#look at me never giving you a break from the pain

[l-in-the-light]

This cultural mechanism of denying humanity of certain individuals (most often villains) has a name. Rene Girard wrote about it in his book called The Scapegoat. I tried finding ANY reblog of this post which actually mentions this, but despite scrolling through at least half of reblogs, I couldn't find it, which means even if someone did point it out then it still went pretty much unnoticed.

We all know who or what a scapegoat is. It's that thing or that person, the root of evil, the source of chaos, the troublemaker, the trickster disrupting the long established safety and order (which is, ofc, the ultimate good). If you only get rid of the problematic individual, everything will be okay again. That's how it works. But there's a problem with it. There's never one scapegoat. After one comes another, and another, and another, till you get hundreds and thousands of them and you can't fit them in one neat grave or prison anymore. They keep coming and there will be more and more of them, this will never stop, because it's a cycle. A cycle of violence. If you really want for "things to be okay", you need to break that cycle, instead of finding YET another scapegoat, yet another villain to bury for all of our sins. By sacrficing another villain, another victim, another scapegoat on the altar of society, you only support the cycle to keep on going.

Yes, you heard me right. Villains are scapegoats. But victims ARE scapegoats as well. Anyone we forcefully silence and refuse to give agency to is the scapegoat. The homeless, the LGBT, the mentally different, any disabled people etc. Anyone who fits into a very broad category of "otherness". But here's the catch. Because this category is so broad it's very easy to become that "other". That's why people are willing to go to extreme lengths just to make sure no one sees them as "other". They will deny their disabilities, they will deny they're not like those "others", they will even deny their own struggles, just to fit into the safe mold of "normal". And if you silence yourself just because you're afraid you might be the next one victimized or villainized, you're also a scapegoat, btw. Your inner life and self-consistency is the sacrifice on the altar of society that doesn't care if you actually have a heart. All it cares about is for you to make sure you're "normal", which has a very murky definition too. Who's normal? The one who acts like the majority of others? The one who has the applause? (applause can be shortlived and depends on trends, it's dangerous, you're dancing on the edge). Every time we see someone as the "other" we judge, we're scapegoating them. Yes, all of us, by succumbing to our fear of being judged, contribute to this mechanism. Otherwise the seams of the society might fall apart and we can all turn against each other, we can rip apart the system, they warn us of anarchy, you might get killed in the middle of the street, there will be no police to guard the order, no prisons to keep the bad eggs away from you. Stay quiet, endure, it's for the safety of all of us.

No one should have to carry that weight of the whole world on their own shoulders. Not like this. But we do, every single day.

We're all capable of being bad people and often are. But we also all want to believe we're good. People think if someone didn't get love there's a reason of why they didn't receive it. That belief didn't come out of nowhere. It's internalized violence and judgemental mentality. You prefer to doom someone else as long as it saves yourself from being doomed. You're not only hurting others with it, but YOURSELF as well in the process. You get rid of your true empathy for others, you decide whose pain or suffering is the one "worthy" of acceptance and which is not and needs to be condemned. You can't afford that empathy for anyone else than you after a while, after all you live in constant, silent fear of "being next" if you just stop for a moment and look too long at the scapegoats buried around you. And what you fail to see is that you're also a scapegoat. If we all accept each other and ourselves as "others", if we're all just different people and no one is normal anymore, will this finally break the cycle?

You want to feel like a good person? Of course, we all do. But you can't achieve that if you're too afraid to look into the abyss/mirror and realize you also do bad things. You also need to redeem yourself. You can do better, but it's not easy. You know what's easy instead? Finding a scapegoat and blaming them for their own misery. Literally requires no work, the world will applause you and all you need to do is repeat same words after others. The mechanism works like a perpetuum mobile at this point, it will mostly do this job for you. Just take a stand, deem the villains, blame the victims, ignore the struggles and pain of others.

But here's the catch. If you're too cold, you're also gonna be judged and called a psychopath. That's also a no-no, you're becoming the unacceptable "other" again. You have to show, in specific, allowed circumenstances, that you feel sorry for others. That you know how to choose the "right" side. That you understand "good" needs sacrfices and sometimes you're even expected to cry for them. And if you see those sacrfices as not-human "others", it's easier to accept it all.

Many people claim how scary it is to face certain truths, like "victims can turn into villains too", but the real truth no one wants to face is actually this: we allowed this to happen. We allowed the villains to be formed, all of us. Every time we engage in judgemental actions, every time we police someone dealing with their pain "in wrong way", every time we call someone "born evil". Every time we point a finger and call someone a villain, a victim, a barbarian, the other. By doing that we trap them in endless world of pain and suffering and abuse. They also want to be out of that cycle, but we keep trapping them, by silencing them and adding our own narrative on top. They suffer for our sins. Because they're our scapegoat, the sacrifice we made to keep on going, thinking how good this world is and how much worse it could have been, just look in the right places. Just don't look at the scapegoats too long. They corrupt. Maybe their otherness is even contagious, so stay as far away from them as possible.

You're allowed to be mad about this, btw. Anger is a neccessary emotion, it points at injustice done to you. But the society wants you to throw that emotion away and supress it, so you're tamed and silenced. It might even create a "safe space" to vent it out, by encouragig you into physical activities or taking part in some entertainment, so you can lose your steam in a way that doesn't challenge the system. It's a distraction. (the point here isn't to condemn sport or popculture btw, it just serves as an example, ok?)

All communities work like this. We're all trapped in endless cycle of violence. We bury endless scapegoats under our communities, they become our foundations. After all, nothing unites different people better than finding a common villain, it's us (the good) vs them (the evil). Wait, did I just say "different people"? But we're supposed to be all the same! No, that's a myth. We were all always different. We just have to choose who is "more different than others", so we can unite ourselves against them.

You know what that reminds me of? "We're all equal. But some are more equal than others". Animal farm was about power structures. By accepting easy scapegoats, by abiding to this mechanism, we support the power system that oppresses us. Think about it. Our civilisation is build on this and it would not thrive the way it did without the scapegoats.

And all of you blaming christianity for this instead, you need to understand one thing. What Jesus taught was actually the reverse of scapegoating. “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her”. This is literally Jesus telling people "you all have sinned, so why are you judging them if you don't judge yourself?". What you all mean by christian/puritanist beliefs is how christianity got distorted and institutionalized into a power abusing system called religion. Swallowed up by what it tried to fight against. Always identify the actual source of abuse, instead of doing more scapegoating. I'm in no way inclined to defend christianity (not in the form it exists now), but also if we keep on muddling the truth we will always make the same mistake, so, always dig deeper to avoid it. Thank you.

not to post even more Villains Discourse on main but it really bugs me how people read giving villains tragic backstories as inherently excusing their actions and/or demonizing trauma survivors.

the actual message of Tragic Villains is (almost) always “people who are never taught or given any healthy, constructive outlets for their emotions will often find unhealthy, destructive outlets.” it’s that people who are traumatized and never learn how to cope with that trauma can become a danger to themselves and others. the message isn’t “trauma makes you evil!!!!” or “genocide is okay if you’ve been sad before!!!!” it’s “people need compassion and help to recover from trauma instead of becoming increasingly angry and harming themselves and others in the process.”

this site takes an alarmingly behaviorist and punitive approach to everything and it’s literally the most annoying thing. y’all have this concept that “if we just punish people hard enough, if we just scare them enough, if we just make them feel guilty enough.” that people just Do Bad Things Because They Do Bad Things, I Guess, and Because We Didn’t Threaten Them And Shame Them Enough. but humans are an innately social species. at our very core, we need compassion and kindness. we need healthy relationships with other humans.

you can keep looking at traumatized villains and being like “haha this dumb pathetic sadboi thinks murder is okay because his parents died” but as a survivor myself, unaddressed/untreated trauma absolutely can make you ragey and destructive. i was lucky enough to have support and eventually get the treatment i needed. but it’s not hard at all for me to imagine how, if that hadn’t been the case, that could’ve been me. obviously not on a movie-villain scale like murder or war crimes, but it’s so irritating as someone whose trauma has always manifested as anger to watch people on this site be like “this is just bad writing!!! real survivors/good survivors don’t end up like that the writers just hate survivors and want the audience to condone murder!”

[mysunshinetemptress]

Never Have I Ever

Barca Femaní x Teen Reader

The bright lights of the makeshift studio were starting to give you a headache, but the end was in sight. Media day. A necessary evil, as your coach called it. Hours of posing, smiling, answering repetitive questions, and generally trying to look like you weren't about to collapse from boredom. But this, the final task, was different. This was the fun part.

You, Jana, and Patri were standing shoulder to shoulder, each holding a light-up paddle. The paddles were programmed to cycle through different colours – red "I haven't" and green "I have" - the task was simple Never Have I Ever. A classic icebreaker, but with the added element of flashing lights and the potential for some embarrassing revelations.

The camera crew stood before you, along with a couple of team media personnel, all grinning with anticipation. One of the media guys, a young, energetic guy named Marco , held a microphone and a clipboard.

