#made this before but ill do it again
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I hope everyone with a para that is aroace has a great day
#made this before but ill do it again#quill projects#i my beloved#e my beloved#s my beloved#so all the initial ones huh#francois my beloved#madd#maladaptive daydreaming#immersive daydreaming#paraportal#madd positivity
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i knew you'd come back (i never had any doubt)
#quin sketches#tgcf#tian guan ci fu#heaven official's blessing#hualian#xie lian#hua cheng#hello gang im back after like. idfk 2 days??#i wanted to do a scene redraw and my bff told me to do the reunion so here i am#i like how it came out a lot actually........#i made a lantern brush for this#i love making hyper specific brushes i will use once or twice and then never again#btw the amount of minor edits i made to this after exporting it and then going 'wait hold on' before i stopped touching it#ASTRONOMICAL. i airdropped it to my computer like 10 times#anyways :3 i hope you like them#also pls reblog. posting art for a fandom no one follows me for is starting to get to me LOL#ill just have to keep doing it.....#anyways. no more yapping. goodnight#(its 1:30 pm)#lazers art
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telling myself to continue on like normal and write like normal but how am i supposed to do that when i know my world is ending in 24 hours?
tw for tags: i accidentally rambled on and aired out all my grief for my dog
#ive known since the moment we got the cancer diagnosis id be losing him#it doesnt make it easier#tw pet loss#ive experienced a dog dying unexpectedly and now a planned death#i have decided there is no death thats easy. you'll always wish it went the other way.#in 24 hours ill be loading him into my car one last time#ill be joking about how heavy he is as i lift my 'heavy baby' into the backseat#i'll be babytalking him the entire drive and nearly dislocating my arm just to pet him at the red lights for the last time#i bought him reese's peanut butter cups. because he loves peanut butter and deserves to taste chocolate before he goes#i got him all his favorite treats. been feeding him all the meals he'd beg for that id say 'dogs cant have'#i just. this is hard. im losing my baby. my best friend.#the 'aggressive' boy no one wanted for 2 years until i came upon him and said 'hes coming home with me'#people keep telling me i dont have to be in the room when it happens but how could i do that?#how could i leave him alone this last time (arguably the most important time) when the day i brought him home#i made the promise that he'd never be alone again?#how could i do that when every time hes sick he wants me near him? puts his head in my lap?#how could i when during my roughest times he protected me so fiercely?#the only time he's been anything but a gentle giant has always been when he protects me#how could i not protect HIM one last time?#im sorry. im in my feels. this fucking sucks.
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"i'm so fucking sick of you-"
SICK????!!!??>#! *STARTS JAKING OFF*
#snzblr#snz#snz kink#sneezeblr#sneeze kink#snzfucker#snz thoughts#snz fet#illness kink#sneezefucker#snez kink#snezblr#snez#sneezing kink#snz blog#snz things#snzkink#i have made this joke before and ill do it again#also yes its misspelled on purpose lmfao
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Ok in honor of this post getting pretty widely viewed I'm posting my (self proclaimed) funny tumblr text meme edit here
#in stars and time#siffrin#isabeau#image tag#This is probably the only thing of mine I'll ever publicly share I'm more of a reblogger than a Maker Of Things so#Funnily enough I actually made this Before op posted this scene. I noted the shift from fake portrait to scary portrait back when I was—#playing through act 4 (kind of hilarious thing for Siffrin to get annoyed about. btw. I could character analyze him over that but I won't)—#but I didn't actually realize ISABEAU reacted like this (I fucking missed the blush entirely) until my friend Robin pointed it out to me.#This specific screenshot is something I took right off cloudy's ''sifcore'' tag but ever since Robin mentioned that I was like. Haunted#And then I saw this reblogged by Cloudy and went OH I HAVE THE PERFECT PORTRAITS FOR THIS#Anyway these are The Exact Portraits Used In The Referenced Scene. How do I know for sure? I went back to my fucking second save file—#and looped forwards to floor 3 just to get the interaction again. To check and make sure I was using the exact portraits from the scene#Anyway these fuckers make me ill. Bye#Nebbie posts#<- I FORGOT MY ORGANIZATIONAL TAGS AUUGH
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My mental health is bad but I don't think that's reflecting in my work at all. Why do you ask.
