#made the world reflect other ones
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Loredump - The First Great Sacrifice
The world of Pices began as an idea. A strand of wildly disorganized ideas whispered on the winds of Gehenna, dancing through the stars of the Astral Plane, sinking deep into the roots of each tree in Arborea. Even the metallic clanging in the Hells of Baator carried a melodic, inspiring tune, if just for a second. Many ignored this odd series of invasive noise, shrugging it off as an odd intrusive thought. Though the very multiverse heard it, few understood its purpose. The first creature to understand was an ancient, deific kraken living within the Elemental Chaos. Seeking to manifest this strange new world, it enlisted the aid of its siblings. Though these krakens, known to each other as the Progenitors, long ago abandoned one another and their homeworld in hopes they would not seek out a goal like their eldest brother had devised, they could not resist the temptation of creation.
The five Progenitor krakens left their various hiding places across reality and came together to a quiet corner of the Astral Plane where they could begin their work. Though they had imbued several abandoned artifacts with their power in the millennia which they have existed, creating an entire Material Plane was another task entirely. To birth this world, the krakens' lifeblood would have to be drained from their bodies and used to build the foundations of this plane. To be weakened to such a state meant death. Despite their fear, the Progenitors' trusted their brother enough to make the ultimate sacrifice: their life for the life of this world.
Even through this, the siblings were deceived. Their eldest brother promised his sacrifice to be last, but in reality he remained alive. Terrified of the multiverse's gods interfering, he believed his survival insured the "purity" of his world.
The inky-black blood of the fallen Progenitors solidified into a massive, floating sphere in the Astral Plane. This sphere was made of a material known as Black Hail, obsidian-like but extremely frigid to the touch. Radiating the power of creation, this orb became known as the Divine Mirror. The eldest kraken, who in this moment named itself Ult, intended to use the Divine Mirror to focus its will. However, the Mirror imprisoned the still-living minds of Ult's kindred. Furious at their betrayal, they used the Mirror before Ult.
Instead of creating a wholly new world, the Mirror reflected other realities and hybridized it with the whispers which Ult had heard. Within the Mirrors' confines, new versions of the multiverse sprung to life, shifting and changing in unpredictable ways. The first plane to be recreated was the Material Plane.
A primal, jungle-covered expanse with deep waters covering its surface. Continents of high mountains and low valleys. A future marred by war and gods. A species rising from the dirt and hearing the enraged cries of their creators.
Out of the First Great Sacrifice, Pices was born.
#tl;dr world was created by inspired krakens#betrayal caused them to lash out at eldest of their kind#made the world reflect other ones#Pices loredump#dnd homebrew#homebrew lore#maybe this'll work we'll see
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It's a broken world, Michonne...
And
You're
The
Only
Thing
That
Puts
It
Back
Together
Till my last breath, I am yours ~ Rick Grimes to his wife, his compass, his light, his world, his everything, Michonne Grimes 💍🤍
#the way rick & michonne met in a broken world and then made each other more whole than they've ever been before 😭#i cherish richonne's journey and love story with everything in me#it was a great feeling to wake up today and realize i didn't just dream this - richonne really got a canon official proposal!#and of course it was gorgeous and moving and a perfect declaration of how deep their love goes#thank you again to Danai for knowing that Rick and Michonne are absolutely the type of characters who would do this 🙌🏽💍#richonne#twd towl#rick x michonne#rick grimes#michonne grimes#the ones who live#twd towl spoilers#not my gifs#danai gurira#andrew lincoln#reflecting on richonne#thoughts
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bobby & david kennedy
“There was some level on which David tapped his father’s sensitivity. You would find him walking with David or with his arm around David. David just seemed to need it.”
— chuck mcdermott.
“If his father’s death hit David harder than the others, it was because there had been a special bond between them—both were the runts of the litter, sandwiched into the middle of a large family. He was the only one in the family who hadn’t been enthusiastic about the run for the presidency. For weeks after his father’s announcement, David had been plagued by recurring nightmares about Bobby’s death. Distraught over episodes that seemed premonitory, and missing the special attention his father had given him, David had gotten in trouble for throwing rocks at cars passing by Hickory Hill. The day of the California primary, he had joined his father in Los Angeles. The two of them had been swimming and he had felt himself being carried out by the undertow when his father grabbed him, scraping his own head on the ocean floor as he reached for David’s slippery arm. With a teenager’s melodrama, David had decided that he owed his father a life and would look for an opportunity to pay him back in the years ahead. That night as he sat in front of the television set in his room in the Ambassador Hotel and watched [his father] bleeding on the floor downstairs, one of the thoughts he had was that the debt would be forever undischarged.”
“As the worst year of their young lives came to a close, they decided to surprise their mother at Christmas with a book comprised of letters about their father. David’s said: ‘Daddy was very funny in church because he would embarrass all of us by singing very loud. Daddy did not have a very good voice. There will be no more football with Daddy, no more swimming with him, no more riding and no more camping with him. But he was the best father there ever was and I would rather have him for a father for the length of time I did than any other father for a million years.”
— the kennedy’s, peter collier & david horowitz.
“David looked at himself in those pictures like they were a strange sort of mirror. He looked at them half a dozen times at least, mesmerized by them, and he kept asking me questions. There was a tremendous desire to know his father, to really know him.”
— john seigenthaler.
“David and Bobby were so close. They were inseparable. David was small, a runt like Bobby had been.” Ethel then explained to Noelle (her secretary) that David had always been a very sensitive youngster, very introverted, "not like the other boys. He and I would go and pick flowers while his brothers were killing each other with their crazy games", Ethel recalled with a smile.
— ethel kennedy.
“I think about death a lot. Time hasn’t erased the death of my father from my mind. My family thinks I’m no good and that I’ll never beat my problem. They’ve written me off. I’m trying to get it together, but it’s so difficult. I’m having a terrible time at it. And the thing I want most in the world is the approval of my family, but they want nothing to do with me. All I want is to be with my father.”
— david kennedy, april 1984.
“Like his family, his friends had all wondered at one time or another if he would kill himself; but when it finally came his death was nonetheless shocking. ‘I keep asking myself why. Why David? Why now? All I can come up with is that maybe his father was looking down from heaven and saw all the hell these people were putting him through and said, ‘Come on, You’ve suffered enough. It’s time you were up here with me.’”
— nancy narleski.
Years after David Kennedy’s death, his cousin, Patrick Kennedy recalled a haunting and heartbreaking recollection he had with his father, Teddy, sitting beside his cousin’s casket: “My father remembered Bobby telling him that, as a father, he needed to spend more time with David. He also recounted a story Uncle Bobby had told him just before his own death. On the day before the California primary, the Robert Kennedys had gone swimming in Malibu, to relax together. David had been knocked over by a wave and got caught in the undertow, and his father had come to his rescue. When Uncle Bobby told my father this story, he talked about ‘the undertow’ in broader terms, how there was an undertow in life and David, who was only then thirteen, already seemed vulnerable to it. And then, just hours later, Uncle Bobby was murdered as David watched the TV coverage in their hotel room upstairs. It was unbelievably poignant to hear my father tell this story. David was in the casket next to us. And I wasn’t that much older than David when his father worried whether he could survive the undertow.”
