#marauders shitpost

[kaqtusm]

Things I do instead of writing my fic aka the Domingo song but make it Jegulus

[Peter, Sirius and Remus]

The groomsmen wanted a celebration

So we took a trip, bachelor vacation

'Cause we know he needs one, a break from Lily

Just kidding, Lils, we're glad he has you

We're out, the shots are flowing, yeah

Guys on the dance floor grooving, yeah

We say, "No thanks, he's taken," yeah

Now he's with a hot guy, but he looks straight, heard his name is Regulus

Second location, maybe he's bi, still dancing with Regulus

Third location, fully gay, fully touching Regulus

"I can't wait to be married," he's pointing to Regulus

[Lily]

So quick question, who's Regulus?

[James]

Oh, just Sirius’ brother we randomly met at the club, I told you about him

[Lily]

I'm positive you did not

[Peter, Sirius and Remus]

In the bathroom, we take him outside

He says, "Don't worry, we won't cross the line"

"Think of your fiancé," he says, "Good reminder"

Hands me his ring, then we can't find him

[Lily]

You took off your ring? Is this true?

[James]

Well, I just didn't want to lose it in the hot tub

[Lily]

What hot tub?

[Peter, Sirius and Remus]

Now we're back in the house, in the hot tub, he's there with Regulus

Ask us to leave, get a hotel, he's vibing with Regulus

[Lily]

You asked them to leave and get a hotel?

[James]

Shh! You’re missing it

[Peter, Sirius and Remus]

At the Marriott, googling Regulus

Just to make sure he's not psycho

But he's actually a doctor and randomly a model

And he volunteers with weird, sick animals (Oh-oh!)

[Lily]

Is the point of this song just that James cheated on me all weekend?

[Peter]

No, the point is, it's Espresso

[Sirius]

You’re not even listening to the lyrics

[Lily]

That’s all I'm listening to!

[Peter, Sirius and Remus]

The next day, he said, "Nothing happened"

They talked all night about you, Lily

Then at brunch, he just starts crying

We ask him, "Why?", he says, "I'm just so tired"

We say, "Take a nap"

He says, "I'm not that kind of tired"

[Lily]

Okay, I need answers now about you and whoever this Regulus guy is

And not for nothing, but the rhyme scheme has gone completely out the window

[James]

Okay look, I'm sorry I met someone I connected with, but Regulus is in the past

[Regulus]

James, I'm here!

[Lily]

See now, if this is Regulus, I'm gonna be pissed

[Regulus]

Hey girl!

Came all this way, had to explain, direct from Regulus

James is a friend, he’s like my bro, but we did hook up though

[Lily]

What? Why would you guys tell me this through song?

[James]

I hope we can still be friends

[isolemnlysweariamuptono-good]

Sirius: I have a crush

Peter: ooh, on who?

SIrius: that is privileged information

Peter:

Peter: I'm a cishet white man. how much more privileged do you want?

[ch3rrybite]

marauders hc #1

listen, it’s canon that the Marauders invented “boys will be boys.”

like:

James trying to flirt with Lily constantly, but the moment she’s in a three-foot radius, his brain resets to “quidditch facts and random trivia.” imagine Lily’s face when he blurts out, “did you know a hippogriff’s wingspan is six meters on average?” like…that was supposed to be, “hey, do you want to grab butterbeer with me?”

Sirius has main character syndrome but, unfortunately, so does James, which means there’s an ongoing competition over who the main character actually is. Sirius once convinced James that “real heroes sleep with one eye open,” and James, dead serious, gave himself a black eye trying to test it. Remus had to stop him from giving Sirius a broken nose.

Remus is 100% the “tired single parent” friend, but he’s also the one enabling the absolute worst ideas. “no, Pads, you can’t set the quidditch stands on fire… unless it’s after the match.” Sirius: “that’s the spirit, Moony!” James: “right, I’ll bring the firewhiskey.”

Sirius went through a phase where he’d hide all the mirrors in the common room so people would “rely on their natural beauty, James,” and Remus would have to go around collecting them and putting them back. the whole house thought they had a poltergeist, but it was just Sirius’s weird way of getting James to stop fixing his hair every five minutes.

