#making a show about them centred around a really positive dude might as well be centered around their coach the rainbow sparkle pegasus

[sonjabysonjamorgan]

honestly? a not insignificant part of why i hate ted lasso is bc i don’t believe in straight men under 50 having moustaches

[stxleslyds]

you know how dc keeps forcing this sudden "we're a family" narrative out of nowhere? I'd love batfam content but years of hurt among them make the recent content seem unearned.

bc you know more about dick and jason than the others, how do you think they would realistically become family to each other, or would it even be in character for them to be the "bros" they're written as now?

Oh anon, this question is amazing, I love it! I saw it when I woke up and since then my brain has been brewing this answer, I was thinking about it as I brushed my teeth and as I was making breakfast, and now I am ready to give you the answer, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed thinking/writing about it!

DC keeps forcing the wrong relationships, and they keep forcing the wrong centre of this supposed family, they make it out to be the Bat-Family when in reality the Bat (Bruce) should have never been invited to this party.

This is why I give you the… Dick-Family!

Oh yeah baby, I am going there. Dick is the centre of this “family”, he is the guy who is actually connected with everyone, he has been around for so long and he has been present when almost all of the remaining characters were introduced! Bruce might have come first but that guy has nothing on Dick Grayson.

Dick has cared and loved for everyone in this family in a true and beautiful way, no matter how much fanon and DC try to tell us otherwise. This man was an amazing son to Bruce and Alfred (my love for Alfred and Dick is brought to you by @hood-ex), a fantastic brother to Jason, Tim and Cass as well as a phenomenal father/older brother to Damian.

Dick Grayson is the centre of this whole thing, and thanks to DC now being an Omniverse I will be able to explain my line of thoughts. But first let me clear some ideas up.

The way I see it Jason would only get along good enough with Dick. I am not here for Jason and Tim having brunch together (honestly, Lobdell, what were you thinking), Jason never cared for Tim, and then writers that didn’t know how the Red Hood worked made him try to kill Tim so, to me, that relationship is non-existent, Jason doesn’t really perceive Tim (yet).

Jason and Damian, listen, I know that there is this fanon theory that Jason knew and cared for Damian while he was in the League, but that is just fanon talk and it doesn’t really fit in canon either. Jason wasn’t really capable of doing much other than fight, and after he was put in the Lazarus Pit he either had to leave because Ra’s wanted to kill him or Talia took him to the All-Castle. So, Jason’s only real interactions with Damian would be when Jason was written as a crazy, blood thirsty dude that actually tried to harm a child. So, him and Damian wouldn’t really have a good relationship (yet).

Jason and Cass… that’s just a no. Jason and Barbara, I mean Barbara was older than Dick when she first met Jason, so they wouldn’t have much of a relationship.

Now, lets move on to how I will make the Dick-Family work.

Dick (bless him) actually talks and listens to people, unlike Bruce, so the change would start there. Let’s set the timeline, I will stand right after the events of Under the Red Hood. Bruce just chose saving Joker over letting Jason kill the Joker and the building they were in exploded.

Batman keeps on being himself (trash) and Jason, having survived the explosion, moves on to keep on building his empire. He really wants to control the drug trade in Gotham, so he works on that, he slowly but surely takes his place as a drug lord again and is a constant pain in Black Mask’s ass.

While Jason is doing that, Dick is trying to put together his life after Bludhaven was attacked with Chemo. Let’s say that Bludhaven isn’t completely erased from the map but he does have to leave so the city can be re-built. He goes to Gotham, where the Red Hood works.

Let’s say that Alfred told Dick who was under the Red Hood, so Dick being a good brother goes looking for Jason. Their first interaction out of the mask wouldn’t be nice, Jason barely remembers his life before the pit and he really is convinced that Dick is the absolute worst.

But then Jason being a nosy man would make an appearance, for some reason, let’s say that he hacks into the Batcave and when he does that he finds some footage… The footage in question would be the one which shows Bruce punching Dick and sort of blaming him for Jason’s death. (Oh yeah, I am going there). The footage will make a memory come to mind, Dick taking Jason on a skying trip.

So, the next time that Dick and Jason see each other is because Jason went looking for Dick and here is where these two actually talk. The way I see it, Dick is more flexible with the no killing rule, he has worked many times with people that are villains or that just have different ways of doing things. So, I think that he would understand where Jason’s coming from with his ideas. As they begin to understand one another Jason begins to recover more and more memories from before the Pit.

They get together once a week and they chat about life as well as vigilante stuff. They become friends.

At the same time Dick is also very good friends with Tim and also acts like the amazing big brother he is with him. They chat, they sometimes work together and one day they come across a very complicated situation involving a new drug being introduced in Gotham.

Dick would call Jason and now both of them and Tim are reunited in a safe house working together so this new drug doesn’t fall in the wrong hands. Jason and Tim wouldn’t really like each other. Both of them are there for Dick and because they have to get the job done.

That’s how I see Dick forming the Dick-Family unconsciously. Hell, I will introduce Barbara now. Do you guys remember that in UtRH Barbara was mad with Bruce and didn’t want to work with him but she was still in contact with Dick? Well, I am using that so it can fit my narrative.

Dick, Jason and Tim need more intel so Dick calls Oracle (real Oracle) and because Barbara trusts Dick she works with them.

Here is where it gets interesting, through Barbara, Dick meets Cass, through Tim he meets Stephanie. You see that Dick’s connections are leading him to form a group of people. Cass and Stephanie are trained by Babs and Dick and they become the new Batgirls.

As all of that keeps developing Jason and Dick become “partners in crime” they help each other, they start building a brotherly relationship again. Although Jason refuses to say that out loud.

Then comes in Damian, a difficult child if there has ever been one but he has Bruce so Dick doesn’t have to jump in that fast… right?

Oh brother! Bruce is dead (omg what would we do? Battle for the cowl maybe? No!). with Bruce gone there is only one person who can take his place and everyone knows it has to be Dick.

Dick would feel a lot of things as he is taking Bruce’s place as Batman but he has a group of people ready to back him up (Alfred, Jason, Tim, Babs, Cass, Steph), and he also has to take care of Damian, he is a child and with his father gone then maybe his mother would want to take him back to the League of Assassins, Dick obviously doesn’t want that so he talks to Tim and tells him that he sees him as his equal and that he has a plan to make Damian stay and it involves making Damian his new Robin.

Tim would obviously be sad and a little hurt, but he understands Dick’s decision because they talked about it and Dick actually took the time to explain why he was doing what he was doing (really DC half of the problems you guys come up could be fixed in seconds if people would only take some time to just TALK!).

Dick and Damian work as Batman and Robin and Dick starts assuming the position of his father. They would live with Alfred in the penthouse and maybe Tim will join them from time to time (when he wasn’t busy with Young Justice/Teen Titans stuff). Slowly Dick and Damian will become the Dynamic Duo that we love today.

So, Dick would have his own Robin, Oracle (who is also managing her own team with Black Canary and (why not) the Batgirls), Red Robin and Red Hood working with him if he needs them. They are always a call away. Jason is the most difficult to reach and he will only involve himself in that kind of drama if its about controlling the drug trade or scaring the living shit out of some very shady people.

So, Red Hood wouldn’t be working with the new (and improved) Batman but Jason would hang out with Dick sometimes.

From there they build up. Dick renovates Arkham Asylum and makes it work they way that it is supposed to work. He might also recruit Catwoman when he needs someone really sneaky, they have known each other for so long, I bet Selina loves Dick, she would certainly help him out.

But as all things do, this happy and well-connected Dick-Family is disrupted when Bruce comes back, he inserts himself slowly back into his role as Batman and as he does that Dick starts to move away from it.

But Dick’s connections are strong and well cared for, so, even when he goes back to Bludhaven and starts fresh (again) as Nightwing those connections remain. Oracle still gives him intel, Robin and Red Robin come over to Bludhaven to patrol, maybe they even have their own rooms at Dick’s place.

With Bludhaven functioning again, all of the terrible people that were working there also come back, maybe some of them never left and they have been corrupting the city from its very core. So, when Jason tells Dick that he would like to expand his operations to Bludhaven, Dick says yes, as long as Jason keeps him updated on his work and also lets him know what is going on.

I think it works! What do you guys think so far?

From then on with the whole Dick-Family being connected and strong I think they can actually act and solve their problems as a family. All those arcs that didn’t work very well because Bruce was in the middle of it being a jerk, I think they will work if Dick is at the centre of it. Let’s say that Bruce hid the fact that Joker knows their identities and all that, with such a strong family the second that the Joker tries to manipulate Jason into believing that he created him, Dick will come out of the shadows and shut that bullshit down. If Joker tries to do something to the Circus, then the Birds of Prey and the Robins will be there in seconds helping Dick.

The Court of Owls, those little shits wouldn’t stand a chance against this team, this force of nature! Jason would be the one working from afar because you know my boy wouldn’t be subjected to the “no-killing” rule but if he does it, he has to do it away from the children (Damian) and away from Cass, if he doesn’t want to know real trouble. (He probably arranged those things with Dick a long time ago and he is happy with it).

Now, please forgive me but for angst reasons I will actually let the events of, Batman Incorporated #8, Forever Evil, Nightwing #30 and Spyral run its course.

Let me explain, after Damian’s death Dick holds the Dick-Family together, as well as Bruce because he is amazing like that, but then after Dick supposedly dies, things change just a little bit. Jason would retreat back to his own corner because the only thing attaching him to the Dick-Family was Dick but he would also keep his eyes open and he might also have a direct line with Oracle if things go south.

Aside from Jason, I do see the others working on keeping their connections intact. When Damian eventually returns the land of the living, I can see all of them coming together even more because that’s what Dick would have wanted.

And then Dick will come back from Spyral and here is where the Dick-Family will show the “Bat-Family” why its superior to it in every aspect possible.

The Dick-Family will notice that something must have happened, Dick would never play dead and leave them like that, but Dick loves Bruce and he doesn’t want to tell them the truth, Bruce has no memories now and his family doesn’t deserve that kind of drama BUT Jason and Tim are suspicious, they know Dick at this point and they trust him so they firmly believe that he is hiding something to protect someone. And here is where life repeats itself. Let’s review the Batcave’s footage, yes, I did it again, I just love the fact that Bruce has footage of himself being the absolute worst to his kids, how does DC not use it! Anyway, Tim and Jason find the footage from the events of Nightwing #30 and suddenly the Dick-Family have their “Dick defence squad” jackets on and they are ready to party.

After all that Bruce eventually gets his memories back and he is held accountable for his actions. Also, around this time the events of Robin War would have already happened so Duke is also introduced. Dick lets him join and all that, and then Duke and Cass become besties and they work together.

And yeah, as Rebirth comes closer the Dick-Family would be more united than ever.

The end.

That is how I would have done it. But this way is slow, and DC wouldn’t be able to monetize it as much as they would want.

Jason wouldn’t be giving hugs and calling everyone their brother or sister, he will only get along with Dick and he would be professional with everyone else.

Tim and Damian would get along but they wouldn’t go for ice cream together on a sunny day. Steph and Damian would and so would Cass and Tim or Cass and Duke.

Oracle would work with Dick and the others as a side thing because her main thing would be the Birds of Prey, this time with Helena too.

Alfred would spend his time with Bruce but he would also be very aware of Dick and his influence on everyone around them. Bruce eventually would be integrated to the Dick-Family because Dick is a sweetheart but Dick would also make Bruce follow his rules, Dick is a little bean but he is also the most badass person in the room (whichever room) so you better listen to what he has to say.

The Dick-Family would be something that grows silently and doesn’t need a “Joker War” in order for them to be there for each other, they would try their best each step of the way and they will talk things out when mistakes are made.

This is the way that I see this family dynamic working.

I would even go as far as to say that Talia can be part of the Dick-Family because she is connected to three people, Dick, Damian and Jason.

Dick is the person with most connections in the DC Universe, the Titans, the Justice League, Deathstroke, they all have connections to this treasure of a man. If he needs help in Gotham or Bludhaven then he can call people from the “first circle”, if things are beyond a “street level” threat them he can call the Titans and if shit really hits the fan, Clark and the others are a call away.

Anyway, this was unnecessarily long, I am sorry about it but I am also not because I really don’t know how to answer your question without going on a long rant.

In conclusion the Bat-Family doesn’t work and sadly it wouldn’t work no matter how much they force it. These people don’t have connections, Bruce is not able to make connections between people. And DC has erased entire relationships that Dick used to have. I mean, they got rid of Dick and Tim being close brothers just so they could give us a shitty brunch between Tim and Jason? Only yesterday we saw a true and beautiful interaction between Dick and Damian.

DC is handling the “Bat-Family” in all the worst possible ways. It just doesn’t work.

They should have used Dick all those years ago and they shouldn’t have destroyed Jason’s characterization with Lobdell’s ideas.

So, sadly, my dear anon, I don’t see the Bat-Family as a in character thing for any of these people as they are written currently, but I hope that you enjoyed my version of it. May the Dick-Family bring everyone who reads about it a little joy!

[s1i9d]

AMPHIBIA SEASON 2 FINALE: INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS AND SHIPPING

SPOILERS FOR ALL OF AMPHIBIA PRE-"TRUE COLORS" & SEASON 2B TRAILER

It's time.... I can't believe this is the final week of Amphibia before the hiatus for Season 3. We can cry about that in May, but for now we have some business to get to with Relationship drama!

DISCLAIMER: This is a shipping/platonic interpersonal relationship discussion post for the relationship between all three of the girls. All healthy ships are good ships, but I’m talking from my perspective. This is my own speculation for the show, and what I interpret may not be the crew’s intent. So I’m doing this with the knowledge that there’s a possibility that this is all speculation and not canon.

If no ships at all, or the ship you wanted did not happen in the Season 2 finale, do not blame the artists and creators for such. Many fandoms have done this and it’s possible that it will happen again. Just don’t be those people who ignore the hard work and beautiful storytelling the Amphibia crew have done and just complain to them about not doing the ship you/we desperately wanted. Harassing the crew for telling their story is a horrible thing to do. So please be mindful of that.

I will also talk about both monogamous ships and a potential polyamorous ship (which is WILD that a Disney frog isekai has one of the most potential for LGBT Poly representation). So if you're polyphobic or monophobic, this post isn't for you. (while you're at it block me.)

But let’s get started:

The Polaroid

A recurring prop used to showcase the happy memories of Anne, Sasha and Marcy. We’ve only seen two of the same Polaroid: one with Anne, and the other with Sasha. It's used to showcase the three girls' tight friendship and bond initially on Earth, and I think if Marcy shows hers, it might showcase the angst of her working for Andrias. (More on that theory in my plot speculation post.)

There is no one else to morally ship them with.

Pad Thai shippers, calm down. In a show like this, there would be a dude who came to Amphibia with the three girls and Anne or someone would fall in love with him. But like The Owl House, there is no hetero ship presented with Anne, Sasha or Marcy that aren't Amphibians. The only people we can ship the three girls with are each other, and even then Sasha and Anne's ANGST is too much for a healthy relationship at the moment. Marcy would be the only real potential option for a happy ship with Anne. (Don't attack me Sashanne shippers, just stating the facts on screen.)

"Well, romance isn't the focus of this show!" You're right. Romance isn't the focus, but the show does do romance. We've seen several times with Sprig and Ivy, and Hop Pop and Sylvia. They may not be the centre focus (which is one of the reasons I love this show) but it exists. The show has done romance several times, and if they culminate a romance with [two or all three of the] girls, it would make sense. The potential is there, but will it happen?

Romance Thread

Hop Pop and Sylvia, Joe Sparrow and Bessie, Sprig and Ivy, "Quarreler's Pass" where Hop Pop asks Anne if she has a boyfriend to fill the awkward silence: these are all romance threads/points throughout the season and it makes so much more sense to have them culminate in this finale or at least showcase an idea of further explicit queer relationship, and do the romance in Season 3.

An overarching story with these three girls has been their interpersonal relationships with one another as Sasha is controlling of both of them, and Anne and Marcy try to find their own path and reach their own autonomy. By having Marcy and Anne find themselves devoid of Sasha, they are free to be themselves.

Sasha as a Complex Character

Sasha at the current moment is not ready for any relationship with Anne or Marcy, especially with what we learn about her in “The Third Temple” in using Marcy, Anne and the Plantars to storm Newtopia. She is a major component of angst in the show, and the main conflict to Anne and Marcy's arcs. Especially with the Season “wrapping” up their angst by "Battle of the Bands", but touching on it in several episodes of the season: it seems like it's going to be thrown over to the next season. The Season 2 finale will be somehow more angsty than “Reunion” (which... how are they going to do??) and the Season 3 finale will introduce a sort of distrust arc and denouement of them realising their relationship and dynamics were not healthy. The biggest disconnect in the last episode was Sasha thinking that after she uses them to get into Newtopia safely, she can somehow control this relationship she has between Marcy and Anne.

[You might be wondering: "okay, but if their angst is doubling down this season, why do a big post on potential shipping and relationships?" Because I can and I want to. I'm just very into these adorable teenagers being in a happy relationship as soon as possible (especially if it's not hetero).]

Sasha and Marcy - Hold your horses, this isn’t a Sasharcy segment. I’m talking about the relationship and interactions between these characters themselves.

We haven’t yet seen how Sasha and Marcy interact without Anne there: similar to Season 1 where we knew who Anne and Sasha were in terms of their own characters, but in “Reunion” we saw how their dynamic was and how that played a great influence on the Battle of Toad Tower. I think “True Colors” will delve a little into that with perhaps a flashback.

Another similarity and difference between the two is that Marcy is willing to give up her hyper fixated goal for the people she cares about. We see it in "The First Temple" where Marcy is willingly forfeiting the game to save Anne and the Plantars from the harm of the Temple. While with Sasha, we see in "Barrel's Warhammer" that she is persistent in going through with obtaining the Warhammer, even at the cost of the people around her. In this instance, Percy and Braddock. I definitely think that Marcy and Sasha are two foils while still being similar overall. If Andrias' plan means risking Anne and Sasha, I think Marcy would very quickly try to undo it and help Anne.

One theory I saw floating around was in "Reunion", Sasha forgot it was Anne's birthday, and so she sent Marcy to find her a gift while she distracted Anne with all the "fun birthday" stuff. I think perhaps we'll see some more of that, to showcase their relationships as a second chapter to "Reunion" where we see their dynamics. Or it could just be a Season 3 thing.

Anne and Marcy

Something I really like is a post made by @pyroclastic727. They talk about how Marcy and Anne were other-ing each other when I’m their relationship with Sasha. As much as Anne and Marcy cared for each other pre-meet-up, Anne in Season 1 focuses on Sasha. And of course who wouldn’t? Sasha is a force to be reckoned with, and last such an impression that we were terrified of who Marcy was going to be before we met her. I recommend checking their post here for full context.

One thing I am interested in that will probably be a Season 3 flip is how Marcy and Anne met. They seemed to be friends since they were babies, there isn’t really an understanding of where their relationship started. It could be they were best friends, but they started othering each other once Sasha joined them. But now, they’re high tier solid friends again.

The major thing Sasha isn't accounting for is the fact that Anne has changed and grown over time. She's not the exact same girl from Earth, she has grown and changed. Become better and able to stand up for herself. Sasha and Anne's relationship seems to be more angst driven than it was in "Reunion". (HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE???)

THE ARC OF WOMEN LOVING WOMEN

Now that the general stuff is out of the way, let's dig a little deeper into the arcs of the three girls these two seasons so far.

101B - “Best Fronds” - We see Anne’s relationship with Sasha, and how she manipulates Anne and Marcy to do as she says. I’ll talk about this a bit more in the “Barrel’s Warhammer” section from Sasha’s POV, but this is big stuff.

110 - “Toad Tax” + “Prison Break” - These two episodes tie in Sasha and Anne’s angst for the season. It directly ties in two plot threads that are very prominent in ”Reunion”: “Toad Tax” with Anne’s progression as a character and her connection to the people of Wartwood, while “Prison Break” shows Sasha willing to do what it takes to get back home and find the other girls. This is the main plot of the season 1 finale, where Sasha helps Grimes to get what he wants in order for her and Anne to find Marcy and get home, even if it means killing off Hop Pop since he’s a frog and according to her, he doesn’t matter.

119B & 120 - “Anne of the Year” + “Reunion”

There's so much to unpack here. But this is a major moment in Anne standing up for herself, Sasha's "sacrifice", and the future of their relationship hanging in the balance. This is the main trigger for the Sashanne dynamic, the toxic and angst driven story. The end of Act 1 of this 3 act story.

201A - “Handy Anne”

This is an essential episode. The premiere immediately starts off with mentions of Sasha in the events of the Battle for Toad Tower. In addition to Marcy being mentioned only a few moments later. Clearly Anne isn't over the events of Toad Tower, but she's pushing forward and trying her best to move on positively; especially with trying to find Marcy, her third and final friend sent to Amphibia.

204 - “Quarreler's Pass” + “Toadcatcher”

As I said, the Hop Pop/Anne B Plot in "Quarreler's Pass" where Hop Pop tries to fill the awkward silence by asking Anne if she has a boyfriend is very telling of their relationship. But what I find interesting is as soon as the episode ends with Hop Pop saying, "Now we can talk about Anne's boyfriend again." And he gets shoved off the cliff. We immediately go to Sasha. We could have had any other episode with Sasha, but why the one immediately after discussing Anne's romantic life? We know the show likes to tie in plot threads through A and B episodes, so it's a possibility!

"Toadcatcher" is all about the Sashanne angst from Sasha's perspective. She tries to distract herself with training, but Grimes points to her that she's afraid their relationship will never be the same again. Sasha also reveals that she has been training to protect Grimes, the one person she can count on right now. After the fight with Yunan and making plans for storming Newtopia with a Toad Army, Sasha says, "It's not over between us. Not even close." Which just highlights their angst arc for the Season. We'll touch more on it in the B segments of 217 and 218.

206 - “Marcy at the Gates”

Here's the thing about this episode. We touch on Sasha and Marcy in the F-Wagon, and then we speak more on Marcy than Sasha. Something Anne says in the beginning with Sprig: "Look, Sasha and I might be going through a rough patch, but that doesn't mean I don't care about her." It shows Anne still cares about Sasha, and she wants to continue their relationship in a healthy way moving forward if possible. If not, then it's something she's willing to let go.

The rest of the episode is a Marcanne fancam people. So much love for Marcy, some suspicion of her from Sprig. But in the end, she's loved by all. If you don't love Marcy, you're a monster. A key reaction in this episode is wariness in the fandom: after Sasha, everyone was terrified and unsure who Marcy is and if she had a similar trait. But she’s amazing and a wonderful nerd.

Something I did find interesting in the Rebecca Rose interview that Matt Braly (and creator of The Owl House Dana Terrace) is that Braly said Marcy was the most important key to the whole show: if the audience don't love her in the first few minutes of her introduction, the entire show would collapse. What is so vital about Marcy that would cause the entire story to collapse? Is it the romance or the plot? Is it the overall arc or what?

207 - “Scavenger Hunt” + “The Plantars Check In”

Marcy and Anne episodes, with Anne feeling insecure about Marcy and Marcy feeling envious of Anne's social skills and befriending the people around her. It solidifies their dynamic and doubles down on Marcy being the cutest and greatest character of all time.

210A - “The Sleepover to End All Sleepovers”

This is a heavy episode for Sashannarcy. Although not seeing Sasha since "Toadcatcher" and we wouldn't be seeing her until "Barrel's Warhammer", this episode does good to remind the audience of Sasha's presences and lasting effect on the girls. Anne talks about Sasha as though she still wants them to be friends if possible to continue their relationship in a healthy way.

The episode does more so focus on Anne and Marcy in the sleepover, but Sasha's presence is still very strong, enough that you feel her presence looming over them. It's not healthy, but it's part of the healing process.

210B - “A Day at the Aquarium”

This is where alarms were set off about Andrias. His proposition for Marcy directly after she tells Anne to go with the Plantars back to Wartwood really does create a new dynamic. So far, it seemed as though Marcy really wanted to have her friend around her. She had no one from Earth until Anne came, and it seems as though she can't reveal informal secrets and insecurities to King Andrias or Lady Olivia. It is a real victory to have Anne go with the Plantars to Wartwood, but Marcy is left without her friend and Andrias takes advantage of that. It's still very unclear what his plans with her are, but that's just the other shoe waiting to drop.

214 - “The First Temple”

Marcy is wonderful. We see flashbacks through Anne's perspective as we see Marcy's issue of extreme hyper fixation not allowing her to pay attention to her surroundings. This was in "Marcy at the Gates", but it doubles down here. It even shows in the Temple where Marcy seems to be so into all the trials that she is unable to see the Plantars being squished, burned or smashed to pieces as a result.

I mentioned this as a comparison, but Marcy really does give up all her chances of recharging the Green gem just to save Anne and the Plantars. She gives up her hyper fixated goal just for them. Her extreme presence of empathy and care of Anne and the people who she may not have incredible emotional attachment to is what separates her from Sasha.

215A - “New Wartwood”

Directly after "The First Temple" with Marcanne development, absolutely no one saw this segment coming in hot as one of the gayest ones yet. It is an Anne and Marcy episode with a slight emphasis on Mayor Toadstool. I think I would have seen this episode as solidifying Anne and Marcy's friendship if not for that blush in the beginning of the episode. Marcy geeks out about the swamp Wartwood is built on top of, and Anne blushes at her asking for more info she learned in the town. If Anne and Marcy were "just friends" I don't think Anne would have blushed at Marcy geeking out about frog stuff. The only other times we've seen her blush is when she's embarrassed, and it doesn't seem like that's her emotional state at that moment. You could just brush it off and say its an error, but there's no way that's an error. It went through production and post-production and was locked in! There's no way that's an error!!

216 - “Toad to Redemption” + “Maddie & Marcy”

Not a lot to say here, but this is important. These two episodes are directly after "Return to Wartwood" and a while after "The First Temple". Each segment features Anne and Marcy having their own adventures, and their stories can be separate from one another. In "Toad to Redemption", Anne is helping Mayor Toadstool remain the Mayor of Wartwood and not become the head of the Southern Toad Tower. In "Maddie and Marcy", Marcy is helping Maddie with reviving a pet to life. Both Anne and Marcy are key players this season, but they each play a supporting role to people they didn't really talk to or meet previously in these segments. This shows their independence from one another, and that my friends is the sign of a healthy relationship!

217 - “The Second Temple” + “Barrel’s Warhammer”

Buckle up folks, the Sashannarcy segment we've been waiting for.

"The Second Temple" has a focus of Marcy and Anne, but more specifically Anne since this Temple was her trial. Still not sure of the exact location of the temple, but it's fine. The trials show Anne and how she cares about the people around her, how she is the "heart" of the group, and her growth from Season 1 up until that point. The deep love she has, especially at the end where she gives up charging the gem midway to save her friends who are screaming.

"Barrel's Warhammer"... yikes. This segment is perhaps the biggest insight into Sasha's psyche we've seen. In comparison to Marcy who gives up what she hyper fixates upon for the people around her, Sasha is persistent and attaches her worth to her goal. She does not like failure or losing, and I think that shows in this segment. This shows her absolute fear of abandonment and desire for complete control (which we'll talk more about in "Battle of the Bands") over the situations around her, which causes for unsympathetic actions and negative repercussions of the people around her. This episode (very late into the season) just highlights Sasha's journey further and what she needs to work on. It's not Anne and Marcy for leaving her: it's her. Her tunnel vision is shoving them away.

218B - “The Third Temple” - This episode made me feel so down on shipping. Like it’s a great episode over all, but what it means for the Season 2 finale is... angsty. Sasha fake apologises to Anne in order for her and Grimes to enter Newtopia safely for the invasion. Just as much as she understands she is doing it, her slight look of conflicted feelings at the end of this segment really does showcase how even she is unsure if she should go on with this. Sasha really does not deserve Anne and Marcy, and I think she knows it too.

219 - “The Dinner” + “Battle of the Bands”

The biggest disconnect Sasha provides is that she believes after they get the Toads to invade Newtopia, she can get her friendship with Anne and Marcy back "under control". Which I believe is the friendship they had back when they were on Earth. Sasha didn't realise how much Marcy and, more specifically, Anne had changed in their time in Amphibia. Sasha is really the only person who hasn't changed nor made solid emotional attachments to anyone other than Grimes. Anne and Marcy grew, while Sasha didn't. "The Dinner" just proves that where she is unable to have her feelings of being other-ed in their relationship. I think Sasha's fear of missing out, and not being the centre of their relationship just plays into her "Barrel's Warhammer" insecurities and problems.

While "Battle of the Bands" shows her need to be in control of everything and everyone around her, even with her realising it's very tiring. She doesn't like mindless people (like Toadie) who obey her every command, she likes the challenge of controlling people into submission. Which is very bad, but I think by the end when she plays the song she realises it's okay to let loose with help from Toadie. Even at the end when the three of them lose to Grimes, she realises that it was more fun to play with Anne and Marcy with a silly, heartfelt song instead of making it perfect and winning with a controlled performance. By the end, Sasha is controlling them because she does have the plan to invade Newtopia with Grimes. But this is just the calm before the storm.

TL;DR - I don’t think a relationship can healthily start in the finale, especially with the Sasha betrays Anne and Marcy betrays Anne plots both coming to a head. There’s no way that Sasha is going to be an immediate better person and get into a relationship with Anne and/or Marcy. There is a logic to them starting the relationship, but I don’t think it’s gonna be this season. Instead, I could see perhaps a declaration of love or some kind of coming out scene happening where someone confesses their love to the other. I don’t come to this show for shipping, but there is a logical through line as a connection to the overall story which could culminate in romance.

Either way, lemme know your thoughts and ideas! No shipping wars in the comments please, but do tell what you think? Is it happening? Is it not? Are we going to be explicit in canonising (by that I mean a confession of love or something) or saving it for Season 3? As always, let me know your thoughts!

[theonlygamergost]

Friendship disguised as rivalry - Seaside!au

It isn’t Gost if she doesn’t think about something and the writes about it, so here I am, making an au and writing a fanfic about it.

I haven’t written in a while and this was beta-read by me, so sorry for any errors. 

Seaside!Dspm au is a fanmade au by me where the members work at a sea housebath called, “Seaside”, here is the original concept, might wanna read it for context.

~~~~~~~

Dream accidentally says that ‘He’s better than Techno’, so they hold a Sky surf race to see if he’s right.

~~~~~~~

Warning! This contains swearing!

Enjoy~

It had been a windy day, no doubt, the sky had been coloured by the plastic Sky surf kites floating around, sometimes it blew Wilbur’s mind that at the end of each one, there was a person, surfing away. The sunset could be admired perfectly from the counter of the bar, and because they were so close to closing time, he had time to admire it slowly, “I’m happy Dream’s and Sapnap’s course is going well” Ranboo approached the counter and left off a tray with dirty glasses, Wilbur hummed in reply. The younger boy, leaned on the counter himself and had to cover his eyes from the blinding light, “Niki came by and told me they had to call Tommy and Karl to help because of how many people there were”. The musician sighed and stretched before placing what Ranboo had brought inside the dishwasher, “They got lucky that there was a lot of wind today, perfect to launch off the activity” a little breeze passed right at that moment, both of the boys smiled at the timing.

A ring of a bell snapped Ranboo out of his thoughts, “Whoops, that's for me!” and hurried to the kitchen. Just as he left, Wilbur realized that loud laughter was coming his way, and when he turned to see who it was, he was welcomed by the “Dream team”, Tommy, Karl and Technoblade, all of them had slightly damp shirts and a towel, “The best thing is that the wind was in his favour and still lost!” Karl exclaimed and the rest apart Dream started laughing, “I’m sorry Dream but he beat you faire and square” George placed a hand on the blondie’s shoulder who immediately shrugged it off, “I don’t need you to remind me” he rolled his eyes, Tommy laughed once again, “What Dream?” Sapnap hit him with his elbow, “Is the little piss baby too angry to admit defeat?” The rest of the boys laughed, “Guys please stop, it isn’t funny” he crossed his arms, Techno spoke up, “Yeah guys, give him a break, it isn’t nice to rub salt in the wound, he knows he’s a sore loser” a bright smile and mischievous eyes looked at Dream, “Oh fuck off Techno” the blondie surrendered and leaned on the counter, Wilbur welcomed him with a smile, “Let me guess, they’re making fun of you because you called yourself ‘Better than Techno’, ey?” Dream nodded, sitting in one of the high stools at the counter, everyone did the same, dropping off the backpacks at their feet. Tommy slammed his hand on the counter, “Will you should have been there! Techno was a disadvantage the WHOLE time and fucking killed it!” The pink-haired man cracked a little smile, flattered to see the little blondie so excited about his win.