#i know ive shared this before but its one of my favorite things ive ever made#should i update it?#with the new groups from the magician and the cowboys arc?#also not a joke mental health stuff is rlly bad atm life situations are absolutely destroying me#me literally like 'but we stay silly' through tears rn#jts fine. it will be fine#but BRO#Anyways.#i dont think i ever made a dedicated post for this little chart#i would love to talk about it#there is nothing that makes me feel better than absolutely losing myself in the oc sauce#so. PLEASE#no jk#but yknow this is funnay#we stay silly#memes#relationship chart#ttawebcomic#time and time again#yeah i should update this#maybe ill do that tomorrow
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hm ok so for a while i was thinking that Wally, for the most part, only perceives reality as "Home", the neighborhood. that's his entire world, it's all he knows
but then i slapped myself and went wait. the Live Interview. Wally has been outside of Home, and has interacted with humans (presuming that the interview did actually happen, of course). and through Wally's interactions - or rather, attempt at interactions with Us, the QA, and the WHRP, it can be strongly assumed that he knows that there's an Elsewhere. there are places outside of Home. maybe he doesn't quite understand that there's another reality of sorts, but there's no way he's unaware that there's more than just the neighborhood out there
(and then of course there's the fact that Clown has said that humans are deeply involved (not a direct quote, im paraphrasing) in Welcome Home. maybe Wally interacted with them / regularly interacted with them. there could have been an adjustment period after he gained consciousness where humans helped him learn how to walk/talk/fine motor skills - this could be why he has such a seemingly inherent / desperate trust in Us & the WHRP & the QA... humans made him and cared for him. it's possible he could view them as a sort of higher power to trust & have faith in
& maybe he's been off-set or could go off-set. i mean, the houses' rooms were all different sets - the buildings themselves were empty husks, right? who's to say Wally wouldn't physically walk to the individual set pieces whenever he went over to someone's house (but then that leads me into speculation on how the puppets' consciousness works and how multiple copies of them could co-exist and wondering which is the - im getting off track. but there's all of that and then the two part "you're okay!" art pieces of Wally & Eddie, which are technically canon - dont quote me on that - and that's Another ramble/theory post i could go on about & have strong feelings on. Anyway!)
"but wait," i hear someone protest, "what about Barnaby? he was in the Live Interview too"
but was he? was he really? was that Barnaby, or was that a person in a suit playing the character Barnaby B. Beagle? i mean, if it was Barnaby, there had to be some memory fuckery going on that prevented him from either fully comprehending/realizing the situation, or just made him forget as soon as it was over.
and actually wait, Wally has to be aware of the reality discrepancy. because it was certainly him in the Interview as himself. He had to have understood on some level that either that wasn't really Barnaby, or that Barnaby wouldn't remember the interview.
(there's a connection in my head between all of this & how he would view an apple pie. "it isn't the same anymore. something's different". but i can't pin it down for the life of me.)
and with the Talking Telephone calls, Wally explicitly tells Us that he's not going to tell anyone who was behind the calls. i remember listening to the "original" prank call audio tests, which while were very similar to the canon in-website ones, have a few changes. one of which was Wally - in the tests - saying that the others weren't ready to meet Us yet. now in canon that tidbit has been swapped out for "You have to go too. You have work to do" but i think it's still implied through Wally's purposeful withholding-of-information that he doesn't think the others are ready to know. or he straight up doesn't want them to know
i mean, one little theory i previously had is that Wally wants them all to catch on to the nature of their reality and situation, but he doesn't want to - or Can't - tell them outright. they have to figure it out. and that can't was either something keeping him quiet, or because if they learned too soon / inorganically, their little puppet heads would pop into confetti like Red Guy's in dhmis 4
However my views have Changed and i'm pretty sure Wally is purposefully not telling anyone to maintain the illusion that everything is fine and can continue on as it always has. maybe it comes from a place of protectiveness, of love? whatever the motive i think he wants them all to keep being unaware and dare i say, Complacent while he "fixes" their situation.
