#madara gets freaky

[uchihamadxra]

Wait, you ARE married? I thought you died as a virgin after living about 50 years in a cave...

i died a warrior. the god of shinobi. of old age. like one does. why are you so intrigued by my virginity? seems like a desperate persuation on your end for me to pop your cherry.

[dark-konohagakure2]

Helloooo! This is my first time requesting something like this so im super nervous .. but do you think you could write something along the lines of madara niece getting married of to him and them consummating (getting freaky deaky) the wedding? Its okay if not, i love your work! ^_^

tw: incest, uncle/niece, noncon, forced marriage, age difference, misogyny, breeding, size difference, cumflation

All characters depicted are 18+

Madara doesn't care about romance in the slightest, much less marriage. He can appreciate taking a woman's body as a spoil of war, but other than that he couldn't care less about such tedious distractions such as women. But as little thought as he puts into the matter, the fact remains that Madara will need an heir soon as head of the Uchiha Clan, and there is only one suitable candidate for birthing his sons.

Madara isn't incredibly close with his niece, he doesn't hate her, but he isn't exactly a doting uncle either. Most of his memories of his niece are of her as a small and meek thing, hiding behind her father Izuna's leg and clinging to her mother's skirt, but now that she's grown older, she has become an attractive young woman, the spitting image of her late father, his precious younger brother, so Madara decides to kill two birds with one stone.

Forcing her hand in marriage is almost top easy, the girl's mother has been in disarray since her husband's death, so the woman sees her only daughter getting married as a good thing for the clan. Even if Madara is the girl's uncle, he is without a doubt the most suitable male for her out of every man in the Uchiha clan, or at least that's the point he'll hammer in.

His niece isn't terribly happy when she receives the news that she'll be getting married, what's worse is that she gets this shocking news at the very last minute, as Madara doesn't even think to tell her about their unconventional 'engagement' until the very day right before their so-called wedding, and he definitely won't be sympathetic to her hysterical woman tears.

"Enough or your shrieking, girl. I've already made my decision and it is final. If you can't even do something as simple as rearing a few children for our clan, then you don't deserve to be called an Uchiha."

The wedding isn't exactly a large one, it'd just the two of them, not even the mother is allowed to attend her own daughter's 'wedding', Madara doesn't need two crying women ruining his special day. The wedding kimono suits his adorably homely niece rather well, but Madara thinks it would suit her much better on his bed, so suffice to say that the marriage ceremony will be rather quick.

Once it's finally done, Madara will practically drag her to his chambers, his cock unbearably hard beneath his wedding robe, he never thought he'd ever be so excited about sinking his cock into a wet cunt, but his niece's tight little Uchiha pussy is just too much of a tempting forbidden fruit for him to resist sinking his teeth into. While his main goal is reproduction, Madara will also be after his own pleasure during this act of consummation.

Madara's cock is long and thick, stretching her virgin walls before he then gets it halfway inside, and when he finally rams his thick meat into her, his leaking tip will immediately and mercilessly bash into her cervix like a battering ram, it would be next to impossible for her to get thoroughly knocked up due to how deeply Madara is penetrating her fertile cunt.

Madara doesn't take any half measures, he wants her swollen with his seed, with his offspring, and he's not going to achieve that by just one measly orgasm inside of her, he's going to cum inside of her as much as possible, fucking his superior seed into her until her flat tummy becomes bloated with the sheer amount of cum that Madara has dumped into her, and even then he's not going to stop enjoying his niece-wife for quite some time.

"Stupid girl, don't pass out on me just yet, weakling. It's only been four rounds and you're already whining and leaking? Pathetic. How did I get burdened with such a weak niece..?"

Madara's opinion on sex won't change too much even after having his way with his new 'wife', but now he's able reach a conclusion; he doesn't have any need for other women and their holes now, since his niece is the only set of holes Madara can imagine himself using for the foreseeable future.

[hibiscusseaart]

random hc that struck me in my head while i was showering. uh it's kinda weird one i think but i keep thinking about more animalistic Hatakes and can't help myself

btw Itama lives AU i love my dude how can i leave him out

so little context: when i was little my mom did some prayer where she whispered it and then licked me from nose to forehead a few times. listen idk what was that but i remembered it i had some ideas

so what if Hatake momma did the same thing with Senju brothers? So imagine Hashirama and Itama understanding that it was some sort of Hatake ritual and kinda moving on. Weird but all rituals are kinda weird.

But Tobirama, our dear autistic Tobirama thought about it like some sort of forehead kisses before bed and never grew out of it. Maybe he was a little bit too attached to this form of touch bc it soothed his headaches from sensing and poor eyesight when he was little

Itama, who I hc also being autistic, but a little bit more interested in masking, was a little more aware that no one actually licked anyone as a form of love outside of sexy time. But never actually told Tobirama bc he thought he knew. Hashirama also never mentioned it.

Tobirama fucking grew up thinking that licking his loved ones is an okay thing to do and a form of ultimate love or smth. He doesn't do that himself, he usually accepts hugs or kisses or any other form of love from his brothers, but never initiates. And he's kinda hurt that no one of his brothers do this anymore (i think they play licked and bite each other when they were little quite a lot).

Anyway all my thoughts are going to Madatobi so, when they get together, Tobirama will try to lick Madara sometimes in place of kissing, bc sometimes he's so overwhelmed with feelings, that kissing isn't enough. Madara takes us as a joke and sexy play at first and it will hurt Tobirama a bit, but I think he's got used for this kinds of rejection for now.

But then Madara would notice that oh, Tobirama takes these little licks seriously. Tobirama is always weird and stiff about sex if it's happening bc Tobirama started being all weird and licked his face, again.

