#look I’m just saying this blog makes me seem very very not straight
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oh man sometimes I scroll through this blog and read the things I say and am struck by crippling self awareness holy hell
#look I’m just saying this blog makes me seem very very not straight#(what with all the talk of soda in drag and the way that I keep tagging things w/ “thoughts of a guy who is straight istg”…etc)#this ain’t a bad thing necessarily it’s just a neutral thing and it’s kinda funny to me lol#would y’all believe that irl I’m known for being a gym rat; a “tough juvenile delinquent”; and also a flirt (w/ GIRLS not guys)?#I don’t think folks irl would recognize me based on this tbh and that’s getting pretty hilarious to me#rambling#personal stuff#delete later
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Heyyy!! I really like your blog and id love to share some of my manifestations bc seeing your list and advice inspired me to manifest some stuff for myself💗
I made people absent at will within like a few hours, it was a teacher I really hated and she’s seeming always present but I just decided she’s not one morning and turns out she got stuck in a bad traffic so we missed classes with her 😭 I did this multiple times with multiple teachers
My grades are literally perfect and I never study, the moment I take an exam it’s like information floods my brain and I always get the best results in my entire class to the point I’m considered the class’ smartest 🤭
I manifested new stores opening up all around me with clothes exactly in my style and around 4 days ago, I think, a new thrift store with great quality y2k clothes opened up near me and the clothes look straight out of my pinterest board
I manifested money so many times I can’t even count… its either my parents giving me some, someone else paying for me, or just opening my wallet and there’s more than I saw before
I completely changed my voice. I used to hate it bc it was very shaky and I sounded on the verge of crying when just speaking normally, but now my voice is very smooth and stable + sounds very soft I love it
I’m not very interested in dating, but I did manifest people showing romantic interest in me + got my previous crush to be absolutely down bad for me it was crazy 😭
I got an Iphone, earbuds, and a new laptop for free
I also changed my appearance in various ways such as changing my eyecolor, clearing up my skin, changing my hair colour, changing my hands bone structure (they used to have quite wide joints that’ll stick out in a weird way, but now they’re straight) and more…
If I were to give advice to others I’ll just say to trust yourself and know that you have it bc you absolutely do, that’s how easy it is 🤧
Yes yes yes yes yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Y’all don’t understand how happy it makes me to see yall with all these successes omgg🥹💖 So you made people absent and had people show up, you perfected your grades, manifested money, CHANGED YOUR VOICE???? and new tech for freeeee as well as physical appearance changes…… Babe. I’m gonna be honest. You a f*cking master at this but you already knew that!!!!!! It’s so easy and all it takes is trusting yourself yes!!!
Maybe we should all do a list manifestation thingy and just get a bunch of amazing random shit. I love you so much for sharing and I’m so excited to see what else you have in store for yourself💖💖💖
#anon ask#success story#itsrlymine#loa success#law of assumption#imagination is reality#lawofassumption#loa tumblr#loassumption#manifesting#shifting#reality shift
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The Sweetest Thing - Teaser
All your life you’ve been your sisters’ punching bag. Never good enough. Never fully accepted. When your mother makes one of them choose you as her maid of honor you reluctantly agree. Semi-vacationing in Tuscany with your ‘beloved’ family, you meet two handsome strangers one night and let them do whatever they want with you. Too bad you didn’t ask for their names first.
Pairing: Heeseung x F!Reader x Sunghoon
Genre: Strangers to ???, Porn with Plot
Warnings: CHEATING!!! reader is hooking up with her sisters’ fiancés, sisters are horrible and suck, mentions of past verbal abuse, reader is somewhat a pervert (she defo is), heeseung & sunghoon definitely are perverts, heeseung & sunghoon are mean, they have nothing good to say about their fiancés, alcohol consumption, adult content MDNI! smut warnings will be in actual fic
Word Count: 5.7k (so far)
Release Date: August 8th
Taglist: @skzenhalove, @haelahoops, @deobitifull, @shiningnono, @jakeswifez, @slut4hee @gyuhanniescarat , @branchrkive @doublebunv , @capri-cuntz, @jaehyuniewifeu, @whateverhoon, @c-oupsie you can be added by replying to this post or sending me an ask <3 there must be an age indicator in your blog since this is a nsfw fic!
Something about the Italian sky seems different. Maybe it’s because you’re not close to a big city, but the stars shine brighter than you’ve ever seen them. It feels like a movie; the stars and moon so visible with no cloud in sight, the small street of Arezzo you’re currently sitting in - a small restaurant with a small menu but a nice older man that speaks decent English. A glass of wine standing on the small table beside you and the first bit of peace you’ve felt in days.
It’s when you take your next sip of wine you see them.
Two men straight out of a magazine walking towards one of the free tables next to yours and sitting down. There is nothing you can do but stare. Both of them have dark hair, one of them a bit shorter than the other. They are dressed elegantly, designer shoes and pants, blazers hanging over their chairs. Even if you wanted to - you could not possibly say which one was more attractive.
What a nice way to end a horrible day, you think. Smiling, you finish your glass and immediately order the next, not entirely used to drinking so much, but not caring since you are miles away from home and no one here knows you anyway. The waiter nods and then proceeds to go over to the newcomers. The one with the slightly lighter hair and the mole on his nose orders in perfect Italian, with just enough of an accent for you to know they aren’t from here. Your choice of table appears to be perfect for watching them, listening to them converse in a language you understand.
And it all stays innocent like this - they talk about their flight and about friends - until suddenly the conversation sways.
“I honestly- fuck, I can’t believe we’re actually doing this, you know?” The one with shorter hair says and his friend sighs, taking his wine glass and finishing it in one go. Impressive. There was at least half left in yours.
“I don’t know what to tell you. We committed and now we’re fucked.”
“Just that we aren’t getting actually fucked.”
They look at each other before they laugh, shaking their heads. Meanwhile, your ears perk up.
“Fuck, I really don’t know the last time she let me hit it, Hoon. I think I’m going crazy.”
“Yeah, same here. Like, yeah, we fucked once the day before her flight. But literally only missionary and she didn’t suck me off.”
“Again? Dude, is she ever even putting her mouth on it?”
“Nope. Ever since we got engaged she’s like this fucking prude. Is yours like that too?”
“Yeah. I got her flowers and her favorite chocolates and she still wouldn’t even jack me off, like fuck, if it’s gonna be like this forever I can just go cut my dick off.”
Jesus. These two seem to be in very happy relationships. Makes you almost feel better to not be in one. Even if your mother would beg to differ. She’s been desperate for you to find a match for ages. For whatever reason, really, considering her two golden girls were about to get married to rich and handsome heirs.
“Just one good blowjob, man, that’s all I want, really. I miss getting some good fucking head.”
The way short hair looks at mole - with so much understanding and pity, you can’t help but chuckle. Chuckle loud enough for them to take notice.
Their gazes burn on your face before you even see them. But when you do your smile dies and instead makes room for horror. They heard you laugh at them. Even worse, they know you’ve been listening. Shit.
Thankfully, you are three glasses of delicious white wine in and the fourth one is almost empty. Which means you aren’t the sweet little wallflower you’d usually be. Scary, how alcohol can change people.
“Oh, I am sorry. I shouldn’t have eavesdropped.” You apologize, placing your hand over your heart.
“Agreed.” Short hair says, his eyebrow raised. Now, with both of their eyes on you, it seems like they are even more attractive. Perfect faces with pretty eyes and soft looking hair. Handsome men in unhappy relationships that fail to give them what they need. It’s almost comical how the switch in your head turns over, how the persona you normally never let anyone see until you’re in a secluded space comes out and gives you the courage to speak your next words.
“I just couldn’t believe my ears,” you let your finger glide over the rim of your glass, eyes on the two men with your tongue slipping out to lick over your bottom lip, “how anyone would be opposed to having sex with you.”
Oh.
Sunghoon and Heeseung’s ears perk up just like yours did earlier. Eyes widen slightly as they understand the innuendo in your words.
They think about the same thing - the last time they took a girl together. Probably during senior year in college. Back then, they used to do that regularly. Having almost the identical type in women. Instead of having to let her choose, she’d get them both.
But it’s been years since then. They are in committed relationships now, about to get married. And still - neither of them can deny that you fall right into their usual prey, or well, the prey they’d chosen back in college before their parents had picked out their wives for them.
It’s the way you look at them, the way your eyes say so much more than your words. It is also the way both of them feel like they are 22 again with nothing but getting their dick wet on their minds. One thing about Heeseung and Sunghoon - they always worked perfectly in a pair. Back in college and now, too. They can almost read each other’s minds at this point, only a short exchange of looks needed to know neither of them gave a single fuck about anything right now.
“Want to sit down with us?” Sunghoon asks and points at the free chair opposite them. You smile.
“It’d be my pleasure.”
header credit @wongyuseokie <3
#enhypen smut#heeseung smut#sunghoon smut#heeseung fanfiction#enhypen fanfiction#kvanity#ksmutsociety#heeseung x reader#sunghoon x reader#sunghoon x reader x heeseung#heeseung x reader x sunghoon#enhypen au#enhypen fic#enhypen imagine#heeseung imagine#sunghoon imagine#sunghoon fanfiction#enhypen fanfic#lee heeseung x reader#park sunghoon x reader
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Hi! Can I get Dan Heng, Jing Yuan, and Blade with a reader who's like Furina from Genshin? Also your blog theme is cute ❤️
Characters: Dan Heng, Jing Yuan, and Blade x Female Reader
Synopsis: with reader that’s like Furina
Warnings: Fluff, spelling mistakes
𝒟𝒶𝓃 𝐻𝑒𝓃𝑔
"Well, my dear Dan Heng, rejoice that you are now in my presence.” He listens to words like these all the time. It doesn't bother him that you act the way you do, always acting so confident before running away with a tail between your legs, or even better, hiding behind him.
Whenever you sulk (by a huge body of water filled with sea creatures), on your knees, cupping a little sea creature with such a depressed expression on your face, he’s always there, yet you don’t notice until he reveals himself to you. "Haha, you saw spectacular acting. Did you think I was crying? Well, I wasn't.” You scoff and laugh, trying to pretend you were okay when you weren’t.
Trying to comfort you, but he can’t seem even to touch your walls since you put up 50 more. Since ‘actions speak louder than words’ don’t they “you’re lying." "Ha, I’m not. I don’t know what you're talking about. I've never cried since I’m the life of the show." "Your eyes are puffy.” “THEY AREN’T, so stop saying that!”
You’ll never admit to it unless you're on your last breath or not. So he’ll hug you until you stop crying about whatever upsets you, and he’ll only do this for you.
𝒥𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒴𝓊𝒶𝓃
When a general is madly in love with you, he won’t care about any flaws you might have. If he were to be honest, when looking at you, he couldn’t help but remember the first time you had. You were a famous performer, and everyone enjoyed your acts, especially the ones that involved mystery. There had to be a trial, or this ain’t a show you want to be in.
You always played ‘the dashing and beautiful watcher/the great judge who had such venom and confidence in her voice’ and he was still training hard with Jingliu; your personality never faltered even without the stage that you were born to be on. It was who you truly were.
Now that you two have been together, you're more sentimental with him since acting for your entire life and being someone you're not is very tiring, so why not take a vacation? You love sea animals so much, why not go somewhere with a lot of animals? like a honeymoon.
𝐵𝓁𝒶𝒹𝑒
"Annoying,” that’s what he always thinks about (not all the time though). Your are so loud that he can hear you from the other room, and your dumb little shows, which he gets dragged to, are always about you.
Call you a brat and know you can’t do anything about it since you're like a scared cat; it doesn’t make it better that you hide behind him every time you go meet someone with a bad reputation; he has to go with you or you’ll die!
Gripping on his arm, "Please, blade, accompany me.” “Why should I do that? I don't remember being some sort of bodyguard to you.” "Blade, please; I promise I won’t bother you again!” He’s just messing with you; he’ll come with you, but he wants something else in return, like maybe the most tame thing he’s thinking about is a kiss.
When you kiss him as a payment, he’s so mean about it afterward, straight up making fun of you. When you complain about him teasing, “I’ll never forgive; you’ve done something worse than treason against me,” before walking off in a hurry.
He’s not all that mean, comforting you whenever you're in a depressive mood, giving you everything, and staying with you until you're better, and when I say he’s glued to you, he’s GLUED to you, making you feel better in any way he can, even if others call extreme care so much. He does not listen to anyone.
if you liked this, consider tipping me on ko-fi! it'd mean a lot!
#✧*:・゚✧:・ Yurinna's Writing :・゚✧*:・゚✧#honkai star rail#hsr x you#hsr x reader#hsr x y/n#honkai star rail x reader#dan heng#dan heng x you#dan heng x reader#jing yuan x reader#jing yuan x you#hsr jing yuan#honkai blade x you#blade x reader#blade x you
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Tentacles (Ren/MC)
this blog is a gooner safe space. sorry for the late upload, i got home from work last night and immediately fell asleep ^_^
day 9: tentacles second person. cw for anime.
"What are you doing?"
Ren let out a barked yelp at the sudden sound of your voice, jolting out of his computer chair and pressing up against his desk, shielding his computer screen from you with his body.
“What are you doing, barging in like that?!” He demanded, his pointed ears raised high and his tail shooting straight and still, glaring at you, looming in the frame of his now open door, over his shoulder. “This is my room!"
"Can you blame me?” You shrugged, not caring about his cowering form as you entered the room, your arms crossed over your chest. “I'm stuck in one house, all hours of the day, I'm gonna get bored, like a…house cat or something." You huffed, blowing a strand of hair out of your face, before giving him a considered look, tilting your head. "So...what are you doing?"
“None of your business. It's private.” He retorted quickly and coldly, still trying to keep his screen covered, a deep, embarrassed red flushing across his face as he stubbornly kept staring at you, defiant. “You can see that, can’t you?"
"Mm, yeah, I figured as much." You replied, sucking your teeth, your lazy gaze lingering on his tight body (tight with nerves and defiance) before going back to his flushed face, not totally hating what you were seeing. "Can I see?"
With the way Ren’s tail bristled and puffed up, like that of a grumpy cat, you guessed that he was trying to appear angry, or at the very least, like he was something, someone you shouldn’t mess around with.
But you were pretty bored. And you liked messing around.
“No. I told you, it’s private." He shot back in a hiss, ears lowering quickly. “Pervert."
You let out a scoffed laugh and rolled your eyes, nodding towards the screen which was still playing the video he was watching.
"I’m the pervert? You're the one watching hentai, aren’t you?” You said, your eyes narrowing slightly. “What, you’re really too embarrassed to show me?”
An intense, mortified flush immediately shot across his face at that correct accusation, his ears lowering sheepishly, and his tail drooping down into a sad, limp sway, as he keened back against his desk, trying to hide it even more.
“Th- That’s not-” He started to protest, trying to defend himself, but he quickly closed his mouth, realizing there was little he could say.
Oh no. You didn’t totally hate that at all.
You smirked lightly, stepping forward into the warmth and the soft glow of his bedroom.
"I'm not a prude, Ren,” You murmured quietly, trying to encourage him out of his shy posturing. “Even if you try and make me out as one. I have watched porn before, even some of the lame shit you’ve watched."
Ren’s ears perked up slightly, though his expression didn’t give away anything but persistent discomfort, watching you approach and encroach into his personal space. He made no effort to move away from the desk, either, just staring at you with a conflicted expression, like he was waiting to pounce or flee, if he had to.
"Why do I find that hard to believe..." He muttered through a slight sneer, his lip curling around his fangs..
"Because you're a close-minded prick?" You suggested, raising your brow. “Who thinks I can’t possibly also be a pervert because I’m not putting out to you, twenty-four-seven?”
