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princess-luvvv · 10 days ago

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A GOLD RING AND COLD FEET

Rafe Cameron x fem!exgirlfriend!reader

A/N: (This is lowk 4.3k words I’m sorry) Hey guys lol I literally do not know what I’m doing help. I did not proofread idek how to work this app so if this sucks just don’t tell me bc this thing is the biggest pain in the ass lol. Like I am so genuinely sorry I’m such a grandma. Also this is what I listened to while writing this so feel free to listen as well :)

WARNINGS: AUTHOR CANT FIGURE THIS APP OUT, there’s no smut (not going to traumatize you guys with my brain on the first post), girl reader, marriage (basically the whole theme), cheating (sort of from reader but like it’s fine), ermmm just bad writing im sorry lol. Just a man yearning (like good). Okay Im sorry byeee.

14 DAYS UNTIL THE WEDDING DAY: THE BRIDAL SHOWER

Rafe Cameron was going to be the death of me. I knew it.

We had dated for 7 years. He asked me out when we were 14 after knowing each other since we were 6. He broke up with me when we were 21. He said he “couldn’t be tied down in his 20s”.

After that I thought I was completely broken. I had never even imagined loving anyone else - having to love someone else.

But here I was. 14 days away from my wedding to a man I didn’t love. A part of me felt like such an asshole. Marrying a man who I knew I’d never love. But Jackson had his faults. He raised his voice too much. He never opened my door…not since our third date at least. He worked all the time. He regularly forgot important events like anniversaries and birthdays.

We started dating 10 months, 1 week, and 4 days after Rafe broke up with me.

Even though most people said it was time to move on it still felt too soon to me. 3 years later and it still feels too soon sometimes.

But here I am. At my bridal shower. Wearing a silver ring when I haven’t touched a piece of silver jewelry since I was 9.

I was opening gifts when only one remained. A small black box with no tag attached.

“Who is this one from?” I ask the crowd of giddy women surrounding me. They all share confused looks. Shrugging and comments like “It’s not mine” falling from their lips. This only furthered my confusion as I opened the box.

I gasped.

Inside was a beautiful - gold - ring. It was my dream ring.

“Oh my gosh it’s just beautiful!” My best friend Grace said.

“Jackson must have picked it out for you since yours is missing.” Grace says causing me to furrow my brows.

I looked down to my left hand and noticed the absence of my ring.

Since when was that gone?

“Oh yeah…I guess he did.” I smile and tuck the box away. Making a mental note to ask Jackson later. Even though I knew he didn’t get it for me, a part of me hoped.

As my friends went on and on about how beautiful this wedding would be and how happy they were…I couldn’t help but wish their joy was infectious.

At least someone is excited right?

12 DAYS UNTIL THE WEDDING DAY: BACHELORETTE

I was sitting in an expensive restaurant in downtown Charleston sipping a cocktail I’m pretty sure costs more than my salad. Jackson and I had decided to have our Bachelorette/Bachelor parties in the same city in case anything happened. He was out having a guys night while I was out with my girls. I hadn’t had this much fun doing anything wedding related well ever.

“It’s not a coincidence that you think that and Jackson isn’t here” a little voice inside my brain taunts me. But I push it down. Along with the bile rising in my throat. From the alcohol or the impending commitment of forever to a person who I know I don’t love - which, I’m not sure.

“How are you babe?” My friend Ava says as she turns her entire body to face me. I was tracing shapes on the condensation on the outside of my barely touched drink while I tuned out the rest of the chatter.

“I’m wonderful how about you Ava?” I smile and meet her eye. She gives an unconvinced smile and repeats her question: “Come on. How are you really? Cold feet? We can get on the next flight out of America just say the word.” She says with a laugh. And I know she’s joking but part of me is screaming “YES!” Inside of my head.

I laugh and shake my head.

“No cold feet. Just lukewarm maybe.”

Lukewarm. It’s funny cause that’s basically a word that sums up the entirety of Jackson and I’s relationship. I hadn’t felt fire, sparks, passion…any of it. Not since-

“Lukewarm is okay. Marriage is big. But…you’ll be okay.” Ava says cutting off my thoughts. And I can see her trying to hide her real feelings. She wants me to talk to him. Not him. Him.

The him who left me in a hotel room in Key West on what was supposed to be our 8 year anniversary trip. The him who wouldn’t stop sending letters to my house. The him who sent me 127 texts and 87 voicemails since last Tuesday. Which is apparently the day the Cameron’s wedding invitation arrived. I wasn’t going to invite them but I felt I needed to. Sarah and I were still friends and I adored Wheezie. The him who took up every inch of my heart. No matter how hard I tried to convince myself he didn’t.

LATER THAT NIGHT AT THE HOTEL…

I entered my private suite in the hotel. I had gotten my drunk pack of bridesmaids back to their rooms…well the ones that were sleeping in their own rooms tonight. I had my own room this trip. My bridesmaid Lila insisted on it in case Jackson wanted to sneak over from his hotel…that’s what she said. But I knew she secretly wanted to give me my space away from the wedding buzz and events. I was grateful for that.

Until I was not.

Because the second I opened my door and ripped off my crown that said “BRIDE” I looked up and saw a man sitting on the couch in the suites living room. His elbows resting on his large thighs as he hung his head.

He looks up when I walk in.

I should’ve been scared…but I knew exactly who it was.

I flicked on the light. “Rafe what- what are you doing here?” I say in half anger half disbelief. OBX was at least 7 hours from here.

What the hell was he thinking?

“I had to see you…” I shake my head as he stands up and walks towards me. I take a step back.

“No. No. You can’t do this to me.” He walks closer. I put out my hands. Placing them on his chest to keep distance between us.

“Please just hear me out….” He gently grips my wrists that are placed on his chest. He paused for a second. Looking into my eyes to see if I would stop him again. I let him continue.

“I know…I know I have no right to be here. No right to do this. But please just listen to what I have to say…” He sighed before continuing. “You can’t marry him. Baby you can’t….I’m begging you. He doesn’t treat you right. You know that. I have so many regrets in my life…but I’d live them all over a million times if it meant I never let you go. I regret that every breath I take.”

My eyes gloss over. His touch was so gentle unlike Jackson’s. He didn’t raise his voice at me. He didn’t do anything but love me exactly the way I wanted while also being everything I needed.

He sighs seeing my eyes tear up. “Baby don’t- don’t cry….it’s just-….I can tell you’re not happy.” He says as he wipes a tear that escaped my eyes.

“I-I’m happy…” I say weakly.

But I wasn’t sure who I was trying to convince. Me or him?

He sighs. Bringing a hand up to my cheek to wipe away another tear. His hand not moving. “You’re not. I can see it. I know you…I see it in your face when you look at him. Those beautiful eyes have never told me a lie.”

“You don’t know me anymore…” another lie. He knew me. He knew me. He knew my coffee order at every coffee shop on the island. He knew my favorite songs and the lyrics to all of them. He knew my favorite movie. He knew my favorite animal.

He laughs softly in disbelief.

“I don’t know you? I know you. I know your order at every Mexican restaurant on the island. I can recite your coffee orders in my sleep. I know every word to your favorite Taylor Swift songs. Your favorite movie is Beauty and the Beast and you love the soundtrack. You love penguins and you’re a dog person. I know you baby.”

I cry harder as he recites everything about me. On surface it’s not much. Small talk topics he could’ve figured out from social media. But it goes so much deeper. He knows what makes me tick. What I need when I’m sad. How to cheer me up even through tears.

If only he could do that now…

“Does that asshole even know your favorite Jane Austen book? Huh? Does he? Cause I do. And it’s Emm-“

“Stop! Just stop Rafe! Just- just go! Why-why are you doing this me? This isn’t fair.” I say wiping my tears. I was full on crying now.

“I can’t just sit back and watch you marry someone who’s not going to make you happy. You deserve so much better. You don’t deserve someone who’s never there for you, or doesn’t treat you well. You deserve someone who treats you exactly how you deserve to be treated - like the woman I love. I know I was stupid to let you go. I was young - and I thought I wanted freedom, but I was wrong. I haven’t known a minute of freedom since you left. I miss you, I miss us. And I need you more than I need air to breathe…”

“Please. Don’t marry him. Please baby…” He’s begging now. I’ve never seen Rafe Cameron beg for anything.

“Rafe I’m-I’m getting married in 12 days I can’t-“ I cut myself off with a sob.

He pulls me against his chest. I don’t protest as I cry harder. Pretty much sobbing now.

I clutch onto the end of his shirt. “I have to marry him Rafe…”

“Why? Why do you have to marry him? You know this isn’t what you want.” He says pleading with me. Running a soothing hand up and down my back. Providing me more comfort than I’ve known all of my relationship with Jackson.

“I know.” I say softly. My voice hoarse.

“Then don’t do it. Don’t marry him. I made the wrong choice a few years ago, but I’m here now. I want you not some false pretense of freedom. I can give you everything you’ve ever wanted. I can give you a ring that you actually like, and a house that we build together. I’ll give you anything you want, just don’t marry him. Be with me.” I pause when he mentions the ring. I look down to the gold ring on my left hand. Silently piecing things together.

“Did you send me a new ring?” I look back up him. Brows furrowed. My face puffy from crying. When I meet his eyes I see how utterly heartbroken he looks. It breaks me a little bit.

“I-uh…yeah I did.” He says. And as he confirms my theory I step away from him. Letting out sobs as I turn my back towards him. One hand cradling my stomach as the other covers my mouth.

“Hey - hey what’s wrong. Talk to me.” He says as he walks up behind me placing a soothing hand on my shoulder letting his hands rub me gently.

“Y-you remembered the ring.” I had shown him the type of ring I wanted back when I thought we were going to get married.

I was so stupid at 20. Or maybe I was just naive.

“Of course I remembered the ring. You showed it to me a million times. I know it was your dream ring and I couldn’t bear the idea of him giving you something you didn’t actually want…” He explains with a confused expression. Not quite sure why it was hurting me so bad.

The thought that he had gotten me a ring I wanted even though he didn’t want me marrying Jackson made me want to cry…and vomit.

“I-I can’t-“ My legs give out and I drop to my knees. Rafe immediately goes down with me. Pulling me into his chest. I was now cradled in his lap as he rocked me gently while I cried.

“Please don’t cry baby….it hurts me so bad.”

That night I fell asleep in Rafes arms.

THIRD PERSON POV:

As Rafe brought her to her hotel bed and tucked her in he couldn’t help but feel the urge to get in bed and hold her as she slept. But he knew how awful she’d feel if she woke up next to him knowing she betrayed Jackson. So he left a note next to her bedside and pressed a kiss to her forehead before leaving. The words “I love you” mumbled softly as she slept.