Madara slowly catches on, bc Tobirama never fucking talks about anything that bothers him, but Madara IS a genius too thank you very much. He learns that for Tobirama it's a big deal and he wants to receive these licks too. And not in a sexy way, like it's not enough for licking neck or other parts of his body, no it's supposed to be on his face, preferably the forehead (even tho Madara thinks it's gross, the cold saliva all over the face ESPECIALLY on forehead is disgusting actually, i remember getting so annoyed that my mom did that). But oh well what can you do with love.

So Madara tries to make Tobirama happy with licking him from time to time (even tho he has to go on his tippy toes to reach his forehead). Maybe even in public. They already have reputation of having a freaky relationships, how much worse can it go?

Eventually Tobirama learns that licking face is not actually normal from Izuna, who was freaked out big time when he saw this display for the first time.

Tobirama was miserable that he was the freak the whole time and was getting upset over nothing, Madara is angry bc Izuna upset Tobirama and Izuna is just fucking traumatised.

ok i'm ending my ramble here. it's kinda weird but i had to get it out of my chest

[thedanniannie]

🖤Uchiha Men dating goth baddies pt.2🖤

Descriptions lean femme

Nsfw mentions

Uchihas mentioned: Madara, Obito, Shisui, Itachi

Madara:

- I know I said in my last post he maybe wouldn't deliberately simp for goth babes like some of these other Uchihas on my list, but if anyone was going to be the token metal head boyfriend to their goth babe, it's gonna be him.

- like common, he's not gonna have a mane like that and NOT fit the metal head vibe okay?? LIKE LET'S GET INTO THIS FANTASY!!

- And this man has NO crafty skills.... so imagine helping him with sewing patches on his battle jackets UUUUUGGGGHHJDJJDJSJXJCHD

- He's the guy to have gone to a couple of shows with Hashi when they were young, and he just stopped going as he got older. But he would absolutely cave if you batted your eyelashes and asked him to take you to one. Also, he's protective as fucking fuck.

- And at a show, if he finds you slowly inching your way to the pit, he will snake his arm around your torso to pull you back and just give you the most firm look that's like "you're not going in there missy"

Obito:

- He'd wear the ghost face mask.... I feel like we already knew this information. Like, he'd be on goth tiktok and already KNOW that the goth girls fall hard for a man in a mask and would just happen to have the mask from a past Halloween costume and just make note to NEVER throw it out lol

- Although he can be freaky with the mask, he will also be unbearably sweet. The second he learns about boyfriends making "boo baskets" for their spooky partners, he gets to cooking on it.

- I actually think Obi would have a lot of fun finally getting to do all the typical spooky couple shit. Because although I see Obi for sure simping for the goth babes, for some reason he doesn't approach. But with the mix of being a sweetie at heart and the deep trauma he has, he could for sure keep up with his love's date ideas.

- But I think his favorite would be going to scare nights and going through mazes with his partner. Like, ofc he lives staying home and cuddling while watching horror films, but there's something he likes about getting to play the protective bf type during all the scares

- his other favorite thing is having to clean off all the black lipstick stains after a night out. He would beg (and probably has) to get some, especially after you saying you don't want it to "bother him"

Shisui:

- He's gonna regularly send the text that all goths want to hear from their partners: "Hey babe, do you want to get dressed up and get coffee and go Halloween shopping?"

- If you tell him that you had a horrible day at work, he will make sure his queen of darkness is well pampered. A dark themed bath will be drawn, with the favorite Halloween seasonal candle lit. And he will end the night by putting on Coraline for the two of you to relax to. Idk he's just a knowledgeable simp like that.

- As I'm writing Shisui, I feel like I'm making him seem really ran through. And I guess KINDAAA, like I think Shisui would REALLY like the goths. But it's never out of objectification, he just loves how much they embrace the darkness, and look so hot while doing it. But he's an Uchiha, and they're serious about love, so I think "ran through" would like, he's genuinely dated two goths and just had so much love for them that he learned a lot.

- Also I could see Shisui as the kind of guy who is alt at heart, but doesn't look it. He probably never really TRIED to be alt, like outwardly that is, not because he doesn't like it but rather is just happy to listen to the music and know the people. And when you first met him, you thought he was some regular guy and wouldn't know anything about the subcultures. Until he drove you to your guy's first date, and his music taste completely said otherwise

Itachi:

- Idk why but something in me sees him as being intuitively intelligent with any DIY or gothy clothing alterations. Like, he is savvy enough to know the cheapest places to get things, how to make shit happen on a budget. That intelligence could get him places in alternative crafts, but I also see him as someone not driven to be creative. He's just smart, so he can at least offer a helping hand with any craft his goth partner wants to do

- he also likes to genuinely visit historic and haunted locations. Tbh, I don't think Itachi would believe in ghosts. But he's not patronizing to his partner if they do, and will happily tag along to visit haunted places. Mainly because I just see him as a history buff.

- gives you regal hand kisses, but at the randomest of times. Like yeah, maybe some here and there when he greets you or says goodbye, which was more so the case before your relationship got more serious. But now it's tradition, so he's just a little playful with it. A soft kiss on the hand before your "goodnight kiss," periodically when watching horror movies. His playfulness is still so poised lol. He's a vampire that's why lol.

- maybe he'll even nibble on your goth ass neck like he's a vampire BUT IDK YOU DIDN'T HEAR IT FROM MEEEE (😈)

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I think my first Uchiha x goths is probably my most popular post, so I wanted to make more of it. Although this has been sitting in my notes for like a month, oops. But yall loving my first one gave me the motivation to finish this one, for all my fellow goth Uchiha lovers out there!

