#makes me go CRAZYYYYYY
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Panzer division is about to cut the road south. Looks like you guys are going to be surrounded. We're paratroopers, Lieutenant. We're supposed to be surrounded. BAND OF BROTHERS (2001) | 1.5 "Crossroads"
#tuserhan#userpayton#userrobin#tuserliliana#tuserlisa#userjack#usersavana#ronsparky#usermerrilou#userrlaura#hbowar#hbowaredit#bobedit#bandofbrothersedit#perioddramaedit#band of brothers#userdiana#holly.gif#holly.mine#the winters ep that makes me go crazyyyyyy
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You’re looking for something— no, someone, too, aren’t you?
(I can’t comprehend how you understand what’s going on, with your lifeless shell. Craft as you are.)
#isat#in stars and time#live a live#isat loop#cube live a live#RAHHHHHH [COMBINES MY FIXATIONS]#behold my crack fic au. tiny robot in dormont#I’m cooking let me cook. cube has the little guy little dude vibes#and is also canonically like. a baby?#their chapter in the game happens the day they were finished#so. a baby.#cube is so <3. their chapter is a space horror#I would 100% recommend at least watching a video of it#IT GOES CRAZYYYYYY#pov flicking a card that says die child die at the floor. so#anyways. this au makes no sense to anyone but me#this is MY funny house and I’m going to play in it#worlds smartest baby [a robot] figures out timeloop shit before the party more at 2#if you ask I WILL ramble abt the concept of this au I will#<- trying desperately to get away from working on my other au post#[I need to draw smth for it and I’m struggling lollll]#sitting here like ughhh I don’t wanna draw this imageee [puts off entire au post]#ANYWAYSSSS#LOOP WOULD HATE THIS KID. the fuck is a robot.#the fuck is this damn thing and how has it read me literally immediately#how dare you be made of craft. be artificial. and be able to read my despair like a book#how dare you; a fake being made by someone else. be more human to me than the people that once were my party#how dare you want to help me when I dont know you because you didn’t EXIST in my loops#…but. uh. thanks for the coffee. even if I can’t drink it I recognize the sentiment. or whatever#falls to the floor dramatically. oughhhh loop and cube ougughhh
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the main problem other than my country (NOT AMERICA🇭🇺) being a corrupt fascist shithole is that if i stay in the same place doing the same thing for too long i start going insane like just the idea of having to do another year of uni makes me want to gnaw at the bars of my cage that doesn't exist. slow tigers chasing me etc. but like 1) i need a degree 2) i need to get out of the country asap 3) having a degree would help me to/when i get out 4) i cannot bear the thought of buckling down and doing my work til mid 2026 like oh my.god. taking a gap year is definitely helping i literally only spent like 2 weeks of this semester in my house but like i need my entire life to be like that not just a few months of it. maybe i should work as a steward on a plane or smtg i dont KNOWW
#like im going crazyyyyyy i cant handle being in the same place doing the same thing for#more than like a few months at most. 2 or 3 or god forbid even more semesters of uni is actually sickening#I've completed 4 so it should only be 2 more but it's gonna be 3 coz i have to make up for the one i missed#the worst part is that im never gonna work in the field my degree is in it sucks ass#like the topic is rly interesting but the field and the work is atrocious i aint doing that#i dont regret picking it i met a lottttt of awesome ppl and i got to go to a bunch of random ass places#but i already have like 0 motivation to work towards anything ever especially when it's smtg i know I'll never use#I'm just gonna have to grit my teeth and get through it but i cannottttt do it while living at home like I'd die fr#i think that's what the compromise is gonna have to be like either they let me move out and i#finish uni or i quit uni and move abroad alone with no degree and no prospects#i mean i'll move abroad and get disowned no matter what but it'd be nice to do it with a degree#barking
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My lyrics for Double!! I really loved this song and became like a thousand times more impressed by Deco27 and Natsuki Hanae after working with it for so long 😅 I chickened out of recording this one in the apartment but if anyone wants to cover it... lmk.... 👀 I can definitely put something together to help hear how the rhythms work, because I got it all to line up very nicely! (Lyrics under the cut and my little commentary in the tags)
(I’ve got you, leave it to me!)
