#makes me feel like i’m being gaslit. in a fun way

[marijanetunes]

the thing about using uncommon time signatures is that sometimes you can like. Feel the smugness in the music. it doesn’t ruin the song for me because i’m also smug about that sort of thing but like you can often psychically detect when the song is written with a vibe of “oooooo guys check it outtttt we wrote a song in 7/4 or some shitttttttt”. and like thats fine. i honestly have a thing for pretension and egotism and slightly masturbatory experimentation in art. but some songs in uncommon time just feel so much more intuitive. finding one of those is so blissful like it just feels like a knot in my brain is unravelling. smug uncommon time feels like i’m engaged in combat with the music, like i’m on a mechanical bull or trying to outwit a trickster god. intuitive uncommon time feels like realizing you’re fluent in a language you’ve never spoken before. my goal for 2025 is to become even more insufferable and pretentious.

[pidge0n8]

the problem with shipping doorkeay/gerrymichael is that if we take into account what we know from canon, not only it doesnt support it but it actually actively disproves the ship

and i don’t even mean the timeline or the fact that they never met in canon, that shit is the easiest to get over

like you know how you sometimes have a ship that is completely out of left field if you only look at canon, but then you look at the characters and you think, if they only ever met they would work so well together? yea that doesn’t really apply here. there are so many things about their characterisation that just make the ship impossible if we’re trying to make it canon compliant (this might be a me problem tho, cuz i’m a sucker for canon compliance, the closer to canon the better, sue me)

if i start imagining their relationship i keep finding things that break the canon:

gerry finds out that michael doesn’t know shit -> he tells him everything at once, then he would probably try to figure out who and why decided to keep him in the dark -> michael now knows about the entities so he probably cannot be fed to the spiral

michael is sacrificed to the spiral -> gerry definitely wants to know what happened -> i don’t think he’d want to work with gertrude after that, though idk

gerry would probably also tell michael that gertrude is only pretending to be geriatric and incapable, though i can imagine that michael wouldn’t believe him, she gaslit him pretty good

distortion michael and gerry are really fun i know, but i have the hardest time making it work with their characterisation, especially with gerry’s. i’m sorry i just dont see him getting involved with an avatar, especially one that killed his bf and now looks like a twisted version of him. and also i don’t think he could get over the fact that the distortion just eats people

now all that being said, am i still shipping them? yes. yes i am. they work together in so many other ways, it’s just the contradictory things feel really ship-breaking i guess

i’m also toying with the idea of writing a fic, and i like to think that i found somewhat satisfying solutions to these problems (i probably will never write this fic, but a girl can dream i guess)

[ilikekidsshows]

So I watched the first 2 seasons or so of ML because I thought the premise was super cute and fun, and while I had a generally fun time watching it was just a bit too episodic for me so I just kinda stopped watching (like, I recall even the writers at the time saying the eps could be watched in any order, which was for me enough of a sign that this wouldn’t go anywhere that I just couldn’t feel truly invested). But like I said the premise was so good I’d peek into the fandom from time to time just to see how things were going and it seems like I made the right choice to drop when I did, lol. I just fell into a rabbit hole of ml salt posts recently and feel like a lot of my early concerns ended up super validated. However, even though I haven’t watched the show in years I can’t help but feel disappointed at so much wasted potential. I’m curious as someone who still watches, do you engage with fanfic / other fandom stuff as an alternative to canon?

---

Oh, don’t get me wrong, I don’t watch, not even to hate watch. I follow from the sidelines and read episode transcripts and check out singular scenes. It’s like, when you move away from a crappy town, and there’s some news article about how bad that place is having it and you read it for some vindication of the “I knew it was shit, I hope others can see that too now and get out” kind.

I have a very hard time engaging with Miraculous fanfiction for the same reason I have a hard time watching even my old favorite episodes. The way Miraculous shat the bed retroactively made all the things set up in the previous seasons crap too. Oh, you like the lovesquare? Well, in canon Marinette doesn’t give a damn about Adrien or Cat Noir as a person, only being interested in him as a prize. Have fun watching them grow closer in the previous seasons! Oh, you want Adrien to get freedom away from his abusive dad? Well, in canon he gets gaslit into thinking his dad was a good person and he’s now stuck living in a world his father created. Also he’s a remote control robot and can therefore never be truly free! What a fun twist!

Adrien’s entire species got retconned in a way that makes a happy ending impossible, and the main romantic couple got twisted in a way that I just can’t see our lead actually caring about her romantic partner, unless she was blatantly out of character. That makes it very hard to enjoy fanfic, even when they don’t bring these problems up, there’s very little a fan writer can do to disconnect their story from canon enough for these things to not be serious problems. Currently, the only Miraculous fic I’m reading is the Divorce AU, Perfect Paradise, where Adrien finds out all this and instantly divorces Marinette, and the fic is about them dealing with the fallout of Adrien having been married to and having had kids with someone who, while still loving him, was mistreating him to such a degree.

And the irony of this is that the show started getting noticeably worse as soon as it started being less episodic. For many other shows, that’s usually when the writers really cut their teeth and the show starts being more engaging as a result. For Miraculous, the episodic format actually worked to lessen the issues with the writing.

[beardedmrbean]

One of my coworkers her boyfriend gave her a black eye so she moved into the DV shelter but now she’s talking about how she’s moving in with him cus she forgave him and she’s all happy and as a friend I have to be happy to right? Like I can’t just say dump his abusive ass? I’m literally just waiting for the next time he hits her…what can I do?

Ya in my experience "dump his abusive ass" doesn't work at all, sadly.

Make sure she knows where the resources for help are, (gently) encourage her to maybe not do the moving in thing, physically and emotionally manipulative people are very good at being the way they are but making it seem like it's your fault that these things happen.

Which just keeps the other person coming back, even if they know and have acknowledged that they know they're being gaslit or otherwise manipulated.

Being there and (gently) encouraging her to get away is gonna be your best option, that and keeping an eye on her at work and offering an ear if needed.

This wasn't the first time he'd hit her I'm guessing, most people don't go to the DV shelter after round one, abuser may step up their abuse to find the line too.

I'm 100% sure there are several people that follow me and what not that will know better than I do, provided they don't encourage extreme violence at least, 'castrate him' isn't helpful even if it is fun to say since it's not going to happen.

But anyone has anything please feel free to add it here or you can send me a anon about it and I will make sure this anon gets it.

But best i have is, be available, listen to her, and (gently) remind her that there are people and places out there she can go to for help and you're also willing to help to a point.

[sadevergreen]

as a camp counselor (technically not currently bc i went home for Illness) and homestuck fan (also technically not currently bc I'm too busy being a camp counselor) i love camp skaia. which homestuck characters are most likely to be the "we're ALL sick there's no reason you can't do the hike up the hill" (has mild cold and vague heatsickness at worst) counselor x "actual lung infection but thinks it's a really normal cold" (very easily gaslit) counselor program group pair? i feel like eridan and kanaya are hot contenders here

ooo ok this is so good- apologies for the ever loving hell that you are about to see but i sought assistance from my dear dear pale friend @marv3l-drag0ns !!!!!!!! MUAH PLATONICALLLY <> ILY they were a huge help in putting this together

BOY DO I HAVE A LOT TO SAY ON THIS, THIS WAS EXTREMELY FUN :D

so let’s begin: my immediate instinct was kanaya and tavros are the most easily gaslit, or adhere most to given direction (we’re not going to talk about HIM). but then who to pair them with? they are both wet cats that won’t work. we decided that YES kanaya and eridan definitely make sense! but in which role? it may seem obvious but NO! eridan too sick? whiny fussy pitiful sopping kitty he’s just a beanbag full of milk! so we decided barely sick eridan, otherwise he’d be throwing a fit. instead he’s referring to his Superior Genes! and kanaya is. strugglin. but fuck man here we are 🤷‍♂️

But we’re not done yet!

the next we considered was karkat and terezi!! especially aided through the lens of karkat’s old crush on terezi; he’s too whipped and in denial to deny a girl a hand!

this led to possibly the funniest thing ever: THE INNER KANKRI THAT EVERYONE HAS AND HE SITS ON YOUR SHOULDER AND REMINDS YOU TO BE DECENT AND LEAVE ROOM FOR KANKRI

for the bigger drawings i capped it off with a good ol favorite of mine; erifef. why did i like them? man idek anymore but it worked really well with the idea of eridan being the sicker one, but being ok such thin ice over his constant whining that he just has to go along with it we just though it was funny hehe. it can be viewed through any lens! snippy or non, s’all good here! it’s all canon.

what is he was sick and he couldn’t whine 🥺 what is he was sick and he wasn’t allowed even a snivle about it 🥺 not a snort 🥺 or a sob 🥺 he’s so pathetic !!!! besides, he can’t be out paced by some fuckin kids!!!! HES A GROWN ADULT 16-18 Y/O CAMP COUNSELOR GODDAMNIT!!

