#if asking whats in your pants is bad for queer people it is Also bad for nonqueers! no one is obligated to that information!

[mantisgodsdomain]

Now that we are being followed by people, we need to make some thoughts and opinions clear so that people are not later Shocked And Disgusted or whatever by thoughts we have held for many years. We think it's weird and also bad to treat queer people like they're a different species from cishet people, and we think that treating things like Having A Sexuality makes a character better than if they have a different sexuality is bad no matter what way you put it.

We also think that, if in your setting queer folks are widely accepted and straight isn't a "default", it may be worth noting that, say, a straight woman might need just as much self-discovery to work out she's straight that a lesbian does nowadays. In the same manner that, in Ace Attorney, Larry Butz needs to tell Phoenix that no matter how many photos of handsome men he shows him, he's tried, he's just not attracted to men,

[forcebutch]

hey man love ur work. just started t and trying to figure out if im a butch [currently id as bi but also not sure if i might be a lesbian] whos on t or if i might be like. an actual man. the thought of being a gay dude terrifies me but i cant tell if its scary bc im in denial or if its scary bc its not true.

i guess im wondering if u have any tips on figuring myself/shit out? i think part of it is feeling like i'll lose being butch if i'm also attracted to men?? any input or thoughts u may have are helpful tyy

i was gonna tell you you shouldnt source your info from porn blogs (and i should ABSOLUTELY NOT be your only source. i'm serious) but considering that i've been through that particular existential crisis multiple times i have some experience with it, let's do this anyways.

i am not even half as confident in my personal life as i am on this blog. my gender-sexuality is fluid and i do not fit nicely in categories, but that can feel like it leaves me either labelless or a liar. life as a gender-sexuality weirdo is not kind on anybody, and that pain really erodes away your concept of what parts of your self-image you are Allowed To Be, especially if you rely on others who agree with strict untouchable boundaries between genders and sexualities. frankly the strict no-touching model of gender-sexuality is really bad for questioning and gender/sexually fluid people. i think at some point in the 2010s we lost the idea of a queer spectrum and continued on with policed modes of gender-sexuality.

that's all theory, though. you can litigate your gender and sexuality to line up with cliquey queer ingroups or gender-apathetic academics or return-to-tradition het truscum until the cows come home and still never feel like yourself.

as my wife says, there's a reason science degrees require a number of lab hours. at some point you just gotta do it. no more theory: turn off brain, start. you have several hypotheses and they need some actual testing. flirt with somebody at a gay bar. do drag. buy syd sixx's or carta monir's t-masc-featured porn, take an edible, and have a night to yourself. watch an archived copy of bloodsisters with your pants off. fuck a friend who's gay in a different way than you. ask your partner to switch between calling you a good boy and a good butch in bed. call yourself a faggot while you're jacking it. 69 another gender outlaw. Do Something. you can figure out labels as you go.

[mactiir]

So you want to learn to swordfight.

The most common question I see in historical fencing forums and on social media is "how do you get into HEMA?"

If you're like "what's HEMA?" -- that's Historical European Martial Arts -- it's the study and recreation of historical martial arts through weapons manuals written at the time! Many people take a scholarly approach to it -- focused on reading and recreating martial systems -- but many take a sport approach, because martial techniques are designed to be used martially! This means we're fencing -- swordfighting! Think Olympic fencing with bigger swords and slightly different rules, and more colorful gear. In this post, I will be more focused on how to get into the sporty, competition-focused side of the hobby.

Historical Fencing is a martial art! This is a really common confusion from folks who are more familiar with more well-known sword-loving communities. It's not LARPING (though I love a good LARP) -- we aren't playing characters or scenarios, and we don't dress up (usually-- rapier fencers love poofy pants, lol). It's not stage combat or SCA (although there's some community overlap)-- most of us are less interested in recreating periods or aesthetics from history than we are in learning to fence, and compete, with our weapons of choice. Although LARPing, SCA, and stage combat are all cousin hobbies to WMA, the closest analogue to Historical Fencing as a hobby is... Modern Fencing! Kendo and blade-focused Eastern Martial arts, like Kenjutsu, are also much more like historical fencing than SCA is.

Whether you're considering starting longsword fencing because your favorite author uses it as a reference, rapier fencing because it's the coolest weapon in your favorite video game, or just because you think it'd be sick as hell (it is), here's a (noncomprehensive) FAQ for becoming your very own sword lesbian/broadsword bisexual/greatsword gay/spear queer.

I don't know if there are any classes near me, where do I look?

The best place to start is the Hema Alliance Club Finder. You can use it to look up classes and sparring groups in your immediate geographic area.

2. The Club closest to me doesn't offer the weapon I'm interested in. Should I still go?

Yes. Most clubs are "longsword" clubs, but it’s really rare to find a historical fencer that exclusively fences a single system or weapon. Even if nobody at the club fences the system you're interested in, you can 1) probably talk them into it and 2)fencing not-your-weapon will still make you better at your-weapon. My club is a "longsword" club, but we have fencers who regularly do saber, rapier, rapier and dagger, messer, messer and buckler, side sword and buckler, katana, broadsword, spear, and even montante (greatsword). Just ask!

3) The nearest club is too far away. Can I learn just by studying manuals online?

Yes and no. I don’t recommend doing lots of solo practice without having attended a class. It's a good way to engrain bad habits, as well as avoid fencing altogether ("i cant spar yet, my form isn't perfect/ive learned bad habits" or worse, "i don’t need to spar, i know all the manuals inside and out"). This is a really important point: LEARNING TO MOVE A SPECIFIC WEAPON IS LESS THAN 30% OF FENCING, and you will be moving through guards and forms like a pro with only a few months of intentional practice. Your cut form can be picture-perfect and you will still get wrecked in a bout if you don't have experience. Most of fencing is understanding timing, distance, your psychology and your opponent's, and knowing from experience which positions you can get to from what other positions. You can only learn to fence by... fencing. Now, if your thing is studying arms manuals and replicating them picture-perfect, which some people are into, more power to you! But it won't be winning you any tournaments, and I am writing this assuming you want to do the sporty/swordfighty side of things.

4) wait, there are books on swordfighting?

Yes. Check Wiktenauer. Most of them are free. My club does Joachim Meyer; Fiore and Lichtenauer are also fairly common for longsword.

5) I really can't get to classes, though. Am I just out of luck?

Is there an Olympic fencing group nearby? How about lightsaber fencing? No, seriously. Kendo? Boxing? All of these things train the exact skills that are difficult to learn in HEMA fencing -- distance, timing, reaction speed, fight psychology. Some of the best beginners I've ever sparred came from lightsaber, or kendo. If there is no group nearby at all, pick up a copy of Meyer's art of combat and a 12-inch length of steel pipe (it's the same weight as a longsword) to learn how to move the sword (do NOT hit people with this, oh my god), go to kendo for a few months, and you'll be in decent shape for WMA sparring when you can get to a group.

The reason HEMA is fun is because of the community! Even if it's a really intense commute, try to make it to class at least once or twice. You will enjoy it more, you will learn more, and you will fence better. Don't just do it all on your own! Most of the people in these groups have fallen into the common mistakes so YOU don't have to. Utilize them!

6) What do I do if there are no people to spar with nearby?

Why don't you start a group? Purpleheart armory sells foam swords for like $50 each. Get some friends, get everybody a mask and a boffer and get to it! This is how HEMA as a hobby started -- people messing around with foam trainers and a copy of a 16th century arms manual.

6.5) I'm sparring outside of a club -- should we use synthetics, wood, or steel?

Dude, just use foam until you can get a complete steel kit. Keep in mind: synthetics can be as dangerous as steel, wood is MORE dangerous than steel, and steel requires full safety kit for full speed sparring. Don't break your fingers because you wanted to look cool. These things HURT, and can cause serious injury unless used with intention.

7) should I buy a sword?

If you're with a HEMA school, they will have their own cadence for buying gear, and the sword is usually the last thing you get. You should only buy a federschwert (training sword) once you know your style and sword preference. If you're not following a club cadence or planning to attend a tournament, Do Not buy a steel weapon. A full steel spar kit costs like $800 dollars, and without a full safety kit all you have is a $300 wall ornament nobody can use.

And don't buy a blunt, please. Beginners love blunts because they look like "real swords". They also break bones. Federschwerts are standard in the community and nobody is going to think you’re cool for showing up with a weapon designed to snap someone's humerus in half. If you're that twisted about it, Sigi forge sells schiltless feders that look like "real" swords (a feder is a real sword, but I digress).

8) what safety gear should I buy?

Every club and tournament has its own recommendations. Look at the Mid-Continental HEMA Open rules for a very standard list of gear reqs for a reputable tournament. Generally, in this order, it's:

-mask (don't point a sword at anyone without one of these on)

-chest plastron (for preventing unfortunate accidents that might send shards through the lungs)

-gorget (rigid or semi-rigid)

-hardshell gloves (don't do lacrosse gloves or other soft gloves for longsword, you'll break your fingers)

-puncture-resistant jacket

-forearms/elbows

-shins/knees

-back of head protector (concussions bad)

-pants/skirt

-sword

I probably missed something but these are the most common questions-- fellow HEMAists or interested parties, lmk if I missed anything! Happy fencing!

[skepsiss]

Modern Problem, Modern Solution pt3

Steddie fic, this is the 3rd part of the mini-series (I guess?) that I'm writing. This is the one where Eddie pretends to be a vampire for fun. More just Eddie being awkward as all hell and teens being teens. The next part (pt4) has the conflict so hang in there angst lovers.