#the fifth photo where he’s caressing david’s cheek …..#every time i think about bobby & david my heart cracks a little#the way that he was iced out by the kennedy's bc of his drug addiction is so heartbreaking. but is it surprising? not really#ofc i understand that trying to help someone with an addiction is never easy and warrants a whole other conversation#i remember reading ab how kathleen tried to help as she was the oldest but other ppl in the family dissuaded her from it after a while#chris lawford talked ab how eunice once got him out of trouble but was incredibly angry at how the family had neglected their own children#said something about how 'we're so good at taking care of other ppl's problems but absolutely awful at looking after our own'#so i'm moreso side-eyeing ppl like rfk jr who actively benefitted in painting david as the black sheep#or just Didn't Care bc it reflected badly on them.#david was made to feel unimporant in the family when anyone who met him said he was Always the brightest of bobby’s children#which made his downward mental spiral all the more tragic to those sympathetic to him#and it kind of kills me bc he really was so much like Bobby who grew up only ever wanting his family’s love and approval#who as a young man was also so angry at the world & depressed but then was slowly sucked out of its intensity bc of ethel’s love and suppor#and because he found purpose through fatherhood and public service#but david never had the opportunity to have those things or that type of support#not after he lost his father who he felt was the only one who understood & cared for him and gave him that support#david later revealed to peter collier & David Horowitz that his brothers even called him a traitor which had left him in tears#and he was only further ostracized by the family for talking to those biographers and telling them the actual truth#moral of the story: bobby and david kennedy deserved better#rfk#bobby kennedy#david kennedy#kennedy family
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my biggest gripe with the manhwa rn is that they made javier more of an asshole than he is in the novel and then took away most of the scenes where we see him being kind and soft with others.
javier can be an ass, he is a brat and he's especially annoying when he's with lloyd, but above anything else he is kind and loyal and selfless and good. i cannot emphasize enough how good javier is. he's the kind of person who cannot see someone in trouble or danger and do nothing about it. he's the kind of person who would sacrifice his life for total strangers and no hope of any reward. he's the kind of person who can't even enjoy a lavish party without feeling guilty because he'd much rather help people in need with that money.
he's so fucking good, lloyd is a little annoyed by it because he keeps getting dragged into life-threatening situations because javier just won't stop helping people they don't even know. mind you, lloyd is also endeared by this and would not want him to change but god can it be frustrating in his endeavor to keep them both alive.
there's this particular scene that i just. i'm so sad it was cut. where javier is helping around the refugee camp, going without sleeping and eating so he can focus on helping as many people as possible and then he spots a little kid that got lost on his way back. so he decides to help him.
and he's so gentle with this kid.
Javier walked over to the kid and called him. The flustered boy looked up. Javier strove to put on a warm smile on his face. "Are you lost?" “...” The boy nodded, his eyes all wet. Javier carefully stroked the boy's head. "I think I can help you with that. Why don't you let me help find your tent?" suggested Javier. “...” The boy nodded again. "But why didn't you eat the food? It's going to get cold. Are you not hungry?" "I am… hungry," the boy finally said. But what he said next caught Javier by surprise. "But I won't eat it," said the boy. "Why not?" "My mother is hungrier." "Is that so?" "Yes." “...” Javier wondered why this kid came out to take the food when he had a mother. There must be a reason, he thought to himself. He held out his hand. "I will hold the tray for you." "..." "I won't spill it. I promise." "Okay..." Javier took the tray and wrapped the boy’s hand with his own.
like. god. javier is not a naturally warm person. he's very reserved and stoic and sometimes outright cold, but he still tries so hard with this kid. because he knows what it's like to be him. he knows what it's like to be a child and be scared and hungry and without a home. and he remembers how much it meant for a kind adult to reach out a hand to him and help. and he wants to be that to others too.
everything he does, he does because he genuinely believes it's the right thing to do and therefore his obligation. and even when it doesn't come naturally to him, like being warm and gentle to a child, he still tries his best to do so.
and like that wasn't enough, when they finally find the kid's mom, javier finds out she's blind. recently blinded actually. that she used all her strength to get her child to safety and now she has to depend on him to take care of them because she can't do it anymore. her blouse is smudged with porridge.
so javier kneels down and explains who he is, why he's there and that he wants to help. he lifts up a spoonful of food and slowly and carefully starts to feed her himself. she's a complete stranger and javier doesn't hesitate one second to do this for her.
this is who javier is!! this is who he is at his core!! he's kind and he's selfless and he's above all else good!!
if your audience can't imagine javier comforting a child, then you failed your audience. you missed the point of his character.
#i talk a lot <3#tged#the greatest estate developer#ch 127#javier asrahan#sorry i have a lot of feelings about javier and how fucking good he is despite being constantly shoved into his role as badass protagonist#the world wants him to be the knight of blood and iron so bad but he's a kid whose world fell apart when he was a child#and then received kindness for kindness sake and he has never forgotten this.#he will always try to be the helping hand that he received from someone else first#HE'S A BRAT BUT ONLY WHEN HE'S WITH LLOYD. THAT'S BEST FRIEND PRIVILEGE BITCH.#and even with lloyd it's meant to be proof of his trust and closeness to him!! it's meant to reflect how javier doesn't feel the need#to be perfect and always in control with lloyd!! how he trusts him with the annoying and whiny and mean parts of him!!#there's a point to their banter and their bitchiness to each other!! he's not an asshole just because!!#also i've decided i dislike that they made him so expressive. he Would Not Say That. nor would he make that face.#when lloyd can tell what javier is feeling it's supposed to be special because no one else can.#no one else gets to know javier like lloyd does. THIS IS A BIG POINT OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP HOLY SHIT HOW CAN YOU MISS IT.#i'm fine. i'm good. i'm normal about this.
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Can you expand on what you mean by Baron being "too cool" to really fit a horror monster? It's a very interesting concept and I'd love to hear your thoughts. Is it that they're too active/involved/tangible and it detracts from their scariness?
I feel like I should preface this with a wall of disclaimers lmao 1/I am a hardcore, down-to-the-marrow, avid, deeply sincere horror enthusiast, esp. horror creatures. this usually means my mileage is vastly different from the average populace's, and my scaredy bone has been disintegrated by longterm exposure. most things in a piece of horror media won't scare me! so I practically never use that on its own as the scale to talk abt horror experiences, but when something does scare me it's always a special occasion to be treasured. 2/canon d20 is never really meant to be horror horror, and for good reasons: it doesn't fit the company's output, it takes a kind of carelessness in production estimation that is always a huge risk, it's often vulnerable in a way that kinda goes against how TTRPGs usually facilitates vulnerability, and for most people it's just! stressful! d20, even with the "horror-themed" seasons, generally just plays with horror tropes and stays focused in its goal of being a comedy improv tabletop theater show. 3/fantasy high's chosen system is DnD, which as I've mentioned before is before all a combat-based game system, which means the magic circle of play is drawn based on stats that facilitate and prioritize combat. want or not this affects every interaction you have in the game, and given fantasy high's concept from the ground up (everyone's going to school of DnD stuff to get better at DnD) it's doubly relevant. 4/This Is Fine I have no quarrel with this. my meters are internal, I do not ask this show to be anything it doesn't advertise itself to be, and what it is is fucking great! I like it! when I expand on this ask's question it will be like a physicist going insane in a lab. that's the mindset we're going in with.
disclaimers done. my stance on horror as a genre is that it's a utility genre rather than a content genre or a demographic genre; it is the discard of narratives. it's the trash pile. horror, above being scary, is about being ugly and messy, it's the cracks on the ground any story inevitably steps over to stay a genre that isn't horror. the genre's been around long enough to develop a codex and a general language that medias and makers and enthusiasts of the genre can use to talk about and build onto, but if you go into individual pieces there's really no unifying Horror Story. one person's beautiful life can be another's horror story, it's just how it is.
this makes The Monster a deeply intriguing piece of the genre. thing is a monster is in a decent percentage of any story - it's just when the antagonist force steps into something past a certain line traced out in the story's world. monstrousness is in pretty much every western fantasy story, it's in any story with a hero and something to vanquish or win; more than anything it's a proxy of that thing up there. the line in a narrative's world. the monster is the guard of the unknown lands, where heroic, civilized people don't tread.
