#making things up on the spot rn
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so ive got to write a whole paper in 45 minutes because ive been avoiding it all day. this cant go wrong. no.
121/450 words
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You thought it was over? It's not. I'm not done yet, understood. (Imagine Endo saying this like aaaaaaaa)
i think i have a type nom nom men with tattoo sleeves. APPRECIATING ENDO'S ARMS BECAUSE HE DESERVES IT. also adding my other man jeon jungkook because why not (。・ω・。)ノ♡
LOOK AT THOSE MUSCLES LOOK AT HIM OH MY GAWD IM IN THE OUTER SPACE SCREAMING HIS NAME UNTIL MY VOICE REACHES ANOTHER GALAXY, ANOTHER DIMENSION, ANOTHER MULTIVERSE.
#✧* ꜝ kiki's rambling#✧* ꜝ endo yamato#FINALLY MAKING ENDO'S OWN TAG OH MY NSKSKSK#GUYS HIM AND CHIKA ARE MY FAVS ACTUALLY#IM NOT SANE GUYS IM 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂#satoru nii knows what is he doing#HE KNOWS#ENDO DESERVES SO MUCH LOVE SO SO SO MUCH AND I WILL GIVE IT TO HIM#I CAN BE CRAZY TOO SO HE BETTER BE OBSESSED WITH ME#im not leaving that man until i kiss him all over his body with my red lipstick that will leave marks on his tattoos#HIS FACE WILL BE SMUDGED WITH KISSES#I LOVE ENDO#having endo brainrot rn#DONT BE SURPRISED IF I POST THINGS WITH ONLY CHIKA AND YAMATO#yamato ... his lovely name#EDNO ARMS ARE SOOOOO NOM NOM#IF HE FLEXES THEM OH MY GODDDDDDDD#FLEX ME INSTEAD#ENDO AND JUNGKOOK MATCHING#don't get me started on jungkook because once i start i won't stop#I DECLARE THIS AS ENDO NATIONAL ANTHEM#I took my drugs and took my lovin' when I left out the spot#I left the party with a Barbie markin' X on the dot#She calls my phone up but I told her “I'm a loner”#But she likes my watch and my droptop and my persona#We hit the highway 1-5-5 with my whole foot on the dash#She's in my ear she's got no fear she could care less if we crash#wind breaker#endo yamato#endo x reader
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some'a y'all gotta start listening to more intersex people it'd probably stave off the weird ideas around trans-ness and gender i keep seeing. but mostly its just a good thing to do on account of i dont think most of you know much about them. also if ur intersex and reading this hiiiiiiiii <3 hope ur day is good
#nnstuff#rambling#i am by no means an expert btw but#the things some of y'all say and make up on the spot and decide to fully believe are wild#im bored at work rn and i keep Seeing Posts#which is my own fault. i should just get off tumblr if im not having a good time fsdfsdf
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okay, bc i have seen this argument alot now (and it also seems to be the view point of aonuma himself..) is that "zelda cant do everything link does bc whats the point then"
and i take personal offense on that bc its a stupid argument (in. my. very. personal. opinion.- not judging people for liking it. its a ME thing)
whats the point? its that its her. its still a different character, different in story, background, personality, but i WANT to play zelda and she can do everything link does, why does she have to be so restricted and be bend over backwards to find some new way to make her 'useful' when link gets to do basically everything no questions asked (the only thing thats hers is like .. sealing power and sacrificial maiden, which i find a little underwhelming to say the least), if theres no point to it why are there always modders that model swap link with someone else, and in that case it has even less impact bc its an artificial model swap with no changes to the story (which can and should still be different when its the vanilla game with a different protagonist... its still a different character), clearly theres joy in just the model being a different one- and that isnt even to mention the story possibilities, since, again, its stil a different character
if we ever (never ... i know who we are talking about here) get to play as ganondorf i want to him to be just as versatile and active as link is, if we got a point and click adventure game for him instead bc 'whats the point' id be disappointed too- you can find any sort of excuse/explanation for zelda to be singled out but the fact remains it tracks with how female characters are often treated, and that hits a very sore spot for me
i guess i am unfortunately one of those annoying people that want to see female characters be treated exactly the same as male characters, possibly bc i am myself afab but identify as agender and have a deeply personal dislike for anything 'traditional' feminine bc i cannot and never will be able to truly live as myself in real life, it influences all of my work, my work is as just as much as my opinion on this, very personal
and in line with my point about modding, i see theres joy in just beign able to play as her even if its like this, i get that, i also get it for the creative aspect (though that mechanic worries me even more for the future bc it really seems to be the path now that -freedom = good, linear anything = bad-) it is a different idea and its not like i cant see that value- im not trying be "right" either, just bc i have that opinion doesnt mean i need everyone to agree, its a very personal thing, if you like it good for you! not for me though, and i think both of that is equally valid
