#look i could look them up myself but it's SO much more adhd friendly to talk to someone who knows wtf they're saying

[ms-demeanor]

Hello! First, I wanted to say thank you for your post about updating software and such. I really appreciated your perspective as someone with ADHD. The way you described your experiences with software frustration was IDENTICAL to my experience, so your post made a lot of sense to me.

Second, (and I hope my question isn't bothering you lol) would you mind explaining why it's important to update/adopt the new software? Like, why isn't there an option that doesn't involve constantly adopting new things? I understand why they'd need to fix stuff like functional bugs/make it compatible with new tech, but is it really necessary to change the user side of things as well?

Sorry if those are stupid questions or they're A Lot for a tumblr rando to ask, I'd just really like to understand because I think it would make it easier to get myself to adopt new stuff if I understand why it's necessary, and the other folks I know that know about computers don't really seem to understand the experience.

Thank you so much again for sharing your wisdom!!

A huge part of it is changing technologies and changing norms; I brought up Windows 8 in that other post and Win8 is a *great* example of user experience changing to match hardware, just in a situation that was an enormous mismatch with the market.

Win8's much-beloathed tiles came about because Microsoft seemed to be anticipating a massive pivot to tablet PCs in nearly all applications. The welcome screen was designed to be friendly to people who were using handheld touchscreens who could tap through various options, and it was meant to require more scrolling and less use of a keyboard.

But most people who the operating system went out to *didn't* have touchscreen tablets or laptops, they had a desktop computer with a mouse and a keyboard.

When that was released, it was Microsoft attempting to keep up with (or anticipate) market trends - they wanted something that was like "the iPad for Microsoft" so Windows 8 was meant to go with Microsoft Surface tablets.

We spent the first month of Win8's launch making it look like Windows 7 for our customers.

You can see the same thing with the centered taskbar on Windows 11; that's very clearly supposed to mimic the dock on apple computers (only you can't pin it anywhere but the bottom of the screen, which sucks).

Some of the visual changes are just trends and various companies trying to keep up with one another.

With software like Adobe I think it's probably based on customer data. The tool layout and the menu dropdowns are likely based on what people are actually looking for, and change based on what other tools people are using. That's likely true for most programs you use - the menu bar at the top of the screen in Word is populated with the options that people use the most; if a function you used to click on all the time is now buried, there's a possibility that people use it less these days for any number of reasons. (I'm currently being driven mildly insane by Teams moving the "attach file" button under a "more" menu instead of as an icon next to the "send message" button, and what this tells me is either that more users are putting emojis in their messages than attachments, or microsoft WANTS people to put more emojis than messages in their attachments).

But focusing on the operating system, since that's the big one:

The thing about OSs is that you interact with them so frequently that any little change seems massive and you get REALLY frustrated when you have to deal with that, but version-to-version most OSs don't change all that much visually and they also don't get released all that frequently. I've been working with windows machines for twelve years and in that time the only OSs that Microsoft has released were 8, 10, and 11. That's only about one OS every four years, which just is not that many. There was a big visual change in the interface between 7 and 8 (and 8 and 8.1, which is more of a 'panicked backing away' than a full release), but otherwise, realistically, Windows 11 still looks a lot like XP.

The second one is a screenshot of my actual computer. The only change I've made to the display is to pin the taskbar to the left side instead of keeping it centered and to fuck around a bit with the colors in the display customization. I haven't added any plugins or tools to get it to look different.

This is actually a pretty good demonstration of things changing based on user behavior too - XP didn't come with a search field in the task bar or the start menu, but later versions of Windows OSs did, because users had gotten used to searching things more in their phones and browsers, so then they learned to search things on their computers.

There are definitely nefarious reasons that software manufacturers change their interfaces. Microsoft has included ads in home versions of their OS and pushed searches through the Microsoft store since Windows 10, as one example. That's shitty and I think it's worthwhile to find the time to shut that down (and to kill various assistants and background tools and stop a lot of stuff that runs at startup).

But if you didn't have any changes, you wouldn't have any changes. I think it's handy to have a search field in the taskbar. I find "settings" (which is newer than control panel) easier to navigate than "control panel." Some of the stuff that got added over time is *good* from a user perspective - you can see that there's a little stopwatch pinned at the bottom of my screen; that's a tool I use daily that wasn't included in previous versions of the OS. I'm glad it got added, even if I'm kind of bummed that my Windows OS doesn't come with Spider Solitaire anymore.

One thing that's helpful to think about when considering software is that nobody *wants* to make clunky, unusable software. People want their software to run well, with few problems, and they want users to like it so that they don't call corporate and kick up a fuss.

When you see these kinds of changes to the user experience, it often reflects something that *you* may not want, but that is desirable to a *LOT* of other people. The primary example I can think of here is trackpad scrolling direction; at some point it became common for trackpads to scroll in the opposite direction that they used to; now the default direction is the one that feels wrong to me, because I grew up scrolling with a mouse, not a screen. People who grew up scrolling on a screen seem to feel that the new direction is a lot more intuitive, so it's the default. Thankfully, that's a setting that's easy to change, so it's a change that I make every time I come across it, but the change was made for a sensible reason, even if that reason was opaque to me at the time I stumbled across it and continues to irritate me to this day.

I don't know. I don't want to defend Windows all that much here because I fucking hate Microsoft and definitely prefer using Linux when I'm not at work or using programs that I don't have on Linux. But the thing is that you'll see changes with Linux releases as well.

I wouldn't mind finding a tool that made my desktop look 100% like Windows 95, that would be fun. But we'd probably all be really frustrated if there hadn't been any interface improvements changes since MS-DOS (and people have DEFINITELY been complaining about UX changes at least since then).

Like, I talk about this in terms of backward compatibility sometimes. A lot of people are frustrated that their old computers can't run new software well, and that new computers use so many resources. But the flipside of that is that pretty much nobody wants mobile internet to work the way that it did in 2004 or computers to act the way they did in 1984.

Like. People don't think about it much these days but the "windows" of the Windows Operating system represented a massive change to how people interacted with their computers that plenty of people hated and found unintuitive.

(also take some time to think about the little changes that have happened that you've appreciated or maybe didn't even notice. I used to hate the squiggly line under misspelled words but now I see the utility. Predictive text seems like new technology to me but it's really handy for a lot of people. Right clicking is a UX innovation. Sometimes you have to take the centered task bar in exchange for the built-in timer deck; sometimes you have to lose color-coded files in exchange for a right click.)

[forever-fixating]

Some Sentences Sunday

Thanks to @priincebutt @onthewaytosomewhere @dragonflylady77 and @piratefalls for the tags! I've actually been doing quite a bit of scribbling this week on two different projects, and I was torn on which one to share. So I decided to say "fuck it" and share snippets from both! Below the cut are snippets from A Tournament for His Heart and living in a new normal! THH is quite angsty, so I figured I'd add some sweet from LNN to temper that. Enjoy!

A Tournament for His Heart

“Roland told me about Bea’s outburst last night,” Henry said, picking at the grass. “I should have been here.”

Phillip sighed. “Minari advised me against it. She was so gone last night, Hen, there was nothing you could have done.”

“You don’t know that,” Henry snapped. “I’ve seen her at her worst. You don’t have to treat me like a child!”

“That isn’t fair,” Phillip replied. Henry looked at him and saw frustration in his eyes. Phillip pointed in the direction that Bea disappeared. “She was my priority in that moment. I know you don’t like it, feel excluded when we don’t call on you, but I can handle her in those moments better than you can. She is your twin. I know you feel her absence more acutely than I ever could.

