#love giving my boys internalized issues they have no way of understanding

[smolbeandrabbles]

Me, reading this fic:

I ran out of tags! 🥲 It’s been so fun to read your work! 🥰 Especially of the certified Best Boy™️

I can’t wait to read more 💚

Dance with me? (Roronoa Zoro x f!reader)

Summary: you try to convince Zoro to dance to a slow song with you.

A/n: okay so i love dancing. And i love Zoro. So i thought: why not have Zoro dancing?! And then this idea came out 🤣 it's kinda short, just cause i wanted to write down this scenario ajskajakja i hope you like it though 🩷 this was slightly inspired by Selena Gomez's Body Heat. This song isn't as slow as the song i imagine them dancing to in the fic but the lyrics fit sooo well 🤭 also let's pretend there's a band playing at the Baratie lmaooo

Warnings: drinking, swearing, maybe ooc Zoro (i just had to get this man dancing yk ajskajksja)

"We're connected by the sun

And all of the stars above

You melt me and my body feels no shame

And I don't care tonight

If it burns too bright

'Cause, baby, that's why I came"

You were at the Baratie celebrating after very a successful mission!

Luffy and Usopp were inside eating as much as they could (like always lol) and you were outside watching the band play and the people dance.

Sitting with you and sharing drinks, there were your best friend Nami and your crush Roronoa Zoro.

Yep, you were crushing on the moss haired swordsman ever since you joined the straw hats.

You thought about confessing to him several times, but you were really afraid of being rejected and making things awkward at the Going Merry. No, you couldn't risk that, not when you loved your crew that much.

What you didn't know is that the pretty swordsman felt exactly the same, even though he tried to fight that feeling everytime you flashed your beautiful smile at him.

yeah two idiots secretly in love with each other oh well ajskajskaj

The three of you were just relaxing and drinking when the band started playing one of your favorite songs. It was a slow and romantic song that touched deep into your heart.

- oh my gosh, i love this song - you closed your eyes and started swaying to the beat. It felt wonderful.

You weren't sure if it was the alcohol making you brave or if you just couldn't stand hiding your feelings anymore, but you turned to face Zoro and you were so certain of what you were saying even he was a bit surprised.

- come on, dance with me - you said, very sure of your words.

- what? No. I don't do "dancing", (Y/N). - Zoro replied, crossing his arms and looking away, knowing very well that if he kept looking at your beautiful eyes he was going to give in at some point.

- please, it's just one song... i can lead you - you said almost pleading.

You approached him and put your small hand on his strong arm (yep, the alcohol definitely was making you brave). That's when he couldn't resist anymore and turned to look at you.

- please, Zoro... for me?

The way you said that and tilted your head slightly to the side made Zoro feel something deep inside of him he never had felt before. How could he say no to you?

He rolled his eyes:

- okay, okay... but just one song. Make it quick.

You were so happy you nearly jumped out of your seat.

- yay!! It'll be short, i promise. Let's go! - you said clapping and happily standing up.

He got up too and you grabbed his hand to lead him to the dance area. Yes, you just grabbed the Roronoa Zoro's hand and pulled him with you. Maybe it weren't the drinks, maybe you were just really determined to be with him ajskajskaj

When you got there, you started giving him the directions.

- okay, you have to put your hands here - you grabbed both his hands and placed them on your waist. The touch was so soft and intimate it made your whole skin tingle - and i go here - you placed your arms around his neck.

You could feel he was still a bit suspicious about the whole thing for how tense his muscles felt, but you decided you were going to make that a good time for both of you.

- hey, you're tense - you said softly - just... relax, okay? I know it may seem scary but dancing is supposed to be fun. You don't have to be a pro to enjoy it, just... feel it. It's just you and I having a good time together. No pressure at all.

Little did you know Zoro wasn't feeling nervous because of the dancing. Well, maybe a bit (he had never done that before ajskajskaj), but it wasn't the main reason.

He was nervous for being that close to you. God knows what he could do being so close to the girl he had been crushing on for so long.

You ran your hands through his shoulders and arms, trying to calm him down and feeling his strong muscles slowly relaxing under your touch.

- now you just focus on the beat and move along. When i move right, you move right. When i go back, you go forward. Just... feel it and enjoy - you said kindly and you started moving with the song.

You both moved smoothly through the dance floor and it felt amazing.

- see, it's not that hard. I'm sure you've faced bigger challenges than this one, pirate hunter - you emphasized these two words in a mocking way.

That made him chuckle and look down, feeling a bit shy.

Yes! You made him laugh 🤩 you loved knowing you were the one to create such cute sight.

On the other hand: fuck, you made him laugh 💀 everytime he smiled it made you weak on your knees and you couldn't even think straight.

That's when you closed your eyes and rested your head on his chest, while you both just moved along to the beat. It was such a blissful moment, dancing to a song you loved and sharing it with a person you loved too.

Being there with him, enjoying the beat, feeling safe in Zoro's arms... you felt like you could live in that moment forever.

When you lifted your head and looked into his eyes again, it was like the rest of the world disappeared. There was just the two of you, holding each other and sharing loving looks.

You were so close and you could feel his eyes staring at your lips. You took that as a sign.

You cupped his cheek and slowly went in for a kiss.

Was that really happening?! You wanted to pinch yourself to check if all of that wasn't actually another delulu dream of yours.

But it was real. You could feel it.

The kiss was soft and sweet, but also full of emotion.

When you parted you were blushing madly so you just hid your face on his chest again and went back to dancing. This time you could feel he laid his head on top of yours too and that made your heart so warm. And that's because you didn't know he was enjoying it so much he had his eyes closed too, or else you would have exploded.

You knew at some point later you and Zoro would have to discuss feelings and stuff, but at that moment all that mattered was enjoying now.

You stayed like that for another few seconds until the song ended and everyone started clapping at the band. You and Zoro parted and smiled at each other. crap there was that pretty smile again

- see, you nailed it! - you said playfully punching him - thank you for coming with me, it was so nice. And i kept my promise, short and quick - you chuckled.

- yeah... now i kinda wish it lasted longer though - he said trying to look away to hide the small blush that was on his cheeks. Now besides smiling!Zoro, you also had him blushing?! It was definitely a dream.

You hooked your arm in his and led him out the dance area.

When you were going back to your seats, you saw Nami staring at you with a smug face. Damn, was she watching the whole thing?! Prepare for teasing in 3, 2...

- what a show, huh? - Nami said smirking and raising her eyebrows.

- shut up, Nami - Zoro said nonchalantly as he sat down and crossed his arms again, with that "100% done" face of his to try to hide the faint blush that was still on his cheeks.

You just chuckled and sat down for another drink, still feeling the bliss of that amazing moment you had just lived.

And you know what, the night was just beginning. Who knows what else could happen 😉

"Let's go all night

Just you and me

If you're the flame, I'm kerosene"

[xythlia]

𓏲 ࣪₊ ʟᴏꜱɪɴ' ᴄᴏɴᴛʀᴏʟ ᴘᴛ. 2

♡⃕ ࣪ nsfw. minors do not interact. ⸝⸝ fem reader, oral (f receiving), fingering, intimacy, clit kissing, big dick beel, sorta unhinged asmo, praise, body worship, nipple pinching

♡⃕ ࣪ ft. satan, asmo, beel, belphie

a/n | this is part two of my earlier hcs! sorry for the slight delay i had some personal issues but no worries, im as horny as ever & ready to deliver more on the boys losing their minds being inside some pussy

feedback / rbs are appreciated ♡

› 𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐍

It's the sheer intimacy that makes him unravel first, being this close to someone was at one point purely a pipe dream to him. That alone makes his waterline burn, but it's a step further to know you love him enough to be like this together. Satan can't help but lace your fingers together after lining up the head of his cock with your soaked entrance, gasping against the side of your neck as he feels the slide of your fluttering walls.

As your hips nearly meet you stay like that for a while, simply basking in the feel of one another before his hips move. He's so gentle with you, reveling in every cry and gasp of his name off your lips as one of his hands moves down to circle a firm rhythm against your clit.

He has no concerns with longevity, he'll make you cum again, and again, and again just so long as you keep digging your nails into his shoulders and whimpering so sweetly for him.

› 𝐀𝐒𝐌𝐎

While he isn't unfamiliar with human experiences, he is unfamiliar with you and it only adds to the excitement. Asmo kisses your skin with bated breath, lavishing every inch before finally placing coyly chaste kisses against your clit. He loves the way your thigh muscles jump at the contact, and the taste of you is beyond anything his imagination could've conjured.

He toys with you for a while before even considering taking you fully, and while you could call him mean for it you can't force the words out between wave after wave of orgasm washing over your mind. He wants you languid and boneless before finally teasing your cunt with the head of his cock, thumb pressing down until he slips into you with an internal pop.

Watching your head press back against the silken pillows as each inch pushes against your now lax muscles is everything he's ever wanted. You're not leaving his bed until he devours you and the only thought in your adorable head is of him.

› 𝐁𝐄𝐄𝐋

He's a considerate lover, unselfish when it comes to you and when you're in his bed it's no different. Beel's always conscious of just how wide the gap is between you two in terms of strength, he handles you like you're made of glass. But he doesn't mind working within that constraint, hurting you would be akin to harming himself and that's not something he'd ever do.

The soft squelch of his fingers pumping and scissoring inside you has filled the air for hours now, leaving you a mess above him just begging and babbling for him with an equal mess of arousal and spit pooling on the surface of the sheets. He's confident that you can take him comfortably now, climbing to situate himself between your legs with a sweet smile. Soft kisses are pressed to your lips while he tells you how lovely you are, how much you mean to him. He also does it to ground you, give you his voice to focus on when the stretch from just the head of his cock makes tears gather in your waterline.

He kisses them away, whispered praise joining the sinfully wet sound of his cock sliding inside you as you babble that you love him, need him, and how he makes you feel fuller than you ever have before.

› 𝐁𝐄𝐋𝐏𝐇𝐈𝐄

His penchant for sharp words doesn't fall away when you're tangled up in his sheets though he makes an effort to use sweeter words with you. He feels guilty about it occasionally, but being sharp tongued is a necessary buffer against vulnerability for Belphie. He's just grateful you understand better than anyone else, and his efforts in bed are his thanks to you. With your fingers gripping his forearm that's clutching your sideways form against him and his other hand firmly keeping your leg raised he whispers against the shell of your ear.

He pokes fun at the way you gasp feeling his cock sliding between your soaked folds, pinching your nipples and drinking in the way you cry as he presses inside you, pushing past the tight muscles. It makes him dizzy every time, not that he'd ever admit it. Once he's inside you he loses all inhibition, harshly whispering praise against your skin and sliding two fingers inside your mouth as his hips snap against you.

He is the wire doll to your cloth doll, and every time you gurgle his name from around his fingers his heart swells. You're his and every day you wrap more of that soft cloth around his barbed wire, and he's truly in love with you for it.

[moonystoes]

New girl? - Elisa De Almeida x popular!reader (high school students)

Here is : Part 2

Summary: When Elisa joins your school, it was difficult for you to behave your normal 'sweet' self around her....but why? This explains it lol.

A/n: I've already said this before, but I am new to writing, so constructive criticism is needed!! I already have two parts that need to be finished. Also, I saw a photo of elisa when she was 14 and she literally looked 10?? I can't even joke about this because I have the same issue where people think im 13 lol.

Warning: internalized homophobia!!, cringe...it's 2012 and the characters are 14 yall, no romance yet... its a slowburn series so im sorry. I'm laughing at y/n and yall should too. It's giving Wattpad but it's okay because it's nostalgic (i want to cry). Fleur (elisa's gf but we'll pretend that they're friends here😭🙏) and Marie (katoto) were mentioned... if you didn't know, they were in the same football academy when they were young.

This is a FANfiction, please do NOT view (young) Elisa that way.

wc: 5.504k

Since you joined Jean-Antoine School, you became the person to help out the new students, giving them the tour around. And as a result, teachers and students liked you, even the ones that never had you. At first, you liked the attention, but now it feels like a chore to please the teachers that have high expectations of you.

So right when the first day of school started, you were immediately asked to the office. As you walked to your principal's room, you stood at the closed door to wait for the student inside to finish. Filled with anxiety, you hoped the new student would be nice.

"Oh, no I'm sure she's busy with something, you can ask Fleur or Marie, I know them so it wouldn't be awkward." You heard a desperate voice, assuming it is from the new student. She clearly didn't want to meet someone new, which is understandable for you. But how does she know Fleur and Katoto?

"I understand Ms. De Almeida, but your friends wouldn't show you the school, they would just talk and distract you. Besides, y/n is very lovely and would help you a lot. I heard only great things about her." Mrs. Sommers argued back. You tried to sneak a peek, trying to glance at ‘De almeida’. But the door was closed shut, and there were no windows on the wooden door whatsoever.

Awkwardly standing there, you tapped the ground with your foot waiting for her to come out. When the door was opened, you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. Is this her brother, is she still in the room? Your eyes quickly glanced inside the office, only to hear a familiar voice.

"Umm... are you y/n?" De Almeida asked, you glanced from the office back to the... person next to you. You smiled kindly and nodded, "this is my schedule, she told me you'll show me around." Her husky voice hit you like a slap. Oh, okay... what the fuck is this.

You glanced at her schedule that is now in your shaky hands, realizing that she's in your grade and shares almost every class with you. You glanced to see her name, Élisa… What a cute name, it must be weird to have such a girly name just for her to look like a guy. You looked back at elisa, smiling shyly, “we share almost every class so I can definitely help you around the whole day if you want.”

Elisa felt at ease when she first saw you. She knew that shocked face, it happens to her everyday. In fact, it happened to her just a week ago with Mrs. Sommers when she joined the school and had to come early for testing. It was always a face of slight confusion when they realized Elisa is a girl and not a boy. Her brother, Alex, had told her that when she grows older it will get easier, but it didn’t seem that way. She didn't feel offended, but what bothers her is when people treat her differently when they realize she's a girl. When she saw you smile at her, her anxiety slowly disappeared. And now she's filled with excitement in reuniting with her friends, and updating them about her trip to Portugal in the summer.

“Thanks for offering, but I'd probably just have my friends do it.” She tried to kindly decline your offer without offending you.

“Yeah, okay!” You turned your body towards the office exit, your curious mind is still confused on how she has friends in the school, but you didn't feel like invading her privacy.

You always went to school 30 minutes earlier than most students, so this allowed Elisa to actually examine the building. She walked on your right, a meter away from you. You'd usually find the distance slightly rude, but now you're slightly glad about it. You felt embarrassed even glancing at Elisa, and you didn't understand why. You assumed it's because of the shame of assuming she's a boy at first glance, it was rude of you to think that way, girls can have short hair too!

“...So how do you have friends here?” You asked, trying to diffuse this tension inside you. Walking around the school cafeteria and pointing at the lunch tables, feeling like it doesn’t need an explanation.

