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cassieuncaged · 7 months

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Grave Bound Redux: Book 1 - Chapter 3

Chapter 2

Elias Grodin x Maggie Wilson (my OC)

Summary: A young, pacifist man chooses to serve in the Vietnam war instead of going to prison on drug charges.

TW: slight medical gore, mentions of death, injuries, use of tobacco, language, etc

WC: 1.8K

Tag List: Taglist: @roofgeese, @chadillacboseman, @theelderhazelnut, @quantum-lover, @elderglocks, @galaxycunt, @voidika, @spacestephh, @emotionalcadaver

March 1966

At least there’s air conditioning.

It was a small amenity among the constant rot and bloodshed. Maggie remembered her mission, the same statement that was printed outside and at the front of the building.

CONSERVE THE FIGHTING STRENGTH.

She wasn’t completely sure what that meant for her, attempting to use her nursing degree to guide her like a beacon through the storm.

Except there was none.

All the first lieutenant nurses like herself were scampering around the makeshift infirmary until their feet were bloody and raw, meeting the choppers and jeepsters at the door and hauling new patients in. Some were lucky to have only been sprayed with a bit of shrapnel or nurse a minor concussion while others lost limbs or succumb to infections.

It seemed rather gauche, the posters she’d seen back in the states, promoting women to volunteer as nurses in the hopes of coming back happily engaged while the reality was far more grim. The young nurse had seen more gore and viscera than she’d ever expected, holding the hands of the injured and dying while they wailed for their wives and mothers. She lived for the quieter days, when the men were in good spirits and particularly healthy.

“Caldy’s got it out for me,” Rachel, another first lieutenant complained as they dressed a bed with the cleanest linens available. She was small, typically pretty with chestnut hair, big brown eyes, and an interesting gap between her front teeth. Unfortunately, God had seemed to bless her with a mouth that never seemed to close. While all the men adored her, their major didn’t.

“Oh?” Maggie offered flatly, wholly disinterested in the new drama. She was more invested in the news about another airstrike over Hanoi, wondering if the NVA was planning on retaliating. That was likely.

“I swear that old bat has it out for me.” A scowl stretched across Mariano’s impish features as they both continued to fuss over the sheets. Blue eyes drifted back up to white plywood on which their mission statement was printed in bold, totalitarian lettering.

SUPPORT THE US FORCES

“She’s doing her job,” Lt. Wilson echoed back without much thought, knowing better than to gossip under Major Caldwell’s sharp nose. “We all are.”

“Always such a goodie goodie,” Rachel scoffed, surveying the wrinkled bed clothes as she adjusted her ponytail. “No one out here cares whether we live or die, Mags. We’re just some glorified Donut Dollies who fix boo boos and pretend to be surrogate girlfriends.”

“Don’t be so callous,” she finally snapped, growing tired of her partner’s grousing. “These men have no one out here except themselves because of a broken system. The least we can do is try to help.”

Her eyes flitted across the rows of beds as a few of their healthier patrons were led through the front doors and back into the heat. No one paid them much mind as the other nurses rushed by in their army greens. Rachel’s shoulders slumped slightly, uncharacteristically self aware at the nurse’s words. This was the best most of the men got out here: air conditioning and a kind smile.

“I hate when you’re right,” she mumbled, heading to the next bed as Major Caldwell broke Maggie from a self satisfied stupor.

“Wilson!” Her voice was flinty yet commanding. “Stop dawdling and help the sergeant here!”

“Yes, ma’am!” the red head saluted, calming frizzy ginger locks as her boots thudded against wooden planks. Others filed in around her, filling empty beds as she shuffled to the side of the next patient.

He was older than most of the intakes, probably pushing thirty with mousy blonde hair that sprouted from a sweat stained headband like a mushroom. Wide lips spread into an easy smile when she approached, wrapped around a cigarette. The man was in better shape than most, sporting a bloody leg. No apparent compound fracture. That was a good sign.

“Must’ve died and gone up to the pearly gates to meet an angel like you.” he cooed in a gravelly timbre, crystalline eyes captivated for a moment, clear like a freshwater river. “What’s your name, sweetheart?”

“1st Lieutenant Wilson,” she offered briskly, picking up his papers from a rickety bedside table. “And you’re Sergeant Grodin.”

“Aww, c’mon,” he whined playfully, “We don’t need titles around here. They don’t mean a whole lot anyways. Name’s Elias.”

There was something disarming about him that flattened her hackles, a ghost of a smile playing at her lips. Most of the soldiers inane flirting made her uncomfortable with creeps gawking at the outline of her bra or calling her ‘toots’ and ‘babe’. But this one was amicable, kind even as he thrust his hand forward.

Chivalry wasn’t dead, it seemed.

“Maggie,” she offered meekly, allowing a large tan hand to devour her own. Despite the callouses and scars, he gently held her hand as though she were an injured bird.

“Maggie,” he repeated; she liked how it sounded rolling off his tongue. He spoke with a drawl. “Pretty name for a pretty face.”

“Thanks,” a blush bloomed upon full cheeks, painting the woman tomato red as she attempted to control the situation. She pulled cheap latex gloves upon small fingers before turning to face the sergeant once more. “Shrapnel embedded in the shin?”

“Yeah,” he hissed as she gently prodded at the bloody wound, pulling a putty knife from her boot to cut the leg of his fatigues. “That standard issue?”

“Is around here,” she winked, finding herself becoming more relaxed in his presence. Rolling the mangled canvas up a sinewy leg revealed round bloody pits that had burrowed their way into the bone. Too deep for her to dig out alone. “Nothing compounded, thank the lord. But those pellets are right against the bone. Doctors will have to dig em out to avoid any gangrene or jungle rot. In the meantime, I’ll get you on a morphine drip.”

“Looking forward to it,” he grinned dopily, taking a drag on his smoke, watching diligently as she sashayed away.

……

Three days in the 95th whizzed by, leaving Maggie’s heart aching as it grew closer to Elias’ impending discharge. His leg was healing up nicely, stitched with no sign of a gangrenous infection. A few boys from the 101st were bound to pick him up in the morning and get him back out in the bush.

It had been a long time since she'd made a real human connection in a war torn land. She’d been stationed in Da Nang since early January though it felt more like years. Rachel had been a confidant since training before the holidays, a jovial light in the proverbial dark. But any befriended patients were tragically ripped by her side, one way or another.

After doing menial chores and tasks for Major Caldwell, Maggie scurried over to Elias’ bedside. Her ginger curls were extra springy, pinned back to reveal the smattering of freckles across rosy cheeks. A dab of Chantilly perfume was even pressed to the inside of each wrist. A husband wasn’t expected though she wanted to be a pleasant memory for the man. Like a picture of Betty Grable tucked into a soldier’s pack during the second world war.

Tired blue eyes widened excitedly when Sergeant Grodin realized he had company. A open lipped smile revealed adorably gapped teeth, not unlike Rachel, while the morning sun brought out the little freckles dotting his nose and cheeks.

“I must still be dreaming,” he chuckled, pushing himself up onto muscular arms. He wore a mossy t-shirt though his headband was gone, hair wildly askew. Maggie tried not to stare, tried not to imagine him clean and coiffed, proffering a bouquet of tulips. That could never happen. Maybe if she met him at the St. Mary’s in Buffalo, doing rounds. Maybe in another life, but not here.

So she smiled weakly, reaching outwards to bring the back of her palm to his brow. Elias allowed his eyes to flutter close, humming at such a tender form of intimacy. The boys often kept themselves busy during leave but doubtfully found much affection. It was a simple luxury.

“A little clammy, but that’s normal.” she noted, not noticing that a long finger wrapped itself in the chain of her dog tags. He examined the little piece of tin carefully.

“Margaret P Wilson.” he read outloud. “What’s the ‘P’ for?”

“Patricia.” She thought of the name on all of his documents, “What’s the ‘K’ stand for?”

“Kenneth.” He let go of her tag, grinning as she straightened herself; thankfully, the day was early and slow. The other nurses could handle their patients and Major Caldwell wasn’t squawking yet.

“I like it,” she declared quietly, “It’s delicate.”

“I get that more with ‘Elias’.” he groused as she took his vitals, passing over a waxy cup filled with some low dose painkillers. “Nothing like hearing you’ve got a 'queer' name.”

“It’s unusual,” Maggie added, “I like unusual.”

“Me too.” His hand devoured her own for the first time since they met. It felt like the world had melted away around them before the moment was torn away.

“Wilson!” Caldwell screeched, “Get Sergeant Grodin on his feet and out the door. Boys are here to get him and we’ve got more beds to fill!”

“Guess that’s my cue.” he announced waving a tall man, his dark skin glistening with sweat. The other man was shorter, a jagged scar splitting a serious face. “Boys from my division. Ready to pick me up."

He wobbled up to his feet, peeling off his shirt as dog tags jangled against a sun kissed and freckled chest. Maggie attempted not to stare, averting her eyes as she turned pink yet again. Elias grinned slyly, pulling his uniform back over his head, matching baggy cargo pants.

Their gaze met for a moment, blue on blue, a pull as strong as a magnet to steel. He thought she was pretty, too sweet to be out here trying to heal and comfort the dying that continued to pile up. Elias reached forward, grabbing a slender wrist in a massive hand.

“Cheer up buttercup,” he squeezed gently, earning a little grin. Maggie didn’t want him to go, enjoying their silent moment together. “I won’t give up that easy.”

“Be as safe as you can.” The young nurse offered, different from the maternal instinct in which she treated the other patients with.

“Elias!” The short, gruff man called impatiently as the other soldier flirted with another nurse trying to focus on her duties. “Haul your ass over! Time to go!”

“Aw shucks, Bob! Cool your heels!” he waved a hand dismissively, grabbing a few articles of clothing before looking at the woman one last time. “Until later.”

Maggie said nothing, watching the man sashay with the slightest hint of a limp, silently wishing him good luck.

He was going to need it. They all did.

#fanfiction #my fanfiction #oc: maggie #otp: dog tags and flower crowns #maggie x elias

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yourlocalartsonist · 2 years

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ROTTMNT Moths Fly In Packs - Chapter Three

A/N: HEY IM ALIVE. I am so sorry it’s been two literal weeks I got stuck in a rut and then like couldn’t figure out how to write from there for the life of me 🫠 BUT HEY I figured it out eventually and Ngl I think this chapter turned out pretty fun and cute! It is the first time I wrote Mikey for a long period of time and a little bit of Donnie too so like, apologies for any OOC moments. I’m still learning TvT But yesyes, enjoy the read and thank you for your time <3 Also I’ve decided Mikey and Salena’s duo name is gonna be Pink Tangerine anyway byeeeeeeeee

Next Chapter

Previous Chapter

Chapter One

Disclaimer: Chapter involves light manipulation, light sexual harassment, curse words, and violence. If you’re sensitive to that stuff, scroll past and stay safe <3

The mushy brown grub splat down on my tray.

I stuck out my tongue in disgust. School lunch might honestly be the worst thing known to man, the bar is so low the devil plays limbo with it. Yet somehow this school still puts everywhere else to shame.

I overheard from some of the upperclassmen a while back that the food used to be on par with others, apparently it got worse after they hired a new lunch aid. No one ever told him anything, though. We’re all way too scared of him.

We sat down at a table and I began poking the food with my fork, mentally preparing to stomach it down. Jaiden looked at me with similarly dead eyes from our meal.

“God, this is so gross. I get that this lunch is supposed to be healthy and all but sometimes I’d rather just eat burger grease.”

That was the second reason I never said anything to the lunch aid. As much as I shit on the food, it’s actually healthier than the usual microwaved fries and stuff. I’ve noticed the effects too, ever since I joined Roosevelt High last year my body admittedly felt much less sluggish.

“Well, food is food. Let’s just be grateful it’s even human food at this point.”

They giggled and scoffed. “Yeah, barely.”

