#i mean 13 is still a loser but like in serious ways mostly

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

did they have 13 do anything like this? they shouldve had 13 do stuff like this

[violetwolfraven]

Some Kind of Disaster

A song fic that is part 2 to this. Basically, it’s an angsty sprace fic to Some Kind of Disaster by All Time Low. Mostly cause I felt guilty for breaking Race’s heart a little bit. Enjoy, y’all.

...

I'm a liar, I'm a cynic. I'm a sinner, I'm a saint. I'm a loser, I'm a critic. I'm the ghost of my mistakes. And it's all my fault that I'm still the one you want. What are you after? Some kind of disaster?

Spot felt numb as he walked back to the Lodging House.

It was Race.

They both had to be the stupidest sons if bitches who ever lived, because they’d known each other since Spot was 13 and Race was 12 and it had never registered in Spot’s mind that he knew most of his friends’ soulmarks, yet Race was his best friend and he’d never seen his. Never even considered that it might say his name.

I woke up from a never-ending dream. I shut my eyes at 17.

It had been 4 years.

How were they just finding this out now?

Probably because they were stupid. They were goddamn idiots and now everything was messed up.

I lost every moment in between. I felt the sun rise up and swallow me, yeah.

Replaying every interaction they’d had in the last 4 years, Spot guessed he wasn’t particularly surprised.

He’d started spending time with Race because he found him intriguing. No one else risked crossing a King of Brooklyn if they didn’t have to—even one who hadn’t been king very long—and then here came this cocky little shit who’d apparently been selling at Sheepshead for years and somehow managed to talk every Brooklyn kid who found out into not reporting him to whatever king happened to be in power.

When Spot did find out about him, he hadn’t been scared. Not even a little.

Even Jack Kelly, three-time Refuge escapee and all around badass (Spot would never say it to Kelly’s face, but he actually respected his fighting skills.) had a healthy respect for the Brooklyn crown. He knew that Spot could kill him if he needed to, and was understandably wary, even as the best fighter in Manhattan.

Race hadn’t shown any respect beyond the normal kind decent people showed other human beings.

And it's all my fault that I'm still the one you want.

So, Spot had always figured that was what had drawn him to Race. What had kept him running back to this gutsy Manhattan kid no matter how annoying he was sometimes or how many other friendships Spot had ended for his friends’ own sake.

And Spot had ended many friendships over the years. People close to you were just people for you to cry over when they inevitably left you, one way or another. Or they were people who could be used to manipulate or hurt you, and either way, it wasn’t worth it.

But he’d never been able to bring himself to push Race away, because Race treated him like he was any other kid. Because Race laughed when Spot asked him if he was scared of him. Because Race could be annoying and sarcastic at all the wrong times, but he also could be so considerate and caring when something was genuinely wrong. There was no one else Spot trusted enough to talk about feelings with.

I'm a liar, I'm a cynic. I’m a sinner, I’m a saint.

And yet he’d never thought of Race in the way a soulmate bond was supposed to imply. He’d never daydreamed about what it might be like to kiss Race, never thought about how nice it felt just to hug him. Never. Because being queer was dangerous when you weren’t leading the bloodiest borough in New York and besides, Spot didn’t have time for any relationship.

He’d never thought about it. Never. He couldn’t.

Because even if he had, there was the fact that Spot was a killer, he was objectively a terrible person, and Race deserved someone good. He deserved someone who it wasn’t dangerous to be with, and if he couldn’t want a girl, he deserved a nice boy who could give him an easy relationship. Or, as easy as two boys could be.

I'm a loser, I'm a critic. I'm the ghost of my mistakes.

That would never be Spot. He could never give Race what he deserved, which was why, despite the look on his soulmate’s face when he pulled back from that kiss, he had to do it. He had to push him away—had to finally force himself to push Race away—because if he didn’t, Race would end up stuck with a broken, complicated killer who didn’t deserve him.

And it’s all my fault that I’m still the one you want. So what are you after?

That didn’t mean the pain on Race’s face hadn’t been agony to witness. It was Spot’s fault, he knew, for not pushing him away sooner.

He kept all his other friends at arm’s length for a reason. It was his own damn fault that Race was hurting right now, because if he’d just pushed him away when he should have, Race wouldn’t have developed any kind of feelings for him.

Some kind of disaster?

And he knew that Race did have feelings for him, because Spot knew Race, and Race wasn’t the kind of dumbass to kiss someone just because they were soulmates.

God, Spot wished he could wish that never happened. In truth, he couldn’t stop thinking about it, because it had been full of uncertainty but it was good. He totally hadn’t imagined kissing Race before, but if he had, it still would have been better than anything he could imagine. He hadn’t wanted to stop even as he pushed him away.

I crashed down from a high that felt so real.

Spot was fighting a smile over the fact that Race had kissed him, which was stupid because he wasn’t a goddamn teenage girl.

I never knew how much it would hurt to feel.

Thinking again about how hurt Race had looked when he pushed him away, it wasn’t hard not to smile anymore.

Even without the fact that they were soulmates, even if you disregarded them being best friends, Racetrack Higgins was one of the few genuinely nice people in the world. Spot genuinely couldn’t imagine wanting to hurt him.

You gotta hurt sometimes to learn to heal.

He would recover. He’d pick himself up and find some other boy and Spot could pretend it didn’t ache to even think about seeing him with someone else.

Well, imagining Race happy with someone else was better than imagining him hurting.

You gotta get back up and learn to deal. Yeah.

And Spot would be fine. Love wasn’t something that had ever been in the cards for him. He would be lucky if he lived to 20 as it was, and honestly... well, he couldn’t imagine what his life would look like when he was anything other than a Newsie. He knew he’d have to move on eventually, but...

Well, wherever he ended up, Spot was sure it wouldn’t be with a bouncy boy with a blue-eyed smirk that could melt anyone’s heart.

Nope. It hadn’t melted Spot’s. It definitely hadn’t. He couldn’t think about that.

And it's all my fault that I'm still the one you want.

“Why do you look like someone spat in your sandwich?”

Shit. Spot hadn’t expected anyone to be waiting up for him, but a couple of his friends had.

Or maybe Hotshot and Joey just felt like playing cards in the common room at 9:00 at night when they had work tomorrow. Who knew?

I’m a liar, I’m a cynic. I’m a sinner, I’m a saint.

“I’m fine, Hotshot,” Spot mumbled, heading for the stairs.

“That ain’t super convincin’, Spot,” Joey remarked, “If you’s gonna lie, can ya at least do it well?”

Hotshot slapped her in the arm, “Spot, what is it?”

Screw it. Spot had to talk to someone about this, and Hotshot was his second. He trusted him more than just about anyone.

“Hey, Jo, can you go upstairs?”

Joey looked up from her cards, registered that Spot was serious, and put the cards down, standing up and heading for the stairs.

“Guess I can kick Hotshot’s ass in poker tomorrow,” she said, “Have a good talk, boys.”

I’m a loser, I’m a critic. I’m the ghost of my mistakes.

Spot sat down in the seat Joey had been in, waiting until he heard her get to the top of the stairs to untie the fabric covering his wrist.

“You remember this, right?”

Hotshot nodded, untieing his own, “So, this is ‘bout Anthony?”

“I guess.”

“Wait, did ya find him?!”

“Did you find Isaac?”

Hotshot hesitated.

“Wait, did you? When?” Spot demanded, “Did ya find your soulmate and not tell me?”

Hotshot laughed nervously, “Maybe?”

“Who?”

“Um...” Hotshot looked at the floor, “It’s... it’s Ike. He’s a Manhattan boy. We found out maybe six months ago. We’s been meetin’ up in secret for a few months, but... well, so far it’s workin’.”

Spot realized that... well, Hotshot was an angry, defiant 12-year-old when he first came to Brooklyn. Now, he was an angry, defiant 15-year-old. He ran hot. They called him ‘Hotshot’ for a reason.

But a few months ago, he’d started cooling down a little. He was calmer. Happier. He still was a bit too confrontational for his own good, but Spot hadn’t had to bail his little brother (because Hotshot was his little brother, blood be damned) out of a fight in a while. He’d noticed the smile that came out more often, but just... hadn’t asked about it.

“That’s...” Spot forced a smile, “That’s great. I’m happy for ya, kid.”

“So, what’s the story with Anthony?” Hotshot asked, “I takes it by the look on your face, whatever it is didn’t go well.”

“It... it’s complicated.”

“Well, what is it?” Hotshot urged, “What happened?”

Spot’s instinct was to not tell him. His instinct was to just run away and talk to someone he was more comfortable with talking to.

But he wasn’t comfortable with anyone more than Hotshot. No one except Race. And his head was still a little hazy from the alcohol, so he could blame it on that.

“I pushed him away.”

Hotshot nodded, “Okay. I did the same thing.”

Spot didn’t expect that, “Wait, what?”

“I pushed him away when I found out—relationships are messy and dumb, right? Only the little shit wouldn’t leave me alone. He kept findin’ any excuse to come see me. It took him gettin’ sick and finally stayin’ away for a few days for me to realize I didn’t want him to.”

Well, that wasn’t Spot’s problem. He wasn’t pushing Race away because he didn’t want him. He was pushing him away because he knew that confident, funny dumbass deserved better than him.

Spot took a deep breath, “It’s Race.”

“Oh, shit. Wait... haven’t ya known him for—“

“Years, yeah,” Spot admitted, “And we’s just figurin’ it out now. We’re stupid. I get it.”

“Still... Race is your best friend. Why would you push him away?”

Spot scoffed, “Hotshot, ya know what kind of person I am, right?”

“Yeah..?” he looked confused, “This is a problem because..?”

“I don’t deserve him.”

Hotshot was silent for a second before banging his head on the table.

“What—“

“Ya think I deserve Ike?” he asked, rolling his eyes, “You had to pull me off a Harlem kid before I killed him, once, Spot.”

“Yeah, but—“

“I ain’t a good person, either. Hell, most of Brooklyn ain’t. But do ya see the rest of us mopin’ ‘bout not bein’ good enough for our soulmates? Do you actually know what ‘soulmates’ means?”

“Yes,” Spot growled, “It means fate made a goddamn mistake, cause Race is so good, and he deserves better than me.”

“But you’re his soulmate,” Hotshot argued, “That means nobody can make him happy like you can and... dammit Spot, even if ya don’t deserve him, he deserves to be happy. So if ya really care, just... the best you can do for him is to suck it up, accept you’ll never deserve him, and love him, anyway.”

“I.... I don’t...”

The words stuck in his throat. He couldn’t say that he didn’t love Race.

He couldn’t say that he did, though, either.

“I thought you was supposed to be the wise one,” Hotshot muttered, “Bein’ leader and a couple years older than me. Thought you’s supposed to have more figured out.”

Spot shrugged, “I probably am.”

And it’s all my fault that I’m still the one you want. So what are you after? Some kind of disaster?

Spot stalled until the next day, waiting until after selling time and then hurrying over to catch his soulmate before he left for Manhattan.

Race looked like... like someone had blown out a candle inside him. Sad didn’t quite cover it.

When he saw Spot, he froze, somewhere between afraid, angry, and hopeful, but thankfully not trying to run as he watched him approach.

Spot took a deep breath, “Can we talk?”

Race seemed to be pondering the options before he nodded once, jerking his chin towards his usual hangout place under the stands.

Well I've sung this song a thousand times.

“So, what is it?” Race asked, kind of annoyed-sounding.

Spot knew him well enough to know that he was using faked anger to cover up his real feelings, though he wasn’t sure what said feelings were. He decided not to point that out.

“What?” Race asked again, an impatient edge in his voice as Spot struggled for words.

He had no idea what to say. This was... he usually knew what to say to Race. Race was his best friend. Things were easy and safe with Race.

Race was his soulmate. He didn’t know what to say about that.

I wore the crown, I sold the lie.

“I think I owe ya an explanation,” he said finally.

Race snorted, “What’s there to say? Soulmates ain’t always a guarantee. Sometimes fate makes mistakes, and I ain’t gonna try to make you want me, Spottie, so—“

“I do,” Spot interrupted, “Or... I don’t... not.”

“What?”

There was hope and fear in that word.

I lived the life and paid for every crime, yeah.

Spot took a deep breath, shoving down his nerves. Race deserved the truth.

“There are things I can’t say, Racer, but don’t think for a second that I pushed ya away because I don’t have... feelings. Believe me, it’s frustratin’ that I do, but... I don’t deserve you. Plain and simple. I’ve got more blood on my hands than you should have to deal with.”

Race looked at the ground as he took a step closer to Spot.

“Ain’t that my decision to make?”

His voice was softer, now, but Spot still knew he needed to choose his words carefully.

It's all downhill 'til it's a climb. Through blood and tears, but I don't mind.

“I can’t give ya everything you deserve,” he said, “I can’t. It’s a fact. You deserve someone who isn’t a damaged killer who’s angry all the time.”

“I don’t give a fuck what I deserve,” Race said quietly, “I already know everything you’ve had to do to survive, Spot. I ain’t ran yet and I ain’t gonna. If ya don’t want me, you can just say so. But if you do, you need to say it right now.”

“I don’t know if I can,” Spot admitted, “Race, I push everyone away because it’s... it’s safer.”

“So let me be the one person you don’t push away. Ya never have before we found out ‘bout this.”

“This is different. Havin’ a friend is one thing. A lover... a soulmate... that’s different.”

I'll just keep singing on and on and on.

“I don’t care,” Race insisted, “Spot, it’s my choice what I want to take on. And I know bein’ with you, I’d be takin’ on danger and a whole lot of complications, but I don’t care. I’ll take it all on if you’ll let me.”

Spot took a deep breath. He replayed Hotshot’s words in his head, knowing that he didn’t deserve Race, but Race deserved to be happy. He was terrified to let someone get that close to him, but...

Well, to be honest, Race already was that close. Race had been breaking down his walls since he was 13, and if they got together, not that much would actually change because they already knew every part of each other.

And it's all my fault that I'm still the one you want...

“I don’t deserve you,” Spot said slowly, “And there are things I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to say to you, but... I’m willin’ to try. I want to try.”

Race smiled, “Is that the truth?”

I’m a liar, I’m a cynic.

Spot realized right then how close together they were standing.

Maybe it was still annoying to him how he had to look up a bit to look Race in the eye. It wasn’t fair, considering Spot was actually a little under a year older.

I’m a sinner, I’m a saint.

“Yes,” he mumbled, “That’s the truth.”

It was. Because even if it was hard to admit it to himself, Spot did want Race, and he was glad he was his soulmate.

I’m a loser, I’m a critic. I’m the ghost of my mistakes.

Race looked around, checking that no one was around. It was late enough that no one was. They probably wouldn’t be walked in on here.

Spot was a little nervous about what that meant, but a little excited, too, as Race turned back to him with a cheeky little smirk.

“May I?”

And it’s all my fault that I’m still the one you want.

Spot nodded, grabbing the front of Race’s shirt, himself, to pull him into a kiss like the one he’d been too scared to return last night.

Yeah, it’s all my fault that I’m still the one you want. So what are you after? Some kind of disaster?

[fruitylibrarian]

quest of the spear live rewatch!

i already spewed my pre call to adventure flynn thoughts all over a text post but I would like to repeat: pre-canon flynn my beloved <3

yes he is a bit of a bastard but he just loves his books and he’s so genuinely just like. passionate and like…. Big? does that make sense? like i mean inside. not literally. bright

flynn’s mom is so fucking funny

and she’s Trying Her Best

you know one thing I don’t understand, I assume that flynn could afford to keep going to college because of like grants and scholarships since he’s all smart and like, even if his mom is well off, no one below the morally bankrupt millionaire line can pay for 22 degrees and not die of no-money-itis otherwise known as Starving

but like. why not become a professor or some other academia position?

you’d be incredibly overqualified and you’re a white dude, so while academia isn’t exactly bursting with new spaces to fill I’m sure you could find something???? and like. a professor in particular, while baby flynn might not be great at the connection part, seems like a natural progression to at least try for considering it keeps you in that comfort zone and familiar space just in a different albeit familiar role, and allows you to go on long lectures people can’t interrupt. and like, professors literally like, part of their job is research and to continue learning, so like. it seems like the natural choice for him to go for?

don’t get me wrong, baby flynn in particular might not be extremely well suited considering his lack of people skills, but plenty of professors are brilliant slightly odd smarties who give long, super engaging theatrical lectures (sounds like him!) but suck at one on one meetings and talking to people or may be accidentally insulting, but like, their class is genuinely interesting and they grade decently so like, I think he could get past that hurdle is what I’m saying

obviously he’d have to work at it and get the skills necessary but you know what that means? MORE SCHOOL, BABY! just in a different direction! like just? it seems like the obvious choice for his situation

ah yes!!! magic letter!!! it’s kind of funny they do this, it’s a great hook and way to make applicants go Uh Excuse Me and want to know more but also like, there’s no proof magic happened either?

although you’d think some people would get obsessive like let me tell you if i encountered real ass magic like that i wouldn’t stop until i had an answer

ah the Incredibly Long Interview Line. it’s kinda how funny how like. Not Special he is but at the same time he is?