"D'acord, senyores," Marco said, his voice amplified by the microphone. "A punt per jugar una mica Mai ho he mai?"

Jana bounced on the balls of her feet, her eyes sparkling with mischief. "Nascut llest!"

Patri gave a small, polite smile. "Fem-ho."

You nodded, trying to suppress a grin. You were usually quite reserved, especially for a teenager but there was something about the silly nature of the game that loosened you up.

"Vale, I'll start," Marco said, consulting his clipboard. "Never have I ever… accidentally called my coach 'Mama' or 'papa'."

Jana's paddle immediately flashed green. She groaned and covered her face with her hands. "ay dios mío, it was awful," she said, laughing. "It was during training, and I was so tired, and I just blurted out 'papa!' He just stared at me, and I wanted the ground to swallow me whole."

Patri’s paddle remained red, as did yours. You’d always been careful to keep your interactions with the coach strictly professional.

"Vale, next one," Marc continued. "Never have I ever… snuck out of team curfew."

Jana’s paddle flashed green again, eliciting more laughter from the crew. "Vale, Vale, I was young and foolish," she admitted, raising her hands in surrender. "It was just to go get ice cream! It was worth it."

Patri’s paddle stayed red, and you hesitated for a moment before pressing the red button on your own paddle. You’d never been one for breaking rules, even now as the other younger girls tried to entice you.

"Muy bien, Y/n, estás despierto," Marco said, turning to you with a smile. "Never have I ever… forgotten my kit bag for a match."

Your paddle flashed green immediately. You winced, remembering the frantic scramble to borrow spare kit from a teammate just minutes before kickoff. It had been a stressful experience, and one you’d never forget. It was your first time playing at a more senior level at La Misa and the older girls kit nearly swallowed you whole.

Jana and Patri both laughed, their paddles red. "Oh, that's a classic," Jana said.

The game continued, with Marc reading out a mix of team-related and more general "Never Have I Ever" statements. Some of the questions were funny, some were slightly embarrassing, and some were surprisingly revealing.

"Never have I ever… cried after a loss," Marco read.

All three of your paddles flashed green. You all shared a knowing glance. The pain of defeat was something you all understood intimately.

"Never have I ever… pretended to be injured to get out of training," Marco said, grinning.

Jana’s paddle flashed green instantly. Patri and you burst out laughing. "That's definitely Jana," Patri said, shaking her head.

Your paddle and Patri’s stayed red. You were both too dedicated to the sport to ever consider faking an injury. Your idolies wouldn't do it so why would you.

As the game went on, you started to feel more comfortable, more relaxed. You were laughing and joking with Jana and Patri, sharing stories and making fun of each other. The tension of media day had completely dissipated, replaced by a genuine sense of camaraderie.

Finally, Marco announced the last question. "This is a big one," he said, raising his eyebrows. "Never have I ever… had a crush on a teammate."

Jana’s paddle flashed green immediately, followed shortly by Patri’s. You hesitated for a moment, a strange feeling fluttering in your stomach. You glanced at Jana and Patri, who were both looking at you expectantly. You took a deep breath and pressed the green button on your paddle.

A collective gasp went up from the crew. Jana and Patri’s eyes widened in surprise.

"Ooooh," Marco said, his voice full of intrigue. "This is getting interesting. Care to elaborate, Y/n?"

You felt your cheeks flush slightly, but you managed a small smile. "It's nothing serious," you said, shrugging. "Just a little…admiración"

Jana winked at you. "We've all been there," she said, laughing.

The game ended shortly after, and the camera crew began packing up their equipment. You, Jana, and Patri lingered for a moment, still buzzing from the fun of the game.

From the moment you left the makeshift studio, the “crush” revelation became the team’s new favorite topic of conversation. It wasn’t malicious pestering, more like playful teasing and genuine curiosity, but it was relentless.

In the changing room after training, Jana would nudge you with her elbow and whisper, “So, spill the tea! Who is it?” Her eyes would twinkle with mischief as she waited for your reaction.

You’d blush and try to deflect the question, saying things like, “It’s no one important,” or “It was a long time ago.” But Jana wouldn’t give up easily. She’d launch into a guessing game, rattling off the names of various teammates, coaches, even the team’s physio.

You hope it stays between the three of you, you admition to having a crush on a teammate but of course its Jana and Patri and that hope is short lived.

The speed at which the news spread was almost comical. It was like wildfire, fueled by the team’s insatiable appetite for gossip. Within an hour, it seemed every single member of the squad knew about your “little admiración.” You could practically feel the collective gaze of the team on you, a mixture of amusement, curiosity, and knowing smiles.

It wasn't long before Mapi, the team’s resident prankster and self-proclaimed expert on all things love and romance, cornered you in the locker room. She bounced on the balls of her feet, a wide grin plastered across her face.

“So,�� she began, nudging you playfully with her elbow. “Tell me everything! Who’s the lucky lady?”

You groaned and buried your face in your hands. “Mapi, please,” you mumbled. “It’s really not a big deal.”

“Not a big deal?” Mapi exclaimed, her eyes widening in mock horror. “Are you kidding? This is huge! This is the kind of drama we live for!”

She launched into a series of rapid-fire questions, rattling off names of various teammates, coaches, even the team’s groundskeeper. You tried your best to deflect her inquiries, offering vague answers and changing the subject whenever possible.

“Come on, Y/n,” Mapi persisted, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. “Just give me a hint. Is she tall? Short? Does she have a good sense of humor? Is she a good passer?”

You couldn’t help but laugh at her relentless questioning. Mapi was like a dog with a bone; she wouldn’t let go until she got what she wanted.

Just as you were about to give in and offer a meaningless clue to appease her, Ingrid, the team’s captain and voice of reason, appeared seemingly out of nowhere. She placed a hand on Mapi’s shoulder, pulling her away from you.

“Mapi,” Ingrid said firmly, her voice laced with a hint of warning. “Leave her alone.”

Mapi groaned dramatically, but she reluctantly backed off. “Fine,” she said, rolling her eyes. “But I’m not giving up that easily.”

Ingrid turned to you, offering a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry about her,” she said. “She’s just being Mapi.”

You nodded gratefully. “Thanks, Ingrid,” you said. “I appreciate it.”

“Anytime,” Ingrid replied. “Just let me know if she gets too annoying.”

But shortly after Mapi it moves to Esme and Vicky.

Esme and Vicky, the team’s dynamic duo, were next. They approached you during lunch, sliding into the seats opposite you with matching mischievous grins. They were known for their close friendship and shared sense of humor, often finishing each other’s sentences and communicating through inside jokes.

“So, Y/n,” Esme began, her eyes twinkling. “We’ve heard some… interesting rumors.”

Vicky nodded in agreement, leaning forward conspiratorially. “Something about a certain… teammate?”

You sighed, bracing yourself for another round of questioning. “It’s just a silly crush,” you mumbled, picking at your food. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Oh, we beg to differ,” Esme said, exchanging a knowing glance with Vicky. “This is major news! We need details!”

They launched into their own version of the guessing game, their rapid-fire questions overlapping and intertwining. They were like a well-oiled machine, anticipating each other’s thoughts and building on each other’s jokes.

“Is it someone in the midfield?” Esme asked.

“Or maybe a forward?” Vicky suggested.

“Perhaps a defender?” Esme countered.

“Or maybe,” Vicky said, pausing for dramatic effect, “it’s the coach!”

You choked on your water, sputtering and coughing. Esme and Vicky burst out laughing, their eyes sparkling with amusement.

“Okay, okay, we’re just kidding,” Esme said, patting you on the back. “But seriously, Y/n, we’re just curious. We want to know who’s captured your heart.”

You hesitated, unsure of how much to reveal. You trusted Esme and Vicky, but you were still hesitant to share such a personal detail.

“It’s… someone I admire,” you said finally, choosing your words carefully. “Someone who’s really talented and dedicated.”

Esme and Vicky exchanged another knowing glance. “That narrows it down to about half the team,” Vicky said dryly.

“But seriously,” Esme added, her voice softening. “We’re just happy for you, Y/n. We want you to be happy.”

“Thanks,” you said, offering them a genuine smile. “I appreciate that.”

You thought you’d weathered the storm. The relentless teasing had subsided, replaced by the occasional knowing glance or subtle nudge. You’d even started to relax a little, believing the “crush” saga was finally behind you. But you were wrong. So very wrong.

The team bonding night was a tradition, a chance for everyone to let loose and have some fun outside of the pressures of training and matches. This time, it was a casual gathering at a local karaoke bar. The atmosphere was buzzing with energy, fueled by loud music, flashing lights, and the general excitement of being off-duty.

You were initially hesitant to go, still reeling from the media day fallout. But Jana and Patri had insisted, assuring you that it would be a good time and that the “crush” topic was officially off-limits. You reluctantly agreed, hoping they were right.

For the first few hours, everything went smoothly. You laughed and sang along to the music, enjoying the relaxed atmosphere and the company of your teammates. You even managed to belt out a surprisingly decent rendition of a classic pop song, much to the amusement of Jana and Patri.

