#lucky again is just. so hopeful like ......!!! maybe if i keep going good things might just happen (granted im working towards it)
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making lucky again my ✨️🔮manifesting🕯 song, thank you louis for sharing your songs with us
#i love the vibe of this song sm#dlibyh as my comfort song (forever n always) the greatest & paradise for when im unmotivated‚ change when i wanna be wistful#angels fly as a comfort song too it's just . the sound of it#lucky again is just. so hopeful like ......!!! maybe if i keep going good things might just happen (granted im working towards it)#paradise too...😔🫶🏼 shes moving up in my ranking#hoth bridge for when . for when im frustrated LOL God it would be. cathartic screaming these lyrics on tour#also i recently listened to defenceless & walls and like. im fr fighting louis for dismissing (bad word) them 😭#the vulnerability in those songs..... sometimes i cant believe louis shares his precious songs loaded with emotion with us#(<- dumb thought bc. thats what all artists do??!?!?! lol idc it's. different!!!!)#uurghrghrg love love love louis' music 😔 just. something about it is So special and warm and personal to me#i hope he never stops making music 😭
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TEEN IN A TIM BURTON MOVIE DIET 🦴🌫️
(inspired by @honeysugarfree)
.˚⊹.🎃₊˚𖦹⋆
You wake up with one thing on your mind: going out for a walk in the woods. But you can’t. You’re a teenager who has school, and your parents would kill you if you skipped school.
It’s too early to eat anything. Pass the time playing with your cat or simply reading by the window as the sun rises.
School is so boring when all you’re craving is a nice cup of warm soup or hot chocolate prepared by your mum. Whatever, you’ll suffer in silence and snack on whatever fruits you threw into your bag this morning.✧˖°.☾
For lunch, you’ll have leftovers from yesterday. roasted/baked/boiled veggies accompanied by rice or wheat. you don’t eat it all; it’s cold, and not that nice at all… Maybe your parents packed you a sandwich instead? make sure you don’t eat the crusts, though. they’re the worst part.
If you’re lucky, you might’ve even added one of your bakes as dessert (low cal pastry/cookie), or a small yoghurt. if you didn’t, don’t fret. your parent didn’t forget to include a fruit or veggie for health.
(¬ ´ཀ` )¬
Back home at last — not before you went on a small walk, though. your parents were worried about where you’d gone off too again, and you’re greeted by a warm broth/soup, or some more baked veggies.
you don’t finish your plate unless your walk was very tiring. you’re too eager to finish that book you started!
Once in a while, you might be allowed a piece of cake or some hot chocolate. not everyday, though. that would be bad for your teeth!
End the day with a cup of tea, reading under a warm blanket with a piece of your favourite chocolate or sweet. 🍂☕️🐈⬛
MEAL IDEAS I LOVE:
Chickpeas in tomato sauce with rice
Whole bread sandwich without the crust: tomato, cheese and cucumber (ham if you want, i’m vegetarian c:)
Ratatouille or Shakshuka with wheat/bulgur
Apple sauce cookies (i can share a good recipe if you want)
Pasta/zucchini gratin
Lasagna (spinach or veggies with tomato sauce - or mince, once again, i’m vegetarian)
potatoes (sweet is even better) with broccoli
Mushrooms with bread
Tomato salad (vinegar, herbs, olive oil)
Lentil/corn cakes with cream cheese
Pumpkin pie
Vegetable broth (or chicken) with vegetable dices
Potato soup
Tomato orzo soup
Mashed potatoes with lentils
Lentil soup
Beetroot (it’s so good even on it own)
REMEMBER!
You always prefer ‘halloween’ themed pastries — involving apples, pumpkin, carrots…
Eating isn’t a bother, you’re just a slow eater. don’t hesitate to share your love for sweets, while keeping consummation low.
You get tired of veggies so much! never finish a meal you don’t like.
Your favourite candy is liquorice, and most halloween themed ones like acorn or hard candy
Keep the chocolate low. it’s too heavy and nauseating!
If you must, have a piece of nutella/peanut butter and jelly toast, oats, or milk with fruits in the morning. i promise it’s much better than those ‘healthy’ alternatives (makes you satisfies and low calorie if you only have one)
No crisps — they’re too oily and dirty your books. Pop corn is so much better (and lower in cols) — caramel or pumpkin spice is a staple!
Cinnamon on apples… the best treat!
If you ever eat out with family, eat only a third of the meal and get the rest to pack. it’s so good you want to make it last!!
Bake and cook as much as you can! This will make your parents understand what you like, and not push to make you eat those gross overly fat foods.
Try to stay under 1,000 kcals, but don’t count calories obsessively. keep portions small and always leave a third of your plate.
Have fun!
(i’ll make a moodboard with meals etc, i hope you enjoy!)
#@nor3xia#light as a 🪶#⭐️rving#4norexla#@n@ diary#⭐️ve#4n@diary#4nor3xia#@na bvtt3rfly#@n@ tips#4n4t1ps#4n0rexic#4n4blr#@na motivation#@nor3×14#@tw edd#@na vent#diet#honey diet#inspiration#unhealthy wl#starv1ng#tim burton#halloween#mealsp0#⭐️ ing motivation#wieiad#3d not sheeran#weight loss#3d
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Diet Diaries
Hi all! Thank you so much for 500 followers! Here's a little style switch up to celebrate, got a lotta refs in this one and I quite leaned into the diary entries so I hope it's not too much! Hope y'all enjoy this stereotype reversal and as always, best! -Occam
Monday March 21st-
Andy:
I am beyond sick of Steve. Moving in together was a mistake, I don’t care how cheap the rent is, he is a narcissistic slob and I am eager to never see him again. Well no, I shouldn’t get ahead of myself. Our R.A. had this idea to try and walk in each other's shoes, which I don’t know? It might not be the worst thing? My big idea was switching diets actually- honestly I’m just hoping if he ate more like me he’ll stop stinking up the dorm. I can dream at least. Literally though he just can’t go to the gym as often if he eats like me. If I'm lucky at the very least his deodorant will last longer, I cannot take another day of his b.o. seeping through the walls, ugh! Anyway, wish me luck! I’m sure this will be a breeze for me, he usually just eats junk anyway, hope he enjoys my salads~
Steve:
Andy that little fucker. He was being such a little bitch to James and now I’ve gotta eat his rabbit food for a week or lose this bet or whatever. Steve don’t lose tho. Lil twink’s gotta eat whatever I make him too and you can bet your ass I’m gonna make him match my macros if I’ve gotta starve myself like he wants. Fuck! This shit is going to absolutely tank my routine! I’ve gotta make Andy give up. I’m gonna go so hard on him he’ll have to hit weights if he doesn't want to blow up like a pig. Maybe then he’ll stop bitching any time I don’t fucking shower every time I get back home.
Tuesday March 22nd-
Andy:
My Lord! He is trying to kill me! I don’t know how anyone could consistently eat as much as he’s telling me to. I’m so bloated from all this food.. He looks so smug every time he tells me to keep eating, I’m sure he doesn’t eat like this. He’s just trying to break me but I’m not going to let him win this easy.
Ugh, I feel so bloated my pants are so tight on my waist. I didn’t think meat sweats were a thing but man I am needing to put on deodorant like twice a day now and I’m not even exercising. I will say that now that I’m eating so much, I don’t hate the idea of going to the gym. It’s been a while since I went but I should probably at least hit up the treadmill lest I get even more of a gut- maybe I’ll see if he wants to go tomorrow. This is all just an exercise to understand each other more after all, no need to make it a stupid competition like he wants eh~
Steve:
Fuck! I am so tired of Andy’s pussy-ass diet. I had absolutely no energy at the gym today, I told all my bros that I was just gonna take it easy but fuck! I really was working my ass off and I struggled to even meet a PR I set last week. It was supposed to be a push day and I didn’t even get a chest pump! Why the fuck am I still going. I’m abso-fucking-lutely not getting gains on his fuckin’ bitch-ass salads and oats.
Eatin’ like a fucking twink and the fucker has the nerve to ask to go to the gym with me tomorrow. I’ll make sure he regrets that >:) Gonna work him like a horse so he’ll throw in the towel! After feeling how sore actually working on yourself makes ya, he might actually learn something. I’ll turn in early so I can go all out and show him what a real man looks like.
Wednesday March 23rd-
Andrew:
Man! I totally get why Steven eats so much now~ I am absolutely raring to go and get this; He said I could go to the gym with him today! He even seemed like he wanted me to go with him! I feel like I have more energy than I’ve ever had before, I might even try some weights!! I don’t know but I’m so excited! It’s like I can feel my chest and biceps begging me to go and hit some iron haha! Or whatever those “bros” say~ I hope he’s got something good planned for lunch because I fuck Sorry! I just want to show him that I can do all this dude stuff too! I’m a man right? I guess all this protein is making me feel more like a man than usual idk. Either way though I’m ready to go! Hope we have some fun!
Steven:
That bitch’s fuckin’ fru fru salads are ruining my PR’s for sure! I bet he knew that when he begged me to take him to the gym today, knew it was the only time he could show off to me was when I’m so out of it. And he didn't! Just to be clear I could still wipe the floor with him even if I’m not at my A-game. Ugh, I do gotta hand it to the little fucker though. I KNOW he hasn’t even really set foot in a gym before but man. Beginners luck my ass, as soon as I showed him a technique he lifted like he’s been doing it his whole life! It’s like I could see his pecs and tris swelling up with each lift. Not that I was staring at the bitch or anything but he’s just I just need this fuckin’ diet thing to end so I can get back to my grind, I guess I wouldn’t hate taking him to the gym more often, would be hot to make a bitch into a bro Fuck! What am I writing, I just need to lift again.
Thursday March 24th-
Andrew:
Bro! Weird? Whatever, I am absolutely on fire! Steven’s diet is absolutely killer! I don’t know how it’s working so well but man I couldn’t care less, I felt like a pro in there! My coaches in school would always shit on me for not trying but man! I was barely trying yesterday but I could tell from the look on Steven’s face that I was acing it! I guess I’ll have to admit to him that he is definitely onto something with his macros but man, not until he gives up haha! Man, I need to chill haha, it’s not like I’m any stronger than I was Monday but man, looking at myself in the mirror it just seems like my clothes are just fitting better. Catching on my chest rather than my stomach y’know? I’ve never noticed that there is muscle on my arms before but man the way my sleeves are kinda hugging my biceps mm. I need to chill haha! Can’t use all my energy before hitting the gym again today!
OH! Also totally weird, I’ve had to shave twice this week! Once last night and then again this morning which is so weird! I’m not complaining though, it’s not like I wouldnt look hot with a beard right? Although my face is a little itchy already, my chest too? Whatever though haha! Time to head back to the grind lol!
Steven:
God!! Andy Andrew is being such an asshole! He’s clogging the sink shaving which I know he would so be on my ass if I had done that. Wait, he did get on my ass for shaving! But it hasn’t been a problem this week, it’s like I’m not even growing stubble for some reason? Probably from not working so hard at the gym, is that how that works? Whatever it’ll be over as soon as this stupid diet thing is. We’re halfway through now. Thank God! Because that fucking twink is starting to stink up the dorm which again!! He was such a little bitch all the time to me about that! It’s like he’s literally stopped using deodorant as soon as he started needing it! He’s never exerted himself in his life and now that his pits are sweating at all he’s suddenly allergic to hygiene, ugh! I saw last night too the fucker fell asleep with his head in his pit too so it’s not like he doesn’t know it.
It was a little surprising actually, cause I would’ve sworn he was hairless like one of those freak cats but man his pit was as thick as my pubes! Thicker maybe, uh? Man I wish I could get that image out of my head, it’s like the tuft was pushing out further each time he inhaled, man that’s kinda hot? Fuck! I swear this twink-ass diet is making me think like him too. I need to sneak to the gym later, without him. I cannot have him getting ahead even while I’m still on his chickenshit diet.
Friday March 25th-
Steven:
Ah!! That Little bitch! He was already at the gym when I got there! Ugh! It makes me want to punch a wall, or fight him. Or something I dont know! It’s just, he was lifting my body weight on the bench when he saw me, it was so ho ugh! It doesn’t matter what it was, I can’t stop thinking of that smug look on his face- what I would give to wipe it off… That absolute prick knew what he was doing. Ugh, speaking of pricks! He may as well have not been wearing shorts at all by how much his cock was showing through them.
I knew my meal prepping was fucking tight but man, I can’t believe hot its made him. It just really fucking turns me on, or no its such a turn on for chicks. Yeah. Whatever. I need this bet to end already. Clearly he’s totally obsessed with my lifestyle so he should just admit it already! Also, hate to say it, but to Andrew’s credit his diet ain't too bad either. I’d never tell him this, and it is all a little emasculating but my skin has never looked this good. I’m not even doing skincare or anything but it’s like I’ve been on a routine for years, it’s crazy! It’s still ruining my upper gains but man, my ass looks so good it's crazy..
Oh also re: facial hair, I woke up this morning and could’ve sworn I used to have chest hair but now it looks like I’ve got just a little left around my nipples and leading up from my pubes? I might go ahead and shave those too, might as well be totally smooth like a chick right haha, I wonder what Andrew would think? I need to chill haha, maybe I’ll go see if he’s still at the gym~
Andrew:
Fuuuuck dude lol. I should’ve started hitting up the gym ages ago. Don’t know what I was even wasting time on before I started doing twice-a-days? Studying I guess but I can figure that shit stuff out hm. Fuck it is so much better to be strong than a dweeb. Every set it feels like I’m just busting out new PR’s! Gonna need to buy new clothes though cause I am absolutely tearing up my crop tops, my twinky little wardrobe just isn’t cutting it anymore. Maybe Steven’d be down for a clothes swap, I’ve seen him eying up my fits all week, god knows he’ll fit them better lol. Oh haha, and speaking of him eying things up >:) You should’ve seen his little face blush when he walked into the gym this morning! He looked so pissed at me lol, but I’m not gonna grab him to come along every time I need to get some sets in right? It was pretty embarrassing for him yesterday anyway, the way I showed him up lol. I’m not just gonna sit around and watch him not lift weights when I can figure this shit out myself, thought it was supposed to be his thing though lol.
Mm, saying that though, I def didn’t hate having a little audience from his treadmill. God, his blushing face as he stared directly at my work-out chub. Fuck, it really got me going. It really helped my sets too haha. Maybe I should hit him up lol, I can tell how bad he wants me >:)
Saturday March 26th-
Stevie:
Ugh! That douche is walking around the dorm completely shirtless! Do you know what it’s like to have an oaf flexing away across the room from you 24/7! He knows what he’s doing, and thank god my dick isn’t showing through my shorts like I thought it usually does because he might literally pounce on me then-
Ugh! I didn’t even mention this morning. I literally woke up to him jacking off his morning wood! Do you know what a bitch-fit he would have thrown if I did that! He would’ve filed a police report, probably the dweeb, or. I guess I could too?? But it was just so fucking hot. I tried to pretend I was asleep, but he totally caught me. He literally smirked and made eye contact as he finished too- thank god he didn’t see my boner as he asked if I wanted to clean up his mess. He’s such an ass!
I still have a boner now actually, it’s his B.O. driving me actually crazy! It’s like I can’t think near him if he’s going to stink this bad god.. Oh, he’s doing pullups on the door frame fuck. He’s supposed to be hairless but I see sweat dripping from his pits god I can't. God with each pull up his chest looks even more powerful. His cock is bobbing up and down in his pants and I can not look away. Fuck it’s getting even bigger. I’m supposed to be the strong one right? It’s not, fuck. This isn’t right. He just so fucking, god that body, I need him-
And Drew:
Heh. I knew that fucking twink couldn’t resist me. Every little thing I do wraps him even tighter around my finger. Every flex and smirk turns him on even more I bet he can’t even think straight the way his little dick is losing it in his briefs- I took all his jocks since I’m sure he would need them anymore. Bet the little bitch didn’t even remember they were his.
Might as well have been drooling when he saw me jacking my cock this morning lol, surprised he didn’t take me up on the offer to lick up the mess. I know he wanted to lol. He’ll get the chance soon enough though >:) God it’s a two-way street though. That fucking twink is so fuckable now, thank god he doesn’t need to shave anymore, don’t want his peachfuzz scratching my cock cause god that mouth is so fuckable now.. To say nothing of his fucking juicy ass, god! I’ve been working out in the room all morning waiting for him to give in and ask me to fuck him, idk if I can hold it in much longer. I might need to jack it again, my balls are bluer than I ever thought they could be, fuck. It’s like they're sore. Ugh I feel them getting heavier, heh, that little fucker cant resist though. God I feel precum starting to pool in my jock. If I put my pit within a foot of his face I give him five before he can’t help but shove his face in. I need to fuck him, but as if I’m going to let him see how desperate I am. Stevie that little fucker. He’ll be riding my cock any second now.
Sunday March 27th-
Stevie:
Fuck <3 !! He finally fucked me!! God, it was like nothing I’ve experienced before~ His cock was like a beer can and goddd the scratch of his beard as we were making out.. Hehe if I keep thinking about him I might just cum again right now! He can fully toss my body like a ragdoll and I’d thank him ugh! He’s just so hot, and to think he wants to fuck me!! Ah~ I’ll need to keep myself pretty so he won’t get tired of me hehe! Not that it’ll be a problem, I just need to keep on his diet, God who knew it would be this good! I don’t even remember whatever problems we had before all this and I can’t imagine anything better than getting fucked by him <3 Ah! He he~ He’s staring at my ass right now so I guess it’s time for another round! Can’t thank our R.A. enough for this idea, well he he I’ve got an idea for how to thank him, oh! Drew’s ripped off his jock! Wish me luck he he~
Drew:
My little bitch is so tight, fuck. I’m surprised he can even take my cock but god can he ride it. Gonna have a hard time taking a break from fucking him to even hit the gym. Need to make sure the twink keeps up the diet tho or we’ll have an issue. Be sure to make him come to the gym whenever I do, if not to tighten up then to watch me heh. Won’t hate fucking him in the locker room too. Mm, God his fucking tiny body makes me feel so powerful. And I fucking am. God my bis are the size of his thick thighs, fuck his ass. My cock is straining my jock just thinking about it. His tiny waist ugh, I need my sweaty body over him now. Not like he’ll mind, the horny fucker. Mmm hope he’s ready to take my cock, bet his mouth is already watering heh. Pop my pecs at him and he’ll struggle not to cum on the spot, he better keep it together until I let him though. Can’t be having my bitch blow his load that fast. Thank fuck he’s chilled out finally, though I guess my cock’ll work wonders on anyone >:) speaking of it’s about that time again. Hope he’s ready for some more action, hate to have to find another hole.
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Lessons of Love
Summary: So, Nerd!Natasha and Fem!R, their first date and everything fluffy. I just have a lot of thoughts about them and maybe this will be a series (and it will eventually contain G!P Natasha so if that's not your thing, you've been warned). Nerd!Natasha x Fem!Rogers Reader
Don’t count the days, make the days count.
Natasha’s father had told her that as if it was ancient wisdom and not a fortune cookie message.
It was also easier to say it when you didn’t have to attend high school. There were days when she couldn’t cope with it, like when the football team was agitated before a match, or there was some drama around the most popular people in school.
Those times were a stark reminder that Natasha had no one to talk to, a confidant to mock the jocks or a friend to share the gossip with.
Genius comes with a cost.
That one was her mom’s way of comforting Natasha.
She was the smartest person in school, miles above her peers. What she didn’t have in social intelligence, she more than made up with a sharp, quick and brilliant mind.
But as she entered the chem lab, and took a seat at the last table where she was always alone, Natasha wished that things could be different.
If only for a day.
“Morning, everyone” professor Fury greeted as people went to their seats. “You might have heard about an explosion during class” the few giggles that were heard were quickly silenced by Fury’s glare. “So, to keep this from happening again, we’ll switch the teams for the rest of the semester”
Natasha’s heart raced. What if people could choose and then she’d end up front of the class, everyone staring because no one picked her?
“So, alphabetically” Fury read the list, Natasha going over the name that was before hers…
Rogers.
She looked at you, sitting next to Wanda on one of the first tables. You waved at the twins when their names were called, laughing at Wanda’s annoyed stare. Being paired with her brother meant she’d do most of the work while he fooled around.
“Rogers and Romanoff”
Natasha saw you gathering your things and looking around. When you found her, a smile broke out and you walked to join her in the back of the room.
How does one greet the most popular girl in school? Head of cheerleaders, little sister of legendary quarterback Steve Rogers, not to mention the most beautiful girl in all of Shield High.
Not that Natasha was paying attention.
“Hey, Natty” you greeted, sitting next to her and looking around. “Wow, you can really see everything from here”
“I-I guess”
Natasha wanted to crawl under the table and hide. What was she supposed to talk about?
“Guess it’s my lucky day” you said, unable to deal with the silence. Natasha had a hard time understanding if you were being sarcastic. “I mean, you’re the capitan of the Science Club. So, that makes you the best partner anyone could hope for in Chemistry”
Natasha didn’t have time to answer, as Fury finally started with the lesson. Once he gave you all the instructions and wrote some exercises on the board, everyone went silent. Of course, Natasha was done in half the time.
“Show off” you teased and felt your heart beating faster when Natasha actually laughed.
“Want help?” she offered and you went over your notes, nodding.
“I think I got most of them except… this one?” you pointed with your pencil. Natasha leaned, reading again and pulling her chair closer to yours.
“You see, when you choose a coefficient, try to select one as low as possible”
“And that would affect all of the atoms in the molecule” you said and Natasha nodded. “Ok, I think I got it”
But the redhead kept staring as you began to write again, and you poked her side.
“Stop it, Romanoff”
You went back to work, missing the way Natasha blushed at the physical contact.
“Good. Now, I want you to get to know each other even better, so you’ll do a project for next class. Do not sass me, youths” Fury raised his voice as everyone began to protest.
“We’ve known each other our whole lives, can we skip this one?” Pietro said while pointing to his sister, and everyone laughed.
“No” Fury said, turning to write on the board again. “Do some research on why it’s important to balance chemical equations and what other parts of chemistry rely on this skill. Bonus points for concrete examples where it helped advance important research on other fields”
He dismissed the class, and everyone began to pack their bags to move to the next session.
“So… uh… how do you wanna do this? Wanna meet somewhere?” Natasha said, unfamiliar with team projects. Teachers would let her work alone, because pairing her with someone meant she’d do all the work and split the credit.
“Yeah, not my place though. The boys have their weekly pool game after football practice and they can get so loud” you rolled your eyes, walking out of the classroom next to the girl.
