#lookin out for her gurl

[purrfectoutlaw]

      “I see some prick needs to be stepped on, and I’m not in the mood to be sexy about it.”

[fabuloussisterofsin]

I Don't Want To Miss You Tonight

Soap has just come back from a mission. It was a long one and by god does he need his love. While getting ready to go in he remembers briefly the night you met. That is interrupted when you meet him outside. The evening proceeds and you realize just how badly Johnny needed you and missed you.

Johnny 'Soap" Mactavish X fem!reader

The reader is plus-sized, no use of Y/N cause that takes me out of the story.

Please enjoy and forgive any grammar issues, the American education system failed me.

ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/59282092

Johnny ‘Soap” Mactavish was bone weary. Everything ached, every fiber of his being felt as though it had run a marathon. His gaze went up to the bay window of the flat he shared with his love. His bonnie lass, his darling hen. The soft light of the stained glass lamp illuminated you. Your eyes cast wistfully over the sea. You two had been able to move coastal when Johnny’s promotion to Sergeant came, it came with a sizeable paycheck and the ability to be further from the base. Fantastic news for you as well, she could change your place of employment. Now you taught University students American History.

An American abroad you had felt so out of place and then, one day in the corner of a dark pub you locked eyes with Johnny. As Johnny gazed up at you, he remembered that night.

The curvaceous gal sitting in the corner of the pub, gripping a pint you hadn't touched looking scared to death. When your eyes met it was as if Soap felt a clenching in his gut.

“Johnny you a’right.” Simon drawled out beside him. The grouchy Manch hardly ever went out, but something about Johnny made it happen.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Johnny replied almost breathlessly. “Just ah lookin at that lass ov’r there.” He took a sharp intake of breath.

“She seems to be a fine gurl,” Simon grunts. “Looks right terrified she does. You’re scarin' her Johnny.”

When in reality it had been quite the opposite. You had been smitten with him from that instant. It was his blue eyes, they seemed to shine even in the dingy light of the pub.

His gaze pierced through you like a biting winter wind, it took your breath away just as that same gale would. Your heart leaped into your throat as he made his way over to you. It seemed as though he saw nothing and no one else at that moment. As he made his way through the rowdy crowd the rest of the world blurred out in his vision and there was only you. Finally, he made it to your spot in the bar, the noise less overbearing here in your little haven.

“Hello there, my name is Johnny, Johnny Mactavish and who might ye be lass?” He asked, his voice was low and gruff, his accent thick and recognizable. You picked him out to be Scotsman right away and if you weren’t smitten already, you were for sure done in now.

You swallowed hard, your mouth felt dry and you shook, not from fear but nerves. Was this your moment? That wonderful, impossible moment where suddenly your world went from dull grey to a million brilliant shades of color? Were everything and everyone made sense and your life fit together in that final puzzle piece that was the touch of this man, and the gaze of his baby blues?

After what perhaps seemed like hours you open your mouth and tell him your name. He smiles, and it is electric, sending a shiver through your body and a pain in your heart. That warm, achy feeling of first love awakening like a crocus on the cusp of the spring. The kind of feeling that made you feel all woozy and floaty.

“Well, I’m glad ta meet yah sweet’eart.” He replies to you. “May I join yah?” He asks gesturing to the seat beside you.

“God I hope you would,” you reply. He chuckles, deep in his chest. Your eyes met once again and that's how the rest of the evening would go. Eyes trained on each other listening and talking, your drinks all but forgotten. He was so goddamn handsome. His hair was a dark brown, shaved down the sides, and the longer part made into a mohawk. He had a dusting stubble on his chin, the same dark brown, it didn't grow on a scar on the right side of his chin. A nasty thing by the looks of it.

“Did I catch your eye from across the room bonnie?” He drawls, his blue eyes stormy with purpose and flirtation. He was acting on instinct. Christ, you were gorgeous, and curvy in all the right places.

“Yes..” You managed, you could hardly breathe you swear this never happened to you and now it was.

As the night moved on, he got closer, [pushing you further into the corner of the booth you had selected. The world was completely tuned out it was just you and him. He reached out for your face and took your chin in his thumb and forefinger. Your skin was so soft against his callused fingers. Johnny’s eyes rove your face, taking in your dainty complexion, and the sight of your pretty pink lips. He can feel it in his heart, a stirring, one similar to that of when a teen boy first falls in love. He licks his lips.

“Tell me hen…” He breathes, his breath smelling faintly of scotch. “What had you traveling across the pond to this place..”

“Adventure, a new life and searching…”

“I think ye found what you were looking for.” He runs a thumb over your lower lip. The pull to you was so intense he could have sworn it was divine intervention making itself known. Your eyes were shimmering with that moony look he had only ever received a few times in his life. This time though it didn’t annoy him like it had before with other women, no from you it felt a confirmation that this pull was real.

“I think I have,” you reply.

“Kenna kiss yah bonnie?” he asks, hoping beyond hope you would give him a second yes for the evening.

“Yes.” You reply. “Fucking hell yes please.” Soap leans, forward and your lips touch, gently, nothing hot and heavy about this kiss, this was a tentative meeting of your lips. For the rest of him being so rough, his lips were soft. Soap had kissed plenty of girls, kissed them, and left them and none of them felt like this.

“Bleedin christ…” he remarks. “I’m in over my head darlin…” This was true he was in over his head, just from a mere kiss he could tell it was the end for him. You were his spark, the light he needed in his life to keep the darkness at bay.

That statement was never more true than it was right now, as he stood outside of your flat remembering this moment, he couldn’t help but feel love sick again. Lovesick and tongue-tied. His fond remembrances were interrupted by the sound of the door to your flat crashing open.

“Johnny!” You call him, your bare feet pattering on the concrete of the sidewalk; as you throw yourself at him. He grunts as your bodies make contact. “Johnny my love,” you say as his arms wrap around your waist.

He squeezes you tightly. He breathes in your scent. You smell of vanilla and cashmere. He pulls back to look you in the eyes and the bright beaming smile you give him melts his heart.

“Hello, Bonnie.” He moves to kiss you. You return his kiss with equal vigor. His hands come to rest on your hips and his fingers anchor into the meat of your hips as you kiss. You rest your arms on his shoulders before your fingers tangle into the hair at the nape of his neck.

A light sob wracks your shoulders. It was always a relief when Johnny made it home. “Oh my god, Johnny you’re home.” You say, tears streaming down your face. You look up at him and he takes your chin in his thumb and forefinger, tilting your head up.

“Dinnae cry now my love…” He trails off his voice taut with emotion. His ice-blue eyes betrayed what was hiding in his heart. That same sense of relief that you felt.

“I can’t help it Johnny I happen to be very much in love with you.” You reply to him.

“Isn’t that shame then…” He moves his hand to hold your cheek, you nuzzle into his touch. “ I’d have to hurt the bastard who made you cry.” He chuckles warmly.

You laugh with him. You turn your head to kiss his palm. He can’t help it, he’s lost in your eyes as he wipes a tear away with his rough thumb. Your pretty eyes shimmered so brightly, as you felt warm and inviting in his grasp. He forgot almost everything around him except you.

You lean up a bit and meet his lips for another kiss. “I’m..so glad..you’re home..” You say as you pepper his face with kisses. “I thought, I didn’t know what I thought, I always get so anxious when the time comes for you to come home and I don’t hear anything and I tried to contact Price but he wouldn’t tell me anything. God Johnny, I thought maybe you had died…” You ramble as your hands scramble to ensure he is all there and that you aren’t just dreaming.

“Hey hey, breathe baby I’m alright, I’m right here, Breathe.” He says as he pulls you in again for a hug. The way he was holding told you something had happened, something bad.

“John..what happened?” You ask him as he holds you tightly, as if he was afraid if he let you go you’d disappear too.

“Nothin’ to trouble yah with…let’s go inside, you’ll catch a cold out here in just your shirt.” He mumbles into your shoulder. “I’m just glad to be home, with you…” he trails off. With his insistence, the pair of you went inside. Once the door was closed Johnny was on you once more. His thick arms wrapped around you like the ancient branches of a weeping willow.

“Oh Johnny…” you whisper as you stroke the back of his head, fingers running over his soft brown hair. He lets out a content mumble as you do this. You could have asked him what he wanted for dinner, you could have brought him to the couch to sit. However, something in your sixth sense told you that right now, he needed you this way. To hold him closely, to let him hold you. Without fear or judgment or ridicule, just let him be. His grip grows tighter and he hides his face in the crook of your neck. He takes in a breath, breathing in your scent, vanilla, and cashmere. Even the lotion you wore was comforting to him. He was home, and home was with you.

“ I thought about you, every day, every hour, every second while I was away hen, I couldn’t stop thinking about you, even during the mission you were on my mind, all I wanted was to come home to you.” He speaks, face still slotted in the crook of your neck. “I haven’t told you ye, as of late or ever but you are everything to me..I love you so damn much it hurts sometimes baby.” his heart is hammering in his chest as he talks, he’s being vulnerable.

You can feel your chest tighten at his admission. You had always known that without him ever telling you but to hear the words from his mouth was another thing entirely. “I know John…”

“Lemme finish.” he interrupts you. “I dinnae care about anything else right now. I just need you…” He lets out a breath. “I just want you..”

“You can have me then..” you answer his request. “However or whatever you need,” you say as he finally stands up a bit.

“Hold me, lass,” he asks, taking your hand in his, your hand seemed so slender in his. That was no small feat as you were a heftier girl. That was something he liked about you. You remembered once you bemoaned your size and several hours later Soap had shown you why that was his favorite part of you. That was a memory for another time.

