#low key a vent I guess

[st-dionysus]

The thing some of you don't understand is that offline, I am a respected community activist. I have been paid to do public seminars on trans issues, trans history, and transandrophobia. I have built self-help groups with my blood, sweat, and tears. My real name has been in the newspapers, newsletters, and journals. I am not a keyboard activist. Just because I'm smart enough to not share my name, face, and political actions online, doesn't mean all I do is post on Tumblr.

I post on Tumblr because it's easier to share academia with people through posting then attempting to shove journal articles and flyers at random people. I post here because there is a large community of transgender men that I can supply with information that would otherwise not be easily accessible to them.

[tankgotstuckinthecircusgate]

my humble opinion dont take it close to heart its just ma stuff 🙏

i perfectly understand why this is bout italian mafia but once again if they wanted to stick to it they could've take the italian mafia from the '80s to the '90s (give or take). it's closer to modern times and it's correspondingly scarier + times when it. mafia was slowly exposed /Giancarlo Siani <- italian journalist killed by camorra in 1985 (was 26 y.o) Giovanni Falcone <- was investigating cosa nostra -> blown up in a car in 1992 (+ his wife & 3 policemen if i remember correctly)/

"you need to fire a machine gun at the auditorium". to bring them to a hard and face-punching realization of the horror of reality. you stop breathing, you realize things about yourself and those around you. you get shivers! i like it when it looks fun, but at the end, the mask comes off and something so ugly stares back at you, you're frozen. you realize the complete horror of it. it could be very intimidating with 80-90s italian mafia and overall more interesting (imo)

ps. i'm sorry! mafia code of honor? isn't better than primitive thinking. there's nothing cool about it (and genuinely. genuinely i don't see anything very different in the mafia's worldview from the rest of the criminal statutes. same principles as in rus prison culture and i think many others)

pps. really sorry. boring grandma (me) being a boring grandma

[technologyvoid]

Ah. Cool.

[shiny-jr]

from IGNIHYDE

- Warning: Yes, this is still a yandere thing. You have been warned. Gender-neutral reader.

- Characters: Idia Shroud, Ortho Shroud.

- Summary: (Continuation, after this “we just got a letter, wonder where it’s from”) You have barred them from entering the safety of Ramshackle Dorm, but they are determined to make their words reach you. Which is why the letters begin arriving at your doorstep.

- Note: This seems a little more low-key than Diasomnia, but the obsession is there if you squint. It’s just way more low-key than the previous group. For some reason I feel like I maybe wrote Ortho a little off? Not sure. Feel free to tell me your thoughts.

Diasomnia   |   Ignihyde   |   Pomefiore

The break ends quickly. Too quickly. Before you know it, you’re back in front of the mountain of unread letters that appears even more ominous than before now that you could guess what sort of dark contents they may hold. 

For your own peace of mind, you’ve decided to read only two and then take a pause right after. 

The first of which was just a simple long white envelope. That’s it. There was nothing that stood out about it, no special seal or stamp. It was just the generic type of encasing that made it look like it was some sort of bill instead of a letter containing what was bound to be a message that unsettled you in some way, shape, or form. 

When you removed the letter, you was surprised to see that it wasn’t handwritten, it had been typed and printed out. It didn’t take a genius to figure out who this was from. 

Player, 

I messed everything up.

I don’t even see a point to doing this, writing this for you. I mean, if I were you, I’d never want to see my no-good miserable face ever again. I’d go to every length just to avoid even speaking to me again, and to spite them I’d never even show myself around again. But–– Ortho was making a letter and brought my keyboard to my lap. He said it was worth a shot, and if anything, it could be used as an apology so... sorry.

Any sorry would sound half-assed, considering what happened. It’s not like it matters, since I’m sure you wouldn’t read this. I imagine you would figure out it’s from me, and proceed to tear it up, burn it, whatever. And honestly? Valid. At this point, I’m sort of using it as a vent. Usually, I’d be telling Ortho all this, but all these thoughts I’m having would only bum him out and he’s depressed enough as it is. 

You know what sucks besides all of this? The fact that I genuinely tried. I actually tried to be a help for once, and like it always ends, my attempt to help screwed it up even more. Maybe if I had kept my mouth shut and minded my own business while holing myself up in my room like I always do, things wouldn’t have turned out this bad. If I just did what I was good at, which is nothing, Ortho and I might’ve avoided the shitstorm. Everyone else is currently throwing pity parties and plotting these super over elaborate schemes to try and interact with you by luring you out of the Ramshackle place. 

Ortho’s been coming up with plans too with other guys from the dorms that are just so desperate for your attention. It’s sad to watch, pathetic too, but I don’t have the heart to tell him not to bother with it. And me, I know better. If I were in your position and I saw all these attempts, it would definitely make me extra bitter and just hate everyone even more. Oh, I just remembered something worth mentioning. You may not believe me, I mean, I wouldn’t believe a single word coming from me, but I wasn’t actually going to hurt Grim. You though? Before I knew who you were? Yeah. Don’t get it twisted though, I was just doing it to fix everything until the whole truth got leaked not too long after.

Call me stupid, I guess. When I first saw how others revered you like how a bunch of creepy basement-dwellers look at a pretty perfect idol on a shiny bright stage, it was a major red flag. I wanted nothing to do with you. But when you started worming yourself into my life and I started getting attached, well, that made me a creep too for liking you. Red flags be damned. What can I say? Your presence even through Yuu, made me feel like I mattered, which is something I don’t experience a lot. 

You’d never know it, but I took risks just to be in the same room as your avatar. 

Missing special events on games, losing the chance to catch a concert live on screen, even ditching group calls with teammates and friends... All of that was utterly worthless if I got at least a solid sixty seconds by you. 

Unlike everyone else, I know better than to just show up at your doorstep and beg for forgiveness like some misguided puppy. Malleus and co. have been making sure you’re not disturbed, guarding you like a pack of guard dogs or something, preventing anyone from embarrassing themselves and messing up any further. Ortho said I should at least try to call you, I think he just wants to hear your voice. But why bother? 

Don’t get it wrong, I’m not just letting everything go just like that. As much as I’d like to, and I know it’s probably the “healthy” and “good” thing to do, I don’t want to. I’m not good, you know that already. I’ll keep in the background this time, and try not to mess up again. Although no guarantees, because with my lousy luck, I know something will inevitably go wrong. Don’t worry, I won’t bother you. I wouldn’t want to make the mental image you have of me in your mind even worse, if its even remotely possible for it to somehow get worse. I just can’t let go. Even if you looked at me like trash, avoided me like the plague, or straight up tell me ‘I hate you’ to my face, I still won’t let go. 

And, well, all I can really think of right now besides you, is Ortho. Even if I can’t show my disgraced presence to you anymore, I still hope you’ll see Ortho. At least if Ortho could explain to you that he was acting on my plan, he might get lucky and be next to you again. Maybe. Hard maybe. 

But me? No, I don’t ever deserve to be anywhere near you anymore. For now, I’ll go back to how things were way back... when your vessel hadn’t yet had the misfortune of meeting me and I just watched your every move from monitors like some sort of loser schmuck. 

I think I’ll just imagine how things would be if I hadn’t doomed all my chances. If I had a chance... maybe I would’ve actually worked up the gall to sit next to you, or even look at you, or, hell, talk to you. At least, I’ll always remember when you used your avatar to look at me and it didn’t feel bad... like, almost like you didn’t see me as some lame nobody. That must’ve been my mind just playing tricks on me though, right? There’s no way that happened... 

