#many people will make you happy
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his therapist woulda had a field day at their next appointment
#my art#doodle#fanart#resident evil 8#ethan winters#i think its so funny that he has a journal in re8. not only does he have a journal but he illustrates it. i dont know if capcom intended to#imply that ethan stops every now and then to jot down the horrors and the hour that the horrors occur my guess is prolly not#but now its there and it makes me laugh. i shouldnt laugh at his mental health journey but i am anyways#shoutout to people who journal i wish i was you but instead i draw a guy feelin my emotions for me#but im so happy the sun goess away at 5pm. truly immaculate. i miss snow. but we stay chillin#i made more dear diary doodles but these were my favs n they went well together#i changed the entry in the 2nd one though cause i thought it was funnier to me this way#i cut my hair too short again im not even sad about it anymore like whatever man#at least its out of my way. and my shower was SO fast i got to stand there 5ever and it was still only like 15 minutes#fantastic. there are so many joys in life. theres twice as many horrors but the joys are definitely there and they are definitely joyful#anyways thats the post stay warm n cozy out there gang
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anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...
#not a shitpost#serious post#ask to tag#tw trauma#cptsd#c-ptsd#and if so we should TALK about it#because it means there are a whole group of survivors out there whose mental health regularly worsens during holidays#like i know i am most certainly not the only person who feels an undefined Dread hanging over christmas/my birthday/july 4 etc#bc too many shitty things happened during those times and now my brain is hypervigilant bc traditionally these are the Danger Times#and this seems like it would be particularly common for survivors of abusive/dysfunctional households (aka most people with c-ptsd)#because holidays/vacations typically mean 1) the whole family is together/being forced to interact#2) and undergoing external stressors e.g. travel/relatives aka 'outsiders' visiting/routines & coping mechanisms being interrupted etc#3) there is social pressure for this to be a Fun Family Bonding Experience which only highlights the cracks in the foundation#and exposes the common Everything Is Fine/We Are A Happy Family lie#4) the cognitive dissonance of feeling tired/anxious/stressed/afraid during a time when you are 'supposed' to be Making Good Memories#and then everyone is angry/tired/anxious/triggered and things boil over and something or someone goes Very Wrong#weird that i'm posting this in october when halloween is...sort of the ONLY holiday i have only good and happy feelings towards#i got lucky there#also i have positive feelings towards Labor Day but that's for socialist reasons
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I'm gonna need to see a closeup of Glenn from the first image for normal reasons and not so I can confirm that it's 1. Morgan's bandana in his pocket and 2. Her sunglasses (assuming they're hers and she just put them on little Nick because she doesn't have any and they're adult size??). Your art is beautiful and I'm insane thank you so much
anon we're kissing on the lips right now
#ramble#dndads#dungeons and daddies#i am not immune to a man and his dead wife#glenn and morgan were 100% 'put sunglasses on the baby bc everyone needs to know how cool he is' parents#did not realise there were so many other dndads people following me!!!!!!!#amazing#also i love people who see my art and read my mind it makes me so happy i love you all
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Here's a big old Fire Emblem Search & Find I did for the FE3H Masquerade Zine! Find the Golden Deer, but see if you can't find the rest of the students as well! For the ultimate challenge, see if you can't name every character! (Disclaimer two characters are NPCs with no names)
