#marauders jokes

[noh07]

(not my picture)

[brigid-faye]

headcanon that Peter was a brunette until Ron cast sunshine, daisies, butter mellow turn this stupid fat rat yellow

[evyltalks]

Sirius, the prettiest star (remus’ pov)

[gender-thief2]

“Crimson rivers is better than the hunger games,” I say into the mic.

The crowd boos. I begin to walk off in shame, when a voice speaks and commands silence from the room.

“They’re right,” they say. I look for the owner of the voice. There in the 1st row stands: Suzanne Collins.

[likeprongstostars]

godfathers dayy

[daddiesdrarryy]

Remus: So you and Pads’s brother are just sleeping together now?

James: Yeah, and I’m not great at casual relationships. I don’t want to scare Reggie off

Remus: Then just give him some space, all right? Don’t Floo, don't write him letters, don’t call

James: That’s crazy, Moony. What if I see a sunset that reminds me of him?

Remus: …

Remus: When do you see him next?

James: We’re having dinner tonight

Remus: Okay, put a rubber band around your wrist, and any time you start planning your wedding or naming your children, I want you to stab yourself in the hand with a fork

James: What’s the rubber band for?

Remus: To slow the bleeding

[ultravioletbrit]

“dark” - Jegulus microfic - @into-the-jeggyverse - 358 words

cw: panic attack

James and Regulus are cuddled up on the couch. The curtains are closed, and the room is only lit by dimmed lights and the flicker of the forgotten film playing in the background. Suddenly, the minimal lighting is gone, and the room is bathed it darkness.

Regulus instantly pulls away with a sharp breath then immediately clings to James’ side.

“The power must have gone—" James starts before noticing Regulus has gone completely stiff. “Reg? Are you okay?”

“Uh-huh.” Regulus answers numbly.

“Reg?” James proceeds very cautiously. “Erm… Are you afraid of the dark?”

“No.” Regulus scoffs, very unconvincingly.

“You’re squeezing my hand pretty hard—” James says, his voice full of concern.

“Sorry. I just—" Regulus lets go of James’ hand.

“No. No, come here.” James pulls Regulus back giving him one of his hands and wrapping his other arm around him tightly. That’s when he notices Regulus’ irregular breathing.

“Okay, love. I’ve got you. Squeeze my hand as hard as you need to, but I need you to breathe with me, okay?” James tells him and starts taking deep breaths until Regulus is able to match his breathing.

“It’s okay. You’re okay, I’ve got you.” James whispers and he feels Regulus give him a shaking nod against his chest.

“I’m sorry… I just… I erm… I used to—" Regulus sputters.

“It’s okay.” James says again. “Alright, we’re going to stand up—" Regulus clings to James tighter. “I won’t let go, and you won’t let go of my hand. We’re just going to walk to the hall closet and get a torch and some candles, alright?” James explains and he feels Regulus nod again.

They make it to the closet and back to the couch with the torch and James lights several candles. He wraps his arms around Regulus, and they cuddle up on the couch again.

“I’m sorry.” Regulus says again. “You probably think—"

“I don’t think anything, not about this.” James says and squeezes Regulus.

“I’m sorry about your hand.” Regulus tells him.

“You’ll make it up to me.” James says sweetly, and he can practically feel Regulus rolling his eyes as he cuddles impossibly closer.

[messrsrarchives]

the way yall genuinely theorise over whether taylor swift wrote atyd is a massive part of why fanfic authors are seen as these untouchable influencers instead of actual human beings that you can engage with. just, btw.

[2ndfamily]

sketch dump

[mon-mi]

ah yes me my boyfriend and james potter

[starrylayle]

To all those shippers that depict Sirius as a self-absorbed, short, fem twink with a flare for dramatics -- and Remus as a tall, angry, buff, dom werewolf daddy -- go ahead, it's a fully rounded dynamic! You're actually shipping Gilderoy Lockhart x Fenrir Greyback though! Remember to tag correctly folks! Hope this helps 🥰 🥰 

[apoetsworld]

Reg *trying to make conversation*: So..what's your favorite star?

James *who's been waiting for this moment his entire life*: MY FAVORITE STAR-

Reg: Don't. You. Say. It.

James *about to burst with excitement*: BUT-

Reg: No.

James *deflating*: ITS-

Reg: NO.

James: Yo-

Reg *smacking upside the head with the nearest pillow*: I SAID NO

[messervixen]

At his core Remus is just that one teacher who “has a wife and kids”

[ziglikesrain]

just realized r and s are next to eachother in the alphabet……:.wolfstar together in every universe……

[myloveharry]

James: What is love?

Peter: An emotional minefield.

Remus: A neurochemical reaction.

Sirius: Baby don't hurt me.

[moonlightdancer26]

One thing that never fails to shock me is how many Marauder stans I’ve seen hating on Draco for saying this line to Hermione in GoF:

“Granger, they’re after Muggles,” said Malfoy. “D’you want to be showing off your knickers in midair? Because if you do, hang around . . . they’re moving this way, and it would give us all a laugh.”

Yet somehow they can’t apply that same logic to what happened in SWM:

James whirled about; a second flash of light later, Snape was hanging upside down in the air, his robes falling over his head to reveal skinny, pallid legs and a pair of graying underpants.

Many people in the small crowd watching cheered. Sirius, James, and Wormtail roared with laughter.

I’ve seen Marauder stans who bash Draco and call him horrible for “making a SA joke,” but then go ahead and defend what the Marauders did (which was ACTUAL SA, not just a gross joke) in SWM as if that’s not much worse. The irony is ridiculous.

That’s always confused me because… they can clearly see the harm in a character making a SA joke, but they gloss over or even justify their favourites characters actually doing what said character joked about??? Make it make sense.