#literal scariest hour of my life

[spuddlespud]

Love werewolf movies bc they always have growly wolves and let me tell you I had a terrifying 5am in the dark face-to-face encounter with an actual wild wolf and the scariest thing was that it was completely silent, it wasn't trying to scare me off but it also hadn't run away from me (which I would have expected when it heard me coming) , it was just staring at me like a big mass of horror

[cextra-loz]

Today I was able to stand for a new limit of 50 minutes when my physical symptoms are at their most minimal in a controlled environment. So we know 50 is the max now we're trying to reach 1 hour. I feel like I could've reached an hour with how I was feeling but the muscle endurance in my legs wouldn't have let me. I'm reaching a weird stage in my progress where its been so long since my body has had to support my weight for that long the blood pooling in my soles irritates and hurts like hell the days afterwards so now i'm rubbing the my feet like i've worked a hard day to prevent the inflammation from impeding my progress. I feel tho if I can reach that 1 hour limit I can reach longer times with practice. Its been years since i've stood for so long i'm really excited to keep practicing and hopefully keep improving. Last year around this time I was barely reaching 35 maybe 40 if I really really pushed- during my least symptomatic hours. Those extra 10 minutes might not mean much but since the beginning of my illness I never imagined i'd be able to make it to 30 let alone 50. I felt pretty good this session too which is the most important part, I feel like its the lack of muscular stamina that held me back rather than cardiac endurance. Anyway update is over, if I reach that 1 hour time it'll be a happy day I cannot tell how long it'll take me to reach that time but with some more practice I think a few weeks or months at least i'd imagine maybe even sooner. I'm so happy lets go! Dreams do come true at least 4 me ehehe!

[djiarin]

i’m a girl who is going to be okay!!!!!!!

[runningfrom2am]

cold nights // part four

summary: all the stars aligned, and it was you.

pairing: coriolanus snow x fem!reader

wc: 2.9k

masterlists / nav / requests

tags/warnings: tribute!reader and mentor!coriolanus, r is very sweet (too kind for this world. literally.), sunshine x grumpy trope kinda, he falls first, violence typical for the source material, r is very smart (as she should), district twelve!reader.

a/n: this is your reminder to reblog and comment on fics you like!! it helps us writers out a TON the girlies who get it get it. thanks!!

series masterlist // playlist

"I just have to ask you a few questions... is that okay?" Coriolanus asks, sitting across from you at the small table you find yourself chained to.

"Please." You nod, grinning at him. You were so tired, the bags under your eyes were evidence enough of that. Screw getting you food- Coryo is worried if you don't sleep you'll be all but useless in the games, even if all he needs you to do is run and hide.

"It's just so people can get to know you a bit better. Okay, so..." He looks down at the sheet in front of him, tapping the pencil against the table as he tries to focus on reading. "First, nice and easy, what is your full name?"

"Y/N M/N L/N."

"Great... Okay, and where are you from?"

"District Twelve, born and raised."

"How old are you?"

"Seventeen. I'll be eighteen next week." You smile.

"Oh, really?" He asks, pausing mid-sentence as he starts writing it down.

"Yeah." You smile. "Hopefully I'll live to see the day."

"You will." He tries to be reassuring as he scribbles the finished answer on his sheet. God, you got unlucky. Not that his eighteenth was a big celebration like some of his classmates, but Tigris made him a cake with ingredients she'd been saving up for and she refit his school uniform for him. You wouldn't even have that- you would be spending the day fighting for your life, if you even made it that long.

"And who is in your family unit?" He reads directly from the slip as he forces himself to move on.

"Well, there's me, my brother, he's fifteen, and then my ma and pa." You nod. "Well, my pa isn't home much. Lots of work in the mines; usually has sixteen-hour days. I hardly ever see him." You admit, sadness laced into your tone. "Saw him, I mean."

"My father died in Twelve." Coryo says, catching you off guard. He doesn't even fully understand why he felt the need to tell you this. "About ten years ago, it was rebels."

"I remember that." You reply quietly, recalling the lockdown placed on the District after the murder of a peacekeeper general. "He was the general. Crassus Snow, I assume?"

"Yes."

Everyone was forced into their homes at gunpoint, and in search of the responsible parties everyone you knew had their home destroyed by peacekeepers. Yourself included. Your bed was torn apart, and your mattress shredded for any hidden weapons or plans. Since then, you have shared a bed with your brother. A new mattress was hard to make, and your ma never got the free time or materials again.

Up until this week, that was the scariest day of your life. Just before the peacekeepers kicked in your door, your mother had grabbed the two of you and shoved you into an opening under the floorboards- a crawlspace made from a faulty foundation. You were in there for what felt like hours, listening to shouting and your home being ruined as you held onto each other with a hand pressed over your brother's mouth to keep him from crying too loud. Your mother's cries that day never seemed to end.

"It's a small world." You say after a solid few moments of silence, and Coryo can see it in the way you're staring at his paper that you're not reading it. You're zoned out completely. "I'm sorry that happened to you. It must have been scary."

"The war was hard on all of us." He responds. "What... what do you remember?" He had never heard anything about it besides the bare bones of what happened, he had never considered that the people of Twelve would remember it as well. And judging by the look on your face, it wasn't a good memory.

"I was about six, maybe seven, and I was playing with my brother, and I didn't hear anything but my ma must have because she grabbed us and hid us under the floorboards so fast I could have got whiplash. Peacekeepers came into our home, tore the whole thing to shreds, hurt my ma, then took off. Onto the next house. I didn't find out until a while later that rebels killed the peacekeeper general, they were looking for any evidence of conspiracy, I guess. The people who did it."

"Sounds like it was scarier for you than for me."

"But I want you to know," You speak so quickly you almost cut him off. "My parents had nothing to do with it. My pa is an honest, good man. All he ever wanted was to keep us safe. We're not rebels, I promise you that."

Coriolanus almost wishes you were, so he wouldn't be so hurt by what his people were putting you through. "I know. I wouldn't blame you for that."

"Thank you." You whisper, picking at your nails now as you look down at your shaky hands.

Coryo clears his throat, forcing himself to look away from you. "Uh..." He chuckles at the next question, making you look up at him again. "Are you married?"

"No." You reply, having almost completely forgotten about the worksheet in front of him. "I'm not."

"It's just... I just, I have to ask." He says, clearing his throat as he writes it down.

"Of course." You nod in understanding.

"Boyfriend?" He asks, and as you squint at the sheet you can see it's not there, and he quickly covers the next lines with his palm, cheeks flushing pink.

"Yes." You giggle as he snaps his head up to look at you.

"You do?" He asks, voice catching as his curls fall back onto his forehead from the sudden movement.

"Yes, what is so wrong in that?" You raise an eyebrow at him, trying not to laugh.

"No, no, I mean, of course you do, you're beautiful, I just, you never mentioned-"

"Relax, Coriolanus. I'm kidding." You smile at the panic in his tone. "No, I don't have a boyfriend."

"Oh, right. Thanks, it's just for, yeah..." He mumbles, pretending to write something down behind his cupped hand so you couldn't see.

You shake your head at him while he's not paying attention, smiling to yourself.

"So, uh, do you have a job?"

"Not formally, but my ma is a seamstress. I help her lots with that. Fixing people's work clothes, stuff like that." You answer, getting back on topic.

"Did you make your dress?" He asks.

"Now I know that question's not on that form of yours." You laugh. "But yes, my ma made it for me when I was five. It's been my favourite ever since."

He looked the parts of it over that he could see above the table. It was well worn down, but well cared for. Similar to a lot of his own clothing.

"It used to be this big, flowing thing. Too big for a five year old- I would step on the bottom of it, just tore it right up." You recall. "So we trimmed the bottom, and as I grew, it grew right with me. I stitched up the bottom when I was old enough to enter the reaping, so now it's got shorts instead. But I still love it, lots of good memories held in the pockets of this old thing."

Shorts instead. So it's easier to run in. The thought haunts Coryo for a moment. The idea that you, at twelve years old, decided this is what you would want to run in, to die in, and took the liberty of sewing up the crotch in it yourself. Every stitch possibly sealing your fate.

