#living... is so damn hard
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#living... is so damn hard#hello depression my old friend#i think i got hit by a perfect storm of period depression seasonal depression and regular depression#and i may be a little burn out from work#i just don’t know how to crawl out of this hole when it feels like it reaches the center of the earth#my life sucks and I hate myself and i'm soooo tired#personal
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How much longer 'til your luck runs out?
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#jiang cheng#wei wuxian#Aaargh...I have so many thoughts about this scene.#This is a hard goodbye. I'm not your burden to bear. Not anymore.#This is the culmination of years of miscommunication. There was so much love there. They trusted each other with everything once.#I think it is easy to hear the anger in JC's voice and consider him the aggressor in this but listen to the words not the tone.#It is anger yes - but it is an anger born out of love.#Jiang Cheng wanted him to live - damn the rest of the world to hell if that's what it took. And Wei Wuxian chose strangers over him.#Sometimes two people who once flourished together become each other's worst wounds.#A goodbye to someone you once would have done anything for is a wound you don't easily recover from.#Jiang Cheng could have stood at Wei Wuxian's side and joined him. Consider though; as a sect leader his life is not his own anymore.#JC cannot just abandon the fledgling New Yunmeng Jiang without also dooming people.#And that is the lynch pin of it all. Both of them are trapped by duty. And the older they got the more tangled the web became.#The song I linked (Hi Epic fans) is such a good JC and WWX song that doesn't fit this scene exactly#But it does fit *them*. The words of warning that go dismissed. The Tactical Genius who continues to press on.#The seeds of doubt that grow louder until they creep towards mutiny. Ultimatly this *is* a mutiny! It *is* betrayal!#'You rely on wit and people die by it'. Is that not Wei Wuxian?#Just smashing my brainworms together over here. Don't mind me.
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the degree to which magic in bbc merlin is an allegory for queerness is insane. what do you mean people with magic hide in fear for their lives because it’s illegal. what do you mean merlin’s mother sent him away to the big city bc she was afraid of what would happen if their small town found out he had magic. what do you mean merlin is taken in by an unmarried old man who used to practice magic but can’t anymore. what do you mean morgana was morally on uther’s side until she realized who she was and that he was wrong for wanting people like her dead. what do you mean anti-magical propaganda spreads misinformation that all magic is evil and everyone who practices it is also evil and should be killed. what do you mean there’s a recurring underlying theme of magical being solidarity
#what do you mean everyone merlin tells about his magic is a hot man and/or a twink#what do you mean merlin flirts with every (male) sorcerer he comes across#what do you mean morgause shows up acting like a whole lesbian#what do you mean the druids are forced to live outside society and are seen as lesser than and to be avoided at all costs#what do you mean magical beings are hoping for a better life once arthur becomes king bc he doesn’t share the#same anti-magic values as his father#i’m only on season 3 so i’m probably missing a bunch but even atp im flabbergasted#but damn this is hitting hard#i’m sure this has all been beaten to death but i’m new here sorry#bbc merlin#merlin#merlin emrys#uther pendragon#morgana pendragon#gaius merlin#em saying things
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desire to draw raz's hair unhatted and uncombed spiraled into imagining an extended gag about some emergency situation forcing all of the psychonauts out of the motherlobe into the quarry in their jammies at like 2 am and judging each other's clothing choices instead of getting actual work done.
#psychonauts#razputin aquato#lili zanotto#sam boole#sasha nein#milla vodello#hollis forsythe#truman zanotto#otto mentallis#gisu nariman#lizzie natividad#EVERYONE IS HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#yeah only the first five of those characters are getting tagged so i dont know why i bothered.#fanart#my art#i was gonnna draw morry in a bunny kigurumi but it was too hard.#i dont think you guys understand how dead my artistic muse was before the P2 art book arrived in the mail.#it was Pretty God Damn Dead. Really Really REALLY Dead. this is partly why psychonauts is the ONLY thing i can draw.#also i KNOW they dont all literally live at HQ just pretend it was like a LOCK IN or something okay
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I got an apartment. I GOT AN APARTMENT!!!!!
#it has a gas stove and is newly renovated and its so lovely and i get to move in next week#holy fucking ass im sobbing so hard#I MADE IT!!!! I MADE IT ACROSS THE RAGING SEA!!! I AM ALIVE!!! I AM ALIVE!!! I AM ALIVE AND I WILL LIVE GOD DAMN IT!!!!!