Trying to distract myself from how squishy my mouth felt at every bite, I focused on Jaiden instead. They don’t really emote often, they’re the type of person to have a resting-bitch-face 24/7. But of course, one of life’s greatest ironies was blessing Jaiden with one of the heartiest smiles I’ve ever seen.

For a moment their lips curve, their forehead wrinkles, and their tooth gap is on full display. Eyes shut, all their thoughts were too focused on whatever brought them so much glee, completely forgetting to worry about how they looked or were being perceived. I wish they could be like that all the time.

“Hello? You’re staring at me like a creep again.”

“I know, I know. I’ll stop.” I rolled my eyes, knowing they didn’t actually mind.

“You really should smile more often, though. You’re gifted with such a pretty smile but you never show it off, Jay.”

It went quiet. Before I could spend too long worrying if I said the wrong thing, they broke the silence.

“Hey, can I talk to you about something?”

“Is that even a question? You know you can tell me anything.”

“Well yeah but…it’s kinda relationship related.”

Oh dear. I straightened up and focused all my attention on them. I may be ass at understanding romance but by god, I still tried my best to help Jaiden with theirs.

“So…Was he distant again?”

“I mean, yeah technically. But it’s not even just him anymore, I haven’t been the best at reaching out either. I don’t want anyone else to know this so you better keep it a secret.”

I nodded and they continued.

“I guess I just can’t find any reason to catch up with him. He barely talks to me, stopped complimenting me, and I just can’t like him like that when it feels like he doesn’t even remember we’re dating. I haven’t felt happy with him or confident or anything cause he doesn’t! Talk! About! Me!”

“Ah y-yeah, that’s…that’s pretty bad.”

“He knows how I feel about this stuff. I’m worried he’s not into me anymore. I haven’t felt beautiful in so long because of him. I feel invisible Salena.”

I thought back to our old school. Jaiden had a huge crush on one of our classmates and miraculously got asked out by him just a year later. It was quite the celebratory moment, we stayed up for hours gushing about it over the phone that night. That memory still makes me feel warm.

“What are you gonna do now?”

“That’s what I don’t know. I’m not sure what to do or how to take all of this. Nothing really feels the same anymore.” Their face fell back to its usual deadpan stare. “Honestly, I’m wondering if it would be better to just break things off.”

“…Well, whatever happens, I’m here for you.”

We sat in awkward silence. I wish I was better at comforting people. Jaiden isn’t a huge hugger either so I can’t even try that.

“By the way I…I think I’m starting to like someone else, actually.”

Their voice was barely above a whisper. Before I could ask who, a tray slammed down between us.

“Hey, guys - Jaiden move over a bit - what’d I miss?”

“Hey Zane!”

“Hiya Zane.” I gave him a small wave and Jaiden and I made room for him between us.

I started zoning out a bit while Jaiden and Zane caught up with each other. My mind wouldn’t stop thinking about what Jaiden said. That they like someone else. I mean, it’s not a wild idea considering how they and their boyfriend barely count as a couple anymore but still. Last I checked, Jaiden pretty much loathed the kids in our grade and neither of us get crushes that easily so I wonder who actually got their heart all soft.

I jumped from a sudden sharp pain in my legs. Jaiden and Zane’s conversation paused as they redirected their attention to me and my agony.

“Hey dude, are you okay?”

“Yep! I’m fine, just been working my legs a bit too much I suppose!”

Damn it Leo and your stupid persuasiveness.

What he promised would only be a “weekend thing” turned into an “almost every night thing”, leading to my legs cursing me out from how much pain consistent parkour brings them. Worst part is I can’t even blame him entirely, I’m a druggie for dopamine and caved in at the first mention of doing it more often.

“Are you sure you’re alright? Your legs keep hurting lately. Do you need painkillers? Or do you wanna go to the nurse? I can take you there!” Zane reached out and grabbed my hand.

I could feel the hair on my arms rising for the wrong reasons. Panicking, I pulled my hand back and rushed to reassure them both I was perfectly okay. Thankfully, we moved on and Zane started to ramble about some guy in his class annoying him today.

Or at least, he moved on. I was still trying to recover from the contact. I mean, this isn’t the first time he’s held my hand, our friendship was always very physically affectionate. But I just haven’t been able to handle any touch from Zane for a while. I hate that everything feels so different now knowing that he likes me. It’s not like he can control it, why do I have to be so weird about it? A little hand-holding shouldn’t get such a repulsed reaction from me.

I decided to stop my brain’s downwards spiral and calm myself down. I took a quiet breath and joined back in the conversation.

I caught Jaiden glancing at his hand. They were quieter than usual after that.

***

I walked out the building as the school day ended, the afternoon sun lit up the schoolyard. The weather was getting pleasantly warmer as spring truly settled in.

Zane walked beside me with a lollipop in his mouth as we both waited for Jaiden. The two of them have an elective today but Jaiden had to run a quick question by the teacher and told me to keep Zane company for the time being. I had my own plans but it’s no biggie, all electives start ten minutes after school ends so we’ve got time. I already let Mikey know I’d be running a little late.

“I know I’m not Mr. Sunshine or anything, but I’d be lying if I said it isn’t gorgeous out today.”

“Hm? Oh, yeah, it really is!”

“...You’re still thinking about Jaiden aren’t you?”

“Y-yeah sorry.”

I could tell Zane was getting a bit irritated. My attention hadn’t really been on him much today, I just couldn’t shake the feeling something was wrong with Jaiden. I know they don’t really talk much but they got abnormally quiet after lunch even for them.

“I told you they’re fine Salena. I even checked in twice for your sake.”

“I know it’s just… Nevermind, you know me, I get paranoid easily.” That’s only half true. I’m paranoid but I’m not stupid.

“Hey actually, I was wondering.” He leaned closer and started playing with a loose strand of my hair, prompting me to lean away “Jaiden seemed really tired today so maybe they’d wanna go home early and rest. Do you want to-“

“I’m here.”

They stared at us with a frown on their face. Their voice was monotone. It was always monotone but usually it’d have a bit of charm mixed in with the whole dead-inside vibe. Something wasn’t right.

But no matter! They’re both here now and I should honestly get going. Zane’s here with them so I can worry about Jaiden tomorrow.

“Great! Seeing as you two are ready to go, I shall take my leave as well. Bye guys!”

“But-“

They cut him off. “Bye Salena.”

I don’t know what I did but something definitely happened with Jaiden.

Even though I didn’t manage to fully suppress my thoughts, the walk to the alley where we agreed to meet drifted my attention back towards the beautiful sunny day. The sky was cloudless, a soft spring breeze. For once the air wasn’t clouded with the stinging scent of garbage and car smoke and instead smelled fresh. Woodsy even. Don’t really get a day this perfect often here. It must’ve been fate for today to be the day I’m actually spending time with one of the guys.

Thanks to Leo’s reassurance that night, I gained some confidence and took his advice on talking with them more often. Mikey was definitely the most receptive to that. He and I bonded pretty quickly due to us being the same age and having a similar (and superior) artistic taste so obviously I had to say yes when he asked to hang out, even if it took a while for our schedules to line up.

I did one last scan to make sure no one was around before texting Mikey of my arrival. He popped out from behind a dumpster, eyes matching the bright blue sky.

“Hey hey hey! Ready for the world’s most epic hang out ever?”

“Hell yes I am! I’ve been waiting for this all week! But uh, you’re 100% sure being out in public during the day won’t be a problem considering…this whole situation?”

“We’re fine, chill. No one will recognize me with my super amazing Raph-approved disguise on!”

…His disguise was a hoodie and pants.

I mean, I guess it is New York so no one will probably care enough to notice. Or care even after they do notice. I think I’m just a little nervous since it’s my first time out in public with him.

Besides, his fit was on fire! He wore a cropped orange hoodie with white accents matched with baggy, light cargo pants. He actually looked a little taller from the pairing, maybe I should take fashion tips from him. He did remind me a little of those orange-and-creme popsicle sticks though.

I heard thumping in the distance and cocked my head to hear better.

Clomp, clomp, clomp.

Footsteps? Loud, heavy ones. They remind me of…

“Mikey, you have to hide! S-someone’s coming!”

“But I’m disgui-”

“Trust me just go!”

As he jumped back behind the dumpster, Zane came around the corner and found me leaning against the wall pretending to be on my phone. I mentally high-fived myself for the spot-on guess.

“There you are.”

“Hey! Did you need something?”

“Oh, no. Or well, yeah actually but first, what are you doing next to a garbage bin?”

“I’m waiting for my friend. We have plans today.”

“W-what?” His brows furrowed, pained eyes pierced mine “Plans? With who? Jaiden isn’t even free today.”

“I have other friends too, Zane.”

He scoffed and shoved his hands down his pockets.

“Like, who? Druggies?” …Homie what the hell?

“What kind of people are you friends with that have you meet up with them here?”

“Uh, why are you getting so mad anyway? I’m just meeting up with someone.”

“Well, I don’t want that someone to be dangerous! I’m just looking out for you.” He sighed. “And also because I was gonna ask if you wanted to hang out with me today.”

Confused, I stared back at him. “But you and Jaiden have an elective today? The one I just left you two at?”

“Yeah and I told Jaiden I was gonna skip. It’s a nice day, I wanted to be with you. Looks like I did all that for nothing.” Another sigh.

“Oh. I-I’m sorry, I didn’t know- Wait, hold on, you left Jaiden?” Oh god. I subconsciously started biting my nails. “Zane, they were already visibly upset today! They need someone with them!”

Stomping my feet, I tried searching for a solution. I couldn’t just cancel on Mikey, we’ve had this planned for so long! But I can’t leave Jaiden on their own either. They have certain tendencies and I can’t risk that again. Ugh, everything would’ve been okay if at least Zane was with them!

“Zane, you have to go back. Jaiden needs company and I’m busy today anyway.”

“Don’t panic so much, they said they’d be fine.”

“And you believed that? You know they’ve lied about that before. Several times before! They didn’t seem okay, I need you to be them.”

“But I want to be with you. Not Jaiden, you. You can’t expect me to just control these things, Salena.”

This dude! Why is he being so difficult?

Okay, calm down Salena. Not a time for anger.

“I-I know, but it’s just one day. Jaiden’s your friend, too. And besides, you’ll both have fun this way!”

My attempts to shoo him away changed his angered face. He suddenly looked so disheartened I can’t tell if it was better or worse. I’m a little annoyed he left Jaiden on their own but he must’ve planned this out for a while if he seems this disappointed. I guess I’d be upset too if I was in his shoes. Though I also would’ve asked the other person ahead of time but different people, different mindsets I suppose. I softened my tone.

“Hey, Zane? I promise we’ll hang out tomorrow. I’ll make it up to you. And we can even call when I’m done, okay? But right now Jaiden needs you. And I need this. Just…can I please have a few hours away today?”

He looked at me, conflicting eyes switching between both of mine. Third sigh, more whispery than the others “...Fine, you know I can’t say no to you. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He pat my head, slightly ruffling my hair “Don’t forget to call me when you’re free.”

Hearing the heavy steps fade as he got farther and farther away, I let out the biggest exhale of my life as my body slumped over.

“Ooh mama, that was rough.” Mikey, somehow already next to me, matched my relief. “Does he always act like that?”

“Well, ‘always’ is a strong word…”

“And you’ve never told him how you feel about it? Never, you know, put down boundaries?”

My eyes scampered around to focus on anything but his face while my body shrunk. Guilty as charged.

He sighed and whipped out a pair of round glasses, swinging his arm over my shoulder “So, I know Dr. Feelings is supposed to be on vacation for the day, but since you’re a friend you get special privileges!”

“Um…D-Doctor who?”

“Tell me about this guy, Salena.”

After recovering from the reveal of his secret therapist mode, I told Mikey about Zane and our friendship as we made our way to an ice cream parlor. According to him, talking about your feelings is always better with a sweet treat to distract you from your crushing crippling depression.

