#love characters who are dreamy and seem not all the way present but she knows exactly what's going on at all times | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

haadeswrites · 3 years ago

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Elysium

god this fic took forever i’m so sorry!! but hey, first fic on the new blog! <33 also y’all should really thank @iwaasfairy who listened to me complain about this fic for a solid month, she’s the reason it got finished

Cult leader Oikawa Tooru x female reader

tw: indoctrination, extremely dubious consent, blood, yandere themes, religious themes, minor character death, implied abuse & drug use, mild smut, nsfw

The island itself is breathtaking

Pristine beaches with gleaming white sand, vast swathes of lush, green rainforest and waterfalls that cascade into shimmering pools of crystal clear water. Untouched, undisturbed; a paradise. At least, that’s how Ryuji had described it.

Paradise, but only in the sense that a gingerbread cottage in the middle of the woods is paradise to a lost and hungry child.

He hadn’t been wrong. Bare feet sink into soft, white sand as you climb from the boat - the warmth just toeing the line between pleasant and burning. Gentle waves ebb and flow behind you, and there’s a light breeze that kisses your skin, the taste of seasalt carrying in the wind. Home, it seems to sing.

A laugh sounds somewhere in the distance, yet the only other figure on the beach is a man walking steadily towards you. He smiles when he sees you’ve noticed him; friendly, non-threatening. It’s a far cry from the swarming welcoming committee you’d been dreading, and you wonder if that’s somehow intentional as well.

As the boat pushes back out to sea he comes to a stop before you, “I’m Makki,” he says, pushing the fringe of his hair back and giving you a not-so-subtle once over. Whatever he sees must meet approval, because his grin only widens, “Welcome to the Commune.”

Ryuji wasn’t wrong; the island is a beautiful, deadly thing.

—

You’d never heard of the Commune before the phone call.

And maybe that shouldn’t be so surprising. You’ll be the first to admit you’re hardly an expert, but from what you do know, groups like the Commune – cults – don’t spring up out of thin air and start broadcasting their mistreatment and systematic abuse.

They’re not the kind of people that have sweet old ladies clutching their pearls and mothers shepherding their children away – at least, not in the beginning. Not entirely. They’re not out to recruit extremists to further their cause, they choose to prey on the vulnerable, the lost and the disillusioned. Those easily manipulated. You suspect that’s why when you google the Commune, all you find is a website for what essentially looks like a long term luxury wellness retreat.

‘The Commune is about healing and harmony, about returning to nature, supporting one another to forge a brighter, more holistic future together… a self-sufficient community living apart from technology and other evils of modern society.’

You fight the urge to roll your eyes as you scroll through. There’s a whisper of philosophical teachings woven throughout, a page dedicated to their founder, Oikawa Tooru – smiling handsomely in every single picture, because what would a burgeoning cult be without a charismatic leader – but there’s not enough.

So here you are, on an island hundreds of miles away from home living amongst strangers; because Ryuji wouldn’t have sounded so terrified if this was just some alternate, free-loving bunch of hippies.

And even with all that he’d told you, everything you thought you’d be prepared for, the Commune is like nothing you could’ve imagined.

Makki introduces you to Asuka, a woman only a few years older than yourself, dark haired and stunningly beautiful, and winks as he tells her to take you under her wing. She smiles brightly, eyes twinkling, and pulls you into a heartfelt hug – as if you’ve known each other your whole lives.

“We’re so glad you’re here!” she beams.

You’d like to hate her.

It feels like you're supposed to, sometimes; when she gets that dreamy look in her eyes and starts talking about Oikawa and the Commune and how lucky everyone here on the island is. Yet there’s something about her – the genuine warmth she emanates maybe, or the kindness in her eyes – that makes it difficult for you not to like her.

“You should come to the gathering tomorrow,” she hums idly one afternoon, maybe a week or so after your arrival. The two of you are sitting on the edge of the pier, legs dangling down into the water, tangled fishing nets to be repaired strewn between you.

“I always go,” you reply.

She laughs, fixing you with a knowing look, “And sit right at the very back, all but running off the moment we finish?”

And your traitorous heart skips a beat.

“It’s okay to take things slowly,” she says. “We understand that being a part of the Commune is a big change from the life you knew, and that not everybody is able to see what we see and embrace those changes.”

Asuka sets down the knot she’s working through and reaches for your hand, a gentle smile on her face, “But you shouldn’t be afraid. You’re meant to be here, I can feel it. You just need to stop fighting against it; surrender yourself to us, to the island, and everything’ll make sense, I promise.”

It’s dangerous territory. One wrong word could set off alarm bells, yet you can’t help pressing just a little.

“Do you ever miss it, then? Life outside the Commune?”

Your family. Friends. The life you left behind before you came here to be brainwashed like all of the others.

“Why would I?” she answers without missing a beat, and it’s hard to ignore the bitter flicker of disappointment you feel at her answer. “The island provides for us, we don’t have to spend our days selling off tiny pieces of ourselves just to make ends meet. It’s paradise here, and we have Oikawa to thank for that. Why would I ever want to go back?”

Silence falls between you as you struggle to think of something to say to salvage the situation. Yet Asuka isn’t even looking at you, instead staring out at the water with a strangely pensive expression.

“Did you know I was married once?” The words seemingly out of the blue, you can only shake your head. For a moment, she doesn’t reply, watching as the waves rise and crash offshore. And then;

“I was young, eighteen or so, fresh out of high school and he was a small town cop.” Her eyes flicker to yours, and your heart clenches at the sadness and pain echoing there. “I thought he was a good man, once upon a time.”

A chord strikes deep, your chest tightening involuntarily at her words. It’s not the same, of course it’s not the same, and yet…

No. You stop the errant thought in its tracks. Groups like the Commune prey on the vulnerable, you know this. People like Ryuji, like Asuka, like–

Her fingers squeeze around yours, pulling you back to the present. “Come to the gathering tomorrow. Listen to Oikawa, it’ll help.”

—

She doesn’t give you a choice in the matter – dragging you by the hand to sit right at the front of the gathered crowd that very night.

Oikawa’s handsomer up close; tall and dark haired with pretty eyes and long, sweeping lashes that frame delicate cheekbones, it’s not hard for you to see how a man like him has amassed such an impassioned following.

Once he starts actually speaking, however, you realise that his good looks and charming smile are just the tip of the iceberg. Oikawa’s utterly captivating as he preaches about the cycle of life and death and the paradise that awaits his faithful. Passionate and engaging, he speaks like he truly believes every word of the lies he’s spreading.

And Asuka, her friends, the others gathered, they eat up every word like it’s gospel truth, resounding cheers and thunderous applause deafening around you. In the midst of the rapturous din, Oikawa’s eyes flit to yours.

Slowly, he smiles – a dazzling grin that makes your stomach flip – and everything; Asuka, the noise, the others swarming around you, it all fades away.

For one electrifying heartbeat, you’re frozen in place. Just you and Oikawa, trapped in the pull of each other’s gaze.

—

You can’t forget the reason you came.

But it’s… difficult, in a way you struggle to understand. You only have one purpose for being here, one goal; find Ryuji and bring him home.

And yet, some days it’s like there’s a fog in your mind, and you have to focus to remember why you’re here at all. You catch yourself laughing with Asuka and her friends, the days passing by in a blur of endless, easy distractions.

It barely feels like work when you’re sitting under the shade of the trees, eating the fruits you’ve picked by hand – ripe and sweet, unlike anything you’ve ever tasted – diving off waterfalls into the crystalline water and meandering down the shore collecting seashells. Even when you are working, mending clothes or cooking with the others, it fills you with a sense of contentment you can’t quite explain.

Like you’re a part of something bigger. Like you’re doing something that matters.

Ryuji becomes a distant thought. A whisper in the back of your head, a niggling in your gut, easily brushed aside and ignored until there’s a moment of quiet. In the dead of night, the balmy summer night’s breeze kissing your bare skin, you lie awake, lost in memories of the last time you’d seen him.

Fists angrily pounding at your door, the yelling that gave way to sobs and the hoarse, desperate pleas that followed. Ryuji’s face; pupils blown wide and eyes rimmed in red, darting restlessly around as he held you too tight and begged–

Rolling over in bed, you gaze out your window at the star flecked sky, the shadows of the forest that lie at your doorstep, and wonder what it is that scares you more; that you’ve lost track of the days you’ve been here, and saving Ryuji is starting to feel like an afterthought, or that you could so easily forget all of it, find a place here in the Commune and be happy.

‘The island, it–it fucks with your head.’

Ryuji’d told you that, and you’d brushed it off as paranoia. You need to find him. Find him and get the hell outta dodge.

You can deal with the fallout later.

—

Kiyoshi.

He’d mentioned the name a few times amidst his rambling – a friend of his on the island. You’re annoyed with yourself for not thinking of it sooner, however much like Ryuji himself, trying to focus and remember the name is like wading through thick mud.

Once you do, though, finding him amongst the hundred and fifty or so inhabitants is the easy part.

There’s no strict division between genders within the Commune, however Kyoshi, despite his somewhat lean stature, is among the builders of the island and his path doesn’t often cross with yours.

From Asuka you find out that he’s been a part of the Commune for years now, before even she joined, and that he mostly sticks to himself, though you’ve seen him chatting quietly to a few of the other men, a perpetually angry looking blonde in particular.

It’s the last part that piques her interest, “Why’re you so curious, anyway?” she asks, her face lighting up as a sudden thought occurs. “Do you want me to introduce you two? To be honest, I didn’t think he’d be your type, if you’re interested, though…”

Cheeks aflame, you’re quick to shut her down. “No, no, nothing like that. I’ve just… seen him around and we’ve never really spoken, I guess.”

A lame excuse, though mercifully she lets the subject drop without too much prodding.

Therein, of course, lies the problem. Walking up to Kyoshi and casually trying to drop Ryuji into the conversation without raising red flags is risky, but what other options do you have? You’ve already spent too much time on this island.

Although, maybe Asuka has the right idea.

While you hadn’t been lying when you said you weren’t interested in Kyoshi in that way, nobody else knew that. Who would really look twice at the shy newbie striking up a conversation with the quiet, easygoing man? He wasn’t unattractive per se, and from the brief interactions you’d seen of him, he seemed kind enough.

You have enough patience (barely) to wait for dusk the following night. There’s a celebration, something about the full moon and a blessing on the island and the Commune– you hadn’t really been paying attention when Oikawa had spoken about it. Still, it’s too good an opportunity to pass up. With the fire pits crackling, and the dancing and music and the sweet honey wine flowing freely, nobody will be paying too much attention to what you’ll be doing. Hopefully, the alcohol will also serve to lower Kiyoshi’s guard, and perhaps if you’re really, really lucky, loosen his tongue as well.

Of course, you’re not banking on him telling you exactly where Ryu is or what happened to him– and that’s assuming he actually knows – but at this point you’ll take anything over the nothing you currently have. A tiny slip up, that’s all you’re asking for.

As the sun descends beyond the horizon, you play your role well, laughing and chatting amongst friends, sipping carefully at the cup of wine in your hand as you wait for an opening. And perhaps it’s your nerves working against you, but you find that it’s not just Kiyoshi your attention is drawn to.

Up on the shore, away from the rabble, Oikawa lounges back with a cup of the same honeyed wine you’re pretending to drink. For the most part he seems deep in conversation with Iwaizumi, his right hand, but every once in a while he glances up, letting his gaze roam over the crowd of his followers.

Every inch a king and his general.

And it would seem benevolent, if not for the strange smile he wears – the one that widens when his eyes catch yours.

Swallowing tightly, you force yourself not to dwell on it, to ignore the odd sensation curling in your gut and the way your skin prickles under his attention. Now is not the time to lose focus.

Pushing all thoughts of Oikawa aside, you subtly scan the beach once more, only to find that Kiyoshi’s moved, sitting now on a piece of old driftwood near the bonfire. Alone for the first time tonight.

Your legs are moving before the thought even fully registers.

“Do you mind if I sit?” you ask, gesturing to the empty space on the log beside him.

Kiyoshi smiles, the laugh lines at corners of his eyes crinkling pleasantly, and shakes his head, “Not at all.”

“Thanks.”

Taking another sip of your wine, you will your shoulders to relax, your racing pulse to slow. This has to seem natural, and so you force yourself to hold your tongue, let your head loll back and breathe deep, soaking it all in. You can hear the others in the distance, the music and the dancing, the happy laughter and shouts that beckon – you want to go join them. Even your blood seems to hum, a call of something other pulsing through your veins.

But you pay it no mind. There are more important things to worry about tonight.

Indeed, steel blue eyes have been appraising you curiously for a while now. “This is your first Lunar blessing, isn’t it?” Kiyoshi asks after a moment.

You nod, humming in agreement. Less than a month; you’ve been here less than a month. Is that a good thing?

“Are you enjoying yourself?”

A harmless enough question, and again you nod your head. “Yeah, it’s…” you pause, searching for words that won’t sound hollow. “It’s paradise. I feel like I need to pinch myself just to make sure it’s real.”

He smiles gently. “But?” he probes.

Grimly, you wonder whether Kiyoshi’s usually this perceptive, or if you’re just a really terrible actor. In a way, you suppose it really doesn’t make a difference; you’ve come too far to turn back now – at least not without raising suspicion.

So you lie with a truth, and pray that it works.

“I had a friend I was supposed to meet here,” you confess quietly, gazing not at him but the crackling flames of the bonfire, the burning embers carried off into the night. “He was the one who said I should come, but now I’m here and he’s not and every time I catch myself enjoying this–”

“You feel guilty,” he surmises, cutting you off. “Because he’s not here to enjoy it with you.”

Wordlessly, you nod – and maybe it isn’t so much of an act when your eyes begin to glisten, your smile wavering.

Kiyoshi’s silent for a moment, and you take another sip of the honey wine to hide your nerves. “You shouldn’t, you know,” he says eventually. “Feel guilty, I mean. You belong here, with the Commune. You’re happy here. Paradise… isn’t for everybody.”

He doesn’t say it to be cruel, more like he’s simply stating a fact, and somehow that makes it all the more unnerving. And it’s nothing you haven’t listened to Oikawa preach about time and time again. The Commune is for the devoted, the faithful – the lucky few – and you’ve never thought too hard about what he’d meant by that.

The Commune’s small, maybe a hundred and fifty or so people on the island. There’d been no initiation, no test of faith or trial period you’d had to pass when you arrived – at least, none that you’d been aware of. You simply stepped off the boat and they’d welcomed you with open arms.

An uneasy sensation settles into your gut, goosebumps prickling at your skin despite the heat of the midsummer night.

That… doesn’t make sense. It can’t. Absolute control’s too important in groups like this, they couldn’t just let anyone–

Kiyoshi speaks again, his calm voice pulling you from your thoughts. “What was his name?”

You blink at him slowly – stupidly. “Sorry?”

“Your friend,” he clarifies. “What was his name?”

“Oh, um- Ryuji.”

Kiyoshi’s brow furrows in thought for a moment, but he merely shakes his head, “Doesn’t ring a bell, but like I said, not everyone who arrives stays with us for long.”

He looks you right in the eye as he says it.

You don’t understand the cold, foreboding that seeps through your veins, because he’s lying. He has to be.

Ryuji was here. They were friends, Ryu’d told you that–

Why did you think this stupid plan would work anyway? That he’d tell you anything, much less the truth when this whole fucked up island is full of liars and those too indoctrinated to know the difference?

“You alright?” he asks when abruptly, you shoot to your feet beside him.

And it takes every ounce of willpower you have left to force an easy smile to your lips, raising your cup just a fraction, “Yeah, just gonna go get a refill. Thanks for the talk, Kiyoshi.”

Whether he notices that your wine’s barely touched or not, you don’t care – not as you turn on your heel without another word and head back up the beach.

Your head is pounding, your body trembling – you don’t hear the call of your name until a hand reaches out and grasps at your wrist, spinning you around.

Asuka greets you with a wide grin, Makki and a tall, broad shouldered man you think is called Mattsun standing either side of her – the former’s arm slung casually over her shoulder. “There you are! I’ve been looking for you,” she says. “Come on, we’re gonna go swimming, it’s so pretty out there!”

You glance out towards the ocean. Moonlight bathes the inky blue water, light shimmering off the rippling tide; some of the others are already out there, splashing amongst the waves.

“Clothing optional, of course,” Makki laughs, and Asuka tugs on your wrist once more.

“C’mon, it’ll be fun!”

But you shake your head, slowly pulling your hand from her grip, “I’m not feeling great, I think I’m gonna head back.”

Asuka frowns, concern marring her pretty features. “Are you okay? Do you need us to call Mizo–”

“No,” you say, cutting her off. Healer Mizoguchi is the last person you need to see right now. “I just– I just need to go lie down for a bit. You guys go have fun – enjoy the blessing, I’ll be fine.”

Makki and Asuka share a fleeting look, but it’s Mattsun who interjects before either one of them can speak, “I’ll walk you back, then.”

Your stomach churns. It doesn’t sound like a suggestion.

And the smart thing to do would be to accept his help; the walk from the beach to your villa isn’t far, and while you’re not as familiar with Mattsun as you are with Makki or Asuka, it’s not like he’s going to hurt you or anything, but–

“Really– you don’t need to, it’s fine,” you smile weakly, shuffling back as he reaches to offer you his arm. “Go swim, I’ll see you guys in the morning.”

Mattsun shrugs easily enough, falling back into line with the other two – yet there’s something in the way he grins and holds your gaze for a beat longer. A glimmer of amusement, as if there’s some joke you're not a part of. “I’ll hold you to it, sweetheart.”

The heat that floods your cheeks clashes uncomfortably with the cloying heaviness in your stomach, but somehow you manage to stutter out one last goodbye before turning back to scamper off in the direction of your room.

–But not to lie down.

There’s not a cloud in the sky, and the full moon’s bright. No need for a torch, not unless you decide to venture into the heart of the forest.

You’ve been a fool. Kiyoshi, Asuka, Makki, Mattsun; you can’t trust any of them to help you, even unwittingly. Ryuji’s here on the island – somewhere – and every second that slips away, every second that you allow yourself to forget puts him in further danger.

And so you cling to your discomfort, ground yourself in it. The prickling sensation at the back of your neck, the tightness in your chest as you slip past your villa, keeping low and quiet – they’re a reminder that there is something insidious here on the island, that you have to get out.

You and Ryuji.

He’s here. Away from the others, kept under lock and key as punishment, or maybe being forced to undergo whatever kind of glorified brainwashing they’ve got going on, but here. You need to be smart about this, because while you don’t intend to stop until you find him, tonight will be your best shot – while everyone’s distracted down on the beach.

For the first time in a long time, it feels like you have a clear head.

Creeping through the underbrush, you steer clear of the well trod pathways that lead towards habitation. You’ve been there, and to the docks, and the river.

If they’re still keeping him here (and they are, you refuse to entertain the possibility that it could be otherwise) then it’s not somewhere out in the open. A bird cries out in the distance shattering the calm of the night, and you flinch – but it only serves as another reminder that your time tonight is limited; you cannot afford to delay. You wrack your brain, trying to dredge up memories of the last few weeks, surely you must have seen something–

“Lost?”

The single word, spoken in a deep, gruff voice has your blood running cold.

Slowly, you turn.

Iwa stands behind you in the thicket, his face utterly impassive. Briefly, you contemplate whether it’s worth trying to bluff your way out of this, but Iwa’s eyes narrow, flashing in the dim light and you think better of it.

A sigh escapes you, your shoulders deflating. “Where is he– Ryuji?” you ask; a whisper rather than a demand.

Iwa’s expression gives nothing away. Did he know, or have you handed him the smoking gun of a crime that’d fallen through the cracks? Does it even matter anymore? You’re just–

You’re tired.

Exhausted. In the space of a few moments all of that shining determination and resolve; it fled, leaving a gaping hole in its wake. This has to end, you can’t keep fighting against them forever. You can’t keep drowning in this guilt, feeling torn every second that you spend here on this stupid island. You just want to find Ryuji and go home.

