#if asking whats in your pants is bad for queer people it is Also bad for nonqueers! no one is obligated to that information!

[mantisgodsdomain]

Now that we are being followed by people, we need to make some thoughts and opinions clear so that people are not later Shocked And Disgusted or whatever by thoughts we have held for many years. We think it's weird and also bad to treat queer people like they're a different species from cishet people, and we think that treating things like Having A Sexuality makes a character better than if they have a different sexuality is bad no matter what way you put it.

We also think that, if in your setting queer folks are widely accepted and straight isn't a "default", it may be worth noting that, say, a straight woman might need just as much self-discovery to work out she's straight that a lesbian does nowadays. In the same manner that, in Ace Attorney, Larry Butz needs to tell Phoenix that no matter how many photos of handsome men he shows him, he's tried, he's just not attracted to men,

[mactiir]

So you want to learn to swordfight.

The most common question I see in historical fencing forums and on social media is "how do you get into HEMA?"

If you're like "what's HEMA?" -- that's Historical European Martial Arts -- it's the study and recreation of historical martial arts through weapons manuals written at the time! Many people take a scholarly approach to it -- focused on reading and recreating martial systems -- but many take a sport approach, because martial techniques are designed to be used martially! This means we're fencing -- swordfighting! Think Olympic fencing with bigger swords and slightly different rules, and more colorful gear. In this post, I will be more focused on how to get into the sporty, competition-focused side of the hobby.

Historical Fencing is a martial art! This is a really common confusion from folks who are more familiar with more well-known sword-loving communities. It's not LARPING (though I love a good LARP) -- we aren't playing characters or scenarios, and we don't dress up (usually-- rapier fencers love poofy pants, lol). It's not stage combat or SCA (although there's some community overlap)-- most of us are less interested in recreating periods or aesthetics from history than we are in learning to fence, and compete, with our weapons of choice. Although LARPing, SCA, and stage combat are all cousin hobbies to WMA, the closest analogue to Historical Fencing as a hobby is... Modern Fencing! Kendo and blade-focused Eastern Martial arts, like Kenjutsu, are also much more like historical fencing than SCA is.

Whether you're considering starting longsword fencing because your favorite author uses it as a reference, rapier fencing because it's the coolest weapon in your favorite video game, or just because you think it'd be sick as hell (it is), here's a (noncomprehensive) FAQ for becoming your very own sword lesbian/broadsword bisexual/greatsword gay/spear queer.

I don't know if there are any classes near me, where do I look?

The best place to start is the Hema Alliance Club Finder. You can use it to look up classes and sparring groups in your immediate geographic area.

2. The Club closest to me doesn't offer the weapon I'm interested in. Should I still go?

Yes. Most clubs are "longsword" clubs, but it’s really rare to find a historical fencer that exclusively fences a single system or weapon. Even if nobody at the club fences the system you're interested in, you can 1) probably talk them into it and 2)fencing not-your-weapon will still make you better at your-weapon. My club is a "longsword" club, but we have fencers who regularly do saber, rapier, rapier and dagger, messer, messer and buckler, side sword and buckler, katana, broadsword, spear, and even montante (greatsword). Just ask!

3) The nearest club is too far away. Can I learn just by studying manuals online?

Yes and no. I don’t recommend doing lots of solo practice without having attended a class. It's a good way to engrain bad habits, as well as avoid fencing altogether ("i cant spar yet, my form isn't perfect/ive learned bad habits" or worse, "i don’t need to spar, i know all the manuals inside and out"). This is a really important point: LEARNING TO MOVE A SPECIFIC WEAPON IS LESS THAN 30% OF FENCING, and you will be moving through guards and forms like a pro with only a few months of intentional practice. Your cut form can be picture-perfect and you will still get wrecked in a bout if you don't have experience. Most of fencing is understanding timing, distance, your psychology and your opponent's, and knowing from experience which positions you can get to from what other positions. You can only learn to fence by... fencing. Now, if your thing is studying arms manuals and replicating them picture-perfect, which some people are into, more power to you! But it won't be winning you any tournaments, and I am writing this assuming you want to do the sporty/swordfighty side of things.

4) wait, there are books on swordfighting?

Yes. Check Wiktenauer. Most of them are free. My club does Joachim Meyer; Fiore and Lichtenauer are also fairly common for longsword.

5) I really can't get to classes, though. Am I just out of luck?

Is there an Olympic fencing group nearby? How about lightsaber fencing? No, seriously. Kendo? Boxing? All of these things train the exact skills that are difficult to learn in HEMA fencing -- distance, timing, reaction speed, fight psychology. Some of the best beginners I've ever sparred came from lightsaber, or kendo. If there is no group nearby at all, pick up a copy of Meyer's art of combat and a 12-inch length of steel pipe (it's the same weight as a longsword) to learn how to move the sword (do NOT hit people with this, oh my god), go to kendo for a few months, and you'll be in decent shape for WMA sparring when you can get to a group.

The reason HEMA is fun is because of the community! Even if it's a really intense commute, try to make it to class at least once or twice. You will enjoy it more, you will learn more, and you will fence better. Don't just do it all on your own! Most of the people in these groups have fallen into the common mistakes so YOU don't have to. Utilize them!

6) What do I do if there are no people to spar with nearby?

Why don't you start a group? Purpleheart armory sells foam swords for like $50 each. Get some friends, get everybody a mask and a boffer and get to it! This is how HEMA as a hobby started -- people messing around with foam trainers and a copy of a 16th century arms manual.

6.5) I'm sparring outside of a club -- should we use synthetics, wood, or steel?

Dude, just use foam until you can get a complete steel kit. Keep in mind: synthetics can be as dangerous as steel, wood is MORE dangerous than steel, and steel requires full safety kit for full speed sparring. Don't break your fingers because you wanted to look cool. These things HURT, and can cause serious injury unless used with intention.

7) should I buy a sword?

If you're with a HEMA school, they will have their own cadence for buying gear, and the sword is usually the last thing you get. You should only buy a federschwert (training sword) once you know your style and sword preference. If you're not following a club cadence or planning to attend a tournament, Do Not buy a steel weapon. A full steel spar kit costs like $800 dollars, and without a full safety kit all you have is a $300 wall ornament nobody can use.

And don't buy a blunt, please. Beginners love blunts because they look like "real swords". They also break bones. Federschwerts are standard in the community and nobody is going to think you’re cool for showing up with a weapon designed to snap someone's humerus in half. If you're that twisted about it, Sigi forge sells schiltless feders that look like "real" swords (a feder is a real sword, but I digress).

8) what safety gear should I buy?

Every club and tournament has its own recommendations. Look at the Mid-Continental HEMA Open rules for a very standard list of gear reqs for a reputable tournament. Generally, in this order, it's:

-mask (don't point a sword at anyone without one of these on)

-chest plastron (for preventing unfortunate accidents that might send shards through the lungs)

-gorget (rigid or semi-rigid)

-hardshell gloves (don't do lacrosse gloves or other soft gloves for longsword, you'll break your fingers)

-puncture-resistant jacket

-forearms/elbows

-shins/knees

-back of head protector (concussions bad)

-pants/skirt

-sword

I probably missed something but these are the most common questions-- fellow HEMAists or interested parties, lmk if I missed anything! Happy fencing!

[skepsiss]

Modern Problem, Modern Solution pt3

Steddie fic, this is the 3rd part of the mini-series (I guess?) that I'm writing. This is the one where Eddie pretends to be a vampire for fun. More just Eddie being awkward as all hell and teens being teens. The next part (pt4) has the conflict so hang in there angst lovers.

PT1 PT2 PT4

--

Eddie chewed his nails as he stood outside the classroom in the mostly empty hallway at school. It was 3:30 and he was debating if he wanted to risk stepping into the club room or not. So, he chewed and chewed on his nail until he bit the top off and then spat it into the nearby bin, not paying attention to whether or not it made it in.

The door before him was decorated with rainbow paper that blocked the little window to see into the classroom. It was an old craft that had obviously been there for too long judging from the faded quality of the coloured parchment. It was Mrs. Goodwin's classroom, but that wasn't why Eddie was there, she just happened to be the "support staff" that advocated for the LGBT-Alliance club. Every club needed an "advocate" even if the teacher didn't participate in anything related to the club after it was made. Hellfire's club was "officially" endorsed by the school's drama teacher, Mr. Lobuskwits, but Eddie could count on one hand how many times he had actually spoken to the guy.

No, Eddie was here–and currently stressing out over whether or not he wanted to take the last 3 steps to walk into the club room–because he was trying to decide if he wanted to join in today. He had been thinking about it for a week or more now and he hated _why_ it had been on his mind. He hadn't a real interest in the club activities, but a part of him felt drawn to supporting some of the members–okay, well, maybe just one of the members. He had convinced himself that he felt bad for Steve being the oldest boy in the club with no one else to really relate to. He seemed to get along fine with Robin–Steve also had sports and Eddie seemed to remember he was part of the Key Club or something–but there was something different about getting to know someone close to your age that also happened to have similar lived experiences.

Who was he kidding? He and Steve lived leagues apart from one another, their lives were completely different, but Eddie couldn't help but feel a certain kind of kinship with Steve Harrington. Eddie had never really had another boy his age around that was also queer. It felt like a friendship that could maybe work out... a type of friendship Eddie had only momentarily glanced at on social media and online forums.