But as the night wore on and the drinks flowed, the atmosphere became more boisterous and the conversations more… revealing. And, inevitably, the topic of your “admiración” resurfaced.

It started innocently enough. Someone put on a cheesy love song, and a few of the players started jokingly serenading each other. Then, Mapi, never one to let a good opportunity pass her by, grabbed the microphone and announced to the entire bar, “Okay, everyone, let’s dedicate this next song to Y/n and their secret crush!”

A chorus of cheers and whistles erupted from the team. You felt your cheeks burn with embarrassment. You shot a pleading look at Jana and Patri, but they just shrugged apologetically, their faces etched with a mixture of amusement and sympathy.

Mapi, oblivious to your discomfort, continued her impromptu dedication, adding fuel to the fire with a series of suggestive comments and playful innuendos. The team roared with laughter, egging her on.

You wanted to disappear, to become invisible, to escape the intense scrutiny of the entire team. You felt trapped, exposed, your privacy completely violated.

Just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse, Esme and Vicky, fueled by liquid courage and a shared sense of mischief, decided to take the stage for a duet. They chose a popular love song and, as they sang, they began pointing and gesturing towards various members of the team, adding their own commentary and inside jokes.

Still you don't crack not until Alexia comes and wraps her arm around you.

So,” she said, a playful glint in her eyes. “I hear you have a little… admiración for someone.”

You blushed furiously, but you couldn’t help but smile at her teasing tone.

“It’s not a crush,” you mumbled, shaking your head slightly. “It’s more like… respect. I really admire her talent and dedication.”

“Oh, I see,” Alexia said, nodding thoughtfully. “So, it’s not someone on the team?”

You shook your head again, relieved to finally be able to talk about it openly, even if it was with Alexia, which was still incredibly nerve-wracking. “No,” you said. “She plays… out of Spain, actually.”

Alexia’s eyebrows rose in surprise. “Oh, really?” she said. “That’s interesting.”

She paused for a moment, considering your words. Then, a slow smile spread across her face. “Well,” she said, her voice warm and encouraging. “Admiration is a wonderful thing. It can inspire you to be better, to push yourself further.”

You feel your cheeks reden, you can't hide it anymore and the fact your about to tell her ex girlfriend is ironic "Its Jenni."

“Jenni,” Alexia repeated, the name rolling off her tongue. Her tone was even, giving nothing away. “Jenni Hermoso?”

You nodded, your cheeks burning a deeper shade of red. The irony of the situation wasn't lost on you. You were confessing your admiration for Jenni Hermoso, a player widely considered one of the best in the world, to her ex-girlfriend. The universe definitely had a sense of humor.

A brief silence hung between you, punctuated only by the off-key singing from the stage and the general chatter of the bar. Alexia’s arm remained around your shoulders, a comforting weight, but the atmosphere had subtly shifted.

“She’s… a fantastic player,” Alexia said finally, her voice measured. “Incredibly talented.”

You nodded again, finding your voice. “She is,” you agreed, your voice filled with genuine admiration. “I’ve watched her play for years. Her technique, her vision… it’s inspiring.”

You found yourself rambling slightly, trying to fill the awkward silence. You talked about Jenni’s incredible goal-scoring record, her ability to create chances for her teammates, her influence on the game. You were so focused on avoiding any mention of the personal connection between Alexia and Jenni that you almost forgot who you were talking to.

You pause waiting for Alexia to shout at you for having a crush on her ex girlfriend but instead she tilts her head back and laughs "Oh Mi Amor, Im so telling her next time i see her thats so cute."

You shove her away slightly but immediatly pull her back as she whips out her phone and starts typing, out of everyone Alexia just might be the worst person you could have told.

[multific]

Will and Heart

Marcus Acacius x Reader

Summary: Destined to marry the General, you try your best to give him a good impression. But there is something between the two of you that nothing will change, age.

Your home's atmosphere was calm yet busy, all of the servants were preparing for the evening.

As you wandered past your father’s study, a conversation caught your attention.

The door stood slightly ajar, enough for you to catch a small part of the conversation happening inside.

“She’s too young,” a familiar voice remarked with a firm tone. It was Marcus Acacius. “A girl, not yet a woman. She’s spirited, yes, but that alone won’t prepare her for the challenges ahead.”

You froze, your heart sinking at the weight of his words. And you thought he was happy to marry you. Because you certainly were.

“She has potential,” your father disagreed. “She only needs time and support.”

“Time is a luxury,” the General replied. “And support cannot replace maturity.”

Your fingers curled into fists as your pulse quickened with anger flowing through you, you walked away.

Immature? Incompetent?

His words stung and sparked a fire within you.

You were now determined to prove him wrong.

You found yourself in the training yard that afternoon.

Soldiers had left their training equipment for the midday meal, leaving the area quiet.

You picked up a wooden practice sword, it was unfamiliar but felt manageable.

The movements you tried were clumsy, mimicking what you had seen in passing. Since you never paid much attention to the men training there.

Each swing of the sword came with a whispered mantra: Prove him wrong.

“You’re holding it incorrectly,” a voice called from behind.

You were startled, turning to see a passing soldier glance at you before moving on.

Rude.

Biting your lip, you adjusted your grip and resumed your practice.

The strikes came faster now, your determination growing with each swing, though your arms began to ache.

A misstep sent you stumbling, your foot twisting awkwardly beneath you. You cried out as pain shot through your ankle, and the sword clattered uselessly to the ground.

“You’re lucky you didn’t break something,” a voice rumbled, this one unmistakable.

Your stomach sank as Marcus Acacius stepped into view.

His sharp gaze swept over you, assessing the damage.

“Was this supposed to impress me?” he asked, crouching beside you.

You looked away, embarrassed but unwilling to let him see your shame as the tears began to gather in your eyes.

“I wanted to show you I’m not just some naive girl,” you whispered.

He sighed, carefully lifting your ankle.

“And instead, you’ve proven why I had concerns.” His words hurt, but his touch was gentle, steadying you as he wrapped a cloth around your injury hoping to keep your ankle in place.

“I was trying to be strong,” you countered, wincing. “I wanted to show you I can handle more than you believe.”

"Strength isn’t about reckless displays,” he said quietly. “It’s about knowing your limits and recognizing when to ask for help.”

When his gaze met yours, it was no longer distant or dismissive.

“I underestimated you,” he admitted after a moment of silence. “You have more courage than I gave you credit for.”

Your breath caught, the sincerity in his tone catching you off guard.

“I just wanted you to see me differently,” you said with a long sigh.

“I do,” he murmured, his expression shifting. The lines of his face softened as he studied you, something new flickering in his dark eyes. “You’re... remarkable.”

Heat rose to your cheeks, his unexpected words sending your heart racing.

Before you could respond, he leaned in, his lips brushing yours in a kiss that was both tender and full of promise.

When he pulled away, his forehead rested against yours.

“I see you now,” he said, his voice low and steady.

“Good,” you replied, a small smile breaking through. “Because I’m not going anywhere.”

His lips curved into a rare smile, and in that moment, you knew you had won far more than his respect.

You had captured his heart.

Gladiator II Collection

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ˇAO3ˇ

/YOU DO NOT HAVE PERMISSION TO TRANSLATE, TO STEAL OR TO REPOST ANY OF MY WORKS TO THIS OR OTHER PLATFORMS/

[strayingawayy]

why does your love feel like loneliness?

the rain tapped against the window, but inside, the room was still — like time itself had frozen, suspended in a moment too long held. you stood by the window, eyes lost in the blur of falling water, a reflection of the storm that churned inside you.

and then, the door creaked open.

hyunjin stood in the doorway, framed by the dim light spilling from the hallway. his gaze met yours, but it wasn’t the soft gaze you remembered. this one was heavy with things unsaid, things unspeakable.

he didn’t move, and neither did you.

finally, he spoke, his voice low, like he wasn’t sure if it was his own or the weight of everything he had left unsaid. “you’re here.”

"where else would i be?" you whispered, though you weren’t sure if you were asking him or yourself.

his hands clenched at his sides. his eyes flickered over the room, over you. it was like he was afraid to look at you too long, as if the sight of you might break something fragile inside him.

he stepped inside, closing the door with a soft click. the sound lingered, stretching between you like an unsolvable riddle. you didn’t want him here. not really. but you couldn’t bring yourself to leave, either. there was nothing left to say, and yet all you could hear was the hollow echo of your own heartbeat.

"you said i could tear it up. that when it hurts, i could tear it up," you said, voice shaking just enough for him to hear. your words hung in the space between you like smoke.

he flinched as if your words were a slap, but didn’t speak. instead, he stepped closer, his gaze glued to your face, but avoiding your eyes, as if scared of what he might see there.

"you told me to," you continued, staring out the window again, though you couldn’t stop the bitter laughter that bubbled up in your throat. "you told me to build memories, but then you just… left. like it was nothing." you turned to face him. "what was it to you, hyunjin? was i nothing but a scribbled note you could toss away when it got too hard to read?"

a silence fell between you. his lips parted, but the words that came didn’t feel like they belonged to him. "i never meant to hurt you," he said softly, like a confession, but the weight of it felt hollow.

