#literally has happened ever single time
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Oh fuck I think I love women
#i love women in the way that I devote entirely to them without realizing there’s mega romantic undertone#and then shocked that they feel romantic towards me#true gal paler right here. that’s me#literally has happened ever single time#women love that includes nb ppl bc OOH fuck their hot as shit#best vibes really#oh I can’t imagine my life without you but totally as just platonic best friends that spend our whole time together far away from anyone els#totally as just friends tho#sorry just listening to my lesbian playlist and feeling like I love women#ruse rambles#what would a lesbian including nb people be? cuz I mean I’m not exclusive to femme nb people or just fem women#idk just posting my little women loving thoughts here
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sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'
#red said#recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis#like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes#and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not#for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening#i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine#as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital#as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin#ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes#some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am#bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me#like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD#there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife#but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't#tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us#like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well#i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point#anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also#been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them#i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it#most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables#honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk#is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry
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boy in silly sitting positions compilation
#cats#I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol#I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh#I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day#so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the#writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird#to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in#it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something#''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way#you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj#Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future''#things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up#with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just#stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house#in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty#that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn#There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not#even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy#birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public#ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take#anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some#things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like#2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were#playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol..#Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my#evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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my existence makes me feel awful for my family
#they really wanted someone so much better. im 21 ive done nothing with my life and i cant tell anyone im disabled#mum hid it from everyone but her entirely and now i cant say a thing or ill get her in drama and ill have to keep lying anyway#i had to lie about all the abuse and they saw through it but i still have to lie anyway for all of us i cant say i dont have a job#bc i have no id no nothing to my name no bank account no literally anything and that i have to take care of mum bc they would all just get#mean and give me a million questions and yell at me and dad already stopped talking to me for weeks bc he wouldn't listen when i was trying#to say the id stuff is convoluted ''why cant i just get it with you'' LEGALLY I DONT EVEN HAVE A DAD BC YOU REFUSED TO BE A PART OF IT AT#AT FUCKING ALL AND MUM HAD TO DO EVERYTHING ALONE AND DIDNT WANNA HIT YOU WITH SINGLE MOTHER TAX#I DOCUMENT WISE JUST STOPPED EXISTING I HAVE NO SCHOOL CARDS EVEN LIKE NOTHING AT ALL SHE LOST MY BIRTH CERT BOTH OF OURS AND I JUST?????#im sick of getting into fights about everything. my granddad is dying and i barely see him because dad doesnt like me anymore and its scary#trying to talk to him at all bc he'll yell if i stutter he'll yell if i tell him ive gone out snywhere at all he thinks everyone in the#world is just drooling to assault me but he's violent and scary so i cant tell him that anything has ever happened to me bc the one time i#even just vaguely told him someone wasnt nice to me he threatened to tie them to the back of his car and he's attacked my stepdad with a#screwdriver and thankfully he wasnt hurt badly hut like. im so scared of my dad. and it breaks my heart bc he used to be so gentle to me.#hes always had a bad temper i have haunting memories of him chasing me and mum in his car but he never once hit me. but the more i remember#the more i realise that he fucked me up honestly just as bad as mum did. im constantly scared of getting yelled at i cant be loving with#anyone not sincerely bc im terrified theyll leave me theyll hurt me and im always proven right and i miss my best friend and i miss my dad#i wish i could tell him about anything in my life i wish i could tell anyone anything all the secrets all the expectations n the way i know#everyone views me is killing me inside my family thinks im fat lazy selfish worthless dull stupid they think i dont even like seeing them#but they actively push me out every single occasion i see them i barely even have any photos with anyone i never get happy birthday messages#or calls or anything they all just forget i exist until they have to remember and i cant trll them any of my life bc ill get yelled at by#dad or called a liar or ill have one of my deepest secrets spilled to the entire family while im sleeping again.#whatever sorry
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rereading 20020 bc of course i am and. i just love nine okay.