Welcome home, it's another day, keeping things at bay, you see no change
Not a smile in this mess, you're doing your best, you say (wake up)
"Don't need a break" as you proceed to start breaking, both sleeping and waking makes you bleed
And now, reborn anew -- I'll take in on for you
Not your plan? Who gives a damn, I'm here and here is where I'll stay
It's just the two of us, nothing left to run from. You're safe now, your hero's come.
All I did was dream, is that a crime? Is that enough to name me guilty by?
"He can't be trusted, he lied," you cried. Made me out as the bad guy. But why?
Ah, I'm the one that saved you, don't you see? So tell me why the hell you cry to me!
Let me hear you revel, grateful, cling to me with "savior," "adore" -- oh, sing to me.
Welcome home, it's another day, keeping things at bay, you see no change
Too late, your limits passed. Too late, yourself has cracked (goodnight)
If you persist I'll assist with releasing, keeping your peace is why I exist
And now reborn anew -- I'll take it on for you
(Oh, hello? Mom? It’s been a while. Yeah.. well, I mean, some days are hard but I’m doing alright, don’t worry. How’ve you been? I’ll go home next time I get some time off...)
The reason I'm alive, must be making sure that you survive
"He can't be trusted, he lied," you cried. Made me out as the bad guy. But why?
All I did was dream, did you forget? Go on and forgive me, I'm no threat.
Listen to me confess, honest. Eat your words and I bet, regret
Ah, I just tried to help, tried to be strong. So tell me why the hell it's all gone wrong
Let me hear you revel, grateful, cling to me with "savior," "adore" -- don't sing me this song
Lost my memory
I'm double, it was unavoidable
Living painfully
I'm trying, as hard as possible
Tell me, tell me.
If I wasn't born, maybe this trouble --
Tell me, tell me.
It's all my fault
#milgram#mikoto kayano#lyrics#i feel bad it cut in front of the other milgram songs but it was a lot easier than the others#(not that it was easy by any means but the other ones are giving me even more trouble asdfsdf)#but yeah!!! im so happy with these!!!#i will forever be jealous of the rhyming in the original refrain --#nante itte/natte nande/datte sugatte/utatte tatte IS SO WONDERFULLY SATISFYING#it makes me crazyyyyyy#i know i dont get half that fun in mine but im still really satisfying with the rhymes/phrasing#wtf is going on in the rest of the song 😭 i came for the incredible refrain and had to deal with all That......#the 'dont need a break' and 'if you persist' lines gave me so much trouble 😭 he just keeps on going.....#i took a bit of a liberty with the 'sing to me' line because every version of 'thatd be good' sounded so lame 😅#trying to do some kind of play on sing your sins while its john really wanting to communicate but idk if that worked#an unintended but exciting detail is 'you say' sounding like 'you say wake up' rather than 'you say dont need a break'#since thats right when he wakes john up so to speak#any milgram pals who want to sing -- these are always open to use >:3
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still haven't seen challengers but i did get to do a challengers-style three way kiss with two gorgeous girls over the summer
#the kiss post i just rbed reminded me i never actually mentioned tht this happened on here sgdfhhg#tht shit was crazyyyyyy fr. it was the same night tht i asked u guys on here which dress i should wear to an event lol#so if u voted in that poll. u contributed to making this happen#grandpa max is god? i go to church now
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need to tag my posts better so when im going insane about the worf and jaxa dynamic again i don't have to start from scratch every time
#will i tag them better though? probably not. oops.#they make me crazyyyyyy#that post that's like 'we need to start going insane about platonic dynamics' brother i am already there
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one day i will write an essay about nexus and dark star power and addiction but that is not today
#tsams#i relate to moon/nexus too much and this arc has me LOSING ITTTT#i have so many Thoughts at All Times#hyperfixation go brr#also transfem sun#and solar/eclipse parallels#every eclipse is trans esp ruin i will die on this hill#all i do is think abt these bots#collecting evidence and ideas until i have something coherent enough to post lmaooo#i also have a draft of a pokemon trainer au with teams and explanations for every critter#smh smh they make me crazyyyyyy