"you never meant to," you echoed, the sharpness of the words surprising even you. "but you did."

he looked away then, as if ashamed to be seen. his hands trembled at his sides, and you saw the distance in the way he held himself. there was something behind his eyes — something you used to be able to read. but now? it was a labyrinth, and you were trapped outside.

the scent of him lingered in the air, like a memory of someone else. you wondered if he even noticed anymore. if he remembered when you were the only one who knew his scent by heart, when his skin was your favorite place to hide. but now — now there was something else.

"why does it feel like this?" you found your voice breaking, and your hands clenched at your sides. "why does your love feel like loneliness?"

he didn’t answer at first. instead, he took a step closer, and you could feel the pull between you, like gravity was trying to bend the laws of the universe just to bring him closer. but you didn’t want him near. not like this.

his voice was barely a murmur. "i didn’t know how to love you, not the way you wanted."

the words sliced through you, and you took a shaky step back. "then why did you tell me to stay? why did you ask me to build something with you if you weren’t even going to try?"

"i tried," he said quickly, his voice strained, but the doubt that lingered in his words said everything. "i thought i could do it. i thought maybe i could give you what you needed. but every time i tried, i felt like i was just tearing everything apart."

"and so you left." the sentence wasn’t a question. you knew it already. it was his way of loving — of running away before the hurt got too deep.

his eyes flickered with pain. "i didn’t leave because i stopped caring," he said, but his voice wavered, unsure. "i left because i didn’t know how to keep loving you. how to make it something real."

but you didn’t have to leave," you whispered, eyes stinging. "you never had to leave."

the silence stretched between you like a chasm, deeper than anything you had ever known. you looked at him, and there was no clarity. no understanding. just the shadows of things that had once been, and a void too vast to fill.

"i was always afraid it would be like this," he admitted, his voice broken. "i thought i could laugh it off. but now... i don’t think i can."

you watched him, the weight of his words pressing on your chest, the emptiness inside you a mirror to his. he didn’t love you like he should have. he loved you in fragments, in parts that didn’t fit. he loved you in ways that kept you at a distance, a love that never came full circle.

and yet…

you didn’t know if you could ever love him the way he needed, either.

"you never stopped loving me, did you?" you asked, voice trembling, but there was no answer — not one you wanted to hear. because you already knew.

you turned away, your back to him, not out of anger, but exhaustion. "why did you love me, only to hide it from me?"

"i didn’t know how to let you in," he whispered, the words almost lost in the quiet. "i didn’t know how to love without destroying it."

and there, in that silence, you understood. his love had been a shadow, a ghost that could never fully exist in the light. it was always half there, half hidden, too afraid to be real.

the rain outside picked up, a quiet symphony of sorrow that mirrored the aching emptiness between you. you didn’t turn around when you heard his footsteps fade. you couldn’t.

somewhere, in the distance, the faintest whisper of spring seemed to brush against the cold, but it was too far away. too late.

the door clicked shut. the room was silent again.

and this time, you didn’t cry.

___

ty to my sweethearts @hwajin @astraystayyh for this one ❤️‍🩹

[suguslve]

‧˚꒰🍷꒱༘‧— WE'LL NEVER LAST SO WHY CAN'T I LET GO OF THIS?

synopsis: loving malleus felt like a dream come true, a beautiful, perfect dream—but what would it be like to wake up and face the reality of returning to your world?

♰ pairings. malleus draconia x gn!reader

♰ genre. fluff to angst (?) idk i think its just full on angst hehe

♰ word count. 1.2k

♰ a/n. oh lookie here another angst!! you can't blame me for writing angst bcus this is all my friends ever request. lowkey (highkey) inspired by laufey's song promise. enjoy reading and lmk your thoughts!

You two weren’t bound to last—your love was a ticking time bomb, and with every passing moment, you felt the weight of the inevitable end pressing down on you. You dreaded the days that followed, each one a reminder that soon, the love you shared would crumble into nothing. You tried so hard to push the thoughts of leaving aside, to immerse yourself fully in the present, but they lingered, persistent and quiet. You knew that leaving would break you, carve wounds so deep in your heart and soul that they might never heal, but you could never walk away—not when he looks at you every time with so much love and adoration—as though you had woven the stars and moon into the night, casting light into a world he saw as nothing but dark and gloomy. And so you gave in, finally accepting the love that he was more than willing to give.

He never thought he’d feel like this, never thought that the day would come where someone would be able to tug at his heart strings—yet he wasn’t upset, quite the contrary rather. For the first time, he felt alive in a way he never had before, the walls he’d built around himself through time finally began to crack. Vulnerability wasn’t something Malleus was used to—but strangely it felt warm, normal, right. When he fell for you, he fell hard, wanting nothing more but to surrender every fragment of his soul to you. Who would have guessed that the great powerful mage would be capable of something so delicate?

Loving Malleus was easy, as did being with him. He was the epitome of a gentleman: greeting you with a gentle kiss on your hand and softly kissing your forehead whenever he bid you goodbye, surprising you with beautiful flowers “just because”, wiping away your tears with the softest touch, and soft whispers of his unwavering devotion. He knew you better than you knew yourself, recognizing your feelings even when you kept to yourself. He doesn’t push you to explain what’s troubling you; instead, he holds you gently, offering a warm embrace that speaks to you in ways words never could. He loved you in every way he knew how to. And he knew that loving you would also mean letting you go. 

“Hush now, child of man. It’s going to be okay,” his voice was muffled as he buried his face in your neck, inhaling the scent of you one last time. You felt the warmth of his tears against your skin as his grip tightened, as if he were holding onto the last thread of something beautiful. Your sobs erupted once more, harder this time, your heart breaking as you cried into his chest, his hand gently caressing your hair in a feeble attempt to soothe you. God, you were going to miss him.

“It’s not going to be okay! Wanna stay here with you, just like I promised.” Your voice broke. He then pulls you away from his embrace, his eyes bloodshot, tears staining his face. He tried to hold a smile, but it was fragile, as if he were breaking inside too—which, he is. Despite all the hurt and pain painting his features, he still looked beautiful, curse him and his gorgeous face.

He anticipated this, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. “I know,” he whispered, voice trembling. “I know, but sometimes promises... are not meant to last. And it hurts me greatly, my love.” His hand brushed your cheek, his touch soft and gentle. "But I can’t do anything to change things, I wish I could, but I can't... not this time."

“I don’t want to lose you,” you whispered, your heart breaking at the thought of never feeling his warmth again, never having late-night walks with him again, never hearing the corny jokes he pulled just to make you laugh, never hearing his voice again, never seeing him again. “I don’t want to forget you, Tsunotaro…”

His expression softened, but it didn’t stop the tears that slipped from his eyes. He stroked your face gently, trying to memorize the feeling of you. “You won’t forget me,” he said, but his voice trembled, betraying his own doubt. “I’ll always be a part of you, even when I’m not there, because a piece of me will always live within you, just as a part of you resides in me, forever intertwined. In every step you take, in every laugh you share, in the quiet moments when you think of me. I’ll live in those.”

The thing with love is that it breaks you as much as it heals you, and though you don’t regret being with Malleus, you regret not having enough time with him. There was never enough time to keep loving each other as you longed to, never enough time to bare your heart completely, never enough time to love him with all the depth your heart had to give before the world demanded you let go.

You connected your forehead with his, feeling him once more. Malleus’ face twisted with pain, his own tears mixing with yours. “I want to be with you as well, maybe even more than you do, but we can’t twist fate, my dove. You belong in that world, and I belong here.” he says, and you don’t know if he’s convincing you or himself, maybe the latter. 

You knew deep down that his absence would create a void that nothing could fill, and you couldn’t shake the fear that in the end, the memory of him would start to fade, piece by piece. “I’ll miss you, Tsunotaro, so damn much.” you whispered, your voice shaky, the weight of your words heavier than you had ever known.

“I will too, child of man.” he responded, his voice low, thick with the same sorrow that gripped your heart—and he kissed you. A kiss that was filled with sorrow, yet so much love. A kiss that would forever be engraved in your memory. A kiss that he made sure you will never forget. A kiss that you knew would be the last. As he pulled away, his arms wrapped around your waist, holding you close, his gaze tender, but filled with an undeniable weight. You could see the love in his eyes, but there was also the painful understanding that this was it—this was the end. The end of something beautiful, something irreplaceable.

You reluctantly pulled away from him, the pain of doing so almost unbearable, and started making your way toward the mirror that would lead you back home. Before stepping through, you glanced back at him. “I promise to visit when the time comes. Make sure you don’t fall in love with someone else while I’m gone okay? Or else I’d kill you myself.” you joke, as he chuckles in response.

“I wouldn’t even dream of being with someone other than you, I’ll be awaiting your arrival, no matter how long it takes.” You turned your gaze forward, fearing that when you looked at him for much longer, you’d run back into his arms and refuse to leave. 