“never been treated so badly in my entire life!” what did you say to him charlene

i’m sure he deserved it i just want to know

wait oh no i just realized

all these people are dead

every single one of them got murdered in the first episode of the series

jesus that’s dark

not gonna be able to stop thinking about that one huh

also love how it’s pretty evenly men and women

although it’s still mostly white

fuck that lady just left crying I know they’re doing this to turn up the drama but DAMN, charlene

god he almost gave up. remember the timeline episode where he never became the librarian? weird.

Gkjlfkgjhfglh Where Do You Think You’re Going? (weak gesture like “me?”) Yes You. Get In Here amazing how can she even see him she’s around the CORNER. camera? magical surveillance? why? just to freak people out? amazing.

i do so love charlene, it’s a shame she wasn’t in the show more

also she literally never explains shit. What Makes You Think You Can Be The Librarian he doesn’t even know what that means, charlene

He Doesn’t Even Have A Library Science Degree

oh wow he does actually have librarian qualifications lmao

why did i not remember that

DLKFGJDFG I did remember him sherlocking her tho

wait her MARRIAGE? to WHO?

i thought her and judson were a thing despite jenkins being into her or something?

huh

also why does this qualify him to be The Librarian™ like oh he can sherlock? ok?

maybe it’s just bc he had the balls to do it

well, the sherlock thing is also not completely unhelpful it just doesn’t seem central to his skills, or at least, not the way he uses it (do we see him use it like this again? he usually applies more obscure knowledge then ye classic deduction sherlockian skills if I remember correctly which I may not because my brain is smooth)

judson is such a fucking drama queen

LKDJFGLKDJFGLDKFJG I FUCKING FORGOT HE LITERALLY JUST FUCKING REPEATED HIS MOM’S LITTLE PHRASE AMAZING

also why did he seem to think her sending everyone home meant he didn’t get it why would she stop all interviews because you fucked up

he just fucking walked out of a wall judson you are so dramatic

also warehouse 13 vibes huh. welcome to a world of endless wonder

I could do a whole fucking thesis on warehouse 13 and the librarians or—well that’s a whole other tangent

anYWYA

this interview was remarkably easy tho, it’s not like he wasn’t impressive but it wasn’t mindblowing either????? this coming from a big fan of flynn

the big shiny wonderous eyes as the library lights up……flynn my beloved

also his floofy hair ldkfgjdlkfgj

he’s like this is too good am I being prank’d

why the mona lisa?????iIs the mona lisa magic??? It only became famous because it got stolen why would it be magic??? Is this one of those we make it magic by believing it or some shit things???

Flynn Do Not Open The Random Box In The Library Of Incredibly Dangerous Artifacts

oh hello excalibur !!

oh rip flynn immediately being like “oh im not worthy, trust me” with 100 percent certainty im hurt oof

KSJFLGKDJGLKDJG THE APPLE “the apple from the garden of eden…….” *judson takes a bite* “actually I just left this here”

excalibur hello properly!!!!

judson is such a fucking DRAMA QUEEN he’s so casual!! and cal you too you slippery bitch!  

ah the jetpack.

DLFKGJDLKFGJ “it usually takes a new librarian four hours to find the jetpack. you did it in three! congratulations” love the implication that every librarian (at least since it was added to the library) has done this no matter how serious like the bad guy of this movie… *checks notes* edware wilde? jetpack. darrington dare, probably? jetpack. i like to think jenkins did it too (not technically a librarian, but you know)

flynn thinking of himself as embarrassing… ☹

HIS MOM IS SO PROUD OF HIM

part sweet, part funny, part rip

I don’t know what she was expecting when he said librarian tho like. originally he literally looked at shit for FRY COOk degrees don’t always mean shit you know

and librarian is up there with professor in Perfect Jobs For Flynn like what did you expect??? Like even if he’d become an archaeologist (a “cool” job) it’s not like that pays super well either as far as I know??

he was never going to be Traditionally Successful

he’s still the same person he still has the same strengths and passions of course he would go into academia and do something like librarian like????? her reaction saddens me.

just be happy for him!! look at him!!!

ok first of all even normal non magic librarians don’t just put books on shelves and that’s a condescending reduction of the job, and second of all, he is so happy!! he has a job, he’s taking responsibility, he’s meeting people, isn’t that enough??? isn’t that literally what you wanted??? even if it WERE what you think it is why couldn’t it just be a good first step??? like??? fuck??? you did been know that he was doing all those fancy degrees because he loved them not because they’d get him some super fancy job??? I mean egyptology is not the most profitable field you know this isn’t med school or whatever

god.

flynn’s mom, visibly not proud and very upset: of course im proud of you!

ok im being a little unfair, she’s trying and clearly she’s been supportive of him, if not straight up enabling of him, but like this is clearly being presented as like. normal person who is normal forced to take care of freakish strange son who is so nerdy and strange and a loser and she is so tired of his shenanigans and all that WORK she put in and he’s NOT FANCY AND CHANGING TO CONFORM TO HER IDEALS OF A GOOD SUCCESSFUL SON/MAN?

and that’s just all very. sigh.

the snake brotherhood are such obnoxiously cheesy villainous villains they’re even called the snake brotherhood

also I think we’re supposed to recognize him as the previous librarian from the painting but if I didn’t already know that I for sure would not know that

smartass flynn is a smartass

I never got people bringing someone coffee to impress them unless they knew their order like there’s no way you know who she likes her coffee so you could so easily get it wrong—like even if you don’t know exactly how much sugar she wants, you could also just get it entirely wrong like assume she likes black coffee but she likes it super sweet, or vice versa, or whatever. it can go wrong so easily!

or she could go “I Hate A Kiss Ass”

she did take it anyway tho so.

ah i did forget (or just not actively think about) how much like… christian mythology there is in this show :/ I mean we did been knew (excalibur and arthurian legend are pretty important to the mythology)

not that christian mythology is inherently bad it just gets a) annoying, b) boring, and c) y’know, very western centric and all

but then trying to reconcile di—you know what that’s a tangent for another time

then again I do assume no one is going to read this

the library really does just throw new librarians into death and go “hope this is fine!” huh

did they just imply god is canon in the “the librarian” universe

you were so cryptic with the no one thing!! just say NOONE

he’s scribbling in his notebook and mumbling out loud what a mood and I love him. what a nerd

ldfkgjdlkjg god sexy jazz music and a breeze this is so dumb

I do hate the forced love interests in all these movies it’s always like Some Hot Girl Is There And They Get It On!

like he really had chemistry with eve and banter but here it kinda feels like that wish fulfilment and then the nerd gets the hot chick the end and im saying that as the nerd

it doesn’t help that each movie has a different one who immediately is dropped as if she never existed afterwards

maybe it’s not as bad as I remember but. sigh

my instant impression of her is to not like her sorry nicole :/

she’s just so rude? she’s like. hot (derogatory)

i get there’s gender politics here with like. she’s used to being treated like a piece of meat and generally like, why not reap the benefits when you are going to get the creeps too, but like, also she’s just so unnecessarily rude—I mean rejecting his clumsy flirting is one thing but you know—ok I won’t even get into that the point is I just don’t really like her that much even tho I don’t think she’s necessarily a bad person or anything you know

but to be fair I think she got better and I remember her being compelling in her return to the show

and like. I do like how the trend in this franchise is “smart little nerd librarian and badass lady guardian kicks ass” but I do wish that it turned around occasionally. we do get cassandra but like. more lady librarians

wow an air marshal? aren’t they rarely even on flights?

sorry im being nitpicky there for sure lmao. please delete the cinamasins ding my words probably summoned from your brain

I get why shoving him out was necessary but also Wow

Gjklhkjfgh imagine sitting next to some mumbling nerd the whole flight and then you see him fly past the windows

LFKGJDLKJDFG he brilliantly lowers our expectations then jumps without a chute! remarkable!

hilarious or commentary on men getting credit for womens’ competency? why not both

i really thought that she was going to be a lying liar the first time I watched this

ah naïve boy. “uh that’s against the law”

flynn’s greatest strength isn’t just his knowledge but his like. breadth of different topics, just like, passion for learning of any time, and like. the ability to not just know a lot of different things but cross-reference and apply them to each other and use them in tandem to understand a greater whole

and we love that for him!

ah flynn therapizing himself lmao

why would she take him going “this bridge is rotting and physically cant support our weight” as a challenge

or him being cowardly like THE STRUCTURAL SUPPORTS ARE ROTTING

YEAH WHAT DID YOU EXPECT OF COURSE HE FUCKING FELL

ok i lied i like nicole i just don’t love their dynamic

i get what they’re going for i just. not my thing

like with eve there was still a clear mutual respect? i guess? idk

maybe it’s just because i’m more sensitive to mean banter? i don’t like mean banter, even when it’s like, def 100 percent well meaning and not mean spirited and no one is actually offended or hurt

although despite not liking their Thing I do a) think it’s very cute how he looks at her, b) their vibe as they start to get to know each other is Better, c) the end of the movie scene where she rides in for maximum drama? now that was good shit.

oh he’s sherlocking her in a shy attempt to impress her but it’s only going to piss her off, right?

oh she’s just sherlocking him back

KSGFJLDKFGJ LMAO “nerd” and that’s it. fair

Cutting Off His Head damn that’s hardcore

hmmmm cringe,

and more cringe

and cringe.

her waking up to him gone right after telling that story about waking up to her librarian gone and then killed—oof

love the serpent brotherhood lady being like wow!! he’s SO COMPETENT!! (cuts to him screaming)

do these ancient traps just have infinite arrows?

also I do love the whole waltzing across trope what can I say im a sucker

DFLKGLDKFGJLDKJG fucking CHUCKS SOMETHING AT IT and immediately where he would be standing is crushed by a huge rock amazing

he literally just chucked a rock at it and it fell over

ah the classic “let the hero get it for us” move

oh there he is! rip

why does he look like macpherson

not really but kind of

also contrast between the lady always being like “omg the librarian is so smart” and him assuming nicole is the one who did the smart thing

“your tears were perfect” how much more of an asshole can you get

They really could have played him as more sympathetic—“oh, we’re always around these powerful artifacts but we never use them for good! I had to do it, I was sick of sitting back and doing nothing” or like “all those years of danger and guarding powerful things and what good did it ever do me? what do I get for my service?” or anything but nah hes just like “mm power good babes. anyway I love sex and being mean”

to be fair flynn he was the librarian too—a real librarian? I mean yeah edward was corrupted and ultimately failed his duties but he had to have been qualified and actually got the job for a reason

flynn I know you think you sound badass but you really don’t

god not shangri-la again. everything the show did with that was. Bad. yikes

why is—god, I should really learn her name [checks notes] lana fangirling so much?

also following the lamia tradition of “serpent brotherhood second in command who is more interesting than the main evil white guy and also a pretty woc” huh

never got like “this is literally impossible�� “well do it or I [generic bad guy threat]” like usually that means nothing lmao

LDFKGJLDKFJLDKFGJ ok first of all god is me? bitch?

second of all. me in english? on this fucking ancient very much not english thing? I mean I guess a) it might not be literal, even though he did say “m, e” by letters, b) it is a christian myth so maybe planted later??? but like?????

dude. giving the super powerful artifact to your prisoner? bad idea. if you’re worried about booby traps have a minion do it.

oh yes your gun is so scary in the face of a temple collapsing

why do heroes always think the whatever is safer with them than the temple that’s guarded it for a thousand years

I get it’s been discovered but like. fuck. still

You Are Going To Crash This Helicopter

SLKGJ HORRIBLE HIGH VELOCITY PIE OF DEATH

flynn and judson…..wholesome

oh here comes more forced romance

just let them be friends who grow to mutually respect each other blease

it is very fucking funny that the mom is like ….. oh my god…. oh my god,,, a WOMAN AJUST ANSEWREDM Y SDONGS PHONE?????????OH MY GOFD?????

he is bisexual. but it’s good he’s getting out

ah floofy hair

cahooting,

Yes You Do Need Clothes

that’s a teleporter sir

god eddie wild is such a boring fucking villain and person

and his plan SUCKS

also the serpent brotherhood (why BROTHERhood?) sucks and hates the library why would they just let this guy, a librarian, literally be their new leader

wow he just stabbed a guy on his OWN TEAM for no reason

great going asshole

love how lana is just like…. O-O

we stan lana. she hasn’t done much and she’s technically a bad guy i just love her

“at last we can be one” what does that even mean

why would lana or any of them want to help him he just killed one of their own for no reason hes clearly tripping on power and leaving yall to die

lfkgjdlkfgj flynn dodging so hard while the others is fight and then PUNCHING A GUY

dfglkjdflgkj wait it’s the professor dude why is that so funny

is he WITH THEM??? I think I just missed something

hold on a sec

yeah I think he just appears??? And flynn just fucking broke his nose iconic

wait so was he with them or is he just here going WHY ARE THERE RANDOM PEOPLE IN MY PYRAMID????????????

oh right he built the—ok I got it

Wait what

I mean I did think lana was neat and she seemed impressed with flynn but what shes just like, in love with him now? that makes zero fucking sense why would she want them to Be Together

Is it just so there can be a catfight between the two hot chicks?

seriously tho? morally pure blonde blue eyed girl versus Evil Asian Chick? really?

for the record NOT THAT IT MATTERS but lana is way cuter im just saying

ah badass judson

THE COMEDY OF THE CAPSTONE CRUSHING HIM DLFKGJDLKFGJ

oh………….pulling out excalibur…. predicable but so good

oh the painting….the very Parenty way of revealing it…… wholesome

oh did NOT like that transition

oh here comes the badass fucking entrance with his gf busting in on his mom trying to set him up with girls

HER ENTRANCE IS SO UNNECESSARAILY DRAMATIC I LOVE THEM

I just love the mom’s face ldfkgjldfkgjdlkfgjdlkfjgd shes like WHAT THEGUFVCJK

again I don’t love the vibes of “oh my weird loser son is finally normal!” but to be fair im exaggerating a bit from just facial expressions it’s just. sigh

but ngl the vindication of him being able to be like. yeah that’s right im a badass now and my gf is cool as fuck is still good

him and nicole do have not terrible vibes at the end but if I remember correctly that mission (time travelling ninjas and hg wells’s time machine) is the one that separated them so rip I guess

overall: good movie! as cringe as I remember but I still love flynn so much

[slothgiirl]

gonna put you off (alex turner oneshot)

alex turner/age difference!reader oneshot in which you are visiting your boyfriend in london from the midlands

You take the last train of the night down to london. Traces of stage makeup still clinging to your skin as you collapse into the seat, a few days clothes tucked into a duffle bag with the tackiest floral print you'd though was chic when you'd seen it at a thrift shop, but had been on many flights with you since, sticking out among a sea of black and navy. As the clock strikes eleven, feeling very much like cinderella as you wipe the remains of the makeup away, the train whizzes past dark countryside, too dark to make out anything. 

In two hours you'd be in London. In two hours you'd be with Alex again. You're still wearing a leotard under your many layers of leggings and sweatpants topped with a turtleneck, flannel, and jacket--in that order. Not remotely like the fashionable girl you'd felt having been dressed by Simone Rocha. It helped that you'd been dressed. 

After years in ballet, most of your wardrobe consisted of warm and practical cotton clothes to shepard you to and from rehearsal. You couldn't give a damn about what you were wearing when you were waking up before sunrise. You'd much rather be warm and not pull a muscle thank you very much. At some point, somewhere in the midlands, you fall asleep. Exhausted to the bone from a weeks worth of shows and only three days to recover. Though you'd probably fit in a few hours of practice during your stay with Alex. 

The announcement for King's Cross wakes you up, a crick in your neck from napping while sitting. You scramble to stuff your headphones into your pocket and grab your bag as you hurry to get off. It's past one in the morning. There's no crowds for you to push through in order to depart, but the sleep-full grogginess gives way to electric anticipation. You have to force yourself not to run off the train. Because Alex. 

You'd seen him just last week. 

He was coming up to Birmingham this week. 