ELEVEN DAYS UNTIL THE WEDDING DAY: THE NEXT MORNING.

THIRD PERSON POV:

As Jackson walks into the hotel room of his future wife he can’t help the guilt eating at him. He brings in the takeout bags and starts to place it onto a tray.

He takes out the water and Advil he got from the pharmacy and brings it over to her bedside.

As he’s placing the hangover cure on her nightstand a paper written on hotel stationery catches his eye.

He reads through the paper.

“All my love, R.C.”

He folds up the note and places it back in his pocket before going back to the takeout bags. Ready to act as if nothing happened.

FIRST PERSON POV

I wake up with an empty feeling in my stomach. The same one I’ve had for 3 years, 7 months, 2 weeks, and 6 days.

I hear someone walking around the suite and as much as I know it’s probably Jackson…a part of me hopes…

Seconds later Jackson comes into my room with a smile. Holding a tray of food.

Odd. He’s never done sweet gestures for me like this.

“Good morning my love…I thought this would help cure the hangover. I ordered breakfast from that place you like downtown. You always talk about how much you wish we had one back at home so…” As he explains his reasoning for being here the sick feeling grows in my stomach. And I wish it was hangover sickness. I felt like such crap. Here he was being so sweet to me and I cried in the arms of another man last night.

I look around the room for any evidence Rafe was here. Feeling slightly disappointed but relieved that I didn’t find anything.

“Have fun last night?” Jackson says as he picks a blueberry off my plate.

“Uh yeah….it was really fun.” I smile and lie. But he can’t tell the difference so he nods his head before getting up and kissing my forehead.

“Well I have to go into work early tomorrow so the guys and I are heading back home but…I love you.” He says. He rarely says those three words. And that itself wouldn’t be weird. We’re getting married of course we tell each other we love each other. But paired with the weird domestic wake-up I had this morning it left an icky feeling in my stomach. But I smiled and nodded. Swallowing my food before replying.

“Okay…love you too.”

TWO DAYS BEFORE THE WEDDING DAY: THE REHEARSAL DINNER

“Have you seen my gold earrings?” I ask Jackson. Walking around our shared bathroom while he was shaving. We were getting ready for our rehearsal dinner before we left for the wedding venue in the morning.

“Which earrings?” He asks. Not pausing his movements of shaving his face.

“The ones I always-“ I huff in defeat knowing it’s no use. I’ve worn those earrings everyday for the past 9 years. They were Rafe’s 2 year anniversary gift to me.

I walk around the bedroom looking under a few things before my phone pings distracting me for a second. I walk over to it and turn the screen over to see an Instagram DM message request.

“Hey…I want to say I am so sorry to do this to you. I know you’re getting married in 2 days but there’s something you should know…”

THREE HOURS UNTIL WEDDING DAY: THE NIGHT BEFORE THE WEDDING

I was pacing around the cabin of my private room on the property of our venue.

The venue was a family owned property on the mainland. It was gorgeous. Jackson was in the cabin across the venue in the Groom’s cabin. I was staying in the Bridal lodge.

I felt nauseous. My throat felt like it was closing and the white matching way too expensive PJ set I was gifted especially for tonight felt like it was constricting my air. The cabin suddenly felt stuffy and like the walls were about to close in at any minute. I was all alone.

I pull out my phone quickly going to the only number I had on speed dial.

He picks up on the first ring - he always does.

RAFES POV

The whole day I had been sulking at home watching football and drinking whiskey. My lab Daisy sitting by my side as she watched me drown my sorrows.

Was she really going to marry him?

I had dozed off for a few hours before a phone ringing woke me up.

I look at the screen and immediately picked up.

“I need you.” I was standing up running to my shoes before the sentence was even over.

“I’m coming baby…I’m on my way just stay put okay?” Her shaky voice was breaking my heart. I grabbed my keys and made an hour long drive less than 40 minutes.

FIRST PERSON POV

I was sitting with my knees tucked to my chest. My eyes puffy and crying, sitting at the edge of the bed when Rafe barged in. He immediately dropped to his knees next to me. Pulling me into his lap. Cradling me as he rocked me back and forth.

“I’m here baby…I’m here.” He repeats the words like a mantra to ease my mind. And it does. But it doesn’t fill the pit in my stomach that seems to have taken a permanent residence.

“Talk to me baby…please you’re scaring me…” I could hear the fear in his voice. And I felt like such a dick. I called my ex boyfriend to help me the night before my wedding to another man.

I’m the worst.

“I-I’m so sorry….I didn’t know who else to call.” I get out between sobs. He shakes his head. Grabbing my face with both of his hands.

“Shhh….I just need you to tell me what you need. I’m right here. Just tell me how to help. Okay?”

How does he always know what to say? It’s ridiculous.

“I need out of this…” And at that sentence Rafe was pretty sure he could’ve cried a happy tear. But he needed to be sure.

“Out of what baby?” He knew. But he needed to know.

“You know what.” I pause before continuing. Sniffling and wiping my tears. “Jackson cheated on me. His bachelor party…she texted me the night our rehearsal dinner. She was their bartender in Charleston. But that’s not even the worst part…” I shake my head in disbelief at myself. “The worst part is I don’t even care. My fiancée cheated on me less than two weeks before our wedding. And I can’t find it in me to care.”

I knew I never loved Jackson. And that’s part of why I was marrying him. Because I knew that if I never loved him he’d never be able to hurt me…not like Rafe did at least.

I continue:

“I’m literally incapable of loving him because every inch of my heart belongs to you. And it kills me. I should be devastated right now. But- but all I can think is that I need you. And it’s so cold and you hate driving at night but this is the second time you’ve driven over an hour for me in two weeks.”

In reality it didn’t take Rafe an hour to get here. But he let me continue anyways.

“I’m terrible-“ He cuts me off.

“No. You’re perfect. I know you think you have to settle for this but you don’t. I’m not leaving you. I’ll always be here. Whether or not you get married in 12 hours I’m always going to be there when you need me. I don’t care what it is or where you are. You call and I’m there. You need me…and I’m right here baby. I’ll always be right here. I won’t let anybody hurt you.”

I look at him as he says that. And suddenly nothing about this makes sense. Why am I getting married to Jackson?

He sucks.

I stand up. Grabbing Rafes hands pulling him up with me.

“We need to leave.” I look around the room at my things. Rafe immediately nods and starts packing my things into my suitcase with me.

“Where do you need to go? I’ll take you anywhere baby. Car? Train? Plane? Boat? Fuck I’ll swim across the Atlantic for you baby.”

I pause and glance up at him from across my suitcase that we’re both knelt over. I meet his gaze. His eyes show me nothing but seriousness. Standing 10 toes behind his words. I wrap an arm around his neck and place an arm on his shoulder to steady myself as I lean in and kiss him.

He’s so taken aback but he kisses back after realizing this isn’t another one of his dreams that have felt like nightmares these past 3 years.

I pull away and he slightly sighs at the disconnect.

“Anywhere that’s not here. Just need to be with you. Please.”

2 HOURS UNTIL THE WEDDING DAY: AN HOUR LATER ON THE WAY TO THE AIRPORT

I look around the room once more to make sure I have everything.

“You got everything you need baby?” He asks me and I nod.

“I’m gonna take this to the car.” I was carrying my pillow and blanket I had brought. Rafe insisted on carrying my bags. He nods but stays in his place before speaking up.

“Okay I’ll be there in a second I’m gonna take one last look around.” I nod before walking to his truck and getting inside.

THIRD PERSON POV:

Rafe pulls the object out of his pocket. Placing it on the dresser.

He grabs her bags taking one last look at the wedding dress hanging on the closet door before shutting the door behind him.

The silver ring shimmering in the moonlight sitting on the dresser where he left it.

FIRST PERSON POV

Rafe gets back in the car and looks over at me.

“If you change your mind I don’t mind-“ I cut him off.

“I’m not changing my mind. Now drive.” He smiles before putting the truck in reverse.

As we drive for a few minutes a question plagues my mind: Why didn’t he say anything the morning after the bachelorette party?

“Can I ask you something?” He glances over at me. He had a comforting hand on my thigh as he drove.

“Anything.” I smile at his answer while look at my lap before continuing.

“Why didn’t you say anything the morning after that night in Charleston? Not a text or a note or anything? I know you didn’t have to I just…hated waking up with no evidence that you had even been there.” Rafe’s brows furrow.

I did leave a note. He thought to himself.

“Baby I left a note on your dresser…didn’t you see it?” He says confused.

“No…the next morning I woke up and Jackson was…” I trailed off. Suddenly piecing everything together. Rafe seemed to as well. His grip on the wheel tightened and his jaw clenched.

“I left a note. I promise. But it’s not anything I won’t tell you to your face everyday for the rest of our lives. So don’t worry about it, pretty. Okay? I love you, baby.”

“I love you, Rafe.” And I truly meant it.

On the way to the airport we sang along to Taylor Swift songs we both knew. And suddenly the pit in my stomach was slowly being filled with laughter and the way he didn’t even ask me what I wanted when we stopped at McDonald’s.

To be loved it to be seen. And I had to have been invisible to Jackson.

23 MINUTES UNTIL THE WEDDING DAY: AT THE AIRPORT 11:37 PM

“Flight 237 is now boarding. This is the final call for passengers to LaGuardia Airport.”

Rafe looks at me as we get ready to board the plane.

“You ready?” He sticks out his hand. I smile at him.

“Yeah…I’m ready.” I take his hand and lean up and kiss him as we walk onto the plane.

I glance down at the gold ring on my finger. And I realize no one will ever see me as clearly and perfectly as Rafe sees me. And that’s all I could ask for.

“Hey” he looks back at me. Glancing up from his sports magazine. His brows raised waiting for me to answer.

“I love you.” I continue and smile. His gaze softens and he pulls me into another quick kiss. I hated PDA but I didn’t care. Not with him.

“I love you more than I can even describe.” He pauses before continuing. “If I loved you less I might be able to talk about it more.”

I don’t know a lot…but I know I’ve found my person. And everything’s okay. And for the first time in 3 years, 7 months, 4 weeks, and 2 days…I felt like I could breathe.

