#man mc lubricator

[idealdieselmarine]

MAN 5982848 - 4/2-WAY SOLENOID VALVE-Plate No. 7973-0620-0006-,P/N:6002808-9 00,

MAN 5982848 - 4/2-WAY SOLENOID VALVE-Plate No. 7973-0620-0006 P/N:6002808-9 00-Item No.0010 -Code: 190271 SDHE-0613/A-X 24DC

Below details New MAN 4/2-WAY SOLENOID VALVE we have for sale:

Maker: MAN prime serv / MAN Energy Solutions

MAN part no 5982848-6 (p max 350bar)

Plate no: 7973-0620-0006 Solenoid valve item no 010

Code: 190271 SDHE-0613/A-X 24DC

Label details:

4/2-WAY SOLENOID VALVE

Plate No. 7973-0620-0006

Item No.0010

Customer P/N:6002808-9 00

Qty 3pcs

We also have new parts available for ALFA LUBRICATOR

[talkbycolor]

halloween night

A/N; y e s, solivan as ghostface, HAPPY HALLOWEEN !!!

Pairing; "Solivan Brugmansia" x AFAB!Reader

CW; panic at the disco anxiety on the kitchen / non-con / ghostface mask stays on during sex / both are fucked up, grow up / dead dove as always / established relationship, unhealthy relationship / Sol is aggresive towards MC, important point

Halloween night! Who doesn't like that holiday? Parties, costumes, candy, terror, a time to enjoy with friends… Sure, if you had any.

It's not that you were a super strange person that people would avoid at school, you had friends who knew how to have fun and liked your company, in fact, Crowe kept texting you to remind you about the party Brittney had planned and if it was her party, you were pretty sure it would be as loud as it was mind-blowing.

You were almost ready, even if your costume wasn't the most creative it was in keeping with the theme, you just had to finish putting on your shoes.

…

You were a ghost, Brittney was definitely going to make fun of you, who would think of taking a white blanket and making two holes in it?

Well, it was worse than nothing, besides, the fun would be chatting with friends and playing together, you couldn't wait to see-…

Knock, knock

That was the door to your apartment, damn it! You hadn't put any decorations in your house so you didn't expect to have any visits from children, it's not like you could buy candy for them so you walked to the door with the resignation of disappointing a couple of little ones and probably suffering some pranks.

When the door was opened… you were greeted by an empty hallway.

"Damn brats" You couldn't help but think, in the end, kids would be kids but you weren't a person to receive many unexpected visitors, that wasn't good for your poor heart.

You went back to your small room to grab your phone and check your text messages when an incoming call appeared on the screen, an unknown number.

Breathe, breathe, breathe, it's not the first time you've done this, it happens sometimes, right? Some calls when you order a package, takeout or a simple mistake in the number.

You swallowed hard before answering.

"Hello, who's speaking?" Perfect, you didn't stutter.

"…" But no one answered, in fact, if you paid attention you could hear the distant sound of breathing.

You decided not to say anything else and just hung up.

Your phone rang once again, this time accompanied by the sound of the door, no, not a knock but it being opened.

Just when you were thinking of turning around an imposing hand grabbed the back of your head and slammed it against the wall, causing an immediate nosebleed, tears of pain were not long in coming followed by pitiful whimpers as you tried to keep your eyes open to see the person responsible.

"Move and die." The voice under the mask spoke, completely dressed in black and wearing a Ghostface mask, it was a little hoarse but-…

Suddenly he pulled your hair hard, and you felt your scalp burn as you were dragged across the floor until you reached the table.

"S-STOP! IT HURTS, IT HURTS SO MUCH!" You whimpered but he didn't stop even then.

A hand came up to your throat, caressing your skin possessively as he moved up to your bleeding nose to take your blood and use it as lubricant on your pussy, that hand had black painted nails, and you recognized it.

It wasn't gentle at all, he didn't even lubricate properly due to the fear and pain you felt, he simply slid his length inside you, your body was rigid on the table, bleeding and crying on top of the wood.

"NO! NO! PLEASE! ENOUGH! SOL, I-I'M SCARED!" You begged your boyfriend.

"You only squeeze this hard when you're scared, love."

It was tearing you apart, it hurt so much, you wanted to keep screaming but once again he held your head to smash it against the table, making the bleeding worse and knocking out a tooth, you felt so dizzy and your mouth was numb from losing one of your front teeth.

You looked so perfect that the taller man moaned just by looking at you, feeling himself harden inside your pussy to pound harder into you, your flushed face was a work of art, he wanted to use your blood to paint a portrait of you, a thousand of them.

"So beautiful, so beautiful, I'm so lucky, motherfucker, I love you so much."

Instead, your limp body was being maneuvered over the table, a mix of tears, blood and saliva forming under your face.

Sol's groans increased as his climax approached, he gently held your face as he brought a small disposable camera closer to take a picture, a perfect pose where your sleepy expression was unable to focus the lens as he fucked you.

"Happy Halloween, darling."

"H-Happy Halloween, S-Sol…"

♡

[shortkingvince]

Solomon's Lovely Apprentice

Minors DNI

Solomon wanting to be bred knowing full well it would be impossible to get him pregnant, and the fact he wouldn't even want to actually be pregnant if it WERE possible, but loving the idea of being pounded so hard it defies biology...

Dom!Top!MC x Sub!Bottom!Solomon

Warnings: Solomon has a breeding kink without actually wanting to get pregnant, he just wants to be pounded to death, he wants to be the one to be bred, reader is amab. Pronouns are gender neutral.

No actual sex in this part, just Solomon's imagination running wild. An old man can dream.

Also I wrote this at 3 am with a wrist brace on due to an injury, Obey Me brainrot hit so hard that I defied such weakness /j

This is being posted at 4 am, I am eepy deepy

Solomon: Am I pregnart? /ref (This is not an MPreg fic, I don't do pregnancy fics in general, I just thought it would be silly to write Solomon desperately wanting to be bred until he can't even think)

Yes there will be a part two

NSFW under the cut

Pants filled the air, frustration welling up in the white-haired sorcerer as he desperately palmed at the tent in his pants. This had been happening far more often lately, his fantasies running wild each time he thought about you, his favorite apprentice.

He found himself rushing off to his room regularly now, unable to keep his thoughts of you at bay. He always looked so composed on the outside, but it felt like he had a raging wildfire on the inside. One that only you could quell.

He had been dropping hints here and there. Some were less obvious, with others being so obvious that he knows there's no way you aren't playing dumb on purpose. He had been doing everything he could to rile you up and get you to just take him then and there, but each attempt ended in failure.

His mind drifted away from his frustrations for a moment, fantasizing about the things he wanted you to do to him. He thought about you finally, finally bending him over and practically ripping his clothes off, giving him barely any time to use a spell to sound proof his room and lock the door.

His cock only continued to protest against the confines of his clothing. In one quick move he all but ripped his pants and boxers off, just how you did in his fantasy but without the damage to his clothes. He thought about how you'd waste no time in touching him, exploring his body and the markings he had from all the pacts he was in.

You'd trace each one, teasing him as your faint touches only fueled the blood rushing to his weeping cock. You'd trace your hand around his thighs, going so close to where he wanted you before you pulled back, staring down at him like he was some piece of prey.

He could barely control his breathing as fantasy you went back again and squeezed one of his thighs, making him let out a shaky breath. He finally let his hand start to travel towards his cock, imagining it was yours instead. Fuck, he needed you. The demon brothers were always dragging you away, giving him little time to have you for even a day.

The frustration that was building up at that thought vanished as soon as he touched his cock, making him let out a small gasp of surprise, as if it wasn't his own hand touching him. His eyes were squeezed closed as he continued to imagine you, your strokes were slow and teasing, circling the head of his cock every so often. It felt like you were trying to drive the poor man mad.

He suppressed a shiver as "you" suddenly circled a finger around his rim, hearing "you" mutter a spell that lubricated your fingers as you teased the outside of his entrance. Normally he'd be embarrassed by the moan he let out as his finger breached his hole in reality, but he couldn't care less since all he could focus on was you in his imagination. He gave himself a moment to adjust before he started to move the finger inside of him, and he couldn't stop himself from imagining how you'd look at him as you fingered him. How you'd mock and tease him for getting so worked up over one finger. Or maybe you'd coo at him, telling him how pretty he looks under you. Either one was driving him wild as he slipped a second finger inside of himself.

He started off slow at first, using his fingers to drag along his insides in a way that made him shiver. It wasn't long before his patience ran thin though, quickly ramming his fingers inside and out of him as he moaned your name into his empty room, the wet squelching causing his face to heat up in embarrassment at how he was acting, but he just couldn't stop himself. He used his other hand to tug at his cock, stroking himself fast as he got closer to his release.

It wasn't enough, it just wasn't enough. He needed your cock so badly. He needed to be bred by you even though he knew it was physically impossible for him to get pregnant. Hell, he didn't even WANT to get pregnant if he could, but the thought of you fucking him so hard and deep that it defied the literal laws of nature turned him on so badly that it hurt. He needed your cum deep inside him, pounding your seed from previous rounds even deeper into him until he couldn't even think properly.

He couldn't stop himself from letting out a deep moan as he finally came all over his shirt, having forgotten to remove it earlier in his frantic state. Once he finally snapped back to reality and gently pulled his fingers out of him, he couldn't help but cringe at the feeling of his cum seeping through his shirt. That only made him think about what you'd say if you saw him so desperate like this though, frustration welling up again as he felt himself rub his thighs together.

Fuck.

He used a spell to clean his hands quickly as he grabbed his DDD, searching for your name as he finally sent you a message.

monSOLO: "Please, I need you so badly, just come over and fuck me already."

monSOLO: "I know you've seen my hints. I've seen how you look at me when I've given you them. Come over. Please."

monSOLO: "I know you're reading my messages right now. Fuck...come over. Please."

He was almost ready to give up and accept defeat until he suddenly saw the three moving dots signifying you were typing. He gripped his phone as if it would slip from his hands any moment. His cock slowly started to twitch back to life as he read your message.

MC: "I'm coming over right now. I hope you aren't planning on using your legs too much tomorrow, I'm not letting you go until I've drained every last drop I have into you."

Fuck. You truly were going to drive him mad, in the best way he could ever ask for from his lovely apprentice.

[offscot]

For the qsmp meme!

You're an artist so 36 and 37 LMAO

And if you would like, 42 as well :D

36. Which of the players mc skin is your favorite? // 37. Which of the players mc skin is your least favorite?

Favourite is Cellbit tank top skin bc i feel like a victorian man seeing ankles for the first time. Least favourite is whatever this guy has going on (but i love how people draw him :) )

42. Name a character and what they remind you of (Ex. color, season, food, scent, anything!!!)

ok get ready for my fuckass character aesthetic descriptions featuring qTubbo:

Tubbo is motor oil. He's gasoline, sense-stinging and pungent in a way that hits you in your head, then your chest. He's burning wood, sawdust that clings to your clothes and your hair and isn't an inconvenience, not if you're in denim slacks or paint-stained clothes. He's the grinding of gears, unoiled hinges squeaking out weak cries for lubrication, and he's the rust that threatens disrepair if gone unmaintained.

But he's also the smell of sourdough. Over-toasted and a little too crunchy for your liking, but it tastes like victory on making a successful loaf. Sugar-heavy, tooth rotting sugar cookies that are surely only acceptable to eat if you're below the age of 12. He's the beating heat of summer, an overbearing sun making manual labour nearly unbearable. But he's the feeling of persevering, of sitting back at the end of the day and crashing into well earned sleep.

He's also this shade of orange :)

[aikoiya]

Arcane HC - Runelight Tattoo

Rune magic strap on where girl gets magic runes tattooed into the skin over her lower stomach & when she's h@rny, a magic 'rod' appears, connected to her 'button.'

It's connected to her nerves & pleasure centers in the same way a man's masculinity does, so they get to actually feel what it's like to have one.

When she climaxes, it shoots out thick, liquid magic.

With a single word, it begins to vibrate.

Its surface is covered in a coating of slick, liquid magic, so it has no need for lubricant.

So, a fun time all around.

Its fueled by the owner's internal magic stores, so, unfortunately, can only be used by magicborns.

It's called a Runelight.

—

What I have for the tattoo so far is this:

It's based on the True Conjuration circle from Skyrim.

The words circling the second ring are supposed to be just E=mc² in Greek. Which is, supposedly, conversion of energy into matter. Repeated on all 4 sides.

And the symbol in the middle is supposed to be the one for hermaphrodite.

I might change it later.

---

Edit: I am getting pissed here Tumblr.

I have posted this same damn thing 3 times now because it doesn't show up when I search for it.

