#marauders jokes

[noh07]

(not my picture)

[wintergrofyuri]

[brigid-faye]

headcanon that Peter was a brunette until Ron cast sunshine, daisies, butter mellow turn this stupid fat rat yellow

[rosemarilee]

Regulus and Harry first meet

Regulus: *has never had a conversation with a child before* so…

Harry: you’re short

Regulus: no you’re short

Harry: I’m a kid I’m supposed to be short

Regulus: I’m an adult I can be whatever the fuck I want to be

Harry: so you chose to be short

Regulus: I’m fucking your dad

Harry: I don’t know what that means

[gender-thief2]

“Crimson rivers is better than the hunger games,” I say into the mic.

The crowd boos. I begin to walk off in shame, when a voice speaks and commands silence from the room.

“They’re right,” they say. I look for the owner of the voice. There in the 1st row stands: Suzanne Collins.

[evyltalks]

Sirius, the prettiest star (remus’ pov)

[likeprongstostars]

godfathers dayy

[daddiesdrarryy]

Remus: So you and Pads’s brother are just sleeping together now?

James: Yeah, and I’m not great at casual relationships. I don’t want to scare Reggie off

Remus: Then just give him some space, all right? Don’t Floo, don't write him letters, don’t call

James: That’s crazy, Moony. What if I see a sunset that reminds me of him?

Remus: …

Remus: When do you see him next?

James: We’re having dinner tonight

Remus: Okay, put a rubber band around your wrist, and any time you start planning your wedding or naming your children, I want you to stab yourself in the hand with a fork

James: What’s the rubber band for?

Remus: To slow the bleeding

[ultravioletbrit]

“dark” - Jegulus microfic - @into-the-jeggyverse - 358 words

cw: panic attack

James and Regulus are cuddled up on the couch. The curtains are closed, and the room is only lit by dimmed lights and the flicker of the forgotten film playing in the background. Suddenly, the minimal lighting is gone, and the room is bathed it darkness.

Regulus instantly pulls away with a sharp breath then immediately clings to James’ side.

“The power must have gone—" James starts before noticing Regulus has gone completely stiff. “Reg? Are you okay?”

“Uh-huh.” Regulus answers numbly.

“Reg?” James proceeds very cautiously. “Erm… Are you afraid of the dark?”

“No.” Regulus scoffs, very unconvincingly.

“You’re squeezing my hand pretty hard—” James says, his voice full of concern.

“Sorry. I just—" Regulus lets go of James’ hand.

“No. No, come here.” James pulls Regulus back giving him one of his hands and wrapping his other arm around him tightly. That’s when he notices Regulus’ irregular breathing.

“Okay, love. I’ve got you. Squeeze my hand as hard as you need to, but I need you to breathe with me, okay?” James tells him and starts taking deep breaths until Regulus is able to match his breathing.

“It’s okay. You’re okay, I’ve got you.” James whispers and he feels Regulus give him a shaking nod against his chest.

“I’m sorry… I just… I erm… I used to—" Regulus sputters.

“It’s okay.” James says again. “Alright, we’re going to stand up—" Regulus clings to James tighter. “I won’t let go, and you won’t let go of my hand. We’re just going to walk to the hall closet and get a torch and some candles, alright?” James explains and he feels Regulus nod again.

They make it to the closet and back to the couch with the torch and James lights several candles. He wraps his arms around Regulus, and they cuddle up on the couch again.

“I’m sorry.” Regulus says again. “You probably think—"

“I don’t think anything, not about this.” James says and squeezes Regulus.

“I’m sorry about your hand.” Regulus tells him.

“You’ll make it up to me.” James says sweetly, and he can practically feel Regulus rolling his eyes as he cuddles impossibly closer.

[2ndfamily]

sketch dump

[mon-mi]

ah yes me my boyfriend and james potter

[starrylayle]

To all those shippers that depict Sirius as a self-absorbed, short, fem twink with a flare for dramatics -- and Remus as a tall, angry, buff, dom werewolf daddy -- go ahead, it's a fully rounded dynamic! You're actually shipping Gilderoy Lockhart x Fenrir Greyback though! Remember to tag correctly folks! Hope this helps 🥰 🥰 

[apoetsworld]

Reg *trying to make conversation*: So..what's your favorite star?

James *who's been waiting for this moment his entire life*: MY FAVORITE STAR-

Reg: Don't. You. Say. It.

James *about to burst with excitement*: BUT-

Reg: No.

James *deflating*: ITS-

Reg: NO.

James: Yo-

Reg *smacking upside the head with the nearest pillow*: I SAID NO

[ittgirl23]

I think Peter made a Sirius-Serious jar, much like a swear jar, in fifth year. He was totally fed up with hearing “no, I’M Sirius,” all the time. Every time a joke was made, they had to put a galleon in the jar.

Sirius was near broke by the end of the year, James had also lost a significant amount of money, and Remus only put one galleon in when Lily asked during a study session, “Are you fucking serious?” And he replied with “I wish.”

[ziglikesrain]

just realized r and s are next to eachother in the alphabet……:.wolfstar together in every universe……

[myloveharry]

James: What is love?

Peter: An emotional minefield.

Remus: A neurochemical reaction.

Sirius: Baby don't hurt me.