“Wait wait, before we start, what flavor?”

“Oh, chocolate obviously.”

His eyes lit up as he happily hummed “A person of culture! Begin~” He handed me a chocolate cone and got the same for himself.

I felt a little guilty for using him on a day we were meant to relax but at the same time, the thought of having someone to talk to about my weird dynamic with Zane made it weirdly hard to resist. Plus, Mikey just has a very calming presence to him, one that makes it so easy to open up and word-vomit your entire life story to.

Still, I tried my best to not overshare and disrespect Zane’s privacy so I kept things brief and broad, only mentioning what I felt was note-worthy. And probably better to keep his crush on me hidden for now, at least.

Instead, I briefed him about Zane’s home life being the classic “rich kid with absent and narcissistic parents” trope and how much his older brother, or better known as the golden child, emotionally abused him growing up. I could sense Mikey softened a bit at that.

I mentioned Zane’s anger issues, habitual bullying, fear of abandonment. His slowly-developed kleptomania. I told him about the people Zane hung out with and of my secret disapproval of them. If Zane seems bad, those guys make him seem heavenly.

And lastly, I talked about our unlikely friendship. How he gradually became nicer to me. How he told me how different I was to him the day I asked why he stopped bullying me. How unexpectedly sweet and protective he can be.

And how scared he’d get sometimes that one day I’d just ditch him like everyone else did.

“That’s awful! It must’ve been hard for him dealing with all of that.”

“It was. That’s why he’s so clingy towards me. He feels like no one understands him the way I do or even wants to try.”

“I’m guessing that’s why you deal with it.”

I quietly nodded. “I know he can be a bit much sometimes. But I don’t ever want to leave him. He’s like family to me, it just wouldn't be right if I abandoned him.”

Mikey smiled at me “Yeah, don’t worry, I get that.”

He took another bite of his cone and stared out the window. He looked strangely timid, I’ve never seen Mikey so mild-mannered before.

“Do you remember when I told you about our dad Draxum?”

“Oh yeah, the sheep guy! You mentioned he had a ‘bad boy’ phase. Heh, ba-a-a-a-a-ad.” I giggled to myself mimicking a sheep as Mikey looked at me with horrific disgust.

“Leo must love you, doesn’t he.”

“Oh hush, it was funny. Anyway, you were saying?~”

“Well during his ‘insert ruined joke here’ phase, Draxum used to try to kill us like at least once a week. He went on and on about wanting to ‘destroy humanity’ and ‘protect Yōkai kind’ and we were made to do that.”

We started walking outside as he continued his story.

“But, my brothers and I could never. We love humans, I mean you guys literally invented art! And even though Draxum made us, he wasn’t attached enough to not brutally murder us for that disagreement. He threw Leo off a roof once, too.”

“Sorry, what now?” It’s making sense now why Leo was so careful about me not falling when we hang out.

“Yeah, I felt so bad! I mean, Raph gets to see something as cool as that happen but I’m stuck being used as a tug-of-war rope for a giant spider lady! The universe can be so unfair…”

“Your priorities are confusing but go on.”

We made our way on to a roof to enjoy the city’s view. Mikey went on a tangent about all their adventures stopping Draxum and the poorly-named Foot Clan from assembling this mythical shredding monster guy. Whoever named these guys needs originality lessons.

“Then after they finished making the Shredder, they betrayed Draxum. They only wanted to use him so the armor thing would work. And I know that we’re supposed to hate him and stuff, but I felt really really bad for him.”

I thought back to how I felt every time someone I thought was a friend ended up stabbing me in the back “Honestly, I would too. Villain or not, betrayal still sucks.”

“Exactly! And to make matters worse, I found him living on the streets later! He’s a wanted criminal in the Hidden City and had nowhere to go in New York. So obviously, I set him up with a nice, top tier home and helped him adjust to humanity. My brothers doubted us a lot but he’s doing great now. He even has his own job as a lunch aid!”

His bubbly smile dropped as he looked off to the distance. Up until now, Mikey’s been pretty animated when he talks, using his hands and sometimes whole body to enhance his speech. Right now though, he was still. Very still.

“But back then, sometimes even I thought I was crazy. I was trying to change a guy who’s fear-response was genocide, that’s not an easy thing to do. So many failed attempts at getting him to like humans, so many failed attempts of him trying to throw kids when they got on his nerves. Don’t get me wrong, it’s more than worth it in the end but when you’re actually doing it? It’s so exhausting.”

Exhausting. I never realized how fitting that word sounded until he said it. Exhausting.

“That sounds like a literal nightmare. Especially without any external support…” Oh god this was hitting too close to home. Abort! Abort!

“Wanna know what kept me going?”

“Yeah?”

He turned towards me. His blue eyes were illuminated by the sun. Actually, there were some new spots on his body that were glowing, too?

“Draxum made us. He was family to me. It wouldn’t be right to just abandon him.”

Oh.

He turned back to look at the sky. “I know you care about Zane and I can empathize with that so I’ll say this as nicely as I can… ZANE IS A WHINY PIECE OF SHIT.”

I forgot how loud Mikey screams oh god.

“He’s clingy, he’s rude, he called me a druggie for choosing to meet up in an alley, I mean what’s wrong with either?!”

“Micheal my ears, please.”

He took a deep breath and by the grace of heaven itself he calmed down.

“Look, I don’t know if you can help Zane the same way I helped Draxum. Some people don’t want to be changed, that was my biggest fear with Drax. But that’s not my point.” He put a soft hand on my shoulder, the tone of his voice sounded different. “What I’m saying is, I get it.”

My throat felt itchy. I hadn’t heard words like that in years. Having someone say they understand me, not being judged or getting weird looks for feeling the way I do. And I can’t even help believing him, after everything he’s told me it sounds like he meant it. I don’t really know how I feel right now. But then again, maybe I don’t have to know.

We stayed in comfortable silence listening to the city below.

There weren’t too many people out right now, everyone who had been outside enjoying the nice weather before were returning home from shopping or leaving cafés. Not many cars on the street, either. All in all, a nice and peaceful day.

Until, of course, it wasn’t.

A giant pink food truck with a weird stake on the top raced by definitively over the speed limit. Another large vehicle following it. It was green with a disk on the back, it kinda looked like a shell? Or maybe I’ve been talking with turtles too often-

“The Turtle Tank?”

“YOU GUYS HAVE A TURTLE TANK?!” Oh my stars! They just keep getting cooler every day I see them!

“And Meatsweat’s truck!”

“Oh, it’s Mr. Oinkerton.”

In the distance we could hear a familiar angry voice screaming vulgar words at the pig mobile through an oversized megaphone. How’d Donnie even get in this situation?

“So like…should we check in on him?”

“Nah, Dee’s probably fine.”

“Okay fair, but he’s partaking in chaotic activities without us.”

“...You know what, I like the way you think! Come on!” He rolled up his sleeve revealing a black band on his wrist and excitedly spoke to it as we both started running to catch up with the trucks.

“Hey Dontron! Why’re you on a chase with Meatsweats?”

“Mikey? You can see me? Are you in proximity?”

“Yeah! We can see you from the rooftops. I’ll wave!”

“Ugh, good I could use the help, Meatsweats upgraded his stupid truck so now it’s too fast to keep up with! Listen, he kidnapped some guy off the street and I don’t know what he’s gonna do so if you could assist-”

“On it, Dee!”

Seeing Mikey speed through the roofs was astounding! He bounced from building to building, doing flips and spins whenever he could. He looked so graceful while doing it, too. Kind of reminds me of ballerinas. Compared to him I was a heaving mess in the back. I’m faster than I was before, that’s for sure, but still had a really hard time keeping up with him. I’m starting to think Leo went easy on me…

But compared to the car chase down below, even Mikey could barely keep up.

“Man, Donnie wasn’t kidding when he said the truck got upgrades. Meatsweats was never this fast before.”

“Mikey, how long are we just gonna tail them? We’re not really getting anywhere like this.”

“Well we can’t run fast enough…” he looked at Meatsweat’s trying to fight Donnie off, leaving the back door to his truck wide open. His eyes lit up “But we can fly fast enough! I’ll swing you!”

Donnie’s voice returned to the comms “Mikey where are you? Could really use that help right now!” Meatsweats was starting to close the door.

Seeing this in my excited adrenalined nature, I rushed to approve the plan. “Okay, let’s do it!”

One of his nunchucks wrapped around me and my legs left the ground. I cut through the air getting flung right into the truck, somehow not breaking any bones after crashing in. Probably should have thought about that before.

I looked out and met Donnie’s panicked glare. “SALENA?!”

“Hi Donnie!” The door shut and my attention turned toward Meatsweats and a terrified boy with a bag covering his head in the corner.

“Who the hell are- oi, you’re the annoying lass from before, aren’t you?” Oh damn, he remembers me. “What’s with you and ruining my dinner plans?”

“Wait, dinner plans? You’re gonna eat him!?”

He looked so unbelievably offended at that, because of course it was such a stretch to come to that conclusion “What are you, stupid? I was a human before getting mutated. I was a world renowned chef, Rupert Swaggart!”

“Your name was Rupert? Ew.”

“SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!” Oh right, this is a hostage situation.

“Sorry, sorry, distractions. So what you’re saying is, you’re not gonna eat him?”

“No, of course not, human meat is an atrocious flavor.” That’s a relief! “However, they make a lovely meal for mutant livestock. And now I can feed twice the amount.” Oh.

He charged at me with his enormous tenderizer and I quickly got up and prepared my body for the attacks.

Go left! Now right! Right again! DUCK! He’s so swift with his strikes it’s almost too much for me to handle. I tried looking for any openings out but it was useless! All the doors are locked and he’s blocking the switch.

“How come he gets tied up but I have to be killed now?”

“Personal grudges.”

I got backed into a corner and narrowly avoided a butcher knife thrown straight at my head. Whatever greater force is keeping me safe, I owe you my life.

Wait! He threw a knife!

Genius struck me as I pulled the blade out from the wall. I charged at him, getting all my energy ready for the blow. Meatsweats chuckled.

“Aww, you really think you can fight back with a tiny cleaver?”

“Not quite.”

Instead of the slice the idiot pig prepared for, I planted my foot firm on the ground and swung the sharp blade to the left, smashing right through the window.

“What the-”

Perfect! Now to take care of the swine.

I darted around the room taunting him, now being the one to control where he’d strike. My heart was beating at the speed of sound, legs quick and light. My reflexes took over completely. It’s crazy to say this but I feel like I’m really in my zone!

Once I annoyed him enough to turn his blows even more aggressive than before, I ran right behind him, clinging on to his back. He took the bait and smashed down. The metal hammer hit him smack dab on the head as I dodged away, knocking him out.

Cutting my celebrations short, I rushed over to the boy and helped him up. He flinched at my touch, the bag still blinding his sight.

“What’s happening?!”

“Your rescue, that’s what. Now, come on!”

I helped him avoid the loose shards on the bottom while getting his body out the window. I stuck my head out and yelled for Donnie, who was still right behind us relieved to see me in one piece.

“Donnie I’m throwing him out the window, tell me when Mikey’s ready!”

“I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WERE RESCUING ME!”

After getting the thumbs up from Donnie, I pushed the boy out to the streets and sure enough, Mikey’s chains caught him and pulled him up to wherever he was on the roofs.

I heard a grunt behind me. Meatsweats was awake already? God I can’t believe I was scared I actually hurt him.

I scampered up to the roof of the truck. Unfortunately got jumpscared as the vent flung open and Meatsweats tried going through it. My bad for wanting to catch my breath, I guess.

“Salena jump!”

I took his suggestion and ran forward, avoiding the grimy mutant pig, and leaped over to the tank. A hole opened up and allowed me inside with Donnie looking back, setting the tank to autopilot and checking me for any serious injuries.

