#literally i would be 15 minutes late to school every day then do my makeup

[whoseblogisitanyways]

tag yourself: intrepid heroes' alter emos as ppl who went to my public high school

[not-made-of-actual-rye]

I'm not done (if you saw my last post). This time, though, I'm not talking about the sick old men who are my band directors. Let's go a little bit younger.

There's this guy I know. His fake name (because his real name makes me feel sick to my stomach) is Aaron. I've never talked about him on social media before, mostly because he's on every other platform of social media I have other than Tumblr (I'd praise god if I weren't atheist)

Aaron always scared me. Immediate red flag, right? 🚩 Well, I met him exactly 10 days after I officially started dating my boyfriend. It's probably a good time to mention (unfortunately) that Aaron is my boyfriend's oldest brother.

If you've seen the other post, you'll know I am in my school's band (this took place before all the shit that made me hate the band directors, mind you, and I still loved band with my entire heart and soul at this point). Unfortunately, my boyfriend comes from a very musical family, and every single one of them is/was an instrumentalist.

On this unfortunate day of December 15th, 2023, our band directors decided it was a wonderful idea to have an alumni game, where all former graduates of our school are allowed back to play again in a pep band game. I'd never met Aaron until this point, and I admitted to my boyfriend that I didn't want to meet him. Again, gut feeling that he was bad news.

That night, he asked his brother to point me out. Me being scared of him (he was also right behind me in the stands) I avoided him as best I could, but being in his general proximity gave me a massive headache that didn't go away for the rest of the night. He was also a very loud player (egotistical bitch) and was bothering other members of my section too

After the pre-game performance, I ended up finding him looking lost in the back hallway that typically only the band members used. Just being kind, I explained to him that most people were out socializing in the Commons, and it would be better for him to wait out there rather than alone in the hallway.

I was unfortunately naive when this occurred, and I didn't realize his intentions when he began using this time with us alone to interrogate me, including questions about where I lived and what my parents did for work. I didn't clock this as creepy behavior until much, much too late, because I assumed he was just being friendly. Even so, when I did manage to escape his questioning, I hid with a group of friends and avoided him as best I could.

As far as I knew, nothing else happened for a couple months (there was actually a lot happening at this time that I'll cover later) until my boyfriend invited me and one of my best friends at the time to a college pep band game that his father led. I had a lot of fun there, and I loved every minute of it (except when my boyfriend neglected to give me literally any important information about this event I'd never gone to despite me begging him to give me details)

At this game and at this college, there's a long-standing tradition where attractive college women will dress in bathing suits and cover up with trenchcoats, only to reveal their bodies whenever the opposing team attempted to score a free throw

Aaron made a comment about my makeup (I like to do more graphic looks including rhinestones around my eyes), saying, and I quote "At least you're drawing attention to your eyes, and not..." and he trailed off but he made it abundantly clear he was referring to the ladies in swimsuits. Especially when he followed his statement up with, "Of course, you're aware of the tradition, right?" He began explaining it to me while I stood there in silence.

For a while, I thought his comment had been funny. It became an inside joke between me and my boyfriend, because, again, I had been naive and not realized it was not only weird but also extremely creepy to be making comments about a 15-year old showing off her body like the adult college students were. (Reminder that he was 25 at the time, and knew my age)

This all occurred on January 20th, 2024. 3 months later (almost exactly) on April 21st, I was visiting my boyfriend's house for the second time. It was going really well, until I forced my boyfriend to show me his phone. I knew he'd been hiding things from me because he would panic every time I got his phone, even if I didn't have any desire to open it. This had been going on for at least 2 months, possibly longer.

For whatever reason, he finally allowed me to see. I looked through his texts when I found they were about me. They were between both of his older brothers. These messages varied between talking about my deepest insecurities (something I'd trusted my boyfriend and only my boyfriend with, not even my closest friends), as well as them berating me for being crazy, psycho, and a red flag. All these insults came directly from Aaron himself, mind you.

I laid on my boyfriend's bed, scrolling through and reading everything they'd ever said about me. He laid behind me, watching. He said mostly nothing, only ever asking if I was okay, to which I couldn't answer by how betrayed and shocked I felt about this whole ordeal.

The texts about me had started back in November, when my boyfriend and I had started talking and falling for each other. He'd gone to his older brothers asking for advice, and they'd given it excitedly, because they'd been wanting him to get a girlfriend for a while before he'd met me. Aaron specifically had been more obsessed with our relationships, even going as far as to make comments about how I better be pretty (his words were "she better not be mid" he then clarified "not attractive")

I cried silently while I read the story of how my boyfriend had told them almost everything I never wanted anyone to know, and even though I knew he'd been hiding something, I never would have assumed it'd be that. I screenshotted the messages (some, not all... I wanted some to remain hidden from anyone who asked to see the messages, because I knew that time would come) and sent them to myself. I sat in his room in silence for a couple minutes just to process everything, ignoring everything he'd try to say to me, and texted his little sister, one of my best friends, if I could hang out in her room for a while because I didn't want to look at him.

I showed her everything, because I figured if I didn't, someone else would, and even though she was younger than I am, she agreed with me that it was messed up and tried her best to comfort me. I stayed with her for longer than I anticipated until I was ready to face my boyfriend again. I went in his room and laid on the bed with him in silence, crying. I said I wasn't sure if I could still love him after that, and even though it hurt seeing his reaction as I broke his heart, he'd broken mine too.

I went home, hiding the truth from my mother when she asked how everything went. I texted my boyfriend and we argued about everything. I officially ended it that night, because I refused to stay with someone who never wanted to be with me forever in the first place.

It was a messy breakup, one that isn't really important to the story aside from knowing about the existence of the text messages and some of the content they contained. Long story very very short, my boyfriend and I got back together after we had a lot of long discussions about the texts.

Essentially, I realized that, aside from my boyfriend telling them things he never should have, he was mostly just asking for advice and answering their questions when the time arose. In the grand scheme of things, it was Aaron (and perhaps the other brother like... once) who was making the nasty comments about me, including not only the creepy comment about my attractiveness, but also sexual things (note that my boyfriend and I never had sex and he knew this).

As if that wasn't enough, the time before my boyfriend and I got back together (we remained friends after the breakup even though we both knew we still had feelings for each other) I learned more about Aaron. A lot of this was from my ex-boyfriend, but some was from his social media (what is with millennials and thinking they should post their every thought online?)

I learned a lot of things about my new enemy Aaron. Some of them included:

His wife, whom he'd married 3 days before my boyfriend and I started officially started dating, was only 3 or 4 years older than me, at the age of 19.

His wife was also homeschooled, never went to college, and had limited social interaction outside of her many siblings and her parents. She met Aaron at either 17 or 18. Aaron, 24-soon-to-be-25, started dating his now-wife as soon as she would've graduated high school at the age of 18.

Aaron has a birth defect (no name was given but I have used this wonderful resource named Google and am making an educated guess in saying it is hypogonadism) which, and I am very sorry to have to type this but it is important, makes it very hard for him to produce sperm.

After only 2 months of marriage, Aaron got his 19-year-old wife pregnant (and I can pinpoint the exact day it was conceived because he told his 16-year old brother, aka my boyfriend, all about it)

Maybe it's just me, but having testosterone issues to the point where you require you're essentially unable to ejaculate (infertility, a common symptom of hypogonadism) and then suddenly being able to make a kid after 2 months as soon as you fuck a teenager? Interesting...

That's all I have to say for now. My hatred for this "man" runs deep, and it will probably be like that for years, but I don't care. I want nothing to do with him

[solarswonderland]

love, soulmate

CHAPTER . . . 6 | hello captain quack!

collaboration with @/riki-zZz

a/n: decided to spice it up a little with some drama because I was bored LAWL. also if its not obvious, I am making this up as I go 😟😟

written + smau chapter

word count: 1464 [ 1k + ]

mlist | prev | next

“XIARA” Hanbin yelled out to his sister.

“WHAT” Xiara yelled in response.

“We're like- 15 minutes late! You don’t need to cover your tattoo with make-up, just come down already!” Hanbin yelled in frustration.

Xiara sighed dramatically before exiting her room and making her way down the stairs.

Hanbin stiffled a laugh when he saw the makeup job his sister had done on her finger.

"That looks like plastic surgery gone horrible wrong."

Xiara scowled, "Don't make this weirder than it already is."

Hanbin laughed at her while she grabbed her backpack. He held the door open for her.

“What are you doing..?” Xiara asked with suspicion laced in her voice.

“Ladies first!” Hanbin smiled cheekily at her.

Xiara just rolled her eyes and made her way through the door. Both of them walked in comfortable silence.

Once they had reached, Hanbin bid his sister goodbye and headed over to where his friends were waiting for him. As she was walking she saw Percy standing alone. She walked up to him.

“Hello Captain Quack!” She called him, because he hates it and his suffering is her joy.

“Hello Captain Moo!” He replied, rolling his eyes.

“Where’s your girlfriend?” She asked.

“She’s in dance. I’m waiting for your soulmate, by the way.” he said, smirking.

“I only asked you where Yeonmi was but, thanks.” She sighed in annoyance. She really hoped she would not run into Yeonjun today.

As she turned around to go to the dance studio to find Yeonmi, a tall figure appeared behind her. She bumped into their chest.

“Oh my god! I’m sor-” As soon as she turned around and saw who it was, she shut her mouth.

“Oh, you.” she frowned.

“Hey, what is that supposed to mean?” Yeonjun raised his eyebrow.

Of course, it HAD to be Choi Yeonjun out of the 1000+ people that go to this school. They were standing so close she was pretty sure he could feel her breath against his body. She was shorter than Yeonjun but then again, who isn’t? (don’t you dare bring up percy, Yeonjun will literally find you and murder you 😍) so, he towered over her. She moved away from him.

“Uh, I have to go and uhm- find Yeonmi! Right. I forgot about that.” She said and bolted to the dance studio.

“Damn, she must really not like you.” Percy snickered at his friend.

“Oh, shut up. All the ladies love me.” He smirked.

“Yeonjun, I’ve told you several times. It’s not healthy to be delusional.” he patted Yeonjun on the back, earning an annoyed look from the latter.

“Anyway, I’ve got Mrs. Na for the first period, she hates when I’m late which is nearly every day so, bye!” He said and left Yeonjun alone standing by myself.

[ xiara's pov ]

time skip to lunch [ Yeonmi - 3rd person ]

“Hwang Yeonmi?” Mrs. Kim called out her name as she was making her way to the cafeteria.

“Huh?” She stopped in her tracks and turned around.

“Oh, hello Mrs. Kim! Is there anything you need?” She asked politely.

“Oh, yes. Is it okay if you switch partners for the science project? Jiwon here is new and I want her to pair up with Percy since he’s pretty smart.” She explained, introducing the girl beside her.

Jiwon seemed sweet so, she smiled at her. She rolled her eyes at Yeonmi. Okay wow, rude much?

“Oh. Me and Percy already started working on the project.” She said to Mrs. Kim.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I just wanted to be paired up with someone with experience since I’m new.” Jiwon pouted.

Lord she is so cringe, Yeonmi thought. She tried her best to be nice the whole time.

“Oh,” was all she could muster up.

“Can you do it?” Mrs.Kim asked.

“So, does this mean I have to do the project on my own?” I asked Mrs.Kim.

“Ah yes, you would. Is that okay?” she looked at her with puppy eyes. (why is an old woman acting like this? idk js go with it 🫶).

“Sure, I’ll let Percy know.” She smiled at her.

“Great! Introduce Jiwon to Percy while you’re at it, will you?” said Mrs. Kim, smiling widely.

“Uhm, yeah sure.” Yeonmi was feeling very uncertain, but it’s not like she really had a choice.

After Ms. Kim left the two of them alone, the tension in the air was intense.

“Hi! I’m Hwang Yeonmi.” She put her hand out for her to shake.

“Don’t try to play nice. I know you don’t like the fact that I’m here.” Jiwon rolled her eyes, annoyed.

“I’m not, though?” Yeonmi raised her eyebrow.

“Whatever. Just introduce me to this Percy guy and get it over with.” she said.

The walk to the cafeteria was silent.

“Yeonmi!” Xiara ran towards her best friend.

“Hey Xia! Happy birthday love.” Yeonmi hugged her.

“Thank you so much!" She noticed Jiwon.

"Who is this?” she whispered.

“Jiwon. I’m supposed to introduce her to Percy.” Yeonmi whispered back.

“Hello? I’m standing right here.” Jiwon said.

“Right, come on. I’ll introduce you.” They walked to the group’s table.

“Yo, where were you all day?” Yeonjun asked.

“Since when do you sit at our table?” Yeonmi questioned.

“Oh, Xiara invited me!” he smiled.

She looked at Xiara in confusion. “I’ll explain later.” she said. Yeonmi shrugged.

“And to answer your question, I have stuff to do other than hang with you guys all day.”

“Right. like I didn’t catch you and Percy making out earlier.” Jungwon deadpanned.

“Oh, shut it, Jungwon, you’re just jealous you don’t get bitches” Percy retorted as Yeonmi facepalmed in embarrassment.

“So, she’s sitting with us?” Hanbin asked.

“I don’t know. Do you want to?” Yeonmi asked Jiwon, hoping for a no.

“Sure! That would be great.” she smiled, widely as she sat next to Percy, also where Yeonmi was supposed to sit.

She ignored Jiwon the whole time. On the brightside, Xiara and Yeonjun seemed to be getting along, which was super weird. The last time she saw them together, they were trying to rip each other’s heads off.

“What class do you guys have next?” Raven asked.

“Biology” Percy and Jiwon replied at the same time.

“I have Physics.” Yeonjun said.

“Me too.” Warren replied.

“I have art, anyone else?” Yeonmi asked.

“Oh, me!” Daniel said.

“Me too!” Xiara replied.

[ art class - Xiara 3rd person ]

Xiara tried her best to be nice to Yeonjun, and it was definitely more complicated than she thought. Although she called him a donkey, she doesn’t think anyone noticed it! She even invited him over to their lunch table! If that isn’t being nice, she doesn’t know what is. Xiara, Daniel, and Yeonmi were walking to art together while she explained the whole ‘Xiara and yeonjun being nice to each other’ situation.

“After years of hatred I never thought you guys would actually make up,” Daniel said.

“Me too, no way you guys made up in a few hours,” Yeonmi added.

“Honestly, I still have many problems with Yeonjun, I’m just trying to push them aside for now and being nice to him,” Xiara told them both as they reached the classroom.

Okay, Xiara is NOT good at art. The only reason she took the godforsaken subject was for extra credits. She spent most of the class asking Yeonmi for drawing ideas, while Daniel finished up his art piece from last week.

“Come on, Yeonmi! you have to have atleast one idea for me!” She was practically begging Yeonmi at this point.

“Oh, I have one! What if you shut up for once?” she smiled at her.

Xiara simply rolled her eyes. “No.”

[ meanwhile somewhere else in the school....]

"I have been in love with Yeonjun for a whole year, and just when I thought I finally had him just where I wanted him, that Xiara girl swooped in and stole him from me." Jieun (the girl from the end of this chapter) ranted to her gang while aggressively waving her spoon around.

"Hey, hey calm down. It's okay. I had lunch with her friend group today, and I think I know just how to get Yeonjun back in your arms." Jiwon smirked at her friend.

"One, why did you have lunch with those weirdos? Two, what's the plan?" Jieun asked her curiously.

"Well, I had lunch with them because Mrs. Kim wanted me to have a smart study partner, which is that really cute boy I've been talking about, you know, Percy?"

Jieun and the rest of their friends nod.

"And for the plan, all we need is a marker and a picture of Xiara's soulmate mark." Jiwon says, as she opens twitter to show Xiara's post from that morning.

taglist: @winterbear3 @wccycc @gyuszie [ open! send an ask or comment to join ]

[literaila]

i dont just believe it

spencer reid x reader

warnings: the plot revolves around body insecurties, and not feeling beautiful. please dont read if that is triggering to you. 

my note: this one is literally the entire bane of my existence but i figure someone will probably enjoy it. to anyone who feels insecure i’m going to say this as simple as i can: you are beautiful. i believe it and you should too. 

“Hey little love, we’ve gotta get going soon, there are around 15 minutes of traffic during this time of day and we’re going to be late if we don't…” Spencer walked into the bathroom, messing with his sleeves while talking. When he looked up and saw Y/N staring down at the mirror in their bathroom.

He saw her watching herself in the mirror, staring at all the little imperfections that ruined her confidence, that reminded her of just how prettier other girls were, the imperfections that put the tired frown on her face.

Spencer lost his train of thought. “Hey what's wrong?”

Y/N looked back at him and based on the cloud that was hanging over her head, at the rain that had fallen down her cheeks smearing her makeup, he knew they were going to be late. 

Shade didn't look good on Y/N. 

“What?” she said, obviously playing dumb as she turned back around, “there's nothing wrong.” 

“Yes, there is,” Spencer said matter-of-factly as he walked over to her. “You're not smiling, you haven't put your shoes on yet, your playing with the end of your skirt, which I’m pretty sure is a nervous tick… and plus” he whispered standing behind her “I can see the mascara running down your cheeks love.” 

“That's not mascara- hey wait are you profiling me?” she asked as she turned around to face him, a pout on her face as she looked up at him. 

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly as he tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, and wiped her tear-stained cheeks. “Seriously, what's wrong?” 

What was wrong, what was wrong. 

Well, maybe it was the weird color of her hair, which only proved to be more annoying every time she did anything with it. Or maybe it was the dress that she had gotten a year ago, the dress that used to look good on her, but now just reminded her of when she used to feel good about herself. Or perhaps it was sleeping in late, and then having to rush to get ready. 

What wasn't wrong? 

Y/N had tried to get ready, had tried to put a confident smile on her face as she looked at her body, at her least favorite thing in the world, she had tried to pretend that she looked beautiful. But it was only pretend, and she wasn't beautiful. 

“Nothing” she mumbled, looking down at her feet, trying to come up with a way to avoid this conversation. 

Spencer lifted Y/N’s chin and examined her face. “Nothing?” he asked softly, making her look at him.  

She sighed and avoided looking in his eyes. 

“Y/N?” 

She made a sound that sounded like a yes. 

“Talk to me.” 

Y/N looked up at him, she thought about how much time they had already wasted, she thought about all the other time's Spencer had to reassure her, she thought about how she could explain it all, she looked up at him and searched his eyes, checking to see if he could really deal with her if they really had the time for this. 

They didn't.

Spencer wasn't going to let her leave without talking to him. 

He watched her eyes as they darted around the bathroom, he could see the hesitation in them, could see her mind running faster than she could keep up with. He smiled a sad smile at her and lifted her chin more so she would look at him.

He hoped she could read the message in his eyes. 

“Mydressdoesntlookthesame.” Y/N mumbled quick and quiet. 

“What?” 

“My dress... It looks different. It doesn't fit as well. And I don't like it, and I feel ridiculous. ”. Just saying the words out loud made her feel worse, she hadn't wanted to think about the changes that had affected her body in the year she hadn't worn the dress. She hadn't wanted Spencer to know how uncomfortable she felt. It looked so terrible on her. She looked down ashamed.

Spencer looked down at the dress with her, remembering the last time she had worn it, at the wedding of her old high school friend where she had worn it, he remembered her glowing. He remembered watching her smile, and laugh, and he remembered how her friends had been so inviting, and how she was almost a completely different person around them. He remembered how much he loved seeing her confidence which glowed when she was happy. He remembered how much he loved her.

Spencer looked down at her dress and smiled at the memory, one he would remember forever. 

“You’re right.” He said. 

Y/N’s head snapped up at that, she hadn't expected him to agree with her. 

“What?”

“You’re right,” he said again, simply, as if it was one of the many facts he kept stored in his head.

“Oh wow, thanks Spence I guess we can just go now, I’m fine-” Y/N said rolling her eyes, and feeling the hope bubbling out of her chest. She hadn't expected him to agree with her. 

He probably thought she looked terrible, he was probably going to tell her to go change, he was probably thinking about the way she used to be so much prettier, about the girl that he fell in love with, he was probably ashamed at her for not being the same girl and- 

“You aren't smiling,” he said quickly, well aware of how his words had affected her. 

“What?” 

“You aren't smiling. Last time you wore this dress, you were smiling. That's why it's so different.” Spencer assured his hands resting on her hips, looking at her, hoping she would smile. 

Y/N looked at him dubiously. 

Spencer laughed. 

“I think you look beautiful. You always look beautiful.” 

“Spencer that's sweet but-” 

“ But if you were smiling…” he said moving a hand to rest it behind her neck and tilt her head up softly, he was trying to make her understand “if you were smiling you would look even more beautiful.”

“I don't really feel like smiling.” Y/N replied sternly, a hard look in her eyes. 

“I know. But I also know that your mind,” Spencer gently tapped the side of her head “is lying to you. You look beautiful, but it's proven that confidence can make someone up to 10 times more attractive, mostly because confident people are perceived as being more attractive.” he paused for a moment than continued “and I know that you have the prettiest eyes I’ve ever seen. I know that you have a gorgeous smile, and I know that you light up every room you’re in.”