i just personally wish she was allowed to be just like link, fight just like him but be different bc its still her and not him in the end- to be physically/playstyle like jsut like him, but you know ... as her, i dont think shed stop being zelda if she could wield a sword just like him
i dont really know how to get my point/feelings across, i dont want to step too much into personal stuff nor spam people with something that ultimately doesnt interest me alot, im just saddened by it really
(EDIT: bc i forgot to add this on here again; this isnt as much of a problem as it might sound like here, just the main topic i wanted to talk about; why im so uninterested in it is MAINLY bc i dont trust them to write anything interesting/care about lore anymore after totk, im always on the more pessimistic side that thinks its most likely worse than id hope and i know even the past games arent perfect or super interestingly written, but now its much more just a general distrust, together with everything like the price ... im just much less hopeful and cant get excited until i see more of it, like im waiting for the game to get out and reveal that its just as much of a mess and money i regret spending- kind of fear)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#person that send an ask about this in just as i was writing this- this isnt about you- i promise you#its soemthing thats been stirring in my mind since yesterday#and seeing so many of those comments- and even aonuma himself say it#just strikes a very very personal sore spot#also to that one commenter on a different post-#no- wanting female characters being allowed to wield a sword is not “badass female character mysogyni” (idk how to spell that rn)#the hollywood badass female character thing is annoying but thats bc-#its a super model woman (bc shes ALLOWED TO BE FEMININE you KNOW) fight people in high heels- bc you can be feminie AND badass-#and then does a cringy one liner 'what you thoguht a FEMALE couldnt kick your teeth in'#which comes with alot more baggage of tropes and hollywood etc etc#i long for the 'women are jsut as capable as men' in a very agender way#why do you think i intentionally design alot of female characters non tradtionally feminie or masculine#again this is a very pseronal thing to me#BUT i do think it IS questionable that its her that isnt allowed to fight with a sword#like i dont think thats much of my personal dislike there- but a valid thing to point out no matter the explanations you can come up with#anyway- i dont hate it- but its not for me- i dont want to talk much about it#i hope you can excuse me not answering the asks i got related to this- id just repeat myself#(i guess i should be glad that its the top down one that gets her as the protagonist-)#(i dont think i want to live through seeing her be animated like the typically girly feminine butt wiggle in your face tehehe)#(the botw/totk cutscnes were enough of that for me PERSONALLY)#i dont know how many times i have to say its my very biased personally personal opinion and no a judging of others#to make it clear that no one has to agree with me and i dont want to be convinced of the other opinions of this
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when i watched the one about silver i could hear all 11 sonilver shippers on the planet wailing in agony in the distance
#i have mixed feelings on what they said about sonic and silver's relationship personally ..#like to be clear ive never really shipped them anyway so i dont have that sort of bias going on here#and im not against the idea of them being like brothers either i think that has the potential to be really cute#it just feels kinda random for them to say that in an official thing? even in something thats not really canon like twitter takeovers#because i cant think of a time in the games or comics where their relationship has really come off that way.#feels like they just made that up on the spot#(which its fine if they wanna make up random little character traits on the spot but . maybe dont approach relationships that way)#and i say this as someone who does interpret a few sets of characters who are technically just friends as being like sibilngs#but whatever. its not that big a deal To Me but i imagine a lot of sonilver fans are upset rn. which is fair .#but im less unhappy with the fact that its sonic and silver specifically#and more just generally dont like the idea official media assigning random familial relationships that didnt exist before#and dont really have a real basis for them or feel like a natural development of the characters' existing dynamic#idk just doesnt feel like a good idea to me
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MAN I'm seriously so sad about season 2. Bc I wish act 2 had the same emotional impact on me as it appears to have on so many others. But rn I'm just somewhere between unable to care and actively annoyed by some of those writing decisions. Seriously the more I think about it the less I like it.