Eddie grumbled to himself and wiped his hands on his pants before finally taking the plunge and letting himself into the room.

Robin was standing at the front of the classroom and everyone else was spread out casually in either the desk seats or up against the wall. It was informal while also having a semblance of structure. Robin paused talking for a moment as Eddie walked in, and everyone half turned to see what the disruption had been–which made Eddie's hair stand on end. But that stopped soon enough as Robin flashed him a quick smile before continuing to talk.

"Okay, refocus. Alright, so that's what we're considering. We just have to figure out what we want the exact acronym change to be." 

She blathered as Eddie quietly found himself a seat in the back of the room until the conversation was over. He didn't know what they were talking about, but there was humming and hawing from everyone before some girl Eddie didn't know spoke up.

"LGBTQ plus alliance?" She asked, or more suggested Eddie guessed.

"You're missing like a bunch of people though," another girl chimed in, sounding annoyed, "we want people who are intersex or asexual to feel welcome too, don't we?"

"LGBTQIA plus?" Will commented, making brief eye contact with Eddie to acknowledge that he saw him. It was a friendly look and Eddie half smiled back before his attention drifting.

This was the kind of stuff he liked to avoid. He didn't understand why they had debates over these things, but they seemed to be wondering if they should change the club name to be more inclusive or whatever. He was behind it in theory, but he hated having to actually put in the effort to figure out what the best thing to do was. Still, it was a good idea at its core, just not an idea that made Eddie want to pay attention.

So instead, his eyes drifted and he caught himself staring at Steve who was leaning with his arms crossed against the wall watching Robin. He wasn't chiming in, but he seemed to be listening. It was sort of hard to miss Steve with how brightly he was dressed–he was wearing a striped white and blue shirt that was partly covered by an open red button-up and gray pants. The red was this deep colour and it stood out rather charmingly against the muted tones of his shirt and pants.

The debate continued and Steve turned to look at Eddie who instantly tensed as they made eye contact. Steve seemed to consider for a moment, looking back at Robin before quietly leaving to walk to the back of the classroom where Eddie was.

"Hey," he whispered, obviously trying not to disrupt the conversation they were having at the front of the class.

"Hey..." Eddie replied, sitting up a bit as Steve took the seat beside him so they could talk in hushed tones.

"We're talking about renaming the club, just like... I guess looking for suggestions to be on the ballet or something," Steve offered as an explanation. Eddie had figured that out already, but he nodded anyway as he clasped his hands together on top of the desk.

"The acronym is too long," Eddie sighed lightly, not wanting to disrupt the room for once. He felt weird sitting here with Steve though, both comforted and anxious about their proximity.

"We should just call it the Alphabet Mafia and be done with it," Eddie joked lightly which surprisingly got a quick bark of a laugh from Steve.

Everyone turned to look at them both and Steve covered his mouth, waving their attention off.

"Sorry, sorry," he exclaimed, putting his hands up in an apologetic way. The room went back to discussing and Steve sat back, crossing his arms again as he smiled.

"You've never heard that before?" Eddie asked, feeling the swell of anxiety be replaced with glee at how big Steve's reaction had been.

"No, it's a thing?" Steve asked, looking amused.

Eddie smiled back at him before slumping across the desk and reaching his hands forward– just needing something to do so he didn't go stir-crazy.

"I have much to teach you young padawan," he joked, putting on a bit of an accent but not leaning too hard into the bit.

Steve breathed another small laugh and grew quiet as he sat there. It was a comfortable silence though and one Eddie didn't feel scrutinized while occupying as they sat there.

Steve's phone buzzed and he took it out before tapping away at the screen and half laughing at something before swiping it away. He started to type and Eddie glanced at him, noting the little yellow border and the casual way Steve was acting while he texted. Steve seemed to notice Eddie staring and then waggled his phone at Eddie.

"Do you Snapchat?" he asked, not having any shame in showing Eddie his screen. Eddie hesitated, feeling put on the spot all of a sudden. He wasn't much of a social media guy and only really existed on platforms out of necessity to stay in touch with friends and the likes, but he didn't pay attention to it really.

"Uh, I think so?" Eddie said, taking his own phone out. He felt a bit self-conscious holding his old, beaten-up phone next to Steve's brand-new one. Eddie's screen was smashed in the top corner and you could vaguely see the hint of pink glitter around the edge that was partly covered by Eddie's phone case. He had gotten the phone second-hand from someone else's trade-in, but he had been unable to pick the glitter off the back of it. He didn't like to think about the little girl this phone probably belonged to before he got it.

"I don't use it," Eddie explained, finding the app downloaded in his files and opening it for the first time in ages. He looked at the screen and then shrugged, trying a couple of times at the log-in before getting into his account.

"Take a picture with me," Steve said, already leaning towards Eddie and holding his phone out to take a selfie. He was obviously intent on sending it as a snap to someone, but Eddie blanched and pulled his hair in front of his face.

"No, no, man, don't. I'm good–" Eddie stammered, putting his hand up to cover up the camera. A part of him was flattered so he was still smiling, but the horror he had felt hearing that sentence was undeniable.

Steve stopped, but he gave Eddie a confused look, half laughing as he put the phone down.

"Why?" He asked, finding it a bit amusing no doubt. He could probably see that Eddie was smiling and wasn't taking the whole thing too seriously. 

"Cause I forgot to do my makeup this morning," Eddie squeaked, hamming it up as he put his hand dramatically over his forehead and then turned his shoulder away like a demure lady.

Steve chuckled and leaned forward, pinching his brows in. It was obvious he was willing to accept the answer, but he didn't really get the joke. Eddie had only started to act silly because he felt uncomfortable, but he didn't want to tell Steve the real reason he didn't want his picture taken was because it would be a picture of them... together.

"I just don't really like my picture being taken," Eddie lied, sounding awkward enough that the delivery had been convincing.

"Okay..." Steve agreed, looking away and not pushing the subject. He seemed a bit amused by Eddie's comment–almost in a charmed way–even if Eddie could tell he didn't really understand. Eddie felt his heart twist at that, appreciating that Steve wasn't forcing him even though it was obvious that he was confused.

"You can add me though..." Eddie offered pushing his phone towards Steve and feeling nervous about the whole thing.

Steve huffed a laugh and then sat up again, taking Eddie's phone and starting to type.

"Snapchat kind of involves taking photos of yourself," he teased lightly, and Eddie felt his cheeks go a bit red. This felt so weird... Steve was adding him on Snapchat? What the ever living hell?

"You have Insta?" Steve asked and Eddie looked back at him, feeling a bit shell-shocked.

"Yeah, uh, yeah. But I uh..." he started, feeling like a fish out of water.

"Don't really use it?" Steve asked back, mocking Eddie a bit. Eddie felt his face getting hotter with embarrassment even though he could see Steve shaking his head and smiling. 

"Here," Steve asked, handing the phone back over, "I added myself."

Eddie nodded and took the phone back, looking at the screen and observing the new follower that popped up on his phone as Steve typed away on his own screen. SS.Harrington, it read with a little picture of Steve standing with his back to the camera in his baseball uniform. It was so painfully jock Eddie didn't know what to do. He wasn't even sure what his icon was anymore and he cringed slightly as he checked and saw his own page for the first time in a while. His username was something he had thought up on the fly years ago, MangledMetalMunson, since just Mangled Metal and Metal Munson had been taken and his icon was just a photo of one of his hands covered in rings. Weird... lame. Super lame. 

Eddie pocketed his phone and resigned himself to unpack all of that later as he tried to force himself to look forward again and pay attention to whatever Robin was saying. They were still debating back and forth and Eddie could feel himself getting frustrated by 'this acronym is better' over 'that acronym is too confusing.'

"We should really just drop the acronym," Eddie said quietly, slouching down again and putting his head in his hand. This was boring... and despite getting a chance to talk to Steve some more, he wasn't very interested in staying.

"What do you think it should be?" Steve asked, crossing his arms again and leaning back. He looked suave sitting like that: superior somehow as if he was some noble and the rest of them were peons.

Eddie shrugged and looked forward again, not wanting to get wrapped up in how Steve was posing.

"Just queer or something. Queer Alliance, Queer Club–I don't know."

"Not everyone likes being called... queer though, right?" Steve asked and Eddie noted that there was less hesitation in how he said the word compared to before.

"I guess, but not everyone likes being called gay either, so like..." Eddie half shrugged, hoping he made his point. He would much rather people individually choose what they wanted to be called and then just use the "big bad Q-word" as the universal phrase instead of cringing at it.

"Queer literally just means everyone who isn't cisgender and heterosexual, that's it. It's not that deep. The only people really pushing the 'don't say queer' agenda are people who hate that we can be united by the word and those who have been tricked by those people," Eddie said, sounding bored and a touch annoyed. He believed that pretty strongly actually, and hated that there always seemed to be this 'separation' between all the letters of the LGBTIQIA+ rather than unity. It was important for everyone to have an identity, but not when it created in-fighting.

"GSA!" Eddie yelled from the back of the room without warning, not even bothering to sit up.

Everyone stopped and looked at him, the silence drawing out a bit. It looked like someone was looking for an explanation before Eddie spoke up again.

"Genders and Sexualities Alliance," Eddie explained, sitting up a little now and crossing his arms again, "or Pride Club or something. You're never going to fit everyone into one acronym, so it's better to go broader."