"It's nice. I like it." He responds.

"Thank you." You smile, nodding proudly to yourself as you look down at the fabric. "It's real comfy, too."

"It looks it. Not very... restricting." He chooses his words wisely. No wonder you had kept it so many years. It still fit, so why not? Especially when it looked so good on you. The typically plain, neutral tone of the fabric complimented your skin tone so well. Even in bad lighting, it seemed as though you were glowing where the cloth met your skin. Glowing everywhere, now that he thought about it. Maybe you just lit up every room you walked into. Maybe it wasn't the clothing that was made just for you and hugged your form so flawlessly, maybe it was just you.

"Yes, it is not." You agree. "Now, our time is limited. Next question." You interrupt his thoughts, gesturing to the sheet of paper in between you.

"Yes, sorry." Coryo chuckles, shaking the distraction from his head. "Any hobbies?

"Reading."

"I did know that." He smiles to himself. "Anything else?"

"Well..." You think about it for a moment, chewing your lip. "I have a cat, and I like to play with him and take care of him, does that count?"

"I'll count it." He nods, quickly jotting it down. "What's your cat's name?" He asks, purely out of curiosity.

"Tybalt." You giggle.

"Tybalt?" Coryo tilts his head at you and you nod, bottom lip drawn between your teeth.

He nods slightly, prompting you to explain. "He's named after a character from Romeo and Juliet."

"That's your favourite, I remember."

"Good king of cats, nothing but one of your nine lives." You quote. "Mercutio calls Tybalt the king of the cats, so I named him after that."

"That's clever. Very funny."

"Thank you. I thought so." You smile proudly, watching him write down your cats name in his notes. "What is this for, if I can ask?"

"Uh, there's going to be an interview you'll have to do the night before the games. It'll be aired live on Capitol television, and people will be able to send in donations so I can send you things in the arena. Just like I told you." Coryo explains.

"An interview?" You ask. "What does that entail?"

"Well, I'm not sure yet." He answers honestly. "But we'll pass this sheet onto the host, Lucky, if you remember him, and he can ask you questions about your family, your life, any of this stuff. I think really whatever we want, though, so if there's anything in particular you want to say or talk about I can write that down for you."

"Oh, I'm really not sure." You reply. "Nothing in particular, but if you need me to talk I can talk about books for hours on end." You smile.

"Could you do a monologue?" He suggests. He had discussed this with Tigris before, and he was hoping you would, but knowing you, you would be dropping quotes in your interview anyway so you might as well commit to it and display how smart you are with something well-planned.

"Maybe, if you could find me a copy of Romeo and Juliet." You smile. "I think I know it, but it would be nice to have a refresher. Just to make sure I get it right. Would be awfully embarrassing if I made a mistake."

Coryo nods, quickly writing that down in the margins of the page. Considering he had never even heard of this book, it may be hard, but he would certainly try for you. "That would be great. Your goodbye was very moving, although quite confusing for most, but it had people talking about you and that's what we want."

"Okay. I'll practice."

"Thank you." Coryo smiles. "And I just have one more question on here to fill out... Do you have any special skills that you think will be helpful in the games?"

Your smile fades slightly and you just shake your head.

"That's okay. We'll figure it out."

That night, Coryo came to see you again. You were curled up with his blanket, draped half over yourself and half over Jessup as he lay next to you. It was a small blanket, obviously meant for a child, but it helped anyway. Maybe it was just a placebo, but for you, that was more than enough.

As you got up, hearing him call your name in a familiar tone, you draped the blanket more fully over Jessup before making your way over to the bars of the enclosure. "Good evening, Coryo. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I brought you some things." He whispers, digging in his bag.

"How kind." You smile, watching as he pulls things out, handing you a napkin with some bread wrapped inside and tucking whatever else he brought under his arm to give to you after you've eaten. "Can you sit for a few minutes?"

"Of course." He nods, sitting down with you as you cross your legs and unfold the fabric carefully as not to drop what's inside. "I was hoping to talk to you anyway."

"Let's talk; it is not day." You smile, leaning toward him more.

"Should I be asking what that's from?" He jokes, but is surprised when you shrug.

"You could, but I wouldn't want to bore you." You giggle, shaking your head. "Take a guess, though. I believe you'd know it."

He smiles, watching as you take a bite out of the bread. "Romeo and Juliet?"

"Yes." You nod in confirmation, covering your mouth while you speak. "You're a real fan, now, aren't you?"

"I guess so." He chuckles. "The fact that I've never read it is unimportant."

"Completely irrelevant." You agree with a quiet laugh. His smile fades as his eyes land on something behind you, and you turn to follow his gaze over your shoulder. "What are you looking at?" You whisper, looking back at him again.

"Are you sharing everything I bring you with Jessup?" He asks, voice stern as his brow furrows at the question.

"I try to." You nod, taking another bite. "He's not well. I think something bit him the first night we were here."

"You can't." Coryo insists. Of course, he wants you to win, and you handing over every bit of sustenance or help you receive is only lessening your odds. Making Jessup stronger and you only weaker. "I know you're a good person, but once you get in that arena you won't have any friends. Not even him." Coryo explains, strategically skipping over the part where it makes him ill to see you sleeping with your head on the boy's shoulder and sharing the blanket that he gifted to you.

"Oh..." You say, so quietly he can hardly hear. "But-"

"Y/N." He cuts you off, a serious look on his face. "If you keep feeding him, keep helping him, and it comes down to you and him in the end, who do you think will win in that fight? If you had all the same nutrients and sleep, who do you think will win?"

"I- well..." You stutter, looking back at your friend. "It won't come to that. I think we both know that."

"We have to assume it will." He pleads, eyes now locked on yours. "Don't make it easier for him."

"Coryo, he's got a family, siblings, his ma to get home to. They need him." You protest, leaning closer so no one else could properly hear.

"So do you." He reminds you. The look of guilt that crosses your face indicates to him that even though you had your own family, something about Jessup makes you willing to give that up for him to get home. "What about Tybalt? He'll never know what happened to his own mother. Or your brother losing his sister. Y/N, please..."

Your eyes widen at the mention of your cat and your brother in particular. Clearly, Coryo is so desperate for you to listen that he's pulling strings he shouldn't. To make you hurt. To make you pay attention.

Tears fill your eyes as you speak. "I know." Your voice cracks, and the pit in Coryo's stomach tells him he's gone too far. "I'm sorry, I just- I don't want to be afraid anymore. It's selfish of me, I know, but I won't last long and I know that so I just want to get it over with." You cry quietly, reaching up to wipe your eyes on your wrist. You hadn't been so candid with him before, he almost doesn't recognize you without a smile on your face.

"Hey, no, don't be sorry. It's not selfish." He whispers, without hesitation reaching through the bars and resting his hand on your knee. Your skin is cold to the touch, even for him after he had just walked all the way here in the same air. "But it'll be over soon, and I'll get you home. I'll do everything I can."

You sniff and nod, hesitating before placing your hand over his. "I promise I'll do my best in the interview. I want you to win your prize."

Coryo's mouth gets dry at the insinuation. You didn't think you could win, you won't even consider it even with all the encouragement he tries to feed you every day, but you want him to win. "That's not important." He says, shocking himself with the sentiment. The Plinth Prize is his only hope at a viable future, at saving his family. But right now, he doesn't even care.

You don't respond right away, just sliding your hand under his to hold it. His skin on yours feels warm, comforting, the same way it did when he held it when you were first dumped in the zoo. You don't know if it's more comforting to you or him.

"I'm sorry to cry at you, I just sometimes realize what's going to happen to me and spiral over the possibilities and no matter how hard I try to accept it..." You shake your head, looking down at your hands. "I'm still fearful." Your voice drops below a whisper.