PT1 PT2 PT4

--

Eddie chewed his nails as he stood outside the classroom in the mostly empty hallway at school. It was 3:30 and he was debating if he wanted to risk stepping into the club room or not. So, he chewed and chewed on his nail until he bit the top off and then spat it into the nearby bin, not paying attention to whether or not it made it in.

The door before him was decorated with rainbow paper that blocked the little window to see into the classroom. It was an old craft that had obviously been there for too long judging from the faded quality of the coloured parchment. It was Mrs. Goodwin's classroom, but that wasn't why Eddie was there, she just happened to be the "support staff" that advocated for the LGBT-Alliance club. Every club needed an "advocate" even if the teacher didn't participate in anything related to the club after it was made. Hellfire's club was "officially" endorsed by the school's drama teacher, Mr. Lobuskwits, but Eddie could count on one hand how many times he had actually spoken to the guy.

No, Eddie was here–and currently stressing out over whether or not he wanted to take the last 3 steps to walk into the club room–because he was trying to decide if he wanted to join in today. He had been thinking about it for a week or more now and he hated _why_ it had been on his mind. He hadn't a real interest in the club activities, but a part of him felt drawn to supporting some of the members–okay, well, maybe just one of the members. He had convinced himself that he felt bad for Steve being the oldest boy in the club with no one else to really relate to. He seemed to get along fine with Robin–Steve also had sports and Eddie seemed to remember he was part of the Key Club or something–but there was something different about getting to know someone close to your age that also happened to have similar lived experiences.

Who was he kidding? He and Steve lived leagues apart from one another, their lives were completely different, but Eddie couldn't help but feel a certain kind of kinship with Steve Harrington. Eddie had never really had another boy his age around that was also queer. It felt like a friendship that could maybe work out... a type of friendship Eddie had only momentarily glanced at on social media and online forums.

Eddie grumbled to himself and wiped his hands on his pants before finally taking the plunge and letting himself into the room.

Robin was standing at the front of the classroom and everyone else was spread out casually in either the desk seats or up against the wall. It was informal while also having a semblance of structure. Robin paused talking for a moment as Eddie walked in, and everyone half turned to see what the disruption had been–which made Eddie's hair stand on end. But that stopped soon enough as Robin flashed him a quick smile before continuing to talk.

"Okay, refocus. Alright, so that's what we're considering. We just have to figure out what we want the exact acronym change to be." 

She blathered as Eddie quietly found himself a seat in the back of the room until the conversation was over. He didn't know what they were talking about, but there was humming and hawing from everyone before some girl Eddie didn't know spoke up.

"LGBTQ plus alliance?" She asked, or more suggested Eddie guessed.

"You're missing like a bunch of people though," another girl chimed in, sounding annoyed, "we want people who are intersex or asexual to feel welcome too, don't we?"

"LGBTQIA plus?" Will commented, making brief eye contact with Eddie to acknowledge that he saw him. It was a friendly look and Eddie half smiled back before his attention drifting.

This was the kind of stuff he liked to avoid. He didn't understand why they had debates over these things, but they seemed to be wondering if they should change the club name to be more inclusive or whatever. He was behind it in theory, but he hated having to actually put in the effort to figure out what the best thing to do was. Still, it was a good idea at its core, just not an idea that made Eddie want to pay attention.

So instead, his eyes drifted and he caught himself staring at Steve who was leaning with his arms crossed against the wall watching Robin. He wasn't chiming in, but he seemed to be listening. It was sort of hard to miss Steve with how brightly he was dressed–he was wearing a striped white and blue shirt that was partly covered by an open red button-up and gray pants. The red was this deep colour and it stood out rather charmingly against the muted tones of his shirt and pants.

The debate continued and Steve turned to look at Eddie who instantly tensed as they made eye contact. Steve seemed to consider for a moment, looking back at Robin before quietly leaving to walk to the back of the classroom where Eddie was.

"Hey," he whispered, obviously trying not to disrupt the conversation they were having at the front of the class.

"Hey..." Eddie replied, sitting up a bit as Steve took the seat beside him so they could talk in hushed tones.

"We're talking about renaming the club, just like... I guess looking for suggestions to be on the ballet or something," Steve offered as an explanation. Eddie had figured that out already, but he nodded anyway as he clasped his hands together on top of the desk.

"The acronym is too long," Eddie sighed lightly, not wanting to disrupt the room for once. He felt weird sitting here with Steve though, both comforted and anxious about their proximity.

"We should just call it the Alphabet Mafia and be done with it," Eddie joked lightly which surprisingly got a quick bark of a laugh from Steve.

Everyone turned to look at them both and Steve covered his mouth, waving their attention off.

"Sorry, sorry," he exclaimed, putting his hands up in an apologetic way. The room went back to discussing and Steve sat back, crossing his arms again as he smiled.

"You've never heard that before?" Eddie asked, feeling the swell of anxiety be replaced with glee at how big Steve's reaction had been.

"No, it's a thing?" Steve asked, looking amused.

Eddie smiled back at him before slumping across the desk and reaching his hands forward– just needing something to do so he didn't go stir-crazy.

"I have much to teach you young padawan," he joked, putting on a bit of an accent but not leaning too hard into the bit.

Steve breathed another small laugh and grew quiet as he sat there. It was a comfortable silence though and one Eddie didn't feel scrutinized while occupying as they sat there.

Steve's phone buzzed and he took it out before tapping away at the screen and half laughing at something before swiping it away. He started to type and Eddie glanced at him, noting the little yellow border and the casual way Steve was acting while he texted. Steve seemed to notice Eddie staring and then waggled his phone at Eddie.

"Do you Snapchat?" he asked, not having any shame in showing Eddie his screen. Eddie hesitated, feeling put on the spot all of a sudden. He wasn't much of a social media guy and only really existed on platforms out of necessity to stay in touch with friends and the likes, but he didn't pay attention to it really.

"Uh, I think so?" Eddie said, taking his own phone out. He felt a bit self-conscious holding his old, beaten-up phone next to Steve's brand-new one. Eddie's screen was smashed in the top corner and you could vaguely see the hint of pink glitter around the edge that was partly covered by Eddie's phone case. He had gotten the phone second-hand from someone else's trade-in, but he had been unable to pick the glitter off the back of it. He didn't like to think about the little girl this phone probably belonged to before he got it.

"I don't use it," Eddie explained, finding the app downloaded in his files and opening it for the first time in ages. He looked at the screen and then shrugged, trying a couple of times at the log-in before getting into his account.

"Take a picture with me," Steve said, already leaning towards Eddie and holding his phone out to take a selfie. He was obviously intent on sending it as a snap to someone, but Eddie blanched and pulled his hair in front of his face.

"No, no, man, don't. I'm good–" Eddie stammered, putting his hand up to cover up the camera. A part of him was flattered so he was still smiling, but the horror he had felt hearing that sentence was undeniable.

Steve stopped, but he gave Eddie a confused look, half laughing as he put the phone down.

"Why?" He asked, finding it a bit amusing no doubt. He could probably see that Eddie was smiling and wasn't taking the whole thing too seriously. 

"Cause I forgot to do my makeup this morning," Eddie squeaked, hamming it up as he put his hand dramatically over his forehead and then turned his shoulder away like a demure lady.

Steve chuckled and leaned forward, pinching his brows in. It was obvious he was willing to accept the answer, but he didn't really get the joke. Eddie had only started to act silly because he felt uncomfortable, but he didn't want to tell Steve the real reason he didn't want his picture taken was because it would be a picture of them... together.

"I just don't really like my picture being taken," Eddie lied, sounding awkward enough that the delivery had been convincing.

"Okay..." Steve agreed, looking away and not pushing the subject. He seemed a bit amused by Eddie's comment–almost in a charmed way–even if Eddie could tell he didn't really understand. Eddie felt his heart twist at that, appreciating that Steve wasn't forcing him even though it was obvious that he was confused.

"You can add me though..." Eddie offered pushing his phone towards Steve and feeling nervous about the whole thing.

Steve huffed a laugh and then sat up again, taking Eddie's phone and starting to type.

"Snapchat kind of involves taking photos of yourself," he teased lightly, and Eddie felt his cheeks go a bit red. This felt so weird... Steve was adding him on Snapchat? What the ever living hell?

"You have Insta?" Steve asked and Eddie looked back at him, feeling a bit shell-shocked.

"Yeah, uh, yeah. But I uh..." he started, feeling like a fish out of water.

"Don't really use it?" Steve asked back, mocking Eddie a bit. Eddie felt his face getting hotter with embarrassment even though he could see Steve shaking his head and smiling. 

"Here," Steve asked, handing the phone back over, "I added myself."

Eddie nodded and took the phone back, looking at the screen and observing the new follower that popped up on his phone as Steve typed away on his own screen. SS.Harrington, it read with a little picture of Steve standing with his back to the camera in his baseball uniform. It was so painfully jock Eddie didn't know what to do. He wasn't even sure what his icon was anymore and he cringed slightly as he checked and saw his own page for the first time in a while. His username was something he had thought up on the fly years ago, MangledMetalMunson, since just Mangled Metal and Metal Munson had been taken and his icon was just a photo of one of his hands covered in rings. Weird... lame. Super lame. 

Eddie pocketed his phone and resigned himself to unpack all of that later as he tried to force himself to look forward again and pay attention to whatever Robin was saying. They were still debating back and forth and Eddie could feel himself getting frustrated by 'this acronym is better' over 'that acronym is too confusing.'

"We should really just drop the acronym," Eddie said quietly, slouching down again and putting his head in his hand. This was boring... and despite getting a chance to talk to Steve some more, he wasn't very interested in staying.

