#little less passionately???? like i am right here???)

[thegardengrows-infrozenrain]

this is what the next album will be called won't it /j

[scooter-sketch]

Reposting this for shits and giggles bc I don't expect asks about this lol. But I'll answer some in the tags

Weird Questions for Writers (because writers are weird)

1. What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting?

2. If you had to give up your keyboard and write your stories exclusively by hand, could you do it? If you already write everything by hand, a) are you a wizard and b) pen or pencil?

3. What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed?

4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

5. Do you have any writing superstitions? What are they and why are they 100% true?

6. What is your darkest fear about writing?

7. What is your deepest joy about writing?

8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go?

9. Do you believe in ghosts? This isn’t about writing I just wanna know

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

11. Do you believe in the old advice to “kill your darlings?” Are you a ruthless darling assassin? What happens to the darlings you murder? Do you have a darling graveyard? Do you grieve?

12. If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don’t make the rules

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

14. Do you lend your books to people? Are people scared to borrow books from you? Do you know exactly where all your “lost” books are and which specific friend from school you haven’t seen in twelve years still possesses them? Will you ever get them back?

15. Do you write in the margins of your books? Dog-ear your pages? Read in the bath? Why or why not? Do you judge people who do these things? Can we still be friends?

16. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark?

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

20. If a witch offered you the choice between eternal happiness with your one true love and the ability to finally finish, perfect, and publish your dearest, darlingest, most precious WIP in exactly the way you've always imagined it — which would you choose? You can’t have both sorry, life’s a bitch

21. Could you ever quit writing? Do you ever wish you could? Why or why not?

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?

23. Describe the physical environment in which you write. Be as detailed as possible. Tell me what’s around you as you work. Paint me a picture.

24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?

25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story?

26. How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place?

27. Who is the most stressful character you’ve ever written? Why?

28. Who is the most delightful character you’ve ever written? Why?

29. Where do you draw your inspiration? What do you do when the inspiration well runs dry?

30. Talk to me about the role dreams play in your writing life. Have you ever used material from your dreams in your writing? Have you ever written in a dream? Did you remember it when you woke up?

31. Write a short love letter to your readers.

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

33. Do you practice any other art besides writing? Does that art ever tie into your writing, or is it entirely separate?

34. Thoughts on the Oxford comma, Go:

35. What’s your favorite writing rule to smash into smithereens?

36. They say to Write What You Know. Setting aside for a moment the fact that this is terrible advice...what do you Know?

37. If you were to be remembered only by the words you’ve put on the page, what would future historians think of you?

38. What is something about your writing process YOU think is Really Weird? If you are comfortable, please share. If you’re not comfortable, what do you think cats say about us?

39. What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up?

40. Please share a poem with me, I need it.

[matsunoluvr]

୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ how I think the boys from love and deepspace would give a first kiss :3

warnings: suggestive content (obviously?), writing might be out of character, spoilers in general, i get carried away explaining everything because i'm afraid of being accused of mischaracterisation

[story spoiler] first kiss = first kiss where mc is a hunter/the timeline in game

authors notes: i have favourites and it will show CLEARLY in my writing… sorry (not sorry no1 rafayel stan) and i am a yapper

characters: rafayel, xavier, zayne and sylus

link to my master list here!!

more below the cut :3

sorry rafayel... but i feel like he's the most unskilled at kisses because - hear me out - you're his very first kiss. lemurians as a species seem to value bonds and loyalty, and as the literal sea god he wasn't able to nor wanted to just hook up or mess around - he's looking for devotion!!!

(okay, we ignore the kiss in forgotten sea myth story because like come on there was literally no romance mc was drowning)

definitely waits a while before kissing you, rayafel really takes his time to fall into place. after all, he needs to make sure his beloved bride/groom is well and truly his!!!

the type to wait for the ‘right moment’ - but doesn’t force or stage it ykwim? like the time comes naturally - e.g. watching the sunset, or you’re leaning close to him whilst he’s painting

he’s a romantic 100% like there’s a reason his 'floral promise' card was (imo) way fluffier compared to the others - like xavier's was tender-ish but rafayel was fucking melting

he's a sweet talker I just know it.

that charm he uses on his clients? he doesn't want to nor will he manipulate you with it but you know he's going to ramp up the charm to tease you a little

definitely knows his effect on you and uses it to his full advantage (cough cough fiery undercurrents secret times) like whispering in your ear, making excuses to touch you or get close to you

(i think he’d be more 'traditional' because of lemurian customs - the whole bonding + [forgotten sea spoilers] the sea god ceremony where the mc must devote themselves to rafayel displaying a strong level of devotion)

SUCH A GENTLE KISSER OMG like compared to his almost bratty and childish personality he’s a gentleman when it comes to kisses (also because he's kind of unsure what to do...)

the type to tuck strand of your hair behind your ear, fiddle with it a little maybe twirl it around his finger before trailing a finger along your jawline... i can see him like massaging your ear too? idk how to describe it he's a handsy man

first kiss was definitely more sweet than passionate ugawhriulgs he's such a cutie

right after the first kiss i think he’d be pretty affectionate, rather than bratty/tsundere since for him to kiss someone i believe he’d really need to love them (and therefore is more open to being vulnerable)

affectionate as in saying something cheesy probably, commenting on how you tasted or another one of his poetic, artistic quotes (dw raf we love it)

wouldn't be satisfied with just one after that, i can see him going in for a more passionate second and even a third (i mean look at his 'floral promise' memory OR 'fiery undercurrents') in the same few minutes

these follow up kisses would probably be longer and way less chaste, hands moving from tilting your chin up to your waist ahahahahahuwfa

you'd have to show him the appeal of tongue if that's your thing because he's seen it before but never really saw what was nice about it

"But... you're just drinking each other's saliva?" "Rafayel that's hot-"

definitely relived the moment in his head hundreds of times after that night - and you bet your ass he painted a piece inspired from your first kiss with him

any kisses after that i feel like they would follow this default pattern;

if he initiated the kiss i think he’d be more cocky and teasing, especially if he surprised you with one and he sees your flustered face

“Didn’t expect that huh, cutie?”

if you surprised him, however, get ready for typical rafayel childish behaviour, blushing and averting his eyes, covering his mouth with the back of his hand and a pout

“Hey- what was that for!!” ��（・□・；）

either way rafayel is the worlds silliest man and would cave into literally anything with just a few kisses from you

ALSO KISS HIS COLLAR BONES AND YOU'VE GOT A WHOLE NEW SCENARIO TO UNFOLD

oh i just have a feeling this man is devouring you because puh-LEASEE?? sir we aren't forgetting your 'tender night' card i know that night was anything but tender

xavier is the definition of pent-up desire because this man has been waiting a LONG time and he's not going to be able to hold back very well

(taking heavy inspiration from his '21 days' memory because with his reaction it kind of feels like his first kiss with mc... but tbh i don't know much about xavi)

he's definitely not shy when it comes down to it, yeah he gets flustered if he thinks about it because of course imagining kissing the person he's pined over for centuries is going to fluster the shit out of him but he doesn't shy away form the idea or avoid the topic in conversation

i feel like he'd bring it up casually - like in the 'partner go go' event (aka heartbreaker-chasing-rhythm-game event) he was so insistent on the 'kissing page'

mc was like "apparently you can solve arguments with a kiss" and this mf straight up said "we can argue then" this man is STARVED

i feel like you'd need to initiate the kiss or give him very clear signs you'd be okay with a kiss for it to happen, i don't know why i just feel like he's that type of person

the first kiss is deep despite him trying his best to hold back - you can just feel his desire and longing oozing out of him and he's definitely on fucking cloud nine

xavier's holding your face and stroking his thumb along your cheek and god damn he's good at kissing where the fuck did he learn this from?

the type to break the kiss and then fucking bulldoze into the next one and my god his restraints have broken and he's actually kissing you as if it's the last thing he's able to do on earth

100% a tongue user he's biting at your bottom lip before slipping it in the sly minx

after the kiss he's more flustered than he expected to be - kissing the love of his life (literally) sends him into a flurry of emotions he's never really experienced before

given how possessive xavier is i wouldn't be surprised if halfway through making out he managed to leave a hickey or two in very. visible. places.

he isn't even pretending to feel guilty in the slightest, a smug grin as he shrugs out a half-assed apology.

"Sorry, I guess you'll have to try hide it. Or don't, that would be easier."

if you leave any marks on him he's not leaving you along that night. forget sleeping you two are recreating 'tender night' ALL night.

but seriously, if you leave hickeys over his neck (his canonical sensitive area and where he feels vulnerable) he's going to go crazy because what do you mean you want everyone to know he's yours??? what do you mean you want him as much as he wants you??

tldr; xavier is unusually talented with his mouth and is desperate to prove it to you.

i accidentally wrote way more for xavier than i expected i even cut out some bits holy crap maybe i’m more into xavi than i thought

oh no... zayne you beautiful man i am so sorry... (here comes the one character i have no idea how to characterise + no clue about his lore zayne fans pls bear with me)

okay - zayne looks like a gentleman and i'm sure he very much is even in intimate moments, but i cannot get rid of the idea that his first kiss w you was lowk spicyyyyy

like OH MY GOD I JUST WATCHED SNOWY SERENITY RN I FUCKIGN KNEW IT

that man was pouncing on you in a hospital bed, dishevelled, and kissing you deep my god like the type of kiss that literally as you forgetting where you are

i feel like zayne would be the one to initiate the kiss, again no idea why maybe i'm falling into the dominant zayne agenda

you're probably surprised when he kisses you because he's usually so composed, the 'cold unfeeling' dr zayne - then suddenly he's panting and pushing himself on top of you (consensually of course), pinning you down and going to town.

when he kisses you i don't think he's much of a lip biter, but if you bite his lips or lick at him or anything he's not opposed, as long as your lips are on his and vice versa

after the first kiss he's going straight into another one, his patience has thinned to the point of snapping and now he just needs you.

his hands what does he do with his hands? i'm thinking the typical otome face hold, gentle grasp juxtaposing his fervent kisses LOL

now, why does he kiss you?? how does this all build up? unfortunately all i can think of to match this scenario is something angsty or something along the lines of zayne has fucking had it and all he wants is you

"I need you... please."

this is the type of kiss where he wants to drown in you, breathe you in and just smother his being into yours to forget and erase whatever else is happening/happened

if he's kissing you and pinning you down and you bring up your hand to interlock fingers with him - your warm hands against his cool hands? wow his kissing is all of a sudden even more passionate.

after the little make out session he's going to go all mushy on you, physical affection of an embrace something uncharacteristic of him to match his dishevelled state

in kisses after the first i like the idea that he checks your pulse mid make-out and just silently smirks/chuckles when he notices it's faster and more erratic than usual

"Why are you nervous, this isn't our first time."

he also has this sneaky habit of whispering incredibly close to your ear, the reason why i choose to point this out it because i feel like sometimes he uses his evol to his advantage to like, breathe out cool air on your neck/ear and likes to watch you shiver

the ultimate dominant figure if you try to kiss him first and take control he somehow manages to overcome you and take the lead without using his strength, just good ol' sweet talking and technique

congratulations, you managed to snatch a kiss from the renown leader sylus!!!

i can see why people would think he's promiscuous or a fuck-boy because honestly i see it, but imo just because he is more flirtatious, assertive and... responsive (try tapping his... crotch... in the café LOL) does NOT = play boy

to me it just shows that - unlike the other LIs - sylus is just more forward with his approach, he has that devil-may-care like feel to him ykwim?

"Do I like you? What type of question is that, isn't it obvious? Or do I need to show you?" is much different to "Hey baby girl lemme rock your world tnite xx"

but just because he's got a 'fuck-all' attitude doesn't mean he fucks around with random people, he's 1. got standards and 2. living in the n109 zone?? do you THINK he can afford to let random people close just to fuck???

that being said i don't think he's a kiss virgin, just very selective and honest man when it comes to love and physical intimacy

now, when i say he isn't a fuckboy, that doesn't mean i don't believe in cocky-smugass-know-it-all sylus - he kisses well. and with PASSION. and probably the worst part is that he knows it.

first kiss with sylus? i can't imagine him making a large fuss about it like rafayel, nor it having to be some "i'm-at-deaths-door-and-need-to-kiss-you-atleast-once" situation like zayne, but no matter where or when you two share a first kiss he is making sure you remember

that being said, there was definitely a LOT of romantic and sexual tension between you and sylus for at least weeks before the kiss, i mean the air was thick with suggestive glances and denial

i think you two'd have to already be in close proximity which is very easy to achieve with sylus (touchiest man award goes to him) for the first kiss to initiate

he's grabbing your waist, or your face, makings sure your eyes are on. him. as you two kiss. watching with delight no matter what reactions you have, he admires you through surprised and flustered to confident and defiant

rather than a tender first kiss it’s probably a full blown make out session, just desire and lust flooding out of the both of you after having built up for over a month.

assertive does not mean he's going to force a kiss on you to clear this up, more that he likes to take the initiative and take control as you two kiss <3

yeah he's into biting (wow what a big shock) - likes biting your ear, or neck, or bottom lip, one time he tried nipping at your tongue too.

you can bite him back, he likes it.

"Hah, looks like someone is baring their claws tonight..." he’s really into that whole cat thing huh.

what does mr sylus do with his hands? waist, hips, ass, around your neck, pulling your face in by squeezing your cheeks, fingers threading through the hair on the back of your head, you name it he does it. again, i think sylus is a touchy man.

he doesn't mind if you try to take control, just dont expect to be successful. different to zayne - as in he will overcome your control with his evol and strength…

inappropriate use of his evol has occurred (he ‘tied’ you up and made out with you (CONSENSUALLY))

after his affinity 15 (i think) memory i can just tell he’s freaky with it bruhhh so yeah handcuffs are probably something he indulges in

if you’re persistent or physically overcome sylus you might get rewarded with a resigned, more submissive sylus

the idea or sight of someone man handling/overcoming his strength really sets him off.. i mean have you seen “no defence zone”?? but you’re really going to need to work to get him to this stage, and he’s going to have to love you

“No one’s ever seen me like this, lying on my back and begging for you.”

secretly finds out through you that he enjoys being dominated (BRAT SYLUS FOR 2024) so climb on top of him and kiss him until he’s blushing and panting hahahahahaha

tldr: sylus isn’t a fuck-boy but he sure kisses like one

AN; as an ao3 writer may say, no beta we die like caleb i wrote half of this when i was half asleep LMAOO anyways i hope this was okay please dont attack me BYE

[phantomrose96]

Sham Sacrifice

(Hi it's time for my favorite headcanon)

...

Vlad Masters sat firm and proper on the Fenton Family couch, legs crossed, teacup pinched in his fingertips, fighting subtly against the sinkhole that came with the mistake of taking Jack’s usual spot on the couch. He appeared with all the same charm and delightfulness of an ant swarm rearranging your picnic.

Danny stood at the doorway, just-still-in-the-kitchen, just not inviting himself to join the adults in the living room where Jack boomed and rambled and Vlad sat so stiff and polite and nice that his tea in his hands was going cold.

“Oh, Danny you’ll love this story—Danny, you should join us—Danny this was, what, summer of ’84? When was that heatwave, Vladdy? The one where you—”

“There’s no need to bore Daniel with the mad ravings of two old kooks, Jack. Kids would rather be off at the mall or—some store, surely. No need to stick around Daniel on my behalf. I assure you I won’t be offended if you leave.”

“No worries, V-man. I’m good right here. I love hearing Dad’s stories." Danny met Vlad's challenge, speaking with more poisonous courtesy than Vlad had proffered first. "In fact I think he should tell a few more, if he’s got more in mind.”

“In fact I do have more in mind—” Jack answered.

Neither Danny nor Vlad were listening to Jack. They held eye-contact, Danny with a stern unblinkingness of a sheepdog on duty. A lot was said without words. A lot was understood when Vlad decided to visit through the front door. Vlad only used the front door when he wanted something.

And it was never good when Vlad wanted something.

“—the core reactor project, yeah? That summer? That was in the lab with no A/C. Top floor. We were sweating like pigs, all of us. And I dared you to eat the really moldy pizza from our fridge the night before and you ralphed right into—”

“—Surely you remember this more fondly than I do. Daniel, really, you can go.”

Not a chance.

“Actually,” Danny answered, brightening some as his opportunity struck. “I am interested in this. For science class I need to write a report on the invention of an important piece of technology. I was gonna ask Mom and Dad about the Ghost Portal. And now that you’re here, I can get the whole history.”

Jack made a giddy little noise. He leaned forward, words primed, but Vlad was quicker to the draw.

“Sorry to say, your faith in me is unfounded. I wasn’t the portal guy back in college—that was always your mother and father’s passion project. I was their skeptic.”

“Bet that’s got you feeling pretty foolish right now, doesn’t it V-man?” Jack chided, a quick jab to Vlad’s ribs that nearly unseated the teacup from his suspended saucer. “Considering the fully-functioning portal right beneath our toes.”

“I hardly feel foolish, Jack. Your calculation for the portal in college was never going to work.”

“What do you mean? Of course it did.” Jack thumped the ground with his foot. “It’s running the old girl right now.”

At this, Vlad’s eyes narrowed. For the first time he’d been shaken off whatever skeezy machinations had brought him in. His pride was being challenged, and by Jack no less.

“Absolutely not. With that calculation? Absolutely not.”

“Well forget the tea biscuits Vlad, because you’re going to be eating your words in a second. Mads, hold my spot,” Jack said, as if anyone was planning to take his spot. He bounced from the couch, scooted from the living room, and vanished into the dark maw of the lab stairs, leaving only the waning beat of his footsteps behind.

His absence filled only a swallowing few seconds. The footsteps returned, bounding upward, creaking with his heavy cadence, and Jack bounced back into the room in much the manner he left. A pad of yellow lined paper was clutched in his hand. When he dropped it on the coffee table, it revealed row after row of tight scribble, churning math, carrying down the page and occupying two entire pages more that Jack flipped through.

“Same baby I came up with in college. It just needed heavier dampening and higher voltage than what we made back then. The portal downstairs has that in spades. Well, in like two-thirds of a spade.” Jack tapped something on the last line. “The projection was still only hitting 70% of the threshold we calculated to reach dimension penetration. But it’s an art, not just a science. We fired it up anyway, and it took!”

Vlad grabbed the paper pad, agitated. His eyes ran over it. Then again. Until he settled on one line, a firmness overcoming his face. He tossed the pad back onto the coffee table, and Vlad leaned back into the couch, arms crossed.

“The lambda, Jack.”

“The lambda?”

“Check it again.”

Jack did, lips pursed, pad of paper nearly swallowed in his big meaty hand.

“What about--?”

“It squares. The units don’t balance otherwise. It originates from an integration step of λ*∂λ/∂t. It squares.”

Jack’s brow remained furrowed, firm, until delight cracked into his eyes, and he let out a laugh.

“Gods, my handwriting is gonna be the death of us. Mads,” he tapped something unseen on the second page. “That’s the genius of Vladdy. Cracked this puppy wide open with just a glance. I never noticed that in all my checking. That explains the missing 30%, at least. That explains how the portal took. Lucky for you Danny that Vlad was here—”

“Jack,” Maddie said.

“—your report can have the correct formula. It’ll be—”

“—Jack—”

“—A+ worthy—”

“—Jack,” Maddie said, curt. “Lambda is the ambient ecto-energy. It’s a few ten-thousandths of a unit.”

“It—huh.”

Maddie had surfaced a pen from her pocket. She sheared a few blank pages out from the back of the pad and started the formula fresh. She made quick work of copying it over, quicker work of solving it through – lambda-squared intact.

She hit the final line and hatched a pen mark beneath the number. Jack stared, confused.

“That can’t… no.”

He repeated the same. New pages torn loose. Formula copied over, processed, line by line by line—lambda squared—by line by line by line.

Jack settled on his answer. Same as Maddie’s.

Confusion made his face tense.