Ren’s ears lowered again at the accusation, his lip jutting out in a pouted frown, staring at you with an expression that was halfway between shame and outrage.
"Come on, dude, just show me.” You said, giving him an exasperated, if fond smirk, taking one final step towards him, your hands positioning either side of his skinny hips, almost pinning him down to the desk. “What are you so shy for? As long as it's not anything gross or creepy, it'll just be funny."
"Funny.” Ren pouted slightly with another eye roll, though he didn’t seem to mind you being so close to him. Maybe he even liked it a little, something you sensed as his tail worked its way around your thigh, comfortable in molding to your body. “So, you're just gonna laugh at me, then."
"Probably.” You shrugged and nodded, your honesty making him scoff. “But you're a big boy, aren’t you? I think you can tolerate me teasing you a little..."
"Haha, that's very reassuring...” Ren huffed out sarcastically, before he let out another sigh, idly biting his lip for a moment, and sank back into the computer chair, letting you get a full look of what he was watching.
"...Jesus, dude."
The screen was filled with a mass of animated tentacles, pink and fleshy and phallic, wrapped around and invading a cast of anime girls in elaborate outfits, frames changing every few seconds to a new bulging body part, a new angle of invasion, or pornographic expression to keep things interesting for the viewer.
It was absolutely repulsive and deeply hedonistic.
And while you felt next to nothing at the animated display (and you rarely ever did with porn anyway), Ren was sinking more and more into the computer chair, his face going a darker hue of red.
"Do not." He said firmly, even though he couldn't meet your gaze.
"I'm not!" You laughed, eyebrows shooting up as the screen showed off a heavily pixeated tentacle invading another girl (with the pixels hiding the deep invasion, too). You couldn't hear the audio playing on Ren's headphones around his neck, but you knew what that sounded like. "I sure hope those school girls are of age, Ren."
"Shut up, obviously they are." He snapped back, defensive and annoyed like a teenager, stubbornly crossing his arms over his chest. "Don't make it weird..." He then grimaced, his hands going up to hide his face.
"I'm not making it weird when it is weird," You chuckled, idly leaning against the arm of his computer chair, still watching the screen. "Own your weirdness, dude, it’ll make you way happier in the long run."
"Ugh, I hate you…" He whined under his breath.
"You were the one who kidnapped me," You reminded him with a roll of your eyes (not mentioning that you were the one who chose to stay when he offered you your freedom). "You're not even going to talk me through it? Not going to explain your sick and twisted perversions to me?"
“…Do I really have to?” He muttered, his face still hidden behind his hands.
"Mm...I might make it worth your while if you do," You offered, moving to perch yourself on the computer chair with him, your hands sinking down to his lap. “You get what I mean?” Ren’s breath hitched slightly and his ears shot up at the touch, his body going tense. He slowly lowered his hands to look at you again, surprised, and his face an even brighter shade of red.
You were probably being pretty bold for someone who never put out.
But…you were bored, and you wanted attention. And this was an easy way to get it.
"Tell me," You said encouragingly, your hands toying with the toggle of his jogging bottoms, feeling the bulging heat beneath it. "I'm...genuinely interested."
A noise somewhere between a gasp and a whine left his throat at your touch, his hips reflexively twitching forwads, his tail flicking against your back as his wide eyes looked forward to meet your gaze, his mind clearly struggling to process the situation and why you were doing any of this.
“About…what exactly?” He squeaked out, his voice cracking a little bit as his face went impossibly redder.
"About, uh," You turned towards the screen and squinted at the title of the video. "Magical Girl Group Destroyed by Tentacles. Obviously."
“Right….” Ren whimpered out through another grimace (embarrassed at the video’s title, maybe), his hips involuntarily bucking up against your hand as he looked at the screen, his hands gripping the arms of the computer chair so hard, his knuckles were white. “I- It’s just…” He started to explain hesitantly, his voice a little breathless and his expression hot and humiliated. "I...ah, I like cute girls...?"
"Yeah, I figured that much out," You mumbled in a sarcastic drawl, leaning in and bringing your mouth closer to his ear and prying down the front of his joggers where his uncovered cock was drooling pre already. "Don't like them enough to feel bad about them being destroyed though, huh?"
“I- It’s just…fantasy, ah,” He said through a strangled moan, his head falling back as he let you work, your fist gripping his cock tightly and moving up and down, working him to full and painful harness. “I’d never…mm, I’d never actually do that to someone…” His own hands gripping the arms of the chair even tighter and his hips lifting slightly to allow you better access to work with him.
"Well, yeah, it's impossible." You said with a little snort, dragging your thumb over the beading slit of his cock. "But you'd like something in close approximation, wouldn't you?"
“I- I…ah…n- no.” Ren protested between breathless gasps, his body trembling slightly and his whole expression was one of flustered humiliation as you continued to work him over.
"Don't lieeee~" You cooed, your hand moving a little quicker, working the twitching length of his cock, all the way to his swelled knot and back up again. "You wouldn't like a cute girl, tied up and helpless and begging for you to be gentle with her while you invade every hole with whatever you’re able to?"
“Th- That doesn’t count…!" He protested feebly, his head falling back against the chair again as he squirmed and rocked his hips against your touch, his breath leaving him in quiet, shaky gasps. ”That’s…ah, totally normal…”
"No, it isn’t, you little creep," You murmured softly, nestling against the soft fluff of his ears and his hair, taking in his scent. “Most guys don’t want to torture a girl until she’s cumming her brains out…maybe you’re the only guy in the world who likes this shit, ever thought about that?
A full-body shiver ran up his spine, his tail curling up against your back as his grip on the arms of the chair grew even tighter, his whole body trembling now.
“Shut up, ah, god,” He huffed, barely getting the words out between quiet moans and shuddering breaths. “Why are you so fucking a-annoyinggguh… ”
He was losing it. And that was incredibly hot.
"You gonna come, Ren?” You teased, giving his ear a little nip. “God, I barely touched you. Behaving like a real vigrin, huh?~"
“Don’t mock me,” He whined (complaining, not pleading, giving no vulnerability away), his body trembling even more now as you held him tighter, his cheeks flushing dark in embarrassment, though he didn’t try to move away. “F- Faster…please..” he added, his voice a pitiful gasp.
You let out a soft 'tsk' with a smug giggle, but you did as he asked you.
“God, this is so not fair…” He mumbled, his body shaking with need, his eyes tightly shut and his legs spreading (your own thrown over his leg, to make the position comfortable). “Mmh, please, please, please don’t stop…”
"So needy," You remarked, pressing closer, your free arm sliding around his shoulders "Almost too needy...maybe you should stop rotting your brain with so much porn, hm?"
“Shut up, don’t talk about it-” He protested weakly, though he couldn’t conceal the desperate trembling and whining from his voice. “God, I hate you so much…”
"Hmph," You smirked, pressing your lips against his neck. "So, you're gonna let me go, then? Since you hate me sooo much..."
“Shut up!” He protested, his head rolling to the side to give you more space to kiss along his neck, his arms wrapping around your waist and pulling you closer. “I can still hate you and want you to stay!”
"I thought so," You murmured with a smile, giving his neck another kiss. "We're really gonna have to do something about all this porn, though...aren't we?"
“Hah…ah…I’m not promising anything…” He answered breathlessly, his ears laying back as he arched his back, pressing his neck more into your kisses. “Close, ngh don’t- don’t stop…”
"No more porn for a week, and I won't stop.” You offered in a low warning tone, stilling your movements for just a second. “Okay?"
“Ah- a whole week?” Ren whined, lifting his head to look at you, his eyes wide and pleading, his hips still bucking up against your touch despite your sudden stillness. “That’s way too long, come on, a weekend, a couple of days, please-”
"A week. Take it or leave it."
His trembling jaw tensed a little, as he assessed his options.
“God, you’re awful..” He muttered with a huff, his head falling back against the chair again, his legs shaking slightly underneath you. “…Fine, fine, a week…”
"Good boy!"
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You know what? I have become a gaylor sympathiser
This is going to be a long post, sorry! Please read the full post before even thinking about commenting.
Over the past few days I’ve seen a few posts on my dash about taylor swift and her fans that have left a bad taste in my mouth.
I know that a lot of people think that some fans of her are “trying to make her gay” and I just wanted to put the record straight and defend some people after actually looking at what’s going on. And I know I’m probably opening myself up for tumblr’s poor reading comprehension but before I start I’m going to say this:
I do not think taylor swift is a lesbian
Ok? Now let’s have a conversation.
First of all from what I’ve seen most of the fans who talk about Taylor swift and queerness do it from a point of literary analysis and learning queer history. This is a huge part of the community and lots of people have said that they never would have learnt so much about queer history without reading taylor swift’s works through a queer lens.
Adding on to that point, it seems a little hypocritical for the gay site which loves queer readings of books, tv shows, songs, musicals, films etc to be bullying a pretty small group of people who are mainly doing queer readings of lyrics. Especially when those people get near constant death threats. Instead of bullying these people (who don’t think or do what you think they think and do) why don’t you go outside and think “does this affect me? No. Do I agree with them? No. Am I going to cyber bully them because of this? No.”
Secondly, for the people who believe that any speculation on a real persons sexuality is 100% wrong. I used to think this too but I have changed my mind a bit about this recently after stopping and thinking about it properly. I’m not trying to change your mind at all I just want you to stop and think for a minute.
If you only get mad when speculation is queer in nature, then maybe think about that for a minute. Why is it totally wrong to think a person might be queer. We probably do it in our daily lives with people we know and they likely do it with us, back in the day that’s how queer people found each other-by speculating on sexuality. Would you be upset if you found out someone that you know thought you might be queer? I wouldn’t, maybe you would but if you would, why? Why is it terrible to think someone might be queer (this is NOT about hounding a person to admit to being queer like shawn mendes, this is just thinking in your head and on your small blog that the person will likely never see). Also this is literally the website where we talk about historical (real people) being gay even when they would have never said something to the equivalent.
An addition to this point before people start saying in the comments is that this is NOT the same situation as with kit connor. The issue there was people assuming that he was straight and taking that role away from a queer person. Speculating that he was queer was the opposite of what happened in that situation. So this is not an example of what happens when you speculate queerness.
Final things to say:
1) don’t believe every post you see with someone looking insane about taylor swift being gay, a lot of them are fake.
2) before anyone says “they should listen to real queer artists instead” most of them very much do. There’s a lot of fans of Hayley kiyoko, girl in red, Janelle monae, tegan and sara, zolita, kehlani etc.
3) there are some queer flags that are there. Sorry but there are. Hairpin drops, lavender, the ladder, flag colours, songs about women, friend of dorothy reference. Whether they are intentional is a different matter.
4) shipping real people is not what is happening for the majority of the people in the community. Also this comes back to queer vs straight again. Plenty of swifties ship taylor with men she’s been seen with and no one goes into their inboxes and sends death threats even when they are the ones making taylor swift all about the men she may or may not have dated.
5) taylor swift has never stated her sexuality. I know this may be hard to belive based off of how some people act, but it’s true. She has made vague statements which could have many meanings but she has never clearly stated anything. When gaylors get upset with taylor it is not because she said she is straight, it’s because they are getting death threats and doxxed and she seems to either be unaware of it (which is unlikely given how she seems to be a little terminally online) or she doesn’t care enough to tell her fans to stop.
6) if she does explicitly say she’s straight then there will probably be disappointment in her use of queer history and flags and her potential queer erasure (as we saw with lavender haze, with straight women describing their relationships as lavender) and centring herself in queer spaces (like the you need to calm down music video) but no one will be angry that she’s not gay. And a lot will probably be grateful that she actually explicitly stated for the record to absolve any confusion. The main issue would likely be other fans ramping up the death threats and bullying.
In conclusion: these people who do queer analysis of Taylor’s work are not trying to out her or make her gay etc. if you don’t understand it that’s fine it’s clearly not for you and you can go quite easily without seeing any of it. It’s not illegal to read works through a queer lens and if it means more people know about queer history then I think that’s a very good thing.
I changed my mind after looking at what a lot of people are actually saying rather than what people perceive them to be saying and maybe you will too?
Just be kinder to people online please and if you don’t like what people are saying block them and do not engage!
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Making the ✨Lioncourt Gown✨ (Part 1/4)
Shoot, it's been like two years since I last posted, apologies! I’ve been incredibly busy with uni and life in general, taking care of my mental health, it’s just been a very stressful time lately. I haven't really worked on anything worthy of posting in the meantime, only minor things and one dress I rushed and it didn't turn out well anyway. But, since Halloween is coming up and I don’t feel like wearing the same thing for the third time in a row, I thought it was the perfect excuse to try and make something new and the other day at 2am I fell down a rabbit hole and came up with an idea I’m completely obsessed with.
So recently, (in case you couldn't tell by the title haha) I’ve been really into Interview with the Vampire (the TV show), and there’s this one costume that’s so iconic it immediately caught my attention: This Lestat outfit.
I feel like since this blog isn't fandom related I need to explain myself to those of you who are just semi-familiar with IWTV. Maybe you know Lestat as essentially the villain of the story and are wondering why on earth I'd want to make an outfit inspired by him. The answer is quite simple and not actually deep at all: I just thought it'd be a fun project. I'm very well aware of his personality and would not want to be in the same room as him in real life haha. But he's such an interesting character to watch on screen (they all are, in my opinion). Anyways-
This outfit is from a scene that takes place in the 1790s and now, I’m unfortunately not too versed in men’s fashion so I can’t quite comment on its historical accuracy (and also it’s worn in the context of a theater performance so it’s bound to be more flashy than what people would have worn on the streets), but the way the lapel is shaped just screams redingote to me, and since I've always wanted to make a redingote I'm going to make a redingote version of the costume!
For reference, here's what a c. 1790 redingote looks like:
This one has a normal button closure but redingotes were also often double-breasted (which is what I'm going for), taking inspiration from men's fashion. These were often worn to ride in - hence the name, redingote - riding coat.
Maybe this is the point where I should mention that I'm not going for perfect historical accuracy for this project. It really is just a fun project to try to approximate something as seen on a show to an actual historical piece of clothing.
Here’s a super quick sketch I drew to check if the colors looked good together, and I have to say, I’m sold 1000%.
I am so excited to wear this when it’s done, but also a bit anxious because for starters, I’ve never made a redingote before, and the dresses that I have made all have issues with the sleeves because apparently, I can’t sew sleeves correctly. So this time, I really want to make sure it all fits properly before I sew it and take my time with it to make sure it ends up being something that I love as much as I love the idea of it.
This time, I tried something a little different with my mockup - usually, I’ll draft a pattern on paper, then cut out my mockup and sew it, but this time I decided to make the mockup by draping the fabric directly on the mannequin that I dressed in my stays and a bumroll, making sure I had the correct measurments, and it was a complete gamechanger. It fit right away with minimal adjustments, and I was also immediately able to check how the fabric falls, if it needed to be on the bias or not, etc. I ended up doing everything on straight grain which is technically not 100% correct as the front piece needs to be on a slight bias but it seems to work for this piece so let’s hope the fabric doesn’t wrinkle! I’ll also be adding boning so I’m hoping that’ll additionally keep it all straight and even in the front.
Once the mockup was completed, I went on the search for the right fabrics and got these (the skirt fabric, the buttons and the tape I ordered online and they've yet to arrive!):
The black base fabric and the blue one are cotton, as will be the skirt. The details are satin! I spent a long time at the fabric store trying to think of the best way to do this and it does look like the details on Lestat's outfit are maybe velvet, but I was afraid it would look a little too costume-y and cheap, so I ended up going with satin in the end.