Spencer reminded himself that, no matter how many times he would tell her, no matter how many times anyone would tell her, she wouldn't believe anyone until she thought she was beautiful. He reminded himself that he couldn't invalidate her feelings just because he didn't believe them to be true. 

“I know you don't see what I see, but what I see is my beautiful girlfriend, I don't think I’ve ever seen even a hint of all the bad things you think about yourself.” 

“I know Spence, but that's what you’re supposed to say. You’re supposed to believe that because you’re my boyfriend.” Y/N replied her eyes now focused on his chest, her cheeks red at the compliments. 

“Oh, I don't just believe it. And it's definitely not because I’m your boyfriend. Its a fact. Proven by science.” 

Y/N giggled at that. 

“I am a genius you know,” Spencer said, happy that she had a small smile on her face. 

“I know..” Y/N said softly.

“So then you know its true. It's also proven that I love you, and you’ve always taken my breath away, with everything you do.” 

Y/N looked up at him, her eyes hopeful. 

Early on in their relationship Spencer had learned what comforted her, and he knew that bringing just a little light, no matter how small, bringing a little light into her world of darkness would make her eyes light up. It would make her entire demeanor change.

It almost always worked. 

“Yes, genius, whatever you say.” 

Spencer smiled at her, liking the change in attitude, he pecked her lips and watched the cloud above her head lighten significantly at the action.

“But its also proven that people don't appreciate it when we’re late, so we’ve really gotta go.” She said. And with that, Y/N moved out of Spencer's arms and headed back to their bedroom to grab her shoes. 

“Y/N?” Spencer said following her. 

“Yes?” 

“You’re beautiful you know?” 

And Y/N smiled. It wasn't magic, and she hadn't been relieved of all the insecurities that were swimming in her stomach like sharks waiting to bite her. No, she didn't feel perfect, the cloud over her head hadn't been erased. But what she needed, what she always needed, was just a little reassurance that she wasn't the person she had conjured up in her brain. To Spencer, she was a completely different person. And he loved her. To him she was beautiful, and that was just enough for her to feel a little more comfortable in her skin. 

It would take a long time before she could believe it, but she was going to try. 

She nodded in hope that it was true. 

“Alright then.” He said while he grabbed her hand to help her up, Y/N smiled at him thankfully and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. He gave her one of his breathtaking smiles and wrapped an arm around her waist. “You and me, little love, we’ve got to go show you off to everyone else.”

my masterlist here

[lovenhlboys]

From A Distance (E.Pettersson X Reader)  

Chapter 3

Masterlist

Get added to taglist

A/N: Hellooooo there!!! here is the next chapter, sorry it took me so long, I hope the others will not take nearly as long!! anyways, I really hope you like it and lmk what you think PLEASE!!! Also biggest thanks to Ash cause like, why not, she’s helped me with this and literally everything😂😂

ALSO this one is from both of their POVs, so the change in POV is signalized by:

Y/N= regular ELIAS= italics

(any other info is on the masterlist)

Warnings: lots of cursing, mentions of Pretty Little Liars, another attempt at Swedish (if its wrong pls lmk) I think thats it, if you think I missed a warning please inform me!!! 

Summary: Brock has a plan... he executes it.

Word Count: 2.7k

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< ———————— >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

---------------

PRESENT (thoughts) ---------------

For you, your hardcore crush on Elias was very secretive. Only you, Quinn, and Marky know about it and you are not about to tell anyone else. Elias, he’s so funny, his humor is the exact same as yours and he never fails to make you laugh, even though he barely talks to you. He makes fun of your brother, just like you, and is extremely quick-witted with his comebacks.

And as for Elias, he's the only one who knows about his feelings, because he has worked hard to suppressed them. She has the best laugh. Elias tries his hardest to make her laugh whenever he can because every time he hears it makes his chest fill with warmth.

He has the best style and it’s so fun to see what he wears. Every once in a while there are a few questionable items, but overall, he always looks great. You love to see that he’s willing to take those fashionable risks. It’s better than what every other hockey player wears. The go-to of shorts and a t-shirt with a beanie. 

She looks amazing in everything that she wears without even trying. She could be in a dirty sweatshirt and sweatpants and he would still think she was the most beautiful girl he's ever seen. Her hair, her shoulders, the curve of her hips and back, all of it was perfect. But his favorite thing had to be her legs, they went on for days and the contour of her muscles was so beautiful to him. Safe to say any day she wore shorts, Elias had to try extra hard not to stare.

He has the most beautiful face you've ever known. His jawline was immaculate, like nothing you'd ever seen. His light golden blonde hair was so unique and it reflected the light in the prettiest way, at every angle. His smile, while dorky, was also something you couldn't stop yourself from staring at, always making you smile too, at how adorable he looked when he was happy. 

She is totally off-limits.

He doesn’t like you.

---------------

PRESENT

---------------

You loved your brother, but my god could he be stupid sometimes. He’d texted you TWENTY minutes ago to meet him in the break room and he still wasn’t there. You’d texted him 7 times and he hadn’t responded. You had started to text him an eighth time when the door opened.

“There you ar- Oh. Hi Elias, what’re you doing here?” instead of your brother, like you had thought, it was the gorgeous swede, wearing a pair of glasses that complemented all of his features, a light blue sweatshirt, a backwards snapback, and a nice pair of black sweatpants...needless to say he looked quite sexy. Especially compared to you, you were wearing one of Quinn’s Canucks sweatshirts (that you definitely didn't steal), leggings, you had your hair up, you didn't have any makeup on so you looked, well, not sexy (in your opinion).

“Uh, hi Y/N, um is Brock here?” he asked as he closed the door behind him and looked around the room.

“No, he told me to meet him here like 20 minutes ago and he still isn’t here,” you said.

“Weird, he told me to meet him here like 15 minutes ago,” Elias explained.

You shake your head and laugh, knowing exactly what’s happening.

“What?” he asked, reasonably confused as to what’s going on.

“Elias can you do something for me?” you asked, he nodded. “Go try and open that door, please,” you instructed him.

He walked up and just like you were thinking, the door didn’t move.

You laughed again then shouted, “OH, FUCK YOU BOESER!!”

“What’s happening right now?” Elias said tugging at the door still.

“Brock is a FUCKING CHILD is what’s happening, he locked us in.”

“What? Why?”

“Who knows?” you, that’s who. You knew precisely why Brock would want to lock the two of you in together. Because his best friend didn’t like you and he wanted the two of you to get along. You pulled this trick on Brock and his friend Julia, in high school when they had a big fight. 

“Well, how long will he keep us in here?” Elias questioned.

“Why, do you have somewhere to be?” you asked him.

“No, I’m just wondering.”

“Don’t want to be alone with me that long?” You said with a laugh, even though you weren’t joking (he didn’t have to know that).

“What? No, why would you think that?” he seemed genuinely upset at your suggestion.

“I don’t. It’s just- never mind” you stopped yourself.

“Y/N, what is it?” he pushed.

“I don’t know,” you said, then you gave in to his request, “it’s just that you never want to be alone with me, and you never talk to me, I just assumed you didn’t like me”

Elias let out a loud laugh and sat down next to you on the couch, “Why wouldn’t I like you? You’re my best friend’s little sister.”

“Well let’s see the evidence shall we…”

You went on to describe the events of the summer party at Bo’s house in August of 2019. The night you felt confirmed your suspicions that the swede didn’t like you. 

---------------

FLASHBACK

---------------

It was early August so you were wearing a white short-sleeved blouse with pink flowers, and a white denim mini skirt. You and Brock had arrived late because Brock was trying to get his hair all “floofy and perfect”

As you walked in, you said hi to everyone, made your rounds of greetings. Once you finished, you ended up right where you thought you would, talking with Thatcher and Troy. As you were talking, you made eye contact with Elias across the room and waved at him. But he didn’t wave back or smile or nod like you were expecting, he rolled his eyes and turned around.

---------------

PRESENT

---------------

Elias stopped you there

“Wait wait wait, that’s is not what happened” he dismissed your details of the story.

“Yes, it is! I waved and you looked so annoyed!” you insisted.

“Ok, this is what I remember...”

---------------

FLASHBACK

---------------

Elias was talking to Brock about God knows what. Brock was in the middle of talking when he glanced over and saw Y/N, Troy, and Thatcher all talking to each other. He was looking at Troy who was pointing at Y/N and Thatcher making kissy faces. Implying what he was afraid of: Thatcher and Y/N were together in some way. So yeah, he rolled his eyes and turned around, because he was a little hurt and a lot jealous. (though that's not exactly what he told you)

---------------

PRESENT

---------------

“I rolled my eyes and turned around because I thought It was so ridiculous to think that you would ever like Dems,” liar, “like I thought Stech was being stupid, that would make no sense YOU liking HIM,” he laughed, he’s a lying liar who lies. Though he did think that wasn’t even possible. Having seen how annoyed she gets around Thatcher now, the thought that she’d ever like him in a way that was anything more than ‘annoying friend that I have to deal with’ Seemed inconceivable. She is so far out of his league it’s not even funny.

You didn’t say anything, just looked down at your feet. The boy you have a very hardcore crush on right now is talking about his good friend that you had a minor crush on back then. 

Elias could apparently tell you weren’t telling him something “...Y/N”

“Mhmm” you hummed, still no eye contact.

“What is it?”

“Uhh, so, here’s the thing,” you said sounding quite guilty, “I may or may not have, you know, hadacrushonthatcher… back then” you mumbled.

Elias was silent for about 5 seconds and it felt like you had died and come back to life within those seconds. “I’m sorry, did I hear that right?”

“I don’t know,” you turned to the door, “hey Brock, now that you’ve humiliated me, may we leave? I would like to go home and wallow in my self-pity.”

“No, wait Y/N. It’s fine, why does it matter? You don’t like him now?” he correctly assumed.

“God no, ew,” you scoffed.

“Ok, so why does it matter?” he genuinely wanted to know.

“It doesn’t, I guess. I just don’t want you to think I like him is all” God he’s going to figure it out.

“Yeah, no. I’ve seen how annoying he is'' Elias replied. Thinking the only reason she didn’t want him to know was that you liked a certain friend of his. The other Swede in the group. Since the incident at Brock and Y/N’s place, he has come to learn that they aren’t together, he’s familiar with the term “cuddle buddies” now which doesn’t make any sense. But he can’t deny how Y/N and Jacob act around each other. Sure, Quinn explained that they don’t think of each other as anything more than that. He even said that Marky goes on dates all the time. Even still, he knows he’ll never be the one Y/N has her eyes on, and even if she went crazy and did think of him that way, he could never act on it. Brock would kill him, and as he keeps having to remind himself: his friendship and on-ice chemistry is too important to risk. 

“Yeah well, Marky’s great too,” he said, pulling your attention from the way he looked in those glasses, and that hat...damn.

“...Yeaaaah?” you said, suddenly quite confused as to where he was going with this. You nodded your head, wordlessly telling him to continue.

“And, uh, I think he’s great… really…. great'' he almost seemed annoyed by what he was saying. More importantly, you were extremely lost.

“Elias, stop being vague. You're confusing me,” you said plainly.

“What Y/N, do you not know what I'm getting at?” he said, assuming you knew what he meant, continuing to stay all vague and Swedish.

“Obviously not,” you rolled your eyes and looked back at his still annoyed face.

“You and Marky? I think he's great...you know…” he paused and took a deep breath, then mumbled, “for you”

You burst out laughing, “Elias Fredrik Pettersson”

“Fredrik?” he whispered to himself with a smirk at the way you said his full name.

“I’m not dating, nor do I want to date Jacob Markstrom.”

“Yeah right,” he said in his classic sarcastic tone. 

“I don't! Our personalities clash so bad! Have you not noticed that?” you shouted trying to make it clear to him.

“I mean, I don't know” his face was turning red at his seemingly wrong and laughable accusation.

“Ok, Elias, look at me,” he did with his goddamn beautiful eyes, “Think about it,” you told him.

And he did as you said. 

---------------

FLASHBACK

---------------

One night, in particular, stood out, it was about 4 weeks ago and the Canucks were on the road. Quinn and Elias were sitting on Quinn’s bed. The door burst open, Y/N ran in, Jacob following close behind. 

Y/N sat next to Quinn and tucked her head into his neck.

“Woah, Y/N/N what’s wrong?” Quinn held her head and hit pause on the episode of Pretty Little Liars they were in the middle of watching. Elias turned and watched the events, knowing he’s most likely going to just be an observer for the rest of this interaction

She pulled her head out of Quinn’s neck. At this point all of them were sitting up, Jacob on his bed, the other three all on Quinn’s, “Marky is an ASS,” she said, looking directly at Marky.

“I am not, she’s being a drama queen,” he defended himself.

“I’m sorry have you met her?” Quinn laughed, “She’s literally the complete opposite of a drama queen”

“Fine, ask her what happened then” Jacob gestured at Y/N.

“Y/N/N” Quinn asked her to continue.

“Well” she started, “this dumbass Giraffe tried to get me to talk to the ever so beautiful Gabriel Landeskog.”

“How is that so horrible, he’s such a nice guy?” Jacob seemed genuinely confused.

“I’m not social Marky!! I don't do that, he so hot and I looked like an idiot.”

“No, you didn’t. oh my god,” Jacob said, rolling his eyes. “du är precis som Elias (you are just like Elias)”

“aj (ouch)”

“God, I hate it when you guys do that” Quinn whispered.

Y/N continued, “JACOB, I said, and I QUOTE, ‘Woah, damn’ and then stood there staring at him like an IDIOT”

“You did not?” Quinn said, laughing.

“Huggy, I swear to god, I will slap you” she turned and looked at Quinn with legit murder in her eyes.

“Ok, but yeah, Marky you don’t do that shit to Y/N. She’s just like me, we don’t socialize well.”

“I don’t get it, like I know you’d rather stay in when I want to go out, I just didn’t think it was this bad.”

“Fuuuuuuuuck,” she said, shoving her hands in her hair, “I looked so stupid. And did I mention HE’S HOT”

“Wow, you really have a thing for Swedes, huh?” Quinn quipped.

Her eyes widened. “Quinn Hughes, shut the actual fuck up” she shoved the giggling defenseman. Quinn just stayed laying down and continued to laugh, he then looked at Jacob with a knowing glance and a grin, and Marky giggled. Elias assumed it was because Jacob was aware of Y/N’s feelings.

Elias had been observing this interaction from afar, afar meaning about 2 feet away on the opposite side of the bed. He completely agreed with her, if he was shoved into an uncomfortable situation with someone he’s never met, he’d act just about as stupid as she did. And even he had to admit, Gabe Landeskog is hot as FUCK.

“Ok, Y/C/N/N, I’m sorry. But I didn’t know it was that bad. Side note, how come all of my close friends except for like 3 are super antisocial. I mean look in this room. You three are the exact same.”

“Wow… this right here, THIS is why you are only good for hugging” she gets up and walks over to the other bed where Marky is sitting.

“You’re so sweet to me, you know that?” sarcasm evident in his tone, he hugs her.

“Marky, you know I’m not sweet.”

---------------

PRESENT

---------------

Elias grinned to himself at that. She was right, she’s not sweet. She’s not mean but she surely isn’t sweet. Just like him. And she was the perfect amount of smartass, beautiful, loving, funny, antisocial, tough, and strong. She was literally everything he could’ve wanted.

Before he let himself get too lost in that thought of her again, he responded “ok, yeah I guess.”

“Didn’t Quinn tell you that I don't like Marky like 10 times?”

“Yeah, but I just- the way you guys act around each other. It just would make sense.”

“Well, now you know.”

Silence filled the room once more, you looked over at Elias. he was smiling and looking down at his hands. You continued to be mesmerized by just how beautiful the boy in front of you looked. With his backwards snap back and sweats, it seemed as though he had just thrown on a random outfit, and to anyone else that was probably what they would think. But that didn't matter to you, he was just so pretty and it filled your brain with too many thoughts. thoughts that you knew you shouldn't be having about him because he clearly wasn't your biggest fan. But that got you thinking even more (which is dangerous), he was acting different, it seemed as though he had let his guard down. He's never done that with you, in fact it felt like when you were around him, his guard was reinforced. He looked a little softer, sweeter, the guy you met at the Dice-and-Ice gala, you think. All you wanted was for that guard to stay down, giving you access to the guy you had a crush on, not just his hard outer shell. 

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< ———————— >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

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[babyboy-cody]

‘ ‘ chapter | 01 ’ ’

complex desires. ( prologue ) ( masterlist )

SUMMARY: It’s the first week of classes after winter break, but you’re not exactly used to seeing new faces - teachers and students in between.

WARNINGS: explicit language, mentions of mental disorders, anxious thoughts, anxiety attack

WORD COUNT: 2.8k

NOTES: i’m currently writing this chapter while drinking a big ass mug of hot cocoa. also, hunter’s pronouns are they/them! this series is one i’m most excited for. hope you kiddies enjoy <3

It was still early when the clouds gave off their rain to the grass and trees, when the road became alive with more splashes than your eyes could appreciate. Yet together they brought such a soothing sound, a natural melody every bit as beautiful as a mother's soulful hum. You felt each splash that touched your skin, watching as your cardigan become a deeper, more rocky hue. It was as if earlier the street had been a matte photograph, only to be washed as glossy as any magazine page.

Each raindrop is a kaleidoscope, if people could only see more closely. You wonder as you walk how it would be to stop time, to suspend this watery gift and peek through each one. Perhaps it would be fun to sit inside those raindrops and take that gravity propelled ride to the earth, as you imagine it you feel your inner self laughing – a little at the crazy daydream and a little at your own silliness. You see the rain beads upon the cars, upon each leaf and washing your outstretched fingers. Soon they will pull together, forming the puddles, opening up a whole new avenue of rain-related fun. Perhaps it isn't normal to love a rainy day so much, but who cares about normal anyway? You’re pretty sure "normal" is a made up thing.

Upon the umbrella come the playful sounds of dancing drops, and from it's rim comes the sight of their more relaxed cousins, dripping as if their soul purpose was to bring a sense of ease and calm to the day. And as the rain became more intense, it began to soak the bottom of each dark blue jean leg, deepening the denim to a stronger hue, bringing your brown boots to a glossy water-shine, becoming a kind of natural cocoon.

Each raindrop is a doorway into nature's heart, an invitation of sorts, a request for your soul to rejoin creation. In the rain there is a serenity, a sense of peace that offers to resonate with the peaceful elements of the soul. Walking among those drops is your meditation, a way to fully become present in the moment, a way to feel free.

There was a vibration coming to life in the back pocket of your jeans, cutting you out of your peaceful daydream in the rain. You stepped to the side to allow a cyclist to pass by and gave him a brief smile when he nodded his head in thanks. When you pulled out your phone to read the contact, you instantly smiled when seeing Mickey’s name on the screen.

“Okay, first off, hello. Second off, where the hell are you? Me and Hunter – okaayy – Hunter and I have been in the cafeteria since 7:15 in the goddamn morning,” she immediately went off as soon as you put the phone to your ear. “Also, did you take your meds today? My alarm went off as a reminder.”

“First off, hi back, Mick. Second off, it’s been 15 minutes and I’m five minutes away from the school. It’s fine if we don’t have breakfast today just once,” you laughed as you heard her scoff. “And thirdly, yes mom, I did take my meds. I actually have to get another refill for my BPD meds. Thank you for asking.”

“Yeah, yeah. Well, you better hurry. We have the last of your favorite yogurt and Hunter’s close to eating the damn thing,” you heard Mickey laugh as she shushes her significant other. “Also, be careful coming around the usual entrance. The school is doing some bogus construction to add a statue of the principal.”

“You’re shitting me!” You exclaimed, earning a dirty glare from a tiny senior citizen as she slowly walks passed you with her small cane. “What the hell did this prick do to earn that? Also, can you grab me a fruit cup too? I’ve been craving kiwi’s for some odd reason.”

“Well, he’s wicked rich and can basically do anything in this school and get away with it, literally. And there’s no fruit cups today, but there’s a bag of sliced apples and tangerine slices,” Mickey told you as she huffed, which you assume is her getting out of her seat to go back to the assortment of breakfast foods. “Ooh, there’s bagels too. I think they just added these.”

“Jesus Christ, this statue is stupid as hell,” you groaned and stood in front of the half built statue, your principal’s name on a gold plated plaque attached to the marble. “This guy really needs an ego boost, huh? And just tangerine slices then. I’m heading inside.”

“Alright, see you soon, baby doll.” She annoyingly kisses into the phone as you snorted and rolled your eyes at her antics.

Sliding your phone back into your pocket, you stood outside the entrance doors and shook the leftover raindrops from your yellow umbrella before closing it. You inhaled the fresh rain water for one last time before grasping onto the freezing cold and disgustingly wet doorknob and pulling it open to head inside. There was a small litter of students here and there; some reading new announcements on the bulletin board in the main hall; some sitting in the lounging chairs with laptops or textbooks open on their laps; some sitting on the ground with a half empty bottle of water beside their laps and phones in their hands, headphones in their ears. You terribly, annoyingly, and oddly missed this. You missed the bustle of students laughing and running down the halls. You missed it all, even if it has been two weeks.

