#little guy straight up doing nothing
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@sadraccoon061 i made axl some matchy outfits bc camouflage is important when out of water!!
cc credit to @kouzeesim @sentate @saurusness @joliebean @jius-sims @trillyke @nucrests @magnetic-sims4 @saruin @pralinesims @bluecravingcc
#theyre so cute help#it felt wrong to even think about posing them mf is just standing there#living their life#all they know is water and pond weed and Worms#little guy straight up doing nothing#sims 4#ts4#ts4 cas#mine#but not actually just the outfits lmao
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in a mood (ID in alt)
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#doing straight up nothing with the bestie. really good activity of doing nothing#i mainly drew this just so i can test how itd be not drawing their faces bc i Love drawing their faces a little too much.#maybe ill throw them in a more intense situation next time i try it bc it just ended up focusing on wolfwood and his silly newspaper#he's reading the news... cruel happenings all around no mans land... have to keep up to know where to go next and where to avoid#but theres also some guy in the same room being distracting as hell. i think they can coexist without bothering each other but theyd#be so painfully aware of the other person... both of them usually have tended to their own space after all for years. ww especially i think#would be easily distracted with vash's presence bc he's spent 2 years thinking about him already (for his mission...)#and thinking about vash is a Little easier than dealing with his personal anguish#though it can definitely overlap too. and sometimes its not that bad. sometimes its just vash's hand feeling unexpectedly nice and gentle#ruporas art
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Always lowkey simmering a Leverage AU in the back of my head hear me out:
Ted is an ex-insurance investigator who was able to get his son life-saving medical treatment because his first, original Crime Pal Beard was like ‘Ted if your company doesn’t come through with the coverage, we’re doing things my way.’
The company did not come through. The company did let him go due to suspicion of Ted’s involvement in the incident, but Ted will happily remind folks that no charges were formally pressed. Henry is alive and healthy and living with Michelle, who divorced Ted shortly thereafter (not just because of pre-existing marital problems, but because Ted wouldn’t tell her anything about why the doctors “””suddenly decided to do the procedure for free”””). Shortly thereafter, Ted fled the country.
What Ted learned from the whole experience is that there’s a lot of people out there, good people just trying to live by the rules, but sometimes things happen that are just out of their control. And well- if we’ve got the means to help the good people out when no one else will, then shouldn’t we try?
“We’ve got means,” Beard agrees. “And motives.”
They do things Beard’s way now.
#also Rebecca is a grifter who gave it up when she married into money and her name(s) echo mysteriously through the back alleys of London#“did you hear about this Secret Princess Lydia who went missing in the 90s?’ ‘yes Ted that was me’#the woman is constantly dodging every half-told lie she made on a lark twenty years ago but she is amazing at keeping them straight#and Roy- Roy long ago took an injury that ended his career as a footballer before it started#and he fell into a bad spot as a hitter#and then he fell into a worse spot#and then he dug himself out for his neice that no one knows about (see: everyone knows about think mafia kid no one is allowed to touch her)#the problem now is he’s getting old#the hits hit harder and his speed isn’t what it used to be#(Roy Kent’s slow is still leagues beyond what these young wannabe punks can do these days)#keeley! she is a sneak thief. very charming. tiny. great with repelling down sides of buildings#loves money and shiny rocks and thinks Rebecca is the bee’s knees#and then there’s Jamie who is a 24 year old hacker with gaudy taste no knack for accents and a problem with authority#in this au him and ted have basically split Nate’s backstory#Ted’s dad took him to bars and taught him little tricks and mind games- nothing fancy just stuff an HR person might know#meanwhile Jamie’s dad took him to shady deals in bars because his dad was a fixer who’d put bad guys in touch with each other#jamie keeps a tracker running on his laptop with his dad’s whereabouts at all times#unfortunately he didn’t think that anyone else would bother looking for him- he’s not exactly a big time crook#but Ted and his crew have pissed off Rupert Mannion who is big time and who wants to hit back at Rebecca for making a fool of him#and Mannion’s people have identified that the way in to breaking their little crew is through Jamie#who’s name sounds so ridiculous people have assumed it was fake this whole time#anyways#thanks for reading#I will likely never write this but boy I have ideas 💡#leverage au#ted lasso#jamie tartt#roy kent#keeley jones#rebecca welton
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Highkey I could go on and on about how much I adore X-Men Evolution #9, like the art style, the actual changes in outfit for the characters, great palettes, the super fun paneling and overlaps, and did I mention the outfits? Anyways I love it sm, and honestly just love all of the Evo tie-in comics, if you like the show I highly recommend them, there aren't many but they're fun :3
#its only downside is so little rogue but ill take what i can get if it means outfit changes#yall dont know how much fun little outfits mean to me#especially when my fav Nightcrawler is constantly in that grody ass supersuit when hes normal#like ik its because its defo a pain in the ass to put in him civvies with his digi lets but like damn guys please#he had an alternate civvies outfit in like 1 episode and nothing past that#but tbf i only just finished season 2#x men evolution#its only annoying bc im straight up only into X-Men Evolution#i unfortunately do not feel any draw to look into the other comics like i am w DC :[