Wilbur grabbed six glasses and placed them in front of each boy, pouring water in all of them, Sapnap and Tommy chugged them so he had to refill them instantly, “Well now I’m curious, tell me how the race went” George giggled just thinking about the events that went down not too long before, “I’ll tell him!” Karl exclaimed, and started narrating.

_____________________

On Phil’s recommendation, Dream and Sapnap, both Sky surf instructors, had put up an event where from two pm until five-thirty pm, with a small cost, you could Sky surf for thirty minutes with the establishment’s equipment, and if you didn’t know how to do it, they could teach you pretty easily. The idea was nice, both men were down to do so, and the day was pretty windy, they were expecting a maximum of six, seven people as soon as they opened, not twelve. Pretty early they called Karl to come help them with the event, an hour later they also had to call Tommy because they really had underestimated how many people would be interested. So the afternoon was going well, something about thirty people showed up in the end and everyone was tired, thank god the two helpers were around that day.

As everyone was getting back to shore, Techno, who had left Jack on lifeguard duty, dropped by to see how it was going, “I’m glad Phil’s idea took off” Dream was knelt folding the kites, he smiled at the pink-haired man, “Yeah, I mean when did Phil’s ideas not take off” Techno smiled, he was right, Phil always had the best ideas, “Are you tired yet?” The blondie got up and shook his head, “Nah, had to stay on land for most of the time, Sapnap and Tommy handled the sea part” he placed the kite in its respective backpack and grabbed the board and strings, “Would you be down for a race? Voices says that you’re better than me and I’d like to prove them wrong”.

Dream cringed, a couple of days ago, out of pure adrenaline from winning a race with the ‘Dream Team’ he had yelled that ‘He was better than Techno’, he didn’t mean it, Techno and he had was a mutual rivalry with a shared skill level, their only difference was Dream knew how to exploit the winds currents to go faster, Techno had more experience on surfing in general, so he had better balance, knowledge on how to control the kite and had an extreme precision when jumping, you couldn’t tell which one was better. “Ah… that… Yeah, s-sure! I’ll give you a chance” Dream stuttered, he was sure the pink-haired man knew he was the one who said that and yet, Techno smiled, as nothing happened. “I’ll go grab my equipment then, see you at the starting point” and so he turned around and headed off to the lifeguard chair. Dream sighed, “Oh what have I done...” he was already a little sore, mostly his arms, but Techno was ready to go and completely fresh, knowing the man, he was going to give it his all.

“Hey Dream what are you standing there for?! There are still things to put away!” Sapnap approached him, slapping his hand on Dream’s shoulder, he flinched, “I have done a mistake” he turned to look at the man with the black hair, he tilted his head in confusion, “What did you do?” Dream sighed once again, “I woke up the sleeping pig...”. Sapnap blinked, and upon realizing what Dream had said-

“Holy shit dude... KARL! TOMMY!” he immediately shouted back to the other two boys helping some people off their gear, running towards them, “TECHNO AND DREAM ARE HAVING A RACE!!!” at this point all he could do was sigh for the third time as yells of excitement came from behind him, he stared out at the sea, this was going to be a difficult one.

____________________________

After they inflated the kites, slipped into their suits and laid out the strings, they were ready to go, “Ladies and gentlemen! A race between the best Sky surfers of the Seaside bathhouse is about to begin!” George talked through the megaphone, gaining the attention of the bathers, Dream started to feel the familiar adrenaline of being the centre of attention. “Please stay clear of the start/arrival and the path of the race!” He spoke again, looking back at Techno, Tommy was childishly jumping around him, probably spouting encouragements, like Techno even needed them.

“Hey dude, good luck” Sapnap approached him and smiled, Karl also waved his hands around, giving him a thumb up, “YOU CAN DO IT DREAM!!!” He shouted from next to Niki, that happened to come and watch, he felt a little reassured by the positivity. Right before they started, George whispered him a “Good luck” and smiled before speaking back into the megaphone, “The contenders will have to get into the water, circle the buoy in the distance and get back to shore, the first one to complete the course will be the winner!” After a deep sigh, he signalled Karl to let go of his kite, Techno did the same to Tommy, “Dream, Technoblade, that the best may win, good luck to both” the contenders nodded to George’s wishes, “You scared Dream?” The pink-haired man had tied his long hair into a pigtail, Dream scoffed, “I should ask the same to you!” The other man smiled, “Good luck green man”, he nodded.

“On your marks… Ready… Set…GO!!!” George gave the go, both men ran into the waves and hopped on their boards, the race was on.

Techno started surfing first but Dream passed him quite early, calculating how the wind went, his usual competitive technique should have worked just fine, and it did, he was the first one to circle around the buoy, Techno had lost a lot of ground, they were both too far way too hear the people cheering on the shore.

The wind picked up, Dream took it as a good opportunity to increase his speed, and so he did, kneeling a little. He could feel the adrenaline rise as the people were becoming bigger and clearer to see.

Well, that was until his rival surpassed him with a long jump, the happiness disappeared and got replaced with fear: It was Techno’s speciality, jumping a very long distance even without a favourable wind.

As the man got further away from him, he started calculating how he could gain back some ground: Jumping was out of the question, the wind would have knocked him in the wrong direction, how the hell did Techno do it? The best option was to follow the wind as much as possible and correct the trajectory manually, it was all he could do.

But not long after a dozen of meters, Techno jumped again, and of course skipped a long distance, getting him an irrecoverable distance from Dream. It was over, no way he was getting this, the adrenaline started to decrease as Techno got on land, a loud cheer announced his defeat.

___________________________________

“Ey! Good job Techno!” Wilbur shook the man a little, gaining a smile. “Dream did very well too, he had an impressive advantage at the start” George looked at the blondie, they both smiled, Dream felt lucky that his ‘Team’ had his back. “EWWW! Get a room you two!” Tommy yelled out, making everyone laugh,

“HEY GUYS!!!” They all turned to see Quackity wave at them from the other side of the bar, “We’re playing darts! Who doesn’t join is a pussy!” Tommy and Sapnap jumped off the stool immediately, “As if I wouldn’t join!” The one with the white bandana stated, George giggled and also hopped off, “Yeah sure, wait until I destroy you, then you wish you hadn’t joined” Quackity laughed, “Yeah, sure Gogy!” Karl followed the group, “I’ll cheer you all on!”.

As they got further away, Techno turned to Dream, “Thank you for the race by the way” Dream snapped his gaze at him, “Huh?” the man smiled, “You know there can’t be a better one between us, you have multiple recent gold medals and I have old gold medals. Plus, who cares? I just enjoy racing with someone of my skill level” Dream smiled, “Don’t get soft on me Techno” The pink-haired man smiled, “What, can’t handle compliments?” They both laughed, cheering at their rivalry-friendship.

Ranboo shook Wilbur’s shoulder and whispered, “Weren’t they supposed to be enemies?” the older one turned away from the small glass they were looking through, “Nah, Techno and Dream have always been great friends, they just don’t know how to express gratitude well, so they fight instead” Wilbur went on to help Fundy with the appetizer for the darts contest, Ranboo let out an “Oh…” and then followed Wilbur, leaving the two men alone to chat.

[rainbowcarousels]

I don't know how interesting this is going to be but I started to answer a comment on the latest JBSWM from @zanahoriabaila and realised I actually kind of want to talk more depth about the subject so I'm going to post it up here. Between talking a little about Genesis especially on twitter and briefly talking a couple of chapters ago about Sephiroth, it's kind of all been ruminating into something meta that borders on a directors commentary.

Again, how come your Genesis always spews all the stuff I think?

This is absolutely something I do with my version of Genesis on the regular and there's a few different reasons why he’s my character of choice for uncomfortable examinations of stuff.

 Cut for discussion of fic, canon, trauma and interrelationships with everyone!

The first reason is the Eve symbolism that comes with Genesis as a character. There's a decent bit of it with Genesis (much like Aerith) when you consider his name, his limit break, his carrying around of the forbidden fruit and the look of the Goddess statue and in CC canon, he is the first person to tell Sephiroth about what Jenova is. As such, giving a lot of the harder hitting commentary to Genesis feels natural because he is good at weaponising knowledge.

It also makes more sense out of AGS to give it to him because of each of their interactions with how knowledge effects them. The revelation of the Jenova Project in general (I hope!) illustrated this pretty well in that Angeal takes in knowledge and then thinks about what he should say or do or feel about it and it impacts it greatly. Sephiroth takes in the knowledge and tries to analyse and categorise because exploring how he feels emotionally about something is really difficult for him and unless it's pertinent, he just doesn't address it in terms of how to feel about it. Genesis in contrast to both goes instantly to what he is feeling in the moment and it fuels his decisions and choices.

Angeal's issue comes when what he should feel and what he does feel are so at odds that he can't reasonably justify how he feels and he's been going through a lot of that since he doesn't want to think ill of his mother, he does not want to consider that his father might have lied to him and he absolutely does not want to think about Hollander at all. His sense of honour is wrapped up in family, in the idea that he pulled himself up to get where he is with hard work and determination and that he does make a positive difference and he's just...completely lost right now emotionally because he can't reconcile his feelings with what he thinks he should feel.

Sephiroth's comes when something is emotive and he can't pick it apart and make sense of it through physical and observable changes. I think this probably comes from spending his childhood as a lab specimen so he knows how to report things that are observable and that emotions are too subjective so he doesn't include them. Then getting thrust into war, he also learns to describe himself by a physical status report. Zack gives him one based on how he is physically because he knows this is how Sephiroth is. The problem for him and the reason he is as noted by the same comment so detached is because he just doesn't really process anything emotional in any significant way, which is why as noted in one of my much earlier chapters, he struggles with saying 'I love you' because it's pure emotion and he tries to show it in his own way instead.  

Then you have Genesis who runs on his emotions and experiences like they're fuel. There's a throwaway line in Don't You Know My Name about how Genesis doesn't so much like or dislike things as he dismisses or obsesses over them and because of that, he has the nastiest tunnel vision and comes across as self centred. He likes to write his own narrative in a way that makes sense to him based on what information he has and how he feels about it. There's a line in the song from JBSWM's title song that says 'judgment made can never bend' and I think this is part of Genesis struggling more with Zack's inclusion into their relationship with Cloud because he formed his own opinions on Cloud and Zack is Angeal's little puppy he's been hearing about for years. It's hard to shift perspectives for him.

Zack and Cloud have their own relationships with truth and feelings but Gast is history for AGS. So onto Gast, because that the subject being discussed in the chapter. It's not something new, if I go by my own timeline, Genesis and Angeal have known since they were 15 about a decent chunk of what happened as Sephiroth's background and Angeal comes down hard on the 'respect what Sephiroth feels even if it's not entirely accurate because it's important to him' side and Genesis comes down on the 'This was bullshit and Sephiroth needs to know it was bullshit regardless of how attached he is to the memory of Gast because he needs to deal with it'.

Zack and Cloud are just forming their opinions and it'll happen over a few chapters, but Zack is far more emotion based but he also has rose coloured glasses and if there is an upside, he will find it. Cloud, growing up feeling angry and isolated and idolising Sephiroth, kind of has a similar way of coping as him in that he has this idea he can't be openly emotional or vulnerable because he'll get hurt but he also isn't about to pull any punches either. It should make for interesting interaction hopefully.

I think Sephiroth is more knowledgeable than he realises in that he quickly guesses from Genesis being willing to share that they are in the 'experimented on parents' club that this is colouring some of his interaction here. He backs down earlier when the subject comes up, not because he thinks he's wrong but he's not pushing that hard because as much as it comes from a place where he's sad and angry that this terrible thing happened to someone he loves, he can rationalise backing down because his feelings are second hand. Except now they're not. While Angeal and Sephiroth can look at their parents to some degree and assign some kind of blame (and Cloud can from being victimised), he can't because he doesn't know who his parents are or what the circumstances were but Gast was the head of the department when this crap went down so he is a prime target for someone to be furious at.  

These guys spent their teenage years building coping mechanisms based on battlefield experience, it's probably not a surprise Sephiroth is practical and tries to funnel it into something productive, Angeal tries to find the honourable method of dealing with it in the way he's supposed to and Genesis just wants someone, anyone appropriate to unleash all of that emotion on. I'd also argue that Zack tries to apply it to being the best hero he can be even though he was doing a lot of pretty unhero-like things and Cloud was cannon fodder, it's no surprise his sense of worth is in the toilet and he can't really grasp the idea of being special.

Someone described JBSWM as five broken people trying to make each other whole and I don't think it's exactly right, but it is close. It's five people trying to figure out a way to live with a shit ton of trauma and a lot of it is trauma they're complicit in which is really difficult to work through given all time and resources let alone trying to deal with Shinra at the same time. 

This kind of brings me back to why Genesis is often the pushing person in the relationship and why he's not always right to do it.

As horrible as the Project G revelations are, it's not the same as growing up in the way Sephiroth (and in some ways, Aerith) did and he has the coping mechanisms he has for good reasons. He needs to have this idea of Gast as this good person who tried to be good to him but died because the alternative is Gast wandered off the moment he wasn't as interesting anymore and left him (in JBSWM's timeline at around the age of 4) to try and survive it by himself. He's already lost this perfect idea of a mother by having the 'L' put there and all SOLDIERs having JENOVA on their files and he's kind of desperately clinging onto something good because he hasn't really thought about what a lot of it would look like to someone coming in now until Cloud started to ask about it and had enough first hand experience to know it was really messed up. He can justify it as Gast was the better scientist, the better man, the better influence for him but if you start taking that away, it puts him in the position of being victimised and abused and that's all there is and I don't think he knows how to even begin to process that. As @aimeelouart pointed out, if he thinks about it or talks about it with any perspective, he would have to acknowledge he is traumatised and a large part of his identity has been built on his own invincibility. How can he be traumatised if that’s so?

The flipside of it being that I don't think any of them understood fully in a conscious way what happened with Sephiroth’s childhood until they saw it up close and personal with Cloud and even if it's coming from Genesis (dude is loud), Angeal is also pissed off and furious that it's just as bad as they thought it might be but could never be sure because they've only ever seen the aftermath and he does not talk about it. Zack got it all in one, he heard about it and saw it and is trying to deal with that but for Genesis and Angeal, it's festered for a decade and since no one save for maybe Zack has ever met a single healthy coping mechanism, it goes out as Angeal being cautious and letting Sephiroth set his own pace and Genesis going no, this is important, you have to confront this because if it hurts them from just caring about him and realising how bad it was, if Sephiroth some day realises how awful it was, he's going to just...shatter or explode and they'll lose him and even if he struggles to express it sometimes, he does love him dearly and like with Cloud, he wants him to figure out what will make him happy and it doesn’t seem like he’ll feel happy until he can stop blocking out what he’s feeling on instinct as some leftover coping mechanism. Cloud having to deal with his own lab trauma just brings it to the forefront and Genesis is not wasting the opportunity.

The thing is I don't think he's wrong about it because I think Alien Demi-god Sephiroth and Sane Sephiroth are two sides of the exact same person. There's hints of it here and there, but I think one of the biggest ones is he's very possessive and it took Hojo crossing the line and almost killing Cloud when he was beginning to grow attached to him to get him to move out of his holding pattern. In a way, this can also be traced all the way back to Gast and the idea of his mother because it's this almost childlike view that when he's attached to someone, they leave and it hurts so the obvious answer is make it so they can't leave or in the case of canon, try to push them to come back. I genuinely do not think Jenova knew what they were getting themselves into with him because they were like 'hey I could be your mom' and got absolutely swallowed by someone who was hurting, desperate for connection and just So Fucking Done with all of it until his will overrode theirs and he was never, ever going to be alone again because the entire planet would be reborn as part of him. 

Not the direction I'm going with JBSWM, they have some things they need to work on with each other but they are together and leaving Shinra was as close to a statement of commitment as you can get. With Midgar behind them and a chunk of their identity and dreams left with it, trying to face those uncomfortable truths will be hard for everyone and as much as Genesis puts it out there, he’ll struggle with his own too because if they have to deal with their shit, so does he. 

[jeremys-blogs]

Villainess: Isekai and Harems Done Right

If you were to look at the anime industry as a whole, you'll probably find that two genres, above all, hold massive sway over the medium. The harem comedy, where the main protagonist is the centre of affection for everyone around them, and the Isekai (or person stuck in another world) genre, where our hero much contend with a new and often dangerous environment. The number of shows and movies centred around these two overall genres has been truly staggering, and I, as someone who was right there at the time anime started getting big here in the UK in the 90s, has seen more than his fair share of those works. But while I may have certain nostalgic fondness for particular titles, harem comedies like Tenchi Muyo or Isekai outings like Vision of Escaflowne, I can't deny that, for the most part, the genres simply haven't grabbed me. Oh, I'll enjoy a good fantasy adventure or comedy as much as the next guy, but suffice to say that few have ever managed to really grab or entertain me as much as I'd like them to. That is, until very recently, when I happened upon a title from earlier this year. My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom!

The story of this one is that a young girl, having recently passed away, finds herself reincarnated into the world of one of her favourite video games. However, to her horror, she discovers that the character she's been reincarnated as is none other than the childhood version of the game's central antagonist, Catarina Claes. Realising that fate has nothing but either death or exile in store for her, our protagonist endeavours to do everything in her power to ensure that she avoids the terrible ending this character is meant to face. And so she goes about, forming positive relationships with those Catarina was supposed to have enmity and rivalry with, including the game's designated main character, Maria. The result of all of this is that, by the time the characters have all grown up and started the time period in which the game was properly set, all of them have become completely different people to the ones the protagonist remembers, and more than that, they've all gone from being potential romantic options and/or rivals for Maria, and instead all fallen in love for Catarina instead, with Maria herself most definitely included in that. So while she may have avoided her scripted doom, Catarina now has a whole mess of other problems to deal with as a consequence of her meddling in the events of the story.

So, as you can probably tell from that synopsis, Villainess is a combination of both Isekai and harem comedies, and as I said before, I've enjoyed it far more than most entries in either genre. There's probably a whole slew of reasons as to why this is, but one of the main points that really interested me was how it basically undermines a lot of the tropes that characterises both types of story. Isekai, for example, is often used as a power fantasy, to give the audience a feeling of escapism into a world where they're suddenly a hero or more capable than they otherwise would have been. Villainess does away with that in a big way. Because not only is Catarina not the hero of the story, or at least not the one the game wanted as a hero, but she's also pretty incompetent in most things she tries her hand at. Combat, magic, no matter what it is she just can't do well at any of it. So this is by no means a power fantasy where the main character is just completely OP and rises to every challenge. And like many a great comedy before it, haplessness certainly adds to the laughs you'll be getting, and trust me, there are more than a few.

And on the harem comedy side of things, Villainess buffs tradition by having the harem in question portrayed with nary an ounce of raunchiness to it. Anyone with even a passing familiarity with this particular genre will know that a lot of it functions as a quick and easy way to excite and entice its respective audiences. And their casts are women and men presented with impossibly stunning figures and abs as far as the eye can see to, again, fulfill the fantasies of those watching. Sexiness and risque imagery is the order of the day for most harem anime, so Villainess distinguishes itself quite a bit by being pretty much completely devoid of that sort of thing. Oh, the show is filled with beautiful ladies and handsome dudes, don't get me wrong, and I would not blame anyone for looking at any of the girls and guys in this one and falling for them, but not once will you ever find any of them shown in any kind of objectifying way that so many other harem characters tend to be. No beach or pool episodes to show off some skin, nobody unexpectedly walking in when someone is changing, none of it. This is, quite possibly, the least sexualised harem anime in history, and I adore it for that.

But like any truly great show, it's all for naught if your main character isn't a good one, and I'm happy to say that Villainess absolutely shines in this regard. While most isekai and harem shows will follow the trend of making their central figure something of a tabula rasa (or "blank slate") for the audience to project onto, Catarina has a very well-defined personality. She's optimistic, friendly, nice to everyone she meets, and she has absolutely zero sense of social grace when it comes to the high-class situation she's found herself in. And unlike, say, in other harem comedies where the central lead is so without personality that you can never understand why so many other characters fall for them, here you know exactly why. Catarina is, by far and a way, the nicest person any of these other men and women have ever known, and through her they've become better people than they would have otherwise been, and even if she's unable to really spot their feelings, she's too endearing for any of them to really be bothered by it. She's probably the best character in the entire cast, and that alone is noteworthy, as the number of anime I've seen where the main character was also my favourite could be counted on one hand and still leave me with fingers to spare.

Now, a harem comedy is, after all, a comedy, so while this praise I've been giving is all well and good, it all needs to be in service of entertaining us. And I'm happy to report that Villainess is very capable on that front. Now, these might not be the raucous, laugh-out-loud guffaws that you'd find is some of the more absurdist comedies in the medium, but there are still plenty of great laughs to be had. Catarina, being the aforementioned loveable doofus that she is, is the chief source of most of the humour in this story. As someone reincarnated from another world, she's completely at odds with the stuffy, reserved mannerisms that tend to be shown by aristocratic characters. She speaks her mind, she acts in ways that her peers would never think to act in a million years and she's so blunt and forward in what she does and what she wants that she's more akin to a typhoon, a disruptive and chaotic element introduced into this quiet and keep-it-to-yourself world. Now, acting out of step with those around you is a tried-and-true method of comedy, but damn if it doesn't work really well here. And of course, it certainly doesn't hurt that Catarina will have her occasional moments of amusing panic whenever she enters a situation that she think will lead to her character's scripted doom ending.

When it comes to anime as a whole, there are some things that just instantly click with me more than others. Humour, wholesomeness, niceness. These are the things I look out for and which I find the most enjoyment. Villainess covers all of these and more, and does it in such a way that it stands out as perhaps the best of its two primary genres that I've seen in some time. A harem where the romance, rivalry and attraction is all subtle and understated, and an isekai where the protagonists gets by not because of great power and skill but because of genuine kindness and a desire to be friends with those around her. Stakes might rise up in the latter half of the show, but on the whole this anime just ticks all of my personal boxes for an easygoing ride. Is it the funniest or the best-animated? No, nor do I think it's going to be winning any wards in that regard, especially with big comedies like Konosuba or animation giants like Tower of God to contend with. But if all you want is a nice and gentle twelve-episode anime, then look no further than this charming outing, headed by one of the most likeable anime leads I've seen in far too long a time 🥰

[cyborgsquirrel]

Sanctuary: Chapter 24

Pairing: Wolfstar

Summary: The epic tale of Remus Lupin and Sirius Black, from their first meeting until their happily ever after.

Link to Prologue

Link to All Chapters

Link to story on AO3

Friday, 17th December 1971, 6:00 pm Two hours after James left the note for Dumbledore, Remus and the other Marauders took their seats in the Great Hall. James was still pouting about his pink robes, but the anticipation of the event to come seemed to take the edge off his bad mood. Though, he kept scowling at Sirius, which was entertaining. James refused to believe that Remus had anything to do with it.

