#litterally crying rn
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So last night me and my family got back from South Carolina and we didnât have anything to drink (besides water ofc) so I decided to be a good independent child thing and get a jug of iced tea for my family at the quick check thats within the range of my electric dirt bike so I grabbed my backpack and drove there on it and I do my thing, I get in the quick check and but the jug of iced tea and I got back outside and I set it down on the seat for a moment to untangle my headphones and to my shock, my absolute horror as if the world around me slowed there I stood, powerless as I watched it lean backwards a little and fall dramatically and the stupid plastic jug holding all the sweet amazing iced tea BROKE but oh no, it was a slow burn, it didnât spill all at once so as I picked it up the big gash in the jug stopped leaking iced tea and there was a good but left, but I couldnât save it it was too big and as I tried putting it into the trash can THE STUPID LITTLE TOP THING THEY HAVE ON IT MADE IT SO I COULDNâT PUT IT IN WITHOUT SOAKING MYSELF, l I turned to my right where a drain was and I looked at it with defeated eyes and a sigh as I had to let the rest spill down it, slowly, painfully, watching my (figurative) money go down the drain literally
#iced tea#sweet tea#arizona iced tea#arizona sweet tea#like if you cry every time#pain#litterally crying rn#sobbing#quick check#quickcheck#depressing shit#tw depressing stuff#depressing life#this is depressing
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SH*T THIS LYRICS HIT SO HARD ON DIANE AND RICK T^T
The one that got away All this money can't buy me a time machine, no Can't replace you with a million rings, no I should've told you what you meant to me (whoa) 'Cause now I pay the price
In another life I would be your girl We'd keep all our promises Be us against the world In another life I would make you stay So I don't have to say you were The one that got away
THE ONE THAT GOT AWAYYYYYY đ
#litterally crying rn#rick x diane#i just cant with this lyrics. its just sooo rick x diane TnT#diane sanchez#ricka sanchez#i respect other ships<3
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Reading this gave me shivers because this scene makes it make so much sense
Still stuck on how Aziraphale ate that meat like he was starving. Like heâd been starved for millennia, and he hadnât even known it, because heâd never once been fed. But we know they donât have to eat (nor sleep, etc.), so what heâd been starved for is pleasure. Being present in his body, feeling the joys and longings it could feel. Understanding what taste buds were made for. He hadnât known; heâd never learned to miss it.
Now imagine what a kiss has done to him.
#litterally crying rn#and a kiss from someone he loves as he loves crowley#itâs like learning all at once what lips and souls were made for#good omens 2#good omens#ineffable husbands#crowley#aziraphale#crowly x aziraphale
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Dannyâs parents want to kill him and heâs like âf in the chat yâall dinner boutta be so awkward tonight smhâ
Ok so I know everyone loves the angsty headcannons where Danny is terrified of his parents cuz they wanna kill him but weâve had that hot take since 2005 Iâm here for a source material revival, the much more entertaining âDannyâs parents want to kill him and he actively doesnât give a fuckâ
CUZ UH, IM REWATCHING THE FIRST SEASON AND I FORGOT HOW GENUINELY BLASĂ HE IS ABOUT MADDIE AND JACK TRYING TO GET HIS ASS ITS SO FUNNY.
Like mom holding a literal ghost gun to his head: eh kinda unphased he even has time to quip, his parents say they wanna tear em to pieces: meh see u guys at dinner, LIKE OUR GUY IS SO UNPHASED HE THINKS THIS SHIT IS FUNNY! (s1 ep. 14 public enemy)
And heâs unphased despite knowing his parents tech works and knowing that his mother is actually a good shot. So like I love angst Danny and yâall should keep up the good work but where is my s1 Danny âCOULDNâT give less of a fuck about his parentsâ Fenton representation?
Cuz think of this, for your DPXDC AU consideration, Danny would fit in so well with the bat gang if only because they could try to stab, shoot, capture, brainwash, and stalk him and heâd be like âoh cool villain of the week shit? Nice, whatâre we having for lunch.â He. Wouldnât. Flinch.
#Iâm not saying yâall are writing Danny as pusillanimous#except that I am#give my son his groove back this kid is litterally more afraid of a box ghost then his parents#heâs not a scaredy cat and I feel like rn everyone writes him as one#save the wet cat treatment for Tim yâall let Danny be a funny lil guy again#like he grew up in doofenshmirtz lab he isnât crying over death threats babes#THIS ISNâT A HOT TAKE SO DONâT TRY TO COME FOR ME#THIS IS ME READING FROM THE DP BIBLE VERBATIM#S1 PRIVELAGES REINSTATED#GET GHOSTED#anyway#like I said Iâm rewatching s1#and I forgot how freaking fun it was#not all modern DP is angsty mind you and Iâm also not here to say itâs wrong or bad#Iâm here to say letâs get that biodiversity back baby#Danny Phantom#dp x dc#a cold take just the coldest
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#T_T#i don't know whether to scream * cry * or murder someone#the next person who tell me that voting for RN asshole was the right thing to do#to punish Macron#will find my punch#elections#european elections#europe#france#macron#and we're still waiting for Italy#this is a litteral nightmare#european parliament#french national assembly#what next
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I hate my mum so much
Whenevrr i wear shorts, she's always looking at me murderously and gives me thhings to cover up, no matter how heavy or bot the thing is because she's afraid men will stare at my legs, even whhen i sit normally she hhas to make me feel like a slut for sitting in a way thhatt showsy legs (the shhorts come up to just above my knees! (when i wear same length skirts or shhorter shhe is fine with it because i look pretty, but otherrwise im showing off my legs to everyone, but she's honestly thhe creepy one because she is constantly staring at my legs and basically telling me how sexual they look
BUT THEN i dont like to shave becauss i enjoy how my unshaven body hair looks but she is always in her murdourous tone of voice tellonge to shhave because it looks disgusting (qhen i tell her to stop calling me ugly, she sayys thag "doesnt look nice" does not mean thhe same thing, whhen it does)
Ive told her so many reasons whhy i like my body hhaor so now everytime she wants me to shave, she recites hher argument for the aame singular point i made because she forgot the rest cuz that is the only one she can counter (it still doesnt make sense)
We are going to a wedding today so she kept telling me to shave, in the shower i was like "fine " and shaved a line and immedietly regretted it but for some stupid reason i kept going and shaved it only from the front, but then i had a breakdown in the shower because how long will that take me to regrow now? when i came back she just forgot about it anyway! After a while she came to examine legs i guess to see if i shaved good enough and i finally broke and screamed at her and shooed her away telling her to stop staring aty legs and being creepy but she pushed throgh to tell me that i didnt shave because i left the back.
