#literally we can do whatever we want forever
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thebaldursmouthgazette · 3 days ago
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The blighted status effect is a status effect with absolutely no effect on the plot, and there are multiple people effected by the blight in the way we’d expect (Flynn, the viper, Antoine and I believe some people in treviso if you save minrathous, however I have not gone that route yet). It’s a silly status effect, but it’s even sillier to act like it’s a retcon and they’ve ruined the lore when it has absolutely no effect on the plot and every time it comes up in the plot it works as expected. As for “wading through rivers of blight” so do the origins companions, the da2 team, and the inquisition team, and they’re all immune aside from the Hawke sibling. Because it’s a story with a plot.
Zevran was purchased about 37 years before the events of veilguard. For context, all the crows we meet in veilguard aside from the de Acutis siblings and Caterina are under 35, so had not even been born when Zevran was recruited. Zevran was recruited by house Arainai, in veilguard we meet House Cantori, House de Riva, and house Dellamorte. House Dellamorte is made up exclusively of biological relations of the Dellamorte family. House Cantori is lead by Teia, who is explicitly an idealist who wants the crows to be more like a family, and house de Riva is lead by Viago, who does whatever Teia says because he’s down bad.
The crows have also been targeted for 20 years by Zevran, who is actively choosing targets with the explicit goal of changing the ways the crows work so they no longer purchase and exploit orphans.
On top of that, about half the talons were just murdered, leading to a stronger alliance between the remaining talons, half of which are explicitly the more idealist talons, including Teia (who sees Caterina as an adoptive grandmother, and Caterina appears to at least somewhat see her as family in return) who, due to her experiences, wants the crows to be more like a family and not at each others throats.
All of these events have contributed to the crows we see today, 37 years after the purchase and training of Zevran. A crows that is shifting towards a newer, more cohesive organisation, but where the remnants of the previous attitude are still very much present in the older talons and those trained by them (one of the de Acutis siblings talks about killing family, Lucanis and a crow rook both describe their training as torture, all of caterinas children, their spouses, and several of her grandchildren were murdered by rival houses). The crows aren’t retconned, they’ve just changed over the last several decades. Would you rather the world remained stagnant forever? Would you rather Zevrans efforts have no effect whatsoever?
As for Jacobus’ new house, not all the houses are houses of talons. He was trained by one of the idealist houses, and the talons in charge describe him as a prodigy and seem to want the best for him. It is with their permission he starts a house, which is lead by him but lower in command than the fifth and seventh houses. It’s a bit idealist, but it’s implied he was trained by house Cantori and Teia specifically is explicitly very idealist, and also the youngest talon, who herself came from absolutely nothing. She’s literally trying to give him the opportunities she had and treasured. Are they good opportunities? Objectively no, but from the perspective of Teia and Jacobus, yeah.
Taash specifically says that their mother left the qun when they were a baby. They have many health issues as a direct result of being a fire breather, and their descriptions of being a fire breather indicate it’s a physical feature rather than a magical ability, so it is not a stretch to imagine that it was obvious at birth that they were a fire breather. While children under the qun are raised by tamassarans, they are not the only individuals who can get pregnant. Since children need to breast feed, it’s not a stretch to imagine that children born to non tamassaran birth parents stay with their birth parent until they’re on solids. At the very least, it’s not said otherwise anywhere so it cannot be a retcon that Shathaan was able to tell what taash was at birth and had a chance to sneak them away.
None of these are retcons. The blighted status effect is the closest thing to a retcon there is and, to be quite honest, if you’re acting like it is any way serious that’s kinda embarrassing. It is literally just a status effect for gameplay reasons. Just pretend it’s a different word. The rest are writing decisions that make sense within the world and the context of the characters involved but you, personally, do not like. You’re allowed not to like it, but that is a you problem.
Dragon age origins: this is the chantry version of events. we don’t actually know the true version of events yet but because the chantry is a religious organisation with a clear bias and because the chantry’s story seems very neat it probably shouldn’t be taken as historical fact
Dragon age origins: this is the story of flemeth. Except flemeths daughter is here and she says that’s wrong. The story has been altered over time and merged with another story about events that took place a century later. But also Flemeth could have lied to her daughter, so this story is likely not the whole truth either
Dragon age origins: here is our ancient lore. We have pieced it together from fragments that have survived repeated attempts to erase us from history. We know we don’t have it all right, but we’re trying our best
Dragon age veilguard: you know all those stories that we’ve been telling you are unreliable for 15 years? Well here’s some of the truths behind them that were lost to time. People got a lot of things wrong, but the reasons for that are realistic and make sense
Players: this is a retcon
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thenewestxmen · 11 hours ago
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I am convinced that Wade had a really hard adjustment when Logan came into his life.
After I called after Logan when we returned to my home universe, I welcomed him into that shitty apartment. The only thing I regret informing Logan of is that it was a one bed apartment with a pull out couch. The second I got home. I introduced Althea to Logan and Logan, Althea. That night as everyone was welcoming Logan, mini Logan, and I back home, I announced we would in fact be moving out. Al already sometimes pays rent, and her disability insurance and checks should cover her. Logan doesn’t have money so he will stay with me, at least until he scrapes up enough money or sobriety to get his own place. That night, Wolverine takes the floor. 
“You can take the bed, I can take the floor unless you’re feeing a little hot.”
“The floor will do fine.” He says in a firm voice. He’s pretty much too tired to argue or call me a bitch. 
As I lay awake, insomnia slapping me across my ugly nutsack of a face, weirdly the only thing I can think of is what Logan said in the Honda Odyssey. The few hours ago, Vanessa had come over, she started to brag about Dermot or whatever his name was. “You couldn’t save a relationship with a god damn stopper!” His voice rang in my ears. “Gimme the dog and talk to the girl.” He had said. What’s the point? Some boring guy at her workplace was able to land her and I couldn’t. Figures, when I met her I literally paid her to tolerate me. I have no clue why she stayed after that. I attempted to flirt, but honestly… I’m not interested. I know, I know. I was willing to go back in time to get her back when she died, I know I blew myself up too. But honestly, what is so great… not to sound rude, but honestly, I’m a world famous merc and literally unable to die, so messed up I got an amazing sense of humor. And she was a stripper and left me when things got a little rough. I chatted with her a bit at the homecoming party, but after that, my eyes wandered… to Logan. Aw shit. The guys is hot. Come one Wade, pull yourself together!
Now I’m laying on the pull out, he’s three feet from me, sleeping and snoring softly. But still even though I’m just now realizing how incredibly handsome he is, how perfect even, it’s not the first time I’ve felt attracted to him. In the void, he held my hand and decided to die with me to help me. But even after he did so, his hurtful words still ring in my ears. My stomach weirdly hurts, like a cold pit dropped down my throat. That when I realize my face feels hot, and burning teas stream down my face. This doesn’t often happen, or at least not usually when I’m insulted. But Logan’s words really hit me hard I guess, and just now, as the words sink in a bit more, they push and force the salty hot tears out of me.
“Hmm… Wade?” I hear from behind me. Logan woke up and heard me… quickly I wipe the tears and turn to face Logan, resting my head back on the pillow. I hope my face isn’t too red and puffy, even through the darkness and lighting my scars make.
“Sleeping soundly peanut?” I say in a sexual voice. Although my dumbass self forget that little Angelbaby has great senses. I can see it on his face. He smells my salty tears.
“Why the fuck are you crying?” Logan says in tired deep voice.
“Im not crying, it’s just the moonlight reflecting off of your sugary tits into my eyes, so they look all shiny.” I say, half assed excuse. Obviously he doesn’t buy it and gets up, walking over to me, and starts laying on the other side of the pull out. 
“What’s wrong bub.” Why the hell do people ask that question when I’m trying not to cry?! I just burst into tears. 
“You… I… I can’t do anything right… you’re stuck we me, in my own universe! In my shitty apartment, stuck with a nutsack faced fucking failure.” I say in gasps for breath. He just pulls me in, holding me for a moment as my chest hurts and strains. Everything’s a wreck, I don’t want this life. I don’t want to live forever, I don’t want to be a merc or car salesman, I don’t want to be depended on. Logan just hushes me.
“It’s alright…” he says. He’s awful at this comfort shit but his deep smooth voice and warm embrace is rather soothing. He allows me to cry, soaking his shirt. I cry until I’m trembling and my jaw and chest hurts. Even when I stop because of the pain, he holds me. Everything is a mess and I want everything to be all better. I’m moving and the Wolverine is depending on me for a place to live and I am a mess and can’t have a good relationship with anyone… the closest thing to one is with my blind elderly roommate who despises me. Logan rocks back and forth, hushing and humming. He will occasionally say, “it’s ok Wade…” or something. My chest starts to stop aching and I just let him hold me, letting my eyelids close. I don’t know what I’ll do tomorrow, and I’m not looking to finding out. Everything’s a mess, and it’s all my mess.
authors note: should I turn this into another fic series? This is going well, I think I could go off this into a series, idk. Sorry I didn’t post this earlier, it took a while to write this bcs I was busy.
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stregoniconiconii · 2 years ago
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I think when making transfem Stevie stuff we should just pretend that she had a different deadname . like we don’t ever have to mention what the deadname was bc it doesn’t feel relevant to me but I just dont always like the new names ppl come up with <3 and I do like the name Stevie or Steph lol 
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qwertyu858 · 10 hours ago
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I mean, I think the main problem is the first world people (usually right wing) tend to believe that if you suply ALL the demand, nobody will inmigrate anymore. And fail to see that, it doesnt matter what demand (trades or college or literally whatever), the main idea will always be 'we are in a shortage, we need inmigrants". Always.
So you will have a trade shortage that will be 'solved' by inmigrants. And you will also have a college educated shortage that will 'solved' by inmigrants. And americans can ping-pong forever between 'we need to go to college/we need to go to trades' and it will never solve anyways.
Like here in mexico, we started having in facebook and even locals news ads about how there is a shortage of farm workers and thus, we need haitians to work the fields. And we also have a shortage of doctors, so we need cubans and venozolans. But also, only mexicans want to work in farming, so USA needs us to send mexican farmers (that now we have) to inmigrate to usa and now, canada too. But also, we need to send doctors and nurses (that now we have) to germany. But also...
Like do you guys can see it? And yeah, part of the shortage is bc inmigrants tend to cost less money and will accept worse living conditions that the citizens will not. That will not be solve by going to trades and/or college.
Hm maybe this push for sensible young Americans to get into the trades and the mass importation of “highly skilled” labor for tech is somehow…connected
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mantisgodsdomain · 2 months ago
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Now that we are being followed by people, we need to make some thoughts and opinions clear so that people are not later Shocked And Disgusted or whatever by thoughts we have held for many years. We think it's weird and also bad to treat queer people like they're a different species from cishet people, and we think that treating things like Having A Sexuality makes a character better than if they have a different sexuality is bad no matter what way you put it.
We also think that, if in your setting queer folks are widely accepted and straight isn't a "default", it may be worth noting that, say, a straight woman might need just as much self-discovery to work out she's straight that a lesbian does nowadays. In the same manner that, in Ace Attorney, Larry Butz needs to tell Phoenix that no matter how many photos of handsome men he shows him, he's tried, he's just not attracted to men,
#we speak#this is only half shitpost the other half is “we think the way fandom can treat straight people like another species is bad actually”#this also goes for cis characters btw#if asking whats in your pants is bad for queer people it is Also bad for nonqueers! no one is obligated to that information!#in a world where all genders and sexualities are equal someone being straight is just as much a notable trait as them being bisexual#which should ideally be of similar note to like. any other piece of personal identity junk#labels are a mode of self definition and not like. a signal that any given thing is better#like we do very much think that acting like a character being straight is like a Terrible Thing That Mangles Them#is on the same level as like. the people who insist that tracer overwatch was Totally Ruined by being a lesbian#does who theyre attracted to really matter that much? are you really that obsessed with a characters gender?#do you really have that burning of a need to know whats in a characters pants? this mindset is bizarre to us from both sides#literally every character we've ever written could be cishet and youd never know. because it doesnt matter.#your identity is none of our business and our identity should be none of your business as well#and that fact means nothing because just as there is no fundamental difference between man and woman#there is no fundamental difference between a man who transitioned and a man who did not#we made all this shit up. we promise you it is not the end of the world if someone doesnt make sense to you. do whatever you want forever.
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weaselweaselweasel · 3 months ago
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Me when I make a dead 80s pop star revive as a knight and fall in love with one of the shadow creatures he’s supposed to be fighting against
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aurosoulart · 2 years ago
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sometimes I get NFTbros trying to get me to sell my work as crypto bullshit and NOTHING shuts them up faster than me saying
‘oh actually literally all my AR art is published under public domain! no single person can own it because technically it’s owned by everyone :))’
they hate not being able to manufacture artificial scarcity
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tyrannuspitch · 8 months ago
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thinking about the specifics of loki's sexuality for the first time in aaages and like... while i am personally not too fussed and tend to go with the flow here. i've decided i think it's fair to argue that the loki show is so far removed from the original character that you don't have to accept what it says on the subject.
obviously SOME people will be doing that maliciously, especially (but by no means exclusively) if their alternative is that he's cishet. it's def worth watching out for (and reflecting on a little in yourself.)
but at the same time - there are genuinely zero datapoints on mcu loki's orientation while he has his original characterisation. he's never visibly attracted to anyone, and he never expresses any personal feelings on sex or romance. (i mean, overtly. you can read anything into anything if you go looking for it, but nothing is canon.) loki is queercoded, but his queercoding in the first three films is entirely about gender presentation. so, if you accept that this era of canon is separable from the rest, then by the same logic it follows that loki's actual orientation is a blank slate.
so yeah. obviously if you like seeing loki as bi that's great, vive la bisexualité. but also. if you see loki as gay or aroace or whatever else, especially if you've been doing so since the 2010s, who are any of us to tell you you're wrong.
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boygirlctommy · 2 months ago
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ive decided that andoras almost always has crazy makeup and wigs on simply bcus its fun for him. and everin doesnt see him without any of it on until after the birthday party debacle and loses it slightly bcus she thought that was his real hair the whole time wdym youre BALD (hes not bald his hair is just short)
#my post#the wondrous oc tag#madineau#the lore is stored in the tags#world so beautiful. i love making shit up about my ocs#did this partly bcus i wanna include more ridiculous hairstyles in this bcus i realized that i can#and this is perfect for andoras bcus he literally doenst do anything all day anyways. so he just gets up spends half the day gettnig ready#and then spends the rest of it hanging around ev and bothering her#theres a bit of bright colors and markings like aposematism. like watch out hes toxic do not approach#like ev gives a shit though#ANDDDD ive managed to incorporate MOON SYMBOLISM. bcus god what is this story if not just the moon a thousand times over for no reason#(the reason is it was like 2 am i was delirious on sharpie fumes and got really emotional about the moon out of nowhere)#so like when hes first introduced his makeup includes a new moon. new beginnings and all that#during the birthday party hes got a 1st quarter moon. for intention. bcus thats when ev and an get a little normal about each other#and an specifically realizes oh hey. i actually liek this person. and i think she likes me too. i dont want this to ever stop.#smilesss he realizes this while theyre dancing. and ev is laughing and relaxed and SMILING for once and an wishes he could watch that smile#forever...#dreamy sigh. ive had that scene living in my head for years now#i think i came up with that after reading knifetrick. bcus i loved the party scene soooooo much <33#where was i. right moon makeup.#so in the very very very end andoras has a full moon#sealing of intention slash continuing the cycle. because its implied hes gonna overthrow the government and kill the current leaders#thats a big jump from where we just were. bear with me here a lot happens in this story#like the birthday party and that tender moment. is interrupted by the rev squad showing up and trying to convince a crowd of people to#murder ev#which more or less works pretty easily btw. they all just go 'ok bet' as if they werent attending HER party.#its fine its whatever its ok. ev doesnt think theres anyone she can truly trust but she does so anyways and just prays they dont turn on he#bcus the only people she has left in the world are her 2 advisors who hate her and her best friend who also maybe hates her
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impostorsshow · 6 months ago
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I would never have thought that playing Disney: Dreamlight Valley would make me ship Merlin and Ursula but here we are they're definitely a divorced couple you cannot change my mind
#psa i did not buy the game fuck disney#my nama bought the game forever ago and i had to do some finagally bullshit to play it because disney is fucking stupid with their weird#cloud save id thing whatever it was a whole thing of figuring out how to play on my acc on my switch w/out buying the game#the answer was just to transfer “primary console” control to her acc on my switch - now we can play it at the same time#the bad news is she bought literally every dlc EXCEPT FUCKING OSWALD. LIKE IM NOT GONNA ASK HER TO BUY IT BECAUSE AGAIN /FUCK DISNEY/#BUT IM SOBBING CRYING ROLLING ON THE FLOOR MY GUY THATS MY LITTLE GUY PLEASE GOD PLEASE MY LITTLE GUY I WANT HIM PLEASE GOD SOBBING#talk talks#disney dreamlight valley#dreamlight valley#ursula#im not tagging merlin because all the suggested tags i dont recognize ans i fear its like a character in an underground tv show#also mother gothel is like exactly like my mom and i hate it i completely forgot that i related to tangled too much#overly sheltered kid with a narcissistic hoverparent mom? noo totally not. my life FUCK#but i caught myself going “oh shes not so bad shes fine to live in the valley shes just bad to her kid :]” and then had whiplash#that is probably why everybody except me likes my mom isnt it. god i hate charismatic narcissists#not gonna get into it if anyone with npd follows me thats fine its just that my mom refuses to go to therapy or improve her actions at all#its like entirely a personal issue your a person too whatever whatever its 2 am#i am aware pds are stimatized especially npd but i think living with an emotionally abusive narcissist for 10+ years is enough to justify a#/bit/ of a negative bias. i dont want to encourage treating narccissists like shit but i do think people need to be held accountable
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aromanticasterisms · 1 year ago
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read through all of neuvillette's stories on the wiki and. what do you MEAN people were right about him giving furina her vision
#personal stuff#delete later#KIND OF. sort of.#man i love getting vision and celestia lore like AUGH. gnaws on it forever#but yea really interesting to me. neuvillette has the power and authority that the hydro throne had#so he can portion off bits of his power and hand them out in the form of visions like the heavens did#the WORDING is really interesting to me though. like specifically talking about the Heavens and the Seven Archons#like this implies that the Thrones in celestia are responsible for handing out visions instead of the individual gods#which we already knew from ei's voiceline about electro visions not getting handed out. what was up with that btw#CANNOT wait for snezhnaya where we find out what the hell a gnosis actually is and does and why the fatui's collecting them#if they seemingly have no influence on an archon's authority or seat in celestia and only act as a connection to the heavens#like the hydro throne is gone. it's super gone. but the hydro gnosis is still. around. and apparently performing whatever task gnoses do#for arlecchino to still. want it.#also all of the archons being so flippant about their gnoses. do they know they're made from some dead guy's corpse do you think#venti didn't fight back when his was being taken zhongli and nahida traded theirs and ei literally just didn't care#god. REALLY interesting. also the line near the end of his ''vision'' story abt vision holders is so fucking ominous#''and when one so gifted completed their duty...the gift the gods would receive in return would be more abundant still''#HUH. EXCUSE ME.#like. allogenes as investments for elemental power? is that what we're getting at?#still wondering what the hell happened to vennessa. can we get some information on what ascending to celestia means. please
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chiistarri · 7 months ago
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what if instead of messaging me in the middle of the night about your stupid fucking girlfriend and your stupid fucking problems with her you actually act like my fucking friend and message me like how you message everyone else in our group
#bye ignore my venting bigger problems what fucking ever#im sick of her ass she only messages us for us to help her with her fucking girlfriend problems like we arent even friends atthis fckn point#and i love her shes so funny whatever but god shes literally the worst because i just want to be friends i dont fucking care ab her goddamn#selfish ass gf thats shes obsessed with. be obsessed tell me about it but cant we be friends ab other stuff too#we used to be her 'favorite friend' cause we shared so many interests and we hung around what fucking ever but fuck that right#get a gf and just use us to help better yalls relationship without even telling her you're sharing her private msgs w us huh yeah sure#what fucking ever im so done with this bitch and i cant even get my contacts out cause i have long nails and im js poking my eye#AND SHE WOULD NEVER BE SORRY if our friendship fell apart she would tell everyone i was jealous of her gf or what ever i literally dont care#she was like an older sister before i dont get why getting a gf would have to change shit like ok good for u but what ab us#what about me its not even fucking fair like is it that hard to keep up w ur friends?? NO its fucking not#taking me so long to write a post bc im still fucking helping her with her stupid dumb selfish idiotic gf omfg#just BREAK UP i literally dont fucking care just leave her if she makes u unhappy its literally online tf is she gonna do to u nothing omfg#why am i the one being punished when shes the one with the stupid dumb gf that hates her and herself i dont fucking care i js want m friend#and i cant tell any of our mutual friends cause she dont do that to them its js me so itd be like im being dramatic#and like shit i guess i am but i dont care atp thats all she ever talks to me ab like ok i get it i helped u but stop jfc#but if i said that we'd never talk again bc what fucking ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cause im just dramatic whatever#if u cant resolve these simple problems of communication on ur own then maybe u shouldnt be in a relationship idk js my thoughts! die#sry the 1 person who knows what xactly i mean is asleep and im so tired of getting late night msgs being like hii can u help me SHUT UP#id love to help if we were actually still fucking friends but we arent so js leave me alone bruh#post#nickpost#will delete in morning my mom keeps telling me to put my phone down bt i need 2 say smfh 2 some1#i hate change i hate slight differences in my normal day to day i hate everything i hate not having smth to rely on i hate change i hate it#sry im alg now im js sick of her ass js leave bruh#nimbhe my moms yelling im tired anyway i need to js isolate myself forever no problems if im on an island alone#living my best life in the shade drinking idk water or whatever and just talking to myself bc who even needs friends right!!!!!!!!#its 11:11 make a wjsh#adding more cz whatever im deleting this ltr anyway#its so clear where i stand with everyone cause its always close but not close enough friendly but not friends and i guess its the same w her#bye im out of tags etc whatever nobody matching my freak ever never comfortable in any friendships
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biracy · 1 year ago
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Cannot find my older post about it (tbh I didn't try very hard) but honestly I am so tired of people trying to pretend like there's any sort of consistency to "cis women getting a nose job is evil and NOT feminist. However all transsexual surgery is Holy Holy Holy". It's truly not surprising how often people end up reblogging from like, actual tradcaths about "modern women ruining their natural feminine beauty" or whatever. I've said this all before so I don't wanna repeat myself but obviously this does not mean "you cannot critique what drives people (cis or trans) to get 'plastic surgery'" or "women's choices exist in a vacuum" (although I would roll back some of the extreme performative hatred for women who make The Bad Not Feminist Choices), but it DOES mean "stop pretending like there's any sort of actual distinction between Cis Plastic Surgery (bad) and Trans 'Gender-Affirming' Surgery (good) that does not fully rely on the medicalization of being transgender" and it ALSO means "stop pretending to care about bodily autonomy when what you really mean is 'people can do things with their bodies I think are cool and good, but not things that I don't like. Those things should literally be banned, that's how we will save women'"
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sherlock-is-ace · 8 months ago
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#gonna be depressing in the tags for a moment#pls excuse me#but whenevery i see a pair of friends that are like soulmates together#who laugh and scream about what they love and have so many things in common#i always become the personification of ''i want what they have''#ever since i was a child i would pray (you heard that right lol) to get a best friend who shared my interests and passions#(and who was gay but that's included in interests and passions lol tho i didn't know it at the time)#i dream with the sitcom worthy friendships with the you get the key to my house and you can come in whenever#we just spend days sitting together and not even talking just being there#or the next best thing. find it online!#but that will never happen and i need to accept that#not even for lack of trying... i even went to a hobby class for a whole month trying to make friends irl#but it's impossible for the simplest reason... i don't enjoy it!#every time i try to do something new and out of my comfort zone i fail misserably because it's literal hell to me#how can i make a friend if i cannot talk to people?#online or whatever?!#i can't even talk to the people i know from school or whatever#i put in so much fucking effort and freak myself out!#and it's not working and it won't work and idk what to do about it!#so yeah i don't think i'm capable of having meaningful relationships actually#and i need to really accept that cause otherwise i will forever dream with it#like i need to stop trying to chase after it it's just not gonna happen#i guess people have these feelings about romantic partners? well not me lol#anyways...#angel talks#personal
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pepprs · 2 years ago
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ok actually yeah. i really need to do dishes and go to bed and not stay up late mentalillnessposting a little too viscerally on tumblr the night before i facilitate a workshop in front of the literal president of the university and the vp of my division (LOL about that btw. actively shitting my pants.) but oh my GOD. so saying goodbye to lia was actually fine in the moment. neither of us cried and we talked about all the ways we’ll still be in each others lives and reasons we’ll have to interact in the near future. and she gave me an extremely heartfelt thoughtful gift and we left on a very hopeful note and i felt better and content bc there’s still the rest-of-life and we’ll see each other there. but like an hour before that as i mentioned i was HYSTERICALLY sobbing. in full view of people i know AND people i don’t. and i just sat there and sobbed while everything carried on around me. everything carried on around me!!! and i feel like im about to sob again thinking about it.
#purrs#delete later#idk. i typed a bunch here and then deleted it and now idk what to say. i just feel so lonely. i have had fucked up relationships with every#single older adult in my life and never had someone who could a) stay in my life b) be consistently present in my life c) meet my emotional#needs d) actually See me and accept me for who i am. Like not one person who can be all four of those things. and i have to be all four of t#those things for myself now because im 24 and i missed my chance. but how fucking shitty and painful is that? especially after a year like t#this. the way it’s literally ending the SAME way last year did. huge scary promotion (which i haven’t even talked about on here or to anyone#but lia today actually. but it might be huger and scarier than i thought. which is good but also HUGE -‘d scary. and not a bad thing of bc o#course but it’s so fucking… perilous? like it makes me feel profoundly imperiled because i have extremely good reason to feel that way. and#i have to endure the mortifying ordeal of applying for my own job AGAIN after the first time was so horrible. lol) and also losing a beloved#mentor figure who understood me in a way no one else did which mattered immensely even if they couldn’t do the whole presence thing or#whatever. and now i only have one older adult in my life left (aside from my therapist who doesn’t really count bc i only see her once a#week and we barely know each other still) who is like. here and helping me and i KNOW i am so sick in the head i KNOW and i should not be#writing it but every single day i am fucking terrified that i am being or will be separated from him emotionally or physically jsut like all#the others so. LOL!!!!! i am normal and well adjusted. but it’s like so fucking painful because im grasping at straws but again the reality#is im 24 and the only people on this earth who it is fair for me to expect all 4 from and who should’ve provided it to me are my parents.#and i missed my chance with them forever and now i have to do it myself. and that’s ok sometimes and i can handle it… except in the moments#where im sobbing hysterically and everything carries on. when i am in my darkest moments i want to run to an older adult and have them#comfort me but i truly cannot do that with any of the ones i still have left / regularly interact with for so many reasons. and it’s so#painful it makes me sick sometimes. and now i have to be the romy and the lia i wish to see in this world. but how can i do that when i#haven’t finished grieving over them leaving which feels like leaving ME — NOW — in this moment when i have never needed more support of that#kind more. how can isummon it within myself. im not ready yet. i need a long hug and a hand to hold that won’t (have to) let go. when im#crying i need someone to take me somewhere and comfort me and calm me down. and im 24 so i can’t ask for it. but oh my god i need it. and i#missed my chance. and lia left today and she only ever did that for me metaphorically but… tonight i feel more alone than ever.#and it’s like i don’t even have the emotional intelligence or whatever to ASK for that. bc im playing by ear and i don’t know how to read#the music of it. im self taught. that fucking sucks. that SUCKSSS. also that’s too strong a way to put it liek obviously my friends who are#closer to my age are INTEGRAL to me being able to function and i learn from them and cherish their support. but just like i can’t be a mom#to me my friends can’t either. so it’s like what the fuck do i do. get steamrolled by relentless grief and rage every day i guess.#also side note. everything carried on when i was in brighton too. i came home early ofc but it’s like nothing changed in my absence. and#that has fucked me up SUPREMELY. i think that might be a root of it. like hm… it seems my presence doesn’t have impacts. but idk
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todayisafridaynight · 1 year ago
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extra thoughts but sawashiro hurts my heart so like. yeah we know his character is like sad and tragic but like. REALLY think about it and like let it set in i swear he makes me want to rip my hair out he was just a boy... wish him happiness w like. a Labrador or smthn i dont know dog breeds
i can't really. call sawashiro 100% innocent; the abuse he went through during his adolescence is definitely sad and undoubtedly contributes to his behavior now, but uhhh he still put a newborn baby in a locker LMAO?
sawashiro's agony is purely a product of his own actions. at the very least he's trying to rectify the damage he did, and that's definitely better than him not having any remorse at all
#snap chats#sawashiro's perpetual crime and punishment is my favorite thing ever its so evil#like he Justifiably feels this immense guilt for the stupid shit he did- like he very much should feel awful forever#do we comprehend. putting a baby in a locker. like i joke about it all the time but Truly Honestly#fortunately (or not LMAO) masato survived but he was ultimately left damaged for half his life#lest we neglect to note that masato's condition specifically bred that hatred in him that made him wack as hell so.. uh oops#literal domino effect moment Sawashiro And Ikumi Didn't Get Sex Ed -> Japan's Most Vulnerable Are Being Oppressed pipeline#a set of stupid actions ultimately tarnished someones life. masato sucks but he didnt do anything as a baby to deserve that#in any case the severity of sawashiro's actions and his guilt is so integral to his character and aoki's character honestly#of course he's going to do everything for aoki now- but as a result now aoki's spoiled on that servitude yk#and aoki will never know why sawashiro was that dedicated all he knows is that he can get whatever he wants from him#and of COURSE. NOW we have a bratty 42 y/o LOL#you cant really feel bad for him because the punishment fits the crime- hell some might say its not enough#almost killing a baby is pretty indefensible. like i get why neither of them just gave the baby to an adult#yk TRAUMA and undoubtedly having a general distrust towards adults will influence your actions like that#but to put it in a LOCKER. at the very least they couldve just left it in a basket or somewhere someone could see it#but they put. a baby. in a locker. where it was supposed to wither away like the thousands of other coin locker babies#at most it wouldve been great if the adults in sawashiro and ikumi's lives didn't fail them but.. that aint the timeline we live in#FORGIVE THE RAMBLE i just. love this aspect of sawashiro it's so funny to think about#despite it all he should get a dog tho. for my amusement
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