#m scripts

[merklins]

🃏 with whoever you want?

Well, since the two of you seem to agree...

I PRESENT TO YOU

Sleepless as a Tarot card (:

(Sketches and my epic reasoning for why I chose the Ten of Swords below the read more) (It's long)

DISCLAIMER: I didn't know much about Tarot cards before these asks, so everything I mention here came from approximately four hours worth of research. Enjoy!

There are seventy-eight tarot cards in a deck, so how do you pick just ONE? There were sooo many good options that I was considering for Sleepless, it was really tough! The Cups had a LOT of cards if I wanted to focus on his relationship with Doc, and Wands was a big contender too, but it would have been tricky to pick just one to sum up all of the internal stuff Sleepless had going on. I excluded the Pentacles because those were mostly focused on work life, and the Major Arcana was out of the question too because. I. I forget now but I think I wanted a challenge and none of the Major Arcana explanations were sparking anything for me. SO SWORDS IT WAS!

The Suit of Swords are kind of like the Suit of Wands, but it seemed to focus a lot more on how everything builds up because of external matters and what you do with it! For example there's some cards in this deck that deal with heartbreak, contending with your feelings, fixing mistakes, and even more! "BUT MERKLINS aren't those all things that Sleepless had to deal with?" Well, yes! From what I read, Tarot cards are used to reflect upon and even predict events that happen in your life. Heartbreak, rest, and distancing oneself are all individual matters that Sleepless, and anyone else, have gone through or overcome! But I wanted something that tied in really closely to zer role in In Your Dreams. If you think of some things Sleepless did during the blog, I IMAGINE that zer grand double-crossing redemption would be pretty high on that list!

So the Ten of Swords, and In Your Dreams. Ready for this? The Ten of Swords in its upright position carries a lot of heavy meanings about being betrayed, abandoned, befallen by a horrible fate, losing something or someone important to you, all of that and even more. It's the card that sends you crashing to the lowest that you've ever felt, and drives you to either give up or take ACTION. I believe ALL of these different meanings could be applied to Sleepless! I can't remember if we were given a precise explanation for what Sleepless did to earn the ire of the Mad Science Team, but Coomer did mention at some point that they never should have banished a mad scientist for being a Mad Scientist. So I imagine that means that whatever it was Sleepless did, it was hardly out of place for them! They were simply a Mad Scientist doing mad science, and suddenly EVERYONE was against them! Their closest allies, their friends, and even their partner. What do we call that? BETRAYAL! Sleepless probably felt BETRAYED. Everyone they cared about had seemingly abandoned them and. that was it! That was IT. He fucked up one time (he didn't even understand what he did was wrong) AND EVERYONE LEFT HIM FOR IT. Hence the five swords in his back: Benrey, Coomer, Bubby, Tommy, and Doc, who pierced RIGHT THROUGH HIS HEART.

But the Ten of Swords is also about moving on. About recovery and acceptance.

You see, Tarot cards have another interesting feature, in which reversing the card so it's upside-down changes the meaning. For the Ten of Swords, these altered meanings are about what comes from that anguish. What you do as a result of the grief and turmoil you were faced with. In some cases this is a solemn acceptance as you grow a new circle and start anew, and in others this is dealing with the emotional scars you were left with, and fighting to get back what you lost. The reversed Ten of Swords is meant to resolve whatever conflict it inflicted upon you from the upright position. How did Sleepless resolve that? What did ze do to recover from the pain zer friends caused zem? Well, after a little off-screen trial and tribulation... Ze found the man who hurt them. AND REPAID HIM THE FAVOR! Sleepless rode out the act they had been carrying to get in G-man's good graces, even confronting their friends and presenting those scars in a way that scraped at their hearts like little daggers, before finally driving their own sword (scissors) into the perpetrator and ending it ONCE AND FOR ALL. Sleepless followed through the entire meaning of the Ten of Swords. He was abandoned by his friends, left alone and betrayed. He braved out those feelings in solitude, coming to terms with what he did wrong and how his friends had hurt him. How they hadn't meant it. And finally, HE DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Sleepless made that effort to mend that bond he had lost, AND FOR THAT HE WAS REWARDED HANDSOMELY! Sleepless got his friends back. His team. His partner. They ALL learned from it. Everyone grew.