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aurghhh ok still rewatching '97 and the way guts and casca only have the room to breathe and really come to understand and care for each other in griffith's absence because he has such a strong hold over them both.... and the way their mutual dedication to him is what causes them to bicker for years (casca thinks he's not serving him well enough, guts thinks she doesn't get that he cares/how much he cares, casca's jealousy over griffith's feelings for guts, how he won his heart without even trying or being aware of it or doing anything with it) and is also a big part of what brings them together (earlier when guts deviates from the plan to save griffith and she commends him, in the cave casca opening up about griffith and her's past, showing that vulnerability, while it's mostly confrontational, leads to guts kinda getting her better, and his efforts to save and protect her (falling off the cliff with her, taking on the 100 men so she can escape, encouraging her to return to griffith so she can help him because it's what she feels she's meant to do (her dream, the direction in life guts shares and yet is questioning because of griffith's speech at the fountain, whether or not it's enough to serve him if it means he'll never be a true friend in griffith's eyes because he's not an equal), supporting the idea of her being with griffith/being his most important person like he won't because he doesn't view it as a competition like she has been since day one) leading to her realizing that he's kind of not that bad a guy and they have a lot more in common that she thought. and how the bonfire of dreams conversation is guts opening up to her in kind, the answer to her talking about how griffith saved her, how she feels. how neither of them ever call it love but it's something they know they both have for griffith. how it's something they're beginning to have for each other, different in ways they couldn't put a word to. because they're equals this time. the way griffith kind of becomes less and less important as they find other reasons to live and fight, as they become less singularly obsessed with him. how griffith is unable to stand it, guts' personhood, that agency and peer-to-peer equality he claimed to want (and perhaps truly did) that disappeared guts from his life, his plans, his side. how it barely even matters to griffith how casca changes because he never wanted her like she wanted him. god i can't fucking stand their shakespearean nonsense drama (<- hopelessly in love with their interpersonal dynamics)
#god they're the only healthy part of this unholy mind-palace love triangle/throuple aren't they#they could have been the worst qpr/throuple in your social circle. like just insufferable when they're not getting along#if griffith hadn't [oh god oh fuck oh jesus christ] all over everything even remotely good in his life anyway#poor casca's in love with a gay man and then falls for his not-quite-boyfriend and when not-quite-boyfriend reciprocates said gay man fucki#g. Does The Eclipse Stuff. at least partially to get back at you two. oh my godd#i'm sorry i'm so not normal about them. it's starting to leak out into the blog bc i'm finally having a Berserk Moment since starting tumbl#but whewwwww. gotta get this outta my system#hope this wall of text makes sense oops <3#berserk#berserk 1997#how do i even tag their thang. their disastrous just horrible agonizing 3 guy dynamic. hm.#gutsca#griffguts#don't even know if anyone tags for griffith and casca. fair because 1) he raped her. yikes 2) he just straight up isn't into her#and i don't know if there's a tag for the three of them but trial and error led to nothing#but i wanna talk about their dynamic. their. (gestures wildly) whatever. it's not about thinking griffith should kiss anyone it's about lik#the agony. the pining and the torment and whatever miura so beautifully crafted for me specifically. sheesh#hope it's clear that i Don't Want Them To Be An Uwu Little Polycule Bc Casca Should Not Be In A Cutesy Throuple With Her Rapist#it's more that i think they kind of are or almost are part of this (gestures wildly again). Thing. with each other and i wanna talk about i#same with griffguts like oh man they should NOT be in a relationship. but i have this deep intense Need to study them and frankly they're#kind of crazy about each other for a while. like they care about each other so so much it's crucial to all three of their characters.#so it's kind of unavoidable. and i wanna talk about it. and have this read by people who also want to talk about it. yeah? yeah.#(and yeah i think griffith raping casca was about her and guts. like 'fuck you for making him okay with leaving me' type of vibe. even#though it wasn't her fault he's just. god. but it sure as hell isn't Mostly about casca because griffith's making eye contact like the Whol#time with guts. he makes him watch. it's just. shooooooooooo aughhhhghhghh fucking. jesus christ. that or it's the fear that his two most#important pawns are going to leave him Together and he just. can't deal with that. especially after the torture internment thing.#he's so weak and he was so close to his dream and now it's falling apart and they're leaving him and he can't even move. it's about making#damn sure they can't escape him or forget him ever again.#or maybe it's even a 'you can't have her she's mine' to guts but it's still largely like. spiteful/about possessing her as a soldier/human#because i don't think you could convince me it's about having her as a lover or about controlling/hurting/possessing her body.)