I pinned the fabric mock-up onto the lining fabric (just a white Ikea bedsheet), added 1,5cm seam allowances where needed cut out the lining first, then placed the lining onto the black base fabric and cut that out as well.
I needed to lay the pieces down this way because I bought 2,5 meters, and I'll need 2m for the outer skirt alone so there's not a lot of space left, as I'll also have to cut out the sleeves from that fabric. I then sewed everything together.
And then I noticed I'd made a mistake - the lining for the front panel was supposed to be blue. Welp, now it's white, and I also realized I didn't have enough blue fabric to do the collar AND the lining, so I went for a fake lining for which I cut out two blue triangles to be slightly bigger than the lapel
and stitched them to the lining layer so the seams wouldn't be visible on the black outer layer. This was the result:
Pretty happy with it! Next up, even though I don't have the beige tape yet, I decided to cut out the color panels in the front and already pin them down. After some trial and error, I decided to go for 15x4,5cm triangles and calculated the size needed for the shorter ones (9x7,5cm), cut them out of the satin (which, let me tell you, was so finicky it ended up being the most difficult part of it all) laid them down and fastened with pins.
This is what I have so far:
Looking at it in the picture, I'm worried that the color panels take up too much space in the front. It looks like that in the original picture, but in my sketch I made everything a little narrower. But I was also scared of pulling on it too much because the panels are just pinned to the fabric. Some parts are sticking out over the black base layer which maybe also makes it look wider than it really is, I'll cut it to shape once I have the tape and have a better visual understanding of what it's going to look like.
Next up will be the collar/yoke and the dreaded sleeves and possibly the boning. I should do the boning before I attach the beige tape. I am realizing as I’m writing this that I should’ve done the boning before pinning down the colored panels as they’re supposed to cover it. Oh well. It’s fine. Either way, I think it already looks super cool and I can't wait to see the finished product!
Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4|
#fashion history#historical fashion#iwtv#interview with the vampire#lestat de lioncourt#amc iwtv#sewing#redingote#georgian fashion#18th century#18th century fashion#18th century dress#1790s#1790s fashion#georgian#fashion
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The Raven of the Empty Coffin: Chapter 1 "Shigemaru" Part 1
Disclaimer: This is a fan-translation japanese-english of the original novel. The events of this novel follow after what's already covered by the anime. For an easier understanding, I recommend first reading the few scenes of previous books I've already translated.
Blog version
For the Prologue, you can find it HERE
Previously: Prologue
⊛ ⊛ ⊛
Chapter 1: Shigemaru (Part 1)
“Excuse me!” A high-pitched voice reverberated through the dirt floor.
I took a look outside. A tiny shadow was just behind the open shoji door, obscured by the sunlight at his back.
“Oh, hey, what brings you here?”
The boy, who was probably around seven years old, wasn’t anyone I knew. Could he have gotten lost? I wondered. However, as I tried to approach him, the boy cast his eyes down and tightened his grasp on the sleeve of his kimono.
“Well, eh, well, Mister Upper Quarters…”
“I’m from the upper quarters, yes, what do you need?”
My big size tended to scare little children, so standing up in front of him was out of the question. I quickly knelt down, crouching until I reached his eye level. Meanwhile, the boy seemed to have finally found his resolve and raised his head.
“You see, Mister, we actually have a package for you. But nobody is home right now so… could you wait here instead?”
Huh, his parents probably sent him here, then. And what a cute kid he was, so desperate to repeat the message properly.
“I don’t mind. So, you’re here for an errand, right? Where did you come from?” I asked.
It was at that moment that the boy finally seemed to realize I wasn’t going to eat him alive. His body visibly relaxed.
“The lower quarters.”
“Oh, so you’re that couple’s son! You must be very brave to come here all alone from so far away.”
The lower quarters was a big, old house close to the old commercial road(1). It was, in fact, quite the walk to get there. The road was just one straight line, yes, but we had barely any contact. It truly wasn’t a distance a young child could easily cross on their own.
“I flew about half the way here!”
“Oh, that’s impressive! So you can fly already.”
“Just a bit.”
“And that’s still amazing. I’m Shigemaru, what’s your name?”
“I’m Eita.”
My conversation with the boy was soon interrupted by the sound of loud footsteps. My younger brothers had just returned, running at full speed.
“Shige(2), is that a guest?”
“Oooh, who are you?”
All being similar ages, it took no time for the kids to befriend one another. They spent the entire time until Eita’s family arrived playing without a break. From tag to spinning top, they busied themselves with any and all kinds of games.
When the time came, it was obvious the poor kid didn’t want to go back home. He had too much fun here, it seemed. So, as we were saying our farewells, I had an idea: I decided to give him a little present, a newly made spinning top.
“Ah, that must be your best one yet! It looks so much better!”
“That’s so cool! Shige makes the best tops, so you better treat it well!”
“...... Is it for me?” Eita’s eyes sparkled. “Really? Can I have it?”
He was oh-so-visibly hesitating. How nice of him, he was nothing like my brothers or the other village brats. I was bursting into laughter before even realizing it.
“Why so timid? Eita, you did amazing today even though it was your first time playing with these. So, take this and practice for the next time you come over. How about that?”
“Next time…?” Eita whispered.
My brothers immediately took it upon themselves to start a ruckus.
“Yes, of course! Nothing stops you from coming back if you want to, right?”
“Let’s play again! This doesn’t have to be the last time.”
“And make sure to bring the top with you next time. That way we can have a match!”
Eita’s lips curved into a big happy smile. He nodded enthusiastically.
“See you! Come over to play again.”
“You better not fail us!”
“I won’t, see you!”
I watched as, under the sinking sun, his tiny frame became smaller and smaller on his way home. Again and again, he kept on turning back to look at us.
That day was the first and the last time I ever got to see Eita.
⊛ ⊛ ⊛
It was a fresh and invigorating morning. The blue sky was that particularly soft shade unique to spring. No better day to take on a new step in life, he thought to himself. The gentle, bright sunlight poured down and the blooming cherry blossoms that stretched under him gleamed. To him, they looked like drifting white clouds.
As he flew through, enjoying the chance to view the flowers from high up in the sky, he started to see figures slowly walking up a slope. He also started to notice horse riders appearing from all over. Everyone was headed in the same direction: a number of temple buildings lined up halfway up the side of the mountain. The walls surrounding them were huge, their appearance imposing enough to subdue any would-be-intruders.
In front of it all there was a plaza, which stood right before what one could surmise was the main entrance. Some horses had even landed there already, he noticed.
——That had to be it.
Shigemaru turned beak first towards the plaza, gliding down as he grasped the very air with his wings. Then, just as he reached the ground, he applied force to his entire body. In a mere instant, his form went from that of a massive raven to that of a human. Dust flew around flung by his wings, which quickly turned into impressive-looking tanned arms. His three legs, all ending in sharp claws, also shifted into a pair of legs that were just as imposing. He flexed, as if making sure everything was in order with his muscular body, and took the wrapping cloth bag hanging from his mouth.
Shigemaru raised his head in satisfaction and found himself face-to-face with a group of boys, all shocked by the giant who had just come down from the sky. His fellow new trainees, he surmised. They were the people he would sleep and eat with for the following three years.
But, was there something they wanted to say? He tilted his head in a wordless question. However, the boys, who had finally come back to themselves, ignored it and looked away instead, setting off towards the entrance. Across the door, multiple long tables were placed all over. From the looks of it, they were doing the new trainees’ reception there. A group of adults, most likely administrative officers, were taking in the boys as they arrived.
“Your letter of recommendation?” one of them said to him as he approached.
They didn’t even give him a chance to speak first.
“Here.”
“Name and place of origin?”
“Shigemaru of Shimaki.”
“A recommendation letter from the Headmaster and the Township Lord. All in order.” The administrative officer confirmed the contents of the letter and scribbled something down in a form. “Then, please, first head to the lodging houses to your new personal room. There should be a senior waiting there to guide you, just follow his instructions.”
The officer offered him a paper that said ‘second building, tenth room’. The moment Shigemaru tried to pick it up, however, the man gave him a wry smile instead.
“...... Still, you got some guts to come up to the entrance in bird shape,” the officer said, surprise in his voice.
Shigemaru gave him a blank look.
“Did I do anything wrong?”
“Oh, not particularly. It’s not like there’s any rule about it, but the Court Ravens will make fun of you, you know?” the officer warned him in a whisper and, finally, let him pick up the paper. “You’re from a rural area so you may not realize it yet, but central nobles are all like that. If you’re aware of what you’re doing, I won’t stop you. Just be careful.”
Shigemaru didn’t really get what he had to be careful about exactly, but he could at least tell the man was talking out of concern for his well-being. So, a sincere show of gratitude later, Shigemaru took off in the direction of his assigned lodgings.
Now that he thought about it, he couldn’t help but to notice that the other boys who were, just like him, carrying their luggage towards their rooms were all dressed in colorful clothes. Yatagarasu like Shigemaru and the others could alternate between two forms, bird and human, but to do so they had to weave a feather robe, black clothes made from part of their bodies. Once generated, which required a conscious effort on their part, it would automatically shift into their feathers when they transformed.
Kimono made of silk and hemp, however, only got in the way when shifting.
It wasn’t rare for people to spend their entire lives in their feather robe, at least for those who struggled with money. However, and rather unsurprisingly, it seemed such people were scarce among the Unbending Reed Monastery’s young trainees. In short, he was already sticking out and he had only just arrived.
Shigemaru found himself standing there, scratching his head, when he caught sight of another person with the same all-black look in that expanding sea of blues and browns. There was no mistaking it, right over there was another newcomer wearing a feather robe.
Shigemaru immediately ran towards him and enthusiastically patted the boy’s back.
“Hey! You must be from the countryside, just like me, right?”
His fellow trainee, who almost tripped from the sheer force of the impact, somehow managed to bounce back and turn around to look at him. He was quite tiny for someone his age. The boy stood there looking at Shigemaru, mouth open and dumbfounded, perhaps taken aback by his large frame. He wasn’t only small, his features too were still soft and childlike.
“Ah, I know I may not look like it, but I’m also a newcomer. I’m from the Northern Region as well, so to be honest I don’t have any idea of how things work here in the Center. Let’s get along, fellow country bumpkin.”
The boy kept staring at him for a while, before finally breaking into a smile.
“What are the chances? I’m also from the North!”
“Really? I’m from Shimaki.”
“Taruhi. I guess that makes us neighbors,” the boy said in a polite tone.
He introduced himself as Yukiya. He seemed like a nice person, Shigemaru thought to himself. Especially with that gentle look of his.
To top it all off, Shigemaru got a look at Yukiya’s paper on their way to the lodging houses. To his surprise, it turned out they were to share a room. Both were in the tenth room in the second building.
“Oh, we are in the same room as well.”
“Now that’s just fate, isn’t it? Nice to meet you then, here’s hoping we get along,” Yukiya bowed his head.
“I hope so too!”
From there on, they talked a bit about themselves as they moved across the different facilities. After a short walk, they finally reached the dormitory rooms. They both went on to check the door signs, but Shigemaru was the one to call Yukiya over. He had found the room, and it turned out their assigned senior was even someone he already knew. Shigemaru truly felt lucky that day.
Their mentor-to-be, Ichiryuu, was what one would call the stereotypical modern young man. Both for better and for worse.
He used to have quite the rebellious side. This, on top of his eccentric taste in clothes, made the Township citizens worry quite a bit about him back in the day. However, it seemed like his time at the Monastery had done him a lot of good and turned him into a splendid trainee. He had quite the foul mouth and a mean look in his eyes, but Shigemaru knew well that there was an upright character hidden underneath.
At the very least, and from the looks of it, Shigemaru wouldn’t have to worry much about roommate problems for the following year. He let out a quiet sigh of relief.
However, upon seeing Yukiya, Ichiryuu immediately turned white as a sheet.
“W-What are you doing here!? You said there was no way you would come to the Monastery, didn’t you?” he shrieked.
“Oh, about that, you see, the circumstances have changed a lot,” Yukiya gave him a pained smile. His attitude was still impeccably polite.
In the meantime, Shigemaru just stood there, giving alternating glances to his polar opposite roommates. Finally, he tilted his head.
“Wait, did something happen between you two?”
“Oh no, don’t worry,” Yukiya replied with a smile before Ichiryuu—whose face was contorted beyond belief—could say anything. No space was left for arguments. “We are childhood friends, after all. Everyone gets into one or two silly childish fights in their lives. But we aren’t kids anymore, so there’s no reason to hold a grudge, right?”
At Yukiya’s question, Ichiryuu froze for a second.
“Y-yes, of course. Who would hold a grudge over something that happened so long ago! Let the past be the past,” Ichiryuu agreed enthusiastically.
Yukiya’s smile, on the other hand, slowly deepened. “That said, I’ll make sure to not overstep just because of our past together. Ichiryuu, I trust you to guide us well as our senior.”
Yukiya bowed respectfully, and Ichiryuu’s face twisted once more as if he had just seen the world end.
“...... Yes, fine with me… Nice to meet you again…”
After a long period of silence, Ichiryuu finally opened his mouth again. His eyes looked dead—like those of a fish stuck on land—for some strange reason. For a moment there, it had looked as if his soul was going to leave his body. It worried Shigemaru quite a bit, but, by the time they left the dormitory hall for a tour around the Monastery, it seemed like Ichiryuu had finally returned to his usual self.
“We wake up as the sun rises,” Ichiryuu explained, his tone oddly desperate. He covered the details of Monastery life as they walked through the premises. “When to wake up, plus the start and end of the lessons, is all indicated by the ring of the bell tower up there. You won’t have to worry about missing meals as long as you pay attention. Be careful with the ‘ambushes’, however.”
“‘Ambushes’?”
“They simulate emergencies, so they happen without any prior notice. The alarm bell could sound at any time, even during lessons or during sleep. When that happens, we are supposed to gather at the plaza in front of the grand lecture hall. You should bring your Ornamented Blade(3) in hand, nothing else.”
“Ornamented… Blade? What’s that?”
“This.”
With the swooshing sound of the attached crimson strap being unfastened, Ichiryuu took off the tachi on his hip and showed it to them. Upon further examination, it was much lighter than it looked. The scabbard was covered in black lacquer and the ornamentation was simple but exquisite.
“It may look like the real thing, but it’s just a very well-made bamboo sword. They’ll give you one soon, it’s what identifies us as Monastery trainees. As for the decorative jewels, Evergreens have black ones, and white is for Saplings. For your generation, I think it’s supposed to be green. You should keep it with you at all times and, no matter what, never lose it.”
It was part of their duties as trainees to return their Ornamented Blade to the Monastery when they left. Hence why, if anyone lost it, they were summarily kicked out no matter the circumstances. “If you manage to overcome the Trial of Storm and are chosen for the Yamauchi Guard, however, you’ll be given the real blade in exchange.”
After they thanked him, Ichiryuu returned the Blade to its original spot with practiced ease. “Once you wake up, there’s always morning training. We eat after that. Both breakfast and lunch are made for us, so you just have to go and pick up a tray but, once you’re done, you’ll have to clean it yourself. Seeds stay behind afterwards to arrange the desks for their own lectures.”
Lectures took up most if not all morning classes. After lunch, however, it was all practical courses. “As for the dojo, whoever uses them last has to clean them up. Dinner is prepared in turns by the different dormitory halls. Turn assignments are hung at the dining hall’s entrance at the start of every month, so make sure to check them out.”
Unless there was some sort of night training session, which wasn’t common, there were no classes after dinner. Did that mean there was nothing to do, then? To that question, the answer was no.
