#living... is so damn hard
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#living... is so damn hard#hello depression my old friend#i think i got hit by a perfect storm of period depression seasonal depression and regular depression#and i may be a little burn out from work#i just don’t know how to crawl out of this hole when it feels like it reaches the center of the earth#my life sucks and I hate myself and i'm soooo tired#personal
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How much longer 'til your luck runs out?
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#jiang cheng#wei wuxian#Aaargh...I have so many thoughts about this scene.#This is a hard goodbye. I'm not your burden to bear. Not anymore.#This is the culmination of years of miscommunication. There was so much love there. They trusted each other with everything once.#I think it is easy to hear the anger in JC's voice and consider him the aggressor in this but listen to the words not the tone.#It is anger yes - but it is an anger born out of love.#Jiang Cheng wanted him to live - damn the rest of the world to hell if that's what it took. And Wei Wuxian chose strangers over him.#Sometimes two people who once flourished together become each other's worst wounds.#A goodbye to someone you once would have done anything for is a wound you don't easily recover from.#Jiang Cheng could have stood at Wei Wuxian's side and joined him. Consider though; as a sect leader his life is not his own anymore.#JC cannot just abandon the fledgling New Yunmeng Jiang without also dooming people.#And that is the lynch pin of it all. Both of them are trapped by duty. And the older they got the more tangled the web became.#The song I linked (Hi Epic fans) is such a good JC and WWX song that doesn't fit this scene exactly#But it does fit *them*. The words of warning that go dismissed. The Tactical Genius who continues to press on.#The seeds of doubt that grow louder until they creep towards mutiny. Ultimatly this *is* a mutiny! It *is* betrayal!#'You rely on wit and people die by it'. Is that not Wei Wuxian?#Just smashing my brainworms together over here. Don't mind me.
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the degree to which magic in bbc merlin is an allegory for queerness is insane. what do you mean people with magic hide in fear for their lives because it’s illegal. what do you mean merlin’s mother sent him away to the big city bc she was afraid of what would happen if their small town found out he had magic. what do you mean merlin is taken in by an unmarried old man who used to practice magic but can’t anymore. what do you mean morgana was morally on uther’s side until she realized who she was and that he was wrong for wanting people like her dead. what do you mean anti-magical propaganda spreads misinformation that all magic is evil and everyone who practices it is also evil and should be killed. what do you mean there’s a recurring underlying theme of magical being solidarity
#what do you mean everyone merlin tells about his magic is a hot man and/or a twink#what do you mean merlin flirts with every (male) sorcerer he comes across#what do you mean morgause shows up acting like a whole lesbian#what do you mean the druids are forced to live outside society and are seen as lesser than and to be avoided at all costs#what do you mean magical beings are hoping for a better life once arthur becomes king bc he doesn’t share the#same anti-magic values as his father#i’m only on season 3 so i’m probably missing a bunch but even atp im flabbergasted#but damn this is hitting hard#i’m sure this has all been beaten to death but i’m new here sorry#bbc merlin#merlin#merlin emrys#uther pendragon#morgana pendragon#gaius merlin#em saying things
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desire to draw raz's hair unhatted and uncombed spiraled into imagining an extended gag about some emergency situation forcing all of the psychonauts out of the motherlobe into the quarry in their jammies at like 2 am and judging each other's clothing choices instead of getting actual work done.
#psychonauts#razputin aquato#lili zanotto#sam boole#sasha nein#milla vodello#hollis forsythe#truman zanotto#otto mentallis#gisu nariman#lizzie natividad#EVERYONE IS HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#yeah only the first five of those characters are getting tagged so i dont know why i bothered.#fanart#my art#i was gonnna draw morry in a bunny kigurumi but it was too hard.#i dont think you guys understand how dead my artistic muse was before the P2 art book arrived in the mail.#it was Pretty God Damn Dead. Really Really REALLY Dead. this is partly why psychonauts is the ONLY thing i can draw.#also i KNOW they dont all literally live at HQ just pretend it was like a LOCK IN or something okay
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I got an apartment. I GOT AN APARTMENT!!!!!