what does this mean in the context of horror? the genre is about that perceived lawlessness, that "unknown land" so to say. we're in the monster's home. that's the literary context that we often walk into a horror piece with; the monster knows more than you about where you are. it may not understand you, but it holds more information than you, and with that it moves swifter than you, has more covered than you, and is more assured in its existence in this context than you. it's a struggle to catch up to it, it's nigh impossible to get one over it, and you're never sure it'll 100% work, because you just don't have the information necessary to.
with that framing you can kinda see where I'm coming from here: horror's often about the breaking of rules. I always think a monster's most effective when it breaks well-established rules of both existence and visual storytelling. think Possum (2018) or Undertale's Omega Flowey or the Xenomorph Queen - unique change in medium, unique change in graphic, unique change in design language, etc. in that sense I actually really like how canon baron plays out: they don't really function like anything else in the fantasy high universe, the bad kids have not managed to kill them when they've felled literal gods, their domain in fhjy literally introduces new mechanics to encompass their existence! from an experience design standpoint they slap mad shit. BUT! I can't help finding their character, like as a character riz (and the other bad kids, eventually) interact with, to be very... coherent? in design. this is kinda hard for me to articulate in words, it's more often a sense you get once you've looked at enough of these scrumptious fuckers, their general design and the way they show up is just kinda too clean, so to say. always kinda newly made? fresh unboxed. it, once again, makes sense for their lore - they are looking for more about themself from riz - and their function - they're an antagonist in a game experience, they're meant to be interacted with in a way that produces results and meshes with the existing magic circle - but that shininess takes away from the implied history they should have dominion over and the person they're haunting doesn't.
from another angle there is kinda something there about how put-together canon baron is as a concept; the domain they call home is riz's deep-seeded fears, extremely vulnerable things he's drawn borders around to quarantine and refused to walk into. things that from his perspective would irreversibly shatter certain pleasant fictions his world is built on top of. canon baron, While Extremely Cool, I feel is kinda too neat to connect with and signify the apocalyticized mess that'd result from this paradigm shift. the part where they're in riz's briefcase and looking through every mirror is Very Cool And Fucked Up! but ultimately the show draws a line around them as well, by making game-physical, tangible spaces they're in (the mirrors and the haunted mordred manor) and put riz and the bad kids there only when they need to confront stuff. riz is meaningfully narratively away from baron's unknown land for most of fantasy high.
with that and all of my disclaimers in mind my conclusion here is if canon baron wants to be a Horror Monster they'd have to cross way more lines. be a Lot more invasive. hence (holds up my class swap baron like a long cat)
#ask#not art#tldr a lot of fantasy high's and d20's nature plays against having a Horror horror piece in it. there's no space for emptiness or dread#that's one of the most attractive things to me about horror. the monster signifying a new world you don't understand#you see something on the deserted streets and you realize: oh. the world doesn't work how I've been thinking it does#if u've noticed how much this has in common with queer experiences haha. yeag#man. actually I should also put the I Am Not White disclaimer in there too lmao a lot of the notion of The Monstrous is! traditionally#about maintaining and upkeeping a ''social order'' (read: the powers that be)#and a Lot of Wilderness Fiction is deeply and maliciously colonialist#so when I say ''the unknown land'' and ''the monster'' I am pretty much speaking From one of those unknown lands#and from the position of one of those monsters#the fear of the monstrous is so very often the fear of being consumed by - or becoming - the monstrous yourself#and well. when you're already there in the eye of the zeitgeist. You Can Do What You Want Forever#all that to say it Is important to me that baron is made of riz's lies. even more so in this funny class swap thing I make for fun#like as a horror protag he makes me insane. he loves lines! he loves lines he drew himself. he replicates these borders in himself#that mirror the world he lives in that's so hostile to him. that kid Loves rules. he bows to even the ones that hurt him#like. u get where I'm getting to right I did make a whole comic kinda near this subject he's Already The Other#baron is a monster's monster. baron is a mirror image. GODs I cant help but wish they were messier#it's kinda why I make class swap baron to be like. an ever nearing realization. like I warble abt all this but I genuinely do also find#canon baron to be just as visually coherent and thematically perfect as riz if not more. it's hard to beat how cool the mirror stuff is#it's hard to beat that doll face in iconic visuals! I have to strike according to my strength rather than trying to beat canon#so instead of reflection it's captured moments. instead of a blank face it's the lack of one. mmm. maybe I'm just kinda breaking things#for fun also but that's My prerogative in my house awooga <3#well. thats kinda my thoughts on the general subject. thank u for listening. I will bake something soon dyou want some
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Gonna say it again, "Just stop consuming the genre" is THE WORST POSSIBLE RESPONSE to someone complaining about the lack of representation in their preferred genre!! And "Consume other stuff too" is not much better!!! I don't care how much you think varying media consumption is a Good and Holy lifestyle, not everyone wants to do that! There is no obligation to do that and there should not be! Because it's fucking entertainment. It's not a college major.
And! And and and. I would be remiss to not point out that when you tell someone, "If you want well written (minority) just get out of (genre fandom)" you are, regardless of your motivations, rhetorically aligning yourself with the exact same bigots who just want the pro-representation crowd to shut up and go away.
#I don't know how people can say “shonen is written for teen boys so obviously you're the idiot for wanting good rep from it”#as if teen boys don't also deserve stories with well-written diverse casts??#as if the poor reactions they often have to diversity are just inherent to their boyish nature and not a result of a widespread lack of rep#as if diverse casts in popular media aren't A PROVEN WAY to reduce implicit biases against groups of people on a very large scale#you people are dogs. how can you unironically say “this genre was made for teen boys so everyone else should stfu and gtfo”#and not immediately see that you've just aligned yourself with the actually bad people in the fandom#these stances also perfectly miss the point of “I love this genre and want to see a flaw in it corrected” because they are overwhelmingly..#...written by people who do not love the genre in question and are not interested in loving the genre#like yeah ultimately I understand that most of these posts don't give a true shit about helping people find rep in media#their main purpose 99% of the time is to publicly gloat about their supposedly superior media fixations#It's a real autism on autism violence (internet style) so I find it contemptible in a way that pulls all the muscles of my face downwards#“haw haw read another book (the ones I incidentally find engaging) and stop reading your dumb idiot books (the ones you find engaging)”#you can actually shut up tho that's the thing#you can just not say anything and make the world a better place Luigi Marioparty style#it's a wonderful strategy to use#if you've read through all these tags then 1. I thank you and 2. I have a little request if you're willing to give me more thought & time:#try to pay close attention the next few times you're talking about broad media fandoms which you aren't a part of#watch those little twinges in your chest and ask yourself#“is what I'm saying true? do I actually know enough to say that? what is the point of what I'm saying here? what do I want these ppl to do?#I think we all get caught up in Media Gloating sometimes#if you find that your thoughtless comments become concerning after you put thought into them#maybe it's time to not make them#or to even (as a totally random example) make a post arguing AGAINST those comments#because guess what? your bad take there was probably not yours alone; I'd wager 1000 other similar people have made similar takes#but they're not all gonna reflect on that unprompted; that's where you can come in#shonen#lgbtq representation#female representation#representation in media#queer representation
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you know that episode really fucked me up this morning
#jo in the tardis*#i would talk about franco mari but i can't.#in many ways lila is the middle ground between franco and pasquale.#i would elaborate but it feels too personal and unsettling to me#lila is both the disillusioned revolutionary and a slave to her ideals and ancestry#i love elena and lila... every other character exists as a single political movement and they can never pick one to identify with entirely#BALKANGIRLCORE. SORRY.#also enzo is interesting in this regard because while he does nurture the same ideals and pasquale essentially#he will always pick a specific person over these convictions. and i think both of his parents dying earlier than most of the others#is an underlying reflection of that in some sense. like he has the ability to see beyond preconditions of heritage#which is why being arrested on the assumption based on generational and historical cycles is so tragic for him#this trait he has is exactly why lila is able to come close to fulfilling her childhood dream of changing things with him specifically#and that is also why she cares about him. because she cares about people who exist in contradiction to her understanding of reality#and people who will potentially help her bring that reality closer to the contradiction#lila is an idealist and she loves people who make an argument that she can be one and exist in this world#this is prompted by franco's death sorry. nobody offered that argument to him.#lila isn't disillusioned consistently not only because it's against her nature but also because she finds#reasons not to be. largely inspired by other people even if she reads them incorrectly (nino)#although i do think nino is more compelling if you view his boyish notions as somewhat honest#the desire not to be his father and all that. it makes him even more evil in the aftermath#i think lila sensed an ounce of that innocence in him and made an excuse for her own with it#she thought they were young in the same way. and of course that was her lifeline as a girl married at 17#this is so inconsistent sorry sorry sorry... not projecting at all#lila cerullo 🫀#l'amica geniale#ferranteposting
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I love Time and Time Again!! It was genuinely interesting to see two characters talk things out. Of course they kept secrets, but they knew when to reveal them and that made me want to stick around and read it. Thankyou for making such a wonderful comic!!