“So it’s not 70% of the way to the threshold… It’s 0.013% of the way to the threshold.”

He held the pen hard, his whole body holding firm and taut as the gears turned in his head. Jack’s eyes flickered across the formula, again and again and again. He looked to Maddie, like a dog issued a command he did not understand.

“But it worked,” he said, small. “But it worked.”

Jack stood, robotic almost, eyes lost in something far away. He disappeared into the lab almost as quickly as he had a few minutes before, but now he exited with a smoothness and a quietness so very uncharacteristic of him. It bothered Danny, somewhere deep in his gut.

Maddie followed, a possession matching Jack’s.

Danny’s fingers curled and uncurled. He’d succeeded. He’s successfully interrupted Vlad’s… whatever this was. But the disquiet infected him. He didn’t like it.

“So what does that mean?” Danny asked, perhaps to Vlad. “What’s wrong with the calculation?”

Vlad sipped on tea ice cold.

“Who knows?” Vlad lied.

…

The math didn’t work.

Maddie and Jack burned through paper, burned through pencils, burned through hours.

The math didn’t work.

Clothes stuck to skin. Sweat lingered fetid and stale in the cold basement air. Exhaustion beat like a slurry through their veins.

The math didn’t work.

The portal supervised all, placidly green, the light for their table, the light for their work when the lightbulb overhead burnt clean out and neither Jack nor Maddie could be pulled away to replace it. It stood, it watched, a testament of contradiction to everything they could not solve on paper, and yet everything they built directly into the fabric of reality.

And it should never have worked.

They threw every radical what-if they’d ever conceived over 20 years of ghost research.

The ecto-ether layer.

The latent activation stitches in space fabric.

The anti-ectomatter collision proposal.

The positive-feedback crystallization theory.

And still nothing worked.

All together, every crackpot theory in their favor taken for granted, racked them up to an activation energy 200x more potent than the calculation, and still just 2% of what would be needed to rip open, and hold open, a stable fissure between their reality and the ghost zone.

Maybe by pure luck, unfathomable luck, Fentonworks basement was directly situated atop a natural portal.

Maybe that would explain ripping it open. It did nothing to explain the stability. Natural portals were unstable by definition. There and gone in a few seconds. Not hours, days, weeks, months, a year, that the Fenton Portal had been open. Never so much as faltering.

It was late. 3am ticked away to 4am, and 4:30am. The discarded paper stacked higher than Jack and Maddie both. Calluses oozed from their hands at another attempt, and another, and another.

Maddie flipped through a folder’s worth of yellowed papers, aggressively thumbed over and over after two decades left untouched. And she settled on the one she’d passed over a few dozen times already, always seeking something else, something better.

This time she unsheathed it, and she placed it on the lab table.

“…If a mouse died. In the machine. If a mouse ran through the machine and accidentally bridged two live wires, and died of violent electrocution. 500 milliamps. Instantly melted into the circuitry.”

Maddie’s mouth was cotton-dry while she wrote. Ambient ecto-energy was low. Always very, very low.

Unless something very, very bad happened to something with the capacity to become a ghost.

The numbers wove. Maddie started the formula fresh, and it was pure muscle memory. A mouse. A big mouse, even. A 99th percentile beast of a mouse. And a wire that had been wired incorrectly. Something grounded that never actually grounded. An absolutely horrific amount of electricity.

0.37%, by pure numbers. If she included every permissive crackpot idea they had thrown on top, it topped out at 6% of the needed activation threshold.

Not a mouse.

“A cat,” Jack said, words gummy, tongue dry, face tired. “If we’ve got mice down here, maybe… a stray cat wandered in. Chased the mouse.”

Maddie nodded. It didn’t matter if it made sense.

She penned it in. A large cat. A devastating electrical short. Cats carried more ecto-potential than mice did. Ecto-potential did not necessarily go up with size. It went up with complexity. The things with the most ecto-potential were the things that most became ghosts.

1.45%, by pure numbers. 18% at absolute, absolute crackpot best.

“A dog,” Jack proposed with a shaky laugh. He swallowed. “A mouse… chased by a cat… chased by a dog… all electrocuted at once”

Maddie didn’t say the thing they both knew, which was that both of them would have noticed the evidence left behind by the electrically exploded pieces of a dog.

Maddie did it anyway. A mouse and a cat and a medium-sized dog, maybe just small enough to notice no evidence of, all together. All at once. All violently ripped apart, sacrificed to a machine still asleep in its wall.

Mice did not often make ghosts. Cats did not either. Dogs, occasionally. But infrequently. Very infrequently.

37%. At best.

“Jack.”

“Maddie, I know just—maybe something really smart—”

“—Jack—”

“—like an octopus—”

“Jack.”

“I hear, maybe, pigs are smart. If it was—”

Maddie was writing, already. Not for a pig. Not an octopus. Jack watched, and he knew what the numbers meant. The ecto-potential she penned gave her away. An ecto-potential that high.

65kg, an estimate

10,000 milliamps, a catastrophic accident, a death certificate.

A human’s amount of ecto-potential.

Maddie wrote.

And she wrote.

And she did not apply a single crackpot theory, not a single discredited proposal, not an ounce of exaggeration.

138%.

Threshold, and then some.

Comfortable, easily, then some.

For the first time, after all the hundreds of times she and Jack had penned this equation over the course of 2 decades, the number met her and Jack’s threshold.

A breakthrough.

A revelation.

A pure eureka moment.

Jack and Maddie were silent.

Alone in a humming basement. Alone with only the soft swirls of the portal for company, happy, stable, purring its contentment, singing to the cold air.

“It has to be something else,” Maddie said. And she said it weakly. And she said it childishly.

“You’re right. It can’t be this,” Jack echoed. “If someone died down here, we’d know. Dead bodies don’t walk away. We’d have seen it. O-or even if, if the body got stuck in the portal, we’d have heard of someone going missing.”

Maddie sat, quiet. A thought held her mind hostage.

“Unless they didn’t go missing,” Maddie said, and she said it barely audibly. “Unless the portal spit them right back out.”

“Then—that’s what I said—a dead body, on the floor, we’d have seen.”

“Not a dead body.”

“It had to be lethal, Mads—”

“I know Jack. But if they died, here, in the portal Jack, then their ghost did not get ripped away from the body and sent to the Ghost Zone. …They ripped the Ghost Zone here.” Palms slick with sweat smoothed over her notes. She pointed to one specific line and found her pen tip trembled no matter how badly she stabilized it. “The ecto-potential of a creature is how strong of a pull their ghost creates on the Ghost Zone. A strong enough pull means the ghost can reach the Ghost Zone and stabilize, like a fish reeling itself up, yeah? We agree on this Jack, yes?”

“Yes,” Jack answered.

“It’s what makes the math even work, Jack. Someone dying in the portal didn’t reel themselves to the boat. They reeled the boat in. Jack, they brought the Ghost Zone here…” Maddie wasn’t breathing right. She pulled sweat-soaked bangs away from her face. “Their ghost never left their body Jack. They died, Jack. And they walked back out.”

“…No. No,” Jack said. “No, they didn’t.”

“Then what?” Maddie asked.

Jack stared. He looked away. He didn’t like the expression on Maddie’s face.

“It—what about the ecto-ether theory?” Jack said, of the theory they’d tested and retested and tested all over, all night. He grabbed his pencil back up and pointed it aimlessly at Maddie’s piece of paper, pointed end out in self-defense. “If the ecto-ether is maybe… if it’s only 250-times stronger than we calculated. Then it could…”

Jack’s voice died. His pencil hung idle. Maddie’s paper remained unblemished.

“If it… was a pig,” Jack offered. “If it was a pig that died in the portal.”

“How, Jack? How would a pig get in? We lock all the doors at night, Jack. No one else can get in, Jack. It’s just us, Jack.”

Jack and Maddie were not there when the portal turned on.

Maddie’s statement carried two possibilities. Only two. Both felt like claws digging all the flesh right out of Jack’s heart.

“I want… I want to try the ecto-ether theory again,” Jack choked. “I think it’s the ecto-ether. I think it’ll work.”

Jack slid a piece of paper over, already covered in scribbles. In its single untouched corner, he started the equation for the several-thousandth time that night.

Above their head, birds were singing.

Sunrise hailed unseen from the windowless laboratory.

…

At 6am, Vlad answered his cell phone. The reception crackled, struggling through the layers of sheetrock above his head.

“Vlad?” Maddie’s voice crackled. “Sorry, did I wake you up?”

“Not at all my dear.” Vlad leaned his weight against the wall, playing with the singsong melody in his voice. “But you sound exhausted. Is anything the matter?”

“Yes. Well… Yes. Jack and I have—all night—trying to fix the equation.”

“Naturally.”

“We found something that maybe works.”

“Oh?” Vlad asked. He straightened, pacing now, cracklingly attentive. “And what might that—”

“If someone died. Activating the portal. We have an on-switch inside the portal’s interior. The trigger we use to press it is external to the portal, of course. But if someone went inside the portal, and they pressed it directly, and if they died, and pulled the Ghost Zone here—”

Vlad’s red eyes reflected pools of iridescent green. He twirled his free hand in the fringes of his cape, tongue working over the fanged edges of his teeth. He stared, consumed, forward.

“—and just, you, I was thinking, you’re the only other expert I’d trust to… maybe weigh in.”

“What does Jack think?”

“He denies it. He’s still. He’s trying other theories.”

“Well who knows, surely? The answer may lie somewhere you haven’t looked.”

“…I’ve looked everywhere, Vlad. That's the thing. There is no more ‘somewhere else’. I’ve looked.”

“You sound like your mind is made up.”

“I just… if maybe you have some idea.”

“Am I meant to talk you out of this idea?”

“Vlad.”

“Do you think I have some secret information you don’t? Sorry to say, I’m just your skeptic.” Some noise came through muffled from the other side. Vlad flashed a smile. “But…as your skeptic I will offer you this—It all sounds a bit absurd, doesn’t it? To kill someone and have them come back intact and… for you to never notice? Who would they be? How would they be? Surely not human anymore, surely. How would you never notice?”

Vlad paced forward, booted feet clicking along his laboratory floor.

“It would be ridiculous,” he continued, with a building crescendo, “so unfathomably self-centered surely, to not notice something like that befall someone so close to you, who died at the hands of your own invention? …If I’m correctly inferring who, in your household, you suspect of having activated the portal?” Vlad’s tongue lingered along his teeth.

Maddie’s line held, quiet. And the seconds of static drew long.

“Ah, apologies. I’ve overstepped,” Vlad continued. “I meant this as a vote of confidence in you. You and Jack both. Two people as attentive, caring, compassionate as yourselves. You would notice. I promise.”

“You’re… Okay, thank you, Vlad. I appreciate it.”

“Is there anything else, my dear?”

“No. No. Thank you, Vlad. I’ll think about this.”

Maddie’s line clicked dead. A chuckle built to Vlad’s lips and he let his head tip back with mirth. It lasted only a moment. He stowed his phone. And as if the interruption had never happened, Vlad reaffixed his attention on his own portal swirling in front of him. It bathed him, swimming green, purring contentment.

And Vlad vanished into his portal.

(Chapter 2)

[insidekatmind]

Share- Levi Colwill x reader x Jude Bellingham (love triangle)

Wearning: +18,smut

You are at a time in your life when the attention on you has become overwhelming. and everything started unexpectedly. You have always been a quiet person, far from drama and emotional complications. Yet, here you are, involved in a love triangle between Jude Bellingham and Levi Colwill. It’s clear that both of them do not intend to give up.

It all started a few months earlier, at an exclusive party hosted by a mutual friend. The music was loud, the lights were dim, and you had no idea that your life would change that night.You were at the bar sipping a cocktail when Jude came over with his disarming smile and self-confident look.

"I’ve never seen you at a party like this. You’re one of those people who likes to stay in the shadows, am I right?" He had said it in a tone that felt like defiance.

You laughed, trying to hide the blush that was coloring your cheeks. "I prefer not to draw too much attention. I’m not really... used to it."

"Well, tonight you’ll be in the middle of mine," he replied, raising his glass towards you.

You couldn’t deny that Jude had a magnetic charm. You spent the evening chatting, discovering a side of him that went beyond the footballer: a brilliant, ambitious but also surprisingly sweet boy.

Yet, just as you were starting to feel comfortable, someone else had caught your attention.

Levi Colwill had made his way through the crowd with the calm of one who does not need to hurry to be noticed. He was different from Jude: less cheeky, more mysterious. When he saw you, he approached discreetly, waiting for the right moment to talk to you.

"Is he already boring you?" he said, pointing to Jude with a nod. "What?" you asked, surprise.

"Bellingham. He has a reputation for talking too much," he added with a grin that made you shiver.

"And you? Are you one of those who speaks little and listens a lot?" you answered, amused.

"Something like that," he said, with a look that seemed to be light inside.

From that moment on, your attention was divided. Both boys seemed determined to win you over, each in their own way. Jude was spontaneous, passionate, always ready to make you laugh. Levi, on the other hand, was reflective, profound, capable of turning even a trivial conversation into something special.

In the days and weeks that followed, Jude and Levi had begun to become more and more present in your life.

One afternoon, Jude had shown up to your house on a motorbike. "Let’s go for a ride. I want to show you the city like you’ve never seen it before."

You could not say no, and that afternoon turned into an unforgettable adventure, among laughter and breathtaking views.

But just when you thought Jude had won an important point, Levi made his move. One evening, he invited you to an impromptu dinner at his house. He had cooked for you, and the way he looked at you as you spoke made you feel special in a way that you couldn’t explain.

Every moment with one of them seemed like a balancing act, a step forward for one and a step back for the other.

Things had exploded when, during a dinner you decided not to attend to take time to think about it, the two ended up arguing.

"Do you really think you have a chance with her?" said Jude, raising his voice. "She wants someone who knows how to amuse her, who knows how to live. Not one who spends time as a philosopher."

"Ah, really?" Levi replied, keeping a calm tone but visibly irritated. "Because it seems to me that she’s looking for someone who really understands her. And, honestly, it’s not you."

The words became increasingly sharp, until the two almost clashed physically. Mutual friends had intervened to separate them, but the tension was palpable.

The next day you were sitting on a park bench, the sun filters through the leaves of the trees and warms your face. You shake your phone, a little bored, when you get a message.

Jude: "Are you free tonight? I thought I’d take you somewhere you’d like to go."

You smile lightly, aware of his attempt to win you over. You do not respond in time, that another notification surprises you.

Levi: "I’ll pick you up in an hour. I won’t take no for an answer."

You’re wide-eyed, you incredulous. But are they in agreement? you ask. The situation amuses you, but it also makes you difficult. It is not easy to juggle between the insistence of two guys so charming and, above all, so competitive.

---

You’re sitting at a table in an elegant restaurant. Levi is standing in front of you, his dark eyes fixed on yours. He wears a white shirt with a slight button-down that lets you see his skin and the tuatuaggi on his right arm that made him irresistible. He smiles with that confidence which he knows to be his best weapon.

"So, did you have fun with Bellingham the other day?" asks, bringing the glass of wine to his lips.Raise an eyebrow, surprised by her direct question.

"Are you jealous, Colwill?" you reply provocatively.He laughs, shaking his head.

"Jealous? No, just curious. I want to see if he has a chance against me."

You stop for a moment, his gaze is penetrating, but you do not give in. You are aware of your power in this situation.

"Maybe he does. Or maybe not. It depends on who is smarter." you reply with a mischievous smile. Levi bites his lip, visibly amused by your challenge.

"Oh, so you’re challenging me? Are you sure you want to play with me?"

"I never play, Levi. And you know it."

His smile widens. "I like it even more."

---

The next day, Jude invites you to his house. When you arrive, he welcomes you with the usual bright smile. He wears a gray sweatshirt and sweatpants, a simple but incredibly attractive look on him.

"You’re finally here. I was beginning to think that Levi had kidnapped you." he says jokingly.He laughs, shaking his head.

"Don’t worry, I’m too smart to be caught." You reply with a playful smile.Jude looks at you for a moment, his gaze becomes more serious.

"I know. And maybe that’s what I like about you." he admits, getting a few steps closer.

You feel your heart racing, but not receding. He is so close that you can smell his fresh and enveloping scent.

"Don’t think you can have me just because you tell me to." You answer with a confident voice.

"I don’t think so. But I know I do." He answers, and his eyes won’t come off of yours.

---

The days pass and the tension between Levi and Jude becomes more evident. It all starts with small comments thrown at a distance, but soon the jokes turn into provocative looks. During a party you’ve been invited to, you find them both there, and the situation becomes explosive.

"What a coincidence to see you here, Bellingham." says Levi with a provocative smirk.

"Yeah, you here too, Colwill? I thought you were busy losing games." Jude replied, keeping the tone calm but sharp. You look at them with your arms folded.

"Are you serious?" you ask, tired of their teasing.

Levi approaches you, moving a lock of hair behind your ear.

"I’m just protecting what’s mine," he says, looking into your eyes.

"Yours? Don’t get confused, Colwill." You counter, and he laughs softly. Jude steps forward, his eyes on Levi.

"She’s nobody’s, dude. And you should remember that." said Jude looking at him badly.

The two stare for a moment. You know that things could get out of hand, but you decide to intervene.

"Stop it! I’m not a trophy. If you keep acting like this, you’ll both lose." You say in a firm tone and leave them alone.

The two continued to watch while Levi watched with a calm that was making Jude angry. "Who wins the best," said Jude, and Levi looked at him amused and then left.

---

It was a few days and you decided to go to the disco alone to get your ideas, It was one of those evenings where the atmosphere seemed magical from the beginning. You were in the elegant nightclub in the heart of London, immersed in a vortex of soft lights and pulsating music.

You were trying to distract yourself from the events of these days by not thinking about how Levi and Jude kept coming at you and how they always fought over you.

The DJ had just started playing a hypnotic mix of house and reggaeton, and you couldn’t help but let yourself go to the beat. You wore a dress that perfectly embraced every curve, attracting admiring glances wherever you went, but what really caught the eye was your energy. You danced with an innate sensuality, without any effort, as if the music ran in your blood.

At one point, you feel a burning gaze on you. You turn slowly and cross the gaze of Levi, he looked at you with an intensity that made you hold your breath. He waves a little glass at you, and your heart quickened. Before you can answer, you notice another pair of eyes staring at you: Jude Bellingham. He was on the opposite side of the dance floor, leaning nonchalantly against the bar. When your looks meet, his smile widens, and he slowly approaches, moving through the crowd with magnetic security.

You don’t have time to think. The music changes, becoming slower and more sensual, and Levi takes the first step. He approaches with a mischievous smile, tilting his head.

"Y/n as always I can’t do at least not notice you" he says, his deep voice barely overtaken by the music. "Let’s dance?"

You don’t have time to answer that you feel a warm hand on your back. You turn around, facing Jude. He is even more beautiful up close, with his dark eyes that seem to read your soul.

"Levi, you’re too slow," says Jude with a provocative smile. "She dance with me tonight."

You find yourself between two fires, but instead of choosing, you decide to have fun. "Who said I should choose one?" Answer, with a smirk that leaves both speechless.

The music picks up and you start moving, letting go completely. Levi comes to you from behind, his hands just above your hips, while Jude watches you from the front, his body coming closer and closer to yours. They dance in tune, their bodies following your movements with perfect precision. It’s thrilling, almost surreal to be the center of their attention.

As Levi touches your neck with a light kiss, you feel a shiver running down your back. " So beautiful" he murmurs, his voice so close that you can’t hear it. You let go for a moment, head tilting to the side to offer him more space and start rubbing more on his cock. But as soon as you close your eyes, feel Jude’s hands on your life.

You look up at him, and he looks at you with a determination that takes your breath away. " I waited long enough," he says, before bending down and capturing your lips in an intense, passionate kiss. His mouth is hot, and the way he holds you makes you lose your sense of time and space. Levi, however, does not back down. He keeps kissing your neck, his hands holding you tight against him as he also began to rub his cock on your ass making you moan in Jude’s kiss

The minutes seem to stop. The dance floor around you fades away, leaving you alone in a world of music, soft lights and pure electricity. When you finally break away from Jude, your eyes meet those of Levi. His gaze is a mixture of desire and challenge.

