#listen why would they have him call his romantic partner by his last name if not to invoke the image of the partner in crime-solving

[rovermcfly]

all I want for knives out 3 is for phillip to be in it in the role of romantic partner who against his will gets dragged into the investigation because it happened on a vacation he's on with benoit or sth and he now has to function as the utterly unwilling watson/hastings to benoit's holmes/poirot

and everytime they introduce themselves they have to correct people who assume "partner" means business partner to let them know he is his romantic partner and actually he would prefer to not be involved in the investigation

[sylveon-official]

Huskerdust mpreg wip 3

Part 2 here!

Lucifer chews on the finger of his glove as he mumbles, looking back and forth between Angel perched on the bed and the ultrasound pictures in his hand. Charlie sits beside him in an unwavering show of support, but the nervous shake of her hand clasped in his isn’t really helping.

“Ohhh. Mmm, okay, I see. Oh boy… again?” 

“Again?” Angel and Charlie cry out, shooting worried looks at one another.

“What the fuck do you mean again? This happen often? Isn’t not being able to get knocked up supposed to be, like, divine punishment around here?!”

Of course, Angel had always considered that logic a bit backwards, especially with his profession. He had no idea how demon biology really worked, but he’d seen enough visibly pregnant Hellborns of myriad genders in his time in Hell to be secretly grateful he’d never had to worry about it. Well, until now.

“Well, yes…” Lucifer scratches the side of his cheek, gaze nervously flitting from side to side. “But, you see, from time to time we have experienced… let’s call them… little miracles, here in the Pride Circle!”

Angel scoffs, about to reply with scathing comment about the contradiction when Charlie places a steady hand on his shoulder and gently cuts in, “When is the last time this happened, Dad?”

Lucifer blows out a breath, and tuts his tongue as he counts on his fingers. “Oh, maybe 1000 years ago? Give or take. Doesn’t happen so often, could probably count the amount of times it has on two hands, but —?”

Angel groans. Lucifer or not, this guy has a way of beating around the bush that Angel sure doesn’t appreciate. 

“Come on, cut to the chase shortstack - Why?” Angel asks, exasperated. 

Charlie reprimands him lightly with a gasp of his name while Lucifer zeroes in on him with a narrow glare.

“I’m going to chalk that one up to hormones, and let that one slide.” 

When Angel simply shoots him a dull look, Lucifer quickly gathers up his broken ego and carries on, this time in a more serious tone, “Listen, I wish I had an answer for you kid, but… I’ve never really been able to figure it out myself.”

Angel quickly deflates, sudden heat building up behind his eyes again. Great. Not only is he the first pregnant Sinner Demon in a Millenia, but he doesn’t even get an explanation?

Apparently sensing his downturn in mood, Charlie squeezes Angel’s hand and pries further, “Dad, if this has happened more than once, there has to be something you know. Even a just a theory?”

Lucifer hesitates, fiddling with his cane. “Well… there is one I’ve considered, but… don’t put too much stock into it,” he explains defensively, and Angel looks back up at him, tentatively intrigued.

“So, you know how conception happens… up there, right?” Lucifer cups his hand around his mouth and whispers conspiratorially.

Angel furrows his brows. “No, how the fuck should I-”

“Oh, um!” Charlie cuts in, her own brow furrowed in thought. “Something about ‘built-in’ birth control, right? You and your partner will only conceive if it’s something you both long for. So romantic!” She swoons, pressing her cheek against Angel’s shoulder. She quickly rights herself to add to her father’s assessment, “So if that’s how it works with Redeemed Souls, then maybe… maybe it doesn’t matter whether you’re in Heaven or Hell, since now we know that’s a total crapshoot… maybe it has to do with the goodness inside of the soul itself!”

Angel’s eyes narrow as he parses the words in his head, refusing to acknowledge the latter half of Charlie’s rambling. 

“So lemme get this straight… you’re tellin’ me, this is literally some ‘when two people love each other very much’ kinda bull shit?! Who the fuck would I—” 

Angel’s voice gets stuck in his throat as a very clear image of of the potential culprit poofs into his mind's eye. 

Luckily, Lucifer and Charlie take his short-circuiting as general shock. Charlie coos and pulls him close while Lucifer backtracks, “Like I said, it’s just a theory - I’ve got no proof to back it up. For all I know, this is the Big Whatever Upstairs’ way of fuckin’ with us—”

Angel stands up, ignoring the way Lucifer flinches as he towers over him and Charlie face-plants onto the bed without his support.

“I gotta go,” Angel says, balling his hands up into fists, nails digging into his palms uncomfortably. 

He swipes the photos from off of his desk, throws open the door and briskly walks down the hallway, Charlie’s worried shouts falling on deaf ears.

He takes the stairs to the lobby two by two, picking up his pace so he doesn’t lose his nerve by the time he reaches his destination. 

When he stalks up to the bar, heart pounding and out of breath, Husk simply glances up from the glass he’s polishing and plasters on a teasing, lopsided grin, just like he's done every time Angel has stormed up to his bar at any and all hours of the day and night. 

Husk cocks his head and lifts a brow, the deep timbre vibrating across the walls, “Wanna talk about it, Legs?”

Angel’s heart thumps and his cheeks flood with heat.

“Fuck.”

[drawnthejayys]

Meet my BLU Team OCs !!

Info/Bios under cut!

Dr. Warin Kölher

• Born in Mannheim, Germany

• Team Leader, some refer to him as "Mother Hen" because of his protective motherly attitude

• Lost his medical degree early because he kept experiencing near death situations around his workplace, they thought it was becoming too dangerous even though nobody else was affected 💀

• Survived hell and back more than once (literally) before becoming a mercenary

• Happy face pin on his hat expresses his emotions somehow?¿

• Not a demon or anything, trust me!!!!!

• Likes crows, wants one as a pet

• Says he has a rare skin condition (is lying)

Jenny Thomas

• Sees Dr. Kölher as a parental figure

• "IF AUTISM DIDN'T EXIST, GOD WOULD NOT HAVE CREATED ME!" /ref /j

• Actually born in Canada, does not know

• Sent to Michigan (in a box) as a baby and grew up there

• Collector of many things (rocks, sticks, nuts n bolts)

• Can be very trigger happy especially on the battlefield

• Dr. Kölher gives her star stickers when he's good, he sticks them in his helmet (is tryin to collect 50 of them 🇺🇲)

• Owns chewelry because she has a biting problem but easily breaks through all of them in less than a week

Mason

• nickname: mason jar

• If Mundy listened to midwest emo (/hj)

• Look, we don't know how they escaped New Zealand when its currently at the bottom of the ocean but we don't ask

• Laid-back but lazy at times, takes a lot of naps

• Smokes more weed than Spy smoking cigarettes /hj

• Dumpster diver

• Their Jarate skills kinda go crazy

• Games with Junior, they love first-person shooters

Spy (alias: Rune)

• Get half filipino'd loser🇵🇭🇵🇭🇵🇭🇵🇭����🇭

• Backup strategist for when things go to shit but also the last resort for a lot of things unfortunately

• Anxiety ridden, visits the doc often

• Good at stabbing, not much with shooting

• Acknowledges Scout as his son but is a very awkward dad. He's trying at least

• A hopeless romantic and has been looking for a partner since the divorce(tm)

• Smokes but is trying to quit, often been seen with a toothpick instead of a cigarette

• Autistic just like me fr, stims with his butterfly knife

Dallas

• Tough cowboy, doesn't play around

• "Watch your piehole son or imma SLAP YOU SILLY."

• Probably the sanest in the team

• Grumpy-pants who needs a break

• Very "tough love" kind of father figure

• "MY TEAMMATES ARE ALL MORONS!!!!" /ref /j

• Homophobic homosexual (/j)

• Despite his name, he might not even be Texan

• Tolerates Dr. Kölher the most

Dymitry (Mitya)

• Here to do his job, nothing more

• Intimidating just like the OG Heavy

• Fond of animals and small creatures

• Actually quite calm, its hard to piss him off

• He has a soft spot for Jenny and Meeka and buys them snacks on the weekends

• Jenny calls him Mitts!

Junior

• Transmasc bastard

• He'll beat your ass (for fun!)

• Good friends with Sniper, they listen to music and play video games together!

• Knows Spy is his dad and is very nonchalant about it, much to Spy's dismay ("I am your fathe-" "Whatever, don't care, didn't ask")

• Has braces paid for by Spy but has to leave base monthly to go to an actual dentist because Dr. Kölher didn't wanna keep seeing him cry whenever he had to get his braces tightened

•Still has buck teeth :3

Meeka

• Your honour, they're just a little guy

• Hangs around Mitya to keep him company, theyre the best of friends!

• Goes on crazy killing sprees with Jenny during matches

• Ongoing beef/goof-off with the RED Team's Pyro

• Pinkie Pie energy!!

• Dallas is their (adoptive) dad!

Angus

• Superstitious about a lot of things but keeps it to himself

• For some reason is always very warm which is why he's shirtless 90% of the time

• Has some amazing tits ngl

• Will wear a dress to the function and be the hottest one there

• His fav food is burber 🍔

• Loves hard rum and scotch (its important to me that all my demo ocs have a fav alcoholic beverage)

------------------------

That's all of them! I hope you like them :3

[fishsticksloser]

Beguilement

f!Donnie x g!reader

Warnings: angst, Donnie centered 2nd person, the other boys are in relationships, Donnie struggles with feelings, swearing

A/N: I wrote this because I got off track doing a request and didn't want to delete it... Mikey's partner isn't specified because I didn't know who to put... 2 f!Donnie fics in a row???

Previous | Next

Donatello had a habit of stressing out too much when working in the lab, he also had a tendency to stay there for days on end. But suddenly you were in his life and you invaded his lab, not that he was complaining. When you were in his lab, he felt less stressed, he took more breaks, and he actually ate.

Though the last thing he needed was you. Relationships are a distraction, especially romantic ones.

That's what Don thought at least, but the more time you spent in his lab, around him in general, the more he longed to know what it felt like to have his arms around you... To have someone to share memories with, like his brothers did. Usagi was moving into Leo's room. Raph and Mona were finally getting married. Mikey was also getting married.