"What do you think it should be?" Steve asked, crossing his arms again and leaning back. He looked suave sitting like that: superior somehow as if he was some noble and the rest of them were peons.

Eddie shrugged and looked forward again, not wanting to get wrapped up in how Steve was posing.

"Just queer or something. Queer Alliance, Queer Club–I don't know."

"Not everyone likes being called... queer though, right?" Steve asked and Eddie noted that there was less hesitation in how he said the word compared to before.

"I guess, but not everyone likes being called gay either, so like..." Eddie half shrugged, hoping he made his point. He would much rather people individually choose what they wanted to be called and then just use the "big bad Q-word" as the universal phrase instead of cringing at it.

"Queer literally just means everyone who isn't cisgender and heterosexual, that's it. It's not that deep. The only people really pushing the 'don't say queer' agenda are people who hate that we can be united by the word and those who have been tricked by those people," Eddie said, sounding bored and a touch annoyed. He believed that pretty strongly actually, and hated that there always seemed to be this 'separation' between all the letters of the LGBTIQIA+ rather than unity. It was important for everyone to have an identity, but not when it created in-fighting.

"GSA!" Eddie yelled from the back of the room without warning, not even bothering to sit up.

Everyone stopped and looked at him, the silence drawing out a bit. It looked like someone was looking for an explanation before Eddie spoke up again.

"Genders and Sexualities Alliance," Eddie explained, sitting up a little now and crossing his arms again, "or Pride Club or something. You're never going to fit everyone into one acronym, so it's better to go broader."

"Okay..." Robin replied, obviously a little annoyed. She didn't seem to dislike the idea but probably wasn't grateful for the way the information was delivered.

"I still like LGBTIQA plus," someone offered which got a murmuring of replies.

Eddie shrugged, not too concerned about the attention being taken away from him again as the club went back to discussing.

"Y'all doing anything else today?" Eddie asked Steve quietly, sounding a bit put out. 

"I don't know," Steve snorted slightly, taking his phone out again and just sort of surfing. 

The next thirty minutes or so continued like that until the group had settled on four options to put on the ballet–two of which Eddie had suggested and that privately made his ego swell–before calling a close to the discussion. They had a week to think it over and then hand in their ballet at the beginning of the next club day before they came to a conclusion.

Much to Eddie's relief though after the discussion the club seemed to devolve into something more fun. Games were brought out and there was a rousing round of Cards Against Humanity that Eddie actually enjoyed. People broke off into little groups after some time and just socialized, with no real structure to it at all. Robin and two other girls–Hannah and Vickie–split off to gather with Steve and Eddie as the club's older members. Hannah was in Steve's grade and rather sporty from what Eddie could tell–volleyball or something–but he had never interacted with her at all. And Vickie seemed to be Robin's age; Eddie could remember vaguely seeing her at a house party or two he had been to in the past. He couldn't be sure, but at the time he had thought she was with a boyfriend and had quietly noted that he seemed like an ass. He was from out of town or something, and seemed to be older than Vickie–maybe out of high school old. He hadn't really liked that all too much, especially since the crowd they were all hanging out with was a bit rougher. That didn't mean much to Eddie himself–hanging out with pot-heads and punks was kind of a given for him–but Vickie was 15 and already seemed to be getting in over her head.

It was an enjoyable visit and Eddie decided by the end of it that he liked Vickie and confirmed that he thought Robin was pretty cool too. She was a nerd and while Vickie seemed to be much softer-spoken and a bit more "basic," she didn't lack interest or involvement in the conversation. Hannah on the other hand felt just too... sporty. It wasn't even like a butch sporty, Eddie couldn't really put his finger on it, but it felt like she just didn't have a ton of options for queer people her age so she hung out here even though it wasn't really her scene. Whatever though, it didn't really matter, Eddie was the odd one out too in this scenario.

Club closed and Robin locked the classroom door as they all left, the younger crowd having filtered out earlier while Steve and Robin had stuck behind to close up. Eddie had lingered and secretly hoped Steve would offer him a ride home again. It felt a bit presumptuous of him, but they lived near one another, and... they seemed to be getting along. Robin had stuck around though and was even bumping shoulders with Steve as they walked out towards the parking lot. It was nice actually. It was nice seeing that Robin and Steve got on so well and Eddie couldn't help but think that Steve’s smile looked a bit more genuine compared to how it was in the hallway when he was talking to his jock friends. 

"You need a ride?" Steve asked, half looking over his shoulder at Eddie. 

"Uh, yeah, sure," Eddie stammered a bit, hands stuffed in his pockets. He had been looking for that question and he privately hoped he hadn't come across as desperate for having hung around. 

"No complaining about what we listen to, Munson," Robin threatened as he trotted towards Steve's car and got to the passenger's side before anyone else could.

Oh, great. Robin was coming too.... Eddie supposed this was their routine after weeks and weeks of club meetings. Steve probably gave her a ride most days. That was nice, but Eddie couldn't help but feel a jealous twist in his gut.

"You're a proper chauffeur," Eddie commented, trying to keep the moodiness out of his tone as he went to the back seat and got in.

Steve shrugged and didn't make a fuss over any of it as Robin fiddled with the radio dial before settling on some kind of pop station. Charming.

Eddie stayed quiet for most of the ride and despite being annoyed that he wasn't up front he had to admit he liked watching Robin and Steve interact. They were both animated and would talk over one another, arguing here and there about nothing in particular. It was fun and had Eddie smiling by the time they got to Robin's place. Even then, Robin had sat in the car for an extra 10 minutes so the two of them could finish their 'fight.' She didn't leave until Eddie chimed in finally.

"Okay, Jesus H. Christ, Buckley," Eddie grumbled in a good-natured way, getting out of the car and going to the passenger's side door. "Get going, Lord, not all of us have until midnight to get to their front porch. I'm sure this conversation can rage on tomorrow."

"Jealous much?" Robin asked, scoffing and crossing her arms. "You're just trying to get Stevie here all to yourself."

Eddie scowled at her, still holding the door open. While that was partly true, it wasn't for anything nefarious and genuinely Eddie was getting bored with waiting in the backseat while Thing 1 and Thing 2 hotly debated whether or not Justin Bieber's "redemption" was real or not. Eddie seriously did not care about celebrity news and had zero interest in learning more. 

Robin did eventually get out and say her goodbyes which had Eddie sighing dramatically before he eventually climbed into the front seat where she had been previously. The first thing he did was turn off the radio and then glance at Steve who was laughing a bit and leaning on his steering wheel. Eddie paused, his stomach turning before dramatically putting his hand to his forehead.

"Aaaalllooooonnnee at llaaaaasssstt," he sang, putting on an exaggerated version of the piece 'At Last' only to realize that the song was something of a love song. 

Steve chuckled anyway, shifting his car back into gear. 

"What?" He asked, looking amused but confused. 

"Etta James?" Eddie asked, lifting a brow at Steve. He was shocked he didn't know the song. It was a classic and even though he didn't listen to a lot of music outside of punk, metal, and rock, he still knew Etta James. 

Steve gave him a confused look, obviously not recognizing the name.

"Come on man," Eddie egged on, "At Last by Etta James. Release in 1960? You gotta know her, it's like... a really popular song."

"A popular song in the 60s? You know I wasn't alive, right?" Steve teased back which got an eye roll from Eddie in return.

"Har, har, and I was?"

"How am I supposed to know?" Steve quipped, driving off towards the trailer park, "I'd believe it if you told me you were a vampire."

Eddie snorted, leaning back in his seat before taking his fingers and putting them up by his mouth to mime fangs.

"Ah, yes, it is I–you have discooovered by deeeepest secret. I, Edward Munson, am in fact a vam-PIRE! And I simply love attending high school like a freaking weeeeiirdo as if I lived in Grand Forks. Curses, you must keep my secret Steben, for I know where-ist you liiiiive," Eddie joked, putting on an over-the-top Transylvanian accent which spurred a laugh from Steve in turn.

Eddie smiled at him before lowering his hands, feeling pleased with himself.

"Grand Forks?" Steve asked for clarification, pinching his brows together.

"Yeah, Twilight or whatever," Eddie answered before pausing for a moment, "I think it's Grand Forks? Maybe just Forks? I don't know man, I never actually read or watched the damn thing. Kind of ruined vampires in my opinion."

Steve laughed a bit again, obviously not having much of an opinion on the matter. The Twilight movies had been pretty big in the last couple of years and it was hard to avoid retaining at least some knowledge about it. Still, Eddie had avoided the books and the movies like the plague and had felt pretty strongly that Twilight truly had ruined the legitimately cool image that most fantasy vampires had before they sparkled and crap. 

"Ruined vampires, huh?" Steve asked, sounding entertained by the idea.

"Oh, shut up, vampires are cool–or were cool, whatever," Eddie quipped back, crossing his arms and looking out the window. Honestly, he was a bit embarrassed for having gone on about vampires and nearly sung a love song to Steve. He liked that Steve was friendly, but he sort of forgot that they weren't really friends and his usual weird antics might not be cool to bring around this space, yet. 

"Name one," Steve said suddenly and Eddie looked at him with shock. He was being invited to talk about vampires of all things? Did Steve even care? Or was he just on an argument kick from his conversation with Robin?

"And it can't be Dracula," Steve explained further, the two of them starting to get close to the trailer park.

"Oh, I can't comment on thee classic vampire, and I only get like 5 minutes to convince you?" Eddie asked, smiling despite himself.

"Tick-tock, Munson," Steve sighed sarcastically.

"Fine–jeez. Uh, vampire? Well, we can get all into Buffy the Vampire Slayer if you want–and no, it's not just about killing vampires. Some vampires are pretty chill, good even, but you've got Camilla and Spike–"

"Spike?" Steve interrupted, laughing incredulously. 