You hear loud chatter coming from just ahead, so you know you’re about to enter the cafeteria area. Just as you’re about to do so, you stop in your tracks in front of a bulletin board. There were a few posters for new clubs, as well as study groups, upcoming announcements, room changes, and more. But one that really struck out to you was a new story writing group, specifically for writers or English majors. You felt a burst of excitement spread throughout your chest and settle into the pit of your stomach. You made sure to take a quick photo of the sheet beforr moving on into the cafeteria.

Almost immediately, you spotted Hunters straight platinum blonde hair and fiery streaks on one side while the other was icy blue. Sitting in front of them was Mickey, her hair curly and unruly, making you wonder if she rolled out of bed, threw some clothes on, and called it a day. You felt your cheek mucles twitch as your lips pulled up into a bright smile. Hunter was the first to notice you. They looked up at you passed Mickey’s shoulder and smiled so brightly that it made you reciprocate. They adorned bright orange eyeshadow with white eyeliner, making their eyes pop out even more. You loved how they didn’t cake on makeup, they kept it simple, yet so drop dead gorgeous.

“There she is, the man of the hour,” they announced and got up from their seat to pull you in for a warm, tight hug. “I missed you so much. I’m so sorry for not messaging you the entire break. We didn’t have any service whatsoever.” There was a crestfallen look on Hunter’s face and you held their cheeks so they wouldn’t look away.

“Look at me, don’t stress about it, okay? Did you at least have fun?” They nodded with a pout. You grinned and gave their forehead a kiss before pulling them in for another hug.

“Okay, first you’re late. And now you’re stealing my person. I see how it is,” Mickey smirked as you gave her the bird behind Hunter’s back as you both pulled away from the hug. “Hi Y/N.”

“Hi Michelle,” you responded in the same tone as you sat in an empty chair around the table. “Give me my tangerine, please.” She passed you the small cup of tangerine slices with a grin when you began eating them.

“You been eating three times a day?” She asked you, looking at you through her mane of curls rather than pushing her hair away. You shrugged and kept your eyes on the half empty cup in your hands. “Y/N..”

“I’m doing it little by little, Mick. And I’m starting to drink water too,” you blushed and laughed softly when her and Hunter began praising you. Praise was something you weren’t used to, but hearing it every now and then really gave you butterflies. “It’s nothing..”

“Are you kidding me?” Hunter laughed and reached over to lay a hand over yours. “This is amazing. This is progress and we’re both so very proud of you.”

“You’ve come a long way,” Mickey lightly bumped your shoulder with her knuckles as Hunter pulled away. “You should do a meal plan like I did when I had to get my weight back up, so that way you don’t forget to eat three times a day.”

“I don’t know.. I don’t exactly have the funds to buy a lot of groceries. I had to use over $100 of my food stamps cause almost everything in my kitchen was old,” you huffed and popped another tangerine slice into your mouth. “Plus, I’ve been busy with finding a job and paying for my therapy appointments and doing school work, and it’s all so fucking overwhelming.”

The first bell rang, signaling students to begin their walk to class with only a few more minutes to spare. You grabbed your shoulder bag and stood beside Mickey while she held onto Hunter’s hand. The three of you passed by a swarm of students; freshman’s and sophomores running by to get to the lecture halls early; juniors having their books and laptops already out and pressed to their chests; seniors loitering in the halls with their friends. Thankfully, you, Hunter, and Mickey had your first English class together.

“How about this?” Mickey began. “Hunter and I will help pay for your groceries.” She hushed you as you began to lightly protest. “Listen, you already got a lot on your plate. I’d be a really shitty best friend if I allowed you to deal with all that. So every week, we’re gonna swing by your place to drop off some stuff, okay? I’ll create a meal plan for you with your favorites, so that way we’re taking that worry for money off your back.”

“Mick, you don’t have to do that for me. Like I said, I’ll find a way,” you mumbled and shrugged as you walked up the long staircase to head up to the lecture halls. “I couldn’t do that to you guys.”

“Y/N,” Hunter stopped you three in the middle of the hallway. “We care about you and we don’t want you going down that negative route alone. We both have jobs and enough money to cover Mickey and I, and it’ll seriously make me the happiest if you let us do this, please.”

“Two more minutes until class begins,” the voiceover on the speaker spoke.

“Fine,” you sighed, feeling a smile pull your lips as you all continued walking to the English room. “I love you both. And I’m very grateful for you to do this for me.”

“We know,” Mickey told you as she kissed your cheek obnoxiously, causing you to groan and Hunter to laugh. “But in all seriousness, don’t be a stranger to asking, okay?”

You nodded and gave her a reassuring smile as you made your up the steps to your seats in the bottom middle row. Mickey sat in between you and Hunter as more students filled the class. There was light chatter and soft clatter as seats were pulled down and the folding desks were pulled up. You set your bag between your feet, being cautious of not getting it dirty from your boots. Pulling out your spiral notebook that had four sections, you neatly wrote the course name, your name, and the date. Nervously clicking your pen, you tried to block out the noise that had started to get a little too loud. Nibbling on your bottom lip to distract yourself, your feet began tapping on its own while you tapped your pen on your book. Mickey and Hunter were having a conversation of their own, so they didn’t notice the early signs of a small anxiety attack.

An invisible hand clasps over your mouth; an equally ghostly hypodermic of adrenaline pierces your heart, unloading in an instant. You feel your ribs heaving as if bound by ropes, straining to inflate your lungs. Your head is a carousel of fears spinning out of control, each one pushing your mind into blackness. You want to run; you need to freeze. Sounds that were near feel far away, like you’re no longer in the body that sits paralyzed in the cold seat. Your breath comes out in rapid, shallow breaths as you shake your head at yourself.

“No, no, no,” you harshly whisper as your bobbing knee gets almost frantic.

You felt the panic begin like a cluster of spark plugs in your abdomen. Tension grew your her face and limbs, your mind replaying the last attack. You held onto the sides of your head, your elbows digging into the hardness of your desk. Your only movement was the trembling of your limbs and salty tears darkening your sleeves. There you stayed, unaware of the numerous eyes watching you until Mickey turned and noticed your frantic state.

“Shit,” she hissed and slung her arm across your desk as the other wrapped around your shoulders. “I’m here, Y/N. It’s okay.. sshhh.. I’m right here.” She noticed a few students staring, to which she narrowed her eyes and snarled, “What the fuck are you looking at, dipshits?!” They immediately looked away after being caught. She turned her attention back on you. “What’s going on, huh?” Her voice was soft and soothing as she smoothed her hand down your hair.

“It-It’s so.. loud,” you hiccuped and covered your face even more when a sob escaped your lips, spit flying onto your hands as you felt your neck, cheeks, and ears heat up out of embarrassment and shame. “I can’t stop it, Mick. I-I can’t!”

Hunter sat on the other side of you, reaching down to get your back, shuffling their hand inside to pull out your earplugs and inhaler. They handed the earplugs fo Mickey while pressing the opening of the inhaler to your lips. “Come on, babe,” they quietly told you and tucked a few strands of hair behind your ears, lightly blowing on your flushed skin to cool it down. “There we go,” they gently said when you took two deep puffs of your inhaler while Mickey made sure your earplugs were snug inside your ears. You felt your lungs open up as the cold, bitter medicine settled on your tongue.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper and shook your head, wiping away the last of your tears. You sniffled and looked at Mickey and Hunter. “I-I don’t know what happened.. it just... happened.”

“It’s always unexplained, but don’t be sorry for something you can’t control, okay?” Mickey told you firmly while making sure you were looking into her eyes. “This doesn’t make you any less of a person.”

Hunter smiled and sat your bag back between your feet before moving to their seat next to Mickey. All the students had settled down, their conversations now a quiet murmur. You felt relieved as you pulled your earplugs out and slid them inside your protective case, making sure the lid was closed tight before shoving it into your bag. Mickey kept an eye on you the entire time, making sure no one triggered you. She sat with an elbow resting on the back her chair with her legs lightly spread.

“You’re man-spreading,” you quietly told her, laughing quietly when she flipped you off.

Suddenly, the metal doors opened and a man hurriedly walks in with an expensive looking leather messenger back over his shoulder. Your lips parted and you sat up straight in your seat when he gave the class a guilty smile. You’ve never seen him in the school. Not even before break. He must’ve been in a different department and just got transferred to the English center. He deeply intrigued you. You noticed the other girls in the class twirling their hair in a cliché way with the tips of their pens between their teeth. He wore all black, and it was so very different compared to what other professors wore. There was no sweater vest or button up shirt. He just wore a comfortable and soft looking black sweater with black jeans and black boots. His dirty blonde - almost brunette - hair was perfectly styled. He looked devastatingly handsome.

“Hello, my name is Professor Shepherd and I’m going to be your English teacher for the rest of the semester. Professor Winifred recently had her baby during winter break and shall be back for the next semester,” he gave another knee-weakening grin as he clapped his hands together. “Shall we get started?”

[wowweeharrystyles]

Part 15 | The Final Show | 5.9k words

‘Sequins & Zippers’ Summary: An internship with Harry Lambert transformed into a job of a lifetime - Aurora Del Gatto finds herself touring the world with the one & only Harry Styles as his ‘Head of Wardrobe.’ Aurora is nothing but nerves & excitement as she packs her bags & almost 100 custom designer suits that belong to an unbelievably kind rockstar. She never thought she’d fall in love on top of it all.

Sequins & Zippers Masterlist

General Masterlist

A/N: as the title suggests, this is the final show, the end of s&z. I want to thank literally anyone who has read a single word of this story. I started Aurora & Harry’s story at the end of hslot18 & was working on it off & on but set out to finish & post it all in 2020. Thank you for not only reading but for bearing with me when I posted late or not at all. I love these 2 with my whole ass heart. & a big sappy shout out to @sadaboutniall​ for chatting through S&Z with me for well over a year & not getting sick of me (or at least not telling me AKLNADSHADF) & for still to this day sending me links to random things & being like ‘omg this is so aurora’ 🖤

anyways, here we go, the final part to Aurora & Harry’s story, for now. 

love you all, mean it. 

Don’t forget to reblog :) 

__________

Aurora made sure to wake up before Harry. She knew it wouldn’t be too hard considering how late they were up after the show last night, high off the 1st show in LA and celebrating Mitch’s birthday. She wrote him a note saying she’d meet him at The Forum and left it on his bedside table. Tiptoeing through Harry’s unfamiliar LA home, Aurora gets ready quickly. It’s gonna be a long day, she knows it and the early sunrise is just starting to cast through the windows. Her phone dings from her bag on the counter and it’s Jeff letting her know a car is picking her up from Harry’s in 10 minutes. 

She’s still not used to all of this, the jet black private cars and the back doors to arenas even after 67 shows in 5 months. It still makes her anxiety spike when she doesn’t know where she is exactly or where she’s going. She’s learned to trust more, trust her own gut, trust people that are on her side, her team, her family. Aurora’s still not used to the fact that this is her life but just as it’s gotten more and more familiar, it’s about to change. 

Large cardboard boxes are waiting for her when she gets to The Forum and meets up with Jeff.

“Have you opened them yet?” Aurora asks him, giddily. 

“Nope, was waiting for you. It’s all you,” Jeff says while motioning to the boxes. 

Aurora rips open the top box and a wide smile finds a home on her face. 

Harry Styles

The Final Show

Of The 

First Tour

Of The

Debut Album

Los Angeles

California

“Oh my god, they’re perfect,” Aurora exclaims. As she admires them Jeff is directing a group of people to start handing them out. Aurora grabs one for her and another for Harry before she gets to work helping hand out the tshirts to everyone. The crew and all the tour staff are changing into the matching white t-shirts when Aurora’s phone chimes with a text from Harry letting her know he’s left and on the way. Aurora’s smile hasn’t left her face since she got to The Forum this morning and she knows the smile will only get bigger as the day goes on. She also knows that if she stops smiling she might start crying and she’s not ready for that yet. 

Aurora and Helene make their way to the tunnel they know Harry will be driving into and parking his car. They’re waiting for him in their matching t-shirts, Helene’s camera ready and giggling about something from the night before when they see the first glimpse of Harry’s bright yellow car come into view up the ramp. His windows are down, music is playing loudly and he’s wearing his pink tinted sunglasses as he pulls in. People are bustling around, some arriving for the first time today and others already running around with lists to complete before the final show. Everyone looks the same and it’s exactly how Aurora wanted it. The celebratory t-shirts remind her of the big productions they put on at school or the end of year dance recitals. She likes the feeling it creates when everyone’s decked out in their shirts and she wants to celebrate Harry and his entire team. The final show. It’s marking the end of an era. His era. 

When Harry gets out of his car, tossing his duffle over his shoulder and sliding his glasses into his hair he stops before he gets to closing the driver door. Aurora hears the click of Helene’s camera. A dimpled smile forms on Harry’s face and no one is really sure if it’s because Aurora’s waiting for him or it’s the tshirts everyone seems to have gotten the memo about. He closes the door eventually and beelines straight for Aurora. 

“I have a feeling you have something to do with this,” Harry says as he tugs lightly at Aurora’s t-shirt. 

“Might have,” she giggles before kissing him quickly. “Happy final show day!” 

“Don’t make me cry already,” he whines, wrapping his arms around Aurora’s shoulders before hiding his face in her hair. 

There hasn’t been a single moment of silence all day. The excited chatter, the reminiscing of the crazy moments of the past 5 months, the inevitable tears from just about everyone as they begin their goodbyes. Aurora hasn’t strayed much from Harry all day, only once to sneak out to the entrance of The Forum to see all the displays with Helene and check out the lines of fans. Aurora had to cut her adventure short when she felt her eyes start to fill with tears. She wasn’t ready to deal with that yet. 

They’re finally alone in Harry’s dressing room and the silence is welcomed. There’s still bustling and muted chatter and excitement coming from the other side of the door. 

Aurora adjusts the shoulders of Harry’s velvet jacket once he’s slid his arms through the sleeves. She lets out a heavy sigh when she drops her arms to her sides. Harry gives her a look that she can only guess is in place of a million words that he can’t manage to string together right now. Aurora has a million and one that she would like to say to him but it’s not the time or place and she really doesn’t want to cry right now. In the silence, Harry pulls at Aurora’s shoulder and wraps his arms around her tight. 

“Your shirt is gonna get all wrinkly,” Aurora comments after a few beats. She doesn’t make a move to pull away from Harry, instead she carefully buries her head into his shoulder and squeezes him tighter. 

As if on cue, a knock on the door pulls them apart. Harry calls back letting whoever had knocked that he’ll be ready in a minute. Harry kisses Aurora quickly before he grabs his boots from the bottom of the wardrobe case and sits down on the couch to slide them on. 

“Ope, love, got some lipstick on you,” Aurora notices. Her lips quirk up in a smirk as she grabs for a makeup wipe nearby. Harry’s standing from the couch when she turns back to him. “Lemme,” she offers, a soft hand reaching up to cup his jaw to hold his head in place. As she goes to wipe away the red waxy mark across his mouth, she pauses first. “One last good luck kiss,” she whispers. When her lips meet his, it's like their tiny little world unfurls right before them. As if today hadn’t been reminiscent enough, Aurora is reminded of all the moments they’ve spent here in what feels like the same dressing room that has just been picked up and moved to another city every day. As Harry runs a light touch down Aurora’s arm they’re both reminded of the small burn mark that’s left from the steamer back in Germany. And Aurora can’t help but pull him in closer because that was one of those early memories that she knew he was a good one, that he wasn’t just some rich pop star that had a revolving door of women coming through his hotel rooms. Another knock pulls them away, yet again. And when Aurora opens her eyes she can't help but squint because she has literally sunshine staring back at her. She steps away only a few inches and goes back to what she was meant to be doing. Wiping away the red stain from Harry’s mouth, she avoids his eyes and focuses on the colour disappearing from his skin. 

“Should touch up your lippy,” Harry chuckles when Aurora fully pulls away to toss the dirty makeup wipe in the bin. Aurora takes a look in the mirror and laughs along with him. 

“Yikes, I’ll fix this and meet you out there okay?” 

“Promise me you’ll be right here when I get off stage tonight?” 

“Of course,” Aurora promises, squeezing his hand. The last bit of the pre show playlist starts to near the end and Aurora wants to find her spot in the audience and she has just one last surprise for Harry before he starts his last show. “I should go find my seat,” she almost whispers, not really wanting to leave him just yet, but time is running out. She reluctantly kisses his cheek, careful not to leave any lipstick behind and pulls a piece of paper out of her pocket and hands it to him. “Thought I owed you a note,” she says before she begins to walk away. “Good luck!” She blows him one last kiss before walking through a curtain, away from Harry and into the audience.

Harry, 

No words will ever properly describe how proud I am of you. You will forever be my biggest inspiration; from your music to the way kindness is embedded in everything you do. You have changed so many people's lives and I am lucky enough to say that mine is forever changed because I am loved by you. I love you so much. 

You are absolute sunshine. 

Have fun on stage, rockstar. 

Love ya ta bits, Harry Styles. 

All the love. As always, 

Rory

Nobody is there to see it, but his eyes sparkle, even in the dark of the backstage. The sparkle could be a reflection from the already flashing stage lights or it could be another tear trying to make its way out of his eye, it’s hard to tell at this point. He takes a shaky breath and thanks all the rock gods before him for his life. He reads the note one more time before folding it back up and sliding into the pocket at the inside of his jacket and running up the stairs as the opening of Only Angel begins. 

“Good evening, Los Angeles. Welcome to the final show!” Harry speaks for the first time since appearing on the stage. There are chills running down Aurora’s spine as the entire arena erupts in earth shattering screams in reaction to Harry using his own lyrics as an homage to the tour. Aurora keeps catching the faces of fans in the pit and around her when the lights flicker against their tear splotted faces but bright smiles still permanently shine regardless. She can’t even begin to explain the beating of her heart, the fullness of her chest, the tingle in her fingers. It’s truly remarkable that they can hear Harry’s voice at all over everyone singing along to every song. 

As Stockholm Syndrome begins, Aurora smiles even brighter remembering where it all started. The pink suit she had to repair in a quick few minutes and hearing a lone Harry Styles sing a song the world is used to hearing being sung by 5 boys. It’s a moment of shock that jolts Aurora as she stands against the banister and she shakes her head because she’s missing it. Missing Harry give this song his all. Probably the last time he’ll ever perform this song. Cause the next time around he’ll have more of his own music to share and won’t be able to make a disclaimer about only having 10 songs to his own name. 

Alongside Stockholm Syndrome, there’s a list of songs he’ll never perform live again but Aurora does her best not dwell on that because she gets to hear him sing for the rest of her life. 

Sweet Creature and If I Could Fly leave the majority of the audience swaying slowly, still singing along and Harry barely manages to open his eyes. When he does open his eyes it's only for a moment and he’ll catch a glimpse of someone in front of him and he can’t help but stupidly smile. He’s soaking it all in. He wants to remember this feeling. He wants to remember the sound of an echoey arena when the audience sings along gently, completely in unison, filling in the parts he doesn’t sing anymore. They aren’t yelling or screaming the lyrics, but treating them with care, the same way Harry has delivered these lyrics to them every night. He tries to quiet them down and it takes longer than it has any other night. 

“Shh, it’s your turn,” he says with such a calming tone that Aurora stops dead in her tracks. She knows that voice better than anyone and she instantly loses the tingling of nerves in her fingers. She welcomes the calm and closes her eyes for a second. The sound of everyone in the room finishing If I Could Fly for him makes his heart float right up to his throat and it threatens to fall out and explode as the singing continues and he keeps playing his guitar. God, he’ll miss this, he thinks. He finishes the last few lines with the audience and closes his eyes again. He’s really gonna fucking miss this. 

“I’d like to invite my wonderful band up on the stage,” Harry interludes while moving his mic to a new spot and adjusting his guitar. A little surprise for the final show. And yet again, Harry shushes the audience as the excitement of something unique to the Final Show arises. 

I’ve got a girl crush. 

The audience erupts so loudly so quickly it's startling. It's impressive how loud the audience is when they start singing along to a song that hasn’t been on a single set list all tour. The way Harry sings this song in particular reminds Aurora of all the times she gets to hear him sing when he’s on his own, not putting on a show, singing for himself. 

I hate to admit it but, I’ve got a heart rush, it ain’t slowing down.

This is how he sounds when he’s messing around, having fun, pure undeniable joy while singing. It’s different behind closed doors somehow. He doesn’t mind when his voice cracks, or belts too high and he can’t finish the lyrics or even a single word. He laughs at himself in those moments and Aurora isn’t sure if he’s aware of it when he’s singing around like that. She loves him in those moments, soft and carefree. 

“This is the final night of the tour, of everything,” Harry says after the lights on the audience have turned up and he’s back on the mainstage. He points to a fan in the audience “What’s wrong with you?” He mimics the girl shaking her head, clearly not wanting to come to terms that this is the final show. “Oh you’re just sad?” he asks to confirm. Harry’s voice pitches up, “how do you think I feel?” and the audience erupts in laughter. It's the theme of the evening, being emotional over the final show, being excited to be there. Harry see’s Kacey in the middle of the pit and she’s holding a sign thanking him. Harry praises her from the stage and thanks her in return for joining the tour. 