Natasha’s stomach turned at the idea of being anywhere near the school jocks.
“So, the school library?” you offered, giving her a way out in case her house was off limits.
“I think my mom has more books about it than the library”
Damn it, where did that come from? She couldn’t handle a class with you and now she was suggesting her place? Where would you even work? And Melina would make some embarrassing remark, or Alexei would ask a million questions and say something silly…
“Yeah, cool. I’ll stop by after cheerleading practice”
“Let me give you the address”
“Natty, I know where you live” you chuckled, surprised that she seemed surprised. “Remember your birthday party? I was there”
“That was like seven years ago”
“Yeah, so? I remember” you smiled. “Gotta run, see you later”
Natasha stared as you walked to History class. You turned around one last time, smiling shyly and waving at her.
Natasha waved back, her cheeks turning red at being caught staring.
Crap, she wasn’t going to survive this assignment.
—
You went up the steps, fixing your hair before ringing the doorbell.
God, how were you going to manage this afternoon with Natasha? You were barely able to keep it together during class.
You were still torn on how to manage your fight or flight response when the door opened.
“Y/N!” Natasha’s sister practically shouted your name.
“Hey, Yelena. I’m here to…”
“You know my name” the girl said.
“Well, yeah, you’re Nat’s sister”
Speak of the devil.
“Yelena!” Natasha went down the stairs in record time.
“What?” Yelena said, talking back as soon as Natasha switched to Russian. They went back and forth for a while, and you stood outside, wondering if you’d ever manage to get in.
“Sorry about that” Nat finally turned to you, Yelena leaving the room in a rush.
“No worries. I couldn’t understand you. Literally”
“My room’s this way” Natasha said, scratching the back of her neck.
A second later, she regretted letting you go up the stairs first. Your skirt moved with each step you took, toned legs in full display. Natasha had to pray she wouldn’t trip on the way up.
“Which door?” you turned to look at her, her ears red. You bit your lip, trying not to think how adorable she looked all flustered.
“The one on the right” she pointed and you nodded, waiting for her to tell you it was ok to open it.
“Wow” you said, looking around at the shelves full of books and scale models of different machines.
“You can take the chair if you want” Natasha offered her desk, and you were so busy reading the titles of the books you almost didn’t hear her.
“Oh, that’s ok. I can sit on the bed” you said, placing your backpack in the corner. You pulled out your laptop and opened a new tab. “I was thinking we can get all the info we need, and then decide how to organize it. I’ll write a draft and you can review it”
It was Natasha’s turn to be distracted, appreciating the way you leaned against her headboard, stretching your arms above your head.
“I-I got some books from my mom’s study. Let me find the right one…” she sat on the floor and you laid on your stomach, your heads at the same height as you looked over her shoulder.
Natasha began reading and taking notes, while you reviewed some articles on your laptop.
“Ready”
“Ok” you said, changing to sit next to her on the floor. Natasha felt your shoulder against her arm, and your sweet parfume invaded her senses.
You always smelled good. And looked so pretty. It was hard to focus but she managed just enough to dictate some of the things she’d found useful.
“You don’t have to write this down, but let me know if you think any of it is interesting for the paper” she said, and you really wanted to pay attention, but your eyes kept drifting to her lips. “Y/N?”
“Huh?”
“Sorry, I’m boring you” Natasha said, closing the book and looking dejected. She was about to put it away when you reached for her hand, sitting up.
“Now hold on. You weren’t boring me”
“It’s ok”
“Nat, look at me” you asked. The redhead seemed to forget you had moved closer when you reached for her hand, and when she turned to look at you, you were inches apart.
“I…”
Was she looking at your lips? Were you leaning forward? Did she want this?
You didn’t have time to find out, as the door to Natasha’s room opened and you jumped back.
“Oh! Yelena was telling the truth”
“Hi, Mrs. Romanoff” you greeted, hoping she didn’t notice your cheeks turning pink.
“Y/N, it’s so good to see you. Why are you sitting on the floor? Natalia, where are your manners?”
“Mom”
“No, that’s ok. I prefer the floor. Your hydrengias are looking spectacular, by the way” you tried to change the subject.
“Thanks to you! You were right about the change of place. Oh, I should have sent you a plate of cookies, you helped me with it and I didn’t even thank you”
“That’s ok, Mrs. Romanoff”
“Well if you want to stay for dinner, you’re more than welcomed” Melina turned to her daughter, with a more serious demeanor. “And you, remember to put those books right where they belong. I have a very particular system”
“Yes, Ma’am”
“So…”
“I…”
You both spoke at the same time.
“Sorry” you tried to breathe, putting a strand of hair behind your ear. “You were saying?”
“I didn’t know you spoke to my mom about flowers?”
“Oh, that” you blushed and Natasha bit her lip, drinking in every word you said. “Yeah, Mom and I ran into her at the farmer’s market. They were talking about plants and we gave her some tips. That’s how we spend quality time, working on the garden”
Natasha nodded, but you still stared at her.
“Can I ask you something?” you said, looking at her lips. Natasha swallowed and nodded. “I… uh… why was Yelena acting weird when she saw me?”
That’s not what you meant to ask, but you had lost your courage.
“Oh…” the redhead looked disappointed. Or were you imagining things? “She’s obsessed with joining the cheerleading squad, and you being the President…”
“I’m not, anymore” you blurted out, surprising even yourself. “I mean, I’m still on the team… but I thought Pepper would do a better job”
“But they won the Nationals last year because of you” Natasha protested, and you were taken aback by her sudden rage. “There’s no one better than you”
“That’s really sweet, Nat” you placed your hand on hers. “But it’s for the best. Trust me. I’ll have more time to focus on the school paper or… I don’t know, dating?”
“I guess you could do that…” Natasha said, looking at your hands. For the second time in the day, your eyes found hers and then traveled to those beautiful lips.
“Y/N!”
Bucky shouted from the door. Damn it.
“My ride’s here” you said, disappointed. Natasha nodded, standing up and offering her hand to help you up. You took it, surprised at her strength.
A gasp left your lips when you were face to face, inches away from her lips. All you had to do was step forward and stand on your toes…
“Y/N/N” Bucky insisted and you had to control the urge to tell him to go to hell.
“Sorry. I have enough notes to write something. Can I text you once it’s done?”
“Sure, let me give you my number”
“I already have it…” you blurted out, trying to hide your face.
“How?”
Now, this time you were grateful for Bucky’s insistence.
“Coming, Buck! See you later?”
“Yeah. I’ll walk you out”
You nodded, allowing Natasha to lead you to the front door. Her father, coach Romanoff, was chatting with Bucky at the door.
“Good practice today” Alexei said and Bucky nodded.
“Thanks, coach” he then turned to you, offering his hand to get your bag. “Ready to go, doll?”
“Yeah. Thanks for having me, Nat. Say bye to your mom and Yelena for me?”
“Sure”
An uncomfortable feeling took over Natasha as you walked next to Bucky, watching him take your bag and carry it for you. You laughed at something he said while he opened the car door for you and then drove away.
“They make a cute couple, don’t they?” Alexei said, but Natasha shrugged her shoulders and went back to her room, almost knocking Melina over on the way up the stairs. “Did I say something wrong?”
—
Natasha felt weird doing it, but she couldn’t help herself.
She only opened an Instagram account to watch cool science videos. But she knew your username because Yelena followed you and now, she was acting like a creep, looking at your profile.
In search of what? She wasn’t sure. Maybe proof that you were dating Barnes.
“Hey” Yelena walked into her room and Natasha dropped her phone. “Ew, were you watching porn?”
“What? No! What do you want?” Natasha said, the blush in her cheeks only making her seem guilty.
“Well, just wanted to ask you if Y/N mentioned anything about this year’s tryouts?”
“No, we didn’t really talk about… that”
Natasha didn’t mention the conversation you had about stepping down as president. She had a feeling that was private.
“Ok, go back to watching porn” Yelena said, closing the door before Natasha could throw a pillow her way.
Then, her phone pinged and Natasha looked at it as if it was a cursed object.
Unknown number: Hey, Nat. I have a draft ready. Lmk if I can send it to you
Natasha: Hi. Sure thing, I’m not doing anything
Damn it, way to be a loser, Natasha.
She didn’t even wait a few minutes to reply.
Y/N: Ok, should be on your email now.
Natasha: Thnx, reading now.
Y/N: Gotta get ready for dinner. It was nice seeing you today.
Y/N: Outside of school, I mean.
Y/N: So… yeah. Anyway. I’m being weird, haha. Talk soon.
Y/N: XO
Natasha’s heartbeat sped up with every new text. She caught herself reading them over and over again.
She didn’t have time to worry about what to reply, because her mother came knocking.
“Dinner’s ready. You can take your time… Yelena told me you were busy.”
“Oh, my GOD!” Natasha jumped out of bed, opening the door. “I am not… watching porn!”
“She said you were stalking Y/N’s instagram” Melina said, turning to find her youngest daughter holding a laugh.
“сука” Natasha screamed, running after her.
“Papa, help!” Yelena screeched, going down the stairs.
“Language! And no running inside the house!”
Melina sighed. With the way Natasha was looking at you today, she had a feeling that parenting was going to be even more complicated now.
--
Throughout the week, you never left Natasha’s mind. It was a strange feeling. She’d never dwelled on social interactions that much, thinking it wasn’t worth her time.
But still, when Friday came, she was excited because you shared English class as well.
And there you were, leaning against the door, speaking to Barnes. Again. Natasha sighed, trying to ignore the heavy feeling in her stomach at the way you laughed with him, smacking his arm playfully.
As usual, the redhead kept her head down and went to the last table of the classroom, where she could be left alone. Only, you walked straight to her as soon as Professor Harkness started the lesson.
“Hey” you greeted, sitting next to Natasha.
“H-hi”
“Sorry, do you want me to find another place to sit?” you said, looking around the room.
“No!” Natasha practically shouted, making you flinch. “I’m sorry. No, you can sit here”
You nodded, occupying the chair next to hers. It was going to be a slow day, as Ms. Harkness set up the projector to show a documentary about Patricia Highsmith.
“You have to write a report about this so pay attention” the professor said, taking a seat to start the film.
While the documentary played, your mind kept drifting back to Natasha, sitting a few inches away from you. Truth be told, you had always found her to be beautiful, intriguing… but after spending an afternoon with her, those moments when you touched hands or locked eyes, kept replaying in your head.
Instead of taking notes, you decided to execute a plan that was saved for the next Chemistry lesson. Drawing on a sheet of paper, you created a game of hangman, double checking the number of letters for each of the three words.
Without looking at Natasha, you pushed the sheet her way. She looked at it for a second too long, and then at you. You were beginning to regret the whole thing, and then she underlined the letter T. You smiled, writing on the designated place.
Natasha took her time analyzing the sheet, but by the time the lesson was over, she had guessed some of the letters.
_o_i_ o_ _ _ tur _ _ y ?
The bell rang, and as the lights were turned back on, you looked at her, smiling nervously.
“So… want me to tell you what it says? Or, you can take the sheet and text me if you figure it out?”
God, you sounded so desperate. No wonder Natasha looked at you as if you had grown a second head.
“I’ll take it” she smiled, placing it between her notebook and walking out.
“Actually, Nat…” you went after her. Why not just ask straight away and see what happened?
“Yes?” she said, turning to look at you. Truth be told, she was anxious to get out. Your proximity had distracted her during the entire class. And it only got worse when you slid that sheet her way, and she saw the way you were biting your lip nervously.
She had to force herself to look away from your lips.
“I was thinking, if you’re not too busy…”
“Go on a date with me”
You were both taken aback by the interruption. The words were stolen right out of your mouth by a junior student, Peter Parker. He was staring at Natasha excitedly.
“Never mind” you grumbled, rolling your eyes and walking away.
Natasha flashed an angry glare at Peter, but you were walking down the hallway at record speed.
“What is wrong with you?” Natasha said. Peter was a year younger, but knew the redhead from science club.
“Sorry, it’s just that I… those were the words that came out of my mouth to ask MJ out. MJ! And she said yes!”
“Yeah, start with that next time”
Natasha spotted you across the hall, talking to Thor. Of course.
“I have to go” Natasha pushed the boy aside.
She was so distracted, she never noticed where she was going until she opened the door to the computer room, where Barnes was making out with another senior, Sharon Carter.
“Knock, damn it” Barnes said, but Sharon smacked his arm, looking stern.
“Don’t be a dick, James”
Natasha wanted to call Barnes a lot more than a dick, because who on their right mind would cheat on you? She stared at him a second longer, too angry to even speak, and then turned around, shutting the door behind her.
You deserved so much better than Barnes.
—
Y/N: Were you able to figure it out?
Natasha kept staring at her phone. She hadn’t replied to your message since yesterday and the longer she waited, the worse she felt.
Should she tell you about Barnes? Would you believe her? Or would you call her the worst name in the book and refuse to be in the same class as her?
The girl was pacing around in her room, but of course Yelena chose that moment to play her music at full volume. Natasha let out an exasperated sigh, going to her sister’s room.
“Turn it down!” she yelled from outside, knocking several times to get Yelena’s attention. “Yelena? Your music is too damn…” let the record show she had tried to knock. Natasha walked into Yelena’s room without permission, ready to get into a screaming match with her sister. What she didn’t expect was to see you sitting on her bed, while Yelena showed you different things on her closet.
“I told you it was very loud, Yel” you said, smiling at the girl and then at Natasha, who took a step forward to shut the music down. “Hey, sorry about the noise”
“I don’t recall giving you permission to come in, sestra” Yelena said, examining a t-shirt and her favorite vest. She turned to you. “What about this?”
“Yeah, that’s better. And hair braided, don’t forget that. Pepper and all the other girls love braids. I think the ones Natasha wears sometimes are really… uh, pretty”
You didn’t mean to sound like a creep, but of course you had noticed Natasha’s fiery hair braided from time to time.
“So, since you’re standing there and made me turn off my music” Yelena turned to her sister, showing the outfit. “What do you think? Tryouts are on Monday and Y/N is helping me pick an outfit”
“That one’s nice” Natasha nodded, trying to avoid your stare. She thought she had today and tomorrow to figure out what to do over Barnes. But what if you came to talk to her and she just blurted the whole thing out?
So, she excused herself and thought it would be better to hide in her room. Peace didn’t last long, though.
“Knock!” Natasha grumbled when her sister got in.
“Hey, you didn’t knock either just now. I wanted to ask if you got the tickets for the movie”
“Yes, of course I did”
“Good. I can’t go with you, so you should take Y/N”
“Wait, what?” Natasha hissed, trying to not lose it at Yelena’s ridiculous antics. “You can’t just cancel like that and she probably doesn’t even want to…”
“Ask her”
“What?”
“Ask her. Or if you’re too afraid, I can do it for you. But honestly, Natalia. Just do it. You’re both driving me crazy”
Natasha didn’t know what Yelena meant by that, so she just rolled her eyes and sighed.
“I’ll ask her, I don’t want it to seem like my little sister has to arrange my outings”
“Fine. I’m getting some water, you should do it now. Don’t pass out” Yelena winked, knowing her sister could barely handle social interactions.
Natasha felt her heartbeat strong in her chest, but didn’t wait too long before going back to Yelena’s room. She knew her sister meant it and would absolutely ask you out on Nat’s behalf.
“Hey, Y/N” she walked into the room, door ajar.
“Hey. What’s up? Want to try on outfits with us?” you joked. In spite of her nerves, Natasha smiled.
“I wanted to ask if you wanna go to the movies”
“Really?” you smiled. “What time?”
“It starts in an hour so… we can leave in thirty minutes if it works for you”
“Yeah. Awesome”
You didn’t think about asking which movie or anything else really. The fact Natasha had asked you was all you cared about. The redhead left the room once her sister came back, trying to hide her anxiety. Yelena gave her a knowing look, and kept chatting with you but wasn’t surprised to find you smiling out of nowhere, distracted and constantly checking your watch.
Once it was time to go, Natasha waited downstairs to drive you both to the movies. The ride there was quiet at first, until you reached out for the radio.
“Very cool” you praised when OK Go came on. “Their best music video is for I won’t let you down”
“What? No way! This too shall pass. That Rube Goldberg machine was insane”
“But what about all the extras and the umbrellas? Imagine the coordination it took. I tried to talk the girls into doing it for Nationals but they said I was insane”
Natasha laughed at that, humming along to the song, feeling more relaxed. You also smiled, and enjoyed watching her drive. She looked hot as she held the wheel.
As you were arriving to the theater, you mentioned Barnes and how he always forgot to get the tickets and once again, Natasha’s anxiety came back.
She was quiet as she parked and you both exited the car.
“Wait. I’m sorry. I can’t do this”
“Do what? What’s wrong?” you looked at her, searching her eyes.
��Please don’t hate me” she pleaded.
“Natty, I could never” you shook your head, the term of endearment almost leaving Nat out of breath.
“I saw… Barnes and Sharon Carter kissing in the computer room. I’m sorry”
“Ew. Yeah, they tend to do that anywhere they can. I’m the one who’s sorry you had to see it” you laughed, but the sound died down when Natasha looked at you as if you had grown a second head.
“Aren’t you dating Barnes?” she said, trying to understand everything.
“What? Gross. He’s like my other brother. Slightly less annoying than Steve, that’s for sure”
“You’re serious?” Natasha said, feeling as if a giant weight had been lifted from her shoulders.
“I’m very serious and very much single… waiting for a pretty girl to come sweep me off my feet” you said, smiling as Natasha blushed. You took her hand, going inside the theater. “Come on, the movie is starting soon”
You waited in line for the candy store, her hand still in yours. Once it was time to get your stuff, you stood behind her, looking over her shoulder by standing on your toes. Natasha blushed at the contact, your chin resting against her shoulder while you asked the clerk for some chocolate.
“Let me” Natasha said, paying before you could give the man money.
“Chivalry isn’t dead” you said, enjoying how much she was blushing. You smiled, helping her with the soda and finally going inside the room.
“So, what are we watching?”
“It’s this new zombie movie, like found footage”
“Oh, cool” you muttered, feeling the palms of your hands get sweaty.
“Sorry, I didn’t even ask if you were ok with that”
“No, it’s fine. I’m just a bit of a chicken” you laughed, settling in your seat. You hoped Natasha didn’t think you were lame and as the movie started, you really did try to be brave. And then a zombie came jumping through a window and you hid your face behind your hands.
“Hey, it’s ok” Natasha took your hand. “We can leave if you want to”
“No, I’m fine” you said, forgetting about the movie as soon as her hand let go of yours, arm going around your shoulders to comfort you.
No way were you leaving now.
You leaned against her chest, hiding when something scary was about to happen. Natasha held you close, her hand going up and down your back in a soothing manner.
Who knew all it took was some scary zombies to get close to her…
The movie didn’t last as long as you’d have liked, but still, you were happy when she kept holding on to your hand as you left the cinema.
“That was fun” you commented and Natasha let out a laugh. “What?”
“You were hiding half the movie”
“Maybe I liked that part the most” you challenged, pleased when she blushed again. “But next time, we’re watching a rom com or a sci-fi movie.”
“I’d like that” Natasha said and you were looking at her lips when your phone rang. “Want a ride home?”
“I couldn’t possibly ask you to”
“It’s not a problem. Come on” she walked next to you, opening the car door.
“What else do you listen to?” you played with the radio, going from A-Punk, to Keane and Travis. “Really good taste”
“What about you?”
“Anything really. I have like 45 playlists that are completely random. I could send you one if you’d like”
“Yeah, I’d like that” Natasha nodded. You smiled, enjoying the view (and by view you meant Natasha, her fingers tapping against the wheel) for the rest of the ride.
Once you got home, she opened the car door for you again. You didn’t move from your spot next to her, enjoying the proximity.
“Nat?”
“Yes?”
“I like you” you said without a warning, and it was hard to tell who was more embarrassed, you or Nat. “I’m sorry for being so forward but I think I needed you to know. I’m thinking about kissing you and holding your hand and…”
For the first time in her life, Natasha did something without thinking. She pulled you by the waist, connecting her lips to yours. You groaned in surprise, but sighed against her mouth a second later. Your hands went up her neck, to keep her close to you as you moved your lips against hers.
“Sorry, I couldn’t help myself”
“Never apologize for doing that” you smiled, leaning your forehead against her shoulder. Natasha smiled, kissing your temple. “Are you good to drive?”
“Yeah” she nodded.
“Ok. I don’t want you to do it if you’re distracted or something. It could be dangerous, you know?” you rambled and Natasha saw genuine concern behind your words.
“I’ll text you when I’m home, how about that?”
“Yes, please” you sighed with relief. “Be careful. And thank you for today” without being able to help yourself, you stood on your toes and pecked her lips one more time.
Natasha got in the car, smiling as she drove back home. True to her promise, she texted you as soon as she arrived.
She was expecting Yelena to greet her with a million questions, but the girl was back in her room, still listening to music.
Going back to her own room, she found the game of hangman you had done for her, now complete with Yelena’s handwriting.
Natasha was really clueless.
Movie on Saturday?
This whole time, you were asking her out. Natasha took a picture of the paper and sent it to her sister.
Nat: You went through my stuff.
Sestra: Ur welcome.
Natasha would never hear the end of it. Her phone pinged again.
Y/N: Glad you’re home safe.
Y/N: Still thinking about that kiss.
Y/N: So… yeah. When’s our second date?
Coming to think of it, she was happy to pay that price.
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Lewis Masterlist
Series
It comes with the territory p.1 / p.2 / p.3
“This… this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But no love is worth losing my sanity over. Not even ours.”
An Invisible String Theory Story p.1 / p.2 / p.3
"I’ve always felt that string pulling me closer to something. But never, not even in my most beautiful dreams, had I imagined that it was to bind us together."
It was bound to come out p.1 / p.2
"Do I look like I'm joking? This is not a joke! My father has seen a video of us... the one video that couldn’t leave my phone!"
Not just a pretty face p.1 / p.2 / p.3 / bonus
"because even this… even this agonizing dance is better than not having you at all."
Maybe in another life - p.1 / p.2 / p.3
"A what-if that will forever linger in the quiet corners of my mind."
She’s here and she’s ours - p.1 / p.2 / p.3 / p.4 / p.5 / p.6 / p.7 / p.8
You couldn’t really tell if he was telling you or himself that. "How you feeling dad?" "Amazed, hopeful, scared... in love"
Get me out of here p.1 / p.2
“Why are you defending him?” “Because we need to think this through, babe. Toto’s not one of us anymore, you saw it.”