But it didn't matter. You couldn't deny the giddy happiness that you get at the thought of your boyfriend. It was so different from the calm resolve that made you dance for ten hours. Or the serene delight when you twirled about on stage, the heat of the lights blinding you to the audience leaving only room for perfection, one step at a time. 

Just as the train is mostly empty. So it the platform. 

So is the station. 

It's easy to spot Alex, in dark jeans and an equally dark leather jacket, a bouquet of roses in his arms. 

You suck in a breathe, consciously having to stop yourself from speed walking as a smile breaks out on your lips. This is a perfect day in your eyes. "Alex," you tell him, still a couple of steps away. 

His gaze mets yours, the grin on his well formed mouth complimenting yours, as Alex wraps his arms around you and wow is the station freezing. You hug him right back, not caring that you're in public when you reach up to cup his cheek, pressing your lips to his, savoring the taste of him in your mouth. 

" 'ello love," he whispers against your lips. "I take it you had a good show?"

"It was great," you admitt, hands around his neck as you lean back and drink the sight of Alex in. Unlike you, he definitely got enough sleep last night. You've probably been awake for sixteen hours at this point. "but I won't lie. I'm looking forward to these three days off."

Alex laughs. "I brought you flowers," he notes with too much casualty as pink sneaks its way into his cheeks. But he doesn't make to pull away, and the flowers are much forgotten in his grip as you gaze into each others eyes. 

"Thank you," you reply, the happiness bubbling up into your voice. 

"Do ya wanna get outta here," he asks, smile shifting into as smirk as his dark eyes full of the nights promise meet yours. 

"Yes please," you demure, unable to help yourself and add, "I need more tubs of tiger balm than you use of gel right about now."

Alex takes your bag, letting you carry the bouquet as you both get a cab to his flat. His hand never leaving yours. 

** *

Your ballet friend's older cousin, who'd bought alcohol for you both when you were still in high school and incredibly sleep deprived trying to juggle school and dance, works for some company that does PR for a couple of fashion brands. You're not really sure about all the connections, but when she hears you're moving to England--England not London-- she sends you a dm. 

Want to go to fashion week. 

You think Julia might have told her about your plans for after ballet, because as much as yo loved dancing and it was your career right now, like with most sports, it wasn't a long career. But again, you're not sure and seeing as she offered and you don't know anyone else in the entire country, you reply yes. Twenty isn't that young of an age to leave home at. There's lots of ballet stories about young kids leaving at 11 or 13. It isn't any less daunting to leave everyone you know behind. But Birmingham meant a job contract, a steady job. A rarity in dance. 

So you somehow find yourself sitting third row at Simone Rocha, filling in the seats behind celebrities and Anna Wintour. It's like something out of a dream. You wear a dress from the last collection that's worth more than your paycheck and try not to spill anything on it as you get invited by the man sitting next to you, Pierre with three dangly earrings in one ear, skin as rich as creme brulee's crust.

He takes one look at you and says, "new?"

You laugh, caught like a fish out of water, "yeah. I'm still not sure how they even let me in."

"Because you're a size 0," he jokes, which isn't true but you have that toned look that makes you appear slim, exchanging instagram's before the show, then taking you out for a night on the town like you're the latest it bag. It's nice. And easy. You drink beer, and make faces, trying not to think about how awful you'll feel in the morning. You meet writers and buyers, head spinning as you network between drinks and house music, feeling wobbly in heels the way you never would in pointe shoes. Pierre takes you out on the dance floor, where models tower over you. 

Photographs don't do them justice. But instead of feeling insecure the way all those carefully edited selfies do, you just appreciate the edge they each have. The perfect girl next door, all heart shaped face. The perfect cold scandinavian poise, every feature perfectly complimenting each other and poreless HD skin that no amount of makeup could hope to achieve. Like you, having put years into making dancing on pointe seem effortless and painless, they've just perfected their natural beauty. 

And being five one means you have no hopes of being a model. 

Pierre grins shamelessly after making eyes with some photographer in a sequined blazer in some Bahaman themed club, over his latest cocktail, "do hit me up," before disappearing into the crowd. 

You snort into your drink, trying not to feel out of depth. 

In three days you'll be back to your usual routine, settled in at a new studio. Seattle had been home for so long, had been where you first wore pointe shoes and learned to bang the sound out of the wood, smacking each pair of shoes as you all groaned about the piles of homework waiting for you at home.  

You should go. 

Another man slides into the space Pierre had left behind. He's handsome in a classically english way, hair quiffed like some 50s greaser or maybe you'd just thought the 50s were exactly how Grease depicted them. Either way, hot. Unlike most people out and about in during fashion week, his outfit isn't outrageous, trying to attract street style photographers, or a fit for the gram. 

But there's still something sharp about his well fitted blazer and carmine dress shirt,  confidently wearing sunglasses indoors. 

He catches you looking, and without missing a beat, you lie, "sorry my friend ran off with some guy and I was waiting to see if I'd been ditched or not."

You play it off, trying to sound cool and not like you are completely lost and contemplating going home before one in the morning like a loser. You'd already missed out on house parties to the nutcracker and swan lake. You weren't about to let this night go to waste just because you didn't know anyone. 

He smiles, taking a drink from his whiskey, the line of his shoulders relaxing. 

Maybe he thought you were some fangirl. 

There were plenty of famous people here who probably wanted to avoid being hounded while they were just trying to party. 

"Do ya want another drink," he asks, nodding at your empty glass. 

"Sure," you reply lamely. It's not so surprising when he leads you of the club, your hand in his. "So its your fist day in london," Alex parrots, glancing back at you, just to make sure. 

"Yeah," you nod, grinning like an idiot and it wasn't just the alcohol in your bloodstream. Alex's smile could make any girl weak in the knees, you were sure of it. Plus that swagger. You finally understood the meaning of swagger. "Got of plane a couple of hours ago. haven't even seen Buckingham palace."

"No," he shakes his head. 

"I'm serious. I had to head straight to Rocha and get my outfit and makeup done. First time getting my makeup done actually. Found out I've been doing my foundation wrong for years," you ramble on, internally wincing. No one wanted to hear about foundation especially not men you'd only met an hour ago. And Alex was definitely a man, not like the boys you'd gone to high school with and laughed when your health teacher went over a diagram of a vagina. "so no, I haven't seen any london-y things."

"Well we can't have that," Alex utters, flagging a cab down habitually, somehow lighting a cigarette at the same time. 

"To Buckingham Palace through Piccadilly Circus," he tells the cab driver as you both slid in. "Traffic'll be hell though."

"The company's not bad," you comment, watching as his eyes crinkle up from laughter. It softens the line of his face, revealing the baby face beneath the pomade and gel. 

"So what brings you to london," he asks. 

"Work," you admit, your gaze leaving Alex for the first time since you'd laid eyes on him as you watch the city go by. It's a slow crawl as you hit the center of London, views you recall from movies, "Birmingham National Ballet offered me a contract.  I'd be stupid not to have said yes. So I'm just in London for a few days."

"In a very nice dress," Alex says, voice thick in a way that has blood pooling in the pit of your stomach. 

"In a very expensive dress," you add, "that I made sure to take lots of selfies in earlier before I have to return it tomorrow. 

"So ya dance for the posh people."

"Yes," you groan, "and no one thinks it's a real job. Or sport!"

Alex chuckles, smirking, "I've watched Black Swan. I know it's fookin' hard." "2009 was a very good year for ballet." Granted you were too young for anything other than the child parts in The Nutcracker, but still. "What about you?"

He's about to reply, the lights of Piccadilly Circus, still full of life at one in the morning, filling your eyes, when the cabbie interrupts. 

"He's in the arctic monkeys," the cabbie says, taking his eyes off the road. You peel your gaze off the window and turn back to Alex, and his admittedly expensive attire, "Oh so you're actually famous famous?"

He looks down bashfully, nothing like the confident greaser air he put on, "ya could say 'that." 

"Would I have heard-"

"One of our songs," Alex continues, "probably. Me mate says we're properly overplayed now."

"Well you're no One Direction," you counter, teasingly. 

You spend the rest of the night making out in front of Buckingham Palace's fountain, before you invite Alex back to yours. 

** *

Alex laughs as you peel off another layer, laying on his bed, only to uncover another moth eaten sweater. It was annoying when all you wanted was Alex's hips against yours. "Patience love," he manages, but you can hear the want in his voice. 

"Don't be an ass," you counter, "or I'll suddenly remember how tired I am." In response, his lips meet yours, shoving back any intention of sleep away as your skin burns with want, his tongue exploring your mouth, hands abandoning any pretense in favor of shoving your sweatpants down.

"Of course there's leggings," he half groans, half moans against your lips, breathlessly. 

You giggle, pulling your shirt off, "wait until we get to the leotard."

"Can't they have those buttons babies onesies have," Alex mutters, tugging off his shirt. 

"Would be awfully convenient," you admit. There was no sexy way to take a leotard off, but apparently no one had told Alex that, because his hands are helping you tug the leotard down your thighs, fingers leaving burning trails on your skin as he goes, sucking kisses down your neck. 

You moan, closing your eyes in bliss. 

" 'm genuinely surprised your not wearing of these things," he mutters against the crook of your neck. 

"Oh take your jeans off already for fucks sake," you retort, trying to act like your voice isn't all choked up. 

Alex chuckles, but does as you ask, his dark gaze meeting yours as he unbuttons his jeans painfully slow, sitting up between your thighs. It's hot and all, but you are horny. You're twenty, and so turned on, having lost your shoes in the hall. A coat in the living room. 

You reach for him, your hands deliberately brushing against his cock, before helping him tug them down his hips. 

"I'm flattered," Alex teases, voice hoarse. 

"Oh," you counter, when you finally get him out of his boxers, "I see, you think this is about you," you tell him, cupping his jaw as he presses down against you, his hips meeting yours, his fingers brushing against your core. And then you aren't thinking very clearly at all, pleasure taking over as Alex's nimble fingers elicit the most debauched moans out of your lips. 

Callused fingers slid into you as he nips at the skin of your collarbone, knowing exactly where the rub to make you see stars. Yours hands wrapped around his neck, keeping him close, wanting him and only him. And- "There. there there," you manage, aware of how wet you were, toes curling. 

His other hand digs into your hipbone, as you writhe beneath him. 

You whimper at the loss of his touch. At the loss of his fingers curling so deliciously inside you. 

You can feel how hard his cock is, on the inside of your thigh, wet with precum and your breath hitches when he enters you, Alex pressing his lips hard against yours, kissing you with all the passion and lust you'd both laughed around earlier, like it would take the sting of separation away, hand still wet with you as he twists his fingers in your hair.  

He's anything but patient as he trusts into you now, his body meeting yours. Your legs wrapping around his waist, that little extra in the angle as he thrusts into you, has you whimpering into his mouth. Your eyes flutter shut as you hold him near, his pace relentless. 

So. 

Worth. 

Taking. 

The. 

Midnight.  

Train. 

"come for me, love," Alex manages, voice cracking, lips bruising your own. The reunited with your long lost lover bruising kiss that you'd thought only existed in movies. 

You come with a shudder, exhausted, satisfied, in that afterglow, stars dancing across the back of your eyelids as you lean back limply into the bed. Alex coming seconds after, collapsing onto the other sider of the bed, spent. You don't care about anything after that. 

Having been awake for eighteen hours. 

A good fucking day. 

** *

You wake up to thirty six missed messages. Mostly from Pierre and Vivian, your fellow corps ballerina you'd told you where all the cheap AND good bars were in Birmingham were. 

They're all along the same lines. 

Links to articles like, "Black Swan for Arctic Monkeys Lead Man." Which okay, was a great movie. "Alex Turner New Flame Confirmed." Again, true. "Teenage Love for Arctic Monkeys Singer!" Which was fucking gross clickbait. You were twenty. Had been for months even if sometimes you felt much younger than that, like when you realized you had to buy pots and pans, they didn't just magically appear. 

And, "New Arctic Monkeys Album? Alex Turner All Loved Up." 

You rolled your eyes. 

For once you were up after sunrise. And after Alex which wasn't surprising. He rarely woke up before noon if it could be helped. 

You reply to Pierre, "officially a sugar baby now lmao [eye roll emoji]." 

And just heart some of the links Vivian sent you. You'd be seeing her soon enough. 

Nine years. Alex was nine years older than you, but it wasn't really something you thought about of ever really talked about. He was just Alex, your boyfriend, once he'd gotten back from tour and had spent more than three days all cooped up in your hotel room bed having the best three days of your life. It wasn't that big of a deal. Just something you hadn't specifically mentioned to your parents during your weekly facebook messenger video call. They would worry. Your mom would go on a rant. Your dad would definitely bring up how you should've gone to college before pursuing ballet and how this was supposed to have helped you get into a university not be a career.

And you'd have to keep them from taking a flight to the UK. 

Besides, your parents knew how to google people. They weren't dumb. Just worried about you living so far in general. 

Even you hadn't ever really thought about, it hadn't crossed your mind, to date someone so much older than you. Alex had a house. He had an established career. 

You couldn't even legally drink in the states. 

But after the initial shock of the band and his age, you'd fallen into easy conversation, ordering room service, Alex's lips at the apex of your thighs while waiting for a full english breakfast because you just had to see what that was about, and it had slid from the forefront of your thoughts. 

Now the tabloids had of course, decided to be an ass about it. 

You got up and slipped into the shower. The water steaming as you quickly got ride of last nights seat before heading downstairs, interested in what Alex had scrounged up for breakfast this time. 

Last time you were here, it'd been frozen waffles, an avocado, and margaritas. Alex is frying eggs as you take a seat on a barstool, watching him cook. You hated frying eggs. You could never get them to not stick to the pan.

"Matthew," Alex tells you as he plates the eggs along with toast and slices of tomatoes, "sent me a load of articles. 'fink they know who you are."

"Had to happen eventually," you respond, watching as a line forms between his brows. Maybe you should talk about the elephant of the room. Just because something didn't bother you didn't mean it wasn't bothering him. Though the whole famous thing in general annoyed him. "Pierre sent me some too. Though he works for some fashion website so he always sends me a bunch of things to read."

He'd also heavily hinted that should you ever decide to try being an influencer he'd love to get you in touch with small fashion brands. 

The man loved his Laquan Smith. 

Alex frowns as he takes a seat next to you. A set up you personally hated and never failed to bring up at least once while staying at his flat. How could you hold a conversation like this! face to face was the way to go. 

Trying to lighten the mood you joke, "I've been twenty since July."

He doesn't smile. Or reach for his food. Alex had the bad habit of just sitting, following his train of thought, as he lapsed into silence. And his thoughts didn't always lead anywhere good. 

If you thought that hard, you'd probably be depressed. It was a good thing you generally were too busy remembering counts and steps to think, and got home to tired to do much other than sleep.

"Alex, baby," you tell him, "who gives a shit what they think." 

"Ya ever 'fink," he says instead of shrugging it off, "about how when I was twenty ya were 11?"

"No," you answer plainly. It had crossed your mind once but-"Well I thought about it once," you tell him honestly, putting down you fork, "but what's the use thinking about it? I didn't know you then. It's not like your some family friend that knew me when I was five. That's fucked up."

Alex snorts, his eyes meeting yours. For once his hair isn't full of gel. Strands falling into his doe eyes. "Ya know what I'm trying to say...your-I'm. Nine is. . .I grew up with the strokes ya grew up with One Direction."

You reach for his hand, intertwining his fingers with yours, warmth spreading in your hearth when he squeezes your hand. "Nine is not a small gap. Or a huge one. It's not like your some fifty year old man dating a woman young enough to be his daughter."

This time he really does laugh. " 's true love but. . .don't ya want someone. . .I'm-I don't want you to miss out on doing what twenty year olds do."

You roll your eyes. "Alex you're also twenty not some grandfather. I'm not missing out on anything. It's not like we don't go out. And more importantly I want to be with you. Now let me eat my eggs before they get cold and rubbery."

"It's just. . .ya. . .," he turns his whole body so he's looking at you, even as you dig into your breakfast because you just knew if you kept talking about this Alex would just keep going in circles and your much rather eat and then fuck your boyfriend on the couch before wandering around london. Or curling up to watch telly. "ya sure-"

"Alex," you meet his gaze head on, "nine years isn't nothing, but it only really matters if you were rushing to have kids and get married or in some different stage of life which you're not. Fuck the tabloids. When have they ever been your friends."

Alex runs a hand through his hair thoughtfully and you finally start eating. Which okay, your boyfriend could fry an egg.  It was much better than the oatmeal you'd had for the past few days because you hadn't stopped by a store even though you lived a block from one. 

