#mango is a man hater

[mangoisamonster]

Still a virgin at 18 going on 19 because every man since the age of 10 has only majorly disappointed me🤠

[blurrymango]

2D: "MURDOC HOLY SHIT I'M FFUCKING PREGNANT."

Murdoc: "Time for a... Boibortion."

*static*

Cyborg Noodle: "And that, kids, is why mpreg is wrong. Return to christ."

Credits play.

This PSA has sponsored by God

[your-unfriendlyghost]

So I’ve been working on a group project at school with this group of three girls. (They’re like already an established friend group, I just joined because my friends wanted to do I project about video games and honestly I’m a video game hater) Now that’s all fine and whatever- I have a lotta friends who are girls so I figured there was nothing too different here. But istg these girls keep telling me stuff that “girls do/like” that I have never heard of?? I’d wonder if they’re fucking with me, except that they’re so earnest about it that it doesn’t seem like a joke 😭

For example, they told me a bit ago that “You boys don’t understand how much scent matters when it comes to girls liking you.” And at first that made sense- I mean yeah duh hygiene is important. Showering is important too. Fine. But when I said that, they all shook their heads.

“No,” one of them clarified matter-of-factly, “we mean like base scents. Your natural scent.”

So I was confused, obviously, because I have never heard of this??

Apparently what they meant was that everyone’s got a distinct scent, and that -allegedly- girls can tell what it is. I was still confused. Like ik about natural body scent and whatever but I didn’t think it smelled like anything in particular except for like…sweat, yk? But no, apparently it’s very complex and well-known and “You don’t get it because you’re a man. See look, Lyn smells like mango and fruit. This is an example of a ‘heavier’ scent. People with heavier scents tend to be attracted to people with heavier scents too. Smell her wrist.”

It smelled like wrist. I am so confused.

“Now Casper, you smell like cinnamon and warm spices. That’s pretty good. You should use spicy and woodsy-smelling colognes so that it combines well.”

I smelled my wrist- it smelled like wrist, not cinnamon. And “combines well” ?? Huh?? Genuinely, is this like a thing people actually notice that I just…haven’t heard of?? I really doubt they’re bullshitting it because they went really in depth and seem to really believe it- are they just living in a parallel universe where that’s common knowledge??

I mean this is just one of many similar instances. Some others include “Girls like guys who have long hair and think all guys with short hair are ugly. Not you tho Casper because you have wavy short hair and that’s different!” and “Girls don’t feel pain as strongly as guys do, which is the biological tradeoff for not building muscle as fast” and “Men know they have problems but don’t fix them. Women usually don’t know when they have problems, but when they do, they try to fix them.” To most of these I’ve said some variation of “What?” or “huh?” or “I’m pretty sure that’s just y’all specifically,” but they usually say it’s true and like. Well-known?! Idk I think they’re gaslighting me and/or maybe themselves?? Or am I just really unaware or something??

[yourreddancer]

Colbert names for Drumpf

Adolf Twitler

Agent Orange 

Al Caporn

The Angry Creamsicle

Barbecued Brutus

Been-A-Dick Donald

The Big Lie-bowski

Boss Tweet

Bratman

Cadet Bone Spurs

Cheeto Benito

Chunk Norris

Clownigula

Combover Caligula

Con Juan

Creamsicle Stalin

Creep Throat

The Count of Mostly Crisco

Darth Hater

Dick a l'orange

Donald Chump

Dolt 45

Don Con Jovi

Donnie Bratso

Donny Crappleseed

Donorrhea

Draft Dodger Don

Dumbelldore

El Crappy Tan

Fiberace

Flabba Dabba Doo

Floridian Flag Fondler

Flounder in Chief

Fluorescent Tangerine Imbecile

Forrest Dump

Fraudfather

Fraud Flintstone

The Fraud of Fifth Avenue

Gaseous Clay

Genghis Can’t

Genghis Con

Girth Vader

The Godfarter

Goldman Sucks 

Groper Cleveland

The Great White Dope

Hair Furher

Jabba the Gut

King Leer  

Let One Rip Van Winkle

Lex Loser

The Lone DeRanger

Lord Feltersnatch

LyinKing

Mallomar Gaddafi

Mango Mussolini

Mango Unchained

A Man For All Treasons

The Man of Steal

Mayor McTreason

Micropenis Maniac

Mopey Prick

Napoleon Bonerpill

Nectarine Nero

Not My POTUS

Notorious B.I.G.O.T.

