#listen. had a week. had A Month even.
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its just me, my 4k hd rip of catws, and my 300 screenshots against the world
#text#listen. had a week. had A Month even.#rewatched catws three times#ive been in Steve Mode too long we're shifting to bucky mode#didnt realize how fucking little hes in this movie in the first half btw#literally the Knife Fight doesnt even occur until like an hour and half in#where is he. show me my boy#anyways im making gifs ill do gods work i dont mind#ive looked at chris evans face too fucking much bring me the brunette
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I still think about them daily btw. Just so you guys know
#you dont even understood ok#i forgot how colors work while trying to finish this#had a mini breakdown and didnt touch it for a week#and then before that i had it sitting as a sketch for like a month#finally decided i need to finish it. i think im happy with the final colors but dont talk to me about it#listen i love colors its my favorite part of drawing but why is it so hard#mispelled draws#misp draws#dndads#dungeons and daddies#dndads fanart#dndads s2#hermie unworthy#hermie the unworthy#oakworthy#normal oak#normal oak swallows garcia#normally oak swallows garcia#this is classic oakworthy btw. you can tell bc hermies got his scars and such and norm doesnt
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#this is one of my favorite pokĆ©mon of ALL time. this is one of those pokĆ©mon that#when it first came outā i had such a Visceral reaction to. i couldn't get over this fucking dog. and i still can't#THEY CAN'T FUCKING SEE!!!!!! AHJGSAKDGASJGDSKCGAJVCKABCKB#i love it SO much it's so fucking. cute. it's so fucking cute. so happy to see that blue haired bitch in the sv dlc having one#DAS IST MEIN BABY. I LOVE IT. lord this is the best. gushing over this dog#while also listening to discO-zone for the first time in a Long time#which is one of my favorite albums of all time. right next to probably vylet pony's cutiemarks and the things that bind us#and burn pygmalion from the scary jokes#there you go. there's my music taste lain out flat. kinda all over the place but discO-zone is one of those that i've loved since i was#a real youngin. and i just rediscovered it last night and UUUUUUUGGHHHH IT'S SO GOOD#MUSIC!!!! AND DOGS. feeling GOOD this morning#by the time this postsā it'll be like. two weeks later. but past me was feeling great when she posted this#about to start shiny hunting pawniard for a friend's birthday. technically getting eggs as i write this#wish me luuuuck..! it'll probably be his birthday by the time this posts. lemme check#oh yeah this is gonna post two days After his birthday. hopefully by the time this goes up i've already got the pawniard#HI FORGOT TO TAG THIS ONE#hisuian growlithe#hi from the future again lol his birthday was like a month ago by this point because i ended up queueing up this guy before all the gmax#forms. i totally forgot them. and this whole time i've been queuing them up and shoving them Above this guy. so it was even longer ago#that i queued this guy up at this point. teehee!
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Ashe overhearing Dakota talking about a girl heās madly inlove w and gets all super upset thinking she has no chance
Later itās found out Dakota was just talking about Ms G
#Iāve had a fic idea on this for literal months but I havnt been able to write it#I think about it at least once a week#bc they would#OR even worse#Dakota tells Ashe ab this woman heās madly inlove w and just refuses to name her#and Ashe has no clue who heās going on ab and the other two arenāt there to call it out for being Ms G#so poor Ashe just thinks her crush just told her all ab the girl heās madly in love with#finds out itās this grown ass woman#I came up with this idea while listening to the Goodkids From The Start btw#jrwi#jrwi pd#prime defenders#demonkicks#ashe winters#dakota cole#i love them#Ms Gilbert#I also love overtagging things itās so fun guys#moomins yapping<3
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I wanna thank my irl friends who follow me here and also my beloved mutuals as well as followers who still send me kind messages and try to interact with me and my stuff even if I'm bad at doing it myself.