He drags you to your forest-green couch and asks you to sit. You oblige, and he pushes you back until you’re both prone. Usually, this would lead to a different situation but as Johnny lowers himself on top of you his ear pressed to your sternum you know what he wanted.

He lays there ear trained to your chest, listening to the soft thumping of your heart. His arms wrapped around your waist and traveled up your back until he was comfortable cuddling you. The heart that beats for him. His heart beats for you. As the two of you lay there, the enjoyed silence soon gave way to the pattering of an autumn rainstorm on the glass of your bay window. His breathing begins to slow as you rub his back gently, your other hand playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. He grumbles again, the sound reverberating through his and your chests. He can feel himself melting, each fiber of his muscles finally relaxing after four solid months of being on alert. Before you, even after missions he never made his way out of his alert state, but you…oh, you had some sort of witchcraft about you. How with just a touch it seemed he could leave it behind, how the drums of war would cease beating in his mind. All because of you. The hour passed and Johnny could feel himself slowly fading into sleep. The rhythmic beating of your heart and the pattering of rain are his lullabies. Before he knew it he was dreaming.

You felt his breathing even out, and his grip on you soften. He had fallen asleep. This was how you would be for the next couple of hours, and you didn’t mind. You kept up your rubbing of his back as he rested. You leaned your head down a bit and kissed what you could, of the top of his head.

“I love you Johnny Mactavish, don’t you ever stop coming home.”

[1-helluva-hazbin]

Always Something Underneath

Chapter 1 - Hints of Vanilla

Lucifer x Fem!reader (prostitute character w/ accent)

Content warning: heavy flirting, slow burn, smoking, writing the accent

Summary: A curious answer during one of Charlie's groups from a new resident stokes Lucifer's interest. Him choosing to pursue a brief conversation with the new resident sparks the beginnings of something new.

Thank you for all the love and support you choose to give!

Word Count: 2476

Chapter 1 (You are Here) 𖤐 Chapter 2 𖤐 Chapter 3 𖤐 Chapter 4 𖤐 Chapter 5 (WIP)

“Good job everyone! Thank you for all the awesome participation today!” Charlie said as she clapped her hands, ending the last session of the day.

You stood up stretching. Just a quick shift of your shoulders and twist of your body had it popping and crunching from having sat for the last 45ish minutes. You made it fast though as you didn’t want to get caught up in conversation with anyone. You needed to get some nicotine in your system before you headed off to work. You ducked from the room before anyone could notice you dipped and briskly headed off.

It hadn’t been long since you had come to the hotel. Only a month if that. You had quickly made yourself at home though. Eagerly participating in the group sessions, partaking in the lobby bar with some fun drunken shenanigans, and taking advantage of the hotel amenities such as the many balconies to indulge your nicotine addiction. As you made your way up to the left wing balcony on the second floor, you put a cigarillo in your cigarette holder and prepped your lighter. Approaching the door, you turned pushing it open with your rear enabling you to simultaneously light up. You took a quick puff twirling out the opened door, that quickly swung shut with a slam behind you, and sighed as the smoke invaded your lungs teasing your addiction. 

You made your way over to the banister on the far side of the large balcony to lean on it, your plush bosom getting a lift. You brought the holder to your lips and slowly took a long slow drag. You had gotten vanilla cigarillos this time which was just the taste you wanted as it brought about a light buzz fully quelling the craving that had been gnawing at you. “Mmm…just what this gurl needs.” you hummed to yourself. Your free hand snagged your phone from its tucked position in the waist of your skirt bringing up one of the various social media sites you frequented. Your finger speedily flicking through the vast amounts of meaningless content people spammed the site with looking for anything remotely entertaining.

To your surprise, you hear the door behind you open and close. You perked a brow and glanced over your shoulder to see none other than Lucifer making his way over. His hands behind his back holding his cane as he confidently strode over. “Good afta’noon your majesty.” you coo, giving a half wave with the hand holding your cigarillo. 

“Good afternoon.” he politely responded, taking up a spot to your right leaving ample room between the two of you. “Very good session this afternoon. You gave a very,” he paused thinking about how he wanted to phrase it, “honest answer.”

“Well,” you laugh softly, “Chawlie’s always goin’ on about honesty bein’ important. An’ I figya, I ain’t got nothin’ to hide so I ain’t got no reason not’a be.” You took another slow drag watching him as he gazed out towards the city. He seemed a little nervous; his fingers drumming along the shaft of his cane and he shifted his weight from his heels to the front of his feet and back. That tickled you a bit. You tucked your phone back into the waist of the skirt and turned towards him. “Alright, what’s goin’ on. You don’t just stawt conversations with anybawdy.”

A devious smirk slid onto your lips as you decided to mess with him. You leaned towards him, bending at the waist so your cleavage was in full view for the king. “You lookin’ for a little fun ta’night? Bold of you I gotta say but, I’m game. I got werk but… I could stop by your room afta.” 

Lucifer blanched and he immediately put both hands up, as if he would push you away should you dare to get too close, while stepping back. “ABSOLUTELY NOT. Nooooooo. No, no, and NO.”

You couldn’t stop yourself from unabashedly laughing at his reaction. The satisfaction of freaking him out feeding your desire to tease him further. He looked like he might launch into an asthma attack, if he had asthma, from the shock though. You knew you couldn’t push too far considering how good you had it here and the fact you had JUST gotten here. “Sorry, sorry. I gotta mean streak don’ I.” The smile lingering on your lips as you lean away from him easing his anxiety. “But really. What’s up?”

A quick flick of your fingers sent ashes to the air before you brought it back to his lips, giving him a moment to recover and answer you. As you waited, you looked over the eye candy before you. You really wouldn’t have minded if he wanted a private session with you. He was far easier on the eyes than most of the clients you saw at the brothel. Damn if you weren’t really curious about how long that serpent tongue was as well. 

“I wanted to talk about your answer in the group.” he said after having collected himself, not having missed the fact he was being visually eaten alive. “About how one of your reasons for wanting to get into heaven is to find love. You know there isn’t a guarantee you’ll find that up there right? Plus Heaven… has it’s own challenges. Let alone who knows what the winners will think of prior sinners joining their ranks.”

You took a moment, processing what he had said. “Hmm… I mean, your not wrong. There isn’t.” you paused, lightly tapping your cigarette holder on the banister as you pondered, “If ya’ think about it though, most’a the people down heya, don’t have a reason to be betta. Like, there’s no reason to improve. Most people prob’ly get worse actually since, ya know, they can’t get inna heaven. It is what it is kinda mentality.”

You purse your lips, looking out towards the city. “It’s pretty hawd findin’ somebody who wants’ta commit when everythin’ around’ja encourages ya to just do whateva you want. I’ve had my faya shara of cheats and use’as. Then when they aw decent, usually cause they fresh ta hell, the extermination gets’em. ” You turn back to Lucifer taking another puff of your cigarello.

“People in heaven though…” you look at your hand as you twirled the cigarette holder making designs in the air with the smoke while looking out at the city as you talked, “obviously they did sommin’ right. Probably werked on themselves. Read those self improvement books or saw’a shrink. Actually tried to fix their issues. Ya’know? Decen’ people who wanna be good. For themselves an’ their foreva person.”

A sigh slipped from your lips as you thought about it before you glanced back at him. His face was neutral, though you figured gears were turning. “I got’ta give myself some’in to look forward to. THOUGH,” you added with an omph, “If I don got’ta werk up there. Love dos’nt matta. That’s gold. Sign me up. I’ll werk on me while baskin’ in the joys’a Heaven and if love comes along I’ll giv’it a try.”

He laughed out lightly. He shook his head clearly bemused by your monologue. While looking out just as the sound of gunshots sounded just a couple of blocks away, his smile fell slightly. “You’re not wrong about people not trying down here…” 

“Good thing we gawt Chawlie. Keep us awll in line.” You let out a single laugh drinking him in. “Does our resident angel think it’s pawsable? Redemption?”

He side eyed you looking down towards the ground and shrugged. “I can’t say. It hasn’t been done before as far as I’m aware.”

A hum of acknowledgement leaves your lips before you suck in the last bit of your ciargello in one long drag. You hold it, before slowly breathing it out, “Shucks. Well, guess awll we can do is try.”

He perked a brow at you glancing over. You smile at him. He hesitates before returning your smile and nodding. “Yup.”

You bend down, putting out the cigarello nub on the ground standing back up with a huff. You take the burnt down bit from the holder and flick it off the balcony, not missing the disgusted look from Lucifer. “Well, I don’t really wanna cut this shwort but, I gotta stawt gettin’ ready for werk.”

His brows furrowed, his expressions were just the cutest. He had heard you mention it previously but he had been so focused on shutting down your advances it hadn’t registered. “Why are you still working? You’re supplied everything you need at the hotel aren’t you?”

“Well, a gurls gawtta’ protect herself.” You gave him a lopsided smile paired with one raised eyebrow as if it should be obvious. “Since we dun know if it’s gunna werk I can’ bank on it. If I quit the brothel and it don’t, I hav’ta restawt building’ my reputation awll ova. Jus’ cuttin’ my ow’as to a couple nights, protects me from fully restawtin’.”

You waggle a finger at him, “AWLSO, it actually has been helpin’ me too. Supply an’ demand kinda thing. The less ow’as I have ta offa, means the clients who rreaaally want me, ah willin’ ta pay little more. They awlso have been bookin’ mora head’a time. Full books, less ow’as, with a little more comin’ in has been SOOO nice. I actually havn’ lost as much money as I thawt I would by comin’ here.”

Lucifer was staring at you with a clearly bewildered or overwhelmed look in his eyes. He hadn’t expected such an extensive, practical answer. He had just sort of assumed you enjoyed the sex from the way he had seen you act. You laughed seeing the look on his face, “It’ jus’ makes sense don’it?”