#double bonus can you identify the 2 or 3 fe3h characters that AREN'T in the scene?#i say 2 or 3 but i probably forgot more :( im using you people to check my work#fe3h#carrying over my posts from twitter choo chooooo#fireemblem#im not going to tag everyone but you're welcome too! good luck!!#instead let me tell you about the mini narratives i came up with while drawing this#soren is waiting for Ike to get back with food#seteth just noticed flayn dancing WITH A BOY from afar#rhea was supposed to sing but got superseded (she's okay with it actually)#monica and ferdinand are trying to start a dance off with edelgard and hubert (its not working)#Ashe stepped on Annette's toes and is freaking out. Lorenz is trying to give pointers but it's only sort of helping#balthus absolutely stole some of the betting pool money. i think i forgot to ink the coins falling out of his hands! dang#metody and shahid are going to become great friends and have a wirlwind romance before one betrays the other in a cutthroat fashion#Lysithea left a single cake slice on the table and Miklan is just happy to have gotten his before she showed up#ike and leopold had a flex off#Gilbert is stuck between young lovers this isn't a narrative i just think it's funny#oh and of course Sylvain managing to piss off Sera Charlotte and Maribelle while Felix ignored him and Ingrid looks on#that's supposed to be roy not eliwood btw i forgot to color his headband so it's basically eliwood#that's all i can think of rn but if you played#thank you!!! i hope you had fun#this was SO much fun to make thank you to the mods for facilitating me#haha this post has been up for 20 minutes and people are already pointing out so many characters I forgot. ur keeping me humble
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I cannot express enough that if your reaction, as a hobby artist, to not getting that many notes on your art is to say "maybe I should just stop doing art altogether" you need to stop posting art to tumblr
not necessarily forever, not even for long, but just stop putting your art on here and start doing it for you again, remember why you enjoyed doing art in the first place and stop relying on the attention of faceless people on the internet for your enjoyment of your hard work
believe me, I get it, nothing crushes the artistic soul quite like labouring for hours on a piece only for it to get like 10 notes, so you need to find your own source of joy in the act of creation and a lot of the time that means making art and not showing it to anybody
#not art#listen#for real#this is not about any one person because i've seen posts about it from a bunch of people#you think i post everything here? buddy i dont even post half my stuff here#every drawing you see is preceded by five more just like it#that never see my cursor close to the save button#i have a sketchbook i draw in regularly that i do'nt show to a single goddam person#i make cutout art from gels i steal from work and stick them to my windows and do paintings in my living room just for me#because that it the only way you are ever going to be able to retain your original love of art#is by doing it for the sake of doing it#not for the sake of seeing how many people stop and stare#anyways i'm sorry if this sounds terse#but i'm so sick of seeing artists put all their self-esteem and happiness in the hands of a blogging website#stop selling yourself short by measuring your self worth by how many reblogs you get and what people say in the tags#your artistry and your happiness are worth more than that#if you're an artist for a living that's another story#but even then#even then#anyways sorry i'm done ranting
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This has been an absolutely horrible couple weeks for the Jewish and Israeli community, so I want to throw in at least a tiny bit of hope in here. Amina Hassouna, the Bedouin girl who was severely hurt in Iran’s missile attacks, has been recovering well and seems to be in good condition! She is described as being ‘fully conscious’ and ‘communicating and smiling’. Two bomb shelters have been placed in Al-Fura, the town that she and her family are from, as well.
#ישראבלר#ישראל#jumblr#(I know technically it’s not but I think people will be happy to see this)#also#putting this in the tags— I don’t want to focus on politics because this news is more important right now#but I do truly hope that this will initiate stronger moves towards protecting Bedouin towns and villages#many of them are unrecognised and do not have bomb shelters despite being there for decades#the treatment of Bedouins by the government in general needs to vastly improve#hopefully there will be proper steps in the future towards improving conditions for these towns#like I’m trying to be mild about this because it’s a subject that makes me very upset and I don’t want to go on an angry rant lol#like I said— hopefully things’ll to start change in a few years if the next government can please form a coalition not full of crazy people#if you want to read more about Amina and her family the Times of Israel has quite a few articles btw
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my first attempt at digital art (never again🥲) for mctober💘
Eloise Babbit✨
slytherin
5th year
favorite subjects: arithmancy & ancient runes
least favorite subject: beasts (animals make her nervous🥲)
hobbies: reading & thinking (IT’S A HOBBY OKAY??)