"Okay..." Robin replied, obviously a little annoyed. She didn't seem to dislike the idea but probably wasn't grateful for the way the information was delivered.

"I still like LGBTIQA plus," someone offered which got a murmuring of replies.

Eddie shrugged, not too concerned about the attention being taken away from him again as the club went back to discussing.

"Y'all doing anything else today?" Eddie asked Steve quietly, sounding a bit put out. 

"I don't know," Steve snorted slightly, taking his phone out again and just sort of surfing. 

The next thirty minutes or so continued like that until the group had settled on four options to put on the ballet–two of which Eddie had suggested and that privately made his ego swell–before calling a close to the discussion. They had a week to think it over and then hand in their ballet at the beginning of the next club day before they came to a conclusion.

Much to Eddie's relief though after the discussion the club seemed to devolve into something more fun. Games were brought out and there was a rousing round of Cards Against Humanity that Eddie actually enjoyed. People broke off into little groups after some time and just socialized, with no real structure to it at all. Robin and two other girls–Hannah and Vickie–split off to gather with Steve and Eddie as the club's older members. Hannah was in Steve's grade and rather sporty from what Eddie could tell–volleyball or something–but he had never interacted with her at all. And Vickie seemed to be Robin's age; Eddie could remember vaguely seeing her at a house party or two he had been to in the past. He couldn't be sure, but at the time he had thought she was with a boyfriend and had quietly noted that he seemed like an ass. He was from out of town or something, and seemed to be older than Vickie–maybe out of high school old. He hadn't really liked that all too much, especially since the crowd they were all hanging out with was a bit rougher. That didn't mean much to Eddie himself–hanging out with pot-heads and punks was kind of a given for him–but Vickie was 15 and already seemed to be getting in over her head.

It was an enjoyable visit and Eddie decided by the end of it that he liked Vickie and confirmed that he thought Robin was pretty cool too. She was a nerd and while Vickie seemed to be much softer-spoken and a bit more "basic," she didn't lack interest or involvement in the conversation. Hannah on the other hand felt just too... sporty. It wasn't even like a butch sporty, Eddie couldn't really put his finger on it, but it felt like she just didn't have a ton of options for queer people her age so she hung out here even though it wasn't really her scene. Whatever though, it didn't really matter, Eddie was the odd one out too in this scenario.

Club closed and Robin locked the classroom door as they all left, the younger crowd having filtered out earlier while Steve and Robin had stuck behind to close up. Eddie had lingered and secretly hoped Steve would offer him a ride home again. It felt a bit presumptuous of him, but they lived near one another, and... they seemed to be getting along. Robin had stuck around though and was even bumping shoulders with Steve as they walked out towards the parking lot. It was nice actually. It was nice seeing that Robin and Steve got on so well and Eddie couldn't help but think that Steve’s smile looked a bit more genuine compared to how it was in the hallway when he was talking to his jock friends. 

"You need a ride?" Steve asked, half looking over his shoulder at Eddie. 

"Uh, yeah, sure," Eddie stammered a bit, hands stuffed in his pockets. He had been looking for that question and he privately hoped he hadn't come across as desperate for having hung around. 

"No complaining about what we listen to, Munson," Robin threatened as he trotted towards Steve's car and got to the passenger's side before anyone else could.

Oh, great. Robin was coming too.... Eddie supposed this was their routine after weeks and weeks of club meetings. Steve probably gave her a ride most days. That was nice, but Eddie couldn't help but feel a jealous twist in his gut.

"You're a proper chauffeur," Eddie commented, trying to keep the moodiness out of his tone as he went to the back seat and got in.

Steve shrugged and didn't make a fuss over any of it as Robin fiddled with the radio dial before settling on some kind of pop station. Charming.

Eddie stayed quiet for most of the ride and despite being annoyed that he wasn't up front he had to admit he liked watching Robin and Steve interact. They were both animated and would talk over one another, arguing here and there about nothing in particular. It was fun and had Eddie smiling by the time they got to Robin's place. Even then, Robin had sat in the car for an extra 10 minutes so the two of them could finish their 'fight.' She didn't leave until Eddie chimed in finally.

"Okay, Jesus H. Christ, Buckley," Eddie grumbled in a good-natured way, getting out of the car and going to the passenger's side door. "Get going, Lord, not all of us have until midnight to get to their front porch. I'm sure this conversation can rage on tomorrow."

"Jealous much?" Robin asked, scoffing and crossing her arms. "You're just trying to get Stevie here all to yourself."

Eddie scowled at her, still holding the door open. While that was partly true, it wasn't for anything nefarious and genuinely Eddie was getting bored with waiting in the backseat while Thing 1 and Thing 2 hotly debated whether or not Justin Bieber's "redemption" was real or not. Eddie seriously did not care about celebrity news and had zero interest in learning more. 

Robin did eventually get out and say her goodbyes which had Eddie sighing dramatically before he eventually climbed into the front seat where she had been previously. The first thing he did was turn off the radio and then glance at Steve who was laughing a bit and leaning on his steering wheel. Eddie paused, his stomach turning before dramatically putting his hand to his forehead.

"Aaaalllooooonnnee at llaaaaasssstt," he sang, putting on an exaggerated version of the piece 'At Last' only to realize that the song was something of a love song. 

Steve chuckled anyway, shifting his car back into gear. 

"What?" He asked, looking amused but confused. 

"Etta James?" Eddie asked, lifting a brow at Steve. He was shocked he didn't know the song. It was a classic and even though he didn't listen to a lot of music outside of punk, metal, and rock, he still knew Etta James. 

Steve gave him a confused look, obviously not recognizing the name.

"Come on man," Eddie egged on, "At Last by Etta James. Release in 1960? You gotta know her, it's like... a really popular song."

"A popular song in the 60s? You know I wasn't alive, right?" Steve teased back which got an eye roll from Eddie in return.

"Har, har, and I was?"

"How am I supposed to know?" Steve quipped, driving off towards the trailer park, "I'd believe it if you told me you were a vampire."

Eddie snorted, leaning back in his seat before taking his fingers and putting them up by his mouth to mime fangs.

"Ah, yes, it is I–you have discooovered by deeeepest secret. I, Edward Munson, am in fact a vam-PIRE! And I simply love attending high school like a freaking weeeeiirdo as if I lived in Grand Forks. Curses, you must keep my secret Steben, for I know where-ist you liiiiive," Eddie joked, putting on an over-the-top Transylvanian accent which spurred a laugh from Steve in turn.

Eddie smiled at him before lowering his hands, feeling pleased with himself.

"Grand Forks?" Steve asked for clarification, pinching his brows together.

"Yeah, Twilight or whatever," Eddie answered before pausing for a moment, "I think it's Grand Forks? Maybe just Forks? I don't know man, I never actually read or watched the damn thing. Kind of ruined vampires in my opinion."

Steve laughed a bit again, obviously not having much of an opinion on the matter. The Twilight movies had been pretty big in the last couple of years and it was hard to avoid retaining at least some knowledge about it. Still, Eddie had avoided the books and the movies like the plague and had felt pretty strongly that Twilight truly had ruined the legitimately cool image that most fantasy vampires had before they sparkled and crap. 

"Ruined vampires, huh?" Steve asked, sounding entertained by the idea.

"Oh, shut up, vampires are cool–or were cool, whatever," Eddie quipped back, crossing his arms and looking out the window. Honestly, he was a bit embarrassed for having gone on about vampires and nearly sung a love song to Steve. He liked that Steve was friendly, but he sort of forgot that they weren't really friends and his usual weird antics might not be cool to bring around this space, yet. 

"Name one," Steve said suddenly and Eddie looked at him with shock. He was being invited to talk about vampires of all things? Did Steve even care? Or was he just on an argument kick from his conversation with Robin?

"And it can't be Dracula," Steve explained further, the two of them starting to get close to the trailer park.

"Oh, I can't comment on thee classic vampire, and I only get like 5 minutes to convince you?" Eddie asked, smiling despite himself.

"Tick-tock, Munson," Steve sighed sarcastically.

"Fine–jeez. Uh, vampire? Well, we can get all into Buffy the Vampire Slayer if you want–and no, it's not just about killing vampires. Some vampires are pretty chill, good even, but you've got Camilla and Spike–"

"Spike?" Steve interrupted, laughing incredulously. 

"Don't! His name is stupid, I get it, but he's pretty cool. Him and Angel are–"

"Angel?"

"Oh, shut up! Angel is a bit of a priss until he turns evil, but Spike is like kinda evil but then a begrudging good guy. Anti-hero style," Eddie could see his trailer coming up, and felt pressed to explain in length why Spike was a cool vampire after all. 

"Okay–I'll just leave with like, my fav line he's ever said. Classic really," Eddie was unbuckling as Steve crept up towards his place, still looking amused.

"So he's like going by Buffy's house or whatever and she comes out all accusatory and is like 'what are you doing here?' and before he can answer she cuts him off and is all 'explain in five words or less.' So, Spike–who dresses like a total punk by the way, bleach blonde hair and red leather jacket and stuff–looks so put-out and lifts his hand and goes: out for a walk... bitch," Eddie explained, half posing and delivering the line with the same level of enunciation Spike originally used in the show. 

Steve snorted slightly, pinching his brows together at Eddie's rushed explanation, watching him. Eddie wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not, but Steve seemed entertained at least.

"Sounds... interesting," he finally said and Eddie could tell he wasn't actually all that interested.

