#look i think it's dumb and not particularly funny when men do it

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

did they have 13 do anything like this? they shouldve had 13 do stuff like this

[kyuuppi]

Genshin men Instagram HCs

Ft. Xiao; Scaramouche; Zhongli; Childe; Alhaitham; Kaveh; Tighnari

(gender neutral reader but wears a dress in Scara & Zhongli's parts)

Xiao // @ a1atus

★ ★ pre-relationship ★ ★

Very rarely posts

Never pictures of himself, you’ll only see his face in tagged photos

If he does post, it’s probably a new album cover of a band he likes, a particularly good plate of almond tofu from his favorite café, or—if he’s in a particularly good mood—a cute stray cat that befriended him on the street

Never edits anything but still takes pretty decent photos because he understands basic composition rules

Never tags anything but will sometimes write simple captions like “new guitar”

His pfp has not changed since he made his account and its literally just the blandest selfie you’ve ever seen—but he’s effortlessly photogenic so even when he’s just staring at the camera with a blank expression he looks hot

★ ★ in a relationship ★ ★

Xiao will unintentionally do his loyal boyfriend duties and like all of your posts but he never actually leaves a comment unless you specifically ask him to but you have to tell him what to say or else you’ll just get something like “your hair is nice” LOL

Maybe makes one post related to you but it doesn’t have your face—just picture of your hands holding each other or a photo he secretly took of you from behind as you admire some paintings from when he took you on an art gallery date

Still doesn’t write much in captions but if the post includes you, he always adds a little black heart emoji 🖤

Scaramouche // @ balladeer

★ ★ pre-relationship ★ ★

Vehemently claims he’s not chronically online but he definitely is

Def has a dark / emo aesthetic profile and puts more effort into it than he’d ever admit

Uses stories pretty frequently

Usually to show off his game stats and victories or to vent about some annoying inconvenience that's just happened to him 

balladeer Jfc the train is late again I may as well just walk home everyday ffs

All his late night gaming photos are so highly saturated in his pitch black bedroom, the only source of light being his screen on max brightness and his violet RGB keyboard. If you raise the screen brightness on your phone you might be able to make out some empty Monster cans and ramen cups on his desk—he absolutely gives Discord / Reddit mod vibes 🤢

Definitely has a story archive just for Valorant 🤮

I wanna fuck him so bad it makes me look stupid—

Posts a few selfies to show a new piercing or the very rare occasion where he’s feeling really confident in his looks

unintentionally thirst traps the emo boy lovers; yes, I am talking about you and I—

Lightly edits photos or uses filters to make them look good but nothing extreme or super aesthetic, mostly just for decent contrast

Usually the first one to see any of his friends posts but never ‘likes’ them

Will leave snarky or sarcastic comments when the mood strikes tho

His pfp is a candid picture someone else took that he thinks he looks decent in—sticking his tongue out and giving double middle fingers to the camera

★ ★ in a relationship ★ ★

Makes a post or story for every date you guys have, even if it’s just a vague picture of your shoes together

He likes to show off that he has such an attractive s/o but also lowkey just wants to have a memory to look back on for the nights he feels lonely

Doesn’t post just you though, he’s always in frame holding you or touching you in some way—he feels the need to put some sort of claim cause he thinks people are gonna shoot their shot with you—he’s kinda paranoid and insecure, pls have patience w him

Likes and comments on all of your posts. Sometimes it's a snarky quip like if you post about you and your friends doing something funny he might comment “lmao ur so dumb” but if its a selfie or something you’re proud of, he leaves a little compliment and heart emoji.

YN0103 [bedroom mirror selfie of you shyly posing in a dress]

YN0103  Bought a new dress today…it’s not my usual style but I rlly like it 🥺

balladeer cute 💜

If anyone ever confronts him in person about his nice comments on your posts tho he’ll get flustered and claim his account was temporarily hacked LOL

His heart def flutters when you post a picture of him on your own account

He kinda can’t believe you’re proud enough of him to publicly post about him

Changes his pfp to the two of you together and, if you zoom in and squint, you can tell he’s kind of smiling <3

Zhongli // @ rex_lapis

★ ★ pre-relationship ★ ★

I’m sorry but I have to do it…

He has Facebook grandpa vibes

Like he has no idea how to use half of the features; stories are an absolute mystery to him. What is a reel?

But he tries to be supportive of his friends and will leave way-too eloquent comments with a Wikipedia levels of supplemental information

a1atus [ photo of a shiny Fender acoustic guitar laying on what seems to be a bed]

a1atus new guitar

rex_lapis Lovely new instrument, Xiao. You seem to have quite good tastes – that particular model is popular among many professional musicians. It is well renowned for its clear sound and beautiful mahogany exterior. If you wouldn’t mind, I would love to hear you play it someday over tea.

a1atus @ rex_lapis thanks

the way I cackled writing that exchange ygweyufgwyu Xiaos just like ‘thanks for commenting dad’

His pfp is not him—it’s probably a famous painting he likes or a beautiful white flower from a garden he visited

★ ★ in a relationship ★ ★

If you want him to improve his Insta game, you’re going to have to teach him, I’m sorry

On the up side, Zhongli is a great student and is eager to learn anything you teach him

Will try to post pretty regularly; usually somewhat mediocre photos of beautiful scenery like sunsets and flowers

Like Scaramouche, he enjoys the idea of documentary your time together so he posts something at the end of each of your dates

Your heart lowkey melts when Zhongli, very earnestly, asks after dinner if you’ll allow him to take a selfie with you to post on his Instagram

Regularly asks for feedback on his posts to ensure he’s properly taking your advice and improving :,)

He even starts organizing and naming story archives on his profile—simple titles like “tea,” “nature,” “friends,” and “my dearest”

Likes and comments on every single one of your posts and replies to all of your stories, even if he was there with you

Usually just lathers you in compliments on your beauty or tastes but they’re so thoughtfully written that it’s obvious he’s not “just saying it” and genuinely believes all the kind things about you he writes

YN1231 [photo of you twirling in a summer dress amidst a colorful of bed of flowers in a botanical garden, take by your friend]

YN1231 It’s finally starting to feel like spring! 🌸🌼🌺

rex_lapis While the camelias are lovely, they pale in comparison to your radiance. Your yellow sundress is also quite lovely and compliments your complexion in the morning sunlight. Truly a divine sight. 

balladeer @ YN1231 @ rex_lapis ugh can you guys keep it in the DMs

- Changes his pfp to a selfie of himself smiling after you told him he should. The angle is a little odd but he’s so naturally attractive that he still manages to look good. 

Ajax // @ tartaglia_on_top 

★ ★ pre-relationship ★ ★

Doesn’t post too often but when he does, it kinda gives stereotypical frat boy

Like, lots of parties and shirtless beach photos with his friends

The surprise is the occasional posts of his little siblings and kids he volunteers with in between

He sometimes posts championship and practice photos from his martial arts competitions with captions thanking his team and mentors

Is pretty popular—has a few thousand followers, many are people he met just once or twice at parties or genuine friends and classmates, but the vast majority are online fans who just follow cause he’s hot LOL

Is the type of person you followed once after meeting a long time ago and never talk to again but you can’t bring yourself to unfollow cause he’s nice and his updates are kinda interesting and he’s hot

Isn’t online that much so he doesn’t like/comment on his friends’ every post but usually tries to leave congratulatory messages when someone accomplishes something or graduates

His pfp is a closeup of himself with a boyish grin he cropped from a group photo

★ ★ in a relationship ★ ★

It is super obvious when you guys start dating cause almost every post from that point is about you in some way LOL

tartaglia_on_top [photo of Ajax, sweaty and exhausted but clearly excited as he holds a trophy in one hand with the other wrapped around your waist while he presses a kiss to your cheek]

tartaglia_on_top Officially a 3 year championship winner! Thanks to my biggest supporter @ YN0720 😘

He’s not even consciously trying to post you all the time, it just happens because you are either always together or any memorable moment he thinks are worth an Insta post involve you in some way

You’re the only person, aside from his family - that he actually likes/comments on all posts for

Is the type of boyfriend to leave those super dramatic, embarrassing comments on your selfies like “DAAAMN BABE 🥵 finna make me act UP” and, in one particularly shameless case, “god youre so hot pls step on me queen 😍” 

Please block him

He shamelessly liked all your past posts from before you too met as well—you were kinda mortified to wake up one morning to a notification that just said “what a lil cutie ❤️” on a post of yourself from seventh grade. 

Changes his pfp to a couple selfie he took of the two of you kissing on a winter vacation in the mountains

Kaveh // @ kaveh.designs

★ ★ pre-relationship ★ ★

Obsessed with having an aesthetic profile

Like, the color palette of the background and clothing in his pfp selfie are carefully matched with the cover of each of his story archives, down to the hex code

He carefully edits every post and uses filters to make them all fit with his theme no matter how inaccurate to real life they may become

“Huh…I thought your bedroom wall was a bit more orange than this…” 

“Oh, that’s cause I use 30% Juno in all my bedroom photos for a warmer finish.”

“???”

Despite his aesthetic profile, he doesn’t come off as particularly vain or narcissistic—only posts selfies when he’s has a particularly good hair day or changed his accessories

Most of his posts are of places he travels to (museums and big cities with interesting architecture) or his own sketches and rendered design projects

Online pretty frequently, always checks insta when he wakes up, before bed, and during lunch breaks

His stories are often project updates, interesting things he encounters throughout the day, or food photos

Only likes posts he actually likes and sometimes comments with photography critiques

tighnar1 [photo of a cluster of three bright blue mushrooms clustered against vibrant green grass and patches of dark, wet soil]

tighnar1 Proof the forest is an amazing place: found this beautiful little cluster of juvenile Rakkhashava mushrooms on my hike today. Great spotting by @ colleeei. Check my story for some cool mushroom facts. 🍄

kaveh.designs great photo composition, Tigh, perfect golden ratio on the caps.

tighnar1 @ kaveh.designs Thanks I guess…

Has a decent number of followers, many of whom are also artists familiar with Kaveh’s reputation from the Kshahrewar. Others just like his OOTD stories and charming smile

★ ★ in a relationship ★ ★

Kaveh revamps his entire profile once you two become official

His pfp becomes a candid taken by a stranger of the two of you together at an aquarium, holding hands as you point something out to him through the glass

It was taken by a photographer working at the aquarium as part of a promotion—the photographer showed you two the photo and asked for permission to post it on their official website and Kaveh was absolutely obsessed with the photo—it’s still one of his favorite and it doesn’t even show your faces

He still matches his archived story covers to his new pfp but his actual feed had become a lot more relaxed and natural now

He still slightly edits photos so they look as good as possible, but he doesn’t like using filters on photos of you or the two of you together because he thinks it would be a disservice to your natural beauty

Like Ajax, his posts and stories naturally become mostly about you whether scenes from your dates—candid photos he takes of you where he insists you look like art even though you’re just in pajamas with an unmade face—or even photos of things he sees throughout the day that remind him of you

Sometimes he posts stories of funny reels or art pieces he knows you’d like and tags you in them with messages like “@YN0709 omg remember when we were talking abt this?” and “me & @ YN0709💕”

Similar to Childe, leaves the most downbad, dramatic comments on your posts

YN0709 [swimsuit selfie]

YN0709 happy summer! ☀️🌊

kaveh.designs Oh my god my heart– 💘 I cannot believe I get to come home to this every night 👅💦

YN0709 @ kaveh.designs omg kaveh pls 💀

al_haitham @ kaveh.designs Every time I see one of your comments I regret ever learning how to read.

Alhaitham // @ al_haitham  

★ ★ pre-relationship ★ ★

Only made an account so his friends would stop bothering him about not keeping up with things tbh

Checks his feed a few times a day but skips through stories if they’re too long/too many

Absolutely hates concert stories the most cause they’d loud, long, and filled with off-key drunken singing

Never likes or comments on anything unless it’s really interesting to him

Occasionally shares reels in his story that are like interesting history facts or official Akademiya announcements

Has a few posts (and only cause Kaveh would not shut up about it) but they’re mostly just pictures of book covers he’d just finished reading with a detailed review or literary analysis as the caption—but he’s mindful of avoiding spoilers for those who haven’t read it

However, he does have one post that stands out quite a bit

He posted an unintentional gym third trap because he just happened to be working out, as is routine, and thought it might be nice to share some tips on proper rope pushdown form 

If you’re not a gym babe and don’t know what this is, I beg of you, please look up a gif or video and imagine Alhaitham doing this, shirtless. You’re welcome.

It has become his most popular post by far

His pfp is probably taken straight from his faculty ID card: plain background, bright lighting, neutral facial expression

★ ★ in a relationship ★ ★

After you two have become official and are pretty comfortably established in your relationship, he’ll post a photo of the two of you—probably one you took - with a simple caption like “Late night at Puspa Café with my favorite person 💚”

Everyone who knows him freaks out in the comments with variations of “omg hathie got an s/o???” and “wow he finally posted a normal pic of himself, y/n is a good influence” but he doesn’t reply to any of them lmao

If you use Instagram a lot, he’ll naturally become more active too because he enjoys learning more about what you like through your posts and stories

He likes all of your posts but never comments—if one of your posts interests him, he’d prefer to wait until he sees you later to ask you about it in person 

He just wants an excuse to talk to you more

As he becomes more active, little bits and pieces of your relationship naturally infiltrate his feed

His latest book review post has your favorite mug in the background because the two of you had breakfast together

His informational story post of an antique Sumerian emerald he found at a street vendor is being modeled by your pretty hands because you were with him when he saw it and later given to you after the vendor insisted on Alhaitham gifting it to his “beautiful spouse”

He changes his profile picture to the two of you from one of your many reading dates, comfortably lounging on a loveseat in a quiet corner of the library—and this time, he’s softly smiling

Tighnari // @ t1ghnar1

Surprisingly active on social media

He thinks social media is a great way to share information about the importance of forest conservation and get people to appreciate the beauty of Avidya forest

Makes one post almost every day and multiple stories

Needless to say, 90% of his posts are of plants or small animals he finds on his hikes or while working

His most popular posts are those of cute squirrels and birds that are being nursed back to health after being found wounded—animals just seem to naturally love him so the pictures are usually taken by his coworkers because his arms are full with cuddly animals that refuse to move

The other 10% of his posts are from the occasional hang outs with friends or coworkers after work—snaps of iced fruit teas from Puspa café or colorful clay plates overflowing with Collei’s homemade pita pockets. 

He makes sure to reply to or at least like every comment, particularly those from people asking questions about the plants he posts or how to become a forest ranger. Even simple “wow that's so cool” comments often get at least a “thanks, glad you liked it” from Tighnari

He tends to use some cute forest or food emoji when they fit with his posts. For example, 🍄,🥙,🦊,🐦, etc.