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kyeranmari · 2 months ago

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The Emperor Incarnated | SVT Destiny Matrix | Jeonghan

hello, this is kyeranmari ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

welcome to the first installment of my seventeen destiny matrix readings!

since this is a special time, i'd like to start by reading into the destiny matrix chart of my ult bias: jeonghan ⋆˚｡⋆୨୧˚

in particular, i'd like to explore his central arcana.

for those who aren't familiar, the central arcana is basically the energy that lives in your core. similar to your sun sign in astrology, this is the energy that sort of...summarizes all the other aspects & energies you can find in your chart. this is who you are in your most comfortable state.

jeonghan's central arcana is symbolized by the number 4. this is the energy of the emperor.

often associated with "authority, leadership, control, and structure", the emperor is regarded as one of the most powerful energies in all of tarot and numerology. having this in any aspect of your destiny matrix chart calls you to take lead, be dutiful, be in control, and/or be organized. in addition, this also signifies that you have a natural talent for resolving problems, guiding people, making salient decisions, and establishing solid foundations.

and we've seen evidences of these in jeonghan's life and his relationship with seventeen.

one that sticks out to me is, in the first episode of game caterers x seventeen, it was revealed that jeonghan had a very vital role in the group. he was the boys' main confidant and counselor.

he claims that he does this because he doesn't do much in the team (which i absolutely 100% disagree with), and so he took the role of listening and guiding them through their woes.

anyone who has been in this position had once or has constantly wondered why people come to them with the trust that they have the right answers for their problems. and more often than not, they fail to recognize that it is because of their natural gift of wisdom that draws people in.

although i don't know how their exchanges go in particular, as someone with the empress at their core, i could infer that the themes and language of the wisdom they seek from jeonghan is more objective and structural (unlike that of the empress' affective and spiritual approach). despite na pd characterizing jeonghan's role as "motherly", i'd like to argue that jeonghan's approach might be more of a "dad's way" of looking at the world. i am in no way claiming that this approach is unemotional. rather, it's probably more focused on "what are you gonna do about it?" than "how are you feeling about it?"

people with the emperor at the center are generally caring people. they make taking care of the things they love their duty and responsibility. you can expect them to be committed to giving love and affection.

and we could see jeonghan embody this trait through his most recent series called haniwajjong, a special spin to i-goya (his svt rec series) consisting of all the vlogs he filmed starting from september of 2023. according to him, he did this so that carats could have something to watch while he's in the period of military service.

i would be lying if i say i don't find this so touching, that it almost brings me to tears. as a jjongjjongiefan, i couldn't help but miss him a heck ton, even though i used to say that i won't be emotional about it. but alas, and behold! my ult bias is dedicated to caring about his fans. he didn't have to do this. no one asked for it. but he did it out of his own volition.

he found a way to resolve the dilemma between his civic duties and his deemed responsibility as an idol. this, to me, is how he embodies the energy of the emperor the most. im trying not to cry.

people like jeonghan who hold the emperor at their center are also blessed with wit, strategy, and competency to the point of victory. you know that they're in their best state when they win or they're in a situation where they can exercise these qualities.

this explains why jeonghan is just unbelievably good at every game and every sport he participates in. remember when they dedicated a whole going seventeen series (one million won) just so seventeen can have a chance to beat him?

jeonghan shines best in gose series that make use of strategy and brain power (one million won, liar liar, catch stock, don't lie, good offer).

not to mention, he's also athletic as fuck. any carat who's watched at least half of the entirety of going seventeen knows how the members are always drawn to him during physical team games. this moment from game caterers x seventeen is one of my favorites.

because it's in this same show that he's opened up about his energy "deficiency" (he's so my bias here because me too), and yet we see him still play so well, proving that his athleticism stems from a natural gift of it.

jeonghan's smarts go beyond his entertainment career, though, as he's currently pursuing his mba in anyang university. prior to this, he graduated with a degree in practical music (major in k-pop) from hanyang university's institute for future talents. which makes sense, though, as education is important to seventeen as a group themselves!

oh, and another thing!

something one must remember about the emperor is that this card/number has the energy of the divine masculine. in pop culture (on tiktok, specifically, ugh), the divine masculine is often associated with a man who's strong, well-built, powerful, and is a provider. think a hunky ceo with slicked back hair, a clean beard, with his head always in the game. he's always quiet and observant, always watching like an omnipotent being. however, i'd like everyone to understand that while this could be a result of having the emperor in your chart if you're a man, this isn't the one true image of it.

i mentioned this because i know people might be curious about this aspect, too. but quite honestly, i don't want to elaborate on this much as someone's sexuality is even more personal than the aspects i mentioned above.

all i can say is that to me, jeonghan deserves to be the face of divine masculinity more than the average man. because apart from looking godly (taking the literal meaning of divine here just for the giggles), jeonghan expresses his masculinity to us in such a comfortable way. i can't help but appreciate the complexity of his character. to me, jeonghan is what masculinity looks like if it had evolutions, and he's the final form.

besides, didn't seungcheol mention somewhere that jeonghan is the manliest out of all of them? like...look at him....im....weak

if you think i have a preference for long, black-haired jeonghan no i don't i swear i-

in conclusion, it's not surprising that a lot of people love and rely on jeonghan. he has such an admirable and inspiring core that naturally draws people to him. he inspires action within other people, whether it by simply breathing or by using his cutieful antics. to me, he's the perfect caricature of what a man should be.

a true reflection of the emperor at the core.

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notes: as i've mentioned in this post, i'll be using seventeen's destiny matrix charts as a way to hone my skills as a reader. i'd also like to note the readings i do may contain inaccuracies as there are a lot of factors that prevent me from reading accurately. though i'm familiar with divination, i'm still at the starting point of my journey in practicing it. plus, i don't know seventeen personally, so i'm basing my readings based off of the things they show us. ⋆✴︎˚｡⋆

i'll also be taking it slow for now, only sharing bits and pieces of information as it takes a lot of energy to read and find supporting materials. so forgive me if the information you might be looking for isn't in any of my readings today and in the future! joesorryhamnida 人´∀｀)

if you have additional input, corrections, and/or questions, please don't hesitate to share them! i'd love to learn with & from my fellow carats ✧ദ്ദി( ˶^ᗜ^˶ ) so let's yap about this together!

anyway, if you've made it this far, thank you so much for having the patience to read through! i know it's a lot of ramble & reflection, but i appreciate your attention! ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

see ya in the next post, caratdeul ദ്ദി(｡•̀ ,<)~✩‧₊

p.s. i love you and i miss you so much jeonghan ૮(˶ㅠ︿ㅠ)ა please take care always my love (ෆ˙ᵕ˙ෆ)♡

#seventeen #svt #jeonghan #yoon jeonghan #seventeen destiny matrix #seventeen numerology #seventeen tarot #seventeen astrology #kpop #matrix of destiny #destiny matrix #numerology #divination

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anna-the-undertaker · 5 months ago

Text

Im playing with an incorrect quote generator and I'm sharing them here. They are cracking me tf up.

Belphie: So I can either do something dumb that could very well get me injured or I can listen to MC and not do the thing, Belphie: Well there’s a clear right answer here. Belphie: *proceeds to throw five packs of mentos into a barrel full of diet coke*

Satan: I woke up and chose VIOLENCE. I WILL COMMIT ARSON AND BURN EVERYTHING TO THE GROUND!!! I AM ANGRY- MC: Awwww, you’re so adorable! Give me a hug~ Satan: Wh-What? nO, yOURE SUPPOSED TO BE SCARED OF ME! TREMBLE BEFORE MY WRATH- Lucifer, recording: This is so cute.

Beel: sSSSHIT- I BURNT MY LIP- Belphie: …Why the fuck would you even drink coffee with a METAL STRAW in the FIRST PLACE?? Beel: BECAUSE WE WERE OUT OF THE PLASTIC ONES!

Barbatos: Look, Satan, if you can fit your head down the gun’s barrel, you can assume it doesn’t have a non-lethal setting.

MC: Yes, I'm adopting Satan and you cowards can't tell me no!

Lucifer: *running towards Beel with open arms* Beel: *moves out of the way* Lucifer: Hey, why'd you move?! Beel: I thought you were going to attack me. Lucifer: I was going to hug you! Beel: Why would you hug me? Lucifer: WHY WOULD I ATTACK YOU!?

Levi: The best way to gain someone's undying loyalty is by saving them from a perilous situation. Barbatos: So you're just gonna wait until MC is in danger and save them? Levi: Of course not, I'm going to create a situation that puts them in danger and then save them. Barbatos: … Barbatos: You're insane.

MC: We’re going to defeat you with the power of friendship. Belphie: We’re not friends. MC, holding an axe: We’re going to defeat you with the power of incredible violence.

Lucifer: You’re starting to look like me more and more every day— Satan: *Bursts into tears* Lucifer: Why are you crying? Satan: You’re ugly! I don’t want to look like you! *sobs*

*Satan and Mammon are texting* Satan: Who are you? Someone changed the names in my phone. Mammon: What did they change my name to? Satan: Chosen One. Mammon: Don’t change it back. Satan: BUT WHO ARE YOU?!?! Mammon: I’m the chosen one.

Mammon: "What are you into?" is such a broad question, like do I reply with a TV series or choking?

Belphie: Sorry I can’t be emotionally vulnerable with you it’d ruin the mystery.

Asmo: I don’t think the therapist is supposed to say ‘wow’ that many times during their first session with a client, but here we are.

Mammon: What happened to your nose? Satan: I used it to break some guy's fist.

Mammon: Would it be discrimination to only hire employees at my doughnut shop who have the same name? MC: Legally, I don't believe that breaches any discrimination laws. Morally though… I don't know. Mammon: I believe god is on my side when it comes to Duncans' Doughnuts.

Mammon: Would anyone know any good vendors for professional-quality brass knuckles? Asmo: I know you’re serious, but you say the scariest shit sometimes.

Mammon: look Levi, I'm not slut shaming you but… Mammon: Actually yeah, I'm TOTALLY slut shaming you.

Lucifer: I am the left brain, I am the left brain. "I work really hard until my inevitable death" brain. You've got a job to do, you better do it right and the right way is with the left brain's might. Mammon: I LIKE OREOS AND PUSSY-

Satan: My expectations were low but holy fuck.

MC: *Texts a selfie to the group chat* Hey besties!! Mammon: *Texts a selfie clearly parodying MC's* hey besties !!1! MC: I literally hate you so much.

Satan: What's this? MC, hugging Satan: Affection! Satan: Disgusting. Satan: …Do it again.

Lucifer: I am going to need you to swear- Diavolo: Fuck. Lucifer: Lucifer: …swear as in promise.

Mammon: Pardon me, but it sounds like you’re questioning my authority! Lucifer: Not at all, Mammon. Merely your primitive methods.

MC: *cocks gun* Go to Bed. This is no longer a request, This is now a Threat.

Levi: Wait a minute, how did this happen? We're smarter than this! Beel: Apparently, we're not.

Mammon: *Reading a letter* Satan: Well, what does it say? Mammon: It’s a confession letter. It turns out MC killed my pet rock.

Diavolo: Not to be nsfw but I want someone to hold me while I sleep.

