#maligned musings
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angelofbenignmalevolence · 2 years ago
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Man...mental health struggles suck. Depression has been shoving me into the mud extra hard the last week or so. I have so many ideas for things to write floating around in my brain but as soon as I try to latch onto one, it either disappears into dust or the parts of my brain I'm trying to learn not to listen to try to remind me that I don't know how to write.
I am proud of everything I have written, everything that I have shared. I can hope I am doing more right than wrong, but I know there is always room for improvement. And I do want to continue to improve and push my comfort zones out. I want to write these amazing ideas (well...I think they are amazing) but I just...can't bring myself to put words on the page.
And it sucks because if I do try to write, the little voice telling me I will never do it justice makes me never want to write, but if I push beyond all that and try to write and nothing comes out, that little voice tells me it shouldn't be this hard to put pen to paper.
Sorry for the self-indulgent rant. Really I just need a hug (and a new brain 🧠).
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saucy-mesothelioma · 6 months ago
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Shout out to siblings in horror movies that aren't actively witnessing the horrors but are supportive of the sibling that is no matter how weird it seems
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darabeatha · 9 months ago
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Picrew (part 2?) from left to right: M.oriarty, A.shwatthama, A.rthur, (alter) A.rthur, A.sclepius, T.ezcatlipoca
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angelofbenignmalevolence · 8 months ago
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I'm not sure if they hurt because they hurt (been there done that) but if you have just had them out, try to sleep sitting up and use an ice pack on your cheek for as long as you can bear it. It will help reduce the swelling. I had mine out awhile ago and that was the advice given me and the swelling was gone by the next day.
Hope you feel better either way!
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Wisdom teeth hurt.
Send help.
**dies**
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pctaldrunk · 1 year ago
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"...No, you must have mistaken me for someone else." The voice is RIPPLESS, calm, polite - almost toneless in its indifference. The young man in question, dressed unassumingly in crisp button down and slacks, like any other office worker, not very tall and yet seeming elongated by the sharpness of each joint at which slender limbs are bent - seems RELAXED and at home, even stretched across the hard cushions of the long and low sofas set out in the police station waiting area, the book in his lap opened lazily, unread. In his smile there is no trace of the man who had been standing at the roof of the now destroyed Rose Perfumery in the central city but days ago, demanding that his threat be broadcast to surrounding inhabitants. A cruel but kind JOKE played on the city's supernatural task force - resulting in a moment like this. B.ai L.iu had only wanted to clear the surrounding area of human victims before he blew the supernatural inner factory to bits, and there after been let off free - but unfortunately, the context of such events was rendered UNEXPLAINABLE to the regular person, by virtue of some universal law. "I'm only here to deliver Lu Y.izhan's lunch, which he most definitely left at home on purpose." Waves the little bag sitting beside him, as if to prove his point. "His fiancée made it with love...and her rather poisonous culinary skills." And of course, Dian-jie, entirely without realizing the way his face became suddenly blank and expressionless, gave him the bag to deliver.
@maligns liked for a starter from an obscure internet novel muse from Ro's collection feat. b.ai l.iu
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deathfavor · 2 years ago
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We got another tag drop for the enemy tacticians
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angelofbenignmalevolence · 2 years ago
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For the Ask game: 49? 😊
49. Favorite Childhood Toy
Since you didn't specify a character or fandom, I'm going to select one at random lol (and by random I mean something I know we share in common)
I feel like when Michelle/Michiru was a baby, she had a little mobile that hung above her crib with various sea creatures (like a fish and a whale and a starfish and a mermaid). As she grew into childhood and her baby things were packed away, she still retained her love and connection to the sea. On a school trip to the Aquarium, she was entranced by the sea life, but spent much time watching the contemplative movements of the jellyfish in their tank. She left the aquarium with a little plush jellyfish whose fur had an iridescent sheen, dulled through years of love. She one day let the plush go as she grew into adulthood, but the remnants of the jellyfish that so captivated her attention sometimes come through in her art.
Thanks for the ask!
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angelofbenignmalevolence · 2 years ago
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I have a Thunderbirds/Resident Evil crossover that I've laid some foundations for. The world building has been a lot of fun.
Rewatching Without A Trace - reads a couple of fanfics - begins daydreaming of how a crossover would work with Thunderbirds 🤔
What crossover’s have you daydreamed/written?
Oh, and if you also loved Without A Trace (Yes, I’m a Danny Taylor fan 😅) let me know 😊
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magistralucis · 1 year ago
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Conflict in Literature + Necron Books
(Read more for titles and notes, watch out for spoilers)
Man vs. Nature - Devourer This is not the only necron vs. tyranid lit, but I thought the cover illustrated the conflict best. Out of all the horribad things in WH40K, the tyranids tend to be presented as the closest faction to a natural disaster; certainly in Devourer they do not logically justify their presence, nor can they be reasoned with, not by the Blood Angels or Anrakyr or the Tomb World he's trying to wake. Not mindless, but an amoral happenstance, like nature itself.
Man vs. Society - The Lords of Borsis Necron court intrigue played straight, with a sprinkle of delusion on the side. Since this story revolves entirely around the schemings and plottings of necron(tyr) society, with changes in dynastic hierarchy as the final objective, it fits best here.
Man vs. Technology - Indomitus This is an awkward placement, since Indomitus was not, well... a compelling story, with most of its tropes not being explored beyond their first introduction. But it is the most bare-bones way of describing this book's premise. Humans battling a robotic malignancy, albeit with a Bolivian Army Ending, which doesn't conclude the plot in either direction 😞
Man vs. Man - The Twice-Dead King: Ruin Ruin is an exceptionally deep novel, and fits every conflict listed here. It was the hardest one to place, because it's not so much choosing the one that goes best, rather crossing off every other conflict not central to the story. Both gods and the absence-of-gods are a problem in Ruin, as well as nature and technology, but they're not at the heart of Oltyx's problem. Society could be a big one, since Oltyx is an exile - but he’s not trying to antagonize his society throughout Ruin, he's trying to work with it, or at least save it from doom. Self and reality both count, but fit better with other stories in the Nate Crowley corpus. So man vs. man it is. His most important clashes are all with individuals ('man') - Djoseras, Unnas, Hemiun, arguably Yenekh in reserve - and by the end, his crownworld is overrun by the Imperium, who will become the antagonists for the second part of his tale. Man vs. 'Man', with a capital M.
Man vs. Self - The Twice-Dead King: Reign Again, this could have gone elsewhere. In man vs. reality, perhaps, or the god-related ones. But the self is where the conflict of Reign truly lies, since Oltyx's greatest obstacle is himself, and it is his inability to accept that which brings his dynasty close to destruction. Thank goodness he got over that one.
Man vs. Reality - Severed The emotional and philosophical core of this novella relies on it. Zahndrekh's inability to see the world as it is brings about the whole plot, and is at the centre of all of Obyron's musings. Interestingly, reality does not win at the end, at least not what necrons envision reality to be: a place of cold hard facts, with no room for emotion. Zahndrekh would rather dream the impossible dream, which might be the healthier way to deal with their situation.