Thank you so much!!!
This really means a lot to me <3
I think there's generally a tendency to believe that relationships can't be nice in a romance or the story will be boring.
I understand where this idea comes from, stories should have conflict! And, real world relationships have conflict, as well. They always will! It makes sense that most stories centered around relationships would, inevitably, at some point, have disagreements, fights, anger...
I get why others enjoy it, its messy it's fun it's drama! but for me personally it just stresses me out since I've done so much work to NOT be like that!
As a writer, when presented with two people who are reasonably at odds with eachother, where neither of them is in the wrong per se, but someone still ends up hurt... it's a fun challenge to write them working through it in a believable way. it's a fun challenge, too, to put them into situations that feel equal and human.
I just think it's a necessary thing for who I am as a person to write relationships the way I do, and so I'm just very very very glad that other people resonate with it as well!
It means a lot. Thank you.
#me trying not to ramble on for paragraphs impossible challenge#asks#anon#I always love to talk about how uhhh#the perceptions we have of how relationships should be displayed#idk I dont think that theres any one way to do it#those relationships where people dont communicate and they fight all the time...#those happen. they happen all the time irl.#of course they would be reflected in fiction constantly!#but just for me personally#after YEARS and years and years of working on myself so I dont do that#I pause. think the best of my partner before jumping to conclusions.#take the moment to ask him hey#has anything been bothering you lately? things have been good but I want to be sure there's not little things I've done to hurt you#and i listen when hes telling me that yes. it did bother him when I made that joke the other day actually#and to learn to be patient#and not cry immediately#and listen#and ask instead of assuming#and always think the best thoughts first or whatever#its done me a world of good#and I dont think it is healthy for me personally as a person to write an unhealthy relationship with poor communication#because I get uhm... extremely invested in my writing...#in the way that it very much helps me learn about myself and practice habits.#cause obviously I still fail. of course I will#and I just would like to get as much practice as I can#of being better#for me and for him#and for all my friends
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I strongly believe no movement (or any action really) of substance can avoid making some people uncomfortable. And it shouldnt aim to either, to defang itself into a perfect acceptable smile for mass appeal. What change would you even make then...
#'any choice a woman makes is feminist because a woman made it' do you hear yourself...#im just a bit tired of everything. more than a bit. whatever#i believe in the power of inspiring to reflect on one's self through being confronted with uncomfortable topics#even approached in a crude way#whatevaaaa#i cant think too much about the world or other people or society lest i start despairing and praying for asteroids to hit us#i already do that#but still#really curious if meds will do anything. they wont. but oh well
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"huh whuhhh youre such a stupid child if you think fiction can influence reality its just fiction its escapism youre so stupid for thinking it influences reality" they say as I get added on antishipper lists for saying I do not want people who romanticize incest or racism near me.
i tab back into my paper on the way art was used to further propagate orientalism in the west after i see another wave of mostly-white self proclaimed leftists on social media mindlessly jerk it to sexy bellydancer outfit art, meanwhile they care not a bit for dying brown and black people in our very real world because those people are apparently just meant to be either terorrists, rapists or sexy slave fantasies in their mind.
Surely there can be no correlation between portrayal and real world systems of oppression. Surely. It's childish to think art holds any harmful notion of the author and it's culture, right? Let's go back to our escapism where those annoying minority groups don't complain, and instead fulfill their roles as villains or porn material. It's escapism, right?
#This is sarcasm btw#Orientalism#Racism#You people are embarassing and have clearly not read historic analysis or listened to people of minority groups worse off than you if you#Seriously think that fiction doesnt reflect bigotry at all. Its the first fucking thing you learn studying history that the authors biases#Influence a text LMFAO?#No this is not 'if thing in the text = the author means it literally'. You know that. Stop going from one extreme to the other to disregard#The lived experiences of minority groups. Theres nuance in this like everything else. That doesnt conflict with anything i said above#Things are not made in vacuums and once you share things to the world the world's biases will interact with a piece of art#SOCIETY.#Dangerous thing to rant about on this site but oh well
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Still unwell about Rilke and PH
I love the dark hours of my being.
My mind deepens into them.
There I can find, as in old letters,
the days of my life, already lived,
and held like a legend, and understood.
Then the knowing comes: I can open
to another life that's wide and timeless.
So I am sometimes like a tree
rustling over a gravesite
and making real the dream
of the one its living roots
embrace:
a dream once lost
among sorrows and songs.
#There's in Rilke and especially in this particular book a lot about the world‚ created in the beholding and loving it‚#and one existing to love the world. There's so much about the world being created by that loving and knowing the world of one individual#person that loves and knows it. A kind of feedback loop of existing and being by love and knowledge that is all a participation#on the act of creation. The person coming to exist to love and know the world‚ and creating the world by loving and beholding it#This is also present on Juan Ramón Jiménez‚ among others‚ but 5 yo me was obsessed with those poems. ANYWAY#This topic made me think of Lacie a lot but in this particular poem that topic + the 'I'm sorry' scene + the figure of Lacie beyond Lacie‚#a Lacie that's legend and real‚ a Lacie always sitting under a tree‚ life ending and life expanding so to speak‚...#That kind of knowing it all in a glimpse that is knowing in an instant and eternal (which again reminds me of Kierkegaard‚#fitting I'd say with Rilke). I'm explaining myself terribly but I don't want to talk too much haha But yeah it all seemed very fitting#There was another poem about spiralling so to speak around god that I also thought was very Lacie but very PH in general#('I live my life in widening circles / that reach out across the world. / I may not complete this last one / but I give myself to it /#I circle around God‚ around the primordial tower. / I've been circling for thousands of years / and I still don't know: am I a falcon‚ /#a storm or a great song?'). The spiralling around god in what is still some sort of emanence or reflection of it while being also#different iterations of the self which all reflect it also reminded me a lot of Cantor's transfinite numbers#Which again is quite fitting and coherent with the other authors and PH imo‚ but I may be biased. Anyway yes. This reminded me of Lacie#I didn't plan on drawing anything at first and now I have to flinch to read the poem#I hope I'll recognise enough of what I've written when I eventually come back to this#I talk too much#I should probably delete this later#mine*
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"But if I was gone tomorrow, won't the waves crash on?" ✧・゚
The outskirts of the universe holds very little life, let alone planets. In the furthest galaxy, furthest from it's nucleus, lies a lonely system constantly threatened by monsters that hide in the darkness of space. The world that is home to the Marai in this system, struggles against every onslaught from these monsters, and it's people have hidden deep in their oceans. Despite their independant attempts to rally against the evil forces, The Star Guardians have been the most powerful defense in keeping them alive against these enormous threats. So much so, that they are heralded as heroes and loved worldwide. Many young Marai train in the hope of being chosen to next defend their world - the galaxy - and drive back the darkness.