MC: Who else is hiding in the laundry room trying to listen to Diavolo and Lucifer's convo? Asmo: Me. I'm in the laundry basket. Belphie: I'm in the washing machine. Barbatos: I'm in the closet. Asmo: We accept you Barbatos. <3 Barbatos: No I'm literally in the closet. Asmo: Love is love. <3

Belphie (brainstorming ideas for pranking Lucifer): How much would a serial killer mask possibly cost? MC: Well it’s hard to find a high-quality one made out of leather or silicone, but if you did find a good one like that it’d be a couple thousands of dollars. I can try to hook you up with one but I don’t know if I’d be very successful. Belphie: Huh, that’s pretty interesting actually- Wait, how the hell do you know that? MC: …I am very passionate about Halloween, Belphie.

Diavolo: I don't know, it's not my cup of tea. Satan: Well then whose is it? Diavolo, staring at a cup of tea: I don't know!

MC: What’s something you guys are better than Lucifer at? Mammon: Mario Kart. Satan: Yeah, video games. Levi: Emotional vulnerability.

Mammon: Can we talk about that mass email you sent? MC: Why? It was important. Mammon: All it says is, "I'm back on my shit". Diavolo, shrugging: The people need to know.

Mammon: Can you pass the salt? Asmo: Can you pass away? Mammon: Too much salt.

*talking on the phone* Mammon: Remember how I said that MC and I were gonna have a calm night out for once? Lucifer: Yeah… Mammon: Well, we’re in jail. Lucifer: *hangs up*

MC: Go to hell! Lucifer: Where do you think I come from?

MC: I see the red flags, I acknowledge that they're there, and then I completely ignore them.

Satan: We need a distraction. Lucifer: Is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making weird noises? Diavolo, whispering: My time has come.

Mammon: I don’t know, this plan seems complicated. Lucifer: You once said that about an orange. Mammon: They don’t make sense. Apples, you eat their clothes but oranges you don’t.

Diavolo: Mammon and I were crossing the street, and this man drove by and honked at us. Asmo: What did you do? Diavolo: They chased him to the next red light, and reached into his window, and- Mammon: *walking in* Who wants a steering wheel?

#obey me #obey me headcanons #obey me imagines #obey me mc #obey me mammon #obey me lucifer #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me belphegor #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me incorrect quotes

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maopll · 2 years ago

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Can I please request the Heartslabyul boys reacting to you ‘forgetting’ to give them a good morning kiss?

Where's my kiss ?

| twisted wonderland !

⌗:, a/n: good morning kisses are a no from me if I'm not in the mood. ain't nobody wanna give someone a stinky ass kiss 😭 but I'll do it for the sake of this fanfic <3

⌗:, warning: fluff

⌗:, pairings: ace, deuce, trey, riddle, cater w/ gn!reader

ACE TRAPPOLA

You always give him a goodnight, good morning and a goodbye kiss. you've never forgotten to kiss him. if there are days when you haven't kissed him he will demand them no matter what the situation and you have to listen to him whims.

today you had other plans. what if you don't kiss him? you couldn't resist yourself after seeing other people do it too.

so here you are getting out of bed sneakily after not giving him a kiss. you went with your daily chores after you saw a dishelved ace telling you "Where's my kiss? :("

he looked like a three year old after having their candy stolen. you were trying your best not to laugh at his state but he caught onto your lips curling up.

how DARE YOU

he made it a point to you to always kiss him so why were you depriving him of his sole way of getting his daily dose of serotonin?

he annoyed you to have you kiss him and ofcourse you obliged! you just can't miss the feeling of his soft cheeks against your lips as you smother his face with kisses.

DEUCE SPADE

he is such a sweet boyfriend that he actually got really hesitant to ask you why you did not kiss him good morning. he thought maybe you were angry at him for whatever he has done and he got really tensed because he couldn't remember what he did to annoy you enough to not even kiss him :(

he slowly hugged you from behind and started apologising like crazy and he even said "love I'm sorry for what I've done I really am but please don't hate me too much to not even kiss me"

deuce may put up a good behaviour infront of others showing how perfect he can be but his behaviour of being like that absolutely melts in your arms when you kiss him. he is very different from how he shows himself to be in front of the public eye.

you weren't answering because you were trying your best to hold in your laughter but he caught on the way your shoulders were shaking and you definitely were not crying because he knows your acts and behaviourisms like the back of his hand

he is so mad at you now for trying to prank him like that

"I can't believe you [name] I'm going"

"WAIT COME BACK BABY IM SORRY"

He didn't reject your kisses and daily dose of affection.

TREY CLOVER

he is not thinking that much about how you 'forgot' to give him his morning kiss after waking up in his arms after cuddling so much with him last night

he knew it was another one of your shenanigans so he wasn't quote bothered by it until he has had enough

your kisses are like a lucky charm to him even if they may have some kind of placebo effect on him he still believes it's your kisses that makes him have a good day.

at the end of the day he returned with most of his energy exhausted because he had a pretty bad day because of you forgot to give him something.

"baby I know what you are trying to do...please kiss me I can't do it anymore"

you kisses him on his forehead, cheeks, eyelids, and lips and he wants more now.

you two shared kisses and cuddles for an hour until he has had his fill.

poor baby held whatever piece of patience he had throughout the day until he got to you.

RIDDLE ROSEHEARTS

he wakes up with your morning kisses but today he woke up a bit late because you did not kiss him

he was so agitated because he was getting late for his class by 2 minutes !!

how could you do this to him !

off with your head /j

he was genuinely offended and annoyed because you did not give him his energy boost for the day

he flipped at whoever crossed his way because you just committed a big crime

ace and deuce were scared of him getting so angry so they brought you infront of him to take matters into your own hands and they were too afraid of doing something that might make him render them immobile or something.

they left the school ground to leave you two alone to do your bidding...more like get his emotions checked

a kiss on the cheek was enough to turn his full face blushing red like the tart he was eating.

he coughed and said blush still evident on his face "I will accept this kiss as a form of your apology towards the behaviour showed me today...don't do it again [name]...please"

you heard most of what he said but that "please" was so soft cause he mumbled it but you caught onto what he said.

with a cheeky grin you continued painting his face with kisses

ace and deuce heaved a sigh of relief as their dorm leader finally isn't angry anymore

CATER DIAMOND

I definitely did not forget about cater

Usually you two have a kiss fight(?) in the morning. the first one who wakes the other one up with kisses has to have the other give them kisses for the whole day including cuddles and a whole lot of affection

usually you would win but today you were feeling devious so you got out of bed without kissing him. he was a bit awake but his eyes bust open when you cooly opened the door and went your merry way

he sat up straight and grabbed his phone ready to cancel you out on social media

how could you do this to him

so he pestered you throughout the day

he told you and practically gave you a presentation on WHY you should kiss him

you were soon growing tired

you wanted to prank him but looks like it's an uno reverse moment now

you finally gave in and kissed him which shut his yapping.

he was silent for a while but he soon recovered and returned your kiss

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batfambrainrotbeloved · 1 month ago

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I'd like a tip! How do I survive highschool? I'm being very tired and I don't wanna and you already did please

~✨

Darling let me say that considering ME a vestiage of sound advice is fucking wild- even worse is I actually have sound advice, though ill stick with general shit

SOCIAL LIFE

If you're worried about socializing? Everyone is. Its highschool. Best advice I can give is the corny "Get involved" stick but im not kidding. BE the fun person, check your schools calander, dress up for spirit day. Give away your Wednesday nights to help build theater sets and every other Tuesday tag along for your friends chess club meeting.

You wont wander in places and suddenly meet your best friends- but you wont be as isolated as Highschool sometimes makes people feel. As overwhelming as it sounds, it is easier to show up then to let yourself slip into the background, and harder to force yourself back to the foreground after.

GRADES N SHIT

Academics? Do not let yourself fail. C's get degrees, but for how fucked our system is, a shit GPA actually does fuck with your future oppertunities in a lot of ways. Also if you're talented in something, check about local school competitions, they're fun and low commitment for the most part (Also my hoh dumbass getting district 3rd place in LISTENING SKILLS??? I will never let it down)

But seriously- I know you have that feeling looking at 30 projects and wanting to just go to bed and finish it last minute. Some classes that works, I did 90% of my history homework in scribbled handwriting in my Psych class. But other classes you CANNOT get away with that, and you will find those out very quickly.

Don't EVER even humor the idea of dropping out (just don't- its NOT worth it) because the more you consider, the more days/classes you skip not out of nessesity, the more you let your grades fall "As long as im passing" you set yourself up for stress and failure alone

And unlike every 80's movies, being smart WILL get you respect (as long as you arent condesending, very clear difference.) from the right people at least. Its also a matter of self pride, you WANT to be proud of your academics, especially if you work hard for them.

You don't need to fight tooth and nail for A's, but getting an 80 on a project you were SURE you failed is a special kind of joy/pride.

CONFLICT

Lastly, if you ever deal with the more unfortunate side of being surrounded by a bunch of hormonal teens which is bullying. It fucking sucks, but its unfortunently common.

I never had to deal with much so I couldnt give advice on personal experience beyond a few things. But I was president of my schools GSA so I had a lot of kids come to me with shit and you bet your ass I handled that. So heres my advice

"sTiCks AnD sToNeS~" That bullshit will get you bullied HARD Pretending like you're the bigger person, ignoring it, etc etc- it works for SOME people, but not always. Tried and true methods? Guilt and Shame. Let me tell you a story of one of the few bullying/ mean fuck adjacent experiences I had and how I handled it As I said, I was part of my schools GSA, and for Day of Silence we had a lunch table information booth. Well some kids decided to be dicks and printed out a super straight flag (in color, had to respect the dedication) and were marching together past our table.

So what do I do? I locked eyes with a few of the boys (kids I knew by name, who id seen in elementary during their braces phase, who id helped carry books with in middle school, whose mamas knew me because of how involved I was my whole life), gave my best genuine smile and went "Oh hey do you guys have any question's? We also have some candy thats free for the taking"!

Every. Single. One. looked at me wide eyed, and apologized saying "Oh no thank you" and a few even accepted the candy. That flag they printed out?? It vanished, crumbled up in someones pocket, the moment I smiled at them.

"Kill em with kindness" Works better than you'd think when its more of a "Oh Im being genuine" then a "Oh im being the bigger person". The moment you match their energy, you fuel it. So instead you have to be that sound mind, shove a mirror in their face and go "You're being a dick."

Of course that only works with people who have any level of self respect, and also men because mean girls are a whole different breed. For girls, just act embaressed on their behalf- don't say anything, but if you ever get a "Woah I didnt know you spoke your always so quiet" You hit them back with a "Haha wait really? Thats so weird to say." or if you wanna still try for peace "Yeah I havent' talked to you before, though this is our first class together- oh and I love your necklace, silver is perfect for you- wheres it from"?