“You’ll be getting plenty of homework. Until you get used to it, expect to be very busy keeping up with lectures. You may even need to skip sleep. There are study groups, however, and some seniors organize training sessions on weapons that aren’t covered by our classes. You can join those once you grow comfortable with the workload.”
During the tour, Ichiryuu also showed them to the biggest hall in the Monastery. Deep in the massive room with wooden flooring, there was a huge altar, hidden away by bamboo curtains. Yamagami, the Mountain God of Yamauchi, was lavishly enshrined there. The ceiling, supported by endless pillars, was so tall that it was a struggle to look up to it. From there hung a sublime canopy of gold.
Initially, the Unbending Reed Monastery was a temple dedicated to Yamagami. It was the reason behind the luxury of its facilities and why its grounds were vast enough to include a swimming pond and even a grove of trees the trainees used for practical training.
Their tour went on until dusk, as Shigemaru and Yukiya followed Ichiryuu through the enormous premises. Once it was time, however, they headed straight to the dining hall, where most trainees were already gathered.
Huge containers full of warm rice and pots filled to the brim with steamed vegetables and chicken dumplings awaited them in a corner of the room. Following Ichiryuu’s instructions, Shigemaru and Yukiya each took a set of trays(4) and utensils from the piles lying alongside the wall and proceeded to fill them with as much food as they could actually eat.
The three of them settled down in a circle in an empty spot among the other chattering trainees. They clapped their hands, said their blessings, and finally started to eat.
The meat dumplings were so juicy they leaked when one bit into them. The oily liquid had a golden tint and tasted like glory, with a flavor only achievable by boiling in large quantities. It was delicious, and Shigemaru simply couldn’t have enough of it: he had flown the entire way to the Monastery, after all. He devoured all his food with great enthusiasm, aided as he was by his empty stomach.
It all happened once they were putting aside their trays after dinner.
A group of seniors, most likely Evergreens given their apparent age, suddenly came in with a bunch of packages in hand. From them came the unmistakable, delicious aroma of sake. Apparently, it was tradition to hold a welcome party for the newcomers and so they had taken it upon themselves to go out to buy the alcohol and appetizers.
The seniors took care of all the preparations, setting up the entire party and refusing any help from some offering newcomers. The Evergreens busied themselves with hearing out some very nervous new arrivals as the Saplings efficiently moved around the room and made sure to distribute everything.
Finally, once everyone had a cup of sake in their hands, one of the Evergreens stood up to talk, aided by a push on the back from a friend. “To all newcomers, congratulations on joining the Monastery. We welcome you! There won’t be any time for fun from tomorrow onwards, so it’s our wish for you to enjoy the atmosphere at least for today.”
“However, you’ll have an awful time tomorrow if you get actually drunk! Be careful if you aren’t used to it.”
“There’s no way you can get drunk from this little.”
“Now, now. Don’t be spoilsports, let them drink all they can!”
Despite the constant interruptions from the sitting Evergreens’ banter, a toast followed soon after and, at last, everyone got to enjoy their drinks. Shigemaru, who had promptly finished his cup in one go, busied himself with chatting with his fellow newcomers and the seniors in his immediate area.
However, just a while later, the newcomers’ self-introductions started in earnest.
By that point, most were sober or slightly drunk at most, but a few were already wasted: their faces were completely red and they were incapable of properly articulating anything. The mood was quite good thanks to the sake, so laughter often found itself mixed in between the newcomers’ attempts to share their names, places of origin and reasons for joining the Monastery.
As soon as they were done, they returned to their seats with a bow and, immediately after, another newcomer close by would stand up to take their place.
“I’ve been assigned to the tenth room, second building. I’m Yukiya and I’m from Taruhi in the North.” Finally, Yukiya’s turn came. The boy, who had been sitting beside Shigemaru until that point, spoke without any hesitation. “My uncle used to be part of the Yamauchi Guard, so I’ve heard all about how hard the training here is ever since I was a little kid. I don’t know whether I'll be able to keep up, but I’ll do my best. Pleased to meet you all.”
As far as self-introductions went, Yukiya’s truly was the very epitome of average and unremarkable. An unenthusiastic applause followed it, after which Yukiya tried to sit back down with him. But, at that moment, someone else raised their voice.
“Wait! What about your reasons for joining the Monastery?” the boy outright protested, oddly enough.
The one who spoke out was a boy with reddish brown hair, and Shigemaru couldn’t help but gasp when he saw his face. He was incredibly handsome, with the kind of looks you rarely if ever saw back in the countryside. To Shigemaru, it was like having the chance to admire some rare unusual creature in the wild.
Yukiya, however, faced the other boy without giving any hint of being surprised or impressed at all.
“Well, I don’t really have a reason worth mentioning, you see. My only desire is to become a splendid Guard and work to protect Yamauchi.”
“To protect Yamauchi? Is that truly all there’s to it?” the boy asked once again, plain incredulity painted all over his stunning face.
Seemingly unbothered by the strange demands, Yukiya visibly blinked.
“...... Excuse me, may I know who you are?”
“My name is Akeru. I’m Akeru of the Western House.”
The instant the red-haired boy introduced himself, gasps of surprise filled the dining hall in what quickly developed into a ruckus. So that’s him! they whispered to each other. Even Shigemaru, an authentic country bumpkin, knew just how powerful and important the Western House was even within the nobility.
In practice, the lands of Yamauchi were governed by the Four Houses, the highest ranking of the noble families. The Eastern, Southern, Western and Northern Houses each had control over the territory in their respective cardinal direction. They were said to descend from the First Golden Raven’s four children. Any member of the aristocracy, and this included the Center nobles, who held power in the Imperial Court had sworn allegiance to one of them. There were virtually no exceptions to this rule.
Akeru, as a scion of the Western House, one of these powerful families, therefore held one of the highest ranks among any young boy in the entire country.
“Oooh! So you are the oh-so-famous favorite of His Highness Wakamiya,” someone else interrupted in a mocking tone.
Shigemaru turned his head in the voice’s direction. There was a senior reclining arrogantly, surrounded by his followers. Despite being a Sapling, he had remained seated the entire time, even as others worked tirelessly to organize the party.
He was not Akeru, that much was certain, but he still had a beautiful face. His features were noble, unified by a nicely-sculpted hooked nose. His shoulders were wide and he was noticeably taller than his fellow Saplings, with unusually long arms and legs. Despite his above average looks, in his eyes was blatant contempt towards others, which made him the kind of man that most don’t want to get involved with.
“And you are?” a perplexed Akeru asked.
The senior’s eyes glistened in defiance. “Kimichika of Minami-Tachibana.”
In response, Akeru let out a small ‘oh’, as if that had just explained it all. His eyes turned to pierce back at Kimichika. “Your reputation precedes you.”
“I don’t know what you’ve heard about me, but here I’m your senior. So you better be careful when opening your mouth.” Kimichika stood up, all puffed up, and returned Akeru’s gaze with arrogance. “I cannot care less whether you were Wakamiya’s close aide or whatever, and it doesn’t even matter here. You’ll have a bad time if you keep up with the big attitude.”
“Is that a threat?”
“Oh, if that’s how you want to take it, for sure. I mean, Wakamiya? Imagine being scared of that simpleton.”
“You can say whatever you want about me, but I won’t tolerate any insult to His Highness,” Akeru frowned and, all of a sudden, turned towards Yukiya. “What are you just standing there for? Shouldn’t you be saying something too, Lord Yukiya?”
Yukiya, who had so far been watching them with concern on his face, was rather confused. He obviously didn’t expect to be brought into the conversation. “Erhm, excuse me? I don’t really get what this entire conversation is all about, you see, so it’s not like I have much to say…”
His floundering, however, did little else than deepen Akeru’s frown.
“....... You realize he’s insulting His Highness Wakamiya, right?”
Yukiya remained silent, yet something about him changed the very moment he heard that question. Deep annoyance burned deep within his eyes. He had an answer, Shigemaru realized, but that didn’t mean he wanted to give it.
And so, Shigemaru couldn’t bring himself to stay out of the conversation any longer.
“Well, no matter how much you ask, people like us won’t have much to say about that.”
In a second, the entire room turned to stare daggers at Shigemaru. Why are you opening your damn beak, you ignorant fool?
“Nice to meet you, my name is Shigemaru. I share rooms with Yukiya and, like him as well, I’m from the Northern Region,” Shigemaru stood up and soon placed his hand on a shocked Yukiya’s shoulder. “My turn wouldn’t come no matter how long I waited, so I’ll take it nevertheless. Much like my friend here, I came to the Monastery with the goal of protecting Yamauchi and, as someone with similar circumstances, I must say that answering Lord Akeru’s question is impossible.”
Shigemaru’s tone was joking, and Akeru was left at a loss. “Why?”
“I mean, it’s not like us country bumpkins have even had the chance to meet those in the Imperial Family. You can’t judge a Yatagarasu you haven’t even met, at least not from what others say about them.”
Akeru was speechless, and he wasn’t the only one. Kimichika too seemed to have been caught off-guard by Shigemaru’s carefreeness as he muttered., “And who do you think you’re going to swear fealty to when you graduate?”
“I don’t even have a way to know that, do I? That’s a problem I’ll face three years from now,” Shigemaru laughed nonchalantly. “And, before that, I have to work hard to become strong and skilled enough to even be chosen for the Guard. I’ve heard our destinations are chosen according to our results, so I don’t know who I’ll be serving among the Imperial Family. Not like I care about who or where I serve as long as I can work for Yamauchi.”
Shigemaru’s argument was truly the simplest thing ever, yet it silenced the entire hall for quite a long while. Finally, someone broke into long-held laughter, an Evergreen who had been limited to listening until then. Just like that, the tense mood dissolved into nothing.
“Now, now, he actually got a point there. I’m with Shigemaru!”
“Looks like this year we got a new fun guy!”
“Kimichika, go back to your seat. We got sake for once, let’s not ruin it,” another Evergreen soon intervened.
Kimichika, who had been looking at Shigemaru with venom in his eyes, reticently closed his mouth. Akeru too decided to back off. He was obviously displeased with how everything played out, and his followers were busy trying to appease him.
Once the self-introduction picked up again and everything was back to normal, Shigemaru sat back in his original spot.
“Thank you, Shige(5),” Yukiya whispered to him.
“Don’t worry about it,” Shigemaru waved his hand as if it was nothing.
Finally getting to relax, he extended his hand to get himself a snack. However, right at that moment, Ichiryuu returned to their spot with a scowl.
“You two, come with me now.”
Immediately, Ichiryuu dragged them both out of the dining hall.
Their destination was, apparently, the Monastery’s bathhouse.
“Now this is the best!”
“It’s truly nice, isn’t it?”
It was, in fact, the biggest one Shigemaru had ever seen. Yukiya and he had finally gotten inside the bathtub, both relishing the chance to relax, when Ichiryuu brusquely opened the door from the washing area.
“Just how happy-go-lucky are you two!?” he yelled at them as he came in. “Why do you think I went through the trouble of dragging you two out of the party!? Because the Evergreens told me to!”
Ichiryuu kept on ranting, not even giving them a chance to answer. “They warned me: ‘make sure to teach them fast, before they end up starting something worse!’ That scared me shitless!”
“Did we even have an option? I didn’t start it, you know, that young lord of the Western House came after me,” Yukiya protested, clearly fed up with the entire situation.
Ichiryuu quickly recoiled at that, switching targets. “What about you, Shigemaru!?”
“Shige was just trying to help me. He knows nothing about Imperial Court politics, what other option did he have? Besides, I wonder: is it truly right for you to go and blame him for helping when you didn’t even try? Huh, Sapling Ichiryuu?” Yukiya attacked back, all prickliness.
Ichiryuu’s only answer was a pained groan. This was clearly escalating.
“..... Did I mess up anything?” Shigemaru asked meekly.
“Oh, don’t worry about it.” Despite the dark environment, he could still feel Yukiya softly laugh. “It’s all just worthless Imperial Court power struggles.”
Huh, thinking about it, why does Yukiya know so much about that sort of thing? Shigemaru wondered. Yukiya seemed to notice it.
“Well, you see, to be honest,” he explained to him as he scratched his head bashfully, “I didn't really explain myself properly before, but I’m, like Ichiryuu, the son of a Township Lord. Taruhi’s second son, to be more precise. On top of that, I was on Court service until not that long ago.”
“Oh, so that explains it!”
Yukiya’s demeanor was strangely sophisticated for someone from the countryside, so it all made sense to him. The feather robe may have initially misled Shigemaru, but Yukiya was still a nobleman. A rural one, but a noble nevertheless.
“Now, talking about that, you are probably way better suited than me to explain this entire mess to him. Will you?” Ichiryuu suggested.
“Fine then,” Yukiya repositioned to face Shigemaru, “Shige, do you know anything about the inheritance conflict from 10 years ago? The one to decide who would take the position of the Crown Prince: His Highness Wakamiya or his older brother—Lord Natsuka.”
Yukiya fully shifted into explanation mode. In answer, Shigemaru just shook his head.
“Just rumors, not any details.”
Until very recently, people in the Center fought over who should inherit the throne and become the next Golden Raven: the elder or the younger brother. That much he had heard about, as it was a Yamauchi-wide problem. That aside, he only knew that, at some point, they had settled on Wakamiya as the future Golden Raven.
“But, well, the rumors at least said that the imperial brothers really didn't get along…….”
“Oh, that's not true, actually. This may sound strange, I know, but their relationship is actually excellent. I would dare even say it’s the opposite: Lord Natsuka is a surprisingly dedicated and loving brother as far as I’ve seen.”
Just as surprising was Yukiya’s way of speaking, it was as if he knew them both personally. He went on to tell Shigemaru the actual reason the Court settled on Wakamiya as the Crown Prince, despite the Imperial Family upholding primogeniture: it was all Animiya's doing.
“For starters, the reason His Highness Wakamiya became the Crown Prince in the first place was because the imperial priests declared him a ‘True Golden Raven’.”
The Golden Ravens were the leaders of all Yatagarasu, and were further divided into ‘Acting’ and ‘True’ Golden Ravens. Within those two categories, ‘True Golden Ravens’ were said to be born rulers, possessing everything and anything they would ever need to govern Yamauchi. When one was born, he got to inherit the throne regardless of birth order or his mother’s station.
Only in the absence of one was the eldest brother to take over the position as a replacement. Those who ruled in their stead were therefore referred to as ‘Acting Golden Ravens’.
“We call both Golden Ravens, but you could say that the rightful ruler, the True Golden Raven, and his Acting replacements are entirely different figures. It was the priests who determined that His Highness Wakamiya was, in fact, a ‘True’ one.”
“Wait a moment,” Shigemaru said, hand on his forehead. “In short, that means the older brother gave up his position as Crown Prince to his younger brother because of his status as the ‘True’ Golden Raven, is that correct………?”
“Yes, exactly.”
According to Natsuka himself, to have a replacement was pointless when the real one existed. He was a just man and had never been the ambitious sort to begin with, so Natsuka had been perfectly content giving up the position to his brother once he knew he matched the legends.
However, not everyone was happy with his decision.
“Oomurasaki no Omae, the Empress, couldn't bring herself to accept that—she's Lord Natsuka's mother, you see. She's the legal wife and hails from the Southern House. Meanwhile, His Highness Wakamiya's mother was a concubine from the Western House.”
A long, long time had passed since the last time a ‘True Golden Raven’ had even been born, a fact that played a key part in the Southern House's adamant refusal to accept the situation. On the other hand, the Western House welcomed this development with open arms. Hence, the Imperial Court was divided into the Wakamiya Faction and the Animiya(6) Faction, even though it went against Natsuka’s own wishes.