“We play together at a football academy.” She responded, walking quicker than you can, probably from her height. “Do you know Fleur and Marie?”

“Yeah, they’re nice. I knew they loved football but I didn’t know they were at an academy.” You guessed that’s why they would sometimes not go to school together, probably to play in championships. 

After walking around the cafeteria to the small hallways, you stood there and labeled what each hallway is for, “so this one is for math, science, and statistics class. Our Algebra and biology classes will be there. This one is for language, French, Spanish and English classes will be there. This one is the arts hallway, there are only two classes that are used there, the other 3… students use them for other things.” You blushed at the thought of what they do there, you had always avoided that area and hoped Elisa would too. When you glanced at Elisa's face, there was a slight pink hue in her cheeks.

“Couldn’t the school lock them?” She mumbled, voice slightly hitched now from the awkwardness.

“I mean… they were never caught, and snitches get stitches so no one comments about them.” You shrugged, hoping this response would change the topic. You had always felt weird talking about the older students’ behavior in those rooms, but it felt extra weird around Elisa. You rolled her schedule in your hands as your thoughts started spiraling. Would Elisa go there with someone? A guy? No way. You glanced at Elisa's side profile as she was looking at the freshly cleaned boards placed around the hallways for posters. Elisa’s nose is prominent and sharp, her eyebrows naturally furrowing in thoughts. You wondered, if she has short hair and dresses like guys, does she like girls like them? There is no way she would be with a guy.

Your thoughts stopped when you realized she was looking at you, waiting for you to show her somewhere else. Opening your mouth but nothing coming out, you turned and walked to the school’s back exit. Elisa turned and followed you, keeping a safe distance between the both of you. But right when you pulled the door, Amy’s body came crashing into you.

“Oh my god, are you okay?” You screeched in shock, both of your bodies stumbled backwards. Thankfully, Elisa was there to catch the both of you. A small giggle broke out from Amy, standing upright and grabbing her pink folder that fell out of her hands. When she looked up, her eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

“New?” She knew about your ‘first day routine’, and since she couldn’t recognize Elisa she assumed she was right. Amy is a popular student in the same grade that all the guys are crazy over. Her body developed before any of the girls. And although you didn’t necessarily feel insecure about your body, you still felt a little sad at the feeling that she will always be the boys’ first choice. Not only is her waist and body flawless, but she also has a bright flirtatious smile, and blonde long hair that touches her ass every time she takes a step.

“Yeah,” Elisa quickly let go of your arm, taking a step away. Panic started rising in your chest, Amy was always a late student, coming to class 10 minutes late with the usual excuse of ‘traffic’. Why did she come early and interrupt me and Elisa? “First time coming early?”

“Yeah I wanted a new version of me this new year. You know… since it’s the first year of high school.” Her eyes roamed around Elisa’s figure. Elisa was speechless, not knowing what else to do. She hoped her friends would’ve been here, because now she feels like she’s interrupting your conversation. But from the slightly uncomfortable glance both of you are giving each other, she knows you probably need her to save you.

“Umm… y/n can we please finish the tour so we don’t end up late for class.” Elisa stepped closer to you, her hand softly tugs on the sleeve of your hoodie. You were internally thanking God that she saved you from Amy, but the unexplainable blush around your face was growing when you saw Elisa’s large hand gripping your sleeve. You quickly glanced back at Amy, mumbling a quick ‘see ya’ and opening the door again to go to the football pitch.

As Elisa walked out, she quickly turned to look at Amy for one last time, not thinking it’s wrong for a quick last scan. She seemed sweet and her voice sounded buttery and smooth. She also was hot, that’s something Elisa wouldn’t hide. When she turned back to see you, she realized that you had caught her looking. In shock, she just walked straight past you on the sidewalk, hoping she’s going the right way.

Elisa knew that many people assumed immediately that she's a lesbian. Admittedly, she can't even argue against it. All she hopes is that people don't treat her differently for it. Now that you caught her looking, she didn't know if she was overreacting for panicking.

You on the other hand was caught off guard, you swore you saw her eyes glance at Amy's ass. Truthfully, you had glanced at Amy’s ass before. Everyone did. But it bothered you that Elisa glanced at it with a smirk on her face, the way the guys did. It's unbelievable how Amy was able to disrupt your tour with Elisa just by a few minutes.

You stride towards her, keeping a safe distance between the both of you. “That's the football pitch as you can see. That's where we have PE classes too. At lunch, you can either eat or play here. Most students usually eat for 15 minutes and then play the rest.” Your voice was quieter than usual. 

Elisa noticed the change in your demeanor, and she can't tell if it's because of Amy or her. She pretended to look around the pitch, but her mind was all over the place. She thought it would be good to know you and create new friends, but now she just wanted Fleur and Marie.

You pointed at the gates at the back of the pitch. There was a long metal fence that surrounded the school, it was made for school safety and so the students don't just leave whenever they feel like it. But there was a small walking trail from it, “the empty area behind the fence is the school's. We only use it for events. I don't know if your friends told you, but there will be a day where our class camps there.”

A giggle broke out from Elisa, followed by her biting her lip to stop. You glanced back to look at her confused, but she quickly looked away from you to the gate, mumbling a “sorry, they told me a funny joke about this.”

Blush bloomed into your cheeks. Of course you know what joke they made, that's what every person says about ‘Camp Out’. You glanced at the clock, realizing that it's 5 minutes before first class. As you were about to tell Elisa that, a screech was heard as well as bags thrown to the ground.

When you turned around to see what happened, you found Elisa being crushed by a hug from Fleur, their giggles loud and chaotic.

“Omg I can't believe you joined the school!” Although you've known Fleur for over 5 years, you've never seen her this happy. Awkwardly glancing between the both of them, you were unsure if you should leave them alone or say hi to Fleur.

“So much happened in Portugal I'll tell you later,” Elisa’s hands stayed on Fleur's waist. But when she turned her head to her right, she saw you slowly stepping away from them. “Oh, that's y/n, she helped me around.”

Elisa wasn't sure why she did this, of course you know Fleur. But seeing you awkwardly looking at them this way made her feel something unexplainable. She quickly removed her hands from Fleur and pointed at you.

“Oh yeah! She does this every year,” She waves at you kindly. She grabs Elisa's hand and starts pulling her towards the side benches. Quickly glancing at you, she says, “thanks for helping. She hates meeting new people so I hope she wasn't being a bitch.”

Elisa's face turned red in embarrassment, whispering ‘shut up’ to Fleur as she dragged her away from you.

Your body was filled in shame, feeling as if you interrupted a moment. The only time you felt that way was when you were talking to Amy and José…And they went to the ‘unused’ classroom afterwards.

Your body was frozen, zoning out as you looked at the both of them on the benches arguing,

“Hot new guy?” a sudden voice creeped up from behind you. Quickly identifying it as Sam, your best friend.

“What? No!” You turned to look at Sam in bafflement. Sam had a small smirk on her face, waiting for your explanation. But when you opened your mouth and nothing came out, she laughed.

“What? You looked like you saw Amy pull the new hot guy that you just had great chemistry with to the ‘ehm ehm’ room.”

“That was weirdly specific…” you accusingly looked at her.

“Eh. I just can read you very well.” You felt annoyed, who does she think she is? No, she's wrong. Elisa is not a hot guy, she's not even a guy in the first place.

“For your knowledge, you're wrong,” You rolled your eyes, walking back to the building for the first class. “It was Fleur.”

“Fleur stole the hot guy from you? Damn I didn't know she flirts.” Sam's jaw dropped to the ground, looking around to try and find Fleur. But her blonde hair blended in with every other blonde girl.

“No! The new student is a girl, and Fleur knows her. That's it. No hot guy, and no drama. Let's just go to class before it's too late.” You frustratingly grabbed her arm and pulled her inside the school building.

Sam had always liked teasing you to get you angry, but she had a feeling today isn't the day to joke with you. So she stayed silent and allowed you to drag her to your first class.

-

“Welcome back everyone!” The biology teacher squealed in excitement. You turned to look at the back of the class, checking if Fleur and Marie are there. Elisa was sitting with them, face twisted in anxiety, already aware of what Ms. Jeena would do.

“Since our school is small, it's rare to get a new student. Please treat Elisa kindly.” She pointed at the back of the class, all of the students turning to look at who is ‘new’. The class turned quiet for a few seconds, some murmurs arose around the ‘boys’ area of the class, and a low gasp from Sam. “Elisa, why don't you stand up and tell us…your age and hobbies.”

You felt bad for Elisa, this would make anyone uncomfortable, especially someone as different as her. Elisa nervously glanced at Marie and stood up, coughing and muttering, “I'm 14. I like football and… watching movies.”

Immediately, she sat down and covered her face with her hands. Fleur awkwardly patted her back to comfort her, holding a laugh at how awkward she was. Ms. Jeena noticed the awkward atmosphere around the class, so she decided to immediately start talking about a poster presentation that should review what the class studied the previous year. Your head was still turned to look at Elisa, her face red and eyes filled with discomfort.

Sam tapped you on the shoulder, making you glance away from the group. She got closer and whispered, “wow at least I'm not the only one who's gonna get hate crimed.”

You rolled your eyes, opening your notebook to write the criteria needed for the poster. Sam is an Indian student, and although there are some people of color in class, Indians were not one of them. So Sam gets a lot of rude comments, whether it's about her ‘skin’ or ‘smell’. Sam doesn't mind it, saying she went through worse in her older school. This allows her to make jokes about the racist encounters without feeling hurt.

“She's odd right?” She continued, glancing at her empty table, clearly not bringing anything since it's the first day of school. “How did she just… befriend them that quick?”

“Sam, stop talking about her!” You whisper-shouted at her, nudging your foot with hers. “They play at the same football academy.” You responded to her question, writing the date and following the teacher's instructions.

“Makes sense.”

“This year, I want to try something different with you guys. Every time I let you guys choose your partners, you always choose the same person.” She walked around the class, looking each of the students in the eyes, “I will choose your partner for this assignment.”

Sighing frustratingly, you closed your eyes and rested your head on your hands. You were on great terms with a lot of the students in your class, yet you didn't have the energy to talk to any of them.

The teacher opened her mouth to say something, but the way the class was booing and groaning forced her to stay quiet for a few seconds. “Okay guys! The names will be on the board right now so please stay quiet.”

You glanced at Sam with a disappointed face, feeling awful at how you both will be separated on the first day already. You waited as the teacher was writing the names, Sam already partnered with some girl at the front. But she still sat next to you, waiting to see who will be your partner.

The teacher had already written 8 pairs, which means that there is only one left, you and Elisa. You were sure Ms. Jeena did this because of your friendliness and wanted you to help her. Sam giggled when she realized, tapping your shoulder and whispering, “I feel bad, she looks like she's about to rage.”

Just as Sam stood up, Elisa dragged herself to your table, slowly pulling the chair and sitting on it. She nodded her head awkwardly towards you in acknowledgement as she fiddled her hands with each other on the table.

The teacher had handed out the A3 posters, saying the poster should explain photosynthesis. Thankfully, it was your favorite unit from last year, so you jotted all the information you remember as quickly as you can in your notebook.

Elisa sat there feeling awkward, looking at you scribbling nonsense in your book. She isn't stupid, but she can't remember anything that's 2 weeks ago, so she just sat there and waited until you told her what to do.

After you wrote what you can remember, you turned to look at Elisa. Her face was slightly pink, a fake smile on her face when she realized you looked away from your notes to glance at her.

“Umm…do you want to draw the cell, or write about it? What do you think you're good at?” You realized you've been rude towards her, she probably wanted to help you. “Sorry for not asking you in the beginning.”

Elisa felt embarrassed, she clearly can't remember anything about photosynthesis. She looked down at the large sheet in front of her, “oh no it's okay, I'll just draw the diagram…but I need a good reference, you know?”

You gave her a smile while avoiding her glance. You raised your hand to speak to the teacher. “Hey, can Elisa and I go to the library to look at pictures of the cell for a more accurate poster?”

The teacher nodded in your direction, trusting you to not do anything stupid. This is one of the perks of being a ‘good student’, they will trust you with anything. You turned to look at Elisa, standing up and grabbing your large colorful pencil case.

Elisa grabbed the poster and followed you. Her eyes glanced at her friends for one last second. When you reached the dark library, you pointed at the computer screens, sitting down on one of the chairs and smiling at Elisa, “I want you to draw a big leaf, and then a microscope zooming in with the thylakoid in it. Does that make sense?” Elisa nodded in understanding, pulling colors from your pencil case to start. “I'll write the information on the side.”

As the both of you worked, silence filled the library. The small Golden light bulbs created a sleepy atmosphere, making your body calm and tired. You finished writing quickly, now resting your head on the table to wait for Elisa to finish her part. You turned your head to glance at her, looking at her features while she was working. From this angle, you realized that she still had feminine features in her face, it's just her hair and flat chest that makes her look ‘manly’. (though you never really cared about anyone's chest… we're all kids and it doesn't matter!)

Your face flushed when you looked up to see her looking at you, your eyes diverting to the paper to see if she's done. Elisa had felt your eyes on her, you were resting your head close to her body and she could clearly see you. Her body was mildly sweaty from the whole chaos that happened in class, and she thought making this poster alone with you would help her calm down.

But when she looked at you, she realized your eyes were glancing at her body… her chest. She didn't know what to make sense of this, were you looking at her to mock her? Or were you checking her out just like how she looks at other women? It's obvious that it's the first question, because no one has ever looked at her with a romantic glance. She has accepted that the day she'll find the one is far, now she’s too young to worry about her depressing love life. 

From the insulting whispers in class, anger bubbled up in her. You'll be just like them, mocking her for doing what she wants. Why would she expect something else? At the end of the day, you're popular. And anyone who's popular is a bitch.

You lifted your head from the table, glancing at the computer screen to avoid looking at her eyes again. She caught you looking at her body, and that's embarrassing. Usually when a girl catches you looking, you joke out a compliment. But when it came to elisa, your tongue got stuck, and all you were able to do is just look away.

“I'm done.” Elisa stood up, her chair screeching loudly making you flinch. Her hand grabbed the poster and walked away, leaving you alone in your seat. You stood up and logged out of the computer, running to catch up with her.

“Thanks for working, I could've helped in coloring.” You whispered. You can tell that the atmosphere turned awkward, her eyebrows furrowed and clearly thinking about something else. 

She didn't want to speak to you. In fact, she didn't want to speak to anyone, even Marie and Fleur. She just wanted to go home and probably watch a match to distract herself from whatever is happening in this school. She can't believe she's already feeling this way and it's the first class, she wondered how shit her other classes would be.

When she reached the class, she gave the poster to the teacher and sat back in her old seat since it was empty anyways. Sam noticed your distracted gaze, waving her hand to gain your attention. The feeling of shame returned to you, there is no way Elisa is angry at you for a glance, we're all girls and it's okay, right?

