So my roommate and I are quarantined together because we both got COVID together, and I convinced them to listen to the entirety of Epic: the Musical (which, if you didn't know, is a musical retelling of the Odyssey and is full of absolutely GORGEOUS music made by extremely skilled peoples, but it is a retelling of the Odyssey so it gets dark and sad sometimes). They then did so in one sitting, and I wrote down their comments for the entire time because we were stuck together and they had a lot to say. (Don't worry, they gave permission for me to post this to "the forums" because the people would like it, even though I didn't ask to. Great fun, this roommate.)
(I think it's worth noting that I've gotten into the habit of saying "like the musical?" whenever they say "epic", which is quite frequently. We happen to be the pinnacle of humor.)
If you still haven't listened to Epic, go do that and then come back here (it's only a little under 2 hours as of writing this!). The following contains spoilers up through the Wisdom Saga and Hold Them Down (which has not been released yet but there are clips, and I hope that's the actual title but I don't know).
Final warning! Go listen to it if you haven't! You can find it on YouTube and Spotify, probably other places as well but those are the ones I know of.
Heads up for strong language. My roommate swears.
"Full speed ahead = this guy loves his wife"
"Fire but no smoke???? Guys do NOT go to that island"
"Bro do not go to the cave. Bro, they're going to the cave, fucking idiots."
"Bruhhhh… all his men are getting hit by the club! Dumbass. That's why you don't go into the fucking cave."
"Broooo… these guys are DEFINITELY gonna open the bag! I mean cuz there are like four other parts… so there's no way they make it home."
"Bruh… fucking idiots… opening the bag!"
"Yoooo, Poseidon just showed up!"
"Wouldn't you like is FIREEEE"
"Brooo… this guy's gonna cheat on his wife with a nymph."
"Bro this guy's cheatin' on his wife! This guy's cheatin' on his wife! Guys! This guy's cheatin' on his wife!"
"Mmmm… is he gonna cheat on his wife? I feel like it's implied that he's gonna cheat on his wife. Because that's what happened in the book, he had sex with everybody. Then he got home and got mad at his wife. But HE'S the slut!"
"Oh he's not cheating on his wife."
"Bruh… he lowkey wants to cheat on his wife. He kinda wants to cheat on his wife! Okay, whatever."
"Oh, well the prophet is dead. Oh shit they gotta go to the underworld!"
"Uh oh it's the underworld time! Wait I'm almost at the Monster Energy song."
"Oh shit 558 men died because of this guy? Oh it's all his dead men being like, what the hell."
"BRUHHH HIS MOM DIED??? Goddamn. Bruh his mom died while he was gone, that's so sad!"
"Come on… come on… monster! Yes!"
"Whatever. No longer you is taking 3 million years to end, hurry up!"
They made this instead of listening to the song and had to go back to actually hear it:
"Well now he's gonna be evil for real because everyone's telling him ruthlessness is mercy. And he's like, well if everyone's telling me to do it."
"Ooh thunder saga, I bet it's Zeus. Epic Zeus moment!"
"Wait he has a daughter? I thought he had a son. Oh I bet it's an evil siren thing."
"Bro he's getting tricked, his ass is getting tricked!"
"This guy's… this guy's crazy. This guy's getting tricked! It's not Penelope!"
"Oh he knew that, he knew it. Whatever. Whatever. Okay. It's so fucking emo."
"Haha he doesn't have a daughter. I remembered."
"Bruh, everyone's mad at him for missing his wife. You'd let your men die to see your wife? Um, why don't you just survive? Skill issue."
"Oh my god fucking dumbass killed the cow. Idiot idiot idiot. Apollo's gonna get your fucking ass. Dude! These guys keep killing cattle that don't belong to them."
"Ooh this is awesome. Odysseus has to choose between his own life and his men. I feel like he's gonna choose his own life. Because they all suck and they're fucking stupid."
"Oooh, who is he gonna choose, I feel like he's gonna choose himself! Because his crew is all fucking stupid!"
"(gasp) he picked himself! Because he loves his wife so much!"
"(gasp)"
"Oh it's his son or whatever."
"Everyone wants to fuck his mom!"
"Don't call her a tramp."
"Awesome Athena moment."
"No, Athena! Don't blame yourself for Odysseus being a piece of shit. He kinda did that to himself."
"Is it mean to think his son is kind of annoying?"
"I just like Athena when she's being kind of mean. Like I don't care that she's being nice right now."
"Bruh! Oh my god he just keeps getting trapped. Stupid."
"Everyone wants Odysseus. I feel like it would be more interesting if he cheated on his wife."
"I guess it would be too much like Hamilton if he cheated on his wife."
"Bro he's gonna kill himself!"
"That's so annoying. If he's just gonna kill himself after killing all his men… I don't know…"
"Oh Aphrodite's voice is so epic."
"Oh they just made him not cheat on his wife so that Hera would like him!"
"That was fire! That was pretty epic!"
Bonus, re: Telemachus
Me: "Be nice to him!"
Them: "I'll probably like him more after they try to kill him. You can write that one down too."
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