Nami was one of these young Marai. She and her friends all trained together, though most days it would be closer to playing than anything serious. So when the time came that the First Star offered them all the chance at their dreams, Nami, Loto, Ai'la and siblings Tama and Rasho, all accepted with pride and awe. Taking their oaths, the team was naïve but heartfelt, lead by the confident but calm Rasho. And all too eagerly they swam into battle against the monsters that threaten their home and lives!
But these battles were more arduous than their playful training had ever been. Their first battle at the surface of their home was a chilling reality to what their new responsibilities truly meant. Every call to action was a new test of their once close-knit bonds; Nami second-guessing herself when she and Rasho bumped heads, Loto taking the grunt of the monster's forces alone, Ai'la unable to hold her own, Tama failing to bring everyone together as the voice of reason, and Rasho falling short of what the team needed in a captain. Every conflict was a struggle for the young team, and tensions between all of them were strained to a dangerous level. But every single time things got to a breaking point, Nami was able to rally everyone back together with her unflinching belief in all of them.
In a strenuous battle to push back a wave on monsters getting far too close to an underwater city, Rasho is caught in a shoal of monsters, unable to lead the team. But with Nami stepping up to the role, not only is he saved, but the monsters are driven back, and the rest of the team is in high spirits after the victory for once. It is then that all of Rasho's feelings erupt froth. Of fretting that he was unfit as their captain, and that they would all be better Guardians without him holding them back. Before any of his team can argue against these hurtful thoughts, Rasho falls.
His despair at failing his team again and again had been hidden deep down until it overpowered his resolve. Despite all of the Guardian's attempts to rush to his aid, Rasho pulled the city down with him, and their attention went instead to saving civilians and stopping the entire city's collapse. When the sands finally settled, there was no sign of their fallen teammate; neither of his escape or remains in the rubble before it gave way to a deep, oceanic trench. They all wanted to find Rasho. To search the entire ocean for him, to bring him home and save him. But the monster from above were always relentless, and demanded the Guardian's attentions or suffer their world being overridden.
Nami has taken up the mantle as her now smaller groups captain, and tries her best to keep morale high, their world safe, and to keep up the search for Rasho. But they all feel the pressure, and all four of their lights are just not enough to drive back the darkness forever. Solemnly, Nami has taken on one more responsibility; calling out to the other Star Guardian's of the universe to seek their help. She ventures out from her home, as far as she needs, in the hopes of finding a willing, new friend from the stars above. But she never dwells for too long, always returning home to lead her team, and one day, hopefully, with a new light to join them.
#🔱 floating from a different world ⚬ star guardian#i was going to put the fun lil bio and other info here but... its too long... ill make another one thats shorter hfdgjk#i did so much editing to the top banner hskafsgh flipped it. tried so hard to make it look like it was reflected in water....#edited out shiros round head & made the stars match namis... remaining team... :')#and did the same latter edit to the smaller banner u.u#if you see a typo no you dont. i will find it 2 weeks later dont worry#i will make little bios for her teammates and familiars too. might make the small bio post the sg info hub#and will post designs when theyre ready!#long post /
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.
#a friend announced they are pre-engaged#which#as someone who has been pre-engaged i simply cannot recommend#but also if you're so pumped as to tell the whole musical cast you're probably in a good spot with it where i really wasn't#but anyway this came right on the heels of me reflecting on that relationship#and i was like#i would not have immediately pegged those two as dating i don't pick up Chemistry#but i can see a deep deep care between them#and i thought to myself that feels like a permanent relationship#so to hear news of pre-engagement i was like haha another validation in my prophesy pocket#and i told my bf#and it made him a little sad bc i can confidently say other people have permanent vibes#but i cannot confidently say that about us#and it's fuckin true but it's a bummer#and like suicidal ideation that makes planning difficult aside#i realized this evening#i don't think i have ever seen a long-term relationship that i would like to emulate#at least nothing close up#so many patterns in the western het world that i sincerely do not want any part of#and it's not any blatant lack of trust it's just that we're normal enough people#it would be easy enough to fall into those inequitable patterns#go read that essay 'i want a wife' you know we all know#and this is dangerous to say on the tumblr dot com#but it's one of the reasons i have felt so connected to queerness as i grow up#never has the husband-wife dynamic held any appeal whatsoever#and it's so scary to be told and told thru church and media#here's the pattern here's the aspiration you want this right? good cool cool good
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5 years ago, I was in Rehab.
10 years ago, I was watching my Potential and Opportunities dissolve and evaporate in an ocean of cheap gin and expensive whiskey.
But 5 years ago, I was in Rehab.
One of the exercises they had us perform was to imagine ourselves happy, 5 years in the future.
Many of us in that room had forgotten how to imagine nice things happening to them. A few snorted (well, I snorted), finding the notion that we’d even still be around in 5 years grimly humorous.
For about half of us, it was the last stop on the way down.
But I indulged the therapist. I was there, after all, because I did not want to die. So, I imagined myself, 5 years hence.
Happy.
It came to me all at once; an artistic remix on Norman Rockwell’s Freedom From Want, reframed with myself placing food at the table.
Sunday Dinner At My Place, I answered, when it came my turn to share my fantasy. I was asked what food I imagined eating.
It’s not the meal itself, I said, it’s the implications framed around it. Sunday Dinner At My Place means that I have a Place. It means that I have Family that will actually speak to me and friends who actually want to see me. It means money enough not just to feed myself but others too. It means having the time to spare to take the time preparing the meal.
A lot of nodding heads all around me. A struck chord. Many people with no Place, in that place. Nowhere that would lament their leaving.
5 years hence, as I lay down to sleep in my Home, with my Wife and my Son, surrounded by my Art and my Flowers, I reflect.
It was a long road. It was hard. We lost people. So many people. There were long days and long nights and hospital stays. Angry arguments with ghosts. I changed, in ways I never hoped for, or expected. Good ways, finally, for once. Slowly, against the backdrop of a world in chaos, I found my mind.
Sometimes, My Wife wondered aloud, what she did to deserve me. After some stumbling with my feelings, I eventually settled on an answer.
I’m a Rescue.
She gave me a Home.
And, so, I gave her a Family.
It seemed fair
This Sunday, my folks, which whom I have not had a shouting match in years, will come over for dinner. We will cook and eat together. My Friend became My Wife, and she took a piece of me and with it she made Our Son. There will be many hugs, and no violence. Good Things Happened.
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t know what the future holds.
don’t give up yet, ok?
It could get good, even.
#troglodyte thoughts#tales from Real Life#cw addiction#cw alcohol#sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an approaching train#run#fight#hide#SURVIVE#do not go into the light#there are unpet dogs#and unhugged children#and unseen sunsets#and maybe even love#even for a wretch like me#the best part of your life might be old age#you don’t know
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you don’t really realize you’re growing old with satoru until you spot a grey tress inside the roots of your hair as you’re looking in the mirror. the thing about marriage and life itself was that time really doesn’t stop—for no one. as you entrap the lock between your fingers, you murmur out to satoru with a cheeky grin. “satoru baby, c’mere.”and as he’s lying in bed with a wrinkled nose, he reads some book titled ‘three men in a boat.’ as he flips a thick page, his cerulean blue reading glasses crook down the bridge of his nose before he turns his attention toward you.