"Then don't accept it." Coryo grasps your hand tighter, leaning closer to you and looking at you through the bars. "Fight. Try to win."

taglist: @soulessjourney, @keziahcore, @that-veela-girl, @motorsport, @dreamyysouls, @rockstarbfs, @Lanadelrey3, @rawrmameh, @3zae-zae3, @babyspice6, @pastel0rchid, @maysileeewrites, @articxari, @Urfavpouge, @Multivitaminfy, @baybieruth, @kitscutie, @annaelise, @serrendiipty, @fratboyharrysgf0201, @totallynotkaibiased, @stelleduarte, @klplynn, @secretsicanthideanymore, @bejeweledreverie, @fals3-g0d, @drewsandsebastianswife, @niicole-87, @queenofshinigamis, @innercreationflower, @nallasstuff, @spring-goddess1, @baybieruth, @lovelyxtom, @throughgoeshxmilton, @enwonie, @scorpiolystoned, @iovemoonyy, @kodzuvk, @soupasoup, @eedwardss, @thatmarvelchick19, @wearemadeofstardust0, @regulusblackcore, @kbakery , @qardasngan, @omgsuperstarg, @kuroosbby001, @puredreamagination,

if your user has a strikethrough i wasn't able to tag you! i'm so sorry!

[cvnt4him]

Ik that most of your stuff is nsfw (not complaining) but I was wondering if you could do something about an amusement park date w Izuku where the reader is kind of horrified of rides but gets on them anyway lol 💗 Love your writing SO much 🫶

I promise promise promise I write other things than just smut!! You can always go to my MHA masterlist to see ofc! Thank you so much for the love and appreciation, feel free to leave another req anytime you're always welcome<333

Writing this bc literally like 2 days ago I went to six flags n almost died.

Going on a surprise date with your boyfriend izuku midoriya was not supposed to be like this. You loved whenever he planned these, of course, but it just so happened to be the one thing in the world you were afraid of. Amusement parks.

It's not the park you were scared of, it was the rides, the rollercoasters. How high into the sky they'd get and those oh so terrifying drops. Don't even get me started on the loops they do and when they go backwards n twist n turn n shit, n how fast they go?! For fucks sake.

You were petrified. Literally shaking in your boots just staring at the entrance sign of the park, your eyes slowly moved to your boyfriends excited face the way he was blazing with excitement and happiness. You could tell he wanted this with you, to experience a traditional moment in girlfriend and boyfriend history.

Izuku was adorable by all means, and you loved him with ALL of your heart, but this was just something you weren't sure you could do. I mean, scary rides that go super duper fast and could go off the rails at any given moment whilst you're in the sky? It's a death wish waiting to happen.

“ surprise!! Are you excited? I'm so excited! I got us VIP passes so we get to skip the lines and go first! I can't wait to do this with you!!! First we'll go on the superman, then we'll go to the..-”

As he trailed off into exact details of what exactly you'd be doing suddenly you felt something swarm your tummy. It wasn't something as angelic as butterflies either...

“ grreeeeat...”

You cut izuku off mid sentence which made his eyes shoot directly to you, the way his smile dropped was fucking hilarious, but also heartbreaking at the same time. His eyes grew wide and started searching your face for any sign of discomfort or anything, he found exactly what he was looking for. He seen the way you were nervous and fiddling with the hem of your shirt, he cupped your face and pulled you closely placing a gentle kiss on the bridge of your nose.

“ hon, is everything alright?”

The worry in his eyes hurt your heart. You couldn't let his money that he spent on VIP PASSES.... Go to waste. You exhaled through your nose and sucked it up.

“ I'm fine, my love. Just hungry I guess, is there anything to eat?”

His loving smile reappeared, he patted your head gently before speaking to you in such a soft manner assuring you that not only would everything be okay, but you probably shouldn't eat first if you're going to go on fast rides.

Fuck.

The next two hours were spent on terrifying rides you tried your hardest to get through, you almost threw up a couple of times but that's not something he definitely needs to know. Your legs were wobbly and your stomach was swirling, you tried to catch your breath but your racing heart was not helping. Your hair was a mess, your cheeks were red due to the heat and worst of all you felt like the earth was spinning.

All the whole izuku was yipping and yapping ab how you should 'do it again' n how 'you should try the Texas Giant' which is known for being one of the scariest rides there. You literally started shaking at the mere mention of the ride, whimpering lowly as he grabbed your hand and dragged you to it.

Of course being the obedient partner you are, you suffered through it and had your eyes closed the entire time, you screamed loudly and held onto your boyfriend and the ride buckles for dear life terrified you were going to fall out.

After getting off you held onto the railings for dear life literally thanking everything above for not letting you die. Izuku however was more worried about your pictures that had gotten taken whilst you were on the ride.

“ wh- what..”

“ look! Look at how cute you look snuggled up close to me like that!”

You two must've been looking at two completely different pictures because the one you seen was you holding onto his shirt for dear life, screaming and pleading to not die whilst your hair was all over the place, it even looked like tears were prickling at your eyes. It was embarrassing and the fact everyone could see it made you feel even more hot.

It was burning up outside and you felt dizzy, those fast rides were NOT helping at all. You gulped down, dehydrated and terrified, wobbly legs hardly getting you to where you needed to go. You weakly call out to izuku who with a smile on his face turns back to look at you, he seen your estate and rushed to your side pulling you into the nearest shack with fans and drinks ordering you one instantly.

He watched dover you with a frown, worried he might be pushed you too far. He knew you had a fear of heights but he figured this could be fun, you two could overcome it together like those cheesy romcoms.

It broke izukus heart that this unfortunately wasn't like those stupid movies, as sad and disappointed as he was that you both had to leave due to you being terribly overheated and dizzy, he was glad you were okay.

The train ride home you look so sad, your rosey cheeks all puffed out while you looked at your shoes with a small frown. Izuku took notice and frowned alongside you, he placed one of his hands on top of tours and squeezed it lightly getting you to acknowledge him. once you look up to him a welcoming smile spreads across his freckled face, small dimples being present.

“ are you alright, hon?”

“ tsk, I'm fine. J's feelin’ bad I ruined your day.. you spent all that money on those VIP passes and I chickened out...”

That broke izukus heart knowing this was eating away at you. Izuku didn't care about money, or how much he'd spent, or how it'd "go to waste". He cared about spending time with his partner because he loves you. he squeezed your hand once more before completely embracing you in a hug. No matter how embarrassing you might've looked or how red you were due to the heat, he'd love you regardless and he was glad that despite your crippling fear of heights you went along with him.

“ y/n, don't worry about any of that. I don't care about that, so neither should you. I just wanted to spend time with you.. I'm glad you came along with me and rode the rides that you did! But I deeply apologize that you felt like you couldn't tell me no, that you didn't want to do it. I love you always, and nothing will change that.”

He was just too adorable and loving for you. Sometimes you felt as if you didn't deserve him, which is natural. He's such a great and caring and selfless guy it's normal to feel that way when you finally have something good. He was just so cute he was making you want to bite him n squeeze his stupid baby-like cheeks.

“ -and besides,.. we get to use those passes all year round. So don't worry about it, if you're ever feeling brave again we can just come back!”

Huh. Well there you go. A bright side to the dark side, he really did think this entire thing through didn't he. The perfect man that izuku was, and he was all yours. You loved him so much and you couldn't wait to show him just how much.

“ next time we go on a "surprise date" I'll let you know before hand it's not an amusement park, haha!!”

“ okay, y’dork.”

You sighed and snuggled into his chest, he chuckled at your words and held you close. Obviously due to the heat it didn't take long for you to let go of him but you held his hand regardless, no amount of sweaty palms could make you let go of him.

AN: I know people don't normally like when I write anything other than smut but since I've been away from writing anything other than little imagines n shit I enjoyed this. I hope you all do too<3

[tsuy4n]

Finally onto the last one! After this I'm gonna go back to lurking (I don't trust my own words).

Cutie patootie x Unstable/Unhinged, (add more and name the dynamic urself!)

[Leo] [Donnie] [Raph] >Mikey<

*sneaking in the snack bar*

[Y/n]: Okay, let's go.

Mikey: Wait! *points finger* It says no trespassing.

[Y/n]: Bro there's only dos of us, not tres.

Mikey: ...Bro

—

Mikey: Did you know that when breaking a bone, it typically will heal back stronger than before?

[Y/n]: So what you're saying is I should break every bone in my body until I become invincible?

Mikey: Please don't.

—

Raph: You lied?

Mikey: We may have.