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twitter is entering their "rts > likes" phase now that likes are private after they spent years calling us ungrateful for being demotivated by ratios lmao
#man fuck yall just support artists you enjoy#dont attack people who dont rb/rt your art (hell they might even have it scheduled) but also dont constantly demand ''content'' from people#ESPECIALLY without telling them that you appreciate the effort they put in to show you cool things they made for free#you should've been rt'ing/rb'ing from the START 😒 just show people you care!#im just waiting to scroll through post after post of ppl calling out ''entitled artists'' lmao#btw my opinion on the whole thing is painfully neutral if you couldnt tell#i dont think you should care that much about numbers and ppl take it wayyyyyy too far#throwback to that one guy who personally @ everyone who didnt reblog their art that was CRAZY. i would straight up report you KJFGHKG#i also understand and have personally experienced how much engagement can change your mood#a simple ''i love this!'' can make someone's day. it's not hard to understand why ppl like engagement#when they make post after post without so much as a little tag they dont care about sharing anymore#the fact that people call that ''entitlement'' is also crazy#i have a lot of drawings i havent posted or just left nonrebloggable bc it really doesnt make a difference lmao#the only ones i leave rebloggable are the ones that i Know will do well and get attention. like the little pig redraw#if it's cute or funny it gets positive attention. anything else is shit on here lmao#it's just not as fun to share. it either leads to no engagement or negative engagement#would rather have nothing than something rude so whatever#some ppl say it's always been like this but no it absolutely was not always like this#idk what exactly caused the change. probably a lot of factors#could even just be the fandoms i hang around in! but considering i've seen the same sentiment from a bunch of ppl i doubt it's that#the best solution to no engagement is to just make friends and have fun#but 90% of the internet is hostile and negative and rude for no fucking reason#when i unfollowed someone on my old public twitter and they @ me over it. damn i dont know why but NOW i know why 😭#this post has gone way off course im just ranting at this point. i havent talked in a while hi how have you guys been#work was a lot yesterday and today is too slow (im not at work im just going crazy in my house)#(and i cant leave my house bc there's construction blocking the road someone save me)#chat
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Why I Am Not Coming In To Work Today [abridged], Jess Zimmerman
part one | part two
#toronto maple leafs#HELLO EVERYBODY THIS HAS BEEN MONTHS!!! MONTHS IN THE MAKING BECAUSE i AM UNHINGED AND NEEDED THE PRECISE PICTURES THAT I KNEW I WOULD GET#like. seventy five percent of this has been done since the first time i posted this and while it has gotten better with time because#my narratives simply got more complex and there's so much of this that is For Me but don't worry i will explain but aLSO goddamn mitch coul#you have gotten married any later in the year. also willy you truly disappointed me by not getting an absurd haircut this year (now that#i've said this he's going to debut it on instagram like. tomorrow. but anyway that meant y'all got to enjoy my neuroses of#Loving Tyler Bertuzzi who is a goddamn leaf. the joys of having to wait to post this (was not a leaf at the time i started it) and anyway i#have at length i think had the breakdown about tyler in pigtails girl dad & how i got a bob & then tyler copied me which was rude. that's m#gender. ANYWAY starting from the top we got sheldon keefe documentation which was really just the personal decision that i wanted all the#coaching staff to be the markers in the poem/the bold & also at the TIME keefe hadn't re-signed &we thought it might be everybody out w/kyl#anyway the title of the scrap of an old lover's flannel is literally 'u think this is about sheldon & kyle NO it's about timothy liljegren'#bc. liljegren was on the marlies winning cup team & has had a contentious relationship w/keefe ever since & was healthy scratched in playof#& the narrative is sooooo. also at one point for the ryan o'reilly i was going to edit the stlb out of his grandma's shirt or cover it w/th#childhood dreams line but THEN i found the gio snapped stick one which was too perfect for 'crumbling copy' the ryan o'reilly To Me is so.