#look i havent listened to it in like a year
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crying to cheerleader by omi
#look i havent listened to it in like a year#cause it reminds me of one of my former best friends who i loved so so so so much#and then a year ago learned that they may have done something horrible#so i had to cut them off and fully had a sit-down conversation where i told them why i couldnt see or talk to them anymore#but ill never truly get resolution because at the end of the day i dont really know what happened#but we'd planned for a future together and it still hurts. i genuinely almost killed myself over it a year ago#and only didnt because a huge fire prevented me from getting home#so it was bad. but like... people dont recognize the pain that comes from ending friendships as much as relationships#and like. we were in it. and it still hurts so bad#but anyway. i played cheerleader for the first time and now theres this terrible ache in my chest and i feel like i could cry#tree talks
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I know this is just a silly bad quality random screencap of a screencap that I found on facebook lol, BUT it's a succinct enough image to easily describe the concept in a quick/accessible way hopefully :
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(and of course, feel free to elaborate in tags, etc.! (especially elaborating about other senses as well.. can you "hear" in your mind just as well as you can "see"? taste? etc.) It's an interesting topic to me, as someone who's like a 4.5 at MOST lol. I'm curious what option will be the most common :0c )
#tumblr polls#hrmm... a little poll perhaps.. about a subject I find interesting.. since this image came across my facebook today#still really not feeling that well. no longer shaking violently and such but I still feel weird and weak much more than usual#They did say my markers for like infection or inflammation were elevated but that they werent sure of the cause so hopefully#it's nothing too serious. they did also say a lot of different things can cause that thing to be higher than normal but didn't go into spec#fics of what. maybe some of them are relatively benign or something. I still havent felt much back to normal since#I got really sick that one time though. I feel fine on and off but then little bouts of feeling weird and sick happen. hrmmm#ANYWAY.. looking for small ways to be productive. such as little doodles on evil ipad or editing game videos#or posting polls or cat pictures or some other like not very labor intensive things#I WISH I COULD FOCUS on writing HHRGGhh... I need to finish my game.. it would be so freeing.. a project that's been looming#over my head for like 5 years even though througouht that 5yrs I've probably spent a total of 3 months working on it lo.. ANYWAY#I still partially really cannot beleive that people CAN see stuff in their heads. There's always part of me that's thinking like. well mayb#e everyone DOES see the same exact thing but we just describe/conceptualize it so differently that we think we're talking about#different things when we're really not. But I have been assured by people I've talked to about it that they can GENUINELY really see#stuff in their heads like as vivid as an actual picture in real life or something. And the other senses are neat too. Like for exmaple I#can hear in my head much better than I can see imagery. I still CANNOT hear vividly like as if I were listening to actual music out loud..#but I think it's developed more than my sight. AND interesting how this varies the creative process. a friend I was talking to on the phone#said they write by literally just watching stuff play before them like a movie. where my process is COMPLETELY different. AND that affects#the content/what details we focus on as well as our individual styles of writing have differences that can be traced back to that.. hrmm
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i have been struggling to commit to drawing for weeks, but was convinced that i just needed to collect more and more refs, because the last time i was productive was while watching this video
and i just fucking realized after spending five and a half straight hours drawing to a video essay that ~staring at glenn~ for an hour and a half was not what helped, it was just. having a fucking video playing while i was drawing.
