#logan with all due respect what the FUCK does this mean

[icarusredwings]

Thinking about how canon it is that Logan's cptsd and truama is so bad that his brain quite literally just DIPS sometimes like in days of future past when he blinks out and Charles is the one who calms him down.

How he grabs charles up and growls at him that he dosn't know who he is, where he is, or how he got here. He sees one of his best friends in the future and screams "What the fuck is that!?"

Charles and Hank just look at him like bruh weve been over this already. He says "Ill handle this," while looking at Logan when talking to Hank, then tells Hank to go stop Erik.

Logan recognizes this as Charles having authority over this big blue beast of a man, somewhat submitting to his word, litsening that he is infact 'Logan' and that he's spent the last couple of days with them (establishing that they are friends not foe) and then- in the most pathetic way ever- Lies to him. Tells him he's on "really bad acid"

Logan is still very spooked but just gives a little nod.

This is the quickest I've seen ANYONE gain his trust when in states like this other than Jean and Kurt, who was stupid enough to bear hug the feral woods man charging at him with his claws out.

Kurt is one of the few people without telepathy (even though Charles sacrificed his for his legs) who can get to Logan very quickly with minimal damage.

And I feel like... Wade might be just as stupid. He's so stupid that Logan would growl at him, shove a fist full of knives right through him, and Wade would just stand there like "ouch. Anyway- what's got you all riled up, peanut?"

So he'd do it again. And again. Annndd again.

When he finally does think Wade is dead, he just gasps and sits back up. "Look if this is about what I did with your toothbrush-"

Logan could decapitate him, and still he would just chase after his head like, "Aaw not cool man, do you know how much it hurts to put this thing back on? 3 days of neck pain, that's what."

It would both freak logan out and confuse him enough to become grounded, that shock factor of "what the fuck just happened???" enough to regulate his heart.

Logan would stare at him, baffled, watching as he sits there and tries to reattach his head. He'd look at his bloody claws, look at the mess on the floor, blink a few times, and honestly might start batting at his head with pure curiousity.

"Oh my god, you're such a cat."

How was he talking still? Maybe he was sleeping. Yeah, that's it. He was dreaming. This was a dream.

The only real issue he would have is keeping Logan inside the apartment until he calmed enough to realize that this wasn't a dream- this is real- you just decapitated your room mate.

Because god knows that once you set a feral wolverine free? You won't find him again until he wants to be found, which can be weeks, months, years even.

He needs that soft authority. The type that's built on mutual trust and respect. The type where he has the ability to leave and return at his own will. The moment you try to pin him down, tell him that you have higher authority due to some made-up rank, that's when you lose him. Logan subconsiously has an animalistic based sense of authority and hierarchy.

Charles had "control" over this blue beasty creature, and to Logan, that means he's head hancho in that moment. It makes Logan recognize that there's a reason, too, seeing as Beast could easily destroy such a scrawny pathethic looking man, right? It's only natural for his systems to lay out like this. Having constantly battled for "dominance" with Victor also plays a part.

Despite being in the military for so long, hearing someone is captain does not add up in his head unless they deserve to be captain through strength or size. It's why while Wade (who technically is stronger than him) dosn't show agression to "prove" his status, Logan realizes that his claws being usless plays a big part.

It's like when you go to fight a battle in a video game only to realize that your fire powers do absolutely no damage on the fire based enemy, if anything, fueling it by giving it more fire.

A "aw shit sorry fam my bad" type of submission such as wolves do. While usually related, juvenile males will still try to prove dominance with the top male only for the top male to quickly remind them why they are boss in which case the juvenile wolf will be like "Damn sorry- My bad original gangster I was just being silly"

Logan also needs a reason to stay. Charles telling him that logan has stayed with them makes Logan believe he should stay with him longer.

He needs that beacon. And right now?

That talking head that he's pushing around on the floor is pretty entertaining.

"...how are you talking?"

"Oof look wolvie I love you're embrassing your true self but let's not open that can of worms The comics are contradicting, and by rights, I shouldn't be able to control my limbs anymore, but I can. Now- be a big, strong kitty cat and give me back to that handsome man over there, will ya?"

His body is just casually sitting there with his arms out, wanting his head back.

".... i'm so fucking high."

"I wish. If you were high on catnip you wouldn't have sliced me to bits."

"Heh... you're funny."

"Aawww!! Really?"

".... what happens if I punt your head out the window?"

"Woah woaH WOAH PEANUT LETS NOT GO THAT FAR! SAFEWORD!! I NEED THE SAFEWORD!"

But alas. He fogot the safeword.

This has been your PSA that safewords are important. Be safe, kiddos.

[vro0m]

As usual I don't read your F1 post but as usual when I see a word coming often enough in my peripheral vision I get curious. What is Antonelli

Oh god. Okay. (Also why do you still follow my F1 account babe it's flooding your dash with posts you don't have an interest in 😭)

This is Antonelli

As you can tell he's a baby. He turned 18 like 5 seconds ago.

Anyway, he's gonna start F1 next year in Mercedes.

Why does it cause so much discourse that even you have to ask what's going on?

Somewhat long post :

So Mercedes has a free seat because 7 time world champion and overall GOAT of the sport Lewis Hamilton decided to leave for Ferrari in 2025. Now this caused an f1blr meltdown in February because no one saw it coming as he's been with them for over a decade and they've won so many world titles together and he spent the previous year saying he wouldn't leave, but since 2021 Mercedes hasn't been doing so good.

There was a lot of discussion as to who could join Mercedes next but the rumours rapidly pointed to Antonelli.

What's crazy is Antonelli is 1) very young 2) very inexperienced. Usually, drivers will do local competitions (F4) then F3 then F2 then maybe F1. If they are thought to be good enough for F1 while they are in F2 they tend to be hired as "reserve drivers" for F1 teams meaning they work closely with the team, train on the simulator, take part in test drives sometimes, overall learn the ropes, and if a driver is for some reason unable to take part in a race, they will replace him.

But Antonelli has only done F4, entirely bypassed F3, was brought into F2 this year and is now gonna join F1 after just one season there. He's not been a reserve driver. He's done his first session in a normal F1 race weekend alongside other F1 driver this weekend and it went like this : lap 1 he's the fastest of them all, lap 2 he crashes in a wall at high speed, end of his session.

So why choose him? Well Toto Wolff the Mercedes team principal has been very annoyed that he let another such very young very unprepared rookie slip his fingers ten years ago : current 3 time world champion, racing prodigy Max Verstappen. Max joined before he was even old enough to have a normal driving license. He too had skipped some steps to F1 although not as many as Antonelli. And although he had a bit of a rocky first few season clearly due to his inexperience, he turned out to be one of the best drivers we have ever seen so far. Some have the feeling that Toto Wolff is trying to forcefully recreate the phenomenon. Even though Max Verstappen is a clear outlier, an exception to the rule rather than an example that bringing young drivers in very fast is a good idea.

Note that Antonelli is said to be extremely talented and that's also why he's been fasttracked to F1 this way. BUT he's underprepared, again very young and facing a huge amount of pressure.

First of all rookies who join F1 are always under pressure because they have very little time to show that they are up to the challenge even though they have barely any experience driving in F1 with cars that are very different from F2 or anything else they've driven up until then. This week, another young driver, Logan Sargeant, was fired mid season in only his second year in F1 because he didn't progress enough. It's over for him and he'll never be back even though those who raced with him in previous formulas say he had more potential than what he was able to show. Many such cases.

Second of all people have been mounting this narrative around Antonelli. Toto wolff, but also journalists. They're acting like he's the next champion. They're calling him Lewis Hamilton's heir for some reason. He has driven 1.5 laps in the current cars so far. It's insane. A generally well respected f1 journalist said yesterday that he hasn't seen f1 this excited about a rookie since fucking Michael Schumacher himself.

So yeah. That's the narrative : the best driver in history leaves his historic team after an unprecedented successful partnership by surprise. The team principal decides he needs another prodigy to replace him and bring his somewhat struggling team back to his former title winning glory. Can't persuade the current prodigy Max Verstappen to leave his own title winning team to join them. Not now, not 10 years ago. Decides to pluck a baby from his cradle to become the next shiny thing. Everybody holds their breath while they wait to see if he'll sink or swim.

[negasonicimagines]

Afraid / Part 5: A Chance Encounter

Wade reunites you with an old friend. The two of you cross paths with another.

“I brought donuts!” Wade cheered, waking you from your fitful sleep. You sat up, rolling your neck and rubbing the sleep from your eyes. “Ellie, meet our fearless leader!”

Eloise chuckled that same chuckle she always did. 

“We’ve met. We were roommates in school. This is what you’ve been up to, huh?” 

You stare blankly. What the fuck has he done? What is he trying to do? What in the absolute-

“Earth to Y/N!” Wade coos. “I remembered what you said about not being as tech-savvy as Datamine, and I figured maybe Negasonic could take over for you so you can focus on what you’re good at. More boots on the ground!”

“Give her a second. She always was a slow riser. Do you still need at least an hour or so on your phone before you get outta bed?” 

“I’ve gotten it down to half an hour on a normal morning,” you admit sheepishly. “Uh, look, I appreciate you being so willing, but I doubt Wade gave you the full breakdown. This position is… Traumatizing, to the uninitiated.”

“I mean, a lot of Weapon X footage has leaked online. Most people think it’s fake, but… yeah. I’ve seen some videos of that and some other stuff. I’ve always had a weird interest in that kind of thing, I guess. Hard to explain. So, you found him. I know we were never close, but that’s the sort of thing that warrants a text. I would’ve been nicer to this jackass if I knew he was your dad.”

“Sorry,” you reply. “I just figured you were busy with work and Yukio and all that.”

“Not too busy to hear that there was a happy ending to that whole saga. But I guess that would make me a hypocrite. When I heard about Theodore, I thought about reaching out and didn’t. I’m sorry. You could’ve used a friend then, with Logan being MIA. I just wasn’t sure if you’d want to hear from me, since it had been so long.”

“Always beating yourself up more than anyone else ever could. It’s fine, El- Ellie. I think going through that alone helped me grow as a person, anyways… If you’re sure, though, we can get started now. I have the perfect exemplar for you, actually. Come on.”

You make your way to the multi-monitor setup, sitting while Eloise stands next to you, crouched down to view the monitors. A respectable distance, but still uncomfortably close. You pull up your browser, file explorer, and a hacked version of the Weapon X file sharing program. 

“Okay, so I think this guy might’ve gotten out due to recent sightings, I’ve got this Google Alert set up here like this… If you don’t have enough details on him in our files, try looking him up by his number in the program. Figure out if he has any triggers, who might offer the best approach. In this case, he’s got a misogynistic streak, so Deadpool’s probably gonna be your best option. Determine what he needs to know and what you should keep to yourself. He’s staying in a 20-mile radius, so you’re not necessarily going to need to look into surveillance, but if you do, then you’d just go into this program here, feed it the picture and type in some identifying info… There he is at a Kwik Trip. And just prepare a memo, keep it vague in case it falls into the wrong hands. Never refer to a survivor as a package, though. Weapon X does that – we’re not them.”

“Right, okay… That was a lot, but it seems pretty simple.”

“And Y/N is always available for questions,” Wade adds.��

“I won’t bug you,” Ellie quickly responds. “But, uh… Why do you call him Deadpool?”

“Oh, I call him Wade sometimes.”

“Uh, yeah, okay… But he’s your dad.”

“That’s a very recent development,” you inform her, and she scoffs. 

“You always had the funniest way of phrasing things. I’m sorry I was such a jerk back then. We probably would’ve been better friends if I wasn’t.”

“I knew better than to take it personally,” you assure her. 

“Cool. Uh, so, just like this?” she asks, reaching over you to type a summary of the information in a Word Doc. You lean back, trying to avoid physical contact by all means. She’s as warm as ever, her mutation making her radiate a supernatural aura of heat.

When she’s upright again, you look it over. 

“Yep, perfect. Oh, but let’s nix that part. You know what an ass he can make of himself as well as I do,” you remark. “For right now, I’m avoiding telling Wade who’s personnel and who’s a survivor until he brings them here. I’d suggest you do the same.”

“Right, that makes sense. Can I tell you?”

“I’ve combed through that database about a million times. You might not even stick with us long enough for me to not know.” 

“I don’t know, I kinda like this. Keeps Deadpool out of trouble, you’re getting to work with a team that respects you instead of fearing you, it’s cool. I guess I’m just wondering why I’ve been invited.”

“Well, between you and me, I think Deadpool kinda has a thing for you. You’ve seen Vanessa, right? He likes girls with big brown eyes and attitude.”

“What the-?!”

“Y/N, gross! That is so gross!” Wade cuts her off as you cackle. 

“I’m kidding. I don’t know. Maybe he thinks I don’t have enough friends.”

“Dude, I’ve seen you at Ultraviolet before. You’ve got plenty of friends,” she remarks. 

“Yowch! Slut-shaming from the infamous feminist crusader herself. Maybe I should straighten up my act.”

Eloise snickers. 

“You make so much sense now. But honestly, maybe he was trying to force me to make a friend other than Yukio. You’re not terrible.”

“Not terrible! That’s high praise from you. I should go get properly dressed and all that. You two have fun.” 

You head out, making a beeline for your room. You’re not sure how you accomplished that. Sure, it’s been years, but the second she gave you that ghost of a smile, it felt like yesterday. Tears well up in your cheeks as you try to catch your breath. 

You get dressed in your usual garb, something dark and somewhat professional but comfortable and not too intimidating. You do your makeup, careful not to wipe your tears and smear it. Even if it leads to a greater time investment in the morning, it’s a lot easier to do your makeup and not worry about projecting the image to others. 

You step out and you’re immediately confronted by him. 

“What the hell was that?!”

“I could ask you the same thing!” you argue. 

“You were supposed to tell her!”

“What?!” you ask, laughing in shock. “No! She’s-!” You lower your voice: “She’s happy, okay? There’s no need to ruin that.”

“Whatever. But I’m gonna get my revenge for that fucked-up joke you made.”

“Hey now, you made the most fucked-up joke of all,” you retort, snickering. 

“What? When?”

“Roughly nine months before B/D, a couple of decades or so ago.”

“Hey!” he protests. “Wait, you’re not teaching today?”

“Nah, extracurriculars are on a mixed schedule. There’ll be an after-school session for the team, but my schedule’s open until around 3:30. I’m gonna head back to the office and check on El- Ellie,” you inform him. He trots alongside you. 

“You think she noticed that you stumbled over her name earlier?”

“I know she didn’t,” you remind him. 

“You’re scary,” he playfully commends you. “No wonder she had the hots for you, all spooky and mysteriously powerful. Like one of those paranormal romance novels!”

“No, things were different back then. I was so enthusiastic about… Everything. I swam, played the piano, heck, I was even on the cheer squad for a year, but it wasn’t really my thing. Not a fan of the uniforms – royal blue and gold, ick. Theatre was fun, Ellie and I were actually in a few musicals together.”

“No kidding! What I wouldn’t give for footage of that to lord over her.”

“It exists, but I wouldn’t. If she revisits her memories with me too much, there’s a chance she’ll realize they’ve been altered. She’s smart.”

Halfway there, your path is blocked by a pale, imposing figure. 

“Miss Levi, it’s been a while.”

“Miss Frost,” you reply curtly. “Has it been long enough?”

“Holy shit…” Wade whispers.

“Don’t be that way,” she hums. “It has been long enough. I’ve… Grown. I wanted to apologize to you for the way I handled things when you were younger. And by the way, those glasses really do suit you. They always did. If you need a new pair, my wallet is always open.”

You touch the frames. Shit, you didn’t even realize you were still wearing them. Why didn’t Wade or Eloise say anything?!

“Thank you. I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Of course. It’s nice to finally meet you, Mr. Wilson. I may have some work for you, if you’re interested. Oh! Didn’t like that, did you? I meant actual work; calm down. Considering how well the last private investigator I hired did, I thought you’d be happy to hear that I’m looking for someone else.”

“I’m not a private investigator,” Wade clarifies. 

“You’re a mercenary. You’ll do anything for the right price.”

“And you’ll be respectful. They’re not toys,” you grumble, feeling the icy pinpricks of her cold power on your skin. The way you engage with other telepaths is uniquely strange. You can feel the sensation of their power in a physical way, and the same goes from you to them. You’re guessing Emma felt an ocean wave roll through her and nearly knock her off her feet before. 

Miss Frost sighs. 

“You think you’re better than me just because you treat them like chess pieces instead of dolls. It’s a game either way. Yours just has higher stakes, ones that are mostly self-imposed. It’s nice to see that you’re doing well all the same. We should go out for lunch sometime. My treat, of course.” Miss Frost brushes past you before turning her head and waving goodbye, adding: “Congratulations on securing the king!”

“What the hell was that?”

“My former academic advisor. Mine and Ellie’s, but Ellie got switched over to Colossus after freshman year.”

“I’m guessing she didn’t take too kindly to all of… That.”

“No, she didn’t. Miss Frost tends to see non-psychics as… Lesser, for the most part. She favored me heavily over Ellie, it- It bugged me, too, but Miss Grey and the professor already had a lot on their plates, so we were stuck with each other. I’m grateful for the things she did for me, don’t get me wrong, but… I just don’t see things the way she does. She thinks I’m naive, and I don’t think anything I’m capable of saying or doing would change her mind on that.”

“What makes you naive?”