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happy birthday, saix
#happy 7/7 day yeehaw#saix#isa#xion#kh#kingdom hearts#captainbobbin#this is absolutely 100% NOT ship art to me Isa is Xions dad pls dont be weird#this is kh3 era exhausted saix trying so damn hard to keeo everything together#xion is all hes got anymore and he will kill himself trying to make her live again. he must#he has to write his wrongs and make sure this child gets the life he never had. he ruined everything. he needs to make amends.#xion is his charge. his responsibility. his pup. the kid he didnt know he wanted.#he would and will die for her. but to be alive now in this haunting cursed half-life is so exhausting#i would add more but. my general vibe is sad dad isa please check out my fics for more
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A First x Khao Gifset | The Friendship Water Works: A Series
I will never forget seeing that clip of First and Khao workshopping for The Eclipse. Just that alone had me so completely transfixed by their chemistry. And it just makes a tonne more sense once you see their interviews. There was so much of them in there.
First always looks completely overwhelmed when he's touched. The boy is so openly vulnerable, he sits on the verge of full on bawling or weeping. Whereas Khao is sweetly fond, and tries to smile reassuringly at First through his own urge to cry. The love they have for each other is honestly extraordinary.
#firstkhao#khaofirst#first x khaotung#khaotung x first#first kanaphan#khaotung thanawat#the power of soulmates#men feeling their feels should be encouraged#UGH THE FEELS#they both feel things so hard and you feel it all with them#first getting so choked up he has to look away#DAMN 😢#they look at each other like they were separated in their past lives and they can't bear to be apart ever again - IM NOT OKAY
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it's rare for a mascot horror game to sell itself to me in the first chapter alone.
that said, based on only the first chapter of Indigo Park, I'm Sold™
#indigo park#they've got the comedy. they've got the bloodshed. they've got the fun characters. so far the only horror is a chase scene but I'll live#having 3 of those 4 elements perfected is hard for any game but it gets pretty damn close already#can't wait for it to be finished
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Live Jaws with a changed outro in NYC 2019
I have not seen this, which is why I'm posting it. Needless to say that I am sobbing now.
#sleep token#sleep token live#sleep token old#how the h*ll are you supposed to see love when all you ever know is the opposite.....working on letting love in at the moment#so this hits so damn hard#tw flashing#tw flashing lights
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Hi @naffeclipse I'm very normal about your fic. Have some frantic midnight sketches as extra kudos along with some tag rambling :)
#my ârt#crush depth#crush depth spoilers#fnaf#tw blood#tw drowning#idk how many others apply#anyways this is midnight crow coming out of the shadow realm to scream at you#first of all a cs ramble is on the way I'm still recovering from that fic too#im biting you naff im biting you so dang hard#I don't even know much about iron lung besides watching a play through but damn do you make me want to know more#just. where do I even start. the atmosphere is established so well and even though there was such a small space to work with I FELT it#I felt the claustrophobia I felt the walls and the console and the single dim lightbulb as my only solace in this death trap#the THOUGHTS#poor yn had so much time to just get lost in their head and spiral pretty much constantly#the dread. the constant overhanging dread of knowing there's a 99% chance they're not getting out of there alive and at this point#they just want to accept it and let it end bc there's hardly anything to go back to if they live#naff. look at me. reading some parts made my chest actually tighten with dread. it was so well done.#this poor human just buried in existential horror and just wanting it to end in a slightly less painful way#and the unknowable beings trapped outside who absolutely REFUSE to let that happen#god those eldritch fish were trying their hardest but just couldn't get in#yn was trapped inside while they were trapped outside and I just#I am EXPLODING the more I think about it#thinking about when they thought they were drowning and tried to breathe again#wanting to die but still having that instinct to survive#asking to be ripped apart but still cherishing their last breath of air#I'm shaking you I'm shaking you I'm dying on the floor#ough.#I'll never mentally recover from this and I want you to know I genuinely get inspired by your writing#this has been midnight crow ramblings. I just hit the tag limit. have a lovely night.
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Thinking of vlr Akane is so conflicting cuz on one hand I’m so upset that she doesn’t ever get a moment to just rest and enjoy being alive again I’m upset that she just gets deeper and deeper into this role she’s built for herself and she loses her humanity and will never ever be that girl who died in the incinerator. But on the other hand, I need her to get so, so much worse I need her to be so obsessed with perfection she has this unique ability to change the course of history and she will burn everything and everyone to the ground in the blink of an eye if it means she can "reset" and get a perfect timeline and I desperately need her to never be satisfied with anything because really, is there anything that’s worth all the damage she’s caused?
