#little murder spawn needs his beauty sleep

[lazylittledragon]

one of those 'only wine in the camp supplies' nights [X]

[hornsbeforehalos]

Anytime, Sweetheart (Remastered)- Part Two

Pairing: JDM x OFC (RPF)SERIES WARNINGS: (not specific to each chapter): violence, implied sexual assault, drug use, drinking, smut, murder, cursing, age-gap relationships, power dynamics, angst, slight slow burn, cheating... will update warnings as needed. AUTHOR'S NOTE: this is a rewrite! I originally wrote this, which can still be found in my master list, years and years ago and finally have decided to spruce it up a bit. This will be in third person POV and updated to be less... cringy as the original. As of right now there are only two chapters rewritten but if anyone shows interest, I will continue :) Please let me know if you would like to be tagged. I haven't written anything serious in years so this is me dipping my toes back in :) Face credit for OC is Taylor Momsen :) Tag List: @coffee-obsessed-writer@kazosa@lovealways-j@lovetusk@sorenmarie87

The next morning, Kylin was woken up by her screaming niece jumping on top of her over and over again as she laid on the couch.

“Birdie, why do you hate me?” She groaned as she pulled the little girl into her chest for a hug. 

“Auntie KyKy! Wake up!” Justice squealed. Her loud, shrill, voice made Kylin wince, her hangover in full effect.

“Shh, child, let’s go back to sleep” Kylin replied as she squeezed her close. She buried her face into the tiny terror’s hair while the girl continued to protest against her. 

“You stink!” Justice yelled, scrunching her nose as she pushed away from her aunt. 

“No, you stink!” Kylin countered as she rolled onto her side, her back against the couch cushions. 

“Nuh-uh!” The little girl insisted.

“Yuh uh!” Kylin answered before she shoved the child off the couch. The girl landed with an “oof,’ followed by a shrill giggle that made Kylin wince once more. 

“Go find your mother, spawn,” Kylin instructed as she threw her legs over the side of the couch to stand up. 

She made her way towards the bathroom with one hand pressed against the back of her head and the other against the bridge of her nose to suppress the throbbing that had been induced by her wonderful niece. She could feel the oil seeping from her pores, and when she brought her hand from her face to rub her eyes in her sleepy stupor, she felt the black smudge that had at one point been her eyeliner smear across her face. 

“Well, good morning to you, sleeping beauty,” Came a gruff voice as the door to the bathroom opened before Kylin could reach for the knob.

Standing before her, in nothing but a very low-slung cotton towel, was Jeffrey.

“Holy shit,” She managed to mumble in surprise, her brain half fried from not only her hangover, but the unexpected view. 

“Sorry, love,” Jeffrey chuckled as he moved around her, his fist gripped tight to keep the fabric around his waist together.

“Uh, no worries,” Kylin responded, entering the bathroom. Jeffrey made his way towards the guest room, and Kylin couldn’t help the way her eyes followed him down the hall. 

--------------------------------------

The shower was life changing. All the sweat, dirty, grime, even her headache, was washed away. While she dried herself off with a big, fluffy towel, she realized she had forgotten her backpack containing all of her clothes. She wrapped the towel around her body and opened the door to go look for it. 

She turned the corner and almost ran smack dab into Jeffrey’s chest. (Which was now covered by a worn out Harley Davidson tee.)

“Oh fuck, s-s-sorry,” She gasped. Embarrassment flooded through her as she looked up at him. He wore a smirk on his lips, and he gripped her by the shoulders to steady her. 

“A-hem” Was suddenly heard from behind Jeff, and Kylin peaked her head around his frame to see Jensen standing in the hallway with her backpack lifted up in the air by his index finger, “Looking for this?”

“Uh, yeah, thanks, Bubs,” Kylin answered, her blush growing deeper as she stepped around Jeffrey to grab the backpack from Jensen. 

She ducked into the nearest empty guest room, and Jensen followed her.

“What’s that on your neck, Ky?” Her brother asked. He ducked his head and gestured towards her neck.

Her hand automatically went to her throat and pressed against the newly formed bruise from the day before.

“Oh, uh, I had on a necklace yesterday that was, like, super tight, and I accidentally ripped it off, and uh.. Yeah…” She trailed off before turning her back to him to rummage through her stuff. She pulled out a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt, as well as a bra and underwear.

 “Um, a little privacy here, big bro?” She laughed nervously, looking over her shoulder toward him before going back to her clothes on the bed. 

“Hmm, yeah, whatever.” Jensen replied, suspicion laced in his tone. She heard him set out a deep sigh before his footsteps retreated from the room.

A few minutes later, as she pulled her shirt over her head, Robbie’s concerned voice came from the door way, “Jesus Christ, Ky, What the fuck?”

She spun around and quickly pulled down her shirt, just in time to see Jeffrey walk past Rob in the hallway with an unreadable look on his face. He quickly averted his gaze from their direction, and increased his pace to his room. Kylin stepped over to Rob and jerked him into the room before she slammed the door closed. 

“Fuck, Robbie, what the hell?” Kylin growled in annoyance.

“What the hell is this?!” He asked in reply. He turned her around, and pulled on the hem of her shirt to reveal the bruises scattered across her ribs and back. His other hand gently trailed over the yellow and greenish marks, “He did this?”

She pulled away from him and scowled as she faced him, her arms wrapping around her body for comfort. 

“God damnit, Kylin.” He whispered angrily. He lifted her chin up with his fingertips to examine the darkening mark Jensen had mentioned earlier. She turned her head to the left as his fingers ghosted over her skin, her eyes trained away from him as tears began to form. 

“Shut up,” was the only thing she was able to choke out before she crumbled into Rob’s arms. He picked her up and carried her to the bed and held her as she cried for half an hour. 

The safe feeling of being in Rob’s embrace calmed her, and she wiped her eyes after the last tears had finally fallen. “Promise me you won’t let this happen again. Please.” Robbie begged, his voice cracking as he restrained tears of his own. 

“Promise.” She sniffled. 

He looked her in the eyes again for a moment and let a tear run down his face before he nodded and brought her head back to his chest. They laid like that or a little bit longer while they both steadied themselves. 

“Better?” He asked after a while, patting her on the back as he pulled away.

“Better.” She answered with a nod, using the sleeve of her shirt to wipe her nose again.

Rob stood and pulled her up by the hand. He linked their fingers together and led them towards the door. She followed him to the dining room, where it seemed everyone had already gathered as the morning routine of breakfast preparations had begun.

The moment she sat down at the kitchen island, Justice led the Padalecki boys on an assault against Kylin’s legs, equipped with foam swords. 

“KyKy, will you make us pancakes?” Thomas asked while giving her a set of puppy dog eyes that rivaled his father’s. The other two children soon followed suit with the same stare, knowing she couldn’t deny them anything. 

Kylin let out a huff of exasperation and hopped down from the stool she had been perched on to make her way past Dani and Gen to the pantry. She ignored their snickers at how easily she was broken down by the tiny demons. 

“Need any help there, darlin’?” A rough drawl came from behind her as she was mixing in chocolate chips into the pancake batter.

Jeffrey stepped up beside her at the counter and peered into the bowl while licking his lips. 

“No, sir,” Kylin replied cockily while she continued to stir, “If there’s one thing I’m good at, it's this. I can make these bitches in my sleep.” 

She moved from her place beside him to the island where the stove was to check the temperature of the oil in the pan. When she turned back around, Jeffrey was standing there with his finger in his mouth, batter dripping down the length of it. 

“Mmm-mmm-mmm-” He said, furrowing his brows and shaking his head back and forth in pleasure. 

She couldn’t help that her breath hitched, or the bright red shade that flushed her skin at the sight. 

“Hey, Jeff, I think your car’s here.” Jensen grunted as he entered the room, an annoyed look on his face as he glared at Kylin. 

Jeffrey pulled his finger from his mouth as he pushed himself off the counter with a roll of his eyes. 

“Alright,” He chuckled as he wiped his finger on a dish towel before he grabbed his jacket from the back of the nearby chair and shrugged it on.

“See you all later,” He waved to everyone, but gave Kylin a wink when their eyes met. He showed his teeth in a sweet smile before he headed towards the door.

With a sigh, Kylin turned her attention back to the pancakes.

--------------------------------------

The day went on, spent by playing with the kids and lounging on the couch with the girls. Kylin had received the phone call that she had been wanting from her dad- he had been able to sneak into the apartment while Anthony was gone and had gathered up as much of her stuff as he could. He was about as oblivious to the situation as Jensen was, but he also had his suspicions as well.

Jared and Jensen had been sent to the grocery store with the kids, the adventure deemed “Mission Impossible” by the boys, so when the doorbell rang as Kylin was laying on the couch, she automatically assumed it was just them needing help getting stuff out of the truck.

As soon as the front door opened though, she realized how wrong she had been.

Anthony’s fist came colliding with her face, the force knocking her back. He flung the door the rest of the way open and staked the four feet into the house to the entrance of the hallway. He grabbed a fist full of Kylin’s hair and pulled her up to knee her in the ribs.

“Stupid” punch “Fucking” knee. “Bitch.” slap.

Kylin tried her hardest to push him away and fight back, but the man was over twice her size. She screamed as loud as she could, knowing someone had to have heard the commotion.

Suddenly, the very distinct sound of a gun being cocked was heard above her, and they both looked up to see Danneel holding her pistol at the ready, aimed directly at Anthony’s head.

“Get out of my house.” Danneel seethed, a dangerous glint in her eyes.

It was a big enough distraction, thankfully, for Rob and Richard to rush him and get him to the ground. Neither of the two men stopped there, though. 

Rich held Anthony by the throat as Rob clobbered his face repeatedly with his fists. It wasn’t until Jared and Jensen busted into the hallway and pulled everyone apart that the chaos finally subsided.

“Oh look, it’s Hollywood, here to save the day.” Anthony spat the blood that had pooled into his mouth onto Jared’s shirt as he was hoisted to his feet. 

Rob and Rich rushed to Kylin, and Rob picked her up as Rich protectively positioned himself in front of them. Kylin held onto Rob for dear life as sobs wracked through her battered body.

“You will never, ever put your fucking hands on her again.” Gen raged. She walked up to the man and gave him another slap to the face of her own. 

“I’m sorry, you did what?” Jensen took the gun out of Danneel’s hand and pushed her and Gen behind him. “I know I didn’t hear that right.” 

“Fuck you. Not your fucking business what I do with my woman.” Anthony responded, spitting more blood. 

Jensen brought the barrel of the pistol to rest on Anthony’s temple. Everyone held their breath.

“Jensen, stop.” Kylin managed to squeak, “I’m not worth it.”

Her brother turned his head towards her in disbelief. He moved past Rich to grab her face in his hands and turn her head to look at him before he spoke, “Don’t ever say that again. You are worth so much more than this.” He kissed her hair before he turned back around and resumed his aim on Anthony. 

“You are so fucking lucky we don’t do cops, you know that?” Jensen snarked. He craned his head in order to be able to look Anthony in the eyes, “Well, for right now anyway.” 

Jensen took a step back before he flicked the gun’s safety on and held it out for Danneel to take. He grabbed Anthony out of Jared’s grasp and pulled him towards the front door, “You will get the fuck out of my house and away from my family. You will not go anywhere near them, or you will find out how much my sister means to me and how little your life does.” 

In one adrenaline-fueled heave, Anthony was sent flying out of the front door. Jensen and Jared stormed after him and proceeded to kick the ever-living shit out of him until he was back in his car. He fell into the driver’s seat, a bloody mess, before speeding off. 

The boys rushed back inside and Jensen scooped Kylin from Rob’s arms in a huff. He soothed her crying and kissed the top of her head as he carried her to the guest room with her stuff. He laid her down on the bed before climbing in with her and wrapping her up in his arms. 

“I’m so sorry, bubbah” She sobbed.

“No, no sissy. I should be apologizing. I knew. I fuciing knew and I didn’t do anything about it. I should have beat his ass the first time you came down here. I’m so fucking sorry. Everyone’s gonna fucking kill me.” He breathed through his own tears into her hair. He rocked them both back and forth. 

They laid there for a while and cried together. He did his best to comfort her while his own guilt tried to eat him up inside. Kylin let him know she wanted to be alone, so he decided it was probably smart to check on everyone and let them know she was okay for now. 

It took hours, but Kylin finally succumbed to the trauma and exhaustion, and fell asleep. 

[invisibleanonymousmonsters]

All Men Have Limits - III

Character: Dick Grayson x Reader x Bruce Wayne

Summary: A certain bat believes that Y/N is in way over her head, that she’s too naive to act in her best interest. So, whether she wants it or not, the vigilante family is going to help and protect her before she gets herself killed.

Word Count: 3,500+

Previously on…

Bruce was having yet another night without sleep. It happened often. And similar to the rest of the family, he just learned to function on very few hours of sleep.

So, he decided to make his way down to the kitchen.

But as he walked down the long hallway of bedrooms, he noticed that Y/N’s door was open. He glanced inside to see that it was empty and her bed was still neatly made from this morning. 

He looked down at this watch to see that it was almost 5AM.

A part of Bruce expected to find Y/N snacking or drinking coffee. But she wasn’t in the kitchen either.

Bruce sighed, realizing where she’d be and made his way down to the cave.

He expected to find Y/N with her eyes bloodshot and shoulders hunched over at the computers.

What he didn’t expect was to find Y/N passed out, slouched in the chair, knees in her chest and head balanced on the palm of her hand. How her elbow stayed propped up on the arm of the chair was beyond Bruce.

He smirked at the sight.

Perhaps she’d been spending too much time around the Wayne family. She was starting to adopt their bad habit of exhausting themselves.

Bruce knew she would be irritated if he moved her. But, honestly, he didn’t really care.

Carefully, Bruce slipped his arms behind her back – separating her from the chair – and then behind her knees, slowly lifting her into his arms.

Even though the movement was extremely smooth, Y/N still stirred.

“I was just taking a cat nap,” Y/N mumbled, but couldn’t even open her eyes to make the argument compelling. “I’m still working.”

“No, you’re not. Time to get some sleep.”

“Mmmm. Fine,” she slurred and tucked her head into his neck.

Bruce wasn’t sure if her mind even put together that it was him carrying her.

But he savored the closeness as he carried her out of the cave and up the stairs to the second floor of the manor.

When they got to her bedroom, Bruce put her down on the bed so softly, that she didn’t even feel it. Then he bent down to take off her shoes and unfolded the covers to tuck her in.

Just as Bruce reached the door.

Y/N woke up slightly and muttered, “Night, Bruce.”

His hand froze on the doorknob. It was so quiet that he wasn’t even sure if he had imagined it. But he couldn’t find the courage to turn and face her.

So he shut the door and let her sleep.

————

“Where’s Y/L/N?” Damian asked the table.

She usually ate breakfast with them.

“Still sleeping,” Bruce answered without looking up from the newspaper. “No one bother her today. She needs to rest,” that made him look up and give a warning look to Tim, Damian, and Dick.

Then Jason came stomping into the kitchen.

He grabbed a pastry and ate it standing up, getting crumbs all over the floor.

“Where’s ladylove?” He asked with his mouth so full that he looked like a chipmunk.

Bruce ignored him and looked back down at the paper.

But Dick frowned at him. “Don’t call her that.”

“What do you care?” Jason laughed.

Dick didn’t dignify the question with an answer. He just thrust his chair back and shoved Jason’s shoulder as he stormed past him.

“What’s his fucking deal?” Jason asked once he was out of ear shot.

“Watch your language,” Bruce warned with a glare from behind his paper.

Jason exhaled a laugh. “I’m not a kid. I also don’t live under your roof anymore.”

“And I consider that a gift,” Damian muttered loud enough for everyone to hear.

Jason smacked the back of his head.

Damian flew out of his seat and lunged for him. “I will end you, Todd!”

“Maybe when you hit puberty, demon spawn.”

“Damian!” Bruce shouted to get his son’s attention. His son snapped to attention. But then Bruce’s tone was eerily calm when he continued with, “Control your anger.”

It was something they’d been working on since Damian arrived at the manor. Bruce guessed that Damian would always have a temper. But he needed to learn how to control it. Through time and practice, he got better.

Damian took in a deep breath, but still looked like he wanted to murder Jason.

“I will be training,” Damian announced through an irritated sigh before leaving.

Bruce glared at Jason. “Don’t push him.”

“He started it.”

“You claim you’re not a kid, so don’t act like one.”

“Speaking of kids…” Jason started with a smile.

Bruce swiftly stood up. “Don’t even try.”

Then he was gone as well, leaving just Jason and Tim.

“Well, it appears everyone is in a rather bad mood this morning,” Jason joked.

But there was no response from Tim.

“Are you sleeping with your eyes open?!?” Jason yelled.

That woke up Tim and he jumped. “Huh? What?”  

————

Y/N would’ve slept the whole day if she hadn’t smelled the coffee and breakfast.

She winced as she woke up to see if her mind was playing tricks on her.

But on top of her nightstand sat a beautiful, antique tray with a full American breakfast on it, a cup of water, a giant mug of coffee, and a little vase with a tiny flower in it – a single, pink peonie.

Y/N rubbed her eyes awake with a shy smile.

Alfred was way sneakier than she realized if he could bring in a full tray like this and not even wake her up. She must be far more exhausted than she originally thought.

But then a piece of paper caught her eye. A note.

Y/N reached for it.

In the neatest handwriting Y/N had ever seen, she read:

“Perhaps you should take the day to relax. I apologize for my behavior last night.”

Y/N snorted at the word ‘behavior.’ Everything he had done last night was passive. It was more of an energy and tension than actual behavior. But Y/N had to give him credit for being aware of it. He had annoyed her last night, especially when Dick somehow took the fall for her own actions regarding her own life.

She ate the food at a disturbingly fast rate, not realizing how starved she’d felt until taking the first bite.

She would definitely miss Alfred’s cooking when she finally left Wayne Manor… whenever the hell that would be.

Y/N hoped it was sooner rather than later.

‘No, you don’t. Liar.’ A voice said inside her head.

Once Y/N had finished eating at light speed, she threw on a pair of baggy jeans and a cropped sweatshirt. She grabbed her coffee and carried it through the hallway.

She heard typing coming from Bruce’s office. He hadn’t used the room since she starting stay at the manor. So, her curiosity got the best of her and she leaned into the doorframe.

Bruce was wearing a navy polo that fit tight on his toned body. He was behind the desk, typing on the computer with his brow folded in concentration.  

He immediately noticed her presence and looked up from his work.

“Hi,” she said shyly before she leaned her back into the doorframe and took a sip of coffee.

“Hi,” he smiled back.

“Thank you for the breakfast.”

Bruce leaned back in the chair and crossed his arms. “I can’t take credit for the actual cooking,” he admitted with a smirk.

“Oh, I know.” Then she looked around the study. “I was on my way to the cave when I heard you in here.”

Bruce frowned at that. “I thought you were going to take the day off.”

“I think you thought I was taking the day off.” Then she raised an eyebrow and glanced at all the work spread out on his desk. “Maybe you should take a break.”

“This is Wayne Enterprises, not my…nighttime…activities.”

Y/N shrugged and sipped more coffee. “Still work.”

Bruce rubbed his face. “Guess so.”

“I’ll make you a deal,” Y/N walked into the room and didn’t break eye contact. “If you take the day off, so will I.”

She expected Bruce to immediately shoot down her offer.

But he was smirking as he considered her proposition.

“Deal,” he told her before standing up and walking out from behind the desk.

He got unnecessarily close, invading her space.

Bruce held out his hand.

Y/N grinned at the formal gesture, but shook his hand.

But when their hands gripped together, the gesture no longer felt formal. It felt intimate. Y/N’s grin fell when she acknowledged it.

“What did you have in mind?” Bruce asked. He put his hands in the pockets of his slacks.

If he felt the same intimacy as she had, he didn’t show it.

Y/N cleared her throat. “How about something simple? Maybe a walk?”

Bruce nodded slowly. “A walk sounds good.”  

“Well, then what are we waiting for?” Y/N sassed.

He shook his head and almost rolled his eyes before gesturing to the door, silently telling her to go first.

Next thing Y/N knew, she was getting an informal tour of the grounds at Wayne Manor from the owner himself.

Y/N listened closely, genuinely finding all the history interesting. Bruce was surprisingly a good storyteller – even if he was more informative than colorful.

“I know you had a hard childhood. But it still must’ve been nice growing up in a place like this,” Y/N tried to tell him.

“I suppose so.”

He glanced at Y/N and found her giving him an encouraging look, as if she was silently begging him to say more, to share more.

But he left it at that.

“Damian is rather fond of animals. That’s why we updated the old outbuilding. He keeps his horses there…amongst other things.”

Y/N chuckled and nodded, “He was telling me about Batcow the other day.”

“I’m sure he wouldn’t appreciate me telling you this, but I think Damian has enjoyed having you around – all the boys have.”

Y/N hummed and turned to fully face Bruce. “And what about you? Have you enjoyed having me around?”

“Wayne Manor is the safest place for you right now.”

“That’s not what I asked, Bruce.”

But he already knew that.

Y/N waited. Because she wasn’t going to let him ignore her question.

“Dick has taken quite a liking to you,” Bruce said quietly.

“Don’t change the subject,” Y/N snapped.

He opened his mouth to continue, but she cut him off.

“We’re not talking about me and Dick. We’re talking about me and you.”

Bruce’s jaw tightened.

Y/n took a step closer to him. “Why did you kiss me the other night?”

He tilted his head to the side. “Did you not want me to?”

“What does it matter?” Y/N sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “I want to know what you’re thinking. I thought I put up walls. But you give me nothing, Bruce. Absolutely nothing. One second I think you see me as a nuisance, then the next you’re fucking kissing me.”

