#love when my mutuals interact with me
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GET TO KNOW ME...
Thank you for tagging me, @rowdyluv (also I am so sorry for being a piece of shit and letting this get lost in my notifications because I told myself "I'll do this when I get home..")
LAST SONG LISTENED TO: Save you a seat - Alex Warron
LAST MOVIE WATCHED: Pitch Perfect (I actually didn't finish because the devils game was starting 🤣) So.. The Grinch (2018) at work or National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (all time favorite Christmas movie)
CURRENTLY WATCHING: Honestly... I can't think of a show that I am currently watching, I am excited for Season 4 of Ted Lasso, and I do like the show Shrinkage but I haven't watched the new season yet. I have a bunch of random comfort shows - Friends, Modern Family, The Office - that can be found on my t.v in the background.
CURRENTLY READING: The last book, I finished about a month ago was "A Little Life" and I haven't picked anything up since. I think I am still mourning that I had to say goodbye to those characters. But I am known for reading a 300 page book in like a day and a half if I wanted so I'm sure I will read a book on the plane this week.
CURRENTLY OBSESSED WITH: hockey (obvious), I go down random rabbit holes of hobbies and things I am obsessed with and then never think about them again, which is probably why I know a ton of random useless facts no one cares about. In fact, everyone who knows me irl is shocked I am still into hockey. My most recent rabbit hole like many people was my boy Luigi from my homes state!
TAGGING: @aleskie-hischier (if you haven't done it yet.) and anyone else who wants to. I know this trend was going around weeks ago and I am very late because I forgot it excised.
#get to know me challenge#love when my mutuals interact with me#even if it takes me almost a month to respond#I am truly truly sorry Cay! I will try to be better
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#felt like i needed to make this after some interactions today#i did this with burning text generator!#my overall tumblr experience has been amazing after 6 months of radio silence#this is directed at everyone who's mutuals with me. even if we are not in the same fandoms anymore or have anything in common#i still love you and get happy when i see you post/ramble about topics that are interesting to you#just fyi if we are mutuals i actively think about you with your pfp and username in mind at least once a day#<<< past rice being based with this tag#mutual appreciation#:-)
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this is somewhat of a vent post & something i said i would not do again but has been plaguing me enough that i think getting it out might feel better. so. has anydoggy else been. Baffled and upset by nora sakavic’s refusal to speak on how terribly aftg has treated its characters of color? with the author of the series coming back with a new book and starting up on her online activity again, and questions of what she’d change about aftg bubbling up, it’s particularly glaring to me that we are all playing this very long game of pretend where we ignore how badly the non-white cast has been treated & her lack of thoughts on it
and i understand not wanting to bring up nicky and thea because people pick on her for it. i’m not trying to discredit nora sakavic’s terrible history of getting harrassed online by aftg fans. but i think it is very cynical, and it is very juvenile, and most of all very cruel, that she gets to ignore the very real ways the books have set up these characters to be hated. i think it’s obvious why the characters who get the most hate are the only canonical characters of color, and i think we do not get to treat this like a deliberate decision on the fandom’s part when the books have put these same characters in degrading and embarrassing and terrible positions in the first place. aftg is not a story about nice characters with clean pasts, but there is a very specific nastiness to the only characters of color being a brown man who sexually harasses and later assaults the main character, a black woman whose only scene is her lashing out at her love interest after being ignored for the first two books, and the japanese villain who gets maybe two lines of complexity before he goes back to being a terrible person. the white cast, in comparison, while not at all free from flaws, are never shown to commit mindless evil; all of their actions are ultimately justified. the book goes out of its way to give them concession after concession. we know exactly who to side with, because aftg tells us who these people are. does nicky’s assault ever get addressed in the books? does riko’s reasoning to be the way that he is ever gets more than briefly aluded to? is thea reserved even a shred of humanity or grace in her one scene?