MARVEL: “Feferi: ah yes your sickness you have a functioning immune system and are the most dramatic guy on planet earth (only one of those statements is true)” which statement? :) yeah

she doesn’t believe him anymore <333

Ok and that is it for full line art doodles, but!!! i couldn’t resist drawing some more pairs we pondered

ERIDAN AND KARKAT: omfg so good!! but they would 100% either both be tooooo sick and dead, or they would both be mostly fine

VRISKA AND TAVROS: no. and you know why we’re not doing this one :,( we all instantly knew this one would be here but we are choosing to ignore it im favor of…

TAVROS AND KARKAT: Marvel proposed it and it was very interesting!! i think similar to eridan and karkat, where they’re both dead or both barely sick. no i’m between. aggressive yet positive motivation (?) for the win!!! they further proposed that karkat “eats dirt for a living and doesn’t get sick very often”

Overall this was really fun to put together and answer, and i had a blast getting to colab with a mutual along the way :3 so thank you anon and thank you marvel!! this does bring me to something i’ve been meaning to say,,.,,,

@marv3l-drag0ns ,,? we’ve been friends forever, you know my dogs middle name, we complete each other in a way no one else can! you stop me from eating bones i find on the road, and i stop you from ascending to godtier to avoid going to exams…,…

would you be my

Moirail? <>

anyways! that’s all for now <3 this was so fun :) please send in more asks/ requests like this if you ever think of any more! i definitely feel for the camp counselor piece cause that was me earlier this summer PFF and all the counselors got sick and passed something around (but hey! it was an excuse to sit away from 7 y/olds for a few minutes while i got tea for my sore throat)

[tigsbitties]

talk to me about karin

Okay I yapped WAYYY more than i meant to um

Sexuality Headcanon: Bisexual probably. I don’t have any super strong thoughts about this is just feel it in my heart. I’m not sure if that’s something she knows about herself or not though. no time for dat goku. I’ve seen the specific take before that Karin is bisexual with a preference for women but subconsciously likes daan bc he’s effeminate and that’s fun i think. i dont need some queer eyepatched foreigner getting my dick hard :/

Gender Headcanon: I’ve tossed around the idea of him having transmasc swag before— not in a “rude and assertive woman has to be a man” type way (something i see people swear up and down is both common and a problem? but i literally almost never see anyone headcanon canonically female characters as eggs so what’s the truth.) but more so as an extension of the “i know i’m right about this why doesn’t anyone believe me” theme going on with his character (tangent unrelated to this but i think a character who was constantly gaslit growing up who now can’t accept being told they’re wrong about anything bc of the fear of being put back in that situation to be super fucking interesting. Karin i love you.) like spending your childhood being talked down to and having things you know to be factually true about yourself and the world around you be repeatedly denied is a transgender experience i think. i’m not sure in mainline canon this is something he’d ever fully figure out or act upon but you never know.

I think in a modern day au he’d have a deeply cringey teenage truscum phase because stupid fucking Dalia doesn’t believe he’s trans bc “you were such a feminine little girl growing up 🥺 who’s making you do this why are you drifting away from me after all i do for you 🥺🥺” so he takes out that pent up rage on Daan (also a teenager on tumblr in this hypothetical scenario) who he sends anon hate to for triggering his “second hand dysphoria” and will not believe daan when he says he’s cis bc he “types in all lower case” and “has a carrd” . they meet in person years and years later for unrelated reasons with no memory of this. This is a lot of words for a headcanon I don’t even follow consistently I realize.

also jesus pocketcat can you fuck off? he’s wearing his dysphoria jacket.

A ship I have with said character: I am a huge daarin guy to like a HUMILIATING degree. i know that’s like. the most basic ass redditor wholesome chungus ship choice a person could have or whatever but it’s something that canonically has a lot going for it i think. You have to understand that first and foremost i live for banter— which they have in spades, their party talks are so fucking funny. I love having them both as party members when i play through termina— god especially the one about Daan’s soft hands? Why do you know they’re soft? did you feel them? are you susssing this out by just looking? i don’t know which is worse. jesus christ.

but besides that i think this little bit encapsulates a lot about what i find interesting about their dynamic. Karin’s insistence that Daan, because he is visibly wealthy, must be prissy and fragile to over compensate for insecurity at coming from a well off family— completely unaware of the fact Daan has spent large chunks of his childhood fending for himself in the woods. Daan’s complete disinterest i’m giving a serious response because this is such a bizarre thing to get caught up in. “just making small talk” you’re unwell.

The two of them def go beyond “characters i ship for fun”. i do think they’re two halves a whole in that you need one to fully understand the character of the other— like Karin is someone born into aristocracy who has rejected it both because of the ways it’s hurt her (created a scenario in which a malicious adult had unfiltered access to her bc her parents were too busy to care for her making paying someone else to do it more convenient) and more broadly the way it hurts those at the bottom of the class system (which is most people) and how Daan is someone born and horrifically abused at the bottom of that system who managed to weasel his way up the ladder and gain the necessary tools and education to survive at the cost of making a spectacle of, and by extension reliving, that abuse.

Likewise i think the two of them have more aligned goals than they realize. At the end of the day i think both them genuinely really do want to help people— regardless of what subconscious hang ups or insecurities are part of that want. For as stand offish as she is and her tendency to antagonize those who probably don’t deserve it, Karin is deeply passionate about the welling being of others and will do anything she thinks is necessary for a greater good— even if it may come across as exploitative or insensitive. Like there is definitely 100% an element of ego to it— the idea of “if i help others then that makes me a good person™️ and i should be praised for being a good person™️” is totally there— but it’s not all there is to it you know?

Likewise Daan being a doctor coexists as both a testament to his own lack of agency in his life and how his body can be used and discarded how anyone else sees fit if it’s for a greater good and as something he does because he cares about other people and wants to put good into the world. Like even if he comes to the conclusion that the people of prehevil are too far gone to be helped in a way that matters, he still makes the effort to figure out if something can be done about it. And i do think it’s a testament to his character that he mentions his primary clients he sees are prostitutes— people who are made to feel ashamed and dirty for their occupation, something he can empathize with and would want to help without judgement. I like the argument Daan and Karin have in the slums about why these people are sick and what they should be doing about it, because at the end of the day no matter how badly their personalities may clash they want the same thing. Alright buddy you got two options here. you can either have someone help you to affirm their ego or as a form of self harm. those are your choices. choose wisely.