"Don't! His name is stupid, I get it, but he's pretty cool. Him and Angel are–"

"Angel?"

"Oh, shut up! Angel is a bit of a priss until he turns evil, but Spike is like kinda evil but then a begrudging good guy. Anti-hero style," Eddie could see his trailer coming up, and felt pressed to explain in length why Spike was a cool vampire after all. 

"Okay–I'll just leave with like, my fav line he's ever said. Classic really," Eddie was unbuckling as Steve crept up towards his place, still looking amused.

"So he's like going by Buffy's house or whatever and she comes out all accusatory and is like 'what are you doing here?' and before he can answer she cuts him off and is all 'explain in five words or less.' So, Spike–who dresses like a total punk by the way, bleach blonde hair and red leather jacket and stuff–looks so put-out and lifts his hand and goes: out for a walk... bitch," Eddie explained, half posing and delivering the line with the same level of enunciation Spike originally used in the show. 

Steve snorted slightly, pinching his brows together at Eddie's rushed explanation, watching him. Eddie wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not, but Steve seemed entertained at least.

"Sounds... interesting," he finally said and Eddie could tell he wasn't actually all that interested.

"Whatever man, you have to see it. If you ever have time, I highly recommend 'What We Do in the Shadows.' It's a mockumentary about vampires in New Zealand and it's genuinely hilarious,"  Eddie said, trying to cover his anxiety with a hand wave as he let himself out of the car. 

"Okay?" Steve answered, confused in the same way he had been when Eddie explained why he didn't want his picture taken.

"It's good, trust me," Eddie huffed, half hanging out of the door of Steve's car.

"Alright, man. Let's watch it sometime then," Steve offered nonchalantly. 

Eddie didn't process the offer right away, too busy trying to get his limbs to work properly so he could climb out of Steve's car without face-planting. He was standing with the door open before he realized what had been said and he had to bend over to look at Steve inside the front of the cab. 

"What?" Eddie asked, knowing full well what he had heard, but not really believing it.

"Yeah, we'll watch it sometime or whatever," Steve repeated, not even looking at him as he adjusted his stick shift.

"Oh... sure," Eddie replied a bit weakly before swallowing thickly. He had been lingering for too long already, and he felt self-conscious about prolonging Steve's stay any longer. 

"Well, later then," Eddie concluded, carefully shutting Steve's door and hovering for a moment before Steve pulled away. It wasn't night this time so Steve didn't really need to wait for Eddie to get inside–not that Steve really had to wait at all for something like that. Well, maybe for girls he guessed....

Eddie covered a flush as he walked to his front door considering the fact that usually you'd wait for someone to get inside if you were either their parent or their date. It was something you did for girls you took out to make sure they didn't get jumped going to their house at night, which... sort of made Eddie feel soft for some reason. It wasn't like Steve was teasing him or calling him weak, maybe it was just habit, but Eddie couldn't deny that it had been a vaguely romantic gesture.

Eddie shook the thoughts off as he rolled his shoulders and walked to his room. He felt utterly stupid and he hated that he wanted to impress Steve. Maybe impress wasn't the right word, but he wanted Steve to like him. It felt like such a desperate plea for a friendship and he quietly wondered if he was barking up the wrong tree. He wasn't going to college next year–he wasn't even going to apply, he couldn't afford tuition and there was no reason to go into debt over a degree he didn't want–which meant he was stuck in Hawkins for a while yet. Sure, he wouldn't get as many opportunities to meet guys his own age he didn't already know sticking around here, but it sort of felt lame to be holding out for a friendship with Steve. They really didn't have anything in common. He wouldn't be trying so hard if Steve wasn't so... nice. Like he was surprisingly nice and Eddie wondered idly if he had always been this nice or if that was a new thing that came along with coming out.

PT4

[verdemoun]

timewarp au going to pride:

jake adler has bi wife energy set to his ringtone. king of bead bracelets. he made them himself and hands them out with dangerous enthusiasm. will see somehow hitting on sadie (who is very thank you cutie but i'm married) and be like hello friend i also think my wife is beautiful stunning perfect human being have a bracelet. sadie is also dressed like a cliche tucked in plaid shirt cuffed jeans doc martens finger guns sweeping her husband off his feet and kissing him

bill has the tiniest pride flag but absolutely glared and intimidated his way to the front of the barriers and forgets to blink while watching the march. malfunctions when men actually flirt with him and has to sit down like his self-esteem is so low pls help him. gets called handsome and has to hold a water bottle to his head because world is spinning, does not know how to respond.

kieran and javier are taking turns annoying people with 'whats in your pants' memes intentionally put the weirdest things in their pockets like someone asks their gender and 'oh look three buttons a can of tuna and an opened pack of gum. who wants gum?' labels are too overwhelming they both identify as queer there is nothing cishet about either of them. crying over margaritas together why are we single when every single person in the world is so hot?

arthur and charles keep going on stranger missions to help find lost pins, escorting the youth to the <18 events and handing out water bottles. arthur does struggle with getting mistaken for a right-wing protestor because big scowl-y muscle tall white man with old timey cowboy hat and needs charles to rescue him from getting yelled at because he is too polite to interrupt people.

hosea and bessie were meant to be supervising dutch and bessie had way too much fun explaining this is my husband and my husband's boyfriend. hosea fumbling trying to explain he's not my boyfriend i love my wife. meanwhile dutch escapes and bessie and hosea both just sit down like oh no. this is. bad.

dutch is attracted to the sound of angry shouting like a moth to flame. micah (who does support the gays because his grand-nephew is gay (kai is not gay but is glad the misunderstanding has lead to micah being a better person)), isaac, jack and dutch all put aside their differences for one day and will get arrested for assault and 'infringing on the right to protest' while physically fighting bigots.

annabelle and susan are wearing their 'dutch van der linde made us lesbians' shirts while also holding 'we exist' banners and people think they assume they're referring to vintage lesbians but of course they mean lesbians throughout history including 19th century and long before they have always existed and always will go sapphos

abigail is going out of her way to break hearts she is calling people gorgeous and kissing their cheeks before running off like a manic pixie dream girl to continue the mission to fight whoever it was that gave john their number. john does not understand phone numbers he's being given scraps of paper with numbers on them wondering if it's some kind of encrypted treasure map. also he's genuinely afraid of furries. hiding behind his wife what the fuck are those.

[bcolfanfic]

hi hi! I’ve been reading all your young vets HC, do you have anymore about rosie and Aiden?

aiden and wosieeee!!!! my babies!!! yes i do!!! have posted this before but just for ref again this is what aiden looks like in my head.

i’ve covered this before but aiden is curt's childhood friend that curt set rosie up with when he was like okay maybe its not that you're bad with woman maybe you dont LIKE women

worked out though <3

aiden has um some of curt's special (terroristic) tendancies lmfao. they grew up together. they are life long friends for a reason. he’s been around the block in the nyc queer community, for lack of a better word.

but rosie mellows him out a little. dating someone with a little daughter will do that to you <3

funny bc he didn’t even want kids like- at all. only even let curt set him up with someone that had one because he didn’t think it would be anything serious.

*loud incorrect buzzer*

was just so enamored from the first dateeee but how nervous and sweet and nerdy rosie was.

and by how when he took him home he finished in his pants and was so apologetic and embarrassed about it that he almost cried lmao.

curt is proud of his foresight in setting them up for the rest of his fucking life. runs that victory lap foreverrrrr.

but yeah. aiden loves the boy bad.

always finding excuses to hang out and like it’s talked about in my recent blurb- tries to go out of his way to include naomi in things too which goes right to rosie’s heart.

rosie also falls hard pretty fast which he struggles with a little. just. scared it’s inevitable that he’s gonna scare him off or turn him off or something. realizes he’d be heartbroken if this didn’t work and is like ohhh no.

there are some. growing pains re: aiden not having a military background and feeling a little out of his depth trying to help him with his hurts from the war.

feels like anything he says or does is going to be Wrong and is scared of making it worse somehow. but talks to curt about it which helps him at least figure out an Approach for next time it comes up.

a lot of rosie’s trauma is surrounding nash’s death (background being: nash started spiraling after some kids he bonded with in the area were killed. went out to smoke in a high risk area that people weren’t supposed to but did anyways now and then. got argumentative when people were like hey man go somewhere else, stayed up there and ended up getting a sniper round in the skull. both rosie and ev were there and saw it </3)

so it also helps aiden help when rosie is a little more open with him about that. carries a wholeee lot of guilt about it. and has some more ‘niche’ triggers related to it that come up every now and then too. (rachel came up with him getting triggered at aiden’s parents house bc his dad asks him for help with grill stuff and he. has a little Moment he gets real embarrassed about after because does not like raw meat smell or appearance texture)

sweet boy. let your boyfriend that’s obsessed with you help- he loves you!!!

[our-queer-experience]

Idk if you answer asks like this but I figured I'd send this anyway bc even yelling into the void sounds good enough rn.

But basically I'm an afab nonbinary seamster and today I thought about how cool it'd be if I could make myself a cute/ugly ruffly pinafore (basically overalls but with a skirt instead of pants) with mismatched fabric and wear it to school when I move to go to college. And then I remembered how badly I want to come off as androgynous and GNC and it made me upset.

I wanna dress traditionally feminine sometimes but I wanna give off androgynous energy but I also can't come out to my family or go on T rn so I kinda have to signal my gender vibes to other queers in public through my hair and clothing style.