James and Sirius once convinced the entire Gryffindor house that “Moony has a sixth sense and can smell lies.” Remus played along, and the power got to his head for a bit. cue him walking around giving people advice like a cheap mystic, muttering things like, “the stars tell me you’re going to fail potions unless you stop stealing my chocolate.”

James would absolutely throw himself in front of a curse for Sirius or Remus without a second thought. Sirius would do the same… but with a dramatic speech. Remus would throw himself in front of a curse for them too, but only because “if I have to listen to you two arguing one more time, I’ll hex myself.”

the Marauders: heroes of Hogwarts, masters of chaos, and quite possibly the reason the faculty has a secret support group.

[hearts4dorlene]

James: In order to maintain a healthy relationship, we need to express our emotions

Regulus: I hear you loud and clearly

James: So, you wanna tell me what was up the other day

Regulus: Merlin, stop being so nosey and mind your own business Potter

[stylesandpottertoo]

"my father didn't strut" james potter would be screaming at the top of his lungs from heaven in support of his boy

'oh but he did strut don't you think he'd laugh about it?' yes WE KNOW but do you think he would see harry being tortured by severus fucking snape and NOT side with harry? darling he wouldnt even THINK of how he walked, all he knows right now is that harry is in pain, and that's all he cares about

[randomfandombullshit]

Barty: Reg, why haven't you forgiven me? I said I was sorry

Regulus: you made a diss track on your past self which you performed for me while Evan beat boxed

[m3ntal-hiatus]

remus: it’s finally time to call it what it is! and what “it” is, is childhood trauma

remus: not “lore!”

sirius:

remus: not “the writers would kill me off if i told you!”

regulus:

regulus: they always do, though-

remus: and especially not “the beginnings of a great thesis statement!”

lily: i do it for the plot.

remus: you’re all fucked in the head.

[sunmoonyandstars]

idc if the lyrics aren't "aCtualLy jEgUlus cOdEd" they mentioned the sun or stars or both. ofc they're going in my jegulus playlist. same with scars, stars, the moon, or wolves for wolfstar.

[gaygirldoodles]

Marlene "ew gay ppl" Mckinnon and Dorcas "you're literally a lesbian" Meadowes

[kalkaros-is-the-boss]

Sirius: welcome to the 'fuck Severus Snape' group, for starters each of us could say one thing they hate about Snivellus. Do you wanna go first Moony? Remus:… Remus: I may have misunderstood the purpose of this group

[lilacella]

Imagining Remus Lupin singing "Ein Stern (der deinen Namen trägt)" [terrible German schlager song that translates to "A star that carries your name"] at Sirius

Also imagining James having to use full force to keep Sirius from tackling Remus off stage for this offense

[sucker717]

see my vision ok so it’s barty on stage fame AU and it’s the intro of best i ever had by drake because come on just do me a favour and imagine him looking out into the crowd at his multitude of exes and being like “not to get it confused, this one’s for you”

FOR WHO BARTY WHICH ONE

[isolemnlysweariamuptono-good]

Marauders Era as Conversations with my BFs Pt 3

Peter: Life's hard, but you know what else is hard?

Remus: My co-

Peter, oblivious: Peanut brittle.

Sirius: I thought you were going to make an inappropriate joke

Peter: What? No! Why?

Sirius: I have been brainwashed by allosexuals

Remus: I apologize for the whole of my kind

Peter and Sirius: Thank you

Sirius: You're forgiven. The rest aren't.

[human-trash-fire]

*Sirius & Remus showing everyone their new kitten*

Regulus: huh, I always figured you’d end up owning a dog

Remus: I did.

Sirius:

Regulus:

Remus:

James: *doing a very poor job of hiding his glee*

Sirius (frantically): he loves this little toy here, see? When you wiggle it he—

Regulus: surely you can’t mean…

Remus: *winks* he’s a good boy isn’t he?

Regulus: obliviate me, Potter. Do it now.

[hearts4dorlene]

Regulus: Oh my god, can I do anything right?

James: You do me pretty well darling

Regulus:

Sirius: I'm TRYING to enjoy breakfast here

[uthseikoashx-inflamedme]

original post

i didn't change a single line