#it has a gas stove and is newly renovated and its so lovely and i get to move in next week#holy fucking ass im sobbing so hard#I MADE IT!!!! I MADE IT ACROSS THE RAGING SEA!!! I AM ALIVE!!! I AM ALIVE!!! I AM ALIVE AND I WILL LIVE GOD DAMN IT!!!!!
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happy birthday, saix
#happy 7/7 day yeehaw#saix#isa#xion#kh#kingdom hearts#captainbobbin#this is absolutely 100% NOT ship art to me Isa is Xions dad pls dont be weird#this is kh3 era exhausted saix trying so damn hard to keeo everything together#xion is all hes got anymore and he will kill himself trying to make her live again. he must#he has to write his wrongs and make sure this child gets the life he never had. he ruined everything. he needs to make amends.#xion is his charge. his responsibility. his pup. the kid he didnt know he wanted.#he would and will die for her. but to be alive now in this haunting cursed half-life is so exhausting#i would add more but. my general vibe is sad dad isa please check out my fics for more
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sorry for the titans posting im back to normal now
#im thinking about roy and wally and garth raising their kids + dick and donna as the beloved aunt and uncle and how#everyone is trying very very hard not to repeat the mistakes of THEIR parents and how young THEY were#when the titans were founded and how kids keep growing up and saving lives using the titans moniker and damn.#they’re not kids anymore#roy looks at lian— utterly secure in how loved she is — and cries so much he throws up
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A First x Khao Gifset | The Friendship Water Works: A Series
I will never forget seeing that clip of First and Khao workshopping for The Eclipse. Just that alone had me so completely transfixed by their chemistry. And it just makes a tonne more sense once you see their interviews. There was so much of them in there.
First always looks completely overwhelmed when he's touched. The boy is so openly vulnerable, he sits on the verge of full on bawling or weeping. Whereas Khao is sweetly fond, and tries to smile reassuringly at First through his own urge to cry. The love they have for each other is honestly extraordinary.
#firstkhao#khaofirst#first x khaotung#khaotung x first#first kanaphan#khaotung thanawat#the power of soulmates#men feeling their feels should be encouraged#UGH THE FEELS#they both feel things so hard and you feel it all with them#first getting so choked up he has to look away#DAMN 😢#they look at each other like they were separated in their past lives and they can't bear to be apart ever again - IM NOT OKAY
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the new smajor fantasy skin is so CUTE
#smajor#mcyt#fanart#wandering mask art#if i had a nickel for every time scott smajor was in an SMP event with an unkillable snail etc etc#what a delightful stream#genuinely some of the best stallcasting i've ever seen#these people are criminally fun to watch just bounce off each other#i laughed so damn hard#also shoutout to the admins of that boss fight fr#it must have been so stressful#but by god they got it working in time#i don't envy anybody who tries to coordinate a live show#in modded minecraft no less#a famously stable game#. anyway
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You meet your other sister-in-law very briefly.
She arrives unannounced in full Odonii garb and a long cloak for the cold, soaked through with rain. She's taller than most men, and carries herself like one too. Her hair spills out of her veil, not only unbraided but a horrendous mess. It's kind of fascinating. You catch a glimpse of a handgun slung across her back, hidden beneath her cloak. This is especially exciting; you’ve never seen one up close. You try to peek around her to get a better look at it, and flush in embarrassment when she catches you, shooting you a cold glare.
It doesn't seem like she speaks much without being spoken to, and you aren’t really the type to initiate conversations either. Livya fills in for the both of you, prompting your sister-in-law to introduce herself. Her name is Couya. You give her a respectful bow and curtsy, she gives a very slight bow back without looking you in the eye. She compliments your necklace. Or at least, she mumbles something while looking in the general direction of your necklace, and it might have been a compliment. You aren’t sure whether there’s something wrong with her or she’s just rude.