#if u read my fic maybe u know why animals make her nervous🥲#also…if you are the angel who left me an essay comment on my last chapter today just know I love you🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹#when I started posting my fic in January I NEVER EXPECTED PEOPLE TO READ IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!😳 but it makes me so happy#that so many people do🥹🫶 I know it’s a crazy story and doesn’t follow the game at all#so to hear these things and to catch all of the little foreshadowing things I’ve been hinting at this whole time?????????#😳💘#anyways I’m still a digital art disliker (I like seeing it but not making it)#but I wanted to try it out and this is my art documentation blog🫶#im going to be WAY less active these days as well#SO IF I MISS THINGS (WHICH I WILL) PLEASE KNOW I AM SAD I MISSED THEM😔😔😔😔#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hphl#hogwarts legacy mc#hogwarts legacy oc#eloise babbit#mctober2024#also with mctober I will post drawinfs but nothing elaborate like the amazing ones I’ve already seen#hope you like these anyways🙏💓
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psst, hey, fellow selfshippers and lovers of fictional characters!! something i want to share and reassure folks on as a person who gets character crushes super easily: don't be embarrassed by whoever's making your brain light up 🥰💖 i see some lovely folks get really in their head about this. perhaps they've always crushed on a specific kind of character, so when they get one who's a little different, they feel like they can't talk about it. maybe they've touted themselves as having one crush and have been super dedicated that whole time, so feel like it's a betrayal somehow, or makes them less of whichever label (e.g., yume, selfshipper, etc.) they've identified with. i'm here to tell you that's all nonsense!! 💖 this is fandom. you're not an influencer and you don't need to keep up a specific 'brand'!! if you see a character who makes your heart all gushy, don't think up an imaginary critical audience who is going to yell at you for not fixating on the 'right' thing. life's too short to deny yourself happiness 🫂
#inspired by seeing too many of my dear friends posting anxiously about 'not showing their love enough' or falling for a new character 💖#i know i joke a lot of the time in a 'i'm so sorry for this one' or 'are you guys gonna throw tomatoes at me' kind of way#but seeing people be unabashed and excited about their fictional favourites - no matter how weird or obscure - is a joy!!!#so if you've been sitting and fretting because you can feel a crush building and don't know how to handle it:#just rush in head-first. don't think about how it will be perceived. your happiness is not clickbait 🔥#and you know - sometimes we like different characters because we want/need different things!!#i may tout myself as a villain/nerd enjoyer but that doesn't mean i'm only allowed to like those kinds of characters. same goes for you 😉#(going to try to hold true to this as there's a crush who'll get me in the next couple of months who WILL be embarrassing to admit)#(but who cares? isn't getting to yell about a character who makes our lives nicer a wonderful thing? 😭💖)#selfship#f/os#oc x canon#blorbos#yume#starleskatalks
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idk man been sifting through my feelings on all this. and i think what it comes down to is i don't really care/mind that there are non-canonical (BY DEFINITION, if it is not IN the media, it is not in the 'canon', and this info was in tweets) statements about Lucanis' sexuality being demi/ace/him being a virgin. and i'm glad for people who like to incorporate that into their headcanons about the game/interpretation of his character and expand on that more than the game itself does, like, this is our space now baby do what makes you happy!
but personallyyyyyyy i just do not think these new labels are some magic bandaid that solves the flaws in the pacing and writing of his romance. Lucanis never talking to Rook about his feelings as they get to know each other (but sure is willing to talk to Rook about his feelings for Neve if you don't romance him) is not solved, for me, by saying "well he wouldn't be attracted until he got to know you and also has no experience with sex". the same way calling it a "slow burn" did not solve this for me. especially because right up until release he was being advertised as a "bisexual mess". but now was secretly a "panromantic demisexual" the whole time. it just... idk. you can say anything you want online, you know? but if you don't Show Me... well. i also don't like that people who are saying 'well this was Not part of his story in the game so i don't see it' are getting labeled as anti-ace when like, many of the criticisms i am seeing are coming from people who are themselves demi/ace lol. it's not asexual representation bc it is not in the game itself. (though honestly. i AM glad that that was not jammed into his story arc, and that his quests were about his agonizing over his family and the fact that he's now bodysharing with a demon. because his writing was never going to get MORE lines, and to take away any of the ones he had to put in a sexuality arc beyond an offhand mention would have really crashed that because the existing writing barely holds together as is. like there just was not room to have more so personally i am not criticizing Mary Kirby for her decision not to add it. but you can't not add something and then also claim it's a definitive part of his character. plus i dont think a character needs to know/understand/use modern labels anyway).
