#look they either banged or married or both while drunk and i will accept no other possibilities

[krysmcscience]

I have some questions about karaoke night, Alex Hirsch. Very Important Questions. Which I will happily scream at a poor hapless baby triangle who can have no answers for me, and possibly also does not have object permanence yet.

Follow-up that is I guess suggestive, but let's be real here, Bill's a fucking triangle:

Dude slipped right into his birthday suit, lmao

this is so stupid :D

Anyway, I don't care what anyone says, this brilliant individual knows what's up - Bill is absolutely way more of a monsterfucker than Ford could or ever will be, full stop.

[infinitegalahad]

RAY IN THE BATHROOM

Summary: Ray is hiding in a bathroom and has a panic attack over the fact that his only real friend and the love of his life has (supposedly) left him for Brad.

Word-Count: 2.1k

Warnings: References of suicidal thoughts, ptsd, and severe anxiety. Brad is a semi-asshole. Hop on the angst train (with fluff at the end!)

A/N: I was listening to Be More Chill because let's just say that I can heavily relate to Micheal In The Bathroom due to recent events in my life. So then again, what better way to cope then using my biggest kin, Ray Person, in a totally not self indulgent fic?? Also as for the prompt requests-i'm working on them! Sorry, school has been bad. I'm keeping a promise to myself to release at least once a a week and I'm on a gen kill rampage. Idk what else to add so enjoy!

Taglist: @theboardwalkbody

Masterlist | Send In A Prompt!

Ray doesn’t expect himself to be hanging in the bathroom at their first year reunion. But instead of “hanging”, he’s hiding. Those emotions that never come out are now coming back to haunt him. Ray knows he can't hide behind a shit eating grin and sunglasses. He leaned up against the tub inside of the cramped room, his sunglasses tucked into the neck of his polo as tears sting his eyes.

Ray’s legs felt numb and he knows if he looks into the mirror and sees his flushed face and eyes, he won’t be able to conceal his crying. He’s not able to go back outside and would prefer to fake pee or just check his phone in the bathroom.

“C’mon brah!” Q-tip whined like a child, crossing his legs. “This hurts like a butt cheek on a stick”

“You can’t come in!” Ray yelled as he held back a sob, “The little man is going. Suck it up, buttercup.”

Q-tip had been knocking on the door for over ten minutes before giving up and choosing to pee outside. Ray let out a shaky sigh and fell onto the thin side of the bathtub, biting his lip and he batted his wet eyes with his palms.

Ray and y/n had been an unexpected trio. Partners in crime, double trouble, you went well together despite their differences. You were an educated college student and he was a whiskey tango mess who couldn’t shut his mouth for the life of it. You cried, laughed, and did everything together. Little known to y/n, Ray didn’t have a crush on her-but he was more than in love.

However, when Ray is having severe social anxiety, an event he would typically rely on y/n to help him with, his “partner in crime” falls short. Ray knows that y/n is light years better than him. Here was the smartest and most beautiful woman he had met next to a college dropout who didn’t make it past Geometry.

Now the “perfect pair” is severed, leaving one half alone in the bathroom.

Ray’s forgotten how long he’s been in the bathroom for. These types of events always felt forced, and everyone knew that. Whenever that awkwardness would arise, Ray and y/n would choose to ditch and steal a few beers and sit in the bathtub, watching an obscure eighties film in the dark, cramped room with Ray’s god awful commentary.

But even though Ray has Born American downloaded, he can’t bring himself to watch it. Now he’s laying in the bathtub, picking at grout as he softly grieves. He’s hiding in there while y/n is ignoring all of their history.

Ray first arrived at the party, making a dramatic entrance. He made sure everybody knew that he was there, especially y/n. His original plan was to wear a purple tux he had snatched from walamrt since it was ugly as fuck, and Ray knew that. But knowing that you were going to be there, Ray made an attempt with an expensive navy polo and khaki shorts, courtesy of Nate.

Upon seeing you, Ray ran over from whatever he was doing to talk to you. Whether you were OD’S or a casual jumpsuit, you looked dead drop gorgeous-and Ray never knew how to express his affections. So he pulled you into a hug and muttered a shitty joke, and you just laughed.

Over the course of the next hour, the two of you catched up about your mundane lives. It made Ray feel guilty since he knew that you were better than him in every way possible, on the road of success. Your future sounded like you would go to some fancy school and then marry a lawyer. Ray wanted to be good for you, but he didn’t know how to at all. He followed you around like a lost puppy for the rest of the party, feeling a tinge of jealousy whenever one of the guys would give you a chaste hug or when you wouldn't pay attention to him for five minutes.

Ray didn’;t know why the fuck eh was feeling so sappy. It wasn’t like the two of you were dating (even though that’s exactly what he wanted).

Ray doesn’t hate Brad, but he just hates whenever he talks to you. He sees the two of you, smiling and laughing as you catch u[. Ray knows it’s rude, but he buds in and offers to get drinks for the “three amigos”. You kindly accept and Ray goes away to get drinks. He makes sure to spit inside of Brad’s drink as a childish act of revenge.

As Ray walks down the hallway balancing the three drinks, he pauses to hide behind the door since he hear’s Brad mention his name. You and Brad had moved to the couch, sitting too close for Ray’s comfort levels. He had an arm slung over the couch, which was barely touching you, but Ray had taken it as an offense.

Standing by the doorway and leaning, he overheard Brad’s words.

“Ray’s a little shit, whiskey tango loser, sister fucking, type of man. I don’t know what you see in him,” Brad had casually said, cold and straight to the point. He truly lived up to his name.

That’s when Ray dropped the drinks and ran towards the bathroom. He didn’t hear you respond, and that was the last thing he needed to hear.

Now Ray’s sitting in the tub, no longer holding tears back, but there coming out. A sob escapes his mouth and he tries to smile, but he can’t. He gets a taste of his salty tears and tries to stop the waterworks, but they come back, bigger and faster. It’s been a while since he had a good cry-but it happened at one of the most inconvenient times. And it was over a stupid girl-who he coulnd’t deny that he was in love with.

But y/n was lightyears ahead of him. Besides, Brad was (seemingly) a better fit for her. The scenario began to play in Ray’s wild mind. The memories of “double trouble” will get erased. Their wedding will be small, paid for by the Colberts. Q-Tip will DJ, Godfather will make a speech with his horrid voice, and Ray will make a shitty joke as usual. Worst had come to the worst.

Ray hears a drunk Q-tip sing along through the door to “I wanna dance with somebody”. His feelings sink even deeper cause it makes him think; now there’s no one to make fun of drunk girls with anymore. That was y/n’s favorite hobby about these forced get-togethers.

Ray knew that at some point, he’d be forced to come out. As he chokes back the incoming tears, he waits until his face becomes dry, planning to blame it on weed or something in his eyes or the five bud lights he regrets drinking.

Knock, knock, knock, knock

Ray looks up and wipes his face, forcing a fake laugh. “Oh hell yeah, I'll be out soon.”

“Ray, it’s me.” It’s y/n’s voice, and Ray can’t believe it’s her. A part of him wants her to come in, but the other part wants him to defend himself.

“Why do you want me to come out when you can hang out with your new big strong viking? Who talks all educated and shit since you just love being around him.” Ray spits out with a few sniffles.

Based on his words and the sniffles, you can tell something is clearly wrong.

You shake your head and lightly knock again, “Please, that’s not what happened. Brad’s an idiot, and we’re just friends. “Please, come out.”

Ray got out from the tub and came close to the door, feeling your frantic breathes again the door. “My biggest mistake was showing up. I wished I stayed up watching cable porn, or I offered myself. Besides, he’s better for you. Just go away.”

Hearing him say such things made you worry even more, afraid that he could do something to himself that he’d regret.

“Ray, open the damn door. Don’t say dumb shit.” You pleaded, frantically twisting the door knob. The worry was evident in your voice.

“No, fuck you! Fuck this whole place. You’re smart; just leave me alone.” Ray banged against the door as tears came down his face. He immediately regretted his choice of words, knowing that they would hurt you. He turned away to return to the bathtub, only to stop when he heard you now sniffling.

Mega fuck.

Ray reluctantly walks back to the door and opens it, to see your face, all red and wet like this. Both of you stood there, disheveled, tears both running down your face.

Not a single word was spoken between the two of you as you ran into his arms, pulling him close as you cried into his chest. Ray used his foot to slam the door shut and then proceeded to pull you into a bearhug, stroking the back of your head as he comforted you through your sobs.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” He repeated as his tears stained your shoulder as well, “I didn’t-fuck. I’m such a retar-” He froze, knowing that you hated that word. “Idiot. I just-fuck. Don’t cry. You’ll ruin all the stuff on your face-”, Ray said as he tilted your face up and started to wipe your tears.

“Makeup. ‘S fine, I’m not wearing much. I just didn’t wanna get mistaken for a middle schooler again.”

Ray and you both let out a chuckle in the midst of your shared crying session. He’s still wiping the tears from your face as you rest your arms on his waist.

“First time we met, y’know. Godfather thought you had a dick for a long time.” Ray added, which earned another laugh from you.

You shook your head, “Remember when Trombley found out I was a girl?”

“Looked like he was about to shit himself-he wouldn’t leave you alone.”

“Ugh, ‘s a nightmare.” The two of you filled the void with the awakened laughter you shared. Ray’s tiny hands moved to your chin, directing it slightly up.

“I still think you’re pretty hot either way, angel.” Ray confessed. The two of you looked at each other for a minute, seeing the love and pupils widen in both of your eyes. Standing on your toes, you and Ray’s lips gently pecked at each other. You could taste the bud light on his lips as Ray’s lips overpowered yours, gently cupping and sucking passionately.

“Fuck,” Ray breathed through the kiss as your foreheads touched, “I love you.”

“Shit, I’ve been waiting for you to say that,” You chuckled as your finger’s played with Ray’s dark hair. It’s gotten longer, and it’s at a length where he can awkwardly style it, but since Ray is Ray-it’s a mess, “I love you too. I’m sorry about Brad, you know how he is.”

“I just thought you and him were having a moment. I just started overthinking it since I thought you didn't wanna be around me. Which is chill, I was vibing,” Ray attempted to joke, which was a way to cope with his pain.

You shake your head and hold his face to reassure him. Ray looks down at you in awe, which makes a smile curve on your lips.

“Brad wasn’t touching me, he just was stretched out on the couch. Ray, don’t say that. You were in the bathroom for over an hour. I knew that you were ethier upset or having explosive diarrhea from Nate’s vegan casserole-or both.”

“That shit was beyond nasty. I bet he got all the ingredients at Trader joes and sold his soul just to buy it.” Ray quickly quipped.

“Jesus, don’t make me vomit.” You huffed as you looked at the bathtub, “Now are you gonna come out now without beating up someone?”

“Yes babycakes, as long as you do one thing.”

Cringing, you force a smile. It’s not because you don’t love him, but sometimes what comes out of his mouth can be questionable. “Yes Ray?”

He grabs your hand, which fits right into his. “Gotta show the homies who’s the alpha around here.”

You don’t mind holding Ray’s hand. You like the tight squeezes and the feel of his soft skin. As the two of you walk out of the bathroom back into the life of the party with the smell of barbeque and the august heat in the air.

“Oh god Ray, shut up.”

Ray simply responds with a goosey laugh.

[crimsonandcloverwrites]

bhah ch7 can’t stop won’t stop

lmao Dani being like ‘we should wait to discuss kids til after we’re married’ yes doesn’t seem like a giant thing u should make sure u agree on before u make a major commitment at all

Dani is so in love with Jamie sdjkhdfkjg driving to her house on instinct and just like...gazing at her in her old t-shirt and sweats like you’ve finally seen the light girl just kiss her already

god I can’t believe I have 2 more chapters of them as adults just being the absolute perfect match for each other to get through before they finally kiss in ch 11 (i’m maninfesting it no one say anything) I am literally going to scream. Dani will like... feel a little off and it’s all “i need to go to Jamie’s house and also tell Jamie everything and she will make me tea and let me be myself without all the expectations and I will feel better” I AM VERY HAPPY SHE CAN BE THAT FOR YOU BUT ALSO CAN YOU SEE WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE MS CLAYTON (actually I think she kind of does but she must extract herself from her real life first I guess)

oh no the new chapter is almost here I still have so much to read

forget ‘there was only one bed’ this is now a ‘there was only one tent’ stan blog only

thirsty Dani truly is the funniest I am so sorry ur suffering is so entertaining. Dani: literally whacks her finger with a mallet bc horny for Jamie. Me: uncontrollable chortling

the idea of Dani wrangling 8 year olds that are probably just about as tall as her is too funny. tiny legend

aww the lil background Hannah and Owen moments. cute

Dani in a big ol’ straw hat pls that’s so cute

this Jackie and Jamie situation..... GIVE US THE DEETS

hmmmmnnnnnngggg Jamie just straight down on her knees in front of Dani to tie her shoe lace I will absolutely let u have this gay panic Dani u don’t deserve to be made fun of right now

Jamie “I have a story” absolutely NOT

Viola, emerging from the lake in this no ghosts childhood friends story: surprise bitch

these two drunk idiots are literally teenagers dsjkhdfkgjh just get in ur tent

Dani, drunk in a tiny tent w the love of her life: hope this doesn’t awaken anything in me

when we finally get a Jamie on her knees redemption moment-

Dani, drunk in a tiny tent w the love of her life currently taking her clothing off: oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck (y’all really wanted to torture her this chapt huh?)

“dawn was a saffron colored suggestion peeking through a pinhole gap in the tent’s zipper” god that’s a pretty sentence can i pls borrow some talent

Jamie and Dani w kids is sooooo cute they have such a nice balance between them

just thinking about if teenage Jamie desperately in love w her bestie could see things now Dani being all into her w all her lingering looks etc how the fuckin turn tables

“Dani kept a firm grip on her sanity” lol

oh my god they’re both drenched in the tent w the soft lamplight and only their own bodyheat to keep warm whatever will they do

oh wait they also have the heat of their burning attraction to each other they’ll be toasty as anything

hhhhngggg abs

that’s like 4 mentions of Jamie on her knees aklhfdkjgkdjh enough

lads is it gay to imagine running ur fingertips over the scar on your friends back before pressing ur lips to it or...?

Jamie taking the time to teach Dani car things aww

lol not the smutty book

eddie honking at her gets so under my skin like my dude... my guy... stop

Dani thinking so hard about rain damp Jamie and how much she wanted to jump her while she’s in the car w her boyf and MIL. girl

imagine if we had to sit through a dani and eddie wedding before she finally managed to call this off how cursed

ayoooo Carson’s show I cannot wait. omg we get it this chapter too gbless this really is the Dani suffering hours

Jamie just so casually like.... not even flirting w Dani it’s all just kinda observations but every other thing she says makes Dani stop breathing skdhfdkfjh this is so good

Dani has like... a lack of object permanence but with Jamie feelings ok

pleeease the Dani Carson road trip that’s so cute I can just imagine what fun they would have had

uuughhh i wanna go to a sweaty bar n listen to loud music again

also would like a Jamie to press their hand to my lower back n make me lose my mind in a sweaty bar to loud music

this lil jamie dani carson trio is my faaaave

“Girls must be all over you.” and Jamie choking on her drink dsfkjsdhkf oh Dani u beautiful naive angel. god that’s so funny

Robin instantly going for Jamie... same bro

Carson’s lil found family band pls my heart is so full

Carson calling them his sisters n Jamie freezing up bby when are u going to accept these people care abt u and love u like family

Robin is so brazenly just like ‘ur hot’. a voice of the people i love her

Dani being lowkey jealous as IF Ms Taylor has eyes for anyone else babe

Carson knoooowwwwws. When do we get the Carson O’Mara biopic please I want his takes on everything I know they’re excellent

oh my god Jamie knowing Dani’s fave kind of pizza pls I love that so much (I can’t remember if it’s been mentioned in the past few chapters but I remember her being mad that Eddie didn’t in CH1? i love this lil detail) (also I literally just ate vegge pizza I feel so immersed in this experience)

dfkgjhdfkjgh Jamie licking her finger and Dani completely combusting this is so entertaining

fuck n then it gets all soft and about how they’ve been in love their whole lives this is emotional whiplash

Jamie constantly in protector mode but in this really quiet comforting way is so sweet I love her so much

god I just feel so bad for Dani that this kind of insane electricity she has with Jamie has probably never been a thing in her relationship w Ed bby u deserve someone that makes u feel like this

awww Carsons bf

Dani’s soul leaving her body when she sees them kissing oh no

Jamie giving Dani her jacket pleeease I am dying here... the romance of it all

and shariing cigarettes and intense looks these two really are somethin else

lmao even Robin is picking up on their vibes you two could level a building with the amount of tension between u

Dani’s moment of Realisation abt Carson n Jamie just being like... well yeah

lmao Dani subtly trying to figure out if Jamie is gettin’ it sdkgdfhkjgh

when these do two finally get together both of them are gonna be like... taken out by all of this. Dani has only ever known Eddie who just does not get her (and the fact that she is a lesbian so she’s never had real feelings for him in that way) and it seems like Jamie has only ever had surface level relationships with people who never really got her either (while also being in love w her best friend who she never thought would love her back). there’s no way this is wont eventually make at least one person cry a bunch (probably me) with how right all of it is

god Dani is so horny for Jamie sdflkdfjgkfdj preemptive RIP for Ms Taylor when Dani finally does get to live out all these daydreams on her I just know someones gonna end up pulling somethin

Does Dani like.... get that she will never love Edmund that way like is she fully aware of the fact she loves him but she’s not in love with him and all these feelings for Jamie aren’t just because it’s Jamie but because she’s not straight??? have we gone on that journey yet

aw Ed waited up for her

the book the book the book

dsfkdhfgkj oh Dani

“Jamie on her knees, looking up at her” listen-

girl u are so fucked

SIX. SIX MENTIONS OF JAMIE ON HER KNEES pls

THE DREAM

who could this possibly be about hmmmm Dani

christ

THE MEASURES SHE TAKES TO DEAL WITH THE DREAM lordt

“baffled but excited” i think is how I almost always picture eddie lol

dang get it girl take control

aw dani u poor confused little duck. i just wanna give her a hug

Dani dressed as Dorothy is awfuly cute

heh Jamie as a wolf i love her fursona

lmao toto

of course Jamie is well aquainted with the bleachers. cheeky. oh no not the art room. Dani dying inside and then imagining herself there with Jamie girl has got it baaaad u poor lil repressed gayby

Dani is... so thirsty... goddamn

lmao Jamie blatantly checking her out are u trying to kill her she already wants to rip ur clothes off

“To the third floor art room?” dfksdhfgkjdfhgjdhf imagine if this was it they just banged it out in the art room right now n got things sorted

god they go from horny to soft so quick i love the ways they care about each other

Jamie saying the scarecrow costume is fitting for Eddie PLEASE

ooh the infamous hickey

What Dani deseves: snuggles. What Dani recieves: struggles

the MEMES. god bless the memes

this was an excellent companion for my Wednesday hopefully I can churn through the rest of em before we are blessed w ch11 amen

[darkalleywayexpress]

Your destiny is written from the day you’re born. Part 3

Part 1, Part 2, Part 4

Rated M

Warning: non-con sex, oral, violence, abuse.

This is based off The Devil All the Time. Specifically Lee Bodecker. Ideas be taken from the original story of course. 

Note: First time writing. Please give feedback. I don’t mind constructive criticism. Hope you enjoy. 

P.S. Im really bad at using this website. I find it hard lmao. So please give me time as I grown accustom to it. Thank you! (I have another fic in mind- though it will be darkSteve, but I'm not sure if I should do it or not. If y'all would like it please let me know.) :)))))))))

It’s my wedding day and I still don’t feet like ‘myself’. I feel like a withering leaf in fall on it’s last leg before it completely disappears. Not knowing where I truly stand I felt like I’m trapped, my heart palpating so much it hurts. All the days prior to this day I was unable to sleep, the consistent worrying in my head never faded away. As if my heart and brain knew something that I couldn’t fully comprehend yet. I’m left to fully rely on him not having any income of my own any longer since I was expected to quit work, due to the fact that the sheriffs wide would not be able to work or else people will start talking. Also taking in mind that people started talking, which got me to worry more. Rumors. As my mom put it. But don’t rumors have to stem off of some truth first?Though what I was able to comprehend from everything up until now was how much I hated myself. How big of an idiot I am. How I’m so weak to the point that I can even allow myself to be in every situation that I’ve ever been in. Staring straight at my reflection with the wedding gown he chose for me. Simple, just like me. I can care less about what I’m wearing and instead just truly want this horrendous day over. I can care less about what I’m wearing and instead just want the day over. My room door opens, my youngest brother Sam (who is still older than myself) walks in.

“Psst. Mrs. Bodecker.” With a grin smothered on his face. Seeing my reflection on the mirror he asks “you okay?”

“What am I doing?” Holding my tears back, though its hard my shell breaking.

“Well if you were to ask me I would say throwing yourself in fire. But it’s too late for that now, aint it?” He stops to grab both my hands in his own. “don’t worry y/n everything outta be alright. Before you even know it you’ll be much happier there than here with us. I should be getting down, and you should come soon too. You know how Pa and the others get when it comes to waiting.”

He leaves and I begin crying staring at my reflection. Have I truly thrown myself in flames? I wish I had a loving Pa who would save me from everything and everyone. Who would put me first before anyone else. Saying something along the lines of “Your happiness is what’s most important”. Maybe then I would’ve never been in this situation.

I make my way down. I see Lee standing looking up at me as I walk down. This ain’t the traditional way. But I guess that goes with everything. If I wasn’t the one getting married to him I would think he looks handsome today. They all get ready to head out.

I can’t do this. “I can’t do this.”  

My faces back to look at me, her eyes wide open. “Y/n?”

“Mom. I can’t do this. I can’t follow through this marriage.”

“Y/n.” She repeats herself more sternly this time.

Lee scoffs. Frowning but at the same time he seems like he is holding in his laughter. Laughter?

“Y/n, what do you mean I can’t get married?” He asks calmly. His head slightly moving side to side.

“I’m so sorry Lee. I just can’t.” I hold onto my dress running up the stairs, footsteps following behind me. My brothers voice speaking from a distance. He must be speaking to Lee. Before I can make it back to my room my Ma catches up to me yanking my arm, to stop me and get my attention.

“I had dreams for myself too. A dream where we both could’ve been happy. Where we both could’ve been. Not living with Pa and getting beat just because he felt like it - jjust because he was too drunk and he couldn’t think straight! Not a dream where I would marry I man I didn’t even know. Ma, please don’t make me do this. Ma, I beg of you.” I’m at her feet at this point my legs not being able to hold me straight up any longer. Swaying back and forth. Have I lost it?

She kneels down to look me in the face “It’s too late for that now y/n. Give me a chance, just this once? Lee’s a good man. He’ll take care of ya and your future kids. He got voted Sheriff honey now that ain’t so easy. You wont have to worry about nothing, he’ll be the man you deserve.  Holding my hands. Compassion. I don’t have much of a choice do I. If I don’t get married Dad’ll beat me to death. Collecting myself I soon head down.

Lee, sitting down on the beat up sofa. I make my way to him. Mom and Sam leaving us alone. He doesn’t look up at me, his head still in his hands. I don’t blame him. I can’t. To be in his shoes, I can’t even imagine. “Lee.”

“Are you alright?” He asks with what seems like genuine concern in his voice.

I nod. “Cold feet as ladies say it. I’m sorry.”

He nods. Putting his hand out forth for me to hold.

---------------------------------------------------------------

The ceremony at the Church happens so fast and before I even notice we are having our celebration in the backyard that all the folks have it during summer, accept for us it’s in fall.

We sit at the table where the couples tend to sit and people coming forth to congratulate us. I drink for the first time to help ease myself, as I have heard it helps. Luckily Lee was answering all their warm wishes and questions if any. All I’m focusing on is keeping all the warmth I have with this little cropped fur coat. Paying attention to people chattering and drinking away. Harold? What is he doing here? I look to find mom in the crowd. Her eyes already looking at me sternly. What am I supposed to do? The weather gets colder and somehow, I start sweating.

“Congratulations on your marriage.” He says staring only at me, causing me to instinctively look at Lee whom is staring at me and him. “I really didn’t expect ya to get married y/n, especially to someone so old compared to ya self. But I guess it’s expected I mean ya Pa ain’t the nicest.” Harold says all the while grinning. I can feel Lee gripping onto my wrist. Tightly.

“Who the fuck do you think you are coming to my wedding and spewing all this shit to me. Boy.” Lee standing up so quickly from his seat the chair topples away. I grab onto Lee, holding him back so he doesn’t fight with Harold. Harold laughs which causes Lee to punch him square to his jaw. And before I even can do anything else a full fight breaks between the two and I just stand there watching as I cry inside.

------------------------------------------------------------

Harold was left bloody. And Lee and I head home. My new ‘home’. Lee slams the door after himself. Fisting my hands so tightly I think my nails are breaking the skin on my palms. Defensive. I feel the need to be defensive.

“Who are you Lee? Are you someone who just thinks out of anger and isn’t able to talk to resolve conflict? Or are you the person that the town loves so much.” The alcohol is truly hitting me hard.

“Forget about be. Who the fuck are you?” He says moderately loud “Start fucking talking or I bet ya it ain’t gonna be good for ya Hon.” I can’t reply it’s like my tongue is cut off. “Who the fuck was that kid?”

Swallowing. “I don’t have to answer you. I – I ain’t your property.” I turn heading to any room with a door at this point.

BANG. He slams his hand against the wall. “DO NOT! Do not walk away from me  when I ask you a question.”

I bawling at this point, not turning around to look him. “Mmaybe we aren’t mean’t to be L-lee. Why didn’t you just marry some other girl from this town.”

And before he says anything else I open the first door my eyes hold onto and shut it after myself. Sitting down on the bed I cry. Noticing soon enough that it must be his room. The door opens, Lee walking in to sit beside me.

I get up facing what would be the window, but is covered due to the blinds “Ccould you just give me sometime alone? Ple” his right hand grabs me from my jaw to make me look straight at him.

“I’ll do whatever the fuck I please.” He spits out. Grabbing my fur coat and rips is off my body, turning me around so he can unlace my dress. He pushes me face forward to the mattress, I begin crying to scared to move. I here rustling behind me. Him behind me soon, smelling me. “We could’ve had it so nice but you really wanted to be a bitch. I really did want to take it nice and slow but you really lost that chance and instead I think it’s time for a lesson.”

And it all happens in a blink of an eye. Him putting his manhood in me. I grunt due to the foreign feeling in me. Is it suppose to hurt? “Oh hon, is it your first time he says while staring in between my legs.” I nod, my hands go up covering my face. “Honey, why didn’t you tell me? Is that why you were acting up? Cause you were scared?” He laughs, and stops his rhythm to move my hands away from my face. Kissing me. His hand exploring around my body, kneeding my breats slowly and softly. My hands instinctively go to his own, he grabs onto mine. Putting it on either side of my head, slowly moving his body again. In between my legs begin to feel hotter, wetter. Pain and pleasure mixing together. Clenching an unknown feeling washing over me, he soon whines? Breathing gets harder and sharper and soon stills. I stay still as he gets up to turn the lights off. Pulling the covers over the both of us, his left arm thrown over my body. Eventually drifting to sleep through silent crys.

[catnaples]

HAIKYUU: TIME-SKIP GENERAL HEADCANONS 1

MASTERLIST

Here’s yet another post that no one asked for lmao. These are just some things that live rent-free in my head that I compiled. I’ll be slowly moving through some more requests today as long as everything goes well! ♥

SLIGHT SPOILERS (MANGA TIME-SKIP)

♥ Sugawara can crochet/knit and around the holidays or birthdays, he knits sweaters and scarves for everyone and will lowkey turn into scary Suga if they don’t wear them right away. It doesn’t matter how hot it is, wear it if you want to live

♥ Daichi and Kuroo like to exchange dad jokes whenever they see each other, and then when they use it on their former team mates they like to text each other and laugh at how their friends reacted

♥ I lowkey think Kenma would CRUSH Project Diva. 