motherfuckers with adhd who need constant stimulation make some noise
#ada speaks#i know the vid timeline makes it look like i didnt watch the video but its bc i watched it twice <333#INCREDIBLY ironic considering the fucking topic of a portion of the podcast was that katee and glenn both have adhd#pray for me i may actually finish this drawing after all#historic event tbh i havent finished anything but a bust drawing in literally years#i am still staring at glenn but i am not getting bored as hell every ten minutes and fucking off to do something else#my mistake listening to music to draw i guess#not stimulating enough !!!#i know y'all will be happy once i stop talking about this fucking drawing and just post it--
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just wanted to let you know that your art changed something in my brain chemistry. i love how you design the bad kids, especially riz. it makes me love him even more 😭😭
thank u! fantasy high as a series banks a lot on heightening and exaggerations, and trying to work with that general sensibility while translating the designs into something I have fun drawing has been nice to do :]
#not art#its kinda funny to approach fh with like. a bg of shounen/gag manga? wild how much genres can differ when targeting the same demographic#tho I havent read shounen in a While lmao. the last series I picked up was uhhh tetsugaku letra#its very Gender even though I dont think it? aimed to be? it talks a Lot abt performance and failing social expectations#and I think if you wanna talk about stuff like that you kinda eventually stumble into Gender Stuff#well. to be fair the main character literally picks up and chooses to dance with a pair of women's flamenco shoes#so maybe I was just being pessimistic abt the series not aiming to talk abt transgenderism lmao#anyways I did also pick that up and then realized as I read it that wow. I have Fully outgrown this genre#which is fair bc I'm almost a decade out from being a teen. I have the privilege to grow up and get a bird eyes view of childhood#but yeah. its kinda fun to see how teen movie archetypes and shounen archetypes differ so much#and finding the thread of connection between all that#but very specifically abt riz. listen. listen I was a meitantei conan acolyte for Years (am now a hater lmao)#I have an unfortunate affinity for detectives. riz gukgak is a bullet with my name on it. laser targeted#and also this season he gets a pair of glasses which is one of the only objects I can fully draw from memory. u can probably notice#from how I draw them lmao#I think I have a sketch of his previous looks somewhere in here... I gotta look for that
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i do think its kinda funny when i see someone in the year of our lord 2024 talk about vocal synth music like its all gone downhill since like 2010 because like dont get me wrong i love a good niconicodouga-ass 2008 ass vocaloid joint BUT also like. the past couple years have had the most fascinatingly creative and expressive uses of vocal synthesizers ive ever heard in my life DJFSKHJDFS dont write it all off just yet!!
#usually i only see that from people who havent actually listened to any vsynth music from the past 15 years so i understand why they got to#that conclusion. and also usually theyre people who didnt listen to much vsynth music in the first place LOL they just dont know#but it is still a little funny. brother there are things beyond your wildest dreams if u just look#like some personal highlights: the stuff by rinri - particularly their use of the meika girlies#dont carry our memories away is LIFECHANGING the whispers. the spoken parts. the BELTS#plus the haunting and unrelenting instrumentation. fantastic song#and naisho no pierced's propose + birthday + gift sort of trilogy of songs. gift especially has been unreal#again the dynamics of soft intimate whispers to belts but also those fuller high notes with edges of growlyness.#plus the songs just generally rock. and those LYRICS. absolutely intense like physically painful and frightening like#yearning and codependency and possession. and the tuning and production just amps it up more#OH and slave.v.v.r has been doing crazy things for even longer but i only started getting into his stuff recently and holy shit#love eater is like. the scariest vocaloid song ive ever heard not because of the lyrics. but because of the tuning#im like. scared. i cant stop listening to it. the heavy synthesized breathy main vocals and whispered harmonies plus the VOCAL FRY#i didnt realized vocaloid5? i think? has a vocal fry option built in i heard? thats crazy#but specifically in love eater the fry and growl is amped up so deep and loud and clear compared to everything else it like#emphasizes the artificiality of the voice while also amping up the expressiveness#its awesome. and on the older slave.v.v.r songs i heard i will hit you 8759632145 times with this piano. also so fucking cool#addicted to that song. 1) its a great jazzy rocky piano tune with this piano flourish at the end of each phrase that sounds fantastic#but also 2) the lyrics are insane. using kanji to write english??????#people are doing wild ass things with vocal synths rn you guys#this isnt even getting into some of the really unique synths themselves too. adachi rei is awesome i love that shes just like#the perfect inbetween of sample based and reconstruction based vocals. shes a sample based synth#but her samples were drawn by hand LOL shes like dectalks granddaughter to me.....#a really good use of adachi rei is iyowa's heat abnormal/heat anomaly/whatever its called ITS AWESOME thats what it is hjrkfdgfd#i think the fact that vocal synths can be so realistic and clean and noiseless out the gate now has made people really stop worrying#about like. realism all together and looking more into expressiveness. omg vocal synth modernist movement