Your future was Ferrari - p.1 / p.2
Surely, it meant nothing for Lewis and you would probably never see him again. Your future was at Ferrari, somewhere he would never step foot in. Or would he?!
Multichapters
Ways to say “I love you” p.1 / p.2 / p.3(NSFW)
All these little things p.1 / p.2
Small firsts p.1
Firsts - NSFW p.1 / p.2
Ways they show they love each other p.1 / p.2
One-Shots
Angst
It had to be enough - "I’m so fucking tired of fighting, of trying to prove that I still belong here." "I can’t keep watching you tear yourself apart like this. It’s killing me, Lewis."
Home is wherever you are - "You shouldn't have come" "Had to"
An impossible dream - "Don't you ever wonder what could have been?"
I didn't get scared. I'm always scared - “Do you even understand what it’s like for me? To love someone who lives every day like it might be their last?”
Not now, not ever - "You don't have to go through this alone, you know"
I'll come find you - “I’m scared… of how things have been, of how things are going to be.”
If these wings could fly - “I don’t think I’ve ever felt anything like Sunday. It’s been so long and everyone’s worked so hard for that”
And just like the sun, we will rise - “I can’t promise to have all the answers, but please let me in”
Fluffs
What it means - “Since I was five, since I first saw Ayrton race on TV. He was my absolute hero, and I didn’t know much about the world back then, didn’t know what I could be, but seeing him… it made me believe.
Lucky you're hot - The kind of kiss that would’ve been cute—if it weren’t for the fact that I was very much on camera, in a professional setting, with a dozen or so people watching.
A smile like that -"And he’s out there, posting photos like it’s some romantic movie."
A bit mushy - How Lewis and his wife do in a couple's Interview.
Happy you're home - "And trust me, he adores you. He just doesn't know how to express it."
Later it is - “But that safety pin right there is holding on for dear life.” “I only care about what you think.” “Flatterer.”
Of thorns and blooms - "It's meant to be worn by someone who sees the world differently, who tells stories with every thread"
He always rises - "Like I knew I'd given it my all, every lap, every strategy meeting. And finally, finally, it’s paying off. It feels… good. It feels so damn good."
R for Roscoe, C for Coco - "You went through all this trouble just for Father's Day with Roscoe?"
Boy from Stevenage - "you don't need to win over that entire room tonight. You just need to make that brave boy from Stevenage proud."
Whispered fairytale - "The point is in the surprise. The joy of meeting them, whoever they are, for the very first time."
A thousand times over - "Since I still don’t believe it’s true… would you marry me, again?"
It sounds silly - "I'm a grown woman who’s achieved success in life, yet… I find myself comparing to those other women."
NSFW (+18 only)
Can't check out -“Where’s the cutthroat guy who would have had me pinned to the wall by now?"
Utterly gone -“But for the record, I also owe you.”
Very First -“I want this. I want you. And I’m not saying that lightly.”
Salty -"Told you” she whispered, her thumb brushing against his bottom lip. "It’s salty."
Damn him -“I believe you’ve got two things that are mine” “My hair tie you took with you this morning. And you babe, you're mine.”
Give yourself some credit - “I’m gonna give you five minutes to mourn that shit qualy” “You think you can handle me, pretty girl?”
What those arms can do - "Let's focus on you for now, love. And what these arms can do to you."
Warm enough - "Did you know there were no doors in this place?" "I might have known. Thought it could be romantic"
It's not just a win - The 104 special - "I just...I needed this. I needed to win. To prove to myself that I still can."
Improvised Compensation - "My plans definitely involve you" he continued, "but they can be done anywhere"
As good as chocolate - "That's a new way to claim your share"
I'm yours, only yours - Vegas special - “You really thought she was any match for you?”
It always points South - “Your compass tattoo, huh?”
My Venus - MET special - "I can actually feel your eyes searing holes in my dress, Lewis."
I want South - "Hello, miss explorer”
You only need to ask - "Seems like someone's forgotten how we got here in the first place"
It's Mrs. Hamilton - “Mark me, show me who I belong to”
The things we do for fashion - "Like what you see?" "More than you'll ever know."
Show me you care - “I’m asking you to, show me how much you want this, because I know you do”
My mark - “I’m not one to leave things unfinished”
NSFW alphabet
Senna!Reader x Lewis Hamilton
Thank you for everything - "It doesn't matter how long it's been" "Grief doesn't have a deadline."
Under an Ipê tree - “He would’ve liked you I think… would’ve hated to race you, for sure."
Drabbles
Do not under any circumstance plagarize, edit, repurpose, or repost any of my original work. this includes all of my works.
copyright © 2024 pickingupmymercedes all right reserved.
#f1 imagine#f1 fanfic#f1 scenario#f1 x reader#lewis hamilton#lh#lh44#lewis#lewis x reader#lewis imagine#lewis hamilton smut#lewis hamilton fanfic#lewis hamilton x reader#lewis hamilton one shot#lewis hamilton imagine#lh44 x reader#lh44 imagine#lewis hamilton x you
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Not That Kind of Guy
Part One: Stalker!Anakin Skywalker x femme reader series
Warnings: stalking, weirdo behavior, psychotic/delusional behavior, possessive/protective, sexism/misogyny, one-sided relationship [eventual warning for smut; be sure to pay attention to future warnings in the series]
Info: Anakin loves you so much it hurts, he just really wants to make sure your silly little girl brain doesn’t get in the way of your safety, you have a cat, Anakin is a bartender [diary entries from Ani’s perspective] MDNI 18+
Diary Entry: May 2nd
The Cerulean was filled with loud music, flashing lights, and the stench of sweaty guys and spilt beer. Over-kill perfume on the girls who so desperately wanted my attention, writing their numbers on their drink coasters after finishing their stupid little cocktail. The occasional ‘break it up guys, c’mon’ yelled out at a pair of ‘roided up college boys. Peanut shells stuck to my sneakers at the end of the night, going home and washing off the stickiness from working behind the bar.
All things I was used to.
But you… not you. Every time I caught a glimpse of you tonight it was like the first time all over again.
Pink, skirt, sneakers, crop top. Such a cute little outfit; it made you easy to spot, easy to track, easy to watch over.
I have your drink order memorized. I so hoped you’d come back for another so I could hear your voice, to see your pretty little lips move just for me again. But you didn’t. Because you’re a smart girl. You knew that without a man around to look out for you, you’d be pretty hopeless if you got too tipsy. It only made me want to protect you more. You’re too soft, too sweet, too innocent to worry about the big nasty world around you.
That’s my job now.
I’ll always keep you safe, but I also want to keep you happy. You deserve the world and more, and I’ll give it to you.
I’d destroy the earth to build it up again in your design. I’d live for you, serve you, die for you, at any moment you might ask. Just say the word and I will. I promise I will.
Note: Motion sensors
Date:
May 23rd
Anakin walked a safe distance behind you, his hands in his hoodie pocket, his hood up and head down. It was dark out, the only light was from the street lamps.
Sometimes when he walked you home he just wanted to run up and grab you by the shoulders and shake you; ask you to please for once just pay attention to your surroundings.
You walked around with your headphones in, ignoring everything and everyone. Yeah it was a straight shot to your apartment from the bar. Only having to cross the road once during the mile long journey down the sidewalk. But a mile was a good stretch of space and there were plenty of people who passed you. A handful of creepy, unlit alleyways you could be dragged into.
You were practically asking for it.
He just had to remind himself that this was just another reason you were so lucky to have him. He’d watch over you, so you didn’t have to worry your pretty little head about nothin’.
Anakin stood by the corner store dumpster and watched as you trotted up the steps and tapped the door code into the keypad of your apartment building. After the door shut behind you and he saw the keypad flash red, he knew you were safely locked inside.
It took approximately one minute and 14 seconds for you to jog up the steps to your door, depending on how tired you were he could add a few seconds and not worry. But anything over 20 seconds had him sweating in a panic.
Tonight though you were right on time, his phone pinged with an alert that your door had been opened, and successfully shut behind you. Now he could breathe a sigh of relief and make his way back to work.
His boss was kind enough to never question why he skipped out for about 20 minutes a night or two a week. Anakin smoked, it wasn’t unlikely to assume he just got a little distracted scrolling on his phone during his smoke break or maybe just needed a few minutes of peace.
Now all he had to do was suffer through three more hours of monotonous work and try not get a head start on his hearing loss from the shitty music.
Then he could go home to you.
The cloak of stress he wore when you were out of sight vanished quickly when he perched on the fire escape and peered into your living room. Poor thing. You’d fallen asleep on the couch again.
Not that he minded. It made his night that much better when he could sit closer to you. It was a pain to climb the ladder of the building next door and sit on the rooftop so he could see into your bedroom window. Very inconvenient, but worth it everytime.
He sat quietly, observing you and the way your lips twitched while you slept, as though you were having a conversation with someone in your dreams. Probably him, he thought.
“Oh, your blanket… you’re gonna be cold if you keep squirming around like that, your blanket is gonna end up in the floor.”
His fingers itched to pry open the window and tuck you back in, but he didn’t. He promised himself he wouldn’t do that. No breaking and entering.
He decided it was time to head back to his own home after that, he couldn’t stay much longer without: a) falling asleep b) forcing his way into your apartment for the sake of keeping you warm.
So he trekked to the sidewalk, wiping off the rust stains on his palms from the old metal fire escape. Shoving his hands back into his hoodie pocket after blowing you a goodnight kiss.
Diary Entry: June 6th
You owe me big time young lady.
You left your door unlocked and your window cracked open. It is 3:00am, what if someone snuck in? Then what would I do?
Die probably. I’d probably die if something happened to you.
Therefore, I bit the bullet and helped you out. I’m lucky you’re a heavy sleeper and I’m not easy to startle or else we both would’ve had a big scare tonight.
I cracked open your window, slipped in quietly, lowered it behind me, locked it. Double checked it and then triple checked it just in case.
When I turned around- christ that fucking cat. I swear I saw my life flash before my eyes. Guard dog? Who needs a guard dog when you’ve got that monster running around?
A quick blur of orange and a loud *reeeareow* was the only warning before it- sorry, Boogie, climbed up my leg with her little pitchfork claws. I handled it well, you’d be proud. I picked her up by the scruff and gave her a light bop on the noggin’ just like you do when she’s in trouble; except I didn’t kiss it better afterwards, I think she would’ve eaten me if I tried that.
Any-who, I carried her with me to the kitchen and got her a little treat from the cutesy kitten jar on the countertop. Then she decided we could be friends or well… maybe or maybe not I don’t really know, I guess we’ll see.
I plucked your spare key from the top of the fridge and quietly left your apartment. I locked the door and checked it several times, just in case.
As I walked down the steps I saw that the super was kind enough to leave a reminder that the keypad code had been changed, how nice of him! You are awfully forgetful sometimes. No worries princess I took a picture for safe keeping.
I need to change the batteries on or door sensors soon anyway, those little button batteries don’t last very long you know.
It was only when I got home that I realized I still had your spare key… tsk tsk Anakin. Ah well, that just means it won’t fall into the hands of someone it shouldn’t. I’ll keep it safe.
I love you 🖤
Diary Entry: June 7th
You know, come to think of it. Now that I have a key I should get a few new items for your apartment, that way I can keep an eye on things for you while you’re away.
Note: Hd1080p microcam x4
There will be a bot to go along with this series! This is really short compared to my usual posts: I just wanted to give all my little lovelies a snippet of what’s to come.
Part Two
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Secret, Secret
Pairing: Mingi x f reader
Genre: smut
Word count: 3.9k
Summary: A chance encounter with your neighbor led to the perfect little arrangement. Who could blame you for wanting to keep it a secret?
Warnings: smut, MDNI, dom/sub dynamics, anal play, pet names (good boy, baby), mingi calls reader mommy twice
A/n: I've had this one in the drafts for a little while and I'm so glad to finally be posting! Thinking about whiny subby Mingi always does things to me, the fact that he's so large but so needy... yeah. Hope y'all enjoy! <3
You were half expecting his call. You knew what kind of week he'd had. You knew he'd need some distraction.
It was Friday, 5:30pm.
"Hi Mingi," you answered, your voice gentle. You knew how he'd be feeling, what he'd be wanting from you.
"Y/n," your neighbor groaned through the phone.
"What? What's wrong?" you replied.
"Bad week. Can you come over?" His voice shook as he tried to keep himself from crying.
"I can be there in fifteen minutes, is that okay?" You knew you'd need to pack a small bag.
"Yeah," he sniffled.
"Okay, I'll be right there."
The ride up the elevator was silent, your eyes on the ground to avoid chatting with the man who got on with you. Your mind was already going to a certain place, and you didn't want anything to interrupt it.
His front door opens the moment you knock.
"Oh, come here," you say when you see the look on his face, the stress behind his eyes. You pull him into a hug, friendly and warm, your arms not fully able to reach around his shoulders with his suit jacket still on. You pull back and smile kindly; he looks exquisite in his dark grey suit, and he'd look the model of a well-groomed businessman if it weren't for the tears forming in his eyes.
"Have you had dinner?" you ask. Mingi shakes his head. "Well we really need to do that, then. What should we get?"
"I- I got some food on the way home. It's here," Mingi mumbles, leading the way to his kitchen. On the counter you see carry-out boxes from your favorite Japanese restaurant.
"Did you get me katsudon?" you ask. Mingi nodded his head, looking up at you from the stool he sat on with big, watery eyes. "So you were very sure I'd say yes when you called, weren't you?" you giggle.
Mingi just blinked, not sure if you were making fun of him. You thought it might make him laugh; he sometimes liked when you joked around. But now you could tell it wouldn't be one of those evenings.
"Oh Mingi, I'm sorry," you say, moving over to give him another hug. Your arms wrapped around his shoulders again, his head is tilted back so he still faces you, his eyes not leaving yours. "That was so thoughtful of you, thank you," you coo, stroking your hand comfortingly through his hair. "You're so thoughtful and caring, so kind," you continue, placing a gentle kiss to the top of his head. It's this treatment, this praise, that finally makes him break. He buries his face in your chest and starts crying.
~~~~
How lucky he was to have bumped into you the day you were moving in. What a coincidence, that you were struggling with your last few boxes after your brother had to leave, your overconfidence in your strength showing itself. How lucky you were that he was walking towards the elevator at that exact moment, when you almost dropped the box, and that he caught it just in time.
And how lucky you both were that he ran into you again a week later, when your dining table had finally shipped. You desperately needed help putting it together, and who better than your acquaintance in his well-fitted suit. He looked intimidating, almost scary. But his eyes were kind. When he ran his fingers through his hair and took off his glasses, you caught a glimpse of who he really was. Soft, sensitive. His eyes lit up when you spoke in awe of his strength, lifting the completed table off the ground by himself. A big, gorgeous smile crept over his face.
Maybe it was strange that none of your friends knew about him, that no one in your life did. But you couldn't feel bad about keeping your evenings spent together a secret.
~~~~
It took a few minutes, but finally his heaving shoulders relaxed, his breathing normalized. You pulled away and wiped his tears, opening your boxes of food and handing him some chopsticks. His face was red and neck was warm to the touch, and he looked almost faint as he started eating.
"Why don't you change out of your suit?" you asked, knowing how uncomfortable it was.
"Too much effort," he croaked, his mouth full of food, his eyes still red.
You inhale slowly and shake your head, a smile creeping up the corners of your lips. You move over to start removing his jacket for him; you know it's what he wants, especially after how he reacted earlier when you tried to make a joke. He needs to be cared for. You unbutton his white shirt, slowly pulling it off his arms, leaving him in just his undershirt. You kneel down and start untying his shoes, gently moving his feet from under the chair so you can slide them off, doing absolutely everything for him. Carefully you place the shoes in his front closet where they belong.
You come back to take a look at him, assessing everything.
"Can I take off your belt?" you ask, assuming he'd feel better without the restriction. Mingi gulped, but still moved his chair back a bit so you had access. You lean down over him, slowly unbuckling. "Is this too close for comfort?" you whisper, giggling and smiling at him. You swipe your hand a bit lower than necessary while you pull it out of the loops, just for your own fun. Maybe you like the way his body jolts when your hand brushes subtly against his already half-hard cock.
"Does that feel better?" you ask, eyes innocent, laying the belt out of the way. Mingi sighs and nods, his head falling back as he takes in a slow, deep breath. His body is taught with stress, his throat bobbing as he swallows hard, overwhelmed by his feelings. "Why don't you go sit on the couch?" you ask, knowing the softness of it will help calm him. "I'll put something funny on," you say, a ruse. You both know exactly why you want him sat on the plush couch in his living room. But he plays along too. He has to.
Placing your leftovers in the fridge, you make your way to his TV in the living room. You don't take a long time selecting a show, knowing it doesn't really matter. You click on the first thing you know is a safe bet, turning the volume down low enough that it won't have a chance of interrupting. Mingi lumbers over to the couch, collapsing down onto it dramatically. He's always sensitive, but tonight he's especially so, making a sick part of you so very excited.
You come to sit next to him, running a hand through his hair, watching his chest rise and fall with what seems to still be the stress of his week. But it could be something else too, that's making him breathe like that, and that thought makes your body start to tingle, knowing just where this is headed.
"Do you want to talk about it?" you ask him, grabbing his hand and giving it a gentle kiss.
"Mm-mm," Mingi shakes his head, his eyes still closed.
"Just watch then, let it distract you," you say to him, gently coaxing his head towards the TV. You start running your hands up and down his arms, slowly snaking your nails in sweeping figure eights, mesmerized as you watch his body respond. The muscles of his abdomen and thighs flex, and you watch him spread his legs a bit wider, his body coming more and more under your control. "Keep watching," you say when he turns his head towards you, noticing how his cheeks are ever so slightly flushed. You love building it up slowly, love spending hours making him react to you, beg for you, need you. You keep running your hands over his arms, occasionally rubbing his chest too, or brushing over his neck, his breathing quick when you do so. He's so, so wound up tonight, so much more than he's been in a while, so it's taking longer than expected for his body to relax. But you don't really mind that, it's a welcome change. You get to spend even longer feeling over his perfect body, watching him twitch and squirm underneath your hands, such dramatic reactions from such gentle touches.
You're getting too worked up yourself now, seeing how fast and hard he's breathing, how much he almost seems to be suffering from your movements. You move yourself to straddle one of his thighs, positioning yourself in the perfect spot so the pressure is hitting your clit deliciously. You keep running your hands over him, now going underneath his shirt and running them over his stomach, and snaking them down the thigh you aren't straddling, squeezing the taught muscles you find.
"You're so strong," you say in his ear, making his eyebrows furrow and mouth fall open just a touch. He quietly whines at you, his eyes closing again for a second, your faces closer now that you're sitting on him. "Poor thing, you had such a stressful week, didn't you?" you ask, stroking a hand down his cheek, as once again tears start to form in his eyes. "Oh, don't cry," you coo, wiping the tear as soon as it starts to fall, placing a chaste kiss on his temple. "I'm here now, and I make you feel better, don't I?" you ask, voice as gentle as you can make it. He just nods, still looking like he's about to break. "You look so pretty when you cry," you whisper, pushing your hips down slightly, feeling the friction on your clit. Mingi's pained expression finally shifts more towards one of lust, as he feels you grind down on his thigh, the praise making his head fuzzy. You can feel how hard he is now, your hand on his thigh again brushing past him 'accidentally,' making a small moan escape his throat. He swallows and tries to slow his breaths, his embarrassment evident at the accidental sound. "What was that?" you ask him, your voice bright with innocence, making Mingi's dick throb. He loves when you make fun of him, when you make him feel like a fucking pervert, in the way that you do. Pretending like you don't know what's happening, like you aren't in control.
"Mingi, why is your dick so hard?" you ask him, twisting your face into a look of confusion. You rub your hand along it over his pants, as if it needed pointing out. "It's straining against your pants," you say, like you're shocked. Like this wasn't exactly what you knew would happen.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Mingi mumbles, his eyes closing as several more tears flow down his cheeks.
"Oh, don't apologize," you say, continuing to run your hand along it, adding pressure slowly. "I was just surprised, that's all. It's so big," you continue, making his ego inflate, his head so fuzzy now he can barely speak. He just groans in response to you, his breaths almost ragged now, his body finally, finally starting to relax. You feel the muscles of his abdomen and thighs finally soften, as he lets himself give into your movements, his dick throbbing as you keep applying more and more pressure to your strokes. His hips start moving, like he's trying to fuck your hand, his head thrown back against the cushions of the couch. As much as you're here to please him you know you must drag this out, must make it last a long time. So you cruelly pull your hand back, moving it to again rub along his arms and chest. Mingi whines dramatically, a look of pure pain on his pretty face. "What?" you ask him, pouting, like you don't know exactly why he just made that noise. He whines at you again, his eyes watery. "Can you use your words?" you ask, brushing his cheek with your thumb.
You're expecting him to nod, expecting him to make some affirmative sound, and you aren't prepared for just how worked up you've made him. Suddenly he's unbuttoning his pants and shifting them down, pulling out his rock hard cock, already flushed and leaking. "Need it, need it, need it," he babbles as he starts stroking himself, his hand tight around his shaft as he starts to writhe, his moans high pitched coming from his tight throat. You've never seen him like this; he always waits for you to make him cum, for you to touch him. His breaths become uneven as he starts to cry again, his body shaking as he strokes himself hard and cries even harder.
"Shh, slow down," you say, rubbing a hand along his arm, trying to get his movements to slow.
"I need to cum," he whines between sobs, his hand not relenting, even as you put yours over it and try to slow his momentum.
"I know, but it'll feel so much better if you let me help you," you say, trying not to be stern. You feel for a moment like he's taking off without you, like he's so far gone that your normal scene can't play out. But just that one sentence has him slowing as you wanted him to.
"Please let me cum soon," he cries, still lazily stroking himself.
"I promise, I won't make you wait," you coo, placing a gentle kiss on his tear stained cheek. "Stand up, take off your clothes," you say as you climb off of him, going over to the end table to find the bottle of lube always stashed there. You move to the hallway quickly too, to grab a towel from the closet, placing it down on the couch. Mingi does as he's told, and when you stand up to look at him he's completely naked, his perfect body on full display. His dick stands tall, looking painfully hard. "Hands and knees," you say, pointing to the towel, making him whimper. He runs over to you and places a kiss on your lips, moaning into you pathetically, involuntarily rubbing himself against you as he grabs at you desperately. "Mingi, don't you want to cum?" you ask as you break the kiss, staring at him with big, knowing eyes. Immediately he situates himself as you told him to, his perfect ass high in the air as he looks back at you, as you pop open the bottle of lube and slowly start coating your fingers. You sit behind him, your left hand massaging his cheeks, your right hand starting to circle around his entrance, making him start to moan again. You can feel his body buzzing with anticipation, which is making his muscles too active, so you keep massaging him to try to help him relax. You know he'll never be able to take your fingers if he can't.