Honestly, things haven't been that great with me lately, so... it means a lot to me. Honestly. <3
#personal#i had to make the tough decision to drop out of school last week#i didn't exactly want it if i'm being completely honest here#but certain stuff was preventing me from getting further so i knew the teachers are gonna ask me to quit over at our teams meeting#i instantly contacted my nurse about my situation. and she got me a doctor's appointment which was yesterday#where i kind of broke down a little. not because she didn't grant me the sick leave i thought i was going to get#after feeling down and sleeping terribly for weeks#but because she actually *got me*. like. she actually listened to me and figured out some stuff and told me that#what i'm going through and what i've been going through for years would make anyone depressed#so i couldn't help but cry a little because yeah. i'm so tired of never being enough no matter how hard i try#because my brain's wired a certain way and it makes me slow and kinda clumsy and inattentive at times#which. you might guess is not ideal at today's work environment. or studying-wise even#so instead of granting me sick leave (she did say we can change that at anytime though) she told me to wait for that phone call#from the unemployment office. which i should be getting tomorrow. or well. later today#and talk to them about this. to see if they can offer some solutions. or if we can figure something out#'cause i'm getting closer to my 40s and not getting anywhere and it's wearing me out and tiring me out#because i clearly can't help myself or change my ways on my own#i managed to get some work last week though. at the local youth house. one shift though but money still#but i haven't been getting those offers a lot during the past few months so it's not enough to support me obviously#so i definitely need something else. and i hope i can get help. that someone could help me#i should finally get tested for adhd next month too. i don't know if i even have it or if it's gonna change anything but#at least i'd know#anyway i needed to get this off my chest. cause i'm kinda crying a little bit even now just thinking about this whole thing#sorry
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i asked my mum for bluetooth headphones for like.... 2 birthdays and 2 christmases in a row and she never got them because she was like 'you live alone, why would you even need them' and i was always like i mean theyd be fun to play games idk
anyway I finally was like idk why i havent just brought myself a pair instead of asking for them as a present and theyre actually one of the best things ive ever bought myself lmao
#doing things feels less overwhelming with them and ive been listening to SO much music this last week#theyre not even new ive had them a few months now#but the other day i was like huh i could wear these at times other than playing games and talking to my dnd group#and bam#life changed#see mum i was asking for a reason
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as badly as i want to avoid my mom she is making it extremely difficult
#i feel really bad that im so angry at her and she doesnt even know it#but my entire living situation is making me miserable right now and its her fault#she charges me $50 in rent every week and shes increasing it to $125 a week at the end of the month#the only reason this is happening is because she FORCED ME to drop out and the only other alternative was that i had to work full time + pa#rent.............. but like at my job even if im working 40 hrs a week ill only be making abt $900 a month#so i will barely have anything leftover for myself after rent#and i cannot get a second job bc i frankly can not handle it at all + what hours would i even work#and my mom refuses to understand that the reason i had to drop out is bc i am so depressed and so suicidal and i just dont want to live#she doesnt acknowledge that im disabled and severely mentally ill#every time i try to talk about my mental health she treats me like im such a burden to her even though i literally never tell her anything#personal anymore bc she just doesnt listen or care#ALSO she FORCED ME to move across the country and transfer schools when i really did not want (hence why i flunked all of my classes bc i d#not care) but like. everything thats wrong in my life rn is bc i do not want ot live where im living and theres no way for me to go back to#texas and also i dont rly wanna live w my dad either#but anyways. this whole situation would be better if my mom was using me paying rent as an actual lesson in adult respinsibility#but it's really just a punishment because i cant function the way she wants me to#and im over it#so fucking over it why am i such a pussy why cant i just die
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Anyway how is everyone doing