[moldy-flowers]

UCHIHA CLAN HEADCANON THAT THEY'RE ALL SECRETLY YAPPERS.

Okay hear me out hear me out hear me out. Sasuke, is not a yapper, bc he's internalised all his yapping‼️ He doesn't know the Uchiha ways of the yap!!

Okay so like, when the children are like children, they're the ultimate yappers. But not near people they don't know. Imagine like Itachi coming home and Sasuke sprinting to the door yelling "Ni-San" repeatedly while jumping up and down. You can see it, cant you? BECAUSE HES A YAPPER!!

AND WHEN THEY AND WHEN THEY GROW UP THEY LIKE PICK A PERSON TO YAP OFF TOO AND LIKE THATS THAT PERSON FOR LIFE ITS LIKE SOULMATES SORT OF⁉️⁉️⁉️

Itachi was never a yapper and that's why Fugaku was like "Dont turn out like Itachi..." to Sasuke bc Itachi never conformed to the true Uchiha way!! They knew there was something wrong w him day one!!!

You know that scene where Sasuke to Mikoto is like "Does father care more about Itachi than me?? :(" and Mikoto tells him that actually Fugaku talks about Sasuke all the time behind closed doors? WELL IT MAKES SENSE NOW BC BC WHEN THE UCHIHA GROW UP THEY ONLY YAP TO THE PERSON THEY ARE CLOSEST TO I.E. MIKOTO‼️‼️ FUGAKU YAPS ALL THE TIME TO MIKOTO AND MIKOTO TO HIM‼️‼️

This also works for Shisui bc if we assume Shisuis parents died when he was young, Shisui never had anyone to raise him properly apart from the clan, and he wasn't really apart of their family's. Not to mention he was really highly praised and his goofy silly guy personality was brushed off bc Holy crap where the fuck did he go IS HE BEHIND ME WTF HOW??? HES LIKE 8!!???? WHAT THE SHIT‼️‼️‼️⁉️⁉️⁉️ So Shisui is at the age where he'd stop being a yapper but he's too far gone he's just a goof now and we love him for that.

Also, if we look at our beloved boy Izuna!! He's kind of a goober but he doesn't get the chance to goob around with everyone cause they're in war :(( He's a prankster bc he wants to lift up everyones spirits but when he's not w/ his family hes a snarky bitch (We love him for that!! We all cheer in unison)

Madara, we all saw his friendship with Hashirama, that boy was a yapper‼️ But the one he chose to yap to was Hashirama so most of the time he listens to Izuna yapping and stays quiet bc hashi is the enemy :((

Now our little freaky boy Obito!! He had no proper teacher of the Uchiha ways (pffft he doesn't even know the ways of the Uchiha yap? He's a lost cause just ignore him :// ) and he's lonely to he just yaps and yaps and yaps to anybody with an ear. But then he met Madara and was deyapped. He talks to himself though so just think that counts as a little yap.

Now onto the star of the show the silly little loser Sasuke :33 (Our boy!! our boy!! We all scream clap and cry) When everyone died he was too sad and scared and paranoid and traumatized to yap if anybody would have actually listened. And hc that he desperately clings into anything Uchiha bc he wants to be as close to his family as possible. And everybody he knew was stone cold, or calm and collected and kind to those they were close to. So he too would be stone cold and calm and collected!!! It wasn't too difficult to close himself off because he didn't have any friends in the first place. But did you notice how that when he shows Fugaku his grades and they're all straight A+'s, and in the show we learn they are also graded on their ability to work with others, and in Naruto: the last we see Naruto Sasuke and Sakura sitting at the same table!? Using our heads and our amazing smarts we, together as a team can deduce this means that Sasuke actually worked with a group and worked so well with them that it was deemed an A+ (DESPITE THE FACT HE WAS REALLY ANTI-SOCIAL!? I COULD NEVER) So this means that at a table Sasuke worked with his future team very well despite the fact their personalitys clashed so much, Sakura a nervous wreck which is something Sasuke outwardly hates, and Naruto, a prankster who totally has ADHD and will not focus on anything, and Sasuke at the time was pretty compassionate despite being a little bratty!! They worked together!! (this could also be when Sakura developed a crush on Sasuke!! And Naruto on Sakura!!! Do you see!?? My Uchiha yapping agenda is so canon!!!) I went on a little bit of a rant there BUT we also see at the beginning of the manga that Sasuke actually scored pretty low on his ability to work with others!! He was trying to be more like his dead clan by being stoic and closed off!! He doesnt know they were secretly sensitive losers!! (Whenever they're alone with their partner they're immediately clingy and become the most touch starved people in existence and cling to eachother like if they let go they'll suffocate and die)

Omg fic where for an amount of time Naruto Sasuke and Sakura have a group project that extends before and after the massacre and during it we see Sasuke go from Reluctantly a ball of Sunshine and energy to really depressed and jittery to cold hearted and stoic!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE SOMEOME WRITE IT FOR ME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

And so like, it's in the Uchiha genes to yap!! But Sasukes yaps have been internalised and his first like really long time in Konoha he has to relearn how to have conversations with people bc he just yaps in his head and forgets to respond. Everyone thinks Sasuke is soooo intimidating bc he just stands there and glares (He doesn't realise he's glaring) at you and makes you feel really really stupid but he's actually just wondering if he can adopt a fluffy pink cat bc he saw Sakura earlier and wants to know if cats can be pink too. Now he's wondering if he breeds the cats correctly if he could get a rainbow cat. Oh what did you say? SHIT uhmm just roll eyes and walk away roll eyes and walk away. Kiba has a theory that Sasuke is plotting something (He's plotting gay coloured cats) Unfortunately he's so quiet mysterious guy coded that he never truly learns to let out his inner yaps. But when he's home alone or w/ a partner he's comfortable with (Whoever you ship him with) He happily listens or when it's quiet he hums long forgotten lullabys that his mother used to sing. Although im not letting go of my touch starved clingy Sasuke agenda he hums while hugging with a vice grip. And also when Sarada was little he would sing songs to her go help her sleep (Sasuke singing somewhere over the rainbow anyone?? :33)

HAVE YOU BEEN CONVINCED BY MY YAPPER UCHIHA AGENDA!?!?!?!?!?!? HAVE YOU BEEN INFECTED BY THE YAPPER VIRUS YET!????