which is delusional, but we all know Wally is digging his metaphorical claws into a desperate bid to keep everything the same / return it to its original state, leaving bloody scratches in something already rotted. or something like that!
all this to say i think it's interesting how it seems that he's the only one aware of humans / an outside/other world, yet he's so determined to stay in his lane. he wants connection & communication yet he doesn't want to leave or change. he wants help in keeping things the same (some could say in keeping Our reality & his separated) but in the process he's dooming everyone/everything and tearing down those walls himself
(Wally: i'm going to stay where i am, and you're gonna stay where you are, and we're gonna help each other keep me and my friends where we're meant to be. anyway i wonder what this sledgehammer does)
#this is a very disjointed ramble but when are they ever put together!#i have to start at point a to get to point 36 yk yk#trying to write down my thoughts is like trying to keep a firm grip on a lubed up ferret#SOAPED!!! SOAPED UP!!! I MEANT SOAP yk that doesnt make it any better. anyway moving on dont look at me#its. its. the more i think about wally the more i go insane#like he's got neurosis stacked on neurosis stacked on-#there is something soooo wrong with him <3#homebogging#welcome home speculation#wh speculation#i do think his heart is in the right place. i do think he's trying to achieve something he thinks is good & best for everyone#but... despite being aware of more than his friends... technically knowing more Truth than them#he's more trapped by that knowledge. he's ruled by it. and he doesn't really have the -#i dont want to say capacity bc i have to believe that he Can change. he just doesnt know how / currently doesnt want to / is too scared to#but he doesn't have the freedom the others have. bc in their ignorance they can ignore their confines#in a way they're more real than wally despite living in a fabricated world as fabricated people with fabricated lives#they're authentic in their ignorance#and ive said it before and ill say it again - wally was created as a blank slate while everyone else already had a Foundation#no matter how false their memories are they Have them. they have the tools to change and want change#they already perceive themselves as more than what they were made for. they think they're People (not humans - people) dont they?#so if they learn theyre trapped... they'll want out. meanwhile wally is already stuck bc while they have - in a way - More#the neighborhood & the show are all wally has. he knows there's outside but he doesnt have any reason to Want that outside#bc why would he want to leave home? why would he want anything to change? it's his sole purpose isnt it?#idk i just think wally would benefit from being told 'you dont need a purpose / you dont need to adhere to a purpose / you are enough as Yo#doing what You want. you can just Be'#but yk. what was i talking about again#oh yeah - wally is so so aware and yet so in the dark#he's got one half of the puzzle but they're all corner/edge pieces and he's trying to fill the inside space with Nothing#hm. i wonder if he'll end up needing the other neighbors to help finish the puzzle... who's to say who's to say!!#FUCK YOU TUMBLR I HAD MORE TO SAY. CUT OFF AGAIN AGH
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ppl need to talk more about how the experience of getting diagnosed with chronic conditions can lead chronic pain sufferers to literally question their own sanity and experiences
like after getting so many tests and they all come back fine, you eventually start to question if you're even feeling pain at all or if you just somehow made it all up. you can't even identify if you're in pain anymore because every test is telling you that you're healthy. maybe everyone just feels like this and you're the weak one for not being able to handle it.
this is on top of the shit you'll get from doctors or friends or family members saying that it's all in your head or that it's somehow your fault for being in pain. you just need to exercise! you just need to eat right! do yoga! you're not doing enough!you start to think they're right, because nobody can find anything wrong with you. so it MUST be your fault!
it starts to take over your mind until you can't figure out if what you're feeling is even real. it makes you doubt that you can accurately label your own experiences. it makes you feel like a liar in your own head!
and it took me a long time to realize that i'm not tricking myself into feeling pain and what im feeling is real. and even though i might never get a doctor to tell me yes, your pain is real, and i know what's causing it, at least i can tell myself that what i am feeling is REAL. i am in pain and i am not making it up!