“We’re gonna sing another song for you now, but before we go any further I will be thanking people along the way. I hope you don’t mind. There are so many people in this audience tonight that quite simply I wouldn’t be on this stage without.” Harry pauses and turns his head in the direction where he knows everyone close to him is at. “All of you, you know who you are. Thank you so much for coming tonight. I love you very much. Thank you for being here with us tonight.” Somehow in a room of thousands of people Harry finds Aurora’s eyes. “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” he runs on before a quick pause. “And,” he gathers his thoughts again, clearly losing what he was meaning to say or do next, “I’ll see you in a little bit,” he rambles quickly. 

“Promise me you’ll be right here when I get off stage tonight?”

The simple request rings in Aurora’s head and she misses what he says or does next but when she focuses back in the opening notes give her the gist of what he might have said. 

It’s the song that made him. The beginning of it all, really. Yelling along to these lyrics is anyone's right of passage into the room filled with love and kindness. Aurora knows this song isn’t one that will be performed for it’s last time tonight. It's his anthem as an artist, as Harry Styles. It's the song anyone and everyone knows regardless if you were ever a One Direction or Harry Styles fan. What Makes You Beautiful echoes off the walls and the floor and the ceiling and even though Harry has fully made it his own, changed the octave, changed the backing track, changed the rhythm of the lyrics, every single person that fills The Forum is singing along like it’s the original track. As the audience sings the version they’ve known for 7 years and Harry performs his solo rendition, it’s hard to fight the utter joy that erupts in Aurora’s chest. 

The anthem is completed with Harry dancing around the stage while waving 3 different flags. The image alone ecompases the whole point of this song, the whole point of this tour, the whole entire fucking point of Treat People With Kindness. And right now there’s nothing more Aurora loves than watching Harry dance along to the “na na na’s.” His hair wildly flopping around, the light reflecting off of the gold and silver details, the sight of the ENTIRE pit jumping up and down. 

“Okay, let’s get emotional,” Harry says before asking for the lights up again. “Thank you, this is part of the show where I’m gonna say thank you to a couple people, then I’m gonna sing a song and then I’m gonna leave. We’re gonna all pretend like I’ve gone but 90 seconds later I’m gonna come back and do a couple more songs. Alright?” Screams, nothing but screams fill the room. 

As Harry begins his thank you speech to his crew Aurora just knows. He’s hitting that point where it’s all really sinking in. He’s taking long pauses between words but masking it as needing to take a breather from being out of breath from singing and dancing. Aurora knows, though. She knows he’s pushing back the tears, swallowing down the bittersweetness of it all. 

“Thank you to my friends, my family, my manager, to all who are all in the audience tonight.” And then Harry starts to stutter over his words. “I-I have to thank my Head of Wardrobe that’s been on tour with me since March.” Aurora brings her hands up to her heart because this is the thank you she wasn’t prepared for. “Thank you for making me sparkle just right on stage and for making sure this was always a family show after I ripped several trousers.” And that’s where Harry leaves it. He doesn’t finish the family show bit, but the audience knows enough to finish it for him. 

Aurora’s in shock. It was unexpected and she feels like there’s cotton in her ears as the audience continues to scream and she hears waves of “aw” coming from the fans when they put it together. Jeff claps a hand on Aurora’s shoulder and it brings her back to the moment. Aurora mouths a thank you to Harry on stage while he’s still looking in her direction. 

Harry shakes his head before completing his thank yous to the fans. The ones who made this all possible. 

Sign of the Times hurts. It really truly hurts. The way his vocals are pretty much perfect and there’s almost a pained look on his face as he belts through it. Aurora doesn’t take her eyes off of him the entire time. He feels it too, the heavy emotion of the song. And he knows he’s not crying in a cool way, he’s crying cause this is it for now. This is the last of it. There's no reason to act cool about it. And Aurora can see the sparkle in his eye and it’s not from the rhinestones on his jacket. It’s from the tears that are welling up in his waterline 

And it’s when he snaps his mic back into the stand at center stage, lets out a quick breath through pursed lips, his eyes looking up to the ceiling, that Aurora knows he’s really crying. The quick wipe across his eyes and cheek solidifies the thought. 

We don’t talk enough. We should open up. 

And then there are tears brimming in her eyes. And as he continues to sing Sign of the Times she lets the tears fall for the first time that day. 

“I hope to be seeing you all very soon.” The gritty opening of Kiwi starts and it rattles Aurora’s chest. The last and final song of the tour. Harry blows Aurora a kiss before fully going for it. It's the end and he’s got nothing to lose. 

There’s a sinking feeling when Harry goes for his water bottle once he’s finished singing the last lyric of Kiwi. It’s the end. 

But it seems that it’s not. His band doesn’t stop playing and Harry swallows the last gulp of water he took and launches into Kiwi for a 2nd time. 

Aurora’s jaw drops. She had no idea. He hadn’t told her about this. She wishes she could say she’s surprised that this is something he planned but she really isn’t. When she thinks about it, she should’ve known. 

It’s pure adrenaline coursing through him. There are no words to describe him on stage right now. Carefree or loose doesn’t even cut it. He’s out of breath but STILL dancing around, singing into the mic and engaging with the audience and his band. 

“Holland tunnel for a nose it’s always backed up!” The audience yells when he points the mic towards them unable to finish the line himself. 

And then he snaps his mic into the stand and starts to jog down the stairs and through the aisle. Aurora just laughs cause at this point there’s literally no telling what he does next. A cordless mic appears in his hand halfway down the aisle. 

I’m having your baby!

He appears on the b stage, a spotlight following him the entire time. As Harry dances along to the music Aurora’s hands go into her hair and her eyes widen. She can’t help but shake her head when he changes the lyrics. 

She’s all over me and I'm exhausted, I’m exhausted. Sing it ! 

And he’s running back down the stairs, through the aisle again and up the main stage stairs. Aurora’s still in her spot unable to even dance around or sing along as she watches him. It’s entrancing to watch this all go down in front of her. He catches a sunflower mid air when he’s back on stage. Literally anything could happen at this point. 

Aurora’s sure he’s gonna collapse right there on stage but he doesn’t, yet. He takes a last sip of water and makes his way to center stage for the finale. 

He sticks his tongue out which indicates to the fans that he’s not finished yet, he’s not ending this night just yet. He’s not about to do the signature whale. Instead, he pumps up the crowd, mouthing “make some noise,” and then he motions to Alex, his guitar tech and the rest of his sound crew that are at the side of the stage. Aurora catches him yelling “I’m exhausted,” to them but still turns away and walks back to center stage. He makes eye contact with each of his band mates and circles a hand around above his head to indicate One More Time. He raises up his pointer finger to Mitch, “one more time” he mouths at him. 

“Should we do it one more time?” Harry yells. 

Earth shattering screams are the response and Aurora thinks all the times before when she thought that she’s never heard such a deafening audience she was wrong. Because now, in this moment at The Forum with Harry asking the audience if he should do Kiwi for a 3rd time she knows it’s the loudest thing she’s ever heard in her entire life. The sound will ring in her ears for days. 

And so he goes for it again. A third time. Now she’s in shock. 

She worked her wait through a cheap pack of cigarettes, 

Hard liquor mixed with a little bit of intellect

And all the boys they were saying she was into it

Such a pretty-

He’s well and truly out of breath. The look on his face is helpless. “Sing it,” he manages to breathe out into the mic before almost doubling over. So instead of taking the mic with him and trying to muster through the vocals, he leaves the mic snapped in and walks away from it. He’s mouthing the lyrics as every single person in the audience yells them to him. He’s walking back and forth from stage left to stage right, making sure to give enough of himself to every single person in the room. 

The shock has slightly worn off and there’s a hint of concern weighing on Aurora but she still sings along with everyone. He ends up singing some of the chorus but he really can’t get through much of it on his own. He doesn’t finish a single line himself the rest of the song but he doesn’t care, nobody cares. Even though he can't muster up the energy or adrenaline to sing he doesn’t stop dancing. He’s tangling himself up in his mic cord and Aurora hopes he’s got enough luck and adrenaline left in him to not fall. 

And now she’s all over me, it’s like I paid for it, It’s like I paid for it,  I'm gonna pay for this. 

He drops to his knees center stage, head hanging low. It's a quick second of pure exhaustion before he’s bobbing his head around, hair flying and arms pumping. 

Finally, as Kiwi comes to an end for the 3rd time that night, he takes a sip of water and gives the final show. He sprays water into the air, the music blares out and the lights flare. 

“I’m gonna go get him,” Aurora tells Jeff before leaving their section. She moves through the pit as Harry is hugging his band once the music ends. She understands now, the last thing he said to her before getting on stage. The look on his face when he goes to hug Mitch says it all. Aurora waits backstage near the stage steps, watching Harry, Mitch, Sarah, Clare and Adam take their final bow. She hugs Harry’s bandmates as they come down the stairs one at a time. Harry is taking one more lap of the stage before he is walking off, a stark contrast from how he normally runs off the stage after all of his other shows. When he reaches the stairs he walks down slowly and lets out a big sigh, shoulders dropping and a hopeless look appears on his face as his feet hit the floor. Aurora feels like she can’t move fast enough towards him even though she’s not even 2 feet from the stairs. She wraps her arms tightly around his shoulders, his face instantly finding a home hiding in her neck. A sob racks through his chest and she reaches up to place a hand in his hair. He’s breathing heavily and she’s running her hand over the back of his head, smoothing down his curls. Harry wraps his arms around her waist, his grip getting tighter every second they stand there.  

“Hey, Sunshine,” Aurora says softly, her hands making their way to Harry’s cheeks, so she can look him in the eyes. Once she makes out his face in the dark, she can see that his eyes are already swelling up from the tears that are now consistently flowing down his cheeks. “Hey,” she coos at him, using the pads of her thumbs to wipe the tears from the top of his cheeks. Aurora’s heart breaks at the sight in front of her but she knows she needs to be his rock right now. She can be sad about this tour ending later. She can be emotional about how proud she is of Harry, later. Aurora kisses him softly, fitting their lips together perfectly, just as they always do. The kiss is a bit more wet than normal, from the tears still falling down Harry’s face. When they break apart, he offers her a small smile before there’s a laugh erupting from him. He takes his hands from her waist and uses the back of his hands to wipe at his eyes roughly. 

“That was the final show,” he says softly. 

“Yeah,” she sighs, her hands reaching to grab for his, “you did it, Rockstar.” He drops his head onto Aurora’s shoulder again. He’s utterly exhausted, physically and emotionally.  “Come on, let’s go get you some water and I���m pretty sure you’ve got some friends that wanna say congrats.”  She drops his hands and wraps one arm around his waist and he throws one over her shoulder as they make their way to the double doors that lead them to the dressing rooms and lounges. 

“Thanks for being there when I got off,” he says as he presses a kiss to her hair, “knew I was barely gonna make it to the end.” 

“Wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.” 

It’s a weird feeling, pulling every single suit from the wardrobe cases. It’s a weird feeling to be around while the stage gets taken down. They never stayed long enough after a show night to see it get taken down, Aurora’s only ever seen it being built night after night. It’s stupidly therapeutic and symbolic Aurora thinks to herself as she checks off another item of clothing on her list. 

She really doesn’t have to be organizing Harry’s suits right now. She doesn’t need to be taking inventory at this exact moment. This could easily wait till tomorrow afternoon. But Harry’s been lingering around the Forum since his last guest left. He’s completely sober even after the several drinks he tossed back with friends in the backstage lounge in celebration. Everyone’s left besides the crew. Harry can’t pull himself together enough to leave and accept that tour is over. That this era is over. 

“I’m gonna go away for awhile. I’m gonna make some more music and I will see you again very soon.”

The 2 sentences echo in his head. The hitch in his throat comes back every time he thinks about it. He’s having a hard time saying goodbye to this. He’s never loved the end of tour. It’s too bittersweet. The performing bit is his favourite part of his job. This time though, it's more bitter than sweet because he doesn't have to go running back home to fit in all the time with his loved ones. The past 2 years have been on his terms. He doesn’t have to hectically plan visits or vacations. He gets to take his time. Go stay with his mum for a month if he wants, travel with Gemma and Michael, visit his god children, freaking write music whenever he wants, whenever the inspiration comes about. 

Harry knows the inspiration won’t be hard to find. He takes a glance over at Rory. Her tongue is poking out between her lips in concentration as she examines another one of his suits. He can’t help the blush that rises to his cheeks as he watches her. His Rory. He knows in the back of his mind that he’ll have to say goodbye to her more than he would like in the next couple of months. More goodbyes than they’ve ever shared in the past 5. That’s what makes this more bitter than sweet. 

Harry just sits on one of the crates as he chats with his crew. It’s the most genuine time he’s been able to spend with them but he knows these people, his tour family. He asks a few about how their wives are doing and when the due dates are of their babies. He jokes about hoping he didn’t work them too hard and to expect a call from him in the future to pack it all up again and get on with another tour. Harry’s laughter echoes through the emptying arena and every so often it pulls Aurora from her concentration. She catches his eyes sometimes and she can’t help but smile. And in the bright overhead lights of the almost empty arena, the brightest light is the one smiling back at her. Harry’s tear streaked face, unruly curls and dimpled cheeks are the only thing that she can focus on. 

Aurora now stands near the door that leads back to the dressing rooms, her wardrobe cases ready to be packed up and dealt with later. She watches as Harry continues to shake every single person’s hand. He thanks everyone individually, even approaches the Forum’s cleaning staff that are weaving in and out of the seats. Every few thank you’s he looks back at her, his Rory. His Rory who has been his rock, his best friend, his stylist, his lover. There are too many words to describe his Rory but also not enough. He doesn’t think he could’ve made it through this tour without her and he’s so fucking thankful. 

When he finally joins Aurora in the doorway he presses a sure kiss to her forehead, their hands tangling together. They don’t say anything as they walk back through the now empty halls back to Harry’s car parked on the other side of the arena. Harry’s lost in his head and so is Aurora and neither of them need to say anything to each other at this moment. 

Harry can’t grasp how he’s supposed to explain to Aurora that he didn’t expect her to have this amount of an impression on him. Didn’t expect her to change his entire life. How does he explain to her that he doesn’t think he could’ve done all that he’s done since March without her? How does he show her that she means that much to him? 

Harry doesn’t know, but Aurora's thoughts line up almost perfectly with his.

And as they get into his car, buckle their seatbelts and make their way home Harry doesn’t turn on the music and Aurora simply reaches for his hand to anchor herself to this moment. It’s way too late at night, or maybe by this point too early in the morning but when Aurora looks at Harry, it all comes flooding back to her. 

Sunshine in its purest form is sitting next to her. When Harry catches Aurora’s gaze before driving out of the parking lot he remembers all the things they’ve done, all the things they’ve seen and he can’t help but be excited for what will happen next. 

He can't’ wait to see the colours she’ll shine just for him, his own Aurora Borealis. 

She doesn’t have to go a day without sunshine. 

Who knew that a pink Gucci suit would have started all of this. 

🖤🖤🖤

[obxhoe]

Leather and Lace || Rudy Pankow {1}

Lovers forever face to face My city your mountains Stay with me stay I need you to love me I need you today Give to me your leather Take from me my lace

(eek i’m nervous about this. hope y’all enjoy. message me if you wanna be on my taglist!)

CHAPTER ONE

ZOE’S POV:

Sophie’s alarm clock is blaring yet again after the third time she had snoozed it this morning. I can hear it in my bedroom… across the freaking hallway. I pad into her room,

“Soph.” No response. “Soph!” I whisper-yell. “Sophie!!!” She jolts up, ripping her eye mask off.

“I’m up. I’m up.” 

“I’m leaving in 20 minutes for class, I won’t be home until at least 11 tonight, I told Liv I would have dinner and a wine night at her place.”

“I’m probably sleeping at Aaron’s tonight so…” I raise an eyebrow at her. Aaron is this new guy she met over Bumble and the two of them have been seeing each other every day since their first date 3 weeks ago.

“Alright well have fun and try not to do anything dumb”

“You know I always do” I laugh and shut her door, walking to my vanity to quickly put on some makeup and grab my stuff. 

I’m about a quarter way through my senior year at NYU, and about a quarter away from an existential crisis. I’m not sure what I want to do with my life yet. Basically every single one of my friends have boyfriends and they talk about marriage and babies and all that shit. And it’s cute. But I’m fine on my own. My last boyfriend Peter always had me feeling suffocated. The constant “Babe” and “Baby”. The obligation of having to FaceTime someone all the time. Having to be around someone every minute of every day. I was exhausted all the time. Currently, I’m an international business major with a minor in accounting. Taking a full course load, and working a part time job in an accounting firm on top of that. I don’t exactly have time for anything else. 

I check the time and see that I’m running 5 minutes late. I slip on mom jeans, a giant t-shirt I stole from my dad years ago and run out the door. The walk to school is always my favorite part of the day. The West Village was my dream neighborhood to live in and once I saved up enough money from working throughout school, I finally was able to rent a tiny two bedroom apartment. I mindlessly scroll through social media as I speed walk to “campus”, it’s really just a few buildings in the city, there’s no open space or anything. Unless you count Washington Square Park. I pass the West 4th street subway station and my phone fumbles out of my hand as a result of someone walking straight into me.

“Fuck. fuck fuck fuck.” I say grabbing my phone and seeing the screen cracked. This is not exactly what I need at this moment.

“I am so sorry” I hear a voice above me, “I’m not from here, which I guess you can tell. Uh, I’m a little lost. I think? I’m not sure where I’m going or what uptown and downtown mean on the subways. Sorry, I’m rambling. Oh my god!” He sees my phone. “I’m so sorry. Shit. I can get you a new one.”

“Ok chill for a sec dude” I stand up brushing my hair out of my eyes. “At least buy a girl coffee before you offer up a phone.”

“Oh you’re not mad. I thought most people who live here have a stick up their ass all the time” He says, and I finally look up at his face. Those eyes, those fucking eyes. My breath catches in my throat as I realize I’m staring at him. Something about him looks or feels familiar but I can’t place my finger on it.

“Uh yeah most people are like that.”

“So are you not from here?” He asks “Cause ya know, you’re nice and stuff.” 

“Oh no I live here. I go to NYU, I’m actually on my way there now.” I look at my phone to check the time but I can barely see due to the cracked screen. 

“Uh it’s 9:0-”

“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me” I groan loudly, class started at 9.

“Late for class…?” he asks cautiously, not sure if he’s going to make it worse or not.

“Yes. I have to go, like right now.” I say starting to turn to walk away.

“Wait. Let me buy you that coffee so we can discuss the phone thing. Today isn’t great for me, how does tomorrow sound?” I nod and he hands me his phone. “Put in your number.” I quickly type in my information and hand him back the phone. “Well Zoe,” He says looking down at my contact, “I hope to see you later.”

“You too, I didn’t catch your name though.”

“Rudy. Rudy Pankow.”

“Well Rudy,” I look at him, flashing a small smirk “I’ll be looking forward to your text.” I turn and walk away as fast as I can. Of all the things that make me anxious, being late to class is pretty high up on the list. But I think the idea of meeting Rudy for coffee is consuming my mind more than the fact that I’m late is. I slip into the back of the lecture hall about 15 minutes late, luckily not drawing any attention to myself. I take out my notebook and try to take notes, but my mind is elsewhere.

RUDY’S POV:

I don’t know where the hell I am right now. Chase was completely wrong when he said the New York subway system would be easy to figure out. I have to go film a few interviews for Buzzfeed about season two and I’m lost. Totally lost. 

“West 4th street-Washington Square” The crackle comes over the speaker. 

“Fuck it” I mumble and get off. I can just take an Uber, so much for trying to get the whole experience. I walk up the stairs trying to order an Uber, getting more and more frustrated by the minute. All of a sudden I slam into what I can only hope is another tourist, the last thing I need is someone yelling at me for looking at my phone. 

“Fuck. fuck fuck fuck.” I hear a voice from next to me mutter.

“I am so sorry” Fuck. She’s beautiful, and I’m just straight up dumb. “I’m not from here, which I guess you can tell. Uh, I’m a little lost. I think? I’m not sure where I’m going or what uptown and downtown mean on the subways. Sorry, I’m rambling.” For fucks sake Rudy shut the fuck up. I look to her hand and see that I shattered her entire phone and my stomach drops. “Oh my god! I’m so sorry. Shit. I can get you a new one.” Yes good job. Just offer up an entirely new phone, that’ll help. I mentally smack my forehead. 

“Ok chill for a sec dude” She stands up, locking her eyes with mine. My eyes can’t decide where to look. Her eyes? her lips? She’s stunning. “At least buy a girl coffee before you offer up a phone.” My face turns bright red. I’m a fucking idiot. She’s running late and I decide to just shoot my shot. I shove my phone at her offering up coffee. A smile breaks onto my face when she takes it and types in her contact info. Zoe. 

“Well Rudy, I’ll be looking forward to your text” She smirks at me. God dammit I have never seen anything like her before. She spins on her heel and rushes away. I slide into the nearest taxi, not getting the chance to order an Uber. What the hell just happened?

ZOE’S POV:

I can’t get him off my mind. This isn’t like me at all. Usually I turn random men on the street down, I mean who doesn’t? What if this guy is a serial killer. God Zoe what did you do. Ok but he seems nice enough right? Ugh. I stare at my glass of wine, mind wandering.