"I really love ya," Alex mutters softly. 

Out of natural instinct, you reply, while smashing some egg onto a slice of toast, "I love you too."

Then realize what he'd just said. What you'd just said, and look over at him all bug eyed. It was the first time you'd ever told a boy than. And it sent the same little thrill through you as kissing him in front of Buckingham Palace had. 

"Alex, I love you," you repeat just because you can, smiling softly over at him.  

"I haven't put ya off yet love?" Alex asks, smiling sappily over at you. 

"Never." You smile in response. 

[notwhoiwanttobeyet]

first day of school, 2021

keep scrolling, this is just a mental note for future reference! hope you’re havin a good day tho!! :) 

i’m the only girl in my animation class and at first i thought these boys were fine but there’s these three jackasses that were talking so loud no one could hear our teacher. she’d already asked them to be quiet multiple times but they didn’t give a shit, which honestly isn’t fair on any of us that wanted to learn and pass the class. she said we don’t have to catch up for homework but i got pretty much no work done thanks to those dipshits so i’ll do it all over the weekend. anyway, as kid who answers all the questions and completes extension work ™️, i always tell people to ‘shhh’ - it’s like my superpower in a way. and they listen because they can tell i’m mad, which isn’t like me cause i repress all emotion and am just the quiet serious depressed kid ™️ most of the time. so i get so pissed i shhhh these boys, not even making eye contact because they don’t deserve any of my attention - then harvey turned looked over his shoulder to face me, silently signalling it was a bad idea. hamish had the AUDACITY to say “what’s up, bitch.” i gave them a look™️ - everyone watched and heard and a bunch of them laughed and i was super uncomfortable for the rest of the lesson and had an anxiety attack which went through into next period. it wasn’t that bad thankfully, but i was really jumpy and fidgety and freaking out. 

after school we had a picnic and CALLUM came and it was great. there was this pretty girl smoking staring and me and it was h o t 😳but i left to go buy some food and shit and when i came back she was gone : ( also i turned around and these girls looked like they were about to kiss like girl a was holding girl b’s face and everything but girl a saw me staring and they ran off holding hands. i’m pretty sure i looked like i was being homophobic like i’m so sorry, i wasn’t gonna watch them kiss i just turned around at the wrong time and ahh- i’m gay too man ! 

anyway this gang of like 7/8th graders came towards us - we were literally having a PICNIC, MINDING OUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS and this blonde little bitch comes over and says “can i join? what is this-” he laughed, “like a-” and he made a weird face which basically meant we were losers. i’m not surprised but i was ready to get into a fight. forget being the quiet kid™️, i was fucking ready. then he has the actually, again, AUDACITY, to say to callum- “are you in mean girls?”

“what’s that supposed to mean?” callum said sassily (we love & respect)

“that you’re like-”

“like what?” 

“an actor?”

bullshit. callum and i both knew he was calling him gay, which he is and so am i so obviously i’m not being homophobic but i still find it offensive when people categorise people and use lgbt+ labels as insults. his buddies started to come over. they thought they were such gangsters with those fucking ugly ass mullets. i’m sorry, only gay girls can pull a mullet off ! i’m just sayin ! 

then him and his friends tried taking food from jodhi (my other friend) and were stepping on our bags with our COMPUTERS in them and i was fucking pissed so after they said “can i have some?” for the 50th time when jodhi had responded no - all of my friends were uncomfortable - i stood up.

“she said no.” 

he continued going on and on.

“she said no.”

consent is always important in every situation, what can i say. then i stepped forward, pushing him and his buddies further away from my friends - not physically but it forced them to back off. 

“look- you’re not intimidating. you’re not intimidating. we don’t want you here. just leave.” they started calling as rude and whining, pretending to cry almost. i rolled my eyes, my voice sharp, loud and clear. 

“just leave.” callum backed me up and after they whined a bit about how mean we were and shit they left, ran off laughing. dipshits. i’m proud of the way i acted, i wish i would’ve done more. 

but actually today was amazing. classes were all good. i’ve been up since 5am. i made a salad roll for breakfast and everything went mostly smoothly. chloe and i also talked about being gay and about her girlfriend which was so cool. i like actually talking about being gay with people. the few gay friends i have have all been fully out to everyone since they were like 13 so they’ve all got girlfriends/boyfriends and i’m just the sad gay who cries because i’m lonely ;^; but it’s fine : ,  )

a n y wa y ,,,,, yeagh,. that’d the unusual tea of the day *sipppp*

also had an anxiety attack at the same supermarket as always - like it never goes smoothly, i had to get chloe to put the fucking money in the self serve machine because i couldn’t get it in, it was too crinkled and i was sshaking wanting to get out of there SO bad and the employee was like “you right there? is it not going in?” so naturally i was like “no, no it isn’t?” and my voice was shaky and everything and he just laughs - not like with me - but at me. which helps. a l ot . and then he walked off- the FucK. but chloe helped me tHanK fuCk. jesus.

also omg eloise has this shirtless harry styles sticker on her laptop and chloe and i were laughing at them to ourselves the entire lesson because every time we looked up we just saw this man and we’re gay so it’s like aqhgbiui3qwhigo23 lmao  

yeeah

i’ll actually journal this later ^^

boiii 

[gdwessel]

Power Struggle 2020 - 11/7/2020; Cards For BOSJ27 Revealed; NJPW Strong Episode 14 - 11/6/2020; Super J-Cup 12/12/2020 Card Announced: Ren Narita Returns

The last megacard of the NJPW calendar, Power Struggle, took place today, and you can see it now on NJPWWorld. A legitimate first happened on this show!

Power Struggle 2020 - 11/7/2020, Osaka EDION Arena (NJPWWorld)

Provisional KOPW2020 Championship No Corner Pads Match: Toru Yano [CHAOS] © d. Zack Sabre Jr. [SZKG] (Countout, 12:11) - Yano remains Provisional KOPW2020 Champion

NEVER Openweight Championship: Shingo Takagi [Los Ingobernables] d. Minoru Suzuki [SZKG] © (Last Of The Dragon, 18:56) - Suzuki fails his 1st defense - Takagi becomes the 31st champion

Kazuchika Okada [CHAOS] d. Great O-Khan [The Empire] (Referee Stoppage, 12:58)

IWGP US Heavyweight Challenge Rights: KENTA [Bullet Club] d. Hiroshi Tanahashi (Game Over, 19:57) - KENTA retains IWGP US Heavyweight Challenge Rights

WK15 IWGP Heavyweight/Intercontinental Challenge Rights: Jay White [Bullet Club] d. Kota Ibushi (Backslide, 18:47) - White wins the WK15 IWGP Hevayweight/Intercontinental Challenge Rights

IWGP Heavyweight & Intercontinental Championships: Tetsuya Naito [Los Ingobernables] ©© d. EVIL [Bullet Club] (Destino, 33:08) - Naito succeeds his 1st IWGP Heavyweight defense - Naito succeeds his 1st IWGP Intercontinental defense

For the first time ever since “the briefcase” was introduced to NJPW in 2012, the challenge rights for Wrestle Kingdom have changed hands, as Jay White cheated to win by putting his feet on the ropes without Red Shoes catching it. This puts the number of times the briefcase OR title have changed hands between G1 Climax and Wrestle Kingdom in this era at one a piece, as Hiroshi Tanahashi defeated AJ Styles for the IWGP Heavyweight title at King Of Pro Wrestling 2014, in the run-up to WK9. 

After the main event, Jay came to taunt and challenge Tetsuya Naito, before being run off by Kota Ibushi. So I am pretty sure this is not the end of that storyline. Naito v. Jay White, could sell out the Tokyo Dome (such as it will be in the COVID-19 era). Naito v. Ibushi, definitely would sell out the Dome. Fairly confident we will still get Naito v. Ibushi, one way or another. Stay tuned for that.

KENTA retained his own briefcase, so the elephant in the room of when KENTA will actually face Jon Moxley is still pretty much right there, not being answered. WK15 seems the most likely answer at this point, although, if Mox loses to Eddie Kingston tonight at AEW Full Gear (he won’t), there is a window of opportunity there. Okada beats O-Khan, in the battle over Suzuko Mimori (I kid, I kid). Afterwards, Will Ospreay challenged Okada for a match at WK15, which Okada accepted. 

Shingo Takagi regains the NEVER Openweight title, so he can be the loser in the Annual Hirooki Goto NEVER Openweight Invitational Match at WK15. There are rumblings once more that Minoru Suzuki is not long for NJPW, with the new GLEAT shoot-style promotion headed by Kiyoshi Tamura, and run by LIDET (the now-former owners of Pro Wrestling NOAH, before selling to CyberAgent). That promotion has only run 1 show so far, and Suzuki’s BFF Nosawa Rongai has since left GLEAT. (Btw GLEAT is an actual word, and don’t look up what it means if you don’t have a strong stomach.) Suzuki was almost assuredly showing up in NOAH on 1/5/2020 and then appeared to challenge Jon Moxley instead. So who knows how this will go, if at all.

The cards for the Best of the Super Juniors 27 portion of the next tour have all been announced. I won’t be writing them here now, but in a future Upcoming NJPW Events post. Yoshinobu Kanemaru is still listed on the cards, so that knee injury must not have been serious. The World Tag League portions of the tour have yet to be announced, hoping that comes about soon, otherwise it’s going to be a mighty incomplete Events post (like the last one, bleagh).

Last night’s NJPW Strong episode was the second of their Road to Showdown series. I assume Showdown is next week, but they haven’t announced that yet. Indie wrestler JR Kratos made his NJPW debut on this show.

Fred Rosser d. Jordan Clearwater (Seated Dropkick, 5:29)

Chase Owens [Bullet Club] d. Danny Limelight (Package Driver, 8:25)

JR Kratos & Rust Taylor d. Jeff Cobb [FREE] & Rocky Romero [CHAOS] (Kratos > Romero, Game Changer, 13:20)

With a finisher like that, you’d think Kratos came from GCW, but actually, he is unsigned, and had done a tour with All Japan Pro Wrestling in the earlier, pre-lockdown parts of 2020. Mostly, I am just looking forward to some matches taped after G1 Climax, not before, at this point.

In more NJoA news, the full card and bracket for the Super J-Cup 2020 show being done on 12/12/2020 has been announced. One of the bigger announcements is this will see the first match from Young Lion excursionee Ren Narita on NJPWWorld in quite some time. Indeed, it’ll be his first official match since beating Aaron Williams in Black Label Pro on 2/29/2020. A bit surprising he hasn’t featured on NJPW Strong or Lion’s Break Collision at all since he’s been at the LA Dojo. In any event, here’s the card breakdown:

Super J-Cup 2020 - NJPW LA Dojo, 12/12/2020 (NJPWWorld, Fite TV)

Super J-Cup 2020 1st Round: Clark Connors v. Chris Bey [Impact]

Super J-Cup 2020 1st Round: ACH [FREE] v. TJP [FREE]

Super J-Cup 2020 1st Round: Rey Horus [ROH] v. Blake Christian [GCW]

Super J-Cup 2020 1st Round: Lio Rush [FREE] v. El Phantasmo [Bullet Club]

Super J-Cup 2020 Semifinal: TBA

Super J-Cup 2020 Semifinal: TBA

Ren Narita & Karl Fredericks v. KENTA & Hikuleo [Bullet Club]

Super J-Cup 2020 Final: TBA

That’s it for this one. Took me a while to get here, as in the middle of writing this, Joe Biden was declared the next President of the United States, so I was a little distracted for a bit. The next show is a week from tomorrow, 11/15/2020, the first night of the combined World Tag League 2020 + Best of the Super Juniors 27 tour. Hopefully there will be announcements of the WTL cards/participants soon. There will be an NJPW Strong on Friday too. We’re also planning a podcast in the next week in prep for the new tour. And hey, AEW Full Gear tonight too, if you are into that.

[toxoplasmajuice]

sibling interview tag

so i was everybody-tagged in this by @tiny-tany-thaanos​ (btw i’m also gonna tag anyone who wants to do it) and... tbh i might end up doing this multiple times w/ different sibling pairs but for now let’s go with:

the rosenberg twins! especially since--

Ashlyn: Hey! You remembered for once!

--yeah, it’s their birthday

Ashlyn: About time! Happy 25th to us! Micah: Ashlyn, it’s our 30th birthday! Ashlyn: No, it’s our 5th 25th birthday. Get it right, Micah. Micah: ...did vae really just tell me to get my own birthday right?

& without further ado, on to the questions...

1. Which one of you is the older sibling?

Ashlyn: That would be me! Micah: By what, five minutes? ...In the larger scheme of things we’re the youngest of all our siblings, though. It’s just us right now though, since Sara’s spending time with Nixie and... the rest are dead.

2. What do you like about your sibling?

Ashlyn: You first. Micah: [sighs] Sure, whatever... Uh, for one, vae takes no shit from anybody. Not even the kids who... caused... all this. And vae’s also fiercely protective of other people. Like me, Draconia, Calamity, every scorned MMBC bachelorette, young and newly-turned vampires vae’s never even met... and I just, I don’t... [sniff] I don’t know what I’d do without-- Ashlyn: Okay, okay, now you’re crying on your birthday, so I’ll go! ...Well, that’s one of the things I like about Micah. It’s the sweet one. It’s also way more responsible than I am... in a lot of ways. Also she acts like a grandma on social media and I love it. Micah: Hey!

3. What annoys you about your sibling?

Ashlyn: When she tries to wean me off coffee. Micah: When vae gets struck with inspiration in the middle of the night and wakes us all up with electric guitar.

4. Describe your sibling(s) with three adjectives.

Ashlyn: Hm... energetic, persistent, adorable. Micah: Strong, creative, feral. Ashlyn: What was that?

5. What is your sibling’s/siblings’ biggest talent(s)?

Ashlyn: Well-- Micah: Challenge mode for both of us! Neither of us can mention anything the other is famous for. Ashlyn: Fuck. ...Hm, well, Micah’s pretty good at de-escalating situations... and it’s not a bad writer, either. And it never loses anything important! Or unimportant, for that matter. Micah: Gh-- well, Ashlyn’s good at roasting people in the middle of regular conversation, for one... and not bad at combat, either, which has come in handy these past two years. And vae’s great at putting together outfits. For vaerself and for everyone else. Even now!

6. What is your sibling(s) really bad at?

Ashlyn: Singing. Micah: Acting.

7. Do you have nicknames for each other?

Ashlyn: Not... really, actually? Micah: Our names are short enough, really...

8. What’s one thing you can do that your sibling(s) can’t?

Ashlyn: Puncture skin. Micah: Cook.

9. Did you get along when you were younger?

Ashlyn: Just as well as we do now! Micah: Yeah, we’ve always been really close... Ashlyn: ...since before we were born! Literally!

10. What is your funniest childhood memory of your sibling?

Micah: ...Ashlyn? Do we... have any funny childhood memories? Ashlyn: Mmmh. Can’t think of any and don’t particularly want to dig for any.

11. Are you closer now or when you were younger?

Ashlyn: I mean... again, we’ve always been about as close as we are now. Kinda went up and down based on life circumstances, but... Micah: ...yeah!

12. Did you compete with each other?

Ashlyn: Hm... not really? Micah: We sort of... learned early on that we needed to stick together.

13. Which one of you is more likely to turn out like your mum or dad?

Ashlyn: Micah’s already a lot like our dad, honestly. Micah: Ashlyn’s just Ashlyn.

14. Which one is most likely to have a big family?

Micah: We’re one family! Me, Ashlyn, Mama, Papa, Sara, Draconia, Calamity, Nixie, any more additions we get--we’re all one family. Ashlyn: But I’m the only one getting married and having kids, so. Me.

15. What is one thing about your sibling(s) that has changed as you’ve gotten older?

Ashlyn: Well, we both changed for the better when we made it. [laughs] Micah used to be really quiet. Kind of withdrawn all the time. Especially when we were teenagers. Now she’s... definitely not. Micah: And--believe it or not--Ashlyn used to be even more angry!

16. Who’s better at maths?

Micah: Ashlyn! Ashlyn: But I’m still not, like, good at math. You just get used to working with numbers when you’re writing music.

17. Who is more pessimistic and who is more optimistic?

Micah: ...Actually? If there’s anything the Tragedy taught me, it’s that I’m more pessimistic than I thought I was. Ashlyn: And if there’s anything almost dying taught me, it’s that hope always wins in the end!

18. Is there anything you don’t like doing together?

Ashlyn: We keep our professional stuff mostly separate. I make the music, and Micah doesn’t interfere. It makes the magic, and I don’t interfere. Micah: Also, Ashlyn’s a sore loser, so we don’t play games together a lot. Ashlyn: Hey!

