#masking all the time is SO exhausting | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

littlest-bugz · 6 months ago

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The cute girly urge to disappear off the face of the earth and assume a new identity

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rat-rosemary · 7 months ago

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Sorry but when Dream went out and talked about how exhausting masking everyday is and how traumatizing taking the wrong Adhd meds when you're young and feeling like they're dulling you completely is, he was absolutely right

#the dog barks #dreamwastaken #the mask animation is shit but the point is so important #masking from both depression and adhd (amd maybe austism) from everyone irl all the time *is* exhausting #getting started on new meds *is* scary (specially if you're young!)#and no one talks about how much it feels like you're lying all the time to everyone

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puppyeared · 11 months ago

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i feel like. theres designing a character with certain themes and motifs in mind, and then theres making a gijinka for the water bottle on my nightstand

#me when im the only person on the bus wearing a mask: i should make a furry plaguesona #its hard to explain bc. most of the time i try NOT to give my characters a 'strong' theme like making their whole design around #one thing like apples or even broad stuff like baking or cottagecore.. idk if its partly for flexibility or because i cant imagine them #making it their whole personality. not bc i find it cringe or overblown but more like ive learned to associate design with character depth #i had a cutesy uwu persona for most of highschool because i thought it would make me more. likeable? easy to remember? since #memorable character designs are easy to recognize. and one way of doing that is simplifying it with a theme or symbol so you form an #association. but since im a real person its exhausting keeping up that appearance all the time and denying myself things when they dont #fit my 'aesthetic' or 'theme.' i think ive grown past that bc i just collect stuff because i think it looks cool and dont let myself dwell #on how it might 'fit' with my image. but i cant help feeling bad doing it to my own characters bc it feels like im making them too one #dimensional. despite knowing that theyre not real and design alone doesnt reflect depth i cant help feeling like its wrong #despite that i love seeing motifs because it feels like it reflects the characters soul and paradoxically gives them depth. it makes them #interesting to look at too and honestly its pretty fun combining things that fall under a similar category when designing #i struggle find a balance between those two things #actually this reminds me of noelles christmas theme.. i dont remember her saying anything abt liking christmas despite a lot of #her design and character tying back to it. it makes me wonder if she would have feelings about that or doesnt think abt it too hard #or if its like a matching family shirts situation and shes just going along with it??#maybe i should just do whatever i want with my character designs since theyre not real and im thinking abt it too hard #although. this probably has something to do with deep seated identity issues huh #yapping #oc talk #oc

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icewindandboringhorror · 23 days ago

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"We can get through this by working together, reach out to your friends, community is all we have, a social network will be your security in the world, now is the time to lean on others!"

I do agree, and it's scientifically sound (pretty sure there is data about how people with better social networks live longer and etc) but also....augh..... what about the severe social issues, difficulty to leave the house, physical issues which lead to like zero socialization energy a majority of the time, etc. etc. Social support can be a replacement for structural support, but.. I guess I just wish it didn't have to be. Community is extremely difficult to build, even moreso if you're someone who has issues with social cues or group conversations or even just being around others in the first place. And blah, nuance, of course I'm just complaining or maybe being too negative or maybe misunderstanding, but, I hardly have the energy to brush my hair once every 2 months.. how am I supposed to maintain a wide social network and be active in a Community and Join Groups lol... sometimes it kind of feels like "er.. well if thats my only option then...... ruh roh". It's overwhelming