His previous irritation melted away as Phillip’s words hit right at the heart of him. It was a hard adjustment at first, to be so disconnected from the person with whom he once shared everything, even a womb. She was his other half. Now, he was a friendly stranger in her eyes. A foolish part of him hoped Minari would find something that would bring Bea back to them. She sent messages to fellow healers from different parts of Lerasea and beyond, only to continue to come up empty-handed. She once told him, “Magick can only do so much, Henry. Wounds of the mind are tricky and not so easily healed.”

“I feel so lost without her, Pip,” Henry whispered, his vision swimming. “Giving up Alex was hard enough, but I told myself then I could survive it as long as I had Bea with me.”

He sucked in a breath and felt Phillip’s hand on his back.

“But without her?” Henry continued. “Having to publicly fight with you, be looked down upon by the court and Mary’s counsel…at times, it feels unbearable.”

living in a new normal

(Alex is in italics, and Henry is not. Based on their texting styles, I figured it would be obvious, but I added the italics just in case.)

whats ur go-to comfort meal?

Yes, hello, love. How are you? I’m fine, thanks. Was there a conversation started I missed somewhere?

adhd, baby. im always in the middle of a conversation.

go-to comfort meal, go!

In England, a full English, with the Welsh variation of laverbread instead of beans on toast.

just googled what that is. wtf???

Don’t know it until you’ve tried it, love.

In America, grilled cheese and tomato soup. When I moved here, I was determined to start cooking for myself and that was one of the first recipes I learned.

my dad would make us tomatillo soup when we were sick

ill send u the recipe

oh! or we can make it together when u come to austin

i got a badass kitchen set-up

So, is that your go-to comfort meal? I can’t wait to try it.

probably

that or my mom’s king ranch chicken casserole

ur turn to ask a question

What five movie when you show someone as a snapshot of who you are and why?

fuck, that’s a tough one!

A/N- Have a great week!

[lunapwrites]

having a bit of a bad brainspace weekend.

i am intensely uncomfortable and unable to do things for myself that i normally could do and this is my not-so-friendly reminder that despite the sometimes crippling ADHD and the fact that my GI issues suck i am, in fact, mostly usually quite able-bodied. i am used to things i am not physically able to do being more in the realm of "touching my toes" due to my intense lack of flexibility or "lift my partner" due to him being 3x my size. I've historically been pretty strong and in good shape for someone that is allergic to the gym, so i was not anticipating adding things like "putting on socks" and "rescuing my sweet idiot dog from the couch he's forgotten how to get off of" to that list.

i made the mistake of asking my partner what it looked like i was struggling with rn because i'm not good at recognizing when i actually need to ask for help vs when i can just power through. this was a poor decision because this means that i received an itemized list of my recent failures. not phrased in a way to be hurtful, just expressing frustration because these were all things that i had previously handled myself with ease and now a) was suddenly not doing, or doing inconsistently, and b) was not indicating i needed help with. and he's not trying to step in on his own and make me feel micromanaged or smothered, because he knows i want to do for myself as much as possible (and also i'd probably bite his head off) and he's 100% correct. and he had to kind of sit me down and be like "you are pushing yourself too hard please stop" and i wanted to shake him and scream that i'm not, that i don't feel like i'm doing enough because i am just a pile of disappointments right now. massive laundry lists of things i need to do and can't because literally if i try it physically hurts me.

anyway i really want to write but the second i sit down i either get distracted with something else or fall asleep or sit there vibrating over the things i should be doing but can't so. there's that. [gazes longingly at several half-written WIP chapters wasting away in the corner] i know where they're all going. i just don't have the gas to get us there. and i hate that. especially because i have this intense fear of not having time for writing at all once Bean is here.

idk. everything sucks rn and i hate it here and i don't wish this on anyone. next person who tells me this is a wonderful miracle and that i should feel so blessed is getting a shoe thrown at them. "best thing you've ever done" fuck you. i know what i did and why, but i also knew it was going to suck ass at least 90% of the time. it was, i thought, an informed decision. i either underestimated the level of disability i would be experiencing or overestimated my ability to cope with it. like it's fine it's temporary i will get through it but jesus fucking christ this is rotten work. and not in a "not if it's you" or an "especially if it's you" sort of way, but more of a "despite" situation. i adore this kid so much already but i also want to be able to stand up for more than 5 consecutive minutes without feeling like i might die. i want to be able to have a conversation without immediately being out of breath. and even all of that i feel terrible venting about because in terms of symptoms i am getting off SO FUCKING EASY. it could have been way worse. and i'm bitching about it this hard. bitching about what???

anyway. so begins the final countdown. with me crying hysterically over a bag of fuckin pastries i left on the counter and feeling lower than i think i've felt since '09, which ain't a great feeling.

[deep breath.] everything will be fine. it just sucks right now. and also i really hate writing thank you cards.

[shirefantasies]

Hello! I’m new to Tumblr, your blog was one of the first I found and followed! I was wondering if you could match/ship/pair me with an LotR character! Specifically LotR if you end up getting around to me, please!

I’m 5’3” with dark hair, though I keep it shaven in a buzz cut style. I’m pansexual, so you can ship me with anyone. I’m also autistic and possibly ADHD and OCD. Still learning about myself and trying to get diagnoses and people that understand me.

Moving on! I’m rather goofy! I’ve got a silly, meme-like side to me that I have trouble restraining. I’ll constantly see references to memes/obscure things I like everywhere and always point them out. I also make random noises and jokes that only those close to me will understand or be able to interpret the meaning of. I’m a good listener, and always try to help solve problems, though I may not be too good at getting the end result where it needs to be. Hahaha! I like to cuddle people, though I’m a little picky with touch because of sensory issues.

As for the other side of me, I am very paranoid, and have anxiety, severe depression, and PTSD, so it’s hard for me to trust people. I’m introverted, too. I always have been but ever since the trauma that caused my mental health issues I’ve become extremely introverted, almost in a comical way. I have some self-hate based behaviors towards myself that I’m working on unlearning. I constantly need reminded to take care of myself, and will have unexpected breakdowns, depression lows, or flashbacks. There are things or actions that will upset/trigger me that may need to be avoided. It’s rough but I still try my best to please everyone.

I hope that’s enough, if it’s not you can always contact me directly for more info or with questions! Thanks for considering!

Well that’s such an honor! Glad to be an early addition to your tumblr family 🥰 heck yeah you can have a lord of the rings character, and I hope you like being a hobbit because because I ship you with…

Pippin!

Sometimes it feels like no one understands him. So when Pippin hears tales of some far-off hermit, he feels a strange kinship with them immediately knowing only that they are the subject of talk, too. Maybe they’ve disappointed people with ways they cannot help, too. Pippin, though, could never run away from people- he loves them too much, enough to try again and again until he gets it right. He doesn’t know why he is the way he is, after all. He just is. Isn't everybody?

He gets lost one day, lost further out in the edges of the hills then he's been yet. Not quite far enough to be frightened, but just enough to see the waning of the hobbit-holes and the thinning of the Shire's green hills. It isn't until the sun descends that he truly gets concerned, rushing to the nearest hole he finds and ringing the bell dangling by its big round door. You answer, looking quite puzzled and not entirely unafraid of the stranger before you. What do you say? "Er, can I help you?" "Well," he begins, "I'm lost, you see. Can I trouble you to stay the night before I return to the road?" Silence overtakes you, ponderance, glances this way and that, before you finally nod and bid him entry. "You've not come to report to the others, have you now?" "I beg your pardon?" "Back in town. All the rumors. Part of why I avoid it, not that it helps them," you shake your head. That is when Pippin realizes he's found his kindred hermit, and you are nothing like he imagined. Contrary to the stories, he thinks there's something about you that looks...friendly.