#17776#20020#nine 17776#ten 17776#chatter#ITS JUST SO GOOD OKAY this story means EVERYTHING to me#like the story. the themes. the characters#the way it is TOLD if i can ever make something even half as good#just. god. i love all of jon bois stuff i watch all his documentaries on secret base#and like i know NOTHING about sports i did not come from a sports family none of this was passed down to me#and yet every single time his stuff gets me okay. and im like. yeah. yeah i get it.#its just. the stories. the land. the way its all happened before and will again#like idk which chapter it is but when nick and manny do the throw with the train#and how its like a train that ran that EXACT same route and its like#these are! football fields! arbitrarily stretched out to the us borders!#there should not be such poetry in it AND YET#literally i think juice has a line about it somewhere idk what it is just#its art without an artist. and it IS it really is#god. i tear up every time at that video. the way nick uses his obt so manny doesnt have to#the way the camera follows the train#the way every other team takes the bate and im like#nobody else is doing it like 17776 and 20020! nobody!!!!#and im like. this is it. this is what its about#these are the stories we can tell. the stories that are possible to tell#this is such a fundamental part of me AS IM SURE IS OBVIOUS#GOT A WHOLE ESSAY IN THE TAGS HERE#sometimes i think about how i was there when these were both posting#and im like. no matter what else has happened in my life#it was worth it bc i get to live in a world where stories like this exist#and will continue to be worth it bc they will continue to exist. and one day im gonna read the next part
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when im trying to message him mid break down and he gets up and does something else
#anxious attachment#literally sobbing over here#and he doesn’t even care????#every time he breaks down#every single time#im there for him#But when I need him#he’s not there for me#he never has been there for me#I hate it#favorite person#worst thing that’s ever happened to me#having a favorite person who can’t give me any love back
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so wait… furina is the name of the archon role that “furina” had to play
wouldn’t make more sense narrative wise to give her a name of her own?? like scara gets his own epic chapter about him ridding himself of his past and adopting a new name then proceed to ignore said name in favor of “hat guy” but the actress playing “furina” doesn’t get to be known for her own name?
like people of fontain (partly maybe) know the truth so why not let her free? let her enjoy the simple human life she so so longed for? even the other furina wouldn’t want this
#i think her story is a better use of the (give character name) mechanic that wasn’t really needed in scara’s arc imo#like yeah it’s cool and all but we literally saw him throw the actual physical manifestation of his past into the fucking void!!!#i personally think it was kind of wasted on him on top of me thinking that idea was entirely stupid to begin with and hyv keeps proving tha#no one actually refers to him as wanderer or by the name they choose online.. its just scara#thats both bad marketing and confusing burying the character away from new players#and like the amount of shit u have to go through as a new player just to name ur weird huge hat angry little dude is just..#but imagine how impactful such a mechanic would be for ‘furina’ who spent all her live acting a role she wasn’t#at the end of all that agony do u think she could endure hearing people call her by that name??#unlike scara she did that for the people every moment of those 500 years knowing that the fate of every person is mere a breakdown away#there was nothing in that for her or for a reward she thought deserved.. just suffering on her own#it just makes more sense for her to want a different name a different identity that has nothing to do with that role#and again i think that mechanic is stupid anyway but if it had to happen i’d loved it more with ‘furina’#or idk give her like a clueless friend she gets to meet that keeps calling her a different name for reasons and her liking the name or smth#maybe give her a different role she gets to play.. or have neuvillette give her a name#same with scara i think it would have been a lot better if he went by a name he choose when all his previous names were chosen for him#i dont see how the entirety of genshin writers and devs agreed to this mechanic being implemented honestly#like traveler is literally there waiting for a single soul to address them by their actual name (the one we choose) but every time it’s jus#traveler traveler.. even their most beloved companion calls them traveler#like that alone should've changed the writers minds bc such a name would 1. either not ever be used or replaced by a nickname#2. the hell devs had to go through to not allow certain phrases and names and 3. the hell both teams will suffer should they add a new char#tl;dr stupid dumb mechanic but they should still give furina a new name#genshin impact#furina#fontaine archon quest#scaramouche
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"this is the price of being powerful. sometimes we step on ants." spoken like a guy who fucked around and found out with Time Itself at the cost of many human lives and will continue to fuck around if it means his siblings aren't the ants being stepped on anymore
#𝐢⠀:⠀𝚘𝚘𝚌. . .⠀⠀drive a ship i cannot steer.#they were literally the ants growing up....#and reggie absolutely used their ~power to save the world~ as an excuse to treat them that way <3#anyway stop projecting king#viktor has enough problems smh#“we will never save enough lives to make up for the ones that we take” you were literally a time assassin for half a decade. meanwhile#viktor had a gun go off half an inch from his ear mid brand new sound power usage and accidentally blew up the moon#one is more drastic than the other yeah but they are NOT the same!!!#firm believer that saving the world is an easy side quest to his main quest of saving his family from dying young on his watch#while he can still do smth stop it even if that smth is fucking w TIME because. he refuses to not be there when it happens ever ever again#as long as he has the proximity and ability to save them he will#too many thoughts spawned by a single gifset. it haunts me cj thank you
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xie lian’s first instinct after kissing hua cheng is to literally run away. he just has the need to skedaddle. this has not happened just once. it’s literally his reaction every single time. he gotta scamper. can a person be anymore of a disaster.