To stay away from his brothers and their happy relationships, he would locked himself in his lab. The cycle suddenly started again. He'd been working for days, no one, including you, had seen him for days. No one was even sure he'd eaten.

"Donnie." He heard you come in, tensing. "You haven't fermented in here, have you?"

"Fuck..." He huffed, under his breath.

"DonTon..." You place your hand on his shoulder, turning him to face you. "Your brothers say they haven't seen you in days. What's going on?"

Donnie didn't want to answer, but it was so hard to ignore you. He wanted to talk to you all the time.

"I can't be out there." He decided.

"Is there a reason? Don't tell me it's Raph's love stink."

"Partially."

"What else is it, Don? You know you can always talk to me."

"It's just..." He sighs, shoving the heels of his hands against his eyes. "It's not fair."

"What's not fair?" He didn't answer, trying to turn back around to his work, but you wouldn't let him. Donnie refused to look at you, fidgeting with his hands. "Are you... Jealous of your brothers?"

"Why would I be jealous?" He grits, finally turning away from you. "Jealous..."

"You are!" You pull him away from the desk and move in front of him. "You're jealous!"

"Name one thing I have to be jealous of?"

"They're in love."

"Love is a distraction."

"But you still yearn for it."

"Yeah right... I'm much to busy for did feelings like that."

"Are you saying you don't want me around? Am I not also a distraction?"

Donnie was caught. He knew it. That smug smile your lips, you knew. You had to, there was no way you'd bring up your time in his lab if you didn't know. He could play it off... Maybe...

"You're right." He manages. "I am jealous, but not because they're in love... Because I'm sitting here, in my lab, working my ass off. They get the happy life they have always wanted but I'm stuck here making sure we don't die, making sure we can defeat the Kraang.

"I'm stuck here while they're all cuddly and kissy. I'm here doing something that actually matters, something that makes a difference. Something that can protect thousands. So yeah, I'm jealous. I wish I could just kick back whenever I wanted. I wish I could go out to karaoke nights. But my work is too important for distractions, breaks, and relationships. Definitely not enough time for you."

Finally he looked up at you. He knew he fucked up. He shouldn't have said that. He should've just let you think you knew.

"So I'm just a distraction?" You finally say. "Nothing more. I'm just something in your way. So self-righteous. Your work trumps everything else. You are so worried about hiding your feelings you don't care who you hurt."

"Wait!" He calls as you storm out. You didn't listen, letting the lab door slam behind you. He stares at the probe in front of him. Shoving it off the desk, not really carrying if it broke. "Fuck..."

[princelylove]

hello its everyones favourite slightly unstable 🌸 anon here to comment on everyones least favourite dinosaur-- diego brando!

listen. LISTEN. hes stupid and silly and also has mummy issues. and what do boys who are stupid and silly and have mummy issues look in a partner? SOMEONE THAT RESEMBLES THEIR MOTHER AND ACTS LIKE THEIR MOTHER!

thoughts, your highness?

your favourite peon,

🌸

Peon? That pleases me, anon. I don’t know about my favourite, though. I’m imagining you screaming the last bit and then stepping off of your soap box to gently ask. 

I was just thinking about how I haven’t seen you recently, and now here you are. Do you often come when called? 

I already wrote a little bit about Diego here, but let’s do a little deep dive into his psyche. 

Diego is another yandere I can see picking either a familial or romantic darling. Either way you will not escape the “I’ll never love you more than my mother.” conversation. 

You’re right, anon. He misses his mother. Diego does not really want to be caught up needing someone, it isn’t in his nature to seek someone out and actually keep them. He uses people as tools and then disposes of them as necessary- human life is truly worthless to him. But… his mother is not all of humanity. His mother isn’t one of those vile creatures. Do you know what he is looking for? Mother dearest. Mama. Mommy. He craves someone who is going to coddle him- baby him. Diego loves special treatment, and there’s nothing more special than family. It’s unconditional. (Meaning it won’t abandon him.) He knows that, logically, his mother will never return to him. Is that going to stop him from looking? No. 

You’re what Diego considers to be what mankind should’ve been- and will be, once he’s taken his rightful place on top of it all. He likely found a Mother-esque darling in the race. You don't have to be motherly, you just have to remind him of his mother. It certainly would help him make the connection, though. You might’ve offered him a bit of your food, or water, or suggested he come sit by the fire you made. What a provider. He scoffs, but obeys, and doesn’t exactly resist your advances- he allows you to drape a blanket over him, and only moves your hand away when you’re “being too handsy.” 

His complex isn’t as apparent as someone like Narancia or God-fucking-forbid Jotaro, in a romantic relationship at least. But in a familial relationship? So evident. He doesn’t even hide the constant comparisons. Diego gets it out of his system via constantly comparing the two of you. You made dinner? Mother did it this way, why don’t you do it like that. Why do you keep your hair so short? It’d look better past your shoulders. 

But it’s different if Diego’s love is romantic. He is insatiable. He’s not going to get in your face about taking care of his every need. That’s not what a lover does. He just reacts very, very well to it. He is baffled by the notion that someone’s brain doesn’t rot at the mention of his name, or at the smell of his cologne. In his point of view, the world is his, and humanity consists only of the pigeons that he must guide- it makes sense that he reacts so well to praise and attention and gifts… He just reacts a little too well to it. That’s all. 

If you got out of his lovely estate- say thank you to his ex wife, you know, someone who actually spoiled him- Diego will hunt you down on one of his prized horses. He truly doesn’t mind travelling for as long as he has to, he cannot allow you to ever leave his sight- God (him) forbid anything happens to you and he isn’t there. Diego isn’t the most protective, he’s actually never felt that way towards anyone else before. Who matters more than him? He just doesn’t want someone else to hurt you.  But you’ll have some privacy. Diego is big on dignity- he loves someone who holds themself with pride. Does that mean that he has shame? No. Call him Dio. Brush his hair, treat him like a king. Hold his face in your hands and give him all the attention he’s craving, love him, adore him.

[hoffmanstits-enjoyer]

Okay, listen. Just gimme a second here on the whys of William Schenk's introduced persona(enormous case building for a headcanon incoming, be warned!).

We could go on and on about the reason of why William decided to present himself as a married man; in the context of evoking a sense of companionship, there's something to be said about the social pressures and the status of being married. Zeke's quick to talk about what being married means to a cop after all— although it's also curious that he presents himself as happily married, a dedicated father while Zeke himself's going through custody fights and a divorce.

It does make me think of what William wants Zeke to understand about him, ready for serious commitment and sharing responsabilities, he's willing to put in the work so to speak. There's a softer, loving and protective side of him — one he hasn't shared with many ever since his father's death, I bet — that he'll gladly show Zeke(and we only see him talk about his fake family with him).

But that's not enough of a motive, so let's go for the angle of what marriage represents.

Marriage's not just a symbolic, romantic act but the union of two citizens, both Zeke and William giving the impression during Spiral that they do perceive it as something that's supposed to be a conscious choice you make that has value, it's worth it; William could've presented himself as married then not just to show that he's 100% for loyalty and commitment but also that he's not that kid Zeke backstabbed Dunleavy for anymore.

He's not William Emmerson and he doesn't need Zeke to protect him or confuse the child he was to the man he is now(which adds another layer to his relishing of Zeke's anger and acceptance of each blow, the rawness of the moment leaves nothing to interpretation, they are in EQUAL standing—); he's evolved since their last time together. Zeke, none the wiser, eases his worries slightly when dismissing William's comment:

"Hey, man, I get it. I wouldn't want to be stuck with a kid either."

[Zeke stops to really look at him.]

"You don't want to be my partner."

Which he says after probably hearing Zeke's commentary(they weren't really trying to be quiet in there) on showing the ropes to a rookie, saying he doesn't want to be a 'nanny'. A subtle poke to Zeke's apparent expectations of him— testing the waters as if to see how much of a problem this will be. It's not about age though, or really about William in itself(as I've theorized in another post) and William proves himself valuable in the little time they have, as evidenced by Zeke's own words.

"Hey, William. Good work today."

There's the 'easiest assumption' that William really just used it as a disguise for the tattoo of his father's name but there's no logical need for a loving wife there. Or a son for that matter— he could've tattooed the name of a sibling Zeke would vaguely hear about or a nephew; it would still hold the weight of someone that William supposedly goes back to when leaving the job, give Zeke a burden to carry in terms of thinking of a young detective with a family that he couldn't save.

So. It makes me think, that perhaps William just holds in himself so much hope for what they can be. So much faith in their connection, there's no one else for him but Zeke and he has known this for years. William's cunning and confident, he doesn't lie to himself about what he knows to be true but there lies an issue— well, isn't it him insisting Zeke's unfortunate predicament isn't an universal truth of life?

[Chuckles] "Just because you’re getting a divorce, it doesn’t mean that everyone else’s marriages have to end, too."

Which roughly matches their earlier talk, when he interjects Zeke's bitter perspective on it:

"'While it lasts'?"

"Nothing happier than the wife of a new detective, nothing more angry than that same bitch ten years later."

"Maybe it’s ’cause you call them bitches."

The same way William's invested in taking Zeke by his shoulders and shoving him out of his defeated attitude towards the corruption in the system and guiding him to action, he's also prodding at Zeke's waning faith in partnership. It's not because his marriage didn't last that Zeke's never going to find the one person capable of staying loyal to him to the end... that he won't realize what he needs is right in front of him.

William's hopeful, obsessively devoted and has specifically planned his killing spree with luring Zeke, having him by his side, in mind… so, if he presents himself as a married man? If his and Zeke's hands rest close together on the table in whatever place they'd stopped for lunch or at Zeke's desk, when they squeeze next to each other to watch the spiral killer's tape, and their golden bands look just about similar enough to be a pair… it's just bound to be.

[it-happened-one-fic]

Bolero - Able to Manage - Strictly NRC Dancing

Author Notes: I'm not gonna lie, I honestly didn't know there was a dance called the bolero until I started this little AU/series. The dance in this fic was very much inspired by a Bolero dance by Pedro and Luísa for ABDS at Salvado. You can watch it on Youtube on the ABDS channel if you're interested. I listened to “You’ll Never Find Another Love Like Mine” by Michael Buble feat Laura Pausini while writing this fic which is also the song that was danced to in the Youtube video. Just like the rest of this AU/series the reader is female for this fic. I hope you enjoy!