… Right?

A tense beat passes as Iwa appraises you, and then; “Come with me.”

The hand he places on your shoulder doesn’t give you much choice. His grip isn’t what you’d describe as gentle, yet he’s careful enough to make sure you don’t trip or stumble as he marches you north.

In the thick of the forest away from the beach, it’s eerily quiet. Every twig that snaps underfoot, every ragged breath you draw; it feels too loud. Out of place amongst the stillness of the midsummer night.

And isn’t it ironic, that for the first time since you set foot in this paradise, you feel like you’re trespassing?

A bead of sweat trickles down from your temple and your mind unwittingly drifts back to Mattsun and Makki. Are they still swimming with Asuka? Probably, you reason. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly how long it’s been since you left them on the beach, but surely no more than an hour.

And strangely, like water drawn from the depths of a well, an image comes to mind; the four of you standing in the waves, you perched atop Mattsun’s shoulders, screaming and giggling in delight as Asuka tries to knock you down again, two sets of eyes watching from the shore…

You should have stayed on the beach.

“Can I ask you something?”

“You can ask,” he replies drily – humouring you, you suppose.

Your lips quirk upwards for the briefest of moments. “What happens on the Lunar blessing? Asuka, the others– no one told me what it was.”

Iwaizumi doesn’t answer you immediately, but you feel his fingers reflexively tighten on your shoulder. Likely it wasn’t the question he was expecting; surely there were others that you could have asked – but you don’t really want the answers to those.

If you’re being led like a lamb to proverbial slaughter, what good would it do you to know it?

And yet as the seconds pass and no answer seems forthcoming from your captor, you resign yourself to the fact that your curiosity will remain unsated. You don’t even know what prompted you to ask in the first place; knowing Oikawa it’s probably some grand, meaningless spectacle. Pretty, hollow words spoken only to–

A heavy sigh draws you from your thoughts, and you falter in your step, almost tripping over your own feet in the process. Iwa’s quick to right you, urging you forward with a less than gentle nudge. “Walk straight,” he grunts, yet it lacks any true heat. Anticipation flutters through your veins, and he mutters a soft curse behind you. “Fine. It… it’s an exchange.”

An exchange? What the hell was that supposed to mean? Your eyebrows draw together, mouth opening to press the matter, but Iwa beats you to the punch.

“You’ll find out for yourself soon enough, now shut up.”

You have no response to that, so you do.

—

The two of you walk in silence for what feels like hours. Eventually, the terrain becomes steeper, the worn path you’re treading twisting and winding, and you realise you must be close to the mountains at the heart of the island.

As your breath comes in heavy pants, your legs beginning to ache, you can’t help but be lost in the beauty of it all.

The flora’s different here, unlike any you’ve seen before. Flowers bursting from the bark of towering trees, blooms of vibrant hues; reds and purples and soft, baby pinks. Even the vines at your feet curl amongst pretty white buds that gleam invitingly under the moonlight. Your jaw falls open as you gaze around in wonderment.

You forget why you’re walking, where it is that you’re heading. Iwa’s grip relaxes as a quiet gasp escapes you, and he doesn’t stop you when you stray from the path to take a closer look. You can’t resist reaching out to touch the silken petals, leaning in to smell their perfume. Soft and light and sweet, your eyes flutter shut, a smile creeping across your visage.

It reminds you of home. Not your actual home – the rundown, tiny shoebox apartment you gave up before you came here – but something deeper.

Home, like the long summer days spent playing in your parents’ backyard. Home, like afternoons curled up by the window, watching the rain come down in sheets outside.

Home, like the comfort of arms wrapped around you; two hearts beating in sync.

“C’mon,” Iwa interrupts after a minute or so, his voice a touch less gruff. “We’re almost there.”

Dazed, you find yourself nodding, allowing him to guide you back to the path. This time, he doesn’t grab you by the shoulder, seemingly content enough to walk by your side.

True to his word, it’s only another few minutes before you see it; a wooden villa, four times the size of your own and far, far grander, set amongst a clearing of trees on the mountainside. Confused, your eyes flicker from the villa to Iwa and back again. Gossamer curtains billow lightly in the breeze, a warm, inviting glow spilling from the open windows. Surely this cannot be where he meant to lead you… and yet he merely stands at your side, arms folded across his broad chest, watching you expectantly.

“You gonna make me carry you up there?” he asks, not unkindly.

Swallowing tightly, you shake your head.

Another glance, and you catch a shadow lingering by the window. Your heart skips a beat, apprehension curling in your gut as you begin to walk, every step feels less steady than the last. You’re almost glad when Iwa takes you by the arm; if only so that you have something to focus on other than the growing tightness in your chest. The villa, with its pretty flowers and airy, elegant grandeur is far from the isolated cell you’d been afraid of, yet the uncertainty of what you’re walking into eats at you all the same.

Is this where they’ve been keeping Ryu, or has he brought you here for another reason?

Nothing, however, can prepare you for what you find inside. Warm light emanates from lanterns that bathe the room, and your eyes widen as you stare around you.

Strange, gold carvings inlaid with mother of pearl decorate the thick, woodens support beams, a pot of incense burns on a table overflowing with fresh fruit. There’s a jug of the same honeyed wine you’d drank earlier in the night and two cups set on an ornate stand nearby – just within arms reach of one of the chaise lounges.

Iwa affords you little time to gape, drawing you further in. Silken tapestries hang from the walls – you’re pulled along too quickly to truly take note, but the brief glimpses you get hint at a story; a divine being cast from his home, lost and wandering.

It tugs at something buried within you, and uncomfortable, you tear your eyes away.

The two of you reach a closed door at the end of the hall, and Iwa pulls you to a stop, knocking once.

“Come,” a familiar voice calls.

You stiffen, though perhaps you should have foreseen this outcome. Who else would Iwa bring you to but to him? Distantly, you register his grip relaxing, the sound of the door sweeping open and his voice at your ear.

“Go on.”

And it’s funny, you think, how two halves of yourself can be so at odds with each other. Because while your stomach twists itself into knots, goosebumps prickling at your skin, your legs stumble forward of their own accord.

Two steps forward, and your breath catches in your throat.

It’s a bedroom, that much you can deduce from the decor, but that’s not what captures your attention. Nor is it Oikawa, leaning against the bureau with a genial smile – at least not at first.

No. In place of a back wall, there’s open space, not so much as a panel of glass obstructing the view before you. And what a view it is; from this height you can see the sprawling forest below, the coastline dotted with bonfires and the moonlit ocean shimmering beyond. Where the floorboards end, there are steps, you realise as you unwittingly inch closer, leading to a cascading spring – likely fed from the waterfall you can hear rushing nearby.

How easy it would be to brush aside your worries, you think, to shed your clothes, slip into the cool, calm water and lose yourself entirely. Even amongst all you’ve seen and experienced on the island so far, this is incomparable.

“Stunning, isn’t it?” Oikawa murmurs, coming up behind you.

His voice startles you, yet when you turn, you find him not gazing out at the scenery but rather at you, that same strange, knowing smile curling at his lips.

“Some days, I admit, it’s hard to tear myself away,” he continues, unbothered by your stunned silence. “But even I can’t neglect my duties for too long.”

You swallow, tongue darting out to wet your lips. Confusion twists through you at the conversational tone, surely he hasn’t brought you here just to chat about the impressive views, yet there’s no hint of disapproval on his face, no indication that he’s anything less than pleased with you.

It’s unnerving to say the least, but you’ll play along with his game if that’s what Oikawa wants.

“Beautiful,” you say, though the words feel woefully inadequate even as you speak them.

He hums in agreement, something akin to pride flickers in his eyes at your assessment, “A labour of love, I suppose. But… everything you see here, everything I’ve built, it comes with a price. You understand that, don’t you?”

“I-I’m sorry?” you stutter.

“Paradise,” he elaborates, his smile widening. “There’s no give without take. Those people down there,” he nods down at the beach, the tiny, ant-like figures still milling about, “the lost, the beaten, the abused – I gave them what they so desperately sought; a sanctuary. A life without struggle, without suffering.” He pauses for a moment, reaching forward to take your hand. You almost flinch, almost skitter across the room to put as much distance between you as you can, but you don’t–

His palm is warm as it envelops yours, a pleasant heat that seems to spread through your veins, easing your tense muscles. There’s nothing to fear from him, you’re safe with Oikawa.

“Aren’t you happy here?”

Yes.

“What about the price?” you ask instead, though it takes more concentration than it should to force the words out.

Oikawa’s thumb sweeps along the back of your hand. “I never said it was your price to pay,” he soothes.

There’s something wrong with that sentence, but another sharp knock at the door draws your attention before you can think too hard about it. You turn out of instinct, barely aware of the way his hand tightens fractionally around your own.

A single finger at your jaw coaxes your attention back to him. “If you built a paradise, wouldn’t you give whatever necessary to ensure it flourished?”

Oikawa stares at you expectantly, deep brown eyes searching your face as he waits for an answer. Agreement would be the logical choice – the one he seems to want from you – but even as your lips part, the only sound that escapes is a breathless, confused noise.

When you were a kid, maybe six or seven, your parents took you to the beach one day and you waded too far out into the water. The waves were bigger than you expected; all it took was one mistimed jump and you were dragged under.

It wasn’t for long, probably only seconds, and ultimately you were fine – but you remember those few seconds so vividly. The feeling of helplessly tumbling through the water, fighting to break the surface but not knowing which way was up. Your lungs crying out for oxygen, the disorientation and dizziness, the panic.

It feels like that now – like the floor’s dropped out from beneath you and you’re just hurtling through empty air, desperately trying to slow yourself down with nothing to grab onto.

None of this makes any sense. Your emotions are shot to pieces, too many parts of yourself being pulled in different directions and you’re not sure which ones you can trust anymore. How can you be? Oikawa’s still holding your hand, smiling at you, and you just want everything to stop for a second so you can right yourself and breathe–

The door opens.

Iwaizumi appears in your field of vision, dragging a bound, hooded figure behind him. And because this is all some big, cosmic joke, you get your wish. Both of them, actually.

Time slows.

Even with a burlap sack pulled over his head, you recognise the man Iwa shoves to the floor and sneers at.

Hundreds of miles, weeks of uselessly traipsing around this fucking island, and finally–

Finally, you’ve found Ryu.

There should be relief. Fear, considering his current state, yes, but Ryuji’s here and he’s alive and as the hood is ripped off his head Oikawa squeezes your hand and the only thing you feel is… anger.

Not a heated flash that surges through your blood. It’s slow and seething, insipid. You look at him, locked in place as empty, pleading eyes meet yours and all you can think is that all of this – everything – is his fault.

“Asuka told you why she came to me, didn’t she?” Oikawa asks.

Your brow furrows, why–why is he asking you that now, how did he even–

He slips closer behind you, letting your hand go in favour of your shoulder, his spare dragging lightly along the bare skin of your arm. “She was lost, in so much pain. The physical wounds, they heal after a while,” his voice is right in your ear, a low murmur that sends a shiver rippling down your spine.

It isn’t an unpleasant feeling.

“But the scars inside, well… sometimes those fester.”

Gagged and bound, kneeling at your feet, Ryu doesn’t even try to make a sound.

He’s thinner than you remember. Face gaunt and bruised; there’s a half healed, mottled yellow one painted across the left side of his jaw, one eye purple and swollen. You glance at Iwa, standing stoically behind him, muscular arms folded across his chest. His work, you wonder, or others as well? You notice the tear tracks running down his face, catching the light of the lanterns, but it’s as if you’re seeing it all through a thick pane of glass. None of it reaches you, there’s nothing but that simmering, ugly feeling in your gut.

Oikawa hums, “I told you that Paradise wasn’t for everyone. It’s a haven, yes, but there are those who simply… don’t belong.”

His body’s so warm, pressed up against yours. Fingertips graze along your side, and this time you don’t bother biting back that tiny, breathless moan. Iwa briefly smirks at it, but there’s no embarrassment. Why should there be? Your eyes flit back to Ryu, bowed on the wooden floor.

Another memory resurfaces; A sharp crack and a ringing in your ears, Ryuji, eyes bloodshot and glazed, falling to his knees, clutching frantically at the leg of your pants as endless apologies spill from his lips.

It wasn’t him. It was never him.

“He hurt you,” Oikawa purrs. “He kept hurting you, I saw it.”

The words wash over you like waves breaking on the shore, but you find yourself nodding anyway. It was the truth, wasn’t it? A thousand tiny hurts, piled up on one another until you finally broke.

And you’d still come when he’d called.

Listened to him when he’d begged you not to hang up the phone.

“Iwa.”

The brunet moves towards a grand chest of drawers pushed up against the western wall. An ornate dagger sits atop, strange and beautiful; the blade isn’t steel or any metal you’ve seen before, but some kind of black stone, the handle intricately carved ivory. You hadn’t even noticed it before, Oikawa’s room filled to the brim with odd trinkets and treasures, but now that you have, it’s hard to tear your eyes away.

Iwa takes it and carries it over towards the two of you, holding it with the utmost care.

“Obsidian,” Oikawa informs you as he accepts the blade from his friend, bringing it in front of you both to show it off. “Pretty, isn’t it?” And while you can’t see his face, you can hear the smile in his tone.

He isn’t wrong though.

Ever so carefully you reach out, the soft pads of your fingertips running along the obsidian surface, surprisingly cool to the touch. The razor sharp edges – wavy and asymmetrical, leading to a tapered point – you’re careful to avoid, almost positive you’d draw blood with the slightest touch.

“Take it,” he urges, his breath ghosting over the shell of your ear.

Obediently, you turn your hand over, your fingers wrapping around the hilt when he presses it against your palm. And as long fingers curl around yours, you idly wonder how old the dagger is – there’s not so much as a scratch on it, yet there’s something about the weapon in your hand that feels ancient. It thrums under your combined touch.

Oikawa jerks his chin at Iwa, and with a short nod and one last, lingering glance cast your way, the latter exits once again.

Leaving you and Oikawa alone with Ryuji.

“It’s almost time,” he remarks – though time for what, you’re not entirely sure. His lips press against your hair, his arm dropping from your shoulder to your waist, drawing you flush against him. “I know why you came to me, the lies that led you here.”

Both of you turn your attention back to Ryuji at that, the bound man now shaking with the force of his muffled sobs, snot dripping from his nose. That bitter resentment rears its ugly head again, soothed only by Oikawa’s pacifying hum, his thumb now rubbing slow circles at your side. “Shh, I’m not angry – none of that matters now. You’ve found a home here, no? You want to stay on the island with me.”

You swallow, nodding your head rapidly. The thought of having to leave now, of being forced out after everything you’ve seen and felt and experienced here, you– you can’t fathom it. You don’t want to.

Ryuji’d wrought so much damage, but even before he’d swept through your life… had you ever been happy? Were you ever truly accepted – or loved, for that matter?

You can’t go back to that life. You won’t; he’ll have to drag you kicking and screaming from the shore. The Commune is your home, this is where you belong. Here, with Oikawa.

“Good girl,” he croons, another kiss pressed to the crown of your head. You beam at the praise and Ryuji crumples a little further. “Death begets life, you understand now, don’t you?”

You glance at the obsidian dagger in your hand and then at Ryu, beaten and bruised, bowed in forced supplication before you, and nod.

His fingers tighten around yours, “Then do it.”

Leaning forward, you reach for Ryu, fingers lightly trailing down his ruined cheek, curling at his chin to coax his head upwards. He squeezes his eyes shut, pain and regret etched over every inch of his face, but he doesn’t fight you.

Baring his throat to your dagger, Ryuji’s pleas take the shape of your name.

Muffled, thanks to the gag, but unmistakable. And for one single moment, you falter.

This… this is wrong; for all his faults, and god knows there were plenty, Ryu didn’t des–

A wave of calm washes over you, allaying your fears, your doubts. Your breath leaves you in a heavy gust, taking with it the tension in your shoulders, and Oikawa’s voice, smooth and honeyed, reaches your ears once more, “Nothing comes without a price, doesn’t he deserve to be the one to pay it?”

With your hand still tucked inside of his, your arm moves with a will of its own; slashing with inhuman grace.

The dagger cuts deep, Ryuji’s eyes snapping open in shock as a spray of warm blood hits you both. He chokes – a horrid, wet, gurgling sound – wide, pleading eyes frantically shifting between you and Oikawa. Every beat of his failing heart sends fresh blood spurting from the gaping wound. It drenches his front, splatters across your dress, your face, crimson pooling at the wooden floorboards at his knees. His mouth falls open and shut, trying and failing to form coherent sounds and you just stand there and watch, the dagger hanging limply at your side.

It doesn’t take long; seconds at the most.

Ryuji’s slumps to the floor, his body finally growing still as the light fades from his eyes. There’s a beat of absolute silence, and then–

Oikawa shudders behind you, a strangled, drawn out moan leaving his lips. You try to turn, but his arms lock around you, every muscle tensing, his back arching. The dagger in your hand grows hot, burning the soft skin of your palm, but with his fingers still tightly entwined with yours you can only whimper and endure it.

With a hoarse, guttural roar, a pulse of pure energy surges through the room like a shockwave. Every cell in your body lights up, electrified, buzzing; a dizzying euphoria unlike any you’ve felt before coursing through your blood.

Across the island, voices cry out in delight, a symphony of life. The trees tremble and shake, invigorated and renewed, fresh buds bursting from the forest floor, blooming under the light of the full moon.

The harvests flourish, even the river swells in response to the call.

Death begets life, just as he promised.

And with every inch of your body alight and singing with pleasure, you can barely think much less protest (and why would you want to?) as Oikawa roughly yanks you around, hungry lips crashing against your own as his fingers pull and tear at your bloodstained dress. He wastes no time with foreplay, and you suspect only begrudgingly takes a moment to hoist you up against him and carry you to his bed.

There’s nothing gentle about the way he hauls your hips to his, sheathing his cock inside of your warm, tight cunt with one savage thrust, but you don’t care.

Not as you cling to him, fingernails raking along his shoulders as he presses your thighs further apart so he can fuck you deeper. It’s hard and rough and brutal, yet you moan for him all the same, his name a prayer swallowed up by feverish, claiming kisses.

Tonight, bathed in blood and the soft glow of moonlight, you offer your god everything.

—

“Look, look!”

A small hand tugs at your skirt, and you glance down to find a little girl with pretty, dark curls holding up a crown of woven flowers.

“Do you like it?” she asks.

Carefully, you take it from her, bringing it closer to examine. She watches you intently as you study it, lifting it this way and that to appraise her work, humming thoughtfully for good measure. “I think it’s beautiful work,” you tell her after a long enough pause, and you can’t help but smile at the way she lights up, preening under your praise. “Why don’t you go show your mama? I’m sure she’ll be very impressed.”

The girl nods rapidly, thanking you before skipping off in the direction of her parents. The sun’s hanging low in the sky, the fires already being readied for the night ahead. You’re not unaware of the watchful gaze that carefully monitors your every move, and the moves of anyone who ventures too close by. Soon enough, you’ll return home to the heart of the island – anticipation fluttering in your belly at the thought of what awaits you – but for now, you let your feet sink further into the sand, closing your eyes as you bask in the lingering warmth of the setting sun.

At least until the sound of your name being called draws you back to the present. Yet it’s not Iwaizumi approaching, but rather Makki, two strangers trailing along behind him.

“Thought I’d find you here,” he grins, throwing a casual arm over your shoulders. “This is Kaneo,” he gestures to the man, “and his wife Manaka. They arrived this morning, I’ve been showing ‘em round.”

You turn to the couple, smiling sweetly as you extend a hand, “Welcome to the Commune.”

#yandere haikyuu #yandere oikawa x reader #yandere oikawa tooru #yandere oikawa #yandere oikawa tooru x reader #cult au #tw: religious themes #tw: dubcon #tw: blood #tw: minor character death #tw: abuse #hades.dark #oikawa x reader #oikawa tooru x reader

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honey-milk-depresso · 4 years ago

Text

That Charm Shop In Liyue (Various Liyue Characters)

Fresh early morning in Liyue and someone has already entered your shop house. What type of charms do they wish for?