I also really like that like. Karin’s an atheist in the actual sense of that word where she doesn’t believe in gods or magic in a world where that stuff is very tangibly real and Daan is an atheist in the way characters in christian movies are atheists where they do believe in god they just have personal beef with him. do you understand. i like this party talk a lot

In general i think they strike such a good balance with their clashing personalities of having very real issues with each other that are interesting to explore while also having banter that is genuinely really fun to read in a game so often as unpleasant as termina. I’ve seen people complain about people watering down Karin’s “genuine hatred for daan” for the sake of fluffy ship content— and i can see that broadly from the angle of “art and fics about on these two tend to focus on them arguing in a light hearted cutesy without exploring why they clash in the first place” but also like? idk i think “genuine hatred” is a bit strong for what in the game itself largely leads to comic banter. I think there can be emotional complexity intertwined with lighthearted scenarios. I don’t think anyone’s light hearted daarin post canon is hurting anyone or necessarily means they “didn’t understand” the source material.

In general the appeal to me from a romantic standpoint comes in the form of seeing how these characters who have already established strong feelings towards each other in an incredibly short amount of time could potentially develop if given the chance to. And i don’t even think i see them ever “dating” per say? I think their relationships with the concept of romance in a traditional sense would be very complicated and not something easily applied to each other— but i think in a post canon scenario where they’re both still alive there’s plenty of opportunity for an emotional intensity to form there— one that���s not entirely negative or positive. I think like it or not they have the best chance at understanding each other, even if it takes work to get there. Also their soul types match. if you evennnn care.

TLDR: they’re this image to me

A BROTP I have with said character: I don’t think i’d have a strong opinion on it if it wasn’t for the sheer amount of cute art of them, but i’ve become super endeared to Karin and Abella. less “BROTP” and more “thing i ship just less than the thing i mentioned above” . not something i have incredibly strong opinions on currently but i’d love to listen to someone who does speak about it. OH OH ALSO the post about Daan, Karina, Abella, and O’saa being in a polycule? Literal Peak. that is like the perfect cast of characters we have reached scooby doo levels of perfect character group.

A NOTP I have with said character: Not a fan of her and Pav but not something i care about or think about that much.

A random headcanon: I can totally see her being the type of person who doesn’t like cats and thinks they’re obnoxious and asocial and yadda yadda until a stray sort of worms it’s way into her apartment and she can’t get rid of it and now she has a cat forever. Its so annoying and she hates it sooo bad (it is the most spoiled animal on the planet). I can also def see her needing to get glasses at some point— mostly bc i think it would look nice on her. adds an extra layer of “old man who wants to sit on his chair read his newspaper and smoke his pipe”ness to her. I also crucially think she has OCD but that is a topic way better suited for another day I HAVE YAPPED ENOUGH. OH OH and i know her jacket was probably given to her by one of her brothers which if true makes me wanna eat sand and die but it would also be really funny if the unspecified “he” who gifted it to her was like. a scorned ex lover. Daan and Karin being each others rebound is an idea that makes me laugh way harder than it should.

General Opinion over said character: Karin is definitely one of the fear and hunger characters of all time to me and it makes me really sad to see her get reduced to “bitchy delusional woman” bc of her, very understandable given the everything, paranoia and stubbornness. Her backstory especially fucks me up so bad i feel a little insane that i never see anyone talk about it? like jesus christ. I think she’s a character who is both deeply entertaining and has a lot of emotional depth that makes her really fun to poke at.

[candiid-caniine]

Lol I have no experience with anything sex/kink related. I grew up really sheltered and I’ve never had a partner or tried anything at all. Do you have any advice in where I should start? I’m completely clueless on everything but your kinks sound really interesting. Like I want to edge myself but I don’t even know how to make myself cum-

ouuhh one sheltered kid to another I feel this hard 😭

so I would definitely start with making yourself cum!....unless the idea of not even doing that is hotter to you. I had a series of asks on here that was basically about what if I'd never even learned how and was convinced that my edges were orgasms...or something...it was super hot lol.

if you decide you want the good shit so you know what you're denying yourself, spend a lot of time w your body and enjoy it! if your home environment drove home ideas of sexuality as shameful, like mine did, unlearning that will be a must. again, unless that's. hot to you. tbh getting off on feeling guilty came long before my unlearning of the shame bc I was such a humiliation slut lmaooo.

if you decide not to cum before you learn to edge, a) you are so much hotter than me holy fuck and b) with the added challenge that it'll be hard to know if ur doing it right. my advice would be that if your core muscles start tightening/fluttering, and your heart rate picks up, you're at or near the edge. you can choose to stop there, or you can push it.

more advice on how to edge/how to find a way that works for you is under the #advice tag.

general kink safety is below the cut. it's a little overkill but I have a passion for this 💕

at the very end of the general safety advice, there's a bunch of tips for finding out more about what kinds of kinks are out there and how to find out what you like! it's just all a bit long so I spoilered it!

when it comes to kink in general...allow me to warn you. ppl like us, who come from sheltered home environments, are often the most vulnerable to abuse in sexual situations because we don't really know what we're "allowed." ESP in kink situations, where a power dynamic is an easy way for an abuser to excuse their actions or coerce consent. I've been a victim of this before. it is VITAL to your safety and mental health to learn to set firm boundaries in kink, in sex, and in relationships if you're looking for partners. for every play partner I've had since I even opened this blog, for every one who's on the level and communicative and ethical, there have been 5 attempts to coerce control or blatantly cross boundaries. I'm not even exaggerating the ratio. for every partner I play online with, there are at least 5 more I have blocked.

it's really hard if you're a sub to learn these things. but you have to be bossy and vocal and on guard before you give your submission to people. hear this: NOBODY "deserves" your submission. your submission is a motherfucking privilege, babe.

to get started on these important boundary setting skills, here are some recommended search terms:

"bdsm red flags" - mine include trying to petname/rolename me in the first interaction, issuing commands before an agreement is reached, and bragging about "convincing" unwilling subs to do certain things. and yes, they really do that, and it really is often.

"bdsm contract examples" - while contracts may seem unsexy, and they're certainly not a must, they are a good way to summarize what a conversation between two consenting partners about goals and boundaries should look like.

"how to spot abusive doms" and "how to spot abusive subs."

"how to know if I'm being coerced" and "how to know if I'm being gaslit."

"RACK vs. SSC." these are two frameworks for gauging ethics and safety in kink.

I don't want to scare you. this is a good community once you learn to filter out the bad folks, but it is very important to protect yourself. say it with me: YOU decide your sexual boundaries, not the other party. ever. even if they're your dom.

finally, some fun stuff for beginning kinksters:

the kink test - there are a few comprehensive bdsm "personality" tests. will help you gauge if you're more a sub, dom, or switch, or if that changes based on the general theme of your kinks.

browsing kink lists on FetLife - fet does require you to make a profile with some bssic info, but afaik you can choose your visibility settings. it's been awhile since I've been on there, but you can learn about a lot of kinks you didn't know existed!

finally, just browsing on here lmfao. it can be hard to navigate, since the tags for a lot of adult content are censored pretty heavily, but here's what I do: if you come across a kinky post you like, click into it's notes and then click on any blog that's reblogged it or that seems to have a username related to it. usually that person will have similar content on their blog! if you need a starting point, my side blog @basement-angel has posts similar to what I post here, many of which i found with the notes trick. an ask I answered recently has my list of recommended reading if you like this blog, under #advice!

sorry if I overwhelmed you with info haha! autist here, kink is one of my special interests and keeping subs safe in the hellhole of dominant abuse is my passion.

please, don't let this scare you. once you learn to filter out what doesn't work, the connections you make in this game are so, so fulfilling - or not! maybe you realize through experimentation that kink, or even partnered sexual interaction in general, isn't for you, but that's so fucking valuable. learning Abt your own sexuality is such an amazing journey, and I'm excited and proud of you that you get to start :)

[blorb-el]

hullo! I read your chapter of your au with the Very Horrible Lex and the Very Baby Kon and the Very Sad Clark and i love it sosososo much! The GOOD ANGST my dood.