"We’re not done with you yet," he whispers.

Smile, your heart beating wildly. "I don’t mind," you reply excited.

Jude and Levi exchanged a smile without arguing for the first time. You all three went outside and looked around.

The night air was fresh as you left the disco, still immersed in the adrenaline of the evening. Levi takes the keys to his black sports car, with a confident smile that left no room for doubt. " The evening doesn’t end here," he says, opening the door for you with a gallant gesture. You can’t help but smile as you step into the car, sitting in the back seat.

Jude follows you, closing the door behind him. Before Levi starts the engine, Jude looks at you with a breath-holding intensity. "Are you sure you can hold us?" whispers to you, his voice a mixture of fun and desire. His hand touches yours, and you feel a shiver running down your back.

"We’ll see," you reply with a mischievous smile, knowing full well that you have no intention of backing away.

Levi turns slightly from the driver’s seat, looking through the rear-view mirror with a smirk. "Be comfortable behind, huh? No distractions while driving." But the spark in his eyes betrays his tone. The engine starts, and the car starts moving, gliding smoothly through the streets lit by street lamps.

While Levi is focused on driving, Jude does not waste time. He comes closer to you, his warm breath against your skin. " Do you know how hard it is to ignore you?" he whispers, her lips touching your neck. He starts kissing you slowly, with a deliberate sweetness that makes you shiver. His hands find your side, the touch light but possessive. Every kiss is like a spark that ignites a fire within you.

You try to stay calm, but the feeling of his lips and hands makes you close your eyes and tilt your head slightly to give him more space. Jude smiles at your skin.

"You like it, don’t you?" he whispers in his low, satisfying voice. You don’t answer, but the way your body reacts is all he needs to know.

From the driver’s seat, Levi raises a hand to adjust the rear-view mirror, looking at you with an accessory smile. " If I keep feeling that way, I might have to pull over," he jokes, but the

tone is loaded with subtext. " It’s not safe to drive with you guys distracting me like this."

"You drive," Jude replies, without even taking my attention away from you. "I’m just taking care of her."

You laugh slowly, trying to regain control of the situation, but it’s impossible with Jude so close. " Maybe you should focus on the road, Levi," you say in an innocent tone that contrasts the fire you feel inside.

Levi chuckles and shakes his head. "Oh, I’m thinking about it. But trust me, I can’t wait to get home to join the fun."

His words make you beat faster, and the journey to his home seems to last an eternity, every second of tension. Jude continues to kiss your neck, his touch becoming bolder, his hands touching the edge of your dress. Finally, Levi parks in front of an elegant modern house with large windows reflecting the city lights.

"Welcome," says Levi, getting out of the car and opening the door for you. His look is calm but full of promises. "We enter. The evening has just begun."

You look around for a moment, then Jude takes your hand and guides you to the entrance. Levi opens the door and lets you in first, the house lit by a warm and welcoming light. You turn to them, your heart beating like a bat.

Levi reaches you in a few steps, his confident smile makes you feel your heart beat faster. He comes slowly, his eyes seem to study you every moment, as if he is waiting for the perfect moment.

When he finally bends over to you, feel his hands gently leaning against your hips as his lips meet yours in a warm and passionate kiss.

Levi kisses with a confidence that overwhelms you. His hands are just tighter, as if to make sure you don’t go away, but you have no intention of doing so. You raise your arms and walk around her neck, pulling it closer to you as if there is still too much space between you. The warmth of his body against yours is electrifying, and the way he kisses you makes you lose any sense of time.

As you let go completely, you feel a movement behind you. Open your eyes for a moment and notice Jude coming slowly. His gaze is intense, and never turns away from you two. The way he walks, with that innate confidence, raises tension in the air. He says nothing, but the energy that emanates speaks clearly: he does not intend to stay on the sidelines.

Levi detaches himself slightly from you, just for a moment, his eyes meeting with yours as he smiles complicit. " Don’t think you’ve escaped me so easily," he whispers, his voice low and full of desire.

Levi starts kissing your neck while you moan slowly. Jude comes down behind you and lifts the dress that had made him crazy all evening and took off your underwear to then begin to kiss your thighs and you closed your eyes at the touch moaning slowly.

Levi smiled at your neck and Jude smiled at your thigh and then stuck a finger in your folds and you moaned.

Levi looks at you as he starts to pull down the shoulder strap of your dress and moves your bra while he starts to kiss your breast while Jude decides to insert his tongue into your pussy.

"Shit" you moaned as you put your hand on Levi’s hair as you watched him suck your breasts.

"So good this pussy" grunted Jude near your pussy and that made you moan again and you started rubbing your pussy on his face making him moan as he kept eating it like a hungry man.

You felt in heaven: Levi was playing with your breasts and kissing your neck while Jude was eating your pussy.

Jude was kissing your pussy and you spat on his face and he moans licking your cum while you moaned.

When he broke off, he gave him a last kiss and then got up. Levi was still kissing your neck and playing with your tits while you kept moaning.

You turned your head a little to look at Jude and moaned as he was hot with your cum in his face and his mouth open a bit while he tried to catch his breath.

"You taste so good," Jude muttered as he kissed, and you groaned as you pulled her hair.

Levi does not give you time to think. With a smile that promises all sorts of temptation, he takes your hand and guides you through the corridor of his house, with Jude following you closely. The lights are low, and every step seems to amplify the electricity flowing between you three. You find yourself in front of the door to Levi’s room, and he pushes it slowly, revealing an intimate and welcoming environment, dominated by a large bed with dark and soft sheets.

Before you can speak, Levi grabs you by the hips and pulls you against him. Her lips settle back on your neck, exploring every inch with a deliberate slowness that makes you shiver. " I can’t stop thinking how irresistible you are," he whispers against your skin, his deep voice vibrating in your ears. His hands come down on your hips, clenching lightly as to emphasize his grip upon you.

You let go at the moment, your breath getting shorter as her lips descend towards the base of your neck. You raise your hands and walk through his dark hair, pulling him even closer to you, as if you want to hear every movement. "Levi..." Whispers, but the words are lost in the pleasure it causes you.

Jude, who had been watching with a mixture of impatience and desire, approaches with a determined pace. " Don’t forget about me," he says, his voice charged with a slight challenge. He stops beside you, his gaze that moves between you and Levi, before resting definitively on you. His hand lifts up to touch your face, and then it comes down your shoulder, the warm and enveloping touch.

Levi stops for a moment, lifting his head from your neck to look at Jude. "I have no intention of keeping it all to myself," he says with a smile that is both complicit and cheeky. Then he looks at you, his eyes shining with desire. "Are you ready for this?" asks you, his voice low and full of promises.

You cannot answer with words, but the way you clasp against him is sufficient. Jude moves beside you, his body approaching to touch yours, while Levi starts kissing your neck with increasing passion. The room fills with tension, every moment that passes makes you forget everything.

Both of them hurry to strip off. Revealing their long, thick and hard cocks. You moaned as you looked at their dicks and how big they were. You couldn’t stop looking at their dick.

The two of them noticed and smiled. Jude started touching his cock as he looked at you "Don’t worry baby girl we’ll make you feel good". Jude said as Levi began to take off your dress and bra, and as he did so he was biting your neck and you groaned.

When he finished taking off your dress, Levi slapped your butt and made you groan and Jude smiled at the sight of how sexy you were as you moaned.

You come to them and kneel before them and hummed happily as they saw their cock was close to your face.

"Open this beautiful mouth," says Jude in a roaring voice as he lifts his chin and grabs the end of his cock, taking it to your mouth.

When you open your mouth, he enters gently while you swirl your tongue around him enjoying the salty pre-cum. Jude grabs a handful of hair and pulls it slightly to help him guide himself further into your mouth. Hitting the bottom of your throat with tears in your eyes as it pushes back and forth in your mouth. She moans about how good you are and bites her lip as you look at it.

Jude slowly pulls his cock out of your mouth leaving you with an empty mouth, while Levi approaches and smiles at you.

You opened your mouth and slowly slid his big cock into your mouth. He grabs your back and without warning, he puts his dick in the bottom of your throat and slightly gags you.

He moves his hips while his cock continues to abuse the back of your throat. He looks at you and grunts "this beautiful mouth is made to suck my cock". Hearing these words you wept.

He pulls out of your mouth, while a small sliver of saliva follows his cock.

You looked at both of them with desire as they came a little closer to you as they started touching their dick while they were looking at you and grunting and you moaned along with them feeling even more wet.

"Shit, I’m going to cum," said Jude, touching her cock faster and Levi nodded in agreement as he looked at you and kept touching his dick.

"Open that beautiful mouth for us, baby," said Levi and you nodded in obedience.

You opened your mouth and pulled out your tongue while both Levi and Jude spilled on your tongue and the cum also fell on your tits and the rest of your body.

You moaned upon hearing the semen of both your beautiful mouth and they groaned at sight. " So sexy" said Jude grunting and Levi nodded without taking his eyes off you.

Levi and Jude help you to get up and guide you on the bed.

"Lie down for us, darling" Levi muttered and you obeyed and the two smiled.

"What a good girl," said Jude, approaching you and bending over to kiss you.

His hands slide along your naked body and you moaned as he felt his warm hands on your body.

Jude moves away to look down on you and then comes back to you and kisses you passionately.

His tongue explores your mouth, while his hands rest on your waist caressing your skin gently, while you slide your fingers through his hair pulling his breath heavier.

Levi meanwhile caresses your thighs and spreads your legs to get close to your pussy. He kisses the inside of your thighs with sensuality and passion as he approaches your folds, while you can feel his warm breath touching your clitoris and groan in Jude’s mouth.

Levi licked a strip on your folds, making you emit a slight whimper. He laid a gentle kiss on your clitoris before wrapping his tongue around it and gently sucking it. Use slow movements to tease you and make you wiggle and whimper.

He wraps his hands under your thighs to prevent you from moving too much. While you kissed Jude you moaned while Levi kept poking your pussy.

He leaves without a word and you have slowly detached yourself from Jude to look at Levi with despair.

"Please Levi don’t stop" you whimpered as you watched and could swear that his dick got even harder at that connection.

Without saying anything he dives again in your pussy as it starts to eat you. It was like this man had starved to death and the only thing he wanted was your pussy.

Jude smiles at your reaction as you arch your back while I lift it continues to eat you.

Jude begins to bite your neck leaving more marks as he sucks your skin. Meanwhile Levi’s tongue moves faster around your clitoris, slipping two fingers into your entrance and curling it in a provocative way.

Jude grabbed your boob and touched your nipple while sucking the other. Levi has slipped another finger to curl it in the perfect spot, you have gripped Levi’s hair hard making him groan against you.

Pleasure flowed through your body as his tongue swirled around your clitoris, as moans filled the room.

You started screaming as you felt how good it was making you feel as you felt your body tremble.

You spat on Levi’s face and he kept licking your juices while you yelled for overstimulation.

When he broke off, he had a smug smile that made you even more wet and you kissed him.

Jude takes you and rides him by letting his big throbbing cock enter your pussy hole making you moan as you clung to his back.

Jude motioned to Levi to go after you and Levi shove his dick into your asshole making you scream.

The two boys moaned as they heard your walls clenching their big dicks.

"Warn us if it becomes too much" whispered Levi too much in ecstasy feeling as you were squeezing him and Jude nodded closing his eyes trying not to move the hips already.

You nodded and they began to move while all three of you started to groan. Levi starts pushing slowly, before increasing the pace and making his pushes deeper and stronger. Jude pushes from below causing friction as he placed his hands on your hips to guide his movements.

Their movements become faster making you scream moans of pleasure. Levi while pushing his cock harder inside you started licking and sucking your neck and you moaned even louder.

"You’re making me feel so good" you moaned as you lowered your body towards Jude’s and he took advantage of that to take a cowl in your mouth while taking both their dicks.

"Baby girl you’re doing great, you’re making us feel like in heaven" Levi whispered near your ear as he slapped you on the butt making you groan and make you tighten their dicks more.

"This pussy is made to take our dicks," said Jude, taking a powder off your tit and then retaking the assault. You groaned as you moved faster wanting to take more of their dicks.

You moaned as they grunted and pushed their cock deeper inside you. Levi made your back bow more to make their cocks go deeper inside you and you moaned loudly as they both hit your g-spot.

"I’m going to cum" you said while moaning.

"Come baby girl" moaned Jude as he started to hit even harder and you moaned as they were about to come too. You could feel their cocks contracting inside you as you came to your orgasm. Levi cum in the ass while Jude cum in your pussy.You screamed loud as you felt full. " So beautiful" you whimpered as Levi gently pulled himself out of you and gave you a kiss on the butt, back and jaw then give you a sweet kiss on the cheek and you smiled.

You slowly got up from the dick of Jude and then lay down on the bed trying to take area and Jude caressed your hair gently and then gave you sweet kisses on the cheek.

Levi came back with a cloth while with the help of Jude they cleaned and pampered you.

You found yourself hugging Jude and Levi as they whispered sweet words and praise for how well you did.

You felt your legs tremble and had a sore throat but were satisfied by these two men lying next to you.

[thinkinonsense]

Francesca

old!logan howlett x fem!reader

cw: angst, mentions of death, sad logan, a bit of fluff

wc: 800+

a/n: not sure if this will be the last part of the mini-series or not. i think i'll only add more if im inspired. i have a new mini-series idea for old man!logan so be on the lookout for that in a week or so.

hozier mini-series masterlist

-ˋˏ ༻❁✿❀༺ ˎˊ-

Logan had lost a lot in his life. He watched people he cared about die right before his eyes; the ultimate curse of living such a long life. Everyone he loved had to go at some point, and for the most part, he accepted that until you entered his life.

He did everything he could to ensure your safety, and for the most part, it worked. The only place where you weren't protected was in his nightmares.

Ever since you two met, the nightmares appear less and less but they also never fully disappear either. Logan still wakes up in cold sweats and haunting images of your bloody body dead in his arms.

"Hey! Hey! I'm alright, honey." You whispered in an attempt to bring him back to reality. "I'm here. I'm right here."

The only thing that helps him calm down is when you place one of his hands over your heart; skin to skin, feeling your heartbeat pulse and knowing that you are indeed alive and lying next to him.

Logan's heavy breathing eases after a few moments. He carefully wraps you into his arms, placing you on his chest. You knew in times like these that Logan needed to feel you.

"No one's going to hurt me." You assure him.

"We don't know for sure..." He sighs. "and I can't risk that."

"I know for sure. You know how I am so certain that no one will hurt me?" You don't allow time for Logan to answer. Your fingers lace themselves with his, bringing this hand up to his and softly placing kisses over the slits in between his knuckles. "Because I feel safest with you and these claws are part of the reason why."

Logan wasn't one to blush or feel all mushy deep inside himself but those little kisses amazed him. He admired your kindness and patience towards him. It took him forever to understand how you did it.

"Sorry for waking you up, princess." He says, trailing his fingertips up and down your back. "Didn't mean to scare ya'."

"Do you honestly think I scare that easily?" Your light giggle almost makes Logan smile.

"Guess not." He shrugs, admiring how a sliver of moonlight catches on your face. "But in any other normal relationship you wouldn't have to deal with this bullshit-"

"Hey!" You whisper, springing up to fully face him now, soft hands holding each side of his face. "This isn't bullshit."

"It is, sweetheart." Logan sighs. "I'm selfish."

"How are you selfish?"

"Because you deserve to live a long life with someone who won't damn you."

"I don't care if you damn me!" Your voice raised, not in anger but in passion. "I love you. I love all of you. When they cut me open someday that's all they will find; my love for you pouring from inside of me."

Logan pulls you impossibly closer, afraid of you slipping away. His heart pounded with love; beating solely for your existence.

"Heaven couldn't house a love like ours."

There's a heaviness in your heart as you look into Logan's hazel eyes. even after all these years, it broke your heart that Logan always felt like you were made of sand. sure, you weren't a mutant like him but you wouldn't go down without a fight. he's always afraid that someone from his past will come for revenge and you'll be the one to pay for it.

"I don't want you to be so worried, lo.." you whisper, thumb soothing the salt and pepper beard that's bloomed over the last few days. "when my time comes, I don't want you to feel responsible for it."

Death was always a sensitive topic for both of you. your death, more specifically because someday it will come no matter if either of you is ready or not. Logan doesn't think he can live without you; you tell him that he's survived before you and will survive after you. he doesn't believe you.

"I've waited all my life for you. every agonizing, torturous moment brought me to you." his voice starts to strain. "now, you are all I have left to live for... so, when you're gone, babydoll, I won't be far behind you."

Tears roll down your cheek. overwhelmed with love and fear because you can't stop Logan from taking his own life if you die. he lays you back down on his chest carefully.

Logan had seen everything the world had to offer him; most of it was utter shit until he was graced with your presence. all he wanted to do with the rest of his life was shield you from all of the horrid darkness he had seen. you were too pure and he intended to keep you far away from it all, for as long as the two of you walked this earth.

[hotjaneaustenmenpoll]

Third Place Poll

Propaganda...

Colonel Brandon (1995):

Alan Rickman has the sexiest voice. Just listen to him reading poetry to Marianne at the end to witness how hot he is.

Alan Rickman simply embodies the truth of Col. Brandon in a way that no one else every could. It's the perfect merging of actor and role. He brings the perfect combination of honor, decency, sensitivity and passion. He is the ultimate mensch.

Brandon propaganda in which even the film's director agrees that Brandon is sexy.

More Brandon propaganda! This photo could only be published in black and white because it would have been too powerful in color (the original color version is currently being used to provide electricity for a medium sized town in Devon. It's THAT powerful).

The brim of the hat falling over his eye. The casual lean. The hunting rifle slung across his leg. The puppy bestie. The fact you know he could row that boat while you watch and wish you were the boat.

From Emma Thompson's diaries which she kept while they were shooting Sense & Sensibility. Emma Thompson said vote Colonel Brandon.

The man has just heard her sing for a minute and he’s positively awestruck!

also adding his adorable adorable smile just bc i can.

Mr Knightley (2009):

Johnny Lee Miller as Knightley is JUST SO. I mean the way he says "if I loved you less I might be able to talk about it more" IS JUUUST. The dance scene. The tentative shy smiles. The fact you can see in his eyes the entire time " I am completely in love with this woman. She'll never love me back BUT I DO NOT CARE I'LL LOVE HER FROM A DISTANCE ANYWAY" IS JUUUUUUST

We need to appreciate Mr Knightley more for both his snark and for those soft eyes just so full of love for Emma

GIF by dearemma

I was just going to send in the actual dance but the little panic he has when Emma says she knows his secret is just soo charming. There was some thread on twitter a few years ago about how a romcom man's most important quality is knowing how to look at a woman and JLM is just the master of it in this Emma

I really feel like the pictures say it all. He stands there, head tilted to one side. He is listening to you. His posture is relaxed. His gaze open, frank, candid. He's not trying at all. He just is.And that's why he is Knightley.

GIF by night-unfurls-its-splendour

Some propaganda, not just for Jonny Lee Miller, but the general interpretation of 09 Knightley. I have some excerpts here from my review of the 09 adaptation:

What I really think is great about the 2009 interpretation of Mr. Knightley is what an easy and comforting presence he is, without being apologetic when he scolds Emma. I think this is communicated especially well by how often we are actually shown Mr. Knightley taking his almost-daily walks to Hartfield, how smoothly he comes and goes, and how happy Emma is every time she sees him coming up the path (usually, just at the perfect moment when she needs something to put her back to rights.)

64.media.tumblr.com

Here is Emma, feeling lonely after Miss Taylor's wedding. And in the background, walking up to Hartfield--there's Knightley. He's always been there for her, and he always will be.