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i regularly consider putting tma on to listem 2 to fall asleep like i used to but i still cant bc it still gives me that super anxious feeling just to think abt listeninf again bc i like it so much ughhhhh what a stupid problem to haveeeeee
#tma makes me too crazyyyyyy#i like it so much it gives me anxietyyyy#but if i dont listen to my guy im going to keep going more and mroe out of character with him man#its embarrassing
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Zzzzzzz mimimimimi
#tired#no thoughts head empty#I wanna do stuff#but no brain power#*sighs*#they should let me make commas in the tags#I love commas#gn who ever sees this#may you have a lovely no wakey cold pillow nigjt#maybe you’ll see me later hehehhe#(I forgot to take my sleep meds but I’m hoping it’ll be fine)#for sure I won’t just wake up in the middle of the night right??? that’d be crazyyyyyy#also (ignoring that nobody will have gone this deep into my tags) I removed all of the nd stuff in my bio because I didn’t show signs when -#was little#I’m getting trauma therapy though#I’m curious how much of my brain rn is trauma and how much is actually me/ my genetics /gen#very interesting#I’m hoping it will make all of/most of my mental health problems go away#but that would probably be too good to be true#‘s kinda funny when you think about it#my body has been in fight/ flight mode aka traumatized for 6? years now?#man that’s a long time#wow#I didn’t realize it was that long#anyway#vent post#tag because it might’ve accidentally turned into one#good night :D#mimimimimim
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1x15 the benders season one episode of all time
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web weaving or whatever
#last night my brain had two thoughts collide like atoms producing a nuclear fission in the form of THEE most insane trope to ME which is#pet psychopath and his even crazier handler -> brandt and luke respectively#watching brandt get at it with an OHL dad over the boards during the playoff like YEAHHH that's my dman with character issues#SO BEAUTIFUL. and the tsn video too. god. the one where he gets into a playfight but ends up spinning the dude around#the potential is THERE and i am cooking up SO many scenarios in my head i am actually going insane.#when you're the kid who used to beat up your brothers friends during street hockey and you were called a pitbull like CMONNNN#it's not that luke doesnt have character issues its just that it was trained out of him by ellen who would NEVER let that fly but unlike hi#lady byng finalist brother and his +2 penalty drawing brother luke has ZERO compulsions actually shithousing someone#and he's such a bitch about it too. he's more of a bitch than his two brothers combined. if penalties weren't a thing in real life#the clarke/hughes dpairing would be the most rat bastard shithousery penalty drawns tandem in the LEAGUE thats my inteprid take#and the thing about pet psychopath and his even crazier handler is it that the devotion goes CRAZYYYYYY#brandt going fucking insane and luke having to haul him off before he starts beating up the dude himself like NOBODY FUCKS WITH MY BABY!!!#even if my baby started it lol. if brandt's crazy luke is batshit insane and then brandt has to go haul luke off before he gets kicked out#someone tries to chirp brandt over him fighting for luke constantly and brandt is like :) you're fucking lucky it's not luke#because CRUCIALLY luke is the better fighter. again. his even crazier handler. always ready to answer for brandt's attitude#in the locker room brandt like good job baby that was so sexy of you to right hook him -> rest of the devs staring in horror#JUST SOMETHING ABOUT COMING TO BLOWS FOR YOUR MAN!!! LOOKING UP AT HIM WITH A SMILE FULL OF BLOOD LIKE DID I DO GOOD? DID I MAKE YOU PROUD?#AND THEM RESPONDING WITH 100% RECIPROCATION. OH IT WAS ALWAYS ABOUT THE RECIPROCATION.#need them to be fucking bitches on the ice beating everyone up that would be so sexy to me!!!#the brandt/luke agenda#thinking. perhaps even thoughting. thunking.
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shit, it's Christmas in two days????