#Kind of like some post I saw a long time ago talking about how even the meanest shittiest most difficult to get along with #elderly people or whaever still deserve to have some sort of systems in place to support them so they're not just relying on the #grace of relatives or etc. who may not be able to deal with them. Not saying that I'm like mean and cruel or anything #but the fact of the matter is in most social situations either I am compromising or the other person is. Not in like an ~`ouuu im so weirdd #nobody willever understand my quirky swagg hee heee~' way but like a.. Just factually the things that make me happy and comfortable #are often incompatible with people. The way I communicate and process things is different from the way other people do and that #is always a barrier. I cannot have ''easy''' interactions. Even with 'understanding' people there is nearly always a significant #amount of effort. You can't walk into a group of people and then be like ''okay you guys all have to wear #masks and you also cant play music too loud and also we should communicate turns of speaking very clearly so group conversations #arent too stressful. and also i need this and that and we have to do this and that and '' etc. etc. You CAN. And some people will #go along with that. but they will ALWAYS secretly resent you for it. You will be the one person they're relieved to not have to be around.#theyre glad when you dont show up since they can go back to doing things however they want and not masking and all these boring #annoying things. OR you can say none of that and just deal with the loud music and the talking and the unmasked people. but then #YOU'RE compromising. and no matter how nice they are it's exhausting to be around and youre just further alienated #while in the presence of people and uncofmrtoabel the whole time.#Which I'm not saying the only form of community is a group setting specificially but just giving that as an example lol #I just wish there were a better option than ''well learn to socialize normally or just suffer then'' . Which I know is not what people are #saying. I guess I just always feel a bit scared when 'community is the answer'. Since its not like 'oh im just socially anxious and need to #get out of my shell~!' or something thats really that remedy-able. It's like.. my mostly unchangeable physical health issues combined #with the mostly unchangable literal way that my brain processes sensory informationand other things means that interacting with #others in a normal and easy way is incredibly difficult and often exhausting especially to maintain in any longform fashion. So then #when it's like ''the answer to staying safe is to maintain longform social connections!! :3 just reach out!!'' then.. ermm... O_O #also I'm not even one of the cutesy shy emotional hermits that's nervous. I'm the Bad Stereotype emotionless robotic cold seeming #looms in the corner of the room type of thing so people have less pity on you in that way. -_- ANYWAY gghj #I need like.. a designated social representative or something.. When I did work in that bookshop forever ago they gave me a #person who basically was just with me to help communicate with others on my behalf and supervise me and stuff. I need that.. Some #more extraverted person I can latch onto and they can maintain the Social Support Network for me and I can just be their +1 to all #of the Social Things and community. I have helpful skills I can contribute to other people and stuff it's just like.. I cant socialize lol #I cook food or something for you.. then you keep me in contact with Community.. a deal. (but then what about when I'm too sick to #contribute? as is often the case. there's not much place for people like me in communities sometimes i fear.. sigh.) ***

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enden-k · 8 months ago

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my only day off and i wanted to draw but instead i slept my evening away bc my migraines kicked in fully and meds didnt work 💀

#didnt do workout or art today no....just slept in then played a lil then napped more then read a bit then slept again....#im still goign to draw now or at least try but man....sm free time wasted.......#give me 3 days with human contact and i will die from my migraines and exhaustion uwa..#i really am not made for dealing with ppl its tiresome to act n mask all day n stuff #also the weather SUCKS it was so amazing and warm and sunny and then it switched to storms and coldness!!!! prob another reason why i felt #unwell today and yesterday eugh lit goes to the head #aughhh anw.......getting to draw....getting to draw...#babbles #tbd

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omarfor-orchestra · 2 months ago

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#i didn't think i would love going to the lab so much i prefer to wear a mask for the whole day than to stay home #you know what that is? growth and the right people #now i don't want to 🦉 but it's gonna be the first time in a really long time that I'll see the same people every day for a whole year #i hope I'm gonna be able to build something stable and strong because i desperately need it rg #*rn #only downside is we all live really far away from each other so hanging out outside the lab will be challenging #but we'll see #also doing you little reactions and tlc and nmr is sooo funny you get to measure things and use funny little machines #and get frustrated when things go wrong and sometimes the numbers won't make any sense and you'll color your tlc to see amines or benzile #or hydroxile groups and you'll be like omg look at it!!!!#and you'll evaporate your solvent and fight with the machine but you'll have nice little white freckles of something and you'll be so happy #you can't wait to go on with the reaction #and sometimes you'll decide to hate a stirbar for no real reason so you put it in jail and joke about it with the other people in there and #you'll give funny names to smelly compounds and you'll be exhausted by the end of the day but so enriched #also because you spent lunch break sharing your pets pictures #i think life should always be like this

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hermitw · 2 months ago

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#jjk manga spoilers #But if you've made it thus far without being spoiled... How #I still expect him to be alive next chapter and possibly w sukuna (as a vessel or feeding his nailed fingie to a corpse) but I digress #Gojo Satoru #My fav is after prison realm I love him so much #Before it he was just. Masking all the time and I get it. I get what that's like. It's so exhausting and out of touch with yourself and slee #P deprivation is like a drug. He still cared and did the best he knew but after prison realm?#Twink death Gojo is so... Real. He's no longer running on adrenaline and sugar. He's just. Emotionally exhausted.#Idk I love him #gojo death #Satoru Gojo #jjk manga #jujutsu kaisen spoilers #jjk #jujutsu kaisen

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vaguely-concerned · 3 months ago

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trying to look for a ttrpg group in spaces where I can't just go 'listen I want to play this shit in the tumblr fandom kind of model (gay subtext extremely welcome bordering on essential, mutual unhinged character psychoanalysis, we could create a novel of a backstory together to make this sadder, let's all play with our OC dolls together and also sometimes dice are rolled I guess)' and be readily understood and/or not be immediately side-eyed or denigrated for my inherent unavoidable tumblerinaness feels like such an annoying debuff to deal with on the quest. like I know my people exist out there but how do I express myself in the right way and wade through all the copious not-it (not for me) dynamics to find them!!!