TO SUMMARIZE (and more)

Keep track of school events, and participate

DO SPIRIT WEEK- PLEASE, Its not cringe it actually is cool as hell (and a lot of people involved in school planning get so excited if they know you participate- easy way to be known in a pos light)

Find out your teachers fav candy, Buy them a little treat, make them a doodle. For the love of god let them know you outside your work (Ive had wild exceptions because teachers knew my character enough to GIVE me that grace otherwise not given)

Have a space finished essay tucked away if you are ever like "I just.. cannot" (same for PPT formats)

DONT USE CHATGTP I dont care the situation, at MOST I will say okay on help with ideas/phrasing- but do not copy and paste shit

Go to school theater productions, they are unironically cool as hell

Respect social etiquete, yes there is wanting to be "your own person outside the system" thats great, but not when a bunch of hormonal teens are stuck in a poorly ventilated building for several hours going over US history

Bring gum/mints and offer to share sometimes (if they are chill)

Always have some hairties, spare tampons/pads(even if you arent a girl), bandaids, deoderant. Basically anything someone could go "Oh fuck I forgot-" be the one prepared. Also Earplugs/ a quiet subtle stim toy do wonders

Bullying becomes a problem?? Document EVERYTHING. And dont let people act like its not a big deal.

Pull your weight in group projects, and be VERY truthful on group reviews (If you get stuck with a shit project? Ask the teacher about alternate assignments)

Have a fun little backpack (my senior year was a childrens white with neon rainbow dinosuars and I fucking loved that thing)

ALWAYS HAVE A SPARE CHARGER/EARBUDS

Best advice I can give? Be the person people recognize in a positive light. Reputation is ALOT. Not in the sense of "Oh Tiffany B is a whore so no one should talk to her" But in a it just makes stuff so much easier

Say hello and goodmorning, ask the teacher about their weekend (but plz god not during a group discussion), congratulate your classmate on winning regionals competition, ask a friend if they want gum, offer someone the homework awnsers or a quizlet you made last week, learn the lunch ladies/cleaning staff by name and greet them. All the little simple things add up.

Ive had some shit days in highschool- everyone does. But walking through the halls- having a dozen people call your name, wave, give even a head nod in your direction- it makes you feel seen which to most people, that means the world.

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tinycherry0 · 9 months ago

Note

hellooooo um so i saw your requests are open and i was wondering if you’d write some fluffy madness where reader tries their best to comfort rhea after she had to vacate the women’s championship title?

you can take the concept and do what you want with it but im just begging for rhea fluff bc theres an agonizingly low amount of rhea fics as it is 🥺🙏🏼

On Top Again

Angst, fluff, fluff ending, No use of Y/N, gender neutral reader. That’s pretty much it I think

(Sorry if it’s a little short!! But I tried my best, I hope you like it!! <3)

That week, Rhea was very to herself, which was unlike her and you had no clue why. You tried cheering her up with little surprises and affection, and while it put a smile on her face it never lasted long.

You figured she needed space; Rhea wasn’t the strongest communicator when it came to her feelings. You were aware of that. You knew if something was bothering her terribly, she’d come to you.

Now you knew what kept her spirts down that week when you watched Monday Night Raw, you stared at the screen with a sad, pitiful look. That championship was proof of her commitment, hard work, and her literal blood, sweat, and tears. It was her whole life encased in a shiny golden belt she wore with pride; and that night it was almost as if it was stripped from her over an injury. You could only imagine her pain in that moment.

When she got home the next day around noon, she seemed almost defeated. You knew she put up a strong front for work, but now she didn’t seem too sure of her abilities.

You slowly walked towards her while she was crouched, giving Barry and Luna some much needed affection. She wore a baggy band shirt paired with her signature sweatpants, suitcase still at the door.

“Hey, love. I seen what happened last night..do you feel like talking about it?..”

Rhea sighed, getting up and giving you a deep hug which you returned immediately. She finally spoke up after a few moments in your embrace.

“..I’m sorry I’ve been distant..and not talking to you as much as I should. I just got the news before Raw..I felt like I needed to process it on my own before going up on stage and announcing it in front of everyone. I knew you were worried about me, and I’m sorry..”

You looked up at Rhea, cupping her face in your hands before speaking gently.

“I know you process emotions differently Rhea, and that’s okay. I understand…and I’m sorry you lost your championship. It meant a lot to you.”

Rhea gives you a pity half-smile, looking to the side.

“It did..it still does. I worked my ass off for that championship only for it to get stripped away from me. I don’t even know what I’m going to have to do to get it back.”

You heard the frustration in her voice, quickly replying to try and ease her nerves.

“Hey, hey..baby, I know you’ll get it back. If anyone is worthy of that title it’s you. It took an injury to take your title away from you, not anyone else’s willpower. That sounds pretty badass if you ask me.”

Rhea cracked a small smile, looking at you with a glimpse of hope in her eyes as you continued speaking.

“I know that championship meant the world to you. I’m sorry.” You gave Rhea a sympathetic look, putting a strand of hair that was in her face behind her ear.

“It was my whole life, but you are too. You’re my number one motivator and I’m so glad that you believe in me.”

You smiled at Rhea, tears in your eyes from the swell of emotions you felt from what she just told you.

“It’s going to take a lot more than one little injury to stop thee Rhea Ripley. Even if I also advise you stay home, you most likely wouldn’t have listened.” Rhea chuckled a little bit, showing you a genuine smile for the first time in a while.

You gave Rhea a kiss on the cheek as she kept on giggling; she draped her arms around your waist in return.

“You’re going to be on top again, Rhea, I know you will. You always are.”

#rhea ripley #mami rhea #women of wwe #rhea ripley x reader #papi rhea #rhea ripley fluff #rhea x reader #wwe superstars #wweedit

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automaticllamacycle · 1 year ago

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May Jesus forgive me for what I’m about to say.

Making matty jealous at an industry party until he spanks you and fucks you so hard afterwards

I am going to be combining this ask with this one that I got because they will fit will together hehe : literally matty just fucking you RELENTLESSLY like that man is not stopping until your actually crying like tears are flowing down your face

Disclaimers: reader is quite drunk during the sex, but I'm acting like this is in the dom/sub au I (kinda) have going on so they are in a very committed relationship and have discussed situations like this before! Anyways now onto the horny thoughts (even though im writing this more like a traditional fic)

this ended up being like 1.5k words. It is now 2am so it is NOT proof read, like not even a once over I am SLEEPY

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

industry parties are the worst. You despise them. Its all the same every time. You would show up with Matty, have a few drinks of alcohol, and hang by Matty's side while he talked with people from the label. It got old really fast in all honesty.

Tonight you just wanted his attention more than anything, and you are determined to have it by the end of the night. You arrive to the party on his arm and the same old pattern begins as he's dragged away by Jamie to go talk to someone. Without Matty at your side, you excuse yourself to the open bar. One drink turns into two, which turns into three before you even realize it.

You planned this out beforehand. You thought to yourself, maybe if you got a bit drunk and needy, you could convince Matty to take you home early. After drink number three you walk over to Matty, and lean to whisper in his ear. "Baby, can we go home? I'm tired of this."

Matty can tell you're a bit tipsy from your mumbled speech. "Sweetheart, this stuff is important I can't just leave because you want to leave."

"But Matty-" you start, putting on pleading doe eyes. He cuts you off before you can finish your sentence.

"I said no. Now, go on, it shouldn't be too much longer, anyway. You can be patient."

So, you found yourself back at the bar, with another drink. You've had too much, but you don't really care. Too pissed at Matty to really give a shit.

After another hour passes you stumble back over to Matty. The liquid courage must be working because you don't even care about the fact he's talking to people. You nearly crash into his side when you reach him. "Matty! Can we go now?" He shoots you a glare instantly before turning back towards the two men he was speaking with.

"Sorry guys, this is my girlfriend Y/N. Please, continue on with what you were saying!" Matty's hand is around your waist in a bruising grip. His lips quickly come up to your ear to speak in a dark tone. "Behave."

You do behave... for a total of five minutes, then you get needy again. You start small, leaning into his side and placing your arm on his chest. The alcohol dulls your rational thinking enough that you have no shame in your next actions, reaching up to kiss him on the neck. Matty laughs off the kiss, not so much as turning his gaze to you, continuing to listen to the men speaking to him. His grip on your waist tightens. He's starting to get mad.

You don't stop. Your hand paws at his chest while you balance on your tip toes to whisper in his ear. "Please, sir. I need you-"

Matty steps away fast, not letting you connect your lips to his neck again. "Haha- sorry lads I think it's time I take her back home. Jamie is right over there and would be happy to answer any other questions you two might have." And with that Matty's hand firmly grips your wrist and pulls your behind him, out the door, and to his car.

Once your on the road, he finally speaks after giving you the silent treatment. "What the fuck was that? Were you trying to embarrass me? You know it's important that I talk to people like that at these things."

"I'm sorry- I just wanted your attention."

"And you thought the best way to do that was to beg me to fuck you in front of those guys?"

"I whispered it!"

"Whispered? You call that a whisper? I'm almost certain they heard you. How much have you had to drink tonight."

"Uhm... I lost count."

"No shit."

The rest of the car ride was filled with silence. When you arrive at his place, he doesn't even go around to open your car door, instead heading straight to the front door of his house. Once your both inside, he sits down on the couch. He's angry. Really fucking angry.

"Bend over my knee. Right now." You don't dare disobey him. That would only increase your punishment. You lean your body over his legs, giving him access to your ass. Matty flips up your dress to reveal your lace underwear that is already soaked through.

"I'm sorry sir- I- I promise I didn't mean to embarrass you. Just wanted you so bad." You flinch when his hand strikes your ass.

"Fucking slut. Just because you didn't mean to doesn't mean you avoid getting punished." You gasp as his hand comes down again, just as hard as the first strike. "Besides." His hand spanks you again. "You knew what you were doing when you decided to order all those drinks didn't you?" His hand hits you again, showing no mercy. "Needed some courage before you could be such a whore in public, huh?"

"Yes- yes sir- I knew what I was doing. I'm sorry." Matty's satisfied with your answer, but that doesn't stop the onslaught of his hands. You'll be bruised for at least a week. He wants you to remember this every time you sit down. He wants you to remember and learn from the punishment.

By the end of it, you're sobbing. The strikes were becoming too much, and you needed him to touch you. "Matty- p-please I- I need you, please."

"Have you learned your lesson?"

"Yes, sir. I'll never do it again. I promise." you say through choked sobs. Without warning Matty carries you to the bedroom and throws you onto the bed before he starts taking off his clothes. He's hard through his boxers, which are soaked with precum. You follow suit and take off your dress, wincing as you take the lace of your underwear off of your ass.

Matty's on top of you the next second, his cock at the entrance of where you need him most. "You know, I shouldn't even give you my cock. Only good girls deserved to get fucked."