“So which one of you dum-dums thought it was a brilliant plan to send the untrained non-mutant human into the murderous chef’s vehicle?”

“Oh, was that bad?” Well, at least it’s over now.

Mikey’s voice came through Donnie’s own hand wrap. His were larger than Mikey’s, covering his entire palm compared to Mikey’s wrist bands.

“Donnie! Is Salena okay?”

“Physically or mentally.”

“Yepperoni. I’m right here, Mikey.”

“Phew good! And uh, by any chance, are you guys still following

Meatsweats?”

“Uh, I’m about to stop the tank, why?”

He nervously laughed “So um, you know the person we just saved right? Apparently he had a really important USB with him and he thinks it fell out in the truck…”

“OH COME ON!”

And so the chase continues as we scrambled to find answers.

“Are we really going to keep tracking Meatsweats for a USB drive? Who even uses them anymore!”

“He sounds super panicked so it must be bad, Dee. What if it’s something dangerous?”

“He’s a teenager, Micheal, why would he have dangerous intel?”

“Aren’t you two teenagers?”

“We don’t count!”

“How do we even get it from Meatsweats’ truck?”

Donnie switched over to the control manual and got a bunch of missiles ready “That’s it! I’m going lethal!”

Mikey’s face appeared on the monitor “Donnie don’t! You could destroy the drive thingie.”

“But my moment…”

“Donnie!”

Red lights started blinking, warning about the tank’s declining gas.

“Fine but we’re running out of time, what else can we do?”

“Want me to jump back in?”

“Do you want to die?”

“Sometimes.” They stared at me wide-eyed as I had the dawning realization “Oh wait that was rhetorical, wasn’t it?”

I forced my three brain cells to try and be useful.

C’mon, brain. Think, Salena! Think!

I saw the cleaver I still had in my hands and got an idea.

Bingo!

“Donnie! Drive to his right!”

“What? Um okay. Wait, where are you going!?”

I climbed back out the hole on the top. “When I count to three, stop the Turtle Tank.”

“CAN ANYONE COMMUNICATE THEIR PLANS WITH ME BEFORE IMPULSIVELY JUMPING IN?”

I threw my hair back letting the rushing keep it out of the way.

“Ready Donnie?”

“No.”

I aimed the cleaver for the front right tire and began counting “One…”

Pulled my arm back, getting ready to throw “Two…”

I took a deep breath. Arms don’t fail me now. I swung forward and felt the handle leave my grasp.

“Three!”

The tank jolted to a stop, knocking me forward. Donnie came out and helped me to my feet.

“You good?”

“Well, I’m alive so.”

We looked up and saw the blade successfully puncture the tire, sending the truck skidding to a crash at a light pole.

“Great Galileo, you actually did it. I’ll confess, I’m impressed!” Is this what validation feels like?

The round tangerine joined us not too long after with the boy strapped to his back and came running towards me.

“Salena, you were amazing!” Validation and a hug on the same day? Have I been blessed?

“Hey can someone get this thing off my head now?”

I looked at the boy, then at the horrific scenery behind him. “Uh…maybe we should get to a less chaotic place first.”

Mikey handed me the USB he found in Meatsweats’ truck. ”Sorry our day got interrupted Salena. You can always come back after helping him!”

I was about to agree but felt a buzz on my skirt pocket. I took out my phone and saw a pestering text from my aunt as well as the time being 5:00pm.

“I would but, I should probably get home anyway. You guys okay with um…all that?” I pointed to the passed out pig in his broken down truck.

Donnie pat my head with one of his extra robot arms “No probbles, we’ll take care of it. You’ve helped enough.”

I guess he’s always been nice-ish to me but still didn’t expect affection from him.

I saw him and Mikey chatting while cleaning up the mess, Mikey beaming as Donnie ruffled what would’ve been his hair if he had any. I smiled. Maybe I just never looked close enough at Donnie. Seems like he’s always been this way.

I lead the boy away from the mutant havoc and into a more public area before taking the bag off his head.

“Are you okay?”

He blinked and I studied his features a bit more. Dark eyes, short black hair, and round glasses. “Yeah I-I think. Thanks for saving me.”

I handed him his pen drive and after a few more thank-yous, he left. As promised, gave Zane a call. He didn’t pick up though. I shrugged it off and started walking back home. What a day today has been!

Next Chapter

#rise of the tmnt #save rottmnt #unpause rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt #rise of the turtles #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt season 3 #nickelodeon #rottmnt fanfiction #rottmnt x oc #rottmnt oc #oc x canon #rottmnt s3 #rottmnt mikey #mikey hamato #rise mikey #rottmnt moths fly in packs

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ahiddenpath · 1 year

Text

Life Talk

Talkin bout life beneath the cut.

Hm... I guess it's a business as usual situation.

One new thing: I'm much fitter. I've been working out regularly, to measurable results. My resting heart rate went down (very important, as my family history is riddled with heart problems), I'm building muscle and strength. What I am not doing is losing weight, alas. I've been trying harder on that front recently, and oh my god, the absolute hangryness. Unbelievable. I'm not even undereating! I'm just eating better, but of course, healthier food tends to be less calorically dense (not always- almonds, my beloved).

I also scheduled my vacation to Japan with my husband. We've wanted to go since we were kids. You know, we've been married nearly 10 years, and we have never left the country together? That's partly because of the pandemic- Japan hasn't been open to tourists all that long. But... Man. I've been dreaming about going to Japan for about... God, idk, 17 years? And yet, I'm dreading it? And we haven't planned a thing beyond purchasing plane tickets? It's an amazing chance and I'm so blessed and I do not have the spoons to plan/prepare/research.

Work is rough. It's always rough. I've adjusted in the sense that I have gained skills I need and I've learned that I will never be on top of things and I must be comfortable with letting stuff pile up, because it's literally impossible to avoid. I'm always being assigned stuff that, "hey no one has been able to do this, but you have a go." The wild thing is that sometimes- sometimes, my colleagues and I pull it off.

I've never worked with such talented people. Everyone is nice and wildly intelligent. But this place is a frothing ball of chaos. Apparently, there is a reorganization next week. My anxiety is fine with that (sarcasm). There are too many employees, not enough instruments/space/supplies. I clocked 5,000 steps a few days ago scouring the huge facility for the basic tools I needed to do my experiment that day. I'm losing sleep stressing about the next work day.

I'm experiencing that awful sensation again of losing myself to work stress and exhaustion. I am not sure what to do, even though I've been dealing with this and struggling to manage it for years.

Creatively, it's been harder to find time/have interest. But the habits I've spent 10+ years building are carrying me, and I am still showing up for my projects and myself at least 30 min per day. I'll be updating Puits d'Amour Monday, as planned.

You know, I'm not sure where I'm going to go, creatively, after PdA. I know I want to finish it before I launch anything else, because it does have an ending in sight. I'm growing more cognizant that, well... My writing is great, and I already have the habits I need to finish and refine projects. Should I be pursuing that? Like, as a potential income source? I've fought my way to a fair salary (I wouldn't even say good, just not exploitative, and yes, that was a battle) in biotech. I do interesting and meaningful work. But I'm beyond burnt out.

I don't know, it's a lot to think about. But I do know that I'll continue creating, because it helps keep me sane.

I hope you're all doing well! I'm overdue to exercise, so I need to go. Take care, big kiss!

#hidden's life

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sunniemoonlight · 10 months

Text

To all the boys I’ve loved

I plan on writing a letter to each of you

In this exact order

I don’t think I’ll ever send them though

This is for me to forgive

Heal

& bring peace to my past

This has made me realize

How quickly I grew up

How badly I wanted to love & be loved

& how much I seeked that love outside of myself for so long

But it also made me realize

How much I genuinely loved so deeply

How loyal I stayed throughout abuse & infidelity

How destined I was to love each of them

How I specifically loved very broken people because I wanted to help heal them

Until I finally loved myself

& finally loved someone who loved themselves too

Every guy on this list

Never loved them themselves

& has severe mother/father wounds

Except for one of them

I was trauma bonding for most of my life

Because I related to these broken men

Very few of them were nicer than others

But they all taught me so much about myself

They pushed me to love myself

They pushed me to realize my worth

They pushed me to set healthier boundaries

I’m very grateful for each of them

Even the ones who abused me & cheated on me

I’m grateful for all of them

I saw nothing but the good in them

Even when they did me wrong

I kept choosing to see the best in them

Over their flaws & mistakes

I had unconditional love & faith for all of them

Until they took it for granted

And used it against me

But I forgive them

And I forgive myself

✨Breathing✨

It’s as if I had many karmic debts to pay off

Just to teach them what love was

While they taught me what love wasn’t

But that last one…taught me what love is

Funny

how the last man I’ve loved

Is my first real love

After giving my love to so many

It was my first time experiencing a real man

He helped me stop

Stop looking & searching

Stop over giving myself

Stop settling for less

Stop overindulging in things

He reminded me to breathe

He reminded me to be gentle, patient, & kind to myself & those around me

He reminded me how beautiful I am inside & out

He brought me back home within myself

And showed me a home within him

Within us

He showed me what respectable honest man is

He showed me what I truly deserve in love

How a King should treat a Queen

He is the blueprint for all men

Especially the type of man I want to marry

(monogamous tho, not poly)

He made me want to stay celibate for my husband

So I thank him the most

Because he actually respected me & loved me

Genuinely & unconditionally

He made me feel like I was more than enough

He heightened my self love, self worth, self respect

I never felt like I had to change for him

I may have wanted to change for him

But I never felt like I had to

I felt completely perfect the way I was

Insecurities & all

Imperfections & all

He made me have faith in men again

But at the same time

He is one of a kind

There aren’t a lot of men like him

I will never find another him

And I’m afraid that for the rest of my life

I’ll be trying to find someone like him

And I’d only be settling for someone almost like him

But not exactly him

✨Breathing✨

Regardless though

I am beyond grateful

To of loved him

& been loved by him at all

God bless every single one of you

But especially him

♥️

0 notes

ovationcreativewriting · 1 year

Text

An Unusual Day

It is an unusual day today.

I have very little scheduled and I have time on my hands.

It is rainy with dark clouds and wind.

It is a very unusual day today.

I’m at the gym and on the rowing machine.

I’m rowing and musing about how mysterious life is.

We lost a friend yesterday, a real man of God.

He got to experience a lot of life, but not nearly enough.

It is a very unusual day today.

I’m pondering why some are more blessed than others.

Some live longer, are healthier, richer, happier, and better looking.

Some travel more, travel farther.

Some have richer experiences, take more risks, and have more relationships.

Some have more children, see them get married, and then have grandchildren to enjoy.

Why am I having all these thoughts?

It is a very unusual day today.

I know I have been most generously blessed.

I’ve lived it all, traveled afar, lived a vigorous, health filled life.

I’ve had a rewarding career.

Met and helped many people with my skills.

I have the best spouse, two children, and four grandchildren.

I have joy in my life.

I enjoy having friends and relationships.

Why am I having these thoughts?

It is a very, very unusual day today.

I may not live to see my grandchildren grow into adulthood,

but I had friends who never lived beyond their 50’s.

Why did these good people not live longer, I do not know.

I have been blessed with a full life already.

I don’t know why I deserve it.

I honor and relish my time with the Lord,

but so do others not so fortunate as I.

I know God and his Son have a plan for me on this earth.

I will be obedient and follow as best as I can,

And in the process be a blessing to those around me.

As a child I was taught the meaning of life is to “know, love, and serve the Lord”.

Ponder this long enough and you will realize that this is so.

I’m full of joy even though there are so many mysteries in life.

Why am I having these thoughts?

It is a very, very, very unusual day today.

#Phil Jen Kin 2022

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carmensapientia · 3 years

Text

I posted 11,937 times in 2021

1285 posts created (11%)

10652 posts reblogged (89%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 8.3 posts.