#getting all emotional again about my experiences#i just got so turned around l#i started believing that my pain wasn't actually pain at all#just discomfort that everyone has to deal with#it made me feel crazy for not being about to do as much as everyone else#i hope that other people understand what i'm talking about#you can only be told you're healthy so many times before you start to believe it#disability#invisible illness#chronic pain
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me when time moves forward at a steady pace: how the fuck is it more than halfway through july already. this fuckers rapidly sprinting when im not looking huh
#i have so many things i need to do#before the semester starts again this fall#i need to work on comms. i need to work on a project due the end of the month. i want to do artfight. i want to make art for myself. i want#to do art studies. i want to start an alt drawing more suggestive stuff. i mean what who said that mustve been the wind#and thats just the things related to drawing.#i need to organize my room. i need to learn [redacted]. i want to cook more. i want to socialize more. i want to play games. i want to-#watch and read and listen to so many things#yet i have a finite amount of time to do everything#and half of a day is consumed by me just snoozing#and when i do work on something i feel like im Not Efficient Enough.#i cant just chill in vcs i need to be productive and draw too. and if i dont make significant progress then I Have Failed.#i cant just watch New Season of Show. thats Time Focused on One Singular Activity. gotta do multiple things at once or ill feel bad after#because i know that once the semester starts back up then im gonna be 90% less online#back to the depths of graphic design hell making infographics and powerpoints and brand identities#not having the time to draw anything furry or for myself for several months#anywho its 5am#i should go to sleep#sorry for the ramble im just. only now realizing how little time i have#when i wake up i have to really lock in on drawing and stuff#ive wasted so much time playing a game this past week#if i hadnt played it idve made so much more progress by now and im kicking myself so bad mentally now that im like mostly done w the game#gahhh#anywho yeah sorry for the ramble ill post more soon#sho.scramblin
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> looking for a tenma siblings relationship study
> ask the op if the study is actually about the tenmas or just treating saki like an accessory to tsukasa
> they don’t understand
> pull out an illustrated diagram explaining the difference
> they laugh and say “it’s a good relationship study sir”
> click the post
> it’s treating saki like an accessory to tsukasa
#project sekai#listen I love tsukasa as I love all the wxs members but i also love saki and cannot stand u people#don’t even get me started on when people fridge saki for contrived tsukasa angst. I’ll kill you.#i could also go on a rant abt how saki is so disrespected in general by pjsk fans#& as sm1 with a (less severe) chronic illness I do not appreciate how her illness is only explored in relation to how tsukasa feels abt it#but I think I would get too frustrated#gripping ur shoulders. read the doll story again.#also if ur talking abt tsukasa’s character & don’t mention saki u have automatically failed#before any of his relationships saki is the most important like it’s not subtext it’s literally just text#did we forget the dazzling event where he finally has a breakthrough in his role bc he talked to saki.#or the main story where he’s like yea saki is literally the reason I pursued acting#or the doll event where he’s despondent bc he thinks saki is mad at him & then when honami comes to his school#his first reaction is to sprint over like WHAT HAPPENED 2 SAKI IS SHE OK (sprints home)#or saki canonically being his no.1 fan. smh. u cannot separate them. and why would u want to. they’re so funny.#+ saki saying he made her hospitalizations more bearable. picking up on his mannerisms. crying during the doll festival bc they had a fight.#the dolls being her favorite things bc of how it symbolized their bond.#the complex tenma sibling mental illness web in general makes me crazy.#saki is like I love u but I wish u wouldn’t worry abt me so much and rely on me more & then tries to hide issues to make him not worry#tsukasa is like I’m always worried abt u and I don’t want to burden u because I feel like I need to always be a rock for u#ough. love them.