Raph: You may have or you did?

[Y/n]: We may have did.

—

Mikey: Tell me the scariest horror story you know.

[Y/n]: Life without you bro.

Mikey: Bro.

[Y/n]: Bro.

—

[Y/n]: *after tracking down, beating up a couple of villains and setting their hideouts on fire*

[Y/n]: As long as I strike fear and terror into the hearts of my enemies what does it matter what my 'gender' is.

[Y/n]: I don't identify as a 'male' or 'female' I identify as a fucking threat.

Leo: *nods* Don't mess with Miguel, noted.

Raph and Donnie: *nervously agrees*

—

[Y/n]: It costs $400 to go see a therapist, it cost $0 to tell myself it be like that sometimes.

Mikey: *softly* no.

—

[Y/n]: Here's a fun idea. We hang a mistletoe but instead of kissing the person underneath, we have to fight them.

Donnie: That's kinda dumb.

Raph: Exactly, so we are not doing that–

Donnie: Though at the same time interesting and kinda fun! Winner gets to obviously ask the loser whatever they want!

Leo and Mikey: *nodding* Mistlefoe.

Raph: Stop encouraging them!

Raph: I'm in.

—

[Y/n]: When I get murdered, can you make sure I become an unsolved case?

Mikey: What?

[Y/n]: I want to be on Buzzfeed unsolved.

Mikey: Can we go back to the part when you said "When I get murdered"?

—

[Y/n]: *trying to flirt* I really like your name.

Mikey: *smiles brightly* Thanks! Splint's the one who gave it to me.

Leo: *whispering into [Y/n]'s ear* Are you sure you want that one?

—

Mikey: I think I'm in love with [Y/n].

Raph: You think you are?

Donnie: You just ranted about how perfect their smile is for over half an hour.

Leo: *pats Mikey's head* We know you do, lil' bro.

—

Mikey: How do you feel about art?

[Y/n]: I mean, you're pretty cool.

—

[Y/n]: Without you, 60 minutes feels like an hour.

Mikey: Aww, how cute!

Donnie: *From the distance* The fuck?

—

Leo: I accidentally ate Mikey's sandwich. How long do you think I'll have to live?

[Y/n]: *calmly* 5.

Leo: five what?

[Y/n]: 4.

—

[Y/n]: You seriously need to calm down.

Mikey: But how can ice cream be birthday cake flavor if birthday cake can be ANY flavor???

[Y/n]: Huh...you actually do have a point there.

—

Villain of day: I'm going to kill you!

Mikey: Hold on, let me ask [Y/n].

Villain of the day: It's not a choice-

Mikey: They said no. *smiles* And they're on their way here!

Mikey: *realizes* I think you should start running.

Donnie, Leo, and Raph: *nods in agreement*

—

Mikey: I love you!

[Y/n]: I trust you.

Mikey: *confused*

[Y/n]: That's bigger to me than "I love you".

—

[Y/n]: *Dramatically watches rain fall through the window* We're born alone and gonna die alone.

Donnie: *Done* Mikey literally just left to get pizza.

—

[Y/n]: I am clearly not cut out to help make people life choices.

Mikey: Oh, I wouldn't be so sure. You helped me choose you!

[Y/n]: Okay, that time I was a genius.

[wjehfshs]

Hi can i request a reader that has infinite feral energy? Like reader acts as if he drank 27 cups of coffee and 29 cans of energy drinks everyday and he is just... feral af. People are scared of ghost because he is tall and scary but people are scared of reader because he is just so fucking unpredictable, if reader walks up to you he will either give you the tightest hug and pat your head or kick you in the shin and call you a loser while your on the floor crying over your poor shin, and it doesnt help the fact that reader also has the thickest, deepest european accent known to man. Reader made it his lifes mission to try and climb könig everytime he sees him. Price made it an official rule to never give reader any coffee or energy drinks because the last time reader drank coffee everyone had to suffer a sleepless night because reader was stomping up and down the halls. Does crazy shit with soap cuz c'mon we all saw it coming. Whenever reader gets tired (which is almost never) reader acts like a completely drunken man, bumping into things and walls, always trips on the stairs, dramaticly tumbles and falls, when he finally reaches the end of the stair case instead of getting up he just lays there on the ground re-thinking about his life choices, silently and blankly staring into space, this happens so much that tf141 makes bets on how long reader will stay on the floor. Readers favorite thing to do is chase and terrorise shadow company soldiers and new recruits, while chasing after them he will yell in his deep and heavy accented voice which causes the shadow company soldier and new recruits to think he is putting a curse on them.

Oh my god I love this

Reader is chaotic, crack fanfic, reader climbs König, MW/MW2 and Ghosts is kinda merged into one here with a huge select few of characters don’t ask why, male reader

Dude you where fucking terrifying

Energetic, heavy European accent, and completely feral

Before you came everyone thought Ghost was the scariest

Good god once they met you they feared for their sanity

Poor König can’t even stand without you climbing up on him

It’s like a daily thing

He’s just accepted it

You would grab onto his shoulders and climb up him like he’s a tree, then hug him like a Koala

Once you were given coffee by a rookie who didn’t know how feral you are

No one slept for the next 2 nights

Day and night you were running around, laughing, giggling, screaming, stomping

Like a literal child

After night 2 you crashed, on the stairs

Gaz found you laying on the stairs, face down just thinking, not blinking at all

“How long do ya think he’ll be there?” Soap asked

“I bet you 20 dollars he’ll be there for another 4 hours” Gaz laughed

Soap got the 20 dollars, you got up in 3 1/2 hours

Gaz was not happy but obliged anyways

The scariest part of you though was when you would chase people

The poor rookies would be screaming, running away as you laughed with your deep accented voice

You always caught them and tickled them

Ghost was just waiting for the day it was his turn to book it for the bunker as you chase him down

On the rare occasion you were tired, usually after a particularly tough mission, you were still just as bad

Stumbling around, giggling, no filter between your brain and mouth, and not to mention when you would randomly fall asleep anywhere

And I mean ANYWHERE

Once Price found you asleep in the shooting range after you stumbled in there in your tired, delirious state

Even with Rookies shooting guns and trying to ignore the man asleep in the corner of the room

You didn’t budge

But god did all of them breathe a sigh of relief

They wouldn’t trade you for the world, but they just couldn’t keep up

Once you went up to roach and nearly snapped him in half with a hug, he swore he heard a crack

But another time you went up to Keegan, hugged him, lifted him up, and threw him over your shoulder

Graves is usually the victim of your kicks

Rudy and Alejandro made a promise to each other to never give you any spicy food, who knows what could happen

Once you stole Alex’s prosthetic leg and ran around with it

He was hopping after you, screaming how it wasn’t fair as you just laughed manically

Farah once made the mistake of letting you use her bike

You rode around for the next 5 hours, once you finally got off everyone felt themselves melt from relief

Soap will occasionally rile you up when you’re actually sitting down, as calm as possible

He’ll do stuff like tickle you, make you laugh, anything to get you going again

Everyone loves you a lot but they have a lot of sleepless nights because of you

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟���🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟

Eddie time! 129 for 🧟:

---

Eddie quickly learns that, though there are many similarities between Maddie and her little brother, there is one considerable difference. At least when it comes to long drives. Maddie and Buck are both kind and brave and gentle. Lionhearted type people, to be sure. They’re both well-spoken and intelligent. Friendly. Except, whereas Maddie was perfectly fine letting long stretches of time pass in relative silence, Buck cannot seem to accomplish this. He likes to talk. A lot. 

It’s not that Eddie has a problem with chatty people. He doesn’t. Shannon was really chatty, back when they got along. Eddie tends to not know how to fill silences, even when he should, with anyone but his son. So having someone who seems to be very adept at it is generally a good thing. And really, it would be. Eddie might appreciate it, any other day. Just today? So soon after leaving his kid and so close to finding or not finding Shannon?  Today, Eddie just doesn’t have the necessary social energy or focus to respond properly. And it’s making him feel sort of rude.

“I haven’t been to Los Angeles since I moved back here from Peru,” Buck starts their drive by explaining. 