“You’re not a nuisance.”

“Oh, he speaks!” Y/N threw up her arms.  

“What do you want me to say, Y/N?” He asked evenly.

Always calm and collected. Overly polite. Controlled. Closed off.

“Forget it,” Y/N breathed and started walking back to the manor.

But after she was a few yards away, she realized she wanted to say one last thing and turned back around.

“Not that it matters. But I did. I did want you to kiss me.”

“Then why did you run away?” Bruce asked.

“Because I knew you would do it eventually. And I was trying to protect myself.”

-

So much for a “day off.” When Y/N was upset, she turned to her work to take her mind off of things. Was it denial? Was it displacement? She didn’t like to dwell on it. And most of the time, there was no one in her life to call her out for it.

Y/N thought she was emotionally distant, but Bruce won that race by a landslide. And she found it infuriating.

It was interactions like the one she just had that made Y/N think everything Dick tried to tell her about how Bruce saw her was utter bullshit.

Y/N arrived to the cave with an energy she was definitely not expecting.

Damian and Dick were training on the lower level while Tim and Jason observed from the sides.

Y/N had seen footage of each of them fighting before. It was one of the research pieces she’d watched while investigating them before figuring out their identities. But seeing it in person was a completely different experience.

Dick was using his escrima sticks,  while Damian had his katana.

Jason noticed her arrival and made his way over with a smirk.

“Was wondering when you’d wake up,” he greeted.

“Please tell me that’s a sword for training and not an actual blade,” Y/N asked nervously while her eyes followed the two dancing around each other. She could even hear the blade slicing through the air.

“Don’t worry. They won’t seriously hurt each other.” He had a little side smirk. “Especially since Dick is Damian’s favorite.”

Y/N looked at Jason. “I always assumed Bruce was his favorite.”

He shrugged. “Dick’s been a father to Damian far more than Bruce ever has.”

She didn’t have anything to say to that. It caught her by surprise a bit.

“Can you fight?” Jason asked her.

Her eyes widened. “No. I don’t know how to do…anything. I did one of those boxing workout classes. I hated it. All the instructors are male models, and that’s their side hustle.”

“I can assure you that was not boxing,” Jason laughed. “Why haven’t asked one of us?”  

Y/N shrugged. “Seems like a waste of your time.”

“No, it sounds like a fun time,” Jason corrected.

She laughed at that.

They both watched the two again.

A few moments went by before Y/N quietly added, “I have a gun. I don’t really know how to use it. But I thought it was necessary with my…line of work.”

Jason nodded slowly. “These pansies have a certain aversion to guns.” He looked down at her. “If you need me to show you a few basics, let me know.”

Y/N quickly looked at him. “T-Thank you.”

He laughed. “Don’t look so surprised.”

Jason Todd may have been labeled an anti-hero or even a criminal at one point. But deep down, he was still a Wayne. And even though he had the reputation of the bad boy, they all knew he was a sweetheart deep down. However, Y/N was now just seeing it.

Y/N jumped when Damian was slammed to the ground.

“Jesus,” she hissed.

“He’s fine,” Jason insisted.

But then he leaned closer and started pointing out certain moves to her. 

“With Dick’s gymnastics background, he incorporates a lot more acrobatics and moves that require more flexibility. He’s good at improvisation. He also leans more toward taekwondo. But with his escrima sticks, he also uses arnis.”

He looked down to make sure he wasn’t boring Y/N before he continued.

“He almost moves like a dancer,” she thought aloud, proving she was interested and engaged.

“Exactly,” he nodded. “Whereas Damian is still a kid. It’s less about power and more about agility. Before he got here, he was trained to kill. He’s mastered the sword better than any of us – but don’t tell him I said that. Damian’s had to adjust his technique and turn it non-lethal.” He smirked, “Just think devil ninja and that pretty much sums it up.”

Y/N laughed.

“And Tim?” She asked.

“Tim leans towards Kobudo, which is an ancient style developed by the Japanese. He prefers to use a battle staff. He’s smaller, so his technique is very calculated and controlled. Every move he makes counts for something. He’s extremely observant and can read his opponents like a book. Dick tries to create his openings, while Tim waits for the exact right moment.”

“Smart,” Y/N commented.

Jason nodded in agreement.

She turned back to him. “And you? What’s your style?”

“Brutal,” a voice said behind them.

Y/N whipped around to see Bruce standing behind them with his arms crossed. He’d changed, and was now wearing a tank top and sweatpants. Clearly he came down with the intention to train as well.

Jason didn’t seem surprised nor did he acknowledge him, meaning he probably knew the moment Bruce had arrived. He just didn’t care to notice him outwardly.

“Wing chun. Heavy-weight boxing. Krav Maga,” Bruce continued as if he was just listing of stats. “Angry…” he shrugged, “sometimes reckless.”

Jason scoffed at that.

“And he can’t seem to get over his complex for guns,” Bruce finished.

Jason turned to him. He was just an inch or so taller than Bruce. But he looked like he was twice the width and his muscles were somehow even bigger.

“Should we give her a show, B?” Jason offered with amusement.

“We’re not a spectacle, Jason.”

Jason looked down to Y/N. “Such a party pooper this one.”

She smirked at his sass. Bruce was not in her good graces right now, so she would support any and all mocking of him.

Y/N hadn’t even looked at Bruce since he arrived. And now she was choosing it as a perfect time to finally make her way to her computers and away from him.

Jason didn’t miss the cold shoulder. “What did you do to piss off yet another woman?”

Bruce glared at him, and walked down to the training area with the boys.

Jason followed after him. 

He looked back and forth between Bruce and up at Y/N, a plan developing in his head.

“$100 bucks Bruce can lay out Dick in two minutes,” Jason said loud enough that Y/N could hear him.

Tim and Damian shared a smirk.

Bruce and Dick glared at him.

“I’m not betting against that,” Damian announced.

Tim smiled. “But I will.”

Dick shook his head in submission, “Fine.”

Bruce needed the practice, even though he was aware Jason had ulterior motives with his request. So he just gave Dick a look of consent.

Y/N tried to ignore what was happening, even though Jason made it very clear for her. She heard the sound of fists and feet hitting skin. He heard their grunts of pain and exertion.

It wasn’t until she heard Dick torment Bruce with, “Come on, old man,” that Y/N couldn’t help but turn to watch them below the platform she worked on.

Dick’s teasing worked, but not in his favor.

Bruce no longer took it easy on him. Maybe that’s what Dick wanted, but he was now on the defense.

They were fighting hand to hand. No escrima sticks or gadgets. Just hand-to-hand combat.

Y/N could tell the that Dick was starting to get frustrated. 

Bruce, however, seemed completely calm. He knew all of the boys’ fighting styles and taught them the majority of what they knew. There was a part of Bruce in all of them. It almost made for an unfair fight. 

Their movements got faster and faster. Y/N was struggling to figure out what was even happening anymore.

But just when she was about to give up her observing and get back to work, Bruce managed to get a proper grip on Dick and flipped him over his shoulder.

Dick landed on his back hard. So hard, that Y/N heard the smack and the sound alone made her feel sick.

Y/N gasped, and put a hand in her mouth when the sound came out louder than she expected.

Jason, Tim, Damian, and even Dick glanced up at her.

But Bruce was staring down at his opponent.

“Your weight placement was off and you know how to get out of that hold,” Bruce lectured. “You know better.”

Dick glared up at him.

Bruce offered him a hand up, but Dick ignored it.

“I know,” Dick growled as he got to his feet.

“You’re letting yourself get frustrated. It’s causing your mistakes.”

“I said I know,” Dick snapped louder this time.

Before an argument could really start, Alfred made his presence known by clearing his throat.

All the boys looked up at him, as well. 

“What is it?” Bruce asked.

“I was rather certain you’d forgotten. Seems I was right.” Alfred cleared his throat. “I came to remind you all that the annual gala for the Martha Foundation is tomorrow night at the manor.”

“Can’t we reschedule it,” Damian whined.

Bruce shook his head. “The Court of Owls is made of Gotham’s elite – many of who are invited. If we cancel, it will cause suspicion.”

“You can’t honestly think we should risk that with Y/N being here,” Dick called out, gesturing up towards Y/N.

Bruce and Dick had a silent conversation.

Y/N knew it was about her, so she did not appreciate being excluded.

“Oh, wow. Looks like one of my safe houses is finally more secure than this place,” Y/N spoke up melodramatically.

But she should’ve known it wasn’t going to be that easy to escape.

--------------------------------------

Next chapter is gonna be fun, guys. 😈 But let me know what you thought of this one. 

[katfett]

LITTLE VALKYRIE - PART FIVE

A/Ns: It it is! Focusing on this and Beauty and the Beast - so a new chapter of that will be up tonight at some point too. 

TAGLIST: @peachyboneless @youbloodymadgenius @criminaly-supernatural @heavenly1927 @zuxiezendler @surewhyynot @revolution-starter @punkrocknpearls @oldglitterstory @bloooferladyy @naaladareia @ecarroll1978 @mrsalwayswrite @eveenstar

(If you wish to be added, removed - just lemme know)

SUMMARY: She wasn’t meant to be here, she was on holiday in England and the next thing she knew she was in the middle of a war. Nora needs to survive if she ever hopes of finding her way home, but she wasn’t prepared to run into the sons of Ragnar Lothbrok. She wasn’t prepared for the adventure and trials coming her way.

“Where do you think she comes from?” Hvit was still in Ivar’s tent for some time after the girl gave in to sleep near the fire. She’d stripped some of her clothing off, revealing a strange tunic beneath. Ivar had not seen nor heard of such clothing, the fact even Hvit, after his time in the Mediterranean, had not made him curious just what else was out there. Had she come from the west beyond the Saxon shores? Somewhere his people had never been able to venture to, yet.   Were there others like her out there? Where were her family? Did she travel alone?  

“I do not know. I don’t think her answer, when I get it, will shed any light on it,” he replied truthfully to his older brother. There was little he did not share with Hvit. He kept his older brother in on his plan because he knew the curiosity bubbling beneath the surface. He felt it every time he looked at Nora. He wanted answers, even if they made new questions. There was a soft snore from behind Ivar and Hvit grinned in the direction of Nora. He spared a fleeting glance over his shoulder before turning back to Hvit.  

“Ubbe has men keeping an eye on Harald and his men.”  

Ivar nodded. “I told him my conditions, if he wanted the girl.”  

Hvit’s eyes widened, horrified and Ivar paused, confused as to why his brother was suddenly so concerned by such a statement. “You’d hand her over to him, knowing what he’ll do?”  

He snorted. “Harald will not give up everything he has for the life of one woman no matter how enraged he is.”  

Ivar knew how to read men; knew how to spot their weaknesses and Harald had exposed his long before they reached Wessex. His wealth, his power, whether it was spawned from the desire to have a woman once be his, was what he coveted and his greed wouldn’t let him relinquish it for a single act of vengeance on a small woman.  

“What do you intend to do with her?” Hvit asked. Ivar knew why he asked, though it wasn’t said in a way to mock him as Sigurd might have inferred had he posed the same question.  

“For now, talk to her, and keep her alive.” It was all he could do. He had no plan for the future for now when he didn’t know what awaited them in York.  

Hvit nodded, his gaze wandering to where Nora slept behind Ivar. His brow furrowed deep in thought. “Are you certain she won’t murder you as you sleep?”  

“Are you concerned for me, brother?” he teased, chuckling. Had the initial moments before she retired not gone well, he might have considered restraining her but she seemed to understand her place for now, the risk that killing him would do for her. He was hedging on her fearing Harald more than she craved her freedom for the time being.    

“For my little brother, yes. Ivar the Boneless might strike fear into those who know him by name only, but she seems wholly unaware of your more brutal actions over your life.”  

Ivar nodded a little, understanding what his brother meant. He was right too; those who knew of his name feared him for the reputation that he had garnered. He did not care that others shied away from him, or disliked being near him. As a cripple, it had become a part of his life early on.    

Nora muttered something in her sleep behind him and he turned to look at her. She had rolled over to face them, her body buried deep into the fur so only her head was visible and it was partially hidden by hair falling across it.    

She hadn’t flinched at his condition, like she had seen similar before him and it was nothing new and foreign to her. It confused him as he wasn’t use to being looked upon in such a manner.    

Hvit sighed behind him after a moment and Ivar glanced round at him as his brother stood. “I’ll take my leave so you can rest.”  

He nodded, watching him leave before turning to the woman.  

Ivar pushed from the table, dragging himself towards the furs that made his bed and pulled himself upon them.    

His wrist straps came off first, his hands flexing as he massaged deep into his wrists one by one. Nora didn’t move as he stripped off what he didn’t need for the night; she had been exhausted and the safety this tent provided probably gave her the chance to sleep properly for the first time since she’d been captured by the Saxons.  

The bindings on his legs came off last, normally Ivar would not bother to remove them but he’d been sleeping horrid for some time and wanted them gone for the night. He pulled off his armour, then his tunic.    

She was filthy he noticed before, she needed clothes that would blend her in more too. He hadn’t failed to see the way the people watched her, saw her. As she dressed now she stood out. Whether she liked it or not, he would need to convince her once he was able to locate clothes for her.  

With a great sigh, of both relief and discomfort, Ivar rested back into the fur bedding, his eyes travelling back to where Nora slept. In the quiet of the tent, he watched her for a while before sleep took hold.  

***

Nora smiled, tucking her hair back behind her ear as she sat beside Ivar. She wasn’t a shy person in general, but he had a presence about him that made her so.    

She startled a little as his hand covered hers by her ear; calloused fingers large but gentle as they brushed over her fingers before slipping to her hair and burying into it a little. There was no tight grip, no roughness to him. He murmured causing her to frown at him, confused. His fingers came back to hers, taking hold of them in a grip that was far more tentative than she thought possible for a man with the aura he radiated. He repeated himself, pulling her fingers down between them. She slowly nodded, somewhat understanding and repeated the word.    

He smiled and Nora’s heart beat quickened, he was indeed handsome there was no denying that.   Nora licked her lips, and his eyes fell to them. She was aware then of how close they were to one other; it was far too intimate like this.     As he tightened his grip on her hand, leaning in a closer Nora was startled by the sound of something outside the tent.    

In an instant Ivar popped away into thin air, and Nora woke under the warmth of a fur.    

She’d been dreaming. Mortified, and now a little glad of the language barrier, so if she talked in her sleep he wouldn’t understand her, Nora sighed and rolled onto her back.  

Regret instantly hit her as she felt the urge to pee hit her. She was beginning to dread this way of waking up.  

The tent was dark; the fire near her barely embers and she glanced around, trying to adjust to the dark so she might see where Ivar was.  

There was snoring from behind where she was and she turned while sitting up. In the dark she could just make out where he lay and thinking better than to sneak off, she pushed the fur off and crawled towards where him.    

She paused near him, she could make out the steady rise and fall of his chest beneath the fur and up close she could see his arms where bare as his pale skin stood out in the dark. She hesitated as she went to reach out and poke him. Did she say his name? Did she stay at a distance? She felt like she was about to poke a sleeping bear.    

Nora was used to men who would grumble at her and roll back over to sleep when she tried to wake them. Ivar wasn’t like them, she didn’t know how he might react.  

But she really needed to pee.  

With a shaky breath, Nora reached out and touched Ivar’s bare shoulder as she whispered his name.  

What came next happened in such a blur that she let out a surprised squeal as she was dragged down towards the sleeping man and rolled over. The feel of something sharp pressed into her throat made Nora wince as it cut in a little, leaning her head back and going rigid beneath the now awake viking; her eyes squeezed shut as she hoped he didn’t kill her.  

***

Ivar wasn’t a deep sleeper for the most part, he occasionally was able to get a little here and there. He definitely wasn’t used to the feel of someone touching him in his sleep.  

So, it surprised him enough when he felt soft fingers tentatively touch his shoulder as he heard his name whispered to him on the fringes of his sleep.  

Worried someone had snuck into his tent, Ivar reacted in the only way he knew, he reached for one of his knives as he grabbed whoever was near him and dragged them down, putting them under him in seconds.  

It happened so fast that when the sharp, feminine squeal registered in his mind, Ivar was staring down at a frozen Nora, her hands on his wrist as he held the knife to her throat. It took a second for his eyes to adjust to the darkness and he was able to see the way she was trying to force herself into the fur to escape him slicing her throat. Her eyes were squeezed shut and her face full of fear as she stayed rigid under him.    

Ivar needed a second to process it all, understand that it was her under him and not some assassin sent to slit his throat.     Her grip on his arm wasn’t tight, her fingers curled around his forearm. His free arm was braced to the side of their heads, leveraging him close to her face.  

He heard the soft whimper from her, the slightest of noises, and he felt a wave of regret suddenly wash over him. He’d almost killed the girl.  

He wanted to grab her throat and bark at her that she should know better than to wake someone. He knew she wouldn’t understand him though and she’d just cry beneath him, afraid of him. Which would get him nowhere.   The grip on his knife relaxed, his forearm relaxing as well as he stared down at her, unable to move and unsure of what to say.  

She must've felt the way his arm relaxed and her grip slid away as her face softened and she slowly opened her eyes to look up at him.   His knife still at her throat, her eyes found his in the dark. She looked like a wary animal, unsure of what to do as she lay beneath a predator about to maul her.   Ivar was so close to her he could feel the short, shaky breaths she was breathing against his throat.   They were frozen as they were, neither moving nor speaking.

Ivar didn’t know what to do.    

After a moment, she whispered a single word out between them in her language. He didn’t understand it, couldn’t, but desperately wanted to.   Slowly, he withdrew the knife from her throat, setting it down by her head as he leaned over her, his eyes intent on her.   She followed the weapon with her eyes, and as she moved her head, she winced, reaching up to touch her throat where the knife had been.  

He reached up, pushing her fingers away and feeling the damp, stickiness of blood on the column of her throat. He’d cut her.    

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, his thumb feeling the fast pulse beneath her skin.

***

“Please.” She knew he wouldn’t know what she was asking, what she was begging for. His weight over her wasn’t heavy, his body supported by his arms. The tense air between them was hot and suffocating enough without him pushing himself onto her. He was still a large man, heavy and broad compared to her.

After a moment though, like he’d been able to process her request, he removed the knife from her throat. Terrified, Nora’s eyes followed it and she winced as her movement pulled at the cut on her neck.  

His fingers brushed hers away as she reached to touch it and she stayed frozen as he pressed against the cut gently.  

He murmured something to her, his thumb stroking down the side of her neck and over her pulse. He’d be able to feel how nervous she was.    

“Ivar.” His hand stilled as she looked him in the eyes. He looked confused as she pulled his hand away and she leaned up, forcing him to pull back and rotate to the side to avoid smashing heads with her. She picked up the end of her shirt and pressed it against the cut on her throat as she took him in. Ivar’s bare torso was exposed now he was sitting up and even in the darkness his pale skin stood out, letting her see a strong set of shoulders, arms and torso that was impressive for a man who didn’t have access to a modern gym.    

She shivered a little and turned away from Ivar, unsure of what to do, what to say. She felt him behind her, moving and then he was leaning against her back with his own. He sat behind her quietly, unmoving but for his deep, even breaths that she could feel against her back.  

“Sorry I startled you, I just needed to go to the bathroom and didn’t want you to think I was trying to escape,” she blurted out in a rush, unsure why she felt the need to when he didn’t understand her. She sighed heavily, and then after a moment, pulled herself away from him and slowly climbed to her feet. She could feel him watching her, but she couldn’t meet his gaze even in the dark of the room.  

She gestured to the tent exit. “Can I go?”  

“Nora.”  

She didn’t know if he was giving her permission or trying to get her attention but Nora moved towards the door.  

Strong, calloused fingers caught her hand before she could get too far away and Nora glanced back. He was staring at their hands and Nora remembered her dream and a shiver coursed through her.   She turned her hand in his and gently squeezed his, hoping it conveyed what words genuinely weren’t able to. She didn’t even know what she was trying to tell him.  

That she would be right back? That what happened happened and it was okay?    

His grip tightened on her smaller hand and then released it slowly. He looked up at her and Nora nodded in the dark, hoping he could see her a little.  

She moved to the door, struggling for a second to find the exact piece she needed to open and managed to step out. It was still dark out, but late if the lack of people wandering about were anything to go off.  

Beside the door was the large, white haired man who had been not far from her here and there throughout the day. As she stepped out, he stood tall from the stump he was sitting on.  

What did they feed these men to make them so freaking big? He towered over her by nearly three full heads. She tried to give him a smile but his gaze was intense, hard and cold.  

He leaned down and stuck his head into the tent, speaking to Ivar for a moment, likely confirming that she was allowed out. When he straightened back up and let the door fall into place, he nodded at her and gestured for her to follow him.  

Nora nodded. As she stepped off the edge of the skin that had been near the entrance though it was onto cold, damp grass and she remembered that she didn’t have her shoes on.   Rather than try and get him to wait, Nora padded along barefoot behind him, wrapping her arms around herself as she followed the large man.  

***

Ivar huffed out as White Hair dropped the tent flap back down and scrubbed a hand across his face. He dropped back down onto his furs, staring up at the dark roof of the tent and struggling with a deep tension in the pit of his stomach, one that he had not felt before. He wanted to chalk it up to feeling guilty for almost killing the girl. He didn’t feel guilty about things, this was a foreign feeling that he didn’t feel comfortable with.  

Then, he wondered if he was feeling worry that she wouldn’t come back. White Hair would keep her safe so he knew logically that she would return. He didn’t like this. He sighed heavily, rolling onto his side and staring at the door, watching and waiting for her to come back.  

***

Hvitserk, Ubbe and Sigurd usually took turns when sleeping, usually to ensure Ivar didn’t snap in the middle of the night and murder someone and cause unrest and that no one murdered one of them. Sigurd was snoring heavily in the open tent at Hvit and Ubbe’s backs as they sat around a fire, drinking.  