“Treating you as an equal. Most people. My telekinesis is on a cellular level. Atomic, in theory. That in combination with my telepathic abilities puts me at a level-”

“Omega. That’s what it’s called, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, that’s what it’s called. She’s an omega-level telepath. I am, too. She’s the one who taught me how to read minds, actually. Before, it was just the control – I know of at least one person who’s better than me at that, though. My telekinesis is what makes me omega-level. I’ve even been experimenting with waves,” you inform him, making sure he hears the last word in the ear you’re farthest from. He jumps, giggling. 

“That’s so neat!”

“Thanks. By her logic, though, I should be treating her as if she’s beneath me. But she’s not too in the loop on my telekinesis. It came to me later in life.”

“Oh, like her turning to diamonds. Stress can trigger it, right? That’s why… You know. They induce stress.”

You nod.

“So, what was it?”

“After the verdict. But I didn’t get it down to the cellular level until I saw you for the first time on that computer,” you inform him. “You wanna talk about shattering lightbulbs?”

“No, really?”

“Every single one in the school. And a couple outside. I think I heard someone complain about their headlights being broken, too.”

“Aw! All for little old me!” he coos, grabbing you and lifting you as he squeezes you in a suffocating hug. 

“Jeez, I can’t fuckin’ breathe,” you huff, and he puts you down. 

“Wow. You’re just, like, so cool. Seriously!”

“Let’s hurry up and get to the office.”

“Excited to see her again?”

“Nervous,” you admit. “What if I accidentally-?”

“You won’t. You’re stronger now, right?”

You nod. The two of you make it to Office D quickly, finding Eloise staring at the screen with wide eyes. Damn it. 

“Fuck, I… I tried to tell you.”

“No, no, it’s… Actually, I was curious about the resolved cases. You’ve… You’ve really saved that many people?”

“Well, some of those cases have to do with personnel that had to be… Handled.”

“Oh, okay,” Eloise says, nodding. “Still, this- This is a lot.”

“I’m sure if you had a record like that, it’d look similar,” you assure her. 

“Mutual respect. I know Miss Frost’s a bitch, but get used to it,” Eloise insists. 

“How’d she know we ran into her? It’s like you two are on the same wavelength,” Wade remarks. 

“You two ran into her? Gosh, I remember how obsessed she was with you. I think she just wanted to take credit for you, but it was kinda creepy.”

“There’s a void in her life that she tried to fill with me, but I couldn’t fit in. Kind of like my adoptive parents.”

“Telepaths – always better with the whole psychoanalysis thing,” Eloise remarks. “Anyways, I think I found one for you. You wanna take a look and make sure I’m doing this right?”

“Oh, sure. May I?” you ask, and she gets up, allowing you to take your seat. You read over the summary, seeing which sources she got her information from. “Yeah, perfect. You catch on quick. I’ll get right on that.”

You print out the memo and grab it before getting out of the chair. Oh, you are so back. You can’t wait to suit up this evening and get back out there. 

“I don’t get chess metaphors,” Wade whines. 

“Huh?” Ellie asks, looking up from the computer. 

“Something Miss Frost said when we ran into her,” you clarify. “She invited me to lunch and congratulated me on… Ugh, how dramatic.”

“Ah, chess. Remember how she used to make us play over and over?”

“Yeah.”

“You always won. I hated you for that.”

“I know. You never believed I wasn’t making you make bad moves.”

“I was a sore loser,” Eloise admits. “I’m surprised you never joined the team, though. They definitely could’ve used you.”

“Everyone wants to use me,” you reply. “That’s why I stick to myself these days.”

“Fuck, yeah, that- That makes sense. I always knew it was a burden on some level to have that kind of power, but it really does affect everything in your life, doesn’t it? At least it’s easier to know who to trust.”

“Except for him. And my biological mother. No idea what’s going through their heads.”

“And Theodore,” Eloise says softly. 

“And Theodore. But he was a little too young to have mastered lying, so it wasn’t too difficult.”

“You should take Wade to his gravesite if you haven’t already. I see it when Yukio and I visit Rob, it’s really- I mean, when you’re ready, you should. Sorry, I get ahead of myself sometimes.”

“No, that’s a… That’s a good idea.” You turn to Wade. “I was just thinking about going to lunch, do you wanna do that and then go?”

“Sure,” Wade says. “Yeah, that’s- Sure.”

You used to read to all of the children, creating illusions in the air to accompany the stories and using your abilities to make them less restless. It brought you joy to comfort them, the ones who were even younger than you were when their mutations manifested. 

When Teddy came along, though, you had to focus on him. He was in a private room in the medbay. Nothing could be done for him other than giving him nutrients and hydration through an IV, and some medication to ease his pain. 

But you tried to do something for him. A private bedtime story session. He couldn’t see your illusions, you couldn’t ease his fear or pain, but you could read and keep him company.

“One more,” he’d say. And there was always one more, even if you had to text Logan and ask him to grab another from the library. 

“One more,” he said that night. “Just one last one.”

“It’s not the last one. Maybe we should start doing chapter books,” you suggested. “I could read to you until you fall asleep, and the next night you can tell me the last thing you remember.” 

“I think this is gonna be the last one this time. I really don’t feel good. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. Just get cozy, and I’ll read to you. It’ll be okay.”

“You’re a good sister. I’m gonna miss you.”

“I’ll miss you, too, Teddy. What do you want me to read?”

“Goodnight Moon.” Of course. It was his favorite after all. 

“In the great green room, there was a telephone, and a red balloon, and a picture of– The cow jumping over the moon. And there were three little bears sitting on chairs, and two little kittens, and a pair of mittens, and a little toyhouse, and a young mouse. And a comb and a brush and a bowl full of mush… And a quiet old lady who was whispering: ‘Hush.’ Goodnight room.”

“Goodnight room,” Teddy echoed, his always-tired eyes looking even sleepier. 

“Goodnight moon,” you continued. “Goodnight, cow, jumping over the moon. Goodnight, light and the red balloon. Goodnight, bears. Goodnight, chairs. Goodnight, kittens, and goodnight, mittens. Goodnight clocks, and goodnight, socks. Goodnight, little house, and goodnight, mouse. Goodnight, comb, and goodnight, brush. Goodnight, nobody. Goodnight, mush. And goodnight to the old lady whispering: ‘Hush.’ Goodnight, stars, Goodnight, air. Goodnight noises, everywhere.” 

You heard the ringing of his heart flatlining, and closed the book. You could hardly blink, let alone get up from the chair. You just sat and watched him grow cold before the night staff finally made their way to him, gently lifting him and placing him on a stretcher to be taken to the county morgue.

[ask-stjerne-and-logan]

Does Stjerne and Logan get tired of fighting Salem? Wouldn’t it be better to just let her win? I mean what’s the worst she could do?

Logan:......

Stjerne: Dude.... with all due respect, WHAT THE FUCK are you suggesting?? That we abandon our mission??

Logan: Okay, okay, time to calm down! *quickly de-escalates the situation* To answer your question, Anon, we can't afford to let Salem win. She's everything we're against and if she won, then we will have failed at our mission, which is to protect Humanity and ensure that they unite themselves, if that's even what fate has in store. To answer the first question though, Stjerne and I haven't been in this fight for very long. It's only been like.... what, 2 years? 3?

Stjerne: Let's go for 2 1/2 years.

Logan: Yeah, 2 1/2 years, which isn't very long. So it's safe to say we're far from tired. Sure, peace would be nice, but that's not an option at the moment. If the battle went on for 10 years, then yeah, we would get tired, but otherwise, we're pretty much good.

Stjerne: Yeah, I think we can hold our own a while longer :>

[albatris]

do you have the meanings of the songs on the atdao playlist written out somewhere? NO PRESSURE im just. fascinated by how ppl make playlists and also im in love with atdao

hi! playlist anon again! just realized this playlist is. very very long so. i am not going to ask you to explain it all ghdfhdkfhsfds. what i AM going to do is put all these songs on my work playlist because you have very good music taste thank u so much

AHAHA I’M SO SORRY oh my god, yeah, it’s long. it’s so long. I have a playlist problem. I absolutely do. not even going to try to deny that

and like, we can joke about this, absolutely, for sure, but me writing out in excruciating detail the specific meanings behind each of the 150+ songs on this playlist….. that is 100% in-character for me

like, it’s honestly somewhat surprising to me that I haven’t already done that

ANYWAY MOVING ON

first off, thank you so much for the message!! and the lovely words!! oh gosh

ppl sending me messages about my playlists is an insta-kill straight to my heart like I am on the floor. hello. I’m glad u like the tunes and also my music taste and also atdao. and also I love you. I do! I love you. thank you for this message, it made my entire week

AND HEY if you do have any questions about specific song choices I would be more than happy to answer them!! though a few of my choices are a mystery even to me and others I might have to respond to with “it’s a secret” or “the reason I included this song is super fucking cheesy and I don’t want 2 say” hahahaha

ALSO SINCE YOU MENTIONED you were interested in how people make playlists I can talk a lil (very briefly) about my general song-picking process under the cut although it may not offer any grand insights

so on a surface level songs that end up on the playlist fall into the following categories:

plot songs 

character songs

theme songs (like, songs to do with the themes, not, like… theme songs)

general atmospheric vibey songs

“I literally spent an hour scouring this book and all its contents trying to find a plot-relevant excuse to include this ABBA song and then I said fuck it and threw it in there anyway because it’s a banger” songs 

but within those there are also further subcategories such as and by no means limited to

songs that evoke the same emotional response in me that I want to evoke with this particular story/scene/interaction/description/etc 

This Song Might Be An Interesting Direction To Take The Plot But I Haven’t Decided Yet

not literal canon, but canon as it pertains to Tris’s psychosis, so like, canon But On A Different Layer

there’s a huge fucking hole in my outline and all I know is that this song fits in it perfectly

I imagine this song in the movie soundtrack in my self-indulgent daydreams

literally only three lines of this song are relevant but they’re really really good lines

so like

my WIP playlists used to be a lot more unruly before I opened them up for people to actually listen to, like, there used to be all manner of super irrelevant songs floating around on the atdao playlist that I just tossed in there on various whims

now I’ve cut waaaay back on the “this song is barely relevant at all but I just like including it” songs and the “this song invites interesting and relevant daydreams but doesn’t have anything to do with the actual story” songs and the “this is a weird AU I had one time” songs and I would say like….. about 91% of the stuff on the playlist has actual on-page concrete relevance?

most of the songs have actual on-page concrete relevance! which is a big achievement for me

except for the ABBA songs

but they’re allowed to do whatever they want because they’re ABBA

anyway what I’m saying is there’s all kinds of reasons to choose a song for a playlist! you can throw in whatever you like, if certain songs help you daydream or just give you the right vibes or just Feel Right, then that’s cool! the world is your oyster, you can do whatever!

I’ve just tried to cut down on the doing-whatever since people actually look at this playlist ahahahaha

for me playlists are for exploration and adventure and looking at things from different angles! so I try not to focus on being like “this is my story and I have to find things that fit it exactly” because then ur list becomes a very restrictive box. u gotta… u gotta just get wild with it and look for all the strange and pointy angles. playlists are for growing flowers 

thanks for coming to my ted talk!

[the-friendliest-freak]

Autistic/ADHD Wolverine Headcanons

These can be taken for most Wolverines, except for a few which are based on specific versions

HATES loud noises. Hates em. Has asked Beast to fit his mask with mufflers multiple times so he doesn’t have to cover his ears every time a car explodes or siren goes off

Smooth foods are the devil. He really despises anything that isn’t chewy, which is why he usually eats meat.

Special interests include histoy, mostly stuff to do with ancient cultures. Will talk your ear off about feudal Japan, don’t you worry

Cyclops pisses him off because he never bothers to say what he means, and Wolverine really struggles trying to articulate this. E.g. Cyclops tells Wolverine to “deal” with a threat, intending for Wolverine to just knock them out, Wolverine misunderstands this because Cyke didn’t tell him what to do at all, ends up doing the wrong thing, gets yelled at, rinse your hands and repeat

Loves saying “snikt” as a stim. However, due to societal pressures, he smokes instead to get a similar effect.

Only uses one brand of cigar consistently. If someone offers one, he’ll take it because it’s better than nothing, but he won’t buy any other kind other than the one he has. Is it old? Yes. Is it not even that good? Yes. But it’s routine.

Wolverine and the X-Men centred: Emma Frost slowly realised Wolverine was on the spectrum, and started treating him the same way she would one of her neurodivergent students, but still with the respect she would give an adult (and the no-shit-taken attitude she has with him). Wolverine didn’t know why Emma was suddenly so interested in trying to ‘get’ him, and after confronting her proceeded to flip his entire fuck when she told him why. He didn’t hit her, it was barely even directed at her. He just angrily stammered for five minutes and rambled to the ceiling while pacing back and forth before going away for two days. Emma and Logan then proceeded to have little sessions where she would teach him the coping mechanisms she had taught her own students

He also has a bad habit of eating his own cigars whenever he’s stressed. He’ll be chewing on it, thinking about something, and then suddenly whoopsie-doodle it’s gone and now his throat tingles. Sometimes he does it intentionally, much to the disgust of the other X-Men.

Scratches himself a lot. It’s both a stim and a nervous tic from the adamantium transfer, where he, for days after, would constantly itch and claw at his skin to try and alleviate the painful sensations

Wolverine also tends to gnaw at himself. Due to his healing factor, evidence of this is difficult to find, but he’ll randomly bite at his own skin until it bleeds, sometimes seeming unaware of the fact he’s doing it

Ok last stimming one: his dog tags. They’re his comfort item and a stim. He’ll fiddle with them when he’s anxious, and sometimes he’ll even chew on them. The latter is incredibly easy to notice despite him having his hand over his mouth to not arouse suspicion, due to the sound of metal grinding against metal

This one is more centred on the movies, specifically Origins: only Sabretooth knows. He knew Logan was diagnosed with something when they were young, and later found out it was likely some form of neurodivergence that no one in the 1800s really knew about. When they were younger, Logan got really attached to Creed since Creed would explain things to him in a blunt manner, which was a far cry from and much easier to understand than the flowery language of everyone around him

Goes non verbal a heck ton, usually only talking in grunts and growls. He isn’t intentionally trying to be rude, but he’s stopped caring wether or not people think he is.

Has a habit of suddenly jerking back his neck or cracking his knuckles pretty aggressively mid-conversation surely for the Sensory GoodnessTM

Loves rain. And I mean loves rain. He always acts really chill whenever it’s raining outside, since the noise is calming to him. Thunder and lightning spook him, though he won’t admit it

He was scared absolutely shitless when he first saw fireworks. Half was because of war flashbacks, the other was IT’S TOO DAMN LOUD

Got the word “bub” off of Alpha Flight. When any member would say it, he’d repeat it over and over again under his breath. The word just feels good.

Would rather just…not talk. At all. It’s one of the few benefits he sees to being friends with telepaths - he doesn’t NEED to talk to them.

On rare occasions, when he does talk, it sounds completely incomprehensible. It usually ends with him getting incredibly frustrated since no one can understand what he’s saying

Hates malls. The noises, the smells, the stupid stupid LIGHTS- it’s all awful. He has had a meltdown inside of one; it ended with him curled up in a ball inside a clothes rack, practically pulling at his hair with his eyes screwed shut. The X-Men that came with him - Storm, Rogue, and Jubilee - were looking for him for hours. It took them a good few minutes to coax him out, since it was like he couldn’t hear them. Xavier was furious at Wolverine’s “immature behaviour in a public place” and decided sensory overload training would have to be added to the Danger Room’s capabilities. (Because Charles is an asshole)

I’ll add more later I dunno

[slimeypuppy]

Since Kendall also married Rava in this au, could you write about Rava confronting Stewy about his relationship with Kendall?

Stewy looks out of place in their home, but he sits like its a natural environment, like he's been here countless times that she wasn't aware of. She wouldn't put it past him or Kendall to have been here when she wasn't. It still feels wrong, though, for him to be lounging on her couch dressed to the nines, a harsh contrast to her loungewear and the exhaustion born of taking care of Iverson round the clock with a second baby on the way. Kendall's not helpful at all besides paying for the live-in maid that helps her out so she doesn't go insane.

"Please, Rava, sit?" he implores, not unkindly. "You must be so tired. I'm not here to start a fight."

She does sit down across from him, but only because her feet hurt and she is tired, honestly. She doesn't know why she's doing this. Their second baby isn't even Kendall's, but a donor's, and it's not like Kendall wanted Iverson anyways. They're both grasping at straws of normalcy and as much as Kendall loves and adores their son, he's not made to be a father. He's too much like Logan for that.

"I honestly don't know why you're here. Ken is out of town."

"I know. Don't think I don't keep a very close eye on our boy's whereabouts."

Rava raises an eyebrow at the phrasing, but doesn't comment on it. The thing is that she's never been stupid. She was handpicked from a lineup of women with great educations but no burgeoning prospects in an industry. Logan chose her for Kendall because she's smart, pretty, and fits into designer skinny jeans. She's the perfect little machine to pump out an heir, since Roman can hardly be trusted to procreate and Siobhan would rather drop dead than carry a child. It's kind of a fuck you to Logan Roy that her second baby won't be his grandchild in blood. Maybe she shouldn't be a mother any more than Kendall should be a father. The fact remains that she's smart enough to know when there's things that are being kept from her, and Stewy is the world's biggest blind spot because Kendall doesn't talk about him and he has a habit of making himself scarce any time he catches a glimpse of her face or a whiff of her perfume.

"So what is it you want? I'm not letting you take Iverson."

He feigns offense with a hand on his chest. "I have no interest in taking anyone's children. I don't know where that comes from. Just because the Roy family are soulless devourers of mankind doesn't mean I am too. You and me, we're pretty similar, right? Outsiders brought into the orbit."

"We're not the same."

"No."