I don't know why this is happening, but I will keep posting it until it sticks!

Arcane Masterlist

[luxthestrange]

Incorrect quotes#567 She had it comin'

Mc, Asmodeus, Thirteen, Lilith, And even Maddi are having "Girls Night" away from the Men in their homes in a famous human world club...A rude, white rich woman addresses the girls and calls them “too loud” and even comments on how Asmodeus is a "Man pretending to be a woman"...Which set Mc on FIRE

Mc: God may have blessed you with Barbies, a backyard with a pony in it, a boyfriend named Jake, and an unwanted pregnancy that your father paid to terminate so you could go to college and major in being a basic bitch, None of these things make you a woman*Makes "Wait" sign with their finger grabbing the glass of water Lilith is holding for them*

Lili: Mhh-hmm~Clear your throat*Smiles proudly at them grabbing the glass when Mc is done drinking*

Maddi: Lubricate

Thirt:Mmh-Hhm, Read that BITCH

Mc: Your uniform of ill-fitting J.Crew culottes, fake pearls, and 50-cent scrunchies cannot conceal the fact that you do not know who you are. I know our presence threatens you*Glares at them*

Mc: We fought for our place at this table, and that has made us stronger than you will ever be. Now pick your jaw up off the floor, and go back to your clam chowder and shallow conversations! My girlfriends and I aren’t going anywhere-Y’all heard that?!*Smirking at the group that white entitled woman came from*

Woman:😲😨🤡

Asmo: KYAAH!~MY HERO~~*Clinging to Mc with love-struck eyes*

[xxsycamore]

I hope to not bother you nay further but if you are willingly I have one more, sorry it is me again, Vlad X MC with the prompt for December 5 ? Thank you sorry to bother I adore your wrtings *^* Have a nice day :)

Please, it was my pleasure to write this prompt, with Vlad no less! Thanks for requesting and hope you like it! 💗💗💗

Well-behaved, sugar-sweet [ VLAD X MC SMUT ] 

Rating: E

Word count: 1.122

Tags:  Blow Jobs; Cock Worship; Praise Kink; Come Eating; Come Swallowing; Vaginal Fingering

Check my masterlist here! You can also find all my works on AO3 under user xsycamore.  In my profile you can find my Ko-fi if you would like to support me!

Part of ‘Tis the Season for Smut 2.0 Content Creation Challenge, hosted by @voltage-vixen  [DAY 1] [DAY 2] [DAY 3] [DAY 4]

DAY 5 - “You’ve been a very good girl this year.”

It started off quite innocently.

Vlad has always been fond of the Christmas season, having the chance to witness many sights that please him. The sparkly-eyed humans with the hush in their step and how it almost seems as if they're under some kind of a spell during that time of the year. It's amusing to him to say the least, and he finds himself spending extra time outside because of this - of course, in the company of his girlfriend. As they walk in town, hand in hand, Vlad would catch himself gazing at her face more than he does at anything else at all - after all, this old heart of his, is bound by a spell all the same.

When they pass by the grand Christmas tree at the city square, there is traditionally a man dressed up as Santa Claus and a long queue of children barely staying still in excitement to have the chance to meet him. Vlad chuckles at how MC stops to watch the wholesome scene, but is quite caught by surprise with the words she whispers in his ear.

"What about me, Vlad? Was I a good girl this year?"

The thin line of Vlad's lips soon curls into a smile. The naiveté in her eyes is telling him that she doesn't necessary imply what he is thinking about, but by all means, he is going to answer her question thoughtfully. Once they return home, that's it.

  The fireplace is started and the otherwise spacious room is now pleasantly warmed up, similar to MC who gladly welcomes Vlad's fingers undoing two, three, four buttons of her dress shirt. The flames lick at her exposed skin, all on display as Vlad gazes down at her.

MC is draped across his lap, hands gripping his thighs as she lolls her head on his knee, nuzzling into it. Small whines escape her throat, broken and quiet, and filled with untold excitement in the same time. Vlad doesn't fail to catch on that. MC looks up to meet his gaze, and the blood-red of it pierces right through her - making her curl her toes.

Still holding his gaze, her hands, shaky with both nervousness and fervent arouse, unbuckle his belt ever so slowly. She knows he loves it when she looks him in the eyes.

"Please…?"

But she remembers; before he has the chance to softly click his tongue, and tilt his head, and ask, Please what, my dear?, she remembers how to be good.

"Please, let me put it in my mouth…Let me please you."

And there is pure delight on his face, and more than that, pride. That's his girl, he hurries to show, a hand caressing over her cheek. MC's own hand comes to cover it, as if she is ready to melt in his touch, but the excitement is still keeping her on edge.

"That's it, good girl. Take it all the way in, just like that."

A good girl indeed, as there is barely any need for his instructions, his thick length already disappearing beyond her pretty lips. Vlad's leg stirs as he senses reaching the back of her throat, the way she swallows around him only able to be described as heavenly.

After she's had her fun bobbing her head up and down on his cock, MC lets go, drawing a huge breather as she begins to stroke the saliva-lubricated length.

Her boyfriend only uses the chance to bend over a little bit, enough to reach behind her - and the tip of his fingers dip into the slit at the apex of her thighs.

"Ah, of course my dear roză would be nice and wet for me just from sucking my cock. Patient and ready to be picked up and fucked."

A hopeless whimper escapes her and she sticks out her bottom more to his touch. But to no avail, as his fingers soon disappear, leaving her to clench around nothing. She takes it as her cue to concentrate on his cock instead, sensing the telltale twitches of it, and she hurries to cover it with her hot mouth again.

"Aren't you a fast learner? Look at you…"

He brushes her hairlocks gently to the side, not wanting them to bother her and additionally revealing more of the face he so-adores to look at. He could watch her like this forever. So determined to please him, all flushed cheeks and thighs pressed together to try and rub some stimulation inbetween. Mind most likely filled with sinful thoughts she finds too embarrassing to share, making it that more entertaining for him to pry out.

"You've been so good to me, precious thing. Giving me your tender love, your gentle care. And, your body."

Hearing his sultry tone, her heart feels as if ready to burst out of her chest, and in answer, she only begins pleasuring him with greater vigor, fingers wrapping around whatever she can't fit in her mouth and swallowing around him again.

"Yes, that's right, you've been a veeery good girl this year."

As she catches the last syllables of those words coming out raspier, breath hitching, she balls her hands into fists. She wants it all to herself, rendered to a greedy thing - all he has to give, for her only. His ways of love are, perhaps, contagious.

Previously sweeping her hair in place, now he barely pays the mind to be careful with it, provoked by high sensation as pleasure rushes over him. He comes in thick spurts, painting her wet cavern with his release. His strong grip, bone-crushing by nature, almost tastes the boundaries of pushing her head to take him in deeper, to the last drop. But no, such deeds are for the ferals, and he has something very, very precious to treasure in those same hands. Thus, he remains gentle. Fingers barely carding through her hair, words of endearment sipping through his lips, albeit with a dirty undertone.

For MC it's just pride coming to wash over her whole being, making her lose herself in her ambition to show all he mentioned before: love, yes, and care, and pleasure too - all for her beloved. She feels lightheaded with a portion of just the same, legs shaking helplessly.

Ah, patient, he just said, and she should live up to his praise. After all, it's all because of it she finds her pussy to be drooling to the floor. It's as if he knows, or maybe he really just does. Worshiping his cock on top of it, it's almost as if she can cum on the spot without any direct stimulation at all. She wonders if she will be a good girl for that, or a bad one?

Taglist: @arsnovacadenza @ale-teodora @kimi00twin @leonardoism @otomelady @privilegedpancake @g-kleran @thehappycat123 @pumpumnnnp  @thesirenwashere @theuwuisunreal @ravenarld @kyokirigiri-22 @kimmy-banana @btarinana @animeworldsposts @randomanimatedhusbandoseeker @galaxyprison @trishtori @sadshaxk @starshards26 @pro-cat-stination @acethephoenix256 @ikevamp-shrine-2 @judgemental-seal @nad-zeta @crystal13unny @keen19thcenturygoatsstudent @lordsister @ikemen-banshou @ikemenlover24 @themysticalbeing @canaria-blackwell @otome-scribbles  @rhodolitesrose @fun-ghoul-neela @salty-fed-up-bitch @coornn @toxiicmoron​ @kpop-and-otome​ @queen-dahlia​ @kisara-16​ @psychoangelinmydreams​ Please let me know if you want to be tagged/untagged!

[omegaobeyme]

Hiiiii, may I request some headcanons of Lucifer, Barbatos and Solomon (separately) helping Omega Mc with their heat??? ❤️

A/N: Of course you may! Apologies for taking so long, but thank you for being my first official ask! Also, I decided to turn this into more of a prompt/reaction, I hope that's okay. Lucifer, Barbatos, and Solomon's reaction to Omega!MC asking them to help with their heat Lucifer - As the pack leader, it was only natural that you would come to him. - He wasn't shocked, he could smell the change of your scent shifting - Acted more irritable towards the brothers, even Beel. - "I've let Diavolo know, he has prepared a safe house in his care." - Oh. You wanted to stay here. In the house of lamentation. Home to 7 demon "alphas" - As much as it was a pride boost hearing you say you wanted to spend it with him, he knew it would be a pain dealing with his brothers. - Compromises; takes you to the safe house and clears both your schedules for the next 2 weeks. - In private, he is an attentive Alpha. - Will have everything you could ever need in advance - Chocolate? Okay, Dark or White? NSFW - As much as he has self control, no alpha can truly ignore an omega in peak heat. One day, he walks into the safe house to find you touching yourself, baring neck to show submission. The smell is suffocating him. You spread your legs, revealing your slick oozing from the source. "Who said you get to touch yourself?" He growls, fangs bearing, to which you whimper submissively. Lucifer shuts your legs and pins your hands over the head, bounding your wrists together at the headboard with rope. Taking his finger to rub up against your heat, he gathers your slick, as his other hand's thumb rubs upon your lower lip. You allow his thumb to enter, ultimately opening your mouth wider, gathering saliva upon your tongue. Lucifer uses this to enter your mouth with his lubricated fingers, eyes glazed over as he talks down to you. "Suck it." You do as your alpha tells, saliva seeping from your suctioned mouth in desperation. His bulge takes shape in his free hand, freeing himself from his pants, practically ripping yours off following his own. "Good omega, open." Opening your mouth, saliva mixed with slick hopelessly attempted to maintain their connection between his fingers and your mouth. Little did you know this was far from over... Barbatos - Expected it. - Not because of his pride, but because he saw it when looking for information for Diavolo. - Went to Diavolo to devise a plan - Then you came to Diavolo's castle, whimpering - He foresaw you coming to him before..not in this state - Your scent was overbearing, clouding any alphas good judgment - When he saw you at the door, his primal instincts kicked in - Takes you to his nest, locking the door both physically and magically. NSFW You wanted him. You wanted him more than you ever had. It was hard to see, eyes watering from his oncoming rut. Barbatos dragged you up to his nest, pushing you down upon the bed. He would protect this space before he could do anything with you, securing his omega's safety. As he walked over, he stumbled like a drunken man, high off pheromones. You whined when he wasn't taking fast enough. "No need to whine, omega..I'm right here." His smile was dominating, just like his lips over your scent gland. Tongue barbed like a cat, digging down into your neck. You couldn't help but feel the alpha's bulge, twitching underneath his pants as it grazed across your sex. Both of your hips grinded in a desperate attempt to merge your bodies, wetting your garments with slick. That's when Diavolo returned home. The mixed scent of rut and heat hit his nose, and he had to do something. In his feral state he barged down the door, overpowering the alpha's magical seal, and pouncing on Barbatos... Solomon - Smiles - Cocky motherfucker - "Of course, M/C, I'd be happy to help my fellow human colleague." - Takes the time to tell ask Diavolo for a week off to spend time with you in the human world. - Secretly watches out for you until your heat comes, fucking with any alpha who attempts to court you pre-heat - If an alpha does try too hard in the moment, he

will walk up to you, wrap his arm around your waist, and ask if there's a problem ~ all with his sneaky smile - Will begin to mark you in his scent from then on - When the time comes, he'll teleport the two of you to his human manor, where Asmodeus had taken the liberty to lay rose petals upon the bed - V sadistic in bed - Out of bed, Solomon does his best to take care of your body and mental wellness..even if he is a dick here and there NSFW Solomon draws the curtains open, revealing lush mountains. You both knew your heat would occur today, having left last night to enjoy yourselves, but this was not the time for Solomon to prepare! You woke up early in the morning to find slick pooled underneath your ass, and heat gathered between your thighs. So why was your white haired companion taking his sweet time preparing a variety of mundane tasks? He watched your body twitch with delight, a hand upon his chin, and a smile painted on. "Solomon? are you finished?" You wince at the pleasure building, "I can be." his gaze shifts, picking up a tray of toys and setting it on the bed-stand beside you. Eyes suddenly meet his as he lifts your chin towards him, and you can't help but notice the glaze in his eyes. Solomon's lips meet yours, tongue intruding your mouth. Once you try to gasp for breath, Solomon pushes further inside, and you notice the feeling of his fingers upon your opening, barging in. Every thrust opens you further, causing you to arch your back. Drool begins to pile down his chin, and you begin to rely on his breath to meet your own oxygen demands. He growls as you instinctively pull away, deciding to give you momentary relief. However, this didn't last long, as he ties your hands behind your back, spreads your legs, and continues his work in front of his eyes. Hips buck into his mouth, attempting to find a climax. "Hmm, it won't be that easy, you know.." he stops, pulling away from your body as your breath hitches, beginning to cum. As it turns out, it would take a lot more than a kiss to satisfy his demands..