Man vs. God - The Infinite and the Divine 🚨 𝔻𝕆 ℕ𝕆𝕋 𝔹𝔼 𝔻𝔼ℂ𝔼𝕀𝕍𝔼𝔻 🚨
Man vs. No God - Crusade: Pariah Nexus Not a novel, not 100% about necrons, not even out yet as of now (Dec 2023). This is an inherently problematic conflict for WH40K, because gods are very real and very present in that universe... here I'm only thinking about the necron perspective, and the civil war unfolding in their lore. They banded together in a shared purpose eons ago, destroying the Old Ones who oppressed them, and sundering the star gods who subjected them to biotransference. Now they are as antigod as they could be, and they did not retain their bonds, they have once again turned on each other. So it goes.
Man vs. Author - Codex: Necrons (10th Ed.) (Collector's Ed.) James Workshop knows what they did. 😑
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nancydrewwouldnever · 8 days ago
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RANDOM MUSING: Thank you, Mother Nature.
Thank you for making it so that a malignant narcissist will not get his "crowds" he so craves on Monday. Yes, this arctic weather system is going to be very severe and dangerous, I'm not losing sight of that, and hoping for everyone's safety.
But I'm also giving a sardonic grin that Large Cheeto Man must be so, so angry that he's not getting his crowds.
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murfpersonalblog · 9 days ago
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IWTV Musings - LDPDL & Nosferatu 2024 (Pt9: Subverting Gothic Gender in Femme-Coded Gay Black Men)
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Since S1 aired, a large portion of AMC's Interview with the Vampire 2022 fandom has resisted the notion of Louis de Pointe du Lac, a Black gay male vampire living during Jim Crow, as a female-coded character. Viewers (esp. cis straight white women--the antithesis of the gay Black man) have expressed how they either cannot or will not see Black!LDPDL aligning with feminine tropes, archetypes, aesthetics, sentiments, roles, norms, or social positions. Many cis straight white fans have made in depth analyses of IWTV's Gothic/Horror genre(s), and Gothic hero/heroine tropes through white male/female lenses, but I've yet to see any substantial analysis (or even acknowledgement) from this contingency about Black Horror, let alone the intersection of Black LGBT+ Horror and Gothic Horror. Meanwhile, their main defense/offense against Black & Bipoc fans has consistently been to either throw TERF accusations & media literacy snobbery at anyone who criticizes or counters their white-centric gender analyses of Black!LDPDL's place in Gothic Horror (others' experiences: x x x | my own experiences: x x x). And interestingly, a lot of IWTV Gothic aficionados have avoided engaging with the most recent iteration of the vampire in Gothic Horror that loosely inspired Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles series: Dracula, a la Nosferatu 2024.
So this post is largely in reponse to several of @pynkhues' anti-GothicHeroine!Lou etc analyses of Gothic characters, but I'm still sticking to the Louis/Ellen theme when relevant, just walk with me.
Louis as the Byronic Hero? 🤔
First let's look at @pynkhues' analysis of Gothic characters here:
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YES, Louis is a Byronic hero. However, AR's own Alphabettery acknowledges that all Byronic heroes are NOT created equally.
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Lestat is "THE embodiment a Byronic hero," while Louis SUBVERTS the archetype by regretting/rejecting his bad tendencies, rather than EMBRACING them, unlike Byron/Lestat/Lord Ruthven/etc.
Cuz going by the definition Pynkhues provided, when you actually break their characteristics down, you can easily see which one fits more than the other.
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Louis has far LESS in common with the Byronic hero than Lestat. Lou's similarities to Byronic heroes are largely skin-deep (LOL). He's a tortured emo pretty boy, sure, but the points where he differs are what BREAKS the Byronic mold, not AFFIRMS it:
3) Louis does NOT rebel against "all fundamental values and moral codes of the society"--the whole point is that he CONFORMS to societal expectations, to the detriment of his own happiness!
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5) often shows a GREAT DEAL of disrespect for ANY figure of authority. | 8a) arrogant
I've addressed this b4, cuz LouisAntis keep pointing to the RACIST Alderman Fenwick calling Lou arrogant, and Lou sassing him saying "MAYBE I am arrogant!" as CONFIRMATION BIAS for all the things these horrible white men said about that uppity Black N****r who dared to rise above his "PLACE in the world...flying too close to the sun." And we see the exact same nasty sentiments with Santiago & Lestat & Sam's script in 2x7 (written by three more white men to insult & vilify Louis). Cuz yes, Louis IS prideful/haughty, esp. in the context of the classic tragic hero where pride comes b4 a fall. But it is in direct response to his attempts to break FREE of the societal constrictions tryna keep him DOWN. The white racists in NOLA are busy tryna steal his property right under him with the Ordinances segregating Storyville; and the coven's busy tryna convert him into their satanic death cult where he'll never be allowed to have his own autonomy/independence again; a SLAVE; "you'll be our little birdie for the next 50 years~!" The point is that GAY Black men & women in general were both at very the bottom of the social pyramid (maligned in a patriarchal society that equated femininity with everything negative & weak & exploitable). LDPDL & Ellen Hutter resist the UNFAIR TREATMENT they received. That resistance is treated as disrespect to KEEP them in "their place;" abused & dehumanized.
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Louis shows TOO MUCH respect to awful racist homophobes, from his hateful AF mother, who he deferred to until her dying effing day; to his racist white bosses Tom Anderson & Alderman Fenwick & Fenwick's lawyer; to the white cops who busted in his house threatening to put him in JAIL for being gay. Louis' monologue in 1x2 about "No, Sir; Yes, Sir" flew CLEAR over y'all heads; y'all have the nerve to take Louis STANDING UP FOR HIMSELF against insults & blatant racism as a sign of "disrespect," and then wonder why Black fans call y'all out as racists, I swear. 😂
6a) Neither Louis not Lestat stand against the dehumanized system of labor, as they both indulge in the benefits of human exploitation, from slavery to prostitution.
6b) WHERE does THE Catholic Guilt LDPDL stand against traditionally repressive religious??? 🤨 Jacob's most iconic scene is of Louis crying out to God in a confession booth! 🤣 Yes, in WWII he started losing his religion, scared that God didn't exist cuz of everything he saw during the war, but Armand pointed out that Lou was STILL holding onto Christian notions of good & evil. Yes, in Dubai he says he doesn't read the Bible much anymore because of it, but he STILL wondered if his mom was right that his nature was that of the Devil, and he tried to prove everyone wrong by not killing since 2000.
6c) WHERE does Domestic Thy Name Is LDPDL stand against social & familial institutions & traditional family values? 🤨 Lestat & Armand didn't even WANT any kids--Louis was the one constantly pushing to start a family with them; only for Lestat to tell him to his face that "I am your family, Louis;" eff them kids, eff Benni, we don't need sons or daughters to be a family so long as we have each other!
8d) WHERE is Louis "unrepentant for his faults"? 🤨 All he does is blame himself for ish that ain't even his fault! All he does is repent--he's eating human food every week that tastes like PASTE! CHALK! SOAP! as a form of self-mortification, to remind himself that he IS human, that he doesn't WANT to be a damned & undead killer.
