#literally anywhere but the us at this point
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In summary, this memory was pretty good! It was so... SO MUCH. It immediately fried my brain half way through /@A@;;;;; It was insane. This memory (and the Unreturned Traveller) both left little to no room for any sort of imagination (,,>﹏<,,)
I may have some reservations about certain things with like pacing and such, but I get what they're going for (though at the same time I can't help but feel like they're also doing this spicy banner and heavy leaning on Xavier's jealous tendency in response to much of the vocal fandom really wanting it)
I won't say I love this card as much as the others but I see the appeal and still appreciate it~ I do still love the little moments in the cards and I'll put my trust with the writers still! (writers who are also fanfic authors, seriously... the wording they used during the kindled part just screams fanfic to me! 😂)
(ヘ・_・)ヘ┳━┳ into the Read-more it goes as usual! Fair warning. Long post is LONG (as per usual but at least it's not like branch story long lmao)
All in all this memory reaaaaally highlights a lot of Xavier's flaws, in a good way!
On one hand (i'm pretty sure this happened after 21 Days) now that Xavier has worked on expressing himself more with MC, he's letting the side that he's kept under wraps, out. This resulted with the Xavier we see in this memory. The insecurity, afraid that he'll lose MC-not because she'll die-but just losing out on any sort of time with her (maybe because he's also running on limited time???? angst potential????!), and his little more childish tendency to feel jealous.
He's just so baby 😭🥺 but also Xavier! You'll be okay! MC isn't going anywhere!!
For the first half of the date, I felt like there was some... unanswered questions? Maybe it's for us to figure it out. But I also felt that it was feeling a liiiiittle bit rushed?
Pretty much it seems the starting trigger for Xavier's jealousy began right in the first 3 minutes. Honestly felt that it could've been expanded on a little more, showcasing how it feels like MC would be snatched away from him 🤔 But since I'm sure there's a count to how long the dates should be, I guess they opted for this instead 「( • ヘ •) Which also still makes sense enough. But also just reminds me of the Tender Moment - Winter's Sun, where MC needs to go to a networking event and he's such a huge baby about it 😂
I think it's more than a little, MC X'DDD
This part though 🥺 The fact MC has given him access to their own place. And yet Xavier is still so proper about it. Such a gentleman uwu
MC had full faith and trust in Xavier. And Xavier, aware of it, but still would seek consent first. To which, after he has MC's consent, Xavier instead will make sure that MC knows it's him first. The care and thought in this 😭😭😭💖
HE'S LITERALLY PLAYING OUT THAT MEME I CAN'T EVEN 🤣
"You're the most jealous man I know" " You know other men?"
Ngl seeing this written where there's storm or dark clouds above Xavier's head is just funny because that's literally the vision 🤣 he's such an open book when it comes to MC
Him just wanting to hold onto MC at every opportunity even when people are around (/ω\)
First time meeting Charlie and Xavier was still polite enough... the 2nd time tho... 😂
Poor Charlie! Of all people he first meet, it had to be Xavier and inciting his jealous streak X'D and he's oblivious to it... goodness
The way MC be pushing his buttons to figure out her suspicions on his mood tho 😭 and then the way Xavier literally be pouting in his voice when he says if there's other neighbours in the future that'll do things with her is just... BABY 🥺
Xavier essentially just be slowly putting his walls down, being more indulgent in showing his feelings. And the way he asks MC to see if they are okay with it 🥺
He's just seeking out for MC's reassurance at this point
How many times has some sort of sweet fruit been mentioned whenever it's them getting intimate >w< But this guy just casually leaving MC hanging on the edge.... wow 👀 he definitely knows what he's doing
Same MC... Same... u-u
Honestly, yes 🤣 Like sir, you have centuries and loved reading and also has shown to know so much. A bit difficult to assume you HADN'T ALREADY heard of it before
But the lines right after that just had me like 🥺 Imagine the times he just sat there alone, gazing. Thinking about the things that had passed. About how uneventful or how his life lacked some sort of anchor. His only reason for continuing his days is finding a way to deal with Philos's core and bringing the Backtrackers home. Or maybe to go to Uluru... stuff like that
Ngl... this line from MC had me be like ??????? cuz it made no sense to me;;; Not sure if it's just me not getting it lol.
But I went to look up the CN version and it's (very, very roughly) more along the lines of "If there's no fire, nothing would explode even with a fuse".
Interestingly enough, Xavier seems to avoid answering it? It also happened later, when MC tried to understand Xavier's change. I wonder why he avoided it. out of ego? inability to admit it because it'll be embarrassing? he doesn't know how to put it in words?