If you would like to read more this AU/series, the fics can be found here: Strictly NRC Dancing AU Master-List.

Type: Dance AU/ female-reader/ fluff/ kind of romantic but can be taken as platonic as well

Word Count: 1330

I was being totally honest with Crewel and Trein when I said that I had absolutely no clue that there was a dance called the bolero. I’d honestly always thought of the open-waist jacket when I’d heard the word bolero, which showed what I knew.

It turned out that, other than just being the name of a waist jacket, the bolero was also the name of yet another Latin dance. One that was often mistaken for the rumba. 

The bolero itself reminded me of a strange mixture of the waltz, tango, and rumba. 

It was a slower dance than the rumba and was, according to Trein, often viewed as more romantic. It didn’t possess the tango’s aggression, though, and had Latin elements that the waltz lacked. Additionally, lifts were allowed in the bolero style.

After learning it, I realized that there was also a certain drama to the bolero, usually caused by lengthy arm motions. These exaggerated motions accented the sweeping motions of the dance.

As for being romantic….  Well, I could certainly see where that description came from. The dance allowed plenty of time for the couple to cook up a wonderfully soupy atmosphere between the two of them as they stared into each other's eyes.

Which was why I was delightfully amused to see that my partner was none other than Jamil. One of the least soupy individuals I’d ever met.

Nonetheless, as we took to the floor for the performance, I had no doubt that he would do well and make a stellar score. His grades had skyrocketed after the Scarabia incident as a show of the new supposed rivalry between him and Kalim.

Jamil was no longer holding himself back in any fields, and that included dance. And if Jamil loved anything, it was dancing. So, Jamil would naturally excel in a dance class, even if the subject dance was a particularly mushy one.

The music started with neither of us on stage. A slinky jazz beat that I would have expected more from one of the Octavinelle boys than Jamil. But I didn’t question it too much as I sashayed across the stage to meet Jamil in the middle, where I threw my arms around him in what no doubt appeared to be a loving embrace.

“Think you’ll be able to manage?” His voice sounded in my ear just as he slowly stepped backwards, his charcoal-grey eyes flicking over to meet mine as I frowned slightly. Briefly miffed at the thought of him implying that I wouldn’t be able to keep up, before I realized his actual meaning.

 I’d already danced three times today. First, during my grading with Trein. Next, during the two performances with classmates, first Jade and then later a Pomefiore junior who’d attempted to crush all the toes on my left foot.

I nodded as he slowly began to turn me freely with my barely lifting one leg so that my foot was mere centimeters of the ground and he could spin me without any trouble, “I’ll be fine; this dance isn’t as exhausting as the others.”

 For a brief moment, the young man remained silent as he spun me slowly before he at last nodded.

“Alright,” Was his only response before I looked away and extended one arm and our spinning was accelerated to better enhance the opening of our performance.

The music was still faint, adding a soft, vaguely dreamy feel to the entire performance even as I wrapped my arm back around his shoulders and stepped around in an incredibly small circle with our two bodies pressed infinitely close together.

But we didn’t stay so impossibly close since, as soon as the vocalist’s crooning began, I was spun out so that the two of us were only joined by our hands.

 We looked over towards one another on the spot-lit stage as we both braced for what was going to be a stupidly mushy performance.

But as we slowly began to shift along the floor, the elegant nature of the bolero began to show. It was a dance filled to the brim with graceful sweeping motions that showed how the waltz had its part to play in the formulation of the bolero. 

Ours was an odd performance, though, since the bolero was one of those dances where you stayed very fixated on your partner. And, to be fair, we were very fixated on one another, but me and Jamil didn’t really speak much during our dance, despite the slight urge I felt to snark at the young man who often tossed random jabs or smart remarks my way whenever possible.

Similarly, there were also no soupy looks to be seen between the two of us. Though there was an innate tie that bound the two of us together as we spun elegantly across the floor.

At odds with the other performance that had been laugh-inducing as the dancers had attempted to cook up the right atmosphere, mine and Jamil’s performance was more like how Trein had described the bolero.

As the teacher had put it, the idea of the bolero was to be one with your partner throughout the dance and thus attain that soft, romantic feeling that was supposed to permeate throughout the dance. 

I would never say that me and Jamil had, ‘become one,’ whatever that entailed. But I would say that the two of us did attain a sort of peace and soft tenderness that was usually not found in my interactions with the young man.

But it was strange that once my gaze found Jamil’s, it was oddly hard to look away from those dark eyes of his. 

If a person truly could have a conversation through just exchanged looks and shared glances, then that person would be Jamil. Because even though I’d never noticed it before, he had an incredibly pointed gaze that contained many varied emotions.

Concentration was in that stare, no doubt since we were performing his graded dance. Jamil would never forgive himself if he failed a dancing class of all things. Not when he was so passionate about this art.

But concentration wasn’t the only thing in the charcoal-colored depths of his gaze. No, Jamil’s eyes also held a sort of reassuring steadiness to them that had me growing still more relaxed.

 I hadn’t exactly been on edge before, but as I swirled around the room with Jamil, there was a certain ease to the motions.

As the song came to its lilting end, my hands slipped out of his, and I looped my arms around his neck so that we were spinning a loose embrace where he had one hand placed firmly against my back. And then, as he extended one arm, I let our steady spinning slowly lift me off the ground. 

As our spinning gradually managed to slow even more, I touched back down. He twirled me lightly in front of him until he caught me with his free arm, and I draped myself backwards in a dip just as the final notes faded out of existence and silence filled the room as the spotlight dimmed. Leaving me and Jamil in the darkness, with me still draped over his arm and him leaning over me, his eyes still on mine. 

Applause filled the room as the lights clicked back on. Not the raucous kind that would have left me deafened, but rather the appreciative sort that brought a not-so-subtle smirk to Jamil’s lips as he pulled me back upright, “Looks like you were able to manage.”

 I snorted at his words as I stepped away from him, smiling slightly all the while, “You’re not the only one who can dance, Jamil. Crewel and Trein are very good teachers, and I told you I’d be fine.”

He let out an almost silent snort before we turned, meeting the judges' gazes and receiving approving head nods that already told us that Jamil had, indeed, met expectations and passed.

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[kittykatkatelol2]

"Fake Dating" Jegulus & Bartylus Microfic (Pt 1)

Fake dating AU if not obvious lol- I've been wanting to do a fake dating AU for a long time and I am actually really happy with how it turned out !! :)

Also technically sprouted from the prompt "coffee" by @jegulus-microfic so yeah-- hope you enjoy !

-

James handed Regulus the cup of just brewed coffee, giving him a small half smile.

"So, James, this plan of yours, you say would allow me to make Barty jealous by fake dating you. What would be in it for you? Why would you ever agree to this; what do you want in return?"

James pauses, taking a sip of his cappuccino to give him time to think.

"Well," James starts, "One, I would be able to spend copious amounts of time with you, and two, I might be able to do the same thing you will be doing, for Lily."

"You still like her then?"

"Of course," James lied. He knew a lost cause when he saw it, and there was no way he'd ever land Lily. He'd gotten over her years ago.

James really wanted Regulus to feel the same way he felt.

In love with the other, but James knew Regulus felt nothing romantic about him, just his brother's annoying friend, but maybe, just maybe, if they went at this 'fake dating' thing for long enough, he would have a shot at Regulus's heart before Barty takes it completely.

Regulus nods, taking a sip from his plain black coffee, thinking over this.

"If you really are up to it, then sure. But there will be ground rules, for the both of us. Do we have a deal, Potter?"

James wished Regulus would call him James, not just his last name, but said nothing about it and just said, "We have a deal, Regulus."

. . .

They had both made their ground rules - AKA boundaries - and were set to start. Around a month or two into James's fifth year (Regulus's fourth), they started their show.

Whenever Barty was around, a known gossip such as Rita Skeeter, or anyone could let the rumors spread, they would let slip the smallest of hand holding, nice words whispered in a way that their words would carry over to listeners, small shows of affection, so on so forth.

James's feelings for Regulus only got stronger for the months they did this, their shows getting more and more noticable to people, gaining glances from some, whispers from others.

He just wished he knew how Regulus felt, how he was feeling about this whole ordeal; if Regulus would ever see him as more than a fake partner, in reality an annoying person he was forced to hang around. He wished he could tell, but alas, he could not.

So they continued this show for nearly a year, when finally after weeks of glares from the Slytherin Skittles as they called themselves, most noticeable of the bunch, Barty, Regulus finally decided to take things into his own hands and make a scene for all to see.

. . .

It was one of the infamous Slytherin Common Room parties. Either everyone was drunk, or dancing, or both. Gryffindors, Slytherins, Ravenclaws, even a few Hufflepuffs were there, having the time of their lifes.

All eyes were on James and Regulus who were together, Regulus made sure Barty was watching, before giving James the most passionate kiss he could manage.

James, unaware that Barty was even watching, gave all that he had to Regulus in that moment, forgetting in the heat of it all that it was in fact, not real. That it was just a show, and thing to play with his and Barty's heartstrings.

When they finally broke away, hands on each other, looking deep into each others' eyes; James had never been more in love.

They both felt the stares of all people in the room who weren't past out.

James was finally snapped back to reality, his heart completely broken all over again when Regulus leaned over into his ear and whispered, "We did it. We broke him. Now I just got to go pick up the pieces. Thank you, Potter."

James's world collapsed in on itself, numb and frozen as Regulus moved out of his grip to go find Barty, who had since left because of the kiss.

It had felt so real to James.. But now he knew there was nothing but a show to Regulus.

James quickly excused himself, leaving the party entirely to maybe find Remus or Peter to talk to. Or to just cry alone in a corner somewhere. Both were reasonable enough options, he just needed to leave, now.

Which he did.

Because now he knew, his feelings were all but onesided, and there was little hope to change that.

James Potter loved Regulus Black, but there was nothing he could do for him to love him back.