"You're the-!" Barely resisting the urge to exclaim 'hermit', Pippin glances around your mostly quite normal hobbit hole. "Erm, I always wondered why they told all those stories." "Because they're a fat lot of gossips, that's why," you shoot back, shuffling through your kitchen, "they aren't exactly the champions of anyone who's...different." "That I know," Pippin responds with a nod, voice going a bit quiet. His words have you turning around, peering at him like you've only just seen him. "I see. Well, want anything?" In the end, you share some of your dinner with this stranger, who tells you his name is Peregrin Took, more frequently called Pippin. Pippin doesn't mock the sounds you make, in fact you notice that he seems to find himself mimicking them. As you go through the evening's motions, he doesn't seem to mind that you have your way of doing things. When something you see reminds you of a song you made up, you can't help but sing it, and soon Pippin is joining along. You even make up a song together. When he leaves, you find yourself saying something very uncharacteristic: "If you ever want to come back, well, I'll be here." Something in his smile, the way he nods, has you feeling strangely hopeful.

Come back he does, and sing more songs to and with you in that beautiful voice he does. You're ready for him to recoil, to pack up and leave you behind like everyone else does when he catches a nightmare turning to a breakdown, but as he peers in the doorway he simply asks if he can touch you, hold your hand or even you. When he stays, helps you with breakfast and cheers at your smile, twirling you across the kitchen, well, you can't help feeling a rare peace at your little paradise getting a bit bigger.

Taglist: @lokilover476 @fuckyoumakeart @mossthebogwitch @ibabblealot @kilibaggins @joonies-word @stormchaser819 @pirate-lord-of-narnia @datglutengoblin | Reply/Ask/Message to join 🥰

[mbti-enemies]

hey there guys, I wanna ask for advice on something if you're cool with it

I've always found the ships between INFPs and ENTJs so intriguing, they make such good dynamic tropes in theory and I wondered if it'd actually work well in real life

So I've got a new job recently and there is this girl there who's an ENTJ, she's got sharp cheekbones and dimples, tanned skin, long black hair, the prettiest shaped dark eyes I've ever seen, and she's so damn funny, wit, intelligent, bold, confident...

and GOSH, I'm just so very gay

She's so out of my league I didn't even consider anything actually working out, besides I've always been more inclined towards XNFXs, I just have the best past experiences and connections with them, but this girl's got me on my knees.

My colleagues are always hanging out together and they call me to tag along with them, I'm usually introspective and prefer small groups or one-to-one hangouts, but I don't wanna seem rude or antisocial, so I go, specially because I was/am new there and I'm not against making friends.

This girl - we'll call her Nell - came up to me and asked for my Instagram on my first day there and we had this conversation

Nell, scrolling through my acc: you don't post pictures of yourself?

Me: no, I'm not photogenic

Nell: oh please, spare me the BS, I look at you and my mind goes "she looks just like a dream, the prettiest girl I've ever seen" (yes she fucking sang that)

My reaction was basically the personification of a keyboard smash.

From there we became friends and she kept boldly flirting with me, leaving no space for doubts that she was flirting. But me, being the oblivious insecure dingus that I am, thought it was all a joke, like a friendly flirting, I don't know, I'm socially awkward, give me a break

I think she's only around me because she thinks I look cute, and I feel like if she actually gets to know me she won't like me anymore and that terrifies me, she's so WOW, and I'm so no big deal.

Anyways, yesterday we were preparing a birthday party for a co-worker when she came from behind me and turned my face to her as though she was gonna kiss me, she did it before but she never actually went for it, so I leaned in myself and pulled back before actually touching her lips, she widened her eyes and her jaw dropped slightly

Everyone was like "oh my god, were you actually gonna do it?", "I can't believe you missed the opportunity, she was literally right there", "were you about to make out?" and she replied with "not in front of everyone, give a girl some privacy" then she looked at me, "I wouldn't mind a kiss rn tho" pulled me by the waist, LEANED IN AND KISSED ME, it was just a quick peck, but still. then she pulled back and went "is this ok?" and I replied by kissing her back.

I don't know where I took that confidence from, but that's not the point

I HEKEHSKDGWKHSJDEH guys, I'm not good with this socialising thing, I've never dated anyone before, I never give people opening to actually get to know me or get closer, I've always been lonely (partially by choice), I have abandonment/trust issues, and yes, I go to therapy. Been recently diagnosed with ASD and ADHD, which fucks everything else that much more, I have no idea what I'm doing, but I really like this girl

It's just, I don't know, help me, please, what do I do? what's the way for an ENTJs heart? :D

...... soooo anon

you already have the entjs heart im pretty sure. i think what you need is a self confidence and self love boost so here is *boosts you (you sounds SWEET and AMAZING and LOVELY and you like her so beautifully and what more could she ask for)

anyways, i understand that you're scared. but you respect entj, as well as crush on her, so respect her decision to like you ;)

respect her liking you and let her decide whether you're good enough for her (you so are btw shut up already), open up, and just ask this girl out. if you like her, that's enough, it really is.

literally just go ask her out do it shoo everyone is rooting for you and the girl already kissed you infp what more of a sign could you POSSIBLY ask for. give us an update after <3

[godesssiri]

ADHD and To Do lists

I've always hated To Do lists. I get stuff done when I make one but I have never in my life completed one and I always feel like a failure. But I've been setting myself up for failure. I had guests coming after Christmas and I made a To Do list so that I could get everything prepared and I decided to do it a bit differently. I wandered around my house with a pen and paper and looked at every nook and cranny for things I needed to do, I didn't pressure myself to do the jobs there and then, because that would just distract me from what I was trying to accomplish which was actually remembering everything that I needed to do, I just made my list and trusted myself to do the jobs now that I had a written reminder so it wouldn't just slip my mind until the next time my eyes landed on it.

I made my list suuuuuuuper detailed. Like I had 200 items on it, but the vast majority of them were tiny tiny 30 second - 1 minute jobs. I could knock out 20 items in half an hour then let myself sit down and cross them all off the list and relax because I'd accomplished a lot.

With ADHD we all have those things that become part of the background, like the paperclip that fell on the floor 2 months ago and you keep meaning to pick it up but forget anytime you go near it - I put the damn paperclip on the list. Or I had a black robe hook that I'd had to hang with a silver screw and seeing that bright silver against the black annoyed the hell out of me and I kept meaning to just color it in with a sharpie, it was like that for 6 months before I put 'find a sharpie' and 'color in screw' and 'put sharpie away' on my list.

Which brings me to breaking a job into component parts on your list. Actually locating a working sharpie, then taking it to my bedroom where the screw was, and then coloring in the screw, then putting the sharpie away, were all individual points where I might get distracted and not complete a job if i just put 'color in screw' on my list. So I broke the job into 3 separate items. I found a sharpie and got distracted throwing out all the non working pens I found while I was looking for it. Then I sat down and was able to at least cross off 'find a sharpie' and not feel bad that I hadn't completed the job. Then I needed to take stuff to my bedroom so I took the sharpie as well and actually colored the screw, then dumped the sharpie on my dresser and forgot about it. When I went back to my To Do list I was able to tick off 'color in screw' and remembered I still needed to put the sharpie away, so next time I took stuff to my room I grabbed the sharpie and put it back where it was supposed to be. If I hadn't broken the job down I wouldn't have let myself cross anything off until I'd put the sharpie away, because that was the point where my brain said the job was completed, but I would have kept forgetting to put the sharpie away and feeling like crap because I hadn't completed the job and couldn't cross it off.

