#lmao will fandom police come after me now?

[spacemagicandlaserswords]

The Clone Wars 5.18 ‘The Jedi Who Knew Too Much' Reaction

I always like trying to spot which characters are in the background of big group scenes like this. So far I’ve spotted 3 admirals (Coburn, Yularen and Tarkin), assorted jedi, Master Sinube, Kit Fisto, Bail Organa and I think that’s Mon Mothma as well. 

Oh, hi again Barriss. Fancy seeing you here again! Funny that we keep meeting like this after so long.

I think that’s Ki-Adi-Mundi and Plo next to Barriss.

So, Barriss killed one of her childhood mentors? I’m probably going to collate my thoughts on Barriss at the end of this arc, rather than scattering them across various recaps. But so much of her characterisation here doesn’t make sense and doesn’t feel right, at all.

I’m not sure if I mentioned this in the recaps when Barriss first appeared, but why is she British?

There’s a shot of 6 beams of light going up from the floor so I’m presuming that means 6 Jedi died in the temple bombings, which seems like an awfully large amount. What were 6 Jedi doing in a hanger of the temple? 1 or 2, maybe 3 at a stretch, makes sense, but 6? I’m guessing this is a story telling decision to make it more impactful, rather than for any logical in-universe reason.

I really despise Tarkin.

Oh, so now the deaths of clones are convenient for you Tarkin. “Military matter” my arse.

Who are the military police? Is that not the Coruscant Guard? I know the general fandom take is that the Corries are saddled with having to do everything but is that the case in canon?

Ahsoka’s angry attitude is definitely going to come back and bite her in the arse later.

“Remember, revenge is not the Jedi way.” says the future DARTH VADER

“Nothing will ever change.” FORESHADOWING KLAXON

Ok, Tarkin is getting very close to being up there with Krell and Nolan. His fucking contemptuous finger waggle at Ahsoka. Ugh.

“I assure you that he [Palps] rarely does anything without a strategy.” Oh, if only you knew Tarkin. Or maybe he does? Hmmm.

Is Barriss a Jedi Knight here or is she still a Padawan? I haven’t seen Luminara anywhere so I’m guessing she’s a Knight by now.

Barriss seems a lot more conflicted and upset than I thought for someone that’s just bombed the Jedi temple and killed a childhood mentor who clearly meant a lot to her. Maybe she’s regretting what she’s done? Hmmm, not sure.

Saleucami! I hope Cut and Suu and the kids are doing ok.

Lmao that ominous brass section was not subtle. FOREBODING KLAXON

Why do they have the Venator shipping yards next to the prison?

That shot of the prison felt very Imperial Empire. All stark architecture, sharp shadows, black and white lighting, red flags and giant symbols everywhere. It’s interesting how Imperial iconography and visuals are starting to creep into Republic locations and situations. Something something visual metaphor about the end approaching.

Why is the memorial to the clones outside the prison? Or is this not the prison and is some other building? Is this the same clone memorial that Crosshair and Cody have their little chat in front of in The Bad Batch?

Corries! Wow, they do all match and have exactly the same armour paint. 

FOX!

That grumpy “Yes?” spoke volumes.

Fox, can you not cross your arms properly? What was that? I’m guessing it was more of a functional animation limitation than Fox not actually being unable to cross his arms. Insert your own fandom theories here about injuries that Palps inflicted on him while torturing him or similar that meant he can't cross his arms. Maybe he's got Force lightning burns across his back and it's painful and pulls when he moves too much.

The scan has Ahsoka standing there with her arms out but then the next shot of her is with her arms crossed? Continuity, hello?

At “Leave your comlink and lightsabers here.” Fox gestures down with his index and middle finger outstretched next to each other and oh boy did my mind go straight to the horny bin.

“Follow me.” Omg Fox did you have to say that in such a low, husky voice? That had a distinct feel of ‘Come with me if you want to live’ about it. If Fox basically whispered that to me it’d be “Sir, yes Sir, immediately Sir, however you want me Sir.”

The reference to the first 4 notes of the Imperial March theme there was pretty damn obvious. I remember reading a really interesting theory that Fox was a prototype for Vader and basically functioned as Palps’ attack dog before he turned Anakin to the Dark Side. I wish I could find it again because it was a fascinating read and might explain the presence of the Imperial March here. The music for the entire scene from when Ahsoka entered the prison was particularly foreboding, which makes sense seeing as it’s a prison. However, I’m not entirely sure who the theme is referencing because I don’t think it’s Ahsoka and Anakin isn’t here. Or perhaps it’s just adding to the general foreboding atmosphere. It’s entirely possible I’m reading too much into this.

Surely there are cameras and microphones recording this information that Letta is telling Ahsoka?

Is Barriss Force choking Letta from outside the prison? If so, then she’s fallen quite a long way to the Dark side because that seems like quite a powerful use of the Force.

That shot from the camera in the cell is definitely going to make it look like Ahsoka is the one choking Letta. And how convenient, the feed from that camera just cut out too.

Lmao Fox didn’t even hesitate. He was ready to fuck shit up. 

Oh hey, Fox also duel wields. 

Hmmm, I’m not sure how I feel about Fox immediately arresting Ahsoka. I think this is another example of the struggle I have with canon Fox vs fanon Fox. I’m going to have to collate my thoughts on that somewhere as well, probably after the chip conspiracy arc *sobs*. I think I’ve come to the realisation that I’m going to have to treat them as completely separate characters. I adore the version of Fox that the fandom has created. And every time I see the tiny bits of canon Fox that we get, it’s almost like a disappointment compared to the depth and layers of fanon Fox, to the point that canon Fox almost feels out of character. I know he doesn’t have any choice in the matter (none of the clones do) and I’m viewing this from an outside perspective looking in. I guess it’s more of an interesting conundrum to be aware of.

That shot of the prison felt even more evil Imperial Empire than the first one.

Great, fucking Tarkin again. Accompanied by hints of the Imperial March while marching down a stark corridor with harsh, ominous lighting. Definitely leaning on the Imperial Empire visuals this episode.

Called it. The footage from the cell is being used to frame Ahsoka as choking Letta. And the sound didn’t work either. How convenient.

Called it again. Tarkin using Ahsoka’s earlier attitude against her. Attitude doesn’t feel like the right word but it’s far too early in the morning and I can’t think of the right one.

Tarkin makes understandable points if this was some kind of detached, impersonal debate about an imaginary situation. But it’s not. He’s just being a deliberately abusive bastard. Definitely getting up there with Krell and Nolan.

Anakin being very Dark Side there when threatening Fox.

Who is helping Ahsoka escape? Is it Barriss? I don’t think it’s Anakin because he arrives after Ahsoka escapes. Plus clones were killed and injured and while we just saw Anakin threaten them and be all very Dark Side about it, I don’t think he’s fallen far enough to that level of Sithliness yet. 

Utterly unnecessary acrobatics but ok.

“If you see the target, shoot to kill.” Oh no, that is some painful foreshadowing right there.

Fucking yes, thank you Rex. Knew we could count on Rex to believe in Ahsoka. 

“Then who did?” Fox asking the question we’re all wondering.

Why is Anakin telling Rex to call security when Fox, the Commander of the Coruscant Guard, is right there? Surely he is the security?

How does Anakin telling Rex to tell security to search the entire base translate to an all-points bulletin on Ahsoka?

You can really tell from Rex’s voice how much this is affecting him. How he can’t believe that Ahsoka could do this. It was almost like he didn’t want to issue the order that he had to. I’m really glad that someone apart from Anakin believes Ahsoka, and that it’s Rex. Of course we could rely on our king. He can’t actually do anything to help her though. None of the clones can. They’re slaves. They have to follow orders. But at least we actually get to see that Rex doesn’t believe Ahsoka is capable of this and that he believes her, and believes in her. We’ve seen Rex’s belief and trust in Ahsoka crop up a few times now. The most obvious being his defence of her to Tarkin in the Citadel arc. 

Complete switch of tone but Rex, do you ever clean your armour? I know he’s busy fighting a war and all that but I’ve noticed his armour being especially dirty in a number of episodes now. It’s particularly noticeable on his bucket. That’s a lot of gunk and grime across the top of his visor.

Wtf is that giant vehicle and isn’t that just a little bit of overkill for trying to find one Jedi Padawan? I feel like there’s a point about excessive police violence in there somewhere.

So many of the shots of the prison feel very Imperial Empire. They’d barely have to change anything to make the switch from the Republic to the Empire. That’s probably the point too.

Grizzer!

Hound sounded distinctly Aussie there. More funkiness happening with the clones' accents.

Thunder and lightning? That is hilariously on the nose.

Clone troopers shooting like stormtroopers. Fanon Fox would not stand for this lack of accuracy from his Corries. He has standards and he expects them to be met.

Jhc they just used a canon to fire on a child. Fuck me that is far too excessive.

“Set weapons to stun.” The foreshadowing is causing me great, deep pain.

Ahsoka is deflecting stun bolts so I’m guessing the training that happens in episode 5 ‘Practice Makes Perfect’ of Tales of the Jedi has happened already? I wish I could find a resource of where all these episodes happen in the timeline and around which dates they happen as well.

We need to talk about the kama, because I am now utterly befuddled about which clones can get one. 

Hound has a kama, but he’s an ARF (Advanced Recon Force) Scout Trooper. 

The other ARF trooper in the Coruscant Guard also has a kama. 

Fox has a kama and he’s a clone commander and the Commander of the Coruscant Guard but he isn’t listed as having ARC training. 

I think I’ve seen other Corrie Guard commanders with kama’s as well. 

Rex, Fives and Echo (and eventually Jesse) all have kama's and they are ARCs. 

Cody is a clone commander and The Marshal Commander but he doesn’t have a kama and isn’t listed as having ARC training (I cannot believe that The Marshal Commander Cody doesn’t have ARC training but that’s another point for another time). 

Ponds had a kama and was a clone commander but isn’t listed as having ARC training. 

Bly is a Marshal Commander and has ARC training and has a kama. 

Wolffe is a clone commander and has a kama but isn’t listed as having ARC training (I also can’t believe that Wolffe doesn’t have ARC training either but that’s the same point as Cody so for another time). 

Keeli was a captain, not a commander, isn’t listed as having ARC training but did have a kama. 

So what decides whether a clone can have a kama or not? I thought it was an ARC thing but clearly not seeing as other clones that aren’t ARCs can have one.

They’re mobilising a giant rolling tank thing and gunships to hunt down a child? This is definitely beyond excessive. I know at this point Ahsoka is considered armed and dangerous but she’s also A Child. This just feels completely excessive and cruel. And not that far removed from the Empire, which, again, is probably the point.

And now it’s raining. Because of course it is.

“Do not shoot to kill.” I hate all of this foreshadowing. All of it.

What are these pipelines supposed to be for? I’m guessing not petrol seeing as nothing has exploded yet.

That is a lot of skill from Ahsoka to be able to deflect multiple repeated stun bolts while sprinting flat out.

Did you just really fire on a child with a fucking rocket launcher?!

Oddball, what are you doing? I know you’re just following orders but you don’t have to sound so gleeful about it. Also, why is his helmet yellow? Actually that kind of looks like 212th orange. I thought Oddball was in the 501st? A quick google says he’s in the 212th but none of the search results seem particularly definitive or legit. If he is part of the 212th, what is he doing on Coruscant? We saw Obi-Wan on a holocall at the start of the episode talking about going to the Anoat system so presumably the 212th is there, and not on Coruscant?

Is this the first time we see Ahsoka do the move of cutting a hole in the floor with her lightsaber?

Ah, so the pipes are for water. Or at least I think they are.

Anakin is looking particularly conflicted and upset throughout all of this.

TW: Discussion of abuse below. If you want to skip this, it's the section between the three dashes '---'

---

That exchange at the end between Ahsoka and Anakin was very interesting. Anakin is making some fairly reasonable and understandable points, which is intriguing given he’s characterised as the opposite of that most of the time. It’s another insight into how complex of a character he is. I think TCW has done a very good job of showing not only the depth and complexity to Anakin’s character but also how much more there was to his fall to the Dark Side. He is undoubtedly aggressive, possessive, abusive, and dangerous. Yet he’s also being groomed by a monster in a position of power that no one even notices or realises before it’s all too late. He was also a slave and had an abusive and traumatic childhood and seems to falling into the pattern of how abusees can often turn into abusers.

Amongst all of this, you can also see how much he cares for those who mean a lot to him. He and Rex are the only ones that believe Ahsoka, but Anakin is the only one in any meaningful position of power with the ability to do something about it. It’s plainly obvious how much he cares for Ahsoka.

However, that care and belief still veers too far into aggression and possession and he continues to cross the line multiple times with unacceptable actions and behaviour. I wonder if he lets Ahsoka go at the end of the episode because he trusts her or because he doesn’t know what to do?

---

Ahsoka was also making wholly valid and understandable points, which I think Anakin knew as well, even as he was trying to convince her to come back. Is this the first time we hear Ahsoka call Anakin by his first name? She usually calls him ‘Master’ or ‘Skyguy’ and her use of his first name here feels particularly personal and loaded with meaning. I’m glad Ahsoka knows that at least Anakin trusts and believes her, even when no one else does.

I wanted to include this gif because look at Rex looking like James Bond in the background being framed by the pipe.

Then this gif and the two above made me realise another thing about Anakin.

TW: Discussion of abuse and domestic violence below. If you want to skip this, it's the section between the three dashes '---'

---

As much as Anakin cares about Ahsoka and is trying to help her, his possession and controlling is very evident here. The way he said "I would never let anyone hurt you Ahsoka" felt very much like something a domestic abuser would say after hurting their partner. Or what a possessive and controlling domestic abuser would say to their partner. There's a dangerous and desperate edge to it. You can also see Anakin doesn't agree with what Ahsoka is doing and is angry at her for not doing it his way. He thinks his way is the best way to try and fix this and of course he immediately gets pissed as soon as someone doesn't do what he says and follows what he thinks should be done. Anakin is refusing to let Ahsoka go, even while trying to help her. His possession and controlling is still here, even if it isn't as overt as when he's with Padmé.

---

The voice acting throughout TCW has been pretty damn excellent and Ahsoka is no different. Ashley Eckstein did a fantastic job. But it felt like it stepped up another level, particularly in that exchange between Ahsoka and Anakin at the end. There was so much emotion and upset and betrayal in Ahsoka’s voice. 

There is the subtlest of hints of the Imperial March after Ahsoka jumps and we get a shot of Anakin, Rex and Fox at the mouth of the tunnel, followed by a shot of Ahsoka falling. It’s very subtle, probably the subtlest I’ve heard throughout the whole series but it’s definitely there. The intervals between the notes of the Imperial March are very distinct. Again, I’m not sure what it’s referencing or emphasising here. Probably Anakin seeing as he does turn into Darth Vader. But like the scene earlier where Ahsoka first enters the prison, it also feels slightly out of place. Usually when the Imperial March turns up, it’s fairly clear that it’s referring to Anakin, like when he killed Merrik in ‘Voyage of Temptation’. It could also be a misdirection to make Ahsoka appear to be falling to the Dark side. Though that doesn’t entirely make sense seeing as we know that she didn’t kill Letta and is being set up. Hmmm. 

I know it’s meant to be a big climactic ending to the episode but couldn’t Anakin just follow Ahsoka and jump down onto the ship that she’s standing on that’s floating down the giant tunnel? And couldn’t Fox just comm some Corries to follow the ship and meet it when it lands? He is the Commander of the Coruscant Guard after all.   

That episode was intense and A Lot. And there’s still 2 episodes of this arc to go. Oof.

[lord-squiggletits]

Another thing that puzzles me about the hate around IDW OP's personality, is that I don't get how people can want to see good/righteous OP protecting others, but also don't like it when he's mean or violent?

Bc idk if people knew this, but fighting against evil tends to involve a lot of violence and killing and being "mean" to the people who are being absolute fuckheads putting other people in danger. Being a good person trying to fight against evil tends to make a person jaded when they keep fighting evil and evil just keeps coming back for more again and again.

I mean, off the top of my head, some of the evils Optimus faces (in phase 2/3, which is where most of the criticism that isn't just "he's a cop" resides) include attempted genocide/colonization, racism and prejudice, police brutality, political manipulation, tyranny, serial murder/hate crimes, and MORE!

I swear this fandom is full of "punch fascists" and "the revolution will be violent by necessity" enthusiasts, yet for some reason when Optimus responds to the various evils he faces by being curt, closed off, distrusting, angry, or violent, he's evil? All of that "some evils can only be defeated with violence/fascists don't deserve mercy/respectability politics are stupid" energy suddenly evaporates when it comes to Optimus for some reason lmao, and then half the fandom is complaining about how IDW OP is "mean" to characters like Prowl or Starscream for doing things that are actively, unequivocably evil sdlfkajds. I thought that being nice and nonviolent <<< retaliating against evil and tyranny?

As an example, from what I can tell, from the first moment it was published all the way to the present day, people in this fandom have been pissing their pants over Optimus being up Prowl in prison and it's like??? Prowl tried to kill an entire planet of people in pursuit of his own aims?? He knew his actions were going to kill millions and his response to being called out for this was to go "don't care, I'm right, I have no regrets". But when Optimus beats him up all the sudden violence is bad and Optimus is an asshole for... being pissed and punishing Prowl for nearly committing genocide?? Because I guess all the sudden NOW we're supposed to be nice to wannabe tyrants/prospective mass murderers? It's completely unforgivable for Optimus to do what he did? Optimus had no reason to beat up Prowl, he only did it because he sucks and is an asshole??? Please.

Or how about when Starscream was doing shit like ignoring Decepticons being impoverished and driven into ghettos, employing secret police that kill/imprison Starscream's enemies at will, and trying to steal protoforms/newsparks to use as his own loyal forces, yet the primary thing people have to say about it is criticizing Optimus for "going behind Starscream's back" because "Starscream is the elected reader, Optimus has no right". As if Starscream wasn't evil? As if he didn't literally murder his election competitor and lie about his death to get himself elected? The whole theme of "the government isn't infallible and should be deposed when the planet's leaders are tyrants" suddenly flew out of people's ears when it comes to Optimus, and now all of the sudden Optimus is a bastard and a total meanie to Starscream for daring to dislike Starscream and work against him in secret?

It's just so fucking weird to me that people want Optimus to be a good guy and fight the good fight against bad guys, but when Optimus does exactly that by treating bad guys with the distrust/scorn/anger they deserve (sometimes less than that, after all Optimus is merciful at heart), suddenly that's proof of how much of a bastard he is??

It's weird how when it comes to, say, Functionism and the Decepticon movement, the fandom understands perfectly well that evil should be met with retaliation and people have no obligation to be nice to tyrants. But I guess Optimus alone has to be held to some impossible standard where he has to be a Good Guy who does Good Things, but he also can't ever be mean or angry or retaliate against bad guys being bad guys? All the sudden that's evidence of him being a shitty person instead of, idk, a guy trying to fight against evil with all the means available to him?

What's so hard to understand about the fact that sometimes in order to be good, sometimes people have to be Not Nice to get things done? Or, failing that, that a character might fall short of noble ideals of mercy/fairness, be overcome by frustration and anger and vengeance, and lash out with violence and harsh words against people who do wrong? Both of those possible behaviors are perfectly understandable in the context of what IDW OP was dealing with. I'd be pissed off and curt with people too if I was dealing with the number of insufferable villains and shitty actions that Optimus was dealing with.

TLDR: People will cheer "this machine kills fascists" and then go surprised pikachu face when the machine kills fascists. Then they call the machine evil for killing fascists and talk about how the machine should've been nicer and less violent and not tried to overthrow the fascist because he was democratically elected so that means his rule is unquestionably good, right???

[the-cult-of-russo]

Endorphins (Part 3)

Pairing: Reader/Billy Russo

Warnings: cursing, angst, pain, the usual dark shit. I don't wanna tag it too like specifically to keep the suspense alive lmao the usual Punisher type of bullshit. It’s nothing you haven’t read before if you’ve read my other angsty shit.

A/N: Soooo this was a request but it turned into multiple parts because I got carried away. And I don't wanna put the request on here like I usually do because of spoilers lmaooo

But to answer the rest of your ask anon, I know, I was away awhile. Life hasn’t been kind to me and then I ended up knee-deep in another fandom lmao But I’m back babeeeyyyy!! ;)

Also, the name of this series is from a Don Broco song with the same name. If you don’t know who they are, check them out. They’re my fav band and I love them. 

I got endorphins running through my veins

I got endorphins keeping me awake

No, I can't help making big mistakes

I gotta give it up up, give it up

I got endorphins running through my veins

I got endorphins keeping me awake

But I can't help make 'em anyway

I gotta give it up up, give it up

—-----

It was a few days after Billy had been shot and you’d been secretly contacting landlords. You knew Billy wouldn't be happy about it but he seemed in no rush to get you to leave and it was getting hard to be around him so much after what happened. So far though, there hadn’t been anything good you felt comfortable with taking. You might have been in a rush, but you weren’t about to just take any place. You wanted it to be right. You slipped into Billy’s office after knocking and getting no answer. You knew he wouldn't mind you being in his office on your own, you’d done it plenty of times by now. All you needed was a file for the meeting the next day. You wanted to go over it to make sure you had all your ducks in a row. You were planning on taking it back with you to study over night. You tried the filing cabinet but it was locked so you moved over to Billy’s desk. You knew the key was around there somewhere. You cursed yourself for losing yours. With no sign of it on his desk, you opened one of his drawers. But your hunt for the key was long forgotten as you saw a case file with your name on it. 