Also tends to use “:)” when replying to his followers because he knows it can be difficult to read tone in text-based communications

Tigh is basically a social media manager at this point oops

Because he is online so much, he naturally keeps up with almost everything his friends post and will like or comment on things he finds interesting

His pfp is a selfie of himself with a small yellow bird perched on his shoulder from one of his patrols

★ ★ in a relationship ★ ★

All Tighnaris written by me WILL follow the “fennec foxes mate for life” trope regardless of AU, it is an indisputable law of the universe

If you’re in a relationship with Tighnari, you should be prepared for stability and commitment in general

While he doesn’t go out of his way to make an official announcement post or anything like that, you become a regular feature on his page

Will tag you in anything you’re related to, unless you specifically ask him not to

t1ghnar1 [photo of a small, cream-colored fox brushing itself against Tighnari’s leg and looking up at the camera with large eyes]

t1ghnar1 On a walk with @ YN1229 this morning we spotted this cute little kit without her mom. 🦊 While adorable, foxes - even kits - are wild animals and should never be approached unless by professionals. We have informed the local animal control where she will be taken care of until we can locate her family. Photo by @ YN1229

He never outright announces you as his lover but he seems to spend so much time with you and refer to you so casually that his followers who don’t know him just assume you’re his spouse LOL

He doesn’t bother to correct them either :,)

bennie_boy Wow, that mountain is so high up - wasn’t ur spouse scared to go up there?

t1ghnar1 @ bennie_boy Y/n has been on so many trips like this with me that they’re pretty used to it. :)

Likes your posts as he see them on his feed and occasionally leaves a short comment like, “beautiful <3”

[sigmalaussene]

Top ten weird ways Oswald Cobbepot gets called in Gotham

As I was rewatching Gotham, I decided to write down every name that people in the show canonically call Oswald Cobblepot aka the Penguin. It was a wild ride. Please enjoy

10. "Funny looking fellow"

(season one)

We start with a simple one. This isn't even an insult, it's just a fact. He is, indeed, a funny looking fellow. I'm pretty sure they say it more than once too.

9. "The Dapper Gangland Kingpin"

(season two)

This one it's just silly, especially since it was written on a newspaper. Just... that's weird ? Idk it's silly it makes me chuckle

8. "Yellow rat snitch"

(season one)

We start getting a little weirder. Why a rat? And, more importantly, why yellow???

7. "Stupid lame birdbrain"

(season four)

Just so mean. Especially since this scene it's his dumb husband making a room full of people chant it

6. "Golden goose"

(season one)

Right back to season one and it's incredible dialogue. This one is particularly amazing thanks to Oswald's reply to it, which was, of course: "Honk honk". I can't even start to describe that scene. It's a classic.

5. "Beaky nosed freak"

(season five)

Definitely the best nickname the last season had to offer. Like, you know that moment when a guy kills your bestfriend/girlfriend and you call him the silliest name you can think of? This is one of those times.

4. "Scaley faced bitch"

(season one)

This is the first one in the show, directly from the first episode. I am a firm supporter of calling men bitches when they deserve it, and he did, so I wholeheartedly approve this message. Adding the scaley face part just makes it more poetic.

3. "Sad little breadhead"

(season two)

This one from never fails. Imagine it delivered with the most condicending tone in the world. Just amazing. Makes me laugh every time.

2. "Fruitcake leprechaun"

(season two)

This. This is the one that started it all. It was thinking about this one that I decided that this rewatch I was gonna write down all the nicknames. I dont know if it has something to do with english not being my first language, so I don't have the background of the word "fruitcake" used as an homophobic remark, but this name is one of the funniest things I have ever heard in my life.

1. "Limping little chickenbutt second banana"

(season one)

This couldn't not be on the first place. I am obsessed with the writers of this show, i want to get inside their brains. Because like what does it mean? How did they come up with this? I need to know every thought that crossed their mind for them to write this. This is art. This is poetry. Incredible. Amazing. Absolutely insane. Kudos to the actor who played Maroni because if they gave me that line I wouldn't be able to say it with a straight face.

Bonus:

(For the fans, he is also called "the only thing Nygma cares about". Just... you know, in case you forgot)

Some recurrent nicknames are: "Pengy", "Ozzie", "freak", "cockroach", "punk", bird related names (bird/birdman, feathered friend, chicken, turkey...) and "little"/"tiny" followed by almost anything (man, friend, dirtbag, bastard, creep, twerp, freak, weasel...)

Edit: i realize i didn't mention "Major Crumblepot" and that's on me sorry guys

His haircut is described as "disco vampire hair" at one point (another classic)

He is also called "specimen", which is really funny, and "dewdropper"?? for some reason I don't remember but it was in my notes and I couldn't ignore it lmao

[targaryenrealnessdarling]

No Pain, No Gain | Part 2 | PersonalTrainer!Aemond x fem!reader

A/N: thank you for all the love on the first chapter you little horn-dogs, particularly to all my queens I gave love to in the first chapter <3 you modern!aeomond girlies are smth else

Series Masterlist

cheers to @ewanmitchellcrumbs as per, for reading beforehead. luvu

warnings:  EVENTUAL SMUT, 18+, sexual tension, binge eating, mentions of breakup, cursing, dickhead Aemond, reader is horny af, English slang (soz), warnings will be added when needed

As much as you’d hate to admit it. Baela was once again right. Working out did make you feel a bit better. Getting your arse out of bed, with the constant ache of your legs and arms and forcing yourself out of the flat was a nice change of pace. Even more so when you thought about the fact you were doing something good for yourself.

 The two workouts you did after meeting Aemond for the first time were admittedly difficult. He’d sent you some workouts to do, each alternating depending on the day you would go to the gym. Legs, arms, mid-section. His sense of organisation was almost impressive, if it weren’t for the one word answers he would give he might actually be tolerable.

 You pull on your black sports bra. It’s Friday, exactly one week after you’d met up with him for the first time and to your distaste, you’d have to see him again. You’re about to pull it over your head, watching Baela fanny about gathering her stuff so she can stay with her sister for the weekend. It’s funny to watch her when she’s flustered like this, it makes her irritable, which is rare for her.

 “How is it…that my armpits ache?” you ask as you pull it over your chest.

��Baela white curls peer around the door, pursing her lips at the gym outfit.

 “What day is it today?” she asks, packing her makeup bag, a mess of dirty brushes and probably stuff she’s had for going on four years.

 Huffing, you check the schedule on your phone, “Some legs I think, maybe some core if I don’t kick him in the face”

 Baela shoots you a look, “Oh come on, he can’t be that bad”

 You sit on the bed, unlacing your trainers to pull them on, “It’s just his face when he said it to me. Genuinely he makes me just wanna-” your hands clasp together in a strangling motion, imagining his dumb face between your hands, “Ugh!”

 Once you’re laced up, you run your hands through your hair, “I hate men”

 “Same girlie” Baela says from the kitchen, “speaking of which I think your ex is back in town”

 You raise your eyebrows, “remind me, why I should care?” sneaking up behind you she squeezes your thigh playfully, right where the muscle is so tender, “Ah-ah, ow! You bitch”

 “Because you might run into him and I know what you’re like, ice queen” she says, packing every little thing into her overnight bag she can, even going as far as to sit on it, “if you do run into him just don’t give him the time of day”

 She jumps on the bag, trying to zip it up.

 Sigh, “Move, let me” you say, shooing her away.

 You lean your body over the bag, using your chest to sandwich the two parts together and zip the bag up, raising your arms in victory.

 “God that’s so hot” Baela says biting her lip to which you give her a playful swat, “Aemond’ll have you in that position later”

 Gag.

 “Baela! That’s your cousin!”

 She shrugs playfully, “Doesn’t mean you can’t fuck him”

 “I’m not fucking Aemond, Bae” you say sternly

 She scans you, silently judging, “You need a good dicking. I’m not saying it has to my cousin, but something please. You’re annoying when you’re horny”

 You put your hands on your hips, pretending to be offended as she drags her overnight bag to the door.

 “Oh please. I see how often you have to charge your vibrator”

 “Don’t you judge me”

 “I’m not judging, I’m just saying having a human dick might be due at some point” she half-shouts down the hallway, “Off to Rhaena’s, have fun!”

 The door slams shut after that.

 “Oh boy I will” you mutter under your breath, grabbing your car keys.

 Ping.

 And as if right on cue, the annoyance in question has sent you an Instagram DM. You read it already half-annoyed and tap off a reply as soon as you’ve typed it.

As much as you mean for the response to be sarcastic, you have a feeling he won’t get that vibe. And if he does, he won’t care.

 Besides, why doesn’t he use capital letters? Where’s the ‘sorry i’ll be late’? And who the hell signs off every message with their initials?

 This guy.

 He’s going to be the death of your patience for sure.

 Secretly, you appreciate coming to the gym in the middle of the day when it’s not as busy. It at least eases a tiny bit of that anxiety you feel. And you know it’s not true, but when it’s busy you feel like everyone is watching you, knowing that you’re not as fit as them or as good as them. It feels a bit like you’re on show.

 Once locking up your bag and coat, you pull your wireless earphone out and stick one in, pulling yourself onto the stairmaster. Start on Level 5 for 5 minutes and then the rest on 10, he had instructed. At first your legs felt like they were on fire, but it had gotten a bit easier as the week went on.

 As you step again and again, you put on a random playlist. Seeing as you and Baela share a Spotify, you get recommended some right tat and so you distastefully scroll past her music and land on a random one. Some 80’s tunes would have to do. You didn’t have any energy to care anyway.

 As boring as the stairmaster is, it gives you a good view for people-watching and generally being nosy. So as a-ha Take on Me plays in your left ear, you watch the various other gym-goers. Some putting very little effort into their workouts and slinking into the background. Some making way too much effort, banging the weights, grunting and generally acting like they’re cock of the walk.

 You’re so engrossed with people-watching, you almost jump out your fucking skin when someone yanks the airpod out your left ear, almost sending you arse over tit on the machine.

 “Shit” you mutter, hands grappling the handles.

 With a sour expression, Aemond pulls the airpod to his ear, frowning at the music.

 “80’s music. Really?”

 Your expression turns bitter pretty much as this dickhead opens his mouth. Briefly scanning him, he appears to be wearing the same kind of outfit. What fucking cartoon character behaviour is this?

 Yanking the airpod out his hand, you put it back in its case quickly, trying to hide the way your face heats up when you see how his hair is now and around his shoulders. Doubly so when his arms raise above his head to pull it into a bun in the middle of his head to get it off his neck.

 Bonk. Stop it. This guy’s a dick. If I‘m thirsting over my personal trainer, maybe Baela is right and it’s time to get out there and get laid.

 He gets onto the other stairmaster next to you and you try your best to ignore him. That is until he reaches over and adjusts the level on yours to go up to 10, as if you can’t do it yourself. A flash of annoyance passes your face and you swat his hand away.

 “I can do it myself, you know”

 He raises his eyebrows, victorious as if he’d wanted a reaction from you the moment he stepped in.

 “Tetchy” he muses.

 As he starts the same warmup, annoyingly faring better than you and barely out of breath, he doesn’t make another attempt to speak.

 “Busy day then” you say, startling him by speaking.

 He looks at you like he was just expecting you to be weirdly quiet the entire time.

 “What”

 “You were late”

 He raises his eyebrows, taken aback by the sudden conversation. But as swiftly as he looked over he turns away, “Family emergency”

 You furrow your brows, “Should you even be here if it’s a family emergency?”

 Aemond sighs, as if resigned from the conversation already.

 Well fuck me then I guess.

 The silence falls between you for a while and once your time is up, you hit ‘stop’ on the machine and go to the water fountain to fill up your water bottle. God it’s so difficult to even make small talk with the guy. As frustratingly attractive as he is, he’s not making it easy to get on with him.

 You screw the lid on the water bottle, adjusting the sports bra slightly and take a long sip, briefly looking behind you to see if he is still on the stairmaster. And he is. Staring right at you with that indifferent, stoic look. But as soon as your eyes meet, he looks down at his feet, stopping the machine.

 Was he staring at me?

 You can feel your cheeks burn with embarrassment the closer he gets, on the basis of filling up his own water bottle, suddenly feeling a bit self-conscious in just your black sports bra and leggings.

 Stretches, first. If you can get through this it’ll be fine.

 They go relatively smoothly.

 You say relatively…

 …you’re staring at him the entire time, stealing glances where you know you shouldn’t. A few times he nearly catches you, so you internally scold yourself for staring too much. But you can’t really help it, especially with the big fuck off mirror in front of you.

 “60 second plank, go” he orders flatly.

 You get into position on your elbows, ignoring the way he’s looking over your form. If you think about it too much you really might have to bonk yourself.

 As he kneels there watching, you freeze, feeling his large hand softly on your lower back, pushing slightly.

 “Don’t arch your back too much”

 He pushes more on your lower back, dangerously close to your ass, which only makes your upper arms shudder even more than they already are.

 His hand smoothes up your spine to your shoulders, resting in between them.

 “Relax your shoulders for me”

 Fucking helllll…

 It’s weirdly intimate and sinful, lustful thoughts are beginning to sneak into your brain.

 Stop, stop, stop.

 Be professional.

 But his hands are so big. Slender long fingers running up your spine which makes you swallow thickly. And the way he said ‘for me’ is not helping at all in the slightest.

 The last thirty seconds feel like fucking years, and even once he’s taken his hand away, pleased at your corrected form, you feel it. The way his hand felt. How it burns hot even now he’s taken it away. You can practically memorise where they were, and wondered how they would feel between your th-

 STOP IT.

 The timer goes off and you’ve never been more relieved that it’s over.

 “Squats next”

 Oh Jesus.

 They’re not much better. You already feel dumb doing squats with someone watching, but he’s watching so intensely, hands on hips that it’s just distracting.

 “Deeper”

 You meet his eyes in the mirror, face betraying the sinful thoughts you’re having.

 “Excuse me?”

 He raises an eyebrow, his eyes flitting over your flushed expression.

 “You need to squat deeper”

 Oh…

 You’re halfway through them when he approaches from behind, extending one foot out between yours to kick your legs further apart. His knee grazes your thigh and you think you might actually die. Because even though he’s just correcting your stance, it felt so intimate the way he just kicked them apart like that without saying anything.

 You look at him in the mirror but he’s still observing your body as you squat and you find your line of sight has diverged to below his waistline (for some reason) searching for something underneath his black sweatpants. That is until his eye flicks up to meet yours in the mirror in front of you, and feeling cornered, you flit your gaze away.

 Is it hot in here?

 “3 more”

 And there it is. The sour way he speaks. It’s amazing how just a few words can dull the spark so quickly.

 His phone buzzes in his pocket and he seems to somehow go even more sour when he sees who’s calling.

“Sorry, just need to take this” he mumbles, already with the phone to his ear as he rounds the corner.

 Once out of sight, you adjust the straps of your sports bra, visibly flustered. What the fuck is wrong with me, get it together. That’s it, as soon as I get home I’m downloading that stupid dating app again.

 You absolutely cannot think of him this way. You’re paying him as your personal trainer, it’s wrong to think of him this way. And on top of that, he’s an all round dick. One word answers, being generally rude and condescending. God, how can a man with looks like that be such an unbelievable twat and manage to keep clients?

