#made this in the 2 hours i was supposed to be working on hw

[biibini]

modern!mizu pt2 sfw + nsfw

a/n: brain continues to rot 😵‍💫 i thought i would focus more on ur relationship w mizu & ur dynamic with her

note: nsfw at the bottom!

ok so ab u two hehe

sfw ☆

modern!mizu gets into a playful mood w u from time to time

usually when she gets bored from hw or takes a break after coming back from the gym, she’ll come out of the zone and bother u

she loves to press ur buttons especially when it’s the two of u alone

modern!mizu is a tease. next headcannon.

“Mizu. Stop.”

“Stop? What would I be stopping?” she would say in a teasing manner.

“You know what I mean-“ you say as she continues to squish your face with her left hand. A small but undeniable smirk starts forming on her face.

however, when u are both out, she’ll keep the teasing to a minimum

at least tries to (the voices r strong but shes stronger most of the time)

her hand might just slip down by ur waist and squeeze it at times to get a little reaction or gasp out of u

(but that’s an idea for me to elaborate on later)

modern!mizu prefers u to hold her arm than her hand

she’ll take either but she feels more secure knowing ur holding onto her

she def likes it when u lightly squeeze her arms to stay close

modern!mizu likes joining in on ur care routine before going to sleep (this is kinda nsfw)

at first, she was curious as to what products u were using on ur face

she initially saw the facial ice roller as a new toy ngl

it’s not one of her proudest moments

“Hey Y/N?”

“Yeah?” You were in the bedroom finding your pajamas, not even guessing what she would ask you next

“You bought a new toy?” Mizu yells from the bathroom.

“I did?”

She comes out with your facial ice roller in hand.

“Baby-“ you start speaking.

“I mean I know you said you wanted to test out temperatures in bed one time but…”

“Miz-“

“Just how… exactly do we use this? I know this part is the handle but where does the ice go?” she asks as she holds the handle sideways, staring at the product and analyzing its usage.

You start to giggle a little as you take the roller out of her hands.

“I’m being serious. How does it work?”

“Mizu, it’s for my face.”

She starts blanking out as you begin to roll the cold icy part on your cheeks.

“It’s supposed to help with puffiness.”

“Oh…”

self care along with her nightly tea became a comforting ritual in her bedroom

she was intrigued by the amount of skincare products u own

it’s not a lot (jk)

mizu totally didn’t build a whole shelf for ur products (she made sure it fit everything)

modern!mizu is ur guinea pig, and vice versa (sorta)

if u wanted to try a new product, she would try it with u

if she had a new creation/projected she needed to test out, u would be the second person she would call to check on production

u used to be the first until the “incident”

one time she called u in at the dead hour of 2 AM to come to the auto-shop and see her creation

it was a makeshift turbine for a solo project and all u had to do was turn it on to low fan speed

u ended up turning it on the highest speed somehow and broke the fragile engine

mizu froze as she watched her project get quickly chopped up by the fan

however she starts running to push u away and protect u when the fan starts hurling towards ur direction

u end up finding out she mislabeled the fan speed and made the “lowest” setting the highest setting

worried that she would put u in danger again, she asks taigen or ringo to test her new projects

she continues to be a guinea pig with ur skincare products and cooking

(ill make this vary depending on reader’s skills)

if ur not a rlly good cook, u and mizu can make two halves meet and collaborate on cooking together

u would probably ask ringo to help u out more than mizu admits to (it’s for the better and safety of the apartment)

if u are a good cook, she’ll be a bit more confident and step up as ur sous chef

she jokingly calls u “yes chef” as she gives u a kiss on ur cheek

one day, u bought a chef hat and started prepping dinner before mizu got back from the gym

You hear the front door open and the small ring of the jingle bell Ringo put on the handle.

“Y/N? Ringo?” Mizu yells as she puts down her bag.

“In here!” You yell from the kitchen. You fix your newly bought chef hat to match Mizu’s little running bit.

“Hey what are you coo-“ Mizu stops to look at what you’re wearing.

Some slippers, one of her shirts, and a chef hat. Oh my god. You turn to look at her with a smile.

“What is… that?“ She says, gawking at the hat.

“You like what I bought?”

“Yes but I wasn’t expecting a whole chef hat.” Mizu says as gives you a quick hug from behind and a little “hello” kiss on your cheek.

“You mean ‘Yes chef’?” You say teasingly.

“Haha very funny…”

You stare at her, pausing your cooking as you wait for the right words to be spoken out. She looks back and sighing in defeat.

“Yes chef.” She says as you giggle at her defeated tone, continuing to tend to dinner.

modern!mizu will chop and prep for u

give her a knife and a chopping board

ask and u will receive

random thought but she will tough out the onions

when she first starts her sous chef journey, she would always chew gum

she never realized that she could avoid onion tears with this method until she tried it

game changer !!

trust her w the onions. always.

modern!mizu enjoys dates out with u but the best dates are done at home, cuddling and watching netflix

u guys def have movie/tv show nights

maybe even experiment in cooking dinners

it’s peaceful and quiet (besides ringo joining in occasionally most of the time)

cuddling and relaxing after long school days resets both of u

mizu esp loves it when u both are under the covers and she can feel u doze off

it makes her a little sleepy too

As the second to final episode of your show comes to an end, Mizu checks up on you. She finds you, eyes closed & softly breathing.

“Y/N” she whispers while slowly unwrapping the blanket covering you two.

“Uh hm…” you say as you try and grip onto the blanket, it’s warmth escaping you. A light chuckle comes out of Mizu.

She successfully takes off the blanket, laying it to hang on the couch. She makes a mental reminder to fix it before she leaves for the gym tomorrow. You on the other hand are slowly waking up and walking to the bedroom, still holding her hand.

“C’mon now, let’s get to bed.”

You simply nod as she brings you to the bedroom to continue your sleep. She’ll catch you up on what you missed when you dozed off the following day.

modern!mizu would sleep on her back

it’s best to relieve lower back pain after learning from her adopted dad

so she’s adapted the same habit as him

when it comes to cuddling, she wraps her arm around you as she dozes off

if u wanted (or she wanted) to spoon, she would initially be the big spoon

however, the more u get into ur relationship, the more she switches over to being the little spoon

the feeling of ur hands wrapped around her as you both doze off is comforting

big spoon does stay on top though

it gives her access to… places

nsfw ♥︎

yk how i said in the first modern!mizu that she was touchy (and here too)

modern!mizu needs to hold or touch u whenever u guys are doing it

ur face, hands, shoulder, waist, hips, thighs

anywhere basically

she loves giving ur hips a squeeze while guiding u through the motions

when she’s making out with u, she lovesss to cup ur face or hold ur waist closer to u with her hands

when eating u out, u cannot escape

those gym seshes come in clutch

her arms will wrap around ur thighs and will not let u go

“Be good for me, will ya?” Mizu says, her breath only a few inches away from your heat.

You can only nod as you let your legs succumb to her arms. There’s no use fighting against them. You’ve tried and failed many times.

she would also hold onto ur hips if ur on top

she loves the control she would have on ur hips while u bounce up and down on her strap on

if not ur hips, she would give ur ass a squeeze as u continue to be riding her

modern!mizu always loves to leave a little mark

she knows how sensitive u can be around ur neck and loves to leave at least one, maybe two

if not there, then definitely around ur breasts

no one’s going to see them (most of the time)

she loves doing it especially when ur stimulated below by her fingers that are slowly yet deeply thrusting into ur wet insides

it would overstimulate u

but it would be so fun to see her lovely girl crumble little by little by her fingers and mouth

modern!mizu will do anything to hear ur voice

when she’s making out w u and hears a moan escape from ur lips, she’s so ready

ur moans escaping from ur lips while she eats u out is the best melody she’s ever heard

she gets lost indulging in ur noise that she would have to double check if anyone else is home before continuing

if ur moans gets louder when she goes faster, she will keep that pace up until ur a mumbling mess

so ab her being a tease earlier

modern!mizu likes to tease, especially when ur close

“Is my Y/N getting close?” she coos as she continues to thrust into you.

You were already overstimulated with how much she has done with you that night. From making out to practically squirting on her fingers earlier, your mind was a mess. As she thrust into you, all you could do was nod and moan as she hit a deeper spot.

“That’s the spot, isn’t it?”

You mumbled a yes and nodded. She heard you. But was it a spoken answer? Not exactly to Mizu.

She slows her pace down and looks to see your reaction: fucked out, dazed, and is practically begging for more.

“Mizu, please.”

“Please what?”

She grinds once to hear another moan come out. You continue to lose it as you start to bounce up and down on her strap, finding the spot again.

“Please fuck me more.” you answer.

She grinned as she watch you continue to move your hips up and down on her. Who knew you could still have the energy after all?

However, Mizu wasn’t done toying with you. She wants to hear your exact words.

“Fuck you how much more?” She says slyly as her hips start to slowly match your pace. You get silent as you find the right angle.

“Deeper. Much deeper.”

“Oh yeah?” she answers breathily, lining her hands with your waist as she searches for the deep spot.

A loud moan escaped your lips. Bingo.

“Good girl.” she calls as she continues her deep thrusts into you, coming once again.

hands down, making you speak while you’re fucked out is the favorite way to tease u

i cannot exaggerate how ur moans get her off

it’ll always be in the back of her mind while she continues to mess w u

it’s basically an obsession

hearing her lover practically crumble from her is her favorite part of teasing u

[greetings-inferiors]

It’s actually insane to me how bad security breach was (or specifically how much I didn’t like it). Like before it help wanted was my favourite game in the series. The dreadbear dlc was fantastic and made me so hyped for the future of the franchise. The way they talked about the game and what it was made me fall in love with it before it was even out. My fnaf obsession was at an all time high, I could not have been more excited for it. Then it released and me and my best friend, the two biggest fnaf fans I know, designated the entire day to play it together, just like we did with help wanted and the dlc (potential reasons as to why hw is my favourite, the in jokes we made about it live on today). And you could feel the enthusiasm drain from us in real time. As we realised how lame the roaming animatronics were. As the frustration of the game slowly scraped the rose tint off our glasses. When I realised the time advancements were scripted instead of being in real time I felt a part of me die inside. The Monty boss fight would crash after a certain amount of time so we were forced to speed run it to try and advance. We beat the game and when the comic appeared we were both like “this is it?” When we tried to look up spoiler free ending walkthroughs, the fire exit ending just wouldn’t work no matter what we tried. I remember getting to the pizzeria sim location, my favourite Scott-original game, and I could feel the pit in my stomach swell. Finding candy cadet was awesome, but once we got past the empty hallways that were supposed to have endos, and the blob (which took a lot of trial and error), the afton fight started and I immediately threw in the towel. My friend was like “no come on we can do this” but was so frustrated by the fight which clearly wasn’t play tested at all. We stuck through it, praying that Roxy just didn’t come (an instant death sentence, because they never once hint at how to get rid of her, Freddy even has a voice line implying you can hide, which no you can’t she can see you even though she’s blind.) and hoping that Freddy didn’t randomly just kill you out of nowhere. We did it eventually, even after Roxy had been chasing us, and the cutscene just kind of ended. God. I am not kidding when I say that it was my least favourite piece of fnaf media. And I had read every book. Played every single troll game. I felt my love of the franchise die in real time. Even after Ruin, a genuinely fantastic game (because it’s a different game from security breach), and Help wanted 2, the sequel to help wanted, my favourite game in the franchise, and a good game in its own right, both games me and my best friend played on the day they released that we both enjoyed, it just wasn’t the same. We didn’t even finish help wanted 2, we got to the normal ending and phoned it in. Once we collected two plushies I was done and wanted to sleep. I’ve only seen the ending from astralspiff’s full series marathon. It looks fantastic. But I just don’t feel like even watching a video of it. I haven’t watched any of the really recent fnaf theories. It’s not the new presenter he’s fantastic. I just don’t really get excited by them anymore. I haven’t read any of the recent books. The movie was great, I guess. I’ll play into the pit, but it isn’t really out of wanting to. It’s out of obligation. Like I’m a fnaf fan, I should play fnaf games, right?

It is wild how drastically security breach killed my interest in the franchise. Fnaf was one of my core interests, one of the things like undertale or kingdom hearts where at any time I could talk about it for hours. One terrible, awful game was able to make it something that I get a bit interested in whenever a new one drops.

[megismorallysunny]

25/09/23

i might upload 2 today bc i have a lot, not from today just in general, so much so that i wrote it down. i had science first, turns out the school wanted every teacher for their first class to show their classes the new one way system because they felt it was clogged up. its really fucking stupid and we were supposed to follow it as soon as we left first class.. spoiler alert no one did, absolutely no one, i didnt see any teachers not following but no students are. I feel like using that system its only a matter of time before a 1st year gets hit by a car, your supposed to go outside to get to some classes that would have only been a few metres away now, and the way you go sometimes has cars on it, i seen one going pretty fast just a minute after class started.

i had irish after science and turns out that irish hw i was doing wasnt even the hw, and i had already done the hw a week ago, omg i just cant but it was a-ok. after that was maths, everyone was in for once so there wasnt enough seats for everyone, hopefully 4k4 and his other friend 5k5 dont steal my seat, i worked my ass off for that. a student who came 2 weeks ago, nickname -bluebird, is just annoying, its not that shes done anything wrong its that shes a complete loner, wont talk to anyone, not like ive tried but more in the sense, you wont hear even a squeak. in business she doesnt take down notes, in maths she doesnt do questions (not that i can say much) and in french she doesnt even know ça va and wont do her french hw. so yeah plain infuriating. i did my english hw wrong after i spent an hour carefully constructing only a third of my answer for an hour last night. my friends went to the shop but i didnt bc i wanted to stay in the cspe classroom and eat my lunch and maybe also read trollhunter fanfics, hard enough to find good ones involving a very cute and fluffy relationship between jim and walter. anyways we had to have a fake election in cspe, to try out ballot box voting, in first year for student council i tied with another girl for top votes. guess how many i got this time? yeah thats right a solid one, thinking about it makes me sad, does no one like me anymore??? but i laughed at the time even tho every1 looked back at me, it felt really dehumanising, the only way i deal with bad situations is by laughing and joking, and that situation made me feel a little shit.

made me also feel real great when aprciot turned back at me and said i put you 5, its like he constantly tries to talk to me and be my friend and when i ignore him he gets mad, its not great that i was standing beside granite today and apricot started pushing granite and while he did that his hand touched my tit. great. made me feel just great, it wasnt on purpose he wouldnt even try.. well he did say consent didnt matter today if it was me. he was obvi joking but considering he tried to sa someone before and this day a year ago, "mango" his friend and apples friend sent diorite a voice message saying apricot said he was gonna do a thing to her. idk im sorry i feel uncomfortable typing out the word rape. but yeah thats what he said apparently. doesnt make it better he could walk to her house and he knows where that is. but unfortunately it is what it is no matter how cruel it can be.

anyways, after cspe i fucking raced through the classroom to get to another because it had a door to the outside which was closer to the door to the other outside door to get to or religion classroom, we had a proper sound sub, she was rly nice and i thought she was a bitch because of her hairstyle but she really wasnt, AND I GOT MY FAVOURITE SEAT!!!! mission acomplished, my friend was happy bc i always run to get good seats and i actually did unlike last time where some people were unfortunately quicker.

idk if i mentioned this but i learned about shifting maybe early 2021 and it didnt really go anywhere, id tell you where i have planned out for me to go but it would be embarassing, i have one for the embarassing one and one for a library, filled with extensive knowledge and characters from shows i watch. anyways my body felt like it was floating last night, just like my first shifting attempt nearly 2 years ago now, i nearly did it but i chickened out, opened my eyes and couldnt ever do it again or get those symptoms. when i woke up at 4 in the morning i was half stuck in a dream, and was trying to do my tasks to meet my goal, i dont even remember what my tasks or goal was.

i skimmed the entirety of sex education, it was my first time watching it, it was pretty good, i really liked ruby she was definitely my favourite i also really loved roman but cmon ruby, she was so good also aimee. i redownloaded farmville2 so its time to relive my farmer life whoop whoop. ill do another blog post later. anyways goodbye have a good morning, good day and good night

[amphibily]

hear me out: what if they shared a bed on that ship

[poptartmochi]

uwaaaaaaa

[kkusuka]

omg can you do pt.2 for “little toxic things </3” where the reader gets tired of there actions and tries to break up with them?? or something along the lines where they simply just ignore them. thank you!!! whenever you can!! <33

pt.1 <3

TW: atsumu’s talks about having an eating disorder for a bit, it also talks about growing out of an eating disorder!!!!

a similar asks : Can you make part 2, where they regret it and s/o and dead or like something really angsty? Btw. I really like your writing style.

I love your writing and I hope you are doing well! No rush or pressure or anything whatsoever, but maybe a pt. 2 to the toxic hc (the one with sakusa, suna, oikawa and atsumu) where the reader breaks up with them or something and how they react. Honestly it’s up to you what the ending is but I just wonder how they would react lol. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

I love your writing and I hope you are doing well! No rush or pressure or anything whatsoever, but maybe a pt. 2 to the toxic hc (the one with sakusa, suna, oikawa and atsumu) where the reader breaks up with them or something and how they react. Honestly it’s up to you what the ending is but I just wonder how they would react lol. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

i know this was supposed to be headcannons but something came over me and i just wrote mini fics for it. 

oikawa

why did this get kinda long?

sometimes time gets away from him. the moment he woke up he knew how important this day was, and as much as he liked to pretend he wasn’t, he knew he was on very thin ice with you. he was going to make it better. hw had the perfect plan, al he had to do was get through practice on time and he’d be set! but, sometimes time gets away from him, and he’s too busy to check his phone when his serve is getting shaky. 

-

you believed him when he said he’d be there, but deep down you somehow knew that it was going to be like every other time. after thirty minutes you gave him a call, people started to look at you. at one hour you ordered the most expensive bottle of wine, and shot him more than a few texts. at two hours you ordered food and gave up on trying to contact him, the point was lost. when you finished your meal at 2 1/2 hours you came to the conclusion he wasn’t coming and he had failed to prove that he could keep a promise. 

- 

it was 9:45 when he finally checked his phone. teo hours and thirty minutes after he was supposed to meet you at the restaurant. he wasted no time, not even for a shower, and made it to the restaurant in record time. as he was walking in you were walking out. 

“y/n please listn! i’m-” 

“i’m over it Tooru, i love you, i really do but i can’t keep going through this. i’ll be cheering for you even if you can’t see me.” 

“please, please we-we can fix this-” 

“there’s nothing to fix, i’ll get my stuff and be out by tomorrow.” 

-

everything was numb now, when had you become so important to him? you were his entire life and he took complete advantage of all that you did for him. he was so blinded by his ambition that he had forgotten about the person who helped him get where he was. and deep in his heart he knew that there wouldn’t be anyone else, and some how he was going to get you back. hopefully you still loved him enough to et him try. 

sakusa

it was simple, he no longer had feelings for you. and he’d rather not go through the hassle of sitting down and talking it through with you. if you loved home so much than you would understand that he had to leave. but now as he sits in his half empty apartment that the two of you once shared, he isn’t to sure he made the right decision. 

-

he sees you everywhere now, it drives him insane. when he walks around the grocery store he sees the snacks you would always beg him to buy. or when he was getting a new cologne and the first smell that hit him was the perfume you would always wear. and on the plane back to Tokyo that only thing that calmed him was the photo of the two of you that he just happens to “forget” to take out of his wallet. 

maybe he should call you, and hopefully you would give him a chance to make it right. 

atsumu

103 lb. that wasn’t good enough, the girl on the poster that Suna gave Atsumu for his birthday was 98 lb. why wasn’t it working? you worked out everyday, ate 400 calories at best, what was going so wrong? Atsumu didn’t seem to even notice what you were doing and that hurt just a bit more than an aching stomach. what he did notice was the way your hair matted down and got thinner. and the way your skin lost it’s glow. and how the bags under your eyes never seemed to go away. 

and he didn't spare you these observations, or how all he girls you saw at that mall didn’t look like that. 

-

after five month you were diagnosed with an eating disorder, and that was the final straw to your relationship. it was like the skies had parted and you had truly seen what was going on. two hours later you had your best friend pack all of your stuff and you left the apartment. you could no longer kill yourself for this relationship, if atsumu wanted all the the girls in the Ads, than he can have them. 

- 

9 months and two relapses later you were finally free form the plague Atsumu had induced on you. you had gotten rid of anything that reminded you of the boy. you went as far as getting a new phone number. you had finally found peace with yourself and your body and no one was going to take that away from you. but clearly getting rid of photo’s of the man wont get rid of the real one. and you’re faced with the harsh reality when you run into him at an engagement party. 

-

he had a year and a half you realize what he had done. and he had, Atsumu was disgusted with how he acted, but never tried to contact you. he knew you didn't want to talk to him and i would just make it worse if he tried. he never truly realized what his words had done to you. 

-

“y/n-”

“i’m sorry Miya, i-i can’t talk right now” 

he understood, he did. but that didn't make it hurt any less. watching you walk out of his life for the second time hurt even more than the first. at east he didn't see you leave the first time. maybe one day you wont hate him enough so he can tell you how sorry he was. 

suna

two weeks of complete silence was the last straw of your already rocky relationship with the middle blocker. sending him one more useless text you decided you had, had enough. you weren’t going to fight for this relationship if wasn't going to meet you in the middle. it took you about 30 minutes to get all of the clothes that you had borrowed from him, and put them in a bag. it took you another ten minutes to make it to his house. and one minute to get to his door. 

-

when he opened the door to you, he isn’t going to lie he was annoyed and didn't want to see you. wasn’t the unanswered messages enough? couldn’t you take a hint. 

“y/n im not in the mood-”

“you don’t need to be in the mood, here’s your shit. you can go ignore someone else for two weeks. 

- 

in some sick way suna missed all of your messages, he knew he had no right to be thinking of them. but its 3:26 am and al he can think about is you. some of the sweatshirts still smelled like you but by now the perfume had dissipated. no matter how many photos of you he had, they didn't do how beautiful you were justice. if he was just a bit less prideful he would be at your door, sleep forgotten, and beg for you back. but for no he’ll just have to deal with the void of emotions lingering in his chest. 

[shayminbarizsky]

Thank you for the tag, @pearlsongfromstuff~! :DD

1~ Why did you choose your url?

It's my OC's name~! Shaymin Sebastian Braginsky~ >v<

2~ Any side blogs?

Well there's @askthecarouselianmonarch, and then two others that are currently a work in progress~ They are, @the-androids-sent-by-himaruya and @hws-mandela-catalogue~ ^-^

3~ How long have you been on Tumblr?

I had it from 2019 of September I thinkkk? I didn't start actually using it until late 2020 or something-

4~ Do you have a queue tag?

Nope.

5~ Why did you start your blog in the first place?

I wanted to make an ask blog for my OCs 👉👈 I began making this huge plot for a novel and thought, "What if I have an ask blog for them?" I didn't exactly go with that idea, but my semi-hws cardverse and oc blog involves some story from my wip novel~!

6~ Why did you choose your icon?

Because I love my OC, Shaymin~ uwu I've built upon her character for so long that I have her everywhere now~

7~ Why did you choose your header?

It's kinda just something that relates to my novel in a way~

8~ What’s your post with the most notes?

I have one on my last main which was a Bernie Sanders gif edit- Because that was popular during the beginning of last year- XD

9~ How many mutuals do you have?

Not a lot.. I guess I have 3-4 ?

10~ How many follows do you have?

My previous main had 50+ This one right now has 25

11~ How many people do you follow?

As there are many cool people on here, I follow A LOT~!

12~ Have you ever made a shitpost?

I don't think so? Not yet at the moment I suppose~ >v<

13~ How many times do you use Tumblr a day?

It's literally the only form of media I use so pretty much a lot? I'm probably on here 2-3 hours at the most lol

14~ Have you ever had a fight with another blog?

No, but on my semi-hws cardverse and oc blog, I did yell at a rude anon for trying to bully me and other fellow cardverse blogs.. That's the only time I ever went off on this site-

15~ How do you feel about need to rb posts?

I feel a bigggg need- I hate to just see a post, like it, and scroll past... If I like a post, I immediately reblog- Sorry if I spam anyone's notifications... But I just really like a lot of your things!!

16~ Do you like tag games?

Yeah~!!! :DD

17~ Do you like ask games?

Of courseeee~!!! :DDDDD

18~ Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

Probably @ moonami ~~ :00 Their art is really cool and they have an amazing hws dating (horror) au which got pretty popular!

19~ Do you have a crush on a mutual?

I don't think so- 😅

20~ Tags

Tagging~ ~@moonami~ ~@taterswithranch~ ~@frog-god-of-chaos~ ~@kitaychan~ and ~@plaguedocaiko~! If youse want~ ^^

[imgoingtohellsofuckit]

Hope Can’t Fix Everything pt 2

Jasper x Human! Reader

Warnings - angsty 

Summary - Jasper tries to make it right

part one 

Jasper had royally fucked up. And he knew it. He knew that he ruined his chance with his mate. One mistake would destroy the entire lifetime they were supposed to have together. Carlisle made Jasper skip the next week of school. Mostly to get him to calm down. But also to make sure nothing else happened. Progress into vegetarianism for vampires isn't exactly linear mistakes are bound to happen. Carlisle honestly was expecting for a slip up- if not from Jasper then from one of the others. However the slip up wasn't what was crushing Jasper. Sure he felt absolutely terrible for snapping on his mate but- seeing that his mate was terrified of him, disgusted by him. He was crushed. And with having to stay home and away from everyone else was just causing him to spiral.

Finally after a week Jasper went back to school. But he didn't feel any comfort. He learned from Alice and Bella that Y/n didn't tell anyone anything that happened. They kept their near death a secret. However he also learned that they were avoiding the Cullen clan as much as she can. He didn't know if them not telling was a good thing. If it meant that maybe they could talk about it- or if they just didn't know how to explain it to anyone else with out sounding crazy.

"You freak!"

"Mr. Hale," The teacher calls snapping him from replaying the memory for the millionth time. "Are you okay?"

Jasper wanted to laugh. Okay? No. He's never been okay. Not in his 100 plus years of being a vampire has he once been okay. No that is a lie. He was okay with Y/n. He finally felt like he had something in his life that made his eternal life worth something. And he scared that meaning away.

"Yes sir," Jasper says softly, "just tired."

He could feel the eyes of a couple of his classmates on him. Watching him curiously.

"I heard he and Y/n broke up," The girl behind him whispers to her friend, "apparently it was messy."

"Where did you hear that?" The friend asks.

"Everyone is talking about it," The girl says, "Mary Spencer said she saw then go up to the Lake Frisky then saw Y/n flying out of there a hour later. Apparently in such a hurry she almost hit Mary. And I haven't seen the two as much as look at each other since he got back."

"Wow," The friend says, "what do you think happened?"

"Who knows," The girl says, "Tracey Catcher thinks that Jasper is hooking up with one of his adopted sisters. The little one Alice. Maybe Y/n found out."

Jasper scoffs lightly. This is stupid. Listening to everyone talk like they know what's happening. Feeling the emotions of everyone in the room as they pry and poke into his failed attempt of a love life. He feels his own anger bubble up. Getting more and more intense as he catches more of the harsh whispers. Before he can snap the bell rings loudly. Bringing him back to his senses. He sighs slipping from the classroom to the lunchroom. He meets the others at their lunch table. However the complete lack of you in your spot at the table makes his heart ache.

"Jasper," Alice says softly as he sits down, "how are you holding up?"

He doesn't say anything. Instead his eyes search the cafeteria for his mate. Looking over the mess of kids at tables. Finally he sees them across the lunchroom. Sitting with a couple of their friends. They don't seem interested in whatever their friends are talking about. He watches them as they pick at their lunch. He wishes he could read minds and figure out what he needs to say to make this all better. But then he thinks about all things that could be on their mind. Things he couldn't handle. Your perspective of the memory.

"Jasper get out of your head," Edward says carefully.

"How about you get out of my head," Jasper says firmly.

"Jasper you need to calm down," Rose says, "getting mad at Edward while amusing, isn't going to fix your problems."

"I just- how do I even begin to fix this?" Jasper says softly, "I almost killed them. They begged me to stop to back away and I ignored them. I'm a monster."

"You sound like Edward," Emmet says laughing lightly.

"This is serious," Jasper says, "what do I even say? What do I do?"

"You need to talk to them," Alice says simply, "try to explain. Try to make them understand. Promise it won't happen again."

"And what if it does?" Jasper asks softly, "what if it happens again but you guys don't get there fast enough huh? What if I killed them?"

"Jasper you aren't thinking-" Bella says softly.

"He is," Edward says, "he thinks we all should leave."

"Oh come on we saw how that worked out with Bella," Rose says.

"It was different then," Jasper says, "Bella wanted to hang on. Y/n doesn't want to. They want normal. A average life with kids and a big house in a sunny place. I can't give that to them."

"Jas," Alice says softly.

"This is your mate," Rose says, "and you'd leave them?"

"I'd rather them be happy and alive then be with me and regret everything," Jasper says, "it's the best decision. And after what happened. I don't need to put their laugh at risk. It was stupid of me."

"You can't leave your mate," Bella says, "you love them."

"I do love them and that's why I'm making this choice," Jasper says, "I can't trust myself not to hurt them. It's not your decision it's mine. And I've made my mind up. We're leaving. Carlisle is already preparing for us to leave."

"You're making a mistake-"

"Maybe I am," Jas says, "but if it saves their life... I don't really care."

No one else could argue. Because at the end of the day... They believed he was right. None of them think he'd ever hurt his mate on purpose but... on accident. Another incident like the last one. It's possible and sure leaving his mate hurts but watching them die. Know he caused it. That would be a whole other level of pain. He wouldn't be able to live like that. So the Cullens decided to move again. As they were preparing the move Jasper was sneaking every last glance at you. Trying to memorize their body, their scent. Everything about them. If he has to leave he wants to prepare to severe the ties. Not that it was hard. Y/n wanted nothing to do with him. Swapping seats, ignoring his texts. Not sparing him even so much as a passing glance.

'It's for the better' Jasper reminds himself. If he disappears like this- when they already clearly doesn't want him around them then it won't hurt them. It won't break them like leaving broke Bella. They won't try to do anything to bring Jasper back. They'll let the relationship fade into nothing but memories. Just like it needs to.

After a couple days they had everything packed. Loaded up and ready to go. Esme and Carlisle had went ahead to get everything ready at the newest house. Everyone else was getting ready to leave. However they remained with Jasper as he stalls. His focus on a box full of things.

"Are you ready?" Alice asks Jasper. The blond looks down at the picture of him and his mate. He bites his lip lightly. No. He doesn't want to leave. He wants to pull his mate into his arms and hold them until the end. He doesn't want to run away.

"I want a minute," He says softly, "ya know to collect my thoughts."

"Okay," Alice says, "we'll be on our way then. Come on guys." Rose and Emmet leave with her. However Bella stays back for a second.

"Jasper," She says softly, "you know they deserve closure for all this."

"The closure is me leaving," Jasper says, "I can't hurt them if I'm not here."

"Whatever," Bella says, "I can't make you do this right. Come on Edward."