“The South supports Animiya and the West, Wakamiya. This is why they are opposed to each other and, for some reason, it seems like their conflict is affecting even a place like the Unbending Reed Monastery. Did I get that right?”
Yukiya gave a pointed look to Ichiryuu, as if fishing for information.
“That’s right, yes,” a clearly exhausted Ichiryuu replied, “I think you have realized this much already, but Kimichika is a South-affiliated Court Raven.”
“And Akeru is a scion of the Western House, remember? So, Kimichika belongs to the Animiya Faction and Akeru to Wakamiya’s.”
“Argh, what an annoying mess!” Shigemaru exclaimed.
Maybe because of the sudden explanation, but he couldn't make any sense out of it. “So, let’s put it like this. There is a wife and her son, who is his father’s heir. Said father owns a lot of fields, but he cheated on his wife and secretly had a lover and yet another son somewhere else. This second son is truly gifted, however, so the legitimate heir wants to give up the fields to his brother. The wife absolutely refuses, and so her family and the lover’s family have somehow also gotten involved and it's all a complete mess. Did I get it right?”
For a second, Yukiya and Ichiryuu stood there in complete silence.
“That’s quite the way to put it…”
“It is, yes… but he is not wrong, really. So, using Shige's metaphor, Kimichika belongs to the wife's family, and Akeru to the lover's.”
“Good. I finally got it,” Shigemaru said.
“Now, whatever you do, avoid both of them as much as you can,” Ichiryuu insisted. “They’ll only give you trouble. To not approach what you can avoid is wisdom.”
“I have to agree. As long as they don't come after us, it's probably better to give them a wide berth,” Yukiya added.
“Well, now that this matter is resolved, I'm getting out of here. I can't believe you two are here like it’s nothing.” As Ichiryuu said that, he stood up with a stagger. It was only upon watching him go that Shigemaru realized that he himself was also entirely covered in sweat.
Refreshed after their bath, they all returned together to their shared room. In preparation for the following day, they started to set up the room as soon as they arrived. A worn-out screen, covered in repair marks, was soon placed in the center of the room, dividing it in two halves. The one further back was for Ichiryuu, while Shigemaru and Yukiya shared the half facing the entrance. Their futons, thin from much use, were all piled together in a corner. The three of them chatted as they arranged them.
After a while, the conversation turned back to their reasons to come to the Monastery.
“I also wanted to ask you about it, actually. Especially you, Yukiya,” Ichiryuu peeked through the screen. “I completely missed the chance to ask you earlier. You said that you didn’t want to ever come to the Monastery, didn’t you?”
Ichiryuu gave him a sour look as he said that. Shigemaru, surprised by the revelation, also turned to look at Yukiya, who shrugged bashfully.
“That’s true, yes. I once thought I would actually die if I ever joined the Monastery, and that I wouldn’t be able to keep up with the training. I hated the idea so much, in fact, that I chose to go to the Court over the Monastery when that choice was forced upon me.”
“Then, why did you even come here?”
“I couldn't remain a spoiled child, not after last summer.”
‘Last summer’. Shigemaru and Ichiryuu both instantly straightened their faces.
“...... When the ‘Monkeys’ attacked,” Ichiryuu muttered.
Yukiya nodded, silent.
Unimaginable fear assailed all the Yatagarasu in Yamauchi that summer. The incident took place in small border settlements: Monkeys attacked and murdered all inhabitants. There were no survivors in any of them. At first, nobody knew why they did it or where they had come from. However, it soon became clear that their Yatagarasu victims were nothing more than food to their assailants. Those giant Monkeys had assaulted their villages to eat them.
Legends said that Yamauchi was protected by a barrier created by Yamagami, the God of the Mountain. They had never before suffered any kind of outside attack because of it. These unprecedented events shook everyone in Yamauchi to their very core.
The Imperial Court frantically searched for the Monkeys’ invasion route. A while later, they found out about ‘passages’ in the barrier that had, most likely, allowed the Monkeys to enter Yamauchi. Once they successfully blocked them all, the Imperial Court released an official announcement declaring the problem solved: the Monkeys wouldn’t ever be capable of returning to Yamauchi.
“However, those are simply the central nobles’ vain, silly hopes,” Yukiya argued, not mincing any words in the process, “‘For now, we have closed every hole we have found, so it would be nice if the monkeys don't ever return’. That's all it amounts to. Apparently, their aim was to keep the population calm and avoid an even bigger upheaval, but that way you only get them to lower their guards and ruin their chances at self-defense. To declare everything solved haphazardly like that just hurts us in the end.”
Yukiya’s irritation was palpable as he spoke. He seemed to be extremely bright, which made for quite the contrast with the easygoing, head-empty attitude he had kept up until that moment.
“Oh, I see now, so that's what you meant by ‘protecting Yamauchi’! You too came here to fight off the Monkeys, then.”
“Well, yes, that's the gist of it,” Yukiya answered Shigemaru before further adding., “We can't leave it all up to the Imperial Court, after all.”
As if he had just realized something, Yukiya then glanced at him. “Wait, ‘you too’...?”
“Yes. I came here for the same reason as you, really. I didn't really get to mention it earlier, but I was actually born and raised in Sazaki, Shimaki.”
“... Sazaki!” As expected of fellow Northerners, Yukiya and Ichiryuu’s reactions were striking.
“No way, by Sazaki, you mean that Sazaki, right? ——The one that the Monkeys attacked,” Ichiryuu whispered in horror.
Shigemaru nodded. Two villages were raided by the Monkeys: Sugou in Taruhi, and Sazaki in Shimaki. Compared to Sugou, where the entire settlement was annihilated, Sazaki had it slightly better: only one house, away from everyone else's, was affected.
Everyone focused on Sugou when the topic of the Monkeys’ victims came up, but what happened in Sazaki had been just as terrifying for the locals: they knew that, if things had played out ever so slightly differently, they could have been the Monkeys’ food instead.
“We called the place the Monkeys attacked the ‘lower quarters’.”
It was an old house and, from what he knew, originally the main building of an entirely different village. Once the old commercial route went out of use, however, their population quickly dwindled and, as time passed, only the so-called ‘lower quarters’ remained. They had recently become more or less self-sufficient, from what it seemed, so they didn't have that much contact with Sazaki’s other inhabitants.
“That summer, the Township Lord sent us a notice, asking us to confirm that everyone was safe in the area. I can hold my own in a battle, at least by countryside standards, so I was sent to check the situation there.”
What Shigemaru found in the lower quarters was a veritable bloodbath.
Everyone there had vanished. Endless amount of flies fluttered around as the stench of the horses’ rotting corpses, still trapped in the stables, filled the air.
The edges of the house’s hearth were dyed black. By what, he couldn't really tell at first glance. At least, until he found all those pearly white bones scattered all over the place. With them came the realization: those dark stains were what remained of a sea of blood.
He may not have been particularly close to them, but they weren’t strangers either.
However, at the moment, what had worried Shigemaru the most was the safety of that young boy he had just met the other day. He ran through the entire house, calling for him. Eita, where are you!? Then, in one corner of the house, he found it.
The wide wooden floor was covered in dark stains, as if ink had spilled all over the place. There, in the middle of all that blood, was one tiny, all-too-familiar spinning top.
——He wouldn’t ever forget what he felt that day.
Neither Yukiya nor Ichiryuu said anything. They must have noticed Shigemaru's odd silence, and didn’t press him for details. Finally, he sighed and gave them a bitter smile.
“So, well, that’s why I'm here.”
Shigemaru had been invited by Monastery associates over and over again, being asked if he wouldn't at least consider taking the entrance exams. He ignored them all, as he had never felt the need to do so. He truly believed that he could handle most anything all by himself. After witnessing the Monkeys’ massacre, however, he came to realize how truly naive he had been.
“So, you wanted to further improve your battle skills for self-defense, I take it?” Ichiryuu’s expression was severe, different from anything before. He seemed to realize how personal this was to Shigemaru.
“Not really,” Shigemaru denied. “No matter how much I train myself, it's not like I could do anything worth a damn if a large number of Monkeys were to ever attack. Besides, learning that these ‘Passages’ are in the Center made me realize something. That, if I truly wanted to protect what I love, I couldn't just stay there, swinging around some club in front of my house. To be honest, it's not like I even know right now what I can achieve as a Yamauchi Guard either.”
But, at the very least, it beat staying home practicing with sticks. He didn't want to ever be in the position of picking up a bloodied toy with his very own hands. Not again.
“I truly couldn't stand the idea of regretting it all later. If something like that were to ever happen again, to find myself thinking——‘I should have joined the Guard’; ‘if only I hadn't been self-complacent, maybe, maybe I could have done something’.”
The realization came to him at the very last moment, a few months from losing his chance forever. He found himself quite fortunate for that.
“Yes, I get exactly what you mean,” Yukiya muttered softly, and yet, for some reason, his expression was one of pure, undiluted joy. “I'm so glad we became friends, Shige. Let's become Guards together, no matter what.”
However, Shigemaru couldn't really share Yukiya's optimism.
“But,” he looked up at the ceiling, “honestly, I was in the very last place at the entrance exams for theory courses. Can someone like me even graduate?”
The moment Yukiya heard that, he burst out in merry laughter.
“Don’t worry, I'll help you out! Theory won’t be any problem.”
—————————————
Next: Shigemaru (Part 2)
1: The commercial roads are the main paths that connect the Center with the countryside. A lot of big settlements are built around them to provide for merchants. Sometime ago, the “old” ones were replaced with newly built ones that followed another route. The villages reliant on them struggled and became smaller and much more isolated.
2: Shigemaru’s little brothers call him 茂兄, or Shige-nii. Brother Shige, but said in a very affectionate way, essentially.
3: The original term for Ornamented Blade is 珂仗 (Kajou). It’s a wordplay on 儀仗 (Gijou), the word for ‘ceremonial weapon’. 珂 is a kanji for ‘jewel’ that doesn’t see that much modern use.
4: These trays are actually 食膳, four-legged trays that were used instead of tables in ancient East Asia. Dining tables weren’t in use back in the Heian era Yamauchi mostly resembles.
5: The specific way Yukiya calls Shigemaru is 茂さん, or Shige-san.
6: Much like Nazukihiko is referred to as Wakamiya (若宮, or ‘young imperial’), his siblings have similar titles. Natsuka’s is Animiya, 兄宮, or the ‘elder brother imperial’. For consistency sake, I’ll be keeping all -miya titles.
#Translation: The Raven of the Empty Coffin#yatagarasu#yatagarasu series#the raven does not choose its master#karasu wa aruji wo erabanai
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Orphic ~ File 7
Selcouth (adj.) ; Unfamiliar, rare, strange, and yet marvelous
Bucky!Barnes x Fem!Reader
Warnings: tw for mentions of past trauma, Bucky being obsessive hehe
Previous part here
Masterlist pinned on my blog
Bucky stayed away.
Far away.
He hopes that it might help the fever growing inside of him, that he could sleep soundly if he forgot the way you sound while breathing. It worked in his favor, he hadn’t been needed at the compound for a week, so it was just him and his melancholy apartment.
The distance didn’t cut the thought of you out entirely.
That was the hard part.
And while he walked down the street and thought about how you were handling the colder weather coming, you were in some sort of agony.
It had the same buzz as when you were going through the horrid withdrawal, just felt a little different. You grew more comfortable in your home, you grew closer with your new family, and the days moved by without your James.
It’s the end of the week without him and you sit in the spiny chair in the meeting room with the team, listening to the new plan for the mission. You’ve slowly been understanding and remembering things, helpful things that lead to a potential deal happening in the city.
They decide who would best suit this mission, who will go undercover, who will wait in the get away van.
Your knees are curled to your chest, nails picking at the rips in your jeans and you suddenly have the urge to speak.
“I want to go.”
The room comes to a halt.
“Holy shit, she can speak.” Sam says with bewilderment.
“Of course I can speak, I just didn’t like to…I’m fine now.” You explain.
They all have a peculiar look, but they go with it.
“Blue…are you sure it’s smart for you to go?” Tony asks, mind ridden with concern.
You look over at him. “I’m in control of my power, I won’t hurt anyone.”
Steve adds in. “Are you sure you can jump into action if something happens?”
You giggle. “I was a huntress for over a decade, I think I can handle business.”
You sit straight, then continue. “Besides, I want to do more to bring this whole shindig down.”
Maybe it’s the fact they are still so stunned that you’re speaking, or something else, but they seem to comply easily.
“Alright…Blue will go with the Cap and Romanoff undercover.” Tony declares. “We need to get you in the training room…just to make sure you know what you’re doing.”
You gave him a look, knowing well that he just wanted to throw things and watch you deflect them.
And it seems that was the case for the rest of the Avengers.
“Anyone else scared?” Sam asks, standing behind the protective glass with the rest as you pull your hair up and shrug your ugly sweater off.
“Five bucks says Cap throws in the towel.” Nat bets with Clint.
“Oh you are so on.” He whispers back. “Let’s hope she doesn’t get too hurt.”
Wide eyed, they watch you hold your own in hand to hand combat with Steve, but one leg sweep and your one the ground.
The team cringes.
Then mutter to each other as you jump right back up and get a serious look in your eye.
“She’s pissed now.” Sam laughs, cheering you on.
Steve may be an advanced fighter, he’s twice your size, but he gets tossed like a rag doll with the move of your hand. A line of glowing blue strikes him, he falls backwards.
“Very impressive.” Wanda compliments.
Steve continues to come at you, and Tony laughs hysterically as he gets bashed around.
“Beautiful!” Tony claps, making you proudly smile at the praise. “What else can you do?”
“Uh…I don’t want to hurt him…” You say, unsure.
“What? He’s fine. You’re fine, right?” He turns to Steve.
Steve rolls his aching shoulder, panting slightly as he nods. “I can do this all day, hit me.”
You look at him, making sure he’s okay before you twitch your fingers, sending a bolt of electricity straight to him.
“Oh shit!” Sam exclaims, laughing in amusement as Steve stands there, twitching with bared teeth. “I know that doesn’t feel good.”
Steve falls to his knees, you immediately stop and come before him. Hand on his cheek, you ease the pain you just caused him. He breathes with relief.
“How do you do that?” He asks, getting the strength to stand.
“I can make you do anything I want you to.” You confess.
“Make him do something!” Tony urges, way too excited about this.
“Take mercy on me.” Steve whispers, a half goofy smile.
You rub his cheek, returning the smile. Looking him in the eye, your eyes glow an entrancing blue. Immediately, Steve stops any movement, completely still as you whisper to him.
“Steve…are you listening?” You ask softly.
He nods mechanically.
“Go hug Tony.” You instruct.
Like an obedient soldier, he turns and marches straight for Tony.
“No, stay the hell away from me.” Tony steps away.
Steve just follows, causing the man to panic. The team watching laughs as Tony shouts for you to reel him back in.
“Steve. Stop.” You call.
His feet halt.
“Okay…that’s scary.” Banner agrees, watching as you brake the trance.
Steve shakes his head, almost like he’s clearing the brain fog. Then, he looks to Tony. “Yeah, she’s all yours, I give up.”
“Ha!” Nat laughs in Clints face, holding her palm out for the cash.
Clint pouts as he gives her the money.
You’re shooting at the practice targets as Steve joins the rest of them. They look to him in anticipation for his words.
“Yeah.” Steve nods. “She’ll do just fine.”
Then he nurses his hurt ribs.
- - - -
A deep breath in, he steps through the first doors of the living quarters.
It was after dinner, maybe you were already asleep?
That’s a wishful thought that he doesn’t fully like.
If you were asleep, he couldn’t watch you from a distance, he couldn’t get that faint scent of vanilla and cherry that followed you.
But if you were locked in your room, he could keep his dignity.