Anyways
The fact they be having such a sweet intimate moment and Mr neighbour Charlie came busting in. The face Xavier has. He couldn't even contain his emotions 🤣 thankfully he didn't need to run for his life.
Xavier really be staring him down at the side there 🤣🤣🤣 And Xavier just... 😭 I can't even with this baby. Charlie please read the room there if you know what's good for you...!
The way he just casually lies about this like....! Xavier please 🤣 One can tell he's trying to find a way to subtly tell Charlie to leave them alone I guess but you can tell he's also just letting his temper get the better of him and it came out this way
Okay this part of the whole date was like one of the biggest point to me :C
The way he has worded "do you want me to go back to how I was before?" was very much in a way referencing to one of their things about "every version of them". And the way that line was worded also reeked of Xavier's uncertainty. He was worried there. Was it too much? Is it going to end up driving MC away from him? MC of course did their best to try and ease his worry. It wasn't so much MC wanting Xavier to be how he was before but they just want to understand him more.
And the way Xavier just turns around and proceeds to take it out on the tree instead 😭😭😭😭 Xavier the tree is innocent...! That aside, he's definitely struggling to figure his own feelings out but that childish temper just pretty much got into his head so much that he couldn't keep his usual more level-headedness.
Also MC, did you really HAVE to kick him on his ass just to get his attention? 🤣 Man's angy enough and that definitely cranked his angy up to a 110
The way Xavier nuzzles saying he doesn't know (what else to suggest to help him calm down) was 🥺 he was needy and desperate at that point and he really didn't know how to deal with his emotion like... UGH muh heart
And MC THE INSTIGATOR...! The real freak fr 🤣😭 setting him off to go down the spicy route 😏 of course he's gonna respond in kind
MC gripping and stroking his chin like this 😩
and now that he knows he's allow to... man... MC just unleashed his desire
Him just smirking the rest of the way through.... asdfghjkl
LIKE HELP PLEASE (⁄ ⁄•⁄-⁄•⁄ ⁄)
The insane animation and voice acting for these round of cards was.... inasne... even the EN side has upped their game!
The kindled wasn't too long but boy did it show SO MUCH. AND THE SPICINESS WASN'T JUST IN THE KINDLED LIKE ASDFGHJKL
IT WENT BEYOND
And so much longer than I ever thought. Like after a short fade to black was the usual, so I was expecting that but OH NO NOT THIS TIME LIKE... WRITERS PLEASE ( //>///<//) MY SANITY WAS NOT ABLE TO TANK THAT
the devs making full use of their blended animation state machine with the spicy after-kindled scenario was insane. It's like on a whole new level of expressing their emotion. And the sweat...?! THE SWEAT! the heavy breathing too like... (๑/////๑ " )
You can't tell me this isn't totally a line used so much in fanfics LMAO
🥺 This. When he said "Don't go..." also screamed to me that he was afraid. He still was. The fleeting moments his has with MC, he was scared it'll just disappear
🥺🥺😭😭😭
ASDFGHJKL when this part came up I had to freak the heck out 🤣 jumpscared fr
JUST HOW MUCH WERE THEY GOING AT IT FOR?! 😭 like rabbits??
And him admitting that he's afraid, although indirectly (also sir, you're not answering the question again T^T)
And the way MC says "I know" here. It says so much about how they understand each other more than themselves at this point like 😭
MC reassuring Xavier after this as well, to make sure he understands and knows that he's not alone, and he won't be 🥺
I... what do I even say about this இ௰இ I'm sure there's something to say but brain not braining
And the return of their little domestic moments uwu💖
This had me cackling 🤣 One can never be too careful when Xavier's in the kitchen
And more little things to signify them as a pair. Filling their homes with pieces of each other
And Xavier putting the words he couldn't say into a card like... 😭💖
Him being surprised at himself for how much feelings he has held and how much more there still is. And despite all that he makes sure to ask MC if they'd be okay with it. Xavier always checking in on MC is just precious. 🥺 ensuring they're both on the same page. Be it about work, about the progress of their relationship. It's always about that. Being together and in the same step.