Maybe something happened, maybe she remembered something that hurt her. Maybe she's not actually annoyed at you and she probably had something else that bothered her. Or maybe you’re overreacting and she probably was acting normal.

The rest of the day went smoothly, the teacher allowed the students to talk to their friends since it's your first day. Sam had asked you about what happened with Elisa in the library. Your response was simple, “she was tired and annoyed at how the boys were talking about her. She didn't even glance at me.”

Sam nodded, feeling bad for Elisa. For the rest of the day, Elisa just slept in class. Suddenly, her trip to Portugal didn't matter, she felt emotionally exhausted and drained. Fleur and Marie felt guilty, knowing that a part of Élisa's sadness is from them. They're the ones who begged her to join their school.

Now the day is over and you're walking home. Sam goes with her dad, her house is too far for her to just walk. As you put your headphones on, you noticed Elisa walking the same way as you. Her strides were larger, obviously trying to escape school as fast as possible. Now that you know Elisa lives close to you, it makes everything worse.

-

It's Wednesday, the day your class has PE. The school has given you a uniform and a locker room to change. There is a habit that all girls change in the same area, since the room only has lockers and no private cubicles to change. But ever since you were a kid, you always took your clothes and changed in the bathrooms privately, because looking at naked women around you made you feel uncomfortable, and you always valued your ‘modesty’.

So you went to the lockers to grab your PE uniform and stepped in the girls’ bathroom. When you got in, you saw Elisa already dressed in her uniform, her hands playing around with her silky hair in front of the mirror. When she looked at your reflection in the mirror, she rolled her eyes, grabbed her things, and left you with no words. You looked at your blue uniform in your hands and sighed, feeling like your day has just been ruined.

After long minutes of changing, you went back to the locker room to place your clothes back in your locker. You noticed Amy lifting her hair in a high ponytail, light makeup on her face. She caught you looking and stepped closer to you, signaling with her hand for you to come closer to her. When you did, she whispered, “did you see Elisa in the bathrooms?”

You frowned in confusion, “yeah, why?”

She bit her lip and looked around, “people are saying she’s a lesbian…that’s why she was too scared to dress with us.”

When she saw the confused look never left your face, she gave you a disappointed glance. “Wait… what is a ‘lesbian’?”

She mockingly laughed, “are you serious?” When she realized you weren’t joking, she covered her face and sighed. “It means when a girl only likes girls…like guys.”

Realization hits you. Is she? There is a name for it? You had felt weird with Elisa, and you had suspected that she likes girls the way boys do. But you never knew there was a name for it, and that could possibly mean there is a whole community that way.

“Why? I dress alone in the bathroom, that doesn’t make me a lesbian.”

“y/n be serious! You’re… you. And Elisa… you know, she dresses differently. I am not disgusted by her, I’m just telling you what I think about her.”

You didn’t know what else to say, so you awkwardly nodded and walked distractingly. 

Throughout the whole PE class, Elisa dominated the girls. While Paul dominated the guys. You were impressed at her speed, humbling everyone although Katoto was very close. The trio (Elisa, Katoto, and Fleur) were distanced from the rest of the girls, only joining when the coach tells them to.

After the session, you took your clothes and went immediately to the bathrooms to change back. You can hear her shuffling in the cubicle next to you, and the idea of Elisa being naked right next to you somehow made you panic.

Elisa knew she had to get used to naked women, especially if she wanted to become a professional football player. Her academy teammates lightly tease her. But thankfully, they are very open about her being gay. In fact, there were around 2 girls that had come out in her team. She complained to Fleur and Katoto about what happened in the library. Katoto called Elisa ‘dramatic’ and that you were probably just zoning out and thinking about something else, while Fleur laughed and told her that you never meant to harm her. But when she saw you in the bathroom, she got annoyed. Because why are you following her? Is this your way of teasing her?

Since PE is the last class of the day, the walk home was sweaty and exhausting. What Amy told you still ran through your head. You never thought about Elisa’s love life, except when you caught her staring at Amy ‘weird’ on the first day. But now that you think about it, there is no way Elisa ‘likes’ men, you can’t even imagine her flirting with one. But the idea of her flirting with women seemed possible, and even when it gave you a weird feeling, it seemed more sense that way.

When you went home, you locked your room and turned on your laptop, searching on Google a simple question, "qu'est-ce qu'une lesbienne?” (what is a lesbian?)

Your whole screen was filled with articles, pressing the first one, an article from Quora.

What is a lesbian? Hey guys, I have a simple question. A co-worker of mine told us today that she was a lesbian and even when i knew what it was briefly i still felt uneducated and embarrassed. Can someone please tell me what it is so I don’t hurt her tomorrow at work?

You’re overthinking it. A lesbian is just a woman attracted to other women. They don’t feel anything for men. That’s it. If you don’t want to ‘hurt’ her or ‘disrespect’ her, just don’t treat her differently and please don’t ask her about guys or even girls unless she opens up to it. It also gets annoying when girls think we are in love with them just because we like women. Thanks for trying to be respectful tho.

You stared at your screen for a minute, until you decided to ask a question. Thankfully, your Quora username is not your real name, you replied to the answer, 

‘Hey, a new classmate from my school joined and many people think she is a lesbian because she has short hair and always dresses like a tomboy. Is there a ‘signature’ look of lesbians or they can look like anything?’

You slapped your mouth, not believing you just posted this. You tried to distract yourself by doing your homework, until a small ding came from your laptop. You froze and stared at your screen for a second, before hopping and looking at the response.

‘LOL! You sound like a child so I hope you are a kid, it’s rude to assume anyone’s sexuality. And no, there is no ‘signature’ gay look. Yes, a lot of us prefer to dress tomboy. But there are a lot of feminine girls that also like women.’

You liked the response and closed the tab, you stared at the screen, a single question running through your mind. You quickly opened a new tab, typing ‘Is same-sex marriage allowed?’

No, Same-sex marriage is illegal in France.

You exhaled in disappointment, closing the computer screen and opting to take a nap instead of thinking about this. But what did Amy mean by ‘You’re you’?... Do they also think that way about me? No way, I dress like a girl. But the Quora response caught you off guard, can someone like both women and men? You twisted in bed and sighed in frustration. You can see the black square screen of your PC. You groaned and stood up again, ‘can someone like both sexes?’

Someone who likes both sexes is referred to as Bisexuals.

You closed the tab and went back to bed. You weren’t sure why you even searched that question, but you blamed it on curiosity. You are straight, you knew this because you never ‘romantically’ liked a girl, and now that Elisa is rumored to like women, you wanted to know more about Elisa, not you… you already know who you are, even when you didn’t understand what Amy meant by that comment.

-

~ same-sex marriage became legal on the 17th of May 2013, while this is based on September 2012.

~ in France, students in their first year of high school are supposed to be 15-16. I changed their age because I wanted this to happen before same-sex marriage was legalized.

[eds6ngel]

hey! I saw that your requests are open! so i can ask for an eddie x reader where she tries to understand more about d&d or metal, those things to try to please her bf, however eddie doesn't have a good day and ends up mocking and embarrassing her. I liked your account, if you don't like this, please ignore me! 💗

of course my love, i loved this ask! and thank you for the compliment <3

warnings: fem!reader. pet names. established relationship. angst, but it ends in fluff. swearing. j*son c*rver mentions [1.7k]

As Eddie exits the torturous walls of Hawkins High, he exhales a sigh of relief. If he was being honest, today had been a shit day. Jason was in one of his moods where he decided to turn all of his obvious internal issues into spiteful words towards him. Something that on the last day of school of ‘86 was not the ideal send off.

He needed to see one person, one girl. His girl.

Eddie walks over to his van, leaning against it as he lights a cigarette, knowing you, his girlfriend, should be there any minute.

But, two smoked cigarettes later, and you were nowhere to be found. Not a trace of you in sight.

“Fuck,” he grits out, throwing his blunt cigarette on the ground and stomping it out harshly with the heel of his shoe, the underneath becoming more destroyed by the day.

He swings open the door, sliding in his seat before slamming it shut, huffing out in frustration. He puts the keys in, turning on the engine, Metallica’s “Kill ‘Em All” blasting through the speaker as he sets off towards his trailer.

Where the fuck were you?

The sound of the bell ringing alerted the store clerk, you pushing open the door with a nervous expression on your face.

You slowly makes your way to the counter, asking the tall man, “Um, hi. I was wondering if you had the latest album by… um, AC/DC, I think they are called?”

“Sure thing!” he replies cheerily, “You want cassette or vinyl?”

“Um, cassette please, thank you.”

Eddie had been rambling for months about their latest album. He’d already bought the album on vinyl, practicing the newest tracks until his fingers were numb and red. However, he recently talked about owning the album on cassette, that way he could take his latest obsession on the go with him.

So, trying to be the supportive girlfriend you are, you went on a hunt to track down the cassette yourself, even if you weren’t the most knowledgable on metal music. But, hey, it’s the thought that counts, right?

After gnawing at your nails in the middle of the store, the man returns from the back, holding up a brand new cassette.

“Here you go, ‘Who Made Who,’ freshly delivered here this week.”

Huh, the name didn’t sound right. You could’ve sworn this was the album Eddie was talking about. Pretty damn sure the artist was correct too. You were no metalhead, but the constant talkings from your boyfriend sure let you in on a lot of facts.

Nevertheless, you take the tape from the man’s hands, eyeing the cover. A blue background. You were certain Eddie’s was red. Maybe they changed the cover for the cassette release?

“Thank you. Just what I needed,” you replied, smiling through your doubts.

“‘Course darlin’,” he says, “That’s $8.”

After giving the clerk your $10 bill, he gives you $2 in return, before you bid farewell and exit the store.

Now, to surprise Eddie.

It took five knocks before you were greeted with the sight of your boyfriend, his hair a fluffy mess and eyes red. The poor boy looked exhausted.

“Hey, baby,” he practically slurs in tiredness, “What are you doing here?”

It was 5pm. You were meant to meet him at 3:30, the end of the school day. He should be feeling more thankful than he was, but with everything that went on during today’s hellish time at Hawkins High, he was knocking on death’s door, both emotionally and physically.

“Um, hi babe!” you reply, holding your hands behind your back, “I have a surprise for you.”

He looks at you dumbfounded, “Uh, thanks, I guess. Where were you earlier on?”

“Well,” you cheerily say, taking a seat on his couch, “This gift may be the answer to that question.”

You hand over the cassette, Eddie taking it in his hands to eye up the cover, just like you did in the store a mere thirty minutes before.

You start to ramble, explaining the reason as to why you made the purchase, “You’ve been rambling a lot about how you owned this on vinyl, but wanted it on tape so you could blast it in your van, so I decided to go out and buy it for you!”

Eddie looks at the cassette you placed in his hands with the upmost confusion. He’d never spoken about AC/DC recently. The only album he’d rambled about to you was Metallica’s “Master of Puppets,” even showing you how he mastered the solo to the titular song.

He shakes his head, a soft laugh coming out of mouth as he replies, “Jesus babe, your listening skills are not working well recently, are they?”

The sense of pride you felt quickly diminished at Eddie’s harsh words. You second guessed yourself already, but decided to trust Eddie’s words over your own, but maybe your worries were right after all.

“Wait, did I do something wrong?” you ask sheepishly, the nervousness slowly creeping back in.

He chuckles, “Baby,” he looks up at you, “You think this shit is metal? Yeah, because talking about how you want to pound women is what we write about. So incredibly metal babe,” he rolls his eyes, scoffing at the association between the two bands.

Before you can even get a word in, Eddie is rushing to his bedroom as you sit there alone for a couple of seconds, the guilt beginning to settle uncomfortably at the bottom of your stomach.

Eddie was usually very patient when it came to you learning about his hobbies. You were sort of polar opposites in the sense that you knew practically nothing about the aspects of his life that defined him. D&D, metal music, Lord of the Rings? Your knowledge on them was subpar.

But, he was willing to teach you, give you the basics, help you understand him more. It built your relationship in that way. But, something about him today was different. That sense of understanding and patience had flown out of the window, a sense of moral righteousness in the subject taking over.

He quickly returns, holding up the vinyl in his hands. You were right. A red background. Definitely not the same as the cassette you had purchased.

Putting the two side by side, he scoffs again, “Sweetheart, tell me one thing about these two covers that look remotely similar. Because to me, they look like completely different albums.”

You’re trying not to let the tears prick at your eyes. All you wanted to do was show that you supported him in his interests. Living in small town Indiana meant that Eddie was constantly called a “Satan Worshipper” simply for listening to the genre. And now that you were one of the only people who accepted and supported him in his identity, you were met with sarcasm and distaste.

You sigh out, knowing that you had riled up your boyfriend. Grabbing your purse, you stand up and walk towards the door, “I’m just gonna go, Eds.”

This made Eddie snap back to reality, realising the words that were coming out of his mouth. You were indeed no expert on metal, and who was he to judge you for that? He couldn’t expect everyone to know as much as he did.

He places both the cassette and vinyl on the kitchen counter, “Wait, sweetheart, I’m sorry. Let me explain—“

But, you cut him off with a disappointed expression on your face, “No, Eds, it’s okay. I know I suck at knowing metal, and obviously I’ve pissed you off by not listening to you well enough. So, next time, I’ll let you buy it yourself. It’ll save all this hassle.”

The guilt was now settling in Eddie’s stomach just like it did yours. But, before he could muster up some quick apology to save himself, you were out the door and gone.

Eddie leans his head down on the counter between his arms, breathing out a “Fuck,” as he realises his mistake.

He needed to make up for this somehow. And not in some half-assed way that he was making up on the spot. He needed to clear his head and plan this out. He needed to prove himself to you.

Once you got home, you headed straight to your room. You couldn’t be dealing with the weight of Eddie’s words, so you took off your make-up and changed into pyjamas, lying in bed until your body decided it was time to sleep.

But, with your mind racing, your body was doing anything but relaxing. It was 9pm by this point, you wishing that a peaceful slumber would take place any minute.

But, the sound of frantic knocking at your bedroom window alerts you from your relaxation. Groaning as you lift up the covers, you pull back the curtain to the sight of your boyfriend, a guilt-ridden look across his face.

You sigh as you pull up the window, “What do you want, Eddie?”

“Could you just let me in sweetheart, please?”

Begrudgingly, you signal with your arm to let him in, the boy clambering through the window.

He breathes out as you take a seat on the edge of your bed, “I guess I should start by saying sorry.”

You nod your head, “A good starter, yeah,” you softly chuckle.

There’s a small smile that creeps on his face as he takes a seat next to you on your pink-coloured duvet, “I know this is gonna sound more shitty than I want it to, but, today’s been hard babe,” he explains. “Jason… He just… God, I wish he would just leave me alone for a second, you know? And just that frustration from him I pushed onto you, which was totally wrong.”

You shake your head, “I mean, I didn’t help matters by picking up the wrong fucking album.”