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#spinaraki#spinneraki#shigaraki tomura#shuichi iguchi#mha spinner#mha fanart#art#i was halfway through it when i realized id post it on valentines day and i think thats a funny coincidence#anyways this gives me the same vibe as my mafia au? like it didnt a different style but the stylization of the clothes and bg are similar#anyways either an au where theyre put into a position where they have to dance OR#redestro hosts a party/dance because??? idk shmoozing reasons and shigaraki convinces spinner to dance and#yes everyone is looking at them but once spinner starts to get comfortable and out of his head shigaraki dips spinner cue cliche moment of#oh shit am I??? catching feelings???#anyways. do i even seriously ship a ship if i havent drawn them dancing at least once?!?!??#just... Shigaraki looking softly at spinner and spinner being surprised with a little blush someone else share this vision with me#lisTEN shigaraki being kind of smirky like bet u didnt think I'd do that huh and seeing spinner with a bit of a blush and slowly losing the#smirk and realizing oh shit maybe i like spinner as more than friends and toga in the background taking pictures for posterity#havent writen a fic in years but damn if i thought i had half of a chance of not making them ooc I'd do it#just two bros. on the dance floor. dancing. haha no feelings here
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okay thats interesting! in the SF try-outs during the song "legally blonde" she sings about how she cant be legally blonde, while in the official version AND THE DEMO she sings about letting her be legally blonde. which means that at some point they changed the lyrics around, and then changed them back! laurence o'keefe.... nell benjamin.... what occurs in your twisted minds
#covers mouth sorry so sorry guys#im a huge fan of beacon of positivity + good boy (elle puts a leash on emmett confirmed) + love and war (not in the demo but part of SF)#+ i liked some of the lyrics in the demo version of so much better (it called back to beacon of positivity!!! (i am insane)) such as:#I dream of your name next to my own but mine's looking fine up there alone#but i greatly prefer all the official songs we got. well. maybe good boy over ireland wouldve been fun (i think ireland is boring)#but itd play into the 'all men are dogs hurr hurr' joke that im glad they avoided. anyways. what was i saying.#right i havent listened to every version of everything yet (for example theres a SF version of chip on my shoulder i need to watch)#(and just the SF vers in general. shes hidden from me... why was emmett there before the remix... let me see their conversation)#but from what i have heard they made a lot of changes that were sorely needed. in take it like a man demo shes so much meaner??#it made me sad. it wasnt a duet + they wrung out the romantic tension (no subtext by calvin klein... sigh) + shes meaner!!!!#in the bway vers hes baffled but enjoys going along w it + she genuinely likes him even when hes wearing his regular clothes#but in the demo vers she keeps calling him stuff like ugly duckling and talking about how the geek is gone :( but she likes that geek..#the lines 'how much do you think i earn??' and 'kindly shut up :)' are funny but speak to a dynamic between the two that makes me sad...#follow me for more beautiful opinions on a fifteen year old musical#(heaves. do you know weird it is to see comments from 15yrs ago when this was actually showing. my brother is fifteen.)#god im so sorry i should be put down like a dog#lgb bootleggers are intense. i swear they got a bootleg every night or smth bc we got her shoe flying off + SF + kyle as understudy etc#go watch a so much better compilation sometime how did they take so many bootlegs?? how did you find them??#and its awesome cause these were filmed on 2007/2008 tech which means they have 15 pixels maximum#SORRRRYYYYYYYYYY
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love this website <33
(its here if you wanna give it a shot)
#i tend to do this like once a year just to see what my new insult is#i love it its awesome#somehow my taste in music has gotten more obscure???#since i last did this??#which is surprising because last time it was at 2% thanks to blixemi and one other artist im not going to name for fear of embarrassment#is only sun obscure???#ig i havent actually looked at their monthly listener count#but like i just assumed it was a decently well received alt indie band#because holy shit their music goes fucking crazy#i probably shouldn't even say anything about nicholas podany because i am insane#also i couldn't have listened to candy wine /that/ many times could i#i only found that song like a month ago#and its higher on the list than nice to meet ya!#which has been on of my favorites for like over half a year#so uh#worrying#i also dont even listen to beabedoobee and marina that much#okay well actually#thats probably a lie but still:((
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ignore this.