[normalestenstars]

do you have any personal favorite responses? ones that make your brain itch? or responses that make you go "they are SO wrong"

i'm going to assume you mean overall, so i will stick to the form responses for the sake of simplicity. though, i will say i found the responses to least normal form more interesting as people tended to be more opinionated/divided about their answers

this answer got a bit too long, so i put it under a readmore

Favorites from normal

i made a post about this some time ago, but whoever wrote "He's just a closeted gay teenager" for tomoya killed me

Favorites from not normal there is a lot

Tied btween Ibara and HiMERU tbh because HiMERU is doing something deeply insane and caused all of his own problems and made several other people's problems worse in the process. However, Ibara is a teen business major and that alone signifies he has issues.

Wataru instills a fear in me that the other characters do not. Yes, Mayoi be in the vents and stuff but like, hell stay there. when i go to piss at 4am in the morning and its pitch dark and i see something go by in the corner of my eye its wataru.

do you think i would be a shuP if he were normal in the slightest?

Honestly my choice was based entirely on the fact that I can put a name (or multiple) to everyone else's problems but when I think about Tsumugi all I can do is just hold him up and go "there's something wrong with him"

look i think himeru will win but considering how much mamas completely unwillingness to cope with anything ever has impacted both double face and just about every other story shes in i like had to. like at least himeru is capable of having friends without having a complete meltdown over the idea

he freaks me out. a little too willingly weird ((about himeru))

The other characters have their quirks, but Tsumugi clears the "says things that have made me audibly go 'what the fuck?'" bar. For everyone else, their freakiness might as well be Tuesday, you know?

He’s very interesting to me personally ✌️ like you cannot be in his situation and be very normal, i thinks. Hope he gets worse or better, either would be fun to watch ((about himeru)) ^^^ really like this one. lol

something is wrong with him like. deeply. unfixably i fear ((about madara))

honestly. let me preface this by saying crazy:b is my favorite group, but if you called himeru some sort of freak you probably got a chuckle out of me. like genuinely, what's wrong with this guy

Favorites specifically from the who should be on the least normal poll section

eichi is the only one who can truly contest tsumugi’s weirdoness and honestly he takes the cake. all the cake. every last slice. and others may try, but none truly hold a candle to these goobers. a match at best. maybe a sparkler if we’re feeling festive. eichi’s weirdo behavior is natural and genuine. his lack of normalcy has no pretense and is integral to his existence. he is the ensemble star and hes soooo weird about it. he should sweep the whole poll. every poll. weirdest in every unit.

Brain itchers all coming from the least normal form

apparently natsume once told sora that he's making bombs??? when he was clearly baking??? and that he'd have tsumugi give out the "bombs" so his reputation doesn't get ruined??? what story is this 😭

WHOEVER WROTE THIS ↓↓↓ YUZURU RESPONSE... CAN I GET THE ESSAY I'M BEGGING PLEASE where are you i only read gang 🥺🙏 LISTEN!!!!!! YUZURU FUCKING FUSHIMI!!!!!!! IS INSANE!!!!!! as a wataruP I am so incredulous that he won over Yuzuru. Because Yuzuru is SO MUCH LESS NORMAL!!!!! I already left an essay I wasn’t expecting to leave in this response… so consider yourself spared the Yuzuru essay given that he wasn’t one of the main options and that…. I am planning to scream about Yuzuru fushimi’s insanity in my own post bc HE MAKES ME INSANE. But just know. He should be here

a handful of people keep/kept mentioning whatever happened in raison d'être with the graves AND I DON'T!! KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS!!! I'VE ONLY READ NEVERLAND 🥺 IT'S MY ONLY VALK STORY OTHER THAN STEAMPUNK MUSEUM AND ANTIQUE LEGEND 🥺🥺🥺

Misc. thoughts because it looked weird if i didn't indent this section

as for responses i didn't agree with, this is a hard question to answer because i don't know enough about a third of the cast to strongly disagree. not to mention, i personally think that even if i knew it would be extremely rude of me to share and pick apart people's responses in front of a sizeable audience, so i will not. the last thing i want is for people to feel judged and ostracized over some silly enstars poll, and i personally do not enjoy how hostile this fanbase is to casual fans

like for example, i personally think chiaki is the weirdest ryuseitai member, but many people would disagree on that, right? and it's really not that big of a deal, because i understand why/how people come to that conclusion. some of these questions are really subjective, and are ultimately up to interpretation. just because i understand the text differently doesn't mean that another fan's opinion is inherently wrong. i think that's partially the fun of enstars in that there really is no explicit answer to some things, and it's up to the reader to draw their own conclusions

it hasn't come up often enough to address it, but i only feel bothered by people's responses when they overlook writer's biases and how that bleeds into the writing of some characters, like the amagis and adonis, somewhat mayoi, etc.

anyway, my sincere apologies if this feels like i'm personally lecturing you 🙇 i understand your interest in wanting to know this, but i do not want people to feel bad over mostly subjective opinions. on top of my own understanding of the text versus theirs, yknow?

i guess i could address the polls? for the normal unit polls i personally think hiiro, shinobu, hinata, and nazuna should have won their respective polls. i don't think niki should have won either but i'm not sure who should take his place 🤔. as for the least normal polls i think tatsumi should have won. but outside of these opinions, i do not wish to address actual written responses

[mira--mira]

Day 6 Moon

@hashimada-week

Please note the name of this fic is "Sailor Madara" and its creation is all @dzhfaer's fault. In Madara's opinion, he gets the shittiest mascot of all time, rip Kaguya. ~400 words.