“Peru?” Eddie blinks, confused. He’s only half-listening.

“Yes!” Buck explains. “I spent half a year working at a resort in Peru. Like an all-inclusive. Mostly attracted college-age party crowds, you know?”

Not really. Eddie had a kid before his nineteenth birthday. The closest to a party vacation he got was the fact that there was a beer festival happening an hour away from the military hospital in Germany where he recovered from being shot. 

He doesn’t say this.

“Right,” he mumbles instead.

“So, yeah, anyway, I moved here from Peru, and got the flight from Lima to LAX, and that was literally the last time I was in Los Angeles.” Buck continues with his story. “I always told myself I’d go more but between the fire academy and working and dating, I never did anything touristy.” 

“Life sure gets busy,” Eddie mumbles affirmatively.

“Yep! And then the world ends.”

It’s easy to say that. That the world has ended. And in a lot of the ways that matter, it feels like it really has. But maybe the scariest part is that it hasn’t. Not entirely. The scariest part is that there’s just enough left that Eddie and everyone else still alive and not a fucking zombie can’t throw in the towel. There’s way too much to keep fighting for. 

“So, what about you, man?” Buck asks.

“Me?” Eddie asks.

“You been to L.A. before or is this gonna be your first time?”

Right. That’s what they’d been talking about. Or, rather, that’s what Buck had been talking about. Sort of. 

“Yeah, I’ve been,” Eddie answers. “My Tia… Pepa. She lives… Lived…”

He takes a struggled breath at the thought of referring to any of them in the past tense. 

“My Tia and her kids lived out here and my Abuela moved out when I was fifteen or sixteen,” Eddie continues. “We visited.”

Buck graciously skirts over the fact that Eddie has just struggled to mention the family he’s lost.

“Oh, hey, that’s cool,” he says instead. “So you’ve done the touristy stuff?”

“Mhm,” Eddie confirms. “Some of it.”

His lack of elaboration seems to disappoint Buck a little. 

Eddie finds that he does not like that muted, disappointed look. It makes him want to scramble to bring his easy smile back. Shoot. Now is not the time for a crush. Not that there ever has been a good time for it. Slowing down and letting himself feel anything would confirm what Eddie’s quite sure he already knows. What he has probably always known, on some level. 

He’s gay. 

He’s gay and he’s searching for his estranged wife with the very handsome, very talkative brother of the woman he’s entrusted his son to. 

Yeah, not a good time for a crush. Like, at all. 

And yet he finds himself talking to mollify Buck anyway.

“I liked Griffith Park and Runyon Canyon,” Eddie says. “I like hiking.”

Buck lights up again. Eddie finds it stupidly endearing.

“I like hiking, too!” He exclaims. This turns into a full story about a hiking trip through the Shenandoah Valley when he lived in Virginia. Seems like this guy has lived everywhere. 

Eddie sits back and listens as he talks, eventually finding the raspy, excited lilt of his voice comforting. He finds himself wondering, perhaps stupidly, if in another life, they might be the sort of people who are well-suited for one another. Someone to hike and be active with. Someone to fill his silences. 

Eddie blinks the thought away. It’s useless. Right now, he has to focus on the road ahead of him, not the road he never got to take. 

▪️▪️▪️

It’s a two hour and twenty minute drive from Sunport to Los Angeles in theory. Eddie thinks. He doesn’t actually know for certain. It’s about two hours from Santa Barbara and he tacked on the twenty minutes. He doesn’t have Google Maps anymore. And he doesn’t know how long it will take to reach Shannon’s last known address in the city. This is all just a fuck ton of guess work, really. 

In practice, it takes them longer. They make it past Ventura, driving the same way he and Maddie had come, without an issue. It’s once they’re on a new route towards the city that things start getting complicated. 

First, the bridge over the Santa Clara River is out on the 101. Eddie’s not sure how this happened. It has not been long enough for the structure to naturally decay. It looks sort of… Blown up? Like someone intentionally destroyed it. They have to circle back and head northeast until they find another option. 

Not long after that, before they even reach Camarillo, there’s a transport truck overturned on the highway. Normally Eddie would just drive on the grass around it, but they’re on a steep hill. One one side of the road, the ground juts out above them. On the other side, it drops off after a guard rail. They’re sort of fucked. 

“This is ridiculous,” Eddie complains as they turn back around.

“Haven’t you driven all over?’ Buck asks. 

“Just from Texas,” Eddie says.

“So haven’t you seen way worse?” Buck asks. “Maddie says you were attacked by lions.”

Eddie shudders at the memory.

[watchmorecinema]

I was re-watching the Folding Ideas video about Nostalgia Critic's The Wall, and it got me thinking about something. I'm perfectly ok with people hating my favorite movies, so long as they at least understand them. The Wall is a dark and depressing movie and maybe you just don't want to deal with that. But if you think the main theme is "high school sucks" then you didn't really try to engage with it at all.

A lot of this I think is due to advertising. The Exorcist isn't the scariest film ever made, it's a family drama. It's very compelling but if you're looking for a lot of scares then you'll walk away thinking it's boring. Rambo isn't really an action film since it's more about the character of Rambo and how he has been dehumanized by the very machine that sent him to kill in Vietnam (the sequels dropped all of that). A lot of people went into Fight Club expecting it to be a straightforward fighting movie but actually it's a twisty thriller about the horrors of capitalism.

But outside of that I think it happens when the movie is abstract in some way. The Wall is very abstract, but it's easy to understand what it all means. An animated scene about inhuman monsters destroying London isn't The Wall trying to be a Kaiju movie for a minute, it's a metaphor for the horror and destruction of the blitz.

David Lynch and Tarkovsky get hit pretty hard by this too; people don't understand what the plot literally means so they get hung up on that instead of coming up with their own interpretation. What Stalker means to me is completely different to what it means to someone else. Any Twin Peaks theory is valid so long as its yours. Good art is a mirror that lets you engage with it and reflect about your own thoughts and feelings. If you unironically think that Whiplash or Wolf of Wall Street was about supporting hustle culture then that says more about you than about the film.

If you don't regularly engage with art in this way, well you should! Watch movies you wouldn't normally consider and see how it makes you feel. Even bad movies can help you feel a certain sort of way and that's valid. Maybe you find something that means something to you in a way that was never envisioned by the creator. Videodrome has a lot to say about parasocial relationships with online content creators, but it came out more than a decade before the Internet came into being. Starship Troopers was panned on release but now it's understood to be a pretty clear satire of right wing militarism. Every time I rewatch Akira I get something different from it, especially if I'm in a different stage of my life.

There's a lot out there to explore. And sometimes that means you walk away from a film where you might think it was well made but that it did nothing for you. It's happened to me too; I can understand that The Wolf Man did a lot for werewolves in fiction (literally creating most of the lore you recognize), but it's also mostly about a guy being really creepy towards women with pretty bad special effects. I can appreciate its influence, but I just don't think it's a good movie.

I'm sure most people reading this will have similar thoughts about Stalker. It's very slow, philosophical, a bit nihilistic and while the plot is pretty easy to understand it leaves so much open ended that you need to decide for yourself what it all means. It's a lot of work to watch. I love it for that reason; very few movies actually give the viewer homework to mull about and chew on and this one gives so much to consider. But it's perfectly reasonable for someone to decide that it's hard to relate to the movie about Russians being depressed about abstract concepts for nearly 3 hours.

[ashleyjowilliams]

I am in vegas with family and I went to like the meow wolf art exhibit yesterday and it is literally the scariest place I have ever been in my life it was so cool and I loved it so much we spent like three hours in there and it was so interesting and fun. but then towards the end I got literally so scared because I got too immersed and it felt so real and disorienting and everywhere you looked there was more and more around you and then I spent the rest of the day walking around feeling like everything around me was ironic and dishonest and fake and surreal. so crazy and so fun but like scariest day of my life

[charbles]

In your AU who is your all time favorite and why?

Anon, I've been thinking about this for hours, I'm NOT joking, This au has been around since 2018, its a very special thing to me, its gotten me personally through ALOT of shit, and its one of Me and Ricks (@galacticaldisaster) first au's/rewrites we've EVER done together, this au short is SO SO important to me which is why its SO HARD just to choose one character, you feel me? On top of that Rick and I try to implement literally EVERYONE into this au, we Cherry-pick from books, we include EVERYONE from AR, there are GENUINELY so many options!

