#longnon

[princeandrogyne]

hey hello it’s your high-word-count friend here. really really appreciated your response, it has been recieved! i'm pretty terrible at responding to responses for some reason. I think I just think too much about words and thoughts and the pressure to decently communicate an appropriate reaction, it's easier to throw word vomit at the screen at a late night whim to an online stranger than to actually properly acknowledge a really thoughtful and well written and kind response to said word vomit. it was a really lovely response. i didn't know if it'd be worth it to be so weirdly raw as an anonymous presence in a tumblr inbox but I gotta say, it was nice to be seen. I think it was worth it. thank you.

I was gonna write a big longer thing but it might need more work-shopping so I perhaps will come back soon. tangentially related I wanted to indulge in some unstructured pondering about dog metaphors to say: that domesticated dog thing you said at some point on your blog....yeahh. it's very relatable... I once met a shaky little shitzu and I realized I was just like it. would never be equipped to live in the reality of the wild, yet still scared of the world in my enclosure. needing care, being far too attached to the people who feed me, yet always wanting to bite. being yelled at but not really learning much from it other than the fact I don't want to be yelled at again. I end up doing everything to make people happy (or at least not mad at me) I listen to instructions and jump through every hoop they put there just because what else do I have, really? I always want to bite but I never do, maybe I know that evolutionarily my teeth have dulled. I guess I wouldn't be such a terrible dog. not a great human though.

I used to have a dog. she'd always bark and snap if my parents or anyone got near me. I'm not big on touch, especially from my parents, so it was kind of nice to have a personal guard dog at times, looking out for me. I didn't think she really liked me. she'd snap if I got close to her sometimes, and often just straight up ignored me. so I never got why she was so territorial over me in those instances. but I appreciated it.

ok thanks for reading, I'll probably come visit more time to time, but absolutely no pressure to ever respond, or hell, even read these only somewhat sensical messages. against all my better judgement I do think you're a cool person and also yeah your blog sparks some kind of light in me that actually inspires me to speak whatever part of my mind that I usually try and suppress in order to fulfill my supposed function as a "well-adjusted member of society" so that's perhaps why I'm here, and maybe why I'll stick around? and if I ever overstep please take the executive order to like. tumblr kill me or something and delete such asks. that probably shouldn't happen since clearly I'm a weird anxious and antsy person who cares so much about boundaries as to write disclaimers on a fully anonymous message but uhh. what was I saying. this is probably a good time to cut it off holy shit I ramble like I have nowhere to be (which I really don't haha) may the universe send you good fortune and the energy to keep going! peace and love and thanks again!

Hello! I am naming you longnon, if you ever want to take a look at your asks it should be under that!

This response may be a bit shorter because I'm quite exhausted. I love responding to people. I love talking and communicating and learning and making connections. You are a gift to me. I hope you do visit me again, however often you want, with anything you'd like to say. I think it's funny that I demonstrate parts of people that they usually want to suppress. And a little sad, but I think it's accurate to the situation.

I think your dog loved you even though she didn't like you.

[ardenrosegarden]

After the death of Alan III, Bertha remarried almost immediately to Hugh II, Count of Maine. Widowed again, she returned to Brittany to the side of her son Conan, who then ruled that province; but she had not forgotten her native country, and she retained a particular cult for the church of Notre-Dame de Chartres. So, when Conan died (December 11, 1066), she wanted to make this church a special foundation for her beloved son: we have proof of this in the Obituary of the Cathedral of Chartres: “IIII id. Dec., obiit Conanus, Britannorum comes, pro cujus anima Berta, comitissa, mater ejus, altare hujus ecclesie decoro exornavit cyborio'.”

-Lucien Merlet, Une Colonie de Bretons a Chartres

[archivist-dragonfly]

Book 372

The Très Riches Heures of Jean, Duke of Berry

Text by Jean Longnon

George Braziller 1969

Created primarily by the Limbourg Brothers—Herman, Paul, and Johan—between c. 1412-1416, the Très Riches Heures is, according to the marketing copy printed on the slipcase, “One of the Miracles of Art History”. While “miracle” might be a touch hyperbolic, the sentiment is clear and true. With a total of 206 pages, including 131 dazzling large and small miniatures, and at a surprisingly large size for a book of hours (30 cm x 21.5 cm), it is certainly one of the great achievements of Western art. Reproduced from the original held by the Musée Condé in Chantilly, France, this book is an impressive package. With its printed slipcase, full cloth binding, and full-size reproductions, it is a worthy treatment of a truly wondrous work. Perhaps it is a miracle, after all.