He places a soft hand on your arm, rubbing it with his thumb, “Don’t blame yourself, okay? I should’ve been thankful you even put in the effort at all. And if anything,” he leans closer, “Even thinking of getting that album is so incredibly metal.”

The both of you laugh as you lean in, your lips connecting in a soft kiss, an apology without words.

As you part, you lean your foreheads against each other, your hand still cupping the side of his cheek as his lies comfortably on your waist. “Again, I’m sorry,” he apologises, “I’ll work on those anger management skills.”

You breathe out, “And I’ll work on my listening skills, compromise?”

“Compromise.”

i hope this is close to what you were hoping for! thank you so much for the ask <3

[walrus150915]

Happy pride, Nimona fandom :3

I gotcha some sketches! Gotta place them in different parts of the post so that you read everything

It's not just drawings I got HEADCANONS for you too!

Off topic but I love Nimona's design SO MUCH it's so AMAZING TO DRAW AGHHH

So

⚧Nimona LGBTQ+ specific headcanons of mine🏳‍🌈

• I've made a conclusion that if queer flags exist in Nimona universe, as well as gay drag bars (so was confirmed in the artbook), then labels DO exist. As well as good old homophobia??? I suppose????

• Nimona doesn't have a specific label because she thinks they are sorta restrictive. Also she just doesn't need one lol, if somebody asked her about her gender she'd say "Nimona"

• She'd wear the heck out of a "protect trans kids" shirt she bought no she ain't feeding into the capitalist machine she stole it

• There was something between Nimona and Gloreth but Nimona can't exactly say what for sure. Not exactly romantic but not strictly platonic. Homegirl had that toxic doomed kindergarten yuri going on😭

• Nimona doesn't look for romantic relationships. She explains it as "romance is for sappy dumb-dumbs" but in reality she just doesn't want to date and romantically love somebody who'll. Eventually die and leave her all by herself again yk (oh this got angsty real fast)

• Maybe one day Ballister tried to help her find her label (because he still tries to put things in boxes) and she just waved it off

Speaking of Ballister

• My man is transgender. Do I even have to explain. Read one of those posts that explain his transness better LMAO

• He started his medical transition as a teenager and had to fit right in not to disrupt the Institute's function. If he's a man then he has to transition QUICKLY so that others don't notice

• Because of that he's a transmedicalist and probably an enbyphobe at the start of the movie, thinking only one type of valid transness exists, and it's the one that is very binary and restrictive

• At the end he realizes the wrong of his ways and works on the internalized transphobia

• He came to terms with his homosexuality a bit easier. "It's always been boys" yk the drill

A couple of words about his boy lol

• Ambrosius is a painfully cisgender gay man. I genuinely apologize to all Transbrosius believers but he gives off STRONG cis vibes can't have a character with this surname dickless

• He's a trans ally but his opinions on trans issues were like. Very closed-minded. He supported but didn't entirely understand. Of course it changed as he went through ✨character development✨

• He was fully supportive of Ballister on his trans journey. Reassured him when Ballister felt like he wasn't enough, tried to make his boyfriend as secure as possible, loving every part of him

There should be a bunch of rather suggestive headcanons but this isn't that type of post LOL

No but think about Ambrosius kissing down Ballister's body and across his chest scars. This is my ultimate dream as a trans man

• Ambrosius also rocks a "protect trans kids" shirt that's for SURE

• He came to terms with his queerness as a teenager and had a whole crisis about it. As a Goldenloin he had the expectations of ✨continuing Gloreth's bloodline✨ thrown at him back in childhood so he sorta internalized that. Then boom, my boy is g a y and oh how gay he is!

• Click here to read about my headcanons on goldenheart when they had only started falling in love :D

• Ambrosius made inoffensive jokes about Ballister's transness. Like yk those goofy puns like "baby you put men in MENstruation", "omg does this make your parents transparent". Ballister smiled at them and rolled his eyes but also silently appreciated his bf's support, although expressed so stupidly

• He also made sure Ballister took proper care of his body because you know Ballister would not bind safely, being a dumb teen

Anyway yeah gay people

Unpopular opinion but we as a fandom should start drawing Bal with a disability queer pride flag

Side characters headcanons, anyone? XD

• Diego came out as nonbinary after the events of the movie. He got that he/they swag going on

• Also Ballister was his queer awakening FIGHT ME ABOUT IT. He had the stupidest, most childish celebrity crush on Bal. Maybe Bal formed Diego's type in men fjfhhx I like to think Diego got a boyfriend whose attitude is similar to Bal's

• Remember those news anchors? (they are so underrated omg) Well Nate Knight has a husband and Alanzapam Davis is a bi queen🙏

• Speaking of queens. Valerin is a straight ally💪💪 I imagine her being quite iconic on the Kingdom's queer side of the internet. They call her "mother" and stuff aajjaj

• the Director is homophobic, need I say more? So is Todd but I actually imagine him being a type of guy to reject his queerness

Haha mailman *winks at yrrtyrrtwhenihrrthrrt*

• Todd had NO idea Ballister was trans. NONE

• The Kingdom has pride events!! Ambrosius and Ballister were very happy and excited to attend those as an official couple once they were out :}

• Nimona attended them every year, ofc she had to hide her true nature but it was fun for her to march along! And it was even more fun when everyone accepted her!!

Anyway yeah this was very fun to make!! Happy pride y'all, lmk what you think ;D

[tirfpikachu]

you are not "detrans" you are cis

i'm definitely what you'd call cis too! though cis/bio womanhood is not at all what most tras assume it's like. especially detrans cis/bio womanhood. and for me, the label detrans helped me find others like me. it kept me from hating my own guts. it helped me find a community of ppl who actually understand what i've been through and don't think i'm a freak.

living as trans for 13 years changed what mainstream tras would call my gender identity forever. it also is a way for me to find people who also went thru what i went thru. i get a lot of DMs from other detrans women and detrans men who lived as trans or even transitioned partially/fully like me (i was on testosterone for a bit and have an awkward bit of annoying af stubble T_T gotta get expensive laser for that... it can be isolating!). to me, i will never again be a fully cis woman. i will forever be affected with having struggled with intense dysphoria for 13+ years. i also feel like my cis womanhood in general has forever been changed with me having rejected it and then finding it again - it does NOT feel the same way as my girlhood did. in girlhood, i didn't give a shit what people thought girls or boys needed to do. doubly so because i was autistic. then puberty came, and the usual teenage girl and/or afab experience of needing to conform to cispatriarchal expectations came, and i freaked the fuck out about my boobs, about how boys were suddenly treating me and the things my shitty female relatives told me were "becoming a woman" (all very conservative notions of womanhood) and it grossed me out so badly, on top of grappling with being into other afab people, and i just totally distanced myself from girlhood at all. i gave up on making my own scrungly, gender nonconforming version of girlhood. girlhood felt like it had no room for people like me.

and so i kicked it out of my mind. i obsessed over becoming a boy. some trans boys, ofc, become happily trans men. for me, though, it personally was an escape. i was trans-identified for all the wrong reasons and it really fucked me up. it made my internalized lesbophobia so much worse, to the point where i even started identifying as pansexual/bisexual (PREPOSTEROUS thing for me since i had never ever in my entire life been attracted to a man or someone living as male in society... but i was into non-transitioned transmasc people, so i thought i couldn't possibly be lesbian!). for me, the trans identity was a bandaid, it was a crutch in the worst possible way. detrans people aren't trying to make trans people look bad. we're not trying to convert y'all, we don't give a shit. we're too busy grappling with our newfound connection to cis womanhood/cis manhood and dealing with transition-related issues.

we NEED to find fellow detrans folks or we'll go batshit crazy with shame at having made a mistake, guilt at being weaponized without our consent against the trans community, and just fucking hating how hrt/surgeries affected our bodies and trying to come to terms with that and learning to love our bodies as they are despite it all.

detrans cis womanhood will never be normie cis womanhood.

detrans cis manhood will never be normie detrans manhood.

living as trans for years affects you DEEPLY. trans people should know this first-hand. detrans folks, simply by starting to live as cis / bio men/women again, cannot suddenly erase all those years as if they never existed. we just can't. i'm sorry. i tried. dear goddess i really fucking tried harder than you'll ever know. and so did so many of my detrans friends and my darling detrans girlfriend.

but detrans people need other detrans people.

mainstream tras don't understand us.

cis/bio radfems who aren't detrans often misrepresent us.

we need eachother.

and our voices NEED to be heard too.

both radfems AND mainstream tras don't get it.

detrans & desisted folks NEED sisterhood & siblinghood.

only detrans women understand other detrans women.

only detrans men understand other detrans men.

i will always be seeking out lost detrans sisters. and i will always want to hear out my detrans brothers. i love my detrans/desisted community. we've been through really hard shit, we're more likely to be gay, more likely to be traumatized, more likely to be autistic. we're not what you think. and now you need to sit down and hear our stories. sorry. it has to happen. or feel free to block all detrans voices and plug your ears and go lalala! and now i'm not talking to you specifically anon, i don't want to put assumptions in your little mouth. but i'm talking to ALL mainstream trans activists, anti-radfems especially, who assume the very worst of us from the get-go. those who want detrans & desisted people to pretend we were always cis and normies who should pretend to not be deeply affected by our real lived detrans/desisted experiences. we will not shut up. we refuse to. both radblr and normie leftblr misrepresent us.

our voices matter. or, at the very least, we deserve to put detrans/desisted in our bios so we can find one another. shoutout to my detrans & desisted siblings!!! i love you!!!! <33

[musicalmoritz]

Could you do more of the kids/ parenting head canons??? Can I ask for like Aoiaoi, Natsuteru and Kounene also yamabuki lemon as a single parent and whoever else you want??

Another one let’s gooooooooo

AoiAoi

• Out of every couple these two are the most likely to get married and have kids

• They would have an insane amount of kids. Like they’d be on the news for how many kids they have. Poor Aoi

• Buuuut she’s just as eager to have a house full of kids as Akane is. She gives them flower names and they probably have at least one Harry Potter ass kid who’s named smth like “Teru Nene Aoi.” She doesn’t have to be as strict with them bcuz Akane takes over most of the parenting, trust tho she’s still very involved in her kids’ lives. She probably has a binder to keep track of what’s going on with each of them

• I mentioned before that I see Aoi becoming a florist in the future, I see Akane becoming a therapist. He uses a bunch of psychology tricks to parent their kids, but he has a habit of using too many technical terms when he gives advice. “No honey, you just need to develop an internal locus of control.” The kids and Aoi are both very tired of it. He would absolutely love being a dad tho and be the biggest family guy ever

• They have a sign on their front porch that says smth like “Home of Aoi Aoi Aoi Aoi Aoi Aoi Aoi Aoi Aoi Aoi Aoi Aoi Aoi Aoi & Aoi❤️”

• Their home life is very chaotic and stressful at times but it’s built on so much love and dedication. Akane and Aoi are both living their dream lives (likely with a lot of nannies) (or with Akane quitting his job to be a househusband after him and Aoi rock-paper-scissored over who got to do it) (Aoi didn’t speak to him for a week after he won)

Natsuteru

• Oh wow it is hard for me to imagine them as parents

• I say they would have two sons (I’m loosely basing this off a series one of my moots @/teru.kisser made on TikTok)

• No matter who he’s with, Teru is gonna be a helicopter. His parental instincts come before anything else in his life so he fully dedicates himself to the kids. He either has some cool ass job like a private investigator or he’s a stay at home dad, no in between (no he’s not an exorcist in this I’m letting him be happy). He dotes on the kids all the time but can be overly strict in order to keep them safe

• Natsuhiko tries to be the fun dad but he’s so aloof that the kids don’t know much about him. Some kind of super secretive job. His and Teru’s parenting styles tend to conflict so they essentially parent separately. They argue a lot bcuz of their differences but they manage to make it work because both of them are deeply in love with each other. Their kids frequently question how they ended up together

• They take the boys to amusement parks a lot

• While the household can be a bit tense and they could definitely use some family counseling, they all love each other a lot. None of them know how to express it bcuz they’re all so secretive in their own ways but they care about each other more than anything. It’s a weird life but a charming one

Kounene

• Old married couple Kounene save me…old married couple Kounene…save me old married couple Kounene

• Two sons and a daughter. That’s the vibe I’m getting

• Kou has some deep-seated issues he’s unwilling to address but he makes up for it by loving his wife and kids Gomez Addams style. Mans is fully devoted to his family and he makes sure to tell them that every day. I might let him go the exorcist route bcuz I want to see him suffer a lot little. He’s there at every sports game his kids have yelling at the ref. He makes Nene breakfast in bed every morning. One thing abt Kou is he’s gonna spoil the ppl he loves

• Writer!Nene is still a thing in this universe, she has her own trauma and writes to make sense of it. She’s a bit better with the kids because when they need her help, she focuses more on understanding why they’re upset as opposed to Kou who solely focuses on solving all their problems. She has a hard time keeping up with all their extracurricular activities but she supports them nonetheless

• All of Kou and Nene’s friends admire them for being high school sweethearts

• They’re a stereotypical sitcom family. Corny life lessons at the end of each day. The kids get into shenanigans. They probably have a dog too, a golden retriever. It’s a whole bit

Single Dad Lemon

• I love this one, we need more single parent rep

• I’m gonna say he has a son

• I really want to go with some tropey story of how he was living a rough lifestyle and found a troubled kid that he had to look out for and eventually he had to fix up his life to adopt the kid bcuz they changed each other’s lives but would that be too corny?? Maybe he just up and decided he wanted to be a dad someday. Maybe his baby mama left him. You decide

• He would be one of those dads that acts like an older brother at times but in a good way. Instead of rising to his rebellious son’s bait, he meets him halfway, confronting him abt his bs without putting up with it. One of those parents you can swear around but he will throw in a half-hearted “Language.” It’s rocky at first but they end up super close, a rare instance of finding a parent who is genuinely your best friend

• Their house is a mess but it’s a home <3 Similar to the Kounene family they’d probably have a sitcom type lifestyle, the Boy Meets World to Kounene’s Full House. The kid throws a party while Lemon is a way and they have to have a heart-to-heart about it. Cue the tears

I hope you enjoyed these, I had a lot of fun making them!! I’m pleasantly surprised I’ve gotten so many asks about this, I thought most fans hated fankid stuff so I’m happy to see I’m not the only one who like to imagine what these characters would be like in the future

[the-dumpster-fire-of-life]

Hc's for Bill or Tom with a reader who has a rough time with affection. She enjoys receiving it and tries her best to give it back but only with her boy, no one else. She can get very defensive if her vulnerability is mentioned too much. She's also super protective?