You blinked at it for a moment before glancing to the door and then back to the file. You weren't sure why you had a file or why it was in here. Maybe it was a personnel file. You shrugged, grabbing it, figuring you'd put it back in the filing cabinet. Curiosity bit at you though. You wondered what was in there. It felt pretty thick. You wouldn't look though, it wasn't in your job to look and it would break Billy’s trust. So once you found the key to the filing cabinet, you made your way back over. As the drawer jostled open, the file slipped from your hands and pictures scattered on the floor. Your blood ran cold when you saw them. They were pictures of you. You crouched quickly, flipping through the mountain of pictures as your heart picked up uncomfortably. They looked like surveillance pictures or something. You getting groceries, you walking home, you doing everyday things. And worst of all, they weren't all recent. Some were from the year before and some from the year before that. Ones of you coming out of your old job, some with your colleagues. There were pictures of you outside of your apartment and even a few of you in your apartment window on the phone. You felt sick. You moved the pictures out of the way to the pile of papers behind of them. Medical records. There was the record of you going to the hospital after Billy insisted that you be checked out when you were mugged. One from when you broke your arm two years ago after taking a tumble at work. How the hell did he get these? They were confidential. The paper after that had your body seize up. It was some kind of police record. The mugshot staring at you was the man who mugged you. Leonard Yates. He’d been arrested for multiple things and his release date from prison had been the day before you’d gotten mugged. Your head was spinning as you tried to understand what you were looking at. It didn't make sense for Billy to have these things. This wasn’t normal things to have on your employees. Or your best friend. These were surveillance pictures and personal and confidential information. Things he shouldn't have. And who the hell had taken these pictures? You thought you’d gotten to know Billy pretty well over your time here at Anvil, especially staying with him. But looking at this now, you felt like you didn't know him at all and it terrified you. You’d spent so much time with him, bonded so much. And yet, he had all of these weird things stored in his desk the whole time.

You heard the door and panicked, scooping the contents back in the file and standing up so fast your head spun. You clutched the file to your chest, keeping your name facing you as Billy walked in.

“Hey, you need somethin’?” he asked, closing the door behind him. You tried to calm yourself. You didn’t want to confront him, you were far too scared and confused right now. You just wanted to leave. You didn't want him to know anything was wrong. Your brain was having a hard time adjusting to what you’d found and that it was your Billy that had this stuff. If it was just the papers and not the pictures, you might have asked him about it. You normally felt comfortable enough with him, trusted him with your life. But after seeing all of those pictures, you felt uncomfortable. A dread prickling at you that screamed at you to run. For the first time, you didn't trust him at all.

“I just needed the file on McDaniels. Thought I’d take it with me tonight and read up,” you smiled, willing your heart to calm down before it beat out of your chest. Billy nodded, eyes going to the filing cabinet, his desk and then the file in your hands in quick succession and you felt unable to breathe.

“You find it alright?” he asked. He didn't sound like he suspected anything and you let out a shaky breath as you nodded.

“Yeah. I’ll leave you to it,” you smiled, rushing past him and to the door. Just as you had it open slightly, his hand was on it slamming it shut. You whimpered, body seizing up as he stood over your shoulder, strong arm keeping the door shut. 

“You really shouldn’ta snooped, Y/N,” he sighed from behind you. His voice felt rough in your ears but there was an air of resignation to it.

“I didn’t. I was just looking for the file and I found it,” you bit out, you knew it was futile though. You both knew it. He grabbed your arm and moved you away from the door, putting himself between you and it. You felt your legs shake slightly as you tried to figure out how to get out of the situation you found yourself in. How did it come to this? That your best friend was the one you were afraid of?

“Please just let me leave, Billy,” you begged softly, your voice almost a whisper. He tilted his head at you as he rolled his shoulder.

“You know I can’t do that. Not now you’ve seen shit you weren't supposta see,” he muttered as he shook his head. He wore an odd expression you’d never seen directed at you before. It was intense. A mixture of sadness and anger. Disappointment. 

"I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for what's in the file. I'm sure you have them on everyone who works here," you weren't sure who you were trying to convince at this point. He laughed incredulously, brows raising as he gave you a look.

"That's funny. See… that was what I was gonna say if you ever found it. Yet now, here we are and even I know you don't believe that. I shoulda known you were smarter than that," he looked amused and it only unsettled you even more. He looked nothing like the Billy you’d grown to care for.

"Sit down," he commanded as he gestured to the sofa across the room before snatching the file from your hands. All you wanted to do was flee the room but you knew you had no chance. As soft and kind as he'd been with you, you knew how lethal he could be. You had no chance. So you obediently moved over to the sofa and sat down. Billy tossed the file onto the coffee table in front of it before he sauntered over to a cupboard to pour a drink. Your eyes darted from him to the door. You really didn't think you'd make it. His reflexes were scary. You could scream since some people were still in the building but he could easily snap your neck before anyone got close enough to help you. You were broken out of your morbid thoughts by Billy thrusting a glass of what looked to be bourbon in your hands before he plonked himself onto the table. Now he was sitting opposite you and far too close for comfort. He took a long pull of his drink, rolling his shoulder and working his jaw. 

"You wanna know the truth about why I gave you this job?" He asked pointedly. His dark eyes were too much to bear and you looked down at your drink, a feeling of dread curling low in your stomach.  When you didn't give him an answer he decided to continue. 

"I've been watchin' you for the past two years," he stated it so casually, like he was talking about the weather and your eyes snapped up to him then, wide and panicked. You should have gathered that from the pictures but you'd naively hoped he wasn't behind the pictures and that he'd just acquired them. The invasion of your privacy made your skin crawl and you felt sick.

"Mr Johnson used to talk about you all the time. I didn't get it. Didn't get why you were so special. At one point I figured you were fuckin' him or some shit but I knew he'd be talkin' about it if he was. And then…" he trailed off with a light laugh, licking his lower lip before he took another pull of his drink. "Then I met you at that ball. Soon as I laid eyes on you it felt like I'd been hit by a damn Mack truck. I wanted you. And all night you were out of reach. And when you finally do come my way, you give me a breezy hello before you prance right back off again. Like you looked right through me and I wasn't even there," he murmured softly before laughing again.

"And you know… I think it just made me want you even more," he chuckled, shaking his head. You really didn't know what to say. You felt many things and none of them good. The worst part was knowing if Billy had approached you again that night, you probably would have gone along with it. You'd never have known the darkness that lay inside of him. The man sitting right in front of you was like a completely different person to the one you knew and it was terrifying. 

"You've got no idea how many times I asked Mr Johnson to let you go. To let me have you. Everytime I offered him money, it didn't matter what amount, it was always the same answer. You were priceless. And I mean, I agree with him, but it didn't exactly give me what I wanted so I had to take matters into my own hands," he smirked darkly. Your heart faltered as you blinked slowly at him, brows furrowed. He laughed again. That awful amused and condescending laugh that you realized you hated. 

"See… that look right there. You really have no idea, do you?" he chuckled. 

"About what?" You asked breathlessly. This Billy was not the Billy you were used to and you really didn't like it. You felt like you’d had the rug pulled out from under you and your brain was having a hard time processing any of it. 

“Well, Mr Johnson was in the way of givin’ me what I wanted. So I hadta get rid of him,” he explained slowly, as if talking to a child. You shook your head rapidly, stomaching churning.

“You- You couldn't have. He had a heart attack, I saw it happen,” you argued weakly. You didn't know why he’d lie to you about this. The smile he gave you was chilling and you clutched your glass tightly.

“No, see he didn’t just have a heart attack. He had a heart attack ‘cause I switched his meds,” he answered. You felt like you were going to throw up as you stared right at his cold and emotionless face. You wondered if this was some kind of nightmare. You hoped it was. This was nothing like the kind and caring Billy you’d grown to know. Your mouth opened but you had no idea what to say with that devastating bomb dropped on you. You were pretty sure you’d burst into tears at knowing you were the reason he was dead, but you felt oddly numb on the inside. Some sort of shock. So instead, you chugged from the glass, needing something you knew you wouldn't find there. 

“Don’t… don’t give me that look,” he huffed, shaking his head with a frown.

“What look?” you bit out. Your tone was harsh but at this point, you were pretty sure you were next on his list so you found it hard to care about being polite anymore. Mr Johnson had taken care of you. He was almost fatherly. And he’d been taken away because the man in front of you had some kind of sick obsession with you. One that started when he met you and you barely paid him any notice. Would any of this have happened if you’d have paid him a little more attention? If you’d have gone home with him that night, would he have quickly realized you weren't worth it and grown bored?

“You’re givin’ me that goddamn disappointed look. It's all over your face. And I know… I know you cared about him but he had to go. If he didn’t, you wouldn't be sittin’ here right now,” he muttered tensely. There was a strange look in his eyes and you couldn't tell if it was thinly concealed rage or desperation. Maybe a bit of both. 

“Do Frank and Karen know any of this?” you asked warily. The idea that the pair were in on it made your head spin. They’d been so kind to you, you’d become friends. But then again, the same could be said about Billy. He barked a laugh at your words and gave you a look like you were stupid.

“You really think I could talk to them about this? Besides, they’re too wrapped up in each other to notice I exist most days,” he scoffed, bitterness coating his tone. It gave you only a tiny modicum of relief that the past few months hadn't all been lies. No, just the parts where Billy was involved. Where he’d gained your trust so completely that you would have trusted him with your life. You’d seemingly resigned yourself to the fact that you wouldn't be getting out of this. You knew too much. He couldn't just let you go. And since this was it for you, you wanted some more answers.

“The mugging… you had something to do with that, didn't you?” you asked plainly, a blank look on your face as you met his eyes. He scrunched his face up a little, rolling his shoulder as he looked down before back at you.

“I didn’t… I never wanted to hurt you. I didn’t. But I needed somethin’ to bring you closer to me. Things weren’t movin’ like I wanted them to, so I made it happen. I know some people. I managed to get him out if he agreed to do it. But he was just supposedta scare you. Maybe push you about a bit. And when I saw what he did to you… well lets just say he won’t be around to hurt anyone else,” he bit out, dark eyes flashing dangerously. You subconsciously moved back in your seat, trying to create space even though it didn't work very well. Your body was starting to feel heavy and you wondered if the stress was going to kill you before Billy did.

“You got a guy to mug me… and then killed him for mugging me?” you asked derisively. You hadn’t meant to say it out loud but at this point, did it really matter? Being scared wouldn't help you get out of this alive. Nothing would. He pinned you in place with a hard look, his jaw ticking a little.

“I got a guy to scare you and he ended up assaulting you,” he replied tensely. You didn’t feel like trying to argue. He was clearly unhinged. You didn’t reply and instead finished your drink. Maybe if you were drunk it wouldn't hurt so much when you were murdered. Would the actual murder hurt more than the deep betrayal you were currently feeling? You weren't sure that was possible.

The silence was thick in the air and Billy never took his eyes off you even though you were staring at your empty glass. He seemed on edge by the lack of conversation.

“I’m not gonna say sorry, ‘cause I’m not,” he admitted shamelessly. You snorted a mirthless laugh as your eyes once again met his.

“Of course you're not,” you shook your head with a roll of your eyes. How hadn't you seen it? Were there red flags? Or maybe you ignored them because you loved your job here. You’d grown to enjoy it and the people and you’d grown close to the monster in front of you. 

“I’m not. ‘Cause it worked. It brought you closer to me. I remember… back when you first started here. When you saw someone followin’ you home, you came to me about it. And it felt…” he trailed off with a soft laugh and you watched as he closed his eyes, a strangely soft look passing on his face. “It felt so fuckin’ good. You came to me for help, for protection. You trusted me. And doin’ what I did only made that stronger,” he said firmly. You blinked slowly at him for a moment, your head feeling fuzzy. It seemed like the more he spoke, the more your brain was having a hard time processing his words.

“It was you, wasn’t it? Following me home?” you asked with a sigh. He rubbed the scruff on his face a little as he flexed his hands.

“It doesn’t matter,” he muttered dismissively. 

“Of course it fucking matters, Billy. Don’t you think after all of this I at least deserve the truth?” you asked. You hated how your voice cracked, a sliver of emotion peeking out of the numbness. He frowned as if the hurt in your voice was hurting him. 

“Fine, you want the truth? Yeah, it was me. I also had a strong word with your landlord which is why you ended up with me. I planned it all. And I did it all for you. For us,” he implored, leaning forward a little. You instinctively moved back and he didn’t look happy about it.

“There is no us,” you huffed, your voice cold. His dark eyes narrowed to slits as he worked his jaw and you wondered if this would be the moment he killed you. Instead, he closed his eyes and inhaled a deep breath as if to steady himself. The idea of upsetting him pleased something inside of you. He’d hurt you so deeply with all of this. All the lies and betrayal. Making you feel something for him only for him to turn out to be deranged. You were going to die anyway. The least you could do was hurt him too.

“I don’t get it. I really don't fucking get it, Billy. You did all this for ‘us’, yet you kissed me. You kissed me and then said sorry. You could have taken what you wanted,” you scoffed, using air quotes when you said ‘us’. He let out a frustrated noise, running his hands through his hair and making it unusually disheveled. 

“You’re right, you don't get it. I knew you weren't ready. I knew if it happened then you’d pull away. I couldn't have that. I didn't mind playin’ the long game if I got you in the end. There was no way I’d get you just for you to walk away,” he glowered. 

“Right, because you care so much,” you muttered. His eyes flared with something dangerous but your body seemed disconnected from your head. You didn't even tense.

“I do care!” he hissed at you.

“No, you don't! You’re insane! You’re obsessed with me!” you yelled back, not even caring if anyone was still here at this point. He slammed his glass down onto the coffee table so hard you were surprised it didn't shatter and this time your body did react as you jumped a little.

“I love you! You -You don’t get to minimize that! You don't get to tell me this is just an obsession! I know what I feel. I’m in love with you, Y/N, and all of this shit has been so we could be together!” he insisted vehemently. You knew there was no point in reasoning with him. You just wanted this to be over with. Your head didn't feel quite right and you wondered if drinking the bourbon had been a good idea. You stood up, not really knowing what your next move was. But when you did, you found your body feeling like jello and you almost fell right over. Billy caught you effortlessly, now standing in front of you. You’d been feeling a little odd, but chalked it up to the intensely stressful situation you found yourself in. But this felt different. Wrong. 

“What…?” you murmured, trying to regain control of your limbs to pull away from him. Your body didn't seem to obey you anymore. When you blinked up at him as he still held you tightly, he gave you a dark smile.

“Shouldn’t drink on the job, sweetheart,” he smirked. This wasn’t just the alcohol, this was something else. He’d drugged your drink, of course he did. You were stupid to accept a drink from an absolute psycho who was obsessed with you. But the more you internally panicked, the worse it got and your vision was getting fuzzy. 

“Just relax, Y/N,” was the last thing you heard before darkness consumed you.

—-----

You woke with a startled gasp, your bleary eyes on the ceiling as everything came back to you. Through your blinding headache, you could feel you were under a duvet and you hoped you’d had a bad dream. A very vivid, awful dream. But when you glanced around, you noticed you weren’t on Billy’s couch. You were in his bed. The only time you’d been to his room was to put him to bed when he’d been drunk, you always respected that boundary. All the while he was crossing every one of yours. You moved to sit up and your body still felt heavy and it ached. You had more control than you did before in the office though and after some struggling, you managed to sit up and lean against the headboard. It felt like it used all of the little energy you had though and you put your head in your hands. It felt like someone was beating you with a baseball bat.

“Here, you need to drink this,” Billy murmured as he walked in, making you jump a little. His voice was low and soft as if he was concerned. He was holding a bottle of water in his hand as he walked over, opening it as he perched on the bed next to you.

“Is that a joke? The last time I drank something you gave me, you drugged me,” you muttered, glowering at him. He sighed with a little frown, still holding the bottle out to you.

“That was necessity. I needed to get you outta there without you causin’ a scene. But now you need to drink this or you’ll feel a hell of a lot worse,” he said apologetically. You chewed your lower lip for a moment as you considered your options here. He hadn’t killed you like you thought he might. He had a perfect opportunity when you were knocked out. But somehow him kidnapping you felt worse. You knew he hadn't done anything to you while you’d slept though as you were still fully dressed. The only thing missing being your shoes. Now you had a choice to make. You could keep resisting and making it difficult and he probably would end up killing you. Or you could play along with his bullshit until he trusted you enough. Then you could escape. You weren’t sure just how long it would take to get him to really believe you, but if it meant you didn’t die then you’d do it. You weren’t ready to give up just yet. You’d play along with his twisted fantasy and at the first chance you got, you’d flee. You gave him a look for a moment as he watched you patiently, looking more like the Billy you were used to than the crazy person back in his office. It unsettled you. You took the bottle of water and sipped on it. You hadn’t realized how thirsty you were until your body demanded more and you ended up chugging on it. Whatever he’d dosed you with apparently dehydrated you too. He looked pleased you’d acquiesced to his demand as you placed the bottle on the bedside table. 

You tensed when his hand came up to your face, resisting the urge to shove it away as he cupped your cheek tenderly. It reminded you so much of the day he’d kissed you when he was drunk, back when he was normal Billy to you. It hurt. His hand then moved to your forehead as if checking for a fever as he worriedly looked at you.

“How are you feelin’?” he asked softly. 

“Like I’ve been drugged,” you muttered wryly. You didn’t mean to, you weren't supposed to be sassing him right now. But you knew if you had any hope of him trusting you, you couldn't just declare your undying love for him. He wasn’t stupid by any means. You had to slowly seem like you were warming up to him. Do as he asked and act grateful. He snorted at your words but it didn't have any mirth in it. He looked disappointed as he moved his hand away from you.

“I know you're upset… but you gotta know, I don’t wanna hurt you,” he sighed. You dug your nails into your palms to try and stop your mouth from blurting out things that wouldn't help your plan.

“I know you don't. I just don't get it, Billy. Why didn’t you just come and talk to me again two years ago? Ask me out? Why all of… this?” you asked carefully. You’d let him try to explain himself. Try to justify his bullshit. And you’d let him believe that you were starting to understand him. He licked his lower lip, staring at the wall for a moment before he looked back at you. 

“I’ve been with a lot of women. I’ve seen a woman and knew I had to have her for one night. But with you… with you it was different. I knew I didn't want you for just one night and it confused me. Ain’t ever felt that shit before and I wasn’t sure what to do. I’m used to feelin’ important, havin’ women fallin’ at my feet. But you… you acted like you didn’t give a shit,” he chuckled wistfully, raking his teeth over his lower lip. 

“And I felt it. That… bitter sting of rejection. And I knew if I spoke to you and you did it again, I wouldn't be able to deal with it. I don't deal with rejection well. Was given up as a kid by my drug-addict mother who loved drugs more than her own kid. I know what it's like to feel unwanted like that. And with that sucker punch of emotion I felt when we met, I fuckin’ knew it would kill me. And I was scared… So I didn’t. And then I wanted to know you better, figured if I did, maybe I had a better chance. Find some common ground. But I could never… I could never find the goddamn balls to just reach out. It's why I kept pesterin’ Mr Johnson to let you work for me. I knew if I could just get you there with me and spend some time together, you’d feel it too. That I could get you to love me. But the longer I went without you, the more I needed you. And it just kinda snowballed from there,” he murmured, looking down at his hands. He sounded like he genuinely believed his words. Like he thought it was a valid justification for stalking and kidnapping you, for murmuring your boss, getting you kicked out, for getting someone to mug you and then killing them. But you didn't correct him because it wouldn't help your plan. You stayed quiet for a moment, not really knowing what to say that would make it seem like you were starting to come around, because you weren’t. But Billy continued anyway.

“You know… you called me insane back at the office and maybe you’re right. Lovin’ you has made me crazy. Wantin’ somethin’ I couldn't have so much. And it's not just superficial bullshit either,” he huffed, his dark imploring turning to you once more with so much intensity you felt your heart skip a beat. 

“I love you. I love you with everythin’ I have. There isn't a damn thing I wouldn't do for you,” he said fervently. Except let me go, your mind supplied. 

“And I know you don’t believe me, not yet. But you will. I know I can be… intense. But I ain’t ever loved someone before. Ain’t ever felt like this. But what I do know is that you belong to me and I belong to you,” he insisted. 

You really didn't know what to say. Your brain scrambled with something to say to him to get your plan in motion. You really didn't want to be here with him for longer than necessary. It was a far cry from the comfort you usually felt with him.

“You should have just told me how you felt. You didn't need to do all of this, I never had to find out. You knew I felt something for you because I kissed you back. If you would have just told me how you felt, you’d have found out I felt the same. It didn't need to come to this,” you said softly, trying to swallow down the bile those words brought you as you lied. He looked at you for a long moment, a million and one emotions passing on his face before he snorted.

“You don't love me,” he shook his head, his voice sounding pained.

“Maybe not. Maybe it's not love yet. But I feel something. When you kissed me, the only reason I got spooked is because you have a reputation. I didn't want things to change, I didn’t want you to get rid of me the second we had sex like all the others. I like working at Anvil, with you. I didn't want you to just drop me like the others because I care about you,” you frowned. It wasn't a total lie. That had been the main reason why you’d freaked out. You wouldn't say you loved Billy, even before finding out how crazy he was. But you definitely had felt something. You’d grown to care about him deeply and more than just a friend, but you hadn’t allowed yourself to fall in love with him. He clasped your hand quickly and your breathing hitched as he looked at you like you’d just murdered a puppy in front of him.

“I would never treat you that way,” he insisted firmly. You knew your plan was working.

“Well, how would I know that if you didn't tell me how you felt?” you asked with a shrug. With one of his hands still holding onto yours, he scooted closer as his other grasped your jaw gently and tilted your face up to his. Being so close to him made you dizzy and not in a good way like it had done before.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was too much of a coward to tell you how I really felt. I’m sorry it came to this. But you feel somethin’... I know we can get past this. We can be happy together,” he implored. Despite everything he’d done, you felt a pang of pity at his hopeful face and words. He’d briefly mentioned about his childhood and you felt bad that this small child had been so damaged by being unloved that this is what he turned into. But you wouldn’t excuse what he’d done. You couldn't. No matter how sorry you might feel for him, he was dangerous. And you couldn't let yourself get sucked into his bullshit. 