“yesss, honey?” he rubs his eyes, bringing a palm up to his growing stubble. as he got older, you noticed how he moved a bit slower. satoru was still fit as he aged, but he’d have a bit of a waddle whenever he walked. it was cute—how his limbs were getting more and more fragile, but he was still labeled as the strongest despite his inevitable aging.
he makes his way behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist. the two of you make eye contact through the mirror that reflects you both, a happy married couple. “look, we’re finally matching now,” and his face softens once you bring the silvery colored strand up to his view. ‘matching,’ because his hair was naturally a snowy white . . almost similar to the strand of hair you just showed him.
although as the years progressed, satoru was growing ashen grey streaks too.
“i guess we are,” he replied in a gentle tone, his hands remaining on your hips. satoru’s touch was always gentle and ginger. he presses his lips near the back of your nape before letting off a soft sigh. “you’d look pretty with white hair, actually.”
“prettier than you?” you hum, glancing at him through the mirror. satoru towers over you as he holds you, the band of his wedding ring grazing against your hip.
again, you watch as the corners of his lips crease into a smile. a toothy genuine one where his dimples show.
“haha, veeeery funny,” and as he buries his face into your neck, he deeply ponders to himself for a moment.
to think . . how much time has passed, out of all the countless tiresome battles he’s had to face—
all those years at trying to keep the world safe and now, he could finally relax. having his arms around you gave him a peace of mind, and in the end it was all worth it because at the end of the day, satoru gojo—the strongest, came back to you. you were his personal safe haven and he was yours.
“but honeyyy,” he yawns with rosy pouty lips, shifting his chin up to rest against your left shoulder. satoru starts leading you toward your side of the bed. “ ‘s pretty late, let’s getcha back to bed, hm?”
“okay,” you mumble, already feeling your eyes starting to get heavy again. satoru’s still got his burly arms wrapped around your waist as he leisurely guides you back to bed. he was clingy, and that never changed. satoru gojo’s always been clingy ever since the two of you met. as he pulls down the cover for you to enter, you crawl back in and he gets beside you.
satoru slings an arm around you, pulling you close as his hooded eyes starts a staring contest with the swaying wooden ceiling fan.
it’s moving slow. . just like time was.
whenever he was with you, it felt as if time stood still. and as the both of you cuddled against each other with your head resting against his beating heart, he sighs. it’s a content happy sigh, and satoru’s hands find their way near the top of your head. his thin fingers maze it’s way near your soft grey growing strand before he leans in, giving the crown of your head a goodnight kiss. “mwah,” and he watches as your eyes briefly widen before glancing away, growing sheepish. “get some rest, my love. i’ll be here when you wake up. promise.”
you nod, too drowsy to reply and he pulls you closer. satoru’s heartbeat was steady and slow, and each pulse that bested against your ear made you felt more and more protected. as he holds you firm and close, a hand of his softly caresses your forehead—brushing against the soft hairs that cling onto your skin.
as your breathing starts to relax and your eyelids finally close, he realizes you finally drifted off to sleep. satoru exhales lowly, almost forgetting to take off his reading glasses. as he places them near the nightstand, he lies back down, giving your sleeping state once last glance.
“i love you,” he whispers against your ear before reaching for the pearled lamp switch. “so much.”your head nuzzles against his chest and he assumes that was your non-verbal way of saying it back, even in your sleep. cute.
the only sounds that could be heard were the faint tick tocking of the grandfather clock that stood near the hallway and your soft breathing as you deeply slept. satoru feels a smile tugging against his glossed lips yet again, but this time it’s different . .
it’s not the same smile from when you showed him that you were graying, it was a more genuine smile that was satisfied at everything—primarily at life. satoru’s long crystalline lashes gradually flap shut as he smiles to himself, a thumb brushing against your forehead. all those battles was worth it in the end, because right now, he’s at the only place he wanted to be . . with you.
life wasn’t a competition, but satoru finally felt at peace, true peace—and that peace was being in your presence. he wasn’t one for believing in good endings, but maybe this particular one wasn’t so bad.
“i . . won.”
#★vegasbaby.#pluto projector inspired me 😞#gojo x reader#gojo x you#gojo satoru x reader#gojo fluff#gojo satoru x you#jjk fluff#gojo satoru#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen fluff
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SACRILEGIOUS DEVOTION [1/3]
ship: father charlie x fem!nun!reader warnings: nsfw 🔞 (oral sex/f. receiving; overstimulation; coercion/dub-con?; sacrilege, heavy religious imagery) word count: 3.6k a/n: So, Father Charlie is out here losing all his morals and sanity on Grotesquerie and my mind couldn't help but match it, so what's a better idea other than channeling all the religious trauma/journey into a spicy one-shot? i for one feel like it's a mini-therapy, but enough rambling, enjoy 😩🫶🏾 i'm in love with a holy man, mother 😔…. second part: 𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐃𝐄𝐕𝐎𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 and final part: 𝐃𝐀𝐌𝐍𝐄𝐃 𝐃𝐄𝐕𝐎𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍
★·.·´ɢʀᴏᴛᴇsǫᴜᴇʀɪᴇ 🇲🇦🇸🇹🇪🇷🇱🇮🇸🇹`·.·★
Father Charlie Mayhew was a sick man.
Not in the manner of flesh, but of spirit. He could feel the sickness festering in the quiet corners of his heart, a sinful yearning that had taken root there, twisting itself around his thoughts like creeping ivy.
It was a sickness that, he believed, made him a grotesque parody of the holy man he was meant to be. For how could he call himself righteous, devoted, when every whisper of prayer felt stained by the way his eyes followed you, Sister ____?
You were a vision of purity, an embodiment of the kind of gentle devotion that Father Charlie envied and craved all at once.
He watched you from a distance, always careful not to draw your gaze, afraid of what you might see if you looked too deeply. How dutiful you were, sweeping the church aisle with a focus that made him forget the dust and see only the graceful motion of your hands.
The sun, filtered through stained glass, seemed to seek you out, casting colors on your habit as if to mark you as someone far beyond his grasp, almost holy in your mundane tasks.
It was in the mornings, when he heard the soft chime of your laughter in the courtyard as you fed the pigeons, that he felt the deepest sting of his wretchedness.
The world seemed simpler in those moments, your laughter echoing off the stone walls, the warmth of early sun painting the sky in soft pinks and oranges. He wondered if you knew how your kindness drew even the animals to you, their heads dipping into your palms as if receiving communion.
There was a stillness to you, a gentleness in every gesture.
The worst of it was during your services. Father Charlie had seen you on your knees before, hands folded in earnest prayer, your lips moving softly as you whispered your devotion to God.
He would stand at the back of the chapel, watching with a mixture of awe and something far darker. He told himself it was admiration, but the truth festered beneath that facade.
It was longing, a hunger that ached at the edges of his soul.
A storm raged outside the convent one evening, winds battering the church walls with a fury that mirrored the tempest building in his chest. The clouds were bloated, dark as his thoughts, and thunder rolled across the sky with a violence that shook even the faith he held so dear.
You had come to his chambers in the dead of night, your knock barely audible over the howling wind. He had been preparing for bed, freshly out of the shower, wearing only his boxers when he heard you at the door.
The creak of the old wood seemed to echo forever as he opened it, and there you stood, eyes wide, looking so impossibly fragile in the dim candlelight of the corridor. Your modest night slip clung to your form, the thin fabric shifting in the draft that sneaked in from the hallway.
Charlie's breath had caught in his throat at the sight of you, innocence incarnate, seeking refuge with him.
He hesitated for only a moment before allowing you in, quickly wrapping himself in a silk robe that hung loosely on his shoulders, barely tied. He knew he should not let you enter, but there was something in the way you looked at him—so trusting, so devoted—that made him abandon every rational thought.