Louis =/= Gothic Heroine? 🤔
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From CLAUDIA'S POV, yes 100%, Loustat are BOTH the patriarchs from hell, her "taught to kill by her demon fathers," etc. She indeed follows the typical Gothic Heroine arc (putting aside her being a child, ofc), esp. since yes, Louis doesn't really rescue himself from his bad situations--Claudia is "my light, my salvation" who saves him in S1, and Daniel saves him in S2. But AMC!Louis has far more agency than book!Louis, in that he IS aware of the Murder Plot, and actively (albeit reluctantly) takes part in it; unlike book!Louis, totally blindsided by Claudia. He never wanted to leave Lestat--who represented FREEDOM & PASSION for him; "I was seen!" And just like Ellen/Mina, in the end Louis musters the willpower to slit Lestat's throat & "kill" his soulmate--not for his own sake, but for the sake of HIS DAUGHTER. He sacrifices his happiness for her, but still chooses Death, when he refuses to burn Lestat. He WANTS to hold hands with death, BUT ALSO sees purpose/worth in how he can weaponize his bond to Lestat to distract Les long enough to axe him.
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The biggest difference with Louis & Mina/Ellen isn't GENDER, it's SPECIES--the other protags DIE, while he lives on as a vampire. (Ofc there's some iterations of Mina Harker AND Jonathan Harker/Thomas Hutter where they're permanently turned into vamps, too.)
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Louis 100% wanted to leave Armand--how on earth was Louis able to leave "easily and definitively"?! 🤨 He tried to KILL HIMSELF in SanFran to get away from his boring AF life with Armand, but Armand wouldn't LET him die. He tries to do the interview in 1973 and Armand INTERRUPTS. He does the interview in 2022 and Armand INTERRUPTS. Over & over, Louis is trying to GET OUT, and he can't. This is what I mean by BLACK HORROR, cuz unlike y'all Gothic experts in the fandom, I actually have analyzed similarities between Black!Louis in IWTV, and THE Black Horror film, Get Out.
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Rolin Jones constantly stresses the (over)emphasis he puts on psychological horror in IWTV, AND the effects of gaslighting and manipulation in abusive & traumatic relationships, particularly when there's already a power imbalance stemming from race & sexuality, and the withholding or resistance of knowledge in a teacher/student dynamic. The whole point is about POWER & CONTROL. It's not that one has all the power/control & the other one has none. It's about who has MORE than their FAIR share. That's what IMBALANCE means. 🤦🤦🤦 Yes, Louis allows Armand control over his life, and Armand takes ADVANTAGE of that trust and goes behind Louis' back & lies & schemes in ways that are a VIOLATION.
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Just because Louis gains (temporary) socio-economic status/power as Lestat's lover does NOT mean that he is EQUAL to Lestat, and just because he loves Lestat & WANTS to be with him doesn't mean he NEVER recognizes the ways that he IS under Lestat's thrall--
"in the well with no bottom" | "We're not slaves. Maybe mindless accomplices." | "We were compelled to sleep in the same chamber together again. He would have it no other way. We would spend our hours enduring, with little pretense of getting along, locked together in hatred. He would have it no other way."
--and Daniel constantly called BS whenever Lou tried denying it:
"White master, Black student, but equal in the quiet dark." | "It's the abused-abuser psychological relationship I'm talking about. I mean, usually when you're a little too close to it, the abused still loves the abuser, but you flipped it completely on its head! Years later, you talk like he was your soul mate, like you were locked in some f**ked up gothic romance!" | "'He only beat me the one time, Officer. It's not his fault!' Classic Stockholm, eh, Doc?"
Here @pynkhues says they're not racist cuz they started reading two (2) papers on Black gender & sexuality--congrats. Thousands more to go, but you'll get there! 👍 Good news though: you don't have to read ANYTHING to see with your own 2 eyes what the show itself is messaging. The very fact that Black!Louis moves into LESTAT'S HOUSE the entire time they were together is a glaring red GAY flag. book!/film!Loustat lived in LOUIS' house, until Lou burned the plantation down and they purchased a home in NOLA together (with Lou's money). AMC!Louis doesn't TRULY embody Black masculinity, cuz it's a facade; he has a target on his back the entire time he's with Lestat; EVERYONE has something homophobic to say about Lou even associating with that flaming "queer, half queer" WHITE man (x x).
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You know good & dang well that WOMEN were supposed to marry in & move in--NOT the men. Louis already had a mansion in his name--wtf is he doing moving into Lestat's townhouse on the white side of town like a WIFE? You know the whole DPDL family dynamic's further screwed up, cuz Levi's a mooch who ALSO MOVES IN, rather than doing what the man was expected to do and providing his bride with a home of HIS own.
I laughed up a storm when we found out Lestat gave Louis the deed--because it's ODD: interracial gay relationships were illegal, and Black people weren't allowed to own prime real estate in the segregated French Quarter where 1132 is. Lestat bought the house FOR Louis, but the Black people in Louis' life KNOW Louis' not embodying Black masculinity and TELL him so to his face: "Your white Daddy | The Housewife | etc." Louis tells Florence "it's half a mile BOTH ways, Mamawn," but Florence won't even set FOOT in 1132, which even the white folk know has "weird goings-on in that sodomite townhouse." The Alderman even tells Louis to put Lestat as "the public face of your operations" cuz he's white and he's the only one anyone's gonna listen to & respect, even though Louis allegedly gained REAL social status. 🙄
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Lestat is the honeytrap BECAUSE white men listen to white men and are more receptive to them--on top of the fact that Lou'd already explained that the Azalea worked as a "revolving door of prey" so Loustat could EAT the Johns (mostly Lestat, cuz Lou'd already started hating killing people)--TOURISTS like the white man who asked them directions for the Fairplay. Les takes the man cuz he's going to EAT HIM. He asks him how long he's in town, to confirm if anyone would NOTICE when he goes MISSING. Pynkhues' post also conflates/ignores the timeline of events, as if Lou's a housewife DURING the time he owns the Azalea, which....NO. Claudia's housewife quote in 1x5 (c. 1925) and Louis owning the Azalea PRE-Claudia in 1x2-1x3 (c. 1910-1917) are 2 radically different contexts. 🤦 Yes, Lou IS revelling in his newfound high social status, and yes, he insists on paying Lestat back specifically so no one can throw the fact that he had to borrow the money to buy the Fairplay in his face. But this is NOT about Lestat as the "placating partner while Lou's king of the castle"--in front of all the most important white businessmen in the city, Lestat DISMISSES the Azalea as "Louis' HOBBY," just like rich husbands who keep their wives busy & happy buying them silly little nail salons & florist shops & dog grooming salons & fashion shops to run! (x x) 💀 Back then, male pimps/gangsters like IRL Tom Anderson owned brothels, but they sure AF didn't RUN them--that was the MADAME'S job, for women like IRL Bricktop Jackson. Louis was doing WOMEN'S WORK. By marrying Lestat, Louis' "civil death" was in full swing, it just took Storyville burning as the final nail in the coffin. After that, Lou's thoroughly domesticated and doesn't interact with businessmen like Tom Anderson for YEARS.
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This applies not just to AMC!Loustat, but to book/film Loustat, too:
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Louis is NOT the dominant one in Loustat's relationship--he's patently submissive, as he either willingly/reluctantly capitulates to the whims & demands of everyone around him--from society at large, to his biological family--to even his Blood family, yanked around by Lestat AND Claudia for his eating habits to his leaving NOLA. From Louis' conception by AR, the theme of SLAVERY was a main point--not just book!Lou's status as a slaveowner(par for the course for moneyed French white colonists in the 19th century American South), but also the power imbalance between Loustat that manifested as "need and control, with one vampire dominating another for companionship or slavery."