Enough of this mushy stuff though. I’m sick of it. 

Just throw this in the fire without a second glance. 

Idia Shroud 

In order to get this over as quickly as possible, you decided to continue without taking a breather. The quicker you finished reading them, the better, that way, you wouldn’t even give your mind any time to fully process what you were reading before overwhelming your vision with more lines and lines of words until they became blurred together. 

You wouldn’t stop, because if you stopped, that would be allowing your mind the opportunity to spiral out of control. You needed a distraction. 

This wasn’t exactly the good type of distraction either, it was more like adding gasoline to the fire, but part of you had to know what they would say. No matter what feelings you held, the curiosity outweighed it. 

The second letter is identical to the first, a simple long white envelope with no particularly interesting details about it other than the fact that it had zero stains and no wrinkles on it. It was pristine and clean, not even a drop of ink on it. The insides of the envelope itself were blue, with small white lines on it, but upon closer inspection it became obvious that they weren’t just stripes, they were skull symbols so tiny that it was hardly noticeable. 

Of course, as you expected, the letter inside was not handwritten. It was folded so precisely into thirds, and unfolding it displayed the typed and printed words neatly stacked in indented paragraphs. 

Greetings, Player, 

First, I want to apologize sincerely. 

Secondly, I want to tell you how much I have missed you, and my brother has missed you as well! I don’t believe I can fully comprehend how you are felling at the current moment, and I cannot even accurately guess to what emotions you are experiencing. In my attempt to alleviate the situation, I’ve been running millions of simulations of possible alternative futures in order to take the best route where things might return to a semblance of normalcy. 

Well, a new normal, now that you’re here! However... when each simulation yields a result, I can’t help but feel as if something is wrong. That’s when I realized there was a key component that was off. It was you, or rather, Yuu. We know of Yuu and their mannerisms and opinions, but that isn’t really you. Yuu is a vessel, and extension, that’s partially based off yourself. 

So none of us know the true you. At least, not yet! I’m hoping to change that. Just when I think I’m beginning to understand you, things like this happen. But, that’s what makes you so exciting! There’s always some unforeseen detail and amazing new aspect of yourself to learn about. Once I get a proper grasp on what you’re truly like, I can use that new knowledge to make you happy, just as you made me and my brother always smile!  But also, I want to use it to make it up to you. Honestly, I’m scared that you’ll hate me. In the simulations I ran that gave inaccurate results due to those missing components, nearly all the results had a bad ending... 

I don’t want that. I want to have a ‘normal’ way with you and Idia! A good normal! Like where we might all have movie nights in the Ignihyde dorm with freshly popped popcorn and candies as snacks, or study days when we read over notes and help each other out, maybe you might even be able to convince Idia to leave his room so we can all share lunch in the cafeteria like a group of friends would typically do! That’s what I want! I don’t think I could stand knowing I made you cry or was the cause of your pain. I never hurt you, right? At least not physically. 

Believe me, I had made attempts to meet you. But those in Diasomnia won’t allow it. I was tempted to charge up the technomantic beam installed within my form, but realizing it wasn’t necessary, I didn’t. Idia was right when he didn’t make an effort to even join me, and Malleus Draconia with his own have realized it too. You aren’t ready yet. Even if I’m more than prepared to see you, I can’t rush you. So, I left this letter in their hands, hoping it reached you. If not, there’s no worries. I’ve prepared a dozen more printed copies and if that fails, I’ve created a digital copy! 

Since I couldn’t tell you in person, I’ll tell you through paper... 

I’d like to invite you to formally meet me. I’m even prepared to surprise Idia with this! That’ll cheer him up for sure. You always made him happy, so us properly meeting you would be a dream come true for us both! 

If you’d like to do something upon meeting us, I’ve organized multiple activities for us to participate in. The other first years have reached out and expressed their own desires to make up for the mistakes they made. So, I met with them a few days ago to make plans you might enjoy! These plans are still in the preparation phase, so I can’t reveal them quite yet, but soon I will! 

Anyways, I just wanted to make you aware of this. And I want to say ‘I’m sorry’ even though it feels minuscule to what I’m only guessing must be the strong emotions you feel toward what occurred. But I wanted to let you know that I always want to be your friend, and I always will be, even if you don’t really like me anymore. Friends are supposed to be there for each other, right? So I’ll be there for you now. Remember, I’m a high-tech being, I can be of great use to you if you want! Even if you’d rather just use me as a tool, I would be happy. If you want someone obliterated to ashes or are just looking to answers as to what the weather might be, I would gladly help you with that and so much more! 

And it’s not only me that could be useful to you, my brother can too! Although he probably won’t say it, he depends on you a lot. You’re like a battery to him, you give him the energy he needs. If you’d let him, let us both, we’d be there for you in a zeptosecond! 

There’s one thing I know for certain. You’re the common variable needed for our happiness, no matter the scenario or result, you are a requirement. And I’m certain we can bring you happiness as well. Myself, my brother, and everyone that treasures you, can bring you joy if you allow it. All I want is to see you happy, and everyone else happy as well. So will you please at least consider seeing us again? Soon? Please? 

Hoping to see you soon. 

From your friend, 

Ortho Shroud  

[verdantwyrm]

Man, I have got to learn to stop going into the comment sections of mouthwashing playthroughs because of the same old tired takes getting circulated there. Like one comment I saw said Curly was acting all "buddy buddy" with Jimmy after he figured out what happened to Anya, and it's like huh, I guess you missed the subtlety of the score playing while Curly is trying to find Jimmy. That being that Curly is low-key panicking about the situation and so the things he's saying to Jimmy could be coming from a fawn response rather than him just trying to comfort Jimmy.

It's why I don't bother either, I already see enough bad takes just on here. I avoid mouthwashing tiktok like the plague.

Even if you want to read Curly as being "buddy buddy" with Jimmy it is very very very obvious that something is up. Ignoring the music, the dialogue alone is extremely unnatural. We've seen Curly be confident, with Anya it's confident and comfortable. With Swansea its stern as is his role as Captain but forgiving, with Daisuke its firm but again, forgiving. It's very evident that Curly has the confidence for his role and the ability to hold that in situations of stress while still being lax and carefree because he trusts his crew, he holds no personal interest or respect for Pony Express so theres no reason for him to be cruel or unfair; and despite that, he's still the Captain and he most certainly can express that when he so desires.

But not with Jimmy. When he's with Jimmy he's frightful, unsure of himself, scared to defend himself or even speak up because he would much rather be the one taking the hits than not at all because it also meant Jimmy had a target to vent his frustrations or anger out on. Much rather it be him than someone else, thays why he tries so hard to be the one in between, either as a mediator or so he could step in whenever necessary. He was willing to do as much as possible to fawn, please and be in the way, both mentally and physically, so if the worst to happen it would only happen to him.

He's panicking because he's never seen Jimmy so worked up so he defaults to the same three points as if he's reading from a script because he genuinely doesn't know how to approach the situation in a way that benefits them both in some way.

Jimmy gets to let his frustrations out and Curly gets a calm Jimmy, someone thats more agreeable, calmer and possibly even less dangerous. Someone that you can approach with other topics with much less risk, which could have been the original plan; to let Jimmy get his frustrations out, calm him down enough to sit and talk more about their options regarding the situation. All we know for certain is that he wanted so badly to be there with Anya when she told Jimmy.

[azaharinflames]

Given the media presence with interviews and photo shoots as of late I can't help but feel that Ryan is setting up to take flight with a different direction for his career. Do you think the move to Texas will happen and that they are building up to his exit as his contract ends with season 8?