She's just her for filial duties at the family shrine, and she doesn't stay long. Livya stops her on her way out. She says she's disappointed that the one time in a year she can be bothered to come by, she shows up looking like a disheveled street-whore in priest's clothing. Look at Hibrides, she didn't even know we were having company and still did up her hair so nicely, and all by herself too. Thank God your father isn't here to see this, he's suffered enough embarrassment as it is-.
Couya stands in the doorway in silence through this whole speech. You thoroughly inspect a loose tile in the floor and try your best to pretend you aren't there. Livya doesn't take her hand off your shoulder the whole time.
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[I've been writing an overview of Hibrides' first several years of marriage for the hell of it. It's just a summary but it's written with like, the slightest bit of prose, so figured I'd dump a section here]
#Not sure why I started writing this in 2nd person but it's stuck like that now#Livya was the most depressed housewife that has ever lived and deeply unwell. Neither of her daughters went through the#normal experiences she had to of marriage and moving away from home and having children and etc so when Janeys abandons Hibrides#in her home for about 3 years she kinda gloms onto her and treats her like another daughter. She projects on Hibrides HARD#because she reminds her of what she was like as a 15 year old bride. Sees Hibrides as having gotten fucked over with a terrible#husband (which isn't Wrong but its straight up significantly better than how her other options probably would've turned out)#and wants to toughen her up for what she sees as an inevitably dismal life ahead.#This isn't great for the newlywed child who just got moved away from everything she ever knew and abandoned with her#complete stranger of a mother in law.#And also finds herself in the 'golden child used to shame the other children' position frequently which is what's going on here#I might post the whole summary but this is like. The most grimdark part of Hibrides' entire life like its pretty damn rough.#Kind of by nature because it's about being a 15 y/o child bride (not considered a child in this society but like you know).#Also kinda of gives the wrong idea for what she's like later as an actual adult with substantially more agency in her situation.#hibrides uryashta#couya haidamane#livya haidamane
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it's rare for a mascot horror game to sell itself to me in the first chapter alone.
that said, based on only the first chapter of Indigo Park, I'm Sold™
#indigo park#they've got the comedy. they've got the bloodshed. they've got the fun characters. so far the only horror is a chase scene but I'll live#having 3 of those 4 elements perfected is hard for any game but it gets pretty damn close already#can't wait for it to be finished
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Live Jaws with a changed outro in NYC 2019
I have not seen this, which is why I'm posting it. Needless to say that I am sobbing now.
#sleep token#sleep token live#sleep token old#how the h*ll are you supposed to see love when all you ever know is the opposite.....working on letting love in at the moment#so this hits so damn hard#tw flashing#tw flashing lights
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i almost never mention it but it's crucial to me that grace & twitch are both aroace & whatever the hell they have going on together isn't romantic & never will be
twitch doesn't really have any feelings about being aroace-they just Are! they've never felt the need to be anything else. grace is a lot more conflicted, from being raised in an environment that expected his future to involve marriage & children. he didn't want it, and he felt like there had to be something wrong with him because of it. the future was Terrifying as someone who couldn't follow that path
both of their feelings about it are so important to me and it's even More important to me that they both find happiness & a future in eachother & whatever their relationship is, outside of what they're "supposed" to do & feel (even if it is a goddamn trainwreck at the best of times)
#literally nothing sparked this#i just think about it a lot.....i'm aroace & i like exploring aroace characters a lot#including the parts of it that suck!! mostly bc of living in a world that sees romance as the Expectation#grace gets to be my vessel for that#twitchgets to be the wish fulfilment of “damn what if you could just be aroace and not care#or question why & feel bad about it. that would go so hard“#londonmusings#gritchposting#twitchery#grace
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Ok I just thought these dialogues from the P5X x P5R collab were very interesting to me. I know P5X isn't considered canon but this felt like a neat insight into Maruki's inner mentality and dwindling sanity despite not being present.
Even "I just want to dream forever" during this exchange can raise sad implications knowing the ending of his arc.
Man knows what's up but just keeps on running anyways before he even appears properly. Just god... Really highlights how messed up his mental state has already gotten.