anyway. it’s been years of talking about this and the fandom has been constantly hostile to criticism in this regard, and more recently any criticism at all, and it’s Grating to be on the other side of this discussion. it’s exhausting to know that in ten years we do not get even an acknowledgment besides the author saying she will not answer questions about nicky and thea anymore. it’s upsetting and it’s ugly and i wish no one had to talk about this again, but we do because what i thought was common sense has been washed away by a sudden influx of no-nuance adoration for the trilogy. basically i hope we all explode
#this has been so upsetting to notice but 🥹whatever#there is a different kind of bitterness to thinking about how ten years have passed#and we are getting new content that changes and maybe even rectifies many of the ways we see and interact w aftg#and none of it not a bit of it addresses the racism#how it’s been ten years and the only thing we really get to show it is a book about a ship between two white men the fandom came up with#after seeing them be Suggested to interact in canon#i understand not wanting to hurt nora sakavics feelings by asking her about this#but imagine how tired we are. Imagine how tired we are#do you know how bad it feels to read through nicky’s worst moments in aftg#and know that he was written this way because he looks like me?#do you understand how exhausting it all is. can you imagine?#the fandom has been so quick to undo the criticism fans of colors have been making since day one#and for what. for what! my doves. for what?#have we come out of it any greater? have we done anything but lie to ourselves?#and anyway this is not some mindless pessimism#this is not me telling you that aftg is bad and you cant love it; cant have it mean anything to you#this is me saying that when we acknowledge these things it makes us better readers and better people#nora sakavic if you are reading this from whatever hellhole america you find yourself in#grabs you by the shoulders. This is not the end#this is not something to sit back and feel bad about#you have opened the floodgates of hell with tsc. kick the door in and release a revised version of aftg#there is a real material way for you to make this better. it is possible and it will not kill you#i would read a revised aftg. my mutuals would. many many many many fans would#making mistakes is not just a human right its a human inevitability#but we do not have to let ourselves get defined by them. We can do hard things#lets go of nora sakavics shoulders. anyway. where were we#aftg#txt#tsc
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what if because dust and horror wouldn't wanna be called anything aside from sans in a multiverse context and they were both good buddies they both just start calling eachother sans. i'm sans (dust) and i'm sans (horror) ahh duo
becaaause horror in his eye(s) still sees himself as sans!! he's sans!! who else is he SUPPOSED to be god 😒😒 stop attatching this stupid fake name onto him that just points out all his shortcomings in his au and also just dehumanizes him (because i get that aus are named after a key trait of something but COME ON the guy's name is HORROR it's like naming a poor person "brokie" or something,,,). horror is PROUDLY sans smh
and dust ALSO sees himself as sans!!! like,,, granted he's definitely not a better sans than he was before considering everything he did (but he still doesn't like his past self's inaction) but he's STILL SANS. nothing about him changed (really?) enough to warrant the whole identity shift. like dude dont discredit him DONT DENY HIS WHOLE LIFE!!! he IS sans no matter what,,, dust doesnt wanna think about what he became if he's not sans now anyways lul :3
now could they fight over the right to the identity of sans??? possibly,,, but also consider this: there are literally infinite numbers of sanses in the multiverse. at some point the shiny title of Sans would be something horror and dust are used to around the multiverse!!! so why fight over the name (that so many others share already so its not exactly exclusive) when they can just decide to make each other feel better!!! be delusional TOGETHER 🤞
#because a certain mutual of mine's post reminded me that this draft of mine existed#ironic how this whole post is about dust and horror wanted to be called sans. and i call them dust and horror the entire time#killer would be having the WORST DAY OF HIS LIFE being around them#SANS THIS SANS THAT HOW ABOUT YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! YOURE HORROR YOURE DUST AND NEITHER OF YOU ARE SANS!!! NONE OF US ARE#ohhh my god this gave me ANOTHER idea.... horror and dust's pride in being sans bothering killer..... hahahshehahageh i like that idea#what's with me and horrordust but theyre using eachother to cope with the fact that they hate their current lives so they pretend to go bac#let's see if untitled29876011111 will approve of this mtt take after they wake up....... :3#this must be like the 7th hc ive made about dust and horror trying to remain as sans together#i think its really an interesting thing to me how they both are the furthest thing from