“Good morning!”

“Ah, good morning, Miss y/n,” a deep voice greeted you back.

Ah, so it’s Zhongli again.

He’s a regular customer, he comes here to see and perhaps buy one or two or all of your charms, pottery and other handmade trinkets you had made.

“Have you come here to see the charms? Have you thought of buying some?” you questioned. Most of the time, he didn’t bring the money, to which a certain someone would come in to his “financial rescue”.

“This charm,” he pointed to the brown and gold six flower knots that had a few auburn and burnish jade beads attached to the tassel, “what was the inspiration of this charm?”

“Ah that one. This charm was inspired by the Liyue god himself, Rex Lapis. It’s to bring about prosperous opportunities and benefits, find a trustworthy and loyal partner..” you spaced out.

Zhongli chuckled to which you snapped out of your own dreamy daze.

“Ah, well, that’s for mostly me and the other ladies who hope for a partner like that. Ahehehe..”

Zhongli simply gave you a small smile. “I’m sure you will.”

“Ah.”

He took a good look at the charm again. “Perhaps I shall hang this outside of the funeral parlour. So Hu Tao wouldn’t be constantly asking me how our profits are doing.”

You giggled at his remark. “Miss Hu Tao’s just worried about her company is all. I’m sure she meant no harm!”

“ Putting that aside, I would like to buy this charm.”

“Did you bring your wallet?”

“Let me-”

“No, he didn’t . Let me help you, Mr Zhongli.”

There comes Mr Zhongli’s walking wallet, Childe.

He’s the one who ends up buying the charms and other things Zhongli wanted to buy.

“Good morning, y/n! How are you this morning? Remembered to eat breakfast? If not I got some.” Childe placed a bento on the wooden counter in front of you.

“Did Xiangling made this?”

“Yeah. She said you should really eat up. She noticed how you were getting a lot more locked up in that little working studio of yours.”

“Is that so?” Lately, you’ve been getting more engrossed in your own charm making and crafts for your shop. You had so much inspiration for the past few weeks.

“ You have to remember to take care of yourself, y/n.”

“Yes, yes. Of course. I’ll make sure of it.”

“You better. Welp, me and Mr Zhongli gotta buzz. See you around, y/n!”

“Bye Childe and Zhongli!”

========================== “Ganyu?”

“Ah! Miss y/n. How is everything going so far?”

Ganyu is not a buyer, but she comes in to patrol. She seems to really enjoy being in your shop to just chat with you, and you of course didn’t mind having to talk to her. Who wouldn’t?

”Great and normal as per usual!” you chuckled stupidly.

Ganyu giggled. “Well that’s great to hear!”

“So are you still taking lessons from Xiao?”

“Yep, still am.”

“How are things going?”

She sighed. “Alright I guess. It’s just a tad bit tiring. But I can manage.”

“Well remember to take breaks every now and then. Don‘t overwork yourself.”

“Thank you, y/n. Take care!”

“You too!”

========================== “Need help?”

You yelped in surprise as you almost toppled the box of charms you were carrying towards the trade boat.

Xiao would appear randomly out of nowhere in the evening to check up on you, for who knows what reason. It’s not that you don’t mind the adeptus’ company, it‘s just that he should really just stop startling you every 5 seconds.

”Oh! Xiao! Um, yeah! Thanks..”

He simply huffed and took the boxes from your hand, carrying it and loading it on the boat.

By that time, you scrambled back into your tiny shop house and took out a plate of his favorite dish; almond tofu.

“Thought you might have come back from your missions. Here as thanks for protecting Liyue and...er helping me carry boxes?” you chuckled awkwardly. He simply grunted. “It’s the job of an adept to protect Liyue. ” Yet he took that plate.

This softie.

You simply smiled and rolled your eyes a little. “Yeah, yeah, of course.”

“Hmph.”

Xiao glance back to the Inn Verr worked in.

“I should get going. And thank you for... the meal.”

”It’s no problem.”

He put on his mask and leaped onto your roof before jumping back to the inn.

You had to admit. He looked really cool doing that.

==========================

“Oh, Lady Ningguang?”

“Hello, dear y/n.” She smiled warmly.

Ningguang sometimes came here to buy your charms, or simply just browsed your items while having conversations with you. Sometimes, she gives you small gifts when she leaves. She wasn’t a regular customer like Zhongli, but she definitely wasn’t a rare sight to encounter, well, at night mostly.

“I actually have an invitation for you.”

”An- an invitation??”

Now that’s something new.

“Yes. I‘m inviting you over to Wangshu Funeral Parlor for some tea. I think you need a well deserved break.”

“Oh. Well, you’re very kind Lady Ninggaung, but I’m not quite sure.” Why that place though?

“Come on now. I insist.”

You sweat dropped. Ningguang sure is persistent.

”Well, I guessed it can’t be helped..”

She beamed.

”Wonderful! Be there at 7 in the evening. Here’s the invitation.”

She handed you a white paper that had words engraved in gold. “Thank you, Lady Ningguang. I’ll be sure to come!”

” Likewise.”

===========================

“Okay,” you mumbled to yourself. You had just set foot outside of your shop house, dressed nicely and presentably as can be for your chat with Ningguang.

“Y/n.”

”Ah! Xiao stop scaring me like that!”

He simply shrugged.

“Where are you going?”

“Wangshu Funeral to meet up with Lady Ningguang.”

Xiao’s eyes widened ever slightly. “Oh yes, it’s 5pm...”

“ What was that?”

“Nothing. Come, I shall help you go to the parlour.”

“You know you don’t have to, Xiao. I’ll be fine. It’s only the evening.”

“No, it’s unsafe during this hour. I’m following you regardless.”

==========================

“Huh?”

“Surprise!”

There stood not just Ningguang, but Zhongli, Ganyu, Childe, Hu Tao, and so many others. Even Keqing was there. And Qiqi and Xiangling!

“Wha- What is all this??”

“It’s to say thank you for always being out for us!” Yanfei exclaimed.

“Out for you..?”

“You’re shop has always brought a peace of mind to many of us, and we thank you for being a friend when we felt down, even if it was unintentional or indirect, we would still like to thank you for being there for us to be invited in your open arms, and for the hard work you have put in,” Zhongli stated as he bowed slightly and took your hand ever so gently, enough to make your cheeks dusted in pink over the charming gesture.

“O-oh, I, um, I never knew that...ahehehe...Well...I’m glad to hear that!”

��Mhm! This party is also for you to relax and hangout!” Ganyu smiled.

You glance at the table that’s filled with dishes of food.

“The food...”

“Don’t worry, y/n! There’s plenty of food to go around! You’ll get the lion’s share obviously!” Xiangling said.

“Yeah, we also bought you gifts! Or at least, I bought half of the gifts on that table over there,” Childe stated as he pointed to a table on the left just loaded with gifts, “not to make it look like you’re birthday, but, ehhhh, yeah.”

“Hmm?”

You looked at all the gifts, the food and everyone else who loved coming to your shop house. What did you do to deserve these wonderful people. You tear up a little, overwhelmed by emotions that couldn’t be explained through words.

“H-hey! I didn’t mean to make you cry!!”

“Way to go, Childe.”

“N-no,” everyone else looked at you worriedly.

“I-I’m just really grateful for all this.... and you guys mostly. Thank you for also being there for me...” you smiled.

Xiao just smiled a little, but it was sincere.

Zhongli went up to you and gently cupped your face up, rubbing your tears away with his thumb. He smiled warmly at you.

“Likewise.”

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jessikahathaway · 3 years ago

Text

Taming the Beast - Part III

HOLY SHIT I'M BACK!

Shout out to @knjsnoona for the beautiful banner! Thank you Amelia it turned out beautiful! And as always thank you to my lovely beta Ryn @queenofthedamnit! Please enjoy guys!

Pairing: Kim Taehyung (V) X Reader

Genre: Romance, Prince!AU, Angst, Fluff, (Future Smut)

Rating: 18+

Warnings: Violence, Gender inequality, Minor Character Death, Strong language, (If I forgot anything please let me know nicely! Thank you <3)

Words: 7.6k

Summary: You were the next in line to be the head of your village, when your mother gave you to the enemy to save your people from merciless slaughter. What happens when they try to Tame a Beast?

You sat, staring out your window. Your hair was still wet, but you had put it down now. Elaine had suggested starting a bath and getting in, but you didn’t want to do it at the moment.

She sighed but acquiesced and left you alone.

You really missed home. Your heart ached at the loss of your family; your people.

You wish there was some way you could hear your mother’s voice. Feel her fingers stroking through your hair on the last night you were with her. It made you feel so alone, so utterly and heartbreakingly alone. There was nothing for you in this place.

Perhaps this is how Taehyung felt that night before you hauled him from the balcony in a frenzy. You couldn’t help but snort at the lunacy of the whole ordeal. Taehyung was dreamy eyed and pliant then.

At this luncheon, he was anything but.

Demanding things of you. Protecting that woman over you, choosing her side…

Was this the life you were expected to live? You were meant to live your life for him? To serve him? What kind of shit was that? The vows Elaine went on about seemed absolutely archaic. In your village, you worked together in the relationship. You each had your roles of course, but there was a mutual respect for each other. You lifted each other up, not tore each other down. How could anyone function like that?

You sighed and brushed your hair away from your face. It was getting long, your mother would’ve loved it. She adored putting jewels and decorating your hair. But now, all that you felt was the hole in your heart where home was supposed to be. Because right now?

You had no home.

No where you belonged.

These people would never accept you as their Queen. Even if Taehyung and his Father worked actively to make you pleasant to the citizens, there was a good chance they still wouldn’t take to you.

You’d been told before by several people here in the palace that you’re hard to swallow and people don’t like you. Maids, servants, people who were supposed to be underneath you in this weird hierarchy were looking down on you. How did that work?

What were you supposed to do?

Every corner lead to disappointment for you and for them. It was hard enough as it was to deal with the different culture and everything that came along with that. Elaine was nice enough, but it was clear she didn’t like you. She was in love with your soon to be husband. You weren’t as asleep as they had thought when they had their little conversation.

You had an inkling there was more than a friendly relationship between the two of them from the beginning. It wasn’t upsetting, you were glad they had found someone but… He’d broken it off, claiming loyalty to you.

Where was that loyalty in front of that court? Where was that protective nature?

This must be an act, right?

Something he puts on in front of her?

Or is it the opposite? He only feels comfortable to show his true self to her because of their background…

Whatever it was, this two sided coin was spinning. And when it falls, you fear you may suffer the consequences…

A soft knock came to your door, startling you back to the present.

Elaine popped her head in.

“Are you ready for that bath now?” She asked, a towel and new clothes already in her hands.

“I’d prefer to be alone, thank you,” you said.

“His Highness the Prince insisted I have you bathe,” she urged.

“Tell him if he wants me to bathe so bad he’ll have to join me,” you gritted out. “Since everyone seems to need to supervise every little thing that I do here. Perhaps I’m bathing wrong.”

You saw Elaine tighten her grip on the bath towels and you didn’t feel an ounce of guilt run through your body. If they were so set on being snobbish, you could play that game.

“My Lady please, just come with me to the baths,” Elaine pleaded.

“No,” you argued back.

“Y/N,” a deep voice came from behind Elaine.

You raised your eyes to meet the dark onyx ones of Taehyung.

“Ah, so you do exist. I thought that after that embarrassment to your pride you’d hide from me for weeks,” you snarked.

“Y/N, just listen-”

“I think I’m done listening for today, if you’d both leave me-”

A coughing fit took over, the chill was already starting to run through you again. The water was truly going to be your end. How ironic.

You’d love playing in it as a child, now the medium was one of death.

“Just get in the bath, come along,” Taehyung urged, beginning to approach you. You saw Elaine’s eyes flare in anger, but she hid it well enough. You were surprised you hadn’t noticed before.

“If I get in the bath then the next meal you’ll have that lady apologize to me, in front of the court,” you said, with piercing eyes.

Taehyung paled.

“You know I can’t do that,” Taehyung sighed.

“You can, you just refuse to admit that they were wrong and I wasn’t. For once I can’t be blamed as the problem in a situation and it doesn’t sit well with you. What a coward you are,” you sighed.

“People who speak to his highness like that can be hanged,” Elaine yelled.

“Elaine, that’s enough! You are dismissed. This is between me and my fiance,” Taehyung said. Elaine’s eyes glazed over before she threw the clothes and fabric on the floor before storming out.

“I won’t lose him. I can’t lose him. I refuse,” she murmured to herself, walking down the hall. All she had to do was get a faulty potion. It was easy enough, she knew where the cheap apothecaries were...

But, she couldn’t do it for real. Just a fake one. Just a fake tonic, that’s all it would take.

She could start showing symptoms soon. It’d been about a month and a half since their last tryst. Elaine’s heart ached with the lost passion between them. Taehyung had been cold and distant since you’d arrived and she’d have none of it anymore.

She’d had him first.

So she’ll have him last.

Her footsteps echoed down the hallway, leaving Taehyung sighing heavily.

“You certainly know how to push all the right buttons,” Taehyung shook his head.

“I know it was her,” you whispered.

The room became deathly quiet.

Taehyung’s face paled even more.

“Y-You what?”

“I know Elaine is the woman you love,” you said, rubbing your elbows defensively.

“B-But how could you know?”

“The way she looks at you. Anyone could see she loves you, although you don’t really return her stare anymore. How sad for her,” you murmured.

“We haven’t done anything since you’ve come here. If you torture her with this-”

“Taehyung, I know we don’t really like each other, but I’m not going to cause suffering without reason. She loves you, there’s no reason to make her suffer more than she already is. I’m not heartless,” you defended.

“Then why do you make everyone believe that you are?” he asked.

“I’ve done this?” you asked, genuinely curious when you’ve made yourself seem like a heartless individual.

“Talking about death so freely, scaring people intentionally, being defiant-”

“Being ‘defiant’ as you call it, isn’t heartless. It’s holding my own, and in a place where there’s no else looking out for me but me? I think I’m well within my right to speak freely and candidly when I think it necessary,” you said.

“You’re so difficult to understand,” he sighed, rubbing his face.

“I hardly think so, I really do speak a lot of what’s on my mind, you people just don’t listen to me.”

Taehyung rubbed his face in frustration.

“You can be so unreasonable,” he said. “But I think you’re right. I don’t think we listen enough to you.”

The surprise must’ve shown on your face because Taehyung’s face broke into a soft smile.

“You’re really something else. And I think everyone should know you are, without making you apologize,” he said slowly.

“You mean I can be myself? Without having to ask for permission? Without apologizing? I can be me?” you asked, trying to keep your hopes from getting too excited.

“There’ll be certain limitations, but you can be yourself with me... I hope that’s enough for now,” he said.

You knew there would be a catch at some point. But this was a start, albeit a dangerous one. If you bore everything to Taehyung and he went and told the King or his advisors, they could manipulate you into doing everything they want...

“As long as you do the same with me. Be yourself,” you said.

“Consider it a deal.”

“You’ll tell him today,” the deep voice told her. She stood in the study awkwardly, rubbing her palms together.

“Yes,” Elaine said, biting her lip.

“Is there a problem, Elaine?”

Elaine couldn’t help but shudder at the ice in the tone used. She hated dealing with people like him, but there wasn’t much that could be done. If she wanted to keep Taehyung, there was little to be done but to force her hand.

His hand twirled in the air, she watched as a dark purple glow entered her chest.

Taehyung... Taehyung and her-together? That’s all she could see. All she cared about...

She took her trays and started towards the kitchen. She greeted the cooks like she usually did, a soft smile on her features. But underneath it all...

Elaine was a beautiful woman. No wonder Taehyung was so infatuated with her while growing up.

You sat on the counter of the kitchen, staring at Elaine.

Taehyung had managed to finagle you into a bath with a couple of the other maids helping. You were a bit of a menace but you couldn’t really help it. They were pulling your hair a bit. And you were certain that it was on purpose.

But something about Elaine seemed off today.

She was beautiful, yes, you’d been aware of this from the first day you’d met her. She wasn’t really mean. Petty, absolutely, but not truly mean hearted. There was a certain look to people like that, they held themselves differently than everyone else in the room. Like they had something to hide.

And for the first time since you met Elaine, she held that very same look.

So, you decided to follow her a bit.

You didn’t have much going on today anyways. This might prove to be much more interesting than anything else. Plus, she was your head maid, so you were allowed to be with her. Perhaps they’d think you were starting to get along with people.

Playing nice.

Hardly.

But as you followed her around, you noticed that her shoulders were tense. She was up to something, but you just couldn’t put your finger on it. You already knew she and Taehyung had been together, but Taehyung had said that there hadn’t been anything between them since you’d arrived.

He’d even begun to be more open with you. Even though you haven’t been allowed back at another court session, Taehyung said you’d get the opportunity to show yourself in a different light at an upcoming ball.

If you showed the people how appealing you could be when you wanted, then maybe you could get close enough to let the barrier down and truly open up.

It was getting more and more difficult to deal with these people. Looking down on you. You were a Princess in your own right from your tribe; there wasn’t a higher position for someone your age unless married.

This kind of insult would’ve been handled swiftly back home-no...

This was your home now. How ridiculous of you to forget...

Your mother would only come once you conceived to help you while giving birth and then she would leave again...

Then that would be it... You’d never see her after that...

The idea made you want to cry, but you had other things to focus on right now. Elaine headed towards a random room towards the servants quarters and she shut the door, knocking on it four times.

You hid behind a pillar to see if anyone came after that. And lo and behold, someone did.

Taehyung walked into the room carefully, looking around but not really caring much before rushing inside of the room and shutting the door with a soft click. You got closer then, leaning against the wall against the cold stone of the palace.

“Taehyung, this is serious. Quit,” you heard Taehyung whine something, but it was unclear.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t expect you to call so suddenly. You know we can’t do anything, but I can kiss you. I’m not married yet, not just yet so let me kiss you at the very least,” Taehyung complained.

“Taehyung,” Elaine said in a shaky tone. “I haven’t bled this month.”

Your heart stopped in your chest.

She hadn’t bled? How long?

“W-What do you mean you haven’t bled? What about the tonics you’re supposed to take?” Taehyung’s voice turned concerned.

“I had to buy it from a different apothecary. The one I usually purchase from wasn’t there at the market. I’m sorry Taehyung, but I’m scared, I don’t know what to do!”

Taehyung sighed.

“You have to leave,” he said.

“What?”

You could hear the confusion in Elaine’s tone. That certainly wasn’t what she was expecting him to say.

“Do you realize what this will do to the alliance? If it’s discovered I got a servant pregnant... My father will kill you. He won’t care-”

“You won’t let him, I know you’ll defend us,” she said, placing her hand on her stomach gently.”

“Elaine I can’t! I can’t even protect my soon to be wife from him, let alone you and a possible child.”

“Possible? Taehyung I haven’t bled! That’s as good as saying I’m-”

Her voice cut off quickly.

“Don’t you say it, you don’t know who could be listening. Imagine if Y/N heard this? She could call this whole thing off and then the kingdom is defenseless against the Jung empire. What will we do if she tells her family of this? How will it look?”

“You’re talking as if this is all my fault! Stand up to your father, tell him you don’t want to marry Y/N! Tell him that you’ll marry the woman who is carrying your child!”

“Can you hear yourself? This is all delusional thinking! I’ve heard women can skip bleeding if they’re stressed enough. You’ve been nothing but stressed since Y/N got here. Perhaps that is the case and not a child,” Taehyung said, trying to soothe her. But apparently all he did was agitate her.

“And what if it’s not? What if I really am pregnant Taehyung!? This is how you react? I thought you loved me, I thought that what we had-”

“You have to forget me. You really can’t keep bringing this up, Elaine. I loved you so much, I loved you until my lungs ached, but we can no longer be together. I-I long to kiss you, to tell you how much I do love you. But the more I do that, the more I hurt us both. I’m trying to build a relationship with Y/N, the future Queen. There’s nothing I can do about this, as much as it hurts me. And believe me when I tell you Elaine, to have loved you has been a great treasure to me. But now, we both must let go,” he urged. You could hear the emotion in his voice and knew this was all he could do.