But like God damn do I wanna wear a dress sometimes. In an androgynous way. We so desperately need to de-gender clothing. I know I sound like a parody of a trans person by saying this, but society needs to ditch the whole entire assuming people's gender by how they look kinda thing. I wanna be androgynous in a dress so bad.

i get this. i’m butch, i don’t want to wear a desss, but a lot of my friends do. some of them just feel like a guy in a dress and then other people go and make them feel bad.

in my opinion: your wearing a dress fundamentally helps degender it and i think you should keep doing what you’re doing, but i understand the discomfort.

[cutesharkstudios]

Lumity Comfort Ch. 1: Normal Human Date

(This is a post king's tide, pre thanks to them chapter)

In the Noceda household there are 4 universal truths:

The sky is blue

Water is wet

The MCU is overrated

Luz: (Running through the house like it's falling apart) CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP

And Luz needs to learn when to chill

Camilla walked into her house, noticing her daughter in panic mode. She knew what to do in situations like this. She pulled out a small harmonica and played a single note.

Luz immediently stopped, as that note put her at ease even in her most stressed. She turned and saw her mom, looking peaceful and calm, with a warm smile.

Camilla: Mija, calm down, whatever is stressing you will be okay.

Luz: Okay, sorry, I'm just really stressed for my date with Amity tonight. This is my first date and I want it to be perfect.

Camilla: Aye, I've been there. You should have seen me on my first date. I was practically sweating stress.

Luz: I promised her that we would have a normal slice of life date, free from the stress while we fix the portal door. I just want her to be happy after all that's going on.

Camilla: Hey, just don't lose sight of the reason why you are doing this, to spend time with her. Dios mio, you should have seen me on my first date. I practially fell asleep in my food because I lost so much sleep planning.

Luz: Right, I just need to make sure my clothes and gift are ready and I will be set.

Camilla: Don't worry, you're a Noceda, you got this.

Luz: Thanks mom, and thanks for being cool with me liking girls.

Camilla: I know my side of the family is a bit more on the conservitive side, but I havn't heard anything homophibic from them yet. I'll float the idea their way of being cool with queer people, and God willing pave a way for you coming out to them. If that's cool with you.

Luz: I'd like that. (Hugs her mom)

Camilla: Now get ready, you have a date to prepare for. That and I need the laundry room for my uniform, delivered to SO many puppies today.

Meanwhile, in the girls' room of the house, Amity is being dressed up by Willow. She ultimately decided on a cute purple dress with sequens and a pink belt. She also had her hair in a massive bow with the lesbian pride flag.

Amtiy: I'm so nervous. I've never been on a date before.

Willow: Neither have I, but don't worry, knowing you two it will go smooth.

Amity: I just love her so much. She brought me out of my horrible life and gave me a new future. I want to be with her forever. I have so many questions about the future I want to ask her about.

Willow: Well I'm glad you're much happier. And I'm glad to be your friend again.

Amity: Hey Willow?

Willow: Yeah?

Amity: I'm sorry. First for the crap I pulled when we were kids, second for the bullying, and lastly for trying to erase the memories of my actions instead of confronting them.

Willow: Compared to Bosha, I'd say that isn't too bad. You were pressured into doing those things, Bosha had no excuse.

Amity: Well, I still want to make things right. Just ask me when you need me.

(knock knock)

Amity: Come in.

And there stood Luz, wearing a suit top and black pants. Instead of a white shirt under her tux, she had a bi pride shirt, showing that she was no longer afraid to be herself.

Amity blushed, but not her usual bob-the-tomato-would-be-proud blush, but a lighter gentle blush, as the luz of her life look so pretty and happy.

She held her hand with Luz, and the two went to their first ever date.

[alexawynters]

Question to the trans men out there, I am in need of some advice, please!!!

(People from home I think I cleared you out but if I missed you and you see this post - no you didnt)

So this is probably weird and please don't judge me, but.. how did you always know you were a guy? How did you know, did you feel like you were trapped in the wrong body, or were there other clues?

Just asking because.. well.. just for some background, I am afab lesbian, but when I was little my daycare once asked me which Disney character I'd like to be and I apparently said "Aladdin ", and I think about that a lot.

I also think about how I always felt wrong growing up, and then I learned about lesbians and I thought "oh I'm not in the wrong body, I'm just a lesbian".

But.. I don't know? Haha. Weird. My friends say I'm way too feminine in my mannerisms to ever be a dude the few times I've jokingly brought it up. Not sure if that's just the patriarchy and toxic masculinity or if they're right and I'm just super confused lol 🙃 I will absolutely give them that I do have what are considered to be feminine mannerisms and I am absolutely very in touch with my emotions (I will cry at the drop of a hat - I'm squishy, don't yell at me).

I've always been friends with girls, I've always liked/loved girls. I know for a fact I'm attracted to women, and I'm not overly fond of men. The few male friends I have are usually trans men, or gay men, but even they are few and far between.

I love video games, I love adventurous things like horse back riding or going to the shooting range, but I also love when my girl friends want to come spill the tea, I get super giddy, like come on girrrlll, spill! He said wHAT?! The AUDACITY!

But also I hate my body. Total body dysmorphia, I cry and vomit when I have to look in the mirror too long. To be clear this is not just because I am over weight although that certainly doesn't help. My tits are DDD and I mean they're fantastic if I wanna wear a blouse (barf), but if I wanna wear a t-shirt it makes like this weird shelf I hate it.

I look at men's bodies, even those not super fit, and I'm envious. The jaw, the shoulders. The fit of the clothes, ughhh I wish my clothes fit ME like that! I've tried! Multiple exercises, I've seen masc women say get rid of your curves to help build that physique but it never seems to do the job. Everyone compliments me on my highly hourglass figure. I hate it.

I see tiktok and Tumblr posts of trans men who are almost fully transitioned, and they look so happy in themselves, so confident. They look like how *I* want to look.

Growing up, any time I tried to wear anything I felt remotely comfortable in, my mother would say I looked like a "dyker-biker" (wtf even is that insult, mom???). Which isn't inherently anything bad, but the way she said it always made me feel like I should be ashamed, so I feel like I learned to avoid wearing the clothes I actually wanted to wear.

I hate dresses and skirts. I don't care what temperature it is outside. I would rather die than wear either. Shorts, pants, or nothing.

I've sort of tried to broach the topic with friends as I mentioned, and they always say I'm too feminine, or I would have to be gay (no offense men, no thank you). Don't get me wrong our entire friend group is queer lf some sort with the exception of two token straight friends, so the topic should be safe with them if I qanted to bring it up more seriously. But the brushing it off has me terrified. They used to talk about a former friend of ours for example when we were in college and you know figuring ourselves out, who used to waffle between their identity and we all (I'm ashamed to say I went along eith it) said they were just doing it for the attention or to go with the flavor of the month.

Well.. I don't want them to think that about me. Karma is a bitch haha. Especially not my best friend. She's been my best friend for almost two decades, we've had ups and downs, we've grown, we've been through everything together. She's like my sister. I don't know what I would do if I figured this out, made some decision, and lost her because of it.

I know that's doing her and our friendship a disservice, we have grown, we aren't in hs or college anymore. She is the most caring and understanding person I've ever met, but I'm so, so scared.

That's not even to speak of my family. My mother took twenty five years to properly accept that I'm gay. She nearly crashed the car when I first came our (not my best timing tbf). My mother and I have finally made great strides in repairing our relationship, I'm not sure I want to rock the boat with even trying to figure this out.

I thought when I moved from Mississippi to Denver that I would leave everything and everyone behind and start over completely so I could figure this out. That didn't happen because life is fucking expensive and I ended up moving with some friends back home, I haven't really made any new friends and I certainly haven't let go of the old. I'm terrified to explore any of this, but I'm so tired of feeling miserable and not feeling like I'm myself. I don't know who that person is yet but I'm 34 and I want to finally finally figure that out and then be them.

So I guess I'm wondering, how do you know? How do you know who you are? And is it possible that I could just be a straight man in a woman's body? While still maintaining my mannerisms? Or maybe I'm just supposed to be a butch 'bean? But that doesn't feel right either. Idk lol pls send help haha I'm not crying while I write this or anything it's fine.

Also sorry this is all over the place.

[play-now-my-lord]

Could you explain your "[dodges rotten fruit being thrown at me]" comment about being invested in in transfeminism in the early 2010s? I don't have the context for it, and I suspect many others don't.

in general, in that historical moment tempers were extremely high and many things were said in the heat of passion that were extremely stupid. for my own part i generally regret being up to my nose in Gender/Oppression Discourse in the early 2010s and mostly remember it for the dumbassed and ignorant things I had to say when cornered.

the post was something about the cis queer use of asab language, which was highly controversial in the 2010s for a mix of bad and good reasons, but which was also radically different than the current standard. I don't think "it's a backhanded way to ask what's in your pants" was a correct take at the time, considering cis people didn't use that language and trans people didn't use it in that way, but it certainly has become correct in the last 4-5 years now that the average post gesturing to "amab" or "afab" people seems to primarily refer to cis people with a misgendery side of trans ones

[oldfangirl81]

Anyone else thinking about their coming out story?

Teenage/early 20s me = a very good ally, heteroflexible, open minded

Mid 20s/early 30s = bisexual, what's in their pants doesn't matter to my interest

30s onward = asexual, biromantic

Did anyone else have MySpace as part of their story?

I have a friend who has always been more conservative than me. I was considered a bad influence at times during our teen years because I was a feminist. Tales for another time.

Anyway in college she got together with a guy who was all the bigotry. Anyway, at the time she wouldn't add me to her MySpace because "you have freaks for friends who might want to be my friend". I was hurt but went home trying to figure out what she meant. (I'm lousy at confrontation in person).