-

[Word count: 747]

[starz4valen]

queers im fucking lost come save me

ok but in all seriousness,

despite labeling myself as aroace for a hot minute and finding comfort in that label and the community for a time—shit doesnt feel quite right anymore.

i have had ONE EX. one.

i genuinely think i was in love with him. i only felt what i felt with him,,,WITH HIM. nobody else. I felt the butterflies/giddiness, i loved his laugh, his smile, hearing him, his jokes, all the names he would call me, how much he said he loved me, our late night discord calls, having him around, just. him. when he rarely spoke abt shit that was bothering him it hurt me so bad, like i would hurt with him. and the mere THOUGHT of ME hurting him made me wanna sob.

as you can probably guess by the fact we’re exes, we’re not together anymore. it hurts. hell, my stomach tangled a bit as i typed that out. (could be cause recently someone who used to be a friend went and dated him and then got upset at me for getting upset at them but this ain't abt them.)

we broke up in like june last year, and i felt so fucking horrible about it bc it basically ended w him yelling at me over text at how horrible i am at listening and how i treated him more like a therapist—which i will admit i did. i sucked for that. it makes sense why tho, i was working through a lot of shit at the time, doesn’t justify it at all though. i should’ve treated him better. im desperately trying to fix it in my current relationships so that never happens again.

then again, he also treated me badly. he said things that really fucked with my sense of trust in people and just made me scared to get close with anyone like that ever again, or in general bc i was convinced everyone had some ulterior motive w me or secretly didnt give a shit abt me—but also i felt *I* was the problem. like every relationship im in is gonna end horribly bc im just that bad. its taken a lot to say that i feel loved by and trust my current friends, as well as trying to recognize that I deserve love, and im glad i can say that im getting better ^^

but,,,idk anymore

i concluded i was aroace almost a year after we broke up. there were a couple reasons. for one, i only really got that close w him. i dont really know if ive had a crush or what that feels like—in fact i think i faked one in elementary, the whole reason i got w my ex was bc he was flirting w me and it made me feel nice. (also bc i was worried he would be my only shot at love but i digress) i feel off when people talk about heading to poundtown or anything like that, the same with crushes—just crushes tho relationships i totally get—and i still struggle to wrap my head around attraction and how people just can look at someone without even knowing them at ALL and go “you. i want you.”

i wrote off how i felt when i was with him as simply some non-romantic form of attraction and called it a day.

but recently ive been reflecting on that, and i think i was wrong. the way that even now i get all these emotions by merely talking abt my ex says something. how upset seeing that "friend" going ahead and dating him after barely knowing him and just how angry i was says something. the way i cried seeing my best friend get a whole small crate of presents from their partner for their bday bc i was THAT JEALOUS says something. the way i yearn for affection and to be loved again says something. the way im starting to miss being in love again says something. the way i would always want some sort of relationship—even when i identified as aroace—but just never thought it would happen bc i didn't feel pretty enough, or mentally well enough, deserving of one, or like id ever be lucky enough to find someone who makes me feel that way again and how scared and sad that makes me,,,says something.

now in terms of poundtown—legit dunno. closest to that I've done w anyone was neck kisses from my ex, which i did really enjoy—but also i legit identified as ace like the whole time we were together and the few times he made jokes like that i felt uncomfy. plus the only way i feel i could be ok w going further w something like that is if its either excessively gentle or the most unserious thing ever. so tbh if i had to take a guess on how i feel abt that—not too keen on it.

I'm debating a couple labels, bi, aroace, bi and ace, demirose, and demirose and bi, but tbh i feel bi kinda fits the most? (maybe???) but also it doesn't. idk if its the fear of opening my mind to me being in a relationship despite my fear of intimacy and commitment or just that I'm aroace and this is my brain telling me to stop overthinking shit—but i know i wanna figure this shit out

if anyone has like legit any words of advice PLEASE send it my way. i will take even the tiniest crumb of guidance cause i am more lost than a child in ikea.

thanks to anyone who read all this <3

[ashenlavellan]

45 Facts about Bellatrix Deirdre Shepard

hi there - I've been heavily thinking about my beloved Bellatrix Shepard and felt like she needs more of an introduction and background when compared to my dear Lorelei Ryder, who has a full-blown series that we're halfway through... so, buckle up fuckers. ^.^

Also - this will consist of SFW and NSFW facts about her.

She's a February Pisces (February 22nd, 2154)

She has a younger brother, Sirius Cillian Shepard - who is a May Taurus (May 1st 2158)

She has 11 tattoos - four of which were gang-related to the Reds, to which she eventually had covered up. (the list will be placed below the first 45)

She was born in Galway, Ireland - she's an Irish gal.

Her face-model is based off of a mix between Olivia Wilde/Phoebe Tonkin

(Above is Olivia Wilde/Below is Phoebe Tonkin)

6. She is a raging bisexual and isn't afraid to express her interest in men and women.

7. She was known as the "Snake," within the Reds for her literal flexibility and metaphorically when it came to adjusting people's perception of her. (She easily adapts to situations and purposely plays on peoples' opinions of her)

8. She graduated at the top of her class during the N7 program without an official high-school diploma/GED/etc.

9. On the IQ scale, she scored 130 - which is measured as "Moderately-gifted"

10. She experienced substance withdrawals during her time in boot camp - she was a heavy user of marijuana as a teenager.

11. The only friend who has known her the longest that she keeps in touch with is a woman she met in boot camp - Asahi Nakamura. Asahi knows more about Bellatrix than Anderson, who become a father-like figure for her.

12. Alexander Ryder, father of Lorelei and Magnus Ryder, was appointed as her mentor for the N7 program - to which he stated that Bellatrix would be his first and last mentee.

13. Bellatrix could be described as Chaotic Neutral (at least) while Chaotic Good (at best). Out of all my personal characters, she is the most morally-gray.

14. She’s an alternative music/rocker kind of gal - she’ll listen to Bad Omens, Sleep Token, and Stone Sour. She much prefers earlier music to most of the stuff released during [her] present day.

15. Her parents’ death drastically changed her mental state - she was a fairly happy child, but due to those events, she closed herself off emotionally… especially when it comes to romantic partners.

16. Unknown to the public, she has a sister-in-law (albeit they don’t even know that she has a brother), and that she’s also an aunt.

17. Her niece, Deirdre, was named after her - Deirdre is her middle name. The first person to hold her (except Sirius and Andromeda) was Bellatrix, who was present at the hospital.

18. She was in a romantic relationship with Dr. Harry Carlyle’s younger sister, Evelyn Carlyle. However, this relationship was unknown to many.

19. Bellatrix is more of a cat-person; they’re much smaller and can comfortably lay on her lap while she’s working and some other reasons.

20. Her dream vacation is to visit Japan after hearing about all of the attractions and places that her friend, Asahi, told her about during their time in boot camp.

21. Her pain tolerance is fairly above average; she hardly experienced too much discomfort during her time getting tattooed. The one that hurt the most was her back, but due to how long it was being worked on as well as it being a cover-up.

22. Not many know, but she secretly enjoys reading paper copies or romance/fantasy books. They’re an escape for her from reality.

23. Many think her to be a pessimist, but she’s actually a realist. She’s seen too much shit to be optimistic, but she’s been proven wrong enough times to not be pessimistic…

24. She falls head over heels for Kaidan; he sees right through her facade around the crew and that she has her walls up for reasons, but the fact that he calls her out and still stands beside her is one of the reasons why she falls for him.

25. Kaidan may have fallen for her first, but Bellatrix fell harder - that’s for damn sure.

26. Bellatrix may seem like the worst role-model for children with her attitude, but she raised Sirius and spent time around Lorelei and Magnus Ryder as teenagers; she knows how to deal and work with kids since she had to raise one when she was a pre-teen.

27. Due to her childhood and teenage years, Bellatrix is fairly skilled at styling/cutting hair since she had to do her own and didn’t trust the others within the Reds. She also learned some tips from her friend, Asahi.

28. Out of the entire crew (ME1) and besides Kaidan, she’s closest to Garrus and Liara. (ME2) She is close with Jack, Kasumi, and Thane as well (Unbeknownst to her, Thane developed feelings for her). (ME3) James got to know her well and became good friends before the events since he was assigned to watch over her during house arrest and her relationship is rekindled with Kaidan - she’s good friends with everyone, but the ones listed know her really well.

29. Had she not romanced Kaidan or moved on from him, she likely would have gotten together with Thane since she felt a faint spark with him as time went on. He also saw through her facade, which took her off guard yet in a different approach. (When compared to Kaidan).

30. Bellatrix occasionally drinks, but she has not smoked and/or consumed marijuana since she joined the Systems Alliance - she does not want to take the chance of relapsing.

31. She’s a side-sleeper and unless Kaidan is in bed with her, she’s a light sleeper too. If he’s with her, she’s not a heavy sleeper, but it does take a little bit more to wake her up.

32. She’s a morning person; she’s used to waking up early and getting to work, rather than being a night owl and wasting precious time to sleep.

33. Her mom was murdered by her father, who then killed himself (he did so out of fear/paranoia due to his enormous debt with loan sharks) - she was ten years old while Sirius was only six. They were both coming home from their last day of school.

34. She hated all of the nickname variants of her given name and it was all that was used during her time within the Reds. She hates being called Bella and/or Trixie.

35. The only nickname that she’s open to is one that Kaidan suggests when she wants to be unrecognizable and that is “Ellie,” which she had never been called that before.

NSFW Facts |

36. Bellatrix is open to BDSM - specifically bondage and overstimulation, whether it’s herself or her partner. This goes into overdrive once she’s with Kaidan, who can restrain her with his biotics.

37. When it comes to women and men, she’s an ass woman - she’s got plenty of boobs and albeit they’re nice, she loves digging her nails and leaving marks as well as smacking her partner’s ass.

38. Although she loves biting, she loves hickeys way more and loves giving and receiving them. Her favorite places to have them [on her] are her breasts or thighs.

39. It takes quite a bit of time to get her close to orgasming and very few have succeeded. She finds out that she absolutely loves back-to-back orgasms and the only lover that has been successful to do that is Kaidan.

40. She’s not too fond of quickies since that’s what most of her teenage trysts consisted of and with how difficult it is for her to orgasm already, it’s another reason why she dislikes them.

41. When she’s truly enjoying herself, she has a hard time with volume control. The only times she ever experienced this was with Evelyn and then Kaidan - to which Kaidan, experimentally, gagged her and she enjoyed it even more.

42. A kink that she never knew she enjoyed [receiving] is body worship and Kaidan is a worshipper. He is meticulous when it comes to pleasuring her before the main event - he’ll get her to orgasm multiple times with his fingers, mouths and toys if she’s feeling adventurous.