I previously had some reservations about how this memory was resolved but looking back at it again, Xavier's trying to show it in his own way and MC understood and also responded in a way that it's on the same page as him. Alongside with a small little banter to end it uwu
I can't wait to see how their relationship develops further. If and when Xavier grows to be more secure and knowing that MC won't leave him. I can imagine him being a lot more of a menace than he already is. Even if he gets a little jealous, he won't be insecure about it anymore and just kinda does his lil pouty baby act on purpose. That kind of thing! This might just be my own preference speaking but... yea •ᴗ•
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♡ How They React To Finding You Sleeping Somewhere Uncomfortable After Running Away From Them ♡
(In my defense for not writing sooner in the day and starting to write my fic of the day literally minutes before minute, I just got portal 2 which I have never played before so… also it sstill counts as a fic per day I think because it's once per sleep cycle and since I'm not sleeping until like 2 here, it's fine.)
♡ Probably more enraged than any of the others about this because she has dignity as a noble so she'd be angry to find her queen even sleeping in a medium quality bed but in a cheap inn? Where it's cold and they offered you nothing but a simple cloth blanket? With less than desired food accommodations? She should burn this inn to the ground for not recognizing that they had nobility in their mix but no, she'll let it be for now, she could use that as blackmail after all. If you don't want that inn burning to the ground then you had better start accepting your place as queen, if you don't then she might tell everyone that they polluted her queen's mind! Look, her queen prefer commoner things ever since she returned from that nasty place! They ruined your tastes! You'll listen to her now right? ♡
♡ Elisha might be a bit angry depending on how bad and makeshift your accommodations are. You're rarely anywhere super fancy when it comes to her however even when you're camping outside or in an inn she always makes sure she has some fur blankets in the heavy backpack she lugs around just for her darling, at some point I imagine she would even try to learn some sort of storage magic though being the chosen one it means she's mostly incompatible with any magic that doesn't involve killing dragons so it probably would be a failed attempt. The point is though she makes sure you're decently comfortable so if she finds you cold and laying on the floor somewhere she's going to get pretty mad. I think she'd be pretty delusional about it though and think that you must not have chosen this, you just got lost and any attempts to tell her otherwise fall on deaf ears as she bundles you up. ♡
♡ While Pauline might not say this very often, it's clear by her actions that her darling is supposed to receive more luxuries than even she does and this becomes especially true when her parents are killed and you are given free reign of the master bedroom to make it as comfortable to you as possible, it doesn't matter if she doesn't prefer the fabric or whatever you chose for the bedding because her greatest comfort is you. Having said this, it would be extremely irritating to find you sleeping out in the forest, probably stuck there due to the curse banning you from going too far from her because she never wants to be like her family, depriving their darlings of luxuries as punishment. She isn't likely to say much about it except for whispering under her breath for awhile about how you're an idiot and holding you tighter as you sleep. You will however find you have a whole slew of chamber maids assigned specifically to keep you in luxuries and prevent you from going anywhere uncomfortable for you. ♡
♡ Abigail is incapable of being normal about this. While the others can refrain from taking their rage out on an innocent business, she can not. How could they let a delicate lady stay in such an unrefined place? Of course they had to have know you were a fragile little lady, it would be impossible not to, she saw it on you the first second she met you so they would have had to realize you needed better commodities. Just to spite them she'd buy out the business and turn it into a luxury inn that allows ladies to stay there for cheaper which would be subsidized by the kingdom nobles because if their darling ever went away they would also like to know they were staying somewhere better. She'll also have to send you away for training in the family manor while she is back at the capital preaching about how they need more luxury inns that are cheap because the ladies couldn't possibly stay somewhere with a rough bed even for a night. ♡
♡ She is by far the worst about this, you are of course a perfect beautiful goddess and these people had the pleasure of being the ones who were supposed to serve you while you were in their establishment yet she finds you in a filthy room that's freezing cold so now she is going to eat them all. She'll hunt them and let them know fear before she finishes their sorry lives and then she'll burn the building to the ground because it is truly a place of horror in her eyes. She hopes once she gets you home you'll understand out of all the filthy pests in the world she is the only person capable of ever serving you correctly. She'll also cry a lot. ♡
♡ Don't think for even a second just because you live in the forest you won't have a nice place to sleep. Your sleeping conditions are pretty excellent because she always goes hunting in order to find great furs and invites plenty of merchants to turn the things she steals and gathers for you into luxury goods, they even put a good bed frame and mattress in the cave though you don't sleep on that when she's in heat or it would break. She also wouldn't be super angry about it though if she just finds you asleep somewhere in the forest, she'll drag you back to the cave and lay you done. If you have a scratch on you though then it's another story and she might chain you to the bed in the cave so stay comfortable and importantly, not hurt. ♡