19. Which one of you do you think will get married first?

Ashlyn: ... Micah: ...

20. Lastly, how often do you argue?

Ashlyn: Eh. Sort of often? Micah: We don’t seriously argue too much, though. Ashlyn: Oh, it wasn’t serious when you took the last plasma pack? Micah: ...And we still love each other despite the arguments! Ahahaha!

[thecollegefootballguy]

2019 Top Games of the Week: Week 3

Not much is changing at the very top of the sport, but usually that takes more than a few weeks to figure out, but everything else, man, we’ve got a season on our hands. I mean, my god, Virginia and Maryland are ranked. Week 2 was packed with big games and near-miss upsets. I hope the trend continues as the weeks go on.

The Top Ten Games of the Week

10. TCU 1-0 (0-0) at Purdue 1-1 (0-0) (Saturday 9/14)

I’m a fan of this nonconference matchup, mostly because I can’t place either of these teams just yet. TCU has only played one game against an FCS opponent which doesn’t tell us a thing. Purdue has lost to Nevada but beat Vanderbilt pretty handily, so I really can’t say I’ve made up my mind about the Boilermakers except maybe Vanderbilt is worse than I thought.

9. Kansas State 2-0 (0-0) at Mississippi State 2-0 (0-0) (Saturday 9/14)

Neither team has played much competition so far, so this game could end up telling us a lot about each squad. Both are hoping to crash their respective conference races and could use some momentum going into league play.

8. #24 USC 2-0 (1-0) at BYU 1-1 (Saturday 9/14)

Well I’m very curious what’s gonna go on here. USC seems to have found themselves a gunslinger in true freshman Kedon Slovis at QB. Meanwhile, BYU has become the latest non-P5 team to go to Knoxville and come away with a win. The Trojans have to be the favorites here but Brigham Young, despite its best efforts, almost never gets a shot at a team like Southern California in Provo. This is a huge statement game for the Cougars and they should give SC their best shot.

7. #9 Florida 2-0 (0-0) at Kentucky 2-0 (0-0) (Saturday 9/14)

Do you believe in miracles? How about twice in a row? Last year Kentucky beat Florida in Gainesville for the first time since the 70′s. Now the Wildcats are tasked with taking down the Gators in Lexington for the first time since 1986 and with winning two in a row since 1976-77. It’s a tall order, but the seal has been broken. UK has the ability to beat Florida again, let’s see if they can take advantage.

6. #2 Alabama 2-0 (0-0) at South Carolina 1-1 (0-0) (Saturday 9/14)

I don’t think I’d have put this game on the top ten if it was played later in the season, but here we are. Alabama will probably crush South Carolina, but the Gamecocks just outdid their all-time scoring record on UT Martin, so maybe they can make something happen on offense. And besides, they aren’t playing Clemson yet, it’s not like this is the hardest game on the South Carolina’s schedule.

5. #1 Clemson 2-0 (0-0) at Syracuse 1-1 (0-0) (Saturday 9/14)

This one felt a lot more interesting before last week before Syracuse got blown up by Maryland. Clemson should probably knock over the Orange with little effort, but that’s what we all thought the last time the Tigers went to the Carrier Dome, and we all remember what happened then.

4. North Carolina 2-0 (0-0) at Wake Forest 2-0 (0-0) (Friday 9/13)

How can you not be fascinated by this game? North Carolina has turned from out and out loser to serious ACC Coastal contender in two weeks. Mack Brown has somehow resuscitated the Tar Heels in just two short weeks. Meanwhile, Wake Forest keeps plowing along, punching well above their weight in the past few years and looking to further improve up the Atlantic hierarchy despite massive institutional disadvantages. These long time, in-state rivals wanted to play each other so badly that they scheduled a non-conference series against each other to take the field this Friday night. That’s right, this isn’t even an ACC game and doesn’t count in the league standings. My god, this is just wild that we’re seeing this.

3. Arizona State 2-0 (0-0) at #18 Michigan State 2-0 (0-0) (Saturday 9/14)

This part of the season is so fun because narratives about each team are just starting to crop up. Not for Arizona State though. The Sun Devils are the only team in the PAC-12 South to have absolutely no buzz around them positive or negative. So we’ll learn a lot from them this week. Michigan State, meanwhile, needs a good challenge to see if the Spartans are the real deal or not. Against Tulsa they looked moribund, against WMU Sparty looked kind of scary on offense. Imagine if MSU had an offense, just the thought sends a chill down my spine.

2. #20 Washington State 2-0 (0-0) vs Houston 1-1 (0-0) (Saturday 9/14)

Boy, the PAC-12 could actually sink lower if they lose this one. They really shouldn’t if they want any part in the national conversation. This one is being played at NRG, allegedly a neutral site, but I don’t think anybody is buying that one. Oh yeah, it’s the Cougar Bowl. That’s kind cool.

1. #19 Iowa 2-0 (1-0) at Iowa State 1-0 (0-0) (Saturday 9/14)

As the prophesy foretold, one day, the Iowa-Iowa State would grab the nation’s attention. God I’m so mad that the AP took the Cyclones out of the top 25, even if it was warranted by almost losing to Northern Iowa. This could have been a top 25 matchup! That would’ve been so cool given that this game is usually either ignored or laughed at. Oh well, you’re missing out if you don’t watch this one. Iowa is one of the two serious players in the Big Ten West race and ISU has been among the three best teams in the Big 12 the past two years.

-

Top 5 G5 Games of the Week

5. Miami OH 1-1 (0-0) at Cincinnati 1-1 (0-0) (Saturday 9/14)

I’m a sucker for longstanding rivalry games, which explains why this matchup is in the top 5 and not something like Air Force at Colorado. I remain unrepentant. The Victory Bell is one of the G5′s best (and only) non-conference trophy games and it’s fantastic that these two still play every year. Also Cincinnati could use a tune-up after getting thrashed by Ohio State.

4. Southern Miss 1-1 (0-0) at Troy 1-0 (0-0) (Saturday 9/14)

I really like this regional non-conference matchup. Southern Miss and Troy are both hoping to win their respective conferences and a victory here would help out a great deal despite not counting in the official standings.

3. Hawaii 2-0 (0-0) at #23 Washington 1-1 (0-1) (Saturday 9/14)

I think Washington is going to use this game to remind people why they’ve won the PAC-12 twice in the last two years, but Hawaii has won two games already against PAC-12 opponents. We can dream.

2. Stanford 1-1 (0-1) at #17 UCF 2-0 (0-0) (Saturday 9/14)

UCF might have another big season here. The Knights are getting to play two P5 teams in a row and should be the favorites both times. Stanford started strong but ended up getting hammered by USC last week. KJ Costello should be back as QB but the Cardinal’s issues on offense and defense probably won’t get covered up fully against an experienced team like Central Florida.

1. #21 Maryland 2-0 (0-0) at Temple 1-0 (0-0) (Saturday 9/14)

Temple’s relatively innocuous game against Maryland has suddenly gained some importance now that the Terrapins have shown themselves to be severely underrated. The Owls have the chance to knock off a high flying opponent with a lot of momentum going their way.

-

FCS Games of the Week

I didn’t include the FCS vs P5 games this week, mostly because the FCS teams are all severely overmatched by P5 opponents. I mean, I think it’d be cool if they won, but it’s not very likely.

5. #13 Illinois State 1-1 (0-0) at Eastern Illinois 0-2 (0-0) (Saturday 9/14)

The Mid-America classic is one of the FCS’s most played rivalries outside of the Ivy League. Illinois State is probably Playoff bound, but the Redbirds have to win on the road against the rebuilding Panthers.

4. #6 Weber State 1-1 (0-0) at Nevada 1-1 (0-0) (Saturday 9/14)

Let’s get the transitive wins going. Nevada beat Purdue already. We could do some real damage here. Idaho State > Ohio State?

3. #4 Eastern Washington 1-1 (0-0) at #17 Jacksonville State 1-1 (0-0) (Saturday 9/14)

Two perennial FCS powerhouses square off in this Playoff preview. Jacksonville State might need this one a bit worse, though. The Gamecocks’ loss to SELA in Week 1 really took the wind out of their sails.

2. #1 North Dakota State 2-0 (0-0) at #18 Delaware 2-0 (1-0) (Saturday 9/14)

Two perennial FCS powerhouses square off in this Playoff preview. This time without a qualifier.

1. #8 Towson 2-0 (0-0) at #6 Maine 1-0 (0-0) (Saturday 9/14)

The CAA has gifted us with a great Top Ten matchup early on in the season. The only one in D-I football this week. Might as well watch it right?

[hoogiehowser]

MEDIA DIARY JANUARY

:::::::::: MOVIES ::::::::::

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018) I liked this so much I ended up seeing it twice. The animation is on a whole different level from everything else in theaters I just can’t believe it. Nothing has immediately endeared me to a character more that when Miles gets to the place where he’s going to put up graffiti and yells “BROOKLYN!” to get the echo. Absolutely perfect. 

Happy Death Day (2017) The trailer looked good but the trailer for the sequel looked even better. Good time repeating movie. Way better than Blood Punch. I’m excited to see more of this.

Alien: Covenant (2017) Had no clue what to expect going in but I actually dug it. It’s just Alien again like every Alien movie but what they do with David from Prometheus makes it really interesting. There’s also some straight up slasher movie sleaze that definitely appeals to me.

MacGruber (2010) It’s just a bunch of dick jokes while a bad action movie happens. There’s no clever spin to it.

Better Luck Tomorrow (2002) Wanted to watch this due to the Fast & Furious connection. It’s a great movie about overachievers and getting away with shit. I think Justin Lin is a great director and his unique voice benefits every movie he does.

Collateral (2004) I didn’t realize until the credits that this was a Michael Mann movie but it was so obvious in hindsight. The premise is simple, Tom Cruise and Jamie Foxx are great, and everything comes together in a genuinely cool film.

Wilson (2017) Based on a comic I don’t particularly like from Dan Clowes’ grumpy old man phase. The cool thing about the comic is that each page works on its own and has a different art style. The movie can’t do that. But it’s still faithful to the book which means it feels like a series of one page gags strung together until it finishes. Woody and Laura Dern are great though and it is pretty funny at times.

Blumhouse’s Truth or Dare (2018) There was another truth or dare based horror movie a year before that was a Syfy original. The Syfy one is better. The problem with them both is the supernatural contrivances that make people play truth or dare against their will. It’s such a strained premise.

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (2017) Guy Ritchie made a King Arthur movie and it feels exactly like you’d expect. 

Thoroughbreds (2017) Girl who can’t feel emotions befriends girl who is very politely hiding her extreme emotions. Things get bad when they start to think about murder. Anton Yelchin plays a druggie scumbag loser. It’s such a good movie. 100% my kind of thing.

:::::::::: TV ::::::::::

The Great British Baking Show (Beginnings, Collections 1-4) Got addicted to this one. I love cooking competitions shows and pleasant ones are usually the best. I like seeing competitors that like each other. I like Paul Hollywood and Mary Berry not trying to tear people down. I love Mel and Sue. It’s just a nice show for the nice people.

Toei Spider-Man (Episodes 1-5) I’m not a big toku guy but Spider-Verse got me curious about various Spider-Men. Takuya Yamashiro wasn’t bitten by a radioactive spider, he was injected with blood from the last survivor of Planet Spider and carries out a mission against Professor Monster’s Iron Cross Army to avenge Planet Spider and his own father. Next to nothing present from the classic Lee/Ditko Spider-Man and that’s totally alright. I’m going to try to watch more because the episode where Spider-Man has to donate his blood to hurt child has some serious heart.

The Prisoner (Episodes 7-17) I started watching this a while ago but only now got around to finishing. Mostly super clever plots and the atmosphere is always great. Patrick McGoohan sells it every single time. Some of the later episodes go really off the rails though. There’s an entire wild west episode. Nothing in this stretch tops my favorite episode, The Schizoid Man, where Number Two brainwashes Number Six to act differently and then forces Number Six to pretend to be Number Six while a different man is already pretending to be Number Six. The ending is solid though and carries a really good tv series to a confusing, surreal end.

Cutthroat Kitchen (Season 7, Episodes 1-7) Polar opposite of The Great British Baking Show. It’s the Mario Kart of cooking competition shows. Everyone tries to fuck each other over and Alton laughs at them the entire time. It’s brilliant.

:::::::::: PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING ::::::::::

TJPW Tokyo Joshi Pro ‘19 (January 4) I don’t follow TJPW and don’t know any of their wrestlers besides Meiko Satomura but I watched this because it was on before Wrestle Kingdom. Meiko vs Reika Saiki definitely made the show worth watching and the rest was pretty alright. Lots of fun, new personalities that I like.

NJPW Wrestle Kingdom 13 (January 4) Probably the most I’ve looked forward to a show and it absolutely delivered. For the past few years I’d watch WK and recommended matches but in in July I started following everything NJPW. That added investment made this WK special. Ibushi/Ospreay tore it up and I really hope Ibushi recovers soon. Jay White/Okada shocked me. Naito/Jericho was fucking brutal. And Kenny Omega vs Hiroshi Tanahashi was a match I was so invested in that I thought I was going to cry. If you haven’t checked out New Japan yet this show would make an excellent start. GO ACE!

Impact Homecoming (January 6) Impact has gotten pretty good. I’ve only seen a few of their most recent ppvs but it’s obvious that they have a wealth of talent and they’re willing to tell the kind of dumb stories that I really like. Since Homecoming was in Nashville I went and it was one of the best shows I’ve been to. The energy was insane all night and LAX vs Lucha Bros has to be the best match I’ve seen live. Now that they air on Twitch I’ve been following the weekly show and enjoying it quite a bit.

WWE Royal Rumble (January 27) I always love the rumble but the rumble was weird. Both rumble matches were okay but filled with dumb stuff and way too many recovery spots that were immediately deflated by the person getting eliminated. I like the winners. AJ/Daniel didn’t deliver like I wanted. Sasha and Ronda had a good match. I loved how Finn Balor worked Brock Lesnar’s diverticulitis. Fun show.

NXT UK Takeover Blackpool (January 12) NXT UK doesn’t really grip me aside from the women’s division. I liked this well enough but nothing really changed my mind. Finn Balor made a surprise appearance and he looked like such a star compared to everyone else. Excited to see what WALTER can do here though.

GCW 400 Degreez (January 12) GCW’s brand of hardcore indie nonsense is my absolute favorite. 400 Degreez isn’t the best they’ve done but it was full of disgusting beautiful deathmatch bullshit. Markus Crane vs Nate Webb especially.

NXT Takeover Phoenix (January 26) Takeover always delivers. Johnny Gargano vs Ricochet was definitely the match of the night. I don’t dig the War Raiders schtick but their match was great. Bianca Belair and Shayna Baszler also killed it.

:::::::::: COMICS ::::::::::

One Piece by Eiichiro Oda (Volumes 1-10) I wanted something long to start reading so why not One Piece? Enjoying it so far. I like getting the crew together and Usopp’s story in particular is great. Oda is a master cartoonist. I love every time we get reaction faces.

Spider-Man: Fever by Brendan McCarthy Spider-Man fever got me wanting to revisit Spider-Man: Fever because I remember liking it. I still like it. Doctor Strange accidentally opens a doorway into a spider dimension and Spider-Man gets caught in Doctor Strange’s bathtub and the alternate dimension spiders take him. All this and McCarthy’s art make Fever pretty far out. 

Spider-Man 2099 by Peter David, Kelley Jones, and Rick Leonardi (1-15) Miguel O’Hara wasn’t bitten by a radioactive spider, he had Peter Parker’s DNA put into him by weird future DNA machine and he wages war against the gigantic corporations that control everything. I like Spider-Man 2099. Miguel is so different from the Peter Parker archetype and he’s got claws and fangs. He’s brutal. It’s got a neat post-hero future kind of like Batman Beyond. I stopped reading because the next part is a crossover with Punisher 2099, Ravage 2099, Doom 2099, and X-Men 2099. I’ll hopefully pick it back up because I want to know what happens with the hologram that’s in love with Miguel. 

Spider-Man by Kazumasa Hirai & Ryoichi Ikegami Yu Komori was bitten by a radioactive spider and he definitely wishes he wasn’t. It starts off a lot like our usual Spider-Man but the villains are so much more tragic and Yu deals with some heavy shit. Ikegami’s art evolves from cartoony to serious as the tone of the book changes. He’s a really incredible artist who is consistently pulling neat tricks and trying new things. I really liked this and it may top my favorite Spider-Man comics. It’s just so bleak and unforgiving to poor Yu. By the way, the final plotline is exactly the same as the Sonny Chiba movie Wolf Guy. Turns out the comic that movie was based on was written by the same guy that write Spider-Man. An odd find.