#I feel like a weird kid in the playground trying to find someone who plays the same way as me all over again fhdksjfa #(and if/when I find them -- how the fuck to approach them)#turns out there are so many ways to play rpgs that do not appeal to me in the slightest #there are so many dimensions -- creative interpersonal gameplay-wise -- where you can severely not match with someone lmao #with half of the people I've come across it seems like it would be a struggle just to agree there should be a session 0 :')#but I know I KNOW this could be exactly my kind of fun with the right people it's a little maddening #(my group of friends when I was 12-13 was like... we were trying SO hard to play an rpg without having an rpg to play #some from first principles but with no guidelines to help us stuff #and it was one of my rare 'oh fuck. oh fuck yeah this could be it!!' social moments at that time lol. clearly something instinctive there)#I have been lurking around in a discord server on a more national/local level but I'm not gonna lie... a lot of The Good Old Boys shit #dominating the conversation there. I really don't think they mean to take all the oxygen out of the room for everyone else but uh #it's kind of just what happens. I have seen seen hour-long debates over definitions so esoteric and navel-gazing it would haunt your dreams #trying to wade through that to find the people who might vibe more with me seems... so exhausting and I don't know howww!!#the high masking autistic blues plays again

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kinos-fortress-2 · 9 months ago

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miss pauling WOULD NOT SMELL FINE.

#me disagreeing at everything about miss pauling that people paints her as something good sweet or cool #WHEN SHES NOT COOL OR AWESOME OR SMELLS GOOD AT ALL SHAKES YOU AROUND LIKE A BOTTLE #she smells LIKE HUMAN SWEAT and old clothes from a humid closet she barely cleans. like a grandma.#well grandmas do smell nice. BUT THATS NOT THE FACT #ok well she does smell fine and bearable maybe he hair smells like bed sheets no changed at all #because she wakes up so early she doesn’t have time to clean her room or make her bed #she just instantly runs not even eating breakfast and dying of hunger until either scout or soldier gives her a cookie #or a half eaten pork beans in soldiers courtesy #and gets home late EXHAUSTED and throws herself in the bed to later wake up in 5 minutes #me wanting to expose her every single damn time i am evil like that to my ult #oh yeah her hair doesn’t smell that good at all. full of lice. and greasy. girl wash YOUR HAIR that’s what demo always says to her #prob demo often times calls her out or secretly spy will come and said damn my mask doesn’t even smell that bad than that hair of yours #but is either of those two. wait what i was talking about #her teeth are so yellow because she forgets to clean them #crusty eyes too. can’t put makeup stupidass just only puts her fav purple lipstick to hide her crusty lips #takes a deep breath… fuck. woman failure

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butnotbubblegum · 4 months ago

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using the tags to vent my current emotional state into the void bc ig story feels like a bad plan for this, read at your own risk.