"Whatever man, you have to see it. If you ever have time, I highly recommend 'What We Do in the Shadows.' It's a mockumentary about vampires in New Zealand and it's genuinely hilarious,"  Eddie said, trying to cover his anxiety with a hand wave as he let himself out of the car. 

"Okay?" Steve answered, confused in the same way he had been when Eddie explained why he didn't want his picture taken.

"It's good, trust me," Eddie huffed, half hanging out of the door of Steve's car.

"Alright, man. Let's watch it sometime then," Steve offered nonchalantly. 

Eddie didn't process the offer right away, too busy trying to get his limbs to work properly so he could climb out of Steve's car without face-planting. He was standing with the door open before he realized what had been said and he had to bend over to look at Steve inside the front of the cab. 

"What?" Eddie asked, knowing full well what he had heard, but not really believing it.

"Yeah, we'll watch it sometime or whatever," Steve repeated, not even looking at him as he adjusted his stick shift.

"Oh... sure," Eddie replied a bit weakly before swallowing thickly. He had been lingering for too long already, and he felt self-conscious about prolonging Steve's stay any longer. 

"Well, later then," Eddie concluded, carefully shutting Steve's door and hovering for a moment before Steve pulled away. It wasn't night this time so Steve didn't really need to wait for Eddie to get inside–not that Steve really had to wait at all for something like that. Well, maybe for girls he guessed....

Eddie covered a flush as he walked to his front door considering the fact that usually you'd wait for someone to get inside if you were either their parent or their date. It was something you did for girls you took out to make sure they didn't get jumped going to their house at night, which... sort of made Eddie feel soft for some reason. It wasn't like Steve was teasing him or calling him weak, maybe it was just habit, but Eddie couldn't deny that it had been a vaguely romantic gesture.

Eddie shook the thoughts off as he rolled his shoulders and walked to his room. He felt utterly stupid and he hated that he wanted to impress Steve. Maybe impress wasn't the right word, but he wanted Steve to like him. It felt like such a desperate plea for a friendship and he quietly wondered if he was barking up the wrong tree. He wasn't going to college next year–he wasn't even going to apply, he couldn't afford tuition and there was no reason to go into debt over a degree he didn't want–which meant he was stuck in Hawkins for a while yet. Sure, he wouldn't get as many opportunities to meet guys his own age he didn't already know sticking around here, but it sort of felt lame to be holding out for a friendship with Steve. They really didn't have anything in common. He wouldn't be trying so hard if Steve wasn't so... nice. Like he was surprisingly nice and Eddie wondered idly if he had always been this nice or if that was a new thing that came along with coming out.

PT4

[verdemoun]

timewarp au going to pride:

jake adler has bi wife energy set to his ringtone. king of bead bracelets. he made them himself and hands them out with dangerous enthusiasm. will see somehow hitting on sadie (who is very thank you cutie but i'm married) and be like hello friend i also think my wife is beautiful stunning perfect human being have a bracelet. sadie is also dressed like a cliche tucked in plaid shirt cuffed jeans doc martens finger guns sweeping her husband off his feet and kissing him

bill has the tiniest pride flag but absolutely glared and intimidated his way to the front of the barriers and forgets to blink while watching the march. malfunctions when men actually flirt with him and has to sit down like his self-esteem is so low pls help him. gets called handsome and has to hold a water bottle to his head because world is spinning, does not know how to respond.

kieran and javier are taking turns annoying people with 'whats in your pants' memes intentionally put the weirdest things in their pockets like someone asks their gender and 'oh look three buttons a can of tuna and an opened pack of gum. who wants gum?' labels are too overwhelming they both identify as queer there is nothing cishet about either of them. crying over margaritas together why are we single when every single person in the world is so hot?

arthur and charles keep going on stranger missions to help find lost pins, escorting the youth to the <18 events and handing out water bottles. arthur does struggle with getting mistaken for a right-wing protestor because big scowl-y muscle tall white man with old timey cowboy hat and needs charles to rescue him from getting yelled at because he is too polite to interrupt people.

hosea and bessie were meant to be supervising dutch and bessie had way too much fun explaining this is my husband and my husband's boyfriend. hosea fumbling trying to explain he's not my boyfriend i love my wife. meanwhile dutch escapes and bessie and hosea both just sit down like oh no. this is. bad.

dutch is attracted to the sound of angry shouting like a moth to flame. micah (who does support the gays because his grand-nephew is gay (kai is not gay but is glad the misunderstanding has lead to micah being a better person)), isaac, jack and dutch all put aside their differences for one day and will get arrested for assault and 'infringing on the right to protest' while physically fighting bigots.

annabelle and susan are wearing their 'dutch van der linde made us lesbians' shirts while also holding 'we exist' banners and people think they assume they're referring to vintage lesbians but of course they mean lesbians throughout history including 19th century and long before they have always existed and always will go sapphos

abigail is going out of her way to break hearts she is calling people gorgeous and kissing their cheeks before running off like a manic pixie dream girl to continue the mission to fight whoever it was that gave john their number. john does not understand phone numbers he's being given scraps of paper with numbers on them wondering if it's some kind of encrypted treasure map. also he's genuinely afraid of furries. hiding behind his wife what the fuck are those.

[forcebutch]

hey man love ur work. just started t and trying to figure out if im a butch [currently id as bi but also not sure if i might be a lesbian] whos on t or if i might be like. an actual man. the thought of being a gay dude terrifies me but i cant tell if its scary bc im in denial or if its scary bc its not true.

i guess im wondering if u have any tips on figuring myself/shit out? i think part of it is feeling like i'll lose being butch if i'm also attracted to men?? any input or thoughts u may have are helpful tyy

i was gonna tell you you shouldnt source your info from porn blogs (and i should ABSOLUTELY NOT be your only source. i'm serious) but considering that i've been through that particular existential crisis multiple times i have some experience with it, let's do this anyways.

i am not even half as confident in my personal life as i am on this blog. my gender-sexuality is fluid and i do not fit nicely in categories, but that can feel like it leaves me either labelless or a liar. life as a gender-sexuality weirdo is not kind on anybody, and that pain really erodes away your concept of what parts of your self-image you are Allowed To Be, especially if you rely on others who agree with strict untouchable boundaries between genders and sexualities. frankly the strict no-touching model of gender-sexuality is really bad for questioning and gender/sexually fluid people. i think at some point in the 2010s we lost the idea of a queer spectrum and continued on with policed modes of gender-sexuality.

that's all theory, though. you can litigate your gender and sexuality to line up with cliquey queer ingroups or gender-apathetic academics or return-to-tradition het truscum until the cows come home and still never feel like yourself.

as my wife says, there's a reason science degrees require a number of lab hours. at some point you just gotta do it. no more theory: turn off brain, start. you have several hypotheses and they need some actual testing. flirt with somebody at a gay bar. do drag. buy syd sixx's or carta monir's t-masc-featured porn, take an edible, and have a night to yourself. watch an archived copy of bloodsisters with your pants off. fuck a friend who's gay in a different way than you. ask your partner to switch between calling you a good boy and a good butch in bed. call yourself a faggot while you're jacking it. 69 another gender outlaw. Do Something. you can figure out labels as you go.

[bcolfanfic]

hi hi! I’ve been reading all your young vets HC, do you have anymore about rosie and Aiden?

aiden and wosieeee!!!! my babies!!! yes i do!!! have posted this before but just for ref again this is what aiden looks like in my head.

i’ve covered this before but aiden is curt's childhood friend that curt set rosie up with when he was like okay maybe its not that you're bad with woman maybe you dont LIKE women

worked out though <3

aiden has um some of curt's special (terroristic) tendancies lmfao. they grew up together. they are life long friends for a reason. he’s been around the block in the nyc queer community, for lack of a better word.

but rosie mellows him out a little. dating someone with a little daughter will do that to you <3

funny bc he didn’t even want kids like- at all. only even let curt set him up with someone that had one because he didn’t think it would be anything serious.

*loud incorrect buzzer*

was just so enamored from the first dateeee but how nervous and sweet and nerdy rosie was.

and by how when he took him home he finished in his pants and was so apologetic and embarrassed about it that he almost cried lmao.

curt is proud of his foresight in setting them up for the rest of his fucking life. runs that victory lap foreverrrrr.

but yeah. aiden loves the boy bad.

always finding excuses to hang out and like it’s talked about in my recent blurb- tries to go out of his way to include naomi in things too which goes right to rosie’s heart.

rosie also falls hard pretty fast which he struggles with a little. just. scared it’s inevitable that he’s gonna scare him off or turn him off or something. realizes he’d be heartbroken if this didn’t work and is like ohhh no.

there are some. growing pains re: aiden not having a military background and feeling a little out of his depth trying to help him with his hurts from the war.

feels like anything he says or does is going to be Wrong and is scared of making it worse somehow. but talks to curt about it which helps him at least figure out an Approach for next time it comes up.

a lot of rosie’s trauma is surrounding nash’s death (background being: nash started spiraling after some kids he bonded with in the area were killed. went out to smoke in a high risk area that people weren’t supposed to but did anyways now and then. got argumentative when people were like hey man go somewhere else, stayed up there and ended up getting a sniper round in the skull. both rosie and ev were there and saw it </3)

so it also helps aiden help when rosie is a little more open with him about that. carries a wholeee lot of guilt about it. and has some more ‘niche’ triggers related to it that come up every now and then too. (rachel came up with him getting triggered at aiden’s parents house bc his dad asks him for help with grill stuff and he. has a little Moment he gets real embarrassed about after because does not like raw meat smell or appearance texture)

sweet boy. let your boyfriend that’s obsessed with you help- he loves you!!!