and personally i DO prefer an awkward/fumbling Lucanis, to be clear. Before Veilguard came out I was never expecting the sexy antivan lover angle because we got that once already: Zevran. I didn't want poor-imitation Zevran, and bioware would not write Lucanis like that to make sure he is a more distinct character anyway. BUT i do think it's reasonable in a bioware game to expect that a romance is going to have romantic content--and the number of times after his cutscenes i literally said aloud "go girl give us nothing" after he failed to react to a flirt was pretty sad. If he's awkward and nervous give him a line where he stutters and doesn't know how to react, not just a blank stare and back to business, or whatever. Or a scene where you can literally ask "you never respond to my flirting do you want me to stop" and for him to say say he likes it but doesn't know how to reciprocate or. ANYTHING. Idk. I have seen 10 different posts/takes on how the Wall Lean Scene fits in, be it that he was imitating a romance novel or it was crow seduction training or he was just pretending because that's how he's seen Illario do it but at the end of the day. It is all just speculation because nothing in the game EVER addresses how wildly different the tone of that scene is from every other one of his romance scenes. And as much as i love the Sexy Wall Lean, given the rest of his characterization in EVERY other romance scene, i think I'm at a point where i think the romance would have been better served by cutting it out and having a different scene where you actually get to talk to him instead.
but! that is not the game we were given. we only have what we have, which is the Veilguard content by Mary Kirby, and The Wigmaker Job written by Courtney Woods (where for reference, he mentions stumbling into an orgy on a previous job, and having an "interesting" time getting out of that, so i already think we have 2 different interpretations of his character between them anyway). but yeah idk man to me "well he's ace" is not an excuse for either gaps in the writing or cut content or whatever was going on. because 1. HE IS NOT AN ACTUAL PERSON he is a storytelling vessel that i felt failed to satisfyingly communicate the entire romance story and 2. even if he was a person saying 'well in ace relationships communication sucks' would also be, not great, you know. everything beyond the text itself is just interpretation and headcanons
#anyway maybe i'll get cancelled now but whatever#ramblings#jade plays dav#dragon age: veilguard#lucanis#lucanis dellamorte#idk man. happy for everyone who these headcanons make happy!#dont like how its now being used to try to hush people who Still have the same issues with his romance as from before the tweets#have seen a bunch of posts now that are like 'well of COURSE this is why you couldnt kiss him sooner'#or 'OBVIOUSLY this is why the wall lean scene feels out of place now' and NOPE. that is still a sign of poor execution by the game.#believe whatever you like to fill in the gaps to explain all this bc i sure am having to go in with a glue gun myself mentally#but this is now 'one option among many' not the definitive answer people can use to try to refute other opposing headcanons#datv critical#da4 critical#and whether he is actually demi/ace/a virgin is now simply up to the player/writer/artist and not a Canon Fact#datv spoilers#da4 spoilers#dragon age: the veilguard#lucanisposting
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Big shout out to @tekitothemagpie and all the stainmight fans for cheering me on and motivating me. I love all of you very much so consider this animation a big thank you gift for y'all (≧▽≦)
HAPPY HALLOWEEN 🎃👻🍬
#cj 24#art#animation#halloween 2024#happy halloween#halloween#mha#my hero academia#bnha#boku no hero academia#stain mha#akaguro chizome#hero killer stain#naomasa tsukauchi#detective tsukauchi#toshinori yagi#all might#stainmight#stainmight but tsukauchi is third wheeling them#<- new tag everyone LMAO#I'M CRYINGGGG I SPEND 2 WEEKS ON THIS ANIMATION#I HAVEN'T ANIMATE PROPERLY IN YEEEARRSSSS#the animation meme kid in me is jumping in joy rn#okay so#to anyone who doesn't know I want you to closely look at the candy in the bowl that stain is holding#all of the candy there is fav candy of stainmight fans :D I asked as many people as possible and damn is that bowl filled to the top...#also there's a lonely lemon flavoured candy (ette you remember? 😏)#additionally I need everyone to know that Tsukauchi is wearing All Mighy watch but you can't really see it...#I also wanted to give him hello kitty watch at first but I changed my mind later lol#he is a hello kitty fan btw I don't make rules it's canon trust
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orpheus and thanatos 💚
#persona 3#ryomina#ryoji mochizuki#minato arisato#makoto yuki#lizzy does art#HIII EVERYONE :3 happy halloween.... (has been working on this for four weeks off and on)#i've always yearned to see art of ryoji and minato based on thanatos and orpheus!!!#i know that ryoji can be likened to being the eurydice figure which i agree with but I HAVE BEEN THINKING SO HARD ABT THEM LIKE THIS OK.#it was nice to give drawing something more ambitious (for my standards) an earnest try again! i love working with lineless and lighting#and working on this has inspired me to HOPEFULLY start doing some studies of sorts! i want to learn so many things...#all so that i can make ryomina as epic as possible...#also LET ME TELL YOU that thanatos coffins are making me realize i seriously need to do drawabox or something.#trying to put them in perspective is hard... but im pretty happy with what i made!!!#also can i just say i love how shapely orpheus is?? i love orpheus joints etc etc its so nice. very fresh#sighs longingly. i love them very much they make me want to do better at things. i hope everyone has a wonderful week ahead! 💙#very excited to see what people do for ryomina week (<- they haven't made anything 4 it yet bc Busy... but i'll submit smthn late maybe)