“I love you, Malleus.” you whispered, just before stepping into the mirror, knowing you were leaving a piece of yourself behind.

“I love you too Y/N.” he answers back but you didn’t even hear him, because you were already gone, taking his heart with you.

When you turned around, the mirror had vanished, and so had he. A strange sense of relief washed over you, being back, but deep down, you knew this wasn’t truly your home. Because home wasn’t a place—it was a person. It was your Tsunotaro. It was Malleus.

all rights reserved to © suguslve.

[shatcey]

Mirror event (Victor)

Now it becomes clear why Vivi looks so much like hemself in this story. Because it wasn't a dream…

I look at this men standing next to each other, and think… I… belong there. Literally. Right there, between them. I've never felt like I belong to any place, perhaps because I really need to be there.

Okay...

And now Vivi's thoughts. As always, they made my brain explode a bit.

He was ready to kill her if something went wrong, because his children are at the top of his list of priorities (after the queen, of course), but… He still wants her to stay. I'm surprised… Is this a contradiction? Or does he just want to add another seed to his garden of children? Or… she is any different?

This… It's terribly sad. Does this mean that no one will ever want to take care of him? Maybe were afraid to do it? Didn't think of him as a person? It's become a painful topic for me lately… Could it be related to his abilities? Or his status? He is a man who stands firmly on his feet, who achieves a lot, who is the second person in the country. Maybe… No, I'm probably imagining…

Victor often talks about light and darkness. What if it's not just a metaphor… What if he really can see the color of the soul? He's a grim reaper after all. What would make so much sense… He can tell who deserves to die and who deserves to be saved. This makes him the same judge as William.

Sure… Victor drops such a bomb… I'm not even surprised. Bound… He's bound… trapped… restricted. Maybe he just phrased it that way, after all, they all have a grim fate. But… What if it's literal? What if… his fate not allow him to get to close to people? I don't like where this thought leads me to…

You're breaking my heart! Why??? What can't he do? Follow his desires? Or… being too close to someone? He doesn't allow himself to do this because he had some experience in the past… What was that? What happens to the other person? Why did he decide never to do it again? I have… so many questions.

No, don't you dare say that was the last time! I'm going to punch you, painfully….... on the shoulder. You look like a teddy bear, and I love hugs! You got the point, right?

Why is it in quotes? Who told you that? This person was lying! They can, and they will come true. Ally is proof of that. He didn't dream, but his dreams came true. Don't ask me how this is possible! It defies logic…

So… It was a very short story, but it managed to give me a headache. I'm… not surprised at all.

Now I'm curious to know what was in the other stories. I remember reading Ellis' story a year ago, and in the end he killed her. So… It was definitely a dream! If so… how can we read the story from his POV???

Don't tell me… Ally, don't let these guys exploit your abilities!!!! You are not a tool! I'll really going to punch Victor if that's the case.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

🔝 𝕊𝕋𝔸ℝ𝕋 ℙ𝔸𝔾𝔼 🔝

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[winchestersisterimaginessss]

Request: This is kind of a dark request, i was wondering if you could write something about the sister going through a really bad depression episode and she like reaches into the kitchen cabinet to get a glass for water and dean sees her sleeve slide down revealing self harm?

A/N: I hope this is what you were looking for. If not just send me another request no problem! If anyone needs to talk I’m always here!!! Requests are also always open. Thanks everyone!

Warnings: Self Harm, Mental Health Problems

Dean Winchester x sister!reader

The weight had been there for days, an invisible pressure that settled on my chest and wrapped itself around my mind, making it harder to breathe, harder to think. I knew I was spiraling again, but it wasn’t like I could stop it. Some days, I could pretend it wasn’t there. Today? Today, I couldn’t.

I dragged myself out of bed, feeling like a zombie in my own skin, my limbs heavy and uncooperative. It was exhausting—just existing. I knew the moment I woke up that I didn’t want to face anyone, but I couldn’t stay locked away forever. I had to keep up the act, keep pretending. It was the only way to avoid the questions, the pity, the concern that came from Sam and Dean. I didn’t want their pity. I didn’t want them to see how broken I really was.

I stumbled to the kitchen, the task of getting a glass of water so simple, but it felt like I was walking through quicksand. I reached for the cabinet, my sleeve sliding down just enough to reveal the fresh scars on my forearm.

I froze.

That familiar, unbearable feeling of being seen settled over me. I didn’t even need to turn around. I could feel him there. He didn’t have to say anything; I could feel the shift in the air—the way the room seemed to tighten with his presence.

Dean.

“Y/N,” his voice was calm, but I could hear the edge in it, like he was trying to keep it together, trying not to let the worry he was clearly feeling slip out. “What is that?”

I couldn’t bring myself to face him. I couldn’t let him see how messed up I was.

“It’s nothing,” I muttered, but even I knew the words were a lie. I yanked my sleeve back down, trying to hide the evidence, but I could already feel his gaze on me. He wasn’t fooled.

Dean’s footsteps came closer, steady but cautious, like he was walking on eggshells, trying to give me space, but not willing to walk away.

“It’s not nothing,” he said, his voice gentle, but the weight of his concern was unmistakable. “You can’t just hide it, Y/N. Not from me.”

I swallowed hard, my body trembling. I wanted to push him away. I wanted to run and hide, to lock myself back in my room where I didn’t have to face this. But I couldn’t. Dean wasn’t just standing there; he was right there, in front of me, watching me like he was waiting for me to fall apart. And I felt it. The tears, the anxiety, the need for him to help me, to save me from the mess I was turning into.

“I didn’t want you to ever find out,” I said, my voice breaking as I finally let the words escape. “I didn’t want you to think I was weak.”

Dean’s expression softened. His eyes, filled with something I could barely name—love? Pain? A mixture of both—never left mine.

“Y/N,” he whispered, his voice thick, like he was trying to hold back something raw, something painful. “You’re not weak. You’re not weak, and you never will be. I’ve seen the way you fight, even when it feels like you’re losing. You’ve been through hell, and you keep going. That’s strength. But you don’t have to go through this alone.”

His words hit me harder than I expected. It felt like they were slowly unraveling the walls I had built around myself. I didn’t want to cry, but I felt the tears threatening, my vision blurring. Dean stepped closer, his hand gently brushing through my hair, guiding my head to rest against his chest.

“I know,” he murmured, his hand warm and comforting on the back of my neck. “I know it hurts. I know the darkness gets so damn heavy that you can’t breathe. I know the thoughts are loud and painful and don’t stop. But you don’t have to carry it alone.”

I closed my eyes, letting the feeling of his arms around me ground me, even just for a moment. The pressure in my chest eased, just slightly, but enough to make me feel like I could breathe again. “I’m scared, Dean,” I whispered into his shirt, my voice barely audible. “I don’t know how to make it stop.”

Dean pulled back just enough to look down at me, his hands gently cupping my face, wiping away the tear that had slipped down my cheek. His eyes softened even more, and he spoke with such certainty, such tenderness, it made my heart ache.

“You don’t have to fix everything right now,” he said, his voice unwavering, but full of warmth. “You don’t have to make it all better. You just have to let me help. You have to let me be here for you.”

I shook my head, the words caught in my throat. “I don’t deserve it,” I whispered. “I’m not worth saving.”

Dean’s face hardened with a kind of fierce determination, and before I could stop myself, I felt his hands pull me back into him, wrapping me in his arms, holding me close. His voice, low and steady, rumbled in my ear.

“Don’t you ever say that,” he said, the words like a vow. “You’re worth every bit of love, every bit of care, and every bit of protection I can give you. You don’t get to push me away. You don’t get to hide from me.” He squeezed me tighter. “I’m not going anywhere, Y/N. I’m right here. I’ll be right here, for as long as you need me.”

I clung to him, feeling the warmth of his embrace, his strength. His words wrapped around me like a security blanket, something solid in the chaos of everything I was feeling.

Dean pulled back just enough to look me in the eyes, his gaze unwavering. “We’ll get through this together, okay?” he said, his voice barely a whisper, but full of love. “You don’t have to fight it alone. I’m here. I’ve got you.”

I nodded, my chest still tight, but the crushing weight inside me seemed a little more bearable with him here, holding me, loving me.

Dean’s hand gently cupped my face again, and his gaze softened even more, like he was seeing me—not just the pain I was going through, but me, Y/N. His sister.

“I know what it feels like,” he said, his voice softening. “I’ve been there, Y/N. I’ve been in that dark place, feeling like I was drowning. I’ve hurt, and I’ve lost myself in the darkness. I’ve been on the edge, thinking I couldn’t make it out. But I did. I pulled myself out. And you can, too. You are strong enough.”

My eyes widened at his words. I had always seen Dean as the strong one. The one who always knew what to do, always had the answers. But hearing him say he’d been where I was—that he understood—made the whole weight of it feel just a little bit lighter. He knew. And if he could get through it, maybe I could too.

“I’m not perfect, Y/N,” he continued, his voice thick with emotion. “I’ve stumbled. I’ve fallen. But I always get back up. And so will you. You’re not broken, and you don’t have to go through this alone.”