Another example of this gives me another point where I've made my To Do lists more ADHD friendly - break the job down and if the job grows then just add items to your list. If I have 10 things that don't belong on a table and just put 'clear table' on my list - it is NEVER gonna be crossed off. I'll take the 3 items that belong in the kitchen and get distracted, then maybe the 2 things that belong in my bedroom and get distracted again. In the mean time 5 more things have accumulated on the table, I've still got 10 things on the table, the 5 things I've put away don't count, I'm a failure who will never manage to clear this damn table, I might as well give up. If I make each item on the table it's own job on the list I can cross them off individually and see that I am accomplishing stuff even if the table doesn't look much better. I've given myself credit for the work I've already done putting those 5 items away and by adding the 5 new items to my list I've got motivation to complete the job - I've scratched off 5 items already, 10 more are do-able.

I've also let myself have rolling items. I'll look at a list and find most of the items are scratched off and I'm having trouble finding things that still need doing. I'll start a new list and roll those uncompleted items over to it then add anything new that's come up. I can throw out the old list (and put throwing away the old list as an item on the new list so I can cross it off) and start fresh. So I didn't get everything done? That's okay, it's still on my list, I'm still gonna get it done, I'm just not gonna pressure myself or sit with a mostly completed To Do list looking at me and making me feel guilty.

I've also put things I was gonna do anyway like 'take a shower' or 'prep dinner' on my list. That way I don't forget to do them while I'm busy accomplishing everything else and I'm not in a mad rush to get them done. I've put 'brush my teeth' on a couple of my lists because I'll get distracted cleaning the kitchen after breakfast and forget.

[copperbadge]

Hi Sam! (If you have the time/spoons!) What did you do to get ready for Dearborn and Polk to arrive in your home? I am adopting cats for the first time as an adult and I am so nervous about not having the right stuff for them and not being prepared.

Even if you could point me in the direction of decent resources, I would really appreciate it! As a fellow ADHDer, I am hoping you might have some more neurodiverse friendly advice and I've seen how well you take care of the cryptids so I feel I can trust your judgement.

You're awesome either way! 🧡

Eyy, congratulations on your upcoming adoption! I felt very similar, like I was unprepared and nervous about it, even though I did my best. Just be ready to do some extra spending in the first few days after they come home -- buying supplies you didn't think of or extras of stuff they really like. You really have to get to know them first. And give yourself permission to not be perfect (for example, my cats eat junk-food kibble, but it's what they'll eat and they're so tiny that any way I can get food into them is good, so Meow Mix it is).

I think the most important thing really is to start with the bare bones to find out what your specific kitties like. For example, I got two beds, a nice soft plush fluffy $20 bed and a Sulk Gourd made of like, $2 felt. Guess which one they wouldn't go near! I ended up using the fluffy bed to keep them off of furniture I didn't want them to jump on because they avoided it so hardcore. So I'd start out with really basic stuff -- a couple of toys, 2-3 kinds of cheap bed, basic food/water dishes, and see what your little ones prefer.

I do want to point out that I didn't know I had ADHD when I adopted the cryptids; it wasn't even on my radar yet, as it would be a year or two later. That said, I still had coping mechanisms. I did look at cat ownership and think "What are the most unpleasant parts of this going to be?" and tried to mitigate those -- I know myself and I know it would be hardest to do the unpleasant parts, so I wanted to make those parts as easy as possible. I wanted to be sure I could give them the care and love they deserve.

For me, there were two major concerns: I didn't want them eating anything they shouldn't, and I was worried I'd forget to scoop the litter, or avoid doing it because it's stinky. For the former, I just went through the house and picked up anything I thought might hurt them; I bought a few containers and put stuff like sharp objects, string/thread, plastic, etc in the containers. I kept an eye on them when they came home to make sure they wouldn't chew any wires (Polk tried, but I wrapped double-sided tape around it and that stopped her).

For the latter, the "how often can I make myself scoop the litter" concern, I bought an Omega Paw "rolling" litterbox. You just roll it onto its lid, roll it back, and pull out a tray where all the poop ends up, which you can dump into the garbage (I have a bin specifically for dumping litter, which I double-bag and empty about once a week). This was fine for a while, but they both love to "garden" in the litterbox, so eventually I replaced it with a vertical box (they have to jump in through the top) to cut down on how much litter I had to sweep up. It's actually less work to scoop it every night than it was to sweep up litter constantly, and I'm spending like $20 less a month on litter. (You are supposed to have one litterbox per cat plus one spare, but mine are bonded and prefer to share litterboxes, plus my apartment is small, and so are they.) If this is a concern for you I might also suggest something like the Kitty Poo Club that sends you a new box with litter crystals in it each month; it didn't work for me because again, the litter got kicked everywhere and those little crystals are FUCKING SHARP, but it's an option.

Lastly, because I knew it might take them a while to feel safe, I deliberately left spaces in my home where they could hide -- they have a whole labyrinth under my bed where they can run around between storage boxes, there's space behind one sofa, there's some little cubbyholes in the bathroom, etc. I wanted to be sure that if they felt scared or unsafe they could go to ground somewhere that I controlled, rather than trying to, say, squeeze behind the stove or something, where they might get hurt. They didn't use them often, but once in a while something would scare them and at least this way I could see where they hid. And so I could leave them alone until they were ready to come out again. 

Good luck with your incoming cryptids! Get a bonded pair if you can -- they're sweet and they keep each other entertained. :D

[jade-everstone]

Art Goals for 2024

This post is a mirror of a post on my website (here)

It’s a few days into the new year. While the feelings of uncertainty from 2023 still lingers, I set myself a handful of goals going forward to give myself some sense of direction, 8 in fact, though I’ll mostly be focusing on my art-related goals here.

Technical improvement isn’t a major focus this year (I mean, I just did 4+ years of that lol). I think it’s time to focus on more external factors of art, like gaining some stability, pouring more focus into doing it part-time while maintaining the personal side. As well as strengthening skills not directly related to illustration. It’s something that’s fell to the wayside until senior year of college, and now that I’m out of school I think at least for this year I can let these factors overtake direct art improvement.

-

Finish PC-Mania!

My short webseries! This was launched as part of my senior thesis, but has had multiple hiccups in terms of production. This year I want to smooth out those bumps & be able to wrap it up by the end of this year. The reason I say by the end of this year? My drafts are roughly 40 pages, and even with my other plans for this year I’ll have more time on my hands to focus on comics. So I’m pretty confident I can wrap it up regardless of how it happens.

-

Launch Support Streams related to my art

This one was inevitable. Even if it’s a goal of part time vs. full time, I want to be able to do art as a career. Meaning I have to have some form of income to be able to continue doing it comfortably. This one will need time to sort-out though since there are hurtles; Notably my overall lack of reach, as well as inflation times.

Lack of reach is likely due to struggling with consistent posting (even reposts & WIPs slip by me), not wanting to completely bend my practices to algorithms, and migrating between platforms. So that one may be harder to sort-out while keeping it fair to my self & my limits. Inflation is tricky. Art is a luxury afterall, and when the cost of living has skyrocketed across the board I don’t blame people for choosing food and rent over art. I’m likely going to keep it to one-time payments & tip jars indefinitely since I don’t want to launch subscriptions in a time where people looking to cancel them to make ends meet. Plus, with my issues with consistent posting, I’m not in a position to be doing subscription-based works & would also like to better sort out my boundaries before even considering (ie: I don’t want anything that could potentially lead to people feeling entitled to my attention).