#had to get up at 6 in the morning and therefore had 4 hours of sleep today (a weekly occurence pretty much)#so i just took a nap which took all evening and i'm still tired yayyyyy. because naps only work how they should about 10% of the time#and also i did nothing else today because sleep and now i'm truly wondering what to do with myself anymore#meanwhile i have to get up and go to school again tomorrow š and the day after that š and the day after that š#or i could drop out again and have nothing else to do anyway and continue rotting in my room#(whether it's my dorm room or my actual room doesn't matter). what's the pointtttttt#might be reaching some kind of limit or maybe i'm truly just dramatising and should just chill about it all#save me 4 hours of music listening now probably. idk man#got my minimal amount of social interaction today in the form of riding the elevator with 3 of the ppl from my course#when i could have (and normally would have) just taken the stairs instead#i feel like i made a big important step today that will help me later on through this year (no not really)#at least one thing i've noticed recently is that i might have the reverse of what is i guess is usually called seasonal depression#in the sense that now that it's chilly and cloudy and it gets dark earlier i feel like i'm finally LIVING in a way#the good effect of that will probably pass after a week or two though#but also just a bit over a month left now until my birthday and then my long awaited trip!!#anyone else get unreasonably excited for their birthday each year even though there's never anything special about it in the end#and that only makes the day more depressing lol#ok whatever i'm done whining now i think. music time then#celebrating (a bit late) one year of gratsax and lil beethoven today. some of the albums of all time for me personally#goosepost
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anyway unfortunate for everyone but mostly me that I expected code geass to go into the same mental category for me as things like berserk and eva where I'm like "there's a lot that's really interesting there and I would be properly obsessed with it if it weren't for the misogyny" and instead. sighs. the doomed yaoi melodrama got me
#dreaming.txt#had a conversation with a friend who (correctly) used it as an example of misogyny in mech anime like three weeks ago. and now here we are#like listen. sorry. unfortunately it's not even the most misogynistic mech anime i've seen this month. shout out to ****** **** *******
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Oh my god i need to get a phone with a headphone jack before i end it all.
#ive been using skullcandy wireless headphones for a few years but they fucking break every couple months.#also they discontinued the better kind. theres that too.#i bought a sony pair and ughhhh it sounds worse. trying to save it with equalizer but its so. whatever#can i just get the best and most convenient headphones ever. for free.#BUT UGGHHHH I HATE CHANGE!!! I HATE CHANGE!!!!!!!!!!#its hard enough trying to get alternative earbuds. i havent had a non-iphone since my fucking flip phone.#i dont want things to be different even when its for the better. i think i hauve autism.#yeah theres the fucking dongle but i want to charge my phone too. 3rd party things that do both suck ive tried them. GIVE PHONE MORE HOLES#whatever my phone is fucked up anyway. home button broke months ago. i could replace it some time next year. probably.#i need music. all i do is listen to music. 32 hours on spotify this week if you were curious.#the kat goes meow
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i'm in my i don't want to watch anything and nothing is hitting right era which is my least favorite to be in
#i started house of ninjas and i'm enjoying it but i made it through 3.5 eps and just haven't continued in 2 weeks.... haven't finished#a show since..... Lichrally don't even know when or what it was so it's either been a while or it had no impact#the last anime i fully watched and finished and was like Into was frieren over a month ago š i started other stuff but dropped it part way#i may pick kaiju 8 back up bc i dont think i had that much left... but like NOTHING is speaking to me. nothing is interesting me.#and i don't like rewatching stuff so i don't even have that to fall back on bc i'll start rewatching it and then get bored 10 minutes in!#last movie i saw didn't do anything for me either... and movies are different bc it's not smth i can Get Into in the same way you know#but i don't want to watch any movie either like i keep being like i need to watch the woman king but then i'm like fuckkkkkk i don't tho...#like i do! and i've been meaning to since it came out but it's just Not Happening#as long as i still have music i guess. worst time of my life was my i don't even want to listen to music era and that was how i Knew i was#doing so bad š
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#blorbo thoughts... ive been so buckypilled for literal weeks (months?) now and idk where its coming from#i havent seen/read a marvel in years and even when i did see some of the movies#_I_ wasnt rly in the fandom it was my friend who always wanted to go see them#but oughhh bucky...... hes so important to me#hes so tragic and like ive been reading all sorts of bucky recovery fics lately#its very nice since theres a hundred thousand billion works on ao3 for him i get to be very picky#but idk how i got so attached???#like i said he was always my favorite but i never thought of him outside of the few hours i was watching a movie hes in lmao#now everyday im like waoww... this song is SO bucky#woahh im having a hard time picking what to eat... i bet bucky had a hard time making decisions after he was free of the brainwashing....