#ur insane in ways u did not think for that one. like. how soft her hands were. his grandma you guys. he grew up a leafs fan. if he ever get#to lift the cup with her again i will lose my shit. the cup run a movie i remember nothing--OKAY the spezz one i knew i needed him stresse#but also i believe in the spezz/kyle narrative so. it comes up later don't worry ALSO SPEZZ FOLLOWING HIM TO PITT CAME AFTER I MADE THIS bu#the muzz tea one makes me a little sensy bc muzz was out with an injury for most of this season & it was a really scary spinal one & so yea#& then the simmer one just straight up makes me cry bc i love him so much & the work that he does for anti-racism in hockey means so much &#if you have that video open & watch it i promise you will cry i do every time it's so beautiful he had to be on comforted by beauty & sammy#boy is on the a man who doesn't know me because EYE remember the caps goalie tandems. baby lilya. the mo one is a little funny bc it is#solely due to wade's thread about mo rielly the coal miner homestead husband. that's why he moves to omaha also i think it suits him (quiet#OK NOW OLD MEN IN LOVE NARRATIVE this one's in contention for my fave bc it's spezz coping w/retirement fundamental meaningless of existenc#u heard abt tyler already that's for me the minchy picture was just too good i had found it earlier & i spent SO LONG looking for an empty#leafs rink picture for bathtub i have some cool construction photos but i wanted the melting ice ones (thought about tahoe lol) & the sprin#one i manip'd a lot bc i needed a spring picture bc playoffs clinch in spring & that one fit so coincidentally perfect bc it's 7 straight#seasons 7 guys so. :) & i KNEW i swore to god they did more milk advertising i knew i was gonna do this one from the minute i saw the poem#the milk patch & it took a hot minute BUT I FOUND THIS ONE this one's for funsies. AND THE PIC I WAITED SO FUCKING LONG FOR this is actuall#from kerf's wedding but i was like i know on god mitch is getting married this summer & that's about to be the drunkest shenanigans wedding#i'm waiting for the pics. & then i was BLESSED with this one which is beautiful & perfect & LOOK AT THEM. anyway the last one is bc
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I was reading The Monkey King's Daughter (you can read the whole book for an hour) and apparently the protagonist is also Guanyin's grandchild? Can Guanyin be shipped?
I mean I can’t say like what are like the moral implications of shipping GuanYin itself cause that is so not my place but I’m still going to answer this cause it kinda of interesting when it comes to modern media. First off saying that like I have never really seen romance done with GuanYin. At least in a serious way. But if I had to take a guess it can be seen as 'possible' as much as like shipping anyone in Chinese mythos, in that isn't really taken seriously at all. In a lot of modern fan spaces there are a variety of crack ships for more humorous or hypothetical situations like I have seen literally the Star of Venus shipped with Jade Emperor just cause. But I don't see much with buddhas or bodhisattvas in either post-modern media nor in fan spaces. At least that isn't Wukong or Sanzang since they are both Buddhas. And I have done a whole thing about how Wukong for decades wasn’t seen as a romantic figure until like there was a huge character reconstruction, but that isn’t usually the case for most characters.
I would say that the most mainstream instance I can think off the top of my head is The Lost Empire (2001) where it had the main character has a romantic plot with Gaunyin herself. Of course, that wasn't really a masterpiece within itself but this was considered like a 'bad choice' more so that it was just a very strange and awkward romance at that.
Funny enough I think I see more romantic for humor's sake on Guanyin in comic books or games as likes gags at most. Like in Westward comics (later a tv series) Guanyin has a celestial-turned-demon trying to pursue him that he always rejects. Another is more play for laughs but Guanyin in the Fei Ren Zai where people just don't know it's Guanyin and think she is so attractive.
I've seen some games that have Guanyin as like a pretty boy/girl but otherwise nothing even close to a romance plot. Those are more just for like aesthetics of making every character look overly attractive to sell it.
The best I can say is that is just kinda strange and a little strange personally but I can't say that it can be taken seriously. I mean Wukong is supposed to be a Buddha by the end of the novel, so if The Monkey King's Daughter has it that a buddha can have a daughter then there wouldn't be anything stopping the author from having a bodhisattva having kids.