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Lestat represents the man Anne wanted to be, as she was sick & tired of how victimized & depressed & submissive & CONTROLLED she (Louis) felt under her husband Stan (Lestat). Just because Louis mouths off does NOT mean he's the one in control--the stalemate at 1132 existed because Louis REFUSED TO ACT. His INACTION in the face of Lestat's domineering behavior was because he was afraid of the consequences of what would happen if he DID defend himself & stand up & exert kinetic resistance (a la the Alderman) or action (a la Grace's door): his power was in his submission, like I've said 1000x.
Mouthy Black people getting put in their place is the whole point of another Black Horror/psychological thriller with interracial dynamics, Antebellum (2020). Not giving away too much of the movie, cuz it has a major plot twist, but the visual motifs are all about covering/opening the mouth, cuz the story's about a bunch of people known for being vocal for Black empowerment, who're rounded up & sold into slavery to be tortured, raped & killed by their white masters. The mater of main character Eve (played by the GOAT Janelle Monae) claims to "love" her even as he rapes & beats her; traumatizing her so badly that she goes silent & is too scared to help the other slaves run away to freedom, for fear that she'll be BURNED again--her master burned an an iron brand on her, marking her as his property. The monsters are the white slaveowners. The film can be hard to watch cuz they don't shy away from graphic scenes; it's horrific.
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Just like Louis all throughout S1, and Lou & Claudia at the Trial, they're forced into silence & punished for speaking up to defend themselves or exert any autonomy--which RACISTS see as "disrespect." 🙄😒 And Claudia's burned alive, her own words used against her to damn her to death. And Louis' memories are used against him, everyone from Lestat to Armand to even Daniel contradicting his words, till he can't be sure what's true or not, and just goes with whatever the white man says, he's been worn down so badly. UNLIKE Claudia, he CANNOT run away from Dubai--Armand wiped that impulse from him after his final "eff off and find me later" in 1973 SanFran. And we're just left with Armand's word that he was telling the truth about Louis "asking" him to.
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Louis ENCOURAGES Claudia to leave & be free THRICE OVER:
1x5 when she runs away and Loustat BOTH let her leave--(Louis begs her not to go, but never actually STOPS her, cuz he KNOWS she's right to be mad at him. He spends the next 7 years sending out telepathic apologies, letting her know that he still loves & misses her and that she has a home to come back to--but that return is always on HER terms, NEVER his.)
1x6 when SHE asks him to come to Europe with her and HE tells her: "You don't need me. You think you do, but you don't. You're smarter now. You see trouble coming a mile away." LESTAT was the one who dragged her back home like a runaway slave!
ALL OF S2: "New Orleans, unhappy. Vampire homeland, unhappy. Paris, unhappy. Comes the coven, you're beaming like the whole world went technicolor. I didn't want to wreck that for you. You picked the coven! You left me! Go sit in your choice, Sister!" HE asks HER if they can go back home in 2x1; he follows HER lead, as he does from 1x6 all the way to 2x6 when he makes Madeleine for her so they can LEAVE Paris together--without him. ARMAND is the one who uses her family reunion with Louis as a trap to have them all hamstrung through the BONE so they cant escape when he puts them on Trial & kills Claudia, then spends the next 77 years covering up the details.
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Coercing Emotionally leveraging her rebirth in 1x4 & physically assaulting her in 1x7 - Yes, agreed.
Lou's less concerned with "influencing Claudia's DIET" as he is about her SADISM/"extravagance" that LESTAT kept enabling/encouraging. His whole point about killing is that "you don't have to humiliate them;" then WHAT happens in 2x7? He outright tells Claudia when she's grossed out by him drinking fish blood that "it's not just what you eat. You can kill quick and painless." His open disgust over THEIR diet is no better or worse than THEIR open disgust for HIS. And they BOTH ganged up on him in 1x6 to force him to agree to Lestat rule about "when he hunt, we hunt HUMAN," rather than going by what Lou said: "I eat what I eat, she eats what she eats, we RESPECT our differences." But as soon as Lestat was back in the house & exerting more & more authority, the balance between Louis & Claudia evaporated. And even in 2x2 Paris, Armand noticed that "the male hunted to please HER."
WHEN does Louis guilt Claudia into staying? 🤨 LESTAT guilts Claudia into staying in his threats on the train.
Louis threw Lestat out of LOUIS' house; he got the deed baby! And Lestat had already BEEN gone--Lou just confirmed that Les could STAY that way--but NOTHING lil ole Claudia & crippled Lou could've done would've ACTUALLY stopped Les from waltzing back into that house, be serious. (As for Antoinette, who CARES?! 🤣 That's what that skank gets for sleeping with a married man!)
What does Louis being a former pimp have to do with how he treated Claudia? Did he pimp Claudia out to the public for money and have her walking the streets to promote his businesses and punish her when she refused? NO. But you know who DID treat her that way? ARMAND. And you know who told Armand that he didn't like it? LOUIS. (Please miss me with any & all pimp arguments.)
Louis definitely threatened Grace at the funeral, yes, but when did he strong arm his mother? 🤨 She was the one who refused to let him in his own house to see his sister & nieces (whom SHE was busy badmouthing to so they'd be afraid of him). Levi literally tried to FIGHT Louis to keep Louis off his own property, when LEVI'S useless arse never contributed one red cent to LOUIS' house! The door getting kicked in was an accident, but OH FRIKKIN WELL, it's HIS door. (Miss me with any & all talk about Florence & Levi, omg.)
Yes, Miss Lily was expendable. But her death was all wrapped up in Lestat's relentless barrage of Come to Me, leading to Lou's drunken suicidal death spiral running to the confession booth screaming about how he wanted to die cuz he was a dirty gay sinning pimp whose family hated him. He had no time to mourn Lily. He BARELY had time to mourn Paul. And once he was a newlywed getting his back blown out to the rings of Saturn every night, sorrynotsorry but chile ain't nobody thinking about the woman he paid to sit in a room and talk to him! 😅
If Louis had been literally any other pimp, and if the Alderman wasn't suffering from chronic Jungle Fever smitten with her, Bricktop would've been DEAD. It was illegal during Jim Crow for Black people to even look white folk in the eye without their permission--"get your hand off me, N****r!," let alone bash their skull in and cuss them out "You put a SIR on the end of that!" Be serious, and understand the gravity of the situation in that scene, and how remarkable it was that Bricktop was NOT tossed to the wolves, where the Alderman would've been able to do WAY worse than sodomize her. It's wild AF how modern white folk are more ignorant about the history of racism than Black people, like wtf.
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Yes, Louis helped curse her into damnation as a vampire--in the book/film he drains her & almost kills her, and Lestat brings her back as a vamp; while AMC!Lou's actions killing the Alderman was the catalyst sparking the racist white people burning Storyville down--and Claudia's house with it. 😡 The "monstrousness" Pynkhues nastily accuses Louis of is willfully misdirected to absolve the white racists of blame in order to damn Louis. His killing that p.o.s. Alderman is NOT a Byronic act, its VIGILANTISM due to the RACISM he experienced at the Aldermand's hands, that he stood up against by killing him and then IMMEDIATELY REGRETTING IT as he saw the devastation that happened to Storyville--the Bryonic hero does not REGRET/REPENT his misdeeds--as you cited above! 🤦 Claudia is indeed "trapped in the body of a little girl," but Louis does NOT "imprison/trap" Claudia in that house--just like Paul, he was the one encouraging her to be free & LEAVE when he knew he wouldn't.