The two join the other vampires starting to pack into their cars. The go, leaving Jasper alone in the empty house. He sighs as he stares into the box of his things from his relationship. Pictures, mementos from dates, things she'd give him. He felt guilty. He felt like the world was punishing him for his past sins. As if Y/n being his mate was a cruel joke fate was playing on him. Give him the most amazing soulmate then just- make him not able to be with them. Not trust himself to protect them. To save them from himself. Hw wants to trust his hope. That maybe somehow someway he'd see them again. And they'd be able to be happy. He wants to hope for that future. But fate would never let him have it.

"So the rumors are true?" He hears a soft voice asks. He looks away from the box and turns to see his mate. His eyes widen. This can't be real. There is no way they are actually here. But it looks so real. His mate. His love. Right there. So close he could touch them. He wants to. He wants to take their hand and pull them into a soft kiss. But he knows that will only make it more painful. "You're really moving away and you aren't even saying goodbye."

"Carlisle got a new job," He lies, "a town needing doctors..."

"Bella told me you were leaving because of me," They say softly making whatever his lie was going to be pointless, "said that I should come down here and talk to you before you leave."

"You didn't have to," He says, "it was a bad idea. You should go home."

"I think I deserve an explanation," They say, "I mean- I wanna know what happened at the lake."

He tenses. He didn't want to talk about it. He didn't want to go over it. He wanted to just move on. Just leave. Run away from his problems.

"It's only fair to me," They say softly, "if you get to just leave- then I get to know."

"I'm leaving so you don't need an explanation," Jas says, "I'm leaving so you can forget what happened and me."

"I don't want to forget you Jas," They say.

"Well you should," Jasper says, "I'm not good for you."

"You don't get to decide that," They say firmly, "you don't know if you're too good for me."

"Y/n I am a monster!" Jasper snaps, "I almost killed you at the lake. If my family was any later you'd be dead. If I'm around you won't be safe."

"But I'll have you," They mumble.

"That's stupid," Jasper says, "you'd risk your life to be around a monster-"

"You're not a monster," They say, "I know you Jasper you are a great guy-"

"I'm a beast," He says, "you know that. I could kill you. I can tell how you feel. And you're scared. You're afraid of me."

"I'm afraid of losing you," They say tearing up, "Jasper I love you! I want you to stay here with me. Whatever you're going through- whatever is happening to you. I want to be there for you. To support you- to ease the pain. Because I am in love with you Jasper."

He wants to pull them in his arms and never let go. But he knows that it's dangerous. That he shouldn't be allowed to be this close to them after what happened. He backs away.

"Jasper please just talk to me," They say, "what's happening?"

"I am not normal," He says, "I'm a vampire- I'm a monster. I kill people." They stay silent. "I've killed so many people. Sometimes I don't mean it. And I tried to stop. But its so strong- the hunger.  The bloodlust- When I look at you it's so painful because I won't to protect you but I also want to devour you."

"You wouldn't hurt me," They say boldly.

"I almost killed you."

"You hesitated," They point out, "and when they knocked you away you stopped."

"That means nothing," Jasper says, "who is to say that they could do that again?"

"I say they won't have to," Y/n says, "because you won't hurt me. Because I know you love me as well."

"Y/n I'm leaving tonight," He says, "there is no changing my mind."

"So you leave," They say, "fine- I wanna come with you."

"No you have a life here- you have family here," He says, "you'll get the life you want if you stay away from me-"

"The life I want is with you," They say, "Jasper don't walk away from us."

"I'm doing this for you," He says, "I doing this to keep you alive. I'm doing this because i love you so much and I want you to have everything you've always wanted." They move closer taking his hands into theirs.

"Jas-"

"I need to be stronger if I want to be with you," he says, "I need to have more control. And I will make sure I have that control and maybe if you'll still have me- then we can get together. But now? I can't risk hurting you- or losing you. So please. Please understand I'm not doing this without thinking. Because I've thought of every alternative and this is the only solution that will work."

"Jas," They whimper.

"I promise this won't be the end of us," He says, "one day- we'll find each other again."

Y/n moves pulling Jasper into a soft kiss. He moves deepening it. Making the one kiss last for all the years they won't have each other. After a while he finally breaks the kiss so his partner can breath.

"I'm sorry," He says softly.

"I love you Jasper," They say.

"I love you Y/n," He says, "we'll meet again."

He hugs them tightly. Then steps from the house climbing into his car. He'll see them again. He has hope that he'll see them again.

@whattheheckisevengoingon @treestarrrrrrrr​ @thequeendesi​

[gabrielitas]

OK HERE ARE MORE SLIDES HSHSGA

https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/109uK-q-OktPBmv8JF-uDD9HJkq0fnmn6w3yRN8PnGVY/edit

kindly ignore the "people we know" section, i made this for a presentation party

https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/16Lg7vWr0cCqq9xNzDlGtt1BV5dINGs0Wj8oFjeqL8qQ/edit

https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/12ywRhPHnf4SqGfKkZfE6dDNQz5fDiC3KMXq_Dtjt8r4/edit

https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1-ty_5cSKcJTQmzyX19y-BOBlkG369XVTQCgogQD3WZk/edit

onto your questions!

- i indeed to band!! i play clarinet, but we have a marching season coming up so i was at percussion rehearsal. i’m one of the new drum majors for my band (so i conduct the show/im 2nd in line to the director). i’m my free time i fuck around with the ukulele and guitar. im not great but it calms me down.

are you in band?? it's so much fun dbsbsbs!! when the event ends we have to keep in touch (even if it's just to share shitty pics of me in a uniform)

1) i read svt as seventeen! it's really funny though because i don't read skz as "stray kids", i read it as "skizz" fbsbsbshja

2) i'd rather never meet them and b able to consume their content!! i've made it this far already :))

what are your answers to those two??

some sleepover questions!!

1) do you have any movie or tv show recs?? i've been watching buzzfeed unsolved and criminal minds on repeat and it's getting to me 🙄🙄 i plan on watching vip, the one about the north korean officials son, and the wind rises

2) do you have any funny school trip/ band (if your in it) stories? i have quite a few band related ones if you wanna hear them

3) where do you live (this is not supposed to be creepy). i’m from new jersey!! (we might have talked about this but i have a brain the size of a pea

4) what grade are you going into/ are you currently in. i’m gonna b a junior and i am NOT ready for it 😩😩 it's so scary

girl i have no good sleepover questions 🙄🙄 all i do at sleepovers is reenact fanfiction, watch movies, and gossip 😩

if you want gossip from new jersey -> i got drum major over a guy who's harassed me, my sister, and at least 3 of my friends and i’m so happy!! it felt so good to finally have a win 🤤🤤

ooo i’ll check out the slides later!! (i’m babysitting rn lol)

omg i don’t do band and can’t play any instruments, but i’m so jealous of ppl who do!😫 like,, u can just make music! that’s so cool!! and yes we *absolutely* have to keep in touch after the event!! (i would love to see pictures of u in ur uniform alsnksjsks)

ok so i read “ess vee tee” and ya i’d also choose consume content and never meet them, i mean,,, i’m a fan of the content so it just wouldn’t work for me to not consume it anymore lol

ok so for ur questions:

1) ok first of all i love buzzfeed unsolved!! in honor of them ending the series ive been rewatching all of it too lol (i just got to the iconic goatman episode) but i’d recommend downton abbey (i’m only on season four but i’ve rlly been enjoying it) and i’m currently making my way through disney’s tv adaptation of this book series i rlly loved in like,, late middle school-ish? it’s called the mysterious benedict society and the way they’re making the tv show feels so much like the book i rlly love it

2)uhhh so i don’t have any band stories (obvs lol) but i did dye my hair for the first time (well the first time i permanently dyed it) at midnight in the girls locker room? so i go to a rlly small jewish day school, and on the first night of hanukkah they do this thing where all the girls in the high school get to sleep over and light the candles for the first night and then watch movies and wtv and sleep in the not heated gym (and then wake up to pray and go to classes because hanukkah started the day before winter break that year and so we had to actually go to classes the next day🙄) but i had brought hair dye with me so two friends and i (shoutout to @eb4 for being one of those friends and seeing the chaos firsthand shakhskahs) left during the movie (it was parent trap so i almost stayed lol) and went down to the girls locker room and busted out the hair dye! we had to dye it in the sink cuz the school showers r 🤢 and don’t have curtains and i was already in my pajamas. so then an hour later we washed off the dye in the sink and voila! it was box black hair dye and my natural hair is rlly dark brown so it wasn’t like i was dying my hair some crazy color like the blue i have now) i for sure have other stories if u wanna hear them and i’d love to hear some band stories!☺️

3)omg it’s not creepy dw 😂 and i live in massachusetts! also i didn’t know that u live in jersey!! (ok so these two kids who joined my grade this past year r from jersey and they’re so chaotic and i get very similar vibes from u and now i’m wondering if it’s just a jersey thing sksnsjs)

4)girl i’m gonna b a junior too!! and OMG TELL ME ABT IT IM ALREADY AT SCHOOL FOR NINE HOURS A DAY AND HAVE SO MUCH HW AND THIS YEAR IM TAKING AN AP AND SELF STUDYING FOR ANOTHER IM NOT BUILT FOR THIS SKANSNAJ😭😭

omg re-enacting fanfic sounds like such a fun thing to do at a sleepover!! i only have one friend who reads fanfic and we were in seperate fandoms before covid so no fanfic re-enactments for me😔 i’ll def b putting that in my back pocket for when sleepovers r finally a thing again sjhshaha

aaaa that’s so awesome for u!!! i’m not quite sure what that means but u won and that’s always an awesome feeling!!❤️

ok now for my questions:

1) do *u* have any band/school stories???

2) do u do any extracurriculars other than band?

3) ok i know u told me u have a sister but is she younger or older? (lemme predict real quick….💭💭ur the younger one!)

4) what’ve u been doing so far over the summer?

5) shaniac or boogara?? (or shitfish lol)

i hope u have a good night and am sending u tons and tons of love!!❤️❤️

[unproduciblesmackdown]

even more prompts catchup

April 5th: What was school like for you, or what is it currently like for you if you are still in school? Elementary, high school, post-secondary?

i Hate/d school lmfao......like i do Like To Learn and Know Shit, and of course Sometimes / on some occasions it was like, hey i'm having a good to pretty great time at school, but those were usually Special occasions or teachers going out of their way to give us you know, fun projects / go beyond the Standardized Testing curriculum, which natch they couldn't always do / did require sort of going Above & Beyond, rather than being the constant, guaranteed experience of like hooray for school......it's like, oh hooray re: the Play Scenes my fourth grade english class did that was like, an Extra thing, where we got to audition and i just had a great time like oh right, clearly Theatre in retrospect, or hooray re: the field trips, or projects we did In Class, since i hated homework.......i was always that accursed (i mean, not accursed for Me, but) combination of "really a terrible student but also gets great grades" lmao i forever do things Last Minute but like, when i was At school, in class, i'd just power through whatever work there was then & there usually, and in middle school would sometimes do hw on the bus, as i was the last on the bus route to be picked up in the morning or dropped off in the afternoon, but as soon as i got home i was in Home Mode and yknow. didn't just sit down and continue School Stuff asap. also hardly ever Studying unless it's the night / morning before a test lmfao but i had a great memory for that stuff, so studying that last minute was like "yep, i Do remember this from going over it 2 seconds ago" so yknow, despite hating school / no good Study Habits(tm) or anything, i did fine. i also read a ton, at home or at school and at any other point. so i was also like, quiet and generally ~well behaved~ or whatever lol (the like "how are kids (or anyone) supposed to stay focused and on task for 7+ hours a day..." thing), segue into next paragraph

i also remember like, 3 day a week preschool being the first time i was, you know, in some sort of School and also around other kids that much, i did have this sense that like, somehow there were Rules that i wasn't following, not re: Classroom Rules or something, but wrt socializing with peers, like that everyone else had something going on in how they interacted which i wasn't gonna get right, & i had this sense of like, not really being Allowed to interact lmao, even being 4 years old i have a few distinct memories re: this of like, a) choosing to play by myself in the classroom or when outside, and b) my "best friend" being the one person who just like, chose to hang out with me lmfao, but i was like oh cool Having A Friend lmao, like i didn't Not want to have friends, i was just already aware of like, i don't feel like i can just up and interact w/these people and i don't feel like they want me to, and c) re: that being aware of whatever Rules Of Interaction existing and that i wouldn't meet them / abide by them and thus there'd be some kind of repercussion for not meeting those rules, and not being allowed, i remember that like. there was this other indoor playspace in the lower level and there were toys i wanted to play with but Refrained from, and it was like, why did 4 yr old me get the idea i Wasn't Really Allowed, and most of what i can theorize is that it was like, well other kids might want to play with that, and the Normal / Better kids should get priority lmao, and/or being nervous that it just might otherwise lead to some sort of Interaction i wouldn't feel ready for.....and d) sitting at a table with like whatever 4 or 5 other kids or something and amongst ourselves someone was like "oh put your foot in the middle if you're [x]" and i tried to join in on a technicality lmfao and also just in, you know, active efforts to be Participating with these other kids on their terms, and it did not pay off, something that repeated uhhhhh, forever i guess lol. insert that post like can allistic people be normal for 5 seconds.....

like in elementary school i wasn't really making friends either, incredibly, i was Amicably Tolerated by many people then & like, again also at any point after at least lmao (and it helps that i was generally in teachers' good graces, not that i narced on anyone ever, but i had like, my Niche as the Academically Successful One, and also i was the kid who draws, another shoutout to some post and tweet about how being The Drawing Kid was like, some measure of respect but also disdain lmfao...) and sometimes people would again like. choose to interact with me repeatedly, and i'd sort of be nonplussed at best b/c it's like, okay thanks but in this situation i didn't Choose this any more than i choose [Trying to be in the group but being rejected/excluded], so it's kinda weird, i was friends with someone for a few years in elementary school but we just were Coincidentally in the same class for those years, when we were in different classes in 3rd or 4th grade and just weren't seeing each other it fizzled out, in middle school i made another couple friends where we were all being Funny lmao, but i didn't go to high school, so once again we weren't seeing each other, and [At School] was where i always had most Interactions with people, didn't see people much outside of school even if we were hanging out / being friends During school, for [a whole tangent] reasons, so. guess the good news is i'm still in touch / friendly acquaintances with some people from school from college, but even then, there was Some more social success or whatever, but not all That much, and i was still unhappy like, not having many friends, often being like "i'm going to the cafe a block away b/c i have no social occasions here and i want to get out of the dorm / be around people," that if i was with more than one other person i could end up the third wheel friend lmao or nobody is paying attention when you talk or oh no i put myself out there hanging with a friend group but maybe people thought you were a joke or something, thanks. smh

and that like, speaking of college, i went early but this was, for my part, truly primarily driven like "well i hate school so if i can Not go to high school, okay" and like, while i got in and everything it was still like "tf is college, i've never known what i Want To Do so i wonder if i'll figure this out, but i'm not expecting to last past the first semester / year b/c this is college and i'm a terrible student actually lol" but then turns out i kept doing well enough like A's & B's like oh woops i guess i'm still here, then, hope i can figure out what tf "credit hours" means (finally did lol).....then sophomore year was a bunch of just Agonizing over "what tf do i major in," something i never figured out, wherein i might bring something up & it got parentally shot down like "never heard you talk about that" like what tf Did you hear me talk about? are you thinking i had my life figured out by age 9, b/c i didn't think that, i'm only 15/16 even Now, even being the Regular college age it's like, nobody's figuring their life out then. also i didn't tell my parents things, so. and then i settle on something that sure, Might've been of interest, but also it was like, a) a program that barely existed and req'd taking classes at a like 30 min away campus and also the head of department had Just retired and the most heinous teacher in the related fields was now in charge, brilliant and b) the sort of thing you'd just wanna start taking prerequisites for like as soon as you set foot on campus, like, great. and c) i was like, hardly feeling all the Academic Ambition anyway b/c i never had, b/c i hate/d school, and b/c i still didn't Know what i wanted to major in, and i was stressed n depressed and also realizing oh right, i'm not cishet, and oh right, i'm never going to get along with my family b/c [long tangent] reasons and that's kind of concerning, here i am impending Being 18 and like, how do i get out of this b/c it's becoming clearer that i'm not just gonna start getting along with the 'rents now that i'm not an elementary schooler and also now that i'm realizing the Reasons being at home sucks. guess i learned stuff in college lol but also it was like, the experience of getting to be Away From Home and existing every day without parents literally / figuratively over my shoulder at some point every day, and getting to do shit on my own and figure things out while Not At Home.....i also had a lot of fun taking a couple classes from this one music prof lol. he was this weird really enthusiastic and really knowledgeable guy lmao like great, these evening classes where we go over to the arts building and he plays things on the piano off the cuff and tells a lot of tangential stories while we're learning about like, beethoven technically, or folk music. didn't need those classes but they were great, i've had these teachers who were totally into whatever they were teaching and had a great time with that

also acknowledgment to the fact i was a No Extracurriculars person all through school, k thru 6 and college alike really, although i took dance class for that k thru 6 period, just that was separate from school actually (and another fun "being away from home" thing and Theatresque performance thing i enjoyed) but besides that it was like, how do i figure out what i want to do without committing to joining this whole thing, i don't know How to sign up for stuff really either, and it'd probably entail "asking for stuff" and needing to coordinate more rides and etc and that's just a hassle, and i wanna go home from school asap anyways, and then like, when it came to college, i was again at first thinking like "well idk what i'm doing and i hate homework so i'll probably mess it up in this first year anyways" and figured that doing anything Extra outside classes was just gonna be too much, and also, it's like, i've never been in these kinds of groups before and why am i gonna start in college, where there'll probably be all these people who Have done this stuff before, and are also 18? e.g. even though it was like "hey you're away from home and don't have to ask/tell anyone else anything to do this club stuff or whatever!" supposed ideal environment for trying stuff out, it was like, maybe i'm theoretically interested in auditioning for the fall theatre production, but the last acting experience i had was like, "2 month drama class in middle school" or "that 4th grade [section of a] play" so like, not really Any education or experience or Training re: any of that stuff, and a bunch of 18 yr olds who might've, or [age peers] who were theatre people who had already done stuff so they weren't getting Lead Roles or anything but they were getting cast / taking classes / joining an a capella group while i'm like right on, i'm over here with some sort of Grade Honor Society (??) saying my gpa qualifies me to join and be able to experience some further academic rigor/requirements lmfao and i'm like absolutely not. get away lol. anyways so bit of a chaotique Post K12 Zone Education Experience there lmfao, all kinds of things i'd Like to Learn and even take classes on, but didn't like, right i love learning languages but never took classes, love math and shit but only got to a certain level of calc and even then seemed to miss some Lore, never did anything re: theatre, etc and so on. so you wonder if some advantages re: high school would be like, more chances for those extracurriculars (or regular curriculars) but, as though i wouldn't have the same qualms about getting in on any of it, and as if i wouldn't've still hated school but also still been at home, F. and i think people can be a lot more normal to each other when it's college and you're Not stuck in one building together 8 hours a day lmao, got some gentle "occasional Bullying style attention" in middle school, but had juuust enough like, [that Niche of good grades / kid who draws] and people who Were friendlier to me that it was you know, unpleasant, but didn't have to be that huge a deal, and then i was outta there soon enough. also, in college many people are 18 or older, as opposed to 11 to 13. anyways the rest of my school story was that in the end the problems were "i don't know what i want to major in and also now's a worse time than ever b/c i've realized my existence At Home is untenable, and naturally i am quite depressed & stressed about things, and i gotta say absolutely virtually every adult presence was either totally unhelpful to Counterproductive here lmao, like, not much anyone could do really but it's helpful when someone is like, i'll treat you like a person vs simply just going 'uh why are you not doing the academic stuff good enough'" lmfao like. the whole time Not having friends i'd wanna talk to through class and happening to get good grades in part b/c i somehow Could as easily as i did and also i was afraid of getting C's or worse b/c "tfw i wasn't even yet in a grade that gave you A thru F grades yet but my older sister caught shit for getting a C

like :/" and etc means adults are like My Student Is Fine, and also, what are you gonna do even if they aren't, i guess. i just had to figure out completely for myself Why and How i really wasn't Fine and that was quite difficult and also took a long time. then there was a mutual prank of "i drop out of college at the tail end of things" and "now i have to be at home with parent/s more resentful of your obvious Waywardness (insert: not being cishet, and the fact it occurs to me that my being autistic was always causing 'problem' behavior i was getting shit for like, the whole time lmfao, even if nobody knew / labeled it like oh this is for ND reasons, or if it was both true i tried to come out (smh, thought i Had to b/c that was part of Not Being Cishet) and it was simply ignored / unaddressed and yet it sure fueled further specific resentment of my not Performing Gender properly, or "worse," so that went well, in that i eventually abruptly left and did not maintain contact, in the interest of "the levels to which i was thriving was like, that if i bailed and like died 50 hrs later it'd still be what i want to do," true to that i did not / don't regret it. and what do you know, i was first able to bail to a relatively nearby friend from college's home, whose family also liked me lmao. shoutout to school still being where i made Any friends, except a friend i made who was a coworker of several years. and Online Friends, which, another school connection, that like, i can more readily Connect w/people via talking about interests, something that happened Sometimes at school in person lmao but not much, but also that i Talk About Interests in a way through Drawing, which, well shoutout to doodling in the margins of papers throughout school lmfao, it didn't hurt! that's my saga.

oh and that footnote, i also really enjoyed the "in middle school you either take language classes or 4 Electives you rotate through each year" and those electives sure featured some more varied and hands on activities i had a great time with. shoutout to like, cooking, and to shop class, my Car Designs were great apparently, idk how. shoutout to my Intuition re: engineering or something lmaoo.....very fun to just end the schoolday in that big garage space where you could actually open that garage door right to where all the buses were, beautiful. Oh, and that's another footnote, when my last class of the day in 8th grade was english, i'd sometimes finish work early and my teacher would let me go to our spacious library, with the v nice librarian who'd recommend books to me she thought should be checked out more often b/c she knew i liked to read that much, and also just generally had teachers / other adult staff kinda wandering in at the end of the day, talk about "i don't really relate to other ppl my age" where i did generally prefer to be around adults, so that was fun. oh and also shoutout to hating school lmao wherein during like, middle school when the schoolday started at like 7:30am or smthing disgusting and i just learned to like, view whatever time it was in a "at least it's almost [x]" like well okay, first period is math and that kinda sucks but at least once it's over this hardest part of the day will be over, then next class is kinda more chill at least, and then it'll be the last period before lunch, etc etc etc where i could sort of keep up that stamina like telling myself at any point it was Almost [a more encouraging time of day] lmao like. kinda fucked up to have to be dragging yourself through the weekdays like that, but

Oh! goddamn and i didn't even get into that if i ever got in ~trouble~ in elementary school it was stuff like Not Paying Attention, but where half the time that might be some other kid beside me messing around lmfao and i'm not gonna be like "uhhh follow the rules!!!" (and that even when i was In Trouble like go sit in the chair where you have to be quiet there for like 10 min i might say something to some other kid in that zone and they'd be like "um it's the quiet chair you have to be quiet!!" or "uh we're getting into the next lesson and you have to put that book back asap" like wow these other kids are dweebs about Rules lmfao) and there'd just be times like, it's 1st grade and i know how to read pretty well already but we're going over the alphabet like stoppp i know the Phonics already........or the ways ND people can kind of Intuit some stuff more successfully, like in third grade learning multiplication i neverrrrr studied but just broke it down like, okay i remember the Fives b/c of telling time, i know the 2x table and stuff, i know the commutative property, if we're all the way at the 8x and i haven't Memorized stuff, i can still like, break it down to say, [5 x 8] + [8 x 2] or something when i see 8 x 7, even if it takes a second lmfao.......and stuff like the tragedy of when i Did make a friend in like, 2nd grade, who i think we didn't even talk to each other ever?? i was playing legos or smthing by myself once during Indoor Recess and she just started playing agreeably along with me, aka someone socializing on My Terms apparently as our Introduction, and we just were friends past that but one time, not even during a Lesson Session, we were messing around quietly making each other laugh as the incredibly important process of "put papers in your folders" was going on, and since we were Not Paying Attention for some reason the teacher made a whole example of it where i had to carry my desk across the classroom for the Shaming Element of it and also so that i had to permanently sit way further from that friend, so that was kind of discouragement re: interacting at all. thank you to that teacher, who'd later once Gesticulate to me from across the gym that i should put my arms down at my sides rather than being crossed (we were rehearsing some class performance) & i had no idea what she was trying to convey, so afterwards she told me i had to have Reduced Recess Time or some shit because of Ignoring her instead of putting my arms down lmfao. and i was irritated at having been misinterpreted / my Intentions dictated to me and punished like that, but i was also used to it from adults lmfao and did not bother explaining myself lol like yeah god forbid i left my arms crossed on purpose and now i have to read some more during recess. tl;dr school has so much nonsense & i def had some Times re: being autistic & also just being someone who hated school forever lmao, think it was Also 2nd grade where one arbitrary sunday night i just cried out of frustration at having to go back for another normal school week. classic. oh and that also, while i wasn't like "oooo booksmart people who hate not having a Definitive Correct Answer to things &/or ohhh autistic ppl So Good at math, in a way everyone hates and disrespects, but they suck at Literature/Arts which requires you to reflect on humanity and shit," like, not only was i the drawing kid but i was also apparently ahead of the curve as it were at like, Literary Analysis lmfao where there was a few times in elementary school i'd be the kid providing the Interpretation like "what's this poem about / what's the theme or Symbolism in this story," but from elementary school to college it's like, for god's sake don't ask me to come up with a story / work with some really open ended prompt, i don't Invent in that way, and when i try to draw on Inspiration i'll get stuck on some specific source and be unable to do anything but just rip it off really lmao. but then again i was prolific in "it's 1st grade and you write and illustrate a little short story or smthing in these booklets

that we then have a simple little binding process for" like ohhh fancy, i got a tootsie roll lollipop at Awards Time for writing a shit ton of those lol. but that's like, when you're too young to have that much of a Creative Process anyways lmao. but then, my older sister, whose Thing was writing, has an incredible 2 Volume like, noir mystery saga from those elementary school times, it's a classic lmao. anyways once again so much to say about School lol closing the door after meandering on that one for this long lol

April 6th: Are you able to drive? If so, was it difficult to learn? What was difficult about it? If not, do you use any alternatives?

i did learn to drive, tbh just universally it's like, at any point you're driving there's A Lot to pay attention to at once, even if you think you're Good At That or whatever, which i sure don't think i always am lol, and it's pretty wild we just, you know, let everyone go around as fast as they want in machines that can kill you or someone else, and this is also Unnecessary b/c like, let's have accessible & reliable public transit so that everyone can travel without Needing to have a car / someone else who will drive them. i didn't think i had too much trouble learning to drive, but it had to help that i just took it very seriously from the start lmao like, well, i'm quite aware i could kill someone with this. the driving classes i took were alright, i remember the instructor being pretty chill and friendly lol. rip to the fact i could be tense when driving with parent/s, when driving a manual i'd always like screech the tires when accelerating out of a Stop, until all at once it was like "and i'm driving that manual car alone on a road trip & wouldn't you know it, only literally once did i have that issue of not getting out of a stop smoothly enough" lmao like the Anxiety......really like yeah i had an alright time learning and think i'm solid enough at driving / like doing it, theoretically, but Driving Is Wild just in general and let's have that public transit

April 7th: How are you with sarcasm and/or metaphors/figures of speech? Do you interpret things very literally?

i think i Usually get what people mean with these Devices but i can't really say lol, but anytime you know, someone is being more Implicit in what they say, plenty of times i can infer one implication and only later realize they probably meant a different one, or yknow, i make whatever initial inference i make and can be stuck like "???" and have to like, mentally run diagrams about the interaction lol......meanwhile i'm not always remembering that like, if i'm shifting context mentally that's necessarily able to be inferred by whoever i'm talking to lol, whether it's about getting into some adjacent topic or like, i don't think it tends to be very clear even in person when i've started being sarcastic lmao, like i know that can be true for anyone but it's like well, guess i gotta make it clearer i'm doing a bit......flipside of that or something lmao that people are more Obvious than they think they are sometimes about like, idk, when someone is sort of making some sarcastic remark to you but the sarcasm is also sort of only to themself, aka just like okay i know you mean this more dismissively / disparagingly than re: what you're saying just at face value lol like. just always fun >:/

[jtrbluv]

need(y) | jjk

pairing: jungkook x reader

genre: angst/fluff

word count: 3.6k

warnings: swearing

request: Hello!! Could I get a jungkook angst/fluff imagine where you guys are becoming distant and you leave for some space and he doesn’t know and thinks that you left him?? Sorry if it’s confusing, thank youuuu :)

a/n: sheesh! this was not supposed to be this long HAHA. sorry this took so long to write school just started and it’s fr kicking my ass. i’ve already gotten so much hw for the first week grrrr. i rushes the ending a bit so i’m not quite satisfied and i didn’t edit it either so um sorry about it LOL. anyways thanks for requesting this anon!! in honor of his bday too ig haha, hope u enjoy it :)

☏ ☏ ☏

Missed Calls:

y/n <3 (11)

6:45- lmk when ur coming home i can’t wait to see you <33

8:30- u must be busy at the studio it’s okay i’ll wait

9:47- hey it’s okay if ur coming late but could u just give me a heads up

11:02- jungkook?

12:17- happy belated anniversary to you too ig

1:56- i needa stop getting my hopes up huh

Being in a relationship with a worldwide famous idol is never easy. Learning to understand and appreciate the value of the relationship regardless of its limited-time came easy to you. That’s one of the reasons why he became interested in you in the first place. You never came off as overbearing and clingy and you always understood why things had to be different. And that added to the list of things he already absolutely adored about you.

It had been a year since Jungkook had confessed to you backstage that night, asking you to be his lover and promising that he would cherish you like no one ever will. And you can confidently say he very much did at the beginning, commonly known as the honeymoon stage. Things only started to fizzle out and go downhill a few months ago. His group was scheduled for a new comeback. He was promoting and traveling around the world while you were on the sidelines and comfort of your home, cheering him and his group on. Daily texts and calls kept both of you grounded and steady, but as time passed by, those texts and calls ceased to exist. You had been constantly ignored and you didn’t think much of it at first, after all, he was a busy man with a busy schedule. The tour had finally been coming to an end and he’d have the opportunity to come home to you, just in time for your one year anniversary. He had flown in 2 weeks precedent to your anniversary, and fuck, you were so happy to be with him again.

He had made a promise to you that you two would get to spend a lot more time together as he was coming back. You two had finally been living together again after what seemed like years as his group had gotten a break after such a hectic year. He would go to his company need to work on future projects and such and it didn’t bother you at first. He would typically come back home late while you were sleeping and leave early in the morning before you would wake up. As it occurred more frequently, you started to become more concerned. He was finally home for once and he wasn’t even making time to see you. You didn’t want to seem annoying and clingy so you decided to push these thoughts to the back of your head and keep them to yourself.