“I want to be happy,” you whispered, looking into his dark eyes. Not with him. You could never be happy with him. But you wanted to live. You wanted to get out of here and live a long and happy life and forget this ever happened. He smiled softly, his thumb stroking your cheek as he leaned in. You knew what he was expecting and you knew you had to give it to him since your plan was working. You closed your eyes as his lips met yours and you tried to pretend Billy wasn't a monster. He was the soft and kind Billy you’d grown to know since working with him. The Billy who would make butterflies swarm your belly without having to do much. The Billy you felt safe with. You kissed him back, trying to make him believe your lie and he groaned softly, deepening the kiss. You felt sick. But you didn't let it show as you leaned closer to him and kissed him with as much fake desire as you could. When he pulled away, he was looking down at you like you were made of gold. It made your chest hurt. You'd never had anyone love you. It felt like a sick cosmic joke that when it happened it made them deranged. If he wasn't crazy, it would be great. Having someone adore you this much. But it wasn't a sweet and innocent love. It was tainted by blood and lies. 

He stroked your cheek one more time before moving away from you and you felt like you could finally breathe again. 

“Are you uh… you hungry? I can go grab you somethin’?” he asked after clearing his throat. This could be it. Your window of opportunity. 

“I could eat,” you smile tentatively. He grinned then, looking more relaxed than you'd seen him since you’d found that disgusting file. He nodded, standing up and hovering a little.

“There’s a Chinese place just down the street. I know it's your favorite. You just rest,” he murmured, giving one last smile before he walked away. He only knew it was your favorite because he’d been stalking you for two years, not because you were friends and your fake smile dropped the second he left the room. You held your breath until you heard the front door shut and your body sagged. This was it. You waited a little longer on the off chance he’d seen right through you. But when all that greeted you was silence, you tried to get out of bed. Your body was still weak and groggy and you had a hard time standing up. But this was life or death and you weren’t about to let your stupid body ruin it for you. You shuffled into the living area, peeking around anxiously as if you thought he was about to materialize out of thin air. There was no one here though and you tried to get to the door like you were wading through molasses. When you finally reached it, you tried to open it to find it locked. Of course it was. So he didn't trust you completely yet, you were stupid to think he would. But now what? You couldn't stand the thought of staying here with him any longer. How long would it take until he trusted you so much that you’d be able to just walk out of the door? You couldn't do it. You didn't have it in you. You knew he’d expect you to be intimate with him too and the thought made you feel sick. The idea of Billy getting you into bed wasn't appealing as it had been once. Now it just made dread fill up your entire being. If you stuck around, he’d know you were lying and you’d wind up dead. You had to get out of here. 

You felt like you’d spent ages trying to pick the lock on the door with a paperclip you’d found and a flathead screwdriver. You’d seen it in a movie once and they'd made it look easy. They lied. But as the seconds ticked by, you knew Billy was getting closer to coming back and your fear turned to blind panic. You couldn't go along with your plan. You were going to die. It was you or him, and you knew who you’d be picking. You dived away from the door when you heard the jingling of keys outside of it and you clutched the screwdriver in your hands, rushing to the kitchen area behind the counter. You felt like you couldn't breathe. You quickly hid the screwdriver behind your back as he opened the door and he looked startled to see you as he walked in with a bag to take out. 

“You're up?” he asked, no inflection in his voice to tell you what he thought about it.

“I was getting fed up with just laying there. Trying to get my muscles going again. I hope that's okay?” you gave him a sweet smile and he gave you one back as he gestured to the table.

“Guess we can eat here then,” he mused. As he walked into the kitchen space to grab plates, you moved around the other side of the island, trying to keep the screwdriver hidden from him. Now your back was to him, you had it clutched tightly in front of you. Your eyes glanced to the now unlocked door. Surely he wouldn't chase you down once you got out of the apartment and down the stairs. There were other people living here too. They’d call the cops. He wasn't stupid.

“What the…?” Billy's confused voice had you turning around as he moved to grab the bent paperclip from the floor where he’d seemingly stood on it. His eyes met yours then and now you’d turned to him, he could see the screwdriver. You saw it flash all over his face and you made a dash for the door with a yelp. But with your body still in slow motion mode, he grabbed you before you got there. You swung wildly behind you with the screwdriver and you hated how easily he disarmed you. Any self-defense he’d taught you went flying out of the window in your state of panic but you weren't sure it would help you against someone like Billy anyway.

“Let me go!” you screamed, crying out when your back suddenly got slammed into the wall harshly. Now you were face to face with a very angry-looking Billy. He also looked hurt.

“You lied to me?” he asked, voice low and dangerous but wobbling ever so slightly. 

“Like you haven't been lying to me all this time?” you hissed at him. 

“I told you, I told you why I did all that!” he yelled, his dark eyes looking more unhinged than you’d ever seen them. 

“You’re fucking insane! You’ve been stalking me for years and now you've kidnapped me and you really think this is normal? Do you really think I could ever love someone like you, Billy? You're a monster!” you sobbed helplessly.

“Don’t you say that!” he screamed, slamming you back into the wall and making you cry harder at the pain. 

“You're nothing but a monster and I could never love you,” you bit out through your tears. He looked like you’d just stabbed him right through the chest at your words, his obsidian eyes full of unshed tears. You knew you were fucked so what did it matter anyway? But you wouldn't go down without a fight. You brought your knee up and kicked him in the groin, making him roar with pain and anger as he stumbled away from you. You tried to scramble to the door but he gripped the back of your shirt.

“I won't let you leave me!” he roared as he yanked you back so roughly you went careening backwards. You head smacked into the corner of the wooden coffee table and nothing mattered anymore.

Billy’s chest was heaving as he looked down at you for a moment. You didn't get back up. You didn't keep saying hurtful things to him. You were still, like a doll. And then he noticed blood rapidly pooling from under your head.

“No,” he whispered brokenly, rushing to you and dropping to his knees.

“Wake up, Y/N!” he demanded through a choked sob, tapping your face. You didn't move. His fingers went to your neck but there was no pulse. No anything. 

“No! No, no, no! Don't do this to me!” he cried desperately, shaking you as if that would wake you up. He’d done the unthinkable. He never wanted to hurt you and now you were gone. He sobbed, clutching your body to him and not caring about the blood he was getting all over him. 

“Please, I’m sorry. I’m sorry!” he begged helplessly as he cradled you. After a few moments, a cold emptiness settled over him like a blanket. You were gone. And he’d done this to you. He’d taken away the only thing he ever loved. He was like a poison. Spreading into everything he cared about. And what did he have without you? Nothing mattered. Not Anvil, his money, Frank or Karen. None of it mattered if he didn't have you by his side to enjoy it with. He gently placed you on his sofa before standing up and wiping his tears. Your blood streaked all over his face, but he paid it no mind as he slowly walked over to the fake painting on the wall and opened it to reveal a safe. He punched in the passcode, your birthday. He took out his handgun, already loaded and ready to go. He barely even glanced at it before he made his way back over to you. He carefully moved you so he could sit with your head in his lap, gazing down at your lifeless face. You looked so peaceful. So serene. 

“I’ll be with you really soon, baby,” he whispered, holding the gun to his temple. He had to believe that. He loved you so much, did so much for you and for the both of you. There was no way it was all for nothing. You’d be reunited and you’d welcome him with open arms in the afterlife. You had to. A loud gunshot resounded in the apartment and his body went limp over yours. An eerie silence overtook the place then before the faint sound of sirens could be heard making their way there. But it was too late.

[cinnabonn12]

୨୧ Intro:

Disclaimer: I post way too much very regularly. This is because I currently have no life and enjoy escapism!! How exciting. Welcome other chronically online citizens :)

⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣ ‧₊˚✧ ⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣

[Im copying my friends format for this bc she’s seems like she knows what she’s doing lol. I mean if ur interested you can read further, but like, it’s up to you lmao]

⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣ ‧₊˚✧ ⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣

• So I’m in a lot of fandoms—sadly Im not an artist, but and I will gladly talk to anyone abt any of these in these if u would like :)

⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣ ‧₊˚✧ ⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣

Fandoms:

୨୧┇A ton of anime I watched in 2020-22

Hunter X Hunter • Death Note • Yuri On Ice • Sk8 the Infinity • My Hero Academia • Attack on Titan • Demon Slayer • Saiki K • Ouran High School Host Club • Given • Jujutsu Kaisen • Black Butler • Banana Fish • Violet Evergarden • Haikyuu • and a few more random obscure ones :)

୨୧┇MCU (Loki)

୨୧┇SuperWhoLock (lol)

୨୧┇Hannibal

୨୧┇Good Omens (Crowley)

୨୧┇Our Flag Means Death

୨୧┇The Arcana

୨୧┇Gravity Falls (Bill Cipher)

୨୧┇The Owl House

୨୧┇MXTX (TGCF, MDZS, & SVSSS)

୨୧┇GHOST :333

୨୧┇WELCOME TO NIGHTVALE (Cecil 💜)

୨୧┇Marauders

⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣ ‧₊˚✧ ⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣

*I’m too lazy to put gifs in here like most ppl do so pretend there r pretty little gifs throughout that align w whatever my aesthetic is (idk)

⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣ ‧₊˚✧ ⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣

Music:

*Also smt I post abt way too much

My main playlist if u like :)

୨୧┇Artists (in no particular order)

Ghost • The Sukis • Incubus • Interpol • The Smiths • The Cure • Depeche Mode • Mother Mother • Devin Townsend • Cigarettes After Sex • Linkin Park • Green Day • Smashing Pumpkins • Radiohead • Bo Burnham • Jack Stauber •The Beatles • The Police • America • Bring Me The Horizon • Atreyu • Drab Majesty • Beach House • and more I probably forgot

୨୧┇ Genres

I mean I’ll listen to whatever but I have my preferences—aka indie rock • dream pop • shoegaze • dark wave • new wave • gothic techno • prog/alt/folk/classic rock • symphonic/alt/prog metal • and theatre/broadway

⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣ ‧₊˚✧ ⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣

Imaginary pretty gif here ~

⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣ ‧₊˚✧ ⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣

Broadway Stuff:

• Les Miserables • Hamilton • Wicked • Phantom of The Opera • Hairspray • Cabaret • Harry Potter and The Cursed Child • Dear Evan Hansen • Come From Away • The Play That Goes Wrong • Beetlejuice • Six • My Fair Lady • Legally Blonde • Mean Girls • Hadestown • Little Shop of Horrors • Mamma Mia • The Great Comet of 1812 • Sweeney Todd • Back to the Future • The Notebook • The Great Gatsby, and more bc it would take too long to list them all

⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣ ‧₊˚✧ ⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣

make-believe pretty gif ~

⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣ ‧₊˚✧ ⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣

Closing:

• Im also into photography, writing (fanfic), and a sport I don’t want to talk about unless I do lol. So yeah!! Well that’s a hell of a lot of info.

• Omg I love oversharing!! If you read it, I’m concerned for you bc that was not attention grabbing at all and ur probably stalking me which as an internet stalker like myself yk what? Go for it bro.

(PS: sometimes I loose my grip on my sanity and it shows…so uh keep that in mind? Idk I feel like that needed a mention considering how I am)

[thewingedwolf]

my opinion, like many in the fandom, is that Buck has always been a little bi coded, and I think handling it like the way abc handled Rosa Diaz being bi, by simply having Buck drop some information he’s always known about himself but never been comfortable sharing, would be a decent way of handling it. for one thing, having both buck and eddie go through a gay panic thing would be a lot for one season, and maybe a bit repetitive, and I think it would be perfectly in character, while adding a really lovely layer to Maddie & Buck’s relationship, that Maddie has always known Buck was bisexual, and has attempted (maybe awkwardly) over the years to get Buck to be more comfortable with it. I also think it would add a really wonderful layer to Buck and Chim’s relationship (again, to make the b99 comparison bc this is a textbook “if i had a nickel for every time a beloved, diverse show involving police officers got canceled by fox and picked up by ABC bc beloved diverse shows with a really active fan base are their bread and butter i’d have two nickels” situation lol), the same way it was a natural & moving way to have the first person Rosa came out to be Charles, if Chim finds out because Buck needs to talk to Maddie about how he and Eddie had a stress induced make out on Eddie’s couch and then Eddie had a panic attack over being gay, and Chim is there trying to connect the dots of this conversation & be supportive bc Buck is anxiously mumbling while bear hugging Jee in his kitchen. And “Buck has been bisexual the entire time” leaking out to the rest of the 118 has a lot of potential; we know they’re all gossipy & nosy about each other, and Chim is terrible at keeping important secrets, so Hen & Bobby piecing it together from Buck‘s sudden interest in LA Gay Culture & Chim’s nervous stuttering, while Ravi is like “happy that you’re comfortable enough to come out to me Buck but again, i do not need to know this much detail about your personal life” all of this just seems like a very natural, easy way of getting Buck to come out.

and that leaves the Gay Panic storyline to Eddie, lmao. because whether they decide to go with the common fandom idea of “eddie is gay but due to being a really macho dude from Texas, born into a family of very typically ‘we will always love you no matter if you’re straight or choose to be gay’ esque family, has been heavy repressing it all these years” or they decide to make him bisexual, it’s clear that Eddie’s continued wild misses at dating women, panic attacks over the idea of being with a woman, and naming another man as the caretaker of his child in case he dies, that Eddie is primed to have an absolute break down if he ever comes out. Is it very similar to Carlos’ story? Yeah, obviously, but they’re incredibly different people, and more than that, the type of family they come from is incredibly common in this day and age, and whereas we’ve seen the fallout of all the shame that comes with feeling like your parents love isn’t unconditional wrt Carlos, we never saw the initial, badly handled coming out that prompted this break in the Reyes family, and we would be seeing that with Eddie and the Diaz family! not only that, but we have Hen & Toni there to help Eddie (and his parents & pepa & abuelita) through it, to help them handle what are bound to be difficult conversations on Eddie’s history of dating women his family will like that he has minimal interest in, and what happens now that Eddie is once again testing the unconditional aspect of his family’s love.

And that’s not even touching The Bobby And Athena Of It All, from Bobby once again relating to Eddie’s struggles of “what do you do when you feel like the core of who you are has shifted and everyone else is standing still” to Athena having intimate knowledge of the effect of coming out late in life, after you’ve lived a whole life as an ostensibly heterosexual man. We could get a really touching scene between Bobby & Athena and Buck, discussing how this is something he’s always known but it’s just been easier to let it go unsaid even if he knew Bobby and the rest of the 118 would be loving and supportive if he ever came out. Imagine the jokes re: Buck, Eddie, AND Hen being the messiest gays in LA while Ravi is begging them to Say Less.

I think the storyline potential of “Buck and Eddie impulsively make out after a stressful call in ep 1 and then skirt around their feelings for at least half a season” can be really rich, and also kind of in line for how abc has handled a character who got popular for being bi coded, and I’m not saying i trust them to not be cowards about it, but I am saying they shouldn’t be cowards about it.

[tonydaddingham]

I'm going to preface this by saying this is not meant entirely an admonishment but more a reminder. It's also not aimed entirely at you specifically but rather people I've seen in notes on your posts, as well as Neil's. Neil is not lying about Crowley not being Lucifer and isn't going to surprise us with that suddenly being canon in the series. He quite literally can't do that now. He knows people are or will be making fanfic of it now. He now cannot ever use it. Same with the Raphael theory. Same with any other popular fan theory someone has taken to his inbox for confirmation, only to be denied. All that accomplishes is confirming he in no way will ever use any element of it in any of his writing going forward. So keep speculating! Keep having fun making theories! But stop taking them to Neil. All you do is ensure they will never be canon. As Neil always says, just wait and see.

hi anon✨

im going to take you at your word re: it not being entirely an admonishment or aimed at me. and choose to simply see this ask as a way of getting a general PSA out into the tumblr ether. that, i will gladly help with.

i respect your view and agree with it... i would however argue that personally i think the people that have been in my post notes in particular have been pretty respectful from what i recall, or at least have been very clearly joking.

there is, as far as im aware, a relatively small group of blogs that went generally full-ham on the theory (and perhaps im in that number, idk) but from what ive seen, following neil's ask, the majority have actually found the whole situation very funny...

maybe gone a bit ironic/sarcastic with "lmao imagine if he's lying" out of disappointment (me too!), but obviously joking and otherwise pretty respectful. honestly, i found the whole thing hysterical, i hammed up the Lucifer Theory Grief for an evening, and have since largely gotten over it. i think a lot of others have been the same.

however. i managed to read about 20 replies through That Neil Ask before i was starting to get pretty pissed off, by people on both sides of the lucifer argument:

i get why people were getting irritated by the pro-theoriers; the theory was debunked - move on, or take it off of the ask. i agree with that sentiment - other than rb'ing the ask twice and adding my tags, i left it alone and kept the dialogue on my own blog, and imo others should have done the same - just simply left the neil ask, and taken the discourse to their own blogs.

that being said, some of the anti-theoriers were coming across as outright rude, to the point for me of even being quite upsetting (and it wasn't even directed at me lmao). i get they were probably getting annoyed on behalf of neil, and that's admirable - but neil is a whole ass grown man. if he wanted people to stop commenting on his ask, i imagine he would have locked the post, posted a PSA, or just simply turned off his askbox. people do not need to police for him.

one thing i will point out, however, is that the lucifer theory came up on an rb, not directly in his inbox.

neil chose to respond to that rb (and the one after) entirely by his choice; it wasn't sprung on him in his inbox. noone should have to police their rbs or rb tags just in case he sees? direct inbox submission is a huge no-no (i agree with you, especially as he has actually asked for people to not do that), but this particular situation, ill be honest, does not fit that.

i also think the way both sides have reacted over the lucifer debunk has now unfortunately set a rather unsettling precedent for any other theory that might come out and people disagree with; ive been bracing myself for a potential shitstorm all day about my theory on the second coming for this very reason... and tbh i shouldn't have to feel like that.

everyone deserves to have fun in fandom-space, that's what makes it enjoyable and collaborative. if you (royal 'you') do not like a theory, or think it's a load of rubbish, either argue it back eloquently and with an open mind, instead of just being outright dismissive and making people feel stupid (as i felt after reading those replies, tbh), or leave that person/collective alone. it doesn't hurt you, it doesn't hurt anyone, and it's just people speculating and having fun with it.

now about the actual debunk of the theory itself - yes, i agree, it could be an IP nightmare potentially. i have further thoughts on this but i think im going to leave it there for now, my reply is already long enough✨

[killerandhealerqueen]

ok. More.

Catastrophe. Something like a natural disaster or robbery gone wrong where both jiang Yuelou and Chen Yuzhi are officers and/or EMTs on the scene. Saving lives, maybe getting hurt in the process? Ya know?

lost prince. This one would just be fun I think for any fandom😊

could just have a super fluffy teacher x teacher, where they are trying to hide there relationship from the students. But, the students catch on to what’s happening. Also works for any.

falling in love with the sound before the face. Where charecter A hears beautiful music and follows it, only to find the musician is even more beautiful than the music. Lmao another fluff. Just thought it was cute

gotta love a classic kidnap. Maybe with like a twist? Maybe he was kidnapped because… OH! Chen Yuzhi just inherited a bunch of money and assets after an old mentor passed. He is not used to the lifestyle and the greedy people he is now surrounded by. But it’s ok cause he has his protective police husband taking care of him.

Boom! 5 more. 😂 some of them I left blank or without names, so u could pick which show/couple u would want to use. 😌

I honestly love all of these, but I'm going to go for #1 for this ask and I'll post the rest of the prompts later

It was a rather beautiful day as Dr. Chen Yuzhi arrived at his daughter’s, Keying’s, daycare, parking the car before he got out and opened the back door, helping Keying out.  He then grabbed her bag and handed it to her before he took her hand and headed into the school.         “Be a good girl at school today, okay?” he instructed.  Keying looked up at him and nodded.         “Yes, Daddy” she replied.  Chen Yuzhi smiled and gently petted her hair before he motioned to the classroom.         “Alright, go on now.  I’ll pick you up after work, okay?” he stated.  Keying nodded again.         “’Kay!” she exclaimed before she turned and rushed into the school to put away her books.  Chen Yuzhi watched her rush off, a small smile on his face, when one of the daycare teachers walked over to him.         “Dr. Chen, can I have a word?” she asked, causing Chen Yuzhi to look over at her and smile.         “Oh, Ms. Wang, good morning” he greeted.  The daycare teacher, Ms. Wang, dipped her head in reply.         “Good morning” she replied before she cleared her throat.         “Um…I’m very sorry for saying this…but there’s a guardian that wants Keying to stop coming for a bit” she stated, causing Chen Yuzhi to frown before he looked over to see a group of women gossiping with each other, one of them throwing a glance towards him before turning back to the group of women.  He stared at the group of women for a moment before he looked back at Ms. Wang and huffed.         “It’s because I’m a healthcare professional, right?” he asked.  Ms. Wang nodded.         “There’s someone susceptible to infectious diseases and they’re afraid that Keying might spread it to them” she explained.  Chen Yuzhi growled before he shut his eyes and took a deep breath, calming himself before he looked at her again.         “Is Keying doing well in class?” he asked.  Ms. Wang nodded.         “She’s doing fine, but some children stay a little further away from her because as you know, parents’ words are infectious to children and some are raising their voices…I may have to consult with you again” she explained.  Chen Yuzhi growled softly again before he looked at her and nodded.         “I understand, thank you for letting me know” he thanked, Ms. Wang nodding as he turned and headed out of the school to his car, quickly getting inside before he headed to work. ~*~*~*~*~*~ When he arrived at work, he quickly headed to the MER, or Mobile Emergency Room, office and stepped inside, causing his co-workers to look over at him and smile.         “Good morning, Yuzhi” Chu Ran, a nurse, greeted.  Chen Yuzhi smiled slightly.         “Good morning, Chu Ran” he replied as he walked over to the table where the other members of the MER were sitting, sitting down beside Zhan Junbai, another doctor.         “Why the long face, Yuzhi?” Yu Tangchun, a third doctor, asked, raising an eyebrow.  Chen Yuzhi looked at him before he sighed.         “Ah, I was told by one of Keying’s daycare teachers that I should probably have her not go to school for a few days because one of the children’s parents are afraid that because I’m a healthcare professional, I’ll pass infectious diseases onto Keying and that Keying will in turn affect other children.  Apparently there’s a child susceptible to infectious diseases and they don’t want Keying to get them sick” he explained.  Everyone looked at him in shock before Chu Ran shook her head.         “That’s ridiculous!  Why would they…if they’re so worried about that child getting sick, then shouldn’t they pull them out of school and not force you to pull Keying out?!” she exclaimed.  Zhong Yiren, MER’s anesthesiologist, huffed.         “If only it were that easy.  They figure it’s easy to blame the healthcare worker and their child then actually making sure their child is healthy…they prefer it that the world revolve around them” she grumbled.  Chu Min, MER’s medical engineer, shook his head.         “But that’s just wrong…” he grumbled.  Zhan Junbai hummed.         “It is, but unfortunately, that’s the world we live in” he stated, just as an alarm began to go off, causing Chen Yuzhi and the others to look towards their large television with wide eyes.         “Message from the Jing City Government Crisis Management Office, a barricading incident in Guangzhou.  It seems that customers and employees inside a shop were cut by a knife.  Details of the injuries and situation are unknown but it’s been designated a small scale medical case.  Requesting the dispatch of Jing City MER” a voice declared on the intercom.  Chen Yuzhi then quickly pushed himself to his feet before he rushed over to the microphone that connected him to the crisis management office and pressed the button.         “MER, roger that” he replied before he turned to his colleagues and nodded.         “Suit up” he barked.