 He’s gone for a bit longer than you imagined, so instead you go to the leg press, sitting down and pulling out your phone. Opening your browser was a dangerous one, the last tab you had open was a sex toy website. Luckily nobody is behind you, but it still piques your interest. Maybe you should buy more, for the horny, out of control woman you seem to have become.

 “Looking good, sweetheart”

 Oh lord. You recognise that voice.

 Dread pools in your gut as you look up and click off your phone. Your fucking ex is right there, leaning against the machine with that smug look on his face. You pull the most hateful expression you can muster.

 “What do you want”

 He has the audacity to shrug, “Can’t I say hello?”

 “No”

 “Oh, come on baby”

 “Do not call me that” you warn him, eyes blazing with hatred, “Save it for your girlfriend, whatever her fucking name is”

 “Girlfriend?”

 “Yeah, the one plastered all over my feed” you say sarcastically, pretending to fiddle around with the weights, knowing full well you can only leg press 18kg.

 He smirks victoriously, revelling in the fact you’ve not blocked him yet.

 “We’re not together”

 “Oh, that didn’t take long” you put on a sickly sweet voice, dripping with sarcasm, “so what, you think you can just come crawling back to me?”

 He doesn't answer that, he simply lets his eyes rake over you in the outfit you have one and says, “you look really good”

 “Thanks, now piss off”

 “You won’t even get a drink with me, baby?” he asks, trying to seem sweet.

 “If you call me baby one more ti-”

 “Can I help you?”

 Aemond’s stern voice makes the man jump and he looks behind him, smiling nervously. Aemond stands, hands in pockets, looking down at him like he’s shit at the bottom of his shoe. Briefly, his gaze flits over to you, seeing how annoyed and uncomfortable you are with his presence.

 Your ex gives him a once over and brushes past him, but not before sending you a, “See you around” before disappearing into the furthest side of the gym.

 Gag.

 Aemond looks behind him, making sure he’s out of sight before looking back.

 “Was he bothering you” he asks flatly.

 You scoff, “It was that obvious?” you reply sarcastically.

 Aemond asks no further questions than that, allowing him to surmise the situation for himself. He looks off into the direction your ex went, his tongue poking at his cheek in what looks like annoyance. Tearing your eyes away from his gorgeous profile once again, you adjust the weight to 18kg and get your legs in position. The horizontal leg press was a lot more beginner friendly, so you pull your legs in front of you against the plate.

 Aemond watches for a second, squatting beside you while you adjust in the seat, eyes rolling over your form. If he was being handsy before, that’s nothing compared to what he does now. He clasps his large hands around your leg, pulling them apart slowly so that your feet are shoulder width apart on the plate. But he keeps his hand there for longer than you anticipated, which makes you swallow thickly, face quickly heating up again.

 He looks up at you, “You need to spread your legs a bit more” he instructs lowly, his eyes trained on yours as he says it.

 You feel like you’re staring at his mouth, really analysing what he’s said. The connotations aren’t lost on you, and a familiar flutter blossoms in your belly. Clearing your throat, you start the set, trying your best to not look at him and just focus. Your clothes feel too tight and the air feels too hot. Electrified, as if a current could be passed between you both. Hands grip tightly onto the handles.

 He scoffs, reaching right over you to adjust the weights, “You can do better than that”. Even his voice seems to have changed and he’s so close you can smell whatever detergent he must use for his clothes, it makes you stay frozen in your spot. Now being able to see every little detail of his face, his arm so close to brushing against your sports-bra clad chest. Your brain feels like it’s made of cotton as your breathing shallows.

 He changes the weight to 30kg and watches you as you carry on with the set quietly. The weight isn’t bad in itself, you’re just not used to it, so your legs start to shake and your chest starts to flush with a soft sheen of sweat. Feeling a bit embarrassed about the shaky legs and the fact that he’s so insistently watching you makes you want to disappear into a hole in the ground.

 “Struggling?” he smirks.

 He smirks. The bastard smirks.

 You give him a look, but as much as you try, it’s not as icy as before, betraying how you’re really feeling right now. But if he sees it behind your eyes, he doesn’t let it show on his face.

 The bastard’s doing this on purpose.

 It’s not even the fact he’s doing it that makes you mad. It’s how easy it seems to be.

 He takes his hand away, obviously very pleased at what he’s done.

 You try to work through the last 3 reps.

 “Such a good girl for me”

 Your cheeks burn scarlet, your whole body is hot as you look over at him in shock. But he’s looking at you so casually.

 “What”

 He smirks again, raising his eyebrows, “I said just one more for me’”

 You just do the last one as quickly as possible, brushing past him with lightning speed to gather your belongings. The weights land back with a loud clunk. You are certain you’re going mad, feeling the sweat cool on your skin as you stuff your things in your bag.

 “You ok?” he asks with mirth in his tone. You don’t look back and nod your head quickly, just knowing that he’s right behind you with his stupidly large frame, stupid toned legs, stupid sexy arms, stupid long fingers, stupid stupid smile.

 “Yep, fine” you blabber it out quicker than you can think and try and change the subject, “Hope the family emergency is…okay”

 It comes out more awkwardly than you intended. Aemond only huffs a laugh through his nose. He’s not been this…weirdly friendly since the first time you both met.

 “My Dad’s dead but yeah”

 Your heart freezes instantly, and you break whatever promise you’d made and look at him. He looks very casual about it, hands in pockets, as if it’s just a minor inconvenience. Trying to keep your expression neutral.

 “Oh”

 There’s a bit of a quiet moment between you both as he raises his eyebrows.

 “Impressive” he says, making you send him a quizzical look.

 “What is?”

 He licks his lips, smirking at your confusion, “You didn’t default to ‘Oh, I’m so sorry’”

 He says it jokingly, but you can tell there’s some tension in his voice.

 “Should I?”

 You get the sense that this guy isn’t so often taken off guard, but the question you pose him now seems to and the smirk is wiped off his face, replaced with an unsympathetic expression.

 “No” he answers simply.

 Clearing your throat and throwing your coat on now that the heat of the situation has somewhat dissipated, you inhale deeply, “see you next week”

 His tongue pokes the inside of his cheek again, jaw twitching as his eyes search your face, before scanning you again. That smirk tugs at one side of his lips, making your eyes flit there for a brief moment, admiring their shape as he speaks.

 “See you then”

 You’ve never been more sexually confused in your life you think. So even when the session is over, you just sit in your car, processing it all. Even scrolling through your phone doesn't take your mind off it, reminded by your past search history.

Your flat is weirdly quiet without Baela there, lonely even. For a few hours it makes itself quite useful, as you lay in bed with your current favourite sex toy trying to get these horny thoughts out of your head. But every time you’re close he pops into your head. Jolting you back into the real world.

 He’s a personal trainer, he’s supposed to be hands on. You’re just touch-starved.

 He’s a dick!

 Maybe he’s just cold at first.

 He thinks you’re a weak as fuck, stupid and brainless. Who are you kidding?

 Your brain attempts to make sense of it all.

 After (unintentionally) edging yourself for what feels like hours, your brain and thoughts betray you severely and you orgasm washes over you with a pained and shuddering cry, all while thinking about all the ways he touched you today and what it felt like to have his burning skin on yours for just a moment.

 “Fuck…” you sigh out loud..

 You want to fuck your personal trainer.

 Buzz buzz.

 ‘Hay-Baela’ appears on your phone and you pick up quickly.

 Baela: Evening hoe, how’s things?

Y/n: Fine, just devoured a takeaway.

Baela: Anything nice?

Y/n: Just some Indian food which I’m sure will come back to haunt me.

Baela: Be a shame if it didn’t. How was your session?

Y/n: *sigh* yeah fine, my legs were shaking a bit during leg press though. Had me on 30kg.

Baela: Yeah, Aemond said you did well.

 Wait…what?!

 Y/N: Eh?

Baela: Aemond texted me earlier, said you did good and you were toning up well?

Y/N: Right…

Baela: Anyway, have a good weekend, don’t burn the flat down. Oh, and I’ve got a parcel arriving tomorrow.

Y/N: Wait, Bael-

Baela: Bye!

 The bitch hangs up on you, leaving you in a post-nut haze, confused and somehow more horny than when you started.

The fucker must be doing this on purpose.

“Fuck!”

Taglist (bold couldn’t tag): @mrsgrwy @lovelykhaleesiii @urmomsgirlfriend1 @iiamthehybrid @namelesslosers @chainsawsangel @warmfieldofgrass @mynameisbaby9 @afro-hispwriter​ @tempo-rary-fix @toodlesxcuddles @definitelynotsatans​ @svtansdaddyx​ @tssf-imagines​ @darkenchantress​ @vrtualfairy​ @fan-goddess​ @skikikikiikhhjuuh​ @helaenaluvr​ @sarahkimtae​ @blackxisxmyxcolour​ @castellomargot​ @girlwith-thepearlearring​ @julczimozart​ @amazingdisneyfansblog​ @slutforaemond

[sunnysideaeggs]

uuuuh okay thoughts about S2E1 (disclaimer: SPOILERS! and some unpopular opinions bc i WILL be criticizing alicent). most of these i had during my watch yesterday, and now i’m elaborating on them after more thinking about it. looooong post ahead

okay i liked the new intro. i will miss the blood pouring but i think the tapestries are a more visual way to convey targaryen history.

my favorite parts were the shot of vhagar and balerion in the field of fire(? idk they were eating men (green dragon black dragon !!!), the jaehaerys and alysanne portrait, alicent and rhaenyra and aegon and rhaenyra crowned side by side. beautiful.

also, the blood beneath the thread !!! targaryen history is written in blood. never forget this.

i dont particularly like jace being at the wall. it makes little sense to me, especially because the north is massive and i don’t think that cregan would like to make a procession to the wall just because a prince is there. i liked the tidbits though: jon going to the watch is a tradition he followed unknowingly :)

show me more political jace please, he’s cool.

‘surely torrhen would’ve rather died instead of bending the knee unless he believed aegon could bring unity to the 7K’ jace pls 💀

it’s funny that in one scene rhaenys and daemon had more tension and chemistry than all the scenes of daemon with adult rhaenyra. maybe what he needs is a GILF to put him in his place? lmao

LAENA MENTION LETS GOOOOO

‘make it a son for a son’ referring to aemond? alicent has no bone to pick here be fr i can smell bleach for the whitewashing a mile away

i also have issue with the writers’ choice of making rhaenyra ignore her physical needs and spend apparently days riding on dragon back and doing jumps and that when she just had a miscarriage. it’s canon that she was in bed rest for half a year because the loss of visenya took a toll on her body. it will be dumb and criticized if she’s fine to disappear for weeks but not to fight.

alyn velaryon? ok i’m mad bc corlys literally knows this dude is his son ???

i love how we all pretend that corlys and rhaenys were particularly interested in the strong boys. idk i can’t really care about that anymore

ow is helaena sewing alicent a dress? please tell me it’s not a shroud

AEGON APPEARED WOOO 🍳✨

‘where’s jaehaerys? where are his lessons?’ my man doesn’t know to what school his kids go lol

also he can recognize the twins apart with only seeing them :)✨ cute

aegon wanted jaehaerys in his council !!!! he’s making sure jae KNOWS he’s his heir and he’s on aegon’s mind

oh hel is comfortable enough with him to tell him about her prophecies, i’m just afraid that no one understand her

‘the rats’ NOOOOO

aegon is always like ‘😐❔’ around her lol

‘the queen is an enduring mystery’ he’s a poet i love him

alicole pussyeating but at what cost

why does criston has that empty look in his eyes, he had the same look in his scene with rhaenyra

where is all the raw emotion between them from last season? it’s giving cersei and lancel when it should be cersei and jaime. no deep gazes, no catholic guilt, something’s amiss

jaehaerys and egg </3 my feels they’re so cute

okay i have a bone to pick here because why is tyland being treated like a joke? i can get past jaehaerys toying with him because he’s a child, but aegon respected his allies (that’s a big part about him) and would never antagonize them in that way. it’s given rhaenyra and lady redwyne when we know both characters differ the most in the way they treat their subjects.

also, this is TYLAND LANNISTER, the most employed guy ever. he literally put his skin on the fire for his team, he’s loyal and he’s the best ally the greens could’ve asked for. if anyone is to thank for the death of the dragons, it’s him. put some respect on his name because this is the finance bro to end all finance bros.

also he’s always saying important things: the treasure in the green council, jason’s moves here. please listen to him!

another thing i dislike is the way important political moves are being brushed off. the treasure is a big big matter. it should be said explicitly what the council is doing about it being the focus of the scene. i’m sure most casual viewers didn’t catch that the comedic relief is making big money moves that will backfire later.

but anyways jaehaerys is so cute hehe

happy father’s day to aegon targaryen and aegon targaryen only

okay i’m rewatching the jaehaerys and tyland scene and i love tyland’s accent, and how polite he is to the little prince

go aemond in the council !!!

‘you do not have a seat in this council’ okay alicent please stfu. i disliked her demeanor since she was chastising aegon and tyland but this is too much. remember you do not have a seat either.

and no she doesn’t: she’s queen mother, not queen regent. aegon is an able adult and can rule without her help. i know the only council we had was with cersei but that’s because joffrey and tommen were under westeros’ age of majority. that alicent is there is out of aegon’s kindness and the council members’ respect.

also why would she be mad that the brothers are brothering ??? girl you wanted them to be on each other’s side

SUNFYRE MENTION LETS GOOOO

‘we must proceed cautiously’ i think all caution must be thrown overboard here. i know they want to portray A/R as the ‘voices of reason’ being pushed to war and all but sometimes violence is necessary to prevent more violence. what tywin said about murdering a dozen people in a dinner and a thousand in battle.

i’m tired of this aemond slander. he did it, but he’s innocent your grace

why larys kinda…

ok i love his voice

oh so now every move of alicent is seen by larys. she knows that he knows. neat.

why do the handmaidens wear green? they should wear gold ☀️

okay i initially thought syrax was sunfyre because of the pink of his wings. i hope sunfyre is golden smh

it’s neat that we remember than no matter what side we’re on, for the common people dragons are a source of fear and caution. the fishermen are loyal to rhaenyra yet they will run away from her when she’s on syrax because they don’t trust a dragon.

rhaenyra’s pain is so deep, i really empathized with her. absolutely devastating. her expression, her grabbing the cape, everything

emma is so fucking talented for real, making me feel for the death of a character i dislike

(oh how the mourning of a woman for her child will cause thousands of mothers mourning their children the same)

‘aegon the magnanimous’ when your homie gives you a ridiculous nickname

my boy sits and listens to his subjects, calls them by their names and tells them not to be afraid. hello jerard what can i do 4 u? :)

i love how egg is like ‘yea whatever take ur sheep jerard pls like me’

okay i dislike otto here. aegon is obviously into crowd pleasing (a secret tool that will be useful later) and for once it’s okay. jerard will go home with his sheep and be a diehard aegon supporter and raise his kids to be the same, tell his friends about the king’s generosity. i think otto should know better than to angry the population in time of war, even if you can’t make the flock whole, give the man grain or coin so he can feed his family and the effort of going to the king’s house.

hugh? like hugh hammer? ooooh

‘our victory depends on the efforts of the smallfolk’ close enough welcome back princess diana

another otto slander moment here. i don’t think it’s wise to chastise the king (an adult, mind you) and putting himself in between of aegon and the court like that. did we saw otto with viserys? he sat by his side and whispered his advice in a discreet manner. he didn’t try and strongarmed his king in front of dozens of people. that’s not a smart way of doing things. it’s called soft power for a reason

also, i think the directors were trying to make otto parallel tywin in that joffrey in the throne scene, but tywin was explicitly trying to get joffrey to be more involved in the council and the two were alone. give it to aegon, let him have his fun in public and manipulate him in private, that is the way. doing dumb shit like that only makes aegon look like a kid and otto like a shameless powergrabbing dude

one thing i appreciate is that aegon has his own court. he has his lads-in-waiting, he has a few ladies following behind, and that’s how a king should be. we always saw the royal kids isolated (joff, tommen, rhaenyra only had alicent) when in reality most important people will have a flock of people accompanying them every day.

now that’s what i’m talking about. larys is all about being subtle, honey trapping his way to power. that’s how the game of thrones is played. while aegon will not agree with him just like that (because larys gives him the oogies), i’m sure he will remember larys’ words.