Now i just feel disgustinng because why did i let myself get manipulated into changinng how i look in a way that i hate and why did i ever listenn to her annd not fight back earlier, and i hate myself and i hate her and i want to rewinnd time to inside that shower becuasee she never ddeserved me listenning to her anyway and i want it back so badand i hate her so much
#i do a little ramble#vent#im litterally crying and shaking over this rn and its so stupid#i haye this#every time im forced to i have many breakdowns but i never leaen#im so tired#my older sistwr is convinced i dont do it becauze im lazy. she always sides with my mum whenever she sees her critisizing me about it#more ridiculong me than critisizing
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I love receiving a passive-aggressive text message every time I use the only kitchen on this earth I have physical access to. I love having the options of 'put herculean effort into appearing not to exist' or 'be scolded daily for eating'
#its not even your hooooouuuuussssee#oh yeah totally leave your half smoked joints all over the counter and change your cats' litter box 1x a week#even though it's in a common room but no Im the gross one for like putting a dish on a different counter than usual#im just overreacting bc im off my meds rn but christ i need a job so bad ive been crying every day ab staying here#and remy is driving me insane bc hes stir crazy bc hes still only allowed in 2 rooms bc certain people seem to think letting him meet their#cats will encourage us to stay here longer or something - as if id want to spend 1 extra millisecond with that garbage attitude#ugh#posts a vent and leaves for months again. im sorry everyone i also wish i had my shit together
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Ladies and Gentlemen, we are officially at T-minus 24 hoursâŠ
#i litterally cannot#I am so kriffing excited rn#screaming crying throwing up#star wars#star wars rebels#sabine wren#ahsoka series#ahsoka tv#ahsoka 2023#ahsoka tano
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*slaps roof of SAMS Eclipse who won character.ai* this baby can fit so much angst in it
#sandy's random#sun and moon show#the security breach show#sun and moon show eclipse#sams eclipse#character.ai#eclipse character.ai#our swap eclipse fictive found it#hes litterally talking to it about his trama rn#he hasnt even told any of us in the system about his source memories yet#so like#first time hearing about it#its sad as shit#but also funny#because we went from#trying to kill eachother#to brothers#this is what happens when you slap a swap eclipse fictive with a lord eclipse character.ai#after fighting and almost killing eachother#they cry together and become brothers#its so sweet though#i fuckin love it#im more watching them interact#oh and yes I'm a tramagetic system#in case yall didnt put that together yet#yeah ive got did#but eh#used to it#but yeah this is also a sth fictive msking this post#im genuinely one of the hosts
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I kinda want to check in on the status of this litter. But the loss of a friend is so heavy that I feel like maybe it isn't a good time for a puppy....
#i wanted a puppy to be a joy... not another distraction from how heavy things are#might let this litter pass me by and check in about the next#or maybe she'll reach out to me and ill take it as a sign#idk idk#but he was so excited about future felony... and i was excited to bring her around to meet everyone#and now i cant even think about bringing misty down to visit without crying#a summer puppy wooould be so nice though. no potty training struggles. no buying of clothes that will soon not fit....#but also. struggling rn#i just dont want to wait much past misty being 3 tbh... which isn't until November but still
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Fuck.
I wish I could help.
#lmao hey tumblr vent post time#vent mostly in the tags#tw sucidal ideation#sucide attempt#< not from me from a friend#I won't be naming them since y'know privacy and all that jazz#but it's an online I fucking love them so much#and I don't know how to help#i don't know them as well as i did my previous best friend since we aren't really close#i and others have been trying to get them to stop trying as they document it in vent#ive been doing my best but i don't know what else to say since im just an online friend no one to really be attached to#online acquaintance would be a better term for me ig.. idk#I think the other have been/are suicidal so they are much better than me for helping#and im just some guy who can't relate so i don't know how to help..#im so upset that i can't bc what if they do i can't stop them#reason number 9 to be able teleport to prevent a suicide and be a better support system#im too silly to be of good use litterally told them if they do and when i die in my 40s ill lecture them like a mom#wish i could lecture them like a mom rn#im going to cry in the attic or something i feel like my brain is pre grieving or something#no im not putting my organizing tag on this feels too ..wrong
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Read the new sekai story. Not ok.