"Can you relax for me?" you ask him. He groans, shoving his face into the couch, his ass now even more open to you. You feel him trying to breathe deeply, trying to do what you've asked. But it isn't working, he's still too wound up.
"Mingi, I need you to relax more. It isn't going to feel good if you can't," you say, keeping your tone light even as you command him. "Breath with me, ready? Breath in, all the way, now out, slowly, slowly."
He does as he's told, but his out breath is shaky, too fast, and you can feel his body is still tight.
"I need you to go even slower for me," you continue, rubbing your left hand up and down his back comfortingly. "Okay, breathe in," you fill your lungs, showing him what you want. "Okay, now, slowly breathe out..." and as he does you finally slip a finger inside him, also slowly, matching the pace of his breath. He groans into the cushion, his hole tight but ready for the intrusion. "Good boy, you did so well for me," you say, moving the finger out gently, then slowly pushing it back in. He's already a groaning mess underneath you, as you set a gentle pace, your left hand coming down to softly massage his balls just the way he likes it.
"Fuck, ahh," he groans, his dick rock hard and aching from the multiple points of stimulation.
"That feels good, doesn't it?" you ask, picking up the pace of your finger just a little, hitting that spot inside him that feels so fucking good. "Mm-hmm," he responds, turning his head further to the side so he can catch a breath, his eyes still leaking tears down his beautiful cheeks. "I always make you feel so good, don't I baby?" You finally pull out completely and add another finger, carefully entering him again as you feel his body stretch, his legs trembling slightly at the feeling. "Fuck," he groans again, as you just stay still for a moment when you've gone as deep as you can go. You let his body rest, momentarily halting your touch on his balls, letting him focus on just the feeling of being penetrated. Slowly you pick up your pace again, holding his hips up to you for leverage. It's hard to believe that before you he'd never had anything up his ass, never let anyone do anything quite like this. He loves it so much you don't usually believe him when he says he's never stuck something up there himself. But you let yourself believe it in these moments, because the feeling of having him in a way no one else has, and the way he loves it so damn much, makes you head swim with pride in a way that's too addicting. You're careful with prepping him, at least you try to be, but once you've got him here and he's writhing beneath you, you know what he can take.
"Harder," you hear him mutter just as you add strength to your thrusts, as if you read his mind. Immediately he's moaning louder, unable to stop himself, the tears falling again. "Fuck, even harder, please," he begs, drool leaking from the corner of his lips, his tongue laying partially out of his mouth as he's rocked back and forth from the strength of your thrusts.
"Good boy, you take it so well," you praise, fucking him hard now, your shoulder starting to burn from the repetitive motion. You look down to see his dick hanging between his legs, his thighs spread further now as he arches his back to give you the best angle. It's red, so red, and when you brush a hand over it his whole body jolts, a breath getting lost in his throat as he gasps. This was what you were waiting for all night; you knew he'd be so sensitive, and too easy to mess with. You can make all your dreams come true now, can make him whine and beg in all the ways you want.
"Fuck, please, touch me," he whines, his breathing still ragged from the way you're unrelentingly fucking him, his body trying to regain it's sanity after the way your touch rocked him.
"Like this?" you ask, brushing against it again, his body reacting the same. He lets out a strangled whine, his breath stuttering, his head lifting from the couch for a moment as he resituates himself. Your chest is full of intoxicating pride, his body reacting so intensely to your touches. It makes you feel like there's magic dripping from your fingertips, like you're a god amongst men.
"Nooo," he cries, sniffling and wiping away his tears hastily, shoving his hips into your hand as if it will get him what he wants.
"Was that not what you wanted?" you ask, your tone mocking, your right hand still not relenting. "What did you want, baby?"
"Touch me, please," he whines again, his breathing ragged.
"But I'm already touching you," you say, seeing how long you can drag this out.
"You know, fuck, mommy, you know what I, hic, mean," he sputters, making you body jolt at the nickname. He's never used that before, and it seemed to come from the depths of his brain, making the whole scene even hotter. You'd reduced him to his instincts, his mind too focused on getting the release he needed to be filtering anything.
"I don't know if I do, baby, you'll have to tell me. Use your words," you coo, your pussy clenching hard as you feel your own arousal leak down your leg, in anticipation of him finally breaking.
"No, mommy, ahhh, I can't, I can't, please, please, pleas-" his words are cut off by a sharp wail, as he finally starts to truly cry. His abdomen heaves from his deep, sharp breaths, his tears flowing fast and leaving an ever-growing stain on the couch cushion. His hands are gripping onto whatever they can find, his body putting all his remaining energy towards keeping his hips up, chasing his pleasure.
"Oh baby I'm sorry, I didn't realize you needed it so bad," you say as you spit into your hand, quickly reaching down between his thighs to start stroking him in earnest, starting at a moderate pace but quickly picking it up. His shaft is harder than you can ever remember it being, and you pump your hand up and down tightly, matching pace with your fingers in his ass. "I'll let you come now, I promise," you coo, his cries still racketing through him, his body shaking with the pleasure you're giving. He's babbling incoherently now, clearly trying to communicate something but unable to form the words, and soon you feel his cock even harder and hotter in your hand, if it was even possible. Suddenly he's shooting his load onto the towel beneath him, long ropes of hot cum coating the light blue cotton, his ass clamping down hard on your fingers as he finally comes. You continue to stroke him through it, but it's over as quickly as it hit him, so hard that he's collapsed already, trapping your hand awkwardly underneath him. You awkwardly remove it, having to lift up his thigh yourself, his body still shaking as he sniffles, the remnants of his stress still working themselves out. You gently pull your fingers out of his ass, quickly moving to wash your hands in the bathroom before returning to him and stroking his hair, giving him gentle kisses on the cheek until he's no longer crying.
That night he gets his favorite treat in the world, the chance to spend hours between your legs, your pussy his favorite midnight snack. You can't remember how many times you came, only that he did too, without any stimulation; just the taste of you and the feeling of your thighs crushing his head were enough to send him over the edge. You both slept like logs, as you always did, your bodies and minds calm from getting just the sexual satisfaction you needed. In the dead of night he wrapped himself around you, tucking his head into your chest even though he's so tall, burying his face in that perfect spot in your neck.
And just like always, you wake before he does, your body ready to go. You have too much to do today for your brain to let you sleep in, but you see how peacefully Mingi is still sleeping and decide not to wake him. With care you remove yourself from him, from the bed, and finally from the room, gathering your things and brushing out your hair, trying to look presentable. On your way out you leave a note on his kitchen counter, by the coffee machine.
Thanks for dinner :), it reads.
You both know you're thanking him for much more than that.
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The Catnapping
You live in Monaco, and while you miss your home, your best friend is your cat, Kiwi. Unfortunately, he goes missing, and you start to lose hope of finding him after a few weeks go by. However, you start to see more and more people mentioning a certain Formula 1 driver who they suspect knows something about your cat.
This is my first attempt at an SMAU story so please tell me if I did a good job or not. Also, this is my first story where I'm using Y/N!
Disclaimer: All photos are from Pinterest, they are not mine.
ynslittlelife
ynslittlelife days (and nights) in monaco!
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yourbff okay you’re living my dream i’m officially jealous
ynslittlelife STOP you’re literally my it girl
isabela.monaco girl you’re my inspirationnnn
f1girls99 okay can every f1 fan agree that we want to be y/n
ynslittlelife i’ve actually never been to one of the races 😅 maybe next time?
liastudiezzz HOW you have to go to the monaco gp this year pleaseee
yourmom Aww, my little y/n is all grown up!
ynslittlelife i miss you so much mom :(
ynslittlelife
ynslittlelife i have some sad news. by now, most of you have probably seen pictures of my cat, kiwi, in some of my posts. unfortunately, i lost kiwi a couple of days ago, and i have still not found him. i’ve had him since he was a kitten, and he has been my closest friend since i moved to monaco a few months ago. if anyone in the monaco area sees a beautiful tuxedo cat, please please please tell me anything you know about where he might be. i love you, my kiwi!
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yourmom Oh no, poor Kiwi! Don’t worry honey, I’m sure you’ll find him soon.
yourbff keeping my eyes peeled.
ynslittlelife babes you don’t even live in monaco 😭
yourbff idc i’m on the lookout for any signs of kiwi
liastudiezzz noooo kiwi is so cute i hope you find him!
albon_pets
albon_pets the cat distribution system chose us once again 🫡 everyone welcome Moose to the Albon family!
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charles_leclerc welcome to the Albon family, Moose
albon_pets thank you Charles for the enthusiasm
georgerussell63 Omg so cute! Are you bringing him to the next race?
albon_pets yes he will be there!
ynslittlelife
ynslittlelife more old pictures of kiwi because i miss him so much :(
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yourbff officially crying about kiwi
ynslittlelife me too thank you for your solidarity
ilikecaras dear f1 girls, should we say something
mia_miami i feel like we should…
sof1a.8 say something about what?
ilikecaras alex’s new cat looks like kiwi
albon_pets
albon_pets Moose and Alex are ready for the race!
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georgerussell Does Moose have his drivers license?
albon_pets moose will not be driving the car
lewishamilton Moose and Roscoe should meet while he’s here!
albon_pets yes please!
norrissgarage I think you guys should talk to @/ynslittlelife because Moose looks just like her old cat Kiwi that she lost
ynslittlelife
ynslittlelife studying up on cars
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yourbff please don’t tell me you’re going to a race without me
ynslittlelife okay i won’t (it was a last minute thing)
yourbff WHAT DO YOU MEAN LAST MINUTE?
liastudiezzz i love how she’s always so cryptic like yesss girl never tell us the whole story
m_ana_co literally like is this related to the f1 driver she’s talking to i need to know
ynslittlelife
ynslittlelife first ever grand prix in the books!
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yourbff it looks so fun!! i can’t even be mad that you went without me anymore
ynslittlelife trust me i wish i could’ve taken you
yourbff next time 🤝
mia_miami OMG LUCKY!! and a paddock pass too?!
isabela.monaco i know this girl is literally living my dream
liastudiezzz right?? i want to be y/n in my next life
alex_albon so good to finally meet you!
ynslittlelife you too!! thanks for inviting me into your garage lol
williamsracing Thanks for making our garage so lively this weekend!
ynslittlelife thank you for explaining racing to me because i don’t know anything 😭
williamsracing anytime 🫡
alex_albon and ynslittlelife
alex_albon happy reunions 🥹
Please please let me know if this was good because I have never done an SMAU before!! But if you liked it I will definitely do more in the future. Also let me know if you're interested in a part two perhaps...?
#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#f1 fanfic#alex albon#alex albon x reader#alex albon imagine#smau#f1 smau#formula 1#formula 1 x reader#formula 1 fanfic#formula 1 imagine
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– Shanks/Ben/Reader (?) with the 1° genre, prompt (q.) and (x.) ✨
I'm a lover of both Shanks and Benn so this is delicious, and I've said it before so but I'll say it again - drunk party games are ABSOLUTELY something that the red hair pirates play, so this is just in character
Find the prompt list here
Content/Warnings: Shanks/GN!Reader/Benn, fluff, intoxication, secret relationship becomes public, use of the term 'daddy' as a joke, a little suggestive
Playing drunken games with the crew were always dangerous. All of them were a little too smart for their own good, but only when you wanted them to be dumb. They never had their wits about them when you wanted them to, but when you wanted them to be stupid, they all became Vegapunk. So, playing drunk games meant you were at risk of revealing things you really didn't want to.
What might you be keeping from your crew exactly? Well, the fact that you were dating your Captain, and first mate. It'd happened totally by accident, and you wouldn't change it for the world, but now you were here and trying to keep it a secret. You weren't ashamed, and you weren't afraid that they wouldn't approve, you just knew they wouldn't mind their business and you liked your privacy.
It would be fine, you were sure.
You sat at the side of the group, beside Gab, leaning your head against the crate he was sitting on. Everyone in the crew was close enough to at least be a little touchy with each other. Yassop threw back his head, and finished his drink, before throwing the bottle aside. "Alright - Benn," you laughed softly, already interested to see what the sniper would come up with, "would you date.. anyone on the crew?" Oh that wasn't as fun as you'd hoped. You met Shanks' eyes, and the two of you struggled not to laugh. "It's alright Benn, you can lie, I can take it." Shanks joked, an arm dramatically draped over his forehead. Everyone was more than used to your Captain's dramatics, so nobody questioned it, just laughing along in their drunken amusement. "Don't break our hearts Benn, you know you want us." You joked, pursing your lips in his direction as if waiting for a kiss, and Shanks doubled over with his laugher, while the rest of the crew shifted more to confusion to amusement.
Okay, maybe they're not that smart, maybe the three of you just.. aren't subtle.
"Do you ever feel like you've missed something?" Lucky asked Limejuice, who just nodded in response, looking between the three of you. Benn rolled his eyes, and smacked Shanks upside the head, flipping you the bird since he couldn't reach you. "Behave, both of you." He told you, a fond smile on his lips. "Sorry daddy." You said, scoffing as best as you could despite the grin you could suppress. Shanks snorted, spitting a mouthful of ale across the sand beneath you, and you couldn't hold back your own laughter after that. The crew around you stared on, bewildered.
"Alright then, one for you, baby," Benn's tone made a shiver go down your spine and a smirk play at your lips, "a dare, no choice since you want to be a brat." "Go on then, hit me with it." You told him, briefly making eye contact with Shanks but you had to look away before you broke down into drunken giggles. "Come here, get in my lap, and kiss me." Benn said, and suddenly you felt far more sober. You had a decision to make, and it was important you made it quickly. Shanks looked between the two of you, concern and confusion stirring in his stomach. Was this really how you were going to go public?
Yes, you decided, when you stood from your spot to approach Benn. You climbed up into his lap and wrapped your arms around his neck, pressing a soft and gentle kiss to his lips. Out of habit, Shanks pouted at the two of you and the words, "what about me?" left his lips before he could stop them. You and Benn turned to him with laughs and you pulled him closer.
Your lips landed on one cheek, while Benn's landed on the other, effectively quietening him for now. It would have to do, you supposed, while everyone was watching anyway.
Looking around, you noticed the entire crew had their eyes on the three of you, mouths hanging open. "You're all catching flies." You said, sipping from your bottle with ease, still seated comfortably in your lover's lap. Benn shuffled along on his crate so Shanks could sit beside him, their ankles locked together, and you shuffled to lean across the two of them. It was nice. "Lucky owes me fifty berri." Hongo mumbled, the first to regain his ability to speak.
Requests are open! See below links for my other works, and how to leave requests. I write both canon/canon and canon/reader requests for your enjoyment
AO3 | Fanfic Masterlist | Request Rules | Fic Trades Guide | WIPs
Tags: @claryeverlarkf @uselessboots @cainnoable
#one piece#fanfic#writing#reader insert#akagami no shanks#benn beckman#benn beckman x reader#benn x reader#shanks x reader#shanks x reader x benn#shanks x benn beckman#benn x reader x shanks#one piece x reader#gender neutral reader
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Just For Tonight | Ch. 3
This is the last part of this mini series! We might have some more coming for you - stay tuned!
Series Summary: Harry spots an angel in the crowd and he can't keep his eyes off of her. And, as if by some cosmic pull, he can't help but ask her backstage. But it's only going to be just for tonight. Or is it?
Chapter Summary: Is it true what they say? Does distance really make the heart grow fonder? Y/n isn't so sure so she tries to move on. But Harry has other plans.
A/N: In this chapter I mention a particular ex (without naming her) as part of the plot. This does not mean I feel one way or another about her, nor do I think this is an accurate representation of how she's acted after their split. This was requested for the story. This is a work of fiction.
Warning: 18+ only, smut, mentions of an ex, angst
Word Count: 11.8k
Commissioned by anon (thank you!! xoxo)
Just For Tonight Masterlist
It had been difficult for Y/n to stop thinking about Harry. They connected so well and she loved the way he was with her and how he carried himself. Loved the way they could talk about nothing and have it feel like the most interesting thing.
They had a few calls after he left LA for his tour. But that quickly became hard to navigate with the different time zones. He said he liked her and wanted to see her again. And she was sure that when he said that he meant it. The distance won, however.
But with his absence, with him being in another country on tour, and hundreds of people begging for a chance of what she got lucky enough to experience, she figured that what she’d gotten was probably all she’d ever get.
And that was okay. It wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted more of him. Would have loved to have seen him but she knew he was too famous and too amazing to settle for someone like her. She knew better than to ever get her hopes up. He’d done nothing wrong.
Instagram showed pictures of him with his friends and a mystery woman. A woman who was with him at one of his concerts. And then another one. Photos of them walking along the streets together. A fuzzy snap of them at a small café huddled closely. That was also okay. There had been no promises or commitments made.
Y/n hated to do it, hated to open up Instagram but her curiosity about Harry and if he’d been spotted by fans was eating at her. A DuexMoi post with a screenshot from his recent long-term ex’s Instagram account had her feeling nauseated. It was a subtle thing. Nothing specific but everyone picked up on the meaning. The text was a quote from a book she’d been reading over a picture of a close-up of her wearing a cross necklace.
The comments on what it meant were all over the place. And Y/n knew better than to read into anything too deeply or to fixate on something like this. Harry had brought up his ex once when their conversation was relevant to it. Said that she continued reaching out to him and that even when it was clear they were over the woman still called him and sent him messages on the regular.
And as much as she knew that it was probably nothing she couldn’t shake the way it felt to think of Harry and his ex getting back together somehow. She didn’t know anything about what he was doing at that moment because their calls had all but stopped by then. But the post from his ex was a signal. Did it mean anything? Maybe. But maybe it only meant something to his ex. Perhaps Harry hadn’t even seen it.
However, the comments on the post suggested they were talking again and reports of them trying to “work it out” were numerous.
And with that idea, she decided to log back into her stupid dating app. Try and get over the pop star once and for all. Move on if she could.
She’d had one good date from the app ages ago. The rest of the men who contacted her were absolute wastes but perhaps she’d find someone once again who she could tolerate for longer than a chat session. She’d give it a shot.
. . .
“But you did take her call?” Jeff spoke over the phone as Harry walked back to the hotel after a training session with Brad.
“Well, yeah. We have history. I didn’t want to be rude. Haven’t talked to her in a while. Thought maybe it could be important.”
“And was it?” Jeff sounded exasperated.
“No. She just said she missed me. Wants to see me when I get back to the States.”
Harry knew when he saw the incoming call from his ex that he probably shouldn’t pick up. But that was the thing about him. He was a people pleaser. He didn’t like when anyone was upset with him and he liked being on everyone’s good side. Even if it meant answering a call he didn’t want to take.
And part of him missed her. Missed what they had at the very beginning but he’d truly moved on. Especially with the idea that he’d be getting back to LA soon and seeing Y/n again. He hoped he hadn’t ruined it with her. It was hard to keep in contact with her. Too many missed calls and back-and-forth voicemails. Even the texts with Y/n had dwindled slowly. He understood that the distance was hard to overcome but that didn’t mean he wasn’t looking forward to hopefully seeing her again.
He knew if he had the chance to see her again and she still wanted to give it a shot with him he wouldn’t be letting go next time. He’d make it official. He’d want to really do it right with her. And he’d have a little time off from the tour to dote on her and give her lots of attention. Maybe even convince her that she should just travel with him wherever he went off to. Convince her that she should be his and that he would do everything he could to make her happy like she deserved.
He hoped it wasn’t too late.
And now with the new Instagram post from his ex the gossip had begun. Full articles written about how he and his ex were getting back together again, how it was true love, and a bunch of other nonsense that her story caused. And Jeff was pissed.
“I really wish you wouldn’t have taken her call. That’s sending her mixed signals and now with that godforsaken post she put up you’re already getting hate messages about taking her back. Calling you complicit. It’s a nightmare.”
Sometimes Harry really hated being famous. He didn’t even have to do much to get scrutiny. Sometimes one small little blunder, like answering a call could set off a chain of events that led him to where he was now, getting his ear chewed off by Jeff and having his fans upset with him.
But his main concern was if Y/n had seen it or not. He wondered what she thought about it. If she cared. He wondered how she was. If she’d seen anyone while he was gone. He missed her.
. . .
The job at The Dulcería had turned out to be one of the best things ever, income-wise anyway. She was exhausted and had little free time but she was pulling in pretty healthy tips and when it came time to pay her rent she had plenty left over to pay on time and stick the rest in savings.
Vyra steered clear for the most part but she did hover a bit any time Y/n had a table with a high roller or celebrity. Which, Y/n came to learn that not all celebrities tipped like Harry Styles. In fact, some tipped worse than normies to her shock.
One particularly demanding uber-famous model with her model friends was nice at first. Needed things brought out in a certain order, the wine had to be perfectly chilled or she wouldn’t drink from her glass, and then there was the lighting issue. She and her friends were snapping photos of themselves “eating” and the lights weren’t right.
Their table was full of The Dulcería’s most exclusive and expensive desserts (which the restaurant was famous for) and yet only a few bites were taken after uploading all their photos to Instagram. It was a shame that all of it had to be tossed when their table was cleared. It felt like it should be illegal. Belgian fine chocolate ganache, freshly made lemon curd, berries from the local market selected that very morning, handpicked herbs, candied pistachios, and fresh lavender cream. All that waste for nothing.
The tip that was left after that three-hour debacle was less than 5% of the bill. She assumed the woman who supposedly had many millions of dollars to her name would have given a better tip on a nearly $3,000 tab. Just imagine watching a rich woman clad in designer carrying a purse most people had to get on a waitlist for leaving a $145 tip on a $3,000 tab.
Still, even then, she was bringing in good tips and couldn’t complain often.
Her feet hurt and she smelled like the restaurant through and through at the end of her shifts. If she could have just collapsed into her bed and gone to sleep she would have. But the thought of not showering off first made her skin crawl. She needed the scent of food and spilled wine scrubbed from her pores.
And like she did nearly every night before falling asleep, she checked social media and then checked her dating app to see if there were any hits. Any worthy of a response from her.
One evening she did hear from a man who seemed intriguing. He appeared to be normal and handsome. So she sent him a response and opened up the chat option if he wanted to pursue something.
And the following day at the office she and Jimmy had chatted intermittently. She felt that sweet little familiar bubble of excitement in her tummy when her phone gave her a notification that he’d messaged her.