#act 3 come through please 🙏#I don't think it can salvage some of the things I have contentions with but still... please...#don't ask me about the silco vander flashback with jinxs + vis mom#or the bizzare choice to do so much of the storytelling through this weird music video format they've got going on#completely stripping it of the weight these plot beats could've had if they were... normal scenes#and also missing the point of how the music was used in season 1 and what made it so effective#bc it was complementary to instead of replacing the storytelling#seriously don't ask me about these things I will spontaneously implode on the spot#whyyyyy would they recontextualize season 1 like this with that flashback#to me it kind of ruins the character dynamics and themes in s1. it just makes me so sad you have no idea#also what even are they doing with Jinx rn for real#aaarghhhh just... so many things that are making me scratch my head#also I'm so terribly sorry but I could not care less about Isha sorry lol#like i get that its sad conceptually but she was such a non-character that i struggle to feel impacted at all#same with sky tbh. i thought her role in s1 was alright but there is so much emotional weight put on her now#in terms of her relationship to Viktor but that was barely established so it's weird to have her around#and clearly you're supposed to care but they haven't given me much reason to#isha and sky were non-characters just there to die to further the development of other characters#they didn't really have anything going on on their own and that's just a type of character and plot device that does nothing for me#also i thought the war between zaun and piltover + internal struggles in zaun bc silcos gone would be the main focus#but that stuff seems so sidetracked rn#also sorry i dont like what they did with vander and warwick either. that man should've stayed dead lol#it honestly just makes his death feel less impactful and i dont know what this is supposed to do for the story or the themes???#that just feels like a pointless plotline that is taking up time that could've been spent on other things#i just... i could go on like this for a while like there are so many things that just puzzle me#it's so weird considering how tight and thematically consistent season 1 was#let's see where act 3 goes but... i kinda have a bad feeling about it ngl#obv im glad others are enjoying it and this is just my opinion! also a lot of this are probs just my personal tastes anyway#arcane spoilers
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my eye-spy sitcom best friendcore ass apartment. btw. just thought you should know. I kind of recommend zooming in if you want to.
Constant Visual Stimulation. No Escape.
bonus: the newest addition that we stole rescued from my place of work yesterday after taking these pics. a lovely lady.
#this covers the majority of it for now. I cannot stop myself from putting every little thing on a wall#if you can spot just how many of these things are my own art you get some sort of prize ig#I don't think you'd be able to though. not in full tbh.#also please forgive me for the tumblr sexyman sash and the blorbo poster. I was going thru it last year. had a moment of weakness.#idk what to tag this as tbqh.#maximalism#I think?#apartment#aesthetic#the tragedy of this is that you can't see my Dr. Who book+comic shelves in this#I also didn't really document our bat shelf very well either. maybe I should just take pics of the bookshelves. lmao.#ok to interact. please do actually tbh#there was a part of me that was going to make a way more intense exploration of the living room#almost point and click style. hard to explain rn. maybe one day I'll do it when I clean up the bookshelves and stuff more#but this doesn't even get into all the stickers on the end tables and my speakers and stuff loll
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anyone else feeling fundamentally incapable of adjusting to society. also just discovered there's a 30 tag limit which i can't believe i've never hit before
#like it was one thing when i was in high school and college like wasn't socialized as a child due to not receiving schooling and growing up#sda blah blah whatever but like i'm almost 27 and i am barely functioning lol like i feel like i'm struggling to have a normal conversation#even more than i used to and i think my speech cadence is noticably off which i don't think it always has been#some of it is definitely from chronic exhaustion from having to get up too early and the stress of having a frequently panic inducing boss#but like. come on now. i can't even drive despite finally having a license because i'm too scared/distractible/poor reaction time#over a dozen antidepressants have not worked. adderall is not working great either#i'm SO much dumber than i used to be and it's driving me quite literally insane#i don't even think it's from getting covid in july because i was noticing it before although it definitely became way