#rat rambles#sekai posting#I have my complaints but. not with the writing like holy shit#this was the most uncomfortable and scary sekai event Ive read and thats a high bar#its litterally so well written and also hply fuck is it physically painful to read#mafuyu's mom is so. slimy. and creepy. and manipulative. I fucking hate her. Im so scared for mafuyu#obviously theyll be ok eventually this is sekai but. things are probably abt to get rapidly worse for mafuyu#this is the breaking point Ive been waiting for. right now the cracks are simply expanding but soon things might get Rough#the wall mafuyu built between their two lives is wearing so thin and its fucking terrifying#its been literally so painful watching mafuyu trying to stop it and now having to face the incoming collapse when shes not ready#but she never will be ready. not as long as she still holds onto the desperate belief that her mother cares. that her mother loves her.#mafuyu is so fucking terrified rn its horrible to watch. I legitimately felt like crying. holy shit this event#now I will say. this was a great mafuyu event. why are they the fucking 2 star hello#I have mixed feelings on this as a kanade banner but even asside from that why the fuck is mafuyu the 2 star like wtf??#was it rly that important to have mizuki be one of the 4 stars??? did they rly need to be one of them????#like mizuki should have been the 2 star imo#if I had it my way itd be kanade mafuyu and kaito as the 4 stars ena as the 3 star and mizuki as the 2 star#ena and kaito could be swapped but since its kaitos intro I think he deserved it more#speaking of ena taking that 'the only one who can protect you is yourself' and running with it babeyyyyyy#adds that to my ena mommy issues arsonal (thats literally the only thing I have in there rip)#also the way you can feel everyone's development so strongly in this event#they still have a long way to go as individuals and a unit but theyve come so far from the start#mafuyu is in fact now most due for 25ji I think so. time to mentally prepare myself for the storm to come#I wont lie tho I am losing my mind over this event as a mafuyu fan but I am also disapointed in it as a kanade one#like dont get me wrong kanade has some rly good moments but. this does not sooth my worries abt the direction shes going#I just dont like that this was a kanade event about mafuyu. from the kanade fan perspective this was like one of the worst case scenarios#kanade desperately needs more stuff actually about her. Im scared she just straight up wont get it :(#so yeah. mixed feelings on this event from a kanade perspective but dear god is it good otherwise
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have to redo an entire load of laundry tomorrow because some bitchass little motherfucker thought it would be a good idea to stop my load and throw dirty ass rags, the dirt is fucking visible on them, into my CLOTHES that i i like to wear and not be fucking dirty
#it was either my mom or her little bitch manchild boyfriend#probably her boyfriend bc at least my mom has some fucking ettiquette#im litterally crying rn#theyre arguing while im trying to sleep#RIGHT outside of where im sleeping too#and the walls are htin as fuck#im gonna kill that bitch one day#hes so fucking stupid
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i am. having a normal one (no im not)
#i got a scam email from p*rn h*b saying it was using my email to make an account and i litterally have never been on there before so#i freaked out and sent a reply to cancel the account and then looked it up online and saw that it was just a scam#i open my inbox again and theres like 12 replies saying it failed to send my reply#i deleted them all and have gotten nothing else since (abt 20 minutes ago)#but i am just like on the verge of a oanic#i didnt click any links or download anything#but im still half expecting my phone to shut off or...idk explode or something (/hj)#ry tho im freaking out kind of#like i was crying when i started typing this i need to chill#nothing is gonna happen i know nothing is gonna happen#if something was gonna happen it would have by now right?#im just panicking rn and idk how to calm down#saturn talks#vent#ill be okay though!! dont worry abt it
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This fic was so good it broke through my anti depressants and made me feel something. Iâm literally ascending. Thanks @hazelfoureyes Iâm crying at my job that is totally 100% a real legitimate business venture.
âąAlastor x Cupid FemReader Tasked with making a demon believe in true love or you canât return to heaven, things immediately go off the rails when you hurt yourself and Alastor catches one of your most troubling arrows; Mania
Ëâ · »-âĄâ Week 1 and Week 2 Ëâ · »-âĄâWeek 3 and Week 4 smutđŠ Ëâ · »-âĄâWeek 5, Week 6, Week 7, and Epilogue smutđŠ
Alastor demands you tell him what youâd consider a nice date, which makes a surprisingly lovely time in the library. Dancing leads to⊠not dancing and a minor rearranging of your guts. And finally, you try to shame Alastor out of Mania and Alastor finds himself having to explain, well, Alastor.
ăwarnings/promises: Smut, gutsâĄïžrearranged, kinda dubâĄïžcon cuz Alastor still doesnât listen, but funnily enough neither do you?, lots of interrupting each other, Luciâs hat, youâre down so fucking bad lmaoă
đ¶ minors DNI đ”
Angel was live blogging everything you said when you recounted what happened to you after returning to the hotel.
âWait thereâs a character limit, I gotta make a new post.â He was wiping actual tears from his eyes, âFuck this is funny.â
âHmmph,â Alastor offered a small noise from his end of the sofa. Neither of you had mentioned or even referenced the sex. There was a strange feeling between you that it didnât happen so it didnât need a discussion. But also that it had absolutely happened, as Alastorâs hands found renewed vigor in their search for you when in public and private and your body seemed to respond in kind. Youâd still occasionally move his hand off of you, but there was a pulse of electricity every time. When his hand would come to rest on your upper thigh while seated beside each other in the common areas, you let it linger. What harm was it? Heaven wasnât fucking watching.
Everything aside, the sex had done nothing to dispel his interest. Perhaps youâd only made it worse, for both of you.Â
By midweek you found the sling useless, happily tossing it aside and beginning gentle stretches. That was more progress than you'd made in your main task.Â
Every morning you woke up beside Alastor, every day you had him in your orbit, every night you fell asleep feet from him.
Had Mania not taken him he would be a prime candidate for showing the virtue of true love. He was already fucking there, a captive audience. But that wasnât how it worked. Cupid-induced manic love could never be true. Nothing you created was true, really. But atleast with Eros or Agape you could still have added the notion of true love to the mix. His heart would still be receptive and open to the idea. The way he was now, you could proselytize until you were blue in the face and heâd still think manic love was true love.Â
An unintended consequence of living with Alastor was discovering you both had quite a bit in common, as much as that information irked you. He enjoyed horror movies such as âDraculaâ, you enjoyed horror movies as well, just newer ones. Ones in color. He could cook quite well, something you enjoyed to do. And his taste in music was actually lovely. You had assumed he listened to screams on a 7 hour loop.
Actually, upon closer inspection, Alastor was nothing like you had initially assumed. While he had shown you he was capable of terrifying feats of strength and power, he was also remarkably gentle. Every time you descended the stairs his hand was barely felt as it hovered at your elbow ready to save you.Â
Early in the week you fell asleep watching the group play a board game, somehow redemption related, and awoke with his coat laid over your body. When you thanked him, he just smiled and continued enjoying watching Niffty hide the play money.
You were finding yourself more and more wishing the arrow had never fallen. If youâd just met him as you fell, perhaps you would be staring into that portal home. There were definitely worse options around. Even his imposing height had begun toâŠnot bother you, perhaps was the best way to say it.