♡ When she finds you, into the jail cell you go, she'll laugh really hard about it too. She's not the highest court position possible but she's still close to the top being one of the few who can make Theanna even chuckle with her cruelty in her comedy and executions and nobles are generally scared of her so if she asks for their room because it's better than hers, they will generally give in because she always seems to find a reason to execute anyone she doesn't like. If you don't like those accommodations though then you two can just sleep in the jail cell together because she has never been picky about where she sleeps. She'll find it very funny that you're stuck in a jail cell when you could have had a proper bed. Might let you out if you stuck her dick. ♡
♡ Ainsley has a decent bit of delusionality to her but even this is hard for her to write off. You'll have to work very very hard to convince her you love her and that you just got lost out there or were confused and didn't realize you loved her until you were sad and alone out there. You need to make sure to convince her though because if she's not convince then she will kill you both. Eventually she'll believe that you really were just lost out there and afterwards she'll keep you trapped in the two upper floors of the tower forever. She'll be the most upset about it because it challenges her delusionality that you wanted to be away from her so bad you fell asleep under a cold hard tree. ♡
#yandere oc#yandere lesbian#yandere x reader#yandere x y/n#yandere scenarios#my oc theanna#my oc elisha#my oc pauline#my oc abigail#my oc raphael#my oc veronia#my oc bibi#my oc ainsley
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do i have any single male mutuals (lol) preferably from another country (ireland, scotland, england) that want to get married so i can move to said country and get my masters so i can save the world and give you babies
serious inquires only 🤍
this will become urgent if trump wins the next election ✨
#PLEASE LMFAO#i wanna move to ireland SO BAD#give me the GREEN#the FOLKLORE#and the accents#yeah i am romanticizing it#but i’m also a bitch#i’ll fit right in i promise#me#ireland#scotland#england#literally anywhere but the us at this point#but you have to be okay w pet snakes#so#canada is cool#i just can’t move to australia or new zealand#cause he’s illegal :(
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I AM AT MY LIMIT
Snoopy #90
30/12/2024
description under the cut
[description: a cartoon-style drawing of Snoopy's head. Snoopy is a white dog with black ears. His eyes are shut and his mouth is a horizontal line. There are two large blue teardrops, one under each eye. The text "I am at my limit" is handwritten across the top of the image.]
#peanuts#snoopy#art#90#based on that emoji face meme but i can't find the original ANYWHERE#at least not the entire image unedited. other than on like redbubble listings but i don't want to link those haha#if someone has a link to it please send it to me!! so i can link it in the post. thanks :)#also i have decided to start doing descriptions for each image (which i have been meaning to do for a while)#now that people actually follow this blog and interact with it and stuff#tbh i should've started doing them a long time ago#but the idea of retroactively going back to every post and adding a description kept putting me off... which is silly because it's only#gonna become more work the longer i leave it. so you know. just gotta start doing it#i will endeavour to add a description to all the previous snoopys of the day soon 🤞#anyway i made this because i sent a friend the original emoji image (taken from a redbubble screenshot LOL)#because we have been trying to book a place to stay for a group trip (6 people)#and like i did all the research and made a list to start us off (while letting people know they could add to the list) and sent that around#and made a poll for people to vote for their preferred place#and some people in the group have been taking FOREVER to respond with their opinions about accommodation#like to the point where all the other good places on the list have been booked up now and there is just one left#which luckily is the one with the most votes#and today i was like (about to book that one) ok well before i book i'm just checking that everyone is ok with these dates?#and some of them were like ohhh actually no. we haven't booked our flights yet so we're not sure which days exactly we'll be there#WHAT DO YOU MEAN!#in fairness i should've checked that we were all on the same page about dates beforehand#but like. the trip is literally in like 5 weeks AND during a public holiday like omfggggggg everywhere is gonna be booked out#do you know how hard it is to find accommodation for 6 people#and i don't even know the people who haven't been responding/haven't booked their flights/whatever#they're friends of a friend (who will also be coming on the trip) and i know nothing about them#i think i would be a lot less annoyed if it was just my friends because we would've just hopped on a call and sorted everything out in like#one night. otherwise we know + trust each other enough to make decisions for each other if we can't/don't want to be involved in planning
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Screw Spotify, here's the full OST and the extended versions of all the OP/EDs on Youtube
「Mayonaka Punch」 Original Soundtrack
(OP/EDs under the cut because good lord do embeds take space)
OP/Ep 12 ED | "Gimme Gimme"
youtube
main ED | "Edit Point"
youtube
Ep 4 ED | "To You" by Fu
youtube
Ep 8 ED | "Night Diver"
youtube
I didn't realize the EDs have extended version as well, not just the OP I stumbled across in the YT recommendations of the Crunchyroll upload earlier today.