#anon ask#anonymous#anon#ask#sun wukong#monkey king#guanyin#chinese mythos#monkey king's daughter#Wukong is pretty self contained within Xiyouji himself so asking for a little bit of suspension of disbelief can be understood#but Gaunyin has a much longer history that is far more embedded with Buddhist mythology#She isn’t just a character in Xiyouji#and it would be limiting to her just to make it so#but I do think that might be the case in some media when it comes to portraying Gaunyin#esp since most modern interpretations of Guanyin are from xiyouji material just cause the sheer amount of xiyouji content there is#I rarely see Guanyin stand alone moves/shows and there are some trust me but most of her portrayals are within xiyouji spaces#there is a lot of conversation about xiyouji either being a reconstruction or a deconstruction of religion#and while the book is SATURATED in allegorical meaning whether in taoism buddhism or chinese lore it is also seen as satire of religion#people can take xiyouji as pointing out the flaws in humanity but also the flaws of heaven as well as it humanizes both gods and buddhas#this kinda of humanization can be seen as disrespectful to a certain extent but it is what makes these figures more engaging as characters#from a writing standpoint at least#this is me just rambling now about the interesting dycotomy that xiyouji has and has had with religion and how that can be see as today#to a certain extent a lot of directors take xiyouji plots as also their own way to show the heavens in their own way to convey satire#or humor as well depending on what their direction is aiming for#Some even go so far to make that heaven is just straight up the bad guy and that includes buddha as well which is a FAR more wild take than#just having romance in the heavens#But xiyouji does have it that we see these mythological figures have flaws#that heaven can lie or trick or they can take bribes and its up to the audience to interpretation as either satire or if it is critiquing#perhaps religion itself or rather the religious institutions since we do see both daoist and buddist monks as antagonists in the book#this as nothing to do with the ask at this point but i just wanna say my thoughts
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Hi this is a vent post! Continue scrolling if you'd rather not see that
#Giving time...#Still more time...#Wouldn't want to plague any previews#Maybe another filler. Just for some fun#Is this enough?#It certainly is now#Alright start:#I'm so bored. I am so incredibly; intrinsically; entirely bored. I have been taught the same thing for four years straight#'It's only four years!' that's literally a quarter of my lifetime right there. My formative years are being spent stressed and in a state /#/of constant self-loathing#I was watching a YT video and the phrase 'attention-starved STEM major' came up and I was like. Yea#What am I even working towards? The hope that my version of capitalist hell isn't as bad as everyone else's? I'm just so sick of not /#/having a stable future what with politics and normal working people becoming more and more oppressed#I don't want to work and that's not because I'm lazy. It's because my brain is recognising that there is no reward anymore#I used to have such a little spark in Yr7. I remember having things to say and wanting to share everything I've done#I still do that now; sure I do. I don't enjoy it though#I thought I liked drawing but I'm realising that all I really like is the attention. I COULD draw things I like drawing... but then I /#/ don't get attention which my mind then classifies as zero reward#I'm very tired of doing things for no credit; reward; or validation. This is becoming a theme#Then I wonder what I'm doing wrong. What part of the algorithm am I not hitting. Then I realise that I'm just not marketable in a way#God. I'm seriously breaking rn. It's not even only because of GCSEs#It's just a culmination of doing all these things to be told that I am unworthy of Having as a result. It doesn't matter if I'm smart; my /#/ parents still don't own their house and can't afford to pay for heating most days#Literally what am I doing this for#And then I realise that all of this is ALSO attention-seeking behaviour! I'm my own worst problem; I recognise exactly what's wrong with /#/ myself but the body wants what it wants. And what it wants is validation that I'm not going to get in this life#Hi guys! Maybe don't interact. That could fix me#Wean me off of needing virtual numbers just to feel something. Jesus#I can't even be happy with the things that I make for myself. Because I make nothing for myself anymore#It's just a whole sad existence of an expected 12hr+ of school every day until I get a job I guess. Then it's 12hr+ of job every day until
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discovery of the day
#im sorry i do Not see what everyone sees in this movie. although from the years of browsing the internet ive began to realize#that i actually dont know if people actually like the movie or not#why is everything so rushed#their romance felt like nothing to me because i dont KNOW what they see in eachother#listen you dont have to tell me straight up into the camera why they love eachother#but the aggressive kissing and cut sex scenes arent telling me much#i get that it came out in 2005 but cutting mostly every gay sex scene? even the kissing for the most part?#but oh we NEED to see this happy husband and wife doing it. yes im bitter#a german movie by the name of summer storm came out the year before this one and actually shows something that feels like actual passion#i sound like i need to see people doing it in these movies all the time I promise thats not it#but even the kissing? the thing i Actually like the most? the thing that makes me feel things? felt like nothing at all#and oh i forgot that this is a tragic gay movie where one of them dies. Oh yeah. forgot.#mentioning summer storm again: it actually has a relatively happy ending. feels good that i dont need to be reminded of how gay people are#doomed 24/7.#the romance started good. with jack telling the guy whos name i already forgot to get his ass in the tent already.#the Pulling his arm over my body thing. it was going great#THEN IT WENT SO FAST! WHY WAS HE SUDDENLY SO INTO IT! WHY WERE THEY BOTH SUDDENLY DOING IT#im sorry i expected a slighter slow burn than this!!! calm down cowboys i have no idea why you two like eachother all of the sudden!#i seriously thought they would show these little moments of tension#and it just growing bigger and bigger#until they couldnt take it anymore#that would explain the aggressiveness of it! why they were so desperate! but it literally just HAPPENED!!!!!!!!!#im sorry i. I expected more of this movie that i hear so much about.#the most it made me feel was at that moment that turned into a meme where i thought “Hop on fortnite”#chuckled. that was it. did i cry? did my heart race at any moment? was i worried about what was gonna happen? not Once#im so. Disappointed.#after this i wanted to watch summer storm but netflix removed it. Its a german only movie no one knows from 2004. where the hell am i gonna#🏴☠️ that#AAAGHHHH!!!!!!!#not being able to watch summer storm made me cry more than this movie did What the hell