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As such, misreadings like this totally miss the mark of Louis' character arc, and I'm mind boggled. "Defiance" had NOTHING to do with Louis leaving NOLA--he regretted leaving Lestat the entire time, and was constantly hallucinating Lestat cuz he just wanted to go back home--and the SECOND he got free of Armand's shenanigans, he was back on a plane and in a car driving WHERE? To NOLA. And WHY? "I came to see you," LESTAT. And any "defiance" against Armand would've amounted to EFF ALL if Daniel hadn't gotten the real script from the Talamasca.
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Gothic Heroines - Female Gothic vs Male Gothic
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And guess what? Queer Gothic sits in the middle of this venn diagram--or rather, it creates a brand new paradigm where vampiric Gothic Horror stories written by a white woman in the 1970s about a white bisexual man can now be adapted in the 2020s by a white male showrunner and his MULTICULTURAL TEAM of male AND female writers about a Black gay man who represents male AND female social anxieties & struggles alike.
Westengard, Laura. "Queer Gothic Literature and Culture." Twentieth Century Gothic (2022): 259-272.
Claudia & Louis often SHARE/SPLIT the role of the Gothic Heroine--deuteragonists are a thing after all. It does NOT "diminish Claudia's arc;" instead, it lends her a more nuanced characterization, BECAUSE there are ways that she CANNOT fulfill certain Gothic Heroine tropes on her own--she's A CHILD, ffs. Louis is Claudia's surrogate adult male/female the way Lestat is Gabrielle's surrogate adult male/female.
As I've said b4 (x x), Louis is the Mina Harker/Ellen Hutter to Lestat's Dracula/Orlock--there's no way on god's green earth that anyone can seriously claim that Lestat's the female-coded character in the Dracula/Nosferatu framework of vampiric gothic horror--or any of its incarnations, from Twilight to True Blood; Louis is the Bella/Sookie, NOT Lestat (or Armand). But Lou is ALSO the Jonathan Harker/Thomas Hutter--and SO IS CLAUDIA, who does double duty as the Lucy Westenra/Anna Harding, too.
In S1 Claudia assumes the "masculine" agency Louis is expected to have as the male protagonist, but fails to live up to due to all of those character traits (typically perceived as weak & "feminine"). He's not the damsel in distress, but CLAUDIA thinks he is ("the housewife;" "we're his slaves, and I will free us both!"), and acts accordingly. Claudia/Thomas/Jonathan has consulted the scholarly experts on vampires (her vampire books | Dr. Van Helsing/Prof. Von Franz) and returns from a long period of absence (ran away from home | traveled to Dracula/Orlok's castle) to warn her companion (Louis/Ellen/Mina) about the dangers of the Big Bad Vampire corrupting them ("His love is a small box he keeps you in, don't stay in it!" | "He seeks after Ellen, I know it!" | "I know where the bastard sleeps!"). C/T/J struggles to reconcile their desperation to save their loved one with the realization that said loved one is connected to the vampire by a bond stronger than they can understand or meddle with (Loustat's cord you cannot see | DracuMina's crossing oceans of time | Orllen's dream-possession). She's not the main heroine, but C/T/J still wins a significant victory by purging the world of the other threat/impediment lurking (Antoinette/Herr Knock/Renfield).
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But S2!Claudia ultimately reifies the Gothic heroine format; "victimized, virginal and powerless while being pursued by villainous men." This isn't a return to the format, since she never left it--in S1 she also represents the Lucy/Anna; the main character's closest friend & confidante, who's viciously targeted by The Vampire--either as the bait to lure his primary love interest under his influence, or to demonstrate just how much control he has over everyone's lives. Bruce, Lestat, Santiago, Armand, and even Sam all participate in her murder; but LOUIS is also a victim of the Trial, powerless to help himself or either of his daughters--a la Anna/Friedrich Harding.
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Anne Rice & Self-Inserts
Last part, cuz I've hit Tumblr's image limit, grrr! Something I almost never see anyone talk about wrt Anne Rice & LDPDL is how much alcoholism was a major inspo for her vampires. Sure, on the surface one can easily say: Lord Byron was an alcoholic bisexual depressed pretty boy drug addict etc etc too. But for AR, vamps are the Embodiment of Thirst (famously levied against book!Armand), and a large part of Louis' morose depression stems from his fighting his cravings for drink--alcohol as a human & blood as a vampire; following AR's experiences with her own alcoholic mother, whose "helplessness and need [for alcohol] echoed in Louis' mannerisms: guilt, insecurity, helplessness, a sense of isolation and secrecy, low self-esteem over-reaction to criticism, and intense sadness."
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Everyone on the anti-Femme!Louis side is always quick to dismiss the AR evidence as irrelevant cuz Lestat was AR's self-insert, too~~! Sure, ALL characters that authors write are to some degree a self-insert, or based on different facets of themselves. But Louis is THE Titular Vampire, and the one she originally framed TVC's narrative around, to focus on Claudia's relationship/impact on him. His depression is HERS for losing her child and resenting her husband, and her MOTHER'S for her alcoholism. And I already discussed gendered Gothic Victorian depression/melancholy/mental illness wrt Louis/Ellen here.
Evidence has been provided from Jacob Anderson, the showrunners, and even Anne Rice herself about the femme-coded dynamics, motifs & influences used to create Black!LDPDL as AMC's racebent gay Black take on Anne Rice's originally bisexual Caucasian 19th century book/film character; but this is usually conveniently downplayed or outright dismissed by those who insist on seeing Louis as a perpetuation of the racist Black stereotype of the hyper-aggressive sexually dominant hyper-masculine threat to white/female innocence--a la his portrayal in the Theatre of Vampires' smear campaign of a Trial in 2x7, which was specifically designed to sentence him and his Black daughter Claudia to death for their "crimes" against the white male co-lead Lestat de Lioncourt.
As a femme!Louis Truther, I've been increasingly agitated by the gross inequity of the fandom's ready & willing acceptance of all the parts of Lestat that are femme-coded, and the otherwise blatant & willful ignorance of Louis' in kind. Lestat, the campy fan-favorite, is more popularly accepted in the feminine role, largely on account of his being their Maker, his aesthetic appeal to white feminine norms: his long-haired blondeness, and especially his exaggerated mannerisms; which are seen as feminine by modern audiences, but are actually a gender subversion in and of itself, as a hallmark of masculine ideals in 18th/19th century Europe--a historical fact that somehow never factors into how Lestat is analyzed by his fans (even the ones who hold media literacy and nuances about 19th century Gothic contexts oh-so-sacred). Instead, they fail to see past his epidermal layers to get to the substrata of his character/behavioral dynamics vis a vis that of his Black counterpart Louis.
It ticks me off something fierce, cuz I see it for what it is: RACISM--the inability of white people to see Black!Louis as a vehicle by which he can be related to on a (white)feminine level, let alone in classically heteronormative predominately white Gothic Horror or Gothic Romance that demonizes The Other: monsters, gays & Black people alike. AMC!Louis never stood a chance with y'all bigots; but y'all hide behind media literacy & white!feminism rather than just speaking your biases with your whole chest.