“Earth to Zoe” Liv waves her hand in front of my face. I blink and look up.

“Sorry I’m exhausted. Too many unhappy clients today.”

“Uh huh sure.” She rolls her eyes and my friend Katie laughs next to her.

“What?!” I say, a little too defensively.

“Who’s the guy? You only ever act like this, all out of it and daydreamy when there’s a guy”

“There’s no gu-” I get cut off.

“Oh don’t even try. Who is he.” Katie slides next to me and pours more wine in my glass.

“It’s really no one. I met him on the street, he sort of smashed my phone. Well I guess I did. When he ran into me. And then he offered to buy me a new phone just like that. I was like well at least buy me a coffee first, you know, jokingly. But then he actually made a date for tomorrow to get coffee. He said he’d text me, but it’s been hours so I doubt it’ll actually happen. Probably is just being nice.” I mumble the last sentence. 

“A guy on the street?” Liv raises her voice.

“Are you crazy?” Katie says, setting her wine glass down a little too hard.

“I know I know. But something about him just felt familiar. Like I had seen him before or something. He seems our age, he had these insane blue eyes. I couldn’t stop staring.” I look down at the table. “I probably won’t even go, it’s a dumb idea.” 

“Dude, you’ll find someone. I promise. It just takes time” I look over to Liv.

“That’s the thing though. I don’t even want someone, I’m fine on my own right now. If I started seeing a guy, I wouldn’t have time for him, the two of you, work and school. I would literally have a mental breakdown.” I laugh. Part of me knows I’m lying. I don’t want a boyfriend, that part is true. But if that boyfriend was Rudy, I would have to reconsider. That’s crazy right? I’m definitely going crazy. I don’t even know this guy.

“Ok well let’s get drunk and watch hot boys on TV. There’s a show Liv and I wanted to watch on Netflix called Outer Banks. Have you seen it yet?” Katie asks me as she goes to the couch.

“I don’t have the time for that.” I plop down next to her.

“So that’s a no” She grabs the remote.

“I’m so fucking excited. I keep seeing stuff about the show everywhere, season two is coming out next week.” Liv squeals. Katie starts the show and I start chugging my wine so I can get a new glass. I choke on my wine and spit it out all over the ivory rug.

“Zoe! What the Fuck?!” Liv yells, obviously pissed I just ruined her rug. But I can’t stop coughing. I look back to the TV to make sure I’m not seeing things. It’s him, I could never forget those eyes.

“That’s him” I choke out, “That’s the guy who I ran into today.”

“Rudy Pankow? The guy on the TV right now? Are you sure?” Katie looks at me.

“There’s no way.” Liv shakes her head.

“I’m dead serious. That’s the guy.” My phone vibrates from across the room and we all look at each other. I run over to look at it.

Meet me at Think Coffee in SoHo tomorrow at 3pm. Apple Store right next door ;) -Rudy

“No. Fucking. Way”

Taglist: @pink-meringues​ @x-lulu​ @perkeusjackson​

[eremiie]

okay and for the matchup!!! im gonna try and make this as descriptive as possible but if u want more info pls lmk :)) also it would be cool if it was a guy and it would be REALLY cool if it wasn’t zeke (him and i just don’t click idk i hope that doesn’t mess u up:()

for physical i use she/her pronouns, i’m a about 5’6 and a little on the thicker/curvier side! idk if this is tmi or not but i’m pretty hefty in terms of 🍒 but i got NOTHING for 🍑 :(( breaks my heart aNYWAY i have long light brown hair and my two front pieces are dyed blonde/silver ish, i have blue eyes and wear glasses!! in terms of makeup i tend to do more natural stuff like basic foundation and mascara and that stuff but that’s mostly bc i suck at everything else 😭

my zodiac sign is sagittarius (november sag if that helps) and i’m an enfp!! i tend to be a little shy when i first meet people but once i warm up it’s hard to make me shut up lmao i loooooooove meeting new people and getting to know them and ngl i do tend to over share a little bit so that can be a little overwhelming but i’m pretty good at reading ppl so i know when it’s too much you know ?? i also think i’m one of the funniest ppl i know LMAO i’m always laughing at my own jokes and i love to make other ppl laugh it makes me so happy!! in terms of my type of humor it’s pretty sarcastic but i will literally laugh at anything (except things that are messed up i’m not down for DARK humor). also i’m like hella nice tbh i’m probably overly nice to a lot of ppl BUT i also stand up for myself when need be and i’m not afraid to be honest and blunt!

as for bad personality traits i can definitely be a little jealous and i tend to overthink things a lot. i am NOT a morning person if i wake up any earlier before like 10am i’m usually pretty cranky for the rest of the day which is pretty annoying lmao. i’m pretty forgetful so if someone tells me to do something they usually have to do it a few more times before it hits me. also i’m the absolute worst at math and i was pretty careless in school :/ i didn’t like get into trouble or anything but i definitely slacked off in terms of grades and caring about things like that.

i’m p sure my love languages are quality time and physical touch bc i’m a HUUUUGE sucker for hugs and hand holding and stuff like that 🥺 i also really think 1 on 1 time with a s/o is important but i for sure think it’s good to have time apart or time with like a group of friends too!!

for hobbies i love to play video games, hang out with friends, listen to music, watch movies and tv and write!! i spend way too much time playing games like minecraft and legend of zelda and i can pretty much listen to anything except for country lol i love comedy and horror movies and tbh i’m kinda a sucker for romance movies 😳 i go to target like every day and just kinda walk around and before covid i loved going out to eat with friends and going to the arcade!!! i’m for sure more of a city person than a country girl and i love spending time downtown just walking around or going to baseball games or whatever!!

for future goals tbh i’m not really sure yet ?? i’m interested in maybe being a therapist or a teacher when i’m older but like i said i don’t have any like set goals career wise. i do want to get married but i don’t really want kids unless i maybe adopt ?? (fun fact i’m TERRIFIED of pregnancy for some reason lmao is that weird). i would L O V E to travel the world someday and see all of the different cultures and places i think that would be so unbelievably fun :))

turn ons include bondage, degradation, wax, dirty talk, and idk if this has a name but having to be quiet 😳😳😳 tbh pretty much everything except for feet, blood, p!ss, and pet (those are the turn offs) but idk besides those id probably be willing to try anything at least once

i hope this wasn’t too long or not descriptive enough!!! again if u need more info pls don’t hesitate to message me and ask i’m an open book :))) thank u sm for doing this muah ur an angel <33333

i match you up with...

connie springer.

i match you up because...

connie could care less how shy you were at first because he definitely opened you up, but not by his own will, you just felt so comfortable around him to open up in the first place. he just listens to what you have to say, it might seem like he doesn’t care but he’s really listening. you think you’re real funny? when you’re with connie you guys are both hilarious together and crack up at the stupidest stuff but it’s literally so funny because it’s with him. he appreciates that you can stand up for yourself and you’re straight forward so he doesn’t really have to jump in when you’re getting in it with other people— not that he won’t if you ask, he just isn’t a fan of drama if he isn’t watching it. connie isn’t great at reassuring you when you get jealous and start overthinking but i think there aren’t many moments when you do with him because you guys are always spending immense quality time together that is such a vibe it leaves no room for any thinking. connie doesn’t wake up early and neither do you so you don’t have to worry about waking up early when you live with him. you and connie are forgetful but you’re forgetful together— that’s not really a positive but it’s funny. you guys also both slack off in school work, which you probably both tried to fix but it didn’t work out. he enjoys that your love language is quality time becayse like i said, y’all spend a lot of it together. he doesn’t mind your affectionate but don’t expect much back in return. 

you guys play video games together all the time, in the same house but different rooms, or sitting on the floor in front of the couch together

both of you once slept in together until 3pm and decided it was too late to even start your day, so got up and then went back to bed together

you and connie constantly go places together, and always try to go new places at that as well

you guys go out to eat at fast food chains really late at night 

both of you tried to study together but y’all literally laughed like the whole entire time and got no progress done

you like watching movies with him but he always falls asleep like 15 minutes in so you take pictures of him sleeping

you guys go to walmart & target all the time to literally just look around

your runner up was eren, hope you enjoyed your matchup!

[livingouttheworsttimeline]

Why am I so tired all the time?

4:30 am: youngest child wakes up after wetting the bed. change child, change bedsheets, replace drinks, turn night time music back on, convince youngest child that it is in fact still night time. Climb back into bed a 4:55.

5:00 am: eldest child comes to tell me that youngest child wants to play. I am aware, because I have heard her loudly declaring such since I left their room. Tell oldest child to go back to bed. Pray that, somehow, for the very first time, they will put themselves back to sleep. 

5:05 am: give up on hopeless prayers. Get up and take both children to the living room. Change the youngest into underwear. Log into tablets and override the “do not turn on until 6 am” setting. Wait for coffee to finish brewing.

5:23 am: extract self from underneath 2 children and a dog to pour first cup of coffee. It’s half caff, because spouse has a heart condition. Remind self that I can have several cups with impunity.

5:45 am: Eldest child is unhappy with the pre-made breakfast provided for him the night before. When asked what he would like to eat, he responds, “bacon, chinese food, or pizza.” Explain, again, that we need a variety of foods for our bodies to grow strong. Spend 15 minutes convincing him to eat $5 worth of blackberries as a compromise.

6:12 am: Finish 2nd cup of coffee, realize that eldest child’s night time pull up is overflowing with poop. Usher him to the bathroom for a bath. Feel humbled when I realize that I spent 10 years in grad school, and yet I am still reduced to wiping shit off another person. Calmly remind eldest child that he is capable of using the potty, and that I have confidence in him. 

6:30 am: Spouse awakes, complains that he slept poorly. Roll eyes and go back to drinking 3rd cup of coffee, in between being elbowed in the stomach and explaining that no, I do not know how to work the video game you just downloaded 15 seconds ago. Remind self that I am their physical and mental safe place, which is worth the literal bruises and mental stress. 

6:45 am: extract self from pile of children and dog by physically lifting each dependent off my lap. Verify that spouse is up for supervision duties, collect running clothes, and start treadmill.

6:47 am: stop treadmill because youngest child has entered the room and decided that I will not run today because it’s not fair. Remind self that arguing fairness with a 3 year old is the definition of futility. Gently remind her that I love her, she is a big girl, and she can play independently while I run. 

6:49 am: start treadmill again. Nagging calf pain seems to be back. Scale back workout, remind self that value of the run is not the distance. Do extra core workout to compensate.

7:30 am: shower. Mediate 2 sibling fights from shower. Fortunately, children are camped out in the bathroom with me, so I don’t have to leave a trail of water through the house to interact.

7:35 am: Marvel at the thought that spouse takes a 45 min shower. EVERY DAY. Note gratitude that I am working from home, and no longer have to style hair and makeup. 

7:36 am: Refill kid drink cups for the 3rd time today. Spend 30 minutes convincing, cajoling, and bribing kids to put on clean underwear. We no longer try for clothes. 

8:06 am: turn on work computer. Respond to a weekend full of emails. Handle 5 pressing tasks for side hustle, reasoning that if I get them out of the way, I can push the rest of that to do list to after working hours.

8:45 am: Answer persistent pounding on locked office door. refill drinks and provide snack. Reassure youngest child that mommy is still here, but she needs to work. 

9:03 am: debate whether going to the bathroom is worth leaving the office and the begging that ensues. Make wrong choice either way. 

9:15 am: morning meetings get shuffled later, because childless coworkers “are running late this morning.” Marvel at the concept of 9:15 am being early.

9:30 am: solid wall of meetings until noon. Update team on status at end of last week, despite not remembering what you just ate for breakfast. Realize that you haven’t eaten breakfast. Run training and introduction for new team member. You are the only woman on the team,  so you get do the training because “you’re so good at explaining things.” 

12:00 pm: Call youngest child’s preschool, make sure you can bring by her supplies and still adhere to Covid protocols. Preschool is also side hustle, so cram a parent and employee meeting into a single hour. Explain that new registration system will, in fact, be more efficient than old paper system. Remind preschool staff that we committed to going paperless. Make small talk with preschool teachers until the hour is up. Hop in the car and speed home.

1:00 pm: children adhere to my side the second I walk in the door. Spouse is in the shower. Children have eaten approximately 3 bites of their pb&j sandwiches, and demand different lunch. Remember that you have not eaten lunch yet. Refill drinks for 4th time, provide reasonable lunch alternatives. 

1:25 pm: Remember that you scheduled a meeting for 1:30, and. you need to be present. Calculate that extraction from children is not possible in 5 minutes, and take meeting with youngest child on lap. Despite having weaned 1.5 years ago, youngest child decides that you’re still nursing, and pulls down top on video call. Spend most of call switching on and off mute. Catch every 3rd word. 

1:45 pm: apologize to team, promise to reschedule a follow up with more focus. Hang up, extract youngest child’s arm from shirt. Refill drinks for the 5th time. Bribe children to get in bed for a nap with the promise of a visit to nana and pop this afternoon. 

1:48 pm: children’s beds have been stripped, due to accidents last night, but spouse “doesn’t know where the clean sheets are”, and so hasn’t remade beds. Children petition to nap on the floor. Explain floor is not comfortable. Find clean sheets, make 2 beds, take everyone to the potty, tuck both children in. 

2:20 pm: Realize that you have 40 minutes of actual work time left today, outside of meetings. Try to prioritize, with the knowledge that whatever you get done will not be enough. Deny request for drink refill.

3:00 pm: kick off afternoon meeting block. Try frantically to make the 40 minutes that you did get to work sound like a whole lot more. Wake children up during bathroom break so that they’ll be able to sleep tonight. Refill drinks for 5th time. 

3:45 pm: Curse the fact that youngest child has inherited your distaste for waking up. Gently coax her awake in between meetings.

4:00 pm: Wrap up last task from meetings, make list of all new tasks. Realize that today you have checked off one task, and received 7 new ones. Promise self that you’ll get your work laptop back out after the kids are in bed. Ignore the sense of despair that threatens to overtake you.

4:20 pm: Bribe children into putting on clothes with promise of fruit snacks at grandparent’s house. Feel mildly guilty as you put on your second round of workout gear. Load children in double jogging stroller, jog to grandparent’s house. 

5:00 pm: collect children to head home for dinner. 

5:10 pm: threaten no more fruit snacks if children don’t put on their shoes. Grandparents go get them more fruit snacks. 

5:23 pm: explain that the sun is going down in 24 minutes, and that we have to leave now to get home before it gets dark. Remember that time is immaterial. Wish for that blissful sense of ignorance.

5:37 pm: push 100 lbs of toddler and stroller up giant, hilly driveway. Spouse greets us with “what’s for dinner?” Politely remind him that he promised to plan and make dinner while we were gone. Grit teeth at his “I didn’t know what to make” response. Quickly run through available, easy, acceptable options and make dinner.

6:15 pm: serve dinner. Eat own dinner in 2.5 minutes, then spend rest of meal refilling drinks and plates, heating up or cooling down, and cajoling children to eat anything at all.

6:45 pm: Announce that tonight we don’t need to take a bath. Youngest child immediately melts down, because she wanted to take a bath. Eldest child melts down because, even thought he didn’t want to take a bath, he wanted to taunt his sister while she was in the bath. 

6:53 pm: Loose temper for 1st time today, scream that children need to brush their teeth. Step away to calm down. Spouse gets upset because “You can’t handle the children without yelling.” Bite tongue all the way through to avoid snarky reply.

7:10 pm: read 2 story books. Read one more. Explain again, that mommy cannot read anymore, and daddy will come read for a little while. Extract self from pile of children, and tuck both in. Hugs, kisses, and fist bumps. Twice. Then once more, after you’ve left the room.

7:15 pm: contemplate second shower. Decide that you didn’t really get that sweaty on the walk, and it’s not like you’re going out. Collapse on sofa with phone and mindless tv.

7:25 pm: spouse comes into the living room after harrowing duty of reading for 10 minutes. Hand over the remote, pull out side hustle lap top and finalize tasks for the day.

8:30 pm: remember that you promised to do main job work. Bring out that laptop to run some code while you continue side hustle work.

9:15 pm: Finish side hustle work, give up on main job work for the evening. Mentally apologize to team for not making more progress, promise to self that you’ll be more focused tomorrow.

9:30 pm: tell spouse that you need to go to bed. Endure his eye roll and disappointed face. Apologize for needing to go to sleep so early, and reassure him that you’re doing the best you can.

10:15 pm: eldest child has night terror. Comfort eldest child until he’s calm. Comfort youngest child, who is upset at brother’s screams. Realize that spouse is still watching tv in the living room while you comfort children. 

11:00 pm: listen to youngest child cry for 10 minutes until spouse begrudgingly tends to her. Remind self that it is not solely my job to comfort our children. Try to go back to sleep. 

3 am: eldest child wakes up with question about mushrooms that is vitally important. Answer to best of middle-of-the-night ability, acknowledge that you appreciate his curiosity, but that there are times when questions are not appropriate. Get him back to sleep.

4:30 am: youngest child wakes up.

[hobeymakar]

Unapologetically | C. Makar Part 2

Previous parts: Part 1

Chapter word count: 3,673 words

A/N: This chapter was so much fun to write! I will be working on the next one ASAP, but it may take me a little longer to write it! Please like and reblog if you enjoyed it as it lets me know that you enjoyed it. Any and all feedback is always greatly appreciated

Shoutouts: @pizzasloot​ @hockey-and-wine​ and @grenawitka​ for being my cheerleaders in the gc! I love you girls with all my heart

Warnings: explicit language

-

Taty wakes up on the morning of February 5th and feels the nerves start to hit her. Today, she'll be meeting Cale in person and interviewing him for the podcast. A part of her is afraid things will go wrong once they meet and he won't be interested in her anymore. While the other part of her knows that Cale is too nice of a person to ever break her heart like that. If things don't work out, he'll be nice and respectful about it. 

In preparation of meeting Cale, she self-isolated from her family for a couple days and got tested for COVID-19. She tested negative thankfully so she can go meet Cale without putting him in danger. 

She brushes her teeth and has breakfast as she prepares herself mentally for the podcast. She writes down her questions and her intro, so that she doesn't forget anything that she wants to say and ask. After breakfast she showers and changes into a comfy, warm outfit to withstand the cold of New England winter. She knows the high is only gonna be 37 and with the wind in the city of Boston, it's gonna be way worse.

She loads her car up with all her equipment and starts making the trip towards Boston. She decides to make a trip to her Aunt's apartment in Roxbury, which is on the outskirts of the city. She parks her car inside the community and makes her way into the apartment, since her Aunt always leaves her door open.

"'Cion Tia! (Blessings, Auntie)" she smiles, greeting her Aunt Leo who's in the kitchen making food.

"Dios te bendiga, mi'ja! Que haces aqui? (May God bless you, honey! What are you doing here?) " her aunt asks, as she stands in front of the stove.

"Voy hacer una entrevista con un jugador de hockey (I'm interviewing a hockey player)" she explains, not wanting to mention that she's sort of seeing that player.

"Que bueno mi'ja! ¡Me alegro! Yo se que todo va salir bien porque tu eres una mujer seria y muy inteligente! (That's amazing honey! I'm glad! I know that everything is gonna go great because you're a serious and intelligent woman!" her aunt cries out.

"Gracias Tia! Y Cola y Nine? Thank you Auntie! Where's Cola and Nine?" she asks, referring to another aunt and uncle.

"Nine está trabajando y Cola salió con Frank y Bernardo a ayudar alguien con un trabajito. (Nine's working and Cola went out with Frank and Bernardo to help someone out with a small job," her aunt explains.

"Bueno, yo vine aquí solamente para verte y saludarte. Me voy a quedar en un hotel esta noche y voy a regresar a casa mañana. (Well, I came here only to see you and greet you. I'm staying at a hotel tonight and I'm going back home tomorrow)" she explains.

"Quédate aquí por un rato más. Ya la comida está lista como en 15 minutos. (Stay here for a little longer. The food will be ready in like 15 minutes)" her aunt explains.

"Tengo planes con el jugador pero no diga nada a Mami por favor (I have plans with the player but don't say anything to Mami please)" she pleads.

"Oh ya veo. No le digo nada, mi'ja (Oh, now I see. I won't tell her anything, honey)" her aunt replies, nodding her head.

"Gracias Tia! Dale saludos a Cola, Nine, Frank y Bernardo. Ojala los veo mañana (Thank you, Auntie! Say hi to Cola, Nine, Frank and Bernardo. Hopefully I'll see them tomorrow)" she smiles, hugging her Aunt.

"Con dios, mi'ja. Tengas cuidado, pero lo disfrutas (Take care, honey. Be careful, but have fun)" her Aunt smiles back, kissing her cheek.

Taty leaves the apartment and gets back into her car to make the trip to a hotel right across the street from the TD Garden. During the drive, she hits some traffic because the city of Boston has awful traffic, but arrives at the hotel in 20 minutes. Workers help her get her stuff out of the car and she gets her car parked by the valet. She makes her way inside the hotel and checks in. The workers help her bring her stuff to her room on the 7th floor. She makes her way inside and unpacks her things, putting them out. She puts her recording equipment out on the table and then heads to the windows to take a picture of her view of the Bunker Hill Bridge and TD Garden. She sends the picture to Cale

To: Cale 🥰

Nice choice for the room. You remembered how I like my city view and bath tubs to take baths in

From: Cale 🥰

Of course I remembered! I remember every single thing you've told me

To: Cale 🥰

How quickly can you get your butt up to my room?