The noise level was deafening, the students were in high spirits with the end of term and the excitement of presents to come, but it had been two weeks since the full moon, so his ears weren't as sensitive as they had been at Halloween. He might actually be able to enjoy himself. Hagrid had outdone himself with the decorations. Twelve enormous Christmas trees adorned the Great Hall--thankfully there was still plenty of room for their ice sculptures--and mistletoe and holly were spread throughout the castle. Professor Flitwick had enchanted the suits of armour to sing Christmas carols. James and Sirius had asked him if he could work out how to change the words, but he hadn't tried very hard at that assignment before informing them he couldn't do it. He'd been concerned about what words they might choose instead. When Dumbledore entered and took his seat, they all watched him closely. He raised an eyebrow when he spotted the note, and they saw him pick it up and open it. A few moments passed as he read before he smiled and glanced out at the students, giving a very tiny nod. He would do it. As the Feast wore on his friends became more and more jittery. By the time dessert appeared, they were balls of nervous energy. 'Will you three calm down, you're going to give us away,' Remus whispered, leaning across the table. 'What if we messed something up?' Peter said. Remus shook his head. 'We didn't. Everything will go according to plan. You know how much we practised. Stop worrying.' When everyone was finished with dessert and the tables were cleaned of dishes, Dumbledore stood up and cleared his throat. Throughout the hall, heads turned to look at him and silence fell. 'Now that we are all fed and watered, I have a few end-of-term notices. The train will leave Hogsmeade station at eleven o'clock. Everyone who is going home for the holidays, and those that wish to see them off, must be ready in the Entrance Hall at ten. The return train will leave Kings Cross at eleven o'clock on Saturday, the first.' He paused and picked up the Marauders note from the table. 'I have also received a mysterious note. It's from the people who call themselves the Hogwarts Marauders---' Dumbledore was interrupted by cheering, foot-stamping and hooting. He calmly waited for the students to settle down before he continued. 'I will read it to you: Dear Professor Dumbledore. We have prepared an evening of revelry as a Christmas gift to the school. We did not wish to interrupt the delicious feast, so lovingly crafted by our beloved house-elves, and so we ask if you would kindly begin the evening's festivities at the appropriate time. Before you say the phrase at the bottom of this note, please ask all the students to gather in the middle of the room. We assure you that we have accounted for every safety precaution.' Professor Dumbledore looked up from the note. 'And then they've signed it, lots of love and a Happy Christmas from The Hogwarts Marauders. Isn't that sweet?' The hall erupted with laughter. James looked at him and Sirius, aghast. 'We didn't write "lots of love," did we?' 'No,' Sirius said, laughing. 'He's trying to embarrass us.' Remus chuckled. 'Sneaky. He'll have to try harder than that to figure out who we are.' 'So, if you could all follow the instructions and gather in the middle of the room,' Dumbledore said when the noise had died down. When everyone was in position, Dumbledore clapped his hands together and said in a booming voice, 'Let's get this party started, my dudes!' The Marauders--along with most of the students--burst out laughing. They had only written, "let's get this party started." Dumbledore was such a good sport. The first thing to happen was three enormous bowls of water and four crystal balls appearing on each of the House tables. The students all glanced at each other, confused. The bowls, ever so slowly, floated into the air and to the edges of the room, landing gently and not spilling a single drop of water. The crystal balls soared up high until they were near the ceiling. They began to spin fast and coloured lights blazed to life inside them, sending moving, multi-coloured rays spinning and darting around the room. Next, the water in the bowls rose into the air, twisting itself into different shapes as it changed colour, and hardened to ice. There were three crimson and gold lions, three blue and bronze eagles, three yellow and black badgers and three green and silver snakes, all in different poses. With their burdens lifted, the House tables moved themselves to the edges of the room. Once in place, they filled with an array of finger foods and large bowls of fruit punch. The floor changed, beginning in the corners of the room and sweeping towards the centre to meet in the middle, under the feet of the watching students. The bare stone became a shining wooden dance floor. As warm, dry, enchanted snow started falling from the ceiling--appearing multi-coloured as the individual flakes were caught in the strobe lights from the spinning crystal balls--loud, thrumming music echoed from the surrounding walls. Everyone waited a moment to make sure the changes were finished, before breaking out in a round of applause and spreading out to explore. Remus looked around. Everyone was smiling, some were already dancing to the music, others were admiring the ice sculptures. Still more were helping themselves to fruit punch. The teachers were milling about, keeping an eye on everyone. Dumbledore had sat back down in his throne chair. When Remus met his eye, he beckoned. He walked over, a little nervous to speak to the headmaster. 'Mister Lupin. It's good to see you joining us in the Great Hall for meals. Have you overcome your fear?' Remus shook his head. 'No, sir, but I have very good friends who help me.' 'That's wonderful news,' Dumbledore said with a smile. 'Friends are what make life worth living, I find.' 'Yes, sir,' Remus said. Professor Dumbledore raised an eyebrow and gave him a meaningful look. 'Have you told them?' Remus' eyebrows shot up as his eyes widened. 'No! Of course not.' 'Don't be so quick to judge your friends unworthy of your trust, Mister Lupin. Mister Potter comes from quite a liberal family. He may surprise you. And Mister Black, well, he does not, but he seems determined to be the complete opposite of his ancestors.' Remus frowned. 'But, you said I mustn't tell.' Dumbledore inclined his head. 'I did. But if the time comes when you feel your friends can be trusted, then it is not up to me to stop you. It's your secret to keep or to share, not mine. However, I do ask that you let me know in advance. It may be necessary for me to... Intervene.' Remus nodded. 'Yes, sir,' he said. Though he had no intention of telling his friends anything. It just wasn't worth the risk. 'The reason I called you over here, though,'--Professor Dumbledore leant forward and spoke quietly--'was that I was hoping you would give me the incantation for this rather delightful snow. I want to make it a permanent part of the Christmas decorations.' 'Sir?' Remus asked, hoping he could bluff his way out. 'Oh, don't look so worried, Mister Lupin. Yes, I know you and your friends are the Marauders. You'll find very little gets past me. No, I won't tell anyone as long as you continue to be responsible with your mischief. I quite enjoy your displays. They show a lot of skill for ones so young.' Remus didn't know what to say. It was so unexpected. 'Thank you, sir?' he said at last, but it came out sounding like a question. 'You can thank me by giving me the spell,' Dumbledore said with a wink, his eyes twinkling. Remus gave him the incantation for the spell and returned to his friends to tell them what happened, minus the part about his lycanthropy. They moved to a secluded corner of the Hall to speak privately. 'So, he knows, but he's okay with it? We're not in trouble, and we don't have to stop?' James asked. 'Basically. Yes,' Remus said. James grinned. 'Brilliant.' 'What are you four doing whispering behind the Christmas tree?' Lily asked, appearing before them as if she'd learnt to apparate. 'I hope you're not planning to ruin this dance The Marauders organised. Why can't you be more like them? They don't hurt people.' James opened his mouth, but Sirius jumped in front of him and Peter grabbed the back of James' robes and tugged him away. 'Hello, Evans, we were just discussing the best way to get a Christmas gift to Snivellus. You wouldn't know his address, would you? We bought him a bottle of shampoo that's designed for extra-greasy hair.' 'Oh, you are horrid.' She turned away but glanced back over her shoulder at James. 'Nice robes, Potter,' she said sarcastically, looking him up and down. 'They suit you.' She tossed her hair over her shoulder before disappearing into the throng of dancing students. 'What did you do that for?' James asked after she left. 'You were about to tell her,' Sirius said. James crossed his arms. 'Do you have no faith in me?' Sirius shook his head with a smirk. 'Not when it comes to Evans, no.' James scowled at him and then glanced down at his robes. 'Do these robes really suit me?' 'No, mate. She was taking the piss,' Sirius said, laughing. James turned to Remus. 'What do you think?' James really could be dense at times. Did he really not recognise sarcasm? 'She was making fun of you.' 'Are you sure?' 'Yes!' all three of them said at the same time. 'Alright, no need to shout,' James said. -o-o-o-o- The next morning, the dorm was a wasteland of clothes as James and Peter frantically packed for the Christmas holiday, having left the job until the very last minute. Sirius lounged on his bed, feeling quite smug as he watched them race around the room, searching for their belongings. He glanced over at Remus, who was lying on his own bed reading a book and ignoring the commotion in the room entirely. Sirius envied him that ability. 'Sirius! Have you seen my robes? You know, the ones with the nice stitching?' James asked, searching through the mess of clothes on the floor. 'Nope,' Sirius said. 'We really need to get you two some muggle clothes,' Remus said without looking up from his book. James looked up and frowned. 'Why? What's wrong with robes?' Remus lowered his book and eyed James. 'Nothing is wrong with them. Muggle clothes just have so much more variety.' James' eyebrows knit together for a moment before his expression brightened. 'We can go shopping in the summer when you guys come to my house,' he said. 'You and Peter can teach me and Sirius how to dress like muggles.' Sirius pictured his mother's face if she saw him dressed like a muggle. She'd be furious. 'I'm in,' he said, grinning. Once James and Peter had finished packing, Sirius and Remus helped them carry their trunks down to the Entrance Hall and waited for the teachers to arrive. It was crowded. Around three-quarters of the school seemed to be going home, which was perfect for their plans. The quieter the castle was, the easier it would be to sneak around. The Heads of Houses arrived to escort the students to Hogsmeade station, and there was a lot of noise and commotion as they all boarded the carriages, which were being pulled by the creepiest-looking horses he had ever seen in his life. They were skeletal and had soulless white eyes that seemed to look right through him. 'What the hell are they?' Sirius asked with a shudder. James frowned at him. 'Carriages...' 'No, the things pulling the carriages.' 'There's nothing pulling them, Sirius. Are you feeling okay?' James looked at him with concern. James couldn't see them? He looked at Remus, but he just shrugged. Could nobody else see them? What if he was going mad? Was this the start of the famous Black insanity? Sirius decided just to ignore the things for now and worry about it later. 'Yeah, must have been a trick of the light or something. It's gone now,' he said. They boarded a carriage and trundled down to Hogsmeade station. Sirius hugged James and Peter goodbye, and Remus just waved. They both promised to uphold the good name of the Marauders over the holidays and waved the train off as it left. Remus waited until they were once again alone in the carriage before he broached the subject. Sirius was grateful for that, but he wished he wouldn't ask at all. 'What's pulling the carriages?' Sirius refused to meet Remus' eyes. 'I told you, it was nothing. I was seeing things.' Remus sat forward in his seat. 'Don't give me that rubbish. What's pulling the carriages, and why can't the rest of us see them?' He looked eager and excited, like they had discovered some great mystery that needed solving. Remus was such a nerd. 'You believe there's something pulling them then?' Remus shrugged. 'Of course. If you say you see something, I believe you.' Sirius got a funny feeling in his chest, which he chose to ignore. 'So what do they look like?' Remus asked. 'Like horses with wings, but skeletal. And they have big white eyes.' Sirius shuddered again when he remembered the eyes. 'Interesting.' Remus sat back in his seat and rubbed his chin. 'I'll have to do some research, see if I can find anything about them. I wonder why you can see them and the rest of us can't.' Sirius sat up straight. 'Oh no, you don't. You're not spending all holiday in the library. We have plans.' Remus waved his hand. 'I'll just check out some books and read them while you're painting. Or did you think I was just going to sit there and admire you?' Sirius laughed. 'Well, obviously. I'm so pretty,' he said, tossing his head to flip his hair around. 'Why wouldn't you want to sit and admire me for hours on end?' Remus chuckled. 'Oh, I don't know. Boredom?' 'Boredom? How could you be bored with me around?' He never got to hear Remus' response because at that moment the carriage rattled to a stop outside Hogwarts. The Christmas holiday had officially begun. Remus immediately disappeared off to the library to look for books about selectively invisible magical horses but promised he wouldn't be long. So he headed to the common room to wait for him and take advantage of the lack of students by grabbing the best seat in the room. Right in front of the fire. He sat down at one end of the squishy crimson sofa and swung his legs up, lying back with his head on the arm. Sirius was looking forward to having some decent time alone with Remus to properly get to know him. He had been such an important fixture in his mind for most of his life, and he more than lived up to expectations. Remus was brilliant, kind, brave and strong. Maybe in a different way to how he'd imagined, but that was irrelevant. The lycanthropy didn't matter to him. What mattered was how Remus handled it. And he handled it with a quiet strength that left him in awe. He only wished he could do more to help. When Remus returned from the library carrying a great stack of thick, heavy books which Sirius hastened to assist him with, they decided to go out in search of the Hufflepuff common room. James had left the invisibility cloak for them to use and they took it with them in case they found something. They had noticed the Hufflepuffs heading for the dungeons at the end of the day, so they wandered down to the lower levels. They searched for two hours with no luck before stopping by the kitchen for a bite to eat. The house-elves were happy to see them and plied them with sandwiches and cake until they could eat no more. They thanked the elves and left, continuing their search for a couple more hours before deciding to call it a day. They returned to Gryffindor tower disheartened but not defeated. They were sure they would find it soon. After dinner, Sirius collected his art set from the dorm and Remus grabbed his books before they walked the short distance to the beach-room and settled down on the sand. He set up his easel and removed one of the tiny enchanted canvases from the packet. Holding his palm out flat with the canvas in the middle, he tapped it with his wand and watched as it expanded to full-size, before placing it on the easel, ready to begin. Sirius worked steadily for an hour, transferring the scene before him to the canvas. He used his motion paint to bring the gently lapping waves to life and the colour changing paints to match the ever-changing colours of the sunset. He was just putting the finishing touches on the likeness of Remus--sitting on the sand with a pile of books beside him, his back to the viewer, his head bent over a thick volume, ignoring the beauty of the sight before him--when Remus glanced up. 'I think I've found something.' 'One minute, I just need to...' Sirius said, the tip of his tongue poking out from between his lips as he concentrated on getting the curls of Remus' tawny hair just right. 'There.' He stood back and admired the effect. It was magnificent, even if he said so himself. Remus stood and brushed the sand off his ass. 'Is it finished? Can I see?' Sirius nodded, and Remus walked over and gasped. 'It's beautiful,' he said, before cocking his head to the side. 'Did you have to put me in it, though?' 'Yes,' he said with a firm nod. 'Yes, I did. You make the picture complete.' He turned to face Remus. 'I want to do one with each of us. And then one with all four of us together.' 'That's a nice idea,' Remus said. He grinned. 'Anyway, what did you find?' Remus opened the book he was holding and showed him a sketch of the skeletal horses he'd seen pulling the carriages that morning. 'That's it,' Sirius said, staring at the page. 'That's what I saw. So I'm not crazy then?' Remus sat down on the sand, and he sat down next to him. 'No, you're not crazy,' Remus said. 'They're called thestrals, and they can only be seen by those that have seen death and accepted it.' He frowned. 'What does that mean?' 'Basically, it means you have to have seen someone die, have been deeply affected by the death and then come to terms with it.' 'I don't remember seeing anyone die,' he said. Remus stared out at the ocean for a few moments, apparently thinking. 'It could have been an animal,' he said eventually. 'One that you really loved?' 'Snuffles,' he whispered, staring at his hands. Remus turned to look at him. 'Pardon?' Oh, gods, that story would really bring down the mood. Best to say it as simply as possible. 'I used to have a dog, Snuffles. My mother killed him to punish me. I watched him die.' Remus covered his mouth with his hands. 'Merlin, Sirius. That's horrible. I'm so sorry,' he said. He lowered his hands. 'I wish I'd been there to help you.' Sirius smiled sadly at him. 'You were there. In my head, kicking the bitch in the shin. You did help.' Remus nodded. 'I'm glad,' he said. They sat in silence for a while, staring out at the waves breaking on the shore. He had no idea how long it had been when Remus checked his watch and jumped to his feet. 'We better go, it's almost curfew.' They gathered everything up and returned to the dorm. Sirius hung his painting on the wall between his and Remus's beds and stood back to admire it. 'It looks fantastic,' Remus said, coming to stand beside him. 'Thanks.' Sirius grinned at Remus before walking to his bed and lying down with his arms behind his head. Remus followed him. 'Scoot over.' Sirius shuffled over to make room, and Remus laid down next to him on his side. They were quiet for a minute before Remus broke the silence. 'It sounds like you had a pretty shitty childhood.' Sirius snorted. 'That's an understatement.' 'I can relate,' Remus said. 'I didn't have that great a time before coming to Hogwarts either.' Sirius turned onto his side to face him. Was he going to tell him? 'No? How come?' 'I don't think it was as bad as yours. I at least have my mum, and I know she loves me. But I'm pretty sure my dad hates me. He never speaks to me unless I ask him a question, and then he answers with as few words as possible.' 'I know how that feels,' Sirius said. 'I never went anywhere either. I didn't know anyone except my family. You guys are my first friends. That's probably why I'm a little weird.' 'You're mine too. Except for Reggie. And you're not weird. You're perfect.' Remus reddened and ducked his head, much to Sirius' satisfaction. It was getting harder to make him blush. Remus was getting used to him. Remus was quiet for a minute. 'I'm not perfect. But it's nice that you think so.' He was thinking about his lycanthropy again, Sirius was sure of it. Maybe a little nudge... 'What's wrong with you then?' Remus rolled onto his back and stared up at the canopy. He could almost see him thinking, and he held his breath. Not even daring to hope. 'I can't tell you,' Remus said after a few minutes had passed in silence. 'You don't trust me enough,' Sirius said quietly. Remus opened his mouth, but he didn't give him the chance to argue. 'It's fine. I get it. We've not been friends for long.' He paused. 'But I want you to know that, whatever it is, nothing could be bad enough to make me stop being your friend.' Remus turned back onto his side and searched his face. Sirius did his best to look as sincere as possible. 'You really believe that, don't you?' Remus asked, sounding surprised. 'Right down to my soul,' he said, placing a hand on his heart. Please tell me, please tell me, please tell me he chanted mentally, begging with his eyes. Remus rolled back onto his back. 'Maybe I'll tell you one day,' he said, at last, his voice quiet. Then he added in an even quieter voice as if speaking to himself, 'Maybe you'll even be right.' He tried not to be too disappointed. But if Remus didn't tell him soon, he might get fed up with waiting. It took them another two days of searching before they found the Hufflepuff's common room, under a pile of barrels in a shadowy recess near the kitchens. They were first suspicious when he tapped one of the barrels with his wand as they passed by and got soaked with a shower of vinegar. After both of them had received multiple vinegar showers courtesy of the barrels, they decided to lurk there under the cloak and wait to see if anyone turned up. They were waiting for nearly an hour and on the verge of giving up when a third-year Hufflepuff arrived and tapped one of the barrels in a distinct pattern: tap, tap, rat-a-tap. Sirius and Remus grinned at each other in triumph. They crept away to return later that night, while everyone was sleeping. -o-o-o-o- Letters sent during the first week of the Christmas holidays Saturday, 18th December Sirius and Remus, I hope you're having fun at Hogwarts. I asked Mum about having you all over in the summer and she said yes!!!! We need to pick a date; I was thinking around half-way through the holiday? I asked about the shopping trip too, and she said she would drop us in Diagon Alley and we could explore muggle London!!!! I'm so excited!!!! You can probably tell. It's nice to be home, but I miss you guys. Write back and tell me all your news! James Saturday, 18th December Peter, I hope you're having fun at home. I asked Mum about having you all over in the summer and she said yes!!!! We need to pick a date; I was thinking around half-way through the holiday? I asked about the shopping trip too, and she said she would drop us in Diagon Alley and we could explore muggle London!!!! I'm so excited!!!! You can probably tell. It's nice to be home, but I miss you guys. Write back and tell me all your news! James Sunday, 19th December James, Not much news here yet. I painted a picture of the sunset for the dorm. It has Remus in it being a nerd-- I wasn't being a nerd! Sorry, Remus snatched the quill. As I was saying, it has Remus in it being a nerd, and I want to do four more. One with each of us, and one with all four of us. Remus is trying to grab the quill ag-- Hi, James, I wasn't being a nerd; I was reading because watching Sirius paint is bor--- Watching me paint is not BORING! I'm excited your mum said yes about the sleepover and the shopping trip. I can't wait to get some proper muggle clothes. Mother will have a fit. Write again soon! Sirius and Remus Sunday, 19th December To James, Sirius and Remus, I'm just going to duplicate this, so I addressed it to all of you. I got home yesterday, and I'm already bored. Mum is making me help her clean the whole house to get ready for our relatives coming for Christmas. They're all muggles, so I can't talk about magic at all. I don't know what I'm going to say if they ask me about school. My mum said I can come for the sleepover as long as it's not the day of my birthday. She wants me home for that. Wish me luck with the muggle relatives, Peter Monday, 20th December Peter, That sucks! I can't imagine not being able to talk about magic. That must be so hard. I'm wishing you lots and lots of luck. I'm getting pretty bored too. I never realised before how quiet my house is. I don't have anything else interesting to say, so I'm going to sign off now. From one bored guy to another, James Monday, 20th December To The Marauders Chief Potioneer, We found it! We found the Hufflepuff common room! Mission back-to-school-surprise begins tonight. The Marauders Chief Artist and Chief Researcher & Safety Monitor Monday, 20th December To The Marauders Chief Imaginator, We found it! We found the Hufflepuff common room! Mission-back-to-school-surprise begins tonight! From, The Marauders Chief Artist and Chief Researcher & Safety Monitor Monday, 20th December To James, Remus and I have been very busy. We got soaked in vinegar, and we can't get rid of the smell no matter how hard we try. My hair is ruined! We've had two snowball fights, and I've painted another picture of the beach, the sunrise this time. Remus has been studying, he won't stop no matter how many times I tell him it's the holidays. Missing you, Sirius Hi James, I haven't been studying that much, only a little. Sirius forgot to tell you I won both of the snowball fights. He's insanely protective of his hair, and it puts him at a disadvantage. His paintings are lovely though. The new one has Sirius in it, staring out at the sea. It's very good. Can't wait for you to come back and take this maniac off my hands. Remus Wednesday 22nd December Sirius and Remus, Sorry I couldn't write back yesterday. My parents threw a party, and I had to be present. I'm sure you know how that is, Sirius. I can't believe you found it! No. That's wrong, I can believe it because you're both amazing. How is the mission going? ITS NEARLY CHRISTMAS! That is all, James P.S. How did you get soaked in vinegar? Wednesday, 22nd December Peter, Haven't heard back from you. Hope you haven't died from too much cleaning. James Thursday, 23rd December James, The mission is going well. We will complete the last phase tonight. You have my deepest sympathies on the parental party nightmare. I'm glad to hear you survived the ordeal. The vinegar soaking was related to the very secret discovery. We'll tell you all about it when you get back. IT'S EVEN MORE NEARLY CHRISTMAS. Sirius Hi James, Sirius is driving me crazy. Come back soon. That is all, Remus

Chapter 25

[bluebellhairpin]

Hush

Loki Laufeyson X Reader

A/N: Get ready for some angst my bro-dudes. Might be fluffy later. We’ll see how much of a bad author I’m feeling today. P.S. We’re bringing back the ‘Old Avengers’ (Thor=pop-tarts, Clint=air vents, etc), hope ya’ll don’t mind, I just really miss those days. - Nemo

Request: 44. "I don't sleep. My mind has a scary capability of being dark and demented." - "So you're scared of your own dreams?" - "Yes." — With Loki saying prompt. - @dicksoutformtl

Prompt: 44. "I don't sleep. My mind has a scary capability of being dark and demented." - "So you're scared of your own dreams?" - "Yes."

Warnings: Mentions of death, nightmares and PTSD. It’s only mild, but I thought I’d mention it just in case. Preparation is key folks.

Summary: Everyone knows Loki has done some bad things in his past, such bad things tend to stay with him for a lot longer then others might think. Lately the lingering thoughts have seeped into his dreams to give him restless nights. You, a new resident at the Avengers building, have noticed how he stays up later and it awake earlier than everyone else. So you decide to try and help the Prince by proving to him that your powers aren’t as lame as they sound.

Masterlist  

As a child, you were always quieter than other kids. It wasn’t a sort of disease, and it wasn’t even part of your abilities. It was just how you were.

Your father always told the story of you as a newborn. How a few hours after you’d been born your mother had a postpartum hemorrhage and had to be sent to a hospital with more qualified staff. That hospital was over three hours away from your hometown, and after you mother had been taken to the better hospital via helicopter, you and you father along with your grandmother and aunt were taken afterwards via car.

During that entire time, you were mostly passed through the care of your father and aunt, your grandmother looking after you when she wasn’t with her daughter. Even though most babies might have been crying, hungry, or distressed without their mother for almost a week, you were quiet, only ever making a fuss when it was the exact time you were to be fed, and even then you were still quiet.

You father always said it was like you knew the extent of the situation, that you crying would only make it worse on him and you mother.

You were discerning even as a baby, you knew when you needed to be quiet and when you needed to speak out.

You gained your abilities after a school excursion to a radiotherapy facility. The radiation that was being passed through parts of the building was something otherworldly. Out of your class, five people died, and the rest of you were under testing for the next two weeks for any side effects. They people testing you all were surprised to find there was no signs of cancer, but there was signs of other things.

One kid, name was Harold, got the ability of telekinesis. He was obsessed with magic back then, so you saw that his abilities linked with that. In fact, you found, everyone's abilities linked with their major interests or personality traits at the time.

Jannie got the ability to shape-shift, she was very insecure about her body, so she used it to make herself look better. Some days you wished you had her power instead.

Victor gained a perfect memory, he could remember everything from faces and names to entire dictionaries. He was the classes A+ Student, had been ever since.

Kandice was able to communicate to animals. She wanted to be a vet, and with her new ability she could get answers to questions right from the animals.

Others were able to excel in physical sports, lie without getting caught, freeze time so they could read more books, one could even lift entire buildings so she could be like Superman.

You often compared your abilities to that of the others. Since you were so quiet, you gained the ability to make other things quiet. You thought it was stupid. Why would anyone want to live in a world of silence? But then you found it was useful.

One particular day at school you walked passed a crowd, in the centre of it was Harold, of which had gone down a much darker path then simple hand magic, and a kid two years below you. The kid was helpless as Harold kept ‘grabbing’ his books and spraying them everywhere.

You sighed at the sight, thinking you could again do nothing as other walked on or stopped to laugh. But then in hit you.

You could make things quiet, thinks like music and talking, but what's to say you can’t do that to other things too? There’s that saying, ‘quiet mind’, maybe you could quiet Harolds mind so much his powers stopped working.

So you moved further into the crowd, closer to Harold, and focused on his head, right where his brain was. You didn’t know what you were doing, but you knew you needed to do it fast.

You soon found out that fast wasn’t the best, and that you had definitely not used you powers to that extent before. Within a few seconds of telling Harold’s mind to be ‘Silent’ he had dropped to the ground with a thud. His powers were no longer working, as was his mind.

You rushed over to him, not having meant to make him collapse, and rolled him over so he was facing the sky. His eyes were glasses over with a white gloss, they couldn’t seem to find a place to fix themselves on, but that soon disappeared as you let go of your hold on his mind.

“(y/n), when the hell did you get here?” he said, voice slurred as he moved to sit up. “What am I doing on the ground? Ugh, let me go!” he yanked his arm out of your grasp and you leaned back to give him more space.

“I was helping.” you mumbled, choosing to not say who you were helping, since you did (kind of) help both him and the kid he was tormenting.

“I don’t need your help. Never have and never will.” Harold said, standing with a sway before walking off with his two ‘best friends’ in tow.

Once upon a time you were rather close with Harold. Not after his got his telekinesis. He seemed to figure he was better than a person with the power to ‘make things quiet’.

Looking back you knew he was wrong. Your powers sounded lame, to most they were, but you and SHIELD soon found they weren’t. Instead they were very useful.

As a result, but the time you’d been out of school for three years, you’d been taken in by SHIELD and used for stealth missions, even teaming up with The Captain America on few occasions. Those were fun missions.

Eventually those in charge of the SHIELD remnants viewed you as someone worth adding to the group called Avengers. You felt honoured.

At the same time they added the Asgardian Loki to the team. You felt enshadowed.

You’re powers were cool, at the best. Loki’s abilities we far superior to yours, no matter how repeatedly useful you were told yours were.

Loki thought you were strange, like you had just as much purpose as he did in being an Avenger, and yet you were still so ordinary. He didn’t really understand what you were meant to do.

You were always so damn quiet.

“Where’s (y/n)?” Steve asked, walking into the common room to find most of the over Avengers lounging around wasting time on mediocre tasks.

“Just walked passed me.” You said, looking up from your computer to see a flustered Steve. He always felt bad about not noticing you, even though you always told him it was fine.

“Sorry, I just needed to tell you you’re on for a mission with Loki tomorrow afternoon.” he said, looking over at Loki as he spoke. Loki nodded at his words before going back to the TV, continuing to watch the show playing on the screen. You wondered how he could like watching Shameless so much so often. You decided wondering about other-worldly beings wasn’t the best idea, so you went back to your computer screen as soon as Steve excused himself from the room.

A few hours passed and most others had turned in for the night, or moved to their own places. Clint was no doubt in his ‘cubby hole’ near the air duct near Natasha’s room, Tony would be down in his workshop, while the others would most likely be sleeping.

Loki was still watching Shameless, without too much sign of stopping.

“You gonna head off soon?” You called over to him, closing your laptop with a soft thunk. You’d noticed he was always the last person to go to sleep, and the first awake. It worried you a little to see him not getting a lot of sleep. Thor was Asguardian and got more sleep than Loki did.

“Maybe.” he said. You sighed and walked over to sit on the other end of the couch, kicking his legs off one end so you had room.

“I’ll stay up with you.” You said, letting yourself get semi-comfortable as you ignored Loki’s glare from his new-found slouching position.

“What are you doing here, exactly?” He asked and sat up so his back was less strained.

“Watching Shameless with you. What does it look like?” You scoffed, shaking your head and crossing your arms.

“No, I mean here. With the Avengers. From what I know you aren’t that great.” he bluntly stated, turning to face you more fully as you whipped your head over to look at him.

“Well, no. I guess they’re not - I’m not that great. But I can be useful.”

“Like? Give me something to work with.”

“When I work with Cap- Steve, I focus on stealth. My powers are...” you paused, deciding to say it straight, not worrying about how lame it might sound, “... I can make things quiet, so I can run, unlock doors, smash glass without making any sound while Steve deals with things in a more straightforward manner, like a decoy.”

“What if you run into someone more powerful than you? Smarter? More combat-inclined?” Loki asked, leaning his head on his hand as if her was actually interested in your answer.

“Then my code name comes into play. I tell them to ‘Hush’, and their mind goes to sleep. They drop to the floor unconscious, their powers no longer able to work, and they wake up in about a half hour.” You said, pulling your knees up to your chest.

“Why not tell them to be silent? Surely that’d work faster.”

“Silence is more powerful than a Hush. As I grow older and more experience my powers become more powerful. When I was a teenager I would tell someone to be ‘Silent’ and they’d just drop unconscious. Nowadays if I did that the person could suffer severe brain damage, or be sent into a long-term coma, or die. I don’t really want to kill anybody.” Loki looked at you with more wonder then the shock you were used to seeing when you told your story.

“Sounds like you could be rather dangerous if you wanted.” he said, sitting up straighter again and smiling lightly at you.

“I suppose.” You mumbled, looking down at your hands before up at Loki again. You and he stared at each other for a while, ignoring the show as the credits of another episode started to roll.

“What else can you make quiet?” You felt you knew why he asked that question.

When new members of the Avengers join, they are set rooms in the building, usually close to other new members. Yours and Loki’s rooms are right next to each other. When he does sleep you hear him. He shouts, almost screams out at times, usually about how sorry he is, or how he wishes he could turn back time to fix what he did.

Night-terrors were like that. Almost everyone in the building suffered from them, even you sometimes.

“I can quiet-down thoughts. Here.” You said, stretching out your legs and patting your lap. “Put your head here. I’ll see if I can help.” He frowned at you.

“Help with what?” You gave him a ‘are you serious?’ look.

“I know Loki. I know you don’t sleep. There’s no shame in not hiding it.” You sighed, he reluctantly moved down so his head was in your lap. His feet had to dangle off the edge of the couch so he was in the right spot.

"I don't sleep.” he admitted, “My mind has a scary capability of being dark and demented." He finished with a breathy chuckle, you smiled lightly down at him.

"So you're scared of your own dreams?" You said quietly, resting your fingers on his temples.

"Yes." He mumbled, closing his eyes and taking in a deep breath as you started to work your magic.

“The mighty Loki, only afraid of himself.” He let out a light laugh at your quip at his ego, not saying anything, partially to not ruin the mood, and partially because he could no longer form any sentences.

You leaned down to press a soft kiss to his forehead, his eyes fluttering open to lock with yours, and unspoken agreement managing to be shared between you both in those few moments.

You weren't useless, not to him.

Because of you he was able to sleep that night without fear.

That night, and a lifetime more after.

[punkscowardschampions]