learning to shut up when i dont have anything new to say to the discussions my mutuals are having about the treatment of the female characters in this show and fandom
even though ive just gone ahead and rambled in the tags a bunch of bullshit
#lohst.txt#they're all so right#because this fandom has had problems since the beginning#its always about the boys#the fics and the art and everything#and the fact that a large portion of this fandom is obsessed with the squip. the ACTUAL villain. yet would wish a 16 year old girl death#yeah. chloe did some fucked up things. yeah. dywh is an awful situation that was not handled well#(because this show has awful writing. you guys have been saying that already and youre right)#but come on. y'all act like the other characters did nothing wrong#if the writers would have cared to put actual depth into these characters#i havent listened to the source material in. a while. and i never got around to watching any other boot other than two rivers#i dont know what im saying#it was so easy to join bmc rp servers because no one ever picked the girls#did that mean i was left out of the rps? mostly. yeah#i mean. those servers always had the same rich and jake so we'd team up#but the jeremy and michael would barely give room for anyone else to interact with them#i used to have some discussions with someone about the flaws of this show and how the girls are constantly ignored#(back when i had sort of dipped out of the fandom)#anyway im never one to get involved in discourse directly#i support my mutuals and reblog art and post my silly little fics#mostly because im always too tired to put a lot of thought into any in depth analysis#(even though i have alot of thoughts on chloe and fairytales. which has nothing to do with this whatsoever)#everyone else has said it so much better than what i can currently come up with rn#but the way that the girls get watered down to one personality trait (this includes madeline). and are always used as background characters#the way there was so much christine hate at one point because she got inn the way of boyf riends#i looked chloe up on pinterest the other day out of curiosity#and there was so much hate#everyone likes christine and brooke#theyre the nice girls#the ones that get watered down to innocent and naïve and the mum friend of the group
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you wouldnt last an hour in the asylum where they raised me
#literally this guy looks like me in the future if i keepdoing what im doing#but theres also something sooooo ....something inexplicable abt this cover that just makes me want to know more about this guy?#like is he a monk or something? just a guy w a buzz? SOMEONE IN A MENTAL HOSPITAL??? IN MILLITARY CONFINEMENT???#im sorry these questions have been eating me for the past few years although i havent thought much abt it for a while but#well i spiralled into listening to some old playlists and welp
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#leologisms#um. no additional tags i guess. doesnt need the vcld tag#anyway. im finally sitting down to listen to one of kenshi yonezus albums in full and. man.#i actually havent heard most of the songs on this one before. but god the sense of familiarity and nostalgia washing over me#hachi has been one of my favourite vocaloid producers for so long. i know this album is an entire decade old this year. but finally#sitting down with it and really looking in the face how hes moved from a vocaloid producer making songs for a niche audience#to an internationally recognised artist. like many other people who were in the vocaloid scene ten years ago. god.#its the same feeling i got when i listened to sand planet for the first time. fuck. <- getting misty over it
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in all seriousness i 90% sure im going to quit my job tomorrow and for a while i will have just enough money to live on and will have to spruce up my resume and job hunt and stress but MY GOD i need to do something else because this is making me suicidal