I want you to know i’ve been daydreaming abt it. Heck, i was daydreaming WHILE reading it- i mean that’s actually normal for me when i’m invested in smthn, but fr i kept getting distracted by So Many Thoughts and Feelings tm. Took me longer to read than it should’ve but rest assured that’s a positive thing!

i read the fic you based it on, and it was great! But so far im liking yours better >v>

I wanna see the rescue and the recovery! I wanna see it get worse first! I wanna see Clark attempt to raise Kon the best he can in the worst of circumstances! The love and human connection thriving even in the midst of a hurricane of cruelty— it’s so good bestie!

uhh anyway! The point of this ask: I wanna know, how did you come up with the title? “We shall be free; we shall find peace”? oVo?

Thank you!! That's basically how it came about, daydreaming about the fic that inspired it!

So I really love the fanfic tradition of using lowercase AestheticTM song lyrics as titles. Fic is already inherently intertextual, and I think it's fun to add another layer of intertextuality onto that; I named one of my other fics with a lyric mostly because 1. the lyric fits their relationship! and 2. the juxtaposition between Wholesome Radio Pop Lyric and soft d/s xeno tentacle pwp still makes me laugh.

At first the draft was just called 'horrible lex au,' and then I thought about using two other quotes before settling on the title. That's the tl;dr of it all, the rest of this is under a cut for plot spoilers for the overall arc of the entire fic, and also so, so much rambling:

The first title I was thinking about was be sure your heart is brave from Aeschylus' Agamemnon, but that quote is the chorus speaking to Cassandra right before she's about to be killed; her bravery is a heavy burden reaction to the monstrous injustices that have brought her to that point, like Clark and Kon... but then she's brutally murdered. Plus the power dynamic situation is... let's say, very different. It's an extraordinary, immortal line but the narrative arc I've got planned strays too far from the original arc, and in the end I decided I didn't want the shadow of a way better tragedy hanging over my little fanfic.

Chorus: Woman, be sure your heart is brave; you can take much. Cassandra: None but the unhappy ever hear such praise.

The next line I was thinking about went too far in the other direction, taste a morning out there, which is from one of the best 'I Want' songs, Out There from the Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame. Quasimodo's story of being thought monstrous and being imprisoned and gaslit by a socially powerful manipulator parallels Clark and Kon better than Cassandra's, but in the end the literal line itself doesn't fit right with either Clark or Kon. Clark, at the beginning of the fic, has atrophied to the point where he can only conceive wanting for such things through wanting them for Kon, and Kon, as we'll see soonish, isn't locked up underground the way Clark is. Plus, the fic is... lighter than the Orestia for sure but a hell of a lot grimmer than Disney, lol. I do have it on my writing playlist though.

So in the end I went back to one of my absolute favorite pieces of media ever, Fidelio. We shall be free; we shall find peace is a line from the Prisoner's Chorus in that opera. The solo prisoner that sings the line invites the rest of the prisoners to begin hoping, and from there, despite the sobering reminders of the dangers they face, that they're being watched, the music swells into a yearning for freedom so powerful it's difficult to understand how it passed the censors in 1805.

First solo: Hope whispers softly to me: We shall be free, we shall find peace. Chorus: Oh Heavens! Salvation! What happiness! Oh freedom, freedom, will you return? Second solo: Speak softly! Be on your guard! [The jailer's] eyes and ears are on us.

And then - the head jailer returns, and the prisoners are brought back to reality, forced back into their dark cells at the end of the act. The temporary respite is over.

Farewell, warm sunshine - how quickly you fly from us. Night is fallen upon us, from which no day shall break.

The simple act of hoping is like a breath of fresh air, temporarily alleviating their suffering, but it doesn't materially change their circumstances; it takes a number of outside forces to do that, which will be paralleled in the fic. Love and hope is all they have, and it's not enough, but it does make the torment bearable until Bruce/Leonora uncovers the extent of The Horrors and Diana/Don Fernando can deus ex machina everyone into the sunlight.

All in all, the line is a very succinct summary of the plot. Clark and Kon will be free, and they will find peace, but they have to find out what both of those mean, reclaiming their agency in the process.

oooor at least that's the plan. chapter 2 is about 90% edited and can probably be ready this weekend, I hit a little plot snag in chapter 3-5 so chunks of that are undergoing rewrites, but the good news there is that the rewrites are SO much better than the original draft and there will be some bats showing up earlier than there otherwise would have been. I did uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh kind of lose my job a few days after posting the first part, so updates will be slower than I'd like, especially since I'll have to move to a different state if I get the positions I'm currently applying to 😓

[traumatizedjaguar]

I kind of remember when I was younger I perceived myself as being a bad angry kid and “why can’t I just make people happy, why do i ruin everything with x” and thinking I was vindictive bc my abusers have been projecting onto me since day one of our relation-shit; they are vindictive people personality-wise not just toward me, but I wasn’t like that ever. I might’ve been a little angry when I was younger (11-13) like at abusers and bad people and world issues I hung onto so much it made my mental health worse and thought nobody cared about world issues bc it was never brought up unless through me; and when one of my best friends made rape jokes in middle school nobody cared except me, I was so fucking angry all the time bc you don’t make jokes that in any way make fun of harm people really experience: “I make everything worse, I’m too serious, I’m not fun enough, I bring the mood down” I thought to myself. But I was never vindictive. Like they gaslit me into believing, even in my later teens, believing the bullshit lie that my REACTIVE ABUSE was vindictiveness but it wasn’t; it was reactive abuse. I was always like, “yeah, I’m ashamed and guilty of the fact I am a vindictive bad kid I am always the troubled child and the one causing issues.” But like… why did I say that about myself as a kid for surviving dangerous people. I was reacting to their abuse and being punished for gaslit lies I was forced into believing from such a YOUNG age. I feel sad for the kid was so lost, confused, and ridden with such intense guilt all the time.

[wistfulwisp]

The introduction of the Psyche-Locks! I love it! It brings that interrogation gameplay out of the courtroom which is super fun, I think it’s great and I’m glad to see the Magatama in my inventory for Bigtop, so I know it’s something they continue to use. They took some getting used to, especially when you couldn’t solve them right away, but I really enjoyed that it brought more interactive gameplay into the investigation. The presenting of profiles is also a fun addition, though honestly I’m not used to being able to access that so I keep forgetting it’s there :( my bad.

One thing I will say I didn’t love about this case, and I swear I feel like I’m gaslighting myself even as I’m writing this but… I feel like this case didn’t have the same sort of spunk that the other cases have had thus far? By that I mean I felt like it wasn’t as comedic and absurdist as the other cases have been. The ending of this case was by far my favourite part, just the ending reveal was extremely ace attorney core — just when I thought I had it all figured out, it throws me a giant curveball and I totally ate it up. But, a lot of the investigation portions felt kind of stilted to me. It felt a little more meandering and had a little less personality than some of the other cases did. Now, I played this case at a busy time for me, so I’m really not sure if my personal life was playing into my perceptions at all. But, I think if it’s something that’s in game… a large portion of that actually has to do… with Phoenix.

All of the games, you’re stuck in phoenix’s head. And I’ve talked before about how much I enjoy Phoenix as a character — he’s realistic but open to new people, intuitive but empathetic, emotional but logical. He’s someone that’s really easy to get behind, and has had great character development moments in the past (such as in Turnabout Goodbyes, which I’m sure I’ll stop mentioning eventually). However, I found that in this case a lot of those qualities were kind of lost? Not completely, but I found his humorous comments kind of bordered on mean-spirited sometimes, and his inner dialogue didn’t have the same enthusiasm that it normally does. My theory is that either this was a) intentional Especially with the situation he’s in right now, this type of character shift would be completely in character. He’s lost both Edgeworth and Maya in not a long period of time, and that would wear anyone down. or b) unintentional Remember when I said that I was surprised Maya was leaving and how the Phoenix monologue would sound without someone to banter off of? Well, we kind of get that here, and without a side character to make comments or balance out Phoenix’s realist perspective, it may make his dialogue come off as more cold than it actually is. I’m not entirely sure. Or, I’ve gaslit myself entirely. Whichever one. Regardless, I do think that this kind of interferes with the arc of defending someone and believing that they are truly innocent until proven guilty. Phoenix has a great way of displaying his passion for the stories of others through both his courtroom defense and also his interactions with other characters, but I honestly didn’t see much of it here.