In the reversed position of the Ten of Swords, some people say that the image is meant to portray the healing process. The swords would have fallen out, and all that would remain would be the wounds, which would eventually heal and scar over with time. IT'S SIMPLY PERFECT FOR SLEEPLESS' CHARACTER ARC!

Ah ah ah, I'm missing something here, aren't I? "That's only six swords! This is Ten of Swords, where are the rest?" Well, the remaining "swords" are shown off by the chat bubbles in the background, which are meant to represent the messages on the blog! It's a metaphorical thing (: Every time the messages accused Sleepless, doubted his intentions, or said horrible things to him throughout his journey of healing and redemption. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but WORDS ARE SHARP AS SWORDS!

If you've made it to the end of this post, and survived reading my lengthy analysis, then I reward you now... WITH THE SKETCHES!!

[aenhanse]

DEAD POETS SOCIETY (1989) dir. Peter Weir, writ. Tom Schulman

[marmastry]

More 🦑🫶🏽🐙

[splep]

Joey pointing out my costume at the evening show !!!

this was WILD since this was a last minute closet cosplay and i only stood up because the people i was with were basically pushing me out my seat /pos

this was an incredible moment that genuinely healed 14 year old me who had eyes on prize on loop for days :))

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

I saw @qourmet's young madam lan art, and knew what I had to do.

[winterstarfall]

do you ever read the anastasia broadway script and just want to die

[shallowseeker]

"Better now."

[uselessgirldotcom]

i don’t like how we ended up with the most sanitized version of roman and menckens dynamic in season 4, which doesn’t fit the delirious energy they delivered in 3.06, and it’s not inconsequential to the plot because i’ve seen a lot of people complaining about not understanding Why roman would go so hard for the facist in 4.08…mencken is very deliberate about what he does and doesn’t say. he’s playing up brutal honesty and uninhibition but the man was plotting and scheming the second he saw roman sitting across the room. when he goes for roman of all people it’s not just opportunistic it’s predatory.

i wish they kept this moment in (sweet sweet psychosexual nonsense aside) it confirms how aware mencken is of the effect he has on roman and is clearly trying to dirty talk his way into presidency which makes his character a lot funnier and more terrifying at the same time.

a nice parallel to how gerri is also playing into that part of roman but she tries to use it to incentivize positive change and motivate / soothe him, while mencken is quite literally torturing roman and dangling something he knows is very precious in front of him. i feel like this little sexual innuendo alone changes a lot in how you perceive this dynamic making it a lot more cruel - it’s very fitting that the sibling Logan would pimp out every time he needed to flirt his way into someones pocket, would also be the one who ends up taken advantage of in this way. the sexual abuse metaphor of it all is really compelling.

this one im really mad about just because in the final cut roman immediately caves in and defends mencken for making fun of him which is pretty out of character. this exchange not only fits roman better but also shows that he’s well aware mencken is getting off on this not just because he has the power now but because that’s who he always was, he’s a sadist. roman knows what’s going on but he can’t help himself.

very consistent with romans reaction to the Hug. he struggles a bit, has to have the last word, the last quip. but he lets it happen. in a way he needs this to function.

[shehzadi]

[arithmonym]

my first exposure to the locked tomb was an excellent wolf 359 fic set in its universe (Signal Decay by fathomfive), so i decided to write the reverse!

i hope to post the first chapter of Dominicus 359 within the next few days. here’s a little snippet:

[merklins]

Mad Science Team headcanons

-Doc's goggles are not only for hiding their expressions better, but to tone down the mantis shrimp vision they got from the slip in the goo! Without them he's more easily overwhelmed, unable to focus, and he can even end up with some terrible headaches. Their team has a routine locked and loaded to help if her senses ever get to be too much

-Polite Benrey regularly wears a set of glowing cat ear headphones that can change colors. In a crunch they can [] his need for glowsticks, but he mostly uses them to convey his pronouns to his friends!

-Sunkist was the first project Doc ever worked on with Tommy! She was still in early development when he joined the Restricted Research Department, so Tommy was excited to have someone that was interested in helping. Harold or Bubby would have done it if he asked, but Doc's passion and curiosity were UNMATCHED!