Oaf of Office

Old Wack Donald

Old Yeller

Orange Cone of Treason

Otto Von Skidmark

Pillsbury Duh Boy

Prima Donald

Putin’s Pawn

Quarter Flounder

Resident of Maragulago

Resident of Maralardo

Schmuck a l’orange

Scooby Coup

Shitler

Super Callous Fragile Racist Sexist

Stonewall Jackass

Tangerine Latrine

Tangerine Turd

Tangerine Twitler

The Talking Yam

Traitor Tot

Trumplethinskin

The Turd Reich

Voldemoron

Winnie the Coup

Walker, Taxes Evader

White Pride Pied Piper

The Wrath of Con

[explosivejey]

IM SORRY FOR BEING A MANGO HATER!!!! its just too much man. GRRRRR

MEGA SUPER L 🦅🦅🦅‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ I WONT ALLOW MANGO SLANDER IN MY HOUSE

[wild-moss-art]

Tagged by @blaiddydboyfriend thanks buddy 🤗🙏

Rules: tag 10 people you want to know better(you know me tho, I won’t do this)

Relationship status: in a relationship

Favorite color: green but kinda murky and swampy. Mossy, if you will

Song stuck in my head: mothman ur a man and a moth, I said mothman ur a moth and a man, I said mothman ur pretty wings are so soft when they flap! a! gainst! my! lamp! shade!

Last song listened to: psychic juggle by uneXpect (only look this one up if you really like weird metal)

3 favorite foods: room temp day old black coffee, flesh of my lovers, blood of my haters

Last thing I googled: can rabbit have mango skin, and the prequel can rabbit have mango(he can have both)

Dream trip: I do not like to travel, I will stay home. Maybe the gas station on the corner nearby

Anything I want right now: I would like to not be ill or at least to know what my illness is 😔

Tagging: anyone who wants to share!!

[peachicake]

Likes- Toga, Udon, Walking around, my little Sister, apple juice, dogs, anime, my Rui statue, Levi Ackerman, Dōma, Mango Mochi, strawberry boba, fire, ginger snaps, milk, strawberry milk, sweet stuff, Inosuke, sweaters (I am always cold), Mango Passion Fruit Ice Cream, DSMP, axolotls, sakura mochi, mango, strawberry, Dragonfruit, SpyxFamily, My hero academia, demon slayer, Black butler, ONE PIECE, Snk/AoT, Tokyo Ghoul, Tokyo Revengers, Bungo Stray Dogs, Assassination Classroom, TBHK, Death note, fire Force, AoT junior high, Kaguya-sama Love is War, Bleach, Naruto, Noragimi, Mario, Animal Crossing, Chainsaw man, The Promised NeverLand, HunterxHunter, one punch man, Official Hige Dandism, LiSA, Disney movies, Boo Bitch, Spider Lillies, rain, dark clouds, Toilet bound Hanako Kun, Abbot Elementary, Modern Family, the Rookie, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Danganropa, FNF

Dislikes- haters, bullying, SanGiyu/ObaGiyu, AkaRen, Axolotl bullies, Reiner x Eren, burnt bread, burnt eggs, burnt food in general, Cantaloupe, pineapple, prunes, plums, mean people , minor x character, minor smut , SpyxFamily haters and my liked anime haters, MINETA, proshippers

[applejuiceaddictyo]

oh aight so what im takin from this is that im still yer favorite, ya just dont wanna admit it. an as yer favorite ya need ta drop the dream deets. its required.

maybe i lied. i was a liar. check my pants cause theyre on fire bro. theres maybe one or two good artificial strawberry things but your love of it is just unholy. and yer just a hater. my opinions are peak and im proclaimin you the least correct opinion-holder of all time.

felt on it being hot as balls by the way, i got my window down and a box fan on the highest settin but my ass is dyin. just like texas.

i never said that. and nuh uh, even favorites dont get to know. its embarrassing as shit

its not a LOVE of it. the only flavor i outright love is apple. REGULAR apple. mango and cherry are pretty good too. also you cant proclaim me that cuz ive already proclaimed myself the most correct guy ever

man. im pissed about it gettin hot cuz that means ill be fucked if i try and nest. die of heatstroke or some shit

[deaths]

mango liker solidarity. stay strong in the face of wrong opinions my man 🤝

always. don't worry about it haters never win

[mangoisamonster]

[blurrymango]

Average Pinterest user upon seeing the most tame 2Doc art-

And they always ALWAYS gotta comment about how much they don't like the ship.

[yiling]

What is the deal with 'Sexy Times with WangXian'??

ohhhhh man my guy, what isn’t the deal with sexy times with wangxian

it’s this fic, which as far as I can tell is your bog standard post-canon wangxian live in cloud recesses and have a lot of torrid sex fic. the extraordinary thing about it, which you will quickly notice if you click that link, is the amount of tags.