From: Cale 🥰

I'm in Mikko's room rn with the guys but I can make up an excuse and disappear

To: Cale 🥰

I want to order room service and then interview you

From: Cale 🥰

Alright I'll be there in a few

She looks at herself in the mirror, making sure she looks good. She realizes how dumb it is for her to stress over her looks when Cale has literally seen her looking gross with no makeup on and her hair looking a whole ass mess.

She goes on her phone and tries to calm down her nerves. After a few minutes, she hears a knock on her door. She goes up to the door and opens it, meeting Cale who's dressed in an Avs sweatshirt and sweatpants. She pulls him in and closes the door shut right away, so that no one can see.

He lifts her up for a hug and she wraps her legs around him, her tiny frame wrapping around him tightly. They embrace each other for a few moments before putting her back down.

"So you like the room I picked out for you?" he asks, as she leads him further inside the room.

"Yes! It's perfect! It's honestly way too big for just me," she smiles.

She gives him a quick tour of the room and bathroom and he sits down on the bed while she opens the room service menu.

"Do you want anything?" she asks him.

"No, I already had lunch with the team," he informs her. 

"Alright," she nods, looking back at the menu.

"Order anything you want regardless of price. It's on me," he informs her.

"Cale, I can't make you spend all this money on me. You're paying for my room and the valet parking, the least I can do is pay you back for the food," she protests.

"I appreciate your concern, but this is nothing to me. Let me treat you," he replies, trying to convince her to let him spoil her.

"You're lucky you're cute," she sighs, giving in.

She calls room service and places her order. As she waits for her order, she turns on the TV and gets on the bed, snuggling into Cale's side. She puts on NHL Network and they watch highlights from the night before, while talking about certain plays and players.

"You know I've never met a girl that I could talk about hockey with like this. Like you actually understand the sport and everything," he comments.

"Well I've been a fan for so long and I've always been obsessed with sports since I was a little kid. It's the reason why I was always one of the guys growing up," she explains.

"And I think it's the coolest thing about you! You're so passionate about sports and sports stats! You're passionate about diversity and inclusion in sports too!" he smiles, running his fingers through her hair.

She feels the heat rise in her cheeks and she wishes he would just kiss her already, but she's too shy to do it herself.

"Well thank you. For a long time, I was embarrassed about how nerdy it is. It's probably why guys never saw me as anything more than a tomboy," she explains sheepishly.

"Yeah well it's their loss. They never got to see how incredible you really are," he smiles, kissing her forehead.

If she could die in his arms right now, she wouldn't mind honestly. She's never felt this sort of warmth and such intense butterflies in her stomach. Her heart feels so full and she finally realizes that this is what falling in love feels like. She had never felt it before but she loves the feeling so much that she doesn't want it to end.

The room service arrives and she brings the tray full of food inside. She sits down on the bed and starts eating as they watch TV and make small talk.

"What did you and the boys do today?" she asks.

"Well we got here late last night, so none of us woke up til like 10am. We all got ready and had lunch in the restaurant. Then we went to Mikko's room to play video games. It's been pretty boring so far, but we're not doing much because of COVID. We can't be going out like we used to," he explains.

"Yeah this virus has really fucked things up here. The governor of Massachusetts still hasn't allowed any fans to attend Celtics or Bruins games at the Garden and I don't know if he will for the rest of the season. Maybe he will for playoffs but I don't expect him to," she explains.

"I get that though. We have to keep people safe as much as possible until we eliminate this virus," he adds.

They switch the subject after that and keep the light conversation flowing until she finishes eating. She then sets her empty tray outside the room and starts setting everything up for the podcast, handing Cale a mic. She grabs her mic and sets it up, hooking everything up to her laptop. She checks the audio, making sure it's all good before starting the recording on her laptop.

"Our next guest is the biggest we've had so far. He was born and raised in Calgary, Alberta and was named after a Flames player. He grew up a Flames fan and made a name for himself in the AJHL playing for the Brooks Bandits, where he was named AJHL player of the year. He quickly became a top prospect and was selected 4th overall by the Colorado Avalanche in 2017. He played two seasons at UMass Amherst with the Minutemen, setting school records. He won the 2019 Hobey Baker Award and led the Minutemen to the Frozen Four, where they lost to the Minnesota Duluth Bulldogs in the championship game. He signed with the Avalanche immediately after the loss, ending his collegiate career and made his debut in Game 4 of the 1st round of the Stanley Cup playoffs with Colorado in his hometown of Calgary. With family and friends in attendance, he scored his first ever goal in the game. He recently won the 2020 Calder Trophy given to the league's top rookie. Welcome to the Ace of Hockey podcast, Cale Makar," she introduces, absolutely nailing the intro.

"Wow, that has to be the longest intro I've ever gotten for an interview, so thank you," he smiles.

"Well you're a young superstar now, so I gotta have the intro reflect that," she replies.

"I don't know if I'm worthy of such an intro, but I appreciate it though," he smiles.

She starts asking him questions about his childhood and what it was like growing up in Alberta, how he ended up playing Junior A instead of Major Junior, what made him go to the college hockey route, as well as what his draft day experience was like. She also asks him what his experience was like at UMass Amherst, and what it was like playing in the National Championship game and winning the Hobey Baker. She then asks him about signing his ELC and what it was like making his debut in the playoffs in his hometown and scoring a goal in his debut. She then asks him about his rookie year and what it was like in his first full season in Colorado.

He also explains how Nate took him under his wing this season and really helped show him the ropes on how to be a pro. He also talks about how great of a captain Gabe is and who are the funniest guys on the team, as well as the pranksters. He also explains how it was like for him personally in the bubble. He also mentions everything players have said and done about social justice change and how important it is to listen and be an ally for minority groups.

They finish up the interview and he helps her clean everything up.

"So, I have a team dinner in like half an hour that I need to get ready for. I promise I will come back afterwards so we can hang out," he explains.

"That's fine, Cale. I'll probably just take a nice bath and relax, maybe listen to our interview. I'll send you the audio and if you want anything edited out, just let me know," she explains.

"Of course, love. I'm not concerned about that honestly," he assures her.

"Go get ready before you're late. Afterwards, you know where to find me," she smiles, pushing him lightly to the door.

"Alright fine. No need to kick me out," he teases, walking towards the door.

As soon as he gets to the door, he turns around and brings her in for a hug, lifting her from the ground. He sets her back down after a few moments.

"Bye Cale. Have fun at dinner," she smiles, kissing his cheek.

"Bye love," he smiles, walking out.

She shuts the door immediately and heads to the bathroom to take a nice relaxing bath in the tub. She turns on the water and gets undressed. Once the tub is filled, she stops the water and throws in a bath bomb. She gets in and immediately soaks in the warmth of the water. She sends a selfie of her in the bath and sends it to her sisters in their Ventura Rodriguez sisters group chat. 

From: Katie

Damn how tf did you get a sugar daddy?

From: Kiana

I thought you were interviewing a player today? Is the player your sugar daddy?

To: The Ventura Rodriguez sisters

I don't have a sugar daddy and yes I interviewed the player today. He was nice enough to book me a room at the hotel he's staying at

From: Katie

No way he booked you a hotel if it's just a  professional relationship. He definitely likes you

From: Kiana

So who's the player you're talking to

To: The Ventura Rodriguez Sisters

Nope not telling y'all. He's not my boyfriend so y'all don't got to know

She puts on some soft R&B and lets the music relax her. Before she knows it, she's been in there for an hour and gets out. She wraps her body in a towel and unplugs the drain. She dries herself off and changes into a faded URI basketball t-shirt and boyshorts. She dries her hair with a blowdryer and gets into bed, opening her laptop. 

She listens to the 40 minute long audio clip of the interview and loves the interview. The conversation just flows between them and she thinks that her listeners are going to really love it, even though they didn't talk so much about social activism, like she has with other guests on the podcast. Her stomach starts to grumble and she realizes she hasn't had dinner yet. She grabs the room service menu and starts looking, as she's about to call to place her order, she hears a knock on the door.

She gets up and goes to the door. Unfortunately because of her lack of height, she can't see through the peephole who it is. She opens the door and internally sighs in relief when she sees it's Cale dressed in a UMass sweatshirt and shorts. He walks in and hugs her, lifting her up again.

"Do you have a thing for lifting me up?" she asks, as she wraps her legs around him.

"You're just so tiny that it's hard for me not to do it," he teases, referring to her 4'9 height.

“No, I think you have a thing for lifting me up, bud,” she teases back, moving her hands up to his hair.

“Just for that I’m putting you back down,” he replies playfully, setting her back down.

“Well you’re just in time to watch me order dinner,” she informs him, leading him towards the bed.

“I wish I could take you out to a nice dinner for a date,” he sighs, wishing he didn’t have to deal with the league’s COVID restrictions that prevent him from leaving the hotel except for practice and the game.

“It’s okay. You’ll just make it up to me some other time. We can just watch TV while I eat. That sounds like a pretty nice date to me,” she explains, grabbing the phone to call room service.

She calls room service and places her order. She decides to get comfortable and get under the sheets.

“Are you gonna join me?” she asks, referring to the spot right beside her under the sheets.

He quickly gets under the sheets with her and she rests her head on his shoulder. He turns on the TV and puts on NBCSN to watch the Flames play the Sabres in Buffalo.

“Is it cool if we watch the game?” he asks.

“Of course! I love watching hockey even if it doesn’t involve teams I cheer for,” she smiles, resting her head on his chest.

He strokes her back up and down with his fingers, causing sparks of heat to roll up her spine from his touch.

“Who are you rooting for?” she asks him. 

“Calgary. I’m always gonna have a soft spot for my hometown team, even though they’re a conference rival,” he explains.

“I like Calgary. They have really sick players, like Monahan, Gaudreau, Lindholm and don’t even get me started on Tkachuk!: she gushes, causing him to stiffen up.

“I didn’t know you liked Tkachuk,” he replies, his voice getting deeper than it already is.

“I mean what’s there not to like? He’s a strong power forward with great hands! I mean that between-the-legs goal last year proved how skilled he is!” she gushes.

“Yeah he’s a great player but I didn’t think you liked him that much,” he replies, sounding bitter.

“No need to be jealous, babes! Tkachuk’s cool and all but he doesn’t compare to you,” she assures him, kissing his cheek.

The food arrives and she goes outside to pick it up. She brings the tray inside and starts eating, while watching the game.

“You want some?” she asks, referring to her pasta.

“No, I can’t eat that. The trainers will kill me,” he replies.

“Who cares! It’s just one bite,” she replies, bringing the forkful of pasta closer to his mouth

“Babe, I’m serious! I can’t eat that,” he groans, moving his face away further.

“Fine, more for me,” she scoffs, shrugging her shoulders. 

She finishes eating her pasta and Cale stares at her for a moment.

“You got a little something,” he trails off, pointing to her face.

Her eyes go wide and she takes a napkin, wiping her mouth. She removes the bit of sauce from her lip and puts the napkin down on the tray. He lowers down the volume on the TV and takes her hands in his.

“Can I tell you something?” he asks.

“You can tell me anything,” she replies, feeling her heartbeat start to accelerate.

“I really like you. For the past 5 months I’ve been getting to know you and I believe you’re the most intelligent, beautiful, and caring girl I’ve ever met. I know things aren’t easy with the season going on and you living in Rhode Island, but I wanna try and make things work between us. Will you officially be my girlfriend?” he asks, looking directly into her eyes.

“Yes!” she nods, feeling like her heart might just explode.

“Can I kiss you?” he asks.

“I’ve been wanting you to kiss me all day!” she replies, getting a little chuckle out of him in response.

He cups her face and presses his lips gently onto hers and Taty swears she feels those cliché sparks everyone always talks about. She kisses back almost immediately, not holding back. The kiss quickly becomes more passionate and she’s reciprocating each kiss enthusiastically. After a couple minutes, they break apart.

“You know how I told you I’ve never done this before? Well, I want us to take it slow and I hope that’s okay with you,” she says sheepishly, afraid of rejection.

“We can take it as slow as you want. You control how this goes. I will never push you to do anything you don’t want to do. I like you for you,” he assures her, kissing her knuckles.

She had never known what falling in love is like, but now she does because she’s definitely falling in love with Cale Douglas Makar. She never wants this feeling and she prays to God she never finds a way to fuck this up.

They spend a few more hours wrapped in each other’s arms before Cale announces he has to leave because it’s getting late and he has practice in the morning.

“Bye babe,” she smiles, leading him towards the door.

“Bye princess. Sweet dreams,” he kisses her.

He walks out the door and she shuts the door behind him. She pinches herself, thinking it might be a dream. She’s relieved to find out it isn’t a dream and she finally has a boyfriend for the first time in her life.

[rocketmanmadden]

Best Study Date Ever

Requested by @cchris-hevans

Can I request a steve harrington one shot where the reader is dustin’s older sister, and she’s really nerdy and smart and she has a FAT crush on steve but she thinks she’s too dorky for him, but in the end he absolutely loves it about her and they start dating, much to dustin’s dismay.

A/N- Apologies this took a little longer than I expected, it’s been way busier than I thought lately but I’ve been trying so hard to get these done for you guys! I have about 15 on my list right now so if your request isn’t immediately posted I will get to it. Thanks for understanding:) -Olivia

“Dustin!” You yell downstairs trying to get him to turn his music down

Of course, he can’t hear over the obnoxious noise causing you to have to get up from your studying, which you’ve only done for an hour. He knows you need at least 2 hours to feel fully prepared and relaxed.

“Dustin I swear to god if you don’t turn this awful music down” you exclaim walking down your stairs “ you know my study schedule and how important these tests are to me, plus if I don’t study now I’ll have to do it at night, and you know I like reading at nig-“ you cut yourself off

“Oh my god, Steve is here” you think to yourself. Dustin always tells you when he’s having people over, why didn’t he tell you this time! There you are, standing in an oversized t shirt, no makeup, and your hair in a messy bun- right in front of Steve Harrington, who was sitting on your couch. If you even had the slightest chance with him, you definitely ruined it now. Who wants a girl with a study schedule? Not a guy like Steve Harrington, that’s for sure.

“I- I-“ you start blushing trying to get the words out. “I’m so sorry for yelling, I’m just really stressed right now. I promise I’m not normally like that. Dustin failed to inform me that you were gonna be here, I apologize.”

“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to bother you while you’re studying” your brother tells you with a smile

“But Dustin, the thing is when your blasting music, that’s a big bother.” You try explaining to him before giving up. “You know, I don’t care anymore. It’s fine. I’m sorry for yelling. I’m a huge mess, I just need to study” you say turning around to walk away before hearing a voice say your name

“Hey Y/N” Steve calls out and you turn around “You aren’t a mess. Shit happens, no need to apologize. Good luck on your test.”

“Thanks” you smile a shy smile. “And hey dork, try and keep your music down, even just a little bit quieter” you say and then go back in your room, shutting the door to reduce noise

“Did you hear what she called me?!” Dustin says to Steve. “She called me a dork! Me, a dork! She’s the one with a study schedule for crying out loud. The one who has to go to the library once a week because she finishes a book in 2 days”

Steve’s never felt this much confusion in his life. He’s popular, he doesn’t care about his grades, so why all the sudden is a study schedule the most adorable thing he’s ever seen a girl have? You’re Dustin’s smart, good girl sister, he normally goes for the popular, party girls, never a girl like you.

“Earth to Steve” Dustin says waving his hand in front of his face

“Oh yeah sorry I was thinking” Steve says “I mean about the whole dork thing, I guess don’t knock it until you try it. It works for her, if she enjoys reading and writing and studying, let her do her thing then.”

“That is the most not Steve thing to say, but alright” Dustin shrugs his shoulders and replies before turning the music on again

***

You wake up the next morning with your face in a book, to the sound of your alarm blaring.

“Oh shit” you say to yourself before cleaning your books and papers up

It’s not unusual you fall asleep studying, but it didn’t even seem that you were studying very late. Must of just had a tiring day and fell asleep early. You start to get ready for school replaying what Steve said to you in your head. Even though it wasn’t a lot, it still meant something to you. You grab your book bag and walk downstairs, seeing Dustin waiting by the door like he always does for you on school mornings, following you out the door and getting in the car.

“Steve stuck up for you yesterday when I called you a dork” Dustin randomly blurts out

“H-he did?” Your eyes light up but you quickly wipe the look of your face “ I mean why are you telling me this?” You asked, confused

“Because it’s so obvious you like him. You can’t be in the same room as him without blushing every time.” He rolls his eyes

“I blush because I’m shy” you look at him instead of the road, being parked at a red light

“Oh cut the crap. I can tell how in love with him you are.”

“Okay, well maybe I do have a tiny crush. But it’s Steve Harrington, everyone does!”

“I don’t think you’re his type anyways. I mean, I’ve never seen him go for a girl like you.”

“I’m very well aware of that, but thanks for raising my hopes” you sigh

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to be mean it’s just-“ you cut him off

“It’s fine Dustin. Don’t worry about it”

The rest of the car ride was silent until you arrived at school, walking in with Dustin before parting ways to go to your different classes. You take your test, which you think you aced, go to a couple more classes, and then finally get to take your lunch. You go to the library for lunch like you do everyday. You always have, you eat, check out some new books, and start writing out and adding to your study schedule. It’s just calming, instead of being in a loud, noisy room.

Steve walks into the lunchroom looking for you, but quickly realizes you aren’t there. He continues walking the halls until he passes the library, looking through the glass doors to see you sitting at a table, pencil in hand, writing in your notebook and decides to walk in and over to your table.

“Y/N hey” He says with a smile. “Can I sit?”

“Steve?” You say confusedly “Not trying to come off rude, but this is a library. What could you possibly need in here?” You laugh

“You” he blurts out. “No- I, uh, I mean I was looking for you, and I thought the library would be a good place to check. I guess I thought right, you’re here after all” He smiles that stupid adorable smile of his

“Mhm” you nod. “Why exactly were you looking for me if you don’t mind me asking? Anything I can help you with?”

“Uh…” he looks around trying to find something, not wanting to admit he just wanted to see you, before noticing the piece of paper in front of you labeled ‘study schedule’. “I was wondering, where exactly does one get a study schedule?”

You give him the “You really couldn’t of thought of anything better” look but decide to go along with it.

“Well, one has to actually study, or at least plan on it in order to make a study schedule.” You inform him

“What makes you think I don’t study?” He asks

“Steve you practically scream the words ‘I don’t study’”

“Okay you’re right this time, I don’t study. Well I mean, you’re right all of the time. You’re like super smart and shit. Anyways, I want to start studying though, and you know, get my grades up. Maybe you can teach me how, like a study date?”

“Damnit Steve did you really just say study date?” He thinks to himself

“Study date?” You ask, starting to blush with a smile

“Yeah, study date. Of course only if you want to.”

“I want to” you smile shyly

“Great, what if we do it after school today? Maybe I could meet you at your house?”

“Very eager I see.” You giggle. “Yes, that works perfectly, I don’t think Dustin will be home right after school anyways so we’ll be able to work in peace. I’ll see you then” you say grabbing your book bag and standing up

“Wait where are you going?” He frowns

“To class, my lunch is over. I highly suggest you do that too, especially if you want to work on getting your grades up, because I know you skipped class to find me. You had lunch with Dustin- 2 periods ago.” You say starting to walk away

“Oh yeah right” he chuckles “well I’ll see you tonight!” He calls out before getting loudly shushed by the librarian followed by the words “Steve, this is a library!” Causing you to giggle, waving at him before you finally leave and walk to class

You’re overwhelmed with joy for your first few steps of your walk to class, before your panic kicks in. Steve is coming to your house! Not for Dustin this time, but for you! So many thoughts are going through your head, could Steve like you back? Or could it really just be innocent studying. Then again, you saw his eyes scanning the room trying to give you an answer, and you know Steve doesn’t study. “Just 2 more classes” you think to yourself before you have to run home and make yourself perfect for Steve.

Your two classes go by faster than expected, and before you know it you’re running up into your room getting ready for Steve. He said he was coming right after school, causing you to drive faster than you normally would to give you some time. You rebrush your hair, touch up your mascara and powder, and head back downstairs cleaning the table off and placing two drinks on it. You wait a minute before hearing a knock on the door

“Hi, come in.” You gently say with a blush as he walks in

“Thanks for agreeing to help me. I know I’m not the smartest person to study with” he smiles

“I bet I can change that” you smile, starting to walk him to the table, realizing you forgot to bring your books down. “After I get my books. I don’t know how I seemed to forget them, I’m not always as smart as I seem. I’m just gonna run upstairs and grab them real quick.”