(yo! Sure! Sorry if these suck but I tried man! Here ya go! Enjoy)

He'll Take Anything

He wholeheartedly gets it

He's not a fan of being touched all the time except by people he knows

With the exception of fans, but he's not to hyped about them just touching him whenever they want

People gotta have boundaries

But he did love giving you his affection

Like hand holding, kissing you, hugging you, holding his arm around you

The whole nine yards

He thought you liked it because you smiled and never rejected it but he noticed how you didn't give it back like he did

Just little bits here and there

He thought you just didn't like affection or were maybe uncomfortable

He didn't want to assume though and just drop affection all together so he asked you about it

It started off as a joke but when you actually opened up about it he took it seriously

He listened and asked questions but other than that, he understood

So he took any affection you were willing to give

Any was open to him and he loved receiving it either way

He's still Bill, he's still gonna flirt, he's gonna tease and he's still gonna show you off like the proud boyfriend he is

He noticed how you only gave him your little affections though

Only him

And boy was he so proud of himself

He was the special one who got the only affection from you!

He doesn't bring up your habit though because he saw how you get defensive about it

Mainly because a woman in an interview asked about it

She brought up on how the only pictures anyone had confirming you two were a couple was when Bill was the one holding you or kissing you

You never seemed to give it back or embrace it, as she put it

And you got pissed off and defensive

Bill defended you because he knew why you have a rough time with it

If it's a past issue, or you just don't like it, don't matter why but Bill understands

He wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable with it

That's why if you ask him not to, or to stop touching you, he will

Within a heartbeat

He would never purposely make you uncomfortable

And another thing was that he noticed how you got more protective of him??

You were pretty protective over him before you started dating due to feelings and people sometimes made him uncomfortable to the point you stepped in almost ready to fight

But he noticed how much it increased when you got together

And he is not complaining bitch

Secretly likes it, finds it a bit hot

Just watching you go off and is like

"...Oh my god…I pulled that?"

His internal monologue all the time with a hand over his mouth

You may hold his hand in public, you may just kiss him for the hell of it just to show off and say back off bitch

He loves it either way

Gets flustered a bit but recovers with a smitten smile

Boy is down bad and we're living for it

He don't care if you have a rough time with affection, you try and that's all he can ask for because he loves you genuinely sm

You put up with his ass and I think that's enough for a lifetime

[dragondemoness]

Hey!! It's 🌼 Anon again ❤️! (Here with angst as you have wanted 😈)

I wanted to know if I could request fuyuhiko (a bit of a new thing for me 💀), mondo, Chihiro, ryoma, and Akane with a s/o that has horrible luck when it comes to dating. (projection 😯) like everyone they've dated ended up being horrible, it didn't go well or work well, something s/o couldn't control was an issue, ect.

And it's to the point thier scared of being with someone, going out with someone, ect. Or feel like it's the world telling them that they shouldn't date anyone or that they'll never be loved. Kinda a hurt/comfort but I don't want you to hold back on the hurt part 🥹 (still want some fluff though 😣💕 obviously)

Your wish is my command >:3

Warnings: Yelling, swearing, minor arguments, insecurities

Fuyuhiko, Mondo, Chihiro, Ryoma and Akane With an S/O Who Has Bad Luck with Dating

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu

He doesn't get why you're so anxious around him

Sure, he's a yakuza boss, but it's not like he's killed anyone

Recently

He's been as gentle as he can be, but you're still so stiff when you're out together

You can barely even make eye contact with him

It kind of frustrates him honestly

On your fifth date, he planned to make things official

But you stared at your lap and fidgeted with your fingers anxiously

At that point, he had enough

"Look, I've done everything I can do for you, and you can't even look me in the fuckin' eyes! What the hell is your problem?! You're lucky I even asked you out, and you're just gonna sit around like an ungrateful little--?!"

He stopped himself before he could finish

That unfortunately made things worse, and you stood up and rushed out with tears in your eyes

He internally berated himself for being stupid before going after you

"Hey, uh... Look, I'm sorry for blowin' up at you. I just don't get why you're so afraid to date me. I've been trying to be gentle, but like... I-Is there something I'm missing?"

"...What's the point?"

"Huh?"

"Every date I've been on, everything went to shit. It either ended right in the middle, something came up and we had to stop, or my date turned out to be a gigantic asshat. And this one didn't go well either, so what's the point in trying anymore? The universe clearly doesn't want me to be happy."

Fuyuhiko looked at you in sadness

He felt even worse for lashing out at you before

He awkwardly approached you and placed his hand on yours

"...I'm sorry. I had no idea."

After that, he asked to give it another shot, and you agreed

He promised to be gentler and more patient with you, and he delivered

He got better at containing his anger, and you started feeling more and more comfortable with him

Once he officially asked you out, things only got better from there

He really likes you, and he doesn't want to ruin it, especially after so many of your other dates had gone wrong before

Chihiro Fujisaki

He doesn't have a lot of experience with dating

The few crushes he did have were put off by him, either by him "being weak for a boy," or by dressing as a girl

But you were sweet to him, and you never judged him for anything

So naturally, he got feelings for you and asked you out

He made conversation with you, but you seemed really uncomfortable for some reason

He was worried that he did something wrong, and he got anxious too

"Hey, um... Is everything okay? Did I do something wrong?"

"Huh? No, it's just... Every date I've been on went wrong, and I just don't seem to have good luck with these things. And I like you a lot, so I really want this to work out, but... The universe doesn't seem to want that for me."

He looked at you sadly before taking your hand in his

"I'm sorry to hear that, (Name). I know it might feel that way, but you deserve to be happy. And if you don't want to continue this date, I understand. But I'll never do anything to hurt you, I promise."

He then gave you a reassuring smile that helps ease your doubts

He seemed genuine, so you agreed to keep it going

And ever since then, he treated you with nothing but kindness

He understood your worries and was very patient with you

And you ended up developing a nice relationship

Mondo Owada

He's also not the most gentle guy

He's loud, he's scary, he's angry

But he fell for you, and he asked you out

Even the way he approached you was intimidating, but you gave it a chance, even though you knew it was probably gonna go to hell

While you were on the date, you kept your gaze away from his and only spoke when he spoke first

He doesn't remember acting like a jerk to you, so why are you so weird around him?

Eventually, he got frustrated and slammed his hands on the table

"Hey! What the fuck's your problem?! I took time out of my day to take you on a date, and this is the thanks I get?! I didn't do a damn thing to you, and you're clearly into me, so why don't you fuckin' act like it?!'

That caused you to tear up and bail on the date, leaving Mondo there alone, feeling angry at himself

He left you alone for the rest of the night before approaching you the next day with a bouquet of flowers

"Hey, uh... Look, sorry about yesterday."

You looked at him in surprise

Anytime someone bailed on a date or lashed out at you, they never apologized or tried to reach out to you

You could only stare at him in surprise, making him feel even more awkward

"Jeez, what's that look for? I'm tryin' to make it right."

"But... Why?"

"Huh?"

"Why are you trying? Every date I've ever been on ended terribly, and so did ours. The universe clearly doesn't want me to date anyone, so why are you here?"

He looked at you in surprise, and he finally understood your behavior from the night before

He felt even worse for lashing out at you

"Hey, look. I'm sorry for yelling at you last night. I was just mad that you were acting so weird, but now I get it. It's not gonna happen again, I swear. So... If you wanna give this another shot, what do you say I pick you up at 8:00? I swear this date will be better."

You were hesitant, but you agreed

And true to his word, Mondo was much more gentle with you

The date went much better, and as you kept going out together, you started to find hope again

Ryoma Hoshi

He's not loud or angry, just really quiet and awkward

He's not really the type of guy who chooses to socialize in his free time

But he still ended up falling for you, and after he came to terms with it, he asked you out

For some reason, you were even more stiff and awkward than he was

He found himself trying to start the conversation, in sharp contrast to his usual quiet demeanor

Eventually, he just asked what the issue was

"Hey, kid. Did I do something to make you uncomfortable? If you're just awkward, I get it, but is there anything I can do to make it easier?"

"No, it's not you. I just don't have great luck when it comes to dating."

"Oh."

Is that all?

He's not gonna ask what happened, but he lets you know that he's really into you, and that he's not gonna ditch you or treat you badly

You're the only one who's ever made him feel this way, and he's damn well not gonna screw it up

Akane Owari

She's not terribly aggressive, but she's not the most gentle either

She's well-known for her strength, and for getting violent on occasion

But she has a gentle side, and it caused her to develop feelings for you

She was confident when she asked you out, but she didn't know just how nervous you were

Seeing you so stiff and uncomfortable confused her, and she didn't ask about it until you tried to make an excuse to leave

"Hey, what gives? Aren't ya havin' a good time? Come to think of it, you've been actin' weird this whole time. What's your deal?"

"Sorry, it's just... I've gone on dates before, and none of them went well at all. It was either the person I was with, or something came up that I couldn't control. I just don't have good luck with these things."

"Ohhhh. Well, you don't hafta worry. I'm not gonna hurt ya or anything like that. I'm really into you, ya know? And I'm definitely not gonna screw over a sweet person like you!"

With that, you continued your date, and you grew more comfortable as you did so

Now that Akane knew about your past unfortunate experiences, she made sure to be patient with you, and not to get too aggressive with you

And your relationship only got better from there

[youngyoo-apologist]

OG Choi Han they could never make me hate you cause if some random rich boy was yelling at me and telling me my family deserved to die like a day after it happened and all I wanted was to know how I could get help I’d beat him up too

This plus the added fact that the Harris Village people were the first people to take Choi Han in and take care of him after years and years in the dark forest. Like he’s obviously not going to be mentally stable after all that, and he was so young when everything happened to him like I cannot blame him at all. I don’t think I can ever hate OG Choi Han like ever, he’s flawed, he has problems, but I love him dearly. He deserves the world. This kid who had to fight for his life, was taken away from his family, and in the process had to give up parts of his own humanity to survive, and like went to war two years later, they could never make me hate u OG Choi Han…

Like yeah violence is bad I guess but OG Cale had it coming(saying this as an OG Cale fan, I love him, but he was mean as hell when he was younger!)

If I’m honest, I think they were both in the wrong to an extent. Like OG Cale shouldn’t have said all that no matter the circumstances, and OG Choi Han shouldn’t have beaten him up so much. But u say mean shit and you get hit, that is how it will work when you’re talking to the guy who just saw his entire village get murdered like idkkkk man

I understand where OG Cale was coming from, but he had many issues and while he wasn’t an awful person, he was capable of doing bad things because of his own internalized pain and emotions that he never got to properly process because of his emotionally distant childhood and relationship with his father who should have been there for him more when he was younger.

Okay speaking of his childhood, Deruth isn’t the WORST father in the world but there are a lot of things he could have done better. I think a lot of Deruth’s flaws come from his fear of failure and messing up. He’s scared of doing the wrong thing, and so he sticks to doing what he knows and using what he knows best. That’s why he uses his money, that’s why gift giving is his way of showing affection, he knows that it is one thing he cannot mess up.

The problem is that money and gifts is NOT what OG Cale needed. I think what that guy needed the most was a parent who wasn’t afraid to talk to him, to ask him questions. Not to say that Deruth gave up on OG Cale, but I think in a way he gave up on OG Cale by giving up on himself. Deruth didn’t trust himself to have the capabilities to talk to OG Cale, which is why he never did. It’s because that Deruth was scared, and didn’t trust himself, that he could never face OG Cale

If Deruth was able to trust himself a little more, and pull himself together, I don’t think OG Cale would have turned out the way he did. As a kid, he probably thought the only way he could help his family without relying on anyone(no doubt this whole ‘I have to do it myself’ thing came from the fact that he couldn’t rely on his father when his mom died, and instead was acting as a pillar of support for his father when it should have been the other way around) was to sabotage himself, the only heir. If he was shown to be unfit to be heir, then everyone else would have no choice but to direct their hatred towards him instead of his family.

If Deruth had talked to his son at least ONCE when he was a kid, asking him why he was upset or why he did the things he did, I think OG Cale would have told him. Why? Because he’s a kid!! A kid will obviously want to rely on his father, if he just had one sign telling him that he didn’t have to do it alone I’m 90% sure OG Cale would have said something.

Basically, while Deruth isn’t the worst father, he’s not really a great father either. I think he does do his best, but he has issues with communication lol

OG Cale and OG Choi Han are both complex characters and had their own reasons to behave the way they did. The thing is with people is that they’re complicated and have layers, so the situation with them would have layers behind it as well with multiple co-existing truths and stuff

[nightcolorz]

Can you talk a little more about how you view gender roles in the vampire chronicles vs amc iwtv bc I feel like sth is missing from amc compared to tvc that i can't place

I would love to !! (Explodes) I have so many tvc gender thoughts. So so many. 

I believe the major disconnect between the show vs the books and gender is the place and perspective the writer’s are coming from. Something I really love about Anne Rice’s writing (and really hate sometimes lol) is that she didn’t think about themes or implications at all when she wrote. She just purged her story onto the page and themes and patterns just end up there. This means that every bit of consistency and meaning in tvc comes from something Anne Rice had fixed into her subconscious that she without realizing is putting into her work. So when it comes to gender, in tvc it’s all personal feelings of Anne rice’s. This differs in the show that obviously has a team of writers who put a lot of thought in about public reception and meaning and all. So these perspectives color how gender (and everything basically) is presented.

Anne Rice had some complicated feelings about gender. I’m not going to go too deep into that bcus that’s not what I want this post to be about, but in summarization she had a combination of problematic biases and internalizations that came from a Catholic upbringing in the 40s-50s and some apparent gender dysphoria or at least disconnect with womanhood and gender/gender roles in general. She’s spoken about not understanding gender or feeling like a woman. This comes off very strongly in how she presents her vampires as androgynous, almost genderless beings. It’s a reoccurring theme in tvc that vampirism takes away the burdens of gendered expectations and gives vampires the freedom of self expression and androgyny. It makes sense why a concept like this would speak to a trans person like me, so it’s a big part of why I prefer the book’s handling of gender. Of course Anne Rice also has problematic gender biases, so her presentation of being an androgynous being free of gender roles is flawed, since gender roles are very ingrained in her mindset, which adds to my dissatisfaction with the show’s handling, which could’ve been so good if they took what Anne Rice tried to do and enhanced it.

Anyways, when it comes to tvc there’s also Anne Rice’s subconscious projection of her irl struggles onto her characters. A handful of Anne Rice’s insecurities and struggles came from, well, being a woman, and since her characters r so much of the time vessels to vent her problems through, a strange occurrence happens where her vastly male cast is struggling in ways that would be relatable to women and people who face misogyny and/or internalized misogyny. (Cough cough this is especially apparent with Louis and Armand cough cough).All of this wasn’t conscious on Anne Rice’s part, it’s just a natural consequence of how personal her writing was. An outlier to the “cis men experiencing misogyny” phenomenon is Gabrielle, who I could write a whole essay on, one of the few afab characters who also has projected gender problems by Anne Rice syndrome, but since she is afab she just ends up coming off as a gnc/transmasc/ftm person dealing with gender dysphoria. 