“Taehyung don’t give up-please. Don’t give up on us,” she said, quietly.

“I have to give you up, as much as it hurts me,” he whispered.

“And if I am with child?”

Taehyung was silent for a moment.

“I’ll give you something, enough to give you a decent life. Something to care for you and the child for the rest of your lives. But that’s all I can do. We can’t have a bastard child in this palace, can you imagine what the court would do to them? Look at what they’re already doing to Y/N,” he said.

“But she’s a savage! In this palace! She deserves every ounce of anger and hatred thrown her way! She doesn’t belong here!” Elaine spit out.

You didn’t think that those words would sting so much coming from her, but they do. She’d always been kind to you, kind enough. You knew she didn’t particularly like you, but, those words stung just the same.

You really shouldn’t listen anymore. This was a private conversation that you were peering in on. How shameful, your mother would be disappointed.

Sighing, you pushed the door open.

Taehyung and Elaine both looked at you, tears prevalent in their eyes.

“What are you doing here?” Taehyung asked.

“I’ve been listening. I apologize, I shouldn’t have intruded. But, I was following Elaine.”

Elaine’s face turned to shock.

“H-How long? Why?” She asked.

“Originally? It was curiosity, you seemed different today. Now I know why,” you said.

“What do you want?” she asked. “I won’t get rid of it. I refuse, you can’t make me!” She cried.

“I haven’t said anything yet,” you soothed.

“Y-You’re here to take Taehyung away from me. That’s all you’ve ever been here to do. I-I won’t let you,” she said, shaking.

“Elaine calm down,” Taehyung said, rubbing her shoulders.

“You don’t see it. None of you see how much better I am than her. How perfect I would be as your bride! As your wife. I would obey you, everything you asked I would do it! Without question!”

“Perhaps that’s not the kind of bride he needs. Maybe Taehyung needs someone to question him so that he can think harder about the decisions that need to be made,” you said off handedly.

Although that wasn’t the right thing to say.

“What?”

“Y/N, stop!”

“This isn’t meant to be malicious,” you said, putting your hands up.

“Everything you do is disgusting! I’ve had to watch you and take care of you while knowing that I’d be perfect for Taehyung.”

“Elaine! That’s enough! She knows now, that means she could get you killed!”

“Taehyung, I'm not going to get her killed!” You exclaimed.

“It might not even be intentional. But now that you know who she is to me, you-you hold that power over me.”

“It’s not something I intend to hold over you, that’s wrong any way you look at it. Elaine, if you are pregnant Taehyung can figure something out where you can live comfortably. But he’s right when he says you can’t be together. If he marries you, then war will start all over again, countless will die. Plus, if you think the people will like you any more than me, you’re mistaken,” you said.

“Y/N,” Taehyung warned.

“I’m not saying this to be harmful, but you need to know this Elaine. If you truly are pregnant, I’ll protect you and your child with my life. They’ll never be discovered. But you’ll never have Taehyung. And I apologize for that,” you whispered, bowing your head slightly.

“You’re going to die if you keep saying shit like that,” Elaine said, head still staring down at the floor.

“Elaine, calm down. This can be resolved calmly and orderly. You need to focus,” Taehyung said.

“Focus-yes. Exactly,” she said, lifting her head. You saw the tinge of purple around her irises and fear struck down your chest.

“Magic. She’s been charmed, Taehyung,” you warned.

“What?” he asked, looking towards Elaine.

“Her irises are purple. It’s a charm, she’s dangerous. Be very careful with what you say,” you warned.

“Coming from you, that’s hard to swallow,” Taehyung sighed.

“You’re trying to take him away from me. It’s you, you’re the problem. I-If I get rid of you, then we can be happy. Taehyung and I can be together and be in love...”

“No Elaine, we can’t!” Taehyung shouted.

“Listen to me Taehyung. If we kill Y/N, then everything is solved. She’s gone, saying it was an accident and I’m sure her people will still back you. Then you can face the Jung empire with them and we can be together,” her voice was getting frantic.

“Elaine, that's not something you should be saying. It’s treason!” Taehyung warned.

“She’s not your wife yet, I can say what I want. And I intend to!” she growled, coming forward and digging her fingers into your flesh.

“You’re pathetic. Clinging to Taehyung like a lifeline when you know you’re alone here. There’s not one person in this palace that cares for you. You’re disgusting, lower than trash. I hate you, I hate what you’ve done to him, and what you’ve made me do, you’ve made me a murderer,” she said, brandishing a blade from her side.

“Elaine, what are you doing?!” Taehyung screamed.

“You don’t want to fight me,” you warned.

“I do, and I’m going to win,” she snarled.

“You have motivation, but I have the patience,” you explained.

She struck then, aiming for your throat. She’s charmed so she’s stronger than she’d usually be, so you took her momentum and threw her over your shoulder, having her land hard on her back.

“Y/N, Elaine!” Taehyung yelped, rushing over.

“Stay back Taehyung, she won’t stop. You don’t need to get in the crossfire. I was bred to do this,” you said, eyes narrowing and looking at Elaine with sheer venom.

“I won’t back down,” she wavered. Purple around her irises blinking out for a moment.

She was fighting it.

“Don’t expect me to,” you stated.

“Please Y/N, what if she is pregnant you need to be careful,” Taehyung said.

“I’ll do my best but she’s not going to give me an opportunity to go easy,” you said, moving right as she jabbed the knife up and almost slicing your cheek. She hauled herself off the floor in her skirts and everything, panting hard against the corset.

Corset...

If she thought she was pregnant, she would’ve taken it off.

There’s something more going on here. There's something that she isn’t saying.

It’s seconds later that she tries to land a stab to your stomach. You manage to move in time to avoid getting skewered. But it’s the fact that she’s attacking so erratically that’s throwing you off. You’re used to tactical fighting, not this kind of mess she’s putting on.

You moved out of her way yet again, but Taehyung caught her by the shoulders. “Elaine, stop this before you or Y/N get hurt!”

Taehyung had never seen Elaine act so feral. Would she do this if she really was pregnant? It seems really dangerous. Especially to someone supposedly with child. Unless…

“She’s lying Taehyung! She’s not pregnant!”

“How do you know? You’re nobody, just a random savage that they picked up to play a princess,” Elaine growled.

“I’m a Princess of the Nightcrawler Tribe and you won’t say such things to me without consequences.” With that you charged forward and hit her right in the chest, knocking the wind out of her, watching as she lay flat on the floor.

“Stay down,” Taehyung warned her. “Y/N is trained in hand to hand combat you had no chance.”

“I won’t lose, I refuse,” Elaine said, standing up and shakily holding the knife out towards you.

“What is the meaning of this?” Seokjin’s voice echoed through the room. Elaine’s charm seemed to disappear, eyes turning back to their original color. She looked at the knife in her hand and to Taehyung, then to you.

“M-My Lady, I’m so sorry,” she whispered, dropping the knife quickly.

“It’s alright-”

“It’s treason, actually Lady Y/N. Something that Miss Elaine is quite aware of,” Jimin’s voice said, appearing behind Seokjin like he’d been there the whole time.

“What’s the meaning of this?” Seokjin asked, raising a brow at Elaine, Taehyung and yourself.

“N0thing’s going on, nothing’s wrong,” Taehyung scrambled to say.

“Highness, a servant is pointing a weapon at your fiancé, I believe there is something wrong with that,” Jimin said.

“She’s not anymore so let’s just forget it happened,” you urged, coming towards Elaine.

“Please don’t, you’ll make it worse,” she whispered.

Freezing in your tracks you looked back at Jimin and Seokjin who had solemn looks on their faces.

“Miss Elaine, this is treason, you know the punishment,” Jimin said, brining his sword out.

��Please no,” Taehyung whispered.

“I-I’ll leave, you’ll never hear from me again I swear it,” she promised, kneeling on the ground, putting her head to the floor.

Jimin came forward.

The room was dead silent. No one breathed.

“That’s not the punishment for treason,” he said, taking his sword and running it through her back. Jimin pulled his sword back and sheathed it, stepping behind Seokjin once more.

“Justice has been served. We’ll alert the King of the proceedings and other members of the guard. If she was after Lady Y/N, we know there will be other’s. This wedding needs to happen soon,” Seokjin stated.

“Ack,” Elaine groaned, falling to the side, blood pooling from her stomach.

Taehyung collapsed next to her, bringing her head into his lap, staining his clothes with blood.

“The servants will be back to collect her,” Jimin stated, turning and headed out the door, Seokjin following him shortly thereafter.

You sighed and looked down, turning your back and heading towards the door.

“W-wait,” Elaine’s weak voice reached your ears. You turned and looked at Taehyung’s tear filled eyes and swallowed hard.

“Yes Elaine,” you said, coming back.

“T-There’s something you both should know. I-I wasn’t alone… I was working with someone… Someone wants you dead Lady Y/N, and they want the crown for themselves-”

“Who? Who Elaine?” You asked, trying to get the information. But she gripped onto Taehyung’s hand tighter and you knew that this was their chance. Their last chance.

“I love you Taehyung. I really do, and I’m sorry Lady Y/N, I was blinded by jealousy, and I wish you nothing but good things in your life. I apologize,” she coughed, blood staining her hands.

“I love you too Elaine, as much as I shouldn’t. I’ve loved you for so long, I’m sorry I was cruel,” he whimpered.

“It’s okay, you’re going to be okay. Lady Y/N is going to take care of you and you’re going to take care of her,” she whispered.

“But-”

“Shh now, Taehyung,” she said, holding his hand. “It’s okay. I know we were never going to be forever. That’s okay, find someone who can be your forever,” she urged.

“I-I want forever with you,” Taehyung hiccuped.

“I-I did... as well,” she whispered.

“I love you Elaine,” Taehyung cried.

“I love... you...”

Her hand dropped from his cheek and hit the floor, splattering blood across the dirt.

The dam within Taehyung broke as tears fell down his cheeks quickly, sobs wracked his body. You wanted to say something, you wanted to comfort him. But there were no words that could convey how sorry you were to him. All of them would do Elaine an injustice.

She wasn’t the bad guy...

She just got caught in the middle of a fight she never should’ve seen.

Taehyung grabbed Elaine and pulled her limp body to him, kissing her head and rocking back and forth. You could feel his pain like it was your own, your heart ached for him and for the love he’d lost.

He was utterly broken at this moment, and you had no idea how to help him put himself back together.

The sound of feet and metal carried through the hall.

Guards?

Soon there were several bodies crammed around the room. You stood to protect Taehyung while he grieved, but soon were shoved out of the way by Xavier. You landed on the ground like a rag, making your eyes widen. How did he do that so easily?

“What do you call this?” Xavier asked, staring at Taehyung’s weeping form.

“Please, leave us,” Taehyung whimpered, shedding more tears at the sight of servants entering the room.

“Reganold, remove this harlot from the Prince’s feet, someone get a bath running for him. I want that whore’s blood off of him this instant. We don’t need any more reason to make the public think you’re a weak willed man, Prince Taehyung,” Xavier grilled.

“How dare you speak to him like that,” you said, standing up and glaring at the Royal Advisor with nothing but malice. “He’s hurting. He’s allowed. He’s human.”

“He’s a prince first,” Xavier said, waving you off with a dismissive hand.

“No, he’s a person first. Prince is just a label you’ve placed on him and forced him to adhere to. He might be no better than a commoner in your eyes with his emotions, but that makes him so much stronger than you’ll ever know. A King with compassion is more powerful than anyone takes care to notice,” you growled.

“One more word Lady Y/N, and I’ll have you forcefully removed,” Xavier warned.

“Here my boy, hand her here,” Reganold said, leaning down to pick up Elaine from Taehyung’s bloodied hands.

“No, please not yet,” Taehyung pleaded.

“She’s in a better place now,” the older butler soothed, easing Elaine’s body from Taehyung’s grasp and into his own. A few other maid’s came over and started to clean Taehyung up, but he seemed to be losing his contact with reality.

“Taehyung,” you called, stepping forward.

“Grab her,” Xavier said.

“But-” however before you could protest, arms were linking yours and hauling you off your feet.

“Remove her, the Prince and I need to have a private conversation,” Xavier said, raising his chin as Taehyung’s eyes seemed to lose all their light.

“Please! Let me talk to him! Let me speak with him,” you begged,

“I have nothing,” Taehyung whispered as you were removed from the room.

Me neither, you wanted to scream back at him.

But it wasn’t as true as you’d thought.

Roaming the halls that night you shuddered.

A different maid had been assigned as your handler for lack of a better word, but she was almost silent when she worked, hardly speaking unless spoken to. At least Elaine would try to make conversation, even if she apparently didn’t like you as much as you had perceived.

It was cold down this hallway.

You walked past the study in this wing of the palace and saw Taehyung on the balcony yet again. But this time, he wasn’t talking.

He was staring at the stars, blankly gazing into the bright night.

Slowly, you approached him.

Placing your hands on the railing you watched him carefully. If he had noticed your approach he hadn’t acknowledged you, and you weren’t expecting him to either. He’d been a lot that day. His eyes were still red like he’d continued crying after the guards had dragged you out of the room and locked you away in your room until dinner time.

You knew Taehyung was hurting more than you could comfort right now.

But maybe someone else could.

“Queen Hiyori, my name is Y/N Y/L/N and I’m of the Night crawler tribe. I-I’m speaking with you because I’m worried about your son. Prince Taehyung,” you said, keeping your eyes trained on the moon. “He suffered a great loss today and I was hoping you could bring him some comfort. I don’t know the words to say to bring him peace, I don’t know if I ever will. But, I do know that you bring him peace when he needs it. So, please, Queen Hiyori, bring solace to his mind and love to his heart.”

Suddenly you felt strong arms pushing you against the cold stone brick of the palace.

“Shut up, just shut up!” Taehyung screamed at you.

You froze.

This wasn’t what you were expecting.

You wanted to extend an olive branch to him, something that would show him that you wouldn’t let him be alone during this. He wasn’t by himself.

You didn’t expect him to be angry.

Although, you shouldn’t be surprised.

This was his mother, you didn’t really have a right to be calling for her.

“Please… Please stop,” he begged, hands gripping tighter.

“Stop what?” You asked, wondering if you were thinking the same thing.

“Stop being so kind… Stop doing brash things, it’s dangerous. These people won’t hesitate to make you obsolete. It’s horrific the things I’ve seen. The things I’ve allowed to happen. I never should’ve fallen in love with Elaine, I never should’ve been intimate with her… But I loved her so much, how could I say no?”

Taehyung’s eyes filled with tears once more and you felt your heart lurch.

He wasn’t angry with you. Not in the slightest.

He was so utterly heartbroken that there was nothing else he could see. There was only Elaine, and the loss he’d suffered today. You were here, you could comfort him. You just needed to try.

“Taehyung,” you whispered.

“Please, I-I don’t know how much more I can take. He’s gonna kill me when he finds out that I slept with a servant. If she wasn’t already dead… I’d fear for her life,” he choked out.

“I’m here,” you breathed, slowly bringing your hands to his wrists, taking them away from your shoulders and interlocking your hands.

You weren’t good at comforting. It wasn’t really your forte. But like hell you weren’t going to try.

“Please don’t leave me,” he cried, wrapping his arms around your neck and locking them tight. You almost couldn’t breathe, his mass almost enough to overpower you, but you locked your stance and held him up, keeping him strong.

“I won’t leave you,” you said softly.

You weren’t sure why you said it. But you were certain if there was one person in this forsaken palace you could trust, it was Taehyung. Even though he could switch at the drop of a hat, you knew it was a conditioned response. He didn’t know what a stable relationship looked like, except with his mother and that ended horribly.

The same could be said with Elaine.

You let him cry into you a few moments longer before pulling him back and wiping his tears from his face gingerly. You watched as he leaned closer, and closer…

Softly you place a thumb over his lips so yours wouldn’t touch.

Taehyung pulled back quickly, almost like he was shocked at his behavior.

“I-I apologize,” he said, bowing at the waist clumsily.

“It’s alright Taehyung, but I don’t think you should think with your heart for a little while. It’s wounded, but once you heal, we can revisit this course of action,” you winked. Taehyung flushed bright pink, looking down at the ground to avoid eye contact with you.

“I-I’ll leave you to go to bed, good night Y/N… And-thank you,” he said, walking off of the balcony leaving you alone in the starlight.

You sat there for a moment, letting the moon and stars swirl above your head. You took a deep breath in, moving your hands up to your face. Running your fingers along your lips you felt the heat in your face.

Smacking your cheeks a few times you rushed inside and to your room, hoping no one saw your embarrassed features.

As you nestled into bed you tried not to think of the misunderstood Prince with the stars in his eyes.

—

“The wedding will be hosted in a fortnight,” the King announced at the table.

It had been a few days since Elaine’s death and you were shocked to say the least.

“B-But Sire we-” Xavier was cut off quickly.

“I will hear nothing of it, the sooner we solidify this allegiance the sooner we can have the night crawler troops coming to our aid in the south,” the King declared.

“Father, we hardly have had time to get to know each other. Plus, she’s not yet finished her training,” Taehyung said, trying to sway him towards a longer wait.

“Taehyung silence, you have no say in this matter any more. You think that sleeping around with the staff will make you a respectable king? You’re laughable. You must be loyal to your bride,” the King announced.

Taehyung turned bright red in shame, head turning down and focusing on his lap.

You felt anger course through you at the blatant disrespect for him, but you kept quiet, trying to avoid attention.

The court was here and you didn’t need to make any more enemies here. That one snot nosed lady was still sitting towards the King, making your blood boil, but you refrained. Something you’d learned was useful to do since coming here. But the problem was, there was nowhere for your bottled up emotions to go.

Except deeper down.

You felt like a bottle fit to burst at times, but here was not the time or place. You needed to aid Taehyung somehow, but not by throwing the usual fit.

You had to focus on what mattered. Your alliance with Regreya, Taehyung’s safety.... Your own safety to be honest.

This court business was brutal and you hardly understood half of what was happening at all times. They spoke in riddles with each other, trying to out smart one while informing the other. It was ridiculous to be honest.

Why make all these people your enemies when you could utilize each person as an asset. Why make enemies when you can make allies instead?

“Xavier, I want the preparations made. Invitations sent, this will be a glamorous affair. We will show the Jung Empire that we are stronger now than ever before. With the Night Crawlers at our side we will be nigh unstoppable,” the King smiled, something akin to a grimace that made your stomach churn with unease.

“It will be done, your majesty,” Xavier said, bowing his head low.

“And Taehyung, I expect your bride to be pregnant with an heir within the year’s end,” he said, picking up a piece of meat and shoving it in his mouth. The juices ran down his beard, making you want to be sick.

Within the year’s end? The frost would be coming in less than two months. You didn’t have a lot of time...

“Taehyung, speak when spoken to,” the King growled.

“Y-Yes, Father,” he whispered. Your head shot to Taehyung. He was just going to let the King demand a child of you two? You knew it was expected at some point, but so soon? It seemed a little rushed.

Like he was planning something.

“And if she has trouble conceiving?” Xavier asks. “Who knows what kind of things they do to young women from her upbringing. I think we should give them a little more time than the year’s end, sire,” Xavier spoke up.

“Perhaps you’re right Xavier. I wouldn’t want her to birth a lame heir, we’ll give them a year to conceive,” the King stated. “However the marriage will be consummated on the wedding night.”

“Yes, the guards and maids will confirm it,” Xavier said.

Taehyung’s face had remained red for the duration of the conversation. You just kept your mouth shut, trying not to literally burst at the seams from anger. But you felt a gentle hand on your elbow, Taehyung’s head was down, but his arm had extended to grab you. Gingerly, you grabbed his hand and held it under the table, soothing his knuckles with your thumb in a manner that felt odd, but it seemed to bring him some comfort so, you continued.