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Chilchuck analysis speedrun: As a hardworking half-foot who grew up poor and discriminated against and had his gullibility taken advantage of multiple times in his early adventuring days, Chilchuck thinks optimism is a dangerous flaw. He’s stressed and strict all the time because his job is noticing details like traps that could get everyone killed before anyone knows it, he takes the lives of everyone to be on his shoulders, and with the way he speaks about it that probably partly reflects how he felt about taking it upon himself to provide for his family too. His life’s always been pretty centered around work and has become even moreso now that his wife left and everyone is independent, and due to past events he’s very iffy with bonding with coworkers. He thinks feelings and job are a disaster mix. Like with his wife or with parties hiring him as sacrifice, being open or having good faith is vulnerability which can get you hurt, so he processes and shows all his stress as anger instead of worry. Doing strict dieting probably isn’t helping the irritability what with hunger, and on top of being a hunger suppressant alcohol might be the main stress reliever he has.
His grey hairs are so earned
#Chilchuck tims#dungeon meshi#analysis#HAPPY CHILCHUCK DAY#You know what yeah understandable have a good day#Alcohol be a ticket straight to chilling out town I suppose#Spoilers#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#Thinking on if I should split my family masterpost into diff posts for max reach hmm#I’m def editing in the second page into that post that “I’ve got three people to think of here” sounds sooo much like that’s#how he’d think about it in a family setting as well. He works so hard for them 🥺#I could have put 100 pics on this post to justify everything I mentioned but this is a speedrun for a reason. I’m planning so many#compilations rn i need a break from rereading lol#He’s just here to do his work!! He just wanna do his work!!!#I’m always rotating him in my brain like rotisserie chicken :( Hopefully this doesn’t sound disjointed or insane to average readers#He’s always on his guard so he has a short fuse and his type of humor & liking for snarky remarks doesn’t help#Also bc he knows nothing lasts he has a very work hard play hard mentality where ‘dying doing something you love. Like drinking’#is nice in his opinion#This post makes it all sound so dry. Chilchuck is so messy thinking about him is thrilling I swear. This is concise but at what cost…#OH ALSO he has weird self-hate issues where he really values his skills but devalues himself on a personal level.#‘I am a coward. I only care about myself. I cheated on my wife (lying for no reason)’ etc etc#Can’t disappoint people and make them leave you if they already have no expectations and esteem of you 😏💡#Laws are important to him bc he knows how bad punishment is if you break them and how they’re the key to getting better rights
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Curtwen Week Day 6: Happy Ending
#I like to believe that there is a universe where they get to grow old together#just one#look once upon a time I read a fic that had me bawling my fuckin eyes out where they get to grow old together#I do want to say that I believe in personal growth and I think that Curt can 100% have a happy ending without Owen- where he can grow#away from that experience and where he can healthily cope with the trauma he ended up with#where he can find solace in something other than alcohol and where he can find it in himself to forge new relationships and build his#connections with people like Tatiana#etc etc#I just want to make it known that this is one of many happy endings that could happen#(amongst the several sad ones that I know also exist)#ALSO I wanted to draw the old men and I do what I want#but yeah something something if the universe is infinite /ref#maybe this is a universe where the banana incident never happened and they were able to retire together#ough#the curtwen feels are really getting me today#I adore them#also I used a new brush ive been having fun with this past week#doesn’t it look cool?#I really like drawing with it and I like how it looks so#we might be seeing more of this one in the future#although 6b is still my guy#damn y’know hypothetically- if Owen (depending on the au) and Curt lived to be in their 60s (at least) they would witness the first Pride#god can you imagine that?#At the very least Curt being around for stonewall and everything that came after that with queer rights#FUCK anyways#fun fact: a group of frogs is called an army#isn’t that cute#reminds me of that one person on TikTok that raised like a thousand frogs- they had a literal army of frogs#crazy#curtwen week
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How do you think megumi handles a jealous gf? Try to talk? Give her affectionate head pats? Hug her a little more? Or just rails her all night?