[starfruitgirlie]

guide for highschool to not suck

HEY GAMERS! I catch myself a lot looking at people younger than be and being annoyed or thinking "wow I know so much more than you" but when I was the age they were at I desperately wanted to be older and I wanted to know what I was doing and I sucked at life. Im 17 so I can only give life advice up to that point. I was absolute garbo at age 13-15. I was cringe, fowl, thought I knew everything, was experimenting with my identity and style, had acne, had access to the internet when I probably shouldn't have, the works. Instead of looking down on a reflection of myself I want to give advice on how to make things a bit better. Unfortunately, you can't avoid being cringe. However I was mentally ill and had adhd, and there are things you can do to make those things less sucky. (disclaimer I am not a professional and you should always reach out to a trusted adult or a therapist for help and not the internet!)

So highschool sucks it's awful it's absolute doodoo. I changed school districts so I went into my freshman year not knowing ANYBODY. I was also a cringe gender non-conforming queer kid with a bad haircut and bad fashion sense so I know what it's like to be picked on. so this is for anybody already in highschool or going into it or just wants to know what to prepare for.

I can't sugarcoat it highschool is so bad. It's not all bad, you can have nice experiences but ultimately it sucks because when your entire social atmosphere is insecure teenagers everything sucks. I just completed my junior year and I feel like I have made a lot of realizations just in that year alone. I'm not a senior yet so I'm just dipping my toe into college prep stuff so I am no where qualified for that so if that's what you want go somewhere else and if you get good advice tell me I need it. so this is starfruit's guide on how to NOT SUCK HIGHSCHOOL! (from someone with no friends and is lazy)

no one is looking at you as much as you think they are. I don't mean this as a "you're full of yourself" statement, it's an anxiety thing I still deal with. Embarrassing incidents are going to happen unfortunately. You forget deodorant, you have your period, you trip in the hallway, your pants rip, all the sucky stuff. There are going to be some assholes who laugh and make you feel bad but most people are going to understand. everyone knows what it is like to feel embarrassed and it won't be a disney-channel bully type scene if you mess up. even though social media doesn't show it, people make embarrassing mistakes and have accidents. It took some time, but I had to learn to laugh at myself and not take myself as as seriously. I don't spend my whole day hyperfocusing on other people or going out of my way to laugh at someone. It can be tough especially if you're as shy as I am but there will always be kind people who will offer help in situations like that. As you grow things will be less embarrassing. i am not at the point where that feeling is completely gone but I yearn for the day.

I was in my first AP class this year and at first I was super super self-conscious. I am a good student, but the people in that class made me feel stupid sometimes. They all took like 6 ap classes when that was my first one. reality check!! it doesn't matter. your future employer isn't going to go "So did you take 6 ap classes at once and get 5s on all of them?". highschool doesn't matter as much as you feel like it does. don't get me wrong, still try but be kinder to yourself. Don't compare your grades to somebody else's. A big part of this too is not asking people for what they got on a test even if you think they got lower. It's not done out of malicious intent, but I know for a fact a lot of good students ask other people for their scores to feel better about their own when someone answers a lower grade. When people ask I say "I don't tell people my grades, it's just a personal thing I guess" and people will move on. A big thing for juniors is the ACT. the day those scores came out it was awful. I had to delete instagram for a week when someone I knew posted their super-good score just to brag. everyone was asking what I got and everyone was comparing scores. "Oh I got a 34" and when somebody said "28" I heard "that's not that bad!". that is a phrase I hate. "it's not that bad!" SHUT UP!!! You can avoid this by not telling anyone your scores. the only people who know my act score are me, my therapist, and my parents. and I intend to keep it that way forever. I'm grateful that a lot of aspects of school come easy to me but this is applicable for students at any level. my grades don't make me any better of a person. What is important is to try your best and only compare yourself to yourself. if a C is your best effort, that's good! You tried and you put in hard work. school is not a true judgment of how smart you are what matters is you are trying and learning.

don't be on snapchat. my school used it for a long time to spread nudes and take pictures of alt people and make fun of them. and to also send threats. "what's yo snap" is not flirting. it makes me want to hit you with a metal bar. I can't really explain all that much but I just hate snap chat and I will never use it.

don't spread information you aren't sure is true. big and small highschools both can start rumors that get out of control. a kid who I never knew was talked about so much and the rumors kept spiraling I have no idea what is or isn't true. it's also just not that fun to talk about?? I mean there is a certain enjoyment in gossip but if you're just making fun of someone behind their back it's not cool and even if you're laughing in the moment that's not healthy behavior. and if your friends shun you for not wanting to do that and being uptight, get new friends.

ask questions. if you are confused in class, ask. even if it's a dumb question. I admit I have thought before "are you dumb" when someone asked a question but at the end of the day I'm just a hater and that person benefitted from hearing an answer and learned. if you can, email your teachers and go in during your study halls or lunch hour for individual help. I never would have passed ap calc without all the days I spent in my teacher's classroom during my lunch period.

set boundaries with your friends. you can still show your friend you want to talk to them and value their friendship and express you want to listen in class. also you're just annoying if you talk the whole time. that's the hater in me coming out I'm sorry.

stop following made-up social media teen rules you hate. that makes me sound old when I say that but I can't describe it any other way. an example of this is instead of asking for someone's snap, just say "hi I really like you do you want to go on a date and can I get your phone number?". have real human interactions. Just because Brady Smith and his friends always sit at that table at lunch doesn't mean you can't sit there if you get there first. just because it's "cringe" doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. Be polite. shake someone's hand instead of dapping them up or whatever the hell. high five unironically. read a book in class instead of being on your phone. it doesn't mean you're trying to be quirky. it just means you want to read a book and people who make fun of you for reading probably should be the ones reading.

which leads me to: read more books. doesn't have to be something profound like a classic. it can be shitty YA vampire love triangle. it can be the series you loved in middle school about dragons. it can be something super long and profound. it can be non-fiction, it can be manga, it can be whatever!!!!! just read!!! just because someone to your left is reading jane austen doesn't mean you can't read warrior cats.

this might be more of an american thing but participate in dress-up days. this helped me overcome a lot of my social anxiety. even if no one else is doing it, I am going to dress like a cowboy because god damn it, it is dress like a cowboy day. i guarantee nobody cares. There's this kid at my school that regularly shows up in different costumes and I think its awesome and I also don't care. It could be some random tuesday and I could see Goku in the hallway and go "That's weird" and go about my day. Dress like Goku. End up on the school snapchat story with popular kids putting comments over it with a skull emoji. be free. The same kid also dressed up accordingly for holidays. Kids like that make you smile and you remember them fondly. my sister had a classmate who brought a toy thor's hammer to school everyday. i guarantee people made fun of him but thats awesome dude. nobody cares and if they do they need to get their priorities checked.

do your work in class so you don't have to do it at home. it saves time and you have more time to be lazy. if you have to work at home make sure to keep a planner. It's not cringe you're just being responsible. write it down or it will be gone from your brain in an instant and it will be 3 am and you will be writing a last minute research paper and not remember how to do citations.

make accommodations for yourself at school. for me this looks like dressing comfortably even tho I want to be stylish. It's also always bringing my headphones to school to have music on so I can focus. There's no reason to make school hard for yourself, bring things you might need, you don't need to raw dawg the day.

if you can, utilize time before school and after school to get help. I know so many people are busy so this might be tough but most schools will have resources like saturday school or they open early and have teachers who come in to tutor. at the end of the day though, prioritize you over your grades. You should still try but if you need the day to play video games and sleep, play video games and sleep.

to sum it up: stop comparing yourself to other people, compare yourself to you. only you know what you've been through and your level of growth. it's easier to be a happy teen when you arent worried what other people think. I hope this was useful!!!! thank you for reading if anyone made it this far.

[zillanovikov]

Strap up friends and strangers. It's time to make bad choices ... together

I wrote a novella called Query where I mash up publishing under late-stage capitalism with climate change activism and trauma-dumping on strangers. It's also a queer love story and it's been called "pants-wettingly funny." Rysz published the regular version with a SFW cover but he also sold a book box with a special edition cover which I literally have to censor to blaze this post, link here if you're not at work or you work in a very chill workplace.

We sold out of the first run of Query book boxes, which a) was fully incredible and b) what the heck guys, do you want to make a grown woman cry from happiness? Because I'll do it.

So Rysz and I bought another round of mostly different, equally deranged swag to put in print run two for another round of Query book boxes.

Rysz was like, "wow people like book boxes huh" so he's put on a sale so you can get any or all of the books from his press in the SAME BOX. I have read every book he's published and I love all of them, but hot DAMN Corrupted Vessels has a good cover so I plan on getting that one myself.

You also have the option of getting ALL THE BOOKS Rysz publishes AT THE SAME TIME. Open your heart and your bookshelves. Let something in. I can't promise this is a good choice, but it's a choice. Ask yourself, what could go wrong? Then do it anyway.