#They're all on Apple Music & Amazon as well (gotta search 真夜中ぱんチ to actually find the OST tho) but you can't actually BUY THEM anywhere#I've got my ways of acquiring these things to keep stored locally tho...#just havn't been able to find a spot to acquire the OP/EDs still. Well using YT premium to download them locally is the best I got for now#Mayonaka Punch#MayoPan#ギミギミ#Gimmi Gimmi#編集点#Edit Point#君へ#To You#ナイトダイバー#Night Diver#music#Frin Speaks#I spent way too long checking for the proper translation of the main ED and ED 4 titles for this post even tho literally everything agreed#I really want to learn Japaneses proper eventually
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headcanon that scorpius was a sick child and was in and out of hospital constantly, perhaps related to astoria's blood curse but not directly. his immune system isnt very strong, and everytime he gets sick they're terrified that it's the blood curse but also whatever else it could be, because it's always so sudden and so intense and they call healers over to the house who recommend this delirious feverish 4 year old is hospitalised immediately, and you'd think it'd get easier to some extent because they'd be used to it, but everytime they feel like this is it, this is the time he'll walk in to the hospital and not walk out again
#this headcanon has no purpose im just thinking of scorpius in bed like a sickly victorian child with scarlet fever or something#asking if he'll make it to sunrise lmfao#so then he hates hospitals with a passion#my friend from school was in them constantly he was even a make a wish kid and he can not fucking stand the places so#headcanon scorpius becomes a healer anyway lmao#im sick and this is how im coping by putting baby scorp in hospital lmfao#it just made draco that little bit more protective#lucius made an insensitive comment about it once and draco was ready to throw hands#this headcanon doesnt really go anywhere ive just decided scorpius was a sick child#he has sick child energy lmfao#he still knows some of his doctors/healers because he was there so frequently#just imaging lil scorp in a hospital bed and draco and astoria are sleeping in the room on like uncomfortable chairs and the fever finally#breaks and hes like uh daddy im hungry and its like 4am but draco couldnt care less cause scorp hasnt been able to eat anything for days#let alone ask for food directly and baby scorp is wondering why his parents are acting so damn weird just cause he asked for some toast#but once hes grown up whenever he gets sick its on such a lower level than what it used to be when he was a kid because his immune system#got better that he struggles to gauge when other people would usually stop trying to do daily activities and albus has to start wrestling#scorpius back to bed instead of going to class cause scorpius really youre practically dying and hes like pfff you wanna see dying? use tha#timeturner one more time and go back to see me at literally any point between 2 and 10 i am FINE#(he absolutely was not fine)#scorpius malfoy#albus potter#draco malfoy#hpcc#scorbus#this is so many tags im so sorry
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*Gnawing on the bars of my cage because a totk roleswap au between Link and Zelda writes itself exhibit A*
Now that he needed her, could she be as fearless? No. She shook her head. Link wasn’t fearless. She knew better than anyone how much he feared letting others down. It was so severe that, way back before the Calamity, he would always eat the rock roast Daruk handed him. Though it had always given him horrid stomach aches and jaw pain, he couldn’t find it in his heart to decline Daruk’s offer, not wanting to hurt his feelings. Everyone else saw it as boldly stepping up to any challenge, but Zelda knew how much compassion and anxiety was twisted up behind Link’s motivation to swallow literal rocks. The point was, Link was not fearless. But his heart gave him the courage to overcome whatever challenge came his way.