Sick Kids

ihatemyguts: Hey, who's about today? brainpain: 👀 brainpain: 👃 brainpain: 👅 ihatemyguts: Uncanny brainpain: I know ihatemyguts: Artistic endeavors keeping you busy? brainpain: [a selfie of her dramatic 🌈 makeup aesthetic] ihatemyguts: Okay but I'm gonna need a tutorial ihatemyguts: I never even mastered lipstick brainpain: I'll hook you up brainpain: check your private msgs ihatemyguts: 👍🙏 ihatemyguts: if my face is gonna be 🌚 from now on, it should really look pretty ihatemyguts: #juststeroidthings brainpain: it's a good face brainpain: + if I can rock a half shaved head with my brainpain: 👀 brainpain: 👃 brainpain: 👅 brainpain: not a time to still be alive brainpain: LMAO ihatemyguts: no doubt you rocked it so well everyone thought it was a choice brainpain: you gotta act like you're starting a 🌚 worshipping cult brainpain: I'll do a tutorial for that brainpain: full face of silver ihatemyguts: I can get down with that ihatemyguts: 🙌🌊🩸🐺🙌 ihatemyguts: am here on a bit of a recruitment mission, actually brainpain: my housemates & I are all synced 🩸 wise so you'd be doing me a favour, newbie brainpain: living battle royale over here brainpain: not trying to recruit you to fight to the death by my side though, we're good brainpain: what's the job? ihatemyguts: That sounds delightful, man ihatemyguts: also lowkey how has that never happened, not even with my ma ihatemyguts: clearly just that cold and standoffish she's like nah ihatemyguts: maybe I should wait 'til Zach is here too 'cos it was kinda his idea but if I give cred now, we're all good and I can take the blame if it's a big nope brainpain: you're still a 👶 not even gonna be synced with yourself yet brainpain: hold up I'll drag him by his curls brainpain: out there having a life like a real boy 😤 ihatemyguts: 😂 ihatemyguts: he'll get tricked into going to a weird Funland island and get turned into a donkey for his crimes, it's okay brainpain: sounds lit brainpain: [inandout has entered the chat] inandout: 🤥 ihatemyguts: How's your conscience? ihatemyguts: 🦗🦗🦗 inandout: 💎 clear ihatemyguts: 🤨 suspect inandout: you're not my wine mum inandout: or vodka aunt ihatemyguts: How rude ihatemyguts: Put some respect on your cult leader inandout: 🙇🙏 inandout: no food offerings ihatemyguts: safe bet gotspoons: 👋 I'm here! gotspoons: having a great day today, actually got energy, whaaaa?! 😲🤭 inandout: quick! float the idea while she's on cloud 9 gotspoons: You make me sound like an ogre, Zach 😜 gotspoons: what's going on? brainpain: Princess ogre ihatemyguts: Fiona ihatemyguts: v chic ihatemyguts: anyway, as we're all 👍 besides battle royale 🩸 ihatemyguts: we was thinking, and talking 'bout, a potential meetup ihatemyguts: thought we'd float it, see what y'all 💭 brainpain: I've got a 🍳 I'm 👍 + in ihatemyguts: which princess is that? one with crazy long hair, I 👀 it ihatemyguts: it could be cool, yeah? and why not, we'd have to make sure everyone who wants to can obvs or what's the point but apart from that brainpain: Princess me, unless the bleach makes it all fall out 😬 brainpain: [a very her style location] 📌🌎 inandout: we're not doing it there gotspoons: This is the problem, guys 😩 gotspoons: it would be really awesome but there is SO much planning you'd have to do to make it safe for everyone gotspoons: and picking a place for everyone that meets all the requirements inandout: we're willing to do all that inandout: planning + safety stuff ihatemyguts: totally ihatemyguts: like we could even go to a park or somewhere totally neutral ihatemyguts: or see if we can find some council-owned hall or something, 'cos places like that HAVE to be accessible ihatemyguts: I don't mind calling around and I bet Rich knows lots, and you will think of ALL the ways to keep EVERYONE safe and happy, right Rosie? brainpain: where I used to have support group would actually work brainpain: [a decent location that's like a community centre of something] ihatemyguts: 🙌 that looks legit ihatemyguts: if we explain what we're tryna do, bet they won't even charge us brainpain: I've got a hook up as ⭐ pupil brainpain: had my pick of those circle of chairs tigerbalm: 🙀🙀🙀🙀 tigerbalm: are we REALLY going to be able to meet up in person?! inandout: possibly gotspoons: How are we going to do this, IF we can gotspoons: you have to think about food and drink and seating and how we'd cover that, even if they did give us the venue for free inandout: I'm great with funds, it's assumed and expected gotspoons: but is that fair? gotspoons: I know some of us have none or very little inandout: I won't charge any of you a fee to come through the doors inandout: not that Jewish gotspoons: Oh, Zach! ihatemyguts: 🤑 is an accessibility issue, this should be a service, it should exist for free ihatemyguts: but it doesn't ihatemyguts: so if we can do this for ourselves, and offer it for free, for as little expense as possible ihatemyguts: maybe people will pull their finger out and consider actually doing their job ihatemyguts: you can write about it on your blog, get the word out brainpain: I'll fund-raise on stream, I've got your backs, nerds ihatemyguts: Right? High🖐 ihatemyguts: it's for US, so all of us that can, will put money into it ihatemyguts: no pressure on the ones that can't, fuck that, if anyone is gonna be that arsehole then they aren't welcome, yeah? tigerbalm: my parents have a people carrier, cos of course they do, but my creepy uncle won't be invited if any of y'all need rides ihatemyguts: 🤩🤩🤩 gotspoons: I'm going to do some research gotspoons: A LOT of research gotspoons: I would hate for anything to happen to anyone is this group tigerbalm: Where's Rich? tigerbalm: he would love to be on the front lines about this gotspoons: He would be a big help gotspoons: I feel like he had a uni thing today, an open day or something like that??? gotspoons: ugh my memory letting me down AS PER tigerbalm: how exciting! tigerbalm: I'll have to quiz him when he shows gotspoons: I know! gotspoons: He always checks in though, he'll be here later brainpain: Moving on, for those of us too brain damaged for further education gotspoons: 😔 brainpain: just me & my raging hormones LOL brainpain: he'll be such a happy nerd gotspoons: that's for sure gotspoons: he'll probably know so many answers to our questions already enablednotdisabled: I thought this group existed in lieu of an in-person group? brainpain: sup dude, it does enablednotdisabled: wouldn't it be potentially exclusionary to take this offline then? enablednotdisabled: realistically, there will be some of us who simply cannot get there inandout: if you wanna get there, we'll make it happen inandout: facetime you in if nothing else works enablednotdisabled: I'm not talking for myself, just others who might not feel confident enough to inandout: collective "you" inandout: we've all got phones enablednotdisabled: I just feel like this group can be quite us vs. them at times enablednotdisabled: hard to get heard if you aren't in the core group tigerbalm: There isn't a core group tigerbalm: everyone is listened to & respected enablednotdisabled: With all due respect, you are a part of it enablednotdisabled: so, of course, you feel that way enablednotdisabled: I'm not suggesting you can't break off and do your own thing, but the main chat of this forum that is meant to be for all of us, isn't the place for it brainpain: this group is what you make it, man brainpain: + the main chat brainpain: hit us with a topic you wanna talk about whenever inandout: it was brought up here so everyone knows they're invited ihatemyguts: I'm new and everyone I've found has been really receptive and welcoming to whatever I've had to say ihatemyguts: it sucks that you've not had that experience yourself but no one here is excluding you right now, least of all Robyn enablednotdisabled: There's a definite atmosphere here, whether you want to acknowledge it or not enablednotdisabled: the guidelines of what is expected and what is acceptable need to be clearer enablednotdisabled: and the moderators, who I've never actually witnessed in chat, should be quicker to put people on the right track, making this more therapeutic/beneficial to all, ban people if necessary brainpain: If you 🔎 hard enough for an atmosphere, it's findable brainpain: when you come in with a definite attitude of your own that's not gonna help none gotspoons: There's no need for us to have an argument, this is supposed to be a positive space gotspoons: if you have a complaint you'd like to make @enablednotdisabled, there is a link to contact the mods directly gotspoons: but I'd be happy to talk to you, privately if you'd prefer, and then we can take it from there? enablednotdisabled: I can handle my own complaints, thanks enablednotdisabled: and this isn't a positive space for me, and plenty other people I've talked to gotspoons: It hurts me to hear that, I'm really sorry and steps do need to be taken to attempt to rectify that then handicapable: I agree, it's cliquey here, unless you're one of the 'popular kids' or core group as @enablednotdisabled said, nobody cares handicapable: @ihatemyguts may be new but her finding a way in doesn't mean the walls aren't there for the rest of us handicapable: I barely log in any more gotspoons: Then let's tackle this culture head on gotspoons: do either of you have suggestions on how we could go about that, so I'm not dominating the conversation handicapable: You're not the one who dominates the conversation ihatemyguts: Don't think we need to @ people with specific comments like that ihatemyguts: not speaking for myself brainpain: @ me, baby brainpain: At least then I could defend myself brainpain: 🤐 though ihatemyguts: You've got the floor, like tigerbalm: It's not a safe space for Lauren if she can't say what she wants to say at risk of being accused of dominating the chat tigerbalm: either you want people to feel listened to or you don't ihatemyguts: And yeah, I am new, but I know Lauren, or anyone else in the chat rn, would not shoot you down if you wanted to change topic enablednotdisabled: It's about who always seems to be dictating the topic enablednotdisabled: we could change it, but then you feel like an interloper ihatemyguts: The conversation has to start somewhere, by someone ihatemyguts: @handicapable admitted to barely logging in now, of course the people who are here more will talk more, that's a given, it doesn't mean you're not allowed to contribute or come in to the convo ihatemyguts: there's no way to avoid that...prompts? mods only? that's not natural, or practical inandout: bible quotes inandout: 1 Peter 5:10 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Why are we quoting scripture? inandout: Lauren's been here for like 2 years but suddenly she's a disruptive force tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Well that's bullshit tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: unless you're a incel on her stream brainpain: you know me brainpain: how was your open day, babe? brainpain: (unless I'm a domineering b word for asking) tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Decent, despite the fact no one was expecting the wheelchair kid tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: despite the fact I called ahead tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: you can dominate me all you want but let me catch up with this apparent shitstorm I've missed brainpain: what a sexy proposition brainpain: I knew I'd missed you enablednotdisabled: Right, that's that conversation over then enablednotdisabled: 👌 brainpain: come on, man ihatemyguts: This is ridiculous ihatemyguts: people have formed meaningful relationships here, they're not allowed to acknowledge that in case someone feels left out, if you've talked to plenty of other people about the state of this forum, then clearly you've formed deeper bonds with them too ihatemyguts: no one here begrudges you that ihatemyguts: you're bound to get on with certain people over others, there's nothing discriminatory about that, it's to be expected tigerbalm: Like, are we supposed to take everything to PMs now? Cos I wanna hear about Rich's open day too but maybe he doesn't wanna type everything out to separate people lots of separate times ihatemyguts: ^You're just being rude, for the sake of it ihatemyguts: Rosie has offered to privately message about this, or you can put it all in an email to the mods tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Okay tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: literally, 'we' (I'll include myself in this core group that you see, even if I don't see that as a valid argument), have done nothing to you two, have never excluded either of you tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: everyone here is welcoming, and was welcoming you before your complaints tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: which aren't rooted in anything I can see as factual tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: what's the actual issue here? you're just hitting out buzzwords handicapable: and you're just jumping to the defence of the girl you like flirting with brainpain: Whoa now! That's not all I am in here tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: See, that's multiple times you've personally made jabs at Lauren tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: none of us have made any comments on you two personally tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: it seems like you're more cliquey than us if you can't see her as a valued member of the group brainpain: I'm not gonna leave cos you want on Rich for being hot af brainpain: shoutout to the new girl for letting that be known though tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Thank you, m'dear (somewhere between 🎩 and 🧢) tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: but thanks for implying I'm so desperate that I'd flirt with a girl I'd never seen before @handicapable tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: things are not quite that bad, I can assure you inandout: we're all that desperate, where have we heard that before? inandout: @normal people tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and we don't deserve any relationships that are deeper than strictly clinical and professional inandout: which is why we don't need to talk to any one person more than once tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Shout your grievances into the void and move on tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: but don't be too depressing about it ihatemyguts: This group doesn't work, you're right, just not for the reasons you're giving ihatemyguts: but we're all welcome to do what we must about making it work, even if I disagree with yours personally ihatemyguts: at least we try, and if you view us as an 'us' then you also view yourself as a group ihatemyguts: which isn't how I see it, or it's meant to be ihatemyguts: it's a group as a whole inandout: I wanted to organise a meet up to make things cooler inandout: sometimes you don't wanna shout shit into the void inandout: you wanna look someone in the eye when you're talking to them inandout: so you don't have to feel othered ihatemyguts: ^^ inandout: I get to do things with all my other friends inandout: that's what you guys are tigerbalm: I don't have other friends, I'm not saying it to make anyone 😿 tigerbalm: but I don't tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: you've got us tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and we don't need to apologize for being friends tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and I think meeting up is a really good idea, I'll be happy to help brainpain: It's okay, Robyn, none of us have done anything wrong gotspoons: I've contacted the moderators, I'll let you know when I get a response brainpain: I did too ✌️ gotspoons: Good, everyone who feels they need to, should gotspoons: I'm glad your open-day went well, Rich brainpain: me too, hot 🤓 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Thanks, guys tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: it's got potential tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: once I get there and make some changes, of course tigerbalm: 🙌 You go, Rich! 🧡 tigerbalm: not to use a banned word but you do inspire me for when I get to uni myself tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: We'll allow it, well I will because I love a compliment tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and you'll be great when you do tigerbalm: I hope my parents won't make me stay local tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: If you don't want to, you shouldn't tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: don't let anything stop you tigerbalm: I'll try not to tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: when you need them, I can throw all the resources and info at you tigerbalm: thanks brainpain: Can we talk about me now cos that's the ONLY reason I'm here LMAO ihatemyguts: @Zach, gonna come at her with your famous line? inandout: you've built it up now ihatemyguts: 🙄 ugh, baby inandout: are we at pet names? cool ihatemyguts: 😂 shut up ihatemyguts: but don't, all voices welcome inandout: yours is dragon ball z inandout: for today ihatemyguts: romantic ihatemyguts: we're meant to be talking about Lauren inandout: Lauren's is low blow ihatemyguts: got a real talent, kid ihatemyguts: may as well do the entire group inandout: wouldn't wanna exclude anyone ihatemyguts: 😏 ihatemyguts: no one will be devastated about that, trust me inandout: damn inandout: or dang ihatemyguts: is that another group rule I've shamelessly flouted? 😬 brainpain: It's a me rule, dragon ball brainpain: you're safe in this safe space ihatemyguts: I'll do my best to mind my Ps & Qs ihatemyguts: 🤞 brainpain: you're fine I'm just aware of my 👵 status brainpain: don't wanna spook the 👶s ihatemyguts: thoughtful ihatemyguts: 👌 brainpain: who knew? brainpain: check me out, not being a huge b word ihatemyguts: honestly, disappointing brainpain: @ my exes ihatemyguts: they aren't here, are they ihatemyguts: @fibro not included brainpain: only my next brainpain: when I snag Rich for myself brainpain: gotta tame that playboy ihatemyguts: so many 💔💔💔 @ this news brainpain: long as you're not brainpain: he's too old for you, babe tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I feel used tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and yes, much too 👴 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: be your ex-husband at this rate brainpain: I'm not gonna say, you can use me too, in front of the children brainpain: but mutual love & respect, boy tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Shocking behaviour, Mrs brainpain: asking for discipline would also be over the line, sir gotspoons: OKAY gotspoons: putting a stop to this convo thank you gotspoons: 😳 gotspoons: 😳 gotspoons: 😳 gotspoons: 😳 gotspoons: have I covered it? brainpain: g dang it, Rich! Have I not been involved in enough controversy for one day? brainpain: turn away from me, you sexy beast gotspoons: you're very cute but terrible gotspoons: ogre princess putting her foot down on this one tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I'll take the blame tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: rushing to your defense again brainpain: 😍 ihatemyguts: sure wish someone would run in and change the topic ihatemyguts: it's like mum and dad have had too much 🍷 inandout: could be a prime time for you to ask Robbie on your first date, dbz ihatemyguts: Oh yeah! 💡 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 💘 is in the air tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: careful, Zach ihatemyguts: Robyn, have you decided what you're gonna wear to your party yet? tigerbalm: I have a moodboard tigerbalm: would you like to see it? ihatemyguts: Um, absolutely tigerbalm: [that moodboard] ihatemyguts: So, you'd be up for going into town to try-on stuff, right? ihatemyguts: I can think of some shops with some unique stuff tigerbalm: 😺!!! ihatemyguts: Is that a yes 😺 or a I'm calling the police 😺? tigerbalm: I'd love to tigerbalm: my parents might call the police though ihatemyguts: that's alright, I've given you a fake name tigerbalm: they would think so tigerbalm: but their name choices are pretty boring ihatemyguts: at least you've got a super cute name ihatemyguts: if it'd make them feel better though, I'll come meet them or whatever tigerbalm: oh thanks x2 tigerbalm: that's so nice ihatemyguts: 'course ihatemyguts: who doesn't like shopping? inandout: I don't inandout: that much ihatemyguts: that'll be why you didn't ask yourself inandout: I would never third wheel your date inandout: very uncool ihatemyguts: well, if anyone does wanna come along, that'd be alright brainpain: happy to invite myself into any convo or situation ihatemyguts: 🤓 or 😎 ihatemyguts: you could do our makeup ihatemyguts: because not joking about the trainwreck it is when I do ihatemyguts: 🤡 not the theme brainpain: to avoid a spooky 🤡 resurge brainpain: I shall gotspoons: 😱😱😱😱 gotspoons: I hate clowns tigerbalm: SAME! my brothers love the 🤡🎈 films but I can't watch 🙀 gotspoons: Nooooooo gotspoons: even the advert was scary tigerbalm: ever since I went to the 🎪🐘🤡🍿 as a child I'm like traumatised inandout: once I got dragged along when my parents went shopping for a sofa and there was a clown there inandout: as a mascot or something gotspoons: 😭 THAT'S HORRIFYING inandout: fever dreams are made of this inandout: he kept trying to ruffle my hair ihatemyguts: definitely a bad omen ihatemyguts: that clown was there to warn you about...something inandout: I'm not classing it as a date though, you still get to go first inandout: the warning'll simply be my impending death ihatemyguts: your first bad omen ihatemyguts: n'awh inandout: cute, right? ihatemyguts: 🐭 🐹 🐰 inandout: 🐿🦔 ihatemyguts: 🦄 brainpain: sure, I'll chaperone you two brainpain: ✨ ihatemyguts: result brainpain: arms length, Zachary gotspoons: I feel like I'm on a dating site brainpain: there'd be way more fibros if we were gotspoons: I've never even attempted to date gotspoons: such a minefield brainpain: if you change your mind, I'll get my sister to list off which ones to avoid brainpain: she feeds me a new spooky story weekly gotspoons: see, it's bad enough without the added 'who I am' drama brainpain: get yourself a love interest with more 🚑💊💉 drama than you, that's what I do brainpain: you're the chill one by comparison gotspoons: Rich is still here lurking, you know 🤭 brainpain: he knows what we have is deep + meaningful tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 👌 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: very serious brainpain: I'm coaching Rosie for her first venture into dating not discussing our lengthy but ultimately doomed love affair tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: doomed because 💀💀 or doomed because someone will join the group with ultimate 🚑💊💉 drama and better hair? brainpain: @Zach with that death clock bs brainpain: doomed cos you'll meet a hot 🤓 at uni brainpain: nobody has better hair than either of us tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Okay then, I won't be pre-offended and call you out on that nonsense brainpain: that isn't a promise that you'll still have time for me brainpain: we're all waiting, Rich tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: depends how hot and how nerdy this university girl is, of course brainpain: Profess your undying love for me or get out, honestly tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 😏 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Rosie will shut it down again brainpain: 😉 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: She's a hater 💔 gotspoons: 😱 Rich! gotspoons: I'm very supportive brainpain: LOL gotspoons: 😥 gotspoons: I love love brainpain: you're a 🧸 brainpain: I love you, Rosemary brainpain: feel free to ignore my husband gotspoons: I ❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜 you all too gotspoons: even if you test my nerves sometimes, it's only in a good way 😅 tigerbalm: So, if one of us had  a 'normal' crush, would that be doomed? tigerbalm: asking for a friend 😳 gotspoons: OF COURSE NOT gotspoons: you're beautiful gotspoons: spill spill! tigerbalm: there isn't much to say except his running route goes past my house tigerbalm: we've 👋 at each other but no conversation has happened gotspoons: HOW EXCITING ihatemyguts: You've gotta talk to him ihatemyguts: such a meet-cute tigerbalm: I have no idea what I would say ihatemyguts: a hello to go with the 👋 to start ihatemyguts: you'll know what to do tigerbalm: a 'how are you?' to follow but what then? ihatemyguts: something like...you run this route often? ihatemyguts: do you run anywhere else? ihatemyguts: are you single? tigerbalm: 🐱 gotspoons: Oh! gotspoons: What does he look like? gotspoons: Can you take a picture? gotspoons: No, perhaps not gotspoons: I've got snap happy now 😅 tigerbalm: I'll try if I can do it without anyone else noticing tigerbalm: it's okay if my cat judges me, but no humans tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I cannot officially endorse this behaviour, ladies tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: but I'm sure he would be very flattered and consider himself lucky, Robyn tigerbalm: Oh Rich, you're such a big softie 😸 brainpain: LMAO brainpain: forget the boy, I want pics of your cat tigerbalm: [cat pics] 🧡 inandout: that is a potentially judgemental looking moggy, be careful tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: girl or boy? tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: he or she is very distinguished looking, I feel tigerbalm: me & my mum were feeling outnumbered, so she got adopted too tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: fight the power ✊ tigerbalm: I have rabbits too but they would probably encourage me, they're pretty naughty tigerbalm: for fairness tigerbalm: [rabbit pics] brainpain: I had 🐭🐭 as a kid brainpain: LOVED those critters brainpain: [picture of kiddo Lauren with mice on her shoulders] ihatemyguts: I wish I was allowed pets with fur ihatemyguts: scales only inandout: I'm not either inandout: my brother's allergic ihatemyguts: maybe we have the same brother ihatemyguts: slightly concerned now inandout: yours isn't as old as mine, we know that inandout: unless some kind of freaky time loop or something has happened ihatemyguts: I'm you in a parallel universe inandout: before I agree to co-sign, do you have any pets with scales? ihatemyguts: 🐉 🐲 inandout: cool inandout: I accept our parallel lives ihatemyguts: [pics of your dragons 'cos probably have one each lowkey] inandout: if I'm the only petless one in the "core" I will have to hang my head ihatemyguts: you can have joint custody ihatemyguts: don't worry inandout: pet names + a pet share? What a day ihatemyguts: v generous inandout: I'm making that discovery ihatemyguts: 🎁🔍 inandout: I wish we were doing a treasure hunt inandout: that's gonna be date 4 ihatemyguts: challenge accepted ihatemyguts: you gotta find the treasure outside then rehide it though ihatemyguts: more fun inandout: rules accepted ihatemyguts: if you happen to find 💰💎🏺🧭🔮🧿📿 then we'll bury it inandout: what happens if I find a 🗝? ihatemyguts: #5 finding the 🚪 or 🔓 it fits brainpain: Wait, how many dates am I chaperoning you 👶🤓s for? brainpain: gotta find a ✏️ to write this down ihatemyguts: technically, Zach wants to wait 'til he's not 🔞 ihatemyguts: unless you're well dedicated to protect and serve ihatemyguts: also plenty of time to lose that 📄 inandout: don't listen to her, the first date is Robbie's party and we've all 📅 ihatemyguts: might be a double date ihatemyguts: 💃🏃 tigerbalm: I'm so happy that you're both coming! tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Of course they're not missing the event of the season tigerbalm: 😸😺 tigerbalm: I better plan some more tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: It is your forte tigerbalm: compliments are yours tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and hair tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: humility, less so brainpain: I can vouch for that being why we're soulmates tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: it's the way you can dominate a conversation tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: like a girl with something to say brainpain: 😏 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Tease brainpain: you'd be into it if I were tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: now she speaks 🤫 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: If Rosie isn't sleeping she'll be 😖 brainpain: I know how to behave, you're the bad influence here tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Gladly take that reputation tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: much worse could be said about me brainpain: catch that 2nd wave of drama when the haters log back in tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I hope so brainpain: only cos you missed the kick off tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Not taking politics for nothing brainpain: they can 🔫 @ me if it means you get your 🎓 babe tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: long as I can 🛡 without being fibro about it brainpain: you did tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 👍 gotspoons: I was thinking gotspoons: maybe if we make more boards for specific topics, that would be better? gotspoons: then the chat could be just that, a casual chat that isn't necessarily disability related but us related, as people gotspoons: what do you guys think? brainpain: I'm in inandout: me too inandout: I was gonna make a similar suggestion but it was my last idea that started everything earlier gotspoons: It's not your fault, Zach gotspoons: I just need to do some admin, update the site tigerbalm: I can help if you need any gotspoons: Thanks, Robbie

[amwritingmeta]

Hey! What’s your take on where Destiel’s headed with the end of the season? I’ve been unfollowing some people who have been very negative about the show. They’re allowed their feelings and opinions, of course, but I’m kind of at a weak point in my life right now and just can’t handle the negativity. I’m personally ready for the angst, and let’s face it, one of the reasons I love Destiel is because of their unhealthy dynamics.

Hi, love! 

Ohhh, good question. I’ve been thinking about this a lot, actually, (shocker I know) so getting to write it out is a good thing. I thank you! :)

I’m sorry that you’ve felt affected by the negativity you’ve seen, but I’m glad you made the decision to put some distance between that negativity and yourself. Self-care and being honest with yourself about what you want to and perhaps especially what you can and can’t handle is so important! And being able to recognise it and make that choice for yourself is an immense strength, so whatever point in your life you’re at and whatever brought you there, I hope you lean on that.

To your question! And, oh, the Destiel question complex, dude!

I’ll start out by saying that Destiel exists within the weave of this narrative as an important possibility for deepening the message of this narrative. 

I’ll add that I believe Dean and Cas were set up as romantic from the first episode of S4 (come hell or Eric Kripke bitchslapping me for reading too deeply into things) and that Cas was meant to be a catalyst for Dean beginning to see a reason to face his biggest fear, step out of the role of weapon and into his true identity, yeah? 

Okay, I’ll elaborate on that.

But first I want to say that, for all the Destiel meta I’ve posted on this blog, for all the Destiel focused analysis and the flailing and squealing and the tagging of the greatest love story ever told (through subtext) I feel I have tried to be clear about the fact that this narrative, as a whole, is not centred on our love story.

Bear with me, there’s a point to this statement and I assure you I believe Destiel will happen, because I believe the writers wouldn’t spend all that thought-power on baking in such delicious subtext if what they were striving for wasn’t to have that subtext brought into text and doing what it was always meant to do, which is deepen the message of the narrative as a whole. #daretodefy

(let me also be clear that me believing is not the same as me promising it will happen okay?) (I just have complete faith that it will) (let me outline why) (and if you don’t want an earnest and personal dissection of my way of analysing the narrative that is also rather unromantic, but lands in all the positivity, then please look away now!) :)

When reading the love story arc, I can’t dismiss or overlook the importance of the individual arcs for Dean and Cas, because Supernatural’s overarching themes are freedom, choice and identity, which are all interlinked, of course, and the characters are each of them playing a part in exploring these themes and are pushing for these themes to come together into a message related to freedom, choice and identity.

That’s how narrative structure works, yeah? 

I love these three men like they were my own. They live in my mind and have a piece of my heart and that’s not just me paying lip service. They’ve changed me, you know? Changed how I understand myself. So it’s not breezily I distance myself from them as people and look at them as basic narrative tools meant to help the writers make a statement about the world we live in and about how to live in it.

But that is what they are. That’s what they have to be in terms of narrative analysis. It’s all about asking the questions What does this mean for his progression? but also fitting that into What does this mean for the whole? How does this fit with what’s come before? And as far as speculation is concerned, landing in: What does that mean for what might follow? Yeah? Still with me? :P

So then, here’s the biggest thing that’s very easy to forget to underline when talking about Destiel: however real the love story is, this narrative does not exist for or revolve around the love story. 

I think this is so, so important to remember. 

The message of this series will be deepened if the love story is brought to surface text and the ginormaneous fuck you to the traditional (straiiiiiight) way of perceiving love and how love should be and how it should act and what it should look like is delivered by the end of S15. 

And the effectiveness of the delivery is determined by the fact that it’s a traditional white male hero set to act as symbol for leaving that closed-minded and societally conditioned bullshit behind.

But the love story, to me, is the bright red bow around the overarching thematic message of facing your internal fears and finding your way to who you truly are. Because that’s what freedom is. And it’s freedom begotten through trial and error. Through learning from your mistakes and all those choices you’ve made. Yeah? That’s the core of the show. That’s what we’re watching here. 

*and it is beautiful*

It’s also the thematic premise that unites the individual arcs of Dean, Sam and Cas, and now Jack as well. (but Jack is a mirror for all of them so his arc was bound to be a reflection, right?)

So when I think about what’s right for Destiel, first I look at where Dean and Cas are at in terms of this hugely important, overarching theme of identity, which is what is guiding their individual arcs towards a moment of catharsis. 

I just cannot believe that a show that has spent close to a decade and a half exploring the idea of individuation would bring its lovers together and have them make each other whole. 

I believe they need to first be whole in themselves, with all the self-worth that would bring on. 

Which is why all the enormous internal progression that’s been given to us over the last few seasons, particularly in Dean, but in Cas and Sam too, has been so exciting to me! Because it’s a push for them all to reach a moment of individuation. And for Dean and Cas, that means believing themselves worthy of love and happiness!

Which is why the love story is the bright red bow, yeah? Because through making it surface text and letting them finally get together they’re given this huge reward for doing all that internal work, right? 

And both of them reaching a point of individuation and laying the foundation for internal balance (because staying balanced is a continuing internal process of self-awareness and self-care) would be what allows the narrative to effectively send its message out to the world: let no one tell you who you are, you choose who to be, and good things await you if you dare to open yourself up to your true identity.

Well, then where are Dean and Cas at in their individual arcs as of 14x17? 

(um got long…) :)

Dean

Dean battled with toxic masculinity representatives pushing awareness on him all through S13, so when Michael came around, Dean could now recognise him for what he was - his shadow. 

Only, the awareness brought on an unconscious identity crisis that left Dean incapable of facing down his biggest fears and instead of engaging with the needed shadow work, Dean, in fear, decided to simply give up and give in and drown himself, because he couldn’t imagine what his identity could possibly be without this side to him pretty much in charge of him, yeah?

Taking control means admitting you’re out of control, and for someone so in need of control, admitting that you really don’t have any control over yourself is terrifying. So I get it. 

It’s just that Dean’s inability to engage in shadow work and opening up to being honest with himself about the imbalance within him led to his shadow infecting the regressed side to Dean that was always in most need of acknowledgement: his neglected inner child. (represented by Jack)

Here’s what Dean needs: to let Sam go. 

No, I don’t mean as in say goodbye forever and move cross country.

I mean, he has to let Sam be the adult he’s been for a very long time. He has to trust that Sam can take care of himself. Because even though I think Dean consciously recognises Sam as a grown man, unconsciously he is very, very stuck in the emotional patterns tied directly to Protect Sammy.

Dean sees Sam as his kid, and this was even underlined in 14x17 through how it opens on a board game Dean used to love as a kid before Mary died, and ends with Dean playing a game with his brother to keep him conscious.

Sam saying: You always put me first. Your whole life.

Honestly it continues to blow me away, because that exactly is the issue here. Dean never puts himself first. Ever. 

His purpose is still to Protect Sammy at all costs. 

And his neglected inner child is suffering for it, because Dean never had a childhood, and until he can admit to himself that Protect Sammy has damaged him in ways that he has to come to terms with, without feeling like he’s in any way betraying Sam, but rather opening up to acknowledging that neglected inner child, who is so starved for love and affection, Dean will never be able to confront his fears, expel them and in so doing integrate his shadow.

How exactly this is supposed to happen I wouldn’t dream of speculating on, but, to me, it does feel like this is what the narrative is circling for him. Because he’s aware of so many things. He’s aware of what the codependency has done to Sam and how it’s shaped his view on life and their joint purpose. 

If we die, we do that together. Yeah? 

And Dean doesn’t want that for Sam. And he’s tried to let go this season. And he’s tried to make Sam let go. But they keep coming back to well-worn paths, don’t they? And they still can’t find that balance in their relationship. Like how Dean just decided to leave Jack by himself in 14x16 and Sam’s annoyance at the deception, while Sam didn’t just step on Dean’s decision and override it in the moment, however much Sam was questioning it and disagreeing with it.

Oh, Sam. So much crap bottled up. Gah!

And then we can ask ourselves where Cas is at, and it’s an interesting at.

Cas

If you’ve taken a gander at my 14x08 meta on Cas and his shadow and the glory that is Carl Jung’s doctrine, then you know what I’m about to write, which is that Cas, at the start of S14, had come much further than Dean in his shadow work. In fact, the way I read S13 after Meredith Glynn planted the idea of a Jungian perspective on the narrative in my head is all to do with Cas doing a lot of shadow work and effectively reaching a point, at the start of S14, where he’s beginning to become truly self-aware.

The way he communicates with Jack about family and about belonging at the start of S14 is very different to the lost and rather adrift way he speaks about belonging with Mary in S12. Then Cas didn’t know if he truly fit in at the bunker, but now, and after the brothers markedly fought for him in 12x12, of course, he’s at a point where he’s actively referring to it as his home.

He also confronted the worst side to himself, his worst nightmare, a shadow representative in AU!Cas in S13, and not only killed this nightmare version, but acknowledge that he carries that nightmare version inside of himself.

So because Cas engaged in shadow work the moment he was confronted with his shadow representative (the Empty) in 13x04 and stood up to it and demanded his freedom, leading to all sorts of character progression throughout S13 and leaving him quite balanced at the start of S14, in 14x08, his shadow came to put a goddamn end to Cas’ growing self-worth and awareness, and the shadow came for the representative of that awareness for Cas: Jack. 

And Cas, instead of giving into his shadow and handing over awareness, made a deal, trading his happiness for remaining in control of himself. Rather than drown in his fears, he confronted them and said no, I’m not giving into you. 

But. 

One fear had to remain in spite of this confrontation and saying no. 

And it’s the biggest fear of all, for him as well as for Dean. And it’s the fear that stands in the way of either of them being able to fully open up to what they want for themselves.

What is it?

Indeed, it’s the fear of happiness. 

Now, it would be grand to say that happiness in all things for Dean and Cas are explicitly tied to them getting it on already. But I would gently argue that it actually isn’t. And if I’m right, because I might not be and if I’m wrong then, omg, bring on the smooches NOW, I really don’t mind, but if I’m right, then I believe it strengthens the love story, rather than weakens it in any way.

Because?

Because then the fear of happiness is tied into the series overarching theme of identity, which makes sense to me that it would be. And it ties right back around to the theory that for Dean and Cas to be happy together, they first have to be happy in themselves. To be together, they first have to answer the questions Who am I? and Who do I want to be?

Essentially: What do I want?

So, real happiness is tied to them recognising and embracing their true identities. 

For Dean this is all to do with letting go of Sam as identity marker, letting go of Protect Sammy as life purpose, and putting himself first. (for once) There’s a helluva lot of baggage for him to rummage through to get there, because his entire self-worth has, for practically his whole life, been tied to taking care of and looking out for Sam. Yeah? So I’m curious, if I’m even in the ballpark with this reading and this is what really needs to happen before anything else can really happen, how the writers will approach truly breaking the codependency once and for all.

I’ve always had this sense that it’s on Sam to properly instigate it by stepping out from Dean’s shadow, and Sam is being a research God and getting shit done and solving problems like it’s nobody’s business so maybe… We shall see!

For Cas… Well, anyone following this blog will know what I’ve got to say about Cas and his true identity, yeah? 

For him to choose to cut out his grace and become human. 

Cas has gone through many stages in his progression, but I do believe he’s repressing his true want because it’s such an absolute affront to Heaven, to God, to the strict rule book of angel/human interaction that Cas has been brought up on. (so his conversation with Anael in 14x17 was just manna from Heaven to me) 

Choosing a human life, to him, isn’t anything he’s even considering and I think that’s actually telling, because he’s avoiding even the hint of happiness like the plague, and I believe humanity has always been where the root of happiness truly lies for him. Because it’s his true form, you know? Not this in between thing he is rn.

*still makes me want to cry that he called himself a thing*

I mean, the whole Making a Big Choice thing could be circumvented by the fact that Cas cutting out his grace is the same as him not having to fear happiness anymore, because as a human he doesn’t belong in the Empty. So he could essentially realise that he can free himself from the deal, and then, actually, understand (when the Empty shows to nab him in his happiest moment) that humanity is what he wanted for himself all along. Like holy fuck THIS is what happiness truly feels like. *personal freedooooooom* *individuatioooooon*

But I wonder at what would bring about such a choice - whatever the scenario -  with drama on the horizon, so I’m doubting this choice will happen this season. 

(if at all) (let me be clear) (human!Cas is just what I - and others with me! - see as the narrative push for his progression) (it’s not a 100% has to happen or bust) (I mean it kinda is to my mind and I’ll be hella curious to learn what the big turning point is for him if it’s not realising he doesn’t even really think of himself as an angel anymore) (I feel he’s been transitioning since S4 tbh) (from angel to man…)

Anyway, that was one helluva roundabout way of landing in an actual answer to your question. Phew! Sorry this got so very long!!

The answer to your question is that I’m not expecting any sort of textual Destiel before the end of this season.

I am, however, very excited to see exactly what the subtext is about to deliver with the next episode. And, well, I suppose what the text will deliver, too, because Dean is textually telling Cas that he’s screwed up badly enough that Dean is ready to threaten to shut him out of his life. I mean. Drama. Right?

And, look, the thing to take away is that everything is connected. 

The individual arcs are influenced by the joint arcs (Sam and Dean and Dean and Cas) and the joint arcs progress thanks to the growth happening in the individual arcs. 

The love story arc doesn’t exist in a vacuum all on its own, but I do believe its conclusion is the needed punctuation mark for both Dean and Cas’ individual journeys, because their individual progression would never have been what it is right now in the narrative without the other there to act as catalyst and northern star.

And you can see it. Because when you take one of them out of the story, the progression of the other stops dead in its tracks. And it’s something I’ve always loved the subtlety of. And it’s really what has me convinced beyond any doubt that there will be a satisfactory conclusion, too. It would leave such a hole if there wasn’t and I think the writers would feel it like a wound in the brain. 

(#daretodefy)

And hey, I think that the unhealthy dynamics between them - with the absolutely atrocious lack of communication in moments that truly matter at its core - are all about the unhealthy imbalance within. So fingers crossed they’re getting on that introspection train. They won’t lose the sass and the throwing bitch faces at each other, you know? The fact that they question the other’s choices is actually part of the healthy in their dynamic. But, yeah, man… if they could just know when to speak up and when to share and when to… 

Yeah.

:)

xx

[smol-gay-werewolf]

Blue Apple

The sides can have their own dreams, even nightmares. Thomas learnt this via Virgil sitting at the end of his bed who'd just had a nightmare and Patton who'd come to explain it to Thomas- ignoring that he'd also had a bad dream. Now Roman was here too- he hadn't had a nightmare, just an annoying dream about his brother. They were all having a nice chat to distract themselves, Patton scrolling through his phone and showing dog pictures from his Instagram to them. Thomas was still a little confused about how his sides could get their own nightmares, he debated pulling Logan up to explain it but figured the logical side wouldn't appreciate the emotion talk.

Speak of the devil, Logan himself rose up slowly behind patron, coughing awkwardly. "May I join you? I seem to have received my own uhm...troublesome dream."

Patton smiled and patted the end of the bed, wanting Logan to sit down. "Awe, did Lo-lo have a nightmare?" He hugged the side, petting his head. "It's alright kiddo, everyone has a nightmare now and then."

"Don't call me that." Logan pushed Patton off of him, adjusting his glasses. "I'm not a fan of that particular nickname..." He straightened his tie and sighed. "But yes, I had a bad dream. It wasn't frightening enough to be considered a nightmare though, just a little irritating." He thought for a moment, pondering a thought that jumped into his mind- he turned to face Roman. "Hey Roman? I have a question concerning your brother."

Roman looked up from his book, rather surprised but not all too shocked. "Oh? Well what do you need to know?" He wondered if Remus had had anything to do with Logan's nightmare.

Logan nodded, a silent thanks for Roman's willingness to answer. "I know he's the 'bad' side of imagination but is there any part of Remus that's genuinely good?" He assumed he already knew the answer but part of him hoped he was wrong.

Roman blinked at him, confused by the question- he wondered if his brother had anything to do with Logan's nightmare. "Well yeah, he can be nice. He might be a dark side but he's not all bad, bad creativity is what he represents, not his entire personality. Like how I'm Thomas's ego as well as the good parts to creativity, Remus is all spontaneous thoughts, not just the intrusive ones." Roman wasn't a fan of his brother but he didn't want to lie about him, he'd had enough lies for a lifetime.