“I suppose you’re right. That was… certainly… a different answer than I expected.” 

“So diplomatic.” you roll your eyes playfully. “You're not gonna hurt my feelin’s none by saying what you actually think.” You pull your phone from your waist, groaning seeing the time. “I do gotta head out. Werk ‘n that.”

“Oh of course.” he said before pausing. “Since you entertained my questions, would you like a portal to your door?”

You gasped out at the offer, genuinely surprised. You then smile at him, trying to act a little sheepish though you were far too excited to successfully play it off. “You don’ gotta if you dun wanna BUT I. Would. Love that.”

He let out a soft laugh at your attempt to hide your excitement and with a quick motion of his cane a portal materialized before you. You watched completely mesmerized. You then whipped your head towards him, “If I could travel first class like this alla time, I would. I do, greatly appreciate it ya highness.”

“Please, Lucifer is just fine.” His cane rested in front of him with both hands on the apple top. His chest puffed just slightly, his ego bolstered by your reaction.

“Oooo,” you purred, “first name basis. You jus’ open a can-a-worms. You bet I’ma call you every nickname in the book now.”

He laughed nervously, his eyes shifting off to the side and then back, not certain what kind of teasing he had just incidentally unleashed upon himself, “Lucifer’s fine.”

The playful smirk climbed onto your lips, pleased with his reaction. “Thanks again for the portal dwoll.”

As you started to walk through the portal to your bedroom door you hesitated, suddenly turning around and walking over towards Lucifer again. You saw him tense slightly as you made your way back to him.

“You know…” you allow your voice to take a sultry tone, to feed into the uncertainty he was feeling, stopping right in front of him. Using a finger up to lightly push his hat up a smidge so you could see his face a little easier, since you were just slightly taller than him with your heels, you give him a real smile, “you seem like your one’a the good ones. A real decin’ persin.”

“A lil rough aroun’ the edges. But, considerin’ ur age and all the bullshit you’ve see along with, ya know, where we aw. You’re pretty swell. It’s not really a mystery where Chawlie gets it and why she makes me wanna be betta persin.” Your smile grew seeing him blink in surprise before a thought crossed your mind that made your face deadpan.

“Most’a the time. I still have days where I wanna commit mass homicide but~,” you said quickly waving your hand as if to dismiss the comment as if it was a sidenote, “I’m gettin’ betta. More good days than bad days. It’sa stawt.”

Lucifer didn’t let the comment pass though as his face twisted into one of alarm and question before he attempted to mask it with a plastered fake smile that was pulled too tight and didn’t reach his eyes. “Hahaha..yeah…that's totally normal!” he looked away with wide eyes real quick before putting a gleeful facade back on, “Well you better run along! Can’t be late for work!”

“Ah, shoot! You're right!” you spun on your heels and quickly made your way towards the portal waving at him from over your shoulder. “Thanks for the portal, Luci babe! Lets do this again soon~!” 

The moment you walked through the portal, it closed with a resolute ‘whish’. The smile immediately fell from Lucifer’s face as he sighed out, emotionally spent. He fixed his hat before turning to lean on the banister collecting himself as he played through the conversation with you. You certainly were quite the character, like most of the hotel guests, but overall you had seemed…pleasant. Minus the homicide comment. Also minus your sexually charged teasing.

He looked out towards the city as he thought about what you said before the homicide comment. Him being a decent person which is where Charlie got it. That made his heart swell. While Lilith had certainly taken up the role of primary parent, he liked hearing there were still parts of him in Charlie; especially good parts. He might have fucked up most of the things in his life but, hopefully Charlie would never be one of them. She was too good and he would do everything in his power to make sure she stayed that way.

The image of your smiling face as you pushed his hat up popped into his head. He hoped you were a decent person. It had truly seemed as though you had said all of that in earnest. Your eyes had been soft with a kind smile. A small glimpse of a potentially good being.

“What a whirlwind…” He laughed softly, running a hand down his face, mentally preparing for more social interactions, before he made a portal for himself back to the lobby.

[since64bce]

Trumper HC: AOT CHARACTERS AS TRUMP SUPPORTERS

I'm not in Amurica or nothin so idek the guy. All I'm sayin is I think he's a funny man so lets go baby yeehaw

CHARACTERS??: CONNIE AND SASHA, MIKASA, ERWIN, REINER, BERTHOLDT, HISTORIA, PIXIS, FLOCH Warnings: Racism, Sexism, ageism, STEREOTYPING, homophobia, transphobia, swearing, soft porn, guns, terrorism, mentions of violence and molesting. (istg im nitpicking here) A/N: pls don't report me.

CONNIE + SASHA 🥹💃🕺 (Cowboy conspirators)

-I have to group them together Im sorry

-"We juhst tew keids werkin togeyther on ower dayddies raynch in teyxas"🤓🤠

-Sashas fam are a few hardened Trump veterans (it's in the braus bloodline) can you imagine her father NOT being a republican smth

-Connies fam is the same.

-Both of their dads are those weird uncles u only see @ thanksgiving once a year. NOT WEIRD IN A PEDO WAY. They the ones who talk abt the flouride makin the rats n frogs gay an whatnot. its a whole thing.

-BAsically con man🧍‍♂️ and sack nut🧍‍♀️ spend their days chewing on straw and standing outside abortion clinics. 👫

-They're probably like 12 or somthing idk

-But yes they really like trump. Hail trump✋. Worship trump🙏. Trump trump trump. Donald J trump💋. Love trump🫶. want trump👀. lick trump🫵. kiss trump🫵. Trump 4 life💪. Trump all day baby🫦. Trump👨🏽‍🦲.

-Honestly they wanna see trump more than trump wanna see them.

-Actually trump don't want to see them.

-He'd get molested, turn around and there'd be two skanky ass lookin children standing behind him how horrific.💀💀💀

-These children aren't normal

-God bless murica ✊✊ yeehaw

Mikasa es tu casa (Chilled out chad)

-Mikasa is one of them chill ones that just mind their own buisness

-Unproblematic chad😌

-She sets an example for the rest of society and shes ripped so lets all take a leaf out of mikasas book shall we

-This aint aot fr this is america 🦅🦅🇺🇸🇺🇸 so she lived happily ever after with her mama and papa ok. no weird human traffickers or nothing🖕🖕. Her parents would've been quite traditional and conservative

-I think she'd believe in the nuclear family and gender roles and what not but her beliefs would be very mild

-You can't get her fuckin forearms from making sandwiches all day babes ❤️‍🔥💪

-but yeah shes a sweetheart ilhsm💋

-And lets just say her being a trumpee is like Gods way of containing this woman

-she wouldn't have missed fr🔫

-And God forbid if she did miss cuz otherwise she'd have gone up there and done it with her bare hands baby

-casual Trump enjoyer

Erwin👱‍♂️ (Facebook warrior)

-He's one a them grandaddy Trumps💪👴. There from the very beginning.❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

-You really think old people are bad at using technology?? WRONG.

-Levi helped him set up a facebook account 💋

-And It's the only fuckin thing he knows how to use on his computer. And he plays around on with his face this🤏 close to the screen, like gurl u don't need to do that 🧍‍♂️💀💀

-just use ur monacle or whatever🤷‍♀️

-But yeah whenever he comes upon gay 🌈🌈people posts on facebook my man has a heart attack. He clutches his chest falls outta his chair as he tries to get his breathing in control. 🤯😵

-Erwin will come across a post of two girls kissing an fickin collapse istg

-And then he'll get his talons out and start producing some juicy ass hate comments👹. He can't control himself, he's like a wild beast🥴😮‍💨, its like his arthiritis stricken claws have a gravitational pull towards that keyboard

-And he doesn't understand the whole algorithm thing either

There he squats with all these gay daddies on his facebook, hate spamming ALL of them AND HE STILL DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHY FACEBOOK KEEPS SHOWING HIM THESE POSTS🤬🤬😡🫣🤷‍♀️

-He suffering multiple heart attacks a day people get this man off facebook🙌

-And then Levi will come over and see that Erwin has been writing hate comments under pictures of mens bulges on his computer🧍‍♂️

-Who gave this guy the tech knowledge to b able to cyber bully but not to close his damn tabs sheesh

-He's also become a top poster on one of the Trump groups that he follows ✊✊

-Also he uses the N word a lot 🧍‍♂️

Mr big tits (Bible, BBQ and an AK47)

-Oh my dear lovely big breasted Reiner Braun🍒🍒

-tells everyone abt how his papi went to 'nam and died when in reality his papi waz just a bich and left early🤫

-Not enough valour for him ig

-Even tho homeboy aint in the army 🫡 anymore he still stocks up more ammo than his local police department. 🫶🫰

-Hes just a🔅 cutesy little😻 hoarder with a cuetsy little collection of firearms too. 🤤🥰💖🩷🩵💙

-he will also wear cammo vests to the supermarket just to buy himself some spinach. He's a cammo boy. It's all he wears. 😮‍💨

-Aside from his gun collection and cammo obession, Reiner also loves a bit of BBQ here and there.

-believes the Founding Fathers’ original intent included God, guns, and smoked brisket.💪💪🦅🦅

-And country music of course.