“Let me help you, you shouldn’t be carrying them all by yourself”

On any other occasion you would’ve loved to have Steve help you, it’s like a dream, but your room is literally a tiny library. Your bookshelf is flooded with too many books to count, it’s the definition of nerd. “Steve I carry them everyday by myself. Plus my room isn’t something you wanna see” you try telling him

“Well now I’m even more intrigued” he smiles

“Steve my room is full of books, nothing interesting. I’ll be right back”

You come back down and start studying with him, at least you try to. Everytime you explain something to him he just seems so lost in his thoughts. You feel your cheeks start to flush, feeling embarrassed that he is bored of you, or you aren’t doing a good job at teaching him.

“Hey are you okay?” You ask him putting your pencil down. “You seem distracted, I’m sorry if this is boring you or not making sense. I’ve never really tried helping someone study.”

“No oh my god no! You’re perfect, you aren’t boring at all!” He tries telling you “I guess I have been a little distracted lately”

“Do you want to talk about it? I may not be the best teacher but I’m a great listener.” You smile at him

He nods. “The thing is, I like this girl, a lot. I never thought she’d be my type but she is. I bet she probably thinks the same thing, but she could do so much better than me. She’s smart, funny, and so cute. What do I have that could possibly help her?”

Hearing him talk about another girl upset you a little bit, made you think about how lucky she must be. You weren’t going to let that show though, you were going to help him.

“You having many amazing qualities. You’re an awesome friend to my little brother, you care about everyone and try your best to make them laugh when they’re down, you’re handsome. You’re an overall great guy. I take it this isn’t some hot girl you met at a party?”

“No” he shakes his head “it’s an incredibly adorable and sweet girl who offered to help me study after school today”

You feel your face immediately turn red and give him a confused look. “What?”

“Oh come on, you’re smarter than that. I had to of been making it obvious”

“I’m such a dork though! Why would you ever like me? I find math entertaining!”

“That’s what’s adorable!” He exclaims with a smile “Your smartness is so cute. You make studying sexy.” He smirks

“Steve!” You say with a laugh

“I’m being serious! And I’m definitely not the only one that was making it obvious here, unless I’m just really stupid. What do you say Y/N?” He says grabbing onto your hand “Will you be my girlfriend? Or at least give me a chance?”

You lean off of your chair a little bit, pressing a kiss against his lips

“I’m taking that as a yes?”

“Oh my god, yes! Yes!” You smile with excitement “I’m so sorry. I don’t normally really kiss, god I hope that didn’t suck.”

“Trust me, it didn’t suck at all. But I bet I can change that” he says repeating your words from earlier before attaching his lips to yours again.

“I wonder when Dustin’s getting home” he says in between breaths during what’s turned into a makeout session before hearing a loud

“Holy shit!” Come out of Dustin’s mouth, making you immediately pull away

“We’re studying” you say to your brother

“Studying what? The inside of each other’s mouths!” He exclaims

“We’re also dating” Steve quickly says

Dustin has a face of utter shock, surprised by what he just heard, but finally responds

“Fine, but I still want everything the same between us. Not just you coming to the house for her, I was here first”

“Completely understand” Steve says

“You know I wouldn’t take him away from you” you tell him

“And I want to be clear, I only approve of this for Y/N happiness, and if you ever hurt her-“ Steve cuts him off. “We don’t even need to go there, I would never hurt her” he puts an arm around you

“I’m glad we got this covered then. I will leave you two to whatever you guys were doing before, frankly I don’t want to know what.” He says before heading to his room

“I think we should finish studying” Steve smirks

“Most definitely” you say before you two match your lips back together

You can’t believe the man of your dreams is finally yours. You never in a million years thought you were his type, little did you know he found smarts so attractive. “Best study date ever” you think to yourself

[xjamlessparkx]

divorce | myg | 07

summary: in which you have to go through a painful process of your own family shattering

pairing: yoongi x reader

genre: angst

01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 |12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17

You were looking around the train station. Busy people were running from one side to the other side. Heads down, eyes either on their phone screens or straight on the road they're walking. They bump into several people but don't even look back or apologize. It's everyday life in Seoul. People are too busy to wait even for a second.

"08:34. Train from Busan will arrive in six minutes" You heard the robotic voice announcing. You turned around and looked for an empty seat to sit down but sadly every seat already taken. Sighing, you started watching the busy people again, feeling like you were spying on those strangers.

The train rushed past you and let out a creaking from the train tracks, an attempt to put on the brakes and stop. Once the train stopped completely you saw people stomping out of the open doors and more people dragging themselves past them to hop on the train. Biting your lip, you started looking out for your mother.

Why haven't I asked her about her clothing? How will I recognize here between million human beings?

You were so frustrated right now and literally wanted to step on some trash can to look out for your mother. Jumping from one side to the other side, trying to get higher than those people's heights.

"Y/N?" Your expressions turned softer while you stopped in your tracks, closing your eyes as you felt her stepping closer and her scent touching the tip of your nose. You turned around and started at your mother who had a wide smile plastered on her lips.

"Mom...", smiling at your mother you ran up to her, not hesitating a slight moment to embrace her firmly. She was a little surprised but hugged you back, caressing your hair. You leaned back to look into her eyes. She was still the same even though it was probably three years ago when you saw her the last time. Her short brown hair was flying because of the wind blowing through it. She had small wrinkles under her dark eyes, but she covered it perfectly with makeup.

"What happened to you?" She stepped a few steps back and held your hands while eyeing you up and down. "Did you stop eating? What about your face, eyebags, dried lips, darling... when did you stop caring about yourself and your health?" She asked with concern, her eyes wide open while she didn't want to miss one single change which you weren't aware of.

You knew that you lost a little weight but doesn't count that as a concern. Also, that you suffered from hair loss since a year but you knew it was because of the stress. Once the stress disappears your little hairless spots would grow healthy hair again.

"Let's head home, the taxi is already waiting." You say, avoiding the questions and focusing on going home. Once you reached your taxi you helped your mother putting her suitcases in the luggage space and hopped in the taxi. During the ride, she held your hand and squeezed from time to time, making you feel safe.

The taxi driver helped you with the suitcases and you paid him. Sure, it wasn't cheap anymore since you had been using the same taxi since morning. You reached out for your keys and unlocked the door, letting your mother enter your house. She looked around the room, having a weak smile on her lips while she eyed your living room. You brought her bags into the guest room and went back to the living room.

"Mom are you hungry?-" she cut you off, standing up. She already removed her jacket and shoes.

Shaking her head, she grabbed your shoulders, "You should really have a break now. I will cook for dinner, okay?"

"Mom, you had a long trip behind you. I'm not letting you cook even though you're pretty exhausted", you gently took her hands in yours and smiled at her. The moment you were alone, looking into each other's eyes was the moment you realized how much you missed her and how much needed her. You leaned in and let your hands slid over her shoulders, hugging her firmly while she pulled you closer to herself. Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes, enjoying the moment. No matter how much you wanted to tell her that you missed and needed her you couldn't since you didn't want her to worry. You move back and rub her upper arms fast.

"I'm okay. I will cook!" you say as you enter your kitchen, followed by your mother.

She sat down on one of the empty chairs and watched you taking out ingredients from the fridge. Having one elbow on the table as she supported her hand which was under her chin.

"Where are the children?" Your mother asked, completely forgetting about the time. It was surprisingly awkward the moment you noticed how she watched you.

"In school..." you mumbled and took out a knife from a small drawer. She nodded and followed your actions detailed. She chuckled slightly, "They don't know I came, huh?" She raised an eyebrow and you nodded at her question which made her happier. They sure will be surprised by their grandmother's visit.

"So ... how are you doing? You asked me to come and now you're quiet," she let out a soft chuckle.

"How am I doing, mum. My husband wants a divorce, he has a new girl, my children found out and I am hella sure they're doing awful, I haven't got a proper job to make a living and my stress level rise. I am doing totally fine, what ridiculous question to ask, mom." You find yourself rolling your eyes but instant regret came up when your mother eyed you sadly.

"Darling, I'm sorry, I-" you cut her off, taking a deep breath.

"No mom. I'm sorry, I was rude... I apologize..." you bit your lip, looking at the floor in shame. Hearing a slight chuckle, your head shoots up, looking into your mother's eyes. She smiled and stood up while she came up to you. She softly plastered a kiss on your temple as she helped you making dinner.

Suddenly, your phone screen lit up. You furrowed your eyebrows as you took your phone in your hands to see Yoongi's name on the screen.

Min Yoongi: I will take the children today. So don't worry when we come home late!

You clicked on his name and called him. The curiosity was taking over you. Why would he want to take the children in a sudden without even talking about it? Your mother eyed you questioningly as she was doing the whole day, now.

"You saw the message?" was his question before even greeting me.

"That's why I called..." you turned away from your mother, knowing that she would want you to switch on the speaker. Taking the tomatoes, you went to the sink to wash them.

"Yes... I, I missed them and wanted to spend time with them-" you cut him off, not wanting to sound rude.

"But you just saw them yesterday. I mean I have nothing against you picking them up, I was just curious as to why you tell me so suddenly..." you told him honestly, taking a knife out to start cutting the tomatoes with one hand.

"Uhm ...like, yesterday was a little harsh and I think we deserve a little time together ..." he was hiding something, but you didn't know what. Yoongi would always start repeating himself and using filling words to express himself because he was either nervous or hiding something. You took a deep breath as you still nodded. That would mean you could spend some time together with your mother since it was already weekend and the children wouldn't let her go easily.

"Alright, then" you let out and without another reply, he hung up.

"Was it him?" your mother asked, making you wince and turn on your feet, immediately. As if you committed a crime you started nodding quickly. She bit her lip, turning to what she was doing right now.

"What did he say?" she looked up and you felt yourself growing uncomfortable. You didn't know why but it felt like you did something wrong and started shaking nervously. Shrugging your shoulders and putting the phone on the counter, you smiled, "He told me that he will pick up the kids ..." you nodded hesitantly.

"Then it's going to be only the two of us, huh?" she smiled, and you had to chuckle while helping her. When you finished with preparing dinner you sat down and ate while talking about everything that happened in the past years you haven't met your mother. She was listening closely while you started from the first day of your marriage. You kept it all short though. After the meal you started cleaning the mess and no lies, you didn't stop talking. It was great to have her again. By the time you somehow stopped talking about Yoongi and you and started with great memories you had which included Yoongi as well. It felt refreshing to talk about good days rather than bad days who negatively have an effect on you.

It was already dark outside and you and your mother were drinking tea in the living room, completely forgetting about your surroundings and only focusing on you two.

"Mom" you put your glass on the small table and stood up, "How about I make your bed comfortable while you go take a warm shower. It must've been a long day for you, I'm sure you need to rest now."

She nodded, putting her glass on the table as well, "You're right, darling... I will go then" she slowly walked upstairs, and you followed her, going into the guest's room. You changed the bed sheets and pulled some comfortable pillows on the bed. After you turned up the heater you went downstairs again. The trash can was super full, and you wanted to throw away the bags before you went in again. It was another habit of you, having to deal with the perfection of the house. You went outside without even wearing a jacket. Just as you threw the bags in the ton you heard a car parking in front of your house. You turned around and saw the black car of Yoongi stopping in front of your house. Smiling from ear to ear since you missed your children, you approached his car only causing your smile to fade when you saw a person sitting in the passenger's seat.

Her.

His new affair.

Your smile dropped completely as you felt the cold wind breezing against your cheeks, making them flush in a shade of pink. You didn't know if it was anger boiling up or disappointment. Just as Yoongi helped Junsun out of the car he felt your presence. Turning around he stopped in his track as if he was caught betraying someone his expressions fell. Ahran and Junsun were running up to you, hugging you tightly.

"Mom! We missed you!" You felt the tears burning in your eyes as you looked down to the two and smiled forcefully.

"I missed you, too", your voice cracked and you hated the fact that he heard it. You kissed their cheeks. "Now, go home. There is a surprise waiting for you." Fortunately, you left the door a crack open so they could enter the house to get surprised by their grandmother. They happily ran past you and you took a step back, not considering the girl's eyes who was probably smiling at her accomplishment from ear to ear. Your gaze was fixed on Yoongi's. His expression softened a little and you recognized his face being shocked.

"I-" he started but you only took a step back again, making him pause. You dreadfully started his eyes. "Y/N, I-" he muttered, only getting interrupted again by you who were turning around and leaving him with an angry expression on your face. Your heart started beating faster than usual and it wasn't because of sorrow, no, this time it was due to extreme madness. You went in and shut the door, causing a loud 'crack' as if it just fell from its place. Your hand went up to your forehead and you sighed deeply, biting your lip to stop yourself from hyperventilating.

The laughter from upstairs was making you feel slightly better and you rushed to your kids only to find them on the lap of their grandmother.

"Mom! Why didn't you tell us that grandmother would come?" Ahran giggled, hugging your mother tightly.

"Surprise!" you faked a smile since you still weren't over the fact that Yoongi took the children to introduce them to his new girl. You shut your eyes.

"Ow, my babies grew up so fast!" your mother kissed the two and literally didn't stop.

"C' mon guys, grandmother needs some rest! We have the whole day for us tomorrow!" you said dragging them out, making your mother smile in confusion. She was too tired to ask you about what was going on though. You brought the two into the bathroom as you bathed both in succession. After drying them you got them in their pajamas.

Ahran was sitting on the washing machine while Junsun had out a small chair on which he stepped to see himself in the mirror. You three were brushing your teeth as you started drifting off. You spit the toothpaste in the sink and washed your mouth, turning to Ahran and Junsun.

"So ... how was your day?" you slowly asked, furrowing your eyebrows. Ahran washed her mouth as well and smiled widely.

"I never had a better day!" Her eyes sparkled.

Well, shit.

Junsun spits out his saliva and still had some toothbrush around his lips, "If it weren't for this silly noona..." he washed his mouth and you literally could feel a stone falling from your heart. You held back your smile.

"Why, why?" You muttered, feeling a little embarrassed and childish for spying on a child.

"She was acting too nicely, you could see it was fake!" Ahran shrugged her shoulders and you looked at Junsun waiting for his reply. He furrowed his eyebrows.

"At first I thought that she was actually really nice ..." at that moment your heart started beating faster, afraid of what he was going to say. Does he still think like that? Your eyebrows raised themselves, waiting for him to finish his sentence, "But then she wanted us to call her 'mom'. Why would I do that? I already have the best mommy in the world." He rolled his eyes and you couldn't really feel happy about his statement. This little brat tries to steal your children or what? You bit your lip, bringing the children to their bed and also leaving to lie down yourself. You took a deep breath. This girl will see what happens to her. How dare she ask your children to call her young ass a 'mom'. Does she even know what it means to be a mother? Damn girl, you will see ...

_

"Grandmother, let's buy cotton candy" Ahran jumped from one side to the other side. It was a Saturday morning and you went out with your children and mother because you knew that the children would beg you to go to the amusement park. You did as they wanted, not breaking their hearts and after that you went to the mall, to go shopping.

Spending time with your family was the best thing to do and you enjoyed your time until your phone started ringing.

"Hello?" you mumbled at the unknown ID.

"Is this Y/F/N?" a familiar male voice asked through the phone. You were sure that you heard his voice from somewhere, "I am from the Fiji restaurant." Your lips curled into a small smile as you let out a laugh. "I know that you would start on Monday, but our Cleaning personnel is reported sick and we need someone as soon as possible. Would it be okay for you to stand in for today?" you turned around looking at your mother who was holding up a dress for Ahran, examining it thoroughly.

"Uhm ... of course" you said without even thinking about it. Now, that your mother was here it shouldn't be a problem for you to go work.

"When should I start?" you asked, not expecting this answer.

"Now!"

_

It was all totally hectic, and you rushed to your mother, giving her the keys and telling her about leaving for work. Ahran and Junsun were slightly disappointed but you promised them to make it up to them. After saying your goodbyes, you took a taxi to the restaurant since it was in the city and not close to your area.

You looked at the time and took a deep breath. It's been already more than two hours that you started cleaning the bathrooms and the kitchen. You even helped with washing the dishes which you didn't remember being in the contract. You had a white smock around your waist and your hair was tied in a high ponytail. The workers were totally nice and so were the other guests in here even though many of them were high society and totally rich. It was already past midnight and your boss told you to check on the bathrooms and then leave. He was happy and grateful that you had the chance to appear. This would make you look better and gain positive points. You went into the women bathroom and checked if there was something dirty. You felt like cleaning home, maybe this was really a suitable job for you. You had to laugh.

"Oh ... isn't that, Y/N?!" A high female voice shrieks and you wince at her voice being a bother to your ears. There she stood in a skin-tight red dress, hair over her shoulders so that it wasn't recognizable that her hair was long. You bit your lip, trying to remain calm as the memories of what your children have told you came back.

"I and my boyfriend were about to leave right now..." she added as if she knew that you worked here. It couldn't be a coincidence.

"I don't care what you do." You snap at her as you try to walk past her, but she stepped aside, blocking your way.

"Are you working here?" she eyed you up and down, having a sly smirk on her face. You noticed that you still didn't know her name. You smiled back, fakely.

"What a pity!" she crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"There is only one thing that is pitiful" you started, stepping closer, "Trying so hard to become a mother of children who doesn't belong to someone!" you stated, knowing that when she is here, Yoongi wouldn't be far away. Before you could take her by her hair you went past her, brushing your shoulder hard against hers. You went to the staff room and took your smock off. After taking your belongings you stomped out of the room and went outside only to be met by two pairs of familiar eyes, eyeing you surprised.

Yoongi.

He was leaning against his car, probably waiting for his brat to arrive. You furrowed your eyebrows and turned the other way when he suddenly ran up to you an grabbed your elbow. You furiously freed yourself, turning around.

"Y/N, let's talk!" his eyes where fixed on yours as he stared into your empty soul.

"What is there to talk about?" Just as you wanted to snap at him, your head turned to the entrance of the restaurant, showing his girl stomping out. "The new mother of your children is waiting for you." You say monotonous, turning around to leave him in shook.

How dare he even talk to you? You didn't want to make a move in the restaurant, it will cause you to lose your job and you couldn't risk that. Not even for the anger which was piercing through this disrespectful girl. It was already past midnight and there were not many stores open. You saw a small light from the corner of your eye and the smell of coffee. You approached the booth outside, buying yourself a huge cup of coffee. Your first intention wasn't to drink coffee, absolutely not.

_

Slowly, pour the coffee into the small sink in a public restroom you grabbed the bottle of soju you bought right after buying the coffee. You remembered the last time you did this was before you met Yoongi. After meeting him you promised to never drink again. That is why your alcohol tolerance was pretty low and you knew you could get wasted even by one shot. That was exaggerated but still, you weren't used to alcohol. You poured the bottle with soju in the now empty cup of coffee. No one should now that you were drinking alcohol all alone in the middle of the night. You exited the restroom and sat down on the bench, drinking the liquor fast.

It wasn't a park where you sat, it was the city where many people were still busy. Unbelievable, it was midnight but people were still working their asses off or met up with co-workers. You felt your vision getting blurry as you finished the cup. Holding it up over your open mouth you start shaking the cup to see if there is still something in it. Disappointed, threw the cup on the ground gaining a little attention which disappears because people simply didn't care. You stood up, searching for your phone in your bag. It felt like a huge jungle was down there. You sighed, "Fuck it!"

Yeah, you were drunk.

You didn't even know why you drank after so many years. Did you try to banish your pain? The hurtful feeling, the moment you saw that witch on the passenger's seat or the anger which you had because of Yoongi.

Suddenly, two hands grabbed your upper arms. Your eyes widened and your women instinct told you to act before someone could kidnap you. Turning around harshly, you slapped the person across the face only to be met by Yoongi who now, held his cheek in pain.

"Yoongi?" you mumbled, hearing a loud sigh from him. "Did you follow me?! Are you spying on me?!" you started bombarding him with questions which he didn't seem to answer.

"Let's talk..."

[gromvillage]

all odd numbers. do it coward

jesus fucking christ i love you

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

probably one of my friends when we went to the mall the day before homecoming?? it was a while ago

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

i can’t wait to see my cousin again but i also have this one really cool uncle that i’d like to see again. actually i’d like to see a lot of my family cause they live far away but i don’t know when i’ll see them next

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

i never want to be drunk but i think they definitely would 

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

i’d like to say yes because i’m a thirsty bitch but the answer is prolly no

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

negative ghostrider, my friends are tired of hearing me talk about me being thirsty

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? 

me yelling at my friends about how i want to be on bear grylls’ show, cause i think him and i would have a great time hanging out

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

oh hell yeah, my friends got acrylics a couple months ago and i was literally begging them to play with my hair and scratch my head

15. What good thing happened this summer?

lots of good things happened this summer! i went to scout camp, went to washington/canada with some friends, and went to europe for the first time!!   