[manuscripts-dontburn]

The Heroines

Author: Laura Shepperson

First published: 2023

Rating: ★☆☆☆☆

Somebody else said this felt more like a fanfiction rather than a serious literary retelling and I have to agree, while I also add this particular fanfiction was super sub-par and messy. There is a plethora of characters who all sound exactly the same. ALL the men are awful. ALL the women are abused EVERY night by ALL these men. And ALL the characters are absolutely unbelievable within the context of the myth. These are yet again, 20th-century people. Furthermore, I was bothered by the usage of expressions like "madam", "land ahoy" and "ex-husband" in what is supposed to be an ancient Greek myth. And the Viking culture, from one of the minor characters, is supposed to come..... did not exist at the same time as the Ancient Athens. So bad.

The Pearl: A True Tale of Forbidden Love in Catherine the Great's Russia

Author: Douglas Smith

First published: 2008

Rating: ★★★★☆

There are very few books in English that focus on Russian nobility (while there are plenty on the tsars). Douglas Smith wrote Former People: The Final Days of the Russian Aristocracy in which he showed how that nobility was systematically wiped out after 1917, however in The Pearl he plunges right into what was probably the most spectacular time for that same privileged class. The unusual story of a nobleman and a serf getting married serves the narrative as a sort of Ariadne´s yarn, as the book provides quite a detailed and fascinating description of the phenomenon that was the serf-theater. The author does not paint the affair as a romantic fairytale, acknowledging facts like Praskovia being figuratively her lover´s property, the age difference (which, back then, was not really seen as an issue), and the power dynamics. I found the subject very interesting and the writing clear and infused with enough poetry of language not to be dry and academic.

Matilda

Author: Mary Shelley

First published: 1959

Rating: ★★★★★

In spite of the lack of action and being very, very wordy indeed, this book held me completely captive thanks to the beautiful language and especially the psychological depth. This ladies and gentlemen, would be a stunning candidate for a re-telling in a proper novel form.

The Fair Botanists

Author: Sara Sheridan

First published: 2021

Rating: ★★★☆☆

The greatest enjoyment I had from this book was walking the Edinburgh streets in my mind because I had visited the city last year and fell in love with it. However, even though the writing is very good, the storyline failed to capture my attention and seemed, indeed, rather boring.

The Tres Riches Heures of Jean, Duke of Berry

Author: Jean Longnon, Raymond Cazelles

First published: 1440

Rating: ★★★★★

Stunning presentation of a remarkable book. Besides beautifully drawn biblical stories some of the plates show life in medieval times, almost like a time capsule.

House of the Spirits

Author: Isabel Allende

First published: 1982

Rating: ★★★★☆

If I should compare this book to something, it would be to a lovechild of Practical Magic by Alice Hoffman and books by Vaddey Rattner (though the pain in the latter´s books is inflicted by the exact opposite side than the one in this). While Isabel Allende´s style is not exactly to my taste, the family saga she wove in this book is fantastic from beginning to end, with its weird, unique, and, yes, even downright awful people. However, the sexual musings of the men were uncomfortable and unnecessary.

The Agency for Scandal

Author: Laura Wood

First published: 2023

Rating: ★★★☆☆

This is a great book when you just want something sweet and to relax. Full of tropes (including there was only one bed), and a little basic when it comes to the plot (the idea of a Victorian secret society of undercover lady agents made me want much more than what was delivered), but charming in the way it is uncomplicated.

Stalin: The Court of the Red Tsar

Author: Simon Sebag Montefiore

First published: 2003

Rating: ★★★★☆

Very impressive biography of a terrible person. I have not read much on Stalin (though I have researched the lives of ordinary people of Russia under his regime) so I have little to compare this to in terms of accuracy. However, the author, as always, never fails to present everything as the golden truth - including the mental aerobics of maniacs. Perhaps some skepticism and doubt would suit his over-confident narrative.