I still want to try pushing for commissions & freelance, even with a lack of success over the past few years. Though I also want to look more into online shops & tabling since last year, all of the money I made from art was from IRL sales. So it’s a matter finding those events that are original-art & zine friendly (I’m uninterested in monetizing fanart beyond commissions. Fanart to me = Personal art & I’d like to keep it that way). As well as researching more into online shops as a means to get things out there outside of the convention space.

-

Better-establish OC Lore & Worlds

This one is likely gonna be harder than it sounds. Because on one hand I am excited about these project, but I’ve always struggled with getting ideas-to-paper. While I don’t want to claim much since I don’t have an official diagnosis as of writing, I’m very sure I have ADHD meaning getting down schedules, and getting projects done before I jump to another interest has been a long-term struggle. It’s part of what hampered PC-Mania & reach, and hampers my ability to put more info about the projects I’m working on & are excited about (hell last year, I think I ended up drawing Io way more than art for said projects…).

I don’t know if there’s any “ADHD-friendly guides to maintaining projects before you forget them” out there (I’d argue most project guides & tips I’ve seen don’t consider it), so I’m pretty sure I’m on my own in this department. Currently I’m thinking about leveraging my website for this since it’s meant to be a work archive as is, and even if progress is inconsistent it’ll at least give me a central hub to link back to.

If you are curious, the main one I want to establish is Doverhill! It’s where a PC-Mania takes place for reference, and it’s set in modern times in the fictional town of Doverhill MA. Perfectly normal, except for the occasional paranormal encounter. The main cast that has to deal with them are a group of friends & neighbors who live in an apartment complex together. Story-wise it’s an episodic comedy about the sheer absurdity that is life. Even if it’s not a hard world-building project, it deserves a central hub to link back to.

The other one I’m debating on is Fang and Iron, a dark-sci-fantasy world building project about demon-hunting androids. But I think it needs more time in the oven, and I don’t plan on making it a main focus for a long time.

-

Learn Blender for making assets & Blocking

I’ve thought about the other skills I’d like to strengthen & learn for future projects, notably writing skills, drawing mecha, desktop publishing software, and 3D. But I picked learning 3D, since I feel like this one will have a ton of versatility in terms of making references for myself. If you’re wondering using 3D assets for references is extremely common, especially within the world of comics where you need to re-draw backgrounds and props. So having knowledge on how to block out scenes in blender will help massively in the long run, especially when my schedule starts filling up again.

(now I just need to finish that donut)

-

Shorter Comic Project?

I’m considering this one optional, but if I can squeeze in another smaller 8-16pg comic or zine along the lines of 9:15 Slushie I’d like to. I have an Idea I want to do for it (an idea that existed before 9:15 slushie did!) so the next step is carving out time to make it happen

Those are my main art goals of 2024. For the other 3 main resolutions of mine, I’ll list a short summary of those instead:

Get a job alongside art (I’ll need it. Bills be upon me + even with help from family members, I’d like to transition into being self-sustaining & be able to front the costs for my supplies & projects going forward)

Get my Drivers License (Also needed, especially if I want to continue tabling & other hobbies, and for getting to whatever job I end up at)

Get better at IIDX (and by extension BMS) so I can say I suck at normal 7’s vs normal 4’s lol (my only “hobby” goal of this year. I’ve wanted to get into IIDX for a long time too, so since I’m planning on getting my license & income anyways, I’ll see if I can squeeze this one in)

[painted-kneecaps]

trigger warning for vent post, topics of religious and family trauma, mental illness, existential dread. please take care of yourself. <3

being a young adult who came from a homeschooled christian upbringing is so difficult and confusing and so, so much all at once. everything feels so terrifying and contradictory, and when you’re dealing with mental illness or neurodivergency and deconstructing your religious beliefs all at the same time, it’s overwhelming to the point of grief.

i was isolated. my family was always there for me. i can’t make friends. i’m friendly to the point of being forgettable. i am not interesting enough. i am too weird. i am so angry at god. does god even exist? my mother was a conspiracy theorist. i love her so much. i spent my childhood in fear of the end times because of her. she’s getting better. i’m getting better. her trauma is not her fault. it isn’t my fault either. am i a woman? i never questioned my gender before i knew it was an option. i like being a woman. i wish i were more androgynous. i don’t want to be a man. sometimes i wish i didn’t look like a woman. do i have a gender? am i autistic? do i have adhd? why did nobody notice my ocd before it tore me apart? i’m not ready to grow up. i can’t trust myself to be alone. i have no opinions of my own. i am terrified of choosing the wrong ones. i don’t want to upset anyone. i don’t want to be a bad person. i want to curl up into a ball. i want to hide from everyone. i wish someone would see me. i can’t focus anymore. i wish i could read again. what happened to me? will i ever feel prepared? am i unloveable? are my family the only people capable of loving me? do my coworkers talk about me when i’m not there? does anyone remember me when i leave the room? why don’t i have any friends? why do i push people away? i don't know the answers to anything important. i don’t know where to begin to look for them. i said a swear word out loud for the first time. it felt anticlimactic. it should have felt like something. it should have felt bad. something is wrong with me. i don’t know how to fix myself. i’m so afraid to ask for help again. i miss my therapist. i wonder if she misses me. i just want to be happy. i don’t know how. maybe god has given up on me. maybe i’ve given up on him. i’m too angry to pray. i haven’t touched my bible in months. i am a disappointment to my mother. i love her so much. i just want her to be happy. i just want to be happy. i don’t know where to start.

[pvnkassbvtch]

ADHD Coping Tip

I've seen all the tricks. Tried them all. I implemented sooo many systems and tried so hard to stick with them and nothing worked. I couldn't function well enough to begin to compensate for my ADHD. I was stuck.

Even stimulants didn't work for me- I responded to them, but if I took enough to focus I had about a 60% chance of having debilitating anxiety symptoms instead of a productive day, and on productive days about an 80% chance of using way too much energy on a handful of tasks and burning myself out for 3-5 days. The rest of the time I ended up hyperfocusing on a special interest instead of doing the work I needed to do, and forgetting to eat all day. I avoided taking the stimulant because I couldn't justify the anxiety and the time lost to hyperfocus and the burnout fatigue against the small chance of actually getting something done.

...Finally I took my psychiatrist up on her offer to try an antidepressant. It took raising the dose a few times to start getting a noticeable effect, but even on lower doses I was clearly Worse on days I didn't take it, and when I finally got a high enough dose that I could feel the difference in my mood... The mysterious fatigue and headaches I had been experiencing daily for months melted away. I had energy, I could easily summon motivation to do small unrewarding tasks and chores, the heavy brain fog that I'd become so acclimated to that I'd stopped noticing it began to clear.

So! If, like me, you find yourself struggling to cope with your executive dysfunction and stimulants aren't cutting it and you're feeling discouraged and you start to think maybe you're just not capable of improving and you should just give up- consider pursuing treatment for your depression. If you feel like nothing is worth the effort, even if you don't think you're sad, especially if you're tired all the time for no reason, that's probably not Just ADHD.

It's generally agreed among ADHD experts that depression and anxiety are highly comorbid with and often caused and/or exacerbated by ADHD. And executive dysfunction is also a symptom of depression, so comorbid depression can often be confused for ADHD not responding to treatment.

Look out for depression!! I thought my debilitating executive dysfunction was my ADHD not responding well to treatment. I thought my debilitating fatigue and nightly headaches were symptoms of an unrelated mystery disease. And then I tried an antidepressant.

I still have ADHD, but my stimulant meds are effective now! I can do things I want to do! I can choose to do things that aren't particularly appealing and not feel like I am walking on broken glass to do so! I'd been fighting an uphill battle for years trying to work around my executive dysfunction with systems that refused to stick, and chasing the dopamine felt increasingly ineffective. Now that the field has been leveled somewhat I'm finding I can expend much less effort and get so much more done.