My favorites bounce around alot due to whoever i'm focusing on developing and the likes but i think i've got a solid tie for #1! and ive got reasons for why its a tie :]!

Chris is my favorite out of all of the characters i've written purely because he makes me very sad, I think i did the best job writing him as a character, hes balanced in the sense that hes a heartbreaking character and yet i think he stays child-like in essence, hes got reason for what he does but he goes about it like a 6 year old would, a very scared 6 year old

Which brings me to my second favorite of all of the characters, Richie. Richie is this au's FNAF 3 Phone dude, I havent really talked about Richie too much, besides the mention from last night. But richie will ALWAYS be on top, mostly because he is the very first character i wrote for this au, WAAAYYY back when i was 15, the very first picture i EVER drew of this au was of Richie Scott, Age 17, Threatening to hit someone with a lightning mcqueen Croc. Richie and Phillip's (@galacticaldisaster s phone guy) whole concept came from a game of Garrys Mod where we were being little idiots and beating the shit out of eachother with fnaf character models! I also just think Richies silly :]

Legally i DO have to give you all my favorite of Ricks characters;

You all obviously know springtrap/william, absolute motherfucker, but RICK. RICK HAS THE AUDACITY, THE G A L L to both turn him into the saddest dad you've EVER met, and the scariest and i mean, SCARIEST William ive ever read. seriously, dudes believe me, Rick's writing for his devolve from a dad/ business man to murderous deranged killer is GENUINELY my favorite, I've seen alot of interps of william, and maybe im a bit biased, But Ricks is my favorite.

Now Phillip is in the same vein of Richie, hes the phone guy and was made during a game of Gmod via rambling, but Phils character and story is genuinely very very :[ i love him, he is my favorite white boy, Phillip my beloved little corporate slave turned Man Fuck This Place >:,[ i wont talk about his story too much, but its sad, and i fucking adore him and will kill for him

an honorable mention for ricks, who i will not be sharing pictures of is Jeremy Fitzgerald, because rick is the ONLY person i know who has implemented the fact jeremy carved his fucking face off and also once again? i love him. hes a FUCKER.

HONORABLE MENTIONS BELOW CUT!!

my FAVORITE fucker to draw is malhare.

look at this fucking idiot, i love him, and yet he is ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING. HE IS A MENACE. this guy and his bestie in au is ARE ABSOLUTE FREAKS. FUCK UP YOUR LIFE FLAVORED FREAKS!!

annnnndd currently my favorite character to write for is Vanny and the Tape girl (Delilah!) :]

i will not be giving context to this image :]

[vigilskeep]

How did Yrsa feel about the Fade (and also suddenly having dreams post-joining)?

initial impressions of dreams were not great, it has to be said! it was not enough punishment for the deep roads to take her mother, her eye, and, as a grey warden, her life; now they have to invade even her rest. but honestly i don't think the freaky dream aspects are the scariest thing to her. she's a brave warrior who's faced darkspawn, and as for the fade, in her waking hours on the surface she's already in an unfamiliar world with rules she doesn't understand and geography that makes her stomach lurch. the scariest part abt the fade quest is actually fighting alone. yrsa's had a loyal companion guarding her back and an audience to make her keep up a brave face for pretty much as long as she can remember, except during her exile in the deep roads. the separation anxiety with her new companions immediately hits hard. seeing their 'nightmares' makes her realise both how little she knows about these people and how badly she needs them, especially of course her fellow grey warden who, after facing betrayal after betrayal from all sides, she feels is the one person here she can really count on. (she also feels that one major reason she cannot give in to the sloth demon's dream and accept the death she was exiled to meet is because she is the one person he can really count on)

on the other hand, there was something liberating about the fade, too. when gorim asks her if she ever wishes she wasn't the king's child during the aeducan origin, she says, "i am what the ancestors made me". she's a duty-driven person who has always accepted the status quo and a plan for her life made before she was even born. the shapeshifting mechanic is a very literal way (or as literal as anything in the fade) to experience for the first time that not being her usual self might be as freeing as it is terrifying

(there was also a glitch where for a moment her 'true form' also appeared as a golem and my brain was immediately like oh huh non-binary yrsa canon. so. take that as you will i guess)

[golbrocklovely]

This is very out of blue but I stopped watching sam and colby around 3ish years ago (I got burned out on their content because I used to watch them every night before I went to sleep) and now I want to get back into their videos but I’m intimidated by the sheer amount of them! I was wondering if you could recommend some that you consider a “must watch” thanks 💕

this is literally so long, i'm so sorry. but it's bc i go into detail about the different eras of snc that you've missed and whatnot lol

okay, so threeish years ago would be 2020. i'll just start from 2021 and go from there. sorry if i give you a lot, since i know you said you were overwhelmed by how many videos there are. but these are just some of my faves/ones i liked, so watch them if you want and if not, no hard feelings. if the video is highlighted red, that's a video i strongly suggest you watch just bc it's a fan favorite or is really good imo. the others are just ones to watch for funsies.

so at the beginning of 2021, they did something called 25x25. basically it was supposed to be 25 things before they turned 25. they didn't do it for very long bc it didn't really get them that many views lol

but some videos from that era i would watch are:

best friend gives me first tattoo *blindfolded* our terrifying shipwreck experience | (ran out of air) overnight in most expensive hotel room! (las vegas) our return to haunted cerro gordo ghost town (overnight) surviving overnight on an abandoned island (thunderstorms!) exploring abandoned beach hotel (heavily guarded)

then they went back into haunted videos, but it was still under the 25x25 umbrella:

our unexplainable night at queen anne hotel | room 410 the night we talked to demons. | real conjuring house our unforgettable haunted experience | shanley hotel

then they went to chernobyl. highkey, i recommend just watching the whole 2 hours movie they made. it was really good and just very interesting watch. unless you don't care about their exploring stuff, which… valid lol

then we move into hell week #1, which is something that they are still doing to this year. highlights from that are:

our horrifying night at haunted dracula's castle (real vampire) terrifying ritual in world's largest catacombs overnight in haunted waverly hills sanatorium alone in the real conjuring house | sam and colby

then they finished out the year strong with some of their best videos: our haunted night at villisca axe murder house (solved) and our demonic encounter at haunted sallie house. both of those are fucking awesome, truly.

now we get to 2022. they did seasons this year. season one was about attachments (vaguely) bc sam had one from the sallie house. highlights from season one were:

the bellaire house: a portal to hell… a night alone in haunted hospital |fairfield infirmary the stanley: usa's most haunted hotel (our return)

i'll be honest… season one wasn't my favorite lol

season two was called 'empath' bc colby was getting more into his psychic abilities… bc yes, that's now a thing. there are more highlights in this season than last:

our most demonic experience | zak bagans haunted museum our terrifying encounter at most haunted hotel the demon on goatman's bridge (w/ kallmekris) the scariest night of my life.

then they went and did a trilogy, or season three, that took place in europe. respectfully, i don't like any of these videos so they're all kinda skip for me. but they collabed with georgenotfound and wilbur soot, along with kat and stas. so if you like any of those ppl, watch the trilogy. otherwise, you ain't missing much.

then they went on to hell week #2. both hell weeks are tied in my book content wise. hw #1 stands out more just bc of the conjuring. nonetheless, highlight from hell week #2:

the hospital of nuns: a night turned demonic shadow man encounter at trans-allegheny lunatic asylum the night a demon attacked us. the demon of bell witch cave our unexplainable night at winchester mystery house

the last one is cool not bc of the investigation per se, but bc of the numerology that they get into.

snc then did two final videos for the year: our demonic encounter with world's most haunted doll and my terrifying experience alone at haunted lighthouse. the robert the doll video is fine, i think the reason why i don't love it is bc a lot of fans blame the doll on colby's cancer…… so, i personally don't feel like watching it ever again lol

then we finally get onto this year. now, they haven't posted all that much this year bc colby was sick, which i assume you know about. and if not, definitely 100% watch i have cancer. it goes into colby's whole journey.