A Gathering of Shadows

Author: V.E. Schwab

First published: 2016

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

This felt as long as a 30-year war. The first 300 pages are a painfully slow set-up, that is actually so elaborate (and full of passages that just did not need to exist, because they were extremely repetitive) that when something actually does happen near the very end, there is no surprise or twist at all. I mightily disliked most of the main characters (Lila is insufferable) and the villains had the actual best motivation out of everybody. Also, I felt that considering that the whole book kept talking about the Elemental Games, the games themselves had very little to do with the actual plot and left no impact whatsoever. I need to think on whether I even want to read the third book - but knowing myself I probably will, because I am a completionist.

Divine Rivals

Author: Rebecca Ross

First published: 2023

Rating: ★★★★☆

If you loved Lovely War, you will love this one. The romance is impossibly sweet and well-paced, and by the end of the book, you feel that the happiness or tragedy of your two protagonists is really your personal business. I loved the medium of letters and found the atmosphere of war slowly but surely marching on to you believable and realistic. I really, really liked this - and was bummed out to realize this is not a stand-alone! I want the second book now, please!

[illustratus]

Map of Charlemagne's empire after the partition of 806

Marca Hispanica, a military buffer zone beyond the former province of Septimania, established by Charlemagne in 795 as a defensive barrier between the Umayyad Moors of Al-Andalus & the Frankish Carolingian Empire

[salted-caramel-tea]

I HUST SOENT SO LONGNON MY JAIKS AND I FUXKED SMUDGED OME .

GETTINF THE FUCKINF DRINKS

[belfaqyrf]

8 Outrageous Real-Life Beast Hitchhikers

You may have paid a hefty chow for your holiday trip, but occasionally there are “ passengers” who haven’t paid at all.

Beast hitchhikers can be a problem no matter how your trip. Ranging from curious neighborhood faves to dangerous herbivores, then are eight outrageous real-life beast hitchhikers! . On a Qatar Airlines flight from Bangkok to Doha in March, Londoner Jake Buckingham took a videotape of a small raspberry that had been hiding in an overhead caddy for the utmost of the flight but escaped into the cabin, flying around the airplane while it was traveling at bases.

In May, an Air Canada flight was completely boarded when Vancouver baggage instructors discovered a raccoon in the weight hold. Only seven hours latterly the “ all clear” was given for departure as the raccoon had escaped across the runway. In 2012, a Jack Russell terrier named Patch jumped on an Irish Rail train to Dublin from his home in County Kildare. Irish Rail twittered a “ Lost Dog!” communication with his print that garnered over 500 retweets within the hour. Miraculously, his proprietor saw the communication and was reunited with her cherished doggy. Patch’s hour on the train wasn’t so bad, as reports say he spent his trip being patted by adoring passengers.

Passengers were less thrilled to discover a bottom-longnon-venomous rat snake riding on a pellet train in Japan in 2016. One passenger discovered the snake when he went to use the armrest only to find the snake wrapped around it. The train made an unscheduled stop as soon as it could and shaken passengers exited their auto allowing the train’s staff to remove it. In 2015, an 80-pound black bear stowed down in a dumpster that was picked up by a scrap truck near Hume Lake, California, and was driven to Fresno! . “ When I ditched the vessel, I saw all the workers running. I saw Cinnamon (the bear) running across the parking lot,” the truck motorist said. Cinnamon was safely captured and returned to the timber by the Fresno Police and California Department of Fish and Wildlife authorities. In March, a bobcat was discovered running on the sundeck of a riverboat in Pittsburgh! . No one knows how the bobcat ended up on the boat, or indeed how it ended up in Pittsburgh, as no bobcats had been captured within the megacity in times. Animal Care and Control officers safely captured the bobcat unharmed and delivered it to the Penn Hills Animal Rescue Wildlife Center. In January, a pet rose-breasted cockatoo named Harri escaped from his proprietor’s home in Brisbane, Australia, and was discovered on a voyaging boat four days into its trip to New Zealand.