♥ Whenever Kenma, Kuroo, Bokuto and Akaashi hang out, I think they form teams and play Project Diva on Hard mode and whoever gets the lowest scores has to pay for dinner/lunch/drinks

♥ Hinata would learn Portuguese with Oikawa so that they can speak in a language that Kageyama doesn’t know, and then they’d rub it in his face when he’s making them mad

♥ I think that Yamaguchi watches sappy kdramas with Hinata, lmao you can’t change my mind. I bet you his favorite is either Boys over Flowers or She was pretty

♥ Bokuto is all beefy and tough but the second any tiny little inconvenience hits him he's a cry baby (which I guess is kinda canon actually lmao). For example one time he was trying to help Akaashi with his work and he was stapling things and he stapled the very edge of his finger and he bawled like a child for hours

♥ Kageyama would 100% accept a sponsorship from a milk company change my mind

♥ I think that Tsukishima keeps a mass collection of collectible toy dinosaurs in his living room so that he can admire them, and will ABSOLUTELY roast anyone who tries to make a smart comment about them

♥ I also think that Tsukishima’s idea of a romantic date is to drag the unsuspecting person to a large museum and force them to listen to him prattle on about the stuff there (mainly the dinos lol)

♥ Akaashi probably slips an idea to another coworker about a manga that tells the story of an aloof spiky haired muscle man with his strong and silent best friend making their way through high school together (hint hint)

♥ Kuroo and Bokuto are bros till the end. Going out for a beer or something, just the two of them instead of forcing their quiet friends into loud conversations. They probably wear matching bro t-shirts lmao can you imagine? They make a lot of dumb decisions while drunk too ppffft. Like they steal a duck from the local park and get in trouble the next morning because they were caught on camera doing it

♥ I have this soft idea in my head that Ushijima and Tendou go out for dinner once every month and they’re sitting there drinking fancy wine and catching up on the months news, and Ushijima is just softer now than he was in high school ugh plz soft Ushi

♥ I’d like to think that Tendou would grow out his hair again and wear it in a loose man bun, almost like Kenma but not y’know? And if he started dating someone he’d probably let them braid his hair the longer it gets

♥ Okay I know that Oikawa and Iwaizumi really hate Shiratorizawa and Ushijima, but like the idea of Oiks, Iwa, Ushi and Tendou all going out for drinks every now and then to laugh and “playfully” argue about their middle and high school days kinda appeals to me.Like they’re not best friends, but they have some mutual respect for each other. Idk i love all of them and I want all of them to love each other lmao

♥ Can we also talk about Hinata and Oikawa being BFF’s? So this idea lives rent free in my head 24/7, but the idea of them getting matching tattoos in a slightly hidden place (cause VB y’know) and one day it just gets revealed and Iwa and Kags are like “Dude wth”

♥ Okay and let’s talk about another idea that lives almost rent free in my head: Bokuto traveling to Brazil with Hinata since they be best buds, and Hinata shows Bokuto where he trained and they just do a lot of dude bro things y’know? I love platonic Bokuto and Hinata so much, it actually kinda hurts lmao

♥ I feel like Kiyoko and Yachi both run popular blogs. Kiyoko runs one on being a mom, and Yachi runs one on baking and stuff. They often meet up at a cute little cafe to have a coffee and to catch up!!

��� I think that Kiyoko and Tanaka end up having a girl and boy, and the boy has a lot of Kiyoko’s personality traits while the girl is a lot like Tanaka

♥ I’m just gonna lay it out there, I think Yachi would marry an angry looking female who’s actually even softer than Yachi herself

♥ Whenever Oikawa has a huge press meeting or something, he gets a manicure beforehand so that his hands look neat (and sometimes he’ll force Iwaizumi to come with)

♥ Sometimes Matsunn and Makki like to sneak out to Oikawa’s hotel whenever he’s back in Japan, just so they can harass and prank him for the entire night. Bonus points if they get really drunk, too

♥ Hinata and Bokuto have never had a Bang (which is a super caffeinated energy drink) and Atsumu brings some in to try from America. When they drink it, he instantly regrets that decision, because Hinata and Bokuto are literally vibrating. Which is an omen for what’s to come in about 30 seconds-

♥ Bokuto and Kuroo regularly kiss each other's cheeks and heads (only while wearing socks though) as a sign of broship. Also sometimes cuddles

♥ I would like to believe that someday after the Olympics every single character in Haikyuu gets together again and they all just end up in a large gym catching up and playing volleyball again. Oikawa and Hinata team up to play against Kageyama and Ushijima, and Iwaizumi is watching from the side with his eye out on Oiks because of his knee. And then Suga is finally setting again and there’s just so much happiness in his eyes, and Kuroo is blocking all of Kenma’s dumps. Ugh and Akaashi is setting to Bokuto again and Bokuto is literally crying while he’s spiking because he just missed playing with Akaashi so much. And Goshiki and Shirabu are actually working together and have gained mutual respect for each other even though Shirabu still makes smart remarks. Omg omg and then Tsukishima ends up playing on the same team as Bokuto, Kuroo, and Akaashi and they’re watching him whoop ass and they’re just having flashbacks to that first training camp when they met him!! And Kenma gets to set for Hinata, and Yaku and Noya are going head to head to see who’s the better Libero! There’s too many characters that I could keep talking about So I’m gonna stop but come on that’s some real sentimental shit right there lmao. Actually you know what I’m gonna make a whole other post dedicated to this scenario lmao idk

[breakable-girls-and-boys]

Crooked Smile Ch 3

~You go out cruising for a bruising, An illusion that you use to cover up your broken heart~

Holly is not happy. Ok, that’s an understatement. She is pissed. Lisa had dragged her along to meet up with whatever bimbo had become the flavor of the week: this week’s model was a young woman named Katie, and Holly had only been pretending to listen when she said what she did for a living. Holly thinks it was something along the lines of finance, or maybe it was accounting. Something boring. Katie seemed sweet and all, but she was…oblivious. And Holly knew that Lisa was just going to eat her up and spit her right back out again and that poor girl was in for heartbreak.

But it wasn’t the fact that Lisa had dragged her along to meet a girl, no. What really pissed Holly off was that Lisa had dragged her to The Black Penny. And she knew that Lisa knew full well that this bar was 15 Division’s turf and as Gail Peck’s ex, Holly was not welcome here. But Holly hadn’t known where they were going, no, Lisa had kept that a tight-lipped secret. And of course, Lisa had insisted on driving. Oh well, Holly didn’t see anyone she recognized, and she figured she could down a drink or two and then slip her way out and catch a taxi home.

Holly was on her second drink when a group of off-duty 15 Division officers walked in the front door. Well, maybe she’d just slip out a little earlier than she’d originally planned. Holly had grabbed her jacket and was about to throw it on when she saw Gail walk through the door. Shit, she thought, There’s no way I can quietly sneak out with her standing right by the door.

While Holly was busy planning her escape, she did not realize someone was walking up to her.

“Holly! Hey! It’s so nice to see you!”

Holly snapped her head in the direction of the person talking. It took her a moment to focus on the face in front of her.

“Traci! Hi! How are you?” Holly held her hand out for a handshake, but Traci enveloped her in a tight hug.

“Come have a drink! We should catch up,” Traci said, pulling Holly towards her table, which was currently occupied by Dov, Chloe, Nick, Chris, Andy, and Sam.

Holly turned around to glance at the table she’d been at with Liza and Katie, but the other two had disappeared, presumably they were making out in the bathroom.

A chorus of ‘hey’s and ‘how are you’s met Holly as she took the offered seat. She smiled warmly at everyone and gratefully accepted the offer of a drink from Chris.

She had tuned out most of the conversation and was focused on her drink. She’d leave after this one, make some polite excuse about having to be up early.

She took the last gulp of her beer right as Gail sat down across the table from her. They made eye contact as Gail slid another beer in front of Holly. The look in her eyes told Holly it was meant as a peace offering. She reached out to take the glass, her fingers briefly grazed Gail’s.

Several drinks later, and Holly was too buzzed to feel self-conscious about the tension between her and Gail. She was too busy watching Gail animatedly recount a tale from her rookie days to notice Traci watching her watch Gail. And she didn’t notice Traci grab her phone and shoot off a quick text, or that everyone around the table took their turn checking their phone, everyone except Gail.

“You know what, I think it’s time for Dov and I to head out,” Chloe said in her cheerful manner. She finished her drink and tugged at Dov’s collar to get him to follow her lead. Chris stood too, downing the last of his beer.

“I’m their ride, so I should probably…” Chris trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck. He grabbed his jacket and jogged after the other two.

“I’m…” Nick began, standing. “Gonna go flirt with the bartender.” He quickly walked away.

Sam saluted those left at the table, downed his drink, grabbed Andy’s hand and pulled her towards another table occupied by other off-duty police officers.

Traci stood and looked between the two women.

“I am gonna go get another drink,” Traci said as she waved her empty glass. “Either of you need a refill?”

“No, I’m good,” Gail and Holly said at the same time. They looked at each other and giggled like school children.

Traci made her way to the bar and sat next to Nick. They both chanced a glance over their shoulder to Holly and Gail, and quickly turned back to whisper to one another.

“So-” Holly began.

“Look-” Gail said at the same time. They both paused and looked at the other.

“Go ahead,” they said in unison.

Holly held her hand up and said, “So you’re getting married?”

Gail looked down at her hands, which were fiddling with the beer glass and coaster.

“Yeah, I, uh… we haven’t set a date yet, but,” Gail cleared her throat, “um, she’s great. She’s really great.” Gail’s eyes didn’t leave her glass.

“I’m really happy for you,” Holly choked out.

Gail looked up at her, surprised.

“You are?” she asked.

“Yeah, I’m happy if you’re happy,” Holly whispered, using all her strength to fight back the tears threatening to escape.

Gail took a deep breath. “I am happy,” she said as she exhaled. “What about you?”

“Am I seeing someone?” Holly asked in return.

“Are you happy?” Gail asked.

Holly smiled a small smile as she looked down at her lap. She briefly contemplated telling Gail the truth: that she wasn’t happy, that she missed Gail like she wouldn’t believe, or maybe she would.

“I’m happy to be back,” Holly murmured.

“That’s not what I meant.” Gail gave her a pointed look.

“What do you want me to say, Gail?”

“I don’t know, Holly,” Gail snapped. “But you owe it to me to be honest.”

“I owe you?” Holly challenged.

“You left me, Holly,” Gail shot back, her icy stare locked onto Holly’s eyes.

“As I recall, I asked you to come with me,” Holly countered. She met Gail’s stare and refused to back down. “And you said no.”

“I was-“ Gail yelled, but quickly realized where she was and lowered her voice. “I was trying to adopt Sofie and you know that.”

“I asked you to visit…” Holly’s fire had died down somewhat, softened by the memory of the young girl.

“Holly, we weren’t even that good at a regular relationship.”

“Then why are you so upset that I left?”

The question caught Gail off guard. If she was being honest with herself, Gail knew exactly why she was so upset. But Gail had a nasty habit of lying to herself and she wasn’t about to change that now, even while drunk. Gail searched Holly’s eyes for… something. She wasn’t quite sure what she was hoping to find. But whatever she wanted to see, she didn’t see it reflected back at her. She gulped down the last of her drink and stood up from the table.

“Goodnight, Holly.”

But Holly wasn’t about to let this go. Maybe it was the alcohol fueling her forward, bound and determined to get some answers. She followed Gail out the back door that she didn’t know existed and made a mental note to use that exit next time. If there ever was a next time.

“Just go home, Holly,” Gail pleaded, throwing her hands in the air and turning to face Holly. The action had stopped Holly short and she was only a couple steps away from the other woman.

“Not until you tell me why you are so goddamn pissed at me,” Holly said. She crossed her arms over her chest to protect against the chill in the air.

“You left me,” Gail repeated.

“And you told me to go,” Holly argued. The cold was quickly sobering her up enough to think this may have been a bad idea.

“I-” Gail began, taking a step forward, “I never-” Gail’s gaze dropped to Holly’s lips briefly, then back up to her big, brown eyes.

Gail closed the distance between them quickly, grabbing Holly’s face between her hands, and pulling her into a searing kiss. Both women poured their long pent-up feelings for the other into this kiss. Holly’s hands grabbed haphazardly at Gail’s jacket, trying to pull her as close as possible. Gail let her left hand travel up into Holly’s hair to grasp at the back of her head, keeping her there. The other hand smoothed down Holly’s chest and abdomen, then made its way around to her back, her nails scratching at Holly’s skin through her shirt.

Oblivious to the world around them, Gail walked Holly backwards and pinned her up against the brick wall. Holly had moved her hands inside Gail’s jacket and was toying with the hem of her shirt, flirting with the skin of Gail’s waist. Gail’s hand slid down to grasp the back of Holly’s neck while the other slid down to palm Holly’s ass. She squeezed roughly, enjoying the moan the action elicited. Her hand continued downward, pulling Holly’s thigh up and onto her hip. Gail used the new position to slip her own leg in between Holly’s and pushed herself impossibly closer. Holly gasped at the new contact and gently bit Gail’s bottom lip, pulling slightly, then soothing the area with her tongue. Gail’s moan was swallowed by Holly as she pulled Gail into another openmouthed kiss.

The side door swung open and banged loudly against the brick wall, startling Gail and Holly. Two giggling strangers playing grab-ass walked away from them. Gail jumped away from Holly and wiped at her mouth. Holly watched the other woman try to compose herself, and noted that the two strangers never even looked back. They probably hadn’t even known she and Gail were there. Gail finally looked back at Holly with something in her eyes Holly couldn’t quite read. Regret, maybe? Disappointment?

“I-” Gail started and stopped immediately. She looked at Holly, searching her face for something to tell her to just leave.

“I missed you,” Holly confessed. It threw Gail off guard, she didn’t know what she had been expecting, but it wasn’t that.

It was however, enough to pull Gail back towards Holly. She pulled greedily at Holly, crashing their lips together again.

————

Gail rubbed the sleep from her eyes and looked around the unfamiliar room. She stretched and felt the cool sheets on her naked skin. Turning her head, she looked at Holly laying next to her, still fast asleep. She reached a hand out to push back the hair on Holly’s face, but stopped short. Slowly, carefully, Gail climbed out of the bed. She grabbed her clothes and made her way silently out of the room, dressing in the hallway. She looked back at the once familiar entryway, before exiting the townhouse. She made sure the doorknob was locked before shutting it behind her. The drive to her apartment was quiet, the roads empty this early in the morning.

Gail silently unlocked the door and entered the living room. She made her way to the bedroom. Sarah was still sleeping. Gail entered the bathroom and closed the door so she wouldn’t disturb her. Gail washed her face and grabbed her toothbrush. She’d need to shower before Sarah woke. She was positive she smelled of sex and alcohol. Grabbing the edge of the sink and resting her weight on her arms, Gail looked at her reflection. What the fuck had she been thinking? She hadn’t, and that was the problem.

Gail turned the shower on to let the water heat while she finished brushing her teeth. In the mirror, she saw the bathroom door open a sliver.

“Gail?” Sarah asked sleepily as she poked her head in the door.

“Hey, baby,” Gail soothed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“Did you just get home? Where were you?”

“I’m so sorry I didn’t call. I went over to Traci’s and we were playing board games with Leo and I just lost track of time and then we all passed out watching TV,” Gail said, the lies flowing from her mouth with ease. She felt herself becoming someone she didn’t recognize.

“It’s fine, babe. Take a shower and I’ll make us some breakfast,” Sarah said, smiling sweetly before pulling her head back and shutting the door.

Gail took her time, letting the hot water fall over her body. She replayed the events of last night in her head. If she concentrated, she could still feel Holly’s lips on her own. Her hand absentmindedly moved up to touch her lips. Stop it, she told herself, You love Sarah. She finished the rest of her shower trying to think of her week ahead, anything that would keep her mind off of Holly.

————

The light filtering through the curtains woke Holly from her slumber. She yawned as she stretched and reached over to check her phone on the night stand. She had slept much later than she’d intended. Holly stretched again and felt the post-sex soreness in her muscles. She rolled over, expecting to snuggle up to Gail, but her sheets were empty. Holly sat up, confused. Running her fingers through her hair, Holly swung her legs over the edge of her bed and looked around the room. She reached over and grabbed her glasses off her night stand, putting them on, she looked around the room again. Her clothes from last night were scattered across her floor, but Gail’s were gone. Panic began to rise into Holly’s chest. She wouldn’t just leave, would she? Of course she would, Holly thought, she’s Gail. Holly got up and grabbed her robe from where it was hanging on the back of her bedroom door and threw it on. She made her way downstairs and into the kitchen, suddenly aware of how empty her house was. She opened the pantry, but nothing looked appetizing. With a heavy sigh, Holly made her way back upstairs to shower and clean up.

Holly was toweling her hair dry when she heard her phone ring. She ran to her bed and grabbed her phone, hoping that maybe it was Gail calling. She didn’t bother to check the i.d. before answering.

“Hello?”

“Hey! You busy today?”

“Rachel?”

“Yeah… who else did you expect?” Rachel asked.

“I, uh… no one. Sorry. What’s up?”

“I was gonna see if you wanted to come to brunch with Lisa and I? Well, Lisa and her new girlfriend and I?” Rachel waited for a response, but when the silence lasted longer than was socially acceptable, she continued. “Please don’t make me go by myself. You know how insufferable Lisa is with her new toys,” she pleaded.

“Yeah,” Holly spoke softly. “I’ll go.” She probably should get out for a bit, especially after last night. If she was home alone all day, she’d just spend it in her own head overthinking.

————

Holly slowly stirred the straw in her water glass as she stared out the window, replaying last nights events over and over in her mind. Had she said something wrong? Had she done something? Gail still hadn’t replied to her text message. Then again, Holly should know that this is how Gail tends to deal with things.

“Earth to Holly.”

Lisa’s voice invaded her thoughts and brought her back to the present. Holly whipped her head in the direction of the voice across the table.

“What’s up?” Holly asked.

“What the hell is wrong with you today?” Lisa asked as she took a long drink from her mimosa. “You disappeared last night and you’ve been weird all morning.”

Holly took a steadying drink of her own mimosa before answering, “It’s just been a weird week.” Holly waved her hand dismissively, hoping her friends would let the subject drop.

“Bullshit,” Lisa exclaimed. “Something happened last night, didn’t it?”

Goddamn her stupid friends and how well they knew her.

“It’s nothing,” Holly mumbled.

“Spill,” Rachel said, turning in her seat to face her friend.

“You got laid,” Lisa stated, a knowing grin spreading across her face. She sat back in her chair triumphantly and threw her arm around Katie.

“I…um, nothing. Nothing happened,” Holly said, avoiding all eye contact with her friends.

“You are a terrible liar,” Rachel said.

Holly looked between her friends, Rachel had her chin in her hand as her elbow rested on the table and an expectant look on her face, while Lisa sipped on her mimosa and continued grinning at her. Holly sighed loudly and hid her face in her hands.

“I slept with Gail,” she mumbled through her fingers.

“What?” Rachel reached out to move one of Holly’s hands from her face.

“I slept with Gail,” Holly said a little louder, one hand still covering her eyes.

“WHAT?” Both her friends exclaimed at the same time.

Holly ignored their question and downed the rest of her drink. She flagged down the waiter and raised her glass in a silent plea for more alcohol.

“Details. Now.” Lisa had straightened up in her seat.

“There’s nothing to tell,” Holly all but whispered as she fiddled with her hands in her lap. “It was a mistake.”

“Oh no, start from the beginning, now,” Rachel said, then tacked on a quick “Please.”

Holly should have known they’d figure out something was bothering her, and part of her wanted them to figure it out so she could work through everything with them. But boy she did not want to talk about it here, especially in front of Lisa’s new girlfriend.

“She showed up just as I was about to leave and we… talked. Well, argued really,” Holly began. “And then next thing I know, she’s kissing me in the alley and we went back to mine.”

“So it was hate sex?” Lisa asked.

“No. I mean I don’t think so. It didn’t feel like that.”

“Isn’t she engaged?” Rachel asked, confused.

“Yes,” Holly said. Her refill had arrived just in time. She downed it before the waiter could even turn away and was already requesting another. Good thing they were bottomless with brunch.

“She left, didn’t she? And that’s who you were expecting when I called, isn’t it?” Rachel asked, finally understanding what had been bothering her friend.

“I don’t know what time she left. And she hasn’t responded to my texts, but that’s kind of classic Gail,” Holly said.

“Well fuck her,” Lisa said, finishing her own drink and flagging down the waiter for another.

“Lisa!” Rachel exclaimed.

“No, I’m serious, she’s a bitch. She told you to go off to California, she doesn’t get to be mad at you for leaving and then mess with your feelings when you get back,” Lisa said matter-of-factly. “She supposedly moved on and then she goes and cheats, is that really someone you want in your life?”

Holly choked on her water.

“That’s kind of the pot calling the kettle black, isn’t it?” Holly taunted.

“Don’t you go projecting onto me,” Lisa hissed.

The waiter returned with a round of mimosas for the four women. They drank in silence for a moment.

“Holly what were you thinking?” Rachel asked softly, like a mother trying to understand a child’s actions.

“Obviously she wasn’t,” Lisa scoffed.

“Fuck you, Lisa,” Holly snapped.

Both women looked in opposite directions.

“Holly,” Rachel tried again, softly.

“I know it was a mistake, Rach,” Holly said, continuing to stare out the window.

“Honey, I think you need to just let her go. I mean look at what happened last time,” Rachel said, “She ignored you for weeks and it tore you up. I just don’t think she’s going to talk it out like you want.”

“I know,” Holly said, defeated. She didn’t want to talk about this any more. What she really wanted was to go home and cry in her comfy clothes.

“Plus I doubt she’s gonna leave her fiancée for you,” Lisa interjected.

Rachel shot her a disapproving look and turned her attention back to Holly. Holly downed her drink, threw a few bills on the table, and without a word, got up and walked out. She knew better than to talk about anything Gail related with Lisa.

“Look what you did,” Rachel scolded.

“What? Am I wrong?” Lisa asked, feigning innocence. She turned her attention back to Katie.

Rachel shook her head as she grabbed a few bills to cover her portion of brunch and got up from the table as well.

“So that’s it? Brunch is just over?” Lisa asked.

“I’m not gonna be a third wheel while you suck face and forget I’m here.” And with that Rachel left, hoping she could catch up to her brokenhearted friend before she did something stupid.

————

Holly was worn down and it was beginning to show. She ran her hands over her face and looked at herself in the bathroom mirror. Her hair was greasy, not that anyone but her could really tell. She hated to admit that it had been several days since she’d last showered. The bags under her eyes had become a permanent fixture on her face. Most nights she was lucky if she only woke up once, but she never felt rested come morning. At least her clothes were clean, albeit wrinkled. She made her way back to her office, but stopped short at the sight of bleach blonde hair in her lab.

Gail stood with her back to the door. She was looking at the photos on Holly’s desk.

Holly took a deep breath to settle herself and walked into the room. She gently cleared her throat to announce her presence. Gail spun around at the sound.

“Hi,” Gail said softly.

“How can I help you, Detective Peck?” Holly asked, attempting to keep her face as passive as possible.

Gail’s face fell slightly.

“I need to know if you found anything else in relation to the homicide on Euclid,” Gail said, her tone all business.

“Yes,” Holly began, “I found some hairs on the victim that were not his.”

“Could they belong to the perp?” Gail asked, taking a step closer to Holly.

“Only if the perp is a new breed of dog that has opposable thumbs,” Holly chuckled.

“What?”

“I found dog hair on the victim, and as far as I’ve been told, he did not have a dog,” Holly explained.

“Oh,” Gail said, nodding in understanding.

“So if any of your suspects have a dog, I can match the hairs.”

“Anything else?”

“The blood spatter sample you gave me does not belong to the victim. I ran it through the database but did not find any matches. Same with the fingerprints.”

“Got it. Thank you for the update,” Gail said before walking towards the doorway.

“You could have just called,” Holly said.

“What?” Gail asked, stopping just short of the doorway.

“You could have called, you didn’t need to come all the way down here.”

“Would you prefer that I don’t come here?” Gail asked without turning around.

“Gail,” Holly said softly, “I think we should talk.”

“No, Holly, I don’t think we should.” She knew what Holly meant, but she was not prepared to have this discussion.

“We need to talk about what happened the other—”

“Nothing happened.” Gail emphasized as she turned to face the other woman.

“Gail—”

“No, Holly,” Gail began, “I’m engaged. I’m getting married! This,” she gestured between them, “cannot happen. There can’t be— there is nothing between us. It was a mistake. It should have never happened.”

“Oh. Um,” Holly cleared her throat. “Ok.”

“I can’t do this.” Gail whispered.

“You think this is easy for me?”

“That’s not what I—”

“I have to watch you be happy with someone who isn’t me, knowing that it should be me, but I went and fucked it up by leaving.” Tears threatened to spill over the corners of Holly’s eyes, she blinked them back momentarily.

Gail looked back at her, on the verge of tears as well.

“And now you’re back and I can’t look at you because all I see is the woman who left me. But I can’t look at Sarah either because when I do, all I see is that she isn’t you.” Gail grabbed the edge of the metal table and rested her weight on her arms. “I’m loyal, Holly. I am fiercely loyal and I betrayed the one person I’m supposed to cherish forever. And I can’t even bring myself to regret it because I can’t stop thinking about you.”

A single tear rolled down Gail’s cheek. She roughly wiped it away and all but ran out of the room.

Holly stood still and just let the tears fall.

[hail-tommy-shelby]

Night At The Garrison (A Tommy Shelby Imagine)

Wattpad - @BRINGMETHECHLOE

Tumblr - @hail-tommy-shelby

{This is the first smut imagine I have wrote so forgive me if it's not the best. I would love your feedback after you have read it, if there are things I need to improve on I'd love it if you would tell me. Any feedback is greatly appreciated.

If you like this imagine I will be posting more on this Tumblr for you to read. I am also starting a full fanfiction for Tommy Shelby on my wattpad which will have many chapters.

I hope you enjoy my writing. Happy reading.}

For as long as I can remember it's always been me and Ada. Ever since we were children you couldn't find one of us without the other. We used to say it was me and her against the world and we continued that way forever. Being best friends with her for this long we are more like sisters now. Such a close bond that can never be broken. We have no secrets between us, never will. No secret could be too big that we couldn't tell. That's how I knew about her and Freddie Thorne long before anyone else. I keep her secrets and she keeps mine. I was also the first to find out when she got pregnant. Me and Polly were the only ones that knew.

Polly and I are very close too. She classes me as family and has done since I was little. With me and Ada so close I practically grew up with and around the Shelby's. Polly and Ada treated me like family and the brothers always treated me well, especially John. Arthur used to tease him saying he loved me.

As I got older the way the Shelby's treated me never changed. They always made sure I was okay and kept me close. Tommy however, Tommy changed towards me. We used to talk, joke and have a laugh, then it all seemed to stop. He started talking to me less and less until I only got the occasional word out of him. I never knew why. I guess as he took on more and more responsibility with Shelby Company Limited he had no time to waste talking to his little sisters friend.

As the company got bigger and I grew up Polly insisted they give me a job. Now years later here I am, still working for the company and still as close to Ada and Polly as ever.

Now I spend most days working with the girls while doing the books. I've always loved working with them, it's always a laugh with Polly and Esme. After she married John getting to know her, me and Esme became great friends. We get along well and I'm glad John has someone like her, she's good for him.

Lizzie is the only other girl to work with us doing the books sometimes. She doesn't say much especially to me. I always get the feeling she really dislikes me and sometimes at work I catch her staring at me. I really don't understand Lizzie. I know Esme really doesn't like her. As soon as she found out John slept with her and nearly married her that was it. The dislike was clear. I don't think Polly is particularly a fan of her either. Her and Esme have this joke that Lizzie's mood that day depends on if she's currently fucking Tommy or not. I try not to think of it as the thought makes me feel sick.

Only Ada knows this but when I was younger I always hoped I would end up with him. I mean who wouldn't? Tommy is absolutely gorgeous. As I grew older I knew me and him would never be together and I accept that now. I still think he's stunning but I know he won't be mine. I just hope he finds someone that truly loved him and doesn't just want to fuck him.

Now here I am. I've finished work for the day and I'm at Polly's house with her and Ada. Tonight is a big night. Arthur and Tommy have completely done up the garrison and tonight is it's grand opening. Everyone is going to be there. The whole Shelby family and everyone who works for them. I'm really looking forward to it. Ada has a babysitter for Karl so we decided tonight we are going all out.

Me, Ada and Polly are getting ready, knowing tonight is a big deal we all want to look out best. After a bit of consideration I decide I'm going to wear my best stuff and dress up. For a little confidence I put on my black lace bra and panties with a matching garter belt that holds up my stockings. Just knowing I'm wearing this boosts my confidence greatly.