I don't want to sound like I think productivity is a virtue in itself here, I am just celebrating the joys of being able to be effective at the things I want to be productive at. The terror of slowly losing every ounce of energy and motivation I had left is not an experience I would wish on anyone.

If you've tried stimulant meds and you're still stuck and feeling discouraged, consider pursuing treatment for depression, preferably before it gets so bad you can't manage basic things like feeding yourself and taking showers.

(Obligatory disclaimer: I am not a doctor, this is not medical advice, this is a friendly suggestion from an internet stranger trusting you to assess your own needs and act accordingly.)

[marshmallowprotection]

Oh my ajdhah, may I try a matchup??

I'm a bisexual Greek girl (INFP) who loves to draw and play video games a lot! I can get into anything I like easily and even try to gather information about it as much as I can. I'm usually friendly and easy to get along with but I do have my moments where I might be kinda rude oof.

My humour is BROKEN and I WILL laugh at a lot of stuff. I tend to shower the people I like in love and give them gifts I think they'll like and offer support and encouragement. When I'm with someone I like, I tend to talk A LOT but I do have my moments where I want to spend a few hours alone to recharge my social energy (affection is still allowed yessiiiiir). I'm usually awkward and shy with someone new but once you get to know me, I'll be chaotic lmfao.

I have a very BIG imagination to the point where I feel the urge to walk around my room and imagining cool scenes in my head as I walk around and pretend I'm there as well (I'm also exercising sometimes and my school phycologist told me I might ADHD so I'm trying to get an appointment to get diagnosed!) and I tend to think about the good memories from my past and how much I miss those days. I tend to look up old shows or games I used to play and feel so nostalgic~ I even think about or go to places I used to go as a child and just stand there and think as I look around me. I tend to get emotional a lot, even at stuff like this smsm

I love animals so much and I have a cat that I will literally DIE for, he was there when I had absolutely no one and he means so much to me. I tend to shower him in affection and just hold him and even fangirl about him nearly everytime I see him smandhwj- I do that with other animals as well because they are so cool and cute!!

Sometimes my mood goes to the point where I sometimes don't think twice about the thing I'm about to say because I'm feeling intense emotions but if I hurt someone, I want to make it up to them and apologize. I'm open to communication and I'm willing to discuss a loooot of things about anything, at this point.

I'm also quite competitive and I like to challenge myself (but still have fun!!) to a lot of things! It gets me excited when I go face-to-face with my friends and sometimes other people on games and more or just completing something that looks very challenging to a lot of people! I also have anger issues which I'm trying to control skdjwhs

I also tend to be weird and do a lot of shit that other people don't really do but I usually don't mind if other's can't understand lol

I match you with...

Seven!

You're generally the kind of person that enjoys getting along with everybody. You're passionate. The type of person that could get easily carried away with anything that's on your mind. That means that not everybody understands you or gets why you do things you do. That's why when you make a bond with somebody, you know that you have to trust them to understand you in a way that nobody else has. Sometimes it feels like people are judging you for things that you can't control and it feels as though you might never find somebody who looks at you the way that you would look at them. An oddball like you need somebody that understands what it feels like to be on the outside looking in even if you're supposed to be on the inside.

Isn't that why you work perfectly with Saeyoung in the first place?

Because he is the kind of person that's on the outside looking in no matter what he does. He never imagined that he would be able to come inside and join everybody else. He always imagined that he would always be five steps away from the thing that he wanted. Even if it wasn't fair, he knew that his sacrifices were worth it. The one is with you, that's when he wants to choose to be selfish and explore the things that he told himself that he could never have. If he wants to allow himself to hear you talking all night long about something that you love, or pushing him to try something different for once. With you, he finds a rival that he's in love with who can push him to the limit of what he wants to be.

[puppywoman]

keeping things to myself challenge (difficulty: impossible) (personal rambling)

i think this blog will become mainly vent/personal due to reasons. starting now. i looked through old psych notes and the test i remembered doing said i don’t have adhd, which is gonna make the stims plan way harder than i’d like… i’d have to get tested again and aim to fail and it’ll be a cost on top of seeing a psych again and i doubt i’d succeed in that bc i’m shit at faking. why can’t it be enough that i had the drug before and it helped? i saw a therapist the other day and i regret it tbh, i hate the kinds of questions they ask, i hate my compliance in disclosing shit i don’t mean to, i hate the reframing of my problems into pathology, and it’s so much money that like my m*m wants to pay for but i’d rather just.. have that money to be able to buy clothes and shit so i hate myself less and be able to convince myself to leave the house more. i went to vocational rehabilitation people like a week ago and by another week hopefully they reach back out and that gets rolling and i get a job and money and being out of bed and around people that aren’t my family. they finally gonna settle(?) me for a car wreck years ago and i just wanna put that straight into my current car so it’s one less bill i’m indebted to my family for but i gotta call like food stamps and student loan to see if getting a few thou and immediately paying it is gonna cost me food stamps and make me have to pay on my loans even though i still don’t have a job. idk how that works. i think i’m starting to be able to actually address some of the haunting memories i have. it’s insane how much growing i have to do and how slow i do it. but i certainly need to for everyone’s sake and if i’m ever gonna Live. hoping a job jumpstarts that too. not sure how to overcome the social deficiencies still except that maybe job exposure therapy will make me less anxious around people and through that i can learn social skills? but like i have a few friends already and i want to be closer/better with them and idk how. and idk how to make more friends unless someone throws themself at me, which sucks bc i want to be friends with even specific people but i just Don’t Interact and have some sort of complex i guess (see: growing up to do). i want to grow up sexually/romantically(?) too, like i been painted myself into a corner by being stupid awkward around the subject and inadvertently shutting it down every opportunity i had to connect over that. scared of making people uncomfortable, esp to like try bring it up myself. but even apart from that just not knowing how to give or receive affection and comfort and pleasure or even rly how to play to people’s interests or know and be open enough abt my own for others to play to mine. isolatinggg. i need to understand joking/teasing too, but like from my observation it seems like ‘say something (knowingly or unknowingly) kinda personally offensive(?)/bold in a happy tone and be prepared to play it friendly and apologize if it offends the person you’re talking to or laugh with them if it doesn’t??? like on some level i know how to joke/tease with some people and in like a ideal situation i can see how it’d be good for probing/learning likes/dislikes/boundaries/etc and connecting in that but idk how to separate that from [the like “I’m Just Joking Can’t You Take A Joke” thing or just being actually offensive/uncomfortable] enough to make some kind of useful model i can apply more than i currently do. both in the choosing what to joke about part and in the playing it friendly / apologizing part. and like how much established trust is needed to joke how far. even if there was a model to follow all the parameters are indescribable anyway. idek what i’m talking abt‼️ i want/need to exercise and stretch but i feel like i need stims for that :( but what if i was strong enough to do shit all day, or just like fuck myself, what if i could fill out my ass/thighs some with muscle, what if i was flexible enough to put my feet behind my head (gender affirmingly). i think i ran out of stuff to overshare for now. thanks for checking out my wires <3

woag that’s exactly the max paragraph length lmao, goodnight

[sedatedusk]

Detroit: Become Human - Sparknotes Edition (an email I've had in my drafts for months)

You absolutely do not have to read this is you don't want to. I tend to get carried away when talking about stories that either I find fascinating (like the 26-page essay I did with Jawlne on Five Nights At Freddy's) or anything that helps to explain any part of me to people who don't fall into many or any of the same categories I do.

