#lol I guess part of me was still thinking abt this

[ardentpoop]

not posting the full version of this bc ppl do insane and unproductive jared vs jensen discourse w/ certain soundbites but yeah this was clearly true at least for a time; jared got first billing as the show started with sam as the main character (however you want to define that; people do insane and unproductive discourse with this too though it is simply an observable fact - I wish everyone cared to discuss the shift over the seasons instead in a non-combative and truthful way.) possibly also had to do w/ jared having more name recognition than jensen had at the time that they were both hired - like yeah jensen was an up-and-coming soap star but jared debuted on another “flagship” WB show (GG) and the last project he worked on before he started supernatural was house of wax which was a decently talked-about film albeit for all the wrong reasons when it initially came out.

I was poking around in old fan forums last night and saw some unverified stuff abt jensen’s agent having tried to get jensen’s pay updated to match jared’s after the first year of the show but the request being declined bc their contracts were set for X number of years. if I had to guess I would say this pay discrepancy probably existed for at least 3 years. I highly doubt they didn’t work something out during one of the (surely many) contract renegotiations that followed esp since jensen has publicly spoken abt being the one to - for example - get it into both his and jared’s contracts that they were to be driven to and from set rather than being expected to drive themselves. he had sway on that set well before the end this much is incredibly obvious.

anyway this is literally all just rpf fodder to me and frankly I find it deeply embarrassing when fans start sniping at each other over how Their Guy is better bc he Makes More Money or Better Headlines or whatever. these r my painted dolls from fuckass hollywood I only care abt the details of their work lives bc I’m plugging them into the interpersonal angst machine for my own amusement and that of the maybe 2 ppl who aren’t too bitter and wastefully celeb-blinded to enjoy my characters based on the actors.

[sainteclectic]

and btw since I'm posting a lot of wholesoul content (intended as platonic but still), i do want to make it clear: my analysis of whole as a character is purely within the narrative of the story! while i am aware that behind the metaphors is whole is cj himself, that's never what i'm writing whole as in my work. basically I'm using the internal logic of the fiction (whole as viewed by the characters in the album) rather than the reason for the fiction existing (as a fictionalized version of chonny's mental state), just like i do with all the other characters. it's important to make that distinction when you're dealing with a piece of fiction so heavily based on the creator i think. I'll never use cj as a basis for how I write whole because I find that a little off putting tbh ^^;

basically I'm playing with touys. ok? play touys with me

[puppppppppy]

its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously

[holoship]

rewatching blood hungry makes me desperate 2 write terrible incomprehensible posts abt cm series 1 + 2 and psychosis/schzospec stuff and spencer <3

[voxxian]

i literally only come here when i have a meltdown occasionally lol i miss when i was a happy kid on this account but that will stay where it was made like 3000 pages ago

[sundial-bee-scribbles]

In case it's hard to read/understand: "If I had a nickel for every time I had a story with a blonde girl named after a plant, who has a German father and a French mother but absolutely hates said mom, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice."

weird, extremely-specific tropes in my stories: pt 1

[seaofreverie]

So busy with Sparkstember that I almost forgot that I go back to school on tuesday

[depresseddepot]

I'm trying to find ways to slowly ease my way into taking walks (debilitating social anxiety) so I was going to download pokemon go again but my phone is too old :(

[arolesbianism]

I'm starting to see ppl talk abt updating their artfight pages and at first I was like what why it's still months away and then it hit me that by months it was two months and now I'm just silently sweating as my anual side project to remake the eternal gales refs and give them all icons comes back to haunt me

[kalashtars]

things I've bought in the last 24 hours: hyperfixation edition

[welcometoteyvat]

ok very interesting quest in hsr

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[landscaping-your-mind]

BIRTHDAY POSTING!!!!!!

Content warnings: Detailed descriptions of suicide attempts, brief self-harm.

(Bit of a downer, but don’t worry, it’s got a nice ending.)

I tried to kill myself the first time when I was 12.

It was a stupid way of killing myself, but I was fully prepared to. I wrote a note and put it in my desk, I went outside in winter without a coat — one of my friends asked why, I said I was curious as to how long I could last in a Canadian winter without a coat. I was fine, when we went inside. I planned to stand outside the whole night when I got home. But I didn’t. The next day I tore the note up.

The second time I tried to kill myself I was 13.

It was less of an attempt and more of a… very almost attempt. I was going to drown myself in the bath, but my friends said “hey! no! we love you!” so I didn’t.

When I was 14 to 15 I contemplated suicide a lot.

I’d sit on the balcony every night and think about jumping off. I’d write suicide notes. I never tried. Just… it was ever present, lurking in my mind.

When I was 15, I tried to kill myself the third time.

It was after a fight with my mom, I was angry, I was upset, I didn’t want to live anymore.

I’m not sure who I was more angry at — me or my mom — but I was angry. I was upset. I was scared. So I went to the medicine cabinet and drank 8 tylenol. The maximum you’re supposed to take in a day.

It would never have killed me, it’s too low a dose. I didn’t even end up going to the hospital.

I went to sleep, and the next day, I was terrified. I went to my sister, I told her, I had a really awkward conversation with my parents, I read Heartstopper the whole day.

On 29 November 2022, I messaged a suicide hotline for the first time. I didn’t attempt anything. On 17 February 2023, I messaged a suicide hotline for the second time. On 3 May 2023 I messaged a suicide hotline and it was full, but I didn’t attempt suicide, I hurt myself, but I didn’t try to die. On 18 May 2023 I messaged a suicide hotline when I didn’t actively want to die, and I got support.

On 27 July 2023, I type this. I didn’t think I’d make it this far.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I tried to kill myself when I was 12 and I’m turning 16.

Tomorrow is my birthday and I’m alive. And I’m going to try to keep it that way.

[kuiinncedes]

bro

[felidthing]

i just had a very long complicated dream about some very ooc homestuck kids. jade might be rooted in some form of fanon at least but i dunno

[dan-crimes]

I will say going from Anarchy Battle to Turf War is so refreshing bcuz I literally don't care abt Turf War at all I do not need to be good or try to win and the objective is to just ink the floor or do whatever the hell you want really if you don't win bcuz u wanted to play battle royale instead THAT'S LITERALLY FINE JUST HAVE FUN WITH IT like you can just do silly little things and it is FINE it is FUN