-He's just a casual guy nothing too extreme😎🤠

-He owns a pair of american flag speedos tho, is confused as to why people need so many pronouns and passively aggressively competes in lawn care comps with his neighbor

-Somebody make this guy a father pls🥵😳🫃

Bechtolsheim :))))🦒🦒(Wall enthusiast)

-Oh my berty boy whom i love love love😤💕

-Let us b true with ourselves guys mr daddy long legs🕷️here has all our hearts and souls encaptured in his nice ol sweaty palms. I can tell ya now he's a man of the lord. He's down on those knees for j-dawg night'n day bro 🙏. He daps up the homeboy holy spirit on his way to bible study wit Reiner. ✝️✝️🫰

-Boy sure knows how to resist those temptations. Satan who? Sorry, B-dawg doesn't know him

-Everyone just thinks he's a nice guy 🧍🏽... which he is obv 🙄

-(In the daytime🌞, he's bertholdt, just a normal gurl💅🫦, living a normal life😸😝... but theres ✨something✨👁️👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨 about him🧌🥸😱 that, no one ⁉️knows yet⁉️.... 🤨🧐cause he has secrets🤭🥵🥵👹👹👹......)

-he used to b part of a terrorist group.

-☠️

-BUT HES IS(IS) A NICE GUY HE WAS JUS A LIL BIT CONFUSED BACK THEN an thats okay baby everyone gets a bit confused sometimes.

-AND this was before he met God mkay.

-But yeah, now bertholdt has a burning descrimination against muslims.

-Its the trauma man.

-His stereotyping and racism is like a festering cancer, he fights it everyday like a champ 💃💃✊

-And what does this have to do with being a trumpee you might ask?🧐

-Immigration.

-He wants em' all deported

-SOMETIMES Berts inner darkness wins out. He wants to forget his past, he wants to throw it right outta his window!... and out of his country....🦅🦅🇺🇸🤠🍟🍔

-This boy has seen some stuff🙇🏻🥺. And he's slowly getting better with his muslophobia. He tries. The lawd is his chemo, slowly trying to vanquish this dark dark part of himself 👿🦹, bit by bit.

-Never underestimate the power of the lord. Amen.😗

(All u christians go hard tho fr, mad respect. And all u muslims out there we buddies, go snatch that Quran and be a boss kachow)

Historian Reiss (Progress? Don't you mean bull-kaka?)

-SOMEBODY CALL THE TRAD WIFES UP IN HERE👰‍♂️👰‍♂️👰‍♂️👰‍♀️👰‍♀️👰‍♀️👰‍♀️👰‍♀️

-Girly says that the 1950s were PEAK even tho the closest thing to diversity back then was whether or not u liked jazz 🎶🎶😎

-Oh yeah she sure misses them polio days 🤤😻

-But in all seriousness she probs wears those big pantaloon undies😱🥶 like gurl u aint going parachuting thru the clouds just wear normal ones

-She's always googling how to make her child rearing hips bigger🤰🤰

-Not a single pair of pants in HER wardrobe. Not that she'd be able to wear them with her double storage solution underpants. Dresses and skirts ONLY.

-Also they must all be FLOOR length to hide those temptatious ankles🥵🥵😩

-Our modest queen🫡

-She aint trust no supermarket ultra processed shit food either she gets her eggs straight from her own chickens ass🦆 and she grows her own veggies n stuff. Good for her 🤙💪💪

-Although she did once collapse ffrom an iron deficiency cuz she couldn't find her own meat source poor girl

-she hit her head and was unconious for lik 3 days

-Her neighbors saw her undies before they saw her🪂🪂🪂

PIXIS (Mommy, can we put grandpa back into the retirement home now?)

-Bros worse than the braus and springer daddies👹👹👹👹

-He could not only write an entire 500-chapter-50k-words-per-chapter-ten-part book series abt gay frogs🫦, fake moon landings🙀, reptilian politicians🐸, 5G towers, Big pharma, chem trails🥵😷 ect ect ect but he could fact check the entire thing with blurry memes off facebook sent to him by his cousin randy

-He's a fuckin conspricay chad, unstoppable, admirable, irrestistable, alcoholic, crazy, cute🥺, chic, chadilicious bald man👨🏽‍🦲👨🏽‍🦲

-His children shipped him off to a home as soon as he turned 60 and his knee vaguely started hurting

-Hes too powerful

-Pixis does gets invited to special occasions tho cuz his family feel slightly bad

-He be an anti-science, pro magic, potter grade, wizard baby🧙‍♂️. Of course the government control the weather, of course climate change isn't real. 🤷‍♀️

-And he tell everryyyboodddyyy @ the dinner table baby👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

-There are actually 8 wonders of this world. His offspring. How the. frick did they turn out so normal?🤨

-Anyways he managed to manipulate his son in law once and accidently caused a divorce

-Now he only gets invited to christmas

-And somehow he sneaks flasks of whatever into his nursing home illegally seals them out to all his nursing home pals.

-He's got an army of at least 15 of them that he's planning a coup with.🥳😏

-He also owns a MAGAs hat and suffers from mild heartburn because he only eats steak

Floch (LIBERATE THE MEN, WOMEN ARE THOTS)

-Another country boy but hes a skinny country boy who doesn't own a diesel guzzling man truck or get high blood pressure from eating steak 24/7.

-He lives wit his mama and eats the pasta salad she makes him for sunday lunch. 🧑‍🌾

-But yes he's still a freaky lil fanatic👹🧑‍🌾

-Imagine he lives in a world without pimp-dawg Eren Tate-ger. Whose Floch supposed to follow??? huh??? Donald thats who. Donald trump💪🦵.

-And andrew tate of course👨🏽‍🦲

-He's one of them red pillers who can sniff out a womans virginity from a mile away

-"Wats ur body count???"

-and hes very patriotic too:

-TRUMP IS JESUS 2.0, MY MAN THONG HAS AN EAGLE ON IT,CKAWW CAWW CAWWWW SAY YOU CAN SEE BY THE DAWN EARLY LIGHT WHAT SO PROUDLY WE HAILED AND THE TWILIGHTS LAST GLEAMING🦅🦅🏈🏈🇺🇸🇺🇸???!!!!???? DADDY TRUMPS TAN IS NOT FAKE GUYS WTFFF😡😡😡😡🤬🤬🤬🖕🖕🖕

-He's like a freaky little jehovah's witness guys

-he's so alpha dont you think?🐺🐺🐺

A/N: Sorry I think i fell off a bit at the end but I couldn't b bothered. Also yes ik the bertoldth one was a little wild but dont report me babes thank u very much. later losers.

[toonycatuwu]

to the p0rn bots that keep following my blog.

GO

AWAY

for tobey's sake bruh on jah your jiafei knockoff lookin party-sized forehead appearance onlyfans degenerate colleen ballinger edp445 lookin headahhs aint getting nowhere, you crusty as hell boi you lookin like andrea from lego friends fell off and got rotated in a microwave, you dirty asf boi i bet your father saw you tap dancing on a nokia cellphone while playing mario kart on an oujia board and hokey-pokey'd out of the house GURL you goofy ahh lookin like you smacked mickey mouse with a porcupine quill because he stole all the Swedish Fish from your pantry and did the fortnite default dance on him when he was knocked out YOU GOOFY UWUCUTESINGLE MINIONS you lookin like colleen ballinger's henchmen that was born from her ukelele and begged nikocado avocado for robux GOOFY HEADAHHHHHHHH

[pgaftrpar2ie]

Hoodwinked on OakPoint (2017)

Okay so #BOOM. Holdon lemme-

Set the Scene: October 2017, Bronx, New York, Halloween Night

Its my first time in #NewYork, I just turned 18 and my gurl @ the time had brought me tickets to go see #TRAVISSCOTT !! On #HALLOWEEN NIGHT!! @ the time i was the biggest Trav fan, truthfully idk if we were fighting at that time (we were always fucking fighting) but she #FISHERR looked out I will say that much.

PS: D****** would end up being my most #toxic love/relationship, which you'll begin to understand in later post. Anyways..

Lets put this into perspective. Im not a person that brags cause my family story started in a place of poverty. I love where im from, #PGCounty. Simply put-my family did everything the right way to get us out of that situation and that's the story I choose to tell. Now if you FROM THAT then you KNOWW #hood shit when you see it.

My biggest pet-peeve has to be: You was never raised in that environment but you swear you THINK you know how to move cause you not "scared". Then me "reading-and-reacting" gets confused for overthinking and being "pussy". So you think.

No. That?.. Her? Problematic.

So we get into the concert. Travis literally takes 1.30hr to come out with NO OPENER, or I dont remember. In the mist of his taking his sweet ass time-it was some niggas in that mf ready to shake the spot on bro. They was moving hella funny fr. They had secret lil call outs, matching Mocler's on and shit, it seemed like they was looking for somebody. They had these masks on like different animals type shit and im just lookin, watchin how they move. See, I was lookin too hard, lacking-just right behind me over my shoulder was a Monkey mask and a Moncler.. Damn. I got caught lookin by the same person ion want the attention of. Fuck it. Be cool, we cool. I think to myself.

My gurl on the other hand has no clue what the hell is happening, turns around, cusses the dude out for standing too close. Great.

Some "yeah, whatevers" and a couple "sound goods" were exchanged as I stepped in between them. Situation diffused. Problematic.

TRAVIS SCOTT IS ON THE STAGE. Im screaming, she screaming, everybody's pumped. Its great. Now if you ever survived the Rodeo you know there's no such thing as staying in one spot. if you not strong enough you WILL get pushed over. Its simple. So I got my gurl in one arm and the other hand recording/moshing, whatever. I held it down. In this moment there's actual #peace and #serenity. We not fighting, Travis Scott is flying on an eagle, were looking in each others eyes the whole time during #Drugs Like This, I almost loved her. So close.. Then she looses her purse. #OMFG. Money, ID, Social, phone, charger gone, all in the fucking purse. Why. UGHHHHH

First instinct, make my girl happy. I pull out my flashlight and point it at the floor, franticly moving people out the way and interrogating them at the same time. This somehow makes my gurl more unhappy. Problematic.