Hi!

I mean- I've been saying it haha, so I definitely agree. Like, a one-time mention would've been normal, in my opinion. He's been in 911 for a long time and one would think the show will not go on forever, so it's natural to start thinking of the next steps.

However, his insistence on it is definitely worth noting. Mostly because no one else in the cast has adopted his behavior, or is doing something similar to him. Like, sure, JLH is doing press for her Christmas movie, but the few clips I've seen are such a different vibe.

His recent interview is... something lmao. Like a constant ick. And like, I was never his fan, but he truly did give me the ick with that one, my God. Regardless - the way he talked in it, I couldn't help but think he's low-key confirming my suspicions. Time will tell, I guess.

Now - Eddie moving to Texas is the thing that would make the most sense, in my opinion. He's not going to get killed off, we know that's not 911's style and I highly doubt they'd start to change that now. I think, if they've introduced the storyline now, and RG indeed leaves, his character leaving for Texas is what would make the most sense.

And let me add to this long answer by saying that, not going to lie, I kinda want this to happen? My feelings regarding RG aside, I just want to see some of the main cast shaken up. I want to see change! We've had the same thing since Season 2, have barely seen any change except the characters getting a couple of kids, and any potential side characters have eventually left. A main leaving would shake things up, and I would be curious to see what it does to the show.

I will also add, and this I say with my clown nose on, that if Ryan/Eddie were to leave, that would leave Buck partnerless, in a way. And not talking about the job, but just in general. And, I'm just saying, it would be a rather perfect time and opportunity to give him a permanent (romantic) partner. I'm officially manifesting Eddie leaving by the end of the season and Tommy coming back to fill the void in Buck's life. Universe, please, listen to me!

Anyway, sorry for all that lol. My inbox is always open for ranting, venting, giving opinions or confessions!

Take care <3

[yeosangmaybe]

Here is yunho!! As you can probably tell, I love to make a man a simp. I’m open to requests so let me know if you have one.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Genre: female!reader x bestfriend!yunho, no smut, group chat

Warnings: mentions of food, low-key bullying, kithing, yearning and all that good stuff,

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Part 1

Y/N tapped her fingers against the sticky surface of the diner table, her eyes flicking toward the clock above the register. One hour. She had waited an entire hour for that fucker to show up.

Her stomach twisted, her humiliation growing everytime the waitress looked over at her with pity.

“I’m so stupid,” she muttered to herself, stirring her now flat soda absentmindedly.

She pulled out her phone, hoping to find an explanation from the person she was supposed to be sitting across from her, and what a shocker! Nothing.

Y/n then opened her messages with her best friend to vent about her current situation.

Y/N: Been sitting here for an hour and guess who hasn’t shown up? The movie literally starts in 30 minutes.

The response came quicker than she expected.

Yunho: Are you serious? Where are you?

Y/N: Some diner. But it doesn’t matter now. I was supposed to go to the drive-in after. No point in going alone. I already feel like a loser

There was a brief pause before her screen lit up again.

Yunho: Give me 10 minutes. I’ll pick you up and we can go together.

Her fingers hovered over the keyboard. She hesitated. Yunho hated romantic movies. He always called them predictable and cringey.

Y/N: You don’t have to, Yunho.

Yunho: it’s your favorite movie. I can sacrifice my sanity this one time.

Her heart swelled. Yunho had always been her best friend, her rock. But there were moments like these, when he felt like something more.

Twenty minutes later, Yunho was pulling his car into the drive-in, finding a good spot near the middle. The screen glowed brightly in the darkened lot, playing old previews, and the sound of other people chatting and laughing around them only made Y/N more aware of how different her night could have been.

But then Yunho sighed dramatically and muttered, “I can’t believe I’m watching this,” and she felt herself smile.

The screen went dark for a second before glowing brightly again with the production logo.

“Shhh,” she whispered, nudging him with her elbow. “It’s starting!”

He rolled his eyes but didn’t argue.

At first, Yunho tried to follow along, but it didn’t take long for his attention to drift. The plot was exactly what he expected: predictable and painfully cheesy.

But then, instead of watching the screen, his attention caught on her.

The way her nose scrunched when she heard a corny joke, her lips twitching like she was trying to fight back a laugh until failing miserably.

The way she gasped and buried her face in her hands when the actors kissed, peeking through her fingers with wide eyes.

The way she carefully shuffled the popcorn around, searching for the pieces with the perfect amount of butter. Her little victory dance making his chest feel fluttery.

He had seen her do these things a thousand times before, but tonight, it felt different.

His stomach twisted in a way he didn’t quite understand. His palms felt sweaty against the leather of the seats.

Was it getting hot in this car?

He swallowed, tearing his gaze away from her and forcing himself to stare at the screen. But no matter how hard he tried, his focus kept slipping back to her.

She had always been pretty. Without a doubt. But had she always been this beautiful? This breathtaking? Had her laugh always made his heartbeat stutter like this?

By the time the credits rolled, Yunho barely remembered a single scene from the movie.

Y/N turned to him, her eyes sparkling with happiness. “Thank you, Yunho. Really. You didn’t have to do this, but you did. You’re such a good friend.”

Her words should have made him feel good. Should have.

But instead, his heart stopped in a way he wasn’t used to.

She thought he was just being a good friend. That was all this was, right?

He forced a casual smile. “No problem,” he said, hoping she wouldn’t notice the way his voice came out just a little too strained.

He dropped her off at her house, watching as she gave him one last grateful smile before disappearing inside.

And as he drove home, his hands gripped the steering wheel. His heart still felt weird.

This feeling. This strange, tightness in his chest whenever he looked at her…

It wasn’t just friendship.

And Yunho wasn’t sure what to do about it.

Part 2

Yunho lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling as the faint glow of his tv screen illuminated his room. He had abandoned his game a while ago, the distraction ineffective when it came to his thoughts.

It was so stupid. He had spent years by Y/N’s side, never once feeling like this.

But now? His heart felt like it was trying to escape his chest, his brain was running in circles, and he hadn’t blinked in what felt like hours.

What was wrong with him?

He turned onto his side, then onto his stomach, then onto his back again, huffing out a frustrated sigh.

It was well after 3 a.m. at this point. Sleep was just a concept.

He groaned before grabbing his phone and opening the group chat with the guys.

Maybe if he it off his chest, he’d be able to relax enough to rest.

Yunho: Guys, I think I have a crush on Y/N.

For a moment, there was silence. Then

Seonghwa: And the crowd is… silent???

Hongjoong: LMAO

Mingi: there was a fork in the kitchen

Wooyoung: As a grown man, why are you using the word crush

Jongho: says the “grown man” who does the most gut wrenching aegyo I’ve ever seen

Wooyoung: Okay? Art should make you feel something so

Hongjoong: We’re calling that shit art now???

Yunho: Yeah, well it makes me feel like choking you

Wooyoung: I know I’m tempting but save that for Y/N

Mingi: LMAO

Yunho: 😀 Guys, I’m serious. I literally can’t sleep because of this

Yeosang: I literally bet Wooyoung 10 bucks that you’d realize it before the month ended. Looks like I won

Wooyoung: I hate you.

Jongho: ANYWAY. Are you gonna tell her or just bother us about it?

Yunho frowned at his screen, his fingers hesitating over the keyboard.

Yunho: What if she doesn’t feel the same?

San: and what if she does?

Seonghwa: Bro, just tell her before it’s too late. You never know what could happen.

Yunho sighed, rolling onto his back again. His heart felt like a damn ready to burst.