I could feel the sincerity in his voice, the way he meant every word, and in that moment, I realized just how much love and care he had for me. How much he understood what it was like to fight those demons, both inside your mind and in the world around you.

“You’re not alone,” he whispered again, his hand gently brushing through my hair as he pulled me back into his embrace, holding me like he would never let go. “We’re in this together. Always.”

And for the first time in what felt like forever, I believed him.

[astralspen]

Something amazing about In Stars and Time is how it makes you feel what Siffrin feels.

And yes, when you go through Act 5 and everything breaks down that's cool.

But when Siffrin feels loved and safe, I think that's what's special. That's what makes this game and these characters so special to me.

As someone who, too, had a similar feeling of feeling unlovable for a very long time. This game really healed that part of me.

When the timeloops start, and Siffrin clings to being useful, you still feel little bits of love. Small, barely there, a little distanced, because Siffrin feels distanced. But it's still there. The party looks out for you, pays attention to you, makes stupid jokes with you.

As you go through, you feel love through Loop. Loop who despite all the teasing and bullying helps. Helps the person who they so wish they could be. The one who holds their own heart, who has the family they lost. Loop reaches out to you, reminds you, you're here, I see you. It hurts, but I see you. And I will always see you and sit with you. And I will keep you from becoming as detached as I did, whether that be by annoying you or having a heart to heart or just yapping in general.

You feel love from the head housemaiden. That cruel kind as she weeps for your situation, and crys tears you can not. As she apologizes over and over again. Euphrasies loves by showing you the painful kind of mercy, the one that stabs you in your heart and makes you want to scream, because she loves through pity. Through pitying you and your suffering. No matter how much it hurts it is love nonetheless.

And finally, in the end, after everything you've done, after everything you went through. You feel love again. This time in your face, so burning and bright that you can not ignore it, you feel loved from the very people you loved from the start. The party who runs in to save you, despite everything you said. Who tells you it's ok, you were going insane, we may be a little mad at what you said, but in the end that doesn't matter. Because we love you. And man, when they really showed the unconditional love, I was going to cry. Because a love like that, especially one with the party, is so hard to find. And it's so precious.

Finally, you see love, one more time. Twohats. The Loop fight. Loop, who is trying to kill you, Loop who is so jealous because that is the love they so wanted. They want their family back. Loop who despite everything. They still can't kill Siffrin. Siffrin, who despite being forced to fight again, who could drop dead at any moment because of his craft exhaustion, refuses to oblige Loops request. They both refuse to kill. Because they still love each other. Siffrin who pulls Loop into a hug, and apologizes. Apologizes to who they once were, the Siffrin who should've gotten this. The one who had their family and their heart stolen from them. The Siffrin who never got to feel love. He thanks who they are now, Loop. For sticking with them despite everything. Who watched Siffrin, guided them, gave them a shoulder to cry on, bantered with them so Siffrin did not lose himself. Who despite everything, still decided to help. Siffrin isn't mad at Loop, because Siffrin knows, he would do the same. Siffrin gives Loop back all the love they gave. He let's Loop move on, knowing they're loved. That they always have been. Loop accepts that their family is gone, that they loved them all the same. They learn that even with them gone, they were still loved. Loop is allowed to be happy as they leave.

And isn't that just what this game is about? That no matter what, everyone deserves to be loved. To know it too, and to be happy. And that's what healed me a bit. Because if even the King, who spent his days weeping for a kingdom long gone, who lost all his family and could not build a new one, who froze everything in time, was still able to know and remember the love he had in the end, then why can't I? Why can't anyone? If even the ones who hated and cried and destroyed everything, the ones who hid it all until they couldn't, who didn't understand their emotions and felt trapped within a construct, who didn't feel like them no matter how much they changed, then can't we, too, love and be loved?

This game shows that love does not have to be romantic, does not have to be displayed in any way, is not something earned, but is a basic right for all of us. And for that, I thank it.

[achilles-rage]

leaning in for a kiss but pulling away last second from the psychical intimacy list with also 3)friends with benefits from the smut prompt list with buck

yay i love this!! (also so sorry this is ass. i wrote the entire thing, and then tumblr mobile went down and i lost it all, so i had to rewrite it from memory)

also please keep sending these, they're fun!!

"leaning in for a kiss but pulling away last second" from this post, and "friends with benefits" from this post

MDNI- 18+ only!

you know you shouldn't be here. you know that this can only end horribly. buck is one of your best friends, and you can't imagine how awkward it would be if things went wrong, but you still find yourself here, on buck's doorstep, close to midnight.

your situation had started a couple months ago when you both came home drunk from the bar. one thing had led to another and you were sprawled out on his bed, both of you completely naked as he thrusted into you slowly, yet deeply.

you had both woken up the next morning slightly embarrassed, vowing it would never happen again, but somehow, when either one of you were lonely, you always end up in this same situation.

tonight is no different. you came to his house after an exceptionally bad date, hoping that buck could take your mind off of things.

he pulls you into his apartment quickly, and after telling him every painful detail of your date, your lips find his, and pretty soon, you're straddling his lap on the couch.

your kisses are hungry, yet lazy, and your hips set the pace as a slow grind against his lap as you claw at his shirt, eager to feel his skin against yours. he parts from your lips just long enough for you to take his shirt off of him, his hands not leaving your hips as they help you move against his hard cock beneath his jeans.

when you finally sink onto him, feeling the burning stretch of him filling you up so perfectly, you grip his shoulders hard. you catch yourself thinking about having him like this all the time. having him as yours completely, not just as a fuck buddy.

it’s not just that he’s good at what he does, either, although he definitely is, he also makes you feel so loved, so seen. 

“god, you’re gorgeous,” he always tells you while his hands roam your body, “always so good for me.” and your heart always soars.

you’re always so overwhelmed with his attention, and he has such a special way of making you feel adored. if it wasn’t with his words, it would be with his touch; groping and squeezing at every part of exposed skin while his eyes follow the path of his hands, drinking in your soft belly, and your chest, and your thick thighs. you can see the way he looks at you, but you can also feel the way he treasures having you like this. all his for the night.

he helps you roll your hips against his, eyes trained on the way your face contorts in pleasure and the way his cock disappears past your glistening folds. and, when you both finally cum, he buries his face into your chest, using one arm wrapped around your soft middle to keep you pressed firmly against him while the other hand focuses on your clit, fingers circling the sensitive bud and ensuring that you get every last bit of pleasure that he can give you.

he always kisses you after too, and then cleans you up, but tonight, you can’t bring yourself to kiss him back. the entire night you’ve been thinking about how much you want him as more than just this, and you feel embarrassed that you’ve fallen for the man that you have a friends with benefits situation going on with.

you can’t let him kiss you. it’s always gentle, and you’re afraid that if he kisses you one more time, your heart will break completely. as if his kisses are more intimate than having him inside of you.

he brings his lips towards yours, pulling you into him with one hand on the side of your neck, and at the last second, you drop your head and lean back slightly. 

he notices immediately, and pulls back, brows furrowing in confusion when he sees your sad eyes.

“hey, hey, hey. what’s wrong? look at me.” he says softly, bringing a finger up to the underside of your chin and forcing your face back up.

“i can’t do this anymore.” you whisper. you look up into his eyes, and you can feel your heart breaking more. he’s everything you could’ve asked for, and he’s nothing more than a friend.

“why not? did i do something wrong?” he asks nervously, feeling all the air being knocked out of him as your words settle in. you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him, and he silently prays that he hasn’t done something to fuck everything up.

“no. you did everything right. so right that you’ve ruined every man for me. and all i can ever think about is you.” you explain defeatedly, finally feeling a tear roll down your cheek as you laugh pathetically at your situation.

you’re not sure if you’re crying from sadness, or embarrassment, but either way, you know that you can’t let another tear fall. you don’t want things to get any worse than they already are.

without another word, buck pulls your lips to his, kissing you passionately. he tries to convey all his feelings into this kiss, trying to tell you that there’s no reason to cry, that he wants you too. you feel dizzy as you kiss him back, melting into the kiss and feeling unable to think about what this kiss means. all you can think about is his skin against yours. his cock still buried inside of you. his hands moving up and down the bare skin of your sides.

“i love you.” he whispers when he pulls away, bringing your foreheads together as his thumb moves in comforting strokes along your cheek.

“you- you do?” you ask, unable to speak louder than a whisper. you feel like what you heard couldn’t have been what he just said. surely you misheard him, and if you speak any louder, you’re sure your voice will crack, which will cause more tears to fall.

“i’ve always loved you.” he clarifies, pulling your forehead away from his and looking deeply into your eyes as he holds your face in his hands.

you let out a shaky breath, searching his eyes for any hint of deception. but you find none. his eyes are full of love, and you can see the hint of fear as well, as if he’s afraid that you don’t feel the same, despite all that you’ve said.

“i love you, too.” you whisper, sniffling softly as a grin erupts on your face. he grins as well, and then his lips are on yours again, claiming you as his own. 