Logans eyes lit up, he tried to hide how glad he was to hear that news- it made him feel some kind of positive emotion he couldn't pin point. He looked to Patton who was hesitantly nodding. "Yeah, I'd be lying if I said he didn't help with some present ideas for Thomas's friends." He chuckled uncomfortably, side eyeing Roman slightly. "Oh can we change the subject though kiddos? I'm not up for talking about the darksi-"

"The others."

"-the others right now, alright kiddo?" Patton smiled at Virgil and ruffled his hair- causing the purple haired side to chuckle. The other sides nodded and began to talk about other things- Roman brought up the topic of dragons so they kept on that for a while.

It didn't take long for them to all fall asleep, curled up on Thomas's bed. But Logan didn't sleep- he couldn't, thoughts danced through his head and he couldn't keep them out. Remus was a force, that was sure- Logan had seen Remus at his most treacherous but that dream- that dream was the first time he'd seen even a hint of the dark side being nice. He wasn't sure if the dream was real- obviously he knew it wasn't real but it's possible for Remus to enter the other side's dream, it was the same with Roman. He spent the entire night wondering if it was real and if it was- what reason Remus had to be so nice to him.

The next day, Logan was the only sleep deprived side in the mindspace- meaning Thomas wasn't all there, braincells running on empty. Virgil noticed that Logan was tired and sat with him for a bit, not asking any questions but just making sure he didn't faceplant into the table. Patton noticed at around lunchtime and fixed Logan a double strength coffee- much to Virgil's worry. But the coffee seemed to wake Logan up completely so there wasn't much to worry about, the logic side seemed fine for the second half of the day.

Thomas didn't really notice since there wasn't much for him to do, he did need Logan's help with a few things but all that was after lunch so it was fine. Logan didn't have to do much all day so Virgil was confused as to why Logan seemed so anxious. Being the representation of anxiety, Virgil could sense when the other sides were anxious- Logan was most certainly feeling very anxious about something, Virgil wanted to know what.

He sat next to the logical side and watched him for a few moment before speaking. "What's wrong?" He sighed when Logan dismissed his question and continued to bug him, refusing to let it go. Virgil knew the logical side hated emotions so it wasn't too much of a surprise that it was an hour before Logan coincided.

The bespectacled side but his book down, refusing to look at Virgil as he stared determinedly at the wall. "I don't want to go to sleep but I have to, it's a requirement and...and I'm just a little nervous."

Virgil blinked at him, confused as to why sleep would scare Logan- nothing scares Logan. He thought back to last night- Logan had confessed to having had a nightmare, maybe he was scared of it happening again? "Is it your nightmare?"

Logan nodded. "I wouldn't call it a nightmare, it wasn't that frightening its just...the emotions and the implications of the emotions and I can't deal with emotions and especially not these emotions and I'm bad at emotions anyway and it's just really inconvenient." He sighed and massaged his temples.

Virgil sighed, shifting himself closer to the logical side. "Emotions huh? Care to tell me what happened in the dream?"

"I'm not sure that would hel-"

"Dude, trust me. I swear I won't tell the others, I just want to help you out."

"Alright then." Logan sighed. "Well first off, I think it might have been real."

"Uh huh."

"So I was in the grove, you know the one the dark sides live in? I don't know how I got there but I figure Remus had brought me there since he was waiting for me there, he told me he wanted to show me something so I followed him. He lead me to this little circle of trees so dense they blocked out the sun, in the centre there was a little blanket that he invited me to sit on with him."

Virgil narrowed his eyes, he didn't think that sounded like Remus at all. But he let Logan continue.

"Then he brought out a little tv and said he'd saved all the documentaries I couldn't watch because Patton got too attached to the animals and we had to turn it over before an animal died. So obviously I took him up in his offer to watch it together, he even summoned some food- loganberry crofters on breakfast muffins- and a nice mint tea to share. Then we watched the documentaries and he even asked me little questions during it, he seemed so interested in the animals and honestly it didn't seem real but what if it was? If it was real then what if it happens again? You know I can't handle social interaction." He sighed and faceplanted into Virgil's shoulder.

Virgil held him for a few moments, just letting him calm down. "It's alright Lo, I understand how social interactions stress you out. It is only Remus though, remember how easily you delt with him on camera? Just treat him like you did then, he'll soon leave you alone." He smiled at the logical side- tur ing his head up just as Patton walked in.

The fatherly side wasn't aware of Logan's clear inner conflict as he informed the kiddos that it was in fact time for lights out. He walked each of them to their rooms, stopping Logan before he entered his. "Logan? Kiddo? I know you didn't get any sleep last night so I just want you to promise you'll try and sleep tonight. Can you do that for me?"

Logan sighed, it seemed no one understood his core issue here. He nodded reluctantly, he knew better then to upset Patton. He sighed again at how pleased Patton was with him, going inside his room. He took his glasses off- placing them on his bedside table then going to remove his tie. He glanced up at the mirror and sighed. "Couldn't wait until I fell asleep could you?"

"What if you killed him?"

"That's not what I asked, Remus." Logan sighed, walking over and sitting on his bed next to Remus. "I'm not killing anyone, that would be ridiculous." He began to undo the buttons of his shirt, rolling his eyes at the blush on the dark side's face. "Oh grow up, if you were going to be immature then you should have just waited until I had finished changing." He took his shirt off- only for Remus to grab it.

"Is this silk? Do you use silk? I could make a little pillow out of this!" He chuckled and wrapped the shirt around his head.

Logan chuckled, slipping on his pajama shirt- a navy blue with little stars on it. He slipped off his jeans and into his fluffy pajama bottoms, an inverted version of the top. He stretches and yawns- very tired and not all too willing to have to put up with Remus again.

Remus himself was in shock, he'd never seen Logan like this before- face flushed and teary eyed with a yawn. Remus felt his own green blush rise to his face, he hid his face in his puffy sleeves. He wished that Deceit's plan would work so he could keep Logan like this- on the other hand he would enjoy hanging out with the blue side a lot more.

Logan opened the draw by his bedside table and sighed, looking at Remus. "Is there any point in me actually going to sleep? Since you're just going to snatch me away like last night."

Remus cackled. "Snatch is slang for a woman's private parts in some places! You-"

"I'm well aware of that, Remus, I clearly meant literally, if I hadn't I would have said so. Please do pay attention, Duke's are notoriously intelligent yet you appear to be the exception to the rule."

Remus clutched his chest and gasped, faking being offended. "Oh how you wound me!" He flopped down on the bed and raised his arm into the air. "I see the light! Tell my brother I hate him..." He dropped his arm and closed his eyes, sticking his tounge out to mime death.

"And scene." Logan claps his hands together once and pats Remus on the stomach with a little chuckle. "Very entertaining Remus, thank you." He leans over to tidy Remus's mustache for him, raising an eyebrow. "So what are you plans tonight? More documentaries?"

"Throw knives at me."

"What?" Logan was taken aback by this, he hadn't expected this response. He wasn't adversed to the idea- Roman had told him to try more hobbies then just reading after all. He sat up, pondering the suggestion for a moment before nodding thoughtfully. "Knife throwing? Well object impermanence renders this an innocent activity and the math and strategy make it an activity I might enjoy."

Remus felt his heart skip a beat, he couldn't imagine a better pastime then being target practice- especially for the logical side. He'd always viewed Logan as a little cold hearted and now he had the chance to see how the sharper side- pun very much intended- behaved around sharp objects. He grinned and grabbed Logan's arm. "Oh this'll be so much fun!" He closed his eyes and teleported himself and Logan to the darksides grove.

The grove was absolutely beautiful- not something you'd expect from the darksides. There was some luscious trees surrounding the grove and a gorgeous pond in the centre- containing little fish and plants. At one side there was a large basking rock that Deceit was currently asleep under- in the cave under the rock- Logan understood that the serpentine side was cold blooded and recognised the basking rock as how Deciet warmed himself.

Logan couldn't help but glance towards the little flowery hill that Virgil had told the sides that he'd lived in before he joined them- Logan himself had memories of being five and sitting there whilst Patton made him way too many flower crowns.

Remus's area was surprisingly pleasant, a green and black throne- not unlike the one in Roman's room- a corkboard hanging from the branch of a tree and a couple of pillows. Logan sat down on a pillow and summoned some throwing knives, examining them- they were pure silver, a mahogany handle and a blue wax insignia of Logan's own logo. He looked up at Remus and smiled. "Ready when you are."

Remus nodded, summoning a lovely wooden wall that stretched between two trees. He ran at it and leaped forwards- turning halfway so when the ropes appeared, he was tied to the wall facing Logan. He flushed lightly at the pressure from the ropes, beaming at the logical side with a mischievous glint in his eye. "I'm ready Lo-Lo!"

Logan nodded approvingly and stood, turning to face the Duke. "Alright Remus, remember about object impermanence ok? This won't cause any harm if I mess up, understand?" He nodded approvingly at the Duke's own eager nodding, lifting one of the knives to aim.

Logan appreciated the logic and strategy involved with this activity, he knew he would have a little something more then begginers luck. He aimed the knife just above the curve between Remus's neck and shoulder- making sure he wouldn't hit Remus himself- and tossed it forward, making sure to stop at the correct angle.

When Roman had described love to Remus, the Duke hadn't expected to get these bubbily giddy feeling around Logan of all people- but just as his brother had fallen for the anxious side, Remus felt himself fall head over heels for the logical one. His heart skipped a beat when he saw the light glint off the knife and shine off Logan's glasses- hiding his eyes from sight. His breath quickened when Logan licked his lips in concentration, preparing to thow the blade- and when it hit, Remus caught Logan's lips twitching into a smile and found himself doing the same. As soon as the dust cleared and he saw that Logan had landed the knife almost perfectly he cracked into a huge grin. "Good shot Lo-Lo!! You ALMOST got me!" He laughed in his usual demented manner.

Logan chuckled, hiding his mouth behind his hand. "I wasn't trying to actually hit you, was that what you wanted?" He wouldn't be apposed to the idea, it would cause no permanent harm and if Remus concented then they'd be no reason not to- Patton wouldn't do it even if Remus begged, Virgil wouldn't because he'd fear it a trap and Roman wouldn't because it was what Remus wanted. Logan didn't understand that kind of thinking, if the fun is mutual then why not?

Remus's eyes lit up and he nodded excitedly, he clicked his fingers and suddenly he was tied to a wheel- slowly spinning. He raised an eyebrow to the logical side- a challenge. Remus didn't need words to make a suggestion- he was intrusive thoughts for a reason.

Logan nodded, rising to the challenge. He plucked another knife from the box and aimed it- he figured it would be more of a challenge if he went for the head or at least the prize parts. So when he tossed it, it was a surprise to him that it landed straight in the crest of Remus's neck- Logan had aimed for the head. He sighed and turned his head away from Remus and counted to three, turning back to see the dark side completely fine.

Remus saw the flash of disappointment on Logan's face and felt empathy for him- he remembered losing to Roman everytime they duelled, it was the same feeling. He flashed an optimistic grin and laughed. "You got me!! And in the neck too! I bet if you practise you'll get it perfect everytime soon!"

Logan smiled lightly, nodding and grabbing another knife. He took aim, confident in his ability- he needed to remember that this was the mindspace and that normal physics didn't need to apply. He took aim and threw the blade- boom! Right between the eyes, Logan felt a confident smirk tugging at his lips. He took another five seconds to reset Remus then allowed himself a smile. "Bullseye I believe."

Remus nodded, feeling some kind of pride for the logical side. "Aw weldone Lo-Lo!! You hit the nail through the eyeball!"

"I thought id missed your eyes? And it was a knife i was throwing."

"Its a metaphor sweetcheeks."

"Ah, I think it's the nail on the head then- but that is an entertaining metaphor". Logan chuckled and picked up another knife, juggling it lazily. "How about another round? I'm sure I can get it in your stomach this time."

Remus nodded, happy and still spinning. The duo continued like this all night- not realising that Deceit had his eyes on them. The serpentine side was watching them from under his basking rock, he had been trying his hardest to get Virgil to rejoin the darksides and had been having no luck. He looked at the strangely cruel smirk on Logan's face and let a similar smirk grown on his own face. "At least I have a plan B~"

These 'dates' continued for weeks upon weeks, each one a little more creative then the rest and all perfectly appealing to Logan's sensibility. Logan's new hobby of knife throwing improved greatly over the span of the next month and a half, he was able to get it in Remus's head whilst Remus was running through the forest. Remus had surprised him yesterday by catching the knife with his teeth- although Logan couldn't deny that he found it greatly impressive he would deny the blush that coated his cheeks in that moment.

Virgil was the only side to notice Logan's obvious glow when he appeared, he seemed very happy to help Thomas out- even when his advice wasn't listened too. Logan loved to tell Virgil everything that happened so Virgil wasn't surprised when Logans glow seemed to be a little weaker as the dates had slowed down to be once a week. Although, the couple was yet to become official- it was debatable whether Logan even viewed him and Remus as more then friends.

He was oblivious like that.

[bysombreseas]

The Dusk Patrol - Chapter One Excerpt

Authour’s Note: 

The first two thousand words or so of my WIP, a little scene where our protagonists are introduced and roles are established. Hope you all enjoy!

Taglist: @aurisadventure , @adayforducks , @danielleslayer , @wordsofpaintandsmoke , @smudged-glasses-writing

Episode 1 – Nightwalkers

It was only when the sun fell that Hope City lit up. Neon flames danced to the pounding chorus that spilled from club doorways and underground raves. The orderly suits of the business sector gave way to brightly dressed youths and drunken partygoers. Beer and blood and drugs beckoned from every doorway, while on the street a thousand honking taxis fought to push through endless gridlock.

There was a lot of crime in Hope City. Beyond the dazzling wealth of its tourist sector lay ramshackle neighborhoods and creeping decay. Hope was two cities, really; one was for the tourists, and the other, much poorer and far more violent, for its permanent residents.

It was in this second city that Dusk Patrol cadet Wren Nichang found herself, her police trainee badge flashing white every time she passed beneath a streetlight. The wind had started to pick up, ruffling her bob cut and sending a chill across her bare arms. It got cold quick at night, even in the summer.

Her mentor tonight was Brian Okave, six foot five and built like a steamroller. The Faith’s golden halo hung around his neck, though Wren couldn’t imagine him as the kind of man who prayed. Everything else about his uniform was standard Dusk Patrol; one Gaea L56 sidearm, one crackling walkie-talkie, a UV-capable flashlight and two clips of hollow-point bullets. Okave was one of the best mentors on the force and Wren was hoping she’d be assigned to shadow him for her training period. It was hard to tell if Okave reciprocated the feeling. There was a veneer of calm about him that rarely broke, even when he raised his voice.

“Nichang. Situational assessment.”

They were in a quieter part of town, the buildings ramshackle and the streetlights few and far between. It wasn’t a place that outsiders visited often, a hidden slum just blocks from one of the city’s biggest concert halls. “There are no cars in sight,” Wren said, squinting as she peered into the darkness. “Fence behind us isn’t short enough to jump. The houses across the street are too close together for there to be alleyways. There’s only one person in the immediate area, leaning against that streetlight. I assume that’s our contact.”

“Good eyes,” said Okave. “Professional assessment. Keep your guard up nonetheless. This is a bad part of town and some nightwalkers are very good at hiding.”

The wind picked up, a soft howling that competed with the distant city noises for attention. As they crossed the street, Wren folded her arms and wished she’d remembered to bring her jacket. “Sir?” she ventured. “Shouldn’t we be wearing plainclothes?”

“We should, yes.”

“Then why–”

“Department rules, Nichang. You’ll see when you meet her.”

“Oh.” Wren frowned. Suspense was never a good thing. “Have you known her for long?

“Several months. I met Anderson on a case. She was mugged on her way home, broke the poor bastard’s arm in three places. I brought up a murder I was working on and she gave me a name. Been my contact ever since.” There was a note of pride in Okave’s voice.

Wren nodded, unsure what to make of that. “With all due respect, sir, I didn’t realize the Dusk Patrol kept informants. None of my previous mentors had any.” Wren left out that her previous mentors hadn’t been too interested in casework. The mentors only got one night with each cadet before putting down names for permanent assignment, and most spent that time getting to know the trainees instead of doing actual policing. Wren–who couldn’t hold a conversation if it was glued to her hands–had spent the last two weeks red-faced and mumbling as each mentor’s initial enthusiasm faded into awkward silence.

“We don’t,” Okave replied to Wren’s query. “This is a special case.”

The figure waved at their approach. A girl, around a year younger than Wren, maybe eighteen. She wore an oversized sweater with the hood pulled up, torn jeans, and fingerless gloves. Her shoes were cheap knockoffs with a brand name like Noke or Jordens. Her face was drawn and pale, feral almost, her short brown hair so ragged and messy Wren was sure that she’d cut it herself with a dull knife and no mirror.

“Brian,” the girl said. Her voice was low. “Who’s the Asian chick?”

“Don’t call me that,” Wren scowled. She was an addict of some sort, that much was certain. Probably wearing the sweater to hide the marks in her arms–though from needles or teeth it was impossible to say. It wasn’t unheard of for people to give themselves up as blood banks, even if feeding was illegal outside of approved centres. Then again there’s the other possibility. She’s one of them.

“Sure thing cutie,” said the girl, with a smile. “I’m Anderson. Ann for short. Brian you didn’t answer my question.”

“Her name is Wren. She’s my shadow for the evening.”

“That’s cool, that’s cool. What am I here for? And I know you’re gonna say ‘the murder of course’ but which one? Cops gunned down three nightwalkers on Cinder Street–”

“Official statement is they drew first.”

“Cross that off. There’re some dead people in a hotel. I think it was a murder-suicide, but I don’t know much. Heard it was gruesome–blood and wax everywhere. Pretty spooky.”

“We want to know about this man.” Okave drew a rumpled photograph from his pants pocket and passed it to the girl. She looked it over, pursing her lips. “Try to remember, would you? I’m sure it can be worth your while.”

Wren watched the interaction from behind Okave. Dusk Patrol was weird in that way; for some things you had complete autonomy and others none. It was probably a rule somewhere you had to wear uniforms when talking to informants. Something about ‘maintaining a position of authority’. They were big on that stuff, pride before practicality.

The autonomy though. Only in the Dusk Patrol could you park your squad car two blocks away, walk to some crap-sack neighborhood and offer a lowlife a bribe without calling any of it in. Then again, when every case was an assault or murder, the criminals were monstrous nightwalkers and officer mortality rates were high enough that a sizeable part of the budget went to paying off life insurance, for most the perks weren’t worth the risk.

“I think I’ve seen him before.” The girl’s voice grew in confidence with each syllable. “Yeah, he was at Iris last Saturday. Bought a drink or two.”

“Iris?” Wren asked. “What’s that?”

“It’s a nightwalker club.” Anderson smiled, a big smile, large enough to show incisors. “I am a vampire.”

Wren stared and Okave sighed and Anderson’s wide smile grew wider.

“Let’s get back on topic here,” said Okave. “We know the guy was at Iris. I wouldn’t be here talking to you if we didn’t know that–”

“I work drinks,” Anderson explained to Wren.

“–so clearly I’m looking for more. Who was he? What did he do? Where did he go?”

“Why does it matter?”

Okave sighed again, running a dark hand over his forehead. “Because he’s been dead two days. We found his body in a dumpster on Queens. Throat slashed, drained dry. He had no wallet, no ID, and we’re waiting on forensics to match his prints. Autopsy came back yesterday; shows he wasn’t a nightwalker.”

“And then you started caring.” Anderson’s voice took on an edge. And that’s why we don’t have informants, Wren thought. To say the relationship between nightwalkers and the Dusk Patrol was poor would have been the understatement of the century. They hate us.

“I just do my job,” Okave said flatly. “The case came on my desk yesterday. A witness placed the guy somewhere in Iris’s vicinity, so I figured I’d talk to you.”

“Well I don’t know his name,” said Anderson. “But I know what he was.”

“That’s a start.”

Anderson scratched the back of her neck. If she felt threatened by the two officers she did not show it. My first vampire, Wren thought. Not entirely true, as she had seen other nightwalkers during training. Behind cells, though, or in interrogation rooms. Anderson was out in the wild. She was different than what Wren had expected. Cocky and rude, but not entirely unfriendly. How does it come so easily to her, that confidence? I wish I had that.

“He was a familiar,” Anderson was saying. “Your shadow know what I’m talking about?”

Okave looked to Wren, who was still staring. “Well?”

“Oh. Uh, they’re humans that want to be nightwalkers, right? Vampires usually.”

“It’s like a fetish,” Anderson chuckled. “He came up to the counter and asked for a beer. I think it was an excuse to make small talk; you should have seen his face when I told him my age. He asked my name, but I already knew where this was going. I told him I wasn’t interested in that sort of arrangement.”

“Blood for money?” Wren asked.

“Providence no, it’s blood for love. It’s blood so maybe a vampire might take you into their home, or even illegally turn you if you’re lucky.”

“I see.” Wren fought to keep her face blank. The thought of willingly letting a vampire drink her blood was a repulsive one, but she didn’t want to offend Anderson. “Does it happen often?”

This time it was Okave who answered. “Rarely, and rarer still the authorities don’t find out. There’s always the danger of ending up with an abusive vampire, or a pathological liar that just wants you for blood. That said, not that all vampires are manipulative, nor are nightwalkers in general–”

“Aw shut up,” Anderson interrupted. “Always with that PC bullshit. Anyways, I told the guy I wasn’t interested, and he left. To be honest I’m not too surprised he’s dead; dude was naïve, nervous. Probably his first time out.”

“Did you see him with anyone?” Okave asked, but the vampire just shrugged.

“Come on, Brian, it’s a busy place. It’s hard to make out faces in a crowd.”

Okave stuck a hand in his pants pocket and came out with a few bills. He let the glow from the streetlight catch on them. “How about these faces?”

Anderson snatched the money. She was almost a head smaller than Okave, her thin form dwarfed in his shadow. “Yeah, I recognize them. I remember your dead man too. Saw him leave with a woman, some ‘crat.”

“You have a name?”

Anderson shook her head. “No, she’s new, but I know the guy she was drinking with. His name is Tim Gossel.”

Gossel, she explained, had been turned legally at a government center when he was eighteen, one of the last before they got shut down. He was a college student and, Anderson added, a ‘hippy’. Wants to ban silver bullets and reopen turning centres. Thinks the Dusk Patrol and the Faith are evil. To Wren he sounded much worse than a hippy; he was a radical with dangerous views. No doubt he thought nightwalker criminals were all good people as well, victims of culture and circumstance and societal pressures.

At least she doesn’t think much of him either, Wren mused. The contempt in Anderson’s voice was palpable. “I didn’t think he was violent,” the vampire was saying. “Though I bet he’d take a swing at me if he knew I talk to you guys.”

It occurred to Wren just how risky Anderson’s actions were. People like Gossel were rife in Hope; no doubt they would consider speaking to the police some form of betrayal. “Does that worry you?” she asked, feeling a note of concern for the slouching girl.

“Fuck no I’d kick his scrawny ass,” Anderson laughed. “Kid’s three, I’m a hundred– Wren, are you alright? Your eyes just got real fuckin’ large again.”

“She’s fine,” Okave said. “If you don’t have anything else, I think we’re done here.”

“Fine by me.” Anderson straightened, adjusting her hood. “Nice to meet you, Wren. See you around sometime.”

Wren managed a quiet ‘bye’ as the girl walked past them, out of the streetlight and into the shadows. She closed her eyes, trying to clear her thoughts. She’s a vampire. The Dusk Patrol is supposed to kill her kind, and werewolves, and demons, and ghouls, and any kind of nightwalker that makes trouble. But she doesn’t care, no, she’s our friend. And she’s a hundred, plus what, the seventeen, eighteen years she was human? Did she call me cute?

Providence, she did. That’s so cool.

[monochromaticinsignias]

Park Jimin | Your, My

Full Title : Your Last Dream, My Last Dance

      Sub / Other Title : Dreams, Dance, and Wedding Rings

Bestfriends au

Non idol au

Words : 12k

A/N : I am SO sorry for the lack of updates! ;_; This one is longer than what I usually write, so I hope this makes up for my absence? Have a shit ton of angst, luv. 

Ps. By far the longest I’ve written?

Summary :  The two of you were at a rocky path, it's just not how it used to be--as best friends, not when he completely misunderstood you. Not when all you did was to keep him away from pain. You'd do anything to keep your best friend happy, even going as far as to let go of your only wish for his sake.

     Sub - plot : You love ‘him’, you really did. So when ‘he’ left, you can’t help but question yourself; “what if I told him?”

Your Last Dream, My Last Dance | ft. Jungkook

The sweet sound of bells was present in that dreamy landscape, just as he himself imagined. But there was no one there atop that lone beautiful cliff with an outstanding view of the setting sun, only him, and his wife to be.

The black haired man smiles sweetly, the orange rays delicately picturing his sculptured face as his arms round the waist of the girl in front of him. 

She looks beautiful in white. 

The wind suddenly picks up around them, and it only increased her beauty as he held her hands in his own. As the magical sounds of the bells died down, he slips a pretty, gold ring on her finger. Smiling widely as he laughs, and scoops her up for a kiss that ended all worries, and all heartaches. 

He doesn’t want to wake up, but he does.

Jungkook awakens from his sleep due to the ringing of his phone, his form held upright as he looked around for the device. It took him off guard a second later, however, when he feels a cold sensation slipping down his cheeks. 

He reaches for his phone whilst swiping off .. a tear, from just under his eyes. 

Why is he crying?

Shakily pressing the answer button, he nears it to his ear. About to demand why he was awakened at an ungodly hour in the early morning when the caller beats him to it.

It takes him a minute or two, but when the words finally processed in his mind, he breaks down and drops the phone.

You are Park Jimin's best friend, although many thought you two were a couple, you were not. You were his friend and he was yours, there's a fine line dividing your hearts and you two preferred it that way. You'd do anything for him, especially when his happiness is at stake. And of course it's not only him, it's also for his wife-to-be, Seolhyun. 

You knew each other ever since you were both children, your parents are awfully close that your mothers even had you sleep next to each other when you were babies. There's a photo in the album that proves it. Each photo probably shows that wherever you are, Jimin is there, and wherever he is, you're there. You are technically each other's half. 

You were with him and he was with you through running around playgrounds in kinder, through roleplaying in gradeschool, through puberty in highschool and to that stressful part in college that leads on to your jobs. You've known him for more than a decade. 

Many assumed that since you two have been together for so long than your exes and his, it would've been impossible not to have catch up on some feelings with one another. But no matter how much they tried to push one onto the other, it just doesn't work. 

You tried working it out in a date, but that ended pretty amusing. Because at the end of the day, you two came to a conclusion that it just won't work out--that you're better off as besties. 

No one complained, and thus the start of your life adventures with your best friend.  

That was until the two of you left the province to go to the heart of the South; Seoul, where he stumbled -literally- on a fine girl named Seolhyun. You remember standing by the side flashing him kissy faces when he kept apologizing with a red face, and stammered a whole lot before going back at your side. You figured he really liked her, so you took the initiative to get her number with your winks that practically screamed 'I'll-help-you-get-the-dude'. Which, is not quite needed since Jimin obviously has the hots for her too. 

The adventures you've had with Jimin ended slowly ever since the appearance of the beautiful, kind hearted Seolhyun who trusted the two of you and is fine whenever you two get a bit touchy, not too much, but subtle. She knew you two were friends and that's that, but of course, a girlfriend's gotta be jealous sometimes. 

So there came the first argument. 

You were just sitting on one of your chairs in front of the canvas, a brush in your hand with the bristles coated in a leafy green colour. Jimin came barging in at four in the afternoon looking so drained and somewhat guilty. He clasped his hand around your wrist, taking you by surprise. 

"Jimin?" you voiced out that day, "What are you doing here? I thought you were on a date with Seo?" he flinched the second he heard her nickname. The two of you had been close, being girls and all, and somehow.. She managed to get so jealous.. To the fact that she assumed something so wrong and taboo. 

"I was," Jimin mumbled, not once letting go of your wrist, but tightening it in lieu of dropping it down. "But you came up in the subject." he finished. You were much too bright to quickly pick up that the topic about you was not entirely on a positive note, but a negative one. 

You chuckled, "Ah, did she spoke of our sleepover? I told her not to te--" 

"You need to stay away from us." The words he said processed slowly in your brain, your smile ever so slowly giving way for a frown. 

"W.. What?" 

He sighed. 

"We can't hang out that much anymore. I.. I have Seolhyun, now." 

You dropped the brush in shock and disappointment. Did she doubted you and your sincere feelings for Jimin as a friend? Did she not.. Trust you and him? Or was this just what she really wanted? 

"Yes, you have her, so what? That doesn't mean I have to stay away from my best friend, now, right?" came your strained reply. 

The ethereal looking man sighed, his fingers running across his hair in exasperation. 

You were always so stubborn, you wouldn't back down. 

"She thinks we're having an affair behind her back, [Y/n]. I can't let her think like that." he said in defeat, an utterly lost look in his eyes. Minutes ago, he's in a conflict because he didn't know whether to go by his lover's wish or keep the friendship he had for more than two decades. 

It was her or you. 

"But we're not!" you exclaimed, splattering the rest of the paint accidentally on the ground due to your unexpected outburst. "How can she think like that? She knows you're loyal to her and her alone! Why is--" 

"Shut up! Don't speak to her that way because she has the right to think like so! She's my lover and you're my best friend! A girl, [Y/n]. It's obvious she'd be thinking that we have something going on, and I can't let that happen." You fell silent as you watched Jimin pace around the room in a worried manner. 

Constant murmurs leaving his lips. 

"And I can't let the love of my life go.." he whispered. 

You felt bad. 

You had no idea Jimin felt like this all along. He must've been torn in decisions, you knew he thinks of your well being as much as he thinks of hers, and to decide between a lover he wants for the rest of his life and a friend he's supposed to keep in touch with.. Is difficult. 

So perhaps.. Maybe this time, you could help him, even if it hurts you. 

Jimin is a part of your life ever since you were born, and as you know, you were his half. His platonic half, you two had a friendship unbreakable. For him to suddenly just say that you should.. Keep your distance, even with all the plausible reasons he has up in his sleeve.. Is just terrible. 

But for him, you could do it. 

".. Okay," 

He looked up at you with wide, beady eyes that glossed over with a sanctum of tears. He couldn't believe his ears when you agreed to his words, and somehow can't help but feel anguish at the sight of you looking so defeated. 

"Y-you.." he stammered. 

And to confirm his statements, you gave him a strained smile. 

"I'll uh, keep my distance. I just hope that what I'm about to do will at least help you make amends with her, again.." 

You were an angel brought to this world and Jimin knows it, you were so kind--too kind. He knows that maybe at some point, he's using this to his advantage, but he can't help it. When Seolhyun appeared, it seemed as if she had been the centre of his universe. With his best friend retaining the position of being the millions of stars that depicted his everyday with you. 

With a mixed cry and laugh, he hugged you tightly. Repeating his thank you's all over again before parting and scurrying away with a wave of your hand. 

Leaving you with an unsure heart of despair and longing. 

The weeks that followed afterwards is complicated, difficult. You were so spent away, the brushes that flew over the canvas are too dull. The paintings are too simple, so bland. Your mind isn’t working properly and for some reason, everything is so grey and black and white. 

You were used to your best friend’s presence. 

To have him like, away for more than ten feet as much as crazy as it sounds, is rather depressing.

You were huffing as you entered an art shop, you were a usual there so you knew where is what. Taking a basket, you subconsciously trudged through the aisles and greeted whenever an employee you know greets you.

You took more brushes, more paint, and pencils and sketchpads. One can never get too much pencils when it comes to art.  

You weren’t looking in front of you as you made your way towards the cashier, yawning to yourself as you began imagining what you might paint later. 

Or maybe you could just go to the park--

Completely taken off guard, a body slams into you quite literally, something landing on your foot so badly that it caused you to grasp onto your basket for dear life as you stumbled backwards. Luckily enough that you didn’t fall, but half your side did hurt like hell. And your [c] Timbs are now dirty!

“Oh, oh crap. I am so sorry, I swear I--” 

A bit infuriated yet calm, you look up, only to see a man your age. He was taller for sure, and his black hair is slightly swept to side, he’s garbed in a black tee and pants--and Timberlands.. !? 

Oh, an eye catcher, this dude is. If only he didn’t ram into you.