Could he really tell her? What if it ruined everything?

But before he could dwell on it for too long, exhaustion finally won, and he let himself drift off to sleep, his mind made up.

Next time he saw her, he’d tell her.

Two Days Later

Yunho was in the middle of a game when his phone buzzed.

Y/N: Yunho, please come over. I’m having a crisis.

His stomach dropped. A crisis?

His controller clattered onto the desk as he shot up, already grabbing his jacket.

Yunho: On my way.

He barely registered the speed limits as he drove to her place, running through every possibility in his head. Was she sick? Did something happen to her family? Was she hurt?

He burst into her apartment, slightly out of breath. “Y/N, what’s wrong? What hap-”

He froze.

She was standing in the middle of her room, surrounded by a disaster of clothes. Dresses, skirts, jeans, sweaters, everything she owned seemed to be covering her floor.

She turned to him, looking utterly distressed. “I don’t know what to wear.”

Yunho blinked. Once. Twice.

“…What?”

She sighed dramatically, flopping onto her bed. “I have a date, and I don’t know what to wear. I need your opinion.”

He swore he wasn’t hearing her right.

“A date?” His voice came out weaker than he wanted.

She nodded, looking guilty. “I know, I know. I told you he stood me up, but he had a reason. I’ve had a crush on him forever, and I just… I want to give him one more chance to prove himself.”

Yunho felt like the air had been knocked out of his lungs.

One more chance.

His fingers curled into fists at his sides, a mix of emotions swirling inside him.

She had been pissed two nights ago. He had seen the humiliation on her face when he picked her up, how she had clung to the little bit of happiness the movie gave her. And now?Now she was giving that guy a chance?

Not him.

Not the guy who had actually been there for her.

He clenched his jaw. “So… you’re really gonna go out with him?”

She hesitated. “Yeah. I mean, I don’t want to regret not trying, you know?”

Yunho swallowed the lump in his throat. He wanted to scream. To tell her he’s a loser, he doesn’t deserve you.

To tell her that maybe, just maybe, she had been crushing on the wrong guy this whole time.

But he didn’t.

Instead, he plastered on a smile and forced himself to nod.

Even though it felt like he was watching his chance slip right through his fingers.

Part 3

Yunho watched her sift through her clothes, still trying to pick out the perfect outfit for her date with him. His stomach twisted.

Before he could even think about it, the words slipped out.

“Don’t go.”

Y/N froze, mid-motion of pulling a dress from the pile. She turned to him slowly, eyes narrowed in confusion. “What?”

His heart pounded in his chest, panic setting in immediately. Why did he say that? What was he supposed to say now?

She crossed her arms, her expression shifting into something skeptical. “Why not?”

Yunho’s mouth went dry. His mind raced for something, anything, to say, but his brain had officially shut down. His mouth opened and closed uselessly before he did the one thing he absolutely shouldn’t have done.

He shrugged.

Y/N scoffed, rolling her eyes. “Seriously? That’s all you’ve got? If you can’t give me a good reason not to, then I’m still going.”

She was practically handing him a lifeline. A golden opportunity to spill every messy emotion that had been building inside him for days.

And what did he do?

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

She shook her head, clearly unimpressed, and grabbed her dress before heading into the bathroom. “I swear, Yunho, you’re acting so weird today,” she muttered before closing the door behind her.

As soon as the little click from the door closing could be heard, Yunho groaned, dragging his hands down his face before yanking his phone out of his pocket.

Yunho: I just fucked up.

The guys immediately started to respond.

Hongjoong: Oh, what a shocker.

San: Define “fucked up.”

Yunho: I’m at Y/N’s, she’s getting ready to go out with that guy again. I told her not to go on the date.

Mingi: YES, FINALLY!

Yunho: But then she asked me why and I panicked… and said nothing.

Jongho: … dude has 0 game.

San: YOU SAID NOTHING???

Yeosang: I suddenly understand why this this has taken you so long.

Seonghwa: Wooyoung… you owe me 20 bucks.

Wooyoung: FUCK. I’m never betting on you again, Yunho. I stg you’re allergic to getting laid.

Yunho: fuck you???

Yeosang: At least you’d be getting some then lmao

San: LMAOOOOO

Mingi: Yunho? More like Yugotnohoes

Jongho: AHAHAHAHAHA

Hongjoong: You know it’s bad if Mingi a.k.a. Mr.Bitchless is roasting you

Mingi: HEY

Hongjoong: hEy

Seonghwa: I’m calling cps. This is child abuse

Yunho: you’re all getting a special feature in my letter

Yeosang: womp womp

Wooyoung: YUNHO WHY ARE YOU TEXTING US INSTEAD OF FIXING IT?!?

Yunho cursed under his breath. His fingers hovered over his screen, ready to type out something defensive, but before he could, Y/N’s voice cut through his thoughts.

“Alright, I’m heading out in 5!”

His head snapped up just in time to see her grabbing her keys and purse, completely oblivious to the absolute meltdown happening inside of him.

He scrambled to his feet, his brain scrambling for a plan, something to fix this. But before he could think of anything, she was already halfway out the door.

“I gotta go! Just lock up when you leave. “

His heart raced.

She was leaving.

He had to do something.

Yunho’s body moved before his brain could catch up.

Long legs, please don’t fail me now.

In seconds he had made it out of her room, across the living space and out her door. Y/n was just reaching for her car door when she heard him yell.

“Y/N, wait!”

She barely had time to turn around before he grabbed her wrist, spinning her to face him. Her lips parted, eyes wide in surprise, but before she could say anything, before he could fuck up again, he kissed her.

Every emotion that had been clawing at his chest, every word he couldn’t say, it all poured into the kiss. His hands were warm against her skin, his grip firm and desperate, as if she might slip away if he let go.

She stiffened for a moment, caught completely off guard.

Then, she melted.

Her hands found his jacket, gripping onto the fabric as she kissed him back.

It wasn’t soft or hesitant.

it was raw, real.

When they finally pulled apart, Yunho pressed his forehead against hers, still catching his breath.

Y/N stared at him, her expression unreadable. “Yunho…”

His grip on her wrist tightened slightly. “Don’t go,” he repeated, his voice quieter this time. “Stay. With me.”

Her lips spread into a slow smile.

“That’s a much better reason.”

[velvetvexations]

as an autistic trans man, sometimes I feel less safe in public presenting as a man than as a woman, because, especially in certain places, man + visibly autistic tends to be more often falsely read as "dangerous and predatory" than when people read me as a woman.

Yeah, as an autistic trans woman who doesn't pass, I feel that. <3

Honestly thank you so much for what you do on this app. I'm so glad there's people who are actually willing to stand with trans men instead of pulling the "um well I have it worse so do NOT talk about your own oppression EVER or else you're a transmisogynist!" I'm so happy I found your blog and I hope you have a great week <3

I hope you have a great week as well!

Eh a long while ago Chris Fleming made a video making fun of polyamorous people which used a lot of the same hurtful stereotypes society already perpetuates against us and I’ve not paid attention since

Noted, as someone who is also poly.

i wish the queer community didnt put so much emphasis on sexuality labels like i just want to have sex why do i need to put a word to it

very valid

about the dropout “discourse”: hot take but real life people are not representation. theyre people. real people are not queerbaiting you and real people happening to not be transfem (and I have literally seen transfems in some dropout episodes theyre just not part of the main cast) is not a lack of representation. these are real people. stop* *not you, the people being shitty about it

the complaint is not in any way coming from a genuine place tbh

hey! i just wanted to let you know how much your blog means to me as a trans guy. you and your reblogs have given me hope at trans unity, and lets me know that i-- that we-- aren't alone. so thank you for everything you do, and i greatly appreciate your support and look up to you 💛

Thank you. <3

i redownloaded etsy recently and seeing all the trans stuff saved to my favorites is so sad. i used to feel happy and proud and i wanted to be open about being transmasc. but since all the discourse got worse i just. cant bring myself to feel like it matters. it makes me feel like im trans and yet i will never matter the way other trans people do.