Getting dressed I start to put on my black embroidered dress which I bought just for the occasion. I love the dress as it hugs my hips and falls to my knees. It shows off my body nicely and looks great with the black heels I've paired with it.

After finishing my hair I stare into the mirror and smile. I apply a final coat of red lipstick and give myself an all over glance. There ready. I look good. I feel good. Tonight is going to be great.

Polly and Ada are ready soon after me, both looking gorgeous. With all of us happy it's time, we step out the house onto the streets of Birmingham and get into the car. It's not a long ride to the garrison and we are there rather quickly. The closer we get there I notice the more noise I hear. As we pull up on the street I hear it clearly, jazz music playing, people laughing and singing. By just the sound alone you would know it's a party.

Getting out the car I look at Polly, she has a huge smile on her face. Slowly the three of us start to walk and we reach the doors of the garrison.

"Tonight's gonna be a good night girls" I hear Ada from next to me before she swings the doors open.

As soon as I enter and my feet hit the floor I have to take a moment to take in my surroundings. The new garrison looks phenomenal, so fancy and so gold. The entire place was gold and all the chairs red velvet. A jazz band are playing next to the dance floor where many couples are already dancing. I've never seen the garrison this busy before. Everyone I know is here. Looking to the bar I can see Arthur behind it giving out bottles of champagne, with a big smile on his face. He looks really happy tonight, I've not seen him this happy in a while.

Looking around the room I take in the sights and atmosphere of the place when I suddenly feel a pair of arms wrap around my waist from behind. Gasping I turn around shocked to see a laughing face behind me.

"Fucking John" I shout hitting him on the shoulder which gets Ada and Polly laughing.

"Some things never change" Polly laughs then directs us all to the table where Esme is already sat.

John finds his seat next to Esme and pulls out a bottle of whiskey "I must say you all look lovely."

"Aren't you a charmer" I joke taking a seat next to Ada.

Cracking open the bottle of whiskey conversation and drink flowed equally. Before I knew it the bottle is empty, I'm a little tipsy and Ada is pulling me up to dance.

Finding a rhythm to the music we start to dance in the middle of the floor. We twirl eachother shaking our hips and laughing like a bunch of children. I keep turning and twirling until I feel it. I feel like someone is watching me. Turning around once more I spot it. I could only take a quick glance but I spot it, I know those eyes. Swaying my hips in a new direction I turn both me and Ada around so I can face him. There he is, looking as good as ever and looking at me. Thomas Shelby.

Tommy is sat at a table, a glass of whiskey in one hand and a cigarette in the other. I notice Lizzie is sat with him. Both of them are not talking and they're both looking at me. Why are they looking at me? They have never payed any attention to me, so why now? Both of them staring like this is making me nervous.

I focus back on my dancing trying to distant myself from the thought of them both looking at me. I spin Ada around as she does the same to me, as I turn around I see Lizzie. She doesn't look very happy as she walks out the garrison. I take a look at Tommy to see if something had happened but his eyes haven't moved from me at all. He's looking at me so intently it almost scares me. Every nerve in my body is telling me to look away but I can't. I continue swinging my hips but my eyes lay on him as his are on me.

Oh those eyes, those amazing bright blue eyes. The way he's looking at me, it's like he can see inside me soul. I've never experienced something so intense. This one look from him and my body is on fire. One look from him and I'd do anything he asked. This man, the man who with one stare has me completely at his will.

I snap myself out of my thoughts, I need a drink.

"I'm going to the bar" I shout to Ada over the music then walk to get a drink. As I reach the bar I notice I'm breathing heavy and feel hot. I order two whiskeys and wonder if Tommy is still watching me. Chancing another look, I see he's still there staring at me. Why is he doing this? I down one of my whiskeys hoping it will calm my nerves, then I see it. He's smirking at me. Thomas Shelby smirking at me. Maybe he knows the effect he has on me. Oh god I hope not.

Avoiding his gaze I take my whiskey and go and sit with Polly.

"Are you alright Hun? You look hot" she asks.

My cheeks heat even more "I'm out of breath from dancing" I lie which makes Polly laugh.

After some conversation I start to zone out, John, Esme and Polly continue talking while I just think. My mind wonders back to Tommy. I don't understand what's going on. He never pays attention to me and then tonight, the way he's looking at me. What's changed? And that smirk, I've never seen that before. The way his lips looked so desirable. The man is so unbelievably sexy. Crossing my legs I snap myself out of my thoughts and drink another whiskey.

A few bottles of whiskey and a lot of dancing later the night has flown by. Everybody else has gone and the only people left are me, Ada, Polly, Arthur, and Tommy. The band left so the only music playing is coming from a gramophone.

Even though it's late me and Ada are still dancing. Ada seems to be very drunk and stumbling while twirling around. As I shake my hips I hear a loud bang which I turn to see is Ada, she's on the floor laughing hysterically.

"Bloody hell Ada, how much have you had to drink?" I hear Arthur moan as he helps her up. I can't help but giggle as I continue to twirl.

Arthur picks Ada up in his arms and Polly grabs her things "come on you, let's get you home."

I keep dancing with closed eyes just focusing on moving my body to the music. After the song finishes I open my eyes to see only Tommy. The rest of them have gone. Tommy is sat down with a drink watching me. As I realize it's only me and him left I stop dancing and sit down at the table. Me and Tommy haven't been alone together in years, this is new. Looking up at him, he has poured us both a glass of whiskey and I reach for a cigarette. Almost instantly Tommy holds a lot match up to me. I slowly lean towards him lighting my cigarette while looking into his eyes. Just looking at him nerves travel through my body.

"The place looks great" I say taking a drag and trying to make conversation.

"You looked like you had a good time" he stated "you're a good dancer."

I drink the whiskey trying not to blush "I love to dance."

"You know I've not danced all night."

I gulp as he stands up Infront of me putting out his hand.

"Dance with me."

I take a moment to watch him shocked before putting out my cigarette and taking his hand.

Tommy leads me to the dance floor before putting one hand on the small of my back and mine in his other.

After a second, he slowly starts to move, pulling me closer to him. The dance is simple and slow. Tommy leads and I follow his movements. Turning us around slowly he then lifts up my arm and gets me to twirl. I couldn't help but laugh as he takes my hand again, "I don't believe I've ever seen you dance Mr Shelby."

"I am a man of many talents" he spoke turning is around.

"I'm sure you are" I smile.

I can't believe this is happening. I'm dancing with Tommy. I've never seen this side of him before. He's being so sweet.

Pulling me closer I feel Tommy's head in the crack of my neck. Every breath he takes I can feel, each almost sending shivers down my spine. Taking a deep breath I take in his scent as I feel his hand on my waist. He smells amazing. I've never noticed that before. It's like a mix of cigarettes, whiskey, smoke and pure Tommy Shelby. Can this man be anymore perfect?

As the song finishes I slowly pull away "I guess I should be getting home."

Tommy insisted he would drive me and the entire ride home made conversation. This is the most I've spoken to him in a long time. He asked about me and how I was doing and I asked about him and the company. As we arrive at my place I've had such a good time with him I don't want him to leave. "Thank you for driving me home."

"It was my pleasure" Tommy turns off the car, gets out and opens the car door for me.

"Thank you." Walking to my front door Tommy is right behind me. I get out my keys unlocking the door before turning to face home. "Thanks again for driving me home."

Tommy steps forward his arms wrapping around my waist, mine instantly wrap around his neck.

"Tommy I " before I could finish talking his lips are on mine.

His lips, which I thought would be tough are soft and plump. The kiss starts out soft, both of us getting used to each other before it depends. His tongue invading my mouth as a moan escapes my lips. Not wanting the kiss to end I pull Tommy into my house shutting the door. My back hits the wall as his hands find my hips, sighing into his mouth I tug on his hair.

My mouth finds he jaw as our hands fumble to take each others coats off. Once achieved my hands start undoing shirt buttons revealing his chest. Tommy's lips move lower sucking on the sensitive skin on my neck making me moan, "Tommy."

"Jump" he whispers heavily in my ear, I do exactly as he says wrapping my legs around his waist, my hands clawing at his chest. In this position I feel him. I can feel him growing hard underneath me, our clothes an unwanted barrier. My hips involentry rock back and forth the sensation making me want a sweet release. I hear Tommy groan biting my neck at the feeling, "where's your room?"

"Upstairs to the right."

With no hesitation Tommy carries me upstairs placing me on my bed before pulling away. "No Tommy I want you."

"Patience love" he smirks looking down at me "you have me." Leaning over me he rejoins his lips to mine. "Your'e wearing too many clothes" he breathes pulling away.

I'm now sat on the edge of the bed with Tommy on the floor between my legs. I feel his hands slowly stroking my thighs then higher and higher as he lifts off my dress. I don't know what it is but him undressing me like this feels so intimate, like he's finally seeing me after all these years. Throwing my dress to the floor he removes my shoes then lays me flat.

I can't see him but I can feel him. A kiss on my upper thigh makes me squirm.

"Stay still."

I do as I'm told and relax my body. Another kiss on my thigh has my senses heighten but I stay still following his instructions. Slowly he kisses down my leg bring my stocking with him. As he makes his way all the way down he removes my stocking before starting again on the other, only this time slower.

The feeling of him slowly undressing me, his mouth on my legs is magical. I close my eyes focusing on the feeling. As he finishes removing the last stocking my body ignites with anticipation. My legs are now completely bare and his hands wonder over the newly unclothed skin.

Lowering his head between my thighs I feel his breath against my underwear. "Tommy please" I gasp.

"You are so beautiful."

His breath hits my sensitive area making my nipple's harden. Sitting me up, Tommy's mouth is on mine again, his tongue taking over mine as I pull on his hair earning me a growl that makes my body clench. The kiss becomes more urgent as he takes off my bra throwing it to the floor.

"Lay back" he instructs standing up.

Groaning at the loss I do as he says laying back down, Tommy standing over me.

"My my what a beautiful sight."

I bite my lip at his words watching him look at every inch of my body. As Tommy looks over me he removes the rest of his clothes.

"So so beautiful."

A shocked gasp escapes my mouth as he removes his boxers leaving him completely naked. His erect penis at full attention. He's so big! This man could not get any more perfect if he tried. He's a masterpiece.

Tommy urgently returns his lips to mine as he lays on top of me, my hands exploring his back and arms. I feel him nudge my legs apart with his knee as he settles in-between them. The tip of his penis touching my clothed core.

I moan into the kiss at the sensation, his hands finding their way to my breast. Kissing down my jaw to my neck his mouth then latches on to one of my nipples. Tommy's mouth is sucking on one nipple as his fingers play with the other. He leaves no part of my breast ignored as his mouth and hands explore every inch of my sensitive skin.

Continuing to give me pleasure he removes the last of my underwear so I am completely naked beneath him. I can't believe I am naked underneath Thomas Shelby. The man I've always wanted and here he is giving me such pleasure. His hands don't move from my breasts as he starts to kiss over my stomach. Many emotions are filling my head, lust, joy, impatience and I feel quite vulnerable. Being in this position is so overwhelming I'm vulnerable to his every touch and would do anything he asks of me.

Slowly as he kisses sloppily lower down my stomach I feel him open my legs wider. He can see me, all of me. Just knowing he can see every crevasse of my body makes my heart race and pussy wet.

"Tommy please" I moan a little breathless. My need for him growing to a unbearable height.

"You're so wet for me" I hear him groan.

Biting my lip I run my hands through my hair trying to control my urges.

"I want a taste."

As soon as the words leave his mouth I am hit with a wave of pleasure. His mouth has attached itself to my clit licking and sucking on every nerve, a familiar throbbing taking over.

"Fuck" I moan my hands grabbing into his hair. The feeling of his mouth on me is indescribable. My hips involentry bucking at the pleasure "Tommy I need you, fuck me."

Tommy sits up, his mouth grazing mine, I can feel my wetness on his lips. "You want me to fuck you?" As the words leave his mouth. I feel the force of his two fingers enter me making me moan.

"Fuck yes."

He circles his fingers inside me the pleasure intense "with these?"

"No" I whimper trying to distant myself from the pleasure for a second. "With these" I moan grabbing his hardened cock.

Tommy shudders at my touch as I stroke him, his penis rock hard in my hand "please Tommy."

Removing his fingers from inside me he stops my hand from stroking him. My knees open wider as he sets himself in-between grabbing himself, "you want this?"

My hips buckle at his voice my pussy dripping wet "yes."

Laying his body on mine he kisses my lips. I want him so much. The kiss is full of urgency and need.

Moaning I feel his cock rub against my clit in circles. I break the kiss and look up at him and he at me. Its only a moment but we just look at eachother, almost taking eachother in before locking lips again.

Slowly I feel him sink into me, his lips silenting my screams. He feels so good inside me, almost heavenly. His big cock fills my full leaving no empty space.

Rocking his hips I feel every inch of him as he feels me wrapped around him. "You feel so good."

Knowing I'm giving Tommy pleasure turns me on more. Starting slow at first I can see his eyes scrunch up at the feeling of being inside me.

"Please Tommy deeper" I whimper in his ear wanting more of him if it was even possible.

"Fuck" he groans at the sound of my voice before thrusting into me at a breathtaking pace.

I wrap my legs around him and pull his body flat against me. The feeling of him is almost too much, the familiar pressure building up inside me. Bucking my hips to meet his every thrust he pins my wrists above my head leaving me unable to move, then continuing to pound into me mercilessly. I have no control or choice but to take every ounce of pleasure he is giving to me.

"Fuck Tommy" as his pace fastens I know I will definitely be bruised tomorrow. Each thrust has me closer and closer to the edge bringing tears to my eyes the pleasure that intense. It's like nothing I've ever felt. I never want this to end, I want to stay like this with him forever.

I feel my insides start to tighten and clench as Tommy goes deeper and faster.

"Cum for me."

I can't speak no words will leave my mouth, nothing but my moans and whimpers. I wrap my legs tighter around him not wanting to lose any part of this blissful feeling. A few more deep thrusts and my body begins to shake. I close my eyes tight shut and hold onto Tommy for dear life. In just a few seconds my orgasm rips through my body as I scream Tommy's name over and over.

Feeling my muscles clench around Tommy his thrust start to get sloppy and his cock starts to twitch. Two thrusts later his orgasm hits it's high and I feel him cum inside me.

Trying to catch our breath we both lay there still connected, both letting the other calm down after our highs. Silence fills the room, nothing is heard now except our deep breaths.

As we both com round I whimper as Tommy removes himself from me and lays back down.

"That was ..." I pant.

"Great?"

"Better" I smile laying my head on his chest " we should do it again sometime."

"Oh we will be."

I giggle as we both lay there starting to fall asleep. Tonight was the best night of my life, I've never felt this happy and content. We wrap our arms around eachother and close our eyes letting sleep take over our bodies.

I hope you liked it. As I said it was my first ever smut written so if you have any advice or feedback I would be so grateful if you message me. Thanks for reading.

[toomanysurveys9]

1. When was the last time someone saw you naked? I don’t remember.

2. If you could bring someone back from the dead and spend an hour with them, who would it be and what would you do/say? My grandma. I want to tell her about everything and introduce her to my babies.

3. What is the greatest loss you’ve endured? My grandma.

4. How would you describe your current mood? I’m okay. I’m just really, really tired.

5. When was the last time you did something you were embarrassed by? I don’t remember.

6. What was the last thing you lied about? Being okay.

7. Where is your favorite place to have sex? Prefer the bed. It’s so much easier.

8. What is your earliest memory? One of them is singing at my grandparents house.

9. Do you ever drink or get high alone? Nah.

10. What type of a drunk are you? It depends. I start off happy and okay and then I get depressed and stuff.

11. What song (or a few songs, whatever) means a lot to you and why? I get to be the one by JJ Heller.

12. When was the last time you revealed your feelings for someone? Were they accepted or rejected? It’s been a long time, and we’re married now.

13. What was the reason behind your last visit to the hospital? Miscarriage.

14. How do you tend to deal with a breakup? I’ve never really had to “deal” with a breakup.

15. What is the “worst” drug you’ve done? Are there any you will never try, or any you want to try? Weed. And I never want to do any again.

16. What is something you’ve done that you truly regret? Self-injury.

17. What does it mean to you to be a good person? Do you feel you are a good person? I think in some areas, I am a good person. But I could definitely be better.

18. What is your philosophy on life/how do you generally choose to live or conduct yourself? Always keep fighting.

19. Do you view animals as being just as important as people? Why or why not? My pets are family. As far as other animals, while I’m not a vegetarian or vegan, I still believe they should be treated in a humane way and with compassion. There’s no reason to be cruel, such as abusing them or keeping them in harsh conditions. <<< This.

20. When was the last time you were up all night and why? I’ve been up all night a lot. I haven’t been sleeping too well lately.

21. What is the worst thing you’ve done to yourself? What is the worst thing someone else has done to you? I have engaged in self-injury in the past. And I have been sexually abused.

22. What is the most personal thing you’re willing to reveal? Uh, I guess what I shared above.

23. What made you stop talking to the last person you cut out of your life? We just grew apart I guess.

24. Is there a situation or person you haven’t been able to get over/forgive? Yeah.

25. Who was the last person to yell at you? Did you yell back? I don’t know. Either my mom or Jake. I don’t know that I yelled back.

26. Where did your last injury come from? I banged a chair leg into my shin about a week or two ago. It still hurts.

27. What are some kinks or turn-ons you have, if any? I don’t have any kinks. My turn-ons are pretty basic.

28. What are you like during arguments? These days... I tend to shut down.

29. What is the worst thing you have said to another person? I don’t know.

30. Where do you like to be kissed? Forehead kisses are sweet.

31. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel? Both. Eye contact is not my strongest quality.

32. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way? Something Jacob said to Wyatt that wasn’t okay at all. And yes.

33. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them? Jacob. That I love him and to make sure he always tells our babies that I love him too.

34. You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid? I would definitely tell some people. And I don’t know. But I don’t want to think about this with my upcoming doctor appointment. And very.

35. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? There’s no choices to choose between...

36. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dogs life? Why or Why not? Yes I would. Because I can find a new job. The dog won’t have another life.

37. Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most? They’re the same.

38. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you (or did you) do/say? I’m straight, so there’s that...

39. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why or Why not? No. People might think I’m horrible for that... but no.

40. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend? I don’t know.

41. Does love = sex? No.

42.Your boss tells your coworker that they have to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your coworker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company? Why or Why not? I’m in the same boat, so probably not.

43.When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person? I don’t know.

44. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a member of the opposite sex, you love them or that you do not love them back? That I love them.

45. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose? Uhhh. Ice cream. It just makes me happy sometimes.

46. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them. Who were they to you? My daughter.

47. If there was one moment and one time in the last month what would you change and why? I don’t know.

48.Imagine it is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you? Jacob.

49. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not? I’m certified, so yes. Compressions are the most important component if you’re uncomfortable doing mouth to mouth until help arrives.

50.You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your rationale for making the decision? I don’t like this survey. I”m going to be up all night, anxious as shit. So thanks.

51. Are you old fashioned? I guess in some areas.

52. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it? I never expect anything in return for my kindness.

53.Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why? True love. I would rather have been loved for awhile than to feel as though I don’t matter.

54.If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be? I’d wish for all illnesses to be cured and to be able to stay this age forever.

55. What was the last thing you ate? Pizza.

56. What kind of guys are you usually attracted to? I don’t know.

57. What’s the stupidest thing that’s happened to you that ended a friendship? I don’t remember.

58. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve had sex for?

I don’t know. I don’t time it.

59. What reality shows do you watch? The Masked Singer. I Can See Your Voice.

60. Post a video of yourself here: No thanks.

61. Where do you work? A local center for kiddos on the autism spectrum.

62. Have you ever gone up to a car thinking it was yours and tried to get in it? Yeah. I’ve gotten in one once even...

63. Where do you buy most of your clothes? Walmart.

64. If you were very intelligent and had the capability to have any profession, what would you like to be? Psychologist.

65. What’s your most irrational fear? I have a lot of them.

66. How many radio stations do you listen to? There’s two I mostly listen to.

67. What kind of music do they have?

One is popular music, and the other is country.

68. Would you rather go to Greece or Hawaii? Greece.

69. Musicals: Yay or Nay? Eh. Not necessarily my favorite generally.

70. What are the next concerts you’ll be going to? I don’t know. I’m going to a musical in a couple weeks though.

71. What was the last conversation you had with your best friend about? Needing sleep.

72. Are you one of those people that LOVE to hug others? Depends on the person, but not generally.

[lunaschild2016]

No Ordinary Love

An Eric Coulter / Original Character Romance (Formerly Take Your Time)

Rated M: Explicit, Smut, Romance, Angst, Language, Implied Abuse and Addiction

Character Inspiration/Face Claims:

Eric Coulter: Jai Courtney

Lacey Matheson: Phoebe Tonkin (Hayley from Originals)

Summary: Theirs was not an ordinary love. After all, you’re not supposed to fall in love with someone you consider as family, even you don’t share the same blood. But they were in each other’s veins too deep. They only had one night together. One night to be shameless and to finally act on the feelings that had haunted them for longer than either could admit. Afterward, the only thing left to do was to pick up their pieces. Eric/OC AU No War No Divergents

[Sorry in advance if the read more glitches and shows entire post]

A/N: This was previously under the title Take Your Time but during an edit, I changed the title of the story as well as the different parts/chapters to reflect the music that inspired each. Story title, No Ordinary Love, inspired by Sade’s song of the same title.

Disclaimer: I own naught but my own plot and the cherry bombs I throw within. V Roth owns the rest.

                                                    **********

Part  - Pieces

There's too much smoke to see it

There's too much broke too feel this

Well, I love you, I love you

And all of your pieces

Eric

Eric cradled the young woman closer to his body as they huddled together. The slight shelter the formation of boulders and the crag in the rocks they were currently in provided some protection from the storm raging around them. If he could mentally will some warmth into her he would will it all. Every single ounce he had. He would gladly give it all.

“We were able to get the call for help out. They’ll be coming soon.” He murmured close to her face where he held her pressed against his chest. “You just have to hang in there for me, Lacey. Do you hear me? You need to stay with me.” He tried to command her but it came out broken and harsh from the tears threatening to break free.

She groaned but didn’t reply. Eric knew she was fading. Lacey’s lips were tinged with blue and her skin was like ice from rapidly losing what little body heat she had. He was losing her and it was all his fucking fault. “Baby please.” He whispered harshly against her cheek and the tears he had been holding back finally break free but it’s too cold and they seem to freeze in place, joining with the rest of the frozen spots on his skin.

His training and survival skills tell him that moving might help and he found himself rocking her in his arms, hoping that it will stimulate her enough to wake up. He needed to do something, to busy himself so he didn’t feel so helpless or give in to the grief and pain that threatens to consume him.

All those years wasted with a million excuses that he used to stop him from admitting his feelings and crossing every line he believed stood in the way of them ever being together. He had always loved her, that much he never denied. What he did deny was how deep that love went. What it really meant to and for him. It took this storm and the events that brought them to this moment for him to realize there was nothing wrong or shameful about how he felt or what he wanted with her. 

If only he had realized this before it was too late. Before he made the biggest mistake of his life and allowed her to come with him when he left the shelter of the truck to radio for help. But he had just been so damned relieved she was okay after the accident where the transport they were in lost control on a patch of black ice and flipped over twice. She looked fine, a little banged up, but able to walk away with only minor scratches. 

When the crash happened it wasn’t his own life that flashed before his eyes, it was hers. She was all he could think of and he sent up prayers that him ordering her to strap in would be enough to keep her safe. He couldn’t help but be thankful that he insisted on it so much that he even secured her himself. She gave him lip about it, of course, and insisted that if she had to be belted in that he needed to be too. 

That was how the two of them made it out of it in the best condition to make the hike and get high enough to make the call for help. There had been too much interference where the transport had ended up after the crash. The canyons and small mountains for this sector of Amity resided didn’t always provide the most reliable signal. He knew that the only way to get a signal out would be to make it to higher ground.

Eric should have known that just because she looked fine didn’t mean she was fine. 

He also hadn’t accounted for a goddamn blizzard to roll through. Not when a small snowfall was predicted after he checked the weather status before leaving Amity. The storm slowed them down and made the hike much harder on her. About halfway into it, when they were too far to turn back but still had so much further to go, her condition changed and she all but passed out. He could only press on and carried her while she cried in pain and couldn’t walk anymore. He did his best to remain calm so he could make the call and then find them shelter where they could hunker down and wait. 

“They have our position, baby. They’ll get here in time.” He refused to think they wouldn’t. He also knew if they didn’t make it in time to save her then they might as well let him die on this fucking rock with Lacey because there would be nothing left for him.

Why had he fought so hard against what he felt, what they both felt, and wasted so much time? At the time the reasons had seemed so important, so insurmountable. Lacey had been in his life from the time he transferred to Dauntless. He was sixteen and she was just nine. He watched her grow up. 

She was family to him. 

Her sister, Henley, was Dauntless-born and became one of his best friends when he transferred and they were initiates together. Deacon was his other best friend and he transferred over from Erudite with Eric. Henley and Deacon fell in love during initiation and married shortly after it finished. They formed their own family then and included Eric into it. 

There was always this connection between him and Lacey that felt separate, different, than the one he shared with his two best friends. He considered them his brother and sister in all but blood. As time passed his feelings for Lacey changed from how they started. His role changed from protector and friend but he never thought he could or would do more than love her from afar and watch as she grew from an amazing girl into a beautiful young woman. He couldn’t risk losing her or his family and was positive that would happen if he did anything about how he felt, so he never tried for anything. 

When it came down to it, when it mattered most, Eric Coulter the most feared Dauntless leader, was a coward. 

Eric cups the side of her face and strokes his thumb over her cheek as he loses himself in memories of her, of them. His mind drifts back to when it all began. 

                                          ~~No Ordinary Love~~

Visiting day of Eric’s initiation. 

Eric didn’t want to go. He had no reason to go to the Pit where all the friends and families of the initiates would be waiting to meet up. His family would be unable to make it and they had agreed before he ever transferred to wait until after he finished initiation and got settled before they would visit. 

Henley is insisting that he join her and Deacon in the pit where her younger brother and sister will be waiting for her. Henley was right. They are there.  She’s  there. 

Lacey stands proudly in the pit, with her back straight and her chin squared. Wade, their younger brother has his hand clenched tightly in hers. Her rich chestnut hair is pulled back into a tight ponytail but even with it up like that it hangs all the way down her back. The sisters resemble each other enough that Eric can tell Lacey will one day be as pretty as Henley is. Maybe even more so with her unusual eyes. 

It was the first thing that he noticed about her since they are completely different than her older sister's chocolate brown. Lacey’s are a warm, melting caramel color. The pupil is ringed by a light green while the iris is ringed by darker green. It was apparently a trait that skipped Henley but both her younger siblings shared from some grandparent on the dad’s side. Eric would come to find later on that those greens expand or shrink depending on her mood and would tell him more about her feelings than she would ever let show or voice. 

The second thing he noticed was the pride and intelligence radiating in her eyes. He almost got so lost in them that he failed to notice the bruising along her cheekbone and that was exactly what she wanted. Eric wasn’t the only one that didn’t see it right away. When Henley finally noticed all cheerful greetings stopped and she went quiet before hissing out to her sister, demanding to know what happened. There was something in his friend's tone that suggested she already knew what happened. 

Henley never mentioned why she was so worried about how her siblings were doing but it was clear there was some kind of tension at home. He didn’t think it was abuse...but it was something.

Lacey just looked her sister square in the eyes, chin lifted, and lied through her teeth. She told Henley she had gotten in a fight at school. It was a completely plausible story and he could have accepted it, but for two things. Tiny things that neither Henley or Deacon picked up on but Eric did. Her eyes changed as she told this lie. The bright green flared in them right when she squeezed her brother's hand tightly and he looked like he was about to say something. But he didn’t and he looked away from the group to stare at the ground while shuffling his feet.

“What was the fight about, Lace?” Henley asked in concern. 

“The usual. Dad’s a drunk. Mom’s a whore. It’s nothing new, Henley. Nothing I haven’t grown thick skin against.”

Eric found it interesting how intelligently she responded, using a bit of the truth so that her sister would be more likely to believe it. While it gave him insight into her home life and the reason his friend was always so worried about Lacey and Wade, he knew there was more to this story and he found he needed to know.

“Then why did you fight about it?” He ground out the words, eyes narrowed in anger because he could guess what really happened.

