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blueteller · 3 years ago

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"Trash of the Count's Family" Review Series: Chapter 0

I've realized something quite terrible today.

I joined the TCF/LCF fandom recently and I wanted to see some reviews, since reading comments and seeing other people's reactions is half the joy of being in a fan community. Except, when I tried to check out some reviews...

I couldn't find any.

Seriously, I can't find any reviews!! Anywhere!!! This is criminal! How can there be no reviews?! This series is quite popular, or at least it seems like it! There's plenty of fans on tumblr! Why is the review section of this fandom like a barren desert!?

Then, came my moment of enlightment:

if there are no reviews, then I shall make them myself 😎

Reviewing the webnovel would be an incredibly daunting task, I'm not gonna lie (with over 770 chapters, it would take years!), so I'll stick with the manhwa for now. There are currently 77 chapters out (almost exactly 1/10th of the whole story – nice!), so I'll have plenty of material for a while, before I run out.

Just so you know – I like analyzing stuff, but I do not consider myself a harsh critic. I'm inclined to be more forgiving of things I actually like, in contrast to how many errors I can find in something I disapprove of. However, I will try my best to acknowledge flaws and be a fair judge of content.

With all that said – let's begin Blue Teller's TCF/LCF review series. Please enjoy!

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Trash of the Count's Family Manhwa: Chapter 0 (Prologue)

The first chapter is numbered 0, as it serves as a prologue instead of an actual chapter. It mirrors the webnovel well in that aspect: as the book also starts with a prologue, told in 1st person point of view – unlike the rest of the story, which has typical 3rd person POV. It is an important detail, as the majority of this story's comedy comes across through various misunderstandings. It would be impossible for the reader to experience them fully if we were stuck in Cale's POV. But the prologue being in 1st person POV also gives the novel that classic isekai vibe: which is fairly misleading, as we will find out in the future. I believe it is a deliberate move on the author's part. But we will get to that later... much, much later.

We begin with a dark background. Then, fire appears. Ominous. Something terrible is going on, the reader can already tell.

Then we get the title "The Birth of a Hero".

With flames connecting images, we get exposition about a book: classic fantasy isekai premise, with a Korean teen (kinda?) as the protagonist. We see our MC, Choi Han, meet people in a certain village, then return one day to find them all dead. The narrator explains how Choi Han was pure and innocent before, but the incident causes him to snap and kill people for the first time, in revenge for the villagers who were like family to him.

The panel with Choi Han's enraged expression is pretty amazing, as we can still tell that his facial features are supposed to be young and soft, despite how twisted they are in the moment. There are subtle shadows around his eyes, and sparks float around him: partly because the village is burning, partly because they symbolize the spark that made such a kind-hearted person go on a bloody rampage.

In the next several images we see Choi Han fighting and killing the assailants: the artist displays their skill with dynamic images. You can tell Choi Han's movement in every frame, despite the pictures being still. It is very well done.

While the scene isn't nearly as bloody as it probably should have been, you can tell the artist is under obligation to censor most of the violence, including the gore. There are splatters of blood visible in several shots, but not much of it. Considering how bloody this webnovel is – in the most literal sense – some fans could take that as a bad sign. However, I am not a big fan of gore either, so I can't say I mind it... There's still some blood, so it could have been much worse.

We can still tell that Choi Han definitely, very much murdered a bunch of people. I don't care if the scenery isn't entirely covered in blood, even if technically it should be. (It was probably also easier to draw, to be honest.)

The next is another close-up of Choi Han and to be honest with you, I can't tell if he's sweating or crying. Either way... it looks very painful and quite heartbreaking. You can tell that revenge did not give Choi Han as much relief as he would have hoped.

The narrator explains that Choi Han failed to get any information from his enemies, and once he snapped out of his blind rage, he was overcome by despair.

Next we see Choi Han burying the villagers and crying (this time it's definitely crying) while swearing revenge. The narrator tells us that Choi Han then truly understood sadness, and Choi Han leaves the village, ending the dark background which had been present since the beginning. The dark introductory part is now officially over.

Next, we see a noble crest of a Golden Turtle, with a shell shaped as a rocky mountain. Choi Han arrives in a city, which to my knowledge is either called Weston, Westin, or Rain City, depending on translation.

Next we see the face of our true protagonist for the first time, and to be honest – the style is kind of weird for me here. I noticed there are numerous images where there is only one character present, and yet for some reason, the author refuses to draw their eyes. It's certainly a convenient shortcut in drawing, and I've seen some mangas and animes apply this technique. However, usually that's reserved for background characters, character's with faces yet-to-be-revealed, characters standing far away from the viewer, OR characters hiding their emotions.

While you could argue that OG Cale (original Cale, the character before our MC's transmigration) is a mysterious figure and thus not showing his eyes is justified... it's not the only moment where I find the use of the "no-eyes" technique extremely awkward. I will be definitely mentioning more in the future, as I think this author has a problem with it. It doesn't look terrible, but... it doesn't look good, either.

Anyway, Choi Han gets angry at this noble "ruffian" (BTW, Choi Han's "no-eyes" shot look much better, at least there's a fringe and shadows covering them – as it should be!!) named Cale and beats him up... with a lamp? LOL, that part wasn't in the novel?? But it's kinda hilarious. I approve. You can make so many puns with that: "Allow me to enlighten you, Young Master~!" 😂

(Also, how the heck a lamp like that works in this world?? There's no electricity here... I assume it must run on mana or something. Eh, whatever.)

Then finally, we are given the first look at our true protagonist, Cale Henituse; in all his bare-chested glory, haha.

I admit, I am kind of a prude, so I don't like looking at the shots of Cale's bare torso very much. But I can imagine the crowds of thirsty fans eagerly thanking the author for the fanservice. I checked the novel just to be sure, and while Cale looks at his body in the mirror and comments that it is very handsome and fit, it does not mention whether he was looking at himself naked or not. I mean, he takes a bath soon afterwards, so it's not a big leap of logic, but... Let's face it, the author just wanted to draw Cale half-naked. Very well, who am I to judge. Since this novel has no romance in it, this is the most action those poor thirsty fans will get. Enjoy it while it lasts, I suppose. Next time Cale exposes his skin to this extent, he will definitely be dying or something.

No, wait, there's also that bathrobe scene in like 50 chapters, isn't there...? Darn, the author really likes drawing Cale exposed. Ok, have some fanservice as a treat, why don't you... I'll just politely avert my eyes.

Anyway, we are finally meeting our MC, Cale, aka. Kim Rok Soo, the transmigrator who fell asleep reading a novel, and the next day woke up as one of its minor villains. We see a glimpse of Cale's old body, and all we can tell is that KRS has (probably) black hair, a fit body and a black outfit. Pretty non-descript.

KRS, which will be called Cale from now on, looks at himself in the mirror, and thinks that this is bad. His expression is kind of cute, as you can tell through the sweat drops that he's distressed, but he keeps a rather calm expression in spite of the situation. This will become a trend, because even though the Manhwa made Cale more expressive than in the webnovel, he's still someone who appears calm almost all of the time. It will cause quite a lot of misunderstandings in the future.

Cale thinks about his situation and provides some background about himself: he was an orphan who didn't have friends or family to miss back home. So, he decides to make most of this new chance at life.

We get more shots of Cale as he considers his lack of scar, and who OG Cale was as a character. Once again, I really love his expressions. They're very calm and thoughtful and they really fit his character a lot. The author truly came up with an excellent design for the MC.

There is some more of exposition monologue, which the author birlliantly illustrates with images of the room Cale is currently in. It's a clever technique, as they are clearly from Cale's POV, and we get a better idea of his surroundings and the atmosphere. Simply put: Cale's family is loaded, and you can tell from every item in the room. Very good use of "time" by the author.

We also get the first "chibi" image of Choi Han, and it's adorable.

The panel of Cale's Very Serious Face as he states "For now, let's try not to get hit" is the first glimpse of comedy in TCF. It all starts with Cale's very simple and very selfish motive: he doesn't want to get beaten up by Choi Han, the protagonist of "The Birth of a Hero" novel. Cale's very simple plan will soon become very complicated, and the viewer can tell from the dramatic ZING effect in the background. Cale, darling, I have a strong feeling it won't turn out quite as you hope...

Another shot of Cale's naked body, the biggest thus far, please spare me I am a poor little prude over here... also, I can hear all the thirsty fans fainting and nosebleeding over here. My goodness. That's enough of that bathing scene, thank you!

We finish off with Cale stating his dream – to live a peaceful life – and that's the end of the prologue.

Nakedness aside, this chapter was a very solid introduction. The art style is very nice, and depite my nitpicks I think the author is really talented. The story is framed in an interesting way with a glimpse of humor, which will get explored later. Overall, not a bad start, not at all.

Feel free to leave comments!

[Index] [Next >]

#tcf #trash of the count's family #lcf #lout of count's family #tcf manhwa #review #manhwa review #tcf manhwa review series #tcf manhwa chapter 0

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avissapiens · 3 years ago

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Avis' Subject Symposium

A Crash Course in Trance Pt 1: Files.

(Art by Acro @sodalite96/https://twitter.com/sodalite96 Used with their permission. Go check them out!)

So often new subjects come to me and they don’t know the first thing about trance. None of its mechanics or methods, and so it can be very daunting for them; to step into such a wide abyss without knowing what to expect and what is expected of you. Many of them, even experienced subjects, expect that 100% of the work is and should be done by the Hypnotist. In truth both parties, the hypnotist and the subject, must be willing and able. But while it’s more readily apparent what must be done in order for a tist to be successful in their endeavors, many subjects/potential subjects can have a hard time understanding what it takes to get the most out of their trance, both from pre-recorded files, and from live sessions with a hypnotist. So, I’m here to give you what is in my opinion, the essential Crash Course to Trance, starting first with trancing to files.

Location

Find yourself somewhere nice, darkened and quiet, where you know you won’t be disturbed. This is already a hard task for a lot of subjects, living with other people always increases the chance that one might barge in on you, eyes glazed over, drooling all over yourself. Or that someone’s reckless pounding from above might shake the abyss so thoroughly that it takes you out of trance. But here is the thing I will stress. While physical quiet is a good idea as it allows you to focus on the words and suggestions streaming into your head. What matters so much more is internal peace and quiet. A location where you can feel at ease and safe and secure in yourself. A locked bedroom surrounded by mountains of pillows. Your favorite plush armchair that threatens to swallow you almost as well as the Abyss of Trance. The peaceful morning route on the train whose path you know so well that you can be lulled into trance just by the rumbling vibrations of the tracks beneath your seat. Wherever you can be comfortable.

The ideal location for trance I'm sure does exist in some government facility or therapists office somewhere, where you can be dropped into an isolation tank and be brainwashed clean. But most of us will never encounter that. So what matters then is the ideal mindset for trance, which is one of peace, safety, trust and assurance.

Equipment

This is one of the reasons so many love using files. Because its barrier to entry is so low. All you really need is something to play the file on and a place to listen. This is in contrast to working directly with a tist where you need, at the very least, A good internet connection, maybe a camera, Another person who you trust and who might be wildly inconsistent. Or working in person which probably will require a whole location and time-table to get set up. No, Files are relatively simple and they are no better or worse than live sessions for certain purposes. However, like all simple things, they can be elevated by improving its ingredients. A box cake from the store and a home-made chiffon are functionally the same, but their difference comes in the ingredients and technique.

So for trance I recommend spoiling yourself a little, at the very least buy yourself some decent quality over-ear headphones. Many file-makers (myself included) add frequencies and binaural beats underneath the main track. These serve the purpose of training your own brain’s waveforms to a certain frequency, thus more easily taking you into trance. But they can only be detected and properly registered with some good headphones. Additionally, The encapsulation of headphones provides a more immersive experience, isolating you and transporting you through the trance experience like you are in your own little world. Trust me. $600 studio headphones aren’t needed, But a good quality wired $40 headset goes a long way and is multi-purpose. A decent quality chair or mattress also will serve you well, not just in trance but in life.

Focus

Trance is a very tricky state that, like all things, requires practice and patience to master. Staying in trance is like a tightrope walk, teetering gently between the realm of consciousness and awareness, and the oblivion of total subconscious and sleep. It is the liminal space between the two, that subconscious space that makes trance and hypnosis possible. It is the state where your mind is most open to total suggestion and where magical things can happen. So how does one walk the line between these two modes of being? The answer is focus. Or rather Half-focus. Focusing without focusing. With descriptions like that it can sound like some kind of Zen riddle, but that is often what it feels like sometimes. Now this is not a laser focus like you would expect in a classroom setting, no one is being tested here. It's a more gentle and subtle focus. Like focusing on the world around you. Focusing on the wind on your face, the rise and fall of your lungs; On the way your body just goes loose and slumps over. The trick is to go in and to follow along, to listen and pay attention and try to comply with the suggestions given at first. Suspend your disbelief and engage with it unironically and without pretense. If you notice yourself drifting, don’t try to force it back to focus. Simply let it explore where it wants and to carry on organically. Nothing in trance needs to be forced. Simply focused on and allowed to happen.

Many subs oscillate in trance, their minds ebbing and flowing like a Sine wave; wavering in and out of trance, one minute aware, the next minute completely blank and asleep, and then for a brief moment in bliss. But it averages out to trance at the end of it. One must also not fear dropping out of trance. Focusing too much on that eventuality makes it a self fulfilling prophecy. Just Focus-not-focus-half-focus and enjoy yourself.

Apprehension

So many subjects look at files and their mind begins to spin with endless questions and anxieties. Worries about “losing themselves” or “changing too much” or “doing things they don’t want to do.” It’s a valid set of concerns for a new subject, uninitiated in the true mechanics of trance and only knowing of hypnosis what is shown in the media. Evil villains and monsters brainwashing our heroes to do horribly enticing and arousing things. So ingrained is this idea that it even crossed over into the allure of hypnosis files. And while I won’t say it's impossible for that to happen, I have 3 comments on it to ease your mind. First, with Files, one of the best things about it is that the subject gets to control practically every single aspect of the experience. When you do it, how many times you listen, and whether you listen at all to begin with. While all files should be clearly labelled with Content and trigger warnings and given an explicit summary of what they are and what they do, we know that is not the case. The amount of “Mystery files” I've seen on various forums irks me to no end. But it appeals to some people. However, for those who are not particularly fond of surprises you have the absolute power to review the file before you trance to it. You can give it a fully aware walk through, or just jump through segments to look for anything that doesn’t suit your taste.

Once you’ve done that however you might still be conflicted about some content. Not openly averse to it, but unsure. Dumbing down and IQ reduction are probably number one on this list. People are so terrified of somehow losing everything when they learn to stop overthinking things. For these concerns my second point suggests Introspection. Ask yourself “Why do I/Don’t I want this?” “Is it really as bad as my anxiety is making it out to be?” Because if you like something a lot, and really want it, then why should you deny yourself it out of fear? Even aside from dumbing, many desires are tinged with this air of guilt or fear. Terrified to acknowledge or grab hold of what we truly want and own up to it. In my estimation Hypnosis can be one of the best ways of dabbling with those desires because in trance there is no shame or judgement. Finally, my 3rd point says you don’t have to worry. If you really don’t like a suggestion you can always leave it behind. Your mind has built in fail-safes to reject suggestions you haven’t agreed to. A file cannot make you do something unless you want it, at least subconsciously. The old cliche goes “All Hypnosis is Self-Hypnosis” and what that fundamentally means is that as a subject you are the one who decides what happens. You consent and go along with things and allow them to happen to you. It is your desire, your focus, your arousal and your own subconscious that allows hypnosis to work. Subjects have more power than they know. I really hope it assists some people in vibing better with trance and files. I’ll be putting out another version for Live hypnotists later this month.

Thanks again to Acro for letting me use their Art, definitely go and support them on twitter. And If you want to support the creation of more hypnotic experiences that might help you practice that balance of focus then you can do so by subscribing to my Patreon, or to my Youtube channel. And if you want to interact more closely with me and my supportive community you can join my Discord server.

#Hypnosis #trance #gay hypnosis #brainwashing #caption #hypnotized #hypnokink

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wincestation · 3 years ago

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Wincest in the Pilot (aka my final paper)

2k of academic rambling. I got plenty of help and inspiration from this post and this blog review. Also huge thanks to @s2e11playthings for helping me find the latter. It is me! Essay-anon came out of the shadows!

The first interaction between the two brothers as adults occurs when Dean sneaks into Sam's apartment in the middle of the night. Sam fights the intruder before the latter pins him to the floor, making him realize it's his brother. The first words Dean tells him after not seeing him for two years are, "Easy, tiger." Dean's hand grabs Sam's neck and he smiles broadly at his little brother. As stated in the subsequent dialogue, the reason Dean appears this way is because he knows Sam would not have answered the phone if he had called. Why? the only reason Dean would call (which is also the reason he showed up) is that something happened to their father. Sam knows this, and maybe he didn't care if something really did happen to John. But what if John was the one who called? Maybe then Sam would answer, because he knows that this phone call has a different meaning: something happened to Dean.

Sam and Dean step outside to talk. Sam initially refuses to come with his brother, saying he is done with hunting, with the life that Dean and their father lead. Dean mocks Sam's aspiration for a normal life, perhaps as part of an attempt to persuade Sam to come with him, and return to the life they always shared together. After an argument between the two, involving emotional manipulations on both sides ("It wasn't easy, but it wasn't so bad", Dean dismisses Sam's words; "Do you think Mom would've wanted this for us?" Sam touches on a sensitive point), Dean understands that his brother is not about to give up, and finally reveals the real reason for his arrival:

Dean: I can't do this alone.

Sam: Yes, you can.

Dean: Well, I don't want to.

Dean completely contradicts everything he had said up to this point. In this sentence he expresses an emotional need for Sam, not a practical need. He could have sought out their father alone but chose not to; Maybe he saw the danger to his father's life as a good enough reason for Sam to come back to their lives again. Sam can not remain indifferent to this emotional vulnerability, and agrees to come with him - not because he cares what happens to their father, but because he too, like Dean, needs his brother and does not want to say goodbye to him again.

Sam agrees on one condition: he has an interview on Monday and he must get back on time. Dean agrees. Sam could have offered Dean to sleep on the couch and drive in the morning, or even go after the interview. But he does none of these things, and travels with him at that moment, in the middle of the night, without providing explanations to his girlfriend and without even kissing her goodbye. "At least tell me where you're going?" She calls after him as he leaves, with no answer. This urgency can be interpreted as a concern for the safety of Winchester Sr. but given the relationship between him and Sam, this is probably not the case. Why then is Sam in such a hurry to abandon the life he, allegedly, wants so much? In light of the dialogue between the two brothers the answer seems simple. He missed his brother, and now that he knows this feeling is mutual, he feels he has a good enough reason to leave the "normal" life behind - even if only for one weekend. This confirmation is the real reason he's arguing with his brother. The dialogue between them, according to this interpretation, is full of subtext:

Dean: I will not go until you come with me, or kick me out of your life forever.

Sam: If you want me to come, you need to tell me what I need to hear.

Dean: Don't make me say it out loud.

The two set out to find their father. After research, Sam and Dean discover that the monster of the week is a "woman in white" - a ghost that kills unfaithful men. Later in the episode, the ghost tries to attack Sam, who tells her she can't hurt him, because "I'm not unfaithful, I never was." She replies, "You will be." The hegemonic interpretation, presumably meant by the creators of the series, is that Sam is about to cheat on Jessica with the murderous ghost (with or without his consent). But Sam being targeted can be interpreted in another way. Is he going to betray his girlfriend by wanting to return to the life he shared with Dean and their father? Or even, can it be said that he did not betray her, but his brother, by leaving the family and trying to live a "normal" life with a woman?

The scene on the bridge, in which another confrontation takes place between Sam and Dean, can also be interpreted in two ways. Sam says, half in mockery and half in pity, "Mom is dead, and nothing will bring her back." Dean, in a fit of rage, grabs his brother and slams him at one of the bridge poles. "Don't you dare talk about her like that." This is of course one meaning of things. Another meaning could be, "Dean, I moved on, and nothing will bring me back." To this Dean responds in the only way he knows, "don't you dare not give up on me like that." Throughout the episode, and in this scene in particular, Dean repeatedly mocks Sam's choice to leave college - "Do you really think you're going to become a lawyer? Marry your girl?" - And this ridicule can stem from jealousy over the seemingly perfect and normal life that Sam managed to achieve, but at its core is another jealousy: Sam chose this life over a life with him.