You do matter anon, I promise. I love you, you matter, and I'm glad you're here.

As a trans guy a lot of the self-ID'd TME transmascs weird me out so much. Like why do they all sound like "I am so strong and my power to Harm Women is immense. I could do it so much and I feel the pull to the Transmisogynist Dark Side but *unsheaths sword* I will protect them instead with my big strong testosterone arms from my fellow men" like what even is that. Who is into this.

it's so incredibly obviously bad but it reinforces some people's victim complexes so it's praxis now

a trans person will joke about their experience and a trf will jump in to assume theyre a white transmasc who has never ever faced any real difficulties for being trans

every time

Out of the many, many stupid ideas in this dumb discourse, I've finally decided the one I hate the most is that underlying implication that transmascs just aren't trans enough. It's so gross seeing people imply that we aren't really trans. Our dysphoria is minimal discomfort at most, apparently. I've seen people post about and imply that transmascs will never understand not feeling like a person or being unable to live a life pre transition and that's why we have privilege, i guess - are you kidding me? It's like our experiences are a joke to these people who are clearly so wrapped up in their online discourse bubble that they're just detached from what it's like for trans people as a whole. Sorry for the vent (would rather not post this on main and I don't have anyone to talk to) but it's just the most grating part. Also it's like. Low-key transmed shit. Thought we left that behind, c'mon.

transmeds are like ants they come back every summer

i wish TRFs had a label they proudly called themselves so i could jsut go through their tags and block them, but noooooo they HAVE to frame their transphobic bullshit as Brilliant Transfeminist Theory. like atleast radfems are fucking honest about being radfems

That's part of why I made antigonism a label for anti-TRFs to call themselves~!

[luffyvace]

Aizawa crush headcanons

”aizawa crush headcanons, but like make him realize he’s in love with you at the end, so that like, he can do something about it or he can’t ignore it”

asked by a good friend of mine irl. she didn’t mention gender so i’m going with afab since i haven’t written for that yet ♡

(ps i’m not going to mention what type of person he would like unless you req that i want to keep this as neutral as possible)

aizawa having a crush on you means finding cats to take care of together

it means warm, comfortable, solidarity silence

he would still be himself around you for sure, he would want you to like him for who he is

changing himself is too much effort. if you don’t like him back he’ll have to move on whether it hurts or not

people still need teaching and saving after all and the world isn’t going to stop just for him

being a realist he’s aware of that

but that doesn’t mean he isn’t going to clean up if you go out somewhere together (prior to dating, first impressions are everything)

he wouldn’t be afraid to tell you like it is if you ask for his opinion,

in his eyes sugarcoating things aren’t going to help you

but he wouldn’t necessarily be as harsh on you as he is on his students or mic

to woo you he wouldn’t really do anything above and beyond

he acknowledges that he likes you but he doesn’t want to waste time if his crush on you doesn’t blossom into something bigger

so instead of going all out he relies on things like little compliments, little favors and quality time

examples;

”you don’t look half bad today l/n”

”not too shabby, i guess” *combs hand through hair* (yeah that’s another thing, he’ll do little gestures to sway you but we’ll dabble into that more later)

”you smell fresh, that’s a nice aroma”

for little favors……

you: “ahh crap i left my keys in my car”

him: *magically knows a way to open locked out cars* you: *clearly having a rough day* him: *opens a window for you to vent* you: “awww man the last of ____ is sold out!”

him: “hmm..well, i’ll keep an eye out for when it’s back in stock” *the very next day* “oh yeah turns out i already had one i just forgot, here you can have it”

im not lying he actually did have one and forgot

as far as quality time:

inviting each other over for movie nights (he always falls alseep so you get most of the popcorn- 🎉 unless it’s his favorite movie- then he stays up eyes red and all, while sucking nothing out of an empty juicy box)

although movie night only happens when your closer friends though- he keeps his friend circle small because anyone could betray him and he doesn’t like people (he doesn’t hate them either he just stays to himself)

quality time for him can also be texting and checking up on each other

it doesn’t always have to be physical for him to feel appreciated

if YOU want to sway HIM though

get him a cat

self explanatory

but you can also listen to him when he talks, shoulder massages (only when your real close tho), give it to him straight.. definitely don’t be phony…and yeah!

pretty much be yourself

if he doesn’t fall for you himself there’s no way to convince him to

and if he falls for you it’s not for any facade you put on

its for your real true self

your personality.

he accepts your flaws and who you are but he will talk to you about bettering yourself a few times if they’re really bad and habitual (which he’s perfect if you have low self esteem because he’ll help you realize you might be overthinking and underestimating yourself, bringing you back to reality like the realist he is)

he’s not necessarily judgmental though

i feel like the part of him that’s not afraid to tell it like it is, is being misunderstood as him being judgmental

anyway that’s for when he has a crush on you

now its time for love

😍

okay so what (for), when, where and why right?

(“what about who? 🤓☝️“ YOU, FOOL!)

so what (for):

i dabbled in this okay? he loves your personality

for your flaws, your strengths, your weaknesses, your IQ (high or low), your fears

he loves everything about you

when?:

probably when you guys are pretty close

not him and mic close

but y’all have been friends for some time now

i say a couple of months

he doesn’t fall fast

maybe first though, if you an oblivious typa person

where (does he realize);

he was probably sitting on his couch after dinner, waiting for his shower to get hot, snug as a bug in his sleeping bag, drinkin a juicy box.

see the vision?

okay

so he was thinkin n thinkin n thinkin…

about you.

wait.

about you

why was he thinking so much about you.

omg wait..

he just remembered..

your beautiful smile (don’t care if it’s crooked, missing teeth, over/underbite- it’s GOREGEOUS)

your beautiful hair

your beautiful eyes

your personality

he realized he was thinking about you so much because…

he loves you

sits there head empty for a hot minute…

then falls asleep..

(rip water bill- shower still running)

why?:

wym why he fell in love? your YOU!!

your amazing even if he doesn’t say it all the time

or even if you don’t think it

even if no else thinks it!

someone does!

him!

he’s not the type of person to romanticize the person he loves

but he does accept you!

but as i said he loves you most for personality!

purely, truly—you

now let’s dabble back into the little gestures he’ll do to sway you once he realizes he loves you

for one like i said he’ll comb his hair in his fingers

and if he sees you find that attractive he’ll do it a little more around you

now keep in mind

your special

he doesn’t go around doing things like that for just anyone

no matter how small the change if it’s not beneficial he won’t do it

but this is beneficial

because he’s trying to court you ;)

he loves you, and he wants you to love him back now :)

but anyways

back on topic

he’ll also shrink his personal bubble around you

so now you can;

stand a little closer than normal

brush your fingers together

have your arms side by side

touch knees together when sitting

lay your head in his lap during movie night and he won’t say anything

(he wouldn’t pet your head but he’s not going to move you either)

rest your head on his shoulder as he does stuff/work (usually in private like when he’s planning his lessons on weekends)

speaking of that you can now come over unannounced and he’ll be glad to see you, ask you about your day, etc

back on topic to gestures he does,

his favors can get more personal,

like if you need to run errands but aren’t feeling well he’ll go shopping for you

(although i will say he doesn’t like shopping and has no idea what brands of products you normally buy he’ll do it to help you out)

he’ll also feel comfortable putting his arm on your shoulder (not around, on)

the gestures aren’t a lot because he isn’t the most cuddly guy (in my realistic headcanons)

but they mean something to you

AN: i tried to write canon aizawa more than fanon because it’s better that way to me but if anyone wants a little more cuddly/fanon aizawa i’d be happy to give it to them

i’m really happy with the way this turned out so i hope everyone can enjoy as well

ps: if you want specifically how he asks you out id love to do that (i might do it anyways 😋)

[crescent-nyx]

Jennie as your GF headcanon (SFW) - Dropped half of the letters or else it’s too long.