The only common thing I could see on the ones she didn't already know was they were queer and I had bisexual listed as my sexuality. I'd know her over ten years at that point. I stayed up all night crying.

Dad saw me in the morning and asked what was wrong.

"Jane isn't accepting that I'm bisexual and friends with gay people online."

"You're bisexual?"

"...I thought you knew?"

"I did." Mom piped up. "The Angelina Jolie crush made it obvious."

"Oh. Well I don't care who you date as long as they're Jewish." (It was a long running joke because Mom converted but he later made sure I knew he wouldn't care as long as I was happy).

So for a couple years I had very limited contact with Jane. We'd meet up and part of the conversation was always the same.

"Are you still doing that bisexual thing?"

"Uh, yeah."

"And your parents are still okay with it?"

"Yup. Mom bought me a cherry chapstick recently in her odd supportive way."

Eventually the relationship with the bigot ended badly for Jane. During her divorce recovery she got close to a bunch of drag queens and other LGBTQ folk.

I didn't know any of that at the time. Imagine my surprise after years apart we meet up. I expected the same frustrating questions. Instead my friend is using terms like "top/bottom" correctly with no judgement.

I've been lucky in my coming out experiences. But then I also never told my paternal grandparents about it. I doubt they would have been happy. But that is also a whole other drama tale.

Anyway, yay for Evan Buckley going on his first queer date in his 30s.

[purpledumass]

This made me think of something that happened recently.. Me and a friend of mine recently looked through my parent's old cd's, the few that survived at least, to try and watch, mind you she was at my house for the first time and we tried to play multiplayer on ratchet and clank, on my ps2, but it didn't work. So we decided to do something else, and so, we looked at the dvds we had.

(Mind you, I have a few that are quite hilarious in concept, such as..The bee movie..The mummy.. which is, where I'm leading this story towards.)

I did not have the all popular 'The mummy" movie, I had "The Mummy2", specifivally, by David Decoteau, and even more specifically, really badly voiced over in french.

Now, if you were to be from an older generation, it mught not struck you as a queer movie. Although, if you were an older gentleman, that so happened to not exactly know of your sexuality, then you might find this movie to be some sort of awakening.. And if you were from my generation, (younger, with more access to queer information), and not know David Decoteau's works, then the movie slowly turns into a spiral not so hidden sensual hylarities. Especially when you realize that it was made for queer people, specifically closeted gay men.

If you don't know David Decuteau's works, he has said himself in an interview that the movies he makes are specifically targeted to gay men, younger or older, that might not have realized their sexuality yet. What was hylarious to me and my friend was not the fact that this was a queer movie, but the process of realizing it was one, all the while I had to translate to my friend, who does not speak french, most sentences. I had to pause often, to laugh, and try and explain to her what they said. At first it was alright, until it slowly started to look like it was a porno film. We laughed about it until it looked like more of a gay porno film. One of the characters, a man, said, with fear yet..Sounded more like he was panting.. and I quote (translated from french, so it might not be accurate to the english version), "A black spider....A..Big...big...Black............Spider..." At this point in the movie we had to pause and I had to ask my friend to look up the writer. This man has stated in an interview that he indeed made his films for undiscovered gay men, one of the inspirations he had was the movie "The Gay Deceivers", If you don't know, the famous quote from that movie is quite recognizeable.. Though do know that these movies are quite low budget and I'd even say bad, especially the french dub, but extrordinairily amazing and I recomment everyone to watch it (especially without telling your friends it's not just a horror movie, absolutely would ruin the fun of watching them slowly realize this is not just a bad horror movie but gay cockbait horror movie. I'd also recomment looking at the other movie titles he's directed and written, I had a blast looking at all the slightly hinted gayness of all these movies. Which, from his wikipedia page, under the "career" section, states that he has "directed 102 motion pictures between 1986 and 2014". He still directs movies to this day, by the way. I absolutely love that.

“what’s your guilty pleasure?” queer coded eighties movies. next question

[utilitycaster]

@spiderdreamer-blog I hope you don't mind me spinning off on this because I agree, and I have some unsubstantiated thoughts as to why. For what it's worth, it's common across fandom spaces; it's not specific to any one fandom.

Anyway. I think a lot of young people, especially young queer people, with politically conservative and often right-wing religious (usually but not exclusively Evangelical Christian) parents have, understandably, found a haven in fandom. Unfortunately, they have not yet learned how to actually interrogate their beliefs or look at things from a nuanced perspective, only to do a simple swap of what's Good and what's Bad (eg, used to be that God was Good and The Gays were Bad and now that's flipped, rather than like, a mature and complex approach to religion and sexuality and morality.)

(putting the rest under a cut because this is long as fuck and as stated, ultimately an unsubstantiated rant.)

The reason I think it's particularly pronounced in Evangelical Christians, at least among Americans, is that they can both leave and not leave in a way that say, an ex-ultra-Orthodox Jewish person (of whom I, as a Jewish person who was raised in a much more mainstream and moderate denomination, know quite a few) cannot. If you leave a small minority religion within your area, you are forced to undergo profound culture shock to survive. An ex-Evangelical in America, unless they were truly in an extremist cult to the point that like, women wearing pants is shocking to them, can remain in a kind of in-between state indefinitely.

I think it's gotten worse recently because of both the extreme and rapid polarization and subsequent insularization (that's not a word but you know what I'm getting at) caused by the Republican Party's descent into Christian fascism that's been going on for some time but rapidly accelerated in 2016; and the fact that the pandemic plus tiktok plus internet access in general have made it easier and at times preferable to only engage with likeminded online communities, whereas if you, well, go outside and touch grass, you will meet people who are largely on your side but still at times disagree with you, and this will speed up the process of developing critical thought.

Since we're talking about fandom here, you can also throw in the Geek Social Fallacies as a complicating factor - replace "ostracizer" with "person asking for some actual complexity" or "criticizer".

Also, I don't think everyone engaging in this behavior is from this particular background; I think that you also get newer people, especially young people new to fandom, who see this kind of behavior and don't realize how fucked up it is and just think it's the norm.

Anyway, things this explains:

In general:

What I like to call the people who think the B in LGBT stands for blue hair people: people who have never actually talked to queer people outside of fandom or learned any meaningful history/differences or evolution in terms and subcultures over the past century. People who don't understand how dramatically better the media landscape has become re: queer rep even in the past couple decades. Which leads to such nonsense takes as "it's queerbaiting to have the Wrong Lesbians Kiss", failure to understand non-traditional relationships, or getting weirdly hostile when people do not immediately equate like, a brightly colored shirt with Being Gay, or conversely getting mad when a canonically queer character doesn't "look queer".

An inability to separate ritual/observance from faith or handle the idea of fictional gods or fictional characters who find comfort in religion. This gets particularly bad in fantasy stories where the idea of physical, objectively real gods is not uncommon.

An inability to separate out what was is overly strict or abusive parental behavior vs just like, parents being imperfect human beings.

The belief that experiencing or enjoying something with behavior that can be deemed "problematic" will infect you with The Problems. Relatedly, the belief that mere depiction of something is glorification (ie, Conservatives:saying a trans person just living their life is glorifying Bad Lifestyles and Corrupting The Youth::The kind of person I'm talking about:saying that if you show violence in media it's Bad to have Shown Bad Things)

Overemphasis on "wholesome", uplifting, and unchallenging material. I wish everyone who legitimately thought that saying fix-it-fics are good actually because it's inherently and objectively better to show a character living than dying a very grow a fucking brain.

Being fucking weird about the concept of redemption arcs and seeing redemption either as a binary (redeemed/not redeemed) or alternately as something you must constantly and endlessly self-flagellate over until you die instead of just like, an ongoing process during which you may also live a normal life. (FWIW the reason I think people are SO weird about these is because they still only really understand redemption as Being Saved but since they no longer really believe in that specific process they sort of short circuit.)

Trusting charismatic individuals who reaffirm your beliefs instead of understanding how to do research and verify sources. (terrifyingly, not limited to fandom).

Basically, if someone sounds like they're proposing an even more severe Hayes Code, except it's gay and anticapitalist? Chances are this is precisely what's up.

I think it also might be behind the following behaviors:

I know I've been on this a lot but spamming tons of people with the same claim. Real knocking on my door asking me if I've heard the good news or informing me while I am literally just taking an elevator that Jesus loves me energy. (The fact that the specific person who I think keeps doing this is obsessed with penance is also contributing.)

Freaking out when people don't agree, due to a mindset that does not have room for doubt or dissent.

Anyway I do think a lot of people, as they finally break free and go to college or go to their first job and get therapy and meet people with different perspectives, unlearn these behaviors, but there's still that constant influx of new young people who act like this. And, unfortunately, because this mindset is somewhat tautological (I am good therefore what I like is good->if the thing I liked does not reflect my belief it is not good->beliefs reinforced), without that outside real-world influence you do get people who are just...stuck.

[jaedreaminn]

Office Wars

Pairings: fem!reader x Jaemin

Theme: Fluff, Mild Jealousy, playful arguments, light crack, humour, protective.

Word count:2.2k

Gist: You were always at each others throats at work and everyone knew that and was used to that but maybe there was more than just the arguments on the surface.

"Ms. Y/l/n you're typing too loudly" Na Jaemin said with his infamous smirk plastered on his face.

A collective sigh was heard across the office. Your colleagues were all used to the usual banter that took place between you and Jaemin, easily being able to tune the noise that followed.

You however found it particularly difficult to avoid the banter when Jaemin picked at you for the most ridiculous of things.