The series hit screens in 2005. About two months after the premiere of the first episode, a blog review titled "Supermatural is Supergay" was published. The author described the series as follows:

It’s like the Hardy Boys, only gayer. I love the awkward sexual tension between the brothers. […] So Dean is the super control freak “top”. He has to be driving at all times. […] Sam rides in the passenger seat. He’s the soft spoken bottom boy, always staring out the window in this deep, dreamy state of mind. No idea what the hell he’s thinking about, but I suspect he is wondering where this relationship is going, and if Dean will ever say “I love you”.

Wait a minute… don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about incest here. See, that's the backstory. They are not really brothers. They are secret lovers, hiding their dirty affair. So they pretend to be brothers so nobody questions why they are together 24/7, why they share a bed. […] Throughout the episodes, they give each other hot glances. It’s never part of the dialogue, they just look like they will rip each other’s clothes off at any given moment. […]

UPDATE: On last Tuesday's episode, "Bugs", they were mistaken for a gay couple and then pretended to be a gay couple in the next scene. See, I told you they are gay guys pretending to be brothers. You heard it here first.

Although the writer was wrong in his assumption - Sam and Dean are indeed brothers - he makes a claim that will receive many reinforcements from the fans. There is a certain tension between the two characters, a codependence bordering on desperation that often later in the show will cause them to take extreme steps to keep each other safe. The brothers' love borders on obsession, which caused many fans to agree with the blogger's opinion - just a week after the first episode was aired, the first online community dedicated to the romantic relationship between the two brothers already opened (sn_slash, or Supernatural Slash, "for all your brotherly needs"). It is difficult to say whether the homoerotic clues came from the creators and were picked up by the audience, or whether the audience interpreted the show as he wished and the creators decided to satisfy their desires, but throughout the series there is recognition of the two's special relationship: In "Bugs" [1x08], everyone is convinced they are a couple and they continue the pretense; In later seasons, the brothers discover that books are being written about their lives, and that many fans of these books are convinced they are a couple (in "The Real Ghostbusters" [5x09] in the Supernatural convention, there is a panel called "The Homoerotic Undertones in Supernatural"); And many of the characters in the series, even those who know about the two being brothers, describe their relationship as one of codependence, blind and absolute love, for which they often sacrifice the entire world ("Sam and Dean Winchester are psychotically, irrationally, erotically codependent on each other", [5x19] "The point of no return").

Did the creators not understand that this is the message they are transmitting? It is hard to believe that they were unanimous on the subject, especially in light of all the reflexive references they themselves have planted in the show. If so, what could be their reason for engaging in a relationship that is fundamentally unnatural, perverse and forbidden, socially and often legally? This can be explained with the help of another issue - that of the exclusion of LGBTQ+ relationships from the public sphere and the lack of legitimacy for their visibility. Supernatural hit the screens in 2005, a time that may not seem so long ago, but its gay visibility is still lacking, and in which there was still no legitimacy to present a proud couple in popular culture. Maybe, as the blogger suggested in his review, the creators genuinely wanted to create a series that would center around love between two men, but felt that the world was not ready to see that content explicitly. After all, it was only a few decades ago that homosexuality was also perceived as unnatural, perverse and forbidden. Maybe acknowledging that, the creators chose to turn Sam and Dean into brothers, as if to reassure the conservatives: of course they are not just two men who are together at any given moment, staring at each other longingly and willing to sacrifice the whole world just so they won't be left without each other. That could be interpreted as homosexuality - and beyond the harsh criticism, such TV series simply wouldn't survive (or at least, that is how the creators may have felt at the time). And if some of the fans understood the true meaning in which the creators wanted engage, well, that was not in their hands.

To sum up, it is difficult to argue that this relationship is characterized as purely platonic. Even if the creators did not intend to create such an impression already in the first episode, they were aware of this impression and included explicit references to this unusual relationship. Although only an analysis of the first episode was conducted here, throughout the entire series there are unequivocal statements that support this assumption (some of which I mentioned above, but most of which have been omitted). And perhaps there is no need for many words beyond those uttered by the brothers themselves, for the first time in the pilot, and for the last time in the finale ("Carry on" [15x20]), before they said goodbye to each other for the last time: "I can't do this alone. I don't want to."

#wincest #meta #sam x dean #pilot #i wish all my school papers could be about wincest #thanks for coming to my ted talk

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sigynpenniman · 3 years ago

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Julian Bashir Playlist Time!!

Apple Music playlist (if you're a heathen and subscribe to apple music like me) here

I know that there's plenty of people making playlists, but I really feel like this is an under-utilized brand of fan content. Instead of attempting to create a list of songs that Julian would listen to, or a playlist of songs which were all lyrically directly applicable (though there certainly some of those in here) regardless of genre, I tried to create something which captured, above all, his vibes instead, by choosing songs that balance at least somewhat relevant lyrical content with the energy or feel that I associate with the character. What it means matters, but not as much as how it makes you feel. That said, I signed up for apple music and read a TON of those overwrought iTunes store album review descriptions while I was making this, so I have a whole lot to say about all my choices here. In depth explanation of my symbolism and methodology behind each song under the keep reading. (I love tumblr. I want to write 1,000 words of analysis about why I picked songs to represent Julian Bashir and some of you are gonna read it. This is where I get to pretend to be one of those iTunes music writers. I feel joy.)

Good Morning - Two Door Cinema Club TDCC's Gameshow is high on my favorite albums of all time list for nebulous reasons I myself don't really understand. It was this album, though not this song (but one that will pop up later) that actually inspired me to make this playlist to begin with, as for some reason, from the color scheme of the album cover, to the overall vibe, to the ever-present references to illness, injury, surgery and healers in the lyrics, the whole thing feels inescapably Julian to me. And with an opening like I'm a sinner/I'm the victim/I'm an alien when I'm myself/I'm a healer/I'm a fixer/I'm a present danger to my health/I'm so strong/Doing what I'm supposed to do/ There's something wrong/With somebody like me, it's hard NOT to think about Julian when you hear this song, and I can't think of a better way to start this off.

Sweater Weather - The Neighbourhood I think there's a joke somewhere about bisexual people all liking Sweater Weather, and yeah, I resemble that remark. Sweater Weather is just good. You'll notice there's a sort of chill-indie-alt-electronic thing going here, and that is very much the vibe I'm sticking with. Sweater Weather slots in beautifully, both sonically and thematically. As the singer looks to warm and protect the person he's with from the cold, you can't help but feel a loving coziness coming off of this one. It always makes me feel cozy, at least, so it's here.

Gooey - Glass Animals I have nothing to analyze here because the artists themselves have said that the lyrics of this song have no meaning, they're just meant to capture a vibe, and capture it they do. Close your eyes and ride the vibes of this one. The energy is right, I love it, it belongs here.

Blue - Mika I could probably write a couple hundred words on Blue alone, in any context. This might be my beloved Mika's magnum Opus. Opening the song with the inherently counterintuitive lyric Blue is a feminine color, Mika manages to pack it ALL into this 3 minute song: questions about gender; concepts of sadness, joy, and their intersections; of the perception of melancholy as a flaw and loving people despite, or maybe because of, those "flaws" and anything else about them; a powerful first person reassurance that made me start weeping in my car the first time I heard it; just the phrase "why are humans cruel to you." And oh boy, ARE there questions of gender. Why is blue NOT considered a feminine color? Is that a good thing, a bad thing? In 3 minutes of artful poetry, Mika manages to wrap up sadness, love, joy, pain, the feminine that exists within the masculine and the masculine that exists within the feminine, in the simple color of blue and then, in one lyric, validates it all. And on a much simpler and more obvious note, this is in fact all a philosophic musing on the symbolic meaning of the color we see Julian wearing almost all the time (when he's not in uniform, almost all his civvies are also shades of blue.) I feel like this is one of those songs that's hard to analyze because it does what music and poetry does best - communicate something that cannot be communicated any other way. With these broad themes of loving others around the things they can't love about themselves, you can decide for yourself if this one is coming FROM Julian or directed AT him, either works. I find myself struggling for exactly the words to explain this one, but listen to it; you'll understand.

Little Dark Age - MGMT Another choice with no obvious lyrical relevance, but the tonal fit was just too good to pass up. The vibes pass.

The City - The 1975 This song is one of several present because it leans on medical symbolism to get its point across, though I would be lying if I said I fully understood what that point was. But the entire second verse, apparently about the song's subject suffering from some kind of illness and reassuring him that the next one's the M.D./You'll be feeling just fine, seems somehow to transmit the discomfort of illness directly to the listener. I don't know how or why, but the effectiveness of the empathy the second half of this song elicits, in me at least, puts it squarely in the "odd medical vibes" category.

Surgery - Two Door Cinema Club THIS is the song that inspired this whole playlist, mostly because of its title and general vibe. Another example (of many) of medical/anatomical references in this album (another of the songs is called Fever, etc), this song just feels like Julian to me.

The Other Side Of Paradise - Glass Animals I really like Glass Animals. That is probably becoming obvious. Aside from its delightfully cohesive vibes, this song opens with what's simultaneously the slyest and most brazen gay lyric I have heard on the radio recently, as the male singer says When I was young and stupid my love left to be a rock and roll star/HE told me... The song seems to be about a man whose male lover left him in pursuit of fame and fortune, and eventually ends up with a woman, leaving the singer behind. It's got simultaneously subtle and obvious gay themes, it's got confused love affairs, it's got so much bisexual energy. I cannot think of anything that could be more Julian.

Sit Next To Me - Foster The People Kind of like Sweater Weather, this whole song is built around a rather cute and sweet "sit next to me," and you can't help but feel a bit warm and cozy when you listen to it. I think it pairs with sweater weather well, and slides in with the rest of the picks very nicely.

Nothing Better - The Postal Service (the original band of the lead singer of Death Cab For Cutie) Another example of heavy surgical symbolism, the very first lyric of this song is Will someone please call a surgeon. This is actually a duet, and the singers speak of their real hearts to represent their emotional ones. Something about Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures always gets me and always will. And it vibes good. It vibes so, so good.

&Run - Sir Sly Sir Sly's &Run is my favorite song for driving too fast. It does an amazing job of musical onomatopoeia, talking about running while making you want to run. It's a song about running out of plans and running as far as you can instead, which is all very "I'm illegal by definition so I went to the farthest possible reaches of space." And like everything else here, it just feels good. It's also one of the only highlights here that I can actually see Julian listening to.

Cosmic Love - Florence and the Machine It's no coincidence that it seems like most of us who are invested in Julian Bashir are some flavor of genderqueer, be it trans, nonbinary, questioning, or something else entirely - the man's got a Gender with a capital G, and there's a whole lot going on in there. Between the words that were written for him on the page, and the words that were actually spoken, and the way he carries himself, Julian always seems caught between the white, western, and frequently toxic masculinity that the writers often seemed to want to imbue him with, and the very different, racially and culturally distinct masculinity Sid actually brought. But there's an undeniable element of the feminine in Julian too, at least by a traditional definition. The presence of this part of him at all, much less the fact that, in-universe, it's the more traditionally "feminine" parts of himself - the caregiving and nurturing aspects - that Julian seems proudest of or to like most about himself, is a large part of what makes his character so interesting, at least to me. So there was no way I was getting out of this without acknowledging that somehow, and I can't think of a better way to acknowledge a complicated relationship with the feminine side of one's own gender than with this world's own Celtic divine feminine, Florence Welch. I can't think of any better artist, at least that I know of, to represent femininity as a nonspecific ethereal goddess-concept. I basically spun the wheel of Florence here, as anything would have worked, but Cosmic Love felt very appropriate for a character who does in fact live in space. There could even be some Garashir in here, I think.

Dream Sweet In Sea Major - ミラクルミュージカル, or Miracle Musical, a sister act made up of members of Tally Hall I also couldn't leave off without acknowledging Julian's affection for classic lounge music, especially since it's the only thing about his taste in music that we actually know. But instead of tacking on some rat pack, instead I'm polishing this off with the incredibly chaotic and somehow also perfectly cohesive and calm Dream Sweet in Sea Major. It's got all of the vibes of a lounge singer but gone completely off the rails, which just seems perfect somehow. And it's also a very nice feeling to be left with, so it seems only right to put it at the end.

and if you've read all of this, I love you. Y'all didn't know I was this into music did you. but I am. oh boy. I AM.

#julian bashir #playlists #Spotify

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lambourngb · 4 years ago

Note

“It was supposed to be a regular, boring morning shower”

First line tag

A million years ago, an anon sent me this ask for the first line meme. I woke up possessed and wrote “stuck in gravity, clawing for some bravery” in 10 days. This story is complete, 23,000 words. I put the first two chapters up on AO3 early in honor of the news of our show coming back. The rest goes up tomorrow.

beta thanks to the wonderful @tasyfa

Pairing: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes, Alex Manes/Forrest Long, Michael Guerin/Maria Deluca (past) Kyle Valenti/Maria Deluca (implied/mentioned)

Tags: Starts Forlex ends in Malex, Getting back together, Nebulous Season 3, Angst, Pining, Alien Soulmate Bullshit, Emotional Infidelity, Communication, Emotional Hurt/Comforot, Explicit Sexual Content, Dirty Talk , Telepathy, Handprint Sex

Summary: A year after Crashcon, Michael knows three things for certain.

1. He loves Alex and he probably definitely always will.

2. Having Alex as his best friend makes everything in his life better.

3. Knowing, thanks to his bullshit alien biology, that Alex still fantasizes about his body regularly while dating someone else for a year, well, that is a little more difficult to navigate.

It’s fine. It is all just fine.

Author Notes: This content is probably not appropriate for review by a college writing class on tumblr, just saying but you’re welcome to leave a kudo if you like it.

*****

It was supposed to be a regular, boring morning shower for Michael.

His first Sunday off in over three months deserved a little self-care, he had decided. The summer had brought an abrupt uptick in work at the garage with increased summertime driving leading to more careless accidents and stranded motorists to tow to safety. While Walt would deny it to the end, Michael couldn’t help but notice the old man had slowed down in his work. Between doing his best to keep Sanders’ in business and taking shifts at the Crashdown to fill in for the still-absent Liz so Arturo and Rosa could have their own break, taking the time for more than a perfunctory late night wash down felt luxurious to Michael.

There was a point to staying busy, with filling every hour inside an engine or on a different project around the junkyard with his trailer and that point was distraction. Distraction from the awareness that everyone was thriving. Max and his new-found ‘cousin’ Jones were reconstructing the history of their people’s language and literature together. Isobel had recently celebrated her three-month anniversary with Monica, an artist who shared the same studio space as Rosa. Maria had made exploring her alien-rooted abilities the focus of her life outside of the bar, combining her knowledge of yoga and meditation to crack the ability of moving forward in time. With that success, she had managed to bring back the answer to saving her brain from damage from the future. Her work with Kyle in developing the treatment for her and Mimi had led a new romance there. Then there was Alex, the true focus of Michael’s need for distraction, marking a one-year anniversary with Forrest.

It was fine. All Michael had ever wanted was for Alex to be happy. The distractions he had filled his life with helped soothe the edges of knowing who was at the root of Alex’s new-found peace.

In the last year, Michael had built a permanent wooden deck out in front of his Airstream, transforming his fire pit into an outdoor brick barbecue oven, before moving on to recycle discarded auto glass into window panes for a small greenhouse complete with a rainwater cistern off the rear of the trailer. The actual interior boasted its own changes, an expanded shower stall and more of a kitchen set up than a hotplate and kettle with a small split-level stove and expanded countertop. The next task was building a canopy to shield the deck from the elements. At some point, Michael had acknowledged to himself that each piece he had worked on had turned his portable, transient can-go-anywhere Airstream into a stable fixture at Sanders’.

A home with roots.

A home without Alex and he had accepted that, respecting Alex’s choice of partner. They were the right people for each other, but were always meeting at the wrong time. For a while, he had waited patiently for things to end with Forrest. He had been happy enough to work on being Alex’s friend in the meantime. Then, once they were truly friends sharing every stupid moment of their days via a text message or over a beer at his trailer, he had felt the betrayal of his selfish thoughts keenly. What kind of friend would root for a break-up? What kind of friend would wish heartbreak on the other?

The asshole kind, he had concluded.

As the hot water from the shower head poured over his head though, the acceptance he had about Alex moving on was just a little farther from his reach because Alex was currently thinking about him. They weren’t platonic friend-thoughts either.

A ghost sensation of a hand skirted down Michael’s body, lingering over his chest hair, and fuck, Alex had really loved to card his fingers through it. His mind was awash with impulses not his own, hot anticipation and the thrill of pleasure dropped down his body like the free-falling crest of a rollercoaster. Michael closed his eyes, soaking in the feelings. A gasp escaped his mouth, heard by no one in his trailer. Good God, Alex was really ready, waking with morning wood or to someone — Wrapping his own hand around his hardening cock, Michael stroked himself in time with Alex’s thoughts, pushing aside his own. It was best to just give into temptation and enjoy the moment.

It was something he had learned to embrace with varying degrees of eagerness over the last few years.

The connection with Alex had formed apparently sometime after the shed, but it had taken him over ten years and Alex moving back to Roswell to realize what was going on between them. The summer they had turned eighteen, they had barely been able to keep their hands off each other in the desert, and when Michael was alone, all he could think about back then, was Alex. His head had been a complex swirl of emotion, slingshotting him from the highs of seeing Alex to the lows of facing his own aborted future. There was the longing for Alex, the sadness that he knew their time was limited because Alex was going to go places, and he was stuck in Roswell watching over Isobel, but in the background, of what he thought was a relic from Jesse’s attack, was always a sense of sick fear, of being caught. Again.

Then over the last ten years, Michael would experience this awareness, and suddenly all he could think about was Alex. How it felt to touch him, the wickedness of his mouth, the burn and the stretch to accept Alex’s cock as he took him inside with a bitten lip- Michael thought it was just his mind, giving him a touchstone to happiness and the remembrance of being loved briefly by Alex. Nostalgia. Afterwards as he caught his breath, with his chest splattered with come, the sadness would seep in again, stealing whatever light that was made by those memories.

It wasn’t until after the drive-in, when Alex had spent almost two months avoiding him in person, that Michael had realized that those moments, late at night or early in the morning, were tied to Alex. It took falling into his bed one night, after visiting Isobel in her pod to finally piece it together. His face had hurt from crying on the drive home and the urge to sleep and never wake up again had been so incredibly strong that it took a moment for him to realize he was thinking about Alex. His cock hadn’t even been on his radar, but suddenly all he could think about was getting sucked off.

Fuck, he hadn’t wanted it then, too sad and scared about Isobel to feel much connection to his body for the purposes of pleasure, but the sensations and feelings that had overtaken Michael were too intense to fight that night. Later as he panted, open-mouthed and staring at the ceiling of his Airstream with distant thoughts of cleaning up, his phone rang once. Only the once. Then a ding of a text.

Alex -is home: Sorry pocket dialed.

The rush of self-loathing that hit Michael as he read the message had been so strong he had dropped the phone on the floor of the trailer. That’s when he knew it wasn’t his feelings in his head because in all the years of knowing Alex, of loving Alex, he had never once felt disgust toward himself for his feelings for Alex. From the moment across a borrowed guitar, Michael had accepted the tilt of his axis toward Alex Manes as a fundamental fact, like force equalling mass times acceleration.

Alex hadn’t shared that comfort, and the more Michael tuned into what was going on in Alex’s head, the more his heart broke. Two things became clear to Michael over time; the occurrences were sporadic enough for him to know that he only felt them when Alex was specifically thinking about Michael when he jerked off, and the post-orgasm feelings of disgust and self-loathing were not isolated incidents for Alex to feel afterwards.