You noticed he has not completed his sentence, and is instead staring at you in what seems to be awe. You scrunch your nose lightly.

“Yeah, well, sorry, too. Now I must be on my way and wash my boots--”

That seemed to perk his head up, because you were not even far away when his hand grasps your wrist. His heavenly voice ringing out.

“Wait! I uh, I’ll pay for you,” this caught you off guard. 

Looking at him over your shoulder, you blink. 

Ah, he’s cute.. 

His cheeks went pink. 

Immediately realizing what just happened because you, apparently, had just said that out loud, you jump backwards. But his grip was firm, thus causing him to topple forward as well, only decreasing the space between you.

And if his cheeks were pink before, they were flaming now. 

“Oh-uh, I er, thank you.” he swiftly takes the basket from you and speed walks to the cashier, giving you no choice -even if you scream- but to follow the heavenly bunny like stranger. 

Along the way, you couldn’t help but notice you’re a bit livelier now. A smile decorating your lips as you stand behind him, watching as he paid for your things, including his as well; which seemed to be a bunch of photo papers and a scrapbook. 

“You really shouldn’t have bought me these.” you mention as he held the door open for you as the two of you made your exit from the shop. 

A boyish chuckle erupts from beside you.

“Nah, it’s the least I could do. I’m Jungkook by the way,” he introduces himself.

You find yourself smiling, looking at him, only to find him already doing the same to you.

“I’m [Y/n].”

Seeing as it was quite the evening, Jungkook walked you back home. And you found out he’s actually quite near to your house, his being only like, a block away from yours. 

You were smiling the entire time you entered your abode, laying down the bag of stuff he had bought for you due to that accident. You began to put them out of the bag one by one, checking if you got all necessities when your fingers grasped a torn piece of paper. 

Puckering your lower lip out in thought, you pull it out, only causing your cheeks to redden in the subtlest way possible.

;>

09 - XXX - XXXX

Jungkook

You went to bed that night peacefully, you enjoyed that day. Meeting Jungkook was a great way to actually get rid of Jimin in your head for a while, you had nothing more to worry about. At least, not when your best friend’s about to be married to the love of his life. 

The next day, as promised in the tiny scrap of paper in your bag told, you received a call with the exact numbers written on it. 

“Helloooo~” you giggle as soon as you heard him drawling out the last syllable of that simple word, you can basically see his contagious smile over the phone. 

Setting down your cup of coffee, you leaaned against the counter, smiling.

“Good morning, Jungkook.”

A muffled laugh was heard from the other line, a masculine voice, actually, so you figured he wasn’t alone. Still smiling, you let them bicker, until--

“Hi! I’m Hoseok--”

“Hyung, gimme back my phone!!”

“--Guk really finds you easy to talk to and says you’re pretty, so can I ask you out on a date?”

“H-Hyung!? You traitor!”

Another laugh and some occasional tumbles and thuds erupted from the other end, and you remained silent until you could process the words the man named Hoseok had told you.

You have never been called pretty, not even by your exes--which is a stupid thing for them not to say, actually. Jimin’s definition of calling you ‘pretty’ is similar to how he says ‘you look cool’ and that’s it. So you could explain why your heart is beating so unnaturally fast right now.

Unaware of the escalating screams on the call, you were only taken back into place when you heard the familiar sound of a door slamming shut, and the sound of a body hitting a mattress. 

“Sorry, my friend is a bit of a blabbermouth.”

You bit your lower lip, anticipating the events that will probably come after.

“Oh, that’s fine. Reminds me of Jimin, really.”

You weren’t even able to process what you said until you said it out loud. 

For fuck’s sake, why did you have to mention his name right now?

The other end was silent for a tiny bit, and you nearly sighed in disappointment to yourself, thinking he had already hung up. 

But then.

“Oh, you have a boyfriend?” he sounded a little down.

You jumped at your place, “Best friend! He’s my best friend, actually..” you drawl out a nervous laugh afterward because you sounded quite desperate to your liking. 

As if your lucky day -which it is- , Jungkook laughs.

“Great~ So does this mean I can take you out later?”

No words escaped your mouth, you stood there dumbfounded in your dining area, a stupid grin decorating your red face.

“R-really?”

He snorts, “Yeah, really. Why not? I really want to get to know you--a-and maybe even more, if you don’t mind..” he grows embarrassed at the later parts of his sentence, his voice growing meeker with each passing second. 

This was just a man who you had bumped into at an art store, and yet your heart seemed to agree with the chances of meeting up with him again.

So with a doubled grin, you chuckled.

“I don’t mind.”

True to his word, as soon as it struck ten, he was already at your door. You had dressed up well but not too much. Casual yet fancy along with your favorite pair of Timbs to go. 

You knew you made the right choice when he flashed a certain glimmer in his eyes when he took notice of your boots.

“I noticed you wearing a different pair last night but I didn’t expect you to like them as much as I do.” your smile widens when you realized he was wearing the exact pair. No words were exchanged when he raised his arm for you to take, you only held it with a sweet lopsided grin, and stepped off your door. 

You had lunch at a place in between fancy and normal, and you wouldn’t have it any other way. You thought he’d actually be the guy who usually takes out their dates to movies and such and spoils them of stuff, but Jungkook actually took you to the amusement park. Where he, by the way, murdered your soul after three continuous roller coaster rides.

He didn’t stop there. He made you go on all dangerous rides and even went laser tagging, which you beat him at, much to his surprise.

Your day was filled with laughter and bliss as the day eased slowly into night, you were more than two hours in the amusement park that you actually lost track of the time.

You were only reminded by it when you were eating your cotton candy and laughing at a humiliating story of Jungkook, when your phone vibrated in the pockets of your jeans--indicating a message.

Excusing yourself, you took it out only to view the all too familiar name of your best friend. 

‘Where are you? You’re not home, it’s our movie night! :(’ 

It read. And for a moment, you felt a tad bit guilty for forgetting that it was indeed your movie night. It was a Friday! But how could you remember it when he skipped the last three in a row?

Sighing in exasperation, you tucked the device back in your pocket and faced Jungkook -who looked concern- with a strained smile.

“Sorry, it was Jimin.”

He bobs his head, fringe bouncing as he took half of the cotton candy in his mouth. Working wonders as he downed it as if it was a tiny candy. 

“Best friend problems?” he casts you a glance, enough for him to see your twitching eye. Your knuckles were white and your cheeks were flushed red in what seems to be annoyance as you nodded in reply. 

“Care to tell me?” he tips it off with a little grin, his pearly bunny white like teeth showing--you couldn’t resist smiling back. “He has a.. what you can call a serious relationship right now, he seems to really like her--a-and we’re friends, too. Me and the girl. But as of now, she’s ticked off with the fact that Jimin and I are still close when he already has her. Now he’s not hanging out that much anymore with me, and I didn’t know he’d be dropping by to watch movies tonight because he skipped the last three Fridays!” you ended with a large intake of air, unable to believe that you were able to finish that in a single breath.

Jungkook looks pretty baffled, obviously not expecting the entire story. 

You take a glance, expecting a face of discomfort, or anything that will give way of his sudden dislike, but there was none. If anything, there’s only understanding and a soft smile. 

“Hey, don’t worry ‘bout him. If he already has someone, then it shouldn’t bother you at all. Everyone’s bound to fall in love, right?” there’s a peculiar shimmer in his eyes when he said that that made your heart skip a beat. 

Although you knew him just a day ago, you couldn’t help but feel like you knew him forever. It’s probably just you liking him a teeny, wee bit, though. 

So you ignored the constant vibrating of your phone and locked eyes with the handsome man in front of you.

It was ten in the evening when the two of you stumbled back to the front of your door, still laughing at each other’s corny jokes and humiliating stories. 

He bids you a good night, even going far like kissing the back of your hand in either pure sincerity or mockery. Either way, it made your cheeks pink. 

Jungkook waves goodbye to you before hopping on his motorbike and riding off.

With a stupid grin on your lips, you entered the confines of your abode, only to freeze when you spotted Jimin standing just at the entrance way to the living room. A remote in his hand and his phone in the other. By the silence, you can hear the familiar dialogue of “The Fault in Our Stars” playing, a tear-jerking movie you watched with him and laugh about stupid stuff in the end. 

“.. Hi.” you greeted him after taking off your boots. 

Jimin looked ready to explode, his face already similar to a ripened tomato.

“Hi?! Are you insane!? It’s this late and you arrived just now—and who was that guy I heard from outside?!” he bellowed, throwing his hands up in the air in distaste. 

You made sure that he can see the roll of your eyes, wanting to present that he wasn’t only the one at fault here. 

You walked past him, bumping his shoulder with your own.

“Yeah, say that to the guy who ignored me for weeks on end, skipped promised movie nights, and has the ego to come here and be angry at me.” you spat, plopping back on the couch as you switched to a different movie. You don’t feel like watching the usual.

Judging by the silence, you knew Jimin’s face had softened and his anger died down. 

Good.

He should at least know he’s partially at fault, as well.

You said nothing when he sits on the other end of the couch, but you can feel his stare digging at the side of your face, eager to look for attention or any sort of reaction he’d get from his silence.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ignore you.”

You snorted loudly in mockery.

“I meant that!” he shouts, and you find yourself shrinking and being annoyed all over again. You didn’t know why you were acting like this. It’s not like you’re his lover or anything, you were just a best friend.

Jimin crosses his arms, facing the other way with a glare.

“Why the heck are you being like this anyway?” he mumbles discreetly.

You didn’t know yourself, but you had a hunch as to why. 

You were so attached to Jimin that you were scared of letting go of him, your best friend, whisked away by his lover and you’d be left alone. You had no right to keep him to yourself, not when you know you aren’t the one making him happy. You were just a best friend, that title meant the world, but you still couldn’t help but want him around.

“I’m sorry, too. I know you were just worried.” 

But that doesn’t change the fact that he ignored you as if you were nothing. 

The voice plagued your mind, and you know that much that it’s true.

It doesn’t change the truth that he can neglect you because he has Seolhyun, now.

At your eigth date with Jungkook, he had taken you to watch movies. The cinema was quite packed, in fact, and the two of you had just bought your tickets and popcorn and are preparing to go inside the theater while sharing another one of your jokes. 

You were too busy laughing at him demonstrating an embarrassing move he once did at high school to bother apologizing properly to someone you had bumped into. 

But before you could take a step further, his voice spoke amidst the crowd. 

Evidently freezing you in place.

“[Y/n]? Is that you?” 

You could feel your heart thundering as you were turned to face him, eyes going wide at the sight of his hand holding another. Seolhyun, who was glaring at you for some reason.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” 

Jungkook.

You figured the aforementioned man in your thoughts took his place beside you, with Jimin’s face contorting into that of confusion. His free hand on your shoulder withdrawing itself rapidly. 

“Who’s this?” he emphasizes his tone, eyes narrowing and hand tightening around Seolhyun’s, the latter squealing in pain. 

You gulp.

But why should you be nervous?

“Jungkook, this is Jimin, my best friend. Jimin, this is Jungkook, my..” you drifted off almost immediately upon realizing the fact that you and him aren’t under any labels of sorts. Your silence was slowly irking your best friend, his foot tapping in impatience.

Say he’s a colleague or something--

“Boyfriend.” Jungkook spoke up after assuming that your voice had gone.

You went frigid, colors draining from your face.

Did he just!?

There was a look of disappointment.. or hurt, that flashed over Jimin’s face. You didn’t know why, and why he had the audacity to feel so, but he seemed enraged all of a sudden.

“We’ll talk, later.” he hisses at you, whisking Seolhyun away to the busy crowd in lieu of properly saying farewell.

Jungkook turns you back to the place towards the cinema, huffing out his irritation, not realizing his draped arm on your shoulders.

“That guy’s your best friend? Pfft. Seems like he has issues.” you couldn’t resist the smile covering your lips at his words, foolishly chuckling along with him.

Until.

“Wait, what’s the deal with you saying you’re my boyfriend, huh?!” you slammed a fist on his chest, Jungkook, laughing at your attempted attack. He didn’t even budge. Rolling his shoulder, he winks your way.

“What. I was going to ask you if you’d be my girlfriend, either way.”

“W-what!?” Redness overcame the entirety of your face, your fingers twitching as the man before you placed a surprising kiss at your left cheek. Chuckling at the warmness of your face.

Lacing his hand in yours, he pulls you to the cinema. And for that moment, your worries were briefly removed. 

When Jungkook dropped you off your house as his ‘official girlfriend’ and had parted ways for the night, you wore a smile on your face.

You have completely forgotten what you were supposed to expect the second you came to the living room. There, Jimin was waiting, like he did when you ignored him. But he didn’t look too happy. No, he was mad.

“Care to spill why you never told me of this?” he demands, stopping in front of you with a glare that sent shivers up and down your spine. 

You licked your lips in thought, crossing your arms.

“It didn’t matter to you, you have Seolhyun now, remember?” you reminded him, reminded him of the same words he used on you. 

Steam blew from his ears as his cheeks reddened in what seems to be annoyance.

“I thought we’re through with this? Are you jealous right now? This argument ended months ago. I have Seolhyun for more than two years!”

You faced him back, a glare in your face as you snorted.

"That doesn't change the fact that you pushed me away every single time, your best friend you were supposed to hang out with, as well!"

Jimin's anger reduces lightly, but it wasn't removed completely.

"That—"

"I waited for you, Jimin. I waited but no! What would make you drop your girlfriend so easily for your best friend, anyway?" you looked away, feeling the tears brim your eyes.

Silence took over the room, but you were a hundred percent sure the tension is lingering somewhere.

You wanted to take back what you said, knowing it will make the situation worse, but you couldn't. It felt right stating what you were feeling, how unfair it was of him to just think of.. of her.

".. Nothing,"

Your ears perked up, and you glimpsed back.

"What?"

Jimin looked appalled, his eyes searching everywhere but yours. As if dancing from one place to another.

Finally, after what seems to be an eternity, he looks at you. Certainty playing right through his shining eyes of ebony. There's this unsettling sentiment creeping into you—almost as if warning you that something bad's about to happen.

"You're right. Nothing would make me drop her for you."

Your fingers twitched in response, eyes growing astonishingly wide at his wordings. Did he just flat out degraded you? Worse, think that you're not even needed in his life, anymore?

"Yeah, why should I care about that boyfriend of yours, huh? You live your own life, and I live mine. It's not either of our obligations to know what happens to who." Jimin was ranting right now, eyes rolling in infuriation as he turned his back on you and without hesitance, started walking away with a huff.

Not wanting to feel inferior to him, you cursed aloud.

"Fuck you, Park Jimin—I hate you for doing this to me!"

That made him stop in his movements. Taking in a minute to process the words you blurted behind him. And when he did, he was certain that the clenching of his heart was evident that very instant.

With tight fists at his side, he strolled away, mumbling a sentence you managed to hear.

"I hate you all the more."

A gasp leaves your lips the very minute he walked out of your door, and possibly even your life. You never took Jimin to torment you with a deadly choice of terms in his vocabulary as a rebuttal, but he did, and it hurt.

It hurt badly.

You didn't know what went wrong, nor when the tears started slipping away from within the confines of your eyes, all there was is pain, agony, and regret. You could've handled the situation better than bursting out like that. If you did.. would the situation have changed?

Either way, you were on the floor, a blank look casting over your face as his words went on loop in your mind. Repeating itself to abuse your faulty entity all over again.

"[Y/nnnnn]~!"

You slammed the locker door shut, not fazed at all even when Jimin was already present from behind the once opened locker door.

Facing him with a childish grin, you seemed to have an inkling feeling as to why he's looking so giddy at 8 am on the first day of high school.

"Good morning, Chim. How's summer?" you grinned in a toothy fashion.

The playful nudging of his sent you laughing, thus causing him to roll his eyes with a reverberating chuckle.

"Shut up, we spent summer together. Enough of that, though! We have all our classes together!! Ain't that great!?" he squealed, jumping in his place with two sheets of paper -which were already crumbling by the way- in his hands. His actions, of course, drew attention. To which you slammed a hand on his mouth to prevent him from squealing all the more.

You give him an eye smile, taking his hand in yours as you tugged him along the crowding hallway.

"Yeah, yeah, that's great if we don't wanna be late for uh.. Pre-Calculus."

That seemed to bring forth his focus.

"Oh! Shit, [Y/n]—we're gonna be late!"

The remains of the laughter that bubbled from your throat went free, unable to actually say that it's what you had just mentioned a while ago and just let him drag you along.

"[Y/nnnn].. [Y/nnnnnnnnn]."

You heard the distinct sound of your best friend calling your name softly from the other side of the room. There were a few, choked sobs according to your hearing, and maybe even hiccups. But you didn't know why.

"Jimin?" you mumbled silently, still drowsy at the fact that you were awakened at whatever time it was in the early morning, but still, Jimin's a priority right now. He rarely cries.

So with the continuous soft whimpers you're still hearing, you slipped off the soft mattress and wore your bunny slippers. Rubbing your eye with a fist, you yawned, walking out in the hallway and not wasting a precious second to go inside Jimin's.

He was sleeping over since his parents are out on a business trip, and since he was practically like a second child to your own family, he was given a place to stay as long as he likes.

Back on the matter at hand, you closed the door behind you as you stared at the figure beneath the bundle of thrown covers with pillows surrounding it as if it's his territory.

You walked closer.

"Jiminie,"

The figure stopped shaking.

A mop of black hair peeped out from within the cover, then came the doe eyes that you've come to see every day. They were red and sore, however.

He sniffled.

"What's wrong? Nightmares gotcha?" you asked, sitting beside him on the bed with open eyes. Wanting to help him even at the deadly hour of the morning.

Jimin sits upright, the duvet falling onto his shoulders as he sniffs.

"You died."

You blinked in surprise.

His lower lip trembled.

"W-we were already in our twenties and we got into a fight, t-t-then all of a sudden you just.. I couldn't get to you because I d-didn't know and—"

He cut himself right off, professedly unable to continue that nightmare as he shook in his place.

".. And I was all alone."

His tears were once again falling like a waterfall as he sobbed into a pillow.

You were a loss for words. How did Jimin, a fourteen-year-old, cry over a nightmare like this?

Simple, it only meant he valued you so much that he'd cry about you.

Giggling, you began rubbing his back in order to calm him down. Under your touch, you could feel him easing up, his shaky sobs lessening until it turned into tiny sniffles.

"That's funny. You know I'm with you through all of this, right? I wouldn't be leaving you anytime soon! I won't be the best man if I died young~" you teased, pushing him playfully to get a reaction.

And you did.

A small laugh that became chortles, before he was full on smiling at you as if he hasn't had that nightmare from only mere minutes ago.

He appreciated you so much for being there for him.

"Thank you, [Y/nie]."

For being his best friend.

"Anytime."

To say that you were devastated by your best friend's departure from your home - and most likely your life - would be a total understatement. He meant so much to the point that you worried and fussed over him when he's not even your lover.

You didn't even care if he doesn't think of how you're doing like you do to him. All that matters is knowing if he is alright.

It had actually been another good four months without his contact, and you didn't think you could go on for such a long time. But that's all thanks to Jungkook, your own lover who held you upright the entire time.

He's been acting kinda off for a while now, though.

Ever since your latest argument with him concerning about Jimin—then again, all of your arguments are about the latter, he started being weird.

A morning after a week of not speaking with Jungkook, you felt odd.

You had awoken on the same side of the bed as usual and did your morning routine, but decided to skip a day of work with the permission of your boss because you felt peculiar that day.

So, you busied yourself around the house. Dusting off the countertops, doing the laundry, jamming to music, baking random goods, and reading a bunch of books that came from the shelves.

It was ten in the morning when it happened.

At first, you didn't mind it. It was just a headache, it can be done by anything, right? Maybe you really tired yourself out, or maybe it's the migraines kicking in. You have been staying up late for weeks on end.

But when it started to worsen; your vision blurring, your chest aching, and nose trickled down your nose, was when you started to be concerned.

All of a sudden, the world was spinning around and there was this sound of a flatline ringing in your ears sharply as if it was meant to slice your eardrums. Your head was being hammered and then your body was hot all over like you were sunk into a pool of lava and is entirely coated by an array of blue and red flames. Each step you took felt as if you are stepping on burning embers and sharp knives.

Everything stung.

As you swayed for your phone in order to call for help, your body gave in to the unexpected pain you were going through. Your knees collided with the ground, and your upper body followed right after. You landed on the carpeted floorings of your house, wheezing for air as your eyes rolled to the back of your head. Shakily muttering his name, but getting no obvious help, you were caved in by the darkness.

"I can't wait,"

Seolhyun smiles sweetly as she coils her arms around her husband to be's shoulders. Looking at what he was doing as she stood behind him.

Atop the table laid out envelopes in peach coloring. Tiny roses designed around the corners of the cover with the initials of his name and his bride calligraphed beautifully on the front with gold ink.

Seolhyun kisses the crown of his head, "Thank you for making my dream a reality." with that said, she untangles her arms and walks off to do other necessities for their upcoming grand memory.

Jimin is silent as he brought one envelope to the air, a longing sigh leaving his lips as he turned it over and read the name to whom it's intended for.

[Y/n] [L/n] ,

~ You are hereby invited to the wedding of Song Seolhyun & Park Jimin ~

He had done the invitations himself, wanting to convey his feelings for everyone they plan to invite. Every heartfelt letter was done by him, so he hopes that those who received the invitation would be grateful.

Jimin glances to the parchment on the table at the side, it contained nothing but his handwritten note towards his best friend. The girl he had a fight with over a month ago and had just honestly remembered her when Seolhyun asked if they'll invite her as well.

He felt like crap when he did remember.

He knew that they fought badly and had left her house in grave terms, but it was not an excuse to forget her that easily just because of his upcoming wedding. No matter how busy he was.

Sighing, Jimin tucks in the parchment in the designated envelope before sealing it shut. He held it in his hands for a good minute, heart clenching.

She'll forgive him, right?

He tightens his hold on it.

She'll come by to his wedding.

He sets it down and stands up with a hopeful smile.

He's sure of it.

The soft sound of a beeping monitor overlapped your sense of hearing. Gently as it began, the black void suffocating you blended in with pretty colours. Slowly morphing into white nothingness.

Or so you thought.

The first thing you saw the second your eyes adapted to your environment are the white walls and [c] curtains at the side. It was fairly cold in the room, and the beeping sound of the monitor seemed close than what you actually thought.

It came to you that you are in a hospital bed, wires attached mostly to your arm. No doubt analyzing your pulse and your heart rate.

You breathed in, then out.

Who brought you here?

As if your questions were answered, the door to your room opens up, only for a doctor to come inside with a clipboard in his hands. When he spots you awake and sitting, a solemn look comes across his face.

"How are you feeling, [Y/n]? I'm Namjoon, your assigned doctor."

You nod your head to his statement, serving as a greeting. You cleared your throat and replied that you're fine now than before, soon asking about how you got to the hospital in the first place.

Namjoon blinks, saying that a neighbor had come to your house because you were not answering the phone when you were called. And had come across to your unconscious form on the ground.

You sighed in relief, unaware of the heartbreaking news that will come upon you a minute away.

The doctor sits beside you, handing you his clipboard in silence. Not completely trusting his voice, fearing it may crack at the depressing discovery in store for you.

Unsure why he had gone soundless, you lowered your gaze to the bold words written in the paper.

You look back up, only for him to frown at you.

"I'm sorry."

You walked down the sidewalk with a blank expression on your face, a bunch of papers clutched in your hand as you trudged your way to the front porch of your house. Stopping by the mailbox when you saw a part of a letter sticking out.

Humming absentmindedly and without a care in the situation, you slipped it off the mailbox. Your eyes immediately brimmed with tears the second you realized what kind of letter it was.

You bit your lip as you raced for the door, barging inside and shutting it close with the softest force. You raked a hand through your hair in hopelessness, wondering what you did to have such a consequence.

Taking off your shoes, you proceeded to the living room, planning on just shutting the blinds and bask in the darkness whilst rethinking your entire life. But you were halted in place when you spotted a hunched figure sitting on the couch.

He looks up.

Your lower lip trembled.

"Jungkook.."

There was a look of forlorn dancing within his eyes as he stands up, whispering your name and towering over your slightly shaking stature.

You didn't speak, you waited for him to utter something—anything—but maybe that's where you've gone wrong.

Maybe you should've said something first.

He sighs, worriedly looking at the floor as if it suddenly enraptured his senses.

"Listen, I don't think this," he points at you and him, "Is working out." he finishes with an exhale.

From that moment on, you felt your life draining out.

Were your ears deceiving you?

But you know they're not. Jungkook himself said so. You were not dreaming, you were living reality. And he had just broken up with you.

"What? But we're doing fine!" you argued, suddenly clutching the papers close to you. Feeling inferior at the fact that Jungkook doesn't seem disturbed at all by what you said.

He shrugs simply.

"I don't think so, [Y/n]," there was disdain all over his voice. "Every time we talk, it's about us—then it drifts over to Jimin."

The gears in your head began turning.

"It's always Jimin. I get that he's your best friend and you fought with him, but for fuck's sake, [Y/n]."

You began to understand what drove him to his breaking point.

But the second you looked up at him in fear, in hope of correcting what you've done wrong. One look at his determined face, you knew you were too late.

It was obvious that he was trying his best not to let the anger get the best of him, but it was showing off in his diction and the tone of his words. His balled up fists at his side showed up as a shred of evidence, too. He was just attempting to be calm so he wouldn't blow up.

Probably as his last act of tolerating your behavior.

"Was I not enough for you? I thought I helped you overcome the fact that Jimin is no longer your best friend?" he presses on, taking a step closer to you. "Are you still living a lie? Or maybe it's him that you love, after all."

Your eyes widened, and immediately butted back.

"That's not true. I love you, Jungkook!"

But that's all you could say.

He narrows his eyes, not once interested in what you had to add.

"Doesn't seem like it. Goodbye, [Y/n]." he walked away, brushing your shoulder over as he made his way to the front door.

Your heartbeat was pounding so loudly in your ears as you spun around, a desperate look in your face as your knees buckled.

This can't be happening!

The tears that once lined your eyes came back up along with the heavyweight against your chest, suffocating you and dragging you down to that inescapable abyss of guilt.

"Wait!"

Jungkook stops.

For that moment, there's this single thought running in his mind. Something that made him halt and wait. There was just.. something that glued him to his place, as if warning him that if he walked out, he would be regretting that decision.

He waits.

And thinks, that if you said anything, if you could just.. say something for him to stay. He will. He wanted to hear you say that you need him with you, just something along those lines and he'll stay.

But your voice was gone.

You stood there, grasping a bunch of papers that told your remaining chapters. Your life was on those papers, your heart was in the brink of shattering—but you couldn't say anything.

You didn't know how.

"I.."

You couldn't tell him.

And that made him walk away.

Just like Jimin did.

"When my wedding day comes, I want you to be my best woman."

You choked on your milkshake, eyeing your insane friend who sat smiling as if it's normal. He actually appears serious.

"I'm not a man, pabo. Can't do that I guess." you laughed in between slurps as you swung your legs back and forth from your seat on the swing.

Jimin was already whining by the time you finished your sentence, already knowing beforehand that you'll counter whatever he plans on saying.

"Then you'd be the first one to ever do it—I need my best bud giving me the rings. I'll lose them myself because I'm an idiot and I don't want my future wife to think that I—"

"You're blabbering.."

"Right! Sorry." Jimin miraculously stays silent, deciding on entertaining himself by playing with the bendy straw that poked out of the cup of his frappe.  

The two of you swung with little to no sound, only kicking each other's legs in a playful manner in lieu of words.

".. I'm serious about it, though."

You hummed at his murmurs, glancing at how he looks quite determined and demanding.

"About what.. ?" you mumbled.

His radiant smile reaches his ears.

"We'll attend each other's wedding!"

For Jimin. For him, you thought to yourself.

You held the pretty little invitation in between your fingers, showcasing it to a perplexed looking Jimin who sat.

You texted him to meet you at the local café because you have to tell him something. He probably thought that you'd make up for the better, but who said you were doing that?

It hurt you to see that the smile on his face vanished as soon as he saw you throw the invitation in front of him.

"I won't attend your wedding."

You managed to say, not believing that you said that without an ounce of wobble in your voice. But still, inwardly, you were tearing yourself apart.

Jimin gulps, a silent look of rage playing before his face before softening.

He stands up and clutches the envelope in his grip. He didn't question why you wouldn't attend, and you were thankful for that—but he pushed the card into your hand, either way. And that was what hurt the most.

You could see the hope flickering in his raging eyes but soft visage.

You were a loss for words as he held your hands in his, your heart was already trying to jump out of your chest at what he was doing. You could practically see him clinging onto you, pleading.

"Take it, and if you decided.. to change your mind." he drifts off, and you snarl, whisking your hand away rather harshly.

It triggered a reaction, a pained gasp leaving him as he watched you glare at him with intensifying venom before you spun around and left him there.

The last sight you've had of him before you broke down yourself with the invitation crumpled in your hand, was a devastated Jimin.

The piano medley is already playing in the church, a few ways besides the altar, where he can truly hear the same tune softly bounding in his ears.

The bride—his wife-to-be, is still hiding behind those two doors.

So as the flower girls came walking down the aisle, he took his chance to scout the room with his sharp eyes. There are his friends standing at the sidelines, all wearing tuxedos and bright grins that showed up when his eyes flashed by them.

His family was there, Seolhyun's family was there, but—

Jimin's breath got hitched in the middle of his throat, and he clasped his hands together as his tongue darted outward to lick his lip in anxiousness, beginning to shift from foot to foot.

—There's no sign of her, [Y/n].

The girl he wanted to see at this special day, the girl he deemed his ultimate best friend, and the girl he wanted to apologize so badly to.

Even when she said she wouldn't attend, he still hoped.

The strings of the violin came into the melody, indicating the arrival of the bride. And she did. The enormous double doors opened to give way for the beautiful bride in white to walk in, stunning everyone who stood in the process.

She's beautiful, indeed, with grace as she walked forward.

He felt tears collecting in his eyes, but for not the latter reason.

No.

It was because he had his hopes up.

She promised she would attend his wedding, she promised she would stick by his side no matter what! Even when they had a huge fight that would undoubtedly crack their friendship, she said she's always come back.

Jimin smiles bitterly as Seolhyun approaches the altar, taking her hand in his as they faced the altar.

His last act of reconciling with you, down the drain.

—Why would you do this?

He breathes in and out as the priest began.

—I really.. really hate you, [Y/n]

If you could curse fate for doing this to you—or anything that controls humans' life, you will.

What did you do to gain this consequence? Where have you gone wrong to be able to acquire such punishment?

Maybe because you were too bitter?

Was it because you failed to 'spread your wings' like your mother and father taught you? To enjoy the beauty of life as you grow old, and not for it to revolve around your best friend you believed would stick by your side 'till the end?

Or was it because you did pay too much attention on him, that you didn't succeed on holding on to the new, sweet addition to your life—a lover?

Maybe because you were too selfish?

Ah, you didn't know.

You really didn't know.

You wish you could've at least corrected those, at least. To remove the bad blood you've most likely caused to interfere between your friendship with Jimin, and your love with Jungkook. They were understanding, but then you were probably too self-centered to bother realizing the upcoming, inevitable end held for you.

You could almost hear the inviting echo of the church bells, resounding together with a symphony of euphoria and bliss that awaited the newly weds; your best friend. 

As you laid on the white hospital bed awaiting for the end, you could only cast a sorrowful glance on your bedside table. Which has the wedding invitation that was torn in half and a dusty bunny plush toy. Each depicting two major chapters of your life; Jimin and Jungkook. Who both, in the end, left your life -to your will- without knowing the truth to your lifestyle. 

You could see the disappointed, possibly angered look on your best friend's face when he noticed that you didn't attend. Wouldn't attend. Couldn't attend.

I'm sorry, Jiminie

You could perfectly imagine the look of heartbreak against your ex-lover's face when he left, you knew he loved you, but he couldn't stay. Because he thought that you were too clingy with your best friend's life, that you had fallen for him. Which is not true.

You simply couldn't balance everything in your plate.

And by the time you were realizing all of it, your life—and everything in it, was already crumbling down.

I'm sorry, Jungkookie

You could only wish that the happiness that they’re pursuing for is granted in the end. It was better that way, your death remaining to yourself without anyone knowing. Your family had gone ahead, Jungkook had left, and Jimin..

Isn’t your best friend anymore. 

The mere thought of it was more than enough for your well-hidden tears to resurface, causing you the difficulty to regain an even breathing. 