more noticeable after#i got this job. i've never been this bad at a job in my life and it's something anyone who knows me would assume i'd be good at#it's embarrassing. i cannot fucking remember anything i struggle to do the most basic of arithmetic to fill prescriptions i make the same#silly mistakes multiple times i am constantly asking stupid questions and still somehow fucking up all the time#it's not as bad as it was a couple months ago and frankly i'm shocked i haven't gotten fired i keep thinking that's going to happen#of course i wanted to quit this job four months ago but now i'm at like a sunk cost fallacy point unfortunately#this is obviously not like any kind of career position for many reasons but i don't know what else to do unless i move across the country#again. i'm not even qualified for anything besides animal related things and summer camp which are fine obviously but not great if you want#things like benefits or paid leave or not to get burned out as hell lmao#i don't even feel like i could do any customer service jobs because i literally struggle to put a coherent sentence together on the spot#everything is so slow. soooo slow i'm literally losing my mind which is catastrophic because my mind is all i've ever had going for me#and i'm having kind of a horrible existence lately which is exacerbating all my problems except the problems make it mostly impossible to d#anything to fix it. ok going out and doing some fun stuff for a day makes me feel better that's great. except then i need a day after that#to recover from doing things the previous day. so the only feasible day for doing things would be saturday. except on saturdays i'm#recovering from working. i literally only work 4 days and barely over 30 hours it's Not that crazy. i mean the boss is crazy and the job ca#also be crazy obviously but 30 hours a week is minimal compared to other work schedules i've maintained before#anyway but the most i can do after work is go to the store if i need to but i almost never have energy for anything fun#and the fucking bus doesn't run on sundays and walking miles to get literally anywhere takes a lot of energy i don't have#i'm about to move next weekend and i'm dreading it because it's going to be so much work and i'm so fucking tired#and i don't have any friends to help me with cleaning i might be able to get help moving my stuff but i'm not even confident about that#i might have to rent a uhaul but i would honestly rather pay somebody to help because i'm that scared of driving even for one 30 min trip#whatever....sorry i had to feel bad for myself in the tumblr dot edu tags again i'm not in therapy rn#(<- guy who should be in therapy)
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i am a firm believer in that akasha is marius' mother figure and their relationship is intentionally meant to parallel him and his human mother
#imho its not a long shot to consider akasharius/marikasha (idk) psuedoincest either#i should probably write an analysis longpost about it but still the signs are there in canon. marius was groomed to be the god of the grove#whos alternatively called “the lover of the [great] mother” as well. a little bit of a given that their relationship is blurry to#the human (our) eyes even if its simply because they are vampires and fundamentally are not restrained by our own ideas and labels to things#but marius really did love akasha as a mother (or perhaps his concept of one) as a goddess/deity and as an object/project of his#as for akasha well. cant say im an expert on our (former) queen of the damned but in-turn she loved marius as a servant. never a son as he#mightve wished for her to. this is to say that while akasha didnt see marius as her son she definitely hit the spot on his mommy issues™#obv she didnt love marius enough to Not leave him immediately for lestat lol but emphasis on the “servant” part of “loved him as a servant”#this is demonstrated by the fact eudoxia enthusiastically offers to replace marius as twmbks keeper but akasha is like lmfao hell no#and makes the choice to retain marius instead. because tbh he IS the ideal... (trying to find synonyms for servant) ... lackey??? for twmbk#dare i say marius saying that he used to lay against akashas breast to “listen to her heart” and “try fathoming her thoughts” reminds me of#skin-to-skin (head-to-chest) contact between a parent and their child (baby) so theres that too#anyway this has more text than the og post alone so ill shut up for now... do we see the vision???#ive slept like 2 hours be kind if my english isnt the best rn#xndead rambles#xndead father of lies#marius de romanus#akasha#the vampire chronicles#tvc
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so... we all get the father vibes from Pentious, right? It's not just me?
Theres the "son?" Joke in the pilot which sounded a liiiittle too sincere, there's how he acts around his egg bois... and how that cringefail energy of his could easily be translated into embarrassing dad behavior...