Although she can't drink, she had poured a polite glass of wine for him that he swirls in its glass now, studying the way it catches the cool toned lighting of the modern designed apartment. She's never seen him drink anything he didn't pour himself, but the gesture is one she's never abandoned in her life. It's more just a ritual, a pretense, to act like they have any reason for civility.

"The main difference between you and me is what makes us useful to Kendall, isn't it?"

"I don't think it's so simple."

Stewy hums. "It is though, I think. I'm not here to insult you, Rava, I want to be clear. I think you're smart and capable, a hell of a lot more so than the firm gives you credit for. I'm just wondering what you're doing here."

"Raising a family," she reminds, but it doesn't feel like she's really even doing that.

"All due respect, Mrs. Roy," he says, spitting the formality like an insult, "but you're nothing to them but a working set of parts. I know you're more than that, and you know it too. You deserve so much better than sitting around, pumping out little babies to carry on the legacy or whatever bullshit it says in that surrogacy contract you call a marriage."

"Get to the point, Stewy."

He reaches into his coat and pulls out an envelope, opening it and rifling through before passing it over to her. The thick, cream colored paper feels expensive to the touch, but the real cost lies in its contents: two passports and two plane tickets.

"Like I said, we're useful in different ways. You're an heir machine, and let's be honest- Kendall doesn't want that, and at some point, Logan's going to realize that your second kid isn't even really a Roy. How do you think that's going to for you? They'll just wrap up your divorce in a pretty boy and send you on your way with a severance package? You're smarter than that, Rava, and I know the last thing you want is for Iverson to be left solely in his father's care."

He gets up to reseat himself next to her, their shoulders brushing as he gestures at the two passports that don't contain either her or Iverson's real names. His cologne is woodsy and earthen, subtle from across the room but much stronger when he's so close. He doesn't seem interested in overpowering her with his presence the way her husband and his family do, but there is something undeniably compelling and in control about his whole demeanor. He's right; she is smart. She's smart enough to know that the fact that she doesn't feel threatened is exactly why he's more dangerous than they are. She's smart enough to know that this lifeline comes with strings. She's smart enough to know that if she runs and doesn't get far away fast enough, or lets her guard down for even a moment in the years to come, it'll be her death.

"You said we're useful in different ways," she says, buying herself more time to think. "What makes you useful? And don't say your 'extraordinary skills' or some bullshit, because that's why Logan's up your ass all the time. What makes you useful to Kendall?"

She looks at his gloved hands and thinks of all the ways that Kendall is the least of her worries. If Kendall ever laid a hand on her -not that she thinks he would- there would be evidence and a clear trail. The rest of the Roy family would have the foresight to hire someone else to do the dirty work, and even now, Stewy is so carefully put together that he could do nearly anything that he felt necessary. He doesn't seem the type to cater to whims, but he strikes her as ruthlessly efficient and loyal to a fault. If Kendall asked him to kill her, not that Rava thinks he would, she has no doubt that Stewy would attend to the task with nothing but professionalism and vigor.

"We make a good team."

"It's more than that, isn't it?"

Then Stewy shrugs, and pulls a second envelope from his coat, this one thicker. It's not surprising that when she opens it, there's a thick wad of cash, all high bills culminating in an amount that would make her dizzy if she counted it. She has plenty of money in her bank account now, but if she's really going to leave, she'll have to either drain it or it'll get frozen- or they'll use it to track her. This is a safety net.

"I suppose it is. I've been working with Kendall longer than you've known him, Rava." She remembers the first time she met Stewy, because it was the same night she met Kendall. The two of them were thick as thieves even then, with Stewy pressed against his side and the two of them sharing bumps of coke off the back of Stewy's hand, smiling together like there was a joke no one else was in on. She remembers how on that night, she had allowed herself to indulge of a moment of fantasy in which it was Stewy's hand on the small of her back and Stewy who kissed her chastely as he helped her into her car. She knew even then that it was going to be a loveless marriage with Kendall, and had quickly realized that Stewy wasn't someone who would indulge in infidelity. It occurs to her that it's not simply her and Kendall's relationship that could be jeopardized by such behavior. "Can I be honest with you?"

"Please."

"Think of it like this. If it came down to the two of us- I mean, if we were lined up for the gallows, and Kendall could only get one of us out of there, who do you think he'd choose? You can't seriously tell me you think Kendall would choose you over me."

The blow stings, but the worst part is that she knows what he's getting at. Kendall wouldn't choose her. Not over Stewy, not over Roman, not over Logan, not over anyone. She's a convenience, as important to him as the groundskeeper in that someone must fill the role, but it doesn't particularly matter to him who does it. She's replaceable in a way that Stewy has never been.

"I'm trying to do you a solid here," Stewy says, reaching too close so he can pull her soft cardigan tighter around her shoulders. "You and me are a lot alike. We're fun little toys for people like the Roys. The difference is that I've been around maybe fifteen years and they're still having fun playing with me. You've been around less than five and honey, they're getting bored of you fast. Let's pack your shit up and I'll drive you both to JFK now."

She studies him and sees all the things he doesn't say. Sure, part of this may be him simply looking out for her, but a much larger determinant is a possessive instinct that she recognizes all too well. The fire in his eyes when he talks about Kendall is the same one that Kendall burns when he talks about Stewy, the one he never even lit when it came to her. She'll never really compare.

[foxfire-midnight-wings-writing]

Spider Virgil! (Introduction)

So, I guess this is a bullet fic? I always liked to write like these but never knew they had a name lol. Anyways, lets go!

If you’d like to talk more about this AU, you can send me an ask at @foxfire-and-midnight-wings​ or on here. (Preferably only using this one for asks that could bring potential to expand on the story or universe, with the other one for smaller asks and non-canon talk)

[Next]

[Fanfic Masterlist]

Warnings: super long post, talk about spiders and spider traits (fangs/venom, extra eyes, extra legs, etc.) and the usage of them, talks of spider and snake bites/venom (aka non-sexual biting), general anxiety thoughts and cognitive distortions

[This is basically an AU where Virgil has some spider-like traits, similarly to Remus and Janus with their respective animals. No one is unsympathetic!]

- - - -- - - -- - - -- - - -

First off, he has a little set of extra eyes underneath his 'real' eyes (only four eyes in total)

He got nervous before introducing himself to the other sides (aka the ‘light sides’) so he had Janus and Remus help him use makeup to hide them.

Janus & Remus understand bc while they like their animal traits they know he's always nervous about them.

While Remus only hides his octopus tentacles, Janus tends to hide his fangs, most his scales that aren’t on his face (ex: neck and shoulder), and his extra arms around many of the others.

Virgil has setules so he can climb walls and stuff, which is how he gets up and sits on places that shouldn't be sat on.

Also, he has 4 spider legs that are connected to the muscles on his back

One pair is positioned just underneath his shoulder blades, the other pair is around his mid-lower back

When he’s not hiding his legs, they usually are positioned as if they were giving him a weird hug (top are resting on his shoulders, bottom are wrapped a little bit around his torso)

Also fangs!

He has extended canine teeth that (surprise!) connect to a pair of venom glands on his neck

This means that his teeth are really sensitive too, though, which can suck at times

He had a bad habit of instinctually injecting venom into meat and stuff he eats, but luckily it doesn’t hurt him. Now that they’re all older though, all the ‘dark’ sides were able to adjust to their animal traits or habits.

In this case, that meant he trained himself not to automatically inject his venom into stuff

Remus was the first to find out about venom milking, because it’s Remus

Because both Janus and Virgil have fangs + venom, he knew that they were constantly worried about accidentally hurting someone and not having an antidote. So he brought up the idea to them

Luckily, they were all young when they discovered this so there weren’t any inappropriate jokes about it, but Remus makes them a lot in the present (along with the vore jokes, which everyone hates)

Basically, for those who don’t really know, the way people make antidotes and medicine to help with venom from animals like spiders and snakes is through extracting the venom by a process called “milking”

So they ended up experimenting a lot and they eventually made their own antidotes to both Janus and Virgil’s venom

And once they both also learned how to bite things (and as a result each other) without using their venom

(Snakes and spiders can do what’s called a “dry bite”, basically they bite without injecting venom into what they bit)

This revelation ends up with Janus and Virgil often threatening to bite the other person, sometimes if they fight they actually do

The antidotes have been helpful on the few occasions one of them injects a tiny bit of venom by accident (which was extremely rare, and only ever happened when they were younger)

Virgil and Janus still regularly milk and make their antidotes, and they usually keep some of both in all three of their rooms for emergencies

(sometimes they do it just because they can, and end up giving it to Remus so he can do weird experiments with it in the Imagination)

Also, the hissing? Janus is a snake, so that makes sense. But Virgil?

Well, after a little research, they ended up finding out that spiders make a low hissing noise called “stridulation”. So technically, spiders hiss too.

Virgil uses that against Remus when he tries comparing him to a kitten, and he threatens to bite him

[The Present Situation w/ the Other Sides]

- - - -- - - -- - - -- - - -

He was planning a big reveal for the ‘light’ sides at one point (before he was accepted) but he never went through with it

Because Accepting Anxiety happened, he was worried he'd lose the friendship/acceptance of the others due to his traits. (Anxiety and cognitive distortions, y'know? Plus, he saw how freaked out Patton and the others were by the spider decorations in his room, how could he expect them to react any different to him?)

And so he continues to hide them and his other abilities

which is an absolute pain because while he can easily cover up his extra pair of eyes, he has to be very careful about not showing anyone his fangs

And don’t get me started on how hard it’d be for him to get into his jacket and positioning it just right so his legs aren’t being squished but they aren’t very visible

Fun fact! That’s why he always appears on the stairs. he can easily hide them by leaning against the wall or positioning his back to where no one can see them

But he still gets little urges to do things spider-like because of his anxiety.

For example: crawl up the wall and go in corner = no people = safe

So to fill that little spider instinct to crawl up places to get away from people he takes to sitting in places he shouldn't.

Top of the fridge, the counter, anywhere he can get while being able to reason his way out of being questioned on how he got up there

To his surprise, no one stops him. If anything, Patton calls it cute and Roman basically encourages it

And so things go on like normal, and he always takes off his makeup once he's in his room.

Sometimes he indulges a bit and climbs the walls

He has a small resting area that looks similar to a hammock (but it’s practically a nest of blankets) that’s connected to his walls. Sometimes he’ll sleep up there because it’s off the ground and away from everything

he tends to lay on his stomach and to spread out as much as he can when up there

(Janus and Remus find it hilarious, but Virgil points out that Janus can’t say anything because he does that too)

No one has seemed to catch on that he has spider traits, and he is extremely relieved about that

Then Janus comes along and introduces himself to Thomas and the others.

And then Remus joins in too.

And while none of them are on bad terms, Virgil gets more and more worried someone is going to point out their animal traits and ask him if he has any.

And he worries because he doesn't know how to respond

He can't just say

"Oh yeah, all the 'dark' sides have animal traits and I've just been hiding mine from you in fear of rejection and that you'll all hate me. By the way, my anxiety is making me not say anything about this because I'll have a panic attack just thinking about telling you, and so I haven't said anything about it, and the more time that passes makes the anxiety about telling you guys worse which causes me to put it off even more. And it causes a spiral from there that often makes me whole myself up in my room for days on end."

So he tries to prevent anyone from asking about the 'dark' sides by making it seem like he left them on extremely bad terms.

It takes a minute for Janus to realize it’s not the normal banter they throw around, it’s something more desperate and anxiety-ridden

Janus catches onto his plan very quickly, and when he can he gets Virgil alone with him and Remus to talk it out.

Virgil tells them about his fears of rejection and how none of them know about his spider traits (especially because they went to his room once and Patton was freaked out just by the spider curtains, making his fears worse)

So they all make an agreement to help Virgil hide his traits and to make a plan to help the others not ask them about each other

And then Remus just goes "so you're saying I can fuck with my brother? That's the plan, right?"

Cause he is so on board as long as he can cause chaos.

And what better way to cause chaos than by pretending to be in an arguement or on extremely bad terms with a close friend, forcing the others to watch it happen and be uncomfortable as they argue back and forth

Janus just agrees because he likes being dramatic and it's not like they didn't banter a lot before now, they just get to make it public and more "serious" than before

(They all know it’s just because he wants to be part of the Drama™)

They make a list of things they can and cannot make jabs/remarks about

And then they prepare for the chaos

(Note: This is not them being “unsympathetic”, they all agreed on the plan and all know what they are signing up for. The entire purpose is to make the others think that they have bad relations with each other, which some may interpret the arguing/jabs as the characters being “unsympathetic”)

[The Chaos Time Begins]

- - - -- - - -- - - -- - - -

So this all happens before Selfishness v. Selflessness, right?

Which is what makes the entire courtroom scene funny to the ‘dark’ sides, bc they all were planning to have that be when the drama really started to take off

When in the courtroom and Janus makes the comment about Virgil’s name, he really wasn’t expecting that, but after the initial panic passed he was like ‘I mean, alright I guess’

He didn’t really want them to know anything about his full name (Virgilius), but it wasn’t going to really hurt him

(He just wanted to avoid any of the references or jokes Roman and Logan would definitely make because he already got enough of it from Janus and Remus)

and the plan worked! almost a little too well, though...

After the courtroom scene ends, there’s a couple days of silence where everyone just. Doesn’t talk about it. At all. The ‘dark’ sides were prepared for this, so it’s not too bad for them, but it makes Virgil feel very awkward when around the others.

Then, after the third day of awkward avoidance, Patton and Roman gather all of them in the living room to try and make sure everything is okay.

Unfortunately for them, Patton had also invited Janus up there because he saw the tension between him and Virgil

And Janus physically restrains himself from showing how excited he is because this is the perfect way to make the Drama™ officially known

Virgil is just chilling on the couch waiting for everything to spiral, because while he appreciates the effort, the fighting is completely intentional. So there’s no stopping it now

It goes about as well as you can expect

While everyone else except Janus starts talking, Janus just patiently waits until someone brings him into the conversation to start making jabs. (mainly because he knows that the others actually have stuff they need to talk through first, before he derails the conversation)

They all are able to get to a good conclusion about the situation, misunderstandings are talked through, and now all that’s left is dealing with Janus

And as soon as Patton starts talking to Janus, he gets excited because the show can finally begin

Roman: Now, I know not all of us really like him, but- Virgil: like him?! That’s funny, princey, because I really fucking hate him! Janus: Oh, come on, Virgil! Just lighten up a little. You’re seeming a little... dark. Virgil: Don’t. Patton, trying to prevent them from arguing: Hey, now, kiddos! Let’s take a moment and just step back to breathe, yeah? We don’t want this to- Janus: become a truth-telling session between us and Virgil? Patton: become an arguement.

The others try to help Patton defuse the situation, but it doesn’t work. If anything, it makes the situation worse because Janus uses them as fuel for some of his arguments.

Virgil: Yeah, keep talkin’ pal! I’m sure they really want to hear it from someone who makes it his job to harass everyone Janus: Well, sorry about that Sir Emo, but I couldn’t hear you over the sound of you leaving us. Oh, wait! Sorry, you don’t want to remember being a ‘dark side’, now, do you? My apologies! Roman, frantically glancing between the two: Wait, wha-? Virgil, standing up: Oh shut it, you treacherous snake! Like you ever even wanted me there. You’re probably glad I’m gone, huh? The cold from your room is starting to affect your heart! Not like you had one, though. Janus: Why, you-!

They start arguing and slowly they start getting louder and louder

Eventually, they’re yelling insults at each other, and everyone else is at a loss for what to do

Then, in what seems to be the ending of the argument, Virgil yells “I never wanted to be there with you in the first place, you bastard!”

Janus takes a moment to pause, and then he just says “Right, of course. My bad, Virgilius”

The living room is quiet as Janus sinks out, and Virgil just stands there shaking

He knew it was going to happen, and he knew it was just his name, but the acting and drama was becoming a little too much. It started to feel too real to him, and he knows that’s just his anxiety speaking, but he still feels the tears gathering in his eyes

Patton tries reaching out to him, but Virgil says “I’m going to my room” in a broken voice

The others watch helplessly as he leaves, and eventually they all break off to their own rooms to think about what just happened.

[zalrb]

Unbelievably random sorry, but I'm rewatching Gilmore Girls, and love Rory/Logan (Logan's actor portrayed a charm I somehow fall for when I'd usually, and irl, HATE a Logan). I've NEVER compared to DE but S5 LR remind me of your breakdowns of how TVD ignored what DE were meant to be and failed at the "badboy bettering for the goodgirl who's challenged/adventurous with him". So ik you stopped watching, but wondered if you'd agree (and if so breakdown/compare how) LR actually do this well!?

Haha I mentioned in my GG boyfriend breakdown that Logan is difficult for me because he’s too similar to guys I knew in university and I just do not like his character but I’ve been thinking about this and I’ve been thinking about season 5 and there is one major distinction between Logan and Damon, which informs the difference between Rogan and Delena and that is:

Logan (and the show) doesn’t rely on Rory to rehabilitate bad behaviour or be his moral compass. Logan is -- in my view -- pompous and obnoxious but he isn’t a fundamentally terrible person who puts the responsibility of trying to be a better person on Rory so he’s not having conversations like this

that aren’t even earned due to actions like this

which has been a pattern of behaviour for seasons

what he’s doing is striving to be in a committed relationship for the first time and doing all of the things that come with being in a relationship because he really likes (and then loves) Rory so it starts like this

and it moves to this

and it’s a learning curve but we actively see him try

including taking things seriously

that he originally didn’t 

because it meant a lot to Rory.