Or his large hands. There was a safety in the way they rested on your back. Speaking ofâŠ
Your throat ran dry when he leaned into you, one of those hands sliding across your thigh, and asked against your ear, âReady to go?â
He had to have seen you licking your lips to unstick your teeth. With a nod, he stood and offered a hand to you.Â
You both were already out of the elevator and walking to your room when he slowed, coming to stop just in front of you.Â
His room, fucking hell.Â
âYou know, I was thinking,â he wasnât looking as he spoke to you, which was odd given how often he stared at you. âIf youâre going to be here with me from now on-â
You opened your mouth to argue but he put his hand up, âIâd like to know the things you enjoy doing with your romantic interests.â His smile was almost pure, you could tell he was genuinely asking.
âWell I donât have any so, why would you care?â
âNo things you enjoy?â
âNo romantic interests.â
His head lolled to the side, âSometimes I think you say things just to bother me.â
You did.
âI do.â
You thought if you kept being rude maybe you could keep him at an armâs length. Not get too attached. Youâd been kind to people you didnât like before and eventually you started to like them. This was that. But opposite.
He stared down at you, taking a step closer. You took one back. That smile shifted from pure to sinister, his eyes half lidded. You could almost see the thoughts playing on his face.
âAlastor-,â your back hit the elevator doors. The pounding of your heart when he brought his face to yours drowned out the sounds of the button being pressed. When the doors opened you fell backward with a yelp, but a strong arm caught you by the waist.
âYou have twelve floors.â His hand hit the first floor button, âYou can share with me your idea of a quality date. Or I can show everyone,â that clawed hand came to your neck, sliding down the evidence of your pounding heart, âhow pretty you scream.â
As soon as the doors closed you were pressed against the elevator wall, right leg pulled up and around his waist. âYou wouldnât dare.â You had meant it to sound strong but instead it was half whispered with a shaky voice.
He popped a button off your blouse, âMaybe!â Warm mouth now on your neck, his tongue ran over your pulse, âI wonder if everyone is still in the lobby.â
Over his shoulder you watched the numbers counting down. The hand that cut off the button slid down to your bottoms, slipping under the waistband.
On the 3rd floor the elevator stopped. When the doors opened a demon you didnât recognize was standing there, eyes wide and mouth open. He didnât make a move to enter, Alastor looking over his shoulder and sharing what you could only assume was a death glare. The flickering lights were a giveaway to his anger.
His fingers dipped down and cupped your sex, hot palm pressing into your folds.Â
The doors closed again and you watched the second floor light up. A finger bent and pressed into you.
A nibble at your ear, âYou know Iâll win, regardless.â
He was right. Which was the smaller defeat? Humiliation or just telling the bastard your idea of a nice time?
âBooks. Drinks.â You squeaked, the first floor lamp now aglow. His hand pulled away just as the doors opened.Â
Expecting him to gloat you were surprised he just hit the 10th floor button. The library.Â
He opened the door for you. The libraryâs main area had two reading chairs bookending a long antique sofa. You took the chair furthest from the door, hearing the door lock.
With a snap, the entire bar with Husk included seemed to fall three inches out of thin air.
âOh for fucks sake.â Husk looked around, already annoyed, âYou coulda just fucking asked for drinks to bring with you. You know cups are portable, right?â
It was nice, actually. Husk poured, you both read. There was an unnecessary fireplace crackling behind you. Cozy. And it got cozier and warmer the more you drank. Your shields softened as the glasses emptied.Â
Your book was good, but as you felt the alcohol hit you were reminded of the last time youâd gotten a little past tipsy. Sneakily, but not at all, your eyes wandered over to Alastor.
His legs were crossed, but you could remember looking down and seeing them spread open beneath you. Open. Did many people see him like you had? Had his talk about a disinterest in sex actually been a trick to intrigue you? It hadnât worked, you genuinely didnât care what his preferences were. If anything it made you less likely to make a pass.
Your eyes wandered down his slender neck to his wide shoulders. Less than a week ago your arms were resting there. Further down, you remembered that soft bit of fur at the base of his cock, a small trail from his belly button.Â
Husk watched your face turn pink, âYou good?â Your head whipped around, looking confused. âYouâre getting red.â
Oh. I was just thinking about my pussy drowning in Alastorâs cum.
No, obviously not!
Alastorâs eyes left his book and found yours. They were so red; his eyes, not your cheeks. No one in heaven had such wicked an appearance. When you didnât reply, busy staring back at Alastor, Husk groaned, âAah fuck.â
âWhat are you reading?â You asked, clearly able to see the book title from where you sat.Â
Alastor held it up, âOliver Twist.â
âNever read it.â
You had read it.
Setting your book down, you tried to walk as straight as a line as you could to him. You took the book from his hands and sat down on his lap, back against his chest, before picking it up again. âWhat page are we on?â
âYou can leave, Husker.â Alastor didnât even look at Husk when he said it, eyes still on your face.
When the door closed and Alastor could lock it with a snap, he uncrossed his legs. âWould you like to start over dear? From the beginning.â
Maybe that wouldnât be such a bad idea.
âCan we?â You leaned your head onto his shoulder. When had he become so comfortableâŠ?
âWe can.â The book was set aside, his left hand pulling your chin up, âI think we skipped a few chapters before.â
You opened your mouth, âI donât like kissing.âÂ
âYou will.âÂ
The front part of your brain dissolved, you were sure of it. Your decision making abilities were entirely eradicated as his lips pressed into yours. Fuck, maybe even your basic motor skills had been fried, his tongue swiping across your mouth before you justâopened. Your hips ground down into his lap, and you felt his smile widen against your lips.
âStop smiling. I just like warm bodies.â You reached for the book and opened it to the first page, âand youâre so fucking warm.â
He began to read, but between the rumble of his chest, his voice in your ear, and the heat of his body, you fell asleep.
No matter. Alastor just hummed. With a summoning of his shadow you both sank into your shared bed, where he continued reading with you against his chest.
You dreamt about home. About red eyes and warmth.