So anyway what I'm saying is I still think Baxter could be his missing son-
#Hazbin hotel#sir pentious#Look on the one hand#Snek and feesh.#Come on#It's cute#Also they're both “scientists” in a way#And Sir Precious over here took Baxter's spot in the cast#First thing could easily be coincidence#But also I think it'd be funny and also really heartwarming#Bur it'd be CRUEL if SP ends up being the one to die in season one and Baxter comes to the hotel one episode#And somehow finds out his dad was here and neither of them knew#I think that could be the only thing that would make me legit sad if he was the one to get killed#I mean don't get me wrong I love him#But he just feels unattached to the rest of the cast to me#And I feel like it'd hurt the characters the least#Even if he did sacrifice himself like some theorists imagine#I'm having trouble summoning thoughts rn I might come back to this later *not likely*
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man i sure wish i had the energy to do anything at all!
okay well it's not entirely true that i haven't been doing anything. i'm cooking. trust.
#meds make it so i can't really strongly differentiate between depressive episodes and regular depression#it's moreso a constant depression with random spurts of energy in between long periods of doing nothing but sleeping and working#but the art i HAVE managed to produce has gone pretty hard ngl.#i think it's also the current political climate here in america. it's hostile and i'm drifting away from my family because of it#and that's been pretty rough#it's been a gradual drift away that started in high school and has just intensified through adulthood#but i love my friends and my favs and cats and music#i think coming to terms with being disabled has been a punch to the gut since now my options SHOULD be open. but there's SO MUCH i can't do#things are looking up for me in the general sense. i'm in a good spot in my life right now but that doesn't stop the perpetual brainfog#nothing will ever really stop this everpresent depression but i'm generally stable and healthy so it is what it is#it feels good to love and be loved and that's what keeps me going#if i'm sad? sleep it off. go to work then sleep for 16 hrs a day on my days off. then work again. easy#the life of a productive little worker bee is great!#ress thinks#okay rant over. i'm not in a bad place rn dw! i just like to yap
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I like to imagine that, after Pepito goes to sleep, Tilin's spirit visits him in his dreams. She kisses him on the forehead and tells him happy birthday and reassures him that his parents love him, and when he asks how she could know that, Tilin just says: "Because we share a dad, and I know he loves me too."
#i talk#qsmp talk#man....#I haven't been able to keep up with Pepito much since he always shows up in evening streams for my timezone#and it's hard for me to watch that#but lonely little children who just want to be loved make me cry like nothing else#I've got a massive spot for kids and lonely characters#Tilin was a very lonely kid but even SHE had Roier and Jaiden#I know Quackity didnt care as much for Tilin back then as he does retroactively now#there's a lot to say / analyze about that and love becoming a post-mortem thing#but I'm not in the mood to analyze that rn. I'm already depressed#I hope Pepito gets showered in love at every opportunity#I need to watch Fit's christmas event stream because I THINK he hung out with them? I didnt catch it
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in a cafe rn. this place is nice :>
#just me hi#they have a lot of random old stuff in here it's fun :D#tons of books too; though most of them seem to be romance and unfortunately i've come to terms w/ the fact i'm a hater gfhsfh </3#oh and not that the old stuff is random in a new place; it's an old-looking place with a lot of old stuff that doesn't match anything else#lol ! there are some spots that are Almost uhh- the word is not coherent but it's something like it hfhvs#i've had a bisquit sanmich and a lemonade which was pretty fine. i liked the sandwich though it was a bit greasy bfsh :>#idk i'm just comfortable here. the guy running the counter might be gay and there's a bathroom sign that jokes abt gender n creatures for#them lol - it's relatively quiet too n i have a chair that's pressed against the wall w/ no windows so i don't feel like i can be snuck up#on ghfhsv. i like it here so far :D#//anywho i think i'm gonna get on my ar.ft attacks now hfhsvh#i didn't bother posting my first one this year but i'll get to that rn!! :3#i have 1 + 1/2 i gotta do - i say a half because it doesn't Technically count as an attack due to the System