43. She’s not really a fan degrading within the bedroom, whether it’s being the degrader or degradee… she has poor experiences with it during her early adulthood when exploring herself and she disliked it afterwards.

44. Rarely did she give up control/dominance within the bedroom, but there are moments between Kaidan and Bellatrix where she releases the reins and he steps in. (The whole… “you’re the boss, except when you’re not… come and find me.” convo. really got her going)

45. Bellatrix is particular about her hair, but when it comes to the bedroom - she wants Kaidan to pull her by the hair, whether she’s going down on him, they’re kissing, or he’s leaving marks on her neck. She loves her hair being pulled and loves tugging on Kaidan’s hair.

Mini - count: Bellatrix’s Tattoos

1] On her right hand, the word “DEATH” is written with each letter on each finger (technically knuckle). She’s got a heavy right hook when she throws a punch.

2] She has symbols on her back to tie in her connection with the Reds, but she covered it up with an oriental dragon done in dark-red ink. (Cover-up)

3 and 4] She has her and her brother’s namesake tattooed underneath her collarbones. Canis Major (her brother’s star) and Orion (her star).

5] She has a crescent moon tattooed onto her sternum, in-between her breasts.

6 and 7] She has matching designs on her ribcage (sides) of the moon phases. (waxing on one side, waning on the other)

8] There was a snake tattooed on her left index-finger (gang-related) and she had it covered up to look like a ring of thorns. (Cover-up)

9] On her left bicep, she has a half-sleeve design of a woman dressed in grecian clothes; it's Medusa, where half of her face is human while the other is Gorgon.

10] Behind her left ear was a small, red star that was gang-related and she covered it up with a red azalea. (Cover-up)

11. Left hip/thigh were more markings tied to the Reds - massive cover-up by having a female Dullahan wielding a scythe. (Cover-up)

[cookiewoli]

Moon's whisperer - chap 3

"So? Well? What did you say to each other?"

Panah waved her legs back and forth under the table. This annoyed Elsie, but out of respect she said nothing. Panah's energy was annoying for once; she stared at her intently with a big, goofy smile..

She finished her mouthful of meat and sighed:

"Nothing much. I just mentioned my life in Sandrock."

The day before, Elsie had shed every tear in her body when she confided in Cassius. That idiot. She'd rather have told Panah, maybe she'd have comforted her, or said something. Cassius, on the other hand, said nothing. But he just listened until the end. When Elsie finished crying, he walked her back to her tent, retrieved his jacket, and said:

"See ya."

She didn't know how to react. Maybe, inside, he was laughing at her, at seeing her cry. Or maybe he didn't care about her story. Or both? Both, no doubt.

"Panah… I was wondering, why don't you stop defending Cassius in every situation?"

Elsie stared intently at Panah. She jerked her head back, as if she hadn't expected the question. She deflected her gaze several times, before looking Elsie straight in the eye.

"What do you mean by that?

-You're always saying how nice he is, that we shouldn't hold his behavior against him, that we should get to know him…"

Panah's cheeks began to flush. She let out nervous little giggles; it was clear she was uncomfortable.

"I say that because this morning he smashed one of the merchants to the ground, for some reason. With him, it doesn't take much to piss him off… What's your excuse this time?

-Maybe he was… He was in a bad mood? Or maybe the merchant did something to him!

-You see, Panah? You're defending him again!"

Elsie pounded her fist on the table. Sure, she was a lot younger than Panah, but she wasn't dumb. Panah clearly seemed to have feelings (whatever they were) for Cassius. But what were they? Pity? Friendship? Amusement? Love…?

"I… It's just that… Everyone keeps calling him with every rude name that exist. Everyone sees him as a freak, ass*ole, no one wants to go near him, and that's why he's always alone. On top of that, all the boys in the camp hate him just because he has a certain popularity with the girls…"

Panah had lowered the tone of her voice for this last sentence. She sipped her berry juice, looking off into the distance.

"His… Popularity with the girls?

Elsie repeated.

-Hmm… you know… He's not… He's… He's kinda…

-Handsome? Is that what you're going to say?

Panah spat out her mouthful of juice.

-No! Well, yes a little! I wouldn't have said it like that…"

Elsie thought about it. She thought about him, visualized him in her head. Physically, he's very tall and muscular. His hair looks soft, the fact that it's badly combed adds to its charm, his eyes are bright as a flame, his voice is deep and imposing… His earrings and low-tied ponytail suit him perfectly. Yeah. He's handsome. Elsie thought so. But aside from his good looks, he's a jerk.

"If he's so popular with the girls, why is he always alone? He never has company."

Panah rested her elbows on the table and ran her hands through her hair. That face, that sigh, Elsie already knew her next phrase. "It's complicated."

"It's complicated…

Bingo.

"Let's just say he's someone who appreciates… Temporary company.

Elsie didn't seem to understand. Seeing her expression, Panah searched for better words.

-A certain kind of company.

Elsie didn't react.

-One-night stand."

Elsie opened her mouth slightly to make a little "oh" before turning red. Strangely, this didn't surprise her coming from Cassius. Anyone would be popular with his appearance.

"I… I see. But… Do his partners know? That he… Has many partners?

-They all know. Cassius makes it clear that there are no romantic feelings involved. So in itself, it's not cheating I suppose…?"

To tell the truth, Elsie didn't know much about the subject. Love? The… "One-night stand." In Sandrock, apart from couples who'd already been together for years, she'd never had the opportunity to see the creation of a couple. But… what is a couple? What is love? What about cheating ? When does it start? Elsie shook her thoughts from her head and left, having finished her berry juice and dish. She seemed confused.

That evening, there was the usual gathering around the campfire. It was reminiscent of Sandrock gatherings in front of the town hall, or at the blue saloon listening to Owen's incredible stories. Ah, how she missed those gatherings. She even missed the arguments between Cooper and Hugo, and wanted so much to hear X's screams again, or Pen bragging about how perfect he was.

The meals were already ready, and everyone ate and drank to their hearts' content, laughing and chatting happily. Elsie always sits next to Panah, since she's the one with whom she has the most affinity. But her role as leader means that she has to pay attention to the whole group, one by one. She doesn't always get a chance to chat with Elsie. But she doesn't mind. She ate her yakmel ribs in silence. At first, eating them disturbed her, as she imagined the poor ranch yakmels on her plate. But hey. You've got to eat! She glanced over at Cassius, who stood across the fire from her in the distance. He was sitting next to a girl, a bottle of alcohol in his hand and a lollipop in his mouth. She couldn't hear their conversation, but the girl seemed very tactile with him. She was stroking his arm, ruffling his hair, talking into his ear… Cassius didn't react, but he didn't refuse. At one point he put his arm around her shoulders, smiling. But… That smile didn't seem real. He seemed to have a look… Empty. But maybe Elsie was just imagining things. Cassius wasn't someone who showed much emotion after all.

Towards the end of the meal, she glanced again in Cassius's direction. The girl, still at his side, grabbed his hand and spoke into his ear. Cassius laughed nervously, but the duo got up together and left. Elsie thought back to the discussion she'd had with Panah that morning. She had an idea what they were going to do this evening… It's impossible to not blushing when thinking about this. This kind of thing… Is embarrassing.

Tired, she got up to go to her tent, but froze in place. Her tent is right next to Cassius'. And he's doing some… Activities. Probably noisy. Elsie quickly turned around and returned to her seat around the fire. Panah noticed her strange attitude.

"Are you all right, Elsie?

-Y-yes! Perfectly!"

Panah turned to her. She noticed that Elsie was all red, with a panicked look on her face. She kept playing with her hands, looking around and stamping her feet on the floor…

"You don't look well. Do you want to talk about it?

She hesitated for a moment.

-Um… Cassius left with a girl, and, uh… I don't dare go to my tent.

Panah gave a nervous laugh. She'd taken the hint.

-I promise I'll find you another tent… Like I said, nobody wants to be near Cassius because of the noise. And when I said that the first time, I meant two kinds of noise."

Time passed. Elsie had time to chat with other members of the camp. She had eaten a little more and was now full. She saw Cassius' companion back around the fire, but… Alone. She had a big smile, her hair a little dishevelled, but she quickly put it back in place with the help of her friends.

"Someone got lucky tonight, as usual."

Exclaimed someone nearby.

"Fucking chad."

"He doesn't deserve this much affection."

"Pfft, he's all about looks."

Elsie was hearing all kinds of remarks. And she knew very well who was the subject of them…

Indeed, everyone here seemed to hate Cassius.

Having had enough, she got up and headed for her tent.

||

||

She passed Cassius's tent, and thought she heard a noise. It was like… Anyway, she didn't know and didn't want to know. But curiosity got the better of her, and she opened the tent to take a look inside. Cassius was sitting on the ground, bottle in hand and… He was crying. Elsie couldn't take her eyes off him. So he has emotions… she thought. But why is he crying? Did the evening go badly? Yet his partner seemed satisfied…

"I'm fed up…" he whispered, bringing the bottle to his mouth.

His sobs were light, as if he was careful not to be heard.

Elsie had to do something? Intervene? Comfort him? But if she did that, it would be to admit she was spying on him… She closed the tent and started to take a few steps away, but stopped dead in her tracks. She couldn't leave him there like that! Should she go and see Panah? No, no… She couldn't handle all his problems for her. Elsie had to stop depending on her for all her choices and actions. She turned, then turned back, before freezing and turning around. To go? Not go? Do something? Do nothing and pretend she hadn't seen anything?

She had no time to think as the tent opened. Cassius stepped out, wiping away his tears. Elsie stiffened on the spot. Uh-oh… He looked at her, eyes wide, when he realized she'd been there since… He didn't know when. His face tightened, and he said in a loud tone:

"When did you get here?!

-Um… Since…

She didn't dare answer. You have to take responsibility for your actions… It's not an easy thing.

-SINCE WHEN?

She gasped when he raised his voice. She looked down at her feet.

-A few minutes! 1 or 2!

Cassius seemed to be seething with rage.

-What did you see?!

-N-nothing…

Elsie shifted her gaze to the side. Of course she was lying. Cassius threw his empty bottle into the distance. The sound of crashing was heard. The tension was rising dangerously. Elsie found the courage to raise her head and face his gaze. It was terrifying.