They made plans to meet up in person on a Wednesday after work at a bar near to her house.
It had been almost two months since she’d seen Harry. He did message her a few weeks prior but there was no call and when she responded he didn’t respond back. She figured it was time to look for something a little more serious. She knew better than to assume she and Harry were endgame. No matter how good the sex and connection were.
She stopped stalking Instagram and googling to find out where he was in the world. It was better for her own mental health to try and move on from him. He had been a fun fling. A great guy. Maybe one of the best “hookups” she’d ever had. Not maybe. He definitely was. He had been kind and thoughtful and fun. And he was great in bed.
But it was time to put that behind her now. A date with a nice, normal guy was in order. She just hoped she could erase the way Harry made her feel and that she wouldn’t compare every guy she tried dating to the pop star.
Jimmy was attractive in person to her delight. He worked downtown not far from where she did and they talked about mundane things like their commute (anyone living in or around LA will understand this is a hot topic), the buildings they worked in, and their jobs. When Y/n revealed she worked as a waitress on the side Jimmy seemed impressed by her even more.
After a few glasses of wine and for Jimmy, beer, they decided to part ways. It had been a good first meetup. Y/n was feeling buzzy and excited. Hopeful.
The chats with Jimmy continued but moved from the app to texts. They had plans to meet up again Monday evening.
Her weekend shift at The Dulcería was like any other. Tips were good. Some of the patrons were just so-so. Vyra was annoying but gave her space. But she was exhausted. She only worked an extra 18 hours a week as a waitress but after a few months, it began to wear on her.
So when Monday came around and she walked to the same bar to meet up with Jimmy she didn’t expect that the text she’d be getting wouldn’t be from her date.
Just as she was pushing through the doors to the bar she looked at her notification screen and nearly dropped her phone.
It was Harry.
She paused by the door for a moment, contemplating whether or not to read the text to see what he wanted or to wait until after her date. She decided on the latter out of respect for Jimmy.
The problem was, though, that Y/n couldn’t get it out of her mind what it was that Harry had texted her. It had been long enough that she figured he’d completely moved on. And was it fair of him to reach out again after all that time?
So, instead of feeling flattered, she started to feel the tiny crawling of annoyance and frustration dragging up her spine.
“I’d like to see you again soon. Maybe we can get dinner next time. Take a walk afterward along the boardwalk or something?” Jimmy said as he hugged Y/n goodbye before they went their separate ways.
“That sounds great. I’m free Sunday night if you want to do it then. Kind of hard most Fridays and Saturdays,” she shrugged as she felt Jimmy squeeze her hand.
“Sunday night sounds perfect. Can I pick you up?”
. . .
Hey, how are you? Miss you.
She read the text over and over again. That was all it said but why? Why send it? It wasn’t as if he couldn’t be allowed to text her. He had her number. They’d slept together a couple of times and had gotten to know one another beyond just surfacey stuff. But still.
Instead of texting him back, she decided to leave him on read. She needed time to figure out how to respond. What to say, or if she should say anything. Maybe she should just leave it so he got the hint about what was going on. That she didn’t want to open up that chapter again and get herself hurt. Because she would get her heart broken by Harry if she let herself get lost in it.
And it wasn’t like he’d done anything wrong at all. It was clear that what had happened between them had just been casual. Good, fun sex. So responding to him wouldn’t have been weird but there was a part of her that felt like maybe he’d dug his way into her heart a little more than she was ready to admit. If she was taking his innocent text so seriously and pondering it so deeply, perhaps there was more to it. Which meant she needed to let it go for her own good.
So she did leave him on read. But more for her sake than his she figured.
. . .
Harry couldn’t understand why she hadn’t responded. He could see that she’d read the text. But why not respond? He wondered if this meant she’d moved on. Maybe she’d seen that post from his ex and figured he was on his way to getting back with her somehow amidst all the rumors.
He was aware of how things were between himself and Y/n. He’d given in and fucked his own rule to not sleep with someone who was supposed to be a one-time thing more than once. To go back for more. But when he saw her that night at the restaurant he felt like somehow it was fate. Not like a deep sort of forever kind of fate, but more like a this is okay to indulge in more than once kind of fate. He usually didn’t like doing that but with Y/n it felt different. And she was hot. And funny. And the way she handled him in bed had definitely left a mark on him. She wasn’t just a fan or a casual sex partner. She wasn’t just some girl.
So that’s why he texted her. He was coming back to LA in a couple of weeks. Figured they could see one another again and have some fun. But maybe that was the problem. She was more than just fun for a night. He liked her a lot. And perhaps she was feeling something similar and needed to put that distance there so she didn’t get hurt. Harry could understand that.
While he was away he had one of his good friends along with him. He liked to have someone he trusted, which was rare in his world. He had a hard time trusting most people. She was easygoing and didn’t want anything from him sexually so she was a perfect confidant and companion to have traveling with him. It was nice to have friends like her. Something that didn’t need to be anything but friendly. Someone that he could joke around with and not worry much about being on his best behavior with.
She even gave him great advice about Y/n and then his ex after the disaster of her Instagram post. He knew he’d been snapped with her as he was out and about. On walks, in restaurants, in group settings. There were of course the usual rumors that they were dating but that couldn’t have been further from the truth.
He imagined that Y/n had seen the photos of him walking with the girl next to him. Plus the post from his ex wasn’t helping matters. Maybe it had all been too much for Y/n? Or maybe he was overthinking it all. He wasn’t quite ready to give up but he’d let her be until he returned.
. . .
Jimmy took Y/n to a cute little Mexican spot Sunday night and they ordered margaritas and Baja tacos with guacamole and cactus salad.
And Jimmy looked extra attractive that evening. She hadn’t noticed before then that his forearms were so thick. He had a sweater on that he’d pushed up to his elbows baring his arms. A bit of scruff on his face. And he smelled nice.
She felt like maybe they’d had enough dates and had gotten to know one another well enough that going back to his place might be fun. She wouldn’t mind a fun romp in the sack with him.
So when they walked back to Jimmy’s car she decided to go out on a limb, “Would you… what do you think about maybe going back to your place together? Or mine? I was thinking we could kind of relax and continue our conversation a bit?”
Jimmy opened the passenger door for her to let her into his car, “Oh. Yeah! Absolutely. Whichever place is better for you. It’s up to you. Mine or yours.”
And because Y/n wanted to do more than just “continue their conversation” she figured his place was best since Brad was probably home. The last time she had a man in her bed was Harry and Brad hinted at having heard them the next day. Not something she wanted to repeat nor subject poor Brad to again.
Jimmy lived in a one-bedroom apartment. He had no roommates which was ideal.
“So, I just want to tell you that right now I’m not looking for a serious relationship. I still have my profile up and kind of chatting with another girl but it hasn’t gone anywhere. I think once we get to know one another a little more maybe we can talk about being exclusive. Does that sound okay?”
She appreciated Jimmy’s honesty. And she was glad that he told her before they’d gotten any further. Because they were both sitting on his couch and making out heavily. In fact, her hand was already slowly making its way up his thigh when he stopped her to come clean.
She paused and thought for a moment. Was that okay? She began to nod and turned her gaze back to her date, “Thank you for telling me. And yeah… I think I can agree to that. Let’s just keep being honest with one another like this and I think it’ll be really good,” she leaned in when Jimmy grinned at her answer and she climbed over his lap, not ready to stop the direction they were already headed.
And just as she’d intended when she left the restaurant with Jimmy they had sex after clearing the air about their status.
It was good. She liked having sex. She didn’t do it a lot. Maybe she’d have one or two a year at most. Hopefully, Jimmy would be someone she could keep around. She hated dating and finding someone she could trust.
Jimmy didn’t get her off, though. He tried. He ate her out, which she was already very pleased with. Not all men would go down on a woman without having to be prompted. Jimmy was eager.
But when that didn’t get her off she told him to get a condom so they could have sex.
Again, he was eager. Quite good really. But as was typical for having sex with anyone for the first time, she didn’t come. She was nice and wet and super turned on but it just didn’t happen.
She didn’t mind much. He did hit some really good spots that made her moan and got her close a few times. He tried rubbing her clit to get her off before he could come but it didn’t do it for her. She guided his fingers over her the way she liked but he needed time to figure out her body a little. Nothing wrong with that at all.
And he knew she didn’t come. He was disappointed in himself when he pumped into his condom and groaned in his orgasm. He apologized profusely and tried to eat her out again but she was tired. They’d been going at it for a while because his goal was to make her come.
“It’s okay. Really. Jimmy, you’re so good. It’s always like this the first time for me. I had so much fun with you.” She cupped his jaw.
While what she was saying was mostly true, she couldn’t stop imagining how Harry had gotten her off his first time. And the second time and the following morning before he left. She tried to swallow down those thoughts and not let that interrupt her moment with Jimmy but she couldn’t help it. Harry’s moves were just better and his dirty talk and his body. And his cock. And him.
She closed her eyes to squeeze out that image from her mind. There was nothing wrong with Jimmy’s body or his dick. He was fine. She was sure that after some work he’d be getting her off soon enough. They’d eventually get very comfortable with one another and sex would be better and she’d orgasm easier.
Really at the end of the day she wanted to feel close with someone. And she got exactly that with Jimmy. He pulled her into his chest and they fell asleep in his bed. She might have not gotten her orgasm but she got the connection and closeness she’d been craving and missing.
. . .
The following week they skipped going out for a date altogether and Jimmy cooked for her at his place. He was a pretty romantic person. A genuinely nice guy. Handsome, funny, smart. But their second time having sex was not different from the first. Y/n was sure she’d come and had gotten close a few times but it still just didn’t happen.
And for the first time in her life ever, she faked it. She felt she had to. The poor guy was suffering. He was hammering into her and grunting and shaking, continually pulling out before he could release. For nearly half an hour that was the scene.
He tried holding her legs to the side and thrusting into her as he hovered over her but she needed something more, she was sure. Her own fingers at her clit and his cock slipping in and out just didn’t do the job. So she got on all fours and Jimmy’s bed creaked and bounced and it felt really good. Just not good enough.
Finally, when she rode him she felt that yummy gooey thing she always got just before coming but the moment she began to quiver and just before she could come Jimmy’s words halted any further gooeyness, “Finally, fuck!”
That had done it. She wasn’t going to come. He didn’t mean it to be rude, she was sure. Jimmy was the sweetest guy, truly. But that little bit was all she needed and her orgasm was ruined. So when she felt him throbbing in his condom she moaned and clenched and did all the stupid acting a porn star would to fake her orgasm.
For him to say finally in response to thinking she was coming. Really? That had irked her. She wished he hadn’t said that.
But it didn’t deter her. She really did like the guy. And surely the third time would be the charm. Except it wasn’t. The following morning he ate her out and then they had sex and he got off while she faked it again. She had to get going anyway because it was Monday morning and she had to be at the office.
It felt good to be dating someone. Even if it was casual. Jimmy had mentioned he hadn’t seen anyone else, but she didn’t miss it when he said “yet”. And part of her preferred it casual with Jimmy. Liked that her options were still open for the time being. But it did feel good to be in a relationship of sorts. Felt nice to know that someone liked her enough to keep texting her and seeing her and wanted to sleep with her. It felt grownup. That’s what she wanted. Connection. Relationship. And that’s what Jimmy gave her. In due time they would be more sexually compatible. She was sure.
On Friday night at the restaurant, she was given a couple of large groups. They were relatively nice. Perfectly well-behaved groups. Jimmy had been texting her all night. He was hoping to see her and have her stay over until the following morning before she had to be at work.
She hadn’t decided if she would or not. She sort of wanted to sleep her morning away before needing to be on her feet all night again. And she figured she could use her dildo and make herself come because she was sure Jimmy couldn’t. She knew that he wanted to have sex with her and at that point it just sounded exhausting. Now every time they got together the night ended with sex and a failed orgasm on her part. She didn’t know if something was wrong with her or if maybe she wasn’t as compatible with Jimmy as she thought. But she knew one thing. He wasn’t getting her off like she needed. And her feelings about that were giving her pause. She wondered if she was just settling for casual dates with Jimmy. Wondering if Harry had ruined her for anyone else.
So when she was suddenly interrupted coming out of the kitchen to check on one of her tables she jumped at his voice. It had been unexpected.
“Harry? What are you doing here?” She looked around and the bustling restaurant and then back up at the handsome man. Her body tingled at his presence and she got that lightheaded excitedness that she felt every time she saw him. And she realized that that was something she never experienced with Jimmy.
“I just wanted to say hi. You hadn’t texted me back the last time I reached out and I’m here for dinner right now and saw you walking back and forth. Just wanted to see how you are.”
She didn’t realize Harry had been there. Usually, the servers would mention any time anyone famous came in.
“Oh. Yeah, I’m well. Just… gosh I’ve been really busy. How have you been? I didn’t know you were back.” She decided not to address the fact that she hadn’t responded to his text nearly a month ago.
“I’m great. Been back in LA for almost a week. Missed you.”
Missed you. Yeah, she missed him too if she were honest. But she’d been pushing it all down. Covering up her feelings with Jimmy.
“That’s… I uh… missed you too.” She didn’t know what else to say. Out loud anyway. Internally she was telling him all about how the guy she’d been dating was super sweet but terrible in bed. Well, not terrible. But not Harry. And he didn’t make her feel all floaty and full of syrup and butterflies and anticipation the way Harry did. How she was having trouble connecting with Jimmy the way she could with Harry. God, how she’d love to have another round with him again. Feel that yummy stretch he gave her, that sharp deep poke, listen to his deep voice in her ear as he coaxed her through an orgasm that had her shaking and slobbering into the sheets.
“Yeah? Maybe I can see you after? I’ll stick around til you get off.”
Her mind was playing tricks on her. Til you get off. Yeah, she knew that would happen if she allowed him to stick around. She’d get off all right. He’d see to it. She should say no. Should tell him she’s seeing someone. It’s not serious but she shouldn’t do that to Jimmy. But then again…
“Okay. Yeah. I’d like that. Should be done here in an hour and a half. Is that okay?”
“F’course. I’ll be here.”
She felt immediate guilt. Jimmy didn’t deserve to be put on the back burner. He was too sweet. And there was nothing wrong with him. Sex wasn’t amazing but it wasn’t bad and eventually, she’d get used to him and she’d orgasm with him. Surely. Right? But the biggest thing that nagged at her was the way she felt around Harry. Just having him standing before her and speaking to her had her feeling things she realized she never felt with Jimmy. Maybe Jimmy wasn’t a good match for her.
And she and Jimmy weren’t exclusive. That had been made clear at the beginning. Jimmy did say that he wasn’t ready to be serious with anyone and that he wanted to get to know her for a while before any commitments were made. So it wasn’t like she was actually doing anything wrong. And it wasn’t as if Harry was asking her to have sex with him. Not by any means. Perhaps it was just to chat. To just catch up.
. . .
It was most definitely not just to chat. But of course, she knew that. Harry had her in his bed nearly the minute they walked into his huge mansion. It was the first time she’d been to his place and she barely had a moment to look around before he was dragging her to his master suite. They’d made out the entire way from the restaurant to his place in the back of the car. She couldn’t help it. It was like magic between them. Like fate. Like they were meant to be. She felt powerless to it.
“God I missed you,” he whispered into her neck as he gripped the back of her head, “Have never kissed anyone with softer lips.”
She was wet nearly instantly. Jimmy had to work hard to get her in the state she was with Harry after only five minutes of a hot, backseat makeout session.
In his room, she pulled his pants down and dropped to her knees. She needed to see him. Needed to dig her nails into his thick, masculine thighs. She panted as she leaned in and pressed her lips over his tiger tattoo and ran her hands upward to cup his bulge.
Harry watched her from her position on her knees before him and finally felt like he was home. There was something about this girl that he couldn’t shake. He had missed her. And the whole reason he had gone to The Dulcería that night was to see her.
So he was surprised when she so easily said yes to seeing him after work. Surprised when she flirted with him and responded to his touch with touches of her own. Surprised when she kissed him in the back seat of the cab and now more than anything, was pleased by the direction the night was going.
He decided before he even saw her that night that he wanted to make her his. Wanted it to be official. He could see himself getting serious with her. Saw himself bringing her with him everywhere. Falling in love. The whole nine.
Her lips sucked and pulled at his cock and it was better than he remembered. There was certainly nothing like the real thing when it came to getting head and Harry had been doing a lot of imagining over the months. He’d missed her warmth and her eyes. Her wet lips slipping over his shaft.
She coughed and gurgled around him as she sat back for a breath and stroked him in her hand. He brushed his fingers along her temple to move her hair from her face and she was already looking up at him. Her top had been unbuttoned and he had a view of her big tits held in by her bra and her soft eyes looking up at him with his cock in her hand.
“Fuck, angel. Missed you so much.”
She smiled and leaned in with her pink tongue sticking out before licking over his balls, gently kissing and sucking at the skin. He moaned as she moved upward over his shaft and to his crown before popping him back into her mouth.
Another good gag had Harry pulling her up, “Darling, take your clothes off,” he said through soft breaths as he pulled his shirt off and kicked his pants down the rest of the way off his legs.
She removed her work outfit and could smell the restaurant on herself, “I should like, shower or something. I smell like kitchen and food…”
Harry dragged her into his arms and stepped her back toward the bed, “Just like you are. I need you now.” He spoke against her lips.
She was pushed into his bed, her naked body under his with his soft mouth drinking her in. His lips moved from her jaw to her neck and suckled at her tits for a while before he got down to business slurping away at her cunt.
Yes. Okay. That was good. Harry was good. And she knew it wasn’t just because he was so skilled. No. She realized that it was because of the way she felt for Harry. Her heart thundered in her chest wildly as she yanked his hair and ground her pussy into his face. Harry sucked and kissed and fingered wetly as he moaned into flesh. It was everything. Harry was everything.
When she splashed a bit on his face from her orgasm Harry sat back with a laugh as he massaged the inside of her thighs. She forced herself to open her eyes to look at him. He was breathing heavily, his chest flushed pink, his cock thickened and erect. Ready to be pressed right into her sloppy pussy.
He had a hand at his base as he smoothed his weepy tip through her hot and sticky crease. He small whine fell from his lips before he got up to grab a condom. He would have loved to have just fucked her raw but they’d need to talk about all that first. And they’d barely done any talking that evening.
She pushed herself up to her elbows to watch Harry as he stood next to the bed and looked down at his girthy cock, sliding the condom over himself. She couldn’t wait to feel him inside of her again. At long last.
His strong body was insane. She’d never get over it. Wanted to drag her tongue over every inch and drink up his sweat and taste the salt in her mouth. God, he made her insatiable.
Harry kneed up to her on the bed, his heavy condom-covered dick swaying until he pulled her toward him and planted his lips onto hers. Soft and sensuous. The way he kissed her was enough to call it all off Jimmy. It had her head spinning and her tummy doing somersaults. Never something Jimmy had accomplished in their couple of months of dating.
He was breathing hard as he backed from the kiss and looked over her bare body, “I needed this so bad. God… You have no idea how much I missed you, Y/n.”
She really didn’t know. Because she imagined he was getting plenty of ass while he’d been away.
Harry laid her down on the bed, her back flat on the mattress as he leaned over her frame and attached his lips to her breasts one at a time. She could feel his cock dragging over her as he moved from one nipple to the other.
He felt her buck upward under him and he smiled as he popped off her nipple and looked down at her, “Need something, angel?”
She nodded with a grin, “Your cock. Please.”
Harry groaned and thumbed over moistened nipples before grasping his shaft with one hand and planting his palm down onto the mattress to hold himself up over her.
“Yeah? Please? You missed me, angel?”
“Oh my god…” she moaned as she felt his tip press against her entrance, “Yes. Oh my god, I missed you.”
Harry sat back onto his haunches so he could watch as he entered her. It was his favorite view. The way she spread open, the tight little snap of him entering her clenching muscle, how nicely she took all of him. He pushed in and pulled back, wetting himself as he inched in further and further. She was sopping and had coated his condom in her drippy juices. He moaned as he dipped in deeper and watched her mouth drop open in relief at the feel of him stuffing her pussy.
When he’d gotten in balls deep he sighed, “Oh fuck, angel. I’m gonna treat you so good.” And he didn’t just mean while he was fucking her. He meant it in every way one could. He was going to treat her exactly as she deserved.
When he began to thrust in and out with long and languid strokes, the poke into her belly was toe-curling. She’d missed the way his cock felt and missed him. Missed him more than anything.
The patting of their skin slapping together wetly sounded as good as it felt. Harry moaned and Y/n gasped. He was deep. It was as if he’d somehow grown in size since he’d been away but she was sure it was just because Harry was Harry. She liked his dick but she just really liked him.
Harry had a nice grip on her thighs to keep them spread so he could have an unobstructed image of what he was doing to her, “God your little hole is just taking me, baby…” he groaned.
She peered up at him, his abs and his thighs flexing as he worked himself into her steadily. Every time he plunged in he nudged himself into her with a quick buck at the end to push himself as far in as he could get, causing her to jolt upward and whimper at the ache.
“Your cock… oh god Harry…” she didn’t know what she was trying to say. Except maybe just that she was really enjoying him. A compliment to how good he felt. How good he was.
Harry rhythmically rocked into her and released one of her thighs to use his thumb on her clit. He softly smoothed his pad over her sticky and aroused nub and she gasped. Harry grinned at her as she reached down to feel the mess they were making, her fingers slipping next to his and then lower, to feel where his cock was sliding in and out, spreading her pussy apart, the wet hair at his base, his balls as they nudged into her when he buried himself in.
“My cock? Yeah? That feel good inside you?”
“Yes, fuck… your gonna make me come so hard,” she moaned her words as she kept her fingers held against the spot where he was pushing into her, slick and creamy.
“Feel that? Feel how wet you get for me? How hard you make me?” He sucked in a sharp breath when her fingers glided along his balls and he stilled his hips, grinding himself into her. She was forced to move her fingers back up to her clit as Harry grasped her hips and pulled her over him so she could feel just how deep he was.
“God I wish I could fuck you without a condom. Come inside of your sweet cunt and fill you up like you deserve.”
She moaned at his words and the way he was buried inside of her guts. Her eyes fluttered closed as she continued to finger over her clit. That sounded exactly like what she wanted too. Wanted to feel him pouring into her and then watch it leak out slowly as he stuffed it back in with his tip.
“Oh my god, Harry. That sounds good…” She looked down at where his pelvis was pasted to hers as he circled his hips into her.
“Yeah? Gonna make you mine, baby and then I’m gonna fuck you raw and come inside of you over and over again. You want that?”