-Bubby loves puzzles. Not the ones that make pictures, those are Harold's preference. Bubby enjoys the mind numbing, overly complicated puzzles. One of the first he introduced Doc to during his recovery from the goo was a 7 by 7 Rubiks cube. He convinced Harold that it was for some kind of test of character, but he was ECSTATIC when Doc's eyes lit up at the sight of it! The two of them spent the next hour engulfed in the puzzle as Doc excitedly worked away at it and Bubby watched with a HUGE grin. They're puzzle buddies now. Harold is going to [] someone if he finds one more communal drawer, door, or box sealed with an impossible lock.

-Sunkist was inspired by big, fluffy, double coated dogs, and his undercoat subtly reflects with the same colors as his sweet voice! Everyone loves the idea until spring comes around and two of their electrically charged scientists are covered in rainbow fur.

-Doc got Joshua after the "Resonance Cascade" killed his science team. The Resonance Cascade was entirely their fault, and the aliens would have appeared anyways, but it was G-Man's fault that the team died during it. She was so unbearably lonely during her attempts to bring her family back that she took in the headcrab as a companion. They've seen enough horror flicks with mad scientists to know that loneliness is where it all goes wrong, so now they have a friend! A friend who would rather eat his brains, but a friend nonetheless. When his team is finally revived they are surprised for sure, but they took a liking to Joshua after a while! Bubby will always be the parent who didn't want the pet but loves it regardless. Much to the [] of the team, Benrey walks around the lab with Joshua resting on his head. Joshua is a very good headcrab.

-Even though he keeps his Black Mesa uniform, Benrey pops the little collar he has to match his team. Since the very moment he did that someone has been VERY passionate about making him a new outfit to help him stand out from the other security guards.

-Originally Doc had a normal ground-level room in the lab like everyone else, but after perfecting his metal arm attachments he insisted on making himself a loft space instead. The lab doesn't have a loft, or so Harold thought until he saw Doc climbing into a gap in the ceiling like a spider. Within the metal beams, pipes, and other structural supports, Doc actually found themself a large hidden space! It does have a clear entrance, but it's a bitch to get to without the gadget she wears. Harold let her keep the loft space because of how incredibly comfortable she was able to make it, but the room in the lab is still Doc's so that they have an easily accessible place to sleep too.

-Harold and Spork would get along great. I don't have a clever elaboration for this one, but I know it's true.

-Polite Benrey inexplicably has sweet voice. He was the reason they even knew it existed and gave it to Sunkist, but they still have no idea why he can do that. Benrey doesn't have an explanation for it either , but he also doesn't care to find out more, so they all accept it as a Benrey thing and don't hassle him about it. The whole team has started calling it "Black Mesa sweet voice", so that anyone who catches wind of it will assume it's a typical Black Mesa project and leave him alone.

So many more thoughts too, but this post is getting long and I have places to be, so. Ten for now!

[americaisdead]

wilcox, arizona. september 2023

© tag christof

[1pcii]

my fave alabasta shipping dynamics is pre-established zolu playing matchmaker (how successful they are? eehhhh) for pining namivivi

[jjs-brainrot]

So I've finally read How Do We Relationship? by Tamifull

(spoilers for up to chapter 121 ahead)

What exactly is a relationship? Is it some natural part of the human experience where you pick a life partner? is it a social contract between individuals to ensure exclusive romantic and sexual feelings between each other? Is sex a requirement for a relationship? Is romance even?

I don't know to be honest. What I do know is this: How Do We Relationship? by Tamifull hit me like a truck and then backed up over the corpse.

It might be one of the most nuanced, unflinching and uncompromising works about understanding relationships I've read. I think, in general, a lot of romance fiction feels overly wishful. While I can certainly appreciate a good gushy and feel good romance, it kinda gets tiresome seeing the same "will they, won't they (they will eventually)" and "love at first sight (it works out even though they literally have no chemistry)" stories regurgitated over and over again.

So much of it just feels too fake for me. Like I'm not watching two characters come to understand and fall for each other, I'm watching two halves of a couple who only exist to be a couple. Chemistry? Completely optional! Hardships? Temporary and will only make them love each other more afterwards. Break ups? Reserved exclusively as a failure state or for purely abusive relationships…

What sets How Do We Relationship? apart from its peers is its commitment to understanding its characters as people rather than archetypes. People who each have their own wants, fears, feelings towards sex and romance and most importantly: their own personal definition of what a relationship should be. People who when confronted with each other think they understand how everything should go, only to find out that the other person has a completely different understanding that doesn't fully jive with theirs.