I look up and Zebra face, Moncler man got the fucking bag. He's literally looking back smiling as they walk through the doors of the warehouse. In between us there 2000 people, raging. Fuck

[desrac]

From what ive gathered online its lookin like this weeks hot topic is Beyonce goin on tour and pricing her concert tickets starting at $500? Thats what the girls are ranting about correct? Now A Beyonce tour isn’t really where Im putting my business this week but whats on my mind is the audacity and ridiculousness of this situation. Everyone is posting memes and making comments about having to skip their rent to get their coins together to be able to afford a B ticket, which is just silly. The internet has been going on for weeks about not even being able to afford the price hike of eggs and she has the audacity to charge like four weeks salary for middle class. 

Yea yea I get it, the production value of a Beyonce tour just goes up every year and her shows get bigger and bigger she’s a performer and gives the theatrics but dam are you really telling me she cant find producers to fund her over the top ideas? Instead she is forcing the girls to give up their rent money, bussy, and legs to see her for a couple hours?

Now I have no interest in attending a Beyonce concert and her newest album don’t concern me but whats bothering me is that this affects the bigger picture that Ive been seeing lately in the art and commerce world. Big companies and top artists destroying and building unhealthy standards that then become requirements that independent artists are expected to meet. A Beyonce ticket being $500 is only going to show other artists that they should steal as much as they can from their ‘fans’. Beyonce makes an album referencing ballroom culture, house music, and the gurls, yet pricing the show at silly ass numbers that cant no one afford without fucking up their monthly expenses....Zoooming out back into the art world these clients and companies expecting us to produce dover street quality while paying us wal-mart prices. They expecting us to make pitches and decks with references, that they aren't looking to reference but instead expect you to make an exact copy of what you are ‘referencing��, instead of adding any originality to it. Ive been on so many jobs where Im in the production stage and the clients are complaining or insisting that this doesn't look like the reference......ok are you serious? Did you not hire me for my style and direction????? nooo, you've hired me to reproduce the same recycled bullshit that we have all been regurgitating for the last 5 years and will forget about 10 minutes after viewers have liked the post and moved right on. Stylists are pulling from these corporate designers and then expecting independent designers to also deliver to them in the same capacity and pay them nothing for their work. You want deliverables in like a three day turn around but wont provide the funds for a team that can hand those over. Make-up and hair are paying thousands of dollars out of pocket beyond their fee and acting like its normal because thats what they've been doing. 

And the gag is all these independent artists are still taking on these jobs in desperation for work just feeding the whale so that it can turn into a shark. Theres a lot of demanding going on with no hands coming the other way and its its bad business.

[seer918]

Some Columbo lines I may use in a Columbo/Death Note crossover if I ever beat my writing anxieties down with a rake.

"Mm? Oh, I taught L a few things 'ere or there a whiles back. So when 'e asked me fer a favour, I thought it'd be a nice change a' pace...now while the methodology is outside a' my comfort zone an' this here handy dandy notebook from lord knows where is creepin' me out...well, Kira shouldn't get too comfy bein' a free man if you catch my cold. 'Sides, while my wife can't be with me on the case she's lookin' forward to all the gifts I'm bringin' back...speakin' of, you think it'd be rude to ask that Misa Misa down there fer an autograph or...?"

"Now dis Rem character, a uh...shiny gammy? Shinigami, my appologies, she was kinda sweet on that gurl Misa, yeh? Would do anything to help her, would even give her life to save 'er...of course, if someone were to say...create a scenario where Misa would die if L didn't well...It don't take a high school prodigy to see how the pieces fall inta place, now does it?"

"...God a'dis world, huh? That's what ya think ya are?...Look at you, so much brain in yer head ta make up fer the lack a'heart in yer chest. Coulda lived up to yer namesake kid, gotten a job in politics an' tried ta make a real difference, really Light up the future...now, yer either gonna rot in jail or I get ta bring ya to the states with me to get more chemicals pumped inta ya than a babe ruth...Some God you turned out ta be, Mr Yagami..."

[asktheplethaura]

If Only , If Only - Unicorn Wars Fanfiction

(((Chapter Nineteen)))

((I looked her up and down and said 'gurl you're lookin' fine', then she pulled out a p3n!s that was twice the size of mine.))

~~

Just before the bigger bear could actually slam the weapon down onto Azulin- there was a loud clang and the large sergeant went falling to the side- knocked out. The big body landing in the grass right next to Azulin, who was finally gaining some color back in his face.

A coughing fit soon followed, his body curling into itself as he put his shaking hands down on the dried grass- looking up to see Gordi standing there with one of the saucepans that Azulin had used earlier- a firm look on his face, despite how much he was trembling. "Azulin... you better... get to explaining why you drugged all of us and came up here..." 

The blue bear had not known what to say at this point. What could he blame? He had to make it look believable. He needed to somehow get this situation to work out, especially if he was going to continue trying to fix everything for everyone's sake.

The bigger, pink bear looked highly disappointed- as well as flushed due to the stunned silence from the crowd. Gordi, by nature, was not seen as remotely violent or willing to harm anyone. So, upon knocking out the large bear over his brother- it was hard to process. 

Azulin sat up, holding his hand over his throat as he looked around at all the stern, expectant faces. Much like a child would be scorned by their parents for getting caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

His blue eyes seemed to always find themselves averting- trying to avoid all of the confrontation and sour looks. 

He wasn't intimidated by them, they were normal- so what was so different about being scorned now? Judged and analyzed? Was it because, this time around, he found himself caring about what they needed to say about him? He did care, but even so, you would imagine such things he was used to not being as much of an impact or resonating within him as much as it had due to the circumstances.

"You've been acting suspicious ever since you hit your head before looking into that mirror. We came on this bullshit hike and next thing you know, you end up turning yourself into some strange kind of messed-up prophet.  Something has been up with you since the start and now that you are expected to say something that isn't one of your crazy, dangerous shenanigans- you have yet to say a word." Sargento walked over to Azulin, his piercing eyes gnawing into him, causing Azulin to avoid eye contact

Azulin looked away, unable to tell whether or not he was feeling shame or stubborn. Either way, he kept his mouth shut, eyes never leaving the ground. All of the other bears started to whisper around them, their voices growing louder and louder.

"Azulin- he is accusing you of first-degree treason! That is punishable by them! You may lose your position, get removed in your entirety or you could end up disappearing like the last guy did. Don't be a damn idiot!" Gordi frantically grabbed his brothers coat, tearing up as he tried to maintain his composure. "I don't want to have to put you in in the damn ground.."

Former soldiers went missing all the time. Especially if there was a concern among the three major generals. 

They made sure other soldiers had disappeared before. Never to be seen or heard from again.

However, who was going to prove that? It only took one nights worth of sleeping units or bears too afraid to talk to let someone's undeniable death slide by under the covers. Because speaking up wasn't enough. It never was, and the grimly frightened obedience of young soldiers was utilized to the full extent for exploitation.

In their world, civilians and soldiers were both guided than the Military. Even if there were bands of bears specifically put in charge of the town, they were probably connected to the generals somehow.

Despite all of his mental ramblings about thoughts related to the possibility of ending up dead, Azulin had actually processed what Gordi had said to him. The pink bear was still tearing up, paws on his shoulder with a firm grasp. 

Gordi had proclaimed he didn't want to put his younger sibling in the ground, and the blue sibling proclaimed that he would be fine going in the ground, as long as the others were alive after this venture. This claim was silent, but clear as can be. However, he needed to make his intentions clear to the rest of them. 

Steadying his breathing, he stood up, not bothering to dust himself off. 

"If I die, I die." Azulin closed his eyes. "Yes, I was near the unicorns. I wandered out here to find this camp- having seen this somewhere in my psyche before I actually got here. I followed my gut, on a whim and encountered the unicorns upon a path, leading up to the clearing. All we did was stare at each other, I didn't make moves to attack- how could I? I wouldn't have been able to move properly." Azulin started to stare down at the ground "There was no confrontation. They healed me and left."

All of the bears seemed to gasp a bit at the prospect of healing, before falling to silence again. 

Azulin sunk down to his knees and looked up at all of them, his expression was unreadable. He just fell flat-faced, watching as the big bear that had been knocked down a couple minutes ago got back up- not hit hard enough to be down for a long amount of time. This lead to the big sergeant immediately getting aggressive with Azulin, though. 

The second he saw him again, the big bear got aggressive and immediately grabbed the smaller blue bear by the face. 

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't rip you apart."

A hand on his shoulder stopped him. 

"Killing a soldier without the say of a higher authority will ruin your reputation, and you will be stripped of your title, and place in the camp." 

Sargento glared at the bigger bear, his light yellow eyes piercing through the other's. 

"We are going to return to the Love Camp, and we are going to take him with us as a prisoner. An apt punishment will be dealt when we get there." 

The bigger Sergeant seemed to contemplate this- before bearing his teeth at Azulin and walking ahead. "Don't just stand there, then. Secure him."

All of the troupe members in Sargento's group went to argue with with verdict- save for Padre who still had a look of disapproval.

Azulin was the only other bear not freaking out- his eyes distant as he stared at the ground- nearly appearing to have already given up.

"We are going to let the journey decide his fate."