“Sometimes things end in a whimper, Guerin-” and Michael had numbly accepted that as proof that while Alex might enjoy thinking about his body, about the ways he had pleasured Alex in the past, Alex had no desire for anything more from Michael. The sex was epic, fodder for a late night fantasy, but Michael himself? He was not someone that Alex wanted to want.

He had changed Alex’s name in his phone from “Alex -is home” to “Alex -is a bad idea” after that and then cursed himself for the trick of alien biology, doomed to be forever aware that he was an example of backsliding to Alex. When Maria had reached for him that night in Texas, he had welcomed her because she seemed at least self-aware of the fact she didn’t want to want him. There was zero chance of a misunderstanding between them that night, even as he kicked himself for still following after people who swore to him that it would never happen again.

For a long time after Caulfield, he had thought perhaps the grief of losing his mother had broken the link with Alex, setting them both free in the wreckage and dust of the prison. The dying psychic screams of his people had rolled over him, scorching his thoughts into cinders as that last connection to love and hope burned out in his mind, his mother’s life extinguishing under the thunder of Semtex and C-4. Then one night shortly after moving his trailer to the Wild Pony, it had happened again. The same overwhelming feeling of need, of longing, but this time the self-loathing afterwards had been accompanied by a crippling feeling of guilt. He had laid there in the twilight of the Wild Pony’s loft, having silently come into his palm while the sound of Maria’s breathing brushed against his ear. For the first time, he had joined Alex in that feeling of self-hatred.

It was past the time for him to flip the switch from ‘tortured lust’ to some semblance of friendship with Alex, if he could and so tentatively, he agreed to work on uncovering his mother’s past together with him. He updated his phone again with that decision in mind to “Alex -sup bro”.

After Maria had learned the truth about Rosa and sent him away with betrayed eyes, he experienced a moment of weakness for Alex after the visit they had made to the Long Farm. There had been a lightness in how Alex had moved that day, his steps had been considered but committed as they had explored the last place his mother had felt at home on earth. Inside of Michael’s heart, he had been able to feel the pieces moving together while he had stood in a place where Nora had had a family, next to a man who had always represented that promise to Michael. The openness of Alex’s smile as they had waited for Forrest Long to reappear had had Michael thinking dangerous thoughts again about a future with him.

What if. What if Alex were ready to take a step toward him without the weight of the past?

That tenuous hope had lasted until the night after Alex had given him the piece of the ship’s console. Standing in his bunker near two am, he had been examining the new piece of his ship, of his past, puzzling over why it wasn’t bonding with the rest of the console when he had felt the awareness of Alex creep into his cells, into his DNA. Eagerly he had opened his jeans with both hands and had fisted his cock, letting himself go with the pull of Alex’s desire. In the aftermath, he had found himself on the floor of the bunker, with come dripping off a fallen drawing of a ship’s engine, but near tears with the knowledge that nothing had changed for Alex. It had still been the same fear flooding his veins, still the same anchor of tortured longing and deep shame weighing his limbs down even as he had been left wrecked by how good his body had felt.

It had been madness for Michael the next few months as he had fallen in deeper with Maria, while the connection with Alex had kept tugging at his soul. There had been little rhyme or reason to when it had happened. Weeks would pass where he apparently hadn’t crossed Alex’s mind once, and then there had been a week when every night Michael had been hit with the same mix of love, lust and bottomless need. Thankfully it had matched with the week-long retreat Maria and Mimi had taken together, saving Michael the work of explaining to her why he was wearing out the washing machines at the Fluff N Fold with his dirty sheets.

The self-torment Alex had felt about him had slowly lifted, to the point when Michael had found out the truth about Walt Sanders, he had called Alex without hesitation. The contact in his phone had changed to ‘Alex- best bro’. If he had finally become a measure of comfort for Alex to remember in his most personal moments, then perhaps Alex could also become a comfort to him, without the mire of their trauma holding them frozen in place.

He had been fooling himself completely in the aftermath of Alex’s abduction that friendship would ever be enough for him. The wounds from his breakup with Maria had still been bleeding below his skin when he had stepped into the Wild Pony to hear Alex singing about him. About them. Then he had been hit with the connection, blossoming open for the first time ever in Alex’s actual presence under the spell of his song.

There had still been a ghost of darkness in Alex’s feelings for him, as he had sung about fighting battles but for the first time in a long time, Michael had felt that there was hope that Alex was finally finding peace with Jesse dead. Despite Isobel’s prodding him to stay and make a move, he had known that it wasn’t their time yet. There had been too much grief and regret swirling in his head, and not just from Alex, but he could be patient for them both for the right moment. The connection had never felt more alive between them that night on the promise of a future.

At least that was what he had thought, until time had kept passing yet here he was, standing in his shower with his hand on his dick a year later, while Alex was across town in someone else’s bed but clearly thinking about him.

Michael watched as his seed dripped down the fiberglass walls, the shower spray sending it down the drain in an eddy of his own frustrated longing. His body was calm, at least, and his mind was buzzing with happiness from Alex. He concentrated on the euphoria floating between them in particular. Alex had soaked up pleasure this morning, pursuing it with a greed that Michael couldn’t help but admire, and then he had let himself go without any hint of shame. God, it felt good to know that Alex had finally found that comfort with himself.

He breathed in and out, counting the seconds down until the connection faded. Once it was over, he gave himself five more minutes under the hot spray, letting whatever was welling in his eyes, slip unseen down his face. He cursed his stupid alien biology in the same breath that he clung to it for giving him Alex again, if only briefly.

After he was dressed for his brunch plans with everyone, he checked his phone before he left, to find a text from Alex. The contact had been updated one more time, six months after the Crashcon, from “Alex -best bro” to “Alex -bf”. Isobel had been way too excited to see that notation, until Michael had patiently explained it had stood for ‘best friend’. Maybe in another universe it was ‘boyfriend’, just not this one.

This wasn’t crumbs, he had argued to her, Alex was still a feast for him in whatever way he could have him. He read the text with his mind still working to box up the feelings that lingered for Alex, “Tell everyone we will be late- overslept”. The ‘we’ was what puzzled Michael the most about the whole situation over the last year. Why was Alex still thinking about Michael the way he did while he was with someone else?

AO3 link for more

#malex #malex fic #roswell new mexico #getting back together #season 3 #set a year after the crashcon 2x13 #not forrest long friendly #alien soulmate bullshit #publishing this ask and posting a link is self-indugent but wanted nonnie to see it #Anonymous #alien soulmate shenanigans #cosmic soulmates

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hb-pickle · 4 years ago

Text

Frozen 2: Dangerous Secrets Review Essay

Why Sensitivity Readers Are Always Necessary

Before I start, I would like to make it very clear that this review only critiques the aspects of colonialism and representation in Frozen 2: Dangerous Secrets. I will not be discussing the romance, side characters or anything else like that. Also, I would like to make it very clear that none of this review is meant to personally attack or berate the author @marimancusi . I firmly believe that none of the cultural insensitivities in her book were intentional, but were simply the result of a non-indigenous, white author writing about experiences she could not personally relate to. My only goals for writing this review is to show the author how her book unintentionally perpetuated many harmful and outdated ideas about racism and colonialism, and to convince her and Disney to contact and hire sensitivity readers before they create content about vulnerable racial/ethnic groups.

I would also like to state that I am an African American woman and not indigienous, so I have personal experiences with racism and colonialism towards black people, but not towards indigenous communities. So if any indigenous people see problems or inaccuracies with my review, I would be happy to listen and put your voice first.

- - -

To summarize quickly (with full context), Frozen 2: Dangerous Secrets is about Iduna, a young indigenous Northuldra girl (oppressed racial/ethnic minority) who was suddenly and violently separated from her home and family when her people were betrayed and attacked by the Arendellians (colonizing class). As a result of the massacre battle between the two groups, Iduna is permanently separated from her home (caused by a magical and impenetrable mist) and forced to spend the rest of her days in the kingdom of Arendelle, where she lives in almost constant fear of being exposed as a Northuldran (for the townsfolk are violently bigoted against them). Naturally, this book contains many many depictions of racial hatred and bigotry along with exploring the mindset and fears of a young girl dealing with the brunt of colonialism. Unfortunately, it tends to fumble the seriousness of these situations (out of ignorance or out of a desire to keep the book lighthearted/to center the romance plotline), which results in an overall detrimental message to the audience. The missteps I specifically want to unpack are as follows.

- (1/5) Severs Iduna’s connection to her culture before the story even begins (making us feel less empathetic for the Northuldra’s plight)

I’m not 100% certain, but my understanding is that the purpose of making Iduna a double orphan was to make her more sympathetic and to give her a reason to save Agnarr’s life (to have compassion for a stranger, the same way her adoptive family did for her). In theory this is perfectly fine, quickly establishing that the audience should like Iduna is smart and so is rationalizing her most important, life changing decision. But in practice this only functions to distance Iduna from her culture and family and make the reader care less about the Northuldra. This is because it takes away Iduna’s chance to have a strong, palpable relationship with a specific Northuldra character, which would humanize their entire group (even if only in memory). The only Northuldra characters that Iduna mentions more than once is her mother and Yelena. Both of these characters are mentioned rarely, neither have a close relationship with Iduna (her mother dying 7 years before the events of the story), nor do either of them have any specific personality traits or lines of dialogue (Yelena has exactly one line and it is about knitting). The goal of a story about a child unjustly stolen from her home should be to explore why those acts of violence were so horrific. The very first step of exploring that is to humanize the victims. After all, why would a reader care about the injustices done to a group of people who barely exist? How are we, the readers, supposed to feel bad for Iduna and mourn her family like she does, if we barely know them?

We needed more of Iduna’s memories. We needed to learn about her friends, her family, her mother and Yelena. What were they really like? How did they love Iduna? What were their last words to her before she never saw them again? Didn’t Iduna care for them? Did she worry about their well being and miss their comforts? We need to hear about how she bonded with them, how they made her feel, how they made her laugh or cry. How they taught her to hunt, forage, and knit so that when we hear how the Arendellians speak of them, with such ignorance and contempt, we are as truly disgusted and offended as we should be.

- (2/5) Equates Iduna and Agnarr’s suffering, aggressively downplaying the brutality of colonialism (even to the point of prioritizing Agnarr’s needs)

First things first, I understand that Dangerous Secrets is a modern day romance novel for older children/teens so an equal power balance between Agnarr and Iduna is preferred (which I agree with). But, this balance extends past the romance and personalities and into attempting to portray Agnarr and Iduna’s suffering as equal. This is best exemplified in these lines of internal dialogue by Iduna:

I did not deserve to be locked away from everyone I loved. But Agnarr did not deserve to die alone on the forest floor because he’d had a fight with his father. Whatever happened that day to anger the spirits and cause all of this, it was not his fault. Nor was it mine. And while we might be on different sides of this fight, we had both lost so much. Our friends. Our family. Our place in the world. In an odd way we were more alike than different. (Page 67)

All of this is technically true, up until the very last line about them being “more alike than different”. Agnarr and Iduna’s lives are nothing alike. Iduna is a poor, indigenous girl who had everyone she ever knew or loved either killed or permanently taken away from her, stolen from her home and forced to spend the rest of her life living in a foreign kingdom rife with people who actively, consistently threaten her safety. While Agnarr, on the other hand, is a white male member of the royal family, heir to the throne, and extremely wealthy. The novel doesn’t shy away from this (at least on Agnarr’s part), and doesn’t hesitate to show us that Agnarr is royalty and will never experience what Iduna has to endure. But it behaves like Agnarr’s relatively petty, temporary, and incomparable ills are just as heartbreaking as Iduna’s and focuses significantly more time and energy building up empathy for him and his woes. This extends from small things like the book asserting that the few times Agnarr needed to stay in his castle, to avoid political assasination was comparable to Iduna’s family being trapped in the mist (against their will for 30+ years); to more concerning issues like claiming Agnarr’s separation from his parent’s is just as distressing as Iduna’s separation from her entire people. Now fleshing out Agnarr and his relation to parents is a good thing, since it can provide crucial character motivation and make him more of a well rounded character. But when Agnarr’s suffering is presented as more relevant and worthwhile discussing than Iduna’s it, by extension, implies that the frustrations of an affluent life and being separated from parents that did not value you in the first place (Runeard and Rita) is somehow more or just as pressing as facing the brunt of the most violent and terrifying forms of colonialism. Agnarr’s story may be tragic, but it is nowhere near as horrific as Iduna’s and the book should acknowledge and reflect that.

- (3/5) Has a rudimentary understanding of racism and how if affects the people who perpetuate it

Dangerous Secrets’ understanding of racism (and how to deal with it) is summed up very concisely in a conversation between Lord Peterssen and young Prince Agnarr. Agnarr asks his senior why the Arendellian towns people are so obsessed with blaming magic and the spirits (magic and spirits being an allegory for real world characteristics that are unique to one culture or people) for all their problems, and the following exchange insues:

“People will always need something to blame for their troubles”, he explained. “And magical spirits are an easy target-since they can’t exactly defend themselves… “So what do we do?” I asked. “We can’t very well fight against an imaginary force!” “No. But we can make the people feel safe. That’s our primary job.” (Page 132-133)

Though Lord Peterssen is supposed to be a flawed character, who puts undue pressure onto Iduna and Agnarr to uphold the status quo of Arendelle, this line is (intentional or not) how the book actually views racism and how it expects the characters (and reader by extension) to deal with/understand it. Bigotry is portrayed as something that is inevitable and something that should not be quelled or disproven, but accommodated for. Agnarr, as king next in line, should not worry about ending the unjust hatred in his kingdom, or killing the root of the problem (the rumors). Instead he should tell his people their suspicions are correct, and put actual resources and time into abetting their dangerous beliefs. Even later on, at the very end of the novel, Agnarr treats the prolific bigotry and magic hatred of his people as an unfortunate circumstance he has found himself in, and not something that he, as king, has the power or civic responsibility to change.

This could have been an excellent line of flawed logic, representing how privileged people tend to avoid/project the blame of racism, and prioritize order and peace over justice. Which would work especially well for Peterssen and Agnarr since they are both high class nobles with the power to actually make a difference, instead choosing to foist responsibility onto Iduna (in the case of Peterssen) who was only a child, relatively impoverished, and the one with the most to lose if she spoke out. Or, in the case of Agnarr, they do disagree with the fear mongering, but only for personal reasons (Agnarr because his father used it as an excuse for his lies); refusing still to actually work to improve his society. But the key detail is that this needs to be portrayed as wrong, which this book fails to do. Agnarr nor Peterssen are ever expected to disprove the townsfolk’s bigotry in any meaningful, long lasting sense, Peterssen is never confronted seriously for his cowardice and victim blaming, and Agnarr is never criticized for his anti-bigotry being based entirely on his own personal parental issues and not in the fact that he knows with 100% certainty that the Northuldra are innocent.

This flawed understanding of bigotry also applies to how the book depicts the Arendellian townsfolk, who are awarded no accountability whatsoever for their actions. The townspeople spend the entire book threatening to kill any Northuldra they find and Peterssen, Agnarr, and Iduna are constantly afraid that they would immediately destabilize the government if they found out their king was close to one. But somehow this does not translate into any contempt or distrust in our protagonist or the reader. In this novel, we meet only four openly bigoted individuals: the two orphan children playing “kill the Northuldra”, the purple/pink sheep guy (Askel), and the allergy woman (Mrs. Olsen). The orphans are dismissed wholesale because they are literal children who also lost both of their parents in the battle of the dam (so they were killed by Northuldra; somewhat justifying their anger). And the other two townsfolk are joke characters, whose claims are so unbelievable that they aren’t supposed to be seen as a serious threat. Not only that but Askel is rewarded for his bigotry when Iduna offers he sell his pink sheep’ wool (which he thought was an attack from the Northuldra) as beautiful pink shawls. These are the only specific characters that show any type of active bigotry in the entire kingdom besides Runeard, whomst is dead. Every other character is either an innocent and friendly bystander (the woman at the chocolate shop, the new orphans Iduna buys cookies for, the farmers Iduna sells windmills too, the people at Agnarr and Iduna’s wedding), has no opinion at all (Greda, Kai, Johan), or is portrayed as someone who is just innocently scared and doesn’t know any better (the rest of the townsfolk, especially those who fear the Northuldra are the sun mask attackers). Even the King of Vassar, the most violent and dangerous living character of the story, doesn’t even hold any prejudice against the Northuldra, and simply uses their imagery to scare Arendelle into accepting his military rule.

So according to this book, bigotry and racism come not from the individual, but from society and the system you live in, but also not really because the people in charge of that system (Peterssen, Agnarr, and eventually Iduna) are also virtually guiltless. This, of course, is not true at all. Racism is a moral failing which exists on all levels of society, from individuals who chose to be bigoted, to others who tolerate bigotry as long as it doesn’t inconveniance them. It's not just an inevitable fear of what you don’t understand, but an insidious choice to be ignorant, fearful, and unjust to the most vulnerable members of society. It is malicious and irrational, and the more you tolerate it, the more dangerous it becomes.

- (4/5) Presents Iduna’s assimilation to the dominant culture as a positive

As the romance plotline of Dangerous Secrets really starts to get underway, Iduna’s life seems perfect. Her romance with Agnarr blossoms, she has her own business, and is becoming accustomed to her new surroundings (in order to make the coming drama more exciting). This is her internal dialogue as she returns to town one day:

I couldn't imagine, at the time, living in a place like this. But now it felt like home. It would never replace the forest I grew up in… But it had been so long now, that life had begun to feel almost like a dream. A beautiful dream of an enchanted forest… There was a time I truly believed I would die if I could never enter the forest again. If the mist was never to part. But that time, I realized, was long gone. And I had so much more to live for now… And my dreams were less about returning to the past and more about striking out into the future- (Page 128-129)

Again, I understand that the point of Iduna being content with her life like this is to be the “calm before the storm” of the romance arc, but the fact that Iduna is almost forgetting her old life, and that it is presented as a good thing, is extremely distressing. At only 12 years old Iduna lost everything she ever had besides the literal clothes on her back; she would never forget that. Not only that, but the real world implication that a minority should cope with their societal trauma by spending the rest of their life working for said society that unapologetically wants to kill them (and get a boyfriend) is horribly off putting. It strikes a nerve with many people of color and indigenous readers because telling minorities to “get a job” or “get a life” (especially when said jobs ignore/are separate from their own cultures) is commonly used by privileged folk to blame them for their own dissatisfaction/unhappiness with the society they live in. The idea is that minorities should continue to suffer, but busy themselves, so they stop criticizing dominant culture and defending/uplifting their own. This is part of cultural erasure, and the book plays into it, by commending Iduna for “having more to live for” than cherishing/wanting to return to her original home, for prioritizing Arendelle over herself, and for forgetting her heritage/playing it off as nothing but a dream. Devaluing indigenous culture like this, especially through an indigenous character, is extremely disrespectful.

Not only that, but it’s completely antithetical to Iduna’s character, since she claims to be proud and unashamed of who she is, but happily assists the townsfolk who hate her, and rarely mentions her heritage besides when she’s caught in a lie or actively being persecuted. This is another failing brought on by the lack of understanding of how racism affects its victims. Being a minority plays into all the decisions you make and all the interactions you have; it’s not something that you can just turn off unless directly provoked. Iduna’s would be constantly fretting about who she talks to, and who she is with because if she gets too close to the wrong person, she could have put herself in serious danger.

Nowhere is this lack of realism more obvious than the scene directly after Iduna rejects Johan’s proposal. Iduna spends a long time thinking about whether marrying Johan or Agnarr would be better for her, and not even once does being a Northuldra play into her decision making. This should’ve been front and center because your husband can be your strongest ally or your greatest enemy. If Iduna was outed, what could she do to defend herself against or alongside her partner? If she was ever going to consider marrying for anything other than true love, her chances of survival should have been her first priority.

What I’m not saying is that there needs to be a complete overhaul of Iduna’s personality, or that she needs to be frightened and suspicious at all times. Iduna can project strength and caution. She can be kind to the townspeople, but reserved in order to keep a safe distance. She should cling to the few pieces of her culture she has left, despite what society tells her to do. Or, on the exact opposite side of the coin, Iduna’s personality could be kept relatively the same, but the book needs to acknowledge that this is a terrible thing. Iduna is being assimilated against her will to a society that doesn’t value her and that is a tragedy. In a futile attempt at survival, Iduna buries her culture away and lives her life as a perfect, contributing, model Arendellian citizen, but they terrorize her regardless.