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been on a rich journey of niche productions of yore, found these production pics ft. will roland as [?] in "zombies, actually....an undead musical" performed at the new orleans fringe festival in 2011
#found this from 1) looking at will's bio on The Bus website 2) looking up the ''we didn't have time to be scared'' production he cites#there from edinburgh fringe festival which is also niche enough a result is a 2018 bio of his on another site mentioning This show#which i'd either never heard of or entirely forgotten about ever hearing of. found from 2 actors' personal sites w/production pics#also found out this was another musical by the fantasy football: the musical? writer. debuted in nymf 2009 but nyu workshop 2011....#rights site saying skip ''must be charming and adorable'' Done & Done. look at this little guy#another review (abt the 2009 show anyway) saying ''ok the Straight Guy(tm) stuff seeming like unnecessary misogyny sometimes'' well;#weary sigh....will's [?] role seeming Affiliated w/rainbow socks look at them laughing together pic 1 lol#maybe that's why he doesn't have to be like Wahoo abt what seems a bit like contexts of impromptu aggression there. bro! hwaet!#which brings us around to ''fr let's watch the 6 min michael park will roland seeing spamalot together vid. he talks abt beowulf''#this AND going ''oh an actor in ff the musical? w/him was in the xmas xtrav w/him! wham! tee guy behind cyril in 1 pic!!!''#AND my about to listen to a podcast with the writer of this & the football show. hope he doesn't say anything key to This Post#how about some relevant tags....#will roland#zombies actually#zombies actually...an undead musical#ya never do know....#oh another couple of sources confirmed the musical comediness of this & that the comedy was landing. know Nothing of other info#also for clarification afaik there's no role called [?] idk what his role's name was. there was like a Tad in the mix (another guy)
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unpinning him, letting the snap streak die, not gonna respond if he tries to contact me again
🖕🖕🖕
#he finally told me straight up he doesn't care abt my boundaries and was generally an asshole abt me enforcing them even a little so#i'm done!!!!!#i hope every time he uses the coffee maker i sent him he regrets how he's treated me 🙃#personal#he also lashed out at me calling out his drinking a ridiculous amount. he has so much he needs to work on#and he doesn't care enough about me to do the bare minimum of respecting what i say feel and put energy into#so no more. go be lonely. you put yourself where you are now !#he's not acting as a friend should. and my anxious attachment issues make me hold on longer than i should've#here's a pro tip: pay attention to ppl's actions over words#if nothing changes the first few times you communicate it's not gonna change soon! just break it off and move on#put that energy into yourself instead#i wasted almost two years on this guy. i don't want to waste my life on ppl who don't enrich my life
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look i really dont mind having a pre t body with its little biological quirks but i have a limit and the limit is waking up at 4am with immense pain and a puddle of blood on my bed
#im probably most likely overhyping what t will do to my body but i cant wait till my periods stop#if they dont stop i will fr go after some way of stopping them im not kidding there is literally nothing good that i get from having them#its just. its just pain and blood and a constant reminder of how Woman i have to be. it makes me sad#like. all the good cramp medicine is like WOMAN PILL FOR YOUR SCHEDULED GIRL MOMENT OF THE MONTH [picture of a woman]#[venus symbol] [flowers]#and all pads come with th same thing too. like i get that its technically not harming anyone but please man cmon#my mood gets all janged up i cant think straight in the worst ways possible im always having breakdowns during them#and i have to deal with genuinely unbearable pain! and! a heavy flow! because my moms ovaries! are the most fucked ovaries ever!#hhg the only good thing i can think of is that if there was a death metal band of trans guys the lyrics theyd write would be sick#[hi this is me telling you im about to get a little gross so if stuff like this grosses you out uh. yeah]#like the gruesome symbolism of periods is pretty damn cool if im honest. i dunno#i genuinely really like the movements on normalizing periods and how they are not something to be ashamed of and happen with a lot of ppl#but. but.#it puts a lot of emphasis on how its a Woman thing when a lot of women (cis or otherwise) dont have them#and it excludes all the other non woman people who have them#re personal opinion but i think our image of periods really shouldnt be flowery beautiful woman moment that passes by in a blink.#i think we should talk about how it hurts and how it will suck a little too hard for some people and that#periods not always mean a symbol of feminity and fertility and other stuff (its 5am im tires) to everyone#like to me periods are misery and oain and dysphoria but i have a cis friend who sees her periods as symbols of her womanhood abd#*and like. shes not wrong but im also not wrong either#idk my head hurts and i wanna go bacm to sleep so bye#sg.txt
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Current temperature inside of my room right now in the middle of the night whilst about to go to sleep... villain origin story...