You had come asking to pray with him, your soft voice trembling as you spoke. The storm outside seemed like a reflection of the turmoil within him as he let you step past the threshold, closing the door behind you.
Now, you were here, kneeling before him, your eyes upturned and wide, waiting for his command, for his instruction like the obedient servant of God that you were.
Your soft voice brought him out of his thoughts, a gentle, "Father...?"
Charlie could only lament to himself how sinfully pure you looked. He hummed softly, his eyes dark as they trailed over you, lingering on the curve of your shoulders, the delicate line of your neck.
The flickering candlelight cast dancing shadows across your skin, highlighting the innocence that made his hunger all the more unbearable.
"Yes, forgive me, Sister. Let us now pray," he finally said, his voice low and rough, the words nearly swallowed by the sound of the wind outside. He reached out, his fingers brushing against your forehead, and you leaned into the touch without hesitation, your eyes closing as if his hand was a blessing.
He swallowed hard, his thoughts spiraling deeper into the forbidden desires he had tried so desperately to keep buried.
He began to pray, his voice low, raspy, each word a struggle against the chaos inside him. "Heavenly Father, we come before you tonight..." But the words felt hollow, their meaning slipping away as he watched you, kneeling so obediently at his feet.
His eyes darkened, wandering further down, tracing the lines of your form. The way your lashes fluttered against your cheeks, the soft rise and fall of your chest with each breath—it all seemed to pull him further from the sanctity of the moment.
He should have been thinking of God, of salvation, of the purity of the prayer—but instead, he was thinking of you, of the way the thin fabric clung to your skin, the soft curve of your breasts visible through the modest slip.
He licked his lips, his gaze fixed on the delicate line of your collarbone, the way it rose and fell with each breath you took.
The more he spoke, the less the words mattered. He could feel the heat rising in his chest, spreading through his body, his thoughts growing more erratic, each word of the prayer slipping further from its sacred meaning, twisting into something profane, something filthy. "Protect us from all evil..." he whispered as he traced the line of your jaw with his thumb, the words a bitter irony as he felt himself drawn further into the darkness of his desires.
His hand moved lower, fingers trailing down your neck, lingering at the hollow of your throat. His touch was gentle, but there was a weight behind it, a hunger that he could no longer deny.
He could almost see the curve of your bare skin beneath the thin fabric, the outline of your body that he should not be imagining. He tried to focus on the prayer, but every word felt like a lie. He let out a shaky breath, the prayer faltering on his lips. "Guide us... guide us in your light," he managed, his voice thick with the weight of his longing.
The storm outside raged on, the wind howling as if to warn him, but Father Charlie could no longer hear it. All he could hear was the pounding of his own heart, the rush of blood in his ears as he looked down at you, so trusting, so willing.
As the final words of the prayer fell from his lips—"Amen"—you echoed him, your voice soft and unwavering. You blinked open your eyes, looking up at him with such innocence and Charlie felt himself slip past the point of no return.
He knew that no amount of prayer could ever cleanse him of what he wanted, that he could no longer pretend, no longer fight against the pull that drew him to you—the sweet, precious nun who had unknowingly captured his very soul.
Father Charlie stood, his robe slipping slightly from his shoulders, exposing the toned muscle beneath. The wind howled outside, and thunder bellowed again, followed by a flash of lightning that lit the room in a brief, startling blaze of white.
You were still kneeling before him, your wide eyes following his every movement, the flickering light casting you in both shadow and radiance.
Charlie bent at the waist, his fingers reaching out to cup your jaw, thumb caressing your bottom lip as his half-lidded eyes trailed over your face. "Sister ____," he murmured, his voice dripping with a twisted kind of affection, his name for you almost reverent, as though you were something sacred, something he could worship in his own unholy way.
You blinked, shifting slightly beneath his touch, a soft stutter escaping your lips. "F-Father...?"
He grasped one of your hands, his fingers wrapping around yours, and as he stood, he gently urged you to rise with him. His gaze never left your face, his eyes dark and full of something raw. He began to speak, his voice barely more than a murmur, the words heavy with confession. "As a man of God, there are expectations placed upon me," he started, his tone wavering between remorse and something darker, something that made his grip on your hand tighten. "I am meant to guide, to protect, to remain steadfast in my faith."
His other hand moved, slowly pulling your trembling hand against his bare stomach, pressing your palm against the hard planes of his abdomen.
You gasped, your eyes wide as you looked up at him, your hand trembling beneath his. The heat of his skin burned into your palm, the muscles flexing beneath your touch.
Charlie continued, his voice lowering, growing more intense as he spoke. "But these days... these days, Sister, I find myself at war. At war with desires that threaten to consume me..." His words trailed off, and he let out a low hum as he rubbed your hand across his stomach, the movement slow, deliberate.
Your hand hesitated for a moment, the warmth of his skin making you tremble as you instinctively pulled back. But his grip was firm, guiding you back, and slowly, tentatively, your fingers splayed across his stomach, your touch feather-light.
You swallowed hard, your eyes flickering down before you took a timid step closer, as if drawn by some invisible force. Your gaze shifted to the side, your cheeks warming with embarrassment at the proximity, at the way you could feel his heart beating beneath your palm.
Father Charlie's eyes never left you, and he could see every ounce of hesitation, every flicker of uncertainty that danced across your face. He leaned in slightly, his breath brushing against your forehead as he spoke, his voice a low murmur, "There's no need to be afraid, Sister. You are safe here... with me."
You blinked, your lashes fluttering as you dared to look up at him, your eyes meeting his through the veil of uncertainty.
There was something in his gaze, something dark and magnetic that pulled at you, made your pulse race. His thumb brushed the edge of your jaw; the touch almost comforting, but there was an intensity behind it that made you shiver.
"Do you trust me?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper, his eyes searching yours.
You nodded slowly, not trusting your voice to speak, your fingers trembling slightly against his skin. He smiled, a slow, almost predatory curve of his lips, and he hummed again, satisfied with your silent answer.
His other hand moved to rest against the small of your back, pulling you just a little bit closer, his robe parting further, exposing more of his chest.
Your breath hitched as you felt the distance between you closing, the way his body seemed to envelop yours. You could barely think, your mind clouded with the storm of emotions and the strange, electric pull you felt toward him.
His thumb traced along your bottom lip, his eyes darkening as he watched you. You felt your pulse quicken, your knees weakening under the intensity of his gaze.
"Good girl," he murmured, his voice a mix of praise and something darker, something that made your heart pound even harder. His words sent a shiver down your spine, and you felt your body react, leaning in just slightly, as if craving more of his warmth, his touch.
His fingers trailed lower, coaxing your hand along his body, and you felt the tension, the desire in every muscle. He leaned in closer, his lips brushing against your ear, his voice a husky whisper, "Let me show you, Sister ____... let me show you what devotion truly means."
He kissed you then, his lips crashing against yours like a man starved. His mouth moved hungrily, tasting, devouring, and you felt his tongue lick into your mouth, coaxing a soft, surprised whimper from your throat. His groan vibrated against your lips, the sound raw and desperate.
Your head spun, your senses overwhelmed by the taste of him, the sheer need in his kiss.
You pulled back, gasping for air, your lips tingling from the force of his kiss. He didn't give you a moment to recover; his lips moved to your neck, pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses along the sensitive skin.
He nipped at your neck, his teeth grazing just enough to make you gasp, to make your knees weaken beneath you. The heat of his mouth trailed down, his tongue flicking out to soothe each small bite, and you felt your body trembling, a warmth pooling low in your belly.