A- Affection: How affectionate is she with you?

Really affectionate in private. Jennie gets so much shit for everything. If she walks outside and steps on an ant, people will go feral, scrutinising why she stepped on that ant. Does she think she’s better than other living things? People always find something to hate her for. I think it’s netizens’ favourite pastime. So when she started dating you, she wanted to keep it low-key. She doesn’t want anyone to know, so even as much as hand-holding is off the table. At home though? Complete cuddle bear.

C- Cheeky: How cheeky is she?

A bit. She does goof around with you, pulls pranks, makes jokes… She’s just not like Jisoo or Lisa that play around 24/7. Jennie is pretty calm and she likes her quiet time. I don’t see her as the type to be bouncing off the wals from sun up to sun down.

E- Emotion: How comfortable is she expressing her emotions?

Jennie is very emotional and sensitive, and she can’t really hide that. She has no filter. She is very clear about everything… Her thoughts, what she says, her emotions, her opinions. She’s an open book. You can tell immediately when you’ve hurt her feelings. She makes herself very clear without saying much. You can just see it in her face. She also trusts you a lot. You’re the first one she comes crying to when anything goes wrong - anything at all. You’re always the first one to know, and the first one she allows to calm her down. You’re her shoulder to cry on, the one she will always come venting to, always seek advice from etc.

G- Gifts: Receiver or giver? What kind of gifts does she like?

Jennie is 100% a giver. She likes to make you happy. Whether that be by buying you something you pointed out to her a few weeks ago or making your favourite chocolate just because… She doesn’t really need a special occasion to spoil you. She just does it because it makes her happy to see you happy. As for her, she does like expensive gifts like a new perfume or a Chanel bag, but these are things she herself can buy. She prefers gifts that come from your heart. Like a photo album of the two of you or a scrapbook of your favourite memories, or a ‘100 reasons I love you’ book like she made for you for your birthday last year. Just anything like that.

I- I love you: Who said it first? When? How?

Jennie said it first… Rather quickly too… About on the fifth date. The both of you were stargazing. You had planned on just watching the sun going down at your place after dinner and then heading over to the cinema to watch this new movie that had come out. However, when the stars started appearing and the moon had come up, neither of you wanted to leave anymore. It was calming, healing if you will. Both of you just in your backyard, sitting on some beanbags with some snacks. You had downloaded an app, telling you which constellations were in the sky that night and where to see them. With Jennie it just came out. You were helping her spot Sirius, and she just couldn’t hold it in anymore. She just had to tell you.

“Y/N…”

“Yes?”

“I love this… You… I love you… And this.”

Yeah, it was awkward, but genuine.

K- Kiss: What was the first kiss like?

Really awkward as well. Everything you and Jennie did for the first time was awkward. This was no exception. You were both ready for that step. You both just uncomfortably shifted closer together and leaned in too quickly I guess, bumping your foreheads against each other. Eventually, you got over the awkwardness, but yeah… It was definitely memorable.

M- Memory: What’s her memory like? Does she remember things like birthdays or anniversaries?

Jennie remembers everything about everyone. This is both a blessing and a curse. If you’re trying to surprise her, don’t lie about where you’re going, don’t change your story because she will know. She knows what you ate, what you wore last week, at what hour you went to bed, and what you like 😏

O- On cloud nine: What is she like when she’s in love?

Overwhelming. Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it eventually… But definitely overwhelming. She can be a lot. She wants to celebrate everything - 1 week anniversary, 1 month anniversary, 100 day anniversary, 200 day anniversary, 300 day anniversary, 1 year anniversary… But, hey… More gifts I suppose 🤷🏼‍♀️ Jennie will also just swoon over anything you do. Even if it’s the most basic shit ever, she will act like you saved the planet.

Q- Queen: Does she like to be pampered? The princess/queen treatment?

Yes, ma’am… Definitely, most definitely. Jennie LOVES getting pampered. Doesn’t matter how. Just be affectionate towards her. You can’t really go overboard with her. She loves it all - pet names, massages, home spa dates, you painting her nails… She loves getting your attention.

S- Security: How protective is she? Who is the protector?

You. Jennie gets so much shit, she kinda needs you to look out for her. However, she will gladly risk it all when it comes to you as well. Sure, she takes her career seriously, and it would break her if she had to step away from it, but for you, she’d do anything. But you are definitely her personal security guard.

U- Unity: What kind of wedding does she want? Does she even want a wedding to begin with?

Jennie definitely wants a fairytale type wedding. Something with only people you both know, yet lavish and gorgeous. She’d definitely spend her cash on it - everything. She wouldn’t settle for anything that’s not perfect. She’ll only get married once, so she wants to do it right, with the perfect cake, the perfect dress, the perfect food, the perfect people. Probably something like the wedding in Crazy Rich Asians but without the mean rich in-laws and toxicity.

W- Wildcard: Random headcanon.

Jennie talks in her sleep. It’s absolutely adorable. I don’t think she’ll ever know how many pictures and videos you have of her singing or talking in her sleep.

Y- Yearn: What are her cravings when she’s having a bad day? What makes her feel better?

You, Kuma and chocolate… A lot of chocolate. Even more chocolate… And you, all of you.

[bowerspowers]

Small vent pls ignore ♡

Low key wish there were more literate IT rpers. It’s mostly all one liners that are super ooc

It just feels like it’s pointless putting effort in shit when all I have to do is post an image of Henry and make him say lololol gay and get 20 replies lmao

Like o get it, it’s super fun and chill but I guess I also just want to really dig deeper with some interactions. I want meaningful interactions and plots and stories bc it’s so much fun and I think I’m in the minority in that. I’m close to giving up and going to a more story based writing community.

I miss the old rp community :( I feel like no one wants to interact with any of my accounts and I guess I just feel inadequate/ignored and idk what to do other than make things for people to have them care; but even then it’s only for like 5 mins.

[ragnarokhound]

omg sweetie pie don’t talk about chains I’ll BLUSH. definitely never been into that…

How do you think the rest of the Batfam reacts to Jaytim finally happening (something along the lines of your secretary fic) ?

I think Cass knew how they felt before them, Damian is disgusted (but secretly pleased), Dick found out by walking in on them at Tim’s apartment, and Bruce had no idea and has none until Jason tells him point blank. Alfred? Somehow orchestrated the whole thing.

I'll keep that in mind babe ;) (*adds 'Spicy Hardware' to the budget)

Ohoho, that is a fun question, and one that I often have trouble answering because I am like a horse with blinders on when it comes to my hyperfixations and my ships OTL Jason and Tim usually get the brunt of my obsessive analysis, leaving only minimal room for other characters to squeeze their way in. RIPeroni you two ❤️

That being said, I'm a huge liar because I do actually have some Thoughts lol

It largely depends on the state of the verse we're in and how involved the others were in watching their courtship go down, so without further adieu, here's how I think the batfam would react to finding out about jaytim's newly minted relationship in my secretary!au fic:

So in Secretary!AU in particular, the others weren't involved to an almost suspicious degree 😳 Tim is losing his mind for a month over Jason daylighting as his secretary, and he never finds out anything resembling the truth from anyone? What??