She locked eyes with him while he tried to intimidate the answer from her. She never gave in though and didn’t answer. That little nine-year-old girl stood her ground against Eric, who was already gaining a reputation for his intimidation tactics and his training wasn’t even done yet. 

Henley broke the tension, clearly embarrassed by her sister's revelation of their home life, and suggested they all head to the dining hall to eat and have some cake.

He didn’t understand why he was so agitated...why he felt so protective of a girl he just met. His friendship with Henley couldn’t explain everything. Maybe it was because Lacey and Wade were the exact same age as his youngest brother and sister? 

Maybe that was why he made the vow he made as he sat across from them at the dining hall table to always care for them. To always protect them. 

To protect her.

                                         ~~No Ordinary Love~~

Eric almost broke the promises he made to her and himself.

He couldn’t do much for her while he was still in initiation and right after that, he went straight into his training for leadership. He began working non-stop in an effort to achieve the rank of a full leader. He had the goal to become the youngest Dauntless leader and to do so in the quickest time of any leader before him. Henley was just as busy in the clinic being trained as a nurse. Something that was in short supply and that meant long hours for her too. Instead of going back to live with her parents, she moved in with Deacon with Lacey and Wade's blessing and her younger sister's insistence for some reason that neither shared with Eric. So much slipped their notice but Lacey was very good about not letting on that anything out of the normal for them was going on.

It was normal for their Dad to be absent most of the time just like it was normal for her mom to make even fewer appearances than he did. They were both well-known drunks. The father did just enough of his duties in Dauntless so he didn’t get in trouble and he would receive his pay so he could support his habit. And the mother, she earned enough for her’s by having  ‘friends’  that were willing to  ‘gift’  her for the privilege of her company. No matter how disgusting Eric found the entire situation neither of them were doing anything illegal and as long as her father did his job and her mother’s real activities weren’t being reported, Eric’s hands were tied.

It wasn’t until he noticed Lacey behaving oddly and looking sick that he realized something was wrong.

The first time he saw Lacey slink into the dining hall he didn’t think anything was really wrong. He only found it slightly odd that she kept to the shadows and mixed in with a big group so she could avoid detection until she made it to the kitchen doors. He watched as she knocked then waited until someone came out to speak to her. They disappeared back into the kitchen for a minute or so then came back out with a small box that they gave to her. She scampered off faster than he could react to find out what might be in the box, but at the time he suspected it was nothing more than some cake. Dependents were well known for frequently attempting to wheedle the famous Dauntless cake from some of the pushover cooks. Some were more successful than others but in general, they weren’t ever refused. Hell, Uriah Pedrad once managed to talk one of the cooks into giving him an entire sheet cake pan full of cake and Lacey has always been much more charming and persuasive than that little pest could ever be. 

So who could blame him for thinking that’s what Lacey was up to? Who could blame him for thinking that she had been getting some cake for herself and her brother as a treat? Henley had once mentioned that it often took finding ways to motivate Wade to get him to do his homework. Eric hadn’t realized at the time that school had already been dismissed for their yearly break. 

It wasn’t until he saw her doing the same thing almost two weeks after the first time that he knew there was something else going on. He got a better look at her, a closer look than from the far side of the room and with so many people in between them. He noticed things that he couldn’t before. Like how she seemed to have lost weight, the dark circles under her eyes, and how weak she seemed.

Eric knew he needed to get answers about what was going on. He couldn’t approach Henley without worrying her and if he confronted Lacey she would just lie just like she had previously the few times they had spoken. 

So where should he start?

He went to the kitchen staff first since they seemed to know something about the situation and her being there to get anything besides cake was cause enough for him to start with them anyway.

 While dependants aren’t barred from eating in the dining hall it is also very rare that they do. The people that generally eat there are the single adults, initiates during that time of year, or people who are on duty and just grabbing a quick meal on their breaks. Meals in the dining hall are free but the menu is limited and often is a first come first serve basis for the popular items.  Dauntless also has a few places in the main compound where food can be purchased, ready-made, by points. Things like deli sandwiches, burgers or pizza are things that are primarily sold. It was more common to see kids in one of those places by themselves or with their families than it was in the dining hall. 

Because the family living quarters are located in another building that is at least a fifteen-minute walk from the main compound where the dining hall is located it was impractical for them to take the majority of their meals there. Family housing is equipped with full kitchens in the flats and Dauntless has stores where they can buy and stock up on food to prepare their meals.

Eric found that his reputation is both a blessing and a curse. Even the staff in the kitchen had become aware of him and knew how hard Eric could be, how ruthless he was, to those who crossed him. While the cooks and staff could be pushovers he also found out first hand they could be fiercely loyal and brave. They hadn’t wanted to tell him anything that could get Lacey into trouble. No amount of intimidation or veiled threats could get anything from them. Eventually, they told him everything but it took him admitting to them how much he cared for Lacey for them to believe he wouldn't be punishing her. It turned out that Lacey was getting food from the kitchens at least twice a day, from whatever they had readily available and of what they could spare.

The next question he needed to get an answer to was why Lacey and Wade weren’t eating meals at home. Why was she having to go to the dining hall to get meals from there instead of making them something or at the very least going to grab something from one of the ready-made places? It took him using the master key and physically investigating the apartment before he got an answer and even then all he discovered was there was absolutely no food to be found in the flat. Not even a single jar of condiments one would usually find even if everything else had already been eaten. Even Eric’s apartment had those and he never ate there since being given the apartment after initiation. 

At this point, Eric was debating with himself on if he wanted to include Henley when he confronted Lacey about things but he decided he couldn’t. He knew she would feel responsible and guilty for not realizing sooner how bad things were and she was already under so much pressure and stressed out from work. But if Eric was being completely honest with himself he didn’t want to bring her into it. He wanted to be the one to deal with things. Besides, he had a feeling that his investigating what was going on with Lacey would lead to bigger issues and he needed to be able to handle them in his own way. 

There would come a time he would feel that he had never hoped to be wrong about something as much as he did about what he found. But that was a few months in the future.

One morning he ambushed Lacey at her apartment, letting himself in and waiting for her to return from one of her early morning excursions to the kitchens. He learned she would go there at 5 am to help take out the trash, clean, and just get ready for the day in general in exchange for food. 

It was during this confrontation that he found out the true extent of how bad things had gotten.

By this time it was going on two months that they had no food in the apartment and couldn’t get anything from the stores either because she was cut off from being able to access any of the accounts her parents had for things like that. At first, it was because the points account for both parents was empty when she attempted to buy food at the store. Then it was because her father put a block on anyone being able to use the accounts besides him after he gave the excuse that it was actually Lacey and Wade that had burned through the points without him knowing about it. 

It wasn’t as bad for them when they went to school. The lack of food in the apartment was offset by the fact that they could eat there at least for breakfast and lunch. That left Lacey only needing to find things for dinner. When school was dismissed for the year she had been forced to find enough to feed them both at least three times a day and there was never enough to do that, so what she did gather she gave to Wade and went without herself. 

He couldn’t understand why she didn’t just tell someone what was going on and she wouldn’t give him a straight answer why she hadn’t, but he got the impression she was equal parts scared to say anything and also too proud to admit that something was wrong. Eric put a stop to that shit right then and there, even though it was like pulling teeth to get Lacey on board with his plans. 

She was stubborn and independent, insisting she wasn’t going to take charity and that at least the arrangement she had with the kitchen allowed her to work for what she got there. The first thing he did was a little underhanded. It took him reminding her that she promised Henley that she and Wade would have at least two dinners a week with her and Deacon if her older sister moved in with him like Lacey encouraged, even begged, her to do. The only reason those dinners hadn’t happened was that her sister hadn’t had a chance to have dinners with the way her work schedule kept her busy. Eric told Lacey a small lie and said that Henley asked him to take over the dinners with her brother and sister until her work schedule slowed down. Not wanting to upset and worry Henley, Lacey agreed. 

His next agenda was to make sure they had food in the house for her to make them whenever they weren’t eating with him but to do that he had to agree to let her come clean his apartment in exchange for him buying them food himself. Which he did only grudgingly. He still had no plans on letting things ever get so bad again and if that meant they ate all their meals at his place, then that was what he would do. His buying them food to keep at her apartment was more of a backup plan in his mind.

By the end of the ordeal, Eric found his respect for the young girl growing even more than he already felt. While he hated the situation and that she had suffered at all, he was proud of how she had handled herself and how determined and how much ingenuity she had shown in trying to handle things on her own. As much as he admired and respected that side of her he also vowed that he would never again get so caught up in his own ambitions that he forgot her.

                                        ~~No Ordinary Love~~

Eric did exactly as he planned to do and more often than not the Matheson kids were at his apartment, even when he himself wasn’t at home. They became a constant fixture in his day to day life and he didn’t feel right if he didn’t see or talk to them at least once a day. He found himself looking forward to going home for lunch and Lacey being there, already having something ready so his break could be spent relaxing. 

The more time they spent together the closer they got and the harder it became to just allow things to slide with her parents even though he knew Lacey didn’t want to make a big deal of things because she felt so ashamed of them. He knew he was risking upsetting Lacey and making her angry with him, but it had to be done.

His investigation into why Lacey and Wade didn’t have food turned into investigating her father’s claims of his points being stolen and misused. Eric’s first discovery was that there were significantly fewer amounts of points being added to the family account. This turned out to be because Janice Matheson, Lacey’s mom, hadn’t made any point contributions in a long time. In fact, Janice Matheson has disappeared altogether. He had a bad feeling about where it was headed but he couldn’t not investigate. As a leader, it was his duty but even more important to him as the Matheson kid’s self-appointed protector it was something he refused to fail them on. 

His first thought was that Janice had left for the factionless. This conclusion came to him after discussing things with someone who went through the same initiation as him, Four, and who also had recently discovered that the mother he thought died during childbirth when he was really young had actually abandoned him and fled the abuse of her husband and his father. One of the well-known facts about Lacey’s parents aside from their addictions was that they had a very volatile relationship. It wasn’t uncommon for Janice to be sporting bruises or for them to engage in very public physical fights with each other. Could she have had enough and decided to do the same thing as Evelyn Eaton? This was quickly dismissed after questioning and searching revealed Janice wasn’t among the factionless. Even more investigating revealed that she hadn’t even left the compound in years.

When all was said and done Eric’s investigation led to one man, Edgar Matheson, and one conclusion. Under questioning with the truth serum, he admitted that he killed Janice in a drunken rage over something he couldn’t even remember and then he had disposed of her body by hiding it in with the trash that was set to be incinerated. 

Eric hadn’t wanted it to end the way it did. Not with Lacey losing both her parents in one fell swoop. Certainly not with him having to be the one to break this news to her and have been the one to arrest her father. He could only hope any pain for her loss and anger at the role he played would be lessened or made better by Henley and Deacon being awarded guardianship of her siblings, as well as the two of them, marrying and then all moving into a new place together as a family. 

                                       ~~No Ordinary Love~~

Bit by bit and over time it did seem to fade for the three siblings and this new family grew stronger and closer than ever. Henley finally got on a normal schedule and the entire family, Eric included, had at least one meal together every week. On the days when Henley or Deacon needed to work later, Lacey and Wade could be found at Eric’s place or he would just come to their apartment and eat there. 

The family he found in Dauntless by no means replaced his family in Erudite and he remained in contact with them as much as being in a different faction would allow. Lacey seemed to understand the most that while Eric never mentioned how much the distance and restrictions bothered him, he did miss them. She helped ease that for him by befriending his brother and sister who attended school with her, becoming a bridge that connected his two families. 

When he looked back later he would realize that this was the first step in his feelings for her changing and falling in love with Lacey Matheson.

But the only kind of love Eric had ever known was the kind he felt for his family. He hadn’t ever felt about anyone the way Henley and Deacon felt for each other. Growing up he didn’t even have his parents to look to for that kind of relationship either. They got along well enough and were decent parents but they were far from warm to their children and definitely looked at each other as acceptable partners and companions rather than lovers. 

There were many occasions where Eric realized he cared for Lacey a little more than he should but he was always able to explain it away. He was able to rationalize it in his mind that he felt so much more for Lacey because of all that she had been through, what they went through together, and how protective that made him of her.  

Things started to change as she got older though. 

It was around the time she turned sixteen. It seemed like the years passed by in a blink and now the day of her choosing was suddenly coming up. He wasn’t prepared for it and was in disbelief that it could be happening so soon. Eric had noticed that she was growing up and maturing but only in a general kind of way. It was more him recognizing her emotional and intellectual maturity. Their conversations and interactions had changed as she got older and he started seeing her as more of an equal or even a peer instead of the little girl he needed to protect. As far as the physical changes she definitely started to go through, he put blinders on to those. Refusing to see or acknowledge them in any kind of way. Denying even the slightest hint of his body responding to her in ways that he found highly inappropriate. 

The day of the ceremony Eric was calm. Confident that her choice would be Dauntless. Her test had only been a preliminary to what he already knew, that no matter how intelligent she was or how kind she could be, she was much more Dauntless than either of those things. Just this morning he waved away her joking around with him that just because the test had said Dauntless didn’t mean she had to pick it, or that she would. 

“I’ve heard Amity is beautiful in the fall and we both know how much I’ve always loved my visits there.” Lacey slyly remarked over the breakfast table. 

“Nah, you would never make it past the first night with that bunch of hippies.” He muttered with a cocky smirk.  

Now he watches her as she waits for her name to be called and a feeling of overwhelming panic and dread come over him so suddenly it would take him to his knees if he weren’t already sitting. 

What if she really did leave him? What if she picked somewhere else other than Dauntless? 

Lacey had become very close to his sister and brother over the years...would she choose to transfer to Erudite to be with them? 

Then there was that Amity boy that always seemed to be hanging around her at school when he went to pick her up and it was clear he had feelings for her. Did Lacey feel the same enough to want to be with him? 

No way. He couldn’t lose her!

It was then all his willful blindness, all his denial, was ripped away from him and he realized what he had been thinking. He realized the panic and the dread also contained jealousy and hurt at the thought of her ever being with anyone...or at least...being with anyone but him.

It was like unlocking Pandora's box. Now that the thought and realization was there it wouldn’t go back in that damn box. 

It only grew and got worse...and then one night, he was too weak to fight it anymore.

[uswntpoet]

Love on the brain (Part 14)

Hey guys, hope you're doing well. The song in the chapter is 'Without you' by David Guetta and Usher. Sorry for any mistakes, have fun :)

The chapter is also up on Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17576201/chapters/43395533

After a turbulent start to the evening, Kelley and Alex are waiting for the clock to strike 12. They’re standing on their balcony, knowing they’re going to have a pretty great view of the fireworks that are going off a few blocks away at midnight. On the rooftop of the house on the other side of the street, which is a few floors smaller than the one they’re living in, a huge party is going on. The music can be heard up to their balcony, so even though they did not make it to the party they wanted to go to, it at least feels a little bit like they’re celebrating.

“Yo, this is DJ Toxxic, only about half an hour till midnight. Let’s turn up.” the voice of the DJ echoes through the street.

“No way, Kel! That’s the DJ from the World Cup After Party!” Alex laughs.

“Oh my god, you’re right! What are the odds? That’s so funny.” Kelley laughs amazed.

“Must be karma.” Alex smiles, shivering from the cold.

“Feeling cold?”

“I’m freezing.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty chilly, I’ll get us a blanket.” Kelley says, disappearing inside. When she rejoins Alex on the balcony, Alex smiles at her thankfully.

“Thank you.” she shivers.

“Let’s get you warmed up again.” Kelley says, standing behind her and putting the blanket around them, rubbing her hands over Alex’s arms to warm her. For the next 30 minutes they’re standing at the balcony railing, talking and watching the skyline for something to happen. Kelley is standing behind Alex, holding onto the railing, the blanket wrapped around them, keeping them warm.

“Okay guys, a little over a minute until the new year. Let’s start it with a bang! This one is for Alex.” the DJ’s voice says into a microphone and starts playing ‘Without you’ by David Guetta, which is their song from the night they won the World Cup. The crowd on the rooftop starts cheering loudly. Alex turns her head to look at Kelley in disbelief, who grins at her and shrugs.

“Oh, what a coincidence. Somebody must have texted the DJ.” she says, feigning surprise.

“Why in the world do you still know the DJ?” Alex laughs.

“For occasions like this.” Kelley winks at Alex.

“I can't win, I can't reign

I will never win this game

Without you, without you”

Alex leans back into Kelley, turning her head to kiss her jaw. She whispers the next line against her jaw.

“I am lost, I am vain

I will never be the same

Without you, without you”

Kelley smiles at her, losing herself in Alex’s eyes.

“I won't run, I won't fly

I will never make it by

Without you, without you

I can't rest, I can't fight

All I need is you and I”

“10!” the crowd starts counting down.

“Without you”

“7!”

“Withoooooooooooout”

“2!”

“youuuuuu”

“1!”

“Happy new year!!!” everybody on the rooftop screams. However, Kelley and Alex are in another world. They both lean in for a kiss simultaneously, as the fireworks start exploding in the night sky and the beat drops. Their lips clash lovingly. The kiss feels like a promise and is full of passion. The whole moment is magical and everything falls into place like in a cheesy romantic movie.  

“Can't erase, so I'll take blame

But I can't accept that we're estranged

Without you, without you”

When they pull away, they smile at each other brightly.

“Happy New Year, Kelley.” Alex whispers.

“Happy New Year, Alex.” Kelley whispers back.

“I can't quit now, this can't be right

I can't take one more sleepless night

Without you, without you”

They both turn towards the fireworks. Kelley puts her arms around Alex’s waist from behind, singing next to Alex’s ear.

“I won't soar, I won't climb

If you're not here, I'm paralyzed

Without you, without you”

Alex puts her hand on Kelley’s cheek, caressing it tenderly, while looking out over the city and singing the next line.

“I can't look, I'm so blind

I lost my heart, I lost my mind

Without you, without you”

They remain standing there, watching the fireworks, until they’re over, occasionally stealing a kiss.

“Of course, you would pick our song from the night of the World Cup.” Alex says, turning around in Kelley’s arms.

“It was just too fitting.” Kelley smiles and Alex puts a strand of her hair behind her ear.

“I love you.”

“I love you, even more.” Kelley says honestly.

“That’s not possible, because I love you the most.”

“Well, I love you the mostest then.” Kelley says, causing Alex to laugh loudly. Kelley watches her with adoration in her eyes and a huge smile on her face, having to laugh as well. She loves the way Alex’s face scrunches up and how her eyes almost disappear. She loves the way she throws her head back and leans on her, if she’s standing close.  

“What is it?” Alex asks, as she calms down and sees Kelley watching her.

“I missed that laugh.”

“I missed you. So much.” Alex says shakily.

Kelley leans in and kisses Alex softly.

“By the way, it’s true what they say.” Kelley says, grinning at Alex.

“What?” Alex smiles back.

“When Allie says something about us acting like 16-year-olds. The things I say, the things I do are sometimes so foolishly juvenile and I guess that’s how you make me feel. You make me feel like a love drunk teenager and that’s something I never want to end.”

“I never want it to end either. It’s hard to describe how you make me feel, Kelley.”

“Trust me, I know.” Kelley smiles.

“Just for your information, if 16-year-old Kelley O’Hara would have been at my high school, I would have totally had a crush on you.” Alex smirks and winks.

“Girl, if you would have been at my high school, I would have never passed classes.” Kelley laughs.

“Why? You’re smart, babe.” Alex laughs.

“Because instead of learning I would have stared at you all day long, duh.” Kelley states, feigning to be offended.

“And you’re adoreable.” Alex says, pecking her lips.

“You know, I like to think so.” Kelley flips her hair arrogantly, smirking at Alex.

“Don’t get cocky.”

“I have every right to be.”

“Yeah? And why is that?” Alex chuckles.

“Because I made Alex Morgan my fiancée.” Kelley wiggles her eyebrows cockily.

Alex rolls her eyes at her, shoving her lightly, “Are you calling me a trophy wife?”

“Heck yeah, greatest trophy there ever was!” Kelley jokes, making Alex laugh loudly.

“Thanks, but I prefer to be noticed for my intellectual capacity.” Alex jokes back flirtatiously.

“Baby, you're the most stunning woman I’ve ever seen, but that's still the least interesting thing about you.”

“Oh wow, that would get you all the ladies, tiger.” Alex states playfully.

“Hmm nah, I’m good. I only care about this one girl, she’s pretty awesome.” Kelley says, continuing the playful banter.

“Good answer.” Alex whispers, leaning in for a kiss. Suddenly, rain starts pouring heavily, but they continue to kiss. When they pull away, they both look at each other and start bursting into laughter, because their clothes and hair are already soaked after just a few seconds.

“Shit.” Alex laughs, looking up at the night sky. Meanwhile, Kelley bends down and picks Alex up bridal style.

“Kelley!” Alex squeals, “What are you doing?”

“I’m carrying my trophy wife inside.” Kelley winks and starts walking inside. Alex laughs and kisses Kelley’s cheek. With her right hand she wipes the raindrops that are running down Kelley’s face away and pushes her wet hair from her face.  

“You’re mad cute, kiss me.” Alex says after kissing the corner of her mouth. She puts her finger under Kelley’s chin to turn her head and pull her in for a kiss. They continue kissing, while Kelley carries Alex into the living room and sits her down on the couch carefully. However, the kiss still doesn’t end. Kelley is standing in front of Alex and leans down to keep on going.

“I’ll get us some towels and fresh clothes.” Kelley says in between kisses and starts pulling away reluctantly.

“Later.” Alex mumbles and stops her by grabbing onto her shirt and pulling her back in. After a minute, Kelley pulls away again, smiling at Alex.

“No, no, no.” Alex says, following her with her head, wanting to keep on kissing.

“Babe, we’ll get sick.” Kelley says, standing up fully.

“I don’t care if I’m wet, come back.” Alex pouts.

“That’s what she said.” Kelley calls over her shoulder, making her way upstairs.

“Veeery funny.” Alex rolls her eyes.

“I don’t even see you and I know you just rolled your eyes so hard.” Kelley yells from upstairs.

“Ugggh, how do you even know that?!”

“I study you for a living.” Kelley calls from the bedroom.

Alex mouth curves into a huge smile that doesn’t leave her face.

“Hey babe, do you want coffee?” Alex asks loudly.

“Uhh, yeah sounds awesome! Co-”

“I know! Cortado with whole milk.”

“Do you want to marry me?”

“You already asked that.”

“Damn right I did!” Kelley yells proudly.

Alex just chuckles and makes her way to the kitchen. While she prepares the coffee, all she has to think about is how she loves Kelley’s habit of always keeping the conversation going even though she is already upstairs for minutes. Most people would just wait until they’re downstairs again, so they could talk properly, but Kelley never leaves Alex hanging without an answer.

“Chocolate ice cream, huh?” Kelley asks, entering the kitchen.

Alex turns around and looks towards the kitchen island, where she left the empty tub, because she didn’t have the energy to clean it up. She nods her head guiltily. Kelley hands her a towel and lays the clothes down on the counter. Alex starts drying her hair and her face with the towel. While Kelley starts getting out of the wet clothes.

“Damn it must have really been bad then.” Kelley says just as guiltily, knowing that Alex only eats chocolate ice cream, when she is really sad or upset.

“It was. It was a whole tub kind of bad.”

“A whole tub? Aww, babe I’m sorry.” Kelley stops and grimaces. Alex takes a step towards her and puts the towel on Kelley’s head, drying her hair for her.

“Kel, it’s okay. I’m fine, stop worrying.” she says softly, but meaningfully, leaning in to peck Kelley’s lips tenderly.

“Alright.” Kelley says, starting to dry her body and putting her pants on. She reaches for her hoodie, she was pretty sure she brought downstairs, but it’s gone. She turns her head towards Alex, who is in the process of pulling it over her head. When her head pops out, Kelley smirks at her knowingly.

“What? I just want to be cozy.”

“Why don’t you put your own hoodie on then, hoodie thief?” Kelley grins.

Alex looks at her with puppy-eyes, “Yours are cozier and they smell like you.”

“You know that you don’t need to look at me like that, you look hot in my stuff.”

“Well, you look hot in your stuff.” Alex says, biting her lip.

“How in the world can you go from looking like a cute puppy to looking like a fucking supermodel, that’s so unfair. You’re making me go insane.” Kelley groans.

“You’re one to talk.” Alex says with a deadpan look, as she hands Kelley her coffee.

“Oh my god, you’re amazing, thanks babe.” Kelley says, looking at the coffee excited and pecking Alex’s cheek.

“You’re welcome, love.”

“Cuddling?”

“Cuddling.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After an hour of cuddling on the couch together, Kelley looks at her watch hesitantly.

“Do you already have to go?” Alex pouts, noticing Kelley’s change of mood.

“I should get going in 10 minutes or so.”

“I’ll miss you.” Alex says, nuzzling her head against Kelley’s neck.

“I’ll miss you, too.” Kelley says, closing her eyes and breathing in Alex’s scent.

“Okay, let’s get you to the airport then, before I never let you leave.” Alex says.

When they get in the car, Alex immediately rests her hand on the inside of Kelley’s thigh. Kelley intertwines their hands and lift them up to press a kiss to Alex’s hand. Alex smiles at her and never lets her hand go for the whole ride. As they get closer to the airport, Alex grows increasingly more silent. Their goodbyes are never easy, but Kelley knows that it must be very hard for Alex to let her leave after learning about what happened in LA. She strokes her thumb over Alex’s hand reassuringly and Alex squeezes it in response, as if to say thank you. When they stop in front of the gate, Kelley turns to stand in front of Alex, who is still holding onto her hand. Kelley gives her a sad smile, which causes Alex’s eyes to tear up.

“Nooo, hey don’t cry, I’ll be home in 3 days.” Kelley says, pulling Alex into a hug, cradling her head and stroking it softly. A sob escapes Alex’s mouth.

“Hey, Al, look at me. I know I fucked up. It will not happen again, I swear.” Kelley promises.

“I don’t want you to think that you’re alone again.” Alex cries.

“No, I know now, I promise.”

“I sound pathetic, it’s only three days.” Alex says, wiping her tears.

“No, you don’t babe. I understand, okay?”

“Okay.” Alex breathes out shakily, calming down.

“If anything’s wrong, promise to call me!” Alex says urgently.

“I promise. Same goes for you. I’ll call you when I landed and we’ll Facetime in the evening, okay?”

Alex nods her head, “But don’t stress yourself, I know that you’re working all day.”

“I won’t, we’ll figure it out.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Kelley says softly. They both lean in and share an affectionate and prolonged kiss, followed by a bone crushing hug. When they part, they gaze into each other’s eyes longingly. Kelley presses her forehead against Alex’s, taking her hand into her own again.

“Thank you.” Kelley whispers gratefully, letting out a deep breath, as if it was a huge relief to get those words off her chest. Alex reaches for Kelley’s neck with her free hand, stroking her hand over her skin in a calming matter.

“Forever.” she promises, making Kelley’s heart jump.

Kelley leans in again, pecking Alex’s lips a few times, before separating.

“Bye, gorgeous, don’t talk to strangers.” Kelley jokes, as she starts walking away.

“Behave yourself, tiger.” Alex jokes back, waving at her. Kelley waves back and blows her a kiss, before disappearing behind the gate.

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The next three days things are sailing smoothly. Ever since they made up, their communication goes back to normal and their usual long-distance routine kicks in. When they play for their clubs in the NWSL they spent the majority of their time apart either way. Over the last years, they have become experts in mastering this situation. When their relationship started, they decided that if there was no way in being together permanently, they at least had to rock the hell out of this long-distance relationship, but they still really hate that they have to. However, that’s also why their phone calls and Facetime calls always work like a Swiss clockwork and all their teammates envy them for the cute surprises they set up for each other every once in a while. So, when Kelley is on the plane back to New York, she’s really happy to say that the time spent apart was a piece of cake. Nevertheless, one thing never changes and that’s missing Alex like crazy. Even though they are a well-coordinated team, they both know that being together is always better than being apart and Kelley is happy to catch an earlier flight to surprise Alex. On her way home from the airport, she makes a detour to a flower shop, which apparently has very rare and beautiful flowers. Kelley did some research on the plane and found out that they sometimes sell lavender roses, which Alex gushed about a few weeks ago when she saw them on Instagram. When she gets there, she is lucky that they are in stock and buys a huge bouquet. Half an hour later, she enters their apartment as quietly as she can. It smells absolutely amazing and she hears Alex’s humming from the kitchen. Kelley tip toes through the hallway and stops in the doorframe of their kitchen. Alex is standing at the counter, cleaning up the kitchen. She looks breathtakingly beautiful, her hair pushed to one side and it is falling down her shoulder in slight waves, due to letting it air dry. The tone of her humming sounds content and happy and when Kelley catches a glimpse of the side of her face, she can spot a soft smile on her face. Kelley stands in the doorframe for a while, not able to stop watching Alex, as if she put a spell on her. Alex radiates a peacefulness that calms Kelley down immediately and lifts all the weight off her shoulders, making her feel at ease. Looking at Alex, a strong feeling of love overcomes her. It has always been like that for Kelley. Alex holds some type of power over her and it never stops. She shakes out of her trance, realizing that she has been standing there for a while and thinking ‘Stop staring, you weirdo.’