I still think it’s pretty fucked up that he let Rory walk into a room full of women he’d had sex without giving her any warning, especially considering when she confronts him about it he’s like oh yeah they do stuff like this because they like the drama - so then PREPARE her?

but barring what I would find acceptable and what I would do in the situation, he does try to get back with her in earnest, explains his reasoning in earnest 

and there is never the impression that a miscommunication like that will happen again.

In relation, Rory has her boundaries

and she has her lines

which actually pushed the relationship forward and got Logan to react to her differently; he becomes more attentive after she refuses to leave with him while also respecting her boundary at saying no to leaving and as we seen the “I’m a girlfriend girl” conversation leads to

Nothing actually pushes the DE relationship forward, so for instance, Elena can say something like this

and Damon can say something like this

but nothing comes from that conversation, their relationship doesn’t actually change, the way they [don’t] communicate with each other doesn’t change

which is why the same conversations keep happening

season 3

season 4

season 5

In terms of challenging, I know Matt said that Logan pushed Rory to have new adventures in her life and I mean, I probably don’t think it’s as deep as what he intended the quote to be but I do think that it’s true, like when she says that she’s never been bored with him, I believe it because I saw it, I don’t particularly care for the things they do together but I did see how he brought a different dynamic to Rory

and how that created a response in her

and how it’s a particularly Logan/Rogan dynamic

like she isn’t doing this with Jess and she isn’t doing this with Dean, this is their thing. Not so much with Damon and Elena. When they talk about “adventure” I’m like, why?

Why is this

more adventurous than this 

or this

Why is this

more adventurous than this?

What I will say is that Logan treated Rory like a grownup? I know that’s super weird to say but I was going through these tags and I saw this

and I was like but it’s not Logan’s responsibility to make Rory go back to Yale and it was immature of Rory to blame him for her decision (but I have always said it could be argued that Rory bases her decisions on the opinions of men) he mentions that he doesn’t think she’ll last a month without Yale 

but he isn’t going to babysit her because she’s a grownass adult just like I think in season 7 they get into an argument and I don’t think I necessarily agreed with  Logan’s side but I did agree with him calling out Rory’s privilege when he tells her she isn’t exactly paying rent because Rory (and oftentimes the show) forgets her own privilege.

And that’s something that Damon is meant to do but in reality, which I’ve said before, Damon only pushes Elena when it comes to how she deals with him

stating that she has more in common with Katherine than her looks because she essentially said, “yeah I haven’t forgiven you for killing my brother” isn’t challenging her because a) Elena didn’t even manipulate Damon in that episode b) even if she did, he killed her brother after trying to force himself on her c) Katherine didn’t actually manipulate Damon either, she had been very upfront about what she wanted and how she saw him. 

So basically, like everything else, there’s a sense of Logan and Rory’s relationship being earned more than Delena’s.

[nightmaresart]

𝓛𝓸𝓿𝓮 𝓶𝓮 𝓵𝓲𝓴𝓮 𝓶𝔂 𝓭𝓮𝓶𝓸𝓷𝓼 𝓭𝓸

I don't give a fuck about you anyways

Whoever said I gave a shit 'bout you?

You never share your toys or communicate

I guess I'm just a play date to you

Play date - Melanie Martinez

𝕭𝖆𝖘𝖎𝖈 𝕴𝖓𝖋𝖔𝖗𝖒𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓

Full Name: Orla Shannon Atkinson

Meaning of Name:

The name Orla is from Irish origins and means "Golden princess/ Golden lady"

The name Shannon is from Irish origins and means "Little old wise one" or in some rarer cases it means "Possessor of Wisdom"

Nickname: The empath, Lala & Vipertooth by Jackson @carewyncromwell

Reason of Nickname:

The empath is a nickname Orla recieved after some of her friends and fellow students managed to figure out that the girl always knows how other people are feeling, this caused her to show more empathy to those she sees as friends

Lala is one of the two nicknames that Orla received from one of her good friends, Jackson Knightly, at first the girl didn't like the sound of the name at all but she soon grew fond of it the more Jackson used it

Vipertooth is the other nickname that Orla received from her good friend and partner in crime, Jackson Knightly, she managed to get this nicknsme due to the fact that she doesn't back down in a fight and easily hexes people when they're bothering her and her friends

Gender identity: Cis-Female

Pronouns: She/Her

Sexuality: Hetrosexual

Age: 17, but depends on what I write

Birthday: 31-12

Zodiac sign: Capricorn ♑

Place of birth: Tralee, Ireland

Blood Status: Pure Blood

𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝖒𝖆𝖌𝖊

Hogwarts house: Hufflepuff

The wand: Cedar, Dragon Heartstring core, 12 ½ inches

Cedar: Whenever I meet one who carries a cedar wand, I find strength of character and unusual loyalty. My father, Gervaise Ollivander, used always to say, ‘you will never fool the cedar carrier,’ and I agree: the cedar wand finds its perfect home where there is perspicacity and perception. I would go further than my father, however, in saying that I have never yet met the owner of a cedar wand whom I would care to cross, especially if harm is done to those of whom they are fond. The witch or wizard who is well-matched with cedar carries the potential to be a frightening adversary, which often comes as a shock to those who have thoughtlessly challenged them.

Dragon Heartstring core: As a rule, dragon heartstrings produce wands with the most power, and which are capable of the most flamboyant spells. Dragon wands tend to learn more quickly than other types. While they can change allegiance if won from their original master, they always bond strongly with the current owner.

The dragon wand tends to be easiest to turn to the Dark Arts, though it will not incline that way of its own accord. It is also the most prone of the three cores to accidents, being somewhat temperamental.

Patronus: Black Swan

Black Swan - Thought to have been rarer than a unicorn when first discovered, black swans represent loyalty, monogamous love, and caring for loved ones. They may have a wild youth but remain monogamous later in life. Black swans represent the healing power of love and romance. Have you ever been on the receiving end of a protective mother swan? Dementors will be chased away by a whirling dervish!

Magical abilities: Emotion Manipulation, Legilimency, Occlumency

Emotion Manipulation/Enhanced Empathy: User can sense and manipulate the emotions, including feelings, moods and their affects, of themselves, people, animals and other creatures, whether by increasing, decreasing, causing or otherwise channeling emotions, even manifesting the emotional energy to physical level.

Legilimency: Legilimency is the act of magically navigating through the many layers of a person's mind and correctly interpreting one's findings. 

Occlumency: Occlumency is the act of magically closing one's mind against Legilimency.

Boggart:

Her parents looming over her, wanting to cradle her and close her off from society forever to protect her

Riddikulus form:

Her parents turn into their house elf Elijah and he starts to pull the silly faces he always made when Orla was younger

Amortentia:

What do they smell?

She smells old books, the sweet smell of a variety of pies and the woods

What do they smell like?

Orla smells like freshly plucked strawberries, a variety of flowers and a rainy day

Mirror of Erised

She will see herself in the future, with her friends and her boyfriend graduated from Hogwarts and no longer having to follow rules that were only ment to hold the young woman down

𝕻𝖍𝖞𝖘𝖎𝖈𝖆𝖑 𝖆𝖕𝖕𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖆𝖓𝖈𝖊

Eye Colour: Gold

Hair Colour: Light Blonde

Hair Style: She always keeps her hair up in a neat bun

Weight: 43 kg or 94 lbs

Height: 1,55 m or 5,1 ft

Type of Body/Build: Mesomorph/Hourglass figure, on the thinner side

Skin Tone: Pale Ivory

Distinguishing Marks: Her eyes stand out as well as the freckles that adorn her face

Face claim: Dove Cameron

𝕻𝖊𝖗𝖘𝖔𝖓𝖆𝖑𝖎𝖙𝖞

Overall Personality:

She is a loyal and hardworking girl who can come off as harsh and crude when you first approach her. When you get to know her you will see that she is fierce and creative as well as loving. She just needs to time adjust to you and she'll eventually warm up. She is no softie and can easily hold her own if necessary. You wouldn't like this gal angry

Briggs myer type: ISFP

Good traits:

Loyal, hardworking, caring and kind

Bad traits:

Rude, easily agitated and annoyed, closes herself off once she is in pain

𝕬𝖙𝖙𝖎𝖙𝖚𝖉𝖊

Towards people they hate

Orla is very cold towards the people she hates, she doesn't even spare them a glance whenever she passes. However, when they're purposely pushing all her wrong buttons she will not hesitate with lashing out and fighting them.

Towards people they tolerate

A small smile is all that Orla will over to the people she tolerates, she doesn't want to chat with them but she won't treat them cruelly at all.

Towards people they consider friends

Towards the people she considers and sees as friends, Orla is nothing but kind, of course she will make snarky remarks when they're being idiots but she wouldn't trade them for anyone else. She is loyal and will stand by their side no matter what.

𝕽𝖊𝖑𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓𝖘𝖍𝖎𝖕𝖘

Family:

Father: Jacob Atkinson

Mother: Anastasia Atkinson

Friends:

Kenneth Jones, Lewis Gallach, Tadgh Lynch, William Rosen @unfortunate-arrow , Monty Bloom, Teddy Ellison, Stella Seabright @cursebreakerfarrier , Jackson Knightly @carewyncromwell , Danny Gibson @catohphm , Logan Rosseto @demon-twins-and-co , Josie Edwards @lizzieparkerhphm

S/o:

TBD

Rivals: TBD

𝕭𝖆𝖈𝖐𝖘𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖞

Born in Ireland to the family Atkinson, Orla has always been an only child to the pair Jacob and Anastasia Atkinson. This caused her parents to become protective over their daughter from a very young age, the young girl got whatever she wanted but she never got to interact with other children her age.

She was kept inside most of the time and was only allowed to leave the house with supervision of either her parents or their house elf Elijah. This continued for most of her life and Orla thought it was normal and that all parents were like her own.

Around the age of ten she discovered that she could sense other peoples/creatures emotions much stronger than anyone else could, she kept this a secret from her parents as well as the Legilimency and Occlumency she goes to discover once her grandparents visit her at her eleventh birthday.

Orla finally attended Hogwarts at the age of thirteen for the first time, her parents had alot of trouble coming to term with this but reluctantly allowed her to go with the promise of the headmaster that he would keep an eye on the blonde girl.

This is where she begins to discover more and more about herself and her powers, eventually unlocking their full potential once she reached the age of eighteen.

𝕽𝖆𝖓𝖉𝖔𝖒 𝕱𝖆𝖈𝖙𝖘

She eventually becomes a perfect.

She always wears long clothes that cover her body as she isn't comfortable showing much skin.

Due to her upbringing, Orla can come off as harsh and rude while in reality she has never interacted with people her age before and thus struggles with it.

She adores dressing up and often does so when she is either alone or when Jackson decides to drag the blonde along to go shopping.

She doesn't talk about her parents at all, she is embarrassed by them and often wishes they weren't so protective.

She is quite a powerful witch and can and will do some serious damage if people get on her bad side. Her parents may have been reluctant of her going to Hogwarts but that doesn't mean she hasn't been taught alot already.

She respects house elves alot and sometimes even helps them out whenever she has the time or feels like it.

She knows quite a bit of healing spells and uses them on her friends if they managed to get themselves hurt.

She can manipulate peoples emotions but doesn't do so, atleast not on purpose. Her feelings, when they're too much, sometimes affect the people around her and she doesn't even notice it until its mentioned to her.

If you want your mc to be added to her friends list, or if you want them to be her rival, just tell me and ill add them!^^

[thisaccisdead]

“Half Full” - Moceit Fic

Content/warnings: referenced past manipulation, alcohol, a lot of discussion of things the sides have done wrong, but none of them are intended as unsympathetic. they have done some b a d stuff but they’re learning and we love them all yknow?? (namely warnings for virgil being overprotective/lashing out, and me being on my bullshit anti-roceit agenda)

Notes: You all know I’m not a writer, but I had a thought about a?? Characterization for Janus?? Which as I reread this is kind of very OOC, but idk I just thought it was neat, and I do go crazy for moceit hurt/comfort.

Finding the moral side crying in the middle of the night was, all things considered, not too surprising. After all, Janus knew every time Patton lied about his happiness. However, he had suspected to find him with loud, messy sobs. With a tin of cookies almost finished. Not with a bottle of wine and a blank, tear-tracked face.

He didn’t even seem to notice Janus’ entrance until he cleared his throat.

“Oh,” Patton uttered, gaze flicking to the other side. His face didn’t gain any clarity of expression. He just started putting away the wine and finished off his glass, making moves to leave. “Sorry.”

Janus took a moment to hide his shock at the scene, and at Patton’s reaction to him. (What, had he thought the moral side would come running into his arms for comfort? He was being ridiculous.)

“Give that here, you imbecile,” Janus said, taking the bottle from Patton’s hands and pouring himself a glass. There was no bite behind his words, at least not in a meaningful way. He’d lost his edge. “So, you’re just up for fun, I assume?”

“Hm,” Patton failed to respond. “Are you going to stay up?”

“I’m sure I’ll be back to bed in a moment.”

“That sounds like a lie.”

“How out-of-character that would be for me,” Janus smiled.

Patton half-smiled back. “You wanna watch something?”

“What do you have in mind?”

“A documentary on Greek philosophers.”

Janus frowned at the dry film Patton pulled up. “You think you’ll enjoy this?”

“I think it’ll be boring as fuck,” he said, casually. Janus turned to him in mild shock, while he simply yawned. “But Logan wanted me to watch it. Maybe it’ll be more interesting with you.”

Janus nodded, careful to hide his smile behind his glass.

•••

The movie was, as Patton had so eloquently predicted, boring as fuck. Also, quite hazy by the end, due to all the wine. They had been quiet near the beginning, but by the end they were talking over everything in hushed whispers and even a laugh from Patton, every so often.

The next day, when Janus walked in on breakfast, he swore Patton’s smile changed. From a brittle, stiff form--forced in the tense atmosphere--to something more relaxed. Relieved.

“Oh, hiya, Janus! There’s a seat here if you wanna stay,” Patton patted the chair beside him.

Janus stayed.

•••

“...Janus is right.”

“Of course,” Virgil scoffed.

It was the first whole group discussion they’d had since the… wedding fiasco. And while Virgil didn’t seem surprised by Patton’s words, Janus most certainly was.

“Obviously, I am. I knew you would agree, Patton,” Janus lied.

Patton was too preoccupied to do anymore than hum at Janus’ statement, all concerned glances over at Roman. Ugh, Roman. Still all mopey after the last video, he was currently staring determinedly at the floor. Him and Patton should have let all of that go by now--the past was the past. Hadn’t they learnt about moving on?

“Are you sure, Patton?” Thomas asked. “I’ve always gone to this event before. And, I’ve always made it through--”

Patton shook his head. “You know there will be family members there who don’t respect you. And who choose not to learn. I know I’ve always been the one to say they deserve your love anyway, but… I don’t know if they do.”

All of the sides stood in shock for a moment. Janus schooled away a proud look. 

Logan was the first to speak, slowly nodding. “...Yes, well, Patton does bring up an interesting point. Thomas, you tend to give people the ‘benefit-of-the-doubt’, which can be a good thing, and has led to you improving relationships in the past. However, if the other people are actively refusing to learn, no progress can ever be made. And so the effort would be for naught.”

In no time flat, Thomas was coming to his big realization about not owing certain people certain things, yada yada yada, doing the outro, yada yada yada. Janus was about to sink out, with that new, odd, and decidedly wonderful vindication that he was right, when--

“Deceit, wait.”

Janus sighed, audibly, and made sure to put on his most sardonic smile. “Yes, Virgil?”

“What exactly do you think you’re doing?”

“You’ll have to be a little more specific, dear.”

“Don’t--” Virgil grit his teeth and huffed out a breath. “With Patton, I mean.”

“Hm. Really, Virgil, I wish I knew what you were referring to, but--”

“Oh, cut the bullshit!” He finally snapped. “I don’t know what you’ve been playing at with him, if you think you really like him, but you’re just gonna do to him what you did to Roman.” 

Janus cringed at that, though he tried not to. Virgil knew just how to get to him. “Well. Thank you for this conversation, Virgil. I’ll be considering it deeply,” he said sarcastically, before sinking out. Though, it wasn’t as much of a lie as he would have liked.

•••

“Janus? What are you doing?”

Patton had found him pacing around the living room. And he hadn’t even had enough time to mask his aggravated expression when the moral side entered.

“Dishes,” he replied sourly.

“Right,” Patton said. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“I’ve used that one enough to see through it.” He joked, smiling bittersweetly. It was such a sincere look he was giving, so ready to comfort. Janus wasn’t used to it. Whether the ‘it’ was sincerity or comfort he couldn’t say.

“It’s just--I don’t see why I should have to apologize to him,” Janus spat out.

Patton came over to the couch, motioning for Janus to join him. He did.

“Virgil?” Patton asked. Janus looked away. “...Ah. Roman.”

“He shouldn't have laughed at my name!”

“Yes,” Patton nodded slowly. “We've all done things we shouldn’t’ve.”

“...Are you implying something?”

Patton raised a brow. “Calling two sides evil for the price of one?”

“Oh, please,” Janus scoffed. “You’ve always thought Remus was evil.”

“...Yes. And I’m learning why that’s wrong,” he admitted.

That gave Janus a pause, but he quickly disregarded his surprise. “Well, I already reminded you, Roman started it.”

“No, he didn’t.” Patton looked away. He took a deep breath in, silent for a beat too long. “...I did. A long time ago.”

Janus narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean?”

“I told him he was dishonorable to side with you. That treating you as more than a villain was evil.” Each word sounded like it pained him. Each a confession, although Janus had been witness to all of it. “It’s all always been my fault.” Tears silently began to fall down his cheeks. He blinked, as if to somehow subtly dispel them, but they only fell harder. 