:::::::::: VIDEOGAMES ::::::::::

Axiom Verge Had my eye on this for a long time and finally picked it up on sale on my Switch. It’s okay. There are a lot of clever ideas here that I don’t think work for me. But I do like the decorrupter and the teleport. Some of the movement feels great but some stuff like the grappling hook feels awful. I hate the story. Completely incoherent sci-fi nonsense. But it’s a fun game and I enjoyed my time with it.

Hollow Knight I’ve spent about 30 hours on this game and I feel like I’m close to the end of the story. I absolutely love it. The movement, the combat, and the exploration all feel excellent. I’ve played over ten metroidvanias in the past year (I really like them) and this might be the best. My favorite part about them is how you’re almost never wasting time because there are new secrets to discover all across the map and Hollow Knight does such a good job with that.

[jks-to-dad]

I think a lot about you. Especially lately.

Before the divorce - you were my favourite parent. You weren't home a lot and you were easily annoyed, but that didn't bother me much. When you were in a good mood - you called me your sunshine and it made me feel better than anything. It's still my most treasured childhood memory. You made me feel cool and grown up when I wore skater clothes and dressed like a boy. It was the only time I ever felt comfortable in my own skin.

In the months before the divorce and during it - Mom was my favourite. Only because you got mean. Suddenly, I was afraid of you. You were angry all the time. You were leaving voicemails on the family landline threatening to kill us. You sent me an email that told me, your 13-year old daughter, that I was a lying little shit and you didn't want to see me again. I can't even remember what I may have lied about, but it wasn't anything serious. At 13 I was the most vanilla child you could ask for. I had no friends. I didn't party or do drugs. I didn't drink. I wasn't (still not) interested in romantic or sexual relationships. I spent my time listening to emo-music, reading science-fiction novels, and drawing. Mostly though, you were my least favourite parent because I watched you steal money from grandma (your own mother) and I watched you make my little brother feel bad about himself. It was cruel. For the first time in my life, I didn't want to be your little girl.

After the divorce - well, to be honest, I considered myself to be more or less parent-less after the divorce. I guess I still liked mom for the most part though. At least, I did until I graduated high school. But I felt more like a parent than a child. I was the one who cooked dinner 80% of the time. I was the one who usually cleaned the house. I still am. Mom's excuse? "I'm a single mother."

That excuse might've been valid when her kids were 11 and 13, but it's not when your kids are 22 and 24.

Another classic Mom line when I would express displeasure about doing the lion's share of the housework, "You're too uptight. You don't have to do it."

The more I learn about mom (her past and present behaviours) the less I like her. Nothing infuriates me more than when she says, "I was just like you when I was your age."

She wasn't.

At my age, she was married and pregnant with her second child. She didn't go to university. She was a stay-at-home mom. I am a single virgin. I am 80% of my way through a mechanical engineering degree. I still have no friends. I still hate the world. I still hate people. I'm still happiest living vicariously through fictional worlds.

I love kids - but I don't think I ever want any of my own. I'm too selfish to parent a child properly. I need too much solitude to maintain a sane exterior. It wouldn't be fair to them. Plus, I don't have any interest in having sex - with anyone. Ever. The idea completely disgusts me, and the idea of giving birth to a child is wholly unappealing.

I don't want to be anything like her. I can't wait to graduate university and move somewhere. Anywhere. I don't want to be far from my brother - he's the only person I've ever loved unconditionally. But, I don't want to be roped into sacrificing my precious time off (weekends and evenings) to visit Mom and her drama. I know it's selfish. I just can't deal with it. She thinks she's not a drama-whore. She is. It follows her everywhere and she's oblivious. She complains about her drama constantly but doesn't see that she's the problem. She hangs out with losers who are just as broken as her and she tries (and fails) to fix them (*cough* just like she tried to fix me *cough*). Then she bitches about the drama they cause in her life. I hate it.

Mostly though - I still resent both of you. I've resented both of you for a long time.

I think I was born depressed and anxious.

I can't remember a time in my life where I didn't resent the fact that I was born.

The more I learn about you and mom, the more confident I become in my belief that it was immoral for you both to reproduce.

How was I ever expected to be happy? I was born to a chronically unhappy man and a naive woman, with no ability for self-awareness, who desperately wanted a family who loved her. So she tried to make one. That's not a good reason to have kids.

I'm 24. I still wish I was never born.

I have forgiven you (and mom) dozens of times over the years. For being less than perfect parents (no one's a perfect parent). For not understanding that I never needed to be fixed - just understood. The one thing I've never been able to forgive you both for is my existence.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to. Not really.

[douchebagbrainwaves]

THE SUPER-ANGELS, AND THEY DON'T CARE THAT MUCH ABOUT THE RETURNS ON ANGEL ROUNDS, WHICH THEY STILL VIEW MOSTLY AS A WAY TO GET THAT COMBINATION, YOUR STARTUP WILL HAVE TO APPEAL TO BOTH SUPER-ANGELS, AND THEY HAVE STARTED TO USE IT

Because depending on the meaning of after college, students may start trying to maximize this. But we'll figure out some kind of job. We know because we make people move for Y Combinator, and it seems to me the only limit would be the number of startups that could succeed. Then someone discovers how to make them cheaply; many more get built; and as a result they can be used in new ways. That's different from the way things felt in 2001. So as well as using it. The ideas start to get mixed together with the spin you've added to get them past the readers' misconceptions. Hackers don't like a language that talks down to them.1

The Origin of Species was first published, because everyone now is raised either to take evolution for granted, or to get a work visa in the US, without an undergraduate degree—but tests like this will matter less and less. And the present recession, like it usually does in bad times. I don't know another as counterintuitive as startup investing. If by the next time you need to raise some amount of external funding, and investors tend to be more than a thought experiment. I see starting to get standardized is acquisitions.2 If you lose a deal to None, all VCs lose. What does that mean for founders? I've saved myself from a few technologies that turned out to be real stinkers.3 The only way to convince everyone that you're ready to fight to the death is actually to be ready to. These changes have pushed the cost of starting a startup per se.

This way of convincing investors is better suited to hackers, who often went into technology in part because they felt uncomfortable with the amount many wanted to raise. You might as well buy Apple.4 And those who do raise VC rounds will be able to say: number four!5 Raising a traditional series A round if you do. The last straw for me was a sentence I read a couple days ago: The mercurial Spaniard himself declared: After Altamira, all is decadence. So perhaps the best solution is to assume that anything you've made is far short of what it could be a problem.6 In essense, let the market design the product.7 To the extent that winning is a matter of absolute returns, the super-angels by driving up valuations.

But you have to consciously force yourself to keep looking. No one knows who said never attribute to malice what can be explained by incompetence, but it looks like most of the time.8 So, just in case it does any good, let me clarify that I'm not writing here about Java which I have thought about a lot. At Y Combinator we've seen dramatic changes in the funding environment for startups. We in the technology world are used to essays that try to please someone, an essay that displeases one side in a dispute reads as an attempt to pander to the other.9 The median visitor will arrive with their finger poised on the Back button.10 And because Internet startups have become so cheap to start a startup. It's designed for large organizations. T: Scheme has no libraries. You have to add some sort of padding to protect their misconceptions from bumping against reality. Google's example should cure the rest of the world.11 I haven't spent in bookshops I've spent mostly in front of him, he spins out of their grip; he'll even run in the wrong direction briefly if that will help.

Notes

5%.

6 in Chicago, 8 in London, 13 in New York. The less educated parents seem closer to what modernist architects meant. The two are not very discerning.

What you're too early if it's convertible debt is usually slow growth or excessive spending rather than insufficient effort to make a fortune in the first year or two, I'd appreciate hearing from you.

Ditto for case: I should degenerate from uppercase to any-case, not widening. I'd appreciate hearing from you. Anyone can broadcast a high product of number of spams that you can eliminate, do it is very hard and not end up with much greater inconveniences than that total abstinence is the desire to protect themselves.

I mean forum in the mid 20th century. Credit card debt stupidest of all the worse if you're a loser they're done, at least seem to be a big chunk of time and became the twin centers from which a seemed more serious and b success depended so much to hope for, believe it, so if you did that they'd really be a good plan in which I removed a pair of metaphors that made them register.

The function goes asymptotic fairly quickly, because companies then were more the aggregate are overpaid.

I preferred to call all our lies lies. Hypothesis: Any plan in which internal limits are expressed. One source of the increase in trade you always see when restrictive laws are removed.

I was a false positive rate is, this is not a complete list of where to see the Valley itself, not like soccer; you have to watch out for here, the second phase is less than the rich. Many more than you expect.

You can still see fossils of their works are lost. Give the founders.

Graduate students might understand it.

For example, if you don't mind taking money from writing, any claim to the founders' salaries to the same gestures but without using them to stay around, but explain that's what we need to do others chose Marx or Cardinal Newman, and b when she's nervous, she doesn't like getting attention in the Sixteenth and Seventeenth Centuries, Oxford University Press, 1996. Some founders listen more than serving as examples of how hard it is unfair when someone gets drunk instead of crawling back repentant at the network level, because it looks like stuff they've seen in the bouillon cube s, cover, and in fact the decade preceding the war it was too late to launch. In fact, we don't have the concept of the per capita income. This phenomenon may account for a name that has become part of their upbringing in their racks for years while they think they're just mentioning the site was about the Thanksgiving turkey.

Thanks to Geoff Ralston, Chip Coldwell, the crew at Carson Systems, and Ron Conway for sparking my interest in this topic.

[richiefuckfacetozier]

reddie prompt! eddie gets cast as the lead in a school play and he has to kiss the main female, richie gets so jealous he does everything in his power to join the cast too and ruin the play

I’ve used this prompt to make a second chapter in my Reddie fic! So bless your heart anon! Head over to Archive of our Own and leave reviews! Or reblog! I love both.

Chapter 2: Here I Go Again by Whitesnake 

Story: It’s Not My Fault

For other chapters - | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13| 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 |

Richie was holding his stomach cracking up, “Romeo and Juliet?! You can’t be fucking serious.”

Eddie’s cheeks went bright red. He knew the guys were going to make fun of him the minute they found out about the school play. “Listen, I’m doing shit in AP English and Mrs. Lane told me that if I tried out for the school play, she would give me extra credit. They needed more guys!”

“Of course they needed guys. No one wants to be in that stupid play written by an old dead guy.” Stan cracked up.

Eddie punched Stan in the arm, “All you do is read a book by an old dead guy, Stan. Who do you think wrote the fucking Torah?”

“Who did write the torah?” Richie asked genuinely.  

Stan scoffed at him punching his shoulder, “Shut up, Richie.”

Bill stepped in between them before they started roughhousing, “I’m s-s-sure you’ll be awesome E-e-e-edie.”

“I hate it when you stutter my name, Bill. You sound like Elmer Fudd.” Eddie said in frustration. Then he lightened up, “But thank you, Bill. I doubt it will be a big part. I am the smallest guy in this fucking school.”

“That’s not true. There are some freshman shorter than you.” Stanley laughed.

“I will murder you,” Eddie mumbled.

“Hey everyone! What’s shaking?” Mike came over with Beverly a couple steps behind him.

“Damn Mike,” She huffed out, “You are getting so tall. I can barely keep up with your strides. How’s it going, guys?”

Richie popped up next to Eddie quickly putting his arm around the boy’s shoulders, “Eds is trying out for the school play. I bet you’ll be cast as Juliet since you’re the cutest in the school.” Richie pinched Eddie’s cheek and Eddie smacked his hand away. Eddie did not want to be a lead character where he would have to kiss someone. The only person he wanted to kiss was Richie, but they hadn’t done anything for weeks now. The kiss in the closet felt like years ago.

Beverly frowned at Richie, “Then I can play Romeo because I tried out too.”

“What?!” They all collectively said.

“You did? You mean I won’t have to suffer this torture alone?!” Eddie said euphoric. He squirmed out of Richie’s grasp and grabbed Beverly’s hands gratefully, “Thank fuck. I was really worried the next couple weeks were going to suck.”

Beverly gave him a bright smile and kissed Eddie on the cheek. Eddie felt his face heat up in embarrassment. He felt compelled to look at Richie who had a weird expression on his face like he had been hit by a truck or something.

“What? Eddie’s the only one who gets a kiss on the cheek?” Richie pointed to his cheek stupidly. This made Eddie more annoyed. Richie can’t be serious for one second.

“You haven’t earned it,” Beverly smirked, poking Richie’s cheek hard.

“Bev! Beverly!” Ben came bounding over trying to catch his breath from running. “They…posted…they posted…” He took a deep breath, “They posted the cast list!”

“Oh no, not you to Haystack!” Richie threw up his hands. “I can’t believe almost half the group decided to become actors. Don’t forget us when you are rich and famous.”

“Please Richie, you’re the most dramatic one of all of us,” Stanley said shoving him.

“You’re right Stan the man. I will become rich and famous and forget you all!” Richie put an arm around Eddie’s shoulders again and steered him toward the cast list. “Except you Eds. You’ll live in my mansion and we will have a huge arcade room and eat our weight in candy.”

Eddie’s face flushed, “Don’t call me Eds!” The thought of living together made his stomach flutter.

The seven of them got to the list, which was crowded with other students looking at it. Eddie somehow ended up at the back and could not see over the other heads.

“I can’t fucking BELIEVE they gave Juliet to that slut!” Grete pushed her way through the gathered students. When she saw Beverly, the beast of a girl rounded on her in full rage. “Congratulations. I guess you can cross Eddie Kaspbrak off your list of people you fuck. Although, he’s probably already been there since you hang out with all these losers all the time.”

Grete slammed her shoulder into Beverly, who lost her footing and almost fell. Bill caught her before she fell, “Are y-y-you okay, B-B-Beverly?”

“Fine,” Beverly straightened herself out, eyes downcast. “Thanks, Bill.” She added quietly.

“Well, look on the Brightside. This means you’re Juliet!” Mike said sweetly putting his hand on Beverly’s arm reassuringly.

“Oh god…but that means I am…” Eddie shoved his way to the front and scanned the list. His eyes did not have to go too far.

ROMEO………………….EDDIE KASPBRAK

“Fuck me!” Eddie cried.

“Thanks a lot, Eddie” Beverly laughed.

“Oh no, no. You are great Bev. I just…Romeo. So many lines. I was hoping one of the fathers or the smallest role possible. Not the LEAD.” His breathing became staggered from the stress. He tapped his chest trying to keep the panic at bay. “What the hell am I going to do?”

He looked at the group.

“Quit?” Ben asked hopefully.

“We all know you wanted the role, Ben, try to be more subtle.” Mike bumped Ben jokingly.

“Ask for another role?” Stan suggested.

“It’s j-j-just a play,” Bill remarked.

“Hey! We had our first kiss in a play.” Beverly said mocked hurt.

“All of your suggestions are so weak…wait…it’s too calm and chill right now. Where’s trashmouth?” Eddie looked around and spotted Richie talking to Mrs. Lane. They all wandered a little closer to hear the conversation.

“I’ll play any part! Any at all! Or crew? I’ll work the crew. Please, Mrs. Lane!” Richie practically shouted.

“You should have come to the audition, Mr. Tozier.” Mrs. Lane would not even look at Richie. Eddie covered his mouth to hold back laughs.

“I will do anything!” Richie said desperately. Eddie stopped laughing and just stared at Richie. The boy was not kidding around, he was completely serious.

“Fine! You can be in the ensemble. Now stop bothering me.” Mrs. Lane hurried away so as not to be troubled by any more kids.

“Welcome to the cast, Mr. Tozier!” Beverly lightly punched Richie’s shoulder.

“But why – ” Eddie began.

“I had a change of heart. Now the actors outnumber the Losers Club members.” Richie put his hands casually in his pockets and strolled off to class. Eddie watched him go suspiciously.

*

Week 1 of Rehearsals:

Rehearsals got off to a rocky start. Eddie had a feeling he knew who the saboteur was but could not prove it.

It all started with his script. He lost it the first day, then asked Mrs. Lane for an extra. She told him he was killing trees and to not lose this copy. Then, after he took the time to highlight every line he said, he made the mistake of leaving it in the green room. When he came back, it was on the highest shelf, impossible to get to.

“Who the fuck put it up there?”

“Probably the theatre ghost.” Richie came up from behind putting his elbow on Eddie’s shoulder.