#zero escape#akane kurashiki#virtues last reward#yeahhhhh just having so many thoughts about akane and sigma and junpei and yeah im screaming eyes bloodshot#i want akane to just like post 999 just do silly shit with aoi get a cat be a gamer try to heal the best she can#and i want her to be so evil i think theres still some crimes she hasnt committed yet she should do those#i really really really want her and junpei to just beat the shit out of each other in a boxing ring. specifically post vlr#need them being old as shit throwing chairs everyone is cheering#and damn like vlr akane just cant agree with junpei on his philosophy that a life with pain is still a life worth living cuz then thatd mean#everything she did in 999 was all for naught like to accept even the bad timelines where she died as valuable...#thats a kick to the dick especially when she fought so hard to live and how her death was so unfair#except she was just a scared kid with no choice then. now whats her excuse#i just want it to be possible you know? possible that akane didnt need to do this and she couldve been happy#cuz yeah the trauma would be horrible but surely itd be better than the trauma she has now since she took that dive#i wonder if she knows that no matter what she does she’ll never erase her trauma and eventually she will have to face it#or if she actually believes she can figure it all out and win the perfect timeline and magical mental stability will happen#basically akane is avoiding therapy soooooo hard but then again who would even be her therapist#no one can possibly understand her...right?
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🔥
Pakkahuone, 23.11.2024
#filmed by my friend#really liked hearing the new songs live#especially this one#like DAMN that breakdown slapped so hard#wish i'd at least once get to the barricade to be able to headbang properly#a girl can dream...#käärijä
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The moral of the arcane season two act three is that if you're suicidal you should just go ahead and kill yourself
#Why did they give all three of their suicidal characters successful suicide attempts#If it just happens once that's one thing but all three of them#Suicide mention#the arcane spoilers#Before anyone says anything no I do not think they literally meant to say this bit it's kind of. An unfortunate turn of events#Arcane handled so many really heavy themes really well in s1 and then in s2 uh. Well the themes were there#Case in point is season one was like oh let's subtly yet plainly imply it by having jayce and viktor step off a ledge and jinx k#Let herself get blown up by one of her own grenades to blow up ekko to signify her lack of self preservation#And then in season two she goes off to kill herself and vi is like damn alright I'm gonna fuck my girlfriend in her jail cell now#And then jinx literally blows herself up like 10 times and then fall into a hole#The jayvik double suicide wasn't as bad but it still adds to the numbers and man it sucks that a disabled man who fought so hard to live#Just dies anyway#Oh Isha kills herself also but it's a noble sacrifice which makes it fine I guess#Heimerdinger also kind of does it. Listen I know tragedy writers love writing noble sacrifices but like can we calm down for a second#It's possible for people to die for normal reasons also
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👉👈 Hi friends! I have a long, serious post made just for you(!) that isn't full of spoilers, smut or mooning lawn gnomes. Please read if you can, this is a 💥 mutual aid request 💥
It has been a horribly painful and long while as most people following/keeping up with me know. and in a few days I'm going to be down $1500, which is basically all my fucking $
I can't afford Christmas for anybody, which sucks and I'm very sorry. I can't even take care of myself and haven't been, which also sucks and I'm very sorry
Landlords spontaneously raised rent on me more than halfway through this month as punishment for not getting to my house chores and not communicating, to be totally honest with you. I feel ashamed and awful about it but I didn't want to clean the place while multiple ppl living here had tested positive for COVID and kept walking around unmasked... I am not fully vaxxed because I've been too depressed to get any kind of necessary medical care done and I didn't want to catch COVID in the middle of my finals week for the semester. I woke up to being angrily and rudely bitched at first thing after the last of my finals (I passed at least). It wasn't a humanizing text. Fuck the mistreatment though. Rent is now almost doubled and it won't be lowered
There was no room for negotiation and I truly believe they've resorted to pricing me out of living here because the group of renters psychologically tormenting me wasn't effective (actually- putting a picture of my rapist on the fridge rly was super effective in getting me to isolate myself in my room all day and so was outing me as trans to the transphobic ass neighbors.... But I didn't and still don't have any place better to move out to, like the way they were hoping I would. Yes, I have looked and BEGGED btw)
I want out of here NOW, but I can't leave. I tried and had to come back because it was the best option. I can't afford to stay in a motel/hotel/BnB just to get away from them for a day or two during Christmas. I don't have any friends who I can spend the holiday with either. During the semester, I resorted to convincing classmates with keys to locked buildings to let me crash in them while they worked at night and I would leave before anybody showed up. Now that school is out, I can't do that. I don't have any family I can reach out to for support or friends who I can depend on for immediate help. I have been crying day in and day out for weeks. I have records of it posted throughout my blog. Literally crying for days on end. I'm being so fucking transparent