And, oh.

Oh no.

Janus really didn’t want to do this next part.

It would be so easy to let Patton believe that. He could even comfort the side, tell him he was forgiven, help him through--all without revealing anything. 

Save himself. It was what he was built for.

“Patton… it wasn’t all your fault, per say.” Patton glanced up at him, confused, and it was his turn to look away. “I quite blatantly flattered Roman. I manipulated him, used him--whatever you want to call it. All because I wanted his favor in... that case.”

“Well, I already knew--”

“Except, it wasn’t just that case,” Janus rushed out before he could lose his nerve. “It started when I first revealed myself to Thomas, remember? Really, I just wanted to test the waters, at first. See what I could get away with, and who I could get away with it with.”

Patton had a blank look as he sorted through his memory. “ ‘Love the outfit, Roman,’” he finally quoted.

“...Indeed,” Janus sighed. “It became clear that Roman would be the easiest to get to. Which makes sense from his need-of-praise mixed with lack-of-praise. And he is the romantic side. And I just knew, one day it would be useful if he was…somewhat biased, so if…”

“If you and him were a little… friendly?” Patton finished, sadly. Disappointedly. 

Janus nodded. Then, quickly, he rushed to add, “I mean, nothing that bad! I didn’t kiss him. We were never dating. I just may have implied--”

Patton’s face changed from disappointed, then. To something else. Something worse.“Right. No. Of course,” Patton said. “Not that bad at all.”

That lie from Patton’s tongue ached in Janus’s chest for the rest of the day.

***

Remus wasn’t in their side of the mindscape when Janus returned to it. Which he didn’t make too much of, sulking around and rewatching Good Place episodes, until Remus skipped in covered in… blood? No. Much more unusual--red paint.

“What have you been up to then, hm?” Janus asked, as polite as he was disinterested.

“Painting with Pat! Drawing with Daddy! Look!” He shoved a messy, still drying canvas in Janus’s arms. It was a finger painting of mutilated arm, rather tame for him, but perhaps that was because he made it with--

“Patton?”

“That’s what I said! Geez, who stole your ears? Oh, wait, was it me? That sounds like me. But, of course, it doesn’t sound like anything to you!” He cackled.

“I still have my ears, you gremlin,” he hissed. “But you’re right, there’s nothing for me to be surprised about, since you and Patton are on such great terms.”

“Exactly!” Remus confirmed. “Wow, you heard about it quick, JJ! It was just this afternoon, he came up with those pouty puppy eyes, gushing apologies, asking me to be his wittle fwiend~” he batted his eyelashes mockingly. Heat rose in Janus’s chest at that, and he almost lept to defend Patton, embarrassingly, but luckily Remus continued before he could. 

“Which, was kinda stupid; guy made it sound like he had committed war crimes against me or some shit. Like, yeah, dude was a dick to me; I was a dick to him. That was meant to be our whole dynamic! Now whenever I scare him--what?--I’ll feel guilty, who wants that?! I liked being enemies. But maybe I’ll like being friends more.” He shrugged. “Time will tell, right? That’s a great idea, actually. I’m gonna go make some clocks that just scream every hour. Oo, or every minute! Yeah, that. Seeya, Janny Fanny!”

Janus gaped, left uncomprehending, while Remus sped off.

He tried to imagine it--Remus. With Patton. Chatting, smiling, joking. Remus would, of course, be able to bring much more reckless fun to the father figure than he might otherwise go for. Patton might enjoy some of Remus’s more childish humor. In an odd, backwards way they made a sort of sense.

The image made Janus’s blood boil. He should have been pleased for them. He knew that, but it didn’t help. And--what? Had Janus thought he was special? Fancied himself the singular, blessed demon chosen by an angel? Patton’s new bestest buddy?

No. He should’ve known that was never on the table. As it turned out, Patton was simply being polite to everyone now. That didn’t mean Janus had changed in his mind. It didn’t mean Janus had changed at all.

He was a villain. He had been going about this all wrong, trying to be more than he was made for. He needed to remember that.

***

“How the tables table, huh?”

“That is how the phrase goes,” Janus remarked dryly as Patton took a seat by him. Janus offered him the wine bottle, but he put a hand up and shook his head. 

“Well, at least I’m not crying,” Janus sneered. 

“No, wouldn’t want to ruin your dignity like me, right?” Patton half-joked. Half-joke, half-smile, half-truth. Nothing Patton did went full way. “Wanna talk about it?”

Janus scoffed, and went back to nursing his drink.

“Right,” Patton frowned. “Listen--Janus, I wanted to apologize. ...Again,” he added, with a half-laugh. Half-laugh, half-hurt. Whatever. “I shouldn’t have gotten so judgmental earlier. Morality and judgement tend to go hand in hand, even when they shouldn’t. And I got defensive on Roman’s behalf too,” he admitted. Janus grit his teeth, glaring at the wooden counter. Defensive over Roman. Friends with Remus. “Look--I’ve done bad stuff too. I had no place to judge you now, when it’s clear you have now learned.”

Janus laughed, suddenly, bitterly, at that. “Oh, have I, now?” 

Patton blinked, tilting his head. “...Yes?”

Janus rolled his eyes, and downed the end of his glass. “Listen, Morality, I’m not like you. I don’t need to go on some learning spree, down the path of beautiful ethics and self-improvement. I’m not meant to be a little, lovely side. Maybe learning my name made you forget; I’m Deceit.You heard Thomas yourself--I’m a flaw. So, I don’t do guilt. I don’t plan on too much learning. And I definitely won’t be spewing out apologies, like some sides I know,” he bit out each word. He wanted to make Patton leave. Maybe cry. Make him realize what Janus really was. But he just sat there with that stupid, sincere, concerned gaze.

“I’m not built for it!” Janus continued, growing more frantic at the lack of reaction. “...I can’t.”

Janus shoved his hand to his mouth in an attempt to cover the first sob, but it was too late. Soon his shoulders were shaking, his head in his hands, breaths unsteady. There were warm arms around his back, pulling him against a cardigan-clad chest, soothing whispers in his ears. He realized his hat had been taken off as he felt fingers run through his hair. 

“Janus,” Patton began softly, moving back slightly so that Janus could meet his eyes. “That sounded like a lot of lies to me.”

Janus shook his head firmly, fumbling to pull his gloves off and put his hands up. “Patton, I swear, that is the truth!”

Patton looked at him for a long moment. Then, he reached his hands out, and slowly took Janus’s. Janus let him. “You can lie to yourself, you know,” he said softly.

Janus’s eyes burned, and he had to force himself not to spill over the edge again. He was hyper-aware of their contact, now. The warmth of Patton’s skin against his was intoxicating.

Patton looked down at their hands too. He squeezed them lightly, a 3 beat pattern. “They’re so cold,” he frowned.

“Are they, now?” Janus aimed for sarcastic, but it came out unsteady. 

“Mhm.”

They were quiet for a long time. Unmoving. As if a word, a breath, could break them apart. 

“I’ll apologize,” Janus said finally.

“To Roman?”

“...Yes,” Janus agreed. “And to you.”

“What for?”

Janus looked down at their intertwined hands, waited for Patton to follow his gaze. “The things I want.”

“Oh,” Patton breathed. He rubbed his thumb along the back of Janus’s hand. “I… don’t think the things we want are so different anymore.”

“Hm.” Janus let go of Patton’s grip, just for a moment, in order to pull the other closer. Patton melted in his grip immediately, head laying on his shoulder. Janus returned the embrace. “Maybe not.”

[gerec]

omg can i prompt you about that Obsession fic you did? i so desperately want to see more of being being dangerously obsessed with charles

You know I realized (belatedly) that it’s impossible for me to just write something super short and sweet when it’s based on an existing fic? Because there’s usually more story I want to tell and I end up getting sucked into writing a whole other thing instead of just a little moment in time lol??? Anyway, I always had more planned for Obsession, though what’s here is just a little taste. Erik returns to Charles’ bed after this scene, and that’s when all hell breaks loose lol...

Hope you enjoy what I have for now!

(Premise for those who haven’t read ‘Obsession’ - married Logan and Charles invite stranger!Erik to join them in bed, where Logan watches while Charles and Erik have sex)

-----

After the night with Lehnsherr they go pretty much back to their normal routine, with Charles teaching classes at the uni and Logan logging too many hours at the precinct. He doesn’t think that much about it, even if it was a pretty great night, and has no real desire for a repeat now that they’ve sated their curiosity. Surprisingly, Charles seems just as ready to move on and leave it as a one-time thing, which pleases Logan – and appeases that tiny, possessive part of him – more than he’s willing to admit.

Logan’s never been a particularly jealous man, but there’s something about Lehnsherr that rubs him the wrong way; something that makes his instincts scream ‘caution’ with the intensity of a bright neon sign. He hadn’t noticed it then – at least not until the door shut firmly behind Lehnsherr – that his body had been tensed and ready for a fight. There was no reason for it, since the man had been courteous and respectful of their set boundaries; nothing but a raw, nagging feeling that left Logan discomfited for the rest of the night. 

So he’s less than thrilled when Lehnsherr’s name comes up again nearly three weeks later, seemingly out of the blue while they’re in the kitchen making dinner on a quiet Tuesday night.

“Guess who I bumped into today,” Charles says, pulling a bottle of white from the fridge as Logan plates the chicken and vegetables from the oven. It’s a rare night where they’re both off and don’t have any other plans; where they can just sit and spend some quiet time together and make out like teenagers in front of the TV. 

“Who’s that?” He holds the glasses while Charles pours, and then they take their seats at the tiny kitchen table where they take all their meals. “The Ice Queen? Or did everyone’s favorite Prof. get another stalker, hmm?”

Charles laughs. “Neither. Emma’s still in California; she’s not due back ‘til next week. And my former students aren’t ‘stalkers’, Logan! You know I enjoy it when they come back and visit! Anyway, it wasn’t anyone from the school.” 

Logan likes to tease him about befriending almost everyone he meets – his students in particular – even if Charles himself likes to deny that he draws people like a moth to a flame. It’s not just that he’s a great teacher and friend, but he’s also genuinely interested in people’s lives, which attracts them and makes them want to hang on to their connection with his brilliant and charming husband. 

He takes a bite of the chicken – new recipe, not bad – and chases it down with a sip of his wine. “I give up. Who was it?”

Looking up at him from beneath his long lashes, Charles quips, “Erik Lehnsherr.”

“Yeah? What’d he want?” 

“I bumped into him at the little coffee shop I always go to…you know the one around the corner from the Genetics building? Marie’s? Apparently he was in the area for a meeting and just stopped in for a coffee. Isn’t that funny? What’re the odds, right?”

Logan snorts, because it’s just the kind of luck he has that the handsome guy who fucked his husband would just randomly bump into him again in a city with more than eight million people. 

“What’d he have to say when you saw him?” Unlike Logan, Charles wouldn’t pretend not to know the stranger they invited into bed once for some hot kinky sex, and probably made a beeline right over to Lehnsherr to say hello.

Charles grins over the rim of his wine glass, and slides his foot seductively against Logan’s leg under the table. “Well…he did want to know if we’d be interested in getting together again. The three of us, for another round.”

Of course he did, because who wouldn’t want to fuck Charles again, if given another chance? “What’d you tell him?”

“Well obviously I told him I would speak with you about it,” Charles answers, a petulant pout on his red lips as he gets up from his chair to plop himself onto Logan’s lap. “I mean…I want to…do you want to?”

Logan sighs, squeezing Charles’ ass with both hands, making him squirm. “Does it have to be with him?  I mean, he’s a good looking guy but he’s kind of dick.”

Charles kisses his cheek and runs the pads of his fingers through his hair, rubbing their bodies together until Logan’s erection is poking uncomfortably against his jeans. “No it doesn’t have to be Erik I suppose…only, I like his mutation, and I like it when he uses it on me. And you want him too; you know you can’t hide anything from me. You don’t have to feel guilty for being attracted to him. Or how much you like watching him fuck me.”

And just like that Logan forgets he’s ever had any misgivings about Lehnsherr, a wild surge of lust making him dizzy as he grabs Charles and kisses him, hoisting him over his shoulder and carrying him into the bedroom. 

“Why don’t you tell me exactly what you want him to do to you,” Logan says, as he yanks Charles’ pants and underwear off with greedy hands. “Use your words, baby, and if I like what I hear we can think about calling him again.”

Charles smirks, splaying his nude body against the sheets as Logan rips his shirt off and scrambles out of his jeans. “Just ‘think’ about calling him?”

Logan laughs and gives Charles his best, most feral grin. “Better make it good then, don’t you think? Start talking.”

Charles does that and so much more.

[missfay49]

Who is Orange?

Disclaimer: Please enjoy?  Accept?  Beware?  This… Thing that started out as character analysis and turned into a deranged fanfic, because I experienced a literal revelation mid-way through free writing.  I did not clean this up much because I’m still reeling from the theory implications myself.  I cursed a lot.

~

What does Orange Side represent?

What do we know?

Orange is a “Dark Side”, defined as being one of the Sides hidden from C!Thomas.

The other Hidden Sides were Janus, Remus, and Virgil.

All the Hidden Sides were hidden due to a key aspect of their character that C!Thomas had to first acknowledge and then accept.  Virgil required C!Thomas to acknowledge that he had heightened anxiety and accept that anxiety isn’t inherently wrong, just a different form of information that can be processed.  Remus required C!Thomas to acknowledge that he had intrusive thoughts and accept that those thoughts don’t make him evil; they’re just thoughts.  Janus required C!Thomas to acknowledge that he was capable of lying and accept that acting “selfishly” sometimes isn’t just okay, but actually critically important to managing stress.

 What are the common themes here?  

Confronting the reality about ourselves instead of pretending some traits don’t exist.

Understanding ourselves to be more complex than ‘good’ and ‘evil’.

Addressing mental health.  

Orange Side is still hidden, but we can expect him to be something C!Thomas doesn’t want to (or isn’t ready to) acknowledge.  Something that would be difficult to accept about oneself.  All Hidden Sides fall under the jurisdiction of Janus, so let’s take another look at him.

In “Can Lying Be Good?” we get a lot of information about what Janus’ purpose is:

Roman: It you really don’t want to know something, he… can keep our mouths shut.

Logan: You don’t want to believe it.  That’s where his power comes from.  Things that you want to believe.  Things that you wish were true.  And things that you wish weren’t.

Deceit: What you don’t know can’t hurt you.

This all means that Orange Side is something that would cause C!Thomas distress to learn and something he subconsciously wishes weren’t true.  This is not new information to most of you: the spin-off interpretations of Apathy and Pride are widely popular fandom theories, traits that are typically viewed as negative in large doses.

But the Hidden Sides being seen as something negative isn’t their only defining characteristic.  They typically involve an aspect a mental health, involve societal expectations, and... what is it...

Janus is the umbrella over all the other Hidden Sides, sheltering and obscuring them from view. He is the gatekeeper in a very literal sense.  What is he gatekeeping?  

What is it?  What is it what is it, why?  What does he do?  What seems bad but isn’t?  What can he do?  What issue is actually useful?  What’s useful what’s useful WHATS USEFUL WHATS USEFUL?!  WHY DOES IT HAVE TO USEFUL?

shitshitSHITSHISTHISTSTs

I KEPT ASKING MYSELF, WHAT’S USEFUL?  WHAT TRAIT COULD IT BE THAT APPEARS BAD, BUT ISN’T BAD, IS ACTUALLY USEFUL.  ANIEXTY WAS OKAY BECAUSE HE WAS JUST LOOKING OUT FOR US.  LYING WAS OKAY BECAUSE HE JUST WANTED TO PUT C!THOMAS FIRST.  INTRUSIVE CREATIVITY WAS OKAY BECAUSE DARK IDEAS OPEN UP NEW PATHS.

But the whole GODDAMN POINT is ACCEPTANCE!  

You don’t HAVE to be useful to be accepted.  You – yuo just BE.  YOU BE!

PEOPLE don’t have to prove their Usefulness to you before you can treat them with respect.  Our WORTH does not depend on what we PRODUCE. YE GODS, THE COGNITIVE DISSONANCE I JUST BROKE-

~~~

C!Thomas comes back from his self-care stay-cation.  He’s ready to start production, he is rested and refreshed.  BUT JUST LIKE EVERY PREVIOUS DILEMMA, it isn’t Good enough, Original enough, Fast enough.  He’s done everything right, why is it still wrong?  He’s accepted his anxiety, he’s accepted that things aren’t just black and white, he’s Accepted That It’s OKAY to have Dark Thoughts, he Has ACCEPTED SELF_CARE.  Why Isn’t IT ENOUGH?!

“Fuck it.”  

C!Thomas spins in his chair, looking at a man that looks just like him, but not quite.

“What?”

“Fuck it.  Fuck them.”

“You sound like Remus,” Thomas jokes.  He’s lying, of course.  He’s nervous. The Side looks like a normal guy, but something about him is unsettling.  The unidentified Side just presses his lips together, unimpressed.

“Um, ef w-who, exactly?” Thomas asks, but part of him already knows.

“All of them.  Every person who isn’t you.  Every person who expects something from you.”

“Now, you sound like Janus.” Thomas looks back at the computer screen, but the Side’s retort has him spinning around again.  

“Janus is a short-sighted pseudo-rebellious minion of a capitalistic society, just like the rest of them.”

“Uh, excuse me?!”

“Isn’t it obvious? They’re all obsessed with Success. Whether they want to play by the rules, or manipulate them, or break them, whether it’s making money or pumping out good deeds, they’re still just trying to make you be successful within the framework of a system that prioritizes production over a human life.”

Thomas just stares for a moment before he can find his voice.

“Who are you?”

“Dude, seriously?”  He waves his hands, palms up and presenting himself.  “I’m Achilleus.  I’m your motivation.”