You could remember how Jimin first stared at you with a look of utter disappointment and silent rage as he processed how you said you wouldn’t attend his wedding. 

You wouldn’t. Not couldn’t. 

And the fact that you would not dare step into a beautiful memory in his life, as he deemed, is unforgivable. He took the invitation from you and clenched it in his fists, muttering how he even tried. He tore it in half, with his eyes teary and knuckles white. He declared, before he went away, that you were no longer his best friend. Or if you ever were one in the beginning. It was his breaking point, and somewhat your achievement. Having him turn his back on you would be easier than letting him see your current state, just like you want Jungkook to do.

.. Ah, Jungkook. Your first, true love that you took seriously, but didn’t expect to end it in such a bad note. 

You’ve had it planned, how you’d break up with him, but he had gone first before you can do anything. 

You were too engrossed at the fact that Jimin is getting married, and he’s upset with you, to the point wherein you nearly forgot you had Jungkook, a partner you could entrust anything to. But you were too secretive, too mysterious, that even with his burning love for you and you the same, he had to let go.

At the same place, although raining, Jungkook uttered those words you couldn’t forget. You remember how even under the umbrella, the rainfall of tears that left his eyes that meant that it was difficult for him to be with you, broke your heart.

Because you did love him, but that love wasn’t enough. 

You couldn’t open up, you were too afraid.

He gave you another chance that rainy evening, asked you what’s wrong, and why you won’t say anything. But you didn’t reply.

And that led to him turning away from you for the final time. 

You never saw him again.

Those two boys who played a great role in your story would forever remain in your slumber, as two figments in your memory in the blackness. 

As the world around you flashed in and out of your eyes and of your grasp, you knew the sand was falling fast. You had no time left, no time to apologize even if you wanted to. No ‘I’m sorry’ for Jungkook, and no ’Congratulations’ to Jimin. 

You were dying, and that was your final call.

But perhaps, in someway or another, you would be able to re-approach them again. May it be a dream, or a hallucination. You’d find your way to them as your last and final thank you, for bearing with you until the end. 

That was the dying wish you embraced to your heart to the very finale, as your eyes finally closed, and the sounds of the requiem died down with you.

It had been a tiring day—his wedding day.

Even with all the mishaps and the false hope he was given, it was still a happy event to remember. His dream of being married has been accomplished, and now he's bound to set off into a new chapter of his life.

Then his thoughts lingered to someone.

Someone that brought a frown to his face even when he has his wife curling beside his arm.

He hasn't made up with you, yet.

He thinks why, thinks of all the reason why, but he couldn't.

You didn't show up, and that's it.

There's this bitterness residing in the pits of his chest, unable to accept that you were just able to drop down more than a decade long of friendship, for a silly argument like that.

With a scowl, Jimin shuts his eyes, the exhaustion tolling all over and almost immediately bringing him sleep.

The blackness morphed into something else. In fact, it was a familiar place--it was the venue for his wedding reception. His grand wedding that didn’t seem so grand and regal anymore because there’s a presence lacking. 

“Jimin.” 

He turns around, and his lips part gently as his eyes settled upon a woman he ended bonds with. Her pretty [c] hair fell and cascaded down her shoulders, her body covered in a pretty, gentle white dress that flew to the back of her knees. 

“[Y/n]?” he whispers in bewilderment. 

The girl only smiles at him.

Jimin couldn’t believe it, he’s dreaming for sure, his desperate wishes of seeing his (ex) best friend attending his wedding finally giving in to his subconscious and perfectly molding it into a dream.

When he doesn’t reply, still bitter about her not wanting to attend, the [c] haired female steps closer to him. 

“I’m really sorry, you know that.” 

He looks at her, conflict and confusion swimming in his orbs of charcoal. His arms were crossed as he faced her, his eyebrows furrowing in suspicion.

“Are you? I don’t think so. What kind of friend wouldn’t want to attend their best friend’s wedding?” he scoffs as he asks this, his eyes rolling back and forth.

“A scumbag,” she replies. 

He tried to contain the urge to lift his lips upward. Their constant perky conversation already brewing in like it used to before. 

Finally, he places his whole attention on her.

“Why didn’t you attend my wedding, [Y/n]? Where did it go wrong? When did we grew so far apart?” Jimin asks, his voice breaking as he once more, attempted to conceal the water behind his eyes. The girl before him is a sore topic, for she already had a place in his heart as a friend he could count anytime, and they just.. parted off like what they blossomed together; their friendship, was nothing.

The girl in front of him stayed silent, her eyes showcasing sadness, yet her lips remained sealed. 

Jimin waits for a few more seconds as he searched her features for any signs of an answer, but there was none. 

He sighs.

“You’re never going to tell me, are you?” 

She shakes her head with a frown. 

“I’m sorry, you know I am,” she leans forward and clutches both of his hands in her own. They fit together like a glove, like they were meant to be true best friends who will held joined hands together until the end. 

Their bond was still not broken.

Suddenly, a soft ballad played over, surrounding them like water. It was gentle to the ears, and has a timid beat that’s enough for them to pick up on and start swaying. 

“I couldn’t dance with you at your wedding, and even if I did, I’m sure as hell others would be questioning why you’re not dancing with the bride.” 

To this, Jimin finally laughs, his eye smile not leaving as the two of you danced and swayed to the music. It brought so much nostalgia. Ever since childhood, she was by his side and vice versa, he even attended prom with the girl as his partner. Together they turned down anyone who practically screamed that they should be a couple, no. 

They were truly best friends. 

He realized that the moment the soft ballad playing was slowly fading out, and the chandelier seemed to grow dimmer, but you appear to glow. 

As he stopped dancing, he looked you in the eye, his hands descending to your waist as yours moved to his shoulders. There was so much you knew he wanted to say, wanted to ask, but he silenced that with a hug. 

His body was warm as he hugged you tighter. 

“I miss you.” he utters.

You could only rest your head upon his chest, mumbling how much you missed him too. But this dream is only temporary, and most likely will never happen again. You know this was the last time you would ever see him. 

Still encased in his hug that you would forever miss, he asks.

“Could you be my best friend, again?” 

Jimin pulls away as you laugh at him, and he couldn’t stop the smile that reached his ears as your eyes twinkled. 

“Of course, I’d always be your best bud.”

He couldn’t explain why your answer seemed heavy in his chest, or how there are tears that seemed to gather in his eyes with your reply. All he knew is that he’s happy, as he embraced you again with a tearful laugh. 

Until the blackness comes again to take him back away.

“Forever, Jimin.”

It was early in the morning when the ringing of the phone overlapped his dreamscape. A minute later, Jimin was opening his eyes to the dim lighting of the room, and his phone that kept on vibrating and ringing on his bed side table.

Seolhyun was still sleeping soundly beside him, covers bundled over her bare shoulders.

Not wanting to wake her up, he begrudgingly takes his phone and squints his eyes at the brightness of it.

The caller ID read..

"Jungkook?" he mutters.

How did he even got his number?

Shrugging, he was about to dismiss the call when an urging feeling basically yelled at him to pick the phone.

He hesitates.

But then again, he's never the one to ignore, so he picks it up either way.

"This better be good." he immediately says as soon as he hears Jungkook's heavy breathing.

"You have to come see me right now."

That was it.

Jungkook ended the call before Jimin could even ask why, and when it ended, there was already a message that came from the younger man. An address that read his assumably current location.

Grumbling, Jimin rolls out of bed in order to dress properly. Even if it's just the casual sweatpants and a shirt under a jacket, it'd do good. He slips on his running shoes and exits the house, but not before kissing the cheek of his wife who smiled in her sleep.

With the phone in hand, he trudges the sidewalk, teeth chattering as he internally repeated curses in his head. He turns the corner, looking up at the street sign which is identical to the one in the text, and continues.

There, on a lone bench just in front of a 24 hour fast food chain, is Jungkook. His figure is lurching forward, the black hoodie pulled over to cover his face.

“What is it?” Jimin asks silently as he approached Jungkook, who was seated on a bench, his head down until his voice came cutting through the silence. 

The newly wedded man looks flabbergasted upon the sight of Jungkook, whose eyes are red and swollen, looking as if he had cried terribly. Due to his fairly white complexion, he can see how there are dried stains on his cheeks.

“What happened to you?” Jimin asks breathlessly. 

The younger man couldn’t decipher why the best friend appeared so casual and normal. Is he aware of what happened, even?

“You.. you didn’t know?” he questions, eyes widening slightly. 

Jimin’s heart skips a beat, and almost immediately, his stomach churns. 

He has a bad feeling.

When he didn’t reply, Jungkook drags a lazy hand through his black hair, trying his best not to break down yet again as he stated to the unsuspecting man.

“[Y/n].. [Y/n] has died.”

Jimin felt empty. 

A blank look in his face, the gears in his mind turning and turning until it locked in place. 

Died.

It couldn’t be. 

He hears Jungkook shouting his name, and he only realizes by then that he had taken off running. His eyesight cloudy as he panted and ran towards the nearest cemetery he knows is in the neighborhood. 

An image of his best friend, laughing with him on the swings took over his mind.

It couldn’t be.

A memory of his best friend patting his back to relieve him of his nightmares overtook his thoughts.

Not [Y/n].

Voices screaming at one another in his head, reminded him of the last and the most heated argument they’ve had. 

Their last contact. 

He turns left to a corner, and by just a glimpse, he saw Jungkook running after him. His pace was pretty quick. 

Please..

He sees the entrance way, the arch that served as the gate of the cemetery, and his heart increased its rate. His running picked up in speed.

Tell me it’s a lie.

“That’s not true. That can’t be true.” Jimin repeats to himself as he turned corners and ran, his feet seeming to know where to lead him. Under a large tree with a clear view of the upcoming sunrise. The first rays of orange, red, and yellow, already slicing through the atmosphere.

And there, he stopped. Upon a tombstone, that had the name of his best friend carved onto the stone. 

No.

His breathing became rash, his shoulders jumped, and the tears clouded his sight.

No, no, no.. !

“[Y-Y/n]..” a cry breaks out of his lips that he tried so badly to clamp shut. 

His face morphs slowly into a look of denial, and his heart finally snaps apart and shattered asunder. 

Jimin falls to his knees, eyes leaking with tears as he envisioned the tombstone as your usual smiling self, bidding him congratulations because his lifelong dream of being wed to the love of his life had finally come into light.

Sobbing, he shakes his head, arms reaching forward to hug the stone. 

But it contained no warmth.

He only sobs even more when sudden memories came flooding his mind, no doubt causing more pain than he is in at the moment. 

All those times. 

All those times of you trying to talk to him, even for just a second of his time you wished to take, he would push you away. Too busy with life.

Too busy with Seolhyun.

“She died at your wedding day.” 

Jungkook’s voice comes to life slowly, and that was the sole weapon that pierced his chest. Jimin detaches his arms from the stone and gives a look of vulnerability to him.

She died on his wedding day. The day she told him she 'wouldn’t’ attend. 

And it only broke him even more. 

Jimin whisks his head back to the tombstone, clutching the grass beneath him as he whimpers along to the sorrow in his chest. 

“That’s why you didn’t want to tell m-me.. isn’t it?” he cries, “You didn’t want m-me to know. Because you’re sure I’ll call off the wedding, isn’t it?”

Jungkook looks away, his heart clenching all over again. 

He promised not to cry anymore, he promised not to just a while ago. 

“She told me once, that she’ll do anything to keep your happiness intact. I.. guess that covered why she didn’t want to tell you. She didn’t want to delay your wedding.” 

Jimin couldn’t help but just cry, and cry, and cry. Even though he knew he should stop. Why does it hurt so much? So bad? He couldn’t feel like this, Jungkook is probably hurting even more--he was the lover.

Even so, he didn’t know that there was a possibility that he could feel something so deeper than the word ‘hurt’ can explain. He’s beyond it. Jimin couldn’t accept the fact that he had failed to notice that his best friend was hurting--that she was dying even. And he had the audacity to even push her away even farther.

It sickened him. 

“I’m sorry..” Jimin covers his face with his hands, feeling shameful to even kneel before her grave with everything that he had done wrong. 

[Y/n] had done everything for him, why couldn’t he have done the same? 

He couldn’t even say sorry.

That was the word that circled his conflicted mind as he cried his anguish out to the person that will never return to his side, his sobs followed by another as he kept repeating that mere, one syllable word.

Why. 

“I’m sorry, [Y/n], I’m sorry..”

Jungkook merely averts his gaze and tries his best to block his hearing, but it seems impossible. Not when his heart is just as broken--probably even more, than the man on his knees.

The dream that he had, specifically when he had slipped on the ring on your finger and kissed you, claiming that you are his alone, broke him completely.

Knowing that it couldn’t and would never happen because he left you, he was the one who broke up with you. The truth that he could never have you as his bride, shattered him. 

And was the final strike for Jungkook, who, as same Jimin, could not grasp why he never noticed. Noticed your frown, your pleading eyes, and frail actions that ultimately gave away your suffering. Your condition. His reason of breaking up appeared solid and stable, you were too mysterious, but his reason isn’t good enough.

You were scared, you were terrified. The courage you had that made you seal your lips in order not to spill, in order for them not to worry about you, until you were alone on your death bed, was exceptional.

He wasn’t even there at your side when you left the world. 

He couldn’t kiss you anymore, he wouldn’t be able to see you anymore, nor grasp your fingers and hands in his own. 

You could never be his again. 

The truth of it all made Jungkook weep silently, his tears betraying his promise as the image of you in a wedding dress burnt itself into ashes. 

He was too late.

He couldn’t even tell you how much he loves you.

Jimin slams his fist on the wall, crying loudly as he pounds his back hardly against it, only to slide down to the floor in despair with a loud, desperate cry.

After his mutual exchange of tears with Jungkook at the cemetery, he had ran over to the house you were living at. Surprised at the fact that it still belonged to you, and came to the conclusion that your parents wanted to keep it as a complete memory of their beloved daughter.

His eyes searched your room, clean and neat, as you would leave it.

Only, you were in it no longer.

One look in your room and he had begun crying all over again, bringing his knees to his chest as he sobbed your name out loud.

“C-come back.. !” he traces your cheek in the photo, having taken it out of the frame, only for his tears to rain down upon it.

His grip on it trembled as did his lips, whimper leaving after whimper.

“I’m sorry, [Y/n]—I’m so sorry, please!” he started hugging it to his chest, desperately imagining it was you in his arms. Be it when you’re alive, or even when you just died, he didn’t care. 

He just wanted to hold you.

Jimin’s stature shook as he cried, so terribly filled with anguish he didn’t know what to do anymore but to cry for you to come back. 

“Jiminie,”

The ghost of a gasp leaves his lips as his head whisks upward to the voice.

Your voice.

There you were, sitting atop your bed as usual, eyes glossing over his in concern.

"What's wrong? Nightmares gotcha?" he resisted the urge to bawl right there, hearing you ask him if he’s okay, if he needs anything, it broke him apart.

He shook his head, eyes brimming with the residue of his tears.

"You died. I couldn’t get to you because I didn’t know a-and—"

You were silent.

“.. And now I’ll be alone.” Jimin’s voice cracks.

I don’t want that.

“You know I'm with you through all of this, right? I’ll be here,”

He shakes his head, still crying, because he knows.

I don’t want to be alone—don’t leave me alone.

He knows this was only his mind playing tricks on him. But even still, he clung onto this delusion, because he isn’t—and will never be ready to let you go.

“I love you, Jiminie. I hope you remember that.”

How long has it been.. when was the last time you expressed your love for him as his best friend?

I can’t do this without you.

His heart twists, and his grip on the photo hardens considerably.

He glances back at you.

“I—..”

But you were gone. 

Why did you have to leave me?

Jimin’s heart falls apart.

The pain and the agony entered once more as his gaze descends to your smiling face on the photo, his thumb going across your cheeks.

He would never be able to hug you ever again.

He wouldn’t have someone to turn to when he’s at his lowest point, anymore.

Jimin’s tears landed once more, a soft, broken cry leaving him as he held the photo close to his chest.

“.. I love you too, [Y/nie].”

Masterlist 

Oh well ._. Sorry for the long wait!

[currently-evil]

“My window!!!”

Hey @smuteczekbiczo Do you remember that video? Because i saw it again and lol Its perfect for Jed so i couldn’t stop myself. Also forgive me but Jed here is a Mob boss. I know your cannon is different but i decided to ignore it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

M!Sidestep namely our favourite goblin Jed Hayes, Sidestep’s base infiltrated by nameless vigilante and Jed reluctantly dealing with that

Varning for a bit of gore and minor character death

2074 words

-All right, a little bit to the left. – commanded Jed pointing with his gun to the centre of a big tarp, spread on the floor and even taped to the wall in some places, so that it was neatly covering corner of the room. Beside smell of fresh paint, It was last remnants of renovation.

-Now I have faith in Nehal, but for you Pelago – left is the opposite of right. – he finished, suppressing smirk as Nehal snorted and Pelago send him irritated look grunting out sarcastic: “Thanks Boss”, before they both picked up squirming Callsaver - a minor Vigilante - who somehow managed to find Sidestep’s new base. Not that it matter, now that he was beaten, tied up, gagged, seconds from being killed and bleeding on Jed’s polished floor.

It’s not that Jed was squeamish about blood. Truth to be told – It was quite the opposite - but the base was brand new. They – and ‘they’ of course meant ‘his team’ – literally finished painting few hours ago (Jed was nice enough to stand in the middle of the room and pinpoint all the places they need to repaint – at least until he got bored, then he went out to buy burger and shake.). And - as it turned out in the old base – blood and spilled brain were a nightmare when it comes to cleaning.

Sure they added nice touch to the Villain aesthetic, a little detail that made their last place look exactly how base of Sidestep should look. Dark, chilling, possibly murderous, making hair stood out from fear. But what also comes with them was less than pleasant.

Smell and fucking bugs, among other things. Who would have thought that spilled intestines weren’t really hygienic, right? Something Jed definitely wasn’t going to deal with. Not to mention that, maybe he didn’t care, but It couldn’t be said the same about some of his people. They seem to - almost religiously - avoid stepping on russet stains on the floor. In the last months when they were absolutely everywhere, watching as his team was almost jumping or fucking leaping from one corner of the room to another, like they were in the middle of some kind weird dance was really pissing him off. In moments like this he was really considering if it’s not too late to work alone again.

Sure, there had to be somewhere specialised cleaning units to do just that - get rid of any evidence of violence - but the thought of letting strangers enter his base and snoop around, made Jed uncomfortable. He would have to kill them after they were done (which really denied whole purpose of them in the first place) or clean their minds of any memories and then give then fake ones, so they wouldn’t question empty hole in their minds and...

Jed took a sip from a shake he had in other hand.

... And he was truly too lazy to do that. Too much effort. And beside why should he do that, if he had a loyal subjects, who could – to some degree – take care of that.

So all that was left was to get a new base.

New base that was already somehow infiltrated.

That being said he glanced where Callsaver was and clicked his tongue.

-Not that much to the left! Come on, centre! Centre! Really, am in the only one here with any sense of space? I can’t really explain better where centre is. Between right and left, Pelago, for fuck sake!

It took them a bit of cursing and lots of irritated looks (He might even heard Nehal telling vigilante: “Dude, stop squirming.” which made Jed snort. It’s not like he was about to die or something.), but at least they managed to position him just right. Jed took a last uninterested look sipping his drink and raised his guns, finger emotionlessly tightening on the trigger.

Callsaver slumped against the wall Nehal and Pelago were pining him to and Jed considered his work. The droplets of blood and grim covered almost all the space on the sheet of plastic but as far as he could see none of them were on the wall.

Nodding to himself he said:

-Perfect, I am proud of me. – then noticing that his shake was gone he added. – Hurry up. We’re going for some shakes.

Nehal and Pelago smiled to themselves from where they were checking Callsaver’s pockets (“The deadman don’t fucking need spare change” argued always Pelago.), or well his boots (It was just Nehal’s size! Finding nice pair for her small feet was a nightmare and she wasn't about to let that pair slip.) and chuckled, leaning closer to themselves.

-Do you think he is going to actually pay this time? – she asked hissing in triumph when she managed to take off one boot. – Or rather use his favourite excuse: “Opsie Daisy I have seem to left my wallet in my other Villain suit!”

In answer Pelago smirked.

-I don’t think he even have wallet anymore. Didn’t he burn it down? Something about ‘at least i stop finding pictures of that fucking idiot in it’ or something?

Nehal was just about to answer, but before she could - suddenly there was a loud crash and the room was full of glass shards.

They all gaped at the man who jumped through window, rolled on the floor like it was some sort of action movie, before standing up and dramatically proclaiming:

-Let him go!

Nehal and Pelago exchanged quick look before glancing down at the definitely dead Callsaver.

-Ops – said quietly Nehal, her voice absolutely devoid of any trace of remorse.

-It’s not so bad... – murmured Pelago, eyeing the corpse. – Maybe he won’t notice.

-What? A whole hole in his forehead?

-Yeah. – he just shrugged. – It’s not he was using his head anyway. No harm done.

-Oh my god, I can’t believe you said that.

It seem only when nobody answered him directly, staring in silence, did hero look around, because second he did he froze blinking heavily. Probably because he saw quite dead Callsaver, before him, together with Pelago trying to quickly hide deadman’s wallet in his pocket and Nehal, who not knowing what exactly to with one boot, just threw it away as soon as hero looked at her. And then there was also Jed, gaping at the – now broken window – with empty shake in one hand and gun in second.

-You killed him – said the newcomer confused. Not even scared or sad, just confused. – Why did you kill him...?

-My window... – said Jed quietly but with so much irritation that everybody in the room flinched and even Zaza and Ward showed in the doorway alarmed.

-Oh fuck – murmured Zaza.

-Why did you kill him...?

-We have a front door! - interrupted him Jed hissing, gesturing with gun in the general direction where doors were. -Painting was just finished so it’s wide fucking open to ventilate!- Just when he said that he leaned to the right peering around the corner to see that door were indeed wide open.

Jed squinted at hero.

-Are you fucking blind or something?

-Didn’t you tell him your backstory and evil plan? – said newcomer not even acknowledging what Jed said, making him turn to hero with fury in his eyes.

-What? No! Its none of your fucking business. For fuck sake why would I? I don’t need free therapy, I already have one battery like idiot for that! – his eyes trailed back to the window. – Oh for fuck sake, I will have to steal so much money for that. Ward, can you get me an estimate on that? – he asked ignoring again hero.

Ward looked up on window, raised eyebrows and looking back to Jed said only, shrugging:

-Money.

Jed pursed his lips.

-I don’t know what I was expecting.

This seem to wake up hero from shocked stillness, as he blinked and straightening screamed:

-You’re going to pay for your crimes!

-Yeah of course I am going to pay. – Jed scowled at hero. – Who else will? I am pretty sure you don’t have a cash on you to pay me for damage. Check? Debit card? Anything?

When Hero only blinked at him Jed closed his eyes murmuring under his nose about ‘fucking heroes, doing everything they want without even thinking about others’. And then again ignoring newcomer, he added exasperated:

-Excuse me can somebody call Frank and tell him we need new window?

-On it boss. – said Zaza.

-What...? You can’t ignore me like that! – screamed hero almost drowning Jed’s murmurs about ‘rude as fuck heroes without manners’ and how ‘when he was younger people don’t fucking shattered your windows just to be extra’. He was so distracted at being dismissed he didn’t even notice Nehal and Pelago sneaking up from behind until they both lounged at him forcing him to concentrate on them.

At the same time Jed – completely blind to the mayhem – contemplated mess around him.

It was new, perfect base and the renovation went surprisingly smooth and quickly. He managed to find perfect windows. Everything was going so well and now his Villain’s base was ruined! With distaste Jed remembered that there were reports about rain later today, which meant that this gaping hole where used to be window needs to be taped down with foil.

Absolutely disgusting.

Now he needs to let in more people to replace this, which mean more people to clean their minds.

Jed curled his finger around cup until plastic started squeaking from force. This was so fucking irritating.

-And what’s with this colour? – asked hero cheekily while ducking from Nehal’s punch and blocking Pelago’s attack. – This is the weirdest shade of purple I have ever seen. Like somebody eat blue and pink cotton candy and then vomited.

Before Jed was seriously pissed but now, now he was furious.

-It’s a Midnight Blue Indigo, you colorblind fuck! – he growled, turning on his heels and chugging plastic cup to hit hero right in the middle of forehead.

Impact of cup to his head made poor vigilante almost fall, and before he could try regain his balance, he was kicked in the chest. Stumbling backwards he was suddenly perfectly between spread out plastic sheet…

...And Jed’s raised gun.

Shoot ringed in the air and hero joined his dead companion.

For a second there was just the sound of ringing shot, interrupted briefly by Nehal and Pelago panting -  and then there was Bo in the doorway happily announcing to everybody:

-Hey guys! – he said holding up roll of foil. – I found foil! Now we can “wrap it up” and get going. – he giggled. – Get it? Wrap it up? Eh? Eh? – It seems only when nobody answered him Bo realised something was wrong.

He blinked surprised seeing glass shards everywhere, then his eyes trailed across the room taking in all the details, until his eyes stopped on the bodies. Bodies. Not one body.

He looked down on his roll of foil, then again at bodies then again at foil. Foil that might have been enough for one body but definitely not for two.

-I will... look for more. – he mumbled defeated, leaving the room at the same time Zaza came back, ending his call.

-Boss – he said making Jed stop with fury cursing all the damn Heroes. – Frank said It would be two weeks before he will have a new window.

-Oh for fuck sake – hissed Jed with anger turning to pill of bodies fuelling his anger in one last  kick.

Zaza side eyed him carefully and when Jed seem to calm down a bit, he cleared his throat.

-Boss, do you take constructive criticism?

Jed leveled him with annoyed gaze.

-No, i absolutely do not.

-But don’t you think these windows are a bit too... – Zaza raise one eyebrow watching remained windows. Big, round and consisting of one-way mirror.- ... hmm eye-catching for a secret villain base?

-Shut up – hissed Jed, looking at him from behind his shoulder

-No shake for you – he finished after moment of glowering.

Zaza blinked shocked.

-What? You weren’t going to buy me one anyway!

-Yes, but now you wont get one ever again.

[javis-beretta]

Sigh Not So

this was not requested, but i missed my boy race, so here’s a (long) fic based on my favourite scene from much ado about nothing, which is my favourite shakespeare play. it’s also heavily inspired by a modern re-imagining of the play, which i am in love with, called nothing much to do. 10/10 would recommend watching, even if you’re not an english lit nerd like me. enjoy! <3 (PS if u can spot the quote from the original that i squeezed in near the end, then you’re legally required to marry me, sorry i don’t make the rules) (also the title is a ref to a quote from the play, i’m a nerd sorry)

It felt a bit melodramatic to call Race Higgins your enemy, but it was near enough to the truth. The truth was that you had liked him, once, maybe even more-than-liked him, but, as you grew older, the qualities you had once liked in him became obnoxious. It used to loosen you up when he made stupid jokes about whatever was happening, but now he was little more than a class clown who couldn’t take anything seriously. As you grew up, friendly roasts began to sound a little more serious, and, by the end of high school, he was the nearest thing you had to a sworn enemy.

You managed to fight with him about anything, from the correct translation of your Latin homework to the DC and Marvel cinematic universes. It was fun, sometimes, but mostly just exhausting. Sometimes, you wondered if it wouldn’t just be easier to get along, for your friends’ sake, if not for your own, but then he would make some ridiculous comment about how Parks and Rec was better than The Office and you would remember that he was the worst.  

He was annoying at track practices, when his hair was impossibly curly, and his eyes glittered with happiness, and he insisted that his team needed half of your soccer pitch to practice for field events. He was annoying in class, when he argued with the teacher about the underlying racism in Anthony and Cleopatra and, sure, he may have been right, but who cared about correctness when you went about an argument in the completely wrong way.

(“You,” Katherine would say every time that you brought this up. “You care about correctness, especially when it’s opposing Shakespeare.”

You ignored her. What mattered was that it was Race arguing with the teacher, and he was always wrong, even when he was right.)

He was especially annoying at parties, when he’d flirt with anyone who breathed – except you, of course. The way he nonchalantly joked with everyone else, and pretty much ignored your existence, except to tease you about your hair or something you had said, made your blood positively boil.

(And, Davey was wrong: you weren’t jealous of anyone, not even a little bit.)

He annoyed you at parties, but his absence from Jack Kelly’s annual Halloween party left a gaping hole. You were dressed as Jim Kirk, from Star Trek, and you had expected him to tease you as soon as you got to the party, insist that you had yourself pegged wrong and that you were definitely more of an expendable red shirt, than a royal yellow. You would respond in kind, with a snarky comment about how he had less personality than a Vulcan commander and all would be right in the world.

But, he didn’t show. Or, if he did, he managed to keep quiet the entire night which, considering who you were dealing with, just made the former more likely. Towards the end of the night, you found yourself leaning against a wall in the living room, talking to a girl that you kind of knew, dressed as Wednesday Addams, and a boy that you didn’t recognise, in a full Batman costume, face-covering cowl, and everything. Maybe, you had had a little too much of the definitely not kid-friendly punch that Romeo had whipped up, or maybe you were just tired, but, when the conversation lulled, Race popped into your mind.

“Hey, you haven’t seen Higgins around tonight, have you?”

“No,” the boy answered, clearing his throat. “I mean, no, I haven’t. Why?”

Maybe it was the alcohol, but you were almost certain that his voice was pitched a little lower than it had been earlier in the conversation. You frowned, it was probably the alcohol.

“No reason, I just feel like everyone’s here and he’s, like, not. It’s weird. And, it’s so uncharacteristic of him to let a night go by where he’s not the centre of attention.”

You winced a little at the harshness in your tone, and the boy must have picked up on it, too.

“You’re being kind of hard on him, don’t you think?”

You rolled your eyes.

“No, I’m giving him the same treatment he gives me, all the time. And, besides, it’s not like I haven’t tried to get to know him – it’s not my fault he’s the biggest douche canoe this side of Canada.”

You couldn’t see the boy’s face in his costume, but you thought that he might have been frowning.

“What do you mean ‘tried to get to know him’? From what I’ve heard he’s a pretty dope guy.”

You scoffed. Did people still say dope?

“Dude, I think I would know. We used to be really good friends, like, maybe even best friends when we were in middle school, and then I guess he just lost interest, like he always does. He’s got the attention span of a studious gold fish, I swear.”

“Well, did you ever talk to him about it? Maybe, it was just a miscommunication kind of thing.”

“Ugh, as if. If he stopped talking to me, it isn’t my job to figure out what his issue is. I just,” you huffed in frustration. “We’re all here, having a good time and making fools of ourselves and he’s just missing in action. Although, I bet if he did come to this party, he’d be dressed as Peter Pan, the boy who never fucking grows up.”

The boy flinched, and you wondered for a second if you had gone too far.

“That’s harsh. You should try to give him a chance, maybe he actually wants to try to get to know you, again,” he said, before drifting off like some mysterious faerie. You weren’t sure when during the conversation the girl had left, but, soon, you were standing alone. You stood there for a moment longer, wondering idly about who that guy thought he was, anyway. You finished the drink in your cup and sauntered off to find some more of that magic punch, not giving the boy in the Batman costume a second thought.

The conversation only drifted through your mind again the next morning, when you woke up, groggy and confused, on Jack’s couch. Maybe you were a little harsh, but you had given Race the benefit of the doubt, once upon a time. He had been one of your closest friends, once upon a time.

You still remembered the last proper conversation that you had had with him. You were twelve, sitting in your bedroom and playing video games, when he paused the screen and turned to you with an oddly determined look on his face. He asked if you had heard the rumour that someone was spreading around school, that you and he were dating. You said you had, still a little confused,  and he gave you this intense, unforgettable look, before asking what you thought of it all. You laughed at the idea, telling him, perhaps a little dishonestly, that it was super gross. He was like your brother, you said. You didn’t think much of it, at all. Why would he care, anyway? He had that pretty girl, Zoey. Finch had said that he had seen them holding hands at Sarah J’s party, so you didn’t want to ruin anything for him by admitting that you sometimes wished that the rumours were true. You pressed play and kicked his ass in Tekken. 

The next Monday, at school, he acted like nothing was wrong, but, after that, the pair of you started to drift apart. You stopped playing video games together, playful barbs became antagonism and, by the time you reached high school, you had nothing left of the friendship that you had once shared. It was sad, sure, but you weren’t a chaser. If Race didn’t want to be your friend, then so be it.