Then there’s the show, which disclaimer I like the show a lot, but boy do I have Issues with it. I could be wrong, we only have one season, but it doesn’t seem like the show is attempting to tackle the “vampires are genderless” concept. They definitely do things with androgyny and gender roles, but not in the context of “messing around with/being free of these things is amazing”. Vampirism in iwtv seems to only enforce gender, weirdly enough. Let me explain!

Ok, so what the show seems to be doing with gender roles is using the concept of a “nuclear family” and our expectations of what that entails to assert the dynamic of Louis, Lestat, and Claudia’s familial relationship. Through utilizing tropes and imagery associated with a nuclear family the viewers are easily able to pick up on the subtext and conflicts that the show is presenting us with, bcus we all know the nuclear family. I think comparing the rue royal family to a nuclear family is interesting in concept, but in execution, I’m not a fan. I think if the show went a different route, and had Louis frame the story in a way that compares his life to familiar hetero, mortal family conventions for the sake of being sympathetic and understandable to Daniel and readers, without that being the literal dynamic of the characters, that could’ve been interesting. Also, I like the concept of oppressive systems like gender roles becoming oppressive in different ways for vampires, since “vampirism isn’t freeing it just gives u different problems” is a theme of the show that I rlly like, esp bcus Anne rice was rarely able to decide if vampirism was super fun or tortuous. But that doesn’t seem to be what the show is doing. Lestat, Louis, and Claudia literally just fit into your stereotypical abusive nuclear family tropes. Sometimes things are switched around and subverted, but for the most part it’s pretty consistent. Anne Rice’s personal projections onto the characters is nearly nonexistent, most glaringly for Lestat. I don’t like this, it doesn’t make sense for the characters, and it also simplifies their dynamic and conflict in the book to be much less interesting in my opinion. 

Sometimes the show will show us characters breaking gender expectations, Lestat occasionally or Antoinette cross dressing (speaking of Antoinette I’ll get to her), but none of these moments seem to mean anything adjacent to “vampires are genderless or gender-fluid and this is freeing for them. These moments seem to align more closely with imagery associated with queer coded villains during the Hayes code era. Both Lestat and Antoinette are being particularly grotesque and villainous during their gnc moments, which aligns with the old hollywood vibe that the show seems to be going for, which is mildly cool, but not particularly compelling or relatable to me beyond that. And it definitely doesn’t have the type of resonance that the books do when it comes to gender nonconformity. 

So, I think Antoinette is the prime example of this. Antoine in the books was a young man, 19 years old, who Lestat used in a way that was reminiscent of how a cheating husband would use a mistress. He fooled around sexually with this younger man and also confided to him in ways he didn’t his “husband” (Louis), escaping to him when he was fed up with his family at home to blow off steam and vent his struggles, the way he does with Antoinette in the show. But Antoine himself did not have the stereotypical personality of a “mistress”, he was naive and well intentioned, didn’t realize he was being used and that Louis was being hurt in the process. When Lestat tells him that he needs his help fighting back against his family he’s horrified and confused. Antoinette in the show is not this, she’s very much a “mistress”, and the sex change from book to show makes this even more annoying to me. It just seems like the show writers wanted to make the subtextual coding of Antonine’s character in the books annoyingly unsubtle text, by making Antonine the stereotypical evil and seductive female mistress, which I rlly hate. And also they removed any and all sympathy attached to Antoine’s  character in the process. (Side note ik ppl are gonna come at me with “oh but it’s from Louis’s perspective! That’s why Antoinette is treated that way, he hates her! And to that I say there is no evidence to support that, it hasn’t happened in the show, you made it up. And if it’s true and done well I’ll eat my words, but for now my opinion is based on what is in the show, and it prob won’t change until we get new content.)

There’s more, like how Louis fulfills the traditionally female roles in marriage (cleaning, taking care of the kids, etc) which is kind of gnc, but only so that the show can frame him as more of a stereotypical abuse victim, and not to say anything interesting about how vampirism gives people more opportunities to explore gender fluidity in ways they find freeing. The show uses gender roles to non subtly code the characters in ways that are easily digestible and relatable to a cis audience. That’s my main gripe, gender in AMC’s iwtv is very cis. 

What I love about the books is how fluid gender is with the characters. Lestat is very feminine and very masculine, so is Louis, these traits can co exist without ever contradicting each other. But ig that was too complicated and varied for the show to want to tackle, just like the complex mutual toxicity of loustat’s relationship, which was dumbed down so much also. I feel like the show writers didn’t know what to do with a gay relationship where both men are feminine and masculine and also both men have complex trauma and traits that make their relationship unhealthy + a hot mess, and instead just reframed loustat to be traditional abusive relationship we’ve seen a billon times in media.

In conclusion, the show could very well change my mind and portray gender/gender roles in a way that I enjoy, but for now I’m unsatisfied. I want to be wrong ultimately. If you like how gender is handled in the show feel free to disagree, but plz don’t come at me with anger. I’m happy to have a discussion, I’m very interested in this topic, but I don’t want to humor you if you’re rude. And if you want to talk more about the books and gender I’d be more then happy, feel free to dm me or send me an ask or reply to this post, I love the androgyny of the books sm and love talking about it. Thank you anon sm for sending the ask <3 I’ve been wanting to talk about this.

[sleepingpopplio]

Izuku Midoriya and confronting a complicated past— an analysis

With the upcoming arc in the anime about to come after next week’s episode, I think that it’s important to talk about Izuku as a character, and everything that has led him to this moment and this particular arc in the series. While there is a lot going on in that Kid’s head, most of the things that directly cause Deku to act the way he does during his vigilante time has been left unsaid and up to the reader to pick up on. This could be seen as sloppy writing, but it could also be seen as a great use of subtlety to create a slow downward spiral for our protagonist that can be incredibly rewarding for readers who take the time to do some extra sleuthing. So before the arc begins, and before the inevitable controversy on whether or not the arc was rushed or came out of nowhere, how about we take a close look at Izuku Midoriya as a character and his depth that is often ignored. Let’s take a peek at how his entire arc is filled with tragedy, hope, and the importance of confronting one’s past. Sit back, grab a snack, and enjoy my first in depth BNHA analysis where I hope to give manga readers who are currently watching the anime some added perspective. Also disclaimer: I love all the characters in this series and will not be bashing on any of them, as I feel as though it would be undermining the messages of the story and the depth of the characters. Nothing I say is meant to be putting down any characters and I am not blaming any single character for Izuku’s struggles. All fans of any characters are safe and welcome to enjoy this.

At the beginning of the series during the very first line from our protagonist, which is something that is supposed to help the audience understand the type of story they are about to read— Izuku says “people are not born equal”. He also states that he learned that fact at the young age of four years old. From the very beginning, Deku was made to believe that he is less than everyone else. Less than those with quirks, and therefore less of a human. Quirks, literally translated from Japanese, mean individuality. To be quirkless, in the eyes of MHA’s society, is to be without a soul. Or at least, that is what can be understood by a small child who simply wants to belong. Therefore, deku internalizes form a young age that he inherently has less value as a quirkless boy, and such internalizing severely damages his perception of himself for the rest of the series. He’s a useless deku that does not have much to contribute. However, during the very same first scene we also see Izuku fighting back against the kids trying to beat him up. Despite the odds stacked against him, Izuku midoriya is determined to prove himself. He’s determined to prove to others, and to himself, that he has value. He is also determined to keep moving forward despite society seemingly turning him away. But children need time to process their emotions. They need time to learn and talk through the issues they’re facing. Izuku does not do that. He keeps fighting, he keeps wanting to be a hero, but he doesn’t talk to any adult around him about how he feels. He doesn’t get told that he is perfect the way he is, or that he doesn’t have to prove anything. What happens when such insecurities and trauma are not given the space to heal at an early age? Well let’s move forward a few years…

When Deku meets all might, and demonstrates his innate and pure heroism when he runs to save Bakugo from the sludge villain, he is offered a once an a lifetime chance: One For All. He is told that he can become a hero, and is aided in training to use the quirk and get into UA. By this point, Izuku’s self esteem issues that stemmed from his childhood and the the perception of quirklessness that was placed upon him by the world around him have only grown. He wants to be a hero, but he also has become quiet and reserved, as he thinks of himself more as an afterthought. He wants to help people, because he cares and he is a kind hearted individual, but also because he want to be useful. He has to be a useful hero, but how? The quirk of One For All thus represents a way to be useful in the way that Izuku thinks is correct, which is by being a quirked individual. So what happens when you give a kid with extreme self esteem issues, and who views himself as flawed for simply being himself, a very powerful quirk along side the opportunity to become a hero? That child latched onto the quirk like a lifeline. They have to make good use of their new quirk; they have to utilize the blessing granted to them or else they will remain useless and will be left behind. Izuku will work hard to earn his quirk because he feels as though he is unworthy, even though he already proved himself the second that his body moved on its own. Therefore, the second Izuku is given his quirk, he begins the cycle of using it as an unhealthy coping mechanism and source of validation. He is more hopeful than ever when given the quirk, but his unhealthy mindset is also given the power to run rampant. This is the story of a boy becoming the greatest hero he says, so early on in the series, but it also of a boy desperately trying to become more than he currently is, for better and for worse.

This then leads to the beginning of his time at UA, where Izuku, in addition to clinging onto his quirk as a replacement for his self esteem, begins reclaiming the meaning of his nickname Deku. “Deku is the name of a hero” he declares, and while taking back the power from his former bully and standing up for himself is an incredibly uplifting moment or Izuku in the beginning of the manga, there is another side of the coin that is the reclamation of Deku. Izuku Midoriya feels as though he has to be the new, hero Deku, or else there is nothing else worthwhile about him. He has to prove himself as a true hero or else he’ll have to go back to the old, useless Deku…He’ll forever be left behind. So, he breaks himself. Over, and over, and over again. The hero named Deku breaks his limbs time and time again, because if he doesn’t push himself to the brink, then he hasn’t done enough, and therefore he has failed the quirk that he was blessed with and failed the people who have helped him. The sentiment that he needs to hurt himself, or even nearly get himself killed, is incredibly concerning and could even be seen as suicidal ideology. Furthermore, this ideology creates an intense fear that follows Izuku wherever he goes, and even causes him to blame himself in scenarios where it’s not his fault at all, such as the summer camp arc where he was nearly killed by muscular, yet still beats himself up over Bakugo’s capture.

Another development that occurs at the beginning of Izuku’s time at UA is the start of an insurmountable amount of pressure being placed on his shoulders. When Izuku first received One For All, he was told that he could use the quirk to achieve his dreams of being a hero. He knew nothing of its past, and was given no indication that he had to live up to it. Yet, during the tournament arc Allmight begins mentioning the idea of Izuku becoming the next symbol of peace. While an honor to have, being the number one hero and an international symbol was not what Izuku, a fourteen year old kid at the time of the sludge villian attack, signed up for. Yet, he takes on the responsibility with a nervous smile on his face, and the shadow of all might begins following him. Next, he learned about the horrifying figure that is All For One, and Izuku is told that he may have to fight him one day; He may have to fight someone that he had previously thought to be nothing more than an urban legend. The child who wanted to become a hero now has to be prepared to fight the demon lord. Moreover, these revelations begin the process of Izuku placing more and more pressure on himself to be the best hero possible. He cannot afford to make a mistake. He cannot afford to be useless, because the legacy of One For All demands that he be exceptional. Afterall, he’s the ninth user. Do the wants of Izuku Midoriya really matter more than the fate of the world?

During all of this, Izuku slowly becomes more comfortable with his quirk, and grows in confidence. He truly becomes equals with Bakugo and works with him to mend their relationship, and he also develops his shoot style in an effort to move away from imitating All might. These things are all possible development for Izuku’s character and also gradually take place as the series goes on. After so many years of being quiet, he finally opens himself up again; He opens himself up to love from his peers, and opens himself up to new experiences. He also becomes more willing to talk back to others, as demonstrated by his attitude towards Endeavor, and later his more frequent and friendly banter with Bakugo. However, the self esteem issues and insecurities never go away, and Deku still breaks himself every chance he gets. The pressure also still continues to build as Allmight retires, and Izuku becomes truly trapped in his role as the successor. He accepts his role, and is happy to be serving others, but Allmight’s retirement leaves a void that Izuku feels as though there is no one else left to fill but himself. There’s no backing out now, and Izuku’s quirk development now has to speed up or else he will never be able to fill that void. He also witnesses the might of All For One in person, and the nightmare of him having to face the demon lord becomes even more of a reality. Through all of this, Izuku still refuses to talk about his feelings with his peers or the adults around him, and instead he decides to keep marching forward without taking any time to let himself, or his mind, rest. The only sliver of hope for Izuku’s mental well-being is the fact that he still allows himself to cry. Therefore, the shadow of responsibility that followed Izuku morphs into a massive weight on his shoulders that helps to steer his development backwards and into character regression.

Izuku’s mental health then takes a turn for the worst after the Overhaul arc, which was also a turning point for the series with its dark tone. As Izuku sees for himself the real horrors of the criminal underground, he once again blames himself for Eri’s circumstances and his inability to save someone. Through this experience, Izuku becomes so entrenched in the idea of becoming the perfect hero that he even begins denying himself the right to cry. He says that “heroes don’t cry”, and other characters such as Todoroki are shocked at the statement by their friend. Crying was one of Deku’s last healthy coping mechanisms, and he loses that too. Nighteye’s death cements this fact, as it is actually the last time that Deku sincerely cries in series, before the end of vigilante arc. All other times that he cries moving forward form this point are played off as gags, and thus Izuku represses his emotions to an extent that is even foreign to him, as someone who has been suppressing his emotions since he was a small child. It should also be noted that this arc highlight’s Deku’s uncertainty as a holder of One For All. This shows that no matter how much Deku’s confidence improves, he will continuously view himself as not good enough and fear the return of the former “useless” Deku. In addition, the overhaul arc also highlights Izuku’s loss of innocence. As I said before, Izuku is exposed to the true cruelties & horrors of the villian underground, but this development is not new. Dating back to the Stain arc, Izuku has been gradually losing more and more of his innocence. Even when he endured a very difficult childhood, Deku was at least able to told onto hope and be optimistic for the future, but being thrusted into the world of heroes takes the bright eyes boy and chips away at his soul. He keeps going, because as always he refuses to give himself time to heal, but the Izuku at the end of the Overhaul arc is not the same person as we was when he first enrolled in UA, and he never will be again. The fear, responsibility, and loss of innocence all culminate to send the mental health of Izuku Midoriya into a free fall, but he would never admit it. Instead, he keeps on smiling.