~*~*~*~*~*~ Meanwhile, at the Jing City Government Crisis Management Office, one of the members turned to look at their leader with wide eyes.         “Still unsure of how many people are injured!  The site is under the control of the Jing City Police Department, we’re not getting any information!” he exclaimed.  The leader of the crisis management office, Jin Dacheng, huffed.         “What about the disaster prevention helicopters?” he demanded.  Another subordinate, Liu Li, shook her head.         “Without permission from the police, we can’t get close enough!” she exclaimed.         “Get a good connection from a distance” Jin Dacheng barked.  Liu Li nodded.         “Video’s coming from the disaster prevention helicopter!” she declared, soon projecting a live video feed of the scene.  As they all stared at the video, Jin Dacheng shook his head in disbelief.         “Bigger than described” he breathed.   ~*~*~*~*~*~ Meanwhile, on the road, Chen Yuzhi placed a headset into his ear and connected with the crisis management office.         “This is Dr. Chen Yuzhi, what’s the situation at the scene?” he inquired.         “We’re currently collecting detailed information” Liu Li replied.         “This is Jin Dacheng, there are more than 10 injured people seen visually.  There are severely injured people, so hurry!” Jin Dacheng barked.           “Roger that” Chen Yuzhi replied.   ~*~*~*~*~*~ Once MER arrived at the scene, they all hopped out of the van, Jin Dacheng barking in their ear.         “The severely injured people are priority.  Protect them with a shield and transport them from the scene” he barked.         “Understood” Chen Yuzhi replied as he and the others ran over to scene, only to have an officer rush over to them, waving his hand.         “No, no, no, no medical workers!” he exclaimed, causing Chen Yuzhi to frown.         “What’s going on?” he asked.  The young officer looked at him before he pointed to a nearby restaurant.         “The criminal is barricaded in that restaurant over there and since we’ve been informed that he has a firearm, it’s dangerous to approach.  Please wait until we move the rescued to a safe area, okay?” he requested.  Chen Yuzhi hummed and was about to agree when he noticed a young woman still lying on the ground, blood soaking her clothing.  At the sight of her, he paused before he turned to look at his team.         “Junbai, Chu Ran, among the patients carried out of the fence, please take the ones with the most severe bleeding to the ambulance first” he instructed.  Zhan Junbai and Chu Ran nodded.         “Okay” they agreed as he turned to look at Yu Tangchun.         “Tangchun, disinfect and dress patients with shallow wounds” he ordered.  Yu Tangchun nodded.         “Okay” he agreed as Chen Yuzhi turned to finally look at Chu Min and Zhong Yiren.         “Yiren, Chu Min, please prep the forceps for surgery” he ordered.  Zhong Yiren and Chu Min nodded and turned to head back to the MER when Chu Min looked at him.         “What will you be doing?” he asked.  Chen Yuzhi smiled as he pulled out a handful of cards with colors on them and held them up.         “I’m going to do triage” he declared before he turned and jumped over the fence, causing a bunch of officers to come running over to him, trying to stop him.         “No, no, no!” they exclaimed, only for him to smile at them.         “Thank you for your hard work, now excuse me” he replied, shoving them out of his way as he ran over to a woman lying on the ground.         “I’m Chen Yuzhi, a doctor.  Do you understand?  Let me examine you” he requested, quickly kneeling down beside her as he slipped the card over her wrist.  Once he had placed the card on her wrist, he pushed himself to his feet and ran over to the next victim, kneeling beside them.         “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine” he assured as he slipped a card over their wrist before he began to look at them.         “Let me examine your wound” he murmured, just as a few officers ran over to him and shielded them with their shields.  While they were shielding them, Chen Yuzhi looked the victim over, who was shaking, before he ripped off the green color on the card, signaling that the victim was injured, but not in critical condition.           “Don’t worry, the hospital will take care of you” he promised before he pushed himself to his feet and ran over to the next victim, who was clutching at his arm.         “I’m Chen Yuzhi, a doctor.  Do you understand?  Sorry, let me examine your injury” he requested, looking the man over just as the two officers who had been following him ran over to him, one of the kneeling down and pointing their weapon at the restaurant while the other one holding the shield looked at Chen Yuzhi in confusion.         “What are you doing?” he demanded before he knelt down in front of him, shielding himself, Chen Yuzhi, and the victim, with his shield.         “It’s triage” Chen Yuzhi answered as he slipped the card over the victim’s wrist and continued to look over the injured man.  The officer guarding him huffed.         “The criminal has barricaded himself in the restaurant, leave!” he barked.  Chen Yuzhi shook his head.         “Absolutely not!  The rescue of the injured is the highest priority!” he snapped back, causing the officer to look over at him with wide eyes.         “What?  Who the fuck are you?” he demanded.  Chen Yuzhi looked back at him and smiled.         “I’m Dr. Chen Yuzhi, nice to meet you” he replied before he pushed himself to his feet and ran over to the next victim, kneeling beside them.         “Hello, do you understand me?” he asked as the officer looked over at him.         “Isn’t that just mere window dressing from the Governor?” he inquired before he also pushed himself to his feet and walked over to Chen Yuzhi, kneeling before him again.         “In that case, do your grandstanding somewhere else!” he ordered.  However, Chen Yuzhi didn’t hear him and just pressed his headset, connecting him with the other doctors as he pressed his gloved hand to the victim’s abdomen.         “From Chen Yuzhi to MER, one person needs an emergency operation.  Female in her 30s, puncture wound in her upper left abdomen.  It seems to be in the abdominal cavity, there’s also pulsation hemorrhaging.  She’s in hemorrhagic shock!  Yiren, prepare 6 units of type O plus dark red.  Chu Min, rapidly warm blood transfusion to level 1” he ordered, just as the officer turned to look at him with wide eyes.         “Oi!” he exclaimed, but Chen Yuzhi ignored him in favor of continuing to bark orders to his team.         “Junbai and the others, please come to the ER car after handling emergency services” he instructed as the officer glared at him.         “Are you even listening?!” he exclaimed, just as Chen Yuzhi looked at him.         “Carry this woman” he ordered before he looked down at the woman.         “I’m lifting you up now” he declared, his hand still on her abdomen, when a sign suddenly exploded behind him, causing him to let out a gasp of surprise.  He then looked up to see a man pointing a gun at him from the second-story window of the restaurant, a crazed look in his eyes.         “Take shelter!  Get away from the restaurant!” the officer shouted before he grabbed the injured woman by her legs while Chen Yuzhi wrapped his arms around her torso, both men pushing themselves to their feet before they took shelter behind a nearby truck.           “Give me that woman!  That woman wearing a restaurant uniform!” the suspect shouted from the window before he ran back inside.  Once he was inside, Chen Yuzhi glanced towards the window before he took a deep breath.         “Let’s go!” he whispered before he scooped the woman into his arms and pushed himself to his feet, running out from behind the truck towards the MER, much to the officer’s horror.         “Hey!” he exclaimed, quickly taking after Chen Yuzhi when the suspect suddenly ran out of the restaurant and stopped behind them.         “Hand her over!” he shouted before he raised his gun and fired a shot, hitting the magnetic mounted vehicle light off of car while also causing Chen Yuzhi to duck behind the car to take cover.  Once he had taken cover, the police officer who had been protecting him the entire time grabbed a smoke bomb from off his belt and pulled the tag before chucking it towards the suspect, the bomb going off to create a large plume of smoke.  As soon as the bomb went off, Chen Yuzhi shot to his feet and ran towards the MER, carefully stepping over the barricade before he ran over to the ambulance where Zhong Yiren and Chu Min were waiting for him.  He then placed the injured woman on the gurney, quickly strapping her in before Zhong Yiren pressed a button, raising the gurney up into the ambulance as Chen Yuzhi looked at her.         “Yiren, I’ll open her abdomen immediately with general anesthesia” he declared, Zhong Yiren nodding in agreement.         “Okay” she agreed as Chen Yuzhi helped push the gurney into the MER.         “Secure an 18-gauge line for blood transfusion on her right” he ordered.  Zhong Yiren nodded as she stepped into the MER.         “Okay” she agreed as she and Chu Min pushed the gurney towards the operating room doors.         “Also, since she’s in shock, please insert an A line” Chen Yuzhi added.  Zhong Yiren nodded for the third time.         “Understood” she replied as Chen Yuzhi looked at Chu Min.         “Chu Min, prepare the monitor.  Prime her for level 1” he instructed before he hopped into the MER, quickly removing his mask and jacket to reveal his scrubs underneath.         “Chu Ran, turn on all the monitors” he ordered.         “Okay!” Chu Ran agreed as he walked over to the PPE station and reached for his disposable medical gown when the officer that was protecting him jumped into the MER and pinned him to the wall.         “Are you trying to die?!” he shouted.  Chen Yuzhi looked at him with wide eyes before he took a deep breath and grabbed the arm that was pinning him to the wall, pulling it away from him.         “Sorry, but I’m in a hurry” he stated, about to slip away when the police officer grabbed him and pinned him to the wall again.         “You’re not going anywhere” he growled, just as Chen Yuzhi glared at him.         “What’s your name?” he demanded.  The officer looked at him before he huffed.         “Chief Jiang Yuelou of the Jing City Police Department” he answered.  Chen Yuzhi nodded slowly.         “Well, Chief Jiang, if you do not let go of me this instant, that woman in there is going to die and I don’t know if you want her death on your hands” he growled.  Jiang Yuelou was quiet before he huffed and released him, Chen Yuzhi dusting off his scrubs before he looked at him and motioned outside.         “Now…kindly leave my ambulance” he ordered.  Jiang Yuelou huffed before he nodded and turned, hopping out of the MER as Chen Yuzhi closed the back of the van and took a deep breath.         “Alright” he murmured. ~*~*~*~*~*~ After he washed his hands and put on his PPE, Chen Yuzhi stepped into the operating room, quickly beginning the operation while Zhan Junbai’s assistance.         “The arteries and veins of the omentum are cut in 3 places and bleeding.  Blood pressure?” Chen Yuzhi asked.         “It’s 64 over 40” Zhong Yiren answered, looking over at the monitor as Chu Ran looked up at Chen Yuzhi.         “I can’t measure saturation” she stated.  Chen Yuzhi hummed before he looked over at Yu Tangchun.         “Tangchun—” he started when Yu Tangchun looked back at him.         “Pean and 3-0 silk thread” he declared.  Chen Yuzhi smiled.         “Right” he agreed before he held out his hand.         “I need the cooper” he stated.  Yu Tangchun nodded and handed him the surgical forceps that he needed as he looked at Zhan Junbai.         “Junbai, tubal ligation” he instructed.  Zhan Junbai nodded.         “Okay” he agreed before he looked at Yu Tangchun.         “3-0 silk thread, please” he requested.  Yu Tangchun nodded and handed him the forceps before he and Chen Yuzhi continued with the surgery. ~*~*~*~*~*~ After the surgery, the MER team waited for the anesthesia to wear off before Zhong Yiren leaned down.         “Ms. Xu?  Ms. Xu, can you hear me?” she asked.  After a moment, their patient, Xu Rongyao, slowly opened her eyes, causing everyone in the ambulance to let out a sigh of relief as Xu Rongyao let out a soft groan.         “Yuyu…” she croaked, just as Chen Yuzhi stepped forward and comfortingly rubbed her arm.         “Ms. Xu, I’m Dr. Chen Yuzhi.  You’ll be fine” he promised as she turned to look at him.         “Yuyu…” she repeated before she made to sit up.         “Please help my daughter!” she begged, only to have Chen Yuzhi gently push her back down.         “Don’t move” he instructed as Zhan Junbai looked at her.         “Please calm down or you’ll open your wound” he added.  Xu Rongyao complied with their instructions and laid still before she looked at Chen Yuzhi.         “My daughter…is inside” she panted.  Chen Yuzhi and the rest of the MER team looked at her in shock.         “Inside?” Chu Min repeated as Chen Yuzhi looked over at Yu Tangchun.         “Tangchun, please inform Chief Jiang” he instructed.  Yu Tangchun nodded and quickly made his way to the entrance of the operating room as Chen Yuzhi looked back at Xu Rongyao.         “It’s okay, Ms. Xu, please calm down first” he soothed, just as Jiang Yuelou stepped into the operating room and walked over to the gurney, looking down at Xu Rongyao.         “I’m Chief Jiang Yuelou of the Jing City Police Department.  The criminal says he wants you; do you know him?” he demanded.  Chen Yuzhi glanced at him before he looked at Xu Rongyao again as she nodded weakly.         “He’s my ex…husband.  He was very violent.  I ran away with my daughter…but he followed me.  He…attacked the customers…and stabbed me.  But Yuyu…she’s still…still inside” she explained.  Jiang Yuelou looked at her in horror.         “She’s still inside?!” he exclaimed.  Xu Rongyao nodded weakly again.         “Please help me.  Please!” she begged, Zhong Yiren, Chen Yuzhi, and Zhan Junbai all soothing her to keep her blood pressure down when Jiang Yuelou looked at Chen Yuzhi.         “Dr. Chen.  A word” he requested.  Chen Yuzhi looked back at him before he looked at Zhan Junbai.         “You’re in charge” he instructed before he stepped away and followed after Jiang Yuelou, both men stepping out of the operating room.         “Yes?” he asked.         “Don’t transport her yet” Jiang Yuelou instructed, causing Chen Yuzhi to look at him in shock.         “What…why?!” he demanded.  Jiang Yuelou huffed.         “She’s the bargaining chip we need” he replied.  Chen Yuzhi shook his head.         “Absolutely not, she needs to go to the hospital immediately—” he started when Jiang Yuelou grabbed him by the front of his scrubs.         “The life of a child is at stake!  This is what the mother wants!” he exclaimed.  Chen Yuzhi was quiet before he sighed and nodded slightly.         “We’ll take care of her until the last minute.  But if the situation becomes dangerous, we’re transporting her right away” he murmured.  Jiang Yuelou looked at him before he released his scrub, just as his earpiece crackled.         “Chief Jiang, there’s a demand from the suspect!” an officer exclaimed, causing Jiang Yuelou to sigh before he pulled his phone out of his pocket and held it up between him and Chen Yuzhi to show a live feed of the suspect at the second-story window again, but this time he was holding a little girl in his arms and pointing his gun at her.         “Bring Rongyao here! Otherwise…I’ll kill the child!” he shouted.  After seeing the video, Jiang Yuelou and Chen Yuzhi looked at each other before Jiang Yuelou turned and headed back into the operating room, showing the video to Xu Rongyao.         “Can you confirm that this is your daughter?” he asked.  Xu Rongyao frowned but the minute she saw the little girl on the video, her eyes widened and she slowly lifted her head so that she could see the video better.         “Yuyu…” she breathed as the video continued to play.         “Bring Rongyao here!” the suspect roared, causing Xu Rongyao to slowly push herself up off the bed.         “I’ll go” she declared, only to have Zhan Junbai and Yu Tangchun gently push her back down.         “You can’t move right now” they murmured as Jiang Yuelou looked at her.         “We’re a team specializing in barricading cases.  We’ll put time into developing a strategy” he promised, only for Xu Rongyao to shake her head.         “By then, Yuyu will die” she exclaimed, causing everyone to look at her in confusion as she whimpered.         “That child has type 1 diabetes.  I just gave her insulin, but she hasn’t eaten!” she exclaimed, causing Chen Yuzhi’s eyes to widen in horror as Jiang Yuelou frowned.         “What’s that?” he asked as Chen Yuzhi looked at Xu Rongyao.         “Has she ever had a hypoglycemic shock?” he inquired.  Xu Rongyao nodded.         “Yes” she answered.         “Which hospital?  Which hospital do you go to?” Chen Yuzhi asked gently.         “Jing City Medical” Xu Rongyao replied.  Chen Yuzhi nodded.         “Okay” he whispered before he looked at the others.         “Excuse me for a moment” he murmured as he stepped away and pulled out his phone, dialing a number.         “Dr. Qiu.  Yes, this is Dr. Chen.  Listen, I need the medical file of one of your patients, a Xu Yuyu.  She has type 1 diabetes.  If you could please send the file to the MER, I would appreciate it” he stated.  Not even a moment later, the medical files appeared on Chu Min’s iPad, causing him to look up at Chen Yuzhi.         “Dr. Chen.  I’ve got the medical records.  I’ll share them now” he declared before he shared the files to the television screens in the MER, all of the doctors and Jiang Yuelou turning to look at the files.         “Her blood sugar is out of control.  She’s had 3 hypoglycemic attacks” Chu Ran murmured as Zhan Junbai hummed.         “She uses fast-acting insulin of the grangin and aspart types” he stated as Chen Yuzhi looked at his watch.         “Almost an hour’s passed since the injection, she’s in an extreme state of tension.  She could have a seizure at any time” he declared.         “But what does that mean?!” Jiang Yuelou exclaimed, making Chen Yuzhi turn to look at him.         “Yuyu lacks a hormone that lowers blood sugar levels and has a resulting condition called hyperglycemia.  Therefore, she has to inject that hormone called insulin before meals.  She has to eat after lowering her blood sugar but she hasn’t eaten until now, which means that her blood sugar level is too low.  She’s at an increased risk of having a hypoglycemic attack” he explained.  Jiang Yuelou frowned.         “What if she has a seizure?” he asked.           “Cold sweat, heart palpitations, convulsions, disturbance of consciousness…if left alone, it will lead to death” Yu Tangchun answered.   ~*~*~*~*~*~ Meanwhile, inside the restaurant, the suspect walked over to Yuyu, who was leaning against the side of the stairs almost in a catatonic state, and sat down beside her, pulling out a package of chocolate.           “Yuyu, here.  Eat this” he instructed before he shoved one of the candies in her mouth, Yuyu beginning to eat as he closed the package.         “Just wait.  Mom will be coming soon” he promised, just as Yuyu’s eyes fluttered and she fainted.  The minute he heard Yuyu’s head hit the wooden stair, the suspect turned and when he saw that she was unconscious, his eyes widened in horror.         “Hey, Yuyu.  What’s wrong?  Hey!” he exclaimed, reaching out to shake her shoulder. ~*~*~*~*~*~ Back in the MER, Chen Yuzhi looked at Jiang Yuelou.           “Glucose needs to be administered” he stated before he looked over at Chu Ran.         “Chu Ran, prepare 2 bottles of 20cc of 50% glucose” he instructed.  Chu Ran nodded.         “Understood” she replied, quickly rushing to start preparing the bottles as Chen Yuzhi looked over at her again.         “Just in case, add 1 vial of glucagon” he ordered.  Chu Ran nodded as he looked at Chu Min.         “Chu Min, do you have a blood glucose meter?” he asked.  Chu Min nodded.         “I’ll go get it!” he declared.  Chen Yuzhi nodded.         “I’ll leave it to you” he replied, Chu Min rushing out of the room as Jiang Yuelou’s walkie-talkie crackled.         “Chief Jiang, the suspect is shouting!” a voice exclaimed, causing Jiang Yuelou to pull his phone out of his pocket, Chen Yuzhi stepping over to look at the screen with him.         “Yuyu has collapsed!  Hurry up and bring Rongyao!  Yuyu will die!” he shouted.  Jiang Yuelou then let out a growl before he rushed over to the entrance of the MER and opened the door, jumping out as Chen Yuzhi looked at Chu Ran.         “Chu Ran, hurry please” he instructed before he looked over at Xu Rongyao, who was still struggling to sit up.         “Ms. Xu, the police are here.  It’s okay.  Please breathe peacefully, breathe slowly.  It’s okay” he soothed, walking over to her before cupping the back of her head so that she was looking at him.         “It’s fine, she’ll be okay.  I won’t let her die” he promised.   ~*~*~*~*~*~ While Chen Yuzhi was soothing Xu Rongyao, Jiang Yuelou was running back over to his team.         “Team B, do you have a clear shot?” he inquired.         “We don’t, the hostage is being used as a shield” the sniper who was positioned across from the restaurant, a subordinate by the name of Sun Yongren, answered.         “The child is in danger.  Shoot him when you have a clear shot” Jiang Yuelou barked.           “Understood” Sun Yongren answered.  Jiang Yuelou then took a deep breath before he picked up the mic that connected to the car’s horn speaker.         “This is Chief Jiang Yuelou, I’m in charge of the scene.  According to the doctor, Yuyu’s condition is serious.  It’s a race against time.  Will you let Yuyu take an injection?” he inquired.           “No way!  The police should stay away!” the suspect shouted back.  Jiang Yuelou growled.         “Yuyu will die, are you okay with that?!” he roared.         “Hurry up and send Rongyao!” the suspect shouted. ~*~*~*~*~*~ In the MER, Xu Rongyao looked at Chen Yuzhi weakly.         “Let me go.  I’ll take her place” she croaked as Zhan Junbai looked over at him as well.         “Yuzhi, she’s tachycardic and tachypneic and seems to be in poor condition.  Her blood pressure’s also dropping.  We need to get her to the hospital; it’s dangerous” he stated.  Chen Yuzhi nodded.         “Let’s transport.  Yiren, give her 12 liters of oxygen” he ordered before he looked at Yu Tangchun.         “Tangchun, raise the speed of the blood transfusion” he continued.  Yu Tangchun and Zhong Yiren nodded and began to work when Xu Rongyao looked at Chen Yuzhi.         “Please…let me go…” she begged.  Chen Yuzhi looked back at her before he reached out and gently placed a hand on her arm.         “We will help your daughter.  I promise you” he promised.  Xu Rongyao looked at him before she weakly lifted her arm, causing him to look down at it before he gently grasped it in his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze as Zhong Yiren looked at him.         “Oxygen replacement is completed” she stated as Yu Tangchun looked at him as well.         “Monitoring is done” he declared.  Chen Yuzhi hummed as Zhan Junbai looked at the monitor.         “12 liters of oxygen, saturation is…89.  It could be ARDS” he mused, making Chen Yuzhi look over at him.         “Please tell them to be careful about her breathing condition during transportation” he instructed.  His team nodded as they began transporting Xu Rongyao out of the MER, Chen Yuzhi letting go of her hand before he slipped his jacket back on and took a deep breath.  He wasn’t going to let this child die.  Absolutely not. ~*~*~*~*~*~ While they were transporting Xu Rongyao to an ambulance, in the restaurant, the suspect was pacing back and forth, spewing curses and kicking over chairs, absolutely fuming while Yuyu laid on some cushions, her breathing very slow and shallow.  Meanwhile, outside, Chen Yuzhi and Chu Ran ran over to the barricade and Jiang Yuelou, Chen Yuzhi looking at him with wide eyes.         “Jiang Yuelou!” he shouted, causing Jiang Yuelou looking over at him as he panted harshly.         “We had to transport Rongyao.  It was too dangerous to keep her here” he stated.  Jiang Yuelou growled and smacked the barricade in anger as Chen Yuzhi looked at him.         “You need to get me to the restaurant.  I’ll carry the medicine and administer it to Yuyu” he declared, causing Jiang Yuelou to look at him with wide eyes.         “Are you out of your fucking mind?!” he shouted.         “The criminal didn’t say anything about medical workers, did he?” Chen Yuzhi asked, only for Jiang Yuelou to shake his head.         “Absolutely not.  It’s too dangerous” he argued.         “There’s no time!” Chen Yuzhi shouted, causing Jiang Yuelou to look at him in shock as he huffed.         “I have to hurry up and help Yuyu or else she will die.  Please” he begged.  Jiang Yuelou looked at him before he sighed and looked over at another one of his officers.         “Song Rong, bring your shield” he ordered.  The officer, Song Rong, nodded.         “Yes sir” he replied as Chen Yuzhi stepped over the barricade, Chu Ran handing him the bag of medicine before he looked at Jiang Yuelou and nodded, both men plus a few of Jiang Yuelou’s subordinates making their way towards the restaurant.  Once they reached the restaurant, Jiang Yuelou and his men set up their shields as Chen Yuzhi looked up to the second story-window and raised his hands, showing the clear bag full of medicine.           “Mr. Liang!  I’m Dr. Chen Yuzhi.  I’m bringing glucose and blood sugar raising medicine now” he called out, only to have the suspect, Liang Xiaorun, point his gun at them.         “No!  You might be the police!” he shouted.           “Then what do you want to do?  Yuyu’s condition is serious, she has to take medicine right away!” Chen Yuzhi called back.           “Then a woman!  I’ll allow a nurse!” Liang Xiaorun shouted.  Chen Yuzhi shook his head.         “You either get me or you allow your daughter to die!  What’s it going to be, Mr. Liang?” he shouted, just as Jiang Yuelou’s walkie-talkie crackled.         “This is the main office.  Jiang Yuelou, what are you doing?” a voice inquired, causing Jiang Yuelou to click the talk button.         “Director Zhao—” he started.         “Why are you having a doctor negotiate?” the voice demanded.  Jiang Yuelou huffed.         “The condition of the child hostage is serious and there’s no time to spare” he answered.           “Are you going to rely on amateurs?  Disguise a female police officer as a nurse” Zhao Jingming ordered, just as Chen Yuzhi turned toward Jiang Yuelou and reached out, turning him towards him.         “Excuse me” he murmured before he grabbed the walkie-talkie and pressed the talk button.         “This is Dr. Chen Yuzhi of the Jing City MER.  In order to save the patient, we’ll need to administer glucose and other drugs depending on the situation.  It’s impossible to do if you’re not a medical professional” he stated.         “I’m not asking for your opinion!” Zhao Jingming roared.         “Offering a civilian to a barricading criminal, you’re a disgrace to the police force!” another director exclaimed.         “If you make a mistake, not only the commissioner, but the police force will lose credibility” a third director stated, causing Chen Yuzhi to take a deep breath as Zhao Jingming huffed over the line.         “Jiang Yuelou, don’t you have any pride as a police officer?” he demanded.         “In the unlikely even anything happens, our honor as police will completely collapse!” another director exclaimed, just as Chen Yuzhi clicked the talk button again.         “That’s enough” he hissed, his voice so venomous that Jiang Yuelou couldn’t help but look at him in shock as he continued to hold the walkie-talkie to his mouth.         “There is a child dying right in front of us.  Honor or shame, she doesn’t care about that.  If we don’t go now, we won’t be able to help her!  So, get your heads out of your fucking asses and THINK!  Imagine if this was your child who was in trouble.  You wouldn’t be sitting around arguing about all of this nonsense, you would be doing everything in your power to save them.  Don’t you think Yuyu deserves that same courtesy?!” he roared.  The line was silent before a new voice spoke.         “This is Governor Bai Jinbo.  Please adopt the idea of Dr. Chen.  I’ll take all responsibility” a voice assured, causing one of the directors to sigh.         “Well, this is a police issue.  Please don’t say unnecessary things” he instructed, just as Chen Yuzhi growled.         “I wonder how you all will be able to sleep at night knowing that you let an innocent girl die because of politics” he snarled before he let go of the walkie-talkie and looked at Jiang Yuelou.         “I’m going in” he declared.  Jiang Yuelou���s eyes widened in horror before he shook his head.         “Like hell you are!” he exclaimed.  Chen Yuzhi growled.         “I’m not letting this girl die, Jiang Yuelou.  I’m not” he snarled.  Jiang Yuelou looked at him before he sighed.         “Fine.  Song Rong, get the mic” he ordered.  Song Rong looked over at him and nodded as Jiang Yuelou’s walkie-talkie crackled.         “Jiang Yuelou, are you doing it?” Zhao Jingming demanded, causing Jiang Yuelou to pick up his walkie-talkie.         “It’s the only way now” he answered before he looked at Chen Yuzhi and grabbed him by the arm, dragging him into a nearby restaurant, Song Rong following behind.           “Hit the mic once when there’s a chance for rescue; hit the mic twice if your life is in danger.  I’ll rush in to save you” he promised as Song Rong set up the mic under Chen Yuzhi’s MER jacket.  Chen Yuzhi nodded.         “I understand” he replied, taking off his headset, just as Zhan Junbai ran into the restaurant and looked at him with wide eyes.         “Yuzhi!” he exclaimed, causing Chen Yuzhi and Jiang Yuelou to look at him before Jiang Yuelou looked back at Chen Yuzhi.         “I thought you said it was only you!” he exclaimed.  Chen Yuzhi nodded.         “And it is” he replied before he looked at Zhan Junbai and handed him his headset.           “Here” he declared.  Zhan Junbai shook his head as he reached out and took the headset.         “But—” he started when Chen Yuzhi smiled.         “I’ll be fine” he promised before he looked at Jiang Yuelou and nodded.         “Let’s go” he ordered.  Jiang Yuelou nodded and they headed out of the restaurant, making their way to the restaurant before Chen Yuzhi slowly walked over to the restaurant, Liang Xiaorun opening the door.         “I thought I said I wanted a nurse” he growled.  Chen Yuzhi looked at him calmly.         “And I told you, you either get me or Yuyu dies.  And I know you don’t want Yuyu to die, Mr. Liang” he replied gently.  Liang Xiaorun was quiet before he motioned to the bag.         “Let me see what’s inside” he ordered.  Chen Yuzhi nodded and opened the bag, showing him the content as he looked at him.         “Are you really a doctor?” he asked.         “I’m sure you’ll be able to tell when I treat Yuyu” Chen Yuzhi answered.  Liang Xiaorun was quiet before he grabbed him by the wrist and dragged him into the restaurant.         “Get in, hurry up!” he barked, dragging Chen Yuzhi over to where Yuyu was lying on the cushions.  The minute he saw her, his heart clenched; God, she was the same age as Keying.  He then quickly knelt beside her and smiled softly.         “You’re doing great, sweetheart.  You’re going to be okay” he promised before he reached into the bag and pulled out one of the two syringes full of 20cc of 50% glucose, injecting it into Yuyu’s arm.         “This is going to sting a little” he explained as he continued to inject it into her body and once he had injected the glucose, he looked at Yuyu, only to find her weakly looking at him as her chest began to rise and fall rather rapidly, a wheezing sound coming out of her mouth.  At the sound of the wheezing, Chen Yuzhi frowned, just as Liang Xiaorun looked over at him.         “When you’re done, get out of here!” he barked.  Chen Yuzhi shook his head.         “It’s strange, she should be getting better” she murmured, causing Liang Xiaorun to storm over and point his gun at him.         “Hey, what’s wrong?  I thought she’d be better!” he exclaimed as Chen Yuzhi leaned down, noting that Yuyu’s breathing was becoming higher in pitch, almost as if she was gasping for air.  He then quickly looked her over, lifting up her shirt for a moment before he looked at her neck and brushed back her hair, only to find a bright red rash crawling up her neck.         “What did you give her?” he demanded, turning to look at Liang Xiaorun, who frowned.         “What?” he replied.         “Tell me!  What did you give her?” Chen Yuzhi repeated.  Liang Xiaorun looked at him before he pulled out the package of chocolate from his suit pocket, showing it to him.         “This…chocolate” he replied.  Chen Yuzhi looked at the chocolate before he reached out and grabbed it from him, turning it over in his hands so that he could read the ingredients on the back.  As he read through the ingredients, he noticed that one of the ingredients was almond powder, causing his eyes to widen in horror; Yuyu was allergic to almonds.           “Oh god” he breathed as Liang Xiaorun looked at him.         “What’s wrong with her?!” he shouted.           “It’s from what you fed her.  Yuyu has an almond allergy” Chen Yuzhi replied, turning to look at him.  Liang Xiaorun’s eyes widened before he shook his head.         “I didn’t know that!” he exclaimed as Chen Yuzhi turned back to look at Yuyu.         “Shallow breathing due to anaphylactic shock.  It’s life threatening if not treated quickly” he declared, quickly scooping Yuyu into his arms before he made his way towards the entrance of the restaurant, only for Liang Xiaorun to turn towards him and fire his gun, hitting a vase a few feet in front of him.  As the vase shattered, Chen Yuzhi let out a shout and pulled Yuyu close, making Jiang Yuelou, Zhan Junbai, and the rest of Jiang Yuelou’s team in the restaurant across the street look at the screen with wide eyes.         “What the hell was that?” Zhan Junbai demanded, Jiang Yuelou shaking his head.         “I don’t know.  Yongren, can you confirm the situation inside?” he inquired, just as Chen Yuzhi, carrying Yuyu in his arms, and Liang Xiaorun appeared in the second-story window, Liang Xiaorun pointing a gun at Chen Yuzhi’s head.         “Should we shoot the criminal?” Sun Yongren inquired.         “Don’t, the hostages are too close” Jiang Yuelou replied as Zhan Junbai stepped over to him and looked over his shoulder at the screen, frowning.         “Wait a minute, something’s wrong” he murmured as Chen Yuzhi looked at Sun Yongren and the snipers on the rooftop across the street, as they had a camera with them.         “Dr. Zhan!  Yuyu’s gone into anaphylactic shock; she’s having trouble breathing!  Please bring adrenaline!” he requested as Liang Xiaorun looked at the police officers.         “A woman!  Let a nurse bring it!” he ordered, Zhan Junbai immediately pressing his headseat.         “Chu Min, adrenaline” he ordered.         “I’ll bring it right away” Chu Min answered as Zhan Junbai turned away from Jiang Yuelou.         “I’ll go” he declared, about to head out when Jiang Yuelou turned to look at him.         “Wait!” he shouted, making Zhan Junbai stop and turn back to look at him.         “What?” he demanded.         “We can’t add to the hostages anymore.  You have to go with another plan” Jiang Yuelou stated.  Zhan Junbai looked at him in confusion.         “Another plan?” he repeated. ~*~*~*~*~*~ Meanwhile, back in the restaurant and away from the window, Chen Yuzhi looked over at Liang Xiaorun as he cradled Yuyu to his chest.         “Please.  Release this child and I’ll stay” he pleaded, making Liang Xiaorun look over at him before he stormed over to him.         “Shut up, I have no use for you” he shouted, just as a phone trill echoed throughout the restaurant, making his eyes widen before he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out his phone, looking at the caller ID.         “Rongyao” he breathed before he quickly answered the phone and placed it to his ear.         “What are you doing?  Hurry over here or Yuyu will die!” he shouted, still pointing his gun at Chen Yuzhi and Yuyu.         “This is Chief Jiang Yuelou of the Jing City Police Department” Jiang Yuelou greeted, causing Liang Xiaorun to pause before he growled.         “Get Rongyao over here!” he ordered.           “I’m telling you this on behalf of Ms. Xu: the EpiPen you need to help Yuyu seems to be in the chest of drawers in Rongyao’s room.  I want you to use it to save Yuyu” Jiang Yuelou stated calmly, causing Liang Xiaorun to frown.         “In Rongyao’s room?” he repeated, causing Jiang Yuelou to huff softly.         “Didn’t you know Rongyao lived at her place of work?  When you leave through the back aisle of the store, it seems that Rongyao and Yuyu’s room is there” he declared.  Liang Xiaorun was quiet before he slowly backed away from Chen Yuzhi and walked over to the aisle of the store, looking at the back of the aisle before he took a deep breath.         “I got it” he replied, hanging up before he walked back over to Chen Yuzhi and looked at him.         “Hey.  Pick up Yuyu and come with me” he ordered, motioning for him to follow him.  Chen Yuzhi shook his head.         “It’s not good to move her” he argued, and apparently it wasn’t what Liang Xiaorun wanted to hear because he let out a growl as he reached out and yanked Yuyu out of his arm, placing her back down on the cushions before he grabbed Chen Yuzhi and yanked him to his feet, dragging him over to a nearby chair.  He then sat him down and quickly zip-tied him to the chair before he pointed the gun at him.         “Don’t do anything stupid” he warned before he took off towards Xu Rongyao and Yuyu’s room.  Once he was gone, Chen Yuzhi began to struggle against his zip-ties, hoping to slip out of them while also trying to not alert Liang Xiaorun. ~*~*~*~*~*~ Meanwhile, back in the restaurant across the street, Jiang Yuelou stared at his screen, just as Sun Yongren’s voice came over the mic.         “Sir, I can’t see anything inside!” he exclaimed, causing Jiang Yuelou and Zhan Junbai to growl.  Damn it; this was getting ridiculous. ~*~*~*~*~*~ While Liang Xiaorun was absolute tearing Xu Rongyao and Yuyu’s room apart, looking for the EpiPen, outside in the restaurant, Chen Yuzhi continued to struggle in his bonds before he finally tipped himself over, causing him to hiss in pain.         ‘Shit’ he thought to himself before he slowly dragged himself over to a nearby cabinet and knocked his shoulder where the mic was against it, hoping that Jiang Yuelou would be able to hear it. ~*~*~*~*~*~ Back in the restaurant across the street, Jiang Yuelou’s eyes widened before he shot to his feet.         “It’s Dr. Chen” he breathed, quickly running out of the restaurant and over to Song Rong and his team.         “Let’s go” he ordered.  Song Rong nodded and waited for Jiang Yuelou to take the lead before he followed after him, the others following behind.  They they made their way over to the restaurant and slipped through the side door, causing Chen Yuzhi to look over at them.         “Over here” he whispered.  Jiang Yuelou nodded and quickly rushed over to him, snipping him free before helping him to his feet.         “There” he murmured as Chen Yuzhi quickly and quietly ran over to where Yuyu was still lying on the cushions, scooping her into his arms before he looked over at Jiang Yuelou.         “Let’s go” he whispered.  Jiang Yuelou nodded and motioned for the other officers to get out of the restaurant before he and Chen Yuzhi rushed out behind them, Yuyu in Chen Yuzhi’s arms. ~*~*~*~*~*~ Meanwhile, in Rongyao and Yuyu’s room, Liang Xiaorun continued to search the room for the EpiPen when he suddenly stepped on the television remote, turning on the television to the news station.         “It seems the police have rushed into the scene and now there seems to be movement.  Police have just left the scene” the newscaster announced, causing Liang Xiaorun’s eyes to widen before he pushed himself to his feet and ran over to the window, lifting up the blinds to shoot when Sun Yongren took a shot, hitting him in the abdomen.   ~*~*~*~*~*~ Back in the restaurant across the street, Zhan Junbai, who was keeping an eye on the situation through Sun Yongren’s camera, pressed his headset.         “This is Zhan Junbai.  Once you see Dr. Chen, take Yuyu and carry her directly to the ER car” he ordered.           “Roger” everyone replied. ~*~*~*~*~*~ Back outside, Chen Yuzhi and Jiang Yuelou continued to run from the restaurant, Yuyu cradled tightly in Chen Yuzhi’s arms, when a gunshot rang out, causing Chen Yuzhi to let out a scream of pain as he collapsed to the ground, shielding Yuyu with his body as he fell so that she wouldn’t be hurt in the fall.         “Chen Yuzhi!” Jiang Yuelou exclaimed, kneeling down beside the young doctor as he looked up at him.         “Take Yuyu…take her to the MER” he croaked before he weakly passed Yuyu over to him, causing him to blink before he shook his head.         “What about you?” he demanded.  Chen Yuzhi smiled weakly.         “She’s more important” he answered.  Jiang Yuelou made a face before he looked over at his officers.         “SONG RONG!” he shouted.  Soon two officers with shields appeared, Song Rong behind them as Jiang Yuelou passed Yuyu off to him.         “Take her to the MER van.  Go!” he ordered.  Song Rong nodded and cradled Yuyu in his arms before he and the two officers ran away from the restaurant towards the MER van as Liang Xiaorun, who poking his head out of the second story window, looked down at Chen Yuzhi and Jiang Yuelou.         “Oi, doctor!  Get back here or I’ll kill you!” he roared.  Jiang Yuelou looked up at him and growled, about to give Sun Yongren the order to shoot when he felt a gentle hand on his arm, forcing him to look down to see Chen Yuzhi looking at him.         “It’s fine.  Don’t shoot.  I’ll go” he whispered.  Jiang Yuelou looked at him in shock.         “But you’re hurt” he argued.  Chen Yuzhi smiled.         “I’m fine” he promised before he slowly pushed himself to a sitting position, hissing softly before he slowly pushed himself to his feet, clutching at his left arm.  He then looked at Jiang Yuelou and nodded.         “Make sure you take care of Yuyu” he instructed, just as a gunshot hit the ground beside him, causing him to cry out in fear as Jiang Yuelou looked up at Liang Xiaorun with rage.         “Shut up and come back already!” Liang Xiaorun ordered.  Chen Yuzhi then took a deep breath before he turned and slowly made his way back to the restaurant, much to Jiang Yuelou’s horror.         “Chen Yuzhi, no!” he shouted, but Chen Yuzhi ignored him and continued on his way towards the restaurant, stepping inside.   ~*~*~*~*~*~ Once he stepped inside the restaurant, Liang Xiaorun ran over to him and grabbed him by the fabric on his injured left shoulder, causing him to hiss in pain as he dragged him into the restaurant.         “Stop fucking around, damn it!” he shouted before he released him and slapped him across the face, sending him to the ground with a cry.  He then took a few deep breaths and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, as his arm was burning, before he looked back at Liang Xiaorun, who was pointing his gun at him.         “If you kill me…it’s over for you” he panted.  Liang Xiaorun scoffed as he stepped towards him, the gun still out in front of him, when Chen Yuzhi shook his head.         “You shouldn’t…move around.  You might have…organ damage” he stated, causing Liang Xiaorun to look down at his abdomen, which was still bleeding, before he growled.         “Shut up, damn it!” he shouted, pointing the gun at him again before he slumped to the ground, clutching at his wound as Chen Yuzhi looked at him in concern; even though the man had fucking shot him…he couldn’t let him die. ~*~*~*~*~*~ Inside the MER, Zhan Junbai, who had rushed to help the others since Chen Yuzhi was…a little preoccupied, taped his headset as he began to prep for surgery outside of the emergency.         “Fu Cheng, please give her a quick infusion through the peripheral infusion line” he requested.         “One shot of 10mg of chlorpeniramine?” Yu Tangchun replied as Zhong Yiren placed an oxygen mask over Yuyu’s face.         “Yes.  Chu Min, prepare the monitor” Zhan Junbai continued.           “Okay” Chu Min replied as Zhan Junbai dried off his hands after washing them.         “Chu Ran, administer 0.3mg of adrenaline intramuscularly through the thigh” he ordered.         “Understood” Chu Ran answered.           “Yiren, 8 liters of oxygen” Zhan Junbai finished.         “Understood” Zhong Yiren declared as Zhan Junbai slipped on his mask and turned towards the doors of the operating room.         “TO1, open” he ordered.  The doors then opened and he stepped inside, walking over to the operating table.         “You were scared, weren’t you, A-Yu?  Don’t worry, it’s okay now” he promised as Zhong Yiren looked over at him.         “There’s severe contraction” she stated as Yu Tangchun looked at him.         “I can’t get in.  Her bronchi are spasming” he declared, Chu Min looking at him as well.         “Saturating is at 70!” he exclaimed.  Zhan Junbai hummed.         “Let’s intubate” he instructed.  Zhong Yiren nodded and quickly removed the mask, getting the tube ready as Zhan Junbai knelt down so that he was close to Yuyu.         “A-Yu, I’m going to put a straw into your mouth now.  It’ll make you feel better so do you best while I open your mouth” he instructed gently as Zhong Yiren grabbed the intubator and opened Yuyu’s mouth, carefully placing it inside before she continued with the intubation process.  Once the intubation was complete, Zhong Yiren tried to pump oxygen into Yuyu’s body again but it didn’t work.         “It’s no good.  I can’t ventilate!” she exclaimed as Chu Min looked at Zhan Junbai.         “Saturation is 62!  Blood pressure has fallen to 72 over 40!” he exclaimed.  Chu Ran shook her head.         “If this keeps going, she’ll go into cardiac arrest!” she cried as Yu Tangchun placed the stethoscope over Yuyu’s chest, trying to listen her breathing.  When he couldn’t hear anything, he removed the stethoscope from his ears and looked at Zhan Junbai.         “Should I administer adrenaline intravenously?” he asked.  Zhan Junbai shook his head.         “No, administer it intratracheally” he ordered before he glanced at Chu Ran.         “Chu Ran, 1 tube of adrenaline and 10 of saline” he requested.  Chu Ran nodded.         “Okay” she agreed, quickly beginning to make the tube as Zhan Junbai looked at Zhong Yiren.         “I’ll take over, Yiren” he declared before he looked at Yuyu.         “Yuyu, I’m giving you some medicine.  This will make it easier so let’s do our best some more” he instructed, carefully placing an IV line into the intubator, shoving it all the way down before he turned towards Chu Ran.         “Please” he requested, holding out his hand.         “It’s diluted adrenaline” Chu Ran declared, handing him the syringe.  Zhan Junbai dipped his head.         “Thank you” he thanked, taking the syringe before injecting it into the line.         “It’s in” he declared before he looked at Yu Tangchun, who placed the earpieces back into his ears and placed the chestpiece on Yuyu’s chest again.         “How is it?” he asked as he turned and looked over at the monitor, watching as Yuyu’s blood pressure began to rise.  While they all watched the monitor, Zhong Yiren squeezed the oxygen bag, letting out a sigh of relief.         “There’s little resistance in the bag” he declared as Chu Min grinned.         “Saturation has risen to 96!” he exclaimed, causing everyone to let out sighs of relief as Zhan Junbai looked at Yuyu and smiled.         “You did well, A-Yu.  Well done, it’s okay” he promised, gently stroking her hair before he looked at Yu Tangchun.         “Fu Cheng, please hand her over to the ambulance crew.  Make sure she’s taken to the same hospital as Rongyao so that she can see her mother right away” he instructed.  Yu Tangchun nodded and made to leave when Chu Min looked at them with wide eyes.         “I just got the video the Jing City Police Department shared” he declared, causing everyone to freeze and turn towards the televisions to see Liang Xiaorun and a very bloody Chen Yuzhi at the second-story window, Liang Xiaorun pointing his gun at Chen Yuzhi’s head.         “Send Rongyao and Yuyu!  If the two of them don’t come in ten minutes, I’ll kill this doctor!” he declared, pressing the gun into Chen Yuzhi’s head.   ~*~*~*~*~*~ Meanwhile, at Keying’s daycare, Keying was reading a book when her ears perked up at the news playing on the tv in the teacher’s breakroom.         “We’ve just received word that the six-year-old female hostage was rescued.  The head doctor in charge of MER, who attempted to rescue the girl, is currently being held hostage by the man that barricaded himself inside” the newscaster declared, making Keying look up before she closed the book and pushed herself to her feet, heading out of her classroom to the breakroom as the newscaster continued to talk.         “That man is now making new demands for his already protected wife and daughter to be handed over.  If the two aren’t brought out in ten minutes, he’s threatening to kill the female hostage…” she continued, just as Keying’s teacher looked behind her to see Keying watching the television along with them.         “Keying!” she exclaimed before she reached out to touch her.         “Keying, let’s play over there—” she started when Keying looked at her.         “Let me see!” she exclaimed, causing her teacher to shake her head.         “You shouldn’t see this—” she started.         “This unforgivable situation continues; how will the police respond—” the newscaster declared. ~*~*~*~*~*~ Back at the scene, in the restaurant across the street, Jiang Yuelou was also watching the news before he clicked it off and pressed the mic that connected him to the directors in the Jing City Police Department.         “Please thoroughly regulate the news!  It’s possible the rescue operation was exposed by a live tv broadcast” he declared, causing Zhao Jingming to sigh in irritation.         “I’m dealing with it!” he snapped, just as Zhan Junbai ran into the restaurant.         “Jiang-xiong!” he exclaimed, Jiang Yuelou looking over at him.         “How’s Yuyu?” he inquired.  Zhan Junbai nodded.         “She’s fine” he promised.  Jiang Yuelou let out a sigh of relief and nodded before he turned back to his screen.         “Thank God.  Now we just need to hurry up and make the next rescue because I don’t know how long Chen Yuzhi can hold out” he murmured.  Zhan Junbai frowned.         “What do you mean?” he asked.  Jiang Yuelou looked at him.         “Didn’t you see how bloody his jacket was?  The fucking bastard shot him.  He’s losing blood right now and while I’m not a doctor, I know that if he’s not treated soon, he’s going to lose consciousness or even die” he stated.  Zhan Junbai’s eyes widened before he growled.         “Bastard…” he hissed.  Jiang Yuelou nodded.         “I know” he agreed before he took a deep breath.         ‘I hope Yuzhi’s doing okay’ he thought to himself. ~*~*~*~*~*~ Inside the restaurant, Chen Yuzhi, who was beginning to feel lightheaded, looked over at Liang Xiaorun, who was looking as shitty as he was feeling, before he sighed and slowly pushed himself to his feet, walking over to him.         “Sit down” he ordered.  Liang Xiaorun looked at him in confusion.         “Why?” he demanded.  Chen Yuzhi huffed.         “Because I’m going to bandage your wound.  Now sit down” he growled.  Liang Xiaorun was quiet before he sat down, Chen Yuzhi kneeling before him.  He then reached over and grabbed a roll of bandages, beginning to wrap the bandage around Liang Xiaorun’s waist, ignoring the way his shoulder screamed in protest.         “What an idiot.  I can’t believe you’re treating me, even after I shot you” Liang Xiaorun grumbled.  Chen Yuzhi huffed softly.         “I’m a doctor, I treat everyone, good or bad.  And besides, I can’t just leave it alone” he stated before he looked at him.         “Besides…I worked hard to save Rongyao and Yuyu…so I should work hard to save you” he declared.  Liang Xiaorun scoffed.         “How useless.  In the end, I’ll kill you and make you regret it” he declared before he grabbed him and spun him around, causing him to cry out in pain as he placed a zip-tie around his wrists and tightened it, tightening it so tightly that the plastic nearly cut into his wrist.         ‘Fuck’ he hissed, tears of pain streaming down his cheeks. ~*~*~*~*~*~ Back in the restaurant across the street, Jiang Yuelou and Zhan Junbai looked at each other.         “What’s your plan to save Dr. Chen?” Zhan Junbai asked.  Jiang Yuelou shook his head.         “God, I don’t know…we can’t get close or he might shoot us.  But if we don’t get close, Chen Yuzhi might die in there” he stated.  Zhan Junbai shook his head.         “And we can’t let that happen” he declared.  Jiang Yuelou nodded.         “Yeah…” he murmured before he growled.         “Fuck, we gotta do something” he grumbled, Zhan Junbai nodding in agreement before Jiang Yuelou’s eyes widened.         “Let’s distract him” he declared.  Zhan Junbai frowned.         “Distract him how?” he demanded.  Jiang Yuelou hummed.         “I’ll have a few of my men slowly start making their way towards the restaurant.  I’m sure that’ll freak out Xiaorun and cause him to do something stupid, like open fire on us.  While he’s attacking them, myself and a few of my other men will sneak around and slip into the restaurant to arrest Xiaorun and rescue Chen Yuzhi” he declared.  Zhan Junbai hummed.         “It sounds like a plan” he agreed.  Jiang Yuelou nodded before he pressed the earpiece in his ear.         “Team C, slowly begin to approach the restaurant and make sure your shields are up” he ordered.         “Roger” the leader of Team C replied as he and a few other officers began making their way towards the restaurant, their shields up.  As they made their way towards the restaurant, Liang Xiaorun, who was nearly the window, poked his head out and when he saw them approaching, his eyes widened and he immediately began firing at them.         “Police, stay away or I’ll shoot!” he shouted.  However, the officers didn’t stop approaching, causing Liang Xiaorun to continue shooting at the shields in rage. ~*~*~*~*~*~ After he had emptied his magazine, Liang Xiaorun stepped away from the window and clutched at his abdomen as Chen Yuzhi, who was leaning up against a table leg, trying his best to stay awake and conscious, looked at him.         “It’s useless, no matter how many times you shoot” he croaked, making Liang Xiaorun look over at him and growl before he ejected the old magazine and placed in a new one, cocking the gun to put a new bullet into the chamber.  Chen Yuzhi stared at him for a moment before he took a deep breath and softly banged twice against the table leg, hissing softly as the banging jostled his injured shoulder. ~*~*~*~*~*~ Meanwhile, in the restaurant across the street, Jiang Yuelou stared at his walkie-talkie with wide eyes before he shot to his feet.         “Shit” he hissed, Zhan Junbai looking at him in confusion.         “What’s the matter?” he asked, making Jiang Yuelou look over at him.         “I placed a wire onto Chen Yuzhi and told him to hit it twice if his life was in danger.  He just hit the mic twice” he explained, just as a gunshot went off, making him and Zhan Junbai look up in horror.         “Fuck” he growled before he rushed out of the restaurant, Song Rong and a few other officers following after him.  They then ran across the street to the restaurant and stepped inside, Song Rong sliding open the entrance of the restaurant before he threw a smoke bomb inside, the bomb soon exploding.  As soon as smoke filled the room, Jiang Yuelou and the others ran inside, Jiang Yuelou running over to Chen Yuzhi as Song Rong and a few other officers ran over to Liang Xiaorun, arresting him.         “Chen Yuzhi.  Chen Yuzhi!” he exclaimed, Chen Yuzhi weakly lifting his head to look at him.         “Jiang Yuelou” he whispered.  Jiang Yuelou then looked him over, his eyes full of concern.         “Are you hurt?” he demanded.  Chen Yuzhi chuckled weakly.         “Besides the shoulder, I’m fine” he assured.  Jiang Yuelou frowned.         “But didn’t you ask for help?” he asked as he snipped the zip-ties binding Chen Yuzhi’s wrist.  Chen Yuzhi shook his head.         “Not for me.  For him” he explained, motioning with his chin to Liang Xiaorun, whom Song Rong had handcuffed while trying to avoid exasperating his wound.  Jiang Yuelou looked over at Liang Xiaorun and huffed, just as Zhan Junbai ran into the restaurant and over to them.         “Chen Yuzhi!” he exclaimed, kneeling down beside him and Jiang Yuelou.  Chen Yuzhi then lifted his head and looked at him before he smiled weakly.         “Junbai, can you tell Chu Min to bring the stretcher?” he requested.  Zhan Junbai nodded.         “Yeah” he replied before he pressed his headset.         “Chu Min, please bring the stretcher” he ordered.           “Roger” Chu Min replied as Zhan Junbai huffed.         “Everyone…Dr. Chen is safe” he declared.  In his ear, he heard sighs of relief, just as Chu Min stepped into the restaurant and walked over to Chen Yuzhi, Jiang Yuelou, and Zhan Junbai.         “Here, Dr. Zhan” he declared.  Zhan Junbai looked over at him and nodded before he looked at Chen Yuzhi.         “Alright, Yuzhi, let’s get you on the stretcher” he declared, reaching out to grab him when Chen Yuzhi shook his head.         “Not for me…for him” he murmured, motioning to Liang Xiaorun.  Zhan Junbai and Chu Min looked at him in shock.         “Dr. Chen—” Chu Min started when Chen Yuzhi nodded.         “Do it” he ordered.  Chu Min and Zhan Junbai made a face before they stood to their feet and walked over to where Liang Xiaorun was lying, Chu Min holding the stretcher while Zhan Junbai helped Song Rong transport Liang Xiaorun onto the stretcher.  Once he was on the stretcher, he began to struggle and move, only for Zhan Junbai to look at him.         “Don’t move.  Part of your intestine is damaged, but you’ll be fine” he promised, his voice hard and cold.  Liang Xiaorun looked up at him in shock before he looked over at Chen Yuzhi, who was leaning heavily against Jiang Yuelou.         “Why did you help me?  Me, Rongyao, and Yuyu…” he started before he looked Chen Yuzhi in the eyes.         “Kill me.  Kill me!” he ordered.  Chen Yuzhi shook his head.         “I don’t…kill.  I took an oath to do no harm” he replied.  Liang Xiaorun growled.         “Kill me!” he shouted, only for Jiang Yuelou to look at his subordinates, Zhan Junbai, and Chu Min.         “Get him out of here” he ordered.  The men nodded and began pushing him out of the restaurant as Jiang Yuelou looked down at Chen Yuzhi, smiling slightly.         “You did it, doc.  You saved the day” he declared.  Chen Yuzhi laughed weakly.         “Good” he whispered before his eyes fluttered and he slumped against him, causing his eyes to widen in horror.         “Chen Yuzhi.  Chen Yuzhi!” he exclaimed, gently patting the young doctor’s cheek before he growled and scooped him into his arms, pushing himself to his feet.  He then turned and rushed out of the restaurant, just as Zhan Junbai came running back over to him, his eyes wide.         “Yuzhi—” he started before he looked at Jiang Yuelou.         “Take him to one of the ambulances standing by.  There’s no time for us to treat him in the MER” he declared.  Jiang Yuelou nodded before he rushed towards the barricade and ambulances, handing Chen Yuzhi off to them before he walked back to the MER team, everyone looking at him in concern.         “Is Dr. Chen going to be okay?” Chu Ran asked.  Jiang Yuelou huffed.         “You’re the doctors, you tell me” he replied.  Yu Tangchun hummed.         “He lost a lot of blood…thankfully we got him in time because if he stayed in that restaurant any longer, I don’t know if he would have made it” he stated.  Jiang Yuelou made a face as Zhong Yiren sighed.         “Poor Keying…I hope she didn’t see the news” she murmured.  Jiang Yuelou frowned.         “Keying?” he repeated.  Zhan Junbai nodded.         “Chen Yuzhi’s daughter.  She’s in daycare” he explained.  Jiang Yuelou’s eyes widened before he looked down at his watch.         “Oh shit, that must be getting out soon…is someone going to pick her up?” he asked.  The MER team was silent before they all looked at him, causing him to look at them in shock.         “Me?!” he exclaimed.  Chu Min nodded.         “Dr. Chen seems to trust you, so you should be the one to pick up Keying” he stated.  Jiang Yuelou looked at them before he sighed.         “Do any of you know the name of the daycare?” he asked. ~*~*~*~*~*~ A little while later, Jiang Yuelou arrived at the daycare Keying attended and stepped inside, looking around before he walked over to one of the daycare workers.         “Excuse me, which one of these children is Chen Keying?” he inquired.  The daycare worker looked at him before she nodded and walked off, soon returning with Keying by her side.         “Here she is” she declared.  Jiang Yuelou nodded.         “Thank you” he thanked, the daycare worker nodding before she walked off as Jiang Yuelou knelt before Keying.         “Hi there.  Are you Chen Keying?” he asked.  Keying nodded slowly.         “Yes…who are you?” she replied.  Jiang Yuelou smiled.           “I’m Chief Jiang Yuelou…I’m…a friend of your dad’s” he explained.  Keying’s eyes widened.         “Daddy?  Is he okay?” she asked.  Jiang Yuelou hummed.         “Well…he’s currently in the hospital right now” he explained calmly, causing Keying to let out a cry.         “What?!  Why?!” she exclaimed.  Jiang Yuelou sighed.         “Well, when he was trying to save a little girl, a bad man shot him and hurt him.  But he’s okay, he’s in the hospital and I’m here to take you to him” he explained.  Keying looked at him, tears in her big brown eyes.         “You…promise me he’s okay?” she asked.  Jiang Yuelou smiled.         “I promise you” he replied.  Keying nodded.         “Okay” she agreed.  Jiang Yuelou smiled again before he held out his hand, Keying quickly taking it before they headed over to his squad car, both of them getting in before Jiang Yuelou drove to the hospital. ~*~*~*~*~*~ Once they arrived at the hospital, Jiang Yuelou and Keying headed inside, Jiang Yuelou walking over to the front desk.         “Excuse me, which room is Dr. Chen Yuzhi in?  He was brought in a little while ago?” he asked.  The nurse hummed and looked at her log before she looked back at him.         “Room 206” she replied.  Jiang Yuelou nodded.         “Thank you” he thanked before he and Keying headed to Chen Yuzhi’s room, Jiang Yuelou quietly sliding open the door.  They then stepped inside as Chen Yuzhi looked over at them and smiled.         “Jiang Yuelou.  Keying” he croaked, Keying looking back at him with wide eyes.         “Daddy!” she exclaimed, running over to his bedside.         “Daddy, are you okay?  Chief Jiang said you got hurt!” she wailed.  Chen Yuzhi smiled weakly before he reached out and gently pet her hair.         “I’m okay now, thanks to Chief Jiang” he soothed, looking up at Jiang Yuelou with a small smile.  Jiang Yuelou’s eyes widened before he slowly walked over to his bedside and cleared his throat.         “How you feeling, doc?” he asked.  Chen Yuzhi hummed.         “Better.  Less…lightheaded” he replied.  Jiang Yuelou huffed.         “Yeah, well, blood loss will do that to you” he mused, causing Keying to look up at him with wide eyes and Chen Yuzhi to glare at him.         “Jiang Yuelou” he hissed, Jiang Yuelou wincing slightly.         “Sorry” he apologized before he looked down at Keying, who was still looking up at him with wide eyes, and smiled softly.         “Your dad’s fine now, sweetheart.  He’s okay” he promised.  Keying continued to look at him before she looked back at Chen Yuzhi.         “Can I hug you?” she asked.  Chen Yuzhi smiled.         “I’d love a hug” he replied, Jiang Yuelou smiling as he scooped Keying up and placed her in Chen Yuzhi’s bed, watching as she carefully wrapped her arms around Chen Yuzhi’s neck.  The moment her arms went around his neck, Chen Yuzhi’s eyes began to fill with tears before he wrapped one arm around her and hugged her tightly, pressing a kiss to her hair.  They then stayed like that for a while, Jiang Yuelou watching them for a moment, before he looked at Chen Yuzhi.         “It was…a pleasure working with you, Dr. Chen” he stated, making Chen Yuzhi look up at him and smile.         “And it was a pleasure working with you, Chief Jiang” he replied before he laughed softly.         “Even though we had a bit of a rough start” he stated.  Jiang Yuelou winced.           “Sorry about that” he apologized.  Chen Yuzhi smiled and shook his head.         “It’s alright” he replied as Jiang Yuelou hummed.         “How can I make it up to you?” he asked.  Chen Yuzhi looked at him in surprise.         “What?” he replied.  Jiang Yuelou huffed.         “How can I make it up to you?” he repeated.  Chen Yuzhi stared at him for a moment before he smiled.         “Well…maybe after I completely heal…you could take me out for lunch?” he suggested.  Jiang Yuelou looked at him in shock before he laughed and nodded.         “Deal” he agreed.  Chen Yuzhi smiled before he yawned, causing Jiang Yuelou to smile softly.         “You should get some rest, doc” he suggested, reaching out to take Keying from Chen Yuzhi so that he could comfortably sleep when Chen Yuzhi shook his head.         “It’s alright…she can stay” he murmured.  Jiang Yuelou looked at him and nodded, watching as Chen Yuzhi made himself and Keying comfortable in his bed before he shut his eyes and drifted off to sleep.  Jiang Yuelou then waited until he was sure Chen Yuzhi was asleep before he covered him and Keying with the blanket, making sure to tuck them in before he walked over to the hospital chair that was across from Chen Yuzhi’s bed and sat down.  What a fucking day.  He needed a rest too.  He then let out a yawn before he shut his eyes and leaned his head back, sleep taking him almost immediately as a comfortable silence, that was only disturbed by the sound of soft snoring, filled the room.