I added 1,705 tags in 2021

#astrology - 326 posts

#affirmations - 201 posts

#law of assumption - 172 posts

#manifestation - 171 posts

#divine feminine - 162 posts

#spells - 146 posts

#witchcraft - 145 posts

#tarot - 142 posts

#divination - 140 posts

#law of attraction - 100 posts

Longest Tag: 56 characters

#never dating a man with guns or in gang activities sorry

My Top Posts in 2021

The Everything And More Challenge

This is 30 day challenge to get everything you want and more! We’re going to revise our past create our perfect dream life glow up and manifest money and material items! Here’s how we’re doing it

-Make a list of your desires. Every single one even if you think it’s impossible write it down.

-With your list of personal desires, add these desires as well because we’re gonna be manifesting that you’re the most beautiful gorgeous and stunning you ever been + you’re rapidly becoming prettier richer healthier and happy every single day, that you constantly manifest thousands of dollars weekly, that you have perfect ten dimension well being(mentally emotional physical spiritual intellectual emotional financial occupational social and romantic)+ all your needs are met (financial safety protection spiritual mental physical emotional home food water etc), that you’re a walking success story, that every part of your life is perfect abundant and ideal, that everything works out for you and is rigged in your favor, that all your desires come better than expected and finally you are a magnet for blessing miracles and amazing opportunities every single day! This is the more part of the challenge!

-then write down a large sum of money(10k minimum) that you want to manifest! You’re going to get major cash with these desires!

-finally let’s work on revision! write down to your goals that this entire year has been amazing blessed and has improved your life 10x and that your entire life has been perfect. You can go into detail or leave it general. Regardless we’re revising that our life is perfect.

-after this begin to write your rules for manifesting. Read my posts about making your own rules here and here. My rules (for example and Inspo purposes only) are Only positive thoughts manifest, i i just need to want something to get it, everything works out in my favor, everything takes no more than a day to manifest, i’m the best manifestor, i am god, i don’t have to believe/only have to think that I have what I want to manifest, manifesting/having faith is easy, simple and natural, i’m entitled to my desires, i am limitless and can have anything, my methods are the most effective and i have the best self concept naturally.

-Create a vision board that represents your ideal life body etc or whatever you want. Look at it daily to motivate yourself

-If needed create a subliminal playlist!

-Unfollow any loa blogs YouTube’s etc. it not necessary for this challenge and the point of it is to teach you your own power. The law is yours to create so don’t rely on others! You can look at success stories but only minimally and if it makes you feel positive!

-Finally create your own affirmation list! You can have as many or as little affirmations as you’d like. You can also script visualize etc daily if you’d like. I’m going to be visualizing scripting using gratitude and affirming! I have many methods but they’re not all necessary I just love them!

-Every day get up and affirm/visualize for 45 minutes straight. Set the timer and just rampage. Get it done and have the strongest mental diet for this entire challenge. Do not go back to the older story.

-At night revise your day. Revise that you wanted to happen happened and affirm that the next day will be even better! Revise that you had the best day ever!

-Start the challenge as soon as you soon this post. I’ll be giving weekly updates.

Yes this might seem like a lot but you have to be dedicated to live your ideal life. This point of this challenge is to take back your power get everything you want and so much more! Good luck everyone!

See the full post

843 notes • Posted 2021-10-10 21:00:47 GMT

The BEST manifesting affirmations

I’m a master at manifesting.

I know everything there is to manifesting.

I manifest in a blink of my eye.

I’m such a powerful manifestor.

I’m the god of my reality.

I deserve everything I desire.

I’m m spoilt and treated like royalty.

I am abundant, passionate and satisfied.

I’m a diamond!

Everyone loves and adores me.

I love myself.

I’m confident!

My desires are attracted to me like metal to a magnet!

Everything always works out for me.

I’m the sun!

I’m the luckiest person.

I am wealthy, abundant, a money magnet!

I attract everything effortlessly!

1045 notes • Posted 2021-05-17 22:55:58 GMT

Reminders of Manifesting

-everything always works out for you

-don’t focus on the timing. Live in the end

-logic is limiting don’t worry about it.

-there’s always movement so don’t even look for results in the the 3d

-have faith the size of mustard seed. It doesn’t have to be much but keep your faith(which is your fortune)

-circumstances don’t matter, resistance doesn’t exist and you can manifest anything instantly big or small.

1228 notes • Posted 2021-09-03 19:05:31 GMT

Love this

2013 notes • Posted 2021-10-03 03:29:01 GMT

Why I’m literally an icon: how to make everyone fall in love with you

Similarly to my thread about how to make the world your oyster, you can make anyone you want fall in love with you. This stems from the most important part of the law of attraction/assumption: self concept.

Neville Goddard-pioneer of manifesting-says There is no one to change but self; that self is simply your awareness, your consciousness and the world in which it lives is determined by the concept you hold of self. It is to consciousness that we must turn as to the only reality.

This is the key to manifesting! Changing your self concept aka the way you see yourself is the key to getting everything you want. Your self concept is you in relations to the outer world. Change it and your entire world changes!

What can self concept do you for you? It can get you to manifestations quicker, make you beautiful, have people pay attention to you and pretty much automatically manifest anything for you. Once you switch your self concept to wealth, you’ll automatically manifest money. Once you see yourself as beautiful, you’ll be seen and become beautiful. It can also make people call in love with you(hence the thread name)

Ever met anyone who was just effortlessly cool, sweet and loveable? That can be you! But how can I achieve this? Self concept affirmations!

Repeat these every time you think of yourself, every free second you have or any time you might have negative thoughts about yourself. Be sure to engage in positive self talk and have a clean mental diet as well!

Here’s my favorite self concept affirmations! If you don’t see anything you’d like just affirm in present tense that you have and are what you want to be! You can even become like your favorite celebrities by affirming I’m like xyz!

See the full post

2738 notes • Posted 2021-07-23 18:30:34 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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fritzistoodrunktobeattheworkshop · 3 years

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Iyashikei Personal Recommendations

(Iyashikei is a subcategory used in Japanese entertainment for stories that have a healing effect on the viewer)

Mushishi - Just beautiful. The entire story is a series of experience with creatures known as mushishi that are essentially little spirits everywhere that all have vastly different effects on their surroundings.

A Silent Voice - I know this one is technical a drama but oh my lord it’s too gorgeous not to include. The entire story is about learning how to forgive oneself and heal and accept love from others.

Heaven’s Official Blessing - Once again not technically a iyashikei show but hey it’s very healing for me. It follows a god who’s trying to gain followers after realizing none of the times he’s ascended he’s ever had worshippers like the gods/goddesses around him. As he takes up quests to help people and spread his name he slowly remembers his things he did in his past incarnations and begins to reconnect with a mysterious stranger from his past (I don’t wanna say more cause it’ll give away too many plot points)

Aggretsuko - Love cute animation styles? Love heavy metal music? Sick of being stuck in middle class capitalism hell? Welcome to the show where a middle class lady with a series talent for metal goes through life’s struggles with only her rage induced music to vent out her frustrations.

The Way of the House Husband - A former yakuza member retires to be a house husband. There’s no shoot outs, no high stakes action. Just a guy who’s adjusting to a calmer lifestyle, takes his husbandly duties seriously, and greatly loves his wife.

Howl’s Moving Castle - Okay yes it’s action packed and fantiful but oh lordy did this movie just take me on a ride like no other Ghilbi movie did. There’s an overall theme of how one should learn to love themself as others can love them - which may I say is never directly stated only shown through the actions of the characters. The fact the main character is a young lady that has never been viewed as beautiful by her peers and gets turned into an old lady and still says dismissive things about herself like “well at least I match what I wear now” throughout the film makes the payoff so much more worth it. Also THAT scene where Howl is all mopey and turning himself to goop because he accidentally dyed his hair and “if I can’t even be beautiful what’s the point” which with how constantly put down the protagonist was her whole life and this gorgeous young man is having a hissy fit about his hair not being blonde when she’s forced to be an old lady. Lordy I loved this movie.

Steven Universe Future - (I wouldn’t recommend without the full context of what happened in the prior show) I already loved Steven Universe because growing up in a household where one’s emotions were constantly dismissed it helped me understand what healthier way of expressing your emotional issues are and the importance of vocalizing yourself when you’re going through something. Steven Universe Future took all of the collective trauma Steven acquired from having to constantly save the world and partake in the effects of a war AS A MINOR as well as being neglected an education as a child and not having proper experience with how to interact with other humans his age group. It’s about him struggling with his sense of self worth now that he has to try to just live a normal life after everything and it slowly sends him down a spiral while he’s finally processing about how he feels about everything that happened in his youth. As someone with a not so happy childhood and who is currently learning how to deal with everything a series like this means a lot to me.

Literally Any Cartoon Saloon Movies - all of them have some of the most beautiful 2D animation and have very spiritual or emotional themes. Particularly The Breadwinner, Song of the Sea, or Wolfwalkers are some exceptionally fantastic ones.

Ernest and Celestine - It’s a bit limited where you can find this one. It has the classic “why can’t we get along message” with the secondary characters but honestly this short film shines with the relationship between Ernest & Celestine. They’re pretty much both social outcasts because they don’t perform well with what their respective societies expect of them. Despite expecting constant shame or complaints from their peers both never judge or dismiss the other. They actively try to lift the other up and stick up for each other when they have to deal with the opinions of their friends peers. It’s simple and sweet with a nice art style.

#it’s not iyashikei but Lego’s Monkie Kid also is just extremely good #why the hell is the best interpretation of Sun Wukong in western media a Lego show?!!#why is the animation THAT GOOD #WHY IS IT ACTUALLY FUNNY #WHO AT LEGO LOVED JOURNEY TO THE WEST ENOUGH TO MAKE THIS SHOW CAUSE I WANNA THANK THEM

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preciouslittletoonette · 3 years

Text

“Your Daddy”

A self-indulgent Mickey Mouse fic that I just wrote on a whim. Based on a headcanon I made several months ago

1928

“ LES CLARK! GET IN HERE, NOW”

It has been a.... bizarre three years working for Walt Disney.

Back in 1925, when Les first joined Walt, he was truly expecting a temporary job, possibly washing cels and doing a couple drawings here and there. But what once was thought to be a temporary job turned into three years honing his craft under the careful mentorship and friendship of the great Ub Iwerks, someone Les heavily admired.

But that was not the bizarre part.

The bizarre part came in the form... of Julius the Cat.

When Les entered the studio on his very first day, the toon barreled straight into his gut in excitement at the prospect of meeting someone new. Les, not expecting the greeting, barely caught the doorframe in time to stop himself from falling from the sheer force that was Julius.

Rather than amusement from his new coworkers, he was met with sympathy. Making him realise that this was, indeed, a normal occurrence.

The only one who had looked mildly amused was Walt, who sent Les a sheepish smile as he (rather gently) pried Julius off of him and settled the toon against his hip.

“ Heh, sorry about that Les. Julius here gets rather excited at the prospect of newcomers”, he said motioning to the cat, who was cuddling up to Walt’s side.

Les had accepted the apology and was soon introduced to Ub, who after the introduction immediately moved to scold Julius, who looked sheepish and nervous under Ub’s gaze. The entire interaction between Julius and the two men confused Les until two words came out of the cat toon’s mouth.

“ Sorry Papa”

While he looked nonchalant on the outside, the words had hit Les like a freight train on the inside.

And thus began Les’ journey into the bizarre absurdity that was the Animation Industry.

Working under Disney led to Les learning a plethora of things, and some of them had less to do with actual animation and more to do with the toons. Sometimes while Ub was teaching him, the man would throw in advice on caring for toons. Any question Les had, Ub would answer and the man was incredibly blunt with his explanations.

“ So you’re Julius’ father?”