Which of course means some of them were simply unaware because they don't give a shit or assume Tim isn't suffering (Damian, Duke, Bruce) and some ARE aware to some degree that this is unusual and came to their own conclusions. And promptly decided to stay out of it (Dick, Babs, Steph, Cass, Alfred - Duke might actually be here, it depends lol)

In particular, Steph hears Tim's mini rant/breakdown Day 1 and is simply too amused. Because she watched him suddenly start deflecting Jason's attention 3 months ago, and oh boy does this feel like a comeuppance. She's got popcorn and is asking things like, 'i dunno Tim, why do you think Jason followed you to the office where you have to reliably be?' and after all of it, when he shows up with a hickey after patrolling with Jason that night, she golf claps at him

Cass shrugs at Tim when he vents where she can hear, because she's been waiting for them to figure this out for like. A year now. She is surprised when Tim had his Jason-shaped epiphany because she knows that Tim has been Into Jason ever since that time in the park with Poison Ivy, and Jason called him a princess for getting particular about decon. (Similarly, Cass also knew that Jason has been low-key into Tim since the time before that, when Tim ugly laughed so hard at a joke Jason made at Dick's expense that he nearly inhaled a french fry). When they get together, she is standing next to Steph, also golf clapping because Steph told her it would be funny

Dick had to listen to Jason complain about Tim ghosting him a month or two into it (Jason and Dick were in each other's vicinity and Jason asked how Tim was doing. Dick said he was 'fine, why?' And Jason scowled and muttered, 'No reason. Feel like he's been dodging me, is all' and a tiny red alert pinged in the back of Dick's head) so when he hears that Jason is at Wayne Tower and that Tim is having vent sessions about it with Steph, his eyebrows shoot waaaay up. He kind of hopes that the Tower is still standing after Jason's done getting whatever vengeance he has in mind (Jason's prank war game is both legendary and unhinged). When he finds out what actually transpires (or rather, guesses what transpired), he has a small moment of relief because 'oh phew, is that all?' and then immediately BSODs because 'WAIT WHAT, IS THAT WHY YOU GUYS ARE CLAPPING--'

Babs quietly figured out why Tim was panicking pretty early because no one ghosts someone for having a good, fun, tbh flirty relationship for literally any other reason. She wondered vaguely if Jason was going to a) clock it and then b) do anything about it, and then equally quietly paused auto-uploads on Wayne Tower office footage so that she could make Tim review it instead. She simply Will Not be the one to log the data from Monday morning, thanks.

Damian did not and does not give a fuck. He briefly questions Todd's sanity. Then immediately discards that thought because it's Todd. He would like Grayson to quit yelling at that octave though, because his 'i'm secretly happy for you but also hurt that you didn't confide in me' shouting is very grating and makes Damian nervous.

Duke I'm on the fence about, but I lean towards 'i was sitting over on the bench' for him. He was so busy Staying In His Lane that he simply did not notice that this was happening. 'Uh, congrats, I guess?'

Bruce was keeping tabs on the situation. He does not plan to review the footage either. He has ten more gray hairs than he did yesterday, and is pondering how their relationship might affect their performance in the field, but trusts that Tim has likely thought through the ramifications and likely scenarios that should need to be compensated for. (Being involved with your teammate can be frightening and stressful; it could lead to strain between the two of you, and opens new vulnerabilities up for exploitation. But it can also be deeply, deeply rewarding. Hm.) (also shout-out to the one commenter who theorized that Bruce was the one on the other end of the phone call that Jason yanked the cord on. LMAO. ROFL, even.)

Alfred defuses the tension in the cave by reminding everyone to please finish their reports, and that there are refreshments in the dining room upstairs when they are finished, should anyone be joining the household for dinner tonight. He is very pointedly looking at Jason and Tim when he says this, because they Will be joining the household for dinner tonight, because it is the duty and privilege of a grandfather to tease his grandson (Jason) for having a boyfriend (Tim). Idk if Alfred called it in quite the same way as Cass, but he knew there was something interpersonal they needed to work out, and also that Tim has had a crush on Robin for his Entire Life, so he's not exactly surprised.

...aaaand sorry if I skipped anyone, but that's my list lol

[zmediaoutlet]

Two hundred miles north of Bodega Bay, Sam taps his fingers on his thigh in a particular pattern. Dean pulls off the 101 at Eureka, driving easy. Trying to make it look that way at least. Familiar roads off the highway—gas, fast food. Motels, and he picks the third he sees, a long low building with a cracked and unfilled pool, and he looks sidelong at Sam across the seat and Sam nods and goes into the office to get whatever room can be got.

Idling in the dark. He clears his throat, feels like an idiot. Says out loud, anyway, "Hey, uh. You there? 'Cause, I know—I mean, I guess, ghosts don't sleep, right? But me and Sammy have gotta get some shuteye before we go all guns blazing, so. Hope you're good to—to hang out, and…"

And what? Read their Dick Roman research in the dark in the parking lot? The idiot feeling hasn't gone away and intensifies when there's no answer but silence. There's this other thing squeezing his guts, though, a shiver that he's trying not to acknowledge so it won't rattle all the way through and make his bones leap fully a foot to the left of his body—and he jumps when there's a knock on the window, but it's just Sam. He holds up his fingers, backlit by neon and the white light of the motel office—room seven—and sets off walking, so Dean's left to pull the car around, the radio off, silence ringing through the car like a struck gong, shattering.

Big truck parked directly in front of room seven. Dean picks a spot a few down and mutters loud enough to be heard, "Take your half out of the middle, huh?" Sam meets him at the trunk, spinning the keys into his palm, and they don't look at each other while they pick up their duffles of clothes, the weapon bag Dean usually packs, the supply bag Sam tends to haul when they need to haul it, with its load of iron, and silver, and salt. Sam goes over to open up the room and Dean heaves his bags up onto one shoulder and sees the flask wink parking lot light back up at him from where it's stuck by the box of IDs. He says, "Night," easy, like it's easy, and then he shuts the trunk and follows Sam into the room and flicks the lamp and closes the door firmly behind them with his heart in his throat, and Sam opens his mouth and Dean shakes his head and Sam looks at the closed door and then turns away, his shoulders high and stiff, and dumps his bags on the further bed, and unzips the supply bag and picks up the salt.

Heavy pour at the line of the doorway and under the gross pink polyester curtain. Dean wants to toss it up into the vent in the bathroom but that's probably overkill. "Van Ness house gave me the creeps, what can I say," he says, to Sam, loud enough maybe to be heard on the sidewalk outside.

Sam blows out air. "You think they're stuck to your shoe?"