[cutesharkstudios]

Lumity Comfort Ch. 1: Normal Human Date

(This is a post king's tide, pre thanks to them chapter)

In the Noceda household there are 4 universal truths:

The sky is blue

Water is wet

The MCU is overrated

Luz: (Running through the house like it's falling apart) CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP

And Luz needs to learn when to chill

Camilla walked into her house, noticing her daughter in panic mode. She knew what to do in situations like this. She pulled out a small harmonica and played a single note.

Luz immediently stopped, as that note put her at ease even in her most stressed. She turned and saw her mom, looking peaceful and calm, with a warm smile.

Camilla: Mija, calm down, whatever is stressing you will be okay.

Luz: Okay, sorry, I'm just really stressed for my date with Amity tonight. This is my first date and I want it to be perfect.

Camilla: Aye, I've been there. You should have seen me on my first date. I was practically sweating stress.

Luz: I promised her that we would have a normal slice of life date, free from the stress while we fix the portal door. I just want her to be happy after all that's going on.

Camilla: Hey, just don't lose sight of the reason why you are doing this, to spend time with her. Dios mio, you should have seen me on my first date. I practially fell asleep in my food because I lost so much sleep planning.

Luz: Right, I just need to make sure my clothes and gift are ready and I will be set.

Camilla: Don't worry, you're a Noceda, you got this.

Luz: Thanks mom, and thanks for being cool with me liking girls.

Camilla: I know my side of the family is a bit more on the conservitive side, but I havn't heard anything homophibic from them yet. I'll float the idea their way of being cool with queer people, and God willing pave a way for you coming out to them. If that's cool with you.

Luz: I'd like that. (Hugs her mom)

Camilla: Now get ready, you have a date to prepare for. That and I need the laundry room for my uniform, delivered to SO many puppies today.

Meanwhile, in the girls' room of the house, Amity is being dressed up by Willow. She ultimately decided on a cute purple dress with sequens and a pink belt. She also had her hair in a massive bow with the lesbian pride flag.

Amtiy: I'm so nervous. I've never been on a date before.

Willow: Neither have I, but don't worry, knowing you two it will go smooth.

Amity: I just love her so much. She brought me out of my horrible life and gave me a new future. I want to be with her forever. I have so many questions about the future I want to ask her about.

Willow: Well I'm glad you're much happier. And I'm glad to be your friend again.

Amity: Hey Willow?

Willow: Yeah?

Amity: I'm sorry. First for the crap I pulled when we were kids, second for the bullying, and lastly for trying to erase the memories of my actions instead of confronting them.

Willow: Compared to Bosha, I'd say that isn't too bad. You were pressured into doing those things, Bosha had no excuse.

Amity: Well, I still want to make things right. Just ask me when you need me.

(knock knock)

Amity: Come in.

And there stood Luz, wearing a suit top and black pants. Instead of a white shirt under her tux, she had a bi pride shirt, showing that she was no longer afraid to be herself.

Amity blushed, but not her usual bob-the-tomato-would-be-proud blush, but a lighter gentle blush, as the luz of her life look so pretty and happy.

She held her hand with Luz, and the two went to their first ever date.

[alexawynters]

Question to the trans men out there, I am in need of some advice, please!!!

(People from home I think I cleared you out but if I missed you and you see this post - no you didnt)

So this is probably weird and please don't judge me, but.. how did you always know you were a guy? How did you know, did you feel like you were trapped in the wrong body, or were there other clues?

Just asking because.. well.. just for some background, I am afab lesbian, but when I was little my daycare once asked me which Disney character I'd like to be and I apparently said "Aladdin ", and I think about that a lot.

I also think about how I always felt wrong growing up, and then I learned about lesbians and I thought "oh I'm not in the wrong body, I'm just a lesbian".

But.. I don't know? Haha. Weird. My friends say I'm way too feminine in my mannerisms to ever be a dude the few times I've jokingly brought it up. Not sure if that's just the patriarchy and toxic masculinity or if they're right and I'm just super confused lol 🙃 I will absolutely give them that I do have what are considered to be feminine mannerisms and I am absolutely very in touch with my emotions (I will cry at the drop of a hat - I'm squishy, don't yell at me).

I've always been friends with girls, I've always liked/loved girls. I know for a fact I'm attracted to women, and I'm not overly fond of men. The few male friends I have are usually trans men, or gay men, but even they are few and far between.

I love video games, I love adventurous things like horse back riding or going to the shooting range, but I also love when my girl friends want to come spill the tea, I get super giddy, like come on girrrlll, spill! He said wHAT?! The AUDACITY!

But also I hate my body. Total body dysmorphia, I cry and vomit when I have to look in the mirror too long. To be clear this is not just because I am over weight although that certainly doesn't help. My tits are DDD and I mean they're fantastic if I wanna wear a blouse (barf), but if I wanna wear a t-shirt it makes like this weird shelf I hate it.

I look at men's bodies, even those not super fit, and I'm envious. The jaw, the shoulders. The fit of the clothes, ughhh I wish my clothes fit ME like that! I've tried! Multiple exercises, I've seen masc women say get rid of your curves to help build that physique but it never seems to do the job. Everyone compliments me on my highly hourglass figure. I hate it.

I see tiktok and Tumblr posts of trans men who are almost fully transitioned, and they look so happy in themselves, so confident. They look like how *I* want to look.

Growing up, any time I tried to wear anything I felt remotely comfortable in, my mother would say I looked like a "dyker-biker" (wtf even is that insult, mom???). Which isn't inherently anything bad, but the way she said it always made me feel like I should be ashamed, so I feel like I learned to avoid wearing the clothes I actually wanted to wear.

I hate dresses and skirts. I don't care what temperature it is outside. I would rather die than wear either. Shorts, pants, or nothing.

I've sort of tried to broach the topic with friends as I mentioned, and they always say I'm too feminine, or I would have to be gay (no offense men, no thank you). Don't get me wrong our entire friend group is queer lf some sort with the exception of two token straight friends, so the topic should be safe with them if I qanted to bring it up more seriously. But the brushing it off has me terrified. They used to talk about a former friend of ours for example when we were in college and you know figuring ourselves out, who used to waffle between their identity and we all (I'm ashamed to say I went along eith it) said they were just doing it for the attention or to go with the flavor of the month.

Well.. I don't want them to think that about me. Karma is a bitch haha. Especially not my best friend. She's been my best friend for almost two decades, we've had ups and downs, we've grown, we've been through everything together. She's like my sister. I don't know what I would do if I figured this out, made some decision, and lost her because of it.

I know that's doing her and our friendship a disservice, we have grown, we aren't in hs or college anymore. She is the most caring and understanding person I've ever met, but I'm so, so scared.

That's not even to speak of my family. My mother took twenty five years to properly accept that I'm gay. She nearly crashed the car when I first came our (not my best timing tbf). My mother and I have finally made great strides in repairing our relationship, I'm not sure I want to rock the boat with even trying to figure this out.

I thought when I moved from Mississippi to Denver that I would leave everything and everyone behind and start over completely so I could figure this out. That didn't happen because life is fucking expensive and I ended up moving with some friends back home, I haven't really made any new friends and I certainly haven't let go of the old. I'm terrified to explore any of this, but I'm so tired of feeling miserable and not feeling like I'm myself. I don't know who that person is yet but I'm 34 and I want to finally finally figure that out and then be them.

So I guess I'm wondering, how do you know? How do you know who you are? And is it possible that I could just be a straight man in a woman's body? While still maintaining my mannerisms? Or maybe I'm just supposed to be a butch 'bean? But that doesn't feel right either. Idk lol pls send help haha I'm not crying while I write this or anything it's fine.

Also sorry this is all over the place.

[play-now-my-lord]

Could you explain your "[dodges rotten fruit being thrown at me]" comment about being invested in in transfeminism in the early 2010s? I don't have the context for it, and I suspect many others don't.

in general, in that historical moment tempers were extremely high and many things were said in the heat of passion that were extremely stupid. for my own part i generally regret being up to my nose in Gender/Oppression Discourse in the early 2010s and mostly remember it for the dumbassed and ignorant things I had to say when cornered.

the post was something about the cis queer use of asab language, which was highly controversial in the 2010s for a mix of bad and good reasons, but which was also radically different than the current standard. I don't think "it's a backhanded way to ask what's in your pants" was a correct take at the time, considering cis people didn't use that language and trans people didn't use it in that way, but it certainly has become correct in the last 4-5 years now that the average post gesturing to "amab" or "afab" people seems to primarily refer to cis people with a misgendery side of trans ones

[oldfangirl81]

Anyone else thinking about their coming out story?

Teenage/early 20s me = a very good ally, heteroflexible, open minded

Mid 20s/early 30s = bisexual, what's in their pants doesn't matter to my interest

30s onward = asexual, biromantic

Did anyone else have MySpace as part of their story?

I have a friend who has always been more conservative than me. I was considered a bad influence at times during our teen years because I was a feminist. Tales for another time.

Anyway in college she got together with a guy who was all the bigotry. Anyway, at the time she wouldn't add me to her MySpace because "you have freaks for friends who might want to be my friend". I was hurt but went home trying to figure out what she meant. (I'm lousy at confrontation in person).

The only common thing I could see on the ones she didn't already know was they were queer and I had bisexual listed as my sexuality. I'd know her over ten years at that point. I stayed up all night crying.

Dad saw me in the morning and asked what was wrong.

"Jane isn't accepting that I'm bisexual and friends with gay people online."

"You're bisexual?"

"...I thought you knew?"