“ Yes”

“....But he calls Walt ‘Dad’”

“ It’s co-parenting”

And some answers were... weirder than others.

“ What do toons eat?”

“ Everything we eat and a little more”

“ What?”

“ Julius once ate an entire an entire paint can, filled with paint. Nearly sent me and Walt to an early grave, the little bugger. He didn’t get sick or anything, oddly enough he looked a lil’ healthier after that...”

“... So you let him eat paint now or-”

“ God lord no! We’re not taking chances in case he actually gets poisoned someday”

“ Oh”

“ Another tip, don’t ever let your toon eat erasers. That stuff will make them sick”

“....Noted”

Though it suffices to say, the years leading up to 1928 was an experience Les would never forget.

It was currently well past 11PM when Les entered Walt’s home, Lillian letting him in and calling for Walt, who was in his office, who then called Les to get to his office.

Les peeked inside to see Walt pacing from one side of the room to another. Sitting on a chair in the corner was Ub, holding something close to his chest as he tried to not doze off.

Both Ub and Walt looked like they haven’t slept in days.

Les lightly knocked on the door, announcing his presence.

Walt ceased his pacing,” Ah there you are, Les. Thanks for coming over”.

“ Well it sounded urgent. Couldn’t leave you two hangin’. What happened?”, Les asked concerned

“ We did it”, Walt sighed as he ran a hand down his tired face before looking to what Ub was holding.

Les’ eyes widened when the realisation of what had happened, finally noticing that what Ub was holding was definitely moving and shifting in the sleep-deprived man’s arms. Ub, noticing the attention from the standing men, shifted the being in his arms until Les could properly see him. In his mentor’s arms...

... was a sleepy small toon mouse.

“ When did you-?”

“ An hour ago”, Walt answered,” We made him an hour ago- but that’s not the point of you being here. Wait right here, I’ll be back”, with that said, Walt left the room to go further into the darkness of the house.

Les made his way over to his mentor’s side, dragging another chair closer to him and sat close by.

“ You okay, Ub?”, Les asked concerned.

“ I’m good”, Ub replied looking down on the toon in his arms,” Walt called me out of work to do this”, he moaned tiredly.

“ You were working?”, Les questioned.

“ I had extra work to do for Mintz because of planning with Walt”, Ub explained.

Les was well aware his mentor was working on things for Walt even while he continued to work for Universal. Ub was providing the money they needed to get the studio running while Walt and Roy went out, looking for new distributers after Winkler Pictures and Universal betrayed them.... and took Oswald away from them.

It was tragic watching everything unfold after Walt and Roy returned from their meeting with Mintz. After everyone just upped and left, leaving the four of them behind. Ub was in a fit of rage when he found out and what happened after that was the loudest, most rage-filled argument Les had ever heard between Walt and Ub. It had gone on for nearly a hour before things quieted down. But they didn’t leave the room they were in immediately, they were in there for a few minutes before finally coming out, eyes bloodshot and puffy despite vehement denies that they were crying. But it was clear as day that they were deeply hurt.

Les hoped to never ever have to go through what they went through.

“ What’s his name?”, Les inquired.

“ Michael Theodore Mouse. Mickey Mouse”, Ub stated with a nod,” It was Lillian’s suggestion after hearing Walt’s original name for him”.

“ And that was...?”

“ Mortimer”, Ub gagged.

Les snorted when he heard the name,” Bless Miss Lillian for stepping up where Walt failed in the naming department”, he joked humorously.

“ Amen to that”, Ub said with a short laugh as he looked down on the toon,” Hear that, Mickey. Your dad was going to name you Mortimer. What an unusual unneeded punishment, eh buddy”, he continued as Mickey smiled at Ub with sleepy eyes.

“ He’s very cute”, Les commented with a smile.

“ Of course he’s cute. I designed him after all”, Ub quipped with a smirk.

Les chuckled,” Of course”.

Ub smiled before looking down to Mickey again, this time his eyes filled with sadness. Les noticed this.

“ Thinking about Oswald again?”, Les asked.

“ Yeah. It’s just..... it’s been weeks since Mintz took him away and I haven’t seen him around the studio even while I was working. I’m worried about him and Julius”, Ub admitted,”.... I initially really didn’t want to do this”.

Les raised a brow,” What changed your mind?”.

“ Walt”, Ub said plainly,” We’ve been runnin’ around this for weeks now- well I was. You probably overheard me and Walt talking about this one night at the studio”.

Les nodded. He had overheard the conversation between Walt and Ub one evening when they were doing checks on the Hyperion studio. A mere two weeks before the current moment, Les recalled. It was far from an argument but there was definitely a disagreement. Ub wanted to wait a bit longer before creating another toon but Walt wanted it done sooner rather than later. The man even had a rough idea sketched out after seeing a mouse on the train heading back to Burbank, Ub just had to create a proper design and then bring it to life. But to Ub it was moe complicated than that.

The man was exhausted, not just from overworking but from the very fact he had not JUST lost Oswald, but also Julius as well. And the guilt and sadness was eating him up from the inside. He was still wounded by the loss and Walt was not letting it heal like it was supposed to.

Not to say Walt wasn’t also facing his own major problems. He was also NOT coping well with losing Julius and Oswald (the latter especially) and his temper was much more explosive than usual from Les’ perspective. He threw himself into his work, dragging Roy everywhere to every film distribution company in the Los Angeles county. Heck, Les wagered Walt’s desperation might even have him go look for distributors in New York. And the man was constantly stressed out and judging by what Walt looked like earlier, even sleep deprived from working this much to avoid his own thoughts to grieve. You could say his desperation and grief was blinding him to his friend’s own grief.

Les winced at the thought, silently pitying his seniors.

Ub continued on speaking,” Distributors want to see the stars nowadays and not just concept art. They want to see and meet the toon and as charismatic as Walt is, he can’t convince them to wait any longer. So I bit the bullet tonight”, he explained, shifting Mickey as the toon squirmed a little in his arms,” But I’m don’t regret this. I feel a lil’ better after making lil Michael here. He’s just too darn active for me to ignore, isn’t that right buddy”, he said addressing Mickey, who was about ready to fall asleep again.

Les smiled at the sight of the toon,” Well I’m sure this one right here’s gonna be the one to boost us to success”, he said.

“ You think so?”, Ub inquired with a grin.

“ O ‘Course! After all, who could resist this cute little face?”, Les cooed at Mickey before turning to Ub,” AND you and Walt have already raised some pretty big stars. No doubt this little one will follow suit with his brothers”, he proclaimed confidently,” You two are gonna great dads.... again”, he joked lightly.

Ub chuckled,” And I’m sure you’ll be a fantastic dad too, Les”, he stated light-heartedly.

Les frowned, about to ask Ub what he meant before Walt peeked in, having returned from where he went off to.

“ Hey, sorry for the delay, she crawled out of the basket and I had to find her”, Walt explained nervously with a chuckle.

Les raised a brow at the mention of a her but Ub spoke up before he could ask

“ It’s fine. We were distracted with talking anyway. Bring her in already so Les can meet her”

Les was highly confused for a second before registering another toon mouse in Walt’s arms that was quickly transferred to his lap in seconds.

“ Les, meet Minnie, Minnie, this is Les Clark-”, and the next words will forever imprint itself in Les’ mind-

“ -Your Daddy”

“ Wait what?!”

#disney #disney fanfiction #les clark #minnie mouse #walt disney #mickey mouse #ub iwerks #walter elias disney #ubbe eert iwwerks #to be continued...maybe

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k-hiphopshit · 4 years

Text

You Are A Goddess (Jay Park x Reader)

hey guys... what’s up? how’s it going? let’s just cut to the shit, i felt nostalgic and started reading the imagines i used to port and I want to start writing again so...here goes nothing, this was requested by anon probably years ago i’m sorry baby for taking this long but I hope they see this and like it

Jay was a very handsome and charismatic man, you met him when you had gotten a job as Joon Kyungs a.k.a Dok2 personal assistant, so that meant you had to make a tons of phonecalls to other artists and people in the industry to confirm, arrange or cancel and inform about all types of things.

Jay was a bit stunned when he heard your voice over the phone, he could hear your smile, you sounded like you were really happy and excited for something and since he was drowning in responsibilities it was a breath of fresh air to hear someone talk in such a soothing and positive way. When he found out you were calling on Kyung’s behalf he got in contact with him and asked him about you

“Oh (y/n), she is my star right now, she is on top of everything and i’ve never met a person that is smiling genuinely so much”

After a few weeks joon kyung hosted an event for his birthday which meant you were in charge of pretty much everything and had to make sure everything went smoothly and exactly how your boss requested it. You saw Joon Kyung waving you over, he was with Dong gab and two other men you hadn’t personally met but you knew of them, well it wasn’t that hard since it was the infamous Jay Park and Simon D

“(y/n) let me introduce you to my good friends Jay Park and Kisok”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, I am a big fan of your music and achievements”

“Thank you, that means a lot. We’ve been also hearing a lot of good things about you as well”

Jay took the lead and tried to stall the conversation as much as he could. As soon as you walked over to them he felt your positive aura that was so addictive, you seemed so grounded and so effortlessly put together it was fascinating for him, since in his industry they were so many people that tried so hard to seem like something they aren’t and were never meant to be it was a nice fresh tone to be around someone that seemed authentic.

“I’m sure he is exaggerating as always, but i’ll gladly take any compliment I can get”

After that Jay pursued you, he wanted to be around you, listen to you talk, he craved that comfortable and inviting aura you exude, not too long after that you started dating and not too long after that you were puking like you had been possessed by a Demon.

Jay was so excited about the baby, of course he was shocked at first and very scared since he had so many people depending on him that he was on call 24/7 with everyone and a child is a big responsibility, however in his eyes he couldn’t wait to be blessed by you with such gift, you would bring a life into this world, a beautiful combination of him and you and how could he deny himself such heaven?

He made sure you had everything you needed at any time, he was there at every doctors appointment, he was there when you needed some help to put your shoes on, baking and making all kinds of crazy recipes that you craved and of course he was there when you gave birth to a beautiful baby girl named Kyung Mi.

Yet not everyone shared his excitement, the media were ruthless and the fans were not pleased to say the least, their idol and a well known bachelor was suddenly not only in a relationship but also was having a baby. Your face was plastered all over the tabloids and of course they started digging up your past. While you were still pregnant Jay made sure to hide as much as he could, after you gave birth not only you started seeing more and more of it what also did not help was the extra weight you had gained and it seemed to be very stubborn,

“What are you doing? it’s 3 am?”

Jay had just walked in after a concert, expecting to find his girlfriend and baby girl sleeping, on the contrary he found you exercising and doing crunches at the living room with the baby monitor right next to you.

“Exactly, which means is the only time I can work out without Mi needing something”

He had noticed how you started eating less, always talking about new healthier recipes and it wasn’t the first time he had caught you working out in the middle of the night. He huffed and walked towards you as he sat down on the floor while you kept going with your work out

“Baby you’ve been staying up late to work out more and more”

“Don’t start Jay, you just got home as well”

“I had to work”

“Yes, so did I Jay. But now I have a family to take care of”

He bit his lower lip in a settle way to hold back his words. He knew how much it hurt you that you were staying home since you loved your job so much, of course Kyung understood and told you that when you feel ready to come back the spot is yours. Still, you felt in complete, nothing was the same anymore, you didn’t fit in your clothes, your breasts were swollen and bruised since Kyung Mi was starting to bite and of course the waking up in the middle of the night from the crying did not help either. Jay tried to help as much as he could , unfortunately he couldn’t drop everything and stay home so he understood your frustration.

“How about we take a shower together? We are both sweaty and we can... help each other”

“You can go first”

That also was a part of your new life, you wanted to have sex with Jay... who wouldn’t the problem wasn’t him it was you, you felt fat and ugly and just wanted to cover up and go to bed.