[beautifulpersonpeach]

I haven’t listened much to BigBang or other kpop bands except SHINee and BTS which are my favorites but the last anon is giving a perfect example why I just can’t stand the general mentality in those kpop fandoms and especially Army. The constant shade towards other artists is utterly disrespectful, it makes us look bad and rightfully so. I highly doubt the members would appreciate their fans talking sh*t about artists they look up to. You’re perfectly allowed to not like BB or Taeyang or whoever else and criticize their content but saying it that way is really childish and ridiculous. I seriously don’t understand the fandom mentality, no wonder why I don’t call myself an Army or a Shawol. Some fans seriously need to grow up.

**

Hi Anon,

I was in the middle of drafting another response, but since you're referring to "the last anon", I thought I should respond to you first so there's continuity for other people reading.

You're ultimately free to feel however you like, but so is everyone else, even though on some level I understand why you find shady comparisons between groups distasteful. All you're really doing here is expressing your sensitivity to how other people express what they like and don't like about another group/artist, which is fine, but can also come across as tone policing.

"I highly doubt the members would appreciate their fans talking sh*t about artists they look up to."

I can understand this sentiment, but at the same time, BTS are not religious leaders whose beliefs determine the actions of their followers. Jimin looks up to Hoseok and Namjoon and it certainly doesn't stop people even within the fandom from disliking those members and being shady about it. Jimin wouldn't like it, but since when has that ever stopped anyone?

It would be wonderful if everyone was respectful and careful with their language all the time, but the reality is that most people aren't unless there's an incentive to be. And honestly, being shady is par for the course for most people on the internet. Generalizations are emblematic of how people speak online, you've essentially done a similar thing just now as have I, but unless there's a glaring factual error such as with that anon believing BTS surpassed BB by "any objective metric" in 2015, my approach is to just observe and let it pass, after all it's just an off the cuff opinion. Just as your ask is.

Personally, where I draw the line is when people claim they're offering some sort of reflective critique or creating a platform for constructive dialogue on a subject, but then it's just a fan being needlessly shady lmao. And oftentimes being ignorant of the facts available to them. That gets an eyebrow raise from me because posing an opinion that way just dumbs down any critical conversation, because then they're just elevating an opinion of likes and dislikes and oftentimes misinformation, to the level of critical discourse, which of course is nonsense.

Most people in fandoms aren't doing this though, and I saw the last anon's comment as similar to the way I've seen people discuss Beyonce vs Adele, or Taemin vs Kai vs Jimin. Again, it's perfectly fine if you can't stand it, and you're aware enough to remove yourself from associating with any of that, but people join fandoms because they are fans of the subject, and comparisons are expected especially in a space as competitive as k-pop. In the case of the last anon, given how highly BigBang is revered by k-pop stans, I can understand that anon's confusion on what I can only assume was their first exposure to Taeyang/BigBang.

*

"but the reality is that most people aren't unless there's an incentive to be."

I want to come back to this point because I think it is important, and because I think it's related to why you think some fans need to "grow up." A lot of people in the fandom aren't OT7 in the sense that they love all members equally, but they are in the sense that they're moderately respectful of all the members though they prefer some members to others. I think this is because on some level, they understand this mentality is crucial for maintaining a healthy ecosystem within the fandom as it hedges against more poisonous instincts from solo stans, akgaes, multis etc who typically care little for the maintaining the positive dynamics of the group. The OT7 mentality has the benefit of prolonging the group's longevity - that's the incentive, and it's easier to control for since more people in the fandom already share a common like for most things to that effect (ie liking BTS as an idea at the very least).

That control mechanism evaporates for competition between groups, as many groups are very distinctive (BTS being very distinct in many ways from how several groups in k-pop are), and so people feel they have less in common and therefore less incentive to be respectful about things they dislike. ARMYs aren't any different from any other fandom in this regard. But as I said to that anon, on a practical note, if BTS want to maintain their social license to operate in k-pop at their current scale of success, these sorts of collaborations are necessary, because it helps the group remain approachable to their peers, and creates more opportunities for things in common between fandoms, thereby creating incentive for respectful discourse.

I'm not saying all of this out of cynicism or to make excuses, but to point out what I think is obvious about how fandoms behave online. And to say why.

[aris-ink]

You just proved you're not an army but just a multis who use bts to defend their other favs and don't waste time badmouthing the fandom you're in. And you just show that you don't share the bond ARMYs have with the tannies. I wanted to defend you but after I saw the way you mocked our fandom no, you're a blink. The previous anons are right but you are too immature to understand it and you prefer people to agree with you.

Anyway I'm kind enough to tell you to put your account private for a while because on twitter you ended up in the report account pages to be reported for badmouthing about BTS/army

no, you're right, I thought we just went over that, I'm not an army, I don't even know where the boys are from, remember?😭

oh, thank you so much for the kindness. I am so scared of getting hate messages (for saying bts are humans who make mistakes), that is why I make posts about the tea blog, write yandere fics, and stand by my opinions. I am absolutely terrified.

honestly, I don't know how many times I have to say this: I don't care. you have no idea what I went through in life and what bullies I've dealt with since childhood. I've been homeless (just *two years ago), I lost my dog, my dad is dead, my mum is sick, my health is almost non existent, I've been harassed by the police, if you think I'm gonna cry over some little icons spouting nonsense in my inbox you are wrong. whatever you have to say, I heard worse from my own father lmao.

and this is why I answered this ask. just to make sure you all know. I don't care. I haven't said anything wrong. and that concludes our conversation, rest assured any more of these kinds of asks, from any of you, will be blocked.

you don't know me or anything about me, I'm a real fucking person, you know very well I'm grieving right now as well, and you come here and throw hands over one fucking sentence that you didn't agree with. please drink some calming tea, find some common sense and light in your life, and stick to that.

thank you. ♥️

[singsweetmelodies]

Why are you posting Carlando and even Piarlos content if you don't like Carlos? Math ain't mathing...

well, firstly, anon, this is tumblr dot com, not maths class. i've said repeatedly, and i will say it again, that i reserve the right to be as hypocritical and insane as i want here. after all, it's tumblr - if i can't be insane and hypocritical here, then where can i?

example: anyone who watches my blog at all during a race week will know that i am NO max fan. not in the slightest. and yet i will occasionally reblog maxiel fic recs. why? well, because they're quite often quite well-written. at the end of the day, i'm a fangirl and also a bisexual disaster, so if there's a well-written gay fanfic, the chances are relatively high that i will read and enjoy it. also: i think there's quite a significant difference between fic!max (who i occasionally enjoy) and driver!max (who i despise quite passionately.) fic!max has a lot of background and nuance that can make for fascinating characterisation, and as a writer, i just enjoy that.

now for carlos specifically: please let it be known that i do not hate him the way i hate max. not even close. i am, however, a dedicated chirlie (charles girlie) and anyone who gets in the way of charles doing well is automatically in my bad books. i do try to be at least a little reasonable about it, though, and yes i absolutely do realise that a lot of major fuck-ups this season were ferrari's, not carlos' (see: silverstone 2022.) but yeah, unfortunately the way carlos has handled a lot of interviews this year really rubbed me up the wrong way, and i read one too many comparisons of carlos girlies calling him more talented than charles as well. which.... babe, no.

like i said at the start, i am fully aware that i'm a hypocrite lmao. but i'm not HERE to be unbiased. we are watching a sport - everyone is biased towards their favourites, and i'm not going to apologise for that.

and as for carlando and piarlos - i treat them the same way as i would maxiel. carlos might not be on my favourites list as a driver, but he's an interesting character to explore in fic. i am at the end of the day a writer, and i like interesting characters to explore, so yes, i am quite happy to post carlando or piarlos or very very occasionally even charlos content (because akira is the best and might convert me one day. we'll see.)

anyway! the last thing i wanted to say to you, anon, is just a gentle reminder again of the PURPOSE of fandom. it is an escape from real life, somewhere where we can come to have fun. the same rules and restrictions and - dare i say it - morals that we use irl do not apply here. they just don't! fandom should be about what makes one happy, and nobody really has the right to police that, i don't think.

so tl;dr - anon, i am here to do whatever it is that makes me happy in that moment. if that's carlando and/or piarlos, then that's what i'll do. if you have a problem with that, then i'm happy to point you in the direction of the Unfollow button, lmao - curate your experience! see what you want to see. have fun!

x

[alottamoney]

https://www.tumblr.com/alottamoney/750302828141117440/httpswwwtumblrcomalottamoney7503005080902041

What i meant was, with Jimin and Daeun you have to go looking for all those clues matching things here and there plus the fact that the girl denied having a boyfriend and knowing Jimin kinda makes it a moot point whereas with Jungkook and Tae, millions of people saw them physically with girls whereas no one has ever seen Jimin with the lady physically for the evidence to be compelling enough. Not only do jokers not take the whole things with Daeun seriously (especially after she posted that picture which showed that her kitchen and Jimin’s were in opposite directions) the fandom doesn’t even take it seriously either. As a matter of fact many people don’t even know about the whole thing but everyone saw tae and Jennie in Paris and everyone saw Jk hugging mijoo and that apartment girl. Jk’s only saving grace is that he denied the rumors both times (or said he didn’t have a girlfriend) while it was crickets from Tae about taennie. So the reason i said jokers have a fighting chance is because there’s been denial from Daeun abt Jimin and denial from Jk abt the girls plus the evidence with Daeun (which might be compelling to u) just isn’t as compelling to most people because so many people are shipped just by matching clothes, pans and stuff. So Jokers can say Jk denied everything and call the evidence with Jm and Daeun sloppy because of the things i listed above but tkkrs don’t really have a leg to stand on since even national and international news houses covered taennie and many locals, people in the fandom and other fandoms actually believe it. That’s what i meant.

I know what you meant, but you are trying to rationalize shipper logic. I assume you are talking about shippers because to a larger crowd there are no shippers with a leg to stand on lmao. Taekookers don't take Taennie seriously at all; partly because of the saturation, partly because nothing happened since the Paris walk. In fact, Tae has a quality where het rumors just don't stick to him the same as with other members. Combine that with what you consider a saving grace for Jungkook, it gives Taekookers a similar leeway to defend their ship. Also, most of the people who send me Taennie asks aren't sending me sound theories, y'know, they just insist on it. Even before the Paris walk they were flooding inboxes with Gurumi pics which at that point was more goofy than compelling. They're just good at making a lot of noise. Look at that anti-shipper's CC; all the asks are about Taennie or Jungkook x literally any woman. Nothing about Jimin because Jikookers and PJMs police the shit out of it and minimize as much as possible, like you're doing right now. I don't think I've ever posted a Da Eun ask without someone immediately coming to Jimin's rescue lol. The ask wasn't even about how compelling or how legitimate the rumor is, so I'm not sure why we are having this discourse. Anon and my point simply is that Taekookers can make Da Eun an issue if they wanted to, they have nothing to lose.

[flyingcatstiel]

Sooooo, it finally happened to me as well. Tumblr just ate my answer to anon, but well, I had a draft. Here you go nonnie!

I think most current Cas/Destiel fans are Dean/Jensen fans. Period. They beat their chests about Dean apologising to Cas and instead we got Dean forgiving Cas and yet they screamed Destiel. Now the same bunch say Cas dying and Dean saying Cas I love you after he dies is also good enough for them. When Cas has fans like this, who needs enemies. No wonder the writers and show treat Cas so badly. I personally think Misha is not in final episode - he will be shown as a memory / flashback. That's it.

Oh, there’s a lot of unpack here. Spoilers ahead!

I’ll start with the most pressing issue right now. I’m very upset about the show playing “where is Misha” game in regards to the episodes 19 & 20. I’ve seen some positive takes on it like - Cas is so IMpoRtAnttttt, that’s why they are keeping his appearance a secret! Lol no. Like we haven’t heard that one before. And usually, if the show doesn’t mention Cas, it’s because he is not there like it was with the 200th episode or s11 mid season finale. (And fans hoped that Cas is being kept as a secret then) Other take - Cas has different clothes in finale! So what? Keep those clothes a secret, post more trench coat Cas. Some folks think it is done to generate chatter on soc media, which is already happening, true, but also, it’s not a good thing? And other folks think that Cas fans are hysterical, again, because lol duh, of course Cas will be in the last episode because destiel is happening because Cas is important character!

I personally think that all this secrecy around Cas/Misha in the 15x20 is manipulative and cruel. TPTB are intentionally yanking fandom and the longer it goes, the more I’m ready agree with you that we will have very little Cas/Misha in the series finale. Maybe it is already filmed. Maybe it can be filmed with green screen and only Misha on the set. I just can’t wrap my head around the idea that the hook SPN has for the final episode of 15 seasons is the mystery of Where Is Cas. Like, what logic is there? We just killed fan favorite, unofficial third lead in 15x18 but please keep watching the show! He’s very dead! We know you loved him! Have some Mark P in exchange!!!

I mean, the only reason I would be excited to watch 15x20 if Dabb personally assures fans that yes, Cas will be back. Otherwise, why bother? It’s not a secret that a lot of fans kept watching only because of Cas. To kill Cas again and to toy with his fate, again, is just so, so low. We just went through all this emotional rigmarole afters s12 finale. And before that, s10 finale. And before that was 7x01. Cas being killed for good is not new or original. Uncertainty about the number of Cas episodes in every season is not new. To rub this again into Cas fans faces is just plain cruel. What kind of surprise element is there left? Is this how SPN show runners want to be remembered? Sigh, SPN writers are really trying to snatch the title of the worst show runners from those Game of Thrones dudes.

Other stuff under the cut.

You know, I also used to think that most of destiel metas were written by Dean fans. And metas are the tool that frames fans’s opinions and feelings, so the overall feeling, at least for me, was that destiel metas and majority of fans don’t care much about Cas. After every pivotal destiel scene there were plenty of metas that explained why and how the scene is a step towards canon destiel etc. And quite often in the haste to prove it, Cas’s feelings and motivations were ignored while Dean’s explored and justified. Just remember how destiel metas treated “beer run” scene in s11 finale. How much effort was put into dismissing Cas’s hurt feelings, how Cas fans were told to shut up because we are getting destiel soon. It took months for meta writers to admit that the scene was harmful to Cas. I don’t even want to talk about this so called apology in s15x09 and how wrong it was on how many levels. After building up destiel conflict for 3+8 eps, after Dean lashing out at Cas with passive aggressive comments during that time, we got half baked apology for wrong issues via prayer! Not even face to face. (And Dabb admitted that their issues are not fully resolved, meta writers didn’t mention that at all) So yea, I feel you. But I have also been visiting Dean stan blogs, and well, they think that most of destiel metas are written by Cas stans who don’t care about Dean’s feelings at all. Curious, isn’t it? So, now I personally think that most pro destiel metas are written with one goal only - to prove that destiel subtext exists (duh), that it is intentional and it will lead to some kind of canon acknowledgement. They cherry pick stuff that helps to prove that writers are building up destiel and ignore scenes where the same writers insert No Homo or bros only stuff. Notice how Dean and Cas patching up their relationship in 15x09 is followed by a wacky episode where Dean and Sam are super wacky? It happens all the time, after a destiely scene we get a tribute to that other ship.

Next. There always have been fans who were OK with destiel going canon if Cas (or Dean) dies. This fandom in particular loves angst and character death. I’ve my theories about it, but it’s not surprising that these sentiments are getting more popular now. Folks care about the validation of their ship, if Cas dies, who cares because suffering is what matters. I personally think that now, halfway through s15 it’s too late to make destiel canon. There’s no time left to resolve the main conflict, the trust issues. And without emotional resolution of their last conflict, what’s the point? We don’t have another season coming. 

The beauty of canon ship is that they had positive, enriching time together, even if the big ILY happens at the very end, we witnessed them getting closer. And make no mistake, SPN writers did really good job at separating Dean and Cas ever since s8. Half of the time Cas was on the show, he was away from Dean. So, when the shippers are denied actual scenes between Dean and Cas, no wonder they don’t care if Cas lives or dies.

Now look at s15 and tell me if this is something to cherish - all the time they spend apart, all small jabs Dean threw at Cas, Dean blaming Cas for Mary’s death, sending Cas to Hell with Belphagor without a second thought and then chewing him out for making a decision not to die there. And of course the crown jewel of Bobo, Dean telling Cas “Then you are dead to me!”. That’s the stuff soulmates are made of, I’m telling you. /sarcasm/

[villa-kulla]

McWexler Musings

since there’s no Saul tonight, you’ll have to suffer through my CURRENT finale theory

But for real if we’re talking about BCS finale theories, more specifically what happens to KIM, at this point it’s clear that BCS has become, at its heart, a love story. And this is directly from GGG (the Gospel of Gilligan & Gould) not just my own McWexler obsessed heart. My Kim theories have varied WIDELY, with everything from death to prison to vacuum to scandal (and of course, the theory of Kim just being Claire’s employee next to Gene’s Cinnabon). And while I know that last one was a fandom joke, I could actually so see a return to humble Nebraska for Kim

They’ve made a point to remind us of Kim’s origins this season when we get the flashback to Kim shoplifting (especially the Nebraska license plate zoom). Whatever does happen to Kim - and I’ve 90% ruled out death these days although I’m knocking vigorously on wood - I could totally see an ultimate return to her roots. Whether they take a scandal route, disbarment route, vacuum vanisher route, or simply Kim just being unable to deal with the consequences of her choices and hightailing it, WHATEVER. But I see her ending up back in Nebraska, defeated by design, as some kind of bitter yet determined atonement. She lives out her predictions of what her life would have been like if she hadn’t left, and is working a dead-end job, maybe in a department store saying nothing about the kids who shoplift, possibly even working in a mail room somewhere for ~cruel irony~

breaking bad happens, yada yada yada

THEN. What if we jump to immediately post-BrBa??? This season opened not in black and white cinnamon world, but swirling colourful Saul world, with the police seizure of Saul’s effects. So what if IMMEDIATELY after that we get to see Jimmy actually being spirited off to Nebraska?? Nebraska where he KNOWS Kim is now??? And what if he shows up on her doorstep asking her to come away with him?? And it’s only been a couple years and she’s understandably still spooked from her own experiences like “I heard on the news. Just how deep into this did you get, Jimmy?”, and can’t get past Jimmy going from a friend of the cartel, to actually greasing the wheels for the cartel. Jimmy pleads, maybe she’s even tempted for a minute, almost goes with him, but then I don’t know, her gaze falls on a candle in her living room and she just CAN’T do it and throws Jimmy out, telling him to never contact her again. Jimmy and Kim resign themselves to hollow existences.

BUT THEN. TIME JUMP TO BLACK AND WHITE CINNAMON LAND. Jimmy has been MADE. Last season when he was recognized he was all “I’ll deal with this myself”. What if deling with it consists of him showing up one more time on Kim’s door as a final hail mary, like “You never have to see me again after this. OR you could come with me right now.” And she stands on her steps of whatever dingy aparment she’s living in, just ilke the one she grew up in. And they both look at each other freezing on the steps, more tired and lined than they once were, but something’s still there. And maybe it’s Kim’s need to self-sabotage and leave security behind, maybe it’s the love she still has for Jimmy, maybe it’s the innately Kim Wexler part of her that needs more. Whatever it is, she’s left Nebraska once, she can do it again. And without even packing a bag she steps into’s Jimmy’s car and they drive off. And now apply the Felina scipt notes for Jesse to them: “Grimly determined, fearing nothing, he speeds through the darkness. From here on, it’s up to us to say where he’s headed. I like to call it “something better,” and leave it at that.”

END SERIES.

so yeah, the downside is this theory has messy time jumping, and would be hard to streamline in 6 remaining episodes lmao. But on the plus side it has Jimmy and Kim driving off into the sunset and that’s kind of all I need in life so yeah.

ANYWAY.

Gilligan and Gould are beautiful twisted freaks and I will happily take whatever they give me, knowing it will be the best choice. But we know from BrBa that they believe in emotional closure, and if not happy endings, then bittersweet ones that don’t leave a bad taste in your mouth. Also they are....kinda huge saps AND McWexler shippers and honestly at this point I feel like they want McWexler end game as much as I do, so yeah, SPEAKING IT INTO EXISTENCE 👍 

[luciferloveschloe]

goodbye, lucifer (but not really!)

I cannot BELIEVE that I just watched the last episode of my favourite show.

I usually cram everything I have to in tags under gifsets I reblog, but for this final season I'll go through the pain of actually writing shit down. I'll try to keep it short, and I'll try not to ramble. (Edit: Did not accomplish that.)

what i loved

SCREAMS

God, soooooooo much!!

Deckerstar baby

Okay, so when Rory showed up in the trailer I was like "Ugh, another annoying angel? Meh." FORGIVE ME, my sweet murder child! Of all the things I thought they might do, a Deckerstar baby was DEAD LAST on my list. And a daughter no less, I just... When she says she's Lucifer's daughter, I was like *SCREAMS*, but when we learn she's Lucifer AND Chloe's daughter, I completely lost it. My boyfriend's on a trip with his friends this week and I'm sooo grateful for that, I made the weirdest, loudest, ugliest noises while watching this season, I ran around our apartment like a maniac, I squealed and laughed and cried and just generally lost my mind. But when she says that?? Oh my God. Also the way Lucifer reacted when Chloe shows him the pregnancy test? Straight outta fanfic.

Lucifer being a father

Oh my God?? I've always said he'd be the BEST father, and actually seeing it on screen... I love the parallel of him being ridiculously over the top with Rory at first, just like God and Lucifer in S5. The way he looks at her when he sees her playing the guitar? Their duet?? Instantly one of my favourite scenes. Them driving in the Corvette, their last day together, how he keeps her from killing Le Mec? Just murder me.

Established Deckerstar

All the hugs and kisses?? The declarations of love, the besotted looks, the absolute power couple we got? Their look from Maze and Eve's wedding, OH MY GOD???? Just, these two are so pretty and we got SO MUCH. Also, their scenes with Rory?? I just love them so much...

(More under the cut!)

Ella's storyline

I wanted a reveal for her so badly, and the way it turned out was brilliant! I loved her figuring it out for herself and calling everyone out lmao. I especially loved poor Carol returning to that room full of shocked people. They had some GREAT punchlines and gags this season, absolutely hilarious! I also love Lucifer's parting gift for her and that she finally found a good one with Carol.

Hugs, so many hugs!

That's it, that's the paragraph.

The Police storyline

As a white person who has literally never once had a problem with the police, I know this is not my place to say, but I think they did a good job? Not giving into the "a few bad apples" excuse but acknowledging that the whole system needs to change? I also really enjoyed the scenes with Amenadiel and Officer Harris, showing what policework could and should look like.

Maze and Eve's happily ever after

I'm so glad auntie Maze and auntie Eve got their happy ending! And that wedding was a bomb. Also, "You're my hell!", lmao.