"No! no no no! Please. I need you, I need you so bad." Tears flow down your cheeks.

Matty enters you suddenly, filling you to the hilt. He gives you no time to adjust to his size as he begins pounding into you. "Fine. I'll give you my cock." He groans out. "But I'm going at my fucking pace and you're going to take it."

His hips move rapidly, thrusting into you hard. All you can do is wrap your legs around his waist and dig your nails into his back. The moans that leave your mouth are desperate. Your cries fill the room, along with the sounds of skin meeting skin. Matty's pace is near animalistic.

Matty flips your over so you're on your stomach. You don't have the strength to hold yourself up, completely pliant on the bed. "Poor thing can't hold herself up? Thought you wanted me to fuck you?" he groans, continuing his fierce pace. The new position allows him to go even deeper into your cunt. It's all becoming too much.

"Matty-" you cry. "It's too much- I can't"

"Take it. Be my good girl and take my cock. You were fucking made for me." One of his arms wraps around your waist, pulling your up so your back is up against his chest. He uses his other hand to hold onto the headboard of the bed, steadying himself so he can thrust into you even faster.

"Matty- shit I can feel you in my stomach- fuck-" At your words, his hand shifts lower on your waist, pressing over where his cock bulges in your stomach.

"Yeah? You feel that?" He presses down harder, making a whine leave your throat. "Only I can do this to you. Your cunt is made for my cock." You moan out in agreement, drawing closer and closer to orgasm, and Matty is getting close too. "You gonna come for me? Gonna milk my cock?"

"Yes- yes sir- please."

"Go on then come for me." When he speeds up the pace of his hips, you're a goner, falling into the waves of an orgasm. The pleasure overwhelms you, pulsing through your veins. You cry out his name over and over again as he fucks you though it.

Matty is not far behind. It only takes a few more thrusts before he cums inside of you, filling you up deep inside. As soon as he's finished, he practically collapses on top of you. He takes the time to trail kisses on the back of your neck as you catch your breath and come back down to earth.

"You did good for me, baby. Did you learn your lesson?"

"Yes, sir."

"That's my girl. Let me take care of you now."

#matty healy smut #matty healy x reader #matty healy fanfic #matty healy #the 1975 fanfic #the 1975 smut #i am now going to bed i am so tired #part of me fears this is shit #thats what happens when i start writing at 12:30am #pancake anon youre next dw it should be out by sunday

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a-fuckin-husk · 6 months ago

Text

Husker was in a foul mood. "Grumpy" didn't cut it. From the moment he wandered down into the lobby, he snapped at anybody who dared come near and pressed him for anything more than an early-morning drink—which was no one. Literally nobody drank at 8 AM except for- ANYWAYS! It didn't matter.

Every once and a while, he would glance at the staircase, as if waiting for—

He picked listlessly at his breakfast. He was agitated, hardly paying attention to anything anybody had to say. He even snapped at Alastor, who was so taken aback that he merely narrowed his eyes but, luckily, didn't say anything else. For fuck's sake, he even told Pen to "shut the fuck up!" which was completely uncharacteristic because, even though he thought the snake demon's drivel was asenine, it was usually tolerable.

He couldn't stop glancing at the staircase.

It was nearly 3 in the afternoon when Angel Dust finally wandered downstairs. Husk could hardly begrudge him the late awakening, he hadn't even returned home to the hotel until nearly 6 AM.

But when he did finally make an appearance, the barcat's attitude shifted completely. Instead of irritable and distracted, he was suddenly anxious and restless. He did his very best to seem casual—he even went as far as to avoid Angel until the sinner approached his bar. And when the spider finally sat down, Husk turned his back to him, reaching, almost frantically, for a glass to polish.

"What d'ya want?" Husk asked. His tone was harsher than he meant it, but he was so focused on trying to stop his hands from shaking, that he almost didn't notice.

Honestly? Whatever Angel said, whatever he'd ordered, Husk didn't hear it. He was too wrapped up in his own thoughts. Instead, he fixed Angel's usual, passed it to him, and said, "Listen, I went out gamblin' last night with some buddies of mine and they... Alright, so, don't read too much into this, okay?"

Christ, his heart was pounding so rapidly he could hardly think straight.

"I was playing poker with some buddies last night and one of 'em could play the tab, see? Well, it was late and we were all wasted, so we decided to let 'im bet whatever he wanted just 'cause we wanted to keep playin'. So he bets- look. It doesn't matter, okay?" He snapped, cutting himself off abruptly.

Husk only rambled when he was telling tall tails, and he seemed to remember that when his story suddenly stopped.

"Listen, just... Fuckin'... Fuck. Shut the fuck up, okay? Don't fuckin' say anything," he grumbled, before stooping under his bar to retrieve two boxes—a flat, rectangular box made of white cardboard, and a small, square jewelry box covered in black velvet.

"My point is: I won this shit in the poker game last night, but it isn't my style so I figured I'd give it to you. Take it or leave it, I don't give a shit,"

Except, of course, he did give a shit. Inside of the larger box was a gorgeous, rich blue, silk dress. Blue dye was extraordinarily difficult to find in hell—think Tyrian purple... But blue—so the dress was obviously expensive. And inside of the jewelry box was a pair of dangling gold earrings with sapphires. The earrings matched the dress and the color of the dress perfectly matched Angel's white and pink fur.

Obviously, there had been no poker game. Husker had saved up money and bought Angel a very nice dress and matching earrings... Just because. Angel deserved nice things—things that weren't tainted by Valentino. And these things? They were no-strings-attached, Husk emphasized as much with the sheer commitment to his stupid little lie about a non-existent poker game. After all, if he presented them as gifts that he'd painstakingly picked out, Angel might feel like he owed husk something, and the barcat didn't want that. So, it was better to pretend like all of this was a coincidence, like the lovely silk dress and the gold earrings were nothing more than ha d-me-downs that Husk didn't know the true value of. That way, Angel wouldn't feel obligated him. That way, Angel could have something nice, like he deserved, no strings attached.

"Sorry it isn't pink or whatever," he said, even though he knew that Angel would know the value of the color. "If you hate it, just toss it in the dumpster put back, I don't give a shit,"

Oh dear, his voice was shaking, as were his hands. In fact, he had to turn his back to Angel once again, just to hide the heat creeping across his face.

#angel dust #husk #huskerdust #hazbin hotel #angel hazbin hotel #husk hazbin hotel #rp starter #come rp with me!

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uceyliyahh · 1 month ago

Text

SOMETHING BOUT’ US

Summary: "I want you more than anything in my life." After being in a difficult relationship with Carmelo Yasmine decided to move on from him and become the next big thing while getting drafted on the smackdown roster she always thought she would never find love again due to her commitment issues until she met him.

This fanfic is 18+! NO MINORS ALLOWED

word count: 2633

smut warning; it’ll come in the story randomly so PLEASE PLEASE look out for it I’m not really good at writing ✍🏽 smuts but I’m improving at the moment.

Jey Uso x Yasmine

AWFUL GRAMMAR IM GETTING BETTER I SWEAR LOL.

comments, likes, repost are appreciated I would love the constructive feedback in what area I need to approve in. 🤍

ALSO! I don’t not want nobody stealing my fanfics or take it as theirs that will be an issue fasho so keep it cute respectfully.

I only own my OC along with the make up scenarios

But I’ll be writing along the way since this story is in my drafts on Wattpad right now so yuh. 💁🏽‍♀️

TAGS ⬇️ lmk if you wanna be tag 🏷️@pinkwithhearts @420days @jstarr86 @empressdede @angiedawn02 @biancasreign

@bebesobrielo @skyesthebomb @aikosilo @papireigns-05 @punksyeet @paigereeder @magnificentbouquetmusic

@hunnidmilly @celesteheartsjey @charmed-dreamssss @fearlesschimera @partypoison00 @mselenalovebug @bloodlinesbabe93 @justazzi

JONATHAN It was ten in the morning. The sun was beaming through the hospital curtains, and I could hear the birds chirping. I fluttered my eyes open, squinting them a bit before rubbing away the crust in my eyes.

I managed to get my vision back, seeing that Yasmine was up eating breakfast as her eyes darted towards me.

"Good morning, Jon. I see that yo' ass had a good ass sleep with allat snoring you did last night," Yasmine said.

"My bad, a man was tired after all, but how are you feeling, Yasmine?" I replied as I saw her put her spoon down.

"If I'm being brutally honest with you, Jon, ion' really feel great; you know, it just sucks that I have to go through this," I had never seen her so sad and depressed about stuff like this. I know she loves my brother dearly but he just doesn't know what he wants or who to be exact.

I nodded my head, listening to her attentively. She was venting so much to me that I couldn't even focus on who was coming in the door. That's when I saw Montez and Bianca coming, hugging her, and seeing worried written on both of their faces.

"Thank God you're okay," Montez said giving his sister a kiss on the forehead.

"Y-yeah, I'm glad too," She said, almost hesitant.

Montez came towards my way, dabbing me up while hugging me in the process, "Thanks, bro, when I catch Jey, it's over with," I wasn't surprised that Montez knew what his best friend was doing to his little sister.

"I tried to warn his ass last night, but he was being stubborn about it," I said while getting up from the chair.

"But, imma head out since y'all are here just text me any updates on her condition aight?" Montez nodded his head, dabbing me up one more time before I grabbed my keys and headed out the door.

✧˚° YASMINE I knew my brother was pissed off at Jey but couldn't pin all of the blame on him when it was honestly Carmelo's fault for doing what he had done to me.

"When I see his ass, it's on sight like what does Liv Morgan have that you don't?" Montez said as I shrugged my shoulders, not having an answer.

I didn't really want to talk about Jey and Liv anymore because the more he talked about them, the more I started to disassociate myself from the topic.

Until Bianca changed the subject, seeing me not engaging in the conversation, "You know you're going to relinquish the title right until you're are healed up from your injuries," I sighed and nodded my head, knowing that my dreams were going to come down, after this.

"Yeah, I know, which sucks, but I guess she's going to have to take it back and then brag about it in my face," I commented.

"Hey, she's a fucking whore and a loser for thinking that she's better than you. When she's not, you will get your title back, Minks," She reassured me, which made me smile a bit.

"But first you have to heal yourself from everything that Carmelo has done to you and then with Jey...I know you might seen him as your peacemaker but not anymore," It hurt deeply knowing that I'm going to ignore him but it's the best way for myself.

Before I could speak we heard the door banging as Montez went to go open the door hearing some rambling noise from the outside the door.