-Cassius, if you want to talk about it, you can…

-It's not your business!

He shouted. Elsie wanted nothing more than to leave. But she wanted what was best for him, to know what was bothering him, even if it was none of her business. She had to stay. She couldn't leave him like that. She stared at him intensely. There was no escape. Even though she could feel her whole body trembling.

-GET.LOST.

He'd never looked so imposing. He stood straight in front of her, his shadow covering her entirely. His gaze was inflamed, enraged. But you could still see the red marks under his eyes, a sign that he had been crying. Elsie was more than determined to stay here. Cassius shouted even louder:

"LEAVE! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! Leave me alone!

-I just… Just wanted to help…! I thought we… We'd become buddies. Friends support each other, don't they?

-We're not buddies! I'm not with anyone, and I never will be. Now lea-

He stopped dead in his tracks as Elsie released her first tear. She seemed terrified and offended. As if this truth had just destroyed her.

The tears continued to flow. Between sobs, she said:

-I… I was… Was beginning to think that maybe you were a good person.

She didn't even bother to wipe her face. She nodded:

-Maybe I was wrong… And that you really are a heartless freak who only cares about himself.

-Elsie… I didn't mea-

He'd lost the words. His throat tightened. This was the first time it had happened, he was now unable to produce any sound at all.

-I'm leaving now. I just wanted to be nice."

She pulled a lollipop from her pocket and threw it at his feet, before disappearing in a fraction of a second, still crying.

Cassius saw her off in the distance, away from their tents.

He screwed up. He acted like an ass-ole. Just like everyone else. He picked up the lollipop from the floor and stared at it sadly. Elsie had only been here a few days, but she was already trying to make friends with him. Usually, people called him an ass*ole and never spoke to him again. But she… She wanted to get closer. But why? He's cold but hot-blooded, he doesn't know how to do anything but mess around, fight, drink and be the life of the party. She didn't deserve to be terrorized by him, when she was the only one (along with Panah) who looked for good in him.

He returned to his tent, his head bowed. It was the first time he'd ever been angry at himself for acting this way. Usually, he's proud to go and piss other people off. He's used to people hating him. Maybe that's why he felt a pain in his heart. Maybe he didn't want Elsie to start hating him. But it's probably too late, he thought.

previous chapter <-

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[gailstorm]

1. What type of criminal would you be?

I like to think that I'd be some heist mastermind, but there would probably be one really dumb kink in my overly-elaborate plan that would get me caught immediately.

2. What are you listening to right now?

Siouxsie Sioux

3. If you had to choose a stripper name, what would it be?

My dancing friends and I had joke stage names (well...some of ours were jokes, some were serious). Mine was Dahlia, so I think I'd go with that.

4. If your phone started ringing, who would you hope is calling?

One of my friends, my mom, or grandmother

5. Do you drink?

Very rarely

6. Do you smoke?

No

7. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

How close in proximity they are to me, their body language, what they're doing

8. Do you get attached easily?

No. It's very, very rare.

9. Do you like your eye color?

Yeah, brown eyes are my favorite (not a butthole joke)

10. Have any stupid human tricks?

Plenty

11. Humor me. What physical ideal do you imagine in a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner?

I like big guys...that's about the only consistent theme. I've been attracted to men of different heights, builds, coloring, etc, but I need a man to have some meat on his bones. And I like super-feminine women.

12. What type of personality traits do you look for in a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner?

Compassion, honesty, empathy, respect, a decent sense of humor...

13. Any other essential quirks/interests/other you look for in a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner?

They HAVE to have great hygiene and be good in bed. These are absolute deal-breakers.

14. Any romantic gestures you really like?

I love physical affection more than anything

15. Any sexual fantasies? Are you daring enough to share one?

Yes, I have them, and no, I'm not going to share.

16. Have you ever been in love?

Three times. I've been in love with the same man for almost a decade now, even though I'm not with him. I don't know if I can fall in love again. I hope I can.

17. Do you have a crush/romantic interest in anyone?

See last answer.

18. What’s your sexual orientation (if you feel comfortable answering)?

Bisexual, but heteroromantic. My favorite people in the world are women, I have mostly women friends, I'm attracted to women, I love everything about femininity, and I feel super-feminine myself...but for whatever reason, I've only fallen in love with men.

19. What’s your favorite color and why?

Black's my all-time favorite, but I've really been into purple lately

20. What was your most embarrassing moment?

I've probably blocked it out. I'm guessing it was something cruel that my brother did to me in front of his friends.

21. Do you ever wish you were someone else?

Not that I was a different person, but I've wished that I had a different life, especially when I was younger.

22. What were you like when you were a kid?

I was a scared, abused little girl. Books and movies were my escape, so I mainly stayed inside of the house and let those fictional worlds envelope me. I would also study music videos and learn the choreography...that's how I learned how to dance.

23. What would your dream house be like?

The "Practical Magic" house

24. What last made you laugh?

my dog, Jack

25. Do you have a place you like to go to collect your thoughts?

My balcony overlooks Chenal Valley, and it's (usually) incredibly peaceful. It's a great place to gain some perspective.

26. What is your favorite/least favorite word?

This changes all the time

27. What turns you on?

There's nothing sexier than someone who is completely comfortable with who they are...and this has nothing to do with arrogance (which is usually masking a deep self-hatred). Truly confident people don't have to pretend anything, or pose, or make anyone else feel inferior. They are usually laid-back, honest, kind to others, and walk with good posture. Very sexy.

28. What turns you off?

Bigotry, rudeness, disrespect, and/or bad hygiene dry me up like the Sahara in about 2.5 seconds.

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

Yes

30. Would you go bungee jumping/sky diving if given the chance?

Absolutely not

31. Do you have any siblings?

One

32. Do you like to dance?

Dancing has been one of the great loves of my life

33. What is your definition of cheating?

I won't give a blanket definition, because I think it's different for everyone. People in a relationship should decide on guidelines, what they each constitute as cheating, and if either one steps outside of those boundaries, then they're cheating. I personally wouldn't do anything that I wouldn't want my partner to do.

34. Have you ever stolen anything?

Yes, but not since my senior year in high school.

35. Do you regret anything?

I regret not studying abroad in Barcelona when I had the opportunity. I blew it off so I wouldn't have to leave my boyfriend. I was 21 and stupid, lol.

36. Do you have any phobias?

Yes

37. Ever broken any bones?

my tailbone and the fourth toe on my right foot

38. Ever come close to death?

I was in a bad car wreck 17 years ago, when a drunk driver rear-ended me on the interstate. In 2012, my ex pulled a gun on me and threatened to kill us both. Those two were the closest.

39. What is your religion/spirituality, if any?

I don't have a simple definition for it. I've heard the term agnostic theism, in which someone believes that there is some sort of deity or force or pattern to the universe, but doesn't know what it is. I guess I'm closest to that.

40. Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist?

No, but I should.

41. Are looks important in a relationship?

Overall attraction is more important than just good looks. There are plenty of beautiful people out there that I'm not at all attracted to...and some that aren't "traditionally" attractive that I find sexy as hell.

42. Are you more like your mom or your dad?

I would say that in demeanor, I'm much more like my father. I also share his love of music, but my mom and I have more similar interests otherwise. All three of us had similar senses of humor.

43. What is your favorite season?

Fall, of course

44. Do you have any tattoos?

Five

45. Do you have any piercings?

one in each ear

46. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

Three major relationships with some dating in between

47. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?

No, but I've had crushes on the actors playing them.

48. What is your favorite thing to do?

talk and laugh with people I love

49. If you could visit one place outside of your hometown, where would it be?

This is tough. I have a deeply-ingrained romanticism with the English countryside (blame my literature degree), so maybe the Lake District. But I want to actually move to Norway, so...

50. Do you get jealous easily?

I wish that I were never jealous, but I feel like when I AM jealous, it’s almost always justified. This is only in regards to romantic relationships, by the way. I don't envy anyone else's lifestyle or money or any of that nonsense.

[slocumjoe]

Sole survivor posting jumpscare

Her name is Isadora Vaz Yamada (Often called Ivy), she's from Florianopolis, Brazil. The green and blue makeup is based off of peacocks, which she kept as pets growing up.

She went to C.I.T for college, becoming top of her class in robotics. Ivy is actually the inventor/mom of the Assaultatrons! She sold the patent to Robco and forever bitches about how they screwed up the coding. Her robots wouldn't have gone haywire 200 years later—Codsworth is proof of that. She made him from scrapped Mr. Handys for a class project. The Assaultatrons were made while drafted out in China, where she served as a combat engineer.

Some more details on her bc I love her sm

Romances Danse. Her last relationship was traumatic and put her off romance, and Danse had all his shit going on, so it took a long fuckin time for them to talk and figure things out

Isadora grew up rich. I think her family might have owned tourist resorts and such? Like, a family that's very concerned with interior decor, and the make and build of furniture. She had two sisters and brother, but wasn't very close with any of them. Wasn’t tight-knit with her parents, either. They didn't have a bad relationship, but she was just a very different person from them. No ill will, but they just didn't get her at all.

People not seeing her nuance and complexities would follow her throughout her life. She was a very open and bold person, but people tended to see her only as an eccentric STEM. Most of her romantic or sexual partners didn't try to really listen to her either, which would be a major insecurity for her as she grew older.

You know how someone can love you, but...only what they think you could be? Or what you are on the surface, and no deeper? That's Isa and her relationships, platonic or otherwise. So even though she's social and emotionally vulnerable, she was never able to have intimate, personal relationships. She feeds into it sometimes, and often feels like a performer acting herself on stage for everyone else.

Her biggest flaw would definitely be a sense of superiority. Since many people in her life were shallow, she falls into the trap of "I'm not like other girls", except...for everyone? Grew out of some of it during the military, as she aged, but definitely was made bitter, and grandstands as a defense.

Has a tendency to talk down to people, will use a baby voice to address the factions. She's leader of the Institute and Minutemen, able to form an alliance with the RR and BOS, as shaky as it is. Her baby-talking towards Desdemona and Maxson doesn't help tensions. But the Institute also hates her, so at least they all agree on something.