“god, i love you so much.” he murmurs against your lips, hands moving in a desperate attempt to pull you impossibly closer. you’re finally his. all his.

[honeydixonn]

Back to Friends, Myung Gi

two, 333 (sneak peek)

Nari zoned out staring at the huge number on the wall as they continued to speak about the unsettling factor of the masks and horrid uniforms. Her nails picked at the skin around her cuticles, stopping abruptly when a familiar voice pierced the air.

Her heart picked up in speed as he spoke and her feet raised trying to see where it came from. "What about my phone? Why did you take my phone and wallet? Give them back, please." It couldn't be Myung-Gi. Why would he be here if he was in hiding? Why would he come here, but not to her?

"We're keeping your belongings safe. We'll return them once the games are over." He didn't like the answer he received, he needed to check the markets desperately to gain control of money.

"At least give me my phone. I need to check the crypto market." That's when she knew. The crypto market was still always on his mind.

He couldn't let it go. So she knew that it was truly Myung-Gi. Nari hated his obsession with crypto. Always nagging him about it-- wanting him to close it out and change his channel to something more productive.

Yet, he didn't listen and that's why they're both in this position now. "If I lose money, will you compensate me?" He kept hassling the square-masked man.

The obsession gaining power over every other worry he should be having at the moment. "We will return it to you once the games are over." Myung-Go wasn't having anything the man in charge had to say. All he could think about was his crypto.

"I need to monitor the real-time prices! Do you know how much I've invested?!" His voice raised before he could realize the mistake he was about to make.

"Player 333, Lee Myung-Gi." The man raised a remote before clicking a button causing the screen to change. Nari audibly gasped as a video played of him losing at ddakji, receiving slaps to the face.

"Age 28, used to run a YouTube channel called MG Coin." Nari stepped closer to get a better view of the screen, she hadn't seen his face in months and now he was in here with her.

Yet, the image of him being hurt caused her heart to break. After everything she still would never want to see him being hurt.

"After convincing subscribers to invest in a new crypto coin called Dalmation causing losses of approximately 15.2 million won." Myung-Gi glanced over his shoulder seeing all the faces judging him knowing they're that they were here under the same circumstances.

He caught a glimpse of someone who he thought looked exactly like someone he loved. Someone he trusted with all his heart and pained him to leave her behind. But it couldn't be her, she would never be here, especially in a place like this.

"You shut down and disappeared." The video played him finally winning and receiving money in return, a small smile on his lips at the succession.

"You're wanted for fraud and for violating telecom and financial investment laws. Current debt levels, 1.8 billion won." Nari's eyes widened. 1.8 billion won?

How would she ever help him pay that, there was no way to convince him to come home with that sort of debt. Her hope sputtered within her and every doubt fulfilled her thoughts. It would never be the same again.

The man in charge started naming more players and their debts as the videos changed to their ddakji matches. The reality of everyone's debts weighing heavily on their shoulders.

"Player 114, Ha Nari, 83 million won in debt." His eyes enlarged seeing a video of her in a pretty black dress with her best makeup getting the smile smacked right off her face.

"Nari..." 83 million won? It couldn't be, they must've had the wrong person. How would the Ha Nari Myungi-Gi knew accumulate such a debt?

He wouldn't believe it and he wouldn't believe she was here until he saw her. Until then, none of this was real. Just his kind tricking him. But all he could see was the replaying image of the man slapping her across the face in his mind.

It angered him to have known someone put their hands on her in that way. No one had the right to touch her in any way that harmed her, he knew when he left this place he would find the salesman and hurt him worse than he hurt her.

So he thought.

honey’s note

nothing too serious this chapter

but next chapter… stay tuned, lovelies!

[eggrollforyou]

First Tattoo

Law x F!reader

CW: sfw, fluff and silliness

Summary: a (not so short- I swear I can't write anything short) blurb about reader being nervous for her first tattoo and asks Law to come to settle her nerves

A/N: thanks for this request @dreamcastgirl99 ! I had fun with it. Especially trying to incorporate the last lines. Every time I get a tattoo I hear it from the artists when I don't flinch 🤣 I hope you enjoy!! 💚

Your mind was made up, you had your tattoo design picked out, you had your appointment set up and suddenly, it was appointment day. Being your first tattoo you were SUPER nervous. It hurts right? It's gotta hurt. How bad does it hurt? Oh my God what am I doing? This is permanent. Do I really like the design we discussed? You think to yourself in rapid succession, biting your nails. Your face and chest feel hot. Your nerves are getting to you, quickly. “L-law?” You cry out, panic in your voice. He pokes his head into the room, “Hmm?” He says your name, “what's up?” his response laced with concern.

“I don't think I can do this. What if I regret this tattoo? It's stuck with me forever!” your voice on the verge of breaking. He chuckles, “It’ll be FINE! What you want is beautiful and you'll cherish it. It's just nerves. Want me to come with you for comfort?” He brushes your hair behind your ear. “Yes, please,” you whisper sheepishly, feeling slightly better knowing he'll be there with you.

You're on the island where you have your tattoo scheduled. Walking to the shop, you find yourself rambling- word vomit, when you're nervous. “They're going to disinfect the area, shave any hair, he'll put the stencil where you want it, and they just follow the stencil. It's really routine. You'll be fine,” Law attempts to reassure you for the umpteenth time. You shake your nerves out of your hands as you stand in front of the shop. “Ok. That sounds easy enough. Let's do this,” as Law presses a quick kiss on your temple.

“Alright, little lady. You ready to do this?” The tattoo artist has your tattoo stencil placed, he's got his gun, needle ready as he looks up at you from his chair. Your heart starts pounding again, you feel it like your heart will burst from your chest.

Hearing only the roar of your blood in your ears, you take a deep breath looking at Law. Your eyes are wide, you're trying to center yourself instead of panicking. He moves his chair next to you and grabs your hand, “You don't have to do this if you don't want to,” he whispers. “Will it hurt?” you ask with a slight tremble in your voice. As he gives your hand a reassuring squeeze, you take another breath. “Well, yea. I mean it hurts like hell,” Law was never one to mince words, even with you, despite the softness he showed only to you.

He senses your unease and clears his throat “But the spot you picked isn't super sensitive. Plus, you're YOU. You're tough. I've seen you go toe to toe with the scrappiest pirates in dark, dingy, bars,” he winks. You chuckle with him, taking a breath, and nod at the tattoo artist, “I think I'm as ready as I'll ever be.” He presses the needle to start and you twinge in pain, trying your hardest to keep still. It's a strange sensation. Like your skin is being scraped and pinched at the same time. After about 30 seconds you realize This actually isn't as bad as I thought. I can handle this.

You look over at Law and he smiles at you, “See? Everything is fine, right?” He studies your face to gauge where you're at. You exhale a long forceful breath, “Yea, it's actually not as bad as I thought. It was the nerves making it worse,” you chuckle. After an hour and a half, your tattoo is done. The artist moves so you can check it out in the mirror leaning against the wall. “So? How do you like it?” The artist and Law both ask. Your heart skips at the sight and you shake your hands in excitement, “Oh my gosh, I LOVE it! And it barely even hurt!” Law scoffs, “Tch, barely hurt? What are you talking about?” The tattoo artist laughed, throwing his head back, “Women always handle the pain better than men.” You can't help but laugh when you see Law glaring daggers at the shop owner.

Tags: @shy-writer-999

Dividers by @/cafekitsune

[squarebracketsmileyface]

i have this headcanon i adore where jay and alex were hanging out in college at jay and alex’s apartment and brian comes over to visit. one thing leads to another and alex is sitting in the kitchen while brian pierces his ear because this guy wanted his ears pierced. it doesn’t hurt but it’s the sort of shock more than anything (and blood) that sorta makes him cry? it’s not a bad cry just a sort of in shock cry that jay eventually talks him through, and afterward alex really does like the piercings. i have ideas on what follows but i shan’t say for now. but it’s a hc i really enjoy, the intimacy in something not quite intimate but you’re doing because you adore your friend/partner thing. plus i love giving them fun college experiences.

Omg yes.

I just. I love needleplay. It's so fucking pretty. And making it permanent rather than being play piercings they have to take out right after? Even better. God Alex would look so pretty. I think he'd have to sit in his hands so he doesn't panic last second and grab Brian's wrist to stop him, because he does want his ears pierced, his lip pierced, his nose pierced, his eyebrow pierced, but he's always been bad with pain, or things he thinks will hurt. So even though he's actually surprised by how little it hurts, just a really really sharp pressure while the needles actively piercing through his flesh and then literally no pain at all after it's no longer breaking his skin, his body just acts on instinct to stop whatever is gonna cause him pain. They only manage to pierce his ears the first time they do it, tho it takes like four false starts, and for the fifth try Alex sits on his hands so Brian can do it.