((To Be Continued))

[rawrmeansilyindinosawr]

Creamy 11:11

i Saw someone carrying a tree trunk at 14th square union n Soy gay. :-] i think im a crime detective from a weird thingy that happened 7 wks ago i kant talk ab online cuz ill get the eebeegeebeez. Alll i kan say is dat iz if someone seys they hav a steak n it iz a hunk of meet it probz means they r loco 4 coco puffz . but BASICALLYZZ. i thought i saw a ded bodie wiff my fwendz this week n then we went to tha police tht said it was jus a mannequin . So ima fight whoever fuked up FIT student / parsons fashion student did dis. Cuz im happi no one died but holy shiet i kant take back the 24 hours i wuz freaking out n depressed n lookin up NYPDz twitter account for missing pplz . N legal ritez for anonymous tippers cuz i not tryna lose mi job or B interrogateD cuz like Im a scared poc dyke!!!!!!!!!! N ive always imagined myself gettin so anxious on a lie detector test tht id like somehow start admitting tht i committedd some crime out of psychological fragility tht id just end up gettin moiself arrested . Also didn’t obv wanna call police cuz like i wanna protect unhoused people in my community cuz where we were adventuring we imagined therewere def ppl living there. Whatevs. I don wanna b a hero anymore. im DONE.!!

i Fell down the stairs n i Think i brok my arm !!!!! i blame mi fwendz New rockz platform but. Tis okie . i has limited mobility rite meow . Physical pain hit diff cuz it’s just so shocking . Idk how i used to think i was invincible when i wuld get new piercings every week n not feel a thing or when i wuz a fucked up punk teen i wuld ask to get black eyez on triple C’s . Now im just a pussy bitch!!

i Saw someone carrying a tree trunk at 14th square union n Soy gay. :-] i think im a crime detective from a weird thingy that happened 7 wks ago i kant talk ab online cuz ill get the eebeegeebeez. Alll i kan say is dat iz if someone seys they hav a steak n it iz a hunk of meet it probz means they r loco 4 coco puffz . but BASICALLYZZ. i thought i saw a ded bodie wiff my fwendz this week n then we went to tha police tht said it was jus a mannequin . So ima fight whoever fuked up FIT student / parsons fashion student did dis. Cuz im happi no one died but holy shiet i kant take back the 24 hours i wuz freaking out n depressed n lookin up NYPDz twitter account for missing pplz . N legal ritez for anonymous tippers cuz i not tryna lose mi job or B interrogateD cuz like Im a scared poc dyke!!!!!!!!!! N ive always imagined myself gettin so anxious on a lie detector test tht id like somehow start admitting tht i committedd some crime out of psychological fragility tht id just end up gettin moiself arrested . Also didn’t obv wanna call police cuz like i wanna protect unhoused people in my community cuz where we were adventuring we imagined therewere def ppl living there. Whatevs. I don wanna b a hero anymore. im DONE.!!

my ex gf from 2020 who was a life long lesbian is trying to b bisexual w my roommates de transitioning situation ship (they them de transitioning to he him) N the person who did Tha Spotify wrapt graphics made me hummus from scratch once n gav me head. And it wuz mid.

A goth gurl yelled at meh asking for ear muffs where i werk n i liked it. another goth girl introduced herself to meh as her sign n pan sexuality n i sed i like woks too . Secwet pour wuz fun n i met a “12 yr old person in a 27 yr old body “who had 5 diff insta accounts n a black eye n his insta bio was www.lanadelrey.com for all 5 accounts . Sameziez. Lana del rey is soooo hot and i want to b shooka shooka how now take my body downtown . I kant wait for baby jesus tree day cuz ima be wiff my fam in la and my bestie soulmate lily Cuz Im done crying im so done feeling not enough n stupid and reserved. i realize sometimes i laff sm n joke sm cuz i rly rly rly rly jus wanna cry. i hav accepted conflict is part of life n relationships tho.

My chiron n venus n mars r in scorpio n idk if my bad luck or feeling of being misunderstood will ever leave meh. Nihilism approaches me in a beautifully wrapped gift package n i confront it everyday with the self restraint to not touch the ribbonz.

My pattern app tells meh i yam here on earth to bring ppl happiness n laughter . But i wanna b on earth to get Fucked n eat hotpot . Moi therapist says i’m selfless . But i need to b selfish n address my vagimismis so i kan hav 4 somes with my bestie . :-[ Whut else r fwendz for.

Sometimes when i feel really sad i take the wrong direction home n sit on the train watching the way it passes thru the tunnels . Its mostly accidental . Cuz mi heads in a million directions n even tho my body remembers the way that i should go and which direction downstairs uptown is and which direction upstairs downtown is ……. on the wkends the subways r always messed up. Wiff the Q and the R running where the N line usually does , and the L being broken . N replacement buses and shuttles . Im just exhausted . N still don’t feel like im catching up w as much melatonin induced sleepful nites n adderal filled tweakerish days where im running around doing a million things n still don’t wear out . Im feeling so protective over what i own and what i know

I don’t know why it hurts so badly. And I want to be whole hearted and sincere so badly that i am willing to put all my heart and all my hurt in all of my relationships. i see everyone around me as people ive chosen to go deep with. Like oceans, like deep taverns. like an adventure.and with each journey we spend together, it accumulates time and time ends up being nonexistent. i love deeply, and i love hard. there is a profound love i find that surpasses irony and excuse when i love others and that love makes me love myself. Every time I give, I am bearing and subjecting myself to the weight of love. every time i smile or ask “how are you?” or “do you need anything?” or “do you feel safe?” it is out of wanting others to feel filled. i think hurt and pain and hate and love share the same excuses and for that, i think they need the same pardoning. so i will wipe the crumbs off of my lips, excuse myself from the dining table. every memory of all those i have kept dear to me are as lockets dangling around my heart. ifear to lose it so I’ll hold on tight. i don’t wanna imagine days where we share different toothpaste we fall slumber in different paths embracing each other in a different sun light .

Lost the rest of this on my old blog …. :(

renny <\3

[rzyraffek]

Bruh I got this idea in my head that y/n is getting bullied/scared by some asshole and due to being spooked she hides behind slasher. Slasher is probably confused af. Request open

Yeah anyways how slashers would react:

Tw: y/n isnt very smart, begging(not tw, more just cringe warning), death(not y/n, only bully)

Collector:

Head tilt, kinda confused, He probably was watching this whole argument (somone yelling at y/n) from shadows few minutes already, untill he decided to go in and end this little stupid game of theirs.

When he went in to the room y/n was in, the last thing he expected was her running to hide behind him, being visibly more scared of some normal looking person than some scary guy in mask.

Well thats cute, little butterfly like you, hugging his back, begging to be protected? So cute. Well he wont keep the lady waiting, pests like this bully of yours dont deserve to be in his collection anyways, so why live?

Quick stabs in stomach and neck will do the thing. Now what to do with y/n, well she is terryfied but its difficult to say if shes scared because of Asa deadly activities or the person that was just killed

If y/n decides to thank him for saving, he will probably🤨🤨🤨 kinda confused, like gurl you realise that you are prolly next? Tbh this gratitude probably saved her, because he is now very intresed in her, and will gladly 'invite' her to his nasty as lookin hotel place hideout

Billy Lenz:

He probably already knew shes bullied by her roomate, he is known to stalk people

He does not like the attitude they give her, not at all, of course He is a bab person and serial killer ect, but he is horny aswell and He has crush on any breathing women in 100meter radius, so obviously idea of his little crush being bullied makes him angry

He probably come out from attic just to steal some food and the cat(billy cat person) when he heard shouting, he recognise voice, its that bitch that is being mean to y/n. Billy being Billy tried to sneak and watch yall argue

Y/n probably sees him in corner of room and thought that its one of girls she lives with(Fic takes place in the same place as movie) so she went to him grabbed him and went"🥺shes mean to me again😭"

He will be flabagastered, a f e m a l e just touch him??? Consensually?? And asked for help?? Well now He doesnt crush you anymore, he loves you now. Will stab the bully for you honey. How could they treat you like that?

Will hug you and say some billy-level unholy stuff

Micheal Myers:

He is probably more confused than y/n and her bully together. Ayo human touch? Ayo some girl begging him? To kill somone??? Oh boy thats a lot to take in🤯

I mean win win, he gets kill, she gets rid of bully.

If y/n decides to thank him he will have error, noone really did it before? I mean it doesnt change anything but its still kinda noice? He wont kill her, but will stalk her atferwards, and maybe kidnap yoink her.

Thomas Hewitt:

Well guess who is the dinner today!

Y/n was probably on trip with her 'friends' and one of them acted rather dry and mean >:(

Thomas would probably notice fast, they didnt try to help her, and even said something along the lines "take her not me you monster!" Overall not slay person

He will feel bad but not to point to spare her 🙄 but when she litteraly hide behind him? Da killer? She more scared of her friends than guy who wants to eat her?? Well damn kinda felt bad for her

He would let y/n leave hause, but because he doenst want her to call police, he'll probably just yeet her in basement untill he figures out what to do with her (dont worry shes not next dinner, he will try to convince Luda to keep you. 🥺I got this cute little fella in my basement can I keep her🥺)

[suckmybigtoeoikawa]

Hui, can you please do a Suna x black reader where they do a TikTok trend together please ?

OFC I WAS ACTUALLY THINKING OF DOING ONE NGL (fem reader)

Start song:

Suna

Tik tok your doing: Calling him your friend

You and Suna were on your way to a friends house. He didn’t really know who the friend was he just knew that it was one of your close friends. Of course he was skeptical but this was all just apart of the plan 😛.

“Babe, what time should we be there?” He asks

“Uhm, we should leave in like the next 5 minutes, we’re supposed to be there by like 5:15”

“Okay, I’m excited to meet this friend of yours” he smiles and walks off

Meanwhile you look at the camera and smile like a punk 😏

You text one of your friends and tell them to call you, prior to this you warned them about the prank you were doing.