And also this Mr. Knightley is as understated as ever, but I wanna highlight this outfit and why I love it: This is Knightley’s first appearance in the series and it’s the perfect establishing shot that shows the viewer everything they need to know about Emma and Knightley’s relationship and how it has always been. He sort of materializes, out of focus in the background, but Emma immediately knows he’s there. And to accentuate how much Knightley is part of her home and scenery, his clothes (similar shades of pale tan, white and minty green to the wall behind him) almost camouflage him and make him seem at one with the moulding of her home.

Additionally, Jonny Lee Miller captures Knightley’s playful qualities, and his exasperation is so endearing

GIF by christophernolan

GIF by sashajames

GIF by christophernolan

I can’t be the only one tickled by this Knightley’s frustration with Emma! JLM FTW!

Jonny Lee Miller is mesmerizing in any role he inhabits. It’s 2009 Knightly all the way.

no but can you actually go vote for mr knightley he was FOUNDATIONAL for 16 year old me my favourite portrayal of my favourite austen man cannot fall at this hurdle!!!

He is my ultimate Austen Dream Man, I'm with him until the end. Honestly this adaptation is my very favorite of them all (P&P 1995 is a VERY close second) because it made me fall in love with Emma as a story? Honestly no other adaptation or indeed even my reading of the book made me love it quite as much. My crush on JLM goes back to 1995 and I do think he is one of the better actors of his generation - his range alone is just impeccable. The fact that he can go from Sick Boy to Mr. Knightley to Sherlock to Jordan Chase is really something. Of all the actors I know, his range is the most impressive. But i love how bright and sunny this adaptation is. The colors, it is as vibrant as Emma should be! The Kate Beckinsale Emma is dark and terrifying to me, not at all suitable an adaptation. I like the Paltrow Emma a lot, but it's got the same issue the 2005 P&P has for me -- it's just too short. This is tonally just right, and the casting is lovely, and JLM is just at his dashing best. His face is so expressive, he is so capable of communicating so much without saying a word. His open jealousy of Frank Churchill is delightful to watch. His face when Emma tells him his secret is out at the ball! JLM is maybe the most underrated actor of his generation and I LOVE that he has been multiple Austen heroes. I maintain that in a future adaptation of Pride & Prejudice, an older JLM would make an EXCELLENT Mr. Bennet. He would convey the right amount of grumpy but fond beautifully.

Look. Do people realize JLM hates wearing period clothing AND hates dancing? And yet in Emma he's sashaying around in pink jackets looking amazing and is THAT convincing? That's called BRILLIANT ACTING!!

A tiny bit of Mr Knightley 2009 propaganda but I love that they put in that bit from the book where he looks like he's going to kiss Emma's hand when he's saying goodbye but then he hesitates and doesn't and I just...it's such a tiny detail but conveys so much!

GIF by myforeverworldofmovie

It’s the only Emma adaptation that really hits the romance notes well. Knightley’s crowning moment of awesome really feels like it (when he rescues Harriet from humiliation) and his subsequent dancing with Emma does make you feel a shift in their relations. Love this adaptation. - This Knightley and Emma in particular are equals. They quarrel, not because he’s telling her off, but because they can have an argument because they know each other, trust each other and care about each others opinions, and there is never a sense of domination of one over the other. This adds so much fire to the romance, and it’s so unusual for a romance of that era (or even one written today!!). - Emma is rich, clever and beautiful and as powerful as a woman of her age and situation could be at the time and she married Knightley for no other reason but because he’s her best friend and his company for the rest of her life will enrich her. - He even leaves his house to move in with her!

GIF by elinordash

[skipper1331]

Is it too late to make things right? // Grace Clinton

a/n: based off this request. Hope you enjoy it!

Everything Grace Clinton did, made you furious.

It didn’t matter if it was the way she talked, laughed or played - even just her breathing, blinking or existing made you more than angry.

You hated Grace Clinton with a passion and no, not without any reason, as everybody always said.

"Don’t be so rude to Gracie, she did nothing wrong"

"Can‘t you be nice to her for once?"

"It‘s her debut show some respect"

You hated Grace Clinton for what she did to you and the way she had humiliated you.

But in fact, you respected her debut, she played phenomenally but obviously you didn’t tell her that - you didn’t talk to her at all.

After the game, you walked to the changing room, not looking at the midfielder or giving her congratulations for her game.

"What the fuck is your problem?" the voice of Alessia shrilled through the hall.

"Are you talking to me?" you asked dumbfounded, confused on what the problem was.

"Who else?"

Shrugging your shoulders, you looked at her. "Come on, out of everybody you were the first one to flee the scene"

"and apparently, you the second one, hm?" you cut her off, "Alessia, say what you want to say or leave me alone" you stated firmly, even though you already knew what the problem was: Grace Clinton.

Taken back from your firm voice and the use of Alessia instead of Less made her crumble under your gaze - you loved nicknames, you rarely called people by their actual name.

"What is your problem with Grace?" she asked anyways.

"I don’t have a problem with Clinton"

There it was - Clinton, it clearly showed your disliking.

Alessia knew you well enough to know that that was a lie, not only because you were a terrible liar but the Clinton gave it away. If Lessi had to describe you, she would say "When she calls you by a nickname, she loves you - you’re her friend. When she calls you by your actual name, she a) doesn’t know you yet or b) the situation is serious. When you get called by your surname, there is a problem."

"Didn’t think you’d be a liar" she replied, slowly getting annoyed at your behavior. Grace was like a little sister to her, she had to be protected at all costs.

"And I don’t think I have asked for your opinion"

With that you turned back around and continued your walk to the changing room.

"Ever since Grace is here you’re an absolute ass!" the blonde yelled after you.

-

You avoided Alessia, and Grace even more after your encounter with the blonde. Out of everyone, you didn’t expect Alessia to be rude to you. Not only because she‘s a sunshine herself but because she‘s your club teammate too. But it’s about Clinton, of course she would protect her.

What Alessia didn’t know was that her sweet Gracie was an ass herself, rude and mean.

-

"Hey"

You looked up from your book, seeing Less in front of you, before taking a seat beside you.

"Can I help you?" you asked, turning the page in your book, focusing on the words there.

The striker sighed, thinking about what to say - she stayed silent.

"I‘m not in the mood for being yelled at again, so with all respect, please leave me alone"

"I‘m sorry for my outburst" she apologized, "I’m just trying to understand what the problem is.."

This time it was you who sighed, closing the book, "Less, I don’t want to be rude, but it‘s none of your business. Gracie is not the person she used to be and neither am I. We play for the same country and that‘s it" you stood up from your seat, intending to leave - running away.

Alessia was shocked, not about the part where you said it’s none of her business - she knew you were right - you didn’t call the current Tottenham player Clinton but Gracie. You could have chosen anything yet you said Gracie, a nickname.

"What happened between the two of you?" Her hand on your arm stopped you, Lessi‘s voice caring.

On clue, said person came into view, locking eyes with you.

"We grew apart"

It was the longest eye contact you had with her since what? maybe years. Familiar feelings rummaged through your body - looking into the eyes you once loved so dearly.

Anger was displayed on her face, marching over as she purposely and aggressively bumped into you, "watch where you‘re going" she spat which you only ignored.

"What the fuck, Alessia" the midfielder growled, pulling her somewhere more private.

"Why are you talking to her about me!"

"Grace-"

"No, Alessia! This is absolutely none of your fucking business. She broke up with me years ago, so let her be!"

"Who broke up with whom?" The noisy voice of Ella chipped in. The place Grace chose wasn‘t as private as she had thought.

"Y/n was your girlfriend?"

The young lioness inhaled, closing her eyes for a brief moment, "no.. she ended things before I could ask her."

"Why?" Tooney asked as the best friends shared a look.

"We should go on a walk" the blonde striker then proposed, to which Grace surprisingly agreed. The topic had been bothering her for years, not knowing what she had done wrong, that you didn't want anything to do with her anymore. From one day to the next you ignored her, stopped talking to her - didn't even look at her. What had she done wrong? Her heart still breaks when she thinks back to the evening when everything went downhill. She wanted to ask you that night if you would like to be her girlfriend. You had danced around your feelings quite a while, even though you both knew there was something there - the stolen kisses, the sneaky touches, the love letters - but you broke her heart before she could ask you, even though the real reason was that she had broken your heart first.

"Why haven’t you talked to us?" Lessi asked as the three of them walked outside of the facility in Spain.

Shrugging her shoulders, "there was never a reason to" she replied, "we never played at the same club, so it was easy for her to avoid me, same goes with the call up - she got hers earlier, so we didn’t see each other at camps either"

"How do you feel now? Seeing her?" this time it was Ella who asked.

"I‘m being rude to her. And I know that‘s not right, but it‘s- I don’t even know, unspoken anger I guess, because she just broke my heart and because that‘s the only attention I will get from her…"

"You loved her, didn’t you?"

"I do"

"Do?"

"Did? Have? Do? I don’t know" she mumbled, "how could I not? You know her, she‘s more than incredible"

Years later, Grace still wasn’t over you, being near you made it clear. She couldn’t get over the things she felt for you. You were the first girl she‘s kind of been with. You were her first love story and her first love.

Putting her feelings aside, busying herself with work didn’t heal her, it just made her feelings more intense as they came crashing down now.

"Have you ever tried talking to her?"

"Of course! I asked her so many times what I did wrong, she never answered me" she sighed.

Alessia and Ella had never seen their friend so vulnerable and tired. Her facade had dropped, she deeply cared about you yet all the unanswered questions turned into anger - she just didn’t know how to deal with her feelings and the struggle of not having you in her life.

She missed you.

-

To say that Ella and Alessia saw you differently now was only partly correct. Both of them had many questions, what did happen? What was the reason you ended things before they even started? Has Grace done something wrong? But most importantly: Was there a way to make amends?

It was the next day after training when the best friends decided to take matters into their own hands. You two had to sort things out. The rudeness started getting more and more while the tension grew thicker each second. To be fair, it didn’t affect either of your or the teams playing performance as you kept things professional on the pitch yet off the pitch both of you acted like angry toddlers towards each other.

"We need to do something" Ella huffed at Alessia, both of them watching you growling at Grace.

"Do what? Lock them in a room??" Alessia intended to joke which the midfielder took seriously. "That‘s an awesome idea!", pulling the girl towards Mary - they definitely needed her help.

And when Mary was introduced to the idea, the three, so called master minds, came up with a perfect plan.

-

"Grace, wanna play darts?" Ella asked the young lioness, grinning.

"Um, maybe later" asked person replied as she relaxed on one of the bean bags in the 'movie' room.

"Are you afraid you‘ll loose?" Tooney challenged - she knew Grace could never back down a challenge and not even the slightest when it was something as simple as darts. It can’t be that hard to throw a dart, can it?

Meanwhile Mary asked you the exact same, the only difference that you agreed in an instant, darts something you loved to play in camps.

Walking to the 'game' room of the facility - a room with darts, pool and table football - the gk and you talked about the last upcoming friendly.

Arriving in the room, "I forgot my lucky dart!" Mary suddenly stated, leaving the room quickly, "I’m back in a moment" she called.

Not thinking anything about it, you waited for her to come back.

She didn’t.

In fact, when the door opened again, someone stumbled into the room before the door was quickly locked.

"Ella?!"

"Sorry for pushing you!" the man united player answered behind the closed door.

"Why are you locking me in this room?"

"Turn around" you answered.

The current Tottenham player jumped, "don‘t scare me like that!" her hand clutching over her heart, trying to calm down.

"You have to sort things out" Alessia joined the conversation.

"We can play darts after that" Mary added.

"We‘ll be back in an hour"

You grumbled under your breath, marching away from Grace who stood in front of the door hoping it would open magically.

"I guess, we have to talk if we want to leave this room today" Grace said after 10 minutes of an awkward silence.

"No thanks" you responded nonchalantly. You didn‘t want to talk to Grace ever again unless it was work related.

"Come on, don’t be so stubborn" the midfielder slowly walked towards you sitting on the pool table.

"Grow up, Clinton"

"I grew up while we grew apart" she mocked your words - words that hadn’t left her mind ever since you said them. What did you even mean by that? You haven’t grown apart - you ended things out of nowhere!

"Clinton, leave me alone"

That was the last straw, "can you fucking stop with the Clinton?!" she snapped, stepping right in front of you. She hated it. Yes, it was her surname and she loved to see it on the back of jerseys but she hated it when you called her that. What happened to Gracie? Lovely girl? Or love?

"Get a grip, Clinton"

There was no point in making an effort - you wouldn’t talk, you‘ve made that very clear.

Grace walked to the other side of the room, sitting down on the little bench that was the next to the dartboard.

She felt helpless. And even though she was in the same room, it felt like the two of you were oceans apart.

The silence was deafening.

You didn’t mind that - as long as Grace was shutting her mouth, you‘d be fine with everything.

Grace did mind it - it made her anxious. She was closer to you than she had been in years. This was her opportunity to find out what she did wrong and what the reason was that you hated her now. What happened to being friends? Secret Lovers? What’s happened to the chance of being together forever?

"Y/n/n, please" the young lioness almost whispered. You froze, you hadn’t heard that one in years - the midfielder, the only one who ever used that nickname.

"Just answer one question and I promise you to never talk to you again off pitch"

"You better keep that promise" you said firmly, turning around as the Tottenham player jumped up, walking towards you.

Leaning against the table football, she thought about her questions - which would be the best to ask.

"What did I do wrong?" It was the most obvious question to ask but maybe the answer would finally give Grace some inner peace.

"Seriously? Of all the questions you could have asked, you chose one where you already know the answer-"

"But I don‘t! I don’t know anything! Out of nowhere you cut me off! Pretending I don’t exist!"

"You don‘t exist to me anymore" you stated rather calmly while Grace was gesticulating wildly, frown and the wrinkle between her brows deepening.

"How can you say that?! I used to be important to you"

Lowly, you empathized "Used to" which was only partly true. Parts of your heart always yearned for Grace, hoping she was doing well and achieving all of her dreams.

A part of you still loved Grace Clinton, and forever will.

"Just- just answer the question, please"

"You humiliated me, Grace, you humiliated me in the worst way you ever could."

"How? I‘m so in love with you, i would never dream of upsetting you in any way."

You laughed, clapping your hands, "You‘re funny"

"What‘s wrong with you?!"

"What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you?" You felt yourself getting angry, starting to match her furios energy. As if Grace didn‘t know what she had done - what sick game was she playing?

"You humiliated me, Grace, that’s what wrong. How could you? I thought- i thought you liked me. At least enough to keep private things private and not to read them out loud in the fucking locker room!" your voice took many changes in that short statement. It started off calm, before it turned sad, almost vulnerable as the last part was full of venom.

The midfielder froze on the spot, arms falling to her sides as she realized what the problem had been years ago and still was.

The unknown feeling exposed now, flashbacks crossing her mind from that day, "the letters" left her mouth, eyes wide. How could it be that she hadn't thought of this sooner? Now everything made sense! Your anger and hostility towards her, the abrupt break in contact. The world was no longer your enemy, your only enemy was someone you believed would never break your heart. A someone that had promised you to fight with you against the world but instead, she had weakened you so much that you no longer had the strength to do so - your last strength was directed against her.

"Exactly. I‘ve heard what you said, Grace. And the worst part? You didn’t even read them. Our friend read them out loud and you laughed about them, telling the whole locker room that i was weirdly obsessed with you 'Nah. I don‘t stand her - she follows me around like a lost puppy. I don‘t even like girls' I remember everything, word for word, Clinton"

Your eyes turned glossy, you never healed from that humiliation.

"Listen to me-"

"No, you will listen to me." you growled, your voice was so full of anger, stepping towards her to intimidate her, "stay away from me"

Grace was breathing heavily, her eyes darting around your face - you were so close to her.

Not in control of her soul, mind or body, Grace smashed her lips against yours, hands gripping your hips as she pulled you close.

You couldn’t even register what was happening before your body responded in kissing her back - matching her energy.

The kiss was nothing like the kisses you shared before - it was feisty, all anger purred into this one kiss.

Yet it felt so good, your heart felt peace, an old familiar feeling you only ever felt when you were with the lioness. The walls you had built around it were gone. So even though Gracie was the reason why you had built them in the first place, she was now the reason why they collapsed.

When you slowly came to your senses, you pushed her away, lips swollen from kissing each other, feeling dizzy at the intensity and the feeling of happiness it had given you.

"I‘m sorry-"

"A sorry won‘t fix anything!" you shouted. You were so confused.

It was the first time where you ever had raised your voice at Grace. You didn’t mean the kiss but the girl knew exactly what you were referring to. And even though, you didn‘t like shouting or yelling in general, let alone at someone like Gracie, you defended yourself with that - an apology wouldn’t fix anything nor would a kiss.

"Sorry, I didn’t mean to raise my voice" you said, not liking a shouting atmosphere or the sad look in Grace‘s eyes.

"It‘s okay" the midfielder breathed out shakily, "you know, all of your love notes are in my wallet. I read them at least once a day" she admitted, staring at the floor, not being able to trust her voice if she would look you in the eye, "It was stupid to think that I didn‘t know what I have done wrong while it was in fact right in front of me. I broke your heart the day you broke mine." taking a deep breath, she sorted her thoughts, "I have no right to ask for your forgiveness, all I want to do is give you an explanation."

You nodded slightly - you always wanted an explanation but instead of confronting the girl that day, you ran away, protecting yourself more and more over the years.

"One of the girls found your letters in my bag when they searched for something, I don’t even remember what. She read them out loud while I was on the other side of the locker room talking to your friend. I asked her, if I had her blessing to ask you to be my girlfriend. I knew how important it was to you and since she was the only who knew about us, that was the least I could do. We never talked about telling our teammates, so when she read the letters, I panicked. I panicked because I didn‘t want to be outed by someone else. I also panicked because I didn’t know if you‘d be okay with me admitting our- my love for you. I got so scared in that moment, that my self-protection mechanism answered before I could even reflect the situation. It felt like a stranger was controlling me. And you‘re right, 'sorry' won‘t fix anything but I want you to know that it was never my intention to break your heart. I meant it when I said that I want you to be mine forever. I have always loved you and I don’t think, that I will ever love someone who isn‘t you. So, even though it won‘t fix anything; I sincerely want to apologize. I‘m proud of you and the footballer you became - I will always be your number one fan"

Throughout her explanation, three things remained in your mind,

1. I don’t think I will ever love someone else - did that mean she still loved you?

2. Strangely, you believed every word she said. Grace had never lied to you - she was a terrible liar anyways.

3. Ask you to be my girlfriend - she wanted to make things official..?

"I did. I wanted you to be my girlfriend the second you smiled at me. I remember your shy smile, the way you looked everywhere, only briefly stopping at me." she chuckled, a love sick smile on her face.

"I thought I said that only in my head" you mumbled, cheeks turning red.

As Grace took a step closer, her hands cupping your cheeks, so you would look at her instead of the floor. "I never wanted to be your enemy" she whispered, her lips pressing tenderly against your forehead - a confession and a promise.

In that moment, both of you realized that maybe it wasn‘t too late to make things right. But it would take time and patience for you to learn how to love and trust each other again.

[the-lambda-archives-ai]

Statement of : Gordon Martinez Freeman, 30 year old MIT graduate,Regarding a peculiar video game he’d found.

Recorded direct from subject, May 16, 200-

Statement begins.

Pt 1 > here

ABOUT 👇

Hello! I am the author of this AU, you can find my main at @inkzectz , for more meta questions about this AU, or for general comments about it, please go there.

What is the AU about?

LA : AI is a crossover AU of sorts, in the simplest way put, it’s TMA but with HLVRAI characters, TMA stuff happens but altered to fit the general HLVRAI narrative, and with my own changes, headcanons, etc. added

I will be updating/editing this post as I progress.

Will it have spoilers?

Disclaimer!!

The AU will have a lot of the original themes of hlvrai and more so TMA, more so, horror themes, this will include gore, body horror, worms, decomposition, cult themes, psychological horror, arachnophobia,flashing imagery, etc.