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darabeatha · 8 months ago
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/ I DIDN'T GET HIM-
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infinite-orangepeel · 1 year ago
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“get too close to your muse & you, the artist, will lose all ability to decipher one shade from the next on your palette. keep your distance…”
fall quarter begins at the curly roots of eddie munson’s ineffable head, runs its’ labyrinthian course through passageways of blue veins & black ink, & ends at a set of hairy crimson painted toes.
steve finds himself squandering every waking moment of his lifeblood & attention somewhere, egregiously, in the middle.
“say you’re drawing a bed of flowers,” his professor lectured a few weeks back, “what happens if you put your nose in the middle of those flowers & try to recreate the details on your canvas? you come up with color and shape, sure, but it’s blurry—isn’t it? it’s a big blobby blur of nothing. that’s not very good life drawing, i’m afraid.”
flash forward to the present—
the bed is firm but comfortable. reminding you of its’ presence.
it doesn’t encourage daydreaming &, yet, steve is ignoring the better advice of his mentor & pressing his curious nose directly into the bud of an all too striking flower.
he knows the intimate contact could kill the rose, is aware of the thorns lining the stem, but he can’t stay away.
he’s struck by fear and temptation and self-loathing and a beauty that stings like a slap across the face.
eddie’s his roommate, his friend, his muse for the most important project of steve’s career as an art student.
& getting too close is lethal, so he creates a sort of optical illusion.
designs an environment in which he can pretend they are star-crossed lovers in a broken world that won’t let them be together. in which touch is a small death each and every time.
steve flits to eddie like a dragonfly to water—
never touching.
never spending too much time in his orbit before making up an excuse to leave & jerk off to the smell of old cigarettes in the bathroom.
everything he really wants to say sits in the back of his throat like a painful, malignant lump & gets spat out onto his sketchbook in a tragically romantic exorcism.
doing the dishes next to him is enough to drive him insane.
drawing him, butt-naked, is another story.
“is it supposed to be so….erotic?”
eddie arches an eyebrow as steve traces the outline of his cock into his sketchbook.
“it’s not that erotic,” steve says, blushing into his charcoals, “besides no one will know it’s you. it’s art.”
art is supposed to be weird & naked. now, hold still, & let me draw you.”
it’s definitely erotic.
there are roses—de-thorned, for safety—shrouding eddie’s dick & leaving a trail of pink petals across his pale thighs.
eddie’s hand is draped over his head; exuding a certain brattiness, lust, boredom—
as if he’s lying there because he wants someone, like steve, to stumble upon him & use his body the way it so clearly needs to be.
his lips are parted on the precipice of whispering some filthy secret into steve’s ear while milking him like a simple farm girl with nothing better to do.
fuck.
he can’t be this close to eddie without losing his mind.
fuck. fuck. fuck.
it’s just a body. just limbs and a huge cock and—
eddie’s quiet for a little while which is rare for him, before he pipes up again.
“what if we painted the flowers together?”
steve wipes the sweat from his brow, drops his pencil, and looks up at eddie across the mattress. working overtime to avoid staring at the erection sticking out amongst the bouquet of roses.
“the piece isn’t supposed to be very colorful. i’m going for muted tones. that’s why i picked the pale pinks and whites.”
eddie giggles a little and, it’s so cute, steve has to pinch his own thigh through his shorts just to maintain composure.
“i don’t think you’re understanding—the colors wouldn’t change much. except for some more white, if you catch my drift,” eddie pumps his hand over his cock several times and mimes cumming stop the petals, “might look cool. might get you extra points with that asshole professor of yours. you’ve said he likes ‘shock value.’”
“i—i guess you’re right. that’s a pretty….different and unique….um….idea. yeah.”
it’s like this that steve strips naked and clambers as close to eddie as he can possibly get without laying a finger on him. adhering to the rules—keeping a particular distance between artist & muse.
they lay side by side. sunlight streaming in through the blinds & bathing eddie’s spindly fingers in gold as he touches himself.
“harrington, don’t act like you haven’t been dreaming about this since day one,” eddie snarks, “i’ve seen the way you look at me, sweetheart. your eyes are gonna burn holes in my ass if you’re not careful. touch that pretty cock of yours, lemme see you.”
before steve can do anything about it or change his mind, he’s got a fist wrapped around his own cock and the other hand pinching his nipples. left and right, back and forth, dragging his nails through the hair sprouting around them.
“didn’t think you thought about me like that,” steve whines, watching as eddie edges himself methodically—
moving faster, slower, squeezing at the base, thumbing over the slit, cupping his balls, slapping the insides of his own thighs until they match the pink petals.
“i like a little pain,” he comments when he catches steve’s wide eyes, “and i’ve always was hallucinating the first time i walked into this room and saw you on the bed—thought i was going into the light and seeing an angel.”
“you’re so full of it.”
“i’d like to be full of you,” eddie breathes against steve’s neck, not allowing his lips to pass the barrier, “but i don’t know if you can handle me, big boy. you’re blushing like a nervous little schoolgirl.”
“am not—”
“are too, &, you’re about to cum just listening to my voice. it’s so crystal clear. look at you—fucking yourself so stupid.”
eddie looks so beautiful.
laying there like a forsaken god locked out of heaven.
steve’s been so good about keeping his hands to himself, about keeping his nose out of the flowers, but desire and temptation are stronger than any amount of remaining willpower he has.
he grabs eddie’s shoulder with his freehand & kisses him until they’re both seeing stars.
celestial explosions of pleasure & truth & this thing that’s been growing violently between them since the moment they first met.
“i’m cumming. i’m gonna—fuck steve, it’s gonna be on the flowers—i hope that’s okay—”
they cum in tandem over petals of pink and white and thornless stems.
steve gets an A+.
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more-than-a-princess · 1 year ago
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There were two problems, Hajime had figured out early on, when one was in possession of every talent: one, that person would always be in need somewhere. Repairing the pods, rebuilding cabins, fixing and completing tasks no one else could. And two, that person would forever be in possession of reading, of understanding, people far better than they understood themselves. It was a fine line, he realized, between bringing such things to their attention versus allowing them, with all of their human limitations, to discover it for themselves.
At nearly two in the morning, Special Agent Yaguchi was teetering on not being afforded the latter opportunity. Sleep, while he could operate on less than most, was still a necessity: and with a day of assisting Kazuichi in opening up Nekomaru's pod, replacing a roof with Akane, and helping Gundham haul various sacks of hay and grain, and other miscellaneous items for the farm that had arrived on the most recent ship, he was quite ready for his four to six hours of rest.
One that, as he tugged on a pair of clean trousers and a fresh shirt, Special Agent Yaguchi wasn't about to let him have. States of emergency were logical situations, ones that matters of the heart felt rather distant from. And his attempt at conversation with Gundham Tanaka earlier that day, a series of noncommittal huffs and hums with the occasional darkly whimsical reply that was neither here nor there, was enough for him to understand neither Gundham nor Sonia wanted to discuss what had happened. They asked for help when needed but otherwise both of them wanted to be left alone. It had been at Kazuichi's request that he initially look in on them both, but the aforementioned physical labor with Gundham and a tray left outside of Sonia's cabin had been the extent of Hajime's free time. He was talented, but he was only one man: one man who selfishly desired sleep and, to his annoyance, saw right through the member of the Future Foundation who glowered at him.