But he’s never been a lucky man, that’s why when he makes it to the common space, he sees you very much so awake, sitting in front of the tv, watching what looked like The Breakfast Club.
Now if it were just you, he’d linger for a second, watch you, maybe sit beside you. But it’s much worse, you’re leaned into Steve with his arm around your shoulders, and Wanda is on your other side, head leaned onto Vision’s shoulder.
Bucky’s jaw sets, he glares at the scene that looks too much like a double date.
Nat comes in with a bowl of popcorn, settles on the carpet right under you. And Bruce comes to swap a few jokes with her, then joins her.
And Tony of all people, is sat in the sectional, actually enjoying the movie. Pepper, who the team hardly sees because she’s super woman and runs a business while mothering a daughter she just put to bed, comes in and the team rejoices, all smiles as she sits with her husband.
What the hell was this? A love affair?
Sam approaches behind the soldier who is glaring daggers.
“Aw, a little love fest, how cute.” He snickers, trying to rile Bucky up. “Even Clint went home to his wife, everyone has someone, huh? Oh, except you.”
“You’re one to talk.” Bucky argues.
“Well I’m a little less pathetic about it.”
He turns to look at the grinning man. “Trust me, you’re plenty pathetic.”
Then he turns back to you, how you laugh at a scene and lay more comfortably on Steve.
Like a devil on his shoulder, Sam is there, whispering.
“Aren’t they just cozy? You think Steve’s gonna make a move?”
Bucky’s metal fist clenches.
“I bet you, the next time he laughs, he’s gonna pull her a little closer…surprised she isn’t nuzzling into his neck now.”
“Sam.” Bucky warns. “If you don’t shut your mouth, I’m going to dismember your limbs.”
“Nah uh, you’re not supposed to hurt people, Doctor’s orders.” Sam states, laughing for a moment before he gets serious.
“If you want to be in Steve’s spot, then you need to man up and make a move.” He says.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Bucky shakes his head.
“Oh really? So it’s not killing you that she’s close with him? You don’t want to rip your best friend off the couch right now?”
He hates that Sam’s right.
Bucky sighs, then relaxes his body. “Wouldn’t make a difference if I make a move, she doesn’t need me, she’s got enough problems to deal with. I got enough problems to deal with. Besides, she has Steve.”
Sam chuckles again. “Very poetic, man, but that was a dumb reason. And have you read her file? The girl has attachment issues, she’s close with everyone she feels safe with, doesn’t mean she has a thing for them.”
“No.” Bucky corrects. “I haven’t read her file, but apparently everyone else has.”
You lean down to ask Nat a question about the movie, and your hand rests on Steve’s knee as you do so.
Bucky’s had enough.
He leaves, walks off in the direction of his room quickly, making him a shadow.
But you feel his energy move past and you turn your head quickly, trying to find him. You only see his retreating form.
Your mood immediately deflates.
Wanda looks over at you as you slump back into the couch, questioning you silently. You just put on a smile and nod, showing her you were fine.
You weren’t fine, you had an ache that festered and festered inside of you.
Bucky wasn’t much better, sitting alone in his room for hours while he listened to the movie end and everyone settle in, going off to bed.
What catches his attention is the folder that slides under his door, a note from Sam on it that reads ‘Try to understand her the way we do’.
He crumbles it up and tosses it.
Sitting at his desk, Bucky holds the file in his hand and it’s heavy, weighted.
Slowly, he opens it.
And the air gets kicked from his lungs.
Evidence photos, countless marks and bruises, scars. There’s countless pages from your therapist, write ups from agents who you spoke with, words from Nick Fury himself who is fond of you.
Attachment issues, abandonment issues
…self destructive tendencies…
…unstable signs… night terrors…relapse of memory
Follows orders well…very intelligent…
Can be triggered by mentions of her past traumas.
Subject to panic attacks.
He feels sick, reading all of it.
And much like your actions to his file, he rereads yours multiple times until he doesn’t feel like he’s going to pass out.
It keeps him up, he lays on the floor next to his bed and thinks over everything.
When he thinks he’s exhausted enough, he shuts his eyes, only for a migraine to hit.
Yet another lasting effect from his past.
He lays there miserable for a moment too long before pulling sweatpants on and going to the kitchen, searching for something simple as Ibuprofen…that he’ll take five of them just so it will make a dent in his system.
He chugs a glass of water, then goes to sit on the couch in front of the large window in the common room. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he almost doesn’t notice the figure going into the kitchen.
Your steps are extremely light, but a blue orb follows you, illuminating your path, so he knows it’s you.
In the darkness, he sits completely still. The cloud cover moves away and the moonlight seeps in to paint him a shade of light blue.
You startle as you see him, water sloshing in your glass.
He doesn’t say a word, just watches you pause and read him.
A shirt swallows your frame, he can barely see the plaid boxers you wear.
“Hello, James.” You greet.
“It’s really ominous when you say that.” He states back, rubbing his temple now.
“Are you sick?” You ask, fiddling with the orb above you, letting it fade out.
“Just a migraine, I’ll live.” He says in a tone that gives way to his discomfort.
You come forward, setting your glass on the coffee table and stand before him.
He looks up in question. “Not any less ominous, doll.” He sighs, looking away and missing the way his nickname affects you.
“I can help.” You say. “…Won’t you let me?”
His head pounds further at the deja vu, because even though you’ve never asked him that, he’s heard those words before in his dreams.
His lips part, but no words come out.
Cautiously, you sit beside him, your touch gentle as you turn his face to you.
He watches you with those round blue eyes, feeling his heart beat wonky.
You hold your fingers an inch from the center of his forehead, and he’s further illuminated by the glow of blue. You hum, feeling the pain he feels.
“What…what are you doing?” He asks in a tone that comes out softer than intended.
“I’m just…feeling you, and trying to make it better.”
“You aren’t permanently damaged, you have feelings, James.” Dr Raynor had told him. “It’s a possibility that you are enamored by this woman.”
He isn’t sure if that’s the word. But he feels something rising in him, it’s heavy on his lungs, it makes him feel warm. Perhaps because no one has done a caring act for him in a long time, or maybe it’s because he can feel his soul reaching out and tangling itself in yours. It’s obsessive and caring and entirely strange, but it’s not wrong.
“And what do you feel?” He asks, his throat bobbing.
Your eyebrows drawn, you look into his eyes. “Just you.”
“Is it terrible?” He asks, not any hint of sarcasm.
You shake your head, pulling the pain from him, soothing his head. “You could never be terrible, I don’t think.”
Fuck. You are entirely strange and rare and marvelous.
He breathes clearer as the pain is gone. He reaches out, softly grasping your wrist and it earns a small gasp from you.
Then his palm is meeting yours like he needs to see if you’re one in the same. His touch is warm, you watch the way his hand is considerably more larger than yours.
You slow his heart out of fear that it might burst.
“Tell me why you’re always in my head.” He asks in a husky and breathless tone.
“You first.” You whisper.
He takes your hand, pressing his lips to your palm and you stop breathing entirely.
The feeling in you is new, one you’ve never felt. But he’s sitting too close, looking too good, being so gentle, you have an urge to…cry?
You watch him carefully, dissecting every move.
In truth, Bucky isn’t sure what he’s doing but he knows he wants to. He pressed the tips of your fingers to his lips, trying to understand what’s happening behind your eyes. As he pulls your hand away, it’s like your body moves on its own. You lean forward, rushing your lips to his before you can process what’s happening. You’ve kissed men in your career, all out of business, never for pleasure. This is different, this is an invisible force that wants you to latch onto him and not let go.
Bucky’s eyes widen as you kiss him almost harshly, it short circuits his brain. He can’t even process what to do before you’re ripping yourself away, completely spooked.
Not knowing exactly what to say, you just mutter an apology and rush away, back to your room.
Bucky’s left in the darkness, skin tingling.
Next part
#bucky barnes#bucky barns x reader#bucky barns imagine#bucky barnes x you#james bucky barnes#james buchanan barnes#marvel fanfiction#the falcon and the winter soldier#bucky barnes fanfiction#the winter solider x reader#marvel#bucky#the avengers#sebastian stan#bucky barnes series
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I love how you write harvey sm!!! You had me swooning with every words !! So sweet, short, and straight to the point but very flavorful and entertaining! i'm so happy i came across your blog !
I have a prompt that u can feel free to use!
What do you think Harvey is like when he & the farmer just got married? For example, is he very timid that he couldn't sleep when next to the farmer? Is he very hesitant to hold them? Or other things u think/headcanon? Would love to read your thoughts! Thank you so much for your time !!<3
!! harvey as your new husband
contains ; domestic fluff. another post of me rambling lol. entirely sfw! gn!farmer / gender is never implied. short drabble.
note ; i’m in a harvey brainrot rn that every time i try to sit down to write for the other bachelors, i just end up staring at my screen doing nothing 😓
when you were only dating, it wasn’t rare for harvey to come over while you were working after he found some time of his own.
even once, after you invited him over and sighed about how dirty you felt the cottage was since you hardly had time to clean—he became accustomed to do so just for you.
bringing over his own cleaning supplies just to sweep the dust, help with laundry, clean your kitchen and make dinner for you.
and he didn’t even mind doing all of it, just to help you lift the weight of your chores.
so after that one time, and you came home to see a squeaky clean home, and your excellent boyfriend after a particularly exhausting day—you could’ve cried.
not to mention, he goes the great mile. those large yellow gloves over his hands, non-slip shoes and a hardware apron over his clothes so he wouldn’t get himself dirty.
some may say it’s a bit dramatic, but he says prepared.
anyways, it became a routine he was fond of doing.
harvey came over a lot. to the point where his own house didn’t really feel like home anymore.
he hated those nights when he couldn’t come over, forced to sleep in his own bed without you by his side. it would take him longer to fall asleep if he couldn’t feel you next to him. he probably had to hug a pillow just to feel something lol.
so when you got married, it’s safe to say he was ecstatic to be moving out of his lonely apartment. especially when you made time to come help him, packing stuff in boxes.
it really made him realize how life changing it is. to see you labeling each box, sorting through his cds and tapes while talking about your future together.
“i think these would look nice in our living room, i could move my bookshelf over and we could squeeze this in…” you ramble on, face full of concentration.
it made his heart gush, even just hearing you call it our living room.
when you’d “ooo” and “aaa” at items of his you looked forward to decorating the house with, and “uhh” at the ones you didn’t. he couldn’t possibly be upset, if anything, he’d laugh at your honesty. there’s nothing that’d make him upset right now.
so when you were finally married, you had to work but he spent the majority of the day squeezing his stuff into the house like you both planned, it still felt right.
you didn’t have to be beside him, helping him unbox for him to be happy. he found everything seemed to fit in place.
settling in didn’t feel as much of a task as you both thought it’d be. there was always a cloud of sadness when he’d have to leave, so finally that experience was tarnished after the knot was tied.
there’s no leaving anymore, because he always comes right back.
at this point, his nerves being around you were fizzled, but of course he still got butterflies when he’d see you.
any moment he was intimate with you still made him feel much younger with the way his heart would pound and his palms would grow sweaty. even if you were just leaning in to kiss him.
so the first night you two were living together as a married couple—i don’t think he’d be so nervous.
or at least, not nervous in a bad way.
“which side of the bed should i sleep on?”
“harvey, we’ve slept together before. this isn’t new.” you tease.
“well we’ve never slept together as a married couple who lives in the same house. this is the start to the rest of our lives, i want to make sure we’re making the right decision,” and after he realizes what he implied, he’s widening his eyes and shaking his head, “no! not like that! as in, what if i sleep on the right side, but i sleep on my right side so my back is always turned to you—“
“harvey, honey…i’m not going to be mad at you if i wake up and you’re not facing me.” you giggle.
he really knows how to overthink everything.
but once you’re finally tucked in bed together (you on the right, him on the left) i don’t think he’ll overthink at this point.
by now, you’re both so in love that he doesn’t second guess reaching over to hold you anymore. he doesn’t need to rethink all of that.
when you latch onto him, pressing your face into his chest and wrapping your arms around him—he’s bound to get butterflies. you may even hear his heart beat a little quicker. but he’s not shy to give you the same treatment.
if he could, he’d hold you all day. he never wants to let go.
#˚ ༘♡ ⋆。˚ mail 💌#✎ drabbles !#no thoughts just harvey#i’ve started like 3 asks & all i could write for them is harvey#stardew valley harvey#stardew harvey#harvey x farmer#sdv harvey x farmer#sdv harvey#sdv harvey x reader#sdv bachelor hcs
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No clue if someone's asked this already but i saw it on Florence's blog earlier and she made me laugh so much with it. So here goes:
Say MC and the ROs went away for a bit. Somewhere no one knows then and they can just be normal for a few days.
So they are at a tavern, and the RO left to go get them drinks and come back to a drunk dude with his hands all over MC trying to drag them off.
How fast does H kill someone... i mean no!
What do they do? 🤣😭👀
- A ‘s eyes widen as they come back, noticing the man that is bothering you.
“Sir, would you please—“
The man fully ignores them, too wasted to care about A’s presence behind him. A’s brow twitches with annoyance, before placing down the drinks and stepping in. Their hand settles on the man’s shoulder, causing him to turn around. A stares the drunk man straight in the eyes, and the rouge color of their irises and their height is enough to make him quiet down.
“I really think you should leave them alone.”
Something in A’s gaze has them clenching their jaw shut and leaving, eyes to the ground as they stumble away muttering nonesense.
- R rolls their eyes at the sight, but plasters on a smile as they come up behind you, placing their arms around your shoulders.
“I’m sorry, Sir, but they’re already in great company.”
The man doesn’t seem convinced, though. R’s smile drops some.
“I mean it. I’m great friends with the patron here. You do not want to start something with me.”
When the stranger gets finally convinced to leave, R winks at you as they hand you your drink.
“Having someone as alluring as you around is making things more difficult— not that I mind.”
- S is already hating the informal, chaotic and hot atmosphere. Seeing you get bothered by a stranger only makes it so much worse. They really don’t have the patience for this. When they approach, they turn the couple of glasses upside down, pouring the alcohol on the man’s head.
Luckily, he’s too drunk and stunned to respond with violence, skulking away as the rest of the people there laugh at his expense.
“You’re welcome. And please, never bring me to a place like this again.
- H comes behind the stranger, their hand on his shoulder, and he turns around. The man’s protests die very quickly on his tongue, however, when he notices a metallic glint in one of H’s hands.
Suddenly, he looks as sober as a man can be.
“Be good and walk away, if you don’t want to find your guts on the floor.”
Safe to say, you’re left alone for the rest of the night.
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❤️💛💕
For marauders era <3
apologies in advance anon i wrote way more than i meant to!!
❤️- which character is the most egregiously mischaracterized by the fandom?