Nodding her head, she had a pained, fucked-out expression on her face, “Yess…” she panted.
Harry leaned over her body, not able to resist kissing her any longer. He needed his mouth on hers immediately.
The quick change of position had Y/n gasping as Harry shifted over her and pressed his lips to hers. The smooth strokes of his cock started up again as he planted his mouth over hers and licked against her tongue.
Intimate. That’s what it was. Harry was intimate but it felt especially real. Especially meaningful. She tried not to think about how soft and loving he was being with her because it felt so much like what someone would do if he was in love.
But then suddenly he took her hand and wound his fingers into hers, pressing their joined hands into the bed next to the pillow her head was on, as he continued thrusting and kissing. That gesture totally tipped her mind into that place she didn’t want to go. That place that told her he was just as into her as she was into him. That he wanted her and only her.
She bent her knees and planted her feet flat, lifting her hips upward each time he pushed in. It was wet and hot between them. Harry’s body over hers was solid and strong as he fucked into her with everything he had. She felt it too. Felt him put his whole body into each thrust.
Their hands stayed wound together tightly as Harry licked into her mouth. They parted only for gasps of air and to let out whimpers and moans.
“Please, Y/n…” Harry whispers against her lips before opening his mouth over hers and smoothing them together, closing his mouth around her tongue and then pressing his tongue passed her lips. She wanted to ask him why he said please but her brain was scrambled and focused on the way their bodies moved together. How good he felt. How good she felt.
Her heart was pounding so hard she could hear it. She was certain Harry could hear it too. His pelvis stayed pressed into her clit and each time he stuffed himself into the hilt he undulated his hips as she tilted her own pelvis into him.
“Oh fuck!” She cried when Harry hit something inside of her that made her body tingle. She’d felt nothing like it before but she was sure it wasn’t just something physical he was nudging into. It was something emotional. She was doomed to his charm. Doomed to fall for him whether she wanted to or not. But how could she not?
Harry pushed himself up, his hands still wrapped around hers, “Okay, angel?” His soft, beautiful eyes would haunt her. Dark lashes and a dark limbal ring that lined his already perfect shade of green…
“It just… it feels so good, Harry. You’re making me feel so good,” she panted her words.
Harry dragged his gaze from her eyes down to her tits, “Want you to ride me, okay? Want to see how you fuck yourself on me.”
Nodding her head Harry slid himself out with a soft hiss as he grasped his cock and watched the tiniest bit of liquid gush from her pussy. She’d only gotten wetter as he fucked her.
Harry took her hand and brought it to his lips, “What are you doing to me, Y/n?”
She sat up as they kept their eyes locked and Harry grasped the back of her neck and kissed her again. They sat in the middle of his massive bed, both on their knees, naked and kissing urgently until Harry sat back and pulled Y/n with him, dragging her body over his, never letting their lips part.
She straddled his lap as he grasped her hips and pressed her wet cunt to his impossibly hard erection. When he’d finally laid his back into the mattress she placed her palms over his pecs and felt his hands at her ass, guiding her up so she could put him back in as quickly as possible.
Letting her fingertips travel over his chest, feeling the hair on her palm, the sturdy muscle under his soft skin, she scraped lightly and leaned down to lick his nipple. She smiled when he moaned and as badly as she wanted to have his cock back inside of her she needed to show her affection to his gorgeous body. At least a little.
Moving her lips to his other side she licked over his pebbled nippled and looked up at his face. His eyes were closed and his mouth was dropped open. His chest was rising and falling rapidly as she nipped with her teeth gently.
Harry groaned and opened his eyes, lifting his head to watch her work over him with her teeth and her tongue, “Fuck, baby.”
Y/n grinned and lifted her mouth from his skin, “Harry, your body is fucking incredible. I could lick and kiss it all day long.”
With her eyes on his she leaned down and stuck out her pink tongue to drag up from the underside of his peck up to his other nipple. She pulled it into her mouth and scraped her teeth over it before kissing it. She dotted warm pecks upward to his clavicle and licked as she went.
Harry’s whimpers grew desperate as he watched her lick and kiss his skin. But he needed to have her on him. His cock was aching and with the sweet and adoring attention she was giving him with her tongue and her lips he was going mad.
Harry grasped her hips and the pathetic whine that fell from his throat had her peeking up at him again, “Please, angel. I need you to fuck me.”
And well, that was all it took. He had said please after all. She lined up herself over his tip and began to sink over him, her pelvis tilted into him, “Okay, baby. I’ll fuck you now. God I need you too…” they moaned loudly as she slid over him until her pussy lips were kissing the very base of his cock.
She kept her hands pressed to his chest as she gently rocked herself over him. Harry moved her up and down slowly, keeping his hands on her bottom, and watched her pretty face contort at the feel of him splitting her pussy apart on his big cock.
“God you’re already creaming all over baby. So fucking wet I can hear it.” Harry spoke through gritted teeth. He loved the way she looked on top, her tits gently jiggling at each roll of her hips, her wet mouth dropped open, her eyes fluttering open and closed in ecstasy.
“You make me so wet, Harry. No one gets me wet like you. I need you…” she groaned as she bucked her hips down over him.
“Yeah? Need me, baby? I can tell…” he gasped when she clenched over him, “Can tell by the way you’re fucking yourself on me. Gonna get yourself off on my cock, angel?”
Y/n keened when Harry lifted his hips up the tiniest bit, forcing his cock deeper yet. A delicious sting.
“Harry… fuck!”
Harry breathed in a shaky breath and pulled at her elbow to bring her body down toward his. He wanted more contact. Wanted her closer. Wanted to kiss her as they both released together because he could tell she was nearly there.
The moment her lips were pressed to his he bent his knees slightly and tilted his pelvis upward so he could thrust into her as she fucked herself down onto him. Wet squelches and soft gasps surrounded them as they kept their bodies connected, on edge, trembling.
One of Harry’s hands smoothed down to her bottom while he took his other to bring her fingers into his. He wanted it sensual, erotic, soft, lusty. There was something about fucking Y/n and having his lips on hers and her hand in his that was making his heart swell with affection. He’d never have enough of her.
She shivered over him and he knew it wasn’t because she was cold. There was no way her body was cold with the way they had been going at it. No. He knew her shiver was because she felt it. Felt what he was. Knew this was it for them.
Her breasts were smushed into Harry’s chest and her thighs were squeezing around him as she continued pushing herself down over him. Her small hand in his with her fingers threaded between his was warm.
“Shit… you coming baby?” Harry felt her limbs tense and the tight muscle at her entrance grip around his cock in pulses.
“Fuck… yess! Fuck!” She couldn’t stop her orgasm from finding its way to the surface. She hadn’t expected it to burst out of her so quickly but having her hand surrounded by his while his cock was buried inside of her was not a casual sex move and that notion alone had her spinning out of control.
He was holding her hand and kissing the edge of her mouth through it all and now that she was coming around him, he squeezed her hand tighter and whispered to her through her orgasm, “There you go, angel. Made for me, aren’t you? My good girl…” she writhed and whimpered in her climax and he could tell it felt good. Could tell she was getting what she deserved.
Harry let her spasm around him for a moment longer until he couldn’t hold on for another second. He lifted his hips and gasped as he spurt into his condom. Gushes of hot come filling the rubber tip as he throbbed inside of her.
She felt his prick pump against her slick walls as he came. His breath was caught in his throat as he released into his condom. The grasp he had on her hand was locked down hard. She would have complained that it hurt but the last thing she wanted to do was have him release her in any way. She always wanted this with him. The closeness, the intimacy. The insane connection they had.
When Harry finally filled his lungs with air and his face relaxed her felt her slumped into his chest. He loosened his grip on her hand but didn’t let go. He wouldn’t let go. Never.
She’d passed out. Simply exhausted after Harry had handled her body like he owned it. Exhausted after giving every inch of his body her attention and love because damn did he deserve it. He was breathtaking. The man deserved to be worshipped. He was stunning and the way he gave himself to her was mind-blowing.
. . .
Blinking her eyes open the morning light was barely peeking through the window. It must have been super early. He was still asleep next to her. Hair a mess, cheeks smushed, small breaths puffed out from his mouth (he slept with his mouth opened she learned after the few times they’d slept together).
She was feeling something deeper for Harry than she wanted. The guilt about ignoring Jimmy and going home with another man was eating at her. Jimmy didn’t deserve that. He was a nice guy. A normal guy. But Harry was different. And it wasn’t just because he was hot and famous. It was because they understood one another in a way that she didn’t know if she’d ever get to with Jimmy. And that didn’t feel great.
Especially because Harry was… well he was Harry Styles. Falling for him would be dangerous and she’d have her heart broken. She could fall for him too. Another round of sex like they’d had the night before and it would be over for her. She’d tip over the edge of no return and need him in a way he’d never need her. She might just have to settle for Jimmy in that case. Perhaps that would really be as good as it could get for her.
Slowly slipping out of his bed she went to the bathroom with her phone.
She powered it back on and cringed when she had a couple of missed notifications from Jimmy. Not only had she kind of betrayed his trust and slept with someone else after he asked her to come over, but she wasn’t totally honest with Harry either. Hadn’t told him about the guy she’d been dating. A guy she was working on getting to know and could see herself dating long-term. Well, she could have seen Jimmy as someone long-term had it not been for Harry being so goddamn perfect.
Could she see herself with Harry long-term? She could actually but the reality was he probably didn’t see her in the same way. She chalked up his words and the intimacy with him just being a very sensual and sexual and vulnerable man. He was probably that way with everyone he slept with. She didn’t want to assume it was because he liked her just as much as she liked him.
Splashing her face with water she sighed as she looked at herself in the mirror. She knew what she needed to do. To protect herself. To make things right.
She needed to go home and tell Jimmy everything. And then she needed to decide if she could see herself being exclusive with Jimmy or not. Could she settle? She’d let Harry get under her skin. She didn’t know how he’d done it so fast but maybe it was just his natural charm. Whatever it was, she knew Harry would be okay. Knew it was unlikely that he felt anything close to how she was feeling.
Her Uber driver arrived faster than she thought. She rushed out of Harry’s bedroom, down the stairs, and out the door, before she even had time to write a little note. She fully intended on doing that but it was too late. It was time to put it all behind her. Maybe this was going to get Harry out of her system once and for all.
But she could be dumb at times.
. . .
Instead of coming clean to Jimmy right away, she broke down the moment she got into her bedroom. She regretted everything. The way she handled Jimmy. The way she gave in to Harry. The way she left Harry without saying goodbye.
What was she thinking? She was too young to be going through a midlife crisis but she was at an age where she needed to grow up and start making big girl decisions. Settle down with a good man. Jimmy was surely that man. A normal guy. Someone in her league. But maybe she so easily gave in to Harry because Jimmy still had his dating profile active and that stayed with her in the back of her mind. Their casual dating relationship meant they were allowed to see who they wanted.
But Harry was… There was something there. Something else that she didn’t have with Jimmy. That she wasn’t sure she’d ever have. But that was why she needed to cut it out with the famous man. He was famous. He was exceptional in so many ways and there was simply no way he’d feel for her what she felt for him. He was too good to be true.
The messages from both men continued through the day. She shut her phone off when she got to work. She just couldn't face it. Couldn’t deal with it. Tomorrow. She’d figure it out tomorrow. Explain everything to Jimmy and to Harry. Harry would be okay. She knew he would be. He’d probably felt relief that she didn’t stay in fact. Made it easier for him so he didn’t have to break it to her that that should be their last time together. Though, she hadn’t read any of the messages he sent (she simply couldn’t bring herself to) she was sure he would be the easy one to deal with. Jimmy, though… She hoped he’d forgive her. But she knew she needed to call it off with Jimmy as well. Nice enough, a great guy for just about anyone. But maybe not for her. Especially not when she couldn’t stop comparing him to Harry. So she’d made up her mind. She’d call Jimmy the following day and sort things out with him. Tell him they had a good run and then that would be that.
But sometimes things in life don’t always go as one imagines. Do they?
With her phone shut off, she had missed the calls and the subsequent texts from both men. She had not realized that they’d both texted her that they were going to be waiting for her at her house when she got home because they needed to talk. She had not imagined pulling up to her little rented bungalow to see three men standing in her front yard.
There was Brad, mediating the whole scene, standing between the two men she’d been ignoring for the entirety of the day.
Then there was Jimmy with a red face and posture that told her he was feeling quite insecure about something. Of which she was sure she had a good idea.
And there was Harry. Pacing. With his hands in his hair and his mouth moving as he said something that had him excited.
The three men suddenly stopped as she pulled in front of the house. All three sets of eyes on her. She had been avoiding simply responding to them. Assuming she’d have time to get her thoughts together. But now she had no choice. She was being forced to confront them.
Harry began to walk toward her car first. But then Jimmy followed too. Both men spoke to one another animatedly as she opened the door.
“Nahh… back off man,” Harry spoke to Jimmy but kept his eyes toward Y/n.
“No. I’m not going to back off…” Jimmy quickened his pace when he noticed she’d gotten out of her car.
“Y/n…” Brad spoke over the two bickering adults, “You probably have some explaining to do to these two. Do you mind taking over here?”
“I… yeah. Of course. I’m so sorry, Brad.” She looked between the three men as Brad waved and walked back into the house.
Jimmy’s face was bright red, “Y/n, tell him we’ve been dating. He seems to think you are his girlfriend.”
Looking at Harry she opened her mouth to respond but stopped at the insinuation that Harry implied she was his girlfriend.
Girlfriend?
Stepping into her yard Harry stood in front of her and then Jimmy next to him both men looking at her in question.
“Uh… I’m… I don’t know what to say. I’ve been dating Jimmy,” she gestured at the man and looked at Harry, “but we’re not exclusive, and then… Well, I saw Harry last night,” she stuttered her words. Her heart was pounding. She was not looking like a good person in this situation. But it was too late now.
“I don’t care that you were dating someone. What happened between us last night… that meant something to you. Didn’t it?” Harry spoke as he gently brushed his fingers against hers, a little spark of life, a signal that he was there and she was safe with him.
She was a bit stunned by all this. Hadn’t expected Harry to say that. Hadn’t expected to see both men in her yard, apparently arguing over her.
“But we’ve been dating for almost 2 months. I think she and I have something special. And I know we haven’t specifically said we were exclusive but–“
“Well, I’ve known her for nearly… what 5, 6 months now?” Harry looked at her as he spoke.
Y/n stood still looking from Harry to Jimmy who continued, “So what is it? Are you with me or are you with him? I didn’t know you were dating someone else.” He was flustered. In comparison to Harry, he was not calm nor gentle.
“I… I’m sorry,” She shook her head and felt her face grow hot and her head dizzy. She was embarrassed.
There wasn’t anything else to say. Except that she was sorry. She really had liked Jimmy. But with the way she folded so fast with Harry, she knew she didn’t like Jimmy as much as she assumed. Because all Harry had to do was say a few nice things to her to get her back to his place and in his bed. She was a weak bitch. What could she say except sorry?
“Look. I’m sorry. Both of you. I have some explaining to do and I was going to… but why are you both here?”
“I came here to talk about this morning with you, Y/n. You left without goodbye and didn’t respond to my texts,” Harry spoke first.
“And you didn’t text me back last night when I thought we were making plans. I was worried about you.”
Blinking her eyes she realized without a doubt, that she was the heavy here. The rotten one. This was all her fuckup. Both men came to find her because she’d blown them both off. Ran away from her problems.
But she fully intended on being truthful. She just needed a minute.
“Fuck.” She cursed and ran a hand through her hair. “I was going to talk to you both. I just… I don’t know. I felt bad that I flaked out on you, Jimmy. I was never going to meet up with you last night after work and I should have told you that off the bat. And I was going to tell you but then I saw Harry and… I just felt guilty so I figured I’d apologize later.”
“That’s… kind of fucked up, Y/n,” Jimmy said as he put his hands on his hips.
She nodded and looked at him. He was upset, “I know. I’m sorry.”
“And so you didn’t want to come see me last night because of him?” He gestured toward the man standing to his left.
Shaking her head she looked from Jimmy to Harry, “No. Before I even realized Harry was at the restaurant for dinner I planned on just going back home after my shift. I just never got around to telling you that. I didn’t want to see you last night.”
“But you went back to Harry’s house?” Jimmy asked.
She sighed, nodding, “Yes. I didn’t plan on it. It just happened.”
The silence was all-consuming. Y/n didn’t want to look at Jimmy’s disappointed face any longer so she glanced at Harry whose energy was opposite of Jimmy's. He was all soft eyes with a gentle expression. Comforting. She smiled at him. He felt safe.
“Okay. Fair enough,” Jimmy spoke suddenly, “So that’s it? Should I expect to hear from you again or…” he shrugged and looked at her hoping to hear something that gave him anything to hang on to.
Should he expect to hear from her? She liked him. She really did. But she could see it now that she didn’t like him enough. Even if perhaps she and Harry didn’t wind up together, the way she fell into Harry’s bed so easily and the way she lit up at Harry’s smile in that moment. The way he made her feel… it was over with Jimmy. She’d never feel that way with him.
“I think that’s it. Yeah. I’m sorry, Jimmy. I’m not sure what I was thinking but… I think this has run its course. I’m sorry,” she shook her head at the whole situation. She felt awful. Jimmy had been nothing but kind. But she just wasn’t feeling it she guessed. Not when she was feeling so much more with Harry.
She watched Jimmy walk away to his car and felt Harry’s hands pull at hers, “It meant something. Didn’t it?”
Looking up at the tall man in confusion she responded, “What?”
“Last night. I know you left without saying anything but now I get it. You were feeling guilty about that bloke. Right?”
Swallowing thickly she nodded, “Yeah… I just… I don’t know why I went back with you but it felt natural and this morning I was overwhelmed with guilt and didn’t really know what you wanted. You know?” She raised her brows and continued, “You’re… you. You’re Harry Styles. I’m just… me. Felt like I was playing some silly game with myself that was just gonna get me hurt.”
Harry’s hands cupped her face softly, “No games. I like you a lot. Couldn’t stay away from you. Last night felt like the beginning of something really special and I hoped you felt it too.”
She stayed silent as she looked into his eyes. His warm hands on her skin felt soft and tender. His thumbs grazed her cheekbones and she felt it. She did. She knew exactly what he meant. To hear him say it, though…
“I need to know what that means for you. Because, yeah. I felt it. I just don’t want to get hurt, Harry. You’re gonna go back on tour and you’ll see your ex and some other woman and I’m gonna get left behind again–“
“My ex? I didn’t see my ex. Nor do I have plans for that,” he laughed softly as he spoke.
“Well, I mean… I did see her post about crossing paths with someone and that cross necklace,” she shook her head and felt silly for even bringing it up as she looked at the expression on Harry’s face.
“She called me and I answered. She thought that meant something but really it was just me being nice. I don’t miss her at all. Have no intention of seeing her again on any level.”
She nodded at his words, “And the pretty woman that was with you on tour. Lots of rumors there too. Which is fine! You’re totally allowed to see other–“
Harry pulled her in close, stopping her mid-sentence, “She’s a friend. Someone I trust who I can vent to and confide in. She gave me lots of advice about you, angel. Told me to go after you. Told me she hadn’t seen me so excited about anyone ever before. I couldn’t stop talking about you.”
“So, you never slept with her?”
Harry shook his head and fit his fingers between hers, blinking softly, “Never. I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”
Now she felt really bad. He’d been missing her and thinking of her all the while she was off with Jimmy trying to erase Harry from her mind, “I had no idea. I’m sorry that I didn’t… I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. I admit, I didn’t try hard enough to stay in touch. That’s on me. But I don’t want that to ever happen again.”
“But now you must really think I’m trash. After all that?”
Harry shook his head, squeezing her hand, “Not at all, angel. I want to be with you. Don’t want you with anyone else, though,” he laughed, “And I’m not gonna think about whatever you had going on with that guy because you were just trying to get to know someone else. You thought it was over with us. But I don’t want it to be over. I want it to be me and you.”
She stood stunned. She just hadn’t expected any of this but it was more than she could have hoped for. She genuinely thought she’d misread all the signs. Yes, last night it felt like intimacy and deep connection but figured that was all coming from her end. She had tricked herself into believing he didn’t feel the same.
“Well? What do you think? Would you want to be my girlfriend? Make it official?”
She swallowed the grit down her throat and blinked her eyes at Harry. It all felt like a dream. Surely it was a dream.
“I do want that. So much, but…” she shook her head just as Harry grinned wide.
“So you’re my girlfriend now?”
Y/n puffed out a laugh and nodded, “I guess so. Yeah.” She couldn’t tamper her smile.
Harry released one of her hands and gently held the back of her neck as he leaned down to kiss her. And just like every other time her lips connected with his, she felt flushed and buzzy. Her skin prickled with excitement. Her sinuses burned as she held back stupid tears.
But she needed to say something else. And if this fiasco had taught her anything it was that she needed to be better at communicating.
Parting from the kiss, Harry kept her in his arms as she tilted her head to look up at him, “But what happens when you leave again, Harry? To another city? Another country? What does that mean for us?”
He brought his lips to her forehead before looking down at her again, his crystalline green eyes taking her in. He inhaled a deep breath, a serious expression on his face suddenly that had Y/n worried about the next words he was going to speak, “Come with me.”
He squeezed her closer if that were possible and she opened and closed her mouth a few times, shocked at his words and at what was happening. It was crazy, wasn’t it? To just leave everything behind and travel with Harry wherever he went? Surely this was just a beautiful dream she’d be waking from at any minute.
Harry shook his head and the edge of his pink lips quirked up on one side, “I won’t take no for an answer.”
A/N: This is the last part of this series! What did you guys think? Would you like to see some more of these two? Thank you so much for reading!
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Pride and Joy (Mr. Puzzles/Bi! Female! Reader)
───── ⋆ ⋅ ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ⋅ ⋆ ─────
After a conversation about sexual orientation, you ask Mr. Puzzles a bit of a heavy question about himself and realizations ensue.
Happy Pride Month!! I usually try to keep my content as reader neutral as possible (I don't like to assume things that the reader might not be!) but this is more self-indulgent than usual and I hope you forgive me for that! To celebrate this month, why don't I hit my f/o with the bisexual beam? Hope you enjoy!
"… Puzzles, no offense, like— at all, but do you think maybe you're… gay?"
The TV host sputters in surprise, "I— excuse you?"
"Again, no offense. But to me it kinda sounds like you… haven't really thought about it."
The TV grows silent, no doubt a frown taking the place of his smile. For once—instead of snapping back and waving away such a silly statement—he actually gives it a thought. A sparingly rare one.