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

i’d like to think so! but also,,,,i think it’s probably not like little green dudes sadly, prolly just like microscopic shit that happens to be alive

19. Do you like bubble baths?

i haven’t taken a bath since i was really young, the idea of sitting in your own water is gross

21. What are you bad habits?

oh lots...picking the skin around my nails, i can be really lazy, not tidying up my room as often as i should which then makes me feel weird, the list can go on and on

23. Do you have trust issues?

oh you bet baby, i don’t really have reason to cause no one has done anything absolutely horrible to me (yet) but i am constantly questioning the intents of the people i’m close to

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

my face but also the fact i have no thighs and my arms are super scrawny 

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

darker, i have such a hard time tanning and i’m high key pale

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

h a h a have to have been in a relationship to have has an ex 

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

yeah one tiny one on the top of my head

33. Spell your name with your chin.

paigved

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

ohhh tough...probably tv though cause i stay listening to music all the time

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

hi welcome to chili’s

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

rei or any outdoor store really, small independent stationary shops, target kinda slaps, really any little shop that’s along the main street of a smaller town

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

negative ghostrider

43. Do you smile at strangers?

not really, i’m super self conscious about my teeth and also think i look kinda creepy when i do it

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

the fact i have to go to school sadly but my goal is to one day get out of bed and be excited to do a job i love

47. Have you ever been high?

negative ghostrider, that kinda shit freaks me out

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

yeah there’s a couple things

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

all the time, i stay wishing i was an olympic skier or pro mountain athlete or literally anyone more interesting than me

53. Favourite makeup brand?

i don’t wear makeup!

55. Favourite blog?

@friendlydinosaur of course but also big fan of @perpetualpatchwork and a bunch of bon appetit blogs

57. Favourite food?

bread/pasta/sweets

59. First thing you ate this morning?

really lame breakfast sandwich thing on a piece of toast with cream cheese and lunch meat cause i’m lazy

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

no but i kinda wish, i have too much of a fear of authority/my parents

63. Ever been in love?

not yet

65. Are you hungry right now?

not super hungry but i could go for some ice cream

67. Facebook or Twitter?

twitter, i’m not a 40 year old lady jesus christ

69. Are you watching tv right now?

nope

71. Craving something? What?

someone to hold me but also really wanna go skiing or on an adventure in general

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

that’s gonna be a no

75. Favourite animal?

ohhh i stay being a closet horse girl but also think elk are pretty cool! also just generally love dogs

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

chocolate (but vanilla if it’s the really good shit)

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

maroon! i stay wearing this color all the time

81. Favourite tv show?

i still haven’t finished turn but i do like it a lot! also i just think i finished watching something on netflix but i can’t remember what?? but i feel like i liked it?? thinking is hard

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

never seen either sadly

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

see above

87. First person you talked to today?

my mom

89. Name a person you hate?

there are a couple but i’m not bouta drag em on tumblr

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? 

oh i could come up with a few people....

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

sadly only two pairs but i want more

95. Last movie you watched?

part of ratatouille with this girl that’s kinda like a little cousin to me

97. Favourite actor?

i don’t really have a favorite but i’m big on timothee chalamet at the moment

99. Have any pets?

a sickly beta fish i inherited from my brother when he moved

101. Do you type fast?

i’d like to think so

103. Can you spell well?

oh hell no

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

a couple, though none recently sadly 

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

a few times!! again, closet horse girl

109. Is something irritating you right now?

the fact i’ve left some major work till the last minute, this one really painful pimple on my face, the way i stay wasting my time

111. Do you have trust issues?

this is a repeat from 23?? but the answer is still yes

113. What was your childhood nickname?

paigey, but a lot of people still use it! also foo foo the snoo was something my mom called me as kind of an inside joke rhyme thing

115. Do you play the Wii?

not anymore, though i was big on wii sports resort and the wipeout game when i was younger. oh also the lego harry potter, cause i liked to collect all the coins while my brother did the Actual Gaming for the levels

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

not really, the noodles are always super mushy and i just don’t really like the flavor

119. Favourite book?

i sadly haven’t been reading a ton lately and have forgotten literally every book i’ve ever read but i really enjoyed on jon krakauer’s  eiger dreams that i read this summer

121. Are you mean?

sometimes, yeah

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

i kept a pair of white slip on vans pretty clean for a while! the trick is to use scotch guard

125. Do you believe in true love?

i haven’t thought about it a lot but i guess? 

127. What makes you happy?

oh lots of things! nice weather, spending time outdoors, good food, time with good friends, ice cream, exploring, creating things

129. What your zodiac sign?

sagittarius (almost my birthday!!)

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

now that i think about it i don’t think i have a best guy friend?? but if i did i guess if i didn’t like them i’d try and be nice about it cause i’ve had a crush on close friends and know it sucks when they don’t feel the same way

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

“but if i get my shit together this year maybe i’ll be a ten” -10/10 by rex orange county

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

oh i’m sure i told some dumb lies when i was a kid but i can’t remember any right now

137. How tall are you?

barely 5′1″

139. Brunette or Blonde?

brunette

141. Night or Day?

depends on the mood

143. Are you a vegetarian?

i really should be for the earth but meat bruh

145. Tea or Coffee?

i don’t drink either!

147. Mars or Snickers?

snickers

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

not really but the other night i woke up to my waterbottle falling off my nightstand and that was some freaky shit

love you dude, i really needed this tonight

[kmelanin]

Hyunnie

A/N: This man right here has got me fucked up. He had taken over my heart, he owns myjksnfknvaerkvjns. I hope you enjoy! 

WARNING: ANGST

____

Two years ago during your sophomore year you met a guy named Hwang Hyunjin.

You were new to the school and he told you that he was new and came a couple weeks earlier. You felt a little more safe with him, especially knowing that he was new as well. He knew how you felt.

He guided you to your classes and answered any questions you had. You remember sitting at lunch with him and talking on and on about everything. You instantly felt a connection with him, and so did he. That's when you both became really good friends.

At first you were really skeptical. He was such a beautiful guy, and he continued to hang out with you. You thought that maybe on your second day, he wouldn't be so up front and friendly. But you were wrong. After agreeing on being friends he was stuck to your side.

For the next year, he made sure that you could trust him and you felt comfortable. It was still quite strange. You've never had a guy friend before. Hyunjin was the type of guy you would have a crush on, not to be your best friend. But he was, you weren't complaining.

Your family moved to Korea, because your father’s job got relocated. You were half black and half white. You were bigger than the girls in your school, mainly in the legs and butt and breasts.You didn't really care what people thought of you. But that doesn't mean they forgot to always remind you.

Hyunjin was always so oblivious, he always tried to find the good in people. Which is something you loved about him. You knew that once he was angry it was hard to calm him down. And you learned that about a year and a half into your friendship at his own birthday party.

You took so long to prepare his party. Overall it was a pool party at a rooftop hotel. No one but Hyunjin knew that you planned it. Everyone else just knew to come and have fun. But you didn't.

It felt so cliche how it happened. Some dumb insecure girl got all mad that Hyunjin wasn't hers. She threw out names and disrespectful words. Then her brother came over and pushed you down when you tried to stick up for yourself.

Now you sat in the in the hotel room you rented, crying.Your knee was swollen and bloody. You could barely walk. You were so pissed at yourself. You knew Hyunjin would be looking for you, and you know this will ruin his day.

Just two minutes later your phone slowly started blowing up.

2:06 Hyunnie: Yn! Where are you? I wanna cut the cake.

2:11 Hyunnie: Yn??

2:13 Hyunnie: Why aren't you answering?

You stop looking at your phone, too much was happening right now. You took a couple of deep breaths trying to ignore the dings coming from the device in your hand. You sighed and looked again.

2:15 Hyunnie: If you don't answer in the next five minutes I'm sending everyone home and sending a search team.

2:16 Hyunnie: I swear.

You eyes grew extremely wide at time now. It was now eight minutes later and you were trying to type as fast as you could. But another text popped interrupting your typing.

2:26 Hyunnie: They’re gone, now tell me where you are.

Fuck, he was already frustrated. You could tell, you could read him so well. You just quickly told him the hotel room you were in and to bring a first aid kit. You wanted to pull your hair out when you seen the extra key on the dresser and not in his pocket. You hoped it was yours, but when you felt the same shape in your pocket you groan.

Within five minutes, there was a hard knock at the door.

“YN, let me in.” His voice comes from behind the door.

“One sec,” You yell back. You take a deep breath and try your best to get up without putting too much pressure on your bad knee. You try your best to make it to the door without falling over. You wanted to cry when you realized you can hide this from him. You opened the door taking a deep breath…

“Hey why did you need this?” He asks coming in, it was kind of hard to get out of way in time, so kind of kicks your leg a little. You try your best not to cry out in pain. You just bite down on your lip. You tried to walk over to the bed, but his slight kick made it worse. You could barely step on it.

“Hyunjin…” You whine out. He sets the kit down and he turns to you. His face instantly frowning.

“Yn?”

“Help me please.” You reach out to him and attempt to walk to him, but failing and almost falling. Thankfully he catches you in time and helps you back to your original spot on the bed.

“Yn, what the fuck? Are you okay?” He asks scanning all over your body to see where you were hurt. He noticed how you cradled your knee and all of his attention was on it.

“What happened? When did this happen?” He asks all of these questions and you weren't sure if you should tell him what happened. You knew every time the girl would get close to him, he would blush and stutter. You actually didn't know why she targeted you. He likes her...she likes him...yet you are the one that's hurt. Hyunjin starts to push on it a little making you flinch.

“I barely touched you. I need to see it.” He says softly. He didn't look at you once as he grabs the kit and grabs the little scissors. He cuts up your leggings, then he continues to rip them further up startling you a little.

“Hyunjin!”

“YN LOOK!” He points to your knee. You look down and your eyes went wide when you see how dark and bruised it was. There was even a skin break and blood dripping down.

After that he practically forced the story out. He blew up, yelling at you to tell him. Yelling at himself, saying how he was such a bad friend. You had to tell him, you were going to explode literally if not.

You remember having to calm him down and making him help clean up your knee. After that you let him hold you, he said it would prevent him from beating the shit out of the guy who pushed you. But a week later it still happened. He no longer could even think about the girl. His words.

Now, you both were seniors in high school and you have a major dilemma. You have feelings for your best friend. You hated this feeling that you had. You knew it would never happen, you and him. He was so out of your league. You didn't even know how you were friends with him in the first place. It was really hard to be around him lately. Everything he does triggers you in every way. His smile makes you smile harder. His laugh makes your stomach churn. His skinship makes you think things you aren't supposed to.

You can't let yourself get hurt. He had been your shield ever since you met. You can't be hurt by your own protection.

It's Friday, which means it was now the weekend. Hyunjin usually came over around five to start the usual hangout routine. You looked at the clock and noticed that there was still a half hour until then. You wanted to punch yourself for waiting so long.

You hated dragging things on, especially when there doesn't need to be any. You pulled out your phone and called him.

“Yn? I'm almost there! I'm stopping to grab some snacks an-”

“No, it's okay Jinnie. Maybe you shouldn’t come over.” You say softly. You hoped he didn't hear you but he definitely did.

“What? Why what’s wrong? Do you not feel good? Should we reschedule to next week?” He gives you a ton of questions like usual. He always been like this, wanting to know everything.

“No Hyunjin. I don't think we should hang out any more. I-” you start to say, but he tries to interrupt you. “No Hyunjin. Listen, I don't want to lie. But I like you Hyunnie, and I can't get hurt by you. So I have to pull myself away from you. I'm sorry.” You say pulling the phone away from your head quickly. You hear a faint ‘YN!’. But you quickly hang up. You lock the door knowing he would walk right in, and that your parents have keys.

You go up to your room and start to take off your clothes to put on some comfortable clothes. You felt relief knowing that you told him. Maybe you could become friends again when your feelings for him subsided.

You just couldn't help it. He was the perfect person. He was there when you didn't even know you needed him. He understood you, you both had so much in common. That's why you were friends. But you always got this feeling around him. You felt like he treats you differently. You felt like there was a possible chance. But you have to face reality, he would never like someone like you. You were not his type at all. He used to always talk about all these girls, who were the complete opposite of you.

You sighed as you pulled your sweat up. You go into the bathroom and take off your makeup. Once you were done and you put your moisturizer on, your phone started to ring. You looked down at it and see that you had a couple of missed calls from Hyunjin.

Then there was knocking at the front door. You jumped at the sudden sound. Your heart started to beat so fast, you knew it was him. You told him not to come. You should've known he wouldn't listen. You go down stairs and you peek around the corner to the door.

He started to knock, more like pound on the door.

“YN open the fucking door. I know you're in there.” He yells out. You couldn't believe he was just yelling out, where anyone could see him.

“Hyunjin! Go away.” you yell walking to the door.

“Yn? Yn open the door.” He cries out. You hated hearing him like this, it reminded you of when you hurt your knee, how weak his voice got. It made you weak yourself. You remembered that the screen door was locked as well. So you unlock the door and prepare to face him. When he sees what you did he bangs on the screen door.

“Are you kidding me? Open this, you don't understand.”He tries to catch your eyes, each others weakness. Every time something was wrong, just looked into eachothers eyes and you knew what each other were thinking, feeling, wanting.

You look down, you made sure to keep your eyes down. He was your weakness.

“We just need a break, okay? It won't be that bad. Just hang out with some other friends.” You took a deep breath, he was making this so much harder. “Look, we can meet up at the cafe we go to in two weeks.” You try to reason.

“No, you look, baby look at me.” His voice was almost begging. Your head snapped up to him when he called you baby. He has never called you that, ever. Your face was on 450 degrees. He smiles a little when he catches your attention. “ Open the door, I don't want to talk to you through a glass door.” He says pointing at the lock on the inside. You knew as soon as you open the door he was going to pull you into his arms. It truly sounds amazing, but also scary.

You sighed.

Well this break lasted long.

You unlocked that door, and like you expected he opens it right up and he pulls you into his arms. He hold onto you like he was going to lose you forever. He walks you both forward and he shuts the door behind him with his foot. He suddenly turns you around and pushes you against the door. His body wasn't directly in front of yours, more off the the right. His head was against the wall but near your neck.

“I knew one day you would drive me crazy.” he mumbles against you. But you don't laugh at his light joke. You were frozen, unsure of what to do. He was so close to you, you could feel his body warmth seeping into you. His voice was repeating ‘baby’ over and over again in your head. “You don't have to push me away.” he says a little more clearly. He pulls away from you a little. He moves his body to be directly in front of you and  he holds your jaw in his hands making you look up at him.

His eyes were sparkling in your face even though it was quite dark in the area you were in. Your heart was practically in your ass and you were frozen in place, soaking up everything that's happening right now. You didn't realize he was leaning in until his lips were moments away from your. As soon as his lips touch yours, you felt a spark of energy surge through you and instantly kiss him back. His hands went down to your waist wanting to pull you closer, wanting to kiss you deeper. Your hands shoot up to his shoulders, they drag themselves up further and into his hair. You yank and tug on his hair, loving his lips on yours. It felt like a dream come true, his lips like clouds.

His hands were squeezing on your waist making you whine against his lips. It cut some type of leash he was on, because next thing you know, he was bending down a little and he grabs two handfuls of your ass in his hands. He rubs and kneads you making you feel weaker and weaker. You couldn't keep up with everything.

He bent down a little farther and grabs your thighs and pulls you up. It took you by surprise making you jump, which is exactly what he wanted. He laughs at how cute you looked when he took you by surprise. Where did this sudden strength come from?

“Hang out with other friends? How can I when you are the only person I hang out with?” He laughs a little kissing your forehead. You felt your self blush even harder. The position you are in, it makes you feel so vulnerable. “I like you too, dummy. This definitely wasn't the way I wanted to tell you.” He leans and lays his forehead against yours. “I will take blame of this whole situation, because of my fears.”

“Fear?” You question confused.

“Mhm, I was scared to lose you if I told you. I completely flipped when you were trying to push me away because you thought I wouldn't like you back.” He smiles a little as he moves his hips against yours a little. “Now I have you like this.” he moans against your lips. It felt like magnets were in your lips, because your lips were right on his again kissing him until he once again smiled.

[artisticallymusical]

Consequences

They smile wide,

Their teeth are white like snow.

Their lips are red. The way they flow.

Their eyes are gorgeous. Oh how they glow.

They smile wide.

They do not hide,

Their bellies show beneath their tops.

Their shorts, they show a hell of a lot.

Their heels, their shoes, they put them on top.

They do not hide.

And yet they lie.

They suck in every inch of air.

“They’re mean comments, How come you don’t care?”

“Ew. Not enough makeup!” “Go get some better hair!”

And yet they lie.

It’s two in the morning and they can’t get to bed.

They hear the screaming of the wind and those comments in their head,

And they know it’s wrong and it won’t fix a thing, but it’s better then going to bed and dreaming those nightmares again.

So it's one or maybe two. We’ll stop at ten or twenty-two.

But the reality is, words have consequences.

They got quieter, but thats okay. Maybe their laughter just walked away, but it’ll be back another day. So what?! They’re a little quieter.

Their nights got longer, but that’s okay. They’re tennagers just texting away. But what if they’re not? Well they look just fine. They’re nights just get a little bit longer.

They got a bit bigger. That’s not okay. We can’t be seen with them, just walk away. Don’t say anything, look away. They got a bit bigger.

Their sleeves got longer but that’s okay. It’s the middle of winter and what can they say? The shorts are too short on their big fat legs. Their sleeves got a bit longer.

They’re gone for a month, or two, or three, but nobody notices that they’re gone lately.

The text's mean nothing in a time of hurt or rage, but it still meant something. It hurt there hearts, they felt the pain.

Why does it matter that it’s not face to face? Were the words digitized? Is there no definition connected to what they say?

They wanted help but got drama. Wanted friends but got foe. Why hurt instead of heal? Why do they shove them? Do they not feel?

And slowly they disappear.

But the reality is, words have no consequences.

So they grapple with hope and they grapple with faith.

They gets skinner. That means pretty so now their friends stay. Now they’re the yellers, the rumor spreader, burying the self hate that stays.

Because today's reality is, words don’t really have any consequences.

The scars on their wrists? Cat scratches.

The bones at the hips? A new trend.

The botox and implants? Mere enhancements.

Because 20, 30 years ago, those words, those people, never got any consequences.

They smiled wider,

Their teeth were once white like snow.

Their lips were red. The way they used to flow.

Their eyes were once gorgeous. Oh how they once glowed.

“Are you okay?” “Oh yes! I’m very happy!”

Because nobody cares or wants to talk about what “isn’t” there or what can’t be seen, and in the end, there are no consequences. Right?

This is a poem I made for English class a few months ago. I wrote this poem fairly quickly and, if I’m 100% honest, I wrote this poem during lunch on Tuesday in only 10-15 minutes. This is because, and a lot of people know this because it is basically all I talk about, but I’ve been through a few things in life I would have rathered I didn’t. I have major ADHD issues which started when I was diagnosed with at 8. I have BPD, OCD, a Generalized severe anxiety disorder, major impulse control issues, anger issues, abandonment issues, the list goes on. I’m not looking for pity or sympathy. Although this isn’t true for all the 7.53 billion people on earth, the reality is, not many people care. Or they’re to busy to care, you've heard the excuses. Many people don't truly care, not until it’s them. I live in a first world country, in a safe home with a loving, accepting family, and go to school with amazing friends and teachers. I do not have to worry about stepping on a landmine or getting shot or being kidnapped or assaulted on my way to school and home. I do have to worry about my mental health, my school work, relationships, eating habits, weight, looks, daily habits, social position, etc. My belief is this. When you take away war, destruction, political disaster, sever 3rd world country type poverty, and you just leave society; In a first world country, you are left with mental health, bullying problems, racism, political debates, fake news, drama about stuff that does not matter, at all, despite how it affects people. The biggest problem in Canada is that we don’t want to deal with any of it. “Your kid has mental health issues and wants to die? Doesn’t know how to socialize? Can’t read or write? Your kid is not my kid, sorry. Do your grandparents have dementia? Schizophrenia? Alzheimer's? Sorry, not my problem. You're broke? Poor? Have a family? Dog? Used to fight for our country? Well, you should’ve fixed yourself when you got back. It’s not my fault your poor.” This is a common occurrence. Nowadays no one will say you have to be perfect but you still do. Nowadays we have pink shirt day but the rule “snitches get stitches” runs the large majority of school systems because GOD forbid you stand up for what’s right if it deems you ‘uncool’. This is despite the fact that it is proven that over time the bullying, stress to be perfect, keeping up with family issues and bills mentally affects the person, and yet, nobody cares until it’s them. We just say we do because nobody wants the label of being uncaring or selfish or just outright mean sometimes, because GOD forbid you’re not perfect or loved by all or have 1000+ followers on Instagram; the basis of which is to literally judge people by their photos, and then decide whether or not you like them enough to follow them. There are so many rules in first world society, so many guidelines and social laws, but nobody wants to talk about them. “Consequences” is about just that. It mentions an eating disorder, insomnia, self-harm, bullying, social media, avoidance, faith struggles etc. Then it ends with the fact that we talk about how horrible it is to call someone fat or ugly or to tell someone to kill themselves, but more often than not, nothing happens or nobody does anything. My question to society is: when did we get so judgmentally that we do things to judge whole groups.? Example: we as a society have turned the word “Emo” into a negative thing, or an insult. Emo means emotional or overly emotional. We as a society now judge people for being or having too many emotions. Why? That is not the only example, but I hope “Consequences” challenges that thinking. Repost this so that those who need support can access it. Or maybe send it to someone directly to show your support. I want everyone of the 7.53 billion people out there that either have serious, mild or little to no mental health issues, as well as those just going through a rough patch or bad day, to know that even if 7.53 billion people don’t care, I do.