He'd getting an ego boost regardless btw
You have opened a wormhole for me with this ask and I’m gonna try to be normal while answering it but also I have to get this out so walk with me….
In short, yeah he does get a sort of ego boost, but it’s mostly… reassurance? He’s so spoiled with attention and he doesn’t even realize it until you’re Not jealous… and even though he’ll deny this until the day he dies, it’s so evident. He doesn’t really need you to get overtly jealous, he doesn’t need you throwing stones at people who look at him twice, or scolding him for thirty-second interactions with attractive strangers—but he does expect a certain level of protectiveness from you. He’s your significant other, shouldn’t you want to?—he knows he feels it. And besides, he really doesn’t know any other way to show his love for people, and more importantly, how to see that other people are showing their love for him. Megumi has always had dogs in the literal sense of his pets, but also in the people who care about him: Gojo follows him around and bothers him and nips at him like a spoiled chihuahua even if Megumi tells him off for it, Nobara invades his life and personal space like a bratty yorkie, and Yuuji is the husky he mistakenly gave affection once and is now dramatic whenever he doesn’t receive it. So when you don’t follow Megumi around, when you don’t nuzzle yourself into him to get his attention, when you don’t paw at him to get him to pay attention to you instead of whoever or whatever he’s currently engaged with, he’s so confused, and a little bit upset, and a lot pouty. Because why do you hate him… if you loved him, you’d simply bark for his attention, wouldn’t you 🙄?
So when you DO any of those things, when you huff when he’s not paying attention to you, or get upset that he has other plans, or tell him you don’t like the person he’s been spending time with instead of you, then that teeny part of him that loves that reaction is very satisfied. He knows he probably shouldn’t feel this happy to have you jealous, but he does, and such is life… sometimes he acts gruff if you’re being unreasonable dramatic about whatever you’re jealous of, but most times he tries to play it cool, reassure you that he doesn’t like who or whatever more than you—gives you a pat on the head, pokes at your cheek briefly, if he’s feeling really happy about you having your paws on him you might get a kiss to the side of your head; all his silent way of calming your nerves and saying “good girl,” because that’s the reaction he expects of you. Honestly, he’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy if you really are upset with him, because he loves you and he doesn’t want you to feel badly, but also because he’s a little bit giddy that you want all of his attention like this, so who is he not to give it to you
#anonymous#he’s so…. he’ll do anything but Ask for attention but when you Don’t pay attention to him he’s like ?????#and when you’re paying too much attention/jealous he’s HAPPY about it??……. he’s so………… he’s not shit that’s what he is 😐#listen i tried to keep this ask normal but i could have mentioned his thing about putting collars on people but that’s more his jealousy#and possessiveness coming to fruition not Yours#how many dog analogies can i make with him… only time will tell 😁😁#oh to be one of megumi’s puppies….. even tho he says he didn’t ask for any of them 🙄 (liar) and now he’s#upset if you all don’t show him affection… such a fake idgafer#megumi x reader#jjk x reader
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A lil guy !