-

You had agreed to have a celebration at home, figuring all the restaurants in the vicinity would be closed by the time he’d get home. You patiently waited in the living room, coffee table filled with his favorite foods and snacks you were able to pick up at the local convenience store. He had told you the night before he’d be coming home at 9, a little later than you liked, but you let it slide nonetheless. You essentially cherished all the time you had with him anyway, whether it be a minute, an hour, or a month.

You mindlessly sat in the living room, not paying attention to whatever was playing on the TV. Your ears were constantly alert and peeled, waiting for a familiar car to pull up to your driveway. Your eyes constantly shifted back to your front window, scanning the neighborhood to see if he was back yet or not.

Time ticked by like molasses, your patience and tolerance wavering as it went on. There were no signs of him and he wasn’t answering any of your calls and texts. You were in complete disbelief at the fact that he didn’t have the decency to spend time with you on your first anniversary. Everything you had been holding in was starting to seep out of you, anger and sadness fuming from your system as you ask yourself the same question: Why do you constantly put yourself in this situation? Being hopeful for something just to let it get torn down again. Is that what your relationship has turned into? An insurmountable lost hope?

For the first time, you realized all you’ve been doing his abiding by him, waiting for his cues, going off of his beck and call. You were being walked all over, and you didn’t realize until that moment. For the first time, you were fed up.

You groan in frustration as you snatch your phone from the coffee table. It was 2:34 AM. You furrow your brows as you see how late it is, and how many hours it’s been since he was supposed to come home. Your emotions took control of you as you hastily shut off the TV, charging into your room as you recklessly grab one of your backpacks and stuff random clothes into it.  You grab the nearest hoodie you could find and slipped it on as you grabbed your wallet, keys, and phone. You abruptly halt at the doorway, deciding to write a small note for him before you left. What were the chances he would see it anyway?

I need some time alone to think. Please do not contact me during this time. -Y/N

You stormed out of the house, slamming the door shut behind you. You quickly started your car and pulled out of your driveway and into the streets. You didn’t know where you were going, but you just didn’t want to stay in that house any longer. The streets were empty and the sky was dull and overcast. You let the streets guide you, taking whatever twist and turn you happened to encounter. Your hands were gripped tightly along the steering wheel as tears slipped out of your eyes. You quickly wipe them away as you recalibrate your focus on the road ahead of you. You decided it’d be best to stay at a hotel for now, until you could think of a better solution to all of this. You were able to find a hotel that had lower rates since you literally bought it on the spot.

You checked into the hotel and quickly escaped to your room. You throw your backpack to the floor as you lower yourself into the cold, unfamiliar sheets of the bed. You contemplate your options. As much as you didn’t want to admit, all your actions leading up to that moment had been caused by pent up rage and frustration in the heat of the moment. In spite of that, you didn’t regret what you had done. It felt as if time had frozen and it would only continue once Jungkook became aware of what you had done. So you were going to wait.

-

Jungkook stumbled into the home, hair disheveled and vision blurry from his near sleepless night. While working at the studio he had unknowingly fallen asleep while working on a track. All of his members had already gone back home so there was no one to wake him up or remind him of his girlfriend that was waiting patiently back home for him, ready to celebrate a long-awaited and special day.

All traces of the anniversary had slipped his mind as soon as he slid into a deep slumber back at the studio. He trudges around the house and his eyes land on the organized display of snacks on the coffee table. His eyes shift to the blanket and pillow that you two tended to share was all crumpled on the couch. The lightbulb immediately lit in his mind as he put the pieces together and his eyes widen in absolute horror. He had forgotten your anniversary.

“Oh my god, I’m so fucking stupid!” he exclaims, the tone of disbelief in his voice increasing as he realizes his mistake.

“Y/N!” he cries out to you as he runs around the house, searching in all the rooms to see if you were there. He almost forgets the phone that laid in his back pocket until he takes it out, hoping to call you in hopes that you would respond. His phone lights up only to show how indecently late he was, 5:43 a.m, and the amount of missed calls and texts from you, the disappointment and dejection he sensed from you increasing as he read each text you sent to him. His jaw dropping incredulously as he shuts his eyes and takes a deep exhale.

“Fuck, what have I done?” he huffs out, his voice small and full of somber. The fact that he had forgotten a day as important as this was already encompassing his mind but more so, he couldn’t find you and it deeply startled him, he didn’t know where you were and where you could be at this hour. He walks back into the living room where he assumes you had been waiting and his focus shifts to the kitchen where he notices a small notepad and pen along with a torn piece of paper that seemed to have something inscribed on it. He squints as he walks towards the kitchen. He took the paper in his hands as he immediately recognizes your handwriting and his breath hitches as he reads your name. His feet stay rooted to the wooden tile of the kitchen as he freezes there with the paper in his hands. Dumbfounded was an understatement to whatever Jungkook had felt at that moment in time. A tear had involuntarily slid down his cheek. Was this it? Was this the end? Were you going to leave him and never come back? These were only a few out of the heap of questions that were running through his head. All he knew was that he needed to find you. And he needed to fix the mess he had just made.

Similar to you he had bolted out of the house and drove off, unaware of where you actually were but he figured if he had searched for long enough, he would be able to find you.

You had slept deep into the day, finally getting up only because you started to notice the consistent vibrations that came from your bedside table. Naturally, you figured it was Jungkook, you didn’t tell anyone else of your whereabouts since it was so sporadic and you certainly didn’t feel like conversing or informing anyone of your situation. Out of curiosity and the annoying blare of your phone, you decide to see who it is anyway. Much to your surprise, your best friend Seulgi’s beaming smile flashed on your phone screen as you pick up.

“Seulgi, hi,” your voice manages to croak out as you adjust to the sunlight peeking out of your window.

“Y/N, where the hell are you?” she immediately asks, you can basically hear the frown lines etched into her forehead.

You groan into the mic of your phone as you speak back, “Seulgi, I can explain-”

“Jungkook’s been looking for you all night and asking everyone where you are,” she cuts you off.

“Seulgi,” you exhale, trying to suppress your anger, “he forgot our anniversary.”

“Oh my god.” she gasps, “you’re joking.”

“Did he not tell anyone?!” you shriek into the phone.

“No! He just said you left and he was looking for you and he was really scared and he even sounded like he was on the verge of tears and once I said I didn’t know where you were he just hung up!” she rambles on and on.

“Okay, yeah, he forgot and I got mad and I left,” you reveal, voice barely over a whisper.

“Y/N, I don’t blame you,” she reassures you, voice softening, “but, I think you should confront him about this.”

“Yeah, I know. I just needed some time to cool off and think.”

“Well, do you plan on breaking up with him?” she speaks timidly.

“I- I don’t know. I mean, I don’t want to. I want to hear what he has to say.” you stutter, your mind in a complete frenzy.

“Hasn’t he been paying less attention to you these last couple of months?” she asks, “I rarely see you two go out anymore.”

“Yeah cuz we really don’t,” you confirm. “He’s been so focused on his career which I understand but, sometimes it just feels like he doesn’t even acknowledge the fact that he has a girlfriend.”

“Then why haven’t you told him that.”

“I don’t want to seem like the type of girlfriend to hold him back from doing what he loves. He’s invested so much time into his career.”

“Y/N, obviously not telling him how you feel has resulted in this mess. And okay, before you attack me, if he doesn’t have the decency to spend time with his girlfriend every once in a while then he doesn’t deserve your time and energy in the first place,” she advises you.

“I know that Seulgi, that’s all I’ve been thinking about all night.”

“Then talk to him Y/N,” she softly mutters, “for the sake of your relationship with him.”

You hum in agreement but as you’re about to hang up she interjects, “Okay, but just remember, I’ll support whatever decision you make next. I know you’re wise enough to know what you deserve and what’s best for the two of you. Always here for you Y/N.”

“I don’t know where I’d be without you Seulgi. I’ll update you. I’ll head out now.” you smile into the phone.

“You got this Y/N!” she cheers as you hang up.

You had clear intentions on your mind but you couldn’t help but feel anxious and uncertain about what was to happen between you and Jungkook.

jungkook, i’m in sunset central hotel. if you want to talk, come here as soon as you can. Thanks.

Jungkook’s eyes widen to the size of saucers as soon as he saw your name flash onto his screen. He redirects his GPS to the hotel you were at, a 45-minute drive. He didn’t care, he just needed to find you.

-

You waited at the foot of your bed, feeling extremely uneasy about the whole confrontation. Your foot was constantly tapping on the wooden floors, as you played with your hands and glance back at your phone to check the time.

-

Jungkook finally reaches his destination as he surges through the front doors of the hotel, asking the front desk if you were still staying over. The front desk had called you and informed you that someone had come to see you and if it was okay for them to come over. You hesitantly obliged, cowering every time you heard Jungkook answering whatever questions he was required to answer.

It never really registered through Jungkook’s mind that he was supposed to talk to you. He just planned on spilling his heart out and hoping it would be enough for your forgiveness and just being able to hold you in his arms again.

He takes his time getting to your room. His movements are lethargic and hesitant, taking the time to gather his thoughts. He reaches the floor your room is on as he steps out of the elevator and scans the area to find where your room would be. He slowly walks as he sees your room number, he knocks softly at the door, staring at his shoes.

Your head snaps to the sound of his knocks, you take a deep breath as you stand up and slowly creak open the door. You don’t even bother to try to share any eye contact as you widen the door and motion him to come in.

“Y/N,” he begins, eyes still focused on the floor, “I’m,” he exhales, “I’m so sorry.” He slowly tilts his head up, analyzing your body language. Your hands were clasped in front of you as your eyes shifted back and forth to everything but Jungkook. You could feel his stare burning into you but dismissed it.

“Is that-,” you mutter, “is that all you came here to say to me?

“No!” he interrupts, causing you to flinch. His face softens at your reaction, “I- I fell asleep while working on a song and lost track of time.”

Your jaw clenches at his statement as you take a moment to let what he had told you sink in,  “And that makes it all okay?”

“No, of course, it doesn’t-”

“Jungkook, we were supposed to spend this time together with each other. You’re on an actual break for once and you’d still rather dedicate all your time to it instead of spending time with me. All your other members have been going on trips, seeing family, hanging out with friends,” you huff out, glaring at him as he looks at his shoes, “do I not matter to you anymore?”

Your last statement almost made him meltdown right there on the spot. The fact that he had made you believe that he didn’t care about you at all was already bad enough as it is.

He takes a step towards you and looks you straight in the eye, “No, Y/N,” he sighs in exasperation, trying to piece together what he was going to say, “we’ve just been getting so much publicity and gaining so much popularity and fame, I feel like they expect so much from us. And from me. I’m the Golden Maknae, I have to be good at everything and be able to do anything, but in reality, nothing’s working out and I’ve just been stressed as hell and wanting to see you.”

“I’ve never left Jungkook until yesterday, I’ve always been there waiting,” you reveal slowly, “and I really always want to be here for you. Ever since the tour, you stopped contacting me and I just thought you were busy but in the back of my mind, I started thinking that you just didn’t care anymore.”

“But I do, I always did.” he says, taking a step towards you.

“You haven’t proven otherwise, and I don’t want to reach this breaking point just so we can be happy and go through this all over again.” your voice cracks.

“I know, I don’t want that either, but, if this was bothering you for so long, why couldn’t you tell me earlier?”

“Do I really have to remind my own boyfriend to spend time with me?” you scoff as you shake your head in disbelief.

“Y/N, I didn’t mean that, I mean we’ve never had any problems in our relationship up until now, and now that I’m thinking about it, you could’ve told me off and broke up with me a long time ago, but you never told me when you had any problems with me. Yes, I know the things I did were stupid as fuck but Y/N, being in a relationship while balancing my career is still new to me. I’m absolutely clueless and stupid and I need you to guide me so I can be there for you.”

“I-,” you sighed heavily, “I didn’t want to intrude. You’ve worked so hard to get to where you are and I didn’t want to fuck it up.”

“Hey, I’m always willing to give up time for you.” his responds as his eyes soften, “I know it sure as hell may not seem like it, but you shouldn’t prioritize my needs or whatever you think my needs are over yours. Now I’ve just been taking advantage of your leniency. How did I not notice? Fuck, I’m such a dumbass.”

You honestly didn’t know how to respond to that, you knew what you were doing was selfless and you were extremely patient about it all, “I just figured that was the last thing you wanted you know, another thing to worry about on top of your career.”

“I thought about that at first too,” he agreed, biting his lip, “I realized later on that it really shouldn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. I care about you too much to let that happen and the more I got to know you, I realized that, well, you were worth it.”

You could feel his intense glare without even sparing him a glance, “Am I still worth it to you?”

You feel his hand envelop your own as steps towards you once again, “You always will be.”

“You’re making it really hard for me to keep being mad at you,” you huff, tightening your grip around his hand.

He noticed the fact that you were still avoiding eye contact and you remained distant. He tugs on your hand and pulls you close to him, breaking your personal barrier. He pulls you into a warm hug, something you both had craved for so long. The longing and acceptance for one another was mutual, but where were you two supposed to do from there on out?

He loosens his hold on you and pulls away slightly, “Are we okay?”

For the first time that day your eyes met his as you replied, “Yeah, we’re okay.”

Only time would tell.

-

-

-

MASTERLIST

[astroellipse]

writing *ranting about ffxiv while I wait for a queue to pop

I was so sad man... I’m just trying to do the Hildebrand questline- it popped in the middle of writing that oh my god.

What I was going to say is that I thought this queue for the quest line’s third trial was going to be 15 minutes like the last two but saw it was instead “more than 30 minutes”, and given the last time I queued for a trial that said that it took two hours, I was a little concerned. To my surprise it popped initially just seven minutes in... until someone backed out. Then I started writing this. Then it popped, I waited half a minute, and someone withdrew again. And a third time immediately after. On the fourth time I actually got in. That was ridiculous. I’ll still continue writing though, since finishing the first Hildibrand saga is a good breaking point.

That was, to be expected, hilarious. A lot of it, anyhow. Some of it just sort of hurt. The funniest moment wasn’t even during the questline, it was during the first trial with Gilgamesh. Both me and the bard were inflicted with confusion and just started blasting each other. Him knocking arrows and all but stabbing them into my forehead, and me casting ruin directly into his eyes at point blank range. That and the getting turned into a frog and getting chased by chickens. Literally nothing can top that encounter for me.

I straight up did not care about the mystery/plot the majority of the time, but I guess I should expect by now that I’ll always enjoy the characters more than whatever mediocre plot they’re tangled in. Just. The Coliseum quests specifically mostly pissed me off. The pervy tentacle monster. The needless racism. The whole thing with painting a poor person wanting to find an easy way to not be poor as undeniably evil which the game KEEPS doing makes me so fucking mad, in combination with stewing about these other themes in JRPGs especially with being all “boo-hoo, won’t anyone thing about how hard it is being rich and noble, all the responsibility, how dare these dirty poors even think about getting revenge on the very people that keep them down.

Why aren’t they just happy with what they do have? They should just put in more work if they want to eat a warm meal, even though we’ve already established there’s no work to be had. Like jesus christ I’d swear some of the shit in this game and others was being written by some 17 year old medieval lordling with too much free time between tutoring sessions. What is these peoples’ obsessions with nobility? Like I get it makes for good fantasy content but have at least a little bit of self consciousness.

I feel like I always see these games acknowledge some kind of class structure and how it negatively effects those in its lowest rungs then shrug it off as “there’s nothing anyone can do about it” and paint the impoverished as villains for being upset with the people that do have the power to change it. Sort of a tangent but this specifically is why I despised and kind of relationship between Dorothea and Ferdinand in Three Houses. She calls him out and rightfully so in the first support, then he makes a batch of pastries completely from scratch one time and this apparently makes her think that all nobles aren’t so bad? Going from straight up not wanting nobles to exist to thinking hey, they’re people too :). I hate that. I hated that FE3H characters were mostly nobles or come from notable/rich families or whatever.

Similarly I hate that FFXIV has such a huge focus on the upper crust and just completely discards and lower-class person. Like, there was a mission where I had to check on some scared refugees and they attacked me in self defense and it made me kill them? And I reported back to the guy who asked me to check on them and he just went “Ah well, what can you do.” Like what the fuck is wrong with these writers sometimes???

I was about to say this was more of an issue with ARR but remembered how the people of the Brume were treated in HW, like a mob of bumbling idiots in desperate need of guidance. What drove me insane the most on that front was when the people were on the brink of revolt after that one girl basically martyred herself, and to remedy this Aymeric decided his order and the grand companies would have their little sparring mach, because nothing sparks patriotism more like sports. Even though this left the city with significantly less protection. And that it was held in an area where not a single citizen could see it. Also, the group the people were supposed to be rooting for was the order of knights and their lapdogs (Hilda’s group) which. just. none of it made sense. It was stupid. This kinda shit makes me afraid to eventually get to Stormblood and into the thick of the Ala Mhigo stuff which they have handled TERRIBLY so far like it boils my blood to think about it. This game is so racist it’s unreal.

but. god. I was talking about the Hildibrand questline. The bit on Costa del Sol was probably the closest I came to caring about the plot, plus it had some pretty good bits. Wasn’t a fan of the big “man in a dress” at the end, though it did make me think that men should be allowed to wear dresses in this game like it would’ve looked fine without the goofy hair and makeup :/ And I completely checked out on whatever that last bit of story was no I do not care that that one girl we’ve been traveling with was the thief all along I have never liked her. Also she played into that class issue I just ranted about. The reveal of her sister was also cheap and stupid. The elezen inspector professing his love for her was also weird? My first thought during that was “jesus christ man she was trying to commit mass mur-” and then I remembered that I/my WoL was crushing on Ysale before she got axed which comes in at #2 for funniest moment in this questline. Him doing that still came out of nowhere save one or two short scenes in separate quests to me.

But I’m exhausted of this now. I might go and start the next saga but I’ll probably go to sleep early... if anything has made me rethink playing past the free trial it’s the shit above but I’ll be honest I am pretty darn likely to cave. I can only hope the writers sorted at least some of their shit out between expansions.

[josaeul]

Love Confessions PT 1° BTS

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☽: Pairing: BTS (OT7) x Female Reader / First Person

_____

☽: Au: Momentary High School Au! Yandere !

☽: Word Count: 30K

☽: Chapters Here: 13/(Currently)26

☽: Summary: It didn’t matter that you didn’t know them, it didn’t matter if you had your own plans; it did matter if you didn’t return their love.

______

☽: A/N: Hi, I’m Dio/Ado! I used to have another tumblr account where I originally published LC but it soon became more of a “personal” so I took it down, while I didn’t publish chapters here I did publish up to 26 chapters in other platforms, so instead of publishing 26 1k-3k words I meshed them all together into 2 parts, as of now the story is still ongoing so there will be more than 30 chapters (my original estimate). If anyone is wondering, this fic has been ongoing since the 7th of July, 2018 and has been on-and-off in the works, mainly because I’m still in high school and it’s h a r d to have a schedule when you’re swamped with hw. This is edited but there may be spelling errors and bad usage of full-stops and commas where they’re very wrong (I mainly speak, not write in english lol that’s why I’m better verbally speaking than writing) but bare with me; english isn’t my first language!

Because this fic is so damn long, especially here on Tumblr where I decided to mash up some chapters, I’ve added a key for the recommended rest/stop place! It’s this  “____ღ”, this is where the original chapter ends!

________

It’s been going on for ages ever since I moved back here strange notes have littered my locker everyday. Love confessions as a matter of fact. They made no sense, the situation made no sense they weren’t written by the same person but they were written by the same group of people. Honestly, at the beginning I found them to be quite cute they were written with such fondness it made my heart flutter. It was clear they were written with care, each word delicately being chosen, that time had been spent crafting each. But as more time went on they became more aggressive, possessive, threatening and even demanding. Still, these people continued to declare their love but showed strong aggression towards my friends and family at the same time. The notes started to include personal information, from where I lived to what underwear I had been using that day. I suddenly felt unsafe like my safety and life was being analyzed and used against me. Suddenly wasn’t just notes soon there were eyes following me too and in those moments where I felt eyes following me as I walked around the schools' hallways, I hid on the rooftop where I knew that this stalker, or stalkers, would leave me alone. Or at least for a moment or at least I thought so, I hoped.

Today I was clutching my bag tightly as I made my way behind the gray wall of the roof, where I’d hide whenever I felt those eyes following me around, one that was meant to keep us away from the storage room, and failed to do so, when suddenly a girl, probably a few years older than me, walked in followed by a fellow student; a boy. And the boy was none other than the one and only Jeon Jeongguk. Seeing his stupidly handsome face made me scowl, I quickly hid behind the wall and listened in to hear what was happening I didn’t want him to think of me as a loner that couldn’t make any friends other than him because I could.

I knew Jeongguk we were actually best friends when I first lived here. We’d go everywhere together, the park, the movies, we’d also go to each other’s house so often we had the others’ clothes and some belongings there, it had gone to such a point where our parents began planning our wedding. At the time the thought of marrying Jeongguk made me cringe because we were best friends but now just the thought of breathing the same air as him made me want to cut off my oxygen intake and just suffocate a slow and painful death. In other words; I, [Whole Name] [Last Name], hated Jeon Jeongguk with my life.

He became the embodiment of what he, we, used to hate. So coming back home to Jeongguk version two felt like I had lost a friend, a part of me and I did. Jeongguk forgot completely about what we had, about me. He became cold and he distanced himself, started hanging out with the ‘cool kids’, or whatever. I don’t care at least not now. I could make new friends, I could act cold, I could ignore him and I did. But did I want to? No, not really. But at the same time, if this was Jeongguk now, I don’t want anything to do with him.

At the beginning when I had just come back I did my best to become friends again but with how he was acting and seeing him act like such a dick made me want to beat him up, he had completely forgotten and ignored me, he didn’t even spare a glance my way. The only time I’d go to his house now was when Mrs. Jeon, his mom, invited me to help her cook and try to bring us together again. But every time I went there he’d either ignore me or throw insults at my face, and after that he’d just stare at me for the rest of my stay there.

The last time I went was over a little over a month ago and it was solely to take the things I’d left there when I was younger. I did my best to go when I knew he had football practice so I didn’t have to meet him. That day I made sure to call his mom to get her to lend me her keys something she happily did at the end of the day I was [Family Nickname] the girl that helped their shy son and became his first friend. I took with me some boxes, I don't remember exactly what or how much I left, but whatever it was I was taking it back. Jeongguk had made it rather clear he didn’t want anything to do with me so I made him a favor taking back my stuff back. The minute I stepped foot inside the house I noticed a pair of my favorite shoes there, I probably left them there when we said goodbye so when I came back I could leave with my special shoes, how cringy. Mrs. Jeon probably left them there they looked so clean as if someone had just bought them, I could imagine her cleaning the shoes everyday. Laughing a bit I took the shoes and placed them in one of the boxes I had brought, maybe Mrs. Jeon would miss them but Jeongguk wouldn’t. As I made my way to the living room, everywhere I went something was there. My old portable game console, a few books I had been looking for, some random hair ties, those looked too childish to be from Mrs. Jeon and I don’t think Jeongguk would use hair ties either, some toys, and like that I found bits and pieces of my childhood everywhere, it felt nostalgic and to some point my heart ached. And it all went into one of my boxes, so by the time I had walked all the first floor all traces of my belongings had left and all that was left was the second floor,  I had filled up the of one of then cardboard boxes I had brought, I still had two left and one that I had brought full of his belongings he’d left when we were young that my mom had kept just in case he’d need them back. I made my way up to where the rooms were I noticed how the only one that had my old stuff was Mrs. and Mr. Jeon’s and Jeongguk’s bedroom, the guest rooms and Junghyun’s room where practically bare with no traces of the family, much less me. His parents' room had a few pictures and a few tacky drawings me and Jeongguk had made, those I didn’t touch, I even noticed how in her dresser Mrs. Jeon still had the bead bracelets I made her. But the room that shocked me the most was Jeongguk’s, his room was filled with my stuff and I didn’t know if two boxes would be enough for all of it. He had stuff from pictures of the two of us to even my old plushie I brought with me when we had sleepovers, just to name a few that stood out. He kept it all and I didn’t really know how to feel. I snapped to my senses and quickly took all I could fit in my boxes and as I did a big part of me felt weirded out. Why did he act like he hated me so much if he kept all of this, it took me over all almost an hour to clear his room but it felt right, no pictures or plushie; no [Name]. He wasn’t going to be reminded I ever existed now. Good, I didn’t want to be remembered by him. I took the box I had brought myself and left it neatly on his bed, quickly wrote a small note explaining what I had done and why. I didn’t apologize, why would I? He erased himself from my life emotionally, and even went as far as avoiding me, so might as well say physically too. I was doing the same thing, but as I took out my boxes and walked back home I couldn’t help but feel guilty and empty. After that I ignored the Jeon’s. I didn’t go to their house, only waving to them when we stumbled on the supermarket, didn’t really pick up their calls leaving my parents to do so, only going over if I knew my parents or someone else I knew was going too. Basically never. I had erased them from my life; but most importantly I erased him.

If only I had seen how Jeongguk reacted to seeing all his collection gone.

So, seeing him now being dragged all the way over here probably for a love confession made me cringe and hard. Seeing your ex-best friend being asked out definitely felt weird. And I felt a strange pang in my chest as I looked at the girl, her name was Sakura and she was cute. The different kind of cute I was, I mean am I even cute to begin with? Maybe that’s what his ideal type is, the opposite of me. Why was I being so damn petty?

As they walked towards the railing of the roof I pressed myself closer to the walls, I didn’t want to get caught somewhere I wasn’t supposed to be, much less by Jeongguk. Plus, as wrong as it was, I wanted to see how it turned out. As much as I say I hate him, he still played a part in my life, a part I wasn’t about to truly forget or replace.

The girl shyly fixed her hair behind her ear as she spoke, she took her time probably nervous, “W-well, Jeongguk... I know you must get this a lot...”

”Oh god, please hurry up!” He exclaimed impatiently. God he was such a dick.

”Ah, ok! I like you, a lot. I know you’ve dated prettier girls and I may not be the best but-“

”Cut it, will you? I don’t know you, what even is your name Sana? Sinb? Sarah? Look, I guess you’re not that bad, but come on, me? Please, don’t waste my time like this, this is unnecessary.”

”Wh-what?” The pretty girl choked out, I wasn’t really looking by now having seen enough but I could tell by her voice that what that dick said hit her hard, sure those are insults someone would have thrown around in second grade but still, pouring your heart out for it to then be rejected in such manner must have hurt. I had never been rejected, but I could only imagine the pain.

“Are you fucking stupid? Look,” he started, “please get lost and refrain from contacting me ever again.” Ya ou could hear the smirk in his voice as he spoke and I bet all my money that as the girl left running she was a crying mess and I couldn’t blame her I was close to crying too, just where did Jeongguk go. I know people change, especially from fourteen to seventeen, hell even from ten to eleven, but the changes he went through shocked me to the core.

I sat waiting to hear the door open and close to indicate he had left too but it never came. It seemed he was staying out there, he didn’t walk either he seemed to be standing in the same place. I thought he had fainted, a pretty good thing if I wanted to run away without confrontation, or something until he burst out laughing. The sound of his laughter was psychotic, it started out quite but it grew to the point I wanted to rip my ears off. No one had told a joke and nothing funny had happened, if anything the scene that just played out was quite sad, especially since I had been in similar shoes. So then, why was he laughing. I pressed my back tightly against the wall and pushed myself further away from the edge. His laughing fit didn’t stop though. It became even louder. He laughed so hard he fell on the floor, the sound of his knees making contact with the ground bounced all over the place accompanied with the sound of him hitting the ground in laughter, he sounded demented.

After a few seconds of this the laughing stopped, but again the sound of the rooftop door opening didn’t come much less the sound of him standing up. Now the only sound other than the wind and soft rain softly passing through tree leaves was the sound of him crying and speaking through broken sobs.

”I didn’t do enough, didn’t I? Of course I didn’t”, he screamed, his voice sounded constricted and forced, “Why won’t she love me! I did everything Namjoon told me to do... everything!” He began shouting towards the end of his mumble. He clearly wasn’t stable, at least not now, and it broke my heart to see him like this. Who was Namjoon? Did he make him act like this? Perhaps, was it student council Namjoon? Was he somehow responsible for the strange change Jeongguk went through? I mean, he holds enormous power considering he’s just the president of the student council, I mean, he’d been in this school for such a long time but no student has that much power. He was to graduate soon, his class was the first to graduate since the extension of high school education from eighteen to nineteen-twenty, he was older than many of us but that was no reason for him to hold that much influence.

Yet the poor boy kept on crying and I couldn’t listen to him anymore. Not even the sound of the rain could really drown his sorrows out. I was disappointed in him, and I had no idea why he was crying, but either way he still had a big spot inside my heart and I felt weak hearted, and I did what I had told myself countless time I wouldn’t do. I stood up, picked up my bag and made my way towards the broken boy.

As I stood a few feet in front of him I could feel my heart break slightly, it looked worse than what it sounded. His shirt was soaked with tears and rain, his nose was runny, I couldn’t see his eyes as he covered them with his hands. I walked slowly towards him and he finally seemed to hear me and the weight in air as he went stiff, losely growling as he spoke, “How long have you been there?”

But unlike his voice, his body shook slightly as tears continued to fall from his eyes and down his cheeks. I felt awful, he still was my Jeonggukie. Scared of what others thought, shy and a cry baby, a dummy, impulsive, and reckless, to name a few. He was still my Jeongguk. That’s what I wanted to believe now, would it stay like that though?

“A-ah, shit,” I froze before blindly speaking whatever came to my mind, “Jeonggukie, please don’t cry, uhh, you’ll make me cry too!” I cringed realizing that I had used the ‘special’ nickname I had with him with the technique I always used on him when we were younger so that he’d stopped crying. The nickname wasn’t special anymore, it seemed like all the girls in this school used it on him, but still I could silently pride myself on being the first one to call him that. And that technique wasn’t going to work, he was older now and he hated me, didn’t he?

“Bunny?” He asked shyly, he slowly let his hands drop from his face as a small blush took over his features. Maybe, just maybe, he still was my Jeonggukie somewhere deep down.

Finishing the few steps I needed to be by his side I crouched down to his level, and brought my hand to caress his hair softly, we were getting soaked so I try and cover us with my school bag. Slightly humming as confirmation that it was indeed me, and after him looking over me fast as if to confirm that it was really me, he threw himself at me and I fell on my butt from the force, we were now in the shade of a roof as I hit my back against the wall. He quickly hugged me and immediately began crying once more.

”[Name]! I’m so so sorry if I made you mad or hurt you, oh god, don’t tell me I hurt you!” He began blabbering as he cried harder. What happened to him? Only a few minutes ago he was being the biggest dick to a sweet girl and now he was crying and apologizing to me?

“Jeongguk, what happened?” I tried to ask but he refused to listen and opted to continue apologizing and not letting go. He wasn’t as scrawny as he was when he was younger, he was actually quite *big in comparison to me so pushing him away was out of the question. So I opted to silently embrace him. We had spent such a long time like this that we both ended falling asleep and missing class. Not that I cared, I was happy being like this. I could never be mad at him forever.