“Do you think York is a good plan?” Ubbe pressed. Neither had really rebuffed the idea of York, though they each had concerns about the way they were going to do this.  

“I do, I think Ivar is right. We need a strong foothold here if we intend to raid further and cement ourselves here.”

It was their intention after all, to spread further across the kingdoms of the Saxons, possibly to the far stretches of this land and see what is beyond eventually.  

“And you don’t think the woman is going to distract Ivar?”  

Hvit grinned as he took a sip of his drink. “It takes a lot more to distract Ivar than a pair of thighs and hips like that.”  

Ubbe chuckled softly beside him. Hvitserk glanced up when he heard a guard nearby say something about a woman. Ubbe did the same, almost in perfect sync with him, and they laid eyes on the very thing they were discussing trailing behind White Hair through the camp. She was almost glued to the man’s back she was so close to him, and had her head down. Hvitserk glanced across the camp to where Harald’s tent lay. The man was sitting up too, his eyes on the very same time most of those awake were intent on.  

Hvit set his jug down and stood. “I’ll be back.”  

Ubbe nodded as Hvitserk set off in the direction of White Hair and Nora. “Why is she out of his tent?”  

White Hair didn’t stop walking as Hvit fell into step alongside Nora who jumped and looked up at him. She paused as he did, barely inches apart as he stood towering over her. She was barefoot, and still missing the clothes she’d removed earlier in the evening.    

She looked tired, and bedraggled and Hvit grinned down at her before noticing the smeared blood on her neck. He reached up to touch it but Nora flinched back. He paused, his hand halfway to her and he tried not to let her reaction dissuade him. He brought his other hand up and cupped the back of her neck before she could retreat further from him and tipped her chin, letting him see the thin line of a cut on her throat.    

“What happened?” he asked, glancing over to White Hair who had finally stopped.  

He shrugged. “Ivar did not say. Only that she needs to piss or shit.”  

Hvit frowned at the older warrior. He was loyal to Ivar, and sometimes to a fault. “Keep her at your side, not your back from now on. There are too many eyes on her for comfort.”  

The man simply nodded in response.    

Hvit glanced back down to Nora who was staring up at him with a confused look on her face. He smiled and pulled away from her. She frowned as he stood watching her. He jerked his head in White’s Hair direction, holding his arm out for her to lead the way.  The way she rolled her eyes said she was anything but impressed with him and he chuckled as she caught up to White Hair.    

***  

Bathroom breaks in this age were so odd, and awkward. Most of the men just pissed wherever they felt the need and it stunk. Nora couldn’t hold her breath long enough to avoid sucking in the smell of it. She was just relieved to go at this point. Hvitserk had stayed with her and the guard, making it far more awkward, though they did afford her a small measure of distance for privacy. She didn’t know why he made her nervous, he didn’t really do anything wrong but his presence made her feel crowded, like he was overwhelming to have near.    

At least, she figured, with him around she was was definitely safe. She had begun to piece together that whoever he, Ivar and the others who had been in the room with her cage in it were, they were leaders among this army. It was strange they had so many but perhaps it was just a combined assault of different nations on England in this period.    

The returning walk to Ivar’s tent was quiet, Nora didn’t fail to notice that Hvit and the guard were either behind or walking in tandem with her. She realised then that the people milling about the camp still looked as she came near, and whispered among themselves. Hvitserk left her side at one point and she noticed him join the one named Ubbe by a camp fire.  

Reaching Ivar’s tent felt like a weight eased off her shoulders that she hadn’t been aware was there.  It was uncomfortable being so jarringly out of place. Nora didn’t like it. She liked blending into where she was.     The large guard reclaimed his stump and ignored as she pulled the tent flap back. She paused, looking down at her feet and then to the large man.  

“Thank you.” It was quiet, he wouldn’t understand but she felt the need to thank him. He wasn’t her guard, no, he was likely keeping her safe because Ivar had ordered him to. Babysitting a stranger to the bathroom and back in the middle of the night probably wasn’t high up on his to-do list.  

He didn’t acknowledge her, merely picked up the jug by his leg and took a sip. She awkwardly nodded to herself more than him at the lack of a response and scrubbed her feet against the fabric beneath them, trying to clean them up a little.  

Stepping inside, Nora didn’t look towards where Ivar was laying. She padded over to the furs she was sleeping on, and collapsed down on them. It was soft and warm, inviting. Rolling over, she curled up beneath a fur and tried to find sleep again.  

[give-grian-rights]

HERMITCRAFT 8 LIVEBLOGGING

fifteen hermits worth of liveblogging. i am losing my mind. LONG POST AHEAD.

JOE HILLS (First HC8 Video)

Mumbo did the speech. he forgot everything he was supposed to say <3

Pearl and Gemini were just .in a pit . having stuff thrown onto them

Every Hermit is staying on the same continent !!

FIRST DEATHS VERY QUICKLY, Iron Golems took out Tango and Etho (maybe more?)

Joe seems to be the only one looting the chests

Evil Jevin !!

Evil Xisuma appearance on Jevin’s 60 second video!

Pearl has something planned for an “archeticual wonder” for a resupply area upon death?

Stress, Xisuma and Joe are capturing villagers and starting up a resupply debut.

Bdubs is killed by Cleo and is now OUT FOR BLOOD

First death counts- Etho, Tango, Bdubs, Cleo?

Cleo was killed by Keralis

Joe has now supplied Cleo with weapons and food . She left but not before saying “Time to kill BDubs again!”

Gemini was killed by Bdubs! They both died and are now at spawn.

Pearl was killed by Cleo

Pearl is planning a respawn inn !!

Cleo was killed by Iskall

Cleo was killed by Pearl

False, Stress, and Gemini team up??? AA!!! they brought a delivery of supplies to Joe <3

i wish i knew what was happening on that end .

APPARENTLY XISUMA IS ONTO MAKING THE SECOND VILLAGER BREEDER ALREADY ??

Iskall is the first with Diamonds??

Breathe in that ash !

WAIT IS TANGOS EYES LIKE THAT RN BECAUSE HES TEAMED WITH KERALIS AND BDUBS ???

KERALIS, BDUBS, AND TANGO TRIED TO DO A SHAKEDOWN ON JOE. HE TRIED TO DROP LAVA, GOT HIMSELF ONTO TWO HEARTS BECAUSE HE PLACED IT ON HIMSELF, AND IS NOW SWIMMING OUT INTO THE SWAMP

the big eyed trio are now off to shake down Gemini

Joe fell in Lava in the Nether

Joe Death To Lava Two: Electric Boogaloo

Joe drowned trying to kill a glowsquid

WATCH JOE’S VIDEO OH MY GOD SEAN HILLS RECAP RAP??? MY BELOVED????? i am gonna be streaming this unironically later LIKE OH MY GOD THIS SLAPS. ALSO THE CREDITS AT TEH END IS HILARIOUS

Zedaph Episode Recap

Zed gave us a recap of the continent every Hermit will be living on !!

Wouldn’t recommend Zedaph as the first video for the season, he skips the intro/speech but it’s Zedaph and hes making it fun!! Lots of nice editing :)

~SCIENCE TIME !~

Zedaph.. why is your starter base made out of concrete ?

There are no sheeps whatsoever on his mountain

Hes calling his lab an icecream sandwich..yeah i see it

Zed tried to make a portal underater...f

Scar died to a creeper </3

Zedaphs base is gonna be tracking how long hes there/someones loading the chunk!

XISUMA LIVE BLOGGING

A cool cinema scene of him becoming an axolotl!! <3

NOW I CAN SEE IT, GRIAN WAS THE FIRST DEATH!! Death by Iron Golem!!

XIsuma’s baseplans need over 45 THOUSAND BLOCKS TO BE PLACED

He’s also planning on making a shulkershell farm!!

i’m not gonna lie ! talking axolotl X is horrifying ! thanks !

Day one Villager Breeder... chaos.

Xisuma Derp! looked straight at a buncha wool and said how badly he needed beds and then walked away

THE GIRLS CAME OVER AND CONVINCED HIM HE NEEDS TO MOVE THE DESIGN OVER MY FIVE BLOCKS FOR SWAMP VILLAGERS..

THE GIRLS ARE JUST LAUGHING AT HIM AND HIS VILLAGER TROUBLES

day one and Xisuma has got his axolotl!!

Very pretty starterbase!!

XB’s

..I’m not gonna lie theres not much to say!! He’s very calm :) he says hes going into it without a plan, and htat last season was the only time he had any thought of what he was gonna do.

He made a real nice starter house and thats about it!

Cleo’s

Bdubs: “She ain’t gonna hurt me!! i’m invincible, babey!”

Cleo learnt that BDubs will never hurt her even if she deserves it . I am starting to realize why she kills him

SHE DECIDED SHES GONNA BE A PROPER CHAOS GREMLIN THIS SEASON...

AISDJASID CLEO GOT PAID TO KILL BDUBS?? HDUIAIHSI SCAR WHY

“Alright I found my mission for the season! Murder.”

Cleo, Mumbo, Grian, and Scar are all holed up in a cave together!

..Scar died from a skeleton !

Cleo has now split from Grian and Mumbo! Scar is missing in action

CLEO FOUND A GOAT

SHES KILLING THE GOAT???

she got a HORSE <3 and Joe gave her a saddle! I think her name is..Widget?

She LOVES the candles for shamboo n waterbottles and bits n bobs for her armorstands!!

Got her Armorstand stickgod book <3

Geminitay POV

NEW HERMIT NEW HERMIT NEW HERMIT!!

She has a LOVELY voice!!

The pov of her in a hole . being surrrounded . is kinda hilarious

It might’ve been Etho who was first death?? I GENUIENLY CANNOT TELL BECAUSE OF EDITING

All the murder was just for heads!

Seriously her voice is. wow

WE LOVE A QUEEN WHO KNOWS HOW TO CRAFT A SHIELD WITHOUT USING THE GUIDE <3

False, Gemini, and Stress are on the great journey for MOSS !

Gem just blew their minds with the moss.

TANGO KERALIS AND BDUBS ARE BACK Keralis: “Show the diamonds show the diamonds show the diamonds!” Gem: “Keralis. This is not how you make friends.”

The boys suecessfully recieved a diamond each

Etho n Iskall are travelling together!! You dont see those two together often

Etho got a glowsquid head!!

Gem: “Etho doesn’t share, is what i’m learning..?”

Etho hooked her with a fishing rod and said she has to do what he said .

In order to get the diamonds, Tango, Keralis, and BDubs placed down a sign saying “Gem is Great!” and Gem used a glow inksack on it.

Etho: “So..What is this? Do you have an ego, or this a motivational thing, or..?” He said, while laughing

Iskall: “I think its really funny that you have set your base up in the middle of a birch forest.” Gem: “I love birch forests! Do you not like my birch forest? Iskall: “I love it, yeah.” Gem: “This is the best biome in the game, Iskall.” Iskall: “Mmmm..” Etho: “I’m pretty sure I heard Iskall talking earlier that like, of all the biomes in the game, there was one he hated more than anything. Gem: “Oh really? And what was that one?” Iskall: “..Taiga.” Gem: “Taiga.. That’s true, thats a good one, thats a good one.” Iskall: “Don’t like Taiga.” Gem: “Mhm.” Etho: “Which one do you hate more than anyone?” Iskall: “..Diorite fields. Thats a bad one.” Etho: “Yeah thats a bad one.” Gem: “Didn’t know about that one. Well make sure to avoid’em. Birch forests are really good.” Iskall: “I’m a big fan of birch forests.” Gem: “Yeah, me too, me too. I’m glad we’re on the same page :) This is so beautiful! All the white and- and the like zebra stripes! is fantastic.” Iskall: “I..Um.. Yes.”

OH SHE’S CANADIAN,, ETHO HAS A FRIEND /j

She’s still in college :O SHE’S A SCIENTIST?? SHES WORKING AT A HOSPITAL?? POG!!

She accidentally found an enchanted golden apple in a mineshaft!! she thinks its the first she ever found in survival!!

She has a cow, sheep, and a few crop farms set up!! Her starter house has INTERRIOR!

SHE CHANGED HER SKIN AND ITS SO PRETTY AND HAS OVERALL AND I LOVE IT!!

shes doing a cottage core inspired base!

WOAHH!!! SHE MADE HTE MOST GOREGOUS CUSTOM TREE I’VE EVER SEEN ??

BDUBS IS HERE and he is so so so impressed by the tree ?!

also hes carrying a clock.. :(

He’s here with a present!

HE BROUGHT BAMBOO!

she thinks its so funny that he stops conversations to sleep AOIDHFEAUI\

SCARS

WE GOT A TRANSITION SCENE!! the canonical reason for the bed in his old village always being occupied is because underneath it, was his wizard portal!

Bdubs: “It’s a new season! You’re the little guy now!”

They are all very amused by that ^

they’re rubbing the fleece of bdubs jacket .

Bdubs: “Have a nice rub :)” PLEASEAHSIOJDIUASLDHIASDA

His starter base is gonna be a wagon and he wants the end game to be a bioshock esque skyscraper!

he confused a horse for a player . flashback to iskall thinking mumbo was a mob

PEOPLE THINK MUMBO DOESNT HAVE PANTS ON.... </3

Scar, Mumbo, and Grian.. have NO braincells. at all. THey just placed a crafting table with a boat on top with a bed on top with a boat on top .

this is what BROS FOR LIFE looks like.

BOATEM POLE !

SCAR IS STUCK UNDERGROUND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT IRL AND HAS NO PICKAXE..

AND HE DIED TO A CREEPER .

it seems like Grian, Mumbo, and Scar are working together !!!! HOLY SHIT !!

THERES SO SO SO MANY FARMS???????

he died several times trying to catch a skeleton with a sword

FIRST CHEST MONSTER OF THE SEASON <3

SCAR JSUT TOLD BDUBS HE LOOKS LIKE OSCAR THE CROUCH... BDUBS CANNOT EVEN ARGUE

OH NO.... GRIAN WENT AFK IN A HOLE . WITHOUT A HELMET .

THEY PUT A  GLOWSQUID HEAD ON HIM

OH MY GOD MUMBO MADE A NOTEBLOCK SONG?? AJUDA

SCARS BUILTING IS SO SO SOOS GOREGOUS SERIOUSLY GO WATCH THE VIDEO OH MY GOD ITS HUGE

its a giant ass house boat wagon . its pulled by a llama . that killed him . so now its trapped, pulling hte agon, forever

Grian: “..Thats a very big house, for a very little hat.”

GRIANS SUPER SPECIAL EGG??

SCAR PUNCHED IT..

they really came out here . and killed the egg already.

Scar: “..I touched the thing”

TANGO POV

We see the three big eyed boys forming <3 they interrupted Tangos intro

THEY’RE BULLYING HIM ABOUT HAVING SMALL EYES AHIDUIASUHDWIS

HE TRIED TO CALL THE TRIO TEAM BUG EYE... THE OTHERS ARE VERY OFFENDED

they found an axolotl and Bdubs was TERRIFIED just screaming “WHAT IS THAT YELLOW THING?!”

BDUBS IS ATTACKING IT ???

okay nope Bdubs caught one and Tango lost it

Bdubs is naming his axolotl Idiot

AMAZING HOUSE. WHY IS TANGO SO GOOD AT BUILDING AND REDSTONE??

Impulse POV

MUMBO TRIED TO PLACE DOWN A BERRY BUSH TO HURT IMPULSE . HE FORGOT HOW BUSHES WORK..

I DIDNT EVEN NOTICE THAT IMPULSE WAS IN THE BOATEM POLE

so it looks like those four are hteo nes who grouped up together

PEARL BROKE THE CONSTITUION SHE GOT IN THE WRONG BOAT SMH

THIS IS SEASON EIGHT! FIVE BROS !

So its gonna be about five people in the same area!!

YOO!! Fantasy build for Impulse!!

G gave Impulse a spyglass, they had a fun moment of zooming in on eachothers face and complimenting eachother IHAUDIHAW

Grian and Impulse worked on an xp farm!

ASHDUIWAHISD GRIAN JUST LOGGED ON INFRONT OF HIM

a pillager stole his boat . not just any pillager . the one with a banner. </3

he has to live with Mumbo tuning a song .. </3 haha

Mumbo POV

it took fifteen seconds until Grian ran in during Mumbos intro

CONFIRMED? GRIAN WAS FIRST DEATH?

SECOND PERSON TO THINK MUMBOS PANTS ARE SKIN COLOR. GRIAN..

Grian: “Can you..Briefly explain why you’re just wearing a hawaiian shirt?” Mumbo: “Uh- what do you mean ‘just wearing a hawaiin shirt? I have shorts on as-well, dude”

FOLLOWED BY

Mumbo: “Can you explain why you’re wearing a red jumper?” Grian: “You know- you know i was born with this!”

MUMBO AND GRIAN STOLE THE BOAT LOOT FROM RENDOC

I THINK RENDOC JUST STOLE THE DIAMOND MUMBO THREW??

Grian: “Is that Scar?” Mumbo: “I can’t see past your giant waffle!”

DSFSDFJIOA they did an edit where they placed down a boat, both Mumbo and Grian got in, they made noises and then bopped up on top of the ravine they were in <3

THEY HAVE NO BRAINCELL THEY JUST PLACED DOWN A BENCH AND SAID “THIS IS THE MARK OF OUR VILLAGE!” and then placed a torch and a boat and a bed and aANOTHER BED..

..Mumbo is trying to be a pacifist this season!

Grian’s taunting him with beheaded things

And obviously part of being pacifist means he’s gonna be vegetarian in minecraft!

..he cannot use monster farms because pacifisim..

Mumbo was in the middle of reading the magical Timmy shack that Tango made (did i remember to mention that? who knows) and IN THE MIDDLE OF GETTING TO THE PART ABOUT IF YOU REMOVE STUFF FROM THE CHEST, NOTHING WILL BE ADDED IN IT AGAIN. Grian opened the chest . Mumbo SHOUTED HIAUDHUW Grian jumped man

They renamed it “Cave of Do Not Enter” HIAUEDUH

Mumbo and Scar BOTH did not know- at least Mumbo didn’t, Scar forgot,  that podzol spawns from two-by-two spruce..

him and his guitar song to be played underneath his house.. it goes with the aesthetic i suppose

MAN HE NEEDS SO MUCH HAYBALES I FORGOT THATS NEEDED FOR THE TUNE HE WANTS

Mumbo: “What.. On Earth.. Scar, it’s meant to be a starterbase, buddy! What is this? This is many things, many many things, a starterbase is NOT one of them!”

HE LITERALLY DIDNT KNOW THAT THE DRAGON EGG TELEPORTS... WHEN YOU TOUCH IT...

BDUBS

nothing special we havent seen yet!! just him screaming about axolotls.

He was working in the Mesa in his intro, skipping the “speech” from Mumbo

He released Idiot the Axolotl and lost it .

Him SCREAMING “Gemini” is HILARIOUS

While Gemini gave away those three diamonds, Keralis got so excited he won a bet with Tango and Bdubs, that he gave back . two of the diamonds . and none of htem released until well after they left

Bdubs: “That’s why i have my mwoss skin!” PLEASE I LOVE THE WAY HE SAYS IT.. make the moss hood.. REAL..

it took me a while to figure out what his base is but i LOVE IT so so much!!!

Nothing much new to add !!

Stress pov

please i love her . very good !! False seems to have joined her sheerly because Stress sounded like she knew what she was doing. she does not.

False felt peerpressured and asked Stress for permission to fight her because everyone was killing eachother .

It ended up with Stress following False. they found a village!

ISKALL only saw him one other time today!!

JEVIN APPEARS AGAIN !

XISUMA FELL INTO HTE BREEDER AND IT WAS SO FUNN IUAHHYIAUSD

Ren: “Ya look goregous, Stress!” Stress: “Thanks! Don’t murder my dog!”

She’s so proud of herself for caving!! (with False n Gem

Iskall blew up!

..Iskall fell from a high place

Stress has a LOVELY ravine base!!

False

False wants to become pirates with Stress <3

gatekeep gaslight girlboss

BIG OL MUSHROOM HOUSE !!

it looks like a mushroom church and i LOVE IT.

Nothing new we didn’t see from Gem. She does want to come up with a banner design for her base, though!

Grian

..Mumbo just thought Grian had a purpose so decided to follow him <3

ALSO HIS INTRO, AS HE JOKED ABOUT IN THE OTHERS VIDEO, WAS, IN FACT, THE BOATEM POLE

Grian is SO PROUD of the fact taht they got good loot from a treasure map. Ren and Doc are NOT IMPRESSED

Grian: “Lets go, potato boy!”

Mumbo: “I don’t have to replace everything I break! Peace Love and Plants- are these plants..?” He says, mining amethyst

pants

he who controls the egg, controls the server... Grian.. you’re doing great sir

...He decided.. his goal.. is to make his OWN..caves and cliffs update... HELLO..?

Grian was the first one to kill the enderdragon, MAN. Speedrunning career WHEN? /j

Grian: “And now [Mumbo] is flexing on my bed!”

he might not have a base. but he has an egg.

It is now 2am. i cannot do this anymore. This will be continued.. tomorrow!

[sagamemes]

the sheridan tapes  📼  part one.   here and under the cut, you can find a little under 120 lines of dialogue from the horror podcast the sheridan tapes, specifically from episodes one to three, edited for roleplay purposes.  tw: police, murder, supernatural elements, mentions of apocalyptic scenarios, near death experiences, injuries, vehicular crash, recreational drug and alcohol use.