‘as viserys wished’ oh don’t speak of him fuck what he wants

an ally would not sit there and cut her legs at the table of men? girl you do that yourself

alicent, the problem is not otto undermining you, is both of you yapping about shit aegon and aemond not care about and winning empty victories lol

aegon will probably forget about jerard next episode, but will not forget feeling his wings being cut by otto. aemond remained in the council room but will remember alicent wanting him gone.

i wish alicent and otto believed more on their kids/grandkids

mysaria apparition yay

‘you speak of highborn games, i am common born’ tell him girl

daemon don’t put your hands on women challenge: impossible

chemistry with mysaria? uuuuh

i love how everyone reminds erryk of arryk like ‘ayo where ur bro at?’ a matching set is not matching, it’s giving the parent trap

‘i want aemond targaryen’ okay at least she knows who to blame. i want to see more of vengeful rhaenyra, let women be mad

daemon going for aemond instead of for jaehaerys is such a cheap move smh, whitewashing at its finest

jaecarys and rhaenyra :(

is it too insensitive to say that jace’s hair looks great? you’re serving cunt? your brother just died and you’re serving cunt?

ow alerie florent :((((

FUCK VISERYS TARGARYEN

i really like the symbolic funeral. that shot of rhaena crying over the fire? chills

is it me or they changed joffrey’s actor? idk

uuuuh alicent idk if that’s empathy or weakness 🙃

once again i don’t think it’s neat that they show blood being a normal goldcloak. he was discharged dishonorably for femicide. be honest

cheese’s actor kinda looks like joaquin phoenix

‘i want aemond targaryen’ i hate this fucking show.

ROSBY AND STOKEWORTH MENTION LETS GOOO

criston agreeing with aemond in private but backing alicent in public is the medieval version of ‘yea kid ur right but i don’t wanna fight with your mom’

criston looks so tired :(

‘her grace speaks with two tongues’ SAY YOUR TRUTH AEMOND

it is vain to try and blame aemond for starting the war when the war was brewing since before he was born. rhaenyra wouldn’t give up her claim, daemon wouldn’t accept it. if rhaenyra ascended, the targtowers die. there’s not another version of this story

‘she holds love for our enemy, that makes her a fool’ that makes her a traitor. especially after the events of tonight. do we think rhaenyra has a designated green supporter that tries to get her to the green’s side? why would the greens have a rhaenyra cheerleader then?

gods forbid something happens and otto is not there 🙄 control freak

i like how they’re making aemond more rage-filled. careful ewan your book!aemond is showing

‘aegon the strong’ ‘my nephews have already taken that one’ but egg 💀💀💀

i really love how aegon has his court. he’s protected by the throne’s swords AND his homies got his back

the true king can sit however he likes. he lounges on the swords and they’re as soft as pillows to him. pretenders can’t relate.

in a deeper level, it shows how he’s comfortable both in the throne and surrounded by people. he has high trust. kinghood is a tool he doesn’t have any training on but he holds it like a natural

aegon truly trusts aemond. i love that for them. if they make aemond to be treacherous i’ll cry

AEGON THE DRAGONCOCK 🐲 rip leon estermont you would’ve loved shitposting

also why the ratcatchers are just walking around the keep? are they in the tunnels or in plain sight?

the kick to the doggie :( i really hope they didn’t really kick a dog for that

unrelated but i really need the rats around the red keep to mean something like larys skinchanging into them. they can’t be a red herring or just blood and cheese. they have too many shots

again, why are they out and about? isn’t it weird to see dudes in the middle of the night?

helaena’s maid looks like emma stone and she has really good eyebrows. i’m pretty sure she knows something (larys agent ofc)

how do we go from searching for aemond to threatening helaena? whyyyyyyy

oh right we had to blame the smallfolk for being soooo greedy and wicked and stupid that you tell them kill a great warrior and they kill a baby. because daemon can’t ever order a baby killed amiright?

the little beds noooooo :( baby jaehaerys

okay i was expecting more of helaena. in the books she’s described as pleading, begging, crying and so on. phia is killing it with the eye expressions but she looks stiff in comparison with only her necklace. even trying to bargain more (my husband can give you everything and more), some more tears, some stuttering would fit show!helaena’s too. that’s on the directors tho

i also dislike the choice that anyone can just barge in the room, literally they had to make the castle desert instead of blood and cheese waiting for hel in alicent’s rooms. i know someone is going to make the point of ‘why didn’t helaena scream or run?’ and yes partly. guess we had to slander alicent in another way right?

but alas, i am thankful that a prediction of the scene didn’t came true: no children being forcefully stripped. that would’ve sent me over the edge. they implied it but no child actors were harmed in this episode

omg the sounds of the head cutting and jaehaerys’ muffled sounds i wanna cry

helaena is so lost and the castle is a maze and nobody’s there and she’s lost lost lost and running with jaehaera i can’t

did she saw a vision there? when she stopped and went to alicent’s room

imagine going to comfort for your mom and she’s at it

‘return to your post lord commander’ why didn’t you criston? 🙃

also it didn’t pass me by that aegon has THREE kingsguards in addition to his four homies and his own sword. helaena had none. even if he was off duty and he’s sworn to alicent and not helaena, the lord commander is not commanding

THREE maids at the start of the episode doing absolutely nothing and none here? i’m so mad

‘they killed the boy’ :(((((

also why is helaena so disconnected? like why is she ‘able’ or is she in shock? i hope if they don’t make her go insane with pain like in the book she gets a revenge arc where she goes on dreamfyre, she deserves it.

i hope aegon kills them all.

[zarkishere]

Pls.. Mire on the callander boys.. Pls.. I love the way u characferize them i NEEEDDDD more headcanons feom you🤩

HELLLL YEAHGJHFH YUIPPEEEE I LOVE YAPPING ABOUT THEM !!!

Mac nd Davey hcs time LETSGOOOO

i'm not sure i ever explained their scars in my character sheet soo...i'll explain those first :3 _______

- Neck -

back then, my hc was that they joined the gang because they were nearly hanged, but Dutch swooped in at the last second to save them, and ever since that they clung to him like sad puppies. I’ve changed my mind about how they joined a lot, I don't really have a real 'this is how they joined the gang' thought in my head rn sooo...i guess now I just think that scar comes from 'they're lil bitches, they've dodged hanging by a thread before for SURE' - Arms -

Davey has a scar on his left forearm that I just labeled 'burnt' which is kind of funny to me...he got it trying to sneak food from the pot too early and got spooked when someone called for him. He jerked his arm away and YEOCH!! dumb dumb idiot.

Mac's scar is from an explosion...dumb dumb idiot x2 - Legs -

Bro (Davey) got plenty of scars on his knees from falling as a kid. I imagine they were really energetic and probably went fishing along the rocky shore, leading to quite a few owchies.

The scar near his knee is from a gunshot wound; someone tried to take him out and shot him there to keep him from escaping (he's stupid and ran out of bullets). Luckily, Mac saved him before he could take a bullet to the forehead <3

then...the matching beartrap scars....they're just stupid that's all HASJHASJHAS <3 - Stomach -

Mac has a few on his lower stomach, cause uhmmm…someone really wanted him dead !! stabbed him a few times. it a miracle he lived, really.

__________ Other HC'S : -------------

Their parents weren't particularly abusive (in fact, they were quite lovely), but they were 1800's nuclear family, so you can imagine Mac and Davey got a good few good smacks every now and then. It's no surprise Mac has anger issues, given he's the older brother. He got it worse than Davey. Davey does not remember ever getting hit, or anything bad happening in fact, and since Mac refuses to tell him anything bad from their childhood, Davey isn't consciously aware about it. His unconscious knows, though. not the kind of thing you'd forget. Whenever Dutch raises his voice, the brothers can feel themselves grow tense..

Davey really loved his mom, like a lot. Not a momma's boy, but she always patched him up (trouble child lol) and spent time with him whenever Mac left with their dad... He's scared of thinking of her, 'cause what if he's forgotten her face? her voice?

Mac (used to) love his dad! spent all the time he could with him, and since Mr.Callander REALLY wanted Mac to be just like him, he taught Mac everything he could. What a shame that Mac became such a disappointment, no? He looks at himself in the mirror and sees his father, telling him he'd better keep himself in line.

Mac and Davey really liked fishing--not with a fishing pole, but with nets! they used to do so as kids, this tiny river that only really had smaller fish...

Davey really likes getting the bridge of his nose caressed. He NEVER told anyone, since it's really embarrassing, but...Mac knows. Of course he does, he's the one that figured it out. Davey was just a little baby when he did. Cute little baby David Callander sleeping on a rug, Mac sitting right next to him softly caressing his nose with the pad of his index finger.... Davey doesn't remember that, but Mac could swear it happened just yesterday.

They lived on the streets since their parents died, robbing and fighting folk until they were nearing their 26th birthday, and they managed to escape Scotland (they were already very wanted men). They sneaked on a boat, unaware of where it was headed, just hoping it'd be better than their old home... Mac still grieves their parents old house, even if they never went near it again after they died.

Since the brothers lived on economy of war pretty much their whole life, they're REALLY cheap about most things...they're the kind of people to check out 10 shops just to see which one's the cheapest. That is if they choose to pay at all...

_____

Alright that's all HASHJKASHJAS i have more but i thought this was long enough :) i love them so much yippeee I MISS THEMMM NOOOOOO (blows up)

[queen-of-writing-bad-things]

Henry Danger Reader Insert | Captain Man x Reader: SEASON 2

Episode 18: Danger and Thunder, Part 2

Having reached the main room again, Ray punched a goon in the nose, making him fall on Jeff. He only hoped that he could give his friends enough time to escape. With (y/n)'s kiss on his cheek, he felt invincible, so he ran across the room, leapt in the air and gave another henchman a strong superman punch. He took down another guy and another, and when Jeff tried to grab him, all he had to do was snarl and he fell on the floor like a baby.

"Ooh, here. Got it!" The Toddler suddenly caught sight of the heliometer in Max's hand and snatched into his own grubby mitts, which didn't go down very well with the Thunder twin. Still,  he was smart enough not to argue with the criminal leader, particularly when he was going after Captain Man.

"Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah!!" He taunted in his baby voice and fired the weapon at the superhero on the last "nyah". A light blue beam of energy blasted Ray, making him float into the air and when he exclaimed in fear, his voice was all squeaky.

"It's not funny! I mean it! You put me down right now! Okay, go ahead! Laugh it up!" Ray squealed at the criminals, but all they could do was laugh. He sounded like one of those chipmunks from that annoying movie. 

"Is that all you got? Is that the worst you can do?" Ray asked, thinking that if this was the full extent of their torture, he could do it all day.

~

Or not. The criminals had upped the ante and now, Ray was sitting in a block of solid concrete on a moving train, completely immobile and powerless. Shit, whatever they were planning on doing to him couldn't be good and he had no way out.

"Okay, this is a lot worse." He gulped as he, The Toddler, Van Del, Minyak. and Max Thunderman raced across the land. The train had to have some significance, but he was too preoccupied by his inability moving to think about it.

"All right, Todd--" The superhero tried to reason with his enemy,  but he had forgotten that the man-child didn't like that nickname coming from him.

"Toddler!" He snapped, screwing his little man/baby face up in rage.

"I wanna know why you put me in this cement! And why we're on top of this train!" He demanded as he tried to muscle his way out, but it was useless. It was way too thick, even for his super strength, meaning he was rendered useless.

"Well, first off, we hate you." The Toddler started and that was understandable. They were enemies, and enemies hate each other, so fair play.

"And we want to get rid of you." Van Del added as Max got antsy. He didn't want to get rid of anyone, he just wanted to grab Minyak's gadget and go.

"Well, I'm just here to hold the heliometer, so..." He reached for the weapon, but it was swiftly retracted by The Toddler, who didn't like to share, especially with naive, wannabe supervillains who meant nothing to him.

"Hey, don't touch my stuff!" He snarled, frowning at the teenager, who paled when he realised that he had upset one of the world's craziest criminals.

"I just wanted to hold it!" Max whined, but he had ruffled Toddler's feathers and he wasn't backing down without giving him a stern talking to.

"You're not allowed to touch my stuff!" They descended into bickering, allowing Ray to try and squeeze out of his cement prison, but it was futile. The Toddler had turned back around before he could even make a crack.

"So, Captain Man. In exactly forty-two minutes, this choo-choo train is gonna go straight over the new Jandy Bridge." He said with an evil grin, making Ray turn his head to look at the bridge in the distance. 

"At that point, we're going to throw you off this train" Minyak smirked as the three evil men revealed their heinous plan.

"Right into the Jandy River." Van Del finished, but that didn't sound too bad to Ray. Yeah, it wasn't great, but it could be a lot worse.

"So? I'm indestructible, that won't hurt me." He pointed out, feeling pretty smug about his superpower. Were they dumb? How could they have forgotten that?

"We know! So have fun spending the rest of eternity at the bottom of a river!" Toddler exclaimed cruelly, smirking at how Captain Man grimaced at their plan. Screw the river, but eternity without (y/n)? She'd forget all about him and move on to some other guy who would never love her as he did. That was the real torture.

"We hope you like fish!" Minyak gloated, adding to Ray's irritation.

"And fish poop!" Van Del added and they all began to laugh as Ray fought against the concrete holding him back.

"This is what you get for letting your pretty girlfriend Miss Danger fool me! Maybe when your spending eternity with the fishies, I'll make her my pretty playmate instead!" The Toddler cackled when Captain Man's face screwed up in anger. How dare they threaten his girl, he was doing all this to keep her safe and he'd be damned if Toddler twisted her innocence.