The voyage boat gave Harri his cabin. Luckily, his proprietor had microchipped him and was notified of Harri’s peregrination. Harri had all his health checks and was let back in Australia on the boat’s return to Brisbane. In April, a British sightseer was scarified to discover a poisonous hitcher when he returned home from a trip to Africa.

When he unloaded his wallet, a four-inch scorpion known as a “ gravel thick- tail” fell out. The species is known to have a sting that, although not fatal, feels like an electric shock.

Luckily, the rubberneck was suitable to trap the scorpion in a glass vessel and the scorpion waste-homed at an installation that cares for fantastic beast species.

Remember to check your things before you travel! You noway know what creature might have stowed down!

[merzbow-derek]

POST-SCRIPTUM 933

AGITATION FRITE 3

Agitation Frite 1 et 2, Témoignages de l’underground français sont donc sortis chez Lenka lente. Un troisième volume est en préparation, fait d’interviews pour moitié, mais aussi de textes cette fois, dont un TOP 500 commenté des meilleures productions en la matière. On en trouvera ici des extraits, régulièrement. Par exemple, GÉRARD SIRACUSA, ANDRÉ JAUME, DAVID RUEFF.

André Jaume, Jean-Marc Montera, David Rueff, Lionel Dublanchet, Gérard Siracusa : comment vous rencontrez-vous ? Pourquoi avoir fondé le GRIM ?

Gérard Siracusa : Jeune ado, j’ai tout d’abord rencontré Hervé Bourde et André Jaume, deux musiciens marseillais qui pouvaient me faire rêver, et chez qui j’entendais des accents « coltraniens » doublés d’une ouverture vers un devenir de la musique. Il faut savoir que j’ai été très tôt féru de musiques nouvelles et ouvert à toutes les musiques – classique et contemporaine, jazz et free jazz, improvisation libre et musiques traditionnelles extra-européennes (j’avais déjà un peu lâché la pop et le rock). En 1974, alors que j’avais 16 ans, je donne mon premier concert en tant que batteur du groupe Goah d’Hervé Bourde. Celui-ci récolte un article élogieux dans Jazz Magazine, et André Jaume m’ouvre la voie à dix années de formidables collaborations (de Nommo aux deux octettes avec Joe McPhee et al.). Michel Palmi, pour l’occasion bassiste électrique de Goah, me happe dans Blaguebolle, troupe de clowns musiciens, pour une aventure de créations collectives et de tournées qui durera quatre années, jusqu’à la création du GRIM. Était alors également présent dans Goah, aux percussions (congas et balafon), mon grand ami Christian Tarting, avec qui je partage l’espace du rêve musical, entre explorations et rencontres communes (notamment celle de Barre Phillips, déjà présent dans le sud de la France).

Avec Christian et mon frère aîné, nous nous irriguons de la totalité de la musique autant que faire se peut dans un Marseille provincial où peu de concerts ont lieu, et nous passons des heures et des heures chez les disquaires ou à refaire le monde. Peu de concerts alors vus à Marseille, néanmoins fondateurs pour moi : Soft Machine avec Robert Wyatt encore en capacité de jouer la batterie (et chantant déjà un « Moon In June » historique) ; l’Art Ensemble Of Chicago, pour leur première tournée européenne (public abasourdi et standing ovation après plusieurs secondes de silence suspendu) ; le grand orchestre de Sun Ra avec cracheur de feu. Plus quelques concerts organisés au Théâtre Toursky par Jazz Action Marseille pendant sa courte durée de vie.

Un grand appétit, une jeunesse dévorante, un sentiment de grand manque à Marseille et d’urgence à créer, voilà ce qui m’a amené à penser, avec André et Christian, à monter une structure qui s’emploie à combler ces manques : lieu de créations entre musiciens d’expression improvisée, innovante, qui donne à entendre à Marseille des musiques peu ou pas représentées (voir la programmation des premières années du GRIM). En s’appuyant aussi sur l’expérience de la structure théâtrale acquise à Blaguebolle, dans lequel j’ai entrainé André au bout d’un an ; et sur l’expérience artistique de notre duo, Nommo, avec lequel nous avions déjà fait une série de concerts avec Raymond Boni en invité au Mini-Théâtre de Marseille, puis un disque, Dans le caprice amer des sables, pour le label Palm…  