- (5/5) Negatively depicts the indigenous Northuldra as murderous invaders

In Chapter 34 of Dangerous Secrets it is revealed, during a flashback, that Iduna lost her parents and her entire family group in an attack by a separate group of Northuldra invaders. This scene is completely unacceptable regardless whatever narrative/story purpose it was supposed to achieve for several reasons. Firstly, because this book is about colonialism, which we as a society already know the consequences of and how colonizers, in an attempt to rid themselves of blame, react to it. One of the very first things a colonizer/privileged class will do to make themselves feel less guilty for the atrocities they perpetuate is bring up acts of violence/wrongdoing on behalf of the oppressed. The sole purpose of this is always to make the victims look less sympathetic and less deserving of justice, equality, or attention because “they’re not so innocent, they did wrong things too, so maybe we shouldn't feel that bad for them/maybe they got what they deserved”. And of course this mindset is absolutely horrific and unforgivable when you’re talking about a group of white colonizers actively trying to destroy and indiscriminately slaughter a large group of indigenous people, including their children.

The second reason is because the author is a non-indigenous white person, and therefore benefits directly from the downplaying of indiginous pain. I’m sure this wasn’t intentionally malicious on her part, but that’s what she wrote; these are the consequences.

((Also the fact that one of the Northuldra groups are murderous invaders means that Iduna was actively lying the entire book about the Northuldra being peaceful.))

- - -

In conclusion, any book that incorporates the culture and experiences of a group the author is not a part of, should absolutely hire a sensitivity reader to ensure accuracy and respect. As a Frozen superfan myself, I actually enjoyed this book a lot and I was delighted to see the lore, worldbuilding and romance. I loved Agnarr, Lord Peterssen, and Princess Runa and certain pieces of dialogue and imagery were beautiful. This novel just desperately needed someone to check it. All this book needed was a bit more of a critical gaze on some of the character decisions and motivations (I truly believe Agnarr and Peterssen would have been even more intriguing and likeable characters if they were actually called out, and given time to reflect on their hypocrisies) and it would’ve been much stronger and more palatable to diverse audiences. Some elements did need to be cut out completely, but a sensitivity reader would’ve easily been able to point this out and offer alternatives that preserved the spirit of the novel, without including any offensive and distasteful implications.

#dangerous secrets #Frozen 2: Dangerous secrets #agduna #iduna frozen #agnarr frozen #iduna #agnarr #frozen #frozen 2 #dangerous secrets review #frozen reviews #frozen review #frozen analysis #frozen 2 analysis #Frozen 2: Dangerous Secrets Review

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makeste · 4 years ago

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I was originally going to send this message declaring my undying love for your metas and chapter reviews aND THEN - AND THEN MAKESTE - I READ THE ANSWER WHERE YOU SAID YOU WERE ARO AND THAT MAKES ME SOOOOO HAPPY. I'm aroace and it is SO FRUSTRATING to want to consume platonic or familial interaction between people and CONSTANTLY only get romantic or sexual. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING YOU CONTRIBUTE

woooo up top! solidarity lol.

for me it’s like... I don’t know if “frustrating” is the word I would use, but I do wish there was more gen out there. and that’s also something I’ve felt awkward about wanting in the past, because my early fandom years took place in a time where slash was much less of an everyday commonplace thing than it is now, and liking it was still a fairly controversial thing. the internet was a much more openly homophobic place than it is now. like, picture the purity police of modern day tumblr, but if they attacked any kind of non-heterosexual relationship as being sick and perverted and wrong. that was pretty much the general vibe. this was before AO3, and people who wrote slash often didn’t post it on ff.net and only posted it to their own private blogs and/or locked and moderated communities instead just so they wouldn’t be harassed. and there was absolutely no canon representation out there at all, or next to none. it was very much a “[rolls eyes] oh the yaoi fangirls are at it again” sort of thing where non-cishet relationships in fiction and fanfiction were at best not taken seriously at all, and at worst were treated with outright scorn and disgust.

and so like, with this being a common attitude at the time, I felt guilty for not always wanting to read slash myself. like, I don’t mind reading about romantic relationships at all, but for me there also has to be some other kind of element in play as well, or else it’s just not going to click for me. if a fic is just romance, just a lot of pining and slow burn stuff without anything else really going on in the plot, I just get bored and disinterested. I almost want to use the word tired, even though I’m not sure that makes much sense. I just can’t connect to the emotions, and so I disengage pretty quickly. and so I tend to steer clear of time-honored fandom staples like coffee shop AUs or And They Were Roommates, just because for me there’s rarely anything there for me to latch onto. I like angst, but I can’t relate to “so and so doesn’t feel the same way about me”, or “I want to be with them so bad but I don’t know how to confess”, or “they’re with someone else and it hurts like crazy every time I see them and know we can’t be together”, because none of those are emotions that I have ever personally felt, and I just can’t make myself feel them. what I can relate to are things like “this person makes me feel safe”, or “I feel a strong connection to this person”, or “I trust this person more than anyone else” because those feelings aren’t exclusively romantic in nature. I can relate to closeness and caring and love and affection and trust, but what I can’t relate to is the feeling of having a single person occupy all of your thoughts all the time, and very badly wanting to be the most important thing in their life as well, and feeling incomplete otherwise.

but anyway I spiraled away from the point I was trying to get to, which is that for a long time I actually felt guilty about feeling this way. because even though it’s rare to find fanworks where gen/platonic relationships are at the center, actual canon is chock full of said relationships. and so it’s like, what right do I even have to complain when I get to read all the time about so and so being friends, but the people who actually want them to be in a relationship in the actual canon so rarely get to see that actually happen. because that much has not changed in the past 20 years, even though society has become far more accepting of LGBTQ+ relationships. most canons are still far more likely to tease a non-hetero ship -- on purpose, even, hence why queerbaiting is a thing -- than actually commit to it. and so I often feel like I have no right to voice my desire for more genfic, because genfic has never faced the same kind of scrutiny as slashfic. gen has always been acceptable, and there is plenty of canon representation of platonic and non-romantic relationships, and so it’s not something I have any business whining about.

and even now I feel fairly uncomfortable voicing this lol. I write almost exclusively genfic myself, and up until very recently, I’ve always defined gen in my head as being just a lack of romantic or sexual content, rather than being its own distinct category. I think that’s one of the reasons it took me so long to realize I was aro (that, and I’d honestly never even come across the term until just a few years ago). for me, my lack of interest in romantic affection always felt more like a lack of identity rather than an identity in and of itself. I always felt like I was missing something. and for a very long time it never occurred to me that this might be a permanent thing; I just figured, okay, I just haven’t had this feeling yet. it just hasn’t happened for me yet. but eventually it would, and I just hadn’t met the right person, or whatever. but it was never anything I particularly wanted, and I never felt like I was missing out on anything by not having it. I never felt any kind of longing for it or felt incomplete without it. I was actually perfectly content!

but because society treats romantic orientation as the norm and places such a huge emphasis on it, I still had the uncomfortable feeling in the back of my head that if I never fell in love with someone and never wound up having a relationship with someone, my life would somehow be less meaningful and whole. like, we’re raised to think that romantic love is basically the pinnacle of the human experience, the purest and truest emotion that anyone can feel. and at the same time, there’s this idea that a life without that kind of love is just sad and unfulfilling and tragic. and so for a very long time my experience with my own aromanticism was characterized by me thinking of it as a lack of something that everyone else said was very important. and it took a long time to realize that that wasn’t the case, and that it was a valid orientation all its own and not just a matter of me being deficient in some way. and that was actually such a relief to finally come to terms with. I can be whole and complete on my own and still have a rich and fulfilling human experience even if I never experience romantic love, and that’s fine. I’m not missing anything. I’m not wrong for feeling like I’m not missing anything. it’s fine to be content with just me as I am. like, holy shit. and that was such a weight off my shoulders to finally get that.

I once wrote a fic which I was and still am very proud of. it was a genfic, and it had a really intricate plot with a big twist at the very end. and there was a ton of emotion in it, and it got very intense at times, because these were two characters who cared a lot about each other and would literally die for each other if they had to, and I’d put them in a situation where that possibility was very much looming over their heads at every turn. and I really put everything I had into trying to convey that kind of bond as strongly as possible. like I poured a ton of my heart and soul into that fic. and the responses were almost universally positive and kind and made me really happy.

there was one response though, that still sticks with me to this day. it was by and large very positive, just like the others. but it ended with a single sentence that, at the time, kind of just lowkey gutted me. Not gonna lie though, would have loved some slash in there.

like, that just cut me. way more than this person actually intended, I think. I’m pretty sure they just meant it as an offhanded comment, not even a concrit or anything. just “haha would have loved it if they’d kissed though lol.” but it stung. because this was something I’d put every ounce of emotion that I could conjure up into. and even though it wasn’t mean to be hurtful in any way, to me that comment read as “this is still missing something.” because there was no romance, the fic was incomplete. the characters’ feelings were incomplete. even though I’d struggled so much to convey all of these complex emotions which to me were so real and powerful, and even though the comment even acknowledged that I had by and large done so effectively, to me the single takeaway that stuck was that the feelings were less meaningful because there was no romance.

and that felt like a failing on my part. I even apologized for it. and here we are, ten years later, and that comment still pops up in my head any time I feel the urge to talk about a popular ship which I support but which I also enjoy as just a friendship. “just” a friendship. I still feel guilt over that. I still feel this urge to overexplain that I’m not trying to invalidate the actual romantic ship. I worry that I’d be perceived as ungrateful and/or a bad ally if I ever just came out and said “I wish there was more gen” like you were able to say so freely, anon. I worry about people getting offended if I were to say “I headcanon so and so as being aroace” because it might be viewed as an attack on their ships, or as latent homophobia, or something. like I have this paranoid fear that people might take it as me being puritanical and all “oh no, icky sex” or whatever, and so I end up just never bringing it up at all.

and that’s the thing about aromanticism, though; it’s so easy to just never talk about it at all, because for so many people it is just defined as a lack of something, rather than a something all on its own. it’s so easy for it to be something you just never bring up, and which just kind of quietly exists as the boring, bland, inoffensive yet uninteresting lack of a relationship; the default blank slate that most everyone is dying to fill in as soon as possible, except for you. and I’ve gone on thinking about it that way myself for so long that I’m still struggling now to sort out how to embrace it as an actual identity. it’s something I still have a lot of work to do on I guess.

anyway! so that all got very long and rambling and personal, far more so than I intended; clearly I have a lot of pent up thoughts and feelings about this lol. I guess I probably could stand to talk about it more, since the evidence would indicate that I clearly want to. but eh, baby steps. but anyways you are super valid anon and thank you so much for the love and comments. <3

#aromanticism #meta #aromanticism in fandom #personal #long post #ask #anon ask #hey um just an addendum this is a pro aroace post NOT an anti-shipping post #just to make that clear #like you can be for one thing without bashing the other #so if you want to reblog this that is awesome and I'm grateful #but please don't use it as a launching pad for any weird toxic 'shipping is bad' takes please and thanks

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ohnobjyx · 4 years ago

Text

A sudden snow storm

Part 2: March

(Okay, second time I’m writing this post, as soon as I finish it, I’ll post it).

Disclaimer: I try to keep things objective (if I include my personal opinion, it’s in cursive and in brackets), but I’m biased because of the XZ friendly content I’m usually exposed to and by my own views of their situation. Open to discussion, but please make sure you’ve enough information to do so.

First of all, let’s keep in mind that I present here a rather negative part of the C- society. That’s because we are placing a magnifying glass on a small part of the fandom, so by no means all C-fans are like this. These are all a minority.

However, in the midst of so negative things, we find the reason why I think XZ will overcome this. He is overcoming it.

Targeting his endorsements

So, taking it from the first part, antis and haters were furious because they believed that XZ’s Studio had paid w/ibo to take his hashtag down of the hot search list. Some of them started to say that the only acceptable outcome for them was that XZ retired from the entertainment industry.

That night, Olay was to air a livestream with a product that XZ was going to endorse, and antis realized that they had a new way to express their anger. They turned to the “live comment” option of the livestream and flooded it with hate comments about XZ. Their comments and their interventions during the event made it impossible to progress adequately, and the announcement of XZ endorsing the product had to be put off.

So when they realized what they could do, antis and haters started to announce that didn’t just reject the products endorsed by XZ, they also rejected the brands that worked with him. In the face of such controversy and boycott, more and more brands chose another spoke person temporarily for their commercials and banners, removing XZ’s from their websites. Some of the companies even terminated their contracts with him, fearing the boycott from the antis.

From March, the antis centered themselves around the topic “Not buying products XZ endorses”, making his value go downwards at least for that time.

Douban

By the 3rd day ao3 was down, the reality sank in and people turned to douban, were C/QL, The Joy of Life, Jade Dynasty were in the top 3, all of them series were XZ is lead actor or secondary actor. The antis placed bad reviews on each drama XZ acted in, to the point of bringing down the score of C/QL from 8’5 to 7’9 in a single day (we are talking of around 1′5 million reviews in total), affecting every project he has worked on since the beginning of his career as an actor.

Public scorn

XZ as well as XZ fans became the objective of public scorn. From the 1st of March, some of the accusers apologized for “the problems caused”, and the one that had led the report posted a public apology and deleted every post related to the reporting. However, it seemed obvious to the rest of the users that they were apologizing against their will, and that they still thought they weren’t wrong, but it was done in an effort to preserve XZ’s public image, as well as their own image as XZ’s fans.

The conflict ceased between XZ’s fans and cp fans, now uniting in an effort to do damage control. They agreed to bring down the tone of the discussion, and once things cooled down a bit, XZ Studio posted a public apology, asking people to support their idol rationally, to speak and act carefully, as well as saying that XZ was currently quarantined at home.

With the attention on the antis, they started to dig up the dirt of XZ’s fans. It’s a sad truth that some of his fans had taken sometimes unreasonable measures to give him the spotlight, such as:

Making him the center of attention in a tv drama in which another actor was the male lead. They took over the community in w/ibo and started to remove all of the other actor’s fans from the group.

Some fans attacked WYB, so XZ wouldn’t have to “share” his success from C/QL with him. They reported WYB for not having a “host degree” (whatever that is). This was shot down by a statement from Hunan TV, by the way.

(By the way, WYB’s antis also tried to attack him using this incident, saying that his company and he had paid millions to create the smear campaign against XZ, to bring him down so WYB wouldn’t have to “share” endorsements with him... but these were all deemed ridiculous by most people, and it is).

Attacking whoever says that they don’t have any interest in XZ’s works (a professor was asked to have a look at his works, and he refused, so XZ’s stans started to attack him).

(A lot of people resented XZ’s fans for the 2/27 incident, and wanted a scapegoat. You can’t chase hundreds of people on the Internet, it’s easier to make a celebrity your target, which also hurts the people who offended you in the first place. It’s a “you take away what I love, so I’ll hurt what you love” kind of thinking. However, “professional” antis... they have their own agenda, which I’m not completely sure of what it is).

XZ Studio’s apology didn’t do much and the drama continued to unfold. Maybe XZ’s Studio wanted to wait for the storm to pass, and since acknowledging the issue would give it importance, they waited until they couldn’t put it off anymore. I don’t know if this was actually right or wrong, but people weren’t satisfied with this apology.

XZ’s fans would try to argue with the antis, and thus keeping the image of obsessive fans, even if many of them were actually right.

Fanfiction writers, mostly from the BJYX fandom, would receive insults and attacks from antis and XZ’s stans still pursuing their original stance, so a lot of content has disappeared.

(To this point: I don’t like RPS. I don’t read RPS fanfics. I didn’t like seeing them and adjusted the filters in ao3 so I could only see fanfics from CQL. But attacking the authors this way is also terribly wrong).

To take responsibility

XZ had previously signed contracts with several companies, with WJJW being the main stockholder. Since he was under so many companies, none of them wanted to take responsibility of the incident and try to solve it. Thus, it was left to XZ’s Studio and his public relations team to try to fix this problem.

Investors, directors and brands’ representatives all thought that this would take at least half a year for XZ to recover from this blow. It also depends greatly on how his next work is received by the general public. He still has the support from his fans, but that alone wasn’t enough in the face of such boycott.

Though the reaction of the entertainment industry will be detailed below, it’s also noteworthy that in the first days, some people (the MC from his 爱不是si interview, a critic) posted that XZ should step up and say something about the matter. There were only a couple of cases, and the positive responses outnumbers them, but since they are public figures, it attracted a lot of attention.

(I’m not so surprised that they’d choose to side with the public opinion... but to add oil to flames like this doesn’t seem very kind to me. But, again, this a very competitive industry).

XZ’s fans public welfare project

So, in the midst of this situation, which was very serious at the time, XZ’s fans public welfare group was founded with the support of XZ’s Studio.

It served to contrast with the disruptive, obsessive behaviour of the sasaengs, and proved that idols can use their influence to unite a large group of people to serve purposes that are beneficial to the society.

It came in a “good” moment, because if nothing else, XZ can’t afford that the first that comes to mind to the general public when they see him or his fans is this small group of people, who are the representation of the worst part of fandom culture.

(Since this project has the support of his studio, he must know of it and must have given his approval. But he is not the one to actually initiate the project, that was a collective effort from his fans, to do welfare projects in his name. He collaborates with welfare projects, he has done it before, and did it again in June. This a reflection of a more positive part of fan quan culture, which will be explained in part 3).

However, because he was in the middle of great controversy and criticism, this move was also considered “hypocritical and insincere” by the antis. Nonetheless, the influence such a large group of people have is undeniable (in promoting local commerce in this case), and the local representatives thanked them for their support. They kept on with their projects these months, usually promoting agricultural products from impoverished provinces. They were also praised by the media for the results they achieved.

For those who are inclined to doubt whether this was a move to improve his image, here it’s a compilation of charity and public welfare projects that XZ’s fans pushed forward in 2019, collecting money for numerous projects and 620.000¥ as epidemic relief effort during the coronavirus period, that started in December 2019.

This group also became a source of controversy in later months. It seems some people will never be satisfied, no matter what we do.

Support

However, people did realize (I think) that most of his fans gives him support silently. There are of course fervent people who jump to defend him, but that kind of behaviour is discouraged by XZ’s studio (what I said in this post that ignoring the antis is the greatest way to defeat them).

When seeing those comments and false rumours from the antis, fans tried to contribute posting positive things they had seen XZ doing or remembering his gestures with the people around him. Even people who weren’t his fans, also supported him. For example, a lawyer analysed the incident and declared that the fanfic had indeed violated Chinese laws (for damaging his reputation).

(However, there is an opinion that I agree more with: not liking a content doesn’t give you the right to manage it. That’s the responsibility, the duty and the right of the platform that hosts it. If you find a content unsuitable for that platform, you can report it to the platform and they’ll take it down if it’s indeed unsuitable. But to report it to the authorities seems overdoing it for me).

And now, no matter how important it’s the support from his fans, fact remains that his fans are people who don’t know him personally. Fans only get to see his public persona.

So it was extremely important and a very good sign that people from inside the industry expressed their support.

People he had worked with (actresses, actor, directors) posted comments praising him or expressing their dismay for his situation. One of them praised him in a direct livestream. Later in May, a screenwriter and director also posted a bewildered comment of why he was being attacked like that (to name a couple of cases).

I think that this was essential to his “recovery”. It’s a true give away of XZ’s character that well-known people step up and speak for him, especially if we take into consideration that they are facing a group of unreasonable antis and a very competitive industry, where one down it’s one less to compete with.

(For transparency reasons: some of them would actually be benefited if XZ’s reputation is recovered, like his coworkers from OOL. This is also a dangerous move, because it may turn the antis’ attention on them. But it’s also true that there were people who were “neutral” to this: supporting XZ didn’t bring them any benefit in the short term).