[inviouswriting]

Show me.

Show me.

Simeon x mc x Lucifer.

Mentions of polyamory among all of the demons.

Fem!reader

Smut.

Contents - Aphrodisiac use, threesome, toys, anal and regular sex, overstimulation, polyamory

This story follows Simeon’s reaction for bed breaking here So be sure to read it to know what is going on.

"How about this instead. Show me what was going on, and I might forgive you two." Lucifer sat at the head of his bed and motioned for both of you to join him on it. Simeon feels like he rather sprout his wings and fly to hide away from being scolded. Your hand holding onto the angel’s keeps him from doing that. You are barely dressed, still in a robe and Simeon had at least his pants on.

Simeon looks to you, you have more power to dismiss showing Lucifer your acts with him. His fingers thrum over yours as a way to say “up to you, my love.”

“Okay.” You knew better than to deny Lucifer, and so does Simeon. So when you consent to the eldest watching you and Simeon together. You feel your angel tug on your hand to pull you to him. Simeon was far from done with you from earlier, so he quickly makes work of the robe you have on, shedding it off your body so his hands can glide over your breasts.

Lucifer catches the stare from Simeon, full heated and warning. Lucifer would not involve himself without your direct say, at least until Simeon has his fulfillment. It is his night with you, before the next day goes to Solomon. This was the arrangement that worked with all of the Devildom. Each of them get your undivided attention, so Simeon takes it upon himself to make sure you feel your best.

Your body is already alight, just from fingers toying with nipples and Simeon placing lovebites along your neck. Your hands fumble with your angel’s pants to shove them back off his waist cursing him for wearing clothes. You are walked backwards when Simeon turns you to face him claiming your lips in a fierce kiss.

You glide your hands up his back like before, the very touch that made him lose control when you find a sensitive spot along his shoulder-blades. You have always noted how the bone and muscle is more tense because of his wings, so your fingers knead into it. This results in Simeon forgetting Lucifer is even in the room and grabs your hands to pin in one of his own. His free hand slips down to your pussy and he slips two fingers inside to tease you more than you are him.

You on the other hand have not forgotten whose bed you’re on, and you cast a glance towards Lucifer when Simeon busies his mouth along your neck till his lips find a nipple. You do your best to hold back moans, earning frustrated sighs out of your angel. You slip one of your hands out of Simeon’s grasp and outstretch it towards Lucifer. He takes your hand and gives it a playful squeeze before motioning for you to please your angel more.  

Simeon feels both of your hands into his hair and glide through it. His fingers bumping that one spot inside that has you writhing. Your angel casts a glance towards Lucifer and then to you, teetering on the edge of an orgasm already just from his fingers.

“Simeon!!” You manage out, only to feel your pleasure wane a little as Simeon removes his fingers from inside. You give him a look, and only meet playful blue eyes, as he settles between your legs. You nod to give him his consent, and Simeon takes it, he presses into you swift and only lingers to allow you to get reaccustomed to him. He arranges you underneath him towards the edge of the bed again.  

Lucifer is amused in this side of Simeon, possessive and wild. A hidden trait from the angel, he has seen it a few times when others intrude on your personal time with him. It isn’t until Simeon glances over to him that he is given permission to join in with a beckon of a finger.

Lucifer doesn’t hesitate either, to be allowed to “cheat” a day from the others by being allowed to play with you. You jolt a little when he moved closer and seeks a kiss from you. You look to Simeon first, and he gives his smile and nod. You meet Lucifer after for a full kiss, you feel with Simeon’s hands Lucifer’s as they glide down your body to lift your legs apart to give Simeon more room to work with.

You weren’t expecting Lucifer to tilt your hips up, but the perfect angle was made when Simeon thrusts in, and your legs almost kick if it weren’t for the fallen one’s hands holding them.  

“There we are, keep at that spot.” You hear Lucifer speak to Simeon, and your angel follows the direction hitting into your g-spot with each thrust he makes. You’re a mess and your voice sounds out in the usually quiet room. All you are aware of now is absolute bliss rushing through your body, more than before.  

“Her legs are shaking in your hold.” Simeon lets a small laugh seeing just how much they quiver in Lucifer’s hold. The demon smirks to himself seeing that look on your face he has gotten a few times himself.

“Hold her thighs here, Simeon.” Lucifer instructs the angel to press on the under side of your thighs to keep your waist at that angle, his hands hooking just under the backs of your knees. Lucifer moves next to you, to shed his own clothing. His own pants getting too tight to be comfortable. When he rejoins you he had gotten something else out of a night stand, a lubrication that has a bit of that gold hellfire newt syrup to it.  

“Flip over.” Lucifer instructs Simeon, and he follows seeing the bottle and what he has in store with it coating his fingers in the edible substance. He further tilts your head back to dribble a good amount into your mouth and you obediently suck on Lucifer’s fingers to get it off. Simeon blushes mad seeing this display as you seek out more only for Lucifer to claim your lips in a fuller kiss.

The demon moves behind you and guides your hips when you are seated fully on Simeon’s cock resuming the pace you two had from earlier, him angling you in a way that has the angel hitting your g-spot as you ground down on top of him. Simeon feels the reaction of him bumping it when you squeeze down.  

Lucifer coats his fingers again in the lubricant this time for the intended purpose of pressing them into your ass. You seize up a little, but Lucifer keeps guiding your waist down onto Simeon using him as a distraction as he stretches the ring.

“Relax for me. You’ve done it before.” It is different when you are alone with Lucifer, he is using toys not another man with you. Both of whom have really large dicks. You breathe in and focus on relaxing, feeling Lucifer slip the fingers in more with ease, using two from the start.  

The stretch you feel is pleasant, mild discomfort, you feel Simeon sit up and wrap his arms around your waist to hold you to him letting you bury your face into his chest while his lips find and nibble on your ear.

“That’s our girl, almost there.” Simeon notes Lucifer adding the third in, the angel completely stilling himself during this stretch with the mild distress you feel, hurried puffs of air against Simeon’s neck as you feel Lucifer withdraw his fingers using a wash rag he got when he got off the bed to remove his clothes to clean off his fingers.

“Ready?” Lucifer asks on the other side of your neck, Simeon resting his head in the crook of the right side of your neck and Lucifer on the left. You turn your head towards the demon, and nod. You feel him push into your ass, and you move your head to bury into the side of Simeon’s cheek. He nuzzles you, slipping a hand down to rub your clit to help you relax.  

Lucifer lets a hum escape him once he is fully seated, both men hold still to allow you to adjust. Simeon shifting enough to kiss your face seeking you out. You kiss him frenzied, the angel returns each kiss as you seek solace in him from the stretch.

You need both of them to move, so you push down to them both. Simeon gets it, and so does Lucifer. You break off the kiss with Simeon, letting him bury his face back into your neck as he focuses on the feel of you tight around him thanks to Lucifer filling your ass, he also notes how slick you are when he thrusts up into you. You kiss Lucifer wild, and needy as he moves in tandem with Simeon’s thrusts. Every time the angel pulls out he is pushing in, and every  time he pulls back Simeon is thrusting back.  

Both of them working together to bring you bliss, that you barely notice Lucifer passing one of the finger vibrators he has to Simeon. Simeon slips one of them on his middle and Lucifer flips it on for him, You feel rubbing on your clit of a finger, then Lucifer keeps your folds apart while Simeon rubs circles on your clit with the bumpy end. Your hips move shakily on both of them,  

Lucifer doing wonders with joining Simeon with another he has, that has ridges on it. You hear Simeon shuckle at something but can’t make out what he is saying with Lucifer. Your mind too clouded with pleasure that you didn’t realize you had squirted on Simeon’s lap.

“Keep it up Simeon.” Simeon keeps rubbing, while both angel and demon keep their thrusts going. Simeon teeters on his own orgasm, you feel that throb from him as he twitches close to your cervix. Lucifer not too far behind, but has Simeon slow his thrusts down to move with him.  

Simeon lays back on the bed while pulling you with him to give Lucifer a better angle to thrust in from behind. You bury your face into Simeon’s chest, your angel’s fingers dancing over the hardened nub that he and Lucifer tease together. You let moan after moan out into Simeon’s chest, that the angel rubs his free hand through your hair comforting. You seek him out lifting your head to kiss him feverish, your whole body shaking and shivering as you cum hard.  

“Mnn!” Simeon feels Lucifer push your hips down ontop of Simeon’s when he feels you almost push both of them out in your orgasm. You cry out in pure pleasure, Lucifer pushes in as deep as he goes while seeing the sight before him through lidded eyes.

Both Lucifer and Simeon haven’t cum yet from your orgasm, the squeeze you made almost enough to do it, but Lucifer had reached between to grip around Simeon to keep him from doing so just yet. Simeon eyes him for it, he felt good and wanted to cum.

“Not yet, the real fun is about to begin.” You feel incomplete without either of them finishing inside. So much it drives you absolutely mad that when you gather your strength from your orgasm, you place your hands on Simeon’s stomach to begin riding him hard.  

Lucifer joins this rougher pace, and Simeon sees why he was stopped from his orgasm with you. You are much more wild, with thanks to that aphrodisiac Lucifer fed you. You push down onto your angel with renewed vigor and Simeon sees a needful plea in your eyes.

“Cum! Please! Cum! I need both of you! Please!” Lucifer sighs as he hears you, and Simeon bucks up to meet your demands when you ground harder. Lucifer uses the hand he has the vibrator ring on, and rubs your clit rolling it between his thumb and finger. The focused vibration on it produces orgasm after the next as you are desperate to feel both of them fill you.

Simeon raises his hands to grasp your breasts when you command him to squeeze them, and Lucifer ignores any command you give him to prolong his own pleasure for the effect of the syrup would wear off instantly for him. You arch between both of them, even during a position change to have Lucifer underneath you, letting you bounce on him while Simeon ravages you on top.  

There is a moment where like earlier in the evening, Simeon’s wings pop out and all three of you hover for that second when you all cum together. You ending with another squirt, Lucifer filling your ass, while Simeon spends himself pressed against your cervix that all three of you land on the bed beneath you.

You and Lucifer of you come out of your haze together after a much louder crack sounded. The edge of the bed, the foot of it, where you all were together at dipped lower than it should. Simeon too lost in bliss to care about what just happened as he nuzzles his face into your chest, his wings curling around all of you as he revels in how soft and warm you are.

You are mortified at breaking Lucifer’s bed the under portion of it cracked at the corner. You rub your hands on Simeon’s head when he seeks your affection, enjoying the head petting you do, and you can’t resist how cute he is when blue eyes look up at you resting on your chest with a furious blush across his dark skin.

“You know... when I said to show me, I didn’t mean to actually break mine too.” Lucifer pulls from you, and helps lift you and Simeon up to the middle of the bed. The angel too far gone to assist, seeing how much he is nuzzling and affectionate.

“I’m sorry!” You manage out, once you are moved to the center of the bed, Simeon takes advantage of the flat surface to steal kisses from you, side eying Lucifer, even pulling you further with himself while the demon fixes his bed with the same magic he used earlier to repair your bed.  

“You’ll just have to make it up to me on my night with you. Simeon, share her.” Lucifer lays down on the other side of you, after retrieving another wash cloth to begin cleaning you from the lubricant and semen that had dribbled out. Simeon buries his face into your chest again, ignoring Lucifer’s demand to share you in cuddling, he had yet to pull from you too, more than satisfied to stay like that, and you don’t argue.

“Simeon, I thought angels are suppose to be generous.” Lucifer tries to tease him, and Simeon looks over your shoulder at him.