The rest of the meal was boring and you hardly tasted the food as it went in your mouth. But Taehyung’s hand held firmly in yours, and neither of you let go.

The wedding approached much faster than you had anticipated.

Soon, jewels were decorating your throat tightly, making your chest constrict even tighter in the corset. The boning in the damned thing was exquisite. So much so that it took your breath away. Quite literally.

They pulled this ridiculous white dress over your body, latching it on in different places. The sleeves billowed and pulled in at your shoulder, elbow and wrist, creating a puffed effect. There were several beads and lace pieces being laid at the last minute.

But then came the hair.

The ladies spared you no favors in yanking and pulling on your head as they tried to get your hair to behave to their standards. You gave them some grief, but a firm look from the head maid quieted you down.

Your hair was decorated with more finery, something that could feed people for years, and it was just sitting on your head... They laced down the pieces and slowly, in front of the mirror an ugly duckling became a swan...

At least in their eyes.

You looked almost nothing like yourself.

And they still weren’t done, they continued to paint your face with rouges and colors that complimented your skin tone, but it all seemed like a mask...

You’d prepared your vows and the whole court was going to be in attendance. You certainly hoped you hadn’t gone through all this trouble just to be ridiculed even more on this day. Today was already tough enough as it is.

You desperately wanted your mother.

She was the one supposed to put the jewelry on you, to tie your hair into a beautiful arrangement of her choosing on your head. To paint the reddest of colors on your lips.

She was supposed to make you a warrior queen...

But now, all you were was a doll.

You felt almost empty at the thought of walking down the aisle towards a man you’d barely come to know. You’d taken comfort in each other in public settings, almost making it appear as though you were in love. But Taehyung was very much still grieving the loss of Elaine and you weren’t sure how tonight would go.

But you swallowed hard and stood when asked, and made your way towards the door.

The head maid handed you off to the guard, Jimin, who had murdered Elaine. Your arm felt heavy in his as he walked you down the grand staircase.

The stone was cool to the touch, making a shiver go down your spine. Everything about today felt so wrong. So terribly wrong. It felt like you were itching in your skin and desperate to be free of this garment, of these heavy jewels.

But you kept your gate with him as he led you to two mahogany doors.

“Time to smile princess,” Jimin taunted. You wanted to scowl, to throw him off you and pummel him into the floor. But you did as he said and put the brightest smile you could make on your face as the doors opened. You gripped your flowers in your hand as the ladies carried your dress behind you.

The court stood, watching as the ‘beast’ walked down the aisle towards their beloved Prince. As they sullied their ‘kind’ for you. For the greater good.

Young girls threw flower petals along the floor before you as you walked, making you look down at the red staining the white satin traipsing along the ground.

Soon, you looked up and saw Taehyung. His collared shirt was high on his neck, almost like it was-

There, right beneath the frill was a purpling bruise.

Fury infused your being as you walked towards him.

Jimin handed you off properly, keeping your hands firmly in Taehyung's.

“You may all be seated,” the priest said.

The crowd shuffled into their seats, heads straight forward as you tried to keep your eyes trained on Taehyung.

“We are gathered here today to witness the joining of two lovers in Holy matrimony,” he began.

Taehyung’s hands were shaking terribly as he droned on about anyone wanting to stop the proceedings. You rubbed your thumb over his knuckles slowly, trying to ease his frantic heartbeat that you could feel in his palms.

“To love someone is to cherish them, no matter their flaws, no matter their misgivings. To love someone is to understand that there will be times you must obey,” the priest said.

You bit your lip, but kept your eyes glued on Taehyung.

“His Highness, Prince Taehyung, do you take Lady Y/N to be your lawfully wedded wife and in the eyes of God?”

“I-I... I do,” Taehyung stammered out.

“My Lady Y/N, do you take our highness, Prince Taehyung, to be your lawfully wedded husband and in the eyes of God?”

You looked at Taehyung and gave his hands a squeeze.

A small reassurance.

The only thing you could offer him.

“I do.”

“By the power vested in me and in the eyes of God I pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss the bride,” the priest said.

Taehyung inhaled sharply, before surging forward and kissing you boldly in front of the crowd.

Claps arose from the court, but all you could focus on was Taehyung’s sweet kiss. You slowly began to wind your hands up his arms when he pulled away quickly, taking your hand and interlocking your fingers.

“To the Regreyian Royal Family! May they be prosperous and strong!” the priest hollered.

Taehyung dragged you down the aisle towards the exit and into the feast hall.

All you could think of though, was his soft kiss, and gentle hands as the doors of the chapel shut behind you.

Taglist -

@ladyartemesia, @lolalee24, @mawwnsterr, @defenestre-me, @musicalitae, @asifihaveaclue, @midnightsora, @mylifeisafxingmess, @jeonartemis, @coolmusicnut, @daydreambrliever, @chimchoom, @getmemyfries, @nikkiordonez12, @m00nchild-02, @creamberrypies, @delightpcy, @sanislifealways

#ficswithluv #ksmutclub #52hertz #Kim Taehyung #V #BTS #Bangtan #Kim Taehyung V #Kim Taehyung X Reader #Reader Insert #BTS reader insert #Taming the Beast #Jessika Hathaway #Future Smut #Like maybe even the next chapter Idk #guard Jimin #guard seokjin #Arranged Marriage !AU #Fantasy AU

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gates-keeper · 3 years ago

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Part 1: “Words of Affirmation” Destiel Quotes & Parallels

I’m sure someone’s done this before me and done it better, but I’m compiling a huge Destiel evidence docket for no reason. Anyone got any quotes to add?

Comments From Outside Characters

To Dean

Uriel: “He has this weakness. He likes you.” (4x10)

Balthazar: “You have me confused with the other angel. You know, the one in the dirty trench coat who’s in love with you.” (6x17)

Hester: “The first time Castiel laid a hand on you in Hell, he was lost.” (7x21)

Meg: “He was your boyfriend first.” (7x23)

Charlie: “What about Castiel? He seems helpful. And dreamy.” (8x20)

Marie: “Although we do explore the nature of Destiel in Act 2.” (10x5)

Sam: “Shouldn’t it be Deastiel?” He then goes on to tease Dean with “Sastiel” which Dean takes negatively. (10x5)

Dean: “This Cas is looking at me weird.” Sam: “So like the real Cas then.” (15x14)

To Castiel

Hannah: “We gave you our trust. Don’t lose it over one man.” (9x22)

Metatron: “His true weakness is revealed. He’s in love…with humanity.” (9x22)

Metatron: “Oh, that’s right. To save Dean Winchester. That was your goal, right? I mean, you draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but, ultimately, it was about saving one human, right?” (9x23)

Ishim: “I’m going to cure you of your human weakness [i.e. Dean]” (12x10)

The Empty: “I have tiptoed through all your little tulips. Your memories, your little feelings, yes. I know what you hate. I know who you love…There is nothing for you back there.” (13x4)

Demon: “I thought you were joined at the… (looks down) everything.” (14x01)

There are also several instances where other characters try to poke at insecurities regarding their relationship.

Naomi: “You're hoping Castiel will return to you. I admire your loyalty. I only wish he felt the same way.” (8x19)

Casifer: “There comes a time when every relationship has run its course.” (11x18)

Michael!Dean: “You only tolerate the angel because you think you owe him, because he ‘gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition.’ Or whatever.” (14x10)

Comments From Dean

To Cas

“There are two things I know for certain. One, Bert and Ernie are gay. And two, you are not going to die a virgin.” (5x03)

“So what? I’m Thelma and you’re Louise and we’re just going to hold hands and sail off this cliff together?” (5x03)

“You know what? Blow me, Cas.” (5x18)

“Cas, not for nothing, but the last time someone looked at me like that, I got laid.” (5x18)

“Look, I don’t need to feel like hell for failing you, okay? For failing you like I’ve failed every other godforsaken thing that I care about! I don’t need it!” (8x07)

“We need you. I need you.”

For more on this quote see the “We vs. I” section.

To Other Characters

Bobby: “I think maybe it’s time you made a call.” Dean: “Why does it always gotta be me that makes the call, huh? It’s not like Cas lives in my ass. The dude’s busy.” (Cas appears) Dean: “Get out of my ass.” Cas: “I was never in your… (head tilt)” (6x19)

“On my car…. He showed up naked… covered in bees.” (7x23)

While Cas suffered from some mental issues at the time, it seems somewhat significant that he sought Dean out under the circumstances, not Sam, etc.

“There’s things… people… feelings that I want to experience differently than I have before, or maybe even for the first time.” (10x16)

“My shy but devastatingly handsome friend here” (12x12)

“He came into my room and he played me.” (12x19)

“Let’s see. Crowley’s dead, Kelly’s dead, Cas is—Mom’s gone.” (13x01)

Dean’s inability to list Cas’s death singles him out as the most devastating of the losses.

“We’ve lost everything. And now you’re gonna bring him back.” (13x01)

While some people have heard this as “bring ‘em back”, the Netflix captions and transcripts I have been able to find say “him.”

“And Cas bought it. And you know what it got him? It got him dead! Now you may be able to forget about that, but I can't!” (13x03)

“I have a family.” (In response to John Winchester lamenting Dean doesn’t have a wife and kids) (14x13)

Comments From Cas

To Dean

“I was getting too close to the humans in my charge. You. They feel I've begun to express emotions. The doorways to doubt.” (4x16)

“I’m hunted. I rebelled. And I did it—all of it—for you.” (5x02)

“I gave everything for you. And this is what you give to me.” (5x18)

“I do everything that you ask. I always come when you call.” (6x21)

“So you will bow down and profess your love unto me, your Lord.” (6x22)

Before taking on the role of God, Cas seemed very concerned with Dean’s forgiveness/acceptance/love. It is interesting that, as God, that was the first thing he asked for, turning from Sam (who had just stabbed him) to Dean to ask for love.

“Sam, and everyone you know, everyone you love, they could be long dead. Everyone except me.” (10x22)

“I love you. I love all of you.” (Arguably to the group, but the first “I love you” can be seen as Dean-specific, especially since it cuts to Dean after being said.) (12x12)

“You mean too much to me. To everything.” (12x9) (To Mary, Sam, and Dean. However, the camera immediately cuts to Dean specifically, even though he is in the back of the group).

“I’m your Huckleberry.” (13x06)

Cas love confession (15x18)

To Other Characters

“Dean and I do share a more profound bond.” (6x03)

“I won’t hurt Dean.” (8x17)

This is said as Castiel is breaking away from Naomi’s mind control—mind control she fostered specifically by having Cas kill a thousand versions of Dean. This implies she knows that Cas’s strongest loyalty is to Dean, not Sam, or humans in general.

“The point is that they [Dean & Sam] were here at all and you got to know them, you -- When they're gone, it will hurt, but that hurt will remind you of how much you loved them.” (14x14)

“You know, Dean, he... he feels things more acutely than any human I've ever known.” (15x13)

Other Comments

Reaper: “How do I start looking for this... Castiel?” Bartholomew: “I got one word for you. Winchester.”

Rowena: “An Angel of the Lord, shattered at the altar of Winchester.”

Use of We vs. I

In the crypt scene in Season 8, Dean tells Cas, “We need you.” This is not enough to stop Cas’s actions. When the language switches to “I need you,” Cas drops the angel blade.

We can clearly see that Dean tries to put up barriers about how he really feels about Cas in his use of “We.” For example, after showing the audience many scenes of Dean, not Sam, frantically trying to call Cas, we get the following lines:

“So not only were you ditching us, but you were also ignoring us?”

“With everything that's going on, you can't just go dark like that. We didn't know what happened to you. We were worried. That's not okay.”

It’s clear that these “we’s” are really “I’s”

In the alternate future presented in 15x9, Sam asks Dean, “What’s happened to you Dean… ever since…?” to which Dean responds, “Ever since what? We lost pretty much everyone we’ve ever cared about? Ever since the Mark made Cas go crazy and I had to bury him in a Malak box… ever since then?” While he acknowledges Sam’s losses as well, his switch to “I” in reference to Cas implies that Cas’s loss belongs especially to him.

(Mostly) Verbal Parallels to Other Couples

In 1x01 (start at 2:27), Dean pulls Sam away from a dead Jess in a direct parallel to how Sam pulls Dean away from Cas in 12x23

Following Jessica’s death, Sam keeps seeing glimpses of her as he and Dean travel around in the Impala. Dean does the same in Season 8 following his return from Purgatory without Cas.

David from “Bloodlines” (9x20) tells his love interest, “I was there. Where were you?” which is the same thing Dean says to Cas in “The Man Who Would Be King” (6x20)

When asking Dean whether he’s in love with Cassie, Dean gives a similar response to what he will say in 10x5 when asked about Destiel.

Destiel is paralleled with their counterparts from the Supernatural play who are “a couple in real life” (10x5)

Cain compares himself to Dean in Season 10. He describes the significant kills of his life (The Knights of Hell, his wife Collette, and his brother Abel) and tells Dean that he will follow his same pattern by killing the King of Hell Crowley, Castiel, then Sam. It is also mentioned that all Collette asked of Cain was “to stop,” which is the same language Cas uses with Dean in 10x22.

Dean explains how his parents fell in love to prove his identity to Mary in 12x1, “He was cute and he knew the words to every Zeppelin song, so when he asked you for your number, you gave it to him, even though you knew your dad would be pissed.” Later in this same season (12x19), Dean gives Cas a homemade mixtape of his favorite Zeppelin songs.

Ishim fell in love with a human named Lily Sunder who ultimately left him for someone else. When trying to recruit Castiel, he compares Dean to her.

Dean questions how much of their life has been controlled by God. Cas states, “You asked, ‘What about all of this is real?’ We are.” (15x02) Later, they find out that God has been using Eileen to spy on the Winchesters. She says, “After what happened, I don’t know what’s real anymore.” Sam kisses her, stating “I know that was real.” (15x09)

PART 2 “Physical Touch” Now Finished

#destiel #destiel fanfic #destiel is canon

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crybabyddl · 4 years ago

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I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE TO REITERATE SOMETHING

Yes, let’s circle back to the beautiful performance of Edge of Great. More specifically the BODY LANGUAGE, particularly Julie and Luke’s, which I will be analyzing with gifs.

Exhibit A

Jealous Luke looks over at Julie and Reggie vibing

Julie is aware that she’s avoiding Luke, which she is doing so bc she realized her feelings for him thanks to Flynn earlier in the episode.

Since Julie has put the task of ignoring Luke upon herself even though she has no obligation to, she ends up failing her own mission. She sees Luke’s reaction to the lack of her attention.

She literally FREEZES. She’s emotionally worried to confront what she’s feeling and it’s beginning to manifest physically.

Exhibit B

It gets better y’all. After Luke finally has even a crumb of Julie’s attention, he beckons her over with his signature head tilt. This is important bc he did this with his longtime bandmate during the soundcheck of what would’ve been their biggest performance. If he feels comfortable enough using that body language with a girl he’s only known for, what, a week and a half(?) then you know this puppy boy’s got it BAD.

Julie is well aware that Luke is getting jealous. But in classic Julie fashion, she will try to tune it out instead of addressing it. Our wicked beauty doesn’t like confrontation and would rather just deny and avoid than potentially make things awkward, especially when she knows Luke would ask her about it at a later time.

The look on Julie’s face. Her eyes widen and the classic tight-lipped awkward smile is present. She’s literally saying “ok enough of that let’s get back to work doo doo doo” with her face. The way her body SWINGS back into performance mode as she faces the audience again. It may have been a split second, but when you’re deliberately trying to avoid looking into the dreamy (dead) eyes of someone you shouldn’t be crushing on, any amount of time feels too long. Plus, she knows Flynn is watching and doesn’t want her to lecture her (but she does anyway bc Flynn is observant and knows her bestie too well to let any action slip past her).

Exhibit C

Keep in mind; NONE OF THE GUYS KNOW WHY JULIE IS AVOIDING LUKE. Flynn, Alex, and Reggie have noticed the Juke chemistry, but it’s still too soon for them to get past the “we like each other but we’re too clueless to notice that we reciprocate” phase, so even though their respective besties know, they are still denying. Besides, Reg, Alex, and Flynn know better than to keep pestering if they want to keep their kneecaps. In reality they’re both smart enough to tell by this point, but for the sake of the plot and to make everything more adorably frustrating, Flynn has the collective brain cell under lock and key, leaving Juke to be like *dog tilting its head and making that “a-roo?” noise*

Anyway, Reggie notices Luke being snubbed after realizing that his extra dose of Julie time was slightly out of the ordinary. Luke is clearly concerned (look at his eyebrows and how his eyes travel from Reggie, to Julie, then to the audience to trying and get his mind off it and bring his focus back to the main goal; the performance.) If he can’t have the moment of connection with Julie that he so desperately craves, he’s gonna fill that void as best he can by connecting with the audience. >:’)

But Reggie’s trying to help Luke brush it off by conveying his reaction as ‘look at julie coming into her own! i told you she was a star! and you thought you were the lead singer? think again buddy this girl’s got you beat!’

But since Reggie isnt a master at hiding his feelings yet, especially around Luke, —who was able to get under his skin earlier (“girls, am i right?”)—Luke was easily able to see through that and interpreted what Reggie was saying as “look at julie go, she all in the zone. you’re literally making heart eyes at her get a grip you’re slacking lmao” (hence luke’s right eyebrow quirking at reggie like ‘dude seriously gimme a break u know i need attention like tinkerbell’) even though Reggie’s true message was a bit less harsh and more lovingly teasing, but it’s Luke, he sees things through his eyes and at his intensity, regardless of who it’s coming from. (This is one of the reasons why Luke comes off as selfish at times.)

Exhibit D

Poor Lukey boi can’t seem to catch a break today! Not only does Julie ignore him, then has a cute lil (platonic but it’s luke so it still makes him jealous >:P) moment, but now she has the AUDACITY to interact with Alex? The guy who was out learning Ghost 101 with this Willie guy instead of rehearsing with the band? What gives?! What’s he got that your moody ghost bf doesn’t? >:’(

He literally just watches, and even glances back in a way that, to me, screams ‘did i see that right? did i just see what i just saw with my own dreamy (but dead) eyes? say sike rn.’ \_(*_*)_/

Meanwhile, Alex pays no mind. I like to think that Alex is fully aware that Luke is an angry boy rn, but has learned to ignore it, especially this bc literally NOTHING happened. Either that or Alex has no clue and just truly thinks nothing of it and is having too much fun to think about Luke’s moody and childish behavior. Either way, Alex is just straight chilling and we love to see it *^_^*

Notice how Reggie is right there vibing with Julie and Alex. Luke feels a bit betrayed like ‘not you too! i know you were the first to turn on me but i figured since you’re such a golden retriever you’d be loyal and come back to my side!😠🥲’

Also; Luke approaches the rest of the group, wanting to be included in at least SOME of the vibing, but when Julie starts dancing and smiling with her buddy Alex, he backs up like

“you know what? nope. nevermind. not doin’ it.”

and the group’s like “i mean hey it’s your loss, but luke we want you to-”

“no, bc you chose to piss me off right in front of my face so no luke time for any of you! no cuddles, no hugs, no nothing! you made your bed, now lie in it and perish.”

Exhibit E & F: This is where it gets a bit interesting and theorized hehe...

Now we all know that this moment is just fucking ICONIC

WEOWH NEOW NEOW!!! WEOW NEHR NEHR NER-NER-NER NEHR NEHR NEOWHR!!! (wer nehr-nehr-ner-ner-nehr-nehr!!) WUEHNER-NEUHNER-NEHR-NEEOW-NEOWH! DLOOLOODDUH-DOODLAH-HOOBLUEH-NEOWHR-NEUEHR-NEEEEEEUOWRH!!!!

But hear me out– HEAR ME OUT!

What if... now don’t shoot the messenger who just so happens to also be the theorist... but what if...

WHAT IF!!! Luke didn’t!! plan this?!!!