~~~

Take a deep breath and follow me down the research black hole, where every topic I looked up was more and more terrifyingly appropriate: 

Freedom

noun

the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint.

Self-Determination

noun

the process by which a person controls their own life.

Autonomy

noun

(in Kantian moral philosophy) the capacity of an agent to act in accordance with objective morality rather than under the influence of desires.

Autonomic Nervous System (because i believe each Hidden Side is closer to the subconscious)

noun

the part of the nervous system responsible for control of the bodily functions not consciously directed, such as breathing, the heartbeat, and digestive processes.

Inherent Value

“inherent value in the case of animal ethics can be described as the value an animal possesses in its own right, as an end-in-itself” – Animal Rights – Inherent Value, by Saahil Papar

Intrinsic Value

“Intrinsic value has traditionally been thought to lie at the heart of ethics. Philosophers use a number of terms to refer to such value. The intrinsic value of something is said to be the value that that thing has “in itself,” or “for its own sake,” or “as such,” or “in its own right.”” – Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Value, by Michael J. Zimmerman and Ben Bradley

“Finally, his sense of respect for the intrinsic value of entities, including the non-sentient, is the Kantian notion of the inherent value of all Being.  This is based on the notion that a universe without moral evaluators (e.g. humans) would still be morally valuable, and there is no reason not to regard Being as inherently morally good.” – Technology and the Trajectory of Myth, by David Grant, Lyria Bennett Moses

Motivation

“Another way to conceptualize motivation is through Self-Determination Theory … which is concerned with intrinsic and extrinsic motivation.  Intrinsic motivation happens when someone does something for its inherent satisfaction.” – Second Language Acquisition Myths: Applying Second Language Research to Classroom Teaching, by Steven Brown, Jenifer Larson-Hall

Capitalism

“The flowery language of the United States Declaration of Independence would have you believe that human life has an inherent value, one that includes inalienable rights such as “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” But in America, a major indicator of value is actually placed on being a productive member of society, which typically means working a job that creates monetary revenue (especially if the end result is accumulated wealth and suffering was inherently involved in the process).” – The Diminished Value of Human Life in a Capitalistic Society, by Seren Sensei

Religion

“At the heart of the debate between Calvinism and Arminianism lay the insurmountable chasm between God’s sovereign election versus human self-determination.” – Sovereignty vs. Self-determination: Two Versions of Ephesians 1:3-14, by Reformed Theology

Mythology

“In Classical Greece, Achilles was widely admired as a paragon of male excellence and virtue. Later, during the height of the Roman Empire, his name became synonymous with uncontrollable rage and barbarism… He chooses kleos (glory) over life itself, and he owes his heroic identity to this kleos. He achieves the major goal of the hero: to have his identity put permanently on record through kleos…

“But is this really an accurate characterization of Achilles' pivotal decision? Is he really driven to sacrifice his life by an obsessive quest for honor and glory? One scene in the Iliad suggests the answer to both questions is no.

“When Achilles leaves the battlefield after his dispute with Agamemnon, the Trojans gain the upper hand on the Greeks. Desperate to convince their best warrior to return, Agamemnon sends an envoy of Achilles' closest friends to his tent to persuade him to reconsider his decision. During this scene, Achilles calmly informs his friends that he is no longer interested in giving up his life for the sake of heroic ideals. His exact words are below:

“The same honor waits for the coward and the brave. They both go down to Death, the fighter who shirks, the one who works to exhaustion (IX 386-388)…

“Not only does Achilles reject the envoy's offers of material reward, but he rejects the entire premise that glory is worth a man's life.” – making sense of a hero’s motivation, by Patrick Garvey

Achilles (/əˈkɪliːz/ ə-KIL-eez) or Achilleus (Ancient Greek: Ἀχιλλεύς, [a.kʰilˈleu̯s])