Jay was of course very supportive and expressed his feelings for you every day, that didn’t change the way you saw yourself even when you wished it did. Jay sighed and got up from the floor, leaving you be and getting lost in his own thoughts.

He had to do something and he had to do it quickly. Some how some way there was something he could do that would help you, of course that meant he needed advice from a woman and preferably someone that knew you.

“What’s going on big papa?”

Jessi teased as she picked up the phone. You and Jessi had gotten closer over the years and she was someone you used to go out with very often, so Jay thought maybe she had any good ideas.

“Hey, I need your help with something”

“I hope you didn’t hurt my baby (y/n), you owe her after pushing a baby out of her”

“No i didn’t do anything. She’s been very distant lately, she seems to be kind of sulking because of the baby weight and it has taken such a big toll on her”

“Well yeah i’m sure it did, have you tried like having a conversation?”

“yes but she is shutting me out, blaming me about not helping her and missing her job”

“Oh man, Let me see what I can come up with”

Jessi was a Saint sent straight from heaven. Her plan was brilliant, she went over the house at 10 a.m and pretty much kicked you out and send you at a well known spa and resort as a “god mother gift” where she had planned a full boy massage and a facial, as well as a sauna and yoga. You haven’t felt this relaxed in a while, letting someone take care of you and not having to worry about the baby crying and if she needs a diaper change was something she desperately needed.

After everything she was led to a room that had a big package with a beautiful pink bow and a letter. As she opened it she immediately recognized the hand writing.

“To my baby mama,

Take a sweet nap and in 3 hours a hair and make up artist will come to get you all dolled up for our dinner.

I love you,

your baby daddy”

You smiled and chose to not open the box yet, you left it to the side and laid down on the bed smiling brightly at the letter he had left you. You knew he cared but it was still nice to see that he really did try.

As the letter promised a hair and make up artist came and hooked you up with the good stuff, they made you look like a person you hadn’t see in a while. You went for a nice soft gold eye make up and a red lip and you hair just a nice blow out but it was just so refreshing to finally look like your old self. Then came the the time to finally open the box and of course what was inside was absolutely stunning

It was tight around your stomach which you did not love and it did put you down a little bit but since you had nothing else to wear you just pushed it in the back of your mind, he had even bought your favorite perfume to wear and of course you noticed the lack of undewear in the box.

As you walked in the hotels restaurant you noticed nobody else was in here other than the servers and Jay. He got up and offered you a single red rose

“Milady”

You giggle as you took it and gave it a little sniff. You couldn’t hold back and went in to hug him, which he wanted to do as well.

“You look ravishing baby”

“Thank you, you look handsome as well”

He pulled back your seat and as you sat down he placed a gentle kiss on your shoulder right on top of the extremely thin spaghetti strap of your dress before taking a seat directly in front of you.

“Tonight is not about me beautiful, tonight is dedicated to you. The sexiest woman on the planet”

“Oh please, maybe after I love half of what I weight”

“Baby why are you putting yourself down? You know I would love you no matter what you weight right?”

You bit your lip. You knew Jay loved you, it was just you that felt insecure and almost like you were holding him back from everything, his career, his friends, everything had changed now and you felt responsible for it, the reason that you were so good at your job was that you took responsibility for everything so naturally it happened now as well.

“I know it’s just, I feel like I’m holding you back”

“What? What do you mean?”

“You were supposed to have a world tour this year and you cancelled it, as well as many other performances cause you wanted to come to doctors appointments”

“Exactly, I chose to cancel them baby, I wanted to be there”

“Yes but... I don’t know I just feel like I’m a burden, also I’ve gain weight and I feel... ugly”

There was a silence after that, since the waiter came and placed the food in front of you. You looked down at your feet, embarrassed and also a bit nervous of what Jay would say, after the waiter walked away Jay got up from his seat and kneeled in front of you, placing his one hand on top of yours and the other reached your chin so you can meet his eyes.

“You are one strong woman you know that? You loved me unconditionally and you gave me a beautiful child, sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve such a person in my life, you are no longer a woman to me... you are a Goddess. That’s why I don’t think i’ll find a more perfect time to do this”

“Do what?”

He reached for his pocket and pulled a small red velvet box. As soon as you saw it you started tearing up and your breathing stopped. Jay looked at you once again, he was saving it for the end of the meal but now it just seemed such a perfect moment.

“(Y/F/N) will you do me the absolute honor and let me your husband?”

“yes”

you whispered as you bot got up and went for a passionate kiss letting your feelings flow and the tears roll down your cheek. You were so happy, finally after so long you felt the connection you had with him before the baby, you missed this pure raw bond you shared, the passion flowed after so many months of complete drought.

“You are so pretty even when you cry”

You laughed once again as you gently wiped your tears not to mess your perfectly applicated make up. He slipped the ring on your finger and kissed your hand

“Let’s eat and then I can take my dessert in the bedroom”

“Can’t wait mister Park”

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spectrumed · 3 years

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4. body

Do I have body issues? Well... yeah. Who doesn’t? I absolutely do not like being fat, that’s something I’d change about me. And I probably should bulk up a little, go to the gym. My diet isn’t terrible, I don’t eat any fast food, but I could still always eat healthier. More greens, less beans. But most of all, my biggest body issue is that I don’t really associate myself with my body. My mind feels disconnected from my body. The day scientists invent a way for us all to live as brains in jars on wheels, I’m there standing in line for a chance to become all cerebral. Being physical, it’s just so messy, so awkward, so uncomfortable. You feel pain, you feel embarrassment, you feel horny. Nothing good comes from having a body. If you were just a brain, you could go on thinking and calculating and just generally having a good mental time. Or you’d start feeling suffocated and trapped trying to move your limbs and realising that they have been all chopped off. Hmm… Maybe it’s more complicated than I initially thought.

I don’t understand people who enjoy physical activities. Let it be clear before we delve into this long rant of mine complaining about all things gymnastic, this is not particularly an autistic trait. In fact, there are plenty of autistic people who may excel as athletes, their drive and obsessive personality traits becoming quite useful in developing that discipline that is required to fully commit to becoming an all-star jock. Not all autistic people are reprehensible nerds. Some autistic people are actually quite sexy. Some even have abs. But that’s not me. That’s not my clan of autistic people. I like drawing maps. I like thinking about things. I like making cocktails. The only part of my physical body that I like to put strain on is my liver. Don’t make me go on a run. There isn’t an armchair in this world that I wouldn’t want to sit down in, even the ones that used to be owned by old chain-smokers that have that awful aroma that sneaks into your nostrils and makes you worry about second-hand lung cancer. Sitting is great. I like sitting. Also lying down. Lying down is good.

Am I lazy? No, I don’t think so. Maybe a little, but here’s the thing. I can’t control the things I obsess over. There’s a great deal of overlap between autism spectrum disorder and attention deficit disorder. If you’re reading this and you’re a fellow friend on the spectrum, you may have gotten diagnosed with both. One of those rare times in my life I have attended group therapy, more than half the group were diagnosed with both. I, however, am not. But seeing as the two conditions are so intertwined, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that a facet of autism involves difficulties in trying to focus on something, or even trying not to focus on something too hard. If you were to judge my tenacity, my ability to keep going, based solely on how I perform during physical tasks, you’d think I was the least resolute person on the planet. But then you’ll find me, some time later, staying up until four in the morning drawing another map. A map that’s really just a different take on another map that I drew earlier, that itself was a reworked version of a previous map that I drew but didn’t like, that actually began as a second iteration of one map I drew that was actually wholly different, that was based on a map of Europe but if Denmark never existed. How many maps have you drawn Fred? Why don’t you go mind your own business, you nosy ferret.

The DSM-5 (the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. You can think of it as something akin to a bible of psychology, which is definitely an inflammatory way to refer to it, but I’m gonna go with it! Because I’m a wildcard, and that’s just how I roll,) includes this section as part of its diagnostic criteria for autism spectrum disorder.

Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus (e.g., strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects, excessively circumscribed or perseverative interests).

Now, I personally don’t relate to that at all. There’s nothing abnormal in my intense love for maps. The fact that maps aren’t as widely cherished as they ought to be is a fault of others, and I refuse to acknowledge that this may be a part of my character that could be perceived as quirky, or out of the ordinary. But, still, for the sake of argument, let’s presume that I can get, at times, excessively circumscribed. I’d like to say that I’ve only ever engaged in excessive circumscribing in my privacy away from onlookers, but I am afraid that I may have allowed some of my excessive circumscribing to happen in public. I definitely do apologise for that. I will try to do better in the future. But you never know when you’re about to experience some excessive circumscribing. The best you can do is keep it limited.

I don’t know how neurotypicals work. So, you don’t feel these kinds of obsessions? These moments of intense focus? These fixations? Then, you lack passion? Are you heartless? Soulless? Or are you just weak? Are you too feeble to hold steadfast working on a project all night long? To lose touch with your sense of hunger, your need for sleep, and all contact with any other human person? My fixations may come across as strange, but to me, your lack of fixations come across as bizarre. The world is endlessly fascinating. Have you never felt that compulsion to just fully immerse yourself in a topic that allows you to forget about your physical body for just that moment in time? The body cannot hold me. I wish to absorb as much information as I can. If I could astral project, by gods, I would astral project. To decouple your consciousness from your mushy brain for just that little bit, to go soaring across the landscapes, to explore the cosmos, just free of all things corporeal, that would be swell. How terrible isn’t it, when you’re deep in research, learning all about the mystical religious practices of the long-dead hierophants of the ancient world, to be drawn back into the present by the sudden need to urinate? There is something so dreadfully mundane about possessing a human body. If only we could all be celestial beings allowed to just be without the biological needs associated with having flesh and blood and bone and bladders.

I am not religious, nor am I spiritual. I do not believe that there is an immaterial world that lies above the material. I do not believe there is an astral plane. I think that one of the terrifying things about living is knowing that we do not possess such a thing as an eternal soul, that all things are temporal, and that ultimately, we have to come to terms with that. It’s not so terrible. In some ways, the temporal nature of life can be its biggest blessing. All things must pass. Sure, that does include the good times, like that vacation you spent as a child wishing that it would never end. But it also includes the bad times. The heartbreak you feel from a failed relationship. The grief you feel after the passing of a parent. The depression some of us are burdened with. Some days are worse than others. But they too will pass. One of the remarkable things about the human body is its ability to bounce back from injury. To change and evolve in ways we sometimes find unthinkable. The brain, likewise, is transformational, capable of incredible developments. We’re not fixed in stone. We’re not eternal. Which is a good thing. It is what allows recuperation and progress. I should be thankful to my body for being there, even when I’m not. After all, isn’t your body your temple?

I am able-bodied. Am I disabled? There’s naturally a lot of questions that surround how we ought to understand mental illness or neurodiversity in regards to disability. Does autism spectrum disorder count as a disability? Well, yes, it can be considered a learning disability. It is certainly something of a handicap, you are experiencing struggles that most people don’t experience. But to your average layperson, your typical dullard who spends their time watching reality TV, drinking beer, and being happy, what counts as a disability to them? Would they see me and think I was disabled? I’m not in a wheelchair. I don’t walk with a cane. Though I will occasionally “stim,” make small repetitive moments with my hands or legs, I do not exhibit any kind of physical symptoms. If I told them that I was disabled, they’d scoff and tell me that I’m just making it up for attention. They’d say I’m probably just trying to mooch off the government, scoring welfare checks while doing nothing to contribute to society. I’ve got all my limbs. I am not sickly. I am actually quite strong, due to being a big and tall man, I am able to carry quite the load. So, I have no reason to not be a fully productive member of society, right? And yet, here I am, feeling at most times utterly perplexed by anything physical. Probably because I am just lazy, right?