The additional tags alone (excluding pairings and character tags, which are also pretty bulky) are WELL OVER A THOUSAND WORDS (1,449 as of this writing, in fact). the tags by themself are longer than some fics. and this thing has been constantly, constantly at the top of the wangxian page, the MDZS page, and the CQL page, because it’s 269 chapters and the author wouldn’t stop updating it. (completed, it is over a million words.)

now, there are a lot of fics with big tagsets, although not this big, and they’re usually this type of fic - porny longrunners where the author feels the need to tag every individual sex act. but the tags on sexy times with wangxian are...beyond that. aside from what i can only assume are some fairly bizarre fetishes (”Penis Measuring”, “Talking Vagina”, “Heartbeat Kink”, “Blow Jobs With Teeth”), there’s a lot of very mundane stuff, thing you wouldn’t usually tag. other tags include: “Flowers”, “Campfires”, “Mangos”, “Pants”, and “Sleep.”

might the story include all these things? who knows, it’s 269 chapters of not-good porn, so I haven’t read it. but i feel like we can agree this is excessive.

it wasn’t always thus - as far as I can tell, there were originally way less (though still a lot) of tags, again, mostly sex acts. a couple people commented to say the size of the tags made browsing frustrating, some politely, some not so much. the author, someone by the handle of virtual1979, took umbrage with this, and eventually pulled the charming move of adding more and more tags out of pure spite, turning into a vicious cycle where the more tags got added, the more angry people commented, which made the author add more tags. this thing came to my attention when the author decided to put it in the songxuexiao tag. whether it actually contains that ship, i cannot say.

the story is complete, but the author may or may not still be adding tags. they have also apparently been on a comment deletion spree - there are screenshots of this thing drifting around with >500 comments, but as of this writing there are 71. i wish i’d archived it so you could see for yourself, but you’ll have to take my word for it. i suppose the author got tired of antagonizing their haters.

so, that’s what’s up with sexy times with wangxian. may it please fade into obscurity, so that i don’t have to scroll past it anymore

[ariendiel]

What do you think the Season 2 cast's lives are like after the show if they DIDN'T get with MC?

OoOoHhHhhhh, this is such a good one, Mango. I've seen a few other people already answer it for you already, but figured I might as well do it as well since you took the time to send the ask my way too (I'm not doing all of them though, sorry!) 💙

the LITG S2 cast – after the show

Blake

She's absolutely thriving with all the PR and deals she got. Her stint on Love Island was brief, but she's absolutely milking it for all it's worth. Blake definitely got a boohoo deal out of the show.

Bobby

I think he'd try to go back to working at the hospital, but the fame would be distracting to the point where it'd probably be unsafe. Besides, I think it's basically agreed in the fandom he'd eventually start his own bakery, right? He'd also be the one to appear the most on random morning shows, being as extroverted as he is, and remain close with Gary – and to some extent the rest of the gym crew (Rahim and Noah).

Carl

Ohhh, I think Carl would find dealing with the attention quite tricky, but also he'd use it to potentially start his own little tech company. He's introverted and shy, but also clever and knows how to get the most out of it – he'd just have to be careful not to lose himself too much. Carl would probably also be one of the Islanders to get a small cult following lol

Chelsea

I feel like she'll struggle to cope for a bit, the attention and online love/hate being a bit much at time for someone with ADHD like her. However, she's so intrinsically positive I wouldn't be surprised if she powers through and becomes a bit of a national darling. She moves from interior design and to more event managing, gets some stellar advice from her therapist and just lives her best life (I refuse to acknowledge Chelsea x Rocco).

Elisa

She'll use Love Island for a while to get more followers and lucrative deals, but she'll soon enough move on to her next influencer project – Elisa can't let her brand become stale after all.

Gary

Him and his nan would totally get a show together right? Or at least start a youtube channel. His nan would steal all the attention–as she should–and they'd bring on other Islanders as guests etc. The gym crew is a fan favourite of course. However, I also think Gary would kind of miss just being a regular crane operator, and so not quite let go of his old life. He still goes to the pub with his mates, where Dicky absolutely makes fun of him and they pull a few "birds" using Gary's stint on Love Island to grab their attention.

Hannah

Exactly what @hopeshoodie said here. She'll try to kickstart her writing career and marry some boring rich white man because she thinks that'll make her happy. Then, she'll have a few kids and be relatively rich and miserable before running off with Lottie during her mid-life crisis.

Henrik

He'd probably just venture of into a forest and eat some moss for a while. Okay, but honestly I wouldn't be surprised if ITV2 just kind of loses him. He's meant to be doing interviews, but he forgot and is now cuddling sheep on St Kilda. I think he'd randomly show up for a few interviews, but fame isn't really his think although he's ridiculously charming. Instead of being forgotten though, people start a #HenrikSpotted trend and he eventually moves back to Sweden.