You had another phone (if you don’t just act like you do ✨imagination✨) and kind of hid it by your side so that it wouldn’t be visible to Suna, but you could still record.

“Suna, are you ready?!?” You yell

“Yeah Im coming” he makes his way towards you and your phone starts to ring, this is all when you start recording.

“Hey, yeah we’re on our way...mmhmm... also I hate to bring this up at the last moment,” you say on the phone

Suna was on his phone but when he heard “at the last moment” it grabbed his attention

“But I’m bringing along a friend”

WEE 🚨WOO🚨 WEE 🚨WOO 🚨WEE 🚨WOO

WAS HE HEARING THAT RIGHT?!?!?

WAS HIS EARS DECEIVING HIM?!??!

He puts down his phone and just looks at you:

😐😑😐

“Yeah, okay, I’m sorry next time I’ll warn you, yeah, okay bye see you” to sell off the prank you kissed the phone goodbye (yk where they be having those smooching sounds before they hand up 💀)

Suna is : distraught

He’s looking at you literally like this ^

“Babe”

“Yes, Honey?”

In his mind he was thinking: How are you gonna call me your friend but then call me honey after

He was angry, he was so angry he didn’t see the phone his vision was blurred.

“Babe, I don’t wanna go”

“Why not?”

“you just called me your friend to someone I don’t know.. I don’t even know that person.. I don’t want them going around thinking your single”

“Babe”

He just walked off,

“WAIT WAIT ITS A PRANK HOLD ON NOO”

....

He just looked at you, you showed him the phone and everything you called your friend back and eve now your friend explained everything too

But all he did was just stared at you.. so much loud silence it was scary 🧍🏾‍♀️

“Y/n, count your seconds” he says

gurl you better start running

Comments:

THICKBICKRINO: Chile, the way he was lookin at her scared me thru the phone ngl ❤️

Amanda Waters: omg help ❤️

JuicyAss.com: where y’all finding these men at 🧍‍♀️ ❤️

Tsukishima

Your tik tok: The clogged toilet prank

Honey... you were so scared to do this prank 🧍🏾‍♀️

Tsukishima is very judgmental, even when he’s not trying like he just wakes up and says this type of shit ✋🏾

Like one time you were laughing a like to hard and farted in front of him and he pushed you off the bed, grabbed a mask and then some febreze.

Dude acting like he don’t fart in his sleep stfu ✋🏾

But this just takes it a step further, but you were so ready to see his reactionnnn

You were hanging out at his house and you announced you had to go to the bathroom

“Okay just don’t blow up the bathroom”

Oh imma give you a bomb alright.. a sugar bomb 😏

Before the prank you went to a store and got some hot chocolate packets and ordered some fart spray, you spent some time in the bathroom, selling the look that you were talking a shit.

But really you were just preparing the disaster 😃

You spent so much time in there he had to check on you

“*knock* *knock* y/n are you melting the walls in there?”

“No, Tsukki”

“Okay” you hear him walk off and you decide to make your way out, but before leaving you spray some fart spray

This was your time to ✨Shine✨

“Tsukki” you say so smol 😞 and looking down at your feet (💀💀)

“..., what happened?”

“Uhm ya see, your uhm,, your bathroom” you look up at him

Tsukki is: disgusted

“You took the tiles off the floor didn’t you” he says plain as ever

“Uhm yeah, and I clogged the toilet”

😐😑😐

He gets up so calmly and before he leaves the room he just looks at you.. and then leaves to go to the bathroom

A few seconds past and the you hear: “WHAT THE FUCK-“

Anxiety 📈📈📈

He comes back over to you, eyes popping out his sockets

“You cleaning what ever that was up”

“NOO”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO, Y/N, DO YOU REALIZE YOU MADE A WHOLE NEW CREATURE IN THERE?!?!”

“Tsukki, omg it’s a prank😩” you finally say

“....”

“....”

“YOUR STILL CLEANING THAT UP, AND JF YOU WANNA USE THE BATHROOM GO OUTSIDE”

“NIGGA WHAT?!?”

Comments:

TearUpThat🐱: AWW NAHH HE TREATING YOU LIKE A DOG ❤️

DINOWHORES: MELTING THE WALLS OMG ❤️

TheOfficalKarasuno: BAHANANANJ MAKE HIM CLEAN IT SUFFER TSUKISHIMA SUFFER ❤️

********

I hoped you enjoyed it 💀

End song:

MasterList

I hope you enjoyed it 🤍 Please Like, comment what you think and follow 🤍 have a great day 🤍

[fr-msfrh]

Junoflo | Statues album - unboxing video

BGM : Yung Luchini / Bibi Interlude

Here u go as promised. I tried editing it on the clock app.

Ok storytime.

So I had the opportunity to attend Juno’s meet n greet & club show. The m&g session was kinda brief for the attendees were about 30 people. Met some fans who were really nice. I do agree when the other fans said sg needs more khh fans 😃.

Juno mentioned it was his first time in Singapore. He’s in the talks for the production of vinyls for the 222:am album 👀👀 /he better make it available to ship to sg lol bc whats the point then/ He is really chill & easy to talk to, down to earth. DJ Dwoo who came w him on this trip. He is so cute irl pls his ig dun do him justice. They had a fansign where he brought some statues album to give out to the fans. I brought my own copy which I had bought a few years back.

Just feel like the management for the m&g could’ve been better. The staff are not very engaging. Like there was a quick q&a session which fans can ask juno anything and they were just lookin at one another lol. Same thing happened during the mini game session; everyone was too shy to participate. The attendees are already so little, and most of them were shy/dun wanna interact much. Dun ask me why, idk either. Like juno is right in front of yr eyes like theres not even a security detail around him gurl im not evn joking. Ok mayb there was security but the fans were too well behaved, security wasnt needed tbh 😄

There could’ve been more activities planned for them e.g. radio show or podcast or youtube contents. There’s like 1 video <link> from the organiser summarising the whole 2 day event. I could spot my face a few times in it 🫣 my infp ass need 2 months to recover from all the interactions i did on those 2 days.

As for the club show, of course theres normal club bouncers & security staff. There were some local acts opening for him which I’m not very familiar with but they brought in the vibe. Juno’s set was fyeee 🔥🔥🔥 he did perf 1 unreleased song which ill post them if anyone wanna see/listen u can pm me here or anon inbox is open as well.

Dwoo’s set was littttt its got mixed with throwback songs which i fw so much. He was having sm fun evn overrun his set 😜😜. They hang ard until like 2.30 ish. My bestie got serenaded by juno bijjj if anyone has a recording of her /she wore a pink dress/ pls send it to me. I was too shoooook to move when it was happening lmao.

They were right behind us when we left the club. So my bestie & I just went to said our goodbyes to them. They are the sweetest i swearrrr 🥺🫶🏻

[bunsblr]

Tu... torial? Pt. 3

Welcome back to part 3 of my tutorial for anon. In this I will go over perhaps my favourite part - the face. Did you used doodle eyes in your notebook when you were in school? This has the same energy.

This is where things get a little harder to explain because it involves a lot of drawing. I hope you get the general idea though.

Open this in dashboard for best view of the screenshots.

Disclaimer: I have no formal training for any kind of graphics stuff, I work in an office as a receptionist - I serve coffee for a living. I am absolutely self taught and while I consider myself pretty comfortable with photoshop, that doesn’t mean that there isn’t about a gazillion of other things that can be done that I have no idea about. There are people far superior than me in the Sims community. This is just how I do it, with techniques I have picked up through the years. Some things I go over in these will be pretty basic, some things a little more unorthodox. Disclaimer 2: My edits take time. This is what I do to relax, one edit takes several hours for me. Sometimes days :))) Disclaimer 3: My photoshop is in Swedish, which is my first language. I tried my best to find the English translations for every step that I do.

Tools used: The Sims 4, Adobe Photoshop 2020, One by Wacom Pen Tablet (very basic and unfancy).

I start by adding a new empty layer in my Sim layer group, above my base Sim layer.

I use the smudge tool (I always keep my smudge tool on Strength around 30%) on the Sim layer to smudge and soften the eye whites a bit. I only redraw my sim's eyes if I'm changing the direction that they´re lookin, otherwise I just refine the existing eyes. In this case I didn't want her eyes quite as far left as they were. On my Details layer, I use the brush tool, hard small brush with opacity around 70-80%, and start drawing the eyes a little bit further to the right.

I realized I wanted the eye whites to be even whiter, so I added a new layer inbetween the Sim layer and the Details layer. Using a soft brush with lower opacity (29%) I go over the eye whites. The lower opacity allows me to build up the color by going over multiple times, creating a better blend. I then merge this new layer with the Details layer because there’s no reason for having these on separate layers going forward.

I turn the opacity of the brush tool back up and continue to draw the eyes. At this point they're looking rather creepy...

But looking much better after some added dots of “shine” with a white color (not full on white, slightly muddier)

I turn down the opacity of the brush again, take a soft brush and a dark grey color and go around the whole eye to add some shadow.

Turn up the opacity of the brush again (I know it’s a lot of back and forth with this, it’s just how I work) and work around the eyes. I clean up the make up and add some lashes. I also add some dept to the eyebrows using a slightly darker color than the existing strands and draw in some new ones here and there.

Time to clean up the nose (eeeew). I start with the Smudge tool on the sim layer, strength around 15-20%, and smudge the pixels a little.

On the details layer, I clean up the nose further by drawing in the nostrils a bit, and even out the colors around and on the nose, picking up color with the eyedrop tool and going over with a low opacity brush wherever I think the color is a little uneven.