"I did." Mom piped up. "The Angelina Jolie crush made it obvious."

"Oh. Well I don't care who you date as long as they're Jewish." (It was a long running joke because Mom converted but he later made sure I knew he wouldn't care as long as I was happy).

So for a couple years I had very limited contact with Jane. We'd meet up and part of the conversation was always the same.

"Are you still doing that bisexual thing?"

"Uh, yeah."

"And your parents are still okay with it?"

"Yup. Mom bought me a cherry chapstick recently in her odd supportive way."

Eventually the relationship with the bigot ended badly for Jane. During her divorce recovery she got close to a bunch of drag queens and other LGBTQ folk.

I didn't know any of that at the time. Imagine my surprise after years apart we meet up. I expected the same frustrating questions. Instead my friend is using terms like "top/bottom" correctly with no judgement.

I've been lucky in my coming out experiences. But then I also never told my paternal grandparents about it. I doubt they would have been happy. But that is also a whole other drama tale.

Anyway, yay for Evan Buckley going on his first queer date in his 30s.

[vespertine-legacy]

From Pride themed asks: 3, 5, 8 and 9 for Enex, Mena, Moxie and Chatelaine (mix questions and characters however you like) and 16?

thanks, pauletta! <3

Enex (male, cis, bi)

Mena (female, cis, lesbian)

Moxie (genderqueer, queer)

Chatelaine (female, cis, pan)

3. How did your oc discover themself? Did something cause them to question, or did they always know?

Enex - Enex didn’t always know that he was bisexual, but I don’t know if there was a specific “aha” moment to it, or just like, talking with friends about sexuality and being told “honey, you’re probably bi.”

Mena - For her gender, I think Mena and her dad have probably had academic discussions on the sexes and gender identity. Mena just sort of tested things out for her sexuality. She used to identify as bisexual, but then she realized the only man she was ever attracted to was Quinn, and she wasn’t actually attracted to him, she was just attracted to having sex with him.

Moxie - Moxie’s gender identity is queer and their sexuality is queer. She was raised by people who didn’t really put any one gender over another (there were distinctions between them, but no real hierarchy), so she grew up pretty well connected with what some would call both masculinity and femininity.

Chatelaine - Chatelaine didn’t really get a whole lot of time to herself until after she left Intelligence, so got to just, as an adult, discover: huh. people pretty. But as an adult with a strong desire to go back to Intelligence and “kill ‘em all!”, she hasn’t really given herself a ton of time to think about her own identity.

5. How did you figure out your oc's identity?

Enex - Vibes?

Mena - Mostly I just knew in my heart that she was gonna be with Jaesa and also I wanted my tiny Warrior to be a lesbian.

Moxie - A tiny bit of “I should actually pretend I’ve read some Star Wars lore” but mostly just “this feels right.”

Chatelaine - Vibes

8. Have they had struggles with their identity, be it due to internal or external reasons?

Enex - He was born on Belsavis and spent the first few years of his life there. Folks don’t really care what you identify as or who you’re bunking with on Belsavis, they care what skills you are bringing to the table (even if you are just a kid). And once he was smuggled off-planet to go to the Jedi Order, they were more concerned with helping him work through his emotional regulation that with who Enex was getting pants-feelings about

Mena - Mena struggled with her identity for a little while, because she wasn’t sure if…everything with Quinn meant that she was bisexual, or if she’d be a “bad” lesbian if she did identify as a lesbian despite everything with Quinn.

Moxie - I don’t think Moxie struggles with identity at all, and if anyone else struggles with Moxie’s identity, they have a flamethrower you can talk to about it.

Chatelaine - Yes, and I would say mostly for internal reasons, but it’s kind of internal reasons brought on by external circumstances, because being forced to participate in putting psychic toddler leashes on your coworkers for so long that you forget how to actually interact with other people in a way that approaches normal so now you overanalyze all of your social interactions isn’t entirely an internal thing. But yeah, Chatelaine doesn’t really have a super strong grip on her identity yet and has just sort of slapped a label on there like FlexTape to hope it holds.

9. Are there cultural or lore specific aspects to their identity? If applicable, does their species affect it?

Nope, just vibes. For the most part, I don’t have enough of a brain to pay attention to whether or not any of my OCs’ culture or species is significant to their identity.

16. Did you ever change an oc's identity when they were already established? Why?

Yes. I think I’ve waffled on several of my OCs’ identities while creating them, then started sharing Lore about them and said “hey this is so-and-so, they’re X,” and then later either decided something about them because of how their story played out or met a character that changed how I felt about them, or found something in established lore about their species or something…

[unladielike]

PROS AND CONS OF DATING VIVIAN.

the pros.

She’s a very cute, glasses wearing girl. Need I say more?

You will likely end up being her special interest... aka she will have a page in her notebook dedicated to you, with all your likes and dislikes written in it. Stuff like blood type, birthday, hobbies, kinks, and turn offs would also be included as well, but regardless, you can expect to be gushed about.

There will never be a dull moment with her, so you don’t have to ever worry about being bored.

She will bring you flowers, regardless of your gender.

Vivian will take care of you if you get sick. Seriously, this girl won’t take no for an answer and will see to it that your health improves!

It’s very likely you will be the only person she truly loves. Like, she may be sexually attracted to other people, but she’s not the type to really fall for others, so romantically speaking, she will only ever have eyes for you.

Vivian actually likes physical contact and being touched, so unlike most touch-averse autistic individuals, she adores PDA, to the point where she won’t be uncomfortable if you shower her with affection.

She’s a very good girl. For example, Vivian isn’t very motivated to cook for only herself, but if she’s cooking for two, you can expect consistent home-cooked meals. She will also actually listen to you and heed what you have to say, so if you tell her you’re lactose intolerant? Expect anything she bakes/cooks to have no milk in it.

Vivian is an extrovert, so if you’re not much a talker, she can do most of the talking for you.

She’s very open minded and fun-loving, meaning she will likely agree to tag along in whatever adventure you’re dragging her into.

Vivian will actually stop hating couples/media with romance and fictional couples in it, so if you guys are dating, her bitterness towards normies would fade.

You will be up to speed when it comes to Gen-Z language and internet lingo in no time, because this girl is very much a nerd who grew up with memes.

With her, cringe culture is basically dead; in other words, she will absolutely join you, decked out in full frontal cosplay, and even go as far as to Naruto run with you.

the cons.

Vivian may be eccentric, but she isn’t a manic pixie dream girl, so you may end up disappointed if she doesn’t give you important life lessons or improve your life in any meaningful way. I mean, this girl is dumb, to the point where she doesn’t exactly have the best head on her shoulders.

She will still love 2D characters, to the point where she will continue hyperfixating over them and writing fanfiction of them. She will, however, cease to have the desire to date them in real life.

She has very bad table manners... meaning she might shamelessly belch around you.

Regardless of your gender, she will ask if you would want to take a leak together at some point.

With actual boundaries being set, Vivian can eventually mellow out over time, but if you don’t play your cards right, she can become obsessed with you. Honestly, due to the fact she has compulsive sexual behaviour, chances are high she will instigate very inappropriate actions around you.. Basically, though, if you give her an inch, she will take a mile, and by having sex with her, you’re potentially putting your dick in crazy.

Does prefer men and masc-aligned individuals, so while she is capable of being attracted to women/gender queer folks, Vivian might end up becoming miserable in a monogamous relationship with someone who isn’t a man. Like... if she is strictly forbidden to explore her sexuality with men/masc-aligned individuals, there’s a high chance she will feel trapped in that relationship, but she will never express it to you, because she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.

She’s a slob, so she won’t often brush her hair and will probably be found with her pant pockets hanging out. Coupled with the fact she struggles when it comes to executive functioning, there might even be times where she forgets to brush her own teeth.

Despite being a true girl at heart, Vivian isn’t stereotypically feminine and will act very boyish, to the point where she’ll be the one to hold out doors and pull out chairs for you.

Vivian’s stubborn... and can get very mean-spirited, if you end up making her angry.

Because she’s an autistic woman who refuses to mask, she might prove to be a bit too much for the average neurotypical person. Honestly, her autism isn’t a cute quirk you can simply love away; in fact, it’s very much a permanent part of her, so there may be days where you’re frankly frustrated with her.

Her sense of humour can be considered off-putting at times.

She will risk her own life in order to protect you, meaning Vivian would basically shove you away from a moving car and let herself be hit instead.

The older she gets, the more she would become disillusioned by romance, so there may come a point where she would regret being in a relationship, especially with how much hard work it is and how much compromise it requires. Of course, this doesn’t mean she would necessarily stop loving her partner, but she might have lingering doubts and uncertainties over a future with them.

If you’re a man, her parents will likely bug you about having kids and will ask when you’re planning on give them grandchildren.