By the time I had woken up, I expected Jeongguk to be gone because it was either A) a dream or B) he regretted what he did and decided to be a dick again if not an even bigger one. But to my surprise I woke up to a big pair of doe like eyes staring up at me from his position on top of my chest.

“Bunn,” he began, his voice husky from just waking up, “I’m sorry if I upset you, I know you went up to my house and took your stuff back, I almost had a panic attack when I noticed your things were gone. I’m so sorry if I was ever a dick to you. I-I just love you so much I’m scared I’ll hurt you.” He whispered softly as he tucked a piece of hair behind my ear, blushing slightly I stare away from him.

”I love you too, Kookie. Don’t worry about anything, ‘kay? You’re always going to be my best friend.”

If only I had noticed how his eyes seemed to have darkened at the mention of best friend.

That day, Jeongguk walked me home. We went up to our lockers, and I was surprised to see one less love note. Today, there were only six. I expected Jeongguk to ask me about it, or ask me if I knew them, but he if anything he seemed more interested in me arriving home safely.

That night was the first night I received a letter inside my house. Freaking out I quickly open the letter only to find out my suspicions were true.

——☽

Our dearest [Name],

We are all very happy to know that you have finally accepted your fate to be with us. It is on our best intentions to tell you that it will not be long until we are reunited again.

In the meantime, we wish you do not engage in any form of relation with any male or female other than the ones you already engage with. If you do happen to break this wish, we are sorry to tell you that we will be forced to deal with the source of the problem very similarly with how a gardener does; take out the malice from the roots. All that we ask of you is to stay put and wait for us as we will come when the time is right.

Meanwhile you wait and we prepare it all, we will be keeping an eye on you at all times. Do not fear anything as we will take care of it for you.

We will meet again but for now,

Goodbye.

-BTS

——

_____________________ღ

——

It had been less than a week since me and Jeongguk had begun hanging out again. And as nice as it felt it also came with this overwhelming feeling whenever he was around, he was too clingy. He’d be there always, and if he wasn’t he’d be calling me or texting me.

He had been doing the latter all day. He said it was his way of saying sorry and that if he could he would’ve come over. And at that, I didn’t know what was worse; him calling me or him being here.

It wasn’t that I wasn’t grateful that we’d finally be able to hang out like we used to, heck yes I was, it’s just not like this. I didn’t like the feeling he brought with him whenever we hung out; it was just like at school. But instead of eyes, it was actions and words.

Who knew words could have such an effect on somebody?

They knew.

The people that have been leaving the notes on my locker knew. I had no idea why, but after a while of this strange occurrence, I started collecting the notes. It became a habit of mine whenever I was bored to try and decipher or try finding patterns in them. And today seemed like a nice day to try, everyday seemed like a nice day to try if it brought me closer to stopping these creeps.

I had turned off my phone. Giving Jeongguk a quick text saying I was going to study so I couldn't have my phone on, liar liar. I had decided to try and analyze the notes, do something with them at least.

And the best way to do so was to go to the beginning.

I decided to paste them to a small notebook I had laying around, so I just had to flip a few pages to find what I was looking for.

The first note, and it happened to be signed by Suga.

It was rather short but heartfelt, and the first time I read it I couldn’t help but blush furiously. It went like this;

”My muse,

I’ve been loving you for a while now, you know? My heart skips a beat every time I see you, and it starts creating a new melody for you, its eternal muse.

All I can do is hope that when our time comes to meet, you help me create the most beautiful symphony for us.

Until tomorrow and forever,

Suga”

Even now, the thought that someone like me was able to inspire someone with such a way for words to create music made my heart skip a beat. But this ‘Suga’ boy wasn’t as sweet as he introduced himself as, slowly I saw his transition from a love struck boy to a sick pervert. Especially on his latest note, which by far has to be one of the creepiest;

”My dearest muse,

What exactly do you think you’re doing? Talking to those no life like that, letting them flirt and touch you. Are you that lonely that you’re willingly letting anybody touch you?

I’m the only one allowed to touch you, perhaps there are few times were I’m allowed to do so but I treasure them intently.

Next time that happens I’ll make sure to cut their dirty hands off and burn them to ashes, so they never bother you again. I promise to send their ashes to you soon.

I  don’t like breaking promises, darling.

Whatever happens remember that I still love you.

With eternal love,

- Your loyal servant, Suga”

Reading the note over and over again I couldn’t help but think that I should go to the police but as quick as the thought formed it had to go away. If it was true that they were watching my every move then I couldn’t risk going to the police because who knew what they’d do, they already knew where I lived and so they must also know my family and friends too. I wasn’t going to go around and risk them unless it got too dangerous.

Time had flown by the window, and by the time I finished reading all of Suga’s letters it had already turned dark.

”Ah, I must’ve skipped lunch and dinner...”, I mutter. I wasn’t surprised, actually, it happened very often where I’d be so caught up I forgot about time. Today was no exception it seems.

Everyone in my house, except for myself, were out for the next week. I wasn’t worried about being by myself, neither about the stalkers since from what I caught on they seem more keen on keeping me out of harm, strangely knowing that they were there and would try and keep harm away from me made me worry less about the dangers of being by myself, though a recurring theme on their letters was taking me away when the right time came that was going to be easy to avoid; I just wasn’t going to give them the right time. I’d make it impossible for them to take me until I could be sure that I and my family could be safe, then I’d go to the police. That’s the plan, the best case scenario.

Deciding that it was enough blabbering to myself, I try to cheer myself up and go make some food. I wasn’t going to make some Gordon Ramsay premium meal, fuck that shit, I’d just go for one of those 5-6 minutes microwave dishes or whatever.

As the dish sat in the microwave I decided to turn on my phone, and not to my surprise Jeongguk had bombarded my phone with texts and calls. Even though I wasn’t surprised, it didn’t mean it didn’t creep or worry me out.

We hadn’t even been around each other for a week and he already was slightly getting on my nerves. I was going to have a talk with him about respecting others privacy.

I open the messenger app to find texts after text from Jeongguk. My chest slightly hurt, since when was he this dependable?

——☽

Jeonggukie

Hey i’m gonna be studying so i’ll have to turn my phone off (>o<) :ME

Jeonggukie: okay (^o^)!

Jeonggukie: it’s fine just text me once you’re done!

Jeonggukie: gtg team needs its’ golden player again

[sent at 1:16pm]

Jeonggukie: YOY O Y OY O!!!!

Jeonggukie: Why haven’t you texted me bakc?

Jeonggukie: *back

Jeonggukie: are u mad @ me??

Jeonggukie: Σ（ﾟдﾟlll）

[sent at 1:23pm]

Jeonggukie: wait.... don’t tell me you’re actually mad?

Jeonggukie: fuck,

Jeonggukie: gtg again for practice but by the time i’m back you better not be studying anymore and be online with me,,,

[sent at 2:34pm]

Jeonggukie: [Name]...

Jeonggukie: Are you ok?

Jeonggukie: You’re not hurt right?!

Jeonggukie: Oh fuck....

Jeonggukie: What if someone took you?!

Jeonggukie: What if someone HURT you?!

Jeonggukie: [Last name] [Name] you better text me right now or else I might do something we both will regret....

[sent at 4:20pm]

Jeonggukie: [Name]...

Jeonggukie: I went over to their house but,

Jeonggukie: They told me you weren’t with them...

Jeonggukie: They also didn’t know where you are...

Jeonggukie: Or if you’re with someone

Jeonggukie: So then the question is...

Jeonggukie: Where are you Bunn?

Jeonggukie: They didn’t tell me :(

Jeonggukie: Will you tell me?

Jeonggukie: :(

[sent at 5:37pm]

Jeonggukie: They told me they didn’t know but I know they’re lying!

Jeonggukie: So I took care of them!!

Jeonggukie: Aren’t you happy?!

Jeonggukie: Awww, but now I’m dirty :((

Jeonggukie: Your prince can’t be dirty can he?

[sent at 7:43pm]

Jeonggukie: i still can’t find u tho...

Jeonggukie: you can’t be still studying... actually you may!

Jeonggukie: idk BunBun, it seems weird to me u never did this before....

[sent at 7:56pm]

Jeonggukie: u know what!

Jeonggukie: I'm going over to your house!

Junggukie: and if you’re not there or with someone else...

Jeonggukie: Kookie is going on a man hunt ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ

[sent at 8:00pm]

——☽

What the hell? What was he going on about? In all honesty I was curious, but I didn’t want to find out. The more I thought about what Jeon had texted me, the more it confused me. Thoughts mixed with illusions, and facts mixed with theories.

What if Jeongguk was one of the note writers?

It seems so far fetched, I mean how did I even come with that conclusion, but it also makes so much sense. If he was one of these creeps then- no, he couldn’t, but then it could explain his weird behavior. My gut feeling was hysterically telling me to block him out of my life but...

Heck, [Name] stop it, you’re mixing up reality with fantasy and making life more difficult than what it should be. I did my best to push the thought away, but it somehow always found a way to linger in my mind. But there’s no way Jeongguk would be stalking me, we had barely even reconciled. I had been so caught up in thoughts that I hadn’t heard the front door opening, and by the time I did the intruder had already made their way to the kitchen. Tensing up at not only the arrival of the intruder but also at the obnoxious sound of the microwave announcing itself ready, I jump slightly when a hand pats my shoulder to then engulf me in a hug.

”Bunny! Oh my god! I thought someone had hurt you!”, Jeongguk pouted, “Why didn’t you answer my texts, [Name]?”

Feeling uncomfortable I slightly push his hands off me but to no avail as he continues holding me tight.

“God! Jeongguk, I told you I was studying! Not everyone can get A’s without working!” I try to sound as true and confident as possible. If my assumptions were true then any false move could mean hell for me.

“Ah, Darling you flatter me!” He joked, “but don’t go around thinking like that, don’t tell me someone told you the opposite?”

Fuck, why is he acting so weird! Who even asks these questions? This wasn’t the Jeongguk I left. He’s meant to get these thoughts away not confirm them!

“Jeez, Jeon, it’s nothing I promise you. This test is very important to me and I can’t risk failing it” I try to reason with him he was acting unreasonably right now.

“Mhm, is that so?” He questions as he lays his head on top of mine, “Then it’s decided. Tomorrow I’ll take you to a friends house so he can teach you, he’s really smart Bunny!” He laughed a bit.

“Haha, really?” I ask slightly disheartened.

”Yeah, his name is Kim Namjoon, do you know him by any chance?”

Hell fucking no, he couldn’t be talking about council president Kim Namjoon, right?

“The-the council president?” I gulped, please no no no no no no no no no no n-

“Yes, you’re not that anti-social, Bunny.”

Fuck.

——————————☽

[Earlier || 3rd p.o.v]

Jeongguk was freaking out. You hadn’t answered his text for a while now. You couldn’t be studying for that long, right? You normally always had your phone with you so then why weren’t you texting him? Had you met someone better? Did you meet someone better? Even after all he did for you? He changed so much because of you and you were paying him like this? It was clear to him that you wouldn't be studying for that long.

No, it wasn’t you, it was probably some pesky friend of yours keeping you away from him, let’s be real you love him so why would you ignore him.

Jeongguk didn’t like that at all.

Maybe what he was going to was harsh, but it wasn’t like it was his first time doing this for you. But he couldn’t do it alone.

He had gotten so anxious and scared something had happened to you he began shaking. With the anxiety eating him away he shakily dialed the number and waited to get his call to get picked up.

”Namjoon, I need help with something”

It had taken Jeongguk and Jimin little to no time finding out where your ‘friends’ were.

”Does she really have to hang out with people like them?” Jimin asked Jeongguk, accentuating them. It was clear that the boy didn’t approve of the people you hung out with, why couldn’t you hang out with him instead? He was clearly better than these Joy and Lisa girls.

”Oi! It’s not my fault none of you had the balls to hang out with her before.” Jeongguk snarled at his older friend, they made you happy, why was Jimin questioning you?

“Well, why don’t you grow a pair and hang out with her then?” Jimin mocked, he knew why, they all knew why.

”Oh shut up you burnt piece of-“

Just as Jeongguk was about to throw a punch, the front door open and out came your best friend, Joy.

Confused she started at the two boys and asked, “Jeon, Park? What are you two doing here?”

Jumping slightly, Jimin offered her a charming smiling as he pushed Jeongguk's’ hand away, “Aw! Joy you caught us! We were just wondering about [Name], and since you two are friends we thought we’d come and ask you!”

It didn't make sense to Joy why they’d come to her house when they could’ve texted he, much less when they could have directly asked [Name]r.

“Why didn’t you call me then? It would’ve been easier...” She trailed off.

“We didn’t have your number!” Jeongguk smiled.

Liars, they did have her number and she knew it, how else would’ve they invited her to those parties. That’s when she noticed why it felt odd.

“Well, how did your know where I live” She questioned further, they weren’t acting like usual. Joy never liked them, to be honest, she always found them weird but this was on another level.

”We checked the school records, silly!” Jimin laughed, he was starting to get annoyed.

”What are talking about? Stop acting so weird!” She shouted, who would go that far to know where someone lived!

Plus, the school records had her dad’s house not this one!

”Atta, girl!”, Jimin smirked walking towards the girl, “You haven’t been answering any of our questions and it’s getting annoying..”

”Where is [Name]?” Jeongguk butted in.

Shaking her head slightly she tried closing the door on them, things were escalating quickly and she didn’t like where this was going.

”Stupid girl, where is she?” Jimin asked harsher, she was taking too long and he wasn’t sure how much longer he was willing to put up with her. Jimin was a patient good boy but when it came to you he couldn’t wait, he wasn’t going to wait.

”I-I don’t know now leave me alone!”

Oh poor Joy!

—☽

It had taken the boys a few hours but eventually she broke, everyone brakes eventually.

But sadly, it was true; she didn’t know where you were.

And now the boys had spilled blood that shouldn’t have been spilled.

”Look what you did Jeongguk!”, Jimin scowled as he dragged what he hoped and looked like the leftovers of a girl's arm, “Now we have to clean this whole shit up by ourselves, you little bitch. ”

The younger boy had been given the task of taking out the heavy load as he had been the one responsible for this kill.

“How many times do I have to tell you she wasn’t, and still isn’t for your fucking information, picking up my calls or responding to my texts!” He shouted from outside, it was true. While Jimin was busy trying to coax out information about your whereabouts, Jeongguk had been repeatedly calling you.

“Be grateful we actually got useful information about [Name] or else I would’ve told Namjoon about your breakdown.” The eldest of the two threatened as he glared at the younger boy.

They had been cleaning for a good hour when they realized they still had a shit more to clean, deciding to call for help, they patiently sat at the dead girls house as they roamed through a box of momentum’s Joy had of her and her friends.

And to their luck, she had a few pictures of you. They had passed the rest of the wait there going through her stuff trying to find anything about or from you, which they did. In their eyes, they hit the mother load.

They had been so caught up by the box and it’s content they hadn’t realized their friends had arrived.

It was like the two boys were there with you! Gushing at the thought they searched further and further in the seemingly never ending box.

“Kook, we need help if you want to burn the evidence, I’m afraid you’ll need to-“, Namjoon started but his voice drifted off as he took a better look at the box in the youngest hands, “What’s that?”

”Ah! Just a box Jiminie and I found at the girls house, if you look closely it has a lot of stuff from [Name]!” Jeongguk exclaimed happily, hell yes he was proud of himself, he means, how many times can the others say they found anything remotely similar to this?

”Are you sure there’s nothing else like that in the house?” Namjoon asked again as he took a look through the box, maybe there’d be something, anything that could help get closer to you, help him get closer to you.

”Don’t know...”, Jimin trailed off, “maybe we can search while we finish the place up.”

And that’s what they did, four boys; Namjoon, Jimin, Jeongguk and Taehyung went through the house searching for anything that could be of use to them. But to much of their dismay, they didn’t find much.

Clearly pissed Namjoon mercilessly threw the lighter at the house setting the building ablaze. Without even looking back, he made his way to the car and patiently waited for his friends as they watched the building burn.

After a while, Jimin and Taehyung suggested Jeongguk to continue searching for you. And so the youngest did, texting you about going to your house he asks his friends to drop him there.

As they watched him leave the car Namjoon calls out to him, “Kook, we helped you with your little stunt but now you have to help us, you’ll set us up with her somehow, ok?”

A little nervous, Jeongguk just nods. How is he supposed to set you and the other three up? Turning around towards your house he sees the lights on, you had to be there. Scolding himself for not checking your house earlier he invites himself in, not really caring if you wanted privacy or not.

Because why would you want to be away from your groom?

———☽

[Present// 1st p.o.v]

After leading Jeongguk out of my house, after agreeing to take his stupid study lessons with that Namjoon man, I can’t wait to go to sleep.

Taking a quick shower, I throw myself at my bed only to be met with the odd feeling of paper against my chest.

Terror courses through my veins as I slowly sit up from a lying position. Oh hell no, please no. Fully sitting up, I stare in front of me to find a pretty, slightly crumbled, white envelope with a pretty heart sticker in the middle.

How did it get here? The only other person who came here was.... Jeongguk. But when did he come inside my room?

——☽

Our Dearest [Name],

We are happy to see that you keep the notes we give you!

It shows how much we mean to you, of course you will never understand the extents we’d go for you. You will soon learn how to truly accept us as your future lovers.

It does sadden most of us to see you only read Suga’s letters, in the other hand he was beaming. Tell us, darling, do you read the rest of our notes like that too?

We hope.

Anyway, we are glad that we will have an opportunity to get closer soon, and we trust your feelings will come to light soon too.

With Love,

-BTS

———☽

_____________ღ

The fated day had arrived, and I was now heading over to Jeongguk’s house for our study session. I was terrified. I didn’t want to meet Jeongguk, not now that this awful theory had planted itself on my brain, and I definitely didn’t want to meet Namjoon.

Kim Namjoon, face of an angel and a personality Satan himself would be jealous of. He was student council president. At the beginning he was a sweetheart, he tricked all of us to believe him to be one. He was despicable, using his powers to his advantage to remain on top of the social hierarchy at school. Even if it was just school to some, he saw it as an opportunity to climb his way up in society now. Hanging out with the kids whose parents were CEO’s, treating them with respect and giving them what they wanted. And excellent grades, working extra credit every day and following the rules like a bible. And just like that he had managed to secure himself job offers from big companies at the age of eighteen and a half, he had enough offers that he could get fired from each one everyday for years and never be jobless. But to keep such a picture perfect image some dirty work needed to be done, of course his hands wouldn’t even budge as he always had someone else do it for him.

He was so wicked and corrupted the Devil himself was afraid.

I was shaking throughout the whole drive, my legs began moving by themselves and it suddenly felt like I wasn’t in my body anymore.

“Gran, are we close?” I asked, my voice breaking at the possibility of only being a few minutes.

”No, baby, the road we normally take closed so it’ll take us a while longer put it half an hour? God, why do things like this happen at the worst times?” Gran commented, she was right. Why do the worst things happen when you least need them to? Was there a need for balance? Did every time something good happens something bad had to contradict the previous events as if to remind you that ‘hey this is real life not a movie, so bad shit happens, deal with it’.

Sighing I tell Gran that I’ll try sleeping the rest of the trip off, maybe it’ll take my mind off things, hopefully I won’t dream surely they’d be nightmares.

But sleep wouldn’t take me, thoughts about what could happen, whether it be due to the nonsense that my brain had come up with or not wasn’t clear to me, the thoughts haunted me and sleep seemed farther and farther away.

So for the rest of the car ride I just stared ahead of me. I counted clouds, the number of red cars that passed, how many people would wave back at me if I waved, how many dogs were on the street, I did everything to not be reminded that I would drown in the five hours without parental supervision next to a former friend and potential stalker and a student council president sociopath.

Closing my eyes I let out a sigh, maybe if I don’t speak about anything personal and just focus on studying it’ll go faster.

——☽

By the time we had arrived at Jeongguk’s house I was almost an hour late. And knowing from experience Namjoon didn’t like it at all. My friend Irene, the head of our club had told us stories about the boys’ ill temper. Approaching the driveway, I fumbled with my book bag and silently prayed that some stupid shit happened to Namjoon and that he wouldn’t be able to come to the tutoring session. But whatever deity is up there seemed to want to fuck me over and went out there and made him wait for me outside. And damn did he look pissed.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck- I pissed Kim Namjoon! I had unwillingly and unknowingly pissed Kim Namjoon, and now here he was death glaring at my car.

I didn’t care that my grandmother was driving me, fuck that, what I did care was what Namjoon could and would say. His presence was enough to invoke fear and terror and plant it in my chest.

Getting out of the car I ask my gran to pick me up earlier, “Grans, I know the session ends at six, and it’s now one but please for all that’s good pick me up at five or maybe even earlier? Make anything up, that you needed me for something! I don’t know like, help with the tv or whatever, please! I’ll do anything!” I begged her.

”Why? Weren’t you and that Jeon boy friends?” She asked me curiously, she didn’t exactly shoot down my offer yet I knew that did I say anything wrong she’d probably pick me up at ten out of spite.

”Used to, we got into a fight and I don’t want to stay with him too long, I-please.”

”Fine, fine. Just text me and I’ll come before but no matter what I’ll pick you up at five okay?”

Nodding viciously, I thank her and bid her goodbye. I had an escape plan now if things went south, and if I grew uncomfortable I could text the girls, now all that’s left is actually going through with the study session.

“Ah! Hello [Name], it seems you finally showed up!” Namjoon says as he stands up to shake my hand, I don't know if he’s being kind or just being a sarcastic prick, but at this point, I don’t care, I needed this to go faster, so fast that it’d seem like a dream, a horrible and awkward dream.

”Oh yes, the street I normally take was closed due to a house fire nearby” I try to excuse myself.

”Oh yes! I heard it was quite brutal, it seems they also found a dead girl there, I think she went to our school, Park Sooyeong or Joy does it ring a bell?” He asks faking concern, why do I think he’s faking concern? Maybe it was due to the way his eyes twinkled with wonder when I asked him what he meant, maybe it was for the joy laced in his tone.

“I’m sorry, what?” I laugh, tears gathered around my eyes as I tried to understand the wicked grin that sat in his face, why couldn’t he have told me differently, not so vaguely and so disinterested probably because he knows she was my best friend, because she’d always cause him trouble, because she was different; why? Joy, the thought of her dead made me start bawling my eyes right there. She couldn’t be.. dead? She had called me yesterday to make plans to hang out next weekend. Her happy voice haunted me, there’s no way.... Why hadn’t anyone told me before? Was she the only one dead? Or did her mother and sister die too? Why wasn’t it on the news? Or had I been so selfish that I didn’t check properly?

”Shhh, [Name], it’s okay! You’re safe,” Namjoon whispers as he pulls me into a hug, from what would I be safe? I didn’t care and my grip on his shirt tightened, I wanted to pull him away, “They won’t hurt you, they’d never hurt you.”

Who?

Who was he talking about and why was he so certain. Suddenly something clicked in my brain, something Jeongguk said the rooftop that day.

”Why won’t she like me! I did everything Namjoon told me to do.... I did everything!”

Namjoon. He had something to do with Jeongguk acting weird, and now here he is not worrying about the death of somebody but me? Jeongguk and Namjoon. They did hang out together, did they not?  Nothing made sense anymore, and I didn’t know what was real or fake. It kept getting mixed up in my head. What if Jeongguk and Namjoon are working together?

“What are you talking about? You make it sound as if it was a serial killer, this town is safe why would a killer be loose?” I ask, I needed to get as much information out of him and Jeongguk as possible. But there is no way he’ll believe-

“Oh, haven’t you heard what I said? They mutilated the girl, it has to be someone experienced with murder and getting away, I mean if you looked at the news you’d see, they found pieces of the dead bodies all around the street, there were footprints of five to four different shoes and sizes, unless the perpetrator had many different sized feet then it’s clear that there were more people, at the very least four. It’s even said that whoever mutilated the body, even if not being a doctor due to the way the bones had been sliced, was someone with experience.” He stated matter of factly, but it just didn’t seem right to me. What news? No news station had reported any of this. My grandma had the news on as I got ready and no news about this had been displayed at all, and how would these things get out to the public? Different shoe sizes, what were they going to do, measure everyones’ feet?

But before I could ask any other question Jeongguk came out rather excited for our study session. I think this is the first time since coming back that I’ve been glad Jeongguk showed up.

In my head this suddenly this wasn’t just a study session, this was my opportunity to figure what the hell was happening, not only to me but to Joy and the town.

——☽

We had spent three hours studying and I still had no progress on my new mission. And it honestly felt like hell. I sighed slightly as Namjoon kept on rambling about Newton’s laws of motion, acceleration and pressure. I knew this stuff, not to a cup of tea but definitely more than what Namjoon seemed to think I knew.

He suddenly stopped though, maybe my sigh wasn’t as discreet as I thought it was and he looked at me straight in the eyes without saying anything. Finding this a bit creepy I look over to Jeongguk, who had been unusually quiet, to find him staring at me with the same intensity, let’s say for lack of better wording.

Feeling utterly uncomfortable, I excuse myself to the bathroom only to be grabbed by not only Namjoon but Jeongguk from both wrists, not letting me stand up properly. It was a horror KDrama scene. I stumbled to the floor and gasped, what the hell?

”Uh,I need to go to the bathroom? Can you, like, let me go?” I question, what the fuck are they doing?

”Don’t-don’t take too long, Bunny!” Jeongguk says blushing as he retrieves his hand waiting for Namjoon to do the same.

”Y-yeah, we-we still have a lot to cover!” Namjoon tried to cover up his embarrassment by bringing up more work, fuck him for that.

”Yeah, I’ll keep it in mind...”

I hurried to the bathroom with my bag in my arms and pull out my phone. I hadn’t used it all day, too scared about seeing my inbox flooded by texts from Jeongguk. As fast as I could I open the messenger app and tap on our friend group.

——☽

NO LIFE’S AND THEIR MOM LOL

Nini♥︎: omfg, did you guys hear?

[Sent at 12:57PM]

Lalalisaaa🤟🏻: yeah, i didn’t believe it

Rosie🌹: my mom sat me down and told me

Rosie🌹: i haven’t cried this much in ages

[Sent at 1:34PM]

Mom-rene💖: who’d do this?

Seulgi bear🐻: I heard they stole the friend box she had

Seulgi bear🐻: like, the one with pics and stuff about us?

Wen-Wen💙: the one she did with us when [name] came???

Seulgi bear🐻: yeah, it’s gone

[Sent at 1:35PM]

Chicken🦆: so you’re saying someone broke into joy's house, burned it, killed her all for a box??

Yerim💜: who the fuck would do that that’s sick as fuck,,,,

[Sent at 1:45PM]

Seulgi Bear🐻: ok so you know how my dad works at the police station???

Nini♥︎: yes

Yerim💜: seulgi......

Seulgi Bear🐻: they found the box

Mom-rene💖: what?!

Lalalisaaa🤟🏻: with all of the stffu

Lalalisaaa🤟🏻: *stuff

Seulgi Bear🐻: now, don’t freak out much but

Seulgi Bear🐻: they found fingerprints, they assume that’s the people that killed Joy AND  burned her house....

Rosie🌹: people???

Chicken🦆: like more than 1?

Seulgi Bear🐻: yes, but here’s where it gets really weird.... all of the stuff about us was there...

Mom-rene💖: tell me how’s that weird?

Seulgi Bear🐻: All but [name]’s

Seulgi Bear🐻: her stuff was gone, all of it.

Nini♥︎: you don’t think....

Wen-Wen💙: seulgi,

Wen-Wen💙: who’s fingerprints did they find??

Seulgi Bear🐻: Park Jimin’s, Jeon Jeongguk’s and Kim Namjoon’s, those were in the box

Seulgi Bear🐻: in the door handle they found Kim Taehyung’s

Mom-rene💖: [name]! weren’t you at Jeongguk’s house with Namjoon?!

Yerim💜: get out of there!

Chicken🦆: now!!

Lalalisaaa🤟🏻: she’s not responding, omg do you think she is dead??

Seulgi Bear🐻: she will be fine, the police are investigating further, don’t worry [name]

Yerim💜: can’t they just arrest them!!

Seulgi Bear🐻: sadly, they need more evidence... they could’ve found the box after  the murder left or maybe even before, joy could have gifted it to them and Taehyung could’ve gone over to her house before, you know how they used to date and all....

Mom-rene💖: but IF they’re the stalkers, does that mean they’re also responsible for the love notes?

Wen-Wen💙: idk probably

Rosie🌹: So they’ll probably not hurt her,,,,

Mom-rene💖: [name], whenever you read this, getting out of there understood?

Nini♥︎: go to seulgi’s house, k?

Seulgi Bear🐻: we will all be there, you’re not alone....

[Sent 3:47PM]

I’m getting out of here now, don’t worry:You

[Sent at 3:53PM]

——☽

“I’m sorry but I need to go now, my grandma just texted me.”

___________

“Wait! What? [Name] don’t go, please!” I heard Jeongguk yell behind me, causing Namjoon to look at him. I ran as I saw Namjoon turn away and Jeongguk run beside him.

I hid behind the wall  of the corridor as Jeongguk scrambled next to Namjoon, asking him what to do. I could hear Namjoon talking over the phone and Jeongguk crying his eyes out whispering soft mantra of “What do we do?”.

“S-shit, Jeongguk stop screaming- [Name] left? N-no Jin don’t hang up, I-I know we’re in deep shit but- yes, we’ll be more careful next time, and we’ll- yes, we are going to call you if we- when we do it again”, Namjoon sighed, “she doesn’t know, she left running I think, she was texting her friends’ silence, “Yeah she’s friends with Seulgi the daughter of the chief detective- Shit!”

He hung up and made his way towards the bathroom door, in other words the other side of the room, the side I wasn’t in. Bolting my way outside I make my way towards Seulgi’s house.

Just who was Jin, why was Jeongguk acting so weird and what dip shit were they in?

——☀︎

“G-god! [Name] you’re alive!” Irene threw herself at me the minute I entered Seulgi’s room.

Irene was never one to cry, but here she was mourning the death of her friend, our friend Joy, she was gone. Seeing all my friends in a room faces red and eyes swollen made me realize that it was true; Joy was dead.

That they killed Joy.

”It has to be them, it just has to be!” The youngest, Yeri, cried, she was a few months older than me yet we always treated her as the baby.

”I-it probably is them, dad said so and he’s good I-I trust he’ll bring justice to Joy.” Seulgi whispered, she seemed to be in disbelief, I remembered how she used to like Jimin only a few weeks ago.

”Cheeky, you were with Jeongguk and Namjoon, two of the suspects weren’t you?” Lisa asked, she was stroking Rosé’s hair as the later filled the room with sobs, I couldn’t bear to watch her.

”Y-yeah, they were acting w-weirder than usual.” I choked out, tears brimmed my eyes and I realized I hadn’t cried much over Joy’s death; why? Because Namjoon freaked me out and Jeongguk is a weirdo, that’s why.

“W-when I left N-Namjoon was t-talking about not getting caught”, I sink into the bed beside Rosé, “T-they talked about the police a-and I-I think they killed Joy”

“But why?”, Jennie asked exasperated, “Why would they kill Joy? What did Joy have that no one else did?”