[annoyingbelieverballoon]

~Turnabout of feelings~

Part 2/3

Word count: 2200~

You were sitting on the colourful wooden chairs in Poppy's barn. The rims of the orange seats were painted yellow, while the purple seats were painted blue. You always liked colour, or you think you did; maybe it’s a taste you developed after being stuck here for however long it’s been.

Poppy was a colourful chick, that’s for sure; her feathers could do with a lot less frazzling, though. Julie was energetic as always, making the clinks and clanks of the kitchen start a rhythm of sorts. Tea was served a while ago. It was chamomile.

You wondered if you could go back to Howdy’s bodega or if it would mess up this run. Wally would probably know. Speaking of Wally, he didn’t come with you today; there was a little difference in the sequence, but it wasn’t the first time.

The paper bag filled with green and red paint and other edible things sat on the chair adjacent to you. Red and green for the apples he drew. His art was usually the biggest clue to his sanity. Apples meant safety, spirals meant danger, and eyes meant that he was currently observing something. Not in the normal way, however. He saw into your world. The real world Every time you’d mention it, he’d restart the run. It was frustrating.

The only way you could contact anything in your world was with Eddie. The chatty fellow had the most outside knowledge, even if he was often gaslit into believing those places didn’t exist. You couldn’t prove or tell him those places existed straightforwardly. So, you stuck to asking him to describe these ‘fictional’ places.

It was a comfort; listening to him describe things you knew existed made you feel less mad. Less alone. 

You and Eddie quickly became best friends. It led to a peculiar development, though. Wally started painting different shots of your hometown and of your apartment complex, your landlord’s face, your family, your friends, your exes, and your childhood pets. It was horrifying; every time he gave you the drawing, you quickly tore it up and burned it. Wally never frowned, since he couldn't, but his eyes would dilate for a split second and quickly go back to their regular size.

Maybe it was a taunt, a means to scare you. Or maybe it’s something else like j-

A loud crash interrupts your train of thought.

Julie had turned the kitchen upside down, literally.

"Julie! Dearie, are you alright?" Poppy squeaked at Julie, who was currently underneath a giant pile of pots and pans.

Oh, I’m quite alright! Haha! This was quite fun! Don’t you think?" Julie asked you while dusting herself off.

"The kitchen is a mess." You take in the sights. How the fuck do you turn an oven inside out? Is this even repairable? I mean, it probably is since everything goes back to its place every morning.

Julie quickly started picking up the egg shells and the milk cartons on the floor as Poppy tried to put out the small oil fire with a rag.

You covered the pot with a lid, snuffing out the fire, then took the rag from Poppy’s hand, threw it to the floor, and started to clean up the spillage with your foot.

Poppy grabbed another rag, a mop, and a bucket of water. You spent a good hour cleaning to the sound of Julie humming the riff of Free Bird and Poppy’s squawks every once in a while.

By the end of the day, nearing sunset, you had cleaned up most of the kitchen. The cabinets were still in place of the counters, and vice versa, but that can be someone else’s problem.

"Let me walk you home!" Julie offers as you grab your paper bags of groceries.

You bid Poppy farewell and leave with Julie.

"You should’ve seen our play practice!" I think I played queen of pastries quite perfectly!"

"Apparently Sally isn’t the most fond of breenberry moats, but I think we came to an agreement!"

"What even is breen-" You get cut off.

"Oh, and Barnaby today was just mean!"

"Mean?" You turn towards Julie as she huffs and crosses her arms; despite her frustration, her face keeps its smile.

"He didn’t laugh at my joke! I spent a whole week preparing it." Julie slouches forward in a cartoonish manner.

"Why don’t you run it by me then? Maybe I’ll laugh."

Barnaby was right to cringe. It’s one thing to tell a bad joke; it’s another to overexplain it. You couldn’t help but smile nonetheless; it was sweet to see Julie try so hard.

Julie was the most energetic lass in the neighbourhood and a sweetheart at heart. She almost jumped on you the first time you two met. It was a shock to see someone so excited to meet you. Despite being bombarded with questions from her and Frank, Wally would calm the two down when asking questions by diverting the focus to other things.

One of the few things you can thank Wally for is his ability to sense your discomfort in an almost invasive way.

Sometimes you’re scared that he can read your mind.

Reaching your destination, you see Home’s eyes closed and the door shut tight, with black sludge oozing from beneath the door.

Shit shit shit, not again. You can’t restart today again; it’s the third time! THE THIRD TIME. You were so close to ending the day. Come on…

You threw the grocery bags at Julie and rushed to bang on Home’s door. The door knob wouldn’t budge, and thus you pulled until Home creaked and opened their eyes.

Their eyes were red with spirals in the middle that twisted and sputtered; the chimneys let out black smoke; and the sludge leaked from every crevice. Home was in clear pain.

It’s too late to pretend everything is okay now. You've got to delve deep.

Once that door opened, you entered the sludge and fell down. So below.

It’s a disgusting sensation, and you wouldn’t wish it on anyone else. You are slimy and covered in black tar sludge; your senses are muddled, and you continuously go between being able to breathe and not.

At the bottom, you find Wally. He was on the ground, clutching where his heart would be as he spasmed on the floor.

The black tar oozing out of him covered most of his felt and clothes.

His hand reached out to the eye painted on the wall.

You rush to him and tackle him down, stopping him from completing the contact.

It was easy holding him down despite his thrashing and clawing.

He opened his mouth, which you immediately clamped shut with both your hands.

"Don't you dare." You said this as you threw Wally against the wall.

He landed without saying a word, and the black tar oozing out of his eyes glistened.

He coughs out his words.

"Neighbour, don’t leave." He crawls towards you slowly.

"NEIGHBOUR"

"I̶’̸l̸l̶ ̶b̵e̵ ̴g̶o̷o̶d̴ ̷I̸ ̵p̸r̷o̵m̵i̵s̵e̸ ̴n̸e̶i̶g̶h̵b̵o̴u̶r̷.̵ ̵I̸’̴l̸l̵ ̶p̵l̷a̴y̸ ̶n̴i̷c̶e̴,̴ I̴ ̶w̵o̶n̴’̴t̷ ̴d̵o̶ ̵b̸a̶d̵ ̸p̴l̴e̵a̸s̷e̴ ̷p̷l̶e̷a̴s̵e̵ ̵p̴l̶e̶a̸s̶e̵ ̸n̶e̵i̸g̴h̸b̷o̴u̴r̸ ̸I̵’̵m̵ ̶g̶o̸o̶d̸ ̵I̶’̴m̸ ̶g̷o̶o̵d̸ ̵I̶ ̸s̴w̴e̴a̷r̸.̸ ̵I̵ ̴s̸w̴e̶a̷r̶ ̴I̵’̶m̴ ̶g̶o̴o̴d̵!̷ ̸I̸ ̸s̵w̸e̵a̴r̴ ̴I̶’̴m̸ ̸g̴o̵o̴d̸ ̸̸.

You stomped on his small hands whenever he tried to grab your ankles.