“I didn’t know you could get even prettier in three days.” Kelley flirts, making Alex jump. She turns around and looks at Kelley wide eyed, letting out a happy scream. She immediately runs towards Kelley and jumps into her arms, wrapping her legs around her waist. Kelley catches her and Alex holds onto her face, going in for a bruising kiss.

“You’re here!” Alex lets out relieved, as Kelley lets her down.

“I’m here.” Kelley smiles brightly.

“Hey.” Alex whispers, biting her lip, wearing a huge smile.

“Hey.” Kelley whispers softly, shifting her gaze to Alex’s lips and pecking them.

“I brought you flowers.” Kelley says, holding out the bouquet.

“Oh my god, Kelley. Lavender roses?? They’re so rare, where did you get them??” Alex gasps.

“I did some research. Do you like them?”

“Kel…They’re so beautiful. I love them, I love you, thank you.” Alex says softly, giving Kelley an affectionate look and a kiss.

“Do I smell caramel apple pie?” Kelley asks excited.

“Yeah, I’ve been meaning to pick you up and let it cool in the meantime, but you beat me to it.”

Kelley throws her head back and pumps her fists, “Man, you are just perfect.”

“I hope so is your favorite pie.” Alex laughs.

“Of course it is, it’s my favorite pie, made by my favorite person.”

“Funny that you say that, because I made that pie for my favorite person.”

Kelley holds her hand up for a high five, which Alex accepts happily. They sit down next to each other at the kitchen table and start talking about Kelley’s trip and her new partnership with BMW for a while.

“I’m so proud of you, that’s so exciting, Kel.” Alex says, running her hand up and down Kelley’s thigh and squeezing it. She smiles at Kelley fondly, hanging on to every word that leaves Kelley’s mouth.

“Thanks.” Kelley grins at her proudly, who has been leaning her head on her elbow and now leans forward to press a kiss to Alex’s lips.

“Hey, you wanna see some photos of the upcoming campaign?”

“Is that even a question?”

“Okay, are you aware that you are about to witness top secret material, Miss Morgan?” Kelley asks, channeling her best secret agent voice.

“I am.”

“So, we don’t need to ensure that your lips are sealed regarding this exclusive preview?”

“If you keep talking to me like that, I can’t ensure anything.”

“It’s better to play it safe then.”

Kelley smirks at Alex, observing her surroundings, before quickly kissing her as if they can’t be caught. Alex laughs at her antics when she pulls away.

“Your lips have been sealed, Miss Morgan.” Kelley winks, pulling out her phone. Alex chuckles, shaking her head, waiting for Kelley to show her the first picture.

“You’re so- HOT!” Alex interrupts herself with a loud exclaim mid-chuckle, when she looks at the picture in Kelley’s camera roll. Alex’s jaw drops to the ground and she snaps the phone out of Kelley’s hands, holding it closer to her face to look at the picture in detail.

“Oh. My. God.”

“You can call me Kelley.”

“Uh-uh, shut your perfect face, baby.” Alex holds up her pointer finger, while still going through the photos.

“Okay.” Kelley obeys quickly.

“You have to stop that campaign from launching.” Alex says absorbed in looking at the screen.

“Why?” Kelley laughs.

“Because.” Alex grumbles, looking up.

“Good one, are you three years old?”

“I have my reasons, smartass.”

“Babe, I mean you have the original and not just a photo. No reason to become all jealous again.” Kelley laughs.

“I’m not!” Alex exclaims defensively, making it clear that she is. She looks at Kelley wide-eyed, startled by her own outburst.  

“Okay, can I have my phone back then?” Kelley grins, holding out her hand.

“No!” Alex says, quickly pulling the phone to her chest, turning a bit so Kelley can’t reach it.  

“You are aware that BMW has copies of those, right?” Kelley smirks.

“Tell them, they have to delete them.”

“Okay, I’ll call them and tell them they have to delete every single one.” Kelley teases.

“Except for those on your phone, we’ll keep them. What even are you? A fucking supermodel?” Alex mumbles, taking another glimpse at the pictures.

“You’re crazy.”

“Wait till those photos lunch and all the girls and boys are going crazy.” Alex finally smiles at her, stopping the jokes.

“I choose crazy you, over all of them.” Kelley grins cheekily.

“I know you do.” Alex says, pulling Kelley in by her chin for a tender kiss.

“Babe, those photos are perfect. You’re stunning. This campaign is going to be huge, I know it. Again, I’m really really proud of you.” Alex says honestly, making Kelley smile brightly.

“Thanks, gorgeous.”

“You’re welcome, model.”

Kelley scoffs, while Alex makes her way to the oven, to pull out the pie.

“And Kel?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s not Miss Morgan, it’s future Mrs. Morgan-O’Hara.” Alex mentions nonchalantly over her shoulder. Kelley watches her with adoration, smiling to herself like a fool.

“Thank god, it is.”  

After the pie cooled a bit, they plan their last few days in New York, before January Camp with the National Team begins, all while eating the best caramel apple pie Kelley has ever had, sitting at a table with a bouquet of the most beautiful flowers Alex has ever seen.

[the-bear-neccesities]

It's Time

(Negan x oc wife one shot)

Tonia sat in her survival suit, the one she had arrived in all those years ago in, next to her was a small bag, different from the one she had originally owned but after all of these years being his wife she knew he wouldn't...or rather shouldn't get mad over the bag. It only had things that she needed and owned nothing else.

Negan had taken her in when she was found on the side of the road with her sister rily who was half dead by the time they had been found, immediately taken by her sass and beauty the man had proposed to her. Of course Tonia didn't want to accept because she was a surviver,  but he used the one thing that she cared for against her.

He said Riley would be taken care of, they'd fix her up, the man had known how sick the girl was and knew this was the only way for Tonia to be entitled to the supplies. Toni said yes, and at first it was only her, and then there was more wives, Negan had never known how many women he could actually get to be with him until he offered it as an option to them, most did accept.

Of course some times they left, he was okay with that, Tonia never had...not in all the years of dealing with him, not until now.

No, she hadn't gotten jealous of him favoriting the new wives, or spending his nights with the other ones, Tonia knew what they had was just sex and when he needed it, advice.

Most of the time it was about the other girls, she wasnt like them using sex to get what she wanted, Tonia was a mother to the girls, hell he even assigned her to hear out their list of complaints and 'needs'.

Sometimes it was even about what he should do with the other communities, though when she gave him advice about the latter she always stepped lightly. Despite doing so, the wife had gotten him to grow gardens in the sanctuary and even start on solar power.

Tonia thought it was kind of nice of him, making he feel important. The thought made the mourning woman smile slightly as she sipped her bitter drink and waited. Tonia had never liked this, drinking, that is, before marrying him...but everytime they had kissed Negan had tasted of hard liquor and over the years she had found herself enjoying it..

The girl admitted she'd miss this.

The door opening made the thought disappear and the tired brunette's eyes focus on the man who had entered. Right now, he didn't know yet, it was evident by the shocked look on his face, he was curious...no amused by Tonia's prescence. The wife almost rolled her eyes knowing, what dirty thoughts were going through his head, even now while she was hallowed out, Toni knew what he was thinking about.

At the moment he thought she wanted him.

"Darlen...sorry to burst your bubble but i was planning on seeing Sherry tonight...but if you want to double, you know i won't say no to-""My sisters dead." His chuckled sing song voice was cut off and amused smile fell suddenly at her sorrowful expression and blunt words.

Negan's thoughts of sherry's cherry, were pushed aside as he moved towards his oldest wife in an effort to comfort, his mind went blank on what to do, how to help, but Negan knew he wanted to try.

He couldn't believe no one had told him.

"Toni, i had no idea i am so sorry, when did it-""just after you left- this morning.....don't, i'll be alright." Tonia would be, she had awoken in a fright as Simon banged on her door, wearing only her robe and night shirt, Toni raced out to Rily's room, the savior hadn't needed to say a word she knew from the look on his face what had happened.

Riley had been getting taken care of but she was like the boy in the bubble, she would never have lasted long...postponing was all they could do.

Everyone she passed sent the woman pitying looks, not only because they knew, but because they felt for her, cared about the sorrow she was going to endure. Everyday Tonia was either in the kitchens or the gardens  or with the children, she always gave low point earners a huge amount of points for carrying her heels or getting her gloves or whatever thing she had them do.

Tonia liked helping them and they all had seemingly wanted to comfort their mourning queen. She had been there to hold Riley's body, to put the knife through her skull when she started to  stir and to prepare her for the burial...the woman had cried sobbed for most of the day with hands shaking and Simon was the one to sooth her.

The man had even offered to call negan back...but they both knew he'd be to busy to come, even if he wasn't Tonia didn't want him, Negan was good at a lot of things, but comfort...that wasn't something he was used to dealing with and she knew better than to burden him with it. So Simon was kind enough to hold the woman and sooth her tremblings...But that was simon just being nice. At least that's what she told herself.

That's why she had waited here, after composing herself and letting Simon take over the burial...since she couldn't stomach actually seeing the small angel be covered in dirt,  Tonia waited for Negan to come home. And now here they were in a stale mate, Tonia had set down her glass and held her hand to him in warning to stay away.

The stood there and looked at one another, red rimmed steady eyes staring into dark confused ones, his body was tense and lucille had been left by the door in order to make room to hug the woman, his batting hand felt empty with out her, his fingers twitched with her absence.

"I...I want out negan." The words surprised him, almost more than the first ones she had said to him had and Negan's brows furrowed as he had moved towards the woman.

Negan's gaze loomed over Tonia's body as though he had just realized the change in her apparel he found his voice. "what..."

Her finger tips brushed against his firm chest, one that had she had rested upon and held onto countless times before, this was one of the first times the woman was pushing him away. "You heard me Negan, I want out."

He had heard her and the cogs in his head were whirling for an answer as he stared down at the tanned solmn woman in confusion and hurt. Why would she want out, why now, why wouldn't she let him hold her, kiss her gently why wouldn't Toni just let herself be held?

Why wouldn't she let him take care of her?

Negan looked at her jaw clenching as he took in her survival suit and noted how the dimness of his room made her look older, tired...perhaps it was more than the darkness doing that to her though. At seeing how sad his wife was looking, he shook his head, he had seen this look before and no, he couldn't just let her go like this, she'd need him just like Lucille had.

"....Tonia, you're in shock...you're tired...and possibly drunk you're not thinking straight-""I came up with this hours ago, I'm not drunk or sleep deprived. Riley is gone, there's no reason for me to be here." A light tremor went through out her words as the man moved towards her, causing Tonia to have to brace herself on the sofa, she was determined though and did not break his gaze, no matter how much it caused her to shake.

"no...reason? Tonia i will still take care of you, I want to...let me comfort you and hold you-""No." The words were firm and she stood fully with determination in her eyes as their noses brushed against one another, the comfortableness of doing this with out tremors or the need to move away, wasn't lost on the wife, though she still continued with her words despite her wantings.

"I want out. You knew what this was, just as i did, and now I want out.."  He looked wounded and  his muscled hands shook as he went to touch her cheek, he felt like crying too and he understood she was hurt, but Negan had no idea why she was doing this now...she needed time to process this she'd need to be comforted..

"Tonia...is there someone-""Don't you dare, finish that sentence Negan you know me better than that. " The words were spat and tonia shoved him away angrily causing the man to stumble back due to sheer surprise.

He had crossed a line though so negan deserved her anger, but he didn't see any other reasoning to why she was pulling away..

Tonia looked almost alive now with mane of frizzed hair and angry glinting eyes which died down to embers as she continued to speak.

"I'm opting out, i'll work anywhere in here, that you want me to, though you know i'd do better where there is food or maybe even one of your outings if you care for the idea...but i'm opting out, i've already packed my bag and sorted out my room for the next girl."

He stood there feeling like a boy losing his favorite teddy, or his mother in the grocery store, Negan felt at a loss as  he swallowed down his sorrow and looked down at the woman who stared at him oh so knowingly, he hated how she knew him so well. It felt like he was losing Lucille all over again.

"It's time....we can still be friends...or nothing, like we were before, i really don't mind either way..." He shook Tonia's held out and squeezing slightly as he pulled her into a hug.

She was the closest out of all of them to be like a real wife to him. She was always there to be talked to about important matters, the woman was most involved in his dreams and desires for this place and the future of the other santuaries. No other wife was able to talk to him as easily as she did. Tonia took care of the other wives so he wouldn't have to deal with their nagging and brought up their wants in a way that the man didn't want to kill himself everyday do to their constent demands. Hell, Tonia even cooked for him if that wasn't being a wife he didn't know what was.

In the beginning, Negan even cooked for her and Riley when they first got here, he missed that even enjoying the harem he had he did miss that.

And as he held the woman tightly inhaling her scent, Negan felt a loss for Riley, in some way the young teen had been the closest he had gotten to having a child...the man knew, her younger sister was the closest Tonia would ever get to having one.

Just like with Lucille, children weren't in the woman's future. She returned the hug ever so slightly with gentle hands before stepping back and releasing her fake husbands grip. He looked sad for losing her, for not being there...he remembered the first time he had met the kid, it was when tonia first joined him and she hadn't been there that night, when he wanted alone time.

Negan remembered barging in prepared to give the motherly woman an earful but he found her reading to the half asleep girl and took a seat at the end of the bed instead, watching with almost loving eyes as she finished telling the story. Rily had looked so small and fragile.. and that night Negan took her into his arms and it was one of his favored memories with her.

"I am sorry about Riley, I am so fucking sorry Tonia...you know if i had known i would have been there with you as soon as i could-""you don't have to explain...just call up one of your men to take care of me, i'll be fine..." Negan nodded his head giving her a half felt smile as he stepped back and gave her a once over.

"you look so...you look so much better in these clothes rather than the dresses...why'd i have you wear them?" her own smile came at the price of slight tears glinting in her gaze as she shrugged. "I have no idea..." After that she slung her bag over his shoulder and negan found himself unable to look away from her.

Simon was the one he called up and by the time he had even barked into the walkie, Tonia had left the room and waited outside. Mostly it came from not wanting to spend another moment in the bedroom where  she had first laid with negan, where she had secured her future here.

The man placed an arm around the mourning woman's shoulder and tensed slightly as she rested her head on his. "so...you're single now.." Tonia managed a small laugh at his act of flirtation before the guilt started to come back. "you offering something solider..." he kissed her forehead leading the woman down to her new life.

Negan had bee kind and given her a saviors bedroom though she only would be working in the kitchen and gardens...he had been kind and ordered simon to make sure she didn't start working until at least a week into settling in sown there. Simon was sweet enough to stay with Tonia that night drinking and talking till she snuggled into his warm embrace. 

But morning came and a numbness settled in along with regret, she should have let Riley bite her.

[femnet]

Dear Me 15-Years Ago,

You’re 21 today! This is a day you have been waiting on for a very long time. It seems even longer because you’re the youngest out of all of your friends! Eighteen was considered adulthood, but 21 is that next level of adulthood!  You’re almost finished with college, and about to be out in the real world.  As you wake up today, very hungover by the way (don’t worry, you mostly learned that lesson, you’ll only get that drunk one more time in your life), I thought as your older, much wiser self, I would impart a little wisdom on you.

Let’s start with a couple of easy ones…

Be a better driver! This should be a given, but you’re terrible. You’re about to get into another wreck. What is this, like five? Luckily no one will ever get hurt by your terrible driving, but you will save thousands upon thousands of dollars if you would just pay more attention to the road. And this is before people will start texting and driving. Seriously, your only excuse is that you suck a driving. Take a class!

Listen to your parents. They are literally always right. Every. Single. Time. You’re rolling your eyes now, aren’t you? By the time you figure out that they’re always right, you’ll also learn that it’s either because they made your same mistakes and lived to tell the tale, or that they know you better than you know yourself. Your mom will actually know you’re pregnant before you figure it out. It’s freaky!

That guy that you think is so great right now… he’s not the one! In fact, there will be a few more “not the ones” before you do meet the one. Some of them will be total wastes of your time, but a few will teach you something about what you do want in the one. Don’t stop putting your heart on your sleeve. The one time you wanted to protect your friendship and not follow your heart, you ended up losing the friendship anyway because he got tired of waiting around for you.

Don’t get the store credit card for 20% off your purchase. It sounds like a great idea while you’re buying 10 outfits, but what the clerk isn’t telling you is that the interest rate is 29% or more. Are you going to pay it off the second you get home? Nope! The math doesn’t add up. The store just made an extra 9% on you.

Life isn’t black & white. It’s lived in the grey area, but that area isn’t really grey either. It’s full of color. The older you get the more you’ll realize that there are very few clear cut answers in this world. The values that you are passionate about right now won’t change, you’ll always be socially liberal, but you’ll realize that most issues aren’t as simple as you think they are right now. Learn to have real discussions with the other side and listen to their answers with empathy and understanding. The political climate will get really ugly, and understanding the grey area will be what saves a lot of relationships.

Take the Trip, Experience the Things, But Don’t Make the Rest of Your Life Contingent on a Checklist!

You’re planning a trip with your roommate to Europe right now, and it’s going to be amazing. Life long memories! You’ll go on a couple more with her, and do some other really cool stuff too like going skydiving. Here is the thing that most of your generation is going to get caught up with, and you’ll fall into the trap of for a little bit too: don’t make the rest of your life contingent upon checking off a full list first!

You and so many of your peers are going to have these lists that you want to complete before you get saddled down with a spouse and kids. You’re going to want to see all these places and do all these crazy things that you think you’ll never have another chance to do again and do a degree, you’re right! At 36 you will never again share a hostel in Paris with 8 strangers! But you won’t want to either!

What you and your peers don’t see right now is the whole being tied down thing isn’t so bad! Being tied down means you’ll have people at home when you get there at night after a really bad day. Being tied down means you’ll have someone to wake up to every day, and someone to rejoice in life’s everyday victories with. Being tied down means that you have someone who knows you, understands you, and to run ideas off of. You and your future husband are going to miss this point for a while, and end up breaking up and getting back together so many times your best friends are going to be sick of hearing about him! You both will be too scared to be tied down because you haven’t experienced all the things you want to experience yet, and you’ll cause yourself an ocean’s worth of unnecessary tears, a bunch of really bad first dates, and one “relationship” you’ll really regret.

If you’d let go of what you haven’t experienced yet and just follow your heart, the two of you could avoid wasting a lot of time!  Your friends could too. You’ll see a lot of them continue to add to their list of things to do before kids until they get to the point where they struggle to actually have them. Then you’ll watch them hurt and wonder why they thought it was so important to wait for so long.

No, you haven’t been back to Europe since getting married and having kids, but you will one day.  When you do go back, it will be with a different perspective on the world, and a different budget too! Do NOT travel again where you have to share bathrooms and hot water with strangers! For real! And you know what? If you don’t make it back, that’s ok too. That just means it wasn’t meant to be. The world is too big to see and experience everything in one single lifetime.

Be Comfortable in Your Own Skin

Right now, you think you’re fat. You’ve always thought you were fat. The only thing you see are all the girls who are skinnier than you.  You were made fun of all through school for the size of your butt, your not flat stomach, your small boobs, and your weight. The complex has and will continue to stay with you. You were told by your school that the taunting was boys being boys, and you were expected to just accept that. You were expected to accept that your worth was tied up in boys being boys. The good news is, you won’t let your boys just be boys because of it.

Here’s the thing, the size you are right now, at 21, is the skinniest you’ll ever be! Once you get out into the real world and start working at a job that requires you to sit at a desk all day, your metabolism will start to tank, and it will tank more with each pregnancy. Carbs will not be your friend. Thank your genetics for that. You do need to make sure to take care of yourself and stay healthy (you’ll actually meet your husband in a gym, not the bar you’re walking into tonight), but don’t be so worried about the size of your clothes. That new “best friend” you’ll make very soon who talks constantly about her weight and really gets into your head, she has issues! Get her out of your head! She’s going to ditch you after you have kids anyway. One day you’re going to wish you are as fat as you think you are now.

For as skinny as you are now (yes, you’re skinny), in 15 years your kids will still make fun of you because the fashion choices you are making are absolutely ridiculous! Snakeskin, pleather pants are NEVER a good idea. Neither is purple glitter eyeshadow. Your kids, the people who matter most to you in the world, will never think twice about your size.

And here is the thing about your size, the right guy isn’t going to care if you are a size 0 or 14. He’s going to care about the inside. The guy you meet in the bar who does care about your size isn’t worth keeping around. You won’t remember his name one day when your kid finds your old pictures and asks who he is. You can ask your future husband on any given day what size you are and he won’t have a clue. He loves the way you look at any size! The one thing he doesn’t love, however, is bangs. When you cut bangs and cut your hair to shoulder length, then you’re going to have issues. He hates bangs and short hair. You’ll find a picture many years after you did it and realize what he was talking about too! Just. Don’t. With. The. Bangs!

Money is Important… Don’t Buy so Many Shoes!

You love to shop right now! Over the next few years, that love is going to grow, and you’re going to quite literally have a closet full of shoes and drawers upon drawers of makeup! Unfortunately, what you don’t see coming right now is a huge recession and that closet full of shoes is going to mean nothing when you have bills and a baby to pay for! Instead, you should have saved and invested some of that money! I know, super boring, right? But hear me out…

If you had invested some of the money you spent on things that will both go out of style and not fit you anyway in a few years, invested into a small company like Amazon, that money will be there when you’re stressed about how to both buy diapers and keep the lights on. You can still have some nice shoes, but 7 pairs of red heels that you’ve mostly only worn once is a bit over the top!

Start paying attention to money trends and what is gaining momentum early on, then chase it! Just think, if you’d started your blog 15 years ago, when bloggers weren’t even really a thing, where would you be?

On the subject of money, always pay more than the minimum on your credit cards. Go ahead and calculate how much you’ll pay over five years in interest and fees if you don’t. Go ahead… I’ll wait… Ugly, huh? There is your next great trip, by the way! Put more than the minimum down on your house. You’ll have more leverage later when you need to refinance. Listen to your dad when he says to have three months saved up! You’ll be laid off during the recession and not given much of a severance package. You’ll need that money and will be extremely stressed out because of it. Then you’ll be fired again one day and be glad you have some savings while you work things out (you’ll wish you had more, you’ll always wish you had more).

Don’t Put Work First. Check Your Priorities!

There is going to be a big push with companies for the “team” environment. There will be a bunch of studies coming out about how employees work harder, and perform better when they feel they are part of a team or work family. The thing with that is, there are very few companies who really adhere to that philosophy: those will almost always be small startups with very little money. These larger companies you’re working for that are touting this mantra have one goal, and that’s to make you work harder for less money. The goal is for you to put the company before yourself. When you believe in your team or the company so much that it is your main priority, you’re much less likely to call foul when something is not right. You’re much less likely to cause trouble. That “open door policy” all of these companies say they have is B.S. Don’t use it and talk to your boss about anything. It will always bite you later.

The other thing that will happen is that you’ll put work ahead of people.  You’ll miss weddings of dear friends, baby showers, visits with family because you believe that if you just put the company first that it will pay off. You’ll believe that they will see your dedication and reward you for it one day. The thing about it is, that the companies will never put the employees first and they will turn on you in a second to advance a different objective. It will happen to you and it will happen to many, many people you know. When you’re looked over for an opportunity for a promotion, or let go from the job you put first, you’ll be full of so much sadness but in hindsight, you’ll realize you weren’t sad because of the missed work opportunity. You’ll realize you’re sad because you missed life opportunities. You’ll hurt or even lose important relationships because your priorities were not in check.

Embrace Your Mistakes

I know, at 21 you think you have all of life’s answers, and you mostly do have your act together compared to a lot of people your age, but one day you are going to laugh at yourself and your “maturity.” If there is one thing you need to do more of, it’s not taking yourself so seriously, and laugh at life’s blunders! There are very few mistakes you can make that cannot be fixed. You’ll take a lot of your mistakes to a whole new level by over-thinking how you fix them!

Instead, choose to pause, learn something, then just laugh at yourself! Every mistake you make is an opportunity to learn something new about yourself, and will ultimately point you in the direction you’re supposed to go. You can choose to go in that direction with joy and laughter or kicking and screaming but either way, you’re going to go the way you’re meant to go.

You’ll make one huge “mistake” in a few short years and not realize that antibiotics hurt the effectiveness of birth control pills (so doesn’t not taking the pills at the same time every day). You’re going to be totally shocked when that mistake catches up to you and you realize your life is going to go in a totally different direction than planned. You’ll even spend the first couple years of motherhood & marriage mourning a lost youth, watching others continue to check off those lists they made, and not enjoying that time with your baby. That “mistake” actually gave you the kick in the rear you needed to grow up, and he’s a pretty awesome kid.

By the time you have your second kid, you’ll have learned to laugh at life and you’ll be surprised at the difference it makes for your family. Baby number 2 won’t be as fussy because mommy isn’t so stressed! Failure isn’t always a bad thing if you just learn to look at it differently.

Always Trust Your Gut

You know that gut feeling you get? You should listen to that more. Those feelings aren’t just thoughts in the back of your head. They’re really God telling you the direction you’re supposed to go, or protecting you from something. Trust it and listen to it more. When you start to feel things like maybe that boss isn’t a good person, go ahead and jump ship before the job turns bad. Those times you feel like it’s time to leave the party then just get up and go. When you get that weird feeling that you just need to call someone or go to them, do it. Don’t think about it and second guess it. That person needs you in that moment. Even those people you haven’t talked to or seen in a while. If they’re suddenly on your mind, that’s God telling you they need to hear from you.

By listening to your gut feeling, you’re trusting and believing that God has a plan and showing you have the faith to follow it.  In your moments of the deepest trials, whether its money trouble or marriage issues, as long as you continue to trust God’s plan, everything will turn out ok. Most of the time you won’t have a clue as to how it will be ok, but at that moment all you’re supposed to do is trust that it will. Don’t lose hours upon hours of sleep worrying because none of your worries will lead to any kind of clarity that will help. It’s when you let go of the control, and have faith that you will find your clarity in the hardest of situations.

You’re Capable of More Than You Give Yourself Credit For!

You’re full of self-doubt. You question constantly whether you can accomplish your goals. The thing you don’t know right now is that you have some grit about you, and when you need to dig your heels in, you do it with everything you have to follow through on your commitments and promises. You achieve some pretty amazing things this way. Remember that when you start doubting yourself and get tempted to settle for another job you hate right after you decide to finally go after your passion for writing. Keep at it, and you’ll figure it out! You won’t let yourself fail!

Above all else, enjoy this time that you’re in, and love those who really matter with everything you have!

Sincerely, 36-Year Old Me

[feelthebridgesburn-blog]

fear of change }} drabble.

cw: emotional abuse, cheating, drinking, drugs

     “So where’s Nicki at, she didn’t wanna come for the big announcement?” Casey stood in a circle, Jax beside him, then Margo Anderson -- a model he'd recently done a shoot with -- and then Patrick Frazier, who asked the dreaded question. A few years back, Margo and Patrick used to date, and during that time, they went on a few double-dates with the Sawyers, but lately it was becoming more common to see Casey with Jax, even on the night of his big announcement that Leaving Independence was going back on tour.

     “She’s been pretty busy lately is all,” he claimed, shrugging. It wouldn’t be the first or last time Nicole’s habits took priority over things like this, and it wouldn't the the first or last time he had to lie about it. Once upon a time, Nicole claimed a seat front-and-center to every Leaving Independence show, but now he couldn’t even expect that from her, so there was no way he could expect her to show up to this. The two of them earned their title as well-known party animals after their wedding, in which they both exchanged vows outrageously drunk, and then stumbled their way down the isle to throw up through their entire reception. It was the lifestyle everyone associated them with, but while Casey had become more tame to some extent, he was now linked by law to watch as Nicole declined further and further.