#You just get SOOOOO tired of being hot all the time for multiple days straight.. with very little relief ever... hhHHHH#I forget that I literally lose my mind and become evil every summer like clockwork#I don't evenknow what I mean by that because I'm just as calm/monotone as ever lol.. but I just feel more evil.. low level pent up rage#or something. nothing changes on the outside but on the inside it's like hmm.. I'm like 5% more hostile than I usually am#not outwardly expressed still of course. but just.. my bones are made of a little more violence recently..#percentages moving around. My character stats get a temporary modifier all summer where I feel chronically just a LIIIITLE more noticably#unhinged. like I will never do it of course. but I will think about. maybe I'll just throw all the plates at the wall and break every wind#ow with a baseball bat. No. I shant. I would never.. but .. I could. 5% more than I usually could. But I shan't. but let it be known.. I#c o u l d ...i COULD.. if I had to. but I don't.. but still.. keep the notion in the back of the mind.. hmm.. lol#And this is not even during a heat wave at the moment it's just like.. normal summer.. >:')#I think it's also largely the shitty apartment which was not built for coolness. Like older houses will have tall cielings and those window#above the doors and ceiling fans and be built high up from the ground and all these other ways to manage warm weather#naturally. but cheaply constructed dinky city apartments with no ventilation and windows only on one side and blah blah#It retains heat insanely like being trapped in a green house or something#even with all the windows open & fans in the house and stuff it just doesn't really move air well because the space is not made to do that.#Also really testing my anticapitalism/leftism/etc... sitting and thinking 'damn maybe I should play the stock market.. I should sell#some sculptures and overprice them.. howmuch could I charge for these clothes..' < *is desperate to afford a living situation with central#heating and air conditioning*#Haha! Guillotines?? who said anything about those? I LOVE rich people.. haha.. now what's a guy gotta do to instantly get about $50.000 ar#ound here? haha! kidnap someone and sell their organs? okay haha! I love the free market! going to home depot right#now to buy an axe! Don't you just hate taxes? so glad I live in the best country in the world under the best economic system on the planet#USA! USA!! USA!!! *visibly shaking. nose starts bleeding. you notice i am also levitating off the ground slightly*#ANYWAY gfgfgh.... winter......... my sweet child....i miss you so so much.... SUMMER you are my ENEMY#ah well now it's gone down to 80.4 Farenheight. cancel post. thats such an improvemtn surely I'll be able to sleep soundly now /s#what was I ever worried about? it's all good! haha!! *still levitating a little *#In better news - I have finished the Victorian Pharmacy documentary series and am now watching them build a medieval castle! and one of my#goofy joke song snippets suddenly got 6.000 views on youtube which was cool?? though very random? I made kale chips again. and had asparag#us. And saw a duck. carved a lot of things out of avocado pits. Little tidbits to keep me sane..#See a funny little duck outside and go 'hmm... life is okay actually :) I no longer want to break windows :3'#then it gets like 85F inside again and you're liek NEVERMINDaaaaaaahhh!!!!! then you see a duck next morning and calm down :)
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the vampire lestat in audiobook format is 24 hours long and i finished listening to it in a week, meanwhile merrick is only 8 hours long and it took me three weeks to chew through the whole fucking thing. it's not even very badly written, i just really hate it when anne rice turned the dial up to 11 on her Sympathy with the P*dophile bullshit
#idk how i kept misspelling merrick but anyways i finished it. i hate it. i have gotten it over with#p*dophile(s). there's two of them and i'd say they kept jerking each other off but really it's just david having a crush on louis#sometimes i think louis is just straight :\ and for lestat's sake i hope he isn't but :|#merrick forced louis to fall in love with her and he had zero problem with it#meanwhile lestat turned him a vampire when he briefly changed his mind and boom! 60 years of abuse from monsieur pointe du luc#the numbers just don't add up#mae overshares#the book is just so unsatisfying. i know this is the book where louis' superiority complex comes to die. except that...did it?#this dude would insist on looking weak and pathetic just to prove to whoever the fuck that he's superior than other vampires#he thinks he's exampt from the cycle of violation and death these motherfuckers are all trapped in but he isn't!#and when claudia's ghost showed up (plus her diary entry) reminded him of it. merrick just turned around and told him that the ghost lied#???? ik this woman has her own issues having a crush on her surrogate father 50 years senior than her but ????#and then louis tried to use suicide bait to get lestat to get back together with him or whatever#and then it didn't work he got mad and wrote 'tell lestat i can't wait to leave him' in his pathetic little suicide note#this bitch made sure he wasn't gonna actually die. he acted shady and abusive yet again. and got. well. rewarded for it!#cause lestat showed up at last ANYWAYS and reluctantly gave 99% of his blood to this fucking guy#louis' so-called love for lestat is the most hurtful passive agressive fucked-up 'love' i've seen in fiction#do not enjoy that shit at all! maybe im just too vanilla but their relationship is literally torture#good to know they got married in the prince lestat trilogy. yeah that meant nothing. lestat would have been alone. as always#im done talking shit abt louis but god. need to blow off steam
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what are ur best terror ships??? /wllipt
so as you might have guessed I have a soft spot for hickey. so hickey/gibson and hickey/tozer are my faves.