#rose and rambles#prosie's writing adventures#totk roleswap au#DO YOU SEE#DO YOU SEE THAT FORESHADOWING IM SCREAMING#okay i literally just wrote this and its not anything majorly special but the point is DO YOU SEE MY VISION???!?!?!?!?!?!#DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!#LINK SACRIFICING EVERYTHING BECAUSE HE RISES TO ANY CHALLENGE#ZELDA GLUING OBJECTS TO WEAPONS TO MAKE THEM EASIER TO USE#USING HER WITS TO FACE ENEMIES#LINK FREAKING EATS ROCK ROAST CANONLY IN THE BOTW DLC OKAY#IN HYRULE WARRIORS URBOSA COMMENTS ON HOW HE RISES TO ANY CHALLENGE WHILE DARUK GIVES HIM MORE ROCKS#IM JUST SAYING#IM JUST FREAKING SAYING#anyway idk if i'll ever get anywhere with this because my writing is slow af lately but im itching to get to the dragon tear memories#i wanna write them so bad#im just so tired#and there's so much exposition#alas#please see my vision with me#take my hand#all of loz references to tears has accumulated to me writing this idea
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if you're still not boycotting israeli products, protesting against the genocide, sharing the news, asking for a ceasefire, I am judging you. I know my followers, I know my mutuals. I know the ones who selectively interact with my anime shitposts and ignore the ones about palestine. I am seeing you and I am judging you. I won't call you out on your bullshit personally, because if you can still ignore this humanitarian crisis while being active online and seeing all those posts, you're just not worth trying to reason with. But know that if you still choose to be silent, if you still think this issue is too political or complicated you're an ignorant, pathetic little bitch. you can't live without your starbucks? grow the fuck up. you think celebrities don't owe anyone their support and it is okay for them to stay quiet when it's the brown, the muslim who suffers? you're fucking delusional and you're pathetic. you think you get to turn a blind eye because it's not effecting you? you're a self-centered whiney little toddler. stay in your bubble and keep quiet all you want, i know you will lie to your kids one day and tell them you stood with palestine.
none of us are free until all of us are. free palestine 🇵🇸
#the biggest dumbfuck arguement i've seen esp from turkish media was 'well there are other genocides going on too 🤓'#and i think that's like the lowest you can sink#trying to use other ppl's suffering to promote the idea that any act done against genocide is in vain bc ppl always suffer and always will#like how fucking out of touch with reality do you have to be to think that's a valid point#yes many people are suffering#when we say free palestine we mean free the opressed. anywhere in the world#my heart cries for uyghurs. for sudan. for congo. for yemen. every single nation that's being massacred#the reason we put so much emphasis on palestine right now is that if we dont their freedom will be lost very very soon#this is not to say i'm prioritizing one nation's liberation above another#just the reality that if we dont speak up right now it might be too late#they are literally waiting for us to stop talking about it#to forget and get used to it#that's why its so important#all of them are. but if you're using the others to justify your apathy you're a disgusting person#freepalestine#free palestine#free gaza#boycott starbucks#boycott israel#boycott mcdonalds#boycott disney#boycott zara
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memory: when i was a toddler OMW back home with my mother on one of those intercity travel buses when we suddenly heard women screaming only for me to look down & see dozens upon dozens of cockroaches running up my legs & under my dress
#legitimately traumatized me for life#pretty sure i felt no way about bugs up until that point in fact beetles were my favorite to grab &play with in my kindergarten's... garten#sorry#there were hundreds of them running around everywhere on the floor. i have no recollection of what happened next or later that evening#apparently it was because of the hot weather & something about the bus that made it so that all those roaches escaped & dispersed everywher#still feel sickened when i hear that bus company to this day#Events That Formed My Sundowning Neurosis. soon as the lights dim i turn into a purely atavistic prey aminal#it happened again when i was with my cousin in the summer when my mother sent us out to get something from teh bodega#& my cousin was like trying to reassure me that no roaches were crawling up my legs but there actually were#it was just too dark to make out until we reached a lamp post O_O that was years & years ago BTW#IDC that they are harmless i wrote this post because there was one in my bathroom just now & all i could do was scream for help#apparently barely cos i was told it was a “pathetic scream” i was Paralyzed !!!! they were like what would you do if you lived by yourself#literally Die & let that thang take over my house IDKcaus i am not going anywhere near it#AUUURRRGHHHH go away pleeeaase. let Us be civil OK leave me alone please leave me alooone ( that one video )#i have no fear of bees or wasps or whatever other ones libellules i forgot what the name was in english. oh dragonfly. Dope name. ETC ETC#sortof creepygirl tumblr 2009-2012 if you thinkabout it... ♯Swag
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every day when i wake up i say to myself “dykeyuu you are not purchasing any sanrio merchandise today” but then i find the deal of the century……..