Very tall, 6 3". Athletic, dorito-body build. Broad shoulders, narrow waist and hips, big thighs and legs.

1 STR, 7 PER, 3 END, 6 CHR, 6 INT, 4 AGI, 1 LCK. She's all brainpower. Her CHR and INT i level up, so it's actually higher, but that's her base stats.

Uses a sniper rifle, a sawed off double barrel shotgun, and an automatic Institute laser rifle (for the blue lasers)

She's a rum aunt type. Will help you pick out clothes while telling you why you should dump him

Pansexual

Pro-synth because machine or not, she loves robots and treats them with the same respect as humans. Considers the Assaultatrons and Codsworth her children as much as Shaun

Almost cries when they have to put down a haywire Assaultatron

Pretty unflinching, nothing really shocks her or makes her pause. Then Far Harbor happened and shot her nerves to shit

Renames Shaun's synth kid to Julian, deeply encourages him to be his own person and understand that he is an individual, not a copy or fake. Very affectionate to him all the same, he reminds Ivy of her brother when he was young.

Didnt really...care...when Shaun died. She didn't want to have him, but she did love her baby. Shaun wasn't her baby, he was his father's son. Ivy has a lot of guilt over these feelings, and doesn't bring them up to anyone.

[seob-i]

𝚁𝚎𝚏𝚕𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 {𝙾𝙲'𝚜 𝚇 𝙵𝚎𝚖! 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛}

1. The Beginning

Hello! My name is [Last name] [Name], I live in korea with my father. We often move to different cities because of his job. But now, we moved into a new city and new neighborhood which we would be living in for much more longer. (⁠人⁠ ⁠•͈⁠ᴗ⁠•͈⁠)

I'm pretty smart myself, I get good grades and make friends quickly, cooking is my specialty and staying in the arcade to blow off some Steam is routine.

.. you're wondering why I'm not commenting on my looks huh? Well, the truth is..I have no reflection. Yes, I'm not kidding! I can't see my self whenever I look at the mirror or a picture of myself.

No, I'm not a Vampire (haha..) , people can see me in mirrors and in photos pretty well. So only I can't see myself. Every woman in my mother's side has this 'Blessing' but I think this is a curse.

I can't even even see if I have a stain on my mouth, my teeth, or if my hair is messy. Do I even have hair? Just kidding, Of course but I can't see it. (⁠〒⁠﹏⁠〒⁠)

Asking my friends if I look okay has always been a habit, they always find it funny or amusing thinking that I'm insecure. I'm not even sure if I should be insecure, I can't see myself after all.

The women in my mother's side calls this a blessing because, since you don't know what you look like, either pretty or ugly, you'll know if your future partner would actually love you for your personality not your looks.

Even though it sounds romantic, it's a hassle.

ᴗᴗᴗᴗᴗᴗᴗᴗᴗᴗᴗᴗᴗᴗᴗᴗᴗᴗᴗᴗᴗᴗᴗᴗᴗᴗᴗᴗ

Today is my first day of School before entering the building I open my messages.

Mother Dearest ꒪⁠ヮ꒪⁠

[Name]

"I'm going to school now, any words of encouragementt?"

'She left me on read.' I blink and sighed, upset. I'm assigned to a student who used to be a school officer last year named Amara Im to show me around the school. Shaking my thoughts away, I made my way to Amara and let her introduce me to the new place I'll be learning in.

After that we sat in our classroom, 15 minutes early. Everyone was seated down or mingling with other students as well, enjoying their time with eachother.

Me and Amara was sitting down in my seat which some how fit the two of use while chatted.

"We also have a school ranking system based on your grades. Like, if you get a 99 or even a 100 on all your subjects you'll be placed on rank 1, for 98 you'll get second, for 97 you'll get fourth, so on and so forth." Amara explained handing you a list of the school ranking system last year.

"What if your name is isn't in the ranking system?" "It means you got a line of 8 on all of your subjects, it's still a good grade, the ranking system was only made so colleges can see the students grades and they can give offers to them." I nodded listening intently.

"Now that I've explained the Schools common info, I'm going to give you an introduction at our class! I know a few of them since we've been classmates since last year!" "Introduction?" "Mm, let's start with me." (⁠ ⁠´⁠◡⁠‿⁠ゝ⁠◡⁠'⁠)

"My name is Im Amara, I'm half American and Half Korean. I'm rank 3 and I like spicy food." She points to herself with her thumb proudly.

I clap quietly joining her. "Next!" She points secretly to a boy who sat at my left, listening to a friend of his while writing on his notes, He has Dark brown hair and brown eyes. "Ugh, man if only Ha-rin notices me like she does with you!" His friends says in jealousy while the boy writing only chuckled.

"That's Lim Jeong-ho. The boy is a whole package! He's handsome, popular, smart, kind, caring and athletic! No one can win against him on being number, he's the literal definition of number 1!"

"If he was in a movie, he would be the main character." Amara gushes quietly.

"Next! That's Han Seong-jin." She then points to a boy across the class who is also studying, next to his chair was stacks of heavy and thick books. He has Black colored eyes and is also raven haired.

"Seong-jin is really smart, he places in second place in literally everything! I can't even get pass him and Jeong-ho. ಠ⁠︵⁠ಠ"

"But, he's really competitive, blunt, rude and cold. Girls somehow ignore that because he's handsome.." she said in exasperation. Seong-jin pushes his glasses up and laid his eyes on us with an eyebrow up noticing how we've been whispering and glancing at him. I quickly looked back on my desk while Amara gave him an awkward wave.

"Even his eyes are cold.." She whispers and shivered jokingly. "Anyways, next is her." Both of us looked at a girl, with shoulder length wavy blond hair with black streaks and has a big red bow behind it.

She was sitting on her desk smiling angelically while listening to the girls surrounding her, fawning and complementing her pretty complection.

"Ha-rin! Your skin is so pretty.." "Your hair is so soft too!" "Haha.. just drinking a lot of water and sleeping early is the trick." She puts a hand on her cheek.

"That's Yun Ha-rin. She's good at Singing, dancing, drawing, playing instruments and ranks number 4 in the school ranking. Almost every boy likes her while all the girls envies her."

"She's the most popular and prettiest girl in school, even her name is pretty." ಥ⁠_⁠ಥ

The door then slid open harshly, students stopped chatting and looked at the person entering. There was a tall, chubby student with a shaved head and had a threatening look on his face. People avoided his gaze and whispered.

He entered the door and moved aside to let a boy in, he had Light brown hair and brown eyes. Both of their uniforms are messed up and looked like they didn't even took the effort to iron it.

"..who are they?" "The dude with the shaved head is Choi Dong-ju, he's one of the school's delinquents. He would beat you into a pulp if no teacher was looking. Everyone is afraid of him."

"Why doesn't anyone just report him?" "Because he's friends with Lim Min-jun also one of the delinquents, that guy." She points to the boy with light brown hair.

"He's rich, mean and has the biggest stick up his ass. He skips school a lot and beats up students, he doesn't get expelled since his parents are the biggest donators to the school if he gets expelled his parents won't donate again. He's also Jeong-ho's twin, it's crazy since they don't act and look the same."

Min-jun then walked towards us and sat to my right. He gave a dirty look at Jeong-ho and in return the boy only ignored him and went back to talking to his friend. "..They don't like eachother don't they?" I ask quietly to Amara, she nods in response.

A teacher walked inside as everyone including Amara sat down to their seats. The teacher introduced herself and smiled while her eyes scanned a paper which I assumed to be a list of students in our class.

"For our first class activity, I will pair you up with your classmates and you two would be working together to make a presentation about yourselves so we'll all know eachother better!" She happily announced.

"Now..the pair! First will be Lim Min-jun with Park, Lim Jeong-ho and [Last name].." she said the names out loud as looking to my left I find Jeong-ho smiling at me.

"[Last name]..[Name]? Right? Can I call you that?" He asks with a smile, and Amara was right, he was handsome. I stare at him for awhile and then answered, eyes resting on the ground awkwardly, a light tint of blush creeping up to my face "Sure."

[moody4world]

Conflicted

A/N(?): i am !!NOT!! a writer, everything i write and post is simply for fun and not to be taken seriously

A/N: i got this idea since i first listened to Melt by Kehlani which was months ago, i didnt know how to write or who to request it to so i held onto it but now it’s finally a written fic!!!

This is for my queer girlies <3

reader x urban, previous reader x kehlani

This is my first angst ever so please go easy on me💀

Your relationship with Urban is pretty new. The two of you started talking not too long after you had dealt with what you still called ‘your worst heartbreak ever’. Urban was aware that you just got out of a two year long relationship and he was very patient with your emotions.

He never rushed you and made sure that you were always comfortable with the pace you two were moving at.

He was really into you from the very beginning and to avoid anything going wrong, he decided to simply sit back and let you lead the ship. About two months into the talking stage things started getting more and more serious between the two of you. You would stay over at his place and he would stay over at yours, you guys would go on little dates here and there and you even met his friends and family. Urban had met your sisters and cousins but had yet to meet your parents because they lived in a different state.

The topic of your previous relationship had always been a sensitive one, Urban knew this which is why he avoided the subject just as much as you. The only thing he knew was that your ex partner was a woman and that it was the longest relationship you’ve had.

“Baby i’m joining Jack at the studio today do you wanna come with?” It wasn’t a rare occurrence that Urban would ask you to join them at the studio but it was rare that you would say yes.

You just felt like his time at the studio with Jack and his friends was his ‘me time’ and didn’t want to take that from him. However, you had nothing planned today and decided to hang out with them at the studio. You and Urb arrived at the studio at the same time as Jack who happened to be accompanied by dj drama.

What you didn’t expect is to run into your ex when you all walked through the door of the building. You could feel your heartbeat speed up and your thoughts were running faster than your brain could process, trying to think of how to handle the situation.