"Toddler, you sick bastard!" He growled, infuriating the man-baby even more.

"Jerk!" He whined back, not liking it when his prisoner insulted him.

"Scum!" Van Del joined in, wishing to please his boss, even though it was nearly impossible to gain the praise of the lunatic.

"Handsome!" Okay, that was a weird one from Doctor Minyak. He'd been hanging out with Nurse Cohort too much. Normally, she was the one who said that.

"What? Look at him." He defended himself when his fellow villains looked at him in betrayal and disgust. To be fair, Ray was very handsome, but he only liked one person saying it in that way and she was hopefully far, far away from this danger. Or was she?

~

High in the sky, Schwoz and Charlotte had scrambled the Mancopter and along with Henry, Phoebe and (y/n), were currently scanning the ground for any sign of their kidnapped friend. (y/n) had been in hysterics for hours after safely guiding the teens back to the Man Cave in the submarine and now, she was on a mission to save her best friend.

"Henry, hurry! We've got to find Ray!" Schwoz shouted above the noise of the whirling blades as the boy, woman and girls scoured the fields and mountains using their binoculars. Any sign, just one was all they needed.

"You don't think we know that?" (y/n) retorted sarcastically as she leaned over Phoebe's and Henry's bodies to look through either window. She knew that sarcasm wouldn't help, but she couldn't help it when Schwoz said daft things. Ray was in peril and they were the only ones who could help him.

"I'm trying to find him!" Henry yelled back as he looked at his PearPad that was reporting Ray's location. Thank God, they had built trackers into the super suits.

"He's moving really fast, like, at sixty-two miles an hour!" He reported, finding Ray's speed weird since there was nothing around here for miles.

"Well, then maybe he's in a car!" Charlotte suggested as she briefly looked up from her binoculars.

"No way! He's following a direct path along the Swellview Train track! And you can't drive a car on railroad tracks, how can Ray be moving so fast?" He asked, not getting it even though he had essentially spelt it out for himself.

"You moron!" (y/n) shook her head at his words as Charlotte looked back at Phoebe with an eye roll.

"You take this one." She told the older girl, feeling more than to let someone else be the smart one for a change.

"Maybe. He's. On. A. Train." Phoebe sounded it out like she was talking to a child, and that's when it clicked for Kid Danger.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't hear what you said over all this helicopter noise!" He lied, trying to make out that he wasn't as dumb as he was. 

"Yeah, right!" (y/n) snorted, finding his lie unbelievable. Teen boys must think girls are stupid.

"Hey, Schwoz!  I think Ray's on a train!" The boy ignored (y/n)'s biting remark and Schwoz followed his command. The genius turned the ManCopter towards the train tracks and increased the speed so they'd make up for their lost time.

'Hang on, Ray we're coming.' (y/n) murmured internally. She just hoped they weren't too late.

~Back on the train~

Captain Man was using all of his strength to try and force his way through the cement, but he wasn't budging and to his worry, the Jandy Bridge was fast approaching. Seeing that The Toddler was distracted again, Max tried to nick the heliometer from his belt, but to his annoyance, the tiny movement was caught by the man-child.

"Hey! What are you doing back there?" He hissed at the boy, who gulped at being found out. Quick, think of a lie and make it a good one!

"Uh, just...is that a real diaper?" He asked, hoping it would distract The Toddler from his attempt to steal the weapon.

"It is. Why? You wanna change me?" Toddler asked darkly, fiddling with his orange shorts as he adjusted his diaper underneath. That was quite possibly the grossest thing Max had ever heard.

"No!" He quickly declined, gagging at the mere thought of doing that.

"Good answer! Ooo, I see the bridge!" The criminals returned to looking at their approaching destination and it was then that Max heard Ray trying to beckon him over.

"Pssst!" He hissed and waved for the kid to come over to him. He reluctantly did so and prayed that The Toddler, Minyak or Vandel didn't see him in cahoots with the enemy.

"What do you want?" He asked the superhero harshly, trying to act all tough like the other supervillains.

"I gotta blow my nose," Ray told him, feeling all bunged up and in need of a good blow.

"Well, I don't care," Max replied, going to walk away from the man and his gross request.

"You're Max Thunderman, aren't you?" Ray asked him before he go leave, which caught the kid's attention. 

"Brother of Phoebe? Son of Thunder Man?" He listed all the things that Max was and couldn't get away from.

"What if I am?" He asked, seeing nothing of it. He didn't want to be like his family, he wanted to be his own person and follow his own path.

"Then how come you're hanging around with those evil maniacs?" Captain Man asked, not understanding why the son of one of the greatest supers of all time would stoop so low.

"'Cause, I want that." He smirked pointing to the heliometer, but all Ray could see was The Toddler bending over and scratching his butt.

"Toddler's diaper?" He asked in disgust. Why would anyone want that?

"Ugh, gross, no! The heliometer!" Max corrected, making Ray roll his eyes.

"Why?" The superhero questioned, thinking that he was putting himself in a lot of danger just how some dumb invention.

"'Cause it's cool and I want it!" The teen snapped, not seeing why he had to answer all these questions.

"Well, the least you could do is help me blow my nose!" Ray whined, really feeling the need to blow it now. He felt so snuffly.

"That makes no sense!" Max argued, which didn't go down very well with the needy man.

"Help me blow my nose, for the love of God!" He snapped and Max finally relented, taking a tissue from his pocket and holding it over Ray's nose. He blew strongly into it, making the teen grimace as he felt the mucus come out. Ew.

~

"Wait, I see the Swellview Train! Over there!" (y/n) squealed as she saw the train below them, and she laughed with joy as she and Phoebe spotted the person they'd been looking for.

"I see him! I see Captain Man!" Phoebe reported happily as she, (y/n) and Charlotte leaned out of the left windows.

"Where is he?" Schwoz asked. Being at the controls and on the right side of the helicopter meant he was unable to see anything, but that didn't mean he wasn't excited like they were.

"He's on top of the train!" Charlotte exclaimed and the girl's focused their binoculars to zoom in on the criminal's who had captured him.

"What's he doing?" Henry quizzed, also unable to see since he was firmly strapped into his seat.

"Uh, I think my brother, Max, is helping him blow his nose," Phoebe reported feeling pretty grossed out at what she was seeing.

"Aw, that's so sweet." Schwoz cooed, thinking the complete opposite of what everyone else was thinking. He saw it as such a nice gesture and didn't think about the germs or mucus that was involved.

"I see The Toddler, Minyak and Van Del! He needs help!" (y/n) shouted as she recognised the faces of the three men also with Ray. 

"I'm going down there! Charlotte hand me that clip!" Henry announced and started to undo his harness as he grabbed a long rope. It was a long way down, but Ray couldn't do this alone, so he was doing this.

"I'm going down with you!" Phoebe said too, taking off her headset and undoing her belt. She started this and she was going to finish it. Oh, and she was going to kick Max's ass for snitching on her.

"Okay! Just, uh, grab onto to me and hold on, like, really, really, really tight!" The boy smiled at the idea of being so close to the young heroine, which made (y/n) roll her eyes. 

"Don't get any ideas, kid, I'm coming too!" She smirked back at him and leant into the cockpit to grab another rope. So what if she was a cockblocker? She had promised herself that she was going to save Ray and he had promised to come back to her. This was her way of ensuring that.

"Okay!" Phoebe said happily, even though Henry groaned internally. At least he'd be able to hold onto her since (y/n) was going to abseil down solo.

"Wait, we have another rope that Phoebe could use!" Charlotte giggled and held up a third rope. Looks like Henry would be going solo too. 

"Thanks!" She said happily and (y/n) chuckled at the look on the kid's face as they strapped them to to their uniforms.

"Yes, thank you, Charlotte." He added stiffly before joining the girls standing on the landing gear. The wind whipped at their faces as they clung to the doors for balance and threw down their ropes.

"We are right over the train! Jump!" Schwoz told them and they did as he said, screaming as the dropped to the train's roof.

"Sweet cheeeeeeeese!" (y/n) screamed as she felt weightless, but before long, the three landed in a heap on the roof, much to the surprise of the criminals, Max and Ray.

"Yeah! Look who's on a train now!" Henry smirked at them and they shrugged off the ropes and stood confidently. It wasn't the most graceful of landings, but damn, abseiling from a helicopter onto a moving train? That was pretty damn cool!

"Us!" Phoebe answered, putting her hands on her hips as Minyak and Van Del put up their fists. Oh, so that's how they wanted to play?

"Ohhh, Jimminy Joo! It's the stupid kid and lady again!" The Toddler growled at them and stamped his feet.

"That's right!" Henry smiled, but then he realised what he said.

"Dude?" (y/n) tapped his chest with her hand as they puffed out their chests in confidence. 

"I mean, we're not stupid, but we are here!" He corrected, not losing his cool despite the insult.

"Kid Danger! Miss Danger!" Ray was so happy to see that they had escaped the underwater base,  and now, he was glad he had them here to help him, even if it was dangerous.

"Phoebe?" Max asked, looking at his sister in confusion. Did she really have to turn up to every evil thing he did?

"You back off, Max!" She hissed at him, not wanting to fight her own brother, even if he was a backstabbing dick sometimes.

"Do your blowy freezey thing and freeze their asses!" (y/n) instructed the young girl, believing that this would be so much easier if they could just freeze all the criminals. 

"I'd love to!" She replied. However, to their dismay, when Phoebe tried to blow her ice breath at The Toddler, it just stopped halfway and created an ice block midair, which then nearly took their heads off as it hurtled towards them.

"What happened? Why didn't it work?" Henry asked in a panicked voice. They were sort of counting on that to work. Now, they were in deep bother.

"Uh, the train is moving so fast, I guess the wind is just too strong!" Phoebe replied as The Toddler stepped towards them with a metal pipe in his hand.

"Kid, look out!" Ray shouted as the villain went straight for Henry, making (y/n) push him out the way so she'd take the hit instead. She squeaked as the metal landed with extreme force, cracking the bones in her upper arm.

"Ow! Motherfucker!" She exclaimed, briefly rubbing her sore arm before it snapped back into place. Not one to get beaten down by one, tiny man, her quick recovery took Toddler by surprise and she kneed him in the stomach, before kicking him backwards so he fell down.

"The heliometer!" Doctor Minyak gasped as they grimaced at their boss having his ass handed to him. Ray was loving seeing his girl in action, especially against the man that had been eyeing her up earlier, but Max had his eyes on something else. He leapt forward to grab it, but he was too late and the weapon fell off the side of the train, hooking itself onto a lever that separated the carriages.

"No!" The Toddler screamed as Minyak and Van Del rushed to grab Henry and (y/n), whilst Max tried his hardest to grab the invention. The boy blocked one of Van Del's punches and flipped him over his back, making the man land harshly with a groan. Minyak swung at (y/n), but she was too quick for him and ducked below his arm. Seeing an opening, she gave him a swift kick to the groin, causing him to squeak in pain. God, she was so hot when she fought bad guys.

"SECURITY!" The Toddler screeched and used a slide whistle to call for a bunch of his henchmen to come and grab the supers. They quickly swarmed Henry, Phoebe and (y/n) and they found themselves trapped on all sides as each goon grabbed a hero. With their arms immobilised, the woman and teens struggled to get free and it was a worrying scene to watch from the Mancopter.

"Uh-oh! More bad guys just showed up!" Charlotte reported to Schwoz as she squinted through her binoculars.

"Are you sure they're bad guys?" He asked, not wanting to assume that some unexpected arrivals weren't actually help in disguise.

"Well, two of them are trying to break Phoebe's leg, one of them is trying to eat Henry's arm and one is strangling (y/n), so they don't seem super nice!" She said, feeling miffed that he hadn't taken her word for it. She knew henchmen when she saw them.

"Ow!" Phoebe groaned as the thug bent her leg upwards and to the side like they were trying to snap it off.

"You're so weird!"  Henry yelled at the man biting his arm, who didn't care. Honestly, this was the first time a criminal had tried to eat him and it freaked him out.

"Dude, you're doing nothing to me!" (y/n) smirked as the large man with his hands around her throat tried to crush her larynx, but every time he pressed harder, her body healed quicker. It hurt immensely and she had tears in the corners of her eyes from the burning of her lungs, but she had faith in her ability to survive even the harshest attack.

"No, leave her alone! And stop biting!" Ray screamed at the men trying to kill his sidekicks, feeling so powerless since he could do nothing to help them. His heart was aching to see his girl being treated with so much malice, but she was holding up despite the fact she hadn't taken a breath for over a minute.

Wanting to try and do something, he grabbed Minyak's jacket and gripped it tightly in his fist. It was much but it sure pissed the doctor off. 

"Stop that!" He growled, slapping his hand away as Phoebe whimpered at the way her poor leg was being stretched. 

"My leg doesn't bend that way!" She growled. She was quite flexible, but even the world's best gymnast couldn't twist their leg front to back. They needed help and they needed it fast.

"Here, open this case," Schwoz said to Charlotte as they hovered over the fight.

"Man-grenades?" Charlotte asked in bewilderment as she opened the case to see a row of miniature bombs. Oh, this was more like it, a bit of firepower!

"By Schwoz! Enter one, two, three, nine!" He instructed the girl and she punched in the code, which released a beeping man-grenade.

Back on the train, Max was still trying to grab the heliometer and Henry, (y/n) and Phoebe were still trying to fight off their captors. 

"Hey! How am I supposed to use the bathroom?!" Ray asked in alarm as Henry punched one goon in the face, making him release one of his arms. Phoebe wasn't doing so well, she had taken a punch to the gut and was being held by a tight grip.

"Hurry up! I gotta pee!" The superhero whined as a guy headbutted Henry for punching his friend. (y/n) also freaking out a bit, the thug strangling her was leaning in close to her face as her lips turned blue and his pleased sneer made her grit her teeth. Pig; he liked the way she was in pain and even though she wouldn't die, she felt like her head was pounding from the lack of oxygen and her vision was getting blurry.

Henry was punched to the floor and so was Phoebe, the town of them being corned on all sides. (y/n) was dropped between them at The Toddler's request, who smirked when he saw her limp body lying on the floor. A sharp gasp tore from her throat as she wheezed her air and thankfully, the blue in her face began to recede as oxygen flowed through her veins once more.

"Kid Danger! Miss Danger!" Ray cried in alarm as he saw how beat up they were and his eye widened at how sluggish they both seemed. Where were those grenades?

"Put that in here, pull back on this and aim it at Ray!" Schwoz directed Charlotte, handing her a large gun that would fire the man-grenades at the group on the train.

"Are you insane?" The girl blanched at his instructions. She didn't want to blast Ray off the train, even if was indestructible. (y/n) would kill her!

"Yeah! Do it!" Schwoz confirmed, so the girl shoved in the grenade,  pulled the thing back, aimed and...

"CHARLOTTE!" Schwoz screamed suddenly and loudly, spooking the girl out of her wits.