Stepping out into the warm spring night he almost, almost feels calm. He has a plan, nothing will go wrong. 

Then there’s a flash like a sudden lightning strike. Before Madara can react, something rolls out from the alley and bumps against his dress shoes. In the glow of streetlights and shops, he can make out a freakishly white doll. 

Madara hesitates before reaching down to touch it. He has half a mind to take it into the convenience store and tell them to call the cops. Whatever this weird shit is, he doesn’t want any part of it. But as soon as his fingers touch the doll’s dress it jolts to life. Not like a toy. Whatever it is stretches in a far too human manner and floats up until it’s at eye level with him. 

The only word to describe the doll is white. Long white hair, white skin, pure pupil-less white eyes. Only on closer inspection can Madara see the accents of purple and yellow on its kimono—not a dress like he first thought—and the grayish brown hue to the weird horns rising up from its head. 

“Rejoice mortal for you have been chosen as a vessel—”

“Absolutely not.” Madara steps around the doll, or at least he tries to. The freaky thing darts in front of him, its stubby eyebrows pinched in superiority and aggravation. 

“I am Kaguya, herald of great power—”

“I don’t care.” Madara shoulders his way past it but the thing floats in front of him again. 

“I have descended to entrust you with a great quest—”

“Get lost.” Fearing this talking doll is not going to leave him alone, Madara reaches out and grabs it, tossing blindly behind him and then practically sprints down the sidewalk. These shoes were not made for running and despite the short distance, with the warm night and heavy suit jacket, Madara’s practically sweating by the time he turns a corner and his apartment comes into view. He’s not quite so out of shape, he’s panting as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out his keys, eyeing the space around him to make sure it’s free of floating albino dolls. 

The lock clicks and Madara pushes his way inside. He leans back heavily against the door and lets out a sigh of relief. It was all a weird delusion brought on by nerves. One he’ll laugh at with Hashirama tomorrow after a successful date. 

[garak]

things hashirama would be doing if madara had been hokage

wandering around in the woods looking for giant bugs

teaching children on the street how to play dice and losing money to them

working on in-village farming and production to bolster konohas independence and trade opportunities

trying to help tobirama with inventing new jutsu but all his ideas are stupid and he gets kicked out of his freaky lair

throwing rocks at the hokage tower to try and get madaras attention only for them to be intercepted by anbu causing him to sulk and mutter and lay down in the middle of the street until somebody came and got him

falling asleep during council meetings

getting swindled by a snake oil salesman and coming home with 30 elixirs that all do nothing

growing weird buildings and furniture

trying to teach a lesson at the academy only for the children to make fun of him again causing him to sulk and mutter

inventing the chuunin exams so he can bet on them

fighting the councils ban on betting on the chuunin exams

petitioning the council for funds to build more statues of him and madara

jerking off to madaras giant stone face in the window and then having to go sit alone in the woods for 2 days thinking about what hes doing with his life

getting so drunk he forgets where his house is and deciding to sleep in a tree

making tobirama part the river so he can try to find the rocks he and madara threw at each other as kids despite tobirama telling him theyve definitely eroded by now and then getting depressed when he cant find them

[kankuroplease]

Would you mind ranking how frequently your founders oc ships would have freaky time together hehe

OC ships from nightly to might get it in if the mood strikes

Tw: suggestive + some mentions of kinks

Okami x Kawarama - nothing stops them expect for distance

Tajima x Sumi - they became parents because of a mutual breeding kink as well as insanely high libidos

Madara x Katsura - Katsura is a competitive undercover freak with a bit of a voice kink, it’s easy to work her up.

Rei x Sora - they are both each others exact types and have higher sex drives. They have a secret glory hole somewhere in the bathhouse just for them 💀

Suzaku x Erika x Aja - someone is bound to have something in them a good number of days out of the week

Gou x Itama - both scheduled and spontaneous sex

Nagisa x Naori - it’s how they bond

Miu x Kagami - they like a good round or two after training

Suigetsu x Megumi - Megumi likes to surprise Suigetsu at work with a quickie plus she cleans up after herself well, so Oro acts oblivious to the obvious 😌

Tobirama x Aori - Tobirama’s a busy man but Aori knows how to destress him when he makes it home

Kakuzu x Riki - they have days of no work and just having sex

Sakumo x Kōmori - it’s more of a weekend deal because of how busy he is

Manda x Nisshoku - Manda’s sex drive seems to fluctuate with the weather and Sho is fine with that

Orochimaru x Tora - would be higher if they didn’t frequently out of village

Butsuma x Asako - sex is for procreating and Asako’s libido is practically non existent

[sasubaeuchithot]

lowkey madara would maybe be kinda excited for sasuke getting with nart if he knew hehe like "ah, hashirama, we finally got it right. we could've been like them but freaky"

mads would be like "we could've been them but kinkier if you didn't let your people systemically oppress my people after promising we'd all live together peacefully in the village we created together"

[thybirbman]

Sorry but I'm gonna ignore half the post bc I read the first two paragraphs and now can't think about anything else, so you're getting me trying to logic religion instead of Tobi!Kakashi (tho I will say I saw a fic once with the Obito-Kakashi role reversal where they had it that Kakashi was pretending to be Tobirama rather than Madara bc of the hair and smarts and it even fits with the Tobi nickname! It was amazing, don't remember it tho, so sorry.)