Achilles realizes his own inherent self-worth, thereby freeing himself from the expectations of others; societal or otherwise.  Only once we are free can we find the balance between our own needs and the needs of others in a way that breeds neither anger nor resentment in either.

~~~

But that’s... that’s just... a theory.   Huh.

[taxicabinmemphis]

Prince Charming - Chapter 4

chapter one - chapter two - chapter three - chapter four - chapter five - chapter six

Word count - 4,094 Pairing - Intrulogical, Prinxiety (I didn’t plan it, it just kinda happened and I rolled with it), pre Moceit Warnings - some characters are a lil insensitive in spots but I wouldn’t call them unsympathetic, creativitwins angst ig, swearing, food mention, self-deprecation from most sides bc they’re all wrecks, character injury, pining, and then there’s Remus-typical behavior (body horror mentions, sexual innuendo/mentions of sexual stuff, and other stuff heh), if there’s anything else that should be tagged or put in the warnings, tell me!

The six sides and their horses eventually arrived in Azeria. Remus had abandoned his plan that would allow Janus to escape and instead was pondering his best friend’s love life. Logan and Janus were tired of the adventure and wanted to leave, while Patton and Virgil were hoping to finish so they could treat their injuries. The brothers, however, were having fun and expressed no desire to leave.

“Well, we’re here!” Roman stated as they got to the stables. He dismounted.

“Finally,” Virgil muttered under his breath, before dismounting. “Where should I put Sally, Roman?”

“Over there is fine.” He pointed to where Virgil should leave his horse.

All the other sides dismounted and left their horses in the stables. They walked into the castle, entering the tower where they kept the crown jewels.

“Care to do the honors, Patton?” Roman offered, as Patton was currently wearing the backpack which held the jewels.

Patton walked over to the open glass case. He opened the backpack, removed the jewels, and placed them carefully onto a velvet blanket which covered the bottom of the case. Roman closed the case after Patton finished, and Virgil clapped a hand on the fatherly side’s shoulder.

“Good work, Dad,” Virgil praised. “Thanks for carrying the jewels and keeping them safe.”

“Out of our dirty hands, you mean?” Remus teased.

“As a matter of fact, yeah,” Virgil said, malice in his tone.

Janus put an arm around the emo’s shoulders. “Oh come now, Virgil. You’ve beaten us once, we know not to try again.”

“Hmmph,” Virgil huffed, shrugging off Janus’ arm. He glared at him, suspicion evident on his features.

Janus gave a small laugh and turned to Roman. “What happens now, Roman?”

“Does this scenario end?” Logan asked, masking the hopefulness that would otherwise have been clear in his tone.

“There’s so much more we can do in this adventure!” Roman argued.

“We’re already having dinner way later than normal….” Patton objected quietly. “We shouldn’t hold off on it for much longer.”

“Patton is right,” Logan agreed, “we wouldn’t want to eat too late and end up having trouble getting to sleep on time.”

Roman rolled his eyes. “How about we go to the courtyard and clear everything up. You know, finalize what happened and such.”

“That sounds acceptable,” Logan said.

The sides then left the tower, exited the castle, and went to the courtyard, the flowers surrounding it making Patton’s face light up. The pristine white walls of the castle surrounded them fully on one side and partially on two sides, and the grass was a healthy shade of green. The darker, evening sky inhibited a clear look at their surroundings, though the pretty blues and purples above them seemed to make up for it. The sun would set soon, and the six would likely get the pleasure of watching it, depending on how long it took to end the adventure.

“May I sit on that bench?” Virgil asked, pointing to an ivory-colored bench near where they were standing.

“I’d like to as well,” Patton added, raising his arm slightly.

Roman nodded. “Of course. We can talk near the bench.”

Virgil and Patton sat next to each other on the bench. The four others stood in front of it, each of them standing where they could see each other.

“Okay, so we have the crown jewels, Remus and Janus are in custody, Virgil has been released and is now a citizen of Azeria, and us knights are okay. Anything else we should clarify?” Roman said.

“I was given full permission to annoy Logan while in custody.”

Roman rubbed his temples in annoyance. “No. Logan is a valued knight and respected citizen, we wouldn’t subject him to your company.”

Remus laughed. “Logan visits me in prison, then we fuck-”

“Remus!” Patton exclaimed, hitting his arm.

“Sorry, Pat, but yeah.” Remus shrugs. “That’s what happens.”

The sides looked at Logan, whose face was ducked and buried in his hands.

“No, it isn’t,” Roman disagreed firmly. “Anything else?”

“Reptania and Azeria eventually work out their problems and become allies?” Patton suggested.

Roman stared at him for a few moments, blinking a few times before answering. “I mean, sure. We don’t want these crazies in our dungeons for too long. They would get annoying.”

Virgil snorted. “True that.”

Silence surrounded the group.

“Well then,” Janus said, breaking the silence. “It seems that we’re fini-”

“Look,” Patton interrupted with a gasp. “The sunset.”

The five other sides trained their gazes on what Patton was looking at, and their faces all contorted to an expression of surprise and wonder. The sky was painted in a beautiful display of reds, oranges, yellows, pinks, and purples which contrasted with the canvas of dark blue incredibly well.

“Preeeeeeeetty,” Remus commented softly, holding out the ‘e’.

“As pretty as Logan?” Roman mused, glancing at his brother shortly, before returning his eyes to the colorful sky.

Remus’ face pinkened. “As pretty as Virgil?” he shot back with a scowl.

Roman let out a low sound of annoyance, but he left the conversation at that, preferring to appreciate the sunset than argue with his brother.

The sides spent a good five to ten minutes admiring the sunset, Patton making sure to snap pictures.

Janus cleared his throat. “We really should get going, as it seems that we’re finished.”

The others nodded, slowly tearing their eyes from the sky. Roman snapped his fingers and his fellow sides returned to their normal clothes.

“We could’ve just done that instead of changing earlier?!” Virgil asked incredulously.

Roman shrugged. “Not sure. Maybe, but I don’t think so. Who knows? But now you don’t have to struggle with removing chainmail.”

Virgil groaned and threw his head against the back of the bench.

“Next time, Roman, you should play the villain!” Remus said teasingly, leaving the castle grounds and walking towards the door out of the Imagination, his fellow sides joining him. “Bet you’ve never done that before!”

Roman shook his head. “I am a prince, not a villain. And why not let the resident villain play the part? Besides, I’m the only side here who knows how to be heroic, romantic, and charming.”

Remus’ footsteps slowed, but he eventually reached the door, his mood having soured immensely. He left the Imagination, leaving the door ajar behind him.

Patton, Janus, and Logan followed him out the door, Roman walking towards it himself. His hand grasped the doorknob, and he opened the wooden door slightly, only for his efforts to meet an opposing force that stopped the door from opening further.

The prince looked behind him to see Virgil standing there, left hand on the door.

“Hey there, Princey,” Virgil greeted quietly.

“Virgil,” Roman replied, showing clear confusion.

The purple-clad side took a deep breath. “I was hoping we could discuss something.”

Roman’s eyes widened in surprise, his grip on the doorknob slipping. He hardly registered Virgil closing the door after his hand fell to his side. Roman quickly concluded that Virgil’s previous statement was a softened and less anxiety-inducing version of the phrase “we need to talk”.

The realization made his stomach drop.

He followed Virgil away from the door and back over to the courtyard. They stopped at its entrance, and Virgil turned to face Roman.

“Roman, I have a few questions about some of today’s events,” Virgil said slowly. “As you know, I’m anxiety. I pay attention to behavioral red flags and abnormal actions and they will bother me until I get answers. So to spare future Virgil insomnia, could I please get clarification on a few things?”

Roman took a moment before answering. “And...none of the other sides’ behavior bothered you? Just mine?”

“Afraid so, Princey,” Virgil replied with a grimace. “At least when it came to the way they acted with me. Everything with Patton and Janus followed, except for one thing I managed to figure out. And no one else talked with me much.”

“Alright then,” Roman said, clearing his throat. “Fire away, I guess.”

Virgil shifted his feet. “I suppose I should start with the most recent source of alarm...back during the ride from Reptania? We were talking, and I rejected the idea of riding faster due to my soreness, and you said you wouldn’t cause me any harm or some cutesy shit like that, and then you ended up speeding up? I’m not mad by it or anything and I was eventually able to get used to the added pain it caused but I’m still confused by your actions.”

Roman felt a pang of guilt in his chest. Virgil’s sarcasm towards his care for the anxious side had angered him and slightly hurt his heart, so he sped up to be petty. He didn’t take Virgil’s injured state into account when committing the action, but now wished he did.

“Was that nice thing you said before you sped up sarcastic or something? I mean it was very dramatic like sarcasm often is, but you’re extremely dramatic so I thought it was you being you...maybe I read you wrong-”

“No, Virgil,” Roman finally spoke, raising a hand to halt his companion’s spiraling speech. His head was ducked down and he refused to meet Virgil’s eyes. “The comment was sincere.”

“Then why…”

“I…” Roman really didn’t want to answer this question, “I’m sorry. Your sarcasm after my comment wounded me when it really shouldn’t have because you’re such a sarcastic person by nature. I then forgot all about your injuries and sped up to be petty. I’m so sorry Virgil, and I am absolutely disgusted by myself for causing you pain. Especially after declaring I wouldn’t. You must be so angry...so rightfully angry.”

Virgil looked at the prince for a few silent seconds, blinking while he contemplated his dramatic and apologetic exposition. “I...I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I was flattered and didn’t know what to say so I reverted to my normal sarcasm. I should’ve realized what I said might hurt you. And...I’m not angry, Princey. I was just confused and maybe a little annoyed.” Virgil paused for half a second, pondering whether or not to say his next words. “Don’t be angry at yourself, or...disgusted. Lashing out without care is normal, especially for someone as passionate as you. I’m fine now, the additional pain has faded, and I’m not annoyed anymore.”

Roman slowly lifted his head and let himself make eye contact with Virgil. “I...But you still suffered, Virgil, at my hand.” Roman clenched his fist and closed his eyes.

Virgil let out a tiny laugh. “Seriously, Roman. I’m fine. I didn’t suffer or anything that dramatic. Stop beating yourself up about it.”

Roman stopped, looking back to Virgil. He took a deep breath. “Okay. I acted insensitively out of anger. It was stupid. I apologize. I understand that you were...wait, flattered?” Roman stopped, remembering what Virgil said earlier.

Virgil’s eyes widened. He forgot he’d said that. “Yeah,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck with his left hand. “‘Your safety is my priority’? ‘I will instigate nothing that will cause you harm’? Those are some pretty sweet words you said there, Roman. I guess it, uh…—” he lowered the volume of his voice, “—made me feel a little special.”

Roman’s face had reddened at Virgil repeating Roman’s declaration from the horseback ride and emphasizing its kindness. But he smiled too. He made Virgil feel special.

“Not to say I’m not aware of how drama and bold declarations of action and emotion are basically your main way of interacting with others,” Virgil started to backtrack, “and maybe it shouldn’t have flattered me the way it did, considering you always act like that, but it did, and I’m sorry it made me say something that hurt you.”

“You needn’t apologize further, Virgil,” Roman said, a fond smile adorning his features. “I am aware of how passionate I am, especially towards you, and I should have considered that before I did what I did. If what I say bothers you, please tell me. I have no desire to hurt you.”

Virgil’s gaze was on the grass from Roman’s offhanded flirtatious comment. “What you say doesn’t hurt me or anything, and I know it’s just you being you. Compliments aren’t something I navigate well either and it’s not like anyone else speaks half as dramatically as you, so if you say something nice, it’s really nice and I don’t know how to respond. That’s all.”

Roman chuckled, the smile staying on his face as he glanced over and internally marveled at Virgil’s lovely facial features. “Hmm, flustered Virgil. Something that seems so alluringly impossible but is existing before my eyes. Truly, a wonderful sight.” Roman’s smile only widened at Virgil blushing, and he got back on topic. “What else did you wish for us to discuss, Virgil? I remember you mentioning that there was more than one worry on your mind.”

“I, uh, yeah,” Virgil said weakly, still bashful from Roman’s words. “Roman...Patton’s hit to my stomach didn’t knock me out. It couldn’t have, to be honest. And I remember everything that happened. Everything that was said.”

Roman frowned. “What are you trying to say here, Virgil?”

“Why were you so angry?” Virgil asked softly, looking into Roman’s eyes. “You were so mad, so incredibly furious at Patton…. No one else was. And you didn’t know the whole story.”

“Virgil…”

“Again, I’m not mad,” Virgil clarified. “Or disappointed, or anything of the sort. I’m just confused. I mean, as soon as you learned Patton was the one who knocked me down, you were so angry! You didn’t even listen to his defense...it took Janus yelling at you and his explanation to shut y-- to stop your anger. Your apology was fine and sincere and Patton understood your actions so, again, I’m not mad. Why were you so angry, though? No one else was. But you were. Why?”

“I…” Roman trailed. “I care about you, Virgil. You know this.”

Virgil’s eyebrows creased. “Is this your way of telling me the others don’t?”

“No!” Roman exclaimed. “I just...didn’t like to see you hurt. My fight with Remus, while it got a bit angry verbally, neither of us were injured. The same happened in Janus and Logan’s sword fight. It was as if there was an unspoken rule that no one should be hurt. I didn’t think that you getting hurt was fair. And so I lashed out at Patton...the person who seemed to break that rule. I know it was wrong to do so as I didn’t have all the information and am very aware of how much he loves and cares for you, but I wasn’t thinking. I was just angry. I apologize. I know how much Patton means to you, and I’m sorry for making him feel bad when he shouldn’t. When he didn’t deserve it.”

Virgil nodded. “I get that, I guess. You don’t need to apologize any more though, you already did. Again, I’m just...shocked that you were the one who got so mad at him….”

“Is that really so hard to believe, emo nightmare?” Roman asked with a smile. “I’m the one in the group who goes after those who I believe have done wrong, I’m the one who doesn’t listen when I should—”

“Roman…”

“—and I’m also the one who tries to valiantly protect people. Not anyone else.”

Virgil chuckled, shaking his head. “You don’t need to protect me, Roman. I’m fight or flight, right? I can do the fight part for myself, you know.”

“Aww, but what if I want to protect you from harm?” Roman teased.

Virgil hit Roman’s shoulder lightly. “You don’t need to. Besides, the harm had already been done.”

Roman chuckled, taking a tiny step closer to Virgil. “Don’t try to stop me from protecting you, My Chemically Imbalanced Romance. There’s nothing you can do about it.”

Virgil snorted. “I can try.”

Roman laughed, shaking his head. “Why can’t you let me show my love for you the way I know how to?” The question was light, joking, casual. It meant next to nothing to Roman when it left his lips.

However, it had the opposite effect on Virgil. He looked down towards his feet, noticing how Roman was four feet away from him. The anxious side didn’t know whether to be happy the creative side couldn’t see his blush or sad he wasn’t closer.

“Y-Your love for me?” Virgil asked quietly, still looking at the grass.

“Of course, my raisin oatmeal cookie. You are my fellow side, my friend, my lovely Incredible Sulk! Don’t we all love you?” Roman replied, more nervous than he let on.

“O-Oh, yeah.”

“And even still, how could anyone not love you?” Roman said with a laugh.

Virgil’s face reddened further. “Can’t be too hard. I seemed to do it without trying.” The nervous side chuckled, approaching the worrisome comment casually, trying to impart sarcasm. He figured a joke would divert any possible attention from his blush.

Roman frowned, looking at the ducked head of Anxiety. “Well, that just won’t do.”

“...What?”

“My wonderful Charlie Frown, we can’t have you not loving yourself,” Roman said, dramatic but soft. He then put his hand under Virgil’s chin and delicately lifted it so he could meet his eyes. He gazed into them, admiring the beautiful shades of purple and green.

“Oh, Princey, it wasn’t that serious-” Virgil started to object, glancing away from Roman.

“No no no,” Roman silenced him, moving his hand from Virgil’s chin to in front of his lips, his index finger pointed up as a signal for him to stop talking. “You have to know how amazing you are, or at least learn.”

Virgil shook his head rapidly. “No. No, no. We are not doing this. It’s not that important anyway. Please don’t do this.”

Roman shook his head. “Do what? Tell you how spectacular you are?” His hand dropped from in front of Virgil’s mouth.

“Spectacular is subjective,” Virgil objected. “But yeah. Don’t do that.”

“Hmm…” Roman seemed to be pondering this. “Considering we are supposed to be talking about other topics, I guess I’ll do so another time, my dazzling Doctor Gloom.”

Virgil exhaled lightly. He was free of compliments for the time being. He didn’t dare argue, as that might cause Roman to take back what he said and say nice things about him. Virgil didn’t think he could take all of Roman’s dramatic sweetness, especially considering it was all platonic...right? He did say ‘friend’….

Roman looked at Virgil, his friend, his former enemy, with overwhelming love in his eyes. While it would be wrong of him to compliment him now, he couldn’t just leave that at that. He had to do something to demonstrate that Virgil should love himself. At least, that he was loved by others.

“Oh, Roman, look.” Virgil’s voice was small with wonder. His eyes left Roman’s and rested on the night sky above them. “The sun has set and the stars are out. There’s so many of them!”

Roman turned his head from Virgil to look. “Indeed. It’s quite beautiful.”

“Yeah…”

“Almost as beautiful as you.”

“You corny son of a bitch!” Virgil exclaimed, whacking Roman’s arm. “You said you’d stop complimenting me. And gosh, even if you still did, that was too cliché.”

“What? You walked right into it,” Roman defended with a shrug. “I’m not wrong either.”

Virgil took a deep breath, repressing his annoyance and a blush that wanted to crawl across his cheeks. “No more, Princey.”

Roman laughed, glancing at Virgil. His eyes lingered on the anxious side and the unique way the stars lit up the face Roman already adored so much.

Virgil glanced at Roman, doing a double take when he noticed the creative side’s eyes already on him. “What is it, Roman?”

Roman chuckled, placing his hand and laying his gaze on Virgil’s jaw, finger grazing over the white foundation that covered the emo’s face. He flicked his eyes up to meet the purple and green ones of his companion. “Oh, Virgil. Sweet Virgil.” Roman could see the red even through the makeup. He took a few steps closer to him. “May I kiss you?”

Virgil’s eyes widened. This was one of, no, the last thing he ever expected to leave Roman’s mouth. He stared at Roman—looking so absolutely majestic in the moonlight, so unbelievably attractive. His prince, his creativity, his talented, charming Roman was asking if he could kiss him.

“Please,” Virgil whispered, the one word laced with clear desire.

Roman smiled widely, looking down at his emo and placing his lips against his. They both closed their eyes, Roman’s hand not leaving Virgil’s jaw and his other arm encircling the purple side’s waist. Virgil wrapped his left arm around Roman’s neck and rested his right hand on the prince’s chest.

The kiss was delicate and so incredibly loving. It was purposeful, but soft. There was no lust but oh so much romance, no need for more but also quite desperate. The kiss wasn’t short—and it seemed just long enough—but it still had the two treat every second of it like precious gold as they savored the other like rich chocolate consumed on a warm evening. It left the two addicted to the other in a way that made sure what had just occurred would happen many more times in the future.

The two pulled away at the same time, letting their lips part so terribly slowly it was as if they were trying to make the most out of the last couple of seconds. Their eyes stayed closed, their arms not moving from where they were positioned on the other, and their faces flushed from the kiss.

Roman opened his eyes first: slowly, and with reluctance. He swept his thumb under Virgil’s closed right eye lightly, across his eyeshadow, and smiled at the beauty that was his emo. A part of him wanted him to lean down and kiss him more but another wanted to watch his radiant romance process what happened.

Roman watched as his purple prince opened his eyes slightly and smiled at him. Roman, already smiling, just looked at Virgil with fond wonder, always thinking the side couldn’t get more attractive and then constantly being proved wrong.

“Was it nice?” Roman asked after a comfortable silence, voice low and quiet. He moved his hand from Virgil’s jaw to brush hair out of his face.

“Nice? No,” Virgil replied at the same volume, sliding his right hand up Roman’s chest and around his neck. “Wonderful beyond words? Definitely.”

Roman put his forehead against Virgil’s, humming as he placed the hand formerly resting on his love’s face around his waist. “It is my sworn duty to make you happy.”

Virgil chuckled. “I suppose I shall have to take that ‘sworn duty’ upon myself in reference to you now, hmm?”

“Oh, my darling, you don’t have to do anything for me except exist happy and healthy in my arms.”

Virgil snorted. “You’re such a sap, you know that?”

“Yes, I do.”

The two stayed where they were in comfortable silence. Admiring the other, admiring the stars in their peripheral vision, relishing the magnificent feeling that came from being in each other’s arms.

“I had another question, you know.”

Roman hummed in acknowledgment.

“Why did you cast me as the cursed prisoner?”

“You were being annoying. Endearingly so, yes, but the fact still stands.”

“I’m always interrupting you with sarcasm,” Virgil said, shaking his head. “You wanted to save me, didn’t you? The prince, rescuing the prisoner. Very ‘damsel in distress’-esque, wouldn’t you agree?”

“Oh, give me a break. Who can blame me for wanting to save you, and what did you expect when I was given the opportunity?”

“It’s fine, Princey,” Virgil stated with a laugh. “It’s cute. Adorable, really. Very romantic.”

Roman groaned and gave his Virgil a kiss on the jawline. “Take it as a way to tell you that I will protect and save you from harm, especially throughout...whatever we have going on here.”

Virgil chuckled. “I can’t wait.”

The two heard the door to the Imagination open, but they didn’t move away from each other.

“Aww, you two,” Patton cooed. “I finished making dinner. Come now, kiddos, we’re already eating way too late.”

Virgil and Roman gave Patton a nod of acknowledgement and gave each other a short and final kiss before heading out of the Imagination.

~

Prince Charming Taglist -  @the-sympathetic-villain @justanotherhumanstuff @thistledown15

~

Hope you liked the next installment of this fic! Feel free to ask to be on the taglist, if you want.

[cheseyre]

good news, sluts! my brain's no longer being completely stupid (only mostly), i've seen the new asides and...have some thought-y thot thoughts:

*deep inhale*

Okay, first things first: this art style is soooo fucking cUTE and I'm a jealous, squealing bitch. Anyone who knows who the artist is, could you link me to them, stat? I think Thomas mentioned them at the beginning of the ep, but nYeh, brain hurt, doesn't wanna do wooork-

Okay, I'll admit, I was a little...apprehensive when I first saw the thumbnail and title. Part of it's just me being a bitter Remus Stan, but also...okay, deep breaths, controversial opinion time, get ready:

I don't ship Prinxiety.

Like, at all. 

I can see the appeal, and these dorks were so very, VERY cute in this particular ep, but I was honestly turned off by the ship long ago due to how overwhelmingly popular it is and how some fans characterize these two and treat this relationship as if it's the only valid one, y'know, the works—slight tangent, but that's also why I don't ship Logicality or Remile. I honestly vibe much better with ships like Roceit or Analogical, y'know?

Cutting in for another brief tangent: I'm surprisingly okay with Demus/Dukeceit/Receit/Trashnoodle/Whatever-Their-Ship-Name-Is-Oh-God-Why-Do-They-Have-So-Many-Fucking-Names; maybe it's cause they haven't actually interacted in canon and the fan content gives me such good Gay Disney Villain content, idk man im weird—).

Still, their interactions were both hilarious and sweet and like I said, I see the appeal, it's just not my cup of tea. y'all Prinxiety fans got fucking FED and I'm happy for you nerds. Enjoy ze happy boys!

I guess another factor in my...low-key hesitance when I first saw what the ep was about is that...okay, get ready, another controversial opinion, le gasp: well, I'm not a big Virgil fan. In fact, at times, he swaps places with Patton as my least favorite sides—especially with some of his recent behavior in eps like DWIT (the "prohibit your breathing comment" really triggered me, for example). Sometimes, his attitude, especially around other sides like Roman or Janus, reminds me a little too much of my sister, who I don't have...a very good relationship with. Add to that how the more...intense side of the fandom has a disturbing tendency to turn him into the 'uwu precious woobie emo baby who can do no wrong' while unnecessarily villainizing other CERTAIN sides in the process, and...I think you all see where I'm going with this little rant 😅