“What are you talking about dipshit?”

Richie lowered his face to Eddie’s ear and whispered, “Didn’t you hear? There used to be a nun that worked here and she died in this very theatre. So whenever people put on shows, she plays pranks on them.”

“Does she now?” Eddie said skeptically, crossing his arms. He was very aware of how his skin was tingling when Richie leaned or touched him in any way. The whispering in his ear gave him goosebumps. They had both been in such a weird place lately, well mostly Eddie was annoyed with Richie, that being this casual once more felt unnatural.  “Well, if I cannot get to my script, I will have to borrow yours.”

Eddie snatched the script from Richie’s other hand and walked off toward rehearsal. That night, he did his best to memorize as much as possible before he lost another script to this ‘ghost’.

*

Week 2 of Rehearsals:

Eddie grabbed his throat pretending to gag, “O true apothecary! Thy drugs are quick. Thus with a kiss I die.”

Eddie hesitated, looking at Beverly’s still face helplessly. He glanced around the stage getting more nervous by the second. The hesitation was turning into a really awkward pause but he could not bring himself to kiss her.

“Eddie! For the last time, KISS HER!” Mrs. Lane yelled, throwing her script vigorously.

“I know! I know! But every time I go in for the kiss, the theatre ghost does something.” He put out his fingers to list off the incidents, “First, a light almost fell on my head. Second, the poison had lemon juice in it and let me tell you, swallowing that much lemon juice at once would give anyone a coughing attack and need to take a break. Third, my costume was covered in peanut butter and jelly. I feel like the ghost is trying to make me their next picnic meal!”

“Eddie, we have to get through this. We have not finished the show ONCE and we open next week.” Mrs. Lane sat heavily in a theatre seat throwing some aspirin in her mouth dry swallowing.

“Fine.” Eddie looked at Beverly who winked before closing her eyes.

“O true apothecary! Thy drugs are quick. Thus with a kiss I die.” Eddie leaned forward hoping to get the kiss over with fast before anything happened. Suddenly a loud bell rang out indicating the fire alarm had been pulled. He heard the ominous sound of the sprinklers starting. “Oh shit!”

All the kids started screaming and ran out of the auditorium. Eddie helped Beverly up and spotted Richie coming over to them. He was wiping his hand with a cloth but quickly hid it before Eddie could ask what happened.

While they were outside waiting to be let inside, Eddie noticed a spot on the sleeve of Richie’s sweater. Eddie grabbed his wrist.

“What the fuck man!” Richie protested snatching his hand back.

Eddie glared at the taller boy but didn’t say anything. It looked like ink from when you pull a fire alarm.

*

Opening Night:

Eddie was pacing backstage quietly murmuring his lines. There were so many to remember that he was sure he would freeze up and not be able to go on. Beverly came out looking beautiful in her first dress.

“Are you ready?! I am so excited. Bill came early and saved seats for him, Mike, and Stan in the front row.” She was jumping up and down.

Eddie’s face paled. It was starting to get very real, “I’m going to throw up.” He whispered.

She put a hand on his head and turned him to face her, “You’re going to be great.”

“We haven’t even practiced our kiss! What if it all goes to shit?” He took deep, staggering breathes.

“Don’t worry. We got this. I’m an expert now.” Beverly gave Eddie a quick hug then went to find Ben and Richie to wish them luck or ‘Break a leg’ as Mrs. Lane kept telling them to say. Why would he want to break his leg? Stupid theatre terms.

“Hey pal, you ready?” Eddie jumped at the sound of Richie’s voice, which made Richie laugh. Eddie quickly turned away from him; he refused to engage with him.

“What’s up with you?” Richie said kind of hurt.

“You are what’s up with me,” Eddie growled.

“What did I –”

Eddie cut him off immediately, “Richie, why do you keep sabotaging the show?!”

“I’m not –”

Eddie got right up in Richie’s face, “You are and I want to know why.”

“I’m just having a little fun…”

“It is not fun. I have been learning these lines, stupid fucking blocking, not to mention doing blocking while I say stupid lines, and so has the rest of the cast! If you do anything tonight, I swear I am gonna kill you.” Eddie raised his fist up as threateningly as he could be when he was so much smaller than Richie.

“I…I…” Richie looked so guilty and nervous.

“WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS!” Eddie yelled. Someone nearby shushed him.

Richie took Eddie by the wrist and led him to a secluded area, “Because I don’t want you to kiss Beverly!” He whispered harshly.

Eddie yanked his arm away looking at him incredulously, “Who cares? It’s just a kiss.”

Richie’s eyes flashed, “Yeah, but what if you realize you are in love with her and you guys get together and then I’ll never see you anymore and…and…” Richie said this at lightning speed.

“Rich…” Eddie watched his best friend astonished.

“I know I sound crazy. I just don’t want you guys to kiss.” He said barely audible. “We kissed and it fucking meant something to me, even if it clearly didn’t to you.”

Eddie moved closer to Richie and put his hand on the boy’s shoulder. He applied some pressure there before watching his hand slide up to the side of Richie’s head as if controlled by someone else. His hand cupped the boy’s round face and he ran his thumb over Richie’s cheek slowly. Richie leaned his face into the touch, cheeks going pink, and gazed into Eddie’s eyes. Neither was sure who initiated the kiss but their lips bumped together.

Richie tilted his head to gain better access, his glasses jamming into the bridge of his nose from the interaction. Eddie let both his hands reach back and lock behind Richie’s neck. Richie could not control his thrill; he wrapped his arms around Eddie’s waist and lifted the boy off the ground spinning them. Eddie squealed into Richie’s lips with surprise but smiled at his ridiculousness.

They pulled apart but kept holding onto each other. “It meant something to me too, ya idiot.”

“Thank fuck,” Richie responded breathlessly.

“Now, can I go on and do this stupid show without you messing everything up?” Eddie looked at him warningly. “I’ll kiss you before and after my scene with Beverly. It’ll be good practice since you made it impossible for me to get it right with her.”

Richie returned the smile, “Yes…I just need to pour out the poison, replace the dagger, and fix one of the legs of the tomb.” Richie ran away.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Eddie stormed after him.

[kittikiii]

honestly, i think a lot of people don’t know what growing up in Britain is like, especially for the alt kids. i am a british boy who was alt for a long while, and ALWAYS seen as a social outcast / loser. each year is very different. mostly, i think my Halloween stories will give good comparisons.

when i was 12, i was alt (listening to paramore, mcr, fob, patd, ptv, sws, bvb). i went a bought cans of monster from the tesco express near my school everyday with my friend. he and i would sit on the swings in the park and listen to music until i was getting picked up, or needed to walk home. i watched uk youtubers like veeoneeye, patty walters, emma blackerry, karimabridged and lukeisnotsexy. on halloween, i stayed home. I didn’t really do halloween back then, even though its my favourite holiday. i struggled with self harm and my eating disorder, but it was only just starting. a few cuts here, skip lunch there. nothing serious.

when i was 13, i smoked roll ups out of my bedroom every night while listening to 5 seconds of summer (they only had 2 albums out at this point). all my friends were alt 16 year olds, and i would hang out with them after school, at a park. they watched skins, so i watched it. they watched the mighty boosh, so i watched it. they had a huge amount of influence over me, especially this one guy who i had a crush on (he was 16 so obviously it never happened, but i was obsessed). there was also a guy who was a real asshole when i was exploring my gender identity. on halloween, i went trick or treating with my best friends. my costume was a diy superhero one. we got egged on our way home. i was still struggling with self harm and my ed. i was covered in cuts at this point, all over my arms and thighs. my p.e teachers saw in the changing rooms, but they never reported it weirdly. it was reported by a girl in my year. i still never got asked about my ed, but i was skipping breakfast and lunch every day.

when i was 14, i had moved. i spent Halloween with my new best friend at the time and a guy i was “dating” (i say dating, i mean we would send nudes and sext. don’t do that if you’re underage). my costume was a cool dress from the local alt fashion store and a wig. we still trick or treated, and we hung out in a field for a little after, but we got picked up at 10pm. I was in recovery for my ed at this point, and i only relapsed with self harm on occasion.

when i was 15, i was no longer alt. my friends group had completely changed again. one is still my best friend. on halloween, i wore a skeleton kigurumi, and we went trick or treating. later in the year, i was back to struggling with my ed, obsessing with calories. this was the time where i started looking on social media for venting, and i was suicidal, cutting a lot. a new girl joined my school year and me and her clicked instantly. (ill refer to her as L from here) one day during school, L found my suicide note by accident. she rushed to my house after school to stop me (if it wasn’t for her i’d be dead). L’s grandmother talked to my parent about it while L talked with me in my bedroom. my parent said im a drama queen and shes sorry that i worried them. my family confiscated my phone for a week. in the summer, i was briefly kicked out, and L and her grandmother let me stay with them for a few days. 

when i was 16, L was my best friend. her grandmother treated me like i was her own grandson. it was wonderful for a while; she gave me love and support that i never felt. on halloween, we went trick or treating again (me, L, L’s boyfriend at the time, and another friend). in december, i started dating a 22 year old (age of consent here is 16) and i lost my virginity. L and her boyfriend had broken up, and i set her up with a girl i had been friends with when i was 14. in march, L’s girlfriend beat me up in a hallway unprovoked, and i later found out she (the gf) didnt accept me and thought i would steal L from her. because of this, my friend group dissolved. i also broke up with my bf due to my shitty mental health, and i started spending time with a different group of friends (some girls who were into kpop) but i felt like an outsider, and wasn’t invited to hang out outside of school and stuff. it was at this time i found stray kids through one of bang chan’s vlives, so i didnt feel quite as alone (i would be dead if it werent for bang chan). i did my GCSEs (final exams for secondary school in the UK) and got accepted into the only sixth form college i applied for (instead of junior and senior year, we do sixth form college). over the summer, i did a skill building programme called NCS (national citizenship service). i was in a group of strangers. i was struggling a lot. there was a guy i was into, and we dated for a bit. i was still struggling with my ed during NCS, but i was eating more each week. i was getting panic attacks about the future, and my depression was bad, but i wasnt self harming.

when i was 17, i had just started college. i had pushed away the guy i had been dating, because my mental health was declining again. i got drunk for the first time at a party with some people from NCS. i had a brief flirting-friends stage with a guy in my art history class. he told me my thighs were thick and i relapsed into my ed again. i went through a couple of friend groups in the first year. on halloween, i stayed home and binge ate a bag of pretzels while doing halloween makeup. i cried twice that night. during the winter, my depression was terrible. i was home alone a lot, since my family got a place in cornwall for trips that i dont go on. I really wanted to commit. i got really sick in late december. looking back, i think it was covid-19. i was self harming. then, i was rejected by my main friends group. thankfully, my best friend from when i was 15 goes to the same college as i do, and he didnt really have anyone to chill with. the world went to shit because of covid, and lockdown happened. during lockdown, i relapsed into my ed without realising, eating only once a day usually, and my depression was dreadful. i had manic episodes, panic attacks constantly, and i relapsed into self harm multiple times. i rewatched skins and realised how well it really represents growing up in the UK as a 16-18 year old.

now, im almost 18. im in my second year of college. the only friend ive been spending time with on the few days im in for college is a guy from my art history class (not the one who called me thick). my only plans for halloween so far are with him; we’re gonna wear costumes and drink cheap vodka and coke zero in a field, and we’re possibly gonna camp out. im gonna wear my skeleton kigurumi again. i still have an ed, and i smoke cigarettes a lot more. im not self harming though, and my anxiety and depression are far better. i still adore skz, and view them as the main reason im still alive. i dont plan to recover from my eating disorder, but i do encourage and support recovery for anyone who is struggling.

[xennariel]

fanfic asks: all.

lol Thanks! This took me forever.

1. Do you have a word-count goal for 2018? - Not really, but another 100k would be nice to achieve.

2. Will you participate in any fandom exchanges or fic challenges, etc?- Hopefully Royai Week again and Royai Halloween week since I just was feeling crappy and was too busy to do it last year.

3. Do you anticipate writing for a new fandom in 2018? Which one? - Not really. I have been meaning to delve into WoW fanfiction for a few years now, so maybe that, but it’ll probably just be FMA and my own stuff again because I’m a loser. lol

4. Do you think you’ll stop writing for a fandom in 2018? Which one? - Who knows. It seems like my fics aren’t entertaining anymore or whatever, but I lost quite a few readers in 2017 so that may end up being a deciding factor in whether I continue FMA fanfiction or not. As of now, I don’t think I’ll stop writing for the series though.

5. Which WIP is first on your list to complete this year? Will you post a snippet? - I would really really like to finish Through Eyes of Flame, but it still has a long way to go and, again, because of lack of readers, my motivation to write it is very very low. I’ve had the next chapter halfway completed since September and every time I look at it to try to write for it, I just give up and work on something else. I’ve been working on that fic for almost two years and I just want to finish it already. I think I posted a snippet before, but here’s a bit of the chapter that’s been halfway done for months now:

Red light crackled around Gluttony’s wounds, each bullet hole closing within seconds. No matter how many vital points Riza hit with deadly accuracy, it all proved futile. The hulking homunculus held her off the ground by her throat as she continued to struggle and fire bullet after bullet into its skull. She grit her teeth as Gluttony’s hold on her neck tightened and the click click click of her gun’s trigger indicated she was out of ammo. She dropped her hand to her side and the gun fell to the ground with a clatter.

This was it. This was how she was going to die. She would no longer be able to protect Roy. But at least he would live. He would not be incriminated for what they were doing here. He would go on, working toward their goal without her, and that was enough for her.

6. Which yet-to-be-started fic is first on your list? - I would love to start writing the Royai mermaid AU I’ve been thinking about a lot. Also perhaps my “Riza was an alchemist the whole time” au. I’ve had so many ideas for those that were stewing around all year, but I didn’t start them because I wanted to finish TEoF first.

7. Will you change anything about the way you interact with other writers? - Definitely try to comment more. I comment every chance I get, but sometimes I still can’t figure out what to say or have a weird anxiety build up that makes me not want to comment, so I want to work on that and make sure every fic I read gets at least an “I liked this” or something. Also if I wasn’t so anxious I’d strike up conversations more often on here with other writers, but I feel like I just annoy people so I avoid talking to anyone unless they talk to me first. It’s stupid, I know, but I just feel like they’d message me if they wanted to talk to me, you know? I need to work on that.

8. Is there a story idea in your mental vault that you’ve never been brave enough to try writing? Is 2018 the year? - Ummmmm… I don’t think so? Well, scratch that, I have a lot of horror/tragedy/angsty ideas, but I can get very dark and I have found that I hold back quite a bit with fanfiction in that department. Like… I feel like people would avoid me and not read my stuff if it got that dark so I tend to just write fluff and minor angsty one shots. I even held back on my fic Hollow because I felt like it was getting too dark so I cut a lot of stuff out, rushed it, and lightened it up a bit. I realize people like angst and such, but I worry about scaring off readers. It’s weird. SO, with that said, I would like to write some kind of fic that’s super dark, but I don’t know if anyone would read it. That’s what my original novel is for. lol

9. Short term goals… what do you hope to complete this week or in January? - I would love to get the next chapter for Through Eyes of Flame finished and posted by my birthday (Jan. 31). Other than that, I have no plans, but that might change if people send me prompts or something. An anon keeps sending me the prompt “May wasn’t there on the Promised Day and Roy has to burn Riza’s wounds closed.” I like the idea, but I’m not confident enough to write it. I know nothing about the nitty gritty medical details that would go into that so I feel like my attempt would be bad and unrealistic and honestly the only outcome I could see would be Riza dying anyway because burning an artery and just that whole area is bad news and wouldn’t end well, especially because Roy would probably be nervous and have shaky hands and mess up.

10. Will you keep a record of all the fics you write and/or post this year? - Probably not beyond posting them to FFNet and AO3. I never really thought about keeping a record of the stuff I write.

11. Would you like to try any new fanfic genres or tropes in 2018? - I think I answered this above, but more Angst and stuff in that vein.

12. Will you change anything about the way you edit or rewrite in 2018? - I want to get better at description and make my prose sound nicer. Right now, my writing is very straight forward and not flowery at all. I don’t necessarily like flowery writing as sometimes I have no idea what the author is trying to say if it gets too flowery and purple, but I feel like my writing is very lackluster and missing something. So I’d like to get better at showing and not telling more often.