“Not all angels.” Simeon relents and lets the demon fit next to you, wrapping his arms around your waist, while you keep your legs loosely wrapped around Simeon’s hips. Lucifer sees that possessive stare in Simeon’s eyes and lets him have most of you while draping a blanket over the three of you.  

“You’re difficult sometimes.” He comments, and notes you had passed out shortly after your head landed on a pillow from being worn out.  

“Only when I’m in love. We should do this again though.” Simeon says seeing Lucifer nod. Simeon had put his wings away, and keeps you in his arms even after finally pulling from you.

“Join me then on my night to make up for my intruding on yours.” Lucifer offers once, and Simeon nods in agreement. Another night with you is what he desires. Tomorrow was Asmodeus and Solomon’s day. They know the rules when it comes to the arrangement.  

Both of them place their own kisses on you, Simeon to your face, and Lucifer to the middle of your back, before sleep follows them.

[mysme-nsfwstories]

Could you write a bondage fic with a dom fem mc with Jumin. The mc is a closed off person and jumin is just one of her boy toys. 🙏 thanks

I'm sorry, I couldn't write for few days cuz I'm sick but I'll try my best. Please note that this writing might be messy and illogical at the same time.

You guys are quite freaky lol.

✧*。

Jumin X mc || nsfw || bdsm

Pitch black

He's heavily breathing with his knees kissing the floor and his hands hanged over his head while being blindfolded. His head feels heavy and whispers around him seems to be echoing in his head. Jumin screamed and open his eyes to a bright coloured ceiling. He looks araound and his feet have a very long chain attached to the bed and sighs heavily.

"Nightmare?" He turn to his right where a woman in her loose bathrobe sipping a cup of aromatic coffee.

"None of your business." Jumin gets up qnd reach for a towel to wrap it around his waist. "You want to eat breakfast or no?" Jumin look around the fridge and her.

"I'll have it." She stands behind Jumin while he's whip some breakfast for both of them and grab his ass. He startled for a bit and say "I'm tired." but that doesn't stop MC from crawling her hands all over his body. He grab her wrist to stop her.

"Did you forget who saved you that day?" She whispers. Jumin let her go. The reason why he's there is he was trafficked and MC take him to this island with people she 'owns'.

"MC-ssi!" MC open the window and see a man looking up. "What is it?"

"Are you coming to my house tonight?" MC look at Jumin and look at the guy outside.

"I'll stay with the newbie." She shut the window without hearing the guy's response. She pull Jumin's towel, now he's butt naked.

"Lay down there." She point at the bed. Jumin stay still, glaring at her.

"Or..." She raise a gun up to his forehead. Jumin lay on the bed slowly without much words.

"Good boy." MC pat his head, pull his tongue out and kiss him. MC push his arms over his head and tie him up to the rope that's attached to the bed frame. She pull her face away to see Jumin panting under her after just one kiss.

"What'd you give me." Jumin hissed when his erection is limited due to the strainer attached to the base of his crotch. "Candy." MC lick her lips as her body start heating up as well.

Jumin's deep voice is filling the room, as MC press the tip of his dick with her thumb and leaving visible marks on his top.

"Please..." He gasps. MC take her habds off him as she put a masturbator on his erection and push the lever to the max speed receiving a great amount of erotic voice from him. MC laughs as she realise what happens.

"What a slut," She put on a comdom over two of her fingers and covers them with lube. "Open up." She spread his legs but he resists.

"This or..." She shows him a long, thin leather whip. Jumin look at her shockingly. "Neither. Let me go." Jumin pull his arms trying to get out of the restraints, acknowledging how useless it is. MC sighs and with a bit hassle she rub the tip of the rubber to his butt opening. Jumin wriggling from itchiness at that place after few seconds which resulted in him spreading his legs willingly. His face is as red as a tomato and his moan whispers through thin air begging for more. MC keeps running the rubber on the surface of his skin "What do you want, Jumin Han. Tell me." She stare down at him making him shiver.

"It's itchy haa... Help me." With that, MC slowly slide her fingers with lubricated rubber through the backdoor. Jumin almost scream because it feels good and painful at the same time. MC rub his dick and move her fingers inside him relentlessly till Jumin lost control of himself and cum a ton and pass out.

Hardly breathing, Jumin looks around just to see MC riding a guy smaller than he is, blindfolded, gagged and his whole body tied right next to him. "Did we wake you up?" Jumin eyes widen as he realize what's happening.

"Like what you see?" MC shake her ass showing off the guy's abnormally huge dick halfway inside her. Jumin gagged and covers his mouth from the view and strong smell, he step away from them with a thousand emotions spiraling inside him.

"MC, why would you do this?" He look at her in disappointment.

"We may grow up together but you know nothing about me." She said in monotone. Her heartaches the moment Jumin left the room.

'It is the only way.'

[asmo-ds]

Hi, may I request a smut for dom!Levi with tail kink? 👉😳👈 Also, have a nice day and stay safe UwU 💕✨

Head and tail

Dom!Levi w/ Tail Kink x F!MC (18+)

~ I wrote it as a fem MC but if you wanted it gender neutral or m!mc shoot me another ask and i’ll do it :)~

“Heads!””Dammit, I wanted to be player one”

I slip the grimm back into my pocket, watching Levi grab the second player remote and toss player one to me. I give my best evil laugh and he scoffs at me. 

“It’s not my fault, Levi,” I pout, “the grimm decides for us.” 

“The coin is stupid,” he mutters pressing play and stating our game

-

“Tails!” “YAY! TSL marathon here we go!”

“Man, I really wanted to watch Harrison porter,” I whine, punching him on the shoulder playfully, slipping the grimm back into my pocket and sitting next to him with the popcorn grumpily.

“What can I say, MC? The coin has decided”

-

 This was our fun little thing that we did to prevent arguing. Leviathan and I had this special grimm I picked up off the ground on our first date as it was heads up and “lucky”. So I would flip whenever we wanted different things. I’m always heads and he’s always tails. Today though we were in a pretty bad argument about me not getting enough attention. That’s where we are gonna start the story.

“Ruri-chan this, Ruri-chan that! What about me, Levi?! It’s like all you care about is 2D anime girls with big tits and TSL anymore!” I stomp towards the door getting ready to open it up. 

“What are you talking about we’re always together, MC! You’re the one who's too annoying and crawls into my lap when I’m trying to beat dungeons and making me lose the game!” He screams back.

I turn around on my heel, not realizing just how close we are to each other, causing me to stumble backwards and fall down. On my way down I see a shiny piece of gold fall out of my pocket and onto the floor. I look up at Levi, knowing that I can always pick up the grimm later, but right now I wanted his attention and to talk with him. 

His eyes are laser focused on the coin, a thoughtful look on his face before he smirks.

“Well, MC. How about we let the coin decide somet things for us now.” He picks up the coin and flicks it up before catching it again.

“Tails, we ignore each other for the rest of the day and give ourselves time to cool off,” He smiles at me, “Heads, I’ll give you the attention you want” He waits for my consent before continuing on with his little scheme.

“Alright, fine. Go ahead.” I say preparing for heads and being ready to walk out the door.

I peer over and feel my body heat up at the sight of tails. “Looks like the coin has spoken, MC” He whispers in my ear in a deep husky voice. I let out a whine as he pressed a kiss beneath my ear, moving up to nibble on it as I squirmed in his embrace. 

“Levi,” I say, causing him to look up, worried that I didn’t want this anymore. “Please don’t stop.”

I see the lust in his eyes grow as he surges forward and catches my lips in a breathtaking make out session. Hands wandering my body, unable to decide where they want to land. I tug on his hair as he lightly groans into my mouth, backing me up against the wall. 

His hands make their way to the hem of my shirt, his lips to the collar. He tugs it off in one swift motion before immediately pushing up against me again, lips traveling down my chest. Whining out his name and receiving groans in response as he takes a nipple into his mouth, nibbling and circling his tongue around the perky bud. His fingertips make their way to the waist band of my shorts pulling them back a bit before letting them snap back to hit my skin again.

He pulls back and places both hands against the wall kabedon style, both of us panting with red faces and a thin trail of saliva connecting us.

“Let’s figure out what we’ll do next, yeah?” he pulls back and flicks the Grimm into the air. “Heads I’ll fuck that cute face of yours,” I gulp a large amount of our mixed saliva sliding down my throat, “Tails,” he suddenly turns to his demon form, tail tracing itself against my clothed heat causing a whine to leave my lips, “I’ll have fun with you using my tail.”

He catches the coin showing it to me,

Tails.

Immediately his lips are back on mine, interlocked in a desperate messy kiss driven by both our desire to play with his tail. I feel him rip my shorts apart, underwear as well, leaving me bare for his eyes. I suck in a sharp breath as his hands find their place on my breasts, tail lightly tickling my inner thighs.

“Leviathan please just fuck me with your tail I want it so bad,” I cry out, drool making its way down my chin as he continued squeezing my breasts and biting my neck.

He flicks his tail over my heat, gathering my natural lubricant on the tip of him. I feel his tail’s tips slowly entering me, stretching my walls the further he went and his tail got thicker. He flicks it around inside of me, hitting all my sensitive nerves making me throw my head back, drooling and moaning without restraint. He leans in and bites my jugular, sucking and making it bleed and bruise to mark me and let everyone know who I belonged to.

Between his tail that was hitting all my walls, his teeth and lips on my throat, and his fingers working my nipples I can’t help but let the knot, that had been building in my lower belly, burst with a cry. Everything goes white for a moment, my toes curling and my nails digging and scratching Levi’s back.

He fucks me through my orgasm, leaving softer kisses against the bites he had left on my skin. “Levi I want you to fuck my face,” his eyes widen and his blush grows

“A-are ya sure, MC?” his confidence disappearing after realizing what had just happened. He slowly was realizing he really just fucked me into the floor with his tail. I sit up opening my mouth and sticking out my tongue.

“Pretty please Levi, give me your cum,” Something in him had snapped again, his dominance taking back over as he gripped my hair to pull me into a messy and desperate kiss one last time before he stood up, member stood tall and on display for me to see. (yea I know I never wrote it but he got naked at some point).

I lick his tip, teasing him for only moment before he pushed his cock into my mouth all the way making me gag and choke around it. With drool running down my chin and all over his cock I let my head go more limp so he could move me as he pleased. He thrusts into my mouth quickly moaning out praises and chants of my name. 

I feel his cock twitch in the back of my throat. “Heads down your throat, tails on your tits.” He said quickly flipping the coin before letting himself cum in my mouth, flashing me a lazy grin and showing me the grimm that had landed on heads.

I swallow every drop and he crouches down petting my hair and pulling me into his chest to go lay down on his bed. 

“I’m sorry for not giving you enough love, MC” he kisses my forehead softly.

“I’m sorry for being too clingy” I sigh back, closing my tired eyes and letting myself drift off with the sound of his heartbeat against my ear.

[scummy-writes]

Temptations

Rating: Explicit

Words: 2477

Pairing: Arthur/Mc

Tags: Hand Jobs, BlowJobs, Helping Hand, Masturbation, Wet Dream

Org Ao3 Upload: 04092020

- This fic was sparked by @beni-draw-ikemen-please ’s Arthur drawing here! Please check it out!!

Full fic under cut!

Preview:

     “Ah-Mm, luv…” There’s so much more he wants to say, but he feels the weight of the mattress shift, and his eyes peek open just in time to catch how red the tips of her ears are as she plants a kiss on his cheek.      When she pulls back and meets his gaze, her eyes mirror the arousal coursing through him, nearly burning as her stare dips to his lips. As hers part, Arthur reaches to carefully pull her closer, his hand gently cupping her cheek. This close, he can feel her hot breath against him, how it hitches as her grip tightens on him momentarily.      “Is this alright?”

———

    Lazy mornings were a treasure to Arthur. With his newfound life, Arthur could have let all his days meld together with a constant monotony of shifting between writing and sleeping- but what a waste that was! He kept himself plenty busy between chasing pretty skirts and reliving his doctor years for the poor in the area. Occasionally, he even got roped into helping the other residents with some task or another- With the exception of Theo, who could care less on whether Arthur wanted to help him or not.

    So during the rare mornings where he had nothing immediate to do, Arthur cherished them in his favorite way: pleasuring himself.

    Of course, he could always pick up a pretty little bird whenever he wanted, but with dear ol’ Daddy’s stern rule about Arthur never bringing his midnight snacks back home, it was hard having the pleasures of a morning with a woman unless he was already spending the night at her place. And, given the incidents that broke out the last few times he had done that, he’d rather not go through that trouble again.