sand undertale but they still believe it so firmly#its kinda like the opposite of killer and his want to be seperate from sans#because (and dont shoot me if im wrong) killer doesnt wanna be sans because he doesnt wanna believe he could've possibly made the decision#to do whatever the hell it is for chara as who he used to think he was. doesnt wanna believe that he's still the same guy when he's been#changed against his will SO much that even he cant recognize himself. and then for dust and horror#they still wanna be sans because for the opposite but same reason???? like#dont wanna accept they they've changed that much so they cling onto the old identity. i love trio parallels#i love continuation group i'm SO glad theyre continuation group. there are other continuations but THEY are continuation group#every single little detail about them can be connected to each other...... and they barely even know each other in canon ✨✨✨✨#the characters are SO perfect together even though theyre not even from the same character or have interactions#how is it possible that 3 characters from 3 seperate creators with none/barely any canon interactions w eachother#just manage to work SO WELL TOGETHER!!!! THEY HAVE SO MSNY CONNECTIONS AND GREAT DYNAMICS AND PARALLRLS OAUGHHHH I LOVE THE MTT!!!! MY TRIO#i wasn't totally inspired by the silly sans 1 and sans 2 thing i put into my fic noooo. ok maybe i was :3#this is 500% gonna be a flop post but whatever i post for myself and the 1 person i know will 1000% see it now ✨✨✨ freedom ✨✨✨✨✨#tricule hc#killer sans#killer's not here in post but he's mentioned in tags. for today this is okay#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#utmv#sans au
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They're soulmates in every single universe and I miss them at the most random times.
#my characters#haha funny thing is that venus doesnt even exist in base plot she is ONLY for AUs#in base plot ego the ginger guy is a prince and serenity the navy haired guy is an energy alien#and serenity takes on the form of a human to be fake engaged to ego and its never meant to actually end up with them married#but serenity falls in love with the prince and feels immense guilt when they meet up#and then ego is like HAHA YEAH my life is the greatest cause i get to marry my best friend but technically youre best friend by default#since i have zero other friends because i cannot leave the castle which kinda sucks but whatever#and serenity can give his life force to others to keep them healthy and usually stops by to heal egos younger brother#so he looks tired a lot bc he is depleting his own life to help others#and and in au versions hes just chronically tired and very much in love with ego who is completely oblivious#and half the time they (bc theyre mine) are pining mutually thinking ahaha theres no WAY hed like me#or in egos case a lot of the time in the au its what if he only likes me cause i spoil him rotten bc im super wealthy and i love gifting#and serenity ! in base plot since he is an alien from like... space.... basically... another realm#he resides with another royal family in a different kingdom and the king there treats him like a son#which plays into the au versions where serenity is adopted and he just really loves his dad a lot#like really admires the man who adopted him and raised him as a single father who almost always has a connection to egos dad since#in base theyre just two kings being buddies and trying to get good relations between their kingdoms#but anyway ego is one of the few ocs i have that will actively say#I LOVE YOU SO MUCH : D very openly and i love that for him??#not a lot of my ocs will be that open about their feelings but ego is very good at communication and talking and stuff#compared to serenity who is an alien who doesnt even have to talk where he originated bc the aliens are just blue energy blobs#and they sense each other and communicate silently#so making him take a human form is like MMMM not sure how to interact like a normal human tbh#i owe art to one person then i am able to get back to indulgent stuff for me and reqs and stuff#this was just so i had something to post today since idk if the art i owe someone will be cool to post or not
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okay but can we talk about how ???? Lucius is with Edward? Like this man is a freak I can’t hold it in anymore. How did one episode make a man get revealed as a fucking freak in a way.
Ed has both gassed up a entire group of cops which made them fear about a poison threat he made up, held Lucius’s coworker hostage dangling over a flight of stairs, admitted to having something to do with their missing mayor via omission (not responding at all when Lucius asked him about it) broke into Lucius’s car and pointed a gun at him once Lucius got in ALL IN THE SAME DAY AND HE DOESN'T FREAK OUT ONCE???? He doesn’t freak out at all with Edward. Never once does he freak out. He stays level headed, empathetic and genuinely caring about Edward’s mental state while talking to him???? The way he’s so level headed here feels like he has a fucking screw loose in his cranium. Literally how.