13. Aside from fanfic, are there any other fan works you’d like to try creating? Fanart, or fanvids, gifsets, or podfic?- I’d love to get back into drawing far more often. I used to draw all the time in high school. I gave it up for so long after I graduated and I miss it. I only drew a few times last year, but I’d like to pick it up far more often. Like, maybe even do a monthly request type thing where I take requests once a month and draw for people instead of going for, like, five months and then being like “I feel like drawing, send in requests.” I’d just like to do it more often.

14. Have you ever lost large chunks of your work in the past, due to not backing up your work? Will you change your methods in 2018? - Oh yeah. I’ve lost so much stuff because my hard drives have crashed several times in the past, like, ten years. All my old original writing was lost to the void in high school when my Mac’s hard drive crashed for the first time. I did manage to print some of it off though, which I found recently, but it was only a fraction of what I had written in my high school years. It honestly wasn’t great anyway, but it’s still upsetting to lose stuff I worked on for years. It’s why I use Google Docs mostly now and I do have a thumb drive that I download stuff onto occasionally now.

15. Do you foresee any personal or professional obstacles in 2018, that would keep you from creating fanworks?- I really really want to finish my original novel, so fanfics might take a backseat to that if I feel like I’m not keeping up with it well enough. My dream is to be a published author, even if that means publishing myself. Also my dog isn’t doing so well recently and if his ailments progress as rapidly as they seem to be right now… Well I hope it doesn’t come to anything serious, but losing him might take a huge toll on me and I know I’ll probably fall into a serious depression for a long time. Which is why I want to finish my original novel as soon as possible, because I know if I lose him I’ll never finish my book, at least not for a few years.

16. Do you have that one fanfic that you wrote a ton for, ages ago, but never posted? Will this be the year, come hell or high water, that it WILL get finished and posted? - Nope, I always post stuff, even if it’s a WIP multichapter. I tend to be proud of stuff and want to get it out to share it asap. It’s why lack of hits/comments/shares upsets me a lot of the time. I wouldn’t share my work if I wasn’t proud of it, but lack of hits and response makes me feel like everything I do is shit.

17. Do you typically answer all comments/reviews individually? Do you plan to change the way you interact with your readers this year? - Yes, especially on AO3. It’s a little harder on FFNet since you have to PM the person and I didn’t even realize you could respond like that until recently. I definitely plan to thank and respond to people individually more often so they know just how much I appreciate their comments.

18. Do you typically post multi-chapters as you write, or finish it all and then start posting? Would you like to change your posting method?- Honestly, I really should write the whole damn thing and then post it, but I post each chapter as I go. My problem is that I have a difficult time staying motivated to write something without feedback from people. It’s why writing my original stuff can be so hard at times. I really would like to finish a thing before I begin posting though because that way if I lose motivation, I don’t disappoint people by either not updating for a long time or never updating again.

19. Would you consider non-fandom writing events, like NaNoWriMo or writing contests?- I did Camp Nano where I managed to write 25k words for my original novel. It’s what really helped me get going with that. I wanted to do the actual NaNo event, but was depressed and busy during that time. I would like to do both this year though and maybe finish my book then (though I’d like to be done with my book sooner than that.)

20. Any plans to work on original fiction this year? - Yep, as I said before, I want to finish my book this year. Even if no one reads it, it’s been my dream since middle school to finish and publish it and this is the time I’m going to actually do it. No more sitting on it wishing it would just magically be written for me. Even if people don’t like it, I’m going to finish it because I like it.

[whyshanti]

twenty nineteen. periodt.

i genuinely felt the need to write this because i was bored i have not written anything in a really long time. but mostly because there’s only a few who might read this and not care afterwards. it sucks to not be able to do something that i used to enjoy for quite a while. but here i am!

a lot of thoughts to unburden and a lot of unspoken feelings to unpack. let’s get to it, bih.

1. this year felt like it was dragging on. i wanted it to end asap.

so this year, i actually had A LOT of time. where did it go? 

to: movies, series, anime, music, watching youtube videos, breakdowns, feeling stuck & paralyzed,  academics, reading articles about pop culture & mainstream shit, going out with friends, chatting random ppl at night bc i thought i could trust them (and some of them, i can), and etc.

but on a more serious note, i really was more into the world of media, of both mainstream and indie worlds. i still can’t believe i got through this semester when i have been doing these things unrelated to uni. some ppl are also baffled by this activity log that i have. 

point is: i felt like a walking zombie. probably looked like one as well. there is this routine that i have to do and i got really sick of myself. i didn’t have the motivation to strive more. i was always either sleeping (at least for the first half of the year) or watching. it all feels lifeless. the latter part of the year, my body clock was wrecked. i did not like the weather during daytime. at all. i slept during the day when i did not have classes then i was awake at night. but i try to get as much sleep as i can because my health is declining. i think.

also this year felt like it had 3 sequels. unnecessary, boring, full-of-jump-scares type of sequels. fuck.

2. feeling anxious and chill at the same time.

the only thing that made me feel chill at the latter part of the year is the fact that this shit... like all these shitty things we’ve been doing... will pass anyway. 

i don’t know if it’s because of the new system that was implemented but it definitely feels like the stress levels were high only during exam weeks. for real. i am grateful to have THAT kind of “stress privilege (??)” but i also wish i was stressing over something that gives me LIFE. i know i’m studying for something that will actually help me provide something for myself and for my family but my soul (oh crap here’s where things get cheesy) screams i should do something else. 

my friend always tells me to chill but i couldn’t because there’s always that nagging thought that i have to do something productive everyday. i think it stems from past disappointments, failed expectations from ppl close to me, and just basically feeling like a failure. i’m a frantic mess who somehow has the time to do unnecessary things. wish the energy was put into finishing acads on time or earlier, but here we are. think they meant that i should be chill with mysef. to be kind to myself. to not panic and breathe.

another thing is that there’s a load of information shoved in my head that really paralyzes me to act on something.

3. leaving behind the things i’ve outgrown.

it’s so funny how i’ve met few new people this year who i already treasure only to have quite a number of people to walk out of my life.

it’s not really surprising to me. i think we all wanted it to happen anyway. i’m just happy that things kind of subtly fell apart for things to make more sense. the feeling is kind of like how a misplaced puzzle piece is put into its rightful place. finally, i don’t have to force myself and i think the feelings are mutual. anyway, this year was a revelation in itself despite how dragging the pacing felt. love how the gunk went out and i see now what i’ve been blind to. chuck the deuce! definitely a thank u, next moment.

4. meeting new people, unexpected unions.

i definitely did not expect to form connections and be reunited with some of my old friends this year. also witnessed deepened friendships. 

there’s always this thing where i put my energy on a high level when i’m meeting new people just to seem decent and happy then slowly revealing how tired, sad, and boring i can be. then there’s that fear of losing people’s interest in me or people not becoming excited to talk to me about... anything really. never thought i’d have this fear of losing certain people in my life. i want to detach myself from that and from people themselves too (in a healthy way ofc). 

i’ve never ever felt like i could lose people in an instant. there’s that thing where i worry if i’m too much or i’m lacking for people. so i appreciate people who let me know if i’m crossing the line or if i’m doing something that completely annoys them because i really want to be part of people’s lives, meaningfully and genuinely. a good one. i don’t want to half-ass my relationships with other people and i seek loving relationships that thrive and inspire where it doesn’t only get good at the start but is continually progressing even when we don’t see each other often. it’s fascinating how as we get older, we see how relationships are not as simple as we think they are but really are simple at the same time. we have different goals, we are at different stages in our lives, we are facing shit that nobody else seems to understand and things that don’t seem to end, and we can only hope that our mere presence and emotionally available hearts will listen to whatever the other person has to unburden. 

to somehow let them know that they don’t need permission to rest and to do things that they are afraid of pursuing. 

4a. discovering new artists.

AURORA: the most underrated artist for sure. watched every interview/video/set because she is that bitch. her SONGS, man. i swear. she is that ethereal fairy from the forest. her fucking voice just draws me in. she deserved a better role in frozen 2 tho. she needs to be a lead in a musical animated movie. idc idc i said what i said.

beabadoobee: fucking rockstar, reviving the 90s grunge music and looks.

Billie Eilish: a badass. hate how she still stans bieber tho. 

5. daydreaming of a new life.

you don’t know how many times i’ve been dreaming to have a big house. 

it’s time. we really need a new house. i’m not, as what the kids say, vibing with this old house anymore. this is what i wish to leave behind as soon as possible. how do i even get the MONEY to afford it? i’m just hoping for a miracle to happen, you know. i really wish my family gets to be in a better home soon.

i think if u know me, u might have caught me spacing out a few times. 

idk why this always happens. it’s so rude to the person speaking to me but my mind literally drifts off to another planet. it’s not that they’re boring. i just can’t help it. i feel like shit thinking about how many times it has happened to me. 

sometimes, i dream of being this whole new different person. 

someone who is better than who i am. someone who is good at something and is passionate about the things she does. there are a lot of things i am interested in doing but i don’t have the courage to actually do it. idk why i always turn into a statue when i think of things that i wanna do.

6. God.

it’s been a long time. i have lost contact with You but You are always there to patch things up for me. every effin’ time. i cry everytime.

it must be because i was raised in a christian setting. that’s why i always think it’s You who’s working behind the scenes. but still i am grateful.

saved me from certain people.

saved me this semester.

saved me from pulling worthless all-nighters.

provided me financially esp when i thought i had nothing.

prevented a severe acid reflux situation.

gave me new friends.

did literally so many things that saved me from bad situations and people in general like WHO DOES THAT??

7. a life without a plan.

this is literally what i wanted to happen. not carelessly but like where i don’t have to worry about what to do next. just let things be and go with the flow. the first half of this year, i really did not think things through as i normally would and i let plans fall just to enjoy what was in front of me. be at ease and be present during that time. and i did. it was a peaceful, cheery time tbh.

8. every day i wanted to start over just to get over a lot of things.

9. i missed a lot of ppl.

10. i wanted to be held. not by a certain someone. not romantically. but by anyone close to me. *plays i’m with you by avril lavigne*

sometimes we all just need a long hug. that’s all. and it’d be nice to hear more stories from people. :)

11. not everybody will reciprocate the same energy that i send out to them and it’s okay.

this bummed me out. felt like an effin’ loser but i’ve learned that people have businesses to do. life doesn’t always happen the way we want it to.

12. this the final year of college. just finish it already, dumbass. 

13. why can’t i just be kathryn bernardo or AURORA for like a month or a year? i promise i will not ruin their careers lmao.

14. i want to make major changes in my stupid life but money is an issue.

15. the stars are below the sky now.

the state of the environment is the same as of our minds. polluted and overloaded with gibberish to the point that we get scared of doing one thing at a time and where we also don’t throw away the unnecessary baggage/s. 

we’re so intent on doing things all at the same time. finishing everything in one sitting. being productive became an addiction and it scared me how i was becoming affected by this. there’s this constant thought that we collectively share which is to do something by every day and it only adds up to people’s anxiety and depression. social media definitely made us aware of mental illnesses/disorders but then it became a trend. people self-diagnose themselves and end up with the wrong treatment. some people use it as a tool to get followers and... ugh it’s all a mess. i hope people get the right treatment/s AND/or professional help because if they don’t, they’ll lose themselves. i mean... just look at the sky. there’s literally no sign of a star now if u live in the city. we’ve lost sight of what should guide us. we are unconsciously following a false light thru our devices. 

i’m not good at analogies or at explaining things as u can tell. but moving on...

this hyper self-awareness that i have gained from social media has its advantages but is also distracting me from living my best life. i didn’t realize that i was making my own christmas lights inside my seemingly dark mind when really... it’s just clouded by all this information that’s coming in fast and has affected who i am and certain areas of my life. i’ve almost forgotten this and i’ve come to believe again that there’s always an ever-present light and it will take time to get used to its brightness once my mind gets clearer by the day. hopefully, it will.

anyway, CLIMATE CHANGE IS REAL AND WE NEED TO SAVE EARTH. 

16. men are trash. 

17. the people who i should avoid always looks odd or unpleasant and has bad energy. i know shit when i sense one. 

18. i’m not happy with my life and with who i am but i’ll work with what i’ve got.

life gives u a mirror and shits on your face. sheesh.

for some reason, i can’t forget what my adviser told me during my 4th year of high school. she told me “it seems like you’re a person full of regrets” and every time i have a cryfest, i think of that. idk why. (never underestimate the power of a few words, folks). you know how like in flow charts, u encounter decision points? the diamond shapes? i think i always decide no and end up with the worst consequence and then there’s no more starting over. 

i don’t think i understand flow charts well. ugh. 

i can’t come up with a cool transition to me having insecurities so let’s say i did!

some people’s beauty, inspiring. but others just make you feel like shit.

i really want to explore my feminine side more because i was more masculine when i was younger. i’m not gentle, i’m a bit aggressive. and it just doesn’t fit with who i want to be. idk why. and also, it’s fun (!!!). you get a taste of what it’s like and it’s so EMPOWERING at least for the short experience that i had. but can make me feel very conscious of my entire being and i just end up wearing cartoony disguises. ironic but BABY STEPS. when i think about it, there’s really no black or white answer whether this or that is feminine or masculine.  

self-love is not a 5-step process. 

it is continuous improvement of oneself to the point where you don’t give a fuck about what they say. i really envy the ones who are comfortable in their own skin, who are totally embracing their flaws. they just bloom. some people just look like them. like it’s SO THEM. unmistakably them. and i think if everyone had that, we would not have standards anymore.

oh, to live in a time where individuality is encouraged but is also discouraged when not lived up to its standards. hurray.

19. this year was the year of mindless decisions. periodt.

20. hoping that the new year, 2020, will be the year of CLARITY where i know who i really am, embracing it, and where i will not be taking anymore of anyone’s bullshit. where i know where i stand in my relationships with other people and vice versa. there will be intentional but meaningful endings that will pave the way for blossoming beginnings. 

let’s hope it unfolds the way it should be. for the better.

bonus: nobody knows what the fuck they’re doing. everyone’s just going with the flow. be yourself.

note: this is a compilation of thoughts, informally. thank u.

[swordsphere]

Sword&Sphere Proyect

Main Characters

Hello! I decided a lot of important stuff while making pages of the infamous buffer. Mostly, the cannon names and surnames of the characters... In the draft I wrote everyone with crappy names... but now it´s time to be serious... and there´s a lot of other things that I need to figure out soon like designs in maps, flags and regular used items, like the frikin sword and the sphere in the title.

I thought that if I wrote this in the blog, it would be considered written in stone; it´s time to settle some "cannon". This time, I´ll just focuos on describing one character at the time.

Now it´s kinda distracting to do this, cause Inktober... but I don´t know if I can devote so much to that, as I should to this. I hope this year is the last one I´ll dedicate time to that special event.

Alina Petrova

High Priestess of Deimous, holder of the Great Golothov. Represents the strength and craftmanship of the rural folk of her country. She can be a cold, imposing, self rigorous and a proud woman. She is devoted to hard work and become a good role model for her aprendize and the people around her.

Everything in her life crumbles, when a supernatural force takes the core of her country. She is forced to look for allies and find a solution to the expanding problem; and finds a bunch of misfitt losers. For someone so serious and annoyed with bullshit and laziness, this is more of a challenge than everything she had survived.

Nobality Title: Maestre Aleor of Deimous, Priestess of the Hammer

Country: Deimous kingdom.

Age: 20, btw I still need to set the timeline correctly, this is the ideal age when the story begins.

Items: a bigass hammer and the coolest wardrope ever.

Alina was raised since child to become a mecano, the version of alchemist-mechanical craft in this world, but in her path, she was picked to be the "Maestre Aleor" of Deimous. In this position, she a powerful and a respected figure of her Country and for the whole the World of Opal. Being aleor means she can forge magical instruments.

Let´s be clear, she was gifted with smarts and beauty, but Alina can be an arrogant and an entitled person. Her social skills are kind of rusty and harsh towards strangers. She also prefers doing stuff her own way instead of relaying on other people. You can imagine how fun she can be at parties... ¬¬

Originally, the name I used for her was Soleith Bourbon, but the aesthetic I started developing around her and her country had a very ukraine -russian vibe and later on, I decided to change it, just to mold into it... and I think, Alina Petrova sounds good for a headstrong girl. I hope it fits.

Design Inspiration

This is just a little sinopsis of why I choose every character to look like it does. They have been my OC since I was 13 and they all started as a rip-off version of other anime characters... so, yeah 9.9... sorry, I just like to draw them a lot and feel confortable with them.

Alina started as a mix of Usagi and Candy-Candy. Those two girls where my ultimate foundation... as I told before, Alina was a very different person when I wrote the first draft, she was kind of a mess and coward... but I ended with a hard cold bitch. I hope I nailed that part.