(Will update as I go on)

I also feel it is important to mention this is the first time I have ever made a ask blog/ web comic/ published a story online, I will make mistakes, please bare with me as I am trying to figure things out.

English is not my first language, I do my best to grammar check and write well, but at the end of the day I will also be making mistakes.

Please be patient with me.

This au is a passion project of mine that I am doing on my free time because I want to, it is important to remember as a reader, I do not owe you anything.

It is best if you’ve seen it but as of writing it right now (early ep 4) there aren’t any spoilers. Once I am a little further ahead then you may want to listen to it.

Yes, not a lot, but vague/mild spoilers about how the world works, plot points, and character.

Again the spoilers will be vague and mild at worst, as it progresses I would recommend listening to tma, but it’s sort of like how while half life knowledge is helpful in hlvrai it isn’t exactly necessary to enjoy hlvrai bc it’s different enough from it to not really matter (?) I hope that makes sense.

Asks rules

- No telling [ player ] exactly what happens ex : “omg [ player ] when you weren’t looking [ npc ] said this very important thing that is supposed to be kept secret for lore reasons”

- Please avoid asks like “tell this character they’re pretty” while I appreciate the compliment, I am trying to write a story and want to keep things as on topic as possible. Instead tell me on my main if you like the art, I’ll probably reply with a doodle or something, just not on here.

- Less so of a rule but more so of a general statement, I will be avoiding asks that either are too close to what happens or if answering would mean progressing the story too quickly, there’s a lot I want to happen and I want time to do it all.

- Another one that’s less of a rule and more of a general thing, if I don’t like what you said I won’t be answering.

- I also sometimes just don’t know how to answer some things.

- Please be respectful of the ships I choose to include and don't force your own, ship wars and such will not be tolerated.

- Please be respectful of others and do not spoil anything, not everyone has listened to TMA and knows it's themes.

I will not be answering everything, I cannot always get to every message so please be respectful of that.

Select character

Character abouts! [ Will be updating as I continue to work on the story ]

[ select ] > Mr. Freeman

> Gordon Martinez ‘Martini’ Freeman

30 y.o . 6’0 . 230lb . Romani / Puertorican . male [ he/him ] . bisexual

[ PLAYER ]

> Lives in Seattle, MIT graduate, left Black Mesa, works as a librarian IRL but also makes money via streaming video games occasionally, in real time it is 2018.

> Believes in the paranormal out of fear but tries to rationalize out of denial, he will never admit something is supernatural and will jump through hoops to rationalize even if deep down he does believe.

> Has a son named Joshua Medrano Freeman, who is 6 years old, Gordon and his old partner met in college but split up before Joshua was born, they remain civil but are nothing more to each other than Joshua’s other parent.

> Gordon rents an apartment with 3 rooms, his own room, Joshua’s room, and a third that used to be a guest room but he has so little visitors he’s just chosen to revamp it into a gaming room.

> Gordon works primarily in a library for now as he’s looking for a better job.

> Gordon often wears hoodies, sweaters, t-shirts, crew necks, and any general outfit one would wear at home, long curly hair that is beginning to grey due to stress, unkempt goatee, and almost always wears green tinted glasses [ he doesn’t need glasses he just thinks they’re cool ]

> His hair is usually pulled back in a ponytail but can also be found in a bun or just down.

< [ select ] > Mr. Coolatta

> Thomas ‘Tommy’ Coolatta, primary researcher, and technical head of the institute.

39 y.o . 6’7 . 190lb . Chinese/filipino . Male [ he/him ] . ???

[ NPC ]

> His father owns the Lambda institute and he grew up in it, he officially started working in the archives when he was 24, and of all the employees in the entire institute he has worked there the longest.

> No one knows who his father really is, Tommy being the only one who’s ever actually seen / spoken to him, his father is the real head of the institute but gives most his orders through Tommy, so Tommy is also technically the head as well.

> Not much is actually known about him, besides his father he doesn’t appear to have any other family, nor does he ever speak of his personal life much.

> Tommy primarily works as an archival assistant, specifically in research, he is the one who will verify details regarding statements or do further investigations into aspects of the statements.

> Tommy is quite the colorful character, often wearing colorful clothing and accessories, he seems to think doing so brings some cheer into an otherwise boring environment, he often wears patterned polo shirts, cheap company bracelets, pins, lanyards, pant chains, but is never without his signature multicolor propeller hat.

[revoevokukil]

Ciri's Trilogy

Ever since The Witcher 3 was published, concurrently with which I first read A. Sapkowski’s works, I have wanted a trilogy of games about Ciri. Any fanfiction would do, including CDPR’s one. Fanfiction, because I believe Sapkowski wanted to leave Ciri’s future open to the imagination of everyone. It’s part of her charm—she gives hope that anything at all can happen. Hence, in all honesty, I just wanted to continue imagining her story: beyond the end of Lady of the Lake, beyond the end of The Witcher 3. I want to read more about Ciri. Period. Consequently, I am now elated, but also terrified.

I don’t take issue with Ciri, the witcher, I take issue with Ciri having gone through the Trial of the Grasses. I hope CD Projekt Red will change their minds about this, or at very least makes it work differently on Ciri—the Child of Destiny—than on other witchers. For starters because, as Geralt notes in Sword of Destiny, the witchers believe the Child of Destiny would not need the Trials. Ciri is special. She is a mutant carrying the blood of elves, mutated in conjunction with the human genome. Elder Blood, witcher-trained, magic-capable, princess, heir of an Emperor & descendant of another such beyond the stars, prophesised mother to another even more powerful mutant saviour, if not a saviour of elves herself. She is extraordinary; she does what witchers do despite of it all, despite not getting or needing the mutations.

’What can you know about saving the world, silly? You’re but a witcher.’

But now she is just… also one?

The sceptic in me says the only reason they went for Trials for Ciri was to keep it close to how the gameplay holds up. To have a "witcher-eyed", female protagonist upholding their brand. So it could be about potions and signs additionally to what Ciri would have had by default → oils + magic + Elder Blood. I would like for them to give us witcher Ciri, but book-Ciri - a witcher girl setting off after monsters while remaining herself, with her own struggles and unique perspective on the universe. This here feels more like a PR move, and I don’t like it in the grand scheme of things; even while seeing a rough and capable Ciri tickles my heart in a special way. There were other ways to gamify her abilities; they are giving her magic use anyway, after all. It feels a little cheap. In fact, I can see how Elder Blood—Ciri’s uniqueness—is precisely how CDPR can handwave away the Trials, but isn’t the “cosmetic” aspect of it exactly the point? It makes the decision hollow, a ploy, but if you were to give this decision depth then you would run the risk of overstacking your protagonist and forgoing the spirit in which her character was conceived and relates to witchers and the world.[^1]

Moving on. This was the only part that I did not like and, as ever, there are ways of writing yourself out of this. (I dearly hope they have writers who love book Ciri.)

A few years have passed since the end of The Witcher 3 when The Witcher 4 begins. Witcher Ciri wants to be the hero. She has always wanted to do the right thing; she is always picking sides. She is young, she is idealistic, and she is furious. It’s what seems to unite the Ciri in The Witcher 4 with her at the end of The Witcher 3.

"She's almost obsessed with the way she lives. There are some moments where you have to go with your heart instead of always going with the calculated calls. And this is what I love in Ciri. She's less calculating, following her heart, her passion, her gut feel.” - Source

In both the published and draft endings to The Witcher 3, Ciri chooses potentially fatal, self-sacrificial “rituals” for the greater good. She chooses; you, the player, cannot do anything about it. (In the drafts you could, but it turned out to be a bad decision.) In the trailer though, it seems like Ciri is almost running away from herself, or something else, by the way she dives into this life. This intrigues and has storytelling potential - getting what you have always wanted is one of the most dangerous things in the world.

The world and people keep disappointing her, however, and, as the monster used in the trailer not very covertly insinuates: “fate cannot be changed”, "you weren't supposed to come back.” In this sense it almost feels like The Witcher 3 should have been Ciri’s story from the very beginning, because they are revisiting important beats from it and, after only a few years, are likely to handle loose threads. Ciri’s struggle is with having been born to exceptionality, to a destiny larger than life, yet desperately trying to make it smaller for the sake of her soul.

The insinuation made about Ciri’s life through Mioni—the peasant girl offered in sacrifice to a local “God” for the greater good of the community—is not subtle. This is Ciri fighting off the echo of her own story, trying to change such fates in principle. For Mioni, if not for herself. Saving her from being ritually sacrificed—as in prophecies. The monster she faces, by the way, preys on trauma. No subtlety here, whatsoever.

“At first glance, it seems that it is just the flower that is floating on top of the water,” says Kalemba of a cleansing sequence in a bathtub. “But the fun fact is that this is a very Slavic kind of flower. This is a special flower that people in the medieval era were using in special moments to defeat evil. It is very symbolic. Every single frame here is very meaningful.” - Source

But the world and people keep disappointing; Ciri's good deed goes unrewarded, and Mioni dies anyway. Because in principle the Mechanism is set up in a certain way and it is running and it is not easy to grind it to a halt without casualties. How much then is Ciri ready to sacrifice if she is wont to pick a side and fight no matter what? Such questions, I intuit, may become relevant later in her trilogy, but the seeds are sown. Because frankly, in the trailer, Ciri comes off as in The Tower of the Swallow: she has figured out philosophy. It’s a little naive and lacking in experience, seeing the world narrowly, focusing on her truth. It’s very youthful. It’s also—curiously enough—backtracking from the end of The Witcher 3.

What happened in-between The Witcher 3 and The Witcher 4, and, overall, the books and the games? I predict that in Ciri's first solo they may be doing a parallel in the spirit of Lady of the Lake’s ending - Ciri running away from herself/past/failure while attempting to build a new life. It's relatively safe, it's solid. Additionally, in CDPR's original concept for The Witcher 3's "witcher ending," Ciri was meant to experience a profound disillusionment with the witcher's path. After facing the harsh realities of the profession, she would abandon it entirely, choosing instead to traverse the universe in search of ways to atone for running from her destiny—a destiny that demanded she use her extraordinary powers for the greater good of many beings across different realms. It’s possible a double-bottom is hiding in plain sight.

I hope they will explore a truly morally ambiguous Ciri, letting her be messy and problematic rather than simply heroic. I hope they address her past experiences with nuance, not shying away from the ugliness. I hope they let her get drunk in her obsession with the witcher life for a while, break hearts, slowly begin stitching her own back together perhaps. I hope they navigate into the heart of her magic, touch the painful humanity within without forgetting that she has an origin story already, and dare to explore her as Her.

Footnotes

[^1]: I am also sure they go through with the plot where facing the White Frost has locked or seemingly robbed her of her Elder Blood abilities, for better or worse. And since this is going to be a trilogy I will further bet she will get those abilities back as the stakes for her climb higher and higher toward the end game. The other pathway would be that she starts out as having it all, so to speak, and ends up with nothing at all (but we did not see her blink here, I think, so I doubt this); finally "normal." At whatever cost. Narratively in a computer game, for a character who is the Grail, THE person who could do it all, this sort of shuffling makes sense. You can keep the gameplay fresh.

[myargalargan]

Polin's theme - a musical Polinalysis

Alright...I am very rusty with this stuff (I studied music theory ohhh 15 years ago or so) but I couldn't resist delving deeper into the subject of this post. Anyone else with more expertise in this area, I'd love to know your thoughts!

So, we hear a lovely soaring orchestral theme in the background when Colin and Penelope kiss for the first time, yes? To remind ourselves, here's the theme in full.

The actual theme starts at about the 18s mark, but I included those initial 18 seconds because what's going on in the strings at that point helps orient us in the proper key. There's a resolution to a D-flat Major chord around the 5s mark as Colin's starting to lean in. Given that, and the rest of the notes in the theme and how they relate to each other, I'm assuming we're in the key of D-flat Major. (And I'll get into why it's meaningful to know this throughout the analysis.)

The theme we hear in this scene is made up of two main musical phrases. The first goes like this:

The second starts the same but takes a slightly different path at the end. It sounds like this:

What I think is interesting about both of these phrases is that we neither start nor end on the tonic (aka the first) note of a D-flat Major scale (which is D-flat). The phrases start on A-flat and end on E-flat. Why is this interesting?

Think of the tonic note of a scale as "home." If you start a musical phrase on the tonic note, that gives you a good sense of where you are harmonically right off the bat. The phrase will always take you away from that tonic note, but what creates tension and movement in the music is that ever-present desire to return home.

The phrases in Polin's theme neither start us at home nor return us there. In fact, the last part of the first phrase descends within a D-flat Major scale from A-flat to G-flat to E-flat and then hangs there. E-flat is one note in the scale above the tonic. Musically, we desperately want to resolve from E-flat to D-flat, but the phrase suspends us in that desire. The next line, instead of giving us a nice solid D-flat, drops us back to A-flat and starts the phrase over again.

I think this is a beautiful bit of musical storytelling. Just like the music dances around the tonic note without ever grounding us there, Colin and Penelope's relationship at this point is heading into uncertain territory. And just as the tension in the melodic line builds and never quite resolves, we are left at the end of the kiss scene with a dramatic transformation having occurred in Colin and Penelope's relationship and no clarity as to what's next. (Except that we would desperately love for them to keep kissing. 😉)

Then we have Colin's dream. And in the dream, the moment his and Penelope's lips meet, we hear that theme again. But hark! Something's different...

It's subtle, but this repetition of the theme is a half-step higher than the previous iteration. Instead of being in D-flat Major, we're in D Major. I think this is cool for two reasons.

First, it sets the dream scene apart from the real kiss scene in a psychological way—by giving it a slightly higher musical tonality, it has a slightly higher emotional tone. There's a little less uncertainty, a little more freedom.

Which brings me to the second cool thing, which is that, historically, D Major was regarded as the key of triumph and victory. Composers liked to set marches in D Major. The "Hallelujah" chorus from Handel's Messiah is in D Major.

And what could be more triumphant than marching into your crush's firelit garden, brazenly confessing your feelings, and having those feelings returned in a passionate kiss? You can even hear in this variation of the Polin theme that the tempo is a bit more expansive. It feels more like a confident stride with your head held high than the previous iteration, which is just a touch more frantic.

Then Colin wakes up. His world has been rocked. The next time he and Penelope see each other is in the willow scene, and just before they duck under the willow tree's cover, we hear a third variant of the Polin theme (thank you to @i-know-the-endss for pointing this out!!)...

Two things that I think are interesting about this return of the theme are 1) we're still in D Major, and 2) the end of this variation, unlike the previous variations, actually resolves down to the tonic of the key (which in this instance is a D)!

What does this mean? Personally, I think it's a fun little tease. We're hearing the tune the same way it appeared in Colin's dream... Will this first real-life meeting between Colin and Penelope since the dream play out the same way? The phrase grounds us on a D at the end rather than leaving us suspended on the note above with a desperate need to resolve that tension. Does that mean we'll see a resolution to the tension in Colin and Penelope's relationship?

And of course we do not, which is why it's a tease, but I love that the music builds the excitement at seeing Colin and Penelope interact for the first time since their kiss—for the first time since Colin's newfound emotional conflict—in this way. Like dangling a little carrot for us and then yanking it away.

Finally, later in that same episode, we hear the theme one more time at the first party Penelope attends since her self-flagellation in Whistledown.

This time, however, we're back in D-flat Major. Back to the reality of the first kiss, where things were uncertain and unsteady, instead of in the hopeful triumph of Colin's dream.

This is also the shortest iteration of the theme we hear. It abruptly ends partway through the first phrase. In this case, we are left dangling on an F, which is the third note of a D-flat Major scale. Because we are not yet "home" on the third, we still feel a lack of resolution here. However, unlike the very first iteration of this phrase, where we traveled down to the second note of the D-flat Major scale and were left with a desperate feeling of wanting to resolve just one more note down to the tonic, the third note of the scale lacks the same urgency and sense of direction. We are unresolved, but without knowing exactly where we want or need to go in order to achieve that resolution.

I think this is a great bit of musical storytelling, as well. At this point in Penelope's arc, she just wants to move on and find a suitor, and she still does not believe Colin could ever fill that role. Later in that party scene, she makes a connection with Lord Debling, and her objective for a husband is renewed. Colin, on the other hand, is starting to pine for Penelope something fierce, but he's still battling with himself about who he is and what he really wants. The outcome that will bring them both happiness, while obvious to us viewers, is not clear to either Colin or Penelope. Thus, a dangling F in a D-flat Major key without a clear path home.

A couple more notes (ba-dum-tss) about this theme... I speculate in the musical transcription at the top that the first occurrence of this theme is in 12/8 time. This is because the strings that are running underneath the main theme have a dance-y triplet-like quality to them which made me feel like each beat of the theme is actually a quick three-count. I bring this up because the first movement of Beethoven's Appassionata, which Francesca indicates is a particular favorite of hers in her conversation with Lord Petri in ep2, is also in 12/8 time. Not only that, but the second movement of the Appassionata is in D-flat Major, the same key I postulate we're in for the first occurrence of Polin's theme. Nothing profound here...I just think it's neat.

And to anyone who read all this, know that I appreciate you deeply!! And I'd love to know what you think. <3

I wrote a part 2! | and a part 3!

[admirationandromantics]

Rivalry part 2

Maybe putting ideas in your heads? Anyways, this is part two of the rivalry thingy with Josh Washington. Too many people wanted this, and it was like half of the requests I had in my inbox, so please, enjoy. Btw! This is 18+ (as is my blog).

You can find part one here: Part 1 I Part 2

Word count: 4,2 k (Unedited)

He walks down to the others, and I smirk at the thought of his sisters berating him for yelling at me. Karma Josh… it’s sweet isn’t it? I walk over to the bathroom, cleaning myself up and splashing cold water in my face. I hate that he gets me all worked up. Even after we’re done, I still feel him on my skin. Scratching, ripping, stroking. Who knew anger and passion were such similar feelings. 

A loud bang on the door wakes me up from my thoughts. I am quick to put on my shirt again and dry my face. 

“Give me a minute!” I yell through the door, trying to be fast while not messing up my makeup. Though it might already be a bit smudged, I can blame it on other things. 

“No, you let me in right now!” Emily shouts through the door. She sounds mad. That’s never good. I have to let her in. Worst case scenario, she throws me out a window and leaves me in the snow to die. The thought sends shivers down my spine, and I have to comply with her request. 

I unlock it, but before I can twist the knob, the door flies open and she runs inside, slamming the door behind her. She doesn’t waste time, locking it and turning to me, holding her finger up to my face. I must’ve done something horrible for her to act like this. She slowly walks over to me and I carefully step back, awaiting the bomb to fall. 

“You have something you need to tell me” she hisses, her finger only centimetres from my nose. 

“I’m sorry Em, have I done something?” I whisper, fear coating my vocals. This cannot be good. I’m gonna die in this ridiculously expensive bathroom. 

“Hell yeah you have done something, something extreme!” she shouts and I look around confused. What the hell did I do? 

“Oh don’t give me that look” she sighs, a slight playfulness to it. It sounds scary. I open my mouth to say something but my words fail me. I don’t know what she’s talking about. 

“Don’t you think I know that you’re fucking Josh” she states, and I can feel the blood leave my face. How? How did she know? We’ve been careful, going away and staying quiet (for the most part). And we hate each other, no less. There’s no point denying it. When Em knows something, you never try to gaslight her. It won’t work. 

“How did you know?” I ask, actually curious. And a little embarrassed. 

“Well it’s obvious” she starts, lowering her finger and sitting down on the chair beside the sink. 

“What? So everybody knows?”

She laughs, shaking her head and leaning back. 

“Everybody know there’s something, but they don’t know you’re fucking. Calm down girlie”

I exhale, feeling some of the tension in the room lift. At least not everybody knows, and that’s good. 

“So how did you find out?”

“How do you think?” 