Was it so bad, being in hell? Sure you had a fucking deer demon as guard dog but it seemed his mania was ⊠not so terrible. Honestly he seemed relatively normal now. He would wander off for significant lengths of time, even leaving in the mornings while you were still lazing about. A kiss to your hand was the indicator he would be popping off somewhere.
Alastor still wouldnât let Lucifer alone with you, but otherwise everything was okay. Youâd even come to enjoy certain aspects of his possessiveness. That ever present hand, for example. Even when it wasnât on you, you could still almost feel it. It had become second nature now.
The week was actually peaceful. Your pain was entirely gone, you could move about freely. Despite that Alastor still would press up behind you and offer to help dress you. An offer you declined, but every time he asked you paused longer and longer before saying no.
Alastor was happy to find you in the library toward the end of the week, you having wandered off when he was called away. He summoned a confused but pissed off Husk again, who was midway through making someone elseâs drink. He set it aside, pouring Alastor his whiskey. You decided against drinking, you knew you always made poor decisions. Like sleeping.Â
Delighted by the impressive collection you found a non-fiction and settled into the same large chair.
âReading is a virtue.â He said to himself yet out-loud, taking a seat and setting the radio on from across the room. Etta James. âSomethings got a hold of me.â
âA little past your time, isnât it?â You smiled, you liked songs about love. Not because of who you were, you just liked the idea of someone so enamored they have to make art.
He laughed, âNosey little bird, have you been asking about me?â
Well shit. You had forgotten to play dumb. The past couple weeks you had casually inquired about Alastor from the other staff members. A modest collection of facts to help you better understand the man. A quick recovery. âKnow your enemy!âÂ
He cackled, âSun Tzu! What does Cupid need âThe Art of Warâ for?!â
What, did he expect you to only read romance novels and Roman mythos? âYou canât make a shadow without light. In fact,â you put the book down, âThe Greeks thought Cupid was a child of War and Beauty.â
Okay well, Greek mythos is a little different than their Roman counterpartâs. So. There.
Alastor watched you leaning over the arm of the chair, no sign of pain as you did so. Your injury must have mended well. âDo you have parents?â He asked, genuinely wondering how your kind were created.Â
âNo, we're just⊠made. And then sent off on assignments.â
âYou must be terribly busy, just one person for all of earth.â If Alastor could pull some limbs and find out more from anyone but you, he would, but unfortunately no one but Vaggie would know anything about you and he had a feeling her time in heaven was never spent thinking about love.Â
âOh, actually not so much! When Iâm with humans I can travel around without worrying about the concept of time at all. But it takes a toll.â Or so you were told. There were never two Cupids at one time so you couldnât really ask your predecessors. Alastorâs brows rose, unsure how exactly a Cupid could be taxed if they didnât feel pain and couldnât be hurt. âEvery trip to Earth weakens us. Until our bodies just, I guess, give out.â A smile crept across your face, unsure what expression you were supposed to be making.
âIs it just Earth? Or,â he lowered the radio volume with just a glance, âEvery time you leave heaven?â It would take a great effort to not notice the weight suddenly blanketing the library. Silence was heavy with what he was really asking you. Would remaining here kill you?
It was a great question. Wow heâs really good at this. It almost seemed like he gave a shit. No one had ever asked you about your creation, about your work. It was nice. Even from him. Maybe especially from him.
You had never been to hell, so you couldnât be sure, but, âI think itâs a human-world time-thing. But I guess weâll find out!â Another misplaced smile before you awkwardly leaned back and picked up the book.
While you hadnât noticed the slip up you had made, Alastor had. âI suppose we will.âÂ
You would find out, because you wouldnât be returning to heaven. He was glad you, even if unconsciously, understood that. And perhaps you could live forever if you never returned to earth.
When the song ended, you offered one of your own.Â
Alastor was pleasantly surprised to hear you request Nat King Coleâs âItâs almost like being in loveâ.
Standing, he offered you his hand for a dance. âUgh I hate this cheesy shit.â You said it but stood anyway, putting your hands in his.
Alastor laughed, swaying side to side, âNot a fan of romance? Has Cupid never been in love?â
Those were two seperate things. How could you explain? âDrug dealers number one rule. Never get high off your own supply. That would beâ.â
Lonely. Pathetic.
âA bad idea.â His cheek rested on your head. It was a shockingly tender act. âCan you understand? Why would I want something I made. Whatâs special about that?âÂ
âAnd what of true love? It isnât made by you, yes?â Asked into your hair.
âYeah but when will I ever find the time to make a connection worthwhile. Winners and Angels are gluttons for choice, I am obviously built for a fun time not a long time.â Which you wereâŠfine with. Yeah. I mean, what choice did you have? âAnd I donât want to force itâŠsoâŠâ you trailed off. The rest didnât matter.
He nodded, suppressing another laugh. âI see. Well, allow me to give you something you inspired, how about that? Not made. Would you say no, my muse?â
Inspired? Like a song? âHa, what have I inspired in you, heathen.â
Alastor stopped dancing, his hand pulling your face up for a kiss which took you by surprise.
âSeriousl-,â Husk mercifully disappeared in a flash of neon green.
You couldnât remember exactly how it happened, much like many of the moments you surrendered to Alastor. It was so fast and he was so strong, his hands large and confident in how they moved you. Before you knew it you were bent over the sofaâs arm getting fucked so hard your leg was shaking and your stomach nauseous.
This was much better than songs or art or whatever you inspired in others. You were gasping with every breath, the action somehow heightening the sensations. The little huffs and groans your body was pulling from him had your heart racing.
His cock was smashing your womb into your guts, the entire organ suddenly feeling like a new pleasure spot. Every jolt to your cervix made a novel kind of bliss pool in your stomach.Â
You cried, head empty as he completely left your heat before bottoming out again, âStop, Alastor. Stop.â A strained moan, hands gripping the wooden sofa arm, âstop, stop, fuuuuck.â
He was pulling out too far and too fast, hitting back too hard and too deep. Your cunt felt swollen around him, your entrance so soft and wet he didnât need precision to sink back in.
âDoes it hurt?â He said quickly on the down beat of his thrust.