❝  jesus, [name]. you’re not making this easy, are you?  ❞

❝  makes you wonder... do these things follow me because i chase them, or were they always following me?  ❞

❝  darkness and complete disorientation does a number on the human brain.  ❞

❝  i don't think he was a werewolf.  ❞

❝  i’d call it the customer service smile. you know, the one that says  ‘ thank you for shopping with us, please die now ’.  ❞

❝  i’ve found the more showy the text, the less impressive the actual phenomena.  ❞

❝  my job here is kind of… shaky at the moment.  ❞

❝  [name] was also engaged in the study of the impossible in his free time.  ❞

❝  so it’s just me who drives you up the wall then?  ❞

❝  well, you’ll be happy to hear i haven’t been having any fun. no weed, no ghosts.  ❞

❝  there hasn’t been a new lead on her case in more than half a year.  ❞

❝  so here i am, wrapped up in a blanket, staring at my little fireplace, so bored i actually decided to call my sister for once.  ❞

❝  it’s a little town near bandon. very little. nice little mini-market, and that’s about it.  ❞

❝  i doubt i’ll sleep much tonight. that’s okay. i just feel like looking at the stars for a while.  ❞

❝  it's probably for the best. i am simultaneously exhausted from the drive and absolutely wired from the coffee.  ❞

❝  i wonder if there will still be ghosts out there when that happens?  when the earth is gone?  ❞

❝  glad to hear you’re enjoying yourself, then.  ❞

❝  knowing doesn’t make things any easier, but it does make them a little less frightening.  ❞

❝  that’s all just a lazy way of saying that the real explanation is too difficult—or too horrible—for them to accept.  ❞

❝  it almost killed me, but in the end it settled for putting me in pt for a year while i figured out how to use my hands again.  ❞

❝  he muttered something about my time being up. or maybe he said it wasn’t up.  ❞

❝  i don’t really care that i didn’t get any writing done today.  ❞

❝  nothing. not a single idea worth writing down, no itch i needed to scratch or question i needed to answer.  ❞

❝  guess there really is no such thing as bad press.  ❞

❝  i have no idea what a writer’s  ‘ process ’  usually looks like, but i’m pretty sure it’s not this.  ❞

❝  see what i have to deal with?  god… siblings, am i right?  ❞

❝  what can i say?  i have a soft spot for gothic architecture.  ❞

❝  computers have never been very good at reconciling paradoxes.  ❞

❝  they’re pretty much over funding my little expeditions.  ❞

❝  that kind of smile doesn’t normally show that many teeth.  ❞

❝  you know, that’s only scary the first few times you do it.  ❞

❝  one day, it will be dead. one day all the stars will burn out, go dark and silent. one day, everything will be so dark and so cold that no new stars can ever be born. the old ones will blink out one by one, like candles going out, and then… nothing. silence. darkness. void.  ❞

❝  the simplest explanation is almost always the right one.  ❞

❝  i don’t remember getting in my van, putting the key in the ignition, or speeding away from that house, but i must have.  ❞

❝  no, no, i’m fine, i’m fine, just go bother someone else.  ❞

❝  i haven’t eaten, moved, or written anything all day.  ❞

❝  but maybe that's just the fact that it is two in the morning and my brain is running mostly on caffeine.  ❞

❝  given how good a [job] he is, i know it’s not the first time he’s done it.  ❞

❝  i escaped, but i knew that whatever was in that house has just marked me as prey.  ❞

❝  calm down. think. you’re just going to confuse yourself.  ❞

❝  just wanted to tell you a couple of us are headed out to marvin’s for drinks if you want to come.  ❞

❝  one of the most disappointing things about living in america is the lack of genuinely haunted houses. out of all the supposed haunts i’ve visited, maybe one in ten seems like the real deal.  ❞

❝  sounds… peaceful. not many distractions, then?  ❞

❝  something tells me this tape wasn’t played in court.  ❞

❝  one of the neighbours must have called 911.  ❞

❝  my infamous accident. it almost killed me.  ❞

❝  i just woke up to footsteps in the kitchen. i don’t know who, or what, but there’s someone in here with me!  ❞

❝  could you shut the door on your way out, please?  ❞

❝  uh, wasn’t expecting to hear from you so soon.  ❞

❝  the fire that i said went out?  yeah, it just started burning again.  ❞

❝  so i asked him to lie.  ❞

❝  it'd really be just a few of us. maybe me and [name] and one or two other tagalongs…  ❞

❝  apparently, the press had a lot of questions too.  ❞

❝  i’ve driven more than 8 hours and drunk enough bad coffee to give an elephant heart palpitations. i’m sure as hell going to get my money’s worth.  ❞

❝  oh sorry, am i bothering you now? what happened to  ‘ call anytime you want, [name] ’ or,  ‘ you’re always welcome here, [name] ’ ?  ❞

❝  i’ve forgotten to charge my phone. again.  ❞

❝  i… think i’m going to turn around now.  ❞

❝  well sorry if i wanted to have a nice talk with my sister for a change.  ❞

❝  will it just be left there forever? our legacy? look upon our works, ye mighty, and despair?  ❞

❝  no matter how far away from home you are, no matter how different the constellations might look from where you’re standing, you can always look up on a clear, dark night and feel like you’re about to fall right into it—the terrifying, endless expanse of nothingness.  ❞

❝  i know authors can do some crazy things to get out of writer’s block, but i’ve never heard of one resorting to arson.  ❞

❝  why do you always think there’s something wrong?  ❞

❝  ours is not to question why, ours is but to digitize and stay the hell out of trouble.  ❞

❝  so let’s try walking backwards. just keep an eye on it.  ❞

❝  i got lucky. or maybe i was just fast enough to escape.  ❞

❝  maybe there are secret passages behind the walls and corridors.  ❞

❝  no matter how far i walked, i couldn’t find the way i came in.  ❞

❝  well, i /know/ i’ve had worst nights. i just can’t think of any right now.  ❞

❝  i do want you to have fun, [name], i just don’t want you to get yourself killed doing it.  ❞

❝  i mean, obviously, i do care, that’s the whole reason i made this trip. to get away from the noise and focus.  ❞

❝  i might have… forgotten to tell anyone where i was going.  ❞

❝  before i get started, there’s just one thing i need to say. i have absolutely no patience for the unexplained, or the things people call  ‘ unexplainable ’,  ‘ supernatural ’, or  ‘ paranormal ’.  ❞

❝  i told [name] that i needed to get out, to get inspired.  ❞

❝  okay, if someone is messing with me, they’re going to be very sorry, very quickly.  ❞

❝  [name] lied his ass off to save yours.  ❞

❝  a crash like that does funny things to your head.  ❞

❝  i still don’t know how he got there without me noticing.  ❞

❝  any plans i had to travel abroad went up in smoke.  ❞

❝  i thought of pulling out the bad cop routine.  ❞

❝  strange how something so dead can be so beautiful.  ❞

❝  it hated me:  hated what i do, and more than that, hated who i am.  ❞

❝  lots of tall tales. and more than a few ghost stories.  ❞

❝  oh good, you’re still here!  ❞

❝  reviewers absolutely grilled it:  said it was a nonsensical rip off of the dark tower, whatever that means.  ❞

❝  i jumped out the window. cut my hands on the glass, but thankfully not bad enough to need stitches  ❞

❝  i told her, tonight.  ❞

❝  for a minute, i wondered if that would really be so bad. it was a fitting way to go, given my… well, everything.  ❞

❝  i suppose that’s a universal constant—maybe the only one.  ❞

❝  i never let myself get this turned around. especially not at night.  ❞

❝  i don’t know if it’s actually haunted. but if not, then it was sure as hell convincing.  ❞

❝  i’m not one of those people who thinks she’s the spawn of satan or something ridiculous like that.  ❞

❝  unless i’m prepared to accept that she was murdered by something that crawled out of a funhouse mirror, this isn’t much help with the case, either.  ❞

❝  i have to try and work some actual cases the rest of the time. you know, cases that might have some answers i can find.  ❞

❝  it's cold, damp, and dark as night. i'm in my element, at least.  ❞

❝  your place is waiting for you.  ❞

❝  yeah, i’m all good. great… hanging in there, you know?  one day at a time.  ❞

❝  oh, i see you. you think i’m still scared of [thing], huh?  think you can freak me out?  ❞

❝  trust me, i’ve had a hell of a day, and you do not want to mess with a pissed off…  ❞

❝  and tell my sister i'm sorry.  ❞

❝  oh god, it's cold.  ❞

❝  the night sky really is beautiful out here.  ❞

❝  tell him he shouldn’t have been such a good liar.  ❞

❝  i’ve been listening to this for the last two weeks now.  ❞

❝  it’s not even that i’m having bad ideas. i’m not having any at all.  ❞

❝  can’t get away from the work, no matter what i do.  ❞

❝  i made sure i switched off my phone before i came up here, just in case.  ❞

❝  god, these things smell of weed.  ❞

❝  yeah, well… just wanted to make sure you’re okay, you know?  ❞

❝  [name] is dead. that's all there is to it.  ❞

❝  no, i need to get out of here. it’s been a long day.  ❞

❝  a lot of the art i found was just paintings of a night sky full of stars.  ❞

❝  my job is to look the facts dead in the face and find an explanation. one that will hold up in a court of law.  ❞

❝  personal and career choices, i guess you’d call them.  ❞

❝  damn. i could’ve sworn i felt something strange about this place when i hiked through this morning… or maybe it was a different part. hard to tell this late at night, anyway.  ❞

❝  well, let’s just say a middle-aged man-child running out panicked and tearing at his eyes would hardly be a marketable image.  ❞

❝  i didn’t mind that i’d be alone—i always expected that to be how i went.  ❞

❝  i’m sure that’s on my personnel file by now, as if it could get any more problematic.  ❞

[blue-heronstairs10]

R&R quotes I tabbed

*RUIN AND RISING SPOILERS*

key:

{…} = thoughts in book

(…) = my commentary

*…* = action

emojis = expressions

[…] = my subtitles

italics = it’s italisized in the books

-…- = not actually said in book

——————————————————————————————————

Apparat: he should not address you so.

Alina: why not?

Apparat: it was the Darkling’s title and is unfitting for a Saint.

Alina: then what should he call me?

Apparat: he should not address you directly at all.

Alina: next time he has something to say, I’ll have him write me a letter.

——————————————————————————————————

Zoya: are you ever going to name that thing?

Harshaw: she has a name.

Zoya: Oncat is not a name. it’s just Kaelish for cat.

Harshaw: suits her doesn’t it?

——————————————————————————————————

{David and Genya kept falling behind, but he seemed to be the one responsible for the lag. finally, Toyla hefted the huge pack from David’s narrow shoulders.}

Toyla: what do you have in this thing?

David: three pairs of socks, one pair of trousers, an extra shirt. one canteen. a tin cup and plate. a cylindrical slide rule, a chondrometer, a jar or spruce sap, my collection of anticorrosives,-

Toyla: you were only supposed to pack what you need.

David: *nods emphatically* exactly.

Alina: please tell me you didn’t bring all of Morozova’s journals.

David: of course I did.

Alina: maybe they’ll make good kindling.

David: is she kidding? *concerned look* I can never tell if she’s kidding.

Alina: {I was. mostly.}

——————————————————————————————————

Genya: David is oblivious. he’s been babbling about mineral compounds for the last hour.

Zoya: maybe he and Toyla will just put each other to sleep.

——————————————————————————————————

Harshaw: *cuts the sides of his scalp so there’s only hair in a single stripe down the center of his head*

Zoya: *shrieking* what did you do? you look like a deranged rooster!

Harshaw: Oncat insisted.

——————————————————————————————————

Mal: everyone okay?

Genya: never better.

David: *raises his hand* I’ve been better.

——————————————————————————————————

Mal: I am becoming a blade.

——————————————————————————————————

Ekaterina: I saw the prince when I was in Os Alta. he’s not bad looking.

Nikolai: *in the trees* not bad looking? he’s damnably handsome.

Nikolai: *still in the trees* brave in battle, smart as a whip. an excellent dancer. oh, and an even better shot.

Nikolai: *shoots Luchenko between the eyes*

——————————————————————————————————

Nikolai: first vomit, then tears. don’t tell me I’ve lost my touch.

Alina: I’m just happy you’re alive. though I’m sure you can talk me out of it.

——————————————————————————————————

Alina: thank goodness we had the foresight to be captured.

——————————————————————————————————

Nikolai: Saints, Alina. I hope you weren’t looking at me to be the voice of reason. I keep a strict diet of ill-advised enthusiasm and heartfelt regret.

——————————————————————————————————

Nikolai: we’re heading into Fjerda.

Alina: oh good. enemy territory. and here I was starting to relax.

——————————————————————————————————

Nikolai: it’s good to see you, Oretsev.

Mal: you too. thanks for the rescue.

Nikolai: everyone needs a hobby.

Mal: I thought yours was preening.

Nikolai: two hobbies.

——————————————————————————————————

Nikolai: Baghra, how are you this evening?

Baghra: still old and blind.

Nikolai: and charming. never forget charming.

Baghra: whelp.

Nikolai: hag.

Baghra: what do you want, pest?

Nikolai: I’ve brought someone to visit.

Alina: hello, Baghra.

Baghra: the little Saint. returned to save us all.

Nikolai: well she did almost die trying to rid us of your cursed spawn. 

Baghra: couldn’t even manage martyrdom right, could you? come in and shut the door, girl. you’re letting the heat out.

Baghra: *turns to Nikolai* and you. go somewhere you’re wanted.

Nikolai: that’s hardly limiting. Alina, I’ll be back to fetch you for dinner, but should you grow restless, do feel free to run screaming from the room or take a dagger to her. whatever seems most fitting at the time. 

Baghra: are you still here?

Nikolai: I go but hope to remain in your heart.

Baghra: wretched boy. 

Alina: you like him. *disbelief*

Baghra: greedy. arrogant. takes too many risks.

Alina: you almost sound concerned.

Baghra: you like him too, little Saint. 

Alina: I do. he’s been kind to me when he might have been cruel. it’s refreshing. 

Baghra: he laughs too much.

Alina: there are worse traits. 

Baghra: like arguing with your elders? *turns to Misha* boy, go fetch me something sweet.

(I’m sorry it’s so long it’s just,,, they’re so iconic and cute)

——————————————————————————————————

Alina: how does Nikolai know you’re the Darkling’s mother?

Baghra: he asked. he’s more observant than the rest of you fools.

——————————————————————————————————

Mal: I don’t reserve my friendship for perfect people. and, thank the Saints, neither does Alina.

(did mans just insult himself ?? 💀)

——————————————————————————————————

Genya: *talking about how David didn’t look at her before*

David: I know metal.

Genya: what does that have to do with anything?

David: I...I don’t understand half of what goes on around me. I don’t get jokes or sunsets or poetry, but I know metal. beauty was your armor. fragile stuff, all show. but what’s inside you? that’s steel. it’s brave and unbreakable. and it doesn’t need fixing. *kisses Genya*

Genya: 👁👄👁

Genya: *kisses David back empathcially*

David: *kiss ends* *😳😊*

Genya: *☺️😄*

(they’re the sweetest S&B couple don’t @ me)

——————————————————————————————————

Mal: you can introduce him to Ana Kuya.

Alina: I already unleashed Baghra on Nikolai. he’s going to think I stockpile vicious old women.

——————————————————————————————————

Mal: but I guess I’m the same selfish ass I’ve always been. for all my talk of vows and honor, what I really want to do is put you up against that wall and kiss you until you forget you ever knew another man’s name. so tell me to go, Alina. because I can’t give you a title or an army or any of the things you need.

Alina: goodnight, Mal.

(😳✋🏼)

——————————————————————————————————

Alina: *hits the side of a mountain with the Cut*

Everyone besides Baghra: *claps and whoops*

Baghra: hmph. they’d clap for a dancing monkey.

Nikolai: all depends on the monkey. and the dance.

———————————���——————————————————————

Nikolai: does Morozova strike anyone as a little…eccentric?

Alina: if my eccentric you mean insane, then yes. I’m hoping he can be crazy and right.

——————————————————————————————————

Genya: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Nikolai is growing on me. he’s nothing like his father. and the man can dress.

——————————————————————————————————

Nikolai: if you’re going to jump, at least give me time to compose a ballad in your honor. something with lots of sad fiddle and a verse devoted to your love of herring.

Alina: if I wait, I may have to hear you sing it.

Nikolai: I happen to have a more than passable baritone. and what’s the rush? is it my cologne?

Alina: you don’t wear cologne.

Nikolai: I have such a naturally delightful scent that it seems like overkill. but if you have a penchant for it, I’ll start. 

——————————————————————————————————

Zoya: toss him over. break his heart cruelly. I will gladly give our poor prince comfort, and I would make a magnificent queen.

Alina: you actually might, Zoya. if you could stop being horrible for a minute. 

Zoya: with that kind of incentive, I can manage a minute. possibly two.

——————————————————————————————————

{they wanted a Grisha Queen. Mal wanted a commoner Queen. and what did I want? peace for Ravka. a chance to sleep easy in my bed without fear. an end to the guilt and dread that I woke to every morning. there were old wants too, to be loved for who I was, not what I could do, to lie in a meadow with a boy’s arms around me and watch the wind move the clouds. but those dreams belonged to a girl, not to the Sun Summoner, not to a Saint.}

——————————————————————————————————

Genya: the day I curtsy to you is the day David performs an opera naked in the middle of the Shadow Fold.

——————————————————————————————————

Baghra: I am Morozova’s Daughter, and the Darkling is the last of Morozova’s line.

——————————————————————————————————

Alina: or a Ravkan heiress or a Grisha like Zoya.

Nikolai: Zoya? I make it a policy never to seduce anyone prettier than I am.

——————————————————————————————————

Nikolai: I love it when you quote me.

——————————————————————————————————

Genya: you’re the prettiest walrus I know.

——————————————————————————————————

Alina: turned out I needed a good cry.

Zoya: next time, invite me. I could use one too.

——————————————————————————————————

Zoya: do you know what Baghra told me at my first lesson with her? pretty face. too bad you have porridge for brains.

Harshaw: I sent fire to her hut in class.

Zoya: of course you did.

Harshaw: accidentally! she refused to ever teach me again. wouldn’t even speak to me. I saw her on the grounds once, and she walked right by. didn’t say a word, just whacked me on the knee with her stick. I still have a lump.

Nadia: that’s nothing. I had some kind of block where I couldn’t summon for a while. she put me in a room and released a hive of bees in it.

——————————————————————————————————

Mal: same way Ana Kuhn got me to stop begging her to keep a lantern lit at night. 

Alina: really?

Mal: yes. told me I had to be brave for you, that if I was scared, you’d be scared.

Alina: well she told me I had to eat my parsnips to set a good example for you, but I still refused to do it. 

Mal: and you wonder why you were always getting the switch.

Alina: I have principles. 

Mal: that means, ‘if I can be difficult, I will.’

——————————————————————————————————

Zoya: if you’re not up here before I count it ten, I’m going back to sleep and you can carry me to Dva Stolba.

Alina: Mal, if I murder her in the Sikurzoi, will you hold me accountable?

Mal: yes. 

Mal: that means, ‘‘let’s make it look like an accident.’

——————————————————————————————————

Alina: *being mad and realistic then apologizing*

Zoya: maybe you’re hungry. I always get mean when I’m hungry. 

Harshaw: are you hungry all the time?

Zoya: you haven’t seen me mean. when you do, you’ll require a very big hanky.

Harshaw: to dry my tears.

Zoya: to stanch the bleeding. 

——————————————————————————————————

Toyla: he watches her the way Harshaw watches fire. like he’ll never have enough of her. like he’s trying to capture what he can before she’s gone.

Zoya and Alina: 👁👄👁💓

Zoya: you know, if you turned a bit of that poetry on me, I might consider giving you a chance.

Toyla: who says I want one?

Harshaw: I want one!

Zoya: Oncat has a better chance than you.

Harshaw: *holds up Oncat* why, Oncat, you rogue.

——————————————————————————————————

Zoya: you really didn’t think they were ghosts, did you?

everyone: 😬

Zoya: I am surrounded by fools.

——————————————————————————————————

Harshaw: Oncat objects to the landscaping.

——————————————————————————————————

Alina: Mal is the third amplifier.

——————————————————————————————————

[TW: hanging]

{the oak I’d once climbed on a dare still stood, untouched by the fire that had taken Keramzin. now it’s branches were full of bodies. the three Grisha instructors hung from the same thick limb, their kefta fluttering slightly in the wind- purple, red and blue. beside them, Botkin’s face was nearly black above the rope that had dug into his neck. he was covered in wounds. he’d died fighting before they’d strung him up. next to him, Ana Kuya swayed in her black dress, her heavy rings at her waist, the toes of her button boots nearly scraping the ground.} 

Darkling: she was, I think, the closest thing you had to a mother.

——————————————————————————————————

(unfinished)

[drreidfics]

Dr. Reid and the Broken Girl pt1.

DR. REID AND THE BROKEN GIRL (Working Title)

Characters : SpencerReid x FemReader

Warnings : Abuse, Hints of Self Harm.

CAUTION // TW // THIS BOOK DEALS WITH MATURE CONTENT SUCH AS PROFESSOR AND STUDENT RELATIONSHIP, SEXUAL ASSULT, SELF HARM, MENTAL ILLNESS AND SUBSTANCE ABUSE. IT ALSO INCLUDES A LOT OF RATED-R MATERIAL. IF THIS IS TRIGGERING OR MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE THEN PLEASE DON’T READ.

Here I am again, on the floor, begging him to stop. There he is again, laughing at my pleas and forcing himself inside of me. Almost every night he climbs into my bed, then in the morning, he pretends everything is normal. When anyone is around, he acts charming. He is able to trick everyone into thinking everything is fine. Well, it's not.