The only yuri series I can think of that does something similar is Yuri is My Job! by Miman. Yuri is My Job! focuses heavily on the idea of fake relationships in Class S stories with it frequently asking "what actually makes something a relationship?"

A lot of Yuri is My Job! is primarily a critique on Class S stories first (possibly also a direct refutation of Maria Watches Over Us… I still need to watch MariMite so I can't say for certain) with a lot of its characters being subversions of classic Class S archetypes. So a lot of its dissections of relationships are done in the context of Class S stories.

That being said, seeing a series directly refuting the idea of a relationship being static and instead coming to the conclusion that the only ones that can decide what a relationship is are the people involved? That stuck with me. How Do We Relationship? is far a more focused dissection of what it means to be in a relationship, or at least, what means for its particularly cast of characters.

Take, for instances, our two main characters: Miwa and Saeko

Miwa and Saeko start out as friends, but after coming out to each other and finding out they're both lesbians, they decide on a whim to date. At first glance, they seem like the perfect couple! After all, they bounce off of each other's personalities really well, enjoy each other's company (both out and about and in the bedroom) and in general seem to care for each other quite deeply. They were made for each other, right? Well, no.

They're both individuals with vastly different personalities, experiences and feelings from each other. Over time they begin to see things in their relationship that bother them. Mostly little things here and there. Nothing they want to start a fight over or strain their relationship over at first but… Small wounds still fester. It eventually finally comes to a head a little bit after Miwa visits her old crush in a high school reunion. It's very clear to both Saeko and Miwa that she hasn't actually gotten over her past feelings for her high school crush. What's more clear to Saeko is that Miwa doesn't feel the same level of love for her and she does for Miwa. Eventually they just… break up and go back to being friends.

In most romance stories, a break up is regularly seen as either the ultimate failure state for a relationship, a temporary set back for a relationship to overcome or purely as an escape valve from an abusive or just kind of shit relationship. The reality is that there many different reasons for a relationship to end.

Could Miwa and Saeko have worked it out? With the path they were heading down, no. Neither of them were willing to fully open up about their problems as both feared hurting the other. Which just ended up with them hurting each other even more. If they had continued the course, their break up might have been far more painful and resulted in them not being able to be friends any more.

And they do get to go back to being friends even after being exes!

I think back to my aunt who divorced her husband several decades ago. They ended their relationship but decided to remain close in part for their daughter's benefit. Over the years they've remained close friends and have gone back to living with each other as well. There's no hard rule that becoming exes means you have to fully cut each other off if that's not what you both want. Certainly there might still be mixed feelings between you both (Miwa and Saeko's relationship as friends certainly takes some huge bumps after they break up), but you shouldn't follow along with what society expects from you both in a relationship versus what you both want from YOUR relationship.

And that right there is Tamifull's thesis statement with How Do We Relationship?: don't determine how your life and relationships should be based on what society expects them to be.

Tamifull doesn't hold back anything when it comes to depicting how society treats relationships in general but also how it treats gay people in specific. While the physical danger of homophobia is always a constant that makes many queer people not want to be open with their queerness, being constantly other-ed in most social situations (whether intentionally or not) can frequently be reason enough to want to stay in the closet. Insensitive questions (that are more often born from ignorance rather than malice), being always seen as an outlier, frequently having to lie about who you like and a million other microaggressions that just build up as extra hardship in a queer relationships. Relationships are already not easy to keep together, but adding additional outside stressors can strain them even harder. Enter Shiho.

Shiho was Miwa's aforementioned high school crush whom she reconnected with during a high school reunion. After Miwa and Saeko's break up, Miwa started keeping up contact with her more and more and eventually has the opportunity to meet with her again. Miwa goes to meet with Shiho in order to confess her past feelings for her. Miwa is fully expecting to get turned down but when she meets Shiho, Shiho seems far more receptive and warm towards Miwa than she was expecting. Whatever mental protections Miwa had against the idea of actually having her feelings reciprocated crumbled as it seems like Shiho might have feelings for her as well? Could she actually get together with her old crush?

Unfortunately, while Shiho does have feelings for Miwa, she doesn't feel strong enough to deal with all the baggage that comes with being in a lesbian relationship with Miwa. She very clearly put a lot of thought into the subject, and while she does care for Miwa, she just can't put herself in a relationship with Miwa. Shiho isn't in the wrong about her own feelings and she doesn't invalidate Miwa's. But it still ends up breaking Miwa far more than if Shiho had out right rejected her.