It was also a good sign that while brands still avoided his image, tv programs didn’t shy away from his image. Happy Camp emitted a video in which XZ appeared, so fans interpreted this as a sign of silent support from the program and the tv channel.

This was also very important. There have been cases before, when an actor was being seriously criticized by the public, that tv stations refused to work with him. In the case that an episode had already been filmed, they used photoshop to erase his image and simply cut the episode so all of his interventions and interactions with other participants were deleted.

(To those who are curious, this man had been a very successful actor for many years. He’d been “happily” married and has a 20 years old son. But when it was revealed that he had been keeping a mistress for two decades, he fell out of public favor. Quick.)

(See that space there, between the girl with cargo pants and the man in blue suit? Such are the miracles of Photoshop.

We are talking here about a week’s time. The episode was filmed on Friday and due to be aired next Friday. His affair was found out that week. In less than a day, the post-production team successfully deleted his every trace in the episode. So, if they believe it necessary, they can be very resolute and decisive).

So if an actor has really committed a mistake, the entertainment circle will not hesitate to take away their support. It’s also a way to say that they disapprove of what that person did.

XZ’s very brief appearance in Happy Camp was an auspicious sign for his future, meaning that he will work again in the industry since tv stations don’t refuse to work with his image, and that his dramas will likely be aired in spite of everything (I’ve never been happier to be wrong, since I thought this would take longer to pass).

It was also positive that in spite of everything, the sales of the products he endorses remained high and in the lead, in March, and the trend continued all the way to July.

←Part 1: First snowflakes | Part 3: Why does it snow?→

#gg's situation #part 2 of 7 #my post

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bonsaiiiiiii · 4 years ago

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100 Weird AU's? Yes.

So, I had these AU prompts on my phone for quite a while, and I was actually thinking about using them. And what better way to do it than using them with the Tracy's?

Reading and reading these prompts again (and under the gentle guidance of @willow-salix ) I thought that these prompts doesn't exactly match the brothers' everyday situation, but what if we push it past its limit? Yes, biting more that you can chew can be a little difficult, but I don't think it will be impossible. And that's where this challenge is born!

Get the Tracy's out of International Rescue's bubble and let them live an everyday situation as normal people! They can also be medieval nobles or even futuristic robots, the choice's up to you! You can choose from soo many things others don't even think about (and not even me, for a while)!

Many thanks to @tag2060 for the cover and @willow-salix for the support (both emotional and 'fic-ical'. I love both of you💚

NOTE: THESE PROMPTS AREN'T ALL MINE. I TOOK THEM FROM A GIRL I'M NOT IN CONTACT WITH ANYMORE, BUT I WAS TOLD I COULD USE THEM. ALL CREDITS FOR THESE AU'S GO TO HER, WHATEVER IS HER NAME (lmao). THE GOLD MARKED ONES (7, 11, 20, 23, 39, 47, 63, 64, 70, 83, 89, 91, 93, 96, 100) ARE ALL MINE, IN SUBSITUTION OF A FEW THAT WERE THERE, SO CREDIT FOR THE GOLDEN MARKED ONES GOES TO ME, BUT NOT EVERY ONE OF THEM.

NOTE²: SOME OF THE PROMPTS CONTAIN STRONG THEMES, LIKE DEPRESSION AND SEXUAL CONTENT. IF YOU'RE SENSIBLE TO THESE THEMES, DON'T DO THEM, NOBODY FORCES YOU IF YOU DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ:･ﾟ✧(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ:･ﾟ✧(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

To participate in this challenge, all you have to do is take one of the AU prompts from the list, one or more (or all) Tracy characters, and post your fic (can be a ficlet, or a series) under the tag #100weirdTracys and #100weirdAUs.

If you don't want to participate, please don't harass/bully me. I made this challenge just for fun, and I don't want for it to feel like something bad. In fact, I don't even regret doing this thing, even if it's strange.

Ah, I almost forgot: this challenge will be over in December, so you have 4 months to choose a prompt and make a fic about it. On December I'll review all the fics, but I'll always be reblogging and reading during these 4 months lol.

If you want to tell me something, hit me up on DM's! I hope you have fun with those prompts and those bois!

(づ￣ ³￣)づ(づ￣ ³￣)づ(づ￣ ³￣)づ(づ￣ ³￣)づ

TO RESUME:

• Swearing is allowed.

• You can write as many words as you want!

• Oc's and muses can pop in too!

• Make sure to tag your fic(s) under the '#100weirdTracys' and '#100weirdAUs' tags, so that I can find them easily.

• Always tag or contact me if you need help with anything! I'll be more than glad to help you!

• If you decide to do the mature prompts (19, 90, just to state an example) please refrain from using a too mature language and don't go further than making up. I don't like that kind of language, so it would be peachy to just avoid writing so they make wild sex behind a bush. Any kind of very mature fic or language won't be read by me, I'm sorry. You can still use those prompts, but don't work their bed life too much.

• Any dialect or first language apart from english is more than welcome in this yard! I would love even to read snippets of foreign language in fics, as long as there's a translation near it, but you're not forced to write in another language. If you don't feel comfortable doing it just don't do it, even if I'm telling you. (For the record, I love Irish so much I could listen to a person speaking this language for hours and you won't hear me complaining).

• I will accept this challenge in whatever form it takes, be it a fic, a drawing, a song, etc. I’m open to anything and I watch everything that comes before me!

φ(．．)φ(．．)φ(．．)φ(．．)__φ(．．)

That said, you can find the prompts down here:⬇️

#1 I saved you from drowning!AU

#2 I broke into your house at two in the morning because I was drunk and I thought it was my house!AU

#3 I am a door-to-door seller please buy something!AU

#4 I grabbed the wrong luggage at the airport!AU

#5 I know we hate each other, but a wedding would be more convenient for both of us!AU

#6 I accidentally poured you a love potion!AU

#7 I sent you 12 messages but you left me on read!AU

#8 I am your secret admirer and I leave you anonymous cards!AU

#9 Sorry, but I was first in line!AU

#10 We don’t know each other but let's pretend to be together because someone is bothering me!AU

#11 We pack up to do a funny trip but we end up in Bolivia without fuel!AU

#12 Locked in quarantine and we're bored! AU

#13 I do everything to find out the identity of this superhero and you try to mislead me because it’s really you!AU

#14 I got into a taxi just to find out it was already occupied!AU

#15 I called the wrong number!AU

#16 I got into the wrong car OMG I'm ashamed, but while you’re there why don’t you give me a ride!AU

#17 I found a wallet and my business is to find the owner and return it!AU

#18 I am a street artist and you complain that I play in front of your house at night!AU

#19 I caught you watching porn!AU

#20 We're two strangers that start chatting while waiting for the bus!AU

#21 Nosy and sloppy roommates!AU

#22 Old childhood friends who come back after years!AU

#23 I got shot to the arm/leg but you're there to save me and OMG ILY!AU

#24 We’re sitting next to each other on a plane and please don’t throw up on me!AU

#25 We accidentally switched phones!AU

#26 We are both contestants in a reality show and let's pretend to be together because the audience will ship us!AU

#27 I am a wedding planner and my ex’s wedding had to happen to me!AU

#28 I learned sign language to communicate with you!AU

#29 Professional model and novice photographer!AU

#30 Sorry I ran you over!AU

#31 We make out and then I find out that you are my roommate’s boyfriend!AU

#32 I’m quoting aloud the last book of a series and I’m spoiling you!AU

#33 It is a universally acknowledged truth that a bachelor with a large fortune must be looking for a wife!AU

#34 I am a Partisan and you are a fascist!AU(Italy during World War II!AU)

#35 I am the blood of the dragon!AU (Iron Throne!AU)

#36 Your dog is hitting on mine!AU

#37 I’m depressed and I decide to call a hotline!AU

#38 You are my soulmate but I am in love with someone else!AU

#39 Strange encounter at tattoo shop!AU

#40 On my mark, unleash hell!AU(Roman Empire!AU)

#41 I am an Elf, don’t look at me for ears I am ashamed of!AU(The Lord of the Rings!AU)

#42 Maybe my life should be more than just survival!AU(The 100!AU)

#43 I am an activist and I am trying to convert you to the cause!AU

#44 We are occupying the school but you are a spoilsport!AU

#45 All our friends are drunk and we're not!AU

#46 We’ve been together for three months and now you’re telling me you’re a werewolf!AU

#47 X has to go into a rocket to the moon and Y has to train X!

#48 Knight in shining armor and damsel in distress!AU

#49 We reluctantly team up against the zombie apocalypse!AU

#50 I’m a vampire and your smell is driving me nuts!AU(Twilight!AU)

#51 Monsters have attacked the Earth and the only way to save humanity is aboard giant robots piloted by two people who must maintain a mental union!AU(Pacific Rim!AU)

#52 My timer stopped as soon as I saw you!AU(Soulmate!AU)

#53 I need a lawyer and you are the best!AU

#54 I’m a Viking and I plundered your ship!AU

#55 I’m a classic dandy from the Regency Age and you’re just a silly girl from the lower middle class!AU

#56 I’m a policeman and you’re an intrusive journalist and I really shouldn’t give you any information about the new murder!AU

#57 You are a wannabe actress and I am a theatrical director who is losing patience and health!AU

#58 Due to a computer error, X and Y become college roommates!AU

#59 X wants to see the world of Y, how he lives and what he usually does, and ends up spending a night in prison!AU

#60 I attend the yoga course just to watch how flexible the instructor is!AU

#61 I am a bounty hunter and you are my prey!AU

#62 I am a secret spy and pretend to be your friend only to get information about your father!AU

#63 I discuss with you about a thing but you have in mind another!AU

#64 We are forced to be best friends just because our moms were best friends too but you're too bossy for me!AU

#65 We broke up but I never changed emergency contacts and now I’m in the hospital and they called you!AU

#66 I am an angel and you are a demon!AU

#67 I hit you on the balls during a game of paintball and oh my god I am so sorry!AU

#68 We live in a dystopian world where your partner is chosen by society!AU(Matched!AU)

#69 I’m a dragon trainer I’ll prove to you that they are peaceful creatures!AU(Dragon Trainer!AU)

#70 Date at japanese restaurant!AU

#71 You’re a cheerleader and I’m a punk and we live in two different worlds!AU

#72 I was a zombie and I was "re-animated" but you treat me like I’m still a monster!AU(In the Flesh!AU)

#73 I am your son’s teacher and I am calling to talk to you about his conduct, would he also come to dinner with me!AU

#74 I am an Achaean warrior and you Trojan and we are fighting the Trojan War!AU

#75 I met my asshole boss at the bar but I found out he’s pretty cool!AU

#76 It was not my intention to touch your ass, it’s just that the bus is crowded, it’s not my fault ok!AU

#77 I went fishing and accidentally fished a mermaid!AU

#78 I just committed a crime and I need to use you as a hostage!AU

#79 You’re the bastard who always parks in front of my door and in spite I’ll scratch your car!AU

#80 I accidentally went back in time and fell in love with you, too bad you’re a barbarian!AU

#81 I urgently need you to fix my computer but please don’t judge me for my chronology!AU

#82 I work on the cruise ship where you are spending your holidays!AU

#83 I'm out in the rainstorm without an umbrella because the weather forecast was sunny!AU

#84 I hugged the wrong person from behind!AU

#85 Celebrity on the run and ordinary citizen confused!AU

#86 Stuck in a ranch cleaning horse poop but it doesn’t matter because that cowboy is a badass!AU

#87 We got married in Vegas, but we’re total strangers!AU

#88 But, officer, I wasn’t doing anything wrong, I was just smoking a joint, want a hit!AU

#89 X is an astronaut and Y is a weird but funny alien that likes to scream, overreact and laugh!AU

#90 I slept with you for a bet but I loved it and I’d like to keep seeing you!AU

#91 I reveal to some friends that you wear boxers/underwear with green aliens on them but you're behind me and oh gosh total shame!AU

#92 Oops I accidentally entered a busy dressing room!AU

#93 You're a stranger but I keep crossing paths with you and I'm kinda confused right now!AU

#94 X is a medium and Y a ghost!AU

#95 X is a guardian angel and Y wants to die!AU

#96 X accidentally enters in a cat and Y has to rescue it from up a tree!AU

#97 X risks losing the house because Y’s company wants to buy the land!AU

#98 I’m an artist and I need a model do you want to pose for me!AU

#99 I’m not really sick but the new doctor is so beautiful that I found out I have a disease with an unpronounceable name!AU

#100 A strange job application!AU

φ(．．)φ(．．)φ(．．)φ(．．)__φ(．．)

If you find them more practical, I also have some photos down here with all the prompts organized:⬇️

That said, enjoy! Hope it brings you joy and makes you happy while you do it!💙💚🧡💛❤💜💖🖤

#100weirdTracys #100weirdAUs #Thunderbirds are go #ThunderChallenge #Scott Tracy #Virgil Tracy #John Tracy #Gordon Tracy #Alan Tracy #oc's #muses #fic #drawings #first challenge ever!#enjoy!

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letterboxd · 4 years ago

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Natural Woman.

Filmmaking power-couple Julia Hart and Jordan Horowitz chat to Jack Moulton about exploring untouched female perspectives in genre films, a fateful viewing of Michael Mann’s Thief, the humbling magic of babies on set, and Letterboxd’s small role in their filmmaking process.

I’m Your Woman puts the gangster’s moll, a classically underwritten character, at the heart of the action. We barely meet the gangster himself in this taut, 1970s-set crime thriller from director Julia Hart and her co-writer and producer husband Jordan Horowitz. Rachel Brosnahan occupies a tense and unusual space as Jean, wife of Eddie, a no-good chap who turns up one day with a very young baby then abruptly disappears, leaving her to raise this unnamed child.

In other versions of the story, we’d follow Eddie to a guns-blazing conclusion, but this is a Hart-Horowitz jam, so we’re quickly on the run with Jean and the baby, and we stay with her. I’m Your Woman is a compelling, unsettling twist on the genre. “What impressed me most … was how well it keeps its cards close to the vest,” writes Mikey on Letterboxd. It’s also an empathetic portrayal of new-motherhood in all its exhausting confusion, where getting a baby clean, fed and sleeping is as much a priority as finding the next safe house. “Despite valuing tension quite highly, Julia Hart still has the wherewithal to let it sit in its more tender and thoughtful moments,” writes Paul. “The ending really sneaks up on you in terms of the specific feeling it elicits.”

Marsha Stephanie Blake and Rachel Brosnahan in ‘I’m Your Woman’.

Hart and Horowitz have children, aged two and six, who have grown up around film sets. Before becoming a filmmaker, Hart spent her days with other people’s kids as a teacher; her 2016 debut, Miss Stevens, stars Lily Rabe as a high-school educator, but her follow-up films have been wider-ranging, from Fast Color to this year’s Stargirl. Hart credits this genre-jumping to her absolute love of movies. “I don’t have a favorite genre. I love musicals, Westerns, crime dramas, coming-of-age movies, superhero movies. It was so fun getting to learn about how to create musical numbers in Stargirl and how to direct a car chase in I’m Your Woman.”

Horowitz, meanwhile, is known for producing The Kids Are All Right and La La Land. Yes, he’s the “Guys, guys, I’m sorry, no, there’s a mistake” guy. Horowitz is also a Letterboxd member, and a hunt back through his diary reveals the date he first watched Moonlight, along with his wholesome reviews of Julia’s films. “I always tried to remember to log my movies in so many different ways,” Horowitz explains, “and then once Letterboxd came out it was a very easy solution.”

Jordan Horowitz corrects that famous Oscar mix-up.

Horowitz keeps diligent lists of references for his upcoming films, years before they’re even announced. It’s here that the roots of I’m Your Woman are found, if you’re looking closely: a fateful viewing of Michael Mann’s Thief nearly seven years ago was the primary influence on I’m Your Woman, “especially Tuesday Weld’s character, and the moment where she is basically asked to leave the movie before James Caan burns everything to the ground,” he tells me. “Our hope with this movie was to follow some of the women in those movies that don’t necessarily get the spotlight and shift the gaze of the camera to follow this car as it drives away with her in it, instead of staying with the criminal of this movie.”

Hart picks up the thread, naming Diane Keaton in The Godfather, Ali MacGraw in The Getaway, Theresa Russell in Straight Time. “Those were interesting characters played by incredible actresses but they only have a handful of scenes so I loved the idea of exploring a woman in that world and time but telling the story through her perspective.”

Horowitz defines master filmmakers Sidney Lumet, Martin Ritt and Jonathan Demme as Hart’s “spirit animals”, for their humanist takes in multiple genres. A particular recommendation of a Lumet classic from an Amazon executive changed the way they looked at their writing. “Running on Empty has this great scene where they all sing [James Taylor’s] ‘Fire and Rain’ together. Originally in our script, the ‘Natural Woman’ scene was just [Jean] singing. After watching that movie it inspired us to consider what if the Cal character joins in with her? What happens to the moment if it becomes a bit more of a community moment?”

Bill Heck in ‘I’m Your Woman’.

When talking about their writing process, Horowitz admits that he always has his producer hat handy: “I’m never thinking about writing for the sake of writing. I’m always keeping how we make this thing in mind. Do we have too many extras? Is this location gettable? That can help me when we get into production because I’ve already considered some of those things, but I do wish sometimes that I could just sit down as Julia does and just write.” Once the duo makes it into production, Horowitz admits “[I] definitely put writer mode behind me, to the point where we’ll be on set and someone will ask me something about the script and I’ll be like ‘I don’t know, ask Julia’ and they’ll say ‘didn’t you write it too?!’”

However, Horowitz credits Hart as the “idea generator” of the two. The premise to have Jean struggling to connect with her adoptive baby was always part of the conception of the character, largely based on conversations Hart had with mothers, pre-lockdown. “It sometimes feels like Hollywood sees mothers as a monolith where there isn’t much nuance and subtlety, especially when it comes to negative feelings about motherhood, so they’re often shamed into not talking about them,” Julia laments. “It was really important for me to explore a side of motherhood that isn’t talked about as much and make sure that mothers know that they are seen and heard.”

The decision to have a baby (performed by brothers Justin and Jameson Charles) in almost every scene was a big risk, and not one Hart took lightly. “Movie people can think what they’re doing is very important, but there’s nothing more humbling than when you’re on a whole set with hundreds of people [and] you’re waiting for a baby’s dirty diaper to be changed. It made everything feel so real and immediate, so everyone on set really had to live in the moment and adapt. You prepare, and prepare, and prepare, but you have to throw out so much if the baby is sleeping instead of crying, or crying instead of smiling. I think it’s important to portray babies as real people, because as a society we often forget that.”

Lead actress Rachel Brosnahan came on as a producer many years after the script was already in Hart and Horowitz’s heads, but Hart explains that Brosnahan brought a history and interior life, “more in the wordless moments of acting than in dialogue itself.” Along the way, Jean meets Cal and Teri, who guide her to refuge. They’re the heart of the film, and Hart elaborates on their importance to the narrative: “they have been through the hell that Jean is currently going through and her circumstances force them to go through it again, but this time they have honesty, truth and love on their side. In watching Teri and Cal, Jean starts to understand what real love, family and support are.”

Rachel Brosnahan with director and co-writer Julia Hart.

When you examine Hart’s filmography, it’s impressive how productive she’s been in such a short time, releasing four films within five years, with those pre-schoolers under foot. Horowitz makes a comparison to a prolific filmmaker like Steven Soderbergh, who advises to “fail as fast as you can”. Horowitz acknowledges that “I don’t think we set out like, ‘we’re gonna have two children and we’re gonna make four films in five years.’ If we knew that we were gonna do that we would’ve said, ‘wow, that’s a little bit insane, maybe we shouldn’t do that!’” But they did, and the film world is richer for it.

We always like to ask about the film that made filmmakers want to become filmmakers, and Hart lands on All That Jazz. “I’ve always been a fan of Bob Fosse since his [early] work. How he turned moving your body in a way that people haven’t really moved their bodies before into an empire is very inspiring. [Roy Scheider] is also my favorite actor, which doesn’t hurt. He’s so good.” Horowitz, meanwhile, is a huge fan of Back to the Future. “That was the movie when I was a kid that just opened my eyes to the power of movies, to make you obsess and dream about what other movies could be.”