as for the other content, here are the couple videos i've liked that they have put out this year:

surviving 3 terrifying hotels in 50 hours.. | full movie the most demonic house in england. (w/ tommyinnit & jack) the demonic secret society of england. | hellfire club the demon of chillingham castle. (w/ daz)

that only leaves out like two videos from this year but ehh. if you wanna watch everything they've done this year, feel free to.

again all of these are just suggestions so don't feel like you gotta watch all of them in one sitting or even watch all of them to begin with. honestly, just to get you prepared for what's to come, watch the conjuring videos first - since snc are gonna be post three videos on the conjuring alone for hell week. and from there watch whatever you want. if you got any other questions, feel free to ask me :)

[fairycosmos]

i just can't stop fucking up!!! also my memory has been unbelievably bad lately so so bad that i forget i'm doing things at work and then my boss will ask why i did something and i genuinely don't remember doing it so i say i didn't but then she had proof and i know then that i just forgot but i just think i'm on thin ice and not to be dramatic but i just broke up with my slightly abusive boyfriend and i'm ready to just give up. i'm ready to just leave

this is all going to sound so so annoying and ofc you can ignore it/come back to it when you're in a more receptive place but truly and honestly it's ok to fuck up and it's ok to be where you're at right now. every day i wake up and know i'm going to fuck up and be a nuisance and probably mess up numerous tasks due to the state of my mental health and sometimes i hate myself for it and sometimes i learn from it but always it passes. when it comes to work i also have memory issues and i recommend writing down what you do and why (doesn't have to be complicated at all, literally just the task and then a bullet pointed reason why) so you have an answer to give your boss if she asks. it's very very very easy to catastrophise when youre in a bad place and to think every mistake is going to lead to the implosion of your life but you have to understand there is so much more grey area than that - so much more room to breathe than it feels. unless your boss has warned you that you're on thin ice try to remind yourself that what you're doing is anxious mind reading - assuming how someone feels about you without evidence, drowning in an insecurity that has not even fully manifested itself in your reality in any tangible way yet. right now, you're doing your best with the tools you currently have. it is your employers job to work with people through their hardships. multi-faceted and flawed and real people - not machines who perform flawlessly constantly no matter the circumstances. you do not have to be that and you do not have to ignore all the energy it takes just to show up and do your job in the first place while you're dealing with something so difficult - it's a lot. and it's only natural you're overwhelmed. but you're doing it anyway and i promise that is a good thing. i am so so proud of you for breaking up with that asshole and for putting yourself first even if it was the scariest or most painful or most difficult choice you've had to make in forever - future you is absolutely going to thank you for it. from the deepest part of my heart, you deserve better and better is genuinely out there. i understand feeling like you want to give up and i'm not saying you're wrong or bad for processing that emotion and those thoughts. what i am saying is that you're obviously in a massive period of transition and growth and as much as it sounds like bullshit it is not always going to be as intensely hurtful as it is right now in this moment. get some rest, breathe, focus on getting through the next hour. that is more than good enough. tomorrow isn't here yet and when it is you can cross that bridge when you come to it. sending you the biggest hug ever - please take it easy and please don't do anything rash. if you need a friend, please come say hi any time. i get it in a lot of ways and i'd love to chat. i'm going to leave some resources that might come in handy if you implement them - they're just there for if you're ever looking for an option when you feel like you're out of them. they're not the full answer and they don't have to be, they're just a start. you're not stuck and you're not alone, though i totally get feeling as if you are. much love. x

resource / resource / resource / resource / resource

[izlosingtheirmind]

I smoked DMT in May of this year and this is my experience and how it changed my life

Important context for this is I’ve been suicidal most of my life. The prior months leading up to this experience, I had been severely suicidal, every day. I had a note ready and was certain I wasn’t making it to 30.

I didn’t breakthrough all the way and I didn’t really have to. I got very close.

At first I was just ..“dancing with the universe” is the only way I can explain it. The most magnificent patterns I’ve ever seen, colors I can’t explain. I cried of joy. I could still see my apartment. My vision was like a shutter. For ex. One moment an object would be a rectangle, then it would switch (not morph), totally switch in a shutter type fashion into a circle. And then some more shapes I’ve never seen and can’t explain.

Then I took my last hit, held it in. My reality got very weird and a bit scary. I saw someone or thing watching me from my bathroom door and my jacket hanging up began to melt.

Then right when I said “I think I want this to stop”, I was shot through a tunnel of spinning mandalas made of eyes. Quite literally that popular piece by Alex Grey. But not looking at it, in it. Fully in it. Reality was no more. When I was in that tunnel, I didn’t know nor think about my human existence. None of it existed for that time. But I was quickly shot back into reality.

I saw my apartment again, but it was crazy. My walls and objects were morphing from shape to shape, color to color extremely fast. I looked at my cat and she was morphing and changing color too. Neon pink, neon green and checker pattern stuck out to me the most for some reason.

Then reality crumbled right before my eyes. Literally. Everything turned black/white/grey and crumbled like a building being demolished. And I was back in a world I can’t explain.. it was dark. Again, my human existence didn’t exist, i was just energy experiencing.. something.

Finally I came back to reality, saw my friend and grasped him for dear life so I didn’t get taken back to that world. I was so scared I wouldn’t come back from it, and that I was going to be sent back for eternity. I thought I was either going to die or go insane. Everything was morphing as it was before. All that was going through my head was that I’m going to lose the girl I really like, I’m gonna lose my job, my cats won’t have a mom anymore, I’m never gonna see my family and friends again. I held onto my friend for dear life until it finally fully ended.

All I could mutter was “what the fuck”. No amount of psychedelics could have prepared me for DMT. It’s a whole other animal.

Interestingly, when I came out of it and realized I was okay and it did in fact end, I wasn’t scared of it. I thought I’d be traumatized from an experience like that and never want to touch it again. It was easily the scariest experience of my entire life. Yet, directly after, I felt grateful and intrigued.

It took me about an hour or 2 to just somewhat process what had just happened. But I quickly came to the realization that I am not ready to die. That I have potential, that my loved ones need me and that is why I was scared. Not only did I gain this knowledge, I also came back with a knowing that this is the case for every human soul on this planet. I didn’t get an answer as to why, but I now know we all have a reason for being here. Every one of us. No matter how hopeless it seems. Everyone is meant to be here and experience this life.

The second realization I came to rather quickly was that running from fear of the unknown will only make things worse. Every time. That I must SURRENDER to life and know that it is out of my control (besides my actions). This, I believe as an intuitive knowing from the experience, was a lesson that was taught so that I can integrate it into my life, and until I do, I am not to return to the DMT world. And I have taken this lesson very seriously and have been taking action to push past my fears that I would normally let dictate my life. I have a lot of work to do still, because it is a huge barrier I’ve got to tackle. And I’ll be honest I’ve been slacking.

I tried to return last week and was not granted access no matter how much of it I smoked. I got the visuals, but was stuck in the waiting room with an intuitive feeling that it’s not time yet and I still have work to do.

So yeah, DMT zapped away my suicidal ideation, made me realize how my life does have potential and sent me on a mission to conquer my fears and live the life I WANT. And I’m grateful as hell.

With psychedelics, you really have to be able to take what you can get from the experience, good or bad. But if DMT ever crosses your path and you feel ready to accept what it has to offer, I highly recommend you do. (Don’t seek it. It will come to you.)

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #201

Do you like meatball subs? I really don't, they just make the bread soggy, which I cannot tolerate texturally.

What is your favorite smell on earth? Fresh baked goods. Cinnamon rolls are the best.

If you have a sib, do you call him/her “brother” or “sister” sometimes? I call Ashley "big sis" quite a bit, and sometimes "little sis" for Nicole.

Did you ever collect stickers? I did in my childhood for a very long time! My original dresser ended up completely covered in stickers because that's where I kept my collection of them.

Have you been baptized in any religious tradition? I was as a baby.

Do you love the smell of sunblock? I don't.