#like actively suicidal. wanting to die in a way i have not since highschool. literally woke up and thought 'i dont want to be here anymore'#and then couldnt make myself get out of bed until like 10 minutes before i had to leave the house for job 2#i know its unprofessional but i pretty much...quiet quit i guess. i worked from home for like a month straight without telling my boss#and she called yesterday wondering about it and the whole time the only thing i could think of was 'you didnt even know for a MONTH#thats how little people communicate around here#the office culture is toxic. the people are self absorbed and shut me out. ive gone through like 6 big life events and no one knows because#no one in that office cares enough to ask. and even if i volunteer the most i get is a 'wow that wild look at this tiktok yeah anyway'#im so burnt out. i have 1 day of rest and i dont get to do that at all. so no like im not going to get up get dressed sit in traffic park#on the street because a year later they still havent given me a clicker for the parking lot and sit in the back of a warehouse for hours#talking to no one. ive literally gone days without talking to anyone there. its so lonely.#theres only so many audiobooks and podcasts and albums you can listen to before you think 'i would be ok getting hit by a truck tomorrow'#im going to hate these next few months but i just need time#and the lord works in mysterious ways because my other boss just started talking about hiring for mon/tues which are the days i work bad jo#so i would at least get those hours until i find something else stable. im going to try very hard not to be mean about it but im like...#hey girl this place sucks ass and you know it. im not negotiating#but thanks for that raise 9 months late#im giving you three weeks for find a replacement and i dont care if you fire me in that time#il work from home or panera or starbucks or library but im not stepping in that office again unless its for my minifridge and heater
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in 2021 I wondered "what if each MC had their own style? or... EARRINGS...?" and at the end of 2022 I spiraled. hope you enjoy.
(I just need everyone to notice each MC has a corresponding number of beauty marks and piercings. no, multiple piercings in one section do not count shhhhh. some MCs share small similarities, can you spot them all? the little details of this brought me great joy!)
MC 1's style is playful, colourful and everything fun. MC 2's style is cool, coordinated and a little edgy. MC 3 wears barely any clothing because I gave up 🖤 and I imagine Toji coerces him into ever having any semblance of modesty 🖤 MC 4's style is soft, comfy and pastels. and MC 5, I imagine, is a bit of goth, a bit of academia, and very put together.
ps. if you made it this far, here are the MC 3 "rejects". I like him the most with no lip piercings, but I think he definitely needs them. can you believe I redrew his face 4 times and yet never gave him clothes.
pps. every MC is named "Nii Juu San (23)" in my head, EXCEPT him. HIS name is Boobina 🖤
#housamo#tokyo afterschool summoners#housamo fanart#tas#do i have an art tag. i post once every 3 years why would i have an art tag#my art#pipe down moppet#alright okay now i can ramble as much as i want. LISTEN#i had SO much fun drawing this i havent drawn regularly since 2018 bc depression murdered me#and then BOOM brain started being normal and suddenly i drew nearly all of this in one weekend!!!!!!!#mc 1 i started in 2021 btw and completed and redrew last lol#little hint but mc 2 and 4 the twins. in my mind. have matchy under heart eye piercings. excited ab those BECAUSE#my classmate who is the biggest sweetheart had one. so i was like... i give to them...#i HC these two as particularly they/them nonbinaries btw. peep the earrings. want a pair#love mc 5 the most i think. look at his dragon earrings. at first my whole purpose of this was to give him kpop earrings n then i was like.#no way am i going to draw 24 dragons shoved into one person and NOT put any dragons on them. absolute blasphemy#love his earrings stares.#and of course i went with their original colour themes. bc i CAN 🖤#okay done talking now I think#hope you all like this as much as i enjoyed drawing it!!!!!!!!#genuinely makes me so happy to look at every time i see it im like =3c !!!!!!!!#i did that!!! incurable dysthymia eat my ass!!!!!!#could talk about this for an hour. will stop now.#love y'all! here's to more housamoing.#tumblr ate this post 3 times btw. hatred#PPPS !!!!! MC 1 chipped nail polish. so much serotonin. okay done for real.