Brian cuddles the shit out of him afterwards, like, so much. The whole thing gets Alex so floaty so fast, and they knew it was going to happen, but they didn't realise just how fast he'd go down with the shock of the pain. Like getting both piercings actually done takes less than a minute, Brian's good at this by now, he's done so many of his friends and his own piercings, but they spend like a solid half and hour afterwards just cuddling and Brian telling Alex how amazing he was, how well he sat still even though he wanted to squirm away. He's so fucking soft with it. They're not even dating or anything, it's just a good ol' helping of platonic kink, y'know?

Like, if it was Jay getting pierced, Brian would kiss him and probably fuck him afterwards, just cos, but this is Alex, so they just cuddle and eat snacks and watch a movie together and it's fucking amazing and they love each other so much. And when Jay gets back in from somewhere (idk lectures or something shit) he just joins the pile on the sofa and is like "omg omg show me show me" and Alex lifts his hair up so he can see the piercings, and he cooes about how good they look on Alex, asks if he'd do it again and grins when Alex nods and is like "yeah honestly I'm already thinking about getting my lips pierced now."

And Brian's fucking beaming, he's like "well, you know where to come when you wanna do that" and the three of them just spend the rest of the day together.

I do like the idea of Brilex having a totally platonic kink relationship. Like, they never kiss, they don't fuck or get off during the sessions, just have fun with pretty rope, or piercings like this, or wax or literally whatever, y'know? Stuff like that.

God I love the idea of if they lived in the same house or whatever, Brian helping Alex care for his piercings, helping him put saline on them every morning and night and stuff like that, just tenderly holding Alex's chin and tilting his head, tucking his hair carefully behind his ear to keep it out of the way while he swabs a bit of saline over the piercings, praising Alex for how well they're healing, how well he's taking care of them.

OMG QUEERPLATONIC BRILEX, they're not romantic, and they don't kiss or fuck or anything, but they're definitely something other than 'just friends' y'know? Oh they'd be so cute. Bray dating and fucking, then in the morning coming downstairs to hug Alex and have breakfast with him, a big ol' poly QPR :D

[koyagifs]

𝓼𝓹𝓲𝓭𝓮𝓻𝔀𝓮𝓫𝓼

pairing: spiderwomen! reader x iron man! yunho x venom!mingi

au: spiderman |

genre: love triangle | angst |

synopsis: he just wanted to be with you, to love & cherish you. How dare spider-women and iron man ruin his plans.

word count: unknown - will be updated once im home

you stared at Mingi with tears stinging your eyes, your s pider senses tingling so much that you felt a headache. You felt at uneasy that even without saying anything you already sent a signal to your boyfriend, and you knew within a few minutes he’ll be here.

Mingi looked at you with so much hurt and in awe. Awe that the women he loves is literally spider-women the one he admires so much. Hurt because you never told him you were spider-women.

Mingi’s eyes bore into yours, a storm of emotions swirling within them. He took a shaky step back, his voice breaking as he whispered, “… you’re Spider-Woman?”

You froze, heart pounding in your chest. This wasn’t how you wanted him to find out. Not like this, not with danger so close you could feel it crawling up your spine.

“Mingi, I—” you started, but the words caught in your throat. What could you say?

“ you’re spider-women this whole time, and didn’t even tell me. Your best friend of nearly 20 years..”

His tone was a mix of disbelief and betrayal, and it hurt more than any physical wound you’d ever endured. You flinched at the pain in his voice, guilt gnawing at your insides as you struggled to find the words to explain.

He let out a dry laugh, running a hand through his hair. “You know what’s funny? I’ve spent months admiring Spider-Woman, thinking she was incredible, untouchable. And the whole time… it was you. The woman I love.” His voice cracked at the end, and the pain in it cut you deeper than any physical wound ever had.

Your mask slipped from your hands just as Yunho landed in front of you. Mingi wanted to vomit, his two closest friends - not telling him their secrets. The voice in his head tormented him.

“ you love me?” you whispered.

Mingi’s lips pressed together tightly as the symbiote whispered venomous thoughts in his mind. His head swam, the revelation of not just one, but two betrayals sinking in. He’d trusted you—trusted Yunho—and now the weight of it all threatened to crush him.

His chest heaved as he struggled to find the right words, but the symbiote’s voice echoed louder in his mind. Tell her. Let her feel what you feel—betrayal. Pain. Let her suffer.

“I…” he started, but the crack in his voice betrayed him. His feelings—raw and unfiltered—were written all over his face. “Yeah,” he admitted, his tone bitter and broken. “I do. But apparently, that didn’t matter enough for you to trust me.”

“Mingi, it’s not like that,” you said quickly, stepping forward, but Yunho raised a hand to stop you. His eyes were locked on Mingi, who was visibly trembling, his fists clenched as the black tendrils of the symbiote pulsed erratically across his skin.

“Mingi,” Yunho said carefully, his tone measured. “I didn’t tell you for the same reason Ynie didn’t. This wasn’t about trust—it was about protecting you.”

“Protecting me?” Mingi spat, his voice distorted as Venom surged, amplifying his frustration. “How is lying to me supposed to protect me, Yunho? You’re Iron Man! You’re supposed to stand for honesty, for trust, and you couldn’t even give me that?”

The words hung heavy in the air, and Yunho’s expression hardened, though guilt flickered behind his eyes. “I get it,” Yunho said, his voice steady. “You’re hurt, and you’re angry. But right now, you’re letting the symbiote take control. You need to fight it, Mingi.”

Mingi’s eyes snapped to Yunho, a venomous glare taking over. “Don’t talk to me about control, Yunho. You’re no better than me. At least I didn’t pretend to be someone I’m not.”

“Stop!” you shouted, stepping between them. Your hands trembled as you reached out toward Mingi. “This isn’t you. Please, listen to me—listen to yourself. The symbiote is twisting everything, making it worse.”

Mingi’s gaze shifted to you, his expression faltering for just a moment. The tendrils retreated slightly, giving you hope. “You lied to me, yn,” he said softly, his voice almost fragile. “How am I supposed to trust anything you say now?”

You gulped, your voice trembling as you tried to explain. “I don’t know, but Mingi, please. You have to understand—”

“Understand what?” Mingi snapped, his voice sharp and cold as the symbiote flickered across his body. “There’s nothing to understand! It’s clear you made your choice… and now, we’ve made ours.” His eyes, glowing faintly with venom’s influence, locked onto yours, filled with hurt and betrayal.

Your breath hitched, and your heart clenched. “Mingi, no, that’s not what this is,” you pleaded, stepping closer. “I never wanted to hurt you. I didn’t tell you because I was trying to protect you—”

Enough with this bullshit lie!” Mingi growled, his voice dripping with venom—both literal and metaphorical. The symbiote writhed across his body, black tendrils flaring as his emotions spiraled out of control. “I’ve always been in the shadows of Yunho. He always gets the girl while I sit in the back, as if I’m his damn butler!”

The venom in his words hit you like a slap, but you didn’t move, didn’t flinch. You stood your ground, your heart pounding in your chest as Mingi closed the distance between you, his face mere inches from yours now.

“Mingi, this isn’t about Yunho,” you said, your voice steady despite the tremor of fear running through you. “This is about you and me. Don’t let your jealousy twist this into something it’s not.”

“Jealousy?” Mingi laughed, a dark, humorless sound that sent chills down your spine. “You don’t get it, do you? I’ve spent years watching him take everything I’ve ever wanted without even trying. And now I find out the girl I love—you—kept me in the dark while trusting him?”

Behind you, Yunho’s suit powered up, the faint hum of his repulsors breaking the tense silence. He raised his hand, his palm glowing as he locked his target on Mingi, his once closest friend. “Back off, Mingi,” Yunho warned, his tone calm but firm. “I don’t want to hurt you, but I will if I have to.”

Mingi’s eyes darted to Yunho, a sneer curling on his lips. “Of course, the golden boy swoops in to play the hero. You think you’re better than me, Yunho? You think your shiny suit makes you untouchable?”

“This isn’t about me, Mingi,” Yunho shot back, his voice steady. “It’s about you losing control. Don’t let the symbiote win.”

Mingi growled, the symbiote flaring as he turned his attention back to you. The tentacles shot across, pinning Yunho to the wall as the others wrapped around you. You squirmed. “Tell me, yn,” he demanded, his voice raw and trembling.

The symbiote now taking full control of Mingi, you looked at Venom straight on. Ignoring the alarms that are running through you.

“Was it ever me? Did I even stand a chance, or was I always second to him?”

[mars-ipan]

some postgame doodles for pride month

[l0rd-0f-c0ws]

I frequently feel completely isolated no matter how much I talk to people. So that's fun

[medicinemane]

It's amazing how quickly you can make someone turn on your company by making a stupid and insulting move

Force me to go through the front door and scan my card when I have backdoor business that never needed a card before (what? ...I was going to somehow... sneak in and... purchase things with a borrowed card? ...which I totally can't do from the front door after scanning it?)

Or like... twitterify your layout right after your users give you a bunch of money just cause they like you, and then refuse to walk it back

...or all the other things companies do that just kinda piss people off and then they refuse to acknowledge maybe it sucks and is stupid cause "hey, the customers didn't leave"... yeah... yet