Dan's ascend to heaven

First of, great to know his only torture was Belios' lack of table tennis skills. Secondly, how very fitting for the show that they didn't hand Dan his happy ending easily, that he fought and won it for himself. Him as a ghost and him as Le Mec was equally funny, and his talk with Trixie was just perfect, literally tears you guys.

Amenadiel becoming God

I mean, dude's perfect for the job! From the loyal, distant, obeying servant to a God who wants to work as a team with his siblings, who wants the Celestials to experience the human world, who hates injustice and loves fiercely? In this universe, I couldn't imagine anyone better suited to be God.

Nobody misses the case of the week

At least I don't! God, I wish they'd tried this out sooner.

The bittersweet ending

Let's preface this by saying I HATE bittersweet endings. Give me a happily ever after or else. And yet, and yet!! I think the ending they settled on is perfect. Would I have loved it if Lucifer had a life on earth with Chloe, Trixie and Rory? God, yes. Do I get emotional over him being alone in hell, again? Goddd, yes. But still. I so love that he found his calling in the end, that they reunited, and that he actually makes good on his promise from S5 to change the system. Also, I don't care if this is canon or fanon for now, but they totally spend time in heaven with Rory and visit earth whenever they like. And this would have been my ideal ending - them being free to go where they like, and I don't see why they shoudn't. It's definitely more satisfying than just traipsing off to heaven indefinitely, so I really, really loved that.

what i didn't (do feel free to skip this!)

Lucifer missing out on Chloe's life on earth and being alone in hell again. Chloe being left again.

Time travel shenanigans. I just finished Dark and that was enough of a mindfuck. Do not want to think about loops for this show, thank you very much.

Chloe felt a little too housewifey in the first episodes, but it thankfully didn't stay that way for long.

Lucifer and Chloe talking about keeping secrets for a whole episode, and then NOBODY TALKING ABOUT URIEL AND CANDY. I mean, ahhhhhhh! If you don't want to talk about it, then don't, but don't remind people of it constantly and then NOT discuss it. It drives me mad, honestly, how many times they referenced these storylines only to completely ignore them when there were opportunities to resolve them. Ahhh. That's what fic is for, I guess.

Adam. Like, why? Bye, dude.

what i'll keep with me

When someone I'd just met at my boyfriend's cousin's wedding in 2019 recommended this "funny, little show" to me that intrigued them because they were interested in finding their faith, I really didn't think I'd write all this three years later.

Lucifer is my third fandom, and it won't be my last, but it sure as hell - ha - will stay with me. I resonate so deeply with Lucifer as a character because he fights with the idea of God, fights with this concept of a benevolent father that everyone seems to believe in but never fit his experience. I come from a Christian family and studied theology, but somewhere along the lines I had to come to terms with the fact that the faith I had as a child and teenager didn't fit me anymore. I want to believe again, and maybe someday I will, but right now I don't know that. So Lucifer's journey with that meant a lot to me. I'd like to find what Ella did, I guess.

Although I never really thought Lucifer needed redemption, I loved the whole "anybody can be redeemed" message as well. And hell reform! Hell is such a weird, awful construct - speaking as the theology expert - bringing a bit of purgatory in in this universe is really fucking cool.

Also, I binged Lucifer when I was alone in hospital late at night. That experience alone I'll never forget.

So, I guess - thank you!! Thank you to the cast and crew, to the fans who campaigned for season four, to Ildy and Joe, to the writers and the directors and the people who brought lunch: Thank you so much for this incredible show. I'm not ready to say goodbye, not by a long shot, and I hope this fandom feels the same.

Yabba dabba do me, I love my stupid little show!!!

[eyeballs-in-my-head]

I need to share some of my favourite moments:

(translated into English)

(all in the POV of Toby btw since...for some reason he was the main character)

[ 1 ] "These scumbags have called the police on me – I thought, meaning my neighbours. But if I cannot get out, they cannot get in...HAH! They won't catch me alive!"

[ 2 ] ""Ticci Toby..." I whispered to myself. Surely that's my name. Okay, one question has been answered, but what about the others? I turned off the flashlight and layed on my back on the bed and just stared into the darkness. I couldn't really do anything with myself. Instead I made sure to check if I can still count. One, two, three... I counted all the way up to 100, then over. Looks like I can still count, I thought"

[ 3 ] ""Why are you blindfolding me?" I asked, baffled.

"You'll see" [Eyeless Jack] informed me dryly "Come!" he grabbed my arm and started pulling me somewhere.

"Are you gonna kill me?" My question wasn't answered "Feel free to tell me... Everyone has to die sometime. Do you hear me? By the way, where are we? In a cellar? It's very stinky here..."

None of my questions were answered"

Now mind you, I was 13 so I was in the fanon part of the fandom for a good while, and it SHOWS lmao. Couldn't be more OOC, but. It's funny at least pfpgpfpg

Like oh, the 1000 insanely stupid questions you asked from a complete stranger weren't immediately answered? No way... I think you should sue, Toby /s

Also WDYM he checked if he can still count???😭 Crying, omg why is 13 yo me so funny wtf...

I am 13 yo Onik's biggest fan fr. Shame they decided to abandone this story after 4 pages💔

Crying sobbing cringing at my older self (/nm), I found an old scrapped creepypasta fanfiction of mine I wrote in a notebook (before I discovered Wattpad)

I wrote it when I was like 13 lmao, and I hate the fact that I don't think I'd be able to write something in this quality at my adult ass age

Teach me, little 13 year old me...how are you so cool?! Teach me how to be as cringe as you!!! Aaaaaaa

[gerrydelano]

hello! i am temporarily back on my bullshit. let’s talk for a minute about the infantilization of abuse survivors in this fandom! there sure is a lot of it.

it can be hard for some folks to recognize some of the stereotypes that find their way into their work when it comes to this topic; it’s not easy to talk about, so we often don’t want to, but the fact of the matter is, you run just as much of a risk of disrespecting and hurting survivors of abuse as you do any other group of people who experience(d) something that you haven’t.

i’m mostly going to be focusing on gerry this time around because it was some posts i saw/asks i received about him that inspired this, and i think it’s something that doesn’t get brought up a lot in his case. this is by no means an exhaustive dissection! there are obviously other characters this gets done to, in and out of this fandom, but gerry’s treatment has been eating at me for a while and some recent conversation has finally given me a reason to bring it up. let’s hit it!

disclaimers and summaries, so everyone’s up to speed:

i’d already made a post earlier about this topic, in response to a post that a friend of mine replied to, which you can read here. this and a second post (also rightfully and respectfully deleted!) created somewhat of a stir even outside of my group of friends; algie also made a pretty good post about it here, too.

but GOOD NEWS! the original poster DID apologize for real, i trust it to be Completely genuine, and i do NOT want anyone going after them at all! it takes time to learn these things, and showing that you have taken the steps to listen and revise your thought process/the way you speak is a deeply respectable thing. i’m still linking the OP solely because it’s connected to a wider trend that i have been seeing since i joined this fandom, and it’s an accessible point of reference to explain that trend. i’m happy this was resolved!

i’m not even really reacting to that post. genuinely, i’m just happy i can put this feeling i’ve had for over a year now into words finally.

after the first thing, though, i got a nice ask about gerry’s hair (possibly to cheer me up from having been upset about a gerry thing earlier LMAO) and a follow-up that led to me writing enough that i figured i’d just consolidate it!

yes. this is going to talk about gerry’s hair. i know that probably sounds out of left field, or stupid, or too menial to really be a big deal, but honestly? the way this fandom loves to take one (1) circumstantial mention of something to unrealistic, often OOC extremes? it can become kind of weird, depending on how you do it. and after seeing that other post before, i finally understood WHY some things i see here rub me so wrong! believe it or not, it does tie back into the way people characterize him in response to his trauma, and that is what bugs me. when people do that. which i’ll get to in the second ask.

the hair is just the tip of the iceberg. don’t come at me for Making A Fuss About His Hair, it’s just one example. it’s not the only one i’m going to make!

now for the disclaimer: i’m not at all upset anymore, and this isn’t an angry vent rant as much as, like... finally putting to words why some depictions of gerry make me uncomfortable as a survivor of very similar abuse to his, and someone who has a lot of the traits being made fun of in that first post despite my “formal” western education. 

so, if you take anything i say here as aggressive, “policing headcanons,” Projecting Too Hard or being sensitive, then that’s a You Problem and something you need to deconstruct within your own self because all this is? is a survivor writing something for himself, on his own blog, that you are deliberately choosing to read, that expresses a feeling about something that personally impacts him. i’m not telling you what to do, or insulting you, or any of that. 

you take from this what you want to take from it! i’m just talking for me, and people who feel the same way as i do, so that they know i see them and understand why it can be frustrating to see your experience mocked, belittled, patronized, romanticized, or all of the above at once. and if you tone police me on this, i swear to g-d you have to be Purposefully misreading me because i’m honestly just passionately infodumping and that is it.

anyway! i’m just going to paste the first ask and its original response now (with a few tweaks), then the follow up ask, and expand accordingly at the end!

anon: everyone takes badly dyed black hair to mean roots grown out but i think (as someone who dyes eir hair very frequently) that gerry should have missed spots behind his ears and the spots at the base of his neck always fade a little weird ♡

i 100% agree thank you for saying this! okay, not to take it too seriously but i am pretty tired of people taking the single citing of “poorly dyed hair” (when he was. literally a few months way from dying of a fucking brain tumor????) to mean he looks terrible at all times on purpose<3 or that he just straight up lacks the general ability TO dye his hair at all on a normal day despite. doing it for years. dkfjhd like, come on, man! have mercy! 

sometimes it’s simply obvious someone dyes it because:

it catches the light funny

it has sort of a matte look 

some spots that are are harder to reach fade at a different pace than other places because you put less dye there

it could leave stains on the collar of your clothes, other fabrics

it’s faded by the ends or the back in particular

it’s just cheap quality dye and Looks artificial, even if it’s covering everywhere

it can be that simple. i have dyed my own hair so much and sometimes i see things that make me Wince because i’m like. he’s committed to his whole Look why wouldn’t he be trying harder to maintain it when he’s not Literally Dying. jdfhjd. the roots are literally the easy part.

i could see them growing out some if he had to go a little while on some trip with mary without fresh dye, but you know what’d make more sense? he packs dye when he travels, but he runs out and has to buy new dye from a store he’s never been to, so they’re two different fucking blacks. he could have to rush to apply it so he missed some spots more in the middle (common with thick hair!), anything. but the roots are the easy part and that’s typically what you retouch first when you’re maintaining your dye! it would be the rest of it that gets patchy or fades out. if he’s unable to retouch it for long enough that his roots get like that, the rest would be dull as hell.

usually i just look the other way because it’s not a big deal but you'll NEVER see me writing him as having 5 mile roots unless he’s in a bad enough funk that he can’t keep up with it. which would totally have happened! yeah! 

that’s actually a really great way to display when he’s starting to really succumb to exhaustion from mary’s haunting, or his cancer developing, all of that. it CAN be a very useful tool, and i’m not saying never do it! i’m just saying that assuming it’s the default is kind of weird, and if you’re making it all Cutesy when it’s pretty much canonly just a sign of the decline of his health and well being? that’s when i’m kind of. shifting in my seat a little.

honestly i feel like maintaining his Aesthetique™ was probably one of the most consistent ways he could reclaim and assert his own agency over his body and while he might not have been Serving Looks every day he was probably at least on the ball with his hair, like. if Nothing else. 

except the little spots behind his ears and the base of his neck because he IS only human :’-)

@wytchcore: (off anon now bc why not)

but yes!!! especially when your roots are lighter than the dye, i dont know anyone who lets their roots grow out that much, honestly. and somewhat re the 'his hair is the only thing he has agency over', i also hate it when people say his hair is damaged to hell and back because like... people who dye their hair regularly, especially if you have long hair, tend to know how to take care of it. and a little shameless projection but dry/damaged hair is a Bad Feel like, sensory speaking. so no.

okay, now this isn’t pasting/revising a previous answer. flat out new stuff here.

i’ve already gone on way too long about the specifics of gerry’s hair, which probably looks pretty unnecessarily pedantic and petty, so i’m not gonna beat the dead horse on that one anymore. it’s no longer about that!

the bolded bit in this ask is what i want to emphasize, because THAT is the line that made me connect this conversation back to the post from before. 

once again we cycle back to “infantilizing the abuse survivor” <3 because. yeah, it happens a lot with him and this particular thing seems to be no exception to that pattern? that i’ve noticed, anyway. like... give him some credit, man. 

he’s a genuinely resourceful, adaptive, self-sufficient guy with a lot of ground knowledge and everyday skills that had to have gotten him through when his mother was less than reliable. in what world would he have not picked up on how to take care of his hair, especially if it was something he clearly took pride in and was more than likely styling that way in attempts to keep some control over a choice he kept deliberately making?

it’s nowhere near the severity that it gets put on jon, but this also reminds me a little of. people projecting bad hygiene or outright cluelessness about the whole subject on the super traumatized characters? 

we all know executive dysfunction and depression is a thing and i’m not about to pretend i don’t think gerry would have a mountain of that to battle, but people don’t always seem to come at it from that lens with him anyway. it’s just. it does read sometimes as people just applying an unconscious stereotype where the traumatized/sheltered abuse victim Doesn’t Know How To Take Care Of Themself Or Navigate The World, which is. categorically untrue when it comes to gerry and also pretty hurtful to see in the patterns that i’ve seen it in multiple different fandoms.

and no one really goes into it thinking they’re going to do that on purpose! but it does still happen. stereotypes exist for all kinds of experiences and no, you’re not always going to notice especially if you don’t even consider a particular experience to be marginalized or at a disadvantage.

abuse and trauma overlaps with every marginalized identity, too. mentally ill and disabled people, LGBT people, and POC do have higher rates of abuse and trauma within their demographics. it is a part of the discussion of those things, so why is it that we don’t always think to be more careful when we speak about the subject broadly? if so many people are more likely to have experience with it? so many of the people you know here have this history, are going through it now, are struggling to get out. it’s not some mythical thing, it’s actually one of the most prevalent experiences across the board that exists in every sphere of human nature.

i think we all just have to be more careful, especially given how many survivors of trauma and abuse do flock to online spaces because it’s safer here than at home a lot of the time. it sucks to run into content that makes the incredibly painful, long-lasting results of your trauma into some gag to be laughed at, or some Cute Quirky Thing that no one fully examines the consequences of.

a small reminder that the initial post was completely resolved, and that OP displayed exactly how you’re supposed to respond to this kind of critique. i’m still going to talk about why it was hurtful, but i want it to be clear that it’s for educational purposes for those who don’t understand why OP took the post down, and not as an attack over something that’s finished.

even just the title — “Gerard Keay Can’t Do Math” — inspired kind of a wince reaction. i don’t think everybody understands just how much that can fuck up your life, well into adulthood? even if i didn’t have dyscalculia, i still might have bawled my way through math classes being taught by cruel teachers who didn’t care if you understood or not, and continuously went out of their way to make you feel stupid. 

to struggle with giving someone their change, tipping at a restaurant, doing your own bills and taxes, going to the bank at All, knowing what to withdraw and what to save, balancing a checkbook, delegate what services you can afford to cover and maintain your home and daily life — those things are crushing, my dude. it is agonizing to feel behind on those things, to have never been taught them, to be berated and belittled and laughed at for being Developmentally Behind your age group because you’re learning so late.

genuinely, i’d have thought a lot more people on here would understand that experience than not? it fucking sucks. what’s funny about it? feeling stupid, useless, like a failure, like you’ll never grow or be able to support yourself, like you’re a burden on anyone you ask to help you — what’s funny about that?

in gerry’s case, who the FUCK was he asking to help him? he would have had to learn those things first and foremost, so this doesn’t make Sense to put on him.

okay dumb comparison here, bear with me, but you know the “don’t stay in school” video? This Is VERY Gerrycore. this is probably how he’d be reacting if he DID go to school, and frankly? he’s probably pretty fine with the fact that he didn’t! because the Practical Knowledge he got instead is FAR more useful to him. he learned that stuff FIRST; the things directly applicable to his life.

who cares if he wouldn’t know calculus: when the fuck are YOU using it?

the weird significance that people place on the western education system is Bothersome because, like... we have been criticizing and trying to deconstruct that system for ages, it’s a pretty big political talking point, it’s like. not helpful to reinforce the inflated sense of superiority that it fuels itself on.

like angel said above, he literally spends his whole life being taught how to run a small business with his mother. a small, niche, business that would require him to know how to do math and be pretty well read in general! yes, about history and language and the world (to balance science and the eldritch, to explain certain phenomena and then cross-reference it with the powers, ad nauseum.) about all sorts of things i’m willing to bet none of us understand. 

because we didn’t have to.

treating gerry like he’s Stupid is a pretty bad look! do you have any idea how smart you have to be to navigate the world with, yes, such an inconsistent education from a notably unskilled teacher like mary? OP was right about that much, and i understand what they were getting at; his knowledge WOULD be pretty sporadic and mostly self-taught! 

but again, this is far from the only time i’ve seen this kind of joke get made; it’s not actually even the worst one, just the most recent i’ve seen. i sure as hell didn’t go out of my way to collect them over the past year because seeing them was upsetting, but there have been enough that actually go out of their way to make him being Clueless about the Ordinary World be some, like. cute thing or some running joke.

EDIT 11:00 PM - and this isn’t even to mention the stereotypes about Weird Homeschooled Kids being socially inept and just not knowing how the world works in general. like. we know he was Forcibly Isolated (which isn’t something to joke about anyway), but that stereotype DOES hurt actual human beings who were homeschooled for any number of reasons, be it disability/injury/illness, finances, global location, or literally just because the parents don’t want their kids to get fucking hurt the way that kids always do in school. sometimes, a parent CAN give better education than a fucked up system that targets SO many children for reasons out of their control, and to act like they are DOOMED to be Stunted is just plain insulting? we aren’t better than anyone because we went to public school, gang. we just have PTSD.

stop regurgitating propaganda about the western education system! it does no one any favors, and it honestly gets bootlicky after a while.

so now for the other thing people do that kind of infantilizes or softens him in ways that contradict why he’s so compelling in the first place.

the reason he couldn’t integrate himself into the ordinary world wasn’t because HE felt ignorant; he felt that everyone else was too ignorant. remember that?

i know we don’t like to admit that our favorite boy has an arrogant streak, but being raised by mary? he’d have absorbed plenty of her thought patterns regardless of how much he resisted her goals just by dint of such long and consistent exposure to her. we think of him as The Good Guy so we don’t want to think he ever had a bad thought in his life, ever did a bad thing for the wrong reasons, but the fact of the matter is, he would have. what makes a good person is having those impulses and choosing to work against them, which he DOES eventually do when he’s able to.

but he had to make himself think like her to survive her for a long time! as a teenager, he was canonly out there doing her bidding! he was out there not caring about the safety and lives of other people in order to get what he was told to get; for all we know, he killed that one guy in the tunnel to get the stupid bone book! we don’t know. but it sure is possible!

he DID have a time where he just went and adhered to the way she taught him to live. no, that’s not fully analogous to the Rebellious Good Samaritan Action Hero everyone kind of likes to act like he was because he advised andrea nunis on escaping the lonely and he handled diego molina himself before lesere saraki could touch him, and that’s the thing.

andrea nunis was probably one of the first things he made the choice to do By Himself, because he was Actively running from mary that time (immediately after being acquitted), and the diego thing? sure, he could have been fucking around with the desolation on orders (given how he said he did do what she asked, and she was “around” to pick him up from the hospital), but that was even later in her haunting and he says he “covered leads” as revenge against her when she faded for a few days at a time, to keep books AWAY from her. killing a guy just to do that is SUPER interesting characterization (as a kindly anon pointed out!)

ren’s going to talk about that some in a future meta of theirs, so i won’t get too far into it now since it diverges from my initial point. but, y’know, i just. i think people water down his character a lot in ways that aren’t supported by canon. usually in ways that minimize his intelligence, confidence, and ability to look after himself despite us knowing that he was largely self-reliant all his life. his moral compass is skewed due north when it’s honestly Not Even That.

he is self-assured in his intelligence, and seems to think the shit he gets sucked into is the fault of other people’s lack of knowledge. he probably gets annoyed when people don’t magically know what he knows (see: him literally talking about the entities in front of civilians, etc.) 

take this comparison, too: i know a lot of us here don’t feel like we can connect with cishets, with abled/neurotypical people, even just people who don’t share a neurotype with us, Rich People™ — it’s literally the same feeling. i know i struggle to be close with people who aren’t similarly traumatized! and it’s not because i want more people to have been hurt like that, but i find it easier to communicate with people who were because we don’t have to watch what we say or justify why we behave in a strange way to each other. we can skip all that and just go about our day.

gerry has no interest in censoring himself. it’s frustrating to interact with people you have to explain yourself to. he wasn’t spending all of his time pressing his hand to the glass and yearning for normalcy. he was busy, he was getting by, and he was — in a twisted, unsavory way to us, the listener — comfortable.

there were things he was obviously angry about, things that irreparably hurt and changed him, things that fueled his incredibly spiteful nature, but honestly? even then, it’s not what you think about 24/7. sometimes you are just living your life. sometimes you’re just running errands, keeping shop, talking to your mother at the dinner table, seeking and accepting her praise for the things you genuinely love to do, and just touching up your hair dye in the bathroom because it’s something that comforts you in the day to day.

and you get good at all of those things.

i’ve officially hit Ramble Town so i’m going to stop finally, but! i hope at least some of this was clear. it just sucks to see someone who clearly was presented with useful information, who knows how to use it, who CAN rely on himself, being reduced to a sheltered, nervous nitwit that doesn’t know how to upkeep his own hair — which, again, is a choice he continuously makes for Over A Decade.

and, you know, other things. but that’s all been said already by smarter people than me, and will be said later by the same! ren’s going to touch on what gets done to martin, too, more often than probably anyone in this podcast, so keep an eye out for that bad boy coming soon.