"I̵ ̸d̴o̵n̴’̶t̷ ̴h̴u̶r̵t̵ ̵p̴e̶o̴p̶l̵e̷,̸ ̶b̷e̸l̴i̸e̶v̵e̵ ̴m̷e̴ ̷n̸e̵i̵g̶h̷b̸o̴u̴r̵ ̸i̸ ̸d̴i̶d̷n̸’̴t̸ ̵m̸e̶a̵n̸ ̸t̸o̷.̴ ̷I̵m̴ ̶s̴o̷r̷r̴y̸ ̶i̴m̵ ̷s̸o̸r̷r̸y̷ ̴i̸m̵ ̷s̷o̷r̷r̵y̵ ̶i̴m̷ ̷s̶o̸r̷r̸y̶.̷"

He hung on to your legs for dear life. He clawed at your clothes and smothered them in ooze. You push him away with all your might, and yet he clings on to you in an almost hug to your knees.

"Please neighbour… it hurts…. So… much" 

You wake up with a spring in your plush bed. Another restart of the same day, and you're going mad. You swear to whatever sick deity there is that you're going to kill Wally. Forgetting all about the mundanities of morning and not even changing out of your pyjamas, you almost fall down the stairs in a haze of pure fury. 

Wally was in his room shaking, hugging his knees to his chest as small droplets of black tar left his eyes.

His permanent smile never faded, not even when you barged into the room and tried to strangle him. He didn’t fight back as you squeezed his delicate, plush neck with all your might.

Home flung a painting at you, hitting you square on the nose.

The sight of you bleeding snapped Wally from his outbreak, and thus he rushed to you on the floor. 

Frazzled as he was, with his hair loose and his eyes wider than you’ve ever seen them, he clung to you and tried to remove your hands to inspect your nose.

You kicked him right in the stomach, or at least where his stomach would be.

He flinched and kept clawing at your larger hands.

"Please (name), please let me look at your wound. Please.." he begged softly.

"Get away from me! Go away! Go" You thrashed about and threw your legs at him.

Another reset, another repeat of the same day; mind-numbing conversations that you’ve heard over and over again...

All because of him... 

God, you were so tired that you didn’t notice the sting of your most likely broken nose, the pain of falling on your buttocks, or how home was looking at you in pity. 

You just let Wally comfort you, disengaging like a windup doll on the floor, clutching your nose, and falling into a void of nothingness.

How many more days must you bear in this happy-go-lucky hell? At what point does too much become not enough? Blood dripped down your chin and collected on Wally’s yellow, fuzzy hands.

A small, fuzzy man, trying his best to stop the bleeding from your nose. A small, fuzzy man who doesn’t know anything about human biology or what most should do in such a situation

He’s helpless, clueless, and a danger to himself and all those around him.

Much like you were.

And thus, you hated him. Or maybe not; he was the only one who brought difference to the mundane scripts, but he was also the one who forced you to repeat the same day over and over... As maddening as it was, you also liked the lack of consequence. Maybe. 

You close your eyes and hope the day restarts once more.

Then you could bake with poppy, maybe swerve around and go to Sally’s house for a recital, or perhaps join Eddie and Frank in taking the shipments back to Howdy's bodega.

As tired as you were, sleep did not come. And the day didn't reset. Wally stuffed your nose with a napkin and started washing his hands, much as he would after a painting session.

"I'm sorry, neighbour, I really am."

You didn't say anything back.

The day continued forward, and you painted with Wally. He drew his usual apples, then you took a walk to Howdy's bodega, where you met Sally and Barnaby. This time there are no strange coins to discuss; they simply chat about the upcoming play Sally is hosting. 

You two grab the paint, bandages, and food and leave the bodega. 

You then walk onward and find Frank and Eddie walking about; Frank is holding his usual book with no title cover, and Eddie is hauling a shipment, most likely to Howdy's bodega. 

You exchange the usual pleasantries and go onward. 

You walk around the neighbourhood to the forest, where you find Julie playing a game. You lay on the forest floor and listened as Julie described her day. 

She then drags you to Poppy's house, where you bake a cake. Make a mess, clean up, and trudge back home.

The evening is like any other. You sit on the couch perpendicular to Wally's and fiddle with whatever you have on hand. This time, it's a piece of torn newspaper. Wally heats up whatever you bought from Howdy, and you eat your second and only meal of the day. The silence between the two of you is thick.

Wally does not paint this evening; instead, he unblinkingly stares at you as you eat. You don't mind it; it's not the first time, and in silence, you finish your meal, get ready for bed, and go your separate ways.

Sleep didn't come that night, as Welcome Home's night stayed still and didn't fast forward to the next day.

You itch your injured nose; it's a dull ache that keeps you from delving too far into your thoughts.

Sick of the stale air of Home's guest bedroom, you tiptoe downstairs, much like a child who's trying to get their midnight snacks.

Everything was scarier at night; even in the safety of home, the darkness was an unwelcome change from the brightly coloured neighbourhood.

It was at night when you woke up in this strange new world of puppets and old mannerisms.

The night was dangerous here, as Wally knows, and you've seen firsthand what happens to those who get lost at night.

He always stopped you before you ventured too far; it was infuriating but also comforting. After all, fear of the unknown was common.

You don't think you've ever died in this world—not yet, at least. Wally, despite his strange possessions, never hurts you. You know you can bleed; you know you can hurt and feel pain, but not to what extent...

I don't think finding out will be fun.

Wally is a strange character who seems sweet and is sweet, but is very infuriating. It was difficult to hate him, but so easy to be annoyed by him. Your personal 'punching bag', a subconscious voice would say.

Too easy to hurt, put the blame on, and loathe. Far too easy. 

{note from author: I’ve had this in my notes app for months now I think. I’m sick of going back to it and changing everything over and over. I’ve decided that I’m giving my writing a b effort instead of worrying about every single thing. Still though I hope things are concise and clear; I’ve been told I ramble too much and stray away from plot}

[bedlamsbard]

I was at Galaxy’s Edge this past weekend, and it reminded me how stressed out Star Wars made me and still makes me -- there’s a reason I had to get out of the fandom, but even today I tend to get increasingly hysterical when I talk about it.  (Which was really fun this time, since I was starting to lose my voice already.)  I came out of the EU/Legends (little known fact, since I’m mostly ~known for TCW and Rebels fic), but something about the way the new canon deals with -- well, canon -- is very panic-inducing for me.  I think it’s how back in 2014 when they decanonized the EU and had their whole “moving forward EVERYTHING will be canon of equal weight” thing, but since then that’s been increasingly untrue, even as Lucasfilm still swears up and down that it still is true, as does a certain subset of fans.  It makes me feel like I’m being gaslit (Mando was especially bad about this), which I don’t say lightly, while also tripping my paranoid tendencies.  I felt like I never knew what was important or if it was going to be retconned two weeks later by the same people who made the original thing or if it was going to be treated like it never existed at all, all while the PTB were saying publicly that it was all equally important -- or worse, that it had always been like this, wasn’t I paying attention?  By the way, you have to know EVERYTHING, but everything’s not actually important, but we’re going to tell you that everything is.

I realized how bad this had gotten when I was on Guardians of the Galaxy: Cosmic Rewind (the new attraction at EPCOT) last year and I almost had a panic attack wondering if I had to be paying close attention to the fucking ride because what if it was important to the mainline MCU?  (Also because wow, it turns out roller coasters are not for me; CR made me sick, though it’s a stunning piece of technological innovation.)  Only thing is, the MCU has never worked that way, while Star Wars does.  (Look at Black Spire Outpost, Batuu, and the Halcyon not only getting namedropped in books, but even in the films like Solo.)

Coming out of Star Wars, there’s something really reassuring to me about the fact that the MCU PTB are honest about things being retconned (soft or hard), forgotten, or just gently set by the wayside -- even the way some PTB will just say “yeah, I didn’t see XYZ.”  Like, that doesn’t necessarily make for good storytelling (often it makes for very bad storytelling!) -- but I don’t feel like I’m being gaslit about it, either.  And that’s worth a lot to me right now.

(Interestingly, I’ve seen people saying the opposite about the MCU -- that right now it makes you feel like you have to see all of it -- which I really don’t think is true.  But I can see how it feels that way; a lot of longterm MCU fans are where I’m at with Star Wars, and it’s a very...interesting...experience to see it from the other side.)