[joanbushur]

Jesus Christ, this fucking old-ass pile of horseshit post. Rape is usually not a "stranger-danger" kind of crime, you're more likely to know your rapist, so how does this 20 year old fucking post help with that? When you divorce your partner and they decide to come to your house and rape and kill you and your kids and then themselves because they can't stand that they don't have the power and control in the relationship anymore? I got this email in the early aughts and SURPRISE! The email hasn't changed and rapes haven't stopped. Didn't stop Brock Turner, didn't stop Johnny Depp, Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby, R. Kelly, D. Trump or any of the others. Just like active shooter drills in schools don't stop children from having their insides splattered all over school walls because one person who wanted to feel powerful and in control went out and decided to shoot them all that day doesn't stop it from happening. Putting it on the victims doesn't work. Marginalized communties already know to be aware of their surroundings, to be careful, to be aware, etc. That's part of the socialization of children. Why don't we try putting it on the perpertrators for once? Increase the statute of limitations on rape, work to incorporate the understanding of coercive control and abusive relationships into our justice system; especially family courts so people don't have to stay in contact with their abuser just because they have a kid together. Strengthen gun laws so that it makes it harder for abusers to get them. That also requires fully funding the ATF so they can actually stop bad buyers and sellers from selling guns to people they shouldn't. Repeal the law that George W. signed that makes it harder to sue gun manufacters. Make a new law that bans automatic weapons for public purchase. Stop dignifying the people who commit mass atrocities with having their name and face everywhere, they don't deserve to be remembered or recognized. Focus the stories on the victims. Reform the prison system. Stop the school to prison pipeline. Work to provide education programs without caps on them in jails to lower violence and stop offenders from becoming more violent in prison and then released back onto the streets with no support system and expected to become a functioning member of society again. Legalize abortion so people aren't forced into carrying a child they don't want because an abuser sabotaged the birth control to try and trap their victim and make it harder to leave. Teach comprehensive sex ed and not abstinence. Teach kids about consent from an early age. If they don't wanna hug a family member don't make them. Teach them to ask before hugging someone else. It's as simple and age-appropriate as that. Stop banning books so people can learn about all this stuff, and leave Drag Queens and Queers alone, we're not that obsessed with your kids, but you should teach them to question authority because you know who gravitates to those positions of power, trust, and authority? Abusers. Cops. Doctors. Priests. Teachers. So what good does this fucking post do me or anyone else who gets pulled over on some shitty pretext and gets raped by a genuine cop? Get them arrested for "resisting arrest" or "assaulting an officer" after I elbow their face for shoving their hand down my pants? Defund the police and focus on community outreach programs that help people in the community and de-escalate situations before violence can result. This isn't a victim's problem, this is society's problem. So let's get to work on fixing these problems so we can stop fear-mongering with useless boogeyman rape creepypastas and start living in a better world we're working to create. And in the meantime, you know, actually help people.

THROUGH A RAPIST’S EYES” (PLS TAKE TIME TO READ THIS. It may save a life, It may save your life.)

An Article from Neena Susan Thomas

“Through a rapist’s eyes. A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interview…ed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts:

1] The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun! , braid, or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets.

2] The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women who’s clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut clothing.

3] They also look for women using their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.

4] The number one place women are abducted from / attacked at is grocery store parking lots.

5] Number two is office parking lots/garages.

6] Number three is public restrooms.

7] The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to a second location where they don’t have to worry about getting caught.

8] If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn’t worth it because it will be time-consuming.

9] These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas,or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands.

10] Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you’re not worth it.

POINTS THAT WE SHOULD REMEMBER:

1] If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it, or make general small talk: can’t believe it is so cold out here, we’re in for a bad winter. Now that you’ve seen their faces and could identify them in a line- up, you lose appeal as a target.

2] If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell Stop or Stay back! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they’d leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.

3] If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yelling I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent.

4] If someone grabs you, you can’t beat them with strength but you can do it by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm between the elbow and armpit or in the upper inner thigh – HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it really hurts.

5] After the initial hit, always go for the groin. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy’s parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you’ll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause him a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, and he’s out of there.

6] When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.

7] Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don’t dismiss it, go with your instincts. You may feel little silly at the time, but you’d feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.

FINALLY, PLEASE REMEMBER THESE AS WELL ….

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do it.

2. Learned this from a tourist guide to New Orleans : if a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you…. chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car: Kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won’t see you but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping,eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON’T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side,put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU CLOSE the DOORS , LEAVE.

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:

a. Be aware: look around your car as someone may be hiding at the passenger side , peek into your car, inside the passenger side floor, and in the back seat. ( DO THIS TOO BEFORE RIDING A TAXI CAB) .

b. If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.

c. Look at the car parked on the driver’s side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot).

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP IT! It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked “for help” into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it’s better safe than sorry.

If u have compassion reblog this post. ‘Helping hands are better than Praying Lips’ – give us your helping hand.

REBLOG THIS AND LET EVERY GIRL KNOW AT LEAST PEOPLE WILL KNOW WHATS GOING ON IN THIS WORLD. So please reblog this….Your one reblog can Help to spread this information.

THIS COULD ACTUALLY SAVE A LIFE.”

[falsebooles123]

Ugh I'm late again - Diary of a Big Ole Gay 02/06/2023

Hey Whores sorry to be the bearer of bad news but I am one tardy ass whore lately, sorry about that.

(me casually forgetting what I'm doing on this app all the time)

so I it the I guess only 6 days since my last review huh I managed to set up a parttime gig with a local eatery so bitch your whores job search is over!!!!

(me when they ask me why I want to work for them)

on that note I have been very lazy this week. Also I have come down with a head cold which is very gross and has left me tired during my screduled "watching a movie because it gives me seratonin" hours.

So I have taken a couple days off this week but I still managed to watch a few, courtesy of Internet Archive. They pages don't always index in the search engine but I was able to 5 (additional) films on there. (for you queer cinema sluts Queen Christina, I was a Male War Bride, Olivia, The Strange ONe, Tea and Sympathy, and Reflections in a Golden Eye.), which is great because I have no budget for this project and that saved me 25 bucks. The only bad news this week is that HBO MAX no longer carries Cat People (1942). SAD

Draculas Daughter (1936) dir. Lambert Hillyer

Draculas Daughter is the sequel to the classic Universal Picture Dracula (1931), (yes I have seen the original), based on a short story excised from the original Bram Stroker Novel. That is that it is only tangentently related to said short story and the whole production rights is due to a lot of really boring behind the scenes drama. You get it its hollywood it has to be tied to some kind of IP.

In this one Dracula has a daughter who doesn't want to be a vamp and is fighting her vampiric origins going to the point of calling up a psychoanaylsist to cure her of her urges. Oh by the way this is protrayed onscreen is her ravising a young damsel with her titties out.

So yeah vampirism in this film is like totally not a metaphor for being a lesbian, HAES PRUDES, (wink).

Supposedly, the queer overtones were toned down in the final project but you still have what is objectable a pretty queer character and even the marketing plays into it, (she gives you that weird feeling).

Now this film while interesting is rather slow so this is definetly only for the serious lesbian vampire lover, for those more casual into the scene may I recommend its unofficial remake, Nadja (1994). Oh which we must always stan and simp for.

Queen Christina (1933) dir. Rouben Mamoulian

Queen Christina is a historical drama based on the biography of Queen Christina of Sweedan. so lets talk about her for a sec.

Chrisitina of Swedan was a monarch from 1626 - 1689, in which she abdicated her throne for a variety of reasons, including the fact that she had converted to catholicism. She was raised, "as a boy", in the sense that her father gave her a education and allow her to persue masculine persuits. She was well known for dressing in a masculine fashion which rose to rumors that she was either a lesbian or intersex. Oh wait theres a great quote for this.

 According to Veronica Buckley, Christina was a "dabbler" who was "painted a lesbian, a prostitute, a hermaphrodite, and an atheist" by her contemporaries, though "in that tumultuous age, it is hard to determine which was the most damning label".

The rumors of her being intersex seems to be unsubstantiated and it should be noted that when you look at a lot of historical gender varient people theres a lot of push to find a biological essentialist view on why. Famous Trans people like Lily Elbe and Christina Jorgensine had intersex qualities so people try to find out if some random butch dyke from the 17th century had overian cysts because thats clearly the only reason why a woman would like to wear pants.

However there is a lot stronger evidence that she liked to eat that kitty. Pictured above is a fictional version of Ebba Sparre who she has a sort of Rosalind relationship with. Its intimate but like they totally just friends. In real life its very likely that they were lesbain lovers.

The actually film itself keeps the butch elements of Queen Christina life but gives both of these women a nice little heterosexual romance. I feel that the strength of the film comes from Greta Garbos performance, she was a WLW and she has this type of Glamour.

Like Dietrich she plays this sexual vivacious almost femme tops. Its very bisexual, very commanding, and there is something just scruptious of all these butch dykes in 30s films. They were like we want woman wearing pants, we want mommy to step on us.

What I'm saying is that Cate Blanchette in Nightmare Alley is historcial accurate.

Orpheus (1950) dir. Jean Cocteau

This is the second film in the Ophic Trilogy by Jean Cocteau. The whole thing is a bunch of abstract experimental films playing around with these notions of the artist and more specifically the myths of Orpheus (duh) and Narcissis, (thats where all the mirror stuff comes in).

There are a lot better and more thourough essays on the topic but essentially the versions he uses are kinda gay Cocteau is super gay and its just him being a little gay having fun and having a blonde twink simp for a butch dommy mommy.

its not the most explicet gay film like Un chant d'amour but as an arthouse film its actually pretty cool. I would recommend you check it out.

Everything Else I Watched

So It turns out not much. I watched the Bowery (1994) by Sara Driver. It was a 10 minute experimental doc that she shot about the Bowery Street in New York. It is very cool and very fun to watch its on Le Cinema Club at the time of writing.

I also watched two random silent comedies that were on my watchlist but I was very drunk when I watched them so I don't remember much.