External factors can have a major effect on relationships but internal factors have arguably far more impact on relationships. Namely: sex and romance. Or more specifically: how everyone has different levels of interest in sex and romance.

Figuring out that I was ace and aro took way longer than it probably should have. "I have no interest in having sex with someone but I still get off to porn so clearly I can't be ace!" was legitimately a thought that stopped me from fully embracing being ace for several years. Eventually I figured out that sex-repulsion isn't a requirement of being ace and that the ace spectrum covers a pretty wide variety of experiences under it and that my own is just as valid as the others.

Over the years I've had to engrave a pretty simple idea into my soul: there is no universal experience when it comes to sex and love. Regardless of whether you're allo, ace or aro, you'll have very different feelings towards sexual and romantic interest than everyone else. Let's take, for example, Rika.

Rika is one of the supporting straight characters of the cast. She's also arguably the most sexually active member of the main cast with easily the highest body count of them all. And yet she does not want a relationship past friends-with-benefits. I'm not sure if she's necessarily aro or just not currently interested in a romantic relationship, but the point is that the main thing she wants from her relationships is sex. And that is completely fine! It sucks that when she explains this to dudes she just fucked who want to start dating her that she only wanted a sexual relationship with them and they respond by thinking she must have some family issues that make her so sexually active (she doesn't) or they respond derogatorily that she's just a slut. That's just part of who she is, there is nothing wrong with her. If she was a guy, it wouldn't even raise an eyebrow.

And then on the flip side, you have Tamaki.

Some time after Miwa recovered from her heartbreak over Shiho (and after being sex friends with Saeko again for a bit), Miwa starts dating a year younger kouhai by the name of Tamaki. Tamaki is asexual/alloromantic, she very much has romantic feelings for Miwa and even enjoys kissing and looking at Miwa's body, but she has a very low sex drive. Miwa, on the other hand, has a pretty high sex drive. Tamaki and Miwa together might be one of the best depictions of an allosexual and asexual relationship I've ever seen.

I've know a number of aspecs who've gone through a similar situation as Miwa and Tamaki. Some are certainly able to come to an understanding with their allo partners about each other sexuality, personal boundaries and fulfilling each other's needs in a way that's healthy for both parties. But a lot end up in similar situations as Miwa and Tamaki.

Where in one or both partners feel like they're hurting each other. Some aces feel guilt over not being able to provide for their partner's sexual needs, even if their allo partner assures that them feeling comfortable is far more important to them. Some allos might feel like they're raping their ace partners when they have sex, even if their ace partner expressly gives consent because they want satisfy their partner's needs, even if they themselves don't get anything out of the experience. If you get both together, you end up with a feedback loop of self hatred where the ace person sees their own lack sexual interest as actively harming the person they love and the allo person sees themselves as a monster for wanting to have sex with the person they love.

It's a toxic situation to be in, but it's also one that's hard to leave as both parties feel they themselves are in the wrong and their solutions to correct their error (the allo refraining from asking for sex and the ace more freely offering up sex) just lead to the situation escalating to the point of serious damage to one or both parties.

And unfortunately, that seems to have happened to Miwa. As of writing this, we're at chapter 121 so we're still early on the current arc, but it's looking like Miwa breaking up with Tamaki has done a number on her sex drive. I'm no expert on fluctuations in sexual interest due to trauma, so I won't dive too deeply into this (especially since we're still so early in the new arc). However, associating your sex drive as something that's actively harming your partner to the point that you leave them even though you still love them? Yeah, that's going to cause some damage.

I could ramble on and on about other aspects and topics that How Do We Relationship? does so well (Yuria/Saeko insecurities and dependencies, Saeko/Miwa's brief stint as friends-with-benefits, etc), but I've already said far, far more then I was originally already planning to say. So I think I might have save them for some future posts if I remember them.

So to finally end this now very long essay, I return to my original question: "what exactly is a relationship?"

I don't know, I ain't a cop. Whatever you and your partner(s) say it is, is what it is. But watch out though!

[stewykablooey]

every few months we gotta ‘end of an era’ say goodbye to succession forever. worst most painful time loop imaginable.

[stalactites]

trap > longlegs