We are getting close to the vigilante arc (I hope you’ve been enjoying this so far!), but one final significant development in Izuku’s mental state occurs during the Class 1-A and Class 2-A training session, where he is once again given responsibilities that he never asked for. At this point, Izuku’s confidence has grown exponentially, but on further inspection much of that confidence seems to be misplaced. You see, while Izuku becomes extremely confident in his use of One For All, he still remains insecure about himself as an individual. He still lives in fear of being useless, and constantly needs to prove himself. This is because Izuku Midoriya the individual is being slowly left behind, while the Deku the hero becomes comfortable with his quirk because if he can’t master his quirk then he has nothing. He is nothing… Then Blackwhip appears, and Izuku has to relearn his quirk even though he had already been working fro months to get to to the place he’s currently at. It feels like a slap to the face, but now that Izuku has now more formally met the vestiges, he’s given no choice but to accept his new quirks in addition to his role in “completing One For All,” as The 1st user puts it. Izuku Midoriya fades even more, the incredible amount of responsibility grows even more, and the hero Deku sees himself as nothing else but the ninth holder. Most of this understanding of Izuku’s mental state is not actually spoken of out loud in the manga/anime, but the context clues of the events leading up to this moment (as shown by all the writing before this), Izuku’s facial expressions, and the events afterward help strip away the smile that Izuku is so determined to keep on his face almost the entire arc and show high Izuku’s walls have grown around his internal anguish. Therefore, the metaphorical vault shown that Izuku uses to lock away his quirks is also used to lock away his emotions once and for all. The only leak in this facade that we have until the end of the vigilante arc is…

Izuku’s character regression has already been set in stone by the time the war arc comes around, but what is important to note is how his repressed emotions manifest in the form of his intense rage. We’ve seen this before, with how Izuku becomes incredibly intimidating and unhinged during his fights with villains such as Muscular and Stain. All For One’s theme even plays in the anime as Izuku fights Overhaul to represent how monstrous he is int eh eyes of villains during battle. The difference during this arc is that other characters are finally catching on to just how toxic Izuku’s ideology has become. Bakugo in particular takes takes note of just how not ok it is for Izuku to not take himself into account, and shows visible concern while Izuku fights with Shigaraki in the air. Not only is Izuku being destructive to himself, but he also lashes out so harshly that is seems though he intends to kill Shigaraki in the moment. But to Izuku, he has no other choice. He is Deku, a hero, and the Deku who always does his best. Deku himself veery clearly states during this arc that he will no longer be the useless deku, and with that statement he resolves to kill the remnants of Izuku Midoriya, the quirkiness kid with bright eyes, himself. He cannot afford to be useless. He refuses. He will kill himself during this fight with Shigaraki if that’s what it takes to be a hero who saves everyone and a hero who is worthy of being the ninth holder of one for all. Finally, everything has come full circle, and the name Deku starts as something negative, then is given hope to become something positive, but then once again becomes a toxic image within Izuku’s life. That is why it is so important when Izuku is called by his first name in the vigilante arc— because Izuku Midoriya, both the quirkiness child and the current person, are deserving of love and have value beyond their quirk. Izuku is more than One For All, but unfortunately all of his repressed emotions that have been highlighted throughout this entire analysis have to explode out of him in order for him to heal. In addition, Deku and the repression of his emotions has led him to push everyone else away, even back when he was smiling nonstop. The war arc simply showcases ho bad that seclusion has gotten, and that when it comes down to it Deku will purposely exclude his peers in order to suffer alone.

Izuku, in the vigilante arc, will simply be the ninth holder of One For All, whose only purpose and value lies in defeating All For One himself. Furthermore, at the center of this entire discussion, is the fact that Izuku is afraid of his past. All of his self esteem issues come from such a young age, and yet he does not know what else to do besides run from it. Izuku Midoriya is a character that is so defined by his past, yet is so desperate to escape it. Therefore, he will need to be reminded by his loved ones that the cycle of trauma that he has endured throughout his life does not have to continue. He can choose his own way. He is not shackled by his past, and thus healing is possible. It’s not too late, and all he needs is his friends to remind him of why he is loved for his heart, and not his quirk. Therefore there is no singular character that got through to Deku. All of 1-A saved the boy who was so desperate to save anyone but himself.

With that said…

Deku’s entire arc throughout the series leading up to the vigilante arc has been filled with regression, in the sense that the heros around him place more and more pressure on him to the point that he does not consider himself human, but rather a tool that has no value outside of One For All. This is the story of a boy that becomes the greatest hero, but also of a boy that was stripped of his innocence and beaten down by a system that rejected him since the beginning, yet he still dreamed of being a part of. The entire vigilante/villain hunt arc brings together all of the pent up pain and self-loathing that has been following him since the beginning of the series, and shows how everything that he’s been hiding has finally caught up to him. The pain and trauma that we see from Izuku in this arc was always there, and all it took was the war arc to trigger it to come forward. In conclusion, Izuku Midoriya is an extremely complicated character who has been on a fascinating downward spiral since the beginning of the series, and if readers can take the time to see how he got to where he is, then maybe we can at least better understand the context behind the vigilante/villain hunt arc, and the complexity behind My Hero Academia’s protagonist.

Credit to @mettywiththenotes for having the post that inspired this essay, and that I originally had the conclusion of this analysis posted under as a reblog. Also credit to @pikahlua’s mha discord server that I’m in for encouraging me to write this!!!

[alittlebitofloveliness]

To cope cause this week has not been a vibe, which outsiders character could you picture going through something like this?

I remember when I was really little I use to love wearing dresses and anything pink and girly. I loved to feel like a princess, but then I got a bit older and suddenly being girly was seen as silly and like weak?

The girls around me dressed more tomboyish and some of my friends closer to me would hang out with boys more and play sports. I didn't mind that of course but I felt out of place. Because it became VERY clear to me that a lot of people view being overly girly as weak or silly.

I think I internalized this HEAVILY because at a certain point I hated wearing dresses or anything overly girly. I stuck with alot of t-shirt and jeans after that and tried to act more boyish. Which backfired because then the boys thought I was weird and looked too much like a boy. And now I'm…I’m trying to get wear dresses and skirts again. But l'm scared that I separated myself from being girly and feminine to the point that I don’t know how to act like a girl again. Which kind of makes me sad, because I’m just reminded of that ten year old girl that I was who loved being girly, and wanted to look like a Disney princess.

Oh anon I wanna give you the absolute biggest big sister bear hug right now, you have no idea. I feel like this is something every little girl goes through to a point? I definitely did, I spent my whole childhood loving beatiful sparkly things, and all of middle school trying to prove I didn't. I think its part of the 'I'm not silly/shallow/foolish like other girls please take me seriously as a human' internalized misogyny thing that just about every girl goes through at some point, but it really sucks because obviously theres nothing wrong with liking feminine things and liking feminine things does not prevent women from being intelligent, full human beings deserving of respect, but shit the patriarchy goes hard and so many women have this phase. I'm so grateful that I worked to kind of unlearn that as best I could in high school because I really do love wearing dresses and doing my makeup and all my sparkly things and I was unhappy when I felt like i couldn't. Anyway, this is just a really long winded way of saying i totally understand where this is coming from, and also that being girly and liking stereotypically feminine things is not what MAKES someone a girl, and you're not failing at being one if you genuinely don't like dresses and makeup, but if you DO and you're struggling to embrace wearing them again (which it sounds like you are) that that's okay too because in time it will feel natural again, and you'll feel pretty and live your best disney princess dreams. (also if you ever need someone to hype you up or want makeup tips or anything I'm totally here for you! i ADORE fashion and playing with different styles and I have PERFECTED the bold red lip to the point its something I'm kind of known for on my uni campus, and basically I think i can help you learn to be excited about girly things again if you want to be).

ANYWAY, now i'm done yapping about that I can talk about which outsiders characters I think would struggle with this and (while I might get hate for it) I think SANDY definitely went through this phase. I see her as a character who has always felt powerless so she resorts to trying to take any power she could. As a lower class woman in the sixties, that would be hard for her to come by, so I think she'd try to reject femininity and all that womanhood entails for a while. Maybe her dad always treated her brothers better than he treated her so she always wanted to be more like them, or maybe when she struggled to make friends with the girls at school she turned to acting/dressing tomboyish to try and make friends with the boys.

Another one I could see with this same issue would be Susie Mathews. I think with a brother like Two-bit, who she loves but also sees and hears joking about and objectifying women, Susie would want to be nothing like the 'dumb blondes' her older brother is known for pursuing. I could also see her mother making comments here and there about the young women at the bar she works at so Susie might have also internalized that slut shaming mentality and dressed in more boyish attire so she wouldn't be seen as 'one of those girls'

Hope this was helpful and at least semi coherent I am running on very little sleep.

Thanks for the ask xx

[sarahowritesostucky]

📖"The Carter Academy for Omega Excellence"

Rated: Explicit (this Part is rated Teen)

Pairing: Bucky x Steve

Tags: age gap, boarding school au, a/b/o, dub-con/non-con, spanking, feminization, dumbification, sexism, misogyny, prostate milking, discipline, D/s elements, societal issues, hurt/comfort, mentions of past self-harm, onlyfans, predatory behavior

Summary: Steve gives Bucky's parents a tour of the school and promises to take excellent care of their son

Author's Note: *reformatted with a few age and plot changes to adhere to Tumblr's ToS*

(Wait! I haven't read Part 1 yet!)

Part 2 - A Pedagogy Steeped in Tradition

Most of Carter Academy’s international students are shipped over by their families, arriving with nothing but themselves and their luggage. So Steve is surprised when James’ parents fly in with him and ask for a tour of the campus. He obliges them of course, chatting easily with the mother, Winnifred, when he learns that she’s from Brooklyn, and making due with talk of football and how the Patriots are doing that season when the father, Ransom, insists that they’re Bostonians through and through. 

James, who has been brought to the school under the pretense that this is just a college scouting opportunity and mini vacation to England, is left behind in Steve’s office with Sharon and a security officer. Sharon is the employee whom Steve has decided to assign as Bucky’s alpha Handler. The security officer is just there to ensure that whatever fit the boy throws can be contained. Steve isn’t too worried about it. Omegas are simple creatures, easily molded and contained once you build a small rapport with them. It never takes much to redirect their focus and get them in line.

Steve takes the parents around the grounds. He shows them through the dormitories and some of the classrooms, the library and the dining hall. And though he’s absent his usual helper for an admissions pitch (Peggy always was the better salesman), he still does his best with the pleasantries, asking if they plan to visit long in England, pointing out all of the campus’ amenities, and giving them his practiced spiel about the school’s traditional methods for training up omegas to the very highest standards. “It’s old-fashioned, but we don’t see that as a bad thing. The way things are in the world today? People could do with a little old-fashioned right about now.”

“You don’t know how glad we are to have found this place,” Winnifred says at one point. “I love my son to death, but Ransom and I are at the end of our ropes. We’re both beta. We’ve tried talking with him, punishing him, but every step we take always seems to be the wrong one. … I’m afraid we just don’t understand what’s going on with him.”

“Not to worry at all. You’ve brought him to the right place.”

She worries about how Bucky will react when they break the news to him that he’s staying there. “He’s very strong-willed, you know,” she tells Steve, wringing her hands. “I worry about how he’ll take it—”

“It’s alright, ma’am,” Steve assures her. “This is a reform school, after all. The majority of our students are enrolled after age eighteen, brought in by their parents when they can’t adapt to traditional college life.” He says ‘traditional college life’ with a gigantic fucking eye roll, and Winnifred nods along and parrots her fears about Bucky heading off to college in the real world.

“You always hear the horror stories of omegas like him once they come of age and leave their parents’ control.”

“But you’ve attained an ECO?” Steve checks. *Extended custody order until age twenty* had been marked on the boy’s paperwork, and Steve is relieved when Winnifred confirms it.

“Yes, yes. We applied last year, once it became clear that he was struggling.”

“How did he take it?”

“Oh, just terrible!” she mourns. “He’s been so defiant, almost worse since we got the judge to sign off on it. He’s been so angry and retaliatory. I almost regret getting the order …”

“Don’t be,” Steve advises immediately. “It’s a good thing you had the foresight to do it. Many parents wait too long and then they’re left powerless or slogging through a much longer process with the courts. Especially in the US. Things are very progressive there.” 

He says it with audible disdain in his voice, because it used to be that omegas never reached majority, and were instead protected by their family and community, kept in the family home or supervised in a communal omega “Nest” until marriage. But then the “age of emancipation” was created in the seventies, and the age just kept getting lowered again and again as the first, second, and third wave feminists fought for more changes. First it was thirty, then twenty four, then twenty, until finally the damn fourth wave feminists got it lowered to eighteen, and in the process destroyed nearly any chance an omega in the US has at being guided into a stable, healthy future. 

“The judge said he’ll be re-evaluated in two years,” Ransom says. “We’re counting on this place to help him get straightened out by then.”

“Oh, but I do worry about what his reaction will be when he finds out we’re leaving him here,” Winnifred frets. “We shouldn’t have tricked him.”

“You think we would’ve been able to get his stubborn butt on a plane if we hadn’t?”

“We’re very experienced in these matters,” Steve promises. “James won’t be the first student to have been enrolled against his will. I promise you that we can handle him.” When Winnifred continues to angst over the harshness of leaving her son at a foreign boarding school three thousand miles away, Steve just leads her along and continues to reassure her that she’s made the right decision in choosing Carter Academy to straighten out her son. “You have to remember: this will be very different from his other schools. We specialize in cases like this. Boys like James thrive on structure and guidance. You’ll be amazed at what we can achieve in only a few months.”

“Oh you really think so?” she gushes, looking brightly up at Steve as Ransom shoots him a peeved look from over her shoulder. “That’s so wonderful to hear. I actually had been reading about it on your website, about all the things you offer here. The fact that there’s a one-to-one ratio of alpha support staff is just incredible. Will he get one of those, um, … what do you call them again?”

“Handlers,” Steve supplies with a nod. “And yes, he will. Sharon, whom you met back in my office; I’m trying her on for size with your son first. She’s very good at what she does. Plus, James will have me. I make certain to take a personal interest in each and every one of our students. I supervise their education closely, so I can promise you that he won’t slip through the cracks.”

“Good,” Ransom jokes. “Certainly paying enough for it.”

Steve chuckles awkwardly at the gauche comment. “Ah, yes. I know. Costs can be high when you’re staffing support positions for each and every student, but we find that the benefits cannot be overstated. Having an alpha consistently at their side each day is … well it’s as close as you can get to the real thing, isn’t it?” He points out a student passing by with their Handler. The boy is on a lead, walking peaceably with a serene look on his face. “You see, we prepare our students for the real world, not some fantasy world like the more liberal schools do. We want them to leave here happy, well-rounded, and ready to find their future mates. Handlers are their practice for that. They help them model all the important aspects of a healthy A-O relationship.”

“But they don’t, um … you know. Right?” 

“Fuck each other?” Ransom snickers.

“Certainly not,” Steve says sternly. “We take care of the students’ needs, of course, but all of our Handlers are consummate professionals, I can assure you. It’s more the level of constant supervision and dominance that’s so invaluable. That really is the only way to ensure success with these boys. Especially those coming in with any … extra needs.”