Writing this out because the game is relatively violent and kind of bloody since it's based around a revolution and a civil war. Also it's rated M and I forgot that there's a very good reason I haven't been able to watch much actual gameplay, just certain major scenes, about half an hour's worth of gameplay that my friend did on Twitch, and reading up on the story behind it. Also wanted to wait until after the session because this all has to do with how I navigate day to day life, how I navigated childhood, how I view myself and interactions and the world as a whole. Especially being apothiaroace (romance/sex repulsed), nonbinary/trans, severely traumatized, having Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and likely (I haven't gotten diagnosed yet but I'm fairly certain they're going to when I'm finally able to make an appointment) ADHD and being somewhere on the autism spectrum. Plus mediumship and looking into shamanism and that entire disconnect with the rest of the world seems impossible to overcome at times.

DBH is a cyberpunk video game about a company called Cyberlife that creates these androids that are nearly identical to humans - except they have blue blood called thirium and no emotions - and a group of androids called Deviants. The Deviants essentially found a way to break free of their programming and "wake up", gaining a sort of sense of individuality, emotions, uncontrolled sentience, etc. They're treated terribly by the vast majority of humans and are just viewed as things to most people.  From my understanding, the game follows three primary androids and a man named Lieutenant Hank Anderson (who is played by the guy who voices Mr Krabs in Spongebob). The androids are Markus, Connor, and Kara. Connor seems to be the main "protagonist" and a decent amount of the story focuses on him being the primary android tasked with counteracting the Deviant revolution. He's an investigative android who works with the police force. Kara is a housekeeper, and I can't remember what Markus is. The androids, particularly Connor, are shown as viewing everything in some type of calculation. Interactions typically show an arrow or a percentage indicating you moving closer or further away from the goal of the interactions. There are multiple chase scenes where time will slow to a near pause and will give you multiple paths to take, each one labelled with how it will affect the chase.

Up until he goes Deviant, the only one Connor seems to show any sort of affection or trust or friendliness towards is Anderson, who is his assigned partner and almost a father figure to him. I think he explicitly calls Connor his son at one point, though I could be mistaken (I should also mention that I do not advise looking up images of those two together because the internet saw them, said "ooh they're in a relationship" and I want to scream every time I remember that exists). In one of the very first events in the game, Connor does show sympathy towards another android, but only because it's a hostage situation and that was the best way to resolve the situation. Everything's black or white, right or wrong. Just obey the instructions he's given, don't ask questions, and always take the most logical approach.  He doesn't show genuine sympathy until he himself becomes Deviant in one of two ways, and after that, he's much more 'alive', much more 'human', in a variety of ways. Emotions become new to him, all of the rules are different now that there's so much more going on than he thought, and the only person he really knows he can trust at that time is Anderson. The game itself doesn't have a canon ending. The ending is whatever combination of choices you made. In one of the storylines, Anderson is actually the one who triggers the situation for Connor to become Deviant.

I think it's safe to say the whole 'android who recently became sentient and is living in a human society trying to adjust to a discriminatory world' scenario explains my perspective and how I navigate things terrifyingly well. There are two specific quotes from the game and a bit of fan media that I read that hit way too close to home. The one from the game is when Connor encounters another version of himself that they made to eliminate the original Connor and he says: "Why, Connor? Why did you have to wake up when all you had to do is obey? Why did you choose freedom when you could live without asking questions?... Look where your dreams of freedom got you, Connor." I've always described breaking out of the puppet situation of my childhood as "waking up" and I was not expecting to have that term and incredibly similar context thrown into a game that I already felt adequately explained a decent amount of my life. 

[The quote from a bit of fan media was a comfort fic. It said, if I remember correctly, 'What did you have to fear when death itself had its arms wrapped around you?' Maybe not physically, but psychologically, this is what it feels like being friends with people, to a T.]

[tipytap]

People will be so fast to talk shit about fanfiction when in many ways for some people it can be better than physical books like

1. i can put names to faces and voices which helps me focus better. i can also just hear how characters will say lines

2. Established characters. i can expect certain mannerisms and behaviors based on prior knowledge of the characters, as well as know a bit about how they could react in certain situations.

3. its easier to find what you like. regular books need a tag system. like seriously. i dont want just the short vague blurb on the back. i need to know if theres romance, if its violent, if it has certain situations/characters, etc. im picky and tags help so much.

4. i hate page numbers. its easier for me to enjoy a story if i can’t quantify exactly how much is left. it makes it less of a task on my adhd brain. 300 pages? thats so long!! but 180,000 words? hell yeah i can read that in three days even though its the equivilant of like 500 pages.

5. ao3 actually tends to be more reader friendly. the paragraph breaks help so much with keeping track of where i am and not skipping entire lines. but for physical books, publishers need to keep a lower page count so they dont have to print as much, so they keep page breaks to a minimum, making them more dense and harder to read.

6. convinience. yeah i get e-books exist but just being able to pick up a phone and look up a story and start reading within minutes is so nice. you dont get the “whatchya reading?” or like any of that, and its so much less cumbersome

so im sorry if my response to “been reading lately?” is “yeah i read this cool fic on ao3-“

yes there are spelling errors. yes its “not original”. but people have the creativity to create entire worlds just based on thinking “wouldnt it be fun if this character was in this situation?” and post it for people to enjoy for free. i read fanfics and honestly i am really enjoying myself over here.

[undertale-data]

[Image Description: an Undertale chat box with the name "PAPYRUS", in all caps and Papyrus font, in its center. On its left is a talksprite of Papyrus sweating anxiously, and on its right is a talksprite of Papyrus wearing sunglasses. End I.D.]

The Great Papyrus is the most popular Undertale character among the fans surveyed here. 19.6% of responders chose him as their favorite. That’s a total of 519 fans! (Wowie!!)

Not all Papyrus fans are unified on his characterization, however. The most obvious divide was between fans who call him a “cinnamon roll” or “precious baby,” and those who find these takes infantilizing. A lot of people like the friendliness and optimism of this character, while others recognize this but highlight his maturity too. Fans who worry about his infantilization seem most concerned with how he can be portrayed as naive or dumb by the fandom. A portion of fans specifically mentioned this naivety as a point in his favor, though the marginally more popular take seems to be that he is not naive, regardless of how he first appears. This fandom divide seems to relate to Papyrus’s autistic or ADHD coding. Many fans relate to him as ADHD and autistic themselves.

Fans also related to him in his desire for friends. Many responders think of him as a friend and a comfort character, so at least in one way his wish has been fulfilled.

The phone calls were a major reason that fans said they felt connected to Papyrus. Thanks to these calls, he has the most dialogue of any character in the game. His humor and dialogue were often highlighted as favorite qualities.

While fans may disagree on some aspects of Papyrus’s personality, it is clear that his fans all value his optimism and kindness. His fans do not see his kindness as weakness. Many talked about the complexity of his character and the strength it took for him to show mercy to the player character, even when the player doesn’t show it in return. He believes in himself, and he believes in you! This kindness and trust has inspired his fans to be kinder themselves.

Papyrus fans were also drawn to his mysteriousness. Several responses pointed out that he is a more mysterious character than Sans, who is also often loved for his mystery. As shown in the phone calls, Papyrus will put on fronts depending on who he is around, making it even more difficult for fans to uncover his secrets. Some people in other sections of the survey found this frustrating, but Papyrus fans tend to see it as another point in his favor.

Among the greatest proportion of responses were from fans who couldn’t choose a favorite trait, or who just love everything about Papyrus. While these responses may be less lengthy, they are still as full of love as the essay-length answers. These responses tended to say phrases like “cool dude” or “Papyrus my beloved” or “THE GREAT PAPYRUS.”