Mind you Ed is a man who his first interaction with was ED ADMITTING HE HAD A MISSING COP IN HIS HOME VIA A RIDDLE. HIS SECOND INTERACTION WITH THIS MAN IS HIM MAKING HIM ANSWER FUCKING RIDDLES IN ARKHAM OR ELSE HE WILL KILL THEM BOTH WITH POISON. I KNOW HE WAS BLUFFING ABOUT THE POISON HERE AGAIN BUT GENUINELY HOW IS HE ALWAYS LEVEL HEADED WITH THIS MAN. FREAK BEHAVIOR!!!!
Also him acting like this strengthens the fact the only riddle he got right was reflection. He understands at least some part of Ed. Even though that part is small and fuzzy in his understanding, it’s still something. It’s still something that he can empathize with. Something that is worth trying to understand more of even despite their brief encounters. God do I love his weird push over ways with Ed it’s so fucking fun I wish they interacted more. This is horrific for me
#rambles#gotham#gotham fox#gotham 2014#edward nygma#lucius fox#foxma#Riddlefox#Nygmafox#lunar over analyzes two characters who barely interact with eachother for a ship post. Fork found in kitchen#I’m in a heavy explaining details I love in very fucking minor ships recently alright#I’m shocked I haven’t gotten this detailed with them before so now I gotta change that. I can’t keep holding onto my shipping thoughts that#I only let go of in fucking conversations with my mutuals in DMs. Yall gotta hear my fuckass thoughts more actually#ALSO I AM A FIRM AUTISM HAVER LUCIUS BELIEVER. IT MAKES SENSE WITH THE FUCKING REFLECTION RIDDLE NARRATIVELY#LET ME READ TOO DEEP INTO A DYNAMIC TWO CHARACTERS WHO ONLY INTERACTED FOR EACHOTHER 20 MINUTES MAX IN THE WHOLE SHOW OKAY#MY BLOG MY RULES#also I do know he technically threatened Ed in season three when it came to Ed going to the gcpd to help Oswald and his mothers statue#but like. That wasn’t fucking agitated at all. He said that calmly. To a man who has commited many crimes and used to stay at Arkham. How#why is he never truly unsettled heavily by this man it’s so funny why is he chill and even PLAYFUL WHEN THREATENING HIM????#they deserved to interact more!!!! Free me!!!!!#Character study#I guess. This is a heavily undeveloped Gotham side character lmfaoooooo
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how i scroll tumblr knowing that i'm too nerv to interact with half my mutuals
#sabs posts!#some of u guys r scary#not in a bad way bc i can tell ur really friendly#but it's still a bit intimidating interacting with other writers#bc i look up to a lot of u !#i'm pretty selective about who i follow now#so if i do follow u then that means i think you're a cool person and/or a good writer#but i'm always a little nerv to interact with the ppl who i think r the best writers on tumblr#even if we're mutuals#so i just end up liking all ur textposts when they show up on dash instead........#i guess that's my love language#so if u see me in ur textpost notes#assume that i'm waving hi at u from across tumblr 🤞
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every writer who said writing for yourself in the sense of not giving a shit about anything other than your writing and posting content for fun and replying to friends and mutuals or the two readers who actually comment on your stuff and hype you up, were so right. because once you become a little bit selfish as a writer and only give attention to those give attention to you, being on here is so fun!
#like even as a ‘big’ account to some people i barely get rbs on anything i post#and if it’s part of a fandom ppl don’t follow me for it’s like non existent#but i stopped caring about notes a long time ago and just focused on the main constant readers i have#because that’s what matters to me#the readers who interact with me and the mutuals who hype me up#if someone is too ‘good’ to show love on my work then i’m not going to give them space in my brain#i’ve curated this space of love and enjoyment and it’s going to stay that way#i write what i love post it interact on it when or if someone else does and then i never look at the notes#it’s such a peace of mind and i actually love it on here wow#here laur goes again..