Listen i know you’re probably thinking:

“Well uh Nicole, isn’t that kinda the whole point? It literally wasn’t planned until Charlie realized Madi was gonna be standing on the piano so he suggested the idea for the guitar solo to Kenny.”

And you’re right! But here’s the kicker:

What if Luke THE CHARACTER, just decided to do this as an “Alright that’s it! You wanna be like that? Well what if I just hit you with my super awesome radical totally cool wowza guitar skills & make a moment between us? Huh? What do you think about that? Hmm? HMMM???!!!”

He licks his lips & that to me read** like he was nervous (**read rhyming with bed just to clarify) so that means it could’ve been a spontaneous, spur-of-the-moment thing.

In the second gif, you can see that Julie’s head is tilted, as if she’s a bit confused, but she’s also delightfully surprised.

Julie is quick to smile and scrunch her nose at Luke, something she does often. It tells Luke his impulsive action garnered a positive response from his favorite girl. Julie also starts to shake her head, but doesn’t go through the motion in full, which means she’s still a bit nervous to let her guard down. This is probably because she doesn’t know what he’s thinking or what he will do next. The lopsided smile mixed with the suave, gliding steps towards her probably brought her back to her daydream lol.

Luke’s happy bc Julie’s no longer ignoring him. He smiles like a GOOBER bc this chump is simping HARD for our Julie. So cute! :’)

Exhibit G

And hear me when I offer this:

What if Luke poofed the guys out???

I know, I know. It’s a bold claim to make. But the boys are special, considering they are a threat to Caleb (3 gay-variant himbos vs. a gay magician that could’ve been on broadway but decided to make some sort of deal with a devil so he just entertains capitalists who most likely sold their souls to get into the hgc which i will probably elaborate on in a future theory so dont do that bc im gonna lmao idc we all have big brains) So it’s not too crazy to think that they could share some ghost powers.

We know Caleb transported the guys during You Got Nothing to Lose. And the guys have left a place at the exact same time on more than one occasion.

And you may be thinking “well what if the guys poofed out to give juke a moment alone together?” And to that I say...

Look at Reggie. He isn’t looking back at Alex like “dude let’s give them some space.”

The timing of him turning around, at least to me, makes me think Reggie was surprised by Luke approaching the piano. (But also he lowkey was waiting for Luke to prove him wrong by doing something to get Julie’s attention so Reggie isn’t mad. Neither is Alex but he doesn’t like being told how or WHEN to ghost) Luke doesn’t even give his bandmates a warning eyebrow quirk, a hand signal, nothing. Reggie turns to Alex like ‘dude what is he DOING?’ And before he can even really convey that, they go *POOF*

This man had a plan and he was gonna do it, so he did. Whether it’s the power of love, they stopped performing, or Reggie and Alex actually poofed out, the odds worked in Luke’s favor so he and Julie could have a super special moment, a moment special enough to make an actual living person (Nick) wonder if a “hologram” has a better chance at connecting with Julie than he does.

Again, regardless of who made them poof or how they poofed, they mf poofed so Luke’s a happy hamster. (Idk it just sounded fitting instead of happy camper lol wait what if someone had 3 pet hamsters and named them alex reggie and luke🥺 someone buy some hamsters and let me be their godmother or their aunt and i’ll love them from afar.) Anyway, Luke’s thriving, flourishing, his crops are going to grow in time for the harvest.

You can see Julie lean back as she turns to see Luke. It’s... almost as if... She. Wasn’t. Expecting. Him. To. Be. There..??

Honey badger Luke bc he DGAF <|:) Bitch, it’s Luke mf Patterson and he’s gonna,, GET! IN! YOUR! FAAAACE!!!

You CANNOT tell me he’s not doing the absolute MOST to try and seduce Miss Juliana Mariposa Rose Molina.

Yes I’m making a headcanon that Julie has TWO middle names and that one of them is the spanish word for butterfly and that the other is her mother’s name. Also yes, I believe (i believe that we’re just one dream away from who we’re– oh, that’s not what we’re doing? okay, sorry!) that Juliana is Julie’s full name.

In this house we love and respect Juliana Mariposa (Dahlia)** Rose Molina

**I’m just putting Dahlia there for fun bc I can. :) Whether I’d consider it a possible middle name of hers depends. Anyway I just thought it was a cute thing to add bc it goes along with the other middle names I gave her *^_^* Also, I feel like I made a post giving a bunch of the characters middle names lemme see if I can find it later)

Ok i’m done this took me basically all day from like 10am until 4:08. I obviously took breaks in between, but not long ones...😶

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ernmark · 3 years ago

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One Possible Read of The Green Knight

I say one possible, because this is the story as I understood it as I was watching the film. When I mentioned it to my partner, he didn't take that away. I'm not saying my take on it is right or wrong (I think it's hard to say that about most reads for a movie like this), but I submit it for your consideration.

(Spoilers and a fairly thorough plot summary under the cut)

(Holy moly this got long)

A brief caveat:

Caveat the First: I'm basing this off a pre-existing understanding of medieval stories, which don't necessarily follow the same narrative structures as modern ones. The world they lived in was weird, so sometimes weird shit just happened for no reason, often very conveniently. (If anything, I think this movie did less of that than existed in typical medieval stories.) They also heavily relied on archetypes rather than distinct characters with backstories, as well as a pre-established understanding of the story you're listening to. Like the puppet show that shows up in the story, the kids in the audience had already heard the story enough times that they could follow it without any actual words. On that note, I've also read a version of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight.

Caveat the Second: I immediately distrust anybody who talks about any story older than three centuries or so having an "original" version. There are some stories that have distinct authors, but often these stories were retold and rewritten to suit the tastes of their latest audience. So I refer to the version I read, not "the original". I take my reading of that story into my interpretation of what I saw. I'll note the details from the version I read where it's relevant.

The Story

We start with Gawain, King Arthur's nephew, waking up in a brothel with his sex worker lady friend. She sends him on his way back home to Camelot where his mother greets him and kindly asks him where he's been all night. Oh, off at Christmas Mass, naturally, is what he tells her. She counters that clearly he's been drinking all the communion wine, because she can smell it on his breath.

She tells him she's not feeling well, so he should go to the Christmas celebration without her and tell her all about it afterward.

[I don't recall hearing her name in the movie, but in the version I read, the Green Knight is sent by Morgana. Between his mother being described in dialogue as Arthur's sister and a known witch, I'm gonna run with that assumption and call her that.]

This is where my reading diverges: I take all of this as being almost entirely Morgana's story. And from her perspective, it's kind of hilarious. Because this isn't the story of Gawain's journey into Manhood, but of a very frustrated mother's attempts to save her beloved (if disappointing) son.

While Gawain is partying with the sickly King Arthur and the knights of the Round Table, Morgana joins three of her fellow witches and they enact a spell, summoning the Green Knight and a very specifically worded challenge. The Green Knight presents a game: any one person in attendance may injure him and get his badass axe as a prize, but in a year exactly he'll have to go to the Green Knight's chapel and allow the Green Knight to return the exact same blow to him.

Arthur says he wants to do it, but acknowledges he's too sickly to do so. Gawain, already embarrassed once at this party, jumps up and volunteers to be his champion. And when he steps into the ring with the Green Knight, he cuts off his opponent's head. He'd think that was the end of it, but the Green Knight just picks up his severed head, reminds him of the deal to bring the axe back and let himself get beheaded in a year, and leaves.

[In the version I read, this was a ploy on Morgana's part just to freak out Guinevere. Seriously, that was the entirety of it. Just fucking with her rival/sister-in-law.]

In the movie, I got the vibe that Gawain was never meant to be in the line of fire. I suspect that either Arthur or one of his knights was meant to be the Green Knight's opponent, who would die after a year to get his affairs in order. Given that Gawain was Arthur's next-of-kin, that would have given him plenty of time to pass the crown to Morgana's beloved son. Unfortunately, Gawain stepping up messed up her whole plan.

During the intervening year, we see Morgana and the other witches working together to weave the Girdle of Invulnerability. As the name suggests, it's laden with magic to protect him from all harm and all blows from anyone. So long as he wears it, she explains, he'll make it home in one piece.

[In the version I read, the girdle is given to him by another woman later on at a weirdly convenient time. More on that later.]

Gawain barely makes it out when he asks directions from a young man looting the corpses on a recent battlefield. Being the idiot that he is, Gawain takes the young man's directions straight into a trap, where the young man and several other bandits are lying in wait. Despite his mother's assurances that he's invulnerable, he stands down immediately, allowing the bandits to take the Green Knight's axe, his Magic Girdle, all his money, all his supplies, etc.

During all this, three things happen: first, we see A Fox. Second, when the bandit takes the axe he goes all weird and runs off on the horse, forcing the other bandits to chase after him and leaving Gawain unobserved. Third, we get a weird vision of the future where Gawain remains where he is, tied up, until he rots away and he's left nothing but a skeleton.

My read is that The Fox is either Morgana or one of the other witches shapeshifted to keep an eye on him (alternatively, the fox is Reynard or a similar magical creature employed by them for the same purpose.) The Fox then enchants the bandit into running off with the Girdle and the Axe, leaving Gawain relatively safe. And when he fails to do anything with this spectacular opportunity, the Fox gives him the vision of what's gonna happen to him if he just waits around to be rescued.

Prompted to action, Gawain manages to free himself and continues his quest on foot. Eventually he comes across an abandoned manor. Inside, he meets a ghost who asks him to retrieve her severed head, which was thrown into the nearby spring. After some hemming and hawing, he does. When he returns to the surface with the woman's skull, the ghost is gone, but the Fox is watching him.

My take is that the ghost disappeared. They do that. The Fox, being sent to watch him, saw him actually step up and do a brave and selfless thing for once. This is what cements to the Fox that Gawain isn't a perennial fuckup, he's able to grow and mature if he's given the chance.

Gawain returns the skull to the rest of the ghost's skeleton, and he's rewarded by regaining his lost axe. (The axe placed there by the Fox, who took it from the enchanted bandit.)

So this is great, right? Gawain's fuck-upery has been cured and he's doing the responsible thing. Yay, right?

Except he's a fuckup who spends more time drinking and hanging out in brothels than doing Knightly stuff, so he doesn't know basics. Like how to start a fire or get food. Offscreen, Morgana must have been bashing her head into a wall, because her beloved son is going to get himself killed.

The Fox appears to him, and after his initial attempt to drive it off, Gawain lets it stay with him. From this point forward it stays by his side, not-so-subtly giving him directions and keeping him generally safe.

Later we meet some giants, because sometimes there are just giants. We don't question these things in Arthurian fantasy. Gawain asks them to give him a ride to his destination, but when one agrees to help him, he freaks out at the last second and refuses. The Fox speaks to the giant, quite possibly apologizing for its very rude human friend, and the giants go on their way without him.

Gawain is most of the way there by now, but it's late December in Wales, he's super cold and hasn't eaten anything but trippy mushrooms, he can't build a fire, he's been walking for days. He collapses, but the Fox urges him to go a little further and leads him to another manor house. Fortunately for him, this manor has living people in it, who clean him up, put him in a warm bed, and give him food.

We get a dreamy scene where he's being tended by his mother before he wakes up in the care of the manor. My read on it was that this manor and the people in it were sent directly by Morgana to save him. I don't think the manor was even there ten seconds before he collapsed the first time. Because Morgana loves her son, but he is REALLY bad at this.

Notably, it seems that the only people here are the Lord and Lady of the manor, as well as a blind old woman who seems to be the lady's maidservant and/or mother? Hard to tell.

Some flirting happens between Gawain and the Lord and Lady. The Lord of the manor explains that conveniently, Gawain's destination is only one day's walk away and he's several days early, so why not take some time to rest and gather his strength. The Lady shows off her library and her fancy daguerreotype-like mechanism, etc. The Lord suggests another game (mirroring the game presented by the Green Knight) : the Lord will go hunting the next day and give Gawain whatever he catches. Gawain will in return give the Lord whatever he gains throughout the day.

[In the version I read, this happens over the course of three days. Each day the Lord leaves, the Lady tries to seduce Gawain but he refuses, only accepting a kiss from her on the first two days; when the Lord returns with a hunted animal each day, Gawain gives him the kiss that the Lady gave him. On the third day, the Lady also gives Gawain a previously-unmentioned enchanted Girdle of Invincibility, which he neglects to pass along to the Lord, opting just to kiss him instead.]

In the movie, this is condensed into only one day. Gawain wakes up with the Lady creepily watching him sleep, wearing the Girdle of Invincibility that Morgana made for him. She invites him into bed and offers him the Girdle, reminding him that it can render him invincible. The scene gets a bit weird after that-- sex acts of some sort ensue, and the Lady walks away, leaving Gawain with post-coital shame and the Girdle.

Upset, Gawain grabs his stuff and makes to leave. Along the way he runs into the Lord in the middle of his hunt, and he declares that he's going to meet the Green Knight a day early. Citing their game, the Lord presents Gawain with The Fox (who is alive despite having been caught by a hunter, hmmm) and requests Gawain's "winnings" in return-- which he claims by stealing a kiss. I dunno about you, but it seemed to me that Gawain was Into It, at least before he remembers to be freaked out and runs off.

He's nearly at the place where he's to meet the Green Knight when the fox stops him. Now it starts talking, its voice shifting from masculine to feminine. It tells him that he's done a great job, and he can turn back right now and go home and nobody will know but the two of them. He doesn't have to go through with this. But Gawain, determined to fulfil his quest, drives the Fox off once again and goes the last bit alone.

Here he meets the Green Knight in the ruins of an old chapel, though because he's early the Green Knight is little more than a statue, awake but unmoving until the appointed Christmas Day. All the while Gawain just has to sit there and stew in the knowledge that he's gonna die. Finally the Green Knight stirs, asks Gawain if he's ready to die, and readies the axe that Gawain returned to him.

Throughout this, the light hits the Green Knight differently, making him look an awful lot like the Lord of the manor. After Gawain flinches away from the axe the first time, he speaks gently to him, almost tenderly.

[In the version I read, the Green Knight and the Lord of the manor are the same person, and the Lord/Knight is aware of Gawain's magic Girdle, because this was all an elaborate ruse. Because of Gawain's invincibility, the Green Knight only scratches his neck, permanently scarring him as punishment for lying about it and cheating in both their games, but doesn't hold it against him. Gawain then returns to Camelot and they keep the Girdle at the round table as a symbol that all of them have their failings.]

In the movie, Gawain flinches one more time. We then get a second very lengthy vision of an alternate future: Gawain flees the Green Knight and returns home, where he's welcomed back without external consequences. However, he's haunted by his own cowardice, giving up a difficult love in favor of living up to expectation, only to lose everything in the end anyway. His life following the cowardly route was longer, but it wasn't a better life.

He stops the Green Knight one last time, only to remove the Girdle and set it aside before declaring himself ready. The Green Knight is genuinely pleased by this, and he leans in and simply traces a finger over Gawain's throat, before happily saying. "Off with your head."

The movie ends there. Whether the Green Knight leaves him alive or kills him is up for interpretation. But even if the Green Knight wasn't on Morgana's payroll, I feel like he's way too fond of Gawain to do him real harm at this point.

And so Gawain has grown up-- he's brave, he's honorable, he's learned to keep his word and face the consequences of his actions. And Morgana, after some major struggles and a lot of called-in favors, has managed to keep her son from dying on his quest. Victory all around.

There's also an after-credits scene: just a little girl playing with Arthur/Gawain's crown. Notably, this little girl is neither of the children Gawain had in his vision of the cowardly future, so I interpreted it as a new future with a new child with potential all their own.

But that's just my take.

#gawain and the green knight #the green knight #arthuriana

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shinyfire-0 · 3 years ago

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Bright Star - a little review

I have watched Bright Star a couple of times recently. I very rarely watch films more than once but I couldn’t stop thinking about this one so it deserved another viewing. And I deserved to watch it again. There are lots of things I love about this film and not merely because my latest fancy-man is in it. It tells the story of Fanny Brawne and her passionate relationship with the poet John Keats, who considered her to be his muse.

I had a boyfriend when I was about fifteen or sixteen years old. This was just before the internet and so we wrote to each other several times a week, passionately, compulsively, on thin airmail paper that crunched, similar to the paper they use in the film. The letters I sent and received were not of the quality that Fanny and John Keats exchanged but I treasured them. They had been physically present in the hands of the boyfriend (my beloved), and in some way they still contained his presence. Sending each other letters is a way of sharing a thing, a reality, even though we are separated. I thought the film explored this beautifully; Fanny loves the letters she receives from Keats - she smells them and seems to revel in their physicality, as if they are the next best thing to him, the way a physical thing can be used to convey a sentiment. I miss letters; I think they are little personal works of art, the writing, the thoughts and emotions that are expressed in them. But perhaps it would be going too far to call the letters my boyfriend and I wrote to each other ‘art’, as they were often so full of diagrams and pictures of the saucy variety.

I enjoyed the fact that it is so recognisably English; the bluebell woods, the rolling hills, the orchards. Even the light, and the way it falls through the windows that were often veiled with gauze, gives a romantic, dreamy, English look to the film.

The costumes actually look like they were handmade, as they would have been; there was a sense that someone cared for these clothes, that they were treasured and wanted and mended over time as they wore out or a child grew. And they're all so quirky, especially Fanny's clothes, you really get the sense that she herself had designed them and carefully made them. Her little sister, Toots, often wears dresses of the same material as Fanny’s, as if they'd gone to the haberdasher’s shop and bought a big length of material, and everyone got something made from the same stuff.

The way in which the characters use the everyday things in their lives - the glasses, the linens, the setting of the table, the flowers on the tea-tray from the garden, the preparation of the food, the writing of the letters, the poems - all seemed very naturalistic, as if those things had a long history and were well loved and used. The actors seem to have a familiarity with these items giving a feeling of a specific time and place, as if we are watching recognisably real people go about their daily lives.

The script is beautiful and again expresses a sense of naturalness; he forgets his poem, Fanny’s mother is wordlessly irritated by her and abrupt. And they quote his poems at each other. (What could be more romantic than saying a romantic poem out loud to the romantic poet who wrote it? Romantic or excruciating? In this film, it’s gorgeous.) He tells her about his dream of kissing a beautiful but mysterious woman, and she knows it is about her and so they fall into kiss, and it’s a moment of beauty and revelation.

There is much visual poetry in the film. Butterflies are used to express Fanny’s mental state. Keats climbs to the top of a tree, both an expression of his dream but also show his heightened emotional state.

The story told from Fanny’s perspective. We only see Keats when she is present or about to be present, allowing the audience (me) to share in her sense of yearning when he goes away. I was interested in the helplessness and lack of agency that Fanny experiences, despite her intelligence and skill and wit, in the face of society; primarily her mother’s fear of the scandalous gossip her relationship with Keats inspires, and her powerlessness after Keats’ friends decide that he is going to Italy to recover. Those around Fanny are not openly cruel or unkind when they point out that she can never marry Keats because of his poverty, but ultimately there is a deep cruelty here because their love cannot transcend the chains of social expectation and the need for money. Both Fanny and Keats’ noisy friend Brown share in their failure to keep him, to love him completely.

Also: the music is lovely and forms a part of the texture of the story being told rather than being external to the events of the film. And I do like Ben Whishaw.

#bright star #abbie cornish #ben whishaw #jane campion #john keats #period drama #i have never written a review of anything before now

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ohheyitsokay · 3 years ago

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Oooooooooo I'm excited! I love a good soulmate AU and I love your writing!!! Here's what I'm feeling - choose your own adventure.

-The first time you touch your soulmate, you have to relive both the best and worst day of their life with Ezra

-Soulmates are rare/special with Ezra

-Marcus Moreno and sharing a heartbeat

❤❤❤❤❤

V, absolute light of my life, you're really going to give me 3 great ideas and expect me to choose just 1? Cruel

Thank you, really, and I hope you enjoy!! (And thank you for your patience!)

wordcount: 1.4k

warnings: mentions of trauma and violence (Ezra's arm, it's a rough life okay?), a little yearning, mostly massive quantities of fluff.