"What?!" She asked in alarm, wanting to remind her that she was handling explosives.

"Don't miss!" He told her solemnly and she got the message. Okay, don't miss, don't blow something up accidentally, just aim at Ray and destroy the cement.

Ray looked up in horror as he saw a red, flashing thing fall through the sky towards him and he wondered what the hell it was.

"Man-grenade!" (y/n) also noticed it at the last minute and braced herself against the roof of the train as the grenade hit its target dead-centre and blew up the concrete block in a ball of fire. The shockwave sent everyone flying backwards, including Max, who lost the heliometer and got his foot trapped between two pillars.

"Dang, dude!" Charlotte complimented Schwoz as they watched the explosion and the two felt badass at the havoc they had wreaked.

"Hey, what exploded?" Max asked as he helplessly laid on his back and the criminals, Henry (y/n) and Phoebe got to their feet. They looked around to see clumps of rubble lying everywhere and to their shock and horror, Captain Man was gone.

"Captain Man!" Henry cried out when he noticed that he was gone and he let (y/n) grab his hand for support as she felt all the air in her body drain away.

"Oh god..." She sniffed, praying to god that the worst hadn't happened. She'd come here to save him and now this...she was on an emotional rollercoaster.

"What happened?" Doctor Minyak asked as his ears rang from the explosion.

"Where'd he go?" Phoebe cried as she put a hand on (y/n)'s arm to comfort her. They were her new OTP, Captain Man couldn't be gone, he just couldn't.

"Looks like Captain Man exploded!" The Toddler smirked at their pain, but it was a mistake to taunt a broken woman.

"Ding dong the Captain's dead!" Van Del said happily as Minyak cheered about how Swellview now belonged to the criminals, who were all exchanging high-fives.

"You evil little shits, he's--" (y/n) squared up to Toddler, but her words trailed off as her heart was suddenly saved. 

"Captain Man!" Henry grinned in relief as he watched his boss slowly climb back onto the roof and (y/n) had never felt more happy. He was alive, holy shit, he was alive!

"Ooo, I'm sorry, kid. He's dead! Which, makes it very difficult for him to help you and your lady friend now. Or maybe, you're both too stupid to realise that it's a new day in Swellview! Because nobody has to worry about Captain Man--" The Toddler's insulting monologue was cut off as Ray tapped him on the shoulder. Minyak and Van Del were quaking in fear at the sight of the very much alive superhero, but their leader didn't seem to notice.

Whipping around, all the colour in The Toddler's cheeks drained as he looked up to see the imposing crimefighter that was about to kick his ass. Henry, Phoebe and (y/n) giggled to each other at how quiet the man-child had grown and hearing his girl's sweet laugh was everything Ray had been surviving for. 

"Toddler..." He growled and roughly yanked the man up to his face by his suspenders and stripey t-shirt.

"It's time for a nap!" Ray quipped, ignoring the protests of the small guy as he stepped back.

"No, no, no, wait! I already took my nap! Ahhhh!" His whining was in vain, he'd insulted and hurt Ray's friends one too many times and so, the superhero threw him off the side of the train.

"Wow, this is uncomfortable!" Max complained as his head hung over the curve of the roof and dipped between the carriages. His spine was killing him, but he'd been extremely mean to his sister and her new friends, so he kind of deserved it.

"I'm so glad you're okay, doofus." (y/n) breathed out to Ray as she cupped his face and gave him a dazzling smile. She stepped away quickly, remembering that they were surrounded by bad guys, but her gaze still held all of her affection for him and it melted his heart.

"I promised I'd come back, didn't I?" He gave her a playful smirk as he and Henry clapped their hands together in greeting. He kept his promise and was more than happy to be back where he belonged; with her.

"No need to panic, there's six of us against four of them!" Minyak chuckled evilly, thinking that the superheroes were still gonna lose. However, they had Phoebe Thunderman on their side and she easily used her telekinesis powers to lift a dude into the air and off the side of the train. Well, that would do the job nicely.

"Okay, now there's five to four." Minyak squeaked and Ray gave his sidekicks and Phoebe a nod as they prepared to fight. Good vs Evil. Everyone let out a battle cry as they each target an opponent and lunged for them. Ray tackled two guys at once, sent them flying to the floor with his muscly body, and it felt good to let off some steam finally. Phoebe and (y/n) worked together to take down Vand Del and a henchwoman by using each other as leverage to kick and punch them to the ground as Ray continued to beat up his two.

As Max tried to free his leg, Henry dealt with Van Del and Doctor Minyak, both of whom weren't very good fighters. Minyak knocked into his fellow criminal and the ex-Wall Dog leader tumbled over the edge, leaving the heroes on a level playing field. Now, it was gonna get interesting.

(y/n) ran over to help Ray deal with the two guys attacking him as Phoebe punched the woman and kicked her off the train too. Henry doing all right too, with a quick blow to the nose, Van Del stumbled backwards. and lost his footing, meaning the man was no longer their problem. 

"This is for strangling me, asshole!" (y/n) growled and punched the last goon off the train before Ray could do anything to help, thoroughly impressing him as she brushed her hair away from her face. He had to fan himself to cool his flushed cheeks, which certainly weren't red from the fight alone.

They had won! Phoebe and Henry clasped their hands together in happiness and Ray hugged his girl tightly, enjoying the way she rubbed her nose into his neck. It tickled, but also sent his pulse racing, something he had grown addicted to over the years. God, she had looked so good during the fight and now, he had fallen even harder; he was unbelievably, unapologetically whipped for her.

"Nice going, Kid Danger, Miss Thunderman." Ray bumped fists with Henry congratulated the two teens as he and his girl walked over, hand in hand. 

"Well done, guys, you were great." (y/n) added, smiling warmly at the kids who hid their smirks under bashful smiles. Ray was an idiot to think that friends held hands all the time, kissed each other's cheeks and gave long, intimate hugs and the teens knew that they were too blind to see that. However, they weren't too sharp-eyed themselves; no one had noticed that Max had managed to twist his leg free and was nervously creeping towards them.

"Yeahhhhh, we did it! How about that? Way to go, us! Wooo!" The young Thunder twin cheered and clapped, but the actual heroes of the hour weren't smiling with him. In fact, they were pretty pissed off.

"Y'know, Max, we never would've had a problem if you hadn't blown our cover," Henry told him, making the older boy drop his smiley behaviour.

"That's right, Max!" Phoebe confirmed, smiling sweetly at her brother, who suddenly felt very nervous.

"Well, I said I was sorry." He tried, but Captain Man and Miss Danger saw straight through it. 

"Ummm, no you didn't." Ray said, searching his memory quickly and finding nothing about "Max Thunderman" and "apologising" in there.

"Didn't I?" He gulped as the supers glared at him and under Captain Man's mean stare, he felt very, very small.

"No, you didn't. My lips turned blue because of you!" (y/n) seethed, still recalling the pain in her head and chest as that henchman strangled her and the reminder made Ray scowl. Sure, she didn't die, but he wasn't going to let this kid off without some kind of punishment.

"But hey, (y/n)'s okay, no worries. Kid Danger and I forgive you." Ray clapped Max on the back, making the girls look at him in shock. Surely, he wasn't going to let his girl's suffering go so easily, but they had no reason to worry, Ray was very angry and he and Henry had a trick up their sleeve.

"You guys forgive him?" Phoebe spluttered, not realising that they had said trick. 

"Yeah."

"Sure." The superhero duo said with tight smiles, trying to act all happy-happy. However, deep down, they were furious with the amount of trouble they had gone through because of the teen.

"You see? They're cool." Max smirked at his sister as she gawped at her friends in shock.

"Since when are you so nice?" (y/n) asked Ray, hitting his chest with a pouty face. She was a bit disappointed that he wouldn't do anything to get revenge. He just squeezed her hand and moved around Max, putting his arm around the boy so he wouldn't suspect his sneaky plan.

"Hey, we're giving Phoebe a ride home in the Mancopter." He told the boy in a pleasant voice, putting him at ease. 

"You wanna ride too?" Henry asked, setting up the plan perfectly.

"Seriously? Even after all that I did, you still want to give me a ride home?" Max asked, surprised that they wanted to give him such kindness. If only he knew what he was in line for.

"Of course!"

"Oh yeah! Yeah!" They confirmed, making the boy smile at them in return as Phoebe and (y/n) huffed.

"I am not sitting next to him on the way back." The woman hissed at her best friend, but he merely chuckled. She didn't have to worry about that, no one did.

~

"PHOEBE!" Max screamed in fear as he dangled on a top from the Mancopter. He was swinging and twirling in the air and he was terrified, which fully entertained the team sitting comfortably above him.

"Hey, Max! How you doing?" Phoebe yelled down to him in amusement as they watched his petrified face look at the ground in terror. It was a long way down and he was only secured by a rope, meaning he was shitting himself. 

"My hair looks terrible in this wind!" Max complained, even though it was the least of his worries. Still, it was good enough for the superheroes, who laughed at his scared voice. He wasn't snitching on them now!

"You're so mean...I love it!" (y/n) giggled into Ray's ear as she sat on his lap. It was a tight squeeze into the Mancopter for six people and it had left her tightly strapped to his chest so she wouldn't fall out of the door. It wasn't all bad, he got to have her all to himself and his strong arms were around her waist to keep her safe, despite Schwoz triple checking that her harness wouldn't fail. She didn't complain, she loved how he kept whispering jokes and silly comments into her ear and sweeping her hair away from one shoulder so he could get close to her skin. It was hard to control themselves.

"That's my girl." He whispered into her jaw, making her tense at his words and how his breath travelled along her skin. 

His girl? Yes, please, she wanted to be his girl every day of the week, especially if it meant having his lips so close to that sensitive spot on her neck that made her melt in pleasure.

"BIRD!" Henry screamed, shattering the sensual atmosphere between the two as a bird crashed into the windshield of the helicopter, causing it to crack. They all panted and tensed in horror as the small incident took them by surprise and Max screamed at his sister to find out what was happening.

"You all right?" Ray asked (y/n) as she held a hand to her heart and panted to settle her breathing. His question caught the attention of everyone else, particularly Phoebe, but they said nothing, just listened for what she was going to say.

"Yeah, never better." She answered truthfully, settling back into his chest as she looked out of the open window and missed the adoring look he gave her. Ray pressed a kiss to her head as he looked at the view with her and they were both ignorant to how their friends were chuckling and smirking at each other. 

Not his girlfriend? Yeah, right.

[spiralstereo]

ー I'll miss you! Or not.

⚠️ tw! verbal abuse, mentions of emotional & physical abuse, child abuse, blood, gore, violence, cursing, etc.

Firework was always considered an odd woman. Never particularly all that feminine, never interested in men & such, she was... a black sheep, to say the least.

She felt alone for most of her life, despite being surrounded by citizens & servants, & an empty, unloving family. Even that was rather small. Just her, her brother, a couple half-siblings, & her parents. Nobody really cared for each other.

She was also born rather late, all her siblings were adults. Her parents made up their minds to spawn another.. a little too late. But no matter! Here she was.

Her eldest & only blood, fully related sibling seemed to despise her though. Revolver was his name, a grand, elegant gazelle who just so happened to be heir to the throne. He had definitely let that get to his head, & that only seemed to fuel his overinflated ego.

This! That! He was barking orders everywhere, all the time. How he treated his poor son too... she could only feel terrible for the poor boy. He just wanted to make that monster of a man proud, she was ashamed to call him her brother.

This went on for years, decades. She watched him divorce wife after wife, spawn more kids only for them to hate his son, his heir. & all she could do was stand & watch. She hated it.

Well that was, until today.

It was her nephew's birthday, he was a man now. Unfortunately though, a year or so ago a traumatic accident had happened, leaving half of his face absolutely broken. He was fine, but scarred, emotionally & physically.

He seemed to be having a good time, but that was probably because he was away from his sorry excuse of a father. Either way, she was happy. He was having a good time.

His father in question though...

The man was drunk, without a care in the world he was sitting in his little private area, laughing away with his so called 'friends'. So unsuspecting. This was almost too easy. He wife, which once was this- the seventh? She was there aswell, sitting beside him like an obedient dog. They both looked so pathetic.

She decided to wait in the doorway for... an opportunity. That opportunity took hours for it to come, but eventually, it came.

They left. It was just him. Him & her, alone.

A smile crept onto her face, & she watched as he just sat there, watching the night sky & how it filled up with bursts of color, fireworks. She slowly drew out her 'umbrella', approaching her beloved brother.

"Lovely, aren't they?"

A scowl grew on his face. Although she couldn't see his face, she knew it was there.

"The hell do ya want with me?"

She chuckled, halting right before she got to him, looming over him.

"Nothin, nothin. Just wanted ta say some things before ya had ta go."

"Quit bein ominous. Yer not funny."

"Am I? I didn't think I was bein ominous at all! Yer loosin it."

He swung around, a glare, a deep scowl on his aged & defined face. He saw her expression, & he saw how she was leaning up against his seat. He also saw her 'umbrella' out.

"What the fuck are ya doin? Don' play dumb." His voice was noticeably more hostile. He got up to his feet, causing Firework to scramble up aswell. She just laughed.

"Sayin things before ya go! Exactly what I said. I ain't playin dumb, yer the one who ain't pickin up what I'm puttin down. Maybe that's why everybody's better off with ya fuckin gone, eh?"

The two began circling each other, the already growing sense of hostility & hatred between them growing more intense & noticeable by the moment.

"The hell's up yer ass? Knock it the fuck out before I knock it out of ya myself."

"Put yer fuckin hands on me & I'll make sure they keep findin pieces of ya."

Thats when Revolver let out an angered scream, charging at her. He knocked her back, but not off of her feet. She pushed & shoved back, yanking his horns & throwing him back, right on the stone railing of the balcony, the cold breeze sweeping beneath their feet.

She lunged at him, trying to wedge the end of her 'umbrella' into his chest, as he flailed & screamed bloody murder. So much for a king. They continued to thrash around, kicking & knocking each other, pulling on each other's horns & clothes- trying to do anything to get on top.

Firework eventually knocked him to the ground, his head hitting the stone first. Instead of trying to stomp on his head or leaving him there, she grabbed him by the collar, yanking him up & pinning him up against the ledge of the balcony, pointing the end of her 'umbrella' at the back of his head.

"Enjoy hell."

As she 'opened' her 'umbrella', a firework shot down the barrel in her 'umbrella', blowing his head clean off. Blood splattered everywhere, the balcony, the walls, & all over her.

She wasn't bothered though. She just tossed what was left of him off the edge, dusting off her bloodied shoulders.

She had finally gotten rid of him.