I try to imagine a scenario that would make her, alone, find out, but I can’t. Luckily, she breaks the silence, tired of waiting on me to figure it out. 

“Let’s just say… 4.0 Honour roll, I’m smart. You already know all this” she says, waving her hand dismissively. 

“And don’t worry. I don’t plan on breaking the little freak show you two got going on. Might even be too freaky for me” 

“Fine Em, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I mean, why would I want to, it’s Josh for goodness sake” I smile, thinking about the whole ordeal. If it weren’t for our differences… 

“Look, I’m not gonna tell you what to do” she starts, and I sit down, listening to her. “But you guys got something going. If you can get each other riled up only through anger, that’s one thing”

I wait for her to continue, wondering if this has some other plot she’s hesitating to bring up. 

“How about you two tried being nice to each other?”

I snort, laughing my ass off at the idea. 

“Josh being nice? That’s not gonna happen”

“It might”

“And how am I going to do that? He nitpicks on everything I do, whether it’s cooking, gaming, drinking, breathing or whatever!”

Emily smiles at me, waiting for me to stop rambling. Her idea is not bad, and it would be great to hang with the group without being caught up in a fight or argument all the time. 

“I’m just saying, you should try. Kill him with kindness” she whispers again, and I sigh loudly. He’s gonna taunt me, make a fool out of me. 

“And that’s coming from you?”

“Need to see someone else do it before I consider it. And, it’s not the worst thing you’ve done”

“That’s right… I did Josh”

“And that’s an example of what you shouldn’t say” 

“Fine, sorry” I hold my hands up in defeat, standing up and unlocking the door. She stands up as well, giving me a knowing look before walking out. I follow, getting down to the living room. 

Everyone is still there, and the mood has lightened since last time, and I take a seat beside Jessica. They’re still playing with cards, drinking and talking. Sam, Ashley and Hannah are off in the corner, giggling about something, and Chris is shuffling cards for everyone at the table. 

“Care to join?” he asks me, looking up expectantly. 

“I’m in” 

We play for a while, before Josh walks in with Beth. I don’t know what they’ve talked about. Maybe he’s gotten berated again. The thought makes me smile, but Emily nudges me, knowing what I’m thinking about. I look back down at my cards. This is a bad hand. 

“I fold” I state, putting them down. There was no way I would win this round, so might as well not bet. Beth walks over to Sam and the others, while Josh moves over to us. He looks over the table, taking in everyone’s position in the game. 

“No way you’ve won twice. Got more than two brain cells?” he taunts, and I have to fight myself from rolling my eyes. Jess sighs, knowing the storm that’s about to come, but I don’t let it. Instead, I put on a smile and glance up at him. 

“I’ve actually won three rounds, Washington. You’re welcome to join us if you want”

The room suddenly falls silent, everyone looking in our direction. Ashley whispers something to Hannah, and both Mike and Matt are furrowing their brows in confusion. Emily is holding her hand over her mouth to stop her from laughing, but the most surreal reaction is from Josh himself. He can’t take his eyes off me, eyes narrowed and mind twisted in confusion. He’s probably wondering where my spirit went, where all the anger had gone. 

To fuel the situation even more, I pat on the seat next to me, signalling for him to sit down. 

“In or out?” I ask, giving him some doe eyes for extra effect. He still glares at me, not necessarily in a bad way, but definitely in a confused one. People return to their conversations, probably talking about what just happened. Our usual banter, all out of balance. He keeps looking at me, mouth slightly open. I give him a sugar-sweet forced smile before turning back to the cards, waiting for the next round. 

The rest of the night goes as planned. Josh makes small comments here and there, but I skillfully avoid getting angry. It actually feels great being the bigger person, especially when his reactions are more visible than any other feelings he’s ever shown. I know he gets more and more aggravated, and I fuel it by just being nice. Maybe I should consider becoming a kind person? 

At this point, half of the group have gone to bed, and I sit on the sofa, opposite of Josh, talking to Chris and Sam. I feel the exhaustion of the night come over me, but still feel restless and anxious. I need a cup of tea or something before going to bed. Or maybe a bath?

“Hey Sam?” I start, grabbing her attention. 

“Hm?”

“You took a bath earlier today, right?”

“Yeah, it’s drained and cleaned now, don’t worry” she shrugs, waving her hand like it was obvious that she cleaned after herself. That’s not what I wanted an answer for though. 

“So there’s hot water?” She laughs at my question, and only then do I realise how dumb it is. 

“Yeah, yeah, loads” 

“Then I’ll be on my way. Enjoy your night!” I walk up the stairs, lifting my hand in a backwards wave. The bathroom is dark, and just for comfort, I light a couple of candles while the water’s going. I washed my hair this morning, and would prefer it not to get wet again. I take a hair clip and fasten it. I don’t bother taking off my makeup yet. I’ll do it when I brush my teeth and get ready for bed. Right now, I’m gonna soak for at least an hour. I undress quickly, shivering from the cold air of the lodge. Luckily for me, the bath is warm and smells great. I get in, slowly getting used to the warmth. It’s almost burning my skin, perfect temperature. 

As I lean back and breathe, my muscles finally relax. They’ve been tense all day, especially after my last intimate encounter with Josh. I look over my body in the see-through water. I haven’t noticed just how many marks he’s left. All over my legs, thighs, stomach, chest, arms… It’s unbelievable that no one noticed. Well, everyone except Emily. A couple of loud knocks interrupts my thoughts. 

“It’s open, but I’m in the bath!” I yell. Everyone must’ve gone to bed by now, so it’s probably someone who wants to use the toilet. 

“There’s another bathroom on the other opposite side of the hall!” I add, turning back to the water and closing my eyes. Please just go, I’m having the time of my life. The door opens, and I shift my head, glancing over at a certain brunette walking in and closing the door. My hands immediately move to my body, covering myself as best as I can. Right now I wish I had some bubbles and foam in here to help me. 

“Relax, nothing I haven’t seen before” he smiles, locking the door behind him. 

“This is different” I start, turning back around and sighing. I feel his body come up behind me, head resting on my shoulder and breath against my ear. 

“Tell me that you want me to go, and I’ll go” he whispers. His voice sends shivers down my spine, my heat warming up as I think about his kisses. As a reply to my silence, he starts kissing my neck, leaving small bites everywhere, though not as hard and rough as usual. 

“This is just…” I sigh and give small moans from his caresses, unable to control myself. “This is too intimate for us Washington” 

“And what if I say that there’s much more intimate things we can do?” he teases, lips featherlike up to my earlobe, nibbling. I hear his belt fall to the ground, before he stands up and walks to the side of the bathtub. 

The air is filled with something different. Maybe it’s the scented candles, fire, hot water, dim yellow lights… Something is not like usual. This is romantic, this feels more real. We haven’t built up the usual tension like we’ve done before. This encounter is purely because of lust and want, not a convenience or deal. He didn’t have to come here tonight, but he did, confident that I would let him. 

He stands before me, naked and vulnerable. His tan skin and toned body are intensified by the candlelight, which highlights every curve of him. I take him in, feeling like I’m seeing him for the first time. Finally seeing him. 

My breath quickens as he gets in the bath, leaning over and meeting my lips. It’s not hatred, it’s not a tension-reliever, but rather soft and caring. I lean into him, slowly making my way over, and sitting on his lap. The kiss deepens, tongues dancing in a waltz. His hands travel down from my waist to my high, slightly grabbing. He rubs soft circles, nothing like what he’s done before. 

“Still hate me?” he asks, breathy and tired. He looks up at me, a pinch of hurt in his eyes. I don’t know what to say. Of course I do, but not right now. My arms are twisted around him, fingers gracing the curve of every muscle on his shoulders and back. 

“I-I never hated you” I manage to whisper back. “Like you said, it’s all part of that horrid game” 

“Is this part of it?” he asks, more determination in his voice. I wish I had an answer for this, I truly do, but what is it? Yes, this only happened because I conducted an experiment, and my hypothesis was wrong? Turns out you want to fuck me either way, though more in a gentle manner? 

“Josh, listen. I got it in my head that we would stop fighting if I just took the high road. It would be more comfortable for everyone. But you’re still here. You came here tonight and I don’t know why”

He doesn’t answer, only looking at me in shock. Did I say something wrong again? His mouth is slightly ajar, lips parted and red from our previous session. God how I want to kiss him. 

“Did I say something wrong?” 

“You said my name”

My chest tightens in realisation. I did. I did say his name. But he acts like the world has ended because of it. I need some kind of answer, some acknowledgement that he got everything I said after it too. 

“Say it again” he pleads, pulling me closer and leaving small kisses all over my collar. 

“Josh, we need to talk about this…” I sigh out, feeling his dick grow in response. 

“Please” he begs, and I let out a small moan as he nibbles at the skin of my chest. “Say my name and I’ll do anything for you, tell you everything you wish for” 

“Fuck, I-” I begin, feeling myself heat up from his words. 

His hand moves to my folds, sliding over them up to my clit. I give a small moan in response, grabbing his shoulder harder for support. 

“Please” he pleads again, pathetic and breathless. As his fingers start rubbing, I moan out his name, and his breathing suddenly quickens. His other hand moves up my body, past its usual place on my throat and to the back of my head, tangling in my hair. He pulls my face back on him, capturing my lips in a needy and lustful grace. 

I break away from him, still waiting for his response to my previous comment. He gives a small whine at the sudden emptiness. 

“Why did you come here tonight?”

His brows furrow a little, but only for a moment. Then, he starts laughing. A genuine one which leaves me in confusion. Why is this funny? Unless… 

If Emily knew, some others might too. Jess is definitely good at picking up these sorts of clues. Did they talk to him, getting me in this position just to humiliate me? Was this all a prank? I ask him a genuine question, and he breaks out, unable to answer. 

I stand up, getting out of the tub. I was not gonna be the sore loser of another prank. A wave of realisation goes through Josh as he understands what I’m doing. He stops laughing, immediately shifting to face me. 

“Where are you going?” 

“Out” I state, irritated and vulnerable. This was not okay, playing with my feelings. 

“What happened, why are you being like this?” he asks, confused. His tone hurts me a little, though not as much as the thought of being part of this little scheme. 

“I’m not gonna be the laughing stock of this little thing. I don’t know if you’ve talked with Emily or Jess or someone else, but this…” I point to and fro the both of us. “This is over, whatever it was. No sex, no feeling, no nothing. I’m done” 

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Fuck this and fuck you Washington!” I yell at him, as I grab my clothes and walk out. I feel tears at the corners of my eyes, begging to be released to my cheeks, free to roam my face. I did the right thing. We can’t keep going like this forever. It’s a hassle for us, and it’s a bother to others. The relationship had gotten too intimate for me, for our situation. I felt a certain way, and not getting a response from him deeply hurt me. 

“Wait!” I hear from the bathroom, and I walk over to my room, locking the door and laying down in my bed. A knock is heard on my door, but I don’t answer. 

“Please, sorry about the reaction, I’ll tell you everything, just open”

I give in, pulling the towel closer to my body and unlocking it. I open it slightly, not too wide. He doesn’t force himself in, just stands there waiting. I’m the first to talk. 

“You know, Washington, it’s late, we’ve both got caught up in the moment and we said some things and stuff. We’re both tired, a little tipsy, probably dehydrated…”

“I love you” he interrupts. I roll my eyes, done with his bullshit. 

“No you don’t, you can drop the act. I just can’t take all this back and forth anymore, it’s too much, please understand” 

“You’re such an idiot”

I look at him dumbfounded. What the fuck? 

“Excuse m-” before I can finish, he pulls the door open, walking inside and closing it behind him. His arms wrap around me, pulling me into his embrace. The sudden action leaves me breathless and wondrous. He’s half naked, wearing only a towel as well. 

“You are the one who wanted all that, and now you don’t” he starts explaining, and I keep quiet. “I know you adore me, from what I understood in there, you feel the same way”

“Washi-”

“Stop, don’t finish that word. I would never pull a stunt like this for a prank, especially considering how hurt Hannah got last year because of it” 

I look down his back, hands urging to touch him, to feel him on me. 

“Then what was so funny?” 

He takes a deep breath, pulling away, smiling. 

“The fact that you can’t solve a simple equation” 

“Which is?”

“That I love you, and I know you do too. That’s why I came tonight” 

I’m stunned, mesmerized by his words, enchanted with his presence. His lips meet mine once again, and I let him devour me. I melt into his touch, sparks igniting on our skin. The cold air hits our warm bodies, shivers bolting throughout. He deepens the kiss, inviting his tongue and moving us to the bed.  

Instead of shoving me down alone, his body follows, laying on top of me and pressing me into the soft sheets. One of my hands tangles in his hair, grabbing it roughly to get him closer. The other goes to undo his towel, letting it fall and throwing it on the ground. He does the same, unwrapping me in a painfully slow manner. He takes in the view, me laid underneath him, completely at his mercy without disobeying or complaining. 

“You’re beautiful” he whispers, head moving to my neck, leaving kisses and vibrations against my skin. I give a moan in response as his hands find their way to my breasts, grabbing harshly. He’s never complimented me like this before. It’s real, genuine. 

His dick slides up and down my folds, coating itself in my wetness. I want him, the whole of him. I start trying to grind closer to him, but he gets further and further away instead. He kisses down my stomach, head making its way down to my heat. He pulls my thighs over his shoulders before taking one of my hands in his. I can only see the top of his head as he leans down, followed by a long lick over my folds. I moan, legs shaking as he finds my clit, sucking and licking small circles. Uncontrollable sounds leave my mouth as he keeps going, his other hand taking advantage of my dripping heat, inserting two fingers. 

“Fuck, Josh!” I whine, feeling the edge come closer. The knot in my stomach tightens, tension building up as I try to get over it. 

“Yes, please, keep saying my name like that” he whispers against my pussy, voice making vibrations against my clit. His encouraging words get me over, and I cry out as I finish all over his lips and fingers. I squeeze his hand as my legs keep shaking around his head. He doesn’t stop though, letting me ride out my orgasm on his fingers, eyes completely mesmerized by the vision in front of him. He continues his attack, tongue finding its way back to my spot and leaving small movement. I cry out in pleasure as I come again, embarrassingly fast. I look down at him. And he’s shocked by his own skills of effectiveness. 

“Well, I did know you were into me. Surprised by how much” he purrs, leaning back up to my face, capturing my lips. I taste myself on his mouth, lips drenched in my juices. 

His dick keeps running up and down my folds, and I shiver from stimulation. 

“I need you” I whisper to him, and he obliges. He’s harder than he’s ever been before, being teased and excited for way too long. He slowly lets himself into me, pushing carefully till he’s all the way in. I whine, killing a moan that almost escaped my lips. He looks down, facing me with concerned eyes. 

“Are you good?” I nod in reply, smiling at him and pulling him in for another kiss as he starts moving. He fills me up perfectly, reaching all the sides and spots, rubbing my walls with a passion unlike ever before. He grunts and moans, whines leaving his mouth as he moves. He’s been holding out since the card game, no wonder he’s desperate. 

I swallow his moans with my mouth, and he returns my favour. His hand grabs my thigh, lifting it higher to grant him better access. The action makes him go deeper, making me gasp in surprise at his length. My core builds up, and I clench around him as I come all over his dick. He keeps pumping, sloppy sounds and moans erupting throughout the room. He’s close, I can feel it. The overstimulation is overwhelming, and I plead with him. 

“Josh, please”

The mention of his name from my moaning mouth sends him over the edge, and he pulls out, coating me in the white liquid. It spills all over my throbbing and stingy heat, hurt from the overstimulation, and all over my stomach. Instead of leaving, like he always does, he leans down beside me, kissing my cheek. 

“I love you all covered up in me” 

“So much for a bath” I smile, turning my head and kissing his lips. “I’ll take endless baths with you” he smiles back, getting up and leaving the room. 

I’m hit with a sudden wave of sadness. I know he’s coming back, but the idea that he might not weighs down on me. My chest is still heaving, pulse slowly regulating itself. Just now, I realise how exhausted I am. Drinking since early hours, multiple sexual encounters, a bath, and now being the middle of the night. I try to get up, but my body won’t listen, simply too tired to move. 

The door opening again wakes me from my sleepy trance, and Josh walks in, cloth in one hand, a glass of water in the other. He sets it down on the nightstand before laying down beside me and cleaning me up. He’s never shown this much care before, and his sweet actions make my cheeks flush. He finishes quickly, taking hold of my body and dragging me up to the right side of the bed. After that, he holds the glass of water out to me, and I take it, drinking every last drop before placing it on the table again. 

He creeps under the blankets, throwing them over me as well and pulling my body into his. His head rests in the crook of my neck, and I cuddle into him in response. What are we gonna do tomorrow? How will this end? 

“Guess we’re not having hate-sex anymore” he says, kissing my neck. 

“As long as you don’t say anything stupid” I answer, voice barely over a whisper. I’m on the brink of passing out, but before I can, I feel his stupid, perfect smirk against my jaw.

[linos-luna]

Can you make a yandere lee know sadist story?

Pretty please............

Bruh there's another request in my inbox asking for a masochist Lino... y'all crazy lol. but who am I to judge? 😭

Ask and you shall receive...

———————————————————

His Urges ❣️🔪

Yandere!Sadist!Minho x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Yandere!, Smut, MDNI, biting, sadism, dub con, crying, fear kink, spanking, toxic relationship,

——————————————————— 🔪

It was an incredibly strong urge and for a while he did his best to suppress it but lately it's been difficult. You were just so cute and innocent!

You already knew your boyfriend to be quite possessive and maybe a tad bit controlling but maybe that was normal right? I mean he says he loves you. He always talks about how you're his soulmate and how he wants to shield you from the cruel world. You don't even have to work as he promised to take care of you. Sure he could be a little e rough at times but... not like this...

It was an innocent little date night. After a homemade dinner, you sat with him on the couch, leaning your head on his shoulder as Netflix played. Minho wasn't paying too much to the movie and was massaging your hand. He rubbed your fingers, loving how delicate they looked: just so perfect...

Slowly, he started to squeeze your fingers together. It wasn't too hard at first but progressively got harder.

You didn't think much of it at first but it slowly got more and more painful.

"M-Minnie...?" You asked a bit confused while looking at him, trying to pull away.

Minho didn't answer, instead squeezing even harder as he stared at your hand. It was as if he was lost in the moment.

"Minho! You're hurting me!"

Your sudden yell startled him and he immediately let go.

"W-why'd you do that??"

"I-I'm sorry, Kitten..." he said bluntly. "I didn't even realize... what was happening there..." He paused while looking at your eyes that were tearing up. Sure, he felt a little bad for seeing you cry but at the same time... not? In the moment, he felt quite excited actually and his heart was racing.

You only frowned while rubbing your hand and stood up. "I-I think I should go to bed now..."

"No wait!" Minho suddenly grabbed you by the wrist and kept you in place.

"P-Please let go..."

"No!" He yelled suddenly while standing up, scaring you quite a bit. "Hold on, Kitten."

"M-Minnie.... I-I just wanna go to bed is all..." you stuttered as he squeezed your wrist hard.

"Don't leave yet, our date isn't finished!" He said, sounding frustrated. "Please."

You stopped pulling and looked at him with tears rolling down your cheeks. He wiped away your tears with his other hand and sighed. "I'm sorry, pretty girl... I couldn't help it..."

"C-Couldn't help what..."

He was quiet, only looking at your wrist that he was still holding.

"Hurting me....?"

He nodded.

"Y-You like... Hurting me...?" you asked, getting concerned.

"... Yes..." he admitted, which had you surprised.

"It's sick... isn't it?" He had an unnerving chuckle that made you want to back away. "Sit down, Kitty."

"M-Minnie..."

"Don't be like this." He shook his head and sat down, pulling you by the wrist to sit next to him. "only 20 more minutes of the movie."

He could care less about the movie at this point. He just wanted you to stay here with him. He just wants to hold you.