Dean licks his lips, checks his pockets. No flask—no, he checked, it's in the trunk, and now with salt heavy between them and what should be the past, that panic scrapes again at his gut. Sam lifts the EMF meter out of his bag, where it's been turned on, and there's not a blip, and Dean feels like all the tendons in his legs have dissolved when he drops onto the free bed, and he says, "What are we—Sam, we—"

How long has it been? Sam shakes his head but Dean knows he's thinking the same thing. Since that godawful day in the hospital, since they burned the bones, the blood-stained hat, and they'd gone back to the abandoned shitty house they'd squatted in and stared in at its grey wreck with dry eyes and they'd—fucked, that night, miserable and not even enjoying it but doing something that was other than death, that stupid instinctive defiance against the night that they'd perfected over all these years of tragedy, and Dean had—he'd filled the flask, after, with the sweat barely cooling on his shoulders, and sipped whiskey and swallowed with a mouth that still tasted like his brother, and it was—unthinkable. After all those years of secrets. On top of everything, this couldn't—they couldn't have—

Sam's dragging his thumb back and forth over his other palm, slowly. Hair hanging over his face. "Ghosts—they don't show up right away, right?" he says. He clenches his hands together, weird and cramped-looking. "And then once they form, it's because they've got—a goal. One thing they're focused on."

"Revenge," Dean says, and Sam looks up at him, and nods. No panic on his face, at least. Even the vague sickness drained away. Dean watches Sam's hands, the clawing in his gut not—fixed, exactly, but not worse.

All these hard-fought years and he didn't—think about it. After all they'd gone through it was just part of the fabric of the world and he knew there was no changing it and he thinks, he's pretty sure at least, that Sam's in the same boat. They'd either keep sailing it or go down with the ship and that's just the way it was, and now—with everything they'd lost—there'd been this kind of… raw and horrible freedom. He hadn't thought about it that way until he'd looked up and seen the ghost and known, after the initial shock and the fear and the thinking-through what it meant, that the veil had been drawn back and not fully closed—had known that raw hot terror of what—being seen would mean. Hadn't felt that horror since his real father had died. And, now—

"Got me wishing for a real private foxhole," Dean says. Mostly evenly, he thinks.

Sam looks at the closed motel door behind Dean's back and takes a deep breath. "If we win here, we will win everywhere," he says, quiet, and it sounds like he's quoting something but Dean doesn't know what. But there's salt thick over every gap and a closed curtain and three parking spots between that flask and here, and so Dean leans forward and grabs Sam's clenched hands. Sam looks at him, surprised, but he lets Dean worm a thumb in between his palms and touch the scar.

"We're not crazy, at least," Dean says.

Sam snorts. "Yeah," he says, a little ironic but not as ironic as he could be. He grips Dean's wrist very tightly before he gets up, putting space between them, and shuts off the EMF reader.

[stormblessed95]

Can we now please skip over the "when you were free, you never called" thing, please?? That's already been discussed enough. Let's now please discuss JK's tone when he said "Finally". He sounded relieved... a bit melancholy... a bit of something something. This isn't talked enough :(

I genuinely want to know how some of you guys decide to send in asks and to whom. I know so many of you probably mass send them out in an effort to, idk, reach as many people as possible? Higher chances of getting posted?

Anon, this also isn't just you, you just drew the unlucky straw for my rant. Sorry. Your ask is also "almost" but not quite a copy/paste of the post I made not even a full day ago.

I specifically requested everyone to stop sending me asks about the car conversation because when I was no longer sick and my brain worked more coherently, I would put together a longer form post addressing it for everyone. And yet since then, I've gotten like 18 different asks referencing the car conversation. Half of them saying "yeah, can't we just let it go because XYZ opinions"

Okay great. I'm glad you agree with me I guess but you still aren't listening and honoring my request. So low-key, it still feels really rude. So now I have to sit here and hope that maybe my followers aren't actually rude and forget I am a whole person behind this account where making demands for content isn't super nice, especially when said content was already said to be coming, just later on. But instead they just.... Idk, don't actually read my posts and just send in asks without reading anything because why bother? Idk. Feeling entitled to my time without giving me yours through reading my opinions about a subject first feels less rude in some ways than just not giving a shit about what I say. Lol 🙃

And I KNOW I make a ton of posts, especially lately with AYS and trying to keep up with at least most of the asks I get, I've been much more active on here than I have been otherwise in the past year. So I often try to give the benefit of the doubt. But honestly.

Idk, maybe I'm just extra cranky because I feel like absolute dog shit, I'm sick, trying to take care of my family, get ready for back to school, get ready to start working, and take care of myself too... But it feels a little disrespectful and it doesn't make me want to actually make more posts or answer asks.

And all of this is a general you, not directed at anyone in particular. I'm just.... Venting. This is why I kept turning my anons off occasionally in the past...

Thanks

[someone1348]

Low-key vent/tk post (don't repost)

Tw: feathers mentioned

Backstory: Basically, there's a shop downtown in my area that sells all sorts of things, it's really cool and really pretty in there! But I bought myself some feathers from there (I have like 4 now) a long time ago, I don't go often because it's a little out the way from my house, my point is! I've only tried running it over my skin once and found out just how ticklish it really is! But I had a really bad day today that ended in a mini panic attack, so I just tried doing that again since everyone is asleep thinking it would be a good distraction and it's such a crazy feeling! But it's helping a little I guess, it's just wild and I wanted to mention it because I can't talk about tk stuff anywhere else but here! I really just need to calm down so I put on lofi calming music and I've grabbed a feather! Haha🪶 this is amazing and kinda embarrassing but I know ya'll will understand! 🫣

This is the one of choice today, it was the closest one too me in my drawer! This white and black one I have is my favorite but they're all real and very cool to me! :]

Also peep the penguin pants! 🥰

[kowwpow]

ik I don’t normally talk abt stuff like this, but it’s been really weighing me down a lot. This is a major vent(rlly bad and prob rlly triggering) and I’m talking to no one in particular, just in general. I would encourage ppl not to say anything abt it or just not read it at all bc I’m mostly just typing what I cannot say out loud.

Okay, so the presidential election is this year. Yeah, I’ve heard abt project 2025 😐 I’ve read about it. And I want to scream. How has trump managed to make something that infinitely worse than Kosa(imo)

because holy fuck, I know this is not what I should be focusing on and it’s low-key selfish, but reversing women’s rights?! I’m not 100% sure what that entails, but I’ve seen a screenshot of the actual legitimate document saying that the only “valid family” is with a working husband and a stay-at-home wife.

Do you not understand how frustrating it is to have the ability to do whatever you want with your life dangled in front of you for your entire life, and be told you could be whoever you want to be, just for it to very possibly be ripped away from you right as you get close to adulthood.

Everything about this is so horrendous?!

I already wished I lived anywhere but the us, but it’s so much worse now.

If Trump becomes president again, and if this project gets put into place, would I even be able to leave the country??! Would I be allowed to live in another country, or would I be forced to stay here, miserable.

like, in all seriousness, completely 100% genuine right now. I might actually just kill myself if and when I get to adulthood if this happens, and if I am forced into a life I don’t want. I’m already suicidal, and the thought that I won’t get to experience life as I told I would be able to would absolutely crush me and would probably be the final straw tbh.

It feels like I’m being toyed with, why are some(<- important, i know good Christians) Christians so fucking entitled and cruel and just horrible. This is going to drive people AWAY from your religion, it’s going to make people hate it! Why does trump think he gets to shove all of his beliefs onto everyone else and force everyone to comply. I don’t want to be a stay at home mom, hell, I don’t think I want to be a mom, period!!

I thought we stepped away from all the toxic stuff before lgbt and women’s rights. But no, apparently not.

I am actually raging and crying over this, you cannot do this to me! Or anyone! It’s not fair!!

I hate this place, I don’t want to be here anymore, genuinely :(

likely will take this down later, but I desperately needed to get this off my chest bc idk if I can trust my dad enough to talk abt it. Bc my family is super religious and I’m guessing my dad is a trump supporter. God, I hope not.