My phone buzzed to life at the side of me. The alarm was going off but I had been up for hours, staring at the flecks of dust dancing around the air. The sunlight streamed in through my thin, white drapes. It was beautiful out. It was the middle of May and bound to be hot out in Arizona. I could feel the warmth on my skin already. I needed to shower and get all this sticky sweat off my skin. It wasn't even mine. I felt disgusting. His touch lingered everywhere on me. The bruises he gave me stained my skin more than the self inflicted cuts.

'Morning Ms. y/l/n. Last night was lovely. See you at lunch?'. It was a text from Mr Reid. He was my psychology professor. Older than me, at thirty, he had long dark hair and deep brown eyes. His hair curled slightly at the end. He was tall and slim. Smart and nerdy, having two degrees and a doctorate, he left his job at the FBI for something less mentally draining. He had worked there since he was twenty-two.  I was twenty-one making our age gap quite small. Look at me, trying to convince myself that it even mattered. He was a lovely guy. Friendly, and handsome. He wouldn't fall in love with a student, and if he did, that student would never be me. He was too smart for that.

"Morning Dr. Reid. Thank-you for taking me. It was a fun eve! Yes, see you at lunch. We can have a chat about the stuff we saw yesterday =)". I read the message over and over again before hitting send. I was nervous as I usually always say stupid things. My low self esteem affected me very much. I was twenty-one, already with one degree and going back to do another. I was still living at Sharon's and I haven't had a boyfriend. He texted me back instantly.

"Can't wait! Need a lift to school? =)" I smiled down at my battered iPhone 6. I couldn't afford a brand new phone. I was lucky in that I only had to work a few hours a week at the local book store and that it was something I enjoyed doing. Sharon was good to me. She helped me pay for and make my way through college. I don't know what or where I would be without her. On the other hand, she brought the human spawn of the devil into my life.

"No thnx, Luna is picking me up =)" I sent but then instantly regretted it. I love my best friend but I would have preferred a ride with Dr. Reid. Our conversations were always interesting and insightful. We could talk about a wide range of subjects for hours and it would only feel like minutes passed.

"Ok, see u soon Y/N"

I smiled, almost forgetting my problems before catching glimpse of myself in the mirror. My fragile, battered body stared back. I sighed. He could never find a girl like me attractive. Not that it mattered anyway. Silly little girl crush.

After debating whether it was best to just find the nearest bridge in town and throw my self off or get ready for school (I am very mentally unwell), I decided on the latter. Luna had already texted me to inform me that she was about to set off. Knowing Luna, which I have had the pleasure of knowing for fifteen years (no sarcasm in there), ten minutes would be ten years.

I staggered down the dreaded stairs, almost losing my footing a few times, feeling light headed. I entered the brightly lit kitchen. It was so bright that I could feel an aching behind my eyes. The decor was simplistic, all white with gold features. Classic business mom who is never home asthetic going on.

       Sharon sat at the island, face absorbed in her laptop. She was in her late forties with short, mousey hair. I believe she would be referred to as a 'Karen'. She looked nothing like Dom. She was short, like me, and fairly slim. He was tall and muscular with broad shoulders. Quarterback star player with the strength to show for it. He could snap us both in half. Dominic is Sharon's only child. Yes, that is correct. She is not my mum. I lost her.

Sharon looked up at me, flashing me a warm smile, still bashing the keys to her MacBook. She took a sip of her black coffee, nibbling on some cold toast. "You look like shit" she stated; matter of factly, her face blank.   '"Thanks?'" I answered with a raised eyebrow. I walked over to the coffee machine and put in a pod, sticking my travel cup underneath. 77Kcals of goodness. All the fuel I will need this morning. "Sweetheart, don't act like that. You know I'm just saying. You need to sleep more" '"I know" I sighed. It was true... "But that makes two of us" I retorted cheekily with a grin.        "Oh sweetheart, don't I know it" she raised her cup as if toasting the comment before gulping the last bit of coffee.

Sharon was my guardian, though not anymore as I was an adult and of drinking age. She still cared for me though as if I were her own. My mom died when I was seven and my dad had a breakdown. He couldn't cope. One day I came home from school and he was gone. He didn't say a word to anyone. He packed up his stuff and  left me. I hated him for a while. The anger within me burned to my core. After a while I felt sympathy. He didn't get the help that he needed. If he did then we both wouldn't be in this mess. We'd be happy - together. I doubt he would know how to contact me now.

Aunt Sharon took me in. She wasn't really my aunt, she was my mom's best friend. She was the only connection to my mother that I had left besides her wedding ring. She loved her dearly and I believe she loves me dearly too. It's not her fault she can't protect me. She works herself to death trying to help me live my dreams. Dom wasn't the child that she had always wanted. He is doing nothing with his life. That is something I will alway's respect of her, single mom raising her child and somebody else's.

I loved her, though she did have the tendency to dish out tough love which often was way - way too harsh. And she was always away leaving me with him. I knew that if I'd only just tell her what he was capable of... What he would do to me when she left... She'd have murdered him herself with her bare hands. But it would kill her. I couldn't do that to her. He was the only thing she had who was blood. Me, I had no-one.

"shit! Is that the time? I'm going to be late. I gotta go, honey. Say bye to Dom for me." she pleaded as she stuffed the last slice of toast in her mouth and gathered her briefcase and her keys. " ...And make sure you have something to eat. You're wasting away!"                                   "Have a good day at work Shaz" I shouted after her. I doubt that she heard me. She was out the door in seconds, jangling her keys and fighting between speaking with me and the ringtone on her work mobile. I heard her professional, scripted 'Hello, Sharon Cormack speaking' as the door slammed behind her.

I made my way through the spotless kitchen Gina, Sharon's housekeeper, always did a good job. I grabbed a bottle of water out of the integrated refrigerator. I also grabbed my iced latte from the coffee machine. It was almost half eight. My first classes start at nine and Luna still wasn't anywhere in sight. I scrambled through my purse for my phone, ready to give her a piece of my mind. That girl would be late to her own funeral.

"You're up early" a voice from behind me sneered. It took all my might to not to curl up in a ball, trembling.

"I... I have school"

No reply. I felt him creeping up behind me, felt his breath against my neck.

"I can think of something much better to do with the day baby"  he whispered as he planted acid kisses on my neck. It burned. I squeezed my eyes shut, putting my hands up defensively. He pushed my back into the counter. A sharp pain ran though me.

"Please stop. I have to go" I whispered as his hand snaked its way up my neck, fist knotting tightly in my hair.

'"Why do you think a whore like you has the right to tell me what to do, hm?"

'- Hello? Katy?'  Luna's smooth voice called out in sing song.

Oh, thank god for her and her timing. He released me from his grasp and increased the distance between us. His eyes were clouded. I could tell he was pissed. I brushed passed him, running towards Luna, who was standing by the open door. I ran straight into her arms hugging her tightly.

"I thought you'd never show." I whispered. She rested her chin on my shoulder, stroking my hair. I could tell that she was staring daggers at Dom and I could tell he didn't care. Like I said, the same routine. Every morning.

By the time lunch rolled around I had had enough. had gotten into a lot of trouble with Ms. Hallows over an overdue assignment and I had spilt water all down the front of my jeans. It looked like I had pissed myself. My saving grace is that they were dark jeans and so it wasn't too noticable. That didn't stop Georgie from laughing and calling me pissy pants for half the day.

Georgie was the kind of girl that you would avoid in high school. Everybody wanted to be her but everyone hated her so bad. She had golden brunette locks, a slim face and a petite nose. Her friends Nova and Ari were just as bad. Everyone used to tell you that when you left high school things would be different. I am sorry to inform you that they don't. Bullies stay bullies forever.

I forced my way through the groups of students, crowded together in the corridors. The last thing I wanted was to be late for my chat with Mr. Reid

"Y/N" I heard Luna calling after me. I could tell that she was chasing me through the crowd of students.  "Y/N. Look, Y/N stop." I rolled my eyes.

"What?" I snapped. I could see the hurt in her eyes. She leaned on the wall, panting. I sighed. "I'm sorry. What's wrong?" I asked. I felt bad for snapping at her. All she wanted was answers, like anyone would have after walking in on what she did. But I don't give answers. I shut down. I don't tell anyone anything. She tried talking once we got in the car. I ignored her and I ran once we'd arrived at school. She didn't even need to speak. I could just tell what she wanted to talk about from the look on her face. I sighed again.

"Luna, I can't talk about this right now."  I saw the hurt in her eyes. If I kept pushing her away then eventually she wouldn't fight to stay. 'Good', a small voice whispered in my head. Maybe that would be for the best. She deserves better. Everyone does. I could just end my life today and nobody would care. I used to fight hard against the suicidal ideations that entered my mind but now I didn't see the point.

"I have my meeting and I can't be late. Taco Bell after classes?" I asked. To my relief, she smiled and nodded, that beautiful smile that I loved so much. She was so easy to please. I smiled and walked away towards room 1980. Dr. Reid's office.

"I love you!" she shouted after me smiling.

"I love you more!"

"Lesbians" Georgie mocked. She was stood near the bathrooms. I rolled my eyes.

"Grow up"

Luna was gay but we weren't together. We had been intimate a few times but nothing had come of it. But so what if it had? We both agreed it felt weird as we had known each other as friends for so long. We didn't want to ruin anything. Luna and I had been friends ever since she opened up my juice box for me in kindergarten and then hit the girl who had stolen my straw. We had been inseparable ever since. She's been with me through thick and thin. I'd hate to think where I'd have been if she hadn't been there when my mom had died. We are and will alway's be the best of friends. In another life I could see us growing old together, adopting puppies and children but sometimes, it doesn't work out. And if you love someone, you have to let them go.

I opened the door to 1980 and as soon as I did my heart fluttered in my chest. There he was, as beautiful as ever. He looked up from the book he was reading, glasses perched on his nose and smiled, he seemed glad to see me.

"Sweetie!" he said, a smile spreading across his gorgeous lips. He's the only person who calls me that.

"Dr. Reid"  I smiled back. My smile was huge and I probably looked so dorky but I don't care. My day just got brighter. I pulled up a chair next to him and kicked my feet up onto his lap. He rested his hand on my calf.

"So what did you think to the book?"

[if-found-return-to-gusu]

Happy Birthday to Me pt 10

While he was gone, I kept dancing with A-Lian and making faces for her to giggle at. It worked quite nicely until she heard the obviously very familiar sound of her parents singing. Instantly deciding she was tired of her poor uncle’s antics in favor of wanting to be held by her mother (fair) I shuffled her along to the stage. She waddled the last few steps to her mom who immediately swooped her up. Jin Ling had already ascended to his rightful throne in his father’s arms again, his favorite place that evening it seems, and the two doting parents started to dance along with their song (which was, fittingly enough, “I wanna dance with somebody”. Pff)

Somewhere near the end of the song Lan Zhan finally came back with the promised sweets. He looked a bit concerned and mildly heartbroken to find that A-Lian was no longer with me. When he asked where she had gone I just pointed up to the almost obnoxiously perfect family picture on stage. (Obnoxious because of the peacock, and almost because Shijie is always perfect and never obnoxious.)

The king demanded that he get to sing a song so before they could be shuffled off the stage they were allowed to sing a rather off-key rendition of “twinkle twinkle little star” with A-Ling belting his little heart out and A-Lian babbling her best to follow along. 

It was so adorable that I had to look at something else or I’d end up crying again. So instead I started poking at the cake that was still being held by the steadfast Lan Zhan. 

I’d barely managed to shove a huge bite in my mouth when I felt a forceful yank, taking me away from my cake and my Lan Zhan! Unacceptable!

Turns out it was, of course, my darling little brother telling me it was my turn. RUDE

“YOu could have at least let me finish my cake, Asshole!” I grumbled at him once I was finally able to swallow the lump of frosting that had jammed my mouth shut. 

(Gamby yelled at me to watch my language so close to the kids. Oops. Sorry Gamby)

I got shoved up on stage then despite my continued protests. SangSang asked me what I wanted to sing and after a moment of thought there really was no other choice for me. 

Okay

I know it’s a meme. 

Okay I get it. Alright? He-Man and lol and whatever. Haha. BUt for real, 

“What’s Up” from 4 Non Blondes fuckig SLAPS okay?

And I’ve loved it WAY longer than it’s been a meme! Fuck you He-Man! (Yes I’m aware I used the meme in question on my blog once. I am a multi-faceted human being and am perfectly able to compartmentalize thank you).

So the song starts off pretty quiet but after a few seconds Gamby all of a sudden shrieked like an excited teenager and practically begged me to sing it too. 

So obviously yes, right? I’m not gonna say no to a duet with Gamby!

Oh it was so FUN! We were both really hamming it up in the best way and sometimes barely even able to sing it because we were trying so hard not to laugh. 

We had a stellar audience too, all looking comically enraptured by the song, swaying in time to the music. I think SangSang even pulled out a fake lighter ap on his phone to hold in the air as he swayed. 

The song ended to energetic applause and we both took our bows dutifully before  Gamby pulled me into another tight, tight hug. 

“It’s our song,” she said in my ear. “I used to sing this to you when you were just a sprout!”

FUCK

Okay hold on. 

Sorry the memory of it made me well up again. 

So you have to understand. I have always LOVED this song. Not just, like, liked it or thought it was fun or anything. I LOVE this song. Like top 5 forever. Maybe even number 1. Just. 

This song for me. It comforts me. I don’t remember anything from my early childhood but this song made me feel nostalgic. Safe. I found it when I was like… 15? 16? And just it was SO familiar. 

It turns out that Gamby and Mom used to sing it together with me all the time. The feeling I was getting whenever I heard that song. It was her. And it was Mom. The feeling I get from that song is the feeling of being loved by my parents. With no expectations. Nothing to repay. Just pure love. 

I don’t remember my mom. But I have that now. I have that feeling. 

Okay

Okay I’m fine. I’ve blown my nose and we can carry on. 

So I’d mostly re-composed myself by the time I found Lan Zhan again only to discover that he’d just stood there the whole time just…. Holding the cakes. 

I freaked out a little due to my honestly a bit overly-emotional. I took the cakes away and set them aside so I could rub his arms while scolding him. (Did I really do that? Why?? Ugh I’m an idiot)

I told him he could have put the cakes on the table or something and that his arms must be tired! I think I just wanted an excuse to touch him more.  But I was a bit high on adrenalynn and the liquor was still making me a little warm.

So I’m gonna blame it on that. 

While I made a buffoon of myself, Jiang Cheng and Huaisang did a cover of Meatloaf’s Let me Sleep on It. 

It was hilarious. They had taken the energy that had honestly started with “My Heart will Go On” and just cranked it all the way up to 11. It was so good to see Jiang Cheng just having FUN without having to worry what he looked like for once. 

He always has to be on his best behavior. It must be exhausting.

But now, with Nie Huaisang playing the part of the overly-pushy love interest asking him to ‘love her forever’ and Jiang Cheng pleading for more time to consider back and forth. Ah it was amazing. I rested my head on Lan Zhan’s shoulder while I watched it, feeling pleasantly warm and just honestly so loved. It struck me again just how many people had come here just to celebrate me. I still can’t wrap my head around it. 

I held Lan Zhan’s hand as I thought about it though, lacing our fingers together because I can and it’s free. I sighed after a while, just feeling so content. I told Lan Zhan as much and was rewarded by a hand playing idly with my hair. 

“I’m glad you are,” he said. I could feel the words rumbling in his chest. “You deserve to be.”

I looked up at him then, all indignant because how dare he ruin a perfect moment by embarrassing me like that (he ruined nothing. I just like being dramatic). But then I realized just how close we were and my protests just kinda never found their way past my throat. I traced every feature of his perfect face with my eyes, longing to do it with my lips instead. The urge was almost tangible. For a second it almost felt like I might die if I didn’t press a kiss to every part of his face I could. His forehead. His nose. His cheeks. His eyelids. His chin. His lips.

I leaned forward a hair when he spoke and broke the spell. 

Thank god.  

I think he asked me why I was staring or something. It’s the only thing that made sense, but I didn’t really hear him due to the fuzzy static in my ears. I got up quickly lest I fall into a stupor again. Curse you Lan Zhan. Curse you and your perfect face. I looked around the room to find something to latch on to and my eyes fell upon the tragically under-utilized photo booth!

It was one of those fancy ones you see at all the weddings and big parties now-a-days. The kind that’s a huge mirror that you can write on and with like the props and stuff. 

I immediately decided that there was nothing in the world I wanted more than to immortalize that frustratingly perfect face next to mine and I dragged him over to the photo booth. 

We had already agreed we needed to fix our ‘lack of selfies together’ problem after all, didn’t we?

By the time we got here, we’d been beaten to the punch by the beautiful Wens. Wen Ning and Wen Qing were making funny faces in the mirror with A-Yuan and aaaah my heart!

I don’t think I’d EVER seen Wen Qing pull faces like that. I’m so glad I get to keep those photos forever. With that in mind I realized I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to be included! So naturally I photobombed! Well. More I bodily shoved them to the side to make room for me to starfish in front of them.

I suppose I should have anticipated the vicious crack to my head even if it was my birthday. Wen Qing’s finger snaps are murder!

Mortally wounded, I crawled my way back to Lan Zhan so that I might at the very least die in his arms. 

I complained that Wen Qing was being mean because she was and that I was going to have a bruise on my forehead for the rest of the night! Mostly I just wanted to see if he would kiss it better for me. 

Except. 

He actually did. 

;ADFJ;LKSDJF;AJKF;ASLJF;JF

WHY MUST MY PLANS ALL BACKFIRE ON ME???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Wei Ying.exe has stopped. Please wait while we reboot the system.

Would you like to submit an error report? Yes | No

Oh I must have been so red. I was still riding on that ‘It’s my birthday I do what I want’ feeling though and it spawned the following word vomit. 

When he asked me if it felt better.

I told him

Yes

But.

“I think I need another kiss just to make sure. You wouldn’t want the birthday boy to be incapacitated for the rest of his party, now would you?”

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

AND OF COURSE LAN ZHAN WENT ALONG WITH IT AND KISSED THE SPOT AGAIN. BECAUSE HE ALWAYS INDULGES ME AND DOESN’T SEEM TO KNOW THAT HE SHOULDN’T BE ENCOURAGING ME LIKE THIS?!?!?!?

I heard the sound of the lovely Dr. Wen gagging behind me. Fair.

But then we were saved by my hero A-Yuan who ran up to hug Lan Zhan’s fucking anime legs and thanked him so sincerely for healing his Xian-Gege. 

“You’re so right, A-Yuan! He’s great like that!” said, kneeling down to pat  his back approvingly and ruffle his already party-ruffled hair. 

Then I noticed that we had somehow managed to edge into the frame of the photo booth and the countdown to the next picture had started. I tried to warn Lan Zhan to get ready but turns out that was the WRONG action. He looked up at the exact worst possible moment so when the mirror showed us back our picture it showed me yelling, A-Yuan looking into space, and Lan Zhan’s face morphed into a hideous slug monster. 

This set A-Yuan to giggling right away, claiming that his bunny gege was a monster!

Lan Zhan growled at him, playing along, which got me going.

LAN ZHAN. STOP. MAKING. ME. FEEL. THE. THING. I. AM. NOT. READY. TO. ADDRESS. YET.

FUCK

;LDKJFSA;LJKF;SKJDF;LKFJ;FLK

Lan Zhan is NOT allowed near kids anymore! My heart can’t take the strain!

To cover up my newest surge of emotion, I demanded we take some proper pictures! 

Wen Ning, angel that he is, took A-Yuan away so we could have pictures with just the two of us. Lan Zhan looked ready to protest, so for the sake of my poor heart, I pressed the ‘picture’ button to distract him. I gave him an arrow that said ‘birthday boy’ on it, which we barely got pointing in the right direction in time, and grabbed a lovely handlebar mustache for myself while claiming to be DaGe and told him to smile. 

Bless his soul he actually did. I don’t know how he manages to tolerate all my stupid antics. Somehow he always seems to be able to take me in stride while staying (mostly) unruffled. I should take lessons. 

The picture came out perfect! ♥ 

So Naturally I demanded a million more. 

We did a few with props and a few without. And some silly faces and some serious faces. And some faces that were so serious they circled back to silly.  Lan Zhan was a real champ and went along with all my hijinks. 

Then I remembered the tree incident that everyone yelled at me over. 

If he catches me I’ll…..

That sentiment was so strong. I don’t even know how that thought ends. I’ll what? 

I still don’t know. 

This time I at least gave him some warning. 

 I told him to hold out his arms so I could jump into him in a much safer recreation of the tree yeet. 

The picture snapped right as I landed in his arms and I remembered to look just in time so that I could grin at the camera and not Lan Zhan in an attempt to be slightly less obvious. When the picture came back though Lan Zhan was looking straight at me. Probably trying to make sure he didn’t drop me. But fuck. 

I’m keeping that one in my wallet once we get them printed. 

Apparently my leap got the attention of the rest of the party because suddenly EVERYONE was there. It was like a clown car with everyone squishing in to see how many of us we could fit in a single picture. Ah it was amazing. We grabbed some props for added panache and I managed to wrangle it so that Lan Zhan and I were still in the middle with all my friends and family squashed around us. 

In a brilliant idea on how to save space, I decided that I should just get as close as possible to Lan Zhan and gave him a big fat smooch on his cheek. I was rewarded when I saw the end result with what had to be the best picture ever taken. 

Nie Huaisang and Jiang Cheng had their hands in each other’s faces, trying to push each other out of frame, each of them barely managing to stay in the back corners of the picture. 

Below them and to the left, DaGe was looking entirely too pleased to be squished in that close to Lan Xichen who was holding at least 7 different props and looking ecstatically excited. Wen Qing and Shijie were next to each other on the front right, holding A-Yuan and A-Ling respectively. The four of them were holding up peace signs, their faces all close together to try to fit in the picture. 