This one is a hard pick between remus and sirius so i’ll just do both.
remus - oh dear lord. I could go on about this forever but I already have so many posts about it so I’ll try to keep this short. now i’m not the most canon-compliant person but the way remus is treated by this fandom drives me up a wall in a way no other character does. he is disabled, shy, quiet, and a follower. fanon has turned him into a borderline abusive asshole/alpha daddy bad-boy and it’s the most insane thing ever. where are we getting this from? oh! I know the answer actually. so many wolfstar fans see a werewolf and long haired guy and decide that remus is the “masc one” in the relationship and sirius is femme. I genuinely think there are some underlying internalized homophobia issues in the way they’re portrayed but i’ll focus more on that when I talk about sirius. for now, i think it’s important to address the inherent ableism in remus’s current popular fandom portrayal. he canonically experiences extreme pain from his lycanthropy- in what world would he feel comfortable using acts of strength in a dominant way? (ie- choking sirius in a sexual way, picking him up, etc.) this also largely ignores the fact that he likely wouldn’t even be able to do a lot of this. he’s weakened from his transformations. as a disabled person myself I will never understand how people can so blatantly ignore the negative aspects of what he goes through so they can have their alpha dom romance. moving away from that for a moment, it’s also just ridiculous to me that he would ever let himself show true anger to anyone he loves. he hates his lycanthropy and anything that would make him seem more “monstrous” is completely off the table. Also just because this pisses me off- let the man bottom! It’s genuinely so rare to see bottom!remus content and i’ll talk about why I think that is in sirius’s part as well. I have a lot more to say but I also don’t know if I phrased any of this well in the first place so i’ll end this part here.
sirius - oh boy. I’ll try to make this shorter than remus’s section but no guarantees. sirius as a submissive femme twink is genuinely one of the worst things to happen to this fandom. first of all, we are completely ignoring his canon body type while simultaneously infantalizing him. that is a grown man with a BEARD. it’s one thing to have your headcanons, but why is it that I never see femme sirius topping? I’m so convinced it’s a product of some sort of internalized homophobia. ignoring sirius’s canon masculinity for a moment, even if he was hyper femme he could still top. It’s so obvious that people have a very fixed view of what a gay relationship looks like- one masc and one femme. which- by the way- is a homophobic stereotype. sirius can be femme! if that’s your head canon for him, it’s not my thing, but okay. But then why make remus hyper masc? when that’s straight up against his canon personality? Again, this is something i’ve talked about in other posts on my blog and likely will be talking about in the future. Anyways- my main point is there’s no need to completely change his personality just to fit a stereotype. I also way prefer top!sirius / bottom!remus to the reverse, which is what’s more popular right now. (again, fitting right into the femme/masc ship stereotype.) Although I do believe in my heart of hearts that they’re switches that’s the only dynamic i’ll read because their personalities tend to be more accurate in those fics. Sirius can bottom! but holy shit let him be muscular and a little chubby and put some fucking hair on his face. I truly believe everyone is a mix of masc and femme traits, and i’d never fully deny sirius of any form of femininity. but you can dress feminine and still have masc traits or vice versa. Anyways the main takeaway from all of this is that i hate the way wolfstar has become a stereotype of gay relationships.
💛- what is a popular ship you just can’t get behind and why?
okay this is definitely an unpopular opinion but i’ve made myself very clear on my hatred of this ship so hopefully my moots won’t mind!! I can’t stand jegulus. like with a passion. I see jegulus on my insta feed and audibly sigh. To me jegulus is a crackship that should have never gotten popular. first and foremost, i see james as heterosexual and regulus as aroace so immediately that wouldn’t work even if I liked their dynamic. HOWEVER! i truly don’t believe james would ever betray sirius like that. james was more of a brother to sirius than regulus ever was and the idea that james would go fuck him is crazy to me. they probably barely interacted in school, if at all. also jily for life!! idk how people can’t like jily if you want enemies to lovers they’re literally right there.
also not super popular but remadora. that’s a gay man and a lesbian. what are we doing here jkr.
💕- what’s an unpopular ship you like?
remus x kingsley (i can’t remember their ship name) It used to be more popular and i remember reading a few fics in like 2019 but I can’t find it on tumblr really. I like the idea of them meeting and getting together after sirius is imprisoned- i think they have a good dynamic together. Wolfstar is still endgame to me but i think they could have had a cute relationship. Honestly i’ve thought of drawing them together so if that’s something anyone is interested in let me know because i’ll do it. also if anyone has fic recs!
i hope this wasn’t too much i got a bit carried away lol- i have a lot of thoughts on wolfstar’s dynamic so this was kind of cathartic to write out. i’m not looking to debate anyone, these are just my personal opinions so keep any comments kind and thoughtful please. :)
#marauders ask#ask game#remus lupin#wolfstar#sirius black#marauders#the marauders era#james potter#anti jegulus#the marauders#kingsley shacklebolt#remus lupin x kingsley shacklebolt#r/s
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Hi Jen! Congrats on the 1K ❤️ You deserve them all and so much more!
I’m sorry that I’m a little bit late with sending in a request but would it be possible to do “The grumpy one is soft for the sunshine one” with Mr. Bucky 🥺 All the love and hugs to you!
AN: Hanna, my love! I hope you enjoy this!
ANd this brings my celebration fics to a close. You still have plenty of time to write your own Challenge Fic for inclusion on my celebration masterlist.
Beta’d by @lfnr-blog-blog-blog. Dividers by @firefly-graphics, moodboard and banner by me
Main Master list | Challenge Master list
Summary: You’re perpetually chipper and happy. The steely-eyed brunet you run into outside your work is not.
Relationship: Bucky x Reader
Word Count: 2.2k
CW: Grumpy Bucky, Meet Cute, Fluff and flirting.
You’re always happy. Nothing ever seems to get you down. So much so, that even your friends call you ‘Sunny’. Que sera, sera was your motto. No use crying over spilt milk, etc. Life is what you make of it, so you choose to make it joyful. Your best friend thought that your receptionist job would eventually wear you down and turn you into a cynic, like her, but no. It was like being upbeat was your superpower.
It was therefore a normal morning as you walked down the sidewalk, humming along to the music pumping through your earbuds, on your way to work. The subway hadn’t been packed, the sun was shining out from behind the clouds and you knew it would be a wonderful day, especially once you’d picked up your hazelnut latte from old Frankie, the street coffee vendor half a block from your office. He always had your drink waiting for you and you always had just slightly more than the exact change, rushing away without taking the change, no matter how many times he’d tried to either catch up with you, or insist the next one was on the house. Thinking about that first sip of nutty-sweet milky java had you almost salivating. Unfortunately it also distracted you.
You registered the bump, followed by a curse that was loud enough to pierce through the music pulsating straight into your ears. You turned to see a man in a leather jacket, with short brown hair, swiping at the patch of wetness on his jeans with a gloved hand, while an empty paper coffee cup lay on its side on the ground. You pulled out your earbuds and then, without thinking, pulled a handful of paper napkins out of your purse. You dropped to a crouch in front of him and started to pat at the dampness.
“I’m so sorry! I was just distracted by the beauty of the day and the thought of my first coffee, and I just didn’t see you, and I hope you’re okay and…”
Your brain kicked in as two things happened. Firstly, you realised that you were patting very close to the stranger’s crotch. Secondly, the napkins were being pulled out your hand very firmly and you were being pulled to your feet.
Blue.
That’s what you noticed first.
Icy, steely blue.
His eyes were like diamonds and momentarily you couldn’t look away.
“...I said, do you always make a habit of accosting and groping strangers first thing in the morning?”
You snapped back to reality as you realised that ‘blue eyes’ was talking to you. Well, actually, it was more like growling at you. What a sourpuss. You flashed him one of your trademark smiles.
“Not everyday, I’ll admit - the police might have something to say about it.” The man ‘harumphed’ and continued glaring at you. Obviously not a fan of your brand of humour.
“...Anyway, let me get you another coffee, it’s the least I can do to apologise.”
You turned toward old Frankie and his cart, and bless his soul if he didn’t already have your drink, and what you could only assume was a duplicate of Grumpy’s order.
“The refill is on the house, Sunny. And no arguments. Accidents happen.”
You smiled at the old man and bent down to place a kiss on his cheek.
“That they do, Frankie. And, if you’ll excuse the blasphemy, it’s only coffee.”
He shook his head at you with a smile and waved you away so he could deal with his next customer. You turned back to the object of your unanticipated morning interaction, only to find that he’s gone. You turned in a circle, seeing if you could spot which way he’d gone, but nope, he’d completely disappeared. Well, his loss, and now you had a spare coffee. With a small shrug you continued on your way.
Ten am, and you were settled into your day. You loved your job as a receptionist at the VA. You got to help some of your nation’s greatest and bravest citizens transition back to civilian life, which you felt was the least you could do to show your appreciation. When you weren’t greeting those coming to use the various services offered at this centre, you were phoning veterans to organise appointments for physiotherapy, counselling and group support sessions.
“Hey, Sunny!” You looked up from your computer to see Joe, one of the support group leaders smiling at you as he leant on your counter.
“Morning, Joe! It’s a lovely day today, and made even better by you being here!”
“Sunny, you keep flirting like that, I’m gonna have to insist you come out for a drink with me.”
You chuckled. This was your regular banter with him.
“Joe, you know this ain’t flirting, this is just me. And you’re as old as my dad.”
He clutched his hand to his heart, theatrically. “You wound me, Sunny. I may just expire, as I’m apparently that old. Anyhow, you got me the expected attendance list for the meeting?”
You rifled through the papers in the folder on your desk.
“Sure thing. Here it is. I can see you gotta few new names on here, so hopefully it will be an interesting one.”
“You know that’s an old Chinese curse - ‘may you live in interesting times’?” He gave you a wink as he took the paper from your hand and walked off towards the room he used, with only a slight limp giving away the fact that his right leg was a prosthetic.
Half an hour later and the vets for the Joe’s group started to arrive, all of them being amputees of some description, some sporting prosthetics and others not. They all came together though, to talk about the trauma of losing a limb in combat, the long road to recovery and issues associated with having a prosthetic or a missing limb, both physically, mentally and socially.
The regulars came up and used the computer screen on their side of your desk to log their arrival and get a printed photo sticker-badge to wear. The newbies, however, had to go through you for their first time, which is why you always recommended they turn up 15 minutes before the start of the session so you could double check their identity, the information you held and then get them a computer profile set up for all return visits.
You’d just completed all the paperwork with one newcomer, and sent him off with an old-hand to the meeting room when the doors to the building slammed open. You looked up and couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across your face.
“It’s you! I’m afraid I drank your replacement coffee, cos you disappeared so quickly.”
Grumpy just glared at you. You noticed there was still a slight stain on his jeans. You tried a different tack.
“Can I help you with anything? Are you a vet, or looking to support a vet? We’ve got lots of programmes and support groups.”
Still without saying anything he tugged the glove off his left hand, revealing the metallic sheen of the most advanced prosthetic you’d ever seen. Understanding dawned.
“Ooo! Are you here for the amputee support group?” You looked down at your copy of the attendance list, noting that only one vet, one of the new guys hadn’t yet checked in. “Are you James Barnes?”
“Sergeant.”
A look of puzzlement marred your features.
“Pardon?”
“Sergeant Barnes.” You got it then. Some guys, especially if fresh out and still adjusting, preferred to be referred to by their military rank.
“Okay, Sergeant Barnes. I’ve just gotta get you set up here. What’s your date of birth?” You glanced up from your computer to find he was still staring at you.
“Seriously? You’re asking me that?”
You were confused by his tone; this wasn’t normally an issue.
“Absolutely. Gotta make sure I’ve got it all correct.”
“Like you don’t already know.”
Your almost permanent smile started to falter under his intense gaze.
“I really don’t. And I need it for the records.”
Barnes let out a resigned huff.
“Fine. Play your games. Seventeenth March, 1917.”
“1970? Gotta say, you don’t look like you’re over fifty. Good genes I suppose.”
“No, doll. 1917. One Nine One Seven.”
Now you were really confused.
“How is that possible? That would make you…” You paused while you did the maths in your head…. “One hundred and six. And like I just said, you don’t even look fifty.”
“Look, doll. Either you’re a really good actress, been hiding under a rock, or just dumb.”
Normally you could keep your cool, laugh and brush off negative comments, but something about the grumpy sergeant was rubbing you up the wrong way.
“That’s not very nice, Sergeant. Just because you don’t like the questions and don’t want to answer them properly, doesn’t mean you have to be mean to me.”
He sighed again and pinched the bridge of his nose.
“Are you really telling me that you don’t know who I am? Even with having my name in front of you, seeing my arm and me telling you how old I am? Don’t you ever watch the news?”
“Not really. It’s too depressing and sad.”
Another sigh.
“Okay, okay. My full name is James Buchanen Barnes, 107th. Presumed KIA in February 1945, but in fact taken captive by Hydra. I survived traumatic, unintentional amputation of my left arm via snowy mountainside, and was given a replacement by them when they brain-washed me, turning me into an assassin, and was kept cryogenically frozen between missions, spanning over 70 years. I was known as the Winter Soldier. My conditioning started to break in 2014 when I was commanded to kill Captain America, but as Steve was my childhood best friend, my brain rebelled. I went on the run for two years until I was framed for the assassination of King T’Chaka of Wakanda and captured by Shield, then triggered into my Winter Soldier state by a disgruntled Sokovian Baron, wanting revenge on the Avengers for the death of his family during the Ultron incident. I then spent a further two years in Wakanda, having my programming broken, recovering mentally and physically, and given this new arm, before fighting Thanos and getting dusted with half of everyone else. Came back in the Blip, and now supporting Sam Wilson as the new Captain America. I was pardoned for my past crimes and have to attend court mandated therapy and it’s been suggested that attending a support group could be good for me. Know who I am now?”
It was your turn to stare, eyes wide and mouth open as you absorbed all the information from his monologue.
“Soooo, what I’m getting is that you really are 106 years old and for some reason you have a pardon and court-mandated therapy for things you did while you were brain-washed. Seems hinky to me, but who am I to question it?”
A snort left Barnes’ nose, a mix of disbelief and amusement.
“That’s what you take from my story. No questions about Hydra, no histrionics about the fact that a famed assassin is standing in front of you?”
“Why would I? You’ve told me you’ve been ‘deprogrammed’, you’ve been referred to us for group support, and if you were that dangerous I’m sure I wouldn’t have survived the coffee incident this morning.”
His lips twitched, and his face transformed. The lines in his forehead disappeared and migrated to the corners of his eyes, eyes that were now less steel and more spring sky coloured.
“Nothing phases you, does it?”
“Nope. That’s why everyone calls me Sunny. And is that a smile I see, Sergeant? Don’t tell me that somehow I’ve broken through that stoic facade of yours?”
His smile grew wider.
“I’m sure you’re just imagining it. I’m still really annoyed.”
“Uh-huh?” You smiled back. No, you grinned back.
He leaned his crossed arms on the counter, his stance now far more relaxed.
“What other information do you need for that computer system of yours, Sunny? My telephone number perhaps?”
Oh, wow! He’d gone from grumpy to flirt in less than 60 seconds. Now he was fully smiling you had to admit he was kinda cute. Or rather hella hot. You resisted the urge to pull at the neckline of your top to let the steam out.
“I’ve already got a record of that here already, Sergeant.”
His arm reached over the countertop and he snagged your pen and notepad from next to you.
“Well, just in case you need it again for your records, or for any other purpose, I’ll write it down for you.”
If it was possible, your grin got wider.
“Why, Sergeant Barnes, that’s very… helpful of you.”
“Call me James, doll. Or Bucky, if you want.” The tip of his tongue peaked out from between his lips and you were mesmerised.
“Of course… James.”
You swore you saw him shiver as you said his name.
The clock above your head gave a ‘ding’ as it struck the hour, and you realised that his session was about to start. You gave a little cough and dragged your eyes away from Barnes’ James’ face and back to your computer.
“I’d best get this all finished off, so you can go join in the group. It’s really good - Joe is so lovely and supportive.”
You finished typing, directed him to stand in front of the camera (which he scowled at) and printed off his sticker ID.
“When you finish, just peel off the sticker, place it in the bin and note on the system that you’re leaving. That should be around midday.”
“And when do you get your lunch break, doll?”
Oh! How were you supposed to cope in the face of his megawatt charm? It had been a lot easier when he was grouchy, even though you’d wanted to tease him.
“Why, James, are you asking me out?”
“Well, you do owe me a coffee.”