    Plus...There was something special to just spending time alone and exploring your body, during an early morning where the sunlight lit up the room unaided and the air still felt cooling. He could take as much time as he wanted without worrying about another temporary partner’s pleasure.

    Brushing aside the sheets attempting to entangle him, Arthur let out a content sigh as he tugged his member out of his pajama pants. Already riled up from the idea of masturbating, ghosting his fingers over his growing erection caused him to giddily bite his bottom lip, excitement building up as he loosely pumped himself to full attention. With a low groan, his eyes fluttered shut as he slid his thumb over the head of his cock, focusing a few short pumps to glide over his tip and make his lips part with a quiet moan.

    Pre-cum already starting to gather from his ministrations, Arthur propped himself on one elbow, pausing briefly to open his nightstand with one hand to pull out the small jar of lubricant he kept hidden away for these occasions.

    Abandoning the jar once he had taken enough for himself, he sunk back into his bed with a groan as he started up the shallow pumps again. With enough concentration, he could close his eyes and imagine the sensations he was giving himself being delivered by a pretty bird he shared a night with before. But instead, he found his imagination trailing off to conjure up a more familiar figure, one he saw day-to-day…

    Taking in a sharp breath, Arthur tightened his grip on his shaft and quickened his pace, his head falling to the side as he envisioned her reactions to his length. Just the thought alone caused his hips to jerk upwards, a quiet moan slipping through his lips. 

    However, just as the pleasurable waves of an oncoming orgasm started to run through his abdomen, there was a gentle knock at his bedroom door that tore him from his focus.

    “Arthur? It’s laundry day so I’m collecting everyone’s sheets, are you in?”

    Of course. Arthur muttered a curse under his breath as he remembered the reminder Sebastian had given them the day before, running a hand through his hair with frustration. At least he hadn’t gone too far and freshly messed the sheets, but what timing…

    Just as he sat up and opened his mouth to tell the new bird of the household to wait a moment, his doorknob rattled. 

    “Oh!”

    Thankfully, he had thrown the sheets over his lap just in time. He met her flustered gaze with a cheeky grin, hoping to keep her distracted from his...personal situation. 

    “Hi luv, couldn’t wait to see me, eh?”    

    “I asked if you were in!” She huffed, pink tinting her cheeks as she closed the door behind her. “You should have said something!”

    “I was still asleep, but it’s nice having a pretty bird be the first thing I see when I wake up.”

    Purposely laying it on thick, he was thankful when the color on her cheeks deepened as she rolled her eyes. Maybe if he kept it up she’d just give up and leave, then he could bring the sheets out once his body calmed down.

    “I swear, Arthur…” Putting her laundry basket down on his coffee table, she placed her hands on her hips with a frown. “Well, you’re awake now. Can I have the sheets?”

    Uh. He blinked a few times, trying to think of an excuse-

    “Can’t a man enjoy sleeping in?”

    “Not one like you, besides, Theo mentioned wanting your help today.”

    Gods- Of course he did. He let out a sigh, but it turned into a near yelp as she walked closer to his bed.

    “W-wait! Wait, uh-”

    “Honestly, what has gotten into you, Arthur? I…” Her scolding trailed off as she looked to the side. Confused, he followed her gaze and felt his throat go dry as her eyes widened with realization. She spun around as he groaned, cursing himself for forgetting to put away his jar of lube.

    “I-uhm,” It seemed like she couldn’t think of what to say.

    “Listen, that wasn’t intentional-”

    “I-I’m sure it wasn’t!” He saw her cross her arms, and guilt flooded him. While he enjoyed teasing her, he wouldn’t want to go that far. 

    “If you just give me a few minutes I can bring the sheets out later.”

    Even though her back was turned, since her hair was up, Arthur could see the way the tips of her ears were flushed.

    “Bird, I promise I wasn’t trying to-”

    “I could help?”

    He felt like time had stopped in its tracks with that statement. Surely she said something else?

    “Come again?”

    “I-I could help, you know.” Her voice was quiet, nervous. “If you, uhm. Wanted.”

    While Arthur never denied being a pervert, nor enjoying the idea of a helping hand in a situation like this, her making the offer was different. Nearly out of character. But damn his cock for twitching at the idea.

    After a span of silence, Arthur cleared his throat. “Are you sure?”

    She nodded, her ponytail bobbing as she did so. “Just don’t tell anyone?”

    Okay. Alright. This was really happening. With any other woman he’d be giddy, instead in this situation he couldn’t help himself but need further confirmation. Because she wasn’t just a one night stand, but someone he saw on a day-to-day basis. And, admittedly, he didn’t want to ruin whatever relationship they had built.

    “Luv, you really don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

    “N-no, I do want to.” Peeking over her shoulder, she continued. “It’s just been a while since I’ve done anything like this so, keep that in mind.”

    Taking in a breath, she turned around to face him, cheeks still flushed as she spoke. “And nothing more than this, okay? I can’t go around the mansion smelling like sex.”

    With a brief nod Arthur watched as she walked to the edge of his bed. A few different emotions seemed to play at her features- with her blush and the way she bit down onto her lip, he was close to calling this off for the sake of her comfort, however… Once she sat down beside him and gingerly tugged the sheets away from his lap, the small moan that escaped her stoked the burning arousal surging through him. 

    She took her time as she drank in the definition in his erection. How the tip of his cock was flushed pink, much like his cheeks as her finger gently traced along the ridge. How he twitched as that same finger trails down, sizing up his length with a growing blush, her lips parting softly with unsaid words. With a quick glance in his direction, she takes his erection into her hand with a gentle, unsure grasp.

    At first, she doesn’t make a motion to move further than that. Arthur steadies his breathing and surveys her posture, trying to gauge if she’s pushing herself to do this, or just merely shy.

    He opens his mouth to voice, again, that she doesn’t have to do this, but the words melt into a low groan as she starts pumping her hand along his shaft in a slow, but firm pace.

    Admittedly, Arthur had no idea how long he was going to last. Having already worked himself close to finishing already, riding on those first telltale waves of pleasure when she initially interrupted him... So when she finally incorporated the sensitive head of his cock into her quickening pumps, he nearly lets a curse fly from his lips.

    “Ah-Mm, luv…” There’s so much more he wants to say, but he feels the weight of the mattress shift, and his eyes peek open just in time to catch how red the tips of her ears are as she plants a kiss on his cheek.

    When she pulls back and meets his gaze, her eyes mirror the arousal coursing through him, nearly burning as her stare dips to his lips. As hers part, Arthur reaches to carefully pull her closer, his hand gently cupping her cheek. This close, he can feel her hot breath against him, how it hitches as her grip tightens on him momentarily.

    “Is this alright?”

    Receiving a helping hand from her already felt like he was asking far too much, regardless of how she was the one to suggest it. So he asks again, another chance for her to change her mind if needed.

    A brief nod and she’s the one to crash their lips together. Quickly, she uses her free hand to hold the back of his neck as she goes further than a gentle kiss. Tongue brushing along his bottom lip before nipping, taking in a shuddering breath before sliding her tongue inside his mouth. Each kiss feels as if she’s slowly devouring him, and Arthur isn’t so sure he needs her hand to help finish him off, her hunger alone making him quietly moan into her as he loses himself.

    When she finally breaks from him, its to nip along his jaw as she strokes his length faster, tightening her grip each time her grasp reaches the head of his cock. With a timely stroke of her thumb across his tip, dragging the precum spilling from him in a teasing circle around his slit, she runs her teeth along the shell of his ear.

    Normally, Arthur wouldn’t let such a groan escape him. One that remains low in his throat, ending in a slight whine as her pace slows. But, he lets his pride go as frustration brings his face against her shoulder, planting lingering kisses along her neck in a desperate attempt to coax her to continue, praises leaking out of him like the precum she continuously teases about with. 

    “Arthur,” Her voice is playful, but damp with authoritative arousal. “Do you want to cum?”

    He’s not proud of it, but with the shudder than runs through him at that question, he nearly does.

    “Y-yes.” The words are thick, so stuck in his throat that he’s unsure they even managed to come out.

    “Mmm? What was that?” The smile she has is obvious in her voice as she pumps him once, drawing another strangled moan from him.

    “Y-yes! Yes, please.”

    Tacking on the ‘please’ was an effort of gaining her favor in this scenario, but when the warmth of her soft, slick hand leaves his erection- Gods, he lets out a whine.

    All that comes from her is a soft ‘shh’ as she moves off of the bed, sliding nimbly onto her knees. Arthur feels as though his chest will burst with the sharp inhale he can’t let go of as he watches her nudge his legs apart, situating herself between them. 

    Surely she knows he’s nearly at his limit? Surely, surely she knows how the small smirk she passes in his direction before taking ahold of him is enough to almost push him over?

    As she flattens her tongue against the head of his cock, licking him in such a torturously slow way, he deduces that she does and intends to stoke the fires burning deep in his abdomen for all that they’re worth.

    Her hand continues working his shaft as she drags her tongue along the head, meeting his unwavering gaze while pressing her swollen lips against him, mocking a soft kiss.

    Then, as his hips tremble from holding his orgasm at bay, she takes the head of his cock onto her mouth. The near unbearable warm, wet heat, paired with that velvety tongue of hers is enough to do him in. Grasping his sheets, his moan comes out strangled-

     Strangled, and as he blearily opens his eyes, slips into an annoyed groan laced with grogginess. His view isn’t of her between his knees, but rather the off-white ceiling of his bedroom as the light from his window stretches across it.

    Arthur sits up, blinking the sleep from his eyes as he glares disappointingly at his crotch. The outline of his erection was far too easy to spot with just a flimsy sheet and pajama fabric covering it.

    “Blast it.” Rubbing his temple, he slowly gathers his bearings while ignoring the throbbing between his legs. Since when did he start acting far younger than he was with dreams like these?

    Before his mental scolding can go much further, he hears a soft knock at his door. Immediately, his blood runs cold realizing how late into the morning it is.

    “Arthur? You didn’t show up for breakfast so I brought-”

    Absolutely not! Despite how that dream went, he knew far better than to even consider attempting any of that in reality with her. 

    “D-Don’t come in!” 

    As soon as the words leave his mouth, he knows the look on her face. Surprised, confused with worry at how panicked his voice came out. Racking through explanations, he settles on what would scare her off the most-

    “Y-you see there’s a… a spider, yes! Nasty thing, all gangly and ontop my desk!”

    “Oh!” Her fear of the insect seeps deeply into her worried tone, and he feels his heartbeat slow with her next words. “I-I’ll come back later!”

    Silent, he listens to the sounds of her rushing away from his door, feeling a twinge of regret for playing on her fears, but breathing out a sigh of relief. Thankfully, the scare of her walking in on his current issue ended up…shrinking it down to a more manageable size.

    With a huff, he untangles the sheets from him and makes his way to his bathroom, contemplating how, exactly, he’s going to manage to look at her today after such a...convincing dream.

———

While this was inspired by Beni’s drawing, she also has a patreon! I highly recommend checking it out!!

Masterlist | Ikevamp Server | Writing Server

[dragonrajafanfiction]

Genji Heavy Industries (Part 9) Majesty

Chisei simps come and get your FOOD Come and get your FOOD.

The female Deadpool is panting. Her tongue flops over her extended mandible like a dead thing. She lies on the floor unable to lift her head. Her hair lies around her face like a dark shaggy curtain. But still she reaches out and swats a red dot. She’d pursued this red thing through the hall, jealousy preventing her from letting any other curious ones from claiming her prize. And yet she still didn’t have it.

Her claw lands on the red dot and it appears on top of her hand. She tries again, still failing to capture the red dot.

But before she could let out a hiss of frustration, a gentle touch fell on her head. She didn’t notice the human walking up to her as she was focused on the red dot. Her muscles twitch but before she can turn around and strike at the attacker, the touch turns into a massage on her scalp.

MC, you remember how it felt to be gently and lovingly caressed like this. The Female Deadpool made a significant dent in the numbers of beasts in the room and you felt she deserved a small reward. Like you, she was born to be a killer and had no affection shown to her in life. So you figured affection would be a nice thing to feel in her last moments. She makes a little noise, almost like a whimper and her jaw drops as she stares, vision focusing beyond the red dot now.

You press the muzzle of the mercury core pistol against the back of her head and pull the trigger. For the deadpool, it was a flash of light and oblivion. The beast falls flat, the pattern of her black blood making a fountain shape that extends out from her head.

Your laughter fades back into a cold sort of boredom. “That was fun, while it lasted.” 

You step over her body and shoot down at her hand, neatly severing the nearly foot long serrated sickle shaped claw. You pick it up.