#like. i only buy it if i know for sure ill NEVER find it at that price again#2007 corduroy keroppi that literally doesn’t exist on the internet? $16#i came across it by chance and it took me hours to find evidence that anyone else had ever owned one#found a chococat one too from the same series but it’s pricier…#but it’s the only one listed anywhere that i can find so. perhaps#sike i found one in the philippines there’s TWO corduroy chococats on the internet#i mean there’s literally one reddit thread i could find from years ago confirming that this series existed#and it’s only got like two commenters who only vaguely remembered the series#and a handful of worthpoint entries confirming that a couple of each of them had sold on ebay at some point#all the other sanrio corduroy plushies i could find were from other series#there’s a hello kitty and my melody from the same year but it wasn’t the same series#both series were rereleases in 2007 and the original release year for hk/mm was earlier than cc/k#20in 2012 fiesta keroppi? $40 when he usually goes for $100+#(this includes shipping…)#was devastated to find an etsy listing for the 2010 limited keroppi build a bear for $85 that had already sold…#the next cheapest one of those is like $140#and dont get me fucking started on chococat#no build a bear should EVER go for $500#like be serious. maybe it was limited edition 14 years ago but it’s still a damn stuffed animal#manifesting they rerelease the original sanrio build a bears to beat the price gougers into submission#the intersection of two special interests: sanrio and buying things from people who don’t know what they have#throwback to the 1993 keroppi squeaky toy that i thrifted for 25 cents#just looked it up to see and i found the exact same one but only on worthpoint#he used to be a keychain… mine is just the little guy with no chain#comparable one from the same year same size/material etc just different design goes for $20+#context i refuse to make a worthpoint account and pay them just to see what things sold for on ebay they can kiss my ass#me when i need to infodump but gf is at work and has already heard like half of this
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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else
#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more#I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s#the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything#that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da#lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how#get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to#and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not#be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much#of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in#bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it#into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it#but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted#any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself#not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha#usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day#because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere#I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s#just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway#this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this#bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school#vent tw#yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely#disability#chronically ill#i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho#i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to#anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse#I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours#I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework
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Theory with no coherent proof on my part: brenner only visibly ages rapidly when a portal is open.
#brenner 'dies' very early on after rhe portal opens in s1 so we dont see the effects#but in s4 he looks considerably older.#then in s5 he apparently has a whole bald cap - portal that opened at the end of s4 has been open for approx 1.5 years#theres the tie in to the ptsd/trauma metaphor with the UD representing repressed memories#or repressed memories aka 'lost time' in someone memory#the whole thing where ppl with traumatic childhoods cant remember their childhoods very well and it comes back sooner or later#i wonder if there is a supernatural tie into that in st? like when a portal opens to the UD all that 'lost time' suddenly is allowed back#into the light aka out of the subconscious and into the conscious re flashbacks and memory retrieval#i dont believe NINA at all beyond the flashbacks el has before brenner got involved#bc it seems to me that brenner possibly took advtg of els vulnerable state to possibly manipulate her memory retrieval#which irl has been a long time point of controversy which is psychologists convinving patients that they have memories of trauma#they dont actually have. which idk how valid that is but brenner is a psychologist so if anyone he could find a way#also when the 'lost time' comes back to the surface brenner ages bc of those time loops begin to unravel. the real years brenner has lived#take its toll rather than him de aging as time loops back again to the beginning#very dr who of him. or at least every time he dies its another time loop thats created except from our perspective as the audience we#wouldnt know. because we are only watching from a set linear timeline (1983-1986) and we dont see the time line resetting itself#since all the timelines are similar enough with only small differences ('easter eggs')#tying this into the wheelers- their name literally means 'creator/operator of wheels' aka time loops. so are they The Source?#with the subtext surrounding 'truths' and 'lies' in ST i dont necessarily believe all timeloops are created equal#one must be the 'true' timeline while the others must be 'lies'. aka lonnie saying how people sometimes make things up 'to cope'#that and the heavy subtext behind hawkins being a cursed town. not necessarily anywhere else in the US#and how you can only open portals in hawkins per alexei#makes me thinks these arent legitimate timeloops. like time isnt physically looping back and rerunning events bc otherwise it wouldnt only#affect one small town in indiana. also we dont see the UD/the MF be able to affect time itself but rather ppls perception of time aka#mind control and memories. meaning that could it be time isnt actually looping but rather everyone in hawkins has their memories wiped and#recreated every time there is an inciting incident (which is unknown)#^this doesnt really explain how brenner is able to revive every time he dies unless brenner is actually an admin of this system and lives#'outside' the time loop. so. brenner is a video game character actually whos actual player is blissfully safe from harm outside of the the#computer screen#isnt this just the plot of the matrix. with 'the source' (the central computing core aka the wheelers?) and keymakers etc etc