She was so easy to read, she was...boring, a descriptor he'd come to understand as insulting. Even if the Izuru Kamukura part of him felt it deserved to be mentioned as a fact of life, Hajime bit his tongue: he lived with one green and one red eye, and his eternal torment would be that they would be in constant conflict with each other. "Well, it is a relief that someone from the Future Foundation understands the pressures my friends and I are under," He replied. He hadn't said a word to her during her spiel: instead, he'd gently closed the door in her face, giving her the best unamused expression he could muster in his tired state before opening it again in the midst of buttoning his top two buttons. Now with a shirt, trousers, and shoes, he was in a slightly better state than pajamas to venture out towards the hospital. "If you understand that much and how we are all barely keeping this island running as-is, then your point to check in on Sonia seems to be a moot one. But to be fully transparent with you, Yaguchi, Sonia asked to be left alone and, work aside, we aren't all in the best states to give her the comfort and support she's looking for. Gundham either, for that matter. Thank you, though, for stepping in and bringing her to the hospital."
A thanks she likely wouldn't appreciate, he thought: from the way she spoke, to her tone, to the clenched and rigid stance. All of it, of Special Agent Yaguchi, pointed towards a fondness, an affection even, for Sonia Nevermind. How that had developed, Hajime couldn't be sure, and he wasn't entirely certain if Yaguchi realized it herself. But her concern came from a place far more personal than the part of the Future Foundation that believed in Makoto Naegi's ideals, and the former Remnants of Despair who now faced the near-impossible task of rebuilding both the world and their own lives.
"You know," He spoke up just as the lights of the hospital came into view across the bridge to the third island. "You weren't sent here for any specific Future Foundation assignment, if only because you devote yourself to random tasks and chores here and aren't asked to mentor any of us. You can create and fight for the future you want, in the Future Foundation or not. You've got the luxury of not being part of the Remnants of Despair, and thus you can go anywhere and do anything. Instead of being envious or wanting of any of us, why not just build the life you want? And if that's helping Sonia in some way unless she tells you otherwise, so be it: you're clearly concerned for her, Yaguchi. You can make that into a life's ambition."
For all of his talents, he didn't feel like it was his place to mention the likes of 'love.' If only because he'd lost his, right around the time Sonia had lost her best friend. The first few days out of the simulation had been harrowing for everyone involved, but it had been the two of them who had felt the loss of Chiaki Nanami the most. Something he tried not to think about as he entered the hospital lobby and found Kyoko Kirigiri sitting in one of the waiting area chairs.
"You took longer than I'd have expected," She murmured, clearly also exhausted. Being in command in Makoto's absence was taking its toll: she wasn't quite as full of hope and optimism as he was, though she did her best to keep any sharp-tongued retorts at bay. Frankly, Byakuya Togami did enough of that for everyone on the island and then some. "Mikan-san passed by nearly twenty minutes ago: by the wail from Sonia-san's room, I'd imagine she just removed the glass and is stitching the wound."
"Then there shouldn't be any remaining infection," Hajime sighed. The small bit of relief he'd be granted that night. "I'm sure Mikan has taken care of it. Still, she can't be moved back to her cabin like this. Not in the state it's in, according to Yaguchi: and we don't have the time to clean for her."
Upon hearing his praise, Mikan had nearly dropped the metal tin of soiled supplies. But the glass vials, needle, and thread rattled loud enough for both Kyoko and Hajime to look her way. "She's resting now!" She piped up, "But Sonia-san will still need an IV and she shouldn't be on her feet for awhile. It-It'll be worse in the next few days: she will experience withdrawal symptoms, from the alcohol and the drugs. It will likely be painful for her."
"And Togami-san has planned to meet with her tomorrow as-is, as part of their weekly mentorship sessions," Kyoko sighed, bringing one gloved hand up to pinch the space between her eyes in frustration. Her colleague rarely raised his voice to anyone, but the Queen of Novoselic brought out the best in him. Or the worst: it had been decided that he was the only one she couldn't persuade to see every situation her way. And while that was an asset, his bedside manner was all but non-existent while his expectations and standards of royalty, even disgraced royalty, was higher than most of the other Remnants.
"If I'm not going to be sleeping tonight, should I build a boxing ring for them?" Hajime retorted, his lips tugging to a slight smirk. The expression was enough for Mikan to flush pink as she looked over her shoulder at him, paying more attention to Hajime than the IV bag she was reaching for. "It might lessen the damage."
"Not to either of their prides, I don't think," Kyoko replied, stifling her own amusement. Because, for most of them, anyone putting Byakuya Togami in his place amongst mortals was entertaining enough. "But they probably shouldn't be left on their own for too long."
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Neither should Sonia as an individual it seemed, as another high-pitched groan came from her room. "We can talk in her room," Mikan interjected, finally having set up the bag to take to Sonia. "A-as long as we use quiet tones. She needs a calm and healing environment, and while I provided anaesthetic to her foot it's not advisable to give her any other pain relievers right now. She needs fluids, and electrolytes, and rest and food when she's able."
"I'm sorry," Shinobu murmured again, almost inaudibly quiet, as Sonia's soft whimpers and sniffling were hard to ignore. They weren't words she was used to speaking - even now, the more formal, more detached I regret and I appreciate often substituted for the more conventional I'm sorry and thank you. In this way, though? With Sonia clinging to her, crying, distressed and in pain both physical and emotional, I regret sounded almost comical in its cruel clinical nature. If there was anything she wanted to say to Sonia, it was simply to express how deeply sorry she was about how everything had turned out.
In her arms, Sonia shuddered and hiccuped. They'd spent enough nights at Anzu's side, softly rubbing her back and holding her hair to know what followed, and Shinobu adjusted their their hands to push her hair out of her face, so she wouldn't get sick upon herself again. That the foul mixture of bile and alcohol smeared across Shinobu's own white button-up seemed, at the moment, unimportant. "We're nearly there, Miss Nevermind. It'll only be a little longer." Try as she might to resist any friendly affection, the soft, soothing touch of her palm against Sonia's upper back and shoulders happened too quickly to be quashed.
Perhaps it was easier to apologize to her due to the fact, each day for the past few years, some part of her had wished that she had listened to Anzu, that she'd gone to Sonia's dorm room to take back every awful thing she'd said, and to tell Sonia the truth. They weren't so arrogant or self-aggrandizing as to assume that anything would have changed, long-term, if they had, but if there were any chance, they wished they'd taken it. For Sonia's sake, yes, and for her own.
In the hospital, Shinobu followed Miss Tsumiki's instructions, laying her down upon the bed in the unoccupied room as gentle as she could. "I hadn't seen Miss Nevermind in some time. I imagined she was busy with something, but given that we often ran into each other going about our daily business, that many days without seeing her caused me to become concerned." What she'd imagined Sonia to be busy with, of course, was Tanaka, but Shinobu kept that thought to herself. It wasn't important. "I decided to drop by her cabin after my scheduled duties, just to check up on her, and found her in a dangerously-inebriated state. Shortly after, she stumbled and stepped upon broken glass."
Of course, that was all clear enough, but Shinobu still felt some need to explain it, as though she might not be so feared if she could appear, even in the faintest way, an empathetic person. "Future Foundation members carry a first aid kid, and I'm trained in basic combat medicine, but I lacked confidence in treating her, and I imagined she would better recover in your care, Miss Tsumiki. Hence, bringing her here." Indeed, although it was imparted a certain stress and anxiousness to see Sonia in such a state, there was relief, too, at knowing she was at the hospital with the person best suited to looking after her.