However, upon actually watching the ep, he wasn't...that bad? I don't think? I enjoyed watching him be a flustered, disaster-y mess and genuinely excited at the end, his interactions with Roman were nice enough, and him literally pushing Thomas to make a move with Nico despite his obvious panic attack was a nice moment of genuine character development. I like seeing that, that's the good shit right there. And him being all flustered and shit, and smiling so much at the end of the vid was just...well, adorable. This man has no fucking right to be this cute, my god

alsoooo 

pURPLE EYESHADOW

PURPLE EYESHADOW HE LOOKS?? SO GOOD?? WTF?? SLAY EMO, SLAAAAAAAY FUCK, DOES THIS MEAN I HAVE TO CHANGE MY HALLOWEEN COSTUME NOW?

alsoooo 

hAPPY ROMAN

YESSSSS~ MAH BOI MAH SON MAH DUMB BITCH HIMBO PRINCE MAH EXTRA MESSY CINNAMON ROLL

ITS  BEEN SO  LONG

AND HIS LITTLE HEART EYES THROUGHOUT THE VID, OH MY GOD-

IMMA JUST IGNORE THAT "ADDING [MISTAKE] TO THE LIST" COMMENT I AM LOOKING AWAY I DO NOT SEE IT LALALALALA

THOMATHY, SIR, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT MAKING THESE TWO GAY IDIOTS SO BAEBY

Okay, but Virgil not realizing that "cyberstalking in real life" is literally just stalking is both a big ass mood and further proof that, yes, Logan is indeed the only one holding the braincell out of this disaster of a lot. God help them all if he ducks out in the next ep.

👀

And Thomas x Trash Can is my new OTP.  I dub thee ✨ "Trashmas" ✨

we sTAN TRASHMAS

Wait, does that mean Remus actually WAS in the ep? Cause, y'know, trash man?

hmmm

👀 👀 

Okay, okay. 

With how much Virgil and Roman were going off about Thomas constantly lying, I was (understandably) a tad bit disappointed my snek son didn't even make a fucking cameo, but y'know what? In hindsight, I'm okay with this it's fineee~

He was just off playing with shadow puppets and stealing money from us desperate, content-starved peasants with his sheer extra-ness and, honestly? Gotta respect the hustle. 

Get that precious, precious coin, dapper snake! Wring us poor losers dryyyy!

*evil snek laugh*

Also, this is a breather ep and adding Janus in probably would've caused unnecessary drama with the Roceit breakup and the constant antagonism between Virgil and him. It probably would've distracted from the point of the ep (flirting with social anxiety, exactly what it says in the tin)—much like it wasn't really Virgil or Remus's place to show up during POF. Does that make sense? I think it makes sense. Sorry, brain going brr-

Still, I can't believe the "Fuck Janus Sanders" Club is actually canon now 😂

God, first Patton in a skirt and now this. 

Thomas Sanders, you delight in fucking feEDING this gremlin nest of a fanbase, don’t you? You RELISH our screams of joy and pain and suffering, dON’T YOU?

What's next, actual canonical Janus and Remus interaction? Patton saying the fuck word? The Dragon Witch comes back? Janus's bowler hat gains sentience and takes over the world, Doris-style? What do you have planned, Thomas? Joan? WHAT ART THOU PLANNING, I MUST KNOW YOU HEATHENS YOU FIENDS-

And Virgil's little "would it be fair to him" comment, tho.

👀

Like, I get in the context of the ep, he was likely talking about Nico and how it wouldn’t be good for a potential relationship with Tomas to be founded on lies, but still...my anxceit heart aches, man. 

Gimme that sweet, sweet angst with a side of mutual regret and possible future reconciliation and maybe something more wink wink nudge nudge on top, pls

...and fries.

Honestly, tho, that entire bathroom monologue was fucking beautiful, man. And relatable, too—i can't tell you how many times I've talked to myself in public restrooms because I just didn't know how to get the words I wanted to say out. It's...kind of embarrassing, tbh

Speaking of embarrassing, uh, crying stall guy.

Just...

Crying Stall Guy

Like, I was expecting someone to come out the bathroom stall after Thomas stopped talking, but...I honestly wasn't expecting that. God, that whole scene was so cringe worthy and fucking hilarious

Honestly, Thomas in the ep in general was a huge ass mOOD and we collective gay/bi disasters ALL related with him, and if you say you don't, you're either lying to yourself or a demon. 

There is no in between 

sorry I don't make the rules

Like, I get this series is literally a gay disaster talking to himself for thirty minutes or longer, but like- EMPHASIS on the 'disaster' part 😂

Like...Thomas, you're lucky you're such a goddamn bean, because GOD, I cringing so hard when he first started talking to Nico

Although, I too have apologized profusely for genuine mistakes and am a flustered bi mess around my crush sooo

😅

And god, Roman's "thirty = old man" jokes made me feel old...and I literally just turned twenty, like, come on, man!

Maybe that's because I was literally watching this ep after finishing my ACT and had been sitting with a bunch of high schoolers, with their tiny fucking desks and tiny fucking water fountains smeh

*clears throat*

Anyways, uh, we STAN Nico Pintrovert Florés in this house

Like

He gives me such big Carlos from WTNV vibes for some reason and this makes me sooo happy

and YESS, he's a WRITER

And he's??? So sweet?? A pure bean?? Just sits on his laptop at the mall food court all day, like a god-fucking iCON?? A Nightmare Before Christmas fan?? weARS GLASSES??

my hEART

*cries*

The fandom seems torn between "Nicomas" and "Karrot Kings" as a ship name atm—personally speaking, I'm casting my vote for the latter

*crosses fingers* please dont be another janus x remus multiple ship name issue guys, please please please I can't keep track of them all-

*clears throat*

On that note, I'm guess I'm gonna go try and whoo over my crush with carrots now. If THIS disaster can do it and make it actually fucking work, god damnit, so cAN I

Meanwhile, in hell, my brain's just screaming "CANON LOVE INTEREST CANON LOVE INTEREST CANON LOVE INTEREST-"

God, I hope Nico isn't just a one-shot character, he's too pure and Thomas and him are adorable gay Disney fans and I stan

Oh, I wonder how the other sides'll react to him.

Wait.

Oh god.

Oh god.

This ep just unleashed a new fresh hell of potential Nico x Sides ships, hasn't it?

Welp, time to prepare for ze incoming flood of fanfics, I guess. I'll get my umbrella and rain boots.

That last shot of Virgil during the endcard was so fucking ominous oh my god mom im scared can you come pick me up-

Goddammit, Thomas and Joan, I'm NOT fucking ready to be traumatized again, fUCK

I wish I wasn't a broke ass university student so I could contribute to Thomas's gloriously extra Patreon—both so I can support my favorite content creators who make this amazing blessed content and also, to join my boi Janus in fucking  destroying society by giving money to the people who actually deserve it, fuck YOU GOVERNMENT-

Okay. 

Okay. 

New headcanon time as to why Patton, Remus, and Logan weren't in the ep: they were helping Jan film that Patreon promotional video. 

Like

Remus directed it, Logan helped with the lighting and script, and Patton was just there as the cheerleader. 

The reason Janus made a dog with shadow puppets wasn't just to flaunt his deity status and prove how he is truly above us mere wretched mortals 

despite that being the absolute truth and we all know it, don't lie to yourselves

No, it was really him trying to do something cute and silly for Patton, because Moceit rights, daMMIT

*inhales*

noww 

guys, gals, and nonbinary pals

it’s time forr

the most wonderful time of the yearrr

WAITING FOR THE NEXT EPISODE

Step right up, folks! Hear ye, hear ye, my prediction for the next episode: Prinxiety v. Moceit! With special guest stars: Karrot Kings vibing in adorable gay and Intrulogical, bitter at being excluded aGAIN

Who will win? Who will lose? 

here’s a hint: we all will because in this sick twisted game they are no winners only losers-

Place your bets, folks! ✨

Haha im not readyyy~

tl;dr

this episode has cleared my skin, watered my crops, and ended my suffering—an adorable calm before the... angsty fucking shitstorm that’s coming far too soon. Prinxiety stans, enjoy your food. Place an 'F' in the chat for me and my fellow grieving Remus stans. Trashmas is the true OTP, but Karrot Kings is cute too I guess. I've only had Nico Florés for 24 minutes, but if anything happens to him, I'll kill everyone in this room and then myself. Purple eyeshadow Virgil makes me question my sexuality aGAIN, and happy gay disney prince rights y'all. Say a big ole 'fuck you' to capitalism by giving your local dapper snake moneys. Concussion makes brain go brr and imma go buy some carrots and be gay now.

psst hey @quarantinevibes2020​ you wanna join me in being disaster-y? i’ll bring my best gay stare and you bring the wine

Until next time, my lovelies! ~ Ches 🖤

[sanderssidesfanfiction]

Royal Growing Pains - Chapter Twenty Nine

A/N: Trigger warnings for MILD physical assault in this chapter!

Wow. So much has happened in my life since I last uploaded a chapter, I don't know where to begin...thank you all for waiting for this next chapter. It's a little off-the-walls and I didn't expect it to happen this way, but considering what happened in my life recently I honestly just couldn't continue the way I was currently going with the story without hurting both the characters and myself. Thank you for being so patient waiting!

Warnings: Homophobia, transphobia, misgendering, sympathetic Deceit

Royal Growing Pains Tag

They made their way to the ballroom quickly and Logan was waiting there, hands clasped in front of him as he stared expectantly at the entrance. “There you two are,” Logan said. “I certainly hope that the two of you are ready to dance, because I think it’s high time we move on from the waltz to some more casual moves for after your first dance.”

“Oh, joy,” Roman said sarcastically. “You want to teach me more ways to step on people’s toes?”

Logan’s lips twitched upward in the vague sense of a smile. “Come now, Roman, you’ve done well with the waltz, surely you can learn a few basic steps.”

“I know how to waltz and to Cha-Cha Slide, and that’s it,” Roman said, completely deadpan.

Damien muffled a howl of laughter next to Roman and Roman felt himself grin, just a little bit.

Logan wasn’t nearly as amused as Damien was. “Roman, you’re learning to dance, like it or not,” Logan warned.

“Oh, so you’re threatening me now? That’s what’s going on?” Roman asked. “You’re gonna threaten me until I dance with you? Then fine, pretty boy, let’s dance. Don’t expect Damien to like it.”

Logan strode forward and swept Roman away from Damien with a small smile. “He doesn’t have to like it. He just has to know I have the power to fail his classes if I so wish.”

“That’s blackmail!” Damien snapped. “Give me back my fiancé!”

Logan glanced over his shoulder at Damien and calmly said, “No.” When he turned back to Roman, he said, “Okay, so I think we should go over the specifics of swing dancing...”

Before he could say anymore, Logan was ripped away from Roman by Damien, who had his teeth bared in a growl. “No. My fiancé. Not yours. Mine.”

Roman laughed out loud at that. “Wow, Logan, I’ve never seen someone reduce Damien to two word sentences like that!”

Logan adjusted his glasses and stared unamused at Damien. “You two still have to learn to dance, and you’ll step all over each other in more complicated steps if you do not have an expert teaching you each step separately.”

“You’re not dancing with my fiancé,” Damien repeated, scowl firm on his face.

“And why not?” Logan asked. “I’m not trying to steal him from you, Damien.”

Roman glanced over Logan’s shoulder and saw his mother enter the room. But before he could say anything, let alone formulate a warning to the others, Damien exclaimed, “It doesn’t matter if you’re trying to steal him, all that matters is if you succeed or not!”

“I sincerely hope you’re not planning a kidnapping, young man,” his mother scolded Damien.

Damien turned to Roman’s mother, a retort clearly threatening to break loose, and with it, bring hell. Before Roman could think, he had his arms draped over Damien’s shoulders and was pulling him down until they were millimeters from kissing, their breath intermingling in the air. “Don’t do it,” he murmured. “She’s not worth it.”

“Someone has to,” Damien shot back. “She doesn’t run this kingdom. My family does.”

“Let that someone be me,” Roman said.

“My love, if I see her snap at you, I may just go entirely feral,” Damien warned. “Dinner after you left was not pleasant while I was there. And she’s making me inch ever closer to my wit’s end.”

Roman sighed and backed up, shoving Damien backwards and saying, “I can handle myself, you realize,” at a normal volume.

“I’m not saying you can’t,” Damien said.

“Well, you’re acting like Logan is going to secretly kidnap me from the castle and run off to marry me in your stead, and you’re acting like my mother is going to destroy me. So you not saying that I can’t handle myself isn’t getting you very far,” Roman said.

“My love...” Damien blew out a frustrated breath. “I don’t want to see you hurt, and it would kill me to see you run off with someone else.”

“I already hurt,” Roman said with a small shrug. “And why would I run off with someone else?”

“Because I’m just...me,” Damien said, sounding a little lost as to why Roman was asking. “And I can’t think of anyone who would want me as the disaster I am.”

“I can,” Roman said simply.

“Who?”

“Me,” Roman said, crossing his arms and cocking a hip. “I love you whether you’re a disaster or not. And I’m not leaving you for anyone. So you don’t have to worry about me running off.”

“I still don’t want to see you hurt,” Damien insisted.

“That doesn’t mean that you can just fight my mother whenever you feel like it,” Roman said. “That’s my job.”

His mother scoffed.

Roman turned to her. “I’d say I’m doing a pretty good job too, right, Mother?”

“Your ‘job’ is to respect me, young lady, and you’ve been doing terrible work at it.”

Roman, not for the first time, but possibly for the last, felt something inside him snap. “Yeah, well, whatever.”

“Whatever?” his mother repeated dumbly.

“Yeah,” Roman said, widening his eyes and putting on an innocent expression. “What, I thought you knew that I didn’t care for your rules! I can’t respect you when you’ve been doing such a terrible job at respecting me and my boundaries. Respect is a two-way street, no matter the parties. I stand by that no matter who I’m presenting as. Roman or Veronica.”

His mother snarled and Roman stood his ground as she approached him. Damien stood next to Roman, not shielding him but making it known he wasn’t alone in this. A fact which Roman appreciated the more it looked like his mother might slap him. Damien must have been thinking similar, because he warned, “You lay one hand on Roman, and you won’t be staying to see the wedding.”

“I would never lay a hand on my dau—”

“—Son,” Damien warned softly. “Roman is your son, remember? He is trying to find out who he is, and part of that process involves you calling him his proper name, the one he chose, and using the gender he identifies as when referring to him.”

His mother got a set in her jaw that Roman recognized, and he barely stepped in front of Damien a second before his mother’s fist raised towards Damien’s jaw, and connected with Roman instead. Roman staggered backwards into Damien’s chest, and underneath all the overwhelming panic Roman felt he could hear a voice holler, “DIANA!” from the doorway.

“Oh my god,” Damien murmured. “Oh. My god. Roman, are you okay?!”

Roman couldn’t respond. His cheek throbbed and his chest was too tight and he couldn’t breathe because his mother just hit him, hard, and—

“Roman, my love, breathe with me, can you do that?” Damien asked, positioning one of Roman’s hands on his chest. “I’m going to breathe in and I want you to do that with me, okay? Breathe in now...”

Roman tried to follow the instructions, but his breath was shuddery and wrong and not at all like what Damien was doing. Damien was quietly encouraging him nonetheless, saying he was doing a good job and smiling with tears in his eyes.

There was shouting overhead, and Logan seemed to be recording with his phone as the Queen shouted at Roman’s mother and Roman’s mother screeched back. The yelling was not helping Roman’s breathing much, but feeling Damien’s chest move underneath his hand was something to focus on when he couldn’t hear Damien’s voice over the awful din.

The screaming continued, louder now, and there were people gawking in the room, most of them guards. A few of the guards were actually moving, grabbing onto his mother who was thrashing violently. “You can’t do this!” she howled. “You can’t do this!”

“I can and I will!” the Queen grit out. “You tried to assault my son and in the process injured your own! You are far from welcome here! If you so much as think about returning, I will have you imprisoned!”

“Veronica, get up, you’re leaving with me!” his mother yelled.

Roman sat there, still as a statue, panic somehow getting even more pronounced with that announcement.

“Veronica, get up!” his mother bellowed.

“All due respect, Your Majesty, which means no respect at all, fuck off,” Damien said. “Roman isn’t going anywhere. He and I are going to be married no matter what you say. He, as a man, will be marrying me, another man. Your son is transgender and gay, bitch! And he’s never going back with you, not if anyone in this castle has a say in it! Get lost!”

And with that proclamation, the guards led Roman’s mother out as Damien gave her double birds. Roman’s breathing slowed marginally, and everyone left in the room loosely surrounded him, not trapping him in but keeping an eye on him and reminding him that they were there. “Logan, did you get everything?” the Queen asked.

“Right down to Damien flipping her off,” Logan said calmly.

“Post it on the official Twitter,” the Queen said. “I want everyone to know that she is no longer welcome in this kingdom.”

“With pleasure, Your Majesty,” Logan said, starting to tap at his phone.

“They’re going to have a PR nightmare at home,” Damien said with an all-too-pleased grin.

Roman laughed hysterically and Damien’s attention was instantly on him again. “Sorry, Roman. Are you okay?”

“She’s gone,” Roman breathed. “I can’t believe the bitch is gone.”

“She can never hurt you again,” Damien promised.

Roman nodded, swallowing. “I don’t feel too good...”

“Do you need water? Something to eat? Somewhere to lie down?” Damien asked.

“Yeah,” Roman said dazedly.

“To which?”

“What?” Roman asked.

Damien blinked. “I think it’s high time I showed you to my bedroom, my love,” he said. “You could clearly use the rest. We can worry about dance practice tomorrow.”

“Mm...okay,” Roman sighed.

The rest of the conversation went over his head. “He’ll be okay, won’t he?” Damien. Highly concerned.

“It may take time and a lot of tears, dearheart, but I do believe he’ll recover.” The Queen.

“I just uploaded the video. It already has twenty hits.” Logan.

“I’m gonna look it up the second I get my hands on my laptop. I want to see that bitch suffer.” Damien.

The room grew quiet. Roman belatedly realized that he whimpered and was starting to tear up.

“Too soon?”

“Probably, dearheart.”

“Take him to your room, Damien. Focus on him. Don’t worry about anything else,” Logan said.

Damien nodded and picked Roman up bridal style. “I know this is usually reserved for after the wedding, my love, I hope you’ll forgive me,” Damien said.

Roman giggled inanely. Damien kissed Roman’s forehead, carried him out of the ballroom, through the halls, and up to his room, where Damien gently placed him on the bed.

And between the exhaustion and the adrenaline and the shock, Roman passed out in minutes.

Murmuring. A quiet murmuring sounding slightly tinny stirred Roman from his slumber. He opened his eyes, finding cool green walls and a canopy overhead. He had no idea where he was. He sat up in bed to find Damien, shirtless, next to him. Roman squeaked. “Please tell me I didn’t blackout during the marriage ceremony,” he blurted.

Damien laughed. “You didn’t blackout during the marriage ceremony,” he said, grinning. “You did, however, sleep well into midmorning the day after we kicked your mother out of the kingdom.”

Roman blinked, before last night came back to him in startling clarity. “Oh my god,” he breathed.

“Indeed,” Damien said. “Your family is about to hold a press conference about the video Logan posted last night. It went viral in just under an hour and a half.”

“Oh, I wanna see this for myself,” Roman said, scooching closer to Damien and eyeing the laptop on his lap.

Damien turned up the volume and the two of them watched as his mother, his father, and Remus came into view of the cameras. “This live?” Roman asked.

Damien hummed confirmation.

As the three of them sat down, Remus looked supremely uncomfortable, his father looked pained, and his mother looked pale as a ghost. There was no noise but the clicking of cameras for a solid fifteen seconds. Then, Remus blurted, “I do not agree with my mother’s actions whatsoever! It was despicable, reprehensible, and I’m frankly appalled at her behavior!”

The room exploded into a clamoring of reporters as their father snapped at Remus and his mother sat there, thoroughly shocked. “Remus, behave yourself! The plan was—”

“—Fuck your plans!” Remus exclaimed. “There is no excuse for my mother hitting my baby brother! I don’t care how large or short the difference between us being born is, you’re my baby brother, Roman, and I know you’re watching, and I want you to know I fully hate our parents too!”

Roman’s heart swelled with affection and Damien looked pleased. “Your brother is quite the colorful character,” Damien said.

“Oh, yeah,” Roman agreed. “He’s the best. And the worst. And there is no in between.”

Damien snorted as the pandemonium in the room quieted down. Remus pointed at one reporter. “Yes, you,” he said.

“Where is the other prince at this time?” she asked.

“I got a text from His Highness Damien. He has been taking care of Roman since the incident occurred. The two of them have gotten quite friendly and wish to continue with the marriage that our parents arranged for him,” Remus said candidly.

“Thank you for texting him,” Roman said.

“Of course,” Damien said. “I texted him right before he saw the video and he immediately peppered me with questions. I believe I might have been the one to talk him out of homicide.”

“Mm. Next time that happens wake me up so I can stop you,” Roman said idly.

Damien snickered as Remus pointed to another reporter. “Prince Remus, what do you intend to do about public outcry over your mother’s behavior?”

Remus got a Cheshire Cat smile and he purred, “I thought you’d never ask,” as he leaned forward. “Seeing as my mother stands by her behavior and calls the fact that she hit my brother an ‘unfortunate accident’ and my father has been doing damage control all night, it’s become clear to me that neither of them are exactly remorseful of their actions. Now, I’m not an idiot. I know the political climate in our country. And for the safety of my parents, as well as the safety of my brother, and whatever scraps of sanity I have left, I am proposing to Parliament a plan later today: force my parents to retire. I’m of legal age to be King, and I have already thought through who my advisors would be. This place needs an overhaul if the state of everything right now is anything to go by, and I am fully willing to put in the work and finish it.”

Their parents were looking murderous, but the second they started to object the reporters shouted them down. Roman pulled out his phone and dialed Remus. Remus leapt to his feet and yelled, “Everybody shut up a minute!” he answered. “Roman?”

“Put me on speaker?” Roman requested.

“Yeah, sure, if you’re ready for all the news stations in the world to hear you,” Remus said.

“I’m ready,” Roman said.

Remus pressed a button and Roman said, “To everyone in the press conference and everyone who’s watching at home, I’m all right.” It was weird hearing his voice echo through the computer, but he put that out of his mind and continued. “My parents have always been homophobic and transphobic, they’ve just been excellent at hiding it. I’m definitely going to continue marrying Damien, and everyone who was invited to that wedding is still invited, unless, of course, you are my parents or anyone who sides with my parents. Remus, thank you for standing up for me. I think you’d be a great King and I will happily come to your coronation. And, before I forget, news stations, turn on your censors! Fuck you, Remus, you’re only two minutes older than me!”

Remus laughed and a murmur went up among the reporters. “Thanks for that, Roman, that actually makes me feel a lot better. Of course, now that people know you’re conscious and have your phone, they’ll be trying to contact you.”

Roman paused. He hadn’t thought that far ahead. “Fuuuuck,” he groaned.

“That’s not very prince-like behavior,” Remus teased.

“Says the man who cussed out our parents on TV,” Roman snapped. “I’m done talking to you and the press folks. Talk after the conference.”

“Yep, later, bro,” Remus confirmed, and they hung up at the same time. Remus looked back out at the sea of reporters. “Any other questions?” he asked with a shark-like grin.

A clamor went up among the crowd and Damien turned the video on mute. “So, I’m happy you still want to go through with the wedding,” Damien said. “I was worried I was speaking out of turn when talking to Remus.”

“No, you’re good,” Roman said.

Damien let out a shaky breath. “Is it okay if I tell you my vows now? You don’t have to tell me yours, but I want to tell you mine.”

Roman considered. “Give me bullet points,” he said. “I want the actual vows to be a surprise, but you can give me bullet points.”

“Okay...” Damien hummed. “Love. Trust. Hope. That vague enough?”

“That’s perfect,” Roman said with a grin.

Damien rolled his eyes and unmuted the press conference and the two watched the scene unfold with Roman’s parents getting more and more mutinous the more Remus talked, but every time they tried to say something, Remus would either blackmail them into silence or the reporters would drown them out. When the conference was over, Remus walked out with his head held high and the guards escorted their parents out. The reporters were tossing around words like “unprecedented,” “inconceivable,” and “ground-breaking,” and one even went so far as to utter the word “coup.” Roman just snuggled into Damien’s side, content to let emails go left unread for a while, and he silenced his phone. Right now, he just wanted to rest with his fiancé right there with him.

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