#but jesus christ coming back home while already knee deep in a suicidal episode was an awful idea #like i was maybe on the verge of improving and then i came back to all of this family bullshit #and the place as well like it’s so. i don’t want to say isolated necessarily. but so much it’s own little bubble #and i spent the last eight or nine years i lived here depressed and the last six suicidal #and being back here feels like the actual place is telling me to die #and i don’t think it helps that every place i go i know or know of someone who successfully committed suicide #like. oh this person drowned themself here. or that person hung themself in these woods. or several people jumped off the side of this clif #like. it all feels like reminders of my failures. and it’s like. cmon. wouldn’t it be easy. all you need to do is jump. is slit your throat #is find a decent piece of rope. idk. but everything is so much and i just want it to stop and it feels like the ground itself #is giving me a way to do it.#i genuinely feel like i’m like 16 or 17 again. and everything that isn’t within these hills #feels like a haze and not actually real. like the concept of buxton doesn’t actually exist and my friends do not actually exist and nothing #actually exists except the place i’m in and my family and the pub #i think going back to work at the pub was a mistake; i think it’s making this worse. especially because it’s henry’s dad’s local #and where henry’s wake was. and nothing there has changed at all. it’s like the whole last year never happened.#and i only need to get through two more days but it feels like an impossible task and i keep thinking being back in york will fix me but id #if that even true like. i was suicidal before i left. and it’s going to be intense and stressful and then i have to leave again.#come back here and do three full weeks of this all over again. i haven’t even managed two yet this time around. and i feel like #such a failure and such a drain on my friends (and on one in particular) because it just #is so much and has been so long and everything is complicated and awful and i think if i hadn’t come back i’d be in a normal mental state #by now. that’s the worst fucking part. and also the whole thing of i know how to be suicidal here. i know how to not give a shit about #living here. i know how to do that. but ive never had to try before. like im trying to improve and im trying to hold on and hold off the #urges to kill myself or self harm or whatever because i said i would and because i KNOW it can be better than this and bc i love my friends #and they love me and i don’t want to upset them or make them anxious or anything like that and kat made me promise to try and im trying so #fucking hard and it feels like it’s not even worth the effort because it’s so much effort and everything is so overwhelming and awful and i #hate the way my family interacts and i just want everything to stop and idc if suicide is the cowards way out or selfish or whatever #bullshit people say it feels like the only option i can actually withstand because everything is so much pain and so much effort and so muc #everything and i can’t deal with it anymore. and also i forgot just how much i have to fucking mask in front of my parents and especially m #father and it’s so exhausting and i can’t sleep and there’s so much yelling and i just need it all to stop #i’ve had major breakdowns the last 3 nights about wanting to die so much & trying so hard to not let myself & idk how much longer i can tak

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thelooniemoonie · 6 months ago

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emotional burnout is so lame. you're telling me that i had a full nights sleep, a good meal, and got some sunshine today but because i worked for 7 days straight without a day off i want to punch things? gimme a break

#the moon speaks #i am so angry and irritable for no reason and im kinda disappointment that i am because i just wanna have a good time #yknow how masking for all hours of the day is exhausting? i think im hitting my limit and that's why

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tankerfishthesimp · 2 months ago

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#it's just #when i was younger a lot of people said i was good at acting #i don't even know if im acting right now or what #like am i acting so much simply in daily life #that i can't even find the kid behind all the people pleasing and shit #i don't know if it comes a time where the facade you put on #becomes who you are #because you end up believing that this version of you is right #that this version of you is proper and better than whatever you actually are #but what are you #have you become the mask you have been putting on #or has the mask become melted and merged with you #to the point where your original self is no longer distinguishable #that you have become the mask that you have always vowed to take off at the end of the day #that saying the truth is no longer natural #that you don't even know what the truth is #because you've tucked it behind you #hidden it somewhere you can't even remember #is this why you're always exhausted?

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acedavestrider · 3 months ago

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does anyone have any advice on how to feel alive again

#me @ me: no one cares #sorry to keep depression posting i just dont know what to do #its hard to stay positive when everything feels so fucking bad all the time #covid shit is stressing me out. election shit sucks so bad. my health is bad my mental illnesses are mental illnessing #and if one more person at my stupid fucking job makes a fucking comment about my fucking mask im actually going to start killing #im so serious. i really cant do this anymore #why dont people care about other people it makes no sense #why are people so fucking horrible to each other. everything is so fucking horrible #one of my coworkers literally right now has covid and on our zoom call he was like well the vaccine wouldnt have done anything anyways #are you sure about that??? because you sound like you cant fucking breathe #idk i just feel hopeless and bitter and exhausted and like nothing will ever be okay ever again. and im At Work.#how are you supposed to combat this. what are you supposed to do.#no amount of cognitive fucking behavioral therapy is going to fix the fascism or the climate change or the pandemic or the or the or the #like literally why bother. it doesn't matter nothing matters!#i just want to go home #but then when i get home im like fuck. i really want to go home.