Front Left was Jin ZiXuan with A-Lian, rubbing their noses together and looking admittedly adorable. 

The front center had MianMian and Qin Su making innocent doll eyes at the camera, their hands laced together and their cheeks squished up against each other. Directly in the back center Gamby and Aunty Yi were imitating them perfectly.  

To the middle right sat Wen Ning looking like he was just happy to be included. He’s such a sweetie. 

And right in the center of all that commotion was myself and Lan Zhan. I was planting the most obnoxious kiss I could manage on his cheek and he was grinning like the sun. 

Oh.

My God.

OH MY GOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

After celebrating the best picture ever made we all somehow managed to disentangle ourselves from each other, with many knocking elbows and a lot of laughter. 

[gravecinema]

Why The Lost Boys Made Us Want to be Vampires - 05/16/2020

The Lost Boys is one of the most classic and well-known vampire movies ever made. It is also what I feel to be the first representation of the modern vampire. The tagline of the movie says everything you need to know about these vampires: “Sleep all day. Party all night. Never grow old. Never die. It’s fun to be a vampire.”

These aren’t your classic vampires that you’ve seen in movies from years before. More than anything, The Lost Boys shows just how cool it is to be a vampire. You go where you want. Do what you want. Wear what you want and take what you want. Not to mention, you get to ride motorcycles with a pack of friends right off the beach boardwalk. If you were a teenager watching this movie for the first time, there were no cooler vampires than the Lost Boys.

Released in July of 1987 and directed by Joel Schumacher, The Lost Boys tells the tale of two brothers and their newly divorced mom moving in with their grandpa near the fictional beach town of Santa Carla, California; the so called “Murder Capital of the World.” The older brother Michael, played by Jason Patric, soon becomes smitten with the beautiful Star, played by Jami Gertz. Star just so happens to be a part of the local boardwalk motorcycle gang lead by David, played by Keifer Sutherland, and Michael soon finds himself embroiled with the antics of the boys as they make plans to initiate him into their club. Unknown to Michael, it just so happens to be a club of vampires.

Meanwhile, Michael’s younger brother Sam, played by Corey Haim, befriends two local comic book geeks named the Frog Brothers, played by Corey Feldman and Jamison Newlander, who try to warn him about the vampires, and that his brother is in danger of becoming one of them. Michael and Sam’s mom, played by Dianne Wiest, also starts a relationship with the mysterious Max, played by Edward Herrmann, who may have a history with the gang of vampires.

While Sam and the Frog Brothers hunting of the vampires drive the plot forward through most of the final act, it is our first interactions with the Lost Boys that really make the film memorable, and the classic that it has become. When a security guard kicks them off the merry-go-round at the start of the movie, the vampires retaliate by attacking and feasting on him later when he’s alone. The motorcycle ride on the beach with Michael shows the joy that the vampires express by doing whatever they want. They show their complete fearlessness and carefree attitude by hanging off a train bridge as a train goes by, all while trying to entice Michael to join them.

The most iconic scene has to be when they first take Michael to their underground lair, where they offer Michael to join in on having some Chinese food. David then plays some vampire mind games with Michael by making him believe that he’s eating maggots instead of rice, and worms instead of noodles. This is actually a very nice setup that David is playing on Michael, since when he offers him a bottle filled with the blood of their master vampire to drink to start Michael’s transformation into becoming a vampire, Michael then scoffs at Star’s warning that the bottle is filled with blood, believing that it’s just another mind game like with the maggots and worms. He then drinks it thinking it’s probably only just some wine. This whole scene is absolutely great and gets referenced many other times in other media. Most notably recently in the 2014 vampire movie What We Do in the Shadows.

The design of the Lost Boys is also a great influence for future vampire characters and stories. The distinct monstrous brow over their eyes that they develop when they transform their faces right before they feed is a technique also used again most notably in the movie From Dusk ‘Till Dawn, and the Buffy the Vampire Slayer television series. The popular bleached-blonde trench-coat-wearing bad boy vampire Spike from the Buffy series is also quite clearly highly influenced by the character of David from The Lost Boys. Spike was created in the 90’s though, so that glorious mullet that David had was left back in the 80’s where it probably most belongs.

The Lost Boys also has one of the best movie soundtracks ever. The signature song of the movie titled Cry Little Sister has been covered by many different artists and sets the perfect mood for the entire movie, starting with the opening title, and then later with Michael and Star’s sexy love scene. The song Lost in the Shadows that plays during the bike ride on the beach is also another fantastic mood setting song that really makes you want to hop on a motorbike yourself and ride alongside them. Also, no mention of this movie’s soundtrack can go without the truly iconic 80’s performance on the beach of I Still Believe by Tim Capello, who will forever be known to fans as the shirtless greased up muscled sax guy. I got to see Tim Capello perform I Still Believe as well as other songs at a convention recently, and the man still puts on a fantastic show.

The film also offers the viewer a visual lens of becoming a vampire through two different character perspectives. The older brother Michael seeks acceptance with the new crowd and longs for a relationship with Star. The younger brother Sam, influenced by the Frog Brothers and his comic books, sees the vampires as an evil corrupting force against Michael, and sets out to destroy them and the master vampire who may be controlling them. This allows viewers of differing ages to also enjoy the movie in different ways. When I was younger, I viewed the movie through the lens of Sam and wanted him and the Frog Brothers to successfully hunt and slay the evil vampires. Once I reached high school age, I was definitely starting to view the movie through the lens of Michael, and I would want to become the cool and sexy vampire and get the beautiful girl. I also suspect that once I get to the age of the Grandpa, I’ll probably be viewing the movie through his eyes as well. These lenses do a lot to help the viewer enjoy the movie at any age and helped to make the movie the classic that it has become.

It’s interesting to view the movie this way, since the characters of Michael and the vampire gang were supposed to be younger than they were portrayed in the final film. The initial concept of the movie was for it to be a sort of retelling of Peter Pan, only with the twist being that Peter and the rest of the Lost Boys were vampires, which is why they never grow old. Hence the title of the movie. Coming off the success of the Goonies, producers wanted another movie adventure with kids around the same age. It was when Joel Schumacher got directing duties that the decision was then made to age up the vampires and one of the brothers in order to make the movie sexier and to sell better to teens. The reasoning being that vampires are supposed to be creatures and metaphors for sex, and those themes would not play well with preteen characters. This change worked for the movie, since we still have that younger kid adventure story going on with Sam and the Frog Brothers, but we also now get the sexy part of the story with the older brother Michael and the gang of vampire Lost Boys.

The older content provided by the aged-up characters also presents us with some pretty fun and creative vampire death scenes. The scene where the vampires show their fangs for the first time to Michael gives us an intense moment where the vampires feast on a group of punks, with the punks basically being torn apart. The vampire deaths also get graphic with the Frog Brothers taking one of the Lost Boys out with a tub full of holy water. The most iconic death though without a doubt is the “Death by stereo” sequence. It is a moment and line so iconic that it has even inspired a song written about it. The Lost Boys certainly provides the viewer with a great deal of vampire slayage in the final act.

The death of David hits the audience differently though, since he is a very likable and charismatic character. He doesn’t explode when he dies like other vampires, and we’re meant to sympathize with him more. The character was so popular, he was even magically brought back in a comic book sequel to the movie. There’s a reason why the character of Spike from the Buffy series drew a lot of influence from the character of David. David is the absolute essence of cool when it comes to the Lost Boys and being a vampire. He’s the one character who makes us most want to be a vampire, and his death signifies a metaphoric death of that dream of becoming just like one of the Lost Boys.

The Lost Boys would eventually go on to spawn two direct-to-video sequel releases featuring the Frog Brothers in the later 2000’s, about 20 years after the original movie. They’re not bad sequels to watch for fans of the original and can still be entertaining at certain points, but they still come nowhere near to competing with the quality of filmmaking that the original film produced. That original film from the 80’s has continued to stand to test of time as being one of the true classics of the vampire genre. Many other great vampire films have been made since then and will continue to be made, but I doubt that any will quite make us want to become a vampire just as much as that motorcycle gang taking joyrides off a California boardwalk from 1987.

[cathyparrlyn]

Calling myself out, part 1

Just a little tid bit of me calling myself out, some of these are inside jokes, but I hope you all enjoy this. It will hopefully describe me as a person better cause I am not an amazing writer in real life, just a chaotic disaster that wants to hug her stitch plush.

Shout out to @toomanyfamdom @dannixy @all-my-love-cathy @little-bit-lost-and-found @boleynhowards @saria-malinas @flat-dr-pepper-chasers @shilly-shally-disaster @prisky0731 and @thatbolxyngirl as they would understand this post the most, lol.

And @lakes-other-sixes who is baby and I blame my sleepy brain for forgetting to add, I am sorry it’s like 5 a.m. here lol. I love you my holy body of water 💙💚

-

Me: Time to do something productive.

Also me: *stares at a wall for three hours thinking about my 28637026 parrlyn fic ideas cause I am a bi disaster who has sold their soul to this ship.* Or not.

-

Me: *insert random emoticon as a response as I am bad at texting.* perfect.

-

Me: B A B Y.

My online daughter who is both taller and more mature than me: no...

Me, almost 17 year old with no brain cells and is short: Y E S B A B Y. IMA HUG YOU. PREPARE TO BE HUGGED AKHSHEHHWJWJHSJEH I LOVE YOU

My online daughter: okay then.

-

Me: PRINCESS CAN NOT BE A STRIPPER.

Princess and baby girl and my smol bean noodle: but mom!

Me: N O! Not in this online fam!

An amazing bitch (they know who they are): *exists and pole dances*

Me: Fuck yeah, do what you want girl!

Princess: HOW IS THIS FAIR?!

Me: ITS NOT JABSNVENWBSJJSG

-

Me: BABY BABY BABY

Baby: MADDY MADDY MADDY? What?

Me: hiiiiiiiiiii. (8th time I have said hi to them in the past hour.)

Baby:....... hi?

-

Baby girl: *exists*

Me: my life has purpose, you are beautiful and I shall protect. You could do no wrong. If you murdered someone and blamed it on me, I would be fine with it.

Baby girl: *holds up scissors*

Me: N O.

-

Me: They are so coo-

Baby: I’m not a them.

Me: ajgshshsvjsbsjjsbsk WHY AM I DOING THIS???

-

Me: Morning!

Baby: it’s 1 p.m.

Me: time is a meaningless concept.

Also me: also, I went to sleep at 5:30 a.m. because fuck consistency and a healthy sleep schedule.

-

Me: *tells my friends they are beautiful*

Also me: I AM A DEMON SPAWN THAT WAS ACCIDENTALLY SUMMONED FROM HELL WHEN SOMEONE MESSED UP MAKING A MUSTARD SANDWHICH!

-

Me: I have an idea! Let’s add it to the parrlyn fic list!

The lists word count for just (insert AU!AU):

Me: *texts online six friends* I think my brain has a problem.

Also me: *laughs at 69*

-

Me and my fake wife: * yelling arguing for ten minutes on a group chat call about a show we only know.*

Also me and my fake wife after agreeing to take the argument to our dms: *has a civil discussion and continues to talk about the show and have a fun while we lead the fake fam to think we were arguing and at each other’s throats for a whole hour.* Lol.

-

Me: Precious smol chaotic bean noodle! I write poetry.

Them: It’s good.

Me: shush. No you.

-

My fake wife: you are so evil.

Me: but evil is hot?

My fake wife: yes..... but like, please don’t.

-

Me: I love you.

Theyby: you shouldn’t but thanks, I love you too.

Me: ACCEPT MY LOVE OR I SHALL THROTTLE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT BY HUGGING YOU AND COMPLIMENTING YOU UNTIL YOU SMILE YOU BEATIFUL HUMAN PERSON.

Theyby: False.

Me: I made an oath to only tell the truth. Newspaper.

Theyby: I know.

Me: I mention it a lot.

Theyby: yeah, you kinda do.

-

Also me from last post: human person? How is English my first language.

-

Me: *has all these angst ideas.*

Also me: *has only published fluff.*...... I didn’t think this through.

-

Me: my writing sucks.

Everyone else: maddy no.

Me: Maddy yes.

-

My son: Dale is the best boi, I am the okayest boi.

Me: No, you are the bestest boys and precious, I love you baby boy, let me hug you through this phone.

Also me: *continues to kill him every time we play Minecraft as he has mob skin and I joke pretend he is a mob.* I love you!

Him: Why do I deserve this, my arms [virtual] are now glitching.

Me: I’m a great mom!

-

Me: my crush gave me a bed time, so ima follow it cause I’m whipped.

Me: *after losing my crush* let’s sleep at 6 a.m. tonight.

-

Somebody: *literally says anything.*

Me: *bursts in out of nowhere* I have a parrlyn idea.

-

Me: ima have over 100k on this fic.

Also me: *continues to talk about fic, but doesn’t write anything. If I do, it’s a future chapter that can’t be posted until my current chapter is done.* .......Fuck.

-

Me: *sees fanart of Cathy in a stitch onesie.* :0000

Me: *one month later sitting in a stitch onesie.* I have accomplished in life.

-

Everyone else: *answers a question with one word.*

Me: *answers same question with three pages of words for content*

Also me: *wonders why everyone is staring and refers to me as the one in English with a 96*

Also me again: *giggles at 96 being the flipped version of 69*

-

Me: *asexual* good howdy dandy morning you beautiful lovely people who I graciously call my friends as they deserve the world and make me smile! Have hugs.

Also me: *inserts a sex joke at any occasion and teases my online friends as the annoying introvert I am.*

-

Me when I accidentally hurt any of my children in the most minor way: I have failed you, for I am a terrible, awful, horrendous person who doesn’t deserve to succeed in life.

Them: Nuuuuu.

Me: I am the worlds biggest disappointment.

-

Nobody: ......

Me: So Katanna is totally perfect for an insert fic with Tangled, agree or perish.

-

No one:

Me: ha ha, I’m no one, read my user.

-

Not a single soul: .....

Me: LETS ENTER THE CHAT IN ALL CAPS WITH A BUNCH OF EMOTICONS CAUSE I CANT TEXT LOL :D ;) :P :333 :0 ^0^ ;-;

-

Me: *bored* let’s call myself out.

-

Me, my first time entering the tiefs chat: Hi you all, you are so amazing and beautiful and I am so happy to be here. Let me give you hugs. Your writing is amazing, if you ever need help or just need to rant, I’m here.

The group chat: #MaddyTheHypeMom.

Me:..... Well I feel called out, but I can’t deny it. This is it. I am the hype mom. I shall adopt all of you, I don’t care if some of you are 5 years older than me. I am the mom now and I will love you all.

-

And finally~

My online chat peacefully minding their own business:

Me sending a text to them: 😇

Them: oh god, this can’t be good.

[lotornomiko]

Dark Enchanted Forest AU That I don't Yet Have A Title For Chapter Two (worksafe)

Still hasn’t reached the dark fic level....but warnings as with chapter one, this WILL have some non con/forced seduction/rape and other dark themes...but not in this chapter!!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26137747/chapters/63588682

It was never more brilliant than in moments like this, the light alive in her green eyes, and burning with an open defiance. With that desperate anger, and an inner borne strength, it left the Darkness with no doubts about just what it was dealing with.

“Beautiful…” It breathed out the word with a tongue long unused to such flattering words, the Dark more intimately familiar with uttering vile promises, and snarling with rage. But then it had never had real reason for much of anything else, everything so weak and unworthy when compared to this. The vision with that glow about her, the small super nova of pure and unabashed light that once seen could never be forgot. Nor did it want to, the dark transfixed by the light, by its wholesome purity and natural warmth.

It left the Dark One wanting to bask in its presence, to curl up and around it like a dragon hoarding its greatest treasure. It wanted MORE than that, the darkness needing to take so fully from the light as to devour it from shining head to delectable toe. Possessive to a fault, the dark creature wanted to OWN this light, every last inch of it, from the inside out, to the body who played host to it, to the soul it was interlaced with.

That was the vessel’s one and only saving grace, the light she was blessed with, the reason why the woman wasn’t dead on the forest floor. The light marked her as special, and painted a target effectively on her back. She was branded and beaming, and so unequivocally HIS. Now more than ever, the dark ready to toss his head back and laugh, that taunting sound one of pure victory, the light reborn in a form that the dark could now possess.

Made giddy with that realization, and the thoughts of what would soon follow, it was that elation AND the pain of a sword piercing true the heart of the Dark One’s host, that afforded a slim window of chance. Another being inside him began to stir, one Killian Jones reluctantly opening HIS eyes after nearly two decades of sleep.

“Ow.” said the man swallowed up by the dark, but that complaint was more angry than hurt. It was his eyes that blinked against the blinding light, his hand that raised to shield THEIR eyes from the vision before them. The dark snarled at the human’s impertinence, Killian Jones showing more initiative than he had in a good long century.

The dark turned furious, and ever a jealous thing, made a grab for the light that was still working on stabbing them. Weak though the effort was, it would have proven effective, had the creature that light was up against, been something that could actually DIE. It couldn’t. Not from that sword, not from any of those arrows, not from anything those pathetic mortal hands could devise. The dark, an absolute being, would ALWAYS exist, in one form or another, so long as a single human knew fear, knew hate, or greed, the many violent desires, the angry little impulses, and the innate terror of the unknown. It was that of their undesirable natures that had called the eldritch being into existence, the dark one borne the first time the first human had shown fear.

That fear the palpable scent that had called to the dark from out of the primordial ooze, it had brought with it the corruption and lust that has plagued humankind. Every last undesirable sin, the Dark One has been there for it all, spawning wars, causing untold devastation, as human after human ultimately turned on one another. Stealing, murdering, even torturing, it had been an unbridled chaos for so many a millennia, the people thrust into a nightmare seeming without end.

With no hope, and no chance to do—be better, the people had been in need of a savior. They got one in the form of a Goddess like no other, that ethereal shine that blazed brighter than any sun, splitting into the dark, bringing kindness and daylight to a humanity that had been suffering. She was everything the dark was not, so beautiful and sublime, and so uniquely her own.

The Dark lusting for the first time ever, could not be beaten back fully by that light. Anymore than that bright beam of purity, could be extinguished by the dark. They were forced to coexist, the light the yin to the yang of the dark one. Just like the cycle of night and day, the dark was in perpetual chase of that sun, its greedy nature one that had a violent want, a need to possess so fully the light, and spirit it away from the eyes of all.

For many a millennia, a status quo had existed, the dark’s evil corrupting influence, somewhat tempered by the light of day. Calmed but not snuffed out completely, man an inherently wicked creature by nature. The light tried to be the guiding force needed, but with no real tangible presence to either of them, the humans soon moved on, forgetting that there was more to the night, and more to the day.

Abandoned, the light neither held a grudge, nor grew forgetful of those people, so young and child like in mind, when compared to the two beings who held such immense power over them. No longer acknowledge, both the light and the dark merely existed as whispers in ears, the light full of love and encouragement, sparking a great many things, works of arts, whole civilizations, love and an appreciation of all life, hers was a message of hope and peace that the darkness ever sought to distort. Where her love saw great teeming cities born, the dark’s lust had those kingdoms fight, war devastating the land and everyone around it.

The dark wasn’t satisfied with just wars. It was crazed for the light that was never in true reach, and its impotent fury at being denied, backlash onto the humans, in creatively cruel ways. A new kind of murderer was born, a depraved mind that got off on the ritualistic killing of people, no rhyme or real reason behind such an act except to cause new found heights of suffering among what the light considered her children.

Serial killers, rapists, torture most foul, the lust and greed to expand an empire, to take everything from another, all ideas the dark planted in the depths of human kind. Husbands turn against wives, parents against children, abuse of all kind being birthed, the dark determined to make depraved all that which the light had gifted to the people.

Rampaging wild and free, the light could tolerate no more the dark’s cruel nature. The dark remembers that too, the day when the final straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back, came. The elation that it had felt, the euphoric feeling to finally be a few steps in reach of the trembling light. They had no real forms, lacked any true substance to them, and yet the dark crowded in close all the same. Eating away at the edge of the light’s shine, coming closer and closer, coiling around it as a thick wispy smoke that would cover and snuff that brilliance from the world.

Ready to take the light for its own, the dark moved those last inches, eager tendrils reaching for that purity. There was no hesitation, only greed and the need to possess, to be the soul keeper of the light. The warmth the dark experienced at that first touch could have melted glaciers, so potent a heat was it, leaving the darkness to purr and bask in its strength.

It had been a strength the darkness should have heeded, a danger there it had not taken notice of. It curled closer and tighter around the light, until only a sliver of it was left to be seen, and THAT is when it had happened. Such power unlike anything the dark had expected, that warmth a violence unbecoming of the light. It beat back the dark, sent him torpedoing a great distance into a mountain which decimated on the spot.

At first, the Dark One was confused, not understanding why such an impact could be FELT. The dark, like the light had no tangible form, all ethereal smoke and effervescence brilliance. He struggled beneath the crumbling ruins of the mountain, felt the dust from the wreckage settle thickly on his BODY. An inhale brought with it smoke that made the darkness choke, its eyes watering in response as bit by bit, the realizations came. Two arms, two legs, a torso, a head and a beating heart.

“What have you done...” A cracked voice demanded. “What have you done…!?” He stared up at a light that was dwindling, falling down in a shower of these faded remnant that could barely be called sparks. At the sight of them, the last dying breath of the light, the dark lurched forward, barely registering his speed. Trying to catch hold of any and all that he could reach, the exhausted remnants of light faded from existence, leaving only a warmth that quickly cooled into cold metal.