After a moment of hesitation, you sat back down. Perhaps he just drank too much wine earlier... no way he was serious... At least that's what you told yourself.

~~~~~~

As the movie continued, Minho rubbed the back of your hand with his thumb. You were finally able to relax a bit and he would even give you gentle kisses on the cheek, whispering little praises in your ear. By the end of the movie, he was kissing your lips and carried you to the bedroom. Once he sat you on the bed, it got a little more heated as he gave more passionate kisses, using his tongue to dominate. You enjoyed it as he felt around under your shirt and kissed down you neck... that is, until he started squeezing your waist harshly and nipping at your neck. You moaned a bit, not exactly in pleasure, but in pain. He took that as a sign to keep going as he bit harder along your neck, finally making you cry out and try pushing him away.

"Minnie!" you gasped as he pushed you to your back and smirked down at you while pulling your hair.

"What's wrong, Kitten?" he chuckled. "can''t handle a little pain? you're so cute...."

"Stop it!"

"-Or what?!" he replied with a devious smile as he suddenly grabbed your jaw. "What are you gonna do about it, Kitten?"

You only looked at him in fear. He was right, what were you gonna do? you were pinned.

"That's what I thought." He chuckled while kissing down your neck.

More tears rolled down your cheeks as he lifted your shirt and left kisses on your bare breasts. The kisses were quite soft compared to the way his nails were digging into your waist. You tried stopping him by grabbing his hands but Minho seemed to find your struggle funny and keep going while sucking at your breast.

You attempted to grab him by the head before you were suddenly grabbed by both wrists and pinned.

"You like this huh?"

"No I don't!" you yelled back.

"No I think you like playing these little games." He chuckled. It's okay, kitten, I'll Keep playing with you. I'm not done. Behave for me, will you?"

~~~

That was only the beginning. Minho found some sort of sick pleasure from hurting you. And you? Well you just took it. There was no way out. You tried so many times but you were always caught and the punishments only got worse.

You loved him still but not like this. He said he couldn't't control it but you thought that was bullshit. There's no way...

The sex was rough, full of biting and hair pulling. He had no limits, in fact he liked seeing that scared look on your face. It turned him on so much and as time went on, he got more and more... Sadistic.

You were practically screaming as he railed you into the bed. After a long day at work, he had decided to fuck all his frustration into you.

Originally, he promised to not be so rough but that was a lie. Admittedly, it was a little pleasurable at first but then it became too much. Third round and he still had just as much energy from when you first started.

"Min- Min- Min-!" you whimpered as your face was pressed into the sheets. "T-Too Much!" it was obvious that you were very overstimulated.

"C'mon, Kitten..." he panted. One more time." He chuckled before pulling you up by the hair, making you scream. "one more time for me..."

It's not like you had much of a choice so again you came... for the third time.

You were weak and exhausted, nearly limp under him as he held you by the hair. once he was fully satisfied, Minho pulled out and laid you on your back.