Anyway! Here are my Hatake religion thoughts, presented as facts rather than just my headcanons bc I love writing fake facts:

The Hatake do worship multiple gods/vague spirits of the land rather than one specific god, but like a typical pantheon religion where there's a buncha gods, but then there's the one special favorite guy that's in charge of everyone, and to the Hatake, that's Kaguya. Yeah, they worship the gods of plants and harvest and whoever brings the rain, but the Hatake are wolves first, farmers second, so Kaguya, the goddess of rabbits (aka usually the first thing a young cub gets to catch on their first hunt, something something a symbol of coming into their own and becoming their own person as well as a sign of good things to come and that they'll be powerful enough to live by themselves, just lots of good meanings to the Hatake) that also resides on the moon, is their special lil gal.

The Hatake's beliefs are kind of... vague? They don't really have a set mythology, or they didn't in the beginning, because they used to be a bunch of small vaguely connected family units all over the Land of Iron just doing their thing, but they slowly got whittled down to the few that are now left. And each of those units had their own spin on things, ranging from Kaguya being their sworn enemy who was cursed into a rabbit so they could hunt her for all eternity, to more positive stories of Kaguya either always being a rabbit, inventing the concept of rabbits in the first place, or willingly transforming into a rabbit permanently to be hunted by the Hatake for all eternity as a kind of game. (aka go with whatever suits the story, you want bad Kaguya where the Hatake were systematically wiped out by Zetsu bc those fuckers were literally engineered in a fucking lab by God to be perfect Kaguya killers? Want good Kaguya where Sakumo and Kaguya get to be freaky together and have Kakashi be a half god? Whatever works for you!)

Most of them, however, end with Kaguya either returning to her home on the moon right before dawn breaks or being sealed away on the moon by mean people who don't want the Hatake to have their fun ritual hunting game. Very sad. It's a tradition to not eat the first rabbit you ever catch, and instead wait for nightfall before holding it up to the open sky and then burying the thing in the dirt under the moonlight, to show Kaguya that they still remember their old hunts and that no earth rabbit will ever be as great a catch as her. Unless you were part of those guys that didn't like Kaguya, wherein you would wait with your first ever rabbit til nightfall before absolutely ripping that thing to pieces and eating it's heart raw while glaring up at the moon. And then go pray and apologize to Tsukuyomi for glaring at them (the moon).

Back when Kakashi was a kid, Sakumo always burried any rabbits he got, which was kind of extreme when usually it's just the first rabbit you ever kill. Sakumo's only explanation was that they'd never be as good as the first rabbit he caught, and it would be an insult to that first rabbit for him to ever try another.

(Picturing shittily drawn Kakashi frowning down at a scraggly rabbit in a dirt hole thinking damn must have been one good rabbit, rabbits don't even taste that good, meanwhile in the background in full renaissance style oil paint Sakumo is just on his knees absolutely sobbing his heart out at the moon)

Concept of the Hatake, as a wolf clan, worshipping Tsukuyomi, the moon god, as their god. Alternatively: it'd be incredibly funny and ironic if you leaned into Kaguya-hime as a moon rabbit, being worshipped by a wolf clan.

I have no specific thoughts (yet) bc I also love the idea of the Hatake not worshipping any one god but instead honoring just the vague spirits of the land (leaning into them as farmers) but like. Where's my "The Hatake worship Kaguya-hime" AU where things get really awkward when it becomes clear she's kind of trying to blow up the world or whatever from her prison in the moon.

Zetsu goes to a young Kakashi or Sakumo or smthn for help with freeing his mother bc the Hatake's have worshipped her for so long, so surely they'd help

Or if you have one of those role swap Kakashi and Obito aus, add a bit of flavor to differentiate between the villain, brainwashed, Akatsuki, Madara-impersonator Obito-- with brainwashed, Akatsuki, Kaguya-hime worshipper Kakashi, helping Zetsu, potentially with full knowledge of the eye of the moon plan bc he genuinely wants to free Kaguya.

In an AU like that, maybe Zetsu would be more open with him in general too, like, they share the same genuine goal, and also potentially the love for Kaguya. So I can see Zetsu maybe opening up to him a lot more than he would if he were fr just a puppet. At the very least, they could commiserate about "poor" Kaguya hime, trapped in the moon.

I just think it'd be interesting

[hibiscusseaart]

family headcanons! really leaning onto Hatake side

Thinking about how out of all the kids Motoko who is the most Uchiha looking, Uchiha jutsu, future clan head, acts A LOT like Hatake. She'd devour a steak with blood, as a kid she'd bite everyone.

Many people thought that she gets it from Madara, cuz he looks like he's fucked up in the head ( i mean they are correct but he didn't bite ppl and doesn't like blood and raw meat in his food). But no, it's actually Hatake blood from Tobirama.

Nari would be quite the Hatake too cuz she'd be like "I need to challenge every single authority to make sure they have the right to boss me around"

Akemori, even if he looks the most Hatake, he has more Senju temper and behaviour. But he did bite, cuz that's how they do that in the family. But actually if you let any child to bite without consequences and even encouraging it, they would.

Tobirama would be "ah the normal child behaviour". He'd gently bite all of his kids and ofc Madara too. He's a mate now after all.

Sometimes Tobirama even playfights his pups. For Uchiha it'd quite a culture shock, cuz they got used to ethereal, calm and graceful clan head's spouse. To see him goofing around with his kids and throwing them in the dirt and sometimes biting them. Who does that?!