All that lump of text is to explain to whoever is out there, who might be listening and willing and able, to please consider helping me, if and ONLY IF able. I know times are tough and if you'd rather use your $ for other reasons or just don't have any to spare, don't sweat it and take care! 🫂
I've thought about what I could do for a long time and have helped myself how I can. It isn't enough. I've applied for so much assistance. Been approved and been sabotaged by my inhumane mom (who does not love me) via stealing my legal documents and letters and hiding them for months. My mind jumps to grim places but I'm clinging for dear life to whatever hope I have left that says things will get better. I wish I knew somebody with a business that I could work for. Part of me feels so fucking terrible for asking for help because I feel like a waste of all your resources. I feel like I shouldn't ask, like I really do not fucking deserve help, but there are friends online who care, who I know mentioned being interested in helping in whatever ways they can
So to the people who care to seriously me, I'm ready to accept it: please send me nice words to get through this and feel less alone. It feels pathetic to ask but I would love a nice letter. A nice card even. Kind words of any kind would go a long way. It means more to me than food. I have felt so broken and every day feels like a test to figure out how badly I actually want to live
I'm also leaving my cash app and paypal here in case anybody would like to do more than what I'm comfortable asking but probably very likely will inevitably need very very soon. I will be left with fucking nothing and I will have no idea what to do once rent is paid
Thank you to those of you who have sent love, offered to listen and heard me out. I really wish it wasn't so hard to survive. I'm trying to feel better knowing there are people out there who are also without help and hoping the best, but it doesn't make me feel any better or comforted tbh. I just wish the help was there for us. I wish there was a place to go for spare love, care, compassion, empathy, kindness, humanity, generosity... I need that more than I need $. Call me stupid but that's what I live for. I don't live for paying to survive in terrible conditions. I live for love and to smile with friends
I hope to write back to the friends who have already been so kind as to message me soon btw. I'm sorry for not replying sooner. Your overwhelming support is sincerely sweet and sometimes I cry because I can't believe people are so nice (to me???). It'll give me something to do that doesn't make me feel like dying! :') so thank you thank you thank you *fist bump*
Hope you're all doing as well as you can and that somehow things get better. Hope anybody else struggling like me doesn't make the mistake of isolating like a sick and dying animal. You deserve love. You deserve support. Don't be like me. Have the courage to reach out to the people who care about you for help as early on into your emergency as possible. Don't let your situation snowball because you spend so long trying to figure out if you're worth it!!! This Random Tumblr user is here to tell you that YOU ARE. Sending my infinite everlasting unconditional love. Be nice to yourselves. Be nice to each other. Fuck the hateful assholes who wish I would just kill myself already. Tell your friends you love them. Happy Holidays!!!
And here's a single picture of a mooning lawn gnome at the very end, as a treat! I told you this post wasn't full of it.... It just ended with it 👉👉
#i decided i rather write a help post rather than a suicide note or my own obituary#sorry to ask for your attention AGAIN#mutual aid#important#help#i'm very sorry#mutuals can all kick my ass once for not abandoning me during these times#i wish i had a $ goal but i do not as of now#I'm taking it a day at a time#doing my very best and trying so damn fucking hard.. please help#i rly would just like to escape and have my own tiny place one day.... some place i can live and love happily in#i was on the steets earlier this year and living out of my ex's car. i do not want to go back to that out of desperation#i have been through so much just trying to survive in place where i don't feel like i belong or welcomes me#i need help#babbling
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I haven’t said this enough recently but I’d like to take a moment to remind everyone…or idk…whoever sees this post…
That I love Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Thank you.
#that man is a disaster and he is the best#i love him and all his infinite sadness and regret and trauma and heartbreak and failures#and anxieties and worries and self loathing and self doubt#all his hubris and sarcasm and snarkiness and sassiness and flirtiness#and how everyone who meets him either falls in love with and/or wants him dead#i love him for all his negotiating and meditating and nerdiness#i love his ability to befriend everyone he meets and his love of animals and all living things and how hard he tries to hold onto hope#his desperate need to be good enough and his love of adventure and his tendency to get kidnapped and his hatred of flying#and above all i love him for the endless love he carries inside of him#how he fought so hard to never give up on anakin and how he spent the rest of his life watching over his kids#how he learned to be himself again after spending time with a feisty ten year old leia#how he softly cried as qui gon and satine died in his arms and how he refused to be the one to kill anakin#how he saw padme and anakin in their kids and how they reminded him to have faith in whatever remaining good there was left in the galaxy#this man had this insane life and went through so much and somehow never fell to the dark side#even when he and the ones he loved were always at the center of all that damn tragedy#yeah i love obi wan#star wars#obi wan kenobi#the clone wars#a new hope#the phantom menace#attack of the clones#revenge of the sith#obi wan kenobi series#star wars original trilogy#star wars prequel trilogy#kate's post
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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