"Oh I'm sorry Supervisor Na I didn't realise your hearing aid was on" You replied, the snark to your tone didn't go unnoticed as Jaemin scoffed but you couldn't be bothered to look away from your work.

"I don't need hearing aid to hear your keyboard being murdered, the poor thing has to recieve the brunt of your anger caused by Writer Kim"

You slammed your hands onto your table and angrily spun your swirling chair in the direction in which Na Jaemin sat.

Your anger doubled as you saw him proudly smirking from his position, knowing you just gave into his taunts but you couldn't care enough since he was the one that made the low blow.

"Don't you ever get tired idoling around and causing your co-workers headaches?" You said to the smug looking boy before getting on your feet and waking to the pantry.

Jaemin smiled as he watched you dissapeare behind the wall that separates the office and the pantry.

You made two cups of coffee, calming yourself before you walked out placing one on Jaemins table and carried the other to yours and got back to your work. At this point the office was slightly accustomed to your dynamics but it still baffled them. No one understood how the two of you worked, one minute you were at eachother throats the next second you were on the same team. And they didn't even try to understand, they just went along with it.

Like right now,

"You're going to be late for the briefing if you don't hurry your pretty little fingers up" you mocked, the cheeky grin plastered on your face clearly showed how amused you were by the fact that Na Jaemin had FORGOTTEN to prepare for today's briefing as your teams supervisors in this small publishing company.

The furiously typying man let go of his lip that was trapped between his teeth to grind them together, eyes wavering for a second to glare at you before focusing on his task at hand.

You cheerily walked away, a skip in your step as you reached the meeting room waiting for your supervisor and CEO to enter, happily chattering with your colleague Joy about the small queer owned business the two of you came across on instagram because of this month.

Soon the CEO stepped in and the room fell quite, Jaemin was still not on his seat but a minute later he walked in apologising for the delay.

A rather short and surprisingly sucessful briefing later you walked back to your desk to finish of what little work you had left before you streched, slightly pushing your chair away from your desk.

"Ready to go y/n?" Joy asked coming upto you and you grinned at her, nodding.

"Don't waste time then c'mon" you heard the annoying voice of Na Jaemin say from behind you and then saw the man in question walk past you. You glared holes into his back and Joy chuckled.

You and Joy continued to chater as you made your way to the restaurant your team always eats at, to find that your entire team was already sitting there.

"I ordered what you asked me to" Your colleague Suho said to Joy who thanked him.

You took your seat inbetween Crystal and Yangyang, which also happened to be directly opposite Jaemin.

"I ordered (insert dosh of your choice) for you" Jaemin told you and the two of your stared at eachother for a few seconds and then you smiled at him thanking him.

Everyone let out a breath they didn't know they were holding at that, expecting you to get mad at him for ordering for you without you asking him to.

The wait for the food to arrive was peaceful, except for the few snark remarks you and Jaemin exchanged but it wasn't something that people weren't used to.

Upon the arrival of your food your eyes lit up. Ever since you were a kid you loved to eat, in fact you were the biggest foodie in your family.

You excitedly picked up your chop sticks ready to dig in before a voice interrupted you.

"Your food isn't going anywhere slow down or you'll burn your tongue." Jaemin said nonchalantly and you ignored him poking out your tongue at him and immediately digging in for a big bite.

As soon as the food touched your tongue you're eyes widened at the sharp sensation caused by the heat immediately dropping the serving back onto your plate as you started to pant like a dog because of the heat.

Yangyang who was next to you noticed, placing a hand on your shoulder and picking up your glass of water with his other hand.

"Careful Y/n" he warend rather uselessly after the deed was done, bringing the cup of water to your lips so that you could wash down the heat with the cooling water.

You drank the water, hands reaching out the hold the cup on your own. Once the burning sensation cooled down, you turned to Yangyang offering him a smile while thanking him.

You're attention then turned to Jaemin who sat infront of you glaring at no one in particular, expecting him to be looking smug.

You shrugged at the change in attitude as you continued your mean, this time blowing on your food before you took a bite.

Not even fifteen minutes later you felt a kick on you shin and then looked up to see Jaemin leaving, you sighed rolled your eyes and finished the food on your plate as fast as you could before dashing out back to the office. No you didn't forget to pay, the meals were handeled by the company.

You reached the office only to find Jaemin sitting on his seat pouting angrily as he typed away. You chuckled, deciding to not indulge him as you walked back to your seat and got on with your work and ignored the way Jaemin looked at you even poutier than before.

Ignoring him was a bad choice since after that he got even more annoying, dropping more files on your desk for you to deal with, making random comments about your corrections, complaining about anything and everything and you just ignored the fussy manchild with an eye roll.

"Y/n we have to go for the mandatory company diner now." Joy said to you and you looked out the window at the end of the office to see the sky becoming a dark orange hue, it was late evening.

"I still have so much to do" you whined, letting your head fall onto your desk with a thud and Joy winced, not knowing what to say.

"Stop whining y/n and just come back and get it done. I have work to do to so I can walk with you back to the office after dinner." Jaemin said walking upto your desk.

You lifted your head sligtly to look at the tall male who was looking at you, waiting for a reply to his question and you sighed head falling between your arms again.

"We have to leave now we don't have forever y/n make a choice" Jaemin said impatiently tapping his foot on the floor.

"Okay let's go!" You said suddenly jumping up and marching towards the exit. Jaemin chuckled and Joy looked at you as if you had grown two heads but then the two of them immediately followed behind you.

The company diner was uneventful. Mr. Choi on of your clients was making what he though to be flirtatious eyes at you again but you only saw it as creepy. But you were still able to enjoy you meal, sitting between Jaemin and Joy, happily chattering away.

After everyone was done eating you knew you couldn't stay to chat and you lifted you phone off the table checking the time and signalling Jaemin who nodded and the two of you bid your goodbyes.

"I can walk you if you want y/n-shi" a rosy cheek and very drunk Mr.Choi said and you gagged.

"It's Ms.y/l/n to you Mr.Choi and there's no need I'm walking her there, making sure our employee feels safe by making sure you're not around them." Jaemin said, eyes glaring daggers and the now offended drunk man.

"You" Mr.Choi yelled pointing his finger and an unimpressed Jaemin "How dare you talk to me like that! Don't you know how important I am to this company" the angry drunk man yelled.

"Mr Choil please stay professional because it isn't that hard to find good writers, especially on to replace you." Your CEO spoke up and you had to hold back a chuckle at Mr.Chois flustered face as his mouth opened and closed not able to form any words.

"If that all we'll be taking out leave." Jaemin said grabbing onto you hand and bowing at your CEO who nodded and quickly dragged you away. You quickly bowed in respects to you CEO too before you were dragged away by Jaemin.

"I felt like punching him" Jaemin said on your walk to the office, hand still holding yours.

"Me too" you chuckled at the fuming male as you walked the rest of the way in silence, hand in hand.

You immediately rushed to you desk upon reaching your office and started typing away and Jaemin lazily strolled to his seat, doing whatever he had to do.

Half an hour later and all you had to do was send out two mails and save the document you were working on, so you let yourself relax alittle slumping back onto your chair. You peaked at what jaemin was doing and smiled. "That's a good score, must have been alot of WORK" you teased and Jaemin looked embarrassed at getting caught.

"I-i was bored okay" he said avoiding your gaze and you smiled.

"Okay"

You crossed one leg over the other, leaning over your desk to send the last two e-mails and save the document you were busy correcting.

Just as you finished with your work and sat up straight Jaemin spoke "You know when a person sits with crossed legs and their legs are pointing towards you that means they like you" he said pointing at your position and you looked down to see your leg was indeed pointing at him.

"That means you like me y/n." Jaemin said cheekily wiggling his eyebrows.

And you looked at him eyes screwed as if you were judging his entire existence, which you were "Jaemin" he hummed in reply still grining, "We're engaged it would be really weird if I didn't like you" You said and Jaemins grin grew even wider and you sighed chuckling at your happy fiance.

"Yea it would be weird" he said sliding his chair towards you, crashing into you slightly and you steadied him.

"Ahh your so cute my y/n" he said pulling you into his arms and plukering his his lips trying to kiss you but you leaned away from him just to annoy him.

"Don't avoid my kisses" he huffed pouting as he tried again but you teased him again avoiding him.

"Yah! You brat give me a kiss!" he yelled and you chuckled turning you head to give him a small peck on his nose but he had other plans immediately moving his face and his lips met yours in a sweet kiss in which you felt yourself melting into. Kissing Jaemin was always calming and he always tasted sweet even thought he drank that disgustingly bitter coffee.

You slowly felt his hands snake behind your head pulling you closer lips moving in sync as he deepend the kiss, your breaths mingled as both of you felt lightweight. You got lost in eachother for a second before you slowly pulled away resting your forehead against his. He smiled at you eyes sparkling in the dim lit room.

"If someone walked in on us right now they'd have a heart attack" Jaemin joked and you chuckled. It was an unspoken rule between the two of you to keep your relationship a secret in the office and you did that by bickering. "We should tell them now though shouldn't we?" You asked and Jaemin pecked you cheek sitting up staright, "Yea and hand them the wedding invites" and you grinned, heat rushing to your cheeks, you never got used to the fact that you were to get married to Na Jaemin, your soulmate.

Needless to say when the two of you told everyone at the office the next day you were pretty sure some of them were this close to having a heart attack. But most of them Congratulated you as you stood hand in hand with Jaemin, grinning like an idiot.

[oatmealaddiction]

I know historical suffrage was obsessed with optics, it's in my opinion a big fault of the movement because it left behind a lot of women that didn't fit the image, because Susan B. Anthony was actually kind of horrible to a lot of the working class, immigrant, and Black women who were also fighting for the vote. That's kind of my overall point about why this rubs me the wrong way. Clothes aren't utilitarian political statements, they're also personal.