Adding on this i can add the unappreciated and overlooked but with actually a lot of potential ship: gibson/tozer, hear me out: they're in a situationship with the same weird little guy but they're polar opposite (introvert vs extrovert, judgy vs friendly, self-reliant vs loyal, it's-not-personal-but-it's-finished vs get-me-off-these-chains-cornelius!, we'll-be-flogged vs walking to the gallows together aka not wanting trouble vs risking everything) and yet those two clever, practical, peaceful, skilled men fall for the same guy.
I think exactly for those contradictions they can have such an interesting dynamic.
If Billy had more scenes people would appreciate him more. Tozer gets flashed out a lot more, has different interactions and we get to see his character arc. Billy's arc tho happens mostly off-screen. even his talk with irving is off-screen. we don't see how billy reacts AFTER the flogging (it's implied he and hickey didn't interact much and that hickey spent more time with the marines) but then again we see so little from billy's pov one really needs to pay attention to him to notice the shades of his personality.
anyway. i got lost, back to the question: gibson/hickey/tozer is my ot3, because on one side
-> tozer adds a sense of stability to hickey/gibson that they alone don't have.
on the other side
<- gibson is the reality check to hickey/tozer. dont get me wrong but hickey/tozer is also (much slower than hickey/gibson) on a self-destruction path. you know tozer can't say no to hickey until it's too late. So billy would be the canary to the coalmine that can be hickey's lastest scheme.
basically I'm a hickey shipper, with the right setup i'm all for hickey/manson, hickey/irving, and even hickey/hartnell. hickey/goodsir too! i forgot about them
i see why people might enjoy hickey/crozier but i'm not part of the 'fuck that old man' club so i don't actively look up for those.
I can also see the appeal for hickey/jopson, but to me jopson isn't flashed out enough to be interesting. he's just very needy for crozier approval. to me he doesn't carry anything on his own, he's got eldest daughter syndrome and he's the guy from tweeter who says i don't have an opinion on my own, if a beautiful girl tells me to change my mind I will. but for crozier. sorry for the jopson enjoyers. nothing personal, that character doesn't resound with me. i don't have daddy issues.
other ships i enjoy are: tozer/armitage, manson/hartnell, heather/being alive, anyone/hodgson bc hodge is a case study, it's interesting for interpretation. honorable mention goodsir/silna
honorable non-mention bridgens/peglar, bc they're already happy in canon or into a realtionship of some kind so i don't feel the need to explore that more.
and this is it.
hope you found this answer interesting and...not to long and have a good day <3
#me -spamming paragraph over paragraph of gibson/tozer propaganda-: oh i got distracted oops#ask#terror posting#the thing is in every fic heather is always the straight token friend with wife and kids. like imagine being so important in the life of#sgt tozer that when you die he looses all his core values only for people to be like: they were besities#but anyway it's funnier like this#for being a post about how i ship hickey with everyone this post talks very little about hickey#But the fandom explored and still expolres every hickey ship in depth so repeating myself didn't seem useful#You don't need 3 paragraph about hickey giving up all hopes after billy dies and trying to tame Tuunbaq as a last resort#Nor you need other 2 paragraphs about why tozer relays on hickey#Been there done that#But you know what you never heard about? Gibson and Tozer very specific dynamic#Can you imagine being with a guy that's also dating a man that's your opposite? How do you react?#You hate him bc he and your bf have nothing in common. What is this man doing in the middle of your relationship??!!#Or do you understand that you might be complementary??#I spend nights thinking about this#Anyway end. Done. I'm not adding anything more#This is one sentence from turning into am essay#thanks for the question!#🧡💛💚💙💜🧡💓💞💙💓❣️💜💛#billy gibson#solomon tozer
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