Nous étions convaincus que pour aller plus loin dans la proposition des musiques improvisées et de création, il nous fallait nous regrouper, créer une synergie et une structure, avoir un local, une place dans la ville, et pourquoi pas une aide institutionnelle, notre projet remplissant une case vide dans le panorama marseillais. Alors nous sommes partis en 1978 à la recherche de musiciens susceptibles d’être des partenaires de création. Et nous avons trouvé Jean-Marc, à l’époque guitariste du groupe Eau Noire, plutôt rock expérimental – il nous a semblé déjà très ouvert sur bien d’autres choses et plein de possibilités. Et le duo de saxophones de David et Lionel, que pour ma part j’avais entendu en concert dans les locaux du tout récent GMEM, au 44 rue des Dominicaines, dans l’immeuble même où nous obtiendrons les premiers locaux du GRIM, et dans lequel j’avais perçu des accents « braxtoniens » qui me semblaient en adéquation avec le projet.

Une troisième dimension s’est très vite imposée dans notre réflexion : la sensibilisation et  l’enseignement que nous avons installés dès la première année d’existence du GRIM. Et, grand bonheur, Guy Longnon, professeur de la classe de jazz du Conservatoire de Marseille (première classe de jazz de France en Conservatoire, grâce à Pierre Barbizet), était prêt à s’associer à l’aventure en donnant quelques heures de cours, à devenir le Président de l’association, à jouer la figure de respectabilité et de caution aux côtés de notre bande de doux dingues rêveurs, à nous soutenir pour une curiosité, une intuition et une ouverture d’esprit qui n’ont jamais cessé de m’épater.

C’est moi qui ai trouvé et proposé le nom de GRIM, et, partant en 1978 à la recherche de toutes les forces vives prêtes à s’associer au projet, nous nous trouvons en décembre, date officielle de la création du GRIM, avec les musiciens précités, ainsi que Régine Bidault (pour la promotion et l’administration), Jacqueline Ripart (pianiste) et Christian Tarting.

André Jaume : En 1978, je ne voulais plus jouer de la musique alimentaire, plutôt me consacrer à la musique créative, ce que j’ai effectivement fait avec le batteur Gérard Siracusa dans Blaguebolle. C’est alors que j’ai rencontré Jean-Marc avec qui j’ai pensé monter une association, afin de se regrouper et d’être plus fort, à la manière de l’AACM de Chicago. Nous ne voulions pas que le mot « jazz » apparaisse, du coup nous avons opté pour l’acronyme GRIM, qui rappelle le GMEM dont Jean-Marc, Gérard et moi étions proches, par le biais de Michel Redolfi, Jacques Diennet et Lucien Bertolina.

Nous voulions principalement pouvoir jouer, progresser, inviter des musiciens extérieurs à la ville, faire des concerts, créer un public ouvert à des musiques peu présentes à Marseille. Antoine Bourseiller avait ouvert la voie en invitant Barre Phillips, Anthony Braxton, Sun Ra, Soft Machine. Il nous fallait aussi avoir un local pour nous réunir et répéter.

David Rueff : Il me semble avoir d’abord rencontré Jean-Marc, qui m’avait invité dans un groupe de free jazz, Eau Noire. Aucun de nous ne savait trop jouer, mais pour la musique que nous pratiquions, ça n’était pas d’une importance capitale. En même temps j’étais au conservatoire, en saxophone. J’y étais entré pour suivre la voie de Michel Portal, Prix du Conservatoire de Paris. Malheureusement, cette classe était catastrophique – un prof bassoniste à l’opéra, pratiquant le saxophone à temps perdu et totalement ignare de sa technique de base… On y travaillait les doigts, mais rien de ce qui constitue les fondements de la musique, comme le son et le rythme. Sans parler d’un répertoire oscillant entre le pompier et le super pompier. J’étais quand même fier d’être au Conservatoire ! Il m’a toutefois fallu aller voir ailleurs pour en connaître un peu plus. J’y ai quand même rencontré un autre saxophoniste, lui aussi à la recherche d’autre chose, Lionel Dublanchet. On s’est mis à jouer ensemble à longueur de journée, on composait ensemble, on improvisait, on buvait des cafés au Garibaldi et on cherchait des filles. On a monté un duo : Oligophone. Petit à petit, on a bénéficié d’une petite renommée sur Marseille et sa proche banlieue. On écoutait tout : Bach, Stockhausen, Sun Ra, Eric Dolphy, King Crimson, Colette Magny, Brahms, Duke Ellington – tout ! À Marseille, les musiciens à la mode, c’était Hervé Bourde, André Jaume, Gérard Siracusa, les frères Palmi… Le monde était petit..., ..., ...