     “Well hopefully she makes the next one, I miss seeing her,” Margo mused, shrugging.

     “Yup…” Casey took a long swig of some cocktail Patrick handed him, his face souring a bit at the taste. “Maybe the next one,” he said passively.

     “She’s gonna start getting worried about you and Jax hangin’ out so much. Then she’ll start to show up,” Patrick teased, shoving Casey’s shoulder.

     Casey rolled his eyes, downing the last half of the drink, pointing at Patrick with his eyebrows perked up. “You, sir, are outta your mind,” he insisted, but Patrick would never know how right he was, and Nicole probably didn’t realize how worried she should have been. For the last year, Casey and Jax had stealing kisses behind closed doors, sneaking around behind the backs of everyone who knew them. They got away without suspicion because they were already close friends, as well as business partners. They’d been playing together for years, and Jax was even a groomsman at Casey’s wedding. No one aside from the stranger parts of the online world seemed to think much of them. Even Casey’s band mates didn’t know how close they’d become. Nicole especially, being dazed on something more often than not, was completely oblivious.

     “Are you sure you have to go home? It’s only midnight,” Jax muttered, his hands resting on Casey’s sides. The two of them stood in the entryway of his apartment, where they’d been struggling to part ways for a half an hour or so because they kept getting caught up talking. Casey leaned his back against the front door, his hands cupping either side of Jax’s face.

     “I’m sure,” he said, stealing another kiss from him, remaining close enough after parting that he could feel Jax’s breath on his lip any time he spoke, causing chills to run along his spine, sending a surge through his heart.

     “Really sure?” Jax asked.

     “Yes, really sure,” Casey whispered, smiling. “If Nicole wakes up puking or something, I don’t want her to be alone or wake the kiddo up. Plus I still have to get the house in some kinda order. You see, this wouldn’t be such a hardship if you would ditch your plans and come over tomorrow.”

     “You know where I stand on that,” Jax stated, smiling.

     “And you know where I stand on this,” Casey remarked with sharp eyes, finally prying himself away. “I’ll be around okay?”

     “Me too. Lemme know things are cool when you get back.” Jax stepped out of the way so Casey could open the door.

     “Why, so you can rub it in my face that I should have stayed?”

     “Alright, smart ass, maybe it is time for you to go.”

     When Jax said that, Casey couldn't help but wonder if the double-meaning was intentional. He paused for a moment, then scoffed a little, still with a smile tugging faintly at the corner of his lip. "You're probably right," he agreed. “I love you.”

     "Yeah, yeah. Love you too...” Jax grinned.

     “Thanks man,” Casey waved to the cab driver that got him there before stumbling up to the door, where he proceeded to fumble with the lock on their door, practically the only thing they had left to fix in the place. The sound was punctuated by a loud croak, followed by a loud bang. “Ow, shit,” Casey backed away from the entryway table, where he hit his hip trying to get in. He wasn’t used to the layout quite yet. In their old apartment, it was easier to navigate in the dark because there weren’t many places to go, and there wasn’t a whole lot to bump into. The new house was like a death trap in the dark.

     Elise’s door was shut, the light turned off.Their door was also closed, but he could see in the crack underneath the door that a light was on. He stood with his hand on the knob, drawing a deep breath through his nose, then exhaling it through his mouth. The potential that she could have been awake was almost enough to make him turn around, but when he got into the room, she was far beyond the realm of sleep. If not for the subtle rise and fall of her chest, he'd have assumed the worst. Nicole never left any evidence behind. There was never paraphernalia strewn about, or bottles laying around, but he was sure they were there somewhere. The blood dried to her upper lip told him everything he needed to know, though in the back of his mind, he knew he wasn’t much better. Casey and Nicole’s only difference was their ability to function through their vices. In fairness to Nicole, Casey had also been dealing with his for a lot longer. 

     He looked down at her, laid out on her back with her arm over her eyes, with no chance of rising from whatever stupor she’d thrown herself into. She used to work out regularly, to the point of being able to beat him in an arm wrestle with little effort at all on her part, but she’d become frail in the last year or so. If he did manage to wake her, he never knew what state he would find her in. It was a gamble between dealing with a normal, but clearly tired -- and perhaps even remorseful -- version of Nicole, or a crazed version of Nicole that could throw punches while still bawling her eyes out. Unsettling as it had been to establish this, Casey had learned the hard way that it was better not to find out.

     He stared at her for a long time, his stomach in knots and not just from drinking. It pained him to think that there was a time when they were younger that she would have attended that party. They would have stayed until the party ended, and then gone off on some kind of adventure, and after that they would return home and fall asleep together until the following afternoon. Those days were long gone, and every time he saw Nicole now he found himself missing them more and more, but that relationship -- that world he longed to return to -- no longer existed. The person he married would have never struck him in anger, nor abandoned him on important nights like this. All in all, everything they’d built together seemed to be withering away.

     The wild nights and deep conversations he loved sharing with Nicole, he was now sharing with someone else, though that didn’t mean Nicole meant nothing to him. She could never mean nothing to him. There was a part of Casey that would always cling to the hope of waking up with everything back to normal, having simply experienced a really long, horrible nightmare. He’d have even settled for a change of heart, followed by the reconstruction of their marriage, but the ache in his chest was too real to chalk it up to a bad dream, or a phase. This had to be the end, or close to it. He couldn't tell anyone; he wouldn't tell anyone. He loved Nicole, and couldn't stand for anyone to hate her over it, or think of the two as anything other than what they had always been.

     So, what was he supposed to do? How was he supposed to accept the end?

     Even with Jax waiting on the other side, Casey couldn't bring himself to climb over that wall. A part of him was still fighting that change with everything in him, running from the ultimate confrontation by leaning over and kissing her forehead, because feigning normalcy was a lot better than accepting something so devastating -- something so foreign. He pulled the covers over her and turned out the light, opting to sleep on the couch for the night.

[thebarsondaily]

Of A Perfect Chaotic Wedding by roseinutopia

Title: Of A Perfect Chaotic Wedding Author: roseinutopia Rating: T Prompt: cherry blossoms Summary: Olivia and Rafael get married, and of course their friends and family prevent the weekend from becoming ordinary. Barson, Fia/Mike, Barba Family, SVU squad family, Rita Calhoun A/N: Wow, okay, this once again got out of hand and ended up being way longer than I intended. A big thank you to barsonaddict, who had a look at it during the production phase and reassured me once again that I hadn’t fucked up. I hope you all enjoy this, I’m looking forward to your feedback! :)

Olivia Benson had never been that kind of woman that dreamt of romantic spring weddings, lacy white wedding gowns and all these traditional activities for weddings that were discussed in those bridal magazines she’d never laid a hand on.

She’d learned early in her life that there were no fairy tales in the real world, that life usually held mostly negative surprises, and that finding Prince Charming who would remain Prince Charming forever was an impossible task. In the last decade or so, she’d started to come to terms with being alone, a single mother, and opposite to what many pitying mothers in the waiting room of doctors or at the preschool had predicted, she didn’t feel miserable about it at all. Noah made her happy, the happiest she’d ever been in her life, and she didn’t need anything else.

No spring weddings with pastel colours, every shade carefully matched, from the flowers over the bridesmaid’s dresses and the groomsmen’s ties. No big crowd of guests,  witnessing a moment that was just about two people vowing to be together forever - or at least until one of them decided it was time to part and find younger partners. Olivia had never aspired to be part of such an event, except maybe as a guest, able to drink as much wine as she wanted from the open bar while the sappy speeches were delivered.

And yet…

As she watched herself in the mirror, her fingers nervously smoothing down the knee-length white dress with some lace, her hair in soft curls and everyone around her bustling to get ready, she couldn’t help but smile. It didn’t feel odd at all. Maybe because while she knew that some of the decorations were straight from the latest issue of Bride Today – Lucia really needed to diversify her reading – she knew that it wasn’t big, not exaggerated, but simply about celebrating a connection with their closest friends and family.

“You ready, Liv?” Amanda asked softly, stepping in to hand Liv her bouquet of flowers, and she gave her friend a happy smile.

“Yes, I can barely wait.”

“Well, but don’t run down the aisle, Liv, we don’t wanna give Mrs B a heart attack because the photographer is missing all the good wedding shots,” Fin joked with a relaxed grin as he straightened his tie, and everyone in the room chuckled; Fin’s chest seemed to swell a little at the sight of Rita Calhoun smirking before turning to the only picture of slight misery in the room.

“Fia, you want some champagne?” she teased the young woman who was trying to keep her head from dropping from sleepiness while dabbing makeup on a giant hickey on her neck.

“Oh, fuck off, smartass. As if you were any better last night,” Fia grumbled, placing her curls over shoulder so the hickey was concealed, and stood up slowly. “And may I remind you who didn’t stop me from ordering cocktails? You’re a witch. Someone got an aspirin?”

“Well, yes, we drank just as much, but we at least got some sleep tonight, unlike a certain young lady here.”

Amanda, Rita and Liv exchanged triumphant grins, obviously enjoying the situation, and Fia, holding up the rose-coloured skirt of her dress, slipped into her heels, glaring at them. “I’ll never trust you guys with a drink again.”

“Don’t act like you didn’t have fun last night, it was quite obvious, despite the awkwardness. You’re just annoyed we all know by now what you were up to.”

“And it was a wild night for everyone,” Amanda added, then turned to Liv. “And you almost didn’t want to have a party at all.”

OoO

“Oh come on, Liv, you only are a bachelorette once in your life! See, I’m that optimistic about Barba and you. You gotta have a party,” Amanda pleaded, Rita and Fia standing right behind her as backup, while Olivia took off her glasses and put them on her desk.

“Another ambush? You’re not going to give up on this, huh?”

It had been two weeks since the other women had first proposed a bachelorette party, and even though Liv had kept declining, they were in her office yet again.

“Come on, Liv, a little party never killed nobody,” Rita argued and Fia nodded, though looking on the verge of teasing her about her use of words.

“Besides, we now got an idea that’ll convince you.”

Raising her eyebrow, Olivia gave them a ‘try me’ glance and the women exchanged triumphant grins.

“Either you don’t want the boys running off to a strip club with your fiancé or you just want Rafi to be there, too, for a simple pre-wedding party. We assume it’s the latter, and so we would like to propose a normal party with all our friends and colleagues. No strippers, except you want to share one, just some drinks at a bar with live music and some dancing. How does that sound?”

Fia and Rita shot Amanda confused stares – they hadn’t discussed bands – but quickly smiled at Liv as well, to make her think that they’d come up with this together. The three women held their breaths in anticipation as Olivia looked up at them, arms crossed in front of her chest, chair tipped back a little.

It seemed like an eternity had passed until she finally smiled a little, shrugging.

“Okay, that sounds nice. I’m just against anything too big or cheesy. Just a nice, relaxing evening with friends, please.”

“What the bride wishes, the bride gets, Liv,” Amanda answered with a grin, exaggerating a little by giving her a thumbs up and a wink. “I’m your bridesmaid, I’ll take care of everything. With my two grooms… women here. Okay, we gotta go. Come on, girls, we have a party to organise.”

Before Olivia had the chance to change her opinion, the three women turned on their heels and marched out of her office, banging the door close behind them. Releasing a breath, Olivia leaned back in her chair and pinched the bridge of her nose when she thought about the fact that she would have to break the news about the party to her fiancé. Hopefully he would just embrace the opportunity to get drunk and watch his mother do the same and embarrass herself instead of seeing that yet another aspect of their wedding was taken out of their hands. While he’d accepted the lack of control – there was no point in arguing with Lucia – he’d become rather passionate in expressing his objections lately, and Olivia could already hear him making an unwilling noise and say that he would stay home with Noah.

Though Olivia couldn’t help but suspect that he secretly liked that he didn’t have to stress about organisational stuff but had someone almost professional for that job with Lucia. And he probably didn’t feel as negative about the decorations either. He just liked to play the grumpy groom for the alliteration.

-i-

Outside Olivia’s office, Fia and Rita were feeling light rushes of panic at the developments, and after exchanging some nervous glances – once again – Fia decided to confront Amanda about her sudden change of plans.

“Uhm, Amanda? How do we organise a live band on such short notice? I mean, I’ve had connections for the stripper, but a band is a little trickier… you really gotta stop these spontaneous ideas.”

Amanda smirked at Fia’s worried tone, glancing over to the desks in the squad room. “Oh, I already know. I just say ‘The Cuffs’.”

Fia cocked an eyebrow. “The Cuffs? Is this some weird bondage thing? I thought we were going for an ordinary party.”

“And you pride yourself to know the best bars and the best live bands in the city? Oh please,” Amanda teased and gestured for Rita and Fia to follow her, then she strode over to Sergeant Mike Dodds’ desk with a winning smile. She knew that he wouldn’t say no, for several reasons, though she’d deduced the most important one from the way he’d tried to hide that he’d been glancing over to them again and again. Time to put a foot in the door and kill two birds with one stone.

“Oh Mike, I was just telling Fia and Rita about the awesome music you and your band are making. And Delfia here had the amazing idea that maybe you guys could play at the little pre-wedding party that we’re planning for Olivia and Rafael. She’s totally into rock music,” Amanda said in an Oscar-worthy innocent and casual tone, while Fia could barely control her expression. The smile she shot Mike was a little crooked, but it still seemed to light up his face a little. Rita noted that both were getting slightly pink cheeks and was glad for her perfected poker face, otherwise she would have grinned like a Cheshire Cat upon realising what Amanda’s hidden agenda was.

Lucia Barba would be proud.

“Oh, really?”

Mike sat up a little straighter, his face lighting up, and Amanda was sure that he could barely suppress the urge to straighten his tie to look even more presentable.

“Well, I just happened to hear that you guys are good and Liv would surely like having someone she knows provide some special atmosphere to the party.”

Amanda and Rita had to admit that Fia was quite good at improvising, though Mike seemed too distracted by her mere presence to be able to pick up on it, anyway. And combining that fact with the winning, charming demeanour she displayed upon continuing to speak, he really didn’t have a chance anymore. “It would mean a lot to her, surely. And I would appreciate it too, of course. Music can be the make or break of a party.”

She used the deer eyes for good measure – go big or go home was one of her favourite mottos – and Mike had visible trouble to appear casual when he met her gaze; Fia found herself thinking that it was adorable.

“Well, if Liv is okay with it… I’m sure the others would be up to it, too.” Fia smiled gratefully, swearing to herself that she would give Amanda hell for doing this. Though she should probably have anticipated that a trained detective would notice the interested glances she’d thrown the handsome Sergeant when Rita and her had entered the squad room earlier. He totally wasn’t her type, but well… a lady could have a look at what the menu had to offer. “Amazing, Mike. We’re really looking forward to your performance, then,” Amanda said with a smirk, turning to the women with a wink, and Fia would have grimaced at her if Mike hadn’t still been looking at her. Something inside her started to prickle as their gazes met again, and for a second she was in danger of getting lost in his green eyes; she was more than grateful when Rita nudged her lightly, muttering something about getting lunch together into her ear. She rolled her eyes about the knowing smirk on Amanda’s face and inwardly prepared a speech about how looking didn’t mean she wanted something from him and that she was too busy with work and the wedding to even think about something else than casual one time things, but Amanda marched off towards her desk before she could start ranting.

“Was that really necessary?” she hissed to Rita when they made their way towards the elevator, throwing a last grateful smile to Mike Dodds.

“He said yes, didn’t he?”

“He probably would have agreed anyway.”

Rita just smirked to herself, knowing that arguing about what had just happened wouldn’t be of any use. They’d achieved their goals for the day, and that was all that mattered.

Now their focus would be a hell of a party.

OoO

There was a light knock on the door and Lucia entered a moment later, leading Jesse and Noah into the room with a soft smile. “Our adorable flower kids are ready! Oh, Olivia, you look wonderful!”

“Mummy is always pretty,” Noah said while fiddling with his bow tie, beaming at his mother. Jesse was holding the basket with the petals of cherry blossoms tightly, looking a little nervous about the task ahead. Everyone had said that it was an important one, and she really didn’t want to do anything wrong and upset Auntie Livy and Uncle Rafa.

“Thank you, baby, that’s sweet of you.”

Olivia chuckled lightly and gave her son a kiss on the cheek, feeling a little emotional. How much he’d grown, and how much their life had changed from good to even better, thanks to the man that was waiting for them outside. Shaking her head to hold back tears – Rita had invested too much work in the makeup to allow it to smudge – and straightened her back. “Is everyone good to go? Fia?”

“I’ll try not to throw up,” Fia grumbled back, skillfully ignoring her aunt’s glare as she took the small bouquet from her. “Let’s go before Liv loses patience and elopes with Rafael. I’d never live in peace again.”

Rita chuckled, obviously loving the snide remark, and Lucia’s lips became a thin, disapproving line for a moment before she seemed to push a button inside and became her vibrant, overly-excited self again.

“She’s right, we should get going. Oh, Rita, Odafin, I thought maybe you two could walk down the aisle together, as the oldest and best friends of Olivia and Rafael and brides… eh… bridesman and groomslady?”

Lucia frowned lightly as she stumbled over the not so traditional role allocation, but she didn’t let it stop her for long. “Now hush, Olivia wants to get married! After last night you owe me that, Rita!”

Fin and Rita both hesitated for a second, exchanging almost tentative glances, but when Fin offered Rita his arm she took it despite showing signs of reluctance. A pleased sound, almost like a coo, left Lucia and Rita rolled her eyes when Lucia said in a high-pitched tone: “Oh, don’t you two look wonderful together?”

“Let’s get going, okay?” Rita grumbled and Amanda took Noah’s and Jesse’s hands, leading them to the door before any discussion could come up and ruin the mood. Everyone followed them, with Lucia hastily slipping past them so she would be able to get into the room in which the wedding ceremony and celebration would take place before they would start everything with their entry.

“Are you two ready?”

“I’m nervous,” Jesse admitted quietly, looking up at her mother with worry in her big blue eyes, and Amanda knelt down carefully, pushing one of her blonde curls out of her face.

“You know that’s okay, baby? It means you care. But there’s nothing to worry about. Noah is with you and you two just throw the petals for Auntie Olivia and give them the rings, I know you can do it.”

She pressed a kiss on her daughter’s forehead and Jesse smiled tentatively when Noah took her hand, her best friend’s presence obviously giving her courage. Everyone smiled fondly at the two children as they got in position, and Olivia felt her head swimming with excitement and joy. There wasn’t even the tiniest trace of doubt inside her, and she found herself almost shifting impatiently, anticipation bubbling inside her while everyone lined up according to Lucia’s carefully outlined plan. Releasing a breath upon the start of the soft music played by a string quartet, a soft smile came onto Olivia’s face.

The procession slowly started moving – nobody dared to walk too fast lest to provoke Lucia’s anger – and in this moment Olivia barely had more than a few fleeting glances for the beautiful and tasteful decoration of the room, soft colours and fabrics everywhere, accompanied by candles. Neither did she pay much attention to the guests sitting in a circle around the middle of the room, knowing that she would have enough time to be emotional about all the old friends and family who’d decided to witness this day and share her happiness.

Even the music – and Lucia’s soft sobs in the front row – faded into the background when her gaze fell onto the man standing under the canopy of dark wood, fabric and branches with blossoms wreathed around it. Their eyes met as if they were naturally drawn towards each other, and her heart jumped when she saw the tears shimmering in his eyes, his face wearing an expression of pure happiness.

In just a few minutes, she would marry this man, the love of her life. A promise to share her life with him, the good times and the bad, and there’d never been someone in her life whom she felt so ready to commit to in this way. Saying it out loud today, in this small ceremony, might only be a symbolic ritual to her, for they - and everyone around them - had been aware of their special relationship for years, but yet she felt like it meant a lot. This way, she could let the whole world know that she was his and he was hers. And after years of waiting, she really did have the desire to scream it out loud.

Their gazes remained locked, barely aware of how Jesse and Noah threw the flowers with proud grins, how Rita and Fin parted and took their places on the left and right sides of the canopy, joined by Fia and Amanda. So they also were oblivious of how Fia tried to avoid and searched for the gaze of a certain Sergeant seated in the second row with some other SVU colleagues, which resulted in a quite amusing expression that she tried to mask with a smile.

“Glad you came, mi amor,” Rafael whispered with a smirk when she stopped next to him, lacing their fingers together.

“Wouldn’t have missed this day for nothing in the world,” she replied softly, both of them ignoring Lucia’s loud sobs. Pure joy was radiating between them, and in this moment, all the stress and chaos around the organisation of this day was forgotten – just as the fact that the previous night hadn’t gone as planned either, and that some people in the wedding party had in fact almost missed this day.

OoO

The bar was well-filled with friends and colleagues when Rafael and Olivia arrived, and the moment they were through the door Rita stood in front of them with drinks. “Oh, there you are. We’d been worrying you wouldn’t get Rafael to attend. I know he can be such a party pooper.”

Rafael shot Rita a sharp glance, taking the scotch from her and shot back: “Rita, I’m not sure you should come to the wedding at all. You’re handling divorces as well, that would be like, y’know, testing fate. Fia will handle being my witness on her own just fine.”

They all knew that he didn’t mean a single word, that he was just trying to act grumpy and inconvenienced, yet Rita made a show of gasping and placing one hand over her heart.

“Wow, why didn’t Lucia tell me? I would never want to endanger your happy marriage. Of course I’ll stay away.”

“As if, you couldn’t stay away from free drinks,” Rafael teases lightly, the corners of his lips twitching upwards, and Rita slapped his shoulder lightly before making an inviting gesture towards the room.

“I hope you two have fun. Avoid Carisi, though, he read about some case on the newspaper and is now out for shoptalk. Took me an agonisingly long half hour to get rid of him.”

“Thanks for the heads up.”

With a smirk, she turned around and walked off towards the bar, where Fia was studying the cocktail card with such an intense interest that Rafael could only conclude that his mother was around somewhere. Since Rafael and Olivia had announced their engagement, Lucia had started to get even more vocal – if that was even possible – about her wish that her niece would finally find a man to settle down with, get married herself, and, most importantly, give Lucia more grandchildren. That Fia had no desire for any of these things didn’t matter, of course. Rafael would have to have a serious talk with her sometime before the ceremony, he didn’t want anything to get out of control at the reception.

“Let’s find somewhere to sit, mi amor, shall we?”

-i-

“Rita, what do you think? Long Island Iced Tea?” Fia asked with a sigh of defeat when Rita slipped on the barstool next to the younger woman. Shrugging, Rita nodded at the bartender who’d already listened in, and the man started mixing their cocktails.

“I try to tell myself that everything will be over once this wedding weekend is done, but I got the feeling it’ll only get worse. Maybe I should try to get into a ballet company in Europe or something. Or Asia. Just somewhere far away.”

“Not the best idea,” Rita replied, patting Fia’s shoulder. “She would call you in the middle of the night.”

“As if she isn’t doing that already.”

They both released a sigh and sat in silence  until their drinks were placed in front of them. Lucia could tire out even the strongest person.

Just as Fia took a sip of her cocktail, she saw someone lean against the bar from the corner of her eye and almost choked on the liquid when a low voice that had followed her into her dreams said: “A beer, please.”

Mike Dodds gave them a polite smile when the two women turned towards him, Rita focused on their reactions to each other. The slightly pink cheeks and forced casual smiles, paired with other subdued nervous reactions, were unmistakable to her, enforcing the opinion that she’d formed on these two the day they’d convinced Olivia about the party tonight.

“Hey Dodds, why don’t you sit with us for a bit?” Rita offered cheekily, noting with satisfaction how Fia’s hand slipped in surprise while in the middle of pushing one of her dark curls behind her ear.

“I would really love to, but we want to start playing in a minute.”

He seemed genuinely sorry, and Rita relished in how obvious these two were. “Oh, we’re really looking forward to that, Dodds. Fia’s been talking about nothing else the last days. Maybe you want to join us for a drink afterwards, though.”

Fia elbowed her, but continued smiling at Mike, whose cheeks seemed to take a deeper shade of pink when Fia’s and his gazes met briefly. Nodding with a light shrug, he almost stumbled into a barstool while shuffling away from the bar. “Sure, I’d love to. See you later, Counselor. Miss R…uhm, Fia.”

“What do you think you’re doing?” Fia hissed once Mike was on his way to the stage on the other side of the bar, her eyes gliding over the retreating form of the tall, muscular Sergeant.

“Oh, just bringing the two of you a bit closer. You’re clearly interested.”

“I’m not! He’s not my type! Also I’m not looking for anything!”

Fia finally managed to tear her gaze away from him and turned to Rita with a somewhat frustrated expression, giving herself away. Rita rose an eyebrow, staring at the younger woman, and Fia took a few long sips of her drink before admitting: “Fine. He’s a guapo and I’d totally lay him if he wasn’t a guest at the wedding.”

“Pardon, I don’t see your problem.”

After another few sips, Fia sighed heavily, as if Rita had said something stupid. “You’ve seriously forgotten what you taught me? Never have a one night stand with someone you know you’ll see again. It’ll only get you into trouble.”

With a dismissive noise, Rita waved one hand. “That doesn’t apply to wedding weekends. It means you get the chance to fuck him twice if he’s good. Don’t act like you’re into making reasonable decisions.”

“You got a point,” Fia agreed, a tiny smirk playing around the corners of her lips when Mike and his band got onto the stage under the applause of some cops, getting ready to start their first song. “I’ll have Lucia annoying me the whole weekend, I should have some fun to make up for that.”

“That’s the spirit.”

They chuckled lightly, clinking their glasses together before drinking a few huge gulps, listening with satisfaction how ‘The Cuffs’ started playing, Mike’s voice – sometimes powerful, sometimes soft – filling the room. After two or three songs, during which Fia had been more or less unable to take her eyes off the singing and guitar-playing Sergeant, Rita decided that her work was done and that it was time to take care of the only person who could rain on her – or rather Fia’s – parade tonight.

Grabbing her drink and slipping off her barstool, she let her gaze glide through the room until she spotted her target – Lucia was sitting in a booth, sipping a glass of wine while letting Amanda show her the newest cute pictures of Jesse.

She would make sure Lucia stayed sufficiently distracted and couldn’t interfere.

“Oh Lucia, my dear, do you want another glass of wine?”

-i-

The later the hour got, the more alcohol flowed, the more boisterously the mood got, and Olivia didn’t regret to have agreed to this party. It wasn’t often that she had the opportunity to let loose like this, and after the stress of organising the wedding, this was more than welcome. She would have to thank Rita, Fia and Amanda for this later.

Rafael and her had taken some spins on the dancefloor while ‘The Cuffs’ had played, and now she was at her fourth glass of wine, standing in a corner with Amanda and making poor Fin squirm.

“Come on, Fin, everyone here knows you got a crush on Rita. This weekend is the perfect opportunity for you to finally make a move.”

“Yeah, also if you don’t tell her, we’ll do that for you eventually,” Amanda added threateningly, causing Fin to shift from one foot onto the other, arms crossed in front of his chest.

“She’s not interested. Ain’t going to make a fool of myself.”

Amanda and Olivia exchanged annoyed glances, for they knew that Fin wasn’t right about Rita’s interest, and gave their friend dark stares. “You just have to try, Fin. Ask her for a dance.”

Fin gazed over his shoulder, and the three of them scanned the room for the defense attorney, but failed to spot her. “Huh, she was there a minute ago, taking Lucia off the dancefloor after her Dancing Queen performance.”

They checked the room again, but they could only see Carisi excitedly holding Rafael captive in a booth, talking about the article he’d read; Olivia briefly considered coming to his rescue, but then she decided against it. He’d been warned to stay away from Carisi.

Some of their friends were still dancing or chatting by the bar, the crowd a little too thick to make out most of the faces.

“See, she anticipated your plan and fled,” Fin grumbled, obviously trying to act relieved even though there was a flash of disappointment visible on his face. “I’m gonna get myself another beer.”

Amanda made an annoyed noise and turned to Olivia, frowning. “Where the hell are they? I had big plans!”

“No idea,” Olivia replied with a shrug, letting her gaze glide over the crowd a last time. “They’ll reappear sooner or later.”

Little did she know that ‘later’ would be the case.

OoO

Olivia was incredibly proud that she’d managed not to burst into tears while Rafael and her exchanged their vows, even though they’d pricked in her eyes persistently throughout the short but sweet ceremony. Suddenly, it all seemed to go a lot quicker than anticipated, and she wished she could have slowed time while Rafael and her took their rings from a proudly beaming Noah and slipped them on each other’s fingers, Lucia continuing to sob loudly in the background. If the moment had passed slower, she would have taken the time to savour the sweet kiss they exchanged, the words describing their deep love during their vows; she would have gazed at every single smiling face around her, able to appreciate how happy everyone was for them.