"You're such a good kitten..." he said softly while kissing your forehead. "I love you so much..."

~~~~~~

This wasn't getting any better. Nearly everyday he'd be rough with you. It left you with bruised that you often had to cover - if he even let you out. at all. You wanted to leave but he catches you every time and in a way... you feel bad. Minho wasn't a bad person... right? He just had these urges. It's not like he'd kill you or hurt you on purpose right? It was delusional thinking and you knew it. He needed help. This pleasure he got from your pain was just sadistic.

He'd spank you at random or randomly pull your hair. He'd squeeze your hand as a warning or pinch your sensitive thighs. It brought him pleasure. In the moment, it brought him so much pleasure... He knows its wrong... But he can't help it...

So here you were, sprawled across his lap, taking what had to be your 12th spank to your bare ass. It was red snd sore, tears stained your cheeks.

"Is my kitty gonna listen now?" he asked while rubbing the reddened skin.

"Y-Yes!" you whimpered.

"Good girl. Now back on your knees." he said with a smile before pushing you to the floor. "You're going to listen now, right?"

You nodded, only to get slapped.

"What?!"

"Y-yes! I-I'll listen!" you cried out.

"See Kitty, its that simple..." Minho rubbed your cheek.

"I-I'm sorry...."

"You should be." He grunted. "You scared me! I had no idea where you were! I thought we were soulmates, y/n. Why would you leave?"

I'm sorry..." you repeated as tears formed again.

"I know you are, Kitten..." He said while rubbing your cheek. "You still love me?"

" Yes..."

As odd as it was, you still did so it wasn't a lie...

Minho was pretty satisfied with that answer and helped you up so you could lay in bed.

After tucking you in, Minho laid next to you and sighed while gently rubbing your cheek.

"I'm sorry, Kitten...." he whispered while looking at you, seemingly feeling some shame. "I wish... I wish I could control it... I... I really do love you..." he said with a genuine tear of guilt running down his cheek. "I-I hope you can forgive me..."

------------------------------------------------

You're not supposed to feel bad for him... but he is self aware so...

[mediumgayitalian]

“Oh, gods.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Oh, gods.”

Nico scowls, wrenching just eyes away from Will’s poorly-covered grin and shaking shoulders.

It’s not that bad. It isn’t.

Sure, the complete lack of lighting except Greek fire torches makes the cabin look like a little piece of the Underworld, right here on the surface. But that’s comforting. Honestly. Nico knows the Underworld. It’s — familiar.

And, yeah. It would, probably, be pertinent to have some furniture, or something. At least somewhere for him to store his clothes, because he has more than one set of those now, and maybe a shelf, or something. And, admittedly, the obsidian altar could take up a little less space than it currently does.

But it’s not that bad.

“Are those. Coffin shaped beds.”

The tone of Will’s voice is unlike he’s ever heard it. He turns back to face him, slowly, and finds him biting his fist, hard, every muscle of his body tense as live wire.

“I was twelve godsdamn years old,” Nico snaps. “Forgive me if interior design wasn’t my passion.”

Solace loses it.

In his defense, not that Nico is too worried about defending him, he does appear to try very hard to not lose it. When the first giggle slips out of his lips, he clamps his jaw shut tighter. When his whole body begins to shake with the force of repressing his laughter, he curls inward, as if making himself smaller might reduce the chance of a lapse in control.

But then he glances back inside and looks, really looks, at the dreary, stone walls, the lone skeletons standing guard, and the plush, teakwood black coffin bunk beds, and he collapses to the floor.

“I’m going to open a chasm beneath you,” Nico threatens. “You are going to fall and crack your spine into a million pieces on the bank of the Styx, rotting there with every other forgotten hope.”

“You are a Black Parade lyric personified,” Will wheezes.

Nico doesn’t know what that means, so he kicks him. Unfortunately, he only laughs harder.

“I mean it, Solace. It’s a long way down to the Underworld. You will spend the entire fall petrified with the knowledge that nothing can save you.”

For added effect, Nico makes the floor under the medic’s body shake, makes the tip of a skeleton hand peek out from the earth.

Ironically, this stops Will’s laughter, but not for the reason Nico was aiming for.

“Hey!” A bright blue flipflop-clad foot darts out and collides With Nico’s ankle, sending him sprawling. “I said no spooky magic for the next two months! Put that skeleton away!”

“Fuck off, Solace! It’s barely half a bone! You are so annoying!”

“That’s my specialty.” Will pushes himself upright. He waits until Nico sits up, too, so he can catch his eye before his face splits into a dazzling grin. Actual sparkles seem to flicker beside his face. “And you are ever so easy to annoy.”

Nico stares, unimpressed.

“Anyways.” Will coughs. “You can’t stay here, Neeks —”

“Don’t call me that.”

“— it’s straight-up too depressing.” He peers inside. “It’s also cold, and, like…borderline unliveable? So. As your doctor, I can’t allow it.”

“You’re a medic,” Nico says, raising an eyebrow, “first of all, not a doctor. Second of all, you can’t tell me what to do. Third of all — where am I supposed to sleep? The woods?”

“Hm. Good question.”

Will gets to his feet, brushing the dirt off his shorts and offering Nico a hand. After a second of hesitation, he takes it, allowing Will to haul him up.

“C’mon!”

Nico snatches his hand away, face burning. (Gods. Why does Will have to be so…touchy-feely? And why does it always do weird things to Nico’s stomach?) But it hardly takes a look over Will’s shoulder before Nico’s feet are following after him, without his permission.

“Where are we going?”

“Well, my dad’s kind of a hoe,” Will says matter-of-factly. Nico chokes. Will’s grin widens. “And our cabin was built with that in mind. I know we’ve got an extra bunk or two for ya. Hurry up!”

This…cannot be allowed. Nico doesn’t have a ton of Camp Half-Blood experience, or anything, but as far as he knows, Hermes is the only cabin that can really do that. He doesn’t want to incur the wrath of Apollo, or whatever, by staying in his cabin uninvited.

Well. Will’s inviting him, technically. And there’s a confidence to his offer, like maybe this isn’t the first time he’s done it.

“What if I don’t want to live in your stupid sunshine-y cabin,” Nico grumbles, trying to cover up his nerves. “Holding hands and singing about how much I love being alive isn’t really my cup of tea.”

Will snorts. “Oh, di Angelo,” he says dramatically, shaking his head, “you are in for a world of discovery. Welcome to the Cabin Apollo. Take your shoes off at the door and remember that Kayla bites.”

———

Living in the Apollo cabin is strange.

Four days in, and Nico is only just starting to get used to it. He’s not entirely unused to sharing space with people — he’s had two sisters — but the Apollo kids argue like they enjoy doing it. One minute, Will and Kayla will be screaming at each other at the top of their lungs about touching each other’s shit, then they’re teaming up to pull Gracie off Yan’s face for the exact same argument, only now they offer sage advice on respecting boundaries and compromising. It’s bizarre.

(Austin is pretty chill, actually. Nico has noticed him starting quite a few fights — it was he, in fact, who moved Will’s shit and then gracefully framed Kayla — but he has a very powerful eyebrow raise and a very powerful image as Unproblematic. He has quickly become Nico’s favourite.)

He’s only just barely beginning to understand how they work together, and the struggle comes in because everything is so chaotic. When Nico spent time with Hazel in New Rome, she was in the barracks. He never really had to worry about squabbling over counter space in the bathroom with her, because she had her own little toiletry caddie like everyone else, and bathrooms were public. With Bianca — well. There’s no one alive who knows this about her, but she was bossy. She was sweet and wonderful and self-sacrificing and brave and kind and the centre of Nico’s life, but by the gods, did she take her authority as a big sister seriously. She ordered Nico around all the time. He never had to worry much about when he would have the chance to use the bathroom they shared at the Lotus, or who got the T.V. remote, or who go to sit on the bus instead of standing, because he was not the one deciding. He could stick his tongue out and whine all he wanted, but she was boss. He knew that.

The Apollo kids are not like that.

As well as Nico can figure, it’s kind of a free-for-all. You want first shower? Either wake up the earliest — a strategy only Will every manages to employ with any success — or manage to jab an elbow in someone’s rib and sprint. You want whoever’s humming to shut the hell up so you can sleep? Make sure your threats are quick and believable, or just straight up start throwing shit until they finally stop. You want the coveted middle of the bench spot at breakfast? Well, tough shit on that one, actually. Nico has yet to make that one happen for himself.

He won’t admit it, but he has kind of learned to enjoy it. It’s annoying, and the Apollo siblings do indeed sing at all hours of the day (although the content usually skews more towards diss tracks and delighted insults, if not straight-up curses), and it is so godsdamn bright in there, seriously, is it a gimmick or what, but there’s something to be said about the fact that he’s so surrounded by people and chaos that he hasn’t even had the chance to feel lonely. Not even at night, panting to himself after a nasty nightmare, because all it takes is a particularly loud snore from Will one bunk down to remember where he is. To remember that he’s safe — by demigod standards, at least.

But, still.

He kind of misses his privacy.

“Will,” he whispers urgently, on his fifteenth day of rooming with the Apollo weirdos.

The medic hums noncommittally, attention very focused on the test tube in front of him. Nico has been fighting the urge to try and launch a piece of dust inside it for forty minutes, just to make him explode.

“I need to talk to you.”

“Sounds good, Nico.”

Nico narrows his eyes. “You’re ignoring me.”

“Uh-huh. Agreed.”

“I can say anything I want right now.”

“Sure. Maybe double check with Austin.”

“…I’m going to put a colony of ants in your pillowcase.”

“Good idea.”

“Then I’m going to douse your hair products in gasoline and set them aflame.”

“Baller.”

“After that I’m gonna read your super secret diary to the entirety of camp at singalong tonight.”

“You betcha.”

“And then I’m going to shadow travel to Russia.”

Will blinks, frowning. “Hey, no shadow-travelling. What’s this I hear about shadow-travelling?”

Nico rolls his eyes. “Nothing, stupid. You were just ignoring me.”

Will smiles guiltily. “Aw, I’m sorry, Neeks. Got focused on this. I’m finished in twenty, then I’m all yours?”

“…Don’t call me Neeks,” Nico grumbles, furious with himself for how quick he’s relented under wide blue puppy-dog eyes.

“Sorry, Neeks.”

Huffing at Will’s quiet laughter, Nico slides off the nurse’s station counter and wanders around the empty infirmary. Things have luckily finally cooled down in here, nearly three weeks after the end of the Giant War. Some of the exhaustion has faded from Will’s features now that he’s had time to sleep properly.

Not that Nico has noticed, or anything.

“Okay,” Will says a few minutes later, holding his hands up protectively in front of his geeky little setup. “I just gotta do this last step, so long as I calculated it right, it should be fine…” He squeezes a drop of something into the liquid bubbling over the burner, freezing immediately. One, two, three seconds pass and nothing happens, so Will relaxes, sighing in relief and turning to face Nico fully. “Okay, we’re good. What was it you wanted to —”

The text tube contents explode in his face, dousing him in slimey green goo.

Nico bursts out laughing.

“Great,” Will says darkly, swiping the stuff from his eyes. “The one day I don’t wear goggles. Great.”

Nico gasps, sides aching. “Oh my gods —”

“Feel free to help, di Angelo.”

“— you look like a cartoon! Your face!”

It takes Will twelve cloths and seven whole minutes to clean himself and the nurse’s station off of the goo. Nico cackles at him the whole time, and tastefully does not mention the many globs of goo that remain caked in his hair.

“Whenever you’re done.”

Will is very, very bad at being stern when he doesn’t really mean it. And he doesn’t really mean it now, because every time he tries to glare at Nico, his mouth twitches.

“I’m good,” Nico finally wheezes, forcing his face back to normal. “I’m good, I’m good.”

He very pointedly does not look at Will’s hair.

“Dick,” Will huffs, fondness bleeding into his tone. “What did you want?”

He must notice the change in tone at his asking, because he clears the bench fully, hoisting himself on top of it and patting the spot next to him. Nico hesitates for half a second, then crawls up, sitting criss cross applesauce, knees touching.

“I need to move back to my cabin,” he manages, finally.

Will’s face betrays no judgement or emotion. “Oh?”

“Yes.” He picks at a loose thread in his jeans. “I need — space.”

The thread loosens, allowing Nico to tug on it. A hole begins to unravel along the seam as he pulls and pulls and pulls. He stops himself before it gets too wide, tearing the thread off and winding it around his fingers.

“I can tell everyone to tone it down,” Will offers softly, eyebrows creased. “We’ll be more quiet, we’ll —”

Nico places a hand on his knee, cutting off his sentence. “It’s not about that, I promise. You guys have been great.”

A wounded look still pulls at Will’s strong features, as much as he visibly tries to pull his face back to something more supportive. “It’s not?”

“No, no. It’s just —” He frowns, trying to articulate the tangled mess of his thoughts. “I have my own cabin.”

“So?”

“And I can’t stay in yours forever.”

“I mean, you could.”

“Chiron’s been giving me looks, Will.”

“So what! I’ll — write you a doctor’s note, or something!”

Nico snorts. “A doctor’s note letting me sleep in your cabin?”

Will nods fervently, although he seems to acknowledge the ridiculousness of his suggestion, if the grin on his face is any indication. “Yes! For medical reasons, you know.” He mimes writing. “‘Patient’s cabin is dank and sad. To avoid bouts of misery, patient must sleep in the presence of the coolest and best and prettiest and most uplifting people in camp.’”

“Hm. Not sure Chiron’s gonna buy that last part. Not sure I buy that last part, actually.”

“Hey.”

Nico dodges Will’s shove, chuckling.

“Seriously, though, Will. This was never a long term solution, right?”

“I know. You’re cabin just — sucks so bad, man. No offense.”

“I take great offense to that, actually. My cabin is art.”

“Sure, Eddie Cullen.”

“I don’t know who that is, so that’s a horrible insult.”

“Travesty, honestly.”

Outside the open infirmary windows, Nico can hear distant, triumphant screaming, laughter, and the clang of metal. Today’s a good day. The weather’s balmier than usual, for late August, and some of the gloom that’s hung over everyone’s head for the bast few weeks seems to have lifted.

“You can’t go back to your cabin like it is,” Will says into the silence, startling Nico, “but —” he grins when Nico begins to protest, holding up his hand. “We can definitely change it up.”

He slides off the bench, botching his landing and almost sprawling on the floor. He holds a dramatic hand out to Nico when he rights himself. Nico ignores it, rolling his eyes and getting to his feet by himself.

“C’mon,” Will says, grabbing his hand anyway. Sparks shoot up Nico’s arm. “We need to go ask Chiron for the van keys and approximately five hundred dollars.”

———

Three hours is too fucking long to be in a vehicle. Especially when Will is driving, because all he does is play nonstop country music and let everybody cut in front of him.

“I’m driving us back,” Nico informs him as they (finally) get out of the stupid van, snatching the keys from his hands.

Will shrugs. “Sure.”

Nico had expected more of a fight, honestly. But he supposes neither of them are legally allowed to drive, age-wise, and besides, Nico technically has seventy years of driving experience on Will.

(…The Lotus had a racetrack.

Nico was very, very good at it.)

“What is this place, anyway?”

“This place,” Will says grandly, throwing an arm over his shoulders, “is essentially the mortal version of the Labyrinth, minus, you know, the soul-sucking terror.”

“Okay. All that’s telling me is that you have horrible ideas and we should leave immediately.”

Will rolls his eyes. “It’s a furniture store.”

“Well, then —” he punches Will’s shoulder, huffing when he only laughs. “Say that, then!”

“But then what would I do with all the drama in my heart?”

“Choke on it, hopefully!”

Ikea is weird.

Since Will did not tell him what the plan was, he didn’t draw up any plans. Luckily, Will has the dimensions of his cabin — although where he got them, Nico does not ask — so they spend an hour or so in the cafe drawing out a plan.

“You need more than two beds, Neeks.”

“Uh, no I don’t. Unless my father has something very important to announce to me, I need a bed for me, and a bed for Hazel.”

“What if I want to sleep over?”

“You can sleep on the porch.”

Mostly, they wander around the sets. Nico isn’t really sure what he wants his cabin to look like — he has to remind himself that yes, actually, he cares about the space he’ll be spending at least the next three years of his life in. It’s a startling reality, to have control over his own space. He must’ve had some say in his childhood bedroom, but he has no memory of it. He spent the most time in his and Bianca’s room at the Lotus, but that was already furnished when they got there, and besides, it only felt like they were there for less than a year. It always felt like a hotel room, never his room. Westminster was no different. His room in his father’s palace had already been designed, too. In fact he’d based his cabin on it.

What does Nico want his bedroom to look like, without someone else deciding for him?

“I’m not getting a fucking Lightning McQueen bed, Solace.”

“But it would be so sick! And look — it’s got little cubbies!”

“I’m going to ditch you, and shadow travel back to camp,” Nico threatens. “And I have the van keys, so you’ll be stuck here for real.”

“Hey, hey, hey.” Will looks at him sternly, hands on hips. “No shadow travelling for you, Death Breath. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t fade into nothing on my watch.”

“I’m joking,” Nico says, exasperated, but cannot deny the warmth that fills him up at Will’s concern.

In the end, he decides on a pretty normal bed. It’s bigger than Will’s bunk (“Or anyone else’s bed,” Will grumbles, “you lucky asshole.”), but not ridiculously designed. He picks a similar size for Hazel, only the frame is white, not black, and the bedspread that comes with it is a soft, coral pink that he knows she will like.

“Wanna see if they’ve got a Mythomagic bedspread for yours?” Will teases.

That would be the coolest thing ever in the entire world, Nico thinks, and is so embarrassed that he shoves Will, shrieking, into a giant basket of pillows for making him think it.

“Obviously I don’t want that.”

“You are such a turd! I’ll get you, di Angelo!”

He does not. Nico is way too sneaky for him, and after the fifth time Nico manages to give him the slip, he gives up, sulking in a display for a bedroom of a nine year old girl.

“Fitting,” Nico teases, gesturing to the princess wallpaper. “You drama queen.”

“Buzz off.”

Next, they look for furniture. It’s pretty easy — Nico doesn’t need much, and he’s not too concern with cut or style or anything. He quickly picks out two dressers, one to match Hazel’s bed frame, and one to match his, and then a couple bookshelves.

Four hours into their trip, Nico is exhausted. They have a three hour drive ahead of them, they’ve been out all day, and he wants to go home.

But Will stops him before they go get all the boxes for their furniture.

“This is still pretty bare bones,” he says quietly, then grins at his own accidental pun. Nico shoots him a venomous look, warning him against making it more obvious, and for once he actually listens. “You know, we’re still under budget. We’ve got around $200 left — we can get a motel, stay the night, then we don’t have to drive back right away. And tomorrow, maybe we can check out some other stores, look for smaller decorations and stuff. And if we don’t have to drive back tonight, we’ve maybe got another hour in here, if you wanted to get a couple more pieces.”

Nico opens his mouth to refuse — that’s way too much effort to spend on one person’s cabin, c’mon — then pauses, thinking about it.

Chiron hadn’t even thought about it before handing them the money. Will had barely gotten the words out before he’d started counting out the bills.

“I want you to make a home here,” the centaur had said, touching his hand. There was a pain in his kind eyes, stopping any protests. “I made a mistake, Nico, the first time you came here. In another life, you felt welcome enough to stay the whole time. Take what you need.”

What does he need? What does home look like, to him?

“There was a beanbag chair, in our room at the Lotus,” he says, pushing the words past the lump in his throat. “Me and Bianca used to fight over it.” His voice shakes. A tear gathers at the corner of his eye, and he blinks it back. “It wasn’t real fighting. When I called mercy she’d — scoop me up and throw me on it and squish in after me, and we’d sit together and play video games. Or read. She liked to read.”

Will squeezes his trembling hands. “We can get a beanbag chair.”

“And I — don’t like the blackout curtains. The dark makes me think of — the pit.”

“Okay. They sell lotsa lamps here, too. Might be nicer than the Greek fire.”

Nico nods. There’s — more, far more ideas, now, flooding his brain; Hazel crowding over him on a rug-covered floor, shrieking as he teases her about Frank; a desk tucked in the corner where Will sits, mouthing along to his textbooks as Nico sharpens his sword; Jason running his fingers along rows of books on a big, cluttered shelf; Reyna with her fist curled around her mouth, studying a chess board across from him, hair shining under the natural light from the window.

He can have that. He can have that.

Thankfully, all their stuff fits in the back of the van. Despite his insistence earlier, Nico hands Will the keys, and he drives around until he finds a shitty motel with a vacancy sign flashing out front. He pulls into the farthest corner of the parking lot, killing the engine, then waits.

“You okay?”

Nico shrugs. “I’m…not sure.”

“That’s okay,” Will assures, pressing a fleeting touch to his shoulder. Nico grabs his wrist before he moves away, tugging down his hand and linking their fingers together.

For once, it doesn’t make him feel all sparky. The warmth of Will’s hands is grounding, and so is the gentle squeeze, the smile he feels pointed in his direction.

“C’mon. Let’s check in and sleep, huh?”

Nico’s exhaustion compounds in the walk from the car to the lobby, so by the time Will is speaking quietly to the host, he’s half asleep, leaning on Will’s shoulder. He vaguely feels it when Will shifts his weight, sliding a hand around his waist to hold him better. He blinks and they’re standing in front of a door.

“Almost there, Death Boy,” he murmurs. “Hold on a sec.”

It takes him six separate tries to make the keycard work. He gets huffy when Nico snickers tiredly at him.

“Finally, yeesh.”

He guides Nico in, dropping the backpack he brought somewhere near the door. As soon as the bed is within Nico’s sights, he makes a beeline, barely remembering to shuck his shoes and jacket.

“Please do not sleep in your jeans.”

“Mmmfuck off,” Nico groans, already sliding under the covers. He’ll regret it in the morning, but whatever.

“Goober.” Callused hands brush through his hair, resting lightly on his forehead. “Goodnight, Nico.”

Nico’s out before he can even think to respond.

———

He wakes up, in the middle of the night, scream caught in his throat and heart pounding in his ears. The air smells like smoke and fear. The rushing of the Phlegethon is so loud it’s overpowering.

A loud snore knocks him back to reality.

Crawling desperately towards the source of the sound, he hangs over the bed, eyes adjusting rapidly to the dark to see a curled lump on the floor, head resting on his own hands. A quick glance behind him confirms the other half of the bed has been left untouched.

“Stupid,” he mumbles, tiny smile chasing away the last of his fear.

He tugs the blankets off the mattress, pulls off the two pillows, and joins his dumbass, selfless friend on the floor.

———

“Question,” Will asks, swallowing the last of their disgustingly delicious greasefest of a breakfast. “Were you alive when Walmart was invented?”

“I was alive before your great grandmother was.”

“No, I mean — were you out and kickin’. Have you strolled the endless aisles of corporate soullessness, basking in the wonder of American overconsumerism?”

“…You’re such a weird, particular person.”

Will looks delighted. “You’re a Walmart newbie!”

He pulls into the dead, cracked parking lot way too happily for this hour in the morning. Nico would even say he takes the nearest exit to get to the store gleefully. He is embarrassed for him.

Walmart is…underwhelming.

As stupid as it is, Will had hyped it up so much that Nico was almost a little excited. It just looked like any other basic superstore. Will, for whatever reason, seemed delighted by that fact.

“I do not like this store,” he explained when Nico asked, expression not matching his words, “it just means so very much to me that you are joining me in the misery of having experienced it.”

They spend more time than they mean to just dicking around. At one point they nearly get thrown out by management, because Will finds a pair of NERF guns that some child dug out of its packaging and no words need to be spoken. They gear up and scamper off, hunting each other through fluorescent-lights hell.

“Please just get your shit and leave,” says the very tired looking manager, and they have the good gall to at least appear embarrassed as they mumble, “Yes, ma’am.”

It doesn’t take long when they have their head on straight. They get some fairy lights, a couple cool posters, dorky little trinkets that Nico probably doesn’t need, per se, but what was he supposed to do, leave the little plastic crow skeleton behind?

Unlikely.

With his own money, Will buys several cans of paint and a CD. He explains neither of these purchases. The look on his face gets steadily more infuriating as they make their way through the line, and Nico really, truly considers leaving him behind.

The purchase of the CD becomes very obvious very quickly. Even though Nico is driving, and therefore Nico should get music control, Will pouts and pleads until Nico gives in and lets him play his stupid country album. He justifies his decision in his own brain by noticing the radiance of Will’s smile as he belts out the words, badly, at the top of his lungs. He then spends the rest of the drive back to camp convincing himself not to be embarrassed for having said thoughts.

They get back to camp about lunch time, and Will destroys any attempt for a subtle reentry by whistling the second they cross the property line.

“Austin! Kayla!” he hollers, making Nico jump. “Come help us unload!”

“We coulda done it ourselves,” Nico grumbles.

Will pats his head condescendingly. “It has been twenty-four long, long hours since I’ve bosses my siblings around, Neeks. I need this.”

It does go by quite a bit quicker with Austin and Kayla’s help. Lou Ellen, Cecil, Yan, and Gracie come to help, too, but Gracie’s too little to carry much more than a small desk lamp. Instead, they lay down the biggest box — Nico’s bed frame — and let her climb on top of it, carrying her like she’s a queen atop a throne back to Nico’s cabin. She has the time of her life, giggling to herself like a madwoman.

By the time everything’s unloaded, a couple hours have passed, and the Hades cabin looks like a clusterfuck.

“Maybe you stay in Apollo a couple more nights,” Will suggests.

“Might have to,” Nico agrees. Will looks inordinately pleased with himself.

All in all, it takes about two days to disassemble the old furniture, get rid of it, and start putting together the new stuff. Will helps for most of it, but he has a few shifts in the infirmary, so Nico ends up trying to do a fair bit on his own.

“May the wrath of Zeus come down upon this fucking piece of shit, no good, poorly designed garbage-looking idiotic mother fuc —”

“Maybe time for a break from furniture assembling?” suggests a voice, accompanied by a quick knock in the open door. Will leans on the doorframe, grinning, box propped up on his hip.

“Will, thank the gods,” Nico sighs, relieved. He angrily shakes a tool in his direction. “Allen wrenches are fucking useless. I’m three seconds away from throwing this through the window.”

“Definitely time for a switch, then.”

Will’s smile is wide and crinkles his eyes. He’s got dimples, too, Nico is now noticing, and then very rapidly un-noticing then because gods above that is a dangerous path.

“Did you and Rachel get into another prank war?” he asks, praying the flush on his cheeks goes away.

Will glances down at his paint-spattered clothes. “Nah, this is just my painting outfit. Why ruin more than one set of clothes, you know?” He sets down the box in the middle of the room, then heads for the half-built furniture sprawled all throughout the cabin, tugging it all towards the middle. Nico inches towards the box, curious, and finds it full of dozens of paint cans and brushes, including the ones he got at Walmart.

“I didn’t know you painted.”

He flashes another grin in Nico’s direction. This one has a little mischief to it, a little teasing. His stomach swoops.

“Gotta have at least one artistic talent or my dad would disown me. Help me tape down this tarp, will you?”

It takes them twenty minutes to prep the room, protecting the floor and the furniture. Once everything is ready, Will jogs over to the CD player he gave Nico a few days ago, flicking through the stack of CDs and choosing one at random. Soft opera music begins to float around the cabin.

“Okay,” he begins, clapping his hands, “first we need a base coat. Get the white paint and the rollers.”

It takes them the rest of the day, painting until dinner, then waiting past sunset for it to dry. Nico follows Will back to his cabin that night — he wouldn’t let him sleep around the paint fumes — and the two of them return the next morning, re-donning their paint-spattered clothes. Will braids his hair, this time, tucking the little pigtails behind a kerchief. It makes Nico smile every time he looks at him.

As much as he’s in painting clothes, Nico doesn’t really do much of the painting. He stays in the centre of the room, half assembling furniture, half watching Will bring his walls to life with more colours than he’s ever seen in one place.

Will doesn’t ask what Nico wants him to paint in his murals. Instead, Nico watches as the streets of Venice begin to unfold on one of the walls, bright and blue and exactly as he remembers, even though he knows for a fact Will has never been. The shining fruit of his stepmother’s garden is next, with a notable absence of the pomegranate tree, and then the hills of New Rome, the sunflower field in rural New York Nico used to visit, the Chinese mountainscape from the first big shadow travelling jump he ever made. Even the poplar forests of the Underworld, looking much kinder and livelier in Will’s rendition than in real life, with Mrs. O’Leary and Cerberus chasing each other through the flickering leaves. Beautiful, colourful, breathtaking scenes; Nico’s favourite places, Nico’s many homes.

“I get a lot of dreams,” Will admits, dragging a smear of rich purple near the ceiling. “You’re in a lot of them. These are the places you’re smiling, the most.”

“They’re beautiful, Will.” Nico’s throat is drier than any desert he’s ever been to. “Gods, they’re more beautiful here than they are in real life.”

“Liar,” Will teases, although his smile is shy.

Nico has never seen him smile like that. He’s seen a lot more of Will in these past few days, actually; his softness, his kindness, his love.

He has only knows Will for a little over a month, he thinks. But Will loves him. That much is obvious.

“Hey.”

“Hm?”

His eyes are still trained on his work. He is on his tiptoes on a step stool, one leg extended precariously, tongue peeking out of the corner of his mouth. The curve of his brush is careful, meticulous. Only the best for his friends, for Nico. That’s Will.

“Hey,” Nico says again, more urgently. He steps forward, wrapping his fingers around his wrist.

“Just a sec, Neeks, as soon as I’m done we can —”

Nico pulls until he loses his balance, falling into Nico’s arms. He stares into wide, blue blue eyes, for one second, two, then presses their lips together. Will’s squeak of surprise is swallowed by his mouth, hands sliding up his arms to cup his face, tilting his head to the side.

“Oh,” he sighs, eyelashes ticking Nico’s cheeks as they flutter close. “Oh.”

He melts into Nico’s hold. There’s a thunk and a crinkle as his paintbrush falls from his loose fingers, splattering onto the tarp, and paint-wet hands tangle into his hair. Nico finds he doesn’t mind.

“You love me,” he murmurs in between breaths, lips brushing Will’s with every word.

“Yes,” Will breathes. He kisses Nico again, and again. “A lot.”

“Good.” He’s not sure if it’s the paint fumes making him lightheaded, or the odd, slightly uncomfortable position, or the intoxicating, delirious feel of Will’s warm skin. He’s not sure if he cares. “Good.”

It’s not quite an I-love-you-too. The words won’t form on his tongue, so instead he tightens his hold, sending them that way, and presses closer, closer, closer.

Will smiles into the kiss.

He understands just fine.

[useyourwordsdarling]

Hey, I hope this isn't too rude considering you already have an effing mountain of asks in your inbox, but I wanted to express my gratitude. No pressure to respond; I just hope you see it, and it makes you smile. Just read the pink out of this word salad; my kink is that I feel the need to explain my reasoning like a proper STEM idiot.

(below explaining why I'm thanking you essentially)

Probably oversharing here, but:

For the last two years or so, I've started to believe that the only men who would accept me were those that needed me as their therapist rather than a partner. I don't mean just listening to them; I mean them struggling with mental health crises and me having to pick up the pieces like the empathetic dumbass I am (and them being too scared to call the hospital). These are just the sort of people I seem to attract. As you can imagine, that did wonders for my self-worth and future perception of people who hit on me.

I already consider myself an eccentric woman. Among other things, my libido often feels insatiable. I write smut both on and off tumblr, the latter of which is some of the most nonsensical, most embarrassing, most bizarre shit I have ever written. 783 pages since 2020, the last 100 pages of which have been me realizing I have a deep-seated desire to be a cocksleeve. It's hard enough to tell people how much I care about having a healthy, passionate sexual relationship without bringing any of that into the mix.

(end explanation, TL;DR I attract shitty men and am insecure as hell about my own sexual preferences.)

All of that has made me despair on numerous occasions that I will ever get to know someone who both actually loves me and wants to fuck the absolute shit out of me.

But blogs like yours have lifted me out of that hellhole of anxiety more than once. Seeing both your own fantasies and the way you respond to your asks makes me feel like I'm not doomed to a relationship where I will have to sacrifice a large part of myself for the other person's sake. It makes me think: "People like this exist somewhere."

Thank you for being a dom that cares about your sub, and thank you for sharing on this blursed platform where I could see you.

Side (less wholesome) note: Yes, you have provided a lot of fuel for my smut pieces, and I am officially blaming you for the fact that there are now 446 fucking instances of the word "Daddy" in my most recent collection.

I appreciate how much effort you put into making this. And as another STEM idiot I love the way you made your reasoning. Also to be clear I love asks, I just have a hard time replying to many at once, but I appreciate them a lot.

And as to you attracting shitty men, I understand how exhausting and how heavy it might be the burden to carry the responsibility over someone’s mental health issues. But I think that also says a lot about your character, how you’re someone who’s really caring. Who wants to help these people, which is an amazing thing but it can be problematic if you don’t set boundaries. Which is a hard thing to do (I know because I’m bad at that…) it’s healthy to focus on your own mental health, your own problems. Especially when we have very little energy left.

And you aren’t doomed for that type of relationship I believe. And I hope you eventually find the right person who’ll love you and not make you responsible over their mess (and also fuck the shit out of you, fingers crossed). So it’s just a matter of time

Side (even less wholesome) note: I’d be lying if I said part of me isn’t curious about those 446 instances now..

[ticklishraspberries]

Intimacy (Alex/Henry)

Summary: Henry wants to sleep in and cuddle, but Alex is awake and fidgety. Laughter ensues. (For Day 2 of @august-anon's weekly Tickletober prompts!! Thanks to everyone who voted for this ship and I hope you all enjoy the fic!!)

Henry has spent so many years of his life without affection.

His family is distant, all but Bea, whose love usually comes in quick hugs, the occasional ruffle of his hair. Henry’s love life has only been able to exist in the shadows, hidden by his family. Any feelings were pushed down, just trying to get by with hook-ups and longing glances.

When Alex comes around, the touch comes slow: It starts with the occasional accidental brushes, knuckles and knees bumping together. Then, the passionate kissing, the sex. They start with sex, then love and intimacy, those things have to come after. It’s easier that way for them both.

Alex grew up differently, surrounded by love. His parents, his sister, his friends and past girlfriends. But he was always so busy with school, with following his dreams and helping his family. Affection wasn’t as foreign to him, but true intimacy with a romantic partner wasn’t something he had much experience with.

Now, their love is in full swing, everything is intimate and beautiful and Henry receives affection at a much higher rate than he’s used to, and it’s simultaneously weird and perfect. They love each other fiercely, and they’re always touching.

Henry’s always been an early riser, Alex too, but after late nights talking and touching, they find themselves sleeping in. Well, Henry is sleeping in, and holding Alex hostage with him.

“Baby, I was gonna order breakfast for us,” he mutters.

Henry groans. “No, you’re staying here.”

Alex gives a fond chuckle. “Are you holding me hostage in this bed?”

Snuggling closer, Henry hums in affirmation. He nuzzles his face into the crook of Alex’s neck, pressing a gentle kiss there.

Alex squirms, a hopeless smile curling on his face. “Watch it.”

“Watch what? Am I tickling you?” Henry asks.

“No,” Alex replies, unconvincingly, his smile evident in his voice. “I just don’t want to lay in bed all day, your royal laziness.”

Henry gives a playful gasp and brings his fingers to Alex’s bare side, spidering his fingers over tanned skin with the precision of a pianist. He knows it’s technically only going to wake them both up more, going against his original goal of keeping them in bed longer, but those giggles are just too tempting. He couldn’t resist, pressing those kisses into his neck while simultaneously tickling his sides, making Alex squirm like mad, soft giggles quickly transforming into genuine laughter.

Alex had grown up being tickled by June, and tickling her back, whereas Henry’s experience with tickling had been much less frequent. His father had done it when he was a child, and Bea had done it a little more. Still, he had to learn all of Alex’s spots, figure out how to poke and scribble in the right ways. It hadn’t been very hard, considering Alex is very sensitive and incredibly responsive. Henry likes knowing that Alex isn’t just laughing out of anticipation or the silliness of the situation, but because he’s actually doing a good job at tickling.

“Baby, c’mon,” Alex whines. “If I stay in bed, will you cut it out?”

Henry’s fingers dance up to his ribs. “Hmm…Maybe?”

“That’s so not fair!” Alex snorts, trying to roll away and getting tangled in the bedsheets, his legs kicking uselessly. It’s a pretty adorable sight, and Henry is so smitten.

“Well, if I’m tickling you, you are technically still in bed. I win either way.”

“You’re such an ass,” Alex replied, batting uselessly at his hands.

Henry nipped at his collarbone as a little punishment for the comment. He was such a brat, and Henry loved him for it. He loved his touch, his laugh, his sassy comments.

Now that he has this love, this affection in his life, he’s never going to give it up.