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People who genuinely believe all asexuals are sex repulsed and can't even stand to think about the act are frustrating but also funny because bro who do you think is writing your well written 30k kinktober fic that leaves you gobsmacked because of how explicit it is lmao, anyways happy October 3rd yall and god bless the many many aces who write fanfiction
#like obviously that type of asexual exists#but the way *SOME* of yall cover your ears when anyone brings up the large amount of aces who interact with sex to some degree#makes me want to bash my head in#AGAIN SOME not all#my proof? my asexual mutual who posts naruto smut fics anonymously on ao3#aya if you're reading this love you queen#asexual#ao3#ao3 smut#kinktober#acespec#ace spectrum#asexual spectrum#this also goes for aro if you genuinely believe that every aro person is romance repulsed im gunna have to ask if you've ever talked to one#like even just one#this is coming from a romance repulsed possibly asexual btw#queer#ao3 fanfic#october 3rd#october
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ngl I think I give up on tumblr.
#like i mostly joined to meet people who enjoyed the same interests such as me#as I don't have that many irl#and while I have some amazing mutuals#it's just such a solitary experience as a writer#I get we are all busy but idk it feels very excluding#also don't let me get started on how my writing gets treated#I'll take myself somewhere else#I don't plan on writing any fanfics for the foreseeable future as I plan on focusing on other stuff#but if I do I'll probably only post ao3#much less effort#like today I got two lovely comments while I can't even remember when I last got a comment on tumblr#sorry for always complaining about this but i truly give up#I'll just use this to interact with the few writers I enjoy
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just going about my day idly contemplating how some of the ways hawke can interact with a romanced anders are not at all unlike how they interact with leandra (and a bit of carver too, especially with a purple hawke), and then thought about my hawke in the timeline where he romances anders and was hit straight in the face with 'was he ever actually in love, or was he just desperately trying to renegotiate with his mother's ghost in any way he could' and now i need to lie down. this is the power of dragon age 2
#'you don't know my mother' haunting me through the years#dragon age#dragon age 2#hawke#On second thought let's not go to Kirkwall; it is a silly place#there are of course as many ways to do/read that relationship as there are players to interact with it haha and all valid!#but my personal version of handers is sooo fucked up and bad times for everyone involved and I love it haha.#this is a relationship neither of them should have been in and that made everything worse and everyone unhappy in the end#locked tomb levels of the horrors of love. i ship it but in the way that I want to make it sadder and more gutwrenching each time#to be clear this is a very mutual two-way kind of fucked up but I think varric in his loyalty and love would downplay hawke's side of it#for huge swathes of their relationship anders is not in a mental place to be a good partner and the emotional blackmail is Not Okay#(but it's just like how mother used to make it! hawke's soul cries sadly as it reaches for it hungrily)#which is in some ways fair enough no one could accuse him of not warning you ahead of time fjskda#but hawke is messy about it in a way only available to a covert people pleaser who has never had a millisecond of therapy#with some added stuff that my hawke is always acespec in some form and when he gets together with anders...#is the sex something he doesn't particularly care to have or not have but it 'makes anders happy'/he longs to feel wanted *and* needed#and also a way he gets out of ever being *actually* vulnerable (which I think he'd had to be with varric for example if he Went There )#'you want the hawke who's in your head so badly and I kind of wish I were that hawke too. so let's be collaborateurs with that fantasy'#(and then maybe if I do it right every time you'll finally be happy hawke says in his heart looking at this leandra-anders phantom form)#(and echoing stuff in varric's relationship to hawke but I think the important distinction there is that varric -- is a craftsman haha#he KNOWS when he's lying/making up a story he KNOWS the difference between what is and what he wishes the world was#(I think there's some deep longing there to not know; for it to blend together or have the power to change things. but he always knows)#which ironically leaves him in a better position to actually see and understand hawke the person#even as he is creating hawke the literary figure. almost to protect him in some ways? god da2 is so full of STUFF!!! I adore it)#and of course anders gets so disillusioned with hawke's inertia and lack of action (you all but married this man anders!#you should know this about him he's already carrying the whole family and city on his shoulders if you add a gram more he'll collapse!)#and hawke feels so desperately hurt that the promise anders seemed to make that he'd be enough -- that he could fix things for him --#('I'm the one bright light in kirkwall and that apparently doesn't count for shit so I'm just slowly turning to ash for you')#turned out to be untrue. anyway. sad now. imagine them meeting like twenty years on what the fuck could you even say to each other then#(I can't imagine Hawke ever physically hurting anyone he loves so he just tells Anders to leave at the end of DA2. they COULD meet again