#waoww a mask? just like bucky has sometimes.....#im not a marvel head but my friend did make us go see the endgame and every day im astonished at how they fucked it up so incredibly#like??????? first off i cant even think of steve going back to the past and leaving bucky in the present after all that hes lost already#cause it just breaks my heart in the same way end of the hobbit breaks my heart#and second of all what about peggys whole life in the past???? her whole agent carter tv show life???? her fiance????#are we supposed to believe a. steve just decides he gets to unwrite that timeline and marry her and b.#that undoing her whole life in favor of them being together is fair to anyone??? wheres her goddamn agency??????#its just so. but marvel movies are the epitome of undoing character development so idk why im even surprised#its just so incredible how theyre handed this super famous VERY FLEXIBLE beloved thing of MARVEL COMICS#and literal millions of money#and they manage to fuck it up so completely in every single direction#anyway im straying from the topic#i love bucky....... hes in so much pain and he gets to get better at least in my brain#my post#how embarrassing to get a marvel movie blorbo in 2024 but its not like i chose it to happen#i keep wanting to make a bucky playlist but i know itd have like 7 songs and thwn i never listen to it so i havent yet
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teee hee I like you so very muchly c: I hope youāre having a good day ššš
#anonymous#ask#listen iāve been having a Not So Good week and an Even Worse day todayā¦.#havenāt rly been very active on tumblr and kinda wondering if ppl are even visiting my blog anymore and havenāt had a new ask inā¦#weeks?? months????#and then i see this in my notifsā¦..#bless u lil anonā¦. bless u š„¹š
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tidied up for literally three minutes and immediately had to lie down again.
but I'm feeling better šš I don't want to be sick anymore, it's so stressful š
#couldn't this have waited a few more weeks? a month maybe? just until I've had time to unpack and organise and tidy a bit more#seriously everything is so chaotic it's driving me crazy#I can't relax in this mess š#like. I already have to take so many breaks normally. but at least then I can do things when I'm lying on the couch#rn my head hurts too much to even play something on my switch or listen to an audiobook#personal
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I truly think if I had watched the Buck, Bothered and Bewildered live it wouldāve taken me out
#911 abc#for context i had stopped watching halfway through season 5#(combination of being busy with other things. losing interest in some of the storylines. and cancelling our hulu) I planned to catch up eve#and then i stopped using tumblr for a few months so I wasnāt seeing any of the news around it#and then a week ago i logged back in and i saw gifs of Buck asking Tommy to be his date to the wedding#and just seeing those gifs made me so unbelievably happy#so of course now i watched all of the s7 episodes#and it was one of those things where even though I knew it was going to happen it was still So Good#idk you know how if spoilers can ruin the story then itās probably not a substantial story to begin with?#instead with this it was like- I was bummed that I didnļæ½ļæ½t get to see it live bc buck is a character I care very deeply about#but knowing it was going to happen and then watching it let me really appreciate how well done it was#I have so many thoughts#might put them into a coherent post one day#Ā”hey listen!
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do u guys kno. just how much i screwed myself over
#BECAUSE I DONT KNOW HOW TO BE NORMAL?????#listen. listen. i could have just. asked to take two weeks off when i first got the job. but i was scared they wouldn't give me the job#if i told them right off the bat#and so i waited a decent amount of time to tell them. and then i was going to tell them. but i got scared thinking that they might fire me#or it would reflect badly on me and i haven't had the job for even 3 months yet and i have a performance review at the end of the 3 months#and the thing i am scared of most in the world is when people who are in positions of authority over me express disapproval#so i was just like. ok i guess i'm not going on this trip that's been planned for over a year and for my grandmas 80th#i will just be so sad and miserable about it and make it everyone else's problem#and then. and then. finally. 2 weeks left until everyone leaves for the trip and i finally bring it up to my coworkers being like#oh yea my whole entire family is going on a big trip without me and i'm rlly sad that i can't go#and they looked at me like. why cant u go? and i was like. what do u mean? cuz i'm new i don't have rights#and they were like. what is wrong with u#and i looked at them and said literally everything#listennnn there is a corporate heirarchy and i am at the bottom of the ladder#i know my place and i'm so used to groveling and begging oh my god i need to get a grip pls#am i normal#please tell me cuz i can't tell is. it normal to be this scared and frightened all the time#like. am i the only one who thinks this way.
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