#tgcf#heaven official’s blessing#yk what. if i ever kissed my crush i would do the same thing#xie lian literally just scampers away every time why is he like that#and hua cheng EVERY SINGLE TIME just says ‘oh ur highness ahem ur going the wrong way’#THIS HAS HAPPENED AT LEAST TWICE.
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Obligatory fancier outfit that must be present anytime I post outfits
#self#fantasy costume#If I had the money for a custom tailored fantasy-ish victorian-ish suit instead of piecing together random thrift store items with like walm#rt halloween costume type jackets and stuff..#unstoppable.....#I would actually lean more straight up historical with my wardrobe it's just that everything I own basically is thrifted aside from a very#small portion of things (like usually socks for example I get from ebay. wigs from ebay. things that it's hard to find in thrift stores. etc#) and I rarely ever find stuff like that at the bins. Your closest bet is like. hopeing that the week you come in just so happens to also be#a week that a church costume department recently donated a bunch of old stuff. but I just haven't really had much luck finding like fancy ve#sts and suit coats and cloaks or like tunics and etc. etc.#Styles like mori kei or cult party kei are pretty accessible and easy for places like the bins (where youre usually digging through piles of#curtains and fabric scraps and doilies anyway). but finding like.. a straight up tudor england costume or something is . VERY rare#Sometimes you do find halloween costumes. Or like. stuff that's clearly like cheap 'Goth' stuff from shein or aliexpress that someone has do#nated and they can be a LITTLE okay in terms of usable for costumes. But you rarely find actual good quality stuff. obviously because like#real very good quality historical costumes are expensive and most people aren't just like 'yeah dump it off to goodwill' lol#In an ideal world though I would have fancy top hats and neck ruffles and stuff .. know this ghhjbhj#Lack of that will not stop me from taking picturesin basically the same outfit 6000 times though. My one single silky black vest and#one of the two solitary ruffly neck shirts I have every been able to find.#Pointy-ish little boots that I put with everything even thogugh they look terrible up close because they're literally like over 10 yrs old#I bought them so long ago and the black fake leather lining is like peeling off of the outside#ANYWAY#he's back again... the same little generic like elf vampire ruffle shirt with vest look.. might as well be the same guy#I support him and his dumbass disintegrating shoes anyway
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HATO AND JOSUKE SIBLING DYNAMIC!!!!!!
HATO AND YASUHO FRIENDSHIP DYNAMIC!!!!!!!
HATO FORMING A TRIO WITH JOSUKE AND YASUHO AND GETTING INVOLVED IN THE MAIN PLOT AND HAVING HER INSANE CHARACTER POTENTIAL EXPLORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#THE VISION!!!!! THE VISION I HAVE OF THIS#PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEP#the sheer POTENTIAL hato has aaugghdjsjnfjdssjsjskakd literally the character of all time THE ROLE SHE COULD PLAY IN YASUHO'S ARC AARRHGHGH#reading jojolion#mine#jjba#jojos bizarre adventure#text#jojolion#hato higashikata#josuke higashikata 8#yasuho hirose#I'm still working on my chapter 58 manifesto and I cannot stop thinking about this I need it please please please araki please#I know it's not happening but if it did I would take back every single bad thing I've ever said about this series#sorry I'm in my hato fixation arc rn but I cannot stop
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In my constant brain rotations of “why are people in the west so hard on mecha aside from the fandom can be a bit unfriendly” I think one thing I realized as much as I hate to say is how mecha is sometimes treated remind me of the constant hatred superhero stuff gets.
It’s such a weird comparison because with mecha I do not know what the root of it was-and I’d love to know why but I feel there’s either no clear answer or there is one and it’s stupid-where as for superheroes in the west while there’s still a dedicated community the mainstream audiences have become tired of them due to over-saturation, which I understand, but it’s caused such a massive dismal to the entire genre of it much like mecha.