Caesar strafed as he advanced, closing in on the  shaded wall in the center of the hall, with Deadpool gathering on all sides. In their eyes, he and Zihang were like two dishes that were ascending to the table on their own. .A Deadpool approached Caesar from the side while Caesar's fire was focusing on the front. Caesar did not even turn his gaze. Chu Zihang dashed up with a bayonet and stabbed it. The Deadpool closed its hands to block. The gun went through its palm bone. Not only did not have a painful reaction but fiercely closed his hands to hold the gun’s muzzle. Chu Zihang leaned down and charged, forcing Deadpool back with his gun, when Caesar pulled out the Colt pistol that was etched with the words "Western Watch" from his waist. 

Western Watch fired like a thunderstorm, large-caliber bullets landing accurately into the abdomen of the deadpool, and then they exploded. The splash of mercury inside the bullets was heated by gunpowder, and the air filled with mercury vapor. The scales of the monsters who were splashed by the mercury became pale and then fell off, and a greenish-white mercury scar appeared on their skin. 

"Wow! The Japanese weaponry looks more useful than the Academy's mercury core bomb!" Caesar was quite surprised. 

Chu Zihang nailed the Deadpool to a column with the enhanced crossbow through the hole Caesar punched through its abdomen. The mercury was eroding its body at high speed. The bayonet penetrated its chest, but it still hissed and lunged at Chu Zihang, letting the whole gun barrel pass through its chest until the barrel was covered with thick black blood. Chu Zihang pulled the bag on his shoulder, and a bundle of swords fell at his feet. He grabbed a hilt in his hand and stabbed straight through the chest to cut off the spine of the monster. The nervous system is the weak point. After the destruction of the spine, it was finally powerless and could only hang there. Chu Zihang sheathed the blade waist, then drew a shotgun and returned to stand back to back with Caesar.

He turns to you. “MC! Come closer!”

Although you felt fine on your own, military discipline was too ingrained for you not to immediately obey your Senior Brother.

As soon as you turn to hurry, you’re cut off by a tall man-shaped serpent. His coil surrounds you, a foot and a half high of pure muscle, intending to keep you from running away and corral you into his strike zone. But this stupid creature didn’t understand that you weren’t a rabbit to run away from a serpent.

In the story of Rikki-Tikki-Tavi, Rudyard Kipling explains, “If you read the old books of natural history you will find that they say that when the mongoose fights the snake and happens to get bitten, he runs off and eats some herb that cures him. That is not true. The victory is only a matter of the quickness of eye and quickness of foot, - the snake's blow against the mongoose's jump, - and, as no eye can follow the motion of a snake's head when it strikes, that makes things more amazing than any magic herb.”

The golden snake-like beast lunges at you and you jump to the side, landing on its massive coil while raising your gun. The strike brought the snake man’s head in line with the barrel just as you fired. But this all seemed to happen in an instant of time. 

To observers, the snake lunged and you jumped at the same time as you shot. And then you kept shooting in quick succession. You couldn’t kill the beast with your puny pistol, but the power was enough to act like a punch or a kick and you used it that way, using bullets as a fist slamming into its jaw. It recovered, shaking the ringing from its head, but you weren’t in front of it.

Snk-snk-snk.

The claw of the dead female deadpool was sharp enough and hard enough not to need the assistance of mercury. With it, you severed the beast's cervical, thoracic and lumbar spine. The creature sat back on its coil but it could no longer move at all.

You hurry to Ceasar and Chu Zihang and they stand in front of you.

Caesar emptied the six mercury bursts in the Western Watch. The smoke of refined mercury filled the hall. The fire driven wind intensified the speed of the spread of smoke. The Deadpool instinctively feared this smoke, and, for a time, did not dare to approach you. Caesar took the opportunity to do suppression fire with submachine guns.

You approached the center of the hall step by step, hundreds of deadpool around you. Their baby-like cries echoed in all directions. Countless pale human faces emerged in the firelight. Some are old and some are young. Some faces have been distorted and deformed. Some faces can still remind people you may have met in the street passing by. There are shy teenagers and mature women, but when their skulls open to reveal thorny sharp teeth, they all turn into evil spirits. 

"We're like rats breaking into a snake breeding ball with leather slingshots in our hands." Caesar discarded the Sten submachine gun in his hand and also drew his Winchester shotgun. 

You glance up at him and smile. You hadn’t smiled this much since you met. You want to tell him to speak for himself. Caesar was trying to use strength and force to kill these beasts, but his strength and his force were barely enough. The best way to fight these creatures was with speed and with wits.

But military discipline in battle requires absolute reverence for authority. “Yes but you are the pretty blond rat, and Chu Zihang is the scary black rat and I’m the cute one.” You feel a slight pain in your chest. “I miss Lu Mingfei… He would have been a funny rat.”

“I’m sure he’s fine. Let’s just focus on getting out of here.” Caesar shakes his head in amazement at your response.  Chu Zihang shoves one of the submachine guns in your hand and you scarcely resist pouting. You didn’t want it.

In the center of the hall, the strongest Deadpool is devouring the dead. It is more than twice the size of the other Deadpool. Since the beginning, It has not joined the attack on you. It is single-mindedly dealing with the meal in front of it, first vomiting out slime to lubricate the corpse, and then slowly devouring it with large audible gulps like a snake. It seems that the group has a hierarchy like a herd of animals. The strongest deadpool are like the head wolf dominating the freshest bloody food. Others dare not share food with it. Otherwise they might end up swallowed with their companions. It was closest to Caesar and looked like a middle-aged balding man. He may have been a middle-aged balding man in life, but no one could have imagined that he could have such a large body after dragonization. His bloated belly wriggled against the ground. His swollen head and neck jiggled as it moved.

It turned its head to the three of you with what appeared to be a smiling expression, saliva dripping down. This was not the first time  a Deadpool had shown an expression that approximated a smile, and it looked like it was expressing joy at the sight of food. The group of Deadpool had driven you to the center of the hall to let the strongest Deadpool feed first. 

This is why Chu Zihang had given you the machine gun. There was no way the claw you were using as a dagger could penetrate this boss-monster’s fatty layer. You tuck it into your belt.

Caesar’s Winchester shotgun spewed out a dense stream of sparks, and the middle-aged balding man version of Deadpool was blasted in the face. Its upper body tilted back as if broken. Its bloated belly is still sitting on the floor. 

"Baldness and bloating like this is also something I do not like!" Caesar yelled. 

“I was thinking more of the disgusting vomit and macrophagy but… sure yeah… Ew, a fatty.” You mutter.

The vast majority of people would have fainted in fear in the face of the Deadpool's slight smile, but it was facing the thugs out of Cassell College. Chu Zihang drew his Sten submachine gun and expressionlessly sent  the dense bullets to punch a bloody hole in that Deadpool's snake belly. You frown at yourself. There was no point in mindlessly firing at such a bullet sponge.

The bloated death servitor slowly sat up, like a sleeping human bending down to get up. Its bloated belly squirmed and boiled inside, and its body grew taller. It was only a man tall when it moved with its belly against the ground, but now it had reared up and transformed into a three-meter-tall giant, not counting the tail coiled on the ground. The tiny human body on the magnificent snake looked so incongruous, like a pregnant mother mantis. 

Chu Zihang takes two swords and slowly stretches his arms forward. There is no road ahead. This is your last battlefield. All the deadpool follow their chief and also "stand". Strong tails support the sturdy upper bodies as they rear up like cobras, their height ranging from two to three meters. All around you, these trembling snake bodies are like a fleshy forest.

“Whale.” You say to yourself. Only a long harpoon could penetrate all that flesh to get to the tender parts inside but you didn’t have anything like that and the way back to the weaponry room was completely cut off.

A black shadow descended like a diving eagle and landed along the back of the chief of the deadpool with the light of a clear blue blade! Chisei Gen brought his full force down onto his twinblades, Onimaru and Dojigiri, sank them in completely, almost to the hilt, and cut the chief of the beasts from the back of the neck along its spine in a long bloody line. He violently twisted his hands and a piece of vertebrae cracked. The monster deadpool’s entire spine collapsed section by section to the floor. Chisei landed in a crouch, then he spun, Onimaru in his right hand, slicing in a flat rotating swing parallel to the ground that cut off the deadpool’s tail. The huge body completely lost support, tilted and fell forward toward Chisei. Chisei dodged sideways, still cutting at the massive beast with twin swords.

Chisei Gen had your speed and wit, but he also had strength that you didn’t have. You stared, face blank. Your eyes following this gorgeous and effortless blade dance. You sigh, eyes wide. “Woah.”

The leader of the deadpool was dead before he hit the ground. It was breathtakingly beautiful to you and you shoved your machine gun back into Caesar’s carry bag without saying a word or even looking at him. You drew your knife and ran forward leaving the two men who had been your companions for weeks. It was as if you had suddenly switched sides in the middle of the fight!

Chisei was still wearing the clothes from the document room, though his trench coat was gone. His upright and muscular body is wrapped in a bloody torn dress shirt, black slacks and leather shoes. He turns that body as you approach and you see his face in profile. It was delicate and feminine, with skin that was not quite pale, just like Z’s. A dark drop of black blood makes a tear like trail down his face. His mouth is moving, teeth flashing slightly behind pale lips, speaking a chilling series of forbidden words. The winds change and stir his dark hair as his eyes slowly blaze gold. You stop and freeze in place. Chu Zihang and Caesar are still firing their guns but Chisei is no longer moving.

The field of the wind expanded slowly, seemingly gently, with a faint violet fluorescence at the borders. The Deadpool in the field prostrated themselves on the ground with fear and trembling. Their hands pressed spasmodically to the ground, black tears of blood flowing from their eyes. 

Chu Zihang and Caesar were shocked. They couldn't feel any difference, but the group of deadpool seemed to be sensitized.  They knelt down to Chisei, like a defeated general facing a victorious king. The field eventually covered the whole mural hall. Chisei walked into the group of monsters with the Dojigiri and Onimaru, waving his sword along the way to cut off the head of one deadpool after another, advancing like a lawn mower. Black fountains of blood burst from their necks. The effect of Gen Chisei’s Yanling is surprisingly to make the enemy willingly accept the killing. 

He glanced back at you briefly and you find your wits again. It was if he were leading you. You bounced after him like a young wolf, joining in the bloodshed with your knife, stacking up bodies in his wake, like a young chick following the example of a mighty eagle parent.

"Shit! Is this mind control?" Caesar muttered. 

"No, it's not mind control, look underneath the bodies of those monsters!" Chu Zihang said. 

The marble floor is slowly cracking, which means there is an amazing weight pressing on the ground. What kind of weight can crack the marble floor? A few tons or a dozen tons? What does it feel like for bones to bear this super-gravity? 

You understood that these beasts were not willingly allowing you to slit their throats, but they could not resist. Their weight increased dozens of times in an instant, so heavy that it was difficult to even lift their arms. If they didn’t lie down, their vertebrae would be crushed. 

Speech Spirit - Majesty, serial number 91, belongs to that category of speech spirits that have surpassed the scope of human understanding.

It was a Speech Spirit much like your own. 

[beelsnack]

Hi! I saw your requests are open and I was wondering if you could write a little reaction of the bros + undatable (if you do that) in hearing mc singing or seeing mc dancing and and find out they're very good at it. Thank you in advance, lots of love!❣

*bursts through the wall* Choir kid mode, activate!!

Hope you like it, Nonnie!

Lucifer: The human tended to be...noisy.

That wasn’t the right word, and Lucifer knew it wasn’t the right word, but he couldn’t think of another way to phrase it. They were always humming a Human Realm song he didn’t know, tapping their foot to a beat he couldn’t hear, swaying to a rhythm he couldn’t feel.

So he shouldn’t have been surprised to discover that they had quite the siren’s voice.

He had been in the process of leaving the House of Lamentation to attend a meeting with Diavolo. The fact that the human’s bedroom door was left slightly ajar didn’t even register to him until their voice reached him, making him pause.

Although they were merely singing for themself, and thus not putting all of their power behind their voice, he could still tell how strong it was. Clear, bright, and mid-range. Without fully meaning to, Lucifer closed his eyes and listened. He didn’t know the song or the lyrics, but that didn’t make their voice any less captivating...

Until a harsh clattering interrupted both of them.

Their D.D.D vibrated against their desk, cutting off their singing and breaking Lucifer out of his spellbound state. With a shake of his head, he continued on, smiling softly. Their human was just full of surprises, weren’t they?

Mammon: “Nu-uh, you’re lyin’ to me.”

“Swear to Go - oops,” the human cut themself off with a laugh. “Guess that’s not a thing I should do down here. But for real!”

Mammon snorted, folding his arms behind his head as he flopped back against the human’s pillows. “I can’t see it.”