“Well- I mean, hadn’t we established that they were the love note writers?”, Yeri asked and we all nodded, “So remember how they started getting weirder and weirder as time went on?”

Again, we only nodded.

“So, what if they are the stalkers? I-I mean not like average stalkers I mean full out ‘I-Will-Kill-For-You’ stalkers? Like, Joy was friends with [Name], and both of you hanged out a lot even without us, so what if they wanted to, I don’t know, figure out where you were and they got mad or something and killed her? I mean, it’s not really the first time someone close to us or someone that has shown interest in us, in [Name], has died suddenly, and you’ve all got to admit they’ve always acted weird when [Name] was around. We always played it off as coincidence but, really…? That’s just dumb..” Yeri trailed off, I was left in shock at how much sense it all made; had I been that stupid?

“There we have killers and a motive.” Seulgi said slowly, it made so much sense that another wave of tears came.

“But! They have an alibi, don’t they?” Wendy spoke for the first time with a hoarse voice, she sounded defeated, it hurt seeing somebody as extroverted as her so quite.

”What if it doesn’t coincide with , for example, Jeongguk did though, I mean I was with him that day...”

”What? What do you mean, [Name]?” Rosé asked, probably excited at the possibility of Joy getting justice, but a part of her also seemed confused.

”What was Jeongguk’s alibi, Seulgi?”

”Seokjin said that he, Jeongguk, Namjoon, Taehyung and Jimin had spent the whole evening with him and that they didn’t really leave the house.” Seulgi recalled, yet something felt odd...

”That is just plain wrong, Jeongguk went over to my house, the-the day of the murder he was out! Seokjin is in this, maybe it’s true that he was at home but the rest no, and so is Namjoon, of those two, when I went to Jeongguk’s house I saw a car that was probably Namjoon’s,  so that’s a fact now, though he drives like shit, Jeongguk told me that, and the car that had dropped him off had a very bad driver because my front house neighbors’ complained about a black van that almost ran over their sons in a play date that day, that was Namjoon! S-so it’s possible Jimin and Taehyung were there too!”

“A black van? Dad said that a few witnesses saw a black van!”, Seulgi added in shock, “Kim Yerim you’re a genius!”

“Now we need evidence, to get them in jail where they belong”, Jennie spoke up, “But how do we do that?”

”Easy, we know their weaknesses and we’ll use it against them,'' Irene said determined, she sounded as if she was planning something, “They won’t get away with this.”

”And what is that?” Wendy asked her, she sounded unsure at the idea of interacting with them.

”Their weakness is [Name], she'll need to get close to them, gain their trust and then find clues as to what is going on... that is if she’s up to it.” Irene looked me in the eye.

”We now know they are serious trouble, are you up for it [Name]?”, Jisoo looked up from the window, she had spent the whole conversation so quiet I hadn’t even noticed her, “Do you want to put an end to this?”

“Yes.”

_____________ღ

Year: 20##

Place: Some Dumpster

Point of view: Hoseok Jung

———☀︎

Biting at my bottom lip I try to slow down my pace as to not bring too much attention to me, that’d be bad. Very bad. It’s not like what I was doing was going to not draw attention to myself, everyone stared at me suspiciously as I walked with my big, green bag. I would too, honestly.

The bag itself wasn’t what would draw attention, it was the smell. It smelt fucking awful, and I knew that everywhere I went it left the smell of a corpse around. Sure, if someone used their imagination they could come up with a strange and repulsive accusation, but then again...

What could have I done?

No one would suspect a 15 year old of murder, would they? I could easily say it was my gym clothes, with puberty and all. It wasn’t the whole body, oh no! We left the big stuff to Seokjin and Yoongi, I just had the inside stuff, the organs. But most importantly and my biggest worry was the heart.

A thief’s heart.

The heart that almost stole [Name]’s. His name was Mark Lee, he was around [Name]’s age, maybe younger, they had a few classes together and talked every once in a while when he suddenly decided to confess to her, who was he to do so? But that wasn’t a problem, that wasn’t meant to be a problem. All she had to do was rejected and then we’d all be okay, but no; she gave him a chance.

She gave that little asshole a chance but wouldn’t even spare a glance my way. And for that I was going to make his life a living hell.

They were going on their first date tomorrow, it was meant to be at the movies to watch  a crappy romance movie she’d been gushing about with him about, ha, watching movies at a first date with my [Name]? She deserves the best first date in the world, something only I can give her. She doesn’t deserve that, not from him, she deserves the world.

“And you can’t give that to her, can you Lee?” I mumbled as I made my way to the dumpster.

——☽

By the time I arrived at the dumpster, the sun had set and the whole sky had an orange tint to it, [Name] would be home probably in her room doing whatever her little heart wanted, maybe getting ready for the big day tomorrow and a big day it was.

Opening the bag I gently sit down in the middle of the garbage, I look for the healthiest and best looking organs and store them little containers Seokjin had given me before, he had taken them from one of his father's hospitals, he wouldn’t miss them they had many. The old man had everything, hospitals to hotels. Those organs we’d sell or do whatever Yoongi did with them, we didn't care what he did with them as long as it brought money for the our, my her, plan.  

Humming, I put on the gloves and prepare myself to take out the organs that seemed to have taken the least damage from Jimin’s little fit with the younger boy, poor Mark his handsome face was completely destroyed now. Too bad, [Name] wouldn’t even want to look him in the face now.

“Aish, the kid needs to learn not to break valuable stuff like this...”, I muttered as I try and arrange Mark’s brain nicely in the box, “Why did you have a brain and didn’t use it? It’s making such a mess now, it’s only use is that making messes, look where it led you Mark. Now you’re dead and probably getting sold to some weird Frankenstein scientist or something...”

Looking at the boxes I had arranged, I take out my spare phone and text Yoongi warning him where the boxes where for him to pick tomorrow, if he didn’t we could get into some shitty  trouble. Now I could focus on the main attraction.

The Heart.

Putting on my gloves again I play with the small organ, it fit nicely in my hand.

“What happens if I give you a- haha!”, I squeeze the muscle a bit and see it twitch as it continues palpitating slightly, “Haha, look at this! Useless, you aren’t even attached to someone and yet you try so hard to be useful, pathetic.”

Tossing the heart around for awhile I grew tired, and decided to finish the boy off.

“You’re lucky Namjoon didn’t want me bringing the kit with me or else you would’ve been dissected right here, right now”, I looked at it with pity, “God, you were very naive you know? Thinking someone like [Name] would even be interested in you, ha, please”

I take it and squeeze it tighter, blood gushing from the little arteries.

Quickly getting the butcher knife from the bag, with shaky hands I cut the heart in small pieces trying to make them as symmetrical as possible. Fucking disgusting.

”Now! Don’t you look better?”, I ask to no one as I place the heart pieces with the rest of the organs that Yoongi wouldn’t be able to sell, “Bet you your friends would love to have a taste of you won’t they? Seokjin and Taehyung will have a good meal to prepare for your friends now~”

I laugh a bit as I fish for a bag around the dumpster, finding a broken recycled bag I place the containers filled with the body parts and store them for Yoongi, “You’re lucky we like the same girl or else I would’ve ratted on you ages ago...”I muttered as I place the containers in then old, worn out bag, “This is all for you, [Name]”

Does this mean I’m happy sharing? No, of fucking course I’m not.

But who said I can’t rat them all out later?

Laughing loudly, I take out the gas and lighter as I throw the gasoline around the area making a heart, or at least something similar.

“This is all for you, baby” I repeat as I throw the lighter at the fire. I watch a bit as the fire grew and grew taller and taller, deciding that I should change clothes I strip down from my sweatpants and stay only using my t-shirt, only then I realized how cold it was.

All for [Name].

Sighing a bit, I dirty my spare pants to make it look like I had gotten into a fight or something, even going as far as punching myself to create bruises; who would suspect a boy how had just gotten mugged?

Taking off my shoes and one sock I throw into the fire, watching it burn brighter as I throw stuff into it, filling it, making it go higher and higher and-

“It’s like my love for you”, I giggle, “the love I’ll be able to give to you soon, very soon”

No one would suspect Jung Hoseok for murder; I won’t let them.

_____________ღ

“Geeze, [Name], we didn’t really think this through did we?”, Wendy whispered beside me as we made our way through the school halls, she was right. We, indeed, didn’t think this through.

”I mean, yeah- we didn’t think through it all, but god if we’re right it’d make things so much easier for Seulgi’s dad to catch them!”, I explain as I try and mask the, very obvious, fear, “Plus, I don’t think it’s just Joy they killed, they must’ve done this multiple times, it was all to clean, Namjoon himself said so, plus if they got out of it once who says they couldn’t have done it before?”

“Yeah, plus why would a police station have their data in it if they hadn’t found their dna somewhere else?” Wendy questioned anxiously, I hadn’t noticed it before. But then again, didn’t the police station have the dna of all of those who lived in town? But then, they did seem wary considering the way Seulgi's’ dad spoke of them.

”Mark.” I stop walking as I suddenly stop dead in my tracks.

”Mark Lee? The dude that went missing before your date...” Wendy stared at me as she trailed off.

”You don’t think?”, she asked me shaking slightly, “That they had something to do?”

“I mean-“

”Hello! You’re both Wendy and [Name], right?” A student council member asked us.

Ah yes, the plan.

“Yeah! We wanted to talk to Kim Namjoon about perhaps holding a funeral service for our friend Park Sooyeong, she passed away a few days ago. We are on the list, right?`` I ask trying to make myself sound as sad as possible, Wendy catching on and only responding with a nod and a short sniffle.

“Yes, please, can we speak with Namjoon?”

”Yes. Follow me,” He walks towards the farthest door, us walking closely behind, “So, please don’t take long, Namjoon has been acting really off lately, don’t-don’t tell him I said that! So the council is trying to take as many interviews and meetings ourselves.”

The boy looked at us, concern lacing his eyes as he whispers, “Please, be safe and don’t anger him too much.”

He then motions towards the door and leaves.

”Wendy, leave it to me, stay here, please.”

——☽

I knocked on the door thrice, when I heard a faint “Come in”, followed by some paper shuffling.

I open the door and peek inside, this was unexpected. The room was mainly filled with browns and dark reds, the schools colors, the furniture giving an antique feel to the room. In the middle, the desk of the council president sat, a leather couch by its side and two chairs in front. It looked like the whole schools budget went into the room. No wonder Namjoon blackmailed students.

”State your business an-“, he began monotonously when he looked up at me to meet my eyes, “[N-Name], I didn’t think it-it was you, I- here! Take a seat please!”

He was stuttering and he couldn’t even form a sentence.

“Ah, Namjoon! Please don’t worry, it’s fine”, I smile at him as I sit down, “I came here to talk about the funeral service for Sooyeong, Joy, she-she was really close to me an-and now that she’s gone, I- we felt it would be important to be able to hold something in her memory, you know?”, I feel tears swell in my eyes at the thought of my friend. Maybe acting like it hurt wasn’t going to be as hard as I had thought, fate had laid down the prefect Shakespearean tragedy.

He slightly stiffened at the mention of Joy, or my tears I don’t know at this point. Blushing red he gives me a small pocket handkerchief, and looks at me smiling, how can he smile so freely?

“Would that make you happy?” He looks at me as he grabs my hand, his hand covered all of my hand, his smile was cute; but he may have been the murderer of my best friend and there’s no way I’ll forget that. Until he’s proven innocent, I won’t budge. Too much evidence was piled up against him.

“Yeah, it would, it really would, thank you”, I smile back at him.

“Anything for a friend”, he smiles, “You’re friends with Jeongguk so you’re friends with me too.” He squeezes my hand slightly, and let’s it go hesitantly.

He stands up, walking all the way towards me from behind the desk just to help me stand up. He places his hand around my shoulders, leading me towards the door. Shouldn’t this meeting be longer?

“Namjoon, I shouldn’t be saying this but...”, I suddenly stop at the front of the door, shaking slightly from fear and sadness; real fear and sadness, “Seulgi’s dad, who’s in the case, thinks that maybe they killed Joy because she was my friend, I’m scared Namjoon. He said it was definitely a murderer, and that it was all to similar to other ones he had participated in; he searched for a bit and found that there were at least two cases that were similar Mark Lee and Vernon Choi, and they were close to me, th-then he said that other people close to me kept disappearing even after I left, and even more now that I’m back th-he thinks I’m next and I’m scared Namjoon, I-I don’t know what to do. I don’t want another Joy.” I made it all up, but fear and sadness that if I failed my friends and those I loved would be hurt, was real, my sanity was deteriorating, I can’t lose anyone anymore. Another loss, I couldn’t have that, I wouldn’t be able to handle it..

”[Name], I promise you that me and Jeongguk will always be there for you, if it makes you feel better I have some friends you could meet, they’re all rather athletic and are really nice, we aren’t the police persee but maybe we can help you feel safe. Maybe I could present you all at lunch today?”

”Ah, yes please, if it’s not too much!” I ask, was he going to let me meet...

“They’re Kim Seokjin, Min Yoongi, Jung Hoseok, Kim Taehyung and Park Jimin, Jeongguk will be joining us but you already know him very well, don’t you?”

”Yes! We are really close, is it that obvious?” I lied through my teeth, my heartbeat was off the charts as my hands grew sweaty.

”Haha, kind off,” he chuckled, “he never shut ups about you.”

“Really?” I turn red a bit, that jerk, he probably told them all my personal info, god that little son of bitch!

“I look forward to lunch with you, I hope we can become close friends.” He smiles at me as I walk out of the door. Wendy is there waiting for me, we both wave goodbye and leave hurriedly as I begin to tell her about it all.

“Wendy, I think he knows something, he wants me to go eat with the other six.”

“Are you sure about that?” Wendy asked, “They won’t hurt you will they?”

“I don’t know. Have you heard about Irene?” I ask her, we both knew that we didn’t have the answer to her question but maybe Irene did.

“She’s with Park Ji-” My eyes widen, nervously I look at Wendy, she understood.

Her phone rang with a text she looked worried as she stared down at it, I bit my lip.

“I gotta go, go hide in a bathroom so the teachers don’t see you.”

——☽

”Guys we have a special lunch today...”

——☽

“[Name]?”

”Yeah, I got her to come have lunch with us and to speak about a memorial for Sooyeong, but that’s more on me”, Namjoon sighed, “She thinks we’re out to get her, what do we do?”

”Out to get her?”, Seokjin asked eyes bulging, how could she ever think that? Where they too obvious? Had they gone too far?

“Is it because of Sooyeong and ya know?”, Yoongi asked, “I told you, don’t kill unless they impose a threat, what type of threat was her family and her? Wearing the wrong colored shoes?”

“Jimin and Tae said she had caught them before that and that she was already on to something...” Jeongguk trailed off, it wasn’t the first Sooyeong had caught the duo spying on [Name], and it wasn’t the first time she caught any of the seven.

“They had reasons, okay?” Namjoon sighed irritated, what do they win now arguing, it already happened.

”Of course you’d say so, you helped them too!” Hoseok snarled at Namjoon, how could Namjoon be so fucking dumb.

”Well, who was clumsy enough to get her to remember Mark Lee, huh? Didn’t you say you were going to make her forget Mark was even a name yet you couldn’t even talk to her!” Namjoon harshly whispered to the boy next to him, Hoseok’s eyes widen as he looks around the empty classroom in embarrassment.

”She-she what?”, Jeongguk asked, “She remembers Mark?”

”Yeah, she even talked about him to me you fucking idiots, by the way she spoke she seems to remember every single one, even after she left”, Namjoon sighed, “We can’t do much now, or act by the plan, we-we gotta wait longer and not act-“

”Wait longer?”, Yoongi laughed incredulously, “I waited for years, years, Kim, she fucking left and I had to wait longer and now you come up with this bullshit? What about all that, we gotta go fast before she’s tainted and all that bullshit Tae and you blaber on about?”

”If [Name] was able to catch onto something than most possibly the police too, Min, Officer Kang already did for the fucking record, meaning that if the only person alive were to suddenly disappear she would become the prime suspect, and even if they end up cleaning her name, her life would be ruined because that’d mean they’d need to find us and a) she’d be unprotected, b) or they’ll see her like an accomplice, she’d go to jail because of some shit she didn’t do. That’d be fucking it, it’s better to get close to her and wait for a while or convince her to come with us willingly.”

Yoongi stayed silent as thoughts raced around his head. Who did they think they were to tell him what to do?

“Namjoon’s right...”, Jimin sighed, everyone sighed, “It hurts, but we can wait, right? It’ll be nicer to have her now, but don’t you think it’s better to be cautious?”

”Jimin is right, let’s-let’s leave this for later guys”, Taehyung suggested, “[Name] will be having lunch with us won’t she? So, let’s get ready for now, ok?”

He only received a crowd of unmotivated grunts, as they stood up and made their way out of the classroom.

——☽

”Taehyung, do you think she really remembers Mark?” Jeongguk asked his older friend as they made their way towards their lesson.

”Probably, she cared about him a lot, she almost stopped hanging out with you ‘cause of him, remember?” He answered nonchalantly, he knew that was a sensitive spot for Jeongguk.

“Mark Lee”, Jeongguk test out his name, “Mark fucking Lee, I hope you’re burning in hell.”

”I-I can’t believe it, even after everything we did, she still remembers him? Yet she wouldn’t talk to me? If I could, I would bring him back to life over and over again, and kill him every fucking time. I’d make sure to make him suffer, to let him know that he isn’t worthy of thinking of [Name], that I won her heart the minute she won mine, that she’s mine. Mine! Not his, mine! He probably threatened her to go out with her; asshole. Fucking asshole! It’s his fault! I’m meant to win, not him! Haha, I’m happy we got rid of Mark Lee that summer.”

The oldest of the two seemed unfazed at the youngest fit, rather opting to continue walking in silence. He had to agree, though, he also was happy they got rid of Mark Lee and he would do it again if it meant being with [Name].  

Suddenly, a pair of footsteps made themselves clearer behind them. Stopping half way both males stiffened as a voice made itself heard through the empty hallway.

“Y-You killed Mark?”

ღ__________________ღ

“I did it.”

Irene watched in shock as the younger boy confessed to the death of her younger friend.

“But J-“ The oldest began, but was soon cut off as the male before her began speaking.

”Don’t, I don’t know why I’m telling you of all people, after school I-“

”No, J- I’m... we’re talking here now, you killed someone! And n-now you’re after [Name]?” She shouted as anger began numbing her rationality, she knew what was happening, she had told her and now he came here lying to her?!

”[Name]? I could never! I swear, I-It was only Mark I was after!”

”Only Mark? Only Mark?”, the brunette raised her voice, “What about Sooyeong? Or Nayeon? Or maybe even Jae? Or Yugyeom? Or-“

”Or who? I didn’t kill them!” He shouted, he was getting angrier by the minute, mimicking the eldest girl.

”But you killed Mark, huh?”

”Y-yes.” He answered back, but they both knew that the uncertainty in his voice was clear.

“You didn’t, both you and I know-”

”Stop acting like you know what you’re talking about, Joohyun- !”

”Stop lying! You’re too young, Ji-“

”I’m too young? You’re talking as if I didn’t kill Mar-“

”I know he threatened you, Ji-“

”He who?”

”Namjoon!”

”N-Namjoon had nothing to do with tha-“

”I know you didn’t kill him, Jisung, it was Hoseok wasn’t it?”

———☽

The younger boy looked in horror at the older girl.

”N-no, I s-swear it was m-me!” Jisung stuttered.

”No, I know it wasn’t you. Seulgi’s dad, he told me about how the prime suspect for the Mark Lee case suspect were Jung Hoseok and a man named Son Saeyoung; they closed the case with it being Saeyoung fault, both the murder and death, but it wasn’t like that, right? Hoseok murdered Mark and then someone sold the body parts to Saeyoung, incriminating him. They paid you to tell me this right?”

Silence, only a confirmation to Joohyun. Poor Jisung, he probably only found out by accident and now he was probably going to jail for something he didn’t do.

”It’s okay, tell them I believed you; that I’ll tell Seulgi’s dad, ‘kay? Don’t go to the police just yet though,” Irene stayed silent for a while, “would you follow me? It’s something I need you to do before you go.”

Only nodding in agreement the younger boy walked behind his friend, thankful for her brain, thankful of her for being able to pick up what was wrong.

”Thank you, Joohyun”

”No problem, if we die we die together, ‘kay?”

———☽

Biting her nails anxiously was a wrecked Wendy, she needed to call [Name], fast.

”F-fuck, Joohyun, why did you do this....”

The older girl just cracked a broken smile, her cheek cracked awkwardly as more blood came out from the cut that was plastered on it.

”Ji-Jisung, I-I couldn’t blame him, Mark-k wouldn’t have wanted that...”

She was greeted with silence from her younger friend as she tried calling [Name], again.

”Gosh, [Na-! God, finally! [Name], call Seulgi and her dad, now! Irene is hurt, I need you to come to the rooftop as fast as possible! W-what? What do you mean you’re actually going to have lunch with them? Leave the fucking plan!”, she screamed angrily at the phone, “Irene is dying, and you’re worried about that?”, silence, “You’re gonna call Seulgi, now.”

Wendy cut the phone call before [Name] could protest further, she didn’t want to hear her.

”She’ll call the ambulance and Seulgi’s dad, don’t worry too much, you’ll be fine.”

”G-good, I need to te-tell [Name] something.” Irene muttered.

“I-I just can’t believe Jisung did that, he could’ve killed you...”, Wendy felt tears form at the corner of her eyes, “Joohyun, you could’ve died, we really don’t know what we got ourselves into....”

The older girl pushed herself from the floor, immediately worrying her friend but she was quick to brush her off.

”T-the thing is, Seungwan, [Name], she won’t make it, no matter how hard we try and shake them off; they’ll always find her somehow....”

———☽

”Seulgi! It’s Joohyun she-she’s gotten beaten up, she’s with Wendy now but please come, with your dad and an ambulances too! God, f-fast! Please! It-It was Jisung, it seems like it, but I-I don’t know, okay? I wasn’t there, I’m sorry, please focus on the task at hand.” And with that the girl hung up the phone and rested her head against the bathroom door.

”I should get going now.” She pushed herself and readied herself for the dreaded lunch.

I don’t want to do this.

She thought to herself bitterly, she sighed and pressed a cold hand to her forehead.

“Have I gotten a fever? My cheeks are red...” She felt her cheeks too. They were blazing. She was worried sick about her friends, what was going on?

Silence. The only sound was that of a girl exiting the bathroom.

She walked through the empty halls, her light footsteps barely echoing through the hallway.

She looked through the window, she saw the younger kids during their PE class, she saw a few girls during their free period walking through the quad.

She suddenly stopped dead in her tracks as she heard the words. She didn’t know what had happened before but she blindly spoke in response.

“Haha, I’m happy we got rid of Mark Lee that summer.”

“Jeongguk? Y-You killed Mark Lee?”

The boy in question and his companion stopped and turned around. Their faces paled, their eyes widened and their mouths turned agape.

”[Name]?”

———☽

“They don’t want to kill her, they want to keep her....”

———☽

“Jeongguk, what do you mean?” I asked as I backed away slightly.

He said nothing, he stared directly at me as his friend looked at me wide eyed.

I couldn’t place my finger on how, but I felt like I knew the boy beside Jeongguk; the boy who laughed at the mention of Mark’s death.

”Kim Taehyung?” I whisper softly to myself, I ruffled my hair slightly and let my hand fall on chest. No...

”Kim Taehyung and Jeon Jeongguk, you both killed Lee Mark?” I ask, as I looked at them both in the eye.

Mistake number 1.

Taehyung’s eyes widened further, if possible, as he began to shake and fiddled with his finger. His mouth parted open, and even from where I stood I could hear his jagged breathing.

“Y-you know m-my name?” He asked as a bright blush took over his cheeks, “You know my name, haha, you know me!”

He looked over at Jeongguk, giggling as he grabbed the younger boy by his shoulders,

“She knows me! M-my baby knows me, Jeongguk, oh my-!”

”Taehyung...” Jeongguk grabbed his friend trying to stop him, but he shook him off as he began chanting repeatedly the words “She knows me!”

”Taehyung, she heard us!” Jeongguk whispered harshly, tugging at the oldest sleeve.

”She knows...”

At those words, the blushing male seemed to have been hit with the truth. His smile shut down, and his body took a more menacing, yet lazy, stance.

”My baby knows me, she know us and what we do, because she isn’t stupid, right baby?” He asked me as he began walking towards me, slow steps echoing through the hallways.

”What?” I ask him as I began walking back with every step he took at my direction.

”Taehyung, could that be why she agreed to eat lunch with us?” Jeongguk asked as a dull look came over his eyes, his posture mimicked Tae’s.

”Probably, but don’t worry Kookie! She will spend the rest of the week eating lunch with us, won’t she?” He asked as he backed me against a door.

When did he arrive here?

“N-no! Stop, I’ll tell the police!” I tried pushing him off, but Jeongguk came and took one side of me as Taehyung took the other. I was trapped.

Mistake number 2.

”But, Darling, you wouldn’t want Taehyungie to tell Namjoon would you? That you were toying with us?”

”Are we toys to you?”, Taehyung asked against the crook of my neck, “Do you want to use us? Are we nothing more?”

Excitement took over his voice as he spoke, he began kissing my neck.

”Stop it now! Seulgi’s dad is coming over any second now!”

”Are we toys to you? I don’t mind being your toy, do you Jeonggukie?” Taehyung repeated and asked Jeongguk, ignoring my previous threat.

”No, if it means she’ll only pay attention to me!” He giggled and kissed my cheek.

”Me neither, but just for today; I want to play with her instead, so let’s go!”

He gave me one last kiss, and looked me in the eye, a look that made me shiver; suddenly running away wasn’t an option that didn’t include anyone not getting hurt. I didn’t know what to do, they just confessed to murder damn it! Why can’t I be smarter like Yeri, or athletic like Lisa or cunning like Irene? Why did I have to be me?

”But first, we gotta establish some rules!”, Taehyung continued after he took my bag from my shoulder rather harshly, I grunted in pain as the material brushed aggressively against my neck.

”Number one, you tell no one about what you just heard! That means no Irene, no Seulgi or her dad, no Wendy, or Lisa, or Jennie; we don’t want another Joy, do we?

Second, you’ll only look at us and talk to us, your family’s okay, but only direct family; boys and girls alike will be taken care of accordingly.

Third, you’re doing this out of your free will, if anybody asks; even the other guys!

You have to say yes to us! M’kay? So if I were to ask if you love us you gotta say yes, ha!

Hmm, that’s all I can think about now, we’ll add more as we go, now let’s go skip class! Let’s go to that ice cream place, maybe the others will be there, or maybe just Yoongi!” Taehyung giggled once more and led the way for me and Jeongguk as they both took my hands. We don’t want another Joy? Huh?

I don’t know what’s worse; what they’re doing or that I can’t find the strength to fight.

——☽

By the time we reached the ice cream shop, I had received a text message from Wendy thanking me about calling Seulgi and her dad, she also asked me where I was.

It was the first time I lied to her, it wasn’t a complete lie though, right?

Mistake number 3.

I had to hide to be able to text her as I was being watched at all times by Jeongguk and Taehyung; I felt weak. Why did this happen to me?

”So, [Name]? I went and ordered your favorite ice cream, we also took the liberty to call Yoongi and Jimin so they’re gonna arrive at around 1:40? So while we wait, do you have any questions?” Taehyung asked.

I looked around me, trying to find a possible exit but Jeongguk who sat over at my right, was clutching my hand tightly and Taehyung was blocking the pathway towards the door.

He looked at me curiously, as did Jeongguk, the later being way more quiet but more touchy. He now had a hand on my cheek as he caressed it softly while Taehyung played with my hand.

“Yes, I-I have been receiving letters by a group called Bts; Jin, RM, Hope, Chimmy, V, Suga and Cooky, are they you by any chance?” I did my best to not stutter, to sound confident, to be like Irene.

He stopped playing with my fingers, as he took my hand to his lips and began kissing it.

“My baby is so smart! Yes, I was V while Jeonggukie was Cooky, pretty names right?” He accentuated each word with a kiss.

Suddenly, similar to falling into cold water, I remembered something Lisa told me a few months ago that made me shiver.

“Did any of you ever call a friend of mine?” I asked nervously.

“What? No, why?” Jeongguk asked me, he had stopped playing with my hair, something he did when nervous.

”S-so you don’t know anybody called Seungkwan?”

”Baby?” Taehyung asked growling, he took both of my hands and pressed them against each other and pressed them against his cheeks; pulling me slightly over the table.

“Ah-it’s just a boy that had called a friend of mine as-asking for me, and I thought that maybe that was one of you...” I stuttered, trying to take my hands away.

”That wasn’t us....” Taehyung growled lower, he let go of one hand and continued playing with the other.

“Did he call your friend on her cell phone?” Jeongguk asked as he resumed playing with my hair.

“Yeah... I think she still has the phone on her record....”

”Tell her to give us her phone please, Bunny!” Jeongguk pouted.

“Yeah! But it’s fine though, he won’t bother you, not while we’re with you!” Taehyung smiled at me, but in his eyes I couldn’t ignore the clear look of anger in them.

Just then as Tae finished his threat, the door to the shop opened rather obnoxiously and in came two overly contrasting boys.

Min Yoongi and Park Jimin.

Park Jimin; the schools sweetheart, wearing his ever iconic oversized sweater and charming smile, his school uniform perfectly clean, and stunning hair, which was dyed a pretty dirty blonde, and skin well kept.

Min Yoongi; the schools bad boy, wearing his iconic, and rather cliche, black leather jacket and bored face and look, his uniform messy and dark hair fell over his eyes as he looked around almost as if intimidating everyone who looked his way was his goal.

They seemed to be having a friendly conversation, with Jimin doing most of the talking, when suddenly Yoongi looked over and made eye contact with me, fuck. His eyes widen as he lightly hits Jimin causing the younger boy to look over and a bigger smile to break through.

Just as the two boys made their way over to the table, the waitress came with our orders. Her forearm balancing all of the ice cream’s was suddenly knocked over by Jimin’s overly excited steps and were sent flying onto my school blouse.

Yelping from the coldness seeping into the thin fabric I stand up, harshly setting aside Jeongguk, and try dabbing the icy liquid out of my shirt to no use. I was scared and cold as fuck.

”Oh- [Name]!”, Jimin exclaimed pushing the poor waitress and knocking her over, making her fall to her butt. God no, what is wrong with these people?!

”I-I-“ She tried speaking but was soon cut off by Yoongi.

”What’s your name?” His eyes seemed to widen with anger and his pupils dilated and widened threateningly. He looked like a street cat, I couldn’t help but feel sorry and scared for the young woman.

”Gretel Zacharias...”

Yoongi then looked over at me and my shirt and crouched down next to the woman, whispering something into her ear that caused her to look at him in horror and scramble to her feet quickly and storm off, screaming apologies with tears streaming down her face.

”Sweetheart, please use my sweater!” Jimin began taking off his sweater and handed it to me, blushing furiously. Sweetheart?

He handed me the dark red fabric and smiled sweetly down at me.