Madara is perfectly okay with that, even though he had to get used to a child regularly nibbling his arms or neck. Izuna, unexpectedly, took it well. He'd bite his nephew and nieces out of spite, cuz how DARE they.

Also Nari looks a lot like Tobirama and Izuna's daughter. Plus when she grows up she'd also wear a ponytail. Madara is torn cuz he loves his brother very much, but also it's HIS daughter.

also idk if Izuna would marry and have his own kids. he's too busy suspecting Tobirama and spoiling his nieces and nephew.

Oh, I forgot to talk about their senses! All the kids are quite good sensors, cuz, Tobirama is one, Madara too, so it's only logical. In the future Uchiha would actually possess a nice line of sensors in the main branch.

So from best to worst: Tobirama. Akemori, Nari, Madara, Motoko.

Motoko isn't the best sensor, but she inherited Hatake's nose! She hates spicy food bc of it and actually bland food. It's her very not-Uchiha trait, that made her a nightmare to feed when she was a child. Uchiha like their food really seasoned*.

Motoko's fav food is steak with blood and sashimi.

** interesting thought occured to me, Senju probably grow many plants, food and spices as well. It was probably a tradition that came around when not only Hashirama was the Mokuton wilder but many in the clan. I believe it was hard to keep Mokuton babies alive bc or the violent nature of it. Imagine how actually happier Uchiha became when they could buy spices SO much cheaper than to import it from somewhere else. Plus of course it's much more cheaper to buy food from close by Senju and then in the village. One of the reasons not to be against peace :)

Ofc the minute Tobirama's aunt - the Hatake clan head - hears that he has his own pup, she'd get the whole clan to go to Konoha for a visit!

Uchiha, and other clans are terrified. Hatake don't have a nice reputation and now the whole clan wants to visit??? With kids (which they're very possessive and protective) and huge wolves??? And the Hokage lets them cuz the clan head is his aunt???? No wonder Senju are so weird sometimes.

While the Hatake visit, every clan prays that it's just a visit and that they would leave (lmao no). Not only cuz they're freaky, but also of their continuous reputation of adopting any stray children.

Clans clam up and don't let their kids out of their sight.

Uchiha are especially fucked cuz the Hatake plan to visit them especially. Fucking "thank you", Tobirama, what the fuck.

And Tobirama is entirely calm about it. He treats like the usual thing ever. So when good portion of the clan goes through gates, they just SWARM Tobirama and little Motoko (she's probably a year old at this point), scenting them and trying to take a good look at the baby. Ofc they bear gifts. Meat, furs, weaponry. Maybe even wolf pup for the baby!

Though maybe at first the clan head didn't really want to acknowledge Motoko (like with Hashirama*), cuz she has really Uchiha coloring and face, so she's not really a Hatake. But Motoko started her little growls and yips and anxiously biting Tobirama cuz of many new people and smells and Tobirama's aunt was like "Oh, okay, she's one of us"

** I like the idea of Hatake clan head, who doesn't really think Hashirama is a Hatake and he's heartbroken by it. But, I think it's not because of the coloring or how he acts. I think it's mostly cuz she HATES Butsuma and when they meet for the first time Hashirama was really hero worshipping his father and it ticked Hatake off. So she probably never actually try to connect with Hashirama again cuz she's still sure that Hashirama is the same as Butsuma.

Maybe Butsuma took her sister as a bride in a marriage hunt and Hatake were pissed, but accepted it, cuz Senju are much stronger and have more ppl. If they'd angered Senju they'd be destroyed.

Because of it, Tobirama never actually considered to make Madara his husband this way. Plus I think for this to work the way he wanted (to infiltrate Uchiha) he needed to be the one who marries in the clan and if he'd try to do that with Madara it would work the other way around.

(i adopted many of @oh-no-its-bird hcs about Hatake clan if you can tell)

[mishkakagehishka]

I thought that other person was bad, but gee looks like even some fellow long-term players don't even know the lore (or just don't care and proceed to spread misinformation around the community).

Before you say anything, yes I know Mika is into horror stuff but do you really think this means he's a killer and sucj? That's like the whole "video games cause violence" argument, just because someone likes horror and gore DOES NOT mean they will go straight out and kill someone! Maybe come back when Mika (or any ES character for that matter) ACTUALLY kills someone to write your clearly self indulgent stuff cause we should really stick to canon in order to avoid spreading misinformation and confusing new fans because we will then get all these types of ooc and freaky fics and fanart because the new fans will come and assume it's can go by reading your stuff and any long-term fans that produce similar content.

(This is enstars-gatekeeper btw. I may make a new sideblog to get rid of people like you in the ES community)

I'm not even gonna entertain you with a proper answer, I just wanted to laugh at you for "or any ES character for that matter" what alternate reality did you drop from?😭 Madara, Kanata, Kohaku, they have all canonically killed people. Kohaku is an assassin, for crying out loud. If you want to count "making someone commit suicide" as murder, you can also shove the student council in that box. You're so funny accusing me of not knowing lore when you believe no ES character has killed😭😭😭

And yeah, it is self-indulgent. What the fuck else do you think the point of fanfiction is. And also i DO stick to canon🥰 There's this thing called "reading between lines" and "assuming from the information given" which allows fanfic writers to take a character and say "Well, nothing points to him not doing/liking/behaving like this, so~" and still write canon-compliant fics by filling in the gaps in a character's characterisation using the knowledge we have already🥰 I'm not using Mika liking gore to explain him being a serial killer. I'm using him canonically treating human life as worthless and his reaction to thinking he killed Ritsu to assume what he'd be like if he were a serial killer. AU stands for "alternate universe", yknow. Like the one you fell out of where the ES cast is filled with saints.