Hope

Her business mind will thrive after the show. Nope ends pretty much the second they land back in the UK, but she doesn't mind because she's got more than enough to do. I feel like she'd bury herself in work and brand deals, working towards the top in the toy company while ignoring the haters as best as she can. However, she soon realises she needs to process what happened on the show and the aftermath, and so starts going to therapy and taking better care of herself.

Ibrahim

I've fully embraced what he said in CMM, and think he'll slowly step away from golf after the show, and instead moving on to drawing/writing comic books. I think Love Island was quite transformative for him, which he'll talk about in interviews once he feels ready. He also keeps in touch with Noah, and unlike what was said in CMM I can see him and Jo lasting if they work for it (I'm probably in the minority who doesn't mind Jo).

Jakub

I think we get a small look into it in the wedding reunion, but Jakub would definitely get into modeling for fitness magazines, and probably judging body building contests as a "celebrity judge". He also starts doing what Justin Bieber does did, and posts random photos of fit models on his instagram with "damn who's this?" under them to draw their attention in the hopes of a quickl hookup. He starts his own protein shake brand.

Lottie

Her and Gary probably lasted longer than Nope – which is to say not that long at all, maybe a week lol. And as we know, she was quick to move to the US, where I think she'd stay for a while as a MUA and influencer. She'd definitely start her own youtube channel, and who knows what kind of weird dramas she'd get into there (imagine her mixed in with J*ffree Star, Tati and James Charles? 💀)

Lucas

I honestly think he'll disappear from the limelight for a while, instead only doing the interviews he has to for the TV channel, before taking off on his bike. Lucas didn't go on the show to get famous, but he uses his bit of fame to try to bring focus onto charities like Doctors Without Borders while also returning to his regular job.

Marisol

Marisol probably likes the idea of fame more than fame itself. Fuckbois sliding into her DMs, twitter hate, and such really isn't what she wants or imagined, although she thought she was prepared for it. So even though she has a few deals and tries to make the most of it, she eventually returns to her studies and doesn't try to remain relevant.

Noah

He goes back to his job at the library in Romford, but uses the bit of fame he got to promote a few charities and his Sunday reading classes for children. He's still good friends with the others (especially the gym crew and Lucas), and eventually also becomes great mates with Hope – nothing like laughing together over the two weeks where you both acted like idiots.

Priya

I think it's pretty much canon that she goes back to doing some modeling and more fashion related stuff? Priya pretty much got what she wanted from the show I believe: a free summer holiday with hot people, and fame. I think she'll date/hook up with a few famous people, and keep the public's attention the most "naturally" out of almost all of them.

Rocco

He'd pretend to go "off the grid" for a while, to cleanse his spirit or something after the show, but he'd definitely be updating his social media and comment on the show. Rocco would definitely do ads for vitamin bears and detox tea on his instagram, in between advertising his food van and new business of "mindfulness classes".

[americanphysco]

Top 5 McDonalds menu items?

okay disclaimer I am a vegetarian and have been for about six years so what I order at mcdonalds is usually pretty boring and is almost entirely drinks so sorry in advance </3

5. mocha frappe. I still don't fully know what mocha is but it tastes good and while I don't order frappes a lot I think they're a fun lil treat.

4. that mango slushie thing they've got for the summer. I think it's a minute made slush but don't quote me on that. anyway it's good.

3. shamrock shake. drinks that make you wish you were irish.

2. fries. mcdonalds fries fuck so hard man. personally I think burger king has the best fast food fries (although I've heard arby's is a good competitor. I've never been) but mcdonalds is a very close second.

1. mcdonald's large iced coffee my BELOVED. mcdonalds coffee is stupid good and anybody who says otherwise is a snob and a hater. unfortunately they messed up my coffee this morning bc I always order it black and for some reason they added milk and sugar but I felt too bad to complain so I drank it anyway 😭 it was like. $1.22 so who cares but still. anyways order mcdonalds coffee it's so worth it.

[armandgender]

literally just post mangoes what are you a mango hater man go

what are you talking about i love mangos and otHEr stonefruits Like Peaches

[mango-shpango]

Mango man I fucked up I saw a fellow mcyt fan in a discord sever we spoke very vaguely- THEN LIKE SOMEHOW A BUNCH OF PEOPLE DOGPILED AND STARTED TALKING ABOUT HOW SHIT DREAM IS— and to each their own yknow BUT I WAS TALKING ABOUT HOW MUCH I LIKED THEIR PFP— OF NIKI-

Now time for joke along mode so ur not mauled apart by all the haters who are ultimately just as bad as the people they’re hating on—

huh