“I remember going with my parents to see Back to the Future Part II on the Friday night it opened and when we got there it was sold out. We saw some other movie, but I was so upset so all I was thinking about was Back to the Future Part II. As we were leaving the movie theater, I saw through the back little window of the screen where Back to the Future Part II was playing and watched the end scene where Marty is standing in the rain and someone comes and gives him a letter. I did not sleep the entire night. That feeling of anticipation and imagination defines the way I like to look at movies and the way they can make me feel.” A subsequent look at Horowitz’s Letterboxd diary reveals that this conversation perhaps inspired him to take a trip back in time the following day.

Related content

Jordan Horowitz’s list of research for I’m Your Woman

She did THAT!—A list of women who kill

Mothers, Mommy Issues, Moms, Matriarch, Grandmothers

Letterboxd’s Top 200 Crime Films

Disillusionment in Sun-drenched 1970s American New Wave Cinema

Follow Jack on Letterboxd

‘I’m your Woman’ is on Amazon Prime Video now.

#julia hart #jordan horowitz #i'm your woman #rachel brosnahan #crime film #crime thriller #gangster film #gangster's moll #marvelous mrs maisel #directed by women #female director #52 films by women #jack moulton #letterboxd #filmmaking

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myolivebranch · 3 years ago

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I am absolutely overwhelmed and genuinely overjoyed at the amount of encouragement and kindness people have sent me in comments on my fic. As I said before, I have been writing SC fic for months and have several in the works, but this is the first one I've shared and it's actually the first time I've posted anything to AO3 (and first time posting fic anywhere online in years). Thank you so, so much.

(The rest is under the cut because I had too many feelings)

I mentioned yesterday that I was obviously a little nervous about sharing for the first time in such a long time and the first time in this fandom and on this platform, and therefore only barely stopped short of pleading for feedback/comments/positivity. I was thinking if I was lucky I might get 3 comments, which would have been amazing - 3 whole people taking the time to say something nice and acknowledge that they'd read (and maybe even enjoyed) my fic would be really lovely and uplifting and encouraging.

I've had 24 so far, in less than 24 hours.

Honestly, waking up this morning to over a dozen comments (which I needed to review, because I'd been nervous enough to enable comment moderation, but will now forego it for next time) and seeing more come through during the day has been surreal, and so touching that I've been beaming and feeling quite emotional about it all day. I couldn't have asked for a warmer, more enthusiastic welcome to the incredible community of writers and readers of SC fic on AO3, many of whom I recognise from tumblr for their great commentary or beautiful gifs and edits. I feel really humbled that a lot of really talented people - and a lot of people who consume a whole lot of varied SC-related content by a range of creators - took that time to encourage me and say nice things about something I wrote.

I'm still very much writing fic for my own enjoyment (as everyone does! Plus I don't do well with pressure/expectations) but having this validation and welcome from the community as I make my first offering has been such a positive experience for me, and it just makes me more excited to share more work in future.

I don't know if it's normal/expected to reply to each individual comment - I feel a little weird about artificially inflating the number of comments on the work, is that ridiculous? Probably. It's just a number. But also I overthink and get awkward/flustered over things like messaging and replying to people so I think I'll leave it at least for the moment? But every single message has been read and literally squealed over, because I know every one of them came from an individual person who read and enjoyed something I wrote and that I was nervous about sharing. The comments that picked out a quote/section of dialogue, or the comments that expressed a similar general interest in stories around that episode/arc, and the comments that said welcome or thank you or well done for posting my first fic - all of these meant so much to me.

So thank you to everyone who commented, and to everyone who left kudos too, because I know commenting can be difficult sometimes or you don't have time or don't know what to say, but I see those usernames that left kudos and again I am just blown away by the knowledge that those are all individual people who read what I wrote and liked it enough to press a button to tell me so - I appreciate it so, so much. You've made me feel welcome and worthwhile and included, and that means the absolute world to me. Thank you <3

#I have written so much and repeated myself a lot here so I'm going to stop #I wish I knew how to describe how wonderful and generous this community is; THANK YOU #schitt's creek fic #ao3 #sc #personal #my fic updates

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neverheardnothing · 4 years ago

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The Black Suits song ranking

Happy (late) Black Suits Day (eighteenth of September) y'all! Not that anyone asked but I have decided on my personal Black Suits song ranking. As always, I am very correct with my Joe Iconis music takes and will accept no criticism. Also I'm talking about 2013 here. Love yourself (and the work) and listen to 2013 instead of 2012 for better audio quality and a tighter book.

Spirit Song - I don't think anyone is surprised this is my top ranked song lol. "A melody only exists when someone hears, and the number one thing that I've learned through all my years. The fans and the family make the music strong, and the cheering is just as important as the song!" As Will describes it, it's a love letter to audiences (hey, that's me!) and when I listen to this song I'm always reminded of how much Joe believes in the message of this song, that the audience is part of the show.

Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang - [Joe Iconis voice] the language of the show. A lot of this list was influenced by not only how much I liked the song but by how well the songs functioned as extensions/expansions of the scene and the believability of that character singing the song. To me Bangx5 is one of the ultimate examples of this. The lyrics "there's a heavy metal hole where a soul used to be" like that's SO teenage angst and overdramatic just like Chris is supposed to be in this moment. I remember when I first heard the song I was like "is that it? Simple repeated [I am ___] lyrics for your act 1 finale? Seems a bit underwhelming even if it musically goes hard" but then after like another listen through of the show or so I realized that was the intention. When you're seventeen or so and you feel like your world is crashing down around you, sometimes the only way you can articulate it is "I am white boy rage, I am in a cage, I am bang bang bang bang bang bang bang." You are bang, you are loud crashing noises, your emotions are too loud and intense to be described with your limited vocabulary but you try anyways and fail. I love the contrast of the lyrics "I am chew my pens" and "I am hurt my friends" right next to each other. And the harmony at the end? Chefs fucking kiss.

Amphibian - This song is so goddamn fun. Like honestly. That’s it. Nato is chilling by himself and makes up a song about himself and his frog and it’s the best goddamn time in the show. You really get the feeling like these characters are actually friends. I love the “idiot” Nato vs “smart” Brandon. The “who cares about Beethoven. It’s a movie about a dog” joke never fails to make me laugh. When Brandon is expecting a regular bridge to the song and Nato whips out the falsetto and he goes “oh my God” like. Peak comedy here. And also Will Roland doing That? I’m in awe. Like this is what The Black Suits (the band) is, friends hanging out and having fun with music, that makes the next scene when the band formally break up so sad.

It's All Good - “So we’re cool and whatever?” It’s such a teenage boy thing to say. Like you want to acknowledge that you guys have been through something but at the same time you want to undercut it so you don’t run the risk of seeming too openly emotional. I’m also only very slightly bitter about that review that was like “oh wait so the only stakes of this show is the battle of the bands?” Like hello? Did you not see the show or listen to a single second of the finale? It’s about the way these characters communicate in their kinda inadequate ways and how they use music to express themselves. In a way it’s classic, cliche musical theater 101, with the characters unable to say what they feel with plain English so they resort to music, but of course with a Joe Iconis twist. The stakes aren’t the fucking battle of the band, it’s the friendship between the boys. It’s literally so obvious I want to scream. Anyways this song is fantastic way to end the show.

Car Ride To Long Beach - That's right. Car Ride To Long Beach is 5th place. I'm only very slightly bitter about the review that was like "is fried chicken REALLY the deciding factor in going on a drug run?" And by slightly bitter I mean this person goes on the list of people I want to beat up for being so fucking wrong about a Joe show. No, you fucking fool, that's not actually the deciding factor. She's at least on the fence, if not already secretly decided yes, about it from the moment he asks. It's about the company, it's about the road trip, it's about breaking the rules after having been "good" for so long. I am so adamant that this song is about desire and thrill and guilt and wanting to be seen for who you are and not just John saying obscene things. Like take the dialogue exchange right before she finally vocally says yes. "What do I look like right now?" "Uh. You look like... Lisa?" "... Alright let's go." Like tell me that does not drive you fucking crazy after Lisa's constant questions about others perception of her and trying to figure out who she is herself. Car Ride To Long Beach is good you guys are just mean.

Social Worker - Another example of an incredibly fitting character song. The refusal and reluctance of a teenage boy to admit that he actually needs or gets mental health help. I love the music-ification of a panic attack as loud drums and electric guitar. "I don't really go to the social worker," he says, as he goes to the social worker. It’s truly hilariously, heartbreakingly fitting for his character.

The Answer - When that Things To Ruin reviewer said Joe is a master of putting commonly shared moments to music no one else has done before, they were right. Who HASN’T taken a test and failed it so utterly they started questioning their entire life and worried for their future before? I love the repeated lyric questions like John is sitting there reading the question over and over trying to figure out what the answer is. I love the synthy keyboard. Fantastic choice @ Charlie Rosen.

Band-Aids and Cigarettes - Oh this song is so good I feel guilty about putting it at 8. It’s like honestly heartbreaking, not being able to give what the other person needs and being aware of it. And the unconventionality of it being sung by the mentor character instead of a love interest or something.

The Feeling (Part 1 and 2) - Yeah I’m combining them into one song and also assuming the entire beach/Chris & Mrs. Werring conversation is part of the song, too, with the interlude of the “I just want something good to happens.” This song is a jam, plain and simple. I love the absolutely terrible advice that Mrs. Werring gives Chris. “You got to push all your worries inside of yourself, and then they’ll mix creating a combustible boom.” Awful! But Annie Golden sings it so well. And it makes Band-Aids and Cigarettes later that much more sad. In part 2, I love how interconnected the two conversations are. “Just breathe them in -> I love the beach.” The synchronous “I don’t even remember why I liked him/her in the first place.” The score here having the Spirit Song melody. Also now feels like a good time to bring up my Lisa Bred is nonbinary headcanon (though it’s practically textual canon) with “I’m not a girl, I’m a song.” Like that right there, she literally states she’s not a girl, and that’s just the most obvious part. Twice before now, she’s asked people about how they perceive her (“what do I look like right now?” “my girlfriend?” / “Lisa”) and her arc in this show up to this point is discovering more about herself and trying new things. She’s aware of societal gender norms (“isn’t that what boyfriend girlfriends are supposed to do?”) and how she doesn’t really fit in with them. She’s experimenting with expressing herself (dyeing her hair blue, photography). Like it’s all right there. I don’t know if Joe was intentionally writing a nonbinary character figuring herself out but that’s what I get when I read the text straight. In Lisa’s mind, John is one of the gateways to trying new things (“you give me this feeling”) and then that blends right into the rest of The Feeling and it’s so fucking GOOD. I love this song.

Blue Hair - The OG Joe Iconis viral song! I love the music song of this song so much, specifically the guitar/piano riff. I love the multiple sources of motivation of doing it, from actually wanting to try something different, to getting a reaction from Chris and John, even if she denies that last part. And then again at the end of the song with her self-awareness. She’s doing something to stand out/express herself! I love it.

Nato's Song - A six minute clusterfuck of a song and it’s beautiful. Sticking to the actual Nato stuff right now, I think it’s a pretty clever way of passing time and seeing how it’s affecting him and everyone else in the show. With the interspersed content of other characters, it really is the musical equivalent of a film montage. I love seeing Chris’ further breakdown in the form of voicemails to his dad. The music of Blue Hair, Old Records, and Rather Be coming back is fucking great. Everyone is just struggling in this song and it’s great.

Rock 'N Roll Band (Reprise) - I love this re-introduction song so much and the differences between it and the original. I love the chaoticness of the solos all going at the same time. I love the cut Geek Rock Garage King still making in into the show as Brandon’s bridge and how out of place it is with the rest of the song musically but yet it’s still in it. I love the a capella break with Mrs. Werring cheering them on.

Old Records - The fact that John plays the guitar as Chris sings it for someone to hear is so good. When he gets affirmation that John likes the song, he continues. And it’s only after being called out about his writing revealing things about him that Chris feels bad about the song again and claims that they were just dummy lyrics. Once John leaves the backing music comes back on like glockenspiel or something and I love the lightness of it combined with the electric guitar that comes in after.

Black Suit On - I know we’re at like 3/4ths through but I honestly love this song. I love all the songs so much. This ranking honestly barely matters because I love all the songs in this show. I love the (unrealistic) idea of finally being able to be your best self, of all your problems going away, if only something symbolic but ultimately inconsequential thing were to happen. It’s about the (shared) vision for a different future than the one you’re currently living! (By the way I am so haunted by Jen Tepper saying this song was actually about LIHN. Like does anyone know what that means? Do I fundamentally misunderstand this song or LIHN? I don’t get the connection.)

Lisa - Once again, the relatability. Who hasn’t felt like they were good enough for another person? I love the specificity of the AOL verse. It’s so late 2000s. And the rest of the lyrics are so angsty and overdramatic as John is. Specifically in the context of the show this song really hurts after Lisa tells him she can’t fix whatever issues are wrong with him.

Rock 'N Roll Band - I love how the entire song is so what teenagers going through school, waiting for life to change, and seeking refuge in the only place where they feel like they are important and can be themselves. I love all their intros. I love Brandon going way too hard on the drums. “I’m gonna scream and shout, knock you out. I’m gonna conquer the world, get the girl. I’m gonna get some respect, finally connect. When I take a stand, with my rock ‘n roll band.” The extreme vividness of the type of stuck they feel here is so good and it’s a good summary of the show.

Pop Tarts - I love that this song is still called Pop Tarts despite all references to it having been removed except for one dialogue. I love the section of Chris’ vision for the band. The pre-reprise of the beginning of It’s All Good with “we’re cool and whatever?” and all of them joining in and getting on the same page. We love some boys just absolutely barely capable of communicating with each other with words.

Song In My Head/Only Person In The World - The absolute irony and poetry of John singing “I’m the only person in the world” and Chris singing about how everyone is gone when this is a duet. It’s literally so fucking good. When they both sing “I’m the only person in the world” at the same time? Are you kidding me? And this song is ranked 18th? Truly every song in this show is top tier.

Rather Be - This song is rather on the nose in its message, everyone would rather be at band rehearsal. It’s a solid song that helps us get into each of their characters more (“rather be where my buddies / now the same bands / and tolerate my drum fills” / “where my brothas like that I’m weird / and ask to see my squid impression” / “because we’ve only got a little while to get fantastic and get some style / if we do it soon then I won’t have to go to college” / “christ I’d rather be anywhere / but sitting trapped here taking this asshole test”). I love it when characters in shows all have different reasons for singing the same lines.

McFly Is Looking For A Drummer - Rip to this song, being ranked last. It’s not that I don’t like it because I actually do. Again, I just love all the songs in this show. He’s trying to communicate in his own way, which happens to be in music references, but that’s not how other people around him understand, and so he sees this opportunity to be with people who are more like him, but then he he gets scared that he wouldn’t fit in the way he hopes he would, which would be even worse than where he’s currently at where he knows that they don’t quite get him but are his friends anyways. I love that one moment where he drops out singing. It’s very reminiscent of in Michael In The Bathroom when you expect him to sing the title words but he doesn’t, so your brain fills it in for you. It functions a bit differently than that moment does in BMC though. I think in this song it’s the comparison of how he’s currently treated with the possibility of what McFly represents, that he could have the exact opposite experience there, that he’s imagining all the possibilities in that moment. Lol, ranked 20 and I still have so many things to say about this song.

#teresa talks #the black suits #tbs #my posts #long post #i s2g i am so goddamn full of joe iconis lore and thoughts about his shows that it's Concerning #also lisa is nonbinary like that literally Is the surface level reading of the text i cant believe no one ever talks about that #by the way im being sarcastic about Being Right on all my takes if you cant tell except the one about car ride to long beach im dead fucking #serious about that one. insult this song and ill end you #and i choose to read the 'punk-y not lesbian-y' line as in de-bi-al (in bi denial)#and for real start listening to 2013 over 2012 i promise the ben platt isnt worth all that much #i am Struggling on this post sorry if u keep seeing me post it and delete it lol #this one stays up for real tho idc if theres any problems with it #edit: motherfucker it doesnt show up in the black suits tag lol #also i dont go on stan twitter if nonbinary lisa is a stale take im sorry ive never seen it here tho

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malefiquinn · 4 years ago

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My Cyberpunk 2077 review

I finished the game last night and I have Feelings™ about it, so here goes my review. While the heavy spoilers (ending related) will be hidden under Keep Reading, I might mention some minor ones here and there, so read at your own risk.

Let’s get the Big Thing out of the way first: yes, the game is buggy af. The good news is most of them are visual bugs, so while annoying, they don’t really matter gameplay wise. But I did have to reload an earlier save file two times to get rid of gamebreaking bugs, both messing with main story quests. It was frustrating. And nevermind the times my car got destroyed because the game suddenly realized there were two cars occupying the same space. However I did manage to finish the game and make the choices I wanted, so it wasn’t that bad either.

My biggest complain is the blantant transphobia shown in the character creator. I know Claire exists and she’s awesome and I love her, but the cc options are just not inclusive enough. What’s the point of having them if you can’t use them anyway? Linking V’s pronouns to voice types makes absolutely no sense. And not being able to remove breasts from the female body type (or put them in the male body type) rubs me the wrong way as well, though I understand that it would involve a lot more animation work. Lastly, having body type-dependant hair styles is just plain inexcusable when the devs took the time to design genitals that are just not shown past the character creator (unless V walks around naked, I suppose). So, why bother having all these ✨choices✨ when the player can’t get a good, accurate customization anyway?

And it gets worse if we talk about romances. Real people have specific tastes and that’s completely understandable, but real life has a lot more than 4 choices in total. More importantly, bisexual people are a thing? There should have been at least one female and one male bisexual romance options in game. So to make it al worse, the constraint in gay romance options is... awful. Why have 3 types of gender-related customization if you can’t use them if you want to romance someone? I’m a cishet female who plays as a cishet female first if given the option, but I’m still bothered for the queer community (which I’m still part of btw, since I’m in the ace spectrum). It feels like being trans is more of a fetish in Night City than a real trait.

Speaking of romances, I played River’s and I found it... bit of a lackluster. I don’t find him physically attractive (shaved head and no beard are not my thing) but his voice was pretty nice and I liked his personality despite being a cop. But the main downside was the way the game treats his romance. I knew I wasn’t going to get a BioWare-style romance, but V’s relationship with River was like a sidenote and once he’s romanced, there’s just no way to interact with him again. That perhaps is the same for the other romances but there’s no replayability, in a sense that there’s no way to talk to/kiss him again or replay the sex scene, for instance. It bothered me that the game forces V to say that “she’s too busy” and apologize to her boyfriend all the time, because *I* would’ve made time to visit if there was ingame acknowledgement of it. The worst bit is that I feel like River’s romance is the least polished of them all, because Panam and Judy play important roles in main quests and Kerry is pivotal to Johnny’s sidequests, while River is... just there (also more further on, regarding the ending). So the fact that he’s like the forgotten child in the romance section while being the only cishet female option is heartbreaking.

The silverlining is that, at least, the mistreated community was het females instead of gay females. Although, this is just another example of game devs thinking about male players first.

Now the good part: what I liked

The cars. I’m not a car enthusiast, I don’t enjoy driving in real life and I’m a terrible driver in games, but I fucking loved the cars in CP2077. The Caliburn was like my game baby, I had so much fun driving around and hearing the different engines for each car, and the differences in driving... it was awesome. I got and bought *all* the available cars for the sake of it, just because I liked them so much.

The story. I love games that get me invested and this one was definitely one of those. Falling for Jackie when I knew he was not gonna be around for long was an expected, but still perfectly excecuted punch to the gut. And Johnny’s guidance and company was something I was hyped about, but still played out even better than I though it would. So to my next point, Keanu Reeves. I was thrilled to play a game with Keanu in it and it blew my mind. Those reviews that pinpoint Keanu’s acting as the weak link in the game are fucking wrong, how else you expect to see (and hear) an angry, resentful man permanently stuck in time? Even worse, when he knows the people he hated the most managed to kill him? I wasn’t happy when I learned Johnny was not a romance option but after meeting him, I’m glad that’s the case. He’s the perfect antihero-turned-best-friend for V, if you can stand him.