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tiny wip siffrin as payment for the homestuck spam continuting. now.
#sent my stupid emails i can backscroll eternally once more#lucabytetalks#half the isat fanbase also being homestucks has really made me crawl back out of my hole. is it safe again#can i come out of my nuclear fallout bunker. dont make any sudden moves ill bite you if you startle me#''hey man hows it going remember dirkjohn haha'' CHOMP. aw shit sorry . anyway yeah i do what was fucking up with that for real#whyd the fanbase do that for a second. that was so weird. was it ... homophobia? i feel insane. where am i#remember when everybody didnt pick up on the class metaphor of jane and roxy's friendship and got mad at trans women inste--#[is dragged away by the authorities before i can mention gamzeegate in any detail]
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can someone nice (!!) please please please adopt me im begging you im requesting you (huge word vomit and vent in tags, pls dont read if u dont want to!! and if you don't want this stuff on this blog PLS lmk!! i dont wanna make anyone uncomfy! )
#tw vent#yes ik i have a vent blog#but idk why i dont wanna go there#ill prolly delete this in a while + if i vent here (which ill try not to) ill always tag it#but if any of yall aren't fine with it pls do lmk!!! ill stop <3#Anyways.#fucking hell i hate this.#dude#i very specifically told them to hurry the fuck up THEY were the ones making us late#i have told them a hundred times the minimum time i jeed to get ready#i told them this morning too that you guys make us late then put it all on me#nad she went like oh no dear dont worry that wont happen#WELL GUESS WHAT BITCH#and like the lecture and huge ass scolding and then cold shouldet ive been getting from BOTH of them before i left for coachinh#im just tired atp#idk its not even that big a deal this happens everyday#i dont know how to feel#idk if im even rly feeling anything atp#its just that i really fucking hate being here#I wanna get the fuck out#but thing is this makes me feel kinda guilty occasionally#for eg a few days ago i was rly sick and she took care of me kinda#and then that made me feel bad for hating her#but then things like this happen and i cant help it and i feel so conflicted#i dont want to stay here i know that for sure but i feel guilty for it#if i speak im being rude and backtalking#if i dont speak im being rude and ignoring#the fuck am i supposed to do????#she always tells me to 'stay silent and just hear it'#and when i do that she keeps shouting again and again and finally i say smth bc although its extremely fucking dumb of me to open my mouth
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I'm conflicted about if I should push through finishing art comm or sleep
Have 3hrs of sleep or none? 🤔 (I have class tomorrow)
#sleep deprive thoughts#randomapple thoughts#yesterday and teh day befroe that and teh day before that and tha....#i tried to finish comm but i ended up eaking up with my tablet on the floor (in other words#i fell asleep)#surprised i havent broke my glasses yet from falling asslep while drawing#i rememebr waking up and reading my answers for my assignment and it made absolutely no sense#i fell asleep doing ky assignment and honestly im glad i fell asleep befroe i passed that mess lol#might regeret this later when i#and delete it#anwyays ill try to draw and see i#what happenes#although it usually ends up ugly and i ahve to redo it all over again#okie maybe i should jsut sleep cause imma ahve to redo it again when its ugly cause im too sleepy to keep my eys#open#who needs to be drunk when sleep deprivation is already as bad if not worse lol
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#okay so about clarification#i wrote a p detailed script#yknow#for me#but that was right before my laptop change#and then it just got lost/forgotten about in the scuffle#so like. i just need to get to it.#the donnie and jeremy thing has like five panels done and /probably wont?/ balloon out?#i started two different responses to the jess mikey ask#but they kept getting wildly off topic#so im keeping the progress i made on those for another day and ill start again with another approach#and uh#the casey jr one was actually p recent but itll probably inspire me to do more with high school disaster era so#if its not an ask patreon is getting first crack at it tho so itll be a second anyhow