Tag list: @jobean12-blog @bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky @tuiccim @yarnforbrains @sidepartskinnyjeans @flordeamatista @krissy25 @bodeckersdiamonddoll @goldylions @luxeavenger @wheezy-stucky @doasyoudesireandlive @chemtrails-club @seitmai @talia-rumlow @peaches1958
#bucky x you#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x you#jen's 1k follower celebration#jen's 1k challenge#Hanna 📔
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Malevolent part 48 spoilers live blog
Oooooh I’ve heard good things about this episode
Starting off strong with Arthur coughing his lungs up
BLOOD?! TUBERCULOSIS
Spooky hallwayyyyy
John is gonna take the lead this episode it seems
Ooooh more people?
Oh someone is speaking!
Kinda thought they would all have sewn lips
Who’s that?
This is more characters in one space at a time
Moreeeeeeee voicessss
Bro just straight up dying and these guys don’t bat an eye
Oooh ok so they’re all waiting
“Speaking of sick, who are you?”
Gerard? A vin- a what?
A WEEK??
So much for being late
Oooh I’m liking these voices
He sounds like s1 Arthur
Friendly Friar
I am gonna lose track of these characters so quick
Forgotten all their names already
Oh my god Arthur
There’s so much talking this is really different (not in a bad way)
Get a snack Arthur PLEASE
The witch?
Oh wait that guy is French
Spooky lady at the bottom of the stairs…
Slay the princess reference omg
I love this music
Who is this
This is making me think of the green knight
I actually do kinda need this layout refresher it’s hard to keep track
Hmmmm many characters to ask
Lengwood does not like him BHAHAHAH
EWWW
John is in support mode hehe
I do kinda like this character he’s interesting
Are they gonna get picked off one by one
“It’s only death” Arthur like “yes indeed, I died just the other day!”
I’m very curious about this Everard now
Hmmm well John and Arthur are seeking answers
Ah he knows… maybe
Ooh that’s ominous
Oooh someone is coming……….
Everard?
Modern… interesting
Oooh this is so ominous I’m loving this
“No issue navigating” interesting…
Something about the way he says consonants scratches my brain
Seems Arthur fits the Warren role well
Mmm an architect
“Short while” BEHHAHAHS that feels like a roast ngl
So we have a friar, warren, architect, doctor (?), anstronomer
These guys are gonna be a big help me thinks…
“Visions the others cannot comprehend” want a bet
Ooooh what will it be
Black stone teehee
“I am not affiliated with the order?” Order of the fallen star?
Yep
Arthur accidentally getting himself drawn into a cult smh
Tomorrow night… well that’ll be next episode I assume
Arthur is probably gonna try take it… maybe
Uh they can’t give him the ring from the order hmmm
Loving that they’re working with non verbal communication as apposed to IGNORING EACHOTHER
Uh oh…
Making note of the scars
Ngl Arthur that’s not the BEST excuse
Ah they’re stuck with eachother for a bit
Hope those walls are soundproof…
John was doing a description!
Mmm yeah I wonder what getting evolved with great ones would do to your faith…
Calling him a heathen HAHA
Arthur is back in the game YEAAAAH
Well maybe…
One of these guys is gonna get murdered FOR SURE
They’re going to pick eachother off
John needs to NOT sleep tonight he’s gonna need to play watch dog
Arthur admitting he’s not ok? Wow who’da thought. Character development!
Who’s moving around
“Sit” “it helps me think” I liked that little exchange idk
Why are you talking about football
He’s trying to get them to fight for it?
Mmmmm so it’s a test?
CALLLLLLLED IT
Murder mystery!!!
Who got murdered?
You think John suspects the power won’t work anymore?
It didn’t with the witch…
Or maybe he’s just nervous to go through it
Man they’re all pointing fingers smh
Ooooh it’s a who done it heheheh
RIP Lengwood
Friar might have done it but he could be a red herring
Well that’s a bloody murder you would get a little blood on you for that
These guys would not solve shit without Arthur
Common interest…
Ah ok order stuff
Devious devious
Ah the ring!!
Arthur can use their’s if necessary
Well shouldn’t you look at Lengwood’s corpse?
Yes yes
OH FUCK
You two need to get rid of that ring
ARTHUR YOU’RE MAKING YOURSELF LOOK SUSPICIOUS
AURGHHHHHH
Arthur has an alibi but you lot can’t hear him!
Friar answered way too quick
“Don’t you mean again” BHAHAHHAHA
John is reluctant to touch the body… does the power not work anymore..?
Ditch the ring!!! Ditch it!! You don’t need it!! Or hide it in your shoe or some shit
SHOE PUT IT IN YOUR SHOE
WHY DID HE JUST DUMP IT
Barnabus jumpscare
Why you grabbing him like that stop that
This guys is a bit creepy
These guys have a guilty before innocent thing
“He studies your face with a cleverness. It’s hidden slightly, behind the veneer of alcohol” nice line I like that
They’re gonna buddy up?
There’s gonna be a brawl or something
Arthur you’re toeing a dangerous line
Everard WANTS you guys to be picked off, he’s not a good alibi
“I’m excited for you to see” the dead body????
Cool chapel? Sounds like it could be?
Oh Lengword woods
“His body is sprawled upon the steps, face to the side in grotesque tableau of agony. His face wears a horrible scream.” Great imagery goddamn
No ring… damn
You guys are bad at investigating stuff
Yeah they’re gonna wanna check your bag probably
How would they explain away Yorick?? “Hey sorry yeah that’s just my severed head, he’s chill dw”
Why is Elia on body disposal duty
Bro is poking at Baranabus BHAHAHAH get FUCKED
Loving the non-verbal communication between these two
What IS Arthur doing
HE’S GONNA PLANT IT. Or something similar
Oh Arthur you sneaky SNEAKY bastard
Clever clever
Everard just dipped BAHHAHHA
I know this is just how Arthur is in his element but also he fits the Warren role
So much for touching the body…
Why do people keep asking him if he’s a good person
Kayne? Horig? Or maybe the KiY??
Omg wait maybe is it Horig…
He was taken to the dreamlands?? Maybe…
OH WHAT THE FUCK
Why’d he do that?
Horrifying imagery, love it
BAHAHA HE’S JUST FLOATING
Well you missed your opportunity
“All you worship the way I do” ehhh Arthur not so much
Dang Everard is a horrid host
So someone else might die overnight
Your alibi really ditched you BAHHAHA
So Barnabus did do it? Maybe
Oooooh black stone next episode!!
#malevolent#malevolent podcast#arthur lester#john doe malevolent#malevolent spoilers#malevolent part 48
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Sorry I really didn’t mean I’m attacking you or your ship. I also don’t think it’s a red flag, most gay men I saw don’t really like shuggy either. I mean, probably the entire world prefers any other shanks ships? On almost every site, con or store there’s always tons of mishanks and Bennshanks and never shuggy. I get it’s also about dynamic and connection those two pairs have, like with the parallels to other ships the base for them is extremely strong. But the minimal shuggy does speak volumes. I genuinely wonder about this. Shuggy is unpopular and again while I do agree there’s strong connection between “rival ships” I don’t think that’s the only reason… and like…. Buggy is ugly, isn’t he? He doesn’t have cool style, doesn’t look cool, makes ugly faces all the time, also is a coward. I like him as comedy character and shanks brother though!
I understand where you're coming from when you say Shuggy is unpopular amongst some people (actually, before anyone says anything. It IS an extremely popular ship in Japan but I have seen A LOT of hatred towards it in this side of the fandom, so that's what I'm talking about when I say it's unpopular). I have talked about this before. And I have said a lot of times that the reason why is often because people only focus on looks and Buggy is not conventionally attractive for the fangirly twinkified sexualized gaze numerous sides of the fandom and the general audience seek. Like, I am not forcing people to ship them, but I have had people admitting the only reason they don't is because of the looks, and I personally believe that is a very (despite valid, of course) dull way of seeing ships. And respectfully, I don't care that other gay dudes or all the people in the world agree with you. It's not a red flag to not like Shuggy, what it is a red flag, though, is to come into people's inboxes to do what you're doing!
I know you don't mean to attack me or anybody who ships them but your tone does wonders showing otherwise. Your perception of shipping is just based on looks and the fact that you came here, to a blog that explicitly ships these characters and is fond of Buggy, talking shit about one of the characters' looks... Is just straight-up mean and not following the social etiquette this site should follow, which is "let people do whatever the fuck they want".
So with all due respect, what makes you think I won't find your questions offensive in any way? Because you keep talking bad about a character I like in my inbox for literally no reason. Do you expect me to admit that the ship is unpopular because Buggy is ugly and boring? Well, I do admit people view him as ugly and only a comedy relief, but I don't. Expecting others to find beautiful and interesting the same things you do is having a very close-minded vision that One Piece's plot itself is against.
By the way, you're showing that you clearly don't like Buggy in the slightest because you're only talking about the traits that you find negative about him. But of course, you like him as comedy relief. Of course, you like him as a character in Shanks' story and not as a character himself. Despite Buggy having lots of depth. Your perception of these characters seems, in my opinion, extremely empty and, as I said, only based on looks. And you're free of shipping whatever you want however you want! But please, please, don't do this anymore. This is just petty high school mean girl behavior. Even Regina George would word this in a more polite way.
So, as a little advice for you, let people ship whatever they want without questioning their favorite characters! I am sure you will live a more peaceful life!
#this is my polite way of saying get the fuck out of my sweet sweet peaceful inbox !#i think i made pretty clear in the last ask that i did not agree with your views and that your tone was pretty much attacking me and others#and also???? NOT COOL??????? BUGGY????? ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THE SAME CHARACTER#ONLY COMEDY RELIEF?????????? sweetie you did NOT read chapter 1082 or. well. understand buggy's character at all#and to answer what you said in the last ask: no i do not think shanks should be with someone prettier bc shanks wants to be with buggy#and also who said shanks is the pretty one in that dynamic damnnn he is not the one who pulled cross guild let me tell you#okay i am being meannn i love shanks you all know i do but uhhh#buggy's character design and story are like. extremely way more colorful and interesting and it's obvious oda loves him so damn much#and nothing against you seeing them as brothers btw that's a reasonable view of the dynamic but#the wording makes it seem like you just care about shanks#and sending these asks to someone who obviously cares about both but is extremely fond of buggy is so ????#why#like why would you do it#don't you have better things to do 😭#not even gonna tag this as shuggy bc this is triggering my rsd and god i am sorry for the people reading this#i love you shuggy shippers mwah mwah#ask-bean!
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Where Do Broken Hearts Go (18+)- Teaser
Pairing: Model, ex-boyfriend!Jungkook X Child psychologist, Fem!Reader X Lawyer, Single Dad!Hoseok.
Summary: Jungkook stripped your emotions naked, left you bare in the chilly wind of despair and self-doubt with an unending heartache. You tried your hardest to move on from him, to live for yourself but failed miserably. Each night you had to come back to your empty home where memories and broken dreams were scattered all around the floor, until one day a little angel and her unbelievably beautiful father came into your life. Finally, when you find yourself healing, maybe falling too, Jungkook had to show up! Again!
Theme: Angst (For the teaser)
Warnings: it's just very angsty, an argument and a proposal (we will see about that)
Word count: 730 (For the teaser)
Listened to: Where Do Broken Hearts Go by One Direction
Taglist requests are closed!
Minors and karens are not allowed in this blog
Disclaimers: Pictures are taken from Pinterest.
Main Masterlist
Chapters:-
Prologue/Masterpost || Chapter 1 || Chapter 2 || Chapter 3 || Chapter 4 || Chapter 5 || Chapter 6 || Chapter 7 - Finale
Teaser
“Sorry. I’m late.” Jungkook’s muffled voice rings behind your ear.
You were so lost in your thoughts, or fear, that you didn’t even hear him entering the cabin.
He heads towards the seat opposite of yours, without any further greetings, any kiss or even a hug… oh hell not even a single glance.
“As if it’s the first time.” you scoff. Jungkook chuckles nervously, removing his mask and snapback.
“Let’s order something. Heard their soy sauce chicken is a hit-”
“Y/N, I can’t stay for long. Can you make it quick?” Jungkook cuts off your words. His tone is so curt, so foreign that you doubt if it’s actually him underneath his skin or not.
“Jungkook… What's wrong? Why are you making things so formal? For fuck’s sake it’s me. Your so-called girlfriend.” Your voice quivers but you scream nonetheless.
“Y/N! Quit being dramatic and lower your voice. We are not at home.” Jungkook hisses, teeth gritting, eyes narrowing.
“Home? You mean the apartment you left because your agency said it’s risky to share a space with your girlfriend of three years? The same place you refused to meet at because paparazzi are keeping tabs on you as you are rumored to be dating someone else?” you reply with the same ferocity.
Jungkook closes his eyes and rubs his face with both of his palms. Taking a sharp inhale, he says, “Can you please tell me why we are here? I don’t think you booked this private cabin just so we can fight?”
You roll your eyes, less in sarcasm, more in an attempt to make your tears disappear.
You sit straight as if being prepared for the sword that is going to pierce through your heart, “Jungkook, do you... do you love me?”
Jungkook visibly stiffens. His eyes go wide as if someone has asked him to jump off of the building. You see him collecting himself and clearing his throat only to lie, “O-Of course I do. But suddenly why?”
Even though you want to believe his words, you know those are as hollow as his eyes and maybe his heart as well.
“Then..” you pause, reaching for your purse. Pulling out the pitch black velvet box, you look at him. Jungkook’s eyes are wide again, filled with horror and confusion. He probably knows what you are doing and he does not seem to be the least bit happy.
You stand up from your seat and round the table to reach Jungkook, “don’t you think it’s the high time we get engaged? It’s been three years since we started dating, our families approve each other, and... and we have always wanted a future together.” You open the box for him to see, a tight-lipped smile lingers on your face only to punctuate your proposal.
Jungkook looks up at you with his big doe mystical eyes and then looks down on the ring you have spent a fortune on. Your heart hammers in your chest, but it is not the flattering kind. Your heart races in a fear that you know, yet don’t know, of yet.
Jungkook’s face falls and he looks away from you. He plays with his fingers and avoids any kind of eye contact with you. You stand there like a doll made of steel, staring at him with the ring.
“Y/N. This is not- I can’t. I mean, this is so sudden. I am at the peak of my career and I can’t think of getting engaged or married at this point of life. Why are you rushing everything like this?” Jungkook’s eyes are still trained on the table, not on you.
“Because I am afraid, Jungkook. I am afraid you might leave me behind if I don’t try to hold onto you now.” you finally let your tears fall. You sob uncontrollably.
Jungkook whips his head towards you and then stands up slowly. He holds you by your arms and opens his mouth to say something, “Y/N. I-”
“But I guess it’s too late now. You were long gone. You were gone far before the day you were seen with her. I should have understood Jungkook. I should have…” you run out of breath but still continue, “now please answer me honestly, you love her. Don’t you?”
Jungkook starts avoiding your eyes again. His grip on your arms loosens and you somehow know the answer already.
Taglist:-
@phenomenalgirl9 @variety-is-the-joy-of-life @soraviie @sukunabitch @chimchimmarie @coffeedepressionsoup @meowstake @vonvi-blog @nochuel @xjoonchildx @justmewondering-recs @cuteipat @miakey98 @purpleanchorcrown @chimmisbae @ane102 @llallaaa (I hope I have not missed anyone.)
#bts angst#bts smut#jungkook angst#jungkook smut#hoseok angst#hoseok smut#bts x reader#jungkook x reader#hoseok x reader#bts fanfiction#jungkook fanfic#hoseok scenarios#jhope angst#jhope smut#bts
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