( André Jaume, par là )

[lyricssongs2021]

Jockey Women's Cotton Seamless Shaper Bra

Jockey Women’s Cotton Seamless Shaper Bra

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[princeandrogyne]

this... uh. probably isn't an incredibly hope inspiring message now that I think about it, but I wanted to say I relate a lot to your blog. your blog looks like my unpublished notes app ramblings, the random bullshit I type out to myself, I just don't have the self-esteem to publish it anywhere. I don't expect anyone to care, I guess.

sometimes I feel like my life would be better if I knew I wasn't the only person like me, if I knew someone like me shared my struggles and had that same sort of "thing" festering in them like it does in me. anger, dissatisfaction, yearning, something. wanting to pass like a man while knowing it's impossible without blowing up all my beliefs, all of my living situation, all of my pride. feeling unlovable just because I rolled the shit 50% odds and it just so happens something in me decided I could never be happy. a computer programmed to fail. an animal wired to throw away their survival instinct. I guess this is me saying that I sort of see that in you? god, that's sort of weird. sorry if it comes out weird!

I wonder if knowing you're less alone is actually helpful. I used to think I was alone, just because the people around me were so unlike me that I made a skill out of learning how to act just like them, even though I consciously knew they'd never know me. I know I'm not, obviously. it'd be a bit self centered to think that, probably. it's partially comforting to know that I'm really not unique. exactly like the other girls, so to speak. but I don't know! I don't know if it's good to know I'm not special and my problems are not unique but also the people who are just like me haven't exactly found the solution to any of those shared struggles either!

anyway, out of some weird desire to offer advice and a kind word, I guess I ended up in your inbox! I wanted to write some helpful things, partially because I sort of wanted to, in a roundabout way, give advice to myself too. then, I realized I couldn't think of anything to say. I don't know how to help myself either. it's just been a lot of escapism and coping mechanisms for my worst problems, pretending like I'm better than other people (sometimes I am) for being able to at least be self-aware, to have shame and the ability to accept reality. the thing is, I see reality. and it's shit! being a dysphoria-filled, inexplicably weird but not in an easily medicated way, unappealing in looks to the majority of the world, no five year career goals like everyone else, too young to have fallen in love or experienced life fully but always on the brink of feeling sick of it all, just frankly outcast female homosexual, is not like... the best place to be as a 19 year old! and I have no idea what to actually do about it other than just find reasons to keep living despite it all. just let it happen and force myself to make others care about me because I really do care more about what other people think of me than myself. I'd be sad if other people were sad because I killed myself or whatever. terrible practice probably I do not recommend but uhhh I lost the thread here. basically. sorry. I really opened this tab with intention to be helpful and it sort of became a pity fest.

I don't know. does it mean anything if an internet stranger says they see you? they perceive your pain and they might even feel like they understand? that she knows what it's like? does "you are not alone" actually mean anything? I never thought it did, it feels hollow always since I know the people saying it never mean it. but to me I suppose right now it means enough to write this grossly honest and probably huge pain in your inbox (you are more than welcome to toss it out. I'm not gonna save this text anywhere either so fully feel free to help me to create some lost media lol). it's just that something about your blog presence speaks to me...and that may be the cringest thing I've typed on tumblr. shockingly. wow, anon makes it so much easier to speak. is this what honesty looks like?

I won't waste too much more of your time if you've already read this all. I hope things get better for you. I don't know what that would look like, but I hope it looks like something real and fulfilling and warm and wonderful and it proves every self doubt and desperately loathing impulse within you wrong. and if anything, at least know your personality through text is readable and impactful and perhaps gives psychic damage to certain people who like to think and talk too much. have a good one.