The two of them were parked on their bed, having long since tuned out the high school anime that Levi had begged them to watch. They had managed to make it to the part where the main love interest stumbled upon the shy nerdy character practicing in the choir room and revealing that they had some Broadway-worthy pipes before they got bored.

“I’m telling you, I was a hardcore choir kid!” the human smacked Mammon on the shoulder with the pillow they had been cuddling with. “I did competitions and everything!”

“That might be the lamest thing you’ve ever told me.” Mammon snickered. “Did you wear robes and shit too? Ow, hey, stop hitting me!”

The human gave him one final pillow-smack to the face. “Well, I WAS going to show you the video of the solo I did, but…”

“Aw, hey, don’t be like that.” he whined, popping up. “You know I’m just messin’ with you.”

After a few more minutes of poking and prodding, Mammon finally convinced them to pull up the video. All of the choir members were dressed smartly in black, but even in uniform, his human outshone them all. They stood apart from the rest, in front of a microphone, and belted out the most heartfelt lyrics Mammon had ever heard. It was a little bit tear-jerking - not that he was tearing up or anything!

“Well?” the nudged him with their elbow as the video finished up. “What do you think?”

“I’ve heard worse.” he shrugged, pointedly turning his head away so they wouldn’t see the awestruck look in his eyes.

“That’s Mammon-ese for “you’re the best singer in the Three Realms,’ right?” they grinned impishly.

“Oh, shut it, human.”

Leviathan: This was all Levi’s fault.

About a week ago, one of his idols had released a video of their dance practice, and, like the incorrigible fanboy that he was, Levi had proceeded to geek. He had sent the video to them, accompanied by flurry of keysmash and emojis that came in so fast that their D.D.D had vibrated off of their nightstand before they could catch it.

After the initial fangasm, Levi demanded they watch the video and tell him what they thought. They had learned from experience that he wouldn’t shut up until they gave him a thesis paper about the video, so the tapped on the link.

It was definitely interesting choreography, and it looked fun. After watching it - with copious amounts of bouncing and swaying to the catchy beat - they flipped over to their messages.

Human: Man, that looks so cool! I kind of want to learn it!

Leviachan: Hah! Good luck, normie, this band is renown for their intense dances. Even I couldn’t do it!

Challenge. Accepted.

With a satisfied smirk, they watched as the file sent to Levi. It definitely could have been better quality, but considering they filmed it with their D.D.D camera perched on a stack of books, it looked pretty damn good.

Levi hadn’t been kidding, the dance was intense. Their muscles were sorer than they were after they worked out with Beel. But, nothing motivated quite like spite, and it was completely worth it when Levi responded.

Leviachan: You…but…how?!

Leviachan: It’s only been a week!! How could you have memorized it that quickly?!?!

Leviachan: More importantly, how were you able to do it?!

Leviachan: I know demons who have injured themselves trying to learn these moves!!

Levichan: *gasp* Don’t tell me you were an idol up in the Human Realm?!

Levichan: Hey, answer me already!!

Satan: He has definitely seen this in a movie somewhere.

The human was looking for a specific book - they were struggling to find research for their Ancient Curses course, and if anyone had a helpful book, it would be Satan. He had offered to help look, but they insisted that they could do it themself.

He doubted that, but never let it be said that their human wasn’t a tenacious little thing.

Watching them climb up the library ladder made his anxiety spike, but they handled themself just fine. Slowly but surely, he went back to his reading, keeping one ear tuned into the sounds they were making somewhere behind him.

That’s when he heard it.

He thought he was imagining things, or maybe the human had stumbled upon one of the books that spoke to you when you opened it. But, as he listened closer, he realized it was their voice.

“Here’s where she meets Prince Charming,

But she doesn’t know it’s him ‘til chapter three…”

There was no holding back his laughter even if he wanted to. He didn’t even need to look to know that they were sliding around on the ladder like that scene from Beauty and the Beast.

“What are you doing over there, Belle?”

“I want much more than this provincial life!”

Asmodeus: He couldn’t believe his luck.

Every time he had invited the human out to The Fall, they had staunchly refused him. They fed him every excuse in the book - they had to study, they were tired, they weren’t feeling good, etc. Even if he couldn’t work his magic on them, he could tell their reluctance was a result of fear of being surrounded by intoxicated demons.

Being around the brothers was one thing - they trusted them quite literally with their life. But other low-class, desperate demons with no such loyalty? Asmo didn’t blame them, and he didn’t push the issue.

But this time, they had said yes.

He didn’t know what changed, and frankly, he would care about that later. For know, he reveled in the fact that he got to see his cute little human all dressed up to go out! Ooh, they looked absolutely delicious.

And drunk.

“Well?” he asked over the pulsing beat of the music. “Are you socially lubricated enough to join me on the dance floor?”

For a moment, they stared at their cup before knocking it back and setting it on the table with a pronounced thunk. “Yup.”

Just as they arrived, the music changed. Slowly, sultry, and sexy. For a moment, Asmo thought they were going to shy away, but that liquid courage was doing it’s job phenomenally.

They moved with grace and elegance that reminded Asmo of the devotees at the ancient temples of Greece. He hummed a little when they accentuated the beat with a teasing roll of their hips.

“You’ve been holding out on me, darling,” he pulled them close to murmur in their ear.

“You think so?” they giggled. “If you like this, you should see me give a lap dance.”

Beelzebub: There was a little corner in the kitchen that had officially become the human’s herb garden.

Little pots with all kinds of green growing out of them were lined up neatly on the windowsill above the sink, and the plants from the Human Realm that needed sunlight that the Devildom didn’t have were placed against the wall beneath them, basking in the sunlamp they had bought on their last visit home.

It was a nice addition, and Beel could always tell when the human used their herbs in cooking. Something about it just tasted..better. He couldn’t quite figure out why.

Well, until now, that is.

He had just finished his morning workout and decided to grab a little pre-breakfast snack. With the sweat he worked up, he earned it. Swiping his forearm across his face to wipe off some of the sweat, he rounded the corner into the kitchen.

The human was standing with their back to him, tending to their garden. No matter how many times they reminded themself, they still forgot to buy a watering can, so they were still using a cup to water the plants. They took their time at each pot, giving them the appropriate amount of water and…

Singing to them?

Beel paused, hand around the door handle of the fridge. Yup, they were definitely singing to the plants, gently inspecting the leaves as they did so. Their voice was soft and sweet, and as Beel watched them,he could have sworn the plants looked a little more cheerful as they passed over them.

Beel felt a little more cheerful too.

Belphegor: “Did you seriously ask me to come over just so you could use my lap as a pillow.”

It was more of a statement than a question, and Belphie barely opened his eye enough to give them a lazy glare. “Yes.”

“Why.” they sighed, slumping back against the wall.

“You have a comfy lap.”

“You have, like, fifty pillows.”

“And none of them are your lap.” Belphie rolled over onto his back to look at them fully. Despite the bored expression he had, they could see the twinkle of mischief in his eyes. “If you’re going to keep making noise, sing me a lullaby.”

He had been almost entirely joking. So when they started to actually sing, he felt his heart do something funny.

They had a soothing voice. Not too high, not too low…a perfect lullaby voice, actually. Without really meaning too, he felt himself start to doze. Before he actually fell asleep, he nuzzled closer to them.

“I wasn’t expecting you to actually be a good singer. Keep going.”

Diavolo: “I thought you said they didn’t teach ballroom dancing in Human Realm schools anymore.”

They couldn’t help but laugh at the situation they were in. Lord Diavolo had taken to having weekly “meetings” with them that were a thinly veiled excuse to grill them about whatever human custom he found himself fascinated with. Now it felt more like a gossip session instead of a meeting with the Crown Prince of Hell.

The week prior, they had lamented the fact that they were attending all of these formal gatherings as the Human Representative of the Student Council, but didn’t know any of the waltzes or other dances that seemed popular. It made them feel out of the loop.

So, they shouldn’t have been surprised when they arrived at the Demon Lord’s Castle to find Diavolo waiting for them in the ballroom.

“They don’t,” the human giggled as Diavolo spun them around. They had long since given up on memorizes steps and were now basically just twirling around the dance floor. “I guess I’m just a quick learner!”

“I should say so.” Diavolo’s smile was nearly blinding. “If I didn’t know better, I would say you were classically trained!”

The human spared a glance down at their beat-up sneakers and jeans with a hole in the knee. “Really?”

“Clothes have nothing to do with it, my dear,” Diavolo suddenly pulled them closer before lowering them into a dip. “You could be dressed in rags and I would still find you mesmerizing.”

Simeon: “May I have this dance?”

Lucifer was still trying to hide them behind his back, but the human was having none of it. They ducked from beneath his arm and took Simeon’s offered hand. “Of course.”

It was hard not to burst into laughter at the angry sputtering and protesting behind them. Even Simeon couldn’t quite hold back the amused grin on his face. “I think you were supposed to refuse me.”

The two of them stopped in the middle of dance floor as the music started. “I like to keep things interesting.”

Simeon laughed, taking the lead. The dance wasn’t too complicated, almost boring. Until Simeon leaned down to whisper in their ear.

“What do you think? Shall we have some fun with them?”

They followed his gaze over to where the brothers stood fuming. Based on the air changing colors, they would bet good money that Satan was attempting to curse Simeon.

“Let’s.”

Simeon led them into a spin, and when they came back, he pulled them flush against his chest. He looked like he was about to give them instructions, but they leaned into him with an impish grin. His blue eyes widened slightly as they put their weight on him, sliding their leg up to his hip in a decidedly scandalous manner.

It didn’t fit the song at all, but the angry squawking from Mammon and the whine from Asmodeus was music to their ears.

“You catch on quick.” he laughed.

“I have to use those dance lessons for something, don’t I?”

[otomefoxystar]

After Hours

Fandom: Kissed by the Baddest Bidder

Pairing: Eisuke X MC

Warning: Smut 

Genre: NSFW

Word Count: 2,222

Written by: @otomefoxystar

She had to turn in her extra credit before the night ended and the campus closed. She came to the offices of the professors, but the lights were dim. She knocked on Professor Ichinomiya’s door, hoping he was still here” “ You may enter” _ _ _ turned the doorknob and came, and saw the professor writing on his laptop. He looked up from what he was doing. “ What can I do for you?” She inhaled deeply, he always made her so nervous. “ I wanted to give you my extra credit” He cocked an eyebrow and took the paper from her. “ This wasn’t due till tomorrow, and by the way you look you rushed to get this here.” “ Seriously? I thought today was Thursday!” He chuckled, and she blushed. His lip pulled up. “ Don’t be embarrassed, it’s just a mistake.” “ At least it’s turned in. I better get home.” Just as she was about to walk out the door when all the lights went out and everything went silent. It was pitch dark, and she couldn’t see. The professor got up from his seat and felt around trying not to run into anything. Finally, he found his way to the doorway where _ _ _ was standing. “ _ _ _? Are you alright?” “ I’ll be okay, it just startled me. There’s no way I’ll be going home if I can’t see my way through the campus.” “ There’s a couch in here. You can sleep there." “ But where will you sleep?” “ On the reclining chair, don’t worry about me.” She would be lying if she said she didn’t have an attraction towards the professor, but this is just awkward. “ Come with me” He grasped her hand and led her over to a futon couch. He used the light on his phone and pulled out the futon. He looked up at her confused face and smirked. “ I sometimes sleep here.” She nodded her head “ Maybe you shouldn’t work yourself so hard” he got some blankets and pillows and made her a bed with the little light he had. “ Thank you” She sat down on the futon and he patted her head. “ Get some sleep” he sat down on his chair and put the recliner out and pulled a blanket over himself.