But even though time didn’t slow down, she still managed to capture some of the quickly passing events and commit them to memory, knowing that most of the things that passed in a blur today would be much clearer when she had the time to lean back and think of them again.

From one moment to the other, Rafael and her were husband and wife, walking through the long lines of their friends and families with Noah between them, cherry blossoms raining down on them, and while she didn’t feel like it was a big moment of change, she couldn’t deny that it was one of extraordinary happiness.

Showing off her little family would always be her favourite thing to do.

After a few minutes to themselves, during which Rafael and her just grinned at each other like kids who’d just successfully pulled off a prank while listening to Noah retelling his view of the ceremony, they got out to the little cocktail reception before the dinner. Olivia felt like her head was swimming from all the congratulations, but Rafael and her floated that wave of gracefully. When it started to ebb away eventually, she let her gaze wander around the room, taking in everything.

The old colleagues who wouldn’t have met again if it hadn’t been for today conversing happily.

Jesse and Noah running around and snatching the sweet appetisers off the trays of the waiters and thinking the adults didn’t notice.

Lucia, being back to her flamboyant self, parading around the room and making sure that conversation and champagne flowed in every room, though she seemed to get uncomfortable when she moved her left shoulder too much.

There was Fia, who was downing the rest of a big cup of coffee and immediately went for a cocktail again, obviously telling herself that a hangover wouldn’t stop her from having fun, while Mike tried very hard not to stare at her, blushing when their gazes met once or twice. He also looked very distracted when his father tried to involve him into a conversation a moment later, and Olivia couldn’t help but smirk.

Amanda was trying to stop Sonny and his never ending appetite from stealing all the appetisers; Rita and Fin were having light conversation with Munch and Nick.

The room was full of life, just like the bar had been the previous evening, their patchwork family being bright, loud, maybe a little whimsical and definitely chaotic, but she knew that neither of them would have it any other way.

OoO

Liv hadn’t thought she would be woken by her phone on the morning of her wedding as if it was an ordinary work day, but there she was, carefully shifting out of her fiancé’s arms to grab the annoyingly loud device. At least she didn’t have a hangover from the party.

“Be-“

“Liv, I know this is your wedding day and you said no stress but… uhm… I got a little problem here.”

Amanda’s voice sounded slightly panicked; subdued, admittingly, but enough to make Liv sit up in light worry. She knew that her friend wouldn’t call her if she deemed the problem at hand serious.

“What’s going on, Amanda?”

There was silence on the other end of the line for an agonisingly long moment, and Olivia had to admit that she did have a few wedding horror scenarios flashing in front of her inner eye before Amanda answered slowly, as if she wasn’t sure how to word the issue: “Uhm… well… some of the wedding party who agreed to help with the last preparations this morning are… uhm… lost? I can’t reach them.”

“Who?”

The cop in Olivia caused her to rise, knowing that while it didn’t have to be a bad sign, it was always good to not take such matters lightly, just in case.

“Well, Rita is on her way here, but Lucia… she’s not answering her phone. And Fia and Mike aren’t reachable either.”

If it had been only Fia, Olivia wouldn’t have been particularly worried, as the young woman tended to be a little chaotic and thus often a bit late, but Mike and Lucia were different. Mike had never been late to work or any other social events the squad had organised, and Lucia was so excited about the wedding that Rafael and her had joked several times that she would spend the night at the venue to make sure everything would be absolutely perfect.

“You tried calling them at home, too?”

“Of course I did. They’re not picking up. Do you remember when you last saw them?”

Pausing for a moment, Olivia tried to piece the memories of the previous evening together, but couldn’t put her finger on particular times. “Sorry, I don’t.”

“Me neither. I’ll just try to call them again a few times before sending Sonny or Fin to check on them at their places. Maybe they’re just nursing a hangover and we’re getting all worried for nothing,” Amanda said with the practiced calmness she usually displayed on the job, and Olivia made an affirmative noise. Yet she slipped out from under the blankets, not feeling like she could stay in bed any longer; it was a mix of worry if everything would be okay in the end and nervosity about the day that was lying ahead of her.

“Livy, where you going? It’s too early.”

A smirk curled her lips and creased the corners of her eyes when she heard Rafael’s slightly whiny protest from underneath the blankets, and she found herself thinking how she couldn’t wait to have that for the rest of her life. His dark hair was a mess sticking away from his head when he emerged, pouting, and she couldn’t stop her laughter. “I’m going to make sure our witnesses are present and maybe even a little sober at our wedding, Rafa.”

She decided to spare him the details and leaned over the bed to give him a quick kiss, taking the time to mess up his hair a little more. “Noah and you can have a boys breakfast. I’ll see you at the wedding. In case you’ll get confused, I’m the one in the white dress.”

“Can’t wait,” he mumbled against her lips, smirking lightly, and Olivia sighed, needing to remind herself of the possibility of something serious having happened to some of her closest family so she would not linger too long next to her fiancé.

-i-

Upon arriving at the venue, she spotted Amanda in the lobby, phone pressed to her ear and pacing. “Hey Amanda, any updates?”

“Rita arrived some minutes ago and told me not to worry about Lucia, that she brought her home yesterday and that she should be arriving soon… but I still can’t reach Fia and Mike. Neither at home nor on their mobiles,” Amanda replied, shaking her head while looking slightly confused, but before Olivia could ask any further questions, one of the entrance doors was slammed open and for a second, it felt like the temperature on this beautiful, sunny spring morning had dropped a few degrees. Lucia Barba marched into the lobby like a general who was out for a bloody battle, an icy expression on her face, and the two women almost took a step backwards. She had one hand pressed on her shoulder, the fingers slightly cramped as if she needed to suppress the urge to rub the skin under her blouse; her voice was as cold as her stare when she spoke, and Olivia, who’d never truly seen her warmth fade, had to admit that she was a tiny bit scared.

“Where’s Rita?”

Amanda’s mouth opened and closed a few times, then she raised her hand to point at the door leading to the wedding venue, but before Lucia could storm on, Rita came through said doors, smiling when she spotted the elder woman. “Lucia, dear, so good to see you!”

“Deary, I’ll make you rethink that statement,” Lucia hissed, stepping closer, but Rita appeared completely unfazed by her sharp words and also by the string of Spanish curses that followed them.

“If it’s about the tattoo then I have to remind you that it was your idea to get one. You saw mine and told me all about how you always wished you could have one but were always too afraid to get one. And then you decided that it was time to finally get your way,” she explained calmly, wrapping one arm around Lucia’s shoulder, though careful not to touch the area where she knew fresh ink was now decorating her skin.

“What? Why… why didn’t you stop me? I’m far too old for this kind of escapades! This is something Delfia would do, not me!”

Lucia deflated quickly, her voice slightly high-pitched in disbelief, and Olivia didn’t know if she was supposed to feel sorry for her or laugh about the revelation. Rafael’s reaction when he found out would be very amusing as well.

“How was I supposed to do that? You’re unstoppable. Also it looks very good on you, y’know.”

A light blush coloured Lucia’s cheeks an adorable shade of pink, and she patted Rita’s arm lightly, though she didn’t look completely convinced yet. “Well, thank you, mija. I guess I’ll just need some time to come to terms with this.”

“You were being a little wild, there’s nothing wrong with that,” Olivia said with a soft smirk, feeling a rush of affection for these women who’d accepted her into their little family so easily. “Now that we’ve settled that, we have one last problem, though. Fia and Mike are still not reachable.”

To her utter surprise, Rita made a dismissive gesture and shook her head lightly while stating: “Don’t worry, they’ll show up on time.”

“How do you know that?”

Amanda cocked an eyebrow and Olivia stared at the defense lawyer in confusion, who gave them a triumphant smirk. “Fia has always managed to show up on time, and I’m sure that’ll rub off on Mike.”

“Are you saying…”

“Yes, they left the bar together last night, after making out in the corner of the room and thinking that nobody could see them,” Rita replied, her tone indicating that she might be a little smug about it, causing Amanda to glare.

“You gave her a push, right? Why didn’t you tell me what you were planning?”

“Oh, she didn’t need a push, she had all the right thoughts in her head already.”

Lucia had crossed her arms in front of her chest, her lips pressed together in a thin, disapproving line, but she didn’t say anything. Olivia knew for sure that Fia would have the privilege of receiving yet another rant about her unwillingness to bind herself sometime tonight, though.

“Well, treat yourself, girl,” Amanda said with a dirty smirk, then let her gaze glide over the other women. “Since we got that issue settled, I guess we can start the last preparations?”

-i-

It was half an hour before the start of the ceremony when Fia finally rushed into the changing room the women occupied, her dark curls still slightly damp from a shower and wearing the dress she’d worn to the party the previous night. Sunglasses shielded her eyes from the sunlight streaming into the room, and she was clinging to a Starbucks coffee as if her life depended on it.

“Look who we got here,” Rita teased lightly while Fia hurried to grab her dress from the hanger and went into the little changing area they created, taking big sips of her coffee again and again. “Seems like you didn’t make it home last night, girl. At least you made it out of bed finally.”

“Shut up, okay?”

“The most important thing is that you had a good time.”

Amanda looked as happy as a child on Christmas Eve when she joined Rita in the teasing, the two bustling around the room busily while helping each other and Liv to get ready, and Fia made an annoyed noise while taking off the party dress and slipping into her groomslady dress quickly.

While the three women continued to banter lightly, Fin entered the room with the flowers, but Olivia didn’t really pay attention to anything going on around her in that moment. Looking at her reflection, she needed some time to tell herself that this was really happening, and to get her anticipation, nervosity and excitement on a level that allowed her to function.

She had never been that kind of woman that dreamt of romantic spring weddings, lacy white wedding gowns and all these traditional activities for weddings that were discussed in those bridal magazines she’d never laid a hand on.

But for this beautiful day, she didn’t mind some traditions, some lace and pink cherry blossoms. They were seasoned with a bit of chaos and a lot of love, for her family, and for the man that she was about to marry, and this combination just made it the perfect day.

THE END

[peaky-fkin-blinders-blog]

Only You- John Shelby x reader

I’m so sorry I haven't posted in ages but I’ve decided to post a John imagine in light of the recent events from season 4. I miss him already. 

Request: could i request number 4 with john? xxx

Prompt 4: “It’s always been you. You and only you.”

Growing up as Ada Shelby’s best friend meant there was no chance you could escape from her older brothers. Especially in your teenage years. Everywhere Ada went, there you were; but so too were her brothers. They always kept a watchful eye over their only sister, making sure she didn’t get into too much trouble. 

One night when you were fourteen, you and Ada got drunk at the cut along with  some friends. John, being the closest in age at fifteen, tagged along. When Ada slipped away with Freddie Thorne, it left you and John alone sat around the flames of the fire. Maybe it was the alcohol or the stars  reflecting over the canal, but you found yourself leaning in at the same time as John. 

Sparks seemed to fly all around you, like you were the only two in the world at that point in time. The kiss was full of lust and uncertainty. Were you doing it right? This was your first kiss. And it was with John Shelby, your best friends brother. You pulled away when you heard a male voice calling Johns name from near the edge of the cut. “I’ll err, I’ll talk to you later (Y/N)’’ John replied with a small smile as he jogged over to his friend. The smile plastered across your face remained there for the rest of the night, even more so when Ada began supplying you with more whiskey. A while later you were both passed out. You woke up to a pair of arms carrying you back to what you presumed was Watery Lane, with Ada collapsed in another unidentified pair of arms. 

When you woke up the next morning, you were unsure of your surroundings and grunted due to the impending headache. Ada was still sound asleep next to you and you figured you were in her room. You honestly could not remember how you got home but were thankful someone had brought you. As you sat up in the bed, a soft knock came from the door. “Morning. I thought you could do with this’’ John came in and placed a few tablets and a glass of water in front of you. You grabbed the tablets and drank the water straight away; anything to dim the hangover. “Thank you John. So, about last night...’’ you began to trail off when he let out a small laugh. How that laugh made you melt inside.  “Yeah, I urm, lets just forget it happened ey? We were both drunk right’’ You were thankful in that moment that you had a great poker face. “Yeah, okay, it was just a silly kiss’’ You tried to brush it off like it didn’t affect you. John gave you a hug and began to walk out of Adas room  “Come down for some breakfast when you’re ready, aunt Pol probably wants to lecture you and Ada’’ At this you let out a giggle and nodded. Once the door was closed, you let the tears fall and ended up crying yourself back to sleep.

A few months later, John came home with a new girlfriend, Martha, who you’d found out about from Ada. “She’s great. When he first brought her home, aunt Pol was a bit concerned because you know what John’s like. But now the whole family loves her’’ Ada explained, totally oblivious to the pain you were feeling inside. You regained control of your emotions and put on a big smile. “She sounds amazing Ada, I can’t wait to meet her.’’

----

As the years flew by, you realised you were in love with a certain Shelby brother. The way his smile could light up an entire room or his jokes that were so bad you couldn’t help but giggle made you warm inside. But most of all, you realised he was always there, always caring. Unlike his older brothers, Tommy and Arthur, there was no cloud around John, no emptiness etched onto his features. You saw good in him you couldn’t in the others. Realisation washed over you that the crush you’d harboured for the light eyed boy all these years was actually love, but he was married with a few little ones.

And then the war came along and the men of Birmingham were shipped off to France, including the Shelby brothers. During the few years they were gone, Martha passed away due to consumption, leaving four young Shelby children with no mother, and a father fighting for his country. The responsibility fell upon Polly, who already had to care for a young Finn. You moved in with Ada and Polly to help raise John’s kids until he came back. When the war ended in 1918 and the boys all came back alive, the business flourished and you didn’t see much of the Shelby brothers anymore. You had the occasional catch up with Pol, but went to work for your mother in her dress shop down town. You’d steal glances at John whenever you saw him, unaware that he did the same when you weren’t looking.

You were no longer the teenager you used to be pining over someone you couldn’t have. You were a young woman at twenty-five and had found a man from a good family who could provide for you and who you had strong affection for. Was it love? You weren’t sure. You didn’t feel what you felt for John with Robert. But as your mother had told you many years ago, you need security in a marriage, love isn’t everything. Even though you didn’t agree, her voice still nagged at you in the back of your mind and is why you accepted Roberts proposal.

You and Ada, along with Polly, were finishing the preparations for you wedding tomorrow when a pounding on the door pulled you all from your designated jobs. “Who the fuck is that banging on the door like a mad man? It’s fucking 11 o’clock’’ Polly hissed. Shaking your head at the disruption you got up from the kitchen table and swing the door open. 

“Look, whatever it is can it not wait until tomor-’’ You  were cut off from what you were saying when your eyes landed upon a dishevelled looking John, with his typical blinders cap bunched up in his hands.  “John? What are you doing here? Is everything okay with the kids? Are you-’’ Before you could finish your sentence, the man in front of you began to speak   “I-i realised something today (Y/N). Don’t marry him, please. I was stupid to tell you to forget that kiss all those years ago. I love you. I love you and I think I’ve always known it, I just didn’t want to admit it. You’re my little sisters best friend’’ He looked down at his cap in his hands and looked back up at you, desperation in his eyes. “I thought I could get over it, but i can’t and now I might’ve lost you because i didn’t want to admit my feelings’’ You looked at him not saying anything, in total disbelief at his outburst. The silence remained and John began to step back to turn down the street.

You stepped down from the doorstep and “It’s always been you. You and only you John’’ Your lips crashed against his in a moment of pure love and affection. This is it, what you’ve been waiting for for over a decade. The same sparks flew that you experienced all those years ago at the cut. You finally got your man.

Unbeknown to either of you, slumped against the doorway was Polly who cleared her throat and said  “About bloody time. Thank the fucking lord’’ Her sudden appearance caused you to both pull away and laugh, leaning your foreheads against each other as the man you loved looked at you and leaned in again.

[tilltheendwilliwrite]

Soft Names, Soft Touches

Epilogue

 Master List  |  Bucky Barnes Master List

 Previous Chapter

Pairing: Bucky X OC  | Word Count: 8k+

Warnings: Swearing, super fluff, violence, Russian that may or may not be correct.

A year had passed, nearly to the day since Bucky had bodily dragged Francessca to his room. They’d had their share of ups and downs since, arguments and makeups, pain and joy, but today was a day which would be filled with nothing but happiness. Today, after two years of teamwork and a year of being stupidly in love, Bucky was doing something he’d never imagined would ever happen.

He was getting married.

Married to his Franki. To the woman who was his perfect match, and, sappy as it sounded, his soulmate. He loved her so much it was impossible not to smile just thinking about her.

Throughout the last year, with Helen’s help, they’d figured out how to offset a lot of what Hydra had done. They could be apart for longer periods of time. Up to a month, thanks to the bracelets the Doc, Bruce, and Tony had perfected. The slow release of the chemical cocktails, the ones he and Franki produced naturally, kept them both from melting down when apart, as well as allowing Franki to easily accept the touch of others.

She would still rather people just not have contact with her, besides their close friends of course, but she didn't leap out of her skin with the slightest brush as she once would have.

And while Hydra still chased them both, as far as any of them knew, the agency was as of yet unaware of the success of their experiment. Which was good, great in fact, for had they come for Francessca again, Bucky knew he’d go full Winter Soldier on their ass.

But, today was not the time for such thoughts. Today, as he waited with Steve and Clint in a room off to the side of where the ceremony was being held, he ran his hand over his suit jacket nervously.

“You look fine, pal,” Steve clapped him on the shoulder.

“Yeah, man. And your bride… wow!” Clint smirked, teasing the big man.

It had surprised a few people when Bucky had asked Clint to stand up as a groomsman, but Clint had only grinned and said yes. Few knew he and the archer had shared many a late night drink as Clint had a hard time sleeping away from his family.

When Bucky was first back from Wakanda, the nightmares had been keeping him up. Always one to believe in seeing the best in people, offering a second chance when it was warranted, Clint had taken to talking to Bucky, offering an ear when it was needed, and advice or council when it was requested. They were friends. Not Bucky and Cap close, but close enough.

“I’m just a little…” Bucky trailed off, voice growing thick with emotion. “I never thought this could happen for me.”

“You deserve it, Buck. Really.” Steve pulled him into a back-slapping hug.

“Hey, hey! You two crush those boutonnieres, Laura and Tam will have your butts,” Clint warned, tugging them apart, eyeing both suits before fixing the petals on Steve’s rose.

Clint’s wife and Tam, the wife of Jack who’d taken Franki home with him after she’d gotten the news about her program, had become fast friends. They had been more than happy to assist Francessca in the wedding plans. Considering Franki knew nothing about what to do or what was needed, and Nat and Wanda were often busy with missions, the two civilians had taken the title of wedding planner to heart, keeping notes and lists and making sure Franki was pleased with the decisions. His little shadow had been glowing she was so happy with how everything had turned out. Bucky quite literally didn’t care as long as she was happy.

The one thing none of the women had missed out on, Tony too had insisted on going, was the search for the wedding dress. The women had taken over some boutique called Kleinfelds, a place with its own reality television show. From what he’d been told it had been incredibly special.

Tony, being his usual debonair playboy, billionaire self, had arranged the whole day, making Franki the center of it all. When she’d chosen what she said was the perfect dress, Tony had insisted on paying. After all, he was going to give the bride away. As he was playing paternal stand-in, he may as well go all out. It had made Franki cry, but they were happy tears.

The wedding location was another surprise of Tony’s. The mansion, fondly known now as House Avenger, was located not far from the tower and had once been the home of the Stark family. Tony had recommended he and Franki might like to relocate to give them more privacy shortly after they’d gotten together.

Seeing as how the rest of the team were tired of either hearing them or, in a few unfortunate cases, seeing things they’d rather not, it had seemed a sound plan. Considering the mansion was enormous, surrounded by top of the line security, and had a garden of its own, it was not a hardship to make the move.

He remembered the day a few months after they’d changed homes when he’d gone with Steve, nervous as hell, and picked out a ring. They’d gone in secret, something challenging to do when the entire city knew who they were, to the boutique of a jeweller called Cartier. The man had been over the moon happy to assist and keep it quiet until after Bucky could do the asking.

It took another two months before he’d worked up the courage, finally getting it done.

When the night came, he'd walked Franki through Central Park as they were want to do, taking her back to the swings from their first date. She’d laughed, teasing, saying he was going to get her in trouble again, but, when he seated her on the swing as he had the first time, he’d knelt to a knee before her. There, he’d spilled his guts and his heart, had pulled out a red velvet box, a match for her favourite coat, from his pocket and flipped the lid. Nervous as hell, he’d asked her softly if she’d marry him.

The tears had poured from her eyes, but she’d nodded with enthusiasm, laughing, squealing out an enthusiastic yes!

“Earth to Bucky?” Steve chuckled.

“Huh?” Bucky snapped back to the present.

“Someone here to see you.” Steve nodded his head towards the door.

Turning around, Bucky grinned for standing there, hand and hand with Jack O’Shea, was little Jimmy. “Hey, buddy! You ready?” Crouching down, he held out his arms.

The boy had stolen Franki’s heart. Upon meeting him, he’d taken Bucky’s too. The whole team loved the exceptional little boy. Tony had even created Jimmy his very own winter soldier inspired arm. It wasn’t going to stop bullets, but it was a fully functional prosthetic. With how close they’d grown, Jack coming on at the Tower to work in security, Tam joining him, and Jimmy getting into one of the better schools thanks again to a Stark recommendation, it hadn’t surprised him in the least when Franki had asked to include the family in the wedding. Tam had helped with preparations. Jimmy was going to be the ring bearer, but instead of a pillow - something far too girly, so he said - there was a miniature of Steve’s shield gripped in his metal fist, magnetized to hold the rings in place.

Bounding over, Jimmy threw his arms around Bucky’s neck. “Bucky! I’m ready.”

“Good. Me too,” he said, getting up with the boy in his arms.

“You clean up pretty good there, Barnes.” Jack grinned. In his opposite hand, he held four precariously clutched glasses. A bottle of Irish whiskey was tucked beneath his arm. “It’s an O’Shea family tradition to toast the bride. Thought you gentlemen might be inclined to join me?”

“Daddy says I have to be at least ten before I can do the toast,” Jimmy pouted.

Bucky, Clint, and Steve all chuckled.

“Oh, yes. Ten. Definitely.” Bucky agreed seriously with the boy. “Otherwise you’ll stay a little squirt. Wouldn’t want to stunt your growth.”

Considering how big Bucky was, Jimmy really didn’t want that. “I’ll wait.”

Jack handed out the glasses before pulling the cork from the bottle. “My grandfather used to say only the best would do when toasting a bride, so, Redbreast twenty-one.” He poured a few fingers into each glass, corked the bottle, and set it on a table. Accepting the glass from Clint, he held it up with the others. “To the bride. A woman of grace, courage, and a fortitude the likes of which I have rarely seen. Let’s drink to love which is nothing unless it’s divided by two.”

Before any of them could drink, Clint held up his hand. “I know you two fellows can’t get drunk, but I can and so can he, and if either of us does our wives will kill us. So, I will offer my toast as well before we down three fingers of whiskey, and have to pour another round. We’re doing this in one.”

Chuckling, Steve said, “Then all I have to say is, may your love be as endless as your wedding rings, Buck.” He clicked his glass to Bucky’s, grinning at Clint who was scowling at him. “What?”

“Just had to sneak yours in first, didn’t you, Cap?” Rolling his eyes, Clint turned his attention back to Bucky. “Bucky, if there is one thing I’ve learned after being married all these years it’s this. No matter the argument, your wife is always right.” They chuckled as a group, but he shook his head. “It’s not a joke. There is nothing, and I mean nothing, which will ever matter to you more than she does. So, if you two are butting heads, just ask yourself, would I rather win the argument or have a happy wife? Simple as that. To the bride!” Lifting his glass, he tapped it against Barnes’ and threw back the whiskey.

The other’s followed suit, each wheezing slightly with the burn.

“Wow…” Bucky gasped. “That’s good stuff.”

“Damn,” Clint breathed out, smirking at Jack. “You and I need to hang out more often.”

The door banged open. They all looked to the blond behemoth standing in the opening.

“Gentlemen! You toast without, Thor?” He stalked through the room with a wide, mischievous grin. Clapping a hand down on Jack’s shoulder, he didn’t notice when the man flinched beneath the force. “It is good, then, I come bearing a gift for the bridegroom!”

His voice boomed through the room, making Bucky laugh. “Glad you could make it.”

“Jane and I would not miss such an auspicious occasion! Thee are family, son of Barnes!” Thor plucked Jimmy from his arms, tossing him straight up to the boy’s delighted squeal. “And you, young Jimmy? How fares the new arm?”

Bucky smirked at Jack, sure the man’s heart had only stopped the once, instead of the dozen times it had the first time the god of thunder had done that.

“He’s doing just great,” Jack said.

“Excellent!” Handing the boy off to his father with a gentle ruffle of his hair, Thor, dressed in the Asgardian equivalent of formal wear, drew a flask from within his cloak. “The finest of Frigga’s wines, not for mortals,” he looked pointedly at Clint and Jack as he poured two half glasses. “Apologies.”

“Not to worry.” Clint had no desire to have his eyes explode or his stomach rot or whatever other calamities would happen if he did. “I’m going to go see if they’re ready for us.” Grinning, he and Jack, and small Jimmy headed out the door.

“My friends! We drink! To the fair Francessca! May she forever be the warrior she is today, and may she give you a hundred sons!” Thor boomed, throwing back the flask and drinking deeply.

Steve and Bucky exchanged looks, sipped the wine so as not to be rude, but before Thor finished, they each upended their glass in one of the potted plants nearest them.

“Tell Frigga we are most thankful for her gift,” Bucky said with only a small smirk. He’d had Asgardian liquor before. He’d really like to remember his wedding.

Smoothing her hands down the front of her dress, Franki glanced at the mirror for what felt like the hundredth time. The silk dress fit her like a glove, accented her breasts, flared at her knees and delved deep at her back. Crystals winked in the skirt and train, more glimmered in the cascading fall of curls her veil was tucked into and shone on the ring finger of her left hand where her engagement ring waited to be joined by a wedding band.

“Sestra, you are gorgeous! Stop fretting,” Natasha scolded, wandering over to fuss with Franki’s veil.

“Yes, you will knock Bucky’s socks right off with how wonderful you look,” Wanda agreed.

“Sorry, I’m just so… nervous,” Franki sighed.

“Then have a drink, precious,” Tony offered, coming over with two fingers of scotch, handing her the glass. “Calm yourself.”

“Thanks, Tony.” Franki smiled, taking a deep breath. “I just want everything to go right.”

“It will,” Nat assured her.

Clint arrived in the doorway, little Jimmy on his hip, snickering softly. “I see we're not the only ones abiding in a little liquid courage.”

“What?” Frankie gasped. “He’s drinking to get down the aisle!”

Seeing the waterworks wanting to start, Clint rushed forwards. “No! No, no. Jack had us do the traditional toast to the bride. A little whiskey was all. He’s fine, darling. Excited and ready.”

“Oh.” Breathing out a sigh, Franki nodded. “Good.”

“Thor’s in with him and Steve.”

“You left them alone with him!?” she yelped. “He’ll have Asgardian liquor!”

“Bucky isn’t going to do anything to muck up your special day, precious.” Tony took her by the hand and gave it a gentle pat.

“Okay, okay. You are right, kotenok.” Nodding Franki took a deep breath.

“Five minutes ladies!” Tam called out as she zipped past the door. “Clint! You’re in the wrong room. Let’s move it!”

“See you up there, vorobey.” Franki set her glass on the table, reached out and kissed his cheek.

“Oh! I almost forgot. He would have kicked my ass.” Grinning, Clint dug in his pocket. “Something old, for the bride.”

“I thought that was Barnes?” Nat snickered.

“Haha. Laugh it up, sestra.” Franki glowered at her while taking the box from Clint. Pulling on the bow, she tugged the lid off, lifted out the soft cloth within, revealing a beautiful cameo brooch. “Oh! It’s lovely.”

“Buck found it in an antique shop. It was just like one his mom had.”

Franki looked up to see Steve standing in the doorway. “Really?”

Steve’s eyes were teary as he nodded. “Can I have a minute alone?”