Stealth and hacking. Most of the time I choose the option to play stealthy and this time it wasn’t just that, it was the option to use futuristic technology at the same time. I LOVED it. Quickhacking enemies instead of shooting them is so much fun. Enemy detection is a bit wonky at times but still, I enjoyed it much better than if it had been a plain shooter. And those guns with homing shots are so cool that I wanted to play them over sniper rifles, my usual go tos.

The characters. I got invested in V’s relationships, even if the romantic aspect wasn’t as great as it could’ve been. Friendship with Kerry and Panam, clousure for Judy and Rogue, mourning Jackie, being part of River’s family, so many the fixers in existance... and Johnny, my bff Johnny. Even Alt, with her somewhat little role, was great. I was promised a compelling story and deep characters, and I did get both.

The soundtrack. Overall it’s pretty great, but my favorite songs are those related to Samurai. And it’s not even because of my love for Johnny, I really do enjoy them for their musical content. Unironically my all time favorite is Johnny’s as well, Never Fade Away. I won’t exit a car or open the menu when that song is playing.

The easter eggs. From GlaDOS and Silence of the Lambs in the Delamain quests to the Matix-esque pills of the main storyline, to Hideo Kojima and the BB in a lab, “Harvest like a Reaper” and the many “You’re breathtaking!” references (Kerry’s take was my favorite), the game presents A LOT of pop culture nods and I’m here for it. Having real life content creators around for several levels of cameos was a nice touch as well.

So without mentioning the heavy spoilers (aka ending), in my opinion, Cyberpunk 2077 deserves a 9/10. Bugs are fixable and the story and characters carry the game on it’s own because they’re just too good. The main story is kinda short and I believe Johnny’s sidequests should be part of the main story, but I get why they are not mandatory if you want to roleplay a full on dislike towards the rockerboy. But still, there are some things related to gender and romance that are complete misfires. I hope that some of those will be fixed via patches (the character creator bits), but the lack of more romance options or at least bisexual NPCs obviously won’t be fixed and that’s what keeps CP2077 away from a perfect score in my book.

Now, regarding the endings:

The one thing that truly bothered me was that the Rogue one had no real goodbyes for V. She goes into a suicide mission in space and everyone’s post-credit messages complain she just disappeared without a trace? I get she’s dying and all, but, for fuck’s sake leave a message explaining it if you cared so much about them. The game *makes* you care about the characters but doesn’t give you an option to honor that love at the end.

Also, again, romances. I played both Rogue and Panam’s endings so I know there’s no way to have a happy ending with River, which is bittersweet and probably for the best that it happens with him since his romance seems to be the least engaging, but again that makes me feel cheated. Not that they parted ways in the Nomad ending (that was sad, but sad endings are not bad), but that there is no happy-ish ending romance wise for a cishet female. People who romanced Panam obviously stay together with her and those who romanced Judy do too from what I’ve read (and no idea about Kerry’s romance), but not getting that option if you choose to be female and go for a het romance takes away from the game. Sadly. Also my last interaction with River in Rogue’s ending was fucking terrible, I liked how poetic that ending was for Rogue and Johnny until I got to the rest of my V’s life.

(But I still headcanon that River eventually joined V with the Aldecaldos in my canon ending, aka the Nomads’, despite what he said. Since his post-credit message implies he might visit her and stuff.)

As for the rest of the ending... CP2077 clearly states that life isn’t happy and that there’re no happy endings for people who live in NC, so I like that no ending is completely happy since you are bound to die anyway, but. But. It’s somewhat disheartening that the overall arc can be resumed to “all that you did served for nothing, you’re still dying so your efforts were absolutely useless.” I really don’t see how to improve it without defaulting to a happy, sunshine-esque ending that fixes everything, so I don’t know. It still wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear at the end, so... I liked it but didn’t, at the same time. Ha.

And lastly, I hoped for endgame playability and there is none, you have to revert to an earlier save to keep playing. I get why it wasn’t done, to give a definitive end to V’s story in NC, but anyway. What I really liked about this choice was that no matter the ending, V becomes no one again. They will be forgotten by most people after a while either because they leave with the nomads or because they ‘disappear’, aka die in a blaze of glory in that casino in space. Or well, sell their soul to Arasaka or commit suicide on the rooftop.

So overall, I loved this game and critics are somewhat too harsh. But I agree there are some terrible design choices and a long way of bugfixing to get to the specific masterpiece that we were hoping for.

#cyberpunk 2077 #personal #ivy 'v' kerrigan #since she's in the pic #my v

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swtorpadawan · 4 years ago

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Tales from the Eternal Alliance : Perspectives

Author’s Notes: The following takes place prior to my Awakenings series.

In the weeks following the fall of the Eternal Empire and the final destruction of Valkorion, the Eternal Alliance finds itself ascendant, unquestionably holding the balance of power throughout the galaxy. The ships of the Eternal Fleet, formerly a symbol of destruction and oppression, now deliver relief supplies and transport refugees to safe havens throughout known space. Alliance operatives and expeditions journey from planet to planet, negotiating agreements, resolving disputes and providing assistance of all kinds where needed. More recruits continue to sign up on Odessen every day, while the base continues to receive a stream of envoys and overtures from countless planets and factions seeking alliances, aid and support. Perhaps never in galactic history – even at the mythical founding of the Galactic Republic – had there ever been such a diverse collection of talented and dedicated individuals serving under one banner. There are, of course, internal tensions and disputes. But these are resolved with surprising efficiency, as the Alliance’s seasoned core of leaders and officers demonstrated an esprit de corps that has proven unbreakable, even when the entire Eternal Empire had descended upon them.

Morale, naturally, is at an all-time high. The people who join the Alliance want to be there. The Alliance doesn’t ask people to change who they are. It merely asks them to ally with people who are also fighting for something better.

It was in these golden days that the Alliance Commander’s closest allies noticed that the one person in the entire organization who did not seem to be reveling in this upswing of enthusiasm was the Alliance Commander himself.

Corellan Halcyon had gone by a great many appellations throughout his career, including the Outlander, the Battlemaster of the Jedi Order and the Hero of Tython. He still goes about his duties without complaint. He is up early every morning, training in either lightsaber dueling, distance running or both. When he is focused on a mission or engaged in combat, he is as unstoppable as ever, perhaps even more so. He attends the meetings that Lana Beniko and Theron Shan schedule for him. He dutifully reads each report his advisors give him, acknowledges every message or memorandum and seeks the advice of his advisors regarding most decisions of policy.

He still inspires the personnel of the Alliance by his mere presence. A smile and a greeting convince nearly everyone that he is in good spirits. To most of the rank and file – the troops, the crews, the vast numbers of specialists and support personnel – he’s still the unassailable Alliance Commander. Invincible. Fearless. Driven. Somewhere along the road, the Commander learned how to speak to people. How to lead and inspire them. Those skills serve him well, here more than ever. They flocked to his banner for hope, and he has delivered victory.

Nevertheless, the Commander is… listless. Distracted. Without true direction. The drive that powered the Alliance through its rebellion against Zakuul’s reign is often absent. Those who’ve noticed cover for him as best they can, but among them there are a variety of perspectives.

T7-O1, Corellan Halcyon’s loyal astromech droid, has famously been with him since the beginning. Surely if anyone knows what troubles the spirit of the former Jedi Master, it would be Teeseven, the first companion.

These days, the droid is by his side almost constantly, even residing in his quarters when the Commander sleeps. Teeseven keeps his schedule, making sure he makes his appointments. He still joins him on many missions, either in the field or monitoring communications. The droid tracks his performance, his memory banks remembering virtually every lightsaber maneuver Corellan Halcyon had ever performed. Teeseven writes his speeches, an old talent the droid is happy to make use of again. They’re still a great team, as they were back when they were fighting flesh raiders on Tython when they’d first met.

Most nights, after withdrawing to his quarters, Commander will ask Teeseven to help him review everything they’d been told that day, to make sure he hadn’t missed anything. But some nights, the Commander will load up a map of the known galaxy on his holo-display and stare at it for an hour or longer. Teeseven will finally nudge Corellan silently in the leg, and he’ll sigh and rise to his feet, shutting off the display and then retreating to his bed to attempt to get a decent night’s sleep.

It is Teeseven who notes that Corellan rarely visits their old freighter, even though the ship is sitting unused on the landing pad and had been their home for nearly five years. He doesn’t share this observation. He also doesn’t share with anyone that he wakes the Commander each morning with an alarm. Or that he keeps the Commander’s schedule carefully, making sure that nothing relevant is missed. Or that he’s been tracking Corellan Halcyon’s intake of alcohol and has “advised” him more than once that he’s had enough.

(It isn’t a problem. Yet. The ex-Jedi is too disciplined to fall into that trap all at once. But Teeseven is determined that it doesn’t become an issue.)

Teeseven knows he can’t give his friend everything he needs. He knows that he is a constant reminder of the Commander’s past, and that’s not always a good thing. But he’s determined he will be part of his friend’s future, because despite everything, Teeseven knows that he’s a reminder of the promises Corellan has made. To his friends. To the galaxy. To himself.

And that most definitely is something he needs.

Shae Vizla, who will be known to history as Mandalore the Avenger, never thought she would find another warrior worth following into a war. Not after her experiences with Darth Malgus and the death of Mandalore the Vindicated.

And if someone had told her she would find such a warrior, she would have been incredulous to learn that the individual in question was a former Jetii – a Jedi. Unbelievable. But the death of her brother was decades ago, and even a Mandalorian’s vengeance eventually cools.

One night, at Vizla’s invitation, the Outlander ventures alone to the Mandalorian campsite near the base. There, around the bonfire, he addresses the Clans that have followed Vizla and the Alliance up to this point.

His fluency in Mando is not strong, but he makes the attempt. That impresses them. The Sith and their Imperial lackies rarely made the effort. He does not offer platitudes about peace, but instead offers them a battle that will never truly end. He tells the Mandalorians that they can adapt to a purpose that would make them stronger – a cause worthy of warriors – without abandoning who they were or losing their traditions. He speaks of serving as Cabure – as defenders – not for politicians (as the old Jedi had) but for people.

He expects to be challenged and is not disappointed. He faces his foes as a warrior, fighting according to Mandalorian traditions. He prevails, but he does nothing to dishonor his opponents. He spares those he defeats and, as he once did with Vizla herself years earlier on Rishi, he helps them to their feet as friends.

When it is over, the Clans chant his name over and over. They will follow this Outlander and his Alliance unto death. Vizla herself now presents him with a rare gift; a pair of beskar'gam bracers, one of the last few examples they had of true Mandalorian iron. Honored, he gratefully incorporates these bracers into his uniform; the one inspired by the dead Prince of Zakuul.

He will always be aruetii; never a true Mando. But to Shae Vizla and her followers, he is nevertheless alor. A leader.

In the weeks that follow, when the Mandalorians witness the Commander gazing up at the horizon at length, they whisper to themselves in anticipation that he is foreseeing the next great conflict. The next enemy. The next challenge.

Shae Vizla is less certain. She remembers Malgus. She knows great warriors tend to have great weaknesses. She knows that even Mandalorians take off their armor eventually.

She doubts she’s ever seen the Commander without his armor on.

But she is Mandalore, and she stands ready to lead her people into battle when needed.

Vette decides, all on her own, that it’s going to be her job to hand the Commander his cup of caf when he enters the war room each morning.

No one ordered this. No one even suggested this. She’d probably have rolled her eyes if they tried. This is all her.

The Commander saved Vette’s life from Vaylin’s troops during the Battle of Odessen. She’d come closer to dying that day than at any other moment in her life. The debt she owed him was one she doubted she could ever repay.

What kind of ‘thank you’ gift do you even get for the man who has everything but never seemed to want anything?

Up until that point, Corellan Halcyon had pointedly obtained his own caf at the station in the war room, taking it black without sweetener, and usually drinking only a single cup for a full day. (Vette, who piles on creamers and sweeteners and drinks several servings a day, finds that ridiculous, but she knows he used to be a Jedi, so maybe that’s what was going on? Doesn’t matter.)

So one morning, Corellan Halcyon, Commander of the Eternal Alliance, entered the central hub of the Alliance base, Teeseven following alongside him, when he was promptly presented with his cup of caf by a grinning Twi’lek.

The Commander was surprised and a bit embarrassed, thanking Vette and accepting the cup but insisting that it really wasn’t necessary.

Vette promptly did the exact same thing the following morning, again flustering the young Commander.

On the third morning, Vette tried to repeat it a third time, only to be approached from behind by Corellan Halcyon, caf already in hand. His smile isn’t exactly smug, (Corellan Halcyon doesn’t do smug.) but he did seem content at having obtained his own cup of caf. Confused, it took Vette most of the morning to work out that the Commander had gone out of his way by circumventing the entire base to approach the hub from the opposite direction from where Vette was waiting for him.

After that, it was on.

Each morning, the former Jedi and the former professional thief engage in a fierce contest of wills, attempting to outmaneuver the other, with Vette trying to present him with a cup of caf before he can get his own. On one day, the Commander thought he had successfully evaded her only for her to drop out of a ceiling panel hanging upside down, his caf in hand. (And her smile absolutely was smug.) Another day, Vette almost had him cornered before the Commander force leapt over her head and across the room, avoiding her and reaching the caf station. (That was so cheating!) He could have ordered her to stop, but she realized that wasn’t his style. Clearly, the Commander was somehow enjoying the challenge that Vette had presented to him.

Lana Beniko observes all of this disapprovingly, pressing her face to her palms and sighing in frustration while muttering about being ‘surrounded by children’. But notably, she doesn’t reproach Vette or try to put a stop to it.

(Theron Shan, of course, is amused to no end. Gault, meanwhile, starts taking bets.)

After about ten days of this, the Commander unexpectedly and gracefully surrenders one morning, accepting the caf when it is offered up and offering a ‘thank you, Vette’.

Vette’s happy she won, and that she gets to present the commander with his caf every morning. But privately, she’s disappointed to see the contest come to an end.

She wonders if the Commander is disappointed as well, not for having lost, but for losing the distraction from whatever’s been eating at him.

Talos Drellik has never been particularly adept at making friends.

The former officer in the Imperial Reclamation Service has long made peace with this fact of life, knowing full well that it dates to his childhood. (And it probably has something to do with his issues with his father and brother, but best not dwell on that.)

The field of Sith archaeology is a surprisingly small one, even within the Empire. Few non-Force sensitives have an interest in the study, and most Sith who have the necessary ‘intellectual bent’ to make real progress are principally concerned for what personal power may be gleaned from any artifacts or writings. But for Talos, Sith archaeology itself is his passion, perhaps to an extent that can make socialization challenging.

Talos had enjoyed his time with Darth Nox’s crew. He knew the Sith Lord valued his knowledge and his abilities. But at the same time, she never exactly warmed to him. She would enter his lab near the cargo hold, ask a series of questions about some subject related to his field of study, and then she would then leave, usually satisfied with his answers. In return, she’d allowed him to examine numerous archaeological sites on worlds he would never have otherwise had the chance to visit, like Voss. It had been a mutually beneficial relationship. The rest of Nox’s crew had been a mixed bag for him. Ashara had always been kind, but he knew that even she could lose patience with him when he prattled on for too long. Xalek had shown little use for him, and Revel – a constant thorn in his side – had even less. Talos had been initially excited by the idea of conversing with Khem Val, a being who had actually known Tulak Hord thousands of years ago. Sadly, the Dashade shadow assassin had soon grown bored with their interviews, finally complaining that modern “Imperials” simply couldn’t appreciate Hord’s contributions to Sith philosophy and culture.

Although Corellan Halcyon had obviously spent far less time with Talos than Darth Nox had, he nevertheless felt that the Commander had been a warmer, more inspiring presence in his life than the Sith Lord had been. Talos understands that the former Jedi had developed a genuine interest in the archaeology of Force-sensitive cultures, including even the Sith. He further felt that the Commander valued him and his advice, even pursuing that lead on Yavin 4 that led to the recruitment of Ak'ghal Usar. And this ancient Dashade shadow assassin had proven to be far more helpful to Talos’ research than Khem had ever been, even if he had been spotty on details like the actual names of participating Sith Lords.

[ Talos doesn’t tell the Commander that he was once part of Darth Nox’s crew. That he was there during the fighting on Tython with Revel and Xalek, back on her Fury-interceptor, ready to intercede if she called on them. That call never came. He regretted the Sith Lord’s death at the Jedi Battlemaster’s hands, but he didn’t hold Corellan Halcyon responsible. Such things happened when Sith and Jedi went to war.]

But Talos would never presume that the Commander counted the Imperial Archeologist as a close friend or confidante.

So it was that Talos was quite startled when Corellan Halcyon had approached him one morning, informing him that his senior advisors had insisted that the Commander take a couple of days off, and he had decided that now was as good a time as any to investigate the old ruins he had observed months before in the wilds of Odessen. The Commander was convinced that Force-users had settled on Odessen in the past, perhaps even related to the early Zakuulans. He asked if Talos would be interested in putting a team together and joining him, embarking on a two-day expedition into the forest.

Talos had naturally jumped at the offer, quickly enlisting the aid of three more specialists from the science division.

The Commander with his astromech droid by his side had seemed as upbeat and vigorous as ever on their trip, even saving the lives of the quartet of field operatives from a pack of attacking shade stalkers who attempted to ambush them along the path. He emerged a natural outdoorsman, coordinating the setup of their campsite near the ruins. He seemed intrigued at the team’s findings over the next two days, carefully taking notes and promising to devote additional resources and to authorize further expeditions going forward. He spoke about his experiences with ancient Force sites on Tython, Voss and Ilum. At one point, sitting around a campfire, noting that he was technically off-duty, he asked Talos and the other team members to call him ‘Corellan’.

No Sith Lord who Talos Drellik had ever encountered in his entire life had ever asked him to call them by their given name.

Once they had returned to the base, Talos had been promptly summoned by Lana Beniko. That was unusual in and of itself. Beniko was, perhaps, the most considerate Sith who Talos had ever met. She rarely ‘summoned’ anyone in his experience. Once he reported in, she had questioned him at length about their trip and how the Commander had behaved, with Talos laying out the details to the best of his ability. Gradually, he began to understand that it was Beniko who had insisted on the Commander taking a couple of days off in the first place. Apparently, what she did not have in mind for him was taking an archaeological team into the forest and fighting shade stalkers.

While she was eventually satisfied with Talos’ answers, she was hardly pleased with the outcome.

After that, Talos made a point to privately observe the Commander in his natural, day-to-day environment. He was a better interpreter of ancient Sith hieroglyphics than he was in reading human body language, and initially he noticed no problems. But eventually he started to understand Lana Beniko’s concerns. When on a mission or with a clear task in front of him, the Commander seemed himself. When the path forward was unclear, he was… not.

Talos was driven to find answers in the past of the Sith and of other Force-users.

But sincerely Talos hoped that the Commander… Corellan… would find the answers he was seeking for his future, as well.

They say the hardest ‘mark’ for any con artist is another con artist.

It may or may not be true for others, but Gault Rennow certainly believes it.

The shifty Davorian plays his games, as he always has. The rules, the playing pieces and the stakes may have changed, but that’s no deterrent for a player like him.

Gault sometimes wonders if Corellan Halcyon is pulling the greatest con in galactic history. And if so, what’s he really after? (It’s certainly not credits. The Commander has shut down more of Gault’s money-making schemes than Gault cares to think about.)

Who is this fellow who risks his life constantly for other people, but who is clearly putting up a front? He’s everything that the old Jedi pretended to be, and yet… he’s not a Jedi at all.

It’s no skin off Gault’s nose. The Commander and the alliance have given Gault a place where he doesn’t have to constantly look for the exit. (And a place where maybe – maybe – Gault and Hylo have a future together.) It’s been a pretty good deal. Better even than the one he had with Xadya when he ran with her crew. He’s content then to sit back and watch. If the Commander really is playing a long-con, he’s doing it masterfully, and Gault could enjoy a show like that. And if he’s not, if this is just a situation that’s getting away from him, someone will need to be there to pick up the pieces when it blows up in his face.