People who aren’t like us also do care, I’ll let you know. If someone demonstrates an issue it’s kind of human nature to care for them, often even with no prior attachments. I get outreach from a lot of people on here who are worried. The only issue is that there’s just not a whole lot people can do behind a screen besides offer anecdotes and time and patience and a promise of understanding. 

It’s not weird you see those bad and strange sort of things in me. I always figured I was built to be an example for other people. “This is what a suicidal person looks like. This is how they will act and how you need to treat them. This is how to react when they die. ” etc etc i always thought i wasn’t built to be here and I’m a living fluke in the system. I definitely feel the “computer programmed to fail.” i was diagnosed with depression when i was 5 or 6, I believe i was born with it. Not even going to touch the autism within this conversation. I do genuinely also believe i was born in the wrong body but I’m swallowing it the best I can. Sometimes strange identities still emerge a bit like vomit - coming from a sickness and humiliating me. Cleaned up hastily so no one else has to see. I don’t know. I don’t like my body. 

You might be exactly like some girls, but there are statistically very few of us in these familiar situations. I think it’s hard for us to recognize that there are some of us who are older too. Who have made it a little further. I’m unsure if you’re 19 like me as mentioned due to the wording but i digress… its becomes harder to recognize someone who is you when you are out of there because I think we change. Drastically. But I’m not sure that’s just a theory. 

I am thankful you reached out. Even if you think you hadn’t much to offer, this was very kind. You were honest and you reached out in recognition to give anything you thought you could. 

Something different about us is that i don’t care if people are sad if I kill myself. I feel maybe pity towards anyone who might or worry for some individuals, but I know once I’m dead it wipes that all away. It’s a release of tension in my eyes. Regardless, i understand the aspect of continuing existence despite it all.

I don’t usually like when people say they see me in themselves or they relate. You’ve done a good job. I feel sort of proud to be thought similar to anyone who would spend this much time on someone like me. Sort of a complicated concept. I hope you stick around on my blog and learn more about me and maybe even communicate further. 

Being told my personality is impactful is going to give me a big head, thank you so much. I’m not doing this because I have self-esteem btw it’s because I’m dumb as rocks and also because for some reason openly sharing every issue I have on a semi-private-from-IRL platform is the only way I can get myself to journal. Anyway I think I had a point, but it’s lost so thank you just thank you. I love you, whoever you are.

[sarkari-update-com]

Johnson’s Baby Lotion 500ml Price: (as of - Details) Baby soft skin, all day longNon greasy formula for quick absorptionClinically mildness provenMade with natural plant oilRecommended by doctorsPh balanced and hypoallergenicNo added parabens, sulfates or dyes

[mamusiq]

Sidney Bechet and Claude Luter

 Petite Fleur - Paris, 1952

Sidney Bechet and Claude Luter And His Orchestra:

Sidney Bechet (ss), Guy Longnon, Claude Rabanite (tp), Bernard Zacharias (tb), Claude Luter (cl), Christian Azzi or Raymond Fol (p), Roland Bianchini (b), Moustache (d)

Paris, January 31 -- March 12, 1952

"Petite Fleur" by Sidney Bechet

[cobracommanderofficial]

wait you made your blog on my 15th birthday? finally, a decent present....ａ ｆｒｉｅｎｄ

What a fucking twist!! No problem longnon!

[princeandrogyne]

augh wow I am flattered(?) shocked(?) a variety of other adjectives(?) that you even read the wildly self-indulgent thing I wrote!

take your time, I'll be here. i'm good at being patient, if I wasn't good at it, I don't know where I'd be lmao

and if you end up deciding to not publish anything, know I totally get it! of course I get it! i'm the one hiding behind anon after all. really really just appreciate you gave the time of day to hear me out. sending well wishes at you and hope you have a good morning/evening whatever time zone you're at and/or what time you see this!

~ from that one person who wrote a shit ton of words in your inbox and again really wants to reiterate thanks for listening

Self-indulgence is always welcome on my blog. thank you for the well-wishes. If you see this first know I responded in full to your previous anon. I always have the time of day for people with kind intentions. Thank you.