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caguaydreams · 1 month ago

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Hm... never trust how you feel about your life past 9pm or however that goes and stuff, but sometimes I do be pondering what I do on the regular and it gets to me, the silliest things

#I'm once again getting anxious over putting myself out there in every sense I can think of #Socially. Business-wise. Art-wise #if there is one trait I dislike about myself the most in the past few years—#is that for whatever reason I have a tendency to be way too open about myself and what I feel #it could be annoying. It could be tmi (I dislike that concept). It could scare people off because I'm too forward and I fuck up #I spent a big chunk of my late childhood -> teenage years -> early adulthood putting a tamper on my emotions and what I'm passionate about #and now I'm oscillating between being unable to do otherwise and being thoroughly exhausted of suppressing... anything #I genuinely don't want to do it no more and the problem is that I have no idea how to navigate the opposite end of that conduct #I feel like I'm constantly messing it up. I have no experience but I am so tired and now incapable of masking #more like my body and mind are uncooperative and refuse to keep on putting up an act. It was always a way to support others #but I disregarded myself most of the time. I don't know how to enjoy myself in front of people I love without feeling guilt or shame #I feel like I'm overstepping or being disrespectful. How do you do it #it should come easy #Heh... I'm even embarrassed to voice sincere praise to artists I admire because I never know if what I'm saying could be perceived as —#—cringey or if it makes someone slightly uncomfortable. I'm tired of being clueless about a whole dimension of social interaction #and possibly coming across as inept. I could've sworn for the longest time that I was doing it right #and I can't be sure now #I want to share my work with others but I'm always hesitant and petrified by fear of all the potential ramifications that path could have #There's so much I want to do #why does the world seem so hostile to my eyes I genuinely don't know. It makes no sense. None of that is real #Annnnnd that sure is some venting #Sheesh #Hm. Funny how tumblr keeps on being this perfect void where you can just scream into without a single worry #I should go to sleep

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iliveinprocrasti-nationn · 10 months ago

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“hey so there’s been a bunch of exposures recently but we’re gonna have the volunteer party this week bc it’s outdoors so we’ll be fine. yeah it’s a bunch of people all talking maskless face to face in relatively close proximity but we’re outside so any transmission would of course be impossible” be so fucking for real

#i love this place i love volunteering there. they have air purifiers around the center and tell people in no other words that if they’re #feeling unwell in the slightest they shouldn’t come in. they’re offering free tests to anyone exposed. they’re doing so much more than so #many other places and a lot of times it’s a place im able to relax a bit #but im just. exhausted. a week from tomorrow will be the three year anniversary of my dad dying from covid so im already in a bad place #plus covid in general is a trigger for me because. yknow. i watched it slowly strangle the life from my father until he was a grey #breathless husk who couldn’t walk three steps or say three words without panting. and that was when we made him go to the hospital #and then the next time he came home it was just his ashes in a bag #but it’s been four years. five if you count the early cases that popped up in 2019. and we’re still dealing with this shit #im just tired of it. im too exhausted to have a full sobbing shaking breakdown so ive gone to the other end of the spectrum and just feel #heavy and hollow. i should probably have a big cry but i don’t have the tears or energy #vent tw #im just hoping my n95 and the air purifiers were enough to keep me from contracting it at all. the worry is the n95 could’ve been loose and #sometimes the metal on the nose loosens slightly but the mask was pretty new overall so im hoping it worked to its full capacity and kept #out any covid molecules so that i didn’t contract any #only time will tell i suppose. in the mean time #im just praying a lot bc that’s the only control i have. i will be saying the shema whenever i get too stressed about it

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lux-astrorum · 3 months ago

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lying on my bed at 6pm bc it's finally the weekend and the last two weeks have been some bullshit

#the first week of September not only did i have a cold but i was also in a mad frenzy to mail my grad school application to korea #within the VERY short window in which they accept them #and i had to run all over while I was sick (I wore a mask everywhere believe me I did not WANT to go out) for a day to get it done #and it was sooooooo expensive to mail quickly hoooolllyyyy shit #i had a friend over last weekend which was fun but exhausting #then sunday night after a relaxing day i check the tracking link for my application papers and it said they couldn't deliver it #but there were 2 updates one said the address was wrong one said they couldn't get access to the building to deliver #SO ANYWAY I freaked out and didn't know what to do and by time I put my phone away and went to bed it was sooooo late #and I spent Monday/Tuesday being worried 24/7 and going back and forth between the university and UPS on email/phone to get it sorted #thank god I got a delivery notification super late on Tuesday before I went to bed and the school updated my application by Weds am #so I can sleep in peace for now #but ......god #why does the plot always have to be thick like pleaseeee #so anyway Im taking this weekend to rest and recharge #my friend sent me a gift box from lush to make me feel better and I WILL be using it🥹#I plan to relax and plan my korea trip and sleep a lot this weekend tbh #also i get paid today yayyy #haven't posted a long personal vent in awhile figured it was time✨#//#personal

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