Its fingers curled around it, uncaring of the way the blade bit and bled its skin. That unwanted heart beat a thunderous sound, deafening the dark to its screams, the creature raging, barely able to comprehend, the light gone from this world. The dark one was besides himself, hating the light for its trickery, but also feeling an emptiness inside it at its loss. The dark so bereft and inconsolable, could not do anything but mourn, an inhuman sound of pain bellowing throughout the cosmos.

The dark knows exactly to the day, how long it has been since the light left him. Can count it down to the exact second, entire millennia having passed, the dark left to rampage and riot retaliation upon the light’s beloved children. It mattered not what form he wore, what human hosted him, the dark always found a way to ultimately corrupt and overpower its bearer, discarding bodies as easily as one might trash.

Filth that he considered the humans to be, it was not just the dark who took notice of the light. Of the form it now inhabited. It felt the man’s appreciation, and the dawning horror at the sight.

“No...No...No!” Killian Jones screamed from inside, trying to wrest control of a body that was no longer truly his. The dark held them still for this, turning inwards as though to slap the human inside him quiet.

“I can’t do this...” Killian Jones whispered in a broken tone of voice. “I can’t be the instrument that lets you torture and kill yet another!”

The dark bared its teeth in a snarl, more than a reprimand held in its claws. It scraped those sharp tips over the man’s SOUL, heard the satisfying sound of his pained response. Between that and the all too real sword piercing Killian Jones’ heart, the man was in a world of hurt.

“Stop it...” He begged, weak as ever. “STOP IT!” It was no strength to stand up to the power backlash off of the creature so wholly in control. Inside the vessel, the human that hosted the darkness, fell to his knees in sobbing pain.

Satisfied with the sight, the dark turned its attention back to the light. It was still as brilliant a gleam as ever, all gold and shining, with a tiny hint of jade peeking through. It was beautiful, a stunning vision fit only for the dark, its lips curving into a wicked smile.

“Caught you at long last.” Came the taunt. Its hand around the light’s delicate wrist, began to squeeze, and a gasp from its host was heard. She could not maintain her grip on the sword, and the dark did not relax its punishing grip, pulling her off balance, even as wispy tendrils of ink black smoke began washing over that weapon.

“Just WHAT were you thinking?” The Darkness demanded, the sword melting into nothing with a demonstration of power. “Coming here with a weapon you know can do no damage.”

“I...I had to try.” Came the pained answer, the Dark One still squeezing her wrist just short of breaking. “Someone has to...someone WILL put an end to you and your reign of terror!”

That wasn’t the light, the dark grabbing its host by the throat, cutting off her words and her air. “We BOTH know better than that.” It leaned into her, breathing in the scent of her sweat and fear, a tongue snaking out to lick a cheek clean of a single tear.

“Sweet.” The Darkness moaned. “As I always knew you would be.” Its fingers squeezed to the point of bruising, the light starting to flicker and dim. The shine went down to the point even the human could see, a despairing Killian Jones taking note in a detached kind of way, the woman’s beauty.

Long golden blonde hair, those jade green eyes that were currently welling up with tears, the pale skin made an angry pink as lushly pouting lips choked for air. Desperate and dying as she was, there was a fight to her, her free hand scrabbling at the darkness’ fist, her legs kicking out, a foot trying for the wound in his thigh. The darkness felt none of it, shuttling the pain off to the human inside, the howling screams of one Killian Jones echoing in its ears.

With that sound inside it, the dark was able to admit to the finely crafted form of the light, this human a fitting representation of what a Goddess should be. It purred its approval, pressed its body against hers, and only then did it relax its grip.

To the sound of her desperate breaths, the dark nuzzled its nose into the golden sunshine of her hair, felt the warmth flowing off of her, and let loose with its greedy nature. Hands that had just been hurtful and violent, now roamed with a blatant impudence, feeling up the shape and form of its Goddess made real, the darkness intent on learning every new inch of her.

It heard the gasp, the outrage laced in that sound. “I am Emma, Princess of Mist Haven and you will RUE the day….”

“Emma...” It tasted the name on its lips, heard the sultry purr of its voice repeating it. The Dark One liked having her name, for with it came power, and control, no one knowing better than the Darkness what magic a name could wrought.

“Kill me if you will...” The woman continued. “But know you will bring the wrath of my kingdom itself upon your head!”

“Kill you?” The darkness arched a brow she could not see. “I am not going to kill you, Emma of Mist Haven…” It leaned into her face, so close their lips could almost touch. “I’m going to KEEP you.”

“Wh...what?” Came the shaky breath, and inside the Dark felt Killian Jones lifting his head. His voice was an echo of the princess, but even more shocked, for the man had witnessed the Darkness kill tribute after tribute for longer than he cared to remember.

“You’re mine now...and I keep what is MINE.”

“N...No. I’m not yours!” protested the woman. “I will NEVER be yours!”

With those words, the fiery gleam of defiance blazed in her eyes, the woman glaring and fighting, the light that came from within her, growing stronger. The darkness couldn’t stop staring, memorized by that beautiful brilliance, a fight within the woman that was all her own, Emma of Mist Haven kicking, even biting at the lips so close to hers.

“Oh ho ho….” The Darkness breathed out a chuckle. “She is PERFECT. For you and for ME!”

A scream was its answer, frightened, but under laying the fear, was that strength of anger and pride, the woman fighting more, flailing out with her arms as though searching for a weapon, even as it caused her pain, the wounds inflicted earlier bleeding even more.

The light inside her seemed to flicker angrily, as though it was reacting to the woman’s distress. Supporting it, supporting HER, the light trying to bolster this princess with all the strength it could lend. The dark narrowed its eyes at that, watching and thinking, and coming away with the realization that the light was no longer a real match in power when compared to the dark and its host. They were strong in physicality and brute force, while the light and its host, seemed to focus all its strength from the spirit.

Defiant though they were, they sputtered and sparked more like a kitten than a cat. All bluster and bravado, there was not a thing the light could do, now that it had finally be found. And that suited the dark just fine, the woman pulled into the shadows, those inky wisps of tendrils covering them both.

-----------------------------------------------------------

To Be Continued…

Hmm...not sure whose point of view will be next chapter. Maybe it will be a double one...Not sure if this is a good spot to end a chapter on, but it felt like otherwise it would turn into the chapter that NEVER ends.

Had some dark and light origin in here, but this is only touching the tip of the iceberg so to speak. Haven’t really gotten to it being a DARK fic yet though….but hopefully its building to there…

Wrote this one on only four hours sleep too...X_X

---Michelle

[ahs-source]

Happy Friday! Thank you to those who submitted these fantastic works for this week’s Fanfiction Friday. Let’s celebrate these wonderful works, please check them out and share them if you liked them to spread the love!

Apocalypse Won. (WIP) by tenebrisaeternam (AO3) / @noxaeternum​​​​ (Tumblr) Relationships: Michael Langdon x Cordelia Goode | Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Post-Apocalypse, semi slow burn?, almost like a Hades and Persephone au but not quite?, there will be smut, Eventual Smut, there's some science in this that may not be accurate, don't hate me for that | Last Updated 2020-02-22 (5/? Chapters) | 14008 words | Canon Divergent

In the showdown at Outpost Three, Michael is victorious and takes the only witch left alive back to the Sanctuary with him.

I’ll Come Back For You (Completed) by drowning_ophelia (AO3) Relationships: Michael Langdon x Reader | Tags: Reader-Insert, Antichrist, Original Fiction, Michael deserved better | Completed (5/5 Chapters) | 15075 words | Canon Divergent

Not even your wildest imagination, your impossible dreamscapes, could have prepared you for finding your savior in the man who was none other but the spawn of Satan. Michael Langdon

is there no way out of the mind? (WIP) by burnthevvitch (AO3) / @burn-thevvitch​​​​ (Tumblr) Relationships: Michael Langdon x Mallory | Tags: Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Stalking, Obsessive Behavior, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Sexual Content, Mild Gore, Attempted Murder, Kidnapping, Stockholm Syndrome, Dubious Consent, Past Abuse, Violence, Killing, Psychological Trauma, Character Death, Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Movie and TV References, Bad Ending, Bittersweet Ending, sort of??, last but not least, A little bit of projection, Slow Burn, Sorry Not Sorry | Last Updated 2020-03-02 (5/? Chapters) | 12902 words | AU / Modern Day

The only thing Michael will ever have is his own isolation⎯ the one thing that will never leave him. Until the day, he saw her.

Fix You Series (Completed / Part of Series) by Lobo_Steele (AO3) / @crossdressingpirate​​ (Tumblr) Relationships: Michael Langdon x Mallory | Tags: Michael Langdon/Mallory, Michael Langdon, Mallory (American Horror Story), Bad BDSM Etiquette, Light Dom/sub, Subdrop, Aftercare, Ambiguous Slash, Hand Jobs, Come Eating, Frottage, Non-Canon Relationship, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Not Beta Read, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Angst, Alternate Universe - Time Travel | Completed (7 works) | 16125 words | AU / Post Canon Divergent / Time Travel

“You have bruises.” Mallory looks at Michael in confusion. The shape is familiar. “Are those fingers? Michael, did someone choke you?”

He shrugs. “They’re not that bad.”

Mallory notes his evasion. She wonders what he might have done to deserve them. She loses a few minutes admiring the dark smudges.

How hard did they squeeze to coax such a shade from his tanned skin? Did it hurt?

Did he like it?

Keep the Nightlight On (Completed) by jotunblood (AO3) / @cryptid-coalition​​​​ (Tumblr) Relationships: Michael Langdon x Mr. Gallant | Tags: Nightmares, Pining, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Canon-Typical Violence, Ghosts, Knives, Blood Kink, Kissing, Sleep Deprivation, Psychological Horror | Completed (1/1 Chapters) | 12768 words | Canon Divergent

Outpost 3 was haunted, both by what’d died there and what wouldn’t.

Obsidian & Angelite (Completed) by zeciex (AO3) Relationships: Michael Langdon x Reader, Michael Langdon x Original Female Character | Tags: Character Study, Magic, Evil Power Couple, Power Dynamics, Dark Character | Completed (18/18 Chapters) | 95895 words | AU / Canon Divergent

Oya has spent centuries bound to one single plot of land when one day a stranger with a voice of velvet and presence that can only be described as dark and outmost interesting, comes with an offer she can't refuse and suddenly her entire world changes, both for better and worse.

But what does Langdon need of her? And how can she use him to get what she want? Maybe they're bound by something bigger than fate.

Sunspots (Completed / Part of Series) by ellebelle9 (AO3) Relationships: Michael Langdon x Mallory | Tags: Alternate Universe, Michael trains with the coven AU, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, might get smutty???, slight animal horror, michael langdon is an actual feline who leaves terrible gifts, dumb soft teenagers in love, kinda slow burn, Canon-Typical Violence, oops it got smutty, millory, major character death followed by major character resurrection, this will have a happy ending if it kills me, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, big hades & persephone vibes, Everything Hurts and I'm Dying, side foxxay, everything was beautiful and nothing hurt | Completed / Part of Series (Part 1 of the Sunspots AU series - 29/29 Chapters) | 55433 words |  Canon Divergent

The tall, blonde boy stepped forward and held out a hand for her to shake. He had a cordial smile and eyes that were shockingly blue.

“Michael Langdon,” he offered politely. Something deep in Mallory’s chest fluttered and screamed to back away.

She did not want to touch him, she felt as if the earth might end if she did.

(Alternate Universe where the warlocks agree to send Michael to Robichaux to train under Cordelia. Michael meets Mallory and is set on a different path.)

Take me Home; (through fields of Deceivers) (Completed / Part of Series) by ASOUEfan (AO3) Relationships: Wilhemina Venable x Reader, Wilhemina Venable x Original Female Character | Tags: Dom!Venable, sub!Reader, Back Pain, pain control, Psychological Trauma, Angst and Feels, Grief/Mourning, Eventual Happy Ending, Situational Humiliation, Light BDSM, Heavy Angst, So much angst, Vaginal Fingering, Orgasm Denial, Stripping, Abuse of Authority, Non-Consensual Touching, Sort Of, Langdon coerces her lets be honest, Kneeling, a little bit of choking, A lot more choking, Non-Graphic Violence, Shooting Guns, Angst with a Happy Ending, With A Twist | Completed / Part of Series (Part 3 of the A Saga of Solace and Sacrifice series - 12/12 Chapters) | 51576 words | Canon Divergent

Sequel to Say it Again. (This is the same reader as Say it Again. So dubbed Doctor!Reader.)

6 Months after the events of Say it Again, the Reader has managed to ease Wilhemina Venable from her pain medication, but in doing so takes the mantle of not only managing Miss Venables physical pain, but her psychological grief. For in discovering Miss Venables loss she can make sense of her behaviour and hopefully, help her through it.

But the arrival of Michael Langdon at Outpost 3 does nothing except worsen the situation; taking away Miss Venable's position as head of the Outpost, humiliating her during her Co-operating, and dropping a terrible lie that will lead Wilhemina down a dark path of revenge.

If he is lying, at all...

when I wake up (let me breathe) (Completed) by catbrains (AO3) / @gallabstract​​​​ (Tumblr) Relationships: Michael Langdon x Duncan Shepherd | Tags: Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Internalized Homophobia, Self-Esteem Issues, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Dom/sub, Sub Duncan, Dom Michael, Violence, Asphyxiation, takes place after house of cards 6x5, duncan has a lot of issues, michael is perhaps not the best, this timeline doesn’t really make any sense at all I know | Completed (1/1 Chapters) | 7087 words | AU / Canon Divergent

After learning the truth about his own identity, Duncan Shepherd flees to a bar to drown his sorrows and pick up a pretty face. He certainly finds one in Michael Langdon, but he finds a lot more, too.

would you like to stay like this forever? (Completed) by SophieGraceJ (AO3) Relationships: Michael Langdon x Mallory | Tags: millory, midsommar au sort of, just the aspects of harga and the fiddler, and of course the may queen, and the dance, Death and the Maiden, because i'm obsessed with that trope, Inspired by Hades and Persephone (Ancient Greek Religion & Lore), Culture, May Day celebration, Swedish culture, Hårgalåten, zadison, foxxay - Freeform | Completed (1/1 Chapters) | 2230 words | AU / Midsommar Inspired

The witches celebrate the Swedish holiday of May day, partaking in the May Queen dance as a lesson on darkness and light and the harmony of them both. Mallory meets a man she knows as the fiddler in the Harga folktale, and the evil they were warned about. She realizes she is more susceptible to temptation than she thought.

Thank you to those who sent in these works! Please continue sending submissions to ahs-source.tumblr.com/submit or through the Tumblr mobile app to continue celebrating the writers in the community!

[ficnation]

𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 𝟏

☁ 𝐍𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐆𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 ☁

☁ 𝐀𝐒𝐊 𝐁𝐎𝐗 ☁

1. “I apologise in advance for the inconvenience my murder is going to have on your life.”

2. “I hate you.” “Why? I’m lovely.”

3. “Murder wasn’t on today’s agenda.” “It’s not on anyone’s.” “No, it’s on mine, just not until next Thursday.”

4. “Hold on, you died.” “Yeah, well it didn’t stick.”

5. “This is my life now. I have climbed this hill and now I will die upon it.” “Shut up. We’ve only been hiking for twenty minutes.”

6. “She’s crying, what do I do?” “Go comfort her.” “How do I do that?” “Start with hugs.” “With what?”

7. “What’s our exit strategy?” “Our what?” “Oh my god, we’re all going to die.”

8. “I’m going to need chicken blood, a knife, a lighter, and a bottle of vodka.”

“Vodka? For the bonfire?”

“No, that’s just to make me feel better about going against (Name)’s command.” (changed)

9. “Are you clinically insane or incredibly annoying?” “I don’t know, probably both.”

10. “I saved your lives.” “How? By stealing our freedom?” (changed)

11. “It takes a very special kind of idiot to pull off what you just did.”

12. “I’m getting really tired of pretending I’m not evil.”

13. “Did you just agree with me?” “Oh I wish I could take-” “Nope! You said it! No take-backs!”

14. “It’s a long story.” “You conned me into thinking you were dead for eleven months. I have time.”

15. “I regret a lot of things. Having this conversation tops the list.”

16. “I had a thought.” “Oh no.” “I swear it’s a good one this time!’

17. “(Name), open the door!” “No. It’s cooler when you break in.” (changed)

18. “Do you think they remember you?” “I sure hope not after what I did the last time I was here.” “What did you do?” “You’ll find out.”

19. “You look…” “Beautiful, I know. Can we move on?”

20. “You scared me!” “Well, I am naturally terrifying.”

21. “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”

22. “I’d take a bullet for you, you know that.” “You’re not indestructible, and I’m going to kill you if you keep saying that.” (changed)

23. “You really have no clue who I am?” “You’d think the confused looks and blank stare would have answered that for you.”

24. “I am way too sober for this.”

25. “You don’t strike me as a professional criminal.” “That’s what makes me so good at it.”

26. “I don’t think of you as a protector. More like a distraction.”

27. “We have five people trying to kill us right now, what are we supposed to do?” “Actually, it’s more like eight.” “Oh, sorry I wasn’t specific enough!”

28. “If you could even comprehend where I’ve come from, you would be terrified of me.”

29. “I saved your life!” “You pushed me off a building.”

30. “You know we’re not all born with the ability to be a leader, right?” (changed)

31. “How do we keep getting into these situations?” “Eleven years of friendship and I still don’t know.”

32. “Did you hear that scream?” “Yes, I’m the one who screamed.”

33. “Are you SURE I can’t punch him in the face?” “Yes.” “What if I just break his nose a little?”

34. “You are remarkably well behaved tonight. What did you do?”

35. “You’re-you’re crushing my spleen.” “You don’t even know where your spleen is.”

36. “I’m no detective, of course, but I think this dead body might not be alive anymore.”

37. “Right now, I don’t know if I want to kiss you or shove you off a bridge.” “Can I pick?”

38. “The real treasure was the memories we made along the way.” “I almost died!” “Ah yes, that was my fondest memory.”

39. “I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you!” “And I’m trying to subtly avoid it!”

40. “Hey, I didn’t kill anyone today!” “What do you want? A gold star?”

41. “I hate you.” “Why? I’m lovely.”

42. “On a scale from one to ten, how bad do you think it would be if-” “At least a twenty.”

43. “Literally everything about this would be illegal in the old world.” (changed)

44. “Seven billion people in the world, and you’re overreacting because we killed one man.” “But-” “Seven. Billion. People. Now quit the complaining and drink your smoothie.”

45. “It’s not my birthday.” “It’s definitely your birthday.” “Give me a calendar. It’s not and I will prove it to – oh. Never mind. Happy birthday to me.”

46. “On a scale from one to ten, how bad do you want to kill me right now?” “I’m hovering somewhere in the high thirties.”

47. “I can fix that.” “I’m calling a professional.” “I’m a professional.” “A more professional, professional.”

48. “What’s the word for that infestation of tiny creatures over there?” “Those are children. That’s a school.”

49. “I have a concern.” “Just one?” “No, but I didn’t think you’d let me speak my piece if I told you how many I actually have.”

50. “Why are you glaring at me?” “I’m hoping you’ll spontaneously combust.”

51. “If we die, I’m going to spend the rest of our afterlife reminding you that this was all your fault.” “That’s cool, I wouldn’t mind having company while being a ghost.”

52. “What are you so afraid of?” “You.”

53. “What is that THING in your backpack?” (changed)

54. “I hate the sight of blood.” “Then maybe you shouldn’t kill for a living.”

55. “All that blood looks good on you. It really brings out your eyes.”

56. “Want to see what kind of trouble we can get into?” “Oh god, we’re going to die, aren’t we?” “It’s a Tuesday, I know how to restrain myself.” “You absolutely do not.”

57. “I don’t give a damn.” “You give so many damns they’re visible from SPACE.”

58.  “It’ll be easy. You just have to seduce them.” “You’re kidding, right? I’m about as seductive as a cabbage.”

59. “You’re not as evil as people think you are.” “No. I’m much worse.”

60. “That’s a terrifyingly accurate drawing of us.” “It’s almost like I’m good at what I do.”

61. “You have no power over me.” “You sure about that?”

62. “This isn’t good.” “How can you tell?” “See how they’re slowly surrounding us? And they all have guns and knives and I think one guy is carrying a machete?”

63. “He’s right behind me, isn’t he?” “Actually he’s right in front of you.”

64. “I’m not a thief. I’m just really good at acquiring things that aren’t mine.”

65. “I’m not completely human anymore. Remember that next time you want to punch me in the face.”

66. “Is that blood?” “No?” “That’s not a question you’re supposed to answer with another question.”

67. “I never stood a chance, did I?” “That’s the sad part – you did once.”

68. “It’s okay, I’m here.”

69. “I’m not going to leave you.”

70. “Everything is okay.”

71. “I’m going to protect you.”

72. “I believe in you.”

73. “Do you feel guilty? Like, at all?” “I don’t have time to feel guilty. And neither do you.”

74. “Stop that!” “Stop what?” “Doing that thing with your face when you’re happy. It’s making me nauseous.”

75. “What are you doing?” “…Eating.” “We’re being held hostage and you decide to raid the kitchen?” “They didn’t say the fridge was off limits.”

76. “Is that a dead body?” “Maybe?” “It is. I can see it right in front of me.” “I promise I’ll clean it up before dinner.”

77. “If we’re going to get out of here, we’re going to have to work together. After that, we can go back to killing each other.” “Oh, fine.”

78. “That’s not funny.” “I thought it was.” “You don’t count. You started laughing in the middle of a funeral because you started thinking of a meme you saw on Facebook.”

79. “Do we need wine?” “No, I need wine, you need to put your pants back on.” “But life is so freeing without them.” “Pants. On. Now.”

80. “Can you please go be stupid somewhere that’s away from me?”