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#not sure how to tag this#philosophy#maybe#or#mental health#perhaps#emotions#mind body connection#self love#idk#I'll give it some thought#polls#tumblr polls#my polls#reblog for a bigger sample size#please#I'm very curious#my roommate and I were discussing why they like board games and I like more active games#like#corn hole#and#pool#for them it's because they don't like having to focus on spatial awareness#they don't like feeling connected to their body#I totally do#and tbh I prefer those types of games because I enjoy talking to people about their lives and things we mutually enjoy etc#when playing board games it makes me feel disconnected from the people around me#I don't feel like I've had a meaningful interaction with them afterwards#I don't know more about who they are or what they think about the world#it just feels empty
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I feel like being mutuals means so much less than everyone makes it seem
You literally just follow each other, that's it
Most of my mutuals probably don't even remember who I am after I stopped drawing for them
Edit: the rant in the tags is more about being annoyed with people who tell me they like my art and follow me, but that's it, no art support at all
#the tags are gonna be a bit of a vent bc I think about this a lot#maybe it's because most of my mutuals only ever interacted with my post when it was art for them#I don't get notifications that they liked my art but they tell me they like seeing my art#I see them reblogging bigger artists than me and it's a little discouraging in a way#they talk big about my art on discord before following me for emphasis#but then they never liked any of it#they sometimes reblog my reblogs#but that's it#it just feels gross to me to act like you support and love someone's art so so much and they're “cool” to you#but then it stops at just words in a server#actions speak louder than words#I don't want to sound entitled or spoiled#I just feel a little deceived that they said they like my stuff but I get no evidence of that#ofc I love seeing my mutuals that do like my stuff more than anything#I do have regulars that do support me and I try to support them as much as I can#but I can't help but feel weird trying to support someone who doesn't even look at what I do as they talk about liking it#They don't need to say any of that but they do and it feels like lies#ofc this is all so whiny and I know it's so stupid#I'm probably going to delete this later#I just wanted to say it finally#vent#tw vent#vent tw#vent posting
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Very rarely I'll (accidentally) find someone who's blocked me on pokemon tumblr, and realistically I know that they probably saw one of my posts too many times and just got sick of seeing it or I simply annoy them or whatever. But part of me really wants to believe that my pokemon anime opinions were just too much for someone. I want to believe that someone saw me say 'The absol scene needed better build-up to justify Drew talking to one of his pokemon like that, it goes against everything we've seen of him imo' or whatever and they just put a hand over their heart, wounded, and clicked the block button while cursing my family for several generations, past and future. I really want to think that I had a lukewarm enough drew opinion that someone blocked me about it
#another option is that I interacted with someone that we're all supposed to be mad at and I didn't know or care about it tbh.#I remember early on in my blog I got an anon that was like#'your mutual stole a fic idea from this other person' and it's like. hm. okay.#1.) too vague. You didn't tell me who it was on either side. just 'my mutual'. What do you expect me to do with this information?#2) this sounds like personal drama that I have no reason to know about. Why would I ostracize someone for something that doesn't involve me#3.) what do you mean by 'stealing'? because the nature of fanfiction centers around derivation.#every writer is stealing to some extent and I'm very big on benefit of the doubt when it comes to that kind of thing.#4.) you being on anon means you're not willing to put your reputation on the statement. so why should I take it seriously if you can't?#5.) I have like 200 mutuals. 75% chance this is about someone I've spoken to twice.#I don't really have a point I guess. just feels like a fun anecdote to share now that the statute of limitations has hopefully expired#my asks are usually great. I love you anons!!! but there have been a couple of ones that make for fun stories lol
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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my mutuals are not just mutuals to me they are the most awesome cool people I’ve ever met and I think they should have a nice day I love you homies
#certified loser talks#lol#idk man#I LOVE YOU MUTUALS#mutuals#i love you guys#some of my fav people#me when you guys interact with me: 😋😋😋🤯🤯🤯🤭🤭🤭
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