#starchild rambles#ramblings#persona 5#p5#persona 5 royal#p5r#p5r spoilers#sumire yoshizawa#kasumi yoshizawa#takuto maruki#dr maruki#p5r maruki#persona 5 the phantom x#p5x#this collab is super promising! please details like this!#also gonna incorporate this into future writings b/c god damn it's fascinating!#poor Maruki tho... man's isolation and grief is just... gah!#the implications of that line (the fact he possibly feels like he shouldn't even live anymore)#bro was projecting so hard too#can I hug both him and Sumi please???
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Hi @naffeclipse I'm very normal about your fic. Have some frantic midnight sketches as extra kudos along with some tag rambling :)
#my ârt#crush depth#crush depth spoilers#fnaf#tw blood#tw drowning#idk how many others apply#anyways this is midnight crow coming out of the shadow realm to scream at you#first of all a cs ramble is on the way I'm still recovering from that fic too#im biting you naff im biting you so dang hard#I don't even know much about iron lung besides watching a play through but damn do you make me want to know more#just. where do I even start. the atmosphere is established so well and even though there was such a small space to work with I FELT it#I felt the claustrophobia I felt the walls and the console and the single dim lightbulb as my only solace in this death trap#the THOUGHTS#poor yn had so much time to just get lost in their head and spiral pretty much constantly#the dread. the constant overhanging dread of knowing there's a 99% chance they're not getting out of there alive and at this point#they just want to accept it and let it end bc there's hardly anything to go back to if they live#naff. look at me. reading some parts made my chest actually tighten with dread. it was so well done.#this poor human just buried in existential horror and just wanting it to end in a slightly less painful way#and the unknowable beings trapped outside who absolutely REFUSE to let that happen#god those eldritch fish were trying their hardest but just couldn't get in#yn was trapped inside while they were trapped outside and I just#I am EXPLODING the more I think about it#thinking about when they thought they were drowning and tried to breathe again#wanting to die but still having that instinct to survive#asking to be ripped apart but still cherishing their last breath of air#I'm shaking you I'm shaking you I'm dying on the floor#ough.#I'll never mentally recover from this and I want you to know I genuinely get inspired by your writing#this has been midnight crow ramblings. I just hit the tag limit. have a lovely night.
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Thinking of vlr Akane is so conflicting cuz on one hand I’m so upset that she doesn’t ever get a moment to just rest and enjoy being alive again I’m upset that she just gets deeper and deeper into this role she’s built for herself and she loses her humanity and will never ever be that girl who died in the incinerator. But on the other hand, I need her to get so, so much worse I need her to be so obsessed with perfection she has this unique ability to change the course of history and she will burn everything and everyone to the ground in the blink of an eye if it means she can "reset" and get a perfect timeline and I desperately need her to never be satisfied with anything because really, is there anything that’s worth all the damage she’s caused?
#zero escape#akane kurashiki#virtues last reward#yeahhhhh just having so many thoughts about akane and sigma and junpei and yeah im screaming eyes bloodshot#i want akane to just like post 999 just do silly shit with aoi get a cat be a gamer try to heal the best she can#and i want her to be so evil i think theres still some crimes she hasnt committed yet she should do those#i really really really want her and junpei to just beat the shit out of each other in a boxing ring. specifically post vlr#need them being old as shit throwing chairs everyone is cheering#and damn like vlr akane just cant agree with junpei on his philosophy that a life with pain is still a life worth living cuz then thatd mean#everything she did in 999 was all for naught like to accept even the bad timelines where she died as valuable...#thats a kick to the dick especially when she fought so hard to live and how her death was so unfair#except she was just a scared kid with no choice then. now whats her excuse#i just want it to be possible you know? possible that akane didnt need to do this and she couldve been happy#cuz yeah the trauma would be horrible but surely itd be better than the trauma she has now since she took that dive#i wonder if she knows that no matter what she does she’ll never erase her trauma and eventually she will have to face it#or if she actually believes she can figure it all out and win the perfect timeline and magical mental stability will happen#basically akane is avoiding therapy soooooo hard but then again who would even be her therapist#no one can possibly understand her...right?
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