"Nah, nigga you broken my trust Uce how could you do that to my little sister dawg,"

"It's not even like that...Montez I swear you know how much I love Yasmine,"

"Yeah, aight whatever dawg you're only fucking my little sister not loving her when she's been through enough especially with that Nigga Melo so you should go home,"

"Just let me see her for a second, then I'll go please,"

I knew that Jey wanted to see me, but I wasn't so sure if I wanted to see him. After all, he has Liv to be worried about and not me since we aren't even a thing, just best friends with benefits, nothing more.

I saw him and Montez coming into the room together, and Jey stood there in the middle. Meanwhile, Bianca popped him upside the head, causing him to hiss while giving her a stern expression.

"I can't believe you did this to her when she's been through enough, Jey, but I can't blame you only partially," Bianca said as she folded her arms.

"Can you guys give us a moment alone—" Before I could say anything, Montez spoke up.

"Nah, I wanna hear what he has to say in front of me and Bianca," He said as I rolled my eyes at him, looking at Bianca for some help.

She understood, looking at her husband and signaling him with her head for them to go outside so that Jey and I could speak to each other. He wanted to protest, but Bianca threw her hand up, making him flinch while grabbing his ear and dragging him outside.

"If anything happens, just let us know, okay?" Bianca said as I nodded my head.

I turned my head toward the view outside, admiring the tall buildings and the sky as I heard Jey sitting down on the couch.

I could feel him staring down at me deeply, but I could not say anything right now. "Can you talk to me, please? Minks," he was now begging me to talk to him when I didn't have anything to say.

"What is there to talk about, Josh? You made your choice; you don't want me, and I completely understand. Honestly, I'm not the type of girl you want who's all broken up, you know," I stated while folding my arms over my chest.

"Minks that's not true and you know that...I want you and only you," Jey said.

I scoffed at his statement knowing damn well that he didn't want me I mean I'm a broken spirit with commitment issues and trust issues due to what happened to me.

That's why I need to be alone for a while until I'm healed because if me and him continue this way, I'm going to end up killing myself, honestly.

"Look, I'm going to get straight to the point with you. We can't be doing this anymore, Josh. I have to heal and be alone before I end up doing something very compulsive." I could see his facial expressions change.

"W-what you mean?"

"I'm saying if we keep doing this, I might end up killing myself without a second thought," I said, making eye contact with him.

I could see that he regretted his actions and what he had done, but it's too late now. "I love you, Josh, I really do, but I just can't be doing this back-and-forth shit with you," He nodded his head while running his hands against his beard, feeling distraught.

He got up from the couch and walked towards me. I felt scared, not knowing what he was going to do, until he grabbed me by the chin and placed his soft lips upon mine.

This kiss seemed a bit different from what we normally do when we're together. We made out for a few minutes before he could pull away, gazing into my eyes.

"A'ight then...Yasmine, I'll see you whenever..." Jey said as he walked away from me, heading towards the door.

He looked back at me one more time before exiting my room. That's when Montez and Bianca came back in, seeing my face as flushed.

"Girl, what happened?" She questioned me.

"I-I don't know..."

✧˚° I was discharged from the hospital, and Montez, along with Bianca, decided to take me home since my car was wrecked from the accident. I placed my finger over my lips, reminiscing about the kiss we had shared earlier. It felt so different, but I couldn't pinpoint why it stirred such feelings in me. As we finally arrived home, I brushed the thoughts aside, not wanting to dwell on them any longer.

As I got out of the car, I was limping slightly, and Montez supported me as we walked toward the front door. Bianca unlocked it with her key, and we finally entered the house.

I assured Montez that I could go upstairs on my own. I carefully made my way up the steps, trying not to hurt myself. When I finally reached my bedroom, I shut the door behind me.

I plopped onto my soft bed, letting out a deep sigh as I placed my hands on my stomach and looked up at the popcorn ceiling.

I'm drowning in thoughts, hoping I'm making the right choice with Jey. I love him so much that I want him to stay, but I had to choose what was best for me, and this was the only option.

He and Liv can finally be happy knowing that I'm out of the picture, especially since I have to relinquish my title just for her to wave it in my face later on.

My thoughts were interrupted by the buzzing of my phone when I grabbed it out of my purse and saw that Trinity was calling me.

OTP Trin🤭🫶🏽: Hey, babygirl! Just checking in on you I heard you got discharged today. Minnie🧃: yeah, I'm okay Trin Trin🤭🫶🏽: you sure? You don't sound like it did something happen? Minnie🧃: you can say something like that... Trin🤭🫶🏽: what happened? 🤨 Minnie🧃: well I called things off between Me and Jey but the crazy thing is, is that we made out before he left... Trin🤭🫶🏽: YASMINE! Minnie🧃: whaaat??? he doesn't want me Trin what's the problem? Jey made his choice to be with Liv Trin🤭🫶🏽: honey you were supposed to push him away when he did that why didn't you? Minnie🧃: I don't know it felt different this time honestly, enough of that is him and Jon good? Trin🤭🫶🏽: not necessarily...but they're trying to keep cool Minnie🧃: oh well they will figure it out but I'm going to go so I can rest that damn hospital bed was so uncomfortable Trin🤭🫶🏽: kk get some rest okay?

CALLED ENDED.

I placed my phone next to me on the bed and went back to looking up at the ceiling, being in my thoughts yet again, hearing a knock on my door.

I saw Bianca coming in and shutting the door behind her as she sat down next to me in bed.

"Girl, what happened with you and Jey?" Bianca questioned me.

I knew that she was going to ask me what happened between me and him when I didn't really want to talk about it because I didn't know myself.

"I told you I don't know...B," I said, trying to avoid the conversation. She gave me a stern expression as I sighed.

"We made out...after I told him I wanted to end things between us with the whole best friend with benefits thing, this time it felt differently than before,"

She covered her face with her hand. "Yasmine, are you really crazy about this man?" she asked. I would be lying if I said I wasn't crazy for him, but I had to do what was right.

"I'm not B. I promise. I want to move on from this and focus on my career. I hope he and Liv do well together."

"Well, I understand, but don't break your promise, and remember to protect your heart." I nodded as she got up from my bed and headed towards the door, shutting it.

I sighed softly, praying that I wouldn't break my promise to myself because of his effect on me. I felt like if he had texted me, I would probably have texted him.

As soon as I said that, I felt my phone buzz. When I picked it up, I knew that it was him. He sent a message with an attachment, which made me nervous.

When I opened the message, my eyes went wide seeing his eight-inch pretty dick on my screen.

IMESSAGE 💬 Joshua🤍: I miss you mamas Joshua🤍: lemme' come get you

I was hesitant about it because I would be breaking my promise to myself, but I had to do something.

Yasmine🩵: Josh we can't and I can't Joshua🤍: c'mon it'll be one time and that's it you won't see me anymore I just wanna see your pretty ass face again Yasmine🩵: that's what you have Liv for Josh I'm not some type of rebound just because Liv isn't available for you. Joshua🤍: don't be like that Minks Yasmine🩵: this is how I truly feel Josh, I feel like a rebound for you that's all I'm ever going to be nothing more. Joshua🤍: mamas Yasmine🩵: look I gotta go Josh I got things to do Joshua🤍: please mama don't shut me out I'm sorry Yasmine🩵: I'm not shutting you out Josh I just need time to heal from all of this and if you're really sorry then you need to prove that to me honestly.

I placed my hand on my chest, trying to calm myself down, hoping that he wouldn't show up to convince me.

I got up from my bed and went to my dresser, pulling out a pair of clothes before heading into the shower. After my shower, I wrapped a towel around my body, and as I walked out of the bathroom, the cool breeze hit me.

I sat down on my bed and grabbed my phone. Noticing several missed calls from Jey, I decided to ignore them and turned my phone over.

As I did that, I began applying lotion to my skin, making sure I wasn't ashy. While I was in the middle of this, I felt my phone vibrating. When I picked it up, I saw that Jey was calling me again.

'Why is he calling me for when I already needed to say what I needed to say?'

I decided to ignore his call and put the lotion on my dresser before putting on my pajamas for tonight since it was going to be cold.

'He's calling me again bro.'

I'm being bombarded with calls and messages from him repeatedly. I lie down in my bed, get under my blankets, and start scrolling through my social media. That's when I check my notifications and see his messages and calls. I can't help but roll my eyes.

I know that ending things between us probably hurt him, but it hurt me even more. He only sees me as a rebound whenever Liv isn't giving him what he wants. He comes to me, knowing I'll always be there to give him something.

"You have one voice message from Joshua🤍"

I clicked on the message to see what he had to say before going to bed because I didn't have time for this.

Joshua🤍: Mama, please baby, I don't see you as that. You know how much I love you fr fr lemme' prove that to you please.

Turning off my phone and placing it on the charger, I realized I was entering another toxic cycle, this time with a different person than Melo.

I often struggle with situations like this, but I realized that I must prioritize my own healing and growth. I need to become a better version of myself. If he wants another chance, he will have to prove that he deserves it.

I just decided to send him a message back before heading to bed.

Yasmine🩵: Give me time, Josh. I need it. Then we will see from there, but for now, I need to heal.

I sent the message by turning off my phone, getting comfortable in my blankets, closing my eyes, and drifting off to sleep.

Something Bout' Us.

A/n: I honestly hope Yasmine heals and comes back from all of this trauma that she is dealing with at the moment, and I hope Jey gets it together.

JIMMY DID HIS BIG ONE TONIGHT. ALSO, I CANT STAND CM PUNK AND JEY LIKE THEY'RE ARE SO FUNNY, BRO, BIG BACK ASSES, LOL. THEN JIMMY DONE BROKE HIS TOE LIKE LAWD.

But I hope y'all enjoy this chapter. lmk in the comments below.