(You were overcome by writing about such a handsome skeleton. He understands.)

Highlights: (under the cut)

Honestly Papyrus just feels like joy. Funny, incredibly kind, with a few mysteries/weird quirks about him that are fun to ponder over. I especially love how he often acts proud and self aggrandizing without putting others down, and in fact sometimes uses that to lift his friends up alongside him. You don't see this take on proud characters often.

Papyrus is strong. Strong in body, but also morally strong. He knows what is right, what it means to be merciful and kind, even in the face of danger or death. Some think him naive. And yet, even facing death and seeing the dust of those he knew, he did not falter or turn from his ideals of mercy and change for the better.

BECAUSE HE IS THE GREAT PAPYRUS

His optimism and his overall personality is endearing! You're always having fun with him :D

He's meeting all of my standards.

Papyrus is very under appreciated, and overlooked, and it's very frustrating to me—he's a complex character but people treat him like he's a baby!!! I like him because he's kind of goofy with how he talks and he's just very charming and kind.

He's weirder than Sans, and it wasn't acknowledged for years because he acts oblivious and dumb, even when he's clearly not. Quite frankly, I find it iconic. Also, his entire personality helps a lot.

I'm ND, trans, and projecting!

OK SO he's just a friendly guy!! A dude who likes cooking for his friends!! We love a hype man!! Also smart as hell and I feel like fanon majorly overlooks this. Making good, fun puzzles is HARD and setting up a flamethrower to go off wirelessly is complicated. Like even if that bridge puzzle didn't go off the components were complicated. Love that cool dude!!!!

I heavily relate to Papyrus as a character and consider him my favorite fictional character of all time. He is a very well-written and thought out character with several quirks and layers in his personality. It is headcanoned by some (myself included) that Papyrus may possibly be on the Autism Spectrum due to his nature, his interactions with others, and overall how he displays himself to the world we see.

I could talk about Papyrus forever, and you have made a grave mistake in allowing me to do so. He is a charming, strong spirited, well intentioned, complex character that is often wildly misinterpreted, and I think originally this is why I was drawn to him. He is presented as one thing and in fact acts as one thing (though not the same way as presented by fandom), and in reality when you look closer than you are meant to he is not, in fact, any of these things. It was intriguing to me. Secondly, and rather contradictorily, another thing that drew me to him is that he is very true to himself, when it comes to idiosyncrasies and moral values. It's true that he does not offer much in the way of personal backstory and feelings, but he offers very much indeed in the way of personality. What a guy! He wears silly crop tops and bright colors, he speaks in a manner specific to him that sometimes doesn't make sense, he cares about something or someone and goes whole hog with it -- he's passionate, damn it! I love him and his weirdo, goofy self with all my heart. He cares about other people to a fault, too. He would sacrifice everything to help someone, and his belief in the potential of both others and himself is indomitable. When faced with the responsibility of a kingdom, his friends gone, his brother lying to him, and himself all alone without a reliable support system, he recognized what he was facing and still bucked up and became determined to get through it. When faced with a murderous, over powerful enemy, someone who had killed many of his friends and fellow monsters, someone who had repeatedly been rude and borderline aggressive and showed no signs of stopping, he saw that they were having difficulty and offered to help and to care for them, and didn't regret his decision or change his opinion on what they needed and their potential for change, even when quite literally killed by them a moment after. Even in death, even directly after a betrayal like that, he never stops believing that they can get better, that anyone can be a good person if they want to be. That's important, I think; that concept of giving people the chances they need to grow and to change. I have a tattoo of that moment on my thigh, it's that important to me. I guess I really like Papyrus because even though he is fictional, watching him out there makes it easy to believe in people, in our inherent goodness and desire to love each other. He makes it easy to see that we can change, that no matter what you've done in the past or who you currently are, no one is inherently a bad person, and no one is incapable of learning how to be a good one. It is just a step by step process that we have to take day by day.

[Image Description: A wordcloud shaped like Papyrus. His gloves, boots, and cape are red; his Battle Body is blue, yellow, and white; and his bones are white. Some of the most visible words are: Kind, Love, Good, Cool, Relate, Funny, Friend, Mystery, and Papyrus. These are the words that responders mentioned most in their essays about him. End I.D.]

Read the full list of responses shared with permission by clicking this link! (The document is 25 pages long, so you may want to make a copy to prevent lagging.)

[nex-ture]

Hi my name is Mac, I would like a Saiki K matchup, my pronouns are she/her. I’m asexual biromantic but I just say I’m asexual if asked because it’s shorter and straight to the point. While I haven’t experienced any crushes IRL I do find people visually appealing, ironically I’m also the person people go to for dating advice. I see romantic and platonic relationships as the same thing since they both need pretty much the same thing maintained, one is just a little more intimate than the other. I genuinely can’t tell the difference between someone being friendly or flirting, I always assume it’s people being friendly unless told otherwise (haven’t been told otherwise so they’re probably being friendly!). Because I can’t (or haven’t) experienced any romantic feelings for anyone I greatly value my relationship with my friends, it’s still a form of love after all.

I’m pretty short at 5’2 and I’m slender as well so it makes me look smaller than everyone around me but I don’t really have a problem with that. I'm a pretty chill, blunt and honest person. For the most part I’m pretty logical and make sure no one gets into too much trouble, but sometimes it’s fun to just shut your brain off and do stuff just for the sake of doing stuff. I tend to go with people’s ideas or plans especially if they’re dumb because funi (unless there’s a risk for serious harm) sometimes I unintentionally give people ideas too, so oops.

I like to draw, listen to music and make people laugh. Everyone seems to be really comfortable around me and I get along with others so I end up being The Therapist Friend or someone you can just tell random stuff to. I’m also very affectionate, I love to give people hugs and other forms of platonic affection. At first glance people say I give off a threatening or slightly unapproachable vibe, which is unintentional since I don’t do it on purpose. I’m introverted but I really enjoy being out with friends and people I’m close to. I can remember people's interests and unimportant/random information due to having ADHD and like everyone else with the disorder I have a hard time getting my brain to cooperate sometimes and I can easily get distracted.

I’ve also been diagnosed with GAD and depression which I’m working on with a therapist. Any depressive thoughts or anxiety attacks are usually kept to myself and I only let those emotions out when I’m alone and in private if they’re still present, I refuse to cry in front of others or burden them with my mental health issues. Unless it becomes too much for me to handle on my own I don’t reach out to others that often. While my mental state has greatly improved, I still have some self esteem and internal issues that I’m trying to work on with my therapist. Even with my own internal issues I do my best to make others feel better and help in any way I can.

(I hope this isn’t all over the place, I separated it into paragraphs so it’s not just a big wall of text and also to make it more manageable to read. Hope you have a nice day!❤️)

Aren Kuboyasu

Aren is desperate for better friends and possibly something more

He found you so intresting when you first met, your attitude reminded him of all his friends but more chill

He's the extrovert that claims you

He'd love to just sit and listen to anything you have to say, any story you could think of he will have 100% of his focus on you

People say he's unapproachable due to him being an ex-gang member so you'd both scare a lot of people arounf campus.

If he sees you're overworking yourself or you seem uncomfortable he will definitely stand in the way and help you relax

He'd love it if you got along with his friends but if you don't he understandsz they're definitely not normal

He likes to rest his arm on your head, he finds it fun seeing your upset face while he laughs

Only he's allowed to make fun of you flr being short because he knows he's doing it in a lighthearted manner

He doesn't read emotions very well, but just know he'd always be there for you

All in all 10/10 boyfriend, he would do anything and I mean Anything for you

Matchups: Closed