People think superhero stories can’t have any substance because it’s all about fighting and not about the characters- yet forget the SIGNIFICANT impact they had to so much pop culture. How superhero stories were rooted within comic popularity, how superheroes inspired countless of stories, even so far as reaching japan since so much early anime was taken off of western media which birthed its own genre of superheroes. It’s no different to how mecha help started up the anime industry making it one of the most important genres to japans history, yet most people don’t know it and belittle it.
Yet in superhero story cases it’s even WORSE when people are against it yet then go to see one superhero movie because it’s animated and put it on a pedestal and don’t bother to try other superhero content even though they consumed is no different from the norm. It’s the exact same shit when people watch eva and then think all other mechas don’t compare to it, when the genre always had darker, mature and emotional elements, just only a select few decide to canter to a audience who doesn’t even accept what genre it’s from which makes it all the more frustrating to deal with.
I’m someone who’s hardly into superhero stuff even if some of it catches my eye but it sucks to see that the situation is pretty identical to how mecha is seen, that I can’t help to feel sympathetic whenever I see some comic book fans upset at the mainstream audience even if they too can be a little hostile.
#meg text#to clarify I do agree 100% live action superhero movies especially the MCU got really stale#but that doesn’t mean those movies being stale should single out all superhero content when the stuff before is still GOOD#I was in a server that wasn’t mecha but someone was like “I hate superheroes” yet the discussion was just about a old Justice league cartoo#again- what’s so wrong about the animated ones? when they were from a time pre-saturation and people praise shit like spider verse?#I seriously cant tell if this is also a factor of the ever growing issue of people don’t wanna check out old things despite their importanc#*me awaiting the day someone unironically saids the boys/invincible/spider verse is a deconstruction so I can sigh in pain with actual fans#I hope to god that doesn’t happen but it feels like it’s close to why people already say superhero movies don’t have characters#and maybe that’s true bc I haven’t watched a marvel movie in ages but also I think you more so mean “characters being expanded upon”#because… every story has characters… just some can lack dimension and depth… but their still characters…#oh and it’s funny how it’s always these two that get singled out for focusing on action but shonen gets a pass 😑#action doesn’t equate to less characters!! How do people not realize this?#it’s fine if not your preference but fights can LITERALLY be CHARACTER DRIVEN#a lot of them are in fact because there’s always a purpose to these fights! Even if the meaning is sometimes barebone#also I know there’s gonna be a mecha fan who hates superhero who finds this post#and hate to break it to you but I’m pretty sure the super in super robot came from superhero and just not super powered#especially when a lot of the stuff Nagai made/worked on was him clearly tackling a superhero story from another angle#of course mecha isn’t entirely a superhero genre since we have “reals” but the 70s robots? Oh yeah meant to be superhero’s#and what I said above I think the comparison is warranted because the downplaying is unreal sometimes#will say between the two superhero’s probably have it worse because mecha honestly is more so “im curious but idk more then 5 shows”#because my god I can’t have some conversations irl where this shit doenst get unnecessary heated#had a whole English teacher who wouldn’t stop complaining about superhero movies last semester in college 💀 it’s that bad#that said mecha still suffers from people liking one show and shooting down the other it’s just not as prevalent bc mecha content is low#it’s not dead like others say but it’s mainly been gundam and people now just think gundam is every robot (which is PAINFUL but whatever)#moral of the story is don’t judge a book by it’s cover especially when that book is actually really important to fucking pop culture
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No one:
Person writing an introduction for a well-known novel: I am going to spoil the vital plot points and twists of this book for anyone who has not read it
#like genuinely what’s the reason for this. has anyone ever asked for this???#an introduction should be limited to stuff you Absolutely Need to know in order to understand this book#like vital historical context or stuff about the author or ‘hey let me just explain this concept to you real quick because if you don’t know#it; you’re not going to get a lot out of this book. or you will but you’ll spend like the first third confused’#or just like hype me up for the book if you want to. tell me about the first time you read it! tell me about the author! tell me the impact#that this book has had!!#just for god’s sake why the FUCK are you spoiling the ending before page fucking one#why are you quoting whole passages verbatim from the last quarter of the book???#this shit is afterword material. like by all means put this stuff in the BACK and i’ll refer to it at the end if i’m still confused#shoutout to graham sleight’s intro to i am legend because he manages to not spoil a thing. he does it pretty much perfectly imo#victor lavalle generally does okay as well#but there are TOO many people who just write a full-blown academic introduction in which they spoil fucking everything that happens#in the book. and they do it in such a dry and dull way that you just know it hasn’t even crossed their mind that someone might be reading#it for pleasure. they’re literally just writing it for other scholars#which is FINE but make it the afterword!!!!#i’m like heyyyyy i did actually want to read frankenstein. i did actually want to experience frankenstein#and not find out before ✨page fucking one✨ what would happen to every single person in victor’s life + victor + the monster#like jesus fucking christ. have some of these people ever talked to a human being like ever#personal
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Monkey King 2009 Episode 5
NO.