So Gault kicks back, sips his drink and stays tuned.

Koth Vortena is a man of great personal faith.

The price of holding onto that faith has been high. He believed in Valkorion absolutely. After the death of the Immortal Emperor, he continued to believe in the Eternal Throne. After he lost faith in that, he eventually came to believe in the Alliance. Ultimately, even though he’s sometimes disagreed with the man, Koth Vortena found himself placing his faith in Corellan Halcyon.

He’s never questioned it. He was furious when the Commander let Arcann join, but Koth never questioned why. He understood the decision. It stuck in his craw, but he understood.

Koth remembers the days before they freed the Outlander, listening to Lana tell stories about their adventures. He honestly didn’t believe most of them. He never says it out loud, but the reality has been so much better than those stories. Honestly? Deep down, Koth knows that most people would have just let Zakuul burn.

Koth’s deepest regrets in life have been for those members of his crew who he’s lost along the way. They had been his people, following his orders and falling in battle while under his command. He will never forget any of them.

But at least in the case of his fallen crew, there can be some closure for him.

The Commander once had a crew of five on his little freighter. Koth remembered the stories. Two have returned. Teeseven – who Koth knows well from their time together with Lana, and that stone-faced alien soldier named Rusk.

Koth can’t help but wonder how he’d deal with it if three of his own crew were missing, their fates unknown. He seems to be the only one who notices the Commander never talks about the ones who haven’t come back.

Bas’rish, the woman once popularly known as the Voidhound, knew the Commander back in the day.

They’d done a few jobs together, and she’s even adopted him as her ‘little brother’, even though she’s only two years older and he’s about a head taller than she is. He’s saved her life at least twice, now. Through it all, he’s never really asked her for anything.

But the smuggler captain knows how to read people, and she’s seen things that others miss. Now she sees him start to flounder when the hyperspace route ahead of him isn’t clear.

She tries to talk to him about it. He always insists that he’s fine.

Yeah, Bas’rish knows about ‘fine’. She spent three years as a prisoner of Zakuul learning all about ‘fine’.

She’s tempted – sorely tempted – to talk to Shan or someone about her suspicions. These people do care about him as a person, if he’d only let them. (He’s lousy at that.)

No. Not yet. Not her style. (Not actually her business, maybe, but that’s family for you.)

Instead, she does the only thing she feels she can do. She puts out some feelers to her old contacts, and quietly starts to search the galaxy, hoping that if she finds the right trail of breadcrumbs, she can give Corellan Halcyon the mission he really needs. Just because he wasn’t confiding in her didn’t mean she couldn’t help him.

That’s what big sisters do, right?

Every morning, Arcann wakes up, dresses, then joins Corellan Halcyon in the training ring for a pre-breakfast lightsaber sparring session.

Given that the first two times they had crossed blades, the Jedi Battlemaster and the Emperor of Zakuul had been trying to kill each other, it’s a strange sensation at first.

But for Arcann, still struggling to make friends within the Alliance, it is a welcome one.

The Commander has been a good friend to Arcann since he had joined. Truth, he’s been the only true friend he’s had since Thexan. The Commander often brings him on missions, but more important to Arcann is the time they spend together off-duty. They spar together, frequently dine together, and talk. Occasionally, they play dejarik. It helps Arcann’s image. Their sparring matches, which are rather intense, routinely draw impressive crowds of Alliance personnel. As the Commander obviously trusts Arcann with a lightsaber, Alliance personnel are much more willing to accept the former Emperor’s presence, particularly on missions, where trust is imperative.

(There was a time when Arcann was supremely confident that he could defeat the Outlander in such a duel. Now, even without Valkorion’s aid, he can sense Corellan Halcyon’s power had eclipsed his own, and that the former Jedi was well ahead of him in innate skill. Nevertheless, Arcann was closer to the Commander’s level than anyone else in the Alliance.)

Arcann doesn’t know why the Commander shows him such kindness.

The former Emperor has famously never believed in destiny; he turned against the Scions for that very reason, back when he… back when he was that other person. Now he is starting to reconsider his beliefs. He is still trying to understand the vision he had of Thexan, when he and his family had fought Valkorion in Corellan’s mind. He’s convinced that even if it is not his destiny to aid the Commander, it is most certainly his choice.

Arcann does not know what troubles Corellan Halcyon these days, and he does not feel it his place to press him on the matter.

He just knows he will be there with lightsaber in hand when he is needed.

Marshall Fideltin Rusk is “old crew”.

The Commander’s crew from back when he was a Jedi is whispered of in reverence by many in the Alliance, their feats – real or imagined – having become legendary by now, rising to almost mythical status.

That is all that people seem to know about the old chagrian soldier.

A few brave souls have even asked Rusk about the stories they’ve heard. When asked by one of his trainees, they receive a harsh verbal rebuke. When he is asked by anyone else, they receive a raised eyebrow and an icy silence. In either case, a hasty withdrawal usually follows.

Rusk is valued and appreciated by Admiral Aygo and the rest of the command staff for his ability to train – and sometimes lead – Alliance infantry into able, combat-ready squads. Even Majors Antilles and Jorgan – the Alliance’s special forces commanders who have reformed Havoc Squad – consider him a premier instructor. He is respected by the other officers and those counted among the Commander’s companions for his abilities and resourcefulness in personal combat, even as he creeps into an age where most soldiers are already retired. He is viewed with a distinct combination of loathing, fear and ultimately grudging admiration by those he puts through the Alliance training regimen. The soldiers who eventually complete the training become indebted to him for what he has forged them into.

If Fideltin Rusk has a personal friend in the Alliance outside his former crewmates – the Commander and Teeseven – it is the best-held secret in the base. The old soldier doesn’t laugh. He doesn’t smile. He rarely seeks the company of others even when he is off duty, preferring to keep his own counsel. He is nicknamed “stone-face” behind his back by more than a few. Rusk demonstrates no signs that he knows or cares about this dynamic.

But once a week, Rusk meets with the Commander in a quiet corner of the cantina for a game of dejarik and a drink. The Commander seems to enjoy these games immensely, smiling and sometimes even laughing when the two privately share a memory concerning their old crew. It’s as if he lets the mask of the stoic Outlander to slip a bit. Rusk himself doesn’t laugh during these games. He doesn’t even smile. But the muscles of his face seem to relax in a way that they don’t seem to in any other situation.

The other Alliance members – from the top senior advisors to the lowliest recruits – do not disturb these games. But some watch from a distance, both puzzled and fascinated by this uncharacteristic ritual.

On rare occasion, some third party will note the Commander calling Rusk by his old rank of “Sergeant”. It is not the kind of slip-up he would normally make. A small handful of people consider that this is not a mistake of the tongue, but rather a sort of personal designation. (In truth the Commander has known Rusk for far too long to suddenly start calling him “Fideltin”.)

If Rusk – who shared a small ship with the Commander for four years – has any personal observations or insights regarding Corellan Halcyon’s state of mind, he keeps those to himself.

That does not mean he is not concerned for the man he has followed for so long. The only man for whom he would have left the Republic’s service.

But regardless, Rusk keeps his own peace even as he prepares his trainees for the next war.

Oddly enough, the only ‘Force user’ in the Alliance whom the Commander has confided his troubles to – indeed, the only Alliance member whom he’s actually spoken to about his innermost thoughts at all – is one who would not identify as such.

Yuun is a Gand Findsman. He can find things. He can find people. (Hence why so many of his kind choose to become bounty hunters and related professions.)

But he can only follow the signs as they appear to him.

Corellan Halcyon seeks him out one day, then shares what he seeks with the Gand.

Yuun listens attentively, then meditates at length, looking for the signs. When he is finished, he regretfully tells the Commander that there is no path for him to follow for what he seeks. He can tell him only that when the signs do come, they will come for the Commander only. On this point, Yuun is certain of intuitively.

Befitting his nature, Corellan Halcyon amicably thanks the Gand, then asks for his discretion in this matter. Yuun naturally acquiesces.

As the Commander takes his leave, the Gand can only hope that the signs will come soon.

Theron Shan is worried.

Theron was, once upon a time, one of the best SIS agents and analysts in the Republic’s service. (If he hadn’t been that good, Marcus Trant would have had him killed for all the operations of Theron’s that had gone sideways.)

But the point is he’s good at watching people. Damned good.

The Commander of the Eternal Alliance has become the most ‘watched’ man in the galaxy. Theron knows for a fact that the SIS’s psychological analysis of Corellan Halcyon is hundreds of pages long at this point, and that most of it is bantha dung. Lana doesn’t talk about the subject much, but he would be surprised if Sith Intelligence’s files weren’t even more convoluted.

Theron now observes the Alliance Commander, and hopes he is doing so with better skill than all those other intelligence analysts. (And hopefully, with better skill than every enemy who has ever lined up across from Corellan Halcyon.)

He sees the Commander standing on the observation deck at the base, staring up at the horizon.

No. Theron realizes. Not staring. His eyes are closed. He’s reaching with the Force, reaching out into the galaxy for… something.

That worried him.

Theron Shan’s family history was… complicated. That didn’t mean he hadn’t learned it. It didn’t mean he hadn’t heard the stories from Master Zho or that he hadn’t read the old reports once he’d joined the SIS.

Theron remembered Revan.

After the Jedi Civil War and the destruction of the Star Forge, Revan and Bastila Shan had retired to Coruscant, leading relatively quiet lives of married bliss. They were nominally still part of the Jedi order, with the council unable to expel their two galactic heroes for fear of the political fallout. Revan, redeemed, victorious and united with his love, should have lived out his life in happiness.

That wasn’t what happened. Revan became distracted by… something out in the galaxy. Ultimately, after months of bad dreams and premonitions, Revan finally left his pregnant wife behind while he ventured out towards the Outer Rim, never to be seen again.

… until three-hundred years later, but that was another story.

It turned out, of course, that it was the Sith Emperor that had plagued Revan’s thoughts. His memories of Vitiate from years before during the Mandalorian Wars may have been suppressed, but he could still feel the old bastard through the Force. Pursuing that feeling had led to Revan losing the life he had built for himself, as well as any chance at happiness.

The Sith Emperor was dead. Of that, everyone was certain.

So. What was plaguing the Alliance Commander? What was distracting him? What new threat had him reaching out like this?

Would the Commander hop in his old ship some day and just disappear? Like Revan had?

And if he did, what would become of the Alliance – and of the galaxy – without him?

Lana Beniko knows full-well that much of what has developed has been a result of her actions. She believes this without hubris or ego, and with some measure of guilt.

Koth had warned her years ago even before they freed Corellan Halcyon on Zakuul. Winning the war against the Eternal Throne would take a greater toll on the Outlander than any of them could have imagined.

Through it all, he’d been consummate hero every step of the way. Stoic. Selfless. Courageous beyond all reason. She remembers his near-death experience fighting Arcann on Asylum. Once he awoke, he didn’t seem remotely discouraged. Once upon a time, Lana would have dismissed much of this as displays of his damned Jedi ethics. Lana no longer believed that. Corellan may have left the order behind, but his principles were his own.

Lana had had been by his side ever since, whether coordinating the Alliance or fighting in the field. The former Minister of Sith Intelligence felt she owed it to him, given that she had effectively drafted him into a position of leadership in fighting a war that he’d never asked for, taking on the responsibility of leading the Alliance. In all but name, Lana was effectively serving his chief-of-staff. (Theron, meanwhile, preferred to play the free-wheeling subordinate.)

She watched him now. They had been victorious. Triumphant. Untold billions of lives had been saved. Even if the Empire and Republic needed to be kept at arm’s length, the galaxy was still more peaceful than it had been in decades.

He should be, if not happy, then at least satisfied. He is not.

He’s not right. He’s not himself.

She feels the pings of guilt that he’s in this state, even as she knows she would have done the same if she had to. (And the Commander would have agreed with her, she knows.) She understands that, ultimately, he hasn’t let her in. That hurts more than she’s willing to admit. Regardless, Lana Beniko will always do whatever is in her power to support him, regardless.

To that end, Lana insists – with Theron’s support – that the Commander take two days off. Corellan promptly ventures into the wilderness with Drellik and an archaeological team. She says nothing when he spends each morning sparring with Arcann. (She still doesn’t trust the deposed Emperor.) She rolls her eyes but keeps her peace when the Commander and Vette spend more than a week in a ridiculous display trying to outdo each other over a cup of caf. Lana Beniko realizes these are all temporary measures. They may bring the Commander relief, but they do not address the underlying issues.

Something more needs to be done.

A private meeting is quietly organized by Lana Beniko, composed of carefully selected Alliance members known for their pragmatic and discreet natures.

They talk for hours on their observations and concerns regarding the Commander. They attempt to construct a complete picture of the situation, despite clearly missing some pieces. Inevitably, they debate and argue. The eventual consensus of the gathering is that the Commander paid a steep price in his final battle with Valkorion, and that the effects of that encounter linger. That he was wounded in spirit in ways that are not healing on their own and which he refuses to talk about or address.

The discussion then pragmatically turns to what could be done about it.

The prospect of outside counseling is suggested but is quickly dismissed. None of those assembled are properly trained themselves and finding someone trustworthy who could compel the Commander to cooperate would be nigh impossible given the circumstances.

Inevitably, the prospect of using Force Healing is raised. It seems to have worked well for Arcann.

Lana had already spoken to Sana-Rae. She told her that the Commander will always be considered a hero to the Voss, but that a vision by the Mystic, Valen-Da, predicted that Corellan Halcyon would find no peace among their people. That every time he would return to the planet would coincide with conflict and peril. So, it had been when he had confronted Fulminiss at the Dark Heart almost a decade ago. So, it had been when he had saved Voss-Ka from Vaylin. So, it would be again in the future.

Lana had been angry to hear this, but she had finally accepted the explanation. The Voss were out.

Neither Sith nor the Knights of Zakuul possessed the proper techniques – on this, there was no dispute. What about healing through a Jedi Force Meld?

More promising, that. But for someone like Corellan Halcyon, that would require a Jedi of sufficient power with a strong, pre-existing bond to the Commander.

He had been the Hero of Tython. Their Battlemaster. Their Champion. There must surely be many such Jedi…

Leeha Narezz and Jomar Chul both knew him before joining the Alliance, hadn’t they? He had called them his old friends. Not that deeply, the group is told. He had saved their lives twice over. But they didn’t pretend to have that sort of connection to him. Precious few Jedi had. But Satele Shan has not been seen since her appearance on Coruscant shortly after the war ended. What about the rest of the council? Bela Kiwiiks had been in touch with the Alliance but had not seen the Commander in person in years. The others? All missing or dead. Surely there were others? Kira Carsen, his former padawan, and Ulannium Kaarz, the Barsen’thor, had both gone missing during the invasion, like so many other Jedi. Corellan Halcyon may have been called the Hero of Tython, but he rarely seemed to spend much time on the Jedi homeworld.

As those assembled work their way down the list, they come to an uncomfortable realization.

Corellan Halcyon has spent his adult life going from world to world, saving people. First as a Jedi, now as the leader of the Eternal Alliance.

He seemed to call everyone his ‘friend’, but even Lana Beniko, who rescued him on Zakuul and had stood by his side ever since, was starting to question if she really knew him.

How many people had he even allowed himself to grow close to, aside from an astromech droid?

Senya Tirall finally slaps the table. She and Arcann will ‘take point’ on the situation, she declares. They owe the Commander that and more for what he has done for them.

When she is asked how she intended to help the Commander, the former Knight of Zakuul answered with steel in her eyes and in her voice.

“By being his friend.”

No one challenges this plan. It is, unfortunately, the most pragmatic they have right now.

Senya Tirall has a quality that many of her colleagues in the Alliance lack. That quality being life experience. In her time, Senya Tirall has protected Emperors and hunted criminals. She has tracked down traitors before ultimately becoming a rebel herself. She has warred with her own children and redeemed her son.

She has watched Corellan Halcyon since their first encounter in the Endless Swamp on Zakuul. He wasn’t quite what she expected at the time, and now, over a year later, she still found herself surprised at him sometimes. He was brave, compassionate, amicable and wise, all almost to a fault. He could also charm, flatter and even joke… in his moments.

Senya was fairly certain, however, that these last three characteristics were learned; that they did not come naturally to him. And that seemed typical of Corellan Halcyon; he constantly tried to remake himself into whomever he had to be to help others most effectively.

She saw this during Indo Zal’s celebration of the Eternal Alliance’s victory on Zakuul, held mere hours after the final battle against Valkorion in Corellan’s mind. The former Jedi refused to accept the title of Emperor, instead gathering the ‘movers and shakers’ of Zakuulan society and asking them to form a provisional government. The Commander had pledged that the Eternal Fleet – and the Alliance – would continue to defend Zakuul from external threats, but that they would not attempt to dominate the planet, nor would they interfere at all unless the Zakuulans themselves requested. Despite being mentally exhausted from his ordeal and months of fighting, Corellan spent six hours charming and cajoling the socialites and had them eating out of his hand.

(During the evening, Senya had been approached by no fewer than three matriarchs of influential Zakuulan families, each of whom had known Senya back when she had been the captain of Valkorion’s personal guard. After the obligatory small talk, all three had made inquiries to whether the Commander might be agreeable to a political marriage to one of their daughters or sons. Such deal-making had been commonplace at court back during Valkorion’s reign. Senya had not enjoyed passing along those overtures.)

The entire event had been a smashing triumph, successfully rebranding the infamous Outlander from a hated terrorist to the acclaimed savior of Zakuul.

It was only after all the guests had left that the Commander finally let out a sigh of exhaustion, catching himself against a table as he gazed up at Senya.

“How’d I do?” he’d asked her, like a student asking their teacher if they had passed a test.

Senya was starting to suspect that Corellan Halcyon viewed much of his life like that: Just a series of tests.

She’s even seen it when he was among his friends and allies at the Alliance base. Once, during an informal conversation, a joke seemed to go over his head. He’d blinked, then noting that everyone else seemed amused, he chuckled nervously. Senya didn’t think anyone else had caught it, but she had. A glimpse beneath the mask, perhaps?

It worried her that even after all this time, he didn’t feel completely at ease with his own people. He still felt the need to put up a front, a mask. Having been married to a man who’d worn a mask for centuries, only to have discovered a monster beneath it, Senya was determined to do something about it.

So not long after Lana’s meeting, she had Arcann go and extend an invitation to dinner for the three of them. If Corellan Halcyon was determined to be the “Protector of Zakuul” (as Indo and the aristocrats had acclaimed him), then he should at least become familiar with a homecooked Zakuulan meal. Senya was proved correct that, with the invitation going through Arcann, the Commander wouldn’t refuse.

That first dinner was pleasant enough. Arcann had been nervous about the whole thing; he respects the Outlander’s privacy absolutely, so was quiet for most of the evening. Corellan had even brought a bottle of Alderaanian wine. He seemed more at ease, though she wouldn’t say she understood him better. But the foundation had been laid; he agreed to a second dinner a week later.

By the third dinner, it had occurred to Senya that here she had two able young men who, almost inarguably, were the two greatest warriors in the galaxy. And both of them had apparently reached the age of thirty without picking up any culinary skills of any kind.

By the fourth dinner, she had put them both to work. The Commander was peeling vegetables for a soup while Arcann helped her mix a sauce. It didn’t occur to either Corellan or Arcann to refuse her ‘request’ for them to help.

Slowly, ever so slowly, Corellan’s smile at their weekly dinner starts to become more natural; less the mask worn by the Alliance Commander and more something else.

She’d get through to him, she was sure. She just needed time.

Apparently oblivious to these machinations, there stands Corellan Halcyon, the Alliance Commander.

He has stood tall against the Sith, against Dark Jedi, against the Knights of Zakuul, against challengers on every planet he has ever visited. He has even stood against Valkorion himself. And he has ultimately prevailed every time.

The challenge he now faces is unlike any of those.

Is it his destiny to prevail once again? To find that which he seeks?

He doesn’t know.

But he has hope.

33 notes · View notes