What was the last upsetting thing that happened to you? An asthma flare-up. Since my actual attack at the very end of January, I've now had FOUR more instances where my oxygen levels were on the very, very brink of "I need to go to the ER." One time I literally would've gone again if Mom hadn't told me not yet (she didn't want me waiting for hours because my oxygen wasn't low enough to be attended to immediately). I'm very stressed out about it; I'm not supposed to see a pulmonologist until June, but Mom and I are praying that there's a cancellation I can slide into.

What was the last thing you ordered from Starbucks? I've never gone there because I hate coffee. Oh wait, I have gotten a treat from there, but I can't recall what it was, this was years ago.

Do you trust your doctor? I trust my primary doctor and therapist. My current psychiatrist is an absolute fucking joke and after my last appointment, I refuse to go again. We're gonna try and set me up with a psychiatrist where my therapist is.

Do you ever question if your mother loves you? God no, I know me and my siblings are her world.

What is missing in your life? Fun. Adventure.

What is your favorite type of Lunchables? Nachos, zeeeeero competition.

What is the worst medication side effect you’ve ever had? As far as the most truly unenjoyable, vomiting. Scariest, bodily spasms and the constant state of feeling like I was on the very precipice of a seizure. What I'm assuming was probably the most dangerous, hypomania.

What is your favorite thing to order at Taco Bell? Fiesta potatoes.

What church do you go to? I don't go to church.

Do you take risks often? I really don't. I need to be more willing to. Not stupid ones of course, but sometimes risks are necessary for growth and success.

The last time you ate leftovers, what was it that you were eating? My mom made these sorta cheesecake bars to bring to Girt's the other day, because he was obsessed with them when Mom made them last, so his family got to try it and were also hooked, haha. I can't remember everything in it, but I know it included a sugar cookie base, chocolate chips (I think?), toffee bits, pecans (which you really couldn't taste, it was mostly a texture thing), and caramel.

What was the last flavor of ice cream you ate? Vanilla.

What is your favorite song at the moment? Probably "V.A.N." by Bad Omens and Poppy, at least for right now. It's not my favorite song ever, but it's newer so more enjoyable to listen to lately.

What is one thing you have too much of? fat lmao

What type of fruit do you eat the most? Apples.

Would you rather eat strawberries or watermelon? Strawberries. Watermelon is too watery to me, I don't enjoy it.

Do you prefer hamburgers or hot dogs? Burgers.

How far away do you live from the place where you were born? The hospital I was born at is barely five minutes away.

If you buried a time capsule, what would you put in it? Oh I have no idea.

Describe your clothing style in three words: Comfortable. Lazy. Dark.

What’s something you want to do more often? Be outside.

Who is your favorite YouTuber? Of all-time, Markiplier. I don't really have a favorite these days, just a few I enjoy a lot. Some of these are Game Grumps, Snake Discovery, NKFherping, John Wolfe, Shane Dawson, Woolie VS, and Gab Smolders.

Do you believe in soulmates? No.

What band or artist do you think is overrated? I just really don't care, let people enjoy the shit they like. Just because I don't enjoy an artist doesn't mean other people can't.

What’s something untrue that you believed for a long time? Uhhhh maybe that slit pupils on a snake always meant it was venomous. I've known that's incorrect for years, but I did think that was a universal rule when I was younger.

Did you skateboard when you were younger? No. I kinda passively wanted to, but was never too interested to actually learn.

Have you ever won a contest? A few, mostly related to writing ability.

What’s something weird you’ve eaten? An orange yogurt-flavored treat for guinea pigs lmao

Who is someone you would like to get to know better? An acquaintance from high school named Courtlyn. We're Facebook friends and interact sometimes, but I'd love to get to know her better.

When’s that last time you saw snow? It's been like two years. :/

Who are the 3 people you love the most? Mom, Girt, and then I'm not sure who would be #3. There's a collection of people that come to mind, not just a single one.

Last person you slept in the same bed with? Girt.

Have you recently been sick? No.

Would you marry someone if they were unable to have sex? Yeah.

Does heartbreak really feel as bad as it sounds? I think this would vary from person to person. For me, it was infinitely worse. I never would've anticipated the pain I went through.

Last reason you went to the ER? I had an asthma attack.

What facial cleanser do you use? I don't use one anymore.

Have you ever cheated on the significant other that you have now? I've never cheated on a significant other, period.

Do your parents like your boyfriend/girlfriend? They both love him and have loved him since we were teenagers.

What was the last fruit or vegetable you chopped/sliced up? An apple.

Does the last person whose house you were at like anyone? Me, I'm his girlfriend.

Do you tend to talk on the phone a lot? No, I literally hate talking on the phone. Primarily because over the phone, my auditory processing issues are worse, but also because I dislike not being able to see body language/expressions and it's just annoying to hold a phone and talk to someone and stop what I'm doing when you could just message me.

What turns you on the most? do not touch my boobies ok

Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? Yes.

Have you ever suspected anyone of cheating on you? Not seriously. I can ponder the possibility of Jason having had something going on with the girl he dated after me with how quickly they got together (over Facebook, anyway), but I genuinely do doubt this. If anything, he was over it/open to someone else quick.

Ever get caught doing something naughty with your boyfriend/girlfriend? Yes and we never addressed it and I'm thrilled about that lmfao

Do you use q-tips to clean your ears? Only occasionally, and I'm very careful when I do because overuse/going too deep with them before caused wax to dry and adhere to both of my eardrums and I had to have it suctioned out by a specialty doctor. The doc was very serious about q-tips being an awful idea for internal cleaning, but I can't stand NEVER doing it.

Have you ever swam with dolphins? No, but I'd like to.

If you/your gf became pregnant accidentally, would you consider abortion? I would get an abortion. It'd be the better option for everyone involved; yes, including the potential baby.

What was the last candy you ate? Peach rings.

Do you like zombie movies? Indifferent.

What’s the grossest/worst thing you’ve ever seen in a public restroom? Blood completely covering the underside of the seat.

Have you ever volunteered in a hospital? If not, would you ever want to? No to both.

How do you feel about runny egg yolks? The concept of that going in my mouth makes me want to fucking hurl.

Have you ever hidden a relationship from your family? No.

Who was the worst friend you ever had? Colleen, when it boils down to it.

When was the last time you made plans with someone? What are you going to do with that person? A couple days ago, at least loosely. Girt and I are gonna hang out here this weekend. Dunno what day yet.

Are you close to your extended family? Do you wish you were closer? No; yes.

While on the road, do you play any road games? No.

Have you ever picked apples before? Not really, like at an orchard or something, but I have picked a wild apple out of a tree (it was on a friend's property; we all did it, with the owner) and it was the best apple I ever had.

Are you scared of semi-trucks? Especially when you’re driving next to one? I'm terrified of them. I get tense when I'm in a car where the driver is near one.

Do you have a fence? Along the back and one side of the house, we do.

If you have any pets, do you talk to them in a baby voice? uh, duh

Who was the last person to comfort you? My mom during one of those bad asthmatic episodes.

Do you think that in the end, everything will fall into place? Not necessarily, no. This sadly doesn't happen to everyone. Some people just live a shitty story with no pleasant resolution, no matter what they do.

What was the last thing you swallowed? Flavored water.

Do you like cats? I adore cats. I'm glad Girt's an obsessed cat dad now too because that means more cats in our future, haha.

On a scale of one to ten how much do looks matter to you? In a potential partner? Probably like... 2 or 3.

What are you listening to? "The Death of Peace of Mind" by Bad Omens.

What’s the closest pink object to you? There's pastel pink on the tumbler my sister gave me that I use for my flavored waters.

Are you afraid of thunderstorms? So, yes, but I can also enjoy them. I only get scared when there's a tornado risk.

Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy? No. But I know historically, I've been happier when with a partner.

How much effort did you put into your last relationship? Before my current one? I put my all into it. I mean, at the time, I thought I was in love with this person. And when I feel like that, I go all in.

Do you have impulse control? Yes, at least to a degree. I can tell you I'm not the best at controlling my mouth when I'm hurt, but I'm definitely better than I was as a teen.

Would you do anything on a dare? Nope. I don't even go along with dares, I'll do what I want to and not do what I don't want to.