#im making this post because I unironically don't know what to do#venting again#I leave my parents house whenever I can when im home because house being messy gives me anxiety#and I could clean but listen#their house is Huge#like id be exhausted and grossed out and also#I don't want to#so ive been occupying myself by going to lil cafes and reading#ive been to barnes and noble like three times in the past week alone (I buy tiny items when im there and just spend time reading at the caf#Christmas Day my parents are prob gonna stay here instead of going to my grandmas house#which ugh#idk what to do!! I could play guitar and piano all day#bc we don't really celebrate Christmas now that my brother and I are Grown#so idk#ig I'll clean the house and eat food and play music#so festive!!!#and think about my crush a lot more and maybe call my friends bc I miss them#hehe im dating my crush like crazy in my head#shes so crazyyyyyy#(me im her)#(but im a dude)#why do I almost want to spend Christmas at my friends' house lol#bc loaded topic but I do NOT talk to my father#lol
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hi im gonna say goodbye to her in like 5 mins im waiting for her to wrap up another meeting rn. and i burst into tears in front of my colleagues and VERY visibly just cried 😁👍👍👍👍👍👍
#purrs#i am so INSANELY triggered rn and don’t know how to keep my emotions in check. i don’t want to cry or be messy. oh god. this is the worst#thing that has ever happened to me LMFAOOOOOOOOO actually it’s not. but it’s up there. this is so bad. i feel like im going to die or#explode or both. it’s literally not thst deep bc we’ll keep in touch and she’s not moving away or anything she’s just retiring. but it’s#making me CRAZYYYYYY how i am reliving the same horrors from last year. THE SAME HORRORS. before even having a chance to heal from the FIRST#horrors!!!!!!!! LIKE WHAT THE HELL. i can only take so much. i can’t withstand it all. i couldn’t suppress the tears anymore i just exploded#LOLLLL. the way i ugly cried and might do it again IN FRONT OF HER…. HELP. lol ♥️ and we will only have 10 mins to talk bc she has another t#thing at 12:45 and i squandered so much time crying and having to clean my face off that now i burned our last precious moments. AWESOMEEEEE#delete later
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if i think too long about eivor and vili i will explode
#they are literally fucking nuts they make me crazyyyyyy#they have childhood friends to lovers they have doomed to be forever separated by duty they have it all#gd i need to go read some fic#ac.txt#ky posts text
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smth smth the promise to beat each other smth smth
#it makes me go CRAZYYYYYY#the promise of defeating each other. hinata telling kenma he's the one that will make him like volleyball and be desperate to win#hqposting#jo.txt
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Self Harm
I ate today. Until it hurt. I feel the hurt right now. I know I have to eat healthier so that I don't have pain like I did earlier this year. But sometimes I binge.
And that's self harm. I practice that sometimes. Even when I don't realize I do, I'm recently discovering.
See, when I was younger, it was definitely binging. It was "justified" cause I needed food to last through to band practice. Then cause of Brandon's ass and the tbh self hatred I had for my bigger self, I ate better. And healthy habits were formed.
Until they didn't. And I fell into a deep depression. So deep it became vile. And negative thoughts echoed negative emotions until I gave in. I tried the etch a sketch moment all of once. Until I was too much of a wimp to see it through. Spent that night buoyed to the phone and a person I was grateful to be there for me at that time. And decided weed was there for me. And exercise too.
Until I found a way to harm with that. I didn't even notice it initially. Having the gym to myself to fuck around and play ball was just nice. I could listen to sports, practice moves I saw in match ups right before, lose weight AND work towards mental clarity all at once. It's easy to accidental stick around lost in that playful world until you're exhausted.
Then I'd get upset at myself. Maybe for missing an assignment when I knew I'd been in college too long for that shit. Or cause I was still lost in my life's direction and upset I couldn't just figure it out already. Or would fail to meet the expectations of the girl I liked. And I'd pound that ball for hours. Until I was beyond exhausted. Until I knew my body would have no serotonin to give me and would force me into a depressive episode. Cause how dare I keep fucking up? At least this is good for you.
And it wasn't. And it's not.
I'm a self harmer.
And it's something I kinda knew but didn't know the extent of until now. And how hilarious my usual first steps to getting out these situations can lead to the self harm I literally just talked about. Oh well. I've even used the herb as a self harm tool but that doesn't mean I'll give it totally up just yet. Just like everything in life, moderation right?
#I'm def nowhere NEAR the stamina or love for exercise to pull that shit off right now though#jesus#can you imagine#I'm going to do couch to 5k since the hoop across the street isn't available rn#I used to run to a podcast for that but now I'm thinking I have better pace with music#lmao like my out of shape ass can even discuss pace rn#I'm just trying to gain that runners high again#and that mental clarity#once you hit that#exercising becomes addictive and just part of the routine#get my healthy vice on#I'm not on a great groove rn but I wanna tackle it#I don't want to sink into this bad shit rn#I have so much more bullshit I'd like to make in this world#there's a space for me in this haha realm if I allow it#if you allow yourself to get it#if you allow yourself to love you#I didn't play guitar hero for me to post this shit so I hope this helps that thinky box me#I can be shredding like crazyyyyyy rn bro smhhhh
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