With the lips I sharpen the shape, add some highlights on the top of the lipline, clean up the corners of the mouth, redraw the teeth and add those squiggly circles on the top and bottom lip. They look a bit weird up close but zoomed out it will look glosssssy :) I pick up existing colors on the lip with the eyedrop tool and work with both lower opacity soft brushes and higher opacity hard brushes here.

Now I feel happy with the face details. Here is a comparison of the face before and after. A little bit cleaner and smoother now!

Time to throw some shade. I always start under the chin (because for some reason that's the most fun). I create a new layer in the Sim group, name it shadows, and I use the pen tool again and make a path along the jawline, sectioning off the neck from the face. I went over the basics of using the pen tool in pt 1. This is.…may be an unortodox way to do it. I'm sure a lot of people would see this as an unecessary tricky step. It is however my favorite way of doing it.

I made two paths for this first work area. Meaning I first made a full path on the neck above the necklace, closed that path and then started a new one below the necklace to include the chest area where the skin is showing (separating it from the clothes). When both my paths were closed I pressed ctrl + Enter to turn them both into selections at the same time. As you can see I didn’t bother following the “edge” of the sim, you will see why later.

I eyedrop a color from a darker area of her skin, then I choose a darker, more saturated color in the palette that comes up.

I use a big soft brush with opacity around 30%. I start to build up the shadow under the chin, with more color right under the jawline and less further out. This is where my pen tool selection comes to good use, it keeps the jawline nice and sharp even though I'm using a soft brush to get the fading effect on other parts of the shadow. As we already decided, the light comes from the left in this picture, thus the chin shadow ends up to the right. I use a smaller brush to go around the clothing line, and under the necklace. The tighter the clothes, the smaller the shadow.

 I noticed the neck was lighter on the very side of the neck, and that interferes with my shadow. Now of course I could go over with the shadow color a couple of more times in that spot, but I prefer to correct the color on the base Sim layer instead for a more even result. So I hide the shadow layer, eyedrop the slightly darker area on the neck (and keep it this time).

It's important to keep the selection while I do this, so I don't paint over something else. You could put this on another layer and just erase if you accidentally go over something you're not supposed to, but since I already have the selection I can just put it on the base Sim layer. I brush over the area a couple of times until the color is how I want it.

While I am at it I also thought the chest area is a little too white and colorless. This often happens on my sim pictures if I’m using a sim with lighter skin. Again I eyedrop a darker color of the skin, but this time I choose a more vibrant version of the color to avoid muckyness when I go over the white.

I set the opacity of the brush to super low and then very carefully go over the whiter areas of the chest a couple of times, avoiding the areas where there are details such as collarbones or cleavage.

I make the Shadow layer visible again and deselect. Now you see how I have painted a little outside the skin area on the neck, because I didn’t follow the edge of the sim with my selection? I quickly fix that by holding Alt and grabbing the layer mask from the base Sim layer, and dropping it onto the Shadow layer.

Now these two layers have the same layer mask! And it's time to bring out the pen tool again, and make a path around the face.

With the face selected I start painting my face shadows. I put shadow on the side of the face that´s away from our imaginary light source.

I paint shadows under any hair that covers the face, and add a shadow on the side of the nose that´s facing away from the light. This usually takes me a couple of tries to get right, like this here wasn’t it...

I use a 30something % opacity on my brush and then 30something % opacity on a soft eraser brush and go back and forth with these until I get a nice blend.

Got the nose shadow looking decent, and add a little shadow in the eye… socket?… closest to the nose. I make sure that this doesn´t go over the eye itself and interferes with any colors there. I want to keep the eyes clear.

I deselect. Now we´ve got some little flaws here and there because my selection didn’t line up perfectly. I blend these with the smudge tool.

Better!

Looking fine gurl!

As I mentioned it’s a little hard to explain some steps, like the eyes and the lips, because it is just drawing until I like the result. I hope you find this useful though, and please send me an ask if you’re wondering about anything!

[tsuki-sennin]

Itadakimasu~! Time for another great Sunday lunch with our Cure friends~! Today I'm having a couple slices of leftover pizza. And what a crap pizza it is. Very flat and floppy, the cheese is all off, the pepperoni is weak... I don't even know who made it, the box it came in just said "Pizza!" And let me tell you, microwaving it just made me real sad.

Anyways, Spoilers, I guess...

-Chururin, the world's deadliest serial killer.

-CureSta seems a lot less terrible than the real thing, I tell you what.

-Wǒ ài lāmiàn~! I'd argue that the professional kind is worth moving straight to the Far East for.

-Mem-Mem,,,

-Member's Only Churro Kururun Glutten Free Meme Dragon.

-Hanamichi~! Good to see you.

-That's a whole-ass panda.

-I rarely order ramen from actual restaurants, and I'm personally more of an udon kinda guy anyway, but last year, I ordered a bowl of noodles from a semi-local sushi place with shio broth, bamboo shoots, spinach, a whole boiled egg, and some narutomaki. Now I'm told that the perfect compliment to any perfectly crafted bowl of noodles is a beer, but I couldn't buy any at the time, so...

-Yui Nagomi, a connoisseur fluent in the art of noodle.

-Ran's dad lookin' pretty DILF-y, ngl. Kinda looks like Tao Pai Pai from Dragon Ball though. Makes sense, considering Toei Animation, but...

-The passion in the art of fine cuisine is nothing to be ashamed of.

-Ramen Fairy~! They bring

-Chururin~!

-Mari-chan, she's already seen the Recipeppi, I don't think covering poor Mem-Mem's gonna do much.

-Oyone :O

-Do ALL the old people in this town know each other?

-Act natural, Mem-Mem. Ran won't suspect a thing.

-Panda Get!

-Dwagon...

-Oh yeah, there's a ton of fairies! Mermaids too! And aliens, and time travel! Robots too!

-Ran's got poise!

-The power of love for cuisine...

-God, Gentle is like... peak character design.

-And yes, I'm calling her Gentle. "Jentoru" is that word written in katakana, Gentlu is a stupid romanization, Crunchyroll sucks, moving on.

-I guess they wouldn't show up in a public library, even in a food-devoted town like this.

-PRESIDENT AMANE IS GENTLE :O

-I mean, it's not that big a twist, considering how similar their designs are, but damn.

-...Cure Gentle confirmed?

-We're having a sale~!

-Working for a day, huh?

-Damn, I've got a hankerin' for ramen now. Even the cheap stuff feels like a gentle mid-summer kiss if you use the right ingredients!

-Ramen Musume. Coming soon to HiDive.

-Mem-Mem said "Peace out, yo."

-We're gonna share an asswhoopin!

-He go zoom.

-Oh man, I just realized. It's not just the food that suffers, it's business too!

-Beat 'em up, Ram!

-Ohhhhhh, bringin' up the price. That's cruel.

-Oh c'mon Mari, she's been working all day and has been getting tossed around for like five minutes. She's earned a big fuck-off bowl of premium ramen.

-Yeeeeeah, that's right Mari! Kokone too!

-Hanyaaaa~!

-Fuck 'em up, sweetie!

-Get 'er!

-Daaaamn, Mem-Mem got some fire!

-Mega sized rarity!

-Yum-Yum Dragon! Are you ready? Wake up burning! Get Yum-Yum Dragon! Yeah~!

-Cure Yum-Yum is the funniest and cutest goddamn name I've ever heard.

-Ohhhh, she got slashes!

-Traingles, Circles, and now Lines... Geometry.

-Well, two seems like the minimum Cure number, so...

-They're all together now!

-Yui-pyon~! Koko-pi~! Yep, definitely OT3 material.

-Marippe~!

-Our gurl is an influencer! ...I sure hope she doesn't find herself in cancellation range.

-Mmm... pineapple juice. Great for immune system health and heart rates.

-A tour of the town, huh? That sounds like a great time! I hope nothing wacky or uncharacteristic happens~!

-Man, PreCure towns just seem like the best place to be in the world, no matter the season, huh? ...the travel blog potential must be incredible.

-Alright, I uh... wound up getting a real hankerin' for some ramen, but I'll be coming back later today for Revice content! Probably over dinner, judging by the way my schedule currently looks right now.

[the-wardrobeintocamelot]

911 LS - A Little Help From My Friends - Liveblogging Pt. III

"What happened to your house?" "Oh. It blew up." SO CASUAL. THIS IS NOT A CASUAL EVENT MATEO.

Tommy reppin' with the braided pigtails.

"She won't stray more than 10 feet from that couch." OH GOD. GRACE. WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? ARE YOU AT THE FUCKING GROCERY STORE. IN FULL MAKE-UP AND LOOKIN CUTE AF TOO. GURL. YOU'RE GONNA DROP DOWN DEAD IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS PARKING LOT.

EW. THAT CRACKING NOISE. OH DEAR GOD GRACE.

Also the way Judd always calls her "girl."

Grace you're going to get in another fucking car accident if you try to drive home in this condition!

Oh honey. Don't eat it out of the lid. This is peak sadness. XD

"126 you're on an open channel." OH GOD. Y'ALL ARE A BUNCH OF NUMPTIES.

I mean... this kid doesn't really seem in that much danger... he's sitting down and he's close to the wall. He's not close to the edge of the roof and there's a second roof hanging below that looks like it would break his fall if he did roll off... The mom could have just climbed out the window too...

OWEN. THIS IS NOT CHILD APPROPRIATE TALK.

This kid literally just realized he's not as depressed as this grown ass man and that Owen is his future if he doesn't get the fuck down from this roof. BAHAHAHA.

6 HOURS!? GRACE RYDER YOU DID NOT.

"Well way to give a pep talk, T." LOL.

I'm not religious but I do love how much faith these people have and how they can pull from the Bible and find inspiration from it in times of need.