Once, when he was on one of the more populated planets, Erza had seen an ad for a game wealthy children played on their monitors. There was a flash of a scene where he could see a man-like creature displaying tools and resources and gems for the hero, and he'd been dumbfounded. When he had expressed his bewilderment to his companion at the time, they had been mockingly amused. They told him that it was a side character’s job to bend down and peddle away the best of their lives to the hero for cheap return, to further the good of a greater, more interesting life.

Ezra had scoffed and scowled and swallowed hard before pushing the concept to the back of his mind. Because in truth, when he was young, he had always fancied himself the hero of his story, one of the few adventurers who still saw beauty and excitement in the gathering and the travel. His upbringing was mediocre at best, but he knew he was skilled on a number of fronts, and that alone should have set him up for grandness. Maybe his sense of justice was balanced out by his need of survival, but with his flare for drama, he hoped at least he would be one of the few the universe would bless with a soulmate. It just felt right, like a bird singing from the a branch at the top of a tree or a flower that bloomed without puffing poison into the atmosphere - beautiful.

He would dream of who you would be, how you’d find each other and he spent extra hours prospecting, hoping to save up to give you the life you'd surely deserve.

That was years ago.

He wasn’t sure at which point he became a side character in his own life, but it certainly happened at some point. Exciting things in his life always seemed to be more on the unfortunate end of the spectrum, rather than the heroic and fantastical. Cee was a main character, he thought, she certainly had as much adventure as he did, the little spitfire, and still had both arms and her youth, to boot. But him? Ezra? Not so much.

Maybe he could've been content with it, happy to live and even thrive, at times, if it weren’t for you.

Because stars, moon, and heavens above, you were beautiful.

The first time he'd seen you his mind had only supplied a single word: enchanting. Which was strange because he could barely see your form through the lumpy suit you wore, and the glass over your head was smudged with mud. Actually, all of you was smudged with mud. And you were pointing a thrower at his head.

But still, you were enchanting.

Ezra could help himself - he told you so, wondering if it would be his last gift before you took your shot. He thanked the stars Cee was off on her next chapter, because your clear, beautiful eyes might be the last thing he ever saw.

Instead, you had laughed, and his heart sung. Old books described the laugh of heroines like bells or music but yours was hearty and rich and genuine and it made him want to whisk you away to a safe, dreamy planet. Your thrower lowered and beyond all his reasoning you decided to trust him.

Traveling with you was like a dream. Plenty of things went wrong, as they always did, but you worked well together, playing off each other like you actually cared about him, which was new. And you let him talk, more often than not, and would even talk with him, sharing stories of your own and stringing words together in ways he'd never thought of. He adored it, adored you, and made it his mission to stay by you as long as you’d let him. It wasn’t an easy task, especially on so hostile a planet, but quite worth the effort.

The sound of you alone could keep him going for days, the tilt of your smile when he'd been particularly clever at least a few weeks. Ezra liked your brain, the thoughtfulness of your conversation, and the way your mouth formed the words he so cherished. Maybe the universe didn’t give him a soulmate, and maybe he couldn’t really do heroic things for you, but when your eyes were on him, did he want to.

So his personal mission became being the most outstanding partner you’d ever had, like a knight slaying dragons, he wanted to show you he was worthy of your hand. It was crucial to make his intentions clear - it wasn't about confidence or carnal needs, although both were present, he wanted you to know how seriously he considered the gift of you in his once work-a-day life. This was achieved, or at least attempted through filling the lulls with declarations of your beauty. What more romantic way to show you how magical he thought you were, than to compare the hue of your cheeks to foliage and the depths of your eyes to precious gems?

He didn't mind that you called him a liar, at first, he was used to that. But when he filed through the piles of poems in his brain to pick the ones he thought fit you, he didn't like that you brushed them aside. It made him worry, initially that you weren't impressed by him, and then frightened that you actually didn't see how ethereal you were.

When you explained, that it was hard to see when you were decked head to toe in the blandest, most frumpy survival gear, he thought he understood, though he still didn't like it. The conversation did provide a wonderful opportunity for him to press close to you, and tell you sometime he'd just have to see you without it, and enjoy the flush on your face. But it bothered him that you wouldn't just let him adore you.

The mission evolved, which was more work than he'd expected. It was hard, to slow himself down, to keep himself in the balancing act between ‘clearly interested’ and ‘respectfully trustworthy’. Less flowery language, more heartfelt explanations. More acceptance of your expertise, less showing off.

And it paid off, when you finally, finally allowed him to enter your pod, bashful and excited, and allowed him to enter your story, for real.

He all but begged you to help him take off his suit first, so he could behold your unfiltered form, and you obliged, laughing a little at his logic.

When you sloughed off your outer layer for the first time in his presence, he thought he would soak in your form with his eyes for hours. Instead, his body moved of it's own accord, his heart singing again as you reached for him as well. Ezra's hand found your cheek, touching you at long last, and for a moment, he thought he had died.

But no, he was seeing your first day prospecting, feeling your despair as you gasped for breath with a broken filter, and his hand clung to yours, confused, but wanting desperately to save you. The universe was sharing something of yours, with him, and it was strange - overwhelming. Then he was reliving the day Cee cut of his arm and as he turned his head away from the pain, he saw you next to him, tears in your beautiful eyes. You were experiencing his worst, day, as well, and he understood that such a jarringly beautiful phenomena could only mean one thing.

In the present moment, his forehead was pressed against yours, his arm wrapping around your head, holding you to him. Your hands were gripping his wrist, and clinging to his shirt and you were whispering that he was your soulmate and that you knew it. Ezra’s mind was reeling, grasping for his words to respond to you, desperate to tell you more than just yes, yes you were soulmates. Of course you were. He didn't find them, but the universe provided another gift.

The best day of your lives was the same moment, seeing each other caked in mud as you pointed your thrower at him. Eyes holding each others, abruptly, blissfully in love.

Ezra saw in that moment that he was wrong. The best of his life was coming, now, and he need not peddle it away. You were sharing with him a greater and more interesting life.

taglist:

@fangirl-316 @scribbledghost @writeforfandoms @princess76179 @mrsbentallmadge

#soulmate requests #ezra #prospect #ezra x reader #maybe i dont know people #this is the 3rd fic from yesterday i didn't finish quite in time... sorryy

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wincestation · 3 years ago

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Wincest in the Pilot (aka my final paper)

2k of academic rambling. I got plenty of help and inspiration from this post and this blog review. Also huge thanks to @s2e11playthings for helping me find the latter. It is me! Essay-anon came out of the shadows!

The first interaction between the two brothers as adults occurs when Dean sneaks into Sam's apartment in the middle of the night. Sam fights the intruder before the latter pins him to the floor, making him realize it's his brother. The first words Dean tells him after not seeing him for two years are, "Easy, tiger." Dean's hand grabs Sam's neck and he smiles broadly at his little brother. As stated in the subsequent dialogue, the reason Dean appears this way is because he knows Sam would not have answered the phone if he had called. Why? the only reason Dean would call (which is also the reason he showed up) is that something happened to their father. Sam knows this, and maybe he didn't care if something really did happen to John. But what if John was the one who called? Maybe then Sam would answer, because he knows that this phone call has a different meaning: something happened to Dean.

Sam and Dean step outside to talk. Sam initially refuses to come with his brother, saying he is done with hunting, with the life that Dean and their father lead. Dean mocks Sam's aspiration for a normal life, perhaps as part of an attempt to persuade Sam to come with him, and return to the life they always shared together. After an argument between the two, involving emotional manipulations on both sides ("It wasn't easy, but it wasn't so bad", Dean dismisses Sam's words; "Do you think Mom would've wanted this for us?" Sam touches on a sensitive point), Dean understands that his brother is not about to give up, and finally reveals the real reason for his arrival:

Dean: I can't do this alone.

Sam: Yes, you can.

Dean: Well, I don't want to.

Dean completely contradicts everything he had said up to this point. In this sentence he expresses an emotional need for Sam, not a practical need. He could have sought out their father alone but chose not to; Maybe he saw the danger to his father's life as a good enough reason for Sam to come back to their lives again. Sam can not remain indifferent to this emotional vulnerability, and agrees to come with him - not because he cares what happens to their father, but because he too, like Dean, needs his brother and does not want to say goodbye to him again.

Sam agrees on one condition: he has an interview on Monday and he must get back on time. Dean agrees. Sam could have offered Dean to sleep on the couch and drive in the morning, or even go after the interview. But he does none of these things, and travels with him at that moment, in the middle of the night, without providing explanations to his girlfriend and without even kissing her goodbye. "At least tell me where you're going?" She calls after him as he leaves, with no answer. This urgency can be interpreted as a concern for the safety of Winchester Sr. but given the relationship between him and Sam, this is probably not the case. Why then is Sam in such a hurry to abandon the life he, allegedly, wants so much? In light of the dialogue between the two brothers the answer seems simple. He missed his brother, and now that he knows this feeling is mutual, he feels he has a good enough reason to leave the "normal" life behind - even if only for one weekend. This confirmation is the real reason he's arguing with his brother. The dialogue between them, according to this interpretation, is full of subtext:

Dean: I will not go until you come with me, or kick me out of your life forever.

Sam: If you want me to come, you need to tell me what I need to hear.

Dean: Don't make me say it out loud.

The two set out to find their father. After research, Sam and Dean discover that the monster of the week is a "woman in white" - a ghost that kills unfaithful men. Later in the episode, the ghost tries to attack Sam, who tells her she can't hurt him, because "I'm not unfaithful, I never was." She replies, "You will be." The hegemonic interpretation, presumably meant by the creators of the series, is that Sam is about to cheat on Jessica with the murderous ghost (with or without his consent). But Sam being targeted can be interpreted in another way. Is he going to betray his girlfriend by wanting to return to the life he shared with Dean and their father? Or even, can it be said that he did not betray her, but his brother, by leaving the family and trying to live a "normal" life with a woman?

The scene on the bridge, in which another confrontation takes place between Sam and Dean, can also be interpreted in two ways. Sam says, half in mockery and half in pity, "Mom is dead, and nothing will bring her back." Dean, in a fit of rage, grabs his brother and slams him at one of the bridge poles. "Don't you dare talk about her like that." This is of course one meaning of things. Another meaning could be, "Dean, I moved on, and nothing will bring me back." To this Dean responds in the only way he knows, "don't you dare not give up on me like that." Throughout the episode, and in this scene in particular, Dean repeatedly mocks Sam's choice to leave college - "Do you really think you're going to become a lawyer? Marry your girl?" - And this ridicule can stem from jealousy over the seemingly perfect and normal life that Sam managed to achieve, but at its core is another jealousy: Sam chose this life over a life with him.

The series hit screens in 2005. About two months after the premiere of the first episode, a blog review titled "Supermatural is Supergay" was published. The author described the series as follows:

It’s like the Hardy Boys, only gayer. I love the awkward sexual tension between the brothers. […] So Dean is the super control freak “top”. He has to be driving at all times. […] Sam rides in the passenger seat. He’s the soft spoken bottom boy, always staring out the window in this deep, dreamy state of mind. No idea what the hell he’s thinking about, but I suspect he is wondering where this relationship is going, and if Dean will ever say “I love you”.

Wait a minute… don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about incest here. See, that's the backstory. They are not really brothers. They are secret lovers, hiding their dirty affair. So they pretend to be brothers so nobody questions why they are together 24/7, why they share a bed. […] Throughout the episodes, they give each other hot glances. It’s never part of the dialogue, they just look like they will rip each other’s clothes off at any given moment. […]

UPDATE: On last Tuesday's episode, "Bugs", they were mistaken for a gay couple and then pretended to be a gay couple in the next scene. See, I told you they are gay guys pretending to be brothers. You heard it here first.

Although the writer was wrong in his assumption - Sam and Dean are indeed brothers - he makes a claim that will receive many reinforcements from the fans. There is a certain tension between the two characters, a codependence bordering on desperation that often later in the show will cause them to take extreme steps to keep each other safe. The brothers' love borders on obsession, which caused many fans to agree with the blogger's opinion - just a week after the first episode was aired, the first online community dedicated to the romantic relationship between the two brothers already opened (sn_slash, or Supernatural Slash, "for all your brotherly needs"). It is difficult to say whether the homoerotic clues came from the creators and were picked up by the audience, or whether the audience interpreted the show as he wished and the creators decided to satisfy their desires, but throughout the series there is recognition of the two's special relationship: In "Bugs" [1x08], everyone is convinced they are a couple and they continue the pretense; In later seasons, the brothers discover that books are being written about their lives, and that many fans of these books are convinced they are a couple (in "The Real Ghostbusters" [5x09] in the Supernatural convention, there is a panel called "The Homoerotic Undertones in Supernatural"); And many of the characters in the series, even those who know about the two being brothers, describe their relationship as one of codependence, blind and absolute love, for which they often sacrifice the entire world ("Sam and Dean Winchester are psychotically, irrationally, erotically codependent on each other", [5x19] "The point of no return").

Did the creators not understand that this is the message they are transmitting? It is hard to believe that they were unanimous on the subject, especially in light of all the reflexive references they themselves have planted in the show. If so, what could be their reason for engaging in a relationship that is fundamentally unnatural, perverse and forbidden, socially and often legally? This can be explained with the help of another issue - that of the exclusion of LGBTQ+ relationships from the public sphere and the lack of legitimacy for their visibility. Supernatural hit the screens in 2005, a time that may not seem so long ago, but its gay visibility is still lacking, and in which there was still no legitimacy to present a proud couple in popular culture. Maybe, as the blogger suggested in his review, the creators genuinely wanted to create a series that would center around love between two men, but felt that the world was not ready to see that content explicitly. After all, it was only a few decades ago that homosexuality was also perceived as unnatural, perverse and forbidden. Maybe acknowledging that, the creators chose to turn Sam and Dean into brothers, as if to reassure the conservatives: of course they are not just two men who are together at any given moment, staring at each other longingly and willing to sacrifice the whole world just so they won't be left without each other. That could be interpreted as homosexuality - and beyond the harsh criticism, such TV series simply wouldn't survive (or at least, that is how the creators may have felt at the time). And if some of the fans understood the true meaning in which the creators wanted engage, well, that was not in their hands.

To sum up, it is difficult to argue that this relationship is characterized as purely platonic. Even if the creators did not intend to create such an impression already in the first episode, they were aware of this impression and included explicit references to this unusual relationship. Although only an analysis of the first episode was conducted here, throughout the entire series there are unequivocal statements that support this assumption (some of which I mentioned above, but most of which have been omitted). And perhaps there is no need for many words beyond those uttered by the brothers themselves, for the first time in the pilot, and for the last time in the finale ("Carry on" [15x20]), before they said goodbye to each other for the last time: "I can't do this alone. I don't want to."

#wincest #meta #sam x dean #pilot #i wish all my school papers could be about wincest #thanks for coming to my ted talk

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forever-rogue · 4 years ago

Text

Afterglow - Part 5

A/N: Thank you guys for the support on the last part, and your mutual hatred of Ch*d. He really is the worst...As always, feedback and comments are welcome, and if you’d like to be tagged, let me know. xx 💕

Pairing: Frankie Morales x Reader

Word Count: 6k

Warnings: None

AFTERGLOW MASTERLIST

MASTERLIST

»»————-　♡　————-««

We’ll always be together.

Everything will work out like it was supposed to.

We’re going to go away to California and we’ll start our new lives there.

Nothing will ever tear us apart.

We’ll get away from this town and they’ll never see us again.

I love you.

“Hello? Hello…” you were barely aware of the hand waving in front of your face as you stared out of the large window, watching the late night traffic of the city. You shook your head as you snapped back into reality and found Chad staring at you with an annoyed expression on his face. You set your fork down and pushed your plate away, having lost your appetite some time ago and growing tired of going through the motions of eating. Chad sighed heavily, grabbing the fine linen napkin off of his lap and tossing onto the table, “what’s going on with you lately, sugar plum?”

“Nothing,” you cringed at the nickname but tried to keep your face a true mask of neutrality as you pushed the memories of your youth with Frankie to the back of your mind. You don’t remember exactly when you’d zoned out during the conversation, but a teenage Frankie, one that had promised you the world as you laid in the back of his old beat up pickup and stargazed had occupied all of your thoughts. You sat back in your chair and sighed, dismissively crossing your arms over your chest, “it’s just been a long day and I’m tired…”

“You seem to be having a lot of days like that lately,” he shrugged with a sour expression as he reached for his glass of wine and drained the rest of the dark red liquid in one go. You didn’t want to fight, not again, as you seemed to be doing every day lately, but you also weren’t about to let yourself get walked all over.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you scoffed at him, flagging down a waiter and silently asking for the check.

“You’ve been spacey, you’re always claiming to be tired, forgetting appointments, and you don’t seem to want to do anything with wedding planning,” he huffed at you. You were willing to coincide that much - he was right on the money. You’d been preoccupied with thoughts of your youth, your past that you’d thought you’d buried well enough, but had let them back in. They had become all consuming...and frankly, planning a wedding you were constantly arguing about wasn’t something that seemed particularly appealing, “what’s going on with you? Are you...are you pregnant?”

You almost spit out the water you had been drinking, your mind quickly running a million miles an hour at the question. You weren’t….surely you weren’t. No, luckily you’d had your period about three weeks prior and it’d been even longer than that since you’d last sex. It wasn’t exactly a thrilling time lately. Just before you could open your mouth to say anything else and reassure him that you most definitely were not pregnant, he blathered on, “you can’t get pregnant before the wedding...you know how bad that would make us look? It’s only two more months, after that we can try and get it out of the way. But not before.”

You snorted, grabbing the little bit of wine you had left over and downed it, to prove your point that you weren’t pregnant. Get it out of the way, you could have laughed at the statement if it hadn’t been so shocking. You never thought you’d have had a child with a man who thought it was just something to get out of the way. Maybe you’d get lucky and never have a child with him...it would spare both of you.

“I’m not pregnant,” you hissed at him, “and don’t worry, at the rate we’re having sex, I’ll never get pregnant anyways.”

“You can’t,” he lowered his voice and looked around to make sure no one had heard him, “you can’t just go around saying things like that!”

“What?” you asked as the waiter came over with the check. You took it and thanked him with a smile as sweet as honey, not even bothering to check the tab as you tossed one of your cards into the sleeve and set it back down. Chad normally always insisted that he pay, stuck in his old school thought process that men should be taking care of their wives and girlfriends, not the other way around, “I shouldn’t be saying the truth?”

“I’m not going to fight about this,” he insisted sharply, his eyes filled with nothing but malice, but his outward expression suggesting he was happy and content, “look, we have a lot to do before the wedding, and after tomorrow I’m going to be gone for three weeks-”

“For work,” you finished forward, trying to read his face to see if you could detect even the slightest flicker that he hadn’t been honest with you. He was a lot of things you weren’t a fan of, but you didn’t think he would ever cheat on you. If nothing else, the fear of getting caught and having his personal life and image blow up in his face was even to deter him.

Sometimes though, as you laid next to him at night, unable to sleep, you wondered if he truly loved you, or he just liked the pretty picture you presented, and the name that you carried. You loved him, truly you had, at one point anyway, but now you were questioning if you still did. Rather, you loved him, and you never would wish him ill, he wasn’t a bad man in that sense, but were you in love with him? That was the question that you had been struggling with. You often wondered if you were just going through the motions to go through them, to mold yourself into the image that everyone had of you. Were you truly happy? You weren’t even sure anymore.

“Yes, for work,” he agreed, keeping his face calm. You often considered yourself a fair judge of character and you didn’t detect anything that suggested he was lying, “and there are a lot of things that need to be done and finalized while I’m gone for the wedding. How can I trust you to do that when you can’t even remember dinner with our families?”

“I’ve got everything in my calendar, with alarms and reminders,” you promised, “it’ll all be taken care of.”

“Including your dress fitting,” he reminded you, “that’s the most important thing. We can’t have you going down the aisle in an ill fitting dress.”