81. “I feel like I’m being stabbed.” “How do you even know what it feels like to be stabbed?”

82. “Will you be quiet?” “I didn’t say anything!” “Well stop thinking so loud.”

83. “Did you get my note?” “Of course I got it. You taped it to my forehead while I was sleeping.”

84. “You’re a psychopath.” “I prefer creative.”

85. “Why do people keep trying to put this blanket on me?” “Because you’re in shock.” “That doesn’t mean I need a blanket. It means I need booze.”

86. “Oh no.” “What is it? What happened? Who died?” “I think I just felt an emotion.” “You have GOT to be kidding me.”

87. “When all this is over, I want my sanity back.”

88. “That’s definitely not true.” “Of course it is. I read it in Encyclopedia.” (changed)

89. “You forgot me.” “It was an accident.”

90. “Why do you keep risking your life? To prove a point?” “Yes.”

91. “I would like to join you in acknowledging the difficulties of your life.” “You are the WORST at this comfort thing.”

92. “You’ve got to stop doing that.” “What?” “Saying things that make me want to kiss you.”

93. “Look, if you want to conjure some demon spawn from the great beyond, that’s all fine and dandy. Just wait for me to leave before you start.”

94. “Just calm down!” “My arm just got cut off and you want me to calm down!?” (changed)

95. “You know what they say, panicking burns a shit ton of calories.” “Who even says that?” “Me. Just now.”

96. “Don’t mind me, I’ll just be in the corner, having another existential crisis.”

97. “Oh my god, I had the exact same dream!” “Really?” “Are you crazy? Of course I didn’t.”

98. “I need to go de-stress.” “Where are you going?” “To demolish the living room.”

99. “I think I’m having a feeling. How do I make it stop?”

100. “I’m bitter and complicated. It’s one of my charms.” “I don’t think you know what that word means. Or how to count.”

101. “Well? What happened? I want all the details!”

102. “You always think you know what you’d do when faced with the end of the world. Me? I went home and took a nap.”

103. “Damn it, why aren’t you obeying the laws of physics?”

104. “I’d hug you right now, but you’re covered in evidence. And I also really don’t want to.” “Evidence is a really nice euphemism for blood, gore and guts.” “You’re totally missing the point. Do you know how pissed I am at you right now?”

105.  “This way is more efficient.” “This way is going to get us killed.”

106. “You’re not my favourite person today.” “I’m not your favourite person on any day.”

list by @fictionpants

[iammarylastar]

1. Alone amongst brothers.

"Cal! Hey mate where are you?" Snowballs clicked his fingers under his nose, startling him.

Bad idea. Never startle an ex cop ex Marine who hadn't slept for years.

Chris -his real name was Chris- came out of his reverie and offered a poor smile to his brothers. Obviously missing his goal to reassure his squad.

Who was he kidding?

He hadn't been here for years. For 3 years. 3 fucking years.

He hadn't been the same since he came out of prison. Since his brother, his real brother fled to Canada, to never return.

Since Oyster, his little brother killed that asshole in a bar.

Thinking about it, all this shit had started after their mother died.

Big, huge mess she had left behind.

He reluctantly came back to the world, that world without his mom nor his brother, that world where he's a useless piece of shit, forbidden to serve his country in any way.

Reverie couldn't have been more inappropriate. Living nightmare would have fit better.

"Next round on me." Jaeger announced with too much enthusiasm.

"Same?" He quirked an eyebrow at Cal, who just nodded, not bothering to say a word.

He didn't need another beer. Alcohol free. Taste free too. He'd been nursing the same bottle since he settled his ass in the bar, mind absently scratching the corner of the label with his nail.

He had been sentenced to 6 years and spent 3 at Pittsburgh Correctional Institution. He got a release, good behaviour. He'd been lucky, somehow, half of the prisoners were there because of him. Death had waited for him at every corner, but freedom hadn't tasted better.

A lot had happened in 3 years. Life had gone on whilst his had stopped behind the bars.

Snowball found his soulmate Carlo, Jaeger finally got Claire back, they married last year and were expecting their first child. Milk spawned two boys, fuck he'd been out for a long time.

Brotherhood meant leave no one behind. He had Oyster's back, he did what had to be done to save his brother from jail. Sentencing himself, ruining his own life.

He got nothing left. No wife, no family. Sure, his bros had always cared, hanging out, working out, having him in for all their kids birthdays, family barbecues, even last Christmas when Claire and Jaeger announced the good news.

They all exploded, hugging Claire and clapping Jaeger's shoulder, whooping and cheering like madmen.

He was genuinely happy for both of them and tried to ignore the stab in his guts.

For once he wanted and was in the mood to celebrate. Till his eyes landed on the blessed couple's wedding pic pinned on the wall, then spotted another showing his brothers in uniform, proudly posing with the groom.

Stab.

He wasn't there and it killed him.

Claire told him they got a seat settled in his honor and it hurt more deeply.

He had missed so many events, so many people.

Oyster.

He had spent most of his miserable life to raise his little brother -half brother but who cares?- kicked his ass every morning to have him secured at school, kicking his own ass to quit both grief and booze and pass his exams to assure them a future.

Look what future both fucked up.

If only he could have the slightest news of him, knowing his brother was fine and safe somewhere in Canada, a letter, a call, an emoji on whatever social media... but no. The cops were still looking for Oyster for Ben Daley's murder and as a cop -ex cop- he knew he and his mates have been under surveillance since day one.

Oyster had been MIA for 3 years with no chance of brightest days.

And he was left alone with nobody to care for and nobody to love.

His sentence had him kicked out from the police department, along with his staff sergeant status. No job. No rules to give rhythm to his days. No incomes but a few light works here and there in the neighborhood. The people he knew always put in a good word about him and hopefully people didn't ask for his criminal record before hiring him for fixing their roof, painting their fronts or uprooting a tree stump.

Yeah he had a lot to add to his resume: by-the-book cop, dauntless staff sergeant in the Marine corps, 2 rounds in Iraq, baby sitter and groundskeeper. Impressive.

"Man, look at this chick over there." Milk nudged him. "She's been eyeing you like she's willing to drop her panties for you."

Cal finally lifted his eyes and glanced at the girl in question. Thin, sexy, a blouse full of goodies, gaudy red lipstick, prying eyes.

Maybe he needed to get laid. He hadn't had sex since he came out of prison. His mates planned a party to celebrate his freedom and got him a working girl for the occasion but he wasn't in the mood.

He hadn't been interested in sex, not after what has happened in prison, not even a quick handjob while watching a porn. No. Scratch that. He's been forced into lame and painful wankings when his balls threatened to explode, but it was no fun at all. Far, far from it.

A slight nausea invaded his throat of the reminder and he forced the thought out.

Double sentence. If he hadn't suffered PTSD after what he did and witnessed in Iraq, then he got his trauma.

He might never use his cock again. Playground out of order. Broken.

"Nahhh... She looks cheap. Guys I don't need another blind date, you know. Your Tracy girl was crazy, she scared the shit out of me with her earlobe-licking... fetishism." Cal rubbed his earlob with a disgusting frown on his face, having all his skwad laughing out loud, wiggling all tongues out.

"Listen Cal. You need to get laid. You need a good fuck to come back to life. You're hot stuff still, you just need to pick up some gorgeous chick and have some fun! Before your dick just deceases from dehydration." Jaeger joked, hilarity ensued.

He looked around the crowded bar, tired. Tired to pretend he could be interested in that kind of date.

He didn't need a one night stand. He didn't need some cunt to fuck. He needed someone to love. And be loved in return.

Like the ol'time when he lived with his mom. Or with Oyster. He needed someone who cared.

"Thank you guys but I'm tired. I better go home and get some sleep. Need to wake up early and..."

His lame excuses got cut off by an angry Milk.

"Oh yeah, because you do have so much to do tomorrow, don't you? Cleaning up the house and walk Mrs Riley's pet? That's why you're leaving your brothers now? Cal, when are you going to get rid of this shit and be alive again? It's been 3 years already, move on for fuck sake!"

Cal didn't blink. He deserved to be scolded by his gang. He's been no fun, nothing more than a burden for them. A big piece of shit, whining about all he'd lost. Poor thing. Soon he'd lose them.

He was whining again. He's got the best friends he could dream of, people he could call his brothers, who were totally devoted to him, heart and soul.

His family. His home.

Those guys made it all easy for him while his time in prison. Paying him a visit each week, twice a week when they were off. They paid for his lawyer, his loan for the house so he wouldn't be homeless when he got out of prison. So he didn't have to break into his savings and get ruined in 6 months.

They did it in a heartbeat, without thinking nor asking for his permission. They told him it was the right thing to do. The same way Cal had them home, safe and sound after their tour in Iraq. Beside Jaeger's leg, abandoned there. How guilty he had felt, and still.

He owed them... everything.

He leant on his elbows and rubbed his face. He considered staying and trying to relax and have some fun, but his mood was definitely shitty.

Time to shake his thoughts and his big ass. He survived the war, survived in jail, he could survive this night.

"OK fuckers. But I don't want to bury my future here." He emptied his drink, slammed it loudly on the table.

"Let's get home and shake the walls!"

He grabbed his other beer and clinked glasses with his mates, and chugged it whilst his bros cheered and downed their own drinks.

"Last one at my mailbox is a loser!" Cal jumped on his feet and started running through the door.

"Ohhhh, you bastard!" Milk shouted, running after him, quickly followed by an enthusiast Snowball.

Jeager rolled his eyes and took out his wallet to pay the bill. He wouldn't win anyway, his fucking metal leg was no match for those big machines.

The three guys were messing around by the front door, playfully wrestling to pass first.

Cal jammed Milk's head in between his bulging biceps and disheveled his neat hairstyle, having him struggling even more for his freedom, grunting with rage. Snowball was stuck against the wall, the two heavy guys struggling were keeping him to head towards the door.

In a joint effort to get free, Snowball and Milk pushed Cal with all their strength until he popped out like a Champagne cork, sent flying against the wall. Just as the door opened on someone coming in.

Cal ended up glued to them, pinned on the wall, crushed against his broad chest.

"Whoah, whoah, whoah! What the hell?" A muffled voice came from underneath Cal's body.

"Holy shit, I'm sorry!" He apologized, peeling his body from a smaller and thinner one.

His hands flat against the wall, each side of a face. A beautiful face. Still blurry, he was too close to focus.

Never too close... he thought. Her smell itself made him stop.

"I'm sorry!" He uttered, forcing a step back. Finally able to focus on delicate features.

"I'm fine, I'm fine...uh, hey... I'm Jessica. " She said in a big grin as she rearranged the strands of hair away from her face.

"Nice to meet you..." She started, inviting him to introduce himself.

"Milk, nice to meet you gorgeous." The bastard spoke first, getting on Cal's business, more than happy to embarrass his mate.

"And this is Snowball" he continued, shamelessly stepping on Cal's toes and bluntly pushing him to the side.

"Ma'am!" Snowball bowed before an amused Jessica, glancing at the three boys with a smirk. "Please, accept our sincere apologies. I hope this giant idiot didn't hurt you when so roughly trying to get your attention."

Jessica let her eyes wander at the big stud's body and face, making sure it didn't turn into a stare. The man was built like a brick house, huge arms, solid chest, his short hair suggested he was a cop or a soldier, his handsome face obviously annoyed by his friends' demeanour. His gorgeous self nodding his head while pressing his so soft looking lips together. She felt her heart stop and her inside melt when they locked stares. His blue eyes were captivating and something slapped her in the face. Through his hilarious expression and attractive features, he looked so... sad and lonely. So much she wanted to pull him in in a hug and never let him go.

She forced her eyes back at the two dummies still making the show for her.

"And this!" Milk nudged his pal, "this is Chris Callahan, the man you need.

The thoughtfulness itself, well, when it's not nearly killing you, this guy is not only strong, courageous and handsome, thanks God he's also single."

Cal wanted nothing more than vanish from embarrassment after getting rid of that motherfucker of a so called best friend. On a definitive way.

But the more Milk was blurting his shit out, the more Jessica looked amused and kind of interested in him.

Eyeing him. The cutest smile on her lips. Which she bit when she finally was caught staring.

"This big sweet heart is to take darling, and you'd be a fool not to try your luck with him."

Milk got a little closer and lowered his voice "I heard he's got amazing skills, like... look at the size of his feet!"

The 2 guys barked a laugh, clunching at each other while Cam just chuckled and sighed, more uncomfortable than ever. Jessica shared the guys big laugh then winked at Cal, before glancing down to judge their size by herself.

Milk wiped the tears from his face, oh Lord he loved making fun of his mate so very much. Calming down his panting, he stepped back, still hooked to an exhilarated Snowball.

"If you want to excuse us mylady, we're up for a male race contest, where the loser will have to walk butt naked the entire week." He said, bowing out at Jessica, then stepping out of the bar with renewed loud laughs.

Cal just shifted uneasily on his spot, figuring out a way to stop looking like the dumbest guy on Earth.

"Sorry... That was... pretty awkward, wasn't it?" He shyly tried, mentally kicking in own ass to not have found something clever to say.

"Found it very funny actually, you guys made my day!" Her genuine smile cheered him up a little.

"Those guys are total weirdoes, please do not believe a single word of what they say." Cal flashed one of his best smile, pretty sure it would work for him.

"Seems your friends think very highly of you. The resume they made of you is quite appealing, you know." She made it sounds like a joke but couldn't help wondering about that nice guy, nice looking guy all in embarrassment in front of her.

And the size of his... feet.

"Yeah... Well, wait to meet them once they're not drunk and you might hear a different story." Cal shoved his hands deep in his pockets. Looking so cute.

"So... Cal, I'm looking forward to hang out with your smartass group of friends, and hear all kind of stories about you, I bet each more embarrassing than the last!" Jessica's fingers were playing with a strand of her hair against her will, flirting.

And it seemed this didn't get unnoticed, by the way Cal's stare lingered on her delicate features.

"I... I've got to go and look after those drunken asses before they get into more trouble. I won't stop hearing of it if I don't beat them tonight. It was so nice to meet you and again, apologies for so rudely bumping into you."

Chris scratched the back of his neck, torn between two options. Stay and risk to embarrass himself more and more, or leave and risk to never see her again.

"It's OK, Chris I'm fine. We would find a way to make it up for nearly knocking me down earlier. Go get them, we could meet another time. I'm new in town but I'm here for some time, let's catch up later!"

Chris chuckled, mumbled a cocky "sure!" through an enormous grin, dared to throw a wink at her before turning heels and walked out of the bar.

"I hope you lose!" She shouted at him as he reluctantly started to jog towards his mates.

"Thank you...?" Chris turned to face her again, walking backward, wearing an astonished expression. That was not the kind of support he expected.

"I may not know much about you, but I figured seeing you walk up the streets butt naked could be fun!"

Chris couldn't help the large grin taped on his face to turn into a big smile, that charismatic pant-dropping smile that had been MIA for years was finally back.

As he jogged back to his drunken brothers, in absolute no hurry, a light in heart, he felt like that stupid smile wouldn't leave his face for quite a while.

[risingmoonyue]

An Unconventional Relationship!AU

I uh... I made a thing.

Basically, I read Lucid Dreams on FF.Net, and their cover story spawned this monster of a plunny. Expect stuff in the future, cause I have a fic in the works and at least one presentable piece of fan art (btw it’s fem!Shin)

[EDIT: this was very obviously made before movie 27 was a thing lmao. For the sake of this post pretend it doesn't exist.]

xxxx

Long story short, Yukiko, Yuusaku and Chikage got waaaaaay too drunk

I mean, it wasn’t like what happened was originally their idea

It just sorta

Happened??

After way too many shots of way too strong alcohol??

So like

After they’re all drunk, they have a thought

Together they’ve got a son (Kaito) and a daughter (Shinichi)

They’ve both got secret identities

They’ve both got a particular dislike for the color black

And one’s a detective and the other’s a magician-thief

What’s more romantic than that??

And clearly they would make amazing beautiful detective-magician-thief grandchildren

So obviously they need to get married

So right after this, they all go on a mega wedding dress/suit shopping trip

Which basically means they spent millions on outfits they were gonna wear once

And probably no one was gonna see if the actual people in question had any say in it

Which

Let’s be real

They probably don’t

Then they go ambush their kids, like, three hours before school starts

And proceed to kickstart one of the most unconventional relationships known to mankind

Purely out of a fit of drunken madness

So, on Shinichi’s side—

Look, she’s had a long day, and it was barely five AM

She was up till three in the morning reading detective novels Ran definitely would never let her read in any normal circumstances considering she’s kinda still seven right now

Got probably less than two hours of sleep

And then she woke up to Edogawa Fumiyo stumbling into their house

Slurring a random excuse

And just

Leaving

Without her coffee

She only got one cup a month now because “it’s bad for kids to drink coffee, Conan-chan!”

And now she’s being dragged off

Without her coffee

And her parents aren’t giving her any answers (as usual)

They’re kidnapping her instead of talking to her like normal people (as usual)

And they decided to include her in their drunken, fanciful whims (as usual)

Really, she’s not sure why she’s surprised anymore

So, after getting no answers and being dragged off into a car ride that miraculously didn’t end in any collateral damage, she’s shoved into a building so fast she can’t even tell where she is

And finds out, hey, they apparently got a temporary antidote from Haibara—and were shoving it down her throat giggling gleefully she wants to run away now why would Haibara betray her like this???

And shoved into a big, poofy wedding gown

And suddenly, she is so, so suspicious

About where she is

And what they are doing

And very much hoping she is wrong

Because mom, dad, what the f***

(And this sounded way too much like them for her liking—)

She still didn’t have her coffee da** it!!!!

And on Kaito’s side—

To be fair, he’s had a better morning

Of sorts

If only because this isn’t the first time she’s been so drunk shenanigans happened

That usually ended in traumatized people

And I mean, he’s already a mind breaking, rule of physics ignoring magician-thief

He breaks minds everyday at school

Just look at Hakuba!

What’s the worst that could happen?

Well, apparently, the worst was her taking away ALL his supplies

ATTACKING his hair

GRAPPLING him into a suit

And waging PSYCHOLOGICAL WARFARE on him

Saying things like “you’ll absolutely definitely positively love this idea!

And “this is the best idea we’ve ever had!” (Who is the “we” in this equation???)

Really, all he wanted was to prank people a little. Maybe look up Aoko’s skirt. Avoid a witch that kept trying to seduce him. Destroy a jewel of immortality. Simultaneously catch the people that murdered his father.

Was that so much to ask?

Well, MOM, apparently it WAS

Seriously, where were they and why was she shoving him into a suit and where are they going now???

Kaito had a feeling he wasn’t gonna like this any more than all the other times Chikage went three sheets to the wind

And finally, the moment of truth—

So like, they are all finally in the same room

And Shin-chan and Kaito finally see each other

And are like—

“Please don’t tell me this is what I think it is”

And their parents are like—

“Oh honey, it’s exactly what you think it is”

Just……. very drunkenly

With gosh darn tears in their eyes, sniffling while daintily dabbing said eyes and whispering about how this was the happiest days of their lives

Shinichi and Kaito take a moment to share commiserating looks for having to deal with parents like this, because what the f***????

“You too, huh?”

“Yeah.”

So they end up being forced to sign the marriage contract

Because they both know their own respective parent(s)

And they knew they weren’t going anywhere until it was signed

And Shinichi was kinda on a time limit

And would like to know at least what kind of husband she was stuck with (what was her life???)

So they sign the contract to get on with their lives

And go out for coffee and hot chocolate

Because she STILL hasn’t had coffee

Kaito wanted to drown his woes

And they both needed to sit down and talk about what the frick they were gonna do now

Because marriage

And of course Shinichi “Corpse Magnet” Kudo strikes again cutting their talk short

And Kaito learns very quickly what the rest of his life is gonna be like

By the end of it, her time is up, and she’s running off while shoving Kaito her number like—

“Here’s my number gottagohavefunbyeeeeee—”

And Kaito’s just standing there gaping like a fish finny thing thinking “wat dafudge???”

Que months of nervous step-toeing around secret identities—

“Hey, I saw this seven year old that reminds me of you!” “O-oh really? That must be Conan-chan! Great kid, that girl, wish I could see her but I’m not here! At all! Definitely not!” “Uhhh…. okay?”

“Hey, you’re a magician right? Do you do stuff like Kaito KID?” “Yeah, KID-sama’s my idol—” “And Hakuba keeps saying you’re KID??” “I HAVE LIKE THREE ALIBIS I SWEAR SHIN-CHAN HAKUBA’S JUST A STUPID MEANIE HEAD DON’T LISTEN TO HIM—”

Trying to secretly protect each other from suspiciously similar super secret organizations—

“Oh hey, look at that black fedora guy, he has cool hair—” “OH LOOK A COFFEE SHOP I WANT COFFEE LET'S GET COFFEE!”

“At KID’s heist Conan-chan tells me there was a guy with a handlebar mustache, do you know—?” “HA HA FUNNY GUY I THINK THAT WAS JUST AN INTERESTING FAN I’VE SEEN HIM AROUND HE’S A JERK THOUGH YOU BOTH STAY AWAY FROM THAT MEANIE—”

And learning to read each other waaaaay too well

“So today I played a great prank—!” “You put Hakuba into a dress, dyed his hair red, pink, and green, then taped him to the ceiling. Later, you flipped Aoko’s skirt, replaced all the furniture with origami replicas, and screamed like a little girl after Aoko made fish for dinner when you guys got home.” “.....Shin-chan, are you stalking me~? I knew I was amazing but—” “Don’t push it.”

“Oh, I went on a walk today, it was gorgeous!” “Three bodies, two in a river one from the sky.” “......... Kaito. If you sent your stupid birds after me I swear—” “IM NOT STALKING YOU SHIN-CHAN HONEST—”