GENERALS!!!
I JUST STARTED TO BELIEVE IN YOU
a lot - and I mean a lot - happened this episode. but I'm mad about THIS.
#mhw09 personal#these absolute rat bastards#they nearly incited an actual mob against him what the hell#blaming stone monkey for literally everything from their OWN terrible preparations and lack of fortifications#to the MONKEY KING'S own tactical decisions#these GUYS#one kid is a sacrificial lamb the other is a scapegoat#NONE of you deserve EITHER of them#look I totally recognize that this episode was supposed to sort of be six ears's 'start of darkness'#highlight the frailties of his character or whatever#but look. the kids aren't getting blamed for a single thing until the adults get knocked down about twenty pegs.#six ears has been trained to 'prove himself'#but has been given poorly defined and ever-shifting expectations for a vaguely-dangled-but-never-stated 'goal' (of monkey king)#of course he leaps at any sign of approval#he's hungry to know what the hell he's supposed to be doing and that he's doing whatever that is right#he tries to set the record straight multiple times and eventually gives up#and yeah he enjoys the praise but he's also anxious he hasn't earned it so he immediately jumps at being the one to bring in the NEXT batch#make it 'real' or 'fair' so that him taking FALSE credit never happened actually it was just a little early#yes it's disingenuous and not fair to Stone Monkey#but he's being a kid#I wonder (if he hadn't FALLEN OFF A CLIFF what the hell six ears) if he might have had an attack of conscience#if he HAD found reishi mushrooms and shoved them angrily at stone monkey and made him take them back#I can see that in him#I feel that's a distinct possibility for his character - HE knows he did a bad and it's bothering him severely even if he doesn't admit it#(his angry grumbling while he tries to find the mushrooms)#so I feel like the guilt would eat him alive eventually#even if he didn't he'd probably crack and confess the whole thing to Stone Monkey within a week#also also stone monkey was SO CUTE we finally had a ton of dialogue from him and everyone else! but he was also! so sad!#seeing him happy by himself when he first set off on his own to find the reishi mushrooms was so bittersweet#stone monkey prior to the troop was lonely sure but he wasn't unhappy. no excuse for how he was treated this episode.
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GOD therseomuch shit to do i thought id have time today to DO stuff. its the fucking weekend why do ihave to do 2 classes and go outside and literally do something for school . the weekDAYS are always busy i havent had a free moment since i fucking joined
#mel roars#and i forgot to clean cicis fucking litter#like forgot as in for nearly a week#everyone always asks why im never getting another fucking pet THAT is why#because if i cant take care of it then all thats gonna happen is its going to suffer under my care#i have so much fucking due art SO many people messaging me i was LITERALLY going to delete my toyhouse account 2 days ago just to fucking#have a moment of relief#ITS NOT EVEN THAT BAD ACTUALLY. this ius normal for so many people to balance their social lives and school and work and shit but i CANT#i cant adhere to a schedule ill lose my fucking mind#i was miserable at my dads but god if it wasnt awesome to Have Free Time#i guess not talking to human beings or going outside for 2 straight years had its Perks#im so fucking sorry to everyone who has to deal with me i am SINCERELY so fucking sorry#i want to do so much stuff with so many people but its always Oh sorry i had to do something :( Sorry i cant do it today Sorry im not free#Sorry sorry sorry SORRY FUCKKKKKKK FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK WHY CANT I ACTUALLY JUST DO SOMETHING WORTHWHILE#ITS ALWAYS APOLOGIES AND YET??? NOTHING EVER CHANGES???????#and everyone knows this. every single person i have ever spoken to knos im a fucking shit at keeping promises or apologies and it SUCKS it#fucking sucks. can some one take me into their garage and put me down Please#pleas eplease pleasePLEAePLEASAE PLEASE i cant take it anymore fucking help me#i just need SOME one to tell me Directly that i am doing things wrong that im UPSETTING them because i KNOW I AM but i also DONT#unless i recieve it directly from them. god . pleasae. can someone just tell me to shut the fuck up alreasdy
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