He looks away with a nervous hum, shoulders slumping as you walk along the sidewalk. You both keep a slow pace, trying to refrain from tripping as you walk and keep a conversation that is surprisingly much more serious than you anticipated to have.
The leaves of the trees rustle and provide you shadow for your evening walk with your boyfriend, a walk you offered to have as a casual little date. You thought you could stop by stores to shop, or a cafe to sit down, but at the moment— your conversation turned into this. Identity questions, personal preferences, things to better know each other.
But maybe this one was a bit too far...
He was very open about his upbringing, sure, but it sounded like even he didn't know what he liked in people. You suppose that a life like that didn't have much room to explore things about ones self. Let alone explore partner preferences. Hell— you would say you're very lucky to even have had a chance to date him.
Regardless...
You let him gather his thoughts, silently waiting for his response. No use in rushing these type of things, after all. They take time. Otherwise it would be messy for both of you.
Puzzles turns back to the ground below, and like you guessed— with a nervous expression on his screen.
"It's… complicated. I've seen shows about it, but ah… they've never really spoken to me as such. Perhaps some actions… and some… other things— tsk— but! Hah! I mean! Only recently I've been shown the media I consume is not always true to the actual thing so what do I know!?" He sarcastically and painfully exclaims, a view that got shattered to him when you became friends, yet one he's starting to grow out of. He's aware it's for his greater good, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt him still. To be lied to. To know your years of comfort were a lie.
He huffs angrily as he turns away again, shaking his head before glancing back at you.
"Am I..?"
"Are you? Only you can know that for sure, you might know the answer to that already..! You just… haven't realized it yet."
"…"
He grows silent again, nervously fidgeting with the cloth of his gloves.
"Then… maybe?" He shrugs. "I feel… something, yes. But— but I like you too..! As well… If I am— what would that mean for you? For us?" The host frowns, growing even more nervous at the thought of something happening to his first ever real relationship.
"I don't want to let you go just for this!" He waves his hands in front of him, exasperatedly motioning to your situation. You catch one of his arms, hooking it together with your own as you try to gently ground him.
"Hey—! Hey..! No, nothing has to happen to us! You can like both, you know?"
He takes a pause, looking at you as if you just told him the most confusing riddle ever known to man.
"Huh?"
"Yeah! I like both! I like boys and girls. I uh— have a preference for men but I still like pretty girls." You rub the back of your neck, smiling sheepishly at him.
"… Oh."
"Oh…"
The faintest of heartbeats beeps across his screen, tainting it with a light rose color as the line bounces where his cheeks would be.
"Huh… That…" he looks down at the ground with furrowed eyebrows, then looks back up at the horizon, "fits."
"Yeah?"
"Yes… Only— that's not the term, is it?"
"Ah, no. We're bisexual. You and I."
"You and I… Yes… Yes! I like that!" Puzzles beams happily, smiling wide at you as he squeezes your hooked arms.
"I like that very much."
#mr puzzles#mr puzzles x reader#mr puzzles/reader#smg4 mr puzzles#mr puzzles smg4#mr puzzles fanart#smg4#sci scribbles#sci sketches#sci ships
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Backstage To My Heart
𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟔 | 𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐇𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐬 𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐎𝐮𝐭
Headline: “Harry Styles Seen Singing with Mystery Girl in Secluded Celebrity Spot – New Romance or Superfan?”
Late last night, Harry was spotted in a quiet, secluded area frequented by stars, outside a music studio. In a candid moment, he was seen serenading a mystery girl, with one photo capturing him wrapping his arm around her. Sources suggest she might be a devoted fan, but the cozy vibe between them is raising eyebrows. Is it just a fan encounter, or is there more behind this late-night rendezvous?
Ashley’s phone continued buzzing relentlessly, the screen lighting up with every notification, pulling her further into a waking state. She could barely keep up with the flood of messages and mentions. Her feed was full of posts from Harry’s fan accounts, their reactions an emotional whirlwind that mirrored her own confusion. The more she scrolled, the more her heart raced.
Some comments were filled with curiosity:
“Wait, who’s the girl? Is she in the industry?”
“Does anyone know her? Have we seen her before?!”
“She looks cute… maybe she’s just a friend?
“Who is she?? Why is she with Harry?!”
“Wait… was she wearing his jacket?!?!”
“Are we shipping them or nah?”
“I’ve never seen her before, maybe she’s just a fan?”
Others were filled with excitement and warmth:
“They look so cozy together! Is this a new couple alert?”
“Harry deserves someone nice. Hope she’s good to him.”
“I’m shipping them already! They’re adorable.”
“Look at how Harry is with her! He looks happy!”
“I follow her account, she’s a fan-fluencer! She’s really sweet, fr”
“They actually look cute together, don’t hate guys!”
“She’s living the dream we all wanted! Lucky girl.”
“OMG, they look so cute together!”
“I knew Harry was seeing someone! I’m so happy for him.”
“Look at how he’s holding her. If she’s the one, we better treat her right!”
But then there were the harsher, colder remarks that made her stomach churn:
“This better just be a fan. Harry wouldn’t date someone like her, right?”
“She’s not even that pretty. Harry can do better.”
“Why is he always with random girls? Another PR stunt?”
“If this is real, I’m DONE supporting him.”
“No way Harry is dating her. No. Way.”
“Can’t believe Harry’s dating some random girl, she’s probably just a fan.”
“She better treat him right, or we’ll come for her!”
“This better not be serious… Harry belongs to us!”
“Harry doesn’t usually get cozy with fans though… this could be something more!”
“This girl looks like just another clout-chaser, watch her use him for fame.”
“I’m sorry, but she doesn’t seem like Harry’s type at all. Can’t believe this is real.”
“There’s no way Harry’s into her, she’s probably just trying to get his attention.”
Ashley’s heart sank further with every swipe. It was all too much. How did it come to this? How did a simple night out with Harry, something that was meant to be private and comforting, become public fodder?
Just then, her phone pinged again, this time a direct message from Rave, brimming with excitement:
Rave:
ASHLEY!!! Are you seeing this?! You and HARRY?! Are you kidding me right now?? How did you NOT tell me?? Call me, call me, CALL ME!!
Before Ashley could even process a response, more messages flooded in:
Lila:
Babe, what is happening? Is that you with HARRY?! Are you guys together?? I’m dying right now!
Sasha:
Holy crap, I KNEW it. I knew there was something going on between you two! Spill the details!
It felt like everyone around her was spinning the narrative faster than she could catch her breath. Friends? Dating? Just a fan? Her head buzzed with the mounting pressure, her anxiety rising with each new comment.
And then, her heart skipped as she saw a text from Harry. She stared at his name on the screen for a long moment before opening the message:
Harry:
Hey, I’m guessing you’re still asleep but… call me when you wake up, okay? Don’t panic. I know things are blowing up online. I’m really sorry this is happening. I’ll try to handle it, but I want to talk to you first. It’s going to be fine, just breathe. Call me.
Her chest tightened, guilt creeping in. He’s apologizing to me? she thought, her mind swirling. She felt as though all of this was somehow her fault—that Harry, who had worked so hard to maintain some semblance of privacy in his life, was now being dragged into chaos because of her. She sighed, her fingers trembling as she re-read his message. She didn’t even know what to say to him.
Before she could respond, her phone buzzed again—her mother’s name flashing on the screen. Ashley froze. She knew this was coming; she knew her mother would have seen the headlines, the speculation. She couldn’t avoid the conversation any longer.
Taking a deep breath, she swiped to answer. “Hey, Mom…” she said, her voice soft, uncertain.
“Ashley,” her mother’s tone was careful, but it was clear she was trying to suppress disbelief. “I just saw something online. That picture of you and Harry… is it true? What’s going on? Are you two… involved?”
Ashley felt her pulse quicken. She wasn’t sure how to explain any of this, not when she was still trying to process it herself. “Mom, it’s… it’s not what it looks like,” she began, struggling to keep her voice steady. “I mean, I was going to tell you eventually, but nothing’s serious between me and Harry. We’re just friends.”
“Just friends?” her mother’s voice was skeptical now. “Ashley, I’m not one to believe everything I read online, but that picture… the way he was holding you… it doesn’t look like just friends.”
Ashley bit her lip, the weight of her mother’s words sinking in. She hadn’t exactly been honest with her mother about the closeness she’d developed with Harry. “It’s complicated, Mom. I didn’t want to bother you with it, and I… I don’t even know how to explain everything myself.”
Her mother sighed on the other end, the frustration palpable. “Ashley, you know I’m not here to judge you. But I can tell you’ve been hiding something. Why didn’t you just tell me?”
“Because…” Ashley’s voice faltered as she searched for the right words. “Because it’s not serious. I didn’t think it was worth mentioning. Harry’s been helping me out, giving me the opportunity to work with him on music. He’s been nothing but kind. And last morning… after the news you told me about Dad and everything going on with the family… I was feeling awful.”
Her mother’s voice softened, a trace of empathy slipping in. “I know, sweetheart. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been for you.”
“Harry was just trying to cheer me up,” Ashley continued, her voice quiet, tinged with nostalgia as memories of the night came flooding back. “He left his work in the middle even when I told him not to, but he wouldn’t listen. He made me laugh, danced around like an idiot, sang with me on the street, spinning me around in circles… It wasn’t some grand romantic gesture. He just wanted to make me feel better.”
Her mother paused on the other end, considering Ashley’s words. “So he left his work, in the middle of everything, just to make sure you were okay?” she asked, her voice steady. “Don’t you think that means something, Ashley? Do you really think he’s doing all that because you’re just friends?”
Ashley’s heart skipped at the question, her mind flashing back to the way Harry had looked at her last night, the tenderness in his eyes, the way he had been so protective. Her mother’s question hung in the air, lingering longer than she expected.
“Ashley,” her mother’s voice softened, “isn’t he the boy you used to listen to all the time? You had his posters all over your room, his merch… You practically grew up listening to him. You love him, don’t you?”
Ashley froze, her eyes widening in shock. How could her mother know? She had never told anyone about the feelings she’d harbored for Harry for so long, the quiet, private dreams she’d held onto. “Mom, I—what are you talking about?”
Her mother let out a small chuckle, though it was warm, not mocking. “I’m your mother, sweetheart. I know you better than you think. When you moved to London, you left some things behind. I found a letter you had written, one you never sent. It was about Harry. You’ve felt this way for a long time, haven’t you?”
Ashley felt a lump form in her throat. “You found that?” she whispered, her voice barely audible. She hadn’t realized she’d left it behind. That letter had been something she wrote during one of her weakest moments, years ago, when she thought her feelings for Harry would never be anything more than a silly crush.
“I did,” her mother said gently. “And I kept it because I knew, one day, we’d have this conversation. I know Harry’s older than you, and maybe you’re unsure of where this is all heading, but I want you to know that if he makes you happy, then I’m happy for you. You deserve to be with someone who cares about you the way he does. If he’s willing to do all of this for you, to be there for you, don’t you think there’s a chance he feels the same way you do?”
Ashley’s mind was spinning. The thought of Harry feeling something more for her had crossed her mind a hundred times, but she had always pushed it aside, convincing herself that someone like him could never see her that way. “I don’t know, Mom… I’m not sure if he could ever feel the way I feel about him. What if it’s all in my head?”
Her mother’s voice was soft, reassuring. “Ashley, if it’s meant to happen, it will. You don’t have to force it, and you don’t have to figure it all out right now. But don’t be afraid to see where this goes. If he’s willing to go through all of this for you, then that says something, doesn’t it?”
Ashley nodded to herself, even though her mother couldn’t see it. “Maybe… but what if I’m wrong? What if I’m just reading into things?”
“You’re not wrong,” her mother said firmly. “I can see how much he cares for you. And if you’re unsure, talk to him. Be honest about how you feel. Don’t let fear keep you from something that could make you happy. I know it’s scary, but sometimes, the best things come from taking risks.”
Ashley closed her eyes, letting her mother’s words sink in. She hadn’t expected this conversation to take such an emotional turn, but it was exactly what she needed to hear.
“Thanks, Mom,” Ashley said softly. “I’ll think about it. I just… I don’t want to mess things up.”
“You won’t,” her mother replied. “Just be yourself. If he feels the same way, he’ll fight for you, Ashley. And you deserve someone who will go through everything for you, just like you’ve always deserved more than what your father and I could give each other.”
Ashley closed her eyes, letting her mother’s words sink in. The idea that Harry could possibly feel the same way… it both terrified and thrilled her. “I don’t know if he feels the same way,” she admitted softly. “I’ve never said anything… I don’t want to ruin what we have.”
Her mother’s voice was gentle, understanding. “Sweetheart, if it’s meant to happen, it will. You don’t have to force anything. But if he’s willing to be there for you in the ways he already has, then maybe… just maybe, he feels more than you realize.”
Ashley sat in silence for a moment, her mind swirling with everything her mother had said. She knew she couldn’t avoid her feelings any longer. It was time to be honest—with herself, and with Harry.
“I’ll talk to him,” she said finally, her voice steady. “I don’t know what will happen, but I’ll talk to him.”
“That’s all you need to do,” her mother replied gently. “And whatever happens, remember I’m here for you. I just want to see you happy, Ashley.”
“I love you, Mom,” Ashley whispered, feeling a sense of calm wash over her.
“I love you too, sweetheart,” her mother said softly before the call ended.
“Soon”
After hanging up, Ashley stared at her phone, her heart pounding in her chest. She took a deep breath and forced herself to look at the messages again, this time with a new perspective. Maybe it was time to lean into what was happening instead of running from it. She decided to message Harry back:
Ashley:
Hey, I just saw your message. I’ll call you soon. Sorry for all of this. I’m still processing everything. Talk to you shortly!
Ashley tossed her phone onto the bed and swung her legs over the side, taking a moment to gather her thoughts. The chaos of the night before still hung in the air, but a flicker of determination began to spark within her. She realized that she couldn’t keep avoiding the reality of her feelings for Harry, especially now that they were under such public scrutiny.
She stood up and moved to the mirror, taking a moment to study her reflection. Her hair was slightly disheveled, and her eyes had that familiar mix of uncertainty and hope. With a soft sigh, she brushed her hair back and splashed some cold water on her face to clear her mind. You can do this, she thought, trying to boost her confidence.
After a few moments of self-encouragement, she paced the room, her mind racing. She needed to figure out how to approach the conversation with Harry. What would she even say? Should I confess my feelings? Or should I just focus on what’s happening in the moment?
As she continued to pace, her phone buzzed again. It was a message from Harry.
Harry:
Hey! I’m in the studio right now, but I can step out for a bit. Do you want to meet up? Just you and me?
Her heart raced at the thought of seeing him again, especially after the whirlwind of emotions she had just experienced. She took a moment to consider, knowing this could be the turning point they both needed.
Ashley:
Yes, I’d love to. Where?
Harry:
How about that little restaurant down the street? I’ll be there in 30 minutes.
Ashley quickly changed out of her pajamas into a casual yet cute outfit, settling on a soft sweater and her favorite jeans. As she looked in the mirror one last time, she felt a mix of excitement and anxiety. This is it, she thought, feeling the weight of the moment settle on her shoulders.
She made her way out of her apartment, the brisk air hitting her face as she stepped onto the street. The walk to the restaurant was filled with a jumble of thoughts. She replayed their past moments together in her mind—their laughter, the shared music, the way he always seemed to know how to cheer her up when she was feeling low. She couldn’t help but wonder if he felt the same depth of emotion she had for him.
Later, Harry waited just outside the small, tucked-away restaurant. The autumn sun hung low in the sky, casting the last of its golden light across the street as Ashley arrived. She looked stunning, her hair tousled slightly by the breeze, her eyes bright, though there was a hint of tiredness behind them. Harry’s heart skipped a beat, and he felt the familiar flutter in his chest he always got when he saw her.
“Hey,” she greeted with a soft smile as she approached.
“Hey,” he replied, trying to sound casual despite the way his pulse quickened just being near her.
“I’m glad you came.”
“Me too,” she replied, taking a seat across from him. “I saw the news… and I wanted to talk.”
Harry ran a hand through his hair, a gesture that was becoming all too familiar. “Yeah, it’s been a bit overwhelming, hasn’t it?” He looked genuinely concerned, his eyes searching hers for any hint of distress.
“I didn’t expect everything to blow up like this,” she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. “I mean, I thought we were just having a fun night together. I didn’t think it would become public so quickly.”
Harry nodded, his expression softening. “I know. I’m really sorry about that. I didn’t mean for you to get dragged into this. It’s just… it’s hard to keep things private when there’s so much interest in my life.”
Ashley took a deep breath, feeling a mix of empathy and frustration. “I understand. I just… I don’t want this to ruin what we have. I don’t want you to feel like you need to protect me from all of this. It’s just… I’ve never had to deal with something like this before.”
He reached across the table, his fingers brushing against hers. “I don’t want you to feel overwhelmed. I want you to be comfortable with whatever is happening between us. If you need space, I’ll give it to you. But I also don’t want to pretend like nothing is happening.”
They stepped inside, the dim lighting immediately wrapping them in a cocoon of warmth. The restaurant had a quiet elegance about it, with dark wooden tables and soft music playing in the background. It felt intimate, almost too perfect for whatever was about to unfold between them. The kind of place where emotions couldn’t be hidden in the shadows.
They found a small table by the window, the sunlight fading as the evening set in. Harry could sense the shift in the air—the same energy that had been building between them for months now hung even heavier.
Ashley took a sip of her wine, her gaze resting on the glass for a moment before she looked up at him. “This place is really nice. How did you find it?”
Harry shrugged, trying to downplay the butterflies in his stomach. “Just one of those places you stumble across. Thought you’d like it.”
“I do.” She smiled again, but there was something more in her expression tonight. A quiet curiosity, maybe, or perhaps she was waiting for him to say something. To finally address the elephant that had been in the room between them for so long.
They talked easily for a while—about nothing in particular, work, music, life. But underneath it all, there was something pressing between them, growing with each passing moment.
At one point, Harry caught himself staring at her a little too long, his eyes tracing the lines of her face, the way her lips curved when she spoke. He quickly looked away, taking a long sip of wine to distract himself from the growing tension inside him. But it was no use. His feelings for her were too strong, too overwhelming.
Ashley must have noticed the shift in his demeanor, because she placed her glass down and leaned in slightly. “You okay? You’ve been quiet. Is something on your mind?” Her voice was soft, but there was something in her tone that made Harry’s pulse quicken.
He didn’t know how to answer her. Everything he wanted to say felt too heavy, too dangerous to voice. He was caught between the ease of their friendship and the growing intensity of his feelings for her, feelings he had tried to push down for so long.
“I’m just… thinking,” he said, his voice rougher than he intended. He took another sip of wine, hoping it would steady him.
Ashley smiled, but there was a flicker of uncertainty in her eyes, something that tugged at Harry’s heart. “About what?”
For a moment, Harry couldn’t breathe. He looked at her—really looked at her. The soft curve of her lips, the way her dark hair framed her face, the light in her eyes. Everything about her drew him in, made it harder to keep pretending that his feelings weren’t there, that they hadn’t been there for a long time.
And then, something inside him snapped.
Before he could think it through, before he could stop himself, Harry leaned across the table and kissed her.
It wasn’t a tentative kiss, not like before. It was passionate, fueled by the months—of unspoken feelings, the weight of everything they hadn’t said. His hand cupped her face, fingers tangling in her hair as he pulled her closer. Her lips were soft, warm, and for a moment, the entire world seemed to fall away. The taste of wine lingered between them, but it was the taste of her that consumed him.
He kissed her with everything he had—every ounce of feeling he’d buried, every moment he’d hesitated, every stolen glance, every heartbeat he’d ignored. His body pressed closer to hers, their lips moving in sync, the heat between them growing with every second.
And then, just as suddenly as it had begun, Harry pulled away.
Breathless, he stared at her, his heart pounding in his chest. Ashley’s eyes were wide, her cheeks flushed, and for a moment, neither of them spoke.
But then Harry saw it—a look on Ashley’s face that made his heart stop. It wasn’t shock or confusion. It wasn’t hesitation or doubt. It was something else, something deeper—an expression he couldn’t fully explain, but it was there, clear as day. She was happy. Not just happy—she was overwhelmed, like something inside her had been unlocked, something she hadn’t expected but had wanted for so long. Her eyes sparkled with joy, her lips still slightly parted from the kiss. And it was beautiful, unbelievably beautiful.
Seeing her like that, seeing her happiness so raw and unfiltered, made Harry’s chest tighten. He’d never seen her like this before. She looked as though the weight of every doubt, every insecurity, had been lifted from her shoulders in that one kiss.
But then, just as quickly, his own mind caught up to him.
What had he done? He loved kissing her. He liked her more than he could ever express. But now, the doubts flooded in like a tidal wave. What did this mean for them? Could they ever go back to what they were? And what if he wasn’t enough for her? What if being with him ruined everything for her? What if this one kiss set off a chain reaction that he couldn’t control?
His mind spiraled, the questions hitting him all at once. He had acted on impulse, and now he didn’t know where it would lead. He was terrified. What if he had just ruined everything?
Ashley was still looking at him, her eyes soft, her expression still full of the beauty of the moment, but Harry couldn’t meet her gaze for long. The turmoil inside him was too much. He had wanted this, so badly, but now that it had happened, the fear of what came next clawed at him, louder than ever.
He dropped his hand from her face, his fingers trembling slightly. His breath was shaky, his heart pounding in a way that was both exhilarating and terrifying.
Ashley didn’t speak. She didn’t need to. Her expression said everything—she was happy. But Harry… Harry couldn’t shake the feeling that he had crossed a line, a line he wasn’t sure he was ready for.
The silence between them was deafening, filled with everything that had just happened, with everything they weren’t saying. And as Harry sat there, staring at her, he realized that nothing between them could ever be the same again.
This version heightens the emotional intensity of the kiss while focusing on the overwhelming beauty of Ashley’s reaction and the turmoil brewing inside Harry. It ends with Harry’s internal conflict, leaving the emotional aftermath hanging between them, unresolved.