“I heard you have an album on the way” Jack said to Kehlani, to which she replied “I do i do i’m so excited for it i can’t wait for everyone to listen to it cause we actually just added some finishing touches and its good to go.” You didn’t know if you should feel relieved that she acted like the two of you were strangers or if you should be upset. You began to overthink more and more until Jacks voice interrupted your chaotic train of thought “That’s whats up, we’re actually working on my new album too right now so i definitely feel your excitement, got some pretty legendary features coming too “ “I cant wait to hear what you put out, i have a really special one on the album, i mean all these songs are special to me but there’s one i wrote for my last girl so i hope she listens to it.” well

“Damn you got some romantic shit on yours meanwhile i got a song named side piece” They all laughed at Jacks remark but you were still stuck on what Keh had said. She wrote a song for you…. not that she hasn’t done that before i mean..you did date for two wonderful years. But this time it was different. This time you hadn’t been peeking over her shoulder while she wrote the lovely words about your smile and how you touch her.

Was it going to be a happy song? a sad song? Urban noticed that you seemed distracted during the whole studio session. You would miss every joke because of how consumed you were by your thoughts.

On the way to drop you off you asked Urban if he would like to stay over. He felt relieved that even though you clearly weren’t in the best headspace you still wanted him close. He felt like it was an improvement from how you would usually shut him out when something was bothering you at the beginning of your relationship.

The two of you smoked and watched some of your favorite shows and cuddled all through the night. In the morning you felt much better but yesterday’s situation was still in the back of your mind.

As the days passed you slowly forgot all about it. Urban had been the sweetest boyfriend you could ever ask for. He was supportive of your model career and even helped you take your new digitals for a new agency you recently got signed to. A few weeks have gone by and the closer it got to Kehlani’s album release date, the more you kept seeing it everywhere. Instagram, Twitter, you name it.

It was 4 in the morning but you were laid in bed wide awake not being able to fall asleep. You were anxious to listen to Kehs new album but Urbans arm was around your waist while he was spooning you. His soft snores and occasional sleepy mumbling filled your ears as you gently caressed the hair on his arm.

By 6am you managed to fall back asleep until 8:30. Urb had to get up and get ready to go to work with Jack and you decided to get up as well. “Okay baby i’m gonna head out so i’m not too late, you know how mister tumnus gets” he says to you with a goofy smile on his face causing you to laugh as well. Urban stood at the foot of the bed just admiring you, sitting against the head of the bed covered up in the white blankets. He couldn’t believe he had such a beautiful soul to call his, your beauty was something he’d never get over. No matter how crazy your hair looked every morning. Pillow marks on your chubby cheeks and all.

“Stop staring at me you creep, you’re gonna end up late” you say to him half jokingly. His stare would always make your cheeks feel warm and made it hard for you to hold back a flustered smile. “Can i get a kiss before i go?” you pretended to think about your answer before giving into him, you could never say no to a kiss from him. I mean come on…do you see those lips?!

“Hmmmm, you don’t gotta ask twice” you had crawled to the end of the bed and stood on your knees so the two of you were now face to face.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and he wrapped his around your waist bringing you into what was meant to be a simple peck but slowly became more. His kisses were soft and felt like a warm hug.

Urban pulled back against his will. Because he knew that if he didn’t stop himself, he would either end up late or not leave your house at all. “You’ll come pick me up for lunch?” “Yeah hopefully the interview wont take too long, be ready when i get here okay?” “Okay baby, don’t forget your keys” you say to him when he’s halfway out the bedroom door and he sticks out a thumbs up through the door so you know he heard your reminder.

You got up and took a shower and decided to do some cleaning around the house. After you officially had nothing left to do you put on a random tv show. As soon as you opened your instagram you remembered that Kehs album had dropped. You had been so distracted by Urbans love and affection that it had left your mind almost completely.

You nervously went onto spotify searching up the album. Her music was always a good feeling to you, you always associated it with happiness so this new feeling of nervousness didn’t feel good in the slightest. You scrolled through the first songs and went straight to the one she had mentioned to Jack but indirectly at you too a few weeks ago. The title of the song was ‘melt’, you put the tv on mute and played the song.

I can't tell where your hair ends and mine begins

If I ain't have all these tattoos, I would think that it's your skin

If I move too quick past you, I would think it's my reflection

Being this close isn't close enough

You could tell every time we touch, every time we, oh

The first verse was already hard to deal with, you could feel your heartbeat speed up the tiniest bit and your eyes were starting to feel teary. And then came the pre chorus.

Wish I could build me a cute apartment

One-bedroom right where your heart is

Inch of space feels broken-hearted

Across the bed feels way too far and

I wonder when they see just one, do they see us two?

Ooh, oh

The lyrics had felt like a punch to the gut. No matter how much you tried you couldn’t hold back your tears. The longer you listened to the lyrics the harder you began to cry. You loved Kehlani with all your heart. The two years you two were together was the best years of your life, she was the best partner you had ever had in more ways than one. The breakup had been a mutual decision simply because you both wanted different things out of life. It hurt more than you could ever describe to someone.

Hearing her beautiful voice with such sentimental lyrics towards you threw your emotions for a loop. You thought that you had been over the situation and had all your focus on Urban and your new relationship but now you felt like you were wrong. Were you still in love with Keh? Do you really love Urban as much as you say you do? Had you been using him this whole time just to get over Keh?

You were so deep into your thoughts that you hadn’t heard Urban come in. Urb was alarmed when he was met with you crying your eyes out to Kehlani’s new album. He walked over to you lowkey wanting to laugh thinking it was just you being emotional. His smile dropped once you looked up at him. He knew that face…this wasn’t just you being emotional to a sad song.

He had so many questions, but you were so hysterical that he couldn’t even get one out. All he could do was hold you as you sobbed into his shoulder.

You definitely had some explaining to do….

part2

A/N: PLEASE LEAVE A FEEDBACK, if yall would like a part 2 lmk<3

[missmentelle]

I’m going to tell you a secret that I wish someone had told me a long, long time ago: If you’ve been in nothing but toxic and unhealthy relationships for most of your life, your first healthy relationship is probably going to feel boring. 

I spent the majority of my teenage years and early 20s in a series of unhealthy relationships. My relationships were all unhealthy in very different ways, but there was one thing they had in common: they were unpredictable, and in a perverse way, that made them addicting. There’s something weirdly thrilling about a relationship that is off-the-charts intense all of the time, even if it’s often a bad intense. My stomach used to drop like I’d just gone down the first hill of a roller coaster every time I opened the door to the apartment I used to share with my ex, because I never knew what I was going to find inside. Maybe he’d be on the couch, writing a song about me with that big smile on his face. Maybe he’d be half-coherent and the entire apartment would be trashed, with all the shades drawn. Maybe he’d be gone altogether with absolutely no explanation, and no way of getting in touch with him. There’s a sick thrill to waking up every morning and not knowing if your day is going to end with an impromptu romantic 2 am adventure that involves kissing under the stars, or if you’re going to go to bed in tears because you just got screamed at in a dumb fight over paper towels. Maybe it’s both. 

Often, it was both.

And after a while, when someone makes your heart pound every time you see them, your brain stops trying to learn the difference between attraction and fear. 

Then in my final year of my master’s degree, I swiped right on the right person and got into the first healthy relationship I had ever been in. My new relationship was everything I could have dared to hope for, back in the days when I was begging my ex to tell me where he was because he hadn’t been home in four days, or getting woken up at four a.m. because he’d found a man’s name when he went through my phone while I was sleeping and didn’t believe it was my brother. My new partner is, at a very fundamental level, an incredibly gentle and thoughtful person. Regular “good morning” and “good night” texts became a regular staple of my day, instead of passive-aggressive jabs and so-called “silent treatments”. Encouragement was given freely, without any accusations that I was seeking attention or trying to out-do him. Birthdays and important dates were remembered without any reminders. Hugs were given out in generous quantities, small issues were laughed off instead of fought over, and male friends were encouraged instead of demonized. At long last, I had the relationship I had always wanted. 

And to my absolute horror, I realized I was bored.

Without even realizing it, I had trained myself to think of relationships as battles, and being in a healthy relationship for the first time felt like I had suited myself up for an epic war, only to end up in an old ladies’ pottery class. The lack of unhealthy behaviours started making me antsy. Why wasn’t he going through my phone and looking through my social media? Did he just not care? Did it just not matter to him that other guys might be speaking to me? Why was I feeling so calm all the time? Where was the adrenaline rush? Why weren’t we clashing more? Did it mean that we just weren’t invested enough to even bother to fight with each other? We were - and are - deeply compatible people who have a lot of fun with each other, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that the relationship just wasn’t intense enough. I absolutely knew that my past relationships were deeply unhealthy, but it’s hard to un-learn the idea that relationships should be high-stakes and constantly exhausting if both people truly care about each other. 

It took a lot of time, but I gradually come to realize something: I’d never actually known love in any of my previous relationships. What I had known was obsession. My exes had put me up on pedestals, and ripped me down as soon as I failed to live up to impossible expectations. Over and over again. Everything was big and over-the-top: life was a series of grand gestures, big fights and enormous apologies. I had one ex comb through years and years of my social media photos, commenting on every single one, while another ex would make the hour-long drive to my house in the middle of the night several times per week, whenever he felt like seeing me, letting himself in through my bedroom window. When you’re young and don’t know any better, that level of obsession is flattering. It’s what we’ve been taught is romantic. But it’s not - it’s not a good basis for a strong and healthy relationship. And in the end, none of it was really about me. My exes were caught up in ideas about the relationships they’d fantasized about having, and the way they wanted people to perceive them, and I was more or less just there to play a part. And it always came crashing down. 

Real love, on the other hand, is not about the grand gesture. It’s not about non-stop “dialed-up-to-11″ intensity. It’s about being there, day by day. My boyfriend has never gone through my social media for six straight hours or broken into my house because he couldn’t wait a moment longer to see me, and he’s never screamed at me for having male names in my contacts list or for not texting back fast enough because he’s just so afraid to lose me. Instead, he is patient. He is kind. He listens to what I have to say and he doesn’t get upset about the small things and he always remembers to make  my coffee exactly how I like it. I know that he will be there for me when I need him - whether I need to vent about a bad day at work or build a bookcase or double-check that I added enough salt to the soup - and I do the same for him. It’s a kinder, gentler kind of relationship, and now that I’m used to it, it’s anything but boring. 

Don’t get me wrong - sometimes a relationship can be healthy and not be right for you. If you don’t have anything in common and you don’t enjoy doing things together, that’s probably not the relationship for you. It’s important to have fun with your partner and enjoy their company. But it’s also important not to mistake obsession for romance, or mistake a lack of intensity for disinterest.