I don’t think laziness is a thing. What is laziness supposed to actually be? Tiredness? If a person is perpetually tired, then they’ve likely got a sleep disorder. To call them lazy would be callous. There are plenty of overworked people that get called lazy, especially by tyrannical overseers who think of their charges as mere workhorses whose only purpose in life is to toil away in the factory until the day they die. Intolerable parents who see their terminally sullen child and instead of wondering what is making them so upset decide to deride them for their lack of ambition. Are you lazy when you are procrastinating? No you are just being a tad irresponsible, maybe, deciding to skip out on chores in order to play video games or masturbate. But you’re not just doing nothing. People generally don’t enjoy doing nothing. We need something to occupy ourselves, to fill that vacuum we all feel whenever we’re just sitting still. I am someone who appears to be comfortable just sitting still, but that’s because I’ve learned, since a very young age, to entertain myself with my own thoughts. To fantasise, to daydream, to do anything I can to escape from the void that is doing absolutely nothing. Boredom, that’s terrible. Boredom is existential dread. Of all the motivations that drive humans, love, spite, jealousy, or pride, I think the need to evade boredom is one of the most prevalent. Humans would rather experience electric shocks than sit alone in a room being bored.

I am not lazy, I am merely… excessively circumscribed. For as much as this may be a specific diagnostic criteria for autism spectrum disorder, I think it is also a common trait amongst all humans. There will always be within us a pull to do something other than the thing that we’re really supposed to be doing, that does not make us lazy, that just makes us terrified of boredom. Sure, you know that you’re supposed to mow the lawn, but that's just so dreadfully tedious, you just would rather be working on perfecting your new stand-up comedy routine. Thinking up jokes to tell on stage is so much more stimulating than cutting grass. And who cares if your lawn grows a little wild? Lawns are a scam, imposed by fascists to make us think grass in its natural state is ugly. All grass is beautiful, whether it is cut short or it is allowed to grow long. Do the thing that fulfils you. Allow yourself to become immersed in passion, to forget about those things that hold you back, the little silly things we’ve convinced ourselves is important. Stay up late, if you wish. You’re gonna kill it on open mic night, bud!

Yes, it is a problem when your obsessions grow so singular that you forget to feed yourself. When you forget personal hygiene, when you become trapped in your own apartment looking like some feral rodent caught in a cage. Like always, the key is moderation, and I know that from time to time, you may have to entertain a boring task or two. Clean your room, brush your teeth, trim your pubic hair, try to give an impression that you are taking care of yourself. If for anyone, do it for your mother. She will be happy seeing you looking like a civilised individual, wearing clean clothes and not looking malnourished. But don’t ever chastise yourself for being lazy. Laziness is a sin that we’re all guilty of, and if we’re all guilty of it, is it really a sin? Or is it just part of what it means to be a human? To be a messy creature made out of flesh and blood and bone and the occasional bladder. In the end, I’m more happy than displeased at having a body. It’d be much harder to type on a keyboard if I didn’t have fingers.

Still, I wish I wasn’t fat.

#neurodiversity #neurodivergent #autism spectrum disorder #autism #aspergers #mental health

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ffangirlingsince2001 · 4 years

Text

Said and Done

anonymous asked:

Reader is sick. Geralt has been distant lately so he hasn't noticed that they're sick. All of of them are invited to this party-thingy. Yen is there. Then reader realizes why he has been so distant lately. He's been thinking abt Yen. Reader wants to sing Jaskier warns against it. They sing "God is a woman." By ariana grande. Even though they're sick, they nail the high notes and belts .Geralt feels guilty for not noticing reader was sick because he's been distant. Reader leaves Jaskier is pissed

A/N: Before this fic, I had never listened to this song, and I didn’t do exactly what anon requested, but I hope it still works for you. :)

Geralt x Reader

Warnings: sick!reader, angst, fluff

You, you love it how I move you You love it how I touch you My one, when all is said and done You'll believe God is a woman

Your misfortune began with poison, thick and blue, slipped into a glass of ale and stirred until fully incorporated. No one knew who had slipped it into your drink, and they were long gone by the time you had started vomiting across the floor. At first you thought it was food poisoning and then a bug, but when it hadn’t stopped and Jaskier had shown up at your door with a vile, filled with the aforementioned liquid, the situation became much more sinister. So, while you laid in bed desperately trying to keep nutrients in your body, Geralt searched for your assassin and Jaskier searched for an antidote.

And I, I feel it after midnight A feelin' that you can't fight My one, it lingers when we're done You'll believe God is a woman

The antidote came first, along with a very worried bard who helped you into a warm bath and spent most of his earnings on purchasing a feast to help you get back into the groove. You were his costar after all, so it was no surprise that with the summer solstice coming up he needed you in tip top condition. He assured you that it had nothing to do with that, and he simply wanted you to be healthy, but you could tell by the way that he glanced at the sun from the window that he was keeping track of how many days until the festival began. As the days dragged on your health slowly improved, but with a certain Witcher’s absence, the worry that churned in your stomach wasn’t very helpful in easing the illness that wracked your body.

I don't wanna waste no time, yeah You ain't got a one-track mind, yeah Have it any way you like, yeah And I can tell that you know I know how I want it

Then, as if the air could feel your longing, he was beside your bed, cradling your hand. Physically he was back by your side, but something felt off. It seemed impossible to catch his eye and every moment that he was by your side was laced with something almost uncomfortable. You wanted to know what he had learned while searching, but he had insisted that he had found nothing. A feat that, even in your delusional state, seemed near impossibility. He had never failed to find what he was looking for, especially when it was important, but now he lay at your bedside with nothing but a distant look in his eyes.

Ain't nobody else can relate Boy, I like that you ain't afraid Baby, lay me down and let's pray I'm tellin' you the way I like it, how I want it

At first you didn’t notice the way he wouldn’t catch your eye or the way his hand pulled away when you reached for him. When you quietly whispered through the darkness, asking him if he was alright, he only offered a grunt in response. You were worried he was ill, that something terrible had happened on his journey, but one day you had noticed that Jaskier was still treated like a friend worthy of conversing with. It was just you, and for a second you feared he was preparing for you to die. While Jaskier fussed over your health, begging you to eat something or reprimanding you when you tried to stand, Geralt watched you with hooded eyes, saying nothing at all.

And I can be all the things you told me not to be When you try to come for me, I keep on flourishing And he see the universe when I'm the company It's all in me

This difference became even more apparent the morning of the summer solstice. Even though the rolling in your stomach had not ceased and the room danced around you like drunken ballerinas, you sat up. With great effort you pulled yourself to the closet and threw it open, searching for the dress that had been purchased for the night. It was one of the most expensive garments you had ever owned, a gift from the man who had hired you to sing as the sun finally set. The white silk shimmered with every shift, the threads of gold that had been littered through sparkling like the sun rays that turned the sky brilliant shades of pink and orange before it settled beneath the mountains. It was beautiful, and you prayed that you would not empty the contents of your stomach onto its intricated designs.

You were pulling it over your head when Jaskier and Geralt entered the room, both already prepared for the festivities.

“What are you doing?” Jaskier gasped while Geralt merely narrowed his eyes at the skirt of your dress.

“I’m getting ready,” you said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Jaskier’s eyes seemed to bug out of his head, and even Geralt spared you a look of disbelief.

“You’re ill,” Jaskier protested and you shook your head.

“The show must go on. I’ve performed in worse,” you shrugged, balancing yourself against the doorframe, daring either to see through your lie. They, of course, did.

You, you love it how I move you You love it how I touch you My one, when all is said and done You'll believe God is a woman

But you went nonetheless. At first, Jaskier had insisted on staying with you but you sent him away with a persistent glare and the insistence that you would not hesitate to punch him. The fresh air against your sickly pale face was wonderful and the smell of flowers and baking fruit filled every nerve in your body. You couldn’t believe you had considered not coming, when here, out in the open, you felt healthier than you had in weeks. The laughter of children and sight of woman dancing to Jaskier’s lute seemed to be the only antidote you needed. It’s not to say that your stomach did not still ache and that when the sun glinted a little too brightly you didn’t wince, but you felt far better than you had even before the poisoning. Everything seemed wonderful, until you spotted them.

And I, I feel it after midnight A feelin' that you can't fight My one, it lingers when we're done You'll believe God is a woman

Tucked away in a corner, beneath a booth of brightly colored scarves was Geralt, and his lovely little wage. Suddenly, everything made sense. The distance, the lack of eye contact, the length at which had taken him to return to your side. He had reconnected with Yennefer. Truth be told, you would be surprised if he had even bothered looking for an antidote once he had found her. She was in great contrast to you, but still he seemed enthralled with every breath she took. Part of you wanted to march over to his side and let him have it, but the other part, a more sane part, allowed you to fade back into the crowd before he noticed you.

I'll tell you all the things you should know So, baby, take my hand, save your soul We can make it last, take it slow, hmm And I can tell that you know I know how I want it, yeah

You avoided the couple for the rest of day, ducking behind carts and hiding behind crowds of dancing couples. You even avoided Jaskier until the sun began to set and you needed you accompaniment for your performance.

“You’re not going to sing,” he insisted but you laughed at him.

“That’s the whole reason we’re here. We can’t disappoint.”

“You’re ill.”

“Just barely.”

“I saw you throwing up half an hour ago.”

“I’ll be fine. This is important to me, and if you don’t want to join me I’ll do it without you.” He sighed in defeat and hefted his lute over his shoulder, motioning for you to lead the way to the stage.

But you're different from the rest And boy, if you confess, you might get blessed See if you deserve what comes next I'm tellin' you the way I like it, how I want it

You took your place in the center and bowed deeply to your employer. The dress he had bought was now glistening like that of an angels, and the crowd was watching you intently. Over the hundreds of heads you could see your Witcher and his mage, staring at you very intently. You sent him the strongest smile you could manage and motioned for the instruments to begin playing. It was almost too easy to come up with the lyrics, to rub in the message that was so important for Geralt to understand. They came easily and before you knew it you were singing, high notes and all.

And I can be all the things you told me not to be When you try to come for me, I keep on flourishing And he see the universe when I'm the company It's all in me

With every note you sang, your stomach churned and you grew a little more lightheaded but you refused to fall when you had a point to make. You had to make him understand, you just had to. You couldn’t bare the idea of him leaving you for Yennefer, not after everything you had been through. You forced every ounce of pain, every ounce of sickness, every ounce of hatred, and every ounce of strength you could muster. Through the song you could feel tears bubbling beneath the surface, but you kept singing.

You, you love it how I move you You love it how I touch you My one, when all is said and done You'll believe God is a woman

The world was going black as the song was finishing. The world was hazy and you weren’t sure how much longer you could keep up the song. And you soon found out that wasn’t much longer. Jaskier had his arms around you and lowered you to the ground before your head could come in contact with the stage beneath you. The crowd around you was gasping and murmuring, rushing forward to check on the star who had fallen before them. You could see Jaskier hovering over you, brushing away stray locks of hair. Even more surprisingly the familiar white hair of your Witcher was tickling your cheek.

And I, I feel it after midnight A feelin' that you can't fight My one, it lingers when we're done You'll believe God is a woman, yeah, yeah

“Y/N,” he yelled, cradling your head, fanning you with about as much grace as someone so big could manage. “Y/N, wake up.”

“Go away,” you groaned pushing him away, turning your eyes away from his with a jerk. “Back to Yennefer.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, she made me, for the antidote,” he begged you, pulling your hand into his. You allowed your eyes to drift back to his and were surprised to find tears running down his face. “I have it, and you’re going to get better.”

“I have you,” you whispered and he nodded, pulling you closer, the little bottle filled with your life force held tightly in his hand, and with the way he was looking at you, you knew that this treacherous chapter in your life was all said and done.

#geralt x reader #geralt of rivia #geralt of rivia x reader #geralt of rivia fluff #geralt of rivia angst #geralt fanfic #the witcher #the witcher smut #the witcher x reader #the witcher fluff #the witcher angst

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