STAY UCEY.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO NAOMI 🩷🫶🏽

#jey uso #black writers #black fanfic writer #black oc #jey x oc black #wwelove #black reader #jey uso fanfiction #wwe fanfiction #jey uso smut

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astroceans · 4 months ago

Text

11.02.22

i dont know how to stop it. the thoughts the memories. i thought that maybe when you decided it would all stop. contrary, they wont stop. im stuck thinking about the last 6 months and the times i could of been better and done better. the times where i should of stayed quiet where i should have loved you more. theres no benefit in thinking it though. i know you've made up your mind. and when i called you out i didn't think you would leave. i thought you'd stay like you had before. i thought you would fight more or maybe even just try. but this time you didn't. you left, you moved on. and now i think where i went wrong and if i could just been different. that if maybe i wasn't so messed up you would of stayed. maybe if i was less sad less me you wouldn't leave. but its ok. i know she is kind and she is beautiful. she is loved and taken care of. she can love you. and i know you deserve who takes away all the lies and brings you hope, poetry, and most importantly coffee. if i could talk to her, i would tell her this. his birhtday is january 10. hes actually not a typical capricorn but that might be because his mother is a cancer. hes emotional. he is kind. he is thoughtful. his love language is physical touch and words of affirmation. hes a great gift giver. he has the biggest heart. hes easily influenced. gym is his therapy. he loves his family especially his sister and his mom. hes actually a feminist. hes a clean person. his alcohol tolerance is suprsisngly high. he likes to party and have fun. but more importantly i think he likes to stay in and do nothing. his favorite color is blue but he looks great in orange. his favorite artist is j balvin. and his music taste is impeccable. hes cannot park if his life depended on it but hes a great driver. he has a sweet tooth and probably the reason he has so many cavities. his favorite sweet is donuts, coming in second gummies. his grandpa is his biggest inspiration. and like many people, he's been hurt too many times especially by me. he has the worst anxiety and overthinks too much. his best friend committed suicide and his cousin was close to. he needs reassurance and lots of love. overall, i think he's the only person who has fought for me and for our relationship something i couldn't understand and maybe why i can't let it go.

i know you deserve more than i could ever give you. you deserve an easy love with someone who doesn't have so many layers to cut through. someone with less complications and more love to give. in fact someone who isn't afraid to be loved. i know my thoughts wont leave because i live with regret, i live with sadness. i know i'll have to live without you and live with the thought that i failed you. and more importantly that given the choice, you wouldn't choose me anymore. that i am no longer the girl you want to be with and the one you want to spend the rest of your life with . i am not the first thought in your mind and i am not the last one either. you have simply moved and found arms to come home to. and i am stuck being the sad story. the girl who cannot love and be loved. and maybe thats what kills me the most. you get to move on and i cannot even find myself talking to another person without crying. i cannot listen to music without breaking down. i cant eat without feeling guilty. that i've lost myself throughtout everything and it took you a week to move on. i'd like to ask you how you did it but i fear that when i hear your voice i would lose my breathe. i have no hope for life. and i find no pleasure in it. i live day by day hoping one day i feel less sad but its been a month and a half and i still can't listen to our song. i know its not your fault but how cannot it not be? when i told you this you didnt seem to care and you chose to move on. im so tired of crying and the sleepless nights. the calling out of work. the torturing myself at the gym. the breaking down every time i go out with my friends. you're the punchline to all my jokes and the topic of conversation when it comes to gossip. you're the theme of all my spotify playlists and the inspiration behind my new hair color. youre my excuse when my parents ask me why i can't be more active in church and the reason i dont text back any guy. the reason i've started smoking again. i dont want to love you anymore. but im sorry i love you.

#short story #writing #creative writing #poetry #poetic #writer stuff #writers on tumblr #writerscommunity #writers and poets #writing community #heartbreak #breakup #lonelly #loneliest #tw depressing stuff #love

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loving-n0t-heyting · 1 year ago

Note

Out of curiosity what do you dislike about Ada Palmers books

so tbc i made my way thru vol 1 of terra ignota and the first bit of vol 2 before quitting, so im working with a limited sample. but such is the case with dismissal! so here goes:

the prose is... bad. its very likely i should just develop a higher tolerance on this, ik im effectively gatekeeping myself from some very conceptually solid fiction over a relatively superficial skill detached from the stuff that really deeply matters, but the style on a sentence-to-sentence level is just very underwhelming, which is a particular problem when in universe its supposed to be elevated and uplifting (like the speech at renunciation day). i dont mind purple prose but it like marries imo the worst aspects of purple and bland, its a chore to get thru it

the pacing feels sort of mechanical and arbitrary,. every fifty pages, on the dot, theres another twist pulled from the Twist Bag! im told this im proves but its a) not enough to make up for the other deficits and ii) a common thing said when it takes a certain amount of time for ppl to inure themselves to an in fact persistent defect in a long work

Your Kink Is Not My Kink (But Your Kink Is OK)

i do not care about these characters. its hard for me to go into more detail bc i have little grip on what makes characters "work" for me in general but i just. dont care what happens to any of them (besides best not-girl eureka weeksbooth 🤤)

the worldbuilding. by far the biggest letdown. ppl will tell you—repeatedly, at length—that this is the great strength of the series. do not listen to them! they are misguided. ada palmer is really good—gifted, even—at the first step of worldbuilding, much moreso than most writers! shes top notch at coming up with a broad element of the society that makes you think "whoa, i want to know how that works!" and then... you never do. the depths are never plumbed. the depths are never even adequately hinted at. nor are the depths even conspicuously hidden from view! she just... tells you that there are a bunch of totally complicated details, trust me guys, look here i came up with some technobabble and some percentages like i totally promise theres stuff going on behind here! but there just, so aggravatingly obviously isnt! the technobabble does not even give the illusion of depth, the way (imo) it does in almost nowhere, it gives the appearance of earnestly trying to project such an illusion. tears me out of the immersion every time. its probably worth mentioning that i know from firsthand reports that she is into larp stuff irl, which is notorious for attracting ppl with a high tolerance for would be un-suspensors of disbelief. which, again, may be a virtue on their part! but if so its one i lack, at least here

i was talking to birdblog who suggested much of it might be that the work is very capital-L Liberal, and i am very not. which i think is kind of true, but less in that this is a drawback it possesses and more that its a virtue it lacks. theres lots of fiction i enjoy that is transparently committed to big philosophical/moral/political claims im vehemently opposed to! off the top of my head: any shakespeare that involves kings, any bernard shaw that involves Society, log horizon (at least s01, havent seen past it), nausicaa of the valley of the wind (the manga, the movie is sort of opaque philosophically), a bunch of outright propaganda films from wwii (american, british, russian, japanese), several kipling short stories...

but like, i think that a visceral sympathy for the earnestly felt message of a work of art does help one excuse other flaws, and i suspect a lot of my fundamentally Liberalism-oriented friends are able to enjoy the series bc the author shares that same basic vision. which is certainly like, an interesting one! but on its own its not enough to compel me past the artistic demerits by being either spiritually akin to encourage me or sufficiently weird and novel to fascinate me

anyway, tell me why im wrong, terra ignotans! humani nihil a me alienum puto

#ask #spacific-sunrise #terra ignota

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sickknotdoom · 1 year ago

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Someone should tell Eve that squeak doesn't get to decide how we feel about squeak's characters.

REAL. this is definitely gonna set some people off, but the whole "cuddles is the only real villain in the entire story and all the other staff are actually innocent" narrative is bullshit. nearly everyone that works at that hospital tortures and permanently detriments innocent lives if not ending them entirely in brutal ways, and were supposed to just forgive every single one just because "theyre being forced to do so"?

also, the "one true villain" being the only cishet and likely only neurotypical in the comic really rubs me the wrong way. apparently the reason sparklecare even got rebooted was because kneeby thought having evil characters also be queer was "bad representation". i am not a fan of the "queer people can do no wrong" approach. as someone whos gay and under the trans umbrella, id like to point you towards dahmer and chris chan.

jeffrey dahmer was a gay man who cannibalized other gay men. christine chandler is a transgender woman who committed incest. those traits are not mutually exclusive in the real world. they are taken simultaneously, unrelated to eachother unless you go out of your way to relate them. and i think its safe to say that nobody would try and link dahmers sexuality with his actions unless theyre homophobic.

just because one figure within a minority is fucked up, does not mean the rest of the minority is fucked up by association. if that was the case, then id be associated with edp445 and h/tler due to the fact im black and suffer from autism. but thats not the case at all, so why are the clowns so afraid of letting queer characters be antagonists, or vice versa?

all the nurses are treated like theyre completely innocent just because of their identities and/or them being possibly coded as neurodivergent. it seriously comes across as infantilizing queer and/or autistic people, which as someone whos both, i do not like. especially nurse puppy. i do not like the way puppy is written.

puppy is, in my opinion, the most explicitly autistic coded character in the comic (not including characters that are confirmed to be). lo is also the most babied by both the clowns and the fandom. loves whole premise is that cuddles brainwashed lov into seeing loves job (murdering and torturing innocent civilians) as a fun game. lo is canonically 30 years old, by the way.

speaking from experience, us autists are relatively easy to take advantage of when were younger, due to our difficulty grasping social cues. ive been taken advantage of by so many people in just fourteen years of being on this earth. ive been groomed, sextorted by someone who i saught out comfort from after said grooming, painted as a predator by the very person who sextorted me, and then propped by my only remaining "friend" group who would bring all that shit up just to milk my reaction and use it to further damage my reputation.

almost all these people were also queer and autistic, and coincidentally also liked sparklecare, my sextorter being the one who initially got me into it, since he had a uni pfp one time. theyre also victims of similar shit themselves. does that mean all queers/autists/sparklecare fans/abuse victims are like them? no. but does being any of those things excuse the torment they put me through? no the fuck it does not. you cannot give me the excuse of them "not knowing" or being "brainwashed", theyre all at least two years older than me, some being legal adults as im writing. you cannot convince me they didnt intend to fuck me up.

so it reasonably infuriates me to see a Grown Ass 30 Year Old Adult That Murders People For Fun And Listens To Them Scream In Misery With A Smile On Loves Face given the excuse of "lo doesnt know!!!! blame cuddles not lov!!!!" and the fandom just not questioning that at all. imagine watching your lover or best friend get murdered by someone breaking into their house and chucking a toaster into their bath while theyre taking a shower, and the cops* tell you to sue the manufacturers of the toaster. see how fucked that logic is? thats basically sparklecare.

*not like you should trust american cops but i needed an example ok

one of these people i described earlier happens to kin puppy, what a surprise. maybe im just projecting, but the most explicitly autistic coded character (also the only character so far that uses neopronouns/identifies as a xenogender) being treated this way is revolting to say the least, and i feel like lo is made immune to criticism by the clowns because lo just so happens to be those things. if this character werent queer, they would give no chances.* i will gladly allow puppy to exist as is, same personality, everything, i dont mind. its the constant infantilization and justification of loves abhorrent actions that upsets me.

*and this applies to all the other nurses in the comic, except maybe nurse snare since shes practically nonexistant after volume one. but in volume one we are shown barry being tortured and injured by, as far as i can tell, every nurse thats been introduced so far. barry, one of the fandoms most beloved characters, is put through excruciating pain and trauma on screen (with a million trigger warnings before each page, in typical clowns fashion) and nobody gives a fuck once its over, just because everyones queer except cuddles, and cuddles is the Only One To Blame For Anything At All Times.

the cycle of abuse is extremely common. an abuser being a victim does not cancel out them being an abuser, and if theyre not actively seeking help theyre a bad person, regardless of what minorities they belong to. but that does not mean everybody within that minority is a bad person. sparklecares creators and fandom cant seem to grasp that. kneeby cannot erase my opinions on the way the staff is portrayed.

#WARNING #I START TALKING ABOUT TRAUMA LIKE HALFWAY THROUGH THE POST #tw grooming #sparklecriticism #sparklecare criticism #.png.svg

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