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btw in case anyone cares Ithink Kim would be an avatar of the Eye . Harry too perhaps if not Spiral
#pk;m electrochemistry🔴#i am extremely tempted to assign the other Skills entities too and tbh I might have to anyway#as it's one fo thee Alignments we track for everyone in-sys#but jot right kow.#I also think it migjt be easy to figure out mine personally here if you know us & tma decently#also some Skills' would be obvious source-wise. Encyclo is obvs Eye aligned if he isn't smth is Fuckt#i have to read abt the others tho we never rlly memorized the Vibes fr em outside of Eye & Spiral#also half light is Slaughter coded. btw.#i don't think people can be more than 1 Entity's avatar right? bit they can be like. Monitored . by more than 1? idk havent listened 2 tma#in. years#Oh no brain don't. i don't have spoons to draw out what people would Look Like as avatars. fuck of
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...
#there should be a word for when youre talking around the tightness of tears#speaking against something that hurts#laughing specifically to undermine the seriousness of the statements youre voicing#the worst of both worlds. help me help me hahaha im not even joking hahaha but listen to the lies in my tone. dont focus on the words.#i want plausible deniability. but also i want u to understand my pain and give it a voice. speak it into existence because i cant say it#but if u do i might cry. that sounds hard that sounds like a lot. i kno i know. shut up. keep talking. do u think i dont feel it? i do#but if i split myself in two i can watch myself and suddenly it becomes funny. im not sure why. but i have a bad habbit of laughting at#inappropriate moments. because if its not funny then its just sad and what am i supposed to do with that?#i dunno. thats all to say my dad called bc i was looking at housing stuff and i was explaining some of the stuff im doing rn#and thats hard to talk abt without crying bc ive always been a cry bby but i didnt. and i love my parents theyre great#but they dont understand bc i havent told them all of it bc theres nothing they can do so y make them worry. and idk i also think they#think im less competent than i am. and part of that is just bc im their kid. part of that is bc there r things thst most ppl can do but i#struggle with. but its also not fun to hear: oh yeah i was surprised by how professional u sounded. or i think ur mom found u those#connections. when no. i did that. i made those things happen. i promise i can do things sometimes. but sometimes i cant. i dunno its just#it is what it is. whatever. decisions to b made. do i room with roommates for lower rent#or do i take an expensive place for a year for a single room? i dont want roommates but ill take them#i mean all the single places r like 950 at the very lowest without any utilities or anything but most r well over 1000 and like on a grad#student salary? i think not. not without losing money on net. i can deal with roommates. i have in the past. i wont b able to relax ever#but its fine. ya kno#just annoying. hah my dads sage advice was ah dont let it overwhelm u. go exercise. bc hes an endurance runner guy#and im like bro when i get home i have 1.5 hrs of daylight. but alas hes right. i do gotta run out my angers and its not enough#ugh. one more week. itll work out. and eventually ill walk into a counselors office like bro i just want u to tell me whether or not i have#0cd bc whatever the fuck it is that makes me do these things is absolutely destroying me. name the beast 0cd or 0cpd. tell me what box#i fit into. not that it matters but i feel like i cant complain until someone else rubber stamps me. actually then ill probably just obsess#abt how. actually. theyre wrong. ay fun times#i gotta shake shake shake my sillies out. and wiggle my waggles away. bc i never could let my kids songs go haha#unrelated
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okay here's the thing stripper was not that good of a song. but the theatrics?? the manwhore ism of it all?? the slutty cowboy??? the fire the bull the gay kiss the all of it?? and also mika's reaction. all that made it worthy of being promoted to finals. but the song IS kinda mid. but you cannot deny that achille lauro served absolute cunt.
#and also his backing band all slayed they look like guitar hero characters lol#im not still mad about it not qualifying i dont really care. i just think the live performance did something to me#i AM however still mad that slovenia didnt get through because they were literally high schoolers AND their song was soo good#u can tell its almost esc season the camp european music part of my brain is reactivating#anyways just queued a bunch of achille lauro gifs to the cowboy blog lol (orvillepeckofficial for the unaware)#eurovision#soon i will actually post about esc 23 instead of remaking posts i probably made in 2022 but whatever i havent listened to this years yet
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