“It will all be done and taken care of,” you promised quietly, “there’s nothing to worry about. Whatever’s going on with me, I’ll pull myself out of it.”

“Good,” he responded, offering you the first smile you had seen that evening, “I just want everything to be perfect on our day.”

“Of course,” you signed the receipt that was dropped off, making sure to leave a generous tip, before sliding your card back in your purse. Chad stood up and waited for you, and the smallest bit of joy that had been sparked always started to disappear already. Autopilot was on and you were once again going through the motions.

»»————-　♡　————-««

“When’s the big day? You are going to make the most stunning bride,” the young girl that was assisting your dressmaker was looking at you with the softest, most awed expression you had ever seen. You couldn’t help but smile at her, remembering that when you were young you had always dreamed of a day like this. You turned back and studied your reflection in the large, golden and gilded mirror, admiring the dress. It was a beautiful gown, made just for you, of course, as no one would ever let you forget if you wore a predesigned stock dress.

“About two months,” you said softly, watching as Imelda, the woman who had dreamed up the dress from scratch after first meeting you, came back with a veil. The veil itself was just as gorgeous as the dress, also created by hand, stitch by grueling stitch. You stepped down from the small pedestal and let her place it on the crown of your head as you blended magnificently with the dress.

“A fall wedding,” she sighed dreamily, “if I ever meet the one and get married, that’s what I’d want too. I think it’s the perfect time of the year, and so romantic.”

“It’s...it’s something,” you found yourself at a loss for words as you turned back to your reflection, finding the look complete with the headpiece. Every single inch was stunning, highlighting all your favorite parts of yourself. It was a dress borne of love, and made you look more like a princess than a woman who wasn’t even sure anymore if she wanted to get married. Every day that had passed since Chad had left for his work trip about two weeks ago had been agonizing as you tried to figure out what you really wanted. Did you really want to get married to him?

“I bet it will be so magical,” the young girl sighed wistfully. It took you back for a moment how much she reminded you of yourself, “how did your fiancé propose? Your ring is gorgeous too. I bet you’re both so beautiful together!”

"He's a very handsome man," you admitted, knowing that most women would fall to their knees for a chance at a man like Chad. He wasn't the type that you had been drawn to when you were younger, but he was still easy on the eyes. He had that soft, typical all American boy sort of look to him, tall, lithe with the blonde hair and blue eyes that women often found so dreamy. It just wasn't...what you had envisioned when you were younger, "and smart, he's an attorney, and just...yeah. A good man."

For the right person he might even have been perfect. You wondered how things would be different if you were the perfect match for him.

"You'll have gorgeous babies," the girl brought forth a tray of jewelry for you to examine and pick through to find the perfect match for your dress. Imelda softly tutted at the girl, suggesting a pair of brilliant diamond earrings for you to try.

"Maybe," you decided to dodge that bullet and grabbed the studs, popping them into your ears to see how they went with the dress and veil.

"But the proposal - what was it like? I bet it was so dreamy..."

"It was simple," you admitted. It was simple compared to others you had witnessed, but still more over the top than you had needed or had desired. He'd waited until you were at an outing that you swore consisted of everyone you had ever known. There was no doubt in your mind that he had done it to make himself look good and show off the huge ring that now sat on your hand. It was almost too big for your taste and you'd often thought about trying to get something more subtle. But you hadn't wanted to argue over it, so you just accepted it, "it was at a dinner with our family and friends. A little lowkey, but he did it over champagne and dessert."

"That's perfect," she sighed wistfully, "I hope that if I ever get engaged, my future girlfriend does something like that, or I can do if for her."

"I hope you too," you promised her with a fond smile, "you deserve the world too and the engagement and wedding you dream of."

"Hopefully I'll look as pretty as you," she smooth parts of your dress down as she looked you over, "hopefully Auntie Imelly will make me a dress just as pretty."

"You already know I've got everything planned for you," Imelda promised her niece, "you just have to wait until you find the perfect girl and the time is right. I want nothing but the best for you, and I won't see settling for just anyone."

"Never," the girl nodded at her aunt.

"But now," she turned back to you and held out a stunning tennis bracelet, "what about you? Do you like everything or should we make any more changes to the veil or dress?"

You took a long while to study the woman staring back at you in the mirror. She was beautiful, that much was easy to see, dressed in the most stunning wedding gown and jewelry. Everything about her was breathing taking, but there wasn't even a trace of a smile on her face, no light or life in her eyes.

"No," you whispered softly, running your fingers gently over the delicate lace of your the veil. You knew it must have taken Imelda hours and hours of hard work and care to make perfect it, "everything is stunning. This is...it's beautiful, every last stitch. Its an honor to be wearing this dress right now."

"Perfect," she beamed at you, "then we'll get it all put and stored safely until your big day. I'll of course bring it to that morning and make sure its perfect for you."

"But I can't...I can't take it," you said and the room grew so quiet you could hear a pin drop, "I can't accept this beautiful dress, this veil, any of it."

"What do you mean? I created this just for you..."

"I know," you said as you stated to peel off the jewelry and placed it show back in the soft, velvet case, "and I will pay you double what you originally quoted for it. I want you to keep it and give it to someone you deem worthy. Someone that desires to wear something so beautiful, someone that is marrying the love of their lives. I'll even pay for any future alterations, but I can't...I can't do this."

"What do you mean?" Imelda's face wen through a range of various emotions as she hastily helped you to pull off the veil.

"I can't get married," you stated, finally saying out loud the words that had been plaguing you for some time now. You couldn't do it. You weren't going to subject yourself to a marriage you didn't want with a man who wasn't the love of your life, "I'm not going through with this. I can't...no. I'll never be happy with if I do."

The young girl brought your clothes back for you as you started to strip off the dress, not caring in the slightest about any propriety anymore.

"Listen, sweet girl," you told her as she pulled the dress off of you, almost buckling under the sheer weight of it until you helped her, "never ever settle for anyone. Wait until the right person comes along...maybe it'll take ages, but you'll be happier. Don't make the mistake I almost did."

You pulled on your jeans and t-shirt, casual clothes that Chad would likely have abhorred, and turned back to Imelda, "I am so, so sorry to do this to you. All the hard work and time..."

"I'm just glad you kept yourself from making a huge mistake," she whispered as she pulled you into a hug, "that's the important thing of all. The dress will find the right home, and one day your heart will as well."

"Thank you," you said softly, feeling the wave of emotions that you'd been suppressing for so long wash over you. For a therapist, one who told her patients to express themselves however they needed to, you'd grown too comfortable with settling and being content, but not truly happy. Something was bound to break at some point and this just happened to be the straw they broke the camel's back.

"Thank you," you brushed away a few tears, finding more comfort in her touch and kind words than you had in anyone else in a long time, "truly, thank you. And please, send me the bill. Whatever you want, I'll pay it."

"Of course," she gently wiped your tears away, her niece giving you a small wave as you turned to leave the shop.

As soon as you stepped foot into the busy street, reality came crashing down on you like a ton of bricks. This was going to change everything, emotions would be all over the place, and dealing with two controlling families would be an ordeal within itself. But regardless, you felt lighter and happier than you had in a long, long time. Nothing else mattered right now. The only thing you were focused on was the little bit of light that had crawled back into your heart. It wasn't an easy decision to make, but you knew it was the best one - the right one. It had been a long, long time since you'd been able to say that about anything...

»»————-　♡　————-««

As soon as you stepped foot into your apartment, you threw off your coat, snatched your phone out of your purse and tossed it onto the floor. Quickly searching for Chad's contact, you paused for just a moment to let out a long breath before dialing his number.

You stormed into the bedroom and ducked into the closet, pulling out a suitcase while you listening and anticipated him picking up any moment. Your heart was beating like mad, threatening to burst out of your ribcage as you hastily tossed whatever clothes you into the large suitcase. It was a haphazard disaster, but you didn't care.

"Hello?" He finally answered after several long rings, sounding somewhere between surprised and annoyed, "what's wrong sugar plum?"

"I'm leaving," you blurted out before you could think about how to word anything or form a coherent sentence.

"What? Leaving where? What are you talking about?" he hissed under his breath, as you heard him walk to the door, shut it and work it, "what's going on?"

"I'm leaving you," you finished throwing the clothes that were easily accessible and jammed into the bathroom to grab your things from there, "I can't do this. I'm not marrying you, Chad. We're over."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," he must have heard you frantically scurrying around, as his voice had a shake to it, "what on earth are you talking about? You're not thinking clearly!"

"No," you said firmly, "I'm thinking clearly for the first time in a long time. This has been something that I've been thinking about for a long time. Chad, you and I...we're not meant to be."

"You were supposed to finalize your wedding dress today," he hissed under his breath, clearly not realizing what you had said. Or if he had, he has pointedly chosen to ignore everything you were saying. Typical. And one of the prime reasons you were ready to be done with him and move on. You could couldn't imagine a lifetime of this - you'd never be happy again. You held the phone away from your ear for a moment and let out a long groan, "have you been drinking?"

"What?!" a look of annoyed disgust your features as you rolled your eyes at him, "no, of course I haven't. This is exactly what I mean, Chad. You just get so like...this and I'm tired of dealing with it. Are you even happy?"

"It doesn't matter if I'm happy," he huffed. Of course it didn't...that’s exactly why your relationship had been doomed for a long time. Status, money, image was everything to him. That had never been your wants and goals life - that was how you'd always been different from your family. You just wanted to be happy, nothing else mattered. That's why you had dreamed of moving to California and starting a life there with Frankie, "that's not what this is about."

"Of course it is," you insisted softly, "that's what...that's what matters in life, Chad. Life isn't about money and status and what others think of you. Its about being happy, love, being kind..."

"What are you on about? What kind of delusions have been put into your head?" his words were cruel and you couldn't deny the fact that they stung. This was everything you had rebelled against when you were younger, everything you never wanted to he. But here you were...someone you couldn't even stand, "your parents wouldn't stand to hear you talk like this."

"Yeah," you agreed quietly, "that's exactly why I need to do this. I never wanted to be like them...I don't want to be anything like this. I don't care about it. I just want to be with someone I love and to be happy."

"You're setting yourself up for failure-"

"Maybe so," you agreed quietly, "but that's a risk I'm willing to take. It's better to try than just to accept a life without happiness."

"Look," he sighed, deep, weary sound, and you could just picture him sitting there in frustration, "we can talk about all of this when I get back. Its a few more days...maybe you'll be thinking more clearly by then. Just make sure get your dress and have everything figured out. We can't afford to get behind."

"No," it was a firm, resolute statement. Part of you was shocked that he wasn't understanding or getting into his thick skull that you were being serious. Then again, part of you was not surprised.

"No?"

"You don't get it, Chad," you cradled your phone between your ear and shoulder before pulling off your over the top engagement ring and slamming it on the dresser, "when you come back, I won't be here. I'm not kidding, this isn't some sort of game. I'm done - we are done. I'm leaving and I'm not coming back."

"You can't just leave!" a little bit of panic had crept into his voice as he slowly came to the realization that you were serious - dead serious, "what are you going to do? Where will you go?"

"I can just leave and I will," you insisted, "this has been over for some time, Chad. We both know it. I'm taking my things and leaving everything else. The ring is on the dresser. The apartment is yours anyway, keep it. Keep it all. I don't want a thing. I’ll figure the rest out on my own.”

“If you walk out that door and if you’re not there when I get back, this is over forever,” it almost sounded like he was trying to give you an ultimatum, but it just caused you to laugh lightly. Everything about this situation was life changing - you were breaking away from your life’s charted trajectory, but it felt like the right thing to do. The girl you were when you were growing up would have when horrified to see what you had become. But she was slowly clawing her way out and coming back to life, just how she should have been, how she should have always been.

“That’s the plan, Chad,” you sighed softly. You weren’t sure if he was ever going to get, or if he would only understand when he realized that you weren’t there. Maybe he had to experience the full reality of everything before he accepted it. You sat down on the edge of the bed, realizing that this was the last time you’d ever be here, “look, I’m sorry for not doing this sooner or expressing how I felt. I-I’ve tried but you always shut me down. I know this changes everything for both of us, but it’s the right thing to do. You’re not a bad man, Chad, but you’re just not the one for me. I don’t wish you anything but happiness, truly, but it’s just not with me.”

“People will talk, no one will ever have you back-”

“Yeah, and I’m okay with that,” you admitted, “those people? They never cared about me, none of them care about anything but themselves. I’m okay without them in my life. The people that matter will stay and they won’t care.”

“Sugar plum-”

“Don’t,” you cringed at the nickname, “don’t call me that, I hate it. I’ve always told you I hate it...and yet you never listened. I should have known, I should have tried harder to let you know. We should have talked more - you should have listened and I should have tried harder. This mess could have been avoided a long time ago.”

“You’re a therapist and couldn’t figure this out,” he scoffed and you could tell he was trying to go for a low blow. He was mad so he was going to try and fight dirty, “must not be a very good one then. What do they even pay you for?”

“I didn’t think you’d resort to saying something like that,” you stood back up and finished stuffing things into your suitcase, making up your mind to try and leave as quickly as possible, “but you know, I am good at my job and I try and help people. Just because I don’t always take my own advice, doesn’t mean it’s wrong. See, that’s why we would have never worked out - you’re so quick to anger and we’re never once had a rational discussion when you get like this. I mean, this wedding, everything that’s when going on has been for you and what you think people want. I’m not...I can’t do this anymore. This isn’t who I am, it never used to be. I need to be the person I truly am again.”

“You are making a huge mistake,” his declaration was enough to make you laugh as he desperately tried to do anything to make you feel small and to stay. If you believed that you needed him maybe you would stay. The sad thing was that he wasn’t even so concerned about you, or the fact that he loved you, it was all about how this would look to other people. Pathetic.

“No,” you disagreed, “and even if I was, I guess I’ll learn my lesson the hard way. I’m okay with that. Listen...I’ll take care of cancelling everything for the wedding and telling my parents. You can tell everyone else, blame me, make yourself look good. I’ll have all the money refunded to you, I don’t care about it, I just don’t.”

“You’re really doing this, huh?” he laughed; it was a bitter, stunted sound. You finished throwing your clothes and few items from the bathroom into the suitcase and were in the process of zipping it shut. You already felt so much freer, so much lighter.

“I am,” you acknowledged, grabbing your things and heading for the door, “this is goodbye, Chad. If it means anything at all, I am sorry for how this came about, but I’m not sorry for doing it. This is the right thing to do….even if it doesn’t feel like it now. In the future you’ll realize it too.”

A few beats of silence passed between the two of you, and just when you thought he was going to say something, the sound cut out and the call ended. You groaned lightly as pulled the phone away from your ear, tapping the corner of it against your head a few times. After all this time, this was how things were going to end? You knew he’d be mad, but you didn’t think it would be like this…

Figuring that while you were already in the middle of dealing with everything and that lovely response you had might as well call your parents and get that over with at the same time. How much else could go wrong? If you were going to be disowned, than you might as well find out now. Scrolling through your contacts, you quickly found your parent’s house number, dialing and quietly wishing that neither of them would answer. Maybe they would be too busy running around -

“Hello?” your mother sounded cheerful as ever, and while you didn’t always see eye to eye with her on everything, you still cared deeply about her. You considered hanging up, but decided against it, figuring it was time to get this done and over with.

“Hi Mom,” you said softly as she grew excited to hear from you. She startled rattling on, not even letting you get a word in edgewise as she went on and on about your wedding, “Mom, stop.”

“What do you mean?” she asked suddenly, taken aback by your little sharp comment, “this is your wedding we’re talking about it, honey, it’s going to be here before you know it.”

“That’s the thing...that’s why I’m calling-”

“You got your dress finalized today, right? I can’t wait to see it, I know you wanted it to be a surprise for everyone, but I wished I could have been there…” you could tell she was getting emotional, but it caused a light pang in your heart. It was never going to change your mind, of course, but still gave you a moment of pause, “tell me, honey, do you love the dress?”

“There’s no...no dress,” your voice was soft as a gasp came from the other end, “because there’s not going to be a wedding.”

“W-what?” she asked, fumbling on some words as she tried to wrap her head around what you were saying. No wedding? Surely you must have been pulling her leg. Your wedding was the talk of the town, everyone knew about it…”what do you mean there’s not going to be a wedding? Of course there...it’s in two months…”

“No,” you repeated again, “there’s not. It’s not happening. I told Chad, I’m leaving, I can’t go through with this. I don’t love him, Mom, not like that. I cannot marry a man that I do not love.”

“You already told him? You’re going to call this whole thing off?” she was getting hysterical and you immediately regretted telling her. Well...she was going to find out one way or another...at least this way she was getting it directly from you, “just like that? What’s going on with you?”

“Yes, just like that...but honestly, it’s been a long time coming,” you dragged your suitcases to the door and took one last look around the place, giving it one last look over, “it’s...I wasn’t happy, not for a long time. And it’s my fault for not dealing with it sooner, but I couldn’t go through with this. I’m not going to subject myself and him for a life of unhappiness.”

“But what about-”

“None of that matters,” you promised, “I don’t care what anyone thinks. I just want to be happy and if I ever marry anyone, I want to be in love. Maybe that will never happen, but that’s better than a lifetime of going through the motions.”

“But Chad is...he’s perfect…” rolling your eyes, you tossed your eyes onto the counter and took off the apartment keys, laying them on the table for Chad, “the two of you…”

“Look great together? Would have 2.5 wonderful looking children? A dog with a big house and white picket fence?” you finished for her, “I know that’s what everyone says and thinks. But it’s so much more than that. Chad is not a bad man, and I know that, he’s good and he’ll be great for the right person, that person just isn’t me. I don’t care about anything else...I want to be happy, and right now, I know it will hurt him, but eventually he’ll be happy too.”

“Are you sure about this?” she sounded resigned already, knowing that it wasn’t worth it to argue with you. You always had a stubborn streak when you were young, and that had never changed.

“I am, Mom. I just...I want to be happy, truly happy, and if I had gone through with everything, it would never have happened,” you explained, “isn’t that important too? Does my happiness mean so little to everyone?”

“Your happiness is important, sweetheart,” she said softly. You could tell this was crushing her spirits and that no less than a million things were running through her mind, she always was the analytical type, stemming from her many years as an attorney. But at least she was trying; trying to understand your thoughts and respect them, even if it was hard for her, “are you positive that this is what you want?”

“I am,” you felt sure and confident in yourself as you headed for the door, propping it open and dragging your suitcases into the hallway, “this is the thing I’ve been more sure about lately than anything else.”

“Well,” she cleared her throat, “then that’s what matters. You do deserve happiness, my love. What are you going to do now?”

“I hadn’t really thought that far ahead,” you admitted, “I’ll figure that out as I go...which I guess is now.”

“Your father and I are here if you need us,” she promised, surprising in a way because you were sure that you would be subjected to her wrath, “we do love you, you know, despite how it may seem sometimes.”

“I know, “ you closed the door slowly, listening to it shut with a soft click, bringing about a bit of finality to the life you were leaving behind, “I appreciate that. Right now, I just need to figure a few things out.”

“Call us if you need anything,” she insisted, and you took a deep breath before nodding.

“I will,” you promised softly, ending the call and tossing your phone into your pocket. At least that was done. Now you just had to figure everything else out.

Everything else suddenly seemed unbelievably daunting. You’d gone through periods before where everything you had known fell completely apart. You’d gotten through it then and you would again.

You had been broken and forced to pick up each tiny piece of yourself before. You’d do again and again and again if you had to. At least this gave you a chance at happiness.

This was just the first page of a new chapter. You can do this, you kept repeating to yourself as you started to walk away, you can do this.

On the outskirts of town, in the small, quaint house he called home, Frankie startled awake, out of his midafternoon nap. He looked around to see what the cause for the sudden wake up was, but could find nothing. He sighed as he sat up and rubbed his tired eyes, his heart panging with an odd, pulling sensation.

He wasn’t quite sure what it was...but it was something.

»»————-　♡　————-««

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