[being-of-rain]

I’m back! I successfully watched all of Classic Who last year, but took a break from writing down my thoughts about it. Then a month or three went by. You know how it is. Time and tide melts the snowman. Anyway, I’m back for perhaps my favourite Doctor of Classic Who. Here’s some thoughts from my watchthrough of season 24.

I was a little surprised by how much I loved the Seventh Doctor’s TV era! It somehow felt so fresh and interesting and fun-loving compared to what came before it. Basically every story was either genuinely great quality, or silly and camp and over-the-top in a way that’s extremely entertaining to watch (or both). Season 24 is more the latter than the former, but I still feel like it makes a surprisingly good jumping-on point for watchers interested in getting into Classic Who.

Although to start off, I’d say Time and the Rani is my least favourite Seventh Doctor TV story. Sorry to dunk on it right out of the gate, but to me it feels very different compared to the rest of Seven’s TV stories. It’s hard to put my finger on exactly why, but there’s really not much to interest me in it. Seven is fun and charming right from the start, and probably my favourite part of the story is his little mixed metaphors. But on the other hand, Mel feels particularly badly written and directed for, which is saying something considering she’s one of the least fleshed-out companions in the show. I’m a sucker for mistaken identity shenanigans, so I found the rather silly plot of the Doctor being tricked into thinking the Rani is Mel and vice versa amusing, especially when it results in the Doctor and Mel having a slapstick fight with neither believing the other is who they claim. But that plot isn’t quite enough to fill almost half the story, and after that it’s mostly a lot of talking with some seriously boring minor characters. The Rani herself doesn’t interest me as much as she did in her previous story. I guess in The Mark of the Rani I loved her exasperation with the Master, and in this story my favourite thing about her is how silly her plan is to impersonate Mel and how much it infuriates her- so on TV she’s never been particularly intimidating to me, and more interesting as a comedy villain. Which is a shame, because a totally amoral scientist with the resources of a Time Lord has the potential to be very creepy. Oh well, at least she has yet another very cool Tardis interior, even if it’s apparently just a CSO background rather than an actual set. Such a shame that the Sixth Doctor died without being given a proper send-off (although appropriate that it was due to a rainbow special effect). And when he’s being gaslit gatekept girlbossed by the Rani, it was sad hearing the new Doctor say “the more I know me, the less I like me.” Especially when my experience with this incarnation is quite the opposite.

Paradise Towers is fantastic! My favourite of the season. It’s a mix of genuinely good, extremely camp, and the whole spectrum in-between. An apartment complex that’s been isolated for decades is a great setting for a weird world for Dr Who to visit and un-muddle, and this one’s filled with so many cliques and characters that are all fun to watch. From the kangs who adopt the Doctor (I love how they don’t seem to have a sense of gender, because of course gender is entirely dependent on society), to the rules-obsessed caretakers (the Doctor sneaking away by pretending to read from the rulebook is great), to the cannibalistic old ladies (who couldn’t be more obviously cannibals if they tried), to the ghost of the obsessed architect in the basement (what a great premise for a villain), to Pex (who had my brother and I in stitches for most of his screen time before his surprisingly poignant moment of bravery at the end). It’s all absolutely ridiculous of course, especially considering that these sort of sci-fi settings are usually the result of generations of isolation, rather than the decades at most which is apparently the case in Paradise Towers. I don’t care about how absurd it is though, this is the type of Doctor Who story that feeds on absurdity. There’s apparently both a recent comic and a recent short story collection about the world of Paradise Towers, and I have the strong urge to track them both down. Anything else to say about the story? The kangs all saying “unalive” is so bizarrely relevant to the insular echo chamber of TikTok and other social media, every time it made me think that the absurd society that’s being creating today really makes Paradise Towers look concerningly plausible (the apartment complex did apparently win awards in the 21st century after all). Oh, and the story’s first cliffhanger is an all-time great. The Chief Caretaker’s delivery and timing is superb, and I really wouldn’t want to spoil it here for anyone who isn’t expecting it.

Delta and the Bannermen is a weird one! It’s maybe the Classic Who story that most deserves the description of ‘camp,’ which I suppose is appropriate given the setting. It feels like a pantomime, and if most of the story doesn’t give me that impression then the music would rather die than fail to convince me. It’s so in-your-face upbeat. I think it can be a fun story, but not an awful lot more. The most bizarre part of the story is when the bus-full of space tourists, who make up the majority of the story’s cast, all die in an explosion when the Bannermen attack. The story gives almost no weight to the moment at all, and happily continues its jaunty soundtrack while barely acknowledging the deaths. It feels so out of place, especially after the tourists are at a central part of the plot up until that point. It’s a back-handed compliment, but I think the story’s saving grace is its introduction of something that helps improve the Seventh Doctor’s era a lot: regular use of three-parters instead of four! Maybe because I’ve been working through so many four-parters, but the amount this improved the pacing and how much the okay stories could keep my interest is not to be underestimated! There’s so many Doctors with stories that could’ve benefitted from one episode off the runtime. It’s a shame the idea came too late to salvage Time and the Rani. I know that Ray was originally going to be a companion, but I can’t help but note that (even in her first story) Sophie Aldred was the better actor. I’m glad that Ace was such a queer icon, to make the loss of a ‘50s biker girl as a companion bearable. But all that said, she’s a sweet addition to the story as the Doctor’s friend/driver. The Doctor consoling her outside of a dance when she had her heart broken is such a gorgeously human moment, and the type of situation that really gives the Seventh Doctor a lovely, caring side of his personality. That said, that first cliffhanger is one of the cheesiest in the show’s history. But I did enjoy it for that very reason. That sums up the whole story, I guess.

Dragonfire is... I want to say better than I remembered. To me it feels like a lot of it is almost a little too generic and straightforward, so that on paper I’m not sure it’d work. But it’s the performances, and all of the little comedy and character moments, that make the story enjoyable. Kane and his army, for example, are very entertaining for such bog-standard villains played straight. Their various attitudes and motivations are fun to watch develop and clash, and Kane’s ice-cold merciless and threatening demeanour works really well. I’m not sure the story has strong grasp on how long 3000 years is though, it seems like a very long time to be building an army below a trading colony. I’m also not sure how the show got away with his End of the World/Raiders of the Lost Ark death, that was extreme! The team of protagonists is also great fun (I love a team) and the number of nicknames they have for each other shows how very ‘80s they can all be. Glitz can be a bit of a weak link- as funny as he can be, he does seem to lack the heart of gold or really any spark of morality that would make him a really lovable character. The fact that the story starts with him selling his crew into servitude for money, even a mutinous one, gives him some really weird vibes that a few jokes about money don’t quite cover. Even when his ship is blown up he seems much more upset about the vehicle than all the people inside. This is, by the way, the second story in a row to blow up a vehicle packed full of innocent people that goes strangely unaknowledged by the rest of the serial. Still, it probably pulls it off a bit better than Delta and the Bannermen. But of course the highlight is the introduction of Aaaaace! She’s a little rough in her first story, both in her ‘80s Teenage Vocabulary and in her acting, but she’s still already one of the most interesting companions in years. Her bonding with Mel, escapist fantasies, disruptive tendencies, and temptation by Kane all make for solid character work (especially when compared to Mel, whom I love dearly, but really was a rather flat character on TV). It’s interesting how Ace had a very similar origin to many New Who companions- a teenager who wanted to escape her humdrum ordinary life- but she actually got that chance, and just ended up with a very similar life in space. She gets tempted by another escape with Kane, and seems uninterested in one with Glitz, but finally is excited to get her second chance with the Doctor. Obviously he represents a specific type of life, more than just escape from boredom. The Doctor being protective of a companion before they even become his companion is always a good trope. And Ace needs it- she’s only 16! I forgot she was that young. And it seems younger every year jsdlkfj. Anything else? Mel’s farewell and Ace’s invitation is a lovely scene. Oh, and it would be hard to give Ace bigger trans vibes, good for her.