And God I wish people would draw freaky stuff inspired by my fics. Send me links if you find any, I love freaky fanart and fics.

L + ratio + kung pow penis + you don't even know the lore of the game you're trying to gatekeep + you keep returning on the weekends (friendless, much?) + for every ask you send me, I'm writing one more fic about Mika killing people

[yandere-daze]

hello op i wanna say i absolutely love the self aware es yandere au its on my mind 24/7 or whenever i doze off HAHAHA its the thing ever. if i may.

i hope this does count as chitchat、but like something happened to me?? that's never happened to me before 😭 but basically i drew a few doodles on my drawing app of like leo、nagisa and mama and then it got super late so i also drew a small ibanyan there in a corner and went to sleep. next day when i opened it ibanyan was like?? gone?? but not completely. like there was the outline around him and the text i wrote below him that. just said ibanyan. and so i thought maybe i just accidentally covered him with white and didnt realize but then i saw it was erased within the outline as if someone just decided he should be erased. literally in all this over half a decade since ive been using this app it never happened for the outline to just remain there and the drawing within to magically get erased and while it was creepy it just made me think of the self aware yan au 😭😭 and it made me think、what if the idols could also mess around with the rest of your phone?

also the thems below (i hope they show、ive never added pics in an ask before lsjdkskg)

https://i.imgur.com/EGSTHXf.png

https://i.imgur.com/nZX3e4S.png

Don´t worry, this is perfectly fine to send in ^^ First of all i want to start off by saying that your art looks REALLY nice?? Artists when they say they made quick doodles only to show you a pretty masterpiece😭 I´m just in love with how all of them look! They´re so shiny and pretty and I want to look at them for a few more hours please. Anyone reading this ask please check out those links because they´re very much worth seeing!

But help, you weren´t kidding?? Like Ibara just vanished, leaving only the outline behind? I didn´t know this was something that could happen, that´s so freaky sjfbs 😭

Leo, Nagisa and Madara looked at you drawing Ibara and went like " no you didn´t <3 Ibara who? He doesn´t exist" ljflsf Like they really just erased him from existence while you weren´t looking. It´s what they wish they could do in the actual game, if they´re being honest fujdh

[lesbiankoby]

so madara’s daughter was flat out a civilian and his grandaughter is a shinobi of empty boasts and no true talent who can’t even make great fireball and at this point the clan is feeling pretty comfortable in the decision to cut madaras lineage out of the main line and then the *great grandaughter* is born (a bastard, even!) and of all the possible goddamned names. mizuki goes with tomoe. how fucking impertinent. and then of course she’s a freaky child who catches on too quick and learns just as fast and makes genin by six and races towards chuunin at full speed and of course nobody can even remotely get a bead on what she actually wants except to be as inconvenient as possible. and everyone is suddenly extremely nervous about poor, poor uchiha obito, born five years after the nightmare girl.

it would be funny if obito-sister-issekai was named tomoe tbh fjdjfjjf mizuki probably would

[mira--mira]

okay so since orochimaru's cursed seal apparently has got hashi's dna mixed in it after his graverobbing and somehow surviving the horrors of the forest of death, does that mean if he turns his attention onto the terrors, then if madara gets bitten does that mean him getting injected with hashi's dna and getting the rinnegan? that might just give hiruzen and danzou heart attacks cause the eyes of the sage/the god of shinobi!

Spoilers below: Things revealed in 2 chapters plus some widely(?) known part 1 headcanons I've incorporated into the later chunin plot:

This is a liiiitle off topic but we have an Anko PoV coming up in the 11th chapter of the chunin exams (not this week but next) that explains more about the history of the Forest of Death/why she chose it and part of the reason is this: Anko is trying to protect the forest (for her personal reasons that I won't say now) from Danzou who's trying to petition Hiruzen to tear it down and that's because Konoha doesn't actually have Hashirama's body. That's why Sai mentioned no one knows where the Shodai died, they all just assume the big ass scary forest had something to do with it.

The cells Orochimaru used for his experiments were ones Tobirama had preserved (he wasn't doing the fucked up kind of experiments with Hashirama's cells but he thought the mokuton, a kekkei genkai no one had seen before or since, deserved to be studied. This also ties into my headcanon that Orochimaru admired Tobirama above any other Hokage and, for better or worse, thought of him as a kindred soul. Now if Tobirama would agree with that is a different story...anyway I'm getting off-topic). The big issue with this is...Hashirama cells are a finite resource, one that is almost gone. But the Forest of Death is the best guess as to where Hashirama died, where his body may be recovered. Orochimaru and Danzou have an interest in getting more cells because of their own experiments: Orochimaru's mokuton/sage research and Danzou and his freaky-ass arm (I also love the headcanon answer to 'why did Orochimaru invade Konoha? Suna did bc they were dying and desperate but what about him?' Because if Danzou was made Hokage after Hiruzen's death, he would allow Orochimaru to continue his experiments/give him Konoha resources under the table (ie Hashirama cells)).

Orochimaru comes to the exam to kill 2 birds with 1 stone: find the body/general location to give to Danzou, and nab Sasuke. Kabuto's "what about Team 13" piqued his interest but he doesn't quite believe the terrors are who they say they are yet (but if they are, more sharingan and possibly living Hashirama cells which he'll take). All of this to say, the Curse Mark is based on Hashirama's cells and I won't say who gets bit/what happens but it'll be...verrrry interesting. (IE that's going to be our main mid-point climax and it's going to chrank the insanity level from 10 to 100 😂)