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(from this video)
#not a confession#helluva boss#the fact that they even mentioned Chaz just made me screech mentally#because... you know. if you've read my oneshot you know#but yes exactly. I also tie back to him the fact that Millie was so serious and untrusting during the flashback#(to be fair. being a mercenary is cutthroat business. but even while fighting and killing she seems a lot goofier nowadays)#how the timeline works in my head is#affair in Wrath. Chaz bounces to another ring and breaks her heart. she stays home for a while after that before moving to the city in Prid#she could've had her walls up out of a sense that the city slickers would only betray her#Chillie seems significant to me bc we've SEEN just how MUCH it takes for Millie to snap when it comes to loved ones and their bullshit#let alone turn from loving affection to seething murderous hatred#so you KNOW that whatever happened between her and Chaz WOUNDED her. or at least offended in a huge way idk#someone on AO3 wrote it so he cheated on her with her sister. like yeah that could do the job alright#though that does imply she loved him which is easily the biggest plot hole here. like. look at that thing#what is there to love#about Chazwick Thurman#he's an embarrassing roach with a dick complex#(also my girl Sallie would never have standards that low. please. she's also a lesbian now but that's another thing)#tbf Chaz and Blitzo are quite similar... except Blitzo has way less shallow writing... I wonder if that could be explored#her currently being so close to someone who is in theory strongly reminiscent of her ex. putting up with so much from him too#ah but I shan't keep talking Chillie. we'd be here all night if I tried to explain all my mental lore#isn't it funny how I've thought so much about them despite despising S02e03 and becoming physically ill by Chaz's sceentime#on my first watch#and then never watching it again#it's just the Concept of him alright. like shared ex of M&M who's a conman a loser a former mafia goon & whores himself to survive#who are you and how did you get here#plus the fact that he's a shark bc sharks are so cool. did you know threshers harm and even kill prey by whipping them with their tails#wish we could've seen that#I love it when anthros have their animal traits acknowledged#wow the tags here really derailed from the original screenshot. ignore them please 🙏
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Every time Prapai gives Sky medicine, he's narcoleptic inside 5 minutes.
#fun story: in 2018 we went to interview ex-president jimmy carter#and I had a bit of an odd feeling in my throat#august 24 2018 i remember that date well#because that was the first signs of an illness that annihilated me#i blacked out for most of the month of september- i only have very sparse memories#i had a strange kind of pneumonia the doctor hadn't seen before#and over those 6-7 months they threw every single anti-anything they could at me#IDK if I slept so well because of the knockout effects of all the antibiotics and antivirals#or because I had a recurring fever and a chronic brutal cough for 6-7 months and was terribly weak by the end#but i was sleeping so deeply the more pills they added#and now i know i can function with a 102 fever on and off for months on end#everyone- family and coworkers- also made fun of me for insisting on wearing a mask but guess what bitches#when the pandemic rolled around i still had 2 unopened boxes from being sick a year before and those were worth more than toilet paper#lita#love in the air#prapai#sky#prapaisky#true facts: I don't remember writing one of my own fics#it was during the blackout month and i refuse to read it because i think it's funnier that i don't know what it's about#i also had to work- it was one of our biggest events that we do every 4 years#two weeks straight of 14 hour days with no weekends#and i was there every single day#i have no memory whatsoever and when we did the event again in 2022 the organizers kept saying 'oh wow you're alive!'#i like to say i had the BEST time because it's a tedious af event and everyone is surly by the end#but from MY pov i was trapped in dense fog and couldn't breathe; trapped in that twilight feeling when you're neither awake nor unconscious#and then when it passed I had a nice paycheck in my account without any of the mental strain of working for it
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