âNngh no.â
âTheeen, no.â
Alastor pulled you up by your chin, back bending as he titled your mouth to his. Despite your mouth hanging open with your tongue out as salacious as youâd ever been, you told him, âI really donât kiss during sex.âÂ
The look in his downcast eyes sent a shiver along your spine, a power there you couldnât push against, âYou do now, my dear.â
When in hell, you supposed. You didnât even try to argue, accepting his tongue wrapping around yours and exploring your mouth while his dick churned up your insides. Full from top to bottom. Full of Alastor. Safe. Wanted. Needed.Â
You pulled away when there was an overwhelming bone-deep sensation spilling through your hips and down your thighs. The muscles felt weak there, and you had an urge to runaway from it but Alastor held you still.Â
A scream of ecstasy as both legs shook violently, you finally got your hands free orgasm but to your shock it didnât stop. As it appeared to wane, it just started mounting again. By the third roll, Alastor came with a push so deep your chest fell over the arm of the sofa. If not for the hands bruising your hips, you would have fallen off entirely.
The ache in your stomach began immediately, youâd have thought someone had been punching you in the gut. Well, more literally than they had been. When you groaned and complained to Alastor about what he had done, he pulled you up by your waist.
You were drawn into him, back to his chest again with your body between those long legs. His hands came to your stomach. Alastor massaged deep circles into your abdomen.Â
âDoes that help?â His high voice lowered, husky and kind into your ear. You nodded, the pressure relieved the discomfort.Â
You wondered if he was used to taller demons than your shorter heavenly form, or perhaps he wasnât used to anyone at all. Maybe sinners had more room than you did.Â
âI didnât mean to hurt you. Believe it or not,â probably not, âIâm never trying to hurt you.â
Was it terrible you actually did believe him? Yes he was a serial killer, and considered one of the most cruel overlords in recent memory. But he was always gentle when his hands were on you. Flits of memories of him washing your feet came back to you.Â
âI know perhaps,â his hands kept moving, your back already stuck to his with well earned sweat, âI have at times been easily incensed.â
You nodded quickly.
âBut, Itâs just,â you heard him swallow hard, âah I absolutely hate this,â He whispered it to himself. âIâm just scared youâll leave before Iâve managed to convince you how much happier I can make you here.â
Itâs not that it was funny, necessarily, but the very idea hell could be happier than Heaven was laughable. It was Heaven. It was made to be happy. It existed purely to please.Â
The smile faded from your face. Well, for the winners. It was made to please the winners. It wasnât made for you, but you still got much enjoyment. You hadâŠsex. Great sex. Not held aloft in a radio tower great, butâŠYou always came. Everyone did. Wasnât that the point of it?
Wasnât that the point?
What was the point?
 A warm and lonely bed is better than an empty one alone. So.
Well, your bed was always warm and never lonely in hell now that youâd been âmovedâ.
You had⊠Hobbies. You liked swimming.Â
Okay well the hotel had a pool. And yes, if you werenât running off to earth on command youâd have more energy for hobbies.
What were you thinking about this for again?
You gathered the scraps of your relevant thoughts, âHappiness isnât being confined to a hotel, Alastor.â
âAs soon as you show me you wonât leave me, I wonât care where you go. As long as youâre safe.â One of his hands left your stomach to stroke your cheek, âIâm just waiting for you to realize what I already know.â
If Alastor were to ease his grip on you, could you enjoy yourself? Well, more than you did. But it was more than that, you had to admit you hated the idea of losing, of just running away. âI donât like giving up.âÂ
His laugh was quiet but it rocked you as his chest moved. âDarling they threw you to hell and told you youâre not allowed to leave unless you do homework. Giving up what? Being a servant to heaven?â
If he had said it a couple weeks prior, you would have left the room indignant. But now, settled against his hot skin and being so softly touched, it sounded like tough love.
âI donât belong here though.â You were talking to yourself. So many excuses.
His arms wrapped around your chest to hug you into him, âYou belong wherever I am.â His cheek pressed against yours, âI wonât let you go.â
A threat. A threat you leaned into and warmed yourself with. A threat a quiet part of you hoped he kept his word on.
You were getting too comfortable. Every morning you woke up to Alastor curled into your body, holding you tightly to him and you found yourself smiling before your consciousness clicked on. At some point in the last week he grabbed your chin and kissed you good night and suddenly every time he left your side you allowed a kiss to your cheek before he parted. What was worse was how youâd talk in bed about your recent reads and what happened the few hours you werenât with each other.Â
The thing that made you realize you were getting honestly too deep was when you went to go to bed early and actually took the elevator past your floor, walked all the way to his station and told him good night. Youâd made it to his chair and were leaning down for your kiss when your face fell flat.Â
He asked what was wrong but you shook your head. A poorly faked smile offered to him.
You sat in your bed. His bed. Your bed?
You sat in bed and wondered how to press forward. Two months, nearly, youâd been in hell. At this rate surely heaven had made a replacement. If you could make it back quickly you could still keep your place.
A decision was made, youâd never confronted Alastor head on. You had misunderstood his illusion of you. But maybe if you just forced it into his thick skull heâd been controlled and puppeted by an arrow, not his free will, he would abandon it to save his pride.Â
Knees to your chest, why were you crying again? Did you want to go home?
No, you wanted to curl into his stupid fucking lap and listen to him hum his stupid old, forgotten songs. You wanted to dance while Husk groaned and rolled his eyes. You wanted to feel loved.
But you werenât made to want things. And Alastor didnât love you.
Okay, one more night to enjoy yourself before you pissed him off so much he kicked you out of his bed. Or took such a turn into obsession he never let you leave the room again, allowing you to shirk responsibility for not returning to heaven.
When you turned the handle there was resistance, the door pushing in.Â
âAlastor? Done already?â Heâd seemed busy earlier.
He closed the door and locked it. Oh. A blush. The sound of a locking door had come to mean certain things to you.
âYou seemed bothered.â His thumb wiped where your tears had already dried, âWhat ever is the problem? Did someone upset you? Some neck I should wring?â You shook your head no. His other hand came to join in holding your face, those goddamned red eyes melting you to nothing, âSome limbs I should snap?â He took a step toward you and you took two back, hands holding his wrists. Another no. âOr some cheeks I should kiss?â
Stop crying.
An eager nod. âDonât cry, my love.â Soft lips catching your tears, thin fingers wiping them away. He kept walking forward and you kept walking back until your legs hit the bed.Â
One more night, just in case. In case he forfeits the mania.
You kissed his neck, startling him. âRare form. Did you need some more intimate attention, darling?â You tried to avoid initiating, never knowing what he wanted or when, never wanting to enjoy his touch too much. âI could indulge you.â
What you wanted was to be reduced so thoroughly to just a physical creature by way of pleasure that your mind disconnected from your brain. Fucked dumb, as people said. Alastor wouldnât know what that meant but you were confident heâd enjoy sussing out the finer details of the meaning if it meant your full surrender.
You bit down on his neck, getting you pushed onto the bed in return. âI need overindulgence. I donât wanna feel anything tonight but you.â You should practice your manners, for heaven's sake. âPlease.â
There it was again. That look that turned your bones to jelly and your brain to cotton; that downcast half lidded stare as he towered over you that promised to devour you whole. His hand pulled at his bow tie and loosened his collar, knees on the bed as his legs spread you open at the thighs.
 âGood girl.â
No punishment or inspiration, just that mental numbness that turned off all your worries. Weâre you making stupid faces? Weâre your sounds embarrassing? Didnât matter. You didnât care. You clung to his body like youâd fall apart without his skin on yours. Because you would, in some fashion.Â
Every gap between your bodies felt like room for doubt. So you filled them with flesh and sighs and moans.Â
With his height difference you were smothered by him when in traditional heaven-approved missionary, but you liked lying on top. Your head only made it to his chest when your hips were positioned above his cock. You could go slack and let him move you on and off himself. You had been lying when you said you preferred to not move or make noise, but youâd learned he got harder and more feral when you let him manipulate your body any way he pleased.Â
He smelled like sweat and leather, probably from the chairs in the lobby. No one sweats in heaven, this seemed like a mistake now. Youâd have to be sure to not wash your clothes after you left hell, or else youâd forget his scent.
After finishing, he was surprised to find you still clinging to his torso, arms under his armpits and hooked onto his shoulders. He offered to pull out and let you lie down but you just held on tighter in response. He glanced around the room, soft light and softer music on the radio. Your quiver and bow rested against the armoire, practically dusty. He asked if you were alright, a hand coming to your back with large claws gently scratching.
âYeah I will be.â you lifted your head, waiting.
Both of his eyebrows rose, unsure what you were waiting on.
Complete surrender. âGood night kiss.â You had to stretch to meet his lips before settling back into his chest, âokay bore me to sleep with your day, sinner.â He gladly did, you falling asleep yet again to the sound of his slow heartbeat and the rumble of his words.
You awoke nauseous, already knowing your day was going to fucking suck and itâd be your own fault. The idea of approaching Alastor and initiating the conversation felt impossible, your feet became stone when you thought of it.
The cowardâs option. Wait for time alone and then pace the library until he came to find you.
After an hour or so he did, smile brightening as he entered. âShould I summon the bar?â
You shook your head no, struggling to speak. He sat in his chair, book still on the small side table.
Heart pounding, you considered doing this another day or week or maybe year but knew youâd already lost so much time. âAlastor, I need to talk to you about my task.â
He snapped the book shut, eyes not leaving his hands. âOh?â
âI need to leave the hotel or at least need serious time alone with someone. I need to change someoneâs heart on true love. I canât go homeâ,â you were cut off, Alastor standing quickly.
âHome?â
âAlastor.â You stood your ground even as his spine stretched and antlers widened.
âYour home is wherever I am.â A pained smile now, something akin to hurt in his eyes that did damage to you too. âAh. So last nightâ and people say Iâm cruel.â
âIâm not supposed to be here!â
A snap, his anger and desperation eclipsing his pain, âWhy donât you ever listen-,â
Your turn to cut him off, âBecause youâre under a spell! You act so fucking tough like youâre in control all the time. But youâre not! Itâs just the effect of the arrow.â
He laughed, but you kept going, âDonât act like youâre sooo strong you can fight the effects of my shot. You donât fucking love me. Not really, not naturally. It was an accident. Youâre justâ itâs been made by me. I donât want it. I want something real and true.â
âMy feelings are true, just let me speak. I can make you understand if youâd just listen to me.â Pupils like pins, teeth somehow sharper.
âAlastor you canât have true love. Nothing triggered by my arrows can ever be true.â
Another ring of laughter, âTell me then how your true love is different than mine, Oh Wise Cupid.â
You huffed, âDonât talk down to me, radio demon. True love means caring deeply for someone else that occupies your heart and mind-,â he opened his mouth, looking around the room for where you found the audacity but you snapped twice to get his attention back, ânot just that! You put them first without fear because if they truly love you they would never take advantage of that. Itâs trusting them with the most fragile parts of yourself. It's a best friend. Someone who makes you feel like a better version of you, makes you want to always be improving yourself.â
Alastor was still smug, staring at you from his unnervingly demonic height, âLovely! Last question, expert, is true love ever one sided?â
You thought for a beat, âIt can be.â
He hummed, body swiftly resuming his smaller but, again, still too tall scale, antlers remaining fierce as his sinister smile dropped to just a small upward turn of his lips. âI see. Youâve truly enlightened me. I believe you.â The sarcasm wasnât lost on you.
You rolled your eyes and licked your lips to go off when a portal opened beside you.
Heaven was just beyond the shining circle.
You looked from Alastor to the circular doorway, taking small steps towards it. Your hand pressed through, confusion wiping your own smugness off your face.
Alastor began a mocking slow clap. âIâve been convinced. Happy now? Task complete.â
âBut- the love Mania causesâŠIt clouds the mind, you canât even process the idea of true love properly.â You searched the floor for some clarity.
His hands stopped, eyebrows meeting his bangs as a laugh that started typically but quickly morphed into maniacal filled the room. You just kept pushing your hand in and out of the portal. Alastor finally quieted, antlers fully drawn back into little prongs. He stared at you. A shiver as his smile reached his ears. That look again. You took a deep breath, ready to be eaten.
âYour little arrow didnât pierce me, you glorious fool. It literally fell into my pocket. I was never under the effects of your magic. I said that many times.â He straightened out his suit jacket, âVery plainly, might I add. You just never listened to me. So sure you knew better than I did.â
You sputtered, too many thoughts trying to express themselves, âWhy did you act like that then?!â
âBecause I wanted you. Something something first sight, as I recall the adage goes.â He crossed his arms and looked at his claws, âPerhaps my love happens to be manic by default. I am a murderous overlord, darling.â
All the energy left your body, shoulders relaxing. âOh.âÂ
âSo, here I am,â he opened his arms, âtrusting you to not hurt me any further today. Does that fall into your narrow view of true love?â
A good question. You shifted your weight onto your other foot, looking back at heaven. You could see the shining gates.
He sighed and brought his arms down, âI canât promise how long Iâll let you stand there and look at anything other than me.â
A warning.
A deep breath, another shift onto your other foot again as you shook the anxiety out of your hands before finally making eye contact with him, âWell, eldritch horror, prove it.â
You heard the door lock from across the room.Â
You decided heaven could wait. It took about two days before they seemed to notice you hadnât entered the portal, which closed on its own some time between Alastor pushing you onto the floor and you begging him for more. Luckily St. Peter wasnât privy to your escapades.
It was a fact Sera was aware you had completed your task, because a knock came to the library door on that second day after you did so. Entering without waiting for a reply, which was brave, Lucifer and his hat popped into the room.
âHeeeey giiiirl. I got a message from heaven asking whatâs the hold up, worried you were incapacitated.â
From your seat in Alastorâs lap you lowered your book, âHow nice of them to suddenly care about my well-being.â You brought the book back up, âLittle late.â
He nodded, âUh huh, uh huh. Yeah I can understand that. Sooo,â his fingers tapped the door, âWhat should I reply with?â
Alastor turned the page and hummed a reply, âFinders Keepers.â
ᥣđ©Ë°âą*ââ· masterlist
â° Summoning the Horny Little Deer Cult (general tag list):
@cxrsedwxrlds , @nonetheartist , @tsunaki , @janchei , @wettiny-in-smutland , @moonmark98 , @hoebihoeshi , @pansexual-opera-house , @polytheatrix , @lorddiabigmommymilkers , @backinthefkingbuildingagain , @harley2223-blog , @coffee-colored-hopeless-romantic , @poinappel , @midnightnoiserose , @spookieroz , @missmidorima , @ivebeenthearchersstuff , @downbadforfictionalppl , @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx , @sleepylittledemon , @aether-th3-enby , @dontfuckbutimfab , @breathlessaura , @aperfectidiot , @certainlygay , @jth12 , @star-kujo-platinum ,
@ivebeenthearchersstuffn, @rubyninja1 , @simphornies , @alleystore , @readergirlstuff , @berry-demon , @chirimeimei , @fairyv-ice , @olive-frog , @thonethatflies620 , @tiredkiwiii , @ilikemyteawithmilk , @whateverlololo , @psipies , @howabouticallyou , @roxxie-wolf , @ive-no-idea-what-to-call-this , @fizzled-phoenix , @fjorjestertealeaf , @phobophobular , @surusurusuru , @mariaclarade-la-cruz1 , @whateverlololo , @simplyonehellofanotaku , @xixflower , @i-am-nonbinary-bean-deal-with-it , @roxxie-wolf , @a-case-of-attachment , @multifandomfanatic02 , @watereddownmilk , @raynerrold , @crazii-saber-wolf , @valkyrie-expeditions , @bontensbabygirl , @sillyb0nez , @oo0lady-mad0oo , @jazzmasternot , @pseudobun , @fraugwinskaâš, @alitaar , @straows , @alastorssimp , @angelicwillows , @b-o-n-e-daddy , @one-and-only-tay , @asleeponelmstreet , @tremendoushearttaco , @mutifandomkid , @sapphirecaelis , @itzzzkiramylove @saccharine-nectarine , @viannasthings , @looking1016 , @ultimate-duck-king-lucifer , @blakeaha , @astraechos , @reath-solia ,
đčAlastor stalkers: @celestial-vomit , @amurtan
@faeoffaith , sailorsmouth , @jeannyjaykaydeh , @jyoongim , @cosmic-lavender , @saturn-alone , @lustylita , @radio-darling , @kaylopolis , @dickmastersworld , @leviskittywh0re
@asianfrustration13 @alittletiredcry @sirens-and-moonflowers @alastorssimp
@sugurubabe , @zzzykiek , @phamtasic
#ms.chismosa speaks#the Greeks had Socrates yâall have me#litterally crying in the spaghetti western rn#alastor smut#alastor#alastor x you#hazbin hotel#alastor x reader#hazbin hotel x reader#hazbin hotel fanfiction#hazbin hotel smut#hazbin alastor#alastor x reader smut
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Congrats to me because I think Iâve single handedly made my anxiety worse in the past week alone
yeyy
#I#I fcuking hate this#please#I just need someone to lay on me and hug me#Iâve generally been kinda bad for like the last month or so in terms of general anxiety and I just#au#breaking my phone and possibly losing all my art + my moms car breaking + going back to school are fucking killing me rn#like oh god oh fuck I have to do this(school) for another year? and then another after that?!#horrible year I must say#this is the horrible evil year#also I have the curse of having my hardest fucking core classes this semester#math science and history also with creative writing for my one elective#i already want to cry and itâs litterally been only 2 days#I donât even have like a part time job or anything im just fucking horrible at school#and my parents refuse the thought of either of their kids having any sort of mental health problems#Iâve known Iâve had some sort of anxiety thing since I was fucking 10 Iâm not fucking shy dudes Iâm fucking scared of people and itâs their#fucking fault#sorry#venting shit in tags imma leave now#I have to go cry#bastard can talk
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