She had trouble falling asleep knowing that her professor was sleeping not far from her. Eventually, she fell asleep. Eisuke woke up to her moving around and he saw her huddled in a ball wrapped up in the blankets, and he noticed how cold it was. He got up and sat on the futon. “ Hey _ _ _ wake up you’re shivering.” She groaned and opened her eyes. “What are you doing?” She asked still half asleep. “ You were making so much noise moving around it woke me up. Then I realized how cold it is in here.” He took off his shoes and suit jacket “ so we’re going to sleep together to keep each other warm.” What he was suggesting was a bad idea. He might be her professor and her his student. She was cold and her need for warmth overcame her common sense. He slid under the covers right next to her and felt how cold she was. “ You’re freezing, I guess it doesn’t help that you’re under the window. Come closer if we hold each other we should warm up.” She scooted closer to him, and he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to his chest. She was cold to the touch, that thin blanket did nothing for her. His hand was right under her breasts, if he slid his hand any higher he would be touching the wire in her bra. She was nervous, but his breath on her neck was turning her on. She wasn’t the only one that was having impure thoughts. He moved her hair to the side and kissed her on the neck. She let out an unintentional moan, and let him kiss down her neck. “ Professor Ichinomiya...” He grimaced at the formality of her calling his name. “ It’s Eisuke, call me by my first name. We’re alone just a man and a woman leave the formalities for the classroom.” She turned to face him and he caught her lips in a fiery kiss of passion. She knew this was wrong, but it felt so good. She let his tongue ravish her mouth. “ You tease me in class, with the way you cross your legs and shake your foot as you write. The way you bend over to get your things, and purposely wait till you know I’m watching.” She gasped “ I didn’t realize you noticed me. I didn’t do those things to get you all hot and bothered.” He combed her hair out of her face. “ I have noticed you, it’s hard not to. I know it’s wrong, I’m your professor. For tonight lets forget about that fact.” The moonlight illuminated their faces, and he reached behind her head. Tangling his fingers in her hair. She stayed silent but didn’t stop him from touching her. He took a finger and lightly touched her skin and drew a line from behind her ear to her collarbone. Then hooked his finger at the top of her shirt. She was breathing hard partly from nerves and partly because her professor was making her have urges she shouldn’t be having. He looked into her eyes waiting for her to say no. He licked down her neck and kissed the top of her chest leaving goosebumps along the way. He reached down and slid his hand under her shirt. He skimmed his hand over her soft skin higher and higher till he reached the bottom of her bra. He kissed her lips as he pulled her shirt up above her breasts. There was no light, except the moon and city lights. He looked up at her with her chest rising and falling heavily. He slid his hand into her bra and cupped the swell of her breast. “ Ahh..Should we be doing this?” He pinched her nipple and rolled it between his fingers. “ Do you really want me to stop?” He pulled his hand away and positioned himself above her and pulled her shirt off. “What if someone walks in ?” He snickered. “No one’s going to walk in it’s pitch dark .” She laid there looking up at him, and he reached behind her and she arched her back. He unhooked her bra and slipped it off her arms. He threw her clothes to the floor and kissed her searching her mouth with his tongue. He kissed her ear and nipped at her lobe. He licked down her neck and pinched both her nipples. He looked down and latched on to her breast leaving a pink blooming mark. He took a nipple into his mouth and ran his tongue over the tip of the hard bud. He suckled and bit down gently. He pulled the skin with his teeth as he let go. “ I've never slept with a student before, but we need to keep this professional treating each other as we have in the past. Do you understand?” She nodded her head slowly. He kissed down her soft stomach, and unbuttoned her jeans and pulled them off. He looked her over, and she sat up so that they were both kneeling on the futon. She proceeded to unbutton his shirt, and take it off his body. She felt the hard planes of his chest with both hands, eliciting a moan from deep within his throat. He brushed his hand over her damp panties and pinched her clit. He rubbed his finger up and down. She immediately went for his belt, and he let her take off his trousers. He stood up and took them off and kicked them to the side. His excitement was obvious from beneath his black boxer briefs. She pulled down his underwear causing his hardening cock to spring free from its restraints. She touched the tip of his cock circling the head with her thumb. She stroked him a few times causing his erection to reach its full hardness. She sat down on her feet and licked him from the tip to the base, and back again. She took as much of him in her mouth that she could without gagging. She began sucking up and down his length bobbing her head, and twisting and rubbing at the base. He tangled his fingers into her hair as she pleasured him. She glided her tongue along his cock as she sucked. His hands gripped tighter at her scalp as she increased the suction at which she sucked. “Let’s not let this be the whole show ... unless you don’t want to have sex.” He said between ragged breaths. She slowed her pace and released his still hard cock from her lips. He latched on to her collarbone as he laid her down. Once he had her on her back he rubbed his nose against hers and kissed her slowly and meaningfully, while he massaged her breast. He kissed down her neck to in between her breasts and licked a line down to her navel. She arched her back, and he smirked as pulled her panties off. He inserted a finger inside of her and pumped it in and out, and he brought his finger up to her clit and used her sweet honey for lubrication. He rubbed her clit up and down causing her to moan. She grabbed the pillow above her head as his fingertip delved into her folds. He pushed his fingers inside her feeling against her walls and she bucked her hips into his hand. “ You want to come bad, don’t you? I’m not going to let you, not yet.” He withdrew his fingers from her heat. She whimpered at the loss of friction. He climbed onto the futon and flipped her over. “ Get on your hands and knees, I’m going to fuck you now.” She did as he asked and he smacked her ass. He got on his knees and entered her, grunting at the feeling of her walls stretching to accommodate his cock. He began to thrust while grasping her hips. all that could be heard was their heavy breathing and moaning.   “ Not too loud now, we don’t know who is in the office with us.” She tried to keep her moaning at bay for fear of getting caught, but every time he hit that spot inside of her she couldn’t help but let out a moan. Her breasts bounced from the force of his thrusts and his nail dug into her skin. He was by no means being gentle with her, but she rocked her hips to meet with his movements. “ Eis.. Eisuke I want to do it on your desk .” He chuckled as he continued to pound into her. He reached up and pulled her hair so that her head jerked backward. and withdrew his cock from her. He stood up and held out his hand to her. She followed, and he sat down on the office chair. She walked over to him and he stopped her from sitting on him, and lifted her on his desk and put his head between her thighs, and sucked on the inside of her thigh leaving a sizeable hickey. Then he spread her legs allowing his head to fall to her heat. “ I want to make sure, you’re still ready for me.” He licked from her slit to her clit, and she grabbed on his hair, he brought her clit into his mouth and nibbled and sucked. She pulled at his hair and he licked up and down her clit with the flat of his tongue. He entered two fingers and felt how wet she was so he stood up and climbed on top of her and laid his body weight onto her and entered her in one swift stroke. She wrapped her legs around his waist as she bucked her hips in sync with him. The wet sounds of their sex were heard along with skin slapping against skin. She wanted to make him come hard so she flexed her walls to tighten her core and he moaned. She grabbed his butt and started going faster. “Harder Eisuke!” He stood up and dragged her to the edge of the desk, and his hips were snapping into her. She was so hot during sex who knew she was such a vixen. With her legs still wrapped around his waist, she reached down and started rubbing her clit, until he started hitting a particular rough patch. She stilled as her climax came crashing down blurring her vision to white and causing her toes to curl while her whole body heated up. Her walls fluttered and Eisuke knew from her face that she was reaching her ecstasy, and he went faster trying to help her ride out her orgasm, but in the process found his own orgasm, and he thrust in her hard then quickly pulled out spilling onto her stomach. He grabbed some tissue from the side of his desk and wiped his essence off of her sweaty body. They were both breathing hard but he helped her up and they laid in the futon still catching their breath. “ I hope I sufficiently warmed you up.” He leaned over and kissed her lips.

[killian-whump]

It’s Christmas! And today seems like as good a day as any to treat you all to some of the worst writing I have ever, ever read. It’s from a vintage pornographic paperback entitled, “Eat Me Out!” and it’s just as classy as you’d expect. However, what sets this book apart from such other titles is the writing that is absolutely abysmal even for this genre. The story has scarcely opened and we’re treated to this behemoth of writing no-nos:

She could feel herself getting horny as she watched him remove his tailored clothing. She ran the tip of her pink tongue back and forth across her lips to moisten them as she watched him get naked. The woman could feel an ache in her cunt. She could feel the hot blood of her arousal pumping downward in her delicious body. She could feel all of that blood heading for the pink delta between her finely tapered thighs. The beautiful woman could feel her pussy tissues swelling rapidly, heading toward the point of thorough engorgement quite quickly. The dominatrix could tell that it wouldn’t be very long at all; before all of her pussy’s tissues, both her inner and outer cunt lips, would be as swollen as they could possibly get. The leather-clad dominatrix bitch could feel her pussy getting a little bit wetter with each passing second. Mistress Marjorie could feel the little glands inside her pussy starting to secrete a plentiful and healthy amount of her natural lubrication. The leather-clad dominatrix bitch could feel her cunt getting moist, but she was smart enough and experienced enough to know that it wouldn’t stay moist for long. Soon it was going to be more than just moist. Soon her poontang was going to be more than just damp. Soon, the beautiful woman knew, her pussy was going to be SOAKING WET because of the steady flow of slippery aromatic nectar inside her aching twat. She could feel the ache in her loins, inside her soft womanly underbelly, getting steadily worse. The insides of the woman’s thighs felt hot, and she could tell that the skin there was flushed to a crimson hue with her intensifying horniness.

It’s like a Choose-Your-Own-Sentence word salad of descriptive phrases and purple prose that is not only horribly written, but somehow manages to make the female MC’s arousal unbearably boring. Any ONE of those sentences would’ve probably sufficed, but combined like this... it is the single-most redundant piece of writing I have ever encountered in my life. It’s even stranger to see this kind of over-describing in one of these cheap spank bank books written for men. I’ll be honest, they usually don’t go much further than, "She got horny.”

Oh, but we’re not done! The author expertly (no, not really) segues directly from that paragraph into the next, which describes the man who has Marjorie so hot and bothered in the first place:

She could see that Thomas Froelich stood well over six feet tall. The sex slave stood six four, to be precise. She could tell that the muscular young hunk tipped the scales at well over two-hundred pounds. This is not to intimate in any way that the man was obese, however, nor that he was even the slightest bit overweight for that matter. The truth was that Thomas Froelich did not have an ounce of fat on his body. He was all muscle. Iron-thawed muscle. He had muscles that looked and felt as if they were made of iron. The woman could see that the man had extraordinarily broad shoulders. His entire upper torso was massive, in fact. The man had thick slabs of muscle covering his shoulders, his chest, and his back.

Wow. So sexy. But wait - WAIT! He somehow gets even sexier:

The handsome man had a thick rug of fur covering the front of his body. He looked just as much like an ape as he did like a human being, as far as the professional dominatrix bitch was concerned. She liked hairy men. She liked men who at least looked like they were uncivilized in nature.

Okay, like, I get the appeal of body hair on a man, of course... but just as much like an ape as he did like a human being? That is too much, my friend. Too much hair. Too much literally saying the dude looks like a fucking ape. Oh, but lest we think our female MC is crazy, we’re assured that:

It was easier, she had found, to treat a man as if he were an animal, if he looked to her like an animal.

That is not at all how that works, Author. Not - At - All. Nope. In fact, as a dominant woman, I can pretty confidently say that however sexy body hair is on a man normally, it’s much less so from a BDSM standpoint. You want him to cry out in pain and ecstasy from what you’re doing to him... not because his little wiry hairsies got caught in a restraint buckle or ripped off by a strip of duct tape. Of course, that’s not to say that hairy men can’t absolutely enjoy kink as much as anyone else, but it IS an added thing to take into consideration when binding them for a scene. AT ANY RATE, I’ve never once felt more inclined to engage in animal play with a man because he literally looked like a fucking animal.

But no matter, at least Marjorie is super into it:

The leather-clad dominatrix bitch could feel her clitoris growing, along with the rest of her poontang’s tissues. She could feel that fiery bulb pushing out from under the fleshy sheath that usually all but covered it. Mistress Marjorie could feel the little man in the boat pushing out from under the fleshy sheath that usually all but covered her clitoris. The leather-clad dominatrix bitch could feel her clitoral foreskin being pushed upward and out of the way by the bulging focal point of her womanly desires.

Clitorises - Is there anything they CAN’T do? Apparently, this author thinks they operate with the subtlety and grace of a fucking cannon emerging from a goddamn gunport.

I am SO horny right now, you guys. You have no idea.

But just in case we’re still not convinced that this dude is THE hottest thing around, we’re given even more of a description:

The woman could see that, in spite of the fact that the man’s upper torso was massive, her sex slave had a waist and hips that were remarkably slender. The leather-clad dominatrix bitch could see that the man was shaped like a triangle with it’s point down. She could see that there was a large ratio between his chest and his waist measurements. On the other hand, the woman could see that there was hardly any ratio at all between his waist and his hip measurements. The woman could see that his thighs were thick and heavily muscled. She knew that she would never get around to measuring, but she suspected from the instant she saw him naked that one of Thomas Froelich’s thighs had greater girth than her entire waist. Of course the woman did not have a very large, waist, you understand.

I feel like I’m not good enough at math to understand this. Oh, but wait. It’s time now to describe his genitalia. Are you ready? GET READY.

He had a humongous cock. His balls were pretty huge too. The woman liked that.

YOU HAVE TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME.

There is no way this can possibly be real. I am dying here, you guys.

We are all being trolled by a master imp from the 70s/80s.