You didn’t think again about the conversation with Batman boy, or what you might have done wrong to get Race to hate you, until a few nights later, when you were sitting at home alone. You were trying to convince yourself to get up and get something done, maybe cook dinner or do your homework, for once, but, instead you were scrolling through your unexciting Instagram feed. You idly double tapped on a few photos, exhaled out of your nose in lieu of laughter at some stupid memes, and then you reached a picture that Albert had posted, from the weekend’s party. It was him and a couple of other boys grinning at the camera and you were about to scroll past, when you saw a familiar costume. It was yellow and black, with the tell-tale Batman logo on the front, but, this time, the wearer had the hood off. Shit. Shitshitshit. There, in the Batman costume was Anthony Higgins. You had accidentally complained about him to him. Sure, you and Race weren’t the best of friends, but you didn’t want him to think you were an asshole.

You fumbled to your contacts app and called Katherine. She’d know what to do, you were sure of it. After she had got done laughing at you, she offered you a solution: Talk to Race and apologise for what you had said. You knew, logically, that that was your only option, but you really wished that the world would end before you had to apologise to Race Higgins. You couldn’t stomach texting him and figured that you could just grab him after school the next day.

The day went by a little too fast, and, before you knew it, the bell had rung to signal the end of your last lesson. You resigned yourself to your fate and made you way to Race’s locker, which was just a few doors down from yours. He was alone, thankfully, and looked more than a little surprised to see you heading his way.

“Hey,” you tried to smile when you reached him, but you were sure it came across as more of a grimace.

“Hi,” he answered, barely looking at you as he moved books from his locker to his bag.

“Race,” you tried again, putting a hand on his forearm to stop his fairly violent rifling. “Can I talk to you for a minute?” He glanced down at where your hand touched his arm and sighed, turning to you, looking a little deflated.

“Fine. What’s up?”

You took a deep breath.

“Look, I didn’t know it was you that I was saying that shit to at Jack’s. And, I know it was shitty of me to be saying that to anyone, but I didn’t mean most of it. You’re on my nerves half the time, and making fun of me the other half, but that was mean. I’m sorry.”

He looked shocked, and a little pensive.

“It’s, um. It’s okay, Y/N. It just made me kind of sad that we aren’t friends anymore. I mean, we were good together.”

He met your eyes, and you were struck by how much you had missed the way they shined when he was being sincere.

“Yeah, uh, me too. We made a good team. I miss that.”

He looked like he was going to say something else, when Albert came up behind him and put two hands on his shoulders.

“Race and Y/N? Having a civil conversation? I’m entering the lottery on the way home, because today is a day for miracles.”

Race rolled his eyes at you and you laughed.

“Fuck off, DaSilva, you’re not even old enough to get a ticket,” he said jerking the boy’s hands off his shoulders.

“Yeah,” you agreed. “And you waste enough money buying coffee to flirt with Elmer at Jacobi’s.”

“Nice,” Race laughed high-fiving you, and Albert stuck his tongue out at you, before stalking off because he didn’t have a good comeback to dispute the truth.

There was a beat of silence, and before it started to get awkward, Race spoke again.

“Uh, if you’re serious about being friends again, we should hang out some time, maybe go to the arcade?”

You smiled at him, brightly.

“You sure that’s a good idea, Higgins? I’ll smoke you in ice hockey, like I always used to.”

“Uh, you wish. I’m the ice hockey king, baby.”

You punched him in the shoulder and made plans for that weekend. That had gone better than you had expected.

It wouldn’t have been true to say that you had changed your mind about Race right away. You had fun with him, from that first day at the arcade, onwards. It was still a little awkward and there was always a little tension in the room, but you worked through it. You were seniors, you could be mature, if you tried.

(Although maturity certainly seemed to be in short supply when you and Race giggled, together, at the matching sixty-nines that you got on your history pop quizzes, or when he whispered “that’s what she said” in your ear at almost every sentence that came out of Mr Bunsen’s mouth in bio.)

You didn’t hate him, not that you ever really had. You hated that, now, his stupid jokes made you laugh, because you were included in them. You hated the warmth you felt in your chest when you said something that made him laugh, and you especially hated that crinkle at the corner of his eyes when he smiled at you, sincere and earnest.

You, realised, gradually, that you and Race had never been enemies – you just responded to what you thought was his hate in kind. It was easier to keep roasting one another, when neither one of you broke the cycle. That conversation at the party had been a turning point, for both of you.

Although, you still seemed unable to talk about the elephant in the room. You and Race never discussed how the animosity had begun between the two of you. Bringing it up would force you both to admit how stupid you had been, and neither of you were very skilled at admitting fault. It was easier to ignore it, to dance around it, than it was to deal with it. It was on your mind more often, now.

You wondered what had really happened, because something had to have happened, right? The more you thought about it, the more it made sense. People don’t just stop being friends and turn to enemies, like flicking a switch, especially not two fiercely loyal people, like you and Race. You didn’t mention it, though, for fear that you would slip back into old habits.

You liked Race, you realised, even if the two of you were incapable of having a conversation about emotions. You grinned at one another in private moments of understanding, warm with that feeling you get when you spend time with someone who has the exact same sense of humour as you. It was really good to be his friend again, until it wasn’t.

The argument had started by accident. Race was coming over on a Thursday, after school to work on a project for history. You were determined to get better than a sixty-nine for this one, even if that was the golden number. When Race had rung the doorbell, your mum had welcomed him in, pleasantly surprised to see him. You always had a feeling that she was sadder about your losing Race than you were. She was convinced that the two of you were soulmates, even when you were kids in the playground. She called it a mum’s intuition. You called it heteronormativity, but, anyway.

She chatted his ear off as she waited for you to come downstairs, talking about how much she had missed having a boy around, and how glad she was that the two of you had patched everything up. You caught the tail end of the conversation as you made your way down the stairs.

“What ever happened between you two, anyway?” your mum had asked, innocently enough.

Race laughed uncomfortably.

“Oh, I guess she just got too busy for me. I’m glad we’re friends again, now, though.”

Your mum agreed, and you fumed. Almost as soon as you had pulled your bedroom shut behind you, you gave him A Look. He was alarmed.

“What?” he asked.

“What do you mean ‘what’? Do you seriously think it’s my fault that we stopped being friends?”

He scratched the back of his neck uncomfortably.

“Oh, about what I said to your mom? I mean, yeah, it kind of was. You stopped inviting me over or replying to my texts, so I just figured you were busy,” he sounded unsure of himself.

“You stopped talking to me, Race. Was I supposed to be super nice to you when you always acted like you’d rather be anywhere else when I was in the same room as you?”

He scoffed.

“Are you being for real? We were fine, we were doing great, and then you started hanging out with Katherine or Davey instead of me, which is fine, but it was so not my fault.”

“You pretty much begged for space that day when you asked me about the stupid rumours about us dating, or whatever!”

He ran a hand through his hair.

“I cannot believe we’re talking about this. We were twelve, we were stupid!”

“And, now, you’re deflecting,” you replied. “We were best friends, Race. I just wanna know what happened between us.”

He sighed and flopped on your bed like a petulant child. His blue eyes were stormy, and they looked familiarly intense.

“Fine, it was kind of my fault, I guess.”

You kept yourself from fist pumping.

“It’s just, I felt so stupid!” he continued.

“What do you mean?” you asked, gently, this time, sitting at his feet on the bed.

“So, that day? When I asked you about the stupid middle school rumours?”

You nodded, motioning for him to go on.

“I had the biggest crush on you, and I figured that that was your way of letting me down easy. I was like your brother, right? It sucked. And, whenever we hung out, after that, I just felt so frustrated. I was mad at me, for being stupid and catching feelings and making everything weird between us, but I guess it was easier to just lash out at you. It was dumb, but I don’t think I like anything in the world as much as I like you, you were the first person that I ever felt any anything for. It sucked.”

He scrunched his eyes shut and looked ready to disappear.

“Wait,” you said, still processing his words. “’Like’, as in, present tense?”

He sat up straight.

“I – what?”

“You said like, like present tense like, like currently like.”

He cleared his throat and his eyes scanned the room, as he searched the walls for something.

“Uh, slip of the tongue, whatever. You said like way too many times just then.”

You waved your hand. Semantics.

“Do you, um, like me, as in like-like me, present tense like me, Race?”

He sputtered for a moment, and then swallowed drily.

“I guess, it’s stupid. It kind of never went away, if you can believe it.”

You could believe it. It wasn’t hard to believe, since you could relate. He was waiting, nervously, for you to say something, but your words didn’t seem to be working. Instead of speaking, you moved across the bed, so that you were sitting next to him, both of your heads leaning against the wall.

“I, um,” you took a deep breath. “Uh, same.”

His head snapped to yours and he searched your eyes for humour. He sighed, shakily, and then let out a soft laugh.

“’Same?’ I practically confess my love to you and all you’ve got is ‘same’?”

His eyes twinkled with mirth.

“Well, what else do you want me to say?” you protested. “That I don’t hate you? That I never wanted to hate you? I just figured that you didn’t want to be my friend, anymore.”

“God. We are idiots.”

“Yep,” you agreed.

You sat in silence for a moment, letting the realisation of what you had just admitted wash over you. Race suddenly turned to you.

“So, what happens now?”

You shrugged, still not meeting his eyes. You weren’t sure what you were nervous about now, but the tumble of feelings in your stomach insisted that looking at Race’s eyes would ruin you, so you stared at the white wall in front you.

“Because,” he said, putting a hand on your knee like he was bracing himself. “I kinda wanna make out with you, like, romantically?”

A laugh bubbled out of you and you turned to him, finally. You had been wrong, before, about the consequences of meeting his eyes. They weren’t storm-blue anymore. They were blue like the sky on a sunny a day. They were blue like the ocean, when you’ve spent months away from the sea. They were a sight to behold.

You turned your whole body to face him and gently slipped a hand to the back of his neck, playing with the blonde curls there. You leaned into him, and just before your lips met his, you muttered a word, just loud enough for him to hear.

“Same.”

You leaned in and kissed him, with years’ worth of hidden feelings, and he smiled against your lips. You pulled away after a bit and looked at his eyes. His pupils were blown wide, but they were as blue as ever. You wondered how you had ever pretended to dislike eyes as beautiful as his.

 TAGLIST: @bencookisagod @broadwayandbookblog @theygivesyawhateveryouwant @crazymecjc

[theshatteredrose]

The Treasure Seeker - Saga 1 (Chapter 25) - Etrian Odyssey 5 Fanfiction

AN: Despite feeling ill this week I managed to finish this. Fortunate I had not of it done before I fell ill so just had to fill in the blanks so to speak. It’s hard to believe that after this chapter there’s only two left! But that’s ok – there’s plenty more sagas to come. I have other floors to do yet. I also have other CtS sagas to do. I have ideas everywhere so there’s no fear of ever running out of things to write about XD Anyway enough blathering from me. Hope you enjoy reading!

Ao3 | Wattpad | FFNet

Chapter 25:

The morning light filtered through the open windows of the seating room, Drayce sat in the centre of the three person couch. Dressed in comfortable clothes, he glanced idly down at his leg. Still heavily bandaged, but it wasn’t aching as badly as it had been previously. Fiorello reassured him that the wounds inflected by the wild dog were healing nicely. And the threat of infection had passed.

In other words he was in reasonable shape to visit the labyrinth tonight when there was a full moon.

Upon hearing the sound of some approaching Drayce lifted his gaze to glance over his shoulder in time to see Ashton walk in. With a pair of crutches hitched under his arm.

"Don't make me regret giving these to you," Ashton said as he presented the crutches toward him.

Drayce just had to laugh as he made a grab for the crutches. "Dude, with both you and Blayke watching my every move like a pair of hawks, I wouldn't dare to try anything funny."

The corner of Ashton’s mouth twitched into a half smile, but he didn’t verbally respond. Instead he helped Drayce to stand up without putting any pressure on his injured leg and helped to position the crutches in the way that was most comfortable. Having to rely on two wooden sticks to walk upright wasn’t going to be completely and utterly comfortable, but Drayce was still glad to have them.

Staying in bed and twiddling his thumbs would send him stark raving mad. Not to mention everyone around him, too.

Also worth mentioning was the fact that seeing him up and about would put the other’s concerns and worries at ease. He was the leader of this guild; he needed to show them how strong he was so they didn’t need to worry about him.

“You won’t be running any marathons with those crutches, but at least they’ll keep you occupied,” Ashton said as he continued to watch Drayce with a cautious gaze. “An inactive treasure hunter is probably worse than an overworked one.”

Again, Drayce had to laugh as he carefully concentrated on getting a hang of his new crutches.

A few moments later the rest of his guild gathered into the seating room with him. And they appeared relieved to see him up and about, even on the crutches. Better yet Zohar was also with them. He must have chosen to stay the night, which was good. He was liked amongst the guild, after all. He was more than welcome to stay.

“How are you feeling?” Faelen asked as he cautiously approached him. “Is your leg all right?”

Drayce grinned at them as he balanced himself on his good leg. “I’m doing good. Doesn’t even hurt right now.”

“It will if you put any pressure on it,” Fiorello promptly warned.

“Which is why I’m using the crutches like a good boy,” Drayce pointed out as quickly.

Kamali chuckled into his hand before he turned to look at Drayce with curiosity in his eyes. “Did you manage to read all the diary entries?”

Drayce carefully rested his injured foot atop of his good one. “I did actually. There was a lot but I read them all. It was, well, captivating watching as Aura grew from a petty princess to compassionate scholar.”

“Yes, I agree,” Kamali said with a smile as he restlessly fiddled with his hands in front of him. “What do you think? About the possible connection, I mean.”

“There’s no doubt in my mind that Astrio is my ancestor,” Drayce replied honestly before a grin made its way to his lips. “So is Aura.”

“As to be expected, you’re taking it well,” Blayke commented, that cautious scowl ever present on his face. However, a moment later he sighed and raked a hand through his hair. And then asked a surprising question. “Should we tell Ramus about your possible connection to the Forgotten Princess?”

Drayce fell silent for a moment. He uttered a sigh before he lowered himself upon a chair to ease the slight ache in his back. He idly draped his lands over the hand-holds of his crutches as he became lost to his thoughts.

To be completely honest he hadn’t given that much thought. It was a good question though. Since Aura was Lilith, the Earthlain Princess, that meant that she was also connected to Ramus, the now prince of the Earthlian Royals. She was his ancestor also.

So…that brought up the question of Drayce and Ramus being very, very distant relations.

The fact that he might have royal blood wasn’t all that concerning to Drayce. He wasn’t interested in possibly using that distant connection to his advantaged. He didn’t consider the blood that ran through his veins as royal. He was a treasure hunter. Just like with every other Pendragon before him.

Just like Aura when she passed. She didn’t die a princess; she died a beloved mother, wife, scholar, archaeologist, and treasure hunter.

To Drayce that was more important.

“I don't want to keep anything from him,” Drayce decided. “Besides, Aura wanted to be a treasure hunter and gave up her royal title. And I'm sure Ramus would love to know everything about his ancestor as well. Let's give him the diaries to read.”

Blayke still looked worried. Probably worried should anyone else learn of Drayce’s royal connection they would try to take advantage of it. He was such a worry-wort. Despite Drayce’s willingness to announce his treasure hunting credentials, he wasn’t going to go around sprouting about his distant relations having once been a princess. Aura wouldn’t appreciate it, after all.

“If you're sure,” Blayke said finally, relenting and accepting his decision.

Drayce gave him a comforting smile. “He’ll appreciate it, I’m sure. Before that, though, I want to find Aura's and Astrio's final resting place.”

That seemed to catch everyone by surprised as they all fell silent and stared at him.

“Why's that?” Faelen asked as he tilted his head to the side and twitched his ears.

“To pay my respects,” Drayce answered. “I don't want either of them moved as they are quite happy where they are. I still want to see them though.”

Both surprisingly and yet unsurprisingly Ashton immediately understood his need to find them. “They're probably in the old cemetery on the outskirts of town,” he stated.

Drayce looked over at the green-haired scholar and grinned at him. “Wouldn't hurt to spend a couple of hours looking, right?” he said as he set about heaving himself back to his feet. Well, back to his foot. “There's nothing to do until tonight anyway.”

Ashton sighed and shook his head. “You really don't know the meaning of taking it easy, do you?”

Drayce’s grin turned decidedly cheeky. “What treasure hunter does?”

Blayke rolled his eyes again. “Can't argue with that,” he muttered.

Drayce steadied himself upon his crutches before he headed in the direction of the front door. “Let's take a carriage. Hop to, Blayke!”

“You're the one that's hopping around!” Blayke immediately retorted as he all but stomped after him.

Drayce laughed and was about to make a comment about that being a lame comeback when Faelen’s voice caused him to pause and look back at everyone.

“Can I come, too?”

“Of course,” Drayce immediately said with a smile. “The more the merrier.”

Kamali clapped his hands in front of him as he also smiled. “Caelem and I would like to go also,” he said as the therian next to him mutely but eagerly nodded his head.

Drayce laughed again and glanced over his shoulder toward the tall necromancer. The poor guy looked out of place. Drayce didn’t think he did, but the expression of slight discomfort and yet longing on his face indicated to him that Zohar wanted to join in the jovial of the guild. But he was holding himself back.

He didn’t need to do that.

“Zohar?” Drayce said as he gained the necromancer’s attention and he tilted his head questioningly to the side. “Would you like to tag along?”

Zohar shifted his gaze to look directly at him. For a moment Drayce could see a slight internal struggle in his piercing blue eyes. And for that moment he feared that he would curl back into him and decline his offer.

“...Very well.” Zohar’s answer was unexpected but it brought a feeling of relief to Drayce all the same.

“That’s great,” Drayce said with earnest. His gaze lingered on Zohar for a moment longer, longer than probably necessarily before he turned his attention to the others who stood before him. “Anyone else interested.”

“I think the six of you will be enough for this adventure,” Ashton was the one to answer with a friendly smile. “I’ll work with Shashi to get the diaries ready for transportation to the Council Hall.”

Drayce was honestly surprised that Ashton didn’t insist on joining them. He was the notorious caretaker after all. But Ashton probably figured that the six of them was more than enough. And five was enough to keep Drayce out of trouble.

“Hm, I have no interest in cemeteries,” Fiorello answered as he idly patted his medical pouch as he searched for something. “I obviously don't like you heading off with that leg, but having you do something is better than having you go stir-crazy with not doing something.”

Drayce was glad that everyone understood his need to be always doing something. It didn’t matter what that something was, as long as it kept his mind busy. Lying in bed and staring up at the ceiling was like…worse than death or something. Ok, not quite that drastic, but damn near close!

“Believe me, I would be a nightmare if I wasn't allowed to move around,” Drayce couldn’t help but comment with a grin. “Ashton can attest to that.”

Ashton snorted before his expression unexpectedly darkened and his eyes narrowed. “Your father and grandfather are just the same...” he muttered more to himself than anyone else.

Blayke made a noise that was a combination of a scoff and a snort. “With those crutches, he won't get far. I'll make sure of it.”

“Aww, are you going to carry me?” Drayce just had to tease, which promptly earn him a narrow-eyed stare.

However before Blayke could utter a reply, Fiorello chuckled aloud as he pulled a bottle from his pouch and toddled over to Zohar and handed it to him. “I'm sure Zohar will be able to do just that should Drayce get too tired on his feet~”

Surprisingly Drayce felt his cheeks heat up in a blush, which promptly deepened when Zohar nonchalantly nodded his head and dutifully retrieved the bottle of medicine from Fiorello. Who, may he add, was smiling oh-so cheekily.

“W-we’ll get going now,” Drayce said as he turned around toward the front doors.

It was a little bit tricky getting down the front steps but Drayce was thankfully able to do so without causing concern from his teammates. He could tell that they weren’t exactly pleased to have him stumbling about on the crutches as he was clearly still recovering. But they thankfully didn’t say anything or try to coax him back inside.

Equally as fortunate was that they didn’t need to wait long for a carriage to pull up. It was large enough for the six of them. Blayke hopped in first in order to help Drayce in and Zohar supported Drayce as he passed the crutches in before he hefted himself into the carriage. It was thankfully easy with Blayke grasping his hand while Zohar supported him with hands on his back.

Drayce quickly settled in the middle of one of the seats with Blayke on the left of him and Zohar on the right. Across from him on the other seat and with their backs toward the driver sat Caelem, Kamali, and Faelen. The two therians were eagerly looking out the windows while Kamali sat comfortably between them with a small smile on his lips.

Shortly after that they were on the move through the city.

“This city is pretty big, isn’t it?” Faelen commented as he stared out the window.

Kamali nodded his head and folded his hands atop of his lap. “Yes. It is believed to have been built on the fallen remains of the Despot’s fortress that he created during the Legendary War.”

“I heard stories about that,” Drayce immediately perked up. “Do you think that there are remains still hidden beneath the city?”

Next to him Blayke sighed and punched his thigh lightly. “One mystery at a time.”

Drayce immediately turned to him and wrinkled his nose in annoyance. “Hey!”

Kamali lifted his hand to his lip and chuckled softly. He lowered his hand and smiled, seemingly ready to respond when his gaze flickered to the redheaded therian next to him. He tilted his head to the side, which prompted Drayce to turn his attention to Caelem as well.

Though Caelem seemed interested in the passing scenery, his ears were folded back slightly. He appeared nervous, wincing subtly every now and again.

“Hm? Is everything all right, Cal?” Drayce asked.

Caelem tensed in his seat, his ears springing up straight as he turned to look at him with a sheepish expression on his face. “Ah, yeah. Just a little nervous,” he admitted.

Ah, nervous about those bandits no doubt. Completely reasonable.

“There is no mana residing upon you,” Kamali said as he patted Caelem gently on the knee. “That necromancer will not be able to sense you now.”

“Even if they do, we’ll just sic Blayke onto them,” Drayce added jokingly, yet comforting as well.

Blayke folded his arms across his chest and snorted. “Should have let me do that from the beginning.”

Kamali and Faelen chuckled while Drayce grinned at his best friend. Protectiveness at its finest. But Caelem was greatly comforted by that. The tension in his shoulders and ears eased and he appeared relaxed.

“Ok,” Caelem said with a small smile on his lips.

They fell into silence after that, only the sound of the wooden wheels and horseshoes on stone laden roadways. Drayce turned to look to his right where Zohar sat silently as he stared out the window. His eyes, however, held a faraway look to them, as if he wasn’t paying attention to the scenery and instead was lost to his own thoughts. Though his expression was stoic, his jaw appeared tight.

Was he…uncomfortable? Or reminiscing on something?

Drayce didn’t want to disturb him, though he was curious.

A few more moments of silence passed before the carriage turned along a narrow and seemingly rarely used pathway that snaked along the old part of the city. Thick forests with small huts dotted along the road. Finally, they paused in front of an ancient stone archway and tall steel gates with the words “Iorys’ Cemetery”.

Naturally, everyone was both eager and cautious to get out of the carriage to look around.

Zohar slipped out first and immediately turned back toward them. Drayce was able to perch himself in the doorway of the carriage and was slightly surprised when Zohar reached up his hands and placed them on Drayce’s waist. Drayce felt a strange heating sensation appear on his cheeks, but he smiled sheepishly as he reached out himself to rest his hands on Zohar’s shoulders.

Then carefully and gently, Zohar lifted Drayce from the carriage and placed him onto the ground. His hands remained against Drayce’s side until Blayke hopped out with the crutches. He handed them to Drayce with an odd expression on his face. A slight scowl of protectiveness for some reason. But he didn’t say anything and Drayce didn’t point out his expression. Instead he simply uttered a thanks to both Blayke and Zohar as he retrieved the crutches and jammed them under his armpits to get himself balanced.

As everyone else clambered from the carriage, Drayce turned to look at the cemetery.

It was located on the side of a hill, which overlooked the city, though the view was mostly disrupted by the tall, thick forests that encircled the cemetery. The stone crypts and headstones seemed to loom over them. They were a faded grey with green moss mixed with black mould in patches climbing along the sides of the tombs. Some headstones were small and simple, while many more were eccentric with grand statues and faded engravings. Steel fencing encircled the smaller tombs while the large family plots were guarded with large steel doors.

It was quite stunning. And yet was also a mixture of gloom and silent respect. It would certainly be an unnerving and oppressive place at night. Would cause even those with the most rational minds get lost in their own imaginative fears.

With the driver of the carriage agreeing to wait for them, Drayce shuffled to the tall, black gates and was relieved to see that they weren’t locked. The creaked ominously loudly when he pushed them open, though.

They appeared to be the only ones there. Perhaps the first to visit in many years.

“These tombs are certainly quite old,” Kamali whispered as he glanced around in awe.

“And eccentric,” Blayke muttered as he also looked around, his expression of awe a lot more subtle than those of the others.

Caelem cautiously approached a large stone crypt with a black steel door and poked it with a fingertip. “They haven't been opened for centuries,” he commented.

Kamali nodded his head as he lifted a hand to play somewhat nervously with a strand of his hair. “Hm. Iorys actually has two cemeteries,” he explained. “This is the oldest, the one that predates the Legendary War and the few decades after. It soon ran out of room, though, so another had to be built on the other side of the city. A few causalities of the war are said to rest here also. Though...there were many that couldn't be returned.”

“There's so much history,” Drayce said when he noticed that many of the tall tomb had emblems that felt and looked somewhat familiar to him. He probably saw pictures of them in the many books detailing myths and legends that his grandpa would read to him when he was a kid. “Will need to come back at a later date to explore properly.”

Unexpectedly, but again not really, Blayke sighed. “Another place to explore…”

Drayce grinned broadly. “Bellyache all you want. You’re interested, too~”

“Oh, shut up,” Blayke scoffed with a slight blush on his cheeks and he promptly folded his arms. “Anyway, let’s pair off. Cover more ground that way.”

That was a good idea, actually. They only had a few hours to spare before they had to return to the Crescentia to get ready for a jaunt into the labyrinth at night.

“I’ll go with Kamali!” Faelen volunteered cheerfully which prompted Kamali to cover his mouth as he laughed again.

“Well then, Caelem should go with Blayke,” Drayce instructed. “I’ll hop along with Zohar. Shout if you find anything.”

“Don’t push yourself,” Blayke said as he gave Drayce a stern look.

Drayce simply waved him off and watched as they broke off into two groups. Kamali and Faelen took one path, Faelen eagerly asking Kamali questions most likely about his knowledge on the city. While Blayke and Caelem took another smaller path, Blayke taking the slight lead while Caelem stayed just half a step behind him but still quite close. It was good to note that he wasn’t as nervous as before.

It was also good to see his guildmates getting along well.

After watching his guildmates for a moment, Drayce finally turned his gaze to Zohar. He immediately noticed that Zohar had his chin lifted and his eyes looking slightly upwards. Drayce couldn’t see anything of note in his line of sight, but Zohar seemed focused on something.

“You ok, Zohar?” Drayce asked as he hobbled around on his crutches to face him. “You’ve been quiet.”

Zohar blinked, as if he had just snapped himself out of a trance. He then turned his gaze back toward Drayce and gave him an apologetic look. “Sorry, I’m lost in my thoughts,” he said before his brow furrowed slightly. “Are you certain you are up for entering the labyrinth tonight?”

Drayce tilted his head to the side. “You mean my leg? I’ll be fine. With everyone there, I’m sure we’ll find the Radiant Moon.”

Zohar didn’t appear all that convinced, but he nodded his head slowly nonetheless. He parted his lips to say something but he suddenly turned his head to the right and lifted his chin. It appeared as if he was trying to listen to something.

A bubble of concern appeared in Drayce’s chest. “Zohar?” he asked softly.

Zohar didn’t say anything at first. Just continued to look off in the distance. Almost as if he was looking at something. “...No. It's nothing. Just voices on the wind.”

Drayce tilted his head to the side in question. “Voices?”

Zohar nodded his head and finally turned his gaze back to Drayce. “Necromancers such as myself have the ability to hear the voices of the dead.”

“Oh,” Drayce uttered before that concern from before abruptly reappeared. “Oh, right. A-are you ok here?”

“Do not worry,” Zohar said with a small smile. “They’ve been blessed with eternal rest. There are no malicious voices here.”

Drayce wasn’t entirely sure what that meant, but found it reassuring anyway. “What are they saying?”

Again, Zohar didn’t answer right away. He just gazed intently, yet softly at him. He then unexpectedly lifted his hand to gently slip a finger under Drayce’s chin. “...You're an incredibly special person.”

“Huh?” Drayce uttered, his mind going blank.

“Come,” Zohar said instead as he dropped his hand from Drayce’s chin and abruptly turned back in the direction he had stared in only moments ago. “This way.”

“Ah, ok,” Drayce said as he hastily took control of his crutches and followed behind Zohar closely.

Zohar walked slowly to allow Drayce to keep pace, thankfully, and he led him deeper into the cemetery. Into an area that had to be the oldest of the graveyard. Stone pathways were unkempt with cracks in the stone work and weeds between the tombs reaching waist high.

As they rounded a large family plot, a small clearing within the graveyard opened up. In the centre was an enormous willow tree. And underneath the tree, nestled safely with the spiralling roots and low hanging branches was a stone crypt with a stone angel lying in mourning atop and at the foot of a long stone sword. The stonework was faded and most of the walls of the crypt were covered in moss and creeping flower vines. But it appeared sturdy and seemingly untouched by man for centuries.

It was actually quite beautiful.

However, it was the crest engraved upon the door of the tomb that caught Drayce’s immediate attention.

That was his family’s crest. The symbol of the Pendragon family.

Drayce felt his breath leave him as he hurried toward the crypt. It took longer than he would have liked to navigate around the spiralling roots, but Zohar thankfully and patiently aided him and within a matter of moments he stood in front of his family crest.

A crest that bore two familiar names.

“This is...it,” he uttered as he stared with wide eyes. “Aura and Astrio.”

He quickly balanced himself on his uninjured foot to bring his fingers to his mouth and released a short, sharp whistle. That was sure to get the other’s attention. He then quickly gripped at the handholds of his crutches and turned himself around so that he could look out for his guildmates.

“Where are you?!” Blayke was heard shouting back.

“Head for the willow tree!” Drayce shouted back.

Less than a minute later four familiar figures appeared from behind another large tomb and immediately headed in his direction. Blayke at the forefront as usual.

“What’s up?” Blayke immediately asked as he strode over to him, failing miserably in hiding his concern even though he was frowning.

“Found them,” Drayce said simply as he motioned toward the large stone crypt with a tilt of his head.

Everyone immediately snapped their attention toward the mighty tomb and collectively their mouths dropped open in awe and surprise.

“It appears undisturbed,” Kamali commented after a moment of silence. “And peaceful.”

“Yeah,” Drayce said as he turned back to his family crest. “They're still here.”

“It's actually quite beautiful,” Blayke commented with a genuine sense of awe in his voice. “They were quite beloved, weren't they?”

Again, Drayce nodded his head and reached out to press his hand against the memorial stone. “Yeah.”

Everyone fell silent as Drayce trailed a fingertip over the names, gently tracing each letter and spelling them out in his head. He then leaned forward and pressed his forehead against the aging stone. "Don't worry, Aura. I'll find the Radiant Moon and bring it home. You can rest easy."

He rested his forehead against the stone for a few moments simply thinking about what he read from Aura’s diaries and of the Radiant Moon itself. When he finally leaned back a slight breeze tussled his hair softly and he liked to think that Aura and Astrio, his ancestors, were appreciative of his actions.

“Drayce,” Blayke said softly. “It's getting late.”

“I know,” Drayce said as he dropped his hand from the stone plague. “We better head back.”

It was surprisingly hard to turn away from his ancestors’ final resting place, but he reassured himself that he would visit them again. When he wasn’t injured and when he found and safely gifted the Radiant Moon back to the Earthlain Royal family.

“Are you all right?” Kamali asked him gently as Drayce hobbled slightly on his crutches.

“Hm? Yeah, I'm fine, don't worry,” Drayce said with a gentle smile. “I'm glad I found them. The next time I visit I'll have found the Radiant Moon. And Aura's story will be heard and understood. Enough time has passed. It needs to be known.”

“For your first official treasure hunt, you certainly went all out,” Blayke unexpectedly commented.

And Drayce laughed as the six of them headed back the way they came to meet up with their patiently waiting carriage driver. “Makes you wonder what my next trick is going to be, doesn't it? Well, we'll just have to find out.”

Next stop; the Cresentia.

And then the labyrinth to finally bring home the Radiant Moon of Compassion.