Beside Winnifred, Ransom scoffs. “He’s extra, alright.”

Steve’s smile tightens. “Right. Well, that’s one big part of our support system. Constant digital supervision is another.” He points out the cameras as they walk. “The surveillance system. It’s a newer addition, very high tech, outfitted with motion sensors and facial recognition software that allows us to keep perfect track of each and every student.”

“Isn’t that a bit overwhelming for them?” Winnifred wonders.

“Yes, but they need to be overwhelmed. It’s what levels them out. You see, everything we do here at Carter Academy is science-based, backed by all the latest research. We value the research over any ‘modern agendas’. All the studies show that omegas your son’s age have been shown to have decreased cortisol levels and more balanced serotonin and dopamine after even just a few months of close supervision. The cameras add another layer to that support system. You eliminate privacy, and these boys figure out real fast that they aren’t in control anymore.” 

“How long until you whip him into shape?” Ransom asks as they return back to Steve’s office. They’ve just walked in the room, and James is turning around to look at them as they come through the door.

This story is an ongoing commission for an amazing supporter who wishes to remain anonymous. If you have a story that you'd like to see custom written, send me a message on Tumblr or reach out on my Kofi. My fee is $10 per 1000 words.

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[kouhaiofcolor]

i understand why you feel this way. But if u had the access to these other countries the way you have access black americans- and the way they have access to us through media you would understand the flaw in what you are saying. the desecration of our cultures and degradation of blackness is quite literally everywhere equally. I grew in trinidad, you don't see what goes on there. No eyes are covering what trinbagonians (hell they won't even cover Sudan or the Congo or Somalia or South Africa) are doing & their cultural mores the way all eyes are on America. For example while West Indians will hype carnival and the history as though it's some well respected event in tribute the ancestors - i just saw a video of a literal child - a boy under 10 yrs old trying to buss a whine on a grown ass woman bent over to let him grind on her ass- while a crowd of adults watched and laughed and egged him on. Yes black americans are flawed just like any group- but I have never seen anything like that here ever. And I see it regularly with this oh so historical revered cultural event. I am of Trinidadian and American Black heritage. I love carnival. I have played mas/ participated in carnival.I am not simply downing the culture. I just want you know the only difference is high visibility Black Americans have that allows people to speak down on Black Americans so easily. And because Black Americans don't know- through no fault of their own - some buy into denigrating each other as Black Americans- I see it all the time. And I sit there shaking my head- because if they only knew. I want to laugh when West Indians talk about American education system- yes it is lacking- but when Black folks outside of America say 'we know we come from Americans don't' - especially if you are from the caribbean- I have never heard a statement more asinine in my life. And they stand on it because eDuCaTiOn. l promise you that Black Americans do not deserve the criticism you are giving more than any other group. I get it tho. It can be frustrating and disappointing and disheartening especially if you actually love your people. I know I love mine. Blackness is as flawed and as it beautiful everywhere you go. Not trying to change your mind, just offer a different perspective.

This is about this op, right? I'll apologize if it seems like it read differently, but I have no illusions whatsoever about how global antiblackness is. I definitely do not believe (nor was I establishing) that African Americans are wholly responsible for negative perceptions of Black people as a construct — but I also wasn't standing on some sort of "bias" for seeing distortions between how Black Americans are frankly more responsible these days for things that makes us look so damn terrible in the US. Is it too forward to be frank about it like that? I think this criticism matters just as much as the issues themselves.

Frankly, if we gone get into this tho, I gotta delve. I need to get it out anyway, so I actually appreciate you checking my perspective as well as sharing yours.

The takeaways are bolded below the cut, if that helps. There's a tldr, too. #Nbdni.

Ofc there are Black People who aren't from the states capable of harming our representation. My criticisms were concentrated on the kind of self and communal destruction I've both grown up experiencing and being witness to myself that is unique to the way we live as Black Americans, though (which was more than specified for parts of the diaspora I took care to omit so that I wasn't generalizing literally everyone Black from any given part of the world).

Yeah, there's internal antiblackness all over the diaspora, but I feel like we really need to stop negating how Black Americans are by far the modern faces and voices of the worst of it on such a global scale and regular (normalized) basis. I'm also aware that being Black in the self proclaimed "freest and most opportunistic country in the world" itfp, is what makes it so easy to damage the representation of Black people at large; so we unfortunately tend to saturate visibility in general for that reason alone. I also know that in a lot of ways it is thee wedge between how Black culture is perceived in other parts of the world, as well as how Black culture is prevalently defined or associated within the US.

While I do get where you're coming from, I cannot (and did not) speak on how antiblackness among Black people from Trinidad or, say, Mozambique or Somalia works, bc those are qualities of life I haven't experienced and frankly don't think I have the range to speak on as a Black American. I spoke on the state of the Black community in the US specifically and exclusively since, as plenty diasporans can vouch for, we dominate visibility here. I went out of my way to not lump everyone together; I know what I was saying and was absolute about what I meant, just to be clear.

The anecdotal bit about the video of the underage boy dancing w the grown woman, is unfortunately nothing out of the ordinary (and p great example of what I'm talking about) when it comes to the kind of cringy behavior among Black American adults that shape the experiences, values, upbringing and development of Black children — and harm our image. Esp in the US?? You've never seen anything like that here??? Consider yourself lucky to have never been witness to something relatively commonplace to see on social media and pretty humiliating secondhand. Beats me why literally anyone thinks watching or posting content like that is cute. Or why the caliber of Black adults this too often pertains to (in most contexts) find it amusing to put Black kids in situations where their representation as actual children is totally compromised or overridden, but. Those who find this kind of stuff entertaining usually aren't the brightest individuals themselves, but this definitely does happen in the US.

You're right that we have a lot of visibility here as Black Americans that eclipses the relevance of other parts of the diaspora; you're right that this particular part of the diaspora is riddled with unpacked, inherited trauma and internalized antiblackness through, at least originally, no fault of our own — but I seriously worry we've gotten suuuuuuuuuuuuper comfortable with that. At our own expense to absolve accountability on our part for any of it. I think we've gotten accustomed to making excuses and justifications for white supremacy being to blame for the antiblackness we perpetuate ourselves, to avoid actually resolving anything plaguing our communities because of us.

I'ma just be frank: Our ancestors put in work we're too divided and self absorbed as modern Black Americans to actually replicate; esp considering the trajectory we're on now. We just do not have what it takes, esp while an increasing number of us are finding it more "lucrative" to reduce our numbers through community violence — or for a belonging or identity among people more apt to fetishize us through our own willingness. And we'll call that "freedom" or a quality of life as opposed to learning how contrary it is in the face of actual antiblack American history.

What I find myself questioning and struggling to understand more and more, is when it boils down to it, on a personal as well as community level — exactly how much of our plight as modern Black Americans isn't our fault, though. How much of what stagnance and toxicity we actively normalize, perpetuate or do nothing to change within our own communities (whether collectively or as individuals) is not our fault? How much of this do we just not "know any better" or "know enough about" to actually fight for or invest in securing a quality of life actually worth living for future generations of Black people?

How much conscious internal encouragement and investment in abandoning or outright destroying our lineage, is not our fault? There's no togetherness, no real connectivity or bonds, no real values, no real livelihood, no sustainable resources, no wealth in health, no real traditions, no real protection or safety, no real immersion in our own diaspora, no closure on the grounds of slavery or reparations for it, no real community — in being Black in America. That's no generalization; this is a straight up testament plenty of Black Americans can, have and do vouch for. And even then I have a healthy understanding that not every Black American feels this way. I hear those who do, though; because everyone isn't unreasonable or biased or self-hating about it. There's validity in being ashamed of this kind of stuff. And it's getting scary how irrefutable and insurmountable the inner discourse, as well as the external judgement for it, is becoming.

We're not responsible for any of this? We don't perpetuate any of this garbage ourselves? We're not doing ourselves and our children the biggest disservice doing the arguable minimum about antiblack propaganda and behavior? Esp among each other?? The only people who even really speak on antiblackness are Black Women — and we're torn apart or gaslit for it all day all year both on and offline even by the community. There's a lot unique to how we move and what we normalize as Black Americans that we simply do not actually address, work to reverse or resolve, or even think is problematic:

The ways we're too comfortable outright or lowkey mistreating each other; the lack of sensitivity in how too many of us raise our children; the generational affects from rampant teen pregnancy and teen fatherhood rates; the baby daddy/mama culture that has become a community staple for all the wrongest reasons; promiscuity and infidelity; low marriage rates; single parenthood; low home ownership rates; our lack of connection to or real knowledge of Black culture that isn't African American (and that being fragmented as is); our lack of awareness of anything remotely positive or economically significant about Africa (esp w/ aaaaall the modern means to research); the prevalence of colorism in our communities as well as discrimination and hate-crimes that target fully Black Women in general; "divestment" movements and antiblack eugenic intent among Black people (we can call this one straight up coonery if it's simpler); texturism; featurism; lack of real accumulative or generational wealth to pass on; lack of real investment in ourselves or avenues to sustain our survival; literally zero community leadership; the ways we masculinize Black children as Black parents; the differences in the standards and expectations we have for our Black daughters and how much more lenient we are with our Black sons in comparison; Black on Black crime; gang violence/affiliation among Black youths; drug and sex trafficking of our own people by our own people; and the educational brainrot among Black youths hinged on the glamorized behavior of Black adults (esp celebrities), for instance.

How much of that is not our fault? The list is too damn long at this point; with common denominators spanning generations. The issues are too unique in how they're not as prevalent among other races of people. This isn't a white supremacy thing in it's larger entirety anymore the way it used to be, is what I was getting at. Antiblackness has definitely been absorbed and propagandized by modern Black Americans too, and we could do a lot better at actually taking the time to look inward at the things we've conformed to and perpetuate about ourselves and each other. But that's always asking for too much or it's too expectational. To use our minds as Black People for something conducive for us as opposed to harmful lol. Use them together for our actual benefit in the long-term, at that.

I guess I say all that to emphasize that I am becoming truly embarrassed by what modern Black Americans perceive as social progress and worth fighting as well as living for — even as a Black Woman who at this point only has the energy to esteem and push other Black Women anymore. But it hurts so much worse being constantly, inescapably snared in all the noise, shiftlessness and unchanging discourse here among us that does absolutely nothing for anyone.

TLDR; It feels like the Black community in the US doesn't actually mature and hasn't ever really developed, I guess. It gets embarrassing even when you have the capacity to understand how and why things are like this itfp. Antiblackness thrives, at this point, because of how unserious we take ourselves and each other. Hard truths are still truths. It's embarrassing, and it should be okay to be real about that.

[dekusleftsock]

I have to say that your post on Deku peddling a lot of casual homophobia and toxic masculinity across the manga, was really interesting and eye-opening. I mostly agree with you, except the part about bkdk supposedly being the endgame for this particular arc. I've had similar thoughts about how gender and sexuality is portrayed in MHA, for quite a while, but the conclusion I always came to, was more along the lines of "Reject Masculinity; Embrace Lesbianism". As I've just stumbled upon this blog, I must therefore ask: how do you feel about transbian Deku hcs?

Oh it’s so fun! Trans lesbian deku is awesome, I love all trans hc’s so much.

Unfortunately though, I am also a bkdk shipper and my opinions in that post are about my genuine thoughts that, yes, deku is a cisgender gay man, and there’s no real problem with that. Welcome to my blog though!

A lot of my posts do focus on bkdk and togachako (while mainly togachako for the past couple of months), so that’s just your fair warning! If you aren’t into that it’s like… kind of impossible to avoid that shipping on my blog. I often post fanart and metas/shitposts that focus on those two ships solely.

And I will say, I feel like the notion of “rejecting masculinity”, especially as a trans masculine person myself, does often fall down anti trans rhetoric and spaces, as lesbianism and masculinity aren’t even necessarily contrasting things to be. NB is an identity that can be stretched so far into so many spaces that it’s kind of hard to reject masculinity OR femininity without well… falling into exclusion.

I’m not sure if that’s what you mean though, however I do enjoy most if not all trans hc’s because they are amazing and so interesting when people really dive into a characters internalized issues having to do with that identity. Transgenderism is so maleable and can easily apply to so many different types of characters, even giving them a deeper sense of depth.

Canonically though, I think I like Izuku how he is. Because everyone has issues, and while cis men have obviously had a lot of stories where they are the center of attention, told from their perspective, Izuku is unique in his own right; because how often do we really see a short, androgynous, emotionally expressive, cis male character deal with things like the insecurity of crying, the unknown of if your identity (if it really is your identity) will be accepted in spaces where you have been pushed to be with, from your perspective, a platonic female friend? Because yes, izuku WAS bullied—rather indirectly with Katsuki sure—but the little comments made about being a crybaby, being creepy, being weak, they all build up. They build and build until, hey, the bully isn’t there anymore. In fact, the bully is you.

And really, I see why people don’t necessarily pick up on Izuku of all people having masculinity issues. When the viewer sees a momma’s boy who’s relatively soft and empathetic, they register someone who vaguely understands themself. They see him be self sacrificial and think, “that’s a man who goes against masculine stereotypes, so obviously he doesn’t struggle with fitting into the stereotype himself!” Because it’s not what we’re usually shown in our every day media.

A man with masculinity issues is someone who is SUPER masculine—he’s super buff, he screams a lot, he has anger issues, he—oh wait I’m describing Katsuki.

Yet, in reality, Katsuki actually DOESNT! Not as much as Izuku does anyway. In middle school? Sure, most definitely. He registered weakness and refused to accept himself, therefore his masculinity. The anger issues build and build on each other… except for the fact that we’re forgetting the key here.

Katsuki grew up.

Katsuki HAD to grow up because the way he expressed these anger issues (that I will say, izuku also shares, the crying is literally a symptom of that in a lot of cases) was much more prevalent. It stopped him from truly growing, and when he was humbled he was able to see all the mistakes he was making. And slowly but surely, he apologized. He sacrificed. He started to really, truly, care.

He always cared of course, seeing as he cared enough to try to stop deku from getting into UA, because he thought he was a threat. Hell, after the entrance exam at their first day of UA, he genuinely thought Izuku had enough heroics in him to make it past the entrance exam! He didn’t think Izuku even NEEDED a quirk to get in. He’s always believed in him.

Was that expressed through his insecurities? Yes, because he was a dumb 15 year old.

But now that he knows he cares, that’s allowed him to reflect on himself, and on Izuku.

Izuku ofc will change, he will grow up, he will get that character development, but he has to have that realization that, oh, Katsuki really won’t hate him for anything. Ever.

Whether Izuku has internalized homophobia simply because Katsuki isn’t a girl, or because he’s afraid of Katsuki’s rejection at Izuku’s weirdness, well, I guess that’s up to your interpretation.

Mine is personally on the second side though.