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Life would have been so beautiful if people in this generation had decided to actually care about each other instead of arguing on apps all day. For example, I would be alive by 40. Lol
#The way my mother looks at me sad and tired as the years go on because she knows I'm not going to make it#nobody cares about each other in this generation and I know that more than anyone#there's nothing that I can do or change or post or be or meet to be able to change the fact that I will be utterly alone once my mother is#dead#I've tried this app I've tried Twitter I've tried other apps I've tried real life#I've tried my whole life and I've only become more off putting and more undeserving of people's even tolerance as I've got an older and I#can't give a damn about it because I don't care about anyone and nobody ever cared about me my whole life except for my very mother#can't drive no resources and can't even have anyone to talk to about it because everybody's so vapidly superficial these days anywhere you#go#The irony of me posting this on Tumblr which is one of the main Pinnacle points of mine bitterness at this point#I tried to commit years ago to save my mother from the even longer death for the both of us#of her gradually aging and seeing her daughter withering away with her quite literally attached to her hip#but she made her choice of keeping me alive and forcing me to even pay for the hospital bill#so I guess she wanted the much longer and more detrimental painful fate#but not because she's thoughtful#it's because she's a f****** idiot
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I'm pretty sure my experiences haven't changed from when I last asserted my identity labels but my view kinda has I guess
#in the sense of. who cares about an orientation label if nothing ever really comes from it yknow.#it's fruitful yearning towards individuals my brain latches onto. that's the extent of it#there's no reciprocated dynamic that allows it to ever get to grow into sexuality#so like yeah I'm demi but 99.9% of the time sexuality just doesn't play into anything at all#and when it does it's brief blips that also don't go anywhere#and I have a pretty good idea of the pool of people I'm theoretically attracted to#but that also just. doesn't matter much once my brain latches onto someone and runs its tiring one sided course#and my gender is still accurate technically but I also have Nothing to say or think about it. it's all whatever#basically all the labels are still accurate it just means very little to me anymore.#it's weird cause it used to be an identity point right. of like hi! I'm [gender] [sexuality] and it's rooted in how you see yourself#and now if I think about how I would introduce myself. well. I wouldn't know but those elements aren't really on the radar to be honest#it comes into play so rarely that like. literally who cares#it's just wild cause people my age who I used to share online spaces with are still strongly debating over what it means to be x or y#and it just. doesn't matter to me anymore. I'm Anders and I like people out of my league generally speaking. hi etc#anyway musing rambling. it's okay if you feel different also#I guess those posts about how definitions matter less when you're older and more in irl spaces were right#bien rambles
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Our allergy to spice is passed down from our father. The reason that we didn't follow in his footsteps is because of our affinity for things that have flavor and texture and color, developed as part of an ancient defence mechanism to stop us from also becoming british
#we speak#this is a joke. our father still has english citizenship despite not living there anymore and we are making fun of him#we literally cannot visit relatives that live there for extended periods of time because we can't stand bland food#which is also coincidentally related to why we don't travel much. besides living in Fuckass Nowhere Wet Version#where we need a boat to go literally anywhere beyond Our Town And Its Immediate Surroundings#if you are our follower and you live in england: sorry#if you are someone who knows us: also sorry but this probably lends some sort of context to why we're weird about people asking#if we're british. we're not and also we can't go there because we'll lose like five pounds in a week#good food is a major part of how we motivate ourself to remember to Eat and we cannot survive extended periods of time there#we read dunmeshi while trapped in germany babysitting and it invoked within us an unspeakable mourning#because we had spent more than a week at that point tragically isolated from any decent food and suffering forever due to it
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finally had to bite the bullet and buy a new laptop since my old one is Literally just hanging on by a single hinge and a hope and it's SUCH a paaain setting up and transferring all my shit to the new one 😔
#especially since i only have like a dinky little usb drive with like No Space to do the transferring#anyways yeah my old laptop is Completely busted#for one like 80% of the keyboard keys doesn't work and i've had to use a usb keyboard for like 6 years#which is a pain every time i actually need to bring my laptop anywhere#which was a lot seeing as i was in uni lol#the speakers crackles so i Have to use headphones if i wanna watch something and not feel like dying over the audio quality#a corner of the screen is cracked#the fans sounds like a jet engine#oh and as mentioned the screen is literally only hanging on by a Single Hinge :'^)#the worst part is that it was Really Expensive cause i was like im gonna splurge on something more costly#so that i can use it for for years and years and then it started being fucked up just like only a couple of Months after i got it 😭😭😭#like i bought it february of like? 2018??19??? so i've still gotten some use out of it but it has honestly Sucked the Whole Time#ANYWAYS anyways it was now at a point where i was actively fearing for it crashing and burning just by looking at it wrong#so since it's my birthday (tomorrow!) i decided to buy myself a new one as a birthday present ^^#hashtag i am now financially ruined tihi#does fish make noise??
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