A/N: here is the beginning of all the drama🤭 see you guys tomorrow. Special thx to @daisyblog for always helping me! 🫶🏻
STORY MASTERLIST
Taglist: @prettygurl-2009 @sassamanda77 (TAGLIST OPEN)
Posted on: October 10th, 2024
#harry styles#harry edward styles#one direction#harry styles x reader#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles x oc#harry styles x y/n#harry styles fluff#harry styles x fem!reader#harry styles imagine#hs#harry styles oneshot#harry styles fic#harry styles story#harry styles fanfic#harry#harry styles fan fiction#harry styles imagines#harry styles x original character#harryssyndrome
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Under the Hood
Pairing: Eddie Munson X reader
AU: Mechanic! Eddie
Warning: fluff, mentions of everyone being jerks to Eddie
Authors note: I hope yall enjoy this fic,i miss Eddie so here he is :)
Word Count: 1.3k
Masterlist
MDNI18+MDNI18+MDNI18+MDNI18+MDNI18+
It was late afternoon, and you were stranded on the outskirts of Hawkins, parked along a dusty road with your car that had, quite inconveniently, decided to give out on you. After a few useless attempts to get it started, you finally accepted you needed help. A friend mentioned “Munson’s Garage”—a small shop you’d vaguely heard about. The name, though, rings a bell. Could it be… Eddie Munson’s garage?
You remember Eddie from high school. Loud, unapologetically different, and definitely the furthest thing from the Hawkins social elite. Back then, you’d watched him from afar. While most people dismissed him as the school’s “freak,” you knew there was more to him. You’d even gone to see him play with his band, Corroded Coffin, a couple of times at the Hideout. You remembered the intensity on his face when he played, his talent radiating off him in waves. He’d never noticed you back then—just a quiet girl in the crowd who stayed out of his way, not one of the jerks who taunted him.
But now, years later, maybe fate has other plans.
After getting the garage’s address, you pull up and park. The building looks a little worse for wear, but it has a certain charm, with an old “Munson’s Garage” sign barely hanging onto the front. Taking a deep breath, you push open the door, stepping inside.
Eddie’s there, of course, leaning over an old car, one hand gripping a wrench, the other holding up the hood. He looks different, in a way, older and more grounded, but still undeniably Eddie. His hair’s pulled back under a bandana, and his faded T-shirt is smeared with grease.
He glances up as you approach, his expression turning from suspicion to surprise, and then to a slow grin. “Well, well. Hawkins royalty, gracing my little shop,” he says, a teasing edge to his voice.
You roll your eyes. “Royalty? Hardly. My car broke down, and I didn’t know where else to go.”
“Lucky for you, I’m a miracle worker with engines.” Eddie leans against your car, his grin widening. “Guess I should properly introduce myself… Eddie Munson, resident mechanic and car wizard.”
“I know who you are,” you say, smiling. “I remember you from high school.”
His eyebrows shoot up. “Yeah? That’s not what I usually hear. Most people pretend they don’t.” He chuckles, but there’s something a little vulnerable in his expression.
“No, really,” you continue, feeling a bit braver. “I remember your band, too. Corroded Coffin, right? I actually came to a couple of your shows.”
Eddie freezes, blinking in surprise. “Wait—you actually came to see us?”
You nod. “Yeah, you were amazing. I always thought you had serious talent.”
For a moment, Eddie just stares at you, something softening in his gaze. “Huh. Guess you’re one of the good ones, then.” He chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck as a faint blush creeps up his cheeks. “Most of the people from high school didn’t have much good to say about me, you know? Especially the basketball crowd.”
“Well, I’m definitely not one of them,” you reply firmly.
Eddie’s expression changes, his usual cocky demeanor dropping as he looks at you with something more serious in his eyes. “I’m… I’m glad you’re not,” he says softly, his gaze lingering on you. There’s a tension building, and you can feel the air grow thicker. For a moment, it seems like he might lean in.
But then, he clears his throat and glances away. “Anyway, let’s get that car of yours looked at, huh?”
You nod, trying to ignore the flutter in your chest.
Over the next few days, Eddie works on your car, keeping you updated with every little detail. He even insists on teaching you a few things—“just in case” you find yourself stranded again. The garage quickly becomes a second home, with the smell of oil and the sound of rock music on the old radio.
One evening, he invites you over to check on the progress, and you find him deep under the hood. He’s humming along to a song, his fingers deftly working over the engine, and he doesn’t notice you until you clear your throat. When he looks up, he gives you a grin that sends a spark straight to your heart.
“You just gonna watch me, or you wanna get your hands dirty?”
You scoff. “I’m not about to ruin my nails.”
“Oh, come on,” he says, laughing. “I’ll teach you the basics. Maybe you’ll be a natural.”
Reluctantly, you agree, and he shows you how to check the oil and recognize a few key parts. The entire time, he stands close, guiding your hands, and you can feel every touch linger just a bit too long. His fingers graze over yours as he explains things, and his voice is softer, almost as if he’s talking to himself.
“So,” he murmurs, breaking the silence as he watches you, “did you really mean what you said about liking my band?”
You nod. “Yeah. You were great. You looked so… free up there.��
Eddie swallows, his gaze dropping to your lips. He leans in, his face close, and for a second, it feels like he might kiss you. But he pauses, pulling back with a slightly flustered smile.
“I, uh… guess we should finish up here,” he says, looking away. There’s a strange tension in the air, and you leave that night feeling both excited and frustrated, wondering what might have happened if you’d been braver.
The next evening, you return to the garage. Eddie’s face lights up when he sees you, and he offers you a playful smile. “Couldn’t stay away?”
“Maybe I wanted to make sure you were doing a decent job on my car,” you tease.
“Oh, please. I’m an artist with engines.” He winks, tossing a rag aside. “Actually, I was thinking maybe we could take her for a spin tonight. You know, just to make sure everything’s in order.”
You nod, and soon enough, you’re in the passenger seat while Eddie drives. The road is quiet, the sky dimming with the last light of the day, casting everything in a warm glow.
“So… if you really liked Corroded Coffin that much, why’d you never come say hi?” he asks, glancing over with a curious smile.
You shrug, feeling shy. “I guess I thought you wouldn’t remember me. I wasn’t exactly memorable back then.”
“Trust me, I would’ve remembered,” he says, his voice soft. “Not a lot of people actually saw me as more than… you know, the ‘freak.’”
You reach over, resting a hand on his arm. “You weren’t a freak, Eddie. You were brave. I always admired that.”
Eddie stares at you for a long moment, his gaze intense. He pulls the car over, turning to face you completely, and there’s something vulnerable in his eyes.
“You’re not like the others, are you?” he whispers. “I don’t think anyone’s ever looked at me the way you do.”
The tension between you feels almost electric. He reaches up, his hand brushing gently against your cheek, and you lean into his touch. He leans in, his lips hovering over yours for a heartbeat before finally pressing them to yours.
The kiss is soft, lingering, and when you pull back, both of you are a little breathless.
“So… you wanna grab a bite to eat or something?” he asks, looking at you with a hopeful grin.
“Yeah,” you say, laughing as you give him another quick kiss. “I think I’d like that.”
He drives you to a small diner, where you laugh and talk for hours, sharing stories and dreams. By the time he drops you off at home, it feels like something new and beautiful has started between you two.
As he leans in for one final kiss, he grins against your lips, whispering, “Guess I’m not so hopeless with love, either, huh?”
You laugh, shaking your head as he pulls you into one last, lingering kiss, and you know this is only the beginning.
Hope you enjoyed! Please consider liking and reposting! -Midnight💜
#x reader#eddie munson x you#eddie munson x reader#eddie x reader#eddie munson#eddie the freak munson#stranger things fluff#stranger things fic#stranger things x reader#stranger things fanfiction
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can i request a willne x fem!reader where theyre fwb but they both end up catching feelings so they stop being fwb but now theyre jealous when the other person is with anyone else?
if not, thats totally okay!⭐️
thanks so much!🩵
OF COURSEEEE i love this goofy guy and his stupid little mullet smsm ♥️♥️
A/N; I didn't really add many speaking parts cause i haven't ever written for Will before and i gotta speed run watch more of his videos later and i might come back and edit this. Pls us ur imagination on what you think he would say during parts. Also, it's more like Will silently hating the dudes y/n goes out with and y/n being like "he alone.. i could fix that." Then blah blah blah READ THE STORY.
NSFW AT THE END OF THE STORY, I MARKED WHERE IT STARTS SO ANYONE WHO DOESN'T WANT THAT PART CAN SKIP IT !!
WillNE x fem!Reader
Y/n used; no real description of how they look besides being a woman, use ur imagination.
Being friends with benefits with Will is like being friends with him.. Just with sex included.
The mutual agreement to not catch feelings was followed by the both of them.
Kind of.
If it wasn't for his pretty smile or sweet laugh, or y/ns usual sweet attitude towards him or her (e/c) eyes that stared so tenderly at Will whenever they were together.
Maybe if they both were more careful about how they thought about the other, they could've worked it out. Instead. They're just friends again now. Really. Really awkward and jealous friends.
Months of sleeping with eachother like lovers then acting like friends again the next day turned into months of jealousy and awkwardness, and avoidance. Will hated the guys y/n saw, y/n hated when she saw or heard about Will trying to go on dates again. Months of jealousy mixed with want.
But Will is too prideful to admit he's jealous when he hears you're going on a date with a guy, feeling his gut tighten in an uncomfortable knot. And y/n is too awkward to try to speak to Will about how she feels about him, her heart twisting when she notices Will's attempts to go on dates like how he used to before the benefits.
Mutual agreement to not catch feelings turned into mutual want. Or maybe just dislike. Yeah, Will must not like y/n anymore if he keeps avoiding her, right? She can just move on and actually be happy with one of the random guys she goes on a date with.
Nope.
Here they are. Y/n finally tracked down Will and managed to get him to stay for a few minutes.
"Will.. we have to talk."
Y/ns voice was so soft, it gave Will heart palpitations, made his hands sweaty and his face feel hot. He looks at her, he shouldn't like her, she doesn't like him right? It was just a sex thing, then they broke it off. She sees other guys, Will just.. sits and hates them all, knowing he could be better than they could be.
"Alright. Well what is it then?"
Wills voice couldn't help but have an annoyed tone. You have to cover the sound of being in love with something, right?
Y/n stares at him, not really knowing what to say, not having thought out what would be good to say. She thought. Staring. Before blurting out,,
"I want you, Will."
She immediately blushed, looking almost afraid of what Will would say. First they lost having amazing sex together, now what if she loses him as a friend too because she said something dumb like that? No, that wouldn't work.
He stares at her for a second, a cocky but sweet smile slowly forming on his face as he nods.
"You're lucky you're bloody gorgeous, Y/n, or I wouldve been able to move on by now."
He says as he stares at her, carefully putting his hands on her hips. A familiar feeling to y/n that makes her stomach do flips.
She smiles, excitedly almost, as she puts her hands against his chest, leaning into him.
"So.. friends with benefits again or?"
Y/n asks, almost testing if Will wanted more. Or just the sex again. Silently hoping he'd wanted more, but deciding she'd settle for the benefits again if he didn't love her back the same way she loved him.
He stared at her, shaking his head. His arms snaked around her waist, his face close to hers as they stare at eachother, each having their own slight blush.
"More. I hated seeing you with all those other guys.. they seemed like real morons."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He mumbled as he kissed her, holding her close, practically desperately like he didn't want to share her or let her go again. Y/n happily returned the kiss, her arms slinking around his shoulders as she leans against him.
"My place or your place Lovely? I'll take you to dinner after, like a true boyfriend."
He said softly as he pulled away, his eyes crinkling as he grins widely at her as she nods and smiles back kissing his cheek before pulling away and grabbing his hand.
"Yours, and I'm not one to say no to a free dinner."
He nodded and gently held her hand in his, leading her as they walked.
(magic teleport to Wills place, smut beyond this point so be warned if u dont want that.)
SMUT BEYOND HERE
^
^
They barely made it into the door before they were all over eachother. Wills hands groping and grabbing at her as he kisses her hungrily, her hands feeling up his chest as she holds his shoulders and pulls him close.
They slowly make their way to Wills room, discarding their clothes piece by piece on the way there, not caring about the mess.
Will put his hands on the backs of her thighs, picking her up and gently setting her on the bed before crawling on top of her.
He unclipped and removed her bra as he kissed along her neck and collarbone, letting out a little groan as he hears her soft shaky breaths and her hands sliding into his hair and holding it gently.
He kissed his way down to her chest, leaving dark hickeys before kissing down her stomach as his hands slid down to her hips. His fingers carefully hooked and pulled down her underwear, discarding it onto the floor with her bra.
He carefully cupped her pussy in his hand, teasingly dipping two of his fingers into her, eliciting a soft moan from her. He carefully slid his fingers in, gently moving them in and out, spreading and curling them.
She let out little soft moans as his fingers worked her already soaked pussy, her hands gently gripping and combing through his hair. He pressed a kiss to her lips, slowly turning into a messy makeout as he fingered her.
She pulled away from the kiss after a moment, staring at him with half lidded eyes and a look of pleasure on her face as he continued to gently move his fingers.
"I want you, Will."
"I want you too y/n, more than you know."
He then pulled his fingers out, wiping them off on his boxers, which had a very prominent tent in them. He then slid them down, his cock springing free from his boxers. He discarded them to the floor with the rest of the underwear, giving his cock a few strokes before gently grabbing her thighs.
He hooked her legs around his hips, leaning towards his nightstand and opening the drawer, pulling out a condom. He slipped it on before continuing, carefully lining himself up as he kissed her softly.
"god I want you, Lovely. You're mine now, alright?"
"mhm, of course."
He carefully slid himself in, his forehead against hers as they each let out a moan. Her legs tightened around his hips as her arms wrapped around his shoulders. He had one arm supporting him on his elbow beside his head, the other holding her hip as he began gently thrusting into her.
Sweet soft words of love and mutual appreciation were spoken, gentle moans and groans of pleasure, and of course messy kisses as Will thrusted into her gently.
Slowly, they eached worked their way to their climaxes, y/ns happening before Will's, he made sure of that.
He continued to thrust into her even after she finished, whispering soft "almost done lovely"s and "it's okay, you're doing good"s as he slowly reached his peak, stilling inside her as he panted softly and kissed her cheek, his arms wrapping around her waist.
After a few minutes of them cooling down from their releases, he carefully pulled out, discarding the used condom into the trash bin by his nightstand as he cuddled her close.
She smiled softly and cuddled up to him, not really caring they're still naked. She held him close, running her hands through his hair as he gently rubbed her back and waist.
"Wanna rain check that dinner, Lovely?"
"Mhm, yeah. Tomorrow sounds better."
A/N; sorry if its short or messy or too fast, i havent written fanfic in about 3 years 😭 gave it a happy ending cause leaving them to be eternally jealous at the other seemed too peculiar, so boom, they date.
A/N #2; added the smut, sorry if it sucked I haven't written smut in even longer, maybe 4-5 years, hope u freaks enjoy 🙏 (its actually very sweet i think, not freaky at all)
#willne#x reader#willne x reader#youtuber#fem reader#implied smut#please i tried my best#i need him#i wanna slobber on him
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VENT SESSION LETS GOOOO — you’re allowed to scroll if you don’t care mwah
i spend an ungodly amount of hours on this app, and i look at you as my friends so just want to let you guys know
i am also a very nosy person myself, so seems only fair i share my own situation. but if you don’t care about all this, you can just keep scrolling. i honestly don’t mind lol
anyways… a few weeks ago, i told you guys i was going through something that was kinda heavy — yeah my bf and i were going through some stuff and started seeing someone professionally… we broke up
there was an understanding that this might be outcome when we first opened up this can of worms, and there turned out to be a lot of underlying issues that both of us had refused to acknowledge
it was definitely a mutual decision. though it’s a hard pill to swallow, we came to the conclusion it was the best for the both of us
we want such vastly different things in life, things neither of us should compromise on. to me, life came at me a lot faster than i anticipated and felt like there were things left unexplored — and neither of us want to hold the other person back from what we want
however, this is a person i have been with for six years, a quarter of my life. there’s obviously a lot of shared history which is hard to let go of. it’s also so incredibly painful when we’re not splitting due to lack of affection and love for the other person, but because our desires and wants in life just don’t align
he is still my best friend, and because of how our life situation is, we will continue living together as we have been doing for the past three years (he only lives here half the time due to work), until i move across the country when summer comes. we’re also going to celebrate christmas together because it just feels right lol
i would say i am doing as well as i can… we are obviously on good terms, but this is probably one of the hardest things i’ll go through. it is the biggest heartbreak of my life. but that is really just a sign that the time we’ve shared together haven’t been a waste. we can be proud of the fact that we’ve been honest, faithful, respectful and kind throughout the entirety of our relationship, to the point where this is so hard even though it’s the right decision
obviously, i am very scared of the path that lies ahead. he has been by my side for the better half of a decade, and i have the privilege of exploring things on my own. it’s obviously what i have been missing in my life, so i am excited for what’s to come, but terrified of living a life he’s not going to be such a big part of anymore
but things are going to be fine. idk how long it will take, i am suspecting very long, but i know in my bones this is for the best for us both. so with time, i will be happy
and not to worry, i have a fantastic support system. i have incredible friends who are there for me. i am lucky to have a family who is not guilting me about leaving a long term relationship, despite also being sad. and i’ve learned i have a great community on here who has showed so much kindness, and i am so grateful <3
that being said — i am not planning on taking a break from tumblr lol. if anything, i am starting to get out of my writers block. this past week i have written more than i have the last month so that’s good! i think i might try and be a little more productive than i have been the past few weeks (at least i hope so, work is picking up again hehe)
not putting this out here for sympathy or anything, but just a little update. i am interested in the lives of those i follow, so maybe some of you are interested in mine
wishing everyone a nice weekend 🫶🏻 i got work in the morning (day after the breakup that’s fun)
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Hello. I know I've sent in messages before but very very rarely. But recent events have caused us to have a question. Just this week, we got officially diagnosed with D.I.D and recommended the idea of getting a psychologist for the first time in my life, besides a psychiatrist. Two of my alts say they can't be serious but the other three think they are bout the psychologist and we are nervous. I saw you talking about disorganized attachment in your latest posts and was wondering if you could tell me more bout what that is because it sounds like I may have experienced that and I'm trying to understand myself and us more from others with experience with D.I.D and similar disorders. We hope that makes sense! We are still very new to all of this. Thank you so much for your time. - Us
First, congrats!!! Try to come back and tell us what therapy and the interviews are like! I'm certain my followers would love to hear about it. It's scary, I'm so proud of you ❤️
Disorganized attachment is both very complicated, and quite easy to understand. I just reblogged a couple old posts about it, but this will be shorter :)
This is my favorite image to describe it!
Note that disorganized attachment (DA, from here on) is linked to low trust in self AND others. All of these types of attachment have shown strong links to different types of disorders, but DA is most associated with dissociative disorders.
The most important thing I've learned is
Even well-meaning, well-intentioned, loving parents can cause DA
DA can be hidden trauma, its relation to neglect is much stronger than originally thought, and neglect is a lot harder to spot and understand than straight up abuse.
A quick note here: DO NOT play trauma Olympics-- with yourselves, with others, on this post, nothing. Trauma is a personal reaction to events, abuse, or neglect and can occur in response to literally anything. When it comes to CDDs, we're looking at cumulative responses resulting in psychopathology, and you don't get to decide what was enough for other people.
It's their reactions.
Mind your own business.
So, all that said, DA is about the child being both fearful and reliant on caregivers. They want to both flee to and flee from caregivers. When a caregiver is unpredictable, the child has a difficult time establishing a consistent view of the caregiver, and of themselves. In other words, the caregiver is both needed, and someone to be avoided, and the child may not understand what makes them a “good” or “bad” child, as the caregiver’s behavior is often confusing and unpredictable.
I'm going to throw out a couple examples here:
Parent A has yelled at you, and you're scared to go to parent B and talk about it - neither parent feels safe but they're your only source of comfort
You're hungry, but parents scold you for eating too much - you're both scared to ask for your needs and yet reliant on their abilities to meet them
Sometimes parent is attentive and kind, and sometimes very dismissive - you never know what you're going to get, but when they're dismissive, it kills your drive for things you thought you enjoyed - sometimes parent puts your art on the fridge and sometimes they throw it in the trash, and maybe that particular piece was important and you'd expected better reception
Parent gets physical when they drink but at school, parent is a model citizen and teachers and other students always tell you how lucky you are
Parents are openly homophobic and you think you might be a little gay - they're good people otherwise (you think), and maybe if you just keep that part of you down...
Parent struggles with their own mental illness and you never know what kind of reaction they'll have, but you treasure the good memories and hold out hope you'll see that side of them again, despite the many letdowns
Parent doesn't let you keep anything to yourself, it's to the point you want to avoid them as much possible, only seeing them for meals
Parent is... mean. Just flat out mean, and they'll tell you no one will listen to you. There's no point is trying to find help with other caregivers-- teachers, babysitters, friends. It's just you and them, against the world.
The start of DA is typically formed in infancy when a parent doesn't respond properly to their child. Missed feedings, not enough skin time, mixing "cry it out" with giving in, ignoring cries for food or changing. These first attachments in infancy set the tone for all your attachments going forward. Meeting needs and milestones help the brain develop in a healthy way. If some of these milestones are missed or slowed, you tend to see psychopathology of some kind as a result. Various future relationships are likely to be affected, and more often than not, you respond to your own children the same way-- a type of intergenerational trauma.
And this is only the grey areas. We haven't touched full and proper abuse and how that can affect someone.
The result of DA is that a child will try to push memories and feelings about their caregivers down so that they're not bothered-- they can interact with their caregiver, whatever mood they're in or whatever happened yesterday.
If you just kill your feelings, parent's outbursts don't hurt as much. If you just don't think about what they did to you, you can put on a smile and get through dinner.
This is, in and of itself, dissociation. A rejection of feelings or memories. DA on its own isn't very likely to cause a CDD, but with additional trauma, it's... oof.
Children with DA and suffering from abuse “are likely to generate two or more dissociated self states, with contradictory working models of attachment,” in order to handle their confusing relationship with the caregiver. This can go in several directions, not necessarily a CDD, but it becomes much more likely.
So, the child needs to maintain a relationship with the caregiver– they have no one else to turn to, so the child can develop dissociation as a way to make sense of themselves, and to maintain a child-caregiver relationship. They may “forget” the abuse, or deny it. “It is an adaptive and defensive strategy that enables the child to function within the relationship, but it often leads to the development of a fragmented sense of self.” This fragmented sense of self may or may not develop into something worse– namely, BPD and DID based on severity, frequency, and whether there was any sense of reprieve (i.e. a child can avoid the worst of dissociative symptoms if one of their parents was more supportive, because it helps them build some positive attachments).
I really hope this helps!
Good luck, come back soon!
#it didn't end up being shorter#disorganized attachment#cdd system#cdds first#sysconversation#did#osdd#osddid#plurality#multiplicity#childhood trauma#research
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