[whinlatter]

sorry i’m the anon from the other day who came to gush all over beasts and i’m back to do more bc i forgot to gush all over the way you write women and about their friendships!!! especially from a series that is narrated by a boy and also just generally dismisses girls as giggly and frivolous far too often, the way you have redefined not only their internal strength but the strength of female friendship! hermione and ginny, the unit they have going on w hannah and luna (the spice girls!!!), the inclusion of hannah abbott who shines for me in your series, pavarti’s speech for lavender at the greyback trial, probs so much more i can’t even think of right now. sorry i know i’m rambling so bad but it’s so flawlessly executed in beasts sometimes it makes me want to cry and i thought you should know!

mate thank you for this fr, that means the world. i am not the first person to point out that female characters, and particularly female friendships, are criminally undeserved in canon, nor the first to try and correct some of that in a fic, but it’s an honour to contribute to the cause and something i care about trying to get right. in chapters 10 and 11 one of the very dumb reasons i wanted scenes with girls getting changed (so the girls before the party, and ginny and cho before their surprise heart for heart) was because i wanted moments of intimacy and vulnerability between female characters, but also because i wanted the reader at this point in the fic to see that the girls are literally changing, trying on new versions of themselves, figuring out who they’re going to be in the next years of their life.

on the female friendships thing — it’s funny because i have found writing beasts that the moments between the girls have been the scenes that have basically written themselves or that have sprung up really organically and easier than when writing other dynamics. because it’s like, oh yeah girls hanging out and having a laugh! and looking after each other! and also bickering and properly arguing and growing up together! i benefit from that every day of my life and have done as long as i can remember and cannot imagine having grown up without it. and i really can’t imagine how i would even begin write a story about young woman coming of age without that being a part of her life (and if you were to write a story about a young woman whose life lacked it, surely the absence of it or the search for it would have to be a plot point). you’re completely right that ofc the series is narrated by a teenage boy, but it seems mad to me for a series that has such a large ensemble cast with meaningful arcs that there are no female friendships meaningfully and substantially depicted on the page (including ones dealing with conflict, or falling apart - it doesn’t always need to be positive, just an arc). jkr’s feminism, which is as bizarre as it is hateful, is so enraging for this (and many other) reasons: she pats herself on the back for her view that women (and exclusively cis women) are better than men, so they don’t need to grow, and for some reason don’t need arcs beyond their relationships to men (ginny changing over her adolescence is a literal major plot necessity and yet entire thing happens off stage?)

got the soapbox out SORRY but basically thank you forever i really REALLY appreciate this. thank god hannah abbott is enough of a blank slate to throw in a 10/10 cutie into scenes to make everyone be a bit nicer to each other!

[ravenbloodshot]

Beomgyu- TxT....Insecurities vs. Confidences

Insecurities

He may be the type to argue with his friends or his members and get angry with them, then feel very insecure about how warranted his anger really was. Even when he is rightfully angry with someone and fights with them, later when the heat dies down he's left with his thoughts and their not that kind to him. He can think things like "why couldn't you just keep it together, huh? You always do this dumb shit". And like I said, he could have a pretty good reason to be angry in the first place but he still ends up feeling guilty

His anger scares him. I feel like Beomgyu may genuinely pity ppl that is at the receiving end of his temper (and not in a egotistical way of "you dont want to fuck with me" way but in a serious/deep pity for those who face him in that state of rage). I don't think he would even want to fight with him.

He's insecure about his musical talents and just his taste in music in general. He may question how much worth he personally brings to the group, this insecurity becomes heightened during times he has fewer lines in TxT songs. He may not think he gives much to the fans for them to like him so he may even question why he has solo stans.

Beomgyu has two sides to him, light and dark. He's VERY afraid of his dark side. He has a bit of a undercover sadistic side (not anything too extreme), where he may enjoy seeing others in pain or in a pitiful state where they resort to begging him for something. Later, he wants to be the one who saves the person and puts them out if their misery but the initial state of them being in a vulnerable state brings him a kind of pleasure he doesn't like to acknowledge or face head on. He would even lower his standards for the type of person he would befriend or date just based off of this undercover enjoyment.

He's insecure about speaking English. He may be uncomfortable interacting with foreigners as well

Remember when I mention his little sadist desires. I'm seeing that he fears his sexual preferences and desires just in general, his lust scares him.

Confidences

He's confident in his looks, he enjoys being seen as a 'pretty boy'. He thinks the androgynous aesthetic suits him and he likes when the fans compliment him on his looks. He may like his youth as well, sees it as something to be confident about.

He may particularly like his eyes + eyelashes. Reminds me of when Jessi complimented him on his long, pretty eyelashes and he was blushing, acting all flattered

He's confident when he acts nurturing towards others. He's very motherly and fatherly so I definitely think he could love to care for children and animals. (He could really have a deep desire to become a father).

He enjoys his role in the group as the witty and funny guy that could laugh at himself and his members but still take care of everyone. Like, if you fell, he would be the type to help you up and make sure your okay then proceed to clown you for the rest of your life

He's secure enough within himself to be affectionate with other men.

He can become more confident and just plain happy/cheerful when he's in nature (outside). He could feel anxious at times so I think a cool breeze could help clear his mind and make him feel better.

In relationships (unlike Hyunjin and Yeosang) he's confident in his ability to flirt, seduce and entice his love interest. He could really come alive when stalking put a potential lover and give chase if they play hard to get. (He's confident in his romantic chasing abilities and he likely enjoys doing it as well)

He's sure about not letting past relationships interfere with future ones. He knows that just because it didn't work out in the past doesn't mean that'll be a constant in the future

[batsplat]

in your rgu x motogp post, you mentioned the cringe celebrations which has become part of the sport. forget the audience reactions for a second, just look at those famous journalists:

Toby Moody: Other people have tried to do similar celebrations - look at Jorge Lorenzo in his early years and Marc Marquez when he wins a championship - but it's never the same and really, they shouldn't bother, no one cares now. Rossi's had more than the cake there - there's none left for anyone else. He was so original. (https://www.the-race.com/motogp/toby-moody-how-a-rossi-row-made-qatars-first-gp-legendary/ )

Simon Patterson: Maybe a controversial opinion: MotoGP's over-engineered title celebrations are tacky and awful. They choreograph all the fun and spontaneity out of the moment. X users @ KeefyH19 : All Rossi wannabes Simon Patterson: None of his were this over-engineered (https://x.com/denkmit/status/1723585339271594059?s=46 ）

like, what’s up with these middle-aged men? this was your favorite celebration tradition once right? or does this emotion only apply to a certain someone? the answer is yes.

and i noticed marc stirring up fans during the parade this year, like doing the kneeling gesture… valentino never needed to do stuff like that. for him it’s just a smile and a wave, that’s all it took. when i was watching the 04-07 races, i realized how naturally he matched with the camera. even before the race started, a few shots of him on the grid, a smile, a kiss, and he already had everyone hooked. that’s something no one else could ever pull off. he’s such a witch.

he IS such a witch. and podcast hosts did get a shout out!

but yeah agreed, it really irritates me. 'over-engineered' is obviously the silliest one because, I mean??

is this really more emotional than doing a dumb basketball celebration or cgi devils or whatever

the problem these journalists face is that they're inherently predisposed to see this shit as cringe, but the rossi factor being what it is they did find themselves enjoying those... so the argument has to be that nobody else can pull it off. which, yes, is that special valentino magic doing its thing again. but idk, this is a case where I'm strongly in the camp of imitation being the sincerest form of flattery. there's just a kind of goofy camp to them... I think some of them work better than others, but what matters to me is that it feels like sincere self-expression. also, perhaps most importantly of all... who cares!! if athletes want to do something kinda cringe-y to celebrate their success, then whatever!! they have something to remember the occasion by and so do the rest of us. and if it's not for you then, again, who cares. it's title-winning celebrations - it is the definition of not that serious

obviously jorge (lorenzo) is particularly interesting with this stuff because he had his whole arc of coming up with celebrations as a kid and believing he low-key preempted valentino in that but also looking up to valentino and drawing inspiration from him and then finding valentino's celebrations so so funny and so so cool even when they were competing. and... my personal take is that he has come the closest of anyone of matching the spirit of valentino's celebrations, because he did actually put a lot of thought into like. the meaning of what he was doing. he was really engaging with the process, thinking of the symbolism and all that stuff!! I'm fond enough of them that I compiled his 2006-07 resume here... but perhaps the funniest detail of this whole saga is that EVEN JORGE HIMSELF is engaging in this no true scotsman stuff by dragging melandri's celebrations

so there you have it. even the guys literally being accused of not managing to live up to rossi's celebrations are insulting other guys for not managing to live up to rossi's celebrations. big part of the valentino magic is in the utter lack of solidarity anyone who has suffered as a result of him displays when it comes to fellow sufferers. it's only right that this even extends to those imitating his celebrations

[mizzmellos]

What's your Rod Ross headcanons?

YAAAAAAAAY ANON I really wanted to repost this from my old blog so thank you for literally reading my mind and giving me the chance xoxo gift wrapped for you with a bow on top MWAH

+ I mean… we all know Mello joined Rod’s gang by bringing him the head of a rival boss. But I’m pretty sure he did it… literally. How else would a gang full of 6′4″ dudes with Uzis ever take him seriously?? I love imagining him arranging an ingenious meeting with Rod one day, like, Mello somehow tricking him into talking with him, and telling him like… “so I heard you were trying to take this dude out, I can do it for you, ya know. lmao not bragging.” and Rod takes one look at him and just starts laughing his ass off. “Kid (which is what he calls Mello, btw)… I’ve lost six men to trying already, and their balls had already dropped.” Then Jose throws his ass into the street. A week later, Mello shows up at the front door of their HQ (how did he find us??? Kal gasps audibly, knowing Rod is going to kick his ass for this because everything is Kal’s fault) with a bloody pillowcase (because gift wrapping is NOT appreciated by any of those no-taste mafiosos…) and says “happy birthday, I work for you now. You’re welcome.”

+So you know that panel where Mello is sitting on the couch back perched behind Rod’s shoulder? Not a headcanon, just wanted you to think about it. :’) Here's another one btw:

+Their relationship actually has a somewhat solid basis of trust and respect. Even though Rod is an absolute maniac sometimes and would gouge your eyes out without a second thought, he’s incredibly intelligent--

PSA: READ HIS PROFILE IN VOLUME 13 YOU GOONS…. HE’S NOT JUST A BRUTE LMAO I HATE IT WHEN PPL WRITE HIM DUMB HE. IS. NOT. DUMB. he is smarter than most of the Japanese task force and of equal intelligence to lots of the ppl working with L such as Wedy, Matt… he survived a great many years of Kira eliminating criminals so he was smart and good at keeping a low profile until Mello came and fucked everything up.

--and Mello respects him for that. Even though Mello is a prissy little bitch that really only cares about what he cares about, Rod's like... well, he’s kind of a genius and his ideas have worked out in the past. And he’s pretty scary. They both like that about each other. Just generally being able to intimidate the shit out of ANYBODY that would dare look their way.

+Rod is probably pretty outwardly homophobic, and ribs Mello for being effeminate. While he doesn't ever let it go too far, he'll chime in around other members of the mafia. Both of them are secretly a little terrified of anybody finding out that they fuck around once and a while. But that's part of the thrill yk? Whenever anybody’s around, Rod always has a hooker on his leg and tries not to pay Mello any mind. But once they’re alone, Mello thinks it’s funny to bring it up.

+Speaking of letting it go too far, Rod allows any amount of verbal abuse, but has broken up more than a couple fistfights Mello’s gotten himself into with other members of the gang by “running that goddamn big mouth of his all the fuckin’ time.”

+While Rod normally backs Mello 110%, as his infallible plans have done nothing but provide a multitude of viable cash flows and absolute territorial dominance, when they have their disagreements (which get.. heated, to say the least), Mello will totally get physical. Rod finds this hilarious, considering he could literally break his neck with one hand. Anyway Rod only fought back once, when he was in a particularly bad mood, and Mello had to show up the next day skulking around with a black eye and fat lip, his lisp way worse than usual. It was the only time after Mello showed up until the day of his death that Kal actually experienced any degree of human happiness. Btw poor Kal. Read the dude's profile in HTR13 if you want a laugh. #AnneofGreenGables

+Mello was actually really surprised by how soft Rod’s scalp is. He totally oils it and his head always smells like aftershave and stale cigar smoke.

+In fact, in addition to both being super scary, they’re both super vain LOL I bet they both get their backs waxed after a long day clothes-shopping… and they both spend forever putting lotion on after their three-hour bubble baths… they spend all morning in front of the mirror while Rod shaves that WHACK design onto his face and Mello does his makeup… neither of them even looks at the other when they’re having sex because they’re too busy American Psycho-ing themselves in the mirrors they have surrounding their bed.

+They both LOVE zebra-print. Tacky fucks.

[scenetocause]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers 💫

i got tagged by @verycoolwearsleather and now i have to pretend i have a writing process haha

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

it says 52 but there's actually a lot more due to orphaning/anon-ing things.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

345,519 but again i'm not sure how much tha's counting

3. What fandoms do you write for?

gross f1 twinks

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

just telling it like it is (lando/maxv)

pretty sure this is just cus it's the oldest fic i have since the account reboot because it absolutely does not merit being anywhere near the top 10 lol it's just a 5+1 about other mando being obvious (it's anon'd cus i got bored of a load of my fics and didn't want them as part of the emptyhalf canon anymore)

every colour illuminates (george/lando)

for something i started writing offhand cus some of my friends were saying there should be more trans men in f1 fic, this one sure grew legs. i'm still insanely moved by the comments it gets and the way it seemed to resonate with people. i'm not sure i can really convey how dumb i actually am in a way that'd make people believe me but i really did just write this on vibes and it's one of the things i can say i'm genuinely glad i did. idk, it's just queer porn really but maybe we need more of that.

(i) just wanna get a little bit closer (mando)

you know i don't even think this is close to my best mando fic (personal choice is no plans of staying on) so there's no accounting for taste and you absolutely should practice death of the author or whatever. anyway, it's mando cohabitation era boundary breakdown stuff where they fuck and then go on a date about it.

shoreline i see when i'm off course (loscar, mando)

people rly are thirsty for a/b/o huh. how'd this little fic get into the top five so quickly?

the usual, upside down (alex/george/lando)

literally THEE most head empty omegaverse threesome fic in history y'all are horny as fuck. it literally only got written bc george did some dumb insta post where he called lando and alex his mates and also then was walking around looking horny af in the black fireproofs and mask when he stood in for lewis. there is NO nutritional content here even by the fast food standards of emptyhalf fic.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i uh. i should. i would like to but my brain is quite severely broken. i do read them all and i bookmark a lot in open tabs to come back to and reply to because they mean a lot but then i have 6000 tabs open and no executive function.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

we don't do that here. i guess maybe if you dig into the far distant past then it was probably i'm not just a fuck up, i'm the fuck up you love which is 18k words of jev not really getting over daniel that ends on a sort of optimistically blasted-open note.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

most of them are happy but probably actually pick me up, no headlights where george and max end up with their weird little family worked out and the kids are doing well, y'know

8. Do you get hate on fics?

no i don't think enough people read them to beef me lol

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

hahahaha oh yea. i like to think i write something along the lines of realistic queer sex, with the way that means it's mostly kind of funny and sometimes awakward and isn't elegant or arch or even particularly romantic except that you're getting to do it with the person you do it with. writing lando and oscar being straight with each other, even if it's in a cringe fail way, made me realise i really do not write straight people and i feel a bit like one of those painfully hetero actors who does a gay kissing scene and talks about how they had to get themselves in the mindset by watching the l word or whatever haha. what do straight people do? who are they?