[moonmeg]

I’m not entirely sure what’s happening with the host mom sis1 & 2 stuff, but it sounds not very fun so I wish you the best and am here to remind you things will get better either with time or your own decision.

I've been annoying everyone around me with my problems here.

My family, my friends in Germany and my friends here, my tumblr and instagram followers... I've been reporting negative things for a while now, most of the time related to the younger sister, and at this point everyone is tired of hearing it, so I started writing down my thoughts and feelings in my notes so I don't annoy people important to me with my whining and complaining.

In either way, all you gotta know is that the younger girl I'm "babysitting" is plain rude, mean and disrespectful (esp. to me) and she has been since the beginning of my stay here with the family, which dates back to end of September. I've been enduring it like an idiot because I'm too much of an optimist most of the time and I see the good in people a lot. At first I thought it might just be a phase. Then I gaslit myself in believing I am the problem and that if I just approached her differently, it would change. It took me 4 months and a visit back to my family and friends to wake up and finally admit that what is happening, the way I'm being treated is not okay and I must put an end to it asap.

Which is what I did. I have exactly two weeks left in Italy now. I'm going back on the 2nd of March and it feels like such a relief to know it's only so little time left and I'll be gone. It won't be my responsibility anymore. It won't be my problem anymore. I'm free. I'll have my parents back who I don't have to prove my usefulness to, my brothers who I can play and spend time with without fearing they'll get so incredibly mad at me for even asking, my friends, my cat, my waitress job, my time for drawing, my peace of mind (more or less), my home. I won't have to yearn for it anymore. It's so close to reach but still so far.

I don't have big problems with the host mother per say, she just sometimes makes me feel like I'm not enough and like I'm disappointing her and... well, for a people pleaser there's nothing worse than feeling like you've disappointed someone.

But yeah... still have my situations with the younger sister but I should be able to survive it to the 2nd of March.

[treesap-blogs]

HI GUYS IM POSTING ON SUNDAY INSTEAD OF SATURDAY!! Sorry. Back with a review of “The Sunbearer Trials” by Aiden Thomas

Hello, Tumblrians! It’s been a while since I’ve made a review, I’m sorry about that. Alas, only two weeks after school, my mom took me down to the South to go visit some family 😔it was lowkey miserable! 2/10 don’t recommend I got gaslit so many times lmao

SORRY FOR NOT POSTING ON SATURDAY😭I was very busy! I’m gonna try to stop making self-imposed deadlines, because a) I literally never follow through with them so they read like empty promises, b) I get last-minute anxiety paralysis and never upload.

Anyways! Here’s a review of a queer book, because they probably would’ve been restricted in the state I was in. Maybe not banned per say, but definitely not accepted with open arms. The only open arms we’re getting in South Carolina are guns, and dear old Uncle Dave pretending he’s asking me for a hug and not forcing me to do it out of moral/familial obligation. Sorry.

Not really any Book Discovery Backstory for this one, except for that I wanted to get around to reading every single Aiden Thomas book. And this was originally meant to be for the Trans Rights Readathon, but I got tired and gave up! Oops.

The Sunbearer Trials is the book in question! For once, its advertising is pretty accurate: Think The Hunger Games’ nail-biting (and televised) battle royale, mixed with the demigod folklore and plot aspects of Percy Jackson (but make it gods of Mexican instead of Greek/Roman mythology)! Teo, a Semidiós transgender teen(son of Quetzal, the god of birds), because of his Jade status, doesn’t expect to be chosen as a competitor in The Sunbearer Trials: a group of deathly games played by Semidiós teens, where the lowest-ranking has the “greatest honor” of all—be sacrificed in order to fuel the Sun’s power and keep the Obsidian evil gods at bay. However, that doesn’t mean Teo’s worried about others: his friend Niya, the higher-ranking Gold daughter of Tierra, is one of the strongest heroes of their generation and dangerously likely to be chosen. So he’s in for a nasty surprise when two Jades get selected for the games this year, one being Xio, the thirteen year-old son of Mala Suerte, and Teo. Now the two of them must compete in five mysterious trials, against far more powerful opponents, for glory, pride and their own survival.

For a book with that intense of a summary, I wasn’t expecting for it to be as humorous and fun as it was? But I’m kinda glad for that, because hundreds of pages of just on-page child death will inevitably get emotionally taxing. So, I found this to be a very enjoyable read! I liked the descriptions of food!!(don’t read this on an empty stomach), and our character dynamics, which I was pleasantly surprised by because I usually dislike or outright hate books with large casts! Aiden Thomas definitely had his priorities straight on the characters to center though, and although we got to know a bit about everyone, it didn’t feel like there was too little or too much time spent with anyone. It didn’t feel crowded, basically.

Not to be that book account, but we also got a bit of rivals to lovers, with Aurelio and Teo! I was a little on-the-fence about it at first because, you know, tropes, but I ended up growing to like the genuine bond they developed amidst the trials. Also, Aiden Thomas just has a way with writing gay yearning I think! 

With all that said, although this book was a fun read, it felt juvenile at times. If some of the cursing or sexual humor was cut out, it could definitely pass as a middle grade. Personally, I don’t like middle grades, so this was disappointing to me especially considering how dark the summary is? Some of the lines (particularly Niya’s) were so corny or cringey I had to laugh. Add that to this being in a modern world, and I take critical damage from being reminded that memes and vine coexist with demigod death games in this book. 

Anyhow! Overall, this was an enjoyable (even if flawed) read. As you guys should know, I love culturally rich stories, and I loved the Mexican parts of the settings and story. And if you read the summary for that and thought to yourself “hey! That sounds right up my alley”, I’m not stopping you from checking it out. I’ll also be reading the sequel, because there was a hell of a cliffhanger.

Book rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️½ stars/5. Finished 04/05/2023.

(Book content/trigger warnings: fire/fire injury, child death(on-page), violence+blood, bullying, gender dysphoria.)

-Paz, signing off!

[iron-fifty-nine]

as someone who’s been in and out of discourse for years: some of you fucks who live and breathe it have zero compassion. None. I’m serious.

Being in disc and having friends who were also in disc was not good. It was not fun. They did not feel like friends because I knew if I “stepped out of line” they would drop me instantly. That ended up being what happened. When you support abstract points to win some sort of stupid argument that changes nothing you start to see everything and everyone as an abstract point. Not a person with emotions, not a group of people with desires and needs, not an event to bring people together. Your life revolves around being right because being right means you’re safe. Nobody is going to attack you or abandon you if you’re right.

It’s this awful mindset that still has me traumatized after not discoursing seriously for 2+ years. My heart rate goes up and I shake like a fucking leaf when I tell people I write fic or when I actually have a meaningful debate. I stay up late, unable to sleep, in fear that person will drop me or talk shit behind my back or some other multitude of fucked up shit. Discourse makes you docile in the same way abuse does, and it forces you to be objective and to stick to your specific set of morals forever or get abused or manipulated or gaslit or abandoned.

Life isn’t worth wasting on shit like this. I’m serious. You’re allowed to enjoy things other people don’t. You’re allowed to be wrong and admit you made a mistake, or two, or fifty. Your friends should not be conditional on your minute behaviors. If you’re a young kid and you’re reading this just please stay away from discourse and all the “you have to be politically correct all the time” shit. Cancel culture. Fuck all of that shit and be happy to be yourself.

It’s ok to want to better yourself and learn more about the world around you and to debate various things. That is healthy! But canceling someone for saying something slightly disrespectful in the heat of the moment, dropping your friends instantly because you learn they identify as something you don’t particularly like, whatever the fuck there is: don’t do it. Please. Keep your compassion and your joy and your freedom.