but ehe :33#//btw this place has a thing going on where it's Nearly symmetrical#every table is missing at least 1 chair that would make it so and if there Is an even amount of chairs they aren't the same kind#though they Are matching in colour if they aren't the same type! i like that. dunno why hfbvs#also i like how oddly everything has been placed. tables placed in a diamond form compared to the room and then others are situated like#regular tables ; i just think it's interesting lol :33#//oh and i've finished another chapter of my book ; it's taking me forever because i actually came to like it a lot n i don't want it to en#a common habit of mine hfhfsh <3#though ik it's hard to tell from the outside if i'm not doing it cuz i hate it or cuz i love it. fun for Me though hfhbshvs#//yea anyway. i like this place lol :>#gonna wander around prolly. n work on stuff hopefully :>>#i have a ~+~root beer~+~ so here i go !! toodles :D
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i think he wants the doctor to beat him up in the exact same way that missy wants the doctor to tenderly hold her face and kiss her
#i am. So obsessed with them#like. same thing#same thing#different thing but actually same thing#im not even actually sure if he could deal with it if the doctor kissed him rn#i mean i know we've said just kiss him and hes yours like its not that hard to. make him stop#all this#but#im not sure he could even cope with that tbh like getting beat up hits the same spot and emotionally#might be easier#im just fucking staring#ive been staring at this for 10 minutes#lost in the master sauce again sorry#wait let me consider for a moment what if hes before missy#...#OUGUGHGHGHGAUAAUGHGHGGHHGG#okay considered it#but anyway im not sure he could deal with it i think if 13 kissed him he'd punch her in the stomach like#theyre not there#like who the fuck are you beat me up like a normal person
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i could draw anything but i decided to draw this. carlo and rocco in 1932 aka my headache
#^ this isnt real ofc but its what happening inside their heads (well in carlo's at least)#mfs when their old friend doesn't break under manipulation#“Lift up the receiver I'll make you a believer” punching the wall with fist#rocco was the underboss not eddie can u hear me!!!!!!!!!!! HELLO!!!!!!!!! (capo henry situation in terms of complexity)#no m2 did smth to my brain and now im incapable of writing normal relationship between people#anyway. things that makes sense only to me rn unfortunately:#“AND YET ALAS I WELCOME YOU KNOWING ABOUT YOU” its carlo @ rocco but works both ways i think. RAHHHHHHHHH#YET YOU THINK WE'RE THE SAME RAHHHHHHHHH#youre not who u are to anyone these days im not who i am to anyone no not me at all these days not at all RAHHHHHHHHH#carlo who was afraid of rocco (for a reason) when he started to run the family rahhhhhhhhh#“That son of a bitch!.. I fuckin’ knew it!” <-watch me put a lot more meaning into a phrase that shouldn't make so much sense#2kczech need to pay me for developing rocco's character btw if u even care . and for writing this fucking falcone family backstory#“Холодный и острый осколок гранита; Смерть Голиафа в руке Давида”#<- “A cold and sharp shard of granite; Goliath's death in David's hand”#i've listened to this song too much it became certifed rocco song to me#let's say rocco helped carlo a lot w preparing moretti family for a new don. just bc i don't think it was this simple#“your capo killed your don lets all pretend that its cool and normal and it doesn't matter that he ran the family for 23 years😋😘”#avart#m2#i wont tag this w fandom tags dear god this shit is so delusional#dear god rocco been a gap and a blank spot in this story for so long but now i genuinely like him#tho i'm still not done with his character yet but there's enough for me to like him#sorry. not normal bout them. not at all .#rocco & carlo
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ever since I learned the fact that you can kill a flyfish with a singular bomb if they're close enough to a ledge during a shift on spawniing grounds it's made freelancing with salmon randoms more bearable
#theres also some silly ones like if you throw an egg towards a specific spot(s) in the water on bonerattle during tornado#the egg somehow bounces all the way to the basket (which I still need to learn)#it's just little things you just end up seeing in higher hazard lobbies that make you go 'oh neat' and you just end up adopting#there's some more but these are the only 2 I can only think of at the top of my head rn since i've been playing on bonerattle so much lol#splatoon 3#splatoon#salmon run
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