#honkai star rail#dan heng#genuinely have a million things i wanna draw and then zero energy#so dan heng in a hoodie#now i gotta go get dinner sooooo maybe that will give energy and then i can draw more of what i actually wanna draw#but i kinda spent like ... hours ? talking to my mom earlier today#since shes been in the hospital for many many days#so i was catching her up on whats been goin on and showed her silly lil videos#and telling her how hyped i was for summer hrid and she (very patient with my fe talk)#was like you always tell me about banners being bad so it must have made you REALLY happy to say the whole banner is good#and im like yeah and i had multiple people on multiple sites like hey salmon/moeblob did ya see the banner#and she was like thats so cool that people acknowledge who you like and im like yeah it is p cool#and then i told her how mad i was at the absolutely criminal act of limiting how you can watch clue (1985 hit movie)#like i told her yeah sure i own it twice on dvd and once on itunes and that the only way to watch those#are either desktop or ps2 and how i dont have access to my itunes email#and i dont have it on my laptop so i sadly would have to rebuy the movie on itunes under a new acct#then i said how i loved that it was free to watch with ads on yt and id watched it twice that way#but then recently wanted to watch it on there but laptop and hoo boy you have to buy or rent it now#so i v angrily was like fine whatever ill do the thing and leave my room and go watch it on my moms tv#while she isnt around and use her amazon prime where it should be included except ! IT WASNT!#YOU HAVE TO HAVE PRIME TO BUY OR RENT IT NOW TOO!#HOW ARE THEY DOING THIS AND WHY ! who in the world is watching this movie so much that isnt me that they have to charge for it now#on all platforms unless you straight up pirate it#and hey why would i of all people be needing to pirate a movie i own physically two times and digitally once#this is literally a personalized attack to me#and my mom was like i understand how you feel cause yeah thats really weird to do to a 1985 movie#and im like yes exactly i have morals and principles that make me opposed to this and its v maddening#and she said she understood and its ok next time we are having power issues and i have to shut down#that if i really wanna watch it i can rent it on her amazon account and i looked at her and shes like oh you feel v strongly about this#and i do! I HAVE HAD IT GIFTED TO ME TWICE ! I BOUGHT IT ONCE! WHY DO I HAVE TO RENT IT FOR MORE MONEY!
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i believe that to some extent Andre knows he's fucked up and this headcanon is one of the hills I will die on in the farewell tape, Cal says that “you can’t cure somebody who has nothing wrong with them.”
Andre, on the other hand, admits they might be seen as hypocrites. he's not gonna back out, he still thinks it's the right thing for him to do, but he seems to acknowledge that people will not perceive it the same way. he tries to explain that no matter what it’ll look like, it’s not murder for the sake of murder - not in his eyes at least. there's a (sick and twisted) lesson hidden in this tragedy.
to some extent, Andre is aware of what’s going on with him, what exactly shaped him into who he is now. he sees the cause and effect of being bullied, of feeling rejected and alienated, and not being able to do anything about it because that's just who he is. he can kick and scream and shout but he will never change who he is at his core and this realization is crushing for a 17/18-year-old. this and all the implications of a missing sense of belonging.
he knows he’s messed up. he knows what would fix him and he’s convinced it’s out of his reach. he looks at other students and he thinks: it’ll never be me. and he's angry that they have something he will never have.
his awareness doesn't help though. if anything, it fuels his frustration. what adults know to be a temporary problem (high school) seemed like an insurmountable obstacle, the end of everything.
#dont mind me im just thinking how so many high school problems seem like the end of the world#and then you grow up and you're like 'ok that was some insane shit and I didn't deserve most of it'#and then you process it and heal and go on with your life because the world is too wide for you to dwell on all that stuff#alternatively you're shocked that you really let yourself wallow in sadness over shit that now just makes you laugh and seems so trivial#my point is that if he had decided to drop the zd plans and then graduated and grown up he could have been happy#he could have made it but he didn't give himself a chance#high school is not where your world ends#in fact it's barely even a beginning its a fucking prologue#and when people are so down that they can't grasp it - this is what leads to tragedies#zero day#zero day 2003#andre kriegman#cal gabriel
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