Nodding silently, I began to make my way to the bathroom when suddenly Yoongi asked.

”Where are you going, my mus- [Name]?”

Blushing, I boldly walk up to him and tiptoe to the significantly taller male, trying to find the words to make him blush, I’d try a Jennie approach.

”The ice cream got into certain places, it kinda fell into the space between my chest, and I think it’s kinda deep in there too and I don’t want to get a cold...”

Turning away I march into the bathroom stall to take out my shirt and bra. What was I thinking?!

Thank god I hadn’t taken out my other bra from PE the day before...

Why had I done that?

Unfortunately, I didn't think I’d need more shirts and so I had to put on the sweater.

Wetting a bit of paper towel to clean off my chest and hair, and spray some perfume.

“Hopefully Jimin won’t mind the smell...” I snort a bit as I imagine how uncomfortable Jimin would get thanks to my perfume. Hopefully he won’t mind me not using a shirt. Thinking of facing Yoongi again after what I had done made me cringe.

——☽

By the time I got out of the bathroom stall, I got gently grabbed by the arm by Min Yoongi as he gently led me to the table.

”You’re only wearing a bra?” He tried to ask quietly as we sat down.

Blushing at how loudly he said that I look over at him at a loss for words.

”Sweetheart is using my sweater without a shirt?” Jimin squeaked, while Jeongguk muttered  something that sounded like the words; “Lucky bastard”.

”Don’t worry, [Name], no one is allowed to look at you dirtily, only us!” Taehyung giggled as he took my hand and resumed playing with it.

Suddenly Jeongguk grabbed a strand of hair and began braiding it as he had done earlier, when I felt Jimin take my other hand and play with it too; giving it kisses while Yoongi leaned against me and began leaving kisses wherever he could find bare skin.

I couldn’t stop them.

Mistake number 4.

———☽

”Wendy, they want to make her their doll.”

_______________

“I can’t find her!” Seulgi looked over at her dad distraughtly, where was [Name]? She wasn’t in danger, right?

“Bear, are you sure it was her who called you?”

”Yes? I mean, it says on my phone it was her and Irene and Wendy told us about her.... maybe someone kidnapped her!”

”Why would you think someone kiddna-”

”Where’s Irene?” Seulgi looked over at her dad, the poor man didn’t understand his daughters fast words and seemingly nonsensical actions.

“In the ambulance getting treated, she’s fine but will be take-”

He never finished the sentence as his daughter ran out of the room and out into the parking lot screaming for her friends.

Running until her lungs felt like they would collapse Seulgi pushed past the paramedics until she saw her two friends talking in whispers to one another.

”Wendy!” The black haired girl shouted as she made her way to the girl.

”Seulgi! What happe-“

”Do you know with who [Name] was with?” Seulgi said breathless, her heart was beating in her ears, she felt all of her senses alert. Suddenly she was in survival mode.

”The boys, she-“ Wendy tried to explain, but Seulgi’s nervousness began affecting her too.

”No, she wasn’t with them, she wasn’t the bathroom, right Wendy?” Irene cut off the younger girl.

”What- no! She-“

”She wasn’t with them, I saw them whilst Jisung asked me to follow him.”

”Ah, really? But she told me-“ Wendy tried to debate with the eldest but was cut off again as Seulgi began speaking.

”I think- I think we should talk to [Name], or at least me, I’m the one who knows the most and they’d kinda figure out if all of us suddenly-“

”Irene! The doctors couldn’t find any broken bones, just a lot of internal and external bleeding but it has stopped, you were lucky this time as it was quite a superficial case so you’ll be able to go home just fine! I’ll take you-“

The female in question, much to everyone’s amazement, stood up by herself; not resembling the girl who had just been lying there before.

“Go look for her outside, she might be with an angel and ice.” Irene spoke, she didn’t look back as she began running away ignoring the younger girls calls and making her way to the ice cream shop.

Just like they’d planned.

———☽

”Seulgi, I-I think I know where [Name] is but we shouldn’t go there now, let’s send your dad.”

”Why?”

”I think Irene....”

The older girls eyes widen as she stared at her friend.

“N-no.... but that’d mean that Joy-“

”Shh!” She was hushed by her friend.

”We need to tell [Name] and the other girls! I’ll call the others you go tell your dad [Name]’s at ‘Angela’s Cream’! Go with your dad, we’ll meet over at your house!”

”Ok!” Seulgi began running next to Wendy when suddenly they were stopped by the scream of a teacher.

”Oh my god! There’s a dead boy in the basket ball court- it’s Park Jisung!”

They both froze in place, looking each other in the eye; an albeit silent, but mutual agreement of what was happening and what must be done was shared and they both parted ways.

Another life could be taken any minute now, they couldn’t risk it because the next victim could be [Name] or maybe even themselves.

____________ღ

As the four boys talked around me, I couldn’t shake off the feeling of questioning if I had done the right thing. If my assumptions were correct the girls would show up any minute now, or at least Seulgi’s dad.

Please, Wendy, you’re smart!

I prayed silently, looking out the window I noticed how the former quiet road was now taken into blue and red; a police car. I was about to cry out of joy.

The black car pulled over at the street and out came the familiar looking officer; Police Chief Officer Kang. Also known as Seulgi’s dad.

He marched into the ice cream shop until he made eye contact with me. Relaxing my previously tense stance I gently nudge Jeongguk and point over to where Mr Kang was standing as he spoke with the shop owner.

”What...” He whispered shocked as he took my hand forcibly.

”Taehyung, the police...” Jimin trailed off, he began sweating anxiously as the officer made his way towards our seats.

”Hello, are you students from-“

”Yes we are, we are out here with permission sir.” Yoongi cut off rather rudely.

”Well, good for you! Now, I need to know if Miss [Last Name] is he-! There you are, you’re needed in the police station now, please come with me.” He answered back rudely back, he never did enjoy taken bullshit from other people, I felt tears pool in my eyes in relief.

”What- why?” I asked faking shock.

”For the murder of your friend Sooyeong and the recent murder of a boy named Park Jisung”, he answered, “We were told you were close to both of them and you might be the clue to finding the murder of these two.”

”J-Jisung?”

“Yes please, follow me now” He took my hand from Jeongguk and pulled me out of the cage he and Yoongi had made and led me to the exit.

The words of protest were blocked from my ears as they seemed to be filled with blood, the thick liquid blocking all sound except the words forming in my head.

It’s your fault he’s dead.

The words kept repeating themselves as I boarded the car and I sat next to my friend Seulgi.

I stared at her through as tears kept falling and the imaginary blood in my ears kept rushing.

She said nothing as she too cried and held me in her arms tightly. Probably afraid of what was going on.

If only I knew it was because of the sick betrayal of our close friend.

”[Name] , I’ll be taking you to my house, Seulgi told me that the other girls were going to be there by the time we arrive; so please don’t worry...” Officer Kang spoke softly to us as he drove the black police car to his home.

——☽

As we drove through the town, I couldn’t shake the bitter feeling of regret of ever coming back here.

The pretty colors of the sunset that painted the windows and our sling in the car only added to the bitter feeling of helplessness and nostalgia that ate me away.

Seulgi, who was exhausted, had fallen asleep beside me and was now resting herself in my shoulder as I stared out the window.

Watching the commercial buildings turn into the neighborhoods, and the businessmen and women turn into gangs of kids playing games out with their families and pets, I couldn’t stop the hopeless wish that settled in of wanting to stop it all.

As we pulled into the driveway of Seulgi’s family home, I nudged her slightly for her to wake up.

“You need to explain everything, please.”

———☽

The dyed red-head made her way to the ice cream shop, only to find the people she had wished to find gone, sighing she fixed herself through the reflection of herself in the mirror; she didn’t look that bad for what she was about to do and had done.

She didn’t even feel guilty, she tricked her friends and? That didn’t mean she regretted her actions it was her survival over theirs. It was a selfish world they lived in.

”Irene! You’re here?” The red-headed laughed bitterly.

”Please, stop it... I can’t keep it up like this! They’re gonna end up dead!” Irene cried, tears falling.

“Tell me Irene, does it look like I care? I’m dead for all they know, and a dead girl can’t cause chaos.” Sooyoung asked.

”No, Joy, you aren’t dead but I sure wish you were....”

_____________ღ

“What?” Chaeyoung exclaimed, no one was ready for what Wendy and Seulgi had just said.

”Joy is alive?” Jennie asked confused as she leaned against the wall.

“Yeah, she’s probably working with the guys after [Name] too...” Wendy finished, she sighed.

”We should tell Seulgi’s dad...” Chaeyoung suggested, despite her shock she still was more useful than I could ever be.

”Yeah, then that’d rid Sooyeong and Irene, and with our witnesses they’ll at least put Sooyeong in jail” Seulgi agreed, I knew by the way she spoke that the idea pained her, it pained all of us. Irene and Joy, who would have thought?

”But then that leaves the boys....” Lisa brought up a very big point, the main point.

”I’ll deal with them”, I speak up suddenly, “It’s my fault, not yours, I-I know what I have to do just give me some time and things will go back to normal.”

”No”, Jennie sighed, “You won’t, that’s just fucking stu-“

”Let her”, Jisoo spoke up, “She’s- [Name], [Name] are you sure about this?”

Nodding I look at her as determinedly as I could, I could fix this.

“You won’t changer your mind will you?” Yeri laughed bitterly, I wouldn’t betray them.

I nodded again.

”It’s for the best” I said quietly, even if I was unsure I had put people in danger, I have been useless and I have only been an inconvenience, I wanted to do something, I needed to do something.

”But these boys, that we don’t even know, can do anything! What if you end up hurt? The what if’s are endless!” Jennie argued, she was blushing with anger, “We can’t just send you like that?”

“Jennie”, Jisoo hugged her tightly, “It’s our [Name], she won’t go down without a fight. I trust her and should you, all of us.”

”I can’t believe we’re agreeing to this...” Wendy said exasperated, tears bubbling under her eyes, I felt tears bubble in mine too as I looked at my friends.

“What are you going to do?” Yeri asked again, “Maybe we can come up with a middle ground.”

”I’ll give them what they want” I stated without budging.

”What?” Wendy shouted, jumping from the bed and slamming her hands on the bedside table.

”What’s so bad about that?” Chaeyoung asked, suddenly her eyes widened.

”She’s gonna give herself! That’s what she’s gonna give!”, Wendy raised her voice.

”What?” Jisoo exclaimed, eyes widening.

”You can’t do that!” Turning around, Lisa began hyperventilating.

”You-“

The girls began acting up, begging me to change my mind, but I wouldn’t. All of this was happening because of me, and if I could stop it then I fucking would.

”You’re gonna do wha-?”

“You stupid bi- you’re gonna give yourself like that?”

”Gosh, you-you’re really stupid aren’t you? How are you even going to do that?”

“By walking out the door, duh?”

———☽

They locked me in the bathroom.

I was locked in the bathroom, sitting in the bathtub and silently singing nursery rhymes as I waited until they finished telling Mr Kang the truth.

I was indeed very stupid.

Silently running the plan through my head, I lean against my knees and pray that their intentions aren’t bad. That if I do end up going with them that I won’t end up dead in a ditch. But it was indeed better than having my friends dead.

Leaning against the bathtub, I close my eyes and let myself sleep for a while. Numbing myself to the surrounding world. I hadn’t been able to really have a peaceful time since coming back to this damned town.

As I stay there, nightmares and never ending thoughts began plaguing my mind.

What if I jump out of the window, make my way to Kook’s house and let him kidnap me. No one will miss me anyway, plus I’m the reason why all of this is happening. The reason Sooyeong faked her death, killed her sister and mother and betrayed us. I’m the reason Mark’s dead, Nayeon, the rest. I shouldn’t be here. I don’t deserve to be here. I don’t deserve to be alive now.

Tears began slipping out of my eyes, as the thoughts began multiplying and breathing became hard. Shaking harshly from the mere memory of the news articles declaring my friends deaths; knowing that somehow I had caused them.

I lost track of time. I couldn’t stop shaking and crying as blame and guilt began consuming me.

All my senses began failing me.

I couldn’t hear, I couldn’t see, I couldn’t touch and I couldn’t speak.

A feeling of numbness began biting at my ribs, leaving trails of pain as it made its way up my head until I was left with a pounding headache. My cheeks felt cold as the tears ran across them, broken sobs that overtook the sound of footsteps and bodies falling.

I couldn’t think, I couldn’t hear, I couldn’t understand and I couldn’t feel.

”Please, anyone, save me”

The door burst open, and I let out a scream.

———☽

[3rd Point of View]

The blood from the bunch of young women laid over the house as Sooyeong stood panting.

“I-I did it....” She whispered softly.

Laying down, she waited for her captors to come over and finish the job. Laughing lightly she looked over to her presumably dead, older friend, Irene.

”Onnie, we’ll meet in hell, haha, just like Jennie said!” She laughed full of delusions.

As she rested on her back, she tilted her head to see all her friends, gone.

“If only...”, she whispered, “If only I was allowed to kill her too, then we’d be together forever...”

Smiling, she let bitter tears run down her cheek.

“I can’t believe I’m fucking dying full of regrets, haha, fantastic!” She turned around in the bloodied floor, she noticed her sides were all red and sticky.

”Ugh, didn’t Officer Kang keep cigars?” She muttered, as she pulled herself upwards.

Stumbling into her dead friend’s father office, she made her way to the ‘empty’ liquor cabinet, the one Seulgi so many times defended and said was filled with juice and snacks. There sat stacks of Marlboro and heavy liquor. Opening a random packet she took a cigarette and slowly lit it, placing it between her lips. Taking a heavy breath she let out a dull huff.

Laying against the table, she counted the minutes until her death.

Still with her cigarette, she made her way to the bathroom, sitting against the door she knocked softly.

”Guys?”, she heard her friends voice, ex-friend, she reminded herself bitterly, I sold them away.

With a clear idea of who was in the bathroom, Joy began to speak.

”You know, I always told myself that if any of my family members or friends were to get in a life or death I would put myself after them and take the bullet. But, ha, now that it really happened, I killed my fucking parents and sister, sold you lot to them and signed my own fucking death note and now, they’re gonna take you away! Priceless!”, she laughed, “Fucking priceless, I promised myself that I wouldn’t die full of sin or regret but look at me now, keeping you busy while they kill your family! They’ll come by any minute and kill me, bet you they’ll do it quick. That way they’ll take you away faster, you’ll live like a princess [Name], ahhh, how much I wished I was you right now. Seven hot dudes killing for me, I’d die for that...”

A muffled voice could be heard, and loud banging against the door.

“Joy?”

She ignored her.

“Tell me, [Name], should I let myself be killed or should I kill myself?”

”Where are the others? Joy!”

”Oh, the girls?”, Sooyeong asked as she took another swing, “They’re dead. I killed them, anyway, what should I do?”

The girl inside the bathroom finally was able to hear it all, all at once it hit her, her senses overwhelmed her, and so she cried, punched and kicked, she let the inner turmoil inside of her manifest itself into the surface.

”Let me out you psycho!” Never once did [name] question if that was Joy.

”Sweetie”, Joy laughed, “I’m not half as bad as them!”

”Who? Who dammit?” The younger girl cried in frustration.

”BTS”, Sooyeong accentuated every letter, “Your secret lovers!”

”Wha-“

A loud bang into the door and several footsteps were heard from the floor below the two females.

“They’re here, fuck them, I’ll do it myself” Sooyeong muttered to herself.

Standing up, she opened the lock to the bathroom door, however she didn’t open the door; yet.

Heart racing, she took the gun that was situated next to Jennie’s body, they were getting close. She could tell due to the increasing volume of the chatter, the sound of footsteps and the smell of rotten seven little pigs who will all burn in hell.

Hastily she made her way to the bathroom and opened the door to revel a petrified [Name], tears streaming down her face as she looked at her demented friend.

They were now outside the door.

“Bye bye, bitch. Remember that I love you and I will save you”

Joy leaned the gun against her chest and shot her herself.

Blood spilled everywhere as her falling body made way to the most agonizing and traumatic sight.

Seulgi’s room was littered with her friends dead bodies, including Seulgi’s parents. The walls showed claw marks, blood splattered against the walls and organs spilled on the floor.

Gagging, [Name] cried louder than before, sobs echoing on the almost empty house.

A rush of footsteps and angry mutters made their way outside the bathroom door before five male figures appeared on the doorway.

“[Name]!”

____________ღ

With wide eyes I look up and find Jeongguk and his ‘gang’, people I know now to refer to as Bts.

After hearing what Joy had said before shooting herself, I couldn’t help the fear that ran through my veins as I saw five of the seven males, where were the other two? What had happened?

”Get away from me!” I shouted at them and pressed myself into the wall, Jimins’ sweater and my skirt were now soaking wet from the leftover water, my socks were drenched, but I didn’t care, I needed distance right now.

“What?” Jeongguk asked flabbergasted, he stepped forward but I let out a scream to show I was not having it.

”I said what I said! Get away from me, you freaks!” I screamed, now with anger replacing the fear. These men ruined my life in just a few days, in just a few hours they took almost everything I had away from me, I only had my family left now and even then I wasn’t sure about that.

”I- we’re here to rescue you!”, Taehyung said as he approached me slowly, he pushed Jeongguk slightly to the side as he opened his arms.

”No! Joy told me everything, she said that you made her kill the girls and that this bullshit, yeah this fucking bullshit, that it’s all your fault!” I screamed at them, I motioned to the room as tears hot ran down my face.

”She did what?” Namjoon asked as he pushed Taehyung and Jeongguk away and walked over to me.

Peering over the bathtub, he gently took my hand.

”Baby, how do you know she wasn’t lying? Huh, she faked her death, killed her friends and family, how do you know she wasn’t lying to you again?” He whispered softly, he took my hand and rubbed circles against my palm.

”Because I know her-” I tried arguing with him but my mind was shutting itself off.

”Mhm?” He asked softly as he helped me stand up and exit the tub, I began shivering as I looked over to see the body of my friends, the people who had only tried to help me, looking so damn dead.

”She said you killed my family and that you were going to come over and take me away, I trust her more than I’d ever trust you.” I trailed off, my feet wobbled as my legs gave out due to the sight in front of me, I was about to puke.

”Really now?” He questioned as he took my legs and carried me bridal style, he took me and the four other boys away from the bathroom, he looked down at said girls body and silently motioned Yoongi, “Do you think we killed your family? That Kookie did?”

At the mention of his name, Jeongguk came over and kissed my cheek as Namjoon held onto my now shaking body.

“No, Kookie wouldn’t... right?” I questioned myself softly as I began questioning myself.

”No, bunny!” He lied, he was lying! Joy would never lie.

”See?”, Namjoon asked, “he wouldn’t lie to you, we wouldn’t lie to you, on the other hand your friends over there did. Irene knew about Joy, she even helped her. So how do you know the others weren’t in on it?”

”How do you kn-“

”Irene came to me about it, after she got injured, she told me she knew all about Joy and her plan, that’s why we went over to your house to be sure you were okay, thank god you weren’t there because a fire started all over the neighborhood, seven or so houses caught on fire,” Namjoon continued on speaking.

”Sweetheart, I’m sorry but we weren’t able to get your family out on time at all.” Jimin added on as he opened the front door.

”What-?” My family… was gone?

Why did it make sense?

”Mhm, we think it was Joy who did it too, I mean she already killed at least twelve people, what are three more?” Namjoon continued on talking, I shook at what he said.

“Hey, Namjoon help me ove-“ I heard a voice speak, but I couldn’t pinpoint whose voice it was, being too concerned about what Namjoon was talking about, he did sound familiar though.

“Jin, say hi to [Name] over here, she’s currently very scared,  but we’ll fix that, won’t we?” Jimin told the owner of the unknown voice, he sounded happy.

“Aww, is she? Are you sad? Don’t worry, we’ll be taking you to a beautiful vacation in a few hours so don’t worry, you’ll be safe soon.” Jin awed, he pinched my cheek it hurt but I couldn’t bring myself to show any sort of reaction .

Too tired to question what was really happening, I let them take me to the black van parked outside of Seulgi’s family home. I didn’t have it in me to fight, I wasn’t like my friends; I was alive and they were dead now, there was no use comparing us. As we walked, I couldn’t help but notice the strong smell that began floating in the air, were they pouring gas all over the house?

Why wasn’t I fighting? Was I that weak?

As Jeongguk opened the door to the van, I couldn’t help but notice how a few of my bags from back home littered the van.

”Why do you have my bags?” I asked with a monotone, soft voice I could barely talk.

”Ah, that was me, your parents had been noticing how you had been feeling off, so I had taken out your bags to go over to my house earlier that day,” Jeongguk explained, he talked too fast though, maybe he was lying but I couldn’t find it in me to care..

“Ah, okay.” I truly didn’t understand the logic behind that explanation but I was too tired to try to question them further, I was too numb.

Letting them pile inside the car, I lean against Jeongguk and slowly let myself succumb to sleep.

“Ah, Jin we didn’t need ropes or drug, I told you so.” Namjoon whispered.

”Hey, Namjoon, where are we going at the end?” Taehyung asked as he caressed my face.

”Far away, Tae, really far away”, Namjoon responded mindlessly, “So far away that people will forget we even existed here...”

————☽

Waking up by suddenly being picked up by someone, I peel my eyes open.

“What the-” I was about to complain when I began panicking.

”Oh! You’re awake?” I heard a voice I didn’t recognize ask, who was he?!

Looking up, I see a rather attractive male with noticeable folded ears smile down at me.

“Who are you?”, I whisper-shout at the unknown male, “And where the- where are you taking me! Put me down, sir! This is borderline kidnapping, that’s what this is! Let me down or I am calling the police, I am going to shout, I swear it! My best friend’s father is a police officer damn you!”

All the unknown boy do was smile down at me and hugged me tighter to his chest.

“Stop it this instant! Do not cuddle me! Who do you think you are?” I continue to toss and shriek.

“Haha, cute.” Was his only answer, this fucking bastard!

“I am not cute-“ Stopping suddenly as I feel the man going up stairs, I panic, “Where are we going?”, I ask less loudly, I then realized I had let the boy take me to who knows where, “You haven’t answered me yet.”

”Oh, we’re boarding a plane.” He smiled and continued walking forward.

”What the- No we are not! You are boarding a plane, and you are forcing me to board it with you! Who- I am so telling on you to the police!” I shout at him.

Suddenly arriving at the top of the airplane stairs, the man carrying me puts me down and opened the entrance to the plane.

Pushing me slightly inside, I meet with the gaze with five familiar males. Memories of earlier this day rushed into my brain.

“Y-you!”, I look at Namjoon, “You sweet talking mother fucker! Let me go, now!”

As if he’d gotten hit, he flinched and looked at me hurt.

“What are you talking about? I didn’t do any-“

”My ass! Go suck my spiritual dick you little fucker! You fucking drove Sooyeong insane, you killed my family with a fucking house fire you little dick!“

”We did not kill your family it was a house fire-“ Namjoon tried to explain to me as he stood up.

”God you must really like my ass, it’s impossible! We had the wires in the whole mother fucking neighborhood checked less than two weeks ago, so unless someone like you fucking tampered with the wire there is no reason for that fire! Do you really think I wouldn’t know my best friend? Sooyeong couldn’t even get the goddamn wifi working without five fucking youtube videos and her dad!”

”You do have a good ass.” I heard Yoongi remark, I flipped him off as I continue screaming at Namjoon.

“And we didn’t do it why would you think-“

”Because everytime you kill you make a fire to burn all the evidence, you dumbass! At least get creative and do something new! Don’t serial killers enjoy being different and unique and quirky or some shit?”

”How do you know?” Jimin asked slightly alarmed, the tension went from me being a little bitch to them all being in high alert.

“Do you think I’m that dumb to not notice how every boy and girl I’ve ever gotten close with dies? Look, I didn’t go around announcing it like-like it was something I was proud of it, but does that mean I wasn’t slightly suspicious? Like, dude, any boy I went three meters next to dropped dead, man. Like, that shit ain’t normal.” I asked dumbfounded, sure I wasn’t smart like Yeri or Seulgi but I wasn’t dumb either.

”Shit, if you realized than-“

”Ha, but don’t worry because you murdered the head officer in your case! He was going to announce it in a meeting in a few days or whatever but oh so lucky you! He’s fucking dead and in ashes because you idiots couldn’t think of anything better!” Maybe I’m being unreasonable, I’m fucking fighting with the murderers of my friends and family but I’m not afraid not anymore at least.

”You don’t understand! We did because-“ Jimin began trying to explain.

”We love you!”, Taehyung finished, “We love you so much-“

”Well, I hate you!”, I shouted at him, “You lot ruined so many lives, including mine! How the bloody hell am I meant to return feelings for su-“

”Wowowow, sweetie hate is a strong word, maybe you could say slightly displeased.” Namjoon remarked calmly as he walked over to Jeongguk and Jimin who were now in border line tears.

“Well, I have a strong hatred towards you!”

”Hmm? What’s with all the noise-! Hey, princess, you’re awake! Good, come on, sit over here.” A handsome male came over to me, taking my hand and leading me to a plush chair.

”Awww, you’re crying? Come here”, he took my head into his chest, “Don’t worry, I’m here, shhh, what did these awful, dirty, stupid, morons do? Come on tell Jinnie.”

I hadn’t realized I had been crying until he had remarked it, man, I really did cry a lot.

”T-they hurt me and my-“, I choked out.

”They what?” He spat as he slowly and gently sat me in his lap, re-taking my head into his chest not allowing me to look.

”N-no, they- they, I’m scared,” I cried into his shirt, “Please help, Jinnie”

I had no idea what his name was, was this that Jin dude, I could only blindly guide myself from what he had called himself.

”Y-you’re scared of what?” I heard him ask flustered, flustered by what? I had no idea who this man was or his name and he really isn’t leaving me with the best impression.

Pushing my head off his shirt I met his familiar looking eyes.

“T-them....”

”Awww, princess, don’t worry! They won’t hurt you, they’re with me. We’re trying to protect you, baby.” He smiled.

“F-from what? You’re the ones hurting people. I asked, all the changes in my mood began making me tired. I couldn’t think properly anymore.

”Shhh, babe, have we hurt you?”

”N-no?”

”Then, are we really the bad people?”

”I-I don’t know? Yes?” I answered as my voice broke in confusion, they were bad people. Why couldn’t I say so? Why were they so kind? Weren’t they the ones that were trying to hurt me? They killed everyone, right? But then, they seem kind so how would they do it? Maybe, it wasn’t them?

”Namjoonie, come here, tell our princess here that we aren’t trying to hurt her.” Jinnie motioned Namjoonie to come. No, Namjoon, he doesn’t deserve an affectionate nickname.

”Hey, babe, look up at me. We won’t hurt you, we’re saving you from the bad people like Sooyeong. You know, the girl who killed your friends and her family?” Namjoonie said.

No he isn’t Namjoonie.

”Why would I lie to you, hmm? Jinnie, Kookie, Jiminie, Yoongs, Taehyungie, Hoseokie and me wouldn’t lie to you.”

“Y-you wouldn’t?” I asked, suddenly everything was getting number and number.

The air smelled sweeter, my vision was hazy, I couldn’t think properly. I felt giggly. Suddenly, Jinnie seemed like the comfiest surface in the world so I threw myself into his chest, giggling.

”Ahh, p-princess, you’re making me blush!”, Jinnie laughed.

“I’ll tell the pilots to start since someone is too busy.” I heard Kookie say.

Hearing him stand up and leave the room, I lean against Jinnie further.

————☽

By the time I as suddenly woken up, I still felt slightly giggly from whatever had happened earlier. A sudden weight had been added into my chest and stomach making me open my eyes and look down at the male on top of me.

”Hi, umm, who are you?” I asked him.

“Your Jinnie,”

“No, I mean who are you?”

”Hey, babe. I- do you really not remember me?”, ‘Jinnie’ asked suddenly.

Looking down at him in sudden confusion I shake my head no.

”Ahh, such a pity.... I do, you know, remember you.” He said as he leaned further against my chest, “I remember meeting you the first time like it was yesterday, it’s engraved into my mind. Sometimes, I have dreams about the day I met you, about how I could have acted to make you mine. Yet I didn’t do that. Those dreams made me act like this, those dreams helped make my mind clear; that I needed to protect you from the bad people. Not like I don’t always dream of you. Every dream I’ve had since I met you is about you. Innocent and not. Dreams about what I could do to you, how I could claim you as mine and lock you up in a castle and protect you from there. God, the thought that you don’t remember me makes me so fucking sad you have no idea yet knowing that I can restart with you is almost like a blessing.”

He looked out the window as did I. As I looked out I noticed how dark it was, and how the stars seemed to make the sea shine brighter.

“I’m- I’m Kim Seokjin, I’m currently twenty-two and I’m taking you, [Last Name] [Full Name] being now seventeen years of age, to the farthest place I can find. It’s a pretty island that I bought a few years ago, in that little big island I made a whole village for you and the rest of the guys. There we’ll have everything, and when we run out; I can always buy more. I can run my business from there, that way we won’t ever run out of money and if you ever want to leave I’ll be able to take you away to anywhere...” He introduced himself smiling softly.

”Seokjin... like the Kim Seokjin from camp?” I asked suddenly.

”Wait you remembered?” He asked in shock, his eyes sparkled with hope.

”W-well not one hundred percent but I think I do?”, I answer in quite a bit of a shock myself, “You bought an island and built a village for me? You have to be kidding, there is no way you-“

”Well, my family owned it anyway but I bought it from my parents; it was practically a gift from them.” He answered.

”But still! You’re insane, who the hell spends that much money on a crush?”

”You are not a crush, [Name].” He laughed, “I love you! For god’s sake I made a whole little village for you!”

”G-god, you’re insane!” I freaked out, the effects of earlier gone.

A dulling look came over his eyes suddenly when I spoke those words.

”Princess, look, I have done way worse shit than buying and building a goddamn village for you. If you needed I’d start a war for you. So do what you do best, and be a good girl for Jinnie, okay? No cussing, no acting out of line, drinking all of the juice and no calling me a freak.” He whispered against my ear.

”What’s wrong with you!” I shouted at him.

Suddenly I heard shuffling from the seat behind me, and the boy that had carried me earlier popped up.

“Good night, what happened darling? Did the serum ware off?” He asked, he seemed tired yet he still smiled, he was wearing a beanie that made his ears pop out even more.

”Yes, it did, Hoseok could you please bring in some more.” Jin asked Hoseok.

“Jung Hoseok? Like star dancer Jung Hoseok?”

He didn’t respond as he fiddled with a bottle until he sat down at the seat next to mine with a little silk piece.

“The one and only, pumpkin, now close your eyes and you’ll feel happy again! You want that right? When you start behaving nicely as you do with this we’ll stop dozing you! Okay? So be good for me, please?”

He gently brought the silk next to my nose and I felt myself go into complete darkness, the same sweet air in my lungs again without me wanting it to.

____________ღ

A string of light coming from the barley opened curtains, followed by the sound of waves crashing against the sand happened to be the reason I woke up today.

Opening my eyes slightly thinking, hoping, that I’d wake up to find myself in my room. But I wasn’t. This wasn’t my room and most definitely not my house.