Charlie's hands were relentless, holding you steady as your body threatened to give out, your knees buckling as his mouth worked against your skin. He pulled back only long enough to whisper your name, his voice thick with something between reverence and hunger.
Before you knew it, he had scooped you up, his arms strong and sure as he carried you towards his bed. Your breath hitched, your fingers clinging to his robe as he moved, each step filled with purpose.
He set you down on the edge of the bed, the mattress dipping beneath your weight. His eyes roamed over you, dark and filled with desire, his chest rising and falling with each ragged breath.
Father Charlie moved quickly, his hands deft as he pushed your slip off your shoulders, the fabric sliding down your skin and pooling around your waist. His lips followed the path of the falling slip, pressing soft, lingering kisses along your shoulders, his warm breath fanning across your skin.
You shivered beneath his touch, the cool air of the room prickling at your exposed skin, your nipples pebbling in response.
His eyes darkened at the sight of you, and he let out a low groan, his hands running along your bare arms, feeling the way you trembled beneath him. "You're like a goddess," he murmured, his voice thick with reverence and lust. "Perfect. Untouched. A temptation I can't resist." His lips found your collarbone, kissing, nipping, his words vibrating against your skin.
You felt heat rise in your cheeks, your heart pounding as his lips moved lower, trailing down the center of your chest, his hands spreading across your back, urging you to arch into him. His kisses were relentless, each one making your breath catch, making your body react in ways that felt both unfamiliar and thrilling.
You couldn't stop the soft whimper that escaped your lips, your hands clutching at the sheets beneath you, unsure of what to do, where to touch.
Charlie pulled back for a moment, his eyes locking onto yours, his gaze filled with hunger. He pushed you back against the bed, guiding you to lie down, his hands never leaving your body, his touch possessive, as if he couldn't bear to be without contact. He looked down at you, splayed out before him, your slip barely covering you, and he licked his lips, his eyes raking over every inch of your exposed skin.
"Look at you," he whispered, his voice dripping with a mix of adoration and hunger. "So innocent, so pure... and all mine." He leaned down, his lips capturing yours in a heated kiss, his hands working the slip further down your body, baring you completely to him.
The cool air made you shiver, your body exposed, vulnerable, and you couldn't help the way your legs shifted, instinctively trying to close.
Charlie's hands moved to your knees, gently but firmly pushing them apart, his eyes never leaving your face as he watched your reaction. His lips moved from your mouth, trailing down your jaw to your neck, nipping at the sensitive skin as he groaned against you.
He pulled the slip away entirely, tossing it aside, his hands roaming over your bare skin, mapping every inch as though he were committing you to memory. "You are... perfection," he muttered, his voice strained, filled with a hunger that made your breath hitch.
His lips moved lower, trailing down your body, leaving a heated path across your chest, your stomach, and further down. His hands were strong, keeping your legs pinned open to the bed, his fingers pressing into your thighs with a possessive hold. He kissed along your inner thighs, his warm breath fanning over your skin, making you shiver, anticipation coiling in your belly.
You instinctively tried to scoot back, to move away as you felt his breath getting closer to your core, but Charlie's grip tightened, his hands holding you firmly in place. He looked up at you, his eyes dark, almost predatory, as he whispered, "Stay still, Sister... let me worship you."
He breathed you in, a deep, satisfied groan rumbling from his chest. His eyes fluttered shut for a moment, as if savoring the scent of you, and then he leaned in, his tongue licking a slow, deliberate stripe from your entrance to your clit.
A squeal, half surprise and half pleasure, escaped your lips, your back arching slightly off the bed.
Father Charlie's tongue moved with a purpose, his lips wrapping around your clit, sucking gently before flicking his tongue over the sensitive bud. His hands kept your legs spread, his grip firm and unyielding as he worked his mouth against you, his groans vibrating against your core.
He was relentless, his mouth moving with a hunger that made your head spin, your fingers gripping the sheets beneath you, trying to ground yourself as waves of pleasure washed over you.
You could feel his smooth skin against your inner thighs, the sensation only adding to the overwhelming pleasure that built inside you. His tongue moved in slow, teasing circles, his lips pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses against you, his eyes flicking up to watch your every reaction.
The sight of you—your flushed cheeks, your parted lips, the way your chest heaved with every ragged breath—only seemed to spur him on, his groans growing louder as he tasted you.
Your body reacted before your mind could catch up, your hips bucking against his mouth, a whimper slipping from your lips. Charlie's hands moved to hold your hips down, pinning you to the bed as he continued, his tongue delving into you, his nose brushing against your clit as he worked, utterly consumed by the taste of you.
He was lost in it, in you, his tongue moving faster, his mouth desperate as he devoured you.
You gasped, your fingers threading through his hair, pulling him closer, your body trembling beneath him. The heat built inside you, coiling tighter and tighter, until you felt like you might break apart. His name fell from your lips, a breathless plea, and he groaned in response, the vibrations sending a shockwave of pleasure through you.
Your back arched off the bed, your breath coming in short, desperate gasps as you felt yourself teetering on the edge, your body ready to fall apart under his touch.
Your first orgasm washed over you without warning, a blinding wave of pleasure that left you feeling weightless, your entire body trembling as you came undone beneath him. You melted into the bed like butter, your limbs going limp as the intensity of it left you breathless.
Charlie's mouth moved against you with a fervent hunger, drinking in every bit of your release as if it were the most sacred offering.
A small whimper escaped your lips as the sensation grew overwhelming, your body growing sensitive to his touch. He didn't stop, his tongue moving lazily, drawing out every last bit of pleasure from you, his mouth still savoring you.
Your grip on his head shifted, your fingers now pushing at him, trying to get him to stop, but his hands only gripped your thighs tighter, keeping you in place. "W-Wait..." The heat in your stomach was already starting to build again, the slow, deliberate movements of his tongue igniting another fire deep within you.
Charlie groaned against you, the sound vibrating through your core, his face buried even further between your legs, his tongue relentless.
Your breath came in quick, shallow gasps, your body trembling once more as the pleasure built. You could feel another orgasm approaching, your mind spinning as you tried to form words, but all that left your throat were broken, incoherent sounds—static that filled the room as you babbled.
You tried to scoot back, to move away from the overwhelming sensation, but Charlie's strong arms wrapped around your hips, yanking you back down, his grip unyielding. His own hips pressed into the bedding below, his desperation evident as he devoured you.
You teetered on the edge once more, the pleasure too much, too intense, until it finally broke over you again, your body arching, your mind going completely blank as you came undone a second time.
The world around you seemed to fade away, leaving only the sensation of his mouth on you, the heat, the pressure, the overwhelming ecstasy that left you gasping for air.
As you came down from your high, your body trembling, Father Charlie finally pulled back, his lips and chin glistening. He stared up at you with dark, lidded eyes, his expression filled with hunger, with desire that seemed insatiable.
There was no hesitation, no regret—only a raw need that made it clear he no longer cared about going against his vows, no longer cared about the priesthood or what was right.
All that mattered to him was you.
A/N: i'm sorry, i just watched Grotesquerie last night and i've become obssessed.... ugh, the tension between father charlie and sister megan is just *chefs kiss* it's clear that megan is obviously meant to be y/n and the screenplay was written in the intent of it being catered to the female gaze because wheeeeww 😩...
#xani-writes: father charlie mayhew fics#grotesquerie#father charlie mayhew#father charlie x reader#father charlie smut#charlie mayhew#priest x nun#nun reader#smut#x reader#naive girl#reader insert#fem reader#x female reader#female reader#one shot#nicholas alexander chavez#charlie mayhew x reader#father Charlie mayhew x reader#nicholas chavez#nicholas alexander chavez x reader#father charlie mayhew x reader#father charlie#nicholas chavez smut#nicholas chavez x reader
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