The offered towel was taken, but unused. Shinobu imagined it would do little to clean the sick from their clothing, and intended instead to simply remove their shirt entirely. At the same time, she faintly recalled Miss Tsumiki having a degree of personal sexual trauma, and she would hate to upset her, especially when Sonia needed attending to, so it would have to wait until she departed. "I don't hate you, Miss Tsumiki. I understand that you are looking out for Miss Nevermind's wishes, and I would aim neither to compromise them, nor to interfere with your ability to attend to her effectively." Dark eyes, deep red, flicked over towards Sonia again. "I'll leave her in your capable hands, Miss Tsumiki, and send for Miss Kirigiri and Hinata-san. When I return, I'll wait in the lobby, so as not to cause trouble for Miss Nevermind or yourself."
There was nothing else she could do - a weak, frustratingly impotent feeling - and so she departed. Once outside, she stripped off her fouled shirt, the cooler air of the island at night not entirely unpleasant upon skin only covered by her sports bra. A small change in clothing was in order, though Shinobu didn't bother with a fresh blazer and tie, or even a button-up, dressing themselves only in a light, breathable shirt that would be comfortable if they felt the need to stay at the hospital into the morning hours. From there, the trip to see Miss Kirigiri was brief.
All things considered, Shinobu had no issue with Miss Kirigiri. She liked her, as far as she liked anyone. Miss Kirigiri seemed to embody the pragmatic ethos of Togami, but with a degree of Naegi's softer, more human-focused perspective. Quickly, she apologized for the late intrusion, and explained the situation to Miss Kirigiri as impassively as possible. When it came to Hinata, though, Shinobu couldn't avoid letting her emotions get in the way.
"Hinata-san." The way everyone spoke about him, he seemed almost too good to be true. In a way, they were envious of him, of his position with the remnants, and in another, they were grateful that he seemed willing to meet them on their own terms, not as a faceless member of Future Foundation but rather as a human being. And yet, the idea that he had somehow known about this, or at least recognized Sonia's absence and seen no reason to handle it, brought out the sharp expression upon her face and the cold anger in her voice.
"Miss Nevermind is in the hospital, in a rather poor state. Miss Tsumiki has requested that you come with haste." That was all that was necessary to say, and to turn around and return to the hospital would be to have fulfilled her responsibilities. "And, if I may offer a personal opinion, Hinata-san, I'm disappointed. I'm well-aware that the demands placed upon you and your friends by my organization are unrealistic and unfair, and I regret that there is little I can do about them aside from assist where I can. In a position where it would be better for all of you to rest, you've been put to work, and demanded to demonstrate self-sufficiency, and I'm sure that leaves little time for social calls."
Her eyes were narrowed, her body language closed off with arms across her chest and a general rigidity in her stance. "But still, I find that a poor excuse for allowing Miss Nevermind to slip through the cracks when she was in distress." How anyone could think of Sonia, an essentially good person even in light of what she'd done, and gamble with her health, they had no idea. "Had I not stopped by, I worry things would have become more dire, and I'm sure no one on this side of the island wishes to see that. I certainly do not." And, herself aside, no one in Future Foundation would step in to help. If nothing else, the remnants needed to look after each other, as few others would.
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lettersregardingjeeves · 6 months ago
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Bertie vs. Reggie (In Regard to Freddie)
So now that FRED is out, I thought I'd share a little tidbit I found both interesting and a touch tragic. As I mentioned in my little intro, "Fixing It for Freddie" is a rewrite of the older Reggie Pepper story "Helping Freddie", and much of it is word-for-word with Reggie switched out for Bertie, and Jeeves inserted in. But there are a few differences - namely, that Reggie seems an awful lot more attached to Freddie than Bertie ever is. See, when Bertie thinks about the potential effect on Freddie of his helping out a pal, he says this:
What you might call a quiet happiness suffused me, if that’s the word I want. I was very fond of old Freddie, and it was jolly to think that he was shortly about to click once more.
Reggie, however, in the exact same situation, says this:
I don’t know when I’ve felt so happy. I was so fond of dear old Freddie that to know that he was soon going to be his old bright self again made me feel as if somebody had left me about a million pounds.
Bertie's happy for his pal, but it's in a more relaxed, detached sort of way - but Reggie seems to practically stake all his emotions on Freddie feeling better. Which does better explain why Reggie would go so far as to kidnap a toddler (as opposed to Bertie, who has even less excuse), but is also rather sad, given that Freddie is an awful lot crueler to Reggie than he is to Bertie. Compare this, which comes right before the above:
“Well?” said Freddie, when silence had set in. I explained the scheme. After a while it began to strike him. The careworn look faded from his face, and for the first time since his arrival at Marvis Bay he smiled almost happily. “There’s something in this, Bertie.” “It’s the goods.” “I think it will work,” said Freddie.
To this:
“Well?” said Freddie, when silence had set in. I explained the idea. After a while it began to strike him. “You’re not such a fool as you look, sometimes, Reggie,” he said, handsomely. “I’m bound to say this seems pretty good.”
And not to mention how Bertie's musing on childrearing:
“And, after all,” I said, “there’s lots to be argued in favour of having a child about the place, if you know what I mean. Kind of cosy and domestic, what?” Just then the kid upset the milk over Freddie’s trousers, and when he had come back after changing he lacked sparkle.
is met with a far less subdued response in Reggie's tale, with Freddie aggressively shooting down Reggie's good cheer with this (admittedly pretty funny) line:
“And after all,” I said, “there’s lots to be said for having a child about the house, if you know what I mean. Kind of cosy and domestic—what!” Just then the kid upset the milk over Freddie’s trousers, and when he had come back after changing his clothes he began to talk about what a much-maligned man King Herod was. The more he saw of Tootles, he said, the less he wondered at those impulsive views of his on infanticide.
In short, Reggie cares more about Freddie than Bertie does, despite the fact that Freddie is meaner to him... which is just depressing. But unlike with Bertie, there are no recurring characters in Reggie's stories - he has no family, good or bad, and his friends all leave to go off with someone else. Crucially, he also has no Jeeves - the closest we get is his man Wilberforce, who is not as established in his life (Reggie has an entirely different valet in the story "Rallying Around Old George") and gets no lines and no indication of his personality save for taking odd offense to a lack of collaboration when it comes to getting dressed in the morning.
Thus, while Reggie is both more intelligent and a bit more conniving than Bertie, he also comes off as much, much lonelier - a man who clings even to a jerk like Freddie because Freddie, for the time being, may be the only one he has.
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madfantasy · 1 year ago
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Do these eyes hide a heart?
It is of no wonder any more to Kingsley, when that doe emerged out of thin air, and spoken to him with that soft malignant voice of that certain Severus Snape, updating him with the usual dull going ons. Noting he is the observer kind he can relate to, so cold and distant yet there. Atrociously always there. Being the likewise overachiever, Kingsley often found himself pondering over what kind of power that drove him to such beyonds. He is not unnecessarily a breacher of bounds, but the words let themselves out when his sight locked with those doe eyes.
A new muse unlocked (thanks to @levonsnape 💛8q)
1.8.2023, commission/ support Mani
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