“Only one,” Laura called out as she zoomed past the door. “Barton! Move that ass!”

“Yes, ma’am!” Squeezing Franki’s wrist, Clint slipped out past Steve.

“I’ll be back for you, so don’t get any funny ideas about running off with blondie there,” Tony joked, thumping Steve on the shoulder as he sauntered out.

“Yeah. No runaway bride or I’ll hunt you down,” Nat warned with a grin.

Wanda only waved and shook her head, shutting the door behind her.

“Wow. Franki, you’re going to give the old guy a heart attack,” Steve said, striding toward her.

“I hope not. I would like to be a wife for a very long time.” Picking up her bouquet, a small one of red calla lilies, she worked at pinning the brooch to the ribbons.

Seeing her struggle, Steve held the bouquet so she could use both hands. Hey, Franki?”

“Yes, belyy rystar’?” she said, looking up into his bright blue eyes. They were like Bucky's only more sky blue than the sapphire of her man’s.

Cupping her hands, Steve bent to kiss her cheek. “Thank you.”

Shocked she gaped at him for a second. “For what?”

“For being you. For loving Bucky. For giving him the life he thought he'd never have.”

“It swings both ways, Steve. He’s done the same for me.” She’d never imagined she’d have a life outside a cage, let alone a man who loved her and wanted to spend his life with her. “It is good, da?”

“He’s… so happy. I never thought I’d see pre-soldier Bucky again. You’ve given him back to me.”

Her watering eyes had Franki reaching for a tissue. “They’ll kill me if I ruin my makeup.”

Taking it from her, Steve fixed the little run of her mascara. “There. Good as new.”

“I love him so much.”

“And he loves you.” Leaning down, he wrapped her up in a tight hug.

Franki smiled as she hugged him back. It was so nice to not want to crawl out of her skin. “Hey… Steve?” Turning her mouth to his ear, Franki whispered in it softly just as the door opened.

“Minutes up, Cap. They’re calling for you.” Tony frowned at the weird, excited puppy look on Steve’s face. “Yo, Capsicle! There’s a spot with your name on it beside Barnes which is empty.”

“Yeah. Yeah. Okay.” He nodded, hugged Franki a second time, and jogged out of the room.

“What was that all about, precious?” Tony asked. “You keeping secrets from your daddy?”

“Do not ever say that again.” Franki’s face twisted in revulsion. “It is not too late to replace you.”

“Nuh ugh!” He shook his head. “I paid for your dress, so the least you can do is let me walk you down the aisle, so I get to see Barnes’ jaw drop when he sees you in it.”

“Fine. But don’t ever refer to yourself as daddy again.”

“Whatever you say, snookums.” She glared, and he grinned. “Sweetums? Pooky? Moonpie? Sugar? Fine, I’ll stick to precious.”

She couldn’t quite control the urge to laugh, her lip twitching. “Tony?”

“Yeah, doll?” He grinned, knowing he’d amused her.

Leaning in, she kissed his cheek. “I love you. Thanks for everything.”

His eyes watered as he pulled her into a tight hug. “Daddy loves you too, precious.”

“Tony!”

He only laughed.

The want to fidget was upon Bucky when Steve jogged up beside him. “Well?"

“She looks great, pal,” Steve assured him. “Drop-dead gorgeous.”

“She’s always gorgeous, but that doesn’t explain why you look like you’re going to cry.” Bucky frowned at him.

“It’s a wedding. People cry.”

Clint snorted. “You cry at everything.”

It was true. Steve had been known to blubber at Disney movies, so this shouldn’t have surprised Bucky.

Looking out over the gathered crowd, he nodded to those who smiled or waved. There were far more people in attendance than he would have liked. But, as an Avenger, their wedding had taken on a social aspect which couldn’t quite be ignored. Or so Tony had told them.

He’d been concerned at first. This would have been a prime opportunity for Hydra to pull some shit, but the security was so high he’d almost had an issue getting in, and it was his wedding. Plus, there was a host of superheroes in attendance, more Shield agents than he could count, as well as a bunch of Asgardians who’d come with Thor. If Hydra was stupid enough to try something tonight, they were going to have their asses handed to them.

As for the rest, he didn’t know, or really even care who they were. They’d come to see and be seen. As long as they didn’t cause trouble, they could stay. They’d all be contributing to the charities he and Franki had picked out, so the more, the merrier in that aspect.

It wasn’t as if either of them needed wedding gifts. Everything they required was already stocked within House Avenger, standing tall and stately behind the gathered guests. Instead, they’d chosen to have people make donations to charities which were essential to them. Like prosthetic research for kids, something close to both their hearts.

The music changed, a hush came over the crowd. Everyone stood to their feet.

Taking a deep breath, Bucky breathed it slowly out as first Wanda, then Nat made their way down the aisle. Both looked great in simple red gowns which swept the ground as they walked. They smiled at him, Nat’s eyes a little damp, as they took their places. Next came Jimmy, his eyes big, a look of fear on his face. He froze about halfway down the aisle.

Bucky was quick off the mark, down towards the boy who he lifted up, tucked in his vibranium arm, and carried back to the altar with him. A chorus of awe’s followed which he ignored.

“You good, buddy?” he asked Jimmy.

“That’s a lot of people,” the boy whispered, hugging his neck, his makeshift shield dangling.

“I know, bud. You did great.” He patted the boy’s back.

Arriving back at the front, Steve held out his arms, but Bucky shook his head. “Nah, he’s fine.” Again Steve’s eyes watered, making him frown. “What the fuc-dge is wrong with you?”

“Nothing.” Steve cleared his throat, straightening his spine.

“Sure, sure,” Bucky grumbled, turning to face the aisle again. He’d figure out what the fuck was up with his best friend later.

Right now, his eyes, as well as everyone else’s, were glued to the doorway from which Franki would exit. Tony stepped out first, looking his usual debonair self, red tie and pocket square perfectly aligned.

Bucky took a breath, held it, and exhaled hard when Franki appeared.

“My God…” his voice was filled with wonder.

“I know, right?” Steve chuckled.

“She’s gorgeous, man.” Clint’s grin was enormous.

In his ear, a little voice whispered, “She’s an angel.”

Bucky smirked a quick grin at Jimmy. “She’s my angel. Moya zvezdochka.”

Turning his attention back to her, he took in the stunning dress. He could see why she loved it.

It clung to her, moulded to all her lush curves, lifted her breasts to mound at the neckline. The sleek dress flared at her knees, trailed behind her, sparkled like it was covered in diamonds. The pure white set her skin glowing, her eyes shone with love and happiness. The glorious cascade of her chestnut hair fell down to her thighs in gentle waves, and the veil turned her into the most beautiful bride.

Her arms were bare, though the straps of her dress were wide. To have chosen something without sleeves caused his heart to swell. She was doing so well.

“Stunning,” he whispered, unable to take his eyes off her.

When they reached him, Bucky handed Jimmy to Steve, shook Tony’s hand, and took Franki’s all without looking away from her eyes. The silver was soft today, her happiness so apparent he couldn’t stop himself when he leaned forward and kissed her mouth.

“Not yet, Barnes!” Nat barked.

“Mine,” he growled at the redhead.

Franki’s hand caressed his cheek. “You can have another later, snegopad.”

Her response set their guests laughing.

Vows were exchanged before the grinning priest. It hadn’t mattered to Franki what type of ceremony they had, but Bucky had been raised Catholic. Even after everything he’d been through, all he’d done, marrying her any other way had felt… wrong.

It would have been important to his family. It became important to him with that thought. She went with him willingly to the church he’d once attended mass at so many years ago, spoke with the current priest, and received a wholehearted yes by the man.

For once, his past had worked in his favour.

The ceremony went by in a blur after that.

He was unable to see anything beyond Franki’s eyes.

Franki stared up at Bucky, his eyes the startling sapphire blue she knew and loved. His attire for the day was not so far from what he’d worn to that fateful Halloween party a year ago. His hair was shorter than back then, but only just.

She liked it too much for him to cut it off.

He stood with her beneath the arbour of fall leaves, the trees of the garden of House Avenger a blaze in a riot of colour. The sun was setting in the background. A bird was singing. Jimmy giggled.

She noticed all these things yet saw none of them. Looking away from Bucky was impossible.

He’d rarely if ever, looked more dashing, more handsome than he did right now.

She wanted to engrave this moment on her memory forever.

He smiled, almost as if he could read her mind.

They exchanged their vows. Later, she would wonder how she managed, as she couldn’t seem to remember saying the words.

When it came time for the rings, little Jimmy had brought them to her on his blue and red shield. She’d crouched to kiss his sweet cheek, making him blush.

Bucky slid the ring over her left ring finger.

She slid one over his.

T’challa had surprised them both with a vibranium one which would work with his arm, as tough and strong as his hand was, ensuring he wouldn’t destroy it should he punch something hard.

She ran her thumb over it. Some smart scientist had discovered a way to tint it slightly, make it look like titanium, so it showed against his gleaming silver hand. It made her happy. No one would ever mistake it for just another part of his finger.

When, finally, they were pronounced husband and wife, Franki threw her arms around his neck and kissed him soundly.

The roar of cheers rose around them.

Laughing happily, Franki dragged Bucky inside, away from the congratulating guests. She’d made prior arrangements to have Nat and Wanda gather their team for a post-ceremony toast. It was likely they would be inundated with well-wishers, but she wanted some time with those closest to her before that happened.

“What are you up to, wife?” Bucky grinned, enjoying her new title.

“You’ll see,” she said, smiling back at him.

He pulled her into his arms, spun her into the wall, pinned her there. “Have I told you yet how beautiful you look?”

“You have, but I don’t mind hearing it again,” Franki giggled. “But our friends are waiting.”

“Let them wait.” Bucky tucked his face down against her throat and growled. “God, could you smell any better?”

Laughing, Franki gave him a shove. Slipping away from his grasping hands, she picked up the front of her dress and ran for it.

“Oi! I wasn’t done with you!” Bucky bellowed, giving chase.

Racing into the room she’d waited in earlier, she skidded to a halt beside Steve whose arms came up to steady her.

“Easy there, doll face,” he said.

“Hands off, Rogers. She’s taken.” Bucky smirked at his friend before grinning at the rest of the gathered team.

Thor and Jane, Clint and Laura, Jack, Tam and Jimmy. Scott and Hope van Dyne. Sam, Wanda, Vision, T’challa, Natasha, and Peter. Maria and Fury. Tony, Bruce, Helen, and Steve. Everyone was there, waiting, glasses of champagne in hand.

He took one from Steve as Tony handed one to Franki.

Clearing his throat, Tony stepped forward. “A toast to the bride… and, I suppose the groom as well.” Quiet snickers rose around him. “You and I’ve had a rough go, Barnes, and I only got one thing to say about it. You’re a good guy, Franki’s lucky to have you, but you hurt my girl, and I’ll bring the hammer down.”

“I believe that is my area, Iron Man.” Thor chuckled, Mjolnir hanging from his fist.

“He gets my meaning,” Tony quipped.

“Kotenok , stop threatening my husband.” Franki glared at him.

“Just looking out for you, precious.” Tony winked at her.

Bucky only smirked. Tony was overprotective of Franki, just like he was her father. It didn’t bother him in the least. “It’s all good, Tony.”

“You’re all such men.” Natasha rolled her eyes. Lifting her glass, she said simply, “Congratulations, sestrenka. May your happiness never end.”

A chorus of here-here’s­ echoed, and they all drank.

All except Franki.

“Baby?” Bucky frowned at her. “What’s wrong?”

Franki glanced at Steve, noting the wet eyes and sappy smile. Nat’s were knowing, as were Wanda’s, and Helen’s were patiently amused.

Turning to face Bucky, she set her glass down on a table and took a deep breath. Placing her hands on his chest, she stroked her fingers over his lapels. “You may have noticed, snegopad, I did not send you a wedding gift.”

“Wasn’t a big deal, Franki. I–”

She pressed her fingers to his lips, arching a brow in warning to shut up. “I didn’t send you a gift, because I need to hang on to it for a while longer.”

He frowned, confused. “How long?”

“Oh, about seven months.” She bit her lip, trying hard not to giggle at the way the confusion cleared, became shock, then turned to complete joy.

“Francessca…” he breathed in awe. Dropping to his knees before her, he pressed his palm flat to her belly and leaned his head against her. “Privet, moy dragotsennaya malysh.”

“Huh?” said Tony.

“He said, hello my precious baby.” Natasha wiped at the tears sliding down her face.

“Baby…” Tony gasped. “She’s pregnant!”

Steve laughed. “She sure is! Congratulations, pal!”

“Did you know?” Bucky asked, looking to Steve.

Franki, touched his cheek. “He said some very nice things to me before the wedding, lyubimaya. I should not have, but… I wanted to share with him.”

“Dollface,” Bucky rubbed his nose across her still flat stomach. “This is the best gift ever. Telling Steve doesn’t take away from that.”

“Nat, Wanda, and Helen also knew,” she confessed.

“That’s a given,” he chuckled, not at all surprised those three knew. They'd been talking about family, so in love with Jimmy they'd decided to try for one of their own, but he'd never imagined it would happen so fast. Getting slowly to his feet, hand still laid lightly on her belly, he looked to Steve and Tony. “Franki’s done.”

“Snegopad,” she growled low.

“Absolutely,” Steve and Tony said together.

Franki huffed, but she wasn’t about to argue today, not on her wedding day. “We will discuss this later, da?”

“Discuss away, malenkaya ten'. Doesn’t mean you’re going back out in the field.” He swept her off her feet, up into his arms, holding her there with ease as he kissed her soundly.

Everyone gathered to give congratulations.

“Today is a most auspicious day,” Vision said, smiling down at Wanda.

“Come. We shall celebrate their good fortune.” Wanda grinned back.

“Let’s keep this between us,” Bucky said, looking around the room at all their friends. “At least until we can’t.”

T’challa smiled as he walked toward them. “You will come to Wakanda when the time grows near. A safe place away from Hydra. A sheltered place.”

“T’challa,” Franki whispered, tearing up. “Thank you.”

T’challa took her hand, squeezed her fingers. Leaning in, he kissed her cheek. “Congratulations, little shadow. On both your wedding and your impending arrival.”

Later that night, after everyone had left and only the two of them remained, Bucky stripped Franki slowly out of her dress.

She’d been gorgeous in it, sparkling beneath the floating lights of the reception.

They’d danced beneath the stars in the grass, the song chosen by Laura and Tam, Perfect by someone named Ed Sheeran had fit far better than anything he could have come up with.

She’d even kicked off her shoes, dancing barefoot, exactly like the song said.

Now, standing before the empty fireplace in their sitting room, he slowly pulled the straps down. The back of the dress, a plunging ‘V’ he’d failed to notice until his hand had slipped beneath her hair partway through the reception, had the sleek gown falling quickly to the floor.

He moaned, finding her standing in only a pair of lacy white panties, gartered stockings, and sexy white pumps. “You’re one gorgeous dame.”

She chuckled, sliding the jacket off his shoulders. “And you’re one handsome dude.”

“Tease.”

“Flirt.”

He chuckled as he took her by the waist and lifted her out of the pile of fabric her dress had created. “You tired, Mrs. Barnes?”

She shook her head. “Not tired, but a little hungry. I kept trying to eat and would get interrupted.”

“You should have said something, malyutka! You’re eating for two now. No skipping meals,” he scolded her gently, his hand dropping to rub circles over her belly.

“I did eat, but it was in fits and starts.” Pressing up on her toes, she wrapped her arms around Bucky’s neck. “You get me a snack, da? Pozhaluysta, dlya rebenka?”

Stroking her bare back, he shook his head. “Is this how it’s going to be for the next seven months? Whenever you want something from me, you’ll tell me it’s for the baby?”

“Da,” she snickered, kissing him firmly on the mouth. “I will not be able to use my body to get my way once I am big as house. I must learn new tricks for getting you to do my bidding.”

“Big as a house or not, you will always be the most beautiful woman,” he murmured. “And as that’s my brat in your belly making you big as a house, doll face, you’re just going to be sexier.” His eyes darkened, heated.

Franki sighed happily, melting into him. “You sweet talker. It’s already our wedding night. You don’t have to try so hard. I promise, you’re about to get lucky,” she whispered against his lips, feeling the hard length of him grow against her.

“Francessca…” he groaned, hands gliding down to grip her ass.

“Feed me first, Barnes,” she snickered when he froze.

“Still a tease,” he grumbled.

“And you’re a flirt.” He smacked her on the butt, making her jolt. “Hey!”

Chuckling as he let her go, he shot her a grin. “Don’t act like you didn’t like it, Franki.” He may not have understood the concept of pain equalled pleasure when it came to sex, and with Franki it was a moot point as pain just locked down her ability to feel anything, but she was a frisky little thing when it came to the bedroom. Far more adventurous than he’d ever expected. She quite liked his hands on her ass.

After he left the room, Franki darted toward the bedroom. It was all a ruse. She’d eaten enough to stuff the Hulk tonight. But she couldn’t put together the second half of her surprise if he were standing there watching her.

The girls had thrown her one hell of a bachelorette party. One which included some seriously sexy underwear, but it was the gift from Natasha she was after.

Her sestra had found a reproduction forties style nightgown in beautiful white satin. The wide straps made of the softest lace, dipped down into a deep ‘v’ both front and back. The satin made loose cups, slightly pleated before the waist tucked in tight beneath. Another wide band of lace defined her upper torso, then more satin fell straight to the floor.

She was ridiculously excited to wear it. So much so she giggled as she pulled it out of the box she’d hidden in her underwear drawer. Taking it reverently from within, she held it aloft, swiftly drawing it over her head. Flicking her hair from the back, Franki turned to the mirror and smiled. “Perfect.”

Bucky was going to swallow his tongue.

Squealing, she threw the robe on with it. It was a gift after all. The least she could do was let him unwrap her.

Hearing a noise in the other room, she took a deep breath, gave herself a wink in the mirror, and sauntered out to give Bucky his final present. “You were fast, snegopad. Are you perhaps ea…ger…” She froze in the doorway.

“Welcome, Mrs. Barnes. How good it is of you to join us.”

She didn’t recognize him, but the symbol on his chest was unmistakable. “Hydra scum!” she hissed, stepping forward. A half dozen weapons cocked, causing her to send a swift glanced around the room. “You are stupider than I thought if you think you can get away with this! Do you know how many heroes are in residence?”

“Two. You and Barnes.”

He’d called her bluff. The other’s had all left, returning to their homes or perspective worlds. “Are you so certain?”

“Positive.” His face was smug with triumph. “Come here, subject 7.”

Fear, overwhelming, unrelenting terror, pounded through her. “What?” she whispered.

“Or would you prefer Weapon F?” he chuckled. “Oh? Did you think the hard drive you stole was the only place the information on your… program was stored? How foolish. Come here now, and I won’t kill your… husband.”

Her legs were like lead as she walked across the room to stand with the middle-aged man. His features were cruel and hard, his eyes cold, his skin weathered. He’d evidently lived a hard life, one which had been permanently marked on his skin.

“What do you want?” And how the hell had they gotten in? There were at least a dozen agents around the room, each heavily armed. Why had their security failed? Where the hell was Friday?

He twisted a lock of her hair around his finger, tracing appreciative eyes down her body.

Franki refused to flinch. Her robe was well tied. He saw nothing more than her silhouette.

“They call you Reaper. What a shame. Losing someone of your talents will be horrible. It really is too bad we can’t simply wipe you. But, you will serve another purpose now.” His eyes dropped to her abdomen.

She had to fight not to recoil. There was no way they could know! What tests had been run had been done so by Helen, secretly and without a paper trail. This was merely him trying to reinstate the program. “I will never be a broodmare for Hydra!”

His hand latched onto her hair, jerked her around by it. “You will be a breeding bitch if that is what we tell you to be!”

All sensation had cut off with the first sharp pull. Cold, emotionless, empty, she stared him down. “I will never again be bitch for Hydra!”

“Not even to save your man?” he nodded towards the door.

“Franki, I wasn’t sure what all you’d want so I…” Bucky froze, eyes glued to Franki held captive by a Hydra agent. He shot a glance around the room, calculated the risks. “What do you want?”

“Ah, Winter Soldier. How good of you to join us.” He motioned Bucky forward with a wave of his gun.

Setting the plate he was carrying down, Bucky strolled toward Franki’s captor until the gun swung toward her temple.

“That’s far enough. Weapons?”

Gritting his teeth, Bucky shook his head.

“Show me,” the man from Hydra demanded.

Turning around, Bucky showed the tucked in back of his shirt. His sleeves were already rolled to his elbows, but he tugged both pant legs up. No weapons.

“Excellent. Now, we are going to have a little chat, then you are going to comply. Is that understood, soldier?”

Glancing to Franki, Bucky muttered, “Da.”

“Good, good.” The man chuckled. “It’s quite simple really. We want our soldier back. Comply, and keep your wife. Resist, she dies.”

The gun cocked. Franki’s eyes never left his.

“Fine.”

“Bucky!” Franki gasped.

“Shut up, Franki.” He looked to the man holding her. “Do it.”

“Such a good soldier. It will be so nice to have you back. Let’s begin, shall we?” He didn’t wait for Bucky to agree. “Zhelaniye.”

…longing…

Franki’s heart pounded when Bucky’s fists clenched. “No…” It couldn’t be…

“Rzhavyy… semnadtsat’."

… rusted… seventeen…

He flinched, curling in slightly, his eyes darting back to Franki’s. “Baby… take care.”

Franki cried out, but the barrel of the gun pressed to her temple.

“Rassvet … pecht'… devyat’.”

… daybreak… furnace… nine…

His hands went to his head, fisted there as he groaned, an excruciating sound that sent tears streaming down Franki’s face.

“Dobroserdechnyy… vozvrashcheniye na rodinu… odin.”

… benign… homecoming… one

He fell to his knees, the groan of pain becoming a scream of agony.

“Bucky! No! Fight it!” Franki screamed, uncaring of the gun at her temple.

The man holding her at gunpoint only laughed. “Gruzovoy vagon!” he crowed triumphantly.

...freight train...

All noise ended; silence reigned supreme.

Franki’s face was wet with tears. There was blood dripping from the lip she’d bitten through.

Bucky was panting, still on his knees where he’d fallen.

“Snegopad…” she whispered.

“Soldat?” the Hydra agent called.

“Ya gotov otvechat.”

… ready to comply…

“No!” she screamed. It couldn’t be! He’d been deprogrammed. But she found his eyes had become dead, lifeless. There wasn’t a hint of the Bucky she’d known anywhere in his familiar blue eyes. Here, now, sat the same type of soldier who had tried to kill her all those years ago.

The man with the gun hit her in the face, but it didn’t even register.

“Bucky,” she groaned. Sagging against the hold on her hair, the Hydra agent finally let go, allowing her to slump to the floor. Bitter tears cascaded down her face. “Bucky…”

“On your feet, soldier.”

Bucky rose, walked forward, paid no attention to her. “Ya gotov otvechat,” he said again.

“Here. Show me you’re a good soldier. Shoot the woman in the leg. I have seen a video of her powers. I wish to see it in person.” The man from Hydra handed his gun to Bucky.

Checking the weapon, Bucky pointed it at her.

She didn’t care. He wasn’t her Bucky anymore. Whatever he did from now on, she would never hold it against him.

The gun fired, but as she felt nothing, she didn’t bother to flinch or look up until the body of the Hydra agent fell beside her.

“Francessca! Move your ass!” Bucky bellowed, wrenching her to her feet. Firing as they went, he herded her through the door to their bedroom. “Goddamnit, Steve! Do it now!”

A loud bang went off behind them, making Franki jump.

Bucky only slammed the door. “Are you hurt? Did you get hit? The baby?” His hands ran frantically over her body.

She could only stare up at him in shock. “Bucky…” she whispered, reaching for his face. His frantic hands stopped when the sob escaped her lips. “I thought… but you were… but you had been deprogrammed! What the fuck, Barnes?” she screamed.

“Shh… easy, doll face. Calm down, baby.” He held her against him, rocked her gently side to side as floods of tears and choking sobs continued to pour from her.

Finally, once she was calmer, Franki pulled back enough to lightly pound her fist against his chest. “What the hell was that?”

Scooping her off her feet, he made his way over to the extra-large chair in their bedroom, one perfect for cuddling, or so he’d discovered when they’d first moved in. Sitting, he did so with her now, pulling her in, tucking her head beneath his chin, making sure she was wrapped up tight in his arms.  “No, the trigger words don’t work anymore. Steve and I, or Nat and I, go through them once a month, just to be safe. But, while we know the deprogramming worked, Hydra doesn’t. And we’ll keep it that way.”

A few more loud sounds, gunfire, slamming bodies, echoed outside her bedroom door. “And Steve? How did he know to come?”

“I knew the instant they breached the house and sent an alert. Not sure about outside yet, Friday was checking. But I couldn’t warn you, baby, not without tipping them off. I’m sorry, Francessca for scaring you like that.”

Turning her face into his throat, Franki trembled as the adrenaline wore off. “So much for our wedding night,” she sighed.

“And you look so beautiful. Where’d you find that, doll?” Her robe had come open in the rush for safety, revealing the lovely satin and lace beneath which he was slowly walking his fingers over.

“Natasha…” she sighed when his fingers trailed over her nipple.

“Hm, Natalia deserves a fucking statue in her honour. First your friend, then your sestra, now she gives you gifts like this? Damn, baby,” he chuckled, tugging her robe closed when silence outside preceded the knock at the door. “C’mon in, punk!”

“You’re a punk,” Steve grumbled, wiping drywall dust off his face. “You got to relax with a lap full of sweetheart while I cleaned up the mess.”

“Looks like you made a mess, belyy’ rystar,” Franki teased.

“You alright there, doll?” he asked, striding closer.

She nodded. “No damage, Cap.”

“Precious cargo and all?”

“Everyone is fine, Steven,” she huffed. “You are going to be just as bad as him, aren’t you?” She pointed at Bucky.

He didn’t even try to look contrite, just smiled and nodded. “We got ‘em rounded up, Buck, but you’re not going to want to stay here. Thor got a little… zealous and part of the roof is missing…” He rubbed at the back of his neck.

Another tentative knock came at the door, and T’challa poked his head through. “Am I interrupting?”

“Nope,” Bucky waved him in. “Who cares, it’s only our bedroom.”

“Hush, Bucky.” Franki scolded.

“I will not keep you, but I thought, with this sudden turn of events, perhaps it would be prudent to leave for your honeymoon… now.” The big man was in full Panther garb, carrying his helmet beneath his arm.

Steve, too, was fully equipped.

It always amazed her the speed at which they could get all that stuff on. “You might be right. Tony!” she bellowed.

“Yeah, precious?” His head, mask and all, poked through the open door. “Ooh, foursome. How progressive of you, Barnes.”

“Tony!” Franki gasped, “Get out!”

“But you called me in!”

“Then behave for once. This is important!”

He looked properly chastised, or at least his suit did. It was hard to tell with the mask down. He could be grinning for all he was worth in there.

“Fine. We have small problem,” she said.

“What’s that, doll?” Bucky muttered.

“The Hydra agent in charge, he called me subject 7.” She’d never seen four grown men panic so swiftly in all her life. “Calm down! I do not think they are aware of the program’s success, simply that I am with Bucky.” But it was too much of a risk to take. Especially now.

“We’re going to Wakanda.” Bucky’s voice was cold with finality.

“And if they come for me there? What happens when news of this pregnancy gets out?” She didn’t want to put more people in danger because it was convenient to hide out in Wakanda.

“My people would never speak of it if that is my wish,” T’challa promised.

“My baby is not something to hide!” Franki barked, tears coming to her eyes.

“You could always come to Asgard.”

She looked up to find Thor standing in the doorway, a massive grin on his face. “And never see my husband?”

His face fell.

Sighing, Bucky pulled her in tight. “We’ll figure it out, doll. Don’t fret. Let’s go to Wakanda, have a few nice days first before figure it out. Sound good?”

Sniffling, causing all the men in the room to freeze, Franki finally nodded. “Da.”

Twenty minutes later, her bags already packed, Franki walked onto the back of the quinjet.

Stopping at the top, she looked to her friends gathered at the bottom of the ramp. They waved or smiled, spoke words of farewell and well-wishes. She simply nodded, continuing inside to sit in the co-pilot seat beside Bucky.

“You okay, Franki?” he asked quietly.

“Da, but, I have a strange feeling I will not see them again for some time.”

When he reached over and took her hand, she knew she wasn’t the only one.

The End… for now.