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

i was gonna say no but then i remembered i wrote logan and oscar going ghosthunting and being kinda pass-agg horny about it because. idk? logan gave me ryan bergara vibes.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i think someone reposted some of mine awhile ago and it got dealt with before i really knew anything about it idk

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i don't know tbh. someone made a podfic of one of my fics a way back.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yeah i used to do that quite a lot but now. i am a lone wolf. (too perverse for other people's minds)

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

jenson/lewis but society has never been ready for this

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i don't. i don't wanna let doubt enter into it but my daniel goes to fe fic is up against a number of the dark souls boss level demons in my own brain 😔

16. What are your writing strengths?

uh. i uh. i can write on my phone? i have a relaxed attitude to whether what i write is any good at all? i don't actually think i really have any.

people quite often say i have a lot of emotional intelligence in my fics which is very funny to me because i am a deeply unemotionally intelligent person so idk how that's happened really.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

look we could be here all day.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i guess it has never bothered me so long as the reader could be reasonably expected to work out the meaning from the context.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

cardcaptor sakura (i was 14)

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

hmmm. in terms of thinking it's like, good or whatever it's probably don't say no or you'll have to go, the fucked up valtteri/george mutual seat envy/horror of being compared to lewis hamilton thing. or really, it's an old spy au fic called ten seconds before sunrise that i deleted ages ago so: sorry about that.

but favourite is probably some dumb mando shit or i have extreme recency bias so maybe logan and oscar go ghosthunting or whatever. oh wait, no, it's genders maxy the how-to-find-your-identity-post-racing-in-your-pussy treatise that was born of crack but ended up. no, it's still crack. anyway, classic emptyhalf shit tbh.

[chronic-ghost]

Hello 👋🏻

Hi ! I hope I'm not bothering you. Just wanted to pop into your ask box and tell you that I really enjoy reading your fics! I've been a fan of pedro pascal for some time now and I really really love reading your take!! Esp on Javi in liar liar! It was really funny and you made me laugh so much! Thank you so much for writing and sharing !! I really hope you write more soon! I can't wait to read 🖤

I saw you shared an ask game?? I had some questions? if you don't mind answering that is because I know its been some time since you posted it? Feel free to ignore it if you want.

15 16 29 34 39 41 and finally 69 for Liar Liar

Sorry if they're a lot you dont have to answer all of them! I just couldn't resist.

I love your work ! Hope you have a great day! 🖤

okay so i had to take a minute to read this and reread it and reread it again. You are absolutely NOT bothering me -- I read this after a particularly humbling day at work, and wow, I thought about it the rest of the day. Thank you SO MUCH for reading my work! I am so touched that you are a seasoned pp reader and you find my take unique! It's hard out here for a fic writer so messages like this truly make all the frustration and head-banging that comes with writing really worth it. 💗 you are so sweet and i hope there are good things for you to look forward to!

As for the ask game, I am more than happy to play! :) And if you'd like, you don't have to wait for those games to come around if you have a question about a fic or would like an update! My ask box is always open! Here's your questions:

15. What’s your favorite time to write?

Probably the mornings. I like the mornings the best in general and there's nothing better than starting the day with a good writing flow!

16. Do you write by hand, on your phone, or on your laptop?

oh man, laptop every single time. I write notes or ideas to myself on my phone when I'm in bed and the brain waves are pulsing, but I could never write long form on anything but my computer. I know writers who write everything down first AND THEN type them -- to me that is like god tier writing process. I am a weak, weak woman.

29. What’s something about your writing that you’re proud of?

When I make people laugh. Call it my "fawning" instincts, but I always try and make people laugh in different social situations -- to varying degrees of success. So when people laugh at my dumb jokes in fic, I'm really pleased with myself!

34. How much of your personal life/experience do you include in your fics?

😬 oof y'all are gonna be able to spot my kinks after this. But honestly, it depends on which fandom/situation I'm writing for. I wrote a Midnight Mass fic that was very, very personal to my experiences growing up in Texas around Catholics. On the other hand, I don't have the guts to be, uh, so public as the reader in 'blood makes noise'. I think most of my reader characters are a mix of myself and who I want to be.

39. What’s your most self-indulgent wip?

(oh, honey, they all are) i think it's a tie between (working title) Living Dead Girl, where reader becomes Max's blood donor and (working title) Riders of the Purple Sapir, where Din and reader go on a quest for vengeance against the men who killed her father. The cowboy goth in me is REAL excited about both of those.

41. Who’s your favorite character you’ve written?

Max is quickly becoming the little bug in my ear about most things. He has such a distinctive personality from other Pedro boys, I love it so much. All his little faces kill me.

But I've said this to a friend -- i think half the fun writing for the pedro boys is coming up with a reader character that perfectly meshes with them. What personality traits would drive them up the goddamn walls? What do they need to feel fulfilled in a partner? So if "reader" can count as a character, I really liked the reader in Go Ahead, I Dare Ya and Recovery Road. Just as insane as their counterparts.

69. What are your favorite fics at the moment?

YES YES YES i get to GUSH about the fics that have me gnawing at my cage bars:

Psychomanteum by @whatsnewalycat is literally everything I want in a fic. perfect extensions of the characters from the source media. new problems for them that make you see more facets of their personalities. so.must.fantastic.smut it makes me want to scream. the angst and the grief and the literal haunting of a dead spouse - or a spouse that you lost but maybe didn't ever actually have adsfaksldjf GHOSTS I LOVE GHOSTS. i cannot recommend this fic enough. i am on my hands and knees begging people to read it.

This one isn't pedro specific, but @astroboots's Every Me Every You is like my kryptonite. Every new chapter hits me in a place that I didn't know could hurt while being such a fun throw back to the good ol' days of the MCU. i feel like it's written specifically for those of us who were on tumblr during the 2012 avengers take over. Good times.

For just the sweetest, gentlest Dieter Bravo, please consider @stardustandskycrystals 's Curls. I stumbled across it one night before bed and I was up until like 2AM to finish it. It's adorable and I just need them all to be okay forever and happy and little Charlie is basically my child at this point. Oof!

*takes you by the shoulders* if you even remotely like Prospect or the sci fi genre, I am BEGGING YOU to read Compulsion by @iamskyereads. Like. Like. I cannot formulate words to express how fantastic this piece of fiction is. I want to leave detailed, thoughtful comments but my mind just goes blank after reading it. Her work is truly a staggering piece of world-building and character development. I cannot believe this art is just free for me to consume. i am . . . undone by how good it is. (you should also read her Lie To Me series, insanely good too)

I KNOW i'm missing some so if I forgot yours I am SO SORRY FOR BEING AN IDIOT.

This response ended up being way longer than intended but I hope this show how much messages like these matter to me. Thank you again for reading and I hope my future fics don't disappoint you!

[twinge-of-cosmicangst]

Watched Queer as Folk for the first time, as I kind of want to make my way through RTD’s back catalogue as I really like Cucumber, years and years, It’s a sin and of course doctor who…

and well Stuart is definitely the most likeable nonce on television, like seriously 15??? Wtf even at the time that must have raised eyebrows it was only 1999 anyway. But most of the outrage of the show at the time was not about Nathan being 15 but just about gay sex being ‘depraved’ in general, Queer as folk got incredibly homophobic responses (I saw some media clips in Russell T Davis: The Doctor and me) Like I get rtd wanted to do teenage gay experience, and that is realistic for some people, but I feel that Stuart should have been called out for it more then he was, Stuart is supposed to come off as morally grey, but not a complete shit bag so maybe they should of made Nathan 17 instead or even 16 (For those who don’t know age of consent in the uk is 16 but rather homophobicly, until recently, the age of consent for gay men was 18 even though it was 16 for heterosexual sex) But I did enjoy the show overall, and whatever you think of Stuart, Aiden Gillen was incredible in the role, also Vince dumping his Australian boyfriend because he didn’t know all the names of the doctor who’s was very funny. I liked the ending with Vince and Stuart and giving Nathan the speech but the scene in America with the gun was a tad ott, but that’s generally Davis’ style.

Bonus note: There was a line in the first episode that really confused me, Vince said “It used to be 70s night now it’s 90s night, that made me feel old” any other context that sentence would make sense but it was literally 1999, surely all nights that play modern music were 90s night, music that came out after 1999 literally didn’t exist, that would be like having a 2020s night today. I guess it was a joke but it was one that didn’t make sense, dumb of me to concentrate on a throwaway line but I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Oh wait writing about Vince’s first line made me think about one of Stuart’s where he talks about how he lost his virginity to his PE teacher when he was 12! He mainly talks about like he’s bragging but he does say ‘I must have been terrified’ almost in a jokey way but still… Russell T Davis is a good and very nuance writer so I think Stuart being sexually abused at 12 (even though he clearly doesn’t see it as sexual abuse he sees it as consensual) is connected to him sleeping with a 15 year old. I don’t think it’s meant to be in a ‘those who are abused as kids grow up to abuse others’ kind of way, I don’t think Stuart and Nathan’s ‘relationship’ was meant to be seen as abusive, problematic, but not abusive. Stuart isn’t attracted to very young men particularly, he sleeps with a large variety of men, he actively tries to sleep with as many men as possible, and a large variety of men, he slept with Nathan because he was just another notch on the belt (and good looking) and seen as he was 12 when he lost his virginity and was going to the clubs and having one night stands at 16, only a year older than Nathan, he generally doesn’t see much wrong with it other then it being taboo, but he’s been told all his life that being gay is taboo in general, he just thinks those who take issue with him sleeping with a 15yo are prudish or don’t understand the gay male experience (I am in no way saying sleeping with underage boys is part of the gay experience, I’m just trying to get into the head of Stuart and what he thinks)

[llycaons]

ep38 (1/3): that which resembles a romance but is in fact a horror short film

lsz is eager to help ofc, but wwx doesn't know who he is yet

wwx asking for jl and the jiang bell matters - his connection to his old home and family. and apparently the jiang bells are powerful? they were more described in the book. I actually forgot they were even in the show since they're barely talked about

THERE SHE IS!!!!!!!! I love a-qing, such a strong personality, her own goals and motivations, curious and intelligent and out for herself and brave. it is shitty to pretend to be disabled, but I'm going to blame the author for that instead of a 16 yr old orphan girl living on the streets. it's not like it doesn't backfire on her anyway

also she's so funny. 'why do men dress nice when they're poor, this is an attack on me specifically'

FIRST MEETING!!! that blindfold is alarming but the blood looks a little pale (fake)

ohh I could swoon. saints and heroes don't really exist in this world, it's too complicated and brutal for them to survive. but xxc was as close as anyone else ever got and I think a-qing knew she'd never meet someone as special as him again

not to say he doesn't have flaws - his naivete is disastrous for all of them and he overlooks her concerns out of a patronizing dismisiveness when he should be respecting her instincts, which helped her survive all her life on the streets. also, it's admirable of him to be nonjudgemental but xy just has odious vibes and it's a tragedy he was so charmed by him that he didn't pick up on that. sort of a xxc jgy situation except xy was fully in love with him or whatever approximates love for him and I still think jgy was mostly using lxc to survive. so another dark foil to wx just as songxiao are a lighter (but still tragic) parallel

anyway he thinks a-qing is funny and is clearly endeared by her, and she clearly likes him a lot despite lying to him. their dynamic has so much chemistry and potential for being great family, it's a shame they're not more popular to write about. this is probably one of the only reasons he's had to smile since he and SL parted ways

smart girl! this guys sounds like bad news, so get outta there

ah! curse the hyperdeveloped senses of a cultivator!

unlike the tragedy of wwx, this could literally have all been avoided if not for a single person - there are many ways to rewrite this and just have them never cross paths. of course, that misses out on the richness of this story and the themes at play, not to mention their significance for the wider narrative, so I don't particularly like yi city fix-its before the fact. but they're definitely easy

christ he's bleeding like craxy. what did they do to him. and why didn't they do it better

of course as soon as he sees xxc he's like FUCK

yeah and if xy lets xxc touch his hand he'll know he's missing his pinky

...not that I like to think about them having a relationship but IF they had sex I wonder how he managed that

god this is so kind 😭 why couldn't it have been wwx that xxc found and they just had a nice little family time (they're cousins or something) for a decade or so before wwx was comfortable enough to leave. MAN

a-qing sleeping in that coffin then hopping out is so cute I love her

it's only been a day and already he looks perfectly groomed clean robes clear skin fully hydrated etc. the man knows how to look good I gotta say

and he starts right off by being a piece of shit to a-qing. I think the siblings dynamic can be really funny but lbr in canon he terrorized her and she hated him for it

I thought this was kind of dumb. like even if she was blind anyone would feel a SWORD. and if he learns she's not really blind, what, xxc is disappointed? I suppose it means he's less careful around her. bc she was able to witness a lot of his crimes bc he wasn't as watchful, assuming she couldn't see (and therefore could never understand what was happening? ableist of him)

a-qing: please don't leave me alone with this scary stranger we picked up by the side of the road, he's really aggressive and he's lying about who he is and I think he's dangerous

xxc: oh you silly girl. he'll be leaving soon *immediately starts flirting with him*

actually xy comes at this with a very specific angle. it's almost like he's emulating wwx - he presents himself as someone hardworking, uncomplaining, and good-hearted despite the hardships he's clearly gone through. of course xxc was taken in

haha no big deal! I'll just casually drop this little fact! it's definitely not something I want you to know about me so you can sympathize with me while admiring how blase I am about it! MAN

on the one hand I can see why xxc is being so open-minded and I appreciate his kindness. on the other hand he IS misled by his own feelings and she is also literally right. she gives him good reasons not to trust him and he's like *pats her on the head* we'll be fine

the head-pats are sweet when coming from adults to their kids (or jyl to wwx) but it just feels patronizing here

literally this is blatant flirting. a-qing off to the side going 😭 he has a crush what I am supposed to do now!!

and THIS??? I was so shocked the first time I saw this I was like THIS is allowed but wwx and lwj can't hug??? huh??? idk the exact specifications of the censorship but in some ways xy/xxc hits you harder with the gay subtext than any other couple including wx which is so wild to me. and also deeply tragic obviously

I think it helps that the writers have a very solid idea of what this relationship is and exactly how each character felt at every moment of it. meanwhile for wx interactions can be very inconsistent and confusing. anyway GET YOUR HANDS OFF HIM YOU FREAK

so yeah overall super eerie and frightening to see xxc fall so readily in love with someone you KNOW is cruel and sadistic and lying to him and deceiving him. like this could have been a cute second-love kind of deal with a new family in a new city. fresh start. but then again, no it couldn't have