With fully open eyes, sit up in the comfy bed I happened to be laying in. White, silky sheets with beautiful lace designs, and pillows that smelled wonderful. The bed wasn’t the only dead giveaway that I wasn’t home, other than the rather obnoxious sound of tropical birds and the sea, the room was too.

The spacious room was adorned with clean, grey, stone walls. Walls that were gracefully decorated with minimalist paintings and photos of me and seven men I didn’t know, upon further inspection I saw a picture of what’s supposed to be the night sky the day I was born. A white desk sat in the corner of the wall in front of me, a desk filled with gifts.

At both sides of the bed, there were bedside tables made of glass and black wood. On top of them, each had a lamp and a picture frame of what appeared to be the sea, in one sat a remote control, a small white box and a ring box. In the other, sat a bunch of my trinkets from back home.

The room had a black, clean and shining marble floor, and in some areas had fluffy rugs like beneath the desk and a round glass table, with a rather beautiful flower arrangement, that was placed in the corner, next to the window, it seemed to take a good fourth of the wall.

Looking around once more I saw what I assumed was a closet and bathroom. Both of which, by the looks of it, seemed to be overly spacious.

Standing up from the bed, I looked down to find myself in a white, silk nightgown, quite similar to the fabric of the sheets.

Expecting cold from the marble floor, I was astonished to find that the floor was actually rather warm.

Now as I stood in the middle of the room, I realized how big it really was.

“God, it’s like, three times my old bedroom...” I trailed off.

Remembering the box that lies next to my bed, I rushed over to the bedside and rushed to open the package. Inside was a brand new phone, black and cold to the touch.

”What the-“ Turning around I run to the desk only to find it full of designer branded bags and boxes.

From Gucci to Louis Vuitton, my mouth fell agape at how much all of this must’ve cost. Not only the gifts, but the television, phone, computer and this very same room must have cost a fortune.

“Who the heck has that much money?” I ask myself quietly as I sit down on the desk chair.

A sudden curiosity came over me as I stood up and made my way to what I assumed must have been the closet. Pushing the black door I’m met with a closet as big as my room back home, filled with expensive looking clothes and shoes. Jewelry was stored in glass cases, the light casted a glittering shine to the diamonds and pearls, and a vanity sat in the far back, also filled with makeup. The walls were of black marble, they seemed to hold a certain shine to them that was only noticeable thanks to the beautiful and large glass chandelier that laid on top of the jewelry case.

As I walk inside what’s basically Narnia, I hear the door to the room open as a pretty looking girl looks at me and squeaks.

”Oh! Miss Kim, I thought you wouldn’t wake up ‘till later! Well then, I guess I’ll help you earlier than I thought!” She exclaimed happily, her smile was wide as she spoke.

“Miss Kim?” I asked her as she gently pushed me inside and sat me down in the black velvet chair.

”Yes! I’m one of the maids that are meant to help you when you’re with Mr Kim, other times I guess you’ll get called depending on which Mr your with! Honestly, I think you look cuter with Mr Seokjin!” She giggled as she began combing my hair, she was soft and careful as she brushed my hair

”Hmm, ah! I know, how about a dress? Yes! They said that they would appreciate if you could wear a dress today! It’s hot, so how about a sundress? A strapless one could do, you do have a pretty skin color so I guess a black one could work!” She chanted to herself.

”Okay, go take a long, nice shower and I’ll help you once you get out. Now go, go, trust good ol’ Chuu!” She laughed.

Standing up, she led me to the bathroom and directed me where everything was. She then left me do wash myself.

“Love, take as long as you want but do keep in mind Misters have been waiting for you since you’ve arrived!”

And so I washed myself. I tried to use the best smelling soap and shampoo I could find, to then using the best smelling perfume once I was done. Sighing at how good it felt to be clean, especially after all the mess from earlier, I take a look at the redness of my eyes and puffiness of my cheeks.

I hadn’t realized how long I had taken, but it seems that long enough for Chuu, or Jiwoo as she had also introduced herself as, to pick a black summer dress, shoes and beautiful makeup.

Giving me the dress, I change as fast as I could to let Jiwoo do her magic, maybe she’d take long enough to take my mind off things.

By the time I was ready, I still remembered all that had happened and Jiwoo had left me in the room, telling me another girl would come and pick me up to take me to eat.

So now, I was sitting in this foreign room waiting for god knows what.

———☽

”Hey, [Name]?” I heard Taehyung ask me as he gently nudged me.

”N-no...” I groaned as I covered my face with the silk.

“Yes, princess, c’mon, if you don’t want to walk I’ll take you by force!” He laughs as he lifts me up.

”No.” I groan as I turn around, causing him to almost drop me.

”Shit! [Name], we’re leaving to eat, now.” He scolds as he looks at his watch, he then takes my hand and exits the room.

I get dragged in silence through the modern and yet old looking house until we exit the building and enter the garden.

“Do you like it?” Taehyung asked suddenly.

”Like what?”

”The island?”

”I haven’t seen it much, but it doesn’t seem bad. But I’d rather be home with my family, not, you know, being kidnapped and living with a bunch of stalkers, it’d also be nice to you know, know whats happening? And like, be home and safe?“

”We aren’t stalkers, [Name], we’re just doing something important; taking care of you, plus, your family is dead.”

Staying in silence, I keep trying to ignore the fact my family was fucking dead and that maybe two of my friends turned out to be murderers.

Was Jiwoo into this too? She seemed to be so kind but then again, Joy did too...

Suddenly being pulled down, Taehyung took my hand and led me into a fancy looking greenhouse in the middle of the garden.

“Why are we here?” I asked him as he hummed a melody as we walked through arrangements of different flowers and exotic looking plants.

”To eat, silly!” He laughed, he squeezed my hand as he led me faster.

Once we reached the section filled with my favorite flowers, I began hearing chatter and the sound of plates being served. The voices grew louder the deeper we walked into the [Favorite Flower] filled space.

“Hey, princess, did Jiwoo give you you’re medicine?” Taehyung asked as we made our way.

“N-no?”

”Ahhh, we’ll need to talk to her then, but don’t worry! I’ll give it to you here!” Taehyung smiles down at me.

Even though there was nothing scary about Taehyung, his way bigger frame than mine and the smile that was etched into his face whenever he saw me definitely began creeping me out enough, as if he being my stalker and killing my family wasn’t enough reasons to be wary of him.

He stopped when we were met with a glass room that was seemingly placed in the middle of the greenhouse, he knocked on the door and let go of my hand, placing me in front of him.

The chatter died down as a maid opened the door and we were revealed six males and a few maids, who were standing to the sides. The men were sitting around an organized and pretty wooden table that was filled with delicious looking foods.

”[Name]!” I heard Jeongguk exclaimed as he stood up and made his way to us.

”God...”, I heard Jimin sigh, “Pretty....”

”Please sit down, over here.” Yoongi motioned to the end seat next to him and Seokjin in the head of the table in their end.

Jeongguk took my hand and led me to the seat as Seokjin took out the chair for me to sit. By the time I was sat down, the majority of the boys had already engaged themselves into conversation leaving me to myself when suddenly Yoongi began talking to me and Seokjin.

”So, kitten, how much do you really know about us?” Yoongi asked me, I suddenly remember his comment about my ass and blush slightly as he smirked.

Blushing even more at the nickname, I look back at him and shrugged slightly.

”Gosh, you’re so cute!” Seokjin gushed as he squished my cheek.

”I-I guess, not much... I mean, what I knew were only theories made by my friends...” I spoke quietly as I swatted Seokjin’s hand.

”And what did they come up with?” Yoongi asked, as he took my hand and gently caressed it.

”That you were the ones that wrote the letters....” I spoke in whispers through gritted teeth, I try and pry my hands away.

“Ah, so smart!”, Seokjin laughed, “Who was who?”

Both of them looked at me filled with curiosity.

“I think that you”, I pointed at Yoongi and Seokjin, “are Suga and Jin, and that him and him”, I pointed at Jeongguk and Jimin,” Are Cocky and Chimmy respectively”

I looked at the rest of the boys quickly. Out of the seven, I properly had interacted with all but Hoseok and knew little to nothing about Taehyung, Jimin, Yoongi and Namjoon

“You’re right!”, Seokjin laughed along with Yoongi, “Who else?”

”Ahhh, Hoseok he’s hope? And that Taehyung is V? And so that leaves Namjoon as RM...”, I trailed as a girl with a name tag that read ‘Heejin’ served my food.

”Ah, thank you! Miss... Heejin!” I thanked her brightly, or as brightly as I could.

“Hey, princess, look at us....” Yoongi pouted at me.

Blushing even more, I nod quietly, not wanting to anger any of them.

”You haven’t taken your medicine, have you?” Seokjin asked, causing Taehyung to look up from his conversation with Jimin.

”Yeah, she hasn’t taken it yet!”, Taehyung exclaimed.

”But she’s behaving so well!” Hoseok gushed.

”Yeah, but we don’t want that to changes do we?” Namjoon laughed as he took a little flask from his suit.

They passed it down until it reached Seokjin, who took the baby blue flask and looked me in the eye.

”Princess, how do you want to take it? From the bottle or with your juice?” He asked me.

”I-I don’t know-“ I stuttered as I blushed from the attention, was I child to them? Was this a game? I was a year from being a legal adult!

And how could I be so fucking weak?

”She doesn’t know, our baby doesn’t know!” Jimin awed as he sighed into his chair.

”So cute!” Taehyung agreed with his older friend.

”For fucks sake, I love her...” Jeongguk mutters with wide eyes.

What the hell is wrong with them?

”Want to take it from the bottle for us?” Namjoon asked as he fiddled with his tie, a pink blush taking over his cheeks.

”I-I guess?” I answered confused.

I took the bottle out of Seokjin’s hand a quickly chugged it down.

Tastes like the alcohol we’d sneak out of Jeongguk’s dad’s alcohol stash.

”Princess took it so well!” Taehyung clapped.

”Yes she did!” Jimin cheered as he leaned against his palm creepily.

As the other boys began talking with each other again and their attention drifted off of me I waited until only Seokjin and Yoongi were still quiet.

”Hey, what is it that you made me drink?” I asked Seokjin, I picked at his ring hoping to catch his attention.

”Ahh, just a little something to make you behave properly.” Seokjin assured me, he took my hand and kissed before setting it down next to the plate

”How?” I pressed him slightly.

”This makes you behave better, it makes you more well behaved for us, it’ll help you learn how to behave.” Seokjin tried to clear it out for me.

“Bu-“

”Look, darling, you’re done! You ate so well! Hmm, how about you leave with me now!” Jimin suddenly spoke up.

”Wh-” I had barely eaten, I hadn’t even touched the soup and I was starving.

”It’s my day today and tomorrow! Then again, I don’t remember anymore but dates aren’t important. So, let’s go!” Jimin pressed on as he helped me stand up and began dragging me out of the room against the judgment of the other boys. He quickly ran out and picked me up, now I truly couldn’t leave. I was getting tired and giddy by the minute.

“Let’s change clothes together!” Jimin suggested as he ran with me into the house.

———☽

Jimin took changing together quite literally. He brought his clothes to the closet, but instead of using my brain I let him.

The weird liquid they constantly fed me seemed to take effect quickly as I began giggling at every action Jimin did.

By the time we were done changing, we were both wearing matching outfits consisting of orange and navy blues striped oversized sweaters and light blue shorts, with white sneakers and socks.

”You look so cute!” Jimin squealed as he hugged me tight.

”Ha! Thanks Jiminie!” I laughed.

”Where do you want to go?” Jimin asked me as he took my hand and led me outside the other side of the house.

“I don’t know... let’s see a movie!” I suggested, not remembering that we were in the middle of an island the possibility of actually there being a cinema were scarce.

”Yeah, let’s go! In the village there is a movie place-“

”How?” I asked him as he took me down a path as we seemed to be walking down a hill.

”Jin’s family built a village here for their special workers, originally that is, so they could come over to have vacations and not risk having anything happen to them, they still sometimes come but not as often as a bunch of those special workers got ‘scared off by the bad vibes’ over here, as if....”

”So it’s haunted?”

”Nah, it was us trying to get them to leave so we could get this island for you! It was around the time you left, so we had a ton of time to make this place special!” Jimin recalled.

”Ahh, but how did you know I’d come back?” My eyes were dropping slightly, I was beginning to feel number and number.

”You’re very special to us, darling, there is no way in hell we’d let you leave us.” Jimin spoke seriously.

”Really?” I asked him in slight shock.

”Mhm, I mean, at least I do. I dunno about the others but I’m pretty sure I love you!” He spoke softly as we arrived at a town-ish little place.

There were a few people, people that looked very important and rich walking around. People that didn’t seem to like us, why?

”Let’s go, it’s over there!”, Jimin seemed to read my mind when he pulled me toward the cinema, “Let’s watch your favorite one!”

What Jimin had led me wasn’t exactly what you would’ve imagined. But it certainly was a cinema, black background and red velvet, cushioned seats. It was extremely modern in comparison to what I had childishly imagined.

As the movie played on, I couldn’t concentrate on it. Maybe it was because I had seen it over ten times or maybe it was because of Jimin sitting on my lap and cuddling me. No, it was because the drug was warring off, maybe they underestimated my tolerance to the drug. The more minutes passed the more conscious I was about the whole ordeal that had happened in the last forty hours. The death of my whole family, the death of my friends and their families, my kidnapping; everything.

Suddenly I began hearing the soft snores Jimin made while he slept. I looked down at him. One of my tormentors. One of the reasons everything I loved was gone. The more I looked at him, the more I wanted him dead. Frustration that had been built since I moved back into that god damned town was falling over me.

I was crying, I realized when a few tears had fallen into Jimin’s face. I watched as he moved a bit in his sleep as he smiled, muttering my name sometimes or even laughing.

Bastard.

In that moment I realized that if someone didn’t enter that cinema in the next few minutes I would murder that man. I would choke him to death. Scream at him how much I hated him.

It seems someone heard me as two males, followed by two females, came into the cinema.

“[Name]! Are you crying? Are you okay?” I heard Jeongguk exclaim as he ran towards me.

He growled at Jimin as he woke up from his nap in my lap.

”Wh-“

”Why is [Name] crying, Jimin?” Taehyung asked him seriously.

”Wh-“ I pushed Jimin off me, cutting him before he could even start.

I brushed my clothes off, in hopes of brushing him off me too.

“Because I fucking hate you lot, that’s why. What is wrong with you? You keep drugging me all the damn time and expect me to be cool with it? You fucking ruin my life in a few hours and think I’m going to be all lovey-dovey with you? You little fuckers, you all ruined my life!”

I straightened my posture and walked out of the building. I ignored as Jimin and Jeongguk broke down crying, I ignored Taehyung as he screamed at me to come back.

”What? Ha, as if I cared!” Taehyung shouted at me before he quickly realized what he had said, “Dammit!” He cried again.

”Bunny, come back!”, Jeongguk cried softly as he tried chasing me slowly.

”Fuck off.” I responded tired, “You really think that some random ass drug is going to make me be okay with you lot taking me for hostage or some shit?”

We walked out of the cinema.

”It’s not like that!” Jeongguk exclaimed, he was getting more and more frustrated as I spoke. “They love you, we love you! I love you dammit!”

”Love? You sickos call this bullshit love? You need medical help, Jeongguk. Cut it with your bullshit, are you really that desperate that you’re gonna up front kidnap me? And on top of that fuckery, you expect me to be in love with you? Like hell I will! I despise you, Jeongguk, I have despised you since I came back home. You were nothing but the biggest dick ever to me and then you pull up this bullshit? ‘I love you’ you say, bull-fucking-shit I say.” Pushing him as I walk towards the house, I look back at him. “You are so full of yourself it’s disgusting.”

Looking at me in shock, Jeongguk then straightened himself up and began making his way faster towards me. I couldn’t see his eyes as he walked with his head bowed down, yet I didn’t want to see his eyes.

”Look, bunny, I wanted to behave. I really fucking did, but this behavior of yours it’s not up to my standards,” he gripped my wrist suddenly, “and I call bullshit to it. You see, bunny, I behaved like a good little bunny boy because you liked me like that didn’t you? You wanted me to be your Jeongguk, and so I did because that way you’d be mine, right?  But it seems like you think you’re in control, that you don’t belong to me, and let me tell you sweetheart, I don’t like it when people take control. You promised me we would get married, you promised me you’d love me, that we’d be together forever, all if I was your little good bunny. And I did. But you, you didn’t keep your part of the promise, you weren’t a good owner. No, no, you went out there and caught others hearts and then moved out of town, you left your bunny alone with these impostors. I didn’t like it, I did not like it at all, and I’m making sure no one takes my owner away now, even if I have to make you my bunny.”

”What?” I asked in a whisper, yet he ignored me and continued on rambling.

”I’ll put a pretty little collar on your neck if you even think of running away, but you won’t, right bunny? You’ll be here with me, and you’ll help me kill them off. All of them.” He laughed as he began leading me inside the house, to his room.

“Ki-kill them?”

”Yeah, they’ve made your life a hell, Hoseok killed Mark, Namjoon spread rumors of you, Seokjin has poisoned you before, Jimin broke into your house a bunch of time with Tae, Tae stalked you and taken suggestive pictures of you and Yoongi, he started the fire.” He smiled evilly as he caresses my cheeks.

”B-but...”

”See bunny? You can’t trust anyone here, not even me, but unlike them I’m willing to do anything, within reason, to redeem myself to you, but no letting you leave, sadly.” Jeongguk then began kissing my hand and talking, “So, will you let me be your bunny? I’ll do anything you ask of me, I’ll be your servant. I promise you that you won’t regret it, just let me be your bunny again.” He pouted as he looked up and left one last kiss on me knuckles.

He then threw me on the bed and rested himself on my chest as he looked up.

”I’ll do anything for you, kill, cook, torture, plant flowers, anything, you can tell me what to dress, how to act, how you want my hair. I’ll be your doll, bunny, just say yes. I’ll protect you from them.”

Blushing, my mind began to race as my blood began pumping faster. My mind became hazy as I spoke words that I didn’t know if I regretted.

“O-okay, I-I mean, yes?”

Suddenly it was his turn to become excited, as adrenaline seemed to pump through his veins, his eyes got wider as he caged me in his arms.

”Really? Oh my- finally! God, I love you, I love you, I love you!” He cried as he cupped my face in his hands, tears began to stream violently down his face, ”I’ll be the best bunny!” He laughed as he kissed me in the lips, it wasn’t like he left me much choice.

You never truly learn how to stop making mistakes, do you?

________________ღ

When: Back then.

Why: Because she didn’t want to.

Where: Home?

—————— b e t r a y a l ————————

Blood. Everywhere. The room was drenched in the red liquid, the smell of iron attached itself in every surface the liquid was attached to, the sticky substance was dripping from its source to the floor and the surrounding areas. Patterns of blood everywhere, ceilings, walls, floor.

Mutilated. The corpses let out their rotting smell, it seemed to reach every corner and stay there, the smell didn’t fade, even if they had been laying there for years and years.

Standing in the middle was the son of a loving family, as he breathed heavily, as he stared at someone he never thought he’d hurt.

“Why? What did that poor woman do to you?” She asked him while tears pooled in her eyes, his eyes.

”Mom, you don’t understand!” He shouted at her, of course she didn’t; she didn’t know [Name] like he did.

”No I do not, you- look what you did! All for this girl who doesn’t even know you! I should call the police, Taehyung, what you’re doing isn’t normal! You’re going to hurt her aren’t you?” She yelled at him.

“Hurt her? We are talking about [Name] you know!” He yelled back.

He yelled at his mother.

”Yes I do, and I also know that this isn’t okay! Taehyung, do you think this is okay? Killing people?”

”Scumbags.” He muttered as his chest rose up and down at a dangerous pace.

”What did you say?” She asked, this boy, no this man wasn’t her son.This thing wasn’t human.

“They were scumbags, they weren’t people! They contaminated her, mom, they tried to dirty her! Why don’t you understand? I love her and she loves me back! I’ve seen it, I’ve fucking seen it!” He shouted at her as he took slow steps towards her.

”Wait until your father hears about this, I might not call the police but he sure will, he will not tolerate this!” The mother shouted at her son, her husband was a good man, he’d teach their son.

”Dad? He’s been gone for almost a year! What? Don’t tell me you thought he was gonna return now?” He asked her as he laughed, tears falling from his cheeks.

”Y-yes, he will and he will not tolerate this behavior of yours!” She tried to stand her ground against her own blood. This thing was not her son.

”He was with another woman, mother, he came back months ago, do you want to hear what happened with dad and her?”

He began laughing louder as he saw the look in his mother’s eyes.

”The secretary, mom, it was her; Heejae. You weren’t home when they arrived, I was though, I was here all along and I heard it all, do you want to hear it, momma? Hear how father cheated on you with that slut?” He walked to a small computer in the back of the room, he passed through corpses as if they were nothing.

The mother followed the son, almost like a robot, as he pressed play on a video. A video showcasing the most intimate act between two people; between her husband and his secretary.

“It was upstairs, momma, until they saw your car, they ran down here, my mistake was I didn’t lock the door, so they saw it all. He acted just like you said he would, but their phones were on their pants, they always are, but the problem is they didn’t have theirs on. And guess what I did Momma?” He looked as the tears streamed down her face as she looked at him.

”What did you do, Taehyung?”

”I killed them. Now tell me, mom, do you think that my relationship with [Name] is a bad one?” He asked as his mother threw herself at him as she cried.

”I-I-“

”It’s not, is it? What I’m doing is preventing her from doing things like this, now tell me, mom, am I bad?”

”N-no?” She croaked, her own sanity was falling down like sand castle, a human being can only take so much at a time before they fall into insanity. This boy was her son.

“See mom? Now, I don’t want you to end up like dad, so, will you help me keep my [Name] save?”

The son asked his mother for help. And just like any good mother, she accepted it.

“Thank you, momma, I promise you your daughter in law will be better than this dumbass of a father.”

———— m o m m a ————

And just like that the son’s mother set out to help him and his friends with all of their deeds. Of course, she didn’t cheer for all seven kids, that at this point she considered her own, she always hoped that her son would win the girl’s heart.

“Taehyungie, make sure you dress nicely today, you have biology with her, don’t you?” She reminded him every Wednesday and Thursday.

”Oh, yeah! Thank you, momma!” He’d always let her help him get dressed and fix his hair for her.

And just like that, a bond that should have broken only strengthened itself.

———— m o m m a ————

One day, the son burst out crying as he came in the house he and his mother lived in.

The woman didn’t work, as her husband had left them a great deed of money and her friend Miss Kim helped her, she was also in their sons secrets.

”Taehyung! Oh god, what happened?” She cried, the last time he had reacted this way was when his lover had left him to go elsewhere, since then all his friends and the families that knew had been trying to locate her and bring her back to them.

”Momma, Jin said- he said that baby bear was going to come back next week! She’s coming back, Momma!” He cried harder as he hugged his mother.

“She is?” She exclaimed she was ecstatic, finally her son was going to be happy again.

”Yes! I-I gotta make myself handsome for her shouldn’t I? Ohh, it’s been so long, what if she’s changed her taste? What if she doesn’t hang out Jeongguk anymore? What if she- she had a boyfriend?” He muttered the last part darkly to himself.

The mother chuckled to herself as she hugged her son, he looked older but he still acted like a little kid. This boy was her son.

”Don’t worry, Taehyungie, she won’t have a boyfriend, she isn’t like your bastard of a father, she wouldn’t cheat on you, and if she does, has that ever stopped you? You’re the best looking boy in your school, baby, she’ll realize her mistake in an instant! Then you’ll take her to the island and be happy there forever!” She hugged her son closely as he cried out his love’s name.

”Come on, tomorrow you won’t go to school, you know what? You won’t go to school at all this week, we’re gonna get you ready for [Name], how does that sound?” She decided as she looked down her son who was snuggled into her chest.

”N-nice.” He stuttered as he smiled softly.

That week, the son and mother spent a ridiculous amount of money to make the already handsome boy look even better. This woman was his mom.

———— m o m m a ————

And so it went, the boy updated his mother on his delusional relationship and the mother believed it and loved the thought of her boy with such an amazing woman as [Name].

Until the one day.

“Momma! Jeongguk said that [Name] is gonna hang out with him and Namjoon and that she might hang out with us too soon!” The boy ran to his mother shouting in joy.

The news caused her to jump in joy with her son.

”Oh! Baby, that’s amazing!” She hugged him as she smiled up at him.

”It is, isn’t it?” He laughed.

”Of course! Oh, by the way, the boy that tried to flirt with [Name] last week is in the basement, he’s sedated, so you can do whatever you want with him after you do your homework and remember that dinner is at seven!” She laughed as her son nodded happily and skipped up the stairs in joy. These two things are human.

——— m o m m a ———

“Momma, Momma! You won’t believe what happened!” He shouted as he sat down at the table with his mom and younger sister.

They weren’t siblings by blood, him and his mother decided to adopt her one day due to the similarities she had to his lover. The day they adopted the girl, they swore to protect her from harm. The son ended up as a father figure to the young girl and the mother watched almost as a grandmother. He liked to believe that she was his daughter with his lover.

“Huh? What happened, Hyungie?” The younger sister asked.

”Ahh, Jieun, we made a friend with the boys, her name is Sooyeong and she will help to bring my wife, [Name], to us!” The son smiled at the five year old.

”Really?” She asked happily.

”Oh, wasn’t she a friend of [Name]’s?” The mother asked, “Won’t she snitch?”

”Nah, she even killed her family! She’ll also kill [Name]’s friends so that she’ll only have us!” The son smiled proudly.

”Amazing!” Mother looked at both her children.

”See Jieun, you gotta protect [Name] just like Taehyung-ie when we leave to the island, okay?”

”Yes, momma.”

”So what will you do, Jieunie?”

”If [Name] does anything suspicious with one of the boys other than Hyungie I’ll tell Hyungie and momma about it so that they can purify her, then I’ll take her to drink tea and make her sad so she doesn’t do it again!” The girl recited by heart as she smiled, the two other people clapped and congratulated her.

”Yes!” Her brother smiled.

“Aren’t you an amazing little girl?”

——— m o m m a ———

“Momma?” She heard her son’s voice from the phone, she held her daughter tightly.

”Yes?”

”Are you on the plane with Jieun?” He asked worriedly, he needs his mom to be there with him.

”Yes, is [Name] with you?” She asked as the plane began preparing to take off.

”Yes, she’s sound asleep now. It’s so weird, it really is happening, momma. Ah, we’re landing soon, I’ll call you when we’re home, love you momma! Tell Jieun that she’ll meet my wife soon!” He made a kissing sound before cutting off the phone call.

”Momma, is it normal to do what we’re doing? Taking a girl to a place far away without her family, what if she gets lonely?” The daughter asked.

”It’s normal, Jieunie, we’re protecting her from those beasts that will make her cheat on Taehyung, not that she would, but it’s best to be sure. Plus, we’re gonna be her new family, so she isn’t going to be lonely.” Mother smiled at the girl as she curled into her chest.

”Are you sure, momma?”

”Momma always knows best, baby.”

______________ღ

——— m o n e y , m o n e y ———

“Hey, Seokjin, how was summer camp?” Seokjin’s older brother asked him excitedly, he hadn’t been able to go due to his parents forcing him to stay home and study but he was alright with it, he knew it was for his and his brother’s future.

”Ahh, Seokjung, it was something.” Seokjin commented tiredly, he was exhausted by how idiotic the kids in that camp were.

”Really? Huh, but what’s something, Jin? It can’t be nothing.” Seokjung pouted as he sat down on the couch next to Jin, couldn’t Seokjin see how lucky he was?

”Ah, it was okay, I guess, I was the second oldest though, so they put me in charge of my cabin, so I had to work with this girl, I think her name was Joohyun?” Seokjin told his brother.

”Ahh, Joohyun? Like Bae Joohyun?” He asked, now this was important, Seokjung smiled.

”Yeah, I think, why?” Jin mused, now this was interesting, was this the girl his brother had a crush on? No, it couldn’t Joohyun was fifteen, the same age as Jin, and Seokjung had said she was younger than him. Seokjung being only fourteen years old.

”Ah, was [Last Name] [Full Name] there?” Seokjung asked blushing.

”I think so?” Seokjin answered amused.

”W-well, you see, she’s the girl I have a crush on.” Seokjin confessed blushing red.

”Really? She’s like twelve dude, what? That’s creepy dude, what the hell?” Seokjin snorted, Seokjung pushed Seokjin laughing embarrassed.

”H-hey! I know, and that’s why I’m not going to act on my feelings okay? Anyway, she’s cute and all but she’s in what, fifth grade and I’m in eighth and the fact that she’s friends with Jeongguk, Jeon Junghyung’s little brother, isn’t going to help much.” Seokjung laughed.

”Wow, tragic, anyway, where’s mom and dad?” Seokjin laughed.

”Oh, yeah, they went out to dinner with this weird ass old man, dunno why, probably business.” Seokjung casually mentioned, “Anyway, Jin are you going to go to camp next year?”

”Hmm, do you want to?” Jin asked.

”Huh? Do I want to go? Hell yes I do, it seems fun as hell!”

“Then I’ll go, Jung, don’t worry, I’ll have fun for you.” Jin smiled.

If Seokjin could have something his brother didn’t and wanted, he was going to have it no matter what.

————— m u s t  b e  f u n n y ————

Fuck Seokjung, fuck mom and dad, fuck that damned company, fuck it all.

Seokjin, grumbled as he threw himself into his bed, why did Seokjung have everything?

“He inherited the company, the smarts, the good looks, every-fucking-thing, he has a crush, he is a crush, the money, the girls, he gets it all, he’s fucking younger than me by two fucking years and what did I get? Summer camp, summer fucking camp.” Seokjin whispered harshly.

He turned around in his bed and looked at the window.

”I could steal his crush.” Seokjin told himself matter of factly.

It was true, he got confessed everyday by some girl, even if he didn’t try so maybe if he tried he could steal [Name] from Seokjung.

”Yeah, that isn’t too hard, is it?” Seokjin mused. “But, what does [Name] like?”

Who was [Name] in the first place, was she mature? What did she like? Was what he was doing perhaps too petty? No, it was a dose of Seokjung’s own medicine.

That night, Seokjin spent it all looking around his brothers room while the latter slept. He found both something horrifying and absolutely amazing.

”He fucking stalks her.” He mused.

And like that he spent countless nights throughout the rest of the summer, rummaging through his brothers stuff, and during the day he’d stalk her to gather all he could to win her over. So someone would choose him over his brother.

———— i n  a  r i c h  m a n ‘ s ———

“Seokjin, oh god!” His mother cried in the couch, she bawled her eyes out in her own hands. Her son, her favorite son, had died.

”Your brother, Jin, he killed himself.” His father finished as he also cried, Seokjin knew that if it had been him they’d only shed a few tears, but with Seokjung? They’d cry a river for that bastard.

He knew.

”What?” Seokjin asked with, fake, sadness.

”Yes, we don’t know why, b-but me and your mother needs a break so we’ll be going on vacation for awhile, at that island we bought a while ago, anyway this isn’t what we need to tell you is that- you’ll be taking over the company.” His father smiled through tears. “Make us proud son.”

That was what his parents told him before they sent him to summer camp again, yet he didn’t want to go. Nothing else was said between him and his parents not that he cared, he had something more important at hand. He didn’t cry, why would he? He had killed Seokjung anyway, with the help of his friends that is.

His princess wasn't there anymore.

———— w o r l d ———

“I-I like you and I know I’m three years older than you, [Name], but you’re very nice and next year I’m leaving so I won’t be here anymore, really and I heard you’d move soon in like a month or more and I was like, wondering if you’d like to go out, not like a date, that’s like, weird but-“ Seokjung confessed to the blushing fourteen year old.

”Ah, you’re , but I like you anyway!” She smiled, she was not expecting that nor was he.

”You do?” He asked in shock.

”Yeah! And, yes I know I’m fourteen and that this is weird and all, you’re like what seventeen, but let’s give it a go while you’re illegal, ‘kay? After you turn eighteen it’s all gone! And if it doesn’t work you can forget me and if it does you can, like, totally wait!” She fingered gunned the boy as he laughed.

”O-okay?” He asked laughing harder at her antics.

”Totally tubular!” She joked as she grabbed his hand and interlocked their fingers and pulled him to an ice cream shop as they both chatted happily.

They were too happy to notice the group of four males glaring their way.

”Your brother confessed to her,” Namjoon gaped at the scene, he couldn’t believe what he had just seen.

”And she accepted him!” Hoseok cried, tears streamed down his face.

”And she’s leaving, leaving while dating your idiot brother?” Yoongi growled. “That’s fucking illegal!”

”He’s still underage though...” Seokjin commented numbly. He had finally realized after two years of stalking her, he had realized he had fallen in love with her too. But it was too late, and the fates hated him, and his princess was about to leave the kingdom without him. And she was now with that pig of a brother.

”Kill him.” Seokjin said suddenly as they stood up, he didn’t even think twice before saying it.

”What?” Hoseok asked scared, kill someone? Him? No way, he couldn’t even kill an ant!

”Kill him, let’s kill my brother.” Seokjin laughed.

”What the fuck, dude? You okay?” Yoongi asked worried, that wasn’t like Seokjin at all.

”Hell yes, I’m so okay that my brother stole the love of my fucking life!” He answered sarcastically, as he glared at the ice cream shop.

“Hey, guys, you said you’d do anything for [Name], right?” Namjoon asked suddenly.

”What are you talking about now?” Hoseok asked even more scared, if that was even possible.

”I say, we do it, murder Seokjung, he’s in the way.” Seokjin repeated.

”Me too.” Namjoon agreed.

”Okay, fine, it’s for [Name], right?” Yoongi asked, it didn’t take much convincing for him anyway. It’s not like he hadn’t considered murder before, he just never had the resources to actually do it.

”Yeah.” Seokjin answered him, obviously, who else would it be for.

”Hoseok?” Namjoon asked.

”F-fine, but let’s not get caught, ‘kay?”

“That’s the fucking plan you idiot.” Yoongi laughed.

”Anyway, how do we do it?” Seokjin asked seriously, not an ounce of hesitation or doubt laid in his voice.

”Fake a suicide?” Namjoon suggested, he couldn’t believe they were actually going to do this.

”Hmm, yeah, whatever. Should we call the younger kids though?” Yoongi asked as they walked the basically dead streets.

”Nah, they’ll probably snitch, plus Jeongguk isn’t in the best place with [Name] leaving and all that shit, he’ll need Jimin and Tae.”

”Yeah, so how do we do it? The fake suicide? What’s the story behind it, do we forge a letter?”

”We can make him choke in the new car dad gave him, we can lock him in the garage and turn the engine on, no one can survive that, he won’t be able to breath in a few minutes but just in case, we can leave him there for an hour or so.” Seokjin told them his plan.

And they all agreed.

And that’s how they killed their first victim. But it was too late, [Name] had already left town, without knowledge of what happened to Seokjung until years later, yet by that time she had bigger problems than that.

——— m o n e y  , m o n e y———

“Seokjin, aren’t you happy?” His driver asked him, he probably had no idea his brother died or that he really didn’t want to leave his home, he wanted to work, he needed to work.

”Not really.” Seokjin sighed as he leaned against the glass.

”Why is that?”

“Because the girl I love left.” Seokjin told him dramatically, he was the only adult he felt comfortable enough joking with.

”Ahh, how special is that girl?” The old man laughed, his voice was filled with joy and curiosity.

”Special enough I’d kill for her.” Seokjin smirked behind the old man’s back.

———— w a s  r e a l l y  f u n n y ———

If Seokjung had it, Seokjin needed it. That’s how you fell in the devil's hands. By mere bad luck and a one sided rivalry, quite a drama, right? At the beginning, he only wanted you for the sake of having something his brother wanted. But slowly, it became more about himself, and his needs. He needed you now, not his brother, not the company, you. And not even that overachieving idiot was going to keep you two apart.

Luckily for Seokjin, it seems like you didn’t remember either him or his brother. He now was the only heir of the Kim company in your mind and memory. He now had something his brother didn’t. He has you.

That doesn’t mean he doesn’t regret killing his brother, he would’ve enjoyed seeing his face as he won you over.

But one can’t have it all, can they?

———— i n  a  d e a d  m a n ‘s  w o r l d —

————         

@nojamsnoham @camiliasmencles @yandere-hobi @spaceunicorn293  @prinnytaylor @mo-la @ggukkimari @ilovesomuchstuff @strawberry-leche

————

[gyeomork]

Connections

(jackson wang x reader) 

genre: fluff, light smut, college au

warnings: sexual content, mild cursing

word count: 3.8k

a/n: i don’t capitalize my letters in this so if that bothers you, i’m sorry :( also italicized words mean they’re speaking english. also i lol don’t know what im talking about with all that “reading people” shit i just took a wyld guess but i hope you enjoy anyway ^3^

i enter my first class of the year, psychology 3. i take a seat, not really paying attention to who i sat next to. i take my laptop out of my backpack, place it on the table, flip it open and get ready to take notes. it was a new school year and i was not about to slack anymore. sophomore year was a complete shit show and i could not afford that this year, literally. i was skipping class like it was an olympic sport but guess what? tuition still had to be paid. i open up google docs and title the new document ‘19/8/19 notes, assignments & hw ’. the professor begins to speak and my full attention is now on her.

an hour passes and the class was wrapping up. “ok class the homework is for you all to make a powerpoint presentation on the person sitting next to you. you must analyze them as a person, describe their character traits and so on and so forth. think of it as an ice breaker activity and a way to make a new friend. more instructions will be posted online. i count 24 of you so i expect 24 emails on friday 23/8/19. presentations will be the following monday, if there are any questions feel free to email me. class dismissed.” i close my laptop and reach for my bag when i hear a deep familiar voice next to me say “hey! how’s it going?” i look to my right and see jackson, jackson wang. god not again. this man was handsome to say the very very least and a heart throb. i should know because i had him in psych 2 last year. we would almost always end up having to do a project together and almost always turn it in 2 minutes before it was due. it’s not like we were the best of friends and every time we met up we didn’t do work, it was just that we never really did meet up. every time he would text and ask i would be too scared to be in the same place as him because of how intimidated he made me feel. when we did meet up it was the night before so i absolutely had to go, for the sake of his grade. we wouldn’t talk much but when we did he was, for the most part, really nice. “hi.. jackson. it’s going.. good” i say quietly. “oh, that’s good. well if you’re free right now we could go get coffee to jumpstart this little project” god he had the cutest smile on his face. “oh yeah sure just let me get packed up” i said trying to avoid his gaze like the black plague.

after to fumbling with my belongings under the immense pressure his eyes were putting me under, we were finally able to leave. on the walk to the cafe, jackson sparks up conversation. “so, y/n, last year we never really talked much and i was a little let down because you actually seemed really cool. so i’m glad i get to do this project with you. i wanna get to know you” he looks over to me and grins widely. i return a small smile back. “where are you from?” he asked sounding genuinely curious. “the states” i mentally curse at myself for giving such a short, dry answer but he hums anyway. “i’m from china but i came here for a change, you know” “yup” i curse at myself again. a small silence passes, extra emphasis on small. “since you’re from the states do you-“ “speak english? yes” we both chuckle and god he was adorable. “oh cool so we could have our own semi-secret language” i give him a ‘you’re ridiculous’ look and we chuckle again. “so did you teach yourself english or did you go to an international school?” finally! i’m making semi-decent conversation. “international but i did do some studying on my own. so what about you? how did you learn hangul?” “ i loved watching and still do love watching dramas so one day i just got really annoyed with having to read the subtitles and just started teaching myself. i never really expected myself to get proficient at it, it just happened. then i thought i should put some use to it more than just dramas so i came here” wow the way i just rambled on just then. “ so how do you like it here?” he continues with the questions. “at first it was kind of hard to get used to because i went from using english every day and using hangul sometimes to using hangul every day and english sometimes” jackson nods in understanding. “ and then there are slang words that you need to learn and sayings and really understand the culture” he adds on. “ yes! exactly” regret of being so intimidated of him last year now fills me. he’s so easy to talk to. ugh am i stupid?

we reach the cafe and he opens the door for me “let me get that for you” “kam-sa-hap-nee-da!” i said in the most american accent i could do and he lets out an actual laugh that ascends me to the heavens. we both join the medium sized line. “you can just tell me what you want so you can go have a seat and i’ll bring it to you” this man is an angel. “iced americano, venti sized please and thank you” i say with a close-mouthed smile. “coming right up” he reciprocates the same smile. i make my way to a small booth in the corner by the window. i take out a small notepad and jot down things i’ve noticed about jackson. eventually, i get lost in thinking about how sweet he is and how easy he is to talk to and how his laugh is opposite of his deep voice and how his smile makes him look like a baby and then how he turns all hot again and oh my god i have a crush on jackson. like a cue, jackson comes and sets his and my coffee down and takes a seat across from me “thank you so much” “no problem” we both take a sip in unison. “analyzing me already?” he asks grabbing my notepad. all i had written was ‘really good energy’. really y/n? what the hell is that supposed to mean? he makes a ‘not bad’ face and sets my notepad back in front of me. i keep sipping and look out the window. “ok, ok” i could see him trying to hold in a snicker in the corner of my eye. i whip my neck to look and him and ask swiftly “what? why ‘ok ok’? what?”. “hm? nothing” he replies, still trying to hold in that laugh. “wah~ making fun of me already. at least i have something written down” he raises his eyebrows at me. “i have plenty of stuff written down in my head” “oh really?” i say in disbelief. “yes!” “ok. then prove it” i sit back and cross my arms. “just in the last 10 minutes, the things i’ve noticed ok. ready?” i just nod. “shy; when you laughed or smiled you didn’t show teeth. closed off; you chose the booth furthest away from other people. passive; you did nothing when i snatched your notepad. trusting; you trusted me with your drink and that i didn’t do anything to it. physical traits; well put together, pretty-“ i felt my face heat up and i had to stop him. “alright, alright you proved your point.” i waved him off and he laughs. “you asked for it” he says, laughter still in his voice. “i asked for you to prove yourself not show off” i say fake sulkily and extra pouty. he laughs even louder and makes a few heads turn. “ok jackson! people are looking.” i whisper shout and smile at him fully this time. “oh! you’re smiling” he points “you’re not shy around me anymore!” “ok you have to teach me how to read people like that” i rest my hand on my chin and my elbow on the table. “well, for starters, we could go back to the ‘getting to know you’ questions. so, when’s your birthday?”

after hours of talking, we had to leave simply because the cafe was closing. jackson looks at his watch and widens his eyes. “it’s 22:58 (10:58 pm). oh my god. do you have class tomorrow? i’m so sorry for keeping you out so late, i’ll walk you home. where do you live? oh my god i’m really so sorry” he apologized profusely. “no” i say flatly. “n-no?” he furrowed his eyebrows. “i don’t have class tomorrow it’s fine” i let out breathy laugh. “do you?” i raise my brows at him. “no” he sighs out in relief. “alright come on. let me walk you home” i barely take two steps when i stop and drop my head into my hands. “my.. RA. it’s past curfew. i’m dead” i say defeated. “oh my friend i can stay with- she has class tomorrow and she’s probably sleeping” i say gaining hope and losing it instantly. “i guess i’ll just take the warning, it’s only one” i start dragging my feet i the direction of my dorm. “you could.. stay the night with me. my RA isn’t as strict with the rules”. was that nervousness i heard in his voice? jackson? the same jackson that told me stories of him being bold and fearless? jackson? wang? never. “i don’t want to be a burden-“ i wave him off. “ you won’t be” he insists. i look into his eyes and really sink deep into those two chocolate pools. all that is visible is purity and good intentions; i trust him. “ok” i smile. “thank you” “no problem”

we get to his dorm and as he is unlocking the door he informs me that his 3 other roommates won’t be there until late that night so we’re safe from the teasing. he opens the door and lets me in first. it’s dark until jackson comes in and turns on the kitchen light. he sits around the island and i join him. i take this time to look around. right across from the kitchen was the living room that was in good shape for 3 boys, diagonal of the living room was the laundry room that was neat too, there was a walkway from the front door in between the laundry room and the kitchen leading to the living room, and one long hallway/walkway passing in between the living room and the kitchen continuing both ways to god knows where. there was also a sliding door in the living room leading to the balcony. “you must be hungry. do you want me to cook or is takeout ok?” come to think of it i haven’t eaten since lunch.  i was so absorbed in jackson that i didn’t even realize how hungry i am. “yeah, takeout is fine” “is pizza ok?” he says pulling out his phone. “oh pizza is more than ok” i say, starting to get excited “ok miss pizza what would you like on it?” “pepperoni please~” “alright.. and the pizza is on it’s way” he hops off the chair with ‘hmph’. he walks over to me and holds his hand out to help me down. “thank you” i take his hand and get off the chair. “come on i’ll give you everything you need”. he leads me to his room at the end of the short hallway without letting go of my hand. he turns on fairy lights that aren’t too bright but are enough to make everything visible. he turns to the left to his walk-in closet to retrieve me a hoodie and some sweatpants. he tells me that when i go in the bathroom there should be an extra toothbrush behind the mirror. i say thank you for the 100th time today and go to sit on his bed to wait for him. “i can put something on if you want” he come and sits next to me on the bed. “mm..” i think about all the shows that i need to catch up on and finally choose one. “can you put on ‘he is psychometric’?” “ohh yes! what episode are you on?” he gets excited. “the last one and it’s so good, i just never have time to watch” “me either” he puts it on the tv and the pizza arrives. “that was quick” i say shocked because my pizza takes at least an hour to come. “yeah the place is right down the block; convenient” he comes back to the room with pizza and shuts the door.

we finish ‘he is psychometric’ and both of the pizzas. “i’m gonna go change” i take jackson’s clothes to the bathroom. i change into the comfy clothes that smells like him and brush my teeth. i pull my hair into a bun that i ruled ok for jackson to see and leave the bathroom. “oh you look good in my clothes but don’t go stealing it now” he says like he’s my father and gives me a stern look. i giggle and say “ok” sarcastically. he goes in the bathroom to change as well. i pull my notepad and pencil out my bag and sit in front of what seems to be his work desk. i write more analyzations and now have to flip the page thanks to jackson teaching me how to properly read people. i’m on a roll until jackson presses his hands on my shoulders and yells “boo!” “oh my god!” i jump and turn around in the swivel chair. “i’m sorry i had to” he laughs at me hysterically. “yah~ don’t do that! stop laughing!” i smack him on the shoulder repeatedly. “ok ok, yah!” he grabs hold of my wrists and is now inches away from my face; staring into my eyes. “i-i’m tired. where can i sleep?” i had to break the growing silence. jackson lets go and backs away “you can sleep on my bed, i’ll set up on the couch” he said walking towards the door. “no” i command, stopping him in his tracks. “ when the guys get home they’re going to ask why you’re on the couch and from the stories you’ve told me, you’re not a good liar” he turns back around but still doesn’t move. “you’re right” he says grinning. “well get on the bed so that when i turn off the lights you won’t trip and break your neck” “alright, no need to reference that traumatic story ok, that was a very scary experience” i say getting on the bed. “i’m just saying if you had a night light-“ “ok! jackson! good night!”

i was on the edge of sleep when i felt a heavy arm fall around my waist and a warm body touching all of my back side. steady breathing was blowing on the baby hairs on the back of my neck. he was sleeping. i suddenly started to feel uncomfortable in the position i was in and couldn’t take it anymore. while adjusting and re-adjusting my lower half, i inevitably brush up against jackson’s area. he didn’t respond so i assumed he just didn’t feel it so i continued on the quest to getting comfortable, all the while rubbing against him with my ass. suddenly jackson grips my hip. “you better stop playing with me” he growls lowly into my ear, ultimately ruining my new underwear i got from victoria secret on sale but i couldn’t possibly be mad at him. the ache in my core was way too strong to ignore so i reply as seductively as i could “who said i was playing?” while pushing up against him. he groans and i feel him grow beneath me. he attaches his lips to my neck and sucks and nips and licks away. he finds my spot at the base of my neck and i let out a low moan. when he feels as of though he’s left a satisfactory mark, he licks and kisses the spot. he turns me to face him and wastes no time in connecting his lips to mine. passion begins to fill the room as he climbs on top of me. the hands that are on my waist start travelling under his hoodie i had on. his warm hands on my bare skin was setting me on fire. one of his legs that was positioned between my legs started to rub against my core. i moan loudly into his mouth and he doesn’t miss his chance to stick his tongue in my mouth. i break the kiss to catch my breath and jackson moves back to my neck to leave more marks. i was lost in my own pleasure when i come to my senses. “jackson” i breathe out. he removes his lips from my neck for a brief moment “yes baby”. “what about the guys?” “fuck the guys” he tugs at the bottom of his hoodie and he looks up at me asking for permission. i nod and he removes the hoodie swiftly as he begins kissing his way down my body.

i wake up the next morning with the comforter covering more than half of my face so the sunlight seeping through the window didn’t bother me too much. i was initially startled about where i was but i soon remembered. then i remember the events of the night before. i turn around to see the beautiful man that shared the events of the night before with me. the light highlighting his features perfectly. from his fluffy, messy hair to his soft, plump lips. i move to brush away the hair that was in his face and move down to caress his cheek. how did this even happen? and how did it happen so quickly? i guess it’s the jackson effect. he flutters his eyes open and when he sees me, he immediately gives the softest smile. he pulls me closer in his arms and whispers “good morning princess”. i hum and say good morning back. “how’d you sleep?” he kisses my forehead. “really good” i take a deep breath, inhaling his intoxicating natural scent. we stay like that for a while until we realize that we have to leave before the guys wake up and tease us. or the extreme awkwardness considering the fact that we may or may not have gotten a noise complaint. jackson gives me fresh clothes to leave in and i freshen up, doing most but not all of my morning routine due to the shortage of time. i grab my bag and exit the room with him. we’re walking down the hallway when i forget my notepad on his work desk and go back for it. on the way back to him i hear voices coming from the living room, i stay out of sight to eavesdrop. “jackson i swear to god you should do my- no our homework for the next week” one voice says, putting emphasis on ‘our’. “i shut my door, turn my music on my speaker up all the way, and even covered my ears with 2 pillows but could still fucking hear you two. jackson i swear to god if you don’t warn us next time” another voice says and lets out a deep sigh. “you guys i’m sorry i really didn’t plan-“ another voice cuts him off . “no you’re not sorry, you’re gonna be sorry when your ass is doing my physics homework for the next week” “i don’t even know how to do physics” “well you better figure it out” i couldn’t hear anymore of this, i had to save him. i walk out into the living room “um.. g-good morning” i wave awkwardly. damn! this is exactly what i wanted to avoid. they all look up at me with wide eyes “good morning” they say all out of sync. jackson stands next to me and holds my hand “this is my girlfriend, y/n” my heart drops, comes back up, does some somersaults, and skips numerous beats. “y/n this is jinyoung, jaebeom, and mark”. i give a small closed-mouth smile. “well, this was fun but y/n and i have places to be” he looks down at me and smiles “let’s go” jackson starts walking to the door and drags me along. i look back and wave goodbye and so do they, still looking baffled. jackson locks the door and we start walking down the hallway. ”i could tell you were uncomfortable so i had to get you out of there” he says with a hint of urgency in his voice and i laugh. “thank you but were we really that loud?” i ask putting emphasis on ‘that’. “i don’t know but what i do know is that i’m that good” i roll my eyes at him “yeah ok”. “so ‘girlfriend’ huh?” he looks down and scratches the back of his neck. “y-yea” his ears turn red. “you haven’t even taken me out on a date yet.” i scoff in fake disbelief. “i was hoping that i could go on a date today and then i could confess to you but i guess i got a little ahead of myself” “you think?” we chuckled. “confession? how long did you like me?” “ever since i had to do that first project with you in psych 2. whenever i’d ask to meet up and you said you couldn’t it always made me think you didn’t like me. and when we did you were kind of standoffish so i gave up. until you sat next to me yesterday” he smiles thinking about it. “i’m sorry that i made you think that i was just so intimidated by you and your good looks and what not.” “good looks?” he raises his eyebrow at me. “take the compliment or i’ll take it back” “oh no thank you thank you”

we leave his dorm building to the parking lot and his car. “i changed up our schedule for today a little bit.” he unlocks the doors and we get in. “what did you change?” he starts the car so the hot air doesn’t literally suffocate us. “after we visit your dorm we have to go to the mall”. he takes my hand and intertwined our fingers. “the mall? why?” i look over at him and furrow my eyebrows. he looks at me and smirks “to get you back that cute little underwear i tore off you last night” brings my hand to his lips and kisses it.

[haila-wetyios]

Raiding

Since it became a pretty long post, Imma just throw this under a Read More. It’s not about current tumblr drama fashion. So no popcorn scene for you peeps. Just my experience as a whole and to finally let go of a few feelings that kept weighting on me for a good while until my current team took me in.

The first time I ever advertised on a PF that I was seeking a raid team, was during the final months of ARR. I was a complete scaredy cat, anxious of whether I'd be good enough to work on a team that required more coordination than pugs to get things such as extreme primals or savage raids done. Off I go as a SMN main, panicked as my raid leader of that team joined my party for a brief interview. Afterwards though, during our first joint team efforts for HW content (Ravanna and Bismark extreme at that time) I discovered that I wasn't as bad as I thought. On the contrary, I was too perceptive of everything to the point I would rush to do mechanics assigned to our newbie healer who after several explanations would still not do the thing. Despite my huge insecurities of probably not doing the relevant rotations down to the last skill, my ego started to rise a bit when parsers started to take more and more of conversations between static members. And although I would never ask about my numbers directly, I would celebrate in silence when reading the overall party dps the moment I realized mine had been at the top even with a ninja and a dragoon in the party. That should have been a flag to me now that I look back for being a caster that was doing more damage than the melee. But I didn't know any better, and stayed with my group regardless throughout the entirety of gordias savage. Every week would be the same pummeling against the horrifying Faust dps check, then the first turn's boss, then the second turn until we finally hit the wall of jigglyman and disbanded. I didn't have much complains, despite how tiring it was, I had long since given up on those clears and instead turned each night into 'training to see how long I can last the moment shit hits the fan in any given fight'. And boy did I get a ton of experience down that lane.

The next times I started looking into content once more, I could only play the part of a sub for any group of people I trusted due to life and time issues. But I still took pride in being that one stable sub that could support any group on any extreme primal through HW. I still lament that I was never able to go through Midas and Alexander savage when they were relevant and merely watched from the sidelines.

Then SB came up, and I merely stood aside once more for the first Tier with Exdeath. Except this time, the frustrations of not having been there while I watched all my friends start doing EX's and savage content had finally gotten to me. And lo' and behold, suddenly I was back on square 1, trembling in fear while waiting on my PF announcement that I was looking for a group for Sigma (Kefka times). Nearly died the moment I had two people with interesting names join in my party and just grab me on the spot. I had no idea what I was getting into, they mentioned they just needed a caster slot for the new rag tag group they had built, but at least I had a team! Then the first day of raid came up, and right off the bat I was terrified at the fact that our raid leader was missing, being replaced just for that moment with the FC leader instead. Turns out my entire group save for the ninja, were a raiding FC with multiple groups going in through the week. And what was the first comment of the night pray tell? Well "No one should be here with X ilvl gear." Who was it aimed at? Well, to the only potato that for the first time was slightly outdated in 2 pieces of gear for not being active before the patch dropped. That was the moment that marked my spiraling down a rabbit hole that I wish I could let go of easily but still has a tight grip on me to this day.

I felt like crap, I fought my best and did research on how to be a better caster. Other than the FC leader's comment, no one berated me or spoke about me on a negative light. But it still left a mark in which I kept trying to prove myself and be useful. Suddenly I would find myself cursing at my skills. Hating how no matter how hard I tried with everything, I would never be able to even pass the goddamned Stone, Sky and Sea for savage raids. But we were still getting things done. Two new savage turns down in a single week of release? That felt incredible and also bittersweet. Because any time that my party members celebrated their purples and golds in fflogs, I would be in a corner, self destructing with greys. I kept trying and trying, until my coping mechanism ended up being "I'm just a fill in. But if I'm just this, I'm damn going to do a job stable enough to have a place here." Then things started turning out easier to deal with. I had noticed the goofiness of a lot of the members despite the numbers that dictated their runs, I gave up on my grey numbers and focused on getting their asses up if someone made a mistake. To support the healers as much as possible with mana shift and such. I started putting my experience of keeping the party alive to more use while I slowly tried to recover the confidence I had lost when starting the tier. Granted, they didn't care for the group as much as I did. No amount of hanging out after raid times or helping was enough for the few in charge to announce when we were done raiding after months of being together. They just stopped one day until their FC leader asked me if I was aware of the 'disbanding'.

Then it was time to switch gears, for the first time I thought my work had bore fruit when I was recruited into the FC leader's group instead, and all was well.... Until it wasn't, we kept having to replace members left and right, specially healers and tanks. Progress was slow, sometimes we’d clear Chaos and Midgarsormr, and others it would be a mess depending on the random team comp we had for the week. Things should have been better by the time we made it to Omega, half the party had cleared with their mains after all. Except that it was the point where everything went south in the background.

We had gained a good White Mage, who would complain about random jibber jabber every now and then, but that was fine, no biggie. Then they brought in their former co-healer from their previous static, a Scholar, and all was supposed to be fine. But then something happened that slowly started to wear us all out. For some reason, we suddenly were struggling some more with Midgarsormr, and then Omega.... Boy, even if we had previously cleared, suddenly the three days with 3 hours of raid time each went on on that goddamned turn, and then the final 15 min would go for Omega Male and Female and the reason was hard to tell at first, we were doing the same old after all. It wasn’t until nearly a month of wiping that probably the group had started to realize what was wrong. Our Scholar wasn’t exactly pulling his full weight.

This is what caused probably something that I should have seen coming and that stuck with me for a long while until now that I found this draft I worked on when the wound became fresh again from just thinking about it. It’s just frustrating, sad to a degree and I brought part of it on myself for trying so hard to be useful to no one. What happened? Well, the leader didn’t want to get involved into any drama by only kicking the Scholar because they were friends with the White Mage, so a disbanding was supposed to be the better way to end things. Except the leader decided to do it in a different and up to date still a very shitty fashion. 

Right after we’d finished the last raiding night for the week, he posted an announcement about how people, aka his FC members were tired of constantly bashing their heads against Omega with little success and so they were gonna reform. By kicking the only outsiders of the static team. The White Mage, the Scholar, and me. There was no further explanation, no messages to me, nothing. I was just tossed like that after +6 months of knowing this FC and having raided and hung out with a good chunk of their members. I’d sacrificed so much for them. My time, my confidence to a degree, I had been a slave to their parsers more than a few occasions each time I heard them celebrating or complaining about their numbers. All because I wanted to feel like I could stand on the same levels as them. And I did to a good degree. I reached a point where I knew that my abilities weren’t as bad as the greys on my numbers showed me. But it meant nothing to any of them in the end. No message from the leader that up to that point had kept communication with me for raid times and other stuff. No reaction from the peeps I’d raided the most with. 

The most ironic part that I still respect? The only person to apologize, the only one that actually took the time to send me a message after the whole group ‘disbanded’ was the dragoon that I had only ever heard speak about their golden parses and nothing else on discord. We hadn’t even talked up until then. But he still cared more than the people that had known me for longer in that group. Granted, I did get to throw at least a cent in the raid channel about what I thought before getting kicked, so he probably wanted to come out clean on that. 

I am glad to no avail that I will never have to see them again, because the server splits sent them to a different data center. But it still left a deep mark on me when it came to XIV. I stopped logging in to do any content for a while, focused more on screenshots, on shady flower lady times until I could learn to love the game again. It probably took longer than I would have liked because all of this happened at the exact time that my friends from my crew had dived into raiding at a deeper level. I got to see them celebrate clearing the final omega. Then server transferring to be with their static before the great split or quitting. And then with Shadowbringers hearing “We’re not looking for a dps caster slot.” Each time anyone needed a fill in for their group. 

All this left me at an odd spot, being the veteran that keeps up groups or dungeons on normal modes, but having a hard time trying to get back into my niches in the game. My way of getting through raid had been to think of myself as being replaceable or worthless, but still trying to keep my hope that I’m actually valuable. Getting through all of it alone is not the solution now that I can let go of that bitterness of not being appreciated even as a person. I just happened to get a random chance to try out filling in for a group for a friend. But it wasn’t that what helped me the most both to be back on raids and to have finally built back my confidence. They probably didn’t think that I would check, but I’m the curious kind. Specially when you join a discord that has brief mentions of you on the recent chat. And seeing them mention me, and then vouching over my skills as a player, and how I was their first friend in the server? Well, despite having trouble expressing any feelings myself most of the time, when I get to think of it, you have no idea how much it meant to me. 

I managed to get back on what I like and enjoy most of what I do after deciding to take another leap of faith and join this group despite my stigma. Granted, mentions of parses and all will always be there. But not letting them define you, and believing in what you can and can’t do in content, I think is the best choice you can make to have a healthy experience and enjoy yourself as much as possible. 

[lvthiens]

i called in today bc i wasnt supposed to work anyway plus i had so much homework and i've been nearly feinting like all day so i called in and my manager was like that's fine. then like at 3 whatever the general manager calls me and is it like oh where are you you're supposed to be here at 2 so i was told her i called in and my manager said it was fine. and she was like that's fine i can serve but the manager and her daughter (the only other server) no longer work here. so i was like oh word and texted my good friend / ex crush and was like "did they quit" and he said "yes lmao it was funny they made a whole scene" well now im freaking tf out because the general manager is such an..... interesting person..... so like what if she fires me omfg what if my good friend / ex crush now has to work a double omfg what if he's mad at me omfg so i texted him like can u tell me what happened AND HE HASNT ANSWERED ITS BEEN LIKE 2 HOURS AND I CANT THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE AND I HAVE SO MUCH MATH HW AND ITS DUE AT 12AM BUT IM IN A STATE OF CONSTANT ANXIETY