When I say "white feminism" I'm using it as a moniker for "exclusionary" or "lacking in other perspectives" because the thing about arguing "being butch was historically bad for feminism" is it lacks nuance into what butch identity is. Namely, it's not something that's exclusively about political statements like burning your bra, it's personal identity. It's not what you wear, it's part of who you are. That's why people like James Barry are important to mention if you're gonna say things about how counterintuitive it was to feminism to put on pants. From a queer perspective, winning the vote is not the reason you wear pants or put on men's clothes. To say all women dressed as men only professionally isn't accurate when you take into account afab people who existed along the lines of gender fluidity and the folks like Barry who essentially transitioned covertly or who lived outside of the bounds of polite society. Those folks would have been immediately ousted from any suffragette ranks along with the other marginalized women and treated as pariahs. While that's true, they still existed and chose expression of self over societal expectations.

While I'm cool talking about how that level of gender expression just wasn't possible for a lot of women, particularly how it doesn't make sense for characters like Jo, what bothers me more is the "wearing pants was bad for feminism, if you wanted to be taken seriously wear a corset," tone throughout, because while true, it positions that as the *point* of masculine dress. It ignores dysphoria and personal comfort and utility and expression of self.

It just strikes me as tone death to only approach this from the perspective of first wave feminism, vs. queer identity when we're talking about masculine dress on women and in Gentleman Jack's case, a historical gnc lesbian. It's taken as only a political move to appear forward thinking as opposed to things like dysphoria or gender identity and I think that's a big gap. If you were going to present Jo as a character on the trans spectrum (which is not a huge stretch) whether or not polite society approves becomes secondary, because what's more important is how Jo would manage dysphoria and self image without becoming socially isolated.

TBC I don't even hate this video, I don't agree with OP's point, I like this vlogger, I just think the way she attacked this topic feels alienating to me, who is a queer woman and is interested in the topic of historical queerness. To me whether or not bloomers were huge with Susan B. Anthony is irrelevant when you take into account young Amelia and her sister delighted to be wearing pants only to have them torn away by hateful people. It's completely possible to work stories like that into stories like Little Women without forfeiting historical accuracy.

While I hate the corset trope, I think it's fair to ask how many women there were historically who were made to feel dysphoric by their dress and how did they deal with that in a much more restrictive society? How do you differentiate that from hacks trying to make a female character look empowered? And I'm glad she lists Gentleman Jack as a positive example, I just wish she didn't take optics as the be all end all in why women dressed the way they did.

the fact two of these are masculine women... die actually

[bermansimon]

Kate Schmidt/female reader

Request

dayy-dreamerrs

dude i have literally no ideas but queer!kate bc im attached to her and im fruity 😩

(sorry this took so long I hope u enjoy!!)

The second Kate passed you the cheerleading outfit, your mind fell into a blissful daze. Briefly, your hands grazed against each other. 

Your pink, increasingly red cheeks didn’t go unnoticed to Kate. Her soft smile made yours only grow, until there is a cough from Simon across the room, smirking at the two of you. 

“Eat shit,” Kate growls, promptly showing her middle finger to him as you stand there, amused. “Sorry, Y/N. Feel free to change in the bathroom, let me know if you need any help and I'll come find you.” 

She smiles, before walking away to Simon. 

You stand there for a moment, watching her, before rushing away to the female bathroom as directed. You laid your backpack on the closed toilet seat, before stripping down your clothes and easily sliding into the blue costume. It hugged your body in a way you hoped Kate’s eyes would stay on you. 

After shoving your previously worn clothes into your backpack, you walked out of the stall and stared in the mirror. The zip at the back wasn’t closed, your pink bra underneath revealed to the other girls scattered around the bathroom. Girls who were too busy smoking, vaping or purely gossiping to notice you were asking for help. 

You sigh, throw your coat on over the outfit, before walking towards the gym once again. This time, all eyes on you. All mouths motioning your name. 

“Kate?” You call out quietly. 

Suddenly, the dark-haired girl jumped out from behind the bleachers, Simon following behind her. She gives you a smile and rushes towards you. 

“You look great!” She beams, “Have you zipped up?” 

“No, I...” Your face went pink, “None of the girls in the bathroom would help me so I just came back here - is that okay? I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t apologise, Y/N.” 

“Okay...” 

You drop your bag and coat onto the ground, before facing the opposite way from Kate. Your eyes are shut. One of her hands rest on your hip, pulling the outfit down and she uses the other hand to push up the zip. 

Once ready, she spins you around and places her hands on your shoulders, your faces just inches apart. 

Kate senses your anxiety, and lowers her arms, “Everything will be okay. Are you nervous about starting cheerleading? It’s really not overly complex.” 

“No, I’m nervous about you..do you think people will judge me?” You end up saying, before covering your embarrassed face. Standing close to you, was Kate. The girl you’ve adored admired for months on end, and you were expressing your concerns about getting bullied. 

Unexpectedly, Kate didn’t laugh. Instead, she wrapped her arms around your waist and rested her chin on your shoulder. “Nobody will judge me when I'm with you. if they do, I’ll murder them.” 

You laugh, “You would murder them for me?” 

“Of course. I would do anything for one of my cheerleaders - we’re like a family now,” Kate pulls away enough for your faces to meet, her hands are still resting on your waist as she smiles at you, “And for the record, I doubt anyone would talk bad about you wearing that. Seriously, you’re making me question myself right now - you look beautiful, Y/N.” 

The bell rang, and you internally thanked it. You and Kate parted ways after sharing one last hug, you couldn't find the words to say anything else. Looking down, you could see your hands were shaking nervously. You take a deep breath - maybe two - before walking in the direction of your next class. 

Everyone was wrong. Kate was seen as heartless, but you knew that was far from the truth. At your audition, when you accidentally tripped over, Kate helped you remain focused and you finished without a second mistake. She helped you with your outfit, made you smile and complimented you so much your knees literally went weak. 

Sitting in geometry, you could see Kate a few rows away. Apparently you shared more classes then you originally thought. Between you sat Deena, who was too preoccupied scribbling notes and sketches back and forth with Sam to notice anything else occurring during the class. 

They came out as a couple the previous year. You almost cried when it happened - because someone was like you. And if Kate stayed friends with them before and after, she had to support that, right? 

Possibly even be apart of that community, you thought to yourself. 

“Y/N,” Kate whispered from her desk, she passed Deena a note, which Deena gave to you with a smirk. 

Your face heats up as you open the note, reading ‘bleachers. 7 - Kate <3′ 

The butterflies in your stomach grow when you look up and see her blowing you a kiss. From the back of your mind you wondered if she was simply being a tease - that she somehow found out about your secret crush and enjoyed pushing you around. Except, her sincere smile made you remember this was Kate, she isn’t a bad person. She’s beautiful and smells like sweet lemons. 

So, you gave her a nod, wordlessly agreeing you would be there. 

- 

You sat on the bench while the cheerleaders danced. Considering it was only your first day - you decided against participating in the big game. Primarily because you were scared of humiliation, but also because you wanted everything to go perfectly for Kate. 

The game is still in progress, twenty minutes remain and you’re sitting under the bleaches as directed, a warm hot chocolate resting in your palms. 

it’s 7:06 and zero sign of Kate. 

Embarrassment infused you when you saw another couple making themselves comfortable metres away, practically dry-humping each other as you sat and drank your warm drink. You decided to wait a few more minutes before you left, when it reaches 7:15 you promised yourself to walk away. 

And by the time 7:15 reached, you were walking out of the bleaches with tears filling up your eyes - she led you on because she had the advantage. 

“Y/N?” A voice, one defiently belonging to Kate called out. 

You looked around and saw her, “What?” 

As a disguise, she wore an oversized jumper, a cap and baggy pants. You barely noticed it was her - but by looking at her pretty smile, it was obvious. 

“I’m sorry I was late, coach was upset,” She walked closer towards you, and sat down on the ground, patting the spot beside her, “And I was getting changed into these clothes...I didn’t want anyone to see me.” 

“Why?” You ask, “Are you...embarrassed of me? Are you embarrassed to be friends with me?” 

Kate tilts her head and frowns, “You know that’s not it. I’m not embarrassed of you, Y/N. I’m...embarrassed of myself. Everybody knows people only come down here to be with the person they like.” 

You stay quiet. 

She continues, “And I like you...I barely know you, but I've seen you. In class, you're always so observant and smart. And when you got nervous talking to me I realised that maybe you're like me - so I made my move. And I showed up late, which I'm sorry for, but I just...I like you a lot.” 

“Do you really?” You smile softly, “Because I like you - a lot - but I don’t want to say anything in case this is some sick prank.” 

Instead of responding, Kate holds the back of your head with her hand and pushes your lips together. It’s soft, unlike the last few guys you've kissed, Kate’s lips weren't chapped or picked at. They're smooth and taste like cherry lip gloss, which she undoubtably uses. 

Kate pulls away, “I'm not interested in girls.” 

You frown, “Then why are you kissing me? Didn't you just confess?” 

Kate smiles, and tucks a loose strand of her behind her ear, “I did, and I like you. I’m not...interested in labelling myself. I’m giving you a warning, I’m not ready for this - for us - to be public. So, if you’re not interested in being a secret for however long...tell me now.” 

Despite how often you've dreamt about walking down the hallway with Kate’s hand holding your own - you remember what it